The Kluck Index: Recent Episodes
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Youve heard of Hot Takes? Welcome to Klucks Not Takes! All the news you didnt know you needed in a tasty 10 item format!
We're not eating our greens, Wendy's has a very unexciting new dessert, Powerball is still big and is it the Summer of the purse for men?
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Jalapenos are making us sick now, Applebee's is running back a fan-favorite, peptides are in, Miss North Carolina is out. Happy weekend!
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The Powerball is almost a billion, being retired is gonna ding you that first year, Diet Coke is out and being lazy is IN!
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Starbucks is going orange creme, Summer heat is cooking Unc, Pepsi is into the skin care game and Taco Bell has a new menu item that is somehow both poor sounding and fancy sounding!
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Travis Kelce has a Dad bod, maintaining friendship is hard work, HOAs continue to suck, Dunkin's buckets are back on Friday and weekends in Summer are expensive!!
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It's the end of July already? WTF?!
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Mitch McConnell may show up at Summer Slam, we like our music all by our lonesome, Sam Adams is going N/A for Octoberfest and some Florida man is walking around $800M richer!
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Stop eating before you go to bed, Crumbl has a new spicy jam, doctors are against comfy sleepin and could be a blackout headed your way this week!
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Florida sugar daddies sound violent, high gas prices have us thinking about EVs, a way high number of us still answer the door for strangers and today we celebrate milk chocolate!
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Fireball is helping you smuggle booze in, midterms are on the way and we're concerned about a couple things, Pringles and BW3 are collaborating and sleep habits can break a relationship.
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It's National Cousins Day, Cheez-It and Coors Light are collaborating, measles are way up, we love physical games and Google is raking in the dough!
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Bertha is tearing it up this week, TV watching could shrink your brain, BK is testing the whitest sandwich we've heard of and Phoenix is frying!
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Uncrustables is facing a new challenger, Kelly Clarkson has a tummy bug, we fake it at work and stick shifts are out!
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Cold Stone Creamery is ruining our beach body, student loan defaults are at an all-time high, Popeye's has curds now and McDonald's is getting creamy!
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Playing a lot of (awful) golf these days, Florida man had a busy weekend at Lowe's, we fancy ourselves pretty green and Spain won it all this weekend!
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No clue how I forgot to upload this yesterday! Many apologies!
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We're getting new fries, Wyoming loves grilling more than everyone, Brownsville is a safe place to drive and Costco has a tasty new treat for Summer.
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Modern design is overworking our mushy brains, we really think we could score in the World Cup, our pets are fountains of joy and Starbucks is bringing back an amazing treat!
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Today is your day, humble beans & franks! Snigging chocolate may get you ripped at the gym, house prices are still way high and I lost a TON of golf balls this weekend!
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IHOP has a decadent new breakfast option, Summer is gonna be hot we reckon, Reese's has a new flavor and we ALL check the Kleenex!
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We're running low on middle aged people, Krispy Kreme has some awesome new flavors, Copenhagen sounds nice and Panera gave away a bunch of bread today!
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World Cup is causing an uptick on Tinder, Pringles is getting into the ben game, sitting is really killing you and Ann Arbor is full of a bunch of smarty pants!
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We're not getting out much anymore, some college kids apparently did get left behind after all, Golden Corral has a 250th special and not one state made any progress over the last year!
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WE ARE SO BACK!!!!! Vacation was long, sort of sucked.
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Rats are getting stronger, the Weather Channel is #1 in our hearts, we leave for vacation after the show today so we'll see ya after the 4th! Don't blow your fingers off!
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If you need a reason to chase a pregnant woman, have I got one for you! We have a new loudest town crier (WTF?)most of us still believe in karma and Little Caesar's has a new pizza that'll tingle your Spidey sense!
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MUG root beer has their first-ever new flavor, Wingstop doesn't know how to do math, Eggo is skipping the sugar and most of us don't trust AI-generated anything.
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Some of us are dining out A LOT, TikTok is not the place to find good sun protection advice, we're getting stoked for Detroit-style pizza, new Qdoba and AI is coming for the government!
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Old FLorida dudes get after it, casual hookups are down, we're getting free birthday cake and health care has priced almost half of us out of the game!
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DC needs pool shock apparently, Jersey Mike is our new king, don't sit too much or not enough and Father's Day is Sunday!
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Arby's has a cheesy new sammich, a messy car lets people know you're life is also a mess, Red Lobster is giving away Shrimp for 25 years and Pizza Hut was sold!
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Cutting out sugar could actually ruin your insides, stocks are up, our bathroom has finally gotten lighting and SPAM has a new collaboration!
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We have out first trillionaire, Cracker Barrel is bringing back a Summer classic, our dreams are making some of us quit work and today it's all about the fudge, baby!
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El Nino is coming back, Coors Light wants you three deep at all times this Summer, the SAT turns 100 and about half of us get pretty bored having a conversation.
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Today we celebrate jerky, Costco is for the elites, way too many of us are working on vacation, Taco Bell has a new jam and tans are in again?
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AI is gonna be sucking up all of our power, some of us miss the big moment because we're on our phone, ramen gets some new Summer flavors and the World Cup begins today!
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Today we toast the humble egg roll, Sweden has 13 year old gangs, bourbon is missing in Philly and we will wait as long as possible to take our cars in....
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Panic rooms and bunkers, so hot right now, Taco Bell has a new sweet treat, the A/C is on and it's National Forklift Safety Day!
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The Bears are inching toward The Region, the Gen Z dating terminology is.....a lot, Kroger is giving away ice cream and a whole 5 days awaits us!
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It's my BIRTHDAY!!! Wild to think this show started when I was 29 and today I'm 46.....
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Nearly everyone regrets at least one trip, Olive Garden is getting spicy this Summer, we're desperate for allergy relief and we all think we need to slow this AI stuff down a bit!
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Our jobs our ruining our mental health, young parents are still doling out spankings, Google is getting into the bug business and Ebola is creeping on up!
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19mins is all ytou're going to get on a first date, Pizza Hut is getting crusty, Panda Express has a sus new jam and EVs.....so hot right now!
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Today we toast the Paperclip, dump on Congress, BK has an odd chicken-jam making a return and Doritos has the flavor of Summer all taken care of already.
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Oreo has a new celebrity collab, firefighters are fit as Hell, a dog shoots a lady and today we celebrate the brisket!
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Ebola is still out there lurking around, KFC is bringing a fan-favorite back, Blue Moon is going blue and Ferrari took a dump this week....
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Cooking at home is good for your brain, KFC has a new weekday jam, Dunkin has a massive drink and being a small business owner sounds tough!
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Google makes an update, the old heads love TikTok too, we eat a lot of crap but not as much crap as we feed the kids and the big game is coming to Smashville!
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An asteroid nearly ended us all, being horny may make you misjudge a person's interest in you, Taco Bell has a new mutation of a couple of old favorites and over half of us think we're cool. LOL, ok.
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Gen Z equate eating spicy foods with being strong, gents, the Summer of ass has arrived! Tomato prices are soaring and my God isn't it Memorial Day weekend yet?!
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Aaron Rodgers is back, we fight in the kitchen with our spouses but we're super polite to AI and if you're traveling this Summer don't forget the chicken!
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ODs are down, Krispy Kreme has a dream jam for Summer,l New York has loads of singles and man, we apparently LOVE our banks?
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eBay gives GameStop the thumbs down, we're not having many "fun days" these days, prices are up and so is Syphilis!
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Prenup discussion on the third date? One lawyer says yes sir, we're concerned about ingredients in what we eat apparently, Bumble is letting the pervs loose and Haribo is getting into the Patriotic spirit!
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Apparently flying a drone while drunk is a charge now, trees may keep you healthy longer, Kraft has a new comfort snack and Summer travel is trending toward the backyard.....
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Calories don't count today apparently, we get our health info from TikTok, Shell is doing hella good these days at our expense and the JLNK Show is officially 16!
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Rat Virus is trying to ruin our Summer, we're getting Twix skulls this Summer, being poor is making you look old and Sunday is Mother's Day!
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Call your Mom, Delta is 86ing the free snacks, apparently loads of us are fond of Mars, Oreo has a new jam and Uber is letting you order food on the ride!
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Poor Jeff Bezos' yacht is too big, M&M's has a new color, we all think firefighting is tough and the secret to memory could be pounding eggs all week!
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¡Feliz Cinco de Mayo! ¡Aquí tienes 10 chistes tontos para celebrar, amigo!
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May the Fourth be with you! Also, gas prices are still out of control, Spirit Airlines closed up shop over the weekend and Mom knows she keeps this family together!
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......and just like that, a wet April gives way to a wet, cold May!
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Today we celebrate the worst cookie ever, Little Caesar's is taking to the skies, we're getting more forgetful and gas is killing all of us!
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A QB has a losing issue, Buddhist monks in Sri Lanka like to party, 3:42 is the real witching hour and Wendy's has a it's Sweet N' Sour back!
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"Unicycle Granny" is out there crushing it, sadly, so is Florida Man. Nilla Wafers is in the Star Wars game and we're after visible abs now?
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AI is making Big Brother's job easier, Hardee's has prime rib, even on vacation we'd like a little alone time and BW3 is bringing the AYCE apps back!
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Raise one high for Pigs In A Blanket today, Arby's has a new dish, redheads may be genetically superior, avoid napping in the morning (WTF?) and the price of rubbers is going up!
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6-7 is coming to nuggets, there are 6 elements to good mental health, napping may signal trouble ahead and it's draft day!
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It's Earth Day, McDonald's is getting into the dirty soda game, we're letting ChatGPT talk us into skipping the doctor's office and some of us get real tight when we see people boozing it up on a plane!
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We have a super fast droid now, we are a curious bunch as we age, Cold Stone is getting into the Dubai chocolate game and the kids think ciggies are for you health now!
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Happy 4/20 to those that celebrate!
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Twix has a new way to enjoy, loads of us ignore issues our bodies are having, Tylenol is fine and a woman gets paid for getting fall down drunk.
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It's Eggs Benny Day! Data centers are going up all over the place, Rice Krispy Treats is trying to win Jason back and looking for work sucks!
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Pokemon shooting in Indianapolis, being "frugal" is in, pets are pricey and war costs a bunch of money!
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Gen Z likes to pregame before work, Hidden Valley has a new Ranch, Domino's has an old Ranch, we spend loads of time on the phone and weight in your 20s hits different than weight in your 40s.
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Red Bulls can ruin your massage, we don't know when Earth Day is, Nestle loves morsel talk and BK has a new meal they're testing.
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Over half of us would keep our current whip forever, not all of us are bothered by the wealthy skipping on taxes, Hershey is bringing back real chocolate and if Mom and Dad drink.....kids probably will tip a few back as well.
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Pillsbury is pumped about World Cup, banning kids from the socials backfires, Pizza Hut in Canada sounds wild and apparently the upper-middle class are the majority now?
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Taco Bell is rolling out the People's Champ, produce up front leads to more sales, a dude at FEMA believes he teleports and today we toast the humble coffee cake!
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I suffered a holiday loss yesterday, many of us see our homes as an extension of ourselves, ladies crave clean potties and raise one for New Beer's Eve!
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The air is gonna be getting bad, some degrees may be a financial waste of time, water sets the tone for the day and it's Easter weekend!
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Tiger Woods is headed away for treatment, BK is upping their breakfast game, gas is over $4 a gallon and put the phone away, "silent walking" is in!
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....and just like that, March is OVER.
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Wanna know about the poorest-sounding soup ever? We're all in a fog, Entenmann's has seasonal holes, Little Debbie has a new SUmmer collab and Tiger had a rough start to his weekend
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We are falling behind on credit card bills, KFC UK is either really bad or really good at naming things, 42 year olds can join the Army now and the cold will getcha before the heat does!
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NASA is blowing some coin on a moon base, Joe Flacco is so back, we're getting a Dirty Dew and put your damn phone down when the show is on TV!
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I have a cat that keeps me up some nights screaming bloody murder. So sometimes I get tired and space on posting the Index podcast, my bad!
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The man behind OnlyFans has passed, a third of tattoos are game time decisions, Kraft is getting into the protein game and TikTok has terrible advice.
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Lawnmowing is competitive in the 'burbs, iPhones are getting hacked now, slightly more than half of us look down at pornography and Oil is about to get wildly (more) expensive
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We have a new list of our most popular dogs, oil is high but not as high as out debt, Taco Bell hjas a new jam and it's Madness time!
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McDonald's has a new "value" menu, the Oscars wasn't so hot this year, kids be rawdogging boredom and Costco has a 10lb Easter bunny!
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A ton of us think we're nearing the end of it all, only 1 third of us are looking down at making a few parlays this weekend, Red Bull is working on the antidote and today we celebrate the humble Sloppy Joe.
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Happy Stone Cold Steve Austin Day!
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Ooooooh spooky, it's Friday the 13th!
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Burger King is doing better, Dr. Dre is officially a billionaire, have a couple of kiwis today if you're backed up and old people in Britain can get into the army!
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Peeps still wants us to give 'em a look, open offices promote bullying, airports are getting backed up and today you need to ask your crush to prom!
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Today we celebrate Mario (Mar10 lol), Wendy's has a helluva job offer, kids think dinner stinks and gas is up. Wayyyyyy up!
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Trader Joe's needs their rice back, Taco Bell has new sweet treats, four places in the US are ideal for hiding from nukes, don't hold your number twos and Britney is having a bad one bro....
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Standing desks are getting downvoted, people are shooting at passenger planes, My Little Pony finally did it, 7-11 is celebrating your big day and if you were a rich kid we have some great news!
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We're rolling back gifting this holiday season because, well, money. Mattel is sorry for their porno mistake, LEDs can keep you from a shark bite and men may be extinct down the road!
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Say hello to "doom spending," pythons love Chili's, poo is washing up on shore in Australia, butter is being stolen in Canada and today is National French Dip Day!
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South Carolina is having a wild week already, berry vapes may be not the best for you, diabetes is up, friendship is down and it's Veteran's Day!
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Bad sleep could be making your brain old as Hell, Vlasic has a new snack jam, TGI Friday's is going under and maaaan some North Koreans are seeing the goods for the very first time.
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Getting some strange can help you get over the Winter blahs, a dead parent may help you get closer to home ownership, we hate when work calls after work hours and the election is finally over!
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New Zealand and Virginia are where you wanna be when it all hits the fan. loneliness is even worse than i sounds, billionaires are ruining the planet and it's election day!
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We're terrible at making new friends, more than half of us have had the holiday plans on the brain since Labor Day, Crocs are out at some schools and we need to get outside and play!
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Some of us are not down for holiday travel, Grillo's and V* are having a lovechild, are you poor? Blame your friends. Also...bruh it's already November.
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Ooooh it's Devil's Night! Turns out stealing from a bank is a dumb idea, most of us are wearing a health tracker, there was a cheese heist and TGI Friday's is having a bad week.
