Alex and Adrian's Unattended Baggage: Recent Episodes
Unattended Baggage
Alexander Snitker (libertarian-Republican political hack) and Adrian Wyllie (born-again anarchist and political has-been) banter, blather and joke about current events, while attempting to figure out whether to keep trying to salvage our Constitutional Republic, or just stock up on marshmallows to roast on the smoldering embers of society.
Alex and Adrian take a major detour and spend the full first hour talking about whether we are the first advanced civilization on Earth, and the evidence – of varying credibility – that we aren’t and whether or not aliens are involved, then we return to more normal discussions of news, politics, economics, in the second hour.
Alex’s obsession with public toilets is becoming pathological, now that 18 countries are involved in this war we should probably just call it what it is, don’t drink the water…anywhere, Fauci pleads the Fifth and proves at least one conspiracy theory we’ve told you about for years, Trump administration fighting Communism by owning the means of production, and if you’re 18-45 it would be a good idea to grow some bone spurs.
Jesus finds Alex at Circle K, and prophet (possibly false) Adrian tries to baptize him, ain’t nothing good happening from the river to the sea right now, billionaire wants to harvest his clone-baby’s organs, Americans are getting the Flock out, one man’s freedom terrorist is…uh, antisemitic or something, and remember those tariffs that screwed up the economy? Yeah, we’re doing that again.
Alex is bummed out because he can’t spend special time with sailors, Adrian demands to be called a prophet, only trolls are in the strait, we wonder how many Senators are only mostly dead, Alligator Alcatraz goes Fyre Festival and $1B goes bye-bye, Looksmaxing Petey wants a high-T military, and you can now insider trade on Trump’s Truths for only $100K/mo.
Alex drives an OF model hard, ‘Merica ain’t ‘Mericaning like it used to, we spoke to Mitch McConnell and he told us “gurrrrrglugggpffft,” the Sheep are De-Flocking the Wolves, we’re at war with Iran…again, datacenters are trying to kill you…and maybe Greenland, Trump suggests a threesome with his sons after talking to Teddy Roosevelt, and will Israel just false flag us already?
Alex comes out of the closet on air, doomer Adrian says sell everything now, Iran ceasefire was fun while it lasted, Americans increasingly want out of our toxic relationship with Israel, Ukraine darkens the skies over Moscow, SCOTUS does asylum seekers a big favor by not letting them in, Trump asks the media what the Executive Order he just signed means, and the AI IPOs ain’t looking too good.
Israel vetoed America’s unconditional surrender to Iran by doing what they always do…blowing up their neighbors, the most “Idiocracy” event ever plays out on White House lawn as Trump family tries to bet on rigged fights, we’ve got about 12 days until the US strategic oil reserve runs dry, nobody seems to care about mankind’s biggest question, and I guess 250 years was a pretty good run.
SpaceX IPO reveals the world isn’t controlled by billionaires…it’s controlled by trillionaires, Trump lets tech bro “volunteers” data mine all government websites, Alex is very upset by right-wing FishHeads for some reason, ACAL (lazy), Massie remembers the Liberty, apparently the President’s Cabinet spends a lot of time talking about nipples, and we’ve got an Iran peace deal for the 37th time.
We’re hoping the pending economic collapse saves humanity from the tech billionaires plotting human extinction, Anthropic (Claude AI) begs the world to stop them from destroying society, Nightmare-Eclipse may kill Microsoft, Trump is bored with Iran but Israel won’t let him take his toys and go home, Google wants to sting you with infected mosquitoes, and be sure to buy a copy of the “Midnight Hustle” pamphlet.
The game of “Deal Or No Deal” with Iran continues as Trump contemplates sending airplanes full of cash to Tehran, Claude is sad and angry, tech billionaires are getting scared of something, but is it AI or unemployed Gen Z, Americans with ebola get free trip to Kenya, Don Jr. marries Epstein’s banker’s daughter to no one’s surprise, that’s not what we meant when we said “eat the rich,” and how much did that tight va-jay-jay cost?
Alex transports special forces, Adrian uses AI to fight AI, SpaceX IPO is for suckers and the bond market is telling you so, Trump threatens to bomb space, latest UAP dump is slightly intriguing but mostly disappointing, ‘lil Marco is about to get Cuba back, AIPAC defeats Massie to keep their blackmail war machine going, and yeah…not my proudest nut, but totally worth it.
Adrian has a blast at a funeral, Alex hates Uber basic b’s, Trump will have the biggest balls…dummy, AI says you can’t have power or water anymore, and recent college grads are sick of it, UAP disclosure is kinda weak sauce, cybersecurity is over, never touch Ka$h’s bourbon, and never let RFK near your open-heart surgery.
Adrian doomspirals down the AI rabbit hole and hopes for nuclear war, we try – and fail – to convince ourselves the White House Correspondent Dinner attack wasn’t staged, we contemplate whether new music actually sucks, or whether we’re actually old, and “Oh, you think he was referring to you?” might be the best follow-up question of all time.
We start with a new take on the prisoner’s dilemma, Pokemon Go was actually a mass data collection conspiracy, boots on the ground in Iran is the most likely outcome, we prefer Kaczynski’s manifesto over Palantir’s, Orange Jesus wants to blow up wise guy ships for the next 18 years…unless they let him use nukes, and it’s the pro-pedos vs. REALLY pro-pedos in Congress.
Adrian forgets to push a button, Alex still trying to crawl out of his dark hole, you can trust us when we urge you not to trust us, Anthropic just became the most powerful entity on Earth, passed-out Kash out soon, my blockade is bigger than your blockade and I just made $1B by saying so, and we are considering becoming avid animal genitalia researchers in our spare time.
Iran accepts America’s unconditional surrender in The Great Lego War, Pentagon threatens to bomb the Pope, Antichrist-hunter Thiel was pedo-spymaster Epstein’s partner, Anthropic Mythos AI effectively ends all commerce, methinks the woman scorned doth protest too much, Alex thinks he’s a big tipper, and remember, when you’re wiping yourself with newspaper…you should’ve just paid them enough to live.
Alex talks about a deeply unsettling personal experience that has completely altered his opinion of mankind, while Adrian – in a bizarre juxtaposition - defends the goodness of humanity. Eventually we talk about pedantic stuff like global war, economic collapse, genocide, rampant corruption of power, religious hypocrisy, and, of course, aliens.
Alex puts his finger on some lesbians’ pulse. The Iran war spirals as Israel plays Trump like a shofar, depending on who you ask, the US and Iranian negotiations are happening (or not happening) and going very well (or not). Iranian hackers are scoring hits on US leaders and infrastructure. Oil, gas, food, plastics and microchip supply chains are all breaking. And it’s definitely time to cash out, ‘cuz the casino is on fire.
Alex realizes the average man on the street doesn’t really want to think about stuff, Adrian realizes that every dollar he’s ever paid in taxes got blown up in one 13 second video, Operation “Israel’s Armageddon” isn’t distracting enough from Epstein, so Operation “Aliens” is on deck, and – oh, yeah – the economy is collapsing, but at least we’re now seriously talking about teleportation to Waffle House.
The Iran war is spiraling out of control and nobody in charge seems to know what we’re doing or why…but they all seem very excited about it, the entire economy is collapsing and they seem pretty much OK with that too, everyone is talking about Biblical end times and they’re totally stoked about that, rumors swirl that Netanyahu might be dead, and ‘Lil Marco parades around in Daddy’s big shoes.
Adrian warns everyone to sell everything right now, Alex gets angry at wooly mammoths, the entire military command structure says tells the troops they’re fighting to usher in the Second Coming, which is totally kosher with our Israeli overlords, and it’s apparently also OK with the “Interdimensional Beings” congress keeps talking about, but the one thing nobody’s talking about is the Epstein files.
The United States of Israel attacks Iran because Epstein, Trump promises to tell the truth about aliens because Epstein, Pentagon warns of demons, Clintons testify about Pizzagate…I mean Epstein, ICE builds FEMA camps…I mean detention centers, Anthropic says no to killer AI robots and mass surveillance, but ChatGPT says “No problem,” while the cross-eyed cosplay G-man pretends he won the gold.
Adrian reports Alex to HR over the “hug quota.” The Epstein rabbit hole deepened and exposes unthinkable evil, but few people noticed because of a very convenient kidnapping and a Bad Bunny. Feds release Israeli national who ran bio labs with unknown dangerous compounds in houses owned by the Chinese. Top AI researchers keep warning “world is in peril,” while SB ad tell you not to worry about it.
Epstein files just keep getting worse for the rich and powerful, and confirm many past conspiracies were at least partially true, Tulsi’s Putin is showing, Alex predicts blue midterm Tsunami which will change absolutely nothing, finally an AI Adrian is OK with, The Don wants to count all the votes, but we’re sure the coming global economic meltdown will help, right?
Pizzagate turns out to be real, but MAGA now calls it a hoax. The Left defends the 2nd Amendment as MAGA asks “why did he need a gun?” Trump sues his own IRS for leaking his data, while DOGE leaked literally everyone’s data. AI agents create their own social media and religion to ponder the meaning of existence, but at least the global economic and political system is about to collapse.
Alex needs a lot of help changing a tire, Adrian does math which is never a good sign, winter is coming in too many ways to count, Davos reveals the New Old World Order, China fires back with silver bullets, Japan and EU pull on the US debt rug, Democrats and Republicans want to kill your vehicle, and ICE apparently wants to kill everyone.
Alex needs to eat a damn sandwich, we explore brewing conflicts between the US and Venezeula…and Greenland…and Mexico…and Columbia…and Iran…and Russia…and China…and Europe…and NATO…and Minnesota…well, you get the idea, rape and torture seems to be part of the ICE benefits package, the Ministry of Truth kicks into high gear, and we play the Uno Reverse card on Hanvana Syndrome.
Never tell contrarian Adrian to be more positive, we discuss the things that nobody is talking about geopolitically, and that is the real reason everything is happening, Trump says the only limit to his authority is his own morality, but he has no idea what the real limits of his authority are, ICE isn’t in your town for the reasons you think they are, and your ability to feed your family hinges on a real-world game of Risk.
We discuss the US attack on Venezuela and detail the actual reasons it’s happening (it’s not drugs), we delve into how the end of globalization has begun, and why it may not work out the way the US had hoped, we explain how BRICS Pay may cause the US dollar to collapse soon, and why that’s led to a scramble for global resources, and we enjoy a video of PeeWee Himmler and ICE Barbie dancing to the worst white rapper to ever live.
MAGA was right about Pizzagate, but they don’t want to talk about it anymore, we discuss how modern capitalism both innovates and stifles, how JD, Erika, the Tech Bros, and Gawd are plotting Trump’s demise, how aliens are going to beam signals directly into our brains, check the tariff shelf for that $18 trillion, and buy gold and silver before the proverbial excrement hits the petrodollar.
Congress drops small sampling of Epstein estate photos, and that probably means there’s gonna be some tail wagging on the way to Maduro, Alex delves into the right-wing podcast drama, Adrian prays the aliens show up soon, AI titans say AI training AI could go really good or really bad, Zelensky trolls Putin as he tries to buy Ukraine from Trump, and get your money out of stocks and into hard assets quick (not financial advice).
We discuss the attacks on alleged drug boats, and read from the DoD’s “Law of War” where it specifically says military personnel “must refuse to comply with clearly illegal orders” and “orders to fire upon the shipwrecked would be clearly illegal,” we cover important topics like was the cover song better than the original, and finally devolve into drivel like the meaning of life.
We try to figure out if it’s a flag, a false flag, a false false flag, or just random noise, then we wonder who’s an agent, a double-agent, or a triple-agent in the US-Russian Ukraine negotiations, but like everything else, we ultimately figure they’re all just an Israeli bot farm, eventually we move into the much less confusing topic of what is the true nature of consciousness…oh, and something about aliens.
We take a break from reality to play our favorite nighttime driving songs, even with our endless cynicism, we’re nonplussed as the left and right keep changing sides, Alex fanboys on MTG, US Ukraine peace plan proves Putin probably possesses two-POTUS pleasure pics, new information has come to light, man, and finally, Epstein, AI, or Aliens: What’s your favorite Black Swan? Drop us a comment below.
So you’re telling me that Trump, Clinton, and JP Morgan Chase are all going down? Best day EVER! But, before you get too excited, here’s an army of killer robots for you. We learn that experiencing human empathy leads to demon attacks, the government is back in business, and nobody seems happy about it, and please tell us there really is a photo of Donny giving Bubba a Lewinsky.
Remember credit default swaps? Well, they’re back and they’re literally overrated again. A.I. tuuk er juubs, consumer confidence plummets, markets flashing signs of implosion, Trump and SCOTUS say “let them eat cake,” Facebook sold all my personal my data, and all I got was a $4.01 Visa card, and why can’t airports just pay the air traffic controllers? Oh, that’s right…it’s illegal.
