Justice-Centered Parenting: Recent Episodes
Rachel Alva
This podcast is for parents and caregivers who want to orient ourselves toward a future where everyone can flourish. And to do that, we are learning to recognize and resist the ways Dominance Culture shows up in our lives and homes. Here you'll find conversations and practices that support us in our journey. I'm Rachel Alva. I’m a parent myself, a former elementary teacher, and a justice-centered parenting coach. Over the last 17 years, I've worked closely with over a thousand kids to learn how to lead in ways that meaningfully share power, so that we can prepare our kids for the kind of future they deserve. Our homes will never be perfect, but they can be mini-havens where we and our kids learn that justice is possible and worth pursuing.
I'm back for part 3 with DEI consultant Steve Disselhorst. As a gay man who always dreamed of becoming a dad, Steve had the opportunity to redefine fatherhood and masculinity beyond hetero-normative scripts.
In this episode, Steve and I discuss:
- why co-liberation (h/t Tawana Petty) from patriarchy helps men, too
- the high costs patriarchy extracts from men
- why queer folks can experience freedom or heightened gender expectations
- what Steve has gained by not following the heterosexual script for fatherhood
- Steve's experience of nearly losing his child
- Steve's path to becoming a man and parent who bucks the social script for men and emotions
- how making peace with his non-dominant identity as a gay man allowed Steve to pursue co-liberation in his dominant identities
Listen in and join the conversation.
I'm back for part 2 with DEI consultant Steve Disselhorst. As a gay man who always dreamed of becoming a dad, Steve had the opportunity, along with his husband, to re-imagine how their parenting partnership could look.
In this short episode, I ask Steve:
- What do you think of as your most important roles in your kids' lives right now?
- Would your partner have the same or a different answer?
- Does it make sense for parents in partnerships to specialize? Or should they generally see themselves as having the same role?
Listen in and join the conversation.
We want to build families where every individual can flourish. But despite our best intentions, it's challenging to share the domestic load equitably within our parenting partnerships. Patriarchal, hetero-normative gender roles can deeply impact our lives without our consent.
As a gay man who always dreamed of becoming a dad, Steve Disselhorst had the opportunity, along with his husband, to re-imagine how a family structure could look. In this 3-part series, I ask Steve to share some of his experiences and perspectives. In this episode, Steve and I discuss:
- how Steve and his husband have approached the intense domestic workload that comes with raising kids
- how hetero-normative work cultures push families into traditional gender roles
- how the caregiver penalty at work hurts dads
- what to do when the primary caretaker knows things that other parent doesn't
- how our upbringings shape the roles we take in our parenting partnerships
- how to make invisible labor visible
- what to do when one partner has more domestic skills, but you want to share the load
Co-liberation is exactly what it sounds like:
getting free, together.
A co-liberatory lens (h/t Tawana Petty) invites us to recognize how we are all harmed by the policies and cultural patterns that target people in marginalized bodies, so we can fight like hell to all get free.The concept of co-liberation has powerful implications for all aspects of our lives, but nowhere is it more relevant than in the intensive work of raising kids. We want our kids' experiences to be humane, and we want our family lives to be humane and joyful for us, too.
In this foundational episode, I talk about:
- how and why every single oppressive system that is intended to elevate certain bodies over others also harms the intended beneficiaries
- how to interrupt hierarchies of human dignity
- where to uncover solutions that are humane for everyone in situations where resources (including rest!) are scarce
- what to do when scarcity is internalized
- what we can do when scarcity is actively reinforced by outside forces
Visit the shownotes to find Tawana Petty's original graphic, other helpful visuals, and a blog post version of these ideas.
Insights? Questions? Email me at rachel@justicecentered.com
How does your commitment to justice inform how you raise your kids? This was the question I asked DEI coach & consultant Erica Courdae this week. We also talked about:
- Erica's experience of being a Black parent and DEI consultant in 2020
- Why it's so critical to prioritize your own humanity over productivity
- Avoiding burnout in justice and care work
- The conversations Erica WISHES we were having more
Find out more about Erica and her work here or at the shownotes page for this episode.
We want our kids to honor their own and others' boundaries, but our culture doesn't exactly model this skill.
This week, I am joined by DEI coach & consultant and mother Erica Courdae to talk about what it means to "take up space"—at home and in the world in a way that also respects others' space.
We also discuss:
- How to avoid defaulting to harmful hierarchies
- The helpful kinds of hierarchies within families
- Navigating personal autonomy + the collective good
- How to use "the 5 whys" to make better decisions
Find out more about Erica and her work here or at the shownotes page for this episode.
Learn the three keys to cracking the code on kids' uncooperative or resistant behaviors— without having to rely on coercion or burning yourself out. Get more details or sign up for Autonomous Kids, Peaceful Familiesat justicecentered.com
Justice-centered parenting practices are humane for both adults AND kids. One-liners are an easy-to-remember statement we can use to respond to and redirect kids on a regular basis. The reduce decision fatigue for adults and create predictability for kids that helps them make cognitive connections. One-liners can become an inner voice that helps kids learn to problem-solve on their own.
I'm going to share some examples of one-liners that I find to be useful and respectful, and I'm going to talk some of the pitfalls: why they don't always work as hoped and how we can troubleshoot when they don't.
For shownotes, visit https://justicecentered.com/resources/one-liners
Sign up for my FREE WORKSHOP: Autonomous Kids, Peaceful Families
How can we help our kids develop peaceful relationships with their bodies and appearances in a hostile culture that overemphasizes conformity? How can we join in our children's joyful self-expression without perpetuating problematic beauty norms?
In this episode, Angela and I share some strategies for validating the feelings children bring to their self-expression. We also talk about what it means to DO beauty vs. BE beautiful, and why the distinction matters for identity development. You'll leave with some scripts and considerations that will help you respond to your child next time they ask, "Am I beautiful?"
We want an equitable future where everyone can flourish. Beauty standards, though, have been used as a weapon against women, especially women with non-dominant identities.
In this episode, Angela shares more about the modern history of beauty standards in the US so we can resist the problematic ways they continue to impact in our lives and culture.
Beauty standards are problematic.
They are rooted in oppressive systems like misogyny, racism, and transphobia. As a result, our clothing and beauty choices are often fraught.
On the other hand, our daily decisions present a powerful opportunity to show up as ourselves. Many kids pick up on this instinctively.
In this series, writer, speaker, mother, and make-up artist Angela Morris and I talk about how we can help our kids develop empowering, joyful relationships to beauty as a form of self-expression.
Listen in to hear how we can cultivate beauty freedom in ourselves and our children.
We want a world characterized by equity, consent, sustainability, sovereignty, connection, love, and justice. We're dreaming of and trying to orient every day toward a world that is humane for everyone—our children, our communities, ourselves.
