Survival Is Insufficient Podcast: Recent Episodes
Robin Fern Breast Cancer Recovery Life Coach
The podcast dedicated to the mental and emotional healing after breast cancer treatments have ended. How to get out of survival mode and into a fully lived life. Because Survival is Insufficient
I've had people tell me this, and I've heard other breast cancer survivors say it. And I feel like no good can come from this phrase. In this episode, I break down the 3 different ways I find this phrase used and also how it tends to backfire in our lives.
I think breast cancer survivors use positive and happy interchangeably and it's doing them a disservice. In this episode I dig into the differences I see between them, and why I think its so important to be clear.
In the post-holiday slump, some people are feeling ungrateful for gifts they don't like. The same sometimes happens for women around gifts they receive from well-meaning friends and family when they are diagnosed with breast cancer. In this episode I talk about feeling around receiving - and giving - gifts.
As we stare down a new year, many of us are looking to set resolutions, or goals or intentions. And some of those will revolve around what you consume - or don't consume. In this episode I talk about one of the common pitfalls we often fall into when we are looking to change what we consume.
It’s a fine line between self-protection and self-sabotage. In this episode I share the signs you are slipping into self-sabotage, and why it happens in the first place.
Going through an event like breast cancer, with so much unknown, its easy to slip into a place of relying on your treatment team to keep you informed. But this is handing over responsibility for your experience. In this episode I talk about being fiercely responsible for your life and your experience.
After a life changing event like cancer, it's natural to focus on things you don't want in your life. You may start to plan for the worst, because then you'll feel less disappointment if it happens. But beyond this being a less enjoyable way to go through life, it also sets yourself up for your negative thoughts to become self-fulfilling prophecies. In this episode I talk about your RAS and how you need to be careful about how you think so your RAS is working for you, not against you.
Most of us feel uncomfortable around the idea of uncertainty - especially after going through breast cancer. But did you know that you can feel uncomfortable around certainty also? In this episode I talk a bit about how this might be true, why it might happen, and how to not let it stop you.
There are a lot of sneaky sub-conscious beliefs that women have after breast cancer, and many of them can create that feeling of being stuck. Finding those beliefs is the first step, but what do you do once you find it? This episode gives you the visual guide that helps me when I am in the process of shifting a belief.
In this episode I interview Survival is Insufficient member Leesa. She shares about her breast cancer experience during COVID and the resulting emotions she is working through now in the post-treatment phase with the help of the Survival is Insufficient program. She also shares about how her inner mean girl shows up and her resistance to listening to her and how she may be using anger as a cover emotion.
The difference is huge between living life or just surviving it after breast cancer treatments end. So many women get stuck in surviving life after treatments ends. This is completely normal. But it doesn't have to be the way you go through life. In this episode I dive into the differences and signs that you might be stuck in survival mode.
I see a lot of us humans using our best days to set the bar for our everyday. In this episode I talk about why this often backfires and why going for average is a more helpful way to go through life. I look at it through the lens of being post-treatment and using your life before breast cancer as a comparison point - and why that could be setting you up for misery. And I look at it through the lens of day-to-day life and goal setting.
A lot of women want to make healthy changes in their lives after breast cancer treatments end, and I fully support this. However, I see a few mistakes consistently being made that lead to these women giving up and feeling even worse about themselves. In this episode I talk about the mistakes I see and the ways to increase your chances of making lasting changes.
In this episode I interview Kim, an OG member of the Survival is Insufficient program. She talks about what her biggest take aways from this program were. We also talk about her biggest struggle was actually something she was struggling with before she was diagnosed with breast cancer. This fact is true for over 50% of the women I work with.
Listen in to hear Kim's story of struggle to empowerment.
Are people in your circle talking about your breasts the way they talk about the weather? In this episode I talk about what you can do about it and also what might be going on with the other person.
Some women who receive an early-stage diagnosis struggle with accepting the title of breast cancer survivor. They feel like they didn't "earn" it. In this episode I talk about why this thought can be so harmful and unhelpful in the post-treatment phase.
When I hear a woman say "I miss me" after breast cancer treatments end, I know two things about her. She doesn't like her life now. And the "me" she misses is still there. In this episode I dive deeper into this thought and the results it creates.
