She Doesn’t Settle: Recent Episodes
Kelly Travis
On the way to achieving that next thing, as a successful ambitious woman, you may be sacrificing your health, happiness and bigger dreams. Dare we say, you might be settling? Join Kelly Travis, a Health and Career Coach, as she and her guests help you drop the “shoulds”, the “rules”, and the need to “play nice”, especially if they all came from someone else’s idea of how you are expected to show up. On this podcast you’ll be pushed to think about how you want to show up, and the things you want to achieve. If settling is no longer an option, this podcast is for you.
In this episode, Kelly is diving into the vital role of patience in achieving our goals and creating meaningful change. Setting goals is an exciting journey, but the path to reaching them can be full of unexpected challenges. Join Kelly as she explores the significance of patience, the ways to cultivate it, and stories of individuals who exemplified patience and perseverance in their pursuits.
Tune in if you want to start moving beyond outcomes, focusing more on the process, and building resilience along the way.
Episode Links:
Kelly on Instagram
Website
She Doesn't Settle
Email Kelly: support@kellytravis.net
Welcome to the second episode in our discussion around communication. Last week's episode we discussed conflict styles and today we are discussing interaction styles.
In this episode I'm exploring three distinct interaction styles: Assertive, Compliant, and Withdrawn. These can also be referred to Hornevian Groups, named after the influential psychologist Karen Horney, that categorize the nine Enneagram Types. You’ll learn the key characteristics of each style (and how it shows up in each Enneagram Type), how they influence communication and relationships, and how to work with them.
Let me know what you think your dominant style of interaction is and what you learned in this podcast!
Episode links:
Email Kelly: support@kellytravis.net
Website
She Doesn't Settle
In this episode, I'm diving into part 1 of 2 about communication styles. Today, we're beginning with conflict styles. Through this episode, you'll discover how understanding your conflict style—and those of others—can enhance your self-awareness and elevate your interactions at work and in your personal life.
We’ll explore the three primary conflict styles: methodical, reactive, and avoidant, and offer practical tips for engaging effectively with each. Whether methodical, reactive, or avoidant, this episode is packed with valuable insights to help you navigate conflicts with grace and understanding. Tune in and transform your approach to conflict.
On next week's episode I'll be discussing part 2, interaction styles, so be sure to tune in next week.
Send me an email (below) or a DM on Instagram, and let me know what conflict style resonates most with you.
Episode Links:
Website
She Doesn't Settle
Kelly on Instagram
Email Kelly: support@kellytravis.net
In this episode, I’m having some fun with the movie "Inside Out 2" and talking about this movie as if Joy, the lead character, were my client!
It would be an understatement to say that Joy is a little uncomfortable with the other emotions present in Riley’s head, and this isn’t unlike many of us who struggle with acknowledging the full range of emotions we experience as humans. So…on this episode I’m delving into the complexities of emotions through the lens of Joy. We discuss Joy's unique role and experiences within Riley's emotional switchboard and how she navigates the challenges of maintaining happiness while acknowledging the full spectrum of emotions. We also address the impact of perfectionism and overwork on Joy's well-being, offering strategies for managing this desire to pursue joy and embracing a more balanced approach to emotional support.
This is a fun conversation and applicable to everyone - even if joy isn’t your default emotion. If you tend to get a little uncomfortable with certain emotions, you’ll definitely get something from this episode.
Episode Links:
She Doesn’t Settle
Kelly’s Website
Kelly on Instagram
Email - support@kellytravis.net
I've been on a bit of a social media detox AND been very diligent about using the "do not disturb" feature on my iphone. It's been immensly helpful in reducing some stress and anxiety and keeping me focused on work (and my kiddos).
In this episode, I'm delving into the impact of social media and our constant connection to our cell phones on various aspects of our lives. I'm explorinig how these digital technologies can impact us -- including productivity, mental health, and memory. And as always, I'm sharing things that have helped me, and my clients, with creating habits and routines that reduce our reliance (or addiction) to these apps and tools.
Episode links:
Website
She Doesn't Settle
Kelly on Instagram
Instagram account referenced
In this episode, Kelly is taking a dive into the concept of radical acceptance and its powerful impact on our emotional well-being. She discusses what radical acceptance truly means, its connection to dialectical behavior therapy, and the common misconceptions surrounding it. Kelly also explores how this became an important practice she is working on and how radical acceptance differs from forgiveness and the signs of lacking acceptance in our lives. Join us as Kelly as she shares the 10 steps to practicing radical acceptance and explores the various everyday situations where applying radical acceptance can lead to a more fulfilling and peaceful life. Episode Links: She Doesn't Settle Kelly's website Kelly's Instagram Email Kelly: support@kellytravis.net
The youngest of six, Dr. Nicole Bradford grew up in a chaotic, abusive home environment and always felt "different." Despite her challenging upbringing, Nicole was the only one of her siblings to attend college and has had a remarkable career. She embraced being different by no longer focusing conforming and meeting, external expectations and instead focusing on her own.
She has held many different titles within the educational system, from teacher to principal and even a college dean, and today, Nicole has her own business supporting educators and administrators. Her journey of professional growth is a testament to her resilience and determination. Her business name is Maintaintheflame, and you'll hear more about that in the interview.
Nicole has a book out now, "My Soul is NOT for sale". This book focuses on how you can break away from the Lies, Labels and Limitationsand create the life you deserve.
Episode Links:
Dr. Bradford's website
Nicole on Instagram
Kelly on Instagram
She Doesn't Settle
Kelly's website
Email Kelly at support@kellytravis.net
Welcome to the latest episode of She Doesn't Settle! In this episode, I'm asking the maybe unpopular (but important) question - can too many self-help books and inspiration quotes make you feel like you're always chasing after the next big thing? Can it leave you feeling more alone and not good enough instead of inspired? And are we instead in more need of positive interactions and a supportive community?
Ascend, my mastermind/community for high achieving women is open for enrollment until August 15th! If you're seeking a community of of like-minded women who will offer you support, laughter and accountability as you work on your goals, definitely consider learning more.
Episode Links:
Ascend info
Ascend Form
Kelly on Instagram
Email Kelly: support@kellytravis.net
Today I'm exploring the sunk cost fallacy. Tune in to gain insights into its origins, real-life impact, and strategies to overcome it. You'll definitely recognize a time when you've experienced it, or maybe you're experiencing it right now!
Discover how reframing your thinking and seeking external perspectives can empower wiser decision-making.
ASCEND is open for enrollment! If you are curious about it, please send Kelly a DM or an email to learn more. Enrollment closes August 15th.
Episode Links:
Ascend
Kelly on Instagram
Website
Email Kelly: support@kellytravis.net
In this episode, I'm talking through the five reasons why high-achieving women experience heightened levels of anxiety and four things you can do to mitigate it.
Once you’ve listened, find me on social or email me to let me know which of the five reasons I share resonate the most with you and what action you'll try first.
Episode Links:
Ascend
Email Kelly: support@kellytravis.net
She Doesn't Settle
Welcome episode 194! It feels good to be approaching 200 episodes. Thank you for tuning in and supporting the podcast. :)
On today's episode I'm digging into the #eratrend (yes, I know it started last year and Taylor Swift definitely had something to do with it) that continues to be shared on social media. I'm sharing why I love this trend and how you can use it to motivate yourself and build in some levity and fun as you work on parts of yourself.
I'm exploring the concept of eras, giving examples of some of my favorites, like the Villain Era and Healing Era and discussing why naming your 'Era' can help you get more specific about your goals (and why this is important).
Whether it's physical transformations, travel experiences, career achievements, or embracing single life, these eras bring color and richness to your journey. So, if you're not a social media person and don't feel like sharing your journey there, I'd love to hear about the era you're in. Remember, life consists of various chapters, and it's something to celebrate. Let the era trend serve as a prompt to prioritize what's important to you right now and garner the support needed to make it happen.
REMINDER!!
Ascend is open for enrollment and I am so excited to work with another amazing group of women. Get all the details at the link below and if you have questions, please send an email. Maybe it's time to focus on your Ascend Era?
Episode Links:
Ascend Website
Kelly's email: support@kellytravis.net
In this episode of She Doesn't Settle, I discuss what happens when we receive a "sign" that prompts us to consider making a change in our lives (these are the moments in life that make us realize when things aren't going well and how we are settling for less than we deserve), but due to fear, we quickly dismiss that idea.
I'm delving into the mental aspects of listening to our inner voice rather than ignoring it and specifically addressing the fears and self-criticism that hold us back. I'm covering nine specific fears tied to our unique personality, such as not feeling good enough, lacking energy, and feeling out of control, among others.
You should ask yourself the question: Is this fear b.s.? This episode offers insights into finding the courage to take the first step towards change, making it achievable, and seeking inspiration from those who have undergone similar journeys. Tune in to receive a gentle nudge to listen to those signs and confront the fears holding you back.
Episode links:
Ascend Mastermind Interest Form (fill it out!)
Email Kelly: support@kellytravis.net
Website
She Doesn't Settle
REMINDER: Ascend is open for enrollment – learn more at the link below!
In this episode, we explore the subtle patterns and behaviors that secretly sabotage our goals. We'll explore the journeys of two incredible women, each struggling with productivity and focus, and how their unique personalities shape their paths to improvement.
Join me as I share what we uncovered was holding them back and what we've implemented to help them regain control, from shifting daily habits to reshaping underlying beliefs. Whether you're battling distractions or feeling stuck in a different area as you work towards your goals, this episode offers insights and examples of how we have to uncover those sneaky habits and patterns that are tripping us up as we work towards our goals.
Episode links:
Ascend
Email Kelly: support@kellytravis.net
Website
She Doesn’t Settle
Kelly on Instagram
In this episode, I’m excited to share that my group experience, Ascend, is back!
Ascend is a nine-month group experience created for high-achieving female leaders and business owners who are ready to get unstuck, elevate their personal and professional growth, clarify and achieve their most ambitious goals, and prioritize their wellness.
Listen in to hear about the experience and a little bit about what you can expect.
To learn more, complete this form so we can chat
Episode Links:
Ascend Form!
She Doesn't Settle
Email: support@kellytravis.net
In this episode, I explore the crucial yet often overlooked aspect of goal-setting: the importance of having fun while working towards your objectives. Achieving your goals should be a smooth process. Instead, it can be an enjoyable journey. I'm sharing a little marathon recap—because the entire process was fun—and exploring how incorporating fun into your goals can boost motivation, creativity, and well-being.
Join us as we share five practical and effective ways to inject fun into your goal-setting process. From mixing up your routine to celebrating small wins, I'm sharing actionable tips to transform your approach into a fun way to work towards your goals. Whether striving for career advancement, personal development, or fitness milestones, this episode will help you find joy in the journey and make your path to success more enjoyable and sustainable. Tune in and learn how to balance hard work with fun, ensuring that every step of the way is as rewarding as the final destination.
Episode links:
Kelly's website
She Doesn't Settle
Support: support@kellytravis.net
AI app used for Marathon training: Trenara
Welcome! Today, I'm delving into the emotional rollercoaster that is disappointment. We have all faced moments when life does not go as planned, whether missing out on a job opportunity, experiencing a failed relationship, or encountering personal setbacks. This episode explores the multifaceted nature of disappointment and how it impacts our mental and emotional well-being.
Join me as we unpack the psychology behind disappointment, uncover why it affects us deeply and how our brains process these feelings. I will share how to transform disappointment into a powerful catalyst for personal growth and resilience. Discover techniques for reframing negative experiences, setting realistic expectations, and nurturing a mindset that embraces change and uncertainty. By the end of this episode, you will be equipped with the tools to face life's inevitable disappointments with grace and strength, ultimately turning setbacks into stepping stones toward a brighter future.
Episode links:
Survey Link (Thank you in advance!)
Website
She Doesn't Settle
In this podcast episode, I'm exploring the concept of momentum. We've all experienced it, and when it's the postiive kind - boy does it help us get to our goals and create change fast! But...watch out for those roadblocks.
What we don't talk too much about, but definitely exists, is the presense of negative momentum both in our personal habits and inside organizations. Negative momentum can hinder progress and performance, so I'm digging in and discussing how to combat negative momentumand providing three key steps for shifting negative momentum into positive momentum.
If you're feeling stuck and like you're in a bad spiral of negative habits, an unhealthy mindset, or struggling with negative momentum in your organization - - tune in.
Episode links:
Website
She Doesn't Settle
Kelly's Instagram
When it comes to gaining self-awareness, the greatest impact for Kristi Rowles with her Six Enneagram Type was shifting from trying to eradicate/shame anxiety out of her life and instead learning how to befriend it, relate with it, and respect/value it. Professionally, when she realized living in a perpetual state of stress, she changed her career and life. She left her 9-5, returned to her home state, and launched her own business. This is an episode for anyone looking to grow and evolve as you learn more about yourself.
Kristi is a Mental Health Therapist turned Enneagram expert and entrepreneur. In 2020, she founded Enneagram University, where she trains other therapists and coaches how to utilize the Enneagram, a personality typing tool, to increase their effectiveness, impact, and personal fulfillment. In 2023, Kristi acquired an inclusive fashion and accessory brand called Roziejune, which has become the perfect outlet for more creativity and fun. You can find her traveling, snacking, supporting small businesses, and wearing fun earrings in her free time. She, her partner Nick, and their pup, Mirabel, are based in Florida but shoot to spend several months of the year abroad.
Episode links:
Website
Kelly’s Instagram
Kristi's Instagram
Sej Deribin's career pivots exemplify what it means to be adaptable. She transitioned from a strategic event planner for a global finance firm to launching her own events company, focusing on empowering executive women through events and education. Sej’s latest career pivot finds her working in the roofing industry, leveraging her experience to enhance an already thriving family-owned business. Her improvements not only augmented profits but also skyrocketed customer satisfaction.
Tune in to hear about Sej's career pivots, the challenges you came up against in a new industry and how she has forged ahead to now be seen as a leader in the industry. Sej is an Enneagram Type 8SX and we dig into what learning about herself meant for her, both personally and professionally.
Episode Links:
Website
She Doesn't Settle
Work with Kelly: support@kellytravis.net
The Enneagram Effect Instagram
She Doesn't Settle Instagram
Kelly's Instagram
Sej's Instagram
Pat Wetzel is a graduate from the University of Pennsylvania and Wharton Business School. She’s gone from multibillion dollar Wall Street deals to disability; from disability to divorce; from a chance encounter with an esoteric aviation sport, soaring, to 15 years flying high performance planes and all the lessons that come from the sport. Throw in 6 years dealing with incurable cancer and her story is one that inspires us all.
Pat's is a story about going from life's lows to life's highs and the incredible adventure of it all. If you're looking for a hit of inspiration this conversation will not only give you that, it will also be a reminder to enjoy the ride.
Episode links:
Kelly's Instagram
Website
She Doesn't Settle
Work with Kelly - support@kellytravis.net
Pat's Links:
Substack
Dr. Ilse Garcia is a pelvic floor physical therapist who specializes in helping women move freely, confidently, and leak free in any stage of life. She is a Postpartum Certified Exercise Specialist (PCES) through Core Exercise Solutions and clinically trained by the American Physical Therapy Association (APTA). Additionally, she has undergone a three-year mentorship and training in myofascial release pertaining to pelvic and orthopedic issues. Ilse received her doctorate in physical therapy in Texas and moved to Las Vegas May 2023.
Dr. Garcia is driven by her mission to shed light on pelvic floor dysfunction and women’s health issues, as they can limit one’s ability to do the things they enjoy. Seeking pelvic health services and bringing up personal issues to providers can be a scary thing for many of us. Let's be honest - it isn't easy to speak about these issues openly. Dr. Garcia's message is that women do not need to settle with living with these issues and simply putting a bandaid. She wants women to listen to this and feel empowered to ask the right questions and find help that will help provide them the freedom to do the activities they love and enjoy.
Episode Links:
HR Roundtable
Dr. Garcia's website
Dr. Garcia on Instagram
Kelly's Website
She Doesn't Settle on Instagram
Kelly on Instagram
Register for the HR Roundtable HERE.
Whether you are in an HR role, leadership, own the business or are an employee of an organization, this episode is for you. I'm sharing all kinds of stats on workplace mental health and well-being, digging into the four generations (and their varying expectations of what they want for support), barriers to wellbeing initiatives, why it might not be working in your company, and opportunities for improvement.
Episode Links:
HR Roundtable
Website
She Doesn't Settle
Reference #1
Reference #2
Maybe you're wondering why you're feeling so fatigued? It could be because you've got your brain working overtime, and it isn't getting a break!
Today's episode is a deep dive into Cognitive Fatigue - what it is, research around why it occurs (from neuroscientists), and what you can do about it.
If you've been foggy, distracted, forgetful, overwhelmed or struggling with simple tasks - be sure to tune in.
Episode links:
Work with me: support@kellytravis.net
Waitlist for HR Roundtable: support@kellytravis.net (subject ROUNDTABLE)
She Doesn't Settle
Website
SDS Instagram
Kelly's Instagram
References
Big Think
Neuroscience News
Our guest today is Maddie Alm! Maddie ran for the University of Colorado Boulder, where she went from a walk on to an All-American due to her experience working with a dietitian. Her journey with nutrition is what led to her pursuing a career in dietetics and she now runs her own private practice helping other athletes learn the power of proper fueling.
In addition to her dietitian practice, Maddie also still trains today at a high level with Team Boss in Boulder. She competed in the US Olympic Trials in 2021 and is training with the goal of competing in the upcoming 2024 trials.
Tune in today and listen to Maddie's unique perspective about running, fueling and her pet peeves about diet culture! Her story is a reminder that if you put in the work and believe in yourself, you can accomplish great things.
Episode links:
She Doesn't Settle
Kelly on Instagram
Fueling Forward Instagram
Maddie on Instagram
We all have a dominant interaction style when it comes to getting things we want - you either lead with withdrawn, compliant or assertive. And, they all are effective when used in the right context. If you tend to struggle with flexing that assertive muscle, that isn't a bad thing -- but it's important to know that you do have the ability to be assertive (in a way that feels authentic to you).
This episode is about identifying what level of assertiveness you lead with, and whether or not you want to dial it up or down -- and how.
Assertiveness can sometimes have a bad rap because it can be misused, but when it comes to using our voice, sharing ideas and needs, it's important to access it.
Listen in and let me know your thoughts!
Episode links:
She Doesn't Settle
Work with Kelly: support@kellytravis.net
Website
Connect on Instagram!
If improving wellbeing and mental health at work is important to you -- either as an individual or a leader, this episode is for you. As we often talk about on this podcast, our wellbeing is a critical piece to our performance and our happiness. On today's episode, I'm sharing helpful and accessible tips that will help you improve your mental health at work.
Whether you own the company, are in a leadership role, or want to learn more for yourself, these are tips you can implement (at no cost) that will help to improve mental health at work.
Episode Links:
Website
She Doesn't Settle
Want support personally or for your team? Email me: support@kellytravis.net
Whether you're easing into the new year or have already declared your goal(s) for 2024, today's She Doesn't Settle episode is one you should tune into because I'm sharing a handful of things I want you to keep in mind when setting and taking the first few steps towards your goals. (A few things might surprise you.)
Setting and working towards goals isn't just simply declaring the goal and getting on autopilot - there are so many pieces to the process that are important. If you want support as you work towards your goals (or in deciding what goals you actually want), let me know. I'm taking on more one-on-one clients in this new year and would love to work with you! Email me at support@kellytravis.net
Episode links:
Website
She Doesn't Settle
On today's SDS episode I'm running you through an exercise to help you work through what happened in 2023 in order to set goals for 2024.
Grab a notebook and pen and let's get started!
Episode Links:
She Doesn't Settle Website
Kelly's other website :)
Kelly on Instagram
Free coaching call
The Enneagram Effect Podcast
The She Doesn’t Settle™ group program is open and we start January 16th.
If you're ready to kick off 2024 with support and accountability while you tackle that big change or goal, this is how you can do it.
I'd love to help you identify and declare how you want to stop settling and create a strategic way to make it happen.
Get more details and sign up here: www.shedoesntsettle.com/program
Questions? Submit them on the site or send to: support@kellytravis.net
When we are upset, it's easy for our thoughts to take over our minds. We might become fixated on one particular thought and have trouble focusing on anything else. This is called being fused with our thoughts. It's a common experience that many people have.
Thought defusion techniques can be helpful to escape the trap of negative thoughts. These techniques are based on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and function by redirecting focus from the actual thoughts to the thought process. The outcome is a less chaotic and overworked mind and a more impartial outlook.
Tune in for 4 techniques you can try right away.
Episode Links:
Website
Email: support@kellytravis.net
The holidays can be challenging for some. Perhaps a little anxiety provoking?
If you've been doing the work to change the stories you tell yourself (about yourself) and the behaviors that haven't been healthy -- finding yourself in old, familiar dynamics and environments can be challenging. Listen in for a little pep talk to help you get through the holidays and protect your mental, emotional and physical health. xo
Episode links:
Website
Work with Kelly: Send inquiries to support@kellytravis.net
Quitting has gotten a bad rap. There’s a negative connotation associated with leaving things behind, unfinished; not staying committed.
We’re told to never give up. Keep going. Don't quit.
But, there are consequences to not quitting. We miss out on opportunities and growth; sometimes sacrifice our health if we don’t quit things. So today on the She Doesn’t Settle episode I’m sharing why I want you to get good at quitting and six ways you can quit.
Quitting has to be part of your vocabulary if you’re going to stop settling. So, be sure to listen and then let me know what you intend to quit!
Episode links:
Website
She Doesn't Settle
Q's about coaching: support@kellytravis.net
Hey there! On today's episode, I'm giving you a few tips for staying committed to those goals that feel a little scary. I've started a Master's program and holy cow am I feeling all the things -- including resistance and self-doubt. So...today I want to provide you with some things that are helping me right now, and hopefully will help you as well.
Tune in to learn a few questions you can ask yourself as you get started to ensure you continue to show up for yourself.
Hi friends -
I'm sharing updates on when new episodes will be coming out, a NEW podcast I've been working on and some new programs you can find over on the website.
Thank you for all of your support!
Episode links:
Website
New podcast: The Enneagram Effect
Taking care of our mental health isn’t just about doing one thing — it’s about creating small changes and evolving over time. It’s an ongoing process that is driven by an increased awareness and consistent changes.
On today’s episode you'll get 7 tips on what you can do while at work to improve your mental health.
**Mental illness is very serious, and while these tips are small things you can do to improve your health and wellbeing, if you are experiencing severe depression, severe anxiety, or thoughts of suicide -- please seek help via a therapist or call the NAMI HelpLine at 800-950-6264 or text "Helpline" to 62640, or chat. In a crisis call or text 988.
Episode Links:
Website
Discovery Call
Sure, it might be an instant relief or feel validating to walk away from the very thing that is causing you so much angst, but if you’ve got other’s counting on your income or don’t have financial cushion in the bank, it’s likely not the easy solution.
The reality is that over half of Americans aren’t in the position to just up and leave their job.
So when people suggest you ‘just quit’, it isn’t helpful.
If you find yourself in a toxic work environment, burned out, or just feeling stuck and wanting more for your career — before you say peace out to your employer — here are a few (of the many) things I have my clients do first.
Show links:
Schedule a call to learn more about She Doesn't Settle Group Program
SDS Assessment
Today I am joined by Jodie Bourne, a business consultant and website designer specializing in vacation rentals. At 51 years old, Jodie made a major career change and now helps vacation rental owners create successful businesses. She discusses the challenges of being a single mom and navigating her daughter's bipolar disorder, as well as the impact of COVID on her business. Jodie's story is a testament to the power of taking risks and not settling for less!
Reminder: The doors to the She Doesn’t Settle group program are OPEN! I’ve just recently launched an official website for it, that includes all the details and a link for you to schedule a call to discuss/learn more. Make sure you check it out here.
Website
Instagram
She Doesn't Settle Program
In this episode, I discuss the importance of prioritizing health and well-being. Let's explore decluttering our lives, setting boundaries with technology, delegating tasks, removing tasks that no longer serve them, and creating space for high-priority goals.
Also, I'd love it if you joined our group program for support in achieving your goals while prioritizing health.
Website
Instagram
She Doesn't Settle Program
In this episode of the She Doesn't Settle podcast, I dive into the topic of career dissatisfaction and its impact on overall well-being.
I explore the five main reasons why someone might be unhappy in their career, including burnout, challenges within the work environment, lack of excitement and purpose, a desire and curiosity to want something more/different, and dissatisfaction in other areas of life.
The importance of evaluating personal well-being, setting boundaries, seeking support, and considering small changes within one's current role is critical to taking that first step to be happier. I also discuss the significance of finding a career that aligns with values and motivates individuals and provide tactical strategies for further exploration and support. Join me as we navigate through these issues and empower listeners to find career fulfillment!
Website
She Doesn't Settle Program
Who you surround yourself with is one of the most important drivers of habits and behavior change.
New habits seem achievable when you see others doing them every day and seem nearly impossible if you’re surrounded by people doing the opposite. Therefore, you want to make sure that you are part of groups and communities that are doing things you aspire to do.
On this She Doesn’t Settle episode I’m sharing examples of groups, why who you surround yourself is so helpful in staying committed to your goals and habit changes, and, a story about a fish. (You’ve gotta listen to figure out what this has to do with the people you surround yourself with!)
Episode Links:
Website
Discovery Call
She Doesn’t Settle Program
This episode might seem simple, but remember -- just because something is simple doesn't mean it's easy.
If creating new habits and being consistent with them were easy, we'd be smashing goals left and right. The truth is, it's a heck of a lot easier to create 'bad' habits than the good ones and that's why in today's episode I'm sharing a few tips on how to make staying consistent as you build habits, easier.
It's a quickie, but a good one if you are in the midst of building new habits and have had trouble staying consistent.
As mentioned in the episode, I am taking on a couple of 1:1 clients and would love to work with you IF you want to prioritize your health and wellbeing, perhaps reverse burnout, while you work on pursuing your goals. You can email me at support@kellytravis.net or use the link below to schedule a 15 minute call.
Episode links:
Discovery call
SDS Group Program Waitlist
Website
Whether you're a procrastinator or a precrastinator, it's important to note as both can impact our ability to move effectively towards are goals.
In this episode I'm sharing what a precrastinator is (I didn't realize there was a 'name' for it until researching for this podcast!), the various 'types' of procrastinators (depending on where you do your research there is a range from 3-6 -- I'm sharing 4), and tips for how to stop or reduce your procrastinating or precrastinating.
This was a fun one to record and I hope you enjoy listening. I think you'll gain awareness into how your behaviors are impacting your progress towards your goals.
As mentioned in the episode, I am taking on a couple of 1:1 clients and would love to work with you IF you want to prioritize your health and wellbeing, perhaps reverse burnout, so you can feel your best and get back to pursuing your goals. You can email me at support@kellytravis.net or use the link below to schedule a 15 minute call.
Episode links:
Discovery call
Website
Why is it good to do things that scare you? What happens when you do? How do you start?
I'm answering those questions and more on today's episode.
I've always felt, in my own life, that it's important to me to do the things that scare me. It builds confidence, it pushes me to do things I might fail at, and the experiences provide me with so much insight (and joy)! So...I finallly went surfing -- something that I've been afraid of -- which is what prompted this conversation. And guess what? I'm so glad that I did it!
My hope is that after listening to this episode you'll get curious about what could happen if you did the thing that scares you -- even if it seems small.
Episode links:
Website
Discovery call
As Brene Brown has been known to say, when you avoid conflict to make peace with other people, you start a war within.
She’s not wrong.
For women, there's a myth that we're supposed to do it all (and do it perfectly). Saying no elicits a whole bunch of inner shame - and a whole lot of dialogue that isn’t nice: "Who do you think you are?" "You're not a very good [mother/partner/colleague/friend]."
On today’s She Doesn’t Settle podcast episode I’m hoping to remind you that when we set boundaries, when we dare to say “no”, we are acting in a way that allows us to care about ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.
We cannot base our own value on others' approval because it creates a war within (this is coming from someone who spent years trying to please everyone!).
When we learn to believe that we are enough, we can begin to say 'no', set boundaries, and prioritize our own time and needs.
You are entitled to your own time. To prioritizing your well-being and your goals. ❤️
Tune in to listen to the full episode.
P.S. Ready to prioritize yourself? I’m taking on two more 1-1 clients starting in July. I’d love to work with you. Schedule a 15-minute call here to learn more.
Episode Links:
Website
For many people, nothing feels better after a long and stressful day than hitting a good workout. When you’re overworked (or overstressed), it can be very therapeutic to break a sweat during a good strength training session or long run.
The latest science on exercise shows how intense workouts could actually be causing a different kind of stress: a physical kind. YES, movement is an important part of supporting the nervous system and overall health but too much, when already under stress, can further dysregulate the nervous system.
Today’s podcast episode will hopefully help you figure out whether you should rethink your workout routine --- or if you can keep on doing what you enjoy!
Episode Links:
1:1 Coaching
For many people, nothing feels better after a long and stressful day than hitting a good workout. When you’re overworked (or overstressed), it can be very therapeutic to break a sweat during a good strength training session or long run.
The latest science on exercise shows how intense workouts could actually be causing a different kind of stress: a physical kind. YES, movement is an important part of supporting the nervous system and overall health but too much, when already under stress, can further dysregulate the nervous system.
Today’s podcast episode will hopefully help you figure out whether you should rethink your workout routine --- or if you can keep on doing what you enjoy!
Episode links:
1:1 Coaching (Discovery Call)
Corporate Coaching
If you’ve ever thought “it’s too late” to make a change, whether in your career, relationships or health, today’s She Doesn’t Settle guest is proof that you can start over at any age.
Dr. Ati Hakimi MD was tired of working for a “sick care” system as a physician, and now she runs her own business called Vegas Direct Primary Care. Was she afraid to start over? Absolutely. But she found support as she worked to fulfill her dream of creating a healthcare offering that allows her to not only provide affordable, quality healthcare but ensure her own health and wellbeing.
She took back her ability to make a difference in people's lives, which she knows is her purpose.
To learn more about Ati’s journey launching her own healthcare business, it’s positive impact on her wellbeing and the unfortunate truths about the US healthcare system, tune in to hear the full episode here.
P.S. When you’re ready, here are a couple of ways we can work together:
- 1:1 coaching
- With your team or organization
Show links:
Vegas Direct Primary Care
Working inside a toxic organization or reporting to a boss who breathes toxicity is extremely difficult to endure and can ultimately wreak havoc on your wellbeing AND your confidence. Lately I’m seeing more and more articles and conversations about toxic workplaces (and boss’) — and I’m here for it. But, while companies are beginning to pay attention to the call outs and feedback, we’ve got a long way to go.
If you’re stuck in a toxic work environment or work for a toxic person, you may feel like your only option is to quit. But let’s be honest, not everyone has the luxury of being able to jump ship. If you’re like most people, you probably need to stick it out for awhile while you figure out your next move.
No problem, I’ve coached many individuals in this exact position… I’ve got you.
On this episode Kelly is sharing five actions you can take (that are within your control) so that you can navigate the situation and maintain your wellbeing.
P.S. Kelly is taking on a few new one-on-one clients starting in June and if you are in this situation, we can absolutely work on maintaining your wellbeing while figuring out your next step.
Schedule a 15 minute call to discuss right here.
Website
According to many "influencers" out there, in order to be successful and healthy you must have the perfect morning routine.
I say, ehh...that's a stretch.
If you’ve got a two hour long morning routine that makes you feel amazing and doesn’t stress you out — keep doing it. But, if you’ve been criticizing yourself for not doing anything in the morning other than getting up when your alarm goes off, that is more than okay.
The obsession with the perfect morning routine has gotten out of hand. Productivity involves higher-level decisions and more nuance than a rigid and ritualistic schedule to start your day. Not to mention, if you nail the morning but don’t have good habits in place the rest of they day, it kind of defeats the purpose.
On today’s She Doesn’t Settle episode, I’m diving into the benefits of routine, how a jam packed morning routine can lead to obsession or anxiety and how to create a morning routine that is best for YOU.
We all have different lifestyles, obligations and responsibilities, so our routines -- whether they are in the morning or the evening -- will vary, and that's okay.
Episode Links:
Website
Schedule a Discovery Call
Toward the end of her career with the courts, Jodi Latuszek had achieved what she thought she “wanted”. She had a big title, a nice paycheck, and was working with the law. However, she was working so many hours that she wasn’t "present" with her family. She carried two phones and frequently took calls early in the morning and after hours--failing to set boundaries out of fear.
Her health and relationships suffered.
During COVID, like most, she was remote and her kids had a front row seat to everything related to her work and the culture. One day, her oldest daughter said, "you don't seem happy." And, according to Jodi, she was right.
From that moment, Jodi started looking for a fresh start where she could renew boundaries and focus on her passion for using the law to help people. That's how she found out about "purpose driven" companies.
She admits, the transition from working herself to the ground to having a healthier balance between work and life — was hard. She had allowed her previous role to be her identity and had to get to know herself all over again. Turns out-- she likes herself.
Tune in to hear about Jodi’s professional background as a lawyer, her transition into a new role and what it took to make that change.
Episode Links:
Website
YouTube
When it comes to goal setting, accountability means being held responsible for the effort you put into working towards your goals. Some people have resistance around the word — feeling as if it implies you are “less than” if you need accountability to succeed.
And you know what I say? That couldn't be further from the truth.
When we view accountability as an essential piece of the overall plan to achieving a goal, it can create a sense of ownership and satisfaction that leads to hitting milestones and increasing your ability to achieve your desired goals.
In today’s She Doesn’t Settle episode, I’m talking — you guessed it — all about accountability.
In this discussion you’ll learn, what accountability is, why it works, how to get out of your own way (so you can use accountability effectively) and how to find accountability outside of yourself. You’ll also hear me talk about 4 things that will help you stay accountable, whether you have support or you’re doing it yourself.
And…if you’re interested in my new group program, send me an email at support@kellytravis.net with the subject “Beta Test”.
Episode Links:
Website
Self Complexity is a research term that refers to having multiple solid components to your identity.
According to psychologist Patricia Linville, who created the concept of self-complexity, identities can include context-dependent social roles, relationships, activities, physical features, and goals of the individual.
Today on the podcast I'm discussing how having many identities is beneficial to our ability to endure challenges, manage stress and feel better about ourselves. (Hello, that's a good thing!)
So, if you tend to place all your eggs in one basket (or identity) make sure you tune in to learn why having a lot of baskets is the way to go. You'll also hear from me on how to enhance your self-complexity!
**If you're interested in participating in the Beta Test for my new program, be sure to send me an email @ kelly@kellytravis.net or a DM through social media @withkellytravis
Kelly's website
Free Discovery Call
The WHO included burnout in it’s international classification of diseases in 2019, describing it as a syndrome conceptualized as resulting from chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed. It is characterized by energy depletion, mental distance from ones job, and reduced professional efficacy
And here’s the thing, it isn’t just an employee problem, it’s an organization problem that involves the organization helping with a solution.
Burnout is on the rise because we’re ignoring the major, engrained factors that are the real causes of burnout. It’s not about the people.
Yes, yoga, wellness apps, vacation time and EAP’s a wonderful benefits that help people feel better, but when it comes to preventing burnout — these tools are NOT the solution.
Listen to today’s She Doesn’t Settle episode to learn more about the causes of burnout and a few things you can do that are in your control.
Show Links:
Burnout workshop
Work with Kelly
Today on the show we are joined by “passionate do gooder” and dog lover, Stacey Wedding. Stacey is a past client and friend, who has made great strides both personally and professionally. While she has found tremendous success as the owner of The Stacey Wedding Group, supporting nonprofit leaders and their boards, it’s her resilience that is most admirable.
At the age of two Stacey was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes, and has since navigated life with this chronic health condition. She has endured many doctor visits, tests and trials and even insecurities about her illness. Her desire to give back to her community and those who struggle with their own health issues, not only stems from the examples of her parents but from her own experiences.
Stacey is one hell of a woman and it was an honor to have her as a guest on the She Doesn’t Settle podcast. Please tune in to here her full story and to see what’s next for Stacey.
Stacey's website 1:1 Coaching with Kelly
Kelly's Instagram
In today’s episode, I’m discussing one of the silent killers of happiness: expectations. Typically this comes up in my coaching, whether with individuals or teams, as we humans have a tendency to put a lot of weight on what other people think about us or expect from us. And, this shouldn’t come as much of a surprise, when we default to trying to live up to expectations (whether they are real or perceived), we end up unhappy with our choices and afraid to make a change.
So, if you are someone who has found yourself trying to live up to expectations — whether in your career, relationships or other parts of your life — this episode is for you. I’m not only talking about why this is unhelpful but also what you can do to take the fist steps to ditch the people pleasing and go after what YOU want.
Did you hear about the She Doesn’t Settle Coffee Blend?! It’s a delicious blend that is both subtle and strong…and I want to send some to you! If you’re a coffee drinker and want a free bag of beans, all you have to do is rate and review the podcast and you’ll be entered into a drawing to win. I’ll be announcing the winners a week from when this episode drops, so be sure to tune in and hear if your name is picked!
I’ve also opened up five, one-on-one coaching spots that I haven't had open in a while. If you're interested, you can send me an email or you can complete the form below and then we’ll schedule a call to talk about the coaching process.
1:1 Coaching with Kelly
Corporate Work
Kelly's Instagram
Join me today as we have a very special guest, Jen Dufresne. Jen didn’t grow up thinking fitness would be her career, but after she joined the Flywheel team in 2012 and got a taste of what it could look like, she began to make the transition from finance to fitness. Like all She Doesn’t Settle stories, it wasn’t an easy journey and required a lot of grit and support, but today she is not only working full-time in fitness — she owns her own brick and mortar studio, Cross Conditioning Training.
Over the past eleven years, she's worked tirelessly to learn and experience everything she can about the industry. She is an AFAA Certified Personal Trainer, Spartan SGX Level 1 Coach and TRX Level 1 Certified. She most recently completed her ELDOA 1 and ELDOA 2 certification (classic spine decompression). Meanwhile, she continues to pursue her own fitness goals while raising her three girls.
Tune in to hear Jen’s full story and her dreams for the future.
Links from the episode:
She Doesn't Settle LIVE workshop
She Doesn't Settle Podcast The She Doesn’t Settle Assessment Kelly's Instagram Jen's website
Welcome back to the show! I'm excited about today's episode, because let's face it...conflict is a part of our lives. Whether it's in personal relationships or professional relationships, conflict comes up. This can be in inside organizations or one-on-one. We all have different points of views and experiences, and so that means that we're bound to disagree, right? We can learn from each other, but even so, it makes conflict pretty inevitable. But conflict doesn't need to be threatening to any type of relationship because if you figure out a way to sort through it in a healthy way, it actually makes relationships stronger.
I am diving into how to navigate conflict effectively for any number of personality types, taking into consideration enneagram types, in order to properly approach and then resolve conflict with someone. Let’s talk about the framework that's oriented around the nine core types. I promise you’ll be blown away by this and have a deeper understanding about yourself and how you handle conflict after listening.
P.S. If you're local to Las Vegas, I am partnering up with my friend Stephanie Frank, who is the co-founder of Frankly Good Coffee, and we are putting together a workshop called, you guessed it… She Doesn't Settle! It's about pursuing your goals without sacrificing your sanity, which if you're familiar with this podcast, you know, is a big part of what we do!
We've developed this workshop to help high achieving women take action in their personal and professional lives to stop settling and get what they want. It's going to be interactive and amazing and if you’re local to Vegas, it's free.
She Doesn't Settle LIVE workshop
She Doesn't Settle Podcast The She Doesn’t Settle Assessment Kelly's Instagram
On today’s episode I’m talking with my friend Erin Sprague, and I can’t wait for you to get to know her as we talk about her personal and professional journey.
Erin is the Head of Marketing at Mill Industries, a consumer technology start-up that has built a new system to prevent waste, starting with food. Before getting into sustainability, Erin built world-class brands in the outdoor industry as the Chief Brand Officer at Aspen Skiing Company; VP of Marketing at Sir Richard Branson’s Virgin Sport; and Global Head of Women’s Brand and Product at Specialized Bicycles. She lives and plays with her husband and two daughters in Boulder, Colorado.
We discuss her realization that what she went to college for wasn’t what she wanted to continue to do (and how she managed her mindset so she could pursue what she really wanted), how listening to her intuition played into later job transitions, and how she hasn’t followed traditional definitions of success — and why that’s severed her both personally and professionally. I adore Erin and appreciated this conversation so much. If you’re looking for real talk navigating career goals and transitions (and cross country moves), the importance of consistency over being a hero, and juggling pursuits while raising kiddos — be sure to tune in.
- How growth mindset leads to purpose and meaning and how to overcome a fixed mindset
- Job transitions and how I she made those decisions
- Finding the definition of success that works for you
- How to appreciate our seasons of life
She Doesn't Settle Podcast
The She Doesn’t Settle Assessment
Instagram: www.instagram.com/shedoesntsettle/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/withkellytravis/
Erin's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/erin_sprague
Mill: https://mill.com/
Starting over in any area of your life can feel extra difficult. You have the challenge of going after a goal and also have to contend with the added mental gymnastics that comes with attempting something again. It’s easy to want to compare yourself to the you in the past. And guess what, it doesn’t help!
It isn't about getting back to exactly where you were before. You can't work towards the past. You can only work towards the future.
So on today’s episode Kelly is sharing 4 rules for successfully starting over in any area of your life.
Whether your attempting to make a career change, starting to dip your toe back into the dating pool following a long term relationship, revisiting a health goal that fell by the wayside because things got busy — this episode is for you. You can start over and be successful and it’s starts with being kind to yourself!
Topics Discussed:
- Ditch the bitch and accept where you are.
- Pay attention to where you are right now.
- Needing people to reach your goal is okay.
- Practicing new habits to form new ones.
- Remembering to breathe and keep moving forward.
Follow Me:
She Doesn't Settle Podcast
The She Doesn’t Settle Assessment
She Doesn't Settle Instagram
Personal Instagram
Crime against women is on the rise, and it's something we all need to be aware of so we can protect ourselves. That's where today's guest, Joy Hoover, comes in.
With 13 years of experience as a safety activist, she and her husband, Phil, are leading a movement of humans who give a shit. From helping victims of human trafficking and domestic and sexual violence all the way to giving women tools to protect themselves while they are out.
Her biggest project is a new product that is coming out in Spring of 2023 - Liquid Lipstick. The lipstick features an airtight container with test strips to detect common date-rape drugs in drinks. It also has a button that connects through Bluetooth to the company’s smartphone app, which will send alerts to trusted contacts and/or authorities.
Tune in to hear about Joy's background and what led her to this work, the work she has done to advocate for women's safety, and what to expect from Esoes Cosmetics.
Topics Discussed In This Episode:
- Joy’s back story of who is and what she’s up to today
- The stats regarding women’s safety in the US
- Why Joy and her husband decided to venture into safety work together
- How Joy created Esoes Cosmetics
- Highlighting the crime epidemic and changing it through Esoes Mission
Follow Joy:
Esoes Cosmetics Website- Pre Order Liquid Lipstick
Esoes Cosmetics Instagram
Follow Me:
She Doesn't Settle Podcast
The She Doesn’t Settle Assessment
She Doesn't Settle Instagram
Personal Instagram
In today’s episode, I am just super excited to welcome the truly remarkable Erin Keller to the podcast. Erin is a woman of many, many accomplishments in her life who has spent 20 plus years raising funds for worthy causes throughout her time in higher education, and is currently the Vice President of the Division of Advancement for Nevada State College. In this position, she leads a dynamic team that handles a vast number of responsibilities including development, alumni and community relations, marketing and communications, and event and creative services. I am also so pleased to note that Erin and I have enjoyed the opportunity to work together during her stellar career.
Throughout our conversation here today, we discuss the importance of support and strategy in achieving personal and professional goals, and Erin shares information about both her career and future plans. She also goes on to discuss her current role at the college, and her aspirations to teach full-time and eventually retire. Erin then recounts her experiences with her mental health, of getting divorced and how it led her to focus on finding joy in her life, and, together, we delve into the subject of raising children and the challenges that come with it. Join us today for this inspiring examination of career aspirations, self-discovery, and the importance of self-care and joy in our lives.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Details about the She Doesn't Settle Group program
- Erin Keller and her journey to self-discovery and putting herself first
- Breaking out of the mold of the "good mom, good wife, good worker"
- The role that gratitude plays for her
- Not settling for the life you think you’re supposed to live
- The journey of working through mental health challenges
- Her aspirations to teach full-time and eventually retire
- Erin’s experience of getting divorced
- The episode touches on the subject of raising children and the challenges that come with it
- The importance of self-care and joy in one's life
- Erin’s plans fo the future
- Saying ‘Yes’ to yourself and what will make you happy
Quotes:
"I want you to have support and a strategy and an understanding of who you are and what you want so that this year, 2023, can be the year that you get shit done, that you make a major change, that you stop settling."
"I was no longer just one of many, I was leading many. And that changed the dynamic of my world too"
"I ground myself every morning in gratitude and that's something that I've never done before."
"I am grateful that I took the step to put myself first."
"So it's not a short term look. This college has so much potential to grow, and it's so much fun to be a part of it."
"I got divorced a year ago, and I think there was a year for me to really focus on myself, focus on what makes me happy"
"I made the decision to say ‘Yes' to myself and what was going to feed my soul."
Links:
She Doesn't Settle Podcast
The She Doesn’t Settle Assessment
Instagram: www.instagram.com/shedoesntsettle/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/withkellytravis/
It’s the first month of 2023, which means it’s time to not only reflect on the absolute blur of time over the past couple years, but also dive into the important topic of acknowledging what to leave behind and take forward into this new year. It’s also a good time to remind you all about the open enrollment for my She Doesn’t Settle program, which helps you identify areas in your life where you may be settling and guides you in taking steps towards personal and professional growth. It’s so important for all of us to reflect on our own experiences and you are cordially invited to access the link in the show notes and complete the assessment so that I can personally reach out to you and understand what kind of shift you may want to make in your life.
Throughout the episode I also discuss the importance of setting a theme for the year, which serves as a guide for personal and professional growth while tracking and measuring progress. I’ll provide examples of possible themes like wellness, adventure, managing mindset, growth etc., and emphasize that the theme should support the goals you want to achieve and should be something that can cover all areas of your life. It is an intentional word or phrase that is set to guide one's decision making and progress which ultimately helps you grow. So listen in today and let’s embrace this new year of not settling together!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- The blur of time since 2020
- Looking back at the past years
- Acknowledging what to leave behind and take with you in the new year
- Enrollment for The She Doesn't Settle program
- The assessment that helps individuals identify what they want to change and move forward.
- Kelly’s new Instagram handle
- The importance of reflection and goal setting in the new year
- Setting a theme for the year
- Some examples of themes
- Taking care of yourself
Quotes:
- "And in moving into a new year, we do a lot of reflecting when we're ready."
- "I want to remind you that you can do you."
- "I do believe in utilizing the prior year to help us think about what we want."
- "Maybe just think about those two things and what you want to leave behind."
- "The doors are open for the She Doesn't Settle Program."
- "It really just helps you identify where you might be settling and what could potentially help you move through that."
- "Creating a theme allows you to grow throughout the year."
- "For me, I'm toying around with the word ‘connection’."
- "The theme should be something that can cover all areas of one's life."
- "It is an intentional word or phrase that is set to guide one's decision making and progress."
Links:
She Doesn't Settle Podcast
The She Doesn’t Settle Assessment
Instagram: www.instagram.com/shedoesntsettle/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/withkellytravis/
One-on-One Coaching & Group Sessions
In today’s episode, I am so excited to welcome my very special guest Aviva Gordon to discuss the process of making changes in one's life and not settling for less. Aviva is a highly successful super lawyer who, among her many, many other achievements, has been included in the Distinguished Women of Nevada Book, is a member of the Nevada Women’s Hall of Fame and the Bar Register of Preeminent Lawyers, and has been the chairperson for the Henderson Chamber of Commerce. She is also the mother to three children, enjoys a full life outside of her work, and just happens to be a past client of mine.
Throughout the episode, we will delve into the challenges and rewards of recognizing and addressing areas in which we may be settling in our lives. We also discuss the importance of slowing down and taking stock of our progress, as well as the steps we can take to make meaningful change. Together, Aviva and I draw upon our own personal experiences and the strategies we have learned to effectively deal with negative self-talk and toxic thoughts and share this valuable information with listeners here today. Aviva is also the perfect guest to have on the podcast as I share some news about the She Doesn't Settle Group program, which is currently open for enrollment, and a new program for past clients to continue their work with more accountability and support.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Kelly’s program for past clients
- Aviva’s experience in the She Doesn't Settle Group program and the changes she has made in her life since participating
- Recognizing and addressing areas in which we may be settling in our lives
- Slowing down and taking stock of our progress
- Being aware of and managing one's inner dialogue
- What has helped develop skills for recognizing and responding to toxic self talk
- The purpose or function of negative inner dialogue
- Strategies for effectively dealing with negative self talk and toxic thoughts
Quotes:
"As you may know from listening to this podcast, the She Doesn't Settle Group program is open for enrollment and you can use the link in the show notes to take the assessment to identify what areas you may be settling in and what that is doing in terms of impacting other areas of your life and what you need to do to make change and how to start."
"We are all a work in progress. That's why I want to offer something to past clients, so we can continue to do the work not at the level in terms of time that the She Doesn't Settle program offers, but definitely consistent support and opportunity for that."
"Aviva speaks directly to this [making changes in your life and not settling]. She is an amazing person, very successful in her field of work, driven, ambitious. You'll relate to her."
"And most importantly, what you taught me was you can talk back to it. What was great about what you had done with us was prepare us to talk back to it. When the voice says this, how are you going to respond to it?”
"If there is nothing else that I can talk about from going through your program, it really is having the skills to recognize that toxic self talk and to confront it is still in my head. It's always going to go away. That's never going to go away."
"There is a reason that we have that. But it doesn't mean that you have to believe it, and it doesn't mean you have to listen to it all the time."
“Processing of what it was that some of the other women were sharing, and really the vulnerability that we all allowed ourselves to feel in that context, I suspect was something unique for all of us - to allow ourselves to be vulnerable and to really safely and collaboratively tease out whatever it was that was happening. “
“What I appreciate and what served the sort of logical part of my brain is that the information that you provide and the help that you provide is science based.”
