Doing What Works: Recent Episodes
Doing What Works
Doing What Works is a nationally-syndicated radio talk show that helps you fix what you don't like about your life.
Expectations often lead to disappointment and unnecessary suffering. We’ll help you loosen their grip in this edition of Doing What Works.
Here are your show notes…
Warren Buffett says the key to a long marriage is low expectations.
If you’ve got a T-shirt with blood stains all over it maybe laundry isn’t your biggest problem right now.
Dan Savage says any long-term relationship that’s successful is really a myth that two people create together.
Maybe You Should Talk to Someone.
Is it possible to know too much? Possibly! We’ll give you less to think about in this edition of Doing What Works.
Here are your show notes…
Inside the mind of a master procrastinator!
Glass bottles have microplastics, too.
The golden mean.
The human brain isn’t designed to process all of the world’s breaking emergencies in real time.
Jonathan Haidt on attention fracking.
You can choose what you do, but you can’t choose what you like to do.
What would make a mouse in the living area of the RV feel like the best Christmas morning? We’ll take you on quite a ride in this edition of Doing What Works.
Here are your show notes…
You worry too much for someone who God has never failed.
Nature is indifferent to us.
Go back to sleep, Chuck. You’re just havin’ a nightmare -- of course, we are still in hell.
Gasoline can start to go bad after only three months in a tank.
“Two men looked out through prison bars. One saw mud. The other, stars.” This encore edition of Doing What Works is an ode to Maureen’s penchant for stargazing.
Here are your show notes…
Seth Godin, Tim Urban, and Scott Adams are a few of my favorite people to keep up with.
Jane Brody says people often look at questions as attacks.
The Let Them Theory is a useful way of looking at the world.
It was never between you and them.
You might not know if you want to be friends with someone after a few seconds of meeting, but you probably know if you don’t! This encore edition of Doing What Works is permission to trust that feeling.
Here are your show notes…
Jane Brody suggests you trust your knee-jerk impressions of people.
Don’t be so open-minded your brains fall out!
Darrell’s kept track of every penny he’s spent since he started college. If you want to keep better tabs on your own money you might have fun listening to this edition of Doing What Works.
Here are your show notes…
Your Money or Your Life might change the way you look at the money you spend.
You probably have a lot to be thankful for, but the magic is in the noticing. That’s our premise in this edition of Doing What Works.
Here are your show notes…
A wait of unknown duration is more difficult than a finite wait.
Withholding praise borders on immoral.
If there’s something you want to do, make it more convenient.
Everything around you that you call life was made up by people who were no smarter than you.
Your life matters; this movie will remind you.
“Just be yourself” is terrible advice.
All’s well that ends well, but what if it doesn’t? Can you salvage the happy memories and be thankful for the polish? This edition of Doing What Works might inspire you to look on the sunnier side.
Here are your show notes…
Anne Lamott says her son is the swirl of every age he’s ever been.
I gave more thought to a tattoo than I did to either of my marriages. Before you decide I’m bad at risk assessment, I hope you’ll listen to this edition of Doing What Works.
Here are your show notes…
“Listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.”
Katie broke her single-day cycling mileage record without leaving New York City, and this edition of Doing What Works is bursting with so many insights you’ll swear we left the lid off a popcorn popper!
Here are your show notes…
Are you sure running is good for you?
You wake up the brain by quieting the thinking mind.
Jerry Seinfeld’s a fan of transcendental meditation.
Friday Night Lights wasn’t really about football.
If you’ve ever found yourself suddenly devouring everything you can about something you could’ve sworn you had no interest in, you’ll love this edition of Doing What Works!
Here are your show notes…
JCPenney unveils glitzy Taylor Swift-inspired collection.
The Kingdom is a documentary about the Kansas City Chiefs.
Taylor Swift joined Travis and Jason Kelce on their podcast, New Heights.
Are two cats better than one?
All the Way to the River is a new book by Elizabeth Gilbert, who talked about it on CBS News.
The Wright Brothers used to switch sides in arguments!
Katie and I don’t shy away from the difficult conversations. If you want the kind of relationship we have, I’d start with this edition of Doing What Works!
Here are your show notes…
“Sweep everything under the rug for long enough, and you have to move right out of the house.”
Staying healthy, managing your money, managing conflict. If you wish you would’ve learned those skills in school, this edition of Doing What Works is a class on why that was probably impossible.
Here are your show notes…
Want to be healthier? It Starts With Food!
Being around the wrong people can kill you.
Dental gum keeps my sugar cravings at bay.
A typo, a missing button, a filler word. Edit those out of your life, and keep our focus where you want it. Like we do in this edition of Doing What Works!
Here are your show notes…
Darrell helped edit my first book, Staying the Course: A Runner’s Toughest Race.
There’s always one more bug.
Taylor Mali has been teaching spoken word workshops all over the world since 2000.
Helen Gurley Brown said everyone needs an editor.
Your physical possessions. Your financial history. Your digital files of (thousands of?) photos. It’s the spring cleaning encore edition of Doing What Works!
Here are your show notes…
Bob Culbertson plays the Chapman Stick.
Justice, love, even shame. There are themes running through our lives, and in this edition of Doing What Works we show you why they’re worth examining.
Here are your show notes…
How The War of Art’s Steven Pressfield discovered the themes of his life.
Jonathan Fields: “If you’re tethered to a toxic person, you can’t meditate or journal that away.”
Every time I sit down to write I think, “I’ve got nothing.” The same with the show: “There’s nothing left to cover.” Katie knows I power through anyway -- she helps! -- and we share how in this edition of Doing What Works.
Here are your show notes…
Rick Rubin’s The Creative Act might help you trust what you already know.
Steven Pressfield might help you defeat Resistance, but the struggle will be daily.
The Rookie might help you remember it isn’t too late.
Anne Lamott might inspire you to see the value in not-at-all-perfect first drafts.
When someone who self-identifies as frugal offers to buy you a sixteen-dollar pretzel, wouldn’t you be touched? Katie was, but she was also sad. That was nine years ago, she’s still sad, and this edition of Doing What Works is a study in wistful.
Here are your show notes…
What is a weird kind of sad?
Are you ready for kindergarten?
What strikes you about your scrapbooks, journal entries, or photo albums? This edition of Doing What Works is an ode to the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves.
Here are your show notes…
Even if you don’t keep a journal, your body remembers trauma.
Are you a Rememberer or a Forgetter?
Like rivers, people change.
Letting people be is a superpower, one that’s put to the test when relationships end. We redefine closure in this edition of Doing What Works in the hope pragmatism will prevail.
Here are your show notes…
Their behavior was your closure, because if they wanted to act differently they would have.
Closure is something you give yourself.
Like rivers, people change.
“There are only two questions people have fought about since the beginning of time: ‘How much do you love me?’ and ‘Who’s in charge?’”
The unsettling secret of lasting love.
People act when forced to act.
Volunteer work, donations, even taking in stray animals or people. So many ways to give back to the world. How do you choose where best to spend your time, money, and attention? We have the answer in this edition of Doing What Works.
Here are your show notes…
The power of lollipop moments!
Dick Bolles said if you search for half your vision with half your heart, you fail before you start.
Debbie Millman suggests you start with a big, fat lump in your throat.
Boys State is on Apple TV+.
“Wake Me Up” is my Katie-goes-to-college song.
No character transformation, no story.
A thirst for useless information, a quest to be right, the willingness to be wrong. We follow our curiosity about curiosity in this edition of Doing What Works.
Here are your show notes…
Store things at the store.
Are you a Rememberer or a Forgetter?
Two movies on one screen.
Advice from Keanu Reeves for when someone mistreats you.
The magic you’re looking for is in the work you’re avoiding.
Blind spots are, by definition, difficult to challenge. Katie and I rise to the occasion in this edition of Doing What Works.
Here are your show notes…
Do you remember the “Marine Biologist” scene from Seinfeld?
“Don’t make assumptions” is one of the agreements in The Four Agreements.
David Foster Wallace’s This Is Water might inspire you to be less judgmental.
The “thirty seconds or fewer” kindness rule.
High levels of positive illusion can help you sustain long-term romantic relationships.
“The Gell-Mann Amnesia Effect is a phenomenon where individuals trust media information despite recognizing its inaccuracies in their areas of expertise.”
Happily ever after isn’t guaranteed, and closure’s often elusive. True in movies, true in life. Some of us are more comfortable with ambiguity than others, and that’s why hijinks ensue in this edition of Doing What Works. Can’t say more without spoiling the ending!
Here are your show notes…
Beautiful Country is a beautiful book with a beautiful ending.
Cheryl Strayed’s Wild became a movie I ruined by knowing too much about how it was made.
Nothing could spoil Friday Night Lights for me; no one spoiled Hamilton for Katie.
The Mary Tyler Moore Show had a perfect ending, as did Staying the Course and Left for Dead.
