Undercooked Analysis: Recent Episodes
David King & Creative Horror
Undercooked Analysis began with a simple idea: no script, no plan, and no filters as Creepypasta is put to literary scrutiny. Every Tuesday, join some mixture of David, Allen, Kaela and/or an ever-changing roster of guests as they attempt to make their way through whatever the internet throws at them. No story is safe from their raw feedback and inane banter.
Last performed live at Midsummer Scream 2019, the gang gets together to hear Allen and Matt reprise their roles as Ryan and the Animatronic Fox respectively in this wet carnival of torment from Clickhole, nearly 10 years previous.
5 Times The Animatronic Fox On Splash Mountain Addressed Me By Name And Told Me He Was Going To Marry My Dad
Abysmii, Allen and David drag out the Dregs and assess the condition of the Mojave Wasteland and New Vegas around 15 years after the Second Battle of Hoover Dam, weighing the TV show’s depiction of the world versus expectation for the future of Fallout and where it will go from here.
The swan song of UCA is a mashup of memes in more ways than one. As David, Allen and Abysmii bid their farewells and look ahead to future silliness in another podcast project, they give their last bit of love to the Creepypasta genre by reading two classic that have been run through 26 different languages to see the weird results.
One behalf of the entire Creative Horror team, thank you for listening to this silly and stupid show for the last 12 years.
“The Rake” is attributed to Bryan Somerville. Read the original here.
”The Russian Sleep Experiment” can be found here.
David, Allen and Abysmii take one more trip to the SCP Foundation before the year is up, revealing two entries of interest as they see what’s popping out of SCP-294.
"SCP-2257 - House God" by InsipidParoxysm, from the SCP Wiki. Source: https://scpwiki.com/scp-2257. Licensed under CC BY-SA.
"SCP-2343 - How I Got To Memphis" by Doctor Cimmerian, from the SCP Wiki. Source: https://scpwiki.com/scp-2343. Licensed under CC BY-SA.
Undercooked Analysis is winding down as a regular podcast, but David springs a cruel trap on Allen and Abysmii with one more Julia Grane story that fails spectacularly to prove the argument posed by the title. Also, Future David comes out of retirement.
Listen to the voice in the static with The Unlicensed Signal.
David and returning guest Ben Paddon have a Halloween tale to tell, as an old man recollects his dark experience one October 31st in the swamps of the Deep South. But first, they have to shamelessly plug the 2nd season of Ben’s Jump Leads audio drama.
Story by Dartmouth and Friends.
It’s the final episode of Poe Standards! Allen and David return for one more go at the worst of Poe (according to some rando) with a story set in Venice. Is this a tragic romance, a case of obsession, or something more? And how does it compare to the other stories covered thus far?
Story by Edgar Allen Poe, first published in 1834. Read along here.
All weird tales must come to an end, even the world’s weirdest criminal’s. We wrap up these serial adventures with the inexplicable return of Bostiff, the reveal of Doctor Satan’s peculiar plot, and a rare moment of humility from Ascott Keane. But we’re not quite done with Doctor Satan yet…
Story by Paul Ernst, first published in Weird Tales, September 1936.
It’s the end of the road for Doctor Satan’s stint in Weird Tales, but was the best saved for last? Abysmii, Allen and David aim to find out as the villain’s plot manifests in a millionaire’s retreat, where Ascott Keane finally gets called out and a sinister new character enters the picture: Madame Sin.
Story by Paul Ernst, first published in Weird Tales, September 1936.
A finale so weird, it had to be done twice! Well, sort of. Abysmii, Allen and David manage to patch together two different recording sessions to put a bow on this finale, where Doctor Satan gets egg on his face, Ascott realizes he doesn’t own a gun, and Bostiff gets an unceremonious sendoff.
Story by Paul Ernst, first published in Weird Tales, May 1936.
Normally reserved for our Patreon audience, we’d like to offer a full-course of Choice Dregs for you to try. These rambling warmups are normally what get us into the show, and due to a technical snafu we’ve got this delicacy as a backup. Topics include Platonic body horror, allegedly-prudish generations, fictionalizing how work kills you, War Planets virus and Date Everything.
The penultimate Doctor Satan story dials things way back after the last entry, leaving David, Allen and Abysmii to wonder again about the logical continuity of the series. Ascott Keane is somehow wowed by Doctor Satan’s ability to hypnotize people, an ability he himself possesses and uses to track his foe; meanwhile, Frank Exposition goes to a kissing party with a 10-cent book.
Story by Paul Ernst, first published in Weird Tales, May 1936.
Celebrating the 10th anniversary of the debut Five Nights at Freddy’s musical, David and Kaela reminisce with AJ and Gwen and discuss how the initial puppet-based collaboration with Markiplier turned into one of Random Encounters’ biggest undertakings, growing to become an entire series with its own myriad stories, challenges and lore.
Part 4 of Poe Standards takes people-watching to complicated and needless extremes as Allen and David witness a protagonist who has nothing better to do than spend an entire night pursuing an odd-looking stranger throughout London, legitimately for no real reason.
Story by Edgar Allen Poe, first published in 1845. Read along here.
Part 3 of Poe Standards has an upset: some things in the tier list got moved around, and now there’s an additional story for Allen and David to read! Poe tries his hand at writing a more esoteric fable, and our hosts try to discern what in the world is going on in this narrative of demon headpats, a man on a rock and hippopotami.
Story by Edgar Allen Poe, first published in 1838. Read along here.
Part 2 sees a strangely philosophical side of Paul’s storytelling as Ascott Keane pursues his nemesis into the land of the dead, meets his deceased father, and battles Doctor Satan in a sphere of damned souls. But has the continuity been restored? Does Girse show up? And who exactly is the “dictator of Texas?” David, Allen and Abysmii aim to find out!
Story by Paul Ernst, first published in Weird Tales, March 1936.
David, Allen and Abysmii hesitantly return to the tales of Paul Ernst after being left chilled by the previous entry. Thankfully, it seems Doctor Satan is up to his old tricks of weird crime, with a plan involving speaking to the dead via a peculiar “antidote.” Will Ascott Keane have to follow suit? Why is he keeping a tiny corpse in his pocket? And is the new best character one that the hosts create almost by accident?
Story by Paul Ernst, first published in Weird Tales, March 1936.
The gang try their hands at another weird little TTRPG, this time about a wayward cab ride through the cosmos. Join driver Albert the Grey (Papreeka) and passengers Gretchicus Secundus (Abysmii), Lars (Kaela) and T3K3 (David) as they attempt to achieve their own conflicting goals while navigating through shifting interstellar hazards (and learning the rules), from gooey egg clouds to space cats.
Game by gothHoblin. Get it for yourself here.
Part 2 of Poe Standards - the newest UCA segment that might only last 4 episodes - sees Allen and David reading what begins as an essay but continues into a cautionary tale about intrusive thoughts, self-destructive tendencies, and murdering people with candles.
Story by Edgar Allen Poe, first published in 1845. Read along here.
Horror as a whole owes a lot to Poe, but as proven time and again, even masters of the craft have their apparent duds. Allen submits to David the first of four F-Tier Poe narratives (based on some rando’s opinion), which apparently contains an allegory as two drunken sailors have a completely bewildering encounter in a plague-quarantined part of London.
Story by Edgar Allen Poe, first published in 1835. Read along here.
David, Allen and Abysmii invite special guest Brad to an initiation: a fresh pair of eyes on the some of shortstory1’s most recent work. Will a new perspective bring new insights into these unusual stories?
Read along with us:
1. “I clean up crime scenes while naked”
2. “The special toilet paper”
3. “My intelligence and emotional intelligence will now be off balanced”
4. “All men must wear a burqa”
5. “To move to the next day we must all do something disgusting”
Just when David, Allen and Abysmii were getting comfortable with this series, Paul throws a curve ball of seeming incompetence when the story forgets a certain character died in a prior chapter; meanwhile Ascott and Beatrice play dress-up to survive, and the main showdown turns into a anti-climactic Pokemon battle.
Story by Paul Ernst, first published in Weird Tales, January 1936.
With a new year of mounting dread upon most everyone’s heads, David, Allen and Abysmii decide to ease into it with the ever-comforting Luciferian antics of Doctor Satan. This time, he’s getting into the insurance business is a fittingly weird way, and is once again using fire as the catalyst for his plot. How many fat businessmen will Ascott Keane sacrifice in the pursuit of his greatest foe? How many people will be added to the Faint Counter? And how in the world is Doctor Satan still unknown to the elite class that he’s targeting?
Story by Paul Ernst, first published in Weird Tales, January 1936.