Links:
She Doesn't Settle Podcast
She Doesn’t Settle - The Experience
Instagram: www.instagram.com/shedoesntsettle/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/withkellytravis/
One-on-One Coaching & Group Sessions
We’re switching things up on this holiday episode of She Doesn’t Settle. My good friend and creative genius, Kelly Bennett, suggested a few weeks back that I should be interviewed on my own podcast, so that’s just what we did today. You’re going to love Kelly - she’s a great interviewer who asks some really wonderful questions that just might shed some further light on who I am and why I do what I do. So listen in as Kelly and I discuss the present, losing faith in quick fixes, and familiar myths about ambitious women.
Today’s episode was certainly a fun one for me. With Kelly B playing the role of host, we thought it would be helpful to share a few of my many She Doesn’t Settle moments. Battling an eating disorder and leaving a toxic marriage (with 2 little ones in tow) are just a couple of the many experiences I have overcome and which I share with the audience today. As a Type A individual who used to feel like she wasn’t doing enough, but who went on to become the strong woman who now celebrates the little wins, I want to show you that there is hope for all of us, even if it doesn’t feel that way. Most importantly, though, I want to remind you all that it isn’t too late to change, and quite frankly it never will be.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- The impact of settling
- Kelly’s catalyst
- Career and relationship challenges
- Focusing on today
- Why it’s not too late
- Myths about ambition and sacrifice
- Losing faith in quick fixes
- Finding what motivates you
- Celebrating little wins
Quotes:
‘I was so obsessed with the validation of succeeding, of showing my worth, and my value that I didn't even hear the, ‘You're not happy… You're settling in these areas.”
“I never actually did that internal work to recover. So for the next 12 years, I still battled with the eating disorder. I relapsed multiple times and just really struggled with letting go and being able to recover. It wasn't until I got pregnant with my first son where I really realized, ‘Okay, holy sh*t, Kelly, you have got to figure this out.’”
“Anybody who's been in an abusive relationship knows that it's really easy to feel like it's your fault, because they do a good job of making you think it's your fault.”
“We do a really good job of convincing ourselves that we should have already done it; Like there's no time anymore. I'm sorry, but unless you are like 95, and maybe even that is not a fair statement, you can still make change.”
“The Enneagram has been a part of my coaching practice for the last three years because it is a tool that allows me to understand who I'm working with, but also to support my clients in understanding who they are, validating who they are.”
“We are conditioned to set goals based on what society tells us we should want or what is ingrained in us from childhood.”
“I will tell you that those little goals lead to very big changes, because both of those women ended up making even bigger leaps with other parts of their lives as a result of these small goals.”
“How awesome is it that you don't have to do it alone anymore? For so many ambitious women, we tend to take everything on ourselves.”
Links:
She Doesn't Settle Podcast
She Doesn’t Settle - The Experience
Instagram: www.instagram.com/shedoesntsettle/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/withkellytravis/
One-on-One Coaching & Group Sessions
It’s Never Too Late
In this week’s brief episode of the She Doesn’t Settle podcast, I want to talk to you all about that sense of dread we feel when we fear our dreams are overdue. As I record this episode, I’m about to lace up to run another marathon. And that’s no small feat given my toxic relationship with the sport during my collegiate career. Many of my listeners might not know that I developed a severe eating disorder that ended my collegiate career. The point is that it took me years to overcome an illness and return to the sport that once brought me so much joy.
I, like most adults in their 40s, 50s, and 60s, was tired of listening to the voice in my head that said it was too late to pursue my dreams or even start pursuing a new one. I had to give myself grace to start over. So as I’m about to return to another race, I figured that now was a good time to remind you that, no matter how many setbacks you’ve had, it isn’t too late. So listen to today’s episode as I tell my story, and use it to inspire yours. And last but not least, remember that, even though your goal may seem far away, the messy middle is where the magic happens - don’t forget to enjoy the journey along the way.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- My toxic collegiate career
- Overcoming an eating disorder
- Returning to running
- Shifting dreams
- Enjoying the process
Quotes:
“By the end of my freshman year, he had written up a contract for me. And he said, ‘Travis, if you lose X amount of weight by the time you come back in the fall, you will get x, y and z.”
“Every time I tried to return to running or racing competitively, I would relapse. So I stopped racing all together.”
“And from that I had something to prove. I had to walk away from my running career way too soon, not in the way I wanted to.”
“I've really been able to prove to myself that it's never too late to go after those old dreams or to create new ones, and we can change what those dreams look like to fit where we are in our life. It's never too late.”
“That messy middle is really where all the magic happens. That's where you prove to yourself over and over again how badass you are.”
Links:
She Doesn't Settle Podcast
She Doesn’t Settle - The Experience: www.kellytravis.net/sds
Instagram: www.instagram.com/shedoesntsettle/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kellythealth/
One-on-One Coaching & Group Sessions
On this week’s episode of the She Doesn’t Settle podcast, I talk about expectations, what happens when we fail to meet them, and why we often pursue the wrong goals. Have you ever set a goal or had high expectations for yourself that you never realized? Chances are it didn’t make you feel good, and you probably beat yourself up for it. The thing is when expectations differ from reality, we let it derail us completely. Sometimes we even reach our goal and realize that we’re no happier than we were when we started working towards it. It turns out that many of us don’t know how to set sustainable goals, and that’s just what I want to talk about today.
In today's episode, I walk you through healthy ways to set goals and expectations and the value of resilience. See, real growth takes place when plans go awry–when you're gasping for air while running that marathon or not getting the raise you think you deserve. It’s all about how you learn from these lessons and navigate their roadblocks. So instead of expecting perfection in your life, welcome adaptability, redirection, and resilience with open arms. Most importantly though, join me on today’s She Doesn’t Settle episode to hear about some of my great failures, a certain someone’s Thanksgiving meltdown, and how you too can start pursuing the right goals.
The Finer Details of this Episode:
- When expectations differ from reality
- Pursuing the wrong goals
- Setting realistic and sustainable goals
- Adaptive expectations
- When plans go awry
- Learning resilience
Quotes:
“We can have everything planned out and try to nail it. Sometimes everything falls apart, or other stuff is going on; things get derailed. It happens. So we can either shame ourselves, get mad at ourselves and fall apart, or we roll with it.”
“If we have this idea of what is going to happen, and I'll walk through some examples, then we expect that thing to happen. And then what if it doesn't? Expectations are what we think will happen, and reality is what actually happens. While we hope these two will be the same, they often are not.”
“Having a set idea of what you want or need from a situation is another way that expectations play out.”
“Your expectations may cause you to think that achieving certain goals will bring joy, satisfaction, and all of those things. Sometimes, these predictions are wrong, which means that we're pursuing the wrong goals.”
“He kept saying, ‘I never want to do this again. I don't want to do this again next year.’ Because at that moment, his experience was so bad. But we can't let one derail experience– one expectation that was not met - keep us from continuing to move forward.”
“I think it's important to note and acknowledge that sometimes our expectations, when we do meet them, don't actually give us the feelings that we thought we were going to get. And that's a harsh reality.”
“Whether you succeed or fail, your overall expectation should simply be to learn as you go, to navigate those nasty barriers, and to pivot and move forward.”
Links:
She Doesn't Settle Podcast
She Doesn’t Settle - The Experience: www.kellytravis.net/sds
Instagram: www.instagram.com/shedoesntsettle/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kellythealth/
One-on-One Coaching & Group Sessions
She Doesn’t Settle Assessment
Hi there, everyone! Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of the She Doesn’t Settle podcast. Today, I’d like to talk to you about the power of community. If you’re currently a part of a healthy community, then you already know very well the difference it can make in your life. Being a part of a community can lift you up when you’re down, it can push you to become a better version of yourself, and it can support you on your path to success. That being said, when you don’t have anyone in your life to be there for you and cheer you on, it can be detrimental to your mental health. That’s why it’s absolutely vital to find your tribe.
In this episode, I talk about my new ‘She Doesn’t Settle’ group program, where I gather strong women who want to take their lives to another level together. Whether you want to get unstuck, make a big career shift or work on your self-image, you will have a much better chance of success if you have support along the way. And that’s exactly what the ‘She Doesn’t Settle’ program is here for. If you want to hear more about it as well as learn about the most significant benefits of being a part of a supportive community, make sure you join me in this week’s episode!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- ‘She Doesn’t Settle’ group program
- The importance of community
- The benefits of being a part of a healthy community
- Lifting each other up
Quotes:
“I didn't realize how much I needed community until a certain time in my life when I was trying to make change, create change, and having the right support system. Having the right people at that time is so helpful.”
“Our communities can either make us or break us.”
“What I love about community is that our strengths may be someone else's weaknesses and vice versa. ”
“We need to make sure that we're surrounded by people who are cheering for us, who aren't selfishly going to try to sabotage or hold us back.”
“With so much stress in this chaotic world we are living in, there's never been a more important time to have support when you are struggling or when you are working on something hard and scary.”
“What will happen if you don't, if you just keep staying safe and stuck? What will happen a year from now, two years from now?”
Links:
She Doesn't Settle Podcast
She Doesn’t Settle Application
One-on-One Coaching
Hi there, everyone! Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of the She Doesn’t Settle podcast. Today, I’d like to share with you an important lesson, and it’s about the importance of doing hard things in life. Let’s face it, nobody wants to do the hard thing. It’s natural that you want to pick the easy path in life; after all, you’re wired this way. Your brain wants to protect you from danger, and it’s designed to keep you safe. So, when you’re faced with a scary challenge or an uncomfortable decision, your brain will want to keep you as far away from it as possible. However, sometimes you need to do those hard things in life to be happy and healthy.
This week, I’d like to share with you the biggest benefits of leaving your comfort zone and doing those uncomfortable things. Even though staying in your comfort zone seems nice and cozy at first, nothing ever grows there. So, if you want to build new skills and reach new levels of excellence, you need to challenge yourself more. In this episode, I’m also going to give you some practical tips for tackling hard things and growing outside of your comfort zone, so if you’re ready to grow, let’s go!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- ‘She Doesn’t Settle’ group program
- Growing outside of your comfort zone
- The importance of doing hard things
- Changing your perspective and challenging yourself
Quotes:
“Just because you're not good at something is not a reason not to do it. In fact, it's probably a really good reason to do it so that you can get better and you can show yourself that you can do something and get better. ”
“There's something called the hedonic principle, which comes into play; we're wired to move toward things that make us feel good, and we're wired to move away from things that make us feel uncomfortable.”
“When we move through life, it's important to remember that the easiest path isn't usually the best path. ”
“When we do hard things, it just builds resilience.”
“We have to remind ourselves that as we progress, what we think is hard now is going to seem easy later.”
“You're giving your brain a choice, you're deciding, and you can make either decision. But whatever you decide, own that decision. What happens, though, is when you can articulate the benefit, what one means over the other, we can get our brain to understand why doing the challenging thing is better.”
Links:
She Doesn't Settle Podcast
She Doesn’t Settle - The Experience: www.kellytravis.net/sds
Instagram: www.instagram.com/shedoesntsettle/
One-on-One Coaching & Group Sessions
In today's episode, I want to talk about three key traits we all need to become our own best coaches: flexibility, self observation, and support. As a woman who wears many hats, namely those of mom, entrepreneur, athlete, and host, it’s important to me to support others and myself. And what I’ve learned is that giving yourself advice is more often than not the hardest thing to do. At the end of the day, we are our harshest critics. So that’s why today I want to talk about listening to our minds and bodies, balancing flexibility and discipline, and most importantly, supporting ourselves.
I discuss small and big changes you can make in your daily life to help you grow and glow. From writing plans in pencil and honest reflection skills to the pitfalls of positivity and disciplined flexibility, I speak very candidly about self-coaching, because I know how challenging it can be. So listen in today, not only to learn about how you can become your biggest ally, but also about a very special program starting in January.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- The value of flexibility with discipline
- Writing plans in pencil
- Self observation
- The importance of honest reflection
- Being supportive
Quotes:
“I want you to be the coach you need, because inevitably, we are usually better to others than we are to ourselves.”
“Because when we're rigid, it goes against our ability to grow; it goes against our ability to move forward, because we get stuck in that. And that is not helpful for anybody. And so what I want you to remember is nothing is set in stone.”
“So be honest with your response, and then decide what you want to do with that information. So if you're exhausted and just feeling mentally spent, then maybe you know, take a break.”
“I am the kind of person who's going to go hard all the time until I hit that wall. I've done it before. It's just who I am. It's my makeup. So I have to have these guardrails in place.”
“Peace begins with me.”
“Remember to practice self-observation. Tune in, be honest with how you're feeling– how you're doing. Try not to judge, use that information, and do something with it.”
“Be flexible around your plan, right, not rigid. You can still be disciplined and flexible at the same time.”
Links:
She Doesn't Settle Podcast
She Doesn’t Settle - The Experience: www.kellytravis.net/sds
Instagram: www.instagram.com/shedoesntsettle/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kellythealth/
One-on-One Coaching & Group Sessions
In this week’s episode, I not only introduce a new development to replace ASCEND, I also review basics on how to recognize if you may be settling. Chances are, if you listen to this podcast regularly, you might be familiar with a few areas in your life that you’re working on or at least want to. And today that’s just what I want to talk to you all about. There are many times in life where we settle for mediocrity, and that can be okay, but when it starts to sabotage our growth or happiness, we have a problem. More often than not this manifests itself in our daily behaviors: namely feeling fatigued, playing the blame game, paying lip service, and engaging in toxic positivity.
If we wait for the perfect moment to start chasing dreams, we’ll never even get to start. At least, if we start working toward our goals and fail, we’ll be further along than if we hadn’t tried at all. Embracing that ‘Just Do It’ attitude can be scary though. With toxic positivity all over Instagram’s feed it can be hard to feel motivated, but at the end of the day you deserve more. So if any of the above sounds like you, we’ve got just the episode on deck today.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Settling for mediocrity
- Sabotaging growth
- Fatigue
- Delaying change
- The Blame Game
- Too much talk
- Fear with a capital ‘F’
- Toxic positivity
- Why you deserve more
Quotes:
“When we think about not settling, we come to this realization that maybe what we were working towards before wasn't actually what we wanted.”
“We are humans and humans are terrified of change, of failure, of taking risks. This is one of the main reasons people do settle in life. It's not about unrealistic goals or perfection, it's about changing the things you can to be happy.”
“So it's a great way to avoid failure, but a terrible way to live a satisfying life. The time is never going to be perfect. In fact, the timing is probably never going to be good. Waiting for a time that is never going to arrive will keep you stuck forever. So you have to act now.”
“When you catch yourself saying, ‘I can't do that, I'm not good enough for that’ Give yourself a little slap in the face— try to catch those thoughts, and think of something else that's more helpful.”
“We've got to think less and do more.”
“Excuses come from fear. It's our way of protecting ourselves, because maybe you believe that if you fail, your dream will die. But that dream is what keeps you going every day, right? You don't have to accept failure as an option. You can keep going after your goal no matter what. Even if you don't get all the way there, you'll be further along than if you didn't try at all.”
Links:
She Doesn't Settle Podcast
She Doesn’t Settle - The Experience: www.kellytravis.net/sds
Instagram: www.instagram.com/shedoesntsettle/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kellythealth/
One-on-One Coaching & Group Sessions
On a very special episode of the She Doesn’t Settle podcast, my guest is Melissa Lyons West, a thoroughly remarkable woman who joins me to discuss her experience growing up in a Fundamentalist cult and her brave decision to ultimately leave. Melissa opens up the episode by detailing the repressive environment that is living in a commune and why it wasn’t until she met another woman who challenged her own beliefs that everything she believed to be true started to unravel. Before abandoning life in the commune, Melissa struggled with suicidal ideations, depression, physical abuse, and severe backlash if she chose to stray from the Fundamentalist Baptist norm.
Since then, she’s put in a lot of mental health work, raised children trauma-free with her husband, and even started coaching other women with similar backgrounds. And that’s not to say that it all came easily. On her journey to freedom she made her way to Thailand and back, suffered the loss of her mother, and had to work through intense bouts of denial. So today, she talks about all that and then some. Most importantly, she talks about borrowing courage, especially when you don’t have any yourself. With that said, join us today to hear about Melissa’s incredibly inspiring story and learn why she is no longer willing to sacrifice herself to make others feel comfortable.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Why Melissa’s sharing of her story felt like reclaiming her power
- Why repressive environments are breeding grounds for abuse
- Questioning her own beliefs
- Struggling with suicidal ideations and postpartum depression
- Denying that she lived in a cult
- Visiting her sick sister in Thailand
- Abandoning her life in Baltimore for Salt Lake City
- Melissa’s work coaching other women
- Borrowing courage
- Having the freedom to explore her marriage completely
Quotes:
“She was born and raised in a cult. And at 30 years old, she finally left. And through her story, you can hear how challenging that whole experience was, and still is today, even eight years later.”
“We had this old 40 acre farm, and it had some tobacco barns on it that we had turned into church buildings.”
“So some of us got out at the same time. And that was really helpful for me to kind of have somebody who knew the fear that we were working through and kind of have it to bounce off.”
“She would just say whatever she felt. She was incredibly kind - not nice. Like, I know nice; I was raised to be nice. But she was genuinely kind, and she just did whatever she wanted. I was like, ‘I don't understand this. I don't understand what is happening. But I love it. I'm scared. I love it.’”
“I had all these glimpses of freedom, but I didn't know how to get out. I didn't know what to do.”
“The day before I left, I was on the floor having a panic attack. So I had had a lot of panic attacks in my life just under this extreme pressure. But I hadn't had them in a few months, because I was really starting to speak my truth and let it out. And so it kind of took me by surprise, and I remember I just curled up, can't breathe and my sister just so bluntly, saying, ‘You better figure this shit out, or you're gonna get sick just like me.’”
“Everybody's out to one degree or another. Some people have left religion altogether, some have found something that works better for them. But everyone is out of the fundamentalist, very controlling aspect.”
“I'm not willing to pretend or give up a part of who I am. To make somebody else comfortable. I did that for 35 years.”
“I have five values, five core values that run through everything: freedom, self-care, vulnerability, joy and happiness, and the divine feminine power within me.”
“When I came back home, I had a relapse and mental health relapse. And I found myself going back to those those suicidal ideation of just like how do I escape this pain.”
Links:
She Doesn't Settle Podcast
She Doesn’t Settle - The Experience: www.kellytravis.net/sds
Instagram: www.instagram.com/shedoesntsettle/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kellythealth/
One-on-One Coaching & Group Sessions
Melissa's Homepage
Melissa on Instagram
Hi there, friends! And thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of the She Doesn’t Settle podcast. This week, I’d like to talk to you about leadership. And no, this won’t be your typical ‘how to become a leader’ type of episode. Today, we’re actually scratching beneath the surface and diving deep into the concept of leadership. We’re going to touch upon some common beliefs that hold people back from being leaders, the concept of leading from anywhere you are, and how to demonstrate your leadership skills even if you don’t have the C-suite title.
The first thing you should know about leadership is that you don’t need to have any title whatsoever to be a leader. Leadership is not about titles or positions; it’s about influencing and empowering others. That means you can lead from any level. As a matter of fact, you can have so much more impact from the middle of an organization than from the top. Don’t believe me? Then, you’re going to want to hear the rest of this episode! Make sure you join me today to learn about John Maxwell’s three principles of the 360 Degree Leader, five ways to show up as a leader, and the concept of leading from any position.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Beliefs that hold you back
- John Maxwell’s three principles of leadership
- Five ways to show up as a leader
- Leading from where you are
Quotes:
“Just because you don't have a title, that doesn't mean you're not a leader.”
“When you believe you can improve the organization from anywhere you're at, you're going to do what it takes to help the company, your team, yourself, accomplish your goals; that's what's most important. And that's what contributes to being a good leader.”
“When people see that you're a leader who wants them to grow and reach their goals, you have major cheerleaders there.”
“We all know that many people try to shift blame and make excuses. Those are not great leaders. Great leaders take ownership of problems, and they work to find the lessons and the solutions.”
“Leadership calls for being able to get the job done in an effective and efficient way.”
“You don't have to have the C-suite level title to make an impact, to lead. And sometimes leading from the middle feels a hell of a lot better than being at the top.”
Links:
She Doesn't Settle Podcast
She Doesn’t Settle - The Experience: www.kellytravis.net/sds
Instagram: www.instagram.com/shedoesntsettle/
One-on-One Coaching & Group Sessions
The 360 Degree Leader by John Maxwell
Today, I am joined by two very special guests that you are absolutely going to love.
Ellen Kocher is a Swiss-American economist and certified Workplace Wellness Consultant and Holistic Health Coach. Dominique Ben Dhaou has been working in human resources leadership for over 30 years. She helps professionals and executives reinvent careers that truly fit their experience, values, skills and purpose.
Together, these remarkable women have created Wake-Up, Shake-Up, Thrive - their business and now their book as well - which you will hear all about here today. Along the way, they will share their journey toward working together, ageism and its impact, and how social media is changing the conversation about aging. They also review the benefits that come with aging, the five dimensions of well being, The Swiss Touch and The Green Thumb, and so much more. Do not pass up this golden opportunity to bask in the immense wisdom, knowledge, and advice that Dominique and Ellen have to share.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Ellen and Dominique’s personal and professional histories
- Wake Up, Shake Up Thrive - the business and the book
- How Ellen and Dominique came to work together
- Ageism and how it impacts business owners
- How social media is changing the way people talk about their age
- The increased experience and credibility that comes with age
- The five dimensions of well being
- The Swiss Touch and The Green thumb
Quotes:
“I have these people that come to me to change their job, and they're not well in their body, they don't feel good. They're either overweight or burned out.”
“If we combine our forces, we can do that more - impact and do something phenomenal for the world. And we did!”
“We work a lot on bias through the values, through, you know, leaving a legacy behind, understanding how we function, and untapping the potential that we see in many people, and that sometimes they don't see, or is limited either by themselves or by the company where they work, or by education and the community where they live.”
“We see a lot of commonalities between those two generations; the younger generation doesn't want to work in a certain way or live in a certain way, and our generation doesn't want to do that any longer.”
“I think it's just interesting to note that we are coming in under diversity, equity and inclusion. And this isn't about belonging, just like race, or gender, or sexual preference. It's the same category of multicultural competency.”
“It's not a number. It's a mindset.”
“Two thirds of our book, it's very much referenced, based on science with all the people that we've studied and learned from.”
“In every dimension, we touch on the sustainability aspect.”
“We have grown so close that it's almost like a bright light for the future.”
Links:
She Doesn't Settle Podcast
She Doesn’t Settle - The Experience: www.kellytravis.net/sds
Instagram: www.instagram.com/shedoesntsettle/
One-on-One Coaching & Group Sessions
Wake-Up, Shake-Up, Thrive Homepage
Wake-Up, Shake-Up, Thrive Instagram
Wake-Up, Shake-Up, Thrive Facebook
Wake-Up, Shake-Up, Thrive LinkedIn
Wake-Up, Shake-Up, Thrive Book
Welcome back, friends, to another episode of the She Doesn’t Settle podcast. This week, I want to talk to you all about setting goals and how you can actually make them a reality. Too often do people praise the powers of positivity and ignore the obstacles they may encounter on their journey. That’s why I want to not only distinguish optimism and positivity from one another, but I will also discuss the relevance of the Stockdale Paradox, and how you too can apply its principles to your own dreams and goals.
If we only employ positivity, we deny reality - positivity can be blind after all. Positivity tell us that everything is fine, when more often than not, it isn’t. Optimism is less blind and more grounded, in that you can recognize things are tough in the present but be hopeful about the future.
The best approach? Balancing optimism and realism, which allows us to take the time to understand the situation, the environment, and the actions necessary to move through challenges and/or work towards big scary goals.. So yes, optimism and positivity are great, but there’s certainly a lot more to it. So join me today to learn about the pitfalls of blind faith, how you can maintain strength in times of trouble, and even overcome your own fears and reservations.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- The difference between optimism and positivity
- Why positivity denies reality
- The Stockdale Paradox
- Balancing optimism and realism
- Acknowledging obstacles
- Fear and excuses
Quotes:
“As an athlete, I have always loved looking at the difference between the two: optimism and positivity. And it's helped me show up during hard seasons and not walk away from goals that may feel so far out of reach.”
“Positivity is blind. It's, ‘Everything's fine. I'm fine. It's all good. I'm totally fine. Don't worry about it. Right?’ It's not helpful. It's also not true.”
“Optimists, while hoping for a positive outcome, are more realistic. They take time to understand what's going on - the situation, the environment - and spot all the possible challenges up ahead.”
“You must maintain unwavering faith that you can and will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties.”
“But it's about learning to embrace both feelings in opposition to one another and to realize they're both necessary.”
“So when they decide on a goal, we don't just think positive thoughts about how they're going to achieve it, and then hope for the best, right? There's a lot more to it.”
Links:
She Doesn't Settle Podcast
She Doesn’t Settle - The Experience: www.kellytravis.net/sds
Instagram: www.instagram.com/shedoesntsettle/
One-on-One Coaching & Group Sessions
Today, I want to take a moment to talk to you all about feedback, what it is, and, more importantly, what it isn’t. It’s easy to assume when we receive feedback that we’re being criticized or even put down, but when we learn to give and receive feedback positively and effectively, we are actually given the opportunity to grow. That’s why I encourage you all today to respond to feedback by offering thanks, making sure the other person feels heard, and giving yourself time to process that input. Accepting feedback with grace is no small feat and neither is doling it out.
There’s a fine line between criticism and feedback, and it’s important that we stay closer to the latter. Today I’ll offer some ideas about giving compassionate and direct feedback as well as the value of nipping problems in the bud. After all, it’s a whole lot easier to weave in compassion before we let issues fester or develop resentment - if we wait too long, however, things get terse, grumpy, and all compassion goes out the window. So remember to speak up immediately and to give grace to context. And most importantly, listen in to today’s episode to see how you too can give and take feedback in a positive and effective way..
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Understanding what feedback is and isn’t
- Starting with thank you
- The importance of repetition
- Processing feedback
- Giving feedback with compassion and directness
- Understanding context
Quotes:
“So before you do anything else, it's important to check in with yourself around how you perceive feedback, and perhaps shift your mindset around what it is or isn't.”
“Thank them for that input. Ask for some time, you know, let them know that they're being heard. But then give yourself the time to process it.”
“We need to speak with both compassion and directness.”
“I appreciated the feedback, even though it stung a little bit… he helped me to figure out how to pay more attention, and how to handle those tricky situations when I'm clearly not in agreement with something.”
“So if you remember to speak up immediately, instead of hoping the problem will go away, it's a lot easier to weave in compassion. If we wait too long, then we let it fester, and we get grumpy and angry about the thing, then compassion goes out the window.”
“So we have to ask for additional context, before we generalize the behavior or the performance.”
Links:
She Doesn't Settle Podcast
She Doesn’t Settle - The Experience: www.kellytravis.net/sds
Instagram: www.instagram.com/shedoesntsettle/
One-on-One Coaching & Group Sessions
Feedback Guide (for Enneagram type)
On today’s episode of the podcast, I want to talk to you all about the value in learning from children and how we can apply their lessons to our own lives, especially as we get older and stuck in our ways. Children learn by pushing buttons, opening things, and asking a million questions. And while we might not be kids anymore, we still have that ability to tap into that inner kid. As adults, many of us believe that we’ve seen and done it all, and it can be especially hard to reignite that spark that gets us out of bed in the morning.
In a time in our lives when fear handicaps us and the prospect of failure prevents us from acting in the first place, it can be helpful to take note of what kids do. Like them, you can start embracing curiosity, excitement, fear, and failure. And like children, you will realize that you can’t help but progress and change. When we’re kids, we’re constantly growing; it’s practically a given. As we reach adulthood, however, growth becomes a choice, and one that’s not as easy. So listen in to today's episode, and learn how you too can shut down your inner critic, open yourself up to change, and be better than you were yesterday.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- The importance of curiosity and excitement
- Welcoming fear
- Forgetting failure
- Celebrating the little wins
- Why growth is a choice
Quotes:
“They push buttons, they open drawers, they ask a million questions. They come up with hypotheses about everything.”
“I can't tell you how many times I work with clients, and the question is: where do you want to go from here? What do you want? And the answer is: ‘I don't know. I have no idea.’ The only way to move through that question and get to the other side, is to be curious.”
“We have the capacity to accept or to surrender to that fear and to dive into something new.”
“I learned a long time ago that I suck at celebrating little wins. If you are an ambitious, driven human, which I know a lot of you are, then it's easy to get caught up in the next thing.”
“Kids are constantly growing when we're young. It doesn't take a conscious effort, right? It's this natural progression. They are learning and growing every day, but as we get older, growth becomes a choice.”
“So I want you to turn off the inner critic, ‘Bitchy Betty’, whatever you call her in your head, and I want you to take a shot at a new challenge. Be open to change. Choose how you want to be better today than you were yesterday, even when it's hard or scary.”
Links:
She Doesn't Settle Podcast
She Doesn’t Settle - The Experience
She Doesn't Settle on Instagram
One-on-One Coaching & Group Sessions
On this solo episode of She Doesn’t Settle, I discuss the positive impact of delayed gratification, why it leads to success, and how you can start to develop discipline in your own life. I open up the podcast with a brief note on the infamous Marshmallow Experiment, when kids were given a marshmallow and told not to eat it. If they didn’t, they were promised another. After tracking the lives of the children from the study for decades, they found that the children who were willing to wait for the second marshmallow ended up being more successful in life. However, being disciplined isn’t necessarily innate or easy - as with other aspects of our personality, it’s impacted by our environment and lived experiences.
All is not lost if instant gratification seems to be more your style though. We can all hone our ability to be disciplined by starting simple and small. Setting action-oriented, specific, and doable goals makes holding yourself accountable a much easier task. I draw this episode to a close with some thoughts on big ideas, why big actions aren’t always the right solution, and how, when we try to tackle the problem by kicking and screaming, the problem tackles us. So join me for today’s special episode, and learn how you, too, can become more disciplined and ultimately more successful.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- The Marshmallow experiment
- Delayed gratification
- Environmental impact
- Discipline
- Starting small and simple
- Accountability partners and calendars
Quotes:
“What they found was super surprising that children who were willing to delay gratification, and waited to receive the second marshmallow ended up having lower levels of substance abuse, a lower likelihood of obesity, better LSAT scores, better responses to stress, higher social skills, and generally just better across the board in terms of life's measurements.”
“The children's ability to delay gratification and have that discipline was not something they were born with, but was in fact impacted by environment and the experiences that they had.”
“But what we know is that if you want to succeed at something, at some point, you're going to have to develop that ability to be disciplined and to take action, instead of looking to distraction–looking for the easy fix.”
“The key here though, is again, make sure the tasks are doable, they're action-oriented and specific.”
“We get these big ideas about how big the actions need to be in order to reach the big goal. And that's where we get into trouble.“
“The good news is there are ways to become better at delaying gratification. You have to do the work. You have to practice, you have to keep things simple. That's all part of the process. But over time when you see the results and you see the progress, you'll understand why that's so important.”
Links:
She Doesn't Settle Podcast
She Doesn’t Settle - The Experience
One-on-One Coaching & Group Sessions
On today’s episode of the She Doesn’t Settle podcast, I chat with Sherry Lukey, an international EFT/tapping expert who works with heart centered entrepreneurs and leaders. Using her unique skills, she has transformed her, her family, and 1000s of clients into strong individuals with unshakeable confidence that embody who they truly want to be. Sherry wasn’t always on this path though. She opens up the episode by detailing the horrific horse riding she witnessed her daughter experience, and how she hit rock bottom not too long after and suffered from severe PTSD. It wasn’t until she started to look for relief that she stumbled upon the Emotional Freedom Technique. EFT or more commonly referred to as tapping touches on high concentrations of nerve endings to interrupt the body’s stress responses and promote healing.
Roughly a decade later, Sherry is using the very wisdom that saved her to help save others. Today we talk about just that. She’s provided her clients with a safe space and the tools to give their subconsciouses a break, reframe beliefs, and overcome trauma. Lukey closes out the episode with remarks on why her most notable clients are children, what her favorite acupressure points are, and how her work increases confidence. So please, if you enjoy this interview as much as I did, check out Lukey’s website for more information on tapping and how it can help you.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Sherry’s daughter and her horrific riding accident
- Hitting rock bottom
- Emotional Freedom Technique
- EFT compared to other coping techniques
- Reframing beliefs
- EFT and children
- Acupressure points
Quotes:
“I was constantly getting sick. It was just like back to back viruses and antibiotics. And I'd put on a ton of weight.”
“It never even occurred to me, Kelly, to go get help–to go get support.”
“It's more commonly known as tapping because you literally tap on high concentrations of nerve endings on the upper body and hands and fingers. And those high concentrations are basically acupressure points. So it has its roots in Chinese medicine.”
“So by interrupting the stress response, what happens is that the subconscious now isn't worried about keeping you alive and breathing. And it actually comes on side to help you heal.”
“I would like tapping because it's more active. And I feel like that keeps me engaged. Whereas meditation, I just cannot find myself getting there.”
“You don't have to try to relax yourself. The tapping is doing the job for you, and that's why I love it.”
“They did a little bit more tapping, took a little bit longer, but it was just gone. It's so incredibly effective with kids, like I said, because they're still in their bodies. It's a little tougher when you get into the preteens and teenagers, because they might not be as receptive to it.”
“If you're looking in the mirror going, ‘I'm beautiful’, and all you can see is all your wrinkles, that affirmation is not working, because your subconscious is ultimately in stress.”
“Initially there's a lot more tapping, because we're so stuck in a stress response that our subconscious sees that as familiar.”
Links:
She Doesn't Settle Podcast
She Doesn’t Settle - The Experience: www.kellytravis.net/sds
Instagram: www.instagram.com/shedoesntsettle/
One-on-One Coaching & Group Sessions
Sherry Lukey Homepage
Sherry on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/
In today’s brief but very important episode of the She Doesn’t Settle podcast, I talk about burnout and the newfound challenges of remote work. No longer is home that refuge at the end of a long day of work - the lines between home and office are now blurred. And while remote work has a lot of benefits, and most people are able to maintain a healthy work life balance now that they’re no longer obligated to an office, remote work makes it difficult to set boundaries and switch off at the end of the day. That’s why I find it necessary to develop coping techniques that help me deal with burnout.
In creating a consistent routine, for example, you not only will increase productivity and improve your wellbeing, you will also prevent anxiety and stress levels from rising. Taking breaks is another method that I use to unplug. Whether you take 15 minutes to read or meditate, breaks are crucial to help reset your mind during long and tiring hours. And so is setting boundaries, an act which helps protect that safe, stressless place you’ve created for yourself. These days, that’s more important than ever. So be sure to tune into today’s episode and learn how you too can battle burnout and create a life that suits you.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- The challenges of remote work
- The benefits of a consistent routine
- Taking breaks
- Setting boundaries
Quotes:
“According to Expedia, Americans took the least amount of vacation days.”
“Those lines between home and work life have really become blurred, making it difficult for folks to switch off completely.”
“That not only supports everything you've been doing, but that allows you to come back even stronger.”
“We have really been conditioned to believe that our time is not ours.”
“You need to take the steps to switch off and to take the time and set those boundaries, and give yourself that pause that is so important in terms of not only preventing burnout, but improving your productivity, your well being, you know, your anxiety, and your stress - all of the things.”
Links:
She Doesn't Settle Podcast
She Doesn’t Settle - The Experience
She Doesn't Settle on Instagram
One-on-One Coaching & Group Sessions
Fall 2022 Ascend
Today I want to talk about comparison, not with others, but comparison with the past versions of ourselves. It can be easy to succumb to that critical voice within and reminisce on who you were when you were younger. Too often we let our minds wander to regrets and ‘what ifs.’ It’s become normal to criticize ourselves for not being who we were 20 years ago, especially as women, and to berate ourselves for decisions we made in the past. But it's time that we change that - by living in the past, you and I only serve to waste time.
We need to reframe our mindsets, and that’s what I really want to talk about today: using our inner critic as a catalyst for positive change. It’s time that you make peace with that negative voice in your head telling you that you can’t write or rewrite your own destiny, so stay present in your mind and body. You might even find that age comes with rich experience, so use that wisdom, and create new milestones for yourself.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Comparing ourselves with others
- Longing for youth
- Regretting decisions
- Staying present
- Opportunities for action
- Acknowledging the inner critic
- Making peace with your inner self
Quotes:
“We feel it, that inner critic comes out and starts telling us that, you know, we need to figure shit out.”
“I'm constantly criticizing myself for not being who I was 20 years ago.”
“If we spend all this time shaming ourselves for what we aren't, then we're wasting energy that could be spent elsewhere.”
“So, as part of accepting yourself right now, maybe find a neutral thought, ‘I'm proud of what I've accomplished to this point.’”
“We can create new positive habits. We can create new milestones for ourselves. And one of the habits that we need to stop is being stuck in that repetitive critical voice.”
“And I think that's the power of getting older. We are wiser, we're more experienced, and we can recognize what's most important to us. I think the times that we feel that comparison to our younger selves are those moments where we're struggling.”
Links:
She Doesn't Settle Podcast
She Doesn’t Settle - The Experience: www.kellytravis.net/sds
Instagram: www.instagram.com/shedoesntsettle/
One-on-One Coaching & Group Sessions
On this episode of the She Doesn’t Settle podcast, Kelly Travis returns after her two-month long hiatus from the show. And in the midst of a rather chaotic past few weeks, with the fall of Roe, the shooting in Texas, etc., she took a few moments today to chat about the importance of recognizing your priorities. In times of stress and burnout, it can be challenging to find solace in everyday life. That’s why Kelly suggests that everyone should have priorities that align with their goals and three daily non-negotiables. This can be anything from taking a walk and making coffee to doing yoga and eating a healthy breakfast.
The goal is to maintain some semblance of normalcy even when the going gets tough. It can be easy to stop showing up for yourself, especially when everything else seems so insurmountable and overwhelming. In doing the little things though and showing up for ourselves, we ensure that we prioritize ourselves and our own wellbeing even in the face of pressure.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Recognizing priorities
- Coping with stress and burnout
- Picking your non-negotiables
- Showing up for yourself
- The importance of doing the little things
Quotes:
“But for now, let's just say I needed to take some time to step back from some things, namely, social media for sure, to take a look at all of the things I was doing creatively and pull back a bit to conserve some energy and to put my priorities elsewhere.”
"I just wanted to get on here and say, obviously, there are big, big problems. And I hope that you are doing what you need to do to move through it. Whether that's silently taking the time to sit back, maybe you're vocal on social media, or you're doing the things to advocate and to send messages.”
“If you have three non-negotiables for yourself, those can help you in the hardest times. And you know, they could be as simple as drinking enough water every day, getting to bed at a certain time, taking a walk a couple of times a day, a five minute walk…like simple things.”
“We need to know that we can show up for ourselves in some small, small way.”
“But again, all of these things are just wonderful foundations for us when things are really challenging and we're going through a lot of emotional, mental, and physical stress.”
“We're back for the next couple of months just to get through summer and the boys being home. I shifted my schedule. Episodes are going to be every other week, probably until September. Then we'll come back to full blown every week”
Links:
She Doesn't Settle Podcast
She Doesn’t Settle - The Experience: www.kellytravis.net/sds
Instagram: www.instagram.com/shedoesntsettle/
One-on-One Coaching & Group Sessions
In this week’s episode, I want to talk one-on-one with you about setting goals, and I hope that by sharing my story, it might help you with yours. I open up the episode by recalling my decision back in January to start running again and to write a memoir. Giving myself attainable weekly milestones gave me incredible momentum to help me achieve my goals. I found that setting smaller goals was not only more sustainable, but also more effective to achieving my larger ones.
I go on to talk about the importance of setting the right goals. In order to do this we have to ask ourselves the right questions. Does the pursuit of this goal make me unhappy? Does this goal align with my priorities? By interrogating ourselves like this, it helps us make sure we are pursuing the right objective. I draw this episode to a close by reminding you all, and myself, that it’s okay to change our goals when our priorities do. After all, life is an ever changing process.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Running marathons again and starting my memoir
- My experience committing to my goals
- The importance of setting reasonable goals
- Asking yourself the right questions
- Why it’s okay if your priorities change
Quotes:
“Oftentimes, we pick goals because we think we're supposed to go after them, and then later realize, we don't freakin’ want that.”
“My point in sharing this is that along the journey, we have a lot of self-doubt. We have that narrative like, ‘I can't do this. I'm not good enough. Who do I think I am? I should just quit. This is too hard.’ Right?”
“The strategy, the plan, all of that was the same so that I could make small, significant progress.”
“We do a really good job of assuming people have expectations of us. But you know how the world is, everybody just cares about themselves.”
“What's the new goal? Or maybe you're fine, right? Where you're at, and you've achieved so much, and you're like, ‘I'm good.’ This is perfect. We don't always have to be in the pursuit of something.”
“I think we put so much pressure on ourselves to show up and be seen in a certain way and often we forget what we actually want.”
Links:
She Doesn't Settle Podcast
She Doesn’t Settle - The Experience: www.kellytravis.net/sds
Instagram: www.instagram.com/shedoesntsettle/
One-on-One Coaching & Group Sessions
I go it alone on today’s episode to talk about what it’s like to experience unhappiness at work and how to change that. I start off by delving into the importance of professional exploration, and how you can’t truly know if you’re in the right place without considering all your options. While there are many reasons why we may be dissatisfied with our careers, burnout seems to be one of the most prominent. The teaching industry, for example, is familiar with burnout as they’re infamously overworked and underpaid.
Considering how common it is for people to be unhappy with their jobs, I go on to discuss boundaries, positive habits, and healthy behaviors. By investigating what those mean to you, you learn more about your values and self worth, and you learn where to draw your lines which is healthy for you, not only professionally, but socially and personally, as well. Likewise, I want to abandon the notion that changing your career is suicide or starting over; there are other options, and I’m here to help you find them. In fact, I’m launching a new one-on-one coaching option to my site to help those in search of professional contentment in addition to a 6-month group program.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Why you could be unhappy at work
- The importance of professional exploration
- Why burnout is so prominent
- Developing good habits and behaviors
- Allow yourself to ask questions
- One-on-one coaching and 6-month group program
Quotes:
“Exploring is really important because it could turn out that it's just a simple tweak you have to make, right? It could be that you just aren't getting enough sleep, and that's the reason that you're miserable, right? Or it could be something bigger, but we don't know that until we do that work.”
“Having a plan is really important, and that's the part that I think is not happening in a lot of cases. And I understand why people are just fed up and tired and just done, but if possible, doing the work, you know, taking that time is really important.”
“When we talk about career change or adjustments, we're quick to think, ‘Oh, that means I have to quit, burn it all down, and start over.’ No! If you all know me, I think like an athlete, because I am one, and I have to have a plan.”
“If we are trying to get to the top of the ladder, and we're at the bottom, if all of the steps are missing, and there's only the bottom one and the top, how do we get there? It's nearly impossible unless you're just a really good jumper. So we need to create those steps to get to where we want to go, and that takes time.”
“Every time I've been in a miserable situation in my career, it inevitably seeped into my life–other parts of it, right. Whether it impacted my physical health, my mental health, my relationships, right, how I was speaking to people that I loved - all of those things are impacted.”
“The biggest takeaway is for you to just start allowing yourself to get curious, to ask yourself those questions.”
Links:
She Doesn't Settle Podcast
One-on-One Coaching & Group Sessions
Today I’m just so incredibly happy to welcome Kuri Levine to the podcast. A Georgetown graduate and marketer for National Geographic and the Discovery Health Channel, Levine is also a mother whose son lives with autism and she has since become an advocate for those with special needs. We open up the podcast by talking about her early experiences in the U.S., her career and how it changed when she left for maternity leave. Kuri goes on to reveal that she never returned to her job after having her children, especially after finding out her son was on the spectrum. She also shares how she struggles as a parent seeing her kids battle with things other children might deem common sense, and how difficult it is for her to find activities or sports that she feels comfortable leaving her son at. We go on to talk about her book, Autism with a Side of Sushi - a book that aims to normalize autism - and draw our conversation to a close by discussing the importance of language and framing as they relate to the stigma surrounding disabilities. Today’s conversation is a vitally important one, filled with insights that we all really need to hear and take to heart.
The Finer Details of this Episode:
- Experiencing cultural shock after immigrating to the U.S.
- How Kuri’s life changed post-childbirth
- Her sons’ diagnosis
- How COVID impacted her children’s schooling
- The difficulty in finding activities for children living with autism
- The importance of language and ableism
Quotes:
“When I do math and simple arithmetic, I do it in Japanese, because that's how I learned it, whereas when I do other subjects, obviously it's in a different language. I've had people comment in Japan that when I speak in Japanese, I sound like a mom talking to a baby, and it's because the Japanese I know is my mom talking to me when I was five and younger.”
“It was sort of the first time I got to see each one was developing at different rates and all the things that kids were doing and whatever. And I noticed that there were a couple things that stood out.”
“Being able to rely on other people that knew what they were doing, instead of having to do it myself was so important, because I was terrified. I was going to break my child and mess him up.”
“Some kids are way more social than Daniel, some kids are nonverbal, some kids have impulse control issues or whatever. So like, it's really interesting that everybody has a different experience.”
“What I was hoping for in that title is that, just as Sushi has become so normalized, and so accepted, it would be amazing if autism, the same thing happens.”
“So ableism is something I support. It's like a positive way of thinking and rephrasing words, I feel like that's important. I think that's another step in the making, not even just autism, any sort of disability less scary, right?”
Links:
She Doesn't Settle Podcast
She Doesn’t Settle - The Experience: www.kellytravis.net/sds
Instagram: www.instagram.com/shedoesntsettle/
Kuri's Homepage
Kuri Levine on Instagram
This week I’m excited to welcome Alaura Lovelight, an American R&B singer, writer, and producer, who joins me to discuss her experience in the music industry. We open the conversation by talking about the treatment of women in the music industry, a career space that scrutinizes women’s bodies more so than their music, and Alaura urges women to stop compromising their values for the sake of views or popularity. She looks up to the likes of Nicki Minaj, Rihanna, Lana Del Ray, and Beyonce as role models that she tries to emulate. Alaura goes on to discuss how it was only after a life changing throat surgery that she really started to contemplate her love for music, noting that she didn’t know herself beyond music, and that led her into a deep depression. When I ask her about advice she’d give out to people in her position, she notes that she wishes she had a female mentor, that she’s learning to let go of more control when it comes to her music, and that she actually feels reborn since she changed her name. To close out this episode, we talk about her experience coaching young girls, where she feels connected to her younger self in each of the girls, and she’s grateful to be able to pass on her advice. The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Alaura’s early music development
- Her mother’s creative and musical influence
- How women are treated differently in the music industry
- Trailblazers in the music industry that inspire her
- Alaura’s throat surgery
- The value of a female mentor
- Alaura on the importance of self care, especially for women
- Why changing her name made her feel reborn
- Her experience coaching young girls
Quotes:
“I have been doing music since I can remember. I never remember not doing music.”
“I actually had access to this million dollar studio, and I was the assistant. So I had keys to the building. And the composer had said to me, 'Do whatever you want', and I was like, 'Say no more.'”
“My mom was, like, very heavily my teacher in terms of music, but that's a great question that most people don't ask me is that she was very supportive of my gift and my passion. The industry was not her choice.”
“She knew she could teach me music, but she couldn't teach me about the industry. She had no idea.”
“I've just always been fascinated by–I constantly study the people that I want to be in this position too.”
“What do I love besides music? And the answer was, I didn't know.”
“It wasn't working out the way I was told, which now if you look back, like every artist that you love has been dropped from a label, has lost a record deal, but that's cool when they worked it out.”
“The more I get into the industry, the more I work with people that really have a very high caliber, the more I learn you just do it because you love it. And you let the rest kind of happen organically.”
“Get a mentor, you have to have a mentor. You have to have a mentor in the space that you want to be in. Because like I said, I'll coach young girls now, and I didn't realize until I started doing that, oh my gosh, I've been doing this for eight or nine years, and I've never had a female mentor.”
“As women, there's kind of this underlying unworthiness, and lack of knowing your self worth, and I think it has to do with–we’re the caretakers of the world, we are the mothers, we are the nurturers–women are made to feel guilty for putting themselves first.”
“Because I've studied music for so long, and because I've studied, like, the intricacy of different parts, I usually have a pretty clear vision on what the baseline should sound like, what the drums should sound like, what the guitar should sound like, the strings. And then of course, we all mold it together.”
“I feel like even if I changed my name, it would give me wings to do something different–It’s a clean slate.”
“I just really aspire to have a brand that is very impactful, that has a reputation of empowerment and confidence.”
Links:
www.kellytravis.net
Instagram: www.instagram.com/shedoesntsettle/
Alaura Lovelight on Instagram
Alaura Lovelight on Facebook
Alaura Lovelight on TikTok
This week, I welcome special educator, family practitioner, author, and mom of six children diagnosed with ADHD, Avigail Gimpel, to discuss her experience working with children all over the world and her research about ADHD. Our conversation today ranges from Avigail’s childhood growing up with 7 siblings and a single mother which greatly impacted her attention in the classroom, to her eventual research into the nature of ADHD and the book this research inspired her to write. It’s a fascinating and informative journey that I am so excited to bring to you all.
Together, we look at how many children are misdiagnosed with ADHD and put on medication before ever treating the origin of the problem. Recounting her experience as a teacher and a mother in both Israel and Russia, Avigail also discusses the similarities and differences between students in different countries, as well as the moment when her daughter was diagnosed with ADHD, and how she inevitably medicated three of her children. We talk about medication in relation to the fact that it leads to lack of curiosity in the child, and review ADHD manifestation and how it differs in children and adults. Avigail notes that she only started to research ADHD when she did so with her father-in-law, and finishes up by sharing information about her book, Hyper Healing, that succinctly includes her research and a guide for parents with children who exhibit ADHD symptoms.
The Finer Details of this Episode:
- An introduction to Avigail
- ADHD diagnoses
- How Avigail got her start in the Israeli school system
- How Israeli students compare to those in the US
- Her move to Moscow and her husband’s business in Russia
- Experience teaching English in Russia
- How ADHD manifests itself in a child vs. adult
- Doing research with her father-in-law
- Avigail’s book: Hyper Healing
Quotes:
“When you marry a guy with that much energy, your life becomes a little bit of an ADHD experience. Yeah, like a constant roller coaster. I'm a little bit dizzy all the time.”
“Because Israel is a little bit behind America with technology, the Israeli kids are slightly less addicted to their screens.”
“So then, when I got back to Israel, I actually started working with my father-in-law, the same person my husband really wanted to work with, because he went back to psychiatry, and he started working with ADHD.”
“ADHD is just a list of symptoms that are caused by so many different things. So in my case, it was emotional overload. But in someone else's case, it's going to be a gut dysbiosis or, or lack of sleep. There's so many things that cause ADHD– a lot of kids who are struggling with so many different things are being diagnosed with ADHD, medicated–and the root causes of their problems are not being dealt with.”