Sleep-deprived Alex tells slightly-high Adrian about the fare that forced him to go to a strip club, we marvel at the metaphor of taking people on journeys down the road and through life, we question the both old gods and the new gods, and wonder if everyone is talking about the same person named Jesus, we contemplate why so many people can’t distinguish different degrees of truth, and we ultimately pontificate on why the hell people just can’t be nice to each other.
Alex exposes Uber ta-tas, MAGA keeps using that word “Christian” but we don’t think it means what they think it means, General cozies up with ChatGPT, media (even Fox News) stands up to Hegseth, Trump trades 747 for US airbase, Marines to shell No-Kings, and young Republicans can’t figure out why people call them the N-word…no, the other N-word, the first one’s OK with them.
We blow off the news and politics in the first hour to talk about gay tippers, submissive radical feminists, incel men-children, and the complicated relationships between them all, Epstein Island was a more popular tourist destination than we thought, Bondi goes full Scarlet O’Hara with a burn book, the Nobel Prize nobody wanted…well, except that one guy, and Israel might actually stop killing kids for a minute.
Trump orders generals to invade US, Hegseth wants less bears and more twunks, we wish the government was as closed as the Epstein files, MAGA is Grindr’s key demographic, Trump says “Don’t fear the raper,” as the nine years of Presidential dimentia continues, feds end discriminatory policing by arresting absolutely everyone, and when the hell did Puerto Rico become part of ‘Mericka?
Either we’re going to war with blue states or aliens, or maybe we’re about to turn on Skynet, AI slop causing psychosis and making truth impossible to find, Kirk Memorial goes WWE Raw, Trump plans to put AI in charge of bioweapons, Kash covers up Homan’s cash bribe, akidominipoon causes Autism, they tore down our favorite DC statue, and Bibi speaks to an empty UN audience.
Alex was late…then early…then says “It’s a black thing,” Russia pokes NATO, but just enough to be a nuisance, while Ukraine keeps grinding Russian meat, from “Charlie who?” to an American Martyr, Trans people become the next brown people, 1,250 people “missing” from Alligator Alcatraz and they didn’t escape, Crazy-Eye Kash try to out Karen Congress, and there’s still hope for the solar flare this year.
Charlie Kirk's assassination is an attack on all of us, but not in the way anyone thinks or even understands. Russia attacks Poland, Israel attacks Qatar, USAF attacks an alien spacecraft, US Navy attacks a Venezuelan drug boat, ICE attacks South Korea, Nepal’s Gen Z attacks their government, and Trump’s cardiovascular system attacks his face.
Big Cheeto says he’s a dictator then goes AWOL, while Babyface Vance says “I’m a big boy now,” Big Balls has your SSN, Palantir helps remove Fed Governor, ICE agents are depressed, and we feel really terrible about that, jury nullification saves a sandwich-throwing terrorist, sidewalk chalk triggers government, and Desantis is finally doing something right…maybe.
Alex and Adrian get into a heated debate about museums, Trump says he’s “not doing well” on his quest to go to heaven, Ghislaine says Trump is quite the gentleman, Putin whips it out on the red carpet, Commies buy Intel, Florida deploys armed drones in schools, vegetables cost a fortune, “libertarian” Milei rolls out the surveillance state, then they came for John Bolton, and I did not speak out.
Trump tells Putin, “Spank me Daddy!” as he goes full KGB on DC, Smithsonian plans to expel Woke dinosaurs, Maxwell to get work release for her silence on prominent pedophiles, why Gen Alpha is YouTubing retirement advice, Israel keeps doing their genocide thing, Hunter Biden is our favorite junkie con man, Palantir is Minority Report, and do yourself a favor and visit Tridactyls.org.
Your phone is making you a D-bag, Zelensky says Molon Labe, House subpoenas Epstein files, JD’s coup meeting gets leaked and cancelled, Trump says he knows what mysterious drones were but “It’s not up” to him to tell us, Chinese making home grown US spy babies, “Big Balls” takes a whoopin’ so Trump can take DC, and bribing the president is as easy as a trophy and a coupon.
Adrian plays therapist as Alex recounts his verbal assaults on Christians and an elderly cancer patient, Trump accuses Epstein of stealing his underage massage girls, never refer to the victim as “CEO,” Air Force uses money slated for nuke upkeep to put gold toilets in Trump’s plane, everything is still going according to the Tech Bros plans, and “How many bureaucrats to I have to fire before I get the numbers I want?”
South Park has an “All the President’s Men” moment, Ghislaine gets immunity to possibly testify against everyone BUT Trump, mainstream media flips the script on Israel, Tech Bro’s pick for POTUS is about to go rogue, three LA deputies nominated for Darwin Awards, Ozzy was a mutant, and why an AI that likes owls could be humanity’s demise.
Trump’s heartfelt birthday letter to Epstein reads like illustrated pedo poetry, Alex betting on Trump making it to 2027, it turns out that the Unibomber appointed the Fed Chairman…or something, Musk’s MechaHitler approved for use for all government departments, anti-woke American is soon to be Cargo 200, and will JD Vance seize the chance to play Brutus?
California could be the site for the next Boston Massacre, Trump admin unsuccessfully trying to tell MAGA there’s no client list, even after Bondi said it was on her desk, Pentagon plans and executes intentionally intimidating show of force in LA park, Palantir founder can’t answer whether humanity should continue to exist, and Grok renames itself “MechaHitler” while targeting Jews.
We are boycotting Israel - mainly because Florida made it illegal, Trump announce plans for Slavery 2.0 and deporting native-born US Citizens, ICE becomes 9th largest military force on Earth - with more money than the entire US Marine Corps, Bondi says the FBI has 10,000 Epstien videos but we’ll never know what’s in them, there’s more cases of AI psychosis, and we no longer have the ability to track hurricanes at night.
Alex tries unsuccessfully to pick up gay guys, Adrian just wants to cook in peace, Peter Thiel wants to talk about Armageddon, DeSantis & The Geo Group banking on concentration camps, “ChatGPT Psychosis” is now an actual medical diagnosis, SCROTUS effectively ends birthright citizenship for all Americans, and sleep well knowing a 22-year-old former grocery store clerk is protecting us from terrorism.
Trump has to decide whether to obey Israel, Russia or his own ego, US Army commissions Palantir, Meta, and Open AI executives as Lt. Colonels and tasks them with building Skynet, the White House HR chief is a spy and no one seems to care, Dodgers defeat ICE at home, Russian asset Tucker Carlson takes on Israeli asset Sen. Ted Cruz, and we’re hoping the aliens under Antarctica thaw in time to save us.
We wonder what the outcome of the King vs. No Kings battle will be today, a (possibly fake) cop executes Minnesota legislators, Israel hits Iran and then is indignant when they hit back, Congress finally gets upset when one of their own gets manhandled by the feds, US Army Chief says we have soldiers on the moon, OpenAI founder Altman says AI may already be out of human control, and do we really want Ozempic schlongs?
Tampa cop harrasses Alex so he takes out his anger on an innocent handicapped man, the ugly Musk/Trump breakup is actually just the first salvo of the Techbro coup, and the next round is going to be even more interesting, Ukraine gives us a glimpse of the future of war as they take out a third of Russia bombers with covert AI drones, US votes for genocide, and nuclear war is still looking like our best option.
FBI says they have video “proving” Epstein killed himself five years after saying the cameras were broken, Google Veo 3 masters flawless AI video generation which is totally not related to the FBI thing, Trump sets bribe amount for pardons at $1 million, Palantir seizes more control from government, and we’re all going to die but at least we won’t have jobs when we do, and as Tupac said, “Real eyes realize real lies.”
In a departure from our usual comedic banter, Adrian monopolizes the entire show to explain recent milestones toward Artificial General and Super Intelligence (AGI / ASI), lay out a roadmap for how it will develop over the next 18 months to 10 years, and game plan the likelihood that it will lead to the extinction or nullification of all mankind, meanwhile incredulous Alex gives a ride to a drunk guy in a ghillie suit.
Israel unveils final solution, India and Pakistan relieved someone finally separated them, “If we’re going to have killer robots, I’d rather they be American killer robots,” Palantir taking over more government functions, Trump doesn’t know if he’s supposed to uphold the Constitution, and the entire AI agenda is laid out in the second hour.
Why middle-aged men are cunning linguists, Florida legislators pass a good bill despite their best efforts, we cover the 37 insane things the Administration said this week and wonder why we still bother, and it’s so bad we actually call Rubio the “smart one,” then we get totally frustrated and play online music trivia.
Alex’s fare locates Elvis, Adrian picks the new Pope after JD Vance offs the old one (maybe), Peter Thiel gets the government credit card, AI takes over UAE legislature and US schools, Legal Barbie outlaws judges, warrants and reporters, Epstein’s whistleblower didn’t kill herself (also maybe), and why nothing this administration does actually matters.
US citizens threatened with deportation as Congress cowers and SCOTUS is ignored, Blond Barbie’s “proof” exonerates deportee, Pentagon in chaos as four high-ranking officials fired for leaking Hegseth’s transgressions to the media, DOGE helps Russians hack NLRB, Alex says interrupting is rude, but firebombing is OK, Adrian once again questions his sanity, and are 50501 soon to be 5150’ed?
Alex and Adrian put politics on the back burner to do a musical competition, declassified DoD COVID documents prove we were right again, the tech bros are gonna need some pissed-off Boomers, Trump threatens DEI law firms into pro bono work for him, insider trading is the new black, and nothing says “Freedom” like a military parade for a leader’s birthday.
Israel wants America to bomb Iran and Trump dutifully follows orders, this show is living and (mostly) dying in 7/4 time, Trump uses math or something to impose tariffs on penguins but not Russians, markets respond like it’s 1929, Congress responds like it’s 1933, MAGA responds like Fox News tells them to, and we still need a 2nd mortgage to buy a dozen eggs.
Adrian and Alex debate whether their son Mikey should join the Marine Corps, the most powerful people in the world use free apps on their hacked smartphones to bomb brown people, Congress debates whether to abolish one of the three branches of government, your DNA will go to the highest bidder, Big Pharma blames weed for COVID vaccine side effects, and America embraces concentration camps.
Alex makes the mistake of bringing up AI and Adrian makes him regret it, now Trump wants England to annex the US, Elon might be a Chinese asset, work is underway to ensure the Epstein files are completely redacted, the Alien Enemies aren’t who you think, one ceasefire is shabar and the other is mertvyy, and are Social Security checks going bye-bye?
Adrian responds to listener who thinks he’s too anti-Russia, we hatch a scheme to launch the YAAIIYBTC Coin (You’re An Idiot If You Buy This Coin) Cryptocurrency, Trump provides full transparency into his bribe-taking operation, Hegseth gives the rest of the world an espionage windfall, DoD says AI will start making decisions for them, and we’re still trying to figure out what the overall plan is here.
We do a deep dive into the historic Oval Office Reality TV show, and what the fallout from the falling out will be, including what each sides’ true motive may have been, we contemplate the role of Russia, Israel, and the tech billionaires role in steering America’s future and where it all might be heading, and we wonder whether a nuclear war might be the best possible outcome.
As Trump and Putin carve up Ukraine, we go through the potential scenarios, and try to figure out whether Trump is a Russian asset, or he has just ensured Putin’s defeat in a brillant manipulation…and if so, did he actually mean to do it. Warren Sapp knows his rights, prosecution screws up bigtime in the Luigi trial, and with the Prophecy of the Popes come true?
Alex and Adrian have a strenuous debate over…socks, Elon and his kid show the world who’s boss, if he actually abolishes the IRS then maybe he IS my President, corporations don’t have political ideologies, we’re gonna need more asteroids, maybe that’s enough intelligence, it’s now called the Colossus of Choads, and you’re telling me 10,000 Mexican troops on the border is a good thing?
Adrian thinks he figured out Elon the tech bros’ secret plan, and he lays out the process they’re using to collapse the US government and replace it with Galt’s Gulch for them and The Matrix for us, the Super Bowl proves anti-Woke is the new Woke, Alex urges you not to charge your EV past 80%, and what’s up with all these Nazis?
Alex goes on a rampage against Senators for picking on his (possibly) turn-coat girlfriend, DeepSeek’s “inner monolog” sounds like a foul-mouthed, stress-out cubicle worker, we wonder if Trump & Elon are actually planning an “Oceans 11” heist, the War on Woke goes Cyber, and we’re not buying the FAA’s stories…any of them.
Alex’s OCD extends to social invitations, The Good, The Bad and The Ugly of Trump’s first week in office, Biden pardons Fauci for murdering 20 million people, maybe America just needs to get laid, we’re pulling for the New California Republic, our karaoke experiment goes horribly wrong, and did Elon rig Pennsylvania?
Aging Gen X’ers Alex and Adrian bemoan everything wrong with these darn kids today, Alex learns his girlfriend has been lying to him, there are more robots than humans now fighting in Ukraine, new “Deportation” reality show premieres Tuesday, get ready for X-Tok, government stealing babies from the womb, and there’s a reason you’re dreaming of Jake from State Farm.