Steven Pressfield has become a cheerleader for creative types.
Ever since Katie made a solo bike trip from Brooklyn to Albany and back she’s been plotting her next big adventure, and she’ll take you on a new ride in this edition of Doing What Works.
Here are your show notes…
“Choose the bigger life.”
Lightning McQueening bugs, where your face is the windshield, is from Cars.
I’m a sucker for anyone who doubles over with laughter at my observations, waits patiently for me to get ready, or talks me down off a ledge that’s all of four inches high. What about you? Love is Katie’s core value, one reason she’s the perfect host for a discussion of love in this edition of Doing What Works.
Here are your show notes…
“Love is the quality of attention we pay to things.”
Jonathan Haidt says your attention is the most precious thing you have.
Laughter is glue.
Seek You: A Journey Through American Loneliness says love is action.
Where does your mind go when it wanders? If those reveries skew negative we have some ideas for you in this edition of Doing What Works.
Here are your show notes…
“I Worried” is a poem by Mary Oliver.
Improv Wisdom might inspire you to commit to the bit.
Mel Robbins suggests you ask yourself this: “What if it all works out?”
Katie successfully weathered her quarter-life crisis, and now she does her best to help me with a lifelong crisis of my own. This edition of Doing What Works is a study in contrast we hope you’ll find relatable.
Here are your show notes…
“There should be more rituals!”
Can you relate to what Gregg Levoy calls a low-grade, background anxiety about death?
Seth Godin suggests you ask whether something is a problem or a situation.
When he watches video of the 1982 Boston Marathon, Dick Beardsley still hopes for a different outcome.
What Color Is Your Parachute? author Dick Bolles said our gifts are meant to be shared.
Is it possible to move through the world without lying? Do you bristle at people who claim they do? And are white lies really that innocent? We do our best to give you honest answers to those questions in this edition of Doing What Works. We also inspire you to evaluate the quality of your relationships by how grounded they are in truth.
Here are your show notes…
“Be impeccable with your word” is the first agreement in The Four Agreements.
The Honest Truth About Dishonesty might inspire you to realize you lie more than you think.
Does wearing fake designer sunglasses prime you to be dishonest in other ways?
White lies are a gateway to bigger lies.
There’s more to life than speeding it up. So much more! And in this encore edition of Doing What Works we’ll give you a list of inaction items.
Here are your show notes…
Humanity isn’t a hack.
Silence is the only true religion.
Erma Bombeck wrote a lot of clipworthy columns.
Kites, bubbles, even triangles. To find more pockets of joy, we suggest you start with this edition of Doing What Works.
Here are your show notes…
Characters at Disney are told never to let go of a hug first.
Joyful: The Surprising Power of Ordinary Things to Create Extraordinary Happiness.
If you never watched Seinfeld but care what spongeworthy means!
Did you hear the one about the homeowner who was told to hide his boat behind a fence?
Don’t grow up. It’s a trap.
Kinetic sculptures add whimsy to your décor.
The latest version of Tour Guide Katie joins us for this edition of Doing What Works, and we dare you to find a better example of doing what works.
Here are your show notes…
The 1939 and 1964 New York World’s Fairs captured Katie’s imagination.
Jane’s Walk!
Your physical possessions. Your financial history. Your digital files of (thousands of?) photos. It’s the spring cleaning edition of Doing What Works, just in time for summer!
Here are your show notes…
Bob Culbertson plays the Chapman Stick.
The younger the child, the fewer the filters. Great, right? Well, sort of. But you’ve probably been the recipient of some not-filtered observations that really stung. And that’s only the beginning. Hearing critical voices without taking them too much to heart is, as Katie says, part of being human. We try to help with that in this edition of Doing What Works.
Here are your show notes…
Being Perfect might inspire you to stop carrying around a backpack full of bricks.
Dogs aren’t in a walk for the walking; they’re in it for the sniffing.
The Untethered Soul might inspire you to tell the voices inside your head to pipe down.
Even five minutes of meditation might help you quiet those voices.
“Tears are a sign of the presence of God in that moment.” ~ Dick Bolles
Do you believe life is out to get you? Or are you convinced you can have a really fun ride, almost no matter what? It’s a choice worth examining, as you’ll hear in this edition of Doing What Works.
Here are your show notes…
“Right now, it’s like this.”
“When you’re young, you have no perspective. Everything is happening to you for the first time. You’re the primitive human. The sun goes away, and you don’t know why, or if it will ever come back.”
“When you’re single, things happen to you. When you’re married, everything just kind of slows down to a crawl.”
When someone I admire started a podcast and admitted how much he had to learn, I guessed he wasn’t alone. We tap our producer, Darrell Anderson, for suggestions in this edition of Doing What Works. Darrell hosts a farm show that airs on 240 radio stations across the country, and he’s known for his impeccable editing. Even if you aren’t in the broadcasting (or podcasting!) business, you want to sound your best -- and we can help.
Here are your show notes…
Joshua Turek recently started the Turek Books Podcast.
The Secret Life of the Unborn Child inspired me to have Darrell read to Katie before she was even born.
Why you might have had difficulty hearing what people were saying if you say Oppenheimer in a theater.
Rick Rubin suggests riding the wave when inspiration hits; Chris Shea compares it to a dye lot. Anne Lamott suggests you ask yourself, “Why am I talking?”
Life is difficult, and life is scary. We’ll give you a break from that in this edition of Doing What Works.
Here are your show notes…
A new way to breathe.
Raise your hand as high as you can.
Jerry Seinfeld practices Transcendental Meditation.
A bicep curl for your brain.
Will you heal faster with a better view from your hospital room?
You’re friends with people whose lives, while different, are on par with yours. You drift out of touch. Decades later and after only a few clicks, you learn they’ve eclipsed you in almost every way. Now what? We tackle that juicy proposition in this edition of Doing What Works.
Here are your show notes…
Comparison is the thief of joy.
Jealousy is “hostility toward a rival or one believed to enjoy an advantage,” while envy is “painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another joined with a desire to possess the same advantage.”
If you’re anything like Katie and me you have a low-grade, background anxiety about death. In this edition of Doing What Works we share what helps us in case it helps you. Bonus feature? Never, ever do what Darrell did as a kid. You’ll be sorry!
Here are your show notes…
Jerry Weintraub said death keeps the rope taut.
In Tuesdays with Morrie, Morrie suggested asking a little bird on your shoulder if today is the day you will die.
Barbara Sher said the passage of time drives you crazy when you know you aren’t using it right.
Elizabeth Gilbert says you can tell who’s living for others by the anguished look on the faces of the others.
It might be helpful when you’re struggling to think, “This is the curriculum.”
Betty White wasn’t afraid to die.
An alarm I carry to scare off dogs didn’t scare a dog that terrorized me recently, but it accidentally kept me safe in a different way. That’s why I was eager to talk about utility in this edition of Doing What Works.
Here are your show notes…
A util is “a hypothetical unit measuring satisfaction.”
Nibbles & Bits are worth it!
Marginal utility is “the amount of additional utility provided by an additional unit of an economic good or service.”
How would you know what happiness feels like if you never felt the opposite? We’re happy to give sadness its due in this edition of Doing What Works.
Here are your show notes…
“It is such a secret place, the land of tears.”
Make sure you have something to do, someone to love, and something to look forward to.
The kind of week you have might depend on whether you ask yourself what you’re dreading, or what you’re looking forward to. This edition of Doing What Works is an invitation to change your mind(set).
Here are your show notes…
Dr. Daniel Amen suggests you challenge ants. No, not those. These! Automatic negative thoughts.
The Untethered Soul’s Michael Singer says the voice inside your head is like an obnoxious roommate who will not shut up.
Lollipop moments create ripples forever.
Donald Miller’s Blue Like Jazz, a book I read on Katie’s recommendation, is a winner. Promise!
Someone stumbles on a word and you jump in with a correction. Are you being helpful or obnoxious? In this edition of Doing What Works we examine boo-boos like “Pacific” when it’s “specific,” and whether corrections are kind or cruel. We also make a case against pointing out an unzipped zipper -- and how, while youth isn’t necessarily wasted on the young, feedback might be!
Here are your show notes…
“Casually cruel in the name of being honest” is a Taylor Swift lyric.
What do oranges, façades, butterflies, and dolls have in common? You’ll find out if you listen to this edition of Doing What Works. But bring your childlike self, because this is an experiment in random (with a dollop of whimsy).
Here are your show notes…
What are tapas?
What’s the squiggle under the C in façade?
What’s the precise definition of façade?
We all have a face that we hide away forever.
Would you like to see a periwinkle card from Papyrus that features a butterfly?
Would you like to hear one of Maureen’s favorite Tom Petty songs?
Have you seen Barbie?
Your next job. Your relationship. The apartment you want. Even if it doesn’t bother you to be vague about those plans or circumstances, the people in your orbit might pressure you to label them. Now what? That’s what we tackle in this edition of Doing What Works. Wish us luck!