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Japan has a "Ramen King," apparently digital condoms are a thing, nearly a quarter of us are working instead of retiring, American Airlines is getting a Lunk Alarm and some of us can't do horror movies.
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Your ADHD may help you at work, Columbus sounds fun, Google is taking AI too far, dogs eat things their not supposed to more often than you think and it's National First Responder's Day!
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Reese's is going to kill your New Year's resolution, please don't eat candy on the toilet, we're all worried about the election and you have to work a ton to afford a place to rent!
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McDonald's has had a rough week, we make poor choices at night, Subway is kicking the beetus into high hear next month and for the love of all things Holy please wash your hands after using the bathroom.
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Big day out in San Juan Capistrano, a cop in Memphis figures out an extra money hack, an airport in New Zealand goes viral, music may help with surgery pain and watch yourself Saturday at 2:36pm
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We ate an insane amount of sugar every year, bottled water is bad for us now, Wyoming is haunted and your genes may be responsible for your crippling bread addiction.
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Costco's magazine is way bigger than we thought it was, a big meat recall gets bigger, standing a ton is bad for you and ChatGPT has now entered the argument with your spouse!
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AI could make learning history impossible, you've been walking all wrong, some of us are talking about moving after the election, we find a new adult website and Snoop and Dre are teaming up for something they should have done a long time ago!
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Russell Brand is out there grifting, today we celebrate the Straight Edge kids, Krispy Kreme is toasting today's Super Moon, and nobody trusts us.
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Minute Maid screws up, Sweden and Denmark finally get around to not marrying cousins, none of us can pay attention and another heavy workweek for Diddy's lawyers!
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BK is bringing back a fan favorite, 3 Musketeers is pretty proud of themselves, San Bernardino sounds like a dump, robots may help make kids skinny and a Denver man stays on brand.
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Stay out of Memphis, Kraken Rum wants to get you drunk on ice cream, solitude can be good for you, Chick Fil A is bringing back a "classic" and the banks are closed today.
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Today raise a slice to the humble sausage, they're working on breast milk for adults, Americans are unhealthy and some kids may never reach their full potential.
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It takes a lot of money to win an election, Jolly Ranchers has something snazzy headed our way, NYC has the worst rush hour in the world and most of us don't have cash on-hand when we need it!
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Sonic is trying to kill us every Thursday this month, Qantas sounds like a wild airline, ODs are down, curves are in and a YouTuber finds out why we don't text and drive.
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Blimpie's is still out there, Crumbl is branching out, dentists are warning against TikTok veneers, Alaska is cranking out the killers and we're all skeered of WW3
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Some people are eating elephants now, whooping cough is so back, Butterfinger has a new jam for 2025 and Alabama got upset this weekend!
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We can bet on the election, NASA is making moon time a thing, Pink Floyd sold their music, Bank of America and a fat bear in Alaska both had rough weeks and it's National Vodka Day!!
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Hormel is making the bacon cleanup game easier, the dockworkers are on strike, German teens have the worst skin, IHOP rolls out it's Pancake of the Month and Diddy has 120 new reasons he probably won't see the light of day.
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Today we celebrate moist produce, Philadelphia wants onto our cakes, we lost a Picker, Massachusetts has a bunch of geniuses and James Blunt has a neat idea!
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Rocktober baby!! Starbucks is rolling out a new jam, X won't give it to ya, Dr. Pepper is spicing things up this Winter and North Dakota works HARD!
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And poof just like that, September is over.
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ChatGPT is going to lap humanity, country folk don't live as long, we're getting it on at 17, Chips Ahoy! is going big and the middle class are eating all the food stamps!
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Sorry for the delay, updated the computer and it forgot my login info LOL! IT hates me.
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HR people are runnin' their mouths, Spirit Halloween is taking us down memory lane, Motel 6 was sold and it turns out men's brains shrink around 8pm!
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Ecuador sounds horrible, a new scam is trying to scare money out of your pockets, slap fighting is bad mmmmmkay and Little Caesar's has a brand new treat!
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Some people are pumped about the economy, women are cooler with no money than the fellas, this years Toy Hall of Fame inductees is announced and Starbucks has a new Fall treat!
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Celebrate the trades today, Tupperware is screwed, Coke is teaming up with booze again, we love one cookie more than the rest and hey, it's my 10th anniversary!
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Half of Gen Z hates TikTok, the older heads are really playing fast and loose with the bedroom activities, we're all max stressed right now and it's Talk Like A Pirate Day!
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Clean up your house and your health may clean up too, some kids have zero friends, YouTubers are trying to take down Lunchables, Diddy is in jail and time to eat some dirt!
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Keto may be awful for you afterall, marriages last longer in one state, we know zilch about the female body, McDonald's is keeping things cheap and RFK Jr.....has a dead animal thing I guess?
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All is not well with Jane's Addiction, we're getting new emojis, schools are cracking down on vaping in the bathroom and we may have an even better weight loss drug headed our way!
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Oooooh girl it is Friday the 13th!!!!
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Dave Grohl is having himself a week, USC gives us even more reason to watch for scams, Oklahoma sounds heavenly and we used a literal mountain of wireless data last year
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WalletHub tells us how to stretch that $100 bill, Big Lots is done, Apple wants $1500 of your dollars and it's Hot Cross Buns Day!
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Loneliness is even worse for you than we thought, an Arizona woman finds a missing Lego piece, Maui is in, Paris is out and HIIT may be good for you in the marathon department!
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We love gossip, you can pick up a relationship on Strava now, we're missing out on minerals and we're getting a Mini McFlurry!
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The ultra-rich are taking all our money, dogs biting mailmen is still a thing, a man has an awful case of the trots, things are bad at Boar's Head and Little Caesar's wants to come over!
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Phones don't give you brain tumors after all, Miami and Orlando are retirement hotspots, crypto owners are psychos, Hawk Tuah has a podcast and football is back babayyyyy!!!!
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Today we celebrate the Newsies, Barbie and Krispy Kreme are celebrating, skincare is for our 20s and Taco Bell is classing up the joint if you have the app!
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Microplastics are in our brains, Capri Sun is rocking the boat, we're too tired to cook but can benefit from sleeping in more on the weekends, Burning Man sounds "fun" and there is a snack trade show we need to go to!!!
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Happy Labor Day Weekend one and all!
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Hello Kitty has a tasty anniversary treat, Lyft is taking trips for pets, Taco Bell may be tapping out on breakfast, it's cuffing season and today we celebrate Chop Suey..
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A thirsty teacher is in trouble, kids have trouble with their thirsty kids, Montana has some stuff to see apparently, a fella is burnin' heaters on a plane and North Dakota is the harder working out of all of us!
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Hostess is getting in the Halloween spirit, Columbus is our new all-American hot spot, Abrosexuality is a thing, TV is killing us and it's hotter than Hell this week!
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Flip phones are making a comeback, Kraft is getting bold for Fall, 15 mins is all that is keeping you from a better life, Instagram is going old school social media and today is all about the dog.
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Apparently meat can shackle you with Type 2 now, if you're 42 it's time to pack your bags, Liquid Death has a lousy-sounding new flavor and slow down on those FitBit steps buddy!
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AI may start inbreeding, Bennifer is no longer, all of us are looking for a new gig and none of us are having kids....
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Lays is taking you around the World, your computer may be able to smell now, we have a new World's Oldest Person, kids aren't drinking these days and you may be able to hear in a coma!
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A Bolivian tribe may hold the secret to long life, we may have an AI attack this week, CEO sounds like the job to go after and today we celebrate National Radio Day!
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North Korea may be opening up for vacation plans, more than 4 cups of coffee a day is no bueno, Little Debbie is going hard this Fall and today we celebrate soft ice cream!
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Bro it is HOT this year, Burning Man is having a bad year, RFK Jr. is looking for a gig, shelters sound wild in New Zealand and Dad jokes are good for your kids!
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A wild collector car is getting sold down in Indy, inflation is making up care for our cars better, Chick Fil A is bringing back a spicy sammy and Home Depot says we're all screwed!
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Subway has a deal for you this week, moderate drinking does older folks no good, we're getting plenty sick of Pumpkin Spice, and having a goon cave could be the best thing you do for your health!
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A woman in China has it figured out, Arby's has a new Summer treat, your old memes are killing the environment, uggos don't live as long and belly up to the bar for a bowl of Candy Salad.
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Schools are getting kids hip to fake news spotting, Julius Caesar had a cologne that probably worked better than Axe, the Olympics are done and it's Vinyl Record Day!
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Costco is cracking down on outsiders, nightmares may mean something other than wheat we thought, a couple of criminals make the Index and ISIS messes with the wrong fanbase!
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The rover in Paris sounds puketastic, Google has had a very expensive week, Arby's is coming for that wallet, we all hate AI and Pop Tarts has your party plans covered.
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Totally spaced on uploading this yesterday.
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Hurricane Debby is raising Hell, 7-11 is jumping into the Pumpkin Spice game, we crave the spicy, Hormel has a new bacon flavor and stocks are down I guess?
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Chipotle gets a bit more generous, Ford is making snitches, dark chocolate is out, White Castle is in and things were rather warm last month!
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A&W getting real loose this Summer, Taco Bell could really use some AI, lame names are still tops, FAU wants you to dial it down at the gym and today kicks off a weekend with International Beer Day
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McDonald's is having a rough time, we're feeling more confident about the financial future, we're all skippin g meals, Applebee's never heard of Red Lobster and Boar's Head is having a bad week at the deli counter lol
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Just realized as I am uploading this today is the last day of July. Suck City.
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Doing GoFundMe is hard work, Kraft wants those arteries clogged, business is big on campus, the barcode celebrates a birthday and a kid in Nebraska is in big trouble.
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The Earth is cooking, we may soon be able to fold out iPhones, Facebook sucks and today we celebrate the World's Finest Food!
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We learned a very interesting faux pas we've all been making out entire lives with regards to the Olympics!
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Snoop Dogg is all-in on the Olympics, Texas is swelling, the Weinermobile at an oopsie-daisy and we learned all about whisker fatigue!
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Repos are up, Chick Fil A is down, Kellogg's is sweetening your coffee game, DQ has a deadly starting 5 for Fall and man...today is National Tequila Day.
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We love our plain ice cream, Montana is home to a 72 year old badass, none of us are going to be watching the Olympics, Smoky is 80 and today we tip our hats to the hot Grannies!
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Sex is out, the Middle East is cooking, Carl's Jr. has an awful shake idea, Tropicana is ripping people off and Joe is out!
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A couple of generations define themselves by their travel, Skittles has a new jam, half of us are gonna stay sick if we get sick, Arby's assaults your underpants and UCLA likes to get lifted!
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The Barstool guy gets stranded, loads of us are piling on the side hustles, the Dow is up, Target doesn't want your checks anymore and it's National Dole Whip Day!
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There is a moon cave, Elon says he's an alien, 2080 is going to be crowded AF, Sour Patch Kids want your teeth and today we celebrate an American Classic!
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AI is sucking up a ton of power, we buy a truckload of new clothes every year, the Baja Blast Summer rolls on, mail is going up and the price of coke is going down!
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Back after an extended weekend! We lost a ton of celebrities over the weekend, I went on a helluva motorcycle ride, we recognize the worst puddling flavor ever and not a ton of us feel like college is worth the money!
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There is a guy with a hilarious name in Ohio, McDonald's and Subway are ruining my Summer diet, Gypsy Rose is pregnant and we're a tired, tired bunch!
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Applebee's has a treat for the working man, we set a flight record last Sunday, the World will start ending sooner then we'd like and today tip back a Pina Colada!
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Today we celebrate dimples, Palm Springs is frying this week, coffee is getting more expensive every year, your fat face may give you away to your doctors and Chipotle is getting you hyped for Paris '24!
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Those new weight loss drugs may clean your whole life up, some of us are planning on having a spicy Summer, Kansas City holds the BBQ crown and the kids these days are not down with movie filth!
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We're blasting off into a four day weekend....depending on how cool the banks are with that direct deposit lol
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A casino in Detroit is stingy AF, majority of us make big purchases we regret, cats are getting lab grown chicken, Massachusetts is pricey and Walmart has a super poor sounding treat!
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Man, already July? Feels like Summer is slipping right through our fingers!
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The kids love moving, none of trust the media and it may be my fault, dogs make great movie biddies and Hungry Howie's needs to start selling breath mints!
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Today is the day PornHub pulled up stakes in Indiana. Pour one out.
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InfoWars is being dismantled, NASA has some creepy news about asteroids, we have the Bahamas at home and Pizza Hut is bringing back the GOAT!
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Even the richies are living paycheck to paycheck, watch out for Ozempic knock-offs, Krispy Kreme has limited edition freedom and Hot Ones has it's own booze!
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It was hotter than hot this weekend, your love of the java may depend on your DNA, I finally saw a Cybertruck in the wild and also I did a great job as pit crew for a bike race this weekend!
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Subway is going hard this Summer, if you're under 40 you're rich, Red Robin gets it's gold, Ecuador is missing out on the Hawk Tuah girl and we feel older than we are. Much older.
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Lay's is running back a fan favorite, Mountain Dew is having a wild Summer, we feel older than we are, Pizza Hut wants deeper into your pockets and it's officially Summer today!
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Hey, it's the last day of Spring! Newsmax ain't doing too well, Pineapple Pepsi was a thing and it's back, intermittent fasting may help you whoop cancer and Pizza Hut is running back a classic!
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There is a wanted bear in California, DQ has a new Summer treat, hybrid workers are happiest, bike lanes are the best and Texas cops made a gross discovery
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Gordon Ramsey had a bad bike trip, facially expressive people are better liked, the Hamptons are swimming in poo and a Brooklyn man needs to calm himself down man....
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Nick Cannon's Fathers Day sounds wild, things are getting too spicy in Denmark, we have a battle of the heavyweights coming this fall and KFC is out of their minds!
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Bro, soon we're ALL gonna be on Ozempic, Apple is making sleaziness easier, 7-Eleven and Drumstick create an unholy alliance, KFC has the Summer vibes and June 27 is going to be a bad day in Indiana.
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We have twin baby elephants, celebrate jerky (if you can afford it), guys will do anything to avoid talking about our health, working out at night may help your sugarbeetis and the Rangers are swinging a bit pipe this Summer!
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AI is already starting to turn evil, Taco Bell is testing new sexiness out in the Motor City, Walmert is falling on some hard times and today we celebrate our Forklift Certified heroes!
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A Phish fan gets the boot, Ben and Jen are selling their crib, most of us are all in on true love, a bad sheep joke and there is are black market Legos now?!
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Sleep is a luxury, PBR wants us to have the Summer of Scoots, we celebrate the VCR and all of us are carrying more than a few bucks in debt!
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A remote Amazon tribe is getting a goon cave, Domino's is on Uber Eats, tonight the NBA Finals tip off and Reese's won't stop until we're all disabled.