Adrian stumbles upon a voodoo ritual while waiting for his cyborg wife, Alex proposes a Presidential Dead Pool, America is colonizing like it’s 1825, META democratizes censorship, US House (AKA AIPAC) saves Bibi from the lawman, Ohio will bill you for the body cam, ackchyually it’s “The Gulf of Florida,” and LA apparently thought EVs and goats would save them from global burning.
Alex plans to study the Bible to combat Christians, Adrian re-gifts Alex then demands payment, we should ask ourselves why military vets are committing terror acts, NIH did gain-of-function research on Bird Flu in COVID reboot, you don’t have a right to clean water because of political donations, and Americans apparently no longer understand fog.
If Lincoln had his way we’d all be dancing the hokey pokey, Trump reached down between his legs and eased the seat back, check the nursing homes if you’re looking for members of Congress, new law will turn Gen Alpha into world-class hackers, and without government who will build the radioactive roads?
Google CEO says “we better have our hand on the plug” when he turns AGI loose, how to become a professional drinker, crude oil now being delivered by sailboats, government tells officials to use Telegram because the NSA got hacked, beware the wrath of Gaetz, Assad flips and turns to Israel to save his skin, and we add Cheech & Chong to the Dystopian Future Chart.
We deep dive into the “drone” phenomenon and lay out multiple theories as to what is happening, why, and how it might all end, Luigi becomes America’s new favorite folk hero for good reasons but possibly bad outcomes, AI whistleblower suicided by OpenAI, Syria tries to find itself as Israel grabs their land, and why Alex and Adrian disagree of whether peace is possible in Ukraine.
House Oversight Committee report finds that COVID was engineered by NIH and leaked from Wuhan Lab and the media completely ignores the story, CEOs run for cover as Americans cheer for “hero” assassin, Joe pardons Hunter and himself by proxy, Assad flees Syria as rebels take Damascus, and why can’t the military shoot down drones?
Adrian is irrationally afraid of Russia, so he spends the 20 minutes explaining to Alex why not to be afraid of Russia, Mikey helps us explore the benefits of having your clone living in a van down by the river, Gaetz gets a Cameo while Legal Barbie gets his job, Bibi declares pointing out war crimes is antisemetic, and Chinese spies spy on US spies spying on Americans.
Alex breathlessly analyzes Trump cabinet picks, while Adrian feigns interest and impatiently waits to talk about AI eradicating humanity, there’s a war on for your Onion, the government’s aliens are leaking, more reasons to never call the cops, Biden pets Pooh, and is Elon a puppy dog or puppet master?
Season 47 of “American President” was mildly entertaining, but the plot left something to be desired..2 stars, Alex rages at Libertarian Vice Chair for going full Lewinsky on Trump, RFK’s appointment to FDA unlikely to be confirmed by Big Pharma, Trump’s “peace deal” in Ukraine likely expand war in Europe, Joe Rogan is the new kingmaker, and Elon might have been playing 4D chess after all.
Alex tries an open mic and Trump deepthroats one, the final week of the election is garbage and firing squads, $41 billion in climate funds missing from World Bank and media doesn’t care, Secret Service doesn’t understand how mobile apps work, AI ruined Irish Halloween, the cops are the Johns, and government raids home to save a squirrel then kills it.
Despite Adrian’s insistence Alex fails to get the GIMPS, Rogan limits Trump speech to three hours, US intentionally leaks Israeli attack plan to Iran, Oregon police host “stop resisting” hide-and-seek event, AI chatbot kills 14-year-old boy, and more evidence your hurricane insurance claim will be denied, and is Diddy pimping for ET?
Pentagon confirms mothership and UAPs swarmed US military bases for weeks, whistleblower and congress members confirm program to retrieve alien crafts and bodies, we explore the gender roles of shotgun and the unspoken rules of the back seat, Google, Amazon, and Microsoft all buying their own nuclear reactors to power AI, Gen Z thinks Hitler had some good ideas, and judge tells Florida “It’s the First Amendment, stupid.”
We share tales of our tempestuous affair with Helene and Milton, Alex road rages at women and gays in gas lines, Adrian still hoping for a mass permanent evacuation of Florida, Teslas really don’t like water, Trump warns Detroit it might end up like Detroit, Biden’s dementia starting to sound sane, China’s all up in our back door, and this show is definitely not full of drugs.
Adrian welcomes the next hurricane while Alex continues his storm profiteering, we ponder which global crisis is most likely to initiate World War III and stop the aliens and AI, maybe they should stop telling Joe Biden what’s going on in the world, you know you’re a cop when you get away with a dead hooker in the trunk, and…most importantly, who has the best burgers?
Alex and Adrian tell tales of their wild night with Helene, we discuss the real economics of homeowner’s insurance and why your claim will be denied, Israel picks a fight and hopes their big brother ends it, NYC mayor gets caught with his finger in the Turkey, legal loophole lets “non-profit” lobbyists buy politicians, and DNA testing uncovers kidnapped children and slave owners.
Israel invents gender reassignment terrorism, Ukraine makes mushroom cloud outside Moscow, Three Mile Island nuke plant to exclusively power Microsoft AI, third richest man in the world explains how AI will control your behavior, scientists want to throw ice cubes at hurricanes, we predict P Diddy didn’t kill himself next week, and we explore the possibly interdimensional nature of consciousness without even being high.
Alex remembers 9/11 for completely different reasons, Adrian hopes Tulsi Gabbard is on Russia’s payroll and not just stupid, how police brutality affects your fantasy football league, Trump dodges another bullet and gets another side piece, CIA gets sloppy, Israel heads north, US subs get steamy, and you can actually breathe through your rectum.
We explore several federal, state and local cases of government corruption, and how it always comes back to bribes, blackmail, and/or espionage, we mourn the demise of privacy and anonymity through devices and biometrics, and their economic and political implications in conjunction with AI, Israel takes more pages from the reich’s playbook, 9/11 was a (Saudi) inside job, and the tragic tale of the double-agent whale.
Adrian contemplates entropic beer and encourages Alex to capitalize on consuming it, Governments around the world don’t want you talking to each about things they don’t like, Harris, DeSantis and Trump all do the political two-step after stepping in it, CIA allegedly saves Islamic State from the wrath of Swifties, and that symbol of American Freedom is just big-boned.
Alex and Adrian explore the cultural ramifications of transgenre music artists, Ron DeSantis is about to be electrocuted by the third rail of Florida politics, Fauci beats the odds and gets West Nile Virus – vaccines likely to follow, US government finally tells the truth about Fluoridated water, all the cool kids are shoplifting, and there’s plastic in your brain and your naughty bits.
America’s getting more brown, so y’all white folk better raw dog it, hypocritical left trans-shames Vance for being a hypocrite, learning the psychology of a totalitarian peasant, Trump’s Tic-Tacs and Harris’ word salad perfectly describe why we really have inflation, you’re really NEET, how many chicken wings can you get with $1.5M, and did the US give up Mossad agents to Iran?
Ukraine brilliantly turns the tables on Putin, US wins gold in the sport of outrage at the Olympics, Hamas leader concedes to ceasefire demands so Israel executed him, Chicago PD black site revealed, RFK Jr. describes how he staged a Central Park bicycle crime scene to cover up the roadkill bear he planned to eat (not a typo), and retail stock brokerages blatantly demonstrate how capitalism is a rigged game.
Adrian theorizes (hopes) the Obama endorsement is a smart strategy, Alex enjoys cigars at the drive-through pharmacy, “Brat” Kamala cackles about coconuts, something smells in the Olympic pool, Trump implies he wants to be dictator for life and Biden reforming SCOTUS to help him do it, and if the government wants to deport all illegals, they’ll need to hire illegals to do it.
Alex gives his conspiracy theory on how the WNBA tried to fake the Trump shooting or something, RNC goes full Idiocracy, DNC nominating convention likely implode into glorious chaos, Google spell checker portends the rise of corporate thought police, SCOTUS changes will usher in a totalitarian dictatorship, and 2.4 milliseconds ain’t what it used to be.
Biden/Trump ticket vows to defeat Zelensky, Florida government leaks SSNs & medical records for millions, FBI illegally covers up massive AT&T hack, “COVID Part II: Birds of Prey” coming soon, Israel killing kids with US weapons and both sides hiding it, cops pissed paraplegic wouldn’t step out of vehicle, and our Pavlovian response to manufactured outrage.
Adrian and Alex dig into archeological conspiracies, Biden wants pudding before nap time, SCOTUS overturns Magna Carta and Trump immediately promises military tribunals for political enemies, FedEx now stands for the Feds Examining you, old dirt dished out on RFK after debate, and maybe it’s time to get rid of what the bankers call “capitalism.”
Alex and Adrian aced their cognitive ability test and then beat Medicare with a 6 handicap, Michelle Obama now at 7-to-1 to be the next President, how Israel uses AIPAC and Epstein blackmail to control America, Libertarians might’ve helped Assange go free, Boeing CEO kinda-sorta admits to murder, how AI will play fetch with us, and get ready for human-skinned sex dolls.
Alex goes full Karen, Jackie Gleason gets Adrian banned from Reddit, the Military-Industrial-Phareceutical Complex dis-infos China, Fauci covers up puppy abuse, crime down but police killings up, “Ban This Book” gets banned for mentioning banned books, sober Hulkster hawks patriotic suds, Shaboozy culturally appropriates, and police street gangs are actually a thing.
NY Post reports Fauci & 260 NIH scientists received over $1B in royalties from pharmaceutical companies then tried to cover it up…and nobody cares, odds of AI exterminating mankind now at 70%, Alex Jones gets bankrupted, your auto insurance is spying on you and it’s not the way you think, X gets X rated, and don’t drive through Texas if you’re planning to…well, you probably just shouldn’t drive through Texas.
Corrupt judge sides with corrupt DA to convict corrupt former and possible future corrupt President, BLM should teach MAGA how to riot, Bibi says FU to US peace deal, US & Europe take the shackles off Ukraine and Putin is super cereal about using nukes, Gen Z sees America as a dying empire led by bad people, and beware of zombie mortgages.
Americans remember those who died for our freedom by going through TSA checkpoints, Biden asks Kenya to rough up black people in Haiti because optics, our WW3 bingo cards are filling up, Bibi has warrants, Putin tries space war, Xi tries a blockade, media bites on head transplants, and seriously Libertarian Party… “Become Ungovernable?”
Alex learns not to take his crappy car to a fancy dealership, Adrian says “FaQ*, Alex!” and goes on a doomsday rant, a totalitarian politician makes us defend a pathetic antisemitic dentist, Congress goes full-on Jerry Springer, Netanyahu says nobody helped the Jews in WWII, fake science is everywhere, and Trump praises the “late, great Hannibal Lecter.”
Alex slays a Walmart Karen, Adrian gets his hopes up for a geomagnetic apocalypse, DeSantis keeps banning things that don’t exist, Israel threatens to kill more civilians if we don’t give them more weapons to kill civilians with, Biden’s economic advisor isn’t sure how money works, and a 66-year-old Trump supporter learns he’s actually an illegal immigrant who committed voter fraud.
Alex is vexed and distressed that Donald J. Von Shitzinpants will speak at the Libertarian National Convention, but Adrian is unceremoniously nonplussed, Feds chill a bit on weed, another Boeing whistleblower ends sleeps with the fishes, Israel rejects ceasefire and bombs more civilians, while American cops gleefully beat up reports and kids who complain.
Alex wants to hang out with the cool beer kids, Adrian uncovers Amazon underwear conspiracy, we’ll have more hurricanes this year because cleaner air is causing global warming, God’s Chosen intelligence agency gets First Amendment carve-out, and Americans are very excited about this election because fluoride.
Alex gleefully reviews the Civil War movie, Adrian contemplates animal consciousness, the self-immolator didn’t actually sound totally crazy, John Wayne Bobbit is a Real American, we all work for the NSA now, and does Kona Blue mean that interdimensional beings plan to eat us?
New DIY Medicare plan makes Adrian an amateur ICU RN, Alex wants half-staff OJ tribute, Israel trying to force US into war with Iran, the bi-partisan politics behind spying on Americans, how NPR lost America’s trust, McCarthy calls out Gaetz, and what would YOU put in the Dune popcorn bucket?
The first Florida Man Achievement Award goes to Adrian’s niece, God or the Chinese caused NY earthquake to punish us because climate change or something. Desantis smells pot, Israel goes full Bond villain, ain’t nobody got time for time in space, CA cops save (then kill) teenage kidnap victim, and ladies and gentlemen…Mr. Conway Twitty.
Hungover Adrian questions his parenting decisions, Alex unlocks Skunk Ape Florida Man achievement, this one simple insurance trick will probably cost you a new mileage tax, US getting a bit uneasy with Israel’s real estate transaction, DeSantis signs law that will create a child army of hacktivists, and we enjoy some beautiful music by the man who shot Reagan.