In this episode, Dr. Amy Dore shares her breast cancer story - and it is quite a story! She offers up hope for women who are struggling with anxiety after treatments. And she shares some of her favorite tools that she gained during our time working together.
You can experience the same support and guidance that Amy did when you join the Survival is Insufficient program. Go to coachrobinfern.com/survival for all the information and to join.
In this quick episode, I talk about the badge of honor many women who have gone through breast cancer feel they have earned. But sometimes that badge can block the work we need to do to be able to move forward more easily. For a more in-depth analysis of this concept, be sure to check out episode 84 - I Am Not a Breast Cancer Survivor.
In this episode, I tell a little story about how I believe there is a little bit of magic in the world. This is really about how what I teach is what I do. And the work this month on post-traumatic growth could not have come at a better time.
While many women struggle with thinking about the future after breast cancer because they are overcome with anxiety, others are in a rush to get to the future. In this episode I talk about how this mindset can be both helpful and unhelpful in your life.
Perusing the breast cancer support Facebook groups, I have found a huge number of posts from women saying they are trying to stay positive. In so many cases I wonder what possible benefit they would find from trying to stay positive when they are in a very difficult time. When it seems what they really need is some compassionate allowance of the negativity. Listen in for more.
This may be an unpopular opinion, but I don't like using the term breast cancer survivor to describe myself. In this episode I walk you through the thought process I went through that brought me to this realization and what term I have shifted to instead.
I interview my client Jana about her experience after breast cancer treatments ended. Jana is a successful business woman who had always been able to bounce back from adversity. But breast cancer was different. She struggled with thinking about the future. She struggled with her emotions.
She shares which tools have helped her most in her recovery journey, and the things she hears in her mind in my voice that keep her moving forward.
Some women struggle with feeling happy after they get done with breast cancer treatments. There can be multiple reasons for this, but one I think shows up for most women is happiness inequality. In this episode I dive into what this is, how it presents, how it lowers your experience of happiness, and some ways to combat it.
Join the Survival is Insufficient: Breast Cancer Recovery Program in the month of August to get the tools and tactics I use to create an enjoyable, intentional day-to-day life while also keeping my big goals and dreams in the works. Use coupon code TRYIT to get the first 30 days for $1. coachrobinfern.com/survival
Women often struggle with the idea of accepting the fact that a cancer recurrence is a possibility. They push back on it because they think that accepting this idea means that they will be resigned. But this isn't true. Listen in to understand the difference.
And to watch the story of The Three Brothers, click here.
In this episode we talk about the cancer experience when you don't have a spouse, significant other, children or parents as the foundation of your support network and the surprising places that support can come from.
In this first-ever interview episode, I speak with Kathleen Brazie. The conversation was so good, we had to make it 2 episodes. In this first episode we talk about her philosophy of working with her body rather than fighting cancer, being an empowered partner on your treatment team, and the idea of taking on a new form or identity after treatments end.
Kathleen is the founder of Purple Boots Creative with the mission of empowering change through advocacy and movement.
Here's how you can connect with her:
- purplebootscreative.com
- Facebook - /PurpleBootsCreative
Going back to work after breast cancer can cause worries of overwhelm. In this episode I talk about what one of the Survival is Insufficient: Breast Cancer Recovery members did to prepare herself after we coached on this topic in a live Q&A call.
Women often tell me that they just wish they knew what their future held. Will the cancer come back? When? Will it be metastatic? But a very difficult situation I'm going through right now is showing me that knowing ahead of time comes with its own burden. One I'm not sure is worth the benefits.
In this impromptu, unscripted episode, I talk about a series of events that left me feeling a lot of negative emotions, and then how I worked through them. This is a real life example of how I use the work I teach breast cancer survivors in situations beyond breast cancer.
Sex generally requires us to have minimal stress to be able to enjoy it. And most of us are aware of our acute stresses. But in this episode I talk about a more deeply rooted cause of a more chronic stress that I believe many women may struggle with after breast cancer - trust of their own bodies.
Often times our self-perception bumps up against reality. This is true whether you had breast cancer or not. But it's extra when you have had cancer. Self perception often has a lag behind reality. Cancer changes things so fast that self perception often just can't keep up. Listen in to understand more about this idea and how it might be present in your life.