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Crumbl is going large, only a few of us sleep well, the Tyson fight is postponed and CEOs are doing well these days
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Oil is going up, Panda Express is cranking up the heat, a load of people have no idea how to ride a bike, Ticketmaster is having a bad week and DQ has a new treat!
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BW3 has a new jam, Gen Z kids are living double lives, we all clean before vacation, we are worn the hell out with politics and Lenny Kravitz is a HUGE liar!
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Dinosaurs may have been dumbasses, we could be living forever sooner than we thought, the World's Oldest Trucker has been crowned, Hardee's has new bowl paint and Hot N' Ready has been a thing way longer than we thought!
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Bragging about your hours ain't cool bro, another billionaire wants a swing at the Titanic, hot dogs are gonna end us and if they don't Crumble will.
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Big city dating sounds horrendous, old guys are hanging onto their keys, Welch's is getting into the booze game and kids all have ADHD now.....which could mean something nice for you
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Memorial Day weekend here we come!
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Graceland may be up for grabs, microplastics are infesting your boys, we have 10 extraordinary days a month. fish oil may be killing you and for the love of God people USE YOUR PTO TIME
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Kid Rock is very Kid Rock these days, music peaked in 2011, Pittsburgh has buried cocaine, climate change is coming for us all and how would you like to pay with your face??
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We're going to start living longer, apparently kids on social media start vaping more often (wut?) kids are using Zyn for weight loss, Pringles is upping their game and OpenAI sounds safe....
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Another check in the win column for separate bedrooms, Bakersfield has a problem bro, Taylor Swift has a hickey, we are down about the economy and McDonalds has a new McFlurry starting tomorrow!
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David Copperfield is having a terrible time, Pizza Hut veers wildly out of their lane, there is a difference between a trip and a vacation and today we celebrate the humble walnut!
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We have anew SI Swimsuit Edition, working nights not only sucks but may be making you fat, being in prison sounds cushy, Bumble has to apologize and raw milk people are nuts!
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Back after a riveting day of mandatory company culture training!
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Police in an Ohio town are taking a massive gamble to save a few bucks, ultra-processed foods are gonna kill you but cutting back won't help, we need to drink more water and what is happening with our older folks?
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Wham. Today marks 14 years of JLNK. Thanks babes!
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The Index got interrupted by some phantom bass waves. "Phantom" ones that apparently happen every day lol.
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Ladies have screwed up a good thing, times are tight at Tesla, Utah is tops again, Britney Spears is doing fine and grab a Coke buddy!
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We're getting a Fast & The Furious ride, some of us thing E.T. was a horror movie, uh, it's "German Week," and Lindt wants all you candy money!
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A Pennsylvania man goes Florida, we do not care about that "check engine" light, Starbucks is having a rough 2024 and KFC is bringing the sexual heat this Summer!
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Nude cruises are apparently a thing, Taco Bell is back to testing tasty goodies, when it comes to your home smell is more important than cleanliness and Sonic and Applebee's are teeing up a pretty rad Summer!
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Krispy Kreme wants to reward you, some of us our Sour kings and queens, Chuck E Cheese is pretty full of themselves these days and my simple hack to save on life insurance.
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The Great Lakes need some cleaning, Taco Bell is working on something new, Qdoba has a vendetta against clean underpants and bruhhhh April is already over!
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Turns out we don't blow that much on concert shirts, nearly half of us fear a four day workweek, Perrier is having a bad start to the weeks, celebrate the Scampi and I got a new appliance over the weekend!
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Hooters has a new jam, Oreo does too, kids today be vapin and drankin' it up, White Claw is turning up this Summer and we're all gonna need glasses soon!
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Great news, you're not old (yet, Ritz has a new flavor, farmers need to tone down their cows, TikTok's days are numbered and it's NFL draft night!!!
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50 Cent thinks he can beat a guy's ass, Trader Joe's has some luxurious garlic bread, Sprite has a new flavor and we are getting dumber. All of us.
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Denny's has a new jam, Starbucks' baristas reveal their favorite drinks, fast food prices are getting too damned high, Digiorno is giving you the best of both frozen worlds and Crumbl is making Mondays a little sweeter!
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Morgan Wallen is starting his apology tour, Stanley and Starbucks want all of your money, weed may protect your brain and it's Earth Day!
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Popeye's is getting in the 420 spirit, we hate making financial moves, West Virginia has the jobs, Tesla is having a rough week and hug a Lineman today!
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We no sleep. We stress big. Reese's is getting into the Olympic spirit, fake girlfriends are going to be huge business and NASA has it's next Mars simulator crew!
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Lunchables may be bad for you, kids have about a half hour attention span, we all fall for tourist traps and don't buy sex toys off of Facebook!
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Tax day baby! Guys need to do better with our oral hygiene, golf season has started, apparently we want to sleep with robots and our pets give us all the joy apparently.
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O.J. died, chocolate will soon only be for the elite, working out in the evening may be just what you need and bro, we eat some serious grilled cheese in this country.
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Some of us haven't felt healthy in a year, writing down your anger might help you out a bit, we have a new pickle treat, Panera is making huge menu changes and being lonely could lead you down a darker path....one that could end in having your own radio show!
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iPhone privacy is not a thing, Nature Made had made gummy vitamins even less attractive, Walmart was caught overcharging, I finally got a lawnmower and it turns out, mathematically retirement may be impossible!
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Morgan Wallen had a rough weekend, Pat Sajak has hosted his final show, Crocs and Kellogg's have teamed up for clown shoes, Borat is single and man, how about that eclipse?!
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Back after vacation! If you know one thing about this show it's that we NEVER miss an eclipse!
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Just a quick programming note: We're off until April 8. Your regularly scheduled Index will be back rested, relaxed and in full mediocrity!
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The stock market is up, Diddy is having a pretty bad time these days (lol), Crown Royal Blackberry is a thing and man oh man if I hit the Powerball this is your last index ever!
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Kevin Bacon is doing something cool for 40 years of "Footloose," we love our snacks and we're loyal as Hell to them, church is down, the Mega Millions tonight is up. Way, way up.
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Stephen A is out there talking wild about baked potatoes, we have child bank robbers in Texas, Oreo has a new flavor, we find our first grays around the same time and we are no loner very happy as a country.
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Journey has had a huge week, most dudes know we stink, Baja Blast celebrates an anniversary and man oh man, what a bad week for a guy named Othani!
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Back after a brief mid-week break! Bad news for dudes over 25, Trader Joe's bags are apparently a hot item, Chipotle is giving the people what they want and it's tourney time baby!!
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We have a new (gross) beer headed our way, we have a new fattest city, Easter is getting pricey, a drunk in England does the breathalyzer the wrong way and it's National Sloppy Joe Day!!
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Aaron Rodgers may be a Vice President one day, rats are getting stoned in NOLA, some of us admit to digging the house to ourselves, you can apparently learn how to be happy and sad week for Dollar Tree....
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We're treating our 401k poorly, Deadspin is dead again, we have zero clue what we're doing with taxes, Little Caesar's has a new tasty treat and inflation is BACK!
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Fake news is heating up on the internet, Zanzibar sounds like a buck wild place around dinner time, men will NEVER give up meat, Google has a new supercomputer and daily weed use could kill you it turns out.
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Kids are getting priced out of groceries, Aldi may be their solution, ladies' shower time is important, carbs may be ruining you romantically and some Chiefs fans are idiots.
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It's a special day for one Western state, Oscar Meyer is going meatless, clown makeup is bad at the gym, Pittsburgh has a nude bowling event next month and it's Daylight Saving Time this weekend, ugh!
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Bananas are holding steady in these uncertain times, Orcas are out there killing for fun, a fella is covering se Vegas fun up to his wife and we learn about "Playstation Neck."
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Indiana has a pot problem, half of us feel manly pressure, we're using social media for landscaping ideas, the Big Mac guy keeps cranking and Detroit was hot on Monday!
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Anxiety meds are something you'd get anxiety for taking, Kenosha, Wisconsin is throwing it back to the 90s, Wyoming is one giant house-fire risk and jury duty went well yesterday for me. Not the defendant.
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Panera has some new treats priced for the working man, kids are scared of tax season, Oregon wants out of the drug business, gold is up and I have jury duty this afternoon. Boo!
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Hazah, the first day of March! I may have jury duty this weekend, it's employee appreciation day, Wendy's is acting right after backlash, Pringles is pleasing the fans and America has a new favorite snack. I refuse to believe adults eat these.
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It only happens once every 4 years. That's right, a Leap Day Index!
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Ketamine may help you out of your hole, Wendy's wants to start a riot in the streets, Florida woman is making midweek moves, having a six pack ain't all it's cracked up to be and Kellogg's wants you to save money but eating cereal for dinner. Yeesh.
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Stanley is in some hot (possibly contaminated) water, we have an owl down in Central Park, Ann Arbor rules, seniors love VR, teens love their phones more and the uglier you are the more time you're doing.
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We'd never survive life on Mars, mosquitoes have a new horrifying illness they're bringing to the States, being out of work in Utah is rough, your tasty treats are killing you and parent's give the dating green light when you're 16!
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Red Lobster didn't bank on all of us being land monsters, our brains are making us look like fools, over half of us are taking in tunes on YouTube, we have a new biggest snake and yesterday was a rough day for AT&T
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Coke has a new limited edition flavor, A&W is making the most of their off season, MGK has new ink, Chuck E. Cheese is wildin' out, the laziest cities in the U.S. get outed and Stanley has a sexy new cup!
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We ghost interviews, the job, the employer, all of it. Women get more out of the gym than men, loads of people are hitting 65 this year, some of us poop without coffee assistance and today we celebrate an overrated sweet treat!
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Bad news if you're a Steel Reserve drinker, Miami hates Spring Break, cats are bad negotiators, my furnace woes are over for the week and a Congressman in Texas has website problems. Or does he?
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The Daytona 500 got delayed, math is exciting until it isn't, old guys misuse emojis, cold beer could be out in Tennessee and it's President's Day!
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Jason skipped the awards banquet, we're spending too much time alone, Red Lobster has free lobster, we skip breaks and holding hands is good for you!
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Thailand is cracking down on something but not the something that they should, a radio guy is in big trouble, your ugly mug on dating apps could be helping someone else and a shark in NC has some explaining to do!
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The Apple headset may ruin your brain, Alaskapox is apparently a thing you can die from, your face may be giving away a lot about you, Romans were trippin', and it's Fat Tuesday yo!
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We have a new metal band name, how you smell can say a lot about your health, the FCC is cracking down on robocalls....sort of and what a game last night!
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The country's most expensive digs are up for sale, we're trashing the moon, we're consumed by work, dissatisfied with our lives...basically everything is fine lol!
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Bears that are high on drugs are a huge issue in Florida, first impressions on a date include what you're wearing, rinning high is fantastic, Applebee's wants more of your cash and we have the World's Largest Goldfish!
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The NFL is headed South, way, way South, General Mills is making extreme cereal, sitting around all day at work will find you in an early grave, deviled eggs are bad luck (?) and we're in debt up to our eyeballs.
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All is not well in the Mahomes camp, New Jersey is host a World Cup Final, we love our appetizers, our soup rules this weather, Elon Musk sounds like anightmare boss and today make the web a safer place!
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Wild hogs may be healthy for the land, Stanley has some words about the lead in those cups, Subway has a foot long hit on it's hands and Red Robin has something for the ladies...
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Old produce is worth big money, one state is dirtier than the rest, and Happy Groundhog Day!!
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High five your eye doctor, the kids love boozin' at home, your grandparents are splitting up, Burger King is getting sexy this week and stay hungry my friend, it could keep dementia at bay!
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You're supposed to be planning a vaca today, big boobs are out for 2024, some people just love conflict, the White House is cracking down on AI nudes and we are all gonna die if aliens ever show up!
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Sextortion is not as fun as it sounds, cleanliness is only important to half of us, half of us are coughing it all up to landlords, AI porn is having quite a weekend and more soup being thrown at the poor Mona Lisa!
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These planes are falling apart, the Doomsday Clock is ticking closer to the end of humanity, streaming is killing our wallets, we love our Apple pie and today we celebrate the redneckiest of all the states!
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Half of us are alarm clock liars, Norway is a nice place to kick back when it's all over, Tesla is down, an NBA star is out and a whole lot of us consider divorce in the first 6 months after we're married.
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Remember writing things by hand? Me neither! Some of us still don't own a TV, we fold out laundry on the bed, we tailgate and we all hate self-checkout!
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Kevin came into town this weekend, the Pack is out, we may have to pay for the big game someday, some guy in Turkey is having a lousy go of it and GO DETROIT!!
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Plants talk to each other, we need about $100K to not freak out, man boobs will eventually kill you, laws are getting tweaked in Kentucky, Kraft is upping their flavor game and LIONS BABY!
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We may have an ever worse strain of COVID on the way, sleeping in the nude is best for your sex lives, Taco Bell is getting into the cereal game, say "I love you" with a pickle bouquet and today we celebrate the Mitten State!
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Texans are about to be filth balls, we could have a trillionaire soon, another cruise another case of norovirus, raise a glass to the bootleggers and we're not having kids these days...
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It's still damned cold out, podcast listening is down, we aren't at our best very often, some folks are using LinkedIn for romance and Gary Busey is still out there in the wild.
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A Cleveland man is the hero we all need, Ozempic has an awful side effect, the Cowboys got HOUSED yesterday, we love our food and yes bro, it was COLD this weekend!
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We are done with fashion in this country, three coaches hung it up this week, Aaron Rodgers is done with TV for 2024, McD's is trying to kill us and the LIONS BABY!!!
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Miller Lite thinks they're "helping" with Dry January, White Sox fans go hard, we see ourselves in our pets, United Airlines' terrible week continues and pour one out for Buzzfeed....
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Diets are hard, working out with a partner is worse, living in the sticks may be good for your health, West Virginia sounds awful and we have a Most Dangerous Gas Station In America!
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Tiger and Nike are now divorced, WingStop is doing Dry January, so is Blue Moon, Baja Blast turns 20 and we love leather jackets?
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The only thing that matters today is it's Jason Lee's birthday! Like, his actual birthday, not the floating one he uses as an excuse to skip work parties...
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The mouthwash game is changing, Britney Spears is looking for a new line of work, two States have banned the online nudes...sort of, we know how to get fit we just don't want to and Jason's Dry January continues!
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Smells can really take you back to a simpler time, that PM slump is real boiiiii, most of us are good boys and girls and someone in Michigan won the Powerball!
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Parents want to be called by their first names, over half of us are done with resolutions, be careful with your mushrooms, turtles are down, men's fannies are up!
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And that's a wrap for 2023! Thanks for listening this year, we'll be back on 1/2/24!
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Working at Gallup sounds easy as Hell, social media is killing your career, a dude sets a super lame Guinness record, half of us lie about where we are and Taylor Swift is chugging out some serious carbon!