Content Warning: reference to suicide
UCA is officially 10 years old, and to belatedly acknowledge this, Kaela has a special Christmas gift for David: Holiday-adjacent pulp from Weird Tales, written by the author of The Phantom of the Opera. The duo that started it will have contend with sailors, street fairs and the notion that Baby Jesus might actually be the one delivering gifts on Christmas Eve.
Story by Gaston Leroux, first published in Weird Tales, December 1930.
That absolute madman Allen Chaney has David and Kaela with him to be witness to a daring stunt that is sure to freak minds. Will he survive?
“this story could kill allen” (aka, “The leak from the upstairs flat”) was submitted by Julia Grane.
The line between Rorshack Rorsharn and Julia Grane blurs further as David lets Abysmii pick the two stories they will read, one from each pseudonym. And, like in the past, their horizons are broadened as they read way too much into the jank narratives, bringing the episode to a surprisingly poignant conclusion.
“the skibidi man” was submitted by Rorshack Rorshan; “lift your problems” was submitted by Julia Grane.
After paying their respects to our runners-up with some brief thoughts and analysis, David, Allen and Abysmii reveal the campy, colorful and comical 1st-place winner of our New Pulp Writing Challenge. A sincere parody of the genre’s most over-the-top material, we (re)join Cannon Washington as he stoically challenges the Uber-Kremlin’s dastardly schemes in: Justice for All! Part 17: Man Waits for No Time.
Story submitted by Daniel Scamell.
The 2nd-place winner of the New Pulp Writing Challenge is another cosmic nightmare, but this time witnessed through the disjointed epistolary of a mad(?) professor. David, Allen and Abysmii try to put the pieces together and revel in the elegent use of ambiguity in the unknown.
Story submitted by ClericofMadness.
Check out The Fog Report of Queen Mary’s Dark Harbor here.
After some careful consideration, David, Allen and Abysmii begin the process of revealing and discussing the winners of our New Pulp Writing Challenge. And this 3rd-place entry is an eldritch nightmare that evokes an alien city and an exacerbated game of cat-and-mouse with the story’s namesake fiendish entity. But what does this creature want with our protagonist? And why does this story bring up a tangent about Animorphs? (Spoilers: because the hosts are dumb)
Story submitted by A. S. Evans.
Atomic scrambling has left Abysmii a living skeleton, so David, Kaela and Allen will have to finish their analysis of Doctor Satan’s current cruel scheme. With Ascott Keane closing in, will the diabolical villain be able to follow through with his plan? Or will the power of his mysterious ray see both of them cut down to size (pun intended)?
Story by Paul Ernst, first published in Weird Tales, October 1935.
Have David and Allen been hoodwinked? Is this a sign of a narrative trend? A mysterious writer submits five very short stories that bear the uncanny hallmarks of shortstory1 and Rorshack Rorshan, and leaves them scratching their heads as they try to figure out what is going on.
All stories submitted by Julia Grane.
Doctor Satan brings his weird crimes to Tinseltown, much to David, Allen and Abysmii's mirth. Can it be that, despite the horror it evokes, this latest scheme to pry cash from wealthy studio moguls doesn't involve direct murder? And how much good has the birdlike Ascott Keane actually done when he has consistently failed to stop his nemesis? No bones about it, this might be the goofiest entry in the series so far!
Story by Paul Ernst, first published in Weird Tales, October 1935.
Phantom furniture poses a problem in this odd account from the 1920s. David, Kaela and Abysmii present another weird pulp tale of unintended comedy and unintended(?) sexual tension, all wrapped around one man’s attempt to get an anniversary gift for his wife and how it goes wrong (and on a rampage).
Story by Elliot O’Donnell, published in Weird Tales, February 1928.
Be sure to check out our New Pulp Revival Writing Challenge here!
David and Matt are in for a shock as they join Kaela, Allen and Abysmii for the explosive finale of the second Doctor Satan tale. As Ascott Keane learns the truth of his adversary’s latest scheme, prepare to be jolted by the reveal of Bostiff’s backstory, a staggering amount of innuendo, and the electric clock’s purpose becoming the dumbest plot point Paul Ernst has conceived so far.
Story by Paul Ernst, first published in Weird Tales, September 1935.
Be sure to check out our New Pulp Revival Writing Challenge here!
Attempting something new for this show, David, Kaela and special guest Nick Jewell gather in-person to play a storytelling game, powered by the English Eerie RPG system. Working in tandem, they craft the tale of Prof. Roderick Skeffington as he attempts to learn the haunting truth behind rumors of a beast on the moor.
System by Scott Malthouse and Trollish Delver Games. Get the game here.
Be sure to check out our New Pulp Revival Writing Challenge here!
The actual second story in the Doctor Satan series is unveiled as Kaela, Allen and Abysmii clue in to the newest scheme of the world’s weirdest criminal. Ascott Keane disguises himself as a tree to film people, a man’s last words have something to do with shaving, and an electric clock (or lack thereof) is somehow a giveaway for Doctor Satan’s dastardly plot. Will Keane ever get over himself enough to have another round with his equally-extra rival?
Story by Paul Ernst, first published in Weird Tales, September 1935.
The Year of Pulp continues as David, Kaela and Abysmii take a crack at a story in the public domain from a young Ray Bradbury. We get a vision of a optimistic future that never happened, and discuss the sad lack of hopeful sci-fi these days and the fears of the time possibly channeled through the story’s lens.
First published in Planet Stories, Fall 1947. Read it on Project Gutenberg here.
Creative Horror asks our listeners to check out Operation Olive Branch to see how to aid in humanitarian efforts in Palestine.
New Pulp Writing Challenge
David and Kaela touch base with Kylie Keen of Animal Fact Files and spring a Rorshack Rorshan trap on their unsuspecting guest! But surprises await, even for those well-versed in the unique and head-scratching style of these stories, and by reading this one the hosts might have just doomed the planet Earth!
Be sure to check out our New Pulp Revival Writing Challenge here!
Doctor Satan presents the Creative Horror Network’s New Pulp Writing Contest! Indulge in the tales of yesteryear with our newest creative writing challenge and try your hand at the new pulp fiction renaissance.
For official contest rules, click here.
We’re dragging out the Dregs 53 years before the Great War to discuss Fallout’s transition to television (though it seems radiation has caused some glitches near the end). David, Kaela, Allen and Abysmii have a lot on their minds as they delve deep into the lore and, as longtime series fans, talk about the show’s connections to it and debate where it might go in the 2nd season. Spoilers abound, so brace yourselves!
Bite-sized unease from a suburban setting. David, Kaela and Abysmii hop over the white picket fence and into ClericofMadness’ garage sale, managing to scrounge up the funds for a pair of stories. Also, Craig rebels.
“Cherry Red: Liberation” and Suburban Terrors” were both written by ClericofMadness.
The rip-roaring conclusion to this recent adventure sees Doctor Satan delving into the art of necromancy on top of his static electricity research, Ascott Keane stoically neglect to name his scientist friend, and David, Allen and Abysmii keep at the nonsense jokes that basically write themselves.
Story by Paul Ernst, first published in Weird Tales, November 1935.
Though we accidentally begin the fourth Doctor Satan story instead of the second, it does little to throw David, Allen and Abysmii off of the tropes that have already been established. The (good) doctor seems to be targeting fancy car manufacturers, but what does this next diabolical scheme entail? Is Doctor Satan actually the real inventor of the flux capacitor? And will Ascott Keane drag his long self out to confront his nemesis once again?
Story by Paul Ernst, first published in Weird Tales, November 1935.
An interlude before we likely advance to more pulp wackiness, David, Kaela and Abysmii look at a sobering story inspired by a prompt - a story about loss, memory, and the dead rising from the sea.
Story submitted by Unft4HumnConsumption.
The thrilling conclusion of the first Doctor Satan story finds our erstwhile hero, Ascott Keane, meeting his arch-nemesis face-to-mask. David, Kaela, Allen and Abysmii are joined by Mastt Holley this time as they explore such uncanny powers as magical trash cans, blind noclipping through the city, and T-posing to call on the power of God and anime.
Story by Paul Ernst, first published in Weird Tales, August 1935.
A pulp-infused saga unfolds as Abysmii shares a public domain discovery with David, Kaela and Allen. Straight form the pages of Weird Tales, the gang are introduced to the baffling crimes of the eponymous Devil-themed ne’er-do-well, and meet his arch-nemesis, the logical longboy Ascott Keane. Who will win? Who will lose? How many women will faint over the course of these stories? UCA is on the case!
Story by Paul Ernst, first published in Weird Tales, August 1935.
