Relationship Dish: Recent Episodes
Iona Monk / Pam Stewert
Ever wonder what your therapist’s own romantic relationship is like? Well wonder no more because Relationship Dish is the podcast where two therapists dish about their own relationships. Hey, relationships are hard for EVERYONE, even therapists! In this podcast we practice “walking our own talk” as we journey through the ups and downs of our love relationships and our own humble learning to be better partners. Our wish is that our learning becomes your learning as you reach to be the best partner you can be. We are Iona Monk and Pam Stewart. Join us and let’s dish.
We are on a much needed break between seasons 4 and 5. We leave you with a 5 min reminder tip to stay open and vulnerable in your relationship with your loved one and with the important people in your life.
We are on a much needed break between seasons 4 and 5. We leave you with a 5 min reminder tip to stay open and vulnerable in your relationship with your loved one and with the important people in your life.
Listen in this week as the therapists dish and dive about narcissism. Iona gets a rude awakening about how she’s behaved in her relationship and this starts a conversation about people with narcissistic tendencies. Pam weighs in on her experiences and together they dive into some interesting and enlightening literature on the subject.
Listen in this week for part 2 of our interview with therapist Alistair Moes, as he shares his knowledge about men, their feelings and their relationships.
Alistair has run anger management workshops for both men and women for over 25 years and has much to teach us about men and their feelings.
Listen in this week for part 1 of an interview where the therapists talk with Alistair- a therapist and colleague who’s worked for years specifically with men and their anger issues.
Learn how the men in his practice have learned to deal with their anger and their needs in relationships and where their issues originally stemmed from.
If you’ve struggled with anger in your life, don’t miss parts 1 and 2 of this fascinating interview.
Listen in this week as the therapists dish and dive about The Withdrawer.
Behind every good pursuer is a good distancer. Iona is married to one and Pam is one, so its a charged topic. Learn how they each cope in their own marriages and learn what it is that the withdrawer is truly feeling underneath the cool exterior.
It'll surprise you how much is under there. Also, learn what the distancer really longs for and how the pursuer can give it to them, if they don't retreat into withdrawal.
Understand your stance in the cycle so you can get what you need from your partner and from your relationship.
We would like to wish you a very Happy Valentines Day from us at Relationship Dish. Love the one you're with, and most importantly love yourself to help love others more.
Iona and Pam
This week the therapists dish and dive about the pursuer position in the cycle.
Iona is a pursuer and Pam is married to one, so there is plenty of fodder to go around! Learn what the pursuer really needs, feels and longs for and how their stance can sabotage themselves and their partner. The more I pursue, the more you withdraw! Learn how to break out of this conflict, voice what you need and get what you need from your partner.
Listen in this week as Iona and Pam dish and dive about growing apart from their partners.
It can happen to the best of us but how do we know if it’s just a phase or something more permanent?
Pam and Iona weigh in on their own experiences and learn how to tell the difference and how to stop the disconnection dead in its tracks.
As a special treat to celebrate our recent 100th episode, this week the therapists interview Eric, Pam’s husband, to find out what impact the podcast has had on him, the relationship and Pam.
We learn what’s changed for Eric as a result of his partner’s podcast journey and how their relationship has grown over the past 2 years.
We also hear what’s remained the same and what Eric’s learned about himself through the eyes of the podcast. Finally, listeners get to hear from the other side!
Listener pick!
Just in time for cold and flu season...
Listen in this week as the therapists discuss hypochondria.
Ever worry if the headache you have is really a tumour? Or if the cough you have is more nefarious than you think? Many of us, of course, wonder from time to time, but to obsess constantly about these long shots is the pain of hypochondria.
Pam and Iona discuss how it has personally touched their lives and the lives of those they care about.
Learn what it is and how to manage it if you suffer and how to help someone you love get through it! It can be a tricky one to treat, but, there is help and recovery as you’ll find out.
Listen in this week as the therapists dish about healthy guilt.
Is that a thing? You betcha! Sometimes feeling healthy guilt is really useful. Pam and Iona dish about their healthy guilt and the fallout they’ve experienced of not truly feeling it.
Dive into the literature about healthy guilt and learn its vital role in our lives, if we’ll accept it!
Happy new year! What better way to start 2020 than with learning how to regulate your emotions so that you can maintain your relationships!