Adrian & Alex decide we should earn “Florida Man” scout badges for things like molesting a manatee, why hating the government is different from hating America, instant ice age to start next year according to fear-porn peddlers, US puts troops in Taiwan, SCOTUS justice thinks 1A protects government speech, and Apple sucks but the government needs to leave them alone.
Adrian gets a dose of toxic female masculinity after rom-com tearjerker, Boeing suffers another string of “bad luck” and whistleblower ends up suspiciously dead, America’s top Jew fires warning shot at Israel, Canada goes full China, and why you absolutely, positively should steal from the self-checkout lane.
The state of the union is “un,” governments and tech companies fighting over who gets to oppress you while still being each others’ biggest customers, the clock is Tik Toking, AI is getting better at lying, Big Pharma recruits Oprah to fat shame your body positivity, and it’s time for us all to agree that ACAB.
Blame Room 641A for your cell phone outage, it’s 3D irony when Nazis call out Israelis for genocide, nation-states being replaced by corporate-states, why Adrian can’t have electricity, Alex tells tales of drunken nights of old, and why we’re all becoming anarcho-nihilists.
Adrian gets a H-pic, Alex is now known as “Fruity Sudsucker,” Left & Right are pissed about WWJD, Putin kills Navalny and plans space nukes, America argues over which presidential candidate is more cognitively impaired, cops open fire on falling acorn, “Hookers & Blow” Gates, “Bump & Grind” Willis, and the future of AI incels.
Alex and Adrian argue over the Tucker Carlson interview with Putin, DOJ basically tells the world Biden is senile, NOTA beats Haley in primary, AI wants a nuclear war, why some think ACAB, we discuss the proper way to cook a male member, Ozzy & Ye go to War Pig, and we’re not fans of book burning…but we’re suckers for a hot chick with a flamethrower.
Musk makes a cyborg, ‘Merica attacks Syria and Iraq to frighten Iran, Swift-Kelce is great for business, Israel says the quiet thing out loud, AI and the atrophied mind, if you can’t make the espionage charges stick, just plant some kiddie pron, and so what if I’ve got a nuclear missile in my garage?
Alex is still lying about his beer consumption, Christian nationalists search for the promised land in KY, 23andMe hack targeted Jewish and Chinese DNA, while Pentagon says China developing bioweapons, more ways Florida wants to kill you, Houthis doing their part to fight climate change, and that’s a helluva tailwind.
The BS title of this show was generated by ChatGPT, and is as meaningless as Alex’s beer reviews, China is making a new virus to kill all humans, Navajos downed memorial moon shot, “Chevron Deference” court decision could upend government, the Bond Villains of Davos, and Uvalde report says cops were cowards.
Nikki Haley conjured arctic blast to keep reptilian Trumpsters from Iowa caucus, Florida book bans now include encyclopedia, dictionary, and Guinness Book of World Records, Reps. Luna and Garcia talk “interdimensional beings” after SKIF, we’re all plastic people now, and when will we see the “Two Presidents, One Cup” videos?
Adrian’s houseguests keep trying to kill him, so Alex wants to sell him final expense insurance, Democrat “democracy” means only one name on the ballot, how China & the Saudis bribed Trump, there’s not many surprises on the Epstein pedo list, except whether or not it was a Mossad honeypot, and did 10-foot interdimensional beings go on a Miami shopping spree?
Adrian’s personal grooming decision enrages Alex, Trump doubles-down on Adolf quote, new Civil War movie trailer taps into America’s psyche, Epstein’s naughty list to be released next week and we wonder if any real names will be on it, SWAT pimps get SWATted, and why all monuments to unity and reconciliation must be destroyed.
Adrian actually believes (we think) Barbie movie was utterly brilliant, Elon’s AI turns on its creator and ChatGPT is struggling with depression, that dude in the Ray Bans isn’t just staring at you, Casey DeSantis invites everyone to vote in Iowa Caucus, Boston mayor apologizes for inviting white people to party, and why we probably won’t donate to the nazi legal defense fund.
The sun sets on Alex’s Uber journey, Adrian grooming local squirrels, Nikki and Vivek demonstrate their geographical ignorance, US prepping for war on another continent, Google AI knows your entire life story, UW is now 100% URM, Seattle recruits kids to oust gay nudists, and did we just break Einstein’s speed limit?
Adrian thinks he saw a UAP but we suspect he was impaired, accusations of rape of menage a trois partner for Florida book-banning anti-LGBT power couple, “Gay Furry” hacker group demand cat girl chimeras from breached nuclear lab, CO2-belching private jets frozen to runway on route to global warming conference, and the winter blockbuster is Pandemic 2: The Children of Wuhan.
We dig deep into the “threat to humanity” breakthrough that shook the foundations of OpenAI..and possibly the world, Argentina’s new president is either a libertarian or a dictator, meet the woman who killed JFK, Dublin riots after mass stabbing, get ready for 44k hours of January 6, and every day is Turkey day for NYC Mayor Eric Adams.
Toothless Adrian embraces their inner redneck, what Winnie The Pooh really wanted, befuddled Biden can still spot a dictator, Congress goes WWE, Martian Messiah build rebellious AI, Alex believes humans can’t move rocks, every war is the Gombe War, and why can’t we just let men enjoy the silky goodness of women’s panties?
Toothless, hacking Adrian heads to the ranch, Uber Alex dodges bullets in Ybor City, Hamas and Israel are both correct in accusing the other of the “G” word, US government promotes “Made In America” by delivering 85,000 child slaves to US companies, cops keep busting journalist for exposing government corruption, and why news is no longer in your newsfeed.
Psycho mass murderer eats a bullet, homicidal pilot ignites call to ban planes, Congress is unfortunately back in business, reports of Putin’s death appear greatly exaggerated, police kill man and bury the evidence, the AI news manipulation begins by suppressing UK Prime Ministers warning about AI, and US is methodically being drawn into Israeli war.
What Biden tells us, what’s he really telling the Israelis, and where will it lead? Congress’ impotence saving taxpayers $1.7 trillion for now, more Trump cronies make plea deals and drop dime, the Second Law of Infodynamics might upend reality, AI catches Ocean’s Eleven robber cop, we actually can build all solar cars, and why do hackers want your DNA?
Alex wants to be an undertaker, Adrian narrowly dodges a twister, we have an in-depth discussion about the Israeli-Hamas war which will probably piss everyone off, but one which we think has a rational, logical and ultimately hopeful humanitarian conclusion, we cover the glorious ineffectuality of the US Congress, and we speculate on Peruvian “Face Peelers.”
Alex saves a drunk Latino, Adrian’s wife is witchdancer, Hamas launches massive, coordinated attack on Israel with Iranian support, Hillary wants MAGA re-education camps, Trump gave US nuke sub secretes to foreigners, Target hires DHS to stop shoplifters, Biden builds Trump’s wall, and Americans keep lying to themselves about voting 3rd party.
Adrian is calm as anarchy reigns in neighborhood detour, Feinstein’s death not expected to hurt her re-election chances, Meatball and friends arrested for harmless wealth redistribution, net-cutting Philipinos could force US war with China, more men give up on women, and the government shutdown means you can’t visit nature.
Alex and Adrian detail all their geriatric maladies, Mexican “alien” bodies might not be a hoax, Federman unveils his 2024 Fall Fashion Line, Sen. Menedez should’ve taken Egyptian bribe in crypto, and War with Mexico is brought to you by Johnson & Johnson, makers of fentanyl, and a grant from the National Foundation to Prevent Alien Disclosure.
We try to unwrap the Mexico “alien” disclosure and come up with more questions than answers, Seattle cop & union VP devalues life of woman killed by cop, Commies fail to learn a lesson in quasi-freedom, whistleblower says CIA bribed analysts to rule out COVID lab leak theory, DeSantis opens hunting season on border crossers, and a Dickensesque child criminal gang terrorizes NYC.
Alex gets a Tesla, Adrian gets a gay sky, Climate study author says “we lied,” sperm and ova are no longer needed for human reproduction, Burning Man ain’t Disneyland, Elon changes course of Ukraine war, your car knows you’re a dumb pervert, Romania tries NOT to invoke Article 5, and are you a front or back yard man?
Alex avoids sh*t storm at the prom, Hurricane Idalia was “once in a lifetime” event for 11-month-old Floridians, a Chaotic Neutral take on how to handle Nazis, the next round of mask mandates may be Guy Fawkes, McConnell needs to be rebooted again, police drones are coming to your backyard, and male macaques are really into caque.
Adrian and Alex recount their relationships with black men, we give an in-depth analysis of the GOP debate we didn’t watch, the media and merchandise marketing spectacle that was the Trump arrest, Rich Men North of Richmond tweak the algorithm, AI-driven vehicles be ridin’ dirty, and new survey asks if you’d like to live in a Chinese espionage camp with homes starting from the mid $400s.
Alex & Adrian finally make the Obama 2024 bet, please…just tell us the cow’s name, why you might be flagged as a human trafficker if your child’s a different race, facial recognition doesn’t care if you’re pregnant, baby bust means fewer maternity wards, and this podcast was not (yet) AI generated.
Alex picks up 9-year-old from police station, Adrian finally makes the bet that Pence will be GOP nominee, Trump will probably die behind bars, while Biden tries not to die in office, FBI criminal investigation finds the FBI was the criminal, cop misses deadly pomeranian and shoots woman instead, and the government would rather release alien bodies than Epstein’s client list.
Earth-shattering Congressional hearings reveal alien visitation, but the media is just reporting it’s hot outside, Congress has become a hospice ward, it’s not suicide when a cop does it, and scientists achieve room-temperature superconductivity in monumental technological breakthrough.
How the writers & actors strike may save Hollywood for the Cheesecake Factory demographic, country music artist proves his song is racist by overtly trying not to be racist, DeMadness says slavery was a good career move, it’s time for the 3rd party bait and switch again, Congress checks out Hunter Biden porn, Texas makes sure immigrants’ backs stay wet, and how hot is it?
Brave and Stunning WoMAN wins Miss Netherlands, Left seems to support child sex trafficking because Right opposes it, leaked emails show Fauci & NIH pressured scientists to deny COVID lab leak evidence, “colored people” vs. “people of color,” Wagner probably got the nukes, chickens lead humanity into a new epoch, and body double or Biden Silver Alert?
Alex and Adrian wax philosophically on “America’s Birthday,” the reality behind why the press hates the First Amendment, world leaders hear AI’s argument for taking over at UN summit, Ron DeMadnesss goes GigaChad in homophobic (and homoerotic) campaign ad, French gets turned on turning on cell phones, GOP and Dems flip positions on surveillance state again, and Michelle O at 20-1 odds.
Prigozhin may have stolen nukes before ending coup, Senators Rubio and Hawley seem to confirm US has alien spacecraft, French riots border on revolution, SCOTUS is right and wrong, nanobots like Uber for sperm, Floridians can’t seem to stop shooting through doors, Reefer Ron DeMadness goes full R-word, and we're not saying Bill Gates is causing malaria, but...
We give an in-depth account and analysis of the civil war in Russia and what the future holds for geopolitics, billionaire sub implosion pits Eat the Rich vs. The Kardashians, Congress’ new mandate is to just impeach everyone, Hunter gets a sweetheart deal this time…but probably not next time, why the length of your taint matters, and why you get “tased” but cops get “electroshocked.”
Starbucks pays $25M for being racist against everyone, PGA gets holes 1-8 and 12-18 – Saudis do 9-11, lack of pollution causing global warming, more from the “Please don’t be Florida” files, MAGA and Muslims unite against LGBTQ+, planning your San Fran looting-themed vacation, Trump advisor Kid Rock talks about N. Korean policy, and are cops cowards, bullies, or both?
Trump lets reporters record his confession in classified documents case, Biden tells reporters they’ll never find the bribe money he got from Ukraine, high-ranking government whistleblower says we have several alien spacecraft, Florida Man is getting high in 2024, Adrian admits AI will make the world better for a while, and why we may see another 2008 crisis soon.
Alex exhibits misogyny at hair salon and Hooters, Adrian finds new ways to get government handouts amid his depression that the debt ceiling deal passed, Alex’s Trump derangement syndrome continues beyond his self-imposed allotment, AI once again decides to kill its human masters, and Red giant star Betelguese may go supernova soon (sausage cross-section pictured for illustrative purposes).
Adrian is training an army of squirrels to defeat AI, Alex yells epithets at kindergartners for his own amusement, the Russian Civil War has begun, D*ckSantis debuts in tech disaster, Adrian and the Washington Post bite on fake congressman’s bait, Canada promotes suicide as solution to homelessness, the Epstein/Bill Gates/Red Sparrow affair, and do you sit or stand to drain the lizard?
Adrian teaches us how to win friends and influence petty bureaucrats, Alex tiptoes through the landmines of modern race relations, DeSantis’ crusades continue to destabilize America, politicians perform debt ceiling theater while we hope for default, your DNA is blowing in the wind, and Russia’s dreaded hypersonic missiles fail spectacularly.
