Another [fill-in-the-blank] Day: Recent Episodes
Kara Lee Lawson
Crisp, behind and ahead, the exact right place, and obsolete. Allowing yourself to be carried, amplify yourself, pure pure pure you, and we need it. Markers, arm’s length, whole, comparison games, mental gymnastics, and be and feel.
Treadmill adventure, down the hallway, and tackling this myself. Every possible thing out of the way, next step to solve this problem, and attached. Trigonometry, spacial awareness, Tinder, and wondering if words and phrases are real. A whole thing, a giant giant paperweight, and more investigation required. Stubbed toes and fall-ness.
Finishing the Haunting of Hill House. A reminder of art and connection and emotion. Understanding each other and forgetting the things we enjoy. Speaks to us, nail on the head, and the click. On top of the world and remembering the why.
Thoughts on trajectory, expectations versus reality, and an incline. Boring, losing yourself and finding yourself a million times over, and The Plan. Unanticipatable, the character arc is all over the map, and unexpected events. Shattering, acute joy, the drama, and the power we think we should have. A bottle of coke, riding the waves, and some kind of hope. Stapling a life into place, imaginative, and surrender to having a plan and also being flexible. Topsy turvy.
Purple speckled orchid, two pieces of bread, thunderstorms, and puddling. Leaking, perfectly secure, and how many times can I say trial and erroring. Losing focus, not a good story, long enough, and that’s how they getcha. Caption bonus: I’m proud because I made a gif today and also a video of baby jellyfish gave me joy so I encourage you to check that out.
Anxious attention span of a flea, a real toss up, three times, and instantaneous abs. One of my genie wishes, perfect messy buns, momentous “r” rolling, and too much pressure.
Adult size animal bath towel, ice cream in my veins, too loud in my head, and turning the volume down.
Question the doubt, quantifying knowledge, and standardized tests. Wisdom, deeply rooted, try trusting, and mysticism. Valuable creativity, imagination, rain, and more than logic. Wildness, the universe, food coloring, and play more.
Laundry basket, coworker conversation, best of luck to you, and a lack of interest. Some people won’t get it, fan club, and approval. Quantifying success, rollercoaster, ruled by others, and those people are out there. Likes and dislikes and you allot the weight it carries.
TV that absorbed my brain until the early morning hours. Coming to an end, too high of a bar, the choice to leave, and piling up. All or nothing thought trap, consistency, life maintenance, and not to be underrated. Grace, notice, and it can see itself out.
Anonymity, juicy, consequences, and connected to your purpose. So so so many reasons, too complex, glad you started, and drilling deeper. Everything you have, your place in all of this madness, you get to, and you will.
Recreated, already said it, heartburn, and all that jazz. Reinforce, remind, and recognize. Cat snores, superior floor patch, and worse for wear. Holding your sanity together and take note.
Stuffy. Presentable, a million things all wrapped into one, middle of the night moment, and I don’t know why it’s a bean. Hangover of major destabilization, lead in my veins, and raggedy. Procession of events, cue tears, and a workout ish. It’s hard in the middle, construction zone, raw, and cringey.
“Comfortable with Uncertainty” by Pema Chödrön. Resolution, whatever arises, and ambiguity. Staying open, fruition, not good enough, and oriented to the present. Unconditional.
Giggling, creatures, and betrayal. Acknowledgment, the ashes left behind, and shaky at best. Treacherous, how how how, and hollow. Not about fixing, reorienting, north star, and different every time.
Hiding. Weight, shine too bright, won’t match, and autopilot. Pause moments, full extent, call ourselves out, and how I breathe. Belittle, undesirable, and part of the herd. Wired to survive, safety blanket, glimmers, just a little off, and a barrier.
This is part three! Head back to Episode 2:218 > 2:219 > here for it to make more sense. Responsibility. Thrust upon us, chop this all up, based on fear/love, and frickin fitness example. Good enough, work ish, how I feel, and not ours to carry. Out of our control, tasks, sticky to remove, the things that I gain, and stepping towards. You are allowed to grieve.
Notice. A draft, stable and secure, and will it be different. Doesn’t trust me, ashamed, and being brave. Time is passing, annoyed at not making sense, and more of myself on the line. I will get some things wrong, burn that to the ground too, and they got me here. Character arc, grunt, and while I was cleaning my kitchen...(This was part two - Part one is the previous episode, 2:18!)
Unprecedented, frazzled, and at what cost. Rules. Small steps, excuses, working different muscles, and our arsenal. Patience, 100% mine, and three in one. Still don’t know how I feel about it…
Mentally not winning any Olympic gold medals this week. Feeling low and the guilt, the missing out, and the disappointment. It’s hard to make sense, reality check, and not texting them back. Brain is hibernating, knowing better, and the weird and simple joys.
A lot of things happened today. Big cockroach, attractive human, and my being atrocious. Sweatshirt, inspired to participate, and attracting a mate. Attack of the blinds. Yawn. Walgreens disco talk.
Laundry saga continues and perpetuating a smelly cycle. Too lazy for the microphone, “biding,” hydration, and aliens are welcome. Weird dreams after a midnight pee break. Deja vu, I love you, mind in the gutter, and can’t kill hope.
Laundry, phrase of the day, “save” being problematic and also highlighting my insecurity. Not having it together, not wanting to do harm, and not being good enough. A million ways to talk yourself out of it, kind and powerful, and having bad days. Expectation, big perfectionist energy, and having the balls to let it be unpolished. We all have saved ourselves a million times over. No one can know you like you know you. There will always be doubt. Nurturing faith in yourself, expanding, chef’s kiss.