Listen in as the therapists dish about their own struggles with discharging emotions in their relationships and the damage it’s done. Then learn what the literature says about the window of tolerance and how to keep ourselves within it so we can stay true to our own emotions while keeping the connection with our partners. A juggling act and a fine balance!
Happy New Year and Happy Holidays,
Here is a replay of one of our favourite episodes,
Falling in Love.
Sometimes we have to do away with the image we create of our partner, so we can meet and fall in love with who this person really is. They learn that this is not a selfish thing, that another person is not out on this earth to fill all of our fantasies, but rather to be loved for who they truly are.
Listen in and decide if you’re willing to fall in love with the actual person you’re with, instead of the fantasy of what this person can offer you.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays,
Here is a replay of one of our favourite episodes. The Critic.This week the therapists dish and dive about that critical voice in their heads, their inner critics.
They look at where they come from and how we can learn to manage them so they don’t take over our lives. Listen in and learn how to beat those negative voices!
This week the therapists continue their interview with a couple who are beating the odds!
Typically divorce rates for second marriages are even higher than for firsts. But not for this couple!
Listen in and learn how they've persevered against toxic ex partners, blended families and outside responsibilities to keep and nurture the love they found with each other the second time around.
Our final in a special 2 part episode.
This week the therapists interview a couple who are beating the odds!
Typically divorce rates for second marriages are even higher than for firsts. But not for this couple!
Listen in and learn how they've persevered against toxic ex partners, blended families and outside responsibilities to keep and nurture the love they found with each other the second time around.
Listen in this week as the therapists dish and dive about adult growth and development.
Why is it that so many adults believe that once you’re of drinking age, that you’re done developing? Adults must continue to grow and mature until death or else stagnation ensues!
Learn how to grow and mature in your adult years so you can have the best possible relationships with self and others!
Listen in this week as the therapists conclude their conversation with the single ladies.
Learn from them how to have a happy and full filling life, with or without a partner and understand how they find joy and meaning in their day to day lives.
Listen in this week as the therapists talk with two single women about their lives and loves.
Learn how they thrive in a “couples’ world” and understand where and how they find meaning in their lives. What relationships matter most to them? What fulfills them? What teaches them about themselves?
Part 2 will continue next week. Don’t miss it!
This week the therapists dish and dive about the low level forces that can compete with intimacy.
They look at their own relationship struggles and learn how things like pride, the search for objective truth and power struggling can arm wrestle with the intimacy you share with your partner.
Learn how to spot and conquer these forces before they damage your relationship.
This week the therapists dish and dive about Seasonal Affective Disorder aka SAD.
With the fall time change upon us, many of us struggle with having less daylight hours. Pam and Iona weigh in on the issue of seasonal depression and come up with some great preventative measures to keep you from feeling down during the darkest months of the year.
This week the therapists dish and dive about getting blindsided; when the universe throws you a curveball.
Iona weighs in on her recent experience of being knocked off her feet with unexpected bad news and realizes how excessive worry does not protect her or control any further reverberations. Pam weighs in on some of the curveballs that life’s thrown at her, and looks at how she’s navigated through without actually dealing with her feelings.
They dive into the literature about how to deal with the unexpected in a healthier and more productive manner. Life throws us curveballs, learn how to deal!
This week the therapists weigh in on their relationships with their mothers....cue scary music!
They wonder how they’re like them, different from them and how they’ve been generally influenced by their mothers.
They then dive into the literature on the mother daughter relationship to determine if they are destined and predisposed to become their mothers, or if they can live and mother as they choose.
Listen in this week as the therapists answer a listener’s question:
How do you know when to leave a relationship?
Pam and Iona discuss the reasons for having left or stayed in their own relationships through the years, then dive into some literature that can help guide the decision whether to stay or to go.
This week, as a special thanksgiving episode, the therapists dish and dive about loneliness.
Pam and Iona discuss the difference between being alone and being lonely and reminisce about times in their lives when they’ve felt lonely. They dive into the literature and learn that there’s a difference between being alone and feeling lonely.
They’re not the same! Listen in and learn.
This week Pam and Iona weigh in on dreams.
Listen in as they share some of the more exciting, reoccurring and cryptic dreams they’ve had over the years. Then they dive into the literature about dreams and share some of the most interesting psychological ways to interpret dreams.
Do dreams really come from the unconscious, bringing with them valuable insight into our psyches, or are they just random, meaningless movies we get to watch while we sleep?
Listen in and learn!