Unfortunately, the defaults have been set by White Supremacy, Misogyny, Colonialism, Capitalism, and all their iterations. Dominance is the default.
In this episode, I wrestle with my own complicity in upholding exclusion—on this very podcast—and share the way I'm thinking about my role in interrupting entrenched patterns.
We didn't set the defaults. But we CAN interrupt them as we see them and shape new defaults, in our own lives and homes.
What if "everything that's been used against you can reveal your sources of power"? (h/t Kelly Diels)
In this episode, I share a part of my personal history that has been used against me—having grown up in a chaotic and abusive environment.
The truth is that this is not my shame to carry.
It's actually deeply informative to my work.
I want justice-centered parents and caregivers to also reframe things that have been used against them—these are lenses we can use to orient ourselves toward justice.
Our values are reflected even in our most routine interactions, like feeding kids. The way we present food and talk about bodies has the potential to help our kids develop peaceful relationships to food, even if we are still developing our own self-trust.
Listen to hear us discuss:
• what normal appetite variation looks like in kids
• how to avoid sparking a food rebellion
• what to say if your kid asks if they're fat
• how conversations about food and bodies are an entry point to combatting bias
Alissa Rumsey, MS, RD, CDN, CSCS is a registered dietitian, nutrition therapist, certified intuitive eating counselor, and the author of Unapologetic Eating: Make Peace With Food and Transform Your Life. Alissa is passionate about advocating for women to reclaim the space to eat and live unapologetically. She is the founder of Alissa Rumsey Nutrition and Wellness, a weight-inclusive nutrition practice that offers virtual counseling and online programs to help people liberate themselves from dieting, cultivate a peaceful relationship to food and their bodies, and live a more authentic, connected life. Her expertise has been featured in hundreds of media outlets and she speaks regularly at events, online trainings, and conferences around the country. She calls New York City home and spends her free time exploring the city’s food scene and searching for patches of green space to sunbathe in.
Find relevant links and shownotes at justicecentered.com/resources
How do we develop trust in ourselves when we've been taught that we can't even believe our instincts around food? Spoiler alert: diet culture and liberation are incompatible.
In this episode, Alissa shares:
• How food rules and restriction create a cycle of undermining self-trust
• The evolutionary reason humans get fixated on food
• Steps you can take to retrain your brain around food
• What to do if your kids are fixated on certain foods
• How the benefits of changing one's relationship with food expand into other aspects of life
Alissa Rumsey, MS, RD, CDN, CSCS is a registered dietitian, nutrition therapist, certified intuitive eating counselor, and the author of Unapologetic Eating: Make Peace With Food and Transform Your Life. Alissa is passionate about advocating for women to reclaim the space to eat and live unapologetically. She is the founder of Alissa Rumsey Nutrition and Wellness, a weight-inclusive nutrition practice that offers virtual counseling and online programs to help people liberate themselves from dieting, cultivate a peaceful relationship to food and their bodies, and live a more authentic, connected life. Her expertise has been featured in hundreds of media outlets and she speaks regularly at events, online trainings, and conferences around the country. She calls New York City home and spends her free time exploring the city’s food scene and searching for patches of green space to sunbathe in.
Find Unapologetic Eating: Make Peace With Food and Transform Your Life at your local bookstore or https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Unapologetic-Eating/
What does our relationship to food have to do with social justice? A lot, actually, even for those of us with plenty of access to resources.
Listen in to hear:
• how diet culture connects with other hierarchical systems of oppression
• how parents can resist passing on body mistrust at the table so kids grow up with a peaceful relationship to food
• the problem with making "health" the new definition of goodness
—so we can build a world where each human life and body is truly valued.
Alissa Rumsey, MS, RD, CDN, CSCS is a registered dietitian, nutrition therapist, certified intuitive eating counselor, and the author of Unapologetic Eating: Make Peace With Food and Transform Your Life. Alissa is passionate about advocating for women to reclaim the space to eat and live unapologetically. She is the founder of Alissa Rumsey Nutrition and Wellness, a weight-inclusive nutrition practice that offers virtual counseling and online programs to help people liberate themselves from dieting, cultivate a peaceful relationship to food and their bodies, and live a more authentic, connected life. Her expertise has been featured in hundreds of media outlets and she speaks regularly at events, online trainings, and conferences around the country. She calls New York City home and spends her free time exploring the city’s food scene and searching for patches of green space to sunbathe in.
Every relationship has unsolvable problems—fundamental incompatibilities based on our unique ways of being in the world. The Gottmans call these "perpetual problems." In this episode, I'm expanding this idea to our relationships with our children.
Perpetual problems are just a natural part of life, but they're complicated by restrictive cultural messages.
We can interrupt and dissolve the shame that can result from our incompatibilities with our children.
This episode will help you create humane expectations for everyone, at home and beyond.
https://justicecentered.com/
We crave strong, mutually caring connections with our kids. We know they want the same kinds of connections with us.
The cultural default is pressure to always give more time, more energy, more resources. (This is particularly true for caregivers with marginalized identities.) This pressure pits our kids' need for connection against our other responsibilities, including the need for a break.
It doesn't have to be this way. We don't have to default to expectations that harm us. We can define our own expectations instead.
This episode will help you and your child(ren) feel closer and more connected, without requiring you to increase your parenting workload. Less shame, more joy and connection.
Mentioned:
+ Down Girl: the Logic of Misogyny by Kate Manne
+ Emily Nagoski on Medium
An antidote to cultural appropriation is being filled up on your family’s own lineage and traditions. When we have all we need, we don’t have to feel compelled to take from others.
With the pandemic raging, holidays are looking a bit different this year. It’s a chance for a reset.
In this episode, Trevia shares how we can make the most of this unique time, so we can emerge from 2020 with an even more beautiful awareness of or intentionality behind our seasonal traditions.
Trevia Woods is a mixed race indigenous woman with nearly two decades of experience in bodywork, education, and community building. The last two decades she has founded a body work practice that spans from fertility to beyond birth, She is a primary teacher specializing in English language acquisition while teaching in the USA, China, and Saudi Arabia. Currently, she is using her experience to help women remember their power and build powerful healing practices without culturally or spiritually appropriating. By centering community, she helps self-identifying women feel rooted, curious, and connected. She believes that our best classroom is each other.
Subscribe now to stay updated on future episodes.
Show notes and relevant links at justicecentered.com/episode/trevia
Cultural competency is a critical skill for kids growing up in a multicultural society.
Virtual learning presents families with unique opportunities to share kids’ learning experiences.
On today’s episode, Trevia and I talk about how we teach kids to appreciate, not appropriate cultures other than our own. We’ll talk about:
- what to do if we discover that our home practices may be problematic
- how to approach kids’ natural curiosity about others’ holidays
- designing deeper learning experiences that get at the core of traditions
- getting rooted in our own cultural lineages...