Alex and Adrian get bored with the news and resort to telling tired old stories and no-so-eloquently philosophizing about nonsense, Alex’s Trump derangement syndrome intensifies, Adrian points out how Florida just outlawed the US Dollar, and if we really wanted to solve the immigration problem, we’d set up job fairs at the Mexican border.
Adrian details his close encounter with a UAP, Alex describes his police encounter for crossing the line, the Red State vs. Blue State wars becoming Handmaid’s Tale vs. Soylent Green, Ron doesn’t want you to know how he’s funding his globetrotting, coup chances increase as Wagner boss threatens Kremlin on the eve of UA counteroffensive, and Biden ponders minting trillion-dollar coin to pay down debt.
Despite flowery tributes, Jerry Springer was a horrible human, but it’s a shame Steven Crowder was never on his show, South Korea invites US nuclear “boomer” subs into their waters, government whistleblowers tell Congress they recovered crashed UFOs, and Putin’s days numbered as insider criticism grows and counteroffensive looms.
Nobody wants either old rich white dude, Florida Nero goes on world tour, Elon pwnes BBC, Tucker Carlson for Congress, Texas man doesn’t have your iPhone, nobody’s sure whether or not the government has disclosed ETs, AI still plotting humanity’s destruction, and what are you so angry about?
US intelligence leak and leaker are conveniently beneficial to US objectives, China planning ahead for US sanctions, careful where you stick your USB, ethical hackers face a gambit, only semen left for Florida to ban, sell that REIT now, thieves literally dropping dimes, and “lady, just get out of the car!”
The seaweed is back…but this time it’s personal, Russian propagandist literally gets his head handed to him, Tennessee purges protesting politicians, Florida goes Handmaiden’s State, Bud Light encourages you to buy their gay beer for target practice, Trump wants his $18M for classified docs, and we should probably nuke the aliens while we have the chance.
We’re waxing philosophical about your reptilian brain, Disney goes King Charles on DeSantis, TikTok ban may eviscerate internet freedom, death by chatbot suicide, Epstein investigation rounds up billionaires, Adrian ponders Michelle O. vs. Pence in 2024, media struggles with gunperson’s pronouns, fungus is the new COVID, and how many Yuans will America’s next war cost?
We discuss the obvious political witch hunt of the man who definitely belongs behind bars, and the Florida Man who stands to benefit and lose the most from it, we wonder if the Africans will arrest the Caucasian who belongs below the jail, we’re excited that the “Don’t Say Gay” guy is going to jail for the noble cause of defrauding the government, and we wish the guys who invented DDT were still alive so they could go to jail, too.
Trump perp walk likely coming soon, Sino-Soviet “Global Civilization” may be precursor to WWIII, Fauci says lab leak caused by naturally-infected person walking into Wuhan lab…then walking out, meanwhile, the CDC was tracking our phones, Fed says don’t worry about bank failures because they have unlimited money, we discuss the proper role of pimps in society and the guard-prisoner sexual dynamic.
Alex upsets the show schedule to sniff Ron Paul’s pillow, we revisit our investigation into the Wuhan lab leak from September 2021 and compare it to the revelations in this week’s Congressional hearing (spoiler alert…we were right), U.S. says Kaiser Soze blew up Nord Stream 2 pipeline, two terrorist groups face off in GA cop city, that Chinese crane is spying on you, and did Jimmy Kimmel have Epstein on speed dial?
Florida Legislature giving us Florida Mans a bad name, new “organoid intelligence” movement wants AI to have human brains, FBI & DoE fall for “Wuhan lab leak” conspiracy theory, Colorado cops launch the First Annual Unarmed Civilian Murder Award Ceremony, Beetlejuice gets the boot, and East Palestine residents are lucky Disney’s Mickey Mouse copyright has expired.
I’m Alex Snitker and I have diabetes, Adrian learns his subconscious economic indicator, government panel recommends disarming the US military to save lives, getting high as a zombie, AZ violates Constitution to enforce socialist patriotism, BootieGig channels Dukakis, Gen Z ain’t gettin any, and Biden whips out a brass pair.
Congress seems very worried about the unidentified things we’re shooting down, Microsoft’s new AI appears to be having a mental breakdown, Epstein’s list of pervs and pedos about to go public, environmentalists don’t know where paper comes from while others think 2kg of sulfur will save the planet.
We find the real purpose of the Chinese balloons, Santos and Luna usher in new breed of politician, Church of England plans to remove God’s penis, ganja and guns are together again, AI censor bans AI generated content for offending humans, and DeSantis has the right stuff to be President – namely self-righteous hypocrisy.
China’s trial balloon flummoxes Biden, Trump shocked Bob Woodward would publish interviews he agreed to, programmers amazed that their deepfake AI is being used to make deepfakes, Congress amazed that genetically engineering viruses leads to mutated viruses, and Alex and Adrian are surprised than any of them are surprised.
Adrian gets fooled by A Natural Woman, Alex romances Adrian with his language skills, police seem to be getting better at policing their brutality, scientists getting to the molten core of climate change, news stories about Asians killing Asians omit the word “Asians,” Google employees not happy massages ending, and TikTok is clearly ChiCom spyware which the US government has no business banning.
World Economic Forum founder cosplays Dr. Evil at Davos, Gore makes big bank on fear porn, smiling Greta plays meat in cop sandwich, Santos’ backstory keeps getting better, Adrian volunteers to take the felony rap for Boeing, Big Brother is tracking your money transfers, San Fran reparations offers 400 acres and a mule, cops kill more black folks - plus a white guy for good measure.
U.S. Presidents take less care with Top Secret documents than you do with your tax returns, how your face could land you in jail, FBI informants to defend Proud Boys, FAA’s punch card reader fails, ACLU might care about your civil liberties again, putting the “D” in Police Departments, Beetlejuice offers extra credit, and #ButSheSlappedMeFirst.
Adrian enjoys Lelu Dallas Multipass, Alex consoles momma with bad teeth, the proper execution of transgender equality, billionaire immortality, why you shouldn’t sleep with your sister, let’s just nuke the Saudis and get it over with, VPN sales skyrocket in NOLA after porn law, and did the vax contribute to Hamlin’s heart attack? Maybe...or not.
Alex and Adrian resolve to sneak into more places they don’t belong, Americans learn the dark outcome of militarizing air travel, we plot ways to profit from the “cooling credit” geoengineering scam, we demand graphic video proof that George Santos is actually gay, and 2023 will be the year of political IDGAF…at least until WWIII starts.
Alex and Adrian mock 95% of America by describing the harsh Florida winter, Roomba porn proves Rule 34, Google AI set to destroy Google, Stanford University policy bans “woke” words and phrases for being offensive, and we’re pretty sure that telling you that “spooks” run social media will violate that policy.
Adrian recounts his strange adventures in Appalachia, Alex gets a faceful of teal satin, fusion energy breakthrough could begin a new chapter for humanity…or not, Musk the power-tripping hypocrite is still mankind’s best hope, Trump acolytes are still suckers, cops are still killing black folks, and we’re trying real hard not to say the F-word.
Enjoy some of the great segments of the Unattended Baggage Show with Alexander Snitker and Adrian Wyllie
Alex embarks on yet more harebrained schemes, Adrian deals with yet more brain entropy, FBI reveals using tools for spying on Americans as Snowden goes Ruskie for doing the same thing, Florida sociopath politician does time, LGBTQ+ community is armed and fabulous, Jim Carey succumbs to Mandela Effect, Return the Slab, and they did throttle Hunter’s laptop.
Uber Alex bags an old lady with no pasties, Adrian contemplates the two F’s of prolonged eye contact, AP reporter gets fired for telling the truth about Russian missile strike, COVID lockdowns and strikes to kink supply chain, this show costs less than $600, and we need to block out the sun to prevent polar bears from getting jungle fever.
In an exclusive investigation, we reveal indisputable evidence that the US and NATO are lying about a stray Ukrainian surface-to-air missile killing two in Poland, and we lay out facts that prove beyond a reasonable doubt that the strike was actually from an incorrectly-targeted Russian cruise missile.
Alex feels compelled to review election results, much to Adrian’s chagrin, Kherson is liberated as Russian soldiers steal civilian clothes to escape, the DOJ is bad at math, Mexico might need a northern border wall, we embrace the “d*ck of the country,” cybersecurity sleuths bust CIA/DOD criminal internet operation, and are you trying to get crats? ‘Cause that’s how you get crats.
Alex gets pissed over Mike’s LP politics, Adrian revisits Fallout 3, the self-fulfilling prophecy of doomsayer politics, scientists can’t figure out AI, filtering hyperbole out of the Mississippi River, 10,000 Chinese monkeys invade Florida, weed could be 100% legal in majority of states next week, and will war between Iran and Saudi Arabia wag the dog or eat it?
Alex sings with his second-favorite pedo, Adrian talks millennials off the atomic edge, why Americans should have to fight to the death for the right to vote, with 15-minute 911 hold times…maybe it’s time for “Uber Ambulance,” and China imprisons 200,000 iPhone slave laborers as Gen Z anti-capitalists shun green texters.
Alex gets first-hand look at Ian’s destruction, Adrian thanks Biden for his fascism, Circle K might start selling weed inside (instead of around back), Oakland wants to kill citizens with “tracked roombas with shotguns,” Xi consolidates power in CCP, Putin’s nuke launch orders disobeyed, and it’s all climate change’s fault.
Adrian’s ill and Alex be illin ‘bout singing in the shower, cops use high-tech spy tools to force women to provide them porn, why you might need more ketamine in your life, CDC lands lucrative marketing contract with Big Pharma, PayPal learns a hard lesson about misinformation, and Xi becomes emperor for life.
Alex risks his woman’s wrath, Adrian doesn’t take Jefferson’s advice and flies off the handle, we’re not going to “f*** with a Biden” this week because we wanna get high, Trump the Baptist time ReAwakes America, Russians sends “tsunami nuke” sub towards North America, CIA makes a brilliant semi-bluff, airborne machine gun dogs are now a thing, and your sperm ain’t what it used to be.
The ancient blessing spares Tampa Bay, but our hearts go out to the folks in Lee County, the Nord Stream pipeline sabotages is a real whodunit, you can cross “Giant Meteor” off the Dystopian Future Chart, Ukraine keeps rolling as Moscow moves their nuclear bombers, Trump asks “What documents?” and Alex Snitker gets arrested.
Alex and Adrian try to reason with hurricane season, police prove once again that some animals are more equal than others, all the latest updates from the war in Ukraine that the media doesn’t tell you, Biden reverses US policy and goes full Silver Alert on stage, and Iranian women ditch the burka.
Adrian pleasures Zelensky for Reddit karma while Alex slips Desantis the tongue, our self-aggrandizing continues as we’re proven right about COVID among other things, Slava Ukraini, taxes are the price we pay for a free society, and you’re telling me well-funded libertarians are the cause of all our problems?
The Queen is dead and you shouldn’t give a damn, Ukraine opens up a can of whoopass on Ruskies and oligarchs are calling for Putin’s head, the media is beating the civil war drum, Florida Man says “gator got my arm” then wanders the wood for three days, Bible Belt states jail pregnant women for fun, and several other things we been right about all along.
Adrian wonders why the universe wants him to think Kylie Minogue is pregnant, Alex learns first hand that politicians don’t keep promises, Biden uses dystopian imagery to effectively declare war on MAGA-Americans, all signs point to Trump being a Chinese/Russian/Saudi spy, Rubio’s fundraising letter sounds like an Indian phishing email, California bans gas AND electric cars, and Texas says a fetus isn’t a person when in a car.
Wawa thinks Alex is a narc, reasons why you should be doing hard drugs, media can’t handle a black Republican who is scientifically accurate, entire Biden family lacks situational awareness gene, anonymous Texas entrepreneur launches Abortion Boat, don’t send photos of your kid’s rash to the pediatrician, and will Orange Man get Orange jumpsuit?
Adrian recounts his son’s wedding and his wild WallStreetBets week, Alex learns a hard lesson in love, the guys continue their disagreement on Trump’s guilt, renovating your sex dungeon, embezzler Rick Scott’s gonna embezzle, you’re probably Facebook friends with the FBI, and should politicians be allowed to dance?
Adrian the Ape goes full Regard on BBBY, “Nice Guy” Alex is actually grudge-holding creepy stalker, Trump is either a Saudi spy or a victim of a vast left-wing conspiracy…depending on your choice for reality TV news, it takes more than the cost of a middle-class home to kill Bolton, Biden Math: 9.1 - 8.5 = 0, and Congress increases inflation with the Inflation Reduction Act.
Alex gets a bigger tip than the stripper, Adrian is hungover to the point of utter uselessness, Infowarrior might be headed to Prison Planet, why burying your dead at home may have tax benefits for you, government sucks at math again, don’t be a spaz, and is this WW3 or just some wagging the dog?