This week the therapists dish and dive about couples counselling.
Both of them have attended and benefitted from couples counselling over the years but also understand that sadly, it can be quite stigmatized in our society.
They dive into the literature and understand why it’s been such a stigma, both socially and culturally, and offer some ideas to help you get over these obstacles so that you can have your best and most loving relationship.
This week the therapists dish and dive about some of the impulses they have and what they do with them.
It seems that both therapists have some pretty dark impulses in their relationships and aren’t always sure how to proceed. As they dive into the literature, they learn why these impulses are both useful and informative.
Learn how to work with your impulses in a safe and productive way.
This week the therapists dish on the kindness of strangers as they remember the anniversary of the 9/11 attacks.
Within the darkness that unfolded, there were many stories of human connection, vulnerability and love. One particular story is the Gander, Newfoundland story in which a small town opened their hearts, resources and wallets to almost 7,000 stranded passengers from around the world.
Listen in and learn why those acts of kindness have both emotional and physical benefits for us all and what can get in the way.
Love even when it’s foolish to do so.
It’s back to school time and this week the therapists dish and dive about the anxiety they experience around this time of year.
Why, even as adults, do we experience back to school jitters and anxiety?
Well, the literature shows that we’re not alone. Listen in and learn how you can ride through the early days of September with less anxiety and more joy!
This week the therapists look at how and why we get more stuck in our negative emotions and experiences than in our positive ones.
Pam and Iona both have a tendency toward negative bias- recalling and ruminating about negative experiences more so than the joyful ones. Through their dive into the literature, they learn why this is adaptive yet shortsighted and unbalanced.
Listen in and learn how you can have a more joyful life.
Listen in this week as the therapists wonder if therapy is helpful after all.
They discuss the different types of therapy models out there and determine just how useful each one is. Listen in so you can make informed choices about your own therapy!
Listen in this week as the therapists dish and dive about over functioning. Pam and Iona both learned to over function to control and distract themselves from chaotic situations in their lives. They discuss the price of over functioning and the toll it can take on your life. Learn how to recognize over functioning as a coping mechanism in your own life before you burn out!
This week the therapists dish and dive about jealousy.
Iona’s had an episode of feeling very jealous, which catches her off guard. Pam weighs in on how those ugly feelings have raised their head repeatedly throughout her relationship as well.
Listen in as they dive into the literature about the function of jealousy and learn how to reign in that wild beast.
This week the therapists finish their discussion about trauma with a dive into the literature about trauma.
We learn about the different types of trauma, how it develops and how to treat it. Not all trauma is created equal and the more you know, the more you can do to manage, move past and even grow from the trauma in your own life.
This week the therapists dish extensively about their own experience with trauma and the ongoing impact these traumas have had on their lives.
There is no dive this week folks, just juicy dishing! Stay tuned for next week’s dive into the trauma literature.
Season 4 is here, and it's going to be great!
Iona and Pam
Season 4 is here, and it's going to be great!
Join us on a new season where we Dish and Dive on topics sure to peak your interest.
Iona and Pam
Hi listeners, we're still on our break between season 3 and 4 but in the meantime we're going to leave you with a quick appetizer today.
Try treating your partner as you would treat your client, and see your relationship as something alive and ongoing.
We will be back next week to launch season 4 on July 24th with new exciting episodes that are sure to give you the dish you are looking for in your relationship.
Iona & Pam,
Relationship Dish
Here is a quick little 1 minute Appetizer for you about The balance and courage to stand alone.
We're taking a 2 week break while preparing to launch season 4 and will return July 24th with new exciting episodes that are sure to give you the dish you are looking for in your relationship.
Iona & Pam,
Relationship Dish
This week the therapists weigh in on the issue of addiction, in its many forms.
Listen in as they discuss their own addictions and the addictions of their family members and friends. Dive into the literature with them as they navigate through the various diagnostic and treatment models to find the right one for you.
This week the therapists dish and dive about affairs and infidelity.
Listen in as they dish about their own experiences with infidelity and affairs (spoiler alert, it’s not pretty) and the impact they’ve had on their lives.
Learn from the literature how to deal with it, get past it or get out of it if it happens to you!
This week the therapists dish and dive about that critical voice in their heads, their inner critics.
They look at where they come from and how we can learn to manage them so they don’t take over our lives. Listen in and learn how to beat those negative voices!