Here are your show notes…
Casting director Jane Brody trusts her first impression at least in part because that’s how the audience decides whether to pay attention.
Katie was in Business Professionals of America in high school.
Katie and I fancy ourselves the enlightened sort, who only occasionally let our egos get in the way of doing the right thing. When really, those egos get in the way constantly. Now what? Katie thinks I did a great job of answering that question in this edition of Doing What Works, but we’ll let you be the judge!
Here are your show notes…
We contain multitudes.
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
The capacity for joy directly related to capacity for pain.
Who’s your role model for aging? Dennis Welch is one of mine. The publicist-turned-musician joins us for a special edition of Doing What Works. Dennis would never dream of getting to a point in life where he says, “Well, I guess this is it. I guess it’s all downhill from here.” Give him an hour and he’ll give you new hope for the next few decades of your life.
Here are your show notes…
If I Live to Be a Hundred is Dennis Welch’s latest.
Steve Martin says turning sixty means your long-term goals are now short-term.
Steven Pressfield says the time to start your next project is the day you finish the last one.
Storyworthy’s Matthew Dicks suggests you not fret your long-term goals. Just make things.
Dan Buettner is an expert on longevity.
Quick. What do you think of when you hear about the farm bill? Handouts to farmers, right? That’s what I thought, and I should know better. Our show’s producer, Darrell Anderson, has been hosting a daily farm feature for almost thirty years. In this edition of Doing What Works I learn what I should’ve learned long ago. You might find it enlightening, too!
Here are your show notes…
Scientist invents lab-grown beef only to realize cows exist.
Interested in a book about climate change misconceptions? Here you go!
Farm to Fork airs on more than 225 radio stations across the country.
You see how fast you can get to work, empty your inbox, make it to the meeting, get back from lunch, finish your work, get to the gym, get home, and meal prep so you can have…twenty more minutes than you would have otherwise, to sit on the couch before going to bed. If this sounds familiar, you’ll feel less alone for listening to this edition of Doing What Works.
Here are your show notes…
A wait of indeterminate length will feel longer than a finite wait.
Derek Sivers was once struck by how little he gained by going all out on his bike versus riding at a more relaxed pace.
Empathy isn’t walking in someone else’s shoes. It’s listening to people tell their stories, and it’s believing them even when you can’t relate. Human connection is a lot of work, as we talk about in this edition of Doing What Works, and that’s one reason it’s so meaningful.
Here are your show notes…
Tim Urban has a few thoughts on fatherhood.
Atlas of the Heart will help you understand the language of human experience.
Doing something narcissistic doesn’t make you a narcissist.
Something happens, then something else happens, and then still something else. That’s a series of events, but it isn’t a story. A story has stakes, motivation, gaps between what people expect and what they get. This edition of Doing What Works is a primer on story structure that just might help you live a better story.
Here are your show notes…
Story, by Robert McKee, is a book about screenwriting.
Steven Pressfield is famous for, among other things, inspiring writers.
A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, by Donald Miller, is another book about story that Katie and I both love.
The creators of South Park once visited an NYU class to talk about story.
Darrell and I have date night every morning. We chat before the days descend on us, and in this edition of Doing What Works we explain why that beats the more traditional (and expectation-laden) alternative. Katie talks about what makes a great date in general, and encourages you to enjoy the life-changing magic of your own company.
Here are your show notes…
How to choose a life partner!
Are you feeding your soul enough variety? Are you taking regular breaks from your day job to get out in nature and let yourself be awestruck by that wonder? The ideal hobby will capitalize on skills you wouldn’t otherwise get a chance to use, and in this edition of Doing What Works we’ll inspire you to find it.
Here are your show notes…
Don’t be intimidated by the word “callings,” suggests the man who wrote the book.
Do you commit to the bit?
There’s a wonderful expression that goes something like, “We only touch but in spots.” Better to admit there are certain discussion topics best left off the table for now (and maybe forever) than to threaten the relationship by addressing them. Respecting that limitation is strangely freeing, and Katie and I are Exhibit A in this edition of Doing What Works.
Here are your show notes…
Terri Cole is an expert on boundaries.
The bystander effect keeps people from helping sometimes.
By following her interests, Katie accidentally built the perfect resume for her dream job.
Your time is finite, and so is the number of friendships you can maintain. So why go back into your past to rekindle a relationship? Because it might be worth the risk of it not going well, that’s why. We’ll help you assess that risk in this edition of Doing What Works.
Here are your show notes…
Once you open a can of worms, the only way to put them back is to use a larger can.
“To forget a friend is sad. Not everyone has had a friend.”
Not sure whether to get in touch with someone from your past? You have to be ready for it to not turn out well.
A banana peel is biodegradable, eventually. And it’s the “eventually” part that’s ripe for discussion in this edition of Doing What Works. Is that banana peel litter? Is the parent who walks away from a grocery cart with a kid inside putting that child’s life in danger? Should you honk or yell or otherwise berate a driver not paying enough attention to cyclists and pedestrians? We don’t have all (or really any) of the answers, but you might be inspired by the questions!
Here are your show notes…
If you want a copy of the advice column Katie brought up at the start of this show, let me know.
You might love Michael Schur’s How to Be Perfect as much as Katie did!
Remember that person who budged in line at the coffee shop? It’s not the kind of thing you’d write to an advice columnist about, granted. But I bet you regaled your sweetheart with quite the tale of indignation! Katie and I think waiting in line is a fascinating study in human behavior, and if you don’t agree you haven’t listened to this encore edition of Doing What Works. Maybe you could partake the next time you’re waiting in line.
Here are your show notes…
Our Minnesota is showing when we call it budging! So says How Not to Be Wrong author Jordan Ellenberg.
There’s a science to this.
Are you in heavy traffic that’s merging from two lanes to one? Do the zipper! And, yes. It’s a thing.
What kind of stories do you make up about the people who annoy you in line?
You’ll probably never look forward to chores, but you’ll look forward to them even less if you wait until you’re tired. We take a break from the standard fare in this edition of Doing What Works to share life hacks -- don’t you hate that phrase? -- that (you guessed it) work.
Here are your show notes…
Answering 911, by Caroline Burau, will get you thinking about how many words you have at your disposal as the day wears on.
If you haven’t tried compartmentalizing -- Katie’s a fan! -- you might find it as life-changing as she does.
Do you make it easy to do the right thing?
If you feel like you should have X,Y, and Z going by the time you’re a certain age you’re bound to be disappointed. If you’re anything like Katie, you might head off perceived disappointment on the part of others with self-deprecation. In this edition of Doing What Works we give you permission (not that you need it!) to own a transition, even if there’s nothing particularly unique about it.
Here are your show notes…
Executive coach Marshall Goldsmith hopes you won’t fall prey to the “I’ll be happy when this happens” mindset.
“Comparison is the thief of joy.” ~ Katie’s boss, and others!
“If you compare yourself with others you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.” ~ Desiderata
If you didn’t catch it the first time we hope you won’t miss it this time, my interview with Katie about the greatest adventure of her life. Thanks for listening to this encore edition of Doing What Works!
No show notes this time!
“Notice I’m tensing up, decide that can’t be good, tense up even more.” If that describes you as perfectly as it does us, you’ll enjoy the line we walk in this edition of Doing What Works. How do you share something important with a worrier that might worry that person more?
Here are your show notes…
Dumb Ways to Die!
Have you ever caught yourself racing through one part of your day in order to get to a supposedly better part? I did that only hours ago, eating a salad. Why was I in such a hurry? Was a mastodon going to sneak up from behind and snatch it away? I mean, really. Slow down, as we suggest in this edition of Doing What Works, or you might miss your life.
Here are your show notes…
Barbara Sher used to say the passage of time drives you crazy when you know you’re not using it right.
Elizabeth Perkins played a kindergarten teacher in About Last Night and talked about parallel play.
“All money gets you is a nicer place to watch TV.” That’s Maureen’s mom.
“Is today the day I die?” A question Morrie from Tuesdays with Morrie suggests you get in the habit of asking.
Don’t take your phone into the bathroom with you. Don’t feel like you have to be productive all the time. Make appointments to do nothing and keep them. In this edition of Doing What Works you’ll get more suggestions like these. If you try even one? You may decide doing nothing is a worthwhile way to spend your time.
Here are your show notes…
The not-so-typical item on Maureen’s bucket list!
The Doodle Revolution might inspire you to look at doodling as deep thinking in disguise.
When you micromanage your child’s experience at a science fair or museum visit they’ll learn a lot, but probably not what you hoped. It’s much better to step back and watch the thrill of the unfolding, and we encourage you to keep the “fun” in “functions” in this edition of Doing What Works.
Here are your show notes…
Would you like an entertaining discussion of whether schools kill creativity?
Why do you call someone crabby when they’re grumpy?