Nearly two weeks after Christmas and, timely as ever, David, Allen and Abysmii are opening their last gift from the Holiday season. If you’ve ever been unnerved by a certain plastic elf that is supposedly always watching for the big man up north, this one’s for you.
Story submitted by Jay Connett.
David and Kaela finally bring things full-circle (if a bit late) to talk about the Five Nights at Freddy’s movie, while special guest Ash is there to enlighten them to the weird and extensive lore of the greater franchise. How does the film hold up for the layperson compared to the fans of the series? And how in the world has this dangerous pizza chain managed to persist so long?
Can we not go even three episodes before returning to the existential exercise that is reading a Rorshack Rorshan story? Apparently not, because David, Kaela, Abysmii and Papreeka are all together in person to read one featuring the dreaded Reality Man.
Story submitted by Rorshack Rorshan.
David and Kaela talk to Kylie and Eli of Animal Fact Files about some of the planet’s strangest animals, and what features of those creatures might inspire horror in the right context (though nothing will ever top the deadly Flyon).
Pre-order Mind-Blowing Facts About the Planet’s Strangest Animals by Kylie Keen here!
Halloween is fast approaching, and David, Kaela and Benjamin have a perfectly seasonal story to share. Get ready to have some tricks treated and some chains rattled with the tale of an All Hallows’ ritual with good intentions and horrific consequences.
Story submitted by Knadire. Read along here.
David, Kaela, Allen and Seid celebrate Allen’s birthday and the beginning of spooky month with a story about a house, a dog, and several books that are not actually there. There’s drinking involved (for our readers, not in the story) and dice get rolled. Also, news about Midnight Marinara’s future.
"Story submitted by ClericofMadness. Read along here.
David, Allen and Abysmii will never in their lives be prepared for the twists and turns of these oddball stories. Also in this episode: anecdotes about Japan, Einstein jumpscares and a real reminder of the show’s credo.
Story submitted by Rorshack Rorshan.
The beloved segment returns! David and Allen receive five stories from the mysterious Rue and proceed to do very little effective proper critique while accidentally creating yet another UCA meme character in the process.
All stories submitted by Rue.
One last Liminal Real Estate claim (for the time being) as David, Kaela and Abysmii try in vain to cross a bridge that may or may-not lead to a mystical sandwich kingdom. Also, a revelation about the nature of beer takes place.
Story submitted by HyperThermal. Read along here.
The Liminal Real Estate agents of David, Kaela and Abysmii list a nice little number discovered during a livestream by a man who might possibly be a grandpa that played Tomagatchi.
Story submitted by ClericofMadness. Read along here.
A short story penned for a Liminal Spaces writing challenge ends up prompting some surprisingly deep and serious discussion from David, Allen and Abysmii.
Story submitted by Knadire. Read along here.
David and Kaela read a short and punchy little number conceptually inspired by a They Might Be Giants song.
Story submitted by Max.
David and Allen check out the Frozen Goat Cave and things get a more than a tad cryptic.
Story submitted by A.C. Silva. Read along here.
A four-podcast mashup! The creators of Darkly Lit, Undercooked Analysis, The Jaymeson Tapes and Coffee & Pie all gather in one place to have some goofy discussions! Follow along as these weirdos tangent back and forth with some quality(?) conversation.
The Darkly Lit Trio make a quick return to the Foundation to fulfill a request for Seid, and end up finding a deep dive into a multiversal conundrum in the process.
All entries read can be found on the SCP Foundation website: http://www.scp-wiki.net/
SCP-230 - “The Gayest Man Alive” was archived by Sc0tch.
SCP-2614 - “Sometimes I Go Out In Pity For Myself” was archived by bbaztek.
Oh good golly gosh, it looks like things are going a little kooky over there with our friends David, Allen and Abysmii, donchaknow. Maybe they got in a little too deep with this haunted doll story, but it probably has more to do with them getting into the mindset of a new character that may just have some meme staying power, oh yes she does!
Story submitted by neosaiyanangel. Read along here.
After nearly three years, David, Kaela and Allen grab a few from the Hennessy Vending Machine (SCP-294 that still needs repair) and read an account of an IKEA that goes on forever, the source of inspiration for the last two major episodes of Lord Bung’s “Confinement.” Also, David revives and old gag because why not?
All entries read can be found on the SCP Foundation website: http://www.scp-wiki.net/
SCP-3008 - “A Perfectly Normal, Regular Old IKEA” was archived by Mortos.
In a surprise early episode, your usual hosts do their usual thing.
Story by Rorshack Rorshan.
David and long-suffering inter-dimensional traveler Ben Paddon (Jump Leads) will bug bomb their way through this Cleric story that has way too many legs and even more tangents. Arachnophobes beware: this episode contains a lot of daddy longlegs!
Story by ClericofMadness. Read along here.
David, Kaela and Abysmii go fishing, and catch one whopper of an eldritch story with a nice dash of yearning.
Story by Kite Line, submitted by Cthuhlu Ftagn with permission. Read along here.
Allen and David have shelled out prompts, and now meet clandestinely in the desert to create something with the vibe of analog horror based on your suggestions! Could it be they’ve locked onto the next big Creative Horror project?
Creepy Cooking Staff’s theme music by Abysmii.
David comes in too hot on the mic in this recording while Allen is busy rolling at the bar. What brings them together is a story about lucid dreaming and a recurring image…
Story submitted by Leon H.
2023 kicks off with something not quite Short and Shivery. David shares one last bit of SS1 emulation with Allen, and bonds will be tested.
Stories submitted by Troy Wullbrandt:
”We Won’t Leave Orbit Until My Son Learns His Lesson”
"Whole Foods Is Milking Something It Shouldn’t”
”My Daughter Loves The Snow Too Much”
”The Voices In My Walls Say Fight On”
The wrapping paper is coming off of this holiday gift for David, Kaela, Allen, Abysmii and Papreeka, and it turns out it’s a rotten apple of a fanfic - a return of sorts to the nonsensical narrative universe of Happy Appy. How does the story handle when written by someone other than Dronian? Well…
“Happy Appy III: the sequel-prequel happy happy-appening” was submitted by Gamma Numeric.
Little did Allen and David know that when they started this venture into five more shortstory1 stories, they would come to some concrete revelations and legit information about the author. This episode is an unexpected culmination, and not one to be missed!
Stories in this episode: “I failed to understand the cat,” “Something keeps scaring all of the supernatural creatures in my area,” “I hate doing parents evenings with kids whose parents are dead,” “Why do I always have to be the bad guy,” August Community Spotlight - ShortStory1, “I tried reading every short story written by ShortStory1”
David, Kaela and Benjamin are going to have to put their waders on as they read this flash fiction story with grotesque banality at its heart. And a lot of meat.
Story submitted by Daniel Scamell. Read along at The Molotov Cocktail.
David, Kaela and Abysmii celebrate Guy Fawkes’ Day with another story plumbed from the dreams of the Great Old One. This time, it’s a VHS that has footage of the creation of humanity and how it was done. What existential conundrums will this cause for all and sundry?
Story by Brendan Cleary, submitted by Cthuhlu Ftagn with permission.
As Halloween approaches, David, Kaela and Seid gather to study a ritual, and possibly a new career path (both willing and unwilling) in spiritual medium practices. What will the board tell them?
Story submitted by Rorshack Rorshan.
Kaela and Allen take a stab at a NoSleep-style story written in a 3-hour burst of creativity. The title is certainly evocative of NoSleep, but how does the story flow?
Story submitted by Tainted Dove.
Allen’s enlightens David about the world of deathmatch wrestling, the device on which this story’s horror centers. They also talk about Mass Effect a lot, which has nothing to do with the story or wrestling. It wouldn’t be a UCA episode without some nonsensical tangents, after all.
Story submitted by Urkelbot666.
It’s a Darkly Lit episode? David, Kaela and Seid are here to read and discuss a very different kind of literature, this time involving a dumpster-based mystery.
Story submitted by Falstaff.
In this experimental episode, the gang record outdoors on a patio after helping David and Kaela move to a new home. Abysmii, Papreeka and Matt join them as they are reminded how this section has been well and thoroughly supplanted by the great enigma of shortstory1.
“I accidentally married everyone in my village” can be read here.
”How to uncook something” can be read here.
Sickness, madness and dumb jokes beset our crew as David, Kaela, Allen, Abysmii and Papreeka read an epistolary story about a doomed village and eldritch horror.
Story by Ryan Oleynik, submitted by Cthuhlu Ftagn with permission. Read along here.
David and Allen get galaxy brained with shortstory1’s longest tale to date.