“It's just that we're not looking at the child, we have no curiosity for what's going on with the child.”
“We have to assume that 95% of kids with ADHD symptoms have a perfectly healthy brain.”
“At some point, I stopped really getting them an official diagnosis, because the diagnosis is only useful if you're going to medicate or if you're going to need special accommodations in school.”
“This is a list of symptoms that give us guidelines to know the child's suffering. And then the very next thing we have to do is ask the question, not what diagnosis a child has, but rather, ‘Why is this child struggling?’”
“So actually, that's why I wrote the book, because I wanted to be able to present all of the causes of ADHD–as many that would capture most children of ADHD symptoms like the causes, and then a solution for each one of them. So a parent can really use the book as their coach.”
“And when we don't discipline our children, and we let them act like wild kids, then what we're saying is, ‘I don't expect more of you. I know that you can’t do better.’”
Links:
She Doesn't Settle Podcast
Instagram: www.instagram.com/shedoesntsettle/
Hyper Healing
Avigail Gimpel Instagram
Avigail Gimpel Facebook
Today, I am really excited to share with you all my conversation with my very special guest, Shay Dominguez, about her journey breaking free from the confines of her small town in Illinois to become a comedian, rapper, and workshop host in Los Angeles and eventually Atlanta. Hers is such an important story to hear, especially since it can inspire others to abandon secrets (and the desire to hide parts of ourselves) that no longer serve them. Together, we explore the notion that ‘the sooner you realize you're not going to be for everyone, the closer you are to freedom’, and the transformational role this concept has played in Shay’s life. Shay opens our conversation by detailing her comedy career, her experience at Upright Citizens Brigade and The Groundlings, and the subsequent burnout that turned her towards a rap career. She provides context by discussing her childhood knowing she was gay at seven and not coming out for just over a decade. She details the rather traumatic experience that is being punished for being gay. This issue led her to transfer colleges, face underlying insecurities, and feel like a burden in romantic relationships. After graduating as an athlete with a marketing degree, her improv career and the consistent practice that the industry requires skyrocketed her confidence. She’s grateful for comedy and the power of laughter in that it has allowed her to talk about her life and process her experience as a lesbian. Shay has learned to live her life in a way that definitely moves her closer to freedom, and she shares her inspirational story of how she accomplishes this with all of us here today. The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Common disdain for professional careers
- Shay’s history in comedy, growing up in a small town, and hosting workshops
- Upright citizens Brigade and the Groundlings
- Burnout with comedy led to develop a rap album
- Move to Atlanta
- Growing up secretly gay
- Getting in trouble when she came out
- Transferring colleges
- Feeling like a burden and facing insecurities
- How improv practice gave her confidence
- Finding new ways to express yourself
- The power of laughter
Quotes:
“I was getting kind of drained by comedy. I was getting up every night doing improv with no real growth. There’s barely any trajectory of growth in improv, other than just going up there and finding these small things–I’m going to focus on this small thing. So I left improv and started doing music.”
“Yes, I was very different. So I think at, you know, seven years old I knew I was gay. It was a very young age, but I didn’t come out until I was 18. I really tried to blend in in a lot of ways; we played sports, which I loved sports. I mean I was a tomboy–that’s how I developed a lot of my humor too, trying to blend in, trying to make people feel comfortable in uncomfortable situations, trying to avoid conversations through humor. It was really a defense mechanism.”
“My first day of seventh grade, I had short hair, kind of like I do right now, short hair, boy clothes, hadn’t shaved my legs yet. I go to school, I see all of the girls have their legs shaved–and that’s when I decided I was changing everything, because I went from an elementary school where there were 20 people to a middle school where three towns came together–so I really, I think that was the first time that I started to really change and conform.”
“I think when you can’t be with the people you want to be with, you can’t outwardly show that, that’s so heavy.”
“I feel like the pain that I thought I would have by coming out felt greater than the pain that I was holding in–I didn’t realize how important coming out actually was.”
“I think when I was younger, I would be like, ‘I need to have this person to validate me or to love me, or to show me that this is okay to feel this way’–I would go to bed when I was a little kid, almost every night just begging to be a boy so these girls would like me.”
“My confidence has really improved, just through that consistent practice and getting up on stage in front of people doing exercises, learning how to make the best scenes–that is putting yourself out there to be seen. That is one of the scariest things you can do is just to open up and be seen just like with another person, you know, like a relationship, putting yourself out there to be seen for who you truly are. It’s scary.”
Links:
She Doesn't Settle Podcast
She Doesn’t Settle - The Experience: www.kellytravis.net/sds
Instagram: www.instagram.com/shedoesntsettle/
Instagram: @shaydbeats
Instagram: @garyandmaryig
TikTok: @shaydbeats
Shay Dominguez
This week, I welcome Sophia Noreen to our 117th episode of ‘She Doesn’t Settle’ as we discuss her entrepreneurial spirit and her experience as a fresh, minority business owner at the onset of the pandemic. Sophia took an Etsy startup and launched it in big box retailers within 12 months. She is a self described ‘creative with an entrepreneurial drive’, who left her full time career in healthcare to find better harmony between career, family and self care, and she shares her remarkable story with us all here today.
In our conversation, Sophia delves into details of her entrepreneurial journey, how she incorporated lessons she learned as a minority in high school into her business practices, and her belief that we can follow her example and use our differences to our advantage, especially in professional spaces. She also shares the tragic story of losing her father at the beginning of COVID-19 in the early stages of her business. The two of us close the episode by exploring the importance of honesty and transparency when it comes to time management and working in a team, and Sophia shares some of her plans for the future. One of Sophia’s goals is to be an example to other minority women entrepreneurs that need to reach for their own big goals, and, as you will hear today, she is certainly accomplishing that and so much more.
ANNOUNCEMENT: I hosted a workshop called Why are you unhappy at work? and a recording of it is available for you to access. With the hot topic being the “great resignation” many folks feel that if they are unhappy, they have to quit. I’m tired of this perspective, because there are other options. There are many reasons you might be unhappy at work — and the solution is rarely to just quit. (Sometimes it is, but I’d prefer you have a plan.) So, if you want to get a recording of this workshop to help you discover why you are unhappy and get some solutions, just send me an email at support@kellytravis.net, in the subject line type ‘Workshop’, and let me know that you would like the workshop.
Also, I'm happy to announce that the She Doesn't Settle—The Experience is back on, and you can go to kellytravis.net/sds to learn more.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Noreen’s business’ trajectory so far
- Details about her business’ products
- Lack of a Muslim holiday season in stores
- The importance of delegation and asking for help
- Feelings of exclusion in her community
- Why differences make us stronger
- Dealing with death and loss whilst starting a business
- The importance of transparency when working with others
- The future of Sophia’s business
- Her ‘Boss It’ podcast
Quotes:
“Test the community’s aptitude for adopting new traditions, and also testing the demand of actual product or seasonal products for that culture, for that minority group. So that’s why I always suggest – you don’t need to get all fancy, you can even do handmade at the beginning.”
“If you are juggling multiple things, even if you’re a parent and trying to start a business, you have to be so clear on your schedule.”
“It’s not just help. I think sometimes the word is misleading, because yes, things help you sound like you’re still owning it. It is giving other people the opportunity to shine in a way.”
“Let’s face it, when you start any business, it’s not bringing in any money. You’re feeding the business just like a mom feeding their baby, right? Like you’re giving, you’re giving, you’re giving. And so for you to have to fund your business and product based businesses, they don’t really make much money until after you cross your million dollar mark.”
“It’s interesting, because I’m not as fearful to do things because I’ve never really belonged. And so if I stand out a little bit, it’s like, well, I’ve always kind of stood out.
“It goes back to the art of delegation and just trust in the process, trusting in the universe, or your Lord, and trusting that they’re going to help you.”
“It just shows you that as a business owner, these unexpected elements are always going to come up.”
“I think anybody who feels that they can’t do something, they should just look around them and see who will be willing to help them. We do play the victim card a lot— and there’s no need.”
Links:
She Doesn’t Settle - The Experience: www.kellytravis.net/sds
Instagram: www.instagram.com/shedoesntsettle/
Sophia's 'Boss It' Podcast
In this week's episode, I want to talk to you all about growing pains. These happen when we continue to level up in different areas of our lives, so if you have big goals and try to create change in your life and not settle, you're definitely going to experience them. And sometimes growing pains can feel really uncomfortable – even to the point where we might start thinking about quitting. So today, I'm going to go through how to handle leveling up and how to keep on going, especially when the growing gets tough.
When you continue to level up in different areas of your life, you can get to the point where you feel uncomfortable and think about quitting because you feel like you can't improve any further. We'll also look at how to handle things when growing gets hard, giving an example of my own marathon running journey while dealing with COVID, raising children, and running a business. The need to change habits, lean into your abilities and work ethic, and really want the goal are discussed and I finish up by sharing four steps you can take to level up successfully. As you will hear, growing pains are a fact of life for anyone who chooses not to settle. Listen in today to learn how to not only persevere, but to thrive as you journey through them.
ANNOUNCEMENT: I’m hosting a workshop called Why are you unhappy at work? With the hot topic being the “great resignation” many folks feel that if they are unhappy, they have to quit. I’m tired of this perspective, because there are other options. There are many reasons you might be unhappy at work — and the solution is rarely to just quit. (Sometimes it is, but I’d prefer you have a plan.) So, if you want to do a little work to discover why you are unhappy and get some solutions…join me by registering here: www.kellytravis.net/workshop
Also, I'm happy to announce that the She Doesn't Settle—The Experience is back on, and you can go to kellytravis.net/sds to learn more.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- She Doesn't Settle—The Experience is back on
- Understanding growing pains in life
- How to handle leveling up when stuff gets harder
- A personal example of leveling up from my marathon training
- Why we sometimes need to change habits and beliefs when we level up
- Choosing the right people around you when you level up
- The article 'The Failed Novelist' from The Guardian
- Cultivating the mental strength that bigger goals require
- Understanding that honest failure is better than just walking away
- Taking it one day, one step at a time
- Four things to do when you level up
Quotes:
"While striving for more success and reaching for your dreams is awesome, we have to be realistic about what happens as we get to that next level."
"There are incremental changes, and they feel even harder as you get closer to the top."
"What am I bringing with me as I move forward, and what do I need to ditch?"
"The road to that next level is really challenging, and it requires us to constantly change, which makes us uncomfortable. And it's why many people just stay where they're at. So they do the status quo."
"We have to become a different person to get different results.”
"But if you believe that you can't keep going, that's going to derail you. If you do believe that you have the ability and you work hard, then you're going to be able to keep going."
"Each next level challenge is an opportunity to grow or to quit."
"Achieving big goals requires overcoming a lot of difficult levels of challenge and each demanding more mental strength than you currently have. So we have to cultivate that."
"If you don't really want the goal, then all of this is not going to work. And we have to just make sure we do that work to make sure that we actually want the thing."
"Honest failure is better than not trying at all, than just walking away."
"We have to combat those challenging voices in our head that tell us we're not good enough, quit while you're ahead, that type of thing."
"And one of the things that make us successful and moving forward through these scary growing pains is one day at a time, one step at a time.”
"And suppose it's your career that you're looking to level up in. In that case, whether it's a promotion or speaking up in meetings or applying for a different job, changing industries, starting a business, all those require a different level, a different person, different habits, a different mindset. And that takes just staying calm and giving ourselves permission to do the little things."
"Having a diverse insight, diversity in our support and in the people that we surround ourselves with, gives us a lot of rich information and allows us to be empowered to look at life differently, look at our goals differently, the challenges that are in front of us, and how we prepare for them - all of it."
Show Links:
Why are you unhappy at work? workshop: www.kellytravis.net/workshop
She Doesn’t Settle - The Experience: www.kellytravis.net/sds
Instagram: www.instagram.com/shedoesntsettle/
Today, I want to explore a topic with you all that, while it has always been important to discuss, has become increasingly so during the pandemic, and that's the topic of depression. The one positive thing that has come out of COVID is that it has become a little bit more normal to talk about mental health, and as many of you know, my background is in this area. With the staggering mental health statistics over these past two years in our country, there's no better time than now to take a deep dive into just what depression is and what steps we can all take to recognize and address it. I begin today's discussion by defining depression and listing some shocking mental health findings in America pre- and post-2019. I touch on the concerning numbers of people without privilege and access to mental health treatment due to poverty or even stigma, and highlight the fact that the increasing percentage of adults with mental illness who report unmet need for treatment has increased every year since 2011. The factors that play a role in depression, the differences between depression from sadness, and some ways to get help and treatment when depressed are also reviewed. Lastly, I talk about ways to reduce symptoms of depression, including regular exercise, quality sleep, and eating a healthy diet. I cannot stress enough that his is an extremely important conversation to have, and I sincerely hope that, as you listen in today, should you find that you are experiencing symptoms of depression, you take the time to care of yourself and find the help you need.
As always, if there is ever a topic you would like me to discuss, a guest you'd like me to interview on the podcast, or feedback you wish to offer, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- What depression is
- Statistics of mental health pre- and post-2019
- Addressing the unmet need for treatment
- The difference between sadness and depression
- Symptoms of depression
- Factors that play a role in depression
- Forms of treatment for depression
- The value of psychotherapy
- How to reduce the symptoms of depression
Quotes:
"To see that people are starting to share more and be more honest and open about their own mental health is really good."
"I believe that information statistics are important because if you don't suffer from depression or any type of mental illness, then it's important for you to know so you can help in your community, in your schools, your neighborhood, and your families. There are ways that we can provide support, and there are nonprofits in every community that need funding and volunteers and so forth."
"When we experience loss, you might even describe yourself as being depressed, but that is not the same as having depression. The grieving process is natural."
"But distinguishing between grief and depression is important because it can help you in getting help."
"If one identical twin has depression, the other has a 70% chance of having the illness sometime in life."
"This is why I don't watch the news. I'm completely in the dark about stuff. I've told you this many times. I get the skim every day, I get a little bit of news, and that is enough for me because years ago, I realized that watching the news in the morning completely messed me up."
"Differences in certain chemicals in the brain may contribute to symptoms of depression. And that's why medication is really helpful and beneficial."
"The good news is that depression is among the most treatable of mental disorders. So between 80% and 90% of people with depression eventually respond really well to treatment. Almost all people who get help gain some relief from their symptoms."
"If you're experiencing symptoms (of depression), make that first step see your doctor or a psychiatrist or a psychologist or therapist, have an evaluation, and get somebody who will help you address your needs."
"If you have a loved one who's struggling and they're resisting help, maybe find them some information or some additional research, talk about how there are a lot of people that are starting to get help."
Show Links:
Kelly's homepage - www.kellytravis.net
Social: @shedoesntsettle
Mental Health America: https://mhanational.org/
Find help: https://mhanational.org/finding-help
Today, I want to dive into a topic that has come up quite a bit not only in my coaching conversations, but in my own personal life, and definitely in a lot of social media posts – emotional consent. Many of us are guilty of picking up the phone and venting to a friend, family member, or colleague. We've all done it, and with the pandemic, people are doing this even more, to the point where we are all just so emotionally drained. It's time we take a closer look at this increasing tendency to burden others with our troubles (and vice versa), so, in this week's episode, I'm going to discuss precisely why you need to ask permission before venting.
After providing a brief update regarding She Doesn't Settle social media, I kick off today's discussion by describing emotional consent and why it's important to seek permission before unloading your troubles on another person. Expressing ourselves is vital to our well-being, but making sure things aren't lopsided with our relationships is also essential. And so, if we don't seek permission before sharing, there's a risk that you're adding to another person's difficulties and troubles. So, together, we'll look at how to ask for emotional consent and also how to be understanding when people say 'no' or schedule another time to talk. I then transition to the people who receive the venting to talk about setting boundaries and why you need to let people know if you don't have the space or the capacity to take on their venting and dumping. I elaborate on how to do this politely and schedule a better time to listen to the unloading or give advice. Venting is a natural and necessary process for us all, especially after everything that the past two years have dumped on us, but it's so important to make sure we do it in a way that remains healthy for all involved. Listen in today to learn how to make this a reality in your life and the lives of those you care about.
As always, if there is ever a topic you would like me to discuss, a guest you'd like me to interview on the podcast, or feedback you wish to offer, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- She Doesn't Settle social media update
- What emotional consent is
- The need to check in before you vent to another person
- How to ask for emotional consent
- The beauty of texting as a way to ask for emotional consent
- Being okay when people say no
- Setting boundaries and letting people know you don't have the capacity for their venting
- How to politely say no to the venting from other people
Quotes
"Asking for emotional consent means checking in before you actually do the dumping."
"The reason that emotional consent is important is that communication is obviously vital to our well-being. Expressing ourselves is vital to our well-being, but making sure that things aren't lopsided with our relationships is also important."
"If we don't seek permission before sharing, there's a risk that you're adding to another person's difficulties and troubles."
"If you don't stop and think about somebody else and how they're doing - maybe they're feeling unwell, and under a lot of stress, maybe they're juggling a lot - then we're not taking that into consideration."
"There's a lot to be gained for making sure both people in a relationship are supporting one another, and it might be imbalanced during different periods. So it's not always going to be this perfect balance."
"Checking in with people before unloading on them really requires emotional maturity and self-awareness."
"The best way to approach seeking consent is to reach out in a way that doesn't put the other person on the spot. That might mean texting before calling or texting before texting. The beauty of texting is that people will get to that text message when they're ready."
"We have to set those boundaries because we're all in this place where we're dealing with a lot. There's high anxiety, high emotion, and a lot of depression happening. And we have to be able to protect our own energy, our own mental health, emotional health."
"If you're not ready to deal with their stuff, telling them you're feeling a little down yourself and you're not right in that mind to give them advice is important."
"We don't know what other people are going through. So if you have emotional needs, they probably do too. So consider that before unloading."
Show Links:
Kelly's homepage - www.kellytravis.net
Social: @shedoesntsettle
I am so excited to introduce you all to my very special guest, Julia Taylor, today. Julia is the CEO and Founder of GeekPack, an organization which exists to empower women to change their lives for the better through the power of code, community, and confidence. They teach valuable technological and business building skills, provide the support of an encouraging community, and build the confidence to believe that any dream is achievable. The journey that led Julia to create this remarkable organization is a fascinating and inspiring one which she shares with us all here today.
Julia starts by telling us about who she is, what she does, and the road that has brought her to where she is today - educating women who wish to start or grow businesses. She goes on to share the best three places she has spent time in as a traveler, the beauty of owning your own business, and how her intern program students remain part of the community even after the program has ended. Julia also explores the most challenging aspects of being a business owner, including the work-life balance, mindset, and imposter syndrome, and elaborates on her future goals. Finally, Julia recounts the most significant transformation she has seen with her students and explains the importance of coaching within her program. Hot on the heels of my previous episode about rejection, Julia's tale, as shared here today, is one that educates as well as inspires, and is definitely one that we all need to hear.
Don’t forget, if there is ever a topic you would like me to discuss, a guest you'd like me to interview on the podcast, or feedback you wish to offer, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Who is Julia Taylor
- Julia's transition from providing business services to teaching
- How she trains both startups and growing businesses.
- What led her to do Intelligence in the past
- Her childhood experience
- What it's like to run a community
- The best three places she has spent time in
- The beauty of owning your business
- The most challenging thing about being a business owner
- What is on her home shelf
- Julia's goals for the future
- The most significant transformation she has seen with her students
- Dealing with imposter syndrome after the program
Quotes:
"When I realized that I could figure something out with Google and how to code, I thought if I learn a lot, maybe a company will hire me to work remotely."
"I started applying to jobs, nothing at all. It was not that nice to get so many rejections because I didn't have a degree. I didn't have all the fancy stuff they were looking for, 20 years' experience or whatever. And it was a friend who said, 'Why don't you start your own business?'"
"I was very reluctant to start my own business. I did not have any friends or family members that were entrepreneurs. I didn't know what that meant, really. I didn't have an entrepreneurial bone in my body. I was the complete opposite of all the other entrepreneurs that you hear about, kind of an accidental entrepreneur."
"I got a business coach, and I said to her that I wanted to create a program where I could teach women to code. I wanted to have a community that goes along with it. And that's where the name of the business comes from, GeekPack."
"I was not a cool kid; I was awkward. I was very tall and lanky. I always wanted to be like the cool kid, but I was always on the outskirts. I was different. I was very shy, probably because I was homeschooled. Homeschooling was not that common back then at all. My brother and I were like the weird kids because we were homeschooled."
"We loved Colorado and San Diego, and we thought somewhere in between there we would get an RV, and we'll drive out to all the different places. Idaho is probably one of the most beautiful places in the country that is not quite yet known by too many people."
"I have an intern program where we get students to support other students, and everyone on the team has gone through that process. I now get to focus all of my energy on things like being on podcasts, showing up, growing the business, focusing on the team, and then they get to pour everything into the community."
"Work-life balance was a hard thing. And last year was the best I'd ever had because I have a team who love what they do. They believe in the mission of the company, and they give as much as I do, if not more, and all the day-to-day stuff gets handled."
"Now I accept a lot of the imposter syndrome that I hear in my head because I've had it from day one, and it's never going to go away. It just changes because my business will grow and evolve, and I will pivot."
"I have a very clear vision for the business. Anytime I get distracted, I say, 'Hang on, will that get me closer to my vision?' And if the answer is 'no', I don't do it."
"We have an ideas list on my team where I just let it sit and marinate before making any kind of big decisions or drastic moves, and one of our big things in our vision is reach and impact."
"When I first started the program, it was primarily just on the coding side, but a lot of students since then have said, 'I'd like to know how to start an online business, how to find clients, how to use social media.' So the program has evolved, and it now covers all of that."
"There's something very rewarding about learning, something that Hollywood makes you think is hard. I'm a big believer that it's not that hard. I started from nothing with no experience before, and now I teach women to do it all the time."
Show Links:
Kelly's homepage - www.kellytravis.net
She Doesn't Settle – The Experience - https://www.kellytravis.net/sds
Social: @kellythealth
Julia Taylor's Website - https://geekpack.com
Julia Taylor LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/juliathegeek/
Julia Taylor Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/julia_the_geek/?hl=en
We are currently in a five-day ‘pause’ here in Las Vegas due to COVID, but I'm super stoked to be back, and I really hope that you are doing well. Today's I want to talk to you all about rejection - a topic that comes up a lot in my coaching. When we are pursuing big goals, some stuff might just not happen for us, so rejection is a natural part of the process and it's essential to handle it well. It's so important to realize that rejection is something that happens to everybody, so let's dig into it together today.
I start by discussing how people react towards rejection, why some come back stronger, grow, and become better while others suffer from it, and how you should never let rejection hold you back. We'll look at how dealing with rejection in unhealthy ways can negatively impact your personal relationships and even lead to depression and anxiety. I also touch upon the reason why rejection stings, and convey encouragement that it can build character in the long run. We finish up by reviewing the five ways to move through rejection, as well as the importance of mantras and affirming messages.
And, as always, if there is ever a topic you would like me to discuss, a guest you'd like me to interview on the podcast, or feedback you wish to offer, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Why some people grow with rejection while others suffer
- The evolutionary reason behind the hurt from rejection
- How attachment styles affect how you respond to rejection
- How people grow stronger with rejection
- There are no good and bad emotions
- Ways to deal with rejection that can help you come out stronger
- The importance of mantras and affirming messages
Quotes
"Rejection is a real part of the process, and it's important to feel prepared for it and to know that it happens to everybody in all forms and in every area of our life."
"When you let rejection hold you back, it can really wreak havoc on a lot of aspects of your personal life."
"Dealing with rejection in unhealthy ways can negatively impact your personal relationships, and it can lead to depression and anxiety."
"Nobody likes to hear this, but the experience of being rejected can actually help in the long run to become more resilient in our life."
"When somebody rejects us, there's a very primal piece to it. It goes against everything that we feel like we need for survival."
"We have to have confidence in our ability to deal with uncomfortable emotions head-on. And it's essential to cope with this type of discomfort or any discomfort in a healthy way."
"Research tells us that if we allow the emotion, if we acknowledge it, name it, allow it to hang out with us for 90 seconds, it begins to diminish. It goes away."
"If you never get rejected, you're probably living very far inside your comfort zone. So we can't be sure we're pushing ourselves to our limits until we get turned down every now and then."
"To move through rejection and come out stronger on the other end, we have to treat ourselves with compassion and self-care. We need to respond to that negative self-talk - that inner bitch - with gentler, kinder, neutral messages."
"We can't make generalizations about ourselves when we get rejected."
"One specific incident cannot define us. One thing, two things can't define us. What they do, though, is they build us. They allow us to grow. It builds character."
"We can't let our worthiness depend on other people's opinions of us and one event define who we are. Just because someone else determines something about you or doesn't accept you or denies you as part of something, it doesn't mean it's true about you."
"If somebody in your life is experiencing rejection, please don't respond to them in the moment with something logical. Not going to help. Later, when they've moved through the emotions, and then they're into that processing place, then you can talk logically."
"Every single successful person has experienced rejection multiple times."
Show Links:
Kelly's homepage - www.kellytravis.net
Social: @kellythealth
This week, I cannot wait to introduce you to Nika Kabiri, a decision science specialist who helps people get real, move forward, and minimize regret. She has spent over two decades studying how people make decisions in various contexts, from business to politics to relationships. She's also been featured in Fast Company, Yahoo News, and as a top 10 coach in LA Weekly. Nika contributes to media sources like The Hill, Huffington Post, and Inside Sources, and she's regularly featured on podcasts, radio, and TV. She is also co-author of the bestselling book Money off the Table: Decision Science and the Secret to Smarter Investing, and is currently a faculty member at the University of Washington, where she teaches Decision Science. As the founder and owner of Kabiri Consulting, Nika employs decision science principles to help businesses start, grow, and thrive. She has a Ph.D. in sociology from the University of Washington, where her academic focus was on choice theory, institutional analysis, and decision making with constraint, and she also has a JD from the University of Texas. I'm telling you, this lady knows her stuff!
Nika starts by talking about how she got to where she is today, not only professionally but personally as well, including dealing with depression in her 20s, her experience with therapy and pharmaceuticals, how she resolved to own her choices, and the first decisions she made after coming to this realization. She also discusses her struggle with decision-making as a child, her experience in law school and in the legal profession, the moment when she realized law was not for her, and offers some wisdom on what to do in today's environment with the overload of advice and information from social media and influencers. She explains what she teaches in Decision Science at the university, elaborates on her book Money off the Table: Decision Science and the Secret to Smarter Investing and touches on other books she has in the works. She ends by discussing how a poor decision impacts your next big decision, approaching bad decisions as experiments, and the most painful decision she had to make. A true leader in her field with a wealth of personal experience to draw upon as well, Nika Kabiri has so much valuable knowledge to share – don't miss this golden opportunity to soak up the wisdom she is offering us all here today.
And, as always, if there is ever a topic you would like me to discuss, a guest you'd like me to interview on the podcast, or feedback you wish to offer, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Nika Kabiri's professional story through graduate school and early career
- Her personal story of dealing with depression and her experience with therapy
- Her resolve to make and own her own choices
- Decisions you make before you make your decisions
- Nika's decision to quit her meds and substitute them with rigorous exercise
- Dealing with insomnia
- The consequence of micro-decisions you make every day
- The importance of your physical health in decision making
- Nika's experience with law school and the legal profession
- Nika's struggle with decision-making as a child
- What to do with the overload of advice and information today from influencers and social media
- What decision science is all about
- Removing emotions as the sole factor that drives your choices
- Highlights from Money off the Table: Decision Science and the Secret to Smarter Investing, and another upcoming book
- The notion of anticipated regret and how a wrong decision impacts your next big decision
Quotes
"Make some choices, like, own your choices. Don't let the therapist make your choices for you. Don't let your psychiatrist make your choices for you. Don't let people around you do that for you. Let them inform your choices, but own your life."
“To make really good decisions, you have to be well-rested, you have to eat well—you can't be hungry—you have to have very little stress. So there have to be these certain kinds of physiological, physical conditions that maximize your chances of not being impulsive, not taking risks, and all of that.”
"It's like micro-decisions that you have every day that, if you make them the wrong way, it doesn't seem like a big deal, but you suddenly start to slide into this bad place."
"Your physical health is so important in decision making so don't underestimate that."
"Everything that is not going to work for you is more likely to happen when you are sleep-deprived, nutrition-deprived, exercise-deprived."
"There's a terrible price you pay when you're not making your own choices, and you're doing what other people want you to do."
"At some point, it was less about being a lawyer and having that career than it was proving to myself that I was not depressed, I wasn't going to slip, I wasn't going to have suicidal thoughts, and that I was going to actually be normal."
"A lot of times what one person sees as regretful another person might not, and might just be your interpretation, it might be the way that your upbringing has taught you to interpret certain things."
“A kind of particular type of being stuck is that we're afraid to make other choices because we have these bad decision outcomes from the past. But my hack on that is really just, you know, it's an experiment.”
Show Links:
Kelly's homepage - www.kellytravis.net
She Doesn't Settle – The Experience - https://www.kellytravis.net/sds
Social: @kellythealth
Nika Kabiri Website – https://www.yournextdecision.com/
Nika Kabiri Twitter – https://twitter.com/nikakabiri
Nika Kabiri LinkedIn – https://www.linkedin.com/in/nikakabiri/
Money off the Table: Decision Science and the Secret to Smarter Investing - https://www.amazon.com/Money-off-Table-Decision-Investing/dp/1544516908
How to Change a Misinformed Mind - https://www.yournextdecision.com/guides
With me today is Amy Denson, a retired professional athlete who played collegiate basketball at Arizona State for four years and made it to the Sweet 16, a historic achievement for their program. She has lived the dream of any aspiring female basketballer: playing professionally overseas for eight years in Puerto Rico, Poland, Romania, Australia for three years, and Spain. In today's episode, she shares life experiences and advice regarding careers and their associated stresses. Amy is now certified as a nutritional therapy practitioner and is on a mission to ensure that no other woman ever feels dismissed, especially since they are the experts of their body.
Amy begins by discussing her journey with details from her basketball career, like her travel adventures, being a basketball coach, and then a nine-to-five job. She talks about her retirement and the stress she faced in adjusting to the typical profession, staying in the same place for long without traveling, and dealing with a toxic work environment. Amy shares how she was a people pleaser, and did not speak her truth or stand up for herself, which brought a lot of stress and negatively impacted her health. She discusses her first real job at 33 years old, then getting into 50-plus hour weeks, which culminated in Hashimoto's thyroiditis, an autoimmune disease that led to balding. Although Amy was told by the doctors that there was nothing she could do, she did not buy into this report. Instead, she sought better appropriate support and alleviated her agony. In essence, she encourages women facing similar ordeals to listen to their body and gut, and seek adequate, proper support from those who actually listen – a powerful lesson for us all from a one incredibly powerful woman.
As always, if there is ever a topic you would like me to discuss, a guest you'd like me to interview on the podcast, or feedback you wish to offer, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
-
Amy Denson's journey and career progression
-
How she dealt with a toxic work environment and stress
-
Amy's transition from being a bigtime basketballer to a nine-to-five job at 33 years of age
-
Her ordeal with Hashimoto's thyroiditis
-
Her struggle with identity
-
Amy’s role as a certified nutritional therapy practitioner, her nutrition business, and her mission
-
Details of her travel adventures and places she's lived
-
How Amy describes herself
-
Transitioning from professional athlete to working a typical job
-
The need to know your values
-
Keeping your mind open to opportunity
-
Amy's rock bottom and ‘enough-is-enough’ point
-
A vital takeaway from today’s interview
-
How the health and diet industry has misled our society
-
Actions to take when you suspect something is off
-
Stress management and sleep
-
PACK coaching – Purpose, Accountability, Consistency, and Knowledge
-
Amy's upcoming podcast, The Chronic Athlete
Quotes
"I retired and was just really trying to find my way. I was trying to find my identity because I really wasn't sure who I was without the label of a professional athlete after I introduced myself. And so the transition of living out of a suitcase for eight years by myself to coming back to a relationship and having to live in a house for more than eight months was a lot of stress."
"Even though I wasn't in the most ideal situation, I had to take responsibility for it. I did not speak my truth. I stayed too long. I did not stand up for myself when I should have been. And so I ended up quitting that job."
"Then I got into the 50-plus hour weeks. I was so tired. I would just live 'til Friday so I could rest 'til Monday."
"And I said, ‘I don't feel like myself, I don't recognize myself. This cannot be how the rest of my life and our life will be. Like aging, this cannot be aging.’"
"I was just certified as a nutritional therapy practitioner. And now I'm on a mission for no other woman to ever feel dismissed when you are the expert of your body.”
"I was 12 years old. And I wrote, 'I'm going to get a scholarship, and I'm going to play in college.' Then I wrote, 'I'm going to be in the WNBA.' I just found that like last summer, I was A) so impressed with my handwriting, and B) it's been in me since I was young. I grew up in a small town. And I've always known for some reason I was never meant to stay there. I was meant to explore."
"I wish I would have leaned into being called the B-word. I would have just leaned in and embraced that. I was a badass on the court, and that's something to be proud of."
"Even in the coaching business that I do now, mentorship is so powerful.”
"I was always hesitant at first. I always assumed stepping on the court that the person in front of me was better than me, always. And I always had this underdog mentality that I would prove them wrong. I've always just had that."
"I always wanted to throw the first punch. I always wanted to make it known that I was supposed to be there. Not literally, but you know."
"I had the gift to literally sit in my gift and my talents and my desire to outwork anybody. And that's really how I was so good. I am not athletic. I'm not the best at this and that, but I would outwork anybody. And that was my superpower."
"At the end of the day, what we do is not who we are. And I was attaching so much of myself to a title."
"If something is in you, it's there for a reason. And it doesn't mean you have to quit your job right now and put all your eggs in the basket. It just means keeping your mind open to opportunities because if we have our minds open to opportunities, we will see opportunities.”
"A lot of times when we feel terrible, it's hard to see opportunity. It's hard to see, and it's hard to see past the next day."
"With your health, with your finances, with your life, listen to yourself. Listen, embrace that voice, that intuition, and it all starts in our gut."
"You are the expert of your body. So if you don't feel good, you're right. If you don't feel like yourself, you are right. And so there is support out there. There is medical support out there. And sometimes it just takes going through a couple people."
"Our symptoms are our bodies communicating with us."
"If you are as far down the line as I was, it's going to be a journey. It's going to be worth it, but it's going to be a journey."
"The way I coach and approach health is, I don't want to chase weight loss; I want to chase energy. Let weight loss be a byproduct of you feeling really F’ing good, and it's something that you can actually fit within your life for the rest of your life. "
Show Links:
Kelly's homepage - www.kellytravis.net
She Doesn't Settle – The Experience - https://www.kellytravis.net/sds
Social: @kellythealth
thethyroidpack Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/thethyroidpack/
It's the end of yet another dark and trying year, but, man, we made it, and it’s time to look forward to the coming year! As you all know, each time we enter a new year, society always presents us with such things as weight loss challenges, and programs and products being sold to supposedly make you better and fitter and change your life, enticing you to desire something different. This can all lead to a ‘not enough’ perspective, and today I’m here to make sure we don’t fall into that ‘I’m not enough’ trap, and instead determine what exactly we need for ourselves, so that we can ‘do us in 2022’.
First we’ll look at these ‘you're-not-enough’ and ‘don't-you-want-to-be-more?’ messages, as well as the answer to them which is that we are all different and do not have to cave to societal pressures, so we should focus on our own unique needs and desires. I’ll reflect on the uncertainty, anxiety, and hopelessness of 2020 and 2021, the goals that were not achieved, the rationale of setting fewer goals in 2022, and the value of turning our attention to self-care and rest. Finally, I share my personal goals for 2o22 and encourage all to set goals according to what we think is best for us and not what everybody is selling.
And, as always, if there is ever a topic you would like me to discuss, a guest you'd like me to interview on the podcast, or feedback you wish to offer, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
-
Details about She Doesn't Settle - The Experience
-
Turning attention to our unique desires and not caving to societal pressures
-
My personal life story of goal setting
-
2020: The year of uncertainty and anxiety
-
2021: The year of false hope, more uncertainty, frustration, and anger
-
Don't buy goals other people think you should set for yourself
-
Take a timeout and check-in with yourself in 2022
-
The mental and emotional toll that 2020, 2021 took on people and children.
-
Looking at what goal you can eliminate
-
When feeling stuck and burned out, setting gigantic goals is not the solution
-
Prioritizing rest and self-care in 2022
-
My goals for 2022
Quotes
"We are holding tight to the security while actually making the best of what you're doing right now and thinking ahead in a safe container with other people who are doing the same thing."
"My message is we are all different. We have to do what fits us, not somebody else. We have to do the work, the self-assessment, the self-awareness, do all that work to understand what we need.”
"I've seen so many memes about how people are apprehensive and gun shy and lacking confidence about this new year. I would suggest that you stop buying into all of what you're hearing and being told.”
"These last two years have kicked our collective asses, and the fallout of the last few years is just starting."
"Why does your goal need to be about adding and doing? What if it was about subtracting?"
"It also means we all need to roll into the new year with different ideas, intentions, and goals. That means figuring out what you need. Whatever that is, you've got to own it and not ignore it.”
"When you're feeling stuck and burned out and perhaps even depressed, setting a gigantic goal probably isn't the solution.”
"2020 was easier for me. I put my head down, I showed up to support my clients mentally and physically, and I kept my kiddos safe and homeschooled. I really thrive under stress, to a point, because when 2021 hit, that's when 2020 caught up to me."
"While I have some big goals in the background, I'm tiptoeing my way into the new year. I've got goals. I've got a couple of professional goals. I've definitely got a running goal, but I'm not emphasizing them so much so that I feel pressure."
"Tune out what everybody is selling you and telling you and suggesting you do to be better in 2022 and ask yourself what that should look like."
Show Links:
Kelly's homepage - www.kellytravis.net
She Doesn't Settle – The Experience - https://www.kellytravis.net/sds
Social: @kellythealth
This week, we carry on with the second case study of my use of the Enneagram personality assessment tool to help better understand my clients and restore order and a sense of fulfillment in their lives. Nancy and I started working together around four years ago. She appeared to be really happy with her work, but, as we engaged, I uncovered the toll it had taken on her. Today, I describe Nancy's story in detail, and demonstrate how we used the Enneagram to assess Nancy's personality, brainstorm solutions, and alleviate her agony.
I kick off this episode with a timely reminder of She Doesn't Settle—The Experience program in January. After that, I dive right into the case study of Nancy, whose role was in developing and fundraising at a nonprofit. She appeared to enjoy her work, but I later found out that she had a tough time sleeping, didn't have the energy to take care of herself, worked many hours every day, and lost connection with the thing she enjoyed doing—her work. Nancy brought to light the feeling of enthusiasm she felt on the weekend to wake up early, and yet she dragged herself out of bed on weekdays. In today's episode, I chat about how I came to understand Nancy's personality using the Enneagram which, in turn, helped me appreciate her distress and work to relieve it. In the end, Nancy's situation significantly improved - listen in and hear how!
And, as always, if there is ever a topic you would like me to discuss, a guest you'd like me to interview on the podcast, or feedback you wish to offer, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
o Case study of an Enneagram 6—the strategic thinker
o Appreciating the risk-averse personality
o The journey from overthinking to action
o Dealing with the feeling of not being valued, heard, and taken seriously
o Appreciating the one who likes things done in a very structured way and doesn't like spontaneity and flexibility
o Dealing with people who find it difficult to trust others and their opinions
o The Enneagram release and stretch line
Quotes:
"Career change does not have to be some dramatic, drastic change. It can literally be staying in the same organization but having a different job.”
"And so while she felt like she wasn't being heard, she also began to recognize that the organization's values and mission were changing, and it was very much not aligned with her own.”
"Her personality enjoys being of service to a group or an organization or community. And they take responsibility and do things really well and willingly. They're also all about upholding order and law. And they use lessons from their past to basically stabilize their future. And they really prefer clear structures."
"I knew that Nancy might think in a very structured way. This tends towards pessimism."
"It was important for me to take things slow for us to lay out a plan very meticulously, to allow for contemplation, and also work to help her not rely on rationality for everything.”
"That was a big trigger for her personality because they're very precise and careful in the things they do, following rules, processes, duties. And they feel safe with those standards in place,
“When she's at her best, she can model reasonable and thoughtful actions. She can show rules-based approaches to forming work and managing others. So a really wonderful leader, when they're at their best, and a great model."
"When you over-rely on thinking, you might over plan, you might delay decisions. But when you're in a good place, expressing your thoughts intelligently, you can bring quiet clarity and curiosity, and you can reflect and move to decisions and action. And that's where I wanted to keep her."
"That meant we needed to get her into her body and out of her head more."
"What I needed to work with her on is to make her see that she could actually act as her own authority."
"Have I worked with folks who have made dramatic career shifts? Yes. Have I made a dramatic career shift myself? A hundred percent. But my personality is all about change. I thrive on change. I prefer to be challenged. I get bored very easily.”
"The point of all of this is we are all different. We all have different personality types. We all think and feel and take action differently, and all of these are really critical pieces to know and understand."
"I think it's important to bring out these examples because you can understand that this work is really based on who you are and how you operate. There's no cookie-cutter approach. And that's important because, in a world where everything feels like it's cookie cutter and it doesn't work most of the time, it's important to know some options are not cookie cutter."
Show Links:
Kelly's homepage - www.kellytravis.net
She Doesn’t Sette - The Experience - www.kellytravis.net/sds
Social: @kellythealth
It's a cold and windy day in Vegas, and I'm fighting a cold, but I am so pleased to be back with you again this week to continue looking at how to not settle in your career. As promised, we are looking at a case study, and this week it is the story of one of my clients, Jill, who came to me about a year ago, and who, like a lot of you, had spent probably years thinking about a career change, but was a little bit terrified and a little bit unsure about where to start. Today, I’ll run through Jill’s story with you, and demonstrate some of the strategies I employ, in particular the power of the Enneagram, to help not only her, but all those who find themselves in similar circumstances.
Throughout this episode, I talk in detail about the use of the Enneagram in my work with clients, from health and wellbeing to career change. We look at how I used the Enneagram to help Jill, a marketing director for a large organization, navigate the problematic state of affairs in her career. Jill's work made sense to her, she was good at it, but she wasn't really enjoying it, and that was starting to impact her life, being a wife and a mom. In essence, today’s case study is all about how we used the Enneagram to study her personality, and develop solutions and action steps to improve her situation, and how we can do the same for you.
To learn more about the new program I’m starting in 2022 (She Doesn’t Settle - The Experience) please send me an email at support@kellytravis.net or head to www.kellytravis.net/sds
The Finer Details of This Episode:
-
Utilizing the Enneagram in coaching and solving career challenges
-
Case study of my work with the Enneagram with my client, Jill
-
Overview of my work with people in career changes
-
The She Doesn't Settle - The Experience Program
-
Enneagram centers of expression
-
Enneagram lines
-
The solution to Jill's predicament
Quotes:
"Part of the work is identifying how to make the best of the job you have at the moment so you can keep showing up."
"I'm all about taking little baby steps, and we have to be able to do that so that we don't give up, get stagnant, go back to being in that place."
"Because her personality can cause her to pride herself on being more competent and capable than others, sometimes she can miss opportunities to receive support and help from others."
"A lot of times, we know that we want to change. We know that our current career is not working for whatever reason… but a lot of times, it's really hard for us to know what's next, especially if, like Jill, we've been doing the same thing for 20-plus years.”
"Our work isn't just about figuring out what's next, but it's also helping you be able to recognize who you are without the title and without the job because that is more important, which is what is wonderful about the Enneagram."
"What I didn't want was her to be too quick to act and compromise on the planning and preparing because that happens a lot. And we're seeing that a lot right now."
"Because sometimes we can have a job that we enjoy and fulfills a lot of our needs, and then we also make sure that we're pursuing our passion on the side."
"It's okay to be doing this for yourself. It's okay to put time and energy into something that feels good to you."
"You can set boundaries. You can make decisions. This is a part of you."
"The beauty of knowing strengths, what clients are most comfortable with, is that we can move through contemplation to action at the pace that is the most effective and comfortable for each individual."
"It's incredibly powerful when doing this work because I get, like, to peek behind the curtain. I have a full picture of who I'm working with, and they get to see it too. They feel seen."
Show Links:
Kelly's homepage - www.kellytravis.net
She Doesn’t Settle - The Experience - www.kellytravis.net/sds
Social: @kellythealth
I can’t tell you just how ecstatic I am to be back for today’s episode after my brief break. Over the past month, I have taken some time to reflect upon exactly how I'm serving people, and the theme that I am constantly drawn back to is helping people create change in their lives, and bringing in the things that I do best to help make that positive change. So, I’m back today to continue this mission and help you all get to a new place without feeling overwhelmed and giving up.
Today's episode is about career, priorities, and approaching change. I start by discussing the burnout people face in their work life and how to prevent getting to that boiling point, and then share a few details about my new program regarding careers that is starting early next year. We’ll also look at the post-pandemic statistic of 4 million people quitting their jobs, to prioritize wellness, family, and work conditions, and delve into the need to take action and avoid the trap of thinking for too long and not doing anything. The episode concludes with a look at having a strategy for change, as well as tackling the fear of change, the self-critical thoughts, and the grief of changing. Once again, I am so excited to be back so that we can continue to work together and help you achieve the success you so richly deserve and make certain that you don’t settle for anything less.
And, as always, if there is ever a topic you would like me to discuss, a guest you'd like me to interview on the podcast, or feedback you wish to offer, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Helping people create change
- The shift in priorities pre- and post-COVID
- Recognizing what's unhealthy and toxic
- People want to be valuable
- Moving from thinking to doing
- How to approach a career change
- Avoiding complacency and overthinking
- Taking the first step
- Using the Enneagram
- How to challenge the self-critical thoughts
- Taking advantage of the job you have
- Desiring more
Quotes
"I'm recognizing that in the way that I serve and show up, I want to be very intentional about working with folks around career, health, and well-being."
"We need to do what we love in the eight hours plus that we are spending working every day."
"I'm excited about people moving from thinking to doing.”
"I want to keep showing up, reminding you that you don't want the what-ifs to get to you."
"Do what feels good to you. You don't have to make rash decisions."
"When it comes to change, you have to take the first step."
"You don't need to have all the answers and make a dramatic change to have a change."
"We feel so much better when we're in motion, when we're doing, than when we're in the thinking phase."
"We are 100% using the Enneagram because that tool in itself is beneficial for me as a coach, but also you as a client because it allows you to feel seen."
"If we move too fast, what happens is you make the change, and then it blows up in your face."
"Contemplation is still action because we're doing exercises and exploration and working through questions and that type of stuff."
"We do the work to make sure you take advantage of the job you have; you look for the opportunities and the learning experiences you can gain and utilize the time you have there."
"It takes grit to walk away from something that isn't serving you. It takes grit to recognize and say out loud, ‘This isn't enough; I want more.’"
"We always have a choice."
"We've been programmed to kind of stay in a lane a lot of times and to just do the next thing."
"It's important to give yourself permission to feel afraid and take a chance on yourself."
Show Links:
Kelly's homepage - www.kellytravis.net
She Doesn't Settle Experience - www.kellytravis.net/sds
Social: @kellythealth
How many times have you been told that you can do anything you put your mind to? It’s almost always meant to be encouraging and positive, but I’m here today to give you the lowdown on this all too common phrase, the message it conveys, and why it can be both counterproductive and even dangerous for some. Today, I’m not going to tell you that you can do anything you put your mind to, but I am going to show just why it can be problematic, and how you can actually use your mind in a healthy way to help you determine and achieve the goals that are right for you.
We’ll start by looking at exactly what manifesting is and how this phrase promotes it, and then we’ll review fixed and growth mindset. I’ll also compare manifesting and intention setting, go through some reasons why manifesting is so problematic, and finish up by sharing some questions you can ask yourself to ensure you bring a healthy mindset to your goal setting. Can you achieve a lot more than you think? Absolutely! Is it going to happen just by thinking about it? Not a chance - but it definitely can if you listen in and follow the steps outlined in today’s episode.
Another way to make that happen is to join myself and others just like you for an Ascend Mastermind. It’s now a six month program, and there is one coming up in the near future. So, if you’re a high achieving entrepreneur or high level professional who is ready to uplevel your health and well-being (mental, emotional, physical) while creating and pursuing goals you actually want then this Mastermind is the perfect opportunity for you. You’ll get to strengthen your habits, get clear on what you want and be held accountable by, and find support among like-minded women as you ascend. Check out the details here: www.kellytravis.net/ascend
And, as always, if there is ever a topic you would like me to discuss, a guest you’d like me to interview on the podcast, or feedback you wish to offer, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- What manifesting is
- Fixed and growth mindsets
- Comparing manifesting and intention setting
- Reasons why manifesting is problematic
- Some questions to ask yourself when thinking about your goals
Quotes:
“The idea of manifesting is very problematic.”
“There is a lot of power in monitoring and transforming our thoughts and believing we deserve good things and that we're good enough and that we're capable.”
“A lot of these phrases and ideas kind of move around and are presented as science, but they're not.”
“These phrases, if received, you know, when somebody is struggling, can create, you know, self doubt and shame and all kinds of things.”
“The bottom line is you can't do anything you put your mind to.”
“Everyone is a genius, but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it's stupid.”
“If we remind ourselves of what we want on a regular basis, then we act, right? It's not some magic, like you think about this thing, and then poof, it happens.”
“The statement ‘you can do anything you put your mind to’ doesn't take into account the complexity of being a human with a brain with an ego with shitty narratives that we have to fight.”
“What if what you set your mind to doesn't support your business or your values or your interests?”
“When you tell me to set my mind to something without the exact steps to actually make it happen, I don't get any closer to my goals.”
“I can tell you with full certainty, wanting something, deciding you want something, does not matter if you don't do the work to make it happen.”
“So I think a better way to say this is ‘you can do anything you set your mind to, as long as you take an active role in making it happen, that you have a plan, and you take action every single day’. Then you will achieve your goals.”
“I do believe that you can achieve your goals, if we do those things, if we answer those questions, and if we set a plan in place.”
“I want you to really get clear on what you want, what is in alignment with what you want in the future, and who you are and how we can double down on those skill sets.”
Show Links:
Kelly’s homepage - www.kellytravis.net
Ascend Mastermind - www.kellytravis.net/ascend
Social: @kellythealth
Unladylike's Manifesting Episode
I am so excited to welcome you to this throwback episode of the She Doesn’t Settle podcast. I have a very important topic to discuss, and it’s one which is always relevant, but particularly so for this past year and a half: resilience. Identifying our own resilience and understanding the ways it impacts so many aspects of your life is crucial, and that is precisely what we will undertake in this very special episode.