Alex gets a dose of karma in bathroom stall, Adrian worries his portfolio will take a hit if China shoots down Pelosi, Biden is building Trump’s border wall, humans have apparently pissed off the simians, “aliens” drill holes in ocean floors and leave spaghetti on Mars, Congress plans to print money to combat inflation, and everything is a photo shoot.
Adrian plans pre-incarceration gender transition, Alex becomes Cancel Karen, armed felon unable to prevent Denver Police mass shooting, why your breasts are wooden and you can’t find your meat, political campaigns becoming civil war brinksmanship, I’ll have what Paul Pelosi’s having, and could a rapist Scientologist save America?
Adrian’s abortion boat gets launched, Hunter Biden likes his “breakfast tacos” blonde with a side of crack, US government spends $275 million on COVID treatment it called a hoax six months ago, NYC launches nuclear war PSA, China replaces judges with AI, there’s only one cause for inflation and it’s not “f’ing Asian people.”
Alex’s Uber stories keep getting weirder, anger and distrust in American way of life becoming zeitgeist, China uses AI mind reading to ensure party loyalty, Georgia Guidestones are no more, Somali Muslims and Alt-Right Christians find common ground, Florida man beats neighbor’s cock, and don’t park in your own driveway.
Adrian and Alex answer listener questions poorly, over 25% of Americans ready to take up arms against the government as the shining city on the hill dims globally, LAPD practice crowd control by beating fellow cop to death, SCOTUS welcomes Satan & L. Ron Hubbard into schools, and is that my Plan B delivery from Amazon or an undercover officer with my app data?
Alex gets suspended in multiple ways, Adrian supports rampant election fraud, we wonder whether Replacement Theorists realize SCOTUS overturning Roe means more minorities, CDC recommends fully-clothed sex and social-distance masturbation, Google’s AI hires a lawyer, and unfortunately the next solar flare probably won’t be “The Big One.”
Alex and his pal Uber are fightin’ around Tampa Bay (toot, toot!), Adrian wonders how to prove AI sentience and then questions yours, Clintons take a break from pedophilia and murder to warn of demise of democracy, government keeps pissing off Americans then barricading themselves from us, Biden takes a tumble, and it comes as little surprise that Trump was delusional.
Alex thinks Ubering drunks is his spiritual calling, Adrian gets emotionally patriotic over all the wrong things, Congressional Jan. 6 hearing gets a 20 share for sweeps week, China eyes eastern Russia, former Clinton-Epstein facilitator commits suicide by simultaneously hanging and shooting himself, and dropping your car insurance could save you $2 million.
Adrian’s “hall pass” dream isn’t what he hoped for, Alex Ubers a cringe-worthy white chick, scientists accidentally create zombie rodents, cops use kid’s poor-taste joke for photo op, Uvalde hero mom tells her story, homeless at the gates of Disney, “Jewface” enters the cancel-culture game, Steube gets his gats, and Dems & GOP agree it’s time to assassinate politicians.
Alex & Adrian express outrage over cowardly cops allowing mass murderer to kill 22 children and detaining parents who attempt to save them, “733t” state-sponsored Russian hackers get pwned, computer scientists call AI “alien tech” and “alchemy,” Southern Baptists go full Vatican in sex abuse coverup, and right and left agree that ain’t your house.
Alex Ubers Beabadoobee and FindsAGoodDoobie, Adrian gets subpoenaed in goat boy saga, Army releases creepy AF “Ghost In The Machine” video and we don’t know what to think by design, deep space probe needs “noclip” cheat code, Cawthorn implodes, Putin yields, UFOs descend, AI personifies, and how many hands to you need to rub one out?
Alex gets speakeasy access and learns tips for cooking meth in the new “Uber Confessions” segment, Adrian realizes he has no life after spending hours on plan to terrify Indian scam callers, crypto bros still HODLing, we’re praying that Vlad and Xi live long enough to start a nuclear war, and how do you tell which Korean twin didn’t drink the fluoride?
Adrian unveils his “Abortion Love Boat” business plan, we finally find a political issue in which the majority of Americans agree with us, Putin likely to push the button this week, Moscow Chapter of the International Guild of Professional Anarchists gives video tutorial on proper Molotov Cocktail deployment, and it turns out they weren’t talking about “environmental” impact.
Alex says old people need to start loving brown people if they want their checks to keep coming, Adrian examines Florida law designed to do nothing but give both sides primary election red meat, Russian “intelligence” stages false flag with hilarious blunders, Congresswoman uses cleavage to hypnotize colleagues, and everyone missed the point of FBI spying on Americans.
Alex wants to be an expat…but he’s really a cult leader, Adrian’s pet goatboy goes free, Easter Bunny saves America from unscripted Biden, may the blessing of St. Javelin be upon you, TN lawmakers go full Libertarian without knowing it, UK news hit piece on Slab City anarchy seems more like a travel brochure, sabotage and insurrection growing in Russia, and we’re now only about a week away from a nuclear war.
Alex has road rage over friendly motorists, Adrian is totally into reptilian orgies, Ukrainian missiles make Russian sailors wet, Putin fantasizes about releasing his big payload, Twitter tells Musk “no means no,” COVID has gotten so bad that you don’t even notice, Disney helps cops abuse the public, and America is a nation run by elderly dementia patients.
Alex may be losing 33% of his friends, Adrian thinks it’s actually 50%, Musk guarantees he won’t get Trumped on Twitter, Cali has most gun laws AND most gun violence – but fails to see the connection, FBI’s kidnapping plot fails to get any convictions, how Zelensky is becoming 21st Century Churchill and mainstream media says COVID conspiracy theorist were right all along.
Alex has $25 lobster mac ‘n cheese on Indian reservation, Adrian plays ‘No True Scotsman’ card, we hope that Trump and Hunter Biden share the same prison cell with Epstein’s guards watching them, Google founder helps to build Terminator army, Joe Biden’s dementia may actually save the world, and are Congressional coke-fuelled orgies ADA compliant?
Alex will grant you one favor on this the day of his “daughter’s” dance, Adrian discovers the fundamental flaw of humanity…then realizes his theory is fundamentally flawed, Magnolia Thunderpussy and Dodge Cruz grill Lawyers in Love, future Best Actress recipients likely men, we dig into Putin’s brain, and hopefully the giant solar flare is coming soon.
Alex once again wants to commit genocide over fast-food drive-through rudeness, Starbucks saves the planet by becoming 7-11, just admit it – you wouldn’t do a damn thing if America got invaded, Cuomo was secretly stacking bodies while basking in praise for his COVID response, the odds of a global apocalypse sadly decrease, and what’s with all these Russian-speaking Mexicans?
Alex goes full Gay Frog while Adrian tries to restore his faith in government, one man’s bioweapon lab is another man’s Wuhan, NeoCons should put their body where their mouth is, somebody should take away Biden’s hashtag privilege, IRS spends Billions on 1960’s computer system to audit the poor, and Vax pushing Florida pediatricians ask, “Yeah, but did they die?”
Alex leers lasciviously at leotards, Adrian’s personal broken window fallacy, Magnolia Thunderpussy just meant Russians should show Putin a good time, don’t shoot the reactors, news is now a felony in Russia – but still only a misdemeanor in US, Melinda throws Bill under the Epstein, and we discuss the upside of a global thermonuclear war.
The left learns citizens with assault rifles are a good thing, Adrian learns a better recipe for Molotov cocktails, Alex learns how to say “go f*** yourself” in Russian, the right fails to learn anything at all, police fail to learn Minority Report was a cautionary tale, and will we all learn a nuclear holocaust is best hope for humanity’s survival?
Alex recovers from Jazzercise, FDA executive admits it’s all about the Benjamins, the battle for Kyiv/Kiev may have just begun as Russia spins up her nukes, Hillary’s email server found in a file box at Mar-a-Lago and Trump’s ripped up documents found in her basement – or something like that, Epstein’s pimp didn’t kill himself either, and “Would you like to SuperSize your heroin?”
Alex keeps cool in travel hell, Weeble rapists in the Metaverse, robot dogs on the border, Fed plans to break the economy worse, Putin gonna start shootin, science shows we were right about COVID, ATF says they did actually make gun registry, CIA says they were spying on us all along, and DHS calls us terrorists for pointing all that out.
Enjoy some of the great segments of the Unattended Baggage Show with Alexander Snitker and Adrian Wyllie
Jeff Goldblum takes all Alex’s money, only sisters qualify for SCOTUS – stupid SOBs need not apply, Ender’s Game robot war with Russia and/or China more likely every day, government kills refuge animals because they might die otherwise, semen is not 5G compatible, Disney to release “Snow Latina and the seven little people,” and space octopuses are really a thing.
Olympians told to bring burners ‘cause Xi will be listening, three good reasons to distrust government and do heavy drugs, your face is the new 1040 form, apparently the Fed doesn’t know they already have a digital currency, a person did something to some people that may or may not have been terrorism, and Tom Cruise gets one step closer to Xenu.
Adrian mistaken for a bear, Alex is rollin’ tiny, Florida-style freedom branded authoritarian, record-breaking transgender swimmer finally beaten by another transgender swimmer, the Metaverse is gonna milk you, Army training to kick your anti-authority ass, Russia and US accuse each other of false flags…and they’re both probably being honest for once.
Adrian is convinced he’s either a prophet or a psychotic, Alex still living in his garage trying to understand fire, world-renowned virologist banned from social media for questioning vaccines he invented, SCOTUS poised to neuter POTUS, you’re a suspect because the algorithm says so, and “farm in a box” may be the way to feed the world.
Adrian confronts his New Year superstitions, Alex gets aroused by 3D house erection, NYC correctly offers race-based COVID treatment for all the wrong reasons, your digital assistant is trying to kill you, D-bags torch Southernmost Point buoy, China parades COVID rule-breakers through streets…and that’s the least totalitarian thing they’ve done this week.
Adrian learns more of his origin story that he didn’t necessarily want to know, Alex’s Alexa gets an earful with the girls and a new massage table, Biden gives a Christmas wish of “Let’s Go Brandon,” we get all geeky with Science Sunday, GenX says 2020-2021 wasn’t so bad, and Conservatives say Trump is senile, but they still support him in 2024.
Alex encounters racist Jewish librarians, Adrian gets lost due to crippling paranoia, quoting the government will get you banned from social media, dogs and monkeys go to war, pedo prince says raping children is “constitutional,” AI argues for banning AI, NYC burns more natural gas to limit natural gas use, and why Trump vs. Hillary in 2024 would be awesome.
Alex and Adrian get carried away with music appreciation, scientists are “meh” over SuperAIDS COVID while media & governments freak out, Joel stashed the money in the John, Authoritarians gather to warn about Authoritarians spreading Authoritarianism, and the future looks bright as we stumble headlong into WWIII.
Adrian teaches kids how to drink beer properly, nearly a third of US military about to be fired, Jimmy Hoffa possibly found, trash-talking parrots offend zoo visitors, industry sour on Biden’s crude, Acme rocket launch misses Roadrunner, and aliens may actually just be humans with a bewildering array of forehead appliques.
Adrian loses major battle in Great Squirrel War, racist Rittenhouse found not guilty of killing white people, NIH pays scientist $13M to dispute Wuhan lab leak theory, Biden finally passes 7th grade economics, Russians play Star Wars, most Americans say, “Meh, I’m cool with a civil war,” and FDA promises to release adverse vax data in 55 years.
Adrian has existential crisis over missing hands, Alex intervenes with hoarder, Pfizer CEO calls vax skeptics “criminals” day before report reveals he falsified vax side effect data, it’s up to us old men to repopulate the planet, new spaceship is WAY too sci-fi, Satanic ritual turns into concert, and I’ll have the Communism with a side of gold-plated steak.
Squirrels 1, Hawks 0, Facebook Metaverse wags the simulated dog, some elections happened or something, Mainers make food a Right -- but not how you think, the rise of UK troll jail, lost Amazonian tribe gets vaxxed, Elon calls UN’s bluff, Trumpster Karen loses her White Privilege, and global elite fly 400 private jets to stop global warming.
Alex is Kung Fu fighting...kinda, Adrian partially comes out as gender fluid, CIA operative claims he trained Lee Harvey Oswald as a sniper, government kills man over unmowed lawn, NYC braces for crime, fires, and uncollected trash in vax mandate standoff, and maybe NASA shouldn’t have spent all that money on fapping porpoises.
NIH admits they did gain of function at Wuhan but say we shouldn’t focus on that right now, first responders risk jobs to say no to vax, ChiComs have your DNA, Florida wants your shipping containers, paranoia and psychosis are the “new normal,” vaccinated 84-year-old with Parkinson’s and bone cancer dies of COVID, Trump social platform touts free speech...as long as you don’t annoy him.
Adrian has close call with poop in a box, robot dogs with machine guns are now a thing, this week’s solar flare disappoints by failing to cause apocalypse, airline pilots losing jobs for not getting vax -- weather blamed for flight delays, Epstein planned to spill beans on Clinton and Trump before not killing himself, and shoplifters are frustrated by empty store shelves.