Future, past, and comparison. Not fix it mode, just noticing. Rebuilding awareness, where I spend time in my thoughts, and giving yourself the opportunity.
Classic Friday phenomenon, the file cabinet of my mind. Showing up when you don’t know how. Fabric shaver lesson of the day. Making a mess of things and throwing the layered issues out the figurative and/or literal window. Crop parade, who I am now, and dumplings.
Almost Friday, pretend tomorrow is Saturday. I don’t know. I don’t know. You aren’t required to be an expert on everything. Overwhelmed, overstimulated - zoom in or zoom out. The things that you live for, that you stay for.
Did some crying, cry your freaking eyes out. If only for right now, it’s not about what you should feel. You. Peeling back layers, shadows, and all the noise. Flavors of me that I’ve forged for the world entangled in my idea of myself. Not the purest, not obsessing, and moments not for trying or choosing or anything extra.
Saying grumpy a whole bunch of times. Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result and judging my boringness. There is no one way to be human, to do life. Comparison is the thief of joy, this too is part of your path, take care of yourself. You know your story too well, autopilot, and grace.
Entirely appalled, weehaw. Chirping. Eye doctor, new things, small talk, and lots of scaries. Crawling out of my skin, cross-eyed, blanket troll. Stopping, inventory, and getting specific. Sometimes we feel shitty and it feels shitty to feel shitty. A sliver more comfortable and carrying on.
Refilling my batteries via the beach. White pepper. Start, ready or not, you don’t need to know anything else. Stumble, learn, don’t wait.
Other people’s words, blood donation, and worn out. Mary Oliver’s “Messenger” - “All the ingredients are here.” Affirmations. A passage from Cleo Wade’s “Heart Talk” - “You never know just how many people you may be a lighthouse for.”
Procrastination. The time you spend building yourself up versus tearing yourself down. The negative monologue you know backwards and forwards. Flip the script, even if you don’t believe it yet. Deep breaths.
The cost of smallness, of giving up. What that person feels like. Inching closer, choosing, and staying. I have it on my wall now, mind maze, and feeling satisfied. Day to day life, sameness, and what else it could be like.
Pizza catastrophe. Spider and curtain rod situation. Never-mind. Breakfast for dinner. The clicking of my nightmares. And my face is breaking out as the icing on the cake.
Reminder 1 and 2. Birthright, unconditionally, brave, and putting pieces of yourself aside. Invisible, heart break, good company, and stumbling. Nothing can fix it, wholeness, butterflies, and flying.
Should be momentous. Lonely and task task task task day. Pausing moments, the in-between, lag, and facing life. Overwhelm of what you push aside and task moments being for others versus your time. Oh how I always wish, sigh. Moving forward and falling flat on our faces. Absorbed into doing while being mindful, being ourselves and what the cumulative job days feel like.
A bop to help me do housework. On a high where my dreams and goals feel possible, real, vivid, and inevitable. Generous energy that I’m grateful for and that I’m soaking in. Intuition and buts and pardon me taking a drink. Inspired by Iona Holloway’s Instagram post today! “Doing the work” and the point and healing and being you. The addiction of fixing. Coming home to yourself. Live it up.
Glass shard confusion. File cabinet in need of handles and an ode to either me or a delivery person. You’re not alone in anything that you feel and uncharted territory. Support yourself, I love you, take breaks, reach out, breathe, and do what you gotta do for you.
Indecision. Paralyzed, stuck, confused, and chaos. Choosing, layers, and recognizing the elements of fear. Huge brain monsters, system check, and the sensations of a yes and a no. Wisdom, certainty, freaking out, and which way the compass points.
Trying day, closet closing in, and an unsetting discovery. Creepy crawlies, Dawn dish soap, and surgery day. Bathtime battle scars, ordering dinner, and being on the upswing.
Feeling more, accessing what we’ve pushed aside, and building our capacity to allow emotions. Feeling can suck and we’ll keep hitting the wall, the bumper. Surviving and learning. Recognition for how sticky it can be! In serious need of some synonyms for hard. We practice and wear numb, depleting our life force. Dip a toe, take a sip - you will not drown. Your invitation.
Workin’ overtime, pouting, and the disappointment of things not going exactly as imagined. Life administration and where the fun is. Having blinders, mirrors, feeling alive, and shedding doubt.
Stuck in the how. Planning mode. Behind the scenes laundry basket business. Never feeling ready, the love child of perfectionism and control, and bending to reality. Not starting or taking action and missing out. We need the structure and the flow. The need to know how is also a symptom of my self doubt. Asking questions.
Futile nail polish removing situation. Guiltless menu options and the fury it incites in me. No nutrition facts are worth shaming yourself and what could you do with the time you spend worrying about food. I get it, and my relationship to food is still evolving, and it’s not easy BUT you do not need to feel guilty for any meal. Let yourself eat, let the rules slip, and I love you.
7 minutes, mental picture moments, worth it, and hot as heck. Nacho cheese taquitos and brownies and ice cream. When you’re carrying too much, it’s harder to shift gears and life isn’t a full body experience. Lackluster, darkness, allowing yourself to be supported, and staying here.
Strong medium Friday falling apart towards the end here. Engineering, the weirdness of “naughty,” and kicking over a cat food bowl. Not washing this day off because all motivation has been lost, amped up, pretending to sleep, and a gusty nighttime stranger knocking. Mac and cheese being worth the risk, floopy, and vocabulary lessons.
No one knows you better than you know yourself and no one has the answers. Many voices coming from outside but the one that is most important is yours. When you’re lost, give yourself space to trust that you have what you need to keep going. No decision will ruin it all, there is no route that you can’t recover from. Right, wrong, or whatever, you are finding your way. Heart-song on full blast.