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The Pistons are in a bad way, we use LOADS of plastic bags every year, we eat a 4th meal worth of snacks, hate talking with people on public transportation and today we celebrate one of the most erotically named dishes!
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Taylor Swift grossed the most this year, we think our guests may secretly more stoked about seeing our pets than us, we spend a load of time planning for the holidays, Tesla is having a bad week and if you're a morning person you may be a caveman!
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Well scientists can read our thoughts now, A woman on TikTok is urging us to ban the bra, text messages are a pain, never, EVER stifle a sneeze and we get some very bad news about affording the American Dream.
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Ocean Spray has entered the cocktail game, Florida woman is just as wild as Florida man, fries are king on DoorDash and OMG IT'S TAYLOR'S BIRTHDAY!!
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Sears is back, we're all going to be broke next year, some of us have wild retirement hopes, White Claws is doing something odd and Taylor Swift is swimming in it!
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We're pretty strict in first date chemistry, we miss the good ol' days, High Life is helping you decorate, Instagram may help a few of us drop the holiday lbs and the Lions need to get their stuff together.
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Taco Bell has answered our Christmas wishes, women want cash for Christmas, justice is sweet in Ohio, being married may kill you and we have a new illness headed our way!
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Gen Zers wanna work for themselves, our pets are killing our sleep, Florida man wear his resume on his shirt, we have 3 specific Xmas candies and most of us still choose love over money!
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We're not much into the movie theater these days, we all flush things we're not supposed to, cats may be driving you insane and bro today is the company Christmas party!!
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Today we celebrate ninjas everywhere, find out what dating costs these days, sex scenes are down, catching a spouse cheating is up and bad kids need to seek shelter tonight!
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Someone is getting canned at The Lob, bedtime is better than sleeptime, George Santos is out, Dice is in and my wife has left for business so I'm unattended!
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Holy heck it's already December. Well that is gonna depress me all weekend.
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White Castle hates underpants, kids ask an astounding number of questions, Guy Fieri is making mucho bucks, AI is coming to get us all and today we celebrate the humble METH
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Peace Tea is going HARD, TJ Maxx is irresistible, Jack's Links wants to stop you up this holiday season, Disneyland turns a dude on too much and man, we spent ALL the dough on Black Friday!
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Kids are getting heftier these days, the turtles are having less sex, loads of you psychos wear socks to bed, Star Wars is everywhere and it's time to give baby, JUST GIVE!!
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Some of us open other's mail, a band breaks up onstage, Millennial needs half a milly, cheating could be good for your marriage and we have a new Chapstick flavor nobody asked for.
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Last Index until next week, have a great holiday!
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Denny's in Cali sounds amazing, we want to go vacation alone, whiskey is a hobby I cannot afford, almost all of us are happily married and today we celebrate the humble television.
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Short work week! Big meeting of the minds for MNF tonight, Hidden Valley is kicking up the Ranch game, 5 cities are big on cheating and one state is drowning in debt and it's not us!!
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Apologies, forgot to click "upload" before I yeeted off to a beer festival last weekend.
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We are a lonely bunch, Red Lobster is sexing things up, Thanksgiving may KILL you, Patrick Mahomes has an odd gameday superstition and today is our day Indiana!
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Florida mating rituals are NOT for kids' eyes, we're quite a thankful bunch, men are dying earlier, NASA lost some tools this week and today we celebrate one of the tastiest dessert of all time!
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New toys made it into the Hall of Fame, sleeping is the new fad exercise, TikTok is out in one country, we're getting used to inflation and our country's credit is in the dumper.
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Florida women be wildin', twas a bad weekend for the MCU, we have a new perfume that could cause issues for you at work, Walmart is being sensitive and I get my van back today!
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Not having social media makes you sus to the ladies, McDonald's is kicking the freeloaders out, Puddle of Mudd get banned from Flint and grown-ass men are dining off the kids menu?
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Doctors may have been messing up your blood pressure, some of us are ruining sleep for our partner, Tarzan is in and so are ants on a log!!
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Saginaw is a pretty dangerous place, Goodwill in Arizona sounds wild AF, Taco Bell has a "new" item, diabetes leads to depression and Little Caesars is bringing back a classic. I think it's a classic. Maybe not. Maybe just for me.
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Nelly was right if he was talking about climate change, Russia is, well, Russia, gamers are not exactly raking it in and some of you psychos have already started Christmas shopping.
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You only need 4 things for relationship bliss, two guys in China are in huge trouble, 5 year plans are out, some of us have an odd definition of cheating and the NFL is back!!!
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Many of us are missing one kind of friend, Taco Bell is trying to class it up, we have a new STD to watch out for and Pringles is jumping on the Everything bandwagon.
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Back after a long Labor Day weekend! Body hair is back in, wolves are back too! Whining is out, cheese is getting expensive and Twitter needs to slow it's roll bro....
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Burger King is in trouble, Chick-Fil-A is just giving it away, being a new parent is hella exhausting and there is a guy out there peeing in sinks....that aren't his!
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Ozempic may be a wonder drug, idiots are still out there looking for Nessie, we hate three foods, love foreign objects a bit too much and Fireball is getting fancy!
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Athletes are endorsing mayonnaise, Florida is gonna be wiped out, Dallas is going to get fried, we get a new place to use sunscreen and Britney's ex thinks he is going to be famous now lol
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Vasectomies are up, booze for the Gen Zers is down, Subway is being bought, Bab Barker is gone, we are a stressed bunch and the coop was completed!
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A Florida town is being terrorized, Mississippi goes hard at the concession stand, a new robot wants to get you hammered, climate change is ruining your home value and Kevin is coming to town!
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Ladies, wash your makeup utensils, Oscar Mayer needs to reel it in a bit, Amanda Bynes is out, Peach Pie is in and most of us are pretty OK with us.
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We love our solitude, we got a new Navy ship, delivery food is down, tablet use is up, Harry Styles wants to help you get laid and we're all going to get heat stroke this week!
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Burning Man is cheaper than ever, things are not going well at Twitter/X, shaving your bits is a very dangerous deed, weed and boozer are up, degrees are down and we don't even know our own towns!
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Old Man Ernie's softball team makes the index, Florida woman doing Florida woman things, we celebrate the seniors today, Jason misses jury duty and Kid Rock drinks Bud Light!
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Mortgage rates are heading to the damned moon, the Gulf is boiling, we don't wash walls, don't go to the doctor when something hurts.....so yeah, things are going great!
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We love our drugs and alcohol, furries get violent, women don't like the morning sex, we all have big travel plans next year and we celebrate my favorite beverage today!
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Some of us would cheat for a stack of cash, pet owners are a gullible bunch, men say those three words faster than the ladies do and some of feel like our job is worthless.
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Life is rough for public officials, Morgan Wallen gets a shave, IHOP is throwing a party, we spend big on wedding pictures, we celebrate the humble creamsicle and thumbs down on inflation!
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Cheating sounds like it is worth it, we spend a ton of dough on terrible food, half of us feel healthcare in this country is fine and parents think kids need to play music!
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We waste 8 minutes at work on Tinder, scientists have figured out how to best slow cook a human, Popeye's is hooking it up this weekend, Moms feel the heat and I'm dogsitting this weekend!
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We're getting priced out of new cars, thieves in Indy sound nerdy as Hell, COVID could make you face-blind and we may finally get the weight loss pill we've been waiting for!
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One of our favorite ladies is single again, we drink a boatload of smoothies, pork is up, nudes are down and we have a new record tastiest gin!
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Zoom is a bit two-faced, Tennessee loves it's desserts, Baby Boomers are splitting up more often, WW3 may be closer than we thought and it's all about the Mega Millions tonight baby!
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Taco Bell is bringing a classic out of retirement, the US Women are out, money matters to Millennials, they caught the foot weirdo and some folks feel like their jobs are worthless.
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Getting a car loan isn't getting any easier, August sky is going to be cray, apparently some of y'all love Axe Body Spray, TV is down and the Mega Millions is way, way, way up!
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Humanity may be ending, Taco Bell is getting called out, school supplies are through the roof, Costco has a terrible idea, loneliness may ruin your brain and today we celebrate the IPA.
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South Korea has um....some "farming issues," Wisconsin wants these children at a job ASAP, we love reading, people are spending a couple bucks to have someone do their dirty work and Twitter has a lot of nerve!
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Phoenix is on some ishhhh this month, your sex robot could turn on you, California is team No Sleep, SPAM goes to Flavortown and today we celebrate the Avocado!
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We spend a nice wad on impulse buys every month, Subway wants your name, Hulk Hogan is engaged brother, Aldi released it's greatest hits for 2023 and we're sunning wild with syphillis
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Teens are staying off the road, Spotify is having a rough week, Phoenix' hot streak continues, Florida is boiling now too and it's National Chili Dog Day!!
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Kids may be bad for your doggo, scientists are getting this "live a long life" thing dialed in, we're getting a mountain of new emojis, Tom Brady isn't making news and it's either all or nothing!
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A new STD pill is backfiring, Phoenix continues to bake, UPS is gonna strike, a Fench town has the best idea ever, Elon Musk continues his hot streak and today raise your wine glass!
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Barbie has a bonkers weekend, Aloe may be killing us, a load of people are still cool with lighting up at home and we spend a load on delivery! Last week of July LFG!
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Massachusetts has a sexy bird statue, Natty Light and Sperry have teamed up (WTF?) we need space sex answers, we lie about gym time and we celebrate our favorite food today!
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A Texas woman sasses the wrong people, Taco Tuesday is for The People, half of doggos get to sleep in bed, Phoenix is cooking and Krispy Kreme wants you dead.
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The Canadian smoke is back, loads of us have left because of a boss, overseas travel ain't that pricey, old iPhones are apparently worht loads of cash and we have a new single lady!
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Loads of us work in a toxic office, we're becoming more eco-friendly this year, some people are about to die in Death Valley, Indiana's water sucks, nobody here won Powerball and drive safe, Memphis!
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Florida steakhouses sound like Hell on Earth, the FDA has approved a new pill, groping in Italy is cool apparently and the Powerball is so swole bro....
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A bad week for Detroit and Baltimore, kids are bored every day of the week, we celebrate the humble nude, inflation is slowing and Aaron Rodgers is gonna be on Hard Knocks!
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BK has a wild new sammy overseas, most of us are walking around with a broken phone, loads of us have been through a sleep divorce and tonight is a big night in the sky!
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Mega Millions let everyone down last night, Dog The Bounty Hunter is shocking nobody, Scorpios are big spenders and AOL is stealing from our elders!!!
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A bad guy is having a bad time in prison, Alex Jones is still a lunatic, New Yorkers are rude on the internet, don't do everything you see on TikTok and Happy Prime Day!
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We have a pickle war brewing, Sonic is rolling into Walmart, Nevada is dealing with a pervert, Arizona is deep frying and shark attacks are running real hot for 2023....
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Golden Corral is weighing your take out, we're on Threads, not into being rich anymore, Milennials are huge liars and it's hot AF this week!
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We love us some BBQ festivities, fewer 40 somethings are getting married, 7-11 has bling now, we have a new social media outlet and soon we may FINALLY get flying cars!
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And *poof Just like that June is over! Have a great holiday!
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Cocaine is up, clean air is down, you can stay in Barbie's DreamHouse, menu anxiety is a thing, Taco Bell is crushing it this Summer and 4th of July is gonna be a ghost town around here!
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Oh goodie, Malaria is back! Arby's is bringing back a classic, church is down, blackouts are up and Ryan Seacrest is taking all of our jobs!!!
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Kids are having a tough go of it these days, we're going to have an octopus farm, sex helps you sleep (duh) ladies have some old bras and the chocolate treat may be getting much more expensive!
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It was a big week for Vienna, the FDA wants a fat slab of lab meat, Florida man has an odd shopping list, Kevin Costner's wife has needs bruh and billionaire's are gonna duke it out.
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The kids these days aren't into live sports, loads of us have no idea what our credit score is, Florida has a meth island, Rodgers is tripping and today we celebrate the HVAC Tech
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It's finally the first day of Summer! We have an office "cleaning party" today, an Ohio woman ain't parting with her werewolf, we want our shopping malls back, Taco Bell has Summer fashion on the way and the robots are coming for OUR jobs!
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Things are gonna get hot in Texas this week, tons of us are depressed, the government is covering up UFO crashes, we think Biden is too old and we hate the internet!!! Rabble rabble rabble!
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Florida doesn't want you to move in, getting groundwater is messing with the actual Earth, some of us forget to brush, White Castle has Summer Scoots on the mind and we give a LOAD to charity in this country!
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American Airlines is making you feel as poor as they can, kids are cutting down on credit card usage and popping more pills, a house for sale has the new title of "World's Most Expensive" and don't forget Dad on Sunday!
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Inflation is slowing down, kids are unprepared to deal with finances, seeing a ghost could mean you have a leaky house, we're drinking more than we have since the Civil War and Pat Sajak is hanging it up!
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BK is coming after your underwear, fake porn is running wild, what you're watching could be ruining you day and today we celebrate bourbon!
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Florida continues to sound like a 3rd world country, kids today be trippin more, lock up your Pokemon cards, Chick Fil A is restoring a classic and working with machines can be rough on your brain!
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Sunday morning is dangerous as Hell, your family may be keeping you fat, Red Lobster brings back a classic, Britney may be on meth and we have a new King of Beers!
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A third of Millennials cannot wait to check their phone, Canada is ruining our rock and roll weekend, Taco Bell is turning up the heat and so is Fireball!
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Yellowstone wants you to stop being dumb, breastfeeding could make class a breeze for you later in life, Gen Z needs to hit it a bit harder on nights out and yo man, we have an out of control STD on our hands.
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Twitter's salespeople are having a hard time of it, the PGA backtracked about a few billion dollars worth, Bam is on hold, snacks can make or break a car ride and Monday is worse than any of us thought....
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Coldplay are out there doing good, the Swedes are trying to ruin ice cream, church in NC sounds like a fun time and today we celebrate the pests of the World!
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Celebrities were in town over the weekend, we would travel far for our favorite food, Bam is missing again, most of us are positive about work and today I've made it another trip around the sun!
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Some kids in NY are about to have a very bad time, way too many of us have a blankie as an adult, Papa John's is still out there trying to win us over and the A/C is finally on!
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You better actr right out of the gate on a first date, a centenarian shares the secret to a long life, not as many people are as stoked for Summer as we are and man Elon is treating Twitter like an ashtray!
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Florida woman goes Florida woman, we all remember the smell of our childhood home, Elon Musk wants your braaaaaaains, wedding prices are getting out of hand and today we celebrate the humble flip flop!
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Taco Bell wants to ruin your shorts in a new color this Summer, scientists have figured out how to have the best vacation, your phone may be killing you and think twice before you AirDrop your genitals to strangers.
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Chicago has an outbreak, kids today are in for a long haul, cheating may be good for you and you may be fine with that and looking at food may help curb stomp your overreating?