Just when I thought I knew my daughter, she surprises me -- but not as much as she surprised a recent date. We’re talking party hats, noisemakers, even a certificate that’s signed and dated. Listen to this edition of Doing What Works to find out if there will be date #2 with Date #500.
No show notes this time!
You can hardly do anything these days without being asked to rate the experience. So add us to the list! In this edition of Doing What Works we ask you to consider rating the show and/or reviewing it and/or sharing it with others. But wait. There’s more! We also wrestle with how difficult we sometimes find it to ask for what we need. Maybe you can relate.
Here are your show notes…
Staying the Course: A Runner’s Toughest Race is the memoir of former marathon champion Dick Beardsley.
The War of Art is a book of encouragement for creatives.
Papyrus is a greeting card company.
Profitable Podcasting is, as our producer jokes, science fiction.
The Career Clinic: Eight Simple Rules for Finding Work You Love is a collection of stories about happy career changers.
Our friend Patricia Rossi is the reason you have show notes for these episodes, because they were her suggestion!
If you haven't already, would you like to subscribe to the blog?
As a kid, when Katie had difficulty falling asleep, she used to get out from under the covers and move her pillow aside for a few minutes. She found that once she put that bedding back it was easier to revel in the sudden comfort and fall asleep after all. Maureen’s been finishing off her hot showers with blasts of cold water. Get comfortable being uncomfortable, as we suggest in this edition of Doing What Works, and worst case you can be proud of yourself for the reaching.
Here are your show notes…
Cryotherapy is Maureen’s latest experiment, inspired by someone in the comments section of a recent “Writing Wednesdays” post by Steven Pressfield.
How much of your life do you attribute to luck? It’s a discussion even our producer, Darrell, couldn’t wait to weigh in on in this edition of Doing What Works!
Here are your show notes…
How Not to Be Wrong, by Jordan Ellenberg, is a book about the power of mathematical thinking.
“I cleaned out my refrigerator and now I can switch careers.” ~ Someone told Gretchen Rubin that, and Gretchen knew exactly what she meant.
Brooks Palmer suggests you move something to a different room to see it for what it is (probably clutter).
“Leave equal time for action as reflection.” ~ That’s from Dick Bolles.
Overeating. Apologizing for things that aren’t your fault. Offering advice when you haven’t been invited. Let’s say you break one of those bad habits. How do you make it stick? By thinking of yourself as a new person, that’s how. It’s a gradual process, and we have lots of examples in this edition of Doing What Works.
Here are your show notes…
Change turns people into someone they aren’t, and we aren’t organized for that.
Take great care with the stories you tell yourself about yourself.
If you’ve ever tried to give people compliments only to watch their eyes glaze over, maybe it’s because they’ve heard you say the same thing many times (worded the same way!). In this edition of Doing What Works Katie and I will inspire you to be specific, build in a delay, and enlist the credibility of others to make your point.
Here are your show notes…
The mind isn’t so much concerned with the details of a plan as that there is one.
When Katie was little we sometimes called her a marmot. As in, “Why even have a marmot if you aren’t going to play with her?” Now that she’s grown up and my co-host, we’re still playing around -- mostly in conversation. Listen to this edition of Doing What Works to find out why we still talk several hours a week and never get bored.
Here are your show notes…
Shrinking [https://www.imdb.com/title/tt15677150/] is on Apple TV+.
Nothing whisks Darrell back to his childhood on a turkey farm faster than the memory of two thousand turkeys in one building, gobbling. As a child, Katie was so terrified by the sounder for the THX audio system at the beginning of A Bug’s Life she’s amazed she watched that movie as many times as she did. Maureen wonders if there’s anything sweeter than the March Madness sounder, which marks not only the beginning of spring but the relentless “it’s anybody’s game” excitement of that college basketball tournament. We’ll get you thinking about the soundtrack of your life in this edition of Doing What Works.
No show notes this time!
Katie and I bet you remember something someone once told you in anger, and if you’re anything like us that shaped the person you became. In this edition of Doing What Works we not only help you unspool some of the reasons you’re wound so tight, but give you things to tell yourself instead.
Here are your show notes…
Age is not a competitive issue.
If you aren’t having fun you aren’t doing it right.
If you trust the source you don’t need the argument.
Your essence is on display as you wait in line for self-checkouts at a grocery store. Ever notice that? The stakes could not be lower, as Katie says, yet the drama can be high. In this edition of Doing What Works I let you see me being petty -- and a good kid -- at once.
Here are your show notes…
“Multiple Server, Single Phase” is a queueing theory.
The (Honest) Truth About Dishonesty is a book of loopholes!
How to Be Perfect is another book of loopholes!
Why is it so easy to know when a friend should bail out of a relationship but so difficult to know when you should? What’s the best way to break a habit? How do you increase the odds you’ll reach a goal? And is the goal really the goal? Lots to think about in this edition of Doing What Works!
Here are your show notes…
You can learn all about Resistance by following Steven Pressfield.
Change turns us into someone we don’t know, and we’re not organized for that.
“Systems are better than goals.” When you’re dieting, for example!
“This might not work” is one signpost of something worth doing.
What does a can of WD-40 have in common with a weighted blanket and an umbrella hat? Much bang for not much buck, that’s what. And in this edition of Doing What Works we’ll inspire a few additions to your shopping list. Especially if you’re a cyclist!
Here are your show notes…
Tim Ferriss is fond of asking people what purchase less than $100 has given them an outsized amount of joy.
Some people don’t know when to quit, and I’m one of them. As opposed to Katie, who rarely succumbs to the sunk cost fallacy. When does persistence become stupidity? It’s something we help you wrestle with in this edition of Doing What Works.
Here are your show notes…
Are you in the market for an exceptional tennis camp? Here you go!
“Two movies on one screen” is from Scott Adams.
The Rookie is a family favorite.
Do you feel like the bullies are winning too many rounds? Motivational speaker Tim Sanders says it’s the middle of the movie.
“Boy, when you pick a lost cause, you really commit” is from Robots.
Changing careers is difficult in part because, as a beginner, you’re going to make mistakes. So says career coach Martin Yate.
“We are unaware of what sweet miracles may come.”
“There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.”'
“When was the last time you woke up and realized that today could be the best day of your life?”
“Exposure teaches.”
If you compare yourself with others you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. That line from the Desiderata pretty much says it all, doesn’t it? But envy’s like any other emotion; it isn’t good or bad. In this edition of Doing What Works we help you use envy as fuel to get more of what you want.
Here are your show notes…
Want to hear what Charlie Munger said about envy?
“Think of the brain as a hill covered in snow, and thoughts as sleds gliding down that hill. As one sled after another goes down the hill a small number of main trails will appear in the snow. And every time a new sled goes down, it will be drawn into preexisting trails, almost like a magnet. In time it becomes more and more difficult to glide down the hill on any other path or in a different direction. Think of psychedelics as temporarily flattening the snow. The deeply worn trails disappear, and suddenly the sled can go in other directions, exploring new landscapes and, literally, creating new pathways.”
How to Be Perfect is billed as “the correct answer to every moral question.”
Do you think everything would be okay if only, say, you won the lottery? Not according to a concept called hedonic adaptation.
Change something or change your attitude about it, but don’t complain.
Aspire to happiness that’s indestructible, that isn’t dependent on the happiness of people in your orbit -- the way Alex Lickerman describes in The Undefeated Mind.
“If you compare yourself with others you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.”
“Isolation is the dream killer.” That’s from Barbara Sher.
If your passion is the saxophone but you spend your days staring at spreadsheets on a screen, the obvious solution is to spend your free time playing in a band. The not-so-obvious benefits to that are (1) something to daydream about as you attend to those spreadsheets, (2) less panic at whether either venture will work out because your proverbial eggs are spread across a couple of baskets, and (3) the great feeling that comes from knowing you’re good at more than one thing. You have lots of skills, and in this edition of Doing What Works we encourage you to find more outlets for those you most love to use.
Here are your show notes…
What Color Is Your Parachute? author Dick Bolles says our gifts don’t like to be caged up inside of us. They like to be out in the world and be used.
Here’s the Improv Everywhere sketch where strangers are applauded for making a soccer goal.
Quick. Think back on a couple of things you wanted desperately, things you didn’t get. Katie and I bet something better came along so fast you almost got whiplash, and that’s the kind of hope we hope to inspire in this edition of Doing What Works.
Here are your show notes…
Don’t forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he wanted!
Would you like the more concise version of the story Jerry Seinfeld tells at the end of Comedian?
Does this sound familiar? You stub your toe, and decide you’re being punished for something. I do it every time. Katie does, too -- but only jokingly. Ridiculous as it may seem, we all have ways of pretending we have more control over things than we do -- and in this edition of Doing What Works we give you permission to do, well, whatever works!
Here are your show notes…
Would you like to know more about my experience as a Biocybernaut [https://www.biocybernaut.com/maureen-anderson/]?