I’ll start by defining resilience, demonstrating the difference in people who have or don’t have it, and we’ll look at a couple of studies that have been done about it. I’ll explain growth mindset and the two ways resilience is derived, as well as present some examples of questions you need to ask yourself, and emphasize the importance of having and utilizing a support system. Much of the episode is devoted to exploring the 5 things that contribute to resilience that you may not usually consider, and I also share some personal stories from my own life to help illustrate some of the information shared. If 2020 has taught us anything, it is the need for resilience when facing challenges, and I hope that the ideas and advice presented here today will help you to flex your resilience muscles, and not simply survive difficult times, but to thrive within and beyond them.
As always, if there is ever a topic you would like me to discuss, a guest you’d like me to interview on the podcast, or feedback you wish to offer, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
-
Defining resilience
-
The differences in people with and without resilience
-
An Ohio State University study on resilience
-
What makes a person resilient
-
Growth mindset
-
The two ways that resilience is derived
-
Asking yourself questions about your resilience
-
A study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology
-
The importance of having and utilizing a support system
-
5 things that contribute to resilience
Quotes:
“In a sense, resilience is basically doing really well when you shouldn’t be.”
“It’s about growing even during that down time, and it can be life changing in many ways.”
“What is important to acknowledge is that it’s a process, and we have to cultivate some of those strengths and we have to tap into what we know our weaknesses are and grow those as well.”
“Part of resilience is being comfortable being uncomfortable.”
“Americans overestimated their resilience by a lot.”
“If we don’t recognize that we have these weaknesses, if we’re ignoring them, we’re going to get tripped up when we are faced with a challenge, big or small.”
“If we work on the things that we’re weaker at, and we continue to grow the things that we’re strong in, we’re going to beef up those resilient muscles.”
“We want to minimize the control that fear has over us by managing that mind, regulating our emotions.”
“Being resilient is about how quickly you can bounce back.”
“Figure out what you need to ask yourself.”
“Resilience is not a solo job.”
“This is about, in the space you’re in, looking for some of the good.”
“We have to really let go of some of the criticism and the judgment and the berating we do of ourselves in the middle of a mess.”
“We can learn to trust ourselves in just little ways.”
“Focus on what you can control, and let go of what you can’t.”
“We have to be present to move through what is right in front of us.”
“You are capable, and you are powerful, and you have everything you need inside of you to overcome what gets thrown your way.”
Show Links:
Kelly’s homepage - www.kellytravis.net
Ascend Mastermind - www.kellytravis.net/ascend
Social: @kellythealth
Today’s conversation is one we need to have, especially given what’s going on in the world and how it is impacting the mental health of virtually everyone. I want to talk to you about therapy – the importance of it, some of the hurdles around it, and the many benefits it can have for us all. This is a topic which is near and dear to my heart since I know first hand how it can impact on our lives, and I want to share that all with you here today.
Basically, this episode is a review of some of the types of therapy that are available out there these days, some of the hurdles you may encounter, some of the benefits that come out of it, and especially the biggest benefit of all for those of us who are parents. COVID-19 has taken a huge toll on both the physical health and mental health of people all around the world. Everyone, absolutely everyone, has been impacted in one way or another. Join me today, and let’s give ourselves permission to examine, understand, and consider pursuing the gifts that therapy can bring to us, and by extension, to those around us as well.
As always, if there is ever a topic you would like me to discuss, a guest you’d like me to interview on the podcast, or feedback you wish to offer, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Some types of therapy that are available
- The hurdles involved
- Some benefits of therapy
- The biggest benefit of all
Quotes:
“I went back to therapy recently. Old stuff was coming up, as it does - stuff that I haven't worked through in past therapy sessions with other therapists.”
“If regular talk therapy doesn't sound good to you, that is not the only option.”
“Looking for a therapist is like dating...it's okay, if you don't think it's a match, then you go back to the drawing board.”
“Ask yourself, ‘What is it costing me to not go?’”
“When it comes to therapy, many people have a very narrow view of what it is.”
“You don't have to wait until you know your whole body is broken and the walls are caving in around you to work with a professional. You can go when the aches start - right when the aches and pains start - not when everything is broken. Or you can go and things are just fine, as maintenance.”
“One of the coolest things about therapy is that it can help bring about change at the brain.”
“Psychological trauma, general dissatisfaction, low level depression, anxiety - all those things contribute, trigger physical symptoms.”
“Not fully processing events and emotions often creates negative thought patterns that can impact every area of your life.”
“Therapy allows you to get to the root of the stuff with time, and then you don't need to self medicate.”
“The best thing for me about having experienced therapy and being in it is that, if you have kids you'll understand, it helps you teach them a better way to work through emotions.”
“I have found that, given the current situations we are experiencing, you know, the post COVID stuff that is happening, people are starting to talk more about personal struggles and mental health issues.”
“It's really valuable, and can do amazing things for your relationships and your outlook and your productivity and your enthusiasm.”
Show Links:
Kelly’s homepage - www.kellytravis.net
Ascend Mastermind - www.kellytravis.net/ascend
Social: @kellythealth
Leadership, Self Worth, and Curiosity with Highly Respected Therapist Roberta Vande Voort
Psychology Today
thriving littles
Natalie Costa - @powerthoughtsnc (on Instagram)
I cannot begin to tell you just how excited I am to bring this week’s guest, Tianna Madison, to you all today. Tianna is a two-time Olympian, specializing in long jump and short sprinting events, with three gold medals and multiple World Championships to her credit, but, as she will tell you herself, her track and field resume is ‘the least interesting thing about her’. Hers has been a life filled with obstacles which she has faced with perseverance and resilience, and that makes up so much of what she shares in her blog and recent book, and what we talk about in this fascinating and inspiring conversation. I do want to give you a heads up that some aspects of Tianna’s story deal with domestic abuse, so, while it is absolutely a critical conversation for all to hear, please be aware that some details may prove difficult or triggering.
Tianna starts us off by sharing with us who she really is as well as details regarding her journey thus far in life. These details include her early days, her experience with domestic abuse and leaving that relationship, the impact of finding yoga, where she is at now, and what she feels will be her legacy. Finally free to share her remarkable life story through her tremendously popular blog and her memoir, Survive and Advance, Tianna does everyone a valuable service in shining a light on the obstacles that she and so many others face, and providing hope and inspiration for all along the way.
As always, if there is ever a topic you would like me to discuss, a guest you’d like me to interview on the podcast, or feedback you wish to offer, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Tianna and her journey to this moment
- What kept her going during her journey
- The impact of not being allowed to share her story
- Her early days
- Tianna’s memoir Survive and Advance
- Her experience with domestic abuse
- The impact of finding yoga
- Leaving her husband and where she’s at now
- Club 360
- Her legacy
- What’s next for Tianna
Quotes:
“Whatever the goal is, do whatever it takes to get there, leave no stone unturned about it, be super curious about it.”
“There was never a part of me that believed or needed it to be easy in the first place. So I guess my expectation level was that it would require work.”
“My mission became more like, allow me to reintroduce myself, tell you my story, where I've been, but also bring you along on this journey for real, moving forward.”
“It was just kind of ridiculous that I would just be targeted because I was with other black kids.”
“Because I wasn't fully owning the story, I couldn't move beyond it either.”
“It felt like there was a certain calling and responsibility for me to own my story, but to also take the additional step of sharing the story so that other people could feel seen and supported and maybe be inspired to take that step for themselves.”
“I wish we would just trust ourselves and then act on that.”
“I had a really, I think from a young age an ability to take horrible things, lock them in a closet temporarily, and then deal with them later if I needed to deal with them at all.”
“I have forgiven myself for doing what I felt I needed to do to survive in that moment with the information that I had and the resources that I had.”
“So literally in every way, there was some type of yoga practice that was supporting my life. That's self care. That was me taking care of myself, which I wasn't doing or giving myself permission to do anywhere else in my life.”
“It really introduced me to myself, I could hear that inner voice again, and I wasn't hearing it before.”
“When you're tired and beat down, it's so much easier to believe the BS about you.”
“My continuing work is to forgive myself for not being brave enough to talk about it or to tell anyone, because right now, the fact that I didn't say anything during that time is being used against me.”
“Why is it so hard for people to understand you say what you have to say, you do what you need to do, to survive situations like that.”
“My legacy, I think, is in part in my perseverance, and my determination, and what appears to be fearlessness, and using my voice. But I will tell everyone, I'm not fearless. I just do it anyway.”
“There's like thousands of miles between surviving that and thriving.”
“Ultimately, we do save ourselves and it's just that we can do it sooner, maybe even better, with the right support group and the right knowledge.”
Show Links:
Kelly’s homepage - www.kellytravis.net
Ascend Mastermind - www.kellytravis.net/ascend
Social: @kellythealth
Homepage
Tianna's Instagram
Tianna's Blog
Survive and Advance
Well, here we are at Episode 101, and as we begin the journey through our next 100 episodes, I want to start with a topic that is a part of all our lives, and which we really need to address. The concept of shame, how it shows up for us, and what we can do about it represent critical components in our mental, physical, and emotional health as well as our ability to achieve the success we deserve. Today, I want to share some important research regarding the storm we know as shame, illustrated with some examples from my own life as well.
First off, I have a crucial question I need you all to ask yourselves, and then we’ll look at the definition of shame, the importance of making healthy connections, the concepts of shame and guilt, and we’ll delve into some of Brene Brown’s work in this area. We’ll also examine the difference in shame for men and women, what happens when we experience shame, how to respond deliberately to it, and the theory of shame resilience. To finish up, I’ll walk you through the 4 steps that allow you to acknowledge and move through it all. Shame is an aspect of life which we all face, as the many examples from my own life clearly demonstrate, so it is an area that needs our deliberate attention, and that is exactly what we’ll achieve here today.
I also want to bring to your attention the fact that I've been helping teams create healthy cultures and communication since long before COVID, and I can see just how much the need for this work has grown exponentially as we enter this current stage of the pandemic. I know how to navigate crisis, change, and uncertainty, and I want to help, so I'm offering workshops or going in and speaking at specific places or events as needed. If you know of, or if you are in need of that yourself, we can help each other out. Are you planning an event? Do you know of an event that I could be a part of? Do you know of an organization that could use this support? If you are a leader in an organization, are you open to bringing someone on to help facilitate a workshop? If so, send me an email at support@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you.
And, as always, if there is ever a topic you would like me to discuss, a guest you’d like me to interview on the podcast, or feedback you wish to offer, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Kelly’s question for listeners
- Defining shame
- Making healthy connections
- Comparing shame and guilt
- Brene Brown’s work regarding shame
- Comparing shame for men and women
- What happens when we experience shame
- Responding deliberately to shame
- Shame resilience theory
- 4 steps that allow you to acknowledge and move through shame
Quotes:
“I remember after getting divorced for this second time, all the beliefs and the shame that flooded my system. I felt like everywhere I went I was being reminded of the fact that I was a single mom divorced twice.”
“We feel like we are what we accomplish.”
“If you have a high level of self worth, then having everything taken away from you won't change who you are as a person.”
“This takes a lot of fuckin’ work.”
“Shame is an intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.”
“When we possess worthiness, we've got the courage to be imperfect, and to feel self compassion. We're willing to let go of who we think we should be, to be who we truly are, and we believe what makes us vulnerable makes us beautiful.”
“I've seen the difference between a leader in an organization showing their flaws versus a leader who only shows perfection… somebody who shows their flaws, has better connections, creates a safer environment.”
“When we're in that shame storm, it's like we're looking through a zoom lens on a camera. We see all of the flaws up close and personal.”
“I see shame and self-doubt in the professional space a lot because so many individuals are working so hard to hide their authentic selves behind this wall.”
“One of the most important components in shame resilience is empathy.”
“Shame can occur in all aspects of our lives, underscoring the importance of shame resilience.”
“Recognizing the personal vulnerability that leads to feelings of shame is that first step.”
“When we name it, just like our other emotions, it takes the power away, and you recognize you're not the only one.”
“Speaking about our feelings of shame with others, and discussing it, and deconstructing those feelings are really healthy.”
“We need to acknowledge it, understand it, and then share it.”
“If you removed all of the external validations, all the things, and it was just you, how would you feel about yourself?”
Show Links:
Kelly’s homepage - www.kellytravis.net
Ascend Mastermind - www.kellytravis.net/ascend
Social: @kellythealth
Brene Brown's Homepage
Today marks the 100th episode of the She Doesn’t Settle podcast – that’s 2 years! – and it would never have been possible without all of you wonderful people! I also never would have gotten this far if it weren’t for the topic of this special centenary episode – the power of endurance. I, of course, had definite goals when I started this podcast, and endurance is one of the key ingredients that has helped me reach them, so let’s dig into it here today.
First, we’ll start by defining endurance, look at examples from my life, and explore the difference between endurance and discipline. I’ll also review ‘the messy middle’ and the role resistance plays, and then share strategies and resources that will show you how to endure. It’s time to celebrate – we have hit a huge milestone thanks to the gift of endurance – and I can’t think of anyone I would rather celebrate with than all of you! Thank you all for enduring with me, and let the journey to our 200th episode together begin today.
As always, if there is ever a topic you would like me to discuss, a guest you’d like me to interview on the podcast, or feedback you wish to offer, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Defining endurance
- Examples of endurance from my life
- The difference between discipline and endurance
- The messy middle
- Understanding resistance
- How to endure
- Simon Sinek’s Start With Why
Quotes:
“It's the power to keep going, to withstand something challenging. It's the ability to do something difficult for a long time - a long ass time - maybe 100 episodes.”
“One of the main reasons that people fail in their own business or with their health goals, or a side project or a hobby, or personal goals, I don't know, like a marathon, is because they don't have the endurance to keep pushing through after they fail.”
“I think discipline is what gets us started, right? We find a rhythm, we're showing up, we're staying accountable, and endurance is what we need to actually finish.”
“It's when you're navigating the challenging journey that you find your strength, that you recognize your resilience, that you recognize, you know, all of these attributes that you have.”
“The better understanding we have of resistance, our own resistance, the more likely we will endure.”
“It's important that you pause and that you take note of those critical messages that are coming, because they're distraction, they are the thing that is going to really just encourage you to quit.”
“Remember, when setting your goals, you identify your ‘why’.”
“Everything that is worth doing is tough.”
“It's only failure if you don't do anything with the information you got from it.”
“If we are impatient, we cannot endure.”
“Focusing on the outcome can cause you to give up because it can create anxiety or self doubt.”
“Remember your ‘why’, don't be afraid to fail, practice patience, set clear milestones, and don't focus on the outcome or over identify with it.”
“I think it goes without saying that having support of some kind is critical as well.”
“The days where I feel like no one wants to listen to me, thanks for listening to me.”
“We made it to 100! I think that's a big deal - we should be celebrating!”
Show Links:
Kelly’s homepage - www.kellytravis.net
Ascend Mastermind - www.kellytravis.net/ascend
Breathing New Life into Old Goals
Old Goals 2 - Staying in Motion
7 Key Takeaways from My First Marathon
Are You a Quitter?
Malcolm Gladwell's 'Outliers'
Simon Sinek's 'Start With Why'
After going through the rollercoaster of emotions over the past few months, there is one topic that has arisen for me a number of times, and it’s one that we sorely need to talk about, especially as women – being angry. Too often shackled by society’s attitude toward women and anger, many of us have never actually been taught about this most powerful emotion, how to validate it or express it in a healthy manner. Well, I’m here to tell you, that all changes today.
We’ll start off by looking at the importance of actually learning how to be angry, the traditional narrative that works against women in this regard and the impact it has, the reality of internalized misogyny even amongst women, and some findings from a study examining women’s anger. I’ll share with you some beautiful and transformative words from the poet David Whyte regarding anger, explore the concept of productive anger, and then run through some ways we can all use the information shared here today including how to validate and express anger in a healthy way and how to become comfortable with it. As my call to action for you, I finish off with some reflective questions you can ask yourself to help identify your anger, see it in a different light, and put its immense power to work for you so you never end up settling.
As always, if there is ever a topic you would like me to discuss, a guest you’d like me to interview on the podcast, or feedback you wish to offer, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Learning how to be angry
- The traditional narrative regarding anger and gender
- Internalized misogyny
- The impact of this traditional narrative
- Some findings of a study examining women’s anger
- Poet David Whyte’s thoughts on anger
- Productive anger
- What we can do with this information
- Finding ways to validate and express anger in a healthy way
- Getting comfortable with being angry
- Questions to ask yourself
Quotes:
“I want you to get fucking angry.”
“Adults react to anger as almost acceptable in boys, but not girls. And little girls are told to use a nicer voice, a softer voice, more often than boys.”
“Is it any wonder that women suppress their voices, and shy away from asserting themselves? I mean, we've literally been living this narrative forever.”
“If there's a woman that expresses anger, she's probably seen as irrational or crazy or out of control or there must be something wrong with her - maybe it's her hormones, or maybe she started her period.”
“We leave anger to be okay for white men…everybody else, there's something wrong with us. This narrative tells us that it's not feminine to be angry. It's a narrative that is so ingrained in our society that, as I said, it even exists among women.”
“We're born with a voice, but we're discouraged from using it, and it's not uncommon for this voice to turn on us and become a critic, or cause a lot of mental and emotional and physical health issues.”
“We've been taught to ignore or deny the anger, and when it comes, we make excuses for it.”
“It gives us power. It gives us power to stay out of the victim mentality space and move into being in charge, taking ownership.”
“Anger without love is hate. But love without anger is hollow.”
“If we tap into the softness, the compassion, the reason for the anger, then that changes things, right? Learning to work with our anger is really important and can be really powerful.”
“We can be angry and still, you know, show that we have care and love.”
“Frustration that’s shared any constructive way that's nonviolent, can foster, you know, deeper conversations, can repair relationships, can improve all of those things.”
“When we allow ourselves to experience that anger, it can help us notice what we need, it can help us figure out how to take care of ourselves.”
“What we also know about anger is when we hide it, it has negative consequences.”
“Chronic anger is linked to a lot of health issues.”
“What is my anger trying to do for me?”
“There's a lot of hate, but we need anger with care, so that we can get some shit done.”
Show Links:
Kelly’s homepage - www.kellytravis.net
Ascend Mastermind - www.kellytravis.net/ascend
David Whyte's 'Consolations'
University of Tennessee study
Whether it’s from my conversations with clients or my own daily experiences, I am constantly reminded of the importance of curiosity in such essential components of our lives as problem solving, communication, relationships and working towards goals. These days, particularly given the changes that COVID has brought to our lives, curiosity is more crucial than ever, because, let’s face it, the same old approaches just aren’t going to cut it anymore. Instead of relying on what may have worked for us in the past, we need to be curious about new strategies that will allow us to successfully navigate the world as it now stands, how it will evolve in the future, and how it will impact all of us.
We’ll begin by looking at how so many of us are living on autopilot, the barriers to becoming curious, and curiosity within organizations including the example of the Ford Motor Company. I’ll also delve into cultivating a curious mindset, curiosity’s definition and antonyms, some research regarding it, and the importance of asking questions. The many benefits of curiosity, reciprocal self-disclosure, Skin Deep cards, and takeaways will also be discussed. To finish up, I’ll issue an invitation for you all to send in ideas for our 100th episode which is quickly approaching, so please be sure to let me know what you think. If COVID has taught us anything, it’s that our world continues to evolve, often in unimaginable ways, and we need to do the same, remaining curious about these changes and broadening our vision of how to effectively and successfully adapt to them along the way. Join me today as we explore precisely how to achieve this essential goal.
And, as always, if there is ever a topic you would like me to discuss, a guest you’d like me to interview on the podcast, or feedback you wish to offer, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Feedback from the ‘Are You a Quitter?’ episode
- Living on autopilot
- The barriers that prevent us from being curious
- Curiosity in organizations
- The Ford example
- Cultivating a curious mindset
- Curiosity’s definition and antonyms
- Research regarding curiosity
- Asking questions especially ‘Why’?
- The benefits of curiosity
- Reciprocal self-disclosure
- Skin Deep cards
- Takeaways
- Ideas for the 100th episode
Quotes:
“It's a good time to practice getting curious because what life looked like before, it doesn't look the same.”
“How often do you approach your own life and the challenges that come up by working through it the same way you have always done it?”
“Why am I not trying something else? This is clearly no longer the solution. What else can I do?”
“Shit changes or life changes and evolves and looks different and that means that what we used to do, doesn't always work later.”
“What are some things that you have access to that you're not even considering as a solution, because it's not the obvious solution?”
“We get kind of stuck in what we believe to be the solution.”
“We're really good at not removing the barriers that get in the way.”
“Rather than ask, ‘What can I do?’ we need to ask, ‘How can the system be changed?’”
“When we allow folks to explore, it pushes past that status quo, and it actually provides other possible solutions.”
“Curiosity allows us to move through problem solving kind of as a game, like it's an exploration, right? And it pushes us to not be so rigid, we get to dig deeper to the heart of the matter instead of just looking at things on a surface level.”
“When it comes to curiosity, research shows it leads to higher performance, more adaptability.”
“Getting curious about others and why they think the way they do and how they live - it's really, really a wonderful thing.”
“We've got to be open to different ways of doing things and really listening to our bodies and asking questions.”
“The way we've always done it is not going to work anymore. And we've got to get comfortable with change, and looking for new ways of doing things and new approaches.”
Show Links:
Kelly’s homepage - www.kellytravis.net
Ascend Mastermind - www.kellytravis.net/ascend
Are You a Quitter?
Skin Deep
Almost all of us have found ourselves making unhealthy or unproductive decisions at one point or another, especially over the course of the pandemic. But why do we make these poor choices even when we know better? Today I’ll look at some of the biggest factors that impact our ability to make decisions that serve us well, and five powerful ways that you can organize and simplify your life to avoid decision fatigue - the mental and emotional state of depletion resulting from a burden of choices.
We start our days with hundreds of little decisions that take up mental energy - What should I wear? What am I going to have for breakfast? Do I have time to make coffee? As the day goes on, these tiny choices add up and we get so tired and overwhelmed that we’re just done with making decisions by dinnertime. This is when we fall victim to decision fatigue, which causes us to make poor decisions. We defer important choices to someone else or choose not to make any at all. On this episode, I break down several examples of how decision fatigue can affect us, how this differs from lack of willpower, and I dig into five practical ways that you can avoid decision fatigue and make better choices as a result.
You’ll hear why making decisions can be so paralyzing when we have too many options, how even the most mundane choices can drain our mental energy, why sitting back and hoping we make the right decision never works, and most importantly, what you can do about it right now. I challenge you to choose just one of my five strategies to overcome decision fatigue this week, and truly go for it. Because listen, we’ve all been there - at the end of an exhausting day, you order takeout and settle in to watch Netflix when you know working out or tackling your side hustle might be the more fulfilling option. Today's episode will show you how to incorporate healthy, productive choices right into your daily routine so that you never have to settle for less.
As always, if there is ever a topic you would like me to discuss, a guest you’d like me to interview on the podcast, or feedback you wish to offer, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Why we make unhealthy or unproductive decisions even when we know better
- Unexpected factors that influence our decision-making
- Mental energy fades as we make more and more decisions throughout the day
- Decision fatigue can be confused with lack of willpower
- Five ways we can organize and simplify our lives to avoid this and make better choices as a result
- Challenge to try just one of these strategies to begin overcoming decision fatigue
Quotes:
“The question I want to ask you, as we dig in, is why do we make unhealthy or unproductive choices, even when we know we could do better, but we don’t?”
“What happens to us as we go through the day is we get tired. It's overwhelming. There's so many little decisions we make all of the time, and big ones, too, that by 3pm, we're kind of over it.”
“It is no wonder that by the end of the day, we've made hundreds, if not thousands of decisions, and we're opting for the easy answer or no decision at all. Because we're so damn tired.”
“When your stamina is fading, and your brain is tired from making all the decisions, it's easier to just say no.”
“Some studies say that your brain makes 10,000 to 40,000 decisions every day. That's a lot of mental energy. And then once you hit the point of depletion, your lack of mental energy can cause you to make poor decisions.”
“Again, it's not an issue of willpower. It's because we're just inundated with all these choices.”
“Think about Netflix - I mean, I don't watch TV because I get too overwhelmed with the options.”
“There are a lot of decisions that drain our energy that we literally experience over and over again. And this is wasting a lot of our energy because they can be planned for.”
“If we make these [decisions] ahead of time, then it's so much easier to have these on autopilot almost. And then when we get thrown all these other decisions that we didn't plan for, we don't feel as exhausted.”
“When grocery shoppers were offered six different flavors of jam, 30% of shoppers purchased a jar of jam. In contrast, when shoppers were given 24 different flavors of jam to try, only 3% of shoppers purchased a jar.”
“The task of making a decision can be paralyzing when we have too many options.”
“Give yourself a time limit on the decision.”
“Stop making decisions, start making commitments.”
“I hope that of the five things I shared with you, you can try one.”
“My hope is that of these five, one of them is going to be amazing for you and help a lot.”
Show Links:
Kelly’s homepage -www.kellytravis.net
Ascend Mastermind - www.kellytravis.net/ascend
What exactly does quitting mean to you? This is a question I’ve been thinking about a lot lately, especially in terms of how quitting is different from giving up. Everyone knows that I simply will not settle, but I can tell you that I do, and I have, quit things in the past, but I don’t give up. There’s a huge difference between the two, and that’s precisely what I want to talk to you about today.
I’ll begin by explaining the ‘sunk cost fallacy’ as well as the difference between quitting and giving up. We’ll then walk through some examples from my own life where I have chosen to quit, look at more general examples of quitting such aspects of life as relationships, jobs, and goals, and review the need to exhaust all other options in these situations. The notion of feeling judged by others for quitting is also discussed, and I’ll finish up with some essential questions to ask yourself when considering quitting. Understanding the crucial difference between quitting and giving up in life, and doing the work to ensure that you approach these decisions thoughtfully and intentionally will have a significant impact upon your success and your ultimate happiness, so be sure to listen in and take note today.
As always, if there is ever a topic you would like me to discuss, a guest you’d like me to interview on the podcast, or feedback you wish to offer, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- The sunk cost fallacy
- The difference between quitting and giving up
- Some examples of things I’ve quit
- Quitting relationships, jobs, goals
- Exhausting all options
- Feeling judged for quitting
- Questions to ask yourself when considering quitting
Quotes:
“I think people probably assume that I don't quit, and I'm going to point out that I do.”
“Quitting sometimes creates space for other things.”
“I like the theory around this sunk cost fallacy because it shows the power of acting based on what you think you should do, rather than what makes more sense.”
“While giving up isn't always a bad thing, it usually happens prematurely. It's like we call it off before we've exhausted all options, and then regret it after we've done it.”
“Quitting, on the other hand, is the decision that something isn't worth continuing.”
“And I feel like in our society, there's a lot of pressure, there are a lot of narratives around why you should not quit a relationship, why you should stick it out, why you should not walk away, not, you know, all of these things.”
“It's not giving up, it's ending something that is not good for you, that has no value, that isn't worth it to you.”
“There have been many times where I wanted to quit my business. And instead of quitting the business, I've looked at things I need to rework and change and ways I need to pivot so that it makes more sense to me.”
“As a society, we are conditioned to think quitting is failing, and I'd argue it's almost the opposite.”
“It's your life. It's your time. It's your energy. And we have one life. And the way we spend it is really important.”
“It's one of the most challenging decisions we can make as humans.”
“You can't compare your journey to somebody else's, right? And that will be the death of you when it comes to working towards goals.”
“We need to remind ourselves of the ‘why’ because that can help us determine if we're quitting or if we're giving up.”
“Quitting equals doesn't settle.”
“The biggest question you can ask yourself is, ‘What do I have to gain or what is it costing me?”, and we can all answer that.
“Getting honest with ourselves about where we're at and how we're feeling and what's important and what's not, is really valuable right now.”
“I want you to stop settling and that means quitting things that just don't make sense to make space for something else for more because you're deserving of that.”
Show Links:
Kelly’s homepage - http://www.kellytravis.net
Ascend Mastermind - www.kellytravis.net/ascend
Today’s topic is one that I’m really looking forward to bringing to you, and it’s one that I really want you to think about: incorporating habits that allow you to have rest and recovery. As ‘doers’, so many of us tend to pile stuff on ourselves, and we freak out a bit at the thought of taking the time to rest, but I guarantee you, it is extremely important not only to your performance, but your immune system, your relationships, your enthusiasm, and your mental health as well.
We’ll begin by looking at the need for rest and recovery, differentiating between sleep and rest, and the addiction that so many of us have to the busy-ness of our lives. I’ll also review the three main areas in our lives which require rest and recovery, their causes and symptoms, and I’ll share a number of practical strategies to help address exhaustion in these areas. Throughout the episode, I share my own experiences with this topic, and I know that so many of you will see yourselves in the examples provided. Exhaustion is so prevalent in our society these days, it’s time for us to address this head on and take action on the need for rest and recovery – we owe it to ourselves.
This important topic is just one of those which I focus on with my Ascend Mastermind ladies, and as you may know, I have reopened my Ascend Mastermind to a new cohort! If you’re tired of playing small in your life and work, and you’re ready to identify what you want and how to get there (in a healthy way) while in community with like-minded women, then this Mastermind is definitely for you. Schedule a call with me at http://www.kellytravis.net/ascend or send an email at support@kellytravis.net with questions. There are only a few spots left, and we start in September, so there’s no time like the present to have a chat with me and see if this is right for you.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
-
The need for rest and recovery
-
Sleep’s role in rest
-
My earlier podcast about sleep
-
The addiction to busy-ness
-
The three areas that need rest and recovery
-
Causes and symptoms of physical, mental and emotional exhaustion and strategies for their rest and recovery
Quotes:
“We can’t show up our best over and over again if we’re depleted mentally, physically, emotionally.”
“I am always to blame for the burnout and overwhelm I experience – I create it, I fuel it, and you probably do, too, especially if you’re a doer.”
“We don’t consider rest as a necessity in our culture.”
“It is a mind-body-spirit issue.”
“Typically, the area you exert the most energy is where you need to put the most recovery in and rest.”
“Your body reveals what it needs from you, but in order to hear it, you have to slow down and listen.”
“97% of us state we feel tired most of the time.”
“Your mind chatter feels like it never stops.”
“Emotions are contagious.”
“Women tend to be more vulnerable to absorbing the stress and negativity of those around them.”
“Say ‘Yes’ to the things that light you up and to the people that light you up.”
Show Links:
Kelly’s homepage - http://www.kellytravis.net
Ascend Mastermind - www.kellytravis.net/ascend
One topic that has really been top of mind for me lately, especially given the impact that the past year has had on all of us, is the importance of friendships in our lives and the need to not go through life alone. Throughout this pandemic, I’ve had periods of time where I’ve found myself thinking that I felt so lonely, detached and disconnected. That’s why I decided to take stock of the situation and follow some steps to work on this crucial area of my life. Today, I’d like to share some of these steps with you while we explore just how important it is to prioritize these relationships as we go through the many seasons of our lives.
I’ll begin by reviewing some of the challenges we face with friendships, particularly as we get older, differing individual friendship goals, and why it’s important to prioritize friendships. We’ll then look at what exactly you can do with all this information, including some questions to ask yourself, making a commitment to address your friendships, and how my Ascend Mastermind can help. If you’re like me, and you’ve maybe neglected some friendships, need to find new friends, or even get rid of some friends, believe me, this episode is for you.
It also means that Ascend Mastermind is definitely for you as well. Running as a six-month program this time around, registration for the next cohort is open until August 15. If you’re a high achieving entrepreneur or high level professional who is ready to uplevel your health and well-being (mental, emotional, physical) while creating and pursuing goals you actually want then this Mastermind is the perfect opportunity for you. You’ll get to strengthen your habits, get clear on what you want and be held accountable by, and find support among like-minded women as you ascend. Check out the details here: www.kellytravis.net/ascend, and if you would like to hear first hand from someone who has actually gone through one of my Ascend Masterminds, let me know and we can make that happen as well.
As always, if there is ever a topic you would like me to discuss or a guest you’d like me to interview on the podcast, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Challenges that we face with friendships as we get older
- Differing friendship goals
- Why it’s important to prioritize friendships
- What to do with all this information about friendships
- Some questions to ask yourself
- Making a commitment around friendship
- How Ascend can help with friendships
Quotes:
“I don't need a lot of friends. I just need friends that I can go deep with.”
“As we grow up, we realize it becomes less important to have more friends, and more important to have real friends.”
“We do need people. We seek to build friendships with like minded people who can relate to us, and who we can see some of us in them.”
“We have to decide, do I want to put more time…into these relationships or is it time to let that fade out?”
“We go through all of these seasons in our life, and it's okay, if we have friendships for those seasons and those seasons only.”
“Inviting people in can be terrifying as we get older, but it's also a really wonderful opportunity.”
“That's why I love Ascend because new friendships are made in every cohort, because it's people coming together that otherwise wouldn't have met.”
“Some research even says friendships are just as important to our well being as eating right and exercising.”
“I want to emphasize again how important it is for you to reconnect.”
“We all experience self doubt, but our friends know us, they know who we are, they know what we're capable of. They know how to lift us up and remind us of what we can do. It is so important to have that circle, to have folks in your corner.”
“They can give me a different perspective than a partner or a colleague.”
“People in our lives, people we trust that we have relationship with, can help us tremendously with stress, which again has been why 2020 was so difficult, and coming out of it has been a challenge.”
“Make the time, make the commitment to evaluate where you're at, and then be intentional about what you're going to do about it.”
Show Links:
Kelly’s homepage - http://www.kellytravis.net
Ascend Mastermind - www.kellytravis.net/ascend
Easily one of the most talked about stories coming out of the current Olympic Games is Simone Biles’ decision to pull out of some events for mental health reasons. Her actions have generated a vast amount of opinions representing many different views, and I find that there is so much involved with both her decision and the reaction to it that we can learn from and apply to our own lives. Join me today as, together, we engage in this very timely case study of strength, leadership, and courage.
We’ll start by reviewing both who Simone is and the decision she made at the Olympics this year, particularly in light of the narrative surrounding what we are led to believe strength truly means. We delve into the variety of opinions which her decision generated, some of the reasons behind these views, 3 lessons we can learn from the entire situation, and the comments offered by some of Simone’s fellow gymnasts, including a definition of just what exactly ‘the twisties’ are. Lessons learned through sports have always proven transferrable to our daily lives, and Simone’s actions at the Olympics this year exemplify this notion providing thought provoking guidance for us all.
So much of what we learn here today is also explored ever further in my Ascend Mastermind, the next cohort of which is now open for one more week as a six month program starting at the end of the summer. If you’re a high achieving entrepreneur or high level professional who is ready to uplevel your health and well-being (mental, emotional, physical) while creating and pursuing goals you actually want then this Mastermind is the perfect opportunity for you. You’ll get to strengthen your habits, get clear on what you want and be held accountable by, and find support among like-minded women as you ascend. Check out the details here: www.kellytravis.net/ascend, and if you would like to hear first hand from someone who has actually gone through one of my Ascend Masterminds, let me know and we can make that happen as well.
As always, if there is ever a topic you would like me to discuss or a guest you’d like me to interview on the podcast, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Simone Biles and the decision she made during these Olympics
- Narratives surrounding what strength is supposed to be
- Opinions regarding her decision and some reasons behind them
- 3 things we can learn from Simone
- The ‘twisties’
- Other gymnasts’ perspectives on Simone’s decision
Quotes:
“Recognizing that you're not okay to compete or participate in anything…and withdrawing by fighting the need to keep your pride, is strength and courage and leadership.”
“Strength is in recognizing that you are human, and you can't do it all the time.”
“Anytime we see someone behave in a way we are uncomfortable with doing ourselves, it stirs the emotional part inside of us.”
“Judging other people's coping decisions is the lowest form of arrogance.”
“This idea that humans need to do whatever is necessary to just keep going, to perform, to sacrifice their whole self, our whole self, is what makes us, you know, what leads us to burnout, leads us to emotional distress, physical distress, health issues, vulnerable, to being taken advantage of, right, all of these things.”
“Where am I still trying to live up to others' expectations, and how am I letting myself down by doing that?”
“Ignoring what our body and our mind are trying to tell us, is an epidemic in and of itself, and our society lives on autopilot.”
“What would happen if you started to choose you?”
“I believe she doubled down on winning when she opted out.”
“You don't owe anybody anything. And you especially don't owe them your body, your health or your autonomy.”
“We want to support others, we want to support ourselves. We need to listen and prioritize our health and well being, and we need to let go of expectations or perceived expectations.”
“The more we hear of people prioritizing their health and well being, the more we are given permission to do the same.”
“If this is something you want to continue to work on while you work on your goals, if you want to be able to work on that narrative, so that you do believe that you can prioritize yourself while also working on your goals, definitely check out Ascend. That's what we do.”
Show Links:
Kelly’s homepage - http://www.kellytravis.net
Ascend Mastermind - www.kellytravis.net/ascend
Why Naomi Osaka's French Open Withdrawal is a Mental Health Win
Adam Grant's Instagram Page
Former Gymnasts Explain the Dangerous 'Twisties' that Prompted Simone Biles to Withdraw
Catherine Burns on Twitter
For far too long we’ve been conditioned by society to believe that success is to be found only in the result - in fact, many dictionaries still define it this way. Well, that’s coming to an end here today. In this week’s episode, we’re going to change that old perspective, and I’m going to share with you a much healthier and more accurate definition, while also demonstrating just why this traditional way of looking at success is such a problem.
I’ll start by looking at various definitions of success, including my own, exploring society’s narrative regarding it, and running through some of the problems with the results oriented definition. We’ll finish up by discussing such crucial strategies as preparing for curveballs, focusing on the process, setting mini milestones, and, above all, having fun. Naturally, we all want to succeed in the various aspects in our lives – listen in today to get a better understanding of how to achieve that in a healthy way.
Defining success and what it looks like in our own lives is also a key component in my Ascend Mastermind, the next cohort of which is now open as a six month program starting at the end of the summer. If you’re a high achieving entrepreneur or high level professional who is ready to uplevel your health and well-being (mental, emotional, physical) while creating and pursuing goals you actually want then this Mastermind is the perfect opportunity for you. You’ll get to strengthen your habits, get clear on what you want and be held accountable by, and find support among like-minded women as you ascend. Check out the details here: www.kellytravis.net/ascend, and if you would like to hear first hand from someone who has actually gone through one of my Ascend Masterminds, let me know and we can make that happen as well.
As always, if there is ever a topic you would like me to discuss or a guest you’d like me to interview on the podcast, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Defining success
- Society’s narrative about success
- The problems with being so focused on the outcomes/results
- Preparing for curveballs
- Focusing on the process
- Setting mini milestones
- Having fun
Quotes:
“I now believe that success is about starting and staying in the game or the process, whatever you want to call it, pivoting when things get hard, getting up when you get knocked down, taking care of yourself through the process rather than falling victim to the hustle and the grind.”
“We have to acknowledge that there will be challenges that come along on the way towards a goal. It is vital to recognize this because it's the only way we will stay the course.”
“If you have your heart set on following a straight line, and it looks a little ugly, a little messy, then what's the likelihood of you staying in it?”
“The success in that was the process, definitely not the finish.”
“If we set ourselves up for failure at the beginning, and success, again, is based on the results, and the results are not really realistic in our particular life, then it's kind of sabotage.”
“Success is showing up and learning every day.”
“We have to force ourselves to really focus on the process because everybody's journey looks different.”
“For me to have a healthy relationship with running and for me to enjoy it, letting go of outcomes has to be a part of it.”
“Why the hell are we doing this stuff if we can't enjoy it in the process?”
“When you can change your perception of what success is and you can let go of the outcome and just focus on today, the results will come.”
“Look at milestones, consider potential curveballs anytime you look at a goal or set a goal, and plan for the fun.”
Show Links:
Kelly’s Homepage
Ascend Mastermind
How Fun Impacts Our Success
What motivates you? How can you feel more fulfilled? Why is change sometimes so hard? These are some of the big questions that we are going to dive into here today. As a certified Enneagram Coach, my work with clients always involves the use of this fantastic assessment tool which not only reveals how we behave, but more importantly, why we behave the way we do. It also leads us to identify our blind spots, triggers, and defense mechanisms, as well as how to confront them, and that’s what I want to share with you here today.
We’ll start by looking at how we protect our idealized self-image, the blind spots and defenses that are involved, and what exactly the Enneagram is and what it reveals about us. I’ll also use a number of examples to demonstrate the blind spots, triggers, and defense mechanisms associated with each Enneagram type and offer some ways to confront them as well. We’ll finish up by exploring what exactly you can do with this valuable information, including implementing the ‘lengthen the pause’ strategy. As you know, we’re all about moving forward and growing here at ‘She Doesn’t Settle’, and, as you’ll hear today, the Enneagram, with all that tells us about ourselves and others, is truly one of the keys to making that happen.
That is precisely why the Enneagram also plays such a crucial role in my Ascend Mastermind, the next cohort of which is now open as a six month program starting at the end of the summer. If you’re a high achieving entrepreneur or high level professional who is ready to uplevel your health and well-being (mental, emotional, physical) while creating and pursuing goals you actually want then this Mastermind is the perfect opportunity for you. You’ll get to strengthen your habits, get clear on what you want and be held accountable by, and find support among like-minded women as you ascend. Check out the details here: www.kellytravis.net/ascend, and if you would like to hear first hand from someone who has actually gone through one of my Ascend Masterminds, let me know and we can make that happen as well.
As always, if there is ever a topic you would like me to discuss or a guest you’d like me to interview on the podcast, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Protecting our idealized self image
- Blind spots and defenses
- The Enneagram
- Examples of blind spots and confronting them
- Triggers and some examples of them
- Defense mechanisms and examples of them
- What you can do with this information
- Lengthening the pause
Quotes:
“It really is a map for understanding our behavior.”
“We spend a lot of time creating an idealized self image for ourselves. And we do everything within our power to protect it.”
“We go through life on autopilot, we don't think about how we're behaving, how we're showing up. And we filter information through the biases of our personality.”
“We just have to be aware of those aspects of our personality that we're subconsciously choosing to ignore or avoid.”
“Confronting these blind spots involves looking objectively at our patterns and asking what change to my self image am I resisting?
“It's just really interesting to pay attention to these and to think through what might be your trigger.”
“If we don't process the events in some way that feels good, then again, it just kind of compounds.”
“Every personality is just so dynamic and interesting.”
“Rather than reacting blindly to triggers, you can start to work towards a more intentional response, a calmer response.”
“The goal is to get to a point where we're able to pause and choose a response - we're not led by old patterns that are not helpful.”
“When I work with my clients, we always take this a step further, a couple of steps further, with specific questions they can ask themselves to help challenge that core belief that lies at the heart of every defense mechanism.”
“When you know who you are, and then you understand the motivations of the other people in the group. It's so powerful because you get to help one another.”
Show Links:
Kelly’s homepage - http://www.kellytravis.net
Ascend Mastermind - www.kellytravis.net/ascend
Research resources:
An Introduction to the Power of the Enneagram
If there is one thing that we all indisputably have in common, it’s that we are all aging. What we may not have in common is our attitude toward this universal fact, and whether we find it limiting, empowering, or somewhere in between. Having recently turned 41 myself, this topic has been on my mind, and so, fully aware that we are all at different stages in this aging process, today I want to address it head on by sharing my own experience, research, and especially my belief that it’s never too late to pursue your goals and be who you want to be.
To start I’ll share some of the feedback I received regarding my post about feeling uncomfortable turning 41, the reality of getting older and what makes it complicated, and the physical and mental changes that occur with aging. We’ll also look at the anti-aging industry, some research that I have found and my response to it, some of the positives to be found in getting older, and, most importantly, what we can all do to make this process more enjoyable and to keep moving forward. Today, I share with you many of my own experiences and observations in this area, and, as always, I would love to hear about yours. So, please be sure to send me your feedback and maybe even share with me your goals and how you’re definitely not going to let aging get in your way of achieving them.
So much of what we talk about here today is also part of my Ascend Mastermind, which is now open as a six month program starting at the end of the summer. If you’re a high achieving entrepreneur or high level professional who is ready to uplevel your health and well-being (mental, emotional, physical) while creating and pursuing goals you actually want then this Mastermind is the perfect opportunity for you. You’ll get to strengthen your habits, get clear on what you want and be held accountable by, and find support among like-minded women as you ascend. Check out the details here: www.kellytravis.net/ascend, and if you would like to hear first hand from someone who has actually gone through one of my Ascend Masterminds, let me know and we can make that happen as well.
As always, if there is ever a topic you would like me to discuss or a guest you’d like me to interview on the podcast, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Kelly’s post about being uncomfortable turning 41 and the feedback she received
- The reality of getting older and what makes it complicated
- The physical and mental changes that occur with aging
- The anti-aging industry
- Some research regarding aging and Kelly’s response to it
- Some positives of getting older
- What we can do to make aging more enjoyable and keep moving forward
Quotes:
“I'm also a big believer that it doesn't fucking matter how old you are.”
“I was okay with being uncomfortable. I didn't see it as a bad thing. It was just real.”
“It is a constant reminder that I need to be strong and healthy, both mind and body. And I want to believe that my best years are ahead of me.”
“As much as I don't want to age, I really love being here. I feel so much more confident and so much stronger, even than just when I was in my 30s.”
“The wrinkly leg skin? Can we talk about that? Like right above the knee? What is that?”
“I think that society has really pushed women in particular to try to stay as young as possible.”
“I think one of the hardest parts about aging is that you feel young inside, but your body is showing, like, it's a little weathered, it's aging.”
“This is what we do in Ascend...we're challenging the thought that, you know, ‘It's too late’ or ‘I should just stay comfortable’ or ‘I should stay in this place.’ ”
“Society drives people in every way to look beautiful, which is why the physical part messes with us mentally.”
“We've got to be aware that the anti-aging industry is out to make money.”
“With age comes wisdom.”
“And I think the key to enjoying this stage of our life, staying out of the bottom out period that they refer to, is to not let responsibilities rule us, and to re-engage with or keep doing the things that we find fun and enjoyable.”
“We've got to really embrace where we're at and, and be kind to our body, and thank our body for showing up everyday and doing the things it does.”
“Instead of worrying about what you haven't done, how about you figure out what you can still do? It is not too late to be who you want to be.”
“I don't want you to be sitting back and just waiting for the right time, or constantly telling yourself that you can't because it's too late.”
Show Links:
Kelly’s homepage - http://www.kellytravis.net
Ascend Mastermind - www.kellytravis.net/ascend
How Fun Impacts Our Success
The Science Behind Strength Building and Anti-Aging
Doubling Down on Self-Care
Its Time to Improve Our Health and Immune System
Why You Must Build Rest into Your Busy Schedule
Five Ways to Improve Your Energy and Wellbeing
Allyson Felix's Twitter Page
I am so happy to share my good friend, Shannon Elhart with you all today. Shannon and I first met in a Mastermind around six years ago and we’ve kept in touch and supported each other over the years as we both experienced a lot of evolution in our businesses as well as our lives. Starting out as a teacher of severely emotionally impaired middle school students, Shannon went on to get a master's degree in counselor education and psychology which allowed her to become a counselor for children, and then went back to school to get additional certifications to work with adults as well. Her current project, The Forgiveness Tour, is as ambitious as it is necessary these days, and she tells us all about it here today. I do want to make you aware upfront that Shannon’s personal story, much of which she recounts in our conversation, includes struggles such as her experience with rape, the loss of her child, and depression. She uses these challenges to help others through her work, and we talk about it in depth during the interview.
Once again, I begin by checking in on how my guest is really doing these days, and then we explore ayahuasca ceremonies and Shannon’s experiences with them. From there, she walks us through her story including details of the loss of her son, Jonathan, her ‘epiphany bubble’, and the value of making choices and consistently asking ‘why’ in life. Shannon also talks about her revelation regarding the power of forgiveness, its four types and her advice regarding them, and her Forgiveness Tour. Our discussion concludes with an explanation of Adverse Childhood Experiences (A.C.E.s), their prevalence and impact in the world today, and exactly how she built her Tour Bus. A formidable woman who has done the work to channel her struggles and lessons learned into helping others, Shannon Elhart’s story of resilience and pursuing her mission in life will both inform and inspire as you listen in today.
Also, enrollment for my next Ascend Mastermind is now open, which is now a six month program and this cohort is starting at the end of the summer. If you’re a high achieving entrepreneur or high level professional who is ready to uplevel your health and well-being (mental, emotional, physical) while creating and pursuing goals you actually want then this Mastermind is the perfect opportunity for you. You’ll get to strengthen your habits, get clear on what you want and be held accountable by, and find support among like-minded women as you ascend. Check out the details here: www.kellytravis.net/ascend, and if you would like to hear first hand from someone who has actually gone through one of my Ascend Masterminds, let me know and we can make that happen as well.
As always, if there is ever a topic you would like me to discuss or a guest you’d like me to interview on the podcast, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- How Shannon is really doing these days
- Ayahuasca ceremonies and Shannon’s experience with them
- Shannon’s story
- Her son, Jonathan
- Shannon’s epiphany bubble
- Making choices
- Asking ‘why’
- The four types of forgiveness and Shannon’s advice regarding them
- Her Forgiveness Tour
- Adverse Childhood Experiences (A.C.E.s)
- Building her bus
Quotes:
“I did fall into my deepest depression a few months ago…but it was a gift.”
“I had a moment of clarity where I just opened up to God and the universe like I do and just said, ‘Okay, what do I do? Because I don't want to end my life, but I can't live this way.’ ”
“Everyone has to find their own way, and I think that's really more of an intuitive journey.”
“Oh my God, anyone in their early 20s, I'm like, please just use this decade to explore and get to know yourself and follow your heart.”
“It just felt right for me to carry him, and he was born September 21 of 2000. He did pass away the next day, and it was the most difficult experience I've ever been through, but it was also the most beautiful, the most powerful.”
“Who am I? And why am I living the life I'm living? Why am I doing the things that I'm doing? Why do I believe the things that I believe?”
“I feel honored that he was my son for such a short lifetime, and he changed my life in such a beautiful, dramatic way.”
“What finally did it was…adding self forgiveness, forgiving myself for all the things that I had done under the influence, but also forgiving people who had hurt me, who gave me reason to drink.”
“Healing the pain in your past will make everything about your life better. And the more you do it...the better your life becomes.”
“Our children now are experiencing more and more pain, and that's because we are passing it down.”
“It's too easy to judge ourselves. We just have to look back and reflect and learn and grow and then leave it behind. But we have to do that with other people too.”