It’s Fathers Day and This week the therapists dish and dive about fathers!
They look at the fathers of their own children and compare them to their own fathers, they dive about the importance of fathers and how a good relationship with father actually helps kids thrive all throughout life.
This week the therapists dish and dive about enmeshment.
They wonder if they are at times, enmeshed with their partners. Listen in as they dish about their own issues and explain what enmeshment is and how to deal with it so it doesn’t run your life!
Listen in this week as the therapists dish and dive about seeing themselves in their partners. They realize that many things that trigger them about their partners are the very things that trigger them about themselves. Being in a relationship is like standing in front of a mirror 24/7 and when that mirror feels like one of those “fun house” mirrors, well, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.
Listen in this week as the therapists conclude their interview with two women who are pros at making their marriage work.
Learn about what’s challenged them over the years and how they’ve learned to overcome these challenges and continue to grow together. They are inspirational to us. Learn from the masters!
Listen in this week as the therapists offer yet another side dish!
This time, they interview two women who, despite big obstacles, have managed to create and maintain an incredibly happy and healthy relationship.
Listen in to part 1 and find out which obstacles they faced and how they navigated them together. They are truly masters at their relationship and have much to teach us all. Next week we will conclude the interview with part 2.
Listen in this week as the therapists dish and dive about the difference between shame and guilt.
Both therapists recall events from their family of origin when guilt bled into shame. Instead of feeling guilty for a bad behaviour, they ended up feeling shamed for who they were.
Learn the differences between guilt and shame so you can more easily and cleanly heal and repair in your own life.
Listen in this week as the therapists dish and dive about the deals they make with the devil.
It turns out they tell themselves some pretty interesting stories about the things they have to do to feel safe and to keep horrible things from happening to them and theirs! Who knew they had such power! Anyone else seek guarantees that nothing bad will befall them? What are you willing to do to ensure it?
Listen in and learn about the deals we’ve made in exchange for control!
The therapists continue to dish and dive in this two part series about depression.
They continue discussing how depression has impacted their own lives and the lives of their family and friends. They then dive into the literature and share the most current research into treatment options for this painful and often misdiagnosed mental illness.
There is hope! Treatment saves lives! Listen to part 1 here
Listen in this week when Pam and Iona dish and dive about depression as part 1 of a special 2 part series.
The therapists talk about how depression has touched their own personal lives and those of their loved ones and how their relationships with depressed family members have impacted them over the years. They dive into some literature on depression to help better understand it.
The series continues next week with some treatment options.
There is hope!
Listen in this week as the therapists dish and dive about siblings.
Why are these relationships, the ones we have with the people who are the closest biologically to us, so often fraught, painful or just plain disappointing? Pam and Iona discuss their own sibling relationships and unpack the issues from their own families of origin that may explain some of the difficulties they’ve struggled with over the years.
This week the therapists dish and dive on self care.
Is it really necessary to care for the self or is it just frivolous at best, selfish at worst? Listen in as Pam and Iona struggle through the questions of self care; why is it necessary, are they allowed, is it a one size fits all and what does it even look like.
Learn some handy tips about self care for yourself, so you can give more of your best self to those you love!
Listen in this week as the therapists dish and dive about how to fully repair after a tiff.
Pam has had an issue with Eric in the kitchen (where else??) and learns how to find her part, own it and take responsibility for it without taking it all on. Iona’s has an issue with Steve and also owns her piece and realizes what she needs from Steve; for him to cleanly own his part without being defensive.
Knowing what you need, owning your part and understanding your family of origin triggers all seem to play a role in healthy repair.
Learn how to repair tiffs with your loved one in a healthy and quicker way so you can still get out and enjoy your day!
This week the therapists dish and dive on forgiveness.
Iona struggles to forgive Steve for his wrongdoing and in so doing, realized that the she was the only person she was hurting by holding onto her anger.
Pam also finds it challenging to forgive Eric because well, does that mean she also has to forget?
Learn the difference between forgiving and forgetting. Stop getting stuck and start letting go!
This week the therapists grapple with the things they can and can’t control in their partners and in their relationships.
Iona’s husband is having some issues with his family of origin and she wants to protect him from the fallout, but he refuses to let her. She feels frustrated and her anxiety cannot be soothed by controlling the situation, because he won’t cooperate! Pam also has a family member in her life who creates anxiety for her husband. She puts boundaries up around him in the same way that Steve puts boundaries up around Iona. Pam and Steve are stressed out having to deal with us!