Gretchen Rubin [https://twitter.com/gretchenrubin] suggests you accept yourself, so you can expect more from yourself.
If you need encouragement to become the best version of yourself, I can think of no better online community than this one [https://stevenpressfield.com/blog/].
Do you allow yourself the luxury of acting on impulse? Of following your heart before your head gets a chance to weigh in? The most important decisions aren’t necessarily the most difficult, after all, and that’s the case we make in this edition of Doing What Works.
Here are your show notes…
Casting director Jane Brody [https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0111036/bio] suggests you trust your first impression.
Night Guy, Jerry Seinfeld [https://www.instagram.com/jerryseinfeld/] says, is prone to making life hell for Morning Guy.
If you haven’t tried traveling alone, you might be surprised by how much you love it. Katie and I are such fans we’re forever angling for the next opportunity, and you might catch that fever in this edition of Doing What Works.
Here are your show notes…
Brooks Palmer [https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13235741-clutter-busting-your-life] will help you see clutter for what it is (clutter).
Background tasking [https://www.linkedin.com/learning/time-management-tips/use-background-tasking-to-get-more-done] like driving can pave the way (so to speak) for some great ideas.
Doing what works means asking the difficult questions, then pausing long enough to make room for the answers. It’s true whether you’re talking to yourself (which we all do, all day long) or someone else. This edition of Doing What Works is an ode to what Maureen heard once -- that you should learn to pause, or nothing worthwhile will catch up to you.
Here are your show notes…
“I’m not on Twitter.” Moneyball author Michael Lewis [https://www.michaellewiswrites.com/index.html#top] says that’s why he’s so prolific!
The poet Taylor Mali [https://twitter.com/TaylorMali] says people sometimes use filler words for fear of ceding the floor.
“Constant chatter is an attempt at control.” ~ That’s from What Color Is Your Parachute? [https://www.parachutebook.com/] author Dick Bolles.
Do you have music that whisks you away to a favorite time of your life? Do you have a whole playlist like that? Or do you mark the passage of time by vacations with friends, class reunions, even the release of a new postage stamp? Whatever you love we hope to inspire you to love it without reservation. The way Katie talks about Taylor Swift in this edition of Doing What Works!
Here are your show notes…
Taylor Swift [https://store.taylorswift.com/] dropped her latest album a day and a half before we recorded this show. Can you tell?
And these are the Taylor Swift songs Katie quoted: “The Lucky One,” “You Need to Calm Down,” “Untouchable,” and “Daylight.”
I used to say I’m wired for worry. Now I realize part of the reason I was wired that way. Because I was saying it! Please don’t take my word for that, though. Listen to
this edition of Doing What Works and a discussion of a book Katie found illuminating, A General Theory of Love. You can, to at least some extent, rework patterns of relationships (the most important one being with yourself).
Here are your show notes…
A General Theory of Love [https://www.amazon.com/General-Theory-Love-Thomas-Lewis/dp/0375709223] “demonstrates that our nervous systems are not self-contained: from earliest childhood, our brains actually link with those of the people close to us, in a silent rhythm that alters the very structure of our brains, establishes life-long emotional patterns, and makes us, in large part, who we are.”
“We were all wounded in some domestic war. I found you to settle my score.” That’s from Melissa Etheridge [https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/melissaetheridge/enoughofme.html].
If becoming a published author is your dream, start with this edition of Doing What Works. Maureen walks you through, with Katie’s guidance, the steps you’ll need to take. Scary? Maybe a little. But worth it!
Here are your show notes…
Staying the Course: A Runner’s Toughest Race [https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/081663758X/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i1] is Maureen’s first book.
Why Design Matters [https://www.amazon.com/Why-Design-Matters-Conversations-Creative/dp/0062872966] is a collection of interviews of creative people by designer Debbie Millman.
Uncertain waits are longer than known, finite waits [https://psychcentral.com/blog/the-psychology-of-waiting-in-lines-8-reasons-that-the-wait-seems-long#2].
With the holidays approaching and more parties on the calendar, how do you keep the “fun” in function? By paying attention to the little things that mean a lot, that’s how. And in this edition of Doing What Works Katie and I share some of our favorites. You’ll never look at a wristband the same way, for example!
Here are your show notes…
You bring your own weather to the picnic [https://twitter.com/gretchenrubin].
If you have this vague sense there should be more to life, a suggestion. Have you built enough small treats into your day, this week, the season? The trip that feels like a splurge can actually be a bargain, after all, when you factor in the fun of the anticipation -- and you can look forward to more justifications like that in this edition of Doing What Works!
No show notes this time!
You lose your temper in private, it’s one thing. In front of strangers -- or worse, colleagues? Then what? There is a way to redeem yourself, and we’ll tell you what that is in this edition of Doing What Works. We’ll also give you some suggestions for keeping the not-so-nice side of yourself at bay.
Here are your show notes…
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People [https://www.amazon.com/Habits-Highly-Effective-People/dp/0671708635] and The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens [https://www.amazon.com/Habits-Highly-Effective-Teens/dp/1476764662] are billed as maps that will take you from the person you are to the person you want to be.
Helen Gurley Brown [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helen_Gurley_Brown] edited Cosmopolitan.
If you can label an emotion you can get a little distance from it. Instead of thinking of fear as inherently bad, for example, you can use it as a reminder of how much you care. In this edition of Doing What Works we’ll help you recognize how much discomfort is a sign you’re doing the right thing.
Here are your show notes…
Are you too stressed to be productive? Or not stressed enough? [https://hbr.org/2016/04/are-you-too-stressed-to-be-productive-or-not-stressed-enough]
Elizabeth Gilbert [https://www.instagram.com/elizabeth_gilbert_writer/] says fear will always be along for the ride -- but suggests you make sure it’s a passenger and not the driver.
Writing the first line for Staying the Course: A Runner’s Toughest Race [https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/081663758X/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i1] changed how Maureen feels about fear.
To achieve great things, two things are needed -- a plan, and not quite enough time [https://twitter.com/chrisguillebeau/status/689961989523804161].
Insignificant revenge is not only a thing but it’s delicious! Never gave much thought to it until Katie mentioned it on this edition of Doing What Works. What’s petty and what isn’t? We’ll inspire you to go easier on yourself if you need something that seems petty but really does help you function.
Here are your show notes…
Stupid is as stupid does [https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0109830/quotes/?ref_=tt_trv_qu].
Of course your family can push your buttons. They installed them! I first heard that from Elizabeth Gilbert [https://www.instagram.com/elizabeth_gilbert_writer/].
Quick. Don’t overthink it. What’s your core value? You only get to choose one. Well, choose five or ten or twenty at first if you want. But then narrow the list down until you have the one. Why? Because knowing what drives you will help you make sense to yourself, and make every other decision so much easier. Don’t believe us? Give this edition of Doing What Works a listen and you’ll see (I mean hear!) what we mean.
Here are your show notes…
You bring your own weather to the picnic [https://gretchenrubin.com/2012/01/happiness-interview-harlan-coben-i-got-to-know-harlan-coben-through-the-internet-1-whats-a-simple-activity-that/].
The most important metric to track is personal energy [https://www.huffpost.com/entry/did-you-know-goals-are-fo_b_7719012].
Everything is energy [https://quoteinvestigator.com/2012/05/16/everything-energy/].
Living a meaningful life, by definition, means you’re going to give some things up [https://www.amazon.com/Excellent-Sheep-Miseducation-American-Meaningful/dp/1494502909].
Rejection is part of life, so why not have a little fun with it? If you’re a writer, make a game out of collecting rejections (because at least you’re pitching your work). If you’re looking for that special someone, see how many dates you can cram into a week (because worst case, you’ll probably make a few friends). If you’re looking for anything at all, try telling everyone you know (because that person might not know how to help, but might know someone who knows someone who could). In this edition of Doing What Works we maintain it’s less a numbers game, believe it or not, than an intention game.
Here are your show notes…
“Your Heart Is a Muscle” is a song by Carly Rae Jepsen [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SRQDQQmBrTY].
“If equal affection cannot be, let the more loving one be me.” That’s W. H. Auden [https://mailchi.mp/themarginalian/hope-love?e=7a805d5db9].
If you find yourself more annoyed than you, quote, should be at a criticism or even just an observation, maybe it’s because your identity’s all tied up in that area. In this edition of Doing What Works Katie and I bare our souls and talk about the criticism that’s stung the most. People still push our buttons once in a while, but knowing those buttons exist help us move on more quickly.
No show notes this time!
I’m texting Katie and it occurs to me to say, “I’m dead.” I don’t, though. I use a skull emoji. “It was like watching a baby take her first steps,” Katie told me in this edition of Doing What Works. I’m as late to the texting and emoji parties as it’s possible to be, and I’m finding -- as the folks at Disney might say -- a whole new world. Care to join us for a look around?