Story submitted by shortstory1.
David and Kaela, a little more inebriated than usual, join Allen as they muddle through a critter-themed ghost story.
Story submitted by Cainmak. Read along here.
Longtime listener Bringeroflighters has asked us to choose our poison, and David, Kaela and Allen have two very, very short pieces of food-themed fiction to imbibe.
“I went to wholefoods at 11am and now i wish i hadnt” and “Local ad” were written by Bringeroflighters.
David, Kaela, Allen and Seid read a story penned in one hour with no proofreading or editing to see if the Shortstory1 effect applies; instead we get a new addition to the Wendigo Cinematic Universe.
Story submitted by Troy Wullbrandt.
This segment has entirely been hijacked by shortstory1 at this point. David, Kaela and Matt get AJ and Gwen to return and see how far the weirdness has gone and what tropes continue.
Stories submitted by shortstory1 Read along below:
1. “Something keeps multiplying inside my apartment”
2. “If you are 30 years old and have a car, job and a house then you are a failure”
3. “I'm just trying to bury my father but drivers keep honking their horn”
4. “I want my room to be red”
5. “I was supposed to be maliciously compliant with my neighbours but it failed”
The whole gang (plus Matt) get together, get drunk, and get properly fed up with this story. They can only handle so much verbose, empty dialogue and passing references to way more interesting details that should have been shown, not told through the narrative. But is this truly the end?
Read along with us here!
David and Kaela are back from a trip, and ready to take on some counseling for a troubled tale of marital strife and a really specific haunting.
Story submitted by Rorshack Rorshan.
The incredibly mysterious author of a past DisneyPasta Challenge story asks us for some feedback, and David, Kaela and Benjamin provide… while falling into a fair amount of tangents since this is a much shorter story. Beware of silly padding!
Story submitted by Shark Cake.
David, Kaela and Abysmii receive something new from an old friend. It’s got antlers and a gun.
Story submitted by Slimebeast.
David, Kaela and Allen have finally been recognized for the academics they are, as this episode has been requested for English homework. What kind of story will the teacher tell?
Story submitted by Mr. Martin (Benacazón).
Allen and David can check out any time they like, but they can never leave… Wait, that’s the wrong hotel. What’s this all about? And is something burning?
"Story submitted by A.C. Silva. Read along here.
David and Allen have no choice at the moment but to read more shortstory1 oddities this time, and a pattern might be forming…
Stories submitted by shortstory1 Read along below:
1. “I love you so much Melissa”
2. “I want my son to be like me”
3. ”I’m so glad you exist”
4. “There is only 1 kind of social interaction that I like”
5. “I didn’t die for you”
A returning writer gives David, Kaela, Seid and Naruli a lot to think about with this melancholy short story…
Story submitted by Oxygen-Thief.
Stay until the end of the episode to hear a sneaky sample of Creative Horror’s newest podcast, The Jaymeson Tapes.
What dry horrors await our readers in this installment? Be prepared for more gripping details of petty gossip among rich old people, long-winded discussions about etymology, and our protagonist apparently manifesting future vision out of nowhere. Also, mongoose.
Read along with us here!
We’re back from our holiday hiatus! David and Allen start 2022 with a hot-off-the-griddle batch of short, weird fiction by the mysterious shortstory1.
This unusual final chapter of our Cryptid Writing Challenge comes to a close as the missing four stories are documented and barely survived by our expert team of Kaela, Kylie, Eli and Ben. Which story will leave the biggest impact on our judges?
“Karen” is by Skill Flea.
”Pale Gorgon” is by HyperThermal.
”South Milwaukee ‘Alley Man’ Still At Large” is by Rika.
”Top 10 Cryptids I Just Created to Potentially Win Third Place in a Writing Challenge” is by Zath.
A trio of mysterious entities from the Cryptid Writing Challenge are brought to light by Kaela, Eli, Kylie and Background David as we look at some of the runners up.
“The Halifax Howler” is by Beth Morton.
”Ethylene Oxide and The Swamp Clown” is by Daniel Scamell.
”The Drudge” is by Plaggus.
But these aren’t are only elusive creatures… Check out our Lost Cryptids Challenge for more info.
We asked, you answered. We have sifted through a number of uncanny accounts of strange creatures and eerie beings unclassified by science, with the three stories herein the judges’ favorites. Join Kaela, Eli, Kylie and sorta-there David as the winners of our Cryptid Writing Challenge are revealed.
3rd place - “The Detroit Harvester” by Dylan Walters
2nd place - “Frosty” by Troy Wullbrandt
1st place - “Thyliidae Africanus” by Schultz
Themed drinks and sleep deprivation arrive for this second installment, where the Creative Horror gang have to contend with geology, snakes and a sudden, cringe-inducing reminder that racist caricatures existed in novels like this.
Read along with us here!
A new spooky saga begins! Kaela has enlisted the Creative Horror crew to read an infamously maligned horror novel by none other than the writer of Dracula, just to prove that even the most well-known authors can produce duds. The gang is about to find out why, and start plotting how they might drink their way through it in a creative way.
Read along with us here!
Since the Creative Horror Crew were on vacation recently, they’ve arranged a platter of bite-sized items from the menu of Choice Dregs, lost chunks of UCA recordings usually given only to Patreon supporters. However, something totally new and unexpected awaits at the end…
If you want to hear all episodes of Choice Dregs, plus a good amount of other extra content related to Midnight Marinara and UCA, please consider becoming a Patron at any level.
Eli shares a existential story of bitter nostalgia. confusion and regret, but Kaela, Allen and Benjamin are monsters drunk enough to commit to the bit.
Story submitted by Eli Edgerton-Jones.
We’re not strangers to fan fiction on this show, and luckily four of the five hosts - Kaela, Allen, Seid and Raevell - have some decent context to work with, while David is very much in the dark. Will this horror take on Madoka Magica leave the desired impression regardless of knowledge of the source material? And will Allen get the $5000 necessary to reveal his own Bionicle fiction at last?
Story submitted by neosaiyanangel.
Slight disclaimer. There’s some potentially tricky stuff in this one that’s definitely NSFW. Notes at the beginning. Just be forewarned. Anyway, David and Allen are a couple of dingbats.
Story submitted by William Dalphin. Read along here.
The noble tradition of getting Random Encounters to read stories with us continues! Having just wrapped shooting of Your Happy Ending the night before, we awake at the crack of 2pm to read a collection of five very short stories with varying themes of quirky horror and a bit of NoSleep energy.
Stories submitted by shortstory1 Read along below:
1. “Hello I would like to order a pizza”
2. “I regret turning an Instagram tiktok influencer into a vampire”
3. “I am going to allow my son to be weird for 12 hours instead of just 1 hour”
4. “Donate to my charity guys”
5. “My mother is still scared of the dark”
Originally a Patreon exclusive, this special episode contains the prototype that eventually led to Undercooked Analysis. Recorded way back in March of 2014, this impromptu session has David and friends Ben Spiegel, Sean Holt, Ty Lucas and Kyle Duncan reading through "Jeff the Killer," and stumbling over what UCA originally tried to do: understand what it is that made this story and its namesake character so popular in the wider Creepypasta mythos.
If you’re interested in what other weird gems we have hidden in the vault these past 7 years, consider joining our Patreon.
Opening with some theocratic discussion (sacrilege may vary), David, Kaela, Seid and Papreeka find their cold open was more on theme then they anticipated, as they read a story about an old tree and a struggle with identity.
Story submitted by Oxygen-Thief.
Check out our Cryptid Creature Writing Challenge with Animal Fact Files!
It's the 100th episode since UCA moved to Creative Horror, and the gang's all here to take another look at everyone's favorite ominous unknown killer - this time with the story run through Google Translate a few times. Will it be a marked improvement?
Kaela, Ben, Kylie and Eli connect link cables and discuss a submitted work of good old-fashioned PokePasta, this being a tragic tale of eggs gone awry.
Story submitted anonymously.
A New Year’s Day story in April? Sure, why not? It’s UCA and anything goes when David, Kaela, Allen and Seid get together. In addition to this story of self-reflection, Allen presents a new recurring challenge to the other hosts…
Story submitted by TheRe_Writes. Read along here.
It’s time for David to get some of what he dishes out. Kaela, Seid and Papreeka take a story written for a writing challenge and put it to their own form of scrutiny, while also providing some helpful PSAs along the way.
Story submitted by David King.
Allen has something important to share with our listeners about a change in the show’s format.
An unsettling anecdote about a pirated broadcast, interspersed with Pokemon questions from David, Kaela and Abysmii? Yep, it’s another episode of Undercooked Analysis.