“What does it feel like when you forgive?”
“My goal is to, you know, break the stigma of getting help with emotional pain, and communicate that there are many modalities you can use, but also to build more compassion and connection.”
Show Links:
Kelly’s homepage - http://www.kellytravis.net
Ascend Mastermind - www.kellytravis.net/ascend
Research resources:
Shannon's Homepage
Shannon Elhart: Counselor on YouTube
Shannon Elhart on YouTube
The Forgiveness Tour
The Forgiveness Tour Facebook Page
The Forgiveness Tour Instagram Page
Make a Donation to The Forgiveness Tour
Dr. Joe Dispenza Homepage
The Work of Byron Katie
Lisa Lee Homepage
We are all in for a special treat today, as life empowerment coach, enneagram guide, trainer, speaker, and freedom creatrix, Jessica Denise Dickson, joins me on the podcast. Jessica believes that when Black women heal, the world heals, and that the path to personal and collective healing comes through embodying our enneagram and liberation work, which, in turn, echoes into our communities and beyond, changing the world. She is so very much the perfect example of someone who doesn’t settle, and I know that you are going to absolutely love her just as much as I do as you listen in today.
As with all guests these days, we start by finding out how she is really doing currently, and then we explore Jessica’s journey to the work she does along with the lessons she has learned through her varied work experiences. She details what it means to live out her faith, how growing up as a preacher’s kid (PK) has shaped and informed her, the impact of purity culture, and anti-racism. We also look at various aspects regarding enneagram work including some misconceptions about it, how it helps people to do the work of liberation, and precisely what it is and is not. This is a conversation that goes deep, delves into so many crucial topics, and, thanks to the passion and mastery which Jessica brings to her work, is undoubtedly going to give you the chills.
Speaking of deep and rewarding conversations, enrollment for my next Ascend Mastermind is now open, which, in response to some valuable feedback I’ve received, will now be a six month program starting at the end of the summer. If you’re a high achieving entrepreneur or high level professional who is ready to uplevel your health and well-being (mental, emotional, physical) while creating and pursuing goals you actually want then this Mastermind is the perfect opportunity for you. You’ll get to strengthen your habits, get clear on what you want and be held accountable by, and find support among like-minded women as you ascend. Check out the details here: www.kellytravis.net/ascend, and if you would like to hear first hand from someone who has actually gone through one of my Ascend Masterminds, let me know and we can make that happen as well.
As always, if there is ever a topic you would like me to discuss or a guest you’d like me to interview on the podcast, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- How Jessica is really doing these days
- Jessica’s journey to her current work
- Lessons she learned during her varied work experiences
- Living out her faith
- How being a preacher’s kid (PK) shaped her
- Joshua Harris’ I Kissed Dating Goodbye
- Purity culture
- Misconceptions regarding the enneagram
- Her current work
- Anti-racism
- Sonya Renee Taylor’s The Body Is Not an Apology
- How the enneagram helps people do the work of liberation
- What the enneagram is and what it’s not
Quotes:
“The service that I'm providing for people is something that I have been doing for a while, but the business part of it is super new.”
“When I was growing up, I was called an Oreo - black on the outside, white on the inside.”
“What I believe is that God created us, that there is a being that we were created by. I do believe that, and that God created us to be human, and to be fully human.”
“We get to live the beauty and nuance of the lives that we have.”
“Living out our faith is reclaiming the fullness of our humanity and allowing space for others to, as well, while figuring out what there is to be faithful to.”
“We're fearfully and wonderfully made.”
“The Church has been a big source of the perpetuation of white supremacy as an institution.”
“I started my business really, from this idea that when Black women heal, that the world heals.”
“We don't just work for ourselves, we bring everyone along. There's no...rugged individualism that comes from white supremacy. We don't believe in that.”
“I've dealt with swastikas being drawn on doors, with the N-word being written on people's doors, with hate speech and hate crimes in my rule.”
“I've shifted from focusing on the narrowness of anti-racism, which is also great, to liberation, which is, ‘What does it look like for us to be free, not just personally, but collectively?’ ”
“True freedom will always liberate others.”
“It really wakes you up to what you have normalized, and what you've just kind of fallen into.”
“The work of the enneagram allows us to see ourselves as more than just those things that we put out into the world, like being the helper, being the strong one, being the protector, being the efficient one, being the achiever - all of these ways that we see ourselves. It gives us a chance to really reclaim all of who we are.”
“We do a lot of work around the nervous system and how the nervous system is programmed by white supremacy.”
“My work is not just finding a better way to express myself, it's actually looking and seeing ‘Okay, what are the ways that I know I'm going to be perceived because of white supremacy?’ ”
“Our souls were created to be more than just surviving or even trying to thrive in white supremacy.”
Show Links:
Kelly’s homepage - http://www.kellytravis.net
Ascend Mastermind - www.kellytravis.net/ascend
Research resources:
Jessica's Homepage
Jessica's Facebook
Jessica's Instagram
Jessica's Business Instagram
Jessica's Linktree
The Body Is Not an Apology
Today’s topic is one that I have been thinking about for quite a while and which has really hit home recently for me - the subject of fun. I ran my third marathon this past weekend, and fun played such a huge role in my success that I want to share the science behind it and the power it holds in all our lives. Too often seen as simply a diversion, infusing fun into our work and personal lives can have extraordinary effects, so let’s dig in together and discover precisely how to achieve this.
I’ll start by sharing my marathon experience and the part that fun played within it, and then we’ll look at the importance of defining what fun means for each of us before diving into the vast amount of scientific studies outlining the many benefits of having fun in our lives. We’ll also explore the positive impact that fun can have in our work, and, perhaps most importantly, I’ll review a number of steps you can start taking today to infuse a spirit of fun in your daily life. The time has come to throw away any old notions of fun being simply a diversion from success and give it the credit it is due for being the actual route to a successful life – let’s begin that work together here today.
If you want to learn how to infuse fun into your life even further, that is something we definitely act upon in my Ascend Mastermind, and, happily, enrollment is now open for the next session, which, in response to some valuable feedback I’ve received, will now be a six month program starting at the end of the summer. If you’re a high achieving entrepreneur or high level professional who is ready to uplevel your health and well-being (mental, emotional, physical) while creating and pursuing goals you actually want then this Mastermind is the perfect opportunity for you. You’ll get to strengthen your habits, get clear on what you want and be held accountable by, and find support among like-minded women as you ascend. Check out the details here: www.kellytravis.net/ascend, and if you would like to hear first hand from someone who has actually gone through one of my Ascend Masterminds, let me know and we can make that happen as well.
As always, if there is ever a topic you would like me to discuss or a guest you’d like me to interview on the podcast, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Kelly’s third marathon
- Defining fun for yourself
- The science behind the benefits of having fun
- John and Julie Gottman’s work
- Fun and work
- How to start having fun
Quotes:
“He told us all that our number one goal for this particular race was to have fun.”
“I promise you that my success this past weekend has a lot to do with what I shared with you in last week's episode.”
“I did run a PR and I did win the race.”
“I have really learned to appreciate every fumble, every perceived failure, every experience, as a way to get better, as a way to improve, to look for opportunities.”
“People who achieve big things and reach their goals, they're the ones who have fun doing it.”
“Having fun is not a diversion from a successful life, it is the route to get there.”
“This is who you are, don't stifle the things that you enjoy, because they make us feel better, they help us show up in our lives better.”
“It is the antidote to stress.”
“We don't stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing.”
“Couples who are happy know how to have fun together.”
“Get clear about what this looks like, and then make time for it.”
“Who cares if I'm not the best runner? If I'm having fun and I'm enjoying it, that is the most important thing.”
“We can look for inspiration from others because sometimes we don't even consider things to be something that could bring us joy.”
“Look for patterns in what was fun.”
“Think about the things that might be falsely creating fun in your life, too, and whether or not you want to keep those around.”
“Play around with being intentional about having more fun.”
“Letting go, as a rule, can create a lot of success.”
Show Links:
Kelly’s homepage - http://www.kellytravis.net
Ascend Mastermind - www.kellytravis.net/ascend
Research resources:
British Study: https://cls.ucl.ac.uk/cls-studies/1970-british-cohort-study/
Workplace study: https://journals.tdl.org/llm/index.php/llm/article/view/1982
This week, as I prepare for my second marathon of 2021, I’m struck once again by the sheer amount of mental energy that it takes to stay on track for achieving our goals. As we all know, that first day of starting to work on a new goal is full of positive energy, but today, I want to talk with you about all those other days in between. Those days after the first day and before the day you actually achieve your goal can be filled with hurdles and curveballs that can take you off course, and today, I want to show you how to overcome them.
This episode is all about getting past that first day of reaching your goal by understanding that adversity will arise, accessing the one motivational tool that works, examining how you’re approaching your goal, and understanding the difference between knowing, doing, and being. We’ll also explore the importance of ‘clearing the foundation’, making small, daily efforts, and the conclusions of a study regarding motivation. We all experience the excitement of starting to go after the goals we have chosen to pursue, and we also all go through those days in between when staying on course gets a lot tougher. Join me today to learn how to persevere and remain on track to achieve the success you deserve.
Today’s topic is definitely something we talk about a lot in my Ascend Mastermind, and, happily, enrollment is now open for the next session, which, in response to some valuable feedback I’ve received, will now be a six month program starting at the end of the summer. If you’re a high achieving entrepreneur or high level professional who is ready to uplevel your health and well-being (mental, emotional, physical) while creating and pursuing goals you actually want then this Mastermind is the perfect opportunity for you. You’ll get to strengthen your habits, get clear on what you want and be held accountable by, and find support among like-minded women as you ascend. Check out the details here: www.kellytravis.net/ascend, and if you would like to hear first hand from someone who has actually gone through one of my Ascend Masterminds, let me know and we can make that happen as well.
As always, if there is ever a topic you would like me to discuss or a guest you’d like me to interview on the podcast, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Getting past Day 1 of reaching your goal
- Recognizing that there will be adversity
- The one motivational tool that works
- The 2011 Harvard Business Review study on motivation conclusions
- Looking at how you’re approaching your goal
- The difference between knowing, doing, and being
- Clearing the foundation
- Small, daily efforts
Quotes:
“Day 1 has a different kind of energy than day 2, or day 55.”
“When we recognize that adversity is going to come, we can use adversity as a tool that will allow you to manage things in the midst of chaos. You'll move forward knowing it's part of the process.”
“Adversity usually tests you to see how bad you want it.”
“Progress keeps us on track...that's why I don't shut up about simple baby steps, doable tasks.”
“Of all the things that can boost emotions, motivation, and perceptions during a work day, the single most important is making progress in meaningful work.”
“When we focus on small daily actions tied to the larger goal, we feel invigorated and excited and inspired, and we move the needle.”
“What I do in my work with clients, and encourage you to do, is to reverse engineer that goal that you create, and bring it down to the smallest task that you can do today that gets you closer to that goal.”
“Self-trust is huge in my work.”
“When I work with clients, it's about creating a clear foundation, which is critical, and then integrating moving from knowing to doing and eventually being.”
“If you've got a nice shiny, pretty goal that you're going to pursue, don't put it on top of a whole bunch of crappy habits.”
“What is the small thing you can do every day?”
“We have to drop the focus on the finish line and focus on the gap between day one and the finish.”
“This is the work we do in Ascend.”
“My goal is to get you to a place where you trust yourself and you believe in yourself and you're able to go after whatever you want.
Show Links:
Kelly’s homepage - http://www.kellytravis.net
Ascend Mastermind - www.kellytravis.net/ascend
Research resources:
'The Power of Small Wins' from Harvard Business Review
While encountering fear is something that we all experience, how we respond to it can vary wildly. In this episode, I want to examine the nature of fear and share with you some strategies, many of which we explore during my Ascend Masterminds, that you can implement to help you face your own personal fears, whatever they are, and channel that energy in positive ways.
I’ll start off by looking at the different types of fear, why we should face them, and how we can respond to them. We’ll also dive into the concept of self-efficacy and how to set yourself up for an efficacious outlook, review some valuable resources, and then I’ll share 5 ways you can face your fears - complete with examples from my own life - and how you can implement them in your life as well. Experiencing fear is inevitable, and can actually prove highly valuable in helping us to achieve our goals – listen in today to learn how.
As mentioned above, doing things that scare us is something that we talk about in my Ascend Mastermind, and, happily, enrollment is now open for the next session, which, in response to some valuable feedback I’ve received, will now be a six month program starting at the end of the summer. If you’re a high achieving entrepreneur or high level professional who is ready to uplevel your health and well-being (mental, emotional, physical) while creating and pursuing goals you actually want then this Mastermind is the perfect opportunity for you. You’ll get to strengthen your habits, get clear on what you want and be held accountable by, and find support among like-minded women as you ascend. Check out the details here: www.kellytravis.net/ascend, and if you would like to hear first hand from someone who has actually gone through one of my Ascend Masterminds, let me know and we can make that happen as well.
As always, if there is ever a topic you would like me to discuss or a guest you’d like me to interview on the podcast, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Fear and how we respond to it
- The different fears
- Why face our fears?
- Albert Bandura’s concept of self-efficacy
- Setting yourself up for an efficacious outlook
- Susan Jeffers’ Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway
- 5 ways to face our fears
Quotes:
“While fear is here to protect us, it can also hold us back, because sometimes we fear things that aren't actually a threat.”
“Aristotle said ‘an individual develops courage by doing courageous acts’. It doesn't mean that the fear goes away. It means you just keep going in spite of the fear.”
“People who have performed well in the past doing something tend to believe the same will hold true for the future. So those folks approach difficult tasks, scary tasks, as challenges to be mastered, rather than scary threats that need to be avoided.”
“I love thinking through worst case scenarios, and I do this with my clients all the time...I call it catastrophic thinking.”
“How will you deal with it if that worst thing happens?”
“There's a lot of fear that is not necessarily rational, and by confronting it, that's how we move forward.”
“When we feel fear, the healthy fear, that fear signals that there's something on the line. And sometimes that's a reason to actually take action, to make the effort to go after that thing.”
“Just like stress and other less pleasant emotions, a certain amount of fear is healthy, and it's beneficial.”
“Our challenge is to determine when to listen to the fear and when to ignore it.”
“Exposure therapy, if you work with a professional, can be really helpful for these bigger things.”
“So that's exposure, right? Putting yourself in situations intentionally that feel safe to practice doing the thing that scares you.”
“We all know that repetition is one of the things that helps us to succeed.”
“To be able to slow down, pay attention to your thoughts, challenge them when they come up, will help you get rid of some of that spiraling.”
“Overthinking is the enemy of action.”
“All the fear goes away. Because you've started, you don't have to think about it anymore.”
“You'll never know what you're capable of, until you regularly go to the edges of your comfort zone.”
“What you had previously felt was uncomfortable, becomes almost natural.”
“Send a note to me to talk about Ascend!”
“Courage is not the absence of fear, it is acting in spite of it.”
Show Links:
Kelly’s homepage - http://www.kellytravis.net
Ascend Mastermind - www.kellytravis.net/ascend
Research resources:
Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway
'Pushing Yourself Beyond Your Edge' Episode
With a new cohort of my Ascend Mastermind approaching, it seems only fitting that we take this opportunity this week to look at the power of women supporting women. This is what Ascend is all about, and it is something that is not nearly as prevalent as it should be in society. It’s time to put female rivalry aside and focus on collaboration instead of competition, and you know I have some ideas about how we can achieve this together.
First of all, we’ll explore the origins of this rivalry, the importance of having safe spaces in which to discuss women supporting women, the nature of patriarchal workplaces, and some thought provoking questions to ask yourself. I’ll also explain ‘The Power Dead-Even Rule’, ‘The Queen Bee Effect’, the impact of society’s expectations on women, and the need to question existing stereotypes and narratives. To finish up, I will provide you with 5 key ways that you can help to raise each other up and channel the power of collaboration. For far too long, women havebeen expected to follow society’s pattern of competing with each other, and it is high time this comes to an end. Today’s episode provides the information and strategies for us all to begin this noble journey together.
Speaking of women supporting women, enrollment is open for an Ascend Mastermind this month, which, in response to some valuable feedback I’ve received, will now be a six month program. If you’re a high achieving entrepreneur or high level professional who is ready to uplevel your health and well-being (mental, emotional, physical) while creating and pursuing goals you actually want then this Mastermind is the perfect opportunity for you. You’ll get to strengthen your habits, get clear on what you want and be held accountable by, and find support among like-minded women as you ascend. Check out the details here: www.kellytravis.net/ascend
As always, if there is ever a topic you would like me to discuss or a guest you’d like me to interview on the podcast, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- The origins of female rivalry
- The importance of having safe and accepting groups in which to share with others
- Women supporting women
- Patriarchal workplaces
- Some questions to ask yourself
- Dr. Heim’s ‘The Power Dead-Even Rule’ and ‘The Queen Bee Effect’
- The impact of society’s expectations of women
- Questioning stereotypes and narratives
- 5 ways to raise each other up and channel the power of collaboration
Quotes:
“If we are wrapped up in our own insecurities and shame and stories about our own worth, we aren't going to be capable of supporting another woman.”
“Women operate on the scarcity principle - there's not enough for all of us.”
“If she succeeds, there's less of a chance that I will also succeed.”
“When we see each other as threats, we just break each other down. We're not building each other up, and we're not furthering our collective cause, which is to get more women at the table.”
“Are you competing more than collaborating?”
“When women behave in ways more typical of men, to display…that they fit in, that they can be powerful, they're trying to convince men they’re not like other women.”
“Fully capable women are losing themselves in this game and feeling disconnected from their own self in the process.”
“I think it's high time we decide what's best for us, and we support women who choose what is best for themselves.”
“Raising each other up and channeling the power of collaboration is how we'll change this.”
“You've got to do the work and pay attention to how much of your own insecurities are getting in the way of your ability to support other women.”
“There's research that shows women in particular benefit from collaboration over competition.”
“The more of us doing this together, the more we can push some of these things forward.”
“This is why Ascend is so powerful, because of that collective, because of the collaboration and the accountability and the support.”
“If you see a woman struggling, help her, don't judge her. Ask her how you can help provide information, provide resources...give her examples of how you succeeded in certain things, how you've been able to build relationships, how you've been able to grow.”
“Don't talk badly about other women, period. Don't gossip, don't throw them under the bus.”
“I don't see women publicly praising other women, as much as I think we could be.”
Show Links:
Kelly’s homepage - http://www.kellytravis.net
Ascend Mastermind - www.kellytravis.net/ascend
Research resources:
The Power Dead-Even Rule
Networks to Succeed
May is Mental Health Awareness month, and, as many of you will know, mental health plays a huge role both in both my personal and professional lives, so in today’s episode we’re going to dig down deep on it. I have purposely saved this episode for the end of the month with the intent that we all will take to heart the information and advice presented to ensure that we make this important topic a priority not just for one month each year, but that we continue to shine the light on it each and every day of every year.
I begin by reviewing mental health’s impact on virtually everything in our lives, my experiences with it in my own life, and the importance of raising awareness and education about mental illnesses. We’ll also look at the impact the pandemic has had upon people’s mental health and then explore the ways to consistently support mental health each and every day, complete with 5 mental health supports you can begin implementing in your own life immediately. Mental health is so critically important in everyone’s life and it’s crucial to remember that getting help with it is just as critical. Today, I offer some ideas that can definitely start you on the road toward achieving it, but, as always, do not hesitate to seek out assistance from other qualified professionals should you ever feel the need – it changed my life and can do the same for you.
Once again, enrollment is open for an Ascend Mastermind this month, which, in response to some valuable feedback I’ve received, will now be a six month program. If you’re a high achieving entrepreneur or high level professional who is ready to uplevel your health and well-being (mental, emotional, physical) while creating and pursuing goals you actually want then this Mastermind is the perfect opportunity for you. You’ll get to strengthen your habits, get clear on what you want and be held accountable by, and find support among like-minded women as you ascend. Check out the details here: www.kellytravis.net/ascend
And don’t forget, if there is ever a topic you would like me to discuss or a guest you’d like me to interview on the podcast, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Mental health’s impact on everything
- Kelly’s experiences with mental health issues
- Raising awareness and education about mental illnesses
- The pandemic’s impact on people’s mental health
- Some mental health statistics
- How to consistently support mental health
- Mental Health America 2021 Annual Conference
- 5 mental health supports
Quotes:
“If you’re like me, you probably grew up in a family with some major mental health issues, but nobody talked about it.”
“I became addicted to losing weight…it was the thing that allowed me to not feel.”
“Finally, they admitted me into the Psych Ward in Michigan.”
“I never really shifted from, like, surviving…to thriving…that took me another 12 years.”
“People who struggle with mental illness can hide it very well.”
“Today, I still struggle with depression.”
“The work that I do to help myself…is what I help my clients with.”
“There’s no shame in having some challenges, having some struggles.”
“Let’s start reducing the stigma.”
“I was on Prozac for 10 years. It helped me through my darkest times.”
“People seek out therapy for a number of reasons.”
“If you sit with a feeling for 90 seconds, it will pass.”
“People who exercise regularly have lower rates of depression.”
“People who consciously focus on the positives in their lives, tend to be happier.”
“How our digestive system functions, and how healthy it is…helps with our emotions.”
Show Links:
Kelly’s homepage - http://www.kellytravis.net
Ascend Mastermind - www.kellytravis.net/ascend
Uncovering the Science Behind Happiness with Kim Strobel
Reducing the Stigma of Mental Illness with Danielle Liss
Mental Health America 2021 Annual Conference
Mental health resources
HealthAmerica (MHA)
National Institute Of Mental Health (NIMH)
Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA)
National Alliance On Mental Illness (NAMI)
I have just a wonderful person that I want to introduce to you all today. Mae, or Misty, Wagner is an author, Trauma Navigation Mentor/Coach, and host of her own podcast, ‘The Rainy Day Collective’. Hers is a unique story featuring some difficult chapters, learning to use her own voice, and standing up for herself and others, which has led her to become a passionate advocate for women’s issues, their stories and empowering others to journey forward with support. Mae’s journey has brought her to a place where she is a connector of people, with a mission to make life better for those around her and for generations to come, and she shares it here today.
We begin, as with all guests, by finding out how Mae is doing in this post-2020 world, and then she embarks upon sharing the story of her journey to where she is now in life. Through her story, we learn of her mission in life, the battles she faced, learning to use her voice and the impact that moving to a fundamentalist household and its purity culture had upon her. She also recounts her journey of self-discovery, becoming a connector of people, wanting to be loved, being drawn to work that helps others, and how she shows up when she is healthy. Mae concludes our conversation with a glimpse into what she is up to these days and her thoughts on self-advocacy. Mae Wagner’s journey has been a long and, at times, difficult one, that has evolved into a life of serving others and sharing the wisdom and insight gained throughout her own story to enhance the stories of others.
Don’t forget that I’m opening up enrollment for an Ascend Mastermind this month, which, in response to some valuable feedback I’ve received, will now be a six month program. If you’re a high achieving entrepreneur or high level professional who is ready to uplevel your health and well-being (mental, emotional, physical) while creating and pursuing goals you actually want then this Mastermind is the perfect opportunity for you. You’ll get to strengthen your habits, get clear on what you want and be held accountable by, and find support among like-minded women as you ascend. Check out the details here: www.kellytravis.net/ascend
And once again, if there is ever a topic you would like me to discuss or a guest you’d like me to interview on the podcast, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- How Mae is doing post-2020
- Mae’s journey to where she is today
- Her mission in life
- Mae’s battles in life
- Learning to use her voice
- The impact that living in a fundamental household had upon her
- Her experience of self-discovery
- Becoming a connector of people
- Mae’s analogy of putting on another’s shirt
- Wanting to be loved
- Being drawn to work that helps people
- How she shows up when she’s healthy
- What’s Mae is up to now
- Her thoughts on self-advocacy
Quotes:
“I went through decades of my life where there wasn’t anyone to stand up and, kind of, fight in the battle with me.”
“When you don't see the person you need, be that person for yourself.”
“Now, it is my everyday wakeup mission is to be in the trenches for whatever women need someone to stand there with them, even if it's just solidarity of having a person stand there.”
“I just told everyone, and I really believe that saved my life.”
“Well before I realized what the word ‘advocate’ even meant, I was being forced to advocate.”
“Naming it takes away the power.”
“I definitely think that was more psychologically damaging, than the abuse itself.”
“So we were basically like two super screwed up people embarking on a life together at 18 and 19, which is terrible.”
“I was this discarded piece of garbage is basically how it felt all the time.”
“No matter how old we are, we can do that work, that self discovery, being a student of our own life, to find that young person again, right, whatever age that we may be at that time, for sure.”
“Life is so messy, so messy. I think we're better off acknowledging that.”
“We've worked through a lot of crap, but I can't imagine doing it with anybody else.”
“It all was so natural, just that the more I found myself, the more I found...that path and those feelings and that ability to stand up for other people first and then myself.”
“We have to be our truest self.”
“That fulfilling feeling is everything. It's way better than a pat on the back because we achieved some milestone.”
“We’re going to navigate the trauma and we’re going to process through it and deal with it so that it’s not something that revisits you in a few years.”
“You’re the most capable person to stand by your side.”
Show Links:
Kelly’s homepage - http://www.kellytravis.net
Ascend Mastermind - www.kellytravis.net/ascend
The Rainy Day Collective Podcast
Mae’s Twitter and Instagram: @rainydayinmay
This week, I want to talk to you about strength training, how it can actually help with anti-aging goals, and just what exactly that looks like. I’ve always been a huge fan of lifting weights – it makes me feel so damn good and powerful – and it also has some really incredible health benefits, all backed up with science, that I’m just so excited to dive into with you today.
We’ll begin by looking at the effects of aging, and then review 3 health areas that can be greatly impacted through strength training. I’ll also settle the debate about the impact of this training on weight loss and management, and give you some ideas about how to get started in one of the two types of strength training. Listen in today to learn how lifting heavy stuff could be one of the single most helpful things at your disposal for defying age – putting on muscle now will pay huge dividends in the future.
Don’t forget that I’m opening up enrollment for an Ascend Mastermind this month, which, in response to some valuable feedback I’ve received, will now be a six month program. If you’re a high achieving entrepreneur or high level professional who is ready to uplevel your health and well-being (mental, emotional, physical) while creating and pursuing goals you actually want then this Mastermind is the perfect opportunity for you. You’ll get to strengthen your habits, get clear on what you want and be held accountable by, and find support among like-minded women as you ascend. Check out the details here: www.kellytravis.net/ascend
And once again, if there is ever a topic you would like me to discuss or a guest you’d like me to interview on the podcast, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Effects of aging
- Muscle health
- Bone health
- Brain health
- Weight loss and management
- The two types of strength training
Quotes:
“Getting old is not the problem, right? What is the problem is when it affects your overall quality of life.”
“At some point in your 30’s, and you probably have noticed this, you start to lose muscle mass and muscle function.”
“You can close that gap and you can restore a lot of…the damage that comes with getting older, just by participating in strength training.”
“The studies show that strength training can play a role in slowing the bone loss, and several studies actually show that it can build bone.”
“It also boosts your calorie burn during and after your workout on top of it.”
“When you lift something, if you do squats, or you do something like a curl or a press, you're not just using your arms or just using your legs, you're using your entire body to do that motion.”
“It's critical that when you do any type of strength training, or body weight training, your form is on point. So if you can only do so many with the right form, that's all you should be doing.
“As always, make sure you consult with your doctor before you add in something like this,
“You can baby step your way in and really work your way up to it.
“There are so many mental benefits to exercise in general.”
“We want to be doing it now while we can, because it has a tremendous impact later in life.”
“It makes you feel powerful and it definitely gives you a different kind of energy.”
Show Links:
Kelly’s homepage - http://www.kellytravis.net
Ascend Mastermind - www.kellytravis.net/ascend
Study links
Sarcopenia
Slowing Osteoarthritis Progression
Body weight circuit training
In today’s sequel to last week’s episode about reviving old goals, I’m back to give you all an update on how my marathon went. As many of you will remember, this race marked a step in returning to my running career, and I had a set of goals for it that I was looking to achieve. What came out of this experience are a series of lessons that are equally applicable to life in general, and I share them with you all here today.
I’ll start by giving everyone a brief overview of my running history to date, and then delve into the unfinished business I have with it along with details of the marathon itself. Most importantly, I will share with you the valuable lessons that arose from my experience and how they can carry over into all our lives. You all know just how much I love to share my own life experiences and translate the lessons learned into strategies that can help us all, and I feel certain that you will find value in these ones I pass on to you here today.
I'm also super excited to announce that I’m opening up enrollment for an Ascend Mastermind this month, which, in response to some valuable feedback I’ve received, will now be a six month program. If you’re a high achieving entrepreneur or high level professional who is ready to uplevel your health and well-being (mental, emotional, physical) while creating and pursuing goals you actually want then this Mastermind is the perfect opportunity for you. You’ll get to strengthen your habits, get clear on what you want and be held accountable by, and find support among like-minded women as you ascend. Check out the details here: www.kellytravis.net/ascend
And don’t forget, if there is ever a topic you would like me to discuss or a guest you’d like me to interview on the podcast, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- A review of my running career
- Unfinished business in our lives
- Her recent marathon
- The lessons learned from the marathon and how they apply to life
Quotes:
“I have some unfinished business with running.”
“Over this last year, running has actually saved me.”
“There was a ten mile stretch along the beach where we were fighting fifteen to twenty miles per hour headwinds off the ocean.”
“Every time I race, I'm reminded of my resilience and my determination, and also how much I talk to myself during a race.”
“You have to really battle those voices, much like any other thing in our life…when things get hard.”
“It's always important to be able to, in the moment, talk yourself through other options, other possibilities.”
“Do what you can. Don’t quit.”
“If you're feeling burned out, if you're feeling like you need to, you know, give yourself space and grace, do that.”
“There is always more inside of you. We just don't think there is.”
“It's just a good reminder…no matter what we're doing, to be present, to take in the experience, to look for the beauty in the messy stuff.”
“Take the time to celebrate.”
“Motion, moving forward, taking action - that's what this is all about.”
Show Links:
Kelly’s homepage - http://www.kellytravis.net
Ascend Mastermind - www.kellytravis.net/ascend
I am so excited (as always) to bring you today’s episode about goals and specifically those goals that have been put on the shelf or shoved down because you may not have achieved them the first time you pursued them. Anyone who has ever tried at something has experienced this – I know I have - and, as a result, may find themselves a bit afraid to try again. Whether it’s a goal about fitness, career, relationships, or anything else in your life, the important thing is how you respond if you don’t immediately succeed, and today, I’m going to walk you through some steps that have worked for me which I know will work for you as well.
To begin with, I’ll review with you details of my goal involving running a marathon, and I’ll explain what I mean by ‘false starts’ in our lives as well as what I have learned from them over the years. We’ll then walk through the steps you can follow to respond to these events in your lives, complete with examples from my own experience. This is such an important conversation to have since dusting off old goals and employing a positive and productive approach to them can make a huge difference in our lives. I sincerely encourage you to dig out one of yours, begin to implement the strategies offered here today, and contact me with the details so I can offer the support that is so very crucial, and which you so richly deserve.
And don’t forget, if there is ever a topic you would like me to discuss or a guest you’d like me to interview on the podcast, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Kelly’s marathon goal
- ‘False starts’ and what Kelly has learned from them
- Steps to follow in responding to ‘false starts’
- Examples from Kelly’s experiences
Quotes:
“The difference is how we take what we learned from the first, second, or even fifth attempt, and we apply it to the next one.”
“We tend to chase other people's goals a lot, and that gets us into trouble.”
“It's the everyday work that we're doing that counts.”
“If we don't have people in our life that understand what we're working towards, they might try to distract us from the work we're doing.”
“Think about ways you can ask for help so you can commit time to your goal.”
“When it comes to the goal you’re pursuing right now, how consistent are you with your actions?”
“That messy middle is not fun!”
“We have to be in the moment, we have to be present when we're doing this work, because we can get in our head and it totally derails us.”
“This comes down to the self-talk we have with ourselves.”
“Just because you failed once or twice or three times does not mean you cannot achieve it.”
“Let me know if you're going to pull an old goal out and work on it again. I would love to know what that is…and I'd love to support you and cheer you on.”
Show Links:
Kelly’s homepage - http://www.kellytravis.net
New Year = New Steps for Crafting Purposeful (and Achievable) Goals
7 Key Takeaways from My First Marathon
How to Stay Confident (And Persistent) When Your Goal Is In Sight
Today, I want to introduce you to another wonderful human being whose story is as powerful as it is inspirational. Lisa DeLugo is a certified running coach, nutrition coach, and host of her own podcast, ‘Not Another Mother Runner’. She has a B.S in Biology, an M.A. in Counselling and Community Psychology, and, after overcoming a difficult divorce and other obstacles as a single mom, she now combines her education and life lessons to share them and inspire, motivate and empower other women.
In our very real and raw conversation, we begin by looking at how Lisa has managed through the past year and how she’s doing today, and then we delve deeply into her story. She walks us through the challenges experienced in her marriage and divorce as well as the role that running played and continues to play in her life. We also explore her desire to feel everything and learn from it, coming to terms with being on her own, bringing her therapy background into her coaching, and her current perspective on relationships. Lisa also movingly shares what she feels her daughter sees in her, and finishes by letting us know what she is up to these days. As you will quickly learn, Lisa DeLugo is a true badass whose gift of ‘empowering women through fitness and health and everything in between’ is undeniable, and is clearly on full display here today.
Please remember, if there is ever a topic you would like me to discuss or a guest to interview on the podcast, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- How Lisa is doing these days
- Her story leading up to where she is today
- Her marriage and divorce
- Becoming a runner and a running coach
- Wanting to feel everything and learning from it
- Coming to terms with being on her own
- Bringing her therapist background into her coaching
- Her perspective on relationships now
- The expectations that society places upon us
- What Lisa’s daughter sees in her
- What she is up to these days
Quotes:
“I crushed my goals in 2020.”
“It's fascinating to me how we fall into that trap and what society has kind of created for us to follow.”
“I wasn't happy, but I couldn't put my finger on it.”
“He may have said he loved me, but he didn't know what that meant in a marriage.”
“I had therapy sessions and then the running was like the supplement.”
“I was crying, like crying to the point where you can feel like you did a whole ‘ab’ workout. Like that kind of crying where your eyes are swollen and you feel like death…I wanted to die.”
“There's so many unwritten rules…about what it should look like in relationships.”
“Running is meditation.”
“I have my therapist on speed dial when I need her.”
“I am alone, happily so, and I'm okay with being alone.”
“I am not afraid to die alone. I'm not afraid because I'm okay.”
“Because she came from me, she has that strength as well.”
“I never want any woman to feel like she's alone.”
Show Links:
Kelly’s homepage - http://www.kellytravis.net
Not Another Mother Runner Homepage
Not Another Mother Runner Instagram
Not Another Mother Runner Podcast
I am so excited to be back from my break, and I sincerely hope you found as much value in revisiting the throwback episodes from the past couple weeks as I did. Today, I’m going to ease back in with a relatively short, but extremely important episode addressing what so many of us have gone through over the past year and the aftereffects which seem to be on the rise these days. Join me today as we dive into the topics of stress, burnout, and feeling stuck, the differences between the three, and what we can do about them.
I’ll offer a comparison between stress, burnout, depression and feeling stuck, including how they show up in our lives, and some steps you can follow to help manage them. I also share some of my own experiences with these feelings, some strategies that I use to work through them, and some valuable resources that you can access. Highlighted throughout the episode is the importance of recognizing the signs that would indicate you need to seek out help and the necessity of being open to receiving that help. Again, it is so good to be back, and I honestly can’t think of a more crucial topic to address given the times in which we find ourselves today.
As always, if there is a topic you would like me to discuss or a guest to interview on the podcast, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Comparing stress and burnout
- Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Amelia Nagoski and Emily Nagoski
- Some signs of burnout
- Comparing burnout and depression
- When you should get help from a counselor or a doctor
- Solutions for burnout
- Feeling stuck and what can be done about it
- BetterHelp
Quotes:
“You can have stress without burnout, but you can’t have burnout without stress.”
“What happens is we don’t actually handle the real stress that happens in our body.”
“The difference between stress and burnout is a matter of degree.”
“Truthfully, probably about 6 months ago, I started to just feel all the things, and I’m pretty sure I felt burnout, depression, and just being stuck, all at once.”
“Burnout shows up more related to work, whereas depression is definitely something that goes across the board.”
“There’s nothing wrong with being put on medication or getting help.”
“This is all about self-care, reset…restoration.”
“What can I remove from my plate?”
“That’s why I think a lot of people are experiencing both burnout and feeling stuck, and I know I have been.”
“We want to make sure that we’re still encouraging everybody else.”
“Find the little things that you can do that will move the needle.”
“If you are experiencing depression, don’t be shy. Please take that seriously, seek out a therapist, talk to somebody, a loved one, even your doctor, and get some resources.”
Show Links:
Kelly’s homepage - http://www.kellytravis.net
Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle
BetterHelp
This week, I’m bringing you yet another treasured episode in my throwback series which I’m running for a few weeks while I take some time to work on my writing. As you all know by know, I absolutely love throwbacks because they give us all the chance to reflect and see if we have been applying the information and strategies offered in these episodes, and to determine what we may need to do differently or where we may need to take more action in these areas. So once again, whether you’ve heard them before, or whether this is your first time, you are going to get something valuable out of these episodes, which just happen to be some of my favorites, so get your notepad ready and prepare yourself to soak up the knowledge and wisdom that is coming your way.
The interview I have chosen for you all today is so very special, as I sit down with one of my wonderful clients, Shea Green, to talk about her life and the transformation that she continues to experience as we work together. Born and raised in Las Vegas, Shea helped develop an LGBTQ group as a teenager, and later on hosted a lesbian support group as a volunteer. She is that remarkable type of individual who always steps up and will always be there for the people in her life whenever they need her. I find myself constantly in awe of her, and I know you will be as well as you listen in today.
Shea begins by sharing her remarkable adoption story and the impact that it has had on her life. She also describes her ‘coming out’ experience, her struggle for identity, the transformation which she continues to undergo, and the power and necessity of stepping into confidence with both her work and her relationships. We finish by looking at how Shea describes herself these days and her current life goals. As you listen, you will realize, as I have, that this is one amazing individual who is going places. I just know that you will find some aspect of her story that resonates with you and helps you see what is truly possible when you are ready and willing to put in the work necessary to have the life you want and deserve.
As always, if there is a topic you would like me to discuss or a guest to interview on the podcast, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
-
Shea’s adoption story and its impact upon her
-
Her ‘coming out’ experience
-
Shea’s identity struggle
-
Her transformation
-
Stepping into confidence in work and relationships
-
“Who is Shea?”
-
Shea’s life goals
Quotes:
“I struggled for a really long time with that abandonment issue, and it would relate to everything.”
“When I started going to your sessions is when I really started to do those breakthrough moments…it isn’t something that I’m doing, it’s just what happened.”
“As soon as I made that decision of, ‘This is who I am, and I need to tell the world’ it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.”
“I made sure to surround myself with people who had a similar mindset, who were supportive, who were in the LGBTQ+ community.”
“I’ve got to live up to Kelly’s expectations!”
“It shouldn’t be a one-sided situation ever in any kind of relationship. And if it is, you need to really re-evaluate that relationship and have a hard conversation…if you don’t, it’s the same as being in the closet, like it’s the same as carrying that weight.”
“I’m just a joyful person now.”
Show Links:
Kelly’s homepage - http://www.kellytravis.net
Free Download “5 Ways to Positively Manage Your Emotions"
Shea’s Instagram and TikTok: @sheaboogie05
Today’s episode is another powerful one in my throwback series which will be running over the coming weeks while I take some time to work on my writing. As I’ve mentioned before, I absolutely love throwbacks because they give us all the chance to reflect and see if we have been applying the information and strategies offered in these episodes, and to determine what we may need to do differently or where we may need to take more action in these areas. So once again, whether you’ve heard them before, or whether this is your first time, you are going to get something valuable out of these episodes, which just happen to be some of my favorites, so get your notepad ready and prepare yourself to soak up the knowledge and wisdom that is coming your way.
In this episode, I want to talk to you about an all too common stumbling block for women in having the energy and time to accomplish their goals, and that is martyrdom behavior. I know that this is a category that I fell into for a long time, and today we’ll explore if you are showing up in that way as well, and I’ll offer some tools to help you move through it so you can start enjoying the crap out of life!
We’ll begin by looking at just what the Martyr Complex is, where it shows up in our lives, and the costs associated with living out the martyr role. We’ll also review the part that guilt plays within this role, and I’ll share 5 steps you can take to help move you through martyrdom. As you’ve heard me say time and time again, we are not meant to have to struggle and suffer to have the life we want, but we are meant to enjoy life and having fun plays an important role within that. Today’s episode is your invitation to flip the switch, to shift your mindset, to change the behaviors, and to start to live your life in a very different way so that you feel happier, more fulfilled, and better prepared to move forward on your goals.
As always, if there is a topic you would like me to discuss or a guest to interview on the podcast, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
-
The Martyr Complex, where it shows up, and the costs involved
-
The part that guilt plays in taking on the martyr role
-
5 steps to help you move beyond martyr behavior
Quotes:
“We wrap our identity up in this thing where we have to be the one who is suffering and doing everything so that everybody else can enjoy their life.”
“The suffering that some women feel boils down to contradictory and irreconcilable values.”
“There is a lot of guilt that women experience when they are focusing on their career or their business and feel like it’s interfering with their responsibilities at home.”
“On one hand, being a martyr is about experiencing the struggle and suffering and sacrificing yourself for the sake of others, and on the other hand, it’s about these false rewards you receive from behaving this way. And that’s what I want you to identify.”
“The more we do things we want to do, the less resentful we are towards those who are enjoying life.”
“No one else is responsible for giving you permission to set aside time for you – that’s on you…you are entitled to your own time…it is not a luxury, it is a necessity.”
Show Links:
Kelly’s homepage - http://www.kellytravis.net
Today’s episode is another powerful one in my throwback series which will be running over the coming weeks while I take some time to work on my writing. As I’ve mentioned before, I absolutely love throwbacks because they give us all the chance to reflect and see if we have been applying the information and strategies offered in these episodes, and to determine what we may need to do differently or where we may need to take more action in these areas. So once again, whether you’ve heard them before, or whether this is your first time, you are going to get something valuable out of these episodes, which just happen to be some of my favorites, so get your notepad ready and prepare yourself to soak up the knowledge and wisdom that is coming your way.
This particular episode features Danielle Liss, a lawyer based in Las Vegas who specializes in streamlining every conceivable legal hurdle for small business owners. To give you an idea of her impressive resume, she’s the founder and CEO of Businessese (which specializes in DIY legal templates), the owner of Liss Legal, the full-time general counsel for an eight figure digital health and fitness company, and, to boot, she’s been named one of the top lawyers in Las Vegas for the last two years.
Danielle has also struggled with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) for a very long time, and, after finally receiving treatment for her condition, she now advocates for pushing the conversation about mental health into the open so everybody can become more comfortable with it. In fact, it was while I was coaching Danielle that she chose to address her OCD and not settle for what life and her mind had thrown her way.
In this interview, Danielle discusses her history with this condition, explains why sufferers of mental illness should be open to medication and why it’s nothing to be ashamed of, and examines how we can confuse mental illness for some essential part of who we are. By the end of this interview, I hope that her story inspires you and you feel empowered enough to take action in your own life if you, yourself, are struggling.
As always, if there is a topic you would like me to discuss or a guest to interview on the podcast, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
-
Danielle discusses books and explains why she prefers to listen to non-fiction rather than read it.
-
How Danielle came to work with me and identify some of the compulsions that were adding to the stress in her life.
-
What it’s like to live with negative and disturbing intrusive thoughts.
-
Exploring the fear that treating mental illness can impede some unique aspect of your personality.
-
Why it’s important to overcome a fear of psychiatric medication, especially if mental illness is affecting your life on a day-to-day basis.
-
Perhaps the most essential step: finding some outlet, be it a professional or a friend or even a journal, that will help you collate your thoughts.
-
Which questions you SHOULD and SHOULDN’T ask someone struggling with OCD.
-
If you don’t have a mental illness, what terms should you use to describe your quirks that don’t co-opt the struggles of those who do deal with them?
-
TAKE ACTION: if you have thoughts or feelings on this discussion, or your own experiences with mental health that you’re willing to open up about, please share your response to this episode on social media!
Quotes:
“A piece of me was extremely happy that there was a name for this.”
“It’s been a really interesting period of reflection as I have determined what does actually make me succeed.”
“If you are struggling, go to a professional, talk to them.”
“I am all for what works, but don’t deny it just because it’s dispensed by a pharmacist.”
“You’ve gotta have that one person you can break the ice with.”
“This diagnosis is a part of me, it’s not all of me.”
Show Links:
Liss Legal - https://www.lisslegal.com/
Businessese homepage - https://www.businessese.com/
BetterHelp Professional Counseling - https://www.betterhelp.com/
Talkspace Online Therapy - https://www.talkspace.com/
Kelly’s homepage - http://www.kellytravis.net
This week’s episode is another in my throwback series which will be running over the coming weeks while I take some time to work on my writing. As I’ve mentioned before, I absolutely love throwbacks because they give us all the chance to reflect and see if we have been applying the information and strategies offered in these episodes, and to determine what we may need to do differently or where we may need to take more action in these areas. So once again, whether you’ve heard them before, or whether this is your first time, you are going to get something valuable out of these episodes, which just happen to be some of my favorites, so get your notepad ready and prepare yourself to soak up the knowledge and wisdom that is coming your way.
In this throwback episode, we’ll explore those times when you may have come up against resistance after considering a goal - whether it be personal, health, business, etc. It’s not that we necessarily talk ourselves out of making these big changes consciously—rather, our brains are wired to protect us from any sort of change that could feel scary, and as a result will throw all kinds of excuses our way. Our brain likes comfort and uniformity, not shaking things up in order to take big risks and playing a bigger game. So it’s important that we acknowledge the excuses that come up that often derail us when we consider moving from “I’m fine” to “I’m ready to stop setting and take action”.
Today, I will walk you through what I believe to be the five most common excuses women and men alike fall back on to keep from progressing in their personal and professional lives, and explain what you can do to rebut these mental arguments when they come up. I’ll also share the empowering story of Lucy Hobbs and emphasize the importance of being proactive instead of reactive in your life.
As always, if there is a topic you would like me to discuss or a guest to interview on the podcast, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
-
The conversation Kelly recently had with another woman that got her thinking about what the excuses we tell ourselves cost us in the long run.
-
The first and most common excuse: that you don’t have time to pursue your goals and enact significant change.
-
The second excuse: that you’re not ready to make the necessary changes to turn your goals into realities.
-
The third excuse: you’ve failed at this goal or something similar before and you think you’ll fail again.
-
The fourth excuse: that you’re not [INSERT TRAIT] enough to pursue your goal.
-
The fifth and often most limiting excuse: that you’re fine where you currently are and don’t need to go after any other goals.
-
TAKE ACTION: Write down the goal you’re having the hardest time pursuing, and then jot down all of the excuses that deter you from turning that dream into a reality. Think really hard about these excuses and pinpoint the reasons why they are, in Kelly’s words, “bullshit,” and how you’re going to combat them.
Quotes:
“No one feels like doing the work to change but those that reach that next level of success do it anyway.”
“You don’t have to prove you’re Superwoman by doing all the things.”
“If you’re doing all of it, you’re not doing it right.”
“There’s so much we can do in ten minutes that literally moves the needle forward.”
“Just find one thing that shows some progress and gets you in the damn race.”
“The failures in our past are opportunities to change our approach.”
“You are meant to do more and you are meant to feel your best doing it.”
Show Links:
Kelly’s homepage - http://www.kellytravis.net
Today marks the first episode in my throwback series which will be running over the coming weeks while I take some time to work on my writing. I absolutely love throwbacks because they give us all the chance to reflect and see if we have been applying the information and strategies offered in these episodes, and to determine what we may need to do differently or where we may need to take more action in these areas. Whether you’ve heard them before, or whether this is your first time, you are going to get something valuable out of these episodes, which just happen to be some of my favorites, so get your notepad ready and prepare yourself to soak up the knowledge and wisdom that is coming your way.
This first episode in the series concerns a topic that many listeners—and yours truly—find triggering: body image, the relationship we have with our bodies, and how to positively change this in our culture. In North America, 85-95% of women are either extremely dissatisfied with or flat-out hate their bodies. That’s an epidemic of poor self-image and self-worth, one so widespread that there’s no single cause.
While I was at a Mastermind retreat this past weekend, I learned about Mirna Valerio, an “ultrarunner,” cross-country coach and author of the memoir A Beautiful Work in Progress. Mirna’s words inspired me to revisit the conversation around body image and discuss it on a deeper level. So for this episode, I’m going to discuss how body image can be an intergenerational issue, explain why body positivity can backfire, and leave you with some powerful parting words from Mirna.
As always, if there is a topic you would like me to discuss or a guest to interview on the podcast, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
-
Looking back on how older members of my family shaped how I began to look at my own body.
-
Exploring the shockingly high percentage of American women who are dissatisfied with their bodies and how those feelings originate.
-
How even the health industry can have a negative impact on how women eat and treat their bodies.
-
Why we need to listen to what our body actually needs rather than try to impose an unnatural lifestyle on it.
-
Addressing one of the central conceits of body positivity and how it can actually impact you negatively.
-
How unhealthy social media usage can further distort how we feel about our bodies, and what you can do to mitigate those feelings.
-
I share my VERY strong feelings on the subject of positive affirmations, namely why I think they aren’t as constructive as we’d like them to be.
-
I read some inspiring final few words from Mirna Valerio that may help you think differently and more constructively about your body.
Quotes:
“Our body and our mind are connected and we need to begin to treat it that way.”
“Using food to control what our body looks like gives us an illusion of safety.”
“Start paying attention, ask your body what it needs, and freaking listen!”
“You don’t have to wait for something to change to accept yourself.”
“The body follows where the mind goes.”
“No matter our background, how much we weigh, the color of our skin—any of that—what we share is that we all have a body and we have a relationship with that body.”
Show Links:
Kelly’s homepage - http://www.kellytravis.net
I am so excited to share today’s guest, nationally-recognized speaker & happiness coach, Kim Strobel, with you all today. As a leadership and happiness coach, Kim helps businesses and organizations prioritize their health and well-being so they can reach new levels in their personal and professional lives. Kim also suffers from panic attacks, the story of which she openly discusses here today and throughout her work in an effort to help all those who have experienced dark times realize that coming out the other side of these times is very much within everyone’s grasp. Kim and I are definitely on the same page and we talk about a lot of the same things - I absolutely adore her and I know you will as well.