Here are your show notes…
Dr. Nick Morgan [https://publicwords.com/] says most communication is nonverbal, and using emojis can help. They’re even making their way into books.
“In case I forget to tell you later, I had a really good time tonight.” That’s from Pretty Woman [https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0100405/quotes/qt0466922].
Because Internet [https://www.amazon.com/Because-Internet-Understanding-Rules-Language/dp/0735210934] is an analysis of how communication unfolds online.
Katie made a mistake at work. Maureen was unjustly accused of a mistake in traffic. And Darrell made a mistake in a photo lab when processing someone’s wedding pictures. Oh, but that isn’t all. We have many more examples of boo-boos in this edition of Doing What Works. We also have surefire ways to -- if not fix those -- at least not make things worse.
No show notes this time!
Everything in moderation. Give yourself a cheat day. Have a few bites of dessert. Yeah? For some of us, that’s the undoing. But you do need treats -- in your diet, and in life -- and in this edition of Doing What Works we’ll inspire you to spend that time and money mindfully.
Here are your show notes…
Halo Top [https://halotop.com/] is my treat from now on.
A newborn’s range of vision is 8 to 15 inches, which happens to be the distance between a mother and baby’s face while breastfeeding [https://raisedgood.com/science-proves-new-mothers-trust-instincts/].
Picture this. You interrupt the characters in a movie to ask them what their story is about. “We’re living it,” I can imagine them saying, annoyed. “How can you expect us to know?” Yet if you’re anything like me you’re forever asking yourself what you’re playing at. Now what? Start with this edition of Doing What Works! Katie inspired me to experiment with my life, and to save the postgame for later.
Here are your show notes…
Steve Jobs said you can only connect the dots looking backward [https://news.stanford.edu/2005/06/14/jobs-061505/].
Eudaimonia [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eudaimonia] was the term for “the highest human good in older Greek tradition.”
Life, liberty, and…property? [https://didyouknow.org/life-liberty-and-property/]
Success isn’t a talent contest. It’s a story contest. That’s from Daniel Coyle [https://gretchenrubin.com/2022/05/author-interview-daniel-coyle].
Reality+ [https://www.amazon.com/Reality-Virtual-Worlds-Problems-Philosophy/dp/0393635805] changed Katie’s perception of the word “real.”
The Power of Myth [https://www.amazon.com/Power-Myth-Joseph-Campbell/dp/0385418868] is based on “one of the most popular series in the history of American public television.”
“Never be ashamed of trying. Effortlessness is a myth. The people who wanted it the least were the ones I wanted to date and be friends with in high school. The people who want it most are the people I now hire to work for my company.” That’s Taylor Swift, in a commencement address at Yankee Stadium to the NYU Class of 2022 [https://variety.com/2022/music/news/taylor-swift-nyu-speech-commencement-yankee-stadium-graduation-doctorate-1235270824/].
Have you noticed what Katie and I have, that the minute you address one fear all the others jockey for that top slot? Or what Darrell and I have, that living in the wilderness is great practice for separating life-or-death issues from those just easy to ruminate on? In this edition of Doing What Works we wrestle with what price to put on peace of mind.
Here are your show notes…
Worry postponement. It’s a thing [https://www.psychologytools.com/resource/worry-postponement/]!
The Big Leap [https://www.amazon.com/Big-Leap-Conquer-Hidden-Level-ebook/dp/B0026772QU] might help you decide if your worries are worth attending to.
Creativity, Inc. [https://www.amazon.com/Creativity-Inc-Overcoming-Unseen-Inspiration-ebook/dp/B00FUZQYBO] will help you “overcome the unseen forces that stand in the way of true inspiration.”
Interns get jobs, and sometimes those internships save them from taking jobs that aren’t right for them. It’s a free sample, but for something more important than a pretzel. In this edition of Doing What Works I’ll share, following Katie’s lead, what it was like to work on a construction crew on the interstate near Grand Island, Nebraska.
Here are your show notes…
Would you like to sample a new career [https://www.pivotplanet.com/advisors/entrepreneur/brian-kurth--3]?
Darrell jokes that it isn’t really a party until someone starts crying. Katie says the story I open this edition of Doing What Works with is as far from “party” as it’s possible to be. But between the three of us I bet you’ll have more than a few ideas for upping your party game. Here’s hoping!
Here are your show notes…
Lifestyle expert Bruce Littlefield [http://www.brucelittlefield.com/] says you’ll want a theme for your soiree.
Enthusiasm is a form of social courage [https://gretchenrubin.com/2014/04/secret-of-adulthood-enthusiasm-is-a-form-of-social-courage].
If you want clouds in that pretend sky you’re decorating the ceiling to look like, you’ll need some angel hair [https://www.etsy.com/listing/1019582267/iridescent-angel-hair-craft-strands?gpla=1&gao=1&&utm_source=bing&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=shopping_us_all&utm_custom1=_k_42da5c093cb012d1e0ee3e83ddb601dd_k_&utm_content=bing_319339186_1310617986645934_81913644654434_pla-4585513245482005:pla-4585513245482005_c__1019582267&utm_custom2=319339186].
Ice cream cone cupcakes are always a hit [https://www.food.com/recipe/ice-cream-cone-cupcakes-17865]. Promise!
If you hate feeling rushed, you’ll build in plenty of margin to make sure there’s enough time to do what you need to do. Right? Wrong! Many of us don’t excel at managing ourselves, and that’s why the discomfort ramps up when we’re put in charge of managing others. In this edition of Doing What Works we talk about the things you didn’t learn in school that would’ve come in handy once you graduated.
Here are your show notes…
Creativity, Inc. [https://www.amazon.com/Creativity-Inc-Overcoming-Unseen-Inspiration/dp/0812993012] author Ed Catmull might make you wary of the so-called wisdom of adages. They’re useful as a starting point, but experience is the best teacher.
Your bad planning is not my emergency [https://duckduckgo.com/?q=your+poor+planning+is+not+my+emergency&t=brave&iax=images&ia=images].
Want an entertaining way to learn to be a leader? Try the movie Broadcast News [https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092699/].
Part two of the shingles vaccine knocked Darrell and me out so thoroughly we couldn’t record a show with Katie the way we usually do, so we gave her the day off and kept sleeping and eventually summoned enough energy to have a conversation we’re eager to share with you. Darrell grew up on a farm, and in this edition of Doing What Works I asked him the questions I probably should’ve asked him many years (decades!) ago. I hope you find the conversation as interesting as I did.
Here are your show notes…
Want to learn more about Darrell’s radio show [https://northshoreproductions.com/], Farm to Fork?
Want to read the new book by Greg Zuckerman, A Shot to Save the World [https://www.amazon.com/Shot-Save-World-Life-Death-ebook/dp/B098RQP754]?
Biking, running, even going to dinner or a movie. Does doing something with a lot of other people enhance the experience? Darrell and Katie and I think it does, and in this edition of Doing What Works we’ll make that case for each of those examples. If you find it difficult to stick to an exercise routine, doing that with others might make it easier. Maybe even easy!
Here are your show notes…
Forty thousand bikers riding through all five boroughs of New York City? Yep! The event was May 1st this year [https://www.bike.nyc/events/td-five-boro-bike-tour/].
The Riverview Theater in Minneapolis [http://www.riverviewtheater.com/] is a family favorite.
When Katie was in elementary school she learned a painful lesson about entitlement that’s paying dividends to this day. No spoilers, but it’s one reason you won’t want to miss this edition of Doing What Works. We’ll also give you the recipe for making thank-you notes easier for children to write, because (you guessed it!) gratitude is the antidote for a sense of entitlement.
Here are your show notes…
Sarah Ban Breathnach [http://www.sarahbanbreathnach.com/] is credited with making gratitude journals not only popular but ubiquitous.
When you look ahead to the end of your life, what do you see? I see a big box of treasures to hand over to Katie. One of them is a montage of the funniest parts of my favorite movies. To the extent anyone gets together to say goodbye, I want that to be the entertainment. Katie would have a bedazzling station. You wouldn’t be required to partake, but you would make her life (so to speak) if you do. Want more ideas for putting the fun in funeral? You’ll find them in this edition of Doing What Works.
Here are your show notes…
Funerals are sad, but boring [https://twitter.com/DoingWhatWorks/status/1274081981253529601].
If you haven’t watched the “Chuckles Bites the Dust” episode of The Mary Tyler Moore Show [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0o-xrio1ESA], there’s no better time than now!
There’s another attack of silly at a funeral in the second season of Ted Lasso [https://screenrant.com/ted-lasso-funeral-episode-grief-humor-balance-how/].
“Death makes the rope taut.” That’s from When I Stop Talking, You’ll Know I’m Dead author Jerry Weintraub [https://www.amazon.com/When-Stop-Talking-Youll-Know/dp/0446548162].