...so we, our kids, and cultures can thrive.
Trevia Woods is a mixed race indigenous woman with nearly two decades of experience in bodywork, education, and community building. The last two decades she has founded a body work practice that spans from fertility to beyond birth, She is a primary teacher specializing in English language acquisition while teaching in the USA, China, and Saudi Arabia. Currently, she is using her experience to help women remember their power and build powerful healing practices without culturally or spiritually appropriating. By centering community, she helps self-identifying women feel rooted, curious, and connected. She believes that our best classroom is each other.
Subscribe now to stay updated on future episodes.
Show notes and relevant links at: justicecentered.com/episode/trevia
“How can we have good boundaries when we are taught to transgress other people's boundaries?” Trevia Woods’ post caught my attention. We want our kids to be able to set respectful boundaries for themselves and honor other peoples’ boundaries. Cultural and spiritual appropriation stems from a long history of theft that disrespects boundaries. To build a more just and humane future, we can disrupt this pattern, starting at home.
Trevia Woods is a mixed race indigenous woman with nearly two decades of experience in bodywork, education, and community building. The last two decades she has founded a body work practice that spans from fertility to beyond birth, She is a primary teacher specializing in English language acquisition while teaching in the USA, China, and Saudi Arabia. Currently, she is using her experience to help women remember their power and build powerful healing practices without culturally or spiritually appropriating. By centering community, she helps self-identifying women feel rooted, curious, and connected. She believes that our best classroom is each other.
Subscribe now to stay updated on future episodes.
Show notes and relevant links at: justicecentered.com/episode/trevia
Have you ever dreaded spending time with your kids? And then on top of that, felt guilty for even having these taboo feelings? Humane expectations are a hallmark of justice-centered parenting. Expectations should be humane for kids AND their adult caregivers. Oppressive systems feed on convincing us—and especially people with marginalized identities—that our own experiences are WRONG, keeping us ashamed and disconnected from our humanity. Interrupting the cultural pattern of negating feelings is one tiny but essential way we can build a more humane future for everyone. Subscribe now to stay updated on future episodes. Show notes and relevant links at justicecentered.com/episode
We want to build justice-centered homes, but what does that really mean? This episode is going to make some of the possible outcomes more concrete with an inventory you can reflect on. A couple CRITICAL notes: + Some statements might need to be adapted for your circumstances, depending on the age of your child(ren) and the resources available to you. Some obstacles are systemic and require systemic solutions. + No shame. Perfectionism is a hallmark of oppressive systems, meant to keep us down. This list seeks to make the kind of future I’m envisioning a little more visible to lift us up and inspire us. + You might not even agree with some of my ideas, or you might have your own to add. Your own criteria are welcome—and I’d love to see some of your own modifications to my inventory draft. Feel free to email me at rachel@justicecentered.com Subscribe now to stay updated on future episodes. Show notes and relevant links at justicecentered.com/episode/55 Fall Feeding Workshop Series info
We’re committed to building to a more just future for everyone. We want to flourish within our homes AND we want to contribute to social movements. These things can seem like they’re at odds, but I think they’re actually compatible. Justice Louis Brandeis used the concept “laboratories of democracy” to name how states’ small size make them an ideal place to test progressive policies. This is how I see our families. What our homes lack in scale, we make up in sovereignty. We can co-create ideas and policies that lead to mutual flourishing. This completely fits with Adrienne Marie Brown’s ideas about emergent strategy—at the micro-level, we can set the pattern for the entire design. Micro is mighty. Subscribe now to stay updated on future episodes. Show notes, relevant links, and full transcript at https://justicecentered.com/episode Fall Feeding Workshop Series Info
As justice-centered parents, we want to build a future where everyone can flourish. Capitalism, Patriarchy, and White Supremacy Culture constantly undermine our efforts, making us feel like our contributions are insignificant. They view caregiving work as insignificant. They’ve conspired to internalize the message that we have no right to claim a justice-centered identity. In this episode, I borrow a lesson from nature, a la Dr. Robin Wall Kimmerer. On our land, our contribution to the future health of the forest is not in tending to the tall trees directly, but in clearing brush and tending the seedlings. Sometimes the ways we are best situated to contribute to a more just future are not the most glamorous or visible, but they are still significant. Let’s recognize the power in our unique role as caregivers. We can build a flourishing future. Right where we are. Subscribe now to stay updated on future episodes. Show notes, relevant links, and full transcript at www.justicecentered.com/episode/53
In this episode (part 3 of 3), feminist financial consultant, mom, and host of The OutSpoken Girlfriend podcast Naomi Clark tackles a common question: How can we avoid raising spoiled kids? In standard fashion, Naomi completely flips the question on it’s head to reveal hidden assumptions and systems at play. Naomi works primarily with adult women to help undo the harmful effects of being socialized within oppressive systems. Since Naomi is also raising 3 kids, it made me wonder, what does she do at home to set her kids up differently? How can parents help their kids to avoid some of these traps to begin with? Subscribe now to stay updated on future episodes. Show notes, relevant links, and full transcript at www.justicecentered.com
In this episode (part 2 of 3), Naomi tackles a common family experience—shopping with kids—in a way that respects both kids’ desires and parents’ boundaries. Feminist financial consultant, mom, and host of The OutSpoken Girlfriend podcast Naomi Clark shares how parents can help kids develop healthy relationships with money. Naomi works primarily with adult women to help undo the harmful effects of being socialized within oppressive systems. Since Naomi is also raising 3 kids, it made me wonder, what does she do at home to set her kids up differently? How can parents help their kids to avoid some of these financial traps to begin with? Subscribe now to stay updated on future episodes. Show notes, relevant links, and full transcript at www.justicecentered.com/episode/50
Feminist financial consultant, mom, and host of The OutSpoken Girlfriend podcast Naomi Clark shares how parents can help kids develop healthy relationships with money. Naomi works primarily with adult women to help undo the harmful effects of being socialized within oppressive systems. Since Naomi is also raising 3 kids, it made me wonder, what does she do at home to set her kids up differently? How can parents help their kids to avoid some of these financial traps to begin with? Subscribe now to stay updated on future episodes. Show notes, relevant links, and full transcript at justicecentered.com/episode
Effective next week, the podcast will have a new name (and new show art) to better reflect the vision—Justice-Centered Parenting.
Here I share more about how this name came about and what it means.
(The podcast is officially on summer break. I'm sharing about how I'm integrating my learning.)
How do we take into account other perspectives that seem to contradict our own experiences? The ancient parable from India informs how I view the nature of oppression--so my work can more effectively contribute toward dismantling harmful systems and defaults.
The podcast is officially on summer break. This is my opportunity to integrate my learning.