Do you feel like you body was misbehaving when you were diagnosed with cancer? In this episode I dive into this type of thought process, and a shift that can help you move forward with more trust and respect for your body.
The Japanese art of Kintsugi can be a powerful metaphor for healing your relationship with your body after breast cancer. Whether you choose a more literal interpretation or a symbolic interpretation, accepting your body is an important step in the healing process after cancer treatments end.
I believe most women go through an identity crisis after breast cancer. In this episode I talk about why that is and the concept I think can help move you forward - AND instead of BUT.
Feeling our negative emotions is hard enough. But then we pile on a whole bunch of beliefs and judgements about ourselves for feeling those negative emotions - making it an even worse experience. Listen in to learn more about the impact of our beliefs about our emotions.
There are certain skills that are necessary to build emotional health after breast cancer. In this episode I outline the most important ones.
Building emotional health after breast cancer is such an important part of building our overall health. This episode clears up some misconceptions about emotional health, what it really is, and why it is so important.
Most of hold some strong negative emotions after breast cancer. But those emotions are telling us something. When we can tune into that, we can use those emotions to fuel change in our life. If we try to ignore them, they can keep us stuck in our life.
We all have painful self beliefs. Some come about directly because of having had breast cancer. But many more are just acquired over the course of our lives. These beliefs create an unconscious vibe that holds us back in life. Listen in to learn more and how to start to re-write some of these painful beliefs.
Uncertainty of the future after breast cancer causes a lot of women to freeze. The problem is they are focused on what will happen to them in the future, and not on what they truly have control over. In this episode I help shift the focus to the one thing you can control.
Because a lot of the work I do with breast cancer survivors revolves around anxiety, I often get asked my opinion on anti-anxiety medications. In this episode I share my thoughts and opinions about them.
After nearly a year of breast cancer treatments, anxiety becomes a well practiced and familiar emotion for many women. And sometimes it becomes a security blanket emotion. Most of us don't want to feel anxiety any more than we have to, so we have to figure out how to break the cycle.
After breast cancer a lot of women suffer from anxiety. Anxiety is a feeling, and it is creating suffering ahead of time, and often for no real reason. It's a fortune teller that can only see tragedy and suffering in your future. Listen in to learn more about anxiety after breast cancer.
After breast cancer, it's not uncommon for women to feel lonely even when they are in a relationship. In this episode I reveal what is going on, and some ways to move forward.
Some women face rejection from friends and family after breast cancer. This is so hard. Why would they do that?
But perhaps worse is when women reject themselves.
In this episode we dive into why we face rejection, how we deal with rejection, and tools for moving forward after being rejected.
Do you feel like you are being selfish after breast cancer? Join the club. But in this episode we dive into whether you are really being selfish, and how this emotion holds you back from being the person and living the life that you really want.
Better relationships help create a better life. And conversations are a huge part of our relationships. After breast cancer, there are often a lot of hard conversations to have. So many things have changed and things need to be brought back in alignment. Listen in for my tips on having a hard but productive conversation.
Women often come to me with a list of things they want to change in their life after breast cancer. What we often discover is that they have either been trying to 1) make changes from a weak position or 2) change things outside of their control. They are trying so hard, but the reality is a shift in their perspective can make things so much easier. In this episode we explore some of these scenarios, and how to actually create lasting change with greater ease.
"I don't know" is one of the most dis-empowering things I hear breast cancer survivors say. But it's more than just staying stuck in the fear and confusion of that statement. There is another layer to it. What do we actually know at all? Are we attaching so much to a facade?
There are many reasons why we struggle after breast cancer treatments end. In this episode I dive into one of the reasons - the ability to shift your identity from being a cancer patient to being a cancer survivor. It doesn't seem like it should be a hard transition to make. But there are several reasons why it's true, and lots of evidence in so many other areas in life.
A lot of women talk about having decision fatigue after they get done with breast cancer treatments. In this episode, I talk about what is really causing the fatigue (hint: it's not the decisions!) and what the solution is.
If this episode resonates, be sure to check out the Survival is Insufficient Breast Cancer Recovery Program at coachrobinfern.com/survival
In this listener requested episode, I dive into how to manage some of the thoughts and emotions when you are diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. This is a tough situation, and there's no way escaping some tough subjects. But avoiding the tough subjects doesn't make them go away.