Story submitted by Secoura.
A demonic document awaits David, Kaela an Allen as Cleric pitches them a story about reflecting poorly on one’s life in a truck stop bathroom (or is it a really crappy apartment bathroom?).
Check out the Horror Historians Pilot here.
Story submitted by ClericofMadness Read along here.
David, Kaela, Allen, Abysmii and special guest Naruli are about to spend another hour in the ball pit as they talk about Nicolas Cage fighting animatronics and cinematic attempts to ape the FNaF formula.
This could easily be a very dark story based on the subject matter, and yet David, Kaela, Allen and Papreeka seem to be rolling in a fair bit of levity to keep them going. Will they be able to push through, or will they keep making reference to next week’s Choice Dregs (available only on Patreon!)?
Content Warning: story depicts violence against an infant.
Story submitted by Cainmak.
There’s an awful lot of pudding left over from the challenge, and Allen, David and Kaela are going to have chosen their personal favorite flavors from among them to showcase. As it turns out, a lot of our entrants really enjoy pudding-related prompts.
We finally serve you the winners of our Creepy Cooking Staff Writing Challenge! Allen, David and Kaela have tasted nine dishes based on previously-concocted prompts from the CCS recipe book, but only three can appease the staff!
3rd place - “I Named Him Eddy” by Kylie Keen
2nd place - “Bumble Buddies” by Eli Edgerton-Jones
1st place - “The Road Trip” by Beth Morton
David and Allen are on the case of an unsolved mystery, crafted by Kaela! Of course, with an episode that’s this special, the boys intend to keep it raw… and also invent a skeleton cannon in the process. What do you think happened to Sweet Carrie Jo?
Story submitted by Kaela King.
David, Allen and Benjamin aren’t done yet! With the holidays here, the trio read a pair of skewed stories - one very short, and one in very familiar territory.
“Listing Miss Riding Hood” was submitted by Rue; “I think I discovered a theme park’s horrible secret” was submitted by Ben Fuller. Read along here.
David, Allen and Ben Spiegel record at the 11th hour and butcher a perfectly good story about hungry scary bird people.
Story submitted by Holly Stittle on behalf of Alice Moulin.
The global pandemic has done little to curb the nightmares that already exist in the SCP Foundation, and while everyone is under lockdown the place is free game for David, Kaela and Allen as they continue reading up on the SCPs that inspired Confinement.
All entries read can be found on the SCP Foundation website: http://www.scp-wiki.net/
SCP-2200 - “Soulberg” was archived by PeppersGhost.
David and Allen are sleepy.
Story submitted by Oxygen-Thief.
Deadline has been extended for the Creepy Cooking Staff Writing Challenge! Submit your entries by Nobember 30th at 11:59pm to be part of the challenge!
This is the (new) dumbest episode of UCA, but the story certainly isn’t.
Story submitted by Kylie Keen (and Eli?).
Last call for our Creepy Cooking Staff Writing Challenge!
Location-based chills await as David, Kaela, Allen and Seid read this NoSleep submission about a fateful discovery on a deserted river island, which also seems to be near a lot of other abandoned things.
Story submitted by Atticus Garrision. Read along here.
It’s not to late to jump in on our Creepy Cooking Staff Writing Challenge!
Losses aside, David and Kaela set up to play this unusual game with Matt Holley, And Eli and Kylie from Cinema Nippon/Animal Fact Files. Then they decide against it once they find out what the rules are, that the prize is definitely not worth it, and that it might be more worthwhile to do an ASMR episode of this podcast someday instead.
Story submitted by PostMortemCreamPie. Read along here.
Details about the Boolympics Writing Challenge are right here.
David regrets accepting this ClericofMadness story almost instantly, and Allen recounts how a Midwest accent ruined a certain experience.
Check out our Creepy Cooking Staff Writing Challenge and be a part of this year’s Boolympics.
Isolated in a cabin in the woods (shooting the upcoming final season of The Shovelwarewolf), David and Kaela have Random Encounters on hand once again, this time for two submitted short stories that have nothing to do with video games for a change. Also, AJ poses a question to our listeners…
“Clean” was submitted by Oxygen-Thief; “Well Dressed Theater” was submitted by Mightybob3000.
In this exciting episode - featuring David, returning guest Ben Paddon and new guest Michael Nixon of The Game of Rassilon podcast - marvel at the sound of three people’s brains frying due to heat as they attempt to critique a story.
Story submitted by Sarah Wydra. Read along here.
Listener beware, you’re in for a scare! The staff of Allen, David and Kaela put some extra monster blood on this attempt to create the premise of a Goosebumps book.
Check out the first round of the Boolympics!
David, Kaela and Seid have never stopped to wonder who often writes those guides for conducting RitualPasta… until now, as our old friend Sam takes on a surreal journey into an otherworld of coffee and cigarettes.
Story submitted by RabidRadioactiveRaccoons.
What’s the story, Wishbone? You’ll find out after several minutes of unusual conversation between David, Kaela and Abysmii. Post-banter though, is a melancholy canine conundum that becomes surprisingly tense.
Story submitted by Cainmak.
Check out Abandoned Hatchback here and here.
David, Kaela, Allen and Seid stay up way too late reading an anonymously-submitted story that they had started to read on their last livestream. Lost media tropes abound, but are they done right in this case?
Read along here.
An old segment with a new twist, David brings around special guest and new voice Vevina Swanson to compare and contrast a pair of differing NoSleep stories by the same author, drawing attention to the inherent weirdness that is the site’s conceit: treat every story like its real.
Both stories written by Atticus Garrison. “My Brother Used to Race Sprint Cars” can be read here; “I Don’t Watch YouTube Videos Anymore” can be read here.
The time has come at last for Allen and David to deliberately dumpster dive. With a challenge to write an intentionally bad Creepypasta that seems earnest, eight brave souls rose to the challenge, and all eight entries will be read on this episode. But which will come out on top?
David and returning guest Ben Spiegel, normally able to record in the same space, find themselves menaced by recording lag and a looming deadline as they read this story about a delayed train and an eerie station,
Story submitted by TheRe_Writes. Read along here.
Guns Don’t Lie
Shaking things up with a role-reversal, David and Kaela put an Abysmii story to the test with a little help from Slimebeast. They’ll need this chilly story to beat the heat, as that (and social distancing) seem to making David in particular kinda loopy this episode…
You can read along with us on TooSpooky.com.
Slimebeast’s Amazon author page is here.
At long last, Prasokour’s two-into-three-part saga concludes with a Faustian bargain, and we conclude with talk of aurochs for some strange reason…
If you’d like to help support Prasokour’s educational fossil exhibition, PayPal donations can be made here.
Pras has sent us the second part of his swampy saga, and David, Kaela, Abysmii and Papreeka creep back into the bog to see if one desperate woman’s plan to save her dying husband will prevail, even in the face of mounting terror… and some of our terrible jokes and tangents.
If you’d like to help support Prasokour’s educational fossil exhibition, PayPal donations can be made here.
Allen initiates a subtly-hostile takeover of UCA as he and Mike recruit David to make the former podcast into a recurring segment. Their quest this time is to create an SCP idea based on listener prompts. What horrible creation will they concoct, and is it any worse than what Future David ends up making everyone hear this episode?
David, Kaela and Papreeka have a hankering for some seafood this episode, but do they plan on going out to eat? Where’s the fun in that? Fortunately they have a handy guide submitted during the RitualPasta Challenge to aid them in this difficult task.
Story by RabidRadioactiveRaccoons.
Changing tack this time, the entire Creative Horror group find they have nothing better to do while stranded on a bleak rock in the sea but talk about a surreal chiller of a film that came out in 2019. David, Kaela, Allen, Seid, Abysmii and Papreeka finally, finally get to go over their thoughts on The Lighthouse and everyone is glad. Especially you. Especially you.
Taking a critique request from a previous DisneyPasta Challenge-entrant, David and Kaela invite Eli and Kylie from Cinema Nippon and Animal Fact Files to stand in line with them for Pirates of the Caribbean… or at least read a story about standing in line for Pirates with a spooky twist.
Old friend-of-the-show Prasokour has handed David, Kaela, Abysmii and Papreeka a mysterious letter, somberly written to a sick husband by a determined wife. What does it entail, and why does the concept of foreclosure suddenly have Kaela in an absolute fit of giggles? Listen, and shake your head slowly at these weirdos.
If you’d like to help support Prasokour’s educational fossil exhibition, PayPal donations can be made here.