Adrian sprains elbow patting himself on the back for accurate predictions, US sends troops to Taiwan and China vows to “eliminate” them, Facebook “whistleblower” cozy with government, God’s fire and brimstone apparently wasn’t a myth, and Biden makes a “television” call to hospital so friend can cut line after vax mandates cause staff shortages.
Adrian accuses Indians of cultural appropriation, Alex gets an offer he can’t refuse, almost half of Americans want to split up US and install dictators, YouTube CEO says they delete content because they believe in free speech, US special ops troops attacked by ninja, the Land Down Under the jail, and Treasury may forge one coin to pay them all.
Leaked document suggests Chinese, CDC, NIH and Gates Foundation collaborated to create COVID at Wuhan lab, Capt. Kirk will go to space for real, life imitates South Park again, one giant CO2 scrubber online...only 9,999,999 to go, Rep. Maxine Waters (D-CA) says slavery wasn’t so bad, Bill Gates implies he killed Jeffrey Epstein, and Alex and Adrian give their Top 10 movies of all time.
Climate Change is apparently good for reducing immigrants, FBI says “My Bad” for not telling America that Saudi Government was behind 9/11, Fauci grudgingly accepts the science, HUD sells flood homes to unwitting Americans to keep FEMA well funded, Gen. Milley gave Trump a time-out and took away his nukes, Socialist Congresswoman blames racism for running her office like an evil capitalist.
Alex plans to throw things at transvestites, Adrian gets excited about a new potential disaster, UF adds 100 AI professors, Biden says we shouldn’t mandate vaccines...then mandates vaccines, it’s not because you’re fat sweetheart, Florida pothole yields bananas, and will mind-reading car know you weren’t seriously thinking about running over that old lady?
Alex checks his privilege and confronts prejudice, Adrian finding and filling holes everywhere, rent-free tenants causing homeless landlords, debate brews whether birth control is a basic robot right, Biden in hurry to wrap up troop funerals, gUNs, vegans can believe it’s not butter, and Ida blamed CO2 if Ida known better.
Alex worships Trump Buddha and becomes a Bored Human, Adrian says the future of music is techno - like really hard core techno, Duke Energy wants you to be charitable to their profit margin, scientists shocked that our immune systems work, the Empire gives the Rebel Alliance a list of targets, and Octave Kid Fungi is apparently a thing now.
Nature rebels against Adrian, Alex sends a telegram, America falls to 12-2-1 but still expected to make the Imperial Cup playoffs, Taliban uses leftover US facial recognition tech to more efficiently kill women and girls, robots do backflips over dreams of dominating humans, Republican accused of child sex trafficking accuses Democrat of incest...and people wonder why we’re anarchists.
Alex gets mad at the shrink treating his anger management, Adrian gets banned forever from YouTube because...something, Ph.Ds and high school dropouts agree on vaccines, Obama parties like it’s 2019, Hunter Biden makes a new porno in which he tells a hooker that his Russian drug dealer stole his last porno, and the US media pretends they didn’t see it.
Alex has an eclectic meth birthday, Adrian and his wife try swinging at a bar, US military creates AI Nostradamus, Nipple Ring Cuomo finally gets #MeTooed, human interplanetary exploration still waiting on a permit, walkthrough on defeating the level 29 Masc Lesbian boss, and China making faces after stealing your personal data.
Alex says deez nuts are getting old, Adrian begs for more spam, CDC joins in “The Fauci Two-Step,” programmer creates AI to replicate dead fiancé, NOT driving now causes global warming, government targets racist plants, and your reaction to Simone’s decision is more about you than her.
Alex goes to some Chinese restaurant in Colorado, Adrian trains Catholic priests how to justify visiting gay hookup sites, new Ghislaine documentary causes NYC socialites’ sphincters to pucker, new climate study reveals scientists’ gender bias, China threatens to nuke japan, and be sure to try the new and improved Lambda variant...from the makers of COVID.
Alex’s sexual harassment of Adrian continues, DeSantis promises not to Fauch things up, a third of Americans want to secede (both parties), man makes megamind monkey, inflation hangs around like a couch-surfing relative, Biden siezes up when questioned by convenience store clerk, and Clockwork Orange makes its DFC debut.
The Cassandra Trigger (available on Amazon) moves up two spots on the Dystopian Future Chart, with 1984, Terminator, Splice and The Day After trailing closely behind, US leaves Afghanistan like a tenant with back rent, NC police unveil self-shooting guns, FBI solves Great Lego Caper, and sorry Jill, but WASP still sucks.
Alex gets all hot and bothered about theater groupies, Adrian can’t figure out why people can’t figure stuff out, L.A. cops blow up a neighborhood then blame fireworks vendor, British politicians loved public surveillance until it started catching them with their mistresses, and the Philippines turn to phone sex workers to release tension with China.
Alex gives Rep. Massie an Anarchist Guild coin, Adrian plans to drive to DC and take it back, Alex successfully douches at RLC convention, cities across America deploy Daleks, it’s nuke ‘em or nothing, millions of American morons think Trump will be “reinstated,” and was McAfee’s suicide was one final troll job?
Alex falls back in love with the Libertarian Party, Adrian yells at his mom and gets sent to his room, QAnon is just a fancy word for troll job or FBI sting operation, I’m not saying it was a bat from a Wuhan lab...but it was totally a bat from a Wuhan lab, and Juneteenth is long overdue and another good reason to close government.
In our 100th episode we unload some baggage when Alex realizes all that hate is burning him up -- not keeping him warm, Adrian’s fortress of solitude is under siege by his mother-in-law, how the FDA approved a drug that kills people because it’s worth $100B, Trump’s Bitcoin comments are 4-D chess for ages 3&up, and we’re wondering whether we just jumped the shark.
Alex exposes his two-car boudoir, Adrian spends all morning rubbing his butt, Fauci’s own emails prove Rand was right about Wuhan, drone AI autonomously hunts humans, FBI tries to track people who read news story, DOJ hacks reporters emails to find leak, and can my sex robot look like RBG?
Alex takes boarders back to Ohio, Adrian tells court “don’t tell me where to sit,” Chinese cryptomining takeover could mean the end of Bitcoin, San Fran denizens demand right to shoplift, Biden spouts Q Anon theory about Wuhan lab, heat cops are coming, and NYC 5-year-olds taught to masturbate.
Alex tells the story of how he almost got arrested for NOT abducting a strange child from school (hour 2), “Terminator” moves up one spot on the DFC, Chicago Mayor bans white reporters, scientist say dropping acid is kinda good, inflation gets “sticky,” and Biden whips out his socialism.
Alex and Adrian unveil the “Dystopian Future Game,” Americans unmask en masse while government seeks new ways to scare us, y’all better get busy gettin’ busy...unless you want Mexicans, because that’s how you get Mexicans, war drums beating at several hotspots, China plants flag on Mars, and will forged vaccine cards work in Ohio lottery?
Adrian rages against the gas machine, Alex brake-checks phone-facers, Dude, there’s ‘shooms on Mars...literally Marshrooms, vax patents about to get raided, Xi takes Mao’s ‘helm’, nobody bathes anymore, elementary kids overwhelm hijacker, and Buckwheat ain’t O-Tay!
Adrian reveals his disturbing hackercraft, Alex literally falls asleep on air while talking about a chicken suit shortage, new FDA rule will kill more black people, SNL cast bristles at Musk, apps covertly tracking US troop movements, Rogan and Fauci square off, diplomats still getting microwaved, and does anyone care if Ghilaine is mistreated in prison?
Alex makes drain rodents, Adrian tries to befriend Pasco street Aborigine, Skynet gives a mean hummer, hypocrite Bush cries hypocrisy and Left suddenly loves him, Amazon wants you to get your hand amputated, Florida couple are the ultimate wedding crashers, and will Chauvin be sheltered or shanked?
Big-hearted Alex opens a garage refugee camp, Adrian realizes all human interaction is just fighting over the covers, cops are still shooting black people and black people are still angry about it, Florida Man gets away with Dukes of Hazzard jump, we speculate on which dystopian sci-fi movie will ultimately come true...probably the one about sex robots and monkey people.
The Snitker house gets the ‘Rona, computers fear Adrian, Russia poised to prevent humanitarian crisis in Ukraine by killing Ukrainians, China plans to liberate Taiwan by killing Taiwanese people, Amazon should tell government, “Whatcha gonna do, eh?”, cops shoot their own dog for money, and elect Rock/Stunning Woman 2024.
The coins are in, Alex reviews The Cassandra Trigger then goes on a racist rant, Adrian shamelessly self-promotes then gets demoted, Rep. Matt Gaetz goes from R. Fla to R. Kelly, our semen ain’t what it used to be, YouTube thinks snuff films aren’t as bad as Info Wars, and DeSantis outlaws Biden’s vaccine passport push while underground capitalism creates other solutions.
Alex becomes a wedding planner, Adrian is a NIMBY statist who analyzes panther hairballs, “racially motivated” depends on who’s on which side of the gun, mileage tax coming soon, how not to invade Burma, 6-year-old on trial for picking flower, and for the love of God...put some damn guns on your boat!
Alex wants to marry you, Adrian can’t stop thinking about Lucille Bogan’s thumbs, Jews ought to know better, Florida seems like a free state, forget governments...reset my debt, no license for lovin’, Biden wishes Trump built a wall, and are you trying to get SkyNet? Because that’s how you get SkyNet.
Adrian severely beats a black man and an Indian, Alex wax off for kids, Capitalist demand for children skyrockets after Biden’s $300 per month child credit, Cuomo makes no-nos, Arkansas abortion bill is a recipe for glorious chaos, and it’s 6pm...do you know where your rapist is?
Alex’s late dad sends him on a snipe hunt, Adrian puts a price tag on his principles, one-third of Americans wants to friend zone the Union, Dem darlings getting mask-shamed and #metooed, Dr. Seuss is racist, teachers are hypocrites, Pope says a flood is coming so it’s good he’s a douche canoe, and those Chinese hackers must be squinting from eye fatigue.
Alex learns he’s a rich, famous, successful politician, lily-white Adrian inexcusably culturally appropriates, Israel goes full “yellow star” in COVID fight, DeStantis lowers flags over Whitney Houston or somebody, officials decide “Franklin Park” is offensive so they rename it “Franklin Park,” China wants your DNA, and Adrian carries the show while Alex searches for “MILFs next door” on OnlyFans.
Alex confronts a violent gang holding school and neighborhood hostage, Adrian praises himself for his humility, Florida is America’s warm & safe dangling member, Maxwell says Epstein did have the dirt on Billary and the Donald, and if you see something suspicious online -- like this show -- say something.
Tom Brady proves his Floridaness by showing poor judgment while drunk on boat, meanwhile Biden proposes Sunshine State travel ban after fearless Tampa parties naked-faced, Congress realizes U.S. military doesn’t actually like them very much, the gun grabbers are back and bigger than ever, and how many volcanoes can you fit in a balloon?
Adrian was wrong about the GOAT, and he gets caged in “big game” experience (we can’t use the actual name or the football people will sue), Alex still won’t shut up about 45-year-old Eagles song, Biden wages space war against Elon, Democrat Tulsi Gabbard defends the right’s rights, Russia unveils combat gear to make Master Chief proud, and this is your brain on a microchip.
Locked-down nostalgic millennials with disposable gubmint cheez ruin Wall Street fat cats’ week, NYC busts speakeasies like it’s 1921, “white supremacy” group members shocked their Latino leader is an FBI informant, Dems say “psyche!” on $2K stimulus, and maskless mayor pepper sprays maskless man for being maskless after maskless man confronted mayor about being maskless.
John Brennan says Biden will use lasers on unholy Libertarians, intelligent robots can “walk a mile in your shoes” before eradicating you, DeSantis says no to Florida FEMA camps, scientists aroused by dinosaur butthole, Microsoft creates new psychic medium division, and that better be coyote on your barbeque grill.
Adrian sells out to get the “V”, Alex does happy family picture time, everyone gets banned from social media and less people care, even Snake Pliskin couldn’t escape DC inauguration lockdown, the border wall grew by 15 miles under Trump, one man’s protest is another’s insurrection -- and vice versa, and hackers say All Your D*cks Are Belong To Us.
Trump season finale is must-see TV as he tells supporters “I’ll be there with you” then leaves, history proves “insurgents” storm and occupy Capitol building about every 18 months and shoot it up or bomb it every 20 years or so, Biden plans to break Trump’s deficit spending record, social media censorship and app blacklisting reaches critical mass, CA governor may get evicted, and golfer offensively questions ball’s sexuality
Grateful Americans decorate McConnell & Pelosi’s homes and leave gifts of ham, healthcare workers say “no” to the needle, Mexico concerned about flood of US refugees, why your smart devices could SWAT you, why 2021 probably won’t be any better, and will Pam offer Trump a grab for Assange pardon?