What’s underneath this need for control? How can we support our family members short of controlling them? Listen in and learn how to support your loved one without putting your own agenda front and centre!
This week listen in for part 2 of our interview with Sandra and Laird, a loving couple, who, despite dealing with many obstacles, has made their relationship work, and work well for 37 years! Listen in as we continue the dialogue and we continue to learn from masters of the trade. What got them through the hard times? What are their rituals? How have they managed to continue to grow and evolve together? These are the difficulties that many of us struggle with and ultimately fail at. They have so much to teach us all.
This week as a special “side dish”, we air part 1 of our “Love Through The Ages” interview with Sandra and Laird, a couple that have been together for 37 years and are still wonderfully happy. The road was not easy. It was a second marriage for both (divorce stats for second marriages are even worse than for first marriages), Laird had children and most of the “honeymoon” period of this relationship was loaded with new kids, new responsibilities, new living arrangements and very little alone time. Yet, they succeeded! Listen in and learn from them. They are masters at making their relationship work. They have rituals, habits and shared values that they practice that has helped them create a safe, loving and wonderfully fun and fulfilling relationship. They are role models for us all.
This week the therapists dish and dive about grief. Not the grief we feel from the death of a person, but rather the death of a fantasy.
When we realize that our partner is not exactly what we want or cannot meet certain expectations or longings, we go through a similar process to the grief process. We feel angry, we bargain, we deny and ultimately if we can accept what is, then we can fully grieve what we don’t have. On the other side of grief is openness and a renewed sense of what is possible. The therapists learn that if they can get out of their own way, they actually have partners who can and do exceed their expectations and longings in many areas.
If you can start grieving the fantasy, then you can open yourself up to the real and wonderful person who is right in front of you.
Happy Valentine’s Day! This week listen in as the therapists dish and dive about what it truly means to love your partner.
Sometimes we have to do away with the image we create of our partner, so we can meet and fall in love with who this person really is. They learn that this is not a selfish thing, that another person is not out on this earth to fill all of our fantasies, but rather to be loved for who they truly are.
Listen in and decide if you’re willing to fall in love with the actual person you’re with, instead of the fantasy of what this person can offer you.
**This week the therapists continue with part 2 of Yours, Mine and Ours.** They continue to delve into issues and feelings that are hard to separate out and try to get to the bottom of whose responsibility they are. They learn that it is clarity that helps us to name and own our own feelings and teach the listeners how to get this clarity that we all need to untangle the mess and have better relationships with the ones we love. Learn how to overcome family of origin dynamics that can block clarity and ultimately block our way to intimacy with our loved one.
This week the therapists work hard to figure out what’s yours, mine and ours regarding feelings and responsibility for action in relationships.
It can be really tricky to pull that knot apart and really understand what we ourselves are responsible for in our relationships. Typically we are responsible for our own feelings, and for communicating those feelings to our partners, but faulty messages from family of origin can create enmeshment, confusion, guilt and resentment around responsibility for our own feelings and needs.
Listen in as the therapists learn to de-tangle their own confusion and help listeners do the same for their own lives.
**This week** the therapists dish and dive on the dilemma they have being big complainers about their partners, yet still wanting to be supportive of them and wanting them to feel like they have their backs. Knowing their partners emotional state is helpful to increase compassion and understanding when they are also triggered by their behaviours. Of course they know that its important to avoid the most damaging forms of criticism if they want to stay connected. They dive into the literature on the “couple bubble” and harnessing the power of the brain for love instead of war. Learn how to keep the integrity of your relationship protected while staying true to your own feelings of disappointment and frustration with your partner’s shortcomings. Make the relationship more important than your need to be right!
**Welcome to season 3 everyone!** This week listen in as the therapists open the new season with a dish and a dive about the difference between surviving and thriving. Iona talks about being stuck in survival mode for so long that she doesn’t even notice that some of her responses in her marriage are still coming from that place, even though there is no evidence that she is in any emotional danger. Pam weighs in on the issue and finds that her responses in her marriage can also be survival based. It takes an awareness of the price they pay for their automatic responses to move them out of survival mode into a healthier place of thriving. Learn how to recognize if your responses are survival driven and how to get out of the red zone and into thrive mode to have a happier and less stressful marriage and life!
Hey dishers, we're back with Season 3!