Here's a really honest, insider look at how I'm using Kelly Diels' metaphor of "The Wall" to make sense of my roles and responsibilities in social justice movements.
TL;DR:
+ I'm embracing the value of my experiences and expertise. We can each bring our best contributions.
+ I'm committed to continually learning about the nature of oppression from folx with experiences and expertise that I do not have.
These last few months have been a time of intensive caregiving and learning.
Between now and the end of August, the podcast is on summer break. I'll still pop in now and then to share some behind-the-scenes reflections on what I've been thinking about and how it's impacting my work.
Songs can be powerful teaching tools to help kids learn to recognize and regulate their feelings. Educator and composer Nancy Kopman shares some specific ways parents and educators can deeply connect with kids through music. BONUS SONG: “Wonderful You” Nancy has been creating, testing, developing, recording and performing her short, catchy, educational songs for children 0-10 for over 20 years. Her music can be found on TV, radio and online. She performs regularly in Toronto, Ontario, and does virtual video visits with her faraway fans. Nancy’s work is celebrated worldwide by educators, therapists, family program directors, parents and caregivers. Her music is used in schools, daycares, Montessori environments, libraries, camps, internet radio and other children’s environments. https://www.strategieswithkids.com/ https://nancykopman.com/ Subscribe now to stay updated on future episodes. Show notes at strategieswithkids.com
Music can be a powerful strategy for helping kids build creativity. Educator and composer Nancy Kopman shares some specific ways parents can help kids recognize and adapt patterns in music. Watch Nancy’s video for The Animals on YouTube. Nancy has been creating, testing, developing, recording and performing her short, catchy, educational songs for children 0-10 for over 20 years. Her music can be found on TV, radio and online. She performs regularly in Toronto, Ontario, and does virtual video visits with her faraway fans. Nancy’s work is celebrated worldwide by educators, therapists, family program directors, parents and caregivers. Her music is used in schools, daycares, Montessori environments, libraries, camps, internet radio and other children’s environments. https://www.strategieswithkids.com/ https://nancykopman.com/ Subscribe now to stay updated on future episodes. Show notes, relevant links, and full transcript at strategieswithkids.com
Music can be a powerful strategy for helping kids learn how to manage different parts of the day with less friction. Educator and composer Nancy Kopman shares how parents can incorporate songs to bring more peace to daily life. Nancy has been creating, testing, developing, recording and performing her short, catchy, educational songs for children 0-10 for over 20 years. Her music can be found on TV, radio and online. She performs regularly in Toronto, Ontario, and does virtual video visits with her faraway fans. Nancy’s work is celebrated worldwide by educators, therapists, family program directors, parents and caregivers. Her music is used in schools, daycares, Montessori environments, libraries, camps, internet radio and other children’s environments. https://www.strategieswithkids.com/ https://nancykopman.com/ Subscribe now to stay updated on future episodes. Show notes, relevant links, and full transcript at strategieswithkids.com
Michelle shares some of her favorite storytelling exercises that we can use to connect with our kids and help them develop their creativity. https://www.strategieswithkids.com/ https://michelleauerbach.com/ Subscribe now to stay updated on future episodes. Show notes, relevant links, and full transcript at strategieswithkids.com
Storytelling is a powerful way to support kids’ social-emotional development, even in a time of social distancing. Listen to hear how this works and ways we can deepen kids’ learning. https://www.strategieswithkids.com/ https://michelleauerbach.com/ Subscribe now to stay updated on future episodes. Show notes, relevant links, and full transcript at strategieswithkids.com
“Story is a radical act of possibility in times of crisis. We can build a world that serves more of us better, we can create care, we can teach and learn, and we can rebuild our lives and communities through story.” Author, educator, and parent Michelle Auerbach shares how parents can use storytelling to help with learning, young developing brains, attachment, responses to trauma, and all the stuff parents homeschooling right about now might want to know. https://www.strategieswithkids.com/ https://michelleauerbach.com/ Subscribe now to stay updated on future episodes. Show notes, relevant links, and full transcript at strategieswithkids.com
How can we as parents make a more just culture though the way raise our sons? Feminist writer, marketing consultant, and mother of 5 Kelly Diels shares powerful ideas for parents. Find Kelly at https://www.kellydiels.com/ https://www.strategieswithkids.com/ Subscribe now to stay updated on future episodes. Show notes, relevant links, and full transcript at strategieswithkids.com
How can we as parents make a more just culture though the way raise our daughters? Feminist writer, marketing consultant, and mother of 5 Kelly Diels shares powerful ideas for parents. https://www.strategieswithkids.com/ Subscribe now to stay updated on future episodes. Show notes, relevant links, and full transcript at strategieswithkids.com
Feminist writer, marketing consultant, and mother of 5 Kelly Diels helps womxn grow their power and dissolve their shame so they can rise and thrive in every facet of their lives and our culture. In this episode, she shares how parents can shape a more just culture through our parenting. https://www.strategieswithkids.com/ Subscribe now to stay updated on future episodes. Show notes, relevant links, and full transcript at strategieswithkids.com
Sara shares some practical ways we can spend more time in our Zone of Genius as parents so we can experience more exhilaration and less drudgery in our daily lives. https://www.strategieswithkids.com/ Subscribe now to stay updated on future episodes. Show notes, relevant links, and full transcript at strategieswithkids.com
Trying to be and do everything for your kids is a recipe for caregiver burnout. Sara Dean shows us how we can apply Gay Hendricks’ powerful concept to our lives as parents so that we can spend more of our time with our kids doing the things that bring us joy and energy and less time feeling guilty about the things that drain us. https://www.strategieswithkids.com/episode/39 Subscribe now to stay updated on future episodes. Show notes, relevant links, and full transcript at strategieswithkids.com
Trying to be and do everything for your kids is a recipe for caregiver burnout. Sara Dean shows us how we can apply Gaye Hendricks’ powerful concept to our lives as parents, so that we can spend more of our time with our kids doing the things that bring us joy and energy and less time feeling guilty about the things that drain us. https://www.strategieswithkids.com/episode/38 Subscribe now to stay updated on future episodes. Show notes, relevant links, and full transcript at strategieswithkids.com
The biggest threat to most of our kids right now is not extra screen time or a lapse in academics—it's parental burnout.
This mini episode is for you if you're feeling weary from the strain of weeks of constant care-giving.