As with all guests, I begin by checking in on how Kim is doing these days, and she responds with her trademark honesty and straightforwardness, and then we explore her journey to where she is now. Along the way, Kim’s describes the story of her panic disorder, some strategies she implemented on her own to address it, a truly pivotal moment in her life and the help that her doctor and psychologist provided for her as a result. She also recommends a valuable resource for those who experience anxiety and panic attacks, describes how ‘The Happiness Coach’ was born, details her relapse in 2018, and shares the science behind happiness and some powerful strategies for us all to implement. Kim’s closing comments regarding the need to honor and embrace both yourself and your own level of happiness, supported by years of research and her own experiences, will undoubtedly resonate with you and give you greater clarity regarding your own happiness and your ability to get through hard times. The hard work Kim has done over the years has changed her life, and it can have the same impact for you as you listen in today.
I just want to give you a heads-up that, over the next few weeks, I will be taking a bit of a hiatus from recording the podcast and will, instead, be revisiting some ‘Best of She Doesn’t Settle’ episodes from the past. I’m currently involved with a very time intensive memoir writing workshop, so I’ve selected a few of my favorite episodes to put out there again as a refresher for current listeners, and as an introduction for those new to the podcast. Rest assured, I will be back with new episodes in a few weeks – in the meantime, please enjoy my ‘Best of’ series.
As always, if there is a topic you would like me to discuss or a guest to interview on the podcast, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- How Kim is doing these days
- Kim’s journey to where she is right now
- Her panic disorder and hew own strategies she implemented to address it
- A pivotal moment in her life
- Comparing an anxiety attack and a panic attack
- Rewire Your Anxious Brain by Catherine Pittman
- How Kim’s doctor and psychologist helped her
- How ‘The Happiness Coach’ was born
- Fixing ‘the inside’
- Kim’s relapse in 2018
- Finding learning in dark times
- Her Happiness work and research
- Happiness baselines and how to increase them
- The impact of your actions, thoughts and behaviors on your happiness
- Happiness and productivity
- Moving from a pessimist to an optimist
- The science behind happiness
- Gratitude practices
- Honoring and embracing yourself and your own level of happiness
Quotes:
“The biggest lesson…is to not try to pretend who we’re not.”
“When I was a little girl, I always knew I was an anxious child.”
“I think that we know that anxiety disorders have a genetic disposition to them.”
“I was a totally high functioning, normal looking student…but I had these inner struggles that I didn’t understand, nor had I ever heard anything about, so I definitely felt like I was different.”
“I had a little bit of counseling just to get me to Disneyworld, but that was it.”
“I kept functioning as best I could, but it got to the point, Kelly, where I felt like I was having ten or more of these, what we now know are, panic attacks, in a day’s time.”
“It was a struggle to just be alive.”
“I really pleaded with God to just take my life.”
“You are made for more.”
“It is the most intense fear that a person can feel.”
“My brain can’t attach any reason to why I’m feeling this distress, and because my brain can’t attach a reason for it, I think I’m crazy and losing my mind.”
“Within 8 weeks, the panic attacks had been reduced by about 90%.”
“Mental health and becoming a better version of ourselves is going to be a lifelong process.”
“I’m going to take 100% responsibility for my life.”
“I honor my fierceness while I also love and accept my vulnerabilities.”
“I’m my best prodigy for this here.”
“When a person shuts down their feelings…it will turn into mental, emotional, or physical illness in some form or other.”
“Only 10% of your long term happiness comes from your external circumstances.”
“Find your happy in the now while you’re working on those goals.”
“It teaches your brain to start scanning your environment for things that are good versus all the things that are bad.”
“We just have to honor who we are.”
Show Links:
Rewire Your Anxious Brain
Strobel Education homepage
Kim Strobel homepage
She Finds Joy Facebook Group
She Finds Joy Podcast
Kim Strobel Instagram
Free gratitude prompt
I am so excited to bring you today’s interview with TaVona Denise, an Atlanta-based business accelerator, speaker, and life coach whose viewpoints, perspectives, and enthusiasm to create change and help others so closely align with my own. Certified in life, weight, and wellness coaching, TaVona is the author of Unstoppable Success: How to Finally Create the Body, Business and Lifestyle You Want, and the founder of Thrive Network. She is also fully committed to helping new entrepreneurs get past fear and overwhelm to successfully launch their businesses without burning out in the process, and, as you will discover, she is a true badass who brings the fire in our conversation here today.
I begin as I do with all guests these days by finding out how TaVona is doing with all that is, and has been, going on in the world for the past year, and then we delve into her journey to where she is now, including what she was like as a child. We then dive into her penchant for breaking rules in business, the impact of worrying about others’ opinion, the story of her own massive success and overwhelm, and the power of following your own unique truth. TaVona also describes the value she finds in coaching, her ‘Launch Optimization Model’, her self-care process, and her musical experience. She concludes our conversation by offering a glimpse into her ‘Sold Out Services’ initiative and how it can help entrepreneurs crush their launches. TaVona Denise is one powerful individual with a vast amount of experience and wisdom to share, and that’s precisely what she does here today with her trademark abundance of conviction and passion.
If there is a topic you would like me to discuss or a guest to interview on the podcast, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- How TaVona’s doing these days
- Her journey to where she is today
- TaVona as a child
- Breaking rules in business and how TaVona is doing it in her business
- Self-assessment and adjustment
- Worrying about others’ opinions and making a mistake
- Her massive success and overwhelm
- Following your unique truth
- The value TaVona finds in coaching
- The Launch Optimization Method
- Her self-care process
- TaVona’s start in singing and piano
- Neo Soul
- Sold Out Services
Quotes:
“Mary Kay was my first business.”
“I have always been kind of a rebel.”
“Business is the self-development course you didn’t know you needed.”
“Out of all of the people around me, they come to me and they somehow know that I can help them.”
“The ‘Master’s Curse’…they forget what it was like to be a beginner.”
“Sometimes we have to kind of slow down to speed up.”
“Going after goals that we don’t actually want, just sucks the life out of you.”
“What kind of example do I want to set?”
“If you think that more is coming, more is coming.”
“I’m going to be myself and I’m going to share my unique truth….and that is scary.”
“It’s okay if you don’t accept how I am, because I accept me – that was the biggest lesson I learned.”
“If I just speak up and say what’s real for me in the moment, maybe I will empower somebody else to do the same.”
“Once you clear something for yourself, you can see it in other people.”
“I love solving problems.”
“Launch, rocket – I mean, it all goes together. It’s like it was right there in front of you.”
“I want to take care of me first before I serve anybody else.”
“Let’s get in there, let’s launch, and sell out within 90 days…it’s not ‘learn’, it’s, like, ‘do’.”
“And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ― Marianne Williamson
Show Links:
TaVona's homepage
TaVona's Facebook page
TaVona's Instagram page
TaVona's Neo Soul Band
Sold Out and Stress Free Interactive Masterclass
Today’s episode may be a quick one but it’s a powerful one packed with great information about how to push yourself beyond your edge, test your limits, and get to the next level in the process. While it’s not something we should be doing everyday, really pushing yourself beyond what you think you can do from time to time can have a profound impact upon your perception of your capabilities and your preparedness for challenging times. It’s something I build into my Mastermind and my own life, and I’m so excited to share with you all here today.
I’ll start off by explaining what I mean by practicing ‘the splits’, and then look at how I use this as part of my goal-getting, taking action steps, and the ‘Brain Over Body’ study involving Wim Hoff. We’ll also explore how this exercise changes your perception, the power of ‘big ass challenges’, and how this information is applicable in all aspects of your life. Like I said, this is a quick little episode, but its impact is huge as it deals with a big idea that will challenge you, shake things up, and most importantly, prove to you that if you take control of your thoughts, you can go wherever you like.
I also want to remind you of my 9-month Ascend Mastermind that will be starting this month! If you’re a high achieving entrepreneur or high level professional who is ready to uplevel your health and well-being (mental, emotional, physical) while creating and pursuing goals you actually want and also putting the overwhelm of 2020 in the rear view, then this Mastermind is the perfect opportunity for you. You’ll get to strengthen your habits, get clear on what you want and be held accountable by, and find support among like-minded women as you ascend. Check out the details here or email me at support@kellytravis.net.
And, as always, if there is a topic you would like me to discuss or a guest to interview on the podcast, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Practicing ‘the splits’
- Action steps
- Kelly’s race training
- Wim Hoff and The ‘Brain Over Body’ study
- Changing your perception
- ‘Big ass challenges’
- Applying this all aspects of your life
- The Gottmans’ Eight Dates
- Breathwork
- What is your ‘big ass challenge’?
Quotes:
“Once in a while you’ve got to throw in something really difficult to keep you on your toes.”
“You are capable of going beyond what you perceived you were able to do.”
“He has proven that the body is capable of anything if the mind allows it.”
“Our brain basically supersedes our body.”
“The mind forms the physical brain and the brain forms the experience of the mind.”
“Change in any direction is possible.”
“It gave us the confidence, after we finished, that we were capable of going beyond what we expected, and that there’s always something left in the tank.”
“Your mind makes you strong from within.”
“When things get challenging, you’ve already practiced for it, you’re ready for it.”
“If you can learn how to use your mind, anything is possible.”
Show Links:
Ascend Mastermind
The 'Brain Over Body' Study
Eight Dates
Wim Hoff
I am so excited about today’s episode since I am finally introducing you to a tool that I use daily in my work, the Integrative Enneagram. Whether you love or hate traditional personality assessments, I can assure you that you will find true value in what the Enneagram has to offer as it provides deeper insights in your motivations, limiting beliefs, anxieties, and hidden fears, as well as how to address them. I believe in it so much that I use it with individuals, teams, and most importantly, myself to help understand my view of the world and how I can broaden it to both grow and thrive. There is so much to share about this remarkable tool, and today’s episode represents just the tip of the iceberg.
I begin by reviewing just some of the many benefits of the Enneagram and how I use it in my work, as well as a short description of how our personality develops and the history of the Enneagram itself. Naturally, I geek out on exploring the science behind the Enneagram, what can be learned from it, the three centers involved with it, and give a glimpse of my own Type. I conclude by offering a brief overview of the Enneagram Types’ Motivations and Styles, and a standing invitation to all those interested to contact me should they wish to learn more. Today’s episode is really just an introduction to this powerful tool – there is so much more to it that we can explore, and we will do just that in an upcoming episode. Definitely not one of those oversimplified assessments that simply puts you in a box, the Enneagram possesses an adaptive, multidirectional focus that acknowledges each person’s individuality, and helps them understand themselves more deeply in the process. I absolutely love it, and I know that you will, too.
The Enneagram is also a key component of my 9-month Ascend Mastermind that will be starting this month! If you’re a high achieving entrepreneur or high level professional who is ready to uplevel your health and well-being (mental, emotional, physical) while creating and pursuing goals you actually want and also putting the overwhelm of 2020 in the rear view, then this Mastermind is the perfect opportunity for you. You’ll get to strengthen your habits, get clear on what you want and be held accountable by, and find support among like-minded women as you ascend. Check out the details here.
Another way you help you understand your motivations and your style would be to join my next free ‘Clear AF’ workshop, which will offer you some extra support in getting clarity on what you really want as well as a strategy to implement to start your journey toward achieving it. The workshop takes place Tuesday, February 16, 2021, at 4:00 PM PST, and you can sign up for it here: sign up, or by contacting me through email.
And, as always, if there is a topic you would like me to discuss or a guest to interview on the podcast, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- The many benefits of the Enneagram
- How Kelly uses it with individuals and teams
- How our personality develops
- The history of the Enneagram
- The science behind it
- Neuroplasticity
- What can be learned through the Enneagram
- The three centers
- Kelly’s Type
- A general description of the Enneagram Types’ Motivations and Styles
Quotes:
“So many of our actions come from this place we’re not even aware of.”
“It helps so much with communication and relationships and goal setting.”
“This deeper understanding is so rich and so powerful when it’s put into action.”
“Personality may even be influenced by experiences while in the womb.”
“It works in conjunction with this understanding of neuroscience and how the brain develops, and… those pathways that we create.”
“This tool allows you to make sense of how you’re thinking and why, and then how to start to pay attention and make those changes.”
“We have not one, but three brains.”
“It’s not stereotyping.”
“Lots of Type 2’s struggle with boundaries.”
“6’s are typically those folks that are, like, prepared for the worst case scenario.”
“Major fear of missing out coming out of the 7’s, but they are awesome visionaries.”
“4’s search for meaning, depth, authenticity.”
“8’s are forces of nature…they love to be in control.”
“9’s are diplomatic…very attuned to the needs of others.”
“There are so many other factors that play into what makes up a number and how you show up.”
“You don’t really know until you take the actual assessment.”
Show Links:
Ascend Mastermind
The Enneagram Institute
As incredible as it may sound, we are now in February 2021, and it’s coming up on a year since the pandemic hit. For a lot of us that also means that it’s been almost a year since our kids have been in school, and that is partly what I want to discuss with you all today. Over the past 11 months, I have found myself saying ‘No’ a lot more, especially with my kids at home, and I’m sure I’m not alone in this, so it’s something worth examining together. To be clear, I’m not dismissing all the work we do together to say ‘No’ to those parts of your life that need established boundaries – not at all. What I’m talking about today is looking at those other aspects which you may be holding back on for other reasons, and discerning whether or not they may be found worthy of a ‘Yes’.
In fact, we’ll begin by reinforcing the fact that boundaries continue to play an important role in achieving our goals, and that you need to determine which situations definitely deserve a ‘No’. Having firmly established that foundation, we will then look at the benefits of saying ‘Yes’ to the right things and explore some examples from the lives of Richard Branson, Shonda Rhimes, and my own as well. Building on this fundamental understanding, I’m sharing 7 ways you can go about saying “Yes’ to some key components in your life. I also strongly recommend re-visiting a couple previous podcasts regarding core values and saying ‘No’, which are referenced in the links below. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that we need to say ‘Yes’ to everything that comes our way, but we do need to achieve some clarity to determine where we can say ‘Yes’ more often and improve our lives and the lives of those around us in the process.
In fact, one way to use your voice and say ‘Yes’ to something that will contribute greatly to your growth is to sign up for my 9-month Ascend Mastermind that will be starting this month! If you’re a high achieving entrepreneur or high level professional who is ready to uplevel your health and well-being (mental, emotional, physical) while creating and pursuing goals you actually want and also putting the overwhelm of 2020 in the rear view, then this Mastermind is the perfect opportunity for you. You’ll get to strengthen your habits, get clear on what you want and be held accountable by, and find support among like-minded women as you ascend. Check out the details here.
Another way to help you help you say ‘Yes’ to moving forward with your intentions and goals would be to join my next free ‘Clear AF’ workshop, which will offer you some extra support in getting clarity on what you really want as well as a strategy to implement to start your journey toward achieving it. The workshop takes place Tuesday, February 16, 2021, at 4:00 PM PST, and you can sign up for it here: sign up, or by contacting me through email.
And, as always, if there is a topic you would like me to discuss or a guest to interview on the podcast, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Discerning those things to say ‘Yes’ to
- The benefits of saying ‘Yes’ to the right things
- Richard Branson’s example
- Kelly’s own examples
- Shonda Rhimes and The Year of Yes
- 7 ways you can say ‘Yes’
- What are you going to say ‘Yes’ to?
Quotes:
“We’re not talking about saying ‘Yes’ to everything that comes our way…in order to say ‘Yes’, we have to also be able to say ‘No’.”
“I’m talking about being very discerning, using those core values.”
“By saying ‘Yes’ you just naturally adopt a growth mindset.”
“It normalizes failure…you teach yourself it’s okay to try new things and that failures are learning opportunities.”
“When you choose to say ‘Yes’, it acts as this affirmation to others and their ideas.”
“’No’ is still a factor in these ‘Yesses’.”
“Difficult conversations are necessary for growth.”
“Say ‘Yes’ to saying ‘No’.”
“The world can definitely benefit from hearing your voice – especially right now.”
“Neglecting our own health and wellbeing does not allow us to say ‘Yes’ to using our voice.”
“Smile, ‘Thank you’, shut up.”
“What is the best that could happen?”
“Me saying ‘Yes’ to them will mean the world to them.”
“I unconsciously was rejecting his help without even knowing it.”
“When you open yourself up for support, not only do you get the support you deserve, but the person giving it feels good, too.”
“Dreams are great, but they’re just dreams if you don’t actually act.”
Show Links:
‘Clear AF’ free workshop
Ascend Mastermind
Finding Your Power Through Core Values
5 Ways to Practice Saying 'No'
Year of Yes
We have an amazing guest today, and I am excited to share this interview with all of you. Brianna Bowling is an entrepreneur who founded a software engineering firm in 1998, exited it in 2018, and has recently launched Retreat & Learn, where she offers retreats, training, and one on one business coaching. In 2020, she also launched a YouTube channel where she interviews subject matter experts on a wide variety of subjects ranging from business to death to sex. She is an avid volunteer including the Chairperson of Charles Regional Medical Center, a Board Member of the University of Maryland Medical System, Chairman of the Rural Task Force for Charles County, a member of the College of Southern Maryland Advisory Council, and a lector and choir member of her church. She is definitely one busy woman with a world of experience, and we talk about it all here today.
I begin by checking in on Brianna to find out how she’s doing during these crazy times, and then she shares her remarkable life story from her childhood years right up to current day. Along the way, she reviews her business career, the gift of growing up poor, the loneliness of entrepreneurship, and her case of ‘sudden hearing loss’ and how it impacted her life. Exiting her company, finding balance in her life including using her vision board, fortitude and living, and her sexual assault, perspective on being a victim or a survivor and how she came to this perspective are all discussed as well. Our conversation concludes with the power of witnessing healthy communication and some sage advice from my guest. As you will hear, Brianna is one incredible badass who has experienced and achieved so much in her life, and is the stronger for it. We can all learn a great deal from her powerful example brought to vivid life in today’s beautifully real and raw conversation.
In an effort to help you keep moving forward with your intentions and goals, I will be holding another free ‘Clear AF’ workshop, which will offer you some extra support in getting clarity on what you really want as well as a strategy to implement to start your journey toward achieving it. The workshop takes place Tuesday, February 16, 2021, at 4:00 PM PST, and you can sign up for it here: sign up, or by contacting me through email.
I’m also excited to let you know that there is still time to sign up for my 9 month Ascend Mastermind that will now be starting in February! If, like Brianna, you’re a high achieving entrepreneur or high level professional who is ready to uplevel your health and well-being (mental, emotional, physical) while creating and pursuing goals you actually want and also putting the overwhelm of 2020 in the rear view, then this Mastermind is the perfect opportunity for you. You’ll get to strengthen your habits, get clear on what you want and be held accountable by, and find support among like-minded women as you ascend. Check out the details here: www.kellytravis.net/ascend
It’s still not too late to join our 30-Day Gratitude Challenge at my Goal-Getter's Club. Even though we’ve passed the January 1, 2021, start date, you are more than welcome to join at any time during the month – you’ll be glad you did!
And, as always, if there is a topic you would like me to discuss or a guest to interview on the podcast, please feel free to contact me at pr@kellytravis.net - I would absolutely love to hear from you!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- How Brianna is doing in these crazy times
- Her background
- Brianna’s business career
- The gift of growing up poor
- The loneliness of entrepreneurship
- Her case of ‘sudden loss of hearing’ and her treatment for it
- Exiting her company
- Working on finding balance in life
- Brianna’s vision board
- Fortitude and living for Brianna
- Her sexual assault and her perspective on being a victim or survivor
- How she came to this perspective
- Brianna’s mantra
- Witnessing healthy communication
- Taking steps forward
Quotes:
“Most days I don’t know COVID exists…I think I’m one of the fortunate ones.”
“I’m finding out who I am now.”
“From the time that I was 8 until I went to college, I didn’t have electricity or running water.”
“I needed that affirmation, so I started doing some work in the evenings.”
“What I am good at is hiring really smart people and giving them the tools they need to do their job and then getting out of their way.”
“English Major turned software engineering business owner, but super successful and driven.”
“One of the best gifts you could have is growing up poor, because you are not afraid of losing it.”
“I’m willing to take risks that somebody else may not be able to.”
“Being an entrepreneur is the loneliest place in the world.”
“Any mistake I made became huge in my mind, and I felt it personally.”
“You either have a brain tumor or you have something called ‘sudden loss of hearing’.”
“I’m not so great at the ‘pause’ part.”
“I was sexually assaulted when I was 11.”
“You do not have to be a victim…people think you have to be a victim.”
“I’m a person with a very multi-faceted upbringing and experiences, and it makes me who I am, and I’m happy and proud of every single piece of that.”
“If you’re standing in shit today, you better take a step forward or you’ll be standing in shit tomorrow.”
“You’re also going to do a million things right.”
“Understand that it’s not a perfect time, and so you’re not going to feel perfect…just take steps forward.”
“How we look at things makes a big difference.”
“I love teaching – it’s fun.”
Show Links:
Join my free FB group (and this month’s gratitude challenge) at Goal-Getter's Club
‘Clear AF’ free workshop: sign up
Ascend Mastermind
Retreat & Learn YouTube Channel
Retreat & Learn Homepage
While so many are hitting the ‘pandemic wall’ these days, I want to bring you all some joy today by sharing my interview with just an amazing individual who I met a few years ago, and whose beliefs and approach so closely align with my own. Sara Dean, creator and host of the Shameless Mom Academy Podcast, has a passion for helping women own their space, and is on a mission to inspire women, and moms in particular, to live bigger, bolder, and braver everyday. Through her various platforms, Sara motivates and inspires women to stop shrinking and start shining in every aspect of their lives (sound familiar?), and today she joins me to talk about her remarkable life and work.
She starts by updating us on how she is doing these days, and then relates the story of her journey through her businesses to where she is now, and what she will be carrying forward into this new year. Along the way, she discusses how her core values and her goals in helping women have shaped and shifted her business, the impact of women leaving the workforce during the pandemic and her hope for them to start their own businesses, and the struggles she finds most common among her clients. We’ll also explore the most significant steps she took in taking up space, how she has changed over the years, and our Enneagram results and the role they can play in our lives. I know that you will agree with me that Sara Dean is one freaking awesome badass who is paving her own way and doing amazing things to help women to really find their power – precisely what we all need as we put 2020 behind us and move through this ‘ultramarathon’ together.
It’s still not too late to join our 30-Day Gratitude Challenge at my Goal-Getter's Club. Even though we’ve passed the January 1, 2021, start date, you are more than welcome to join at any time during the month – you’ll be glad you did!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- How Sara is doing right now
- Her journey in business
- The major shift in her business
- Helping women find their power
- The biggest struggles for her clients right now
- Moms leaving the workforce
- The impact that women make in business boardrooms
- Women starting their own businesses
- The power of having a coach
- Sara’s biggest/scariest steps in taking up space
- What she was like growing up
- Sara and Kelly’s Enneagram results
- What Sara will carry forward from 2020
Quotes:
“There’s a future for all of us – we can do this!”
“Then I became, like, this accidental entrepreneur.”
“Oh, crap! I built a business that is no longer in alignment with my core values.”
“I decided to start, kind of, reframing how I sold these programs…I took out any messaging about shrinking your body.”
“If we move in alignment with our values and our beliefs and who we are, typically, we’re confronted with the hardest decisions.”
“If you are a mom, like, you could negotiate a Middle Eastern Peace Treaty in your sleep if you have, like, a two-year-old and a five-year-old, because that’s all you do all day.”
“Women tend to, just automatically, take on all the extra, and there’s a lot of extra right now…a need comes in and we just add it to the plate.”
“I do think we’re going to see a huge surge in women starting their own businesses.”
“There’s just a different level of awareness and conscientiousness that women bring to the table, and moms especially bring to the table.”
“You’re actually doing harm by not going all in on this…get over yourself and grow the thing.
“It’s like being invited into someone else’s living room.”
“Part of growing a team is finding people who have strengths that are different than yours.”
“I feel like 2020 has proven over and over again the things that we can do that we think we can’t do.”
“I want to be one of those people that kept going, and even though it was ugly and imperfect and it made less money…I want to be in that camp just to prove that I can do it.”
“Now I kind of think about it as an ultramarathon.”
“Be the person who gives yourself permission to get back up.”
Show Links:
Join my free FB group (and this month’s gratitude challenge) at Goal-Getter's Club
Shameless Mom Academy Podcast
Shameless Mom Community
Shameless Mom Newsletter
Burnout book link
While I had intended to share with you an interview with yet another incredible guest this week, I feel it’s important to address the run on the Capitol last Wednesday. Instead of having the opportunity to celebrate the historic Senate race victories in Georgia, our country and our world were instead horrified to witness another historic and overwhelmingly surreal event, an attempted coup on our Capitol. Despite much of the rhetoric that has been expressed in the aftermath of this shit show, I have to tell you that, sadly, this really is who we are as Americans. Today I want to share with you some thoughts and a lot of resources to help you gain a greater understanding of just how we got here, and inspire you to begin the work to become agents of change.
I’ll begin by reviewing the coup attempt, how it was instigated, and the difference between it and the Black Lives Matter protests from last summer. The heart of this episode, though, will be a vast array of resources, broken down by courses, books and articles, and others, which will provide you with information and perspective that will ultimately help you figure out how best to show up in these troubled times. There are a lot of them, so, as always, if you need any support in accessing them or have any questions about them, please know that I am very familiar with them all, and am here to help in any way I can. This is a topic that is far too important and pervasive to ignore, so let’s dig in today, educate ourselves, and move forward together.
Remember that I’m opening up a new cohort for my 9 month Ascend Mastermind that will start in February! If you’re a high achieving entrepreneur or high level professional who is ready to uplevel your health and well-being (mental, emotional, physical) while creating and pursuing goals you actually want and also putting the overwhelm of 2020 in the rear view, then this Mastermind is the perfect opportunity for you. You’ll get to strengthen your habits, get clear on what you want and be held accountable by, and find support among like-minded women as you ascend. Check out the details here: www.kellytravis.net/ascend
And it’s still not too late to join our 30-Day Gratitude Challenge at my Goal-Getter's Club. Even though we’ve passed the January 1, 2021, start date, you are more than welcome to join at any time during the month – you’ll be glad you did!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- The attempted coup at the Capitol
- The factors that led to it
- The difference between the Black Lives Matter protests and the attack on the Capitol
- A variety of extremely valuable resources
Quotes:
“Violence [is] perpetrated by white folks when they feel their civil liberties or power they previously held and had access to is being infringed upon.”
“Trump…instigated this.”
“We all know that, had the skin color of those people who went into the Capitol been different, that would have been a very different outcome.”
“Racism is not just the personal hatred by one person, but a systemic abuse and often deeply ingrained in society as to be oblivious to those in the upper caste.”
“In order to understand why the events happened on Wednesday, you have to understand the history of how we got here.”
“Watch what they say, and then watch what they sell.”
Show Links:
Join my free FB group (and this month’s gratitude challenge) at Goal-Getter's Club
Ascend Mastermind
Resources:
Courses:
Trudi Lebron Homepage
That's Not How That Works
Business Remixed
The Collective
Culture of Whyteness
Jessica Dickson Homepage
Books and Articles:
Stamped from the Beginning
Ibram Kendi Twitter
Isabel Wilkerson Homepage
Andre Henry Homepage
'People of the World' by Andre Henry
Andre Henry Instagram
Sincerely, Lettie
Other:
Conspirituality Homepage
Conspirituality Podcast
Jessica Yellin Instagram
News Not Noise with Jessica Yellin
Well, the year we have all been waiting for is finally here, and, while I know that it’s not going to magically change everything immediately, it does give us the opportunity to say goodbye to the year that was 2020. This is traditionally a time when resolutions are made – and often subsequently broken – and I want to thank my good friend, Kristen, for her reminder of the power of intentions as opposed to resolutions in the drive to achieve larger goals in our lives. So join me today as we build on the information presented in last week’s episode all about goal setting, and explore the impact of intentions and the science behind them.
We’ll begin by looking at goal setting, setting intentions, and the distinction between the two, and I’ll share one of my own intentions that I’m working on at the moment. Then, we get to geek out on the science behind the power of intention setting and neuroplasticity, and I provide 3 action items that you can implement immediately. Today’s episode pairs beautifully with last week’s show, so you may want to visit (or revisit) it as well to help you get this new year off to the best start possible. The setting of intentions, coupled with its lack of stress and fear of failure, is scientifically proven to improve our lives, and you know that is all I ever want for you. I sincerely hope you embrace this power and experience its positive effects in this new year and beyond.
In an effort to help you even further with your intentions and goals, I will be holding another free ‘Clear AF’ workshop, which will offer you some extra support in getting clarity on what you really want as well as a strategy to implement to start your journey toward achieving it. The workshop takes place Tuesday, January 12, 2021, at 4:00 PM PST, and you can sign up for it here: sign up, or by contacting me through email.
I’m also excited to remind you that I’m opening up a new cohort for my 9 month Ascend Mastermind that will start at the end of January! If you’re a high achieving entrepreneur or high level professional who is ready to uplevel your health and well-being (mental, emotional, physical) while creating and pursuing goals you actually want and also putting the overwhelm of 2020 in the rear view, then this Mastermind is the perfect opportunity for you. You’ll get to strengthen your habits, get clear on what you want and be held accountable by, and find support among like-minded women as you ascend. Check out the details here: www.kellytravis.net/ascend
And it’s still not too late to join our 30-Day Gratitude Challenge at my Goal-Getter's Club. Even though we’ve passed the January 1, 2021, start date, you are more than welcome to join at any time during the month – you’ll be glad you did!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Goal setting, setting intentions, and the distinction between the two
- One of Kelly’s intentions
- The science behind intention setting
- The power of intention
- Neuroplasticity
- 3 action items
- Revisiting last week’s episode about goal setting
Quotes:
“If it’s not done the right way, goals can inadvertently make us feel like a failure.”
“You are a different person a few months into the actions you’ve been taking even if you don’t get to the final goal.”
“Goals with intention - they leave…more room for magic.”
“The idea of intention honors effort and process and the journey, not just the results.”
“It’s a practice of detaching from the outcome and believing in the possibilities that are available to you at any given time.”
“We, as humans, are much more than we think we are.”
“Our minds and our bodies are deeply connected.”
“It’s really evident that intention and belief have the ultimate power to act as a filter between the real environment and our own biology.”
“The more you think about it, the more you’ll pay attention to it.”
“Science is so powerful…I love this shit!”
“What works for me is a manifesto.”
“Don’t let your goals be a cause of stress or shame.”
“Science is telling us that there is real power putting words to positive changes we wish to make in our life.”
“This is a really good way to dip your toe in.”
“I think it’s important to pair this with last week’s episode.”
Show Links:
Join my free FB group (and this month’s gratitude challenge) at Goal-Getter's Club
‘Clear AF’ free workshop: sign up
Ascend Mastermind
Join our She Doesn’t Settle community here
Free Download “5 Steps to Setting Goals"
Research for this episode
If you can believe it, we have finally made it to the end of 2020! Sure, it was a year of challenges, but if you really reflect on it, you will find some positives as well which you may be able to build upon for the coming year, and that is exactly what I want to discuss with you today. Revisiting an episode that I produced last year at this time, we’ll look at how this time of year offers us a chance to look back at our successes and challenges, and look forward to a fresh start and an opportunity to focus on goals that will eliminate bad habits and internalize healthier routines.
In this episode, I outline out seven steps for crafting manageable goals that will last you the whole year and not just until your initial burst of New Year’s energy lapses. I also reveal how I help my sons craft their own goals, discuss how you can figure out what you value most, and explain why you should make a point of writing your goals down and sharing your progress with a trusted friend. Valuable at any time, this is a particularly relevant episode as we finish one year (especially 2020!) and begin the next equipped with goals that we determine for ourselves along with some strategies to achieve them.
In an effort to help you even further with these goals, I am so excited to announce that I will be holding another free ‘Clear AF’ workshop, which will offer you some extra support in getting clarity on what you really want as well as a strategy to implement to start your journey toward achieving it. The workshop takes place Tuesday, January 12, 2021, at 4:00 PM PST, and you can sign up for it here: sign up, or by contacting me through email.
I’m also excited to let you know once again that I’m opening up a new cohort for my Ascend Mastermind that will start at the end of January! If you’re a high achieving entrepreneur or high level professional who is ready to uplevel your health and well-being (mental, emotional, physical) while creating and pursuing goals you actually want and also putting the overwhelm of 2020 in the rear view, then this Mastermind is the perfect opportunity for you. You’ll get to strengthen your habits, get clear on what you want and be held accountable by, and find support among like-minded women as you ascend. Check out the details here: www.kellytravis.net/ascend
And don’t forget, it’s still not too late to join our 30-Day Gratitude Challenge at my Goal-Getter's Club. Even if you happen to miss the January 1, 2021, start date, you are more than welcome to join at any time during the month – you’ll be glad you did!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
-
First things first: look back on the year that has just ended and take the time to consider both your successes and your challenges
-
How I help my boys reflect on their past year and what they’ve accomplished
-
Figure out what your ideal end goal is so you can reverse-engineer the best path to it
-
Identify your three core values so you can clarify what’s important to you and why
-
What do health and wellbeing specifically mean to you?
-
A study about accomplishing goals
-
Be honest with yourself about how you’ll need to change your lifestyle to accommodate for your goals
-
View your temporary setbacks as learning opportunities rather than failures
-
Don’t underestimate the power of a buddy system when it comes to sticking to your goals
Quotes:
“If we can reflect back, we learn, we create opportunities, and we identify what was most important to us.”
“You can identify where you want to go and how you want to get there.”
“It’s good to do this practice on a regular basis.”
“Get as clear as you can about the outcome you want to achieve.”
“The more specific you get when creating your goals, the more likely it is that you’ll accomplish them.”
“We need to work with our brain so that it works for us.”
“Don’t compare your beginning with somebody else’s middle.”
“You can’t hide a bad habit with a good habit.”
“You’re a different person through the process.”
“We want to level up in certain areas.”
“Find your people.”
Show Links:
Join my free FB group at Goal-Getter's Club
‘Clear AF’ free workshop: sign up
Ascend Mastermind
Join our She Doesn’t Settle community here
Today’s topic is one that I know that I have had to remind myself about a lot lately as the craziness of the season is upon us – gratitude. While you likely have heard there are benefits to gratitude, I want to share with you the science behind it, and more importantly, offer some ideas about how to make sure you’re actually practicing it. Let’s face it, especially in a year like we have just been through, sometimes this critical practice falls through the cracks – let’s work together to get it back on track.
We’ll begin by defining gratitude, highlight the difference between it and thankfulness, and then look at the many, many benefits it provides. Citing a number of studies, I’ll review the effects gratitude has upon the brain, physical health, anxiety, and relationships, and finish up with some action items for you including the challenge I’ve set for you all. I know that I really needed to revisit all this information about gratitude since I had let my practice slip in the last little while, and I can imagine that much the same may be true for you as well. In this traditionally most chaotic month of the undeniably most chaotic year, join me today to take a pause and let’s invigorate your gratitude practice so that you can enjoy its many benefits now that you need them most.
In an effort to support you even further in getting off to the best start possible in 2021, I’m also happy to announce again that I’m opening up a new cohort for my Ascend Mastermind that will start mid-January! If you’re a high achieving entrepreneur or high level professional who is ready to uplevel your health and well-being (mental, emotional, physical) while working towards your true professional and personal goals and also putting the overwhelm of 2020 in the rear view, then this Mastermind is the perfect opportunity for you. You’ll get to strengthen your habits, get clear on what you want and be held accountable by, and find support among like-minded women as you ascend. Check out the details here: www.kellytravis.net/ascend
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Defining gratitude
- The difference between gratitude and thankfulness
- The benefits of gratitude
- How gratitude impacts the brain
- Some studies regarding the effects of gratitude
- Gratitude’s impact on physical health, anxiety, relationships,
- Some action items
- Kelly’s challenge to listeners
Quotes:
“It can also, and should be, rooted in the appreciation of yourself.”
“We’re all, kind of, on different places on the spectrum…and that’s okay.”
“You don’t just feel it, you do something about it.”
“The effects of gratitude, when practiced daily, can be almost the same as medications.”
“Our mental health right now in our society is really scary.”
“It seems practicing gratitude on top of receiving psychological counseling carries greater benefits than counseling alone even when gratitude practice is brief.”
“Research shows that the more grateful you are, the healthier you feel.”
“There’s this snowball effect.”
“By practicing gratitude we can handle stress better than others.”
“You basically are training your brain to look for things you’re grateful for in the moment, throughout the day.”
“With anxiety comes insecurity…and our brain defaults to worst case scenario.”
“Our mind cannot focus on positive and negative information at the same time.”
“The benefits of gratitude take time.”
“You don’t have to share gratitude for it to be beneficial, you can keep it to yourself.”
“Gratitude just really brings a lot of feelings of positivity, and when you express it to other people, it has, like, this extension.”
“I hope that you’re taking care of yourself.”
Show Links:
Join my free FB group at Goal-Getter's Club
Ascend Mastermind
Join our She Doesn’t Settle community here
Toxic Positivity Episode
UC Berkeley Study on Gratitude and Mental Health
2013 Study from Journal of Personality and Individual Differences
2015 Study of Gratitude and Health
Effects of Gratitude and Appreciation Study
As we approach the end of this year and get ready to start a new one, I want to talk to you all about the power of perseverance. By far, one of the most important traits to possess is this ability to keep showing up even when you don’t really feel like it. 2020 may very well have changed your goals, but it doesn’t mean you can’t keep moving forward in a way that works for you without increasing pressure on you. Listen in today to learn how.
We’ll begin by looking at some inspirational quotes that I have really come to love and try to live by, and then I’ll share the steps you can follow now to help you finish this year and begin next year with perseverance. I’ll also review my ladder analogy, and explore the notion of moving forward mentally. There’s no denying that this year has been unlike any other, throwing a lot at all of us in a lot of unexpected ways. Today, let me help you finish it off with perseverance and set yourself up for success in the new, and hopefully much brighter, new year.
And if this year has left you unsure of exactly what you want, impaired your motivation to go after what you want, or if you just want to get through this year, you owe it to yourself to sign up here or contact me through email to register for my free workshop, ‘Clear AF’, which takes place TODAY, Wednesday, December 16, at 4:00 PM PST. This workshop will offer you some extra support in getting clarity on what you really want as well as a strategy to implement to start your journey toward achieving it. If you can’t join us or have missed the date, you can still access my Free Download "5 Steps to Setting Goals".
Also, in an effort to support you even further in getting off to the best start possible in 2021, I’m happy to announce again that I’m opening up a new cohort for my Ascend Mastermind that will start mid-January! If you’re a high achieving entrepreneur or high level professional who is ready to uplevel your health and well-being (mental, emotional, physical) while working towards your true professional and personal goals and also putting the overwhelm of 2020 in the rear view, then this Mastermind is the perfect opportunity for you. You’ll get to strengthen your habits, get clear on what you want and be held accountable by, and find support among like-minded women as you ascend. Check out the details here: www.kellytravis.net/ascend
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Some inspirational quotes about perseverance
- Steps to take to finish the year with perseverance
- Kelly’s ladder analogy
- Moving forward mentally
Quotes:
“In the confrontation between the river and the rock, the river always wins, not through strength, but by perseverance.”
“It was a reminder that I just needed to keep showing up every day.”
“You get to take a break if you need to.”
“Perseverance is usually about keeping going even though you really want to stop.”
“Sometimes you actually should quit something.”
“These goals will move into 2021.”
“Get honest with yourself here.”
“Think about the fact that you kept going.”
“You can burn yourself out if you don’t set your own pace.”
“Get off the internet!”
“You have to do the first thing in front of you and build that foundation.”
“What is that next easy step?”
“It’s your choice.”
“Perseverance is kind of required in the daily life.”
Show Links:
‘Clear AF’ free workshop: sign up here
Ascend Mastermind
Join our She Doesn’t Settle community here
Free Download “5 Steps to Setting Goals"
I am so excited to bring today’s episode to you since it concerns one of the foundational components of the work I do in my Mastermind and with all my clients. Core values provide that compass that we all need to show us the direction to follow in order to achieve our goals, and to not be taken off course by the many distractions which life routinely presents. By helping us make even the most difficult decisions more easily, defining who we are and guiding our actions and where we spend our energy, time and resources, core values are critical factors for our success, making them an incredibly important topic for us to explore here today.
I’ll begin by looking at what core values are, and are not, and emphasize the importance of recognizing and defining your own set of these values. We’ll examine why they are so important in our lives, how you can begin today to create yours, and I’ll finish up by sharing with you my own core values. Woven throughout are many examples, including some from my own life, which will help you better understand this crucial concept. We all want to make sure that we are making choices in our lives which align with who we are and what we value. Join with me today to learn about and develop that foundation which will provide you both the strength and direction to do just that.
Please join me as well for my next free workshop, ‘Clear AF’, which will offer you some extra support in getting clarity on what you really want as well as a strategy to implement to start your journey toward achieving it. The workshop takes place Wednesday, December 16, at 4:00 PM PST, and you can sign up for it here: sign up, or by contacting me through email.
And, in an effort to support you even further in getting off to the best start possible in 2021, I’m happy to announce again that I’m opening up a new cohort for my Ascend Mastermind that will start mid-January! If you’re a high achieving entrepreneur or high level professional who is ready to uplevel your health and well-being (mental, emotional, physical) while working towards your true professional and personal goals and also putting the overwhelm of 2020 in the rear view, then this Mastermind is the perfect opportunity for you. You’ll get to strengthen your habits, get clear on what you want and be held accountable by, and find support among like-minded women as you ascend. Check out the details here: www.kellytravis.net/ascend
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- What core values are
- Defining your own core values
- Why core values are so important
- How to create your core values
- Kelly’s core values
Quotes:
“Core values are not goals.”
“They kind of act as like this shield or a boundary.”
“A choice can be more clear when you look at them in the context of your values.”
“The key is knowing how to prioritize your time.”
“You’re more likely to be excited when you reach that goal…the process will be easier.”
“It’s all about choosing what is right for you.”
“You don’t have to rush through it so take your time.”
“We’re moving on to actually discerning which ones are the most important to you.”
“We can’t do the work that we do if we’re not taking care of ourselves.”
“Think about people that you admire.”
“There’s so much energy in each of the words you choose.”
“We are all unique in this particular area.”
“I want you to feel a sense of control, a sense of empowerment.”
“Action makes us feel a hell of a lot better.”
Show Links:
‘Clear AF’ free workshop: sign up
Ascend Mastermind
Join our She Doesn’t Settle community here
Believe it or not, 2020 will soon be drawing to a close, and with that comes all the usual stress and chaos that each December brings added onto to all the excessive anxiety that this past year has already provided. As a result, I’ve had to double down on my self-care practices, and I imagine the same may be true for you as well. That’s why today’s episode is a throwback one that is all about self-care, one of the most important tools in improving overall health and wellbeing so you can show up your best in your career and life. This episode is filled with information and advice that is as relevant and valuable today as it was when it first aired – maybe even more so.
Self-care allows us to take some time out, recharge, and create the space we need to show up with more energy, focus and clarity. BUT, we don’t all have a great relationship with it. If we misuse self-care and end up relying on it as a way of shutting out our problems OR avoid it because we don’t feel deserving, it can keep us from improving our health and reaching new levels of success. We want to be able to use self-care effectively. So for this episode, I break down what self care is (and isn’t), discuss why so many of us resist taking part in self-care practices (and/or use them in unhealthy ways), and explain what I believe needs to happen FIRST in order to be able to engage in truly healthy self-care.
In an effort to support you even further in getting off to the best start possible in 2021, I’m also happy to announce that I’m opening up a new cohort for my Ascend Mastermind that will start mid-January! If you’re a high achieving entrepreneur or high level professional who is ready to uplevel your health and well-being (mental, emotional, physical) so you can determine and reach your true professional and personal goals (and be happy doing it), while also putting the overwhelm of 2020 in the rear view, then this Mastermind is the perfect opportunity for you. You’ll get to strengthen your self-care practices as well as work with, be held accountable by, and find support among like-minded women as you ascend. Check out the details here: www.kellytravis.net/ascend
The Finer Details of This Episode:
-
What’s your current approach to self-care: resist it or go all-in?
-
Looking at how self-care is defined in different ways.
-
What doesn’t count as self-care, and what you should try to focus on first when caring for yourself.
-
When what we think is self-care turns into simply numbing or ignoring the pain we’re feeling.
-
Reveal why the intention behind our self-care practices is a clue as to whether we’re using it in a healthy way (or not).
-
The strange way our own brains will try to keep us from engaging in self-care.
-
I break down the only form of self-care that truly reduces your stress and anxiety.
-
Consider overcoming your fears rather than trying to punch them in the face.
Quotes:
“[Self-care] is not about adding more to your to-do list.”
“You put on your own mask first so that you can help others around you.”
“None of it will work if you don’t start with what’s happening in your head and your heart.”
“Self-care, in theory, should be something that refuels us rather than takes from us.”
“The ‘why’ of self-care matters way more than the action.”
“For high achieving women…when we think about self-care, the natural defenses of our nervous system go up…the alarm goes off.”
“High stress feels normal until things start to fall apart.”
“How you think determines how you feel and behave.”
“It’s not about changing a behavior—it’s about getting to the emotional layer that is causing the behavior and the thoughts.”
“These distractions are coming from your mind.”
“Your health and your wellbeing are what allow you to be successful long term.”
Show Links:
Ascend Mastermind
Join our She Doesn’t Settle community here
As the country heads into yet another phase of this pandemic, I am becoming even more concerned about everyone’s health and especially their immune system. These two factors are always of great importance in our lives, and this is only being magnified during these uncertain times. Because I care about you all so much, today I’m drawing upon my extensive research and background in public health to review those aspects of your life which most impact health and immunity, and offer some steps you can take to improve them.
Beginning with a look at some research regarding COVID-19 and pre-existing health conditions, we’ll also examine those areas in your life that impact your health and immunity, and look at such notions as changing routines, COVID fatigue, Hormesis, and the work of Wim Hof. I will also share information about a couple of products that I have found beneficial, and, of course, I will share some strategies you can employ to help boost your level of health and your immune system. Remember, I’m not a doctor, and I’m not here to judge or shame anyone, so please accept the information shared here today simply as facts about how all our bodies work, that you still have to do the work at your end, and that there is no judgment here – only a desire to help you become the healthiest you can be during these difficult times and beyond.
Remember, too, that my new community is now up and running on ‘Slack’! If you haven’t joined it already, or tried to and it didn’t work out, please access the link below or email me at support@kellytravis.net to receive your invitation to become a valued member of this exciting new community.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Research regarding COVID-19 and pre-existing health conditions
- Areas of life that impact immunity and health
- Kely’s Oura Ring and Elite HRV
- Changing routines
- COVID fatigue
- Some ideas to help improve your health and immune system
- Hormesis
- Wim Hof
Quotes:
“Insufficient sleep is a public health epidemic.”
“Sleep is essential.”
“It literally tells me to take it easy.”
“We have to be moving. It’s costing us lives.”
“Our society has definitely become more sedentary during this time.”
“Sadly, access to healthy food isn’t that easy…right now, it is even worse.”
“This is not a judgment, this is a ‘think about where you’re at’.”
“Our diet is where we have another opportunity to make huge changes.”
“Think about what you can add in.”
“Stress was already an epidemic before COVID.”
“Every cell in our body changes when we are under stress.”
“Just the fear around it is creating problems in our bodies.”
“We’ve got to catch those thoughts and think something differently.”
“Loneliness is a major health problem right now, and it was before.”
“Brief cold exposure will strengthen your immune system in the long run.”
“It helps with mental toughness.”
“Vitamin D is crucial during this pandemic.”
“Identify where you can start.”
“It’s not too late to start to improve these. Now is the time.”
Show Links:
Slack community link
December free workshop, Clear AF: sign up
Sleep Your Way to Healthy High Performance
Food Insecurity, Social Stigma and Creating Change with Clancy Harrison
Vitamin D article: https://www.healthline.com/health-news/new-study-found-80-percent-of-covid-19-patients-were-vitamin-d-deficientf
If there is one thing that 2020 has brought to light, it is the impact that living with uncertainty has upon us all. As you are all too aware, it’s been a year filled with unpredictability regarding the pandemic, schools, employment, killer bees - you name it - and, as you also know, this uncertainty takes its toll, no matter who you are. Today, we’re going to dive into this one certainty in our life, and look at some strategies to help manage it.
I’ll share a fair amount of research with you regarding coping with uncertainty and the reasons why we struggle so much with it. We’ll explore the necessity to live with uncertainty as well as 5 coping mechanisms, and then I’ll ask you to select one of these mechanisms to work on over the coming weeks. As the saying goes, ‘uncertainty is the only certainty there is’, and I know you’ll agree that 2020 has proven that beyond a shadow of a doubt. Do yourself a favor, join me today to confront this component in all our lives, understand exactly why it exists, and adopt some strategies to overcome it – you will be so glad that you did.
Fortunately, one step toward managing the uncertainty in your life takes place today (November 18 at 4:00 p.m. PST), during the free workshop I’m hosting called ‘Clear AF’. This workshop is an opportunity to get clear on what you really want and a simple strategy to get started. Be sure to check out the link below or go to kellytravis.net/freeworkshop to take part in this important and rewarding experience. And in other good news, my new community is now up and running on ‘Slack’!If you haven’t joined it already, or tried to and it didn’t work out, please access the link below or email me at support@kellytravis.net to receive your invitation to become a valued member of this exciting new community.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Kate Sweeny’s research regarding coping with uncertainty
- Mark Freeston’s research into the reasons behind struggling with uncertainty
- The need to live with uncertainty
- 5 coping mechanisms for uncertainty
- Selecting one of these mechanisms to start working on
Quotes:
“We don’t know what’s coming, and we can’t do much about it.”
“Bad news is easier to deal with than the ambiguous waiting period that precedes it.”
“Uncertainty leaves us scrambling to regain an element of control.”
“It’s all to do with evolution.”
“Being intolerant of uncertainty has a survival value.”
“Our brains perceive any doubt or uncertainty as a threat.”
“We kind of need to get comfortable living with uncertainty.”
“Uncertainty is the only certainty there is. Knowing how to live with insecurity is the only security.”
“We cannot control the future as much as we would like.”
“What we resist persists.”
“Acceptance is about meeting life where it is and moving forward from there.”
“We are so much happier and healthier and more focused when we aren’t stuck in things that are not happening right now.”
“Mindfulness – this is so important.”
“Make a list of healthy ways to comfort yourself.”