“When I graduated from high school, I had already used up 93% of my in-person parent time. I’m now enjoying the last 5% of that time. We’re in the tail end.” That’s from Tim Urban [https://waitbutwhy.com/2015/12/the-tail-end.html].
Improv Everywhere [https://twitter.com/ImprovEvery] is a great reminder we’re making life up as we go.
As infractions go, letting a child eat a banana at the grocery store before you’ve paid for that probably wouldn’t make anyone’s list of what’s evil. But what do you think? Is it stealing? And at what price point does stealing become evil? In this edition of Doing What Works we linger on questions like that because we believe one task of life is to become better people as we age.
Here are your show notes…
Good is getting pleasure from helping others; evil is getting pleasure from hurting others. In general! That frame is from Dilbert creator Scott Adams [https://twitter.com/ScottAdamsSays].
“So casually cruel in the name of being honest” is from Taylor Swift [https://www.taylorswift.com/].
The simple model of rational crime [https://www.huffpost.com/entry/the-science-of-lying_b_6851312] explains a lot!
What happens when you’re stressed? Do you panic and lash out? Do you stay cool, or at least give the impression you are? Panic is, at best, distracting -- but it can easily make things worse. That’s why, in this edition of Doing What Works, we’ll help you get some emotional distance from the stressor so you can stay classier.
Here are your show notes…
When someone is letting you have it, customer service expert Rich Gallagher [https://ezinearticles.com/expert/Richard_Gallagher/258762] suggests you find something (anything!) you agree with so as to bring down the temperature in the room.
Career coach Barbara Sher [http://www.barbarasher.com/index.htm] says imaginary problems are insurmountable; real ones are not.
What if what you’re about to say were the last words someone would hear from you? A question from conductor Ben Zander [https://www.ted.com/speakers/benjamin_zander].
Do you teach people how to treat you? Do you know how to pick up a duck? Would you try to impress someone you’re dating by picking up a turkey? How can you keep criticism from sounding mean-spirited? How would you classify this edition of Doing What Works? As an experiment! We talk about everything from The West Wing to road rage, skin cancer prevention, and keeping your composure on a game show.
Here are your show notes…
Dr. Phil says you teach people how to treat you [https://www.huffpost.com/entry/dr-phil-teach-people-how-to-treat-you_n_4776336].
How to pick up a duck! [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KCiZfoZ6uf0]
In case you haven’t heard of Wordle, here it is [https://www.nytimes.com/games/wordle/index.html].
Love is the quality of attention you pay to things [https://www.themarginalian.org/2018/07/13/kahlil-gibran-prophet-love/].
The West Wing [https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0200276/] is a family favorite.
Amy Schumer has been living for years with a hairpulling disorder [https://www.everydayhealth.com/emotional-health/amy-schumer-trichotillomania-what-you-need-to-know-about-hair-pulling-disorder/].
Pat Sajak urges Wheel of Fortune fans to have some compassion [https://www.themix.net/2022/03/wheel-of-fortune-host-pat-sajak-begs-fans-to-have-a-little-heart-after-contestants-are-brutally-mocked-for-whiffing-this-easy-puzzle/].
How do you push past the feeling that nothing you’re about to create is worth sharing with anyone? It’s a question Katie had for me in this edition of Doing What Works, and the answer might just help you keep at it. That’s the goal!
Here are your show notes…
Are you what career coach Barbara Sher calls a Scanner? [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o29KOV0jYRM]
In The Career Clinic: Eight Simple Rules for Finding Work You Love [https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B001UE88OK/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i0], the writer Dave Barry [https://www.instagram.com/davebarrysdog/] says he periodically announces he can’t do it anymore because he sucks at it.
Scared? Don’t know what to do? Here’s the antidote [https://twitter.com/davidbauer/status/678229818408849409]!
Writer’s block? Pshaw. Seth Godin says no one gets talker’s block [https://seths.blog/2011/09/talkers-block/].
“You may have a gift that other people have,” says Dick Bolles, author of What Color Is Your Parachute? [https://www.parachutebook.com/], “but you also have other gifts. And it’s the way you string those gifts together, much like beads on a necklace, that makes you you.”
It was love at first sight. I mean play. And with just that one set of keystrokes I was suddenly…texting Katie? Yep. Exchanging Wordle scores hooked me on something more important, regular but casual exchanges with Kate via text. How you do anything is how you do everything, as they say, and in this edition of Doing What Works we’ll inspire you to do something (anything!) new -- just to see where it takes you.
Here are your show notes…
Here’s…Wordle [https://www.nytimes.com/games/wordle/index.html]!
This is Wordle [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/wordle-craze-2022/], explained by the folks at CBS News.
If you’re a creative who wants inspiration for staying in the game, I cannot recommend the work of Steven Pressfield [https://stevenpressfield.com/blog/] highly enough.
Do you have a growth mindset [https://www.amazon.com/Mindset-Psychology-Carol-S-Dweck/dp/0345472322]?
Are you interested in variations on Wordle? Here are a few! Heardle [https://www.heardle.app/], Worldle [https://worldle.teuteuf.fr/], and Taylordle [https://www.taylordle.com/].
The first rule of “I’ll Fix Things Myself” Club is to be sure you can finish something before you get started. So says our producer, Darrell Anderson, who takes the reins of this edition of Doing What Works with a very proud Katie. Kate can change a bike flat on her own now, after years of biking around New York City and relying on others to do that. If you want to change your opinion of yourself, a simple do-it-yourself project is a great place to begin. Really!
Here are your show notes…
We’ve spent so much time at The Container Store [https://www.containerstore.com/welcome.htm] over the years that Katie jokes she grew up there.
Would you like a simple explanation of the self-efficacy theory [https://www.simplypsychology.org/self-efficacy.html]?
Do you have a growth mindset? [https://www.amazon.com/Mindset-Psychology-Carol-S-Dweck/dp/0345472322]
It’s scary to overhaul your life, and anyone who tells you otherwise is lying. Maybe you believe that; maybe you don’t. But you can make a big change much less scary by breaking it down and biting off smaller chunks. In this edition of Doing What Works we’ll show you that one small step for man, taken over and over, means one giant leap for manifesting the life you want.
Here are your show notes…
The Career Clinic: Eight Simple Rules for Finding Work You Love [https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B001UE88OK/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i0] is filled with inspiring stories of career changers.
Just how many little-kid drawings, as a mom, are you expected to save for posterity? That’s one of so many reasons you might enjoy Atlas of the Heart [https://www.amazon.com/Atlas-Heart-Meaningful-Connection-Experience/dp/0399592555?asin=0399592555&revisionId=&format=4&depth=1].
When in doubt, suggests Gretchen Rubin [https://twitter.com/gretchenrubin], choose the bigger life.
Being busy doesn’t necessarily mean you’re accomplishing anything that matters. In this edition of Doing What Works, Katie and I invite you to put yourself on the list of people to please. If you’re doing things you care about, you probably won’t need a boss (read: babysitter). And for other things, like housework and taxes, we offer you a buffet of strategies that will help keep you on track.
Here are your show notes…
Inside the mind of a master procrastinator! [https://www.ted.com/talks/tim_urban_inside_the_mind_of_a_master_procrastinator]
“We don’t have to wear suits anymore. Everyone who started that is dead.” [https://twitter.com/LukeMones/status/751576922631593985]
How do you respond to expectations? Take Gretchen Rubin’s quiz [https://quiz.gretchenrubin.com/four-tendencies-quiz/] and find out.
“To achieve great things, two things are needed: a plan, and not quite enough time.” [https://twitter.com/chrisguillebeau/status/689961989523804161].
You don’t have eight hours a day for creative work. You have two. Plan accordingly. [https://twitter.com/naval]
Have you ever thought about making a list of all the things you’re good at? As we point out in this edition of Doing What Works, you might be amazed by that. You might be inspired to combine those activities in a new way and go after a different job. At the very least you’ll come away from the exercise with more respect for yourself.
Here are your show notes…
“Don’t worry. We can walk to the curb from here.” That’s from Annie Hall [https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0075686/quotes/?ref_=tt_trv_qu].
What are you good at, and where would you most like to use your gifts? What Color Is Your Parachute? [https://www.parachutebook.com/] will help you answer those questions.
“Enthusiasm is a form of social courage.” That’s from Gretchen Rubin [https://gretchenrubin.com/2014/04/secret-of-adulthood-enthusiasm-is-a-form-of-social-courage/].
“Don’t correct people if you know what they mean.” [https://twitter.com/kimlockhartga/status/767439453035999233]
Mindset author Carol Dweck says you can’t hand children self-esteem by telling them they’re great [https://www.huffpost.com/entry/the-right-way-to-praise-a-child_b_8351710].
Reaching for your phone partway through people’s stories won’t kill them, granted. But they die a little inside. Does that count? At Doing What Works we think it does. And that’s why we’ve devoted this edition of the show to the fine art of giving others what we all crave, attention.