We have some exciting new episodes for you, so please listen in on Jan 16 for our season 3 debut! and as always Happy coupling!
Iona & Pam
Here is a quick little 1 minute Relationship Dish Appetizer for you on how to regain your composure and focus when things are getting a little out of hand.
Insert Deep breath here.
See you soon with a new full episode next week!
Here is a quick little 1 minute Relationship Dish Appetizer for you about what couples who are having great sex are doing.
Listen to this and then share with your partner, lover, and friends. Happy 2019!
Happy holidays! This week the therapists dish and dive about New Years resolutions.
What makes them stick? What makes them slide? Listen in as Pam and Iona share some of their relationship resolutions for 2019 and learn what to do to make ‘em stick.
This week the therapists dish and dive about the holidays and what makes them so difficult for couples.
Did you know that the month of December is typically the busiest for therapists? Listen in and learn how to navigate the holidays without hitting an iceberg! Learn what to watch out for and what to do to make sure you have a good time together and stay together.
Happy holidays and happy coupling!
This week the therapists dish and dive about feeling like imposters.
If they aren’t “therapisty “ all the time, does that mean they’re imposters? Are there many parts of self or do we have to be one way all the time to feel truly authentic?
Listen in as they learn just how widespread this “imposter” phenomena is and what you can do about it to feel true to yourself all the time.
This week the therapists dish and dive about feeling in their relationships, like two ships that pass in the night.
Pam and Iona worry that this is not a good thing and look for the reasons how this could be. They then dive into the literature on what helps couples to feel and stay connected and learn how important it is to turn that ship around at the first sign of trouble!
This week the therapists dish and dive on powerlessness.
Iona laments about her lack of power in getting her husband to do certain things and Pam dishes about her lack of power to get what she needs from her man.
The therapists then dive into the literature and learn that while they may not have power around certain issues, they do have something even more valuable....choice!
**This week the therapists dish and dive on compromising in our relationships.** How much is too much? How do we know when we are settling versus compromising? The therapists learn that it is important to know what we value and to prioritize our values so we know if we are accepting too much. Pam and Iona talk about their own needs and how they’ve compromised them over the years in order to stay in relationship with others. Listen in as they offer some valuable tips for recognizing what matters most.
In part 2 of our episode about this revolutionary therapy model, the therapists dish and dive about the body and how our physical sensations can lead us to understand and experience our emotions.
The body doesn’t lie and has a wealth of information for us if we could just learn how to hear and understand it’s messages. Listen in as the ladies try to untangle the connection between the body’s cues and signals and our emotional needs.
Want to understand yourself and your feelings better? Start by listening in this week!
**This week the therapists dish and dive on a super effective therapy called Intensive Short Term Dynamic Psychotherapy.** They discuss how it has impacted their lives and how it continues to inform their relationships. Sometimes, learning about their defense mechanisms and understanding how they undermine intimacy can be really frustrating and exhausting. It's even more difficult when their partners don’t do the same work that they do and their defense mechanisms creep into the picture. Listen in and learn how to identify your defense mechanisms and work with them so they don’t sabotage the intimacy in your life.
It’s Halloween and the therapists are scared silly! This week, Pam and Iona dish about what scares them about their partners and about their relationships!
And, as always, Pam throws in some brainiac science about the brain, that actually is quite helpful!
Ugh, comparing ourselves to others, why do we do it? How is it helpful? Well, we do it because we are gluttons and no, it is not helpful! In fact, it is hurtful!
This week the therapists dish and dive on comparing themselves to others, or what they perceive others’ lives to be like. Its not fun because when we compare our reality to another’s fantasy, its not fair or even reasonable. Listen in as the therapists discuss how and to whom they’ve compared themselves and what the results of that are. Hint- they don’t feel great at the end of it!
Learn how to stop comparing and start appreciating the life you do have
Anxiety- yikes! This week the therapists dish and dive on anxiety. They talk about how anxiety has permeated their lives and how it impacts their relationships with their partners. It ain’t pretty!
Afterwards, they dive into the literature on anxiety and learn how to live with it and how to stop it from robbing the joy out of their love lives.
If you or anyone you love struggles with anxiety, don’t miss this episode!
This week the therapists dish and dive about defensiveness. If things are escalating quickly, it's a sure sign that defensiveness is in da house!
Iona and Pam dish about accountability and how difficult it can be to own their pieces of the problem. But, they discover that ownership begets ownership and the more likely they are to own their stuff, the more likely their partners are to do the same.