The Superwoman self defeating belief is probably the most common that I see in the women that I work with. This belief system has so many layers to it, that it's a tough one to unravel. But I do my best to help you see it and work through it in this episode.
In this episode we are talking about another self defeating belief - emotional resistance. This belief has us thinking that our emotions, mainly our negative emotions, will push people away. This causes us to hold them in, in an attempt to protect others from our negative emotions. Listen in on why this isn't necessarily the best way to connect with others, and how to start to shift this belief.
I'm sharing a super personal story about something scary that happened this weekend. And then how I processed through the emotion of fear around that event.
Self-defeating beliefs are deep rooted beliefs that hold us back without us even really being aware of them. There are lots of self-defeating beliefs. We all have some combination of them. Finding them and understanding them helps release their power over our lives.
In this episode we explore the self-defeating belief of magical thinking. This is a root belief of anxiety, so it’s an important one to recognize if you want to start to alleviate your anxiety after breast cancer.
As we roll into winter, it seems it will be even harder to see friends and family. But that doesn't mean we can't feel connected to them. In this episode I talk about where connection comes from and how to shift your relationship with this concept.
Why do we sometimes feel scared when things are going good? In this episode I break down some of the reasons why, show examples of it in action, and then some tools to help stop it.
The pandemic has added an extra layer to the breast cancer journey. In this episode I talk about some tools that can help you get through both your cancer treatments and the pandemic.
Last week we met your inner mean girl. Now let's figure out how to settle her down and even get her to transition to helping you, instead of criticizing you.
We all have her - that inner mean girl that creates feelings of shame, inadequacy, hopelessness, and judgment. Learn about the different types of mean girl, and which one might be the leader of the pack in your mind. Then learn what the mean girl is actually trying to do. Spoiler Alert - she doesn't actually mean to be such a bully! This is a two-part podcast. Tune in next week for techniques to quiet the inner mean girl.
September 11 marked the 6 year anniversary of my cancer diagnosis. This has been a heavy day for me for the past 5 years. This year was different. Listen in to hear why.
A quote from Kylie Minogue got me fired up this week. Where she thinks that women feel more themselves and more inspired to do all the things after cancer, I feel most women experience the polar opposite. I think it's normal to struggle after treatments end because our brains are on high alert after having just faced a very real threat to our lives.
But normal doesn't mean that it's the only way to be. Listen in to learn ways to start to shift out of the struggle and towards a more positive outlook.
Breast Cancer Survivors often use the term "Cancer - the gift that keeps giving". I don't think this phrase is helpful. Listen in to learn why, and alternatives to this unhelpful phrase.
While we would like to think that our medical staff will always make the best decisions for our specific situation, the reality is that we are each the only person responsible for our own health. Listen in for the reasons and benefits of advocating for yourself.
Sometimes we experience frustration with the medical staff we interact with during our breast cancer journey. Listen in for how to shift those interactions to a more positive experience.
We often think about the placebo effect in terms of medical studies. But the placebo effect is happening everyday in your life. Listen in to understand more about it and how it influences your life.
We know we resist negative emotions, but what about positive emotions? It's true. Sometimes we resist them too. Listen in to understand why, and how to allow these positive emotions back into your life.
The things I've accomplished after breast cancer are not because I'm a super human or have special skills. I simply learned something that struck a chord, and I committed to the work. You can do this too.
What does it look like to step out of living life like an amateur and moving into professionally living life?
Many women ask me the difference between coaching and therapy, and which would be best for them. In this episode, I discuss the differences and how they can work beautifully together.
People often say "give it time" or "time will make it better". Time alone will not make things better. There is another piece of the equation that must be included to make time work for you.
People pleasing is a tactic our brain uses for survival. When we people please, our brain thinks we are more likely to remain part of our family or tribe. But people pleasing dilutes who you really are. You aren't showing up as your authentic self. In this episode I talk about my journey over the last year and 2 big breakthroughs that showed me that the habit of people pleasing can be broken.
1 year of the podcast! In this episode I reflect on growth, vicious cycles and future potential.
