This Is Actually Happening: Recent Episodes
This Is Actually Happening
"I look at that girl now and I really don't even feel like she was me." Intro Music: "Snow Capture" - Nasienie; "Illabye" - Tipper Music: "Cylinder Five" - Chris Zabriskie
"I had such a 'Leave It To Beaver' childhood and then you're kind of flung into all this chaos and you realize 'wow, I didn't live in the real world.'" Music: "Lumien" - Jari Pitkanen
"It was like a nightmare that could not be our own...It's crazy to think that this actually happened to the people that we know." Music: "Cylinder Four" - Chris Zabriskie Intro Music: "Illabye" - Tipper
"We were all having so much fun and then just 'bam' like that everybody's gone." Music: "Union Flow" - Spuntic Intro Music: "Illabye" - Tipper
“You always feel like if your parent ever leaves you on Earth, it’s never going to be by their own hand.” Music: "Re-entry" - Lee Rosevere Intro Music: "Illabye" - Tipper
"I felt like a celestial axe had come down and split my skull in half." Music: "Re-Entry" - Lee Rosevere Intro Music 1: "Brethren Arise" - Chris Zabriskie Intro Music 2: "Illabye" - Tipper
"It's pretty devastating to find out that what you thought you knew was completely wrong." Music: "Cylinder Five" - Chris Zabriskie Intro Music: "Illabye" - Tipper
"I walked on eggshells every day....the only way I could survive was to be able to detect which one of these personalities I would be dealing with that day." Pam Franklin, the storyteller in this episode, has written a book "My Five Sisters" that provides more in depth, vivid detail of her life. You can find it on Amazon at: http://www.amazon.com/My-Five-Sisters-Psychological-Personalities-ebook/dp/B00X06OFM0 Music: "The Dark Glow of the Mountains" - Chris Zabriskie Intro Music: "Illabye" - Tipper
"Only thing I knew was blackness, that's all I saw. Cuz everything went dark and I was in a whole new world." Music: "Wake Up" - Spuntic Intro Music: "Illabye" - Tipper
"I'm just thinking 'oh, okay...I'll just sit there and be confused.'" Music: "Union Flow" - Spuntic Intro Music: "Illabye" - Tipper
"Imagine in your mind when you can't stand to be around you. That's like unimaginable, but I got through that." Music: "Cylinder Four" - Chris Zabriskie Intro Music: "Illabye" - Tipper
"I'm like 'oh man...what am I doing here?'" Music: "Re-Entry" - Lee Rosevere Intro Music: "Illabye" - Tipper
"I was completely lost in, I don't even know what the realm is called, this other spiritual realm, and I was grasping to be grounded." Music: "The Dark Glow of the Mountains" - Chris Zabriskie Intro Music: "Illabye" - Tipper
"I had no idea what had just occurred and why....So I just hid there and waited and waited for what felt like an eternity." Music: "Lumien" - Jari Pitkanen Intro Music: "Illabye" - Tipper
"I still don't know what I want it to mean or if I want it to mean anything." Music: "The Dark Glow of the Mountains" - Chris Zabriskie Intro Music: "Illabye" - Tipper
"Anytime I felt off or bad or anything, I would immediately freak out....it would just spiral out of control every single time." Music: "The Dark Glow of the Mountains" - Chris Zabriskie Intro Music: "Illabye" - Tipper
"Like a record player, stuck in a loop all day, every day." Music: "Wake Up" - Spuntic Intro Music: "Illabye" - Tipper
"You're not supposed to recover from being dead...this is as ultimate as it gets, right?" Music: "Union Flow" - Spuntic Intro Music: "Illabye" - Tipper
"I feel like I'm a survivor on this Earth and everybody's got everything and I have to fight so hard to get it." Music: "Cylinder Four" - Chris Zabriskie Intro Music: "Illabye" - Tipper
"There's so much more the bigger picture...and we'll never understand it until we cross over." Music: "Ambient Theme #1" - Steve O'Brien Intro Music: "Illabye" - Tipper
"It's like when your computer reboots...that's sort of what happened to my brain, and then everything on the hard drive gets wiped." Music: "Re-entry" - Lee Rosevere Intro Music: "Illabye" - Tipper
"This is not just a fantasy. This is not just a joke, like the rest of my life had become. This is real." Music: "Lumien" - Jari Pitkanen Intro Music: "Illabye" - Tipper
"I have no connection with who I was in 2001...don't know him." Music: "Cylinder Four" - Chris Zabriskie Intro Music: "Illabye" - Tipper
"Mother nature tells us what to do, not the other way around." Music: "Wake Up" - Spuntic Intro Music: "Illabye" - Tipper
"His face was everything that I was angry about." Music: "Union Flow" - Spuntic Intro Music: "Illabye" - Tipper
I'm not supposed to be seeing this. Like, there's a crack somewhere. There's something wrong. Music: Water - Johannes Welsch
I remember blanking out, dazed...I felt like I was in a tunnel. Music: Wake Up - Spuntic
I didn't even understand what had happened, how I lost everything. Music: Cylinder Four - Chris Zabriskie