Guiltless gravy thievery, yawning, and the ups and downs of the return trip to North Carolina. Bart the Airbnb cat, a foggy vineyard, and the coffee on the porch that wasn’t in the cards. The cat hair cotton ball trail throughout the house and rowing the figurative boat in tumultuous waters.
Laughing at my last episode for its optimism. Shit show of overwhelm, crying, and ickiness. Heavy, confused, and bleary and there not being a route out, a “fix” for feeling this way. Sleeping it off, not being a robot, and doing what you can.
Cat sniffs take priority. Last night in Michigan, apprehension, and being steadfast in the chaos. Grateful, recognizing when I’m not being me, and something about stained glass. A non-metaphor and a brief song. Inching closer and a couple deep breaths.
With my girl Slinky. A reminder about doing “the work” and feeling back where you started. Big growth continues through “bad” days and anything that helps you get back up is what you cling to when needed.
Round two! You’re pretty much the coolest, Michigan weather appreciation, and a pasta creation. Saying no is okay. Treat yourself however makes sense for you, playing mancala, it’s tough out there, and there’s no one who can give you all the credit you deserve except you. Making the thing, insurance nightmares, and strangers at your party
Missed a day so it’s a double day! Critical part of me versus the lenient, flow part, and big dealness. Coyotes, priorities, repercussions, and stories of unreliability. People pleasing anguish, the still small voice, and shushing. Searching for rules with the promise of a certain result, illusion, and bathing in silence.
Affirmation episode because it’s been a while for me. Reminders, pause, and little hairs in your nose. Sink in here. Capable, releasing, rest, beautiful things, and flow. Purpose, overcoming challenges, precious, and persevering.
As the boy scouts do and a first draft of my brain poetry turned phone note. Kitten recap, feeling is human, and softness. Sensitivity, depth of emotions, and superpowers. Brave face, gifts turned up too loud, and this, this soft heart.
Almost half a year, creation for creation’s sake, and depictions of being an “artist.” Content, curated, sharing, and expression. Art doesn’t need to be overthought. Insecurity, your vision, and the way you see the world. Humans, evolving and adapting, and expression as a conduit of becoming. You can handle anything that comes your way and the radical reminder that you are not a robot.
The tragedy that I cut off the first couple seconds of the episode like the professional that I am. Emotions HELLO. Welcome, allowed, 3 months, routine, permission, and MY podcast. Wept, how dare you, weighing on you, shaken bottle, valid, and what I want to stand for.
Cocoa Krispies - I think you might be able to hear them crackling! Sunday cleaning and trip prep, kittens leaving the nest, and giving your feet the respect they deserve. Ready to take on tomorrow and the cereal mush conundrum.
Prep and errand day, messy room, and being a bookstore. Words from thousands of people’s brains, creative endeavors, a mountain cabin and a goat, and wanting it both ways. Flippity flop.
Not being able to see clearly infuriates me sometimes. I’m in your ears. Talkity talk about presence and a click today that I am chasing. A point of getting “caught up” that doesn’t exist, missing myself, and a 90 mile an hour merry go round. Coming up for air. Softening over scolding.
Irrationally angry at a multitude of things today. My offended cat and her “snack,” pine pellet trip hazards, and stray messy bun hairs playing games. Be kind, frustrating humanness, keep going.
Washing away the anti-calm, where I am in my life, big picture, and using my time on planet Earth wisely. Looking each other in the eyes and admitting that we don’t know what we’re doing, forks in the road, and being here in this moment. Stewing, secrets, ruining my reputation, and burning my life to the ground and starting over. I believe in you, it did happen, and still we choose from here.
Recording from my sweltering closet, vacuum roller spring cleaning, and if you don’t speak, no one will hear you. There are so many people in this world who will love you, you can talk yourself out of anything, and depriving yourself of expression while depriving others of knowing you. Make parts of your day All. About. You. Do a little jig.
Procrastinating, a book calling my name, and the addictive nature of self development sometimes. Wild and soul-filled versus rules, organization, and forcing. The balance between pushing and growing. A book metaphor that falls a little flat, jumping in for lesson after lesson without absorption, and bypassing the scaries. One sock at a time, why is the water cold, tripping over my words for 3 years, and a quick Bo Burnham reference.
Productive evening, bittersweet growing kittens finding forever homes, and watching Alias. A free book, unresolved things rattling around in my brain, and devoting time to what I care about. What I believe in, what I say I believe in, and what I honestly fight for, defend, and protect. No answers required immediately, but it’s worth asking the questions, starting the conversation with yourself.
An add on to yesterday’s episode. Shutting down the emotion, the internal chaos is not necessarily our job. No fixing needed. Allow, accept, and notice. It won’t always make sense but letting yourself feel what you feel is self care, self love, and self trust. Show “shouldn’t” the door and the noble yet shortchanging pursuit of remedy.
Activated by social media and the world, challenged by not understanding and being disappointed in what I see, being uncomfortable is uncomfortable. You won’t fix everything, listening, and feeling itchy. We can’t always change people’s minds and standing firm in our values. Pruning and a compass.
I love love love love love you. Never-ending, honored to say it, being love in every possible way.
A better day, hooray! Evidence, a reminder that trying again today might be worth it no matter how terrible, low, and crummy yesterday was. Not every day is for every thing, getting after it days, and being sweet to yourself whatever kind of day it is.
A run in, our tenants are hereby banished, and a leisurely strolling arachnid. A rough night in my head, drawing cards from the sad pile, and a preposition pile up. Even if tomorrow isn’t better, I’ll still show up to try.