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You need to quit skipping leg day, Wendy's is putting the cart before the horse, all of our animals are dying, Hot Pockets are a huge deal in Kentucky and today we celebrate the vino!
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Apparently Siri Thirst is getting out of hand, IU needs to keep it's thoughts and findings to itself, Bezos is engaged, pens are killing people and today we celebrate the humble snail!
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Summer is off to a rough start at the Kluck house, Honey Boo Boo is out there doin' it grrrrrl, apparently we all cheat at bachelor parties, pretend we don't see messes and college science classes at USC sound lit as Hell!
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We think men cheat, Disney is running back a classic, we have 3 spoiled doggos in this country, we could be sleeping on bankruptcies and don't forget Mom this Sunday!
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RIP MTV News, Goldfish is running back a favorite flavor, things are not going too swell for Britney Spears, Tucker Carlson found something to do with his time and things get worse for striking writers.
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An Aussie gets lost, the US is drowning in debt, AI is coming for all of our jobs, we celebrate seafood, an old old old new parent and the show turns 13!
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Your passwords all suck, Maine actually topped a list this week, two R&B stars settled things stepdad style, we are a smooth loving people and a kid in Texas discovers fart spray!
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AYCE is making a comeback, groceries are eating us alive, almost all of us have a side hustle, a young lady in Pennsylvania gets her lie busted and we celebrate a truly trash dessert!
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May the Fourth Be With You. And Also With You.
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Today we celebrate dogs with wheels, hate on Utah, learn about Pizza Hut's newest pie, find out how Mom wants to celebrate Mother's Day and hear about a new movie!
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An NBA player signs a lifetime deal, things go from awful to even worse for Crazytown, some of us looooove talking on the phone and I have some van work ahead of me!
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Ganja smokers may get a crack at government work soon, Outback wants to ruin your date mood, murder sounds like it's getting easier, the draft is over and my van didn't make it through the weekend.
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Apple wants to know even more about you, American Airlines sounds a lot like Spirit these days, we love trips, grandma loves her technology and today we celebrate the humble Prime Rib!
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If you have allergies time to stock up on meds, Bam Margera is on the loose, the Mint is finding out what it means to work for a living, and it's time to stop wasting food!
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Man yesterday was a bad day to be a TV anchor, my wife is going out of town, we aren't doing family photos anymore, our debt is outstanding and it's National DNA Day!
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The season hasn't started and the Lions are already losing, running Google pays fat, Spring cleaning is chicken soup for the soul, we all get food envy and a bad weekend for Bed, Bath & Beyond.
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Tesla is cutting prices, Motley Crue are working on new stuff, Twitter is taking back their check marks, repos are back in fashion and we are all eating bugs!
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It's 420 baby and we're blowing more cash on weed than candy! What? Most of us have the same view of the economy, the kids these days love their Adderall, McDonald's is changing it up and Texas is messing with a VERY powerful force
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After an extended weekend, we're back! Happy 4/20 Eve!
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NYC has a rat czar, Montana wants your TikTok, Captain Crunch is a slacker, owning a home is shockingly pricey and a Florida man is also a very busy man!
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Lifting outside may be better than inside, the White House is cracking down on our partyin' ways, ticks are going to be bad this year and young dudes have no clue how to wash. Bruuuuuuuh
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The FBI is warning you to watch where you plug your phone in, we're getting more Kim Kardashian, cat-calling is still a thing, we'd rather Google than see a doctor and a shark has only a slightly better sniffer than your wife's ears.
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OBJ had a payday over the weekend, Bam Margera is still on the loose and terrorizing people, Taylor Swift is single and walking (just a bit) can save your life!
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We all lose our sense of fun around the same age, loads of us have asked for a few bucks over the last year, don't burn a bridge when you leave a job...statistics say you'll be back and Easter weekend is behind us!
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Banks won't stop until they reach a "lifetime mortgage," we fight about clutter, Florida man takes karaoke very seriously and hoist a pint baby, it's National Beer Day!
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Kid ROck is very upset on the interwebs this week, Brownsville, Texas is have a bad go of it, Leonardo used a secret ingredient on the Mona Lisa and Big Milk may not be Big Milk for very much longer.
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The WWE and UFC won't stop until they scare off ALL the women, just over half of us think the same thing about our partner, scientists need to STFU Finland gets welcomed to the party!
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Even the rich folk are cutting back their travel, we don't feel qualified for jobs these days, there is some free Coors Light out in Montana, we want hats and today we celebrate the humble Jeep!
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Our soldiers are getting thiccc, we feel insecure a lot, IHOP is sprucing up their menu, we are pretty two-faced when it comes to texting and driving and Heinz is teaming up with an unlikely ally.
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Your eyes are giving away your age, Pepsi failed in the logo department, 3 years is a breaking point for a ton of relationships, Millennials are master ghosters and it's Final Four Weekend~
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Guess what lazy kids grown into? Scientists are begging us to cool the jets on AI, Oreo has a new flavor, we're getting Mammoth meat and it's Opening Day baby!
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One fella ruined a town's water, the guy who owns Porsche behaves exactly like you would if you owned Porsche, we're about to scarf down an insane number of jelly beans and stop putting things up your fanny that don't have a handle lol!
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Looks like we're about to peak as a species, Elon Musk bought an old jalopy, Ted Nugent needs to check himself, some of us don't clean....like at all and it's time to appreciate weed!
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Women are flocking to the trucking game, idiot kids are still looking for Ninja Turtles, half of us are leaving this Spring and White Claw wants your driver's license!
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Philly is making it rain, we now have a powdered beer, Snoop is in the coffee game and raise your glass baby, it's National Cocktail Day!
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Home prices are finally heading in the right direction, half of us would get Fido tattooed on us, California hates Skittles, the Sweet 16 kicks off today and love is in the air!
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Jimmy G has a quite an offer on the table from a couple fans, we're ALL drowning in mortgage debt but I have a solution, ChatGPT is coming for our jobs and our lives and let's all celebrate West Virginia!
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Finland should rename themselves Fineland, an OG Batman is going to cost somebody Bruce Wayne money, Dunkin retires a classic and this country hates beards all of a sudden
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We hang to clothes for a long time, Germany is handing the elderly over to robots, marriage is good for the ladies, we ALL hate taxes and Costco has a new contender in the heavyweight division.....
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None of us are doing date night anymore, Lindsay Lohan is with pregnant, Aldi has never seen an Easter Bunny apparently, the sadnwich could be killing us and man splitting the bill sucks!
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We have a new date for our Singularity Event Party, Facebook is not getting many likes this week, we don't know what nutrition even is and Krispy Kreme has you covered this weekend!
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We are a nostalgic bunch, the Bears are wheeling and dealing, gas companies smashed the hell out of us last year and Walmart is getting ranch....ranch ice cream.
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Vegans deserved obesity too, banks are acting like it's 2008 all over again, the brackets are set and we lost an hour although it feels like a helluva lot more over the weekend!
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Scared of clowns? Science has your answer! AI is getting out of damned hand, divorce sounds expensive in Spain, Shawn Kemp is have a wild retirement and move over purple stuff, Sunny D is bringing the heat!
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We may have a new Kardashian cast member, being old doesn't mean you get what life is about, Aaron Rodgers may head East, Lack's Links is out of their minds and Starbucks has a new bevy but also a missed opportunity
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Wendy's is busting into grocery stores, Hugh Jackman is living the life I want to live, 21 times of "that" a month seems touch low, a third of us are screwed come April and it's International Women's Day!
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Some young ladies are cooling their heels on the sex, if you're nice you're gonna have a bad time in retirement, Victoria's Secret is back and Germans.....keep on being very German.
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Today we celebrate the dentists, lament a GIrl Scout Cookie shortage, wonder whay trains can't stay on the tracks in Ohio and find out what kind of person rocks a mullet. Also I dog sat, 0/10 would recommend.
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Celebrate the National Anthem, walk 11 minutes a day or else, keto and paleo may actually be the worst, KISS announced their final show and KFC has answered our prayers!
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We have a new "cleanest city in America," parents work hard to sneak time away from their kids, Dunkin' wants you dead, Applebee's is starting a fight league and West VA wants you baaaaack!
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We wish our health was like our car's, sugar is bad and it turns out sugar replacements are worse, kids are lying about crossword puzzles and there is a decent chance you can kill and get away with it!
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Bruh, it's the finale of February already?!!!!
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We're getting priced out of new cars, we are the reason we're single, Bam is mad at all the wrong people, maggots are in, trains are out and tip one back its Nat'l Kahlua Day!
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Meemaw is going back to work, skip the straw today, indoor cats are living forever nowadays, we lie about our selfie touch-ups and I'm selling one of my babies.
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We have a new happiest city in America, Red Lobster is blowing up the freezer aisle, all the fellas need to tip back a few more Cokes and we have a party bus trip today!
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Apparently Indiana isn't focused on the big issues anymore, Mama June is married again, our food kills overseas, we've ALL tried to lose weight and Happy Ash Wednesday, fellow trainers!
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A pastor finds out Jesus is hard to beat, McDonald's rechristens a classic, more mystery balloons, Meta wants your money, half of us are pure of thought and it's Fat Tuesday baby!
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A catalytic converter thief meets his maker, the drugs are getter harder, Dollar Stores will soon be all we have and believe it or not....my van was pulled over for excessive SPEED over the weekend!
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Talking with friends is important, sugar is once again trying to wreck your ass, Netflix is going to show us how the sausage is made, dudes have gotten longer and today we celebrate the humble cabbage!
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Prices are up, fun at the grocery store is down, true crime docs and podcasts can save your life, kids aren't driving, half of us think the news is lying and there are tow careers that are happier than all the rest!
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Genesis is stealing from old people, we're under siege by UFOs, none of us are well, time to cut the cord and celebrate Wisconsin!
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Happy Valentine's Day! Listen with caution as it has been said (it hasn't) that the Index can be a bot of an aphrodisiac!
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More "balloons" are floating over us, ladies do NOT want fancy bloomers for tomorrow, our kids can't read and inflation is the reason she ain't getting a gift tomorrow!
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A Russian secret is no longer a secret, we hate ugly food, kids love their pets, just over half of women want the same thing for Valentine's Day and it's Super Sunday!
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Leo DiCaprio is having a rough go on social media this week, 7:23 is a bad time for all of us, we're betting it ALL on the Super Bowl, our cars are too big and our kids are too smart.
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Michigan can puff it's chest out a bit this week, we're alll going to watch Sunday, Doritos is back on their bullshizzzz and so is Pepsi. Also...anyone seen a North Korean dictator?
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Taco Bell's assault on your drawers continues, only a few of us are honest about or saving ability, a celebrity bonks her head, we still believe in true love and is it illegal to posses a dolphin skull?
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Joe Exotic has a new will, KFC has a new sammy, the under 45 crowd HATES work, life expectancy is down for Hoosiers, we have an oldest dog, a coldest mountain top and man that balloon was everywhere this weekend.
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Sour Patch Kids wants in on your Valentine's plans, we still use old timey cold remedies, you don't even get an hour if a date is going bad and we celebrate the worst moment in music history.
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Papa John's has a new trick up their sleeve, Exxon got ALL our money last year, Dr. Phil is done, some in Alabama is missing something VERY important and a ton of us are staying in for Valentine's Day.
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The Dallas Zoo needs to really lock it up bro, almost all of us think our pets are fans of our favorite teams, more of us than ever are living paycheck to paycheck and Dry January is OVER
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NYC has no snow, single people hate being single, there are some wild STDs, bad times at Buzzfeed and today is the last day of Dry January!
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Aaron Rodgers rumors are running hot, we love plotting vacays on the clock, we think we're pretty smart and the Super Bowl is set, LFG!!
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Take an N/A beer to the gym next time, we all travel for the same reason, it's the last weekend of Dry January, Philly has job openings and turns out junk food is worse for you than drugs!
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My Limp Bizkit idea gets shot down at work, Campbell's is coming for your underwear, Panic! At The Disco is breaking up and 1 out of 3 people in this country can't read gooooood.
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TikTok has all the power, some of us are shelling out money for a good rubdown, the Earth may have stopped spinning, four dudes lost their freedom and the M&M candy mascots are retiring!
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The U.S. has the beast and biggest, loads of people are out there mispronouncing everyday words, neighbors aren't very neighborly these days, some of us are getting "the sex" and say it ain't so Tool Man!
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Some of us can't even do one push up, we have 8 sad days a month, Mt. Dew has a new hot sauce flavor on the way, churches are closing all over and some people replace their toothbrush once a month?!!!!
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North Dakota wants all the sexy out of the libraries, the dollar is down, breakfast is up, your toddler knows when you're full of it and it's National DJ Day yo!
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Green places may help your need for meds, intermittent fasting may kill you, we love our bananas, celebrate the humble Quark and our country is spending like we're in our early 20s!
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Great news, prices are coming down! Bad news, not that much. Wyoming sounds like a welcoming place, we're a nation of coffee junkies and everyone is asking Tom Brady the same thing!
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Always fun when wealthy people try to tell us poors how to live, Andy Dick is out there on that Andy Dick grind, Cheetos has a new trick, some of us are dream chasers and Dry January is halfway over!
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Satan is up, the Lord is down, today we celebrate the fig newton, Britney had a rough weekend, Putin may be hanging up his suit and I didn't win a single lotto jackpot over the weekend!
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We do not care much for congress members, Sierra Mist was euthanized, we're not having babies fast enough and it's Friday the 13th!
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Mee-maw is on the weed, the WWE may have been sold, Cheetos has a bold new flavor and man, you thought YOU spent a lot of time in traffic? Pour one out for Chicago drivers.
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Using the bus is down, the ozone is up, ESPN is getting into the snack game, Krispy Kreme won't stop until we're all dead and not one of us is drinking enough water.
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The government is taking our stoves, most of us were hot for teacher, bicycles are after our children and a sad day for my mailbox.....
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Another lottery hits the Billy mark, we may be down a big lake soon, Reese's knows what it has, the Joker is expecting and Elon Musk sets a record nobody wants
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More COVID flying around, scientists think if we ever meet aliens we're gonna lose our minds, the Mega Millions is nearly a billion and there is a Sunday night Lions game?!!!
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Colorado is down one funeral home director, Louisiana sounds like an insane hell hole, growing up with money means you have a leg up on being a QB and Stanford comes over the top with some uhhhh "good" news!
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Papa John has a brand new bag, we need to declutter, there is a library in Colorado that PARTIES and we all went deep into debt for the holidays
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And we're back after a long holiday break! Lions are ready for prime time, we nearly lost Hawkeye, Bill Cosby wants to tour, the Treasury is having a bad time and Nostradamus predicts the bad times ain't even started yet!
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Boom, the last one for 2022. Thank you for a great year and have a great holiday you sexy beast!
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Vince McMahon is having a bad 2022, loads of people are buying Xmas presents early, Elon Musk's bad 2022 continues and bad news if you want a cig in New Zealand.