Sign up for FREE weekly Office Hours or subscribe to Weekly Nourishment for tactical support at strategieswithkids.com
This episode is a must-hear for parents and teachers who want to nurture kids’ intrinsic enjoyment of math despite all the pressures that come with math in school. Dan shares what to do if your kid is behind, plus how we can help all kids to develop the kind of playful thinking that leads to great mathematical discoveries.
https://www.strategieswithkids.com/episode/18 Subscribe now to stay updated on future episodes. Show notes, relevant links, and full transcript at strategieswithkids.com
Dan shares why the best math experiences for young kids look nothing like school math, and makes a compelling argument for playing with your kids in ways that are fun for YOU as a parent. Listen to hear lots of concrete examples of what meaningful math play can look like in early childhood.
https://www.strategieswithkids.com/episode/17 Subscribe now to stay updated on future episodes. Show notes, relevant links, and full transcript at strategieswithkids.com
Families all over are experimenting with crisis schooling from home. In this series, Dan Finkel shares foundational truths about how kids best learn math and provides some strategies for parents to avoid the most common pitfalls so that kids can grow up to be passionately curious learners.
https://www.strategieswithkids.com/episode/16 Subscribe now to stay updated on future episodes. Show notes, relevant links, and full transcript at strategieswithkids.com
Talking to your kids about sex can be really uncomfortable and most of us dread the idea of having “THE TALK.” It doesn’t have to be this way! In this series, sexual health educator Amy Lang tells parents what we need to know to help our kids grow up healthy and safe. https://www.strategieswithkids.com/episode/36 Subscribe now to stay updated on future episodes. Show notes, relevant links, and full transcript at strategieswithkids.com
Talking to your kids about sex can be really uncomfortable and most of us dread the idea of having “THE TALK.” It doesn’t have to be this way! In this series, sexual health educator Amy Lang tells parents what we need to know to help our kids grow up healthy and safe. https://www.strategieswithkids.com/episode/35 Subscribe now to stay updated on future episodes. Show notes, relevant links, and full transcript at strategieswithkids.com
Talking to your kids about sex can be really uncomfortable and most of us dread the idea of having “THE TALK.” It doesn’t have to be this way! In this series, sexual health educator Amy Lang tells parents what we need to know to help our kids grow up healthy and safe.
https://www.strategieswithkids.com/episode/34 Subscribe now to stay updated on future episodes. Show notes, relevant links, and full transcript at strategieswithkids.com
What now? If you’ve been listening to the “What Every Parent Should Know About Feeding” series, you know that we shouldn’t pressure kids in ways that interfere with their natural appetite regulation. Does that mean we have to abandon all boundaries? Of course not! This episode introduces Ellyn Satter’s Division of Responsibility so parents can tell what they should control and what control to give to kids to diffuse power struggles and help them develop a healthy lifelong relationship with food. https://www.strategieswithkids.com/episode/9 Subscribe now to stay updated on future episodes. Show notes, relevant links, and full transcript at strategieswithkids.com
Our words and messages to our kids often become their internal words and messages to themselves, so it’s worth being mindful of the messages we are sending. The phrases I’m sharing today have something in common: they’re all ways to communicate meaningfully with our kids about food without adding pressure. https://www.strategieswithkids.com/episode/8 Subscribe now to stay updated on future episodes. Show notes, relevant links, and full transcript at strategieswithkids.com
Description: Parents name getting their kids to eat at the top of their list of the most stressful things about parenting. This episode is the first of a three-part series that will transform the way you think, talk, and act, so you can help your kids grow up to have a healthy relationship with food. https://www.strategieswithkids.com/episode/7 Subscribe now to stay updated on future episodes. Show notes, relevant links, and full transcript at strategieswithkids.com
Appreciating our own bodies is a powerful strategy for countering the harmful messages diet culture sends our kids about their bodies. Guest expert Gini Bossenbroek shares simple ways we can foster self love. (3 of 3)
https://www.strategieswithkids.com/episode/33 Subscribe now to stay updated on future episodes. Shownotes, relevant links, and full transcript at strategieswithkids.com
Getting attuned to our own bodies is a powerful strategy for helping our kids do the same for their bodies. We can only model what we practice. This episode features simple ways we can foster our own interoceptive awareness with our hunger, energy, and emotions.
Instead of complete overhauls, it’s usually more effective to focus on tiny gains over time. This is especially true if we want our kids to become accustomed to a variety of nutritious foods—the long game matters more than short term. Listen for some practical examples of tiny gains if you want to increase the amount of produce you offer. 1 of 3
The real reason children (and other humans) act obsessive about sugar and what we can do about it
See citations and other resources at strategieswithkids.com
We all want our kids to grow up to eat a variety of nutritious foods. Unfortunately, motivating kids using nutritional information is likely to backfire in the long-term.
I share why nutrition should never be the primary factor kids use when making eating decisions, and how we can help protect our children’s natural eating instincts with gentle nutrition guidance over time.
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In this episode, Dayna and I discuss:
+ how to manage play foods (the foods we eat mostly for fun vs. for their nutritional value) at holiday events and other parties
+ what to do about grandparents who insist on doting on kids with sweets
+ when to introduce play foods
+ using consistency to set predictable boundaries around play foods and minimize power struggles
Dr. Dayna Parish Dennis has been a board-certified pediatrician for over 10 years. She’s also a wife and mother of two. She’s especially passionate about creating a healthy family food culture.
In this episode, Dayna and I discuss:
- taking the pressure off of dinnertime for parents based on your unique priorities and circumstances
- how we encourage kids to be more adventurous as eaters without heavy-handed pressure
- avoiding passing our own food biases or preferences on to our kids
- teaching kids to show respect for the efforts others have put into preparing food
Nikita shares how parents can coach kids through proactive emotional regulation strategies each day. She emphasizes connecting with kids through simple, open-ended questions. Listen to hear how you can use this strategy to support your kids in their social and emotional development. (3 of 3)
In this episode, Nikita gives some examples of recent weather forecasting conversations she’s had with kids of different ages. Listen in to hear what this strategy sounds like in action, including the way Nikita uses non-judgmental open-ended questions to deepen kids’ thinking and encourage them to express themselves.
Listen to hear how you can use this strategy to support your kids.
We know that recognizing emotions is a critical first step on the way toward self-regulation.
Educator, life coach, and podcaster Nikita Burks-Hale introduces a strategy that she developed to help herself and the kids in her life recognize their emotions every morning, so that everyone can get the most out of each day.
"Weather forecasting" is a metaphor that provides infinite visual possibilities to kids and adults for picturing and expressing how they are feeling. Listen in to hear how you can use this strategy to support your kids.
3 of 3. In this episode, Beth shares some of the strategies she uses to help her toddler son manage food sensitivities without creating a sense of restriction.
In this episode, Beth shares some of the strategies she uses to regularly feed her kids nutrient-dense foods and expand their palettes over time without being overwhelmed by decision fatigue.
Listen to hear Beth’s routines that save time and money, making it easier for her to follow the Division of Responsibility.
Download Beth's list of 50+ foods for quick bento box lunches and snacks by visiting the shownotes page.