It was just this sense of like an emotional atomic bomb go off in your head. Music: Water - Johannes Welsch
You can never really tell what a woman's been through if you don't ask the right questions. Music: Lumien - Jari Pitkanen
The man that I loved is no more. It's almost like, this person died, but is still living. Union Flow - Spuntic
Its pretty hard to have a down day when you touch the beginnings of life. Music: Re-entry - Lee Rosevere
All of the ways we define ourselves are going to be stripped away by illness or the dying process...now who am I? Music: Tibetan Ohm Chant
Everything is temporary if you give it enough time. Music: Wake Up - Spuntic Intro Music by Robey Clark
It was literally an out of body experience. Like, it wasn't me who was looking at the screen. Music: Chop it Up - Squirm Orchestra
I have begun the process for some years of decolonizing the mind, but I have a long way to go. Music: Slumberia - unbeknown Intro Music by Robey Clark
We screw up, and that's how we find our way. Music: Phylotaxis - Squirm Orchestra Intro Music by Robey Clark
When things don't make sense to me, I don't like it. So, to have something like this obviously not make sense to me...But it happened. Music: Union Flow - Spuntic Intro music by Robey Clark
It was one of the first times I realized, okay, there's a whole other world of things that are possible now because of this. Music: Cat Wearing Glasses - Lee Rosevere Intro Music by Robey Clark
I could not look at the ocean, because when I look at it, it just seemed like an enemy to me. Music: Rain Makes Rain - Tardiss Intro Music by Robey Clark
They were saying, you're too American for us to deport you...But you're not American enough for us to give you a passport. Music: Wake Up - Spuntic Intro Music by Robey Clark
And that was essentially the crowbar that kind of flipped the whole world view on its head. Music: Rain Makes Rain - Tardiss
Statistically, you're going to survive this...but it's the terror of not knowing. Music: Cat Wearing Glasses - Lee Rosevere
It's hard to fall in love with somebody that you can't get to know. Music: Snow Capture - Nasienie
I can imagine now, as a father...I can imagine what he feels like. Music: To Speak of Solitude - Brambles
I've come to a place where I don't believe in a God that's less compassionate than I am. Music: Phylotaxis - Squirm Orchestra
That is the cutting edge. That is the true cutting edge - that moment. Music: Bliss Out - Nasienie
And the why question...I suppose there is an answer to the why, and it has no interest to me any more. Music: Rain Makes Rain - Tardiss
When you're looking for a sign, you reach a point, and when you're ready you'll take anything as a sign. And I reached that point. Music: Irsen's Tale - Kai Engel
Somehow, some way and for some reason, I have thus far survived it. I don't what that means. Music: However Dark It Be - Nasienie
I still smile, I still laugh...because I feel like nothing's gonna knock me out. Music: Phylotaxis - Squirm Orchestra
Still to this day I question, because what mercy is there in that? Music: Water - Johannes Welsch
I was this other person...and what I saw my real me as is the person I used to be and it would sneak up on me and see what I was doing behind my back. Music: Bliss Out - Nasienie
Nothing I learned at University taught me how to handle this kind of situation, or any of us who were there. Music: Not for Nothing - Dan Gross
It could just be over, all of a sudden, in a second. Music: To Speak of Solitude - Brambles
I'm just so clear that nothing else is promised, other than right now. Music: Cat Wearing Glasses - Lee Rosevere
I woke up and I was just like, wait a second, I feel whole again. Music: Irsen's Tale - Kai Engel
It's always going to put me in a strange place...A place I can't articulate. Music: Not for Nothing - Dan Gross
It was a huge revelation...It was what we call the 'Aha' moment. Music: Rain Makes Rain - Tardiss
I was always semi-conscious that, okay, I'm gonna play this off...but deep inside, I don't really belong here. Music: Let Down - Genie Love (Radiohead Cover)
After crossing that line, hope was born in me. And this would make all the difference in the world. Union Flow - Spuntic
If you really want something to be true, that's when you have to question it. Music: Ultra Deep Field - Stellardrone
For the first time this year...I smelled a person, for one day. Music: Progression - Jessica Styler
If I had chosen to participate in my life a decade earlier, I would be a completely different person than I am now. Music: Snow Capture - Nasienie
It again became clear that I didn't know what I was talking about. Music: Rain Makes Rain - Tardiss
When life suddenly throws something at you like that...Now I'll believe anything. You tell me anything, I'll be like 'sure, why not.' Music: To Speak of Solitude - Brambles
We're still here. What part are we playing in all this? Music: Cat Wearing Glasses - Lee Rosevere