Her Widow Wisdom: Recent Episodes
Kristin L Bethune
Let's get to the nitty gritty of widowhood!
Let me tell you this life is not easy but it can be done! I lost my husband in a tragic car accident back in 2016 and my life and the lives of my children have not been the same since. Death has taught me more about life than living ever did!
This podcast will talk about everything from grief, depression, helping your children navigate grief, what does starting over look like and many other topics!
So tune in weekly for episodes with me The Healing Widow as I bring you "Her Widow Wisdom!" Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/kristin-bethune/support
I am almost at the 5 year anniversary of my husband's death and let me tell you GRIEF has almost taken over!
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We tend to hear more about the woman when she loses her husband and what life is like for her. We very rarely hear about the man and what is life like for him now that his wife is gone. This interview was done in the hopes of giving grieving men a voice and to help society to see and understand that men do grieve but also life for them will never be the same!
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The truth is I haven't been completely truthful to myself! In order for me to walk into the life that God has for me I have to learn to speak my truth no matter what! ITS MY JOB!!!!
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"Here is where I am, Here is where Your not!
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A lot of the time WE are the reason that things are not changing and/or moving in our lives! If we are entertaining BS than you want have room in your life for what God has for you!
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In the final episode in this series my special guest Cierra will be sharing with us her journey to healing and her plans for the future.
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In this episode my special guest Cierra will be talking about the day her boyfriend was killed and the events that led up to his death.
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Disenfranchised grief also known as hidden grief or sorrow reflects any grief that goes unacknowledged for example like the loss of a boyfriend or girlfriend. This is Episode 1 in a series titled "How My Boyfriend's Death Changed My Life," featuring my beautiful niece Cierra Harris.
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The 5 Stages of Grief are as follows: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance or DABDA for short. These 5 Stages were first described by author Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in her classic book "On Death and Dying" in 1969. You have to understand that no 2 people grieve the same and grief can come in different forms it doesn't always have to be death it can be divorce, loss of a job etc.
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The 5 Stages of Grief are as follows: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance or DABDA for short. These 5 Stages were first described by author Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in her classic book "On Death and Dying" in 1969. You have to understand that no 2 people grieve the same and grief can come in different forms it doesn't always have to be death it can be divorce, loss of a job etc.
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Death is much apart of life as living. Although painful and sometimes difficult to comprehend there is still LIFE after death!
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Planning an outing with the grieving widow or widower gives them something to look forward to that does not have anything to do with their spouses death but everything to do with them getting back to the business of living.
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Needing help with the kids after their dad died was huge for me! Trying to help them find some since of normalcy was hard for me so getting help from my village with them took a huge burden off my shoulders.
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A lot of times after the death of a loved one we as the family rush in like the Calvary trying to save the day when what we should do first is "Ask." Ask your loved one what they need or how can you be of assistance. Trust me knowing exactly what they need and doing it for them during such a difficult time is a huge blessing!
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After my husband passed away I struggled with taking care of myself. Some days it took everything in me to just get out of bed. Having a self-care package was not only needed for me but was necessary. It was filled with items that was centered around me and what I needed at the time. So if your having a hard time trying to figure what to do for that new widow or widower; create and send them a self-care package and trust me when I tell you they will forever be grateful for it!
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Accept the life that is truly yours to live and honor the one you are leaving behind
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God has already forgiven us so why haven't we forgiven ourselves
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We can all agree that waiting can SUCK! Yes it can; however we need to understand that its not what we are waiting for but who we are becoming while we wait.
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We have so many decisions to make as widows and widowers that we usually make with our spouses however it is now just us making those tough decisions! So we must seek wise counsel. We must ask God to give us the wisdom that we need to do what needs to be done!
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Losing my mother in 2012 and then losing my husband 4 years later, didn't give me the chance I needed to put the pieces of me that was broken/lost back together! So I have been fighting for 8 years not to get myself back to completeness.
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I totally understand why you don't want to celebrate; trust me I do! Your person is not here! However, celebrating just may be exactly what you need to begin your healing!
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When you choose to be of service to someone during this time of year you come to realize that you focus less and less on yourself and more on the gift of life and love
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We made it through to the other side! Praise God! Our first Christmas without him was hard however, the kids and I made a conscious effort to create new memories/traditions.
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Reality is really settling in. Not only did we have to celebrate his birthday son after his death now we have to figure out how to get through Christmas & New Years without him
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You have had to deal with so much! Funeral arrangements, possibly selling the house, the kids. closing accounts etc etc. That you have not had anytime for yourself! You know what....NOW is YOUR time! Now is the time to reinvest in YOU!
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This new life is not easy! Everyday presents some type of challenge, however; I had to learn to extend myself grace because I am not going to get it right every time and that's okay!
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OMG! The thought of dating again scares the hell out of me! Do I really want to do this?
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You experience so many different emotions while on your grief journey. There are moments when everything is great and then there are those moments where you are either mad or sad or both! This rollercoaster of emotions can be so exhausting but I have learned that I had to face them and work through them in order for me to get off the ride.
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You are going to experience different situations along your grief journey that will trigger your grief! Listen let me tell you.....I struggled for so long with so many different things triggering my grief. I finally got to a point on my grief journey where instead of me looking at the triggers as a way of reliving my grief to a way of finding the joy in remembering my husband.
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I am not the same woman I was 4 years ago at the beginning of my grief journey; I am not even the same woman I was when my husband was alive. Grief has completely and totally transformed me!
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Starting over after my husband passed away was difficult! I really didn't want to face the reality that my life was now totally and completely different! However this journey that I am on is scary but so rewarding!
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I had a reach a point where I didn't want to do anything anymore! I was over all of it and I just wanted it to end......however my sister and my son had other plans!
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There is so many things to consider now that I am a widow but the thing that is the most important is my kids! How the hell am I suppose to not only navigate my feelings but also help them to understand that our life will never be the same!
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I am now a widow! I will never get use to saying that out loud! Yet here I am doing life without my husband!
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The night the lives of me and my children changed!
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