Here are your show notes…
“What is it like to be on the receiving end of desperate calls for help . . . every day?” You’ll find one woman’s answer in Answering 911 [https://www.amazon.com/Answering-911-Life-Hot-Seat/dp/0873516028].
“The day you realize that your efforts and rewards are not related, it really frees up your calendar.” That’s from Scott Adams [https://twitter.com/ScottAdamsSays].
“Twitter’s original name was ‘Sentence Contest.’” [https://twitter.com/ariscott/status/312674580022046720]
When your long and heartfelt message is returned with a fraction of the words and intensity, it’s easy to feel slighted. To keep others from feeling that way, mirror them. You can do it with the same relative number of words and emojis, and with body language if you’re in person. We’ll give you lots to think about in this edition of Doing What Works.
Here are your show notes…
Dr. Nick Morgan [https://publicwords.com/] is a public speaking coach who’s a fan of mirroring the body language of a person you’re in conversation with.
“Action precedes feeling.” That’s from acting coach Jane Brody [https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0111036/].
Executive Presence [https://www.amazon.com/Executive-Presence-Missing-Between-Success/dp/0062246895] is a guidebook for navigating the workplace as it is, not as you wish it was.
Richard Branson [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Branson] once mirrored his interviewer so thoroughly it was almost as if the two were playing limbo.
Dave Barry [http://davebarry.com/] is a humor writer who won a Pulitzer Prize.
Michael Feuer [http://tipsfromthetop.info/about/], co-founder of OfficeMax, says if the person you’re speaking with is crying, you need to adjust.
My favorite way to store memories is the way I haven’t come up with yet. When Katie was little her Easter crosswords doubled as “year in review” celebrations. More recently I’ve thanked her for a fun visit with substitute liner notes from a Taylor Swift album. Still more recently I put the recap of our Christmas on an IMDb page. And Katie? She could write (illustrate!) a book with how she stores memories as comics. You’ll find more ideas in this edition of Doing What Works.
Here are your show notes…
“A punctum is the little, unexpected extra in a photo. … It is simultaneously never the subject and entirely the subject.” [https://www.dianewehr.com/blog/2020/7/23/what-is-a-punctum-in-street-photography]
An autobiography is chronological. A memoir is a slice of life. [https://www.skillshare.com/blog/memoir-vs-autobiography-whats-the-difference/]
“Honestly, it’s not for everyone.” A tourism slogan for the state of Nebraska [https://twitter.com/gretchenrubin/status/1099132488562167809].
“A lot of acting fascinated.” That’s Jerry Seinfeld, on his many years of dating [https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-lies-and-conflict/201704/why-your-lover-is-lying-you].
Want to see the photo display Darrell and I created for Katie’s high school graduation? [https://www.huffpost.com/entry/dazzle-your-party-guests_b_4112257]
The most difficult thing about wrangling those nasty voices inside your head is remembering they’re at it again. The tapes we run play on a loop, after all, and we get used to them. That’s why we hope you’ll look at this edition of Doing What Works as a reset. Give yourself permission to look at where you are in life, not be happy with it, and grieve what might have been. Then, as gently as you would a child, cheer the new you into being.
Here are your show notes…
“That’s why you play until the end.” That was Tom Brady [https://www.instagram.com/tombrady/] after the Patriots came from behind to win the Super Bowl in 2017.
Can you look with compassion at the person you used to be? Katie and I hope we can inspire that in this edition of Doing What Works. If you make it a habit, it’ll help you become the person you aspire to be. A journal can help, and that’s one reason we’re both fans. A journal is a record of your character transformation!
Here are your show notes…
“If you compare yourself to others you will become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.” That’s from the Desiderata [https://www.desiderata.com/desiderata.html].
The Big Leap [https://www.amazon.com/Big-Leap-Conquer-Hidden-Level/dp/0061735361], by Gay Hendricks, might change how you think about what you deserve.
“Don’t forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he wanted. He lived happily ever after.” That’s from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory [https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/106816-mr-wonka-don-t-forget-what-happened-to-the-man-who].
Funeral director Elizabeth Fournier [https://www.thegreenreaper.org/] played funeral when she was little.
Katie used to take for granted her skin isn’t orange. Not anymore! Darrell and Maureen used to take level surfaces for granted, and now they don’t. Oh, but this edition of Doing What Works isn’t an admonition to count your blessings; it’s a suggestion to take some things for granted and bask in the everything-will-probably-be-okayness of life.
Here are your show notes…
The conductor Benjamin Zander [https://www.ted.com/speakers/benjamin_zander] says his job is to awaken possibility in other people. If their eyes are shining, he’s doing it.
Who do you aspire to be, and is that what you’re giving off? In this edition of the show we talk about your brand -- not because we love the word (we hate it!), but because paying attention to it is part of doing what works. People like knowing what to expect from you. Even better, you’ll love the feeling of being true to yourself.
Here are your show notes…
When Katie and I want a tattoo, we trust Ariel [https://blindreasontattoo.com/].
The most important metric to track is personal energy [https://www.huffpost.com/entry/did-you-know-goals-are-fo_b_7719012].
When someone you love wants your advice, do you freeze? We don’t blame you. A lot can go wrong. And in this edition of Doing What Works we offer advice for having a productive exchange. One thing that almost never backfires is the right question. You’ll know what to ask if you listen closely enough. Keep listening, keep asking better questions, and get ready to be thanked for your help!
Here are your show notes…
Rushmore Cave [https://www.rushmtn.com/rushmore-cave-2/]? Worth it. The same with Moneyball [https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1210166/]. And How to Behave So Your Children Will, Too! [https://www.amazon.com/How-Behave-Your-Children-Will/dp/0141001933]
“Every time you tell a story it becomes less true.” That’s from Storyworthy [https://www.amazon.com/Storyworthy-Engage-Persuade-through-Storytelling-ebook/dp/B07CV2PFYJ] author Matthew Dicks.
Tiny Beautiful Things [https://www.amazon.com/Tiny-Beautiful-Things-Advice-Sugar/dp/0307949338] is a collection of Cheryl Strayed’s “Dear Sugar” advice columns.
“You have to date your wife.” I got that from Roy Kent on Ted Lasso [https://www.imdb.com/title/tt10986410/].
“What you love is what you’re gifted at.” That’s from Barbara Sher [http://www.barbarasher.com/index.htm].
Depending on the size of your community, it can be challenging to keep up with current events. Rob Blatt knows. He’s the founder of The Briefly, which Katie and I devour with more enthusiasm than breakfast. “Without local news you’re essentially lost one mile from your home,” Rob says. And in this edition of Doing What Works, you’ll find out what you really lose when a business closes, for example -- and what a community gains by even failed attempts to keep it open. Rob notices and appreciates where he lives, and in The Briefly he’s built a community of people who do the same.
Here are your show notes…
You don’t have to live in New York to find The Briefly [https://www.thebriefly.com/] fascinating!
The Briefly is a passion project for Rob Blatt [https://www.robblatt.com/].
The Grand Prospect Hall’s commercial is a classic. Want to take a look [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mYDsZY3Ns-g]? Here’s a summary of the fight to save it [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LTHlTO0bEg].
It was in The Briefly that Katie discovered the Subway Social Club [https://www.instagram.com/subwaysocialclub/] -- “normalizing conversation on public transit” -- and now she and Subway Social’s Claire Feuer are friends. Hi, Claire!
Want the local news where you live [https://patch.com/]? Want to be a more informed voter [https://ballotpedia.org/Main_Page]? Want a story about a baby goat that made its way to the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway? Stick with the show all the way to the end for that one!
You don’t know what’s going to make you happy until you try it. The job or the relationship that looks good on paper may not feel so great at, say, ten o’clock on a Tuesday. That’s one reason to say yes to more things, so you can get a better feel for more things. Saying yes is a habit and a mindset. If you practice saying yes to smaller things with low stakes, you might find yourself more willing to take bigger risks. That’s what we hope to inspire in this edition of Doing What Works.
Here are your show notes…
Irresistible author Adam Alter [http://adamalterauthor.com/] was one of Katie’s professors at NYU Stern and “say yes” was his advice.
“I wish I might go back and do the little things you asked me to” is from a poem by Alice E. Chase [https://www.scrapbook.com/poems/doc/860.html] entitled “To My Grown-Up Son.”
Saying “yes” (and “yes, and”) is a rule of improv [https://medium.com/the-improv-blog/the-first-rule-of-improv-is-yes-and-30e5954240d6].
“If you can’t imagine any other explanation for a set of facts, it might be because you are bad at imagining things.” That’s from Dilbert creator Scott Adams [https://twitter.com/ScottAdamsSays].
“Marriage is a big bet. It’s the only bet of its kind, one in which you say, ‘This feels right; I think I’ll change everything.’” That’s from Jerry Seinfeld [https://www.today.com/popculture/seinfeld-turns-25-read-jerrys-best-real-life-lines-1D79884423].