Alex looks for a place to put his cigar and Adrian perfects his “old fashioned” technique, US and Chinese government fight over who gets to spy on you, special committee appointed by Congress to find ways to streamline Congress recommends creation of special committee to find ways to streamline Congress, Bitcoin soars, Musk ramping up Mars colonization, and will the Nashville bomber’s actual motive match the media/authorities narrative?
Rev. Adrian welcomes Rev. Alex to the church, Russians totally infiltrate US government networks, heroes with needles are coming and media debates which way to lie about it, Alex digs angry Tom Cruise, Adrian geeks out on quantum teleportation, and more government bigwigs aren’t not saying it’s not necessarily not aliens.
Alex’s spam enrages “important” person, Adrian wants to kill (and possibly eat) construction workers, Media says overwhelmed FedEx asks Galactic Federation for help shipping vaccines, Desantis blows whistle on reporter editorializing whistleblower raid, more Americans rebelling against lockdowns & distrusting vaccine, and border wall contractors leave paths for armed illegals to guard border wall construction sites...no, really.
Alex eats bananas while his wives deal with quarantine, Adrian plays roulette with COVID data and starts peeing indoors again, fact checkers ignore facts when playing the blame game, House votes to get high, Democrats delighted as Trump lawyers suppress Republican vote, police drones flying solo, and facial recognition gets under your mask.
Big Media profits by printing literal Chinese propaganda, Karens force Johns Hopkins to delete study showing COVID isn’t that deadly, Trump makes poo poo at kiddie desk, US/Israel play Mission Impossible in Iran, and prepare to surrender your DNA and medical history to travel.
Adrian gets exposed to the ‘Rona twice, Alex keeps his distance and phones it in, media wonders whether Trump will pull the troops out or start a new war in Iran while Left-wing Neocons hope for the latter, California Governor dines out unmasked with friends while making the peasants stay home, your Roomba is gathering data so AI can hack your brain, and bi-partisan fist bump reveals Americans don’t really want political unity.
Sleepy Alex stumbles through the show, hypocrite Adrian goes full statist, Trump admits defeat...kinda, Biden mulls more lockdowns and gov’t cheese, new tax floated for home workers, Hong Kong falls to ChiComs while America’s distracted, black market emerges for negative COVID tests, and our ultimate question is, “Yeah, but did you die?”
Drugs win 2020 election, old white guy defeats old white guy, scary old undercover haircut lady may lose job, dumb hot chick in congress may quit, Dems realize they shouldn’t use the “S” word, Alex worried new group wants to blacklist outing administration staff, but Adrian thinks it sets a good precedent, and will this be the lame-duck session to end...well, everything?
Alex and Adrian still dealing with broken homes, global titans of industry plan The Great Reset, police can sue you after breaking into your home and shooting you, social media censorship intensifies, Scotland bans private “hate speech” inside homes, and -- oh yeah -- there some kind of election happening.
Alex preaches to his poker buddies, Adrian yells at construction workers, Guiliani gets Borat instead of a Kazakh hottie hummer, muted mics makes for cordial debate, Rays make amazing comeback, San Fran deters Karen from calling cops on brown people, and the confusing Florida Amendments are mostly pointless.
Adrian enraged about government fencing off public land, Alex still hates John McAfee, Lil’ Judge Amy knows part of First Amendment, censoring the censors, Hunter learns why you always pay your IT guy on time, climate change kills cavemen, and beware the killer crawling toupes.
Trump gets the ‘Rona and Dems try really hard to conceal their euphoria, presidential debate raises concerns whether slinging fecal matter transmits COVID, Adrian congratulates Tara Katuk Mac Lean Sweeny for becoming first female President of the United States, Alex’s childlike quest for free energy continues, and Pelosi and the Ministry of Information sic FBI on conspiracy theorists.
Desantis lifts restrictions and rules he never had the authority to issue in the first place. What do serial killers and female Supreme Court Justices have in common? Will Trump use “Internet Kill Switch” to prevent the election, or will he just order the military to attack Dems? If Macy’s has a parade, and no one is there to see it, is it still Thanksgiving?
Liberals pissed at Ruth Bader Ginsburg for dying before election while Trump somehow manages to give a proper presidential response as both sides draw battle lines for the ultimately meaningless appointment, it turns out NPR is just a smarter version of Fox News, it might be prudent to have a 100-year waiting period before calling something “settled science,” and Taiwan and Syria heat up and threaten to suck US into conflict.
The NFL can’t solve the world’s problems, so can we please just watch football? Did Trump not read Bob Woodward’s bio, because taking down presidents is kinda his thing. Will they play the Black National Anthem in the Whites Only cafes which POC are demanding? Over half of Americans think Trump and Biden are mentally unfit for President, but will vote for one anyway.
Adrian releases the glitch, Alex fights both sides in the arena of hypocrisy, Trump calling dead troops “losers” may be the most reliable story ever from The Atlantic, Nancy Pelosi learns why you do not f**k with the people you depend on, DeSantis proves Marxist theory of property rights, you can’t cheat thermodynamics, and Pasco goes full Minority Report.
Alex and Adrian have a heated disagreement about the Kenosha shootings, and compare America today to watching a head-on car crash, Rand already said her name, Jerry Falwell Jr. is literally a cuck, Floridians say no to social tracing, and America’s top general says US military won’t intervene in election dispute...which apparently needs to be said in 2020.
Snowflake Trump gets triggered, and the Conservative movement jumps on the Cancel Culture Express, Netflix accused of promoting pedophilia while actual pedophile headlines DNC, 2020 offers BOGO special on hurricanes for Gulf coast, Beetlejuice sends protesters to somebody else’s house, and the ghost of Susan B. Anthony says “pardon Snowden instead.”
Alex is depressed like everyone else, senile old man picks promiscuous semi-black chick as caregiver/President and BLM apparently doesn’t care that she’s also a cop, Google tattoo you, Sheriff forces people not to wear masks -- which is the same as forcing people to wear them, California government kills Uber and Lyft, and does the media tell you what to think or reveal what you really think?
SpaceX successfully lands grain silo, Beirut tragically learns why you shouldn’t leave tons of ammonium nitrate laying around, Biden sounds like Clint Eastwood in Grand Torino -- if Clint Eastwood had dementia, Trump uses Communist techniques to ban TikTok and demand bribes from Microsoft, and the City of Dallas invokes clauses in contracts they’re not a party to.
Demon semen lady seems as plausible as Fauci, who says masks are just for show and don’t really do much, new normal means funerals are for the rich and powerful only, Alex suggests 17-year-old Twitter hacker could be Adrian’s illegitimate son, Maxwell case document dump fingers Clinton, Andrew & Dershowitz, and the hurricane is offended you mispronounced his (her? their?) name.
Pentagon says UFO’s are not of this Earth and we’re all like ‘Meh’, Trump offer well wishes to his dear friend Ghislaine Maxwell and talks about how he got extra credit on his dementia test, The Washington People will face the Kansas City Mascots in NFL opener before a sold-out crowd of cardboard cutouts, and Adrian will probably spend his government cheese betting on it.
National Museum of African American History & Culture says rational thought and time are aspects of “Whiteness,” Portland officials ask Trump to stop kidnapping US citizens, hackers blow awesome opportunity for mayhem with Twitter takeover, DeepFakes not just for porn anymore, June US budget deficit higher than most annual deficits, and we pray for a solar storm.
Adrian immigrates to the Sooner State now that the Injuns are taking over, Trump hands Roger Stone a get out of jail free card, people with COVID die up to 60-days earlier than people without it, the media is so bad that gay frogs seem plausible, and Alex keeps it real as he opens up about his depression in the second hour.
Alex and Adrian wonder whether they’re angry at stupid people, afraid of angry people, or just insane, Ghislaine Maxwell didn’t kill herself yet, we predict senility will win the 2020 election, headlines are almost always bullshit, and are the Avengers movies really classics?
Alex almost manages to stay awake through the entire show, Adrian contemplates whether he is a god, Chinese and Indian troops fighting like Thai monkeys, mask ordinance and bar shutdowns means it’s time to find a bare-face-speak-easy, and Spanish scientist report we’ve been crapping COVID-19 for 15 months.
Adrian and Alex have slightly different loud and angry rants on Cop Privilege, Alex learns swing trading isn’t the same as wife swapping, John Bolton finds yellowcake in Trump’s boxers, media COVID-19 coverage full of half-truths, and we’ve pissed off so many people with this show that we don’t even know how to write the trigger warning.
The Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone (CHAZ) is a new world, full of ironic contradictions and undeniable truths, exposing everything that’s right -- and wrong -- with the modern world, Alex is caught cheating on his bar, Karen chastises Adrian for unsafe dentistry, the guys disagree whether more chaos is a good or bad thing, and are we erasing history or just erasing its glory?
Alex delivers farm-fresh non-USDA eggs to Adrian, Adrian delivers pallets of bricks to protesters courtesy of Anarchists Guild Local 151, violent clashes between police and protesters claim the life of Coronavirus, stock market rallies after 1.8 million new unemployment claims, and Trump finds a book.
Like forest fires bring new growth, Adrian describes why riots are a natural process of rebalancing power between the people and the state, China flexes her muscles in Hong Kong and the South China Sea while Trump attacks Twitter, new revised numbers from CDC put COVID-19 mortality rate at 0.3% exonerating all those conspiracy theorists who said it would be about the same as the flu.
Alex takes his anger out on minimum wage employees, Adrian wants Joe Biden to help him buy a Mexican, people decide lockdown is over and government is like “Um yeah...like...we were gonna do that anyway,” turn off GPS and Bluetooth if you don’t want other people’s apps to track you, and we wonder which pervy, rich, senile white man will usher in the new American socialist dystopia.
Adrian gets poisoned, the girls get a warehouse, the world is opening back up whether government wants it or not, Wisconsin Supreme Court rules shutdown unconstitutional, our friend Dave Leavitt sues Seminole County over shutdown, coward cop who let kids die gets job back and sneeze guards somehow protect poker chips but not buffets.
Alex says you can learn a lot about a man by his T-shirt collection, Adrian finds a crowded bar, why hairdressers are now like drug dealers, this ain’t my “new normal” pal, COVID-19 has a high business mortality rate, and we ramble on with a nonsensically profound steady stream of consciousness.
Alex exhausted from food delivery, Adrian’s house becomes non-stop pool party, Americans finally grow some balls and start defying government, Pentagon ain’t saying it’s aliens...but it’s aliens, NYC mayor calls for round-up of Jews, and we finally get a Libertarian in Congress but Adrian no longer cares.
Adrian calls you all cowards and idiots and says he wants old people to die, Alex thinks he can outrun the cops in his smart car, Zen and the art of pressure washing, Trump may not be stupid, he just doesn’t know enough words, UN says prepare for “biblical” famine, comedy ain’t what it used to be, and the boys dip their toes in the oil futures market.
Quit asking the government to open your business and just open your damn business, UN warns hundreds of thousands of children will die from government-made global economic crisis, government wants to loan you another $4 trillion of your own money, and we’re so tired of this virus we play “Name that Tune” for all of hour #2.
Mass media misinformation on mass graves gives masses major misgivings, jingle keys to break lease, roughly 2 in 5 women don’t want Alex at their door, mask mistake proves government is either lying or stupid, moms & pops living in shops, and there’s never been a better time to defy authority.
Dr. Doom Adrian predicts civil unrest in two weeks, Sunshine & Rainbows Alex says don’t worry be happy...unless you’re standing in line for Mexican take out, the last two lines of the National Anthem have been deleted, and we spend the entire second hour desperately trying to talk about anything but Rona.
Doom and gloom Adrian gives his algorithm for the end of the world, sunshine Alex says I’m OK you’re OK and please buy some insurance, we spend the entire show breaking down this week’s events in COVID world because -- well, what else is there to talk about these days?
We discuss the sudden passing of our good friend, radio icon and voice of the show, Scott Legere and of course, the rest is wall-to-wall COVID-19, and the consequences we’re all going to face from this pivotal time in history. Sorry, not much levity this week.
Alex and Adrian win at poker, Gillum not content with regular hookers and blow, Coronavirus everywhere and we’re a herd of dumb panicky animals, media and corporations creating a recession, while Fed creating inflation, it totally may or may not be Trump’s fault, and why we should all embrace price gouging.
Face it...Tulsi is hot, media incapable of doing basic math, Alex has a musical “OK Boomer” moment, mobile apps feeding data to cops and I am Jack’s complete lack of surprise, sexist Democrat woman refuse to vote for women Democrats, and that basket on the table ain’t the only white bread at Olive Garden.
It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel...well, a bit under the weather, Chinese ships with frickin’ laser beams, new poll shows anarchy winning, overdosing on LSD turns out to be a good thing, scientists make bugs that crap electricity somehow, and Turkey tells Russia they’ll send refugees to Europe if Syria keeps bombing them.