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The NBA has a new award, Chips Ahoy! has a new bold flavor, the Lions are a top 10 squad and things sound depressing at Twitter HQ...
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There are dudes out there that dine out every day of the week, most of us believe malls are insane this time of year, church is down, jean jackets are up and condoms are free in France!
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It's a day to stretch, there is a very good puppy in NYC, more people would forguive cheaters than you'd think, Kanye won an award over the weekend and I beat my wife in fantasy football!
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None of us like crypto, there is a new fancier cocaine out there just in time for the holidays, those dumb AI selfies are everywhere and some homeowners are already royally screwed.
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Indonesia sounds like no fun, the Navy wants sworse people, a Chicago cop learns a tough lesson on vacation, we're going to drive a ton this Christmas and Elon Musk hates monkeys!
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Franzia is getting in the holiday spirit, we all hate the same Xmas song, most of us are tightening our belts and using pencils
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The kids these days love the weed and hate the booze, half of us are huge liars, Apple is packing up and leaving and Jimmy G is donezo
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KFC is "helping" the homeless, Aldi hates your underpants, Pepsi has an awful holiday drink recipe it's a big day for the baguette and for the humble ninja!
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Gas prices are up, so are killer robots. Half of us love the holidays, the Liver King surprises nobody and a NC man sets a record!
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Kanye gets a stiff bill, cheap dates are on the rise, Hot Pockets has clothing now, and we're fatter than we've ever been and put a little Jameson under the tree!
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The biggest volcano in the world is having a bad week, Red Lobster is rolling out more Cheddar Bay goodness, morning people have it easier and Mt. Dew has.....a holiday flavor.
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We have a new oldest dog, Elon Musk is filling Twitter with nudes, your couch has a lifespan and it is quite short and it's National Day of Giving!
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Post-Thanksgiving shopping is way up, so is the price of salsa in Texas! Pepsi has a new World Cup flavor, we don't feel good about the gifts we give and it's Cyber Monday!
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Last Index before Thanksgiving, have a great holiday!
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Mariah Carey is invading Thanksgiving, some of us are turning our heat OFF this Winter, NASA has some big dreams, the Lions are in second (what?) and Olivia Wilde is single y'all!
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The new Fast & Furious movie is going to be the most expensive one yet, half of us don't care about lunch that much, not many of us plan on eating right until January and we NEED sleeeeeeeep.
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The Walking Dead is at the end, we love giving good gifts, Mt. Dew is busting one out for the fans, Taylor Swift and Ticketmaster have had a week bro and Pickleball will be the death of us!
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Adderall is up, Hawai'i is down, Taylor Swift and Ticketmaster are having a bad week, Andy Dick is locked up and there is a sniper in Ukraine you want zero smoke from.
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A classic rock band is hanging it up for good, we have a new "biggest song of all time," Jeff Bezos is giving all his money away and legalizing weed makes your state bank!!
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Jason's got a new dog, if you bought crypto through FTX you're having a bad time, the Lions are having a "dream" season and Stouffer's is entering the liquor game!
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Loads of people have been on blind dates, BK has a new sandwich that sounds difficult to order, Dana White wants to slap the hell out of people, Lite Brite had a big weekend and so did them Deeeetroit Lions!
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Casey Anthony is getting a show, Vlasic wants to help you set the mood, Adidas is in need of a name change, only half of us are clean and Amazon had a rough week!
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Most young adults are on the pills, way too many of us drive drowsy, Krispy Kreme wants you fatter than the turkey, celebrate your Civic and it turns out a shocking number of people cut their own hair!
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Electricity is going to break the bank this Winter, the park people have a simple ask of you, we have a new "Sexiest Man Alive" Patron wants more of your cash and Casey Anthony has a show now?
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Some of us dislike ALL of our coworkers, the World is getting to be a crowded place, Facebook is laying people off and in case you haven't heard...it's ELECTION DAY!
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Krispy Kreme is hooking you up for voting, the demise of Daylight Savings Time could kill us, the Constitution is up for sale next month and it's gonna be cheaper to dine out for Thanksgiving.
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Miller Lite wants to help you with Christmas decorating, we all start feeling old around the same age, there is some bad football headed your way this weekend and you may be a billionaire Saturday night!
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Chick-Fil-A is testing new stuff, there is an NFL franchise up for sale, Elon Musk wants his $8, so does Big Turkey!
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The NFL trade deadline has passed, Kraft announces they're doing something we all thought they've been doing for years, Kanye's mess continues, picking your nose could hurt your mind and it's National Deviled Egg Day!
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Now that October is over, how about a real quick post-Halloween PSA? Football has broken up a ton of friendships, Diddy is a billionaire and 2 minutes can save your life. Or extend it or whatever.
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Elon Musk is firing the wrong people, Baskin-Robbins brings back a classic, Jake Paul won, it's Halloween and Powerball is about to make someone a BILLIONAIRE.
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It's been a bad year for Mark Zuckerberg, T.J. Maxx is out there lying their ass off, GrubHub has drops a shocking fact, it's National Frankenstein Day and the Powerball is insane!
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Most of us would still choose love over money, a couple reasons to have a beer today, Twitter is on the decline, Harvard is the best school you can go to and Snoop smokes a superhuman amount of pot.
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The McRib is saying farewell, Apple TV+ is going up, we have a new World's Dirtiest Man, Kanye continues his downward spiral and we're getting fake steak!
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We really hate how our homes look, politicians are crushing the paper waste game, nearly half of us are unbroken and maaaaan we cannot wait to post bad reviews!
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Home values could be dipping soon, loads of people are out there going commando, a pasta company is being sued by morons, and according to a new poll it really is the little things in life!
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Andy Dick is on the upswing, the UK has a job opening, kids aren't riding the bus anymore, Dr. Pepper is after your teeth and Millennials' sex lives dry up after marriage
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Can you imagine a $300K Caddy? Your lack of sleep is killing you....so are hot dogs, chips and soda. Turkey is up, Arizona Iced Tea will never be and kids in Boston may be the death of all of us.
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Eminem isn't getting any younger, Uber wants to get you high, Arby's wants to get you drunk, we're all going to be broke AF soon, and we're getting a new "Twister!"
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The Birds Aren't Real people are still out there, there is a doctor in Ohio that refuses to retire at 100, we'd pay more for things if they'd just last longer, Kanye made a big buy this week and Tennessee wants goal post money.
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D.C. sounds uh...pleasant, some cereals are off the "healthy breakfast" list, New York Mom is giving Florida man a run for his money to start the week and most parents admit they suck at one thing....
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About a third of us don't care much for pets, Lions are still gonna lose on a bye week, apparently there are very wealthy denim collectors, Alex Jones had a pricey week and we HATE donating at the register.
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Florida man is having a rough time, some of us get stressed the second we wake up, Syphillis is up, bras are down.
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Gisele is hiring someone to help get over the hump, kids are going into date debt, we all lied about COVID stuff, almost half of people listening to this podcast poop only once a day. How do you deal?!!!! HOW???!
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Your Mom likes her meat a certain way, women hate their hands, something stinks in Salt Lake City, Ye is off Instagram and you most likely eat a family meal on the same day every week!
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The Lions had a(nother) rough weekend, petting dogs is better than Prozac, Kanye West wants your vote, so do the bears in Alaska and we have a winner in the Taco Bell election!
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Colleges are having a bad time, we'd do ANYTHING for one stress-free day, not drinking could be bad for you and Reese's wants us to be fat forever!
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We're in a ton of national debt, KFC is upping their game a little too late, Elon Musk is writing a big ol' check, love a plus sized person and Tom & Gisele are possibly finished?
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It be dry as Hell in Cali, we have a new king of all break up songs, none of us our doing well financially, we hate noisy travelers and all of us cuss quite a bit!
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Archaeologists make a huge discovery, a Boston banker loses his job, Nick Cannon is a dangerous man, we wear the same clothes A LOT and has anyone seen the Iced Earth guy?
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Uncrustables are expanding, NFTs are down (wut?) Elon Musk has a Terminator, you can steal Dahmer's look and Olive Garden brings back a classic!
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And poof, just like that September is behind us.
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Little robots are out there doing the Lord's work, home prices are screaming down to the basement, you have 11 things to do at work and the stink bug is back baby!!
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A whole lotta people are planning on leaving their jobs, we've all made 4 poor choices, the U.S. is apparently no longer number one, you only need three things for peak brain performance and Costco's CFO has a smart idea.
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Bam is drinking, Lions are in dead last, teens hate the way they look, tech stocks are down and Darth Vader is retiring! All in a Tuesday's work!
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Cheating sex sounds amazing, Florida is about to get hosed off, we now have Flamin' Hot coffee, holding a fart can kill you and it's a day celebrating an American legend!
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NYU is offering a real snoozer of a class, half of us think it's OK to buy stuff, use it and take it back, the Fed wants us to starve to death, we find new foods on social media and Avatar is back!
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The Space Force is still a thing AND has theme song?!!!! We're stuck in vacation ruts, Franzia wants to dress your dog, being a night owl can kill you and it's Fall y'all!!
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We wouldn't survive in olden times or without coffee, Kim Kardashian goes house shopping, and there could be.....a beer shortage!!!!!
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Men want changing tables, not everyone loves a free shirt, Bam is back under lock and key, some of us have cash hidden at home and it's my anniversary!
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Scientists are working on new tatts, cyborgs are assuring us they won't take over, being homeless in Denver sounds rad and I had another sad realization over the weekend that I am getting too old.
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Satan is back in fashion, Oxford is scraping for guest speakers these days, more of us steal clothing than we thought and we all worry too much!
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Almost half of us have hair lies, we all watch way way too much TV, food hasn't been this expensive in our lifetime and man, this Summer WAS hot!
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The Cowboys suffer a setback, we sent a ton of accidental nudes, Britney may have retired and it's National Sober Day.....BOOOOO
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Tinder is leaving users worse off than they used to be, R. Kelly lost his commissary, couples all fight about the same three things and today we celebrate Jason's hair line!
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Florida woman wilds out, we think mighty highly of how interesting our lives are, a country club in VA has the worst 9/11 promotion ever and BK is testing actual flavor!
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We don't have many friends after 50, dog owners spend mucho dinero on their animals, 4 out of 5 of us don't cheat and the Queen is dead y'all!
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We're loving our Lambos these days, the NFL is BACK BABY, men are happy if you laugh at our jokes, and Bam is back at the bar :(
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White women are about to dialed up, Jason hates Bobby Blotzer, what you drink on the beach could say a lot about you, we like our watermelon with seeds and it's National Salami Day and I DIDN'T make it a Mom joke!
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Taking breaks is good for your soul, we're all afraid of civil war and revealing our age, apparently we're the only ones not doing it in public and none of us are going to be able to retire
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Chipotle is back on their BS, let's all celebrate the humble zit, we'd ditch coffee before dairy and Hard Mt. Dew is apparently the marrying type after all!
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dang, just like that August is gone and Summer is on life support :(
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None of us are sleeping well, pet owners go nuts for their pets, an extra inch could nudge you closer to death and secretly treating yourself is good for your marriage!
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Disney is printing money these days, Mt. Dew and Spirit Halloween unveil a collab, we eat a ton of beef and some of us really need to MOVE!
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Our wedding was the happiest we'll ever be, Nick Cannon needs to ice down his junk, Florida woman do public pools differently and we love us some Doritos!
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News is making us sick, kids these days know how to party, Wisconsin needs to probably do a dry January and Chipotle takes a stab at the Circle of Life.
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Younger ladies love them some beards, sad day for a Power Ranger, Dallas is getting washed away, sex can help your health better than quitting smoking and we have a new Mullet King. Bow down!!
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Raising a child these days is expensive as Hell, Taco Bell wants to give vegetarians the scoots too, Dennis Rodman is off on another grand adventure and booze with weed in it is on the rise!
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McDonald's is firing up something new, Papa John's has fans? Japan needs young people to drink more and a tip if you find yourself drinking too much!
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Church sounds wild in Missouri, we post way too much crap online, it was a big week for the Buffalo and Papa John's. Also the Browns had a helluva MGK diss this week.
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Miller High Life is getting into the dessert game, heat is going to kill us all in 28 years, bad grammar is worse than bad sex and we spend a horrifying amount of time online!
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Three dudes broke a World record and are probably sick of each other, over half of us think we can spot a liar, Russia has a new terrifying dog, a famous pair of drawers could be yours and lonely men are everywhere!
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Great, we're going to have a shortage of pizza sauce, fertilizer cost is breaking the bank for our grocery shopping, Norway doesn't mess around and we have an embassy.....in Tijuana?
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A video game is getting it's own booze, vasectomies are up, the Bears are down, California got it right last week and we will let nothing stop us from having fun!
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Teachers have it tough, Chipotle is offering to lend them a hand, we're being priced out of eggs, and it's officially NFL preseason time babayyyy!!!
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Wendy's has got the goods, Florida is buck wild as ever but Alabama is coming hot on it's heels, Steven Seagal is still the worst and a really neat/horrifying fact about spiders!!
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Chick-fil-A is testing out something new, we're pushing our brains too hard, Krispy Kreme is making this diet hard AF and the Choco Taco gets a stay of execution.
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K-Fed is making the news (lol, what year is it?) young people have no love for their cars, Miami has a terrible idea for a reality show, the Lions are on TV tonight and there is a perfect new snack on the way!
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Alex Jones is gonna need a few dollars, your loneliness is about to get even worse, Fred Durst has found love again, Angela and Kobe are down, the Juggalos are up!
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The show is on vacation until August 8th, so this will be the last Index for a few days.
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Elon is casting his seed again, Russia has some brutal sounding chess robots, we eat food off the floor a lot, Mega Millions is over $800M, and KFC is the people's champ.
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Cheap smokes and cheap beer sales are up, we try to flex our Rhode Island knowledge, a new gross candy is coming this Fall and Velveeta wants you to hurl.
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KFC is a late bloomer, sharks are having a great Summer, we all use the same brands our parents used and British dentists are just printing money!
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A woman met a bear camping for the final time, guys own three suits and they don't fit, Joe Rogan is on the hot seat, Mega Millions is way up there and it's National Junk Food Day!
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One man is bent out of shape at Bass Pro Shop, confidence in the media has never been worse, one drink is too much until you reach a certain age and it's National Hot Dog Day!
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Iran may be packin', women can ditch the tops in Germany, Tik Tok is ruining our money and mental health and apparently we're getting priced out of bread now?
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A man suffers embarrassment at a zoo, skinny people are more likely to be couch potatoes, Ricky Martin is making some insane headlines this week and Hooters has new sauce!
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James Webb is still kicking this week's ass, parents are forgetting lullaby lyrics, we celebrate legit the WORST pudding on the planet and a man got Jager-bombed into the afterlife.
