Media Savvy Moms: Recent Episodes
Media Savvy Moms
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents to talk to their kids and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality.
Join in along with guest experts for open conversations covering topics of prevention, communication, sexual exploitation, addiction, healing, and more!
We are here to encourage and guide parents through the challenges of raising kids in a media-saturated world.
For complete show notes, visit parentsaware.info
Tell me if this sounds familiar? You love your kids, you love technology, but when they're together, you’re terrified of both. Ok, terrified might be too strong a word. But, when you stop and think about it, there’s just so much that can go wrong with kids and tech. Yet we live in a digital age. We're all on screens—for homework, entertainment, and everything in between. To survive emotionally, while raising kids in this media-saturated world, we gotta figure out how to untangle the tech, and fast!
In this episode, I speak with Andrea Davis. Andrea is the mom of five children, aged 17 and younger. She’s also the founder of Better Screen Time, an incredible organization helping parents worry less about tech, and connect more with their kids. Today we’re focusing on teens.
For complete show notes, visit www.ParentsAware.info
With the ease of access to today’s online pornography, it makes sense to have open, honest conversations with children from an early age. That’s the ideal. But it’s not often how it goes, right? In fact, you may have a teen already—and you’re just starting to think about how to broach this sensitive topic. You’re not alone. My guess is you want to know how to break the ice in a way that doesn’t feel awkward. You want to know the art and science of talking to teens about pornography! In this episode, I speak with Gabe Deem, international speaker and creator of Reboot Nation—a free online recovery community that’s helped thousands of individuals overcome problems related to compulsive porn use. Gabe takes a non-shaming, fact-based approach to this important conversation.
For complete show notes, visit www.ParentsAware.info
Imagine your child’s little league team facing off against top NFL players. Ridiculous, right? A mismatch in every sense of the word. We would never allow it. It’s dangerous. It’s reckless. Our children would get hammered. They might never recover. Yet every day, children and teens enter an arena with just as many odds stacked against them. Unrestricted internet for kids is like asking Little League to compete against the Pros.
I’ve got a sports analogy for you today. I’m using my son’s experience of playing organized football for the first time to highlight the disadvantage children and young teens have as they try to navigate an internet that was not designed for their safety. But here’s the thing. With the right coaching and practice routine, this is a game we can win!
For complete show notes, visit www.ParentsAware.info
Ever tried to distract a restless child in a grocery store, doctors' office, or while traveling? Portable screens can feel like a magical pacifying gift, right? But what if they become the norm? Are there long-term implications? Does excessive screen time affect child development? Or are we just letting the guilt and fear get the better of us? It seems that tech is here to stay. So let’s discuss a savvy way to build safer screen habits with our little ones.
In this episode, I speak with Penny Marenge, the creator of Screens n Kids, an online platform with a mission to preserve the Early Years. Penny comes to the conversation with a wealth of knowledge she’s gathered as a mental health nurse practitioner and mother of two pre-school-age children.
For complete show notes, visit www.ParentsAware.info
Ever have trouble motivating your young teen to follow the family rules around tech and screens? Kids this age still need lots of love, guidance, and direction. Yet, they’re naturally prone to push boundaries and gravitate toward peer influence. That can feel scary for us moms and dads. But following their peers is not ALWAYS a bad thing. Especially if we can get our youth to mentor each other in a positive