Change your mind, optimization, and the reasons why you do what you do. You are allowed, the grace and gift of focusing on what you feel. What got you here, won’t get you there. It’s not a light switch and it is personal and it’s not very show-off-able. I celebrate your hard work and you get to as well.
Affirmationssssss. Deep breaths, grounding, gratefulness, confidence, permission, and joy. Achieving goals, small improvements, kindness, and attracting abundance. Abundance applies to a lot of things and you deserve them all.
Let yourself off the hook, give yourself time unbound, and the to do list doesn’t exist. You don’t have to do it, putting down the things, and my air conditioner foe. Vacation, procrastinating, plaguing your brain, and BEING. Alien. You deserve a break, only what fills you, and you can’t be an expert at everything. A lemur, the stars, feel, and stop being on call. You’re free and I love you.
Fat finger, skinny finger, ring musical chairs. Permission and approval and all the people we seek it from. One more degree, the “right” mentor, and how they’ll never prove to you what you want absolute answers on. Consider you will never get their approval. Do you choose you or do you choose everyone else’s version of your life?
Charley horse, don’t make promises you don’t plan on keeping, and listening to yourself. Where you spend your time and energy is what you are showing you care about, what you love. Priorities, procrastination, shaping your life, and a quandary of values.
Quietest corner, metal birds, and one of my happy places. Empty theaters, liminality, backpack back pain, and details coming together...or not. Calm in the chaos, sports bras, and people watching.
A Mary Oliver double feature. Something about what we may leave behind, what they may say about how we lived. Something about presence, aliveness, about delight and pausing to be a part of it all.
Remembering safety, practicing security in your own body. Breath is here to support you, finding a grounding position, and recalling a safe place, a safe memory, and imagining what it feels like to be protected and held. What does safe mean to you, feel like for you?
Full-circle, falling into place, and closure. Not getting the apology, better isn’t easier, and being too multi-faceted for logic. Squared away, hinging your happiness, and holding your fullness at arm’s length. It’s back on you, immense strength, and how heavy is your backpack. I get it and I don’t get it. I love you.
A quick sniplet of a podcast, a rainy day, and bleached shoes. The biggest cat tree in the land, traveling jitters, and deep breaths.
Sharing in the stickiness, bummer news, throwing a tantrum, and security. Oof, evolving how you toe the lines, scale, and sugarcoating. A weird painting metaphor, blinders, and zooming out.
Hard time, false starts, non-ruined June, and pressing pause on self-judgement. Circus brain, not so cute stew, and all or nothing thinking times two. Rewriting stories that keep us small, starting over tomorrow, and choosing different in any moment.
I dare you. Say it out loud. Speak your secrets, your shame, your scariest memory. Whisper your biggest dream, verbalize your regrets, your forgiveness, your love. Talk it out with no one listening and get it outside of your brain.
Affirmation episode! Dropping in, checking in, releasing, and softening. Hope, rest, don’t give up.
Chase your dreams and the problematic hunt prompted by that phrase. The hustling conundrum and how working hard might look different than you think. Precious, fluid dreams, off kilter value systems, and nurturing rather than running yourself ragged.
Kindness for the invisible battles, categories of change, and grace for the logistics and administration of being human. Try being endlessly compassionate to your own experience, even more forgiving and loving as you are to your best friend/dog/grandma.
NPR’s “I Wake With Wonder” crowd-sourced poem. This was a powerful read shared with me by a friend that I really wanted to share with you. Check it out, read and reread it, share it. See which parts resonate most for you. The inspiration for poem submissions was “Still I Rise” by Maya Angelou, and they were compiled by poet Kwame Alexander. https://www.npr.org/2021/05/28/1000234056/i-wake-with-wonder-a-crowdsourced-poem-of-pandemic-pain-and-hope
A little bit of my own unpolished, typed word thoughts. Fullness, pangs, no mistakes, a palace, and a whisper.
Quips? Honor the pull. Notice, listen. Be angry if you’re angry. Notice, feel, listen. Judgment free, scream, dance, let if flow.
Here. Interactive. Sensing, shining, softening, expanding, noticing. Rooting, calling in, receiving, opening, surrendering. Turning up the volume, breathing, and being a lighthouse.
Bits of “A User’s Guide to the Brain.” How we taste the world, our constructs and expectations. Past experience, reinforcing neural pathways, and the forrest trail metaphor. A reminder that younger you felt a lot of fear too when learning and growing, and it’s okay for it to be scary as an adult. Exhilaration, the shape of our thoughts, values, and training your brain to try something else. Play, actions, and the brightest, beaming you.
Closet sound, how dare I, reassurance, and my holey compost bin. At home Goo Gone recipe, countertops, and overwhelming organization. Wherever you are, one thing at a time.
Please forgive the sound in this episode...my air conditioning made a hefty appearance in the last couple minutes. Rubbermaid arm work out, eco-bowls, compost bins, and my chronically exhausted drill. You’re magnificent and a mosaic of others in the most beautiful ways.
Stuffed crust, last call tasks, dumplings, and a kitten toy haul. A disappointing bug, dodging phone calls, and my non-fake fiddle leaf fig tree.
An important Scrabble peak. Triple letter score highlight of the week. Shooting for the moon and also drawing attention to the gorgeous human here and now. Worthiness, enjoying desire, absorbing vitality, and seasons. The vast distance and yet it’s already yours.
The weight we get used to, the heaviness we know really well, and saying yes when we want to say no. Patterns, behaviors, and who we are. The scariness of uncertainty, taking the mask off, survival, and honoring who we want to be. The cost of staying here.