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Is it 88 degrees out? Then stop doing what you're doing! Not a lot of us can touch our toes, the James Webb telescope has had a big week and most of us have weed killer in our systems.
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Pets are the pickiest eaters, BMW is pulling some very BMW-eque crap, Elon and Twitter are heating up and Kellogg's has a gross new cereal!
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We need wayyyyy more money to be "financially comfortable," eat your Jello, way more people eat dip with a spoon than we ever imagined and this place we call Earth is getting so freakin' crowded!
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There are a ton of people going to family reunions, Cold Stone is going after our hearts, Thor is a huge deal and we brought up the Menendez brothers!
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We have a new Shark Capital, odds are good your kids enjoy your singing, weekend exercise is the best kind and women get bored with you......VERY quickly!
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Tesla is no longer the EV King, old bones are up for sale, most of us like sexy emojis, none of us are in good heart health and Jason has a weird take on pasta.
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More dog walkers = less crime, fireworks won't stop until we're all dead, Delta pays pretty good to not use Delta and a ton of us have seen a UFO!
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Independence Day is behind us, we have out hot dog champion, your smartphone may be ruining your memory, planning a wedding sucks these days and we all hate one part of shopping!
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Behold, it's the first day of July already and Summer feels like it's slipping away.
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And just like that, June is over. Daily Harvest is getting people sick, you make friends easier than you think, the AC is out and it's social media day!!!
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Kraft is changing the name of their flagship product....sort of, we're all pretty disillusioned with out bodies, cooking out for the 4th is gonna be pricey AF and DiGiorno needs to stay in their lane!
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Busy roads can be the death of you, gas stations are really serious about those credit card holds, a Chicago Bear is in trouble and 30% of us just cannot sleep!
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They need to just stop with the fake bacon, there is a huge loser living in Oregon, you'll always be on the internet, we aren't getting any sleep and the odds are good your AC is set higher than the rest of people!
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Half of all rivers have drug problems, JUULs are off the market, Chicago PD have hung up their track shoes and B-Dubs has a weird new menu item
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Our gas tax isn't even in it's final form, parents want their kids to play music, vitamins are worthless, there is new fat guy fashion on the horizon and let's celebrate the humble pecan sandy
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We ALL drive distracted, murder is up, moisture is down, people are still writing in cursive and we're getting new carpet!!!
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Yo! It's the first day of Summer!!!!
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Yo, Presidents should stop riding bikes, Post is bringing back a cereal NOBODY misses, Father's Day is behind us and people at Lowe's have no sense of humor!
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Japan is cracking down on trolls, we only relax a tiny bit each day, Monkeypox is boomin' I got some new life changing shoes and it's the best dessert day!
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Halfway through June already? Hot. Heat. Humidity. Yeah, it's still blazing!
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Inflation is up, lifeguards are down, teachers are going to be packin' in Ohio, ladies may be partying too hard and it's hotter than Hell!
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Great, the World is getting more nukes. Half of us think pets in bed is tip top, a town in Colorado mulls a name change, more than half of us are late and baby it's National Bourbon Day!
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Turns out your girl hates you checking out other ladies, less stress means you'll have a better time (duh!) we're running out of Sriracha and Google has created a monster!
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Our new intern Colin is also trombonist....so we had him in for rimshots!
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Lonely seniors are getting a hand, Velveeta is in the cosmetics game, horsemeat is going to be harder to come by and if we won the lotto...most of us wouldn't say anything.
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We're getting more beef, China's plans for a secret base are ruined, we're all leaving the same things in our Ubers and it's National Best Friends Day!!
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Today we celebrate the humble VCR, sleep may be keeping you from looking your best, we want more happy hour and a Tiger King star gets arrested!
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The Pope may be calling it a day, most men are WAYYYY mistaken about their health, these gas prices are gonna be around for a while and I'm another year older, not another year wiser.
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Some rich people are living paycheck to paycheck, no more Elvis weddings in Vegas, your DoorDash driver is eating your treats and Canada is about to be wildin' out!
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Get your popcorn while you can, you waited too long to get the Mexican Pizza, Elon Musk seems like an awful boss and it's time to GET ROCKIN WITH DOKKEN!!!
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Facebook has some cash to shell out, a ton of us are big liars about exercise, gas is at an all time high and breastfeeding may make you smarter!
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Back after a long weekend! There is a massive bottle of whiskey out there, almost half of parents have kids that are NEVER moving out, we waste a ton of time at work and Florida man is out there being Florida Man!
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Birth rates are up, your TV is killing you, some dates may frown you stepping out for a quick heater and babies are absolute units down in Australia!
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We have a new fastest flight, 60% of millennials share something in common with me, the last payphone in NYC is RIP and not sleeping could get you wasted the next day!
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Miller Lite is in the grilling game, some ladies go the extra mile for their men, Monkeypox is on the rise, Flamin' Hot lays are coming back and Pete Davidson is leaving SNL
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Bad week to be the Red Mighty Morphin Power Ranger, we spend a load on impulse buys, Coke is going to permacaps, Krispy Kreme and Taco Bell want us to be fat forever.
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NY has some sanitizer they need to unload, the circus is coming back, Tommy Hilfiger is hurting all of our feelings and it's gonna be a blackout Summer!
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Hot Pockets is removing the Hot part, Brady is getting roasted, People Magazine is ending and the MEXICAN PIZZA IS BACK!!!
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Elon Musk's Mom in a swimsuit, women have the same unwanted body hair, most of us relax the same way and Ric Flair has one more ride this Summer!
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Parents have a time limit with kids in the car, apparently I'm not curt out for the edging life, we're watching loads of TV and 40% of us are down. Really, really down.
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The Lions get NO LOVE, Busch Light is teaming up with John Deere, we're all out of baby food and it's National Mimosa Day, drink up!
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Fun fact: today is the only Friday the 13th of 2022!
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Get off social media if you want to improve your health, most of us our worried about money worse than we were a year ago, too many of us would choose our pets over our houses and it's a certain kind of fudge day!
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It's been a rough week if you own crypto, we're all worried about our pets dying, NYC is having COVID fun for Summer and women are not too happy with their dating pool!
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Hey, today marks our show's 12 Anniversary!
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We're all straight up lying about where our tax refund is going, they may have found the fountain of youth.....but I'll pass, Popeye's has a sexy new sandwich and Circle K has new Dew!
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Rome is running wild these days, student loan debt could literally kill you, bad news for meat lovers and apparently there is a robot chef out there?
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College kids may be in for a wakeup call, most of us wish we could live a day as our pets? WTF? Why? We hate emails and our best and brightest at NASA are running out of ideas.
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Our houses are never clean, Russia is plowing through Generals, Shaq is putting the meat down and Joe Exotic must still have serious cash laying around.
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Things are off to a rough start on the market, majority of us don't care if you know what music we have on our phones, the Bears did a good deed to close out draft weekend and life is pretty alright for half of kids 18 and older
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Miller High Life thinks they're pretty classy, Tropicana wants to mess up your cereal, KFC is making Mom feel special and the Draft weekend!
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More people believe Bigfoot is real that we'd like to believe, we're getting a new Summer drink, Kim Kardashian tried erasing her bellybutton and it's Draft Day!!!
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Aaron Carter has lived to fight another day, NASA wants space meat, Joe Exotic's new fiancé sounds like a treat and we're never going to be rich and we know it!!!
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There was a big ancient find in Turkey this week, putting your phone down a bit may help your mental health, Elon Musk bought Twitter and it was a bad week for the World's Oldest Person.
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A man wants his Taco Bell nachos back, this weather is killing us mentally, Snickers had a rough weekend and we're going to be very hungry in about 30 years....
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Most of think Mother's Day should be EVERYDAY!!!! We're smokin' more pot than ever, Jager is trying to get us all to lose out jobs and it's Earth Day!
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Women deal with a load of bad hair days, the Mexican Pizza is back, Netflix is having a bad week and the Cash Me Ousside Girl is worht way....wayyyyy more money than you think.
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Kiefer wants to bring Jack back, kids want to treat dinner better, Avian flu is running wild, a gorilla is addicted to his phone (wtf?) and Alex Jones is having money problems.
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A Florida Man gets a positive headline for once, 4/20 is on the way, Loch Ness Monster gets a whole lot more terrifying and Taco Bell is treating us right!
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Elon Musk is going to ruin one of my Twitter accounts, most of us ain't retiring, one guy out there is soloing at a different level and it's Good Friday!
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Half of us are reaching for the Advil, Eggo wants to retire your toaster, dumbbells are for the gym not the bedroom and AC/DC helps surgeons!
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Celebrate an old timey dessert today, one Michigan Mom may be a secret genius, the weather is going sideways this week and OMG Britney is pregnant!
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BW3 hates your shorts, there is a job opening at Red Lobster, Florida is a wild place these days and there are only 3 K-Marts left!!
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A school out East is cracking down on snacks, the Michigan kidnappers are free, Krispy Kreme is doing it's best to keep the Sabbath holy and Will Smith has a date free in March for the next decade.
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Today is D-Day for Will Smith, half of parents want their kid to stay away from one sport, Florida lawyers sound just like Florida criminals and guess who grows almost all the World's eggplant?
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A ton of us want our dogs to be IG famous, smart people have heavy metal in their heads, millionaires have an easier go of things (no foolin!?) a Halo cookbook is on the way and Tiger is back baby!
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Burger King is in hot water, Reese's wants into our pants and our pockets, Britney is writing a book and Elon Musk bought himself a chunck of the ol' Twitter!
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80s kids have a harder time settling down, we're getting a new Crow movie, the way you sleep is making you fat and a third of us blow our tax returns instantly!
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Most of us worry about the way our house smells, a ton of us are naming our rides, cat owners get laid more than dog owners and Busch Light.....is selling a very Busch Light product.
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And just like that, March is done. We take our pets and jobs seriously, the Earth may be leaking, you can get pickle flavored ice cream and we're all coming around to realizing that working hard doesn't work out the way we thought it would.
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Your fingers may be connected to COVID, Denny's wants us all dead, MIT and Harvard are trying to ruin our good time, e-scooters are up and our happiness with buying online is down.
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Panera wants in on the chicken sandwich wars, one fruit may be great for you, some of us are wayyyy too into our pets and have you heard Will Smith slapped a dude?!
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Pepsi and iHop are forming an unholy alliance, unicycles may be the cure for our nation's gas ills, Modelo is multiplying and Michigan has weed money to hand out!
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Epstein Island is up for sale, we have lobster on our minds, Pope needs a raise and we buy the same produce every time we hit the store
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It's National Cocktail Day, the Virgin Islands have the best air, problem drinking is getting to be, well, a problem and Taco Bell is having a birthday!
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Medical weed is getting push back, MGK is going on tour, most of us judge you for your pet's name and most parents believe kids shouldn't be on social media.
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The average price of men's shoes is up, Maury is tapping out, you can live in the Scarface mansion and they go quite hard in Wisconsin!
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It's officially Spring, Kanye West has a date open, Cleveland gives zero effs, Kid Rock is out there Kid Rocking it up and we're getting robo-truckers!!!
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We celebrate Awkward Moments Day with a super awkward index!
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High protein may be killing your little brotein, Crocs is teaming up with the cereal GOAT, there is such a thing as a homeless male model? And FitBit could be lying to you every single day.
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There was a camel rampage down South, breakfast could be your ticket to a raise, Florida is crazy as ever, Russia is buying ammo from Wish and Brady is back baby!!
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Philly is running real hot these days, Taco Bell wants you fueled up for your day, most of us won't even hear of not working from home and it's National Napping Day.....ya know, because of the time change.
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Something that gave us all viruses in 2002 is coming back, you may want to rethink getting a heart transplant from a pig, Florida Boy Scouts are wild and it's prom time!!!
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NASA is interested is space ass, A Georgia loser is in jail over Pokémon, Starbucks is out of Russia and yo, it's the 69th day of 2022!!!!
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Florida likes their children tender, Fred Durst must have a wild backyard, we all know what the saddest song ever is and Jameson wants the cops at your front door.
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Sony is bringing back a piece of our childhoods, a California cop messed around and found out, brews may be shrinking your brain and we like our songs a certain way.
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Cat people are cracking down on Russia, we'd all pick breakfast over dinner, we celebrate the pancake and damn, what a great weekend!!!
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Things are really getting out of hand between Kanye and Pete, Papa Johns wants to help out of work ballplayers, we all hate the same things about vacation and Amazon is Amazoning itself!
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You're working too hard at the gym, oil prices are killing us, Lindsay Lohan has a job or two lined up and what in the Hell is Mulled Wine?
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Russian vodka is out, we all try and fail at decluttering the house, AAA would like to have a word with young males about their driving and we're getting pizza vending machines!
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Border patrol sounds like a tricky job, OnlyFans is also cracking down on Russia, Amanda Bynes wants what Britney got and it's March baby, Spring is coming!!!
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Here we are, the final day of February! Crown Royal has new booze coming out, we all have a decent amount of credit card debt and people are still using AOL DIAL UP!!!????
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Ferrari has a new ride coming out, the Queen is doing well (?), we can't deal without our phones and Michigan had a big week at the office!!!
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Kanye can't come to SNL anymore, the interior of your car is worse than a toilet, time to celebrate the humble tortilla and houses have gotten even more expensive!!!
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Vegetables may not be all they're cracked up to be, Florida is running white hot with crazies this week, someone has to study hamster nuts and Putin had a big day at the office yesterday.
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OMG IT'S 2/2/2022!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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We eat an insane amount of cheese, way more of us feel confident in out investment skills, almost half of us get high on food and it's President's Day!
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The four day work week is catching on, half of us have a coworker we can't stand, gas could be getting MUCH more expensive and it's National Drink Wine Day!
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Poor sleep could be a marriage killer, the human eye has super sight, pain relievers can mess up your hearing and Hostess wants us all dead.
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Utah women sound crazy, almost every parent thinks raising kids is harder than it has ever been, way more people haven't had sex in the last year than you'd think and a TikTok mom is making bank......selling something.....to people.
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It's National Singles Day and I'm celebrating, we have 11 items on our bucket lists, Kanye West is freaking out on Instagram and we may soon have our very own No Fly List!
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Super Bowl is over, owning a home is the hardest, there is a Seed Vault? Also lovers, it's Valentine's Day!!
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Hardee's hates car interiors, watching TV could help you sleep, McDonald's is bringing back a seasonal treat and it's Super Bowl weekend baby!!
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We're piling on debt, it's obscenely cold in Alaska, sex can unlock secrets, Florida women sound like a handful and Gumby is still a thing!
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The pandemic is ruining your sight, most of don't think we'll ever be financially comfortable, staying in bed an hour could make you lose weight and Coke drinkers have an educational edge over drinkers of another cola!
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Sonic wants to get your drunk, we celebrate a Queen not named Jason or Warren, homeless guys may nest in your trunk and the two worst airlines are merging!
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Sex addict men may have relief on the way, Southwest Airlines is unleashing the booze, Tyson is bringing the chicken romance and DoorDash wants to get you laid!