With the holidays over and loads of new gift cards to utilize, David, Kaela and Allen return to the Foundation to plumb its depths. With Confinement’s fourth episode in their sights, what could possibly go wrong?
All of the entries read can be found on the SCP Foundation website: http://www.scp-wiki.net/
SCP-420-J - “The Best ████ in the World” was archived by Quikngruvn.
SCP-174 - “Ventriloquist's Dummy” was archived by RichardJ28.
SCP-1836 - “Mother in the Ice” was archived by Vivax.
Christmas Eve delivers an unexpected meeting as David and Kaela hang with Abysmii and Papreeka face-to-face. They choose to unwrap a story about a weird little learning aid in the shape of a finger puppet. Is there any holiday flair to be had? Does the story hold up? And do David and Kaela seem a little… off somehow?
Story by Slimebeast. Read along here.
Details on the Uncanny Garbage Writing Challenge.
A new era of UCA begins properly with David, Kaela and Abysmii reading a listener-submitted story about that feels very classically “Creepypasta.” There’s also some talk about fire-breathing swans that may or may-not be relevant to the narrative discussion.
Story submitted by Cainmak.
Allen, Sean, De’Markcus and Brad bring you campfire stories. With no campfire. Recorded in a truck. While someone blasts techno music in the background. Huh…
David, Kaela and Seid read their chosen Honorable Mentions from the challenge with a little help from Abysmii.
David’s Pick: “Does anyone know this mascot??” by ClericofMadness
Seid’s Pick: “Why I hate working alone at night in Tomorrowland” by Katie Wiykovics
Kaela’s Pick: “The Land of Mice” by Talos
Spinawah (it’s been a while) but we’re back, and just in time for Halloween! David, Kaela and Seid reveal their winners of the DisneyPasta Challenge posed during the summer, and Allen is the sounding board for the truly blind read. Also, some housekeeping and news about where the show is going from this point forward.
3rd - “A Shitty Vacation” by Daniel Scamell (Urkelbot666)
2nd - “He Has The Whole World In His Hands” by Schultz
1st - “The New Mickey Mouse Club Member” by Dartmouth & Friends
David and Allen feel anything but comfy and cozy in this cabin.
Story’s original author unknown. Read along here.
David, Kaela and Ben deal with a stop-motion nightmare.
Story credited to Tam Lin. Read along here.
Ben's "Western Thing".
I shouldn't have recorded this episode with Kaela, AJ, Gwen and Nate while making Blues Traveler references, but anyway...
Story credited to JC-the-Hyena. Read along here.
David and Abysmii make a descent into the dark depths of this week’s story, and sadly neglected to bring along a certain robot canary to check for toxic gases. Will they strike gold, or is this epistolary story a dead end?
Story credited to Daltsch. Read along here.
This episode is legitimately cursed. You have been warned.
Story credited to JR22. Read along here.
The DisneyPasta Writing Challenge is still in effect, and Kaela and David have called on the ever-typecast Slimebeast for help in this area, as they read a Disney-themed Nosleep narrative and ponder the pros, cons and tropes of stories based around the Mouse.
“Whatever you do.. stay out of the Disney vault” is credited to Jgoodspeed. Read along here.
David and Kaela have a birthday present for their friends at Random Encounters in their third, well, encounter with AJ, Gwen and Nate. From the depths of Creepypasta’s past come a pair of Pokemon perils that have significant history and a noticeable impact on the trend of PokePasta that followed. Do these two odd accounts still hold up?
“Pokemon Black” was written anonymously. Read along here.
“Lavender Town Syndrome” was also written anonymously. Read along here.
While taking a vacation aboard the Raygun I, David and Kaela sit down with Abysmii and Papreeka to read about a strange game created in the earlier 90s with supposedly otherwordly origins.
“Helious” was created by Sean Puckett, while the story presenting it as a Creepypasta is credited to TornadoAP. Read along here.
They may not be pretty soldiers, but David, Kaela, Abysmii and Seid are here fight evil by moonlight and talk about Sailor Moon while reading yet another attempt at a “lost episode” story. This Wattpad wonder seems to have been written by a kid, so the gang’s not expecting anything glorious by a long shot. But will they have fun anyway?
“Sailor Moon: Lost Episode” is credited to fluffycupcakegirl. Read along here.
Cleric of Madness, the erstwhile creator of the Creepypasta Wiki, rises again to help David and Kaela navigate a pair of bite-sized stories about the walking dead. Do these shambling shells have any semblance of life in them, or will they prove to be as mindless as the zombies they’re attempting to utilize?
“Self Preservation” is credited to BananaCorn. Read along here.
”Since the Incident” is credited to Chelsea.adams.524. Read along here.
Did you know there’s apparently two versions of “6 Underground” by the Sneaker Pimps? One’s the original and one’s a remix. David didn’t until he started editing this episode… Oh, and he and Allen read a story about vampires.
“Sex, Drugs, and Immortality is credited to Magicalmbeth. Read along here.
This episode brought to you by Anderson Robotics, producers of many fine paratech gadgets, as seen in the confines of the SCP Foundation and on Lord Bung’s Confinement. Available to ship worldwide very soon.
All of the entries read can be found on the SCP Foundation website: http://www.scp-wiki.net/
SCP-1360 - “PSHUD #31” was archived by Jacob Conwell.
SCP-2306 - “Revenant AI” was also archived by Jacob Conwell.
Though we announced it in the last episode, here is a formal issue of our next writing challenge, asking our courageous writers to pen a dark Disney tale.
Prizes: First place winner receives $50 USD, Second Place receives $25 USD and Third Place receives $15 USD. Winners will receive their cash prizes through PayPal, so you must be able to provide a PayPal in order to receive it.
Only one submission per writer
Word Count: 2,000 word maximum, no minimum
Due Date: July 17, 11:59PM PST
Sending Your Story
-Send your story to midnightmarinara@gmail.com
-All stories must have titles
-Send preferably as a .doc or .pdf, but can be put in the body of the email
-Please only add your name in the subject area of the email. Do not put your name anywhere in the story, whether it is in an attachment or in the body of an email.
Writing Rules/Guidelines
-It has to be set in the parks. It can be about a ride or experience, or it could just take place within the context of the parks. It should have its main incident within a Disney park or resort property.
-Avoid writing only about Marvel, Fox, or Star Wars (The idea behind a Disney Creepypasta is the juxtaposition between a corporation, normally seen as “magical” and “innocent”, and unexpected terror. Focusing on the above franchises alone defeats the purpose).
-Can be as realistic or as supernatural as you like
-We’re looking for engaging stories, that capture that creepiness factor about Disney that people often forget. The story should easily interweave the family-friendly reputation of Disney with horror
-Judging criteria might favor stories that have a sense of grounding and detail, but that's based on understanding the setting and tone.
Kaela convinces David that it’s time to read another mediocre Disney-themed Creepypasta -and from deviantArt, no less - but this time seems to have some sort of agenda. What could she be up to?
“The Costume” is credited to Soulful-Sorrow. Read along here.
Another banterclass episode wherein David, Allen and Mike talk about a bunch of stuff, eventually read the story, and then talk about more stuff. This might not be the one for you if you want a simple straight read, but for those who like hearing asinine conversation, this is the one for you.
"Boothworld Industries" as a whole is credited to Christopher Bloodworth. Read along here.
David’s never really been a cat person but is alright being cat-adjacent, while Kaela had a cat growing up and likes them pretty well. That’s important because this episode, guests Eli and Kylie from Animal Fact Files are bringing some feline frights to peruse. Will these two tales make the groups whiskers stand on end, or are these cats better left in the bag?
"Feline Shadows" is credited to Dengrath. Read along here.
"Found Cat" is credited to Needle553312. Read along here.
This episode is nuts.
"My buddy Ed had himself three balls. He got one removed, but I think it was maybe the wrong one" is credited to nslewis. Read along here.
The meaning of life, the universe, and everything has nothing to do with this episode, but it is fitting that David meets with AJ, Gwen and Nate from Random Encounters 41 episodes later, somehow. This week brings a horror story of neglect, apathy and possible murder all buried in a gross detritus of human garbage.
“Meek” is credited to Mystreve. Read along here.
David and Prasokour don their protective gear and trudge into a Nosleep story without a NoSleep title, which is already a good sign. Will this anomalous arachnid account manage to snare the hosts in its narrative web, or will it be a the prose equivilant of a can of bug spray?
“The Forest of A Thousand Legs” is credited to Lovezinski. Read along here.
Animal Fact Files
Slimebeast’s “Spider Earth”
It didn’t start out as a Short and Shivery, but David, Kaela, Allen and Abysmii found the first story offered a little too short (but at least a little shivery) and decided to, at last minute, tack on another one. What follows is a pair of stories with very different tones and very different reactions from the panel of readers.