What you need, desire, and search for. The roles we play, what we want, and how we get it, how we fill the tank, how we fill our cup. Hoping others will read our minds, sustainability, and giving to ourselves.
The distance between here and there, an additional note on changing, evolving, and shifting beliefs. How is a great question and it’s okay if it feels impossible. Internal universes that are all our own and then art magically brings them to the outside.
Conquering the to do list! Doing the things that we don’t want to do, committing to something, and giving credit for the behavior changes and extra pushes. It’s hard in the middle of the journey. Maybe don’t wait or put it off. Motivation and knowing ourselves, goals, one foot in front of the other, and sometimes it sucks.
You can’t skip ahead or know more than you know. You won’t be the best on day one and...it sucks. (Another good example is learning a language!) Keep going. A note on tears. Build each other up, you will learn, you will find your way.
Depleted, not my best and brightest this evening. Selections from “Heart Talk” by Cleo Wade. Chosen randomly! Leading with love, fuel, and capability. The sound of flipping pages, boxes, be all of the things.
Job anniversary, time, making the most of every day, and leakage. Congruency, seeking advice, internal wisdom, hamster wheeling, and reinforcement.
Towel spider. Shadow and Bone, my current imagination stirring distraction. Remembering that excited, giddy, obsessed feeling. Love but less serious and the English language letting me down.
Kittens, muscle rub, and strewn meat. Documented self criticism, eloquence is overrated, and insecurity. Uncomfortable leaping, creation, and following through. Honesty, perfectionism, and cards on the table.
Thank goodness for family car help! Trailer success. Harping more on reality and highlighting the Long Distance Love Bombs podcast with Rainier Wylde. Possibility and the present moment and illusions and my brain is fried so forgive the many um’s. (The word I cut off is JOY.)
A car tantrum and a waiting game for help. The best laid plans...adapting to reality and lessons on the illusion of control. Lounging and lemonade.
Perfectionism and the ways it gets in your way. Start, fail, fall, blunder, dream, be bad at it, climb, keep going. Fear and comfort zones and more fear and trying anyway.
Another Mary Oliver excerpt from “Devotions.” Sleepy. Pep talk, reminder. You’ve got it, you’re already you. How many syllables can I create in the word brilliant?
This is a weird episode...a little embarrassing honestly. Peppermint feet, milk jugs, battery dying nerves, manicures, and DHL shipping.
Being tender, impacted, and out of control. One foot in front of the other and suffering born out of stubbornness. The impossible and the unexpected. Feeling deeply, mathematical proofs, and permission lowering intensity. Keep going.
Round three of an affirmations episode. Ground yourself and come along with me for some believing in yourself, building up, drawing in, expanding, re-sourcing goodness and see which ones land for you.
Caught up in our own priorities, our own lives, our own thought wheels. Safe place to land, energy shift, and opening. Believing in the good parts, observing other people like they’re your best friend or lover. Surrender the logic, being true, acting technique, and dipping a toe. An experiment, an environment, a glorious arena, and an impact.
This is for you and your shoulds and your jealousy and your feeling of being behind. You don’t have to know but try noticing, taking inventory of your body. Pay attention to your heart always.
From a hilltop in West Virginia. Head on a swivel, bright not romantic, adult souvenirs (I’m kidding but also no judgement), garden salsa chips, and a story adventure podcast and away we go.
Mixed up, can’t count. OOPS. Packing, flawed organization, contact solution, and 9pm at Walmart. Blue versus orange, inspiration, creation, and hitting the road.
Forgetfulness (note to self - take notes). Mary Oliver because I found the most appropriate thing in honor of la luna this week.
Cat catastrophe, sink trauma, and the ongoing case of the missing (and reappearing) fluff. Grandmaster of pretending, the skills of showing emotion, and choosing who you want to be.
My voice is nails on a chalkboard today. Honor and intuition and a lack of metaphors, stories, and wisdom. Take your minutes just for you. Instincts and practice and roadblocks and life.
A little bit of this and that and breathing and softening and accepting and breathing some more. Gamut is spelled with a “u” and this was news to me.
Fluff follow up. Day dreaming of a slower time of life and reading nerdy books about the brain. Life administration, kitten planning, stormy ocean, and resetting. Some really rambly words and whispers that border on regret but pushing through to a bundle of important permission slips. Keep it wild.
New microphone, Anchor, simulations, and a kitten update. Full moon coming soon and random Earth day things. Find your way in to advocate, learn, listen, educate, and fight.
From the bathroom floor as a shower procrastinator. A clothespin influencer and a nose pimple band aid. Achy joints and Apple watches and social media insecurity prompted regret.
Across the veil, goals and marketing and feelings. Micro-decisions and one page, a half cup, or 11:45 bedtime.
A flying twig, a giant pimple, and a coupon. Surprising yourself, surrender, and something about being in the moment. A meow and a whisper of a realization and nothing particularly newsworthy but still kind of vital (as in vitality).
Another week, intention, and using the weekend to its full potential. Play, lightness, and taking a second to focus on what you want to feel more of.
Rough day, shame game, and stories. Using a diet in my example but diet culture still sucks. Don’t listen to it, you’re strong and gorgeous. Ferocious kindness and playing loose with forgiveness.
Bed sheets and sunscreen and hairy leggings. Laundry on the back burner and candy sores and it’s not Friday yet and salt water magic, fingers crossed.
A lot zooming around inside. Break from the to-do list and letting yourself exist, rest. Listen to the part of you that needs a second, give yourself space, sleep.
Vegetable chopping and purchasing a big, heavy item without knowing for sure if it will fit in the car. The date and don’t doubt and good luck to tomorrow’s me and the task ahead.