Conversely, ownership can also feel like a hot potato, tossing blame back and forth between partners, no one wanting to hold it for very long. The therapists then dive into the literature and learn that the tossing of the hot potato can lead to major consequences- divorce being one of them.
Listen in as they learn more and more about accountability, blame and how to safely own your part of the issue so you can feel more like a team.
This week the therapists dish and dive about what the hell women really want. They ask themselves if they even know what they want?
And if they don’t know, how do they expect their partners to know? It’s a tough question and not a simple answer. However, the therapists dive into some pretty solid research about it and come up with some surprises thanks to Drs. Julie and John Gottman and their years of research into this issue.
Listen in as the therapists try to figure it out for themselves and talk about how their partners are doing trying to figure it out as well. The men in their lives are pretty much in the dark about it and liken it to a moving target. Listen in as they dispel the myths and highlight the research and discover that it’s not as difficult as it seems.
This week the therapists dish and dive about boundaries. They find it tough to put them up but ultimately necessary. Pam and Iona discuss their struggles erecting boundaries and the price their relationships have paid. They talk about what they learned about boundaries from their family of origin and start to better understand their inner conflicts with them. As it turns out, boundaries are important as they help us to honour feelings of anger and frustration and give them a voice. The therapists then dive into the literature on boundary setting and give their listeners some helpful hints about when to do it and how to do it so as to not feel like a “bad” person.
This week on the podcast Pam and Iona dish about triggers - those things that pull us into big emotional responses and experience emotions that we just can’t regulate.
What triggers the therapists and how do they navigate these triggers so they don’t cause damage? Listen in and learn how to self regulate, self soothe and catch these triggers before the gun goes off!
This week the therapists wrap up their first “side dish”- when the listeners get to eavesdrop on a conversation with three young, newly married 30 something women.
What are their relationships like? What are their struggles? What do they wish they knew before they got married? Newly married Jill Lansky from The August Diaries and her pals give us a glimpse into their world.
This interview is part 3 of 3
This week the therapists continue to change things up with their first “side dish”- when the listeners get to eavesdrop on a conversation with three young, newly married 30 something women.
What are their relationships like? What are their struggles? What do they wish they knew before they got married? Newly married Jill Lansky from The August Diaries and her pals give us a glimpse into their world.
This interview is part 2 of 3
This week the therapists change things up with their first “side dish”- when the listeners get to eavesdrop on a conversation with three young, newly married 30 something women.
What are their relationships like? What are their struggles? What do they wish they knew before they got married? Newly married Jill Lansky from The August Diaries and her pals give us a glimpse into their world.
This interview is part 1 of 3.
This week the therapists dish and dive about in laws. Cue scary music!
Pam and Iona dish about some of their more colourful issues with in laws (it isn’t always pretty) and dive into the literature that speaks to why the relationship can go sideways, how to get along better with your in laws and what the struggles really are about down deep in the heart.
This week the therapists dish and dive about fairy tales- like the ones we all bought into about living happily ever after marrying a prince?
It doesn't exactly go that way without hard work, does it?
The therapists talk about the misconceptions and damage these fairy tales have created and dive into the literature about how they began, what the real message was and how we can break free of these notions to have healthy and sustainable relationships.
This week the therapists dish about their negative thoughts and how these thoughts can create big feelings and reactions. But what if their thoughts aren’t totally rational or true?
The therapists then dive into the literature on CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) and learn about all the different types of irrational thoughts we can have, how they can impact our feelings and behaviour and teach how you can recognize and debate them to avoid having painful and unnecessary emotional reactions.
This week the therapists dish and dive about having BIG feelings. They are big feelers and it’s not always easy to be that way in relationship with less emotive partners. Sometimes, having big passionate emotions about specific events has roots in painful or meaningful childhood experiences.
The therapists then dive into the literature and learn that big feelings of anger, anxiety or even depression can be just the tip of the iceberg and that oftentimes, totally unrelated emotions sit underneath.
They present a feeling word list for those of you who’d like to express their feelings more often and a nice takeaway to help couples share and manage their feelings together to create more intimacy between them.
This week the therapists dish and dive on part two of the family of origin issues that we can drag into our romantic relationships.
Growing up, from the way our caregivers responded to our emotional needs, we learned about our own worthiness and the trustworthiness of others.