In this series, guest expert Beth Martin @pineapplesandplaid shares some of the nuances in her approach to feeding her own family and tips to bring ease to your own process. 1 of 3
This episode is a must-hear for parents and teachers who want to nurture kids’ intrinsic enjoyment of math despite all the pressures that come with math in school. Dan shares what to do if your kid is behind, plus how we can help all kids to develop the kind of playful thinking that leads to great mathematical discoveries.
Find relevant links at strategieswithkids.com/episode/18
Dan shares why the best math experiences for young kids look nothing like school math, and makes a compelling argument for playing with your kids in ways that are fun for YOU as a parent. Listen to hear lots of concrete examples of what meaningful math play can look like in early childhood.
See episode page at https://www.strategieswithkids.com/episode/17
Dan Finkel is the Founder of Math for Love, a Seattle-based organization devoted to transforming how math is taught and learned. Dan develops curriculum, leads teacher workshops, and gives talks on mathematics and education nationally and internationally. His TEDx Talk, 5 Principles of Extraordinary Math Teaching, has been viewed over half a million times. His puzzles have appeared in the New York Times, the Guardian, the Hindu, and as TED-Ed riddles. Dan’s curriculum has been used by thousands of students, and is known for its combination of rigor and play. The math games he co-created with his wife, Katherine Cook, have won over 20 awards. They include Prime Climb, the beautiful, colorful, mathematical board game, and Tiny Polka Dot, the colorful math game for children.
Dan Finkel shares foundational truths about how kids best learn math and provides some strategies for parents to avoid the most common pitfalls at home so that kids can grow up to be passionately curious learners.
https://www.strategieswithkids.com/episode/16
Dan is the Founder of Math for Love, a Seattle-based organization devoted to transforming how math is taught and learned. Dan develops curriculum, leads teacher workshops, and gives talks on mathematics and education nationally and internationally. His TEDx Talk, 5 Principles of Extraordinary Math Teaching, has been viewed over half a million times. His puzzles have appeared in the New York Times, the Guardian, the Hindu, and as TED-Ed riddles. Dan’s curriculum has been used by thousands of students, and is known for its combination of rigor and play. The math games he co-created with his wife, Katherine Cook, have won over 20 awards. They include Prime Climb, the beautiful, colorful, mathematical board game, and Tiny Polka Dot, the colorful math game for children.
In this three-part series, my husband and I get personal about the strategies we used to to help our three year old adjust to life with a baby sister. 3 of 3
Avoiding resentments in the first few months Framing * Avoid using fixed-mindset language. It can threaten role identify. The younger isn’t incompetent while the older is privileged with being capable. That puts the older one at odds with the younger baby
+ Instead, we want to communicate that...The younger one is learning a lot of things, and the big sibling gets the honor of getting to help nurture growth if they want.
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“We’re in it together”
- Crying = Alarm system. We’re in it together. Flooding. She thinks she’s unsafe but she’s safe. Empathize w baby.
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Generalized friend language
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If there are times you need to set boundaries, instead of saying “hey stop doing that to your sister/brother”, use the language that is generalized like a friend: “We don’t scream at our friends when we are upset.” “Do we yell at our friends when they are sad?” “Do we jump near our friends’ heads?”
Setting Boundaries * Clear physical boundaries. Okay to act decisively--use a firm tone and physically intervene. Most effective to focus on “what you CAN do”
+ If you want to jump, you can find a safe space like over there.
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Giving older kiddo explicit ways she can engage when we are focused on baby
- Diaper changes
- Can you help find her pacifier? Do you have a story you want to tell her?
Give yourself grace * Notice your feelings and respond with intention * Childcare.
What other advice would you give to families adjusting to a new baby sibling? Share below.
In this three-part series, my husband and I get personal about the strategies we used to to help our three year old adjust to life with a baby sister. 2 of 3
How to make the very first introduction as pleasant and positive as possible Note: there are many different ways children are added to families. In this episode, we speak from our experience of planning on a home birth with a hospital back-up plan. If you are in a different situation, this won’t be all-inclusive but we hope that many of these things will still apply.
- Decide in advance what your plan is, and prep your child for the plan and possible deviations
- Sign up kiddo for a new sibling class
- In the event of a homebirth, attend one that clarifies the birth process or watch a video for kids
- Have a sensitive, flexible known adult come to be the older kids’ designated adult
- We had a lot of alternatives pre-planned in the event of different scenarios
- Keep a written schedule with familiar, fun activities
- Give your child specific tasks he or she can do to support the birthing parent during labor
- Recognize signs of contractions
- Gentle hand on arm
- Breathing
- Quiet
- Determine a code word for a partner to remove the child from the room if she interferes with the birth process
- Code word > gentle removal > known adult who can focus on child
- Reduce jealousy in the first interaction
- If there’s time apart, the child may be feeling extra sensitive. Have friend or partner remove baby from room before big sibling arrives so that big kid can greet/snuggle up with mom before the baby is brought in and welcomed
- Make the birth a celebration!
- Have a gift for the big sibling “from” the new sibling
- Have a “birthday party” for the new sibling ~a week after the birth
View our labor checklist What other advice would you give to families preparing to introduce a new sibling? Share below.
In this three-part series, my husband and I get personal about the strategies we used to to help our three year old adjust to life with a baby sister. 1 of 3
Help Frame Their Perspectives on Changes * Framing: we’re adding a new member to our family--part of our plan from the beginning * Give lots of examples of siblings:
+ aunts and uncles
+ friends with siblings
+ pets as siblings
- Answer questions in age-appropriate ways
Set expectations * Read books about other kids adding new siblings (Daniel Tiger is great too!) * Expose your child to friends’ babies to help set realistic expectations
Adjust routines * Make major routine and setting changes far enough in advance to disassociate them (i.e., our new bedtime routine encouraging more independence)
+ Avoid blaming baby. (i.e., Mama can’t go down the slide because I’m uncomfortable--this is how my body is when I’m pregnant)
- Make sure kiddo is comfortable with another caregiver--i.e., Dad as primary
Reassure * Tell lots of stories about when Big was a baby to help set expectations and let them know how much you treasured your time with them--reassurance * Help them see their new role as a positive way to contribute to the family “Baby is so lucky to get to have such a considerate and funny big sister!” * Communicate that no feelings are off-limits. Acknowledge range of feelings
What other advice would you give to families preparing to add a new sibling? Share below.
In this three part series, guest expert Gwen Kiehne shares her most impactful strategies for helping families work out their struggles with sleep. part 3 of 3 What about feelings? Here are some helpful notes from Gwen: 1. How to be present with baby/toddler’s feelings 1. Learning something new is hard and we just talked about how creating a solid attachment relationship is about creating predictability and a stable sense of safety. Well, when we change the status quo, it can be a very untethering experience for babies. It’s really normal for them to experience worry, sadness, anger, frustration, confusion any time you change the routine, even a little bit.