“The Gun Game” was initially uploaded to the Creepypasta Wiki by RetardoTheMagnificent. Read along here.
”BooTube” is credited to Tbok1992. Read along here.
Lord Bung’s Confinement series provides ample fodder for yet another trip to the SCP Foundation, as David, Kaela and Allen read up on the entries used as inspiration. How does the webseries hold up in terms of adapting the spirit of its source material, and which SCPs will be utilized?
All of the entries read can be found on the SCP Foundation website: http://www.scp-wiki.net/
SCP-082 - “Fernand’ the Cannibal “ was archived by FrtizWillie.
SCP-1846 - “Maize Angel” was archived by Communism will win.
SCP-007 - “Abdominal Planet” was archived by xthevilecorruptor.
SCP-407 - “The Song of Genesis” was archived by Pair Of Ducks.
Joined by Seid and Raevell of The Witching Hour, David offers a story from his early scourings of the internet for a “potential Midnight Marinara” list. Will this tale of a town under an ancient curse stand a ghost of a chance?
“Mary” is credited to The Fox God. Read along here.
Technically this is the third time this “icon” story has popped up in David’s life, but it’s finally the one that gets pinned down and recorded for posterity, with a little help from Mike MacDee. Does Toby Rogers suffer from the same terrible cliches as his fellow Creepypasta brethren?
“Ticci Toby” is credited to Kastoway. Read along here.
Fair warning: Allen himself has stated these two interconnected stories might, in fact, be the dumbest things he and David have read on the show. Will it prove to be true?
“Ichor” and “Retributors” are credited to Giuv. Read along here and here.
It’s the further adventures of Dr. Apathy, now adding detective to the list of things he’d done in this asinine trip into the troubled dreams caused by Ubloo. David, Kaela, Abysmii and Papreeka only now realize how long a haul this saga might be…
“Ubloo” is credited to DifferentWind. Read along here.
Ever wonder what a silent podcast would be like? Wait, nevermind... Here's David, Kaela and Ben Spiegel talking about a spooky silent film story, featuring an in-story cameo by Allen's ancestor, Lon Chaney.
Story by ArcticWolf. Read along here.
Plenty of searching, not a lot of rescuing. Allen and David shotgun the last three parts of this story in one sitting, and are surprised when something genuinely unexpected happens.
"Search and Rescue Woods" is credited to searchandrescuewoods. Read along here.
t's a podcast within a podcast as the semi-retired crew of Coffee and Pie have invaded UCA. Join host Allen and his co-hosts Sean, Brad, De'Markcus and guest Vivian as they read a story that takes...one hell of a turn.
(Skip to 7:13 to avoid eating noises)
Story by K-Morg. Read along here.
The wretched minions of Creative Horror extend some horrible holiday wishes this season. Featuring Seid and Raevell from The Witching Hour, the Pasta Shade of Midnight Marinara, Abysmii and Papreeka from Raygun Readers/Trick or Track, and our own David and Kaela for UCA.
Allen’s Eggnog.
More than halfway through the whole thing now, yet David and Allen struggle to muster any sort of enthusiasm as their dismal meandering through the endless expanse of this story continues. Will this part have any sort of unexpected surprises?
(Skip ahead to 3:18 if you want to avoid the sound of the hosts chomping food directly into microphones - their level of caring has hit an all-time low.)
"Search and Rescue Woods" is credited to searchandrescuewoods. Read along here.
A harrowing disaster means David and guests Beth Morton and Skill Flea are forced to recover from a lost recording by reading a haunted doll story, pulled at random from the depths of the Creepypasta Wiki. Will this make up for that time?
“The Doll Named Lil’ Nancy” is credited to ELGB333. Read along here.
Skill Flea’s Scare My Friends Writing Challenge ends December 23rd.
After putting it to vote, David and Allen are stuck reading a some typical Creepypasta fair with a Don Bluth theme. Suffice to say, neither is surprised by what is contained in this story.
“An American Tail: Original Version” is credited to TheBlackMetalBunny. Read along here.
With Allen temporarily out of commission thanks to a blizzard, David and Kaela sneak into a story that's both Disney and Ritualpasta on a whim. How will this one stack up on both fronts? And will pulling double-duty help it avoid being stuck in the cliches of both categories?
"The Disney Mirror Ritual" is credited to sl1878. Read along here.
t’s the fear of victory, and the agony of the Scarecrow as David and Allen take a reading break this week to discuss their favorite Batman villain with special guests Brian Ward and Dr. Andrea Letamendi of The Arkham Sessions podcast. What makes Dr. Jonathan Crane and his experiments in fear so compelling, how does he compare to the other members of the Dark Knight’s rogues gallery, and is he really insane or simply a man who lacks empathy?
In a twist that surprised David, Kaela, Abysmii and Papreeka, what begins as a fairly straightforward read into a story about nightmares quickly reveals itself to be the hidden backstory of one of the UCAHACU's myriad characters. Does this make the story unintentionally more enjoyable? You bet it does.
"Ubloo" is credited to DifferentWind. Read along here.
It's been awhile, but David and Allen are practically tripping over dead kids as they search for more odd staircases in MurderSatan National Forest, and they're none too thrilled about it.
"Search and Rescue Woods" is credited to searchandrescuewoods. Read along here.
David has a couple things to say about UCA, where it’s been and where it’s going.
Music: "It's Halloween-Lo-Ween (Dreamy Lounge Remix)" by Vasile Sirli.
he experiment of revisiting old Midnight Marinara stories continues, this time with David and Slimebeast as the test subjects. Together they go over the empirical data surrounding this popular Creepypasta from the early days of the genre, and see if it still holds up.
"The Russian Sleep Experiment" is uncredited. Read along here.
Check out “The Creepypasta Field Guide” here.
David invites Seid and Raevell of The Witching Hour back to discuss the piece that inspired Midnight Marinara's 2nd episode, the tale of a troubled artist and a very weird town. Is the story a true work of art, or did it take a remix from the Pasta Shade to turn a troubled tale into a gallery display?
"The Art of Jacob Emory" is credited to Peterdivine. Read along here.
With Midnight Marinara's 5th anniversary on the horizon, David introduces a new segment looking back at the stories that were adapted into audio drama. Does the source material for the first episode still hold up on its own? David and Kaela check in to find out.
"Just Telling Stories" was written by Karl Drinkwater. The version read here was originally posted on Creepypasta.com and is now removed. An updated version, along with several other short stories by Karl, can be found in his short story collection They Move Below here.
Listen to the "Midnight Marinara adaptation of the story here.
David and Kaela are back from a recent trip to Walt Disney World, and with Disney on the brain pull up yet another macabre Magic Kingdom story. What are the odds that this NoSleep account of a construction worker's weird experience will turn out good when most Disney Creepypasta fall into cheap cliches?
"Working at Disney" is credited to BLEETCH1994. Read along here.
David and Seid (from CreativeHorror.com and The Witching Hour podcast) want to give a quick outline of some recent developments and for the future of this and other podcasts. More detail will come soon.
It's been a long time coming, but Kaela assumes control again as she and Nick Barbera return to the mythos started in David's "Grad Night in the Haunted Mansion" and continued in "The Man with the Cane." What seems to be an innocuous archive of a Disney forum discussion may hide a deeper story, but is it worth digging through, or has David worn the idea into the ground? Do not pull down on the safety bar, please: we will lower it for you.
"DoorlessChambers.com Forums" was written by David King. Read along here.
It's the return of NoSleep Nonsense as Allen brings on Mike MacDee and Nick Nocturne for a rousing read of a faulty Alexa and a person with a talent that really sucks. How do these stories fair?
"My Amazon Alexa does more than just laugh" and "Why do all my lollipops moan when I put them in my mouth?" are both credited to iia.
You're about to get more than you bargained for as Dead Palette, Chelsea and Travis become the Sunshine Biscuit Division. They rise and shine the light of day on a lost scene of "Saved By The Bell" and a haunted copy of Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3
David has an in-person read with Ben Paddon for a story about the infamous Slenderman, police incompetence and apparent narcolepsy. Will this be a narrative reaffirming Slenderman's context as mysterious figure, or will it trip over its own tentacles?
Credited to HarbleMornets. Read along here.
Check out the Indiegogo campaign for Ben's "Typecast" webseries here.
Allen and Mike MacDee have a pitch for a new kind of show, wherein they craft a story based on audience-selected criteria: this time, it's a haunted cartridge story about a certain cyborg bee and must involve a dead family member, friend or lover.