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Aston Martin unleashes a beast, churches are seeing a spike in digital membership, most of us watch how you treat your pet and we are in some serious National debt!!
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Things are getting wild in Texas' butterfly community, men are most at risk for sexual blackmail online (duh!) CMU is in hot water and it's Groundhog Day!
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Getting rid of $1 bills can save a load of dough, some of us would not sleep with a fan of an opposing team, people/person want TaB cola back and Kid Rock is laying down the law....or something.
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We're getting hard orange juice, we hate one house project more than any other, way too many of us would shave for pizza and Little Debbie ice cream has landed. You'll never guess where.....
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Welp, they found out when society will collapse, being tired after a walk is bad, bad news, Big Ben is done and a Michigan school had to make a pathetic announcement.
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A Florida man is caught being a Florida man, Sean Payton is out in NOLA and he's taking his lips with him, Neil Young makes Spotify choose and hey, the most PornHub obsessed cities aren't even in the U.S!
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Krispy Kreme wants your blood, red wine could ward off the virus, Facebook has a new computer and it's National Spouses Day!
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We lose a ton of sleep over debt, being a Dad could kill you, crying is good for you, we're getting new Coke cans and it's National Florida Day, crack open a 30-pack and celebrate!
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Snow rocked us over the weekend, there is a new vodka on the market, Busch Light is giving away an ice shanty and the Packers are out of the post season yo!
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Social media can affect your mood (duh!) we may have a cure for arthritis, there is a new biggest potato and Oscar Meyer may help you find your Cinderella!
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Oil is up, China hates hamsters, an Applebee's in Texas doesn't mess around when it comes to margaritas, America's favorite hot sauce is revealed and it's National Disc Jockey Day!
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Over half of us are thinking about betting on ourselves, California is about to up the price of doing business, sleeping is better than laying on the couch watching "The Office" and Adele scalpers are insane.
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Wordle is everywhere, IHOP is killing us, Walmart wants it's own Metaverse, most of us hate our smiles and it's National Michigan Day?
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A tsunami may be headed to the West Coast, most parents feel like it's pretty rad raising a kid, Netflix wants more money and 11,000 of us are freaks!!
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Wild Card weekend is finally here! Inflation is higher than your college roommate, Mom most likely wants an overnight trip for Valentine's Day and we're getting new Jameson!! Bottoms up!
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We're betting like crazy these days, Bud wants to give you a million dollars, you may be drinking wine like a n00b and BK may be rolling out new Whoppers!
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Man I must've been tired yesterday.....that was supposed to be the 11th, today is the 12th. Woof.
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They have housekeeping robots now, men don't rate themselves very high on the 10 scale, we have a new variant on our hands and loads of us are quitting our jobs this year.
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Walmart needs some of their beef back, Taco Bell has a subscription service, half of us are about to call it quits on Dry January and we already have our first fired coaches of the off-season!
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Luxury auto makers are having a fun time, North Dakota seems to be built differently, Tampa is killing the housing market these days and it's National Bobblehead Day!
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Like celebrities? I have bad news for you! We never get rid of our checking account, Joe Exotic wants into your wallet and it's the one year anniversary of the Insurrection!
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RIP Blackberry, KISS is up for sale, most teens are slacking on something, Chipotle does not care about your underwear and Apple is the first $3T company ever!
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Booyah! The first Index of the new year!
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Last Index for the year! Thank you for all the listens this year, I hope you enjoyed them as much as I enjoy writing them! Cheers and we'll see you back here on 1/4/2022!
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Flava Flav nearly got smoked, O.J. is a free man, we may have a seafood shortage, none of us are doing well between the ears and the Bears and Lions are in a league by themselves!
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Half of us are super judgy around the holidays, Wheaties is old AF, Elon Musk is the best we could do this year? VR porn use is up for a certain demographic and if you have multiple cats TODAY IS YOUR DAY!!
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Urban Meyer is having a rough go of it this week, UFo sightings mean something for your brain, Travis Scott's seltzer is going buh-bye and Pat McAfee cashed in big this week!
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Sam's Club has a "treat" for non-meat eaters, the government made bank in 2021, nearly half of us are gonna be on the job hunt next year and half of drinkers driving home shouldn't be.
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New Zealand is clamping down on smoking, China is clamping down on testicles, Pop Tarts has a new flavor and SuperFran stops by!
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We learn to say the most mispronounced words of 2021, why Walmart has greeters, how many small wins you can expect in a day and find out about a very unfortunately named metal band!
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Man we have some fat kids on our hands, dog owners love spoiling their pooches, dudes get hit by lightning more than anyone and we have some food and tire merger news!
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Cannibal Corpse is getting into the grooming business, the Whopper turns 64 this week, cocaine and politics mix well in Britain and it's National Illinois Day!
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There is a job opening at CNN, your brain burns a ton of calories, Australia is #1 at something, your Dad really will turn the damned car around and it's Saint Nick Day!
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COVID strikes a real tough guy, our taste in music does not match our age, Tel Aviv sounds pricey as Hell, most of us have been victimized by porch pirates and it's National Bartender Day baby!!!
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A criminal is a Tesla fan on a Caravan budget, over half of us are easy to shop for, the World's scariest 11 year old lives in Chicago and let Miller High Life decorate your house for the holiday.
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Money saving tips for Marilyn Manson, we're all blowing loads of dough on impulse shopping right now, we do 8 good deeds a month and damn it man it's already December!!
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Another old timer wants back in the ring, a Vikings stud ends his season, Canada has quite the syrup stash and what is Johnny Depp trying to sell us these days? Man, November is already done? WTF?!
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Lindsay Lohan is off the market, Jim Beam wants to freshen up your breath for law enforcement, LeBron James is out $15K, U of M is causing a baby wave and shopping was down this Black Friday!
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The Lions and the Bears are fixin' to put on a show tomorrow, Will Smith has a whole book that sounds like a big pudly brag, we're sleeping on doing toad venom and Thanksgiving means it's time for our annual Thanksgiving joke!
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10% of us have serious trust issues, most of us use our phones to avoid talking to people, Reese's is daring you to eat candy for breakfast and it's National Espresso Day!!
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Firewood and junk car prices are at an all time high, wrapping gifts sucks to most of us, the Lions are nothing if not consistent, we're traveling a lot this holiday and almost all of us use are phones on the toilet.
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Red Vines has a new holiday flavor, mashed potatoes are the Thanksgiving GOAT, we're all dreading the holidays and some Michigan parents are in the hunt for new daycare.
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The Packers are raising money, we're all putting on 8lbs this holiday season, the McMuffin is 50 and a third of us would give up the internet for a year for a certain ability.
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There is a huge virgin in Texas, truffles are serious business these days, Applebee's has a tasty new app that could ruin date night and if you're just hearing about the 3lb. Reese's Cup you're out of luck trying to buy one!
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Marilyn Manson has a troubling feature in his home, China is ballin' over us in the wealth department, "1000lb Sisters" is back Bezos has some odd thoughts on space and it's National Indiana Day!
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Spain is going to have a rough holiday season, we clean our house a ton of times every month, Big Ben has COVID, most of us are using slang we don't know the meaning of and half of us think we're way more interesting than we are.
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Vermont is giving me high school vibes, Taco Bell has a new menu all star, we al waste more time now than ever and Cam Newton is back babay!
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Elon Musk lost an astonishing amount of money this week, we blow a ton on our pets every year, Dr. Oz is running for office, Arby's wans into your liquor cabinet and Pop Tarts is into the dairy aisle! Happy Veteran's Day!
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The price of Winter is going up, most of us are pretty unwilling to lend a hand, many of us cant run up some dang stairs and it's USMC's birthday!
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Emilio Estevez is out of work, Perdue has a new sad Thanksgiving treat, Baby Shark is gonna cost a jail some money, AMC is looking for a side gig and let's celebrate National Scrapple Day!
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OBJ is out of a job, Mattel wants their bosses to do "pop-ins," we have new entries into the Toy Hall of Fame and it's National Harvey Wallbanger Day!!
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Pete Davidson is a master swordsman, some of us bathe with our pets, lusty deer are on the loose and Baskin-Robbins wants us to stay fat.
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Joe Exotic is once again asking for your help, Aaron Rodgers has the Rodgers rate and the COVID, Qanon folks are still wild as Hell and the Lob is making your life easier and cheaper!
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75% of us are HUGE liars, Nestle is going to get your kids taken away, Gen Z has some tough thoughts on Facebook and Nikki Sixx is giving back to them kids!
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KISS is closing up shop in Vegas, we're all pessimists, women got wild during the pandemic and if the zombies come, avoid NYC at all costs!
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HOLY CRAP it's already November!!!!
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And just like that, Rocktober has ended for another year. Microsoft says our passwords have been compromised, there is a new bar in Iowa and it sounds awful, smoking is up and Halloween is Sunday babayyyy
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We have a new record for the most money made in a single day, a gross viral TikTok, Doritos is bringing back a crowd favorite and a classic board game is becoming a movie!
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A whole lot of us ruined something in the kitchen amid the pandemic, its National American Beer Day, colleges are going to be ghost towns someday and the price of giving thanks has never been higher!
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Working at home has been great for us, we've pinpointed the most stressful age, some of us would rather hide a mess, Bears got some positivity and I found out what "L.A." actually stands for!
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The MyPillow guy is out of another job, Conor McGregor lost his dog, we're a judgy bunch when it comes to work, there is a pork recall and it's National Nut Day!
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Facebook is changing it's name, we're about to run out of food, a Japanese man is under arrest for doing what he has to do and fellas, great news if your date likes beer!!
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Flava Flav is in trouble, napping can give you a boost, Ben Simmons got booted out of practice and it's a big day at the Kluck house!
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Hooters is under fire for their new gear, Conor McGregor sounds like the life of the party, FedEx package tracker is a bit off and the NBA is back!
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The real estate market in LA sounds like fun, Superman's motto is changing, Elon Musk got stupid rich over the weekend and Wendy's has a new French fry guarantee!
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Social media is not very good for us, over half of renters are cool where they're at, Dog is still out there doin' work and it's National Bosses Day!
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We have a new pub crawl World record, Sebastian Bach and Aaron Lewis don't care for each other, we're getting new M&Ms and it's Jason's big day!
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It's National Stop Bullying Day, breeding season for Florida Man, rough week for Dog The Bounty Hunter and it turns out weed may help you get COVID? IDK.
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Spain is offering money to basement monsters, none of us can afford mental health care, Pepsi has a new flavor, and what a rough day if your last name is Gruden
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DiGiorno is trying to kill us, TikTok is denying a certain challenge exists, Lego is releasing their largest set ever and a classic show joke from Friday falls flat over the weekend.
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Tesla is on the move, most of us would get into a fight over our pet, BK is getting some new nuggs, and great news if you were a class clown!!!
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JT and Jessica Biel are offloading their sex mansion, a new flavor of Pop Tarts has hit the shelves, it's National Frappe Day, Wendy's is getting into the cereal game and your gassiness may have a link to your mental health!
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Talking with strangers can be good for you, we're getting a new Snickers flavor, things are chillier than normal down South, oil is high as Hell and KFC is bringing back a classic!
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The BMV is shutting down a few branches, Oprah has very few friends, Urban Meyer had a rough Monday and if you're 50 and older there is some great news out there for you!
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DLR is hanging it up, half of us only exercise for one reason, Dog The Bounty Hunter is out there working and the Lions need to make a change.
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ROCTOBER BABY! We're worrying about drugs in Halloween candy again, Kanye is selling a $90 hoodie, Dollar Tree is jacking up it's prices and none of us believe weight loss photos when we see them!
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And poof, just like that September is over!
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A&W thinks pretty highly of themselves, Outback Steakhouse wants you dead, Chipotle wants to blow up your toilet and this could be your last week eating dog in South Korea.
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Mama June is back on the market, that Nevermind kid is an odd duck, half of us had a dumpster life last year, the Lions and the Chiefs have something in common and it's National Drink Beer Day! Stay thirsty my friends.
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A piece of American history is up for sale, most of us have three credit cards, MGK may have messed with the wrong fan base and music may make your family closer!
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A Kardashian makes it to SNL, weed is hitting the fairgrounds, we like our life hacks in the kitchen, and you can get gin-infused pickles!
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Amazon wants to be our drug dealer too, some of us are too comfy pooping at home to ever go back to the office, British people are drunk in almost all their Facebook pics and some of our impromptu conversation about detasseling.
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Britney is back baby! Old bananas may save your life, Cheetos and Doritos Flamin Hot sauces are heading your way and only half of seniors are out there on the interwebz...
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Americans have voted on the best driving song of all time, we're getting studio "updates," the Koreas are at it again, food is hella pricey these days and it's a very sacred day for Jason Lee!
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People are faking championship rings? School bathrooms are trashed these days, Pennsylvania is cracking down on the good times, the Lions got diced up in Green Bay and hug an IT professional!
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There may be another Kardashian sex tape floating around, half of us dream about what's on the menu the next day, Popeye's is legit trying to kill you and what age should you feel like an adult?
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Britney Spears broke our hearts this week, a Napa winery has maybe the best worst idea for a wine bottle ever, a third of Texas is fat AF, and the new Roomba avoids dog poop. Carry on!
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Baskin Robbins is bringing back a classic, Putin may have COVID, Taco Bell is testing a Taco Pass...and something was wrong with Jason's mic so excuse the garbage audio...
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Scientists have found binge watching may ACTUALLY shrink your brain, college kids ain't what they used to be, there is a peak age for having fun (spoiler: you passed it) and there are two different types of sweat!
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Panera is testing a chicken sandwich that will need a stick of gum chaser, squirrels have personalities, face lifts for men are a thing and all the hilarity from the NFL week 1!
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We refuse to throw away plastic, the inventor of the Happy Meal has passed on, it costs too much to not be a pig and it's National TV Dinner day!
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Half of renters have the same worry, Mercedes has maybe the smartest car of all, Honey Baked Ham wants into your wallet and you can buy a very pricey murder car!
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We waste LOADS of time scrolling through Netflix looking for something to watch, we're all gonna be losing money on the NFL this year, we lost a Tiger King, and we have a new variant!!
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Back after an extended weekend! TB12 got the COVID, we all have string opinions about drinking water, Machine Gun Kelly gets physical and men are giving up the online porno.
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You can't yell a certain work at PGA events anymore, half of teachers are thinking about hanging it up, half of KISS is out, the CDC would like a word about your Labor Day plans and a new (maybe good?) pumpkin spice drink is on the way!
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David Allen Coe? More like David Allan COVID, am I right? McD's may be shutting down all their dining rooms, Jake Paul is done boxing and China is grounding like ALL their kids.
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Oh Lord, where did August go? We have a new COVID variant, Wendy's wants you dead, CVS is getting into the shrink business and Flamin' Hot Mt. Dew goes on sale today!!
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