1. Say again - these are normal human emotions. I think it’s also normal for parents to want to protect our babies and toddlers from experiencing these emotions because we think of them as unpleasant or even distressing ways to feel
2. It can be more effective though to normalize these feelings by being present with them, bearing witness to them, and being an emotional anchor through them. I think about these big feelings like sudden thunderstorms. They come rolling in and they try to blow things around and they test to see what’s nailed down and what isn’t
- Learning/teaching to tolerate discomfort
- Whether it’s allowing a little frustration to happen during tummy time or it’s working on sleeping without the breast in the mouth, children are served by understanding that frustration, confusion, even sadness and anger are not emergencies. Our children really look to us to understand how they should feel about certain situations, so if we come full tilt running every time they peep, it reinforces that this is the normal, appropriate, and eventually expected response to that feeling that they just had. In other words, “it felt like an emergency that I’m still on my tummy and when I made that sound my parent came running like it was an emergency. It must be an emergency.”
- The caveat here is that every child’s temperament is different. Some babies take quite a while to reach a point of frustration and then they can tolerate being in that discomfort for a while. Others are very quick to frustration and escalate to distress quite quickly. There’s no one answer that will work for all babies, so it’s important to just work with the baby you have, start where you are.
- Practical tips
- Think about what ideal looks like and then break down the steps to get there
- Don’t fix it if it isn’t broken
In this three part series, guest expert Gwen Kiehne shares her most impactful strategies for helping families work out their struggles with sleep. part 2 of 3 Humans are pattern-recognition learners Here are some helpful notes from Gwen: 1. Parent sets up routines and patterns 2. Establish circadian rhythm by exposing newborn to light in the morning and dark in the evening and at night. 3. Babies learn with consistency over time 4. Relation to other things: math, language, food, sleep 5. Not just based on baby’s cues--you cue to them 6. Creating a strong attachment relationship is about building patterns that feel stable, safe, and predictable. And so part of that is being responsive and part of that is being firm 7. Deviating from the routine, aiming for consistency not perfection. Life is going to happen and, developmental storms are going to blow through, vacations will happen. So, what do you do, mix equal parts go with the flow and keep the things familiar that you can. When you travel, pack the favorite lovey and your white noise, think about a plan for black out shades (pssst… you can get easy cut to size temporary paper ones at the hardware store for like $5), etc. Try to keep with a similar sequence even if the timing is off due to time zone changes. When teething or illnesses come, you should always feel like you can attend to your baby when they need you. But the more you can keep things steady, the more comforted by the predictability they will be and the less work you will need to do when the storm passes. So, if you’ve established a falling asleep laying down routine and teething is going on, your baby may need a little extra comfort or some medication, but you’re still going to lay down to sleep even if it’s a little harder for a night or two rather than drastically changing the routine in response to the discomfort. Drastically changing things means that your baby is now uncomfortable and unsure about what the expectations are.
Gwen with my older daughter in 2016
In this three part series, guest expert Gwen Kiehne shares her most impactful strategies for helping families work out their struggles with sleep. part 1 of 3 Gwen with my older daughter in 2016
Gwen Kiehne has a passionate interest in human development, with a particular focus on newborn, infant, and child emotional development and the transition to parenthood. She has been a postpartum doula for almost 8 years, and a certified sleep coach for 3 years, among other various birth professional hats. Gwen has worked with hundreds of families and cares deeply about helping parents find their inner wisdom and cultivate their own path on their parenting journey. She is the proud mother of a wonderfully curious 10 year old and a community organizer here in Seattle’s Central District.
Sleep is cultural Parents get to decide the sleep culture of your family Here are some helpful notes from Gwen: 1. As a postpartum doula, I observed that almost all parents pass through similar phases as they learn to parent newborns and infants. The first phase tends to center around feeding. I like to call this the “keep the tiny human alive” or “survival” phase where many parents are learning to breastfeed, they are focused on their changing and healing body, and their growing and changing baby. Once this phase starts to feel resolved, which happens at various stages for parents, the focus tends to become on sleep and figuring out how to which pieces of their life before baby they’re going to carry forward and how to integrate this new person into their life routines. I think of this as the “establishing the family culture” phase and a big part of that is doing some longer term sleep planning. 2. Science is descriptive, not prescriptive 1. People having kids today are more informed than ever. Parents are often pulled between extremes. For example, I often reference the work of Dr. James McKenna who is a biological anthropologist who studies the breastfeeding relationship dyad in primates and humans. Most recently he coined the term breastsleeping to describe the natural biological interconnectedness between nursing and sleeping in human babies. His work is often used to describe a scientific basis for bed sharing and giving babies open access to the breast through the night. On the other side of the spectrum, you have the American Academy of pediatrics who focuses on Sudden Unexplained Infant Death and suffocation, warns against bed sharing, and makes a scientific argument for keeping babies flat on their backs on a separate flat firm sleep surface designed for infant sleep. If we’re looking for sleep solutions or support online, parents are often faced with choosing what kind of parent they are, one that cares about the psychological and biological connectedness that their baby feels or one that cares about whether their baby survives to breathe another day. It can be confusing and overwhelming t
What now? If you’ve been listening to the “What Every Parent Should Know About Feeding” series, you know that we shouldn’t pressure kids in ways that interfere with their natural appetite regulation. Does that mean we have to abandon all boundaries? Of course not! This episode details Ellyn Satter’s Division of Responsibility so parents can tell what they should control and what control to give to kids to diffuse power struggles and help them develop a healthy lifelong relationship with food.
Parents decide: 1. What food to offer 2. Where to offer food 3. When to offer food
Kids decide: 1. How much to eat 2. Whether or not to eat
Our words and messages to our kids often become their internal words and messages to themselves, so it’s worth being mindful of the messages we are sending. The phrases I’m sharing today have something in common: they’re all ways to communicate meaningfully with our kids about food without adding pressure.
Talking About Food Here we want to be mindful of nutrition but avoid moralizing about foods.
Instead of calling certain foods “bad for you/unhealthy/junk food/sweets/dessert”…
Call them “play food.” Play foods are foods that we eat for fun, just for the pleasure of them, even though they don’t always have the nutrients we need.
Instead of certain foods “good for you/healthy”…
Call them “nutritious foods”. Nutritious foods give us what we need to help our bodies to grow and be healthy.
I love the framing of both of these because they feel morally neutral. Both are presented in a positive way. It shows that both have a role in a diet that goes beyond “avoid this” and “eat that.” There’s absolutely space for play foods on our plates, we just don’t want to have so many of them that there’s no room for us to get the nutrients our bodies need.
Talking About Bodies Here we want to send a consistent message that our bodies are good and smart and know what we need if we listen to them.