Dead Palette and two of his friends talk about guns and slang terms for awhile and then read a couple stories about guns or something I guess. Whatever.
"We Make Guns" is credited to FRAAANK!!! Read along here; "The Old House in Gettysburg" is credited to Saintmichael1226. Read along here.
In this creepy-crawly episode, David reunites with returning guest Matt Holley to answer a very weird Craigslist ad. Will this narrative angle convince our hosts to commit, or will they be turned away by a shoddy product?
"Serious Inquiries Only, Please!" was written by Urkelbot666. Read along here.
Music credit: "Lost in the Lair of the Sea God" by Abysmii.
Meet the new hosts of UCA - Abysmii, Rose Shrimp, Beth and Morzathoth - as they hop from Rawdog Readings to begin their new career. Will their first story prove to be a welcome read or an abysmal slog?
"Out in the Woods" is attributed to prozac101. Read along here.
An episode from our archives, considered for a new segment of the show but never followed through on... until now. David, Dead Palette and Allen are given several short stories by ClericofMadness from Creepypasta Wiki's Content Abuse Log: stories that are automatically blocked due to cliches, overused tropes and just plain clumsiness.
While Sam and Kyle continue their search for Kimber, your hosts realize they might have hit the absolute bottom of the barrel in terms of jokes, and Allen begins to see the pieces coming together.
"Borrasca" is credited to C.K. Walker, aka The_Dalek_Emperor. Read along here.
Three typical, average hosts inside a haunted podcast. Just by chance, meet Gram-Gram to make them Borrasca. Um, all joking aside, things keep getting worse for the protagonists, and we're all along for the ride.
"Borrasca" is credited to C.K. Walker, aka The_Dalek_Emperor. Read along here.
The plot thickens as our protagonists begin seriously trying to learn the truth behind Borrasca, and the effect it has on the town. Meanwhile, David, Dead Palette and Allen continue to be dummies, and Gram-Gram doesn't know when to quit.
"Borrasca" is credited to C.K. Walker, aka The_Dalek_Emperor. Read along here.
While David and Kaela relocate due to water damage in their apartment, the Hyper-Realists step in to deal with some water damage of their own...
"Standing Water" is credited to Cosmo Fish. Read along here.
As they return to the chilling, sinister world of Borrasca after a fair absence, the guys approach with the usual care and gravitas you've come to expect from this podcast... Oh. And Gram-Gram does some more ludicrous stunts.
"Borrasca" is credited to C.K. Walker, aka The_Dalek_Emperor. Read along here.
David and Dead Palette meet with half the cast of Rawdog Readings - Zath, HyperThermal and Beth - to imbibe another Patron's Poison of a eerie encounter on a dark mountain trail. Is the whole thing to be taken at face value, or does a joke observation by Dead Palette turn out to be the clumsy hidden subtext of the tale?
"Prey" is credited to John R. Read along here.
David and Kaela kind of feel like it's the first episode all over again, except it's definitely not since they're not reading "Laughing Jack" but a story about wallpaper and obsession. No, not the Charlotte Perkins Gilman short story that's also about wallpaper and obsession. Just... Just give it a listen.
"A Tear in the Wallpaper" is credited to Umbrello. Rad along here.
Allen is sick, putting Borrasca on hold for a little bit, so join David, Dead Palette, Kaela and Mike MacDee for a paw-fully good time diving into yet another weird little pocket of the internet. What will they find on a Creepypasta Wiki meant only for stories related to a kids show they've never seen?
"The Road To The End" is credited to SilverCestor789.
"Evil Patrol" is credited to Chase787.
The boys (and Gram-Gram) head back to the Ozarks to continue the winding tale. What even is "Borrasca," and why does the sound from the mountain herald catastrophe?
"Borrasca" is credited to C.K. Walker, aka The_Dalek_Emperor. Read along here.
After what feels like ages of hoping, David finally gets his wish as he, Dead Palette and Allen get started reading the novella-length C.K. Walker story, set in a small Ozarks town and through the eyes of a child, at least to start with. Will it prove to be all it's cracked up to be? And why did Dead Palette decide it was a good idea to invite Gram-Gram Palette along?
"Borrasca" is credited to C.K. Walker, aka The_Dalek_Emperor. Read along here.
It's true when they say too much TV will kill you. Allen, Dead Palette, Eli and Kylie read a a story of a "hyper-realistic" surprise gone bad, with the occasional chime in of special guest Raptor Noises.
"HD Death" is credited to Umbrello.
Allen is David, Dead Palette is Abysmii, Eli and Kylie from Cinema Nippon/Animal Fact Files are themselves, and there might be a cameo by Prasakour as raptor noises in yet another ponderous edition of Short and Shivery.
"The Special Ingredient" is credited to sgy0003.
"Purgatory" is credited to Fluteheart.
David, Dead Palette and Allen would walk at least that far to get you another batch of RitualPasta. This time they take a little road trip down a spooky stretch of highway looking for their ultimate desire. Will they get their wish, or will the story leave them wishing they hadn't read it at all?
"11 Miles" is credited to Emerry.
Nothing is secure, contained or protected from us at the Foundation, and David and Kaela have once again escaped with their lives and a handful of SCPs to discuss. They're joined live by Abysmii and Papreeka of Raygun Readers, as well as new faces Lex Reckless and Ben Waxler to determine the validity of these archives.
All of the entries read can be found on the SCP Foundation website: http://www.scp-wiki.net/
SCP-1867 - "A Gentleman" was archived by Djoric.
SCP-503-ARC - "The Infinite Pasta Pot" was archived by thedeadlymoose.
SCP-1247 - "LaBeouf Viewer" was archived by ksaid.
Another one already? And it's another haunted gaming collection? What are these guys even thinking? It seems January 2018 is the month of the Cursed Cartridge, and this time the gang focuses on the Nintendo 64.
"1080 Snowboarding N64: The Dark Boarder" is credited to Incorrect3. Read along here.
"Glover Creepypasta" is credited to Nintendude. Read along here.
Dead Palette and Chelsea are back, and so is Short and Shivery in a short timespan. Ity's time for more haunted gaming, in this case Resident Evil 4 and Devil May Cry. Do we even need to ask at this point if these stories will be any good? Because we all know in our hearts how it's probably gonna go down...
"Resident Evil 4: One Chance Only" has no original credit; "Devil May Cry: Dante's Revenge" is credited to Dragonrights72.
With class and sophistication your terrific trio kick of 2018 with all the professionalism you expect from Undercooked Analysis. Their story this time around features a frustrated writer that eats brown sugar and is paid a visit in his lonely cabin by something hideous. Will this story crawl into our hearts, or is it best to lock the doors and leave it outside?
"One Windy Night" is credited to Isaac Boissonneau (Hopefullygoodgramar). Read along here.
Dead Palette is flying solo in this episode, joined only by his mysterious Tulpa, C.F. Comer, as they spelunk into a pair of pastas based on Tomb Raider. What a great way to start 2018, eh?
"Tomb Raider Creepypasta" is credited to Percydercymercy2; "Tomb Raider 3: Game Over!" is credited to SmashBrawlFanfiction.
Surprise! It's Christmas, and David, Dead Palette and Allen are the gift that keeps on giving. This episode is pretty much nothing but holiday discussion, with a NoSleep story tied on like a bow at the very end. We hope you enjoy, and we wish you happy holidays, no matter what you celebrate (or don't, as the case may be).
"'I hear Santa's reindeer outside!' shouted my six-year-old" is credited to BlairDaniels.
The gang has decided to give you your present early this year, with a couple of horrible holiday stories that are sure to bring you tidings of comfort and joy (in one way or another). Meanwhile, enjoy the usual stocking stuffer of a lot of banter.
"Christmas" is credited to CafeLegendary; "Christmas in July" is credited to EmyrealInvective.
Another intrepid Patron has sent us their own story to be analyzed, this one inspired by the concept of Keyhole Fiction - a snapshot of a world without much in the way of explanation. Will the gang find the view enticing, or are they left with a door best left unlocked?
"Viewed Through A Keyhole" is written by Alex Hatzberger.
It's back to basics as David and Kaela go out on their own to read a NoSleep story that became an Easter Egg in the free-to-play visual novel "Doki-Doki Literature Club." And that's just the background, where the story itself follows a college student with murder on her mind. Will it's overlong NoSleep title drive our pair away before it begins, or will perseverance prove to find a hidden gem?
"I found a small box hidden in a mall that contains the recollection of a 19-year-old girl who decided to kill someone just to see what it's like" (hoo boy) is credited to Dan Salvato.