Pam and Iona dish about how their FOO experiences have wrecked havoc with their partners and dive into the literature to learn and teach what can be done to create intimacy and reduce conflict within a relationship if your “models of self and other” were damaged. There is hope!!
This week the therapists dish and dive on family of origin issues and how they inform our sense of self and sense of other.
Am I loveable? Are caregivers reliable? If we come out of our families feeling a lack of love ability and a lack of trust in others, it can be pretty tough to navigate romantic relationships down the road.
Listen in and get started thinking about what you learned about your self and your world from your family of origin.
Its summer and that means travelling with your partner! Oh boy! The therapists dish on what has gone wrong, what can go wrong and what’s normal for most couples. Iona dishes about the issues she’s had travelling with Steve, from egg salad sandwiches, to forgetting to eat, to forgotten laptops at US customs, to running late for ferries and airplanes, they’ve seen it all. Pam dishes about some of the issues she’s encountered in her relationships around travelling including different styles of seeing the world. The therapists then dive into some interesting literature about why travelling with your partner is so important, what you can learn about each other and some helpful tips for avoiding disasters while on the road.
This week the therapists dish and dive about their relationships at large in the world. Are they an extension of our relationships with our partner and with others? Iona dishes about people seeming more angry in the world in general and Pam dishes about struggles she has had with angry drivers with bad energy. Are we polluting the world with our bad moods and actions towards others? The therapists then dive into some literature about the notion of happiness. You’ll be surprised what you hear. Learn how you can be happier too!
This week the therapists dish about the frustration they feel toward their partners who are not as psychologically minded as they are. Iona struggles with Steve sometimes because he doesn’t have the same map that she has about how the most productive conversations unfold.
He doesn’t always follow her rules of engagement and that makes her feel like she alone is the keeper of the process of the conversation. Sometimes, without realizing, he can throw a grenade into their conversations just when Iona feels they are getting really productive.
Pam struggles in the same way with Eric, but understands that this is both a skill and a gift that has been practiced and honed in us as therapists. Can we really expect that our partners, who are not trained therapists, should have a mutual understanding and see the big picture the same way that we do? Still, we don’t want to be “stewards of the conversation” without our partners help. The therapists then dive into some basic ideas about what it means to be psychologically minded and psychologically mindful and finally create a wish list for their ‘golden rules of conversation’, hopefully sparking listeners to create their own wish lists with their partners to increase understanding, decrease conflict and create more intimacy and closeness!
This week the therapists dish about the fine balance between togetherness and separateness.
Iona struggles with both her teenage daughter’s and husband’s growing up and away from her while in the past, Pam, the introvert, has struggled with Eric’s need for more togetherness and more recently, his needs for separateness.
The therapists then dive on some useful literature to help us understand and navigate this precarious balance, with the ultimate goal of improving our connection by communicating our needs and feelings to our partner.
Hey dishers, we're back!
Listen in to our season 2 premiere when we talk about everyone's favorite topic money.
Money- love it or hate it, it’s one of the most difficult topics to discuss with your partner. The therapists dish on the role of money in their own relationships and how it’s been contentious.
They dive into some interesting research and come back with some helpful hints on how to prevent it from taking over your relationship. So let's learn more about this hot button and how to navigate it safely with our partners!!
We've just wrapped Season 1 with 20 episodes! There is a lot of variety and great topics covered, so feel free to listen to any of the episodes again for things you may have missed or a refresher.
We will back for a season 2 shortly and would love to thank your for your continued support.
Send us your ideas for a season 2 show or just email us if you have any questions, we would love to hear from you.
Dishers@relationshipdish.com
Iona and Pam
Even though defense mechanisms are normal, they can really get in the way of closeness with your partner.
This week the therapists dish about the defenses they use and how they're affecting their own romantic relationships! (Spoiler alert: it’s not great!)
They then dive into some interesting definitions of defense mechanisms and share a list of some of the most popular ones! You’ll recognize yourselves! We did!
Some useful takeaways follow as always!
Anger is a very important and informative emotion, yet many of us have troubles allowing ourselves to just be with it.
Listen in as the therapists dish about their own history and relationship with anger. It hasn’t always been a comfortable relationship between themselves and anger. They’ve fought it, felt ashamed by it, given in to it and been controlled by it.
Learn healthy ways of expressing anger, understand the difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness and discover what hidden gems might be under your anger.