Fresh and flouncy and blonder. Feline co-host and kitten weigh in. Cutest blanket busy work. Taco night and Criminal Minds and purpose and the week begins. Or does it.
Pilea survival. Monumental day. A near rain check on the market.. A delightful haul and a Joanne’s miscalculation. Shout out to a wounded employee. My thoughts and their rest ruining takeover. Thank you for being here. 100.
Kitten update, fine tuning the cookie dough cooking, and the weather channel. Birth and non-coincidence and not being above looks. Raggedy Ann and markets and what day is it. Good night.
I didn’t even get to type out my caption before kitten #1 arrived...Slinky said she had to come in the house and she really meant it. Towels at the ready. Gotta go.
Temps are rising and I can’t wait to be born again. Pema Chödrön “Comfortable with Uncertainty.” Equanimity according to Google: mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation.
The sun will come up, reseting, and the day to day. Managing it all and moisturizing. Ready does not exist and saying no and not shaming the safety or the step before the dream. Could, will, maybe, someday, or never. Kindness whether you leap or not. I love you.
I’m sun-kissed, sort of. I’m eating cookies after I brushed my teeth and that’s the inside scoop you get if you read the captions. Fail. Mary Oliver - “Daisies.”
PERFECT weather, delicious sandwiches, on-demand cookies, and laundry take two. Tourists and enjoying life and evening plans and happy Easter.
A hope and a prayer and and the couch was a snug fit in the car. Poetry month and cookie dough and hot lava and is this normal. Comparison and kindness and dissatisfaction and barometers.
Ice cream and lasagna and power outages. You learned to judge yourself once upon a time. Pressure and comparison and weight and expectations and reflections and getting back up.
Saving my plants. The most stubborn leaf that just wants to be a mermaid. Something about intention and authenticity and giving and receiving (writing that made me think of Joey from Friends...please tell me someone gets that).
Strangers and imagination or empathy and lives intermingling. Weird facts and tangled hair and optimism but not plastic positivity. Grumpiness and starting over.
My non-stealth vehicle and the squeaks of spring. Chocolate milk and level of thickness. Grilled corn and sighs.
New poetry book friend. Not everything is for you- we’re different and it’s that way on purpose. Chocolate cake or banana bread. Playing around and clicking and expectations and running into walls.
Some Cleo Wade readings. Flipping pages and keys and releasing and forward. Caring and breaking habits and letting yourself off the hook. The universe knows what you need to hear.
On the open road sort of. The calm of being in transit, honey, and my oblivion of the spring greenness. Packing and a scratchy voice and coffee miscommunication. I see you. But really, I do.
Remembering you’re a person, pause, lean in, ebb and flow-lose train of thought in the name of blurriness-how you spend your time. (Have you seen “In Time” with Justin Timberlake? - That’s your homework.)
What I learned about skin today. Poor pronunciation and keeping track of episode number. Full spectrum days. We see the “bad” more easily and playing with the domino effect of our thoughts. Rolling chair madness.
What we experience impacts, changes, shifts us in ways we don’t necessarily have to know or analyze. Being soft and strong and getting stronger. What I learned today featuring the moon. P.S.-This is episode 83 oops.
Untangling and tooth brushing (teeth brushing?) and depleted resources for whitening. Purring and fruit and looking forward to a market. Sink and dream sweet.
Volcanoes and gratefulness and cat growling. Just for you, other people’s business, and affirmations.
Folding laundry (finally). Monk and off brands and anger: stories and expressing and non-violence and awareness and tantrums.
Gross gross cat throw up and morning brain. Self tan and explaining myself. Changing sheets and microphones and heaviness and taking action and one moment at a time.
A bit of writing by Johnnie Elyse about healing and humaness and dust. Self development and going there and repeating myself. Reading out loud in accents to make life more interesting.
Blessed, stressed, and the constant stream of upset, outrage, education, and advocacy. Walgreens and storms and linguistics. A human crane and daylight savings time and camping and rocking out a great Friday.
Business upgrades. I’ve never felt cooler with my dual screens. Crying and small things and big things and eye gazing and loving yourself a tiny slice more.
I know I can do this. Widgets and stickers and essential oils and life lessons extracted from a trivial minty detail of my life.
Clencher. Sweetest, most lovable creatures. Turn the super-love ray on yourself. Overflowing, unconditional. Doing the dishes and intention and self compassion and capacity and little tastes.
A small rubber thing cat feud. Counters off-limits and desk chair construction and dollar store, overstock hybrid. Muffins and manicures and international shipping and luxury. Yeah yeah.
Couch thrifting and forced thought extraction and drain and news and changing your mind. Activated and shame and looking forward to sleep and public school and brain administration.
Quick like a bunny. Grief and longing and missing things you never had and mourning and melancholy and not being alone and feet on the ground.
Log ins and Anchor and tax season and coffee runs. Cat calling and miniatures and hazelnut and sunshine. Back aches and rage.
The words of @dakotaadan. Poetry and meaning and existence and rules and reverence and play and spaciousness.
Affirmations and yearly subscriptions on accident. Dead tires and forgetting and mini spirals and Spectrum trickery and maple trees and Rose. Isolation and baseball teams.
All the joy I cannot feel. Uncomfortable and shoulds and metaphors about trying on clothes and cardboard boxes. Prescription and phone calls and therapy and an ambitious lunch hour.
Moving around and long day but a good day with a free donut that I forgot to mention. Organization and rearranging and pauses and ums and self conscious and warm and fuzzy and seasons and perfectionism and things in their places.
Sorry to the Kathy’s. Furniture and two piece sets and driving around for world stimulation. Gratefulness and three weirdos and room evolution and furniture accumulation.