“Build some structure into your daily life that you can rely on.”
“In the face of uncertainty, action always provides us a little kick in the ass.”
“There are things you can do to feel better during this time.”
Show Links:
Free workshop, Clear AF: sign up
Slack community link
My very special guest on the podcast today is Amy Rowland, host of the ‘Fashionably Late’ podcast, and founder of Varia Search, a boutique legal recruiting firm that fills legal department roles, from general counsel to paralegal. The road that Amy took to her current positions is an incredibly interesting and inspiring one that I can’t wait for you to hear. She is truly a badass whose pursuit of her passion in life didn’t exactly work out the way she hoped, and today she describes the pivoting she did to find happiness, and the remarkable success that she has achieved as a result.
Throughout our conversation, Amy details her history from her start in following her passion for playing tennis, through her pivot to coaching and teaching, her subsequent pivot to becoming a lawyer, and her most recent decision to start her own recruiting business. Along the way, she offers her sage advice for listeners, explores the potential for fear of transition or failure, and shares the biggest hurdle she faces, what motivates her, and the importance of balance in life. Amy Rowland, as you will discover today, is a living testament to the power of not settling, someone who understands that what you end up doing in life can become your passion, and I know that you will be as excited and inspired as I was when you listen to her incredible story here today.
Speaking of passion and inspiration, this episode finds us in the aftermath of the election won by Joe Biden and Kamala Harris, and I found so much to admire in the words they shared after their victory, particularly Kamala’s call to ‘dream with ambition, lead with conviction’. That’s precisely what we do here at She Doesn’t Settle, and what you will experience fully in my two new exciting initiatives. So, just to remind you, on November 18 at 4:00 p.m. PST, I’m hosting a free workshop called ‘Discover Your Unedited Desires’, where, in community with other amazing folks just like you, we’ll discover what you really want, especially as we head into a new year. Be sure to check out that link below as well, and mark your calendar for this important and ultimately rewarding event.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Amy’s history
- Her transition from tennis to law
- Amy’s advice about switching careers
- The pandemic and people reflecting on what makes them happy
- The role of tennis in her life now
- Amy’s current work
- Fear of transition and what others might think
- Amy’s biggest hurdle
- Something she has changed her mind about recently
- COVID’s role in Amy’s decision to start her own company
- What motivates her the most
- The importance of balance in life
- Her vision for the launch of her own business
- Her advice for those who are ‘stuck in that loop, trying to find their passion right now and struggling’
- The importance of soul searching, testing the waters, and shadowing someone
- Amy’s thoughts on internal motivation and fear of failure
Quotes:
“Coaching tennis is very different from playing.”
“It’s my passion, I’m going to make it work.”
“Take the blinders off…you have to expand your world.”
“People can really do anything.”
“Body, mind, spirit is so important.”
“I view myself more as a matchmaker because I’m really trying to make a match between the company and the candidate who is the lawyer…I love what I do.”
“We don’t have to pigeonhole ourselves into one thing and make it work.”
“There was a lot of soul searching.”
“I want everybody to make the choices you’ve made.”
“When my own, like, barometer…is telling me I’m happy…it shouldn’t matter what others think.”
“That motivates me - how would I create a world where I get to spend time with my family, run a successful business, self-care, all those things.
“You have a choice, and you can make things happen. You’ve got to work for it…but at the end of the day it is possible.”
“If you never find your passion, that’s okay.”
“You can turn what you end up doing into your passion.”
“You don’t, you know, stop going into something because you’re afraid of failing.”
“I think it is so important to recognize not only that it doesn’t have to look this perfect certain way, and that it doesn’t matter how old you are, you can make changes anytime.”
Show Links:
Discover Your Unedited Desires FREE Workshop: sign up
Varia Search
Fashionably Late
Amy Rowland Coaching
Today, I want to bring you yet another important episode, and one that is particularly relevant as we enter November, hot on the heels of our election, and as we continue to deal with everything that 2020 has brought us throughout the year. Cognitive flexibility, including the ways in which it shows up and helps us, and some ways to build it, is our highly pertinent topic today. It truly is a crucial skill to have, especially these days, so let’s dive in and learn more about it, and how to develop it.
I’ll begin by defining cognitive flexibility, share some examples of how it helps us, and describe the traits that are found in those who possess high levels of it. We’ll also explore the mental tension that is caused when trying to entertain two conflicting ideas, and the role that cognitive flexibility plays in being able to see another’s perspective. Perhaps most importantly, I’ll offer 5 ways to build up your cognitive flexibility, and ask you to select one to focus on, or double down on, over the coming weeks and share your feedback with me. As you will discover, cognitive flexibility is key to helping us navigate, pivot, and adapt, which are, of course, essential skills at all times, but particularly so in these trying and turbulent times.
And don’t forget, in an effort to back up what I’m sharing, I’m creating a new community specifically for She Doesn’t Settle listeners that is NOT on social media. Check out the link below to access my 90 days Slack trial community, and we’ll play with it together and see how it works. In other big news, on November 18 at 4:00 p.m. PST, I’m hosting a free workshop called ‘Discover Your Unedited Desires’, where, in community with other amazing folks just like you, we’ll discover what you really want, which is naturally so very important these days. Be sure to check out that link below as well, and mark your calendar for this important and ultimately rewarding event.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- The definition of cognitive flexibility
- Examples of how cognitive flexibility helps us
- The traits displayed by those with high levels of cognitive flexibility
- The mental tension caused by holding two conflicting ideas
- Cognitive flexibility and the ability to see another’s perspective
- 5 ways to build up your cognitive flexibility
Quotes:
“This ability is generally considered part of the executive function of our brain.”
“You all know I use the word ‘pivot’ a lot. It is just a part of life.”
“Being cognitively flexible helps us to adapt and pivot and grow, however, for many people this is easier said than done.”
“Unlike our emotions, we are not changeable enough in our thoughts.”
“Being miserable in a pandemic is not going to teach the pandemic a lesson or change how the virus works or make you a better person.”
“You don’t have to suffer and struggle to be successful.”
“You can be grateful and also want more.”
“Shake up the routine.”
“It’s even better if you combine mental and physical learning at the same time.”
“The idea here is talk to new people, exchange ideas and information with people you don’t normally communicate with.”
“We protect ourselves from those challenging conversations when in reality they’re really, really necessary for us to build our cognitive flexibility.”
“Finding humor in a variety of situations is an exercise in flexible thinking.”
Show Links:
She Doesn’t Settle Slack link
Discover Your Unedited Desires FREE Workshop: sign up
Resources used for this episode: Dr. Daniel Amen article
Today’s topic, self-trust and how to build it, is one that I have been anxious to discuss with all of you for a while now, and which is particularly important these days, I feel. One thing that really bothers me lately is the fact that so many forces are at work to diminish our level of self-trust, generating a tendency to rely upon outside sources, programs, systems or products instead of our own instincts, our own gut feeling, when making decisions about our own lives. We really need to pause and examine how this may be showing up for each of us, and look at some ideas that can help us regain our trust in ourselves going forward.
I begin by looking at the impact that culture, society and marketing have upon our sense of self-trust and satisfaction, walking you through some ways to build that trust back, and inviting you to see which one resonates with you and to test it out. Along the way, I recommend revisiting a previous episode about boundaries if you think that would prove beneficial, explore some studies about the hippocampus and creating neuro growth within it, and the dangers inherent in an ‘all or nothing’ attitude. Woven throughout is the message that you are your own CEO and you have the power of choice regarding how you live your life. It’s time to take back control and start listening to our intuition, our gut feelings, and begin trusting ourselves again.
Remember, in an effort to back up what I’m sharing, I’m creating a new community specifically for She Doesn’t Settle listeners that is NOT on social media. Tune in to next week’s episode to get all the details!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- The impact of culture, society, and marketing on our sense of self-trust and satisfaction
- Some ways to build self-trust
- Selecting the advice that works for you
- Refer back to the ‘Setting Boundaries’ episode (#48: 5 Ways to Practice Saying ‘No’)
- Studies about the hippocampus and creating neuro growth within it
- All or nothing thinking
Quotes:
“The problem with seeking advice is that it often pushes away what you already know to be true. And when we look outside of ourselves for answers, it actually creates more confusion.”
“We are all unique individuals, and we all need different things to operate and feel our best, and to be successful, and we shouldn’t all want the same thing, right?”
“If you’ve been so programmed to rely on systems and processes, diets and exercise programs that other people create, then you’re never going to think for yourself…you’re going to think that you can’t be successful on your own, and I think that’s bullshit.”
“A lack of faith or belief in ourselves shows up in the way we make ourselves do things. It really is the difference between being your own BFF and being your own worst enemy or critic.”
“Not everything I share is going to resonate - pieces of it might resonate…you can take what you want and leave the rest.”
“We have to be committed to ourselves more than other people.”
“Think about who you surround yourself with, who you look to for answers. Are there individuals that you can cut out?”
“It takes away some of that fear of failure because we have memories of things we’ve overcome, times we’ve been vulnerable and we’ve been okay.”
“We can’t rationalize intuition, but that is what so many of us try to do, and it’s why we struggle to listen to it, to tune into it.”
“If we sit with a feeling for 90 seconds instead of pushing it away, it will eventually leave.”
“Trust your gut.”
“If everything is so serious and there’s no fun, it’s going to lead to rebellion, and that’s what ultimately leads you to not trust yourself.”
“Those companies, those programs, make tons of money on the fact that they know that you don’t trust yourself and you’re going to rely on them for a hot minute until it doesn’t work anymore.”
“The more we can start to trust ourselves, the more we can trust others.”
“It’s only a failure if we don’t do anything with it.”
Show Links:
Kelly’s email
For upcoming events
This week, I want to have another important conversation with you on a topic that I’ve touched on before, and which, with everything going on in the world these days, I feel is currently more relevant than ever, namely, social media and the impact it has on our lives. As you may or may not know, there is a psychology behind the creation of these apps which is meant to generate an addiction to them, and one glance around any public space will show you just how successful they have become in this. Social media can have such a detrimental effect upon us, so today let’s explore exactly how it does what it does, and what you can do about it.
Having consulted a number of studies on the topic, I’ll share some striking information and statistics from them, as well as from other resources that I have found very useful. We’ll look at how these apps are designed, the aspects of our lives that they impact, and I’ll offer some steps and challenges you can undertake to help exercise control over them. You know my mission is to look out for you, your mental health, and the achievement of your goals in life, and I know how social media can hold you back in all these areas. Today, let’s start doing the work together to recognize and break the addiction, and continue the journey forward.
Remember, in an effort to back up what I’m sharing, I’m creating a new community specifically for She Doesn’t Settle listeners that is NOT on social media. Tune in to next week’s episode to get all the details!
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Statistics and information from various studies regarding social media
- Some information from the film, ‘The Social Dilemma’
- Information from Adam Atler’s Irresistible The Rise of Addictive Technology and the Business of Keeping Us Hooked, and Catherine Price’s How to Break Up With Your Phone
- The ways in which social media impacts us
- Kelly’s challenge to listeners
- Attentional Disengagement
- What you can do to counter social media’s impact
Quotes:
“The…tech experts that work within these apps, they actually don’t let their kids near technology that they write or use themselves.”
“It is designed to be addictive.”
“You have this need to check it.”
“It’s designed to break down your willpower.”
“The problems began with the ‘like button’.”
“It has made it harder for people to tolerate boredom, to tolerate quiet and stillness.”
“The act of taking a photograph impairs people’s memory of the event.”
“It can also lead to the development of mental health issues such as anxiety and depression when used too much or without caution.”
“You’re comparing yourself to other people.”
“We’re trying to be present, we’re trying to not be distracted.”
“Reclaim your time.”
“I need to tuck those far away.”
“Let’s set some ground rules…give yourself some space.”
“There was a time we didn’t have them, remember?”
“Pay for your news.”
“Go vote. Make a plan. Go vote, go vote.”
Show Links:
Kelly’s email
Julia Soares study
Irresistible
How to Break Up With Your Phone
Jessica Yellin
Today’s conversation is one that I’ve wanted to have with all of you for a while now. Narcissism, and especially being in a relationship with a narcissist, is a hard topic and a hugely important one that I see in my work a lot, and which I have experienced personally. These days, I can see that it is a condition that is making a lot of people sick, so, in this episode, we’ll explore what it is, what it looks like, and what you can do about it.
We begin by exploring the pattern that narcissism follows, what it is exactly, the traits it possesses, as well as a common misconception about it. Drawing upon information from Dr. Ramani among other sources, we’ll examine the four types of narcissism, some tactics that narcissists use, and what you can do if you are in a relationship with a narcissist or you know someone who is. Above all else, I need to emphasize that if you feel you are in such a relationship, and it is escalating to the point where you do not feel safe, please ask for help, make a phone call, and get out. Your health has to come first, and that is precisely what today’s difficult but incredibly important episode is all about.
Remember, too, if you need help ensuring that you’re taking care of yourself, building your resilience, keeping up momentum with your goals, setting boundaries, or even if you just want to chat, please feel free to send me an email at support@kellytravis.net or DM me at https://www.instagram.com/kellythealth/ or join my free FB group The Goal-Getter’s Club at https://www.facebook.com/groups/goalgettersclubkellythealth/
The Finer Details of This Episode:
-
The pattern of narcissism
-
Kelly’s experience of dealing with narcissism
-
A common misconception about narcissism
-
Narcissism and its traits
-
Dr. Ramani’s information about narcissism
-
The four types of narcissism
-
Some tactics that narcissists use
-
What you can do about narcissism
Quotes:
“Being in this relationship for a long period of time…can result in some PTSD.”
“I felt like I was going crazy until a therapist told me that I wasn’t.”
“Research shows that a small amount of self-centeredness and confidence is actually healthy.”
“It took me a while to recognize the manipulation…once you do, then you can start to respond better.”
“Narcissists…are made not born.”
“They’re actually driven by shame.”
“They use their empathy to tune into what pleases you and, in doing so, they find validation.”
“Look at the great things I’ve done for everybody in the world. Please give me credit.”
“Boundaries don’t work.”
“What it leads to is the victim beginning to question what she actually said a minute ago. It’s awful.”
“It is a mental rollercoaster.”
“They will do anything they can to get what they want.”
“They know how to put on a show and provoke you to feel sorry for them.”
“What you want to understand and really focus on is the fact that you are in control of your life no matter how they treat you.”
“Therapy is always, always recommended.”
Show Links:
Kelly’s email
Have you joined my free Facebook community - The Goal-Getter’s Club? Join here
I am so excited to welcome you to the 50th episode of the She Doesn’t Settle podcast, quite a milestone to reach given everything that we’ve all had to deal with in 2020 so far. To celebrate, I have a very important topic to discuss - in fact it was the main topic of my recent Ascend Mastermind retreat - and it’s one which is always relevant, but particularly so for this past year: resilience. Identifying our own resilience and understanding the ways it impacts so many aspects of your life is crucial, and that is precisely what we will undertake in this very special episode.
I’ll start by defining resilience, demonstrating the difference in people who have or don’t have it, and we’ll look at a couple of studies that have been done about it. I’ll explain growth mindset and the two ways resilience is derived, as well as present some examples of questions you need to ask yourself, and emphasize the importance of having and utilizing a support system. Much of the episode is devoted to exploring the 5 things that contribute to resilience that you may not usually consider, and I also share some personal stories from my own life to help illustrate some of the information shared. If 2020 has taught us anything, it is the need for resilience when facing challenges, and I hope that the ideas and advice presented here today will help you to flex your resilience muscles, and not simply survive difficult times, but to thrive within and beyond them.
If you need help building your resilience, keeping up momentum with your goals, setting boundaries, ensuring that you’re taking care of yourself, or even if you just want to chat, please feel free to send me an email at support@kellytravis.net or DM me at https://www.instagram.com/kellythealth/ or join my free FB group The Goal-Getter’s Club at https://www.facebook.com/groups/goalgettersclubkellythealth/
The Finer Details of This Episode:
-
Defining resilience
-
The differences in people with and without resilience
-
An Ohio State University study on resilience
-
What makes a person resilient
-
Growth mindset
-
The two ways that resilience is derived
-
Asking yourself questions about your resilience
-
A study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology
-
The importance of having and utilizing a support system
-
5 things that contribute to resilience
Quotes:
“In a sense, resilience is basically doing really well when you shouldn’t be.”
“It’s about growing even during that down time, and it can be life changing in many ways.”
“What is important to acknowledge is that it’s a process, and we have to cultivate some of those strengths and we have to tap into what we know our weaknesses are and grow those as well.”
“Part of resilience is being comfortable being uncomfortable.”
“Americans overestimated their resilience by a lot.”
“If we don’t recognize that we have these weaknesses, if we’re ignoring them, we’re going to get tripped up when we are faced with a challenge, big or small.”
“If we work on the things that we’re weaker at, and we continue to grow the things that we’re strong in, we’re going to beef up those resilient muscles.”
“We want to minimize the control that fear has over us by managing that mind, regulating our emotions.”
“Being resilient is about how quickly you can bounce back.”
“Figure out what you need to ask yourself.”
“Resilience is not a solo job.”
“This is about, in the space you’re in, looking for some of the good.”
“We have to really let go of some of the criticism and the judgment and the berating we do of ourselves in the middle of a mess.”
“We can learn to trust ourselves in just little ways.”
“Focus on what you can control, and let go of what you can’t.”
“We have to be present to move through what is right in front of us.”
“You are capable, and you are powerful, and you have everything you need inside of you to overcome what gets thrown your way.”
Show Links:
Kelly’s email
Have you joined my free Facebook community - The Goal-Getter’s Club? Join here
I cannot begin to tell you just how excited I am to introduce you to one incredible badass, author and illustrator Daria Peoples-Riley, on today’s episode. Daria is an author and illustrator whose books, as you will hear, are adored by children and adults alike.
We begin by checking in on how Daria is navigating all that is going on in the world these days, how 2020 has influenced her work, and details on her latest book, America, My Love, America, My Heart. Daria then discusses the responsibility of parents, teachers, and librarians to ‘decolonize their shelves’, recounts her professional history including her transition to writing full-time, and shares the stories behind her books and their themes. She also discusses how she battles the inner voice when writing, her perspective of illustrating, the importance of learning through process, and offers a glimpse into her upcoming project. She concludes this moving conversation by offering gratitude to those who have helped her, especially The Highlights Foundation, and offers advice on how listeners can in turn help Black authors and artists. Daria Peoples is truly a gift, and my sincere hope is that today’s profound conversation with this amazing lady will inspire you not only to think and consider your own next chapter, but to also diversify your bookshelf, to support your children’s school in representing diversity and inclusion, and to make your contribution, as Daria states, ‘so that we can reclaim what America is’.
As always, if you need help keeping up momentum with your goals, setting boundaries, ensuring that you’re taking care of yourself, or even if you just want to chat, please feel free to send me an email at support@kellytravis.net or DM me at https://www.instagram.com/kellythealth/ or join my free FB group The Goal-Getter’s Club at https://www.facebook.com/groups/goalgettersclubkellythealth/
The Finer Details of This Episode:
-
How Daria is navigating what’s going on in the world these days
-
How 2020 has influenced her work
-
Daria’s new book, America, My Love, America, My Heart
-
The responsibility of parents, teachers and librarians to ‘decolonize those shelves’
-
Daria’s professional history
-
Her transition from teaching to writing full time
-
The story behind each of her books and the themes within them
-
How Daria battles the inner voice when she writes
-
Her perspective on illustrating
-
The importance of learning through the process
-
Daria’s upcoming project and how it was inspired
-
The Highlights Foundation
-
How to help support Black authors and artists
Quotes:
“I’ve had to insulate myself sometimes and only receive and take in what I can tolerate.”
“When I sat down with my own eight-year-old self to write this book, the problem was racism and bias and discrimination, but I couldn’t find the solution.”
“They are timely questions and they are timeless questions, I think, that children of color have in those similar situations.”
“The unfortunate thing is that it’s always timely in the world that we live in.”
“I think that it’s important that we also understand the reality of who we are as America so that we can reclaim what America is.”
“Once I recognized it as a dream, all of my choices from that point out were dictated by the dream.”
“I also believe that the dream has to come first before anything else, so I would wake up before the real job started so that the dream got the best of me.”
“I think that my faith comes into play a lot when it comes to what I feel is a calling. So, I feel like where I am small, God steps in and makes me much bigger.”
“I think it was important to me to be true to who I was.”
“First we tell ourselves the truth, then we tell it to the children.”
“People are more interested in the product than they are the process, and I think we teach our kids that, unfortunately…but, it’s what we’re learning through the process that is really getting us from, like, mountaintop to mountaintop.”
“I feel like a lot of the suffering comes from feeling like we’re not home.”
“I don’t know that the journey ever ends…this planet, this Earth is not my home.”
“I think that that’s where everyone who is outside of the group should begin, is by listening to our stories and stories that we’re creating…believe what we say when we say it and how we tell our stories.”
Show Links:
Kelly’s email
Have you joined my free Facebook community - The Goal-Getter’s Club? Join here
Daria’s homepage: https://www.dariapeoples.com/
Daria’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dariaspeoples/?hl=en
Today, I’m excited to talk to you about the word ‘No’. My recent survey on Instagram revealed that a lot of folks in my audience have a hard time saying this small but mighty word.
In today’s episode I begin by sharing my own experience with the inability to say ‘No’, what it can result in, and the role it plays in the habit of people pleasing. We’ll also look at the need to take care of yourself first, and differentiate between people pleasing and generosity. Mostly, though, together we’ll explore the 5 ways to practice and get comfortable with saying ‘No’ so that you can say ‘Yes’ to yourself, complete with examples from everyday life, and questions to ask yourself which will help immensely. If, like me, you’ve ever found yourself being afraid to say ‘No’, you really owe it to yourself to listen in today so that together we can work toward setting those boundaries that will allow you to take care of yourself and your goals and stop exhausting yourself by saying ‘Yes’ to everyone else.
Remember, too, that if you need help keeping up momentum with your goals, setting boundaries, ensuring that you’re taking care of yourself, or even if you just want to chat, please feel free to send me an email at support@kellytravis.net or DM me at https://www.instagram.com/kellythealth/ or join my free FB group The Goal-Getter’s Club at https://www.facebook.com/groups/goalgettersclubkellythealth/
The Finer Details of This Episode:
-
Kelly’s experience with her inability to say ‘No’
-
The results of being unable to say ‘No’
-
People pleasing
-
Taking care of yourself first
-
The difference between people pleasing and generosity
-
5 ways to practice and get comfortable with saying ‘No’ so that you can say ‘Yes’ to yourself
-
Questions to ask yourself
Quotes:
“I lived in this constant state of overwhelm, exhaustion, resentment, guilt, and the reason why is because I couldn’t say ‘No’.”
“At a basic level a lot of this comes from people pleasing.”
“This issue can be debilitating.”
“People pleasers basically become subservient to others out of that desire for approval.”
“There’s, like, no magic combination of words that is going to solve that problem.”
“It’s like we’re protecting the other person.”
“You’re going to be able to say ‘No’ in a calm way and with integrity when you know how you want to feel and what you want to believe.”
“I was taught to replace ‘sorry’ with ‘thank you’.”
“Every ‘No’ to someone else becomes a ‘Yes’ for your own goal or goals.”
“We’re just getting super clear and focused on where we should be saying ‘No’ and where we should be saying ‘Yes’.”
“”Practicing saying ‘No’ in small, like, unimportant situations, is super helpful.”
“You’ve got to give yourself the opportunity to assess if this is something that is in alignment with what you want.”
“Man, that brain fights dirty.”
“I know how hard this is, but I also know how powerful it is.”
Show Links:
Have you joined my free Facebook community - The Goal-Getter’s Club? Join here
Email Kelly
Just Not Sorry
Studies
I am so excited to introduce you to another of my Ascend members, Kate Billings, in today’s episode. Kate is the founder of Bewitching Content, a business where she offers ghostwriting, developmental editing, book coaching, and content strategy services, furthering a love of books and writing which began in her childhood. As a child, she loved writing in secret, but, surrounded by adults who told her she could never make a living at it, Kate followed their advice and instead spent her time working on other people’s dreams rather than her own. However, in the past year, Kate has shifted significantly, and today you get a front row seat to this inspiring story.
Kate begins by sharing the story of her journey to her current situation, and along the way recounts the transitions she has made over the past year, the joy of finally considering herself a ‘real writer’, and finally earning what she is actually worth. We then explore a theme from a book I sent to Kate, Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic, the self-care routines that allow her to thrive, and the non-negotiables in her life which revealed themselves during the pandemic this year. Our conversation concludes with an examination of creativity in its many forms, and Kate’s advice to others finding themselves in the position she once experienced. If you have ever imagined a story where you get to make a living doing what you love, and, if like Kate, you have ever been told there’s no space for your story, then, believe me, this interview is definitely for you.
As always, and especially as we head into the Fall and all that entails, if you feel that you need additional support or just want to chat, please feel free to send me an email at support@kellytravis.net or DM me at https://www.instagram.com/kellythealth/ or join my free FB group The Goal-Getter’s Club at https://www.facebook.com/groups/goalgettersclubkellythealth/
The Finer Details of This Episode:
-
Kate’s journey to where she is now
-
The transitions that she has made
-
Becoming a ‘real’ writer
-
Kate’s evolution as a professional writer and earning what she deserves
-
Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic
-
The self-care routines that allow Kate to thrive
-
The non-negotiables in her life now
-
Creativity’s many different forms
-
Kate’s advice for others
Quotes:
“I really felt exhausted from writing things that were not really creative.”
“I decided to launch my business in the worst possible moment of all recent history, but it was a good time for me.”
“The whole world stopped so it gave me an opportunity to stop and think about what I wanted to do.”
“What’s really impressed me is the quality of clients that I’m receiving now after developing my website and thinking about that strategic direction instead of just accepting, you know, what I was getting offered.”
“I am a real, real writer.”
“I was really spending a lot of time on other people’s dreams.”
“It’s really changed spending the majority of my time on things that I care about.”
“In reality you can be really freaking happy and love what you do and make a living out of it, if you step fully into it, which is what you’re doing.”
“This is what I do and it’s my living, and people will pay for it.”
“We get to be the CEO of our body, of our life.”
“Sometimes you really just have to do things to keep your energy up and to refuel you.”
“I choose to amplify marginalized voices.”
Show Links:
Have you joined my free Facebook community - The Goal-Getter’s Club? Join here
Email Kelly
Bewitching Content:
Homepage
Today, I’d like to share a resource with all of you that I’ve been following for well over 6 months now, and which has been helping me immensely. Alisa Vitti’s book, In The FLO, is simply amazing as it demonstrates how we can take back control, and in fact leverage, our hormones and our cycles to actually have more energy and focus, and less anxiety, bloating, and all those other less than positive aspects. For far too long, we’ve been told to simply accept that we will feel shitty during our periods, but today, the work of hormone guru and period whisperer, Alisa Vitti, demonstrates that this isn’t the case at all, and that, in order to enjoy greater long term health, we can and need to understand and exert control over our cycles. The book’s Cycle Syncing system is all about not settling anymore for all that we have been taught in the past about our hormones, and it has become a bible for me - I feel certain that it will for you as well. If you are a woman who is beyond her reproductive years, you will still learn from this episode as I discuss how your body can thrive too.
I begin by examining the traditional reasons that women have been suffering for so long in this area, and go on to introduce infradian rhythm and the 6 key systems of the body over which it governs. I also go into some depth about the 4 phases which Alisa identifies, and share her recommendations for planning nutrition, workouts, and work during each phase. These recommendations reflect the underlying message that men and women have different biological and hormonal rhythm and, as such, we cannot continue to address each of these areas the same, regardless of what we have been taught in the past. At the end I also introduce some of the other areas that Alisa covers in her book, and briefly describe the MyFLO Tracker app that I use as well.
As always, and especially as we head into the Fall and all that entails, if you feel that you need additional support or just want to chat, please feel free to send me an email at support@kellytravis.net or DM me at https://www.instagram.com/kellythealth/ or join my free FB group The Goal-Getter’s Club at https://www.facebook.com/groups/goalgettersclubkellythealth/
The Finer Details of This Episode:
-
Reasons why women are suffering
-
The infradian rhythm and the 6 key systems of the body it governs
-
The difference in biological and hormone rhythm between men and women
-
The four phases and recommendations for planning nutrition, workouts, and work for each of them
-
Other areas that Alisa covers in the book
-
The MyFLO Tracker app
Quotes:
“The bottom line is we’re not supposed to feel like shit around our period, and the problem is it’s become just a norm.”
“We’re using diet, fitness, time management plans that are designed for men, and…they have different biological and hormone rhythm.”
“I really love this approach because it gives you permission to take care of yourself.”
“Ambitious women, we tend to just feel like we have to go and do and be all the things 24/7, and if we feel like crap, we just push through it, because we have to.”
“The US Women’s Soccer team players follow this timing of their cycles to map out the most effective training and resting schedule.”
“If you do the same workouts at the same intensity all the time, you will gain weight and lose lean muscle.”
“The medical results don’t lie.”
“Here’s literally a book, a method, that is saying, ‘Please rest while you’re on your period’.”
“We literally have to reprogram everything we’ve been taught to believe about how we should be doing things.”
“We have to have a plan. We have to know where we are in our cycle. And we have to listen - ask ourselves how we feel.”
“We have added advantages if we use these phases the right way.”
“We want to honor those cycles in business just as much as we want to honor them when it comes to our food and our fitness.”
“The message in all of this and what she says is to stop asking the question of ‘what’…and start asking the question of ‘when’.”
“Feeling the benefits has really allowed me to continue to do it.”
Show Links:
Have you joined my free Facebook community - The Goal-Getter’s Club? Join here
Email Kelly
In the FLO homepage
MyFLO Tracker app
On today’s episode, I am just so excited to introduce you all to one truly amazing woman who will both educate and inspire you. Keisha Shields is an executive and leadership adviser who shows women how to finally let go of other people's expectations of what their life should be and how to show up authentically in every way, with zero apologies. She specializes in how stigmas, stereotypes, grief and trauma can keep high-achieving women from using their voice to build the legacy, success and wealth they want, on their terms. One reason that Keisha is such a huge success in her business is that, as the wife of someone who has been sentenced to life in prison, she knows all about stigmas and stereotypes, and, more importantly, exactly how to move beyond them to show up authentically.
Keisha begins our conversation by sharing her backstory, the stigmas and stereotypes she felt, the physical and emotional impact of her fear of having her story discovered, and her reasons for deciding to stay with her husband. She describes the two different worlds in which she found herself, her approach to friendships both then and now, and the transition she made to showing up as her true self. Together, we discuss the stories we make up about how others see us, and Keisha talks about her current business, the traits she displayed as a child that are still with her today, how she’s actually doing these days, and what is next for her. At the conclusion, I share with you my greatest takeaway from this incredibly personal and inspiring conversation, and I encourage you to share yours with me as well. Let’s face it, we all have some aspect about ourselves which we’re hiding for fear of the judgment others may pass upon us. Whatever that aspect is, there’s a very good chance that it is not of the same magnitude as Keisha’s, which makes her story of overcoming stigmas and stereotypes both powerful and inspiring on a whole other level, and one that we all need to hear today.
As always, and especially as we head into September and all that entails, if you feel that you need additional support or just want to chat, please feel free to send me an email at support@kellytravis.net or DM me at https://www.instagram.com/kellythealth/ or join my free FB group The Goal-Getter’s Club at https://www.facebook.com/groups/goalgettersclubkellythealth/
The Finer Details of This Episode:
-
Keisha’s backstory
-
The stigma and stereotype of being a partner of someone who’s in the penal system
-
The physical and emotional impact of her fear of people finding out about her husband’s situation
-
Her decision to stay with someone with a life sentence without the possibility of parole
-
Keisha’s two separate worlds
-
Her approach to friendships
-
Her transition to showing up in her true, authentic self
-
Making up stories about how people see us
-
Keisha’s business
-
Her childhood traits that are still with her today
-
How she’s doing right now and what’s next for her
-
What Kelly learned from this conversation
Quotes:
“There was this huge stigma about, you know, having somebody who’s in prison, and what that means.”
“I started to really get curious about how stigmas and stereotypes really played a role, and who showed up at the forefront and who did not.”
“Aside from being Black, I break every other stereotype that they have had about what that looked like, and it makes me smile because, like it just challenges…the assumptions that people make.”
“The fact that he was in prison wasn’t actually the problem…it was the fact that my husband had a life sentence…as a teenager.”
“I was having to hide all of who I truly was.”
“You realize that you shine the best when you are able to truly be, you know, who you are.”
“We bury ourselves under stigmas because of the potential repercussions that can happen.”
“For…12 years, I created this monster in my of what people were going to say…I self-sabotaged.”
“People who have known me all my life would be surprised to hear this interview.”
“I live my life now by my own expectations, and that feels really good for me.”
“You have to feel very secure, hot, fabulous and when you do that, like, everything will change and you’ll be rock-solid and nothing anybody tries to do to take away from that will actually, you know, unground you.”
“When we see people who certainly have a situation that there is a stigma around, when we see them overcome that and own it, it’s so powerful and inspiring.”
Show Links:
Have you joined my free Facebook community - The Goal-Getter’s Club? Join here
Keisha’s homepage
Keisha’s podcast
As we draw closer to the end of summer and the change of seasons, I know that so many of us are still struggling to navigate our way through these unprecedented times, and to prepare for whatever the future will bring. Having spent a lot of time with my kids over the past few months, I’m tired, to be sure, but I’m also inspired by some of the lessons that they have taught me over this time – lessons that have helped me keep my sanity - and today I’d like to share them with you.
In this episode I’m sharing 5 lessons that we can learn from children if we can just tap into our own inner child a bit more deeply. We’ll also look at the many ways you can implement these lessons into your lives at any time, and especially during challenging times - like right now! You don’t have to have kids for these lessons to prove beneficial to you - they are applicable to anyone at any time. Join me today, and, together, let’s do the work necessary to navigate this coming season and beyond.
As always, and especially now, if you feel that you need additional support or just want to chat, please feel free to send me an email at support@kellytravis.net or DM me at https://www.instagram.com/kellythealth/.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
-
My sons’ business idea
-
5 things I’ve has learned from her sons
-
How you can put these lessons into action right now
Quotes:
“He’s not putting up restrictions on what his capabilities are.”
“I’m convinced that if we could tap into our inner child just a little bit more we would definitely be stepping into our power more…all of this is within us.”
“A good cry can be therapeutic.”
“88% of criers improve their mood.”
“Fear is something we need as humans to protect us.”
“If we let fear run the show, we get stuck, and we stay in that place of overwhelm and anxiousness, and all of those things.”
“Think about what not having help is preventing you from.”
“You can attempt more than is humanly possible…or you can let go of things and focus on what matters.”
“Perfectionism prevents us from seeing a rocket ship in a paper towel roll.”
“We are not allowing ourselves to have space to create or imagine.”
“Human touch releases a hormone…called oxytocin that makes us feel happy and loved.”
“We know that touch helps prevent viruses.””
“Just because we’re going through a pandemic doesn’t mean we have to be miserable.”
Show Links:
Have you joined my free Facebook community - The Goal-Getter’s Club? Join here
Email Kelly
I am excited to talk to you today about an important topic which is particularly relevant during these crazy times in which we currently find ourselves: toxic positivity. While it may be a term with which you are not entirely familiar, I can guarantee that at some point in your life you have experienced it, either on the giving or receiving end – I know I certainly have.
I’ll begin by defining toxic positivity, the evolutionary role of having negative feelings, and the potential danger of denying these feelings. I’ll also share my perspective on positive affirmations, review the signs of toxic positivity, and clarify how it is bad for our health and how to know if you are experiencing shame. We’ll explore the importance of honoring our feelings and embracing all of ourselves, some ways to respond to others going through difficult times, and just how you can avoid toxic positivity in your life. You may very well recognize yourself in some of the information shared today, but there is no shame to be had here – only awareness. Here, we enjoy that safe space where we can give ourselves some grace, learn to pay attention to situations where we may need to respond differently, and to check in with ourselves and give ourselves permission to feel all the things in our lives.
Speaking of safe spaces, as you may know, I have a couple of spots open in the next cohort of my Ascend Mastermind! If you’re tired of battling anxiety and overwhelm, feeling low on energy and confidence, and playing small in your life and work, and you’re ready to identify what you want and how to get there (in a healthy way) while in community with like-minded women, then this Mastermind is definitely for you. Schedule a call with me at http://www.kellytravis.net/ascend or send an email at support@kellytravis.net with questions. There are only a few spots left, and we start in September, so time is running out to contact me, have a chat, and see if this is right for you.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
-
The definition of toxic positivity
-
The evolutionary role of negative feelings and the potential dangers of denying them
-
Kelly’s perspective on positive affirmations
-
Signs of toxic positivity
-
How it is bad for our health
-
How to know if you are experiencing shame
-
Honoring our feelings and embracing all of ourselves
-
How to respond to others going through difficulties
-
Toxic positivity during the pandemic and when confronting systemic racism
-
What you can do to avoid toxic positivity
Quotes:
“We’ve been conditioned to believe that being happy all the time is the goal and that positive thinking gives us the keys to the castle.”
“Positivity can be downright dismissive.”
“Eternal optimism and shutting the door on negative feelings doesn’t make them go away. If anything, it exacerbates them.”
“I was literally not being who I truly was because I was so afraid of showing people that I wasn’t happy.”
“Shame is crippling to our spirit.”
“I’d rather be whole than good.”
“The relationship that you have with yourself is often reflected in the relationship you have with others.”
“The act of survival is mentally exhausting right now.”
“Black Americans and other people of color know that positivity alone isn’t going to dismantle systemic racism.”
Show Links:
Email Kelly
Study on the effects of denying feelings
Today’s topic is one that I’m really looking forward to bringing to you, and it’s one that I really want you to think about: incorporating habits that allow you to have rest and recovery. As ‘doers’, so many of us tend to pile stuff on ourselves, and we freak out a bit at the thought of taking the time to rest, but I guarantee you, it is extremely important not only to your performance, but your immune system, your relationships, your enthusiasm, and your mental health as well.
We’ll begin by looking at the need for rest and recovery, differentiating between sleep and rest, and the addiction that so many of us have to the busy-ness of our lives. I’ll also review the three main areas in our lives which require rest and recovery, their causes and symptoms, and I’ll share a number of practical strategies to help address exhaustion in these areas. Throughout the episode, I share my own experiences with this topic, and I know that so many of you will see yourselves in the examples provided. Exhaustion is so prevalent in our society these days, it’s time for us to address this head on and take action on the need for rest and recovery – we owe it to ourselves.
This important topic is just one of those which I focus on with my Ascend Mastermind ladies, and as you may know, I have reopened my Ascend Mastermind to a new cohort! If you’re tired of playing small in your life and work, and you’re ready to identify what you want and how to get there (in a healthy way) while in community with like-minded women, then this Mastermind is definitely for you. Schedule a call with me at http://www.kellytravis.net/ascend or send an email at support@kellytravis.net with questions. There are only a few spots left, and we start in September, so there’s no time like the present to have a chat with me and see if this is right for you.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
-
The need for rest and recovery
-
Sleep’s role in rest
-
My earlier podcast about sleep
-
The addiction to busy-ness
-
The three areas that need rest and recovery
-
Causes and symptoms of physical, mental and emotional exhaustion and strategies for their rest and recovery
Quotes:
“We can’t show up our best over and over again if we’re depleted mentally, physically, emotionally.”
“I am always to blame for the burnout and overwhelm I experience – I create it, I fuel it, and you probably do, too, especially if you’re a doer.”
“We don’t consider rest as a necessity in our culture.”
“It is a mind-body-spirit issue.”
“Typically, the area you exert the most energy is where you need to put the most recovery in and rest.”
“Your body reveals what it needs from you, but in order to hear it, you have to slow down and listen.”
“97% of us state we feel tired most of the time.”
“Your mind chatter feels like it never stops.”
“Emotions are contagious.”
“Women tend to be more vulnerable to absorbing the stress and negativity of those around them.”
“Say ‘Yes’ to the things that light you up and to the people that light you up.”
Show Links:
Email Kelly
Free guide: 7 Things Your Nightly Routine Should Include
Sleep episode
Carolyn’s homepage
Today, I am so excited to welcome the very special Taunya Craig to the podcast. Taunya is a Relationship Therapist, Coach, and Speaker who completed her counseling training at Clearmind International through their Transpersonal Psychology Counseling Program. She has combined this with her life experiences and lessons to create her own compassionate, non-judgmental practice specializing in relationships.
In today’s conversation, Taunya shares her own remarkable life story and how she got to where she is today. This leads into our discussion about self-discovery and valuing yourself, true vulnerable connections, emotionally safe relationships, and determining what is of service to you. Taunya shares how she helps people learn to understand themselves, experience feelings, and acquire the key skills of offering validation, and sharing vulnerability. Throughout the interview, she stresses the need to form a relationship with yourself, enjoy the ‘juicy’ part of life, and also to know when enough is enough with a relationship. Our conversation draws to a close with the emotional story behind one of Taunya’s tattoos, and her own stirring description of the woman she has become. By the end of the interview, you will undoubtedly recognize why Taunya Craig is such a valuable contributor to my Ascend Mastermind work – she is an incredible lady who has experienced so much in her life, and is fully engaged to help others establish meaningful and positive relationships in their lives. And she has provided a special discount code for today’s listeners – so be sure to stick around until the end for that as well.
If you love what you hear from Taunya today - you’ll be thrilled to know that she is a guest coach for my Ascend Mastermind group. Don’t forget that I have reopened my Ascend Mastermind to a new cohort! If you’re tired of playing small in your life and work, and you’re ready to identify what you want and how to get there (in a healthy way) while in community with like-minded women, then this Mastermind is definitely for you. Schedule a call with me at http://www.kellytravis.net/ascend or send an email at support@kellytravis.net with questions. Registration is closing in another week, so now is the time to make that call and see if it is right for you.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
-
Who Taunya is and how she got to where she is now
-
Self-discovery and valuing yourself
-
Having true vulnerable connection in an emotionally safe relationship
-
Taunya’s experience with bulimia
-
“Is this in the service of me?”
-
Understanding yourself and experiencing the feelings
-
Validation and sharing vulnerably
-
How to know when enough is enough in a relationship
-
Having a relationship with yourself
-
The ‘juicy part of life’
-
Taunya’s tattoo
-
Who Taunya is now
Quotes:
“One day I woke up and I realized that I didn’t know who I was.”
“I was living a shell, completely living this life, one of who I was supposed to be in everybody’s eyes.”
“Showing up with someone, heart to heart vulnerably, really f*n messy – that’s the essence of life.”
“If the relationship isn’t right for you, then, frick, you’ve got to get out.”
“Damn, girl, you go out and you taste every kind of ice cream in the ice cream store.”
“That’s the epicenter of any change – we need to take ourselves first…when we don’t say, ‘Yes’ to us, ultimately we’re betraying ourselves.”
“People really do want the best version of you.”
“You have to step into it 100% fully, do the work, and really pay attention to what you’re receiving back so you can evaluate.”
“Learn to acknowledge the emotions that are happening for you…speak to the here and now.”
Show Links:
Email Kelly
Taunya’s homepage
Taunya’s course
Gottman relationship resources
Discount code: SDS25
On today’s very special episode, I want to introduce you to one of the fantastic ladies that I have the opportunity to work with in my Ascend Mastermind group, Dr. Erica Grunwald.
In our conversation today, Erica shares her background, her road to dentistry, what it took to open her own business, and the role that her Navy training played in helping her through this time. She also discusses the impact that her divorce had upon her, the importance of making the shift to value herself, and she offers the reason she joined Ascend and exactly how it has helped her. Erica reviews her feelings about the progress she has made, outlines the impact she wants to make, and offers a heartfelt message to listeners about the difference Ascend can make in their lives. If you are sitting on the fence about joining my Ascend Mastermind group, if you are not sure it’s for you, if you are hesitant even in the least, you will find, as you listen today, that you have a lot in common with Erica. And like this incredible lady, you owe it to yourself to reach out and contact me to see how we can work together to find the right fit for you to achieve that ‘something more’ that you want and deserve in your life.
Happily, the timing of today’s episode couldn’t be better as you may remember that I have reopened my Ascend Mastermind to a new cohort! If you’re tired of playing small in your life and work, and, like Erica, you’re ready to identify what you want and how to get there (in a healthy way) while in community with like-minded women, then this Mastermind is definitely for you. Schedule a call with me at http://www.kellytravis.net/ascend or send an email at support@kellytravis.net with questions.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
-
The many benefits of joining the Ascend Mastermind cohort
-
Erica’s background, what drew her to dentistry, and what it took for her to own her own business
-
Erica’s life as she was looking to start her business
-
How her Navy training helped during this time
-
The impact of Erica’s divorce
-
Making the shift to valuing who you are and not settling
-
Why Erica joined Ascend and how it has helped her
-
How she feels about the progress she has made
-
The impact that Erica wants to make
-
Her message to listeners about Ascend
Quotes:
“I want you to acknowledge that it’s time to take your power back, and there are so many ways we do this in Ascend.”
“When you put your name on the line of everything…there’s no safety net, and you just hope for the best.”
“I don’t feel like this anymore, but at the time, I’m like, ‘Well, now I’m like damaged or something’.”
“I’m not going to be taken for a ride anymore.”
“Learning to love myself, and love the skin I’m in, just completely changed my whole, like, being, and my energy.”
“It’s amazing when you put the work in, it’s amazing how it just works…I’m a new person because of it.”
“The greatest thing about Ascend is the support, and the friendships that you make with people that you would never meet before…the ladies are amazing…that energy just explodes.”
“Working toward your goals in a community where you have that support and accountability gives you that extra push to keep showing up, and you’ve done that.”
“It feels like every baby step I take, it’s getting more comfortable, and it’s also helping me focus on what exactly…is the impact I want to make.”
“Dream big and don’t settle.”
Show Links:
Join The Goal Getters Club Facebook group
Email Kelly
Many people seem familiar with the notion of having a fear of failure, but what about the fear of success? This fear has been found to be strongest in women who are highly motivated to succeed, and yet many of us don’t even realize we have it. This is precisely why it is the topic of today’s episode.
We’ll begin by looking at imagining ‘big ass’ goals for yourself, and then I’ll introduce you to Matina Horner and the origins of this concept of fear of failure. We’ll review some of the reasons and ways that we experience this fear, and I’ll share some strategies to help you manage it. Recognizing fear of success and taking steps to address it will go a long way in keeping it from holding you back from achieving the success you have defined for yourself. Today, let’s join together in that journey.
Speaking of journeying together, I remain extremely excited to remind you that I have reopened my Ascend Mastermind to a new cohort! If you’re tired of playing small in your life and work, and you’re ready to identify what you want and how to get there (in a healthy way) while in community with like-minded women, then this Mastermind is definitely for you. Contact me at http://www.kellytravis.net/ascend for further information.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
-
Imagining ‘big ass goals’
-
Matina Horner and the origins of the fear of success concept
-
Reasons and ways that this fear is experienced
-
Managing fear of success
Quotes:
“Fear of success is this thing that we carry around with us, but we don’t even know it’s there.”
“It’s not really a failure unless you don’t learn from it.”
“It’s far easier to imagine failure than to imagine success.”
“It’s only human to wonder whether you’ll be able to handle the challenge.”
“Look at your list of reasons you can’t and turn them into reasons you can…flip the negatives.”
“Everything comes down to stories.”
“You are deserving of playing bigger, doing more, having what you want, unapologetically.”
Show Links:
Join The Goal Getters Club Facebook group
Email Kelly
Matina Horner and Fear of Success
Today’s episode explores that dirty little secret of successful women - the fact that, deep down, we feel like complete frauds. Officially known as the Impostor Syndrome, this psychological phenomenon affects virtually all high-performing women, and today we dig deep into its causes and effects, as well as some strategies to counter it.
We’ll begin by delving into just what exactly this syndrome is and how you will know that you’re experiencing it. I then go on to share some personal details about how it has shown up in my life, and the impact it can have upon our lives. Dr. Valerie Young’s 5 identified subgroups of this syndrome and their roots are discussed as are the 6 steps to follow when it ‘creeps up’ in your life. As a successful woman, you will undoubtedly recognize yourself in one or more of the scenarios shared here today. Rest assured that you are definitely not alone in this, and following these recommended steps can help you move through this Impostor Syndrome, and greatly reduce its impact on yourself, your self esteem, and, ultimately, your success.
Once again, I remain extremely excited to remind you that I have reopened my Ascend Mastermind to a new cohort! If you’re tired of playing small in your life and work, and you’re ready to identify what you want and how to get there (in a healthy way) while in community with like-minded women, then this Mastermind is definitely for you. Contact me at http://www.kellytravis.net/ascend for further information.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
-
What Impostor Syndrome is and how you know you’re experiencing it
-
How it has shown up in Kelly’s life
-
The impact this syndrome has and the importance of moving through it
-
The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women by Dr. Valerie Young
-
Dr. Young’s 5 subgroups of this syndrome and the roots of each
-
The 6 steps to follow when Impostor Syndrome ‘creeps up’
Quotes:
“In short, Impostor Syndrome is a hot mess of harmfulness.”
“Basically, in this mindset, we will take any fact and use it against ourselves.”
“You undermine your own health and happiness.”
“You’ll find that every single one of these results in shame.”
“To move past this, really the work you need to do is to see yourself as a work in progress…identify specific behaviors that you can improve on over time.”
“That spot where you’re underselling yourself is likely the root of the problem.”
“Others tend to see the greatness in us before we do.”
“You’re not alone in this…we all experience these same thoughts.”
Show Links:
Join The Goal Getters Club Facebook group
Email Kelly
My very special guest today is licensed therapist, social worker, and author of REAL: Radical, Empathic Acceptance of Life, Khadijah Tishan Washington. Khadijah is a beautiful spark of contagious energy whose story of struggle and triumph renders her uniquely qualified to help people walk through their past and move through it in a safe and healthy way. She is a generational trauma specialist who has turned her hard life experiences into making a positive impact upon the lives of others, focusing on their self-care and healing.
Khadijah begins by sharing her personal history and both her personal and professional involvement in the social work and mental health fields. She also describes the 6PIC Community Center, and delves into some of the major components of her book, particularly the aspects of helping others while she herself was healing, the code-switching which she must employ, and her role as a truth teller, opening the door for others to tell their stories. Khadijah’s work with generational trauma, starting the healing process, and asking those radical questions is also discussed during this fascinating conversation. Clearly, her work is very near and dear to my heart, and, while her message is of course timeless, it is particularly relevant now given recent events throughout our country and the world. I know you will be as amazed and inspired by this incredible woman as I have been, and I strongly encourage you to listen to all she has to teach us both in today’s episode and in her remarkable book.