Some decisions are so easy. Others are so hard - we go back and forth, weighing pros and cons and still don't have a decision. But what is the root reason for this decision paralysis? I dive into in this episode.
You are through breast cancer treatments and you are ready to start exercising. But how do you start? How do you do it safely? And how do you actually get off the couch and stick with it? Listen on to learn how!
What are the results of having a life plan? They can be pretty amazing. Tune in to hear a couple of stories of the results that came after life plans were created.
Why would you need the Design Your Post-Cancer Life Workshop? What does a life plan do for you? I'll share what it means to me in this bonus episode.
We all know that we should exercise. And that is especially true for breast cancer survivors. Exercising has been shown to reduce the chances of recurrence. But it's just so hard to get started! Why is that? In this episode I explain a big part of the why. And what it takes to be able to stay committed to exercising regularly.
Anxiety is an inevitable part of our lives because it's a normal human emotion. This is especially true after breast cancer. But when it starts to overtake your life, it's time to bring it down a few notches. In this episode I offer some tools that can help do just that.
Anxiety is a normal part of being human. But it can get out of control. Many women experience overwhelming anxiety after breast cancer treatments end. This episode focuses on the causes of anxiety after cancer. Tune in next episode for tools to help alleviate anxiety.
Self-criticism can be such a pervasive issue that bleeds into all areas of your life. This episode gives you one of the most effective tools to combat self-criticism.
After breast cancer treatments end, many women endure a lot of self-criticism. Not catching the cancer early enough, not being stronger, taking too long to heal, not being however they think they should be.
In this episode we explore what self-criticism is and why we experience it, especially after treatments end. In the next episode I will teach the best tool to quiet self-criticism.
In the last episode we learned what emotions are. In this episode learn the difference between allowing and reacting to your emotions, and tools to process them.
This months mini-training is on the emotions after breast cancer. There are so many emotions that come up after breast cancer treatments have ended. But what are they, and what purpose do they serve? We dive into that in this episode.
In this episode I share about how my lack of consistent written thought work during my recent trip to China turned out. Spoiler alert - not terrible but certainly could have been better. My cockiness and confidence in my ability to manage my thoughts internally only did not work well. Listen to learn the value of this lesson, and about an exciting new project I'm working on.
So why do some of us struggle with survivors guilt? Well, let’s start with the thoughts that create that feeling of guilt. Then decide if the emotion we are feeling is really guilt or something else. And if it's something else, what is it and is it something you want or not? If it is, what deeper thought is causing the guilt?
Facing reconstruction can bring about so many thoughts and feelings. And most of them, unfortunately aren’t positive.
Do your research, understand your options, understand the risks . . . AND THEN MAKE A DECISION. You need to consider everything and be comfortable with the decision you make. No matter which procedures you are a candidate for, there are pros and cons, plus risk factors. But spinning in indecision isn’t helpful either. It’s a fine line between doing the necessary research and overdoing it and just delaying making a decision. Don’t end up in paralysis by analysis.
Resources:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/
breastcancer.org
Thought Management is really about thought practicing. You have to practice the new thought. Sometimes you have to build up to a new thought. It’s just like learning any new skill.
This next step is where you go after you’ve created self awareness and you recognize areas you may want to make adjustments to. Areas where you aren’t feeling or acting the way you want or getting the results you want in your life. This is where the Reframe comes in.
I call this step the Reframe, because it is making adjustments to your existing framework. You are going to reframe your thoughts to create the chain reaction that moves you in the direction you want to go.
Outcomes are the actions you take and the results you get from your thoughts and emotions. In this episode we dive into why changing our results is hard.
Our thoughts are what create our interpretation of life. Our emotions are created by our thoughts. We dive in to the next step of the STORM Method to get a better understanding of this.
I thought it would help to do a series that digs a little deeper into the different parts of the STORM method. I’m going to start at the beginning and talk about the idea that Situations and Subjects are neutral. This concept is so hard to grasp at first. I had a lot of resistance to the idea. I couldn’t accept that certain things in life aren’t either positive or negative. Cancer is bad, mmkay?
The STORM method is the process I use and that I coach my clients to use to keep their anxiety in check. This episode dives into how to use it.
Download the workbook at www.coachrobinfern.com/storm-method