Late night and last minutes of Friday. Toothpaste and House and cat meows and bathroom floor sitting.
Projects and worms and expression and funnels and rice and subpar metaphors. Instagram and phone notes and practice and moss balls.
I’m a mess and my stress-induced shameful act of the day disclosed. Itchy. Imagination. Acceptance and judgement and cruelty and ammunition and standing tall.
Every part is welcome. Surrender, accept, expose, take a walk through every bit of who you are. A pep talk, an appreciation, an expression of big, flowing love.
Numbers are hard. Thought recreates whole body reaction. Joy and wonder and freedom and triggers and jealousy and reflection. Maybe a quote about the thief of joy. Marketing and thriving off of insecurities. Opening and no one key to healing. (Charging high prices for services is not inherently evil - want to clarify!!)
Wrapped up and packed up tent and all. Rubber boots and coffee and grayness and fire starter and a new book. Character flaws and ocean time and grocery shopping and unpacking and wind down reading instead of watching.
Very little cellular service. Cornsnake named Charlie. Tagalong smores. Rain rain rain. Simpleness.
Middle of the day because camping adventure starts at the stroke of 6. Melancholy or nostalgia or angst or none of the above. Versions of life and leaving and packing and decisions and no take backs.
Short and snappy. Decisions. Aching and knotted up. Nail maintenance and prayer and fingers crossed.
Not every moment has to a vulnerable one. Rest, kindness, and saving the comfort zone demolition for a different day. Beliefs and feeling like a bad person and negativity and I love you.
Warm, window open days. Emails and PO boxes and headaches. Doshas and waking up and habit interruption and freedom.
Walking and an art fair and clay. Grocery shopping and a car picnic and finding yourself and choices.
Sleeping in and boundaries and Modern Family. Tea and white pepper and did I mention the beach was cold. Blood donation and Twilight and humans. Mason jars and lids and penguins and pinecones.
Don’t give up on it yet. Trust. Risk. Hi excuses. Hey doubt. Reaching. Dreaming. Don’t give up on it yet.
A little hopeless, clueless, misplaced, and run down. Days like this. No band aid or solution or lesson. Just a what’s up to the darker moments.
The sun after the storm. Weird thing that makes me think and wonder and consider the impossible. Grateful. When it feels good to be alive and you know the other side of that coin. Resilience and falling and honor and no one having the power to tear you down unless you give it to them.
The glory of a half day. Defeated by the french press. Email organization and a sigh of relief. Letting go and a love for folders. Toothpaste management as a personality trait. Laundry and vacuuming and puzzling and pre-inspection anticipation. 50% more.
Taking notes. Messiness protection. Super nose. Off brand. Crazy comfortable bargains I can’t resist. For printing purposes and long lost ink. Ice cream saga. Half day.
This is not motivation station. The many forms of clothing mountain. Many blessings to customer service people far and wide. Enchiladas for dinner. Here and now.
poemsporn_ because midnight is an inch away and it’s too late to come up with my own words.
Having skin and organ roll call. Physical body parallels between acting, being human, and mental health. Habits and reminders. Sustainability. Stuttering. Worthy and deserving of rest always.
Roulette of the brain and its symphony. Blue light and ploys and novelty. Drama queen eyeballs. Consumerism makes me happy sometimes. Skincare and stickers and samples oh my.
I want to win. Anti-humble. What you get out of being the best. Internal condescension. Unnecessary clicking.
Cat water feature. Night silence and feline boycotting. You should get a prize and there are no take backs. One time cat bagging. Heck yeah. The most important person.
Lack of genius. Bounding cat. Cookie preference and chronic delivery restrictions. Breaths. Capable. Customer service and a TV scene idea.
“From Now On.” Nothing day. Anxiety not marked absent today. Making a new path versus strolling the one that’s well worn. Tripping and having grace. Getting to. Define figuratively.
Brain on the fritz. Worse for wear. End of the week. Tomorrow is another day. Missing things and putting big feelings to the side. Incoherence and clarity.
Pat yourself on the back. Literally and figuratively why not. Be kind to you. Pausing. Sobreity. Jeremy Goldberg and Traver Boehm for reference because I can’t think in the moment. Too tight. Hard and easy. For you.
An offering and an ask. Crisis Hotline. Holding each other up. Running nearly had me dead today. Gotta start somewhere. Obedience as the undertone to adolescence and perceived goodness. Expectations outside versus who you are inside and the war that ensues.
Categories of foolishness. Making choices. Hands trembling. Starting where you are and maybe not knowing even when you want to see the plan, the path so badly.
Up in my brain. Inspiration falls flat. No fruit. Cooking and coziness. Days of the week and how they matter. Bonkers.
Reassuring myself about a mug purchase. Home improvement. Opening up. Being a bad actor. Big Uglies (shoutout to @courtneymcnabbco for this term). Survival. Connection. Fullness.
I’m out of breath because I’m laying on my stomach. Fighting for or against. Decision making from love or fear. Rules. Choosing. Sweating.
Don’t. Building self trust. The first thought in your head in the morning. Anticipation. Relationship with you. Yes or no. Have your own back.
Another Mary Oliver poem. Something about nature and zooming out and perspective and the world of a cricket or tree. Growing and small shifts being big changes and noticing the sky and dreaming of adventures. Lighten up.
I said short and yet almost 7 minutes. I guess I’m a chatterbox now. Feel your feelings. Avril Lavigne. You are not your thoughts. My brain train is speeding along without me. Look around.
Folded laundry. Cat purrs in a closet. Courage and lines in the sand. Comfort zone and sense of self. Trying and falling and growing.