I am also extremely excited to remind you that I have reopened my Ascend Mastermind to a new cohort! If you’re tired of playing small in your life and work, and you’re ready to identify what you want and how to get there (in a healthy way) while in community of like-minded women, then this Mastermind is definitely for you. Contact me at http://www.kellytravis.net/ascend for further information.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
-
Khadijah’s personal history
-
Her personal and professional involvement with social work and mental health
-
6PIC
-
Her book, REAL: Radical, Empathic Acceptance of Life
-
Khadijah’s experiences with helping while healing, code-switching, and being a truth teller
-
Her work with generational trauma
-
Starting the healing process
-
Asking radical questions
Quotes:
“Even in the chaos of my own family of origin, I always had a sense that I had family.”
“Finding a therapist is like finding a spouse…every one is not going to work for you.”
“It’s a really delicate balance where you never really get to be…your own self.”
“I realized that, through telling my story, other people who look like me, then that gives them permission to tell their story…I have to be the truth teller.”
“Sharing pain is almost like an honor…it comes with a lot of trust building.”
“My goal is to have everyone for justice and for awareness and for peace.”
“This is why racism has to be eradicated, because we’re literally dying…not from just police officers, I mean actual health, education, prisons, families…we just owe it to each other to take a deeper look into the layers of it.”
“I didn’t want to have another child grow up like I did.”
“No one ever taught me how to succeed, they only taught me how to survive.”
“I know that this is really hard work, and you’ve been doing it for your entire f’ing life.”
Show Links:
Join The Goal Getters Club Facebook group
Khadijah’s Website
Khadijah’s Book
Khadijah’s social media:
As we find ourselves halfway through 2020, it’s a good time to revisit the goals that we made for this year and take an honest look at just where exactly we find ourselves at this point. While the world has certainly presented us with unexpected challenges over the first half of this year, we still have the whole second half left to recenter, refocus, recalibrate, and reset as necessary, and today’s episode will show you how.
In this episode, I walk you through the steps involved in my goal review exercise, guide you as you complete it for yourself, and share with you my own experience of completing it. I also review the impact that the events of the past few months can have upon the attainment of our goals, recommend a couple of past episodes which may prove beneficial to you in this whole process, and remind you of the importance of acknowledging and honoring everything you have already accomplished. This is an episode that will help you check in with yourself, identify those areas where you have control, create some little actions to focus on and manage, and maintain the stability, strength and motivation necessary to keep showing up and moving forward. You are capable of doing so much more than you think – let’s put in the work together to make that a reality in this second half of 2020.
I am also extremely excited to announce that I have reopened my Ascend Mastermind to a new cohort! If you’re in a place right now where you recognize that you need to uplevel your mindset, habits, and strategies to create the career or business and life that you want, then this Mastermind is definitely for you. Contact me at http://www.kellytravis.net/ascend for further information.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
-
Kelly’s goal review exercise
-
Her experience of completing the exercise herself
-
The impact that the events of the past few months can have on goals
-
Revisiting some past episodes
-
The importance of acknowledging and honoring all the things you have done
Quotes:
“Get honest with yourself.”
“We’ve had major shifts in how we move through life, how we navigate day to day.”
“My priorities, my values, have changed so much in the last 4 months.”
“We’re all very different people than we were in January.”
“Give yourself some grace.”
“Asking yourself what you want through all of this is really important.”
“You’ve been doing a lot and you’ve been doing a good job…you are capable of so much more than you think – so much more.”
Show Links:
Join The Goal Getters Club Facebook group
Free Download “5 Steps to Setting Goals
Today, you are in for a very special treat as I sit down with one of my wonderful clients, Shea Green, to talk about her life and the transformation that she continues to experience as we work together. Born and raised in Las Vegas, Shea helped develop an LGBTQ group as a teenager, and later on hosted a lesbian support group as a volunteer. She is that remarkable type of individual who always steps up and will always be there for the people in her life whenever they need her. I find myself constantly in awe of her, and I know you will be as well as you listen in today.
Shea begins by sharing her remarkable adoption story and the impact that it has had on her life. She also describes her ‘coming out’ experience, her struggle for identity, the transformation which she continues to undergo, and the power and necessity of stepping into confidence with both her work and her relationships. We finish by looking at how Shea describes herself these days and her current life goals. As you listen, you will realize, as I have, that this is one amazing individual who is going places. I just know that you will find some aspect of her story that resonates with you and helps you see what is truly possible when you are ready and willing to put in the work necessary to have the life you want and deserve.
For one more week I’m offering a free 30 minute Mind Your Health coaching call which you can learn more about here: http://www.kellytravis.net/mind-your-health
The Finer Details of This Episode:
-
Shea’s adoption story and its impact upon her
-
Her ‘coming out’ experience
-
Shea’s identity struggle
-
Her transformation
-
Stepping into confidence in work and relationships
-
“Who is Shea?”
-
Shea’s life goals
Quotes:
“I struggled for a really long time with that abandonment issue, and it would relate to everything.”
“When I started going to your sessions is when I really started to do those breakthrough moments…it isn’t something that I’m doing, it’s just what happened.”
“As soon as I made that decision of, ‘This is who I am, and I need to tell the world’ it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.”
“I made sure to surround myself with people who had a similar mindset, who were supportive, who were in the LGBTQ+ community.”
“I’ve got to live up to Kelly’s expectations!”
“It shouldn’t be a one-sided situation ever in any kind of relationship. And if it is, you need to really re-evaluate that relationship and have a hard conversation…if you don’t, it’s the same as being in the closet, like it’s the same as carrying that weight.”
“I’m just a joyful person now.”
Show Links:
Join The Goal Getters Club Facebook group
Email Kelly
Free Download “5 Ways to Positively Manage Your Emotions
Shea’s Instagram and TikTok: @sheaboogie05
I’m turning 40 (today!) and in the midst of everything going on globally - I almost forgot. Thinking back to the start of the year, I had big plans to do 40 things by the time this occasion came around, but have since found that the events of the past 6 months have altered some of the plans I made back then. Instead, after much reflection, I have turned my focus to the many lessons I have learned in my 40 years, and today I share 40 of them with you.
In addition to highlighting each of these lessons, I also provide a brief overview of its impact and value. I also explore how and why many of these lessons came about, the fact that many still require work, the length of time necessary to learn some of these, and how our thinking impacts virtually all of them. Together, we’ll also look at the fact that so many of them are particularly valuable during our current shared situation, and that a common theme runs through all of them. While this was a fun exercise for me to undertake, it has also proven to be a beneficial consolidation of all that I have learned, and consequently taught, over the years, and I know it will prove valuable for you as well. During a time when circumstances cause so many of us to turn inward and focus on the negative, I invite you instead to join with me today in this celebration of our accomplishments and of lessons learned which move us forward in a positive direction.
For one more week I’m offering a free 30 minute Mind Your Health coaching call which you can learn more about here: http://www.kellytravis.net/mind-your-health
The Finer Details of This Episode:
-
40 things I’ve learned over my 40 years
-
How and why these lessons came about
-
The work still outstanding on many of these lessons
-
The time that many of them take to learn
-
The role that our thoughts play in these lessons
-
The common theme running through them all
Quotes:
“You have everything you need inside of you.”
“Right now, especially, we are being called to show up in big, big ways.”
“At the end of it all…I’m going to care about who I loved, and how I lived, and the moments I remember.”
“Life goes too fast!”
“By focusing on what’s going well, and what’s thriving in my life, I’m in a better headspace, I’m excited for the future, I know that there is so much possibility and potential, and I’m also teaching my kids to have that same focus.”
“There is a general theme here in terms of really recognizing my worth, my value, and…choosing thoughts that are going to move me in a positive direction, and I hope that you learn that as well.”
Show Links:
Join The Goal Getters Club Facebook group
Email Kelly
Free Download “5 Ways to Positively Manage Your Emotions
As we are all aware, this entire year has been so challenging on so many fronts, and, as you also know, I am always all about showing up to help you work through these challenges in your lives. Today is definitely no exception. The topic of this episode may very well make you uncomfortable, and it should do just that, as we discuss anti-racism and what we all can do to help ensure that what we are experiencing now does not simply pass as a moment, but rather becomes a movement.
In this episode, I will deliver to you some coaching around how you can show up right now, how you can learn and become more self-aware, how you can pay attention to your thoughts, and how you can move forward with some strategies and some intention specific to what we are going through right now in America. And, since the first step in any action is to educate yourself, I also share with you all some excellent resources to explore. Let’s be clear, I am not an anti-racism educator, but I am all about creating goals and setting strategies to achieve them, so if you are unsure about how to start stepping into the work surrounding this topic or if you are feeling a little overwhelmed by it at all, this is one podcast that you absolutely need to hear.
Please remember that if you feel you need to talk, I am available for you with my free 30 minute Mind Your Health call which you can learn more about here:
http://www.kellytravis.net/mind-your-health
As always, you are also invited to join my private Facebook group, the Goal Getters Club for community, inspiration and support.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
-
Making this a movement not a moment
-
Some recommendations of informative and insightful resources
-
Self-awareness, educating yourself, and becoming a ‘co-liberator’
-
Using thought work and the 4 step thought exercise
-
Creating sustainable consistent action while ensuring rest and self-care
Quotes:
“This is not a 30 day challenge. This is a lifetime commitment if you’re really going to do the work. This is a marathon…Our black friends don’t get to take a break. They’re in this marathon whether they want to be in it or not, and they’ve been in it for their entire life.”
“If you grow up in a white dominated society…you have absorbed messages constantly about whose lives matter more, and you absorbed negative messages about color of skin.”
“If you can come to accept that what causes your thoughts is just part of what our surroundings were…and that we can actually contribute to the greater cause if we work through that stuff, then we all can make a difference. We are all racist.”
“If somebody calls you out on it from the black community, you listen and you hear them, and you ask questions…and then you learn, and you show up differently.”
“Doing nothing is a privilege, and staying silent feeds into this. And I want us all to do better.”
“I just want to say to my black listeners: I’m with you, I stand with you, I hope you are resting, I hope you are acknowledging what you need right now, and asking for help, because it is our job to take on some of that load for you.”
Show Links:
Join The Goal Getters Club Facebook group
Email Kelly
Brene Brown podcast
Co-Conspired Conversations podcast
Sincerely, Lettie podcast
The Good Ancestor podcast:
[Book that Kelly is using at home with her children]
In this episode, in support of Black Lives Matter and to amplify the voices and work of Black men and women, I am providing a list of things you can do to invest in unpacking your racism and begin learning how deeply rooted systemic racism is in this country. I am only sharing those who I have worked with or engaged with over a good length of time because I can speak to their work, so this list is not exhaustive.
I am not an expert. I am learning and unlearning too. Please look to these voices to learn and understand what you can do.
Here are some links to go with those individuals and organizations I shared:
https://www.rachelcargle.com/
http://laylafsaad.com/
https://www.patreon.com/theconsciouskid
https://www.trudilebron.com
https://www.louizadoran.com/dismantle
https://www.nothowthatworks.com/
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/first-name-basis-podcast/id1474439369
http://laylafsaad.com/good-ancestor-podcast
https://blacklivesmatter.com
https://colorofchange.org
As we approach the halfway point of 2020, and we reflect upon the goals we set at the start of the year, I want to talk to you all about an all too common stumbling block for women in having the energy and time to accomplish these goals, and that is martyrdom behavior. I know that this is a category that I fell into for a long time, and today we’ll explore if you are showing up in that way as well, and I’ll offer some tools to help you move through it so you can start enjoying the crap out of life!
We’ll begin by looking at just what the Martyr Complex is, where it shows up in our lives, and the costs associated with living out the martyr role. We’ll also review the part that guilt plays within this role, and I’ll share 5 steps you can take to help move you through martyrdom. As you’ve heard me say time and time again, we are not meant to have to struggle and suffer to have the life we want, but we are meant to enjoy life and having fun plays an important role within that. Today’s episode is your invitation to flip the switch, to shift your mindset, to change the behaviors, and to start to live your life in a very different way so that you feel happier, more fulfilled, and better prepared to move forward on your goals.
Want support in this? Join my private Facebook group, the Goal Getters Club for community, inspiration and support. And, while enrollment for my Dare to Thrive Community is now closed, you can still sign up for the waitlist to join the next time it opens. Links for both appear below.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
-
The Martyr Complex, where it shows up, and the costs involved
-
The part that guilt plays in taking on the martyr role
-
5 steps to help you move beyond martyr behavior
Quotes:
“We wrap our identity up in this thing where we have to be the one who is suffering and doing everything so that everybody else can enjoy their life.”
“The suffering that some women feel boils down to contradictory and irreconcilable values.”
“There is a lot of guilt that women experience when they are focusing on their career or their business and feel like it’s interfering with their responsibilities at home.”
“On one hand, being a martyr is about experiencing the struggle and suffering and sacrificing yourself for the sake of others, and on the other hand, it’s about these false rewards you receive from behaving this way. And that’s what I want you to identify.”
“The more we do things we want to do, the less resentful we are towards those who are enjoying life.”
“No one else is responsible for giving you permission to set aside time for you – that’s on you…you are entitled to your own time…it is not a luxury, it is a necessity.”
Show Links:
Dare to Thrive Membership: https://www.kellytravis.net/thrive
Join The Goal Getters Club Facebook group - https://www.facebook.com/groups/goalgettersclubkellythealth
Email Kelly: support@kellytravis.net
What if you chose to act in your power and strength instead of playing small? What if you supported and lifted up other women who are strong and powerful? These questions and the choice you have in responding to them are at the heart of today’s episode which is all about the impact that choosing to step into your power can have upon your life and the lives of others around you.
We start off by looking at the conditioning that is ingrained in us as women and the effects it can have, especially the fear of being judged and not accepted if we choose to realize and step into our power. We also explore some common perceptions of powerful women, and the many, many benefits, to ourselves and others, of supporting and celebrating these courageous females. So many amazing things can and do happen when we as women unlearn everything we’ve been led to believe about being female in our personal and professional lives. While today’s message is one that all can relate to, I can guarantee you that, if you find this notion of stepping up, using our voice, and taking up space moves you out of your comfort zone even a little bit, today’s episode is definitely a ‘must listen’ for you.
Want support in this? Join my private Facebook group, the Goal Getters Club for community, inspiration and support. And, while enrollment for my Dare to Thrive Community is now closed, you can still sign up for the waitlist to join the next time it opens. Links for both appear below.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
-
The impact that conditioning can have upon our lives
-
Fear of being judged and not being accepted
-
Perceptions of women who have chosen to realize and step into their power
-
The many benefits of supporting each other
-
‘Self-efficacy by vicarious experiences’
Quotes:
“That desire to be small, and to not use my voice, and to not take up space, informed so many of my decisions later in life.”
“We want to be accepted and loved, and that desire creates so much fear when it comes to venturing out and to becoming more.”
“Stop apologizing…walk taller…be decisive.”
“The reward for following the rules, and shrinking and playing small is belonging. And belonging is hard wired in us, so this is a hard one to switch.”
“You can be humble and still be powerful.”
“We should be cheering each other on, not bringing each other down.”
“We all want the same thing – we want to feel like we matter, and we want to feel stronger and more capable, more confident, we want to achieve our goals.”
Show Links:
Dare to Thrive Membership: https://www.kellytravis.net/thrive
Join The Goal Getters Club Facebook group - https://www.facebook.com/groups/goalgettersclubkellythealth
Email Kelly: support@kellytravis.net
Today’s topic is one that might just surprise you, and will certainly challenge you, as we look at the notion of ditching perfectionism and the sense of overwhelm that its pursuit generates in our lives. This is an episode that is highly relevant at any time, and particularly so during the time of craziness that we are experiencing throughout the world today.
In addition to reviewing ‘secret rules’ which have been ingrained in us and which so often serve only to hold us back, I will explore with you the 5 rules that will allow you to ditch perfectionism while still maintaining momentum, as well as some examples of how to implement these rules. As always, I will share with you some questions and actions to consider, and I’m asking you to focus on just one of these goals this week. Today’s episode is all about taking imperfect, messy action without feeling bad about yourself. It’s about reducing the constant overwhelm, and increasing your energy and focus so that you can ‘get shit done’. Essentially, it’s about the fact that we are not meant to suffer and struggle in order to have the life we want - let go a little bit, show up even better, and let’s enjoy the ride together.
As previously mentioned, enrollment for my Dare to Thrive Community is now closed, but you can still sign up for the waitlist to join the next time it opens. In the meantime, if you’re looking for support in a community, my Goal Getters Club remains an excellent option, and the links for both appear below.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
-
The ‘secret rules’ we tell ourselves that hold us back
-
Decide what to let go of
-
Cut your goals in half
-
Create ruthless boundaries
-
Set non-negotiables
-
Have fun
Quotes:
“Identify your ‘secret rules’, ditch them, and replace them.”
“When you try to do it all, you end up doing nothing, and especially, nothing well.”
“Would the world fall apart if you did less or took longer? Not likely.”
“We forget that if we are saying ‘Yes’ to everybody else and putting everybody else first, then we are saying ‘No’ to ourselves, our own priorities, our own goals.”
“What are the things that help you thrive?”
“We need to experience joy and fun in order to do our best, in order to be successful, and especially, to enjoy the ride.”
Show Links:
Dare to Thrive Membership: https://www.kellytravis.net/thrive
Join The Goal Getters Club Facebook group - https://www.facebook.com/groups/goalgettersclubkellythealth
Email Kelly: support@kellytravis.net
I am so excited to welcome you all to today’s episode where I have the opportunity to engage with my very special guest, Ajna Pisani, in a highly relevant discussion about relationships and the impact our current situation can have upon them. Ajna is a psychotherapist and transformative coach with a wealth of knowledge and advice regarding relationships and transformative theories, which, I know you will agree, is just what we all need right now.
In this episode, we look at relationship mission statements and shared visions, the stories we create in our heads and how they affect our relationships, and the power of committing to be in ‘good will’ with our partners. Ajna also shares her suggestions for working on relationships, and offers advice for those who are living through these difficult times without a partner. You will find, as you listen, that Ajna and I speak the same language, finding opportunity and hope in this ‘global period of transformation’, encouraging you all to ‘stay healthy, stay safe, [and] stay connected, whatever that means to you’.
I must also emphasize that, should you ever find yourself in a relationship where you do not feel safe and/or your children are not safe, there is always help available for you. Check the resources in the links below, or contact me and I will help you find them.
While enrollment for my Dare to Thrive Community is now closed, you can sign up for the waitlist to join the next time it opens. In the meantime, if you’re looking for support in a community, my Goal Getters Club remains an excellent option, and the link for both appears below.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
-
The impact that the current quarantine situation can have upon relationships
-
Relationship ‘mission statements’ and shared visions
-
How the stories we create in our heads impact our relationships
-
Ajna’s suggestions for working on relationships
-
Committing to be in ‘good will’ with your partner
-
Ajna’s advice for singles
Quotes:
“Everybody is being forced to turn inward, which I think is kind of a good thing in some ways – super painful in others.”
“We are never in the same relationship as our partner. We have our own separate created realities.”
“The only person you ever let off the hook with forgiveness is yourself.”
“I think that people make relationships more difficult and complicated when they try and work through problems.”
“I also really think that you have so much more control over how things go than you think you might.”
“Always come back to seeing what you can see more deeply about love and compassion for yourself…that will always be the fertile soil for any relationships that you have.”
Show Links:
Dare to Thrive Membership: https://www.kellytravis.net/thrive
Join The Goal Getters Club Facebook group - https://www.facebook.com/groups/goalgettersclubkellythealth
Email Kelly: support@kellytravis.net
Ajna’s homepage: https://www.ajnapisani.com/
Ajna’s Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/ajnpisani/
Resources:
Domestic violence resources: https://www.thehotline.org/blog/get-help-today/
There are a small number of ambitious women who truly feel good mentally, physically, and emotionally. What this means is that there are many more out there who appear to have it all together, but who are actually exhausted, overwhelmed, filled with self-doubt, and just feeling rough. This needs to change, and, as you know by now, I’m obsessed with doing just that.
We tend to ask ourself negative questions throughout the day that are NOT effective. Today, I am challenging you to ask yourself good questions which, although they may make you feel a bit uncomfortable, will move you forward, empower you, and give you hope. You shouldn’t have to suffer and struggle to have the life you want, and the ‘5 W’s and an H’ which I pose to you in this episode will help move you in the right direction so that you can, indeed, thrive instead.
Again, I know things are uncertain out there, and because of that I’m excited to share that enrollment for my membership community is open (until May 3rd)! Now is the time to recognize you don’t have to suffer to have the life you want. Join to be in community with like-minded women, gain support as you navigate these challenging times and be reminded to continue to create goals for right now and the future. Learn more and sign up at www.kellytravis.net/thrive
The Finer Details of This Episode:
-
Why do you want to change?
-
Who will this impact in a positive way?
-
When will you start?
-
Where are you starting from?
-
What action do you need to take first?
-
How will you do it?
Quotes:
“Our ‘why’s’ can fool us, and if they aren’t strong enough, it’s very easy to quit…you’ve got to get emotional.”
“There’s so much we can’t control, but we can control what we do for ourselves so that we can make an impact on the world.”
“Get honest with yourself – there is nothing preventing you from starting right now, except yourself.”
“Knowing where you’re starting and where you’re trying to get to is really important.”
“All you need to do is focus on the next thing that is in front of you.”
“If we’re talking about ‘how’, here we go: I want you to have what my members have right now – my support, accountability, a community of women who are focused on who they want to be, and how they want to feel…how they want life to look for themselves.”
Show Links:
Dare to Thrive Membership: https://www.kellytravis.net/thrive
Email Kelly: support@kellytravis.net
Free checklist “5 Ways to Positively Manage Your Emotions”: https://kellythealth.lpages.co/5-positive-ways
D-Nice’s Instagram page: https://www.instagram.com/dnice/
John Krasinski’s ‘Some Good News’ YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOe_y6KKvS3PdIfb9q9pGug
I’m back again with a ‘quickie’ bonus episode which, I’ll tell you right up front, just might piss you off a bit, and which definitely conjures up some emotions for me. Today, I’m putting a challenge out there to you all: to look at COVID-19 as your ‘bathroom floor moment’, your wake-up call to make that decision to shift from merely surviving to actually thriving. While I fully recognize that this presents a difficult task, especially for those of you who are being hit hardest by this pandemic, I can also assure you that, if you are able to adopt this new perspective, it will have a remarkable impact upon your life.
There is absolutely no doubt that we’re all riding this Coronavirus rollercoaster these days, celebrating the highs and working our way through the lows – I’m right there, living it along with you. I also know that this moment in time, this disruption, gives us a unique opportunity to experience that quiet which brings us to a place we all too often avoid – that place where we recognize those areas in our lives that we need to work on. By sharing my own story with you today, I want to encourage you, too, to make that difficult but ultimately rewarding decision, to take yourself off autopilot, to participate in your future, and to decide that you simply won’t ‘settle’ anymore.
Again, I know things are uncertain out there, and because of that I’m officially opening up enrollment for my membership community. Now is the time to be in community with like-minded women, gain support as you navigate these challenging times and be reminded to continue to create goals for right now and the future. Learn more and sign up at
https://kelly-travis.mykajabi.com/dare-to-thrive
The Finer Details of This Episode:
-
Kelly’s story and her decision to shift from surviving to thriving
-
Looking at COVID-19 as a ‘bathroom floor moment’ or wake-up call
-
Managing your thoughts
-
Joining the ‘Dare to Thrive’ community
Quotes:
“I had been moving along through life on this auto-pilot that many of you can relate to.”
“What if you use this to clarify what you want to focus on now and when we move through this?”
“There is so much power in making that decision, in acknowledging that shit isn’t okay, that good enough isn’t okay, and that you are allowed to want more, and we are meant to thrive, not survive, my friend.”
“You’re so capable of doing it and what’s on the other side is a hell of a lot better.”
“Realign your priorities…realize your power, and…reach your potential.”
Show Links:
Dare to Thrive Membership:
https://kelly-travis.mykajabi.com/dare-to-thrive
Free checklist “5 Ways to Positively Manage Your Emotions”: https://kellythealth.lpages.co/5-positive-ways
As promised last week, today’s episode is all about cravings and how we can overcome them not just during the COVID-19 pandemic, but at any point in our lives as we deal with the daily stress and anxiety that comes our way. As we are all too aware, cravings are a fact of life, so today we’ll look at understanding the 5 main ‘cravings culprits’ while also exploring some measures you can implement to manage them.
Addictive foods, dehydration, low protein foods, stress, and emotional eating are five of the main culprits, and they can be overcome if you first understand them and then counter with appropriate and effective strategies. You need to know that today’s show is not at all about shaming anyone or generating feelings of guilt, but rather it is meant to support you in making wise decisions, creating and maintaining good habits, and feeling your best as you continue your forward momentum. I can tell you that this is a topic which has come up an awful lot lately given our current circumstances, and I can assure you that the information and advice offered here today is as timeless as it is valuable.
Again, I know things are uncertain out there, and because of that I’m opening up enrollment for my membership community early. Now is the time to be in community with like-minded women, gain support as you navigate these challenging times and be reminded to continue to create goals for right now and the future. Email me to learn more about the membership community at support@kellytravis.net or go to www.kellytravis.net/thrive and submit your email address there. As always, please also let me know what you take away from this episode, and share with me your plan of action based upon what you have learned.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
-
Dealing with the addictive nature of many unhealthy foods
-
Staying hydrated
-
Getting a good balance of fats, proteins, and fiber in your diet
-
Managing stress in your life
-
Emotional eating
-
‘Dare to Thrive’ Membership
Quotes:
“We spend a lot of time and energy resisting cravings and that, kind of, just takes up more space.”
“It’s important for you to acknowledge that you’re not a weak person who lacks willpower.”
“When we are dehydrated we feel hungry because many of the symptoms are similar to hunger…sometimes we confuse the two.”
“We’re just not getting enough of nutrient-dense meals.”
“When we’re stressed, our bodies pull from our energy, and when those reserves dip low, we’re programmed to crave energy to refill it.”
“Emotional eating creates an constant cycle of cravings that won’t end until we tackle the cause.”
Show Links:
Email Kelly: support@kellytravis.net
Free checklist “5 Ways to Positively Manage Your Emotions”: https://kellythealth.lpages.co/5-positive-ways
‘Dare to Thrive’ Membership: https://www.kellytravis.net/thrive
How are you doing? These days, many of us are finding ourselves with time to be alone with our thoughts, and I know that, if there are aspects of our lives which we weren’t addressing before this all began, they can start to rear their ugly heads now. That’s precisely why, today, I’m sharing with you five ways to improve your energy and well-being.
In this episode, we will explore the ways that stress, sleep, exercise, nutrition, and the pursuit of perfection can affect our lives, and look at ways that we can avoid mistakes in these areas, and instead, move forward with each one of them. You will also be invited to respond to questions regarding the action you will choose to improve your energy and well-being, and I am looking forward to receiving your responses. I invite you to think of this episode as a baseline calling us to take a hard look at ourselves and do the work necessary to be our best selves, to participate in our well-being instead of fearing what’s going on in the world these days, and to make the purposeful choice to put our energy where it needs to go. I know you can do this, and I promise to show up whenever you need me to help support you along the way.
Again, I know things are uncertain out there, and because of that I’m opening up enrollment for my membership community early. Now is the time to be in community with like-minded women, gain support as you navigate these challenging times and be reminded to continue to create goals for right now and the future. Email me to learn more about the membership community at support@kellytravis.net or go to www.kellytravis.net/thrive and submit your email address there.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
-
The dangers of stress and some strategies for managing it
-
The importance of getting enough quality sleep and some strategies to achieve it
-
Moving and exercising on a regular basis
-
Taking care of your belly
-
Trying to do everything perfectly
-
Membership makeover and enrollment invitation
Quotes:
“The root cause of most doctors visits is stress.”
“If we’re not getting enough, or our sleep is not good quality, it wreaks havoc on everything.”
“Exercise tends to be one of the first things to go when you get too busy and too overwhelmed.”
“Our stomach definitely guides our overall health.”
“When we try to focus on doing everything perfectly, we just fall into self-doubt real fast, and we don’t act…perfect doesn’t exist…something is better than nothing.”
“You have the power and the choice to choose what you can control and what you can do to improve your energy and your wellbeing.”
Show Links:
Email Kelly: support@kellytravis.net
Free checklist “5 Ways to Positively Manage Your Emotions”: https://kellythealth.lpages.co/5-positive-ways
6 Strategies for Scaling Down Stress in Your Life podcast: http://www.kellytravis.net/blog/20
Sleep Your Way to Healthy High Performance podcast: http://www.kellytravis.net/blog/10
I am so excited to bring you this bonus episode today featuring my conversation regarding power, influence, and leadership with Sarah Osteen, President of Spark Strategy LLC, a leadership consulting practice focused on organization effectiveness consulting, leadership program design and delivery, and executive coaching. As you listen, you will quickly discover that Sarah’s professional strengths include the ability to combine business acumen and organizational development knowledge with strong communication skills, which she employs when working with clients from a range of sectors to deliver high impact leadership development solutions for both individuals and teams.
Our conversation is one that I know you will find highly relevant, no matter your role or career. We look at just how important leadership is, define what power is (and isn’t), explore the vital connection between empathy and influence, and learn how to use and respond to both positive and negative power and influence within our working environment and beyond. Sarah and I also share some valuable advice for showing up and being effective during difficult times, especially the situation we all find ourselves in these days. Whatever your current role in business and in life, this is an episode that I know will speak to you, support you, and encourage you to step up as a leader – something that is necessary now more than ever.
I know things are uncertain out there, and because of that I’m opening up enrollment for my membership community early. Now is the time to be in community with like-minded women, gain support as you navigate these challenging times and be reminded to continue to create goals for right now and the future. Email me to learn more about the membership community at support@kellytravis.net or schedule a call with me www.kellytravis.net/discovery. Please also remember to contact me with your biggest takeaway from this episode, and share the action you plan on implementing regarding it.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
-
The connection between empathy and influence
-
What power is and what it isn’t
-
Negative power and Sarah’s advice for those having to deal with it
-
The importance of being self-aware and ‘comfortable in your own skin’
-
Sarah’s advice regarding showing up and being effective during COVID-19
-
The value of intentionally shifting energy
-
An invitation to enroll in Kelly’s membership
Quotes:
“If you can demonstrate that you understand that person and you want to lift them up, you are in a much better position to partner with them in the future.”
“Leaders…who spend more time listening up front than trying to demonstrate their power and their intelligence have an easier time leading an organization, frankly.”
“Having like a moral compass that you are aware of is really helpful throughout your career and is particularly helpful in times of crisis.”
“Here’s a chance to…demonstrate how much you care about people, and, as a result, increase the levels of trust which will ultimately increase levels of performance.”
Show Links:
Email Kelly: support@kellytravis.net
Free checklist “5 Ways to Positively Manage Your Emotions”: https://kellythealth.lpages.co/5-positive-ways
Resource Sarah mentioned: https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newLDR_56.htm
Sarah’s ‘Swayed’ podcast homepage: https://sparkstrategyllc.com/swayed-podcast/
Today’s episode emphasizes the need for self-compassion particularly during these unprecedented times when it is so easy to slip into bouts of self-judgment. You’ll learn some strategies to help you get better at achieving balance between effort and ease, as well as 3 questions you need to ask yourself first thing in the morning. I also let you in on some examples of how I ensure accountability in my own life, and there’s a special announcement about an exciting membership opportunity for listeners which can provide even further support.
I know things are uncertain out there, but now is NOT the time to give up on yourself and your goals. While we are practicing social distancing, the risk of depression and a lack of motivation is very real. Email me to learn more about the community I have available to you at support@kellytravis.net or schedule a call with me www.kellytravis.net/discovery. Please also remember to contact me with your responses to the questions posed during the podcast, share with me your biggest takeaway from this very important episode, and let me know how I can show up for you even more.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
-
Choosing self compassion over self judgment
-
Reasons why we spend so much time in effort/doing
-
Ways to get better at balancing effort and ease
-
3 questions to ask yourself daily
-
The perils inherent in an ‘all or nothing’ mentality
-
How Kelly ensures accountability
-
Kelly’s membership opportunity for listeners
Quotes:
“Our value and our worthiness is not tied up in ‘doing’.”
“Everyone is kind of being active to avoid feeling.”
“You’ve got to learn to respond to what you need right now.”
“If we don’t shine a light on what is actually going on within us, we can’t do anything about it.”
“All or nothing mentality can be problematic…something is better than nothing.”
Show Links:
Schedule a call with Kelly: www.kellytravis.net/discovery
Join The Goal Getters Club Facebook group - https://www.facebook.com/groups/goalgettersclubkellythealth
Free checklist “5 Ways to Postiively Manage Your Emotions”: https://kellythealth.lpages.co/5-positive-ways
Alisa Vitti’s ‘Flo Living’ homepage: https://www.floliving.com/
It can be far too tempting to allow times of uncertainty derail us on our path to achieving our goals, and the COVID-19 pandemic is obviously no exception to this. My message to you today is to not give in to this temptation, but, instead to stay motivated and continue to pursue your goals so that, when we all come out the other side of this, you will have continued to move forward in achieving them.
As we all shift into this time of the ‘new normal’, we have the choice of either watching our dreams and goals slip away, or of investing in them, keeping the right attitude, focusing on what we can control, and being that ‘little engine that could’. In this episode, we’ll look at the consequences of ‘hiding under a rock’ during a crisis, and the benefits of staying motivated and maintaining a growth mindset throughout. We’ll also explore the value of setting a 90 day goal for yourself, and working towards it by achieving and celebrating smaller behavior goals along the way.
Again, I know things are uncertain out there, but now is NOT the time to give up on yourself and your goals. While we are practicing social distancing, the risk of depression and a lack of motivation is very real. Email me to learn more about the communities I have available to you at support@kellytravis.net or schedule a call with me www.kellytravis.net/discovery, and please remember to share with me your ‘90 Day Goal’.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
-
The importance of staying motivated during times of uncertainty
-
Setting a 90 Day Goal
-
Recognizing potential obstacles to achieving goals and planning for them
-
The differences between a growth mindset and a fixed mindset
-
‘What can I learn from this?’
-
Behavior goals and focusing on what you can control
Quotes:
“We don’t want to give up on moving forward.”
“My hope is that in 90 days we have a lot of this behind us.”
“No matter what your ability is, effort is what ignites that ability and turns it into accomplishment.”
“Mindset truly is the anchor to our success.”
“If we keep pushing forward and getting back up, we will get there.”
“Focus on the process.”
“You have the ability to shift, you just have to do the work.”
“This pandemic is a marathon and so we’ve got to pace ourselves and really focus on each day instead of halfway down the road.”
“Even if we don’t hit the outcome goal, we are so much farther along than we would have if we didn’t do anything.”
“Focus on the behaviors that you can control…celebrate the little wins along the way, and, as a result, stay in that growth mindset.”
“Don’t be shy – reach out to me.”
Show Links:
Join The Goal Getters Club Facebook group - https://www.facebook.com/groups/goalgettersclubkellythealth
Free workshop “5 Ways to Improve your Energy and Health”: https://kelly-travis.mykajabi.com/5-ways
Ascend Mastermind - https://www.kellytravis.net/ascend
As the COVID-19 pandemic continues to evolve, we are all faced with shifts to our lives which we have been forced to make. While fully acknowledging the gravity of this situation, I also feel that we can look at this as a moment in time when we are presented with opportunities to create better habits which will help ensure that we come out the other side of it all better positioned for achieving success in our goals in life.
In an effort to help support you through these difficult times, I have prepared this bonus episode where we’ll look at the importance, now more than ever, of schedules, goals, and recognizing your priorities. My hope is to leave you with some things that you can think about in terms of opportunity, some things that can create good habits that you can take with you once we’ve all moved through this crisis, and, as always, to help you achieve your goals.
While I know things are uncertain out there, now is NOT the time to give up on yourself and your goals. While we are practicing social distancing, the risk of depression and a lack of motivation is very real. Email me to learn more about the communities I have available to you at support@kellytravis.net or schedule a call with me www.kellytravis.net/discovery
The Finer Details of This Episode:
-
We all have an opportunity during this time to create better habits.
-
Why now is the time to prioritize some of the things that will actually put you in a better position to achieve the things you want.
-
Ensure that you maintain a routine, staying as close as possible to your previous day to day routine.
-
How to create habits around scheduling.
-
The importance of establishing and adhering to boundaries between your work day and personal time.
-
Why you should minimize the time you spend watching news and scrolling social media.
-
Think about: what goal do you want to focus on?
-
This crisis is showing us all what really matters in life, so take some time and recognize what your priorities are now.
-
If you want to take part in a movement/exercise challenge, join our Goal Getters Club
Quotes:
“I am not diminishing the importance of what is going on.”
“Schedules create freedom for us, and our kids.”
“Give yourself some time to be good to yourself and to have some space and some quiet and calm, please.”
“Right now…the things that truly matter really shine bright.”
“Action actually happens before inspiration.”
“Do yourself a favor and start to create some of these habits now so that they are with you when all this is behind us.”
Show Links:
Join The Goal Getters Club Facebook group - https://www.facebook.com/groups/goalgettersclubkellythealth
Free workshop “5 Ways to Improve your Energy and Health”: https://kelly-travis.mykajabi.com/5-ways
Ascend Mastermind - https://www.kellytravis.net/ascend
‘Leave Your Unhealthy Relationship with Exercise Behind’ podcast: http://healthyhighperformer.libsyn.com/18-leave-your-unhealthy-relationship-with-exercise-behind
It seems like the entire world has been thrown a curveball in the form of the COVID-19 pandemic. In these uncertain times, with many of you listeners working from home while simultaneously having to look after their kids, it’s important to give yourself a little grace as well as permission to feel your way through all of the emotions that you’re bound to feel. It’s okay to not feel okay. It’s certainly upended things for me as well, which meant that this week’s episode is a selection from the archives of She Doesn’t Settle’s predecessor, Healthy High Performer.
At the time, my son had spent most of the past two weeks sick, which made balancing work and life a trickier process than usual. If I’m being honest, it derailed quite a few of my plans and I had to work hard not to fall into a “victim mentality” where I dwell on everything that’s going wrong or interfering with my usual responsibilities. I find that it’s really helpful to have a mental contingency plan ready for when life throws you a curveball, so I’ve developed six strategies that will keep you on track and centered in these unexpected situations.
I’m still taking applications for the new cohort for my Ascend Mastermind! While I know things are uncertain out there, now is NOT the time to give up on yourself and your goals. While we are practicing social distancing, the risk of depression and a lack of motivation is very real. And while I recognize you are a successful and strong woman, even high achieving ladies like us can start to feel the impact of a lack of face-to-face time and community. Ascend will help you keep your health and wellbeing in check during this stressful time and support you to stay on track by simplifying your goals, giving you tools to manage your mind, and holding you accountable to keep going. Email me to learn more at support@kellytravis.net.
The Finer Details of This Episode:
-
When a crisis does rear its head, don’t dwell on the consequences that may happen weeks or months down the line; think about what you can do right here, right now instead.
-
Focus on finding solutions instead of dwelling on the problem; you can’t prevent the damage once it’s already been done, so instead.
-
Redefine what success means to you in this moment and look for opportunities to grow—for example, now you might have more time to connect with a family member or friend.
-
When do you get sick, or become incapacitated, or find yourself saddled out with unexpected responsibilities, determine your three non-negotiables—i.e. things you have to get done, even if life gets in the way.
-
In these unexpected and vulnerable moments, make a point of helping others; even if a little bit of generosity won’t make your problems go away, it’s rewarding to help others and act constructively.
-
When in doubt, remember it’s okay to ask for support or even just somebody you can vent your problems too; if you would help others in your life when they’re low or desperate, they’ll return the favor.
Quotes:
“We have to have some simple systems in place to be able to navigate when life throws us that curveball.
“I have to do the work to remind myself of all the things that are going well.”
“We forget that just by reaching out to one person, we make a tremendous impact.”
Show Links:
Join The Goal Getters Club Facebook group - https://www.facebook.com/groups/goalgettersclubkellythealth
Free workshop “5 Ways to Improve your Energy and Health”: https://kelly-travis.mykajabi.com/5-ways
Kelly’s email: support@kellytravis.net Ascend Mastermind - https://www.kellytravis.net/ascend
The rise of COVID-19 has emphasized the need for us all to concentrate not only on our physical health, but on our mental health as well. Now, more than ever, the strategies which we use to regulate ourselves and co-regulate with others on a daily basis are critical to our well-being as we move forward as a community to navigate our way through this global event. Knowing full well that this too shall pass, I pledge to you that I will keep showing up throughout it all to educate you, support you, and help you be present to the ones you love.
Today’s episode is actually a workshop I conducted in which I look at just what anxiety is and how it affects our brains and bodies. I also offer some valuable strategies to help you regulate these effects, and provide recommendations for us all to follow in bringing positivity into our thoughts, emotions, and life in general. Essentially, the workshop provides information and tools which can and should be used on a regular basis, and which are particularly effective and necessary during these hard times that we as a global community are currently facing together.
Speaking of community, and it’s importance to our wellbeing and our progress, I’m still taking applications for the new cohort for my Ascend Mastermind, which will begin in April! If you’re an ambitious female entrepreneur or high level professional who wants to stay on track, keep your health and wellbeing in check, and surround yourself with a tight group of women that aren’t letting current circumstances keep them from reaching their goal, this Mastermind is the perfect opportunity for you. You’ll get to work with, be held accountable by, and find support among like-minded women as you ascend. Check out the details here: www.kellytravis.net/ascend
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Anxiety begins with a worry or a thought that is triggered by something.
-
Anytime the brain senses tension in our body, it goes into the mode of protection – it feels like it has to keep us safe.
-
We all experience fear and anxiety in different ways.
-
The goal is to reassure your brain and your body that you are safe.
-
Recognize your own physical symptoms of anxiety.
- 4-count Breathing/Box Breathing is a wonderful tool to help you calm/regulate.
- Tapping to a mantra (ex. ‘Peace begins with me’) can also help you calm/regulate.
- Write down your anxious thoughts, question them (Is this thought useful? Is this thought true?), and then choose a different and better thought.
- Implement a Gratitude Practice, remain active, give hugs or gifts of hugs, and engage in laughter and fun as much as possible.
- Manage your exposure to negative information.
- Make sure you continue to connect and communicate with others.
Quotes:
“This is hard times for everybody.”
“You all already have a lot of overwhelm in your life.”
“We remember the negative news and information more than the positive.”
“We have to retrain our brain, reprogram our brain, to see and look for positivity.”
“This is why some people are buying all the toilet paper, and other people are making fun of everyone buying the toilet paper.”
“I think this is an opportunity for us as a culture in our society to really practice compassion.”
“If we can calm the ‘F’ down, then we can move into dealing with the emotional stuff.”
“Our thoughts cause our feelings.”
“We need to bring positivity into our life.”
“Don’t put things on pause…accomplishing things right now is very, very important.”
“When our emotions are based on facts, they can’t control us.”
“If you need a community of support, please join the Goal Getters Club.”
“Don’t try to do this alone.”
Show Links:
Ascend Mastermind - https://www.kellytravis.net/ascend
The Goal Getters Club Facebook group - https://www.facebook.com/groups/goalgettersclubkellythealth
Ready to take your work a bit deeper? Schedule a call with me to discuss ways we can work together. www.kellytravis.net/discovery
Kelly’s email: support@kellytravis.net
In our society we waste a lot of time and energy trying to fix ourselves. Women are focused on shrinking their bodies, hiding their age and trying to erase any sign of a flaw. All of this is exhausting, and takes us away from what truly matters in life and what we are meant to do — which in my opinion is to make an impact in our families, work, and communities.
In this episode, I lay out five ways you can constructively challenge yourself and shift your perspective on your body for the better. If you take these to heart, you should find yourself wanting to shed shame and guilt rather than shedding pounds. And with that, you’ll be spending your time and energy on things that help you move the needle in your work and your life.
I’ve opened up a new cohort for my Ascend Mastermind, which starts April 1! If you’re an ambitious female entrepreneur or high level professional who is ready to uplevel your health and well-being (mental, emotional, physical) so you can reach your professional and personal goals (and be happy doing it), this Mastermind is the perfect opportunity for you. You’ll get to work with, be held accountable by, and find support among like-minded women as you ascend. Check out the details here: www.kellytravis.net/ascend
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Celebrate your body and pay attention to what you really need, not what strangers say you need.
- Take credit for your beauty instead of deflecting.
- Apologize to your body, namely the parts of yourself you’ve never been particularly proud of.
- Unfollow those on social media who—however unintentionally—leave you feeling ashamed of your body, and follow those who inspire positivity.
- Do the damn thing and take the action you can now rather than waiting for a hypothetical “perfect” time to do it.
Quotes:
“Why not work to get to a place where the norm is accepting our bodies?”
“You can accept yourself for where you're at right now and also work on improving yourself.”
“We’re so focused on maintaining or shrinking that we don’t listen to what we actually need.”
“You have a choice whether or not to expose yourself to the things that trigger you.”
“What are you saying ‘no’ to that you could be saying ‘hell yes’ to today?”
Show Links:
Ascend Mastermind - https://www.kellytravis.net/ascend
The Goal Getters Club Facebook group - https://www.facebook.com/groups/goalgettersclubkellythealth Ready to take your work a bit deeper? Schedule a call with me to discuss ways we can work together. www.kellytravis.net/discovery
Following up on an old listener question, I’m taking time this week to shine a light on what explorer Dan Buettner has referred to as Blue Zones, regions across the globe where people seem to live much longer on average—over a hundred years, in fact! These areas include Sardinia in Italy, Okinawa in Japan and Icaria in Greece. Loma Linda California and the Nicoya Peninsula, Costa Rica. There’s no supernatural reason why people in these zones live so long, rather that they make an array of small but significant lifestyle choices that increase not only their longevity but their quality of life.
These lifestyle choices can be boiled down to the “Power Nine” lessons, which range from adjusting and moderating one’s diet to developing a spiritually and physically close support system. At the core, it’s about having a strong connection, your outlook, how you move, and the way you eat. In this episode, I explore these nine lessons in depth, explore their long-term effects, and explain how you can apply them to your own life.
I’ve opened up a new cohort for my Ascend Mastermind, which starts April 1! If you’re an ambitious female entrepreneur or high level professional who is ready to uplevel your health and well-being (mental, emotional, physical) so you can reach your professional and personal goals (and be happy doing it), this Mastermind is the perfect opportunity for you. You’ll get to work with, be held accountable by, and find support among like-minded women as you ascend. Check out the details here: www.kellytravis.net/ascend
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Regular, low-intensity physical activity that is naturally part of your work and/or lifestyle.
- A diet that emphasizes plant intake over meat, with lots of whole foods, nuts and beans.
- Focusing not so much on feeling full as feeling satisfied when you eat (the “80% rule”).
- Using repeatable routines or rituals that centre us and downshift the stress in our lives.
- Regular alcohol consumption is fine if it’s moderate and social.
- Living a purpose-oriented life that keeps you fulfilled and motivated from day to day increases your chances of longevity.
- A religious or at least spiritual lifestyle can strengthen social bonds and enable healthy living.
- Putting your family first and making the most of the natural support system they provide.
- Surrounding yourself with people who share the same values and beliefs as your own.
Quotes:
“It’s about being intentional about your activity all day long.”
“If your great grandma wouldn’t recognize it, probably not something you would want to eat!”
“It’s not about restricting, it’s about paying attention to your body.”
“You can’t work on quieting the mind if you don’t try.”
Show Links:
Blue Zones - https://www.bluezones.com/
Healthy High Performer, episode 6: Nutrition Isn’t Easy: 3 Steps to Take Beyond Eating Kale - http://healthyhighperformer.libsyn.com/nutrition-isnt-easy-3-steps-to-take-beyond-eating-kale
Ascend Mastermind - https://www.kellytravis.net/ascend
7 Things Your Evening Routine Should Include - https://kellythealth.lpages.co/nightly-routine-guide/
The Goal Getters Club Facebook group - https://www.facebook.com/groups/goalgettersclubkellythealth Ready to take your work a bit deeper? Schedule a call with me to discuss ways we can work together. www.kellytravis.net/discovery
Personal coaching is a booming but also very unregulated industry, which means that it attracts a lot of so-called coaches or mentors who might not be qualified to practice what they preach—and in the process, they can end up doing some real harm. I’m speaking from my own recent and less-than-positive experience participating in someone else’s program where I felt the systems, coaching and community didn’t deliver on what was promised.
So for this episode, I’m providing you with five questions you should ask yourself before committing to working with a coach -whether it’s 1:1 or in a group program or course. In addition, I elaborate on the importance of showing up and explain how a good investment helped improve my relationship with money.
I’m opening up a new cohort for my Ascend Mastermind, which starts April 1! If you’re an ambitious female entrepreneur or high level professional who is ready to uplevel your health and well-being (mental, emotional, physical) so you can reach your professional and personal goals (and be happy doing it), this Mastermind is the perfect opportunity for you. You’ll get to work with, be held accountable by, and find support among like-minded women as you ascend. Check out the details here: www.kellytravis.net/ascend
The Finer Details of This Episode:
- Is this coach/mentor/business a promoter, or are they getting results?
- Is this coach actually qualified in some way to help or lead people?
- Does this coach allow you a safe space to feel vulnerable or uncomfortable?
- Is the coach able to accept being wrong from time to time?
- Why do you want to work with this coach and/or program in particular?
ALSO: check out my private Facebook group —> The Goal Getters Club. This week I’m hosting a free workshop “How to Relieve Anxiety” and you can catch the replay there. Join us here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/goalgettersclubkellythealth
Quotes:
“I really believe that as coaches we have a responsibility to continuously do the work on ourselves.”
“I’m not for everyone, and not everyone is for me.”
“Masterminds are filled with people that are reminding you of how far you’ve come and where you can go.”
“Opportunities will open up when you say ‘yes’ to playing a bigger game.”
Show Links:
Healthy High Performer, episode 12: Level Up Your Community for Health and Success - http://healthyhighperformer.libsyn.com/level-up-your-community-for-health-and-success
Ascend Mastermind - https://www.kellytravis.net/ascend
7 Things Your Evening Routine Should Include - https://kellythealth.lpages.co/nightly-routine-guide/
The Goal Getters Club Facebook group - https://www.facebook.com/groups/goalgettersclubkellythealth
Ready to take your work a bit deeper? Schedule a call with me to discuss ways we can work together. www.kellytravis.net/discovery