It’s difficult for parents to believe that their kids are done at the table when they’ve been distracted or rushed. My favorite strategy here is to ask a neutral question.
Instead of “Are you done?” or “Did you get enough?”…
Ask “Are you satisfied?” Satisfied means your body feels good. You no longer feel hungry, but you aren’t uncomfortably full, either. It’s a comfortable feeling.
Then accept your child’s answer.
Need more resources for healing your own relationship with food? Subscribe below to get an instant link to my favorite books, podcasts, and online resources, including a life-changing 10-minute TED Talk.
Parents I talk to name getting their kids to eat at the top of their list of the most stressful things about parenting. This episode is the first of a three-part series that will transform the way you think, talk, and act, so you can help your kids grow up to have a healthy relationship with food.
4 Facts Every Parent Should Know About Feeding Kids
These Can Transform Mealtimes
- Kids are born with the natural ability to regulate their appetites when they are offered a balanced set of choices.
- It is developmentally normal for kids to develop neophobia—picky eating—between ages 2 and 5.
- Your kids want to grow up to eat like you.
- External pressures can interfere with natural appetite regulation.
The Alvas just welcomed a new baby, so Rachel is currently on maternity leave. Listen for details on what to expect in upcoming episodes.
Four strategies for deepening kids’ thinking
We all want to give our kids the best chance to develop intellectually. Here's how we can get out of the way—and meet them exactly where they are—to boost the impact of learning experiences.
In this episode, I use the example of taking kids to the butterfly house at a science center, but these strategies can just as easily apply to informal or formal experiences at home, school, or anywhere in the community—no fancy memberships required. After I recorded the episode, I regretted not mentioning this because I never want to imply that families with fewer resources are less invested in their kids’ cognitive development. That’s clearly not the case, and these strategies are accessible independent of finances.
Here are the strategies: 1. Give lots of hands-on experiences to facilitate discovery. 2. Help kids put words to observations—“What do you notice?” 3. Turn kids’ observations into questions —“I wonder if/why/how/what…” 4. Let kids formalize their learning in their own time. Don’t rush to a conclusion!
Your turn to share below: What are your biggest takeaways from this episode? After you tried out these strategies, what were your wins with your child? Where do you have questions or need more support?
Five simple steps to creating more effective routines with your kids at home or school
These steps can be done with individual kids at home, whole classrooms of students at school, or anything in-between. The process is initiated anytime someone notices that there’s an ongoing struggle with a procedure that happens regularly. It could be getting ready in the morning, lining up for recess, engaging in meaningful partner work, or any other routine that happens in your context on a regular basis. When I started as a classroom teacher, I worried that kids might not take my concerns seriously when I initiated the process, but I quickly discovered that anything that bothered me bothered at least a few kids, and my students tended to be very empathetic whenever someone—including me—presented an issue.
Part of what makes this process so successful is that everyone has a chance to feel that their concerns are acknowledged and gets to participate in developing an effective solution. To recap, here are the steps:
- Bring together stakeholders. Evaluate your current routine--what works or doesn’t work about it? (What do you want MORE or LESS of?)
- Determine the desired steps of new routine. Negotiate a plan.
- Formalize the plan. (Written or photo checklist? Act it out?)
- Try it out for a while.
- Re-evaluate as often as needed and repeat steps 1-5.
Listen to the full episode for further explanation of each step, including an example of how my family recently used this process to improve our three-year-old’s bedtime routine.
Join the conversation below by sharing your wins with the process as well as any struggles you’ve had with the process that you want support to troubleshoot.
optimize your scheduled routines with kids for more joy and satisfaction each day
Step 1: List out your typical routine with your kids (See my example below)
Step 2: Evaluate your routine using these questions:
- Did we get everything?
- Is there anything that’s not serving us, that we want to remove?
- Do we have rituals of connection?
- Is there space for flexibility?
- Does this look fun?
Mark up your page with any notes you want to make that can bring your reflections into the next phase in episode 5, which will help you develop an action plan for anything you might want to tweak.
Sample schedule of a weekday with my three year old—this illustrated pocket chart makes it easy for both child and adult to know, follow, evaluate, and adapt our daily routine
It can be tempting for us as adults to ignore kids’ feelings, especially since so many of us grew up learning to ignore our own. SO much of the advice given to parents and teachers through the years focuses on fixing the behavior. After all, that’s the part that irritates and frustrates us most.
Listen in to learn why recognizing feelings is ESSENTIAL for helping us nurture healthy kids and how to coach kids through big emotions in ways that maintain healthy boundaries.
Below are a couple of great articles I wanted to share with you:
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Got Anger? Try Naming It To Tame It from NPR
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An Introduction to Emotion Coaching from the Gottman Institute
Okay, so it’s not really magic.
It’s actually just that when you get these two things functioning optimally, 99% of the daily friction goes away and you can enjoy being with your kids more.
And the great news is that with both of these things:
- You as the adult get the privilege of having the primary influence, especially at first.
- It’s never to late to start fresh.
- They involve skills that ANYONE can learn who is willing to try. (I used to think that being “good with kids” required the right kind of personality—now I recognize that all the skills involved in helping kids—and yourself—thrive can be learned.)
- They naturally provide loads of easy ways to increase your kids’ agency in over time.
Listen in to hear what these two things are, one of my experiences of flubbing up big time with both, and get some concrete ideas on areas you can shift to make life more enjoyable for you and your kids.
If you haven’t already listened to episode 1, check out the show notes here or download this helpful graphic that you’ll build on after this episode.
Share below: Which of these strategies comes more naturally to you? Which categories did you star as an area you want to tackle next? What are your next steps?
Listen to hear why it’s more effective to include kids in the decision-making process, regardless of their natural personality type.
Guiding kids through making decisions that are mutually beneficial doesn’t mean giving up your ability to set boundaries that feel safe and comfortable for you, too, as the adult. When you advocate for your own needs, you can model respectful, assertive communication skills. Download the attached Venn Diagram to organize your thoughts about which decisions belong to the adult(s) in your setting, which belong to your kid(s), and which can be shared.
Download "Whose Decision?" Diagram Below is our family’s example of what this looks like with our three year-old, Blue. Over time, the balance of decision-making authority will shift as Blue becomes more independent. Our main focus for this episode is on the teal text inside the “Shared Decisions” category.
JUST FOR FUN: For further thinking about your own tendency in responding to expectations (or that of a child in your life), check out Gretchen Rubin’s quiz. Share your results in the comments below! Mine are already posted.
Wondering if this podcast is right for you? Strategies With Kids is for parents, teachers, and other professionals who want to cultivate empowering, joyful environments with the kids in their lives. Listen in to learn more about what to expect in the first six-episode mini-series as well as the podcast in general.