A sundayish Sunday. Deck box construction. The deal of the year. Sunnies. Hair curl cream showing promise. Busy week ahead.
Green dust. Stress response, brain trickery, and being in the moment. Beach appreciation. Noticing. Choosing somewhere nice to go in your mind if you’ve got to go. Hair product. Never know what I’m going to end up remembering to say or go on a tangent about.
Sweet and short. A Jennifer Lawrence interview from the depths of my mind. Work yourself to death or glow baby glow.
Pepper to hand to potentially my entire face. Knowing for certain your life isn’t what you want it to be. Risky, scary but not a monster or death. Handmade snowflake mug the grand prize of the day. Green stuff. Three breaths.
Tired today. Cock-blocking my voice. Excuses excuses. Remembering that vulnerable creativity is my heart song. We like being good at things. Your soul might want to do the things you’re bad at more. Subjective. Say the thing-bigger, louder.
Not exactly a high note day ending. The grain of rice that tips the scale sort of thing. Reveal. I was planning on talking about my nail polish color “Jetsetter” but ended up crying a little instead. Sharing is caring.
Half day with the sunshine. People don’t have pencils apparently. Felt hearts. Hot beverages taken to another level. Let’s pretend together. Pretentious but I don’t stink. Gas station freezers.
Sunday funday #17. Must have pringles. Yard work. Orange flowers and berries. Bake off obsessed. Pre-youtuber for life. Cats cats cats. Prairie living.
Working on a Saturday. Guilt and guilt and a box and a backpack. Intrusive thoughts. No Meijer in the south. Pierogi notes.
Pistachio coffee. 12 hour work day. Three day weekend except with only one day off off. Boggle champions where are you. Thank you mom. Big Bang Theory is my lullaby. Hope we all sleep well.
Weary. Walking home from work. The to do list and the pause. It’s okay to not know who you are. Something about tragedy and not having to earn your keep and not being alone and singing your song a little louder.
This poem feels like surrender to me. Almost lispy Kara. Wild Geese by Mary Oliver. Yoga in St Marks. Kind of sounds like I’m crinkling a candy wrapper through this episode so that adds a special zest.
Basically a brief info session of the apps, people, companies, etc that I have used, continue to use, or think have merit for supporting mental/emotional/physical health. Can’t recommend Youper enough. Period tracker. Breathwork. Meditation. Reminders to get up or look away. Miscellaneous including a good one for panic attacks. Hit me up if I mentioned something but was mumbling.
Middle of the day podcasting because my brain started to spout some guilt trip I’m a failure nonsense. Common to feel overworked and overwhelmed. Story stays the same regardless of circumstance red flag. Monica Church thinks she’s annoying sometimes and I think that about myself too so obviously I’m on my way.
Sort of prepared for the week. Grocery shopping with some leisurely Targeting. New planner. Frixion throwback pens. Untrustworthy studfinder. I bought men’s slippers and sewed a K on one which I didn’t say so this is a bonus feature. Two breaths.
Watched Wonder Woman tonight (no spoilers and I mean it). John Mayer song. Thoughts on “life isn’t fair.” All the things we can’t control and don’t really want. Choose you.
Oil pulling. Early bedtime. Overwhelm. You don’t know something until you learn it. Insert possibly insensitive color blind comment here. Be kind to yourself and give yourself the gift of doing something that feels good. Keep going.
One week of a podcast a day. This turns into sort of meditation so. Soft glow. Safe and held and steady and evaporating worry and fear. My dryer is shaking the house. The layers of the Earth. Fact might not be fact. The study of language or words or something.
Brain buoyancy. More on failing-ish. Growth because the guilt is on low volume. New jobs and being the above and beyond person (moral is cut yourself some slack-yeah you). Hugillow pillows. Poor Sardine and her maybe not okayness.
Am I the only one who has been trying to die by cough drop? Poetry is like a firefly. Failing at things is normal, especially when starting something new. Thanks to the two of you out there. Two breaths. Tomorrow is a new day.
Sardine the cat. What if I want to be a spy. A furious Monday. A mountain cabin with a goat. Do what feels good. Full stop. Here’s your permission slip. I’m talking nonsense, but I refuse to re-record so cheers to half-baked thoughts.
The game here is to take a shot every time I say whatever, poignant, or pause for an excruciatingly long time. Yoda is the ultimate life coach. Tik Tok offers the strangers in my life that I miss. Believing in limits makes the limits the limits. Say that five times fast.
It might be the year of the impossible. Are tow truck drivers more likely to be extroverts? Will I run a marathon this year or attract 10,000 Instagram followers? A million possibilities and I’m jumping in plan or no plan.
Starting the year strong with bad audio and being a bit wrong...Technically this is episode 5 but in post production I decided new year, new season baby. So here’s season 2, episode 1: a rambling reminder that we’re all facing things we don’t know how to handle.
What you look for in your life, YOU WILL FIND. Look for the good stuff. Listen to me say “chaotic” too many times in the first minute and also use “super” a bunch at the end. It’s been a while. I missed you. You’re killing it.
If you don't like to breathe, skip the first minute. A note about the relationship between emotions and power and the sound of me flipping a page because I forget what I want to say sometimes. Be nice to yourself for goodness sakes.
If you don't want to hear my personal anecdote about a water cooler and betraying Alexa, skip the first half. A little challenge for you, a reminder that you are unique for a reason, you should breathe and take some "you" time, and also that the stuff that hurts has a lot to show you. (I do say the f-word in here once so...beware.)
A wee introduction to what the heck this podcast is and what my voice sounds like and also a little reminder that you’re exceptional, gratefulness is cool, and mornings have some sway over the day you have.