Kim DeYoung: Recent Episodes

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When you’re making choices while bracing for a loss that hasn’t happened yet, you’re not living your life. You’re already living the loss. The fear of what might be coming doesn’t just live in your worried thoughts. It’s quietly shaping where you’ll live, what work you’ll take, and how you’ll plan your next five years.

I learned this truth while watching my father decline from Alzheimer’s. In those years before he moved to memory care, I made choices I thought were about being responsible: keeping my schedule flexible, staying geographically close, turning down opportunities that might take me away when he needed me. But what I didn’t see then was how much I was already living his loss before it fully arrived. I was choosing from fear of what was coming rather than from the life we still had.

My friend Jen’s husband had a brain MRI last month because they had concerns about cognitive changes. While the results didn’t show anything definitive yet, every choice she needs to make now has a weight she can’t quite name. Should they move closer to family? Should she scale back her consulting work? Should they buy the house they’ve been looking at, or wait to see what happens?

“I keep thinking,” she tells me, “what if he needs more care in two years? What if I take on this new client and then can’t follow through? What if we commit to a house and then everything changes?”

Although her voice is calm and rational, and she sounds like she’s being responsible, what I hear underneath is something else entirely. She’s already living the loss she’s trying to avoid.

This is anticipatory grief, and it doesn’t announce itself. It disguises itself as prudence, as love, as responsibility. You’re not choosing from your life as it is. You’re choosing from fear of what it might become.

The cost is profound: you lose the person twice. Once in your fear, and once when the loss actually arrives.

There’s a difference between acknowledging reality and choosing as if the loss has already happened. Jen’s husband might decline. That’s real. But adjusting her entire life right now to accommodate a future that hasn’t arrived yet isn’t preparation. It’s living as if the loss has already happened.

The protection you think you’re creating by staying close to family, keeping work flexible, and holding off on commitments is costing you your life now.

Looking back at those years with my father, I wish I’d understood that I could have acknowledged the reality of his decline without letting it decide everything. The choices I made from fear didn’t protect me from the grief when it came. They just meant I lived through it twice.

Jen asked me how to know the difference. How do you distinguish between being prepared and being paralyzed? When does acknowledging what might be coming cross into already living it?

I don’t have a formula. But I know that if every choice you’re making is shaped by fear of a loss that hasn’t happened yet, you’re not living your life. You’re living as if it’s already gone. And your life right now, the one that actually exists, deserves more than that.

The question isn’t whether to acknowledge hard possibilities. The question is whether you can acknowledge them without letting them decide everything.

Consider for yourself:

What choices are you making while anticipating losses that haven’t happened yet?

Where has fear of what might be coming started making decisions for you?

How would you choose differently if you were choosing from your life as it actually is right now?

P.S. If this message found you recognizing how fear of future loss has infiltrated your decision-making, here are ways I can support you:

• Schedule a Momentum Experience – When you need help distinguishing between wise acknowledgment and fear-based living, so you can reclaim your choices from losses that haven’t happened yet. [Book your session]
• Read The Book of Choice – Explore how to make choices from reality rather than from fear, even when the future is uncertain. [Get the book]
• Take The Choice Quiz – Discover your decision-making patterns and how anticipatory grief might be shaping your choices without you realizing it. [Start the quiz]
• Work with me privately – If you’re navigating major life choices while carrying fear of future loss, coaching can help you find the ground beneath your feet again. [Let’s connect]
• Explore Choice Mapping Mastery – Learn the visual methodology that helps you see what’s actually driving your decisions, so you can choose from clarity rather than fear. [Learn more]

The post When Fear of Loss is Making Your Choices appeared first on Kim DeYoung.

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We treat choices that hurt people as though they’re mistakes. As if the right answer—the truly good choice—wouldn’t leave anyone with less than they need. But some choices don’t have a version where no one loses.

Steph’s parents are both declining in two different states. Her mother is in Arizona, her father in Florida. They’ve been divorced for thirty years and won’t live in the same state, let alone the same house. Steph is 51, lives in Ohio, and got a text from her brother a few weeks ago that her mother had taken a fall. Nothing was broken, but she was shaken. Her father, managing his own decline with Parkinson’s, was alone.

“I keep thinking there’s an answer I’m missing,” Steph told me in our first session. “Like if I just plan it right, or get the timing perfect, I can be there for both of them. But every time I book a flight to see one, I’m choosing not to be with the other.”

She’d already tried the obvious solutions—finding them each care, hiring help, coordinating with her siblings. All of that was in place, but the choosing remained. What she was really looking for was a way to make the choice without the loss, and that version doesn’t exist.

We spent most of that first session not solving anything. We named what was true: Her mother needed her. Her father needed her. She couldn’t be in two places. Every choice toward one parent was a choice away from the other, and underneath all of it was a quiet, relentless grief that had nowhere to land because there was always another decision to make.

Steph had been carrying the belief that good daughters don’t have to choose between their parents, that if she was doing it right she’d find a way to be enough for everyone. What she learned instead was harder and more honest: the sacrifice wasn’t a sign of failure, it was the choice itself.

I remember the moment she said it out loud: “There’s no version of this where I don’t lose something.”

She was right. There isn’t. There is no version of this where everyone gets what they need.

Stating that truth didn’t make the choosing easier, but she stopped trying to remove the loss. She started asking different questions—not “How do I avoid hurting someone?” but “Which hurt can I live with this week?”

She began tracking her choices differently, not as mistakes to be corrected, but as honest decisions made with incomplete information and real constraints. She’d fly to Arizona, knowing her father was alone in Florida. She’d stay home for a work deadline, knowing both parents were managing without her. She’d call her mother twice in one day and let her father’s call go to voicemail because she had nothing left.

What changed wasn’t the situation but her relationship to the choosing. Her parents are still in different states and she still can’t be in both places, but she’s no longer measuring each choice against some imagined version where everyone gets what they need.

The last time we spoke, she told me: “I used to think being a good daughter meant finding a way to be there for everyone. Turns out, it means being there for someone, knowing what I’m not doing, and choosing anyway.”

She still carries her phone everywhere, books last-minute flights, and feels the pull in two directions. But she’s not trying to make the tension go away anymore. She’s choosing while it still hurts.

Your job isn’t to eliminate the hurt. It’s to choose which hurt you can carry.

Sometimes the hardest choices are the ones where loss is unavoidable. Where in your life are you trying to eliminate a sacrifice that might actually be built into the situation itself? What would shift if you stopped asking “How do I avoid the loss?” and considered asking “Which loss can I choose with intention?”

Not every choice has a version where no one loses. Some choices just ask you to be honest about which loss you can live with.

P.S. If this message found you facing a choice where every option includes loss, here are ways I can support you:

• Schedule a Momentum Experience – When you’re caught between competing commitments and need clarity on what your next choice actually is, this session helps you see what’s true and move forward without second-guessing. [Book your session]
• Read The Book of Choice – Learn how to make decisions that honor what matters most, even when every option includes loss. [Get the book]
• Take The Choice Quiz – Discover your natural approach to difficult decisions and get personalized strategies for moving forward when there’s no perfect answer. [Start the quiz]
• Work with me privately – If you’re navigating impossible choices between people you love, competing responsibilities, or decisions where every option feels like a betrayal… [Let’s connect]
• Explore Choice Mapping Mastery – Develop the inner clarity to make hard choices without losing yourself in the process—especially when the sacrifice is real and unavoidable. [Learn more]

The post “I Can’t Be in Both Places” appeared first on Kim DeYoung.

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By the end of our drive through Sicily, I was sitting with a question I’ve asked myself more times than I want to admit: Do I still want this?

Not the marriage, exactly, but this version of it. This dynamic where silence feels like distance, and I’m the one who has to bridge it.

Here’s what I’ve been afraid to say out loud: I chose well, and I still sometimes feel alone.

This week, my husband and I spent hours driving through the rolling hills of Sicily. One morning we were speaking about how we each process the world: him through his camera, capturing light and composition, me through words and questions, turning observations into frameworks I might use in my facilitation and coaching.

It felt good recognizing this about us. We’re different, and it works.

Then we fell into our familiar pattern. The conversation ended, and we settled into silence. Miles and miles of quiet.

I felt it start, that tightness in my chest, the familiar ache of feeling disconnected even though he was right there. And then came the pressure I always feel: to bring the conversation back, to ask the next question, to fill the space between us.

I’m good at questions. It’s literally what I do for a living. But in those quiet moments, it stops feeling like a gift and starts feeling like a burden, like I’m responsible for keeping us connected, and if I stop trying, the connection will disappear.

We’re taught that feeling alone in a relationship is a warning sign. A signal that something’s wrong, that you chose poorly, that you should leave or at least seriously reconsider.

But what if that feeling doesn’t always mean you chose wrong? What if sometimes it just means you chose someone whose way of being doesn’t perfectly match yours, and that gap creates occasional distance, and that’s part of what you chose?

He’s told me that for him, the silence IS connection. A different form of it. He experiences our time together as energy, presence and shared emotion, things that don’t need words. The quiet, for him, is full. It’s companionship.

For me, silence is loud. It amplifies every doubt, every distance, every question about whether we’re actually together or just occupying the same space. I channel emotion through language, and without words, I can’t find the thread between us. What feels like intimacy to him registers as absence to me.

We’re not just different. We’re speaking different languages of connection, and neither of us is wrong.

This is the man I chose. This actual person who sees the world through a lens and finds his peace in stillness. Who experiences our drives together as full of something I’m still learning to feel.

And sometimes, in those long silences, I feel alone.

I used to think those two things couldn’t both be true. That if I felt disconnected, it meant I’d chosen wrong. That choosing someone well meant the distance would eventually disappear.

Now I’m learning they can coexist: I chose well. And sometimes I feel alone. That feeling doesn’t negate the choice.

What makes this so hard to accept is that we’re conditioned to see disconnection as a problem to solve. If you feel distant, something needs to change. Either he needs to change, or the relationship needs to change, or you need to leave.

But what if that distance is just the natural friction between two different ways of being? What if it’s not a sign that something’s broken, but simply the space between his way of experiencing connection and mine?

This doesn’t mean I should ignore how I feel or pretend it doesn’t matter. It’s real. It’s uncomfortable. Some days it feels unbearable.

But it also doesn’t mean my choice was wrong.

I could be with someone who processes the way I do, who fills the space with words instead of leaving it quiet. That person exists. And I’d probably feel less disconnected in certain moments.

But I’d also lose this man who I chose for reasons that go deeper than compatibility. I’d lose the way he sees beauty I’d miss on my own. The steadiness of his presence. The peace he’s taught me to value, even when I can’t fully inhabit it.

The question I’m sitting with isn’t “Did I choose wrong?” It’s whether the distance can exist without making it mean something catastrophic about my choice.

This requires something I’m not naturally good at: letting the feeling exist without making it mean something about my choice. Feeling it, honoring it, and also remembering that it’s just one part of a much more complex truth.

Some days I feel the weight of being the one who always initiates. Some days the silence feels unbearable. And some days I wonder what it would be like to never feel this particular ache.

But then I remember: I chose this man. Not just once, but continuously. Not because he’s perfect for me, but because he’s who I want beside me, silence and all.

Maybe the work isn’t making the distance disappear. Maybe it’s learning to let it be there without letting it tell me my choice was wrong.

If you’ve ever felt a form of tension in a relationship with someone you genuinely chose, you might recognize this. We’re taught that ongoing discomfort means something’s wrong, that you picked poorly, that you should reconsider.

Maybe it’s feeling alone like I do. Maybe it’s feeling misunderstood by someone who loves you deeply. Maybe it’s wanting more adventure with a partner who finds peace in routine. Maybe it’s needing more space with someone who thrives on togetherness.

Maybe it’s the particular restlessness that comes from being with someone whose pace of life doesn’t match yours, or the specific frustration of loving someone whose way of showing care doesn’t register as care to you.

But sometimes that tension is just the cost of choosing someone whose way of being creates occasional friction with yours. And that friction doesn’t mean the choice was wrong. It just means you’re two different people trying to be together, and sometimes the gap between you feels uncomfortable.

I chose him. I still choose him. And sometimes I feel alone.

All three are true, and I’m learning to let them be.

P.S. If this letter found you holding multiple truths about your own relationships—that you chose well and still feel disconnected sometimes, or that love doesn’t always feel the way you thought it would—here are ways I can support you:

• Schedule a Momentum Experience – When you’re trying to hold complex truths about your choices without making one truth cancel out the others, this session helps you find clarity about what’s actually yours to carry. [Book your session]
• Read The Book of Choice – Discover how the choices you make—including choosing to stay when it’s not always comfortable—create the life you’re living. [Get the book]
• Take The Choice Quiz – Your approach to honoring hard truths in relationships often mirrors how you handle all your choices. Discover your choice-making style. [Start the quiz]
• Work with me privately – If you’re navigating the space between “I chose well” and “This is still hard,” let’s talk about what that means for you. [Let’s connect]
• Explore Choice Mapping Mastery – When you’re holding truths that seem to contradict each other, this program teaches you how to access your own knowing about what’s real for you. [Learn more]

The post The Loneliness of Choosing Well appeared first on Kim DeYoung.

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When we first met, Marjorie still introduced herself by her title, out of habit more than pride.

‘Hi, I’m Marjorie,’ she said, quickly adding, ‘I used to lead strategy for one of the largest firms in New York.’

It’d been six weeks since she’d left her role abruptly. Her calendar was empty and her days felt long. Her mornings, once stacked with meetings, were now uncomfortably wide open. The absence of emails made her uneasy. She’d scroll through LinkedIn, watching colleagues announce promotions and new ventures while she sat at her kitchen table with nowhere to go.

She wasn’t sure what she was looking for, proof she still mattered, maybe, or permission to stop pretending she was fine.

We spent our first few sessions just naming what was gone. The role had given her structure. The title had given her a shorthand for who she was. Without them, even ordinary moments felt disorienting.

‘I used to know exactly who I was,’ she said. ‘Now, I don’t even know what to say when people ask what I do.’

The first emotion that surfaced was grief. Not just for the job, but for who she’d been inside it. Her days had been built on recognition. She was the one people turned to, the one who knew the answers. Without that, she felt unmoored.

What Marjorie was experiencing, and what I’ve watched others experience, is that you can’t rebuild until you’ve actually let yourself feel what you lost. And Marjorie sensed there was learning for her if she could stand in her discomfort.

Her title wasn’t just a credential, it was evidence she mattered. Her salary wasn’t just income, it was confirmation of her value. And her meetings weren’t just work, they were daily proof that she belonged somewhere.

When everything fell away, she was left with hard questions: Who was she when no one was watching and there was no performance to give? Who was she when she had nothing external to point to as proof she mattered?

About a month into our work together, Marjorie was still asking herself if she could get through this.

Not whether she’d survive, she had a roof over her head, and money in the bank, but whether she could figure out who she was without all the usual markers. Without the roles she’d been carrying, without her credentials to lead with, and without the daily confirmation that she mattered.

She’d walk into the grocery store at 2 p.m. on a Tuesday feeling like everyone could see she had nowhere to be. She’d go to the gym and self-consciously realize she didn’t know what to do with herself when exercise wasn’t sandwiched between meetings. She’d meet a friend for lunch and panic when asked, ‘So what are you up to these days?’

Most people, when they hit this point, start immediately looking for the next role. They fill their calendar, take on projects, and volunteer for things, anything to not feel exposed.

Marjorie was choosing something different. Her choice wasn’t whether to leave her job, that was already done. Her choice was whether to rush into the next thing to stop feeling discomfort, or to stay with it long enough to see what it had to teach her.

The situation Marjorie found herself in isn’t unusual. I’ve watched many people hit this threshold, often in their 50s and 60s, after years of being one thing and suddenly not being that thing anymore. It’s disorienting in a way that’s hard to explain to people who haven’t been through it.

Here’s what makes it so disorienting: You can’t just slot yourself into the next role. You don’t know what you want yet because what you wanted was built on who you were. And that person—the one who knew exactly where she belonged and what mattered—doesn’t quite fit anymore.

So there’s this awkward in-between where you’re figuring out what’s actually yours versus what you thought you should be. What you genuinely want to build versus what you thought you should want. What you want the world to see versus what you were showing them because it was what you knew.

Figuring out what’s next often takes longer than you think it should. It’s been four months since Marjorie left, and she’s still not through. Most days still feel uncertain, but she’s not rushing to fill the space anymore. She’s learning to trust that this emptiness might actually be making room for something she couldn’t have seen when her calendar was full.

If Marjorie’s story stirred something, here are some questions to consider:

• What are you holding onto because you think it proves your worth?
• If you couldn’t use your job or title to explain who you are, what would you say instead?
• What if not knowing what’s next is exactly where you need to be right now?

Sometimes the hardest choice isn’t deciding what comes next. It’s deciding to be okay not knowing yet.

P.S. If this message found you wondering whether to fill the empty space or stay with what it might be showing you, here are ways I can support you:

• Schedule a Momentum Experience – When you’re between identities and the pressure to move quickly feels overwhelming, this session helps you see what’s actually yours to build next—without rushing past what you need to learn first. [Book your session]
• Read The Book of Choice – Discover how the choice to wait, even when it feels uncomfortable, can reveal what you actually want versus what you think you should want. [Get the book]
• Take The Choice Quiz – Understanding your decision-making style helps you recognize when you’re filling space out of panic versus building from clarity. [Start the quiz]
• Work with me privately – If you’re in that awkward in-between and everyone’s asking what’s next, let’s talk about how to trust your own timing instead of theirs. [Let’s connect]
• Explore Choice Mapping Mastery – Learn to hear your own wisdom when the pressure to have answers feels loudest, and develop the confidence to choose waiting when that’s what’s needed. [Learn more]

The post The Choice Most People Don’t Make appeared first on Kim DeYoung.

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For three days, the resignation letter sat on Martha’s desk. Each morning she’d move it aside, carefully, as if it might break, and tell herself she’d deal with it later.

When she finally brought it to our coaching session, she said, “I keep thinking I should just sign this thing, but something feels unfinished.”

I asked what unfinished meant to her.

“Like maybe I’m making too big a deal out of normal career restlessness. Like I should be grateful for what I have.”

Martha had spent fifteen years building her career as a senior fashion merchandiser. The role offered security, status and recognition. But when I asked her what she wanted her work to mean, she struggled to find the words.

“I don’t know if I’m allowed to want it to mean something,” she confessed.

That admission opened something. We started mapping the details of her choice—not the stay-or-go decision she thought she was making, but the deeper question underneath: could she choose to give herself permission to want something different than what she’d always said she wanted?

As we pulled apart what was really influencing her decision, we discovered the old and limiting stories she’d been carrying as truth. Sensible people don’t walk away from security. Good jobs are hard to find. You’re too established to start over now.

Sigining the resignation letter wasn’t the real choice. The choice was whether she’d keep letting those stories decide for her.

I’ve watched this pattern show up across all kinds of decisions. A client spent six months saying she wanted to set boundaries with her mother, but every conversation ended with her backing down. When we mapped what was really happening, we found an old belief that protecting herself meant she was being difficult. The boundary wasn’t the choice, the choice was whether her needs mattered as much as keeping the peace.

Another client kept his partner at arm’s length emotionally while saying he wanted more intimacy. He’d rehearse vulnerable conversations in his head but never have them. As we explored what was underneath, he realized he’d been taught that needing closeness was weakness. The choice wasn’t about the relationship, it was about whether he’d risk being seen as weak to be known.

I see it in smaller moments too. Scrolling past job postings that excite you because wanting them feels presumptuous. Staying quiet when plans don’t work because your preferences feel like an imposition. Dismissing creative projects as selfish because wanting time for yourself feels indulgent.

Sometimes what looks like indecision is actually the quiet work of recognizing what you’ve been telling yourself about what you’re allowed to want.

Martha didn’t sign the letter that day, but something shifted in how she looked at it. Two weeks later, she told me she’d put it in a drawer—not to forget about it, but because the choice it represented had changed. She wasn’t deciding whether to leave her job anymore. She was deciding what kind of work life she wanted to build.

The letter might come back out. Or not. What mattered was that she could finally see what the choice was really about.

What choice are you debating that might actually be about permission?

What have you been telling yourself you’re not allowed to want?

Sometimes the choice hiding beneath your choice is the one that changes everything.

P.S. If this message found you recognizing a choice that might be about something deeper, here are a few ways I can support you:

• Schedule a Momentum Experience – When you’re ready to see what’s really at stake in a choice you’re making, this one-on-one session helps you move from surface decisions to choosing from what’s true. [Book your session]
• Read The Book of Choice – Discover how bringing consciousness to your choices reveals what truly matters and what you’ve been telling yourself you can’t want. [Get the book]
• Take The Choice Quiz – Identify your decision-making patterns and what drives the choices you make. [Start the quiz]
• Work with me privately – Whether you’re navigating a decision that feels stuck or facing other choices that need clarity, let’s explore what’s really asking for your attention. [Let’s connect]
• Explore Choice Mapping Mastery – If you’re ready to see beyond surface decisions and recognize what your choices are really about, this self-paced program gives you a reliable process for making decisions with confidence. [Learn more]

The post The Choice Hiding Beneath Your Choice appeared first on Kim DeYoung.

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While I haven’t recorded my audiobook yet, I jerry-rigged a way for Siri to read my book, The Book of Choice, to me so I could listen during my morning walks this week.

Hearing my words spoken in Siri’s voice felt like connecting to an old friend. I absorbed ideas I’d lived with for so long, experiencing them in a refreshingly new way.

Listening reminded me of the book’s core message: what does it mean to make choices consciously, with real intentionality?

Many of us have not been taught to bring consciousness to making our meaningful choices—it’s a muscle that requires practice to develop and sensitivity to cultivate. Without pausing to reflect on the nuances of our choices, we may make decisions by default rather than by design. The shift becomes possible when we move from letting life happen to us to choosing thoughtfully and acting intentionally.

My client Ali received a job offer that would double her salary but require relocating across the country from her aging parents. Her first instinct was to consider the practical benefits, addressing the finances and logistics. During our coaching conversation, I asked her, “What’s at stake beyond the job itself?”

Reflecting, she realized her choice had more layers than just career advancement—it was about what kind of daughter she wanted to be. Her father had early signs of memory loss, and her mother was becoming his primary caregiver. Would she choose financial security and career growth over being present during what might be her parents’ most vulnerable years?

As we dissected the details of her choice, she acknowledged she’d been avoiding the emotional weight of the decision by focusing only on the practical aspects. Bringing intentionality to her choice meant facing an uncomfortable truth: either path involved real loss. She could miss career opportunities or miss irreplaceable time with her parents, but with awareness she could choose deliberately rather than avoiding the emotional reality. She ultimately chose to stay, negotiating a remote work arrangement that gave her both professional growth and proximity to her family.

During one of our sessions, my client Eric described a pattern he kept falling into with his brother. Every conversation about their father’s estate turned into the same argument of who got what, who deserved more, and who had sacrificed more for their dad. I asked him what he actually wanted from these conversations.

His answer caught him off guard—he wanted his brother back, not to win another battle. He saw clearly that he’d been choosing to be right instead of choosing their relationship. He was using their father’s death as fuel for old grievances rather than an opportunity to rebuild what mattered.
In a future session, Eric shared a different story. When he felt his anger rising during yet another estate discussion, he remembered our conversation and asked himself: ‘What do I actually want from this conversation?’ This time, instead of launching into familiar arguments, he said, “I miss dad, and I miss feeling connected to you.” The conversation that followed was the first real one they’d had in years. The estate details still needed sorting, but now they were working together instead of against each other.

In both examples, the pattern broke when they moved from focusing on the surface decision to examining what they were really choosing underneath.
This is what conscious choosing looks like. It’s the willingness to pause and examine not just your options, but what’s really at stake in your decision. It’s asking yourself: What kind of person do I want to be through this choice? What am I actually choosing between? What relationships or values are at stake here?

The most intentional people I know don’t make perfect choices. They make conscious ones. They’ve learned to recognize when they’re focusing on surface factors—whether that’s addressing only practical considerations to avoid emotional complexity, or falling into familiar patterns that don’t serve them—and they’ve developed the capacity to pause and choose differently.

I often hear people say they’re afraid of making the wrong choice, as if there’s one perfect answer waiting to be discovered. But choosing consciously isn’t about finding the right answer—it’s about understanding why you’re choosing what you’re choosing, and being willing to act on what you discover.

What would change if you brought this kind of consciousness to a choice you’re making right now? What patterns might you notice if you paid attention to what drives your daily decisions?

The quality of your life isn’t determined by any single choice, but by the accumulated effect of choosing consciously, day after day, in alignment with what truly matters to you.

P.S. If this message found you thinking about a choice you’re approaching automatically or wondering what drives your decision-making patterns, here are a few ways I can support you:

• Schedule a Momentum Experience – When you’re ready to examine what’s really at stake in a choice you’re making, this one-on-one session helps you move from surface decisions to conscious choosing. [Book your session]
• Read The Book of Choice – Discover how bringing consciousness to your daily choices creates the life you’re living. [Get the book]
• Take The Choice Quiz – Uncover your decision-making patterns and learn to choose from intention rather than autopilot. [Start the quiz]
• Work with me privately – Whether you’re facing important choices or ready to examine what drives your decisions, let’s explore how I can support you. [Let’s connect]
• Explore Choice Mapping Mastery – If you’re ready to develop trust in your ability to make conscious choices, this self-study program teaches you to access your inner wisdom with confidence. [Learn more]

The post What Are You Really Choosing? appeared first on Kim DeYoung.

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Some time ago, I worked with Amanda, a marketing director wrestling with something she couldn’t quite name about her life as both mother and professional. At forty-two, she’d built a career she felt proud of while raising two young children with devotion and presence. From the outside, her life looked like she had it all figured out. Yet she often felt like she was walking with an invisible weight, as if something about her choices never quite felt fully her own.

During our work together, Amanda told me something about her father’s childhood that stayed with me long after our sessions ended. His mother had died when he was young, and though other family members raised him, his mother’s absence left a lasting mark. Amanda’s father carried an idealized picture of what ‘a real mother’ should be—an image born from absence rather than experience. That loss never healed.

Amanda’s father’s unresolved grief created contradictory expectations for his daughter. She felt she needed to be both the family achiever and the perfect mother he’d never had—two roles shaped more by his loss than by who she actually was.

This left Amanda feeling caught in an impossible bind. She loved both her work and mothering, but sensed her father’s confusion about who she’d become. She felt like no matter what she chose to focus on, she was somehow letting him down.

Amanda’s breakthrough came when she could finally see this inherited pattern for what it was. She began distinguishing between what was actually hers to carry and what belonged to her father. The question that shifted everything for her was: What would it look like to live into my own understanding of motherhood and work, rather than trying to resolve an inherited puzzle that was never mine to solve?

Once Amanda could see this clearly, she began to release the guilt she’d carried for years. She started living more fully into her own version of mothering and working—one rooted in her experience and values, not her father’s unprocessed longing.

Last week, while walking each afternoon, I relistened to Galit Atlas’s Emotional Inheritance—a book I’d first read years ago that explores ideas about inherited family patterns. Amanda’s story kept coming back to me as I absorbed Atlas’s insights. Atlas, a psychoanalyst, shows how unprocessed trauma, secrets, and emotional pain get passed down through generations, often unconsciously. She explains how what families don’t talk about—shame, grief, unresolved loss—shapes who we become just as powerfully as what is spoken. We inherit not just physical traits, but what she calls “emotional DNA”—the unresolved emotions of those who came before us.

Amanda’s experience was a perfect example of this emotional inheritance in action. Her unease wasn’t really about her current life at all. It was about carrying the silent weight of her father’s story—his loss, his unhealed grief, the expectations he’d formed without understanding their origin.

This recognition shows up often as I help my clients distinguish between their own authentic desires and the invisible expectations passed down through their families. Once they can separate what’s truly theirs from what they’ve carried for others, they’re free to choose from their own truth rather than trying to resolve someone else’s unfinished story.

You might recognize similar patterns in your own life. If so, consider asking yourself:

• What patterns from your childhood family do you find yourself either repeating or rebelling against in your current choices?
• Where do you feel that familiar tension between who you actually are and who you think you should be to keep someone else comfortable?
• What would change if you could gently set down what was never really yours to carry?

Sometimes the most profound freedom comes simply from seeing these family patterns clearly. Once you can distinguish what’s yours from what you’ve carried for others, you can finally choose from your own truth.

This kind of deep work—helping people separate their authentic desires from family expectations—is exactly what I’m here for. If any of this resonates with you, I’d love to support you in discovering what’s truly yours beneath the weight of what you’ve carried.

P.S. If this message found you recognizing patterns you might have inherited or wondering what’s truly yours to carry versus what belongs to someone else’s story, here are a few ways I can support you:

1. Schedule a Momentum Experience – When you’re ready to explore what’s driving your choices—your own desires or inherited expectations—this one-on-one session helps you distinguish between the two and choose from your authentic truth. [Book your session]
2. Read The Book of Choice – Discover how the choices you make daily—including the choice to honor your inheritance without repeating it—create the life you’re living. [Get the book]
3. Take The Choice Quiz – The way you approach decisions often reveals whether you’re choosing from your own values or trying to solve inherited puzzles. Discover your choice-making style and learn to trust your inner knowing [Start the quiz]
4. Work with me privately – Whether you’re navigating choices that feel heavy with family expectations or learning to separate your truth from inherited stories, let’s explore how I can support you. [Let’s connect]
5. Explore Choice Mapping Mastery – If you’re ready to develop trust in your ability to choose from your own wisdom rather than inherited patterns, this program teaches you to access your inner knowing with confidence. [Learn more]

The post When Your Choices Aren’t Really Yours appeared first on Kim DeYoung.

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There’s a particular kind of stillness that settles in when you’re about to make a hard choice—the charged, uncomfortable kind. Like something’s about to shift, and once it does, you won’t be able to go back.

Rachel sat across from me last year, hands wrapped around her coffee cup, staring at nothing in particular. She was twenty-six, three years out of college, and had been juggling two possibilities for six months: law school, which she’d deferred twice, and her dream job at a nonprofit that kept extending their offer deadline.

“I know what I want to do,” she said quietly. “I’ve known for weeks.”

The nonprofit work lit her up. She talked about it with an energy that never appeared when she mentioned law school. But knowing what she wanted didn’t make the choosing any easier.

“Then what’s keeping you stuck?” I asked.

She was quiet for a long moment. “If I take the nonprofit job, I’ll never be the lawyer my parents wanted me to be. I’ll never have that kind of security or respect. There’s a version of myself I’ll just… never become.”

That’s when I understood. Rachel wasn’t struggling to make the right choice. She was struggling to grieve the choice she wouldn’t make.

We don’t talk enough about this part of choosing—how every meaningful decision closes a door, at least for now. Even when you’re moving toward something you want, you’re also saying no to something else. Another version of life. Another version of yourself.

Rachel had spent months trying to keep both doors open, negotiating deadlines, avoiding the finality of choosing. She thought she was being strategic. Really, she was avoiding the grief.

“What would happen if you just let yourself be sad about the path you’re not taking?” I asked.

Her eyes filled up immediately. “I’d have to admit I’m disappointing people who believed in me.”

“And what else?”

“That I’m giving up something I worked really hard for. That maybe I’m making a mistake.”

We sat with that for a while. Sometimes the most helpful thing I can do is create space for someone to feel what they’ve been pushing away.

When she finally chose the nonprofit job a week later, she called me crying. Not because she regretted the decision, but because she was mourning the lawyer she would never become. The prestigious career. The financial security. The version of herself that would have made her parents proud in a way they could easily understand.

“But underneath all that sadness,” she told me, “there’s this relief. Like I can finally breathe again.”

That’s what I’ve noticed about the choices that matter most. Grief and relief often show up together. You can miss what you left behind and still know you made the right choice.

I think about Rachel when I work with other people facing similar crossroads. The entrepreneur who finally closes the business that’s been limping along for years. The person who chooses to move across the country, knowing they’ll miss their family but understanding that staying feels like dying slowly.

These aren’t clean choices. They all involve loss. But the people who learn to navigate hard choices aren’t the ones who avoid loss. They’re the ones who’ve made peace with it

They understand that trying to keep all doors open means you never fully walk through any of them. They know that indecision is also a choice—and often the most costly one.

Six months later, Rachel sent me a photo from her first day at the nonprofit. She looked tired but alive in a way I hadn’t seen during all those months of deliberating.

“I still think about law school sometimes,” she wrote. “But I’m not the same person who applied two years ago. This version of me needed to choose what felt true, not what felt safe.”

If you’re holding a choice right now—wrestling with what to pursue, what to leave behind, what version of yourself to become—consider: What door have you been afraid to close? What choice have you been postponing because you don’t want to face what you might lose?

The thing about doors is this: when you finally choose to close one, you stop spending all your energy holding it open. You can turn around and see where you actually are. And often, you discover you’re somewhere better than you thought.

Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is choose. Even when it breaks your heart a little.

P.S. If this message found you thinking about a choice you’ve been avoiding or the grief that comes with closing doors, here are a few ways I can support you:

1. Schedule a Momentum Experience – When you’re ready to create space to explore what you want from what you think you should want, this one-on-one session helps you listen to the voice that knows what you actually need. [Book your session]
2. Read The Book of Choice – Discover how the choices you make—including the choice to grieve what you’re leaving behind—create the life you’re living. [Get the book]
3. Take The Choice Quiz – The way you handle difficult decisions often reveals how comfortable you are with loss and change. Discover your choice-making style and learn to trust yourself through uncertainty. [Start the quiz]
4. Work with me privately – Whether you’re facing a choice that involves significant loss or learning to make peace with decisions that don’t feel perfect, let’s explore how I can support you. [Let’s connect]
5. Explore Choice Mapping Mastery – If you’re ready to develop trust in your ability to choose well, even when it means letting go of other possibilities, this program teaches you to access your inner knowing with confidence. [Learn more]

The post When the Right Choice Still Breaks Your Heart appeared first on Kim DeYoung.

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Every single one of us faces moments when we’re standing in the messy middle of a big decision, trying to figure out which way to go. Maybe you’re wrestling with leaving a job that looks great on paper but feels soul-crushing in reality. Or perhaps you’re considering a relationship change that terrifies and excites you in equal measure. Maybe you’re debating whether to move across the country for a fresh start, even though it means leaving everything familiar behind. In these moments, it’s natural for your thoughts to keep circling around and around.

I’ve spent years studying how people navigate these crossroads moments, and what I’ve discovered is that clarity rarely comes from endless contemplation. It comes from creating space for discovery—a place where you can explore your choices with curiosity and creativity.

This is where Choice Mapping comes in. Prior to 2013, my perception of choice was pragmatic and cerebral. While I sensed the significance of my key decisions, I didn’t connect the dots or fully explore how each choice created ripples through my life. Some choices were big and consequential, others small and barely noteworthy. Some I made consciously and intentionally; others were made nonchalantly with little thought for their ramifications.

Then one day, seeking clarity about a significant decision, I created what would later become known as a Choice Map. What began as a personal experiment to make sense of one meaningful choice evolved into something far bigger than I’d ever imagined. As I shared this approach with others—friends, family and clients—I witnessed something extraordinary. People began discovering insights they’d never considered. The maps revealed patterns they hadn’t recognized and wisdom they hadn’t accessed.

Now, over a decade later, after mapping hundreds of choices—from college graduates to CEOs, from career changers to empty nesters—I’ve come to see Choice Mapping as an introspective conversation with yourself—one that helps you explore your choices from new angles and uncover insights that might otherwise stay hidden. Instead of adding more analysis to your decision-making, it creates space for your natural wisdom to emerge.

At the heart of mapping is the art of asking yourself good questions that expand your thinking and widen your perspective. These questions spark an internal dialogue that guide you beneath surface reactions to deeper understanding of what you value most.

Here’s how to begin:

1. Create Your Sacred Space
2. Find a place that inspires your creativity
3. Gather paper and colored pens
4. Take a moment to center yourself—I like to put my hand on my heart and take three deep breaths
5. Draw a circle in the middle of your page and write the choice you’re contemplating inside it

Once you’ve created this space, you’re ready to dive in. This is where your curiosity starts to lead the way.

1. Begin Your ExplorationStart with these questions (but let your curiosity guide you):
2. Why does this choice matter to me?
3. What could hold me back from making this choice?
4. What could become possible as I step into this choice?
5. What actions will I take to bring my choice to life?

Create branches radiating from your circle with a question per branch. Capture your answers in smaller branches. Write your answers in short, clear statements. Each branch becomes part of a larger dialogue with yourself.

As you answer, notice what stirs within you. The real magic often begins when you follow the thoughts that surprise you.

1. Follow the Thread of DiscoveryEach answer often leads to new questions. When an answer intrigues you, draw another branch from it and ask a deeper question. For example, if you wrote “I want more freedom” on one branch, you might ask “What does freedom mean to me?” or “What’s holding me back from feeling free?” Keep following the threads that catch your attention.

As your map grows, you may begin seeing connections between your answers. Circle the ones that surprise you or feel especially meaningful. Come back to these points and ask, “What else wants to be discovered here?” This process helps you move beyond surface answers to uncover deeper truths about your choice.

As your map starts to expand, it’s easy to get caught up in ‘doing it right.’ There is no “right” there is just what’s true for you.

1. Listen for Your Inner WisdomNotice which parts of your map draw you in. Pay attention to the answers that resonate most deeply. These natural responses are your guideposts.

Some helpful tips to enhance your practice:

• Use different colors to represent different aspects of your exploration
• Leave space for new insights to emerge over time
• Remember there is no correct way to map, only a desire to do so
• Date your maps—they become a beautiful record of your journey

Your map is more than words on paper; it’s a mirror reflecting what’s within you. Let it guide you toward what you need to see next.

Choice Mapping is particularly powerful when you’re:

• Exploring a new possibility for your life
• Discovering deeper patterns in your choices
• Creating a vision for your future
• Seeking to understand yourself better

What makes Choice Mapping unique is how it helps you look at your choices impartially, taking responsibility for your actions while maintaining compassion for yourself. It supports you in holding yourself accountable for your thoughts as well as the consequences of your decisions, allowing you to continually learn from and apply the lessons of your choices.

As you begin, remember that the practice of Choice Mapping is about embarking on a journey of self-discovery. There’s no perfect answer waiting to be found—only your truth waiting to be discovered. Each choice you map is an opportunity to know yourself more deeply.

Start with one choice. Draw your circle. Ask your first question. It doesn’t need to be perfect—it just needs to begin. And if you need encouragement along the way, I’m here.

The post Choice Mapping: A Creative Path to Discover Your Truth appeared first on Kim DeYoung.

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There’s a voice that shows up in almost every conversation I have about choice.

It arrives just as someone begins to feel clear about what they want. Right when the path forward starts to feel obvious. And it always asks the same question:

But what will they think?
Last month, I was walking with a friend who mentioned her book club’s recent discussion about career transitions—how many felt stuck between what they knew they wanted and what they thought they should want.

One member had been dreaming of opening a pottery studio. She had the skills, modest funding, even a location in mind. But she couldn’t leave her marketing job.

“Everyone will think I’m having a midlife crisis,” she’d said. “They’ll wonder why I’m throwing away my career for something so frivolous.”

Another was considering homeschooling her struggling teenage daughter—the girl had even asked for the change. But the mother hesitated.

“People will assume I can’t handle public school,” she’d shared. “They’ll think I’m overprotective.”

As my friend recounted this, I found myself thinking about how often we make “they” the decision-maker in our lives.

We give this invisible audience such power. We imagine their judgments, anticipate their questions, and then reshape our choices to avoid their imagined disapproval.

But here’s what struck me: both women were making major life decisions based on what anonymous “they” might think.

“They” weren’t specific people with names and faces. They were a composite, a blur of assumptions drawn from social media posts, overheard conversations, cultural messages, and old voices from the past.

I’ve done this too.

A few years ago, I found myself explaining to friends why I was making shifts to how I worked, not because I owed them an explanation, but because I was afraid they’d think I was losing momentum professionally. The truth was simpler: I wanted more time to focus on the conversation of choice. But somehow I felt I needed to justify work that fueled me to what others expected of me.

When I really examined it, the “they” I was worried about weren’t even people whose opinions I particularly valued. They were an amalgamation of expectations I’d absorbed about what ambition should look like.

When my friend first shared these stories, both women were still stuck—the potter remained in marketing, the mother kept her daughter in traditional school despite the daily struggles. Both were making choices to avoid disappointing people who weren’t even paying attention.

And that’s the thing about “they”—they’re often not watching as closely as we think they are.

Most people are too busy managing their own invisible audiences to spend much time judging ours.

Here’s what I’m learning: The voice that asks “what will they think?” is usually a signal to pause and ask better questions.

• Who specifically am I trying not to disappoint?
• What am I afraid this choice will say about me?
• If I stripped away the need to look consistent, capable, or impressive—what would I choose?

Sometimes the most courageous thing we can do is disappoint “them” so we don’t disappoint ourselves.

For your reflection:

• What decision are you making more complicated because you’re managing how it might be perceived?
• If you could choose without explaining yourself to anyone, what would you do?
• What might become possible if you let “them” think whatever they’re going to think?

Just last week, my friend texted me an update: the pottery studio woman had finally made the leap. She told the book club that the anticipation of judgment was far worse than the reality. Most people were supportive. Some were curious. A few seemed indifferent.

None of them thought she was having a crisis. They thought she was brave.

If you’re holding a choice that feels right inside but hard to defend publicly, you’re not alone in that tension. Sometimes the path forward becomes clear when we stop trying to make it make sense to everyone else.

If you’re wrestling with your own version of “they,” I’d be honored to explore it with you. You can book a session to help you separate the real voices worth listening to from the imaginary ones that might be holding you back.

I’d love to help you return to your own knowing.

The post Who are “they,” really? appeared first on Kim DeYoung.

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Embracing Unexpected InspirationUnexpected inspiration often arrives when we least expect it, breathing new life into the familiar. Last week, I experienced this while preparing for my Journey to Possibility workshop. What unfolded was a beautiful reminder of how we can revitalize our work and lives by staying open to new experiences.

Lessons from the Camino de SantiagoIn early September, I had the privilege of facilitating a conversation with four women who’d walked the Camino de Santiago. Their stories of pilgrimage, transformation and self-discovery resonated deeply with me. As I listened, it struck me how much impact these insights could have on the workshop I was about to lead.

Integrating the Camino’s WisdomInspired by their wisdom, I integrated the Camino metaphors into my Possibility workshop. This provided a robust framework, using pilgrimage-inspired ideas to guide participants through themes like facing the unknown, overcoming challenges, and recognizing the choice inherent in personal growth.

One favorite example from our discussion highlighted the importance of choice: On the Camino, pilgrims often speak of being ‘called’ to walk. Today, we’re exploring what calls you forward in your life. What choice is beckoning you, even if it seems daunting or unclear right now?

Transformative Workshop OutcomesThis focus on personal callings and choices perfectly set the stage for what was to unfold in the workshop.
The result? A workshop reimagined into a deeply enriching experience for six brave women. Each explored making a meaningful choice for the coming year, not just as a planning exercise, but as a pilgrimage of their hearts. The choices they contemplated included:

• I choose to explore my next professional path.
• I choose to write my next book.
• I choose to honor myself while finding my tribe.

Each choice, like the journey of a pilgrim, involved trusting the process, believing that “The Camino provides,” and understanding that progress often comes from small, steady steps rather than giant leaps.

Every choice we make is a brave step toward becoming our true selves.

Renewing Paths and PossibilitiesThis experience was a powerful reminder of how everyday conversations and experiences can significantly enhance our work and lives. By comparing the physical Camino journey to each woman’s personal growth journey, the workshop took on new depth and meaning for all involved.

Invitation to ExploreStay alert to inspiration
Where in your life or work could you infuse some fresh perspective? What recent experiences or conversations might offer new insights if you look at them closely?

Invitation to Explore: This week, identify an aspect of your life or work that could use rejuvenation. Deliberately engage in an activity or conversation outside your usual routine. Afterward, consider how the fresh perspectives gained might invigorate your identified area.

Remember, like the Camino, our journeys of personal growth and choice are ongoing. By staying open to new perspectives and attentive to fresh insights, we can continually renew our paths and possibilities.

Buen Camino on your journey of choice!

The post The Journey of Choice: Lessons from the Camino de Santiago appeared first on Kim DeYoung.

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Decisions are a significant part of our lives, but often, it’s what comes after that truly challenges us—overcoming doubt.That little voice that starts to whisper soon after you’ve made a choice, incessantly nagging and causing you to question if your path is the right one. You likely know the feeling: it’s persistent and can turn your confidence into uncertainty in an instant.

Understanding Doubt in Decision-MakingDoubt often emerges most strongly when we face significant changes—be it transitioning to a completely new career, launching a personal passion project as a business, or deciding to move across the country for a fresh start. It’s all too easy to become entangled in the what-ifs and worst-case scenarios, which can cloud your judgment and dampen your spirit.

While doubt is particularly pronounced during life-altering decisions, it also sneaks into the smaller, day-to-day choices we face—like deciding what to commit to in our schedules or making choices in personal relationships. These might not seem monumental, but they too can stir up feelings of uncertainty and hesitation. Recognizing and managing doubt in these smaller decisions can sharpen your decision-making skills, preparing you for bigger challenges.

But, more often than not, doubt is just fear in disguise. It’s our fear of the unknown, of failure, of not being good enough, that manifests as those irritating echoes of doubt.

Strategies to Overcome DoubtSo, how do you silence those persistent echoes and find clarity?

The first step is gaining awareness and recognizing what’s really going on. Take a moment to sit with your doubt and ask yourself, “What am I truly afraid of?” Is it failure? Rejection? Or perhaps the anxiety over losing control? Identifying the root cause of your fear is crucial because it allows you to confront it directly.

Another strategy is to remind yourself of times when you’ve made a tough choice that turned out well. Think about a time when you pushed through doubt and fear and emerged stronger and more resilient. Maybe it was when you chose to end an unhealthy relationship or choose to address a health challenge that scared you, or when you took a chance on a new career path. Whatever it is, use that experience as a touchstone, a reminder that you have the strength and wisdom to make good choices, even when it’s scary.

Getting Support When You Need It MostAnd if you’re still feeling stuck, remember, you’re not alone. We all need a bit of extra support and guidance when facing significant decisions. Why not schedule a free clarity call with me? Together, we can dive deeper into what’s holding you back and explore effective strategies to help you move forward with confidence and clarity.

Remember: you are brave, you are capable, and you possess all you need to make the right choice for yourself. Trust in your own strength, and know that I’m here to support you every step of the way.

The post Clearing the Fog of Doubt: Strategies for Overcoming Fear and Gaining Clarity appeared first on Kim DeYoung.

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Imagine you’re on a leisurely hike through your favorite local forest, the path familiar and the rhythm of your steps almost automatic. Today, however, you notice a narrow, overgrown trail branching off to the side that you’ve never seen before. Curiosity piqued, you decide to stray from your usual route. As you push past the brambles, you find yourself in a part of the forest that feels entirely different—more wild, more serene. There, unexpectedly, you discover a small clearing with the most breathtaking view of the valley below, a view you would have missed had you stuck to your regular path.

Just like taking that unexpected trail in the forest, life’s detours can lead us to breathtaking discoveries.

Your path in life will rarely be linear, and embracing this reality opens the door to a beautiful journey marked by choice, flexibility, and unexpected richness.

Detours are not interruptions; they’re choices that allow you to explore the depth and diversity of your life more fully without being tethered to a specific outcome.

The Challenge of Navigating UncertaintyThe challenge with taking a detour lies in: how will you navigate the uncertainty of the path you’re taking?

In your professional life, unexpected opportunities can act just like those hidden trails. At thirty-two, I was let go from a big retail job while pregnant with my first child. My husband and I had just bought our first house in the suburbs and that required a dual income. Initially, fear and panic coursed through every part of my body as I wondered how we’d manage financially, but I had a strong intuitive sense that being fired was a blessing. While it wasn’t a choice I made for myself, but rather one that was made for me, I had the choice of how I’d react.

I could have returned to the high-paying corporate world which would have been easier, but I chose to follow my passion, step out of my self-created box and take a risk. Leaping into the unknown and uncertain space of an entrepreneurial life was a monumental choice. Not only did it set in motion new professional opportunities, but the confidence and risk-taking I embodied in making that choice have served me through a variety of ups and downs in my years as an entrepreneur.

As you consider a detour, think about how you want to navigate your journey. Will you stick to a straight path, or are you open to the unexpected diversions that arise? Embracing the twists and turns can lead to unanticipated joys and discoveries.

The Magic of UncertaintyFacing the unknown can be scary, but when you stay curious and positive, even in the face of uncertainty, magical things can happen. Detours can unlock your hidden talents, forge meaningful connections, and teach you more about yourself than you thought possible. There’s magic and growth in staying calm, positive, and curious in the uncertainty of what may be.

The true intrigue of your journey lies in these moments of choice. While the unknown may seem daunting, it is rich with potential for excitement and discovery.

Actionable Steps for Embracing DetoursChoosing to embrace a detour can uncover hidden talents, foster meaningful relationships, and deepen your self-understanding. These moments of choice are pivotal for personal and professional growth. If you’re at a crossroads or facing an unexpected detour, consider these three actionable steps to make the most of it:

• Reflect on Past Detours: Think back to a time you took a detour. What did you learn from it? How did it enrich your life in unexpected ways? This reflection can bolster your confidence in making future choices.
• Assess Your Values and Goals: Ensure any detour aligns with your core values and long-term goals. Ask yourself if this new direction brings you closer to what truly matters to you.
• Seek Support and Perspective: If you’re unsure about a decision, seek advice. Collaborating with others can help you explore possibilities and create a roadmap that aligns with your aspirations.

Life isn’t about reaching a specific destination. It’s about the journey and the choices you make along the way that shape you and make the experience unforgettable. Embrace the detours—they aren’t just deviations; they are opportunities that could lead you to incredible discoveries and profound fulfillment. Choose to see each unexpected turn as a stepping stone to deeper insights and richer experiences.

Let’s Discuss Your JourneyLife isn’t about reaching a specific destination, it’s about the journey and the choices you make along the way that shape you and make the experience unforgettable. Embrace the detours—they aren’t just deviations; they’re opportunities that could lead you to incredible discoveries and fulfillment.

Should you find yourself at a crossroads or considering a detour, I’m here to offer support, guidance and a fresh perspective. Together, we can explore the possibilities and create a roadmap that aligns with your values and aspirations.

Book a complimentary call with me, and let’s navigate your journey together.

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In today’s ever-evolving career landscape, the traditional linear path to success is no longer the norm. As Arianna Huffington wisely noted, “Most people’s careers zigzag and are full of unexpected moves and failures that lead to something better.” This shift towards non-linear career trajectories brings with it a new set of professional choices and opportunities for growth.

In a recent coaching session with Eric, a thoughtful and proactive young professional, we delved into one such pivotal moment in his career journey. Despite feeling a sense of restlessness in his current role, Eric demonstrated a keen sense of self-awareness and initiative by exploring potential side gigs and future career paths, particularly in the field of real estate investing.

Navigating Professional Choices* Leaving a current job or embarking upon a new career * Taking time off or venturing out on one’s own * Dedicating greater effort to one’s current role

Eric’s proactive approach to self-improvement and skill-building, evident in his commitment to informational interviews, self-guided learning, and setting meaningful goals, serves as a powerful example of how to navigate these professional choices with thoughtfulness and intentionality.

The Power of Thoughtfulness and Proactivity* By reflecting on his career aspirations and areas for growth, Eric identified opportunities for learning and development outside of his current role. * His proactive outreach and networking efforts provided valuable insights into the real estate industry and potential future paths. * Eric’s thoughtful goal-setting and self-reflection helped him maintain a sense of purpose and direction, even in the face of day-to-day challenges. * By advocating for himself and seeking out projects that align with his interests, Eric demonstrated the importance of being proactive in shaping one’s career journey.

As a coach, my role was to support and guide Eric in cultivating a mindset of curiosity and growth, developing a strategic approach to career exploration, providing a sounding board for his ideas, and offering tools for effective decision-making and goal-setting.

Eric’s journey serves as a reminder that in navigating the professional choices of a non-linear career path, thoughtfulness and proactivity are essential. By reflecting on your goals, exploring new opportunities, and taking strategic action towards your aspirations, you can cultivate a sense of purpose and resilience in the face of challenges.

I invite you to consider* Which professional choices resonate with you at this stage in your career? * How can you approach these choices with thoughtfulness and proactivity? * What steps can you take to explore new opportunities and gain clarity on your career aspirations?

Remember, your career journey is a unique and ongoing process. By embracing the non-linear nature of modern careers and approaching your professional choices with thoughtfulness and proactivity, you can navigate the twists and turns with greater clarity, purpose, and resilience.

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We’ve all been there: standing at a crossroads, faced with making a hard decision that could change the course of our lives. Whether it’s choosing a career path, deciding to move to a new city, or entering (or ending) a relationship, these choices are rarely easy. They’re the ones that keep us up at night, weighing pros and cons, trying to predict the unpredictable.

The Emotional RollercoasterMaking a big decision can feel like an emotional rollercoaster. One moment, you’re excited about the possibilities; the next, you’re paralyzed by fear of making the wrong choice. This emotional whiplash is a normal part of the process. After all, you’re not just choosing a path; you’re choosing a future version of yourself. Will you like who you become? Will you have regrets? These are the questions that can quickly turn excitement into anxiety.

The Fear of Closing DoorsOne of the most daunting aspects of making a hard decision is the fear of closing doors. Every choice we make means not choosing something else. If you accept that job offer in a new city, you’re saying no to potential opportunities in your current location. If you decide to pursue a Master’s degree, you’re putting off entering the workforce. It’s natural to wonder about the paths not taken, the “what ifs” that will never be answered. But remember, just because a door closes doesn’t mean it’s locked forever. Life has a funny way of presenting new opportunities when we least expect them.

The Pressure of ExpectationsHard choices become even harder when we factor in the expectations of others. Whether it’s our parents, our partners, or society at large, we often feel pressure to make decisions that will meet with approval. But here’s the truth: you’re the one who has to live with your choice. At the end of the day, it’s your life, your happiness, your fulfillment that’s on the line. While it’s important to consider the impact of your decisions on those close to you, don’t let the fear of disappointing others drive your choice.

Embracing UncertaintyPerhaps the hardest part of making a hard decision is accepting that you can’t know the outcome. You can research, you can plan, you can seek advice, but ultimately, you have to take a leap of faith. This is where many of us get stuck, waiting for a sign, a guarantee, a crystal ball to tell us we’re making the right choice. But life doesn’t work that way. The truth is, even “wrong” choices can lead to growth, to new opportunities, to unexpected joys. The key is to trust yourself, to know that you have the resilience to handle whatever comes your way.

Are you curious to find out more about how you handle making a hard decision? Take my quiz “What’s Your Decision-Making Personality” Quiz now to explore your own decision-making style and uncover insights that can guide your next big choice.

Making Your ChoiceSo how do you actually make the choice?

1. Start by getting clear on your priorities. What matters most to you? Is it financial stability? Creative fulfillment? Work-life balance? There’s no right or wrong answer, but knowing your non-negotiables can help guide your decision.
2. Next, talk it out with people you trust. They may offer perspectives you hadn’t considered. But remember, their advice is just that: advice. The final choice is yours.
3. Finally, listen to your gut. Sometimes, your instincts know what your minds hasn’t yet figured out.

In the end, making a hard choice is an act of courage. It’s saying yes to change, to growth, to the unknown. It’s trusting that no matter what happens, you’ll be okay. More than okay — you’ll be wiser, stronger, and one step closer to the life you’re meant to live. So take a deep breath, trust yourself, and take that leap. Your future self will thank you.

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January has been an absolute whirlwind of discovery, connection and interesting conversations, feeling much like a thrilling expedition of thought and interaction. If we were catching up at my favorite coffee ship and you asked, “So, what have you been up to?” here’s what I’d share about this incredible journey.

Empowering Health ChoicesThe month kicked off with a meaningful discussion among healthcare practitioners, centered on the crucial role they play in empowering their clients to actively engage in their health decisions. This conversation shed light on the practitioners’ responsibility not just to provide care but to instill a sense of agency in their patients. It was enlightening to see the realization dawn upon them that their support, while vital, is only half the equation. Patients must choose to show up for themselves, adhere to the advice given, and commit to the practices recommended for their health. This understanding underscored the importance of a partnership between practitioners and patients, where empowering individuals to make informed health choices is key to effective care.

Conversations Across GenerationsThe dialogue with a group of elderly individuals offered insights into their pivotal life choices. Particularly striking was to learn that many, especially women from earlier generations, did not perceive their actions as choices. Instead, societal norms and expectations, like prioritizing marriage over education, often predetermined their decisions. This discussion vividly highlighted how perceptions of choice can shift significantly with age and as society evolves.

Community Engagements and The Book of ChoiceI led Choice Clarity, a 4-week workshop series in partnership with three local libraries, designed to empower participants to navigate life’s choices with intention and insight. Using principles from The Book of Choice, we explored making intentional decisions through Choice Mapping, a process that helps visually organize thoughts and feelings about impending choices, focusing on significant personal, professional, and relationship decisions. The series culminated in a session on healing, enabling participants to view past decisions with compassion and future choices with clarity and wisdom.

Women’s Workshop: The Journey to PossibilityIn an all-day workshop with a select group of women, we dove into the power of making a pivotal choice, focusing on how one significant decision for 2024 can create momentum in personal and professional realms. We unraveled the potential of such choices, culminating in clear action plans to turn each woman’s vision into reality. The workshop aimed to empower participants with clarity and confidence, providing a roadmap for future steps. After receiving positive feedback, I’ll be leading this workshop again in April. Click here to join in.

Intention and Tradition: Mothers, Daughters, and Mala BeadsA tender gathering with mothers and daughters explored how choices can serve as powerful intentions, with the ancient practice of mala beads reinforcing these intentions. It was a beautiful fusion of tradition and personal growth.

Canyon Ranch: A Deep Dive into ChoicesOver three days, at Canyon Ranch in Lenox, MA, we discussed the essence of choice, from uncovering our true desires and overcoming obstacles to recognizing the power each decision holds. Participants engaged deeply, exploring how to align their decisions with their authentic selves, navigate through fears and limiting beliefs, and understand the ripple effect of their choices on their lives. This immersive experience not only provided insights into making more informed choices but also highlighted the potential for growth inherent in every decision.

Adapting and EngagingNavigating through these varied events challenged me to adapt and engage in new ways, balancing between prepared content and the dynamic flow of spontaneous interaction. The dance between planning and spontaneity was exhilarating, though not without its moments of silence that tested my resilience and flexibility.

Corporate Workshops and Expanding My Facilitation SkillsConversations at Canyon Ranch sparked the exciting possibility of bringing these deep dialogues into corporate leadership settings, laying the groundwork for impactful workshops designed to foster meaningful engagement in the corporate arena. In anticipation of crafting these specialized experiences, I’m also committed to enhancing my facilitation capabilities. I’m set to embark on a professional development program aimed at refining my skills in creating environments that nurture curiosity, learning, and meaningful connections, ensuring I bring the utmost value to these future corporate workshops.

Looking AheadJanuary reminded me of the incredible power and potential that lies within our choices, from personal health to corporate strategies. Sharing these journeys with you is not just a privilege but a journey of mutual growth and discovery in understanding the vast landscape of choices that shape our lives.

Here’s to a February filled with bold choices and new connections.

P.S. Stay tuned for more stories, insights, and reflections as we navigate the world of choices. Your thoughts and experiences are always welcome, so reach out and share your journey with me.

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The Two Phases of My LifeThere are now two phases in my life: Before Book and After Book. Reflecting on the four months After Book, Im filled with gratitude for the opportunities and connections that The Book of Choice has brought into my life. As many ask about the book’s progress, I’m thrilled to share how its message acts as a catalyst, igniting broader conversations about choice.

This isn’t just a story about a book; it’s a testament to what can unfold when you passionately pursue an idea. It’s about doors that open and the domino effect of possibilities that arise. I know this post is detailed (and long), but I hope you’ll take the time to read it. Don’t just see this as a list of achievements, but as an inspiration. Every action, every choice, can lead to transformative experiences you never anticipated.

Embracing Opportunities and The Unfolding MapWhile I’m proactively creating opportunities, many are finding me too. I’m embracing everything that comes my way, welcoming the unknown with a resounding “yes.” I capture every possibility in my expanding Unfolding Map at the bottom of this post, a vibrant record of my connecting journey.

Reinvention: From Choice as a Word to a Life PrincipleA decade ago, “choice” was not a prominent word in my vocabulary. But now, navigating my life’s third act, I find myself in a profound reinvention phase. The conversation I’m involved in, and the work I do, are deeply gratifying, purpose-driven, and perfectly align with my zone of genius.

Passion Fueled by Conversations on ChoicesAt the core, my passion lies in speaking with people of all ages and stages about the details of their choices. From intimate coaching sessions to expansive stage talks, from young minds to seasoned souls, this is where my passion thrives.

Here’s a snapshot of the what’s unfolded so far:

• Speaking engagements for all ages: I crafted a keynote address for an event attended by 300 women who work for the CT Department of Corrections. Following my presentation, a legislator approached me to mentor a group of young incarcerated men, aiming to nurture their personal growth, self-awareness and decision-making skills.
• Emerging Adult Group Coaching: After my 24-year-old son, Beck, graduated from college, I found myself immersed in profound conversations with him and his close friends. Every other month, we delve into topics surrounding their personal, professional and relationship choices, providing them a space to explore dialogues previously unfamiliar to them. When the idea emerged to extend these discussions to their friends, I enthusiastically said yes. The simple inquiry, “What challenging choice are you grappling with?” has proven to unlock rich and interesting conversations.
• Library Workshops: After my talk at a local bookstore, three nearby libraries joined forces to invite me to lead a 4-week workshop where I will go deeper into the content of my book. This workshop, Choice Clarity, is now available to libraries throughout Connecticut.
• In-Person Retreats: In January, I’m set to lead a three-session retreat at Canyon Ranch, where participants will explore the possibilities that arise from making an intentional choice. I plan to adapt and introduce this content to other retreat centers.
• Choice Mapping 101: I’m taking Choice Mapping to a deeper level with the pilot program, Choice Confident. where participants explore the process of mapping out their choices. Drawing from the insights and feedback of 20 engaged participants, I’m gearing up to introduce an enhanced 2.0 version for a wider audience.
• High-level coaching: Next week, I’ll be in Paris, collaborating closely with a group of women presidents from the Young Presidents’ Organization (YPO). This is truly exhilarating. What began as a potential 2-hour virtual workshop has transformed into an enriching full-day, in-person engagement with my dream clients. Together, we’ll delve into the nuances of their choices in a shared experience. As referrals have presented themselves, it affirms that the intimate conversations of choice have no boundaries.
• The Choice School: Integrating the conversation of choice throughout every educational tier is a thrilling endeavor. While I’m in the initial stages of collaborating with universities, I’m also drafting curriculum ideas and consulting with educational professionals. The potential of making an impact at all educational levels, from primary to grad level, is truly inspiring.
• Certification program: I’m in the early stages of developing a certification program for Choice Mapping. This initiative will allow me to provide Choice Mapping as a powerful tool to coaches and therapists, expanding their tools and broadening the reach of choice coaching even further.
• Opportunities for collaboration: Choice is a universal concept, resonating with everyone, making my work naturally synergistic. I’m actively engaging with individuals I respect, exploring exciting avenues for collaboration and innovation.
• University freshmen curriculum: I envision The Book of Choice as required reading for university freshmen. As I establish new relationships with university administration, I’m developing a curriculum that will introduce students to the concept of making intentional choices. This is an exciting opportunity to instill the power of choice in young minds from the very beginning of their academic journeys.

I imagine a world where we truly feel the ripple of every choice we make. It’s not just about choosing a direction—it’s about understanding how each decision touches the world around us. To all of you walking with me, thank you deeply. Your belief, support and encouragement are my guiding light.

If you’re inspired to be a part of my journey, and support me with any of these initiatives, I’d love to hear from you. Please reach out.

(Below is a high-level glimpse of the Unfolding Map I update weekly. At its center, it states: I choose to notice all that unfolds because of my actions related to The Book of Choice. The branches depict the evolving connections, opportunities, and experiences arising both from my proactive efforts and serendipitous coincidences. (Note: Details have been blurred for privacy.)

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Have you ever made a choice you regret?

Most likely, as we all have. This type of experience is a rite of passage in our human journey. We all make mistakes, and it’s critical that we learn from them.

But what happens when we make a choice that has a significant impact on our lives, and we’re not able to forgive ourselves?

I recently learned about a high school senior, let’s call him Jake, who used an AI tool to write an essay and got expelled for plagiarism. Now he’s struggling with shame and regret.

Seems like a bad decision on the surface, but there’s more to this story.

The Choices We MakeWhile it’s common to label choices as “good” or “bad,” this simplistic categorization often prevents us from delving deeply into why we made the choice and how we handled its fallout.

Jake’s decision, misguided as it may be, can actually be the first step in his growth. He needs to understand his mistake, own it, apologize, and most importantly, learn from it. If he does that, this unfortunate incident could be a turning point.

But What About Shame?Let’s say Jake doesn’t deal with it. What if he lets the shame fester and grow? Shame can be like an unseen weed, rooting deep, draining our energy and isolating us.

Fast forward to Jake at fifty, still haunted by this incident. He may feel alienated, struggling with relationships and battling depression.

Sounds scary, doesn’t it? But what if we could help?

Shifting Shame into GrowthShame has a way of paralyzing us, holding us captive in a space of self-doubt, fear, and stagnation. It’s not just an emotion; it’s a state of being that can lock us into a pattern of destructive thinking. But what if we could shift that shame into growth? It’s not an easy journey, but it’s one filled with potential transformation.

Here’s how we might guide Jake, or anyone dealing with a similar situation, to move beyond shame:

• Understanding the Root of Shame: The first step in shifting shame into growth is understanding why it’s there. What underlying fears or beliefs triggered this feeling? For Jake, was it the fear of failure or judgment from others? By identifying the root cause, we can begin to address the underlying issue.
• Acceptance and Compassion: It’s essential to accept that the choice was made and that it cannot be changed. However, it doesn’t define who Jake is or who he will become. Compassion towards oneself is a vital step in moving beyond shame.
• Creating a Growth Mindset: Encourage the development of a growth mindset, where mistakes are seen as opportunities to learn and grow rather than as failures. This shift in perspective can turn a regretful situation into a powerful lesson.
• Seeking Support: Sometimes, professional help or supportive friends and family can make the process of shifting from shame to growth easier. Having someone to talk to and share feelings with can be a tremendous relief.
• Taking Positive Actions: Encouraging Jake to take positive actions such as apologizing or making amends where appropriate can lead to healing and growth. Taking responsibility for our actions empowers us to make better choices in the future.
• Being a Role Model: As a friend or family member, demonstrating a healthy way to cope with mistakes and shame can be a powerful example. Show that it’s possible to learn and grow from our mistakes, rather than being defined by them.

The key here is to see shame not as a dead-end but as a crossroads. It’s a point in time where we can choose to stay stuck or decide to learn, grow and move forward. It’s not about forgetting the past but about embracing it as a part of our journey, a stepping stone towards becoming a stronger, wiser and more resilient individual.

Jake’s story is not unique; we all have the capacity to shift from shame into growth, transforming our regrets into lessons and our mistakes into stepping stones.

With empathy, support and proactive steps, we can turn shame into a catalyst for personal growth and healing, using our past not as a weight to hold us down but as a foundation to build a more authentic and fulfilling future.

Healing and Moving ForwardWe’ve all made choices that cause us to cringe. What’s important is that we learn from these experiences. Instead of seeing them as mistakes, we can view them as lessons, as opportunities for growth.

Like Maya Angelou said, “I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.”

That’s the beauty of our journey: we’re always learning, growing, and doing better.

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Boundaries are an act of self-love and self-care. They are a profound and empowering gift that we consciously choose to give ourselves. They’re not merely lines drawn in the sand but are potent affirmations of our self-respect and self-value. Boundaries are less about what we’re keeping out and more about what we’re allowing in. They serve as an act of self-care — a way to create a safe haven for our minds and souls.

A Tale of Boundaries: Jenny’s StoryLet me share a story about my friend Jenny. Jenny has always been a people pleaser. She wears her heart on her sleeve, is an empathetic listener, and is always ready to lend a hand. People love her for her generosity and warm spirit. However, over time, Jenny began to feel drained and overextended. She found herself feeling emotionally exhausted, realizing that her tendency to please others was often at the expense of her own well-being.

One day, while we were having a conversations, I noticed the tiredness in her eyes and sensed the exhaustion in her voice. Jenny expressed feeling overwhelmed by her commitments and obligations. She was always saying ‘yes’ to others, even when she was tired, even when she needed time for herself. It was clear that she was in need of boundaries.

The Power of No: Embracing BoundariesTogether, we discussed the concept of boundaries and how they could serve as an act of self-care for her. Jenny understood that setting boundaries didn’t mean shutting herself off from the world. Instead, it meant curating an environment that allowed her to thrive.

Jenny developed the skill of saying ‘no’ and prioritizing her needs. Initially, she struggled with feelings of guilt, fearing that she was being selfish. However, with time, she began to understand that choosing self-care over constant pleasing wasn’t selfish—it was essential. She saw that by saying ‘no’ to others, she was saying ‘yes’ to herself.

Building a Sanctuary: Respecting Your BoundariesBoundaries became a sanctuary for Jenny. They offered a space that protected her mental, emotional and physical well-being. As she implemented them, she began to feel lighter, more energized and more at peace with herself.

Jenny realized that boundaries weren’t about offending others, but about respecting herself. Through her journey of setting boundaries, she gave herself the greatest gift—she learned to love herself more.

Boundaries Are Essential, Not OptionalLike Jenny, we all can benefit from setting boundaries. They allow us to respect our time, energy, and emotional space. When we set boundaries, we articulate our needs clearly to others and, importantly, to ourselves. We teach people how to treat us and set the standard for the respect we deserve.

In our fast-paced world where our attention and energy are constantly demanded, setting boundaries becomes even more critical. It’s a practice we should all consciously integrate into our lives. It’s not about alienating others, but about taking care of ourselves. After all, as Jenny learned, setting boundaries is not about offending others—it’s about respecting ourselves. It is truly the gift of loving ourselves.

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The Ghosting Phenomenon: What Does It Mean?Recently, I had a conversation with a dear friend who found herself in a strained relationship with her boss. Her words were misunderstood, and her actions were unfairly judged. In such a predicament, she faced a choice: silently exit her position with flimsy excuses or initiate a difficult conversation where both parties would take responsibility for their dynamic.

The first option, ghosting, may seem like an effortless way to end a relationship, but at its core, it’s a passive approach that avoids direct communication about not wanting to continue a connection. Ghosting has gained traction in our modern dating culture, as well as in friendships, professional relationships, and even family connections. It involves abruptly cutting off all communication and disappearing without any explanation or closure.

Reasons for ghosting range from losing interest to wanting to avoid confrontation. However, it’s crucial to recognize that ghosting ultimately sidesteps the responsibility of engaging in direct communication about not wanting to continue a relationship. It challenges the expectation of open and honest dialogue, leaving the person being ghosted without closure or understanding of what happened.

The Impact of Ghosting and the Need for ClosureHowever, it is essential to recognize the impact of ghosting on the other person involved. Being on the receiving end of ghosting can be deeply hurtful and confusing. The sudden silence and lack of closure can leave the person feeling rejected, questioning their self-worth, and grappling with unresolved emotions. The absence of communication hinders personal development and the ability to form healthy connections in the future, preventing both parties from learning and growing from the experience.

Ghosting: A Reflection of Relationships and CommunicationChoosing to ghost someone not only reflects on the character of the person doing the ghosting but also reveals a deeper aspect of their approach to relationships and communication. It suggests a reluctance to confront difficult emotions, an aversion to vulnerability, and a lack of consideration for the feelings of others. By taking the easy way out and avoiding direct communication, individuals unknowingly reinforce a pattern of avoiding uncomfortable situations, hindering their personal growth and the potential for meaningful connections.

Choosing Courage Over AvoidanceInstead of resorting to ghosting, it is crucial to embrace the courage to express true feelings. By being direct and honest about emotions, even if it means ending a relationship, individuals demonstrate strength, integrity, and authenticity. Engaging in open and transparent communication allows both parties to have closure, gain understanding, and potentially foster personal growth from the experience.

Embracing Open and Honest CommunicationRemember, ghosting is a choice that reflects on your character and the values you uphold in your relationships. It’s an opportunity to evaluate who you aspire to be and how you want to show up in the world. Choosing to prioritize open and honest communication, even in difficult situations, demonstrates a commitment to personal growth, empathy, and fostering meaningful connections based on mutual respect and understanding.

The Character We Aspire to Be: Making Intentional ChoicesReflect on who you aspire to be in the world. Do you want to be someone who avoids uncomfortable conversations, or do you want to be someone who confronts them head-on? Rise above ghosting and choose honesty, integrity and empathy.

Rising Above Ghosting: Steps to TakeNo matter if you’ve engaged in ghosting before, remember that you have the power to be the person you want to be at any time. Here are some ways to rise above ghosting:

• Choose honesty and integrity.
• Have difficult conversations with compassion.
• Express your true feelings in a respectful manner.
• Take responsibility for your actions and their impact on others.
• Practice active listening and empathy when engaging in conversations.
• Understand that ending a relationship or cutting off communication can be painful for the other person, but being honest and transparent allows for healing and growth.
• Recognize that ghosting can have long-lasting effects on the person being ghosted, such as feelings of confusion, rejection, and self-doubt. By choosing to communicate openly, you can minimize the negative impact on both parties involved.
• Prioritize building meaningful connections based on trust, respect, and open communication.
• Remember that everyone deserves to be treated with kindness and consideration, even when ending a relationship.
• Be aware of your own emotions and intentions. Take the time to understand your own feelings and motivations before entering into a relationship or deciding to end one. This self-awareness can help you make more intentional choices and avoid hurting others through ghosting.

Ghosting: An Opportunity for ReflectionConsider the potential consequences of ghosting. While it may initially feel like an easy way out, ghosting can leave a lasting impact on both parties involved. It can lead to unresolved feelings, resentment, and difficulty in trusting future partners. Moreover, it can create a negative reputation for yourself, as word of your behavior may spread within social circles.

Remember, ghosting is not a reflection of the other person’s worth or value, but rather a reflection of how you choose to show up.

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Life often presents us with significant choices that can leave us overwhelmed and uncertain about which path to take. Here’s the secret: the key is to focus on the smaller decisions that are within your control. Transformation doesn’t happen overnight or in one giant leap. It happens through a series of small steps—the choices you make and the actions you take. Each action has the opportunity to get you closer to what you really want.

Small Choices Amidst Bigger DecisionsLately, I’ve had several friends reaching out for relationship advice, seeking guidance in both their professional and romantic lives. Each of them had unmet expectations and dissatisfaction with their current relationships. Instead of focusing solely on what was wrong, I suggested they consider the power of smaller choices within their larger decisions. In these scenarios, here’s what small imperfect choices looked like:

Gina’s StoryGina deeply loved her partner, but noticed some irreconcilable differences. While leaving wasn’t an option yet, she often questioned whether staying was in her best interest. I proposed an alternative perspective: “What if you choose to stay in the imperfection of the relationship for now? Can you accept that it’s not everything you want, but part of it is? It’s okay to find joy in what you have without getting caught up in the long-term.”

Callie’s JourneyCallie, on the other hand, frequently complained about unmet expectations in her marriage, causing strain in the relationship. She wondered if divorcing during her daughter’s challenging teenage years would be too burdensome. I gently asked, “Do you need to make the big choice of divorce right now? Divorce is never perfect, and there’s no perfect time for it. Instead of fixating on what you lack, how about temporarily pausing your relationship goals to support your daughter through high school?”

Both Gina and Callie found relief in these alternative choices. They hadn’t considered staying in the imperfection of their relationships as a valid option before.

Jane’s DilemmaJane, in a state of uncertainty, questioned if her boyfriend was the right long-term partner for her after two years together. Was he enough? Were they truly compatible? Or was she settling out of fear of being alone? I encouraged her to make a smaller choice instead: “Are you ready to make the big choice to leave him altogether?” Her answer was a decisive “no,” so, I suggested she focus on what she loves about their relationship for a short period and observe how it feels. This approach felt more manageable and less overwhelming to Jane.

Suzy’s ChallengeLastly, Suzy expressed her frustration with the physicians in her medical practice. The professional dynamics, politics and corporate structure no longer aligned with her values. She felt unsupported when she lost her father and a close friend, and her partners failed to understand her need to grieve. Suzy contemplated leaving the practice, but she wasn’t ready to make that big choice just yet. I asked, “What smaller choice feels right for you now?” With conviction, she replied, “Being fully present with my patients is of utmost importance to me. So, my smaller choice is to work on my own healing so I can better serve them.”

The Power of Small, Imperfect ChoicesIn an ideal world, every choice would feel glorious. But sometimes, to build momentum, we must make an interim choice that feels good enough. Scaling back the scope of a decision can ease anxiety while still propelling us forward. Even small adjustments, in the face of a larger problem, can have a meaningful impact. When big choices seem overwhelming or out of reach, honing in on a smaller choice brings us back into a position of greater control and allows us to create momentum.

Remember, every choice matters, no matter how small. Embrace the power of small, imperfect choices, and witness how they pave the way for transformative shifts in your life.

P.S. In Part 5 of The Book of Choice, I devote a section to making small imperfect choices, as our choices are seldom black or white, good or bad. Choices have layers of complexity embedded within them, so there is rarely a perfect choice, only the perfect choice for you at this moment. If you’re seeking further guidance and insight, make sure to check it out!

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An Exploration Map examines a choice you’ve made in the past, one you want to make today or one you’re contemplating in the future.

Visual Framework for InsightAn Exploration Map is a visual framework to think through and document the details of a choice that’s clear and succinct yet rich with insight.

Exploring Personal, Professional, and Relationship ChoicesAn Exploration Map supports you to explore the details of your personal, professional, and relationship choices.

• For a professional choice, you might be choosing to start or leave a job, step out on your own, or improve your current situation.
• In a relationship choice, you may be choosing to begin a new relationship, work on mending one you’re already in, or end one that is no longer fulfilling.
• For a personal choice, you might be choosing to bring something into your life that matters or remove something that doesn’t.

Core Questions for ExplorationTo bring deeper focus and examination to a present-day choice, an Exploration Map begins with seeking the answers to five core questions:

1. Why does this choice matter to you?
2. What fears might get in your way of stepping into your choice?
3. How do you want to show up as you make your decision?
4. What may become possible because you make this choice?
5. What actions will you take to bring your choice to life?

Creating Your Exploration MapVisually, an Exploration Map begins with your choice as its hub, sprouting outward-reaching branches which will note your questions. As you seek to go deeper with your inquiry, you can continue asking questions and then responding in a call-and-response manner.

With an Exploration Map, your focus is solely on asking—not solving or fixing. Ask one question, provide one answer. Rinse and repeat.

Engaging in a Dialogue with YourselfImmersing yourself in the creation of a present-day Exploration Map empowers you to engage in a dialogue with yourself. As you synthesize your answers into digestible nuggets, you reveal new insights while keeping the elements of your choice in the forefront of your thoughts.

Stay Conscious and CommittedYour aspiration is to stay conscious, alert, and committed to the actions you take that support your choice to move forward. With greater clarity about why your choice matters, you’re laying the foundation to put your full resources toward your actions. Placing focused energy in the details of your choice imbues them with meaning.

Make the Exploration Map Your OwnAvail yourself of this map and make it your own, discovering what makes sense and provides you with the most value. Remember, there is no correct way to map, only a desire to do so.

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An Unfolding Map: Exploring the Path of Choice Over TimeAn Unfolding Map examines how a choice unfolds in your life over time.Understanding the Serendipitous Nature of UnfoldingAn Unfolding Map will help you understand how you got from one place to the next, both through your intentional actions as well as through coincidental opportunities that presented themselves.Unfolding occurs serendipitously because of choices and changes you’ve decided to make; it’s not something you force.The Power of an Unfolding MapAn Unfolding Map captures this fertile process and is a chronological examination of all that comes into your life within a fixed period of time because of a choice you made, or are making.Structured sequentially, this map begins with your initial choice plotted on the left.Mapping the Flow of UnfoldingBranches then expand to fill the page to the right as you capture answers to your questions of what came next, who you met, and what showed up.This Unfolding Map depicts an expansion of people, opportunities, experiences and thoughts flowing into your life from that choice.UnfoldingMapDownload MapPeopleMapsDownload MapDownload MapPrevious slideNext slideUnfoldingMapDownload MapExplorationMapsDownload MapDownload MapPrevious slideNext slideAppreciating the Momentum of UnfoldingAs you trace the route of each answer, you’ll observe the expansive quality of one decision producing many momentum-building options.You’ll notice opportunities, conversations and experiences that are obviously connected to your choice, as well as circumstances that feel tangentially aligned.Uncovering Hidden Connections with Unfolding MapsCapturing these details supports you to bridge components of your life that seem unrelated, allowing you to make interesting connections that, without this process, might go unnoticed.Embracing the Unfolding ProcessAn Unfolding Map illustrates how choices unfold when you allow for their momentum.Focusing on the details of an Unfolding Map elevates your awareness to all that’s showing up, relishing the uncertainty of what may come next.Unfolding Maps for Present and Past ChoicesWith an Unfolding Map, you can explore both past and present choices, and depending on the window of time you’re reviewing, this type of map can be small in scope or quite boundless.For a present choice, this map supports you to stay alert to the progression and synchronicities occurring because of one choice you’re making now.For a past choice, this map supports you to recollect the value of all that came into your life because of a choice made months or years ago.Cultivating Gratitude and Awe with Unfolding MapsAs you flesh out the branches of your map, this reflection allows you to appreciate with great gratitude and awe all that flowed into your life from one choice in a particular window of time.Embark on the Unfolding Map RitualConsider experimenting with my treasured ritual…Each morning, before the craze of your day begins, devote a few quiet moments to nurturing a live Unfolding Map.During this time, spend no more than five minutes reflecting on the people, opportunities, synchronicities, and experiences you’ve either intentionally brought into your life or that have coincidentally shown up because of a choice you recently made.Appreciating the Abundance with Unfolding MapsThis simple practice has the potential to heighten your level of gratitude and sharpen your awareness to the details and subtleties you’re manifesting, that without this practice, might fall below your radar and therefore not be appreciated.With an Unfolding Map, you can visually appreciate how much is before you at a given point in time.Discover the Power of Choice MappingI am Kim DeYoung, and I coach people of all ages and stages who are struggling and challenged to make their meaningful choices. Please reach out if you’re interested in exploring a choice and would like my supportThe post An Unfolding Map: Exploring a Choice Over Time appeared first on Kim DeYoung.

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The Power of a People Map for GratitudeA People Map is a tool to feel and express gratitude. It allows you to visually depict how you know who you know and see the connections that have been formed through others. By creating and reviewing a People Map, you bring heightened awareness to the key people in your life and reflect with gratitude on those who have facilitated those relationships.

Appreciating the Impact of ConnectionsThe visual layout of a People Map supports you in fully appreciating the impact of one person who has introduced you to others and how those connections have grown exponentially. It serves as a reminder of the power of relationships and the importance of acknowledging those who have played a role in connecting you with others.

Templates for Creating People MapsTo help you get started, here are two templates of simple People Maps. The first template documents the flow from one person who connected you to another, creating a chain of relationships. The second template, more extensive, chronicles how one person connected you to multiple individuals who then made additional connections. These maps have the potential to evolve and grow as new connections continue to be formed.

PeopleMapsDownload MapDownload MapPrevious slideNext slideTracing Connections and Expressing GratitudeWhen creating a People Map, the focus is on the connector—the person who initiated the relationship. By placing that person on the left side of your map and adding branches to the right, you can trace the evolving introductions and relationships they facilitated. Each branch represents a new connection, and you can further expand the map to include connections that arise from each of these branches.

The Potential of a Choice to Create MomentumA People Map reveals how a choice to embark on a relationship with one person has the potential to create great momentum, both in your life and in the lives of others. Each interaction causes a chain reaction of happenings, where someone you barely knew can become a conduit to a lineage of new connections. By visualizing these connections on a People Map, you reconnect with gratitude for the individuals who have played a role in expanding your network.

Try Creating a People MapTake a few moments to create your own People Map and reflect on the individuals who have entered your life because of one person. Consider how you were lucky enough to meet them and who led you to them. Experience the power of visualizing these connections and expressing gratitude for the relationships that have shaped your life.

Connect with Kim DeYoung for SupportI am Kim DeYoung, a coach who specializes in helping people navigate their meaningful choices. If you’re interested in exploring a choice and would like my support, please reach out.

Take the first step in creating your People Map and unlock the gratitude and insights that come with appreciating the connections in your life.

The post Creating a People Map as a Tool for Gratitude appeared first on Kim DeYoung.

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Exploring the Significance of Your ChoicesYour choices tell you who you are. Every single day you make choices, some big, some small, but certain choices are deeply meaningful because they demonstrate who you are, what you value, where you’ve been and where you’re going.

The Value of Examining Past ChoicesPeople often ask me, what’s the value in looking closely at my choices from the past? Shouldn’t I focus more on my present or future choices? Looking back and exploring what emanated from your intentional choices allows you to take 100% ownership of those choices and your subsequent actions. Imagine how that will feel, to own all the ramifications of your choices.

Unearthing the Impact of Small ChoicesSome intentional choices will stand out clearly in your mind, these are the BIG ONES—the ones you can easily recount—whether you married, what you chose to study in college, what job you took, where you moved, whether or not you chose to have kids. Then, there are your smaller, seemingly less life-altering choices, often not on your radar, that may require delving deeper into the recesses of your thoughts to excavate and uncover. Very often with your smaller choices, it’s only upon reflection as you retrace your steps and look for connections that you can appreciate that your small choice had a great impact on your life.

Moving Beyond Good or Bad JudgmentIt’s possible you’ve already spent countless hours ruminating on whether your big choices were right or wrong and how they affected you along the way. You may wonder what could have been had you chosen a different path, causing you to feel self-doubt. It’s natural, when thinking about past choices, to focus on a simple binary question: was that choice good or bad? This kind of thinking is tied to judgment, shame, and doubt, and it distracts us from the abundant information that’s concealed in each choice. There’s more to gain in approaching choice from a place of deeper exploration and inquiry, seeking to understand, what can your choices teach you about yourself?

Becoming an Investigator of Your LifeBecoming an investigator of your life, excavating your past for answers and clues, allows you to view yourself with kinder, more soul-seeking eyes. When perched on your own shoulder as an observer, you’re creating emotional distance. This space enables you to sit with your questions and let your answers present themselves. At this time, you don’t need a plan of action for what you’ll uncover—keep asking and listening. There’s great value to letting your answers flow without any attachment or worry as to what you’ll do with them. Trust that as you gather the answers to your challenging questions you can handle whatever arises.

Personal Journey of Mapping ChoicesDuring my first mapping year, which coincided with healing from my post-divorce relationship, I was incredibly introspective and reflective. I put my life under a microscope to truly understand what motivated me, what got in my way, what mattered to me, and how I wanted to show up as I moved into the next phase of my life. I used guiding questions to interrogate my key choices so I could better understand who I was and how I’d gotten to this place in my life.

Questions to Uncover the Path of Your JourneyIn asking these questions, I sought to understand details about my past actions to see the path of my journey. I used my new tools of inquiry and mapping, plus my deep desire for answers, to explore the lessons I’d learned because of my big choices. Putting my life, questions, and choices under deep scrutiny allowed me to see what’s possible when you look closely at yourself. My questions illuminated that part of my life’s purpose is to develop and hone this process and share it with you so you can apply it to your own life in a way that works best for you.

Looking Back with Compassion and EmpathyYou have a choice in how you reflect upon the past. You can look back from a place of judgment, assessing what you did wrong and beating yourself up for all you wish you’d done differently, or you can mine your past for your key choices, made in a moment of strength, that set the tone and inform who you are today. These choices will stand out as lighthouses, each guiding the way to the next.

Discovering Your Five Key ChoicesOver a decade ago, I began inviting a group of women to meet at my home based on a singular criterion—they each made me happy. This became my Great Women’s Gathering. At a recent gathering, with choice very much on my mind (as it often is), I asked everyone to share five key choices that define who they are and how those choices set the foundation upon which they’re proud to stand.

Stories of Courage and ResilienceA handful of women made a meaningful choice related to being a parent. At 22, one woman chose to have her boyfriend’s baby against her parent’s wishes, knowing she’d be disowned. A married woman, with one child, consciously chose not to have a second baby, a decision that bucked the desires of her close friends and family. A 50-year old grandmother, educated at an all-girls Catholic high school, chose not to have an abortion at 16 and insisted she get tutored.

Many of the women walked away from a seemingly stable life. Some spoke about leaving their corporate professions to write a book, launch a start-up, and pursue an entrepreneurial venture to learn new skills. They chose to leave relationships, take a stand for themselves, and be alone rather than settling. Many shared personal stories that involved taking a leap to move to a new city, having an intuitive sense they needed to move to shake up their lives.

Commonalities of Strength and DeterminationWhile there was great disparity in the choices the women shared, there were interesting commonalities: a deep inner strength, a desire to take courageous risks, and a willingness to make a big life change, even when it contradicted other people’s wishes for them.

Your Personal Journey of Five Key ChoicesI invite you to take yourself on a similar journey. Consider looking back over your life to identify and focus on five intentional choices that led you to where you are. (See mine, here). As you begin, you may find this process challenging because your life has been full of choices, big and small. How do you best sift through the multitude of choices to determine the important ones that best illuminate who you are?

Reflecting with Kindness and EmpathyMy best advice is to consider only those choices you made consciously and those you see without judgment. See yourself at your younger age weighing the options that allow you to make your choice. Look at yourself with kindness and empathy, knowing you made the best choice with who you were at the time. This exercise allows you to recollect your past from a place of strength, knowing that certain choices made you who you are today. These are the choices that show you who you are and what you stand for.

The Two Components of Thought ProcessThere are two components to this thought process: first, gathering your choices, and second, exploring them through greater inquiry. In my book, The Book of Choice: Mapping the Life You Want by Understanding the Life You Have, I share examples on how to determine your five choices and choose how deeply you’d like to explore them. Please download the first chapter, as my gift to you.

Begin Your Journey of Self-ExplorationTake a moment to reflect on your life and the choices that have shaped it. Embrace the power of examining your intentional choices and uncovering the lessons they hold. By understanding the significance of these choices, you gain a deeper understanding of yourself, your values, and the path you’ve taken.

Through the process of exploring your key choices, you tap into your inner strength and resilience. You discover the courage and determination that have guided you through life’s challenges. By embracing your past choices with kindness and empathy, you empower yourself to move forward with clarity and purpose.

As you embark on this journey of self-exploration, remember that each choice has led you to this moment. Embrace the power of your choices and let them serve as lighthouses, guiding you to the next chapter of your life. Trust in your ability to make thoughtful decisions and shape a future aligned with your true desires and aspirations.

Download the first chapter of The Book of Choice and begin your transformative journey today. Discover the richness of your past choices and unlock the potential for a more fulfilling and purposeful life. Embrace the power of mapping and let it be your guide to self-discovery and personal growth.

The post What Would Your 5 Key Choices Say About You? appeared first on Kim DeYoung.

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The journey of writing my book has been fraught with stops and starts. I never considered myself a writer, but after writing 496 pages, I owned that I had a message to share.  I then had a strong intuitive hit that the book, which I’d originally envisioned would share the learning garnered from exploring other […]

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I was heartbroken when I learned that my friend Jane’s 90-year old mom was in hospice. I’d had the pleasure of spending a few days with Ruth at her home in Florida a few years back and I was touched by her zest for life, her humor and her overall kindness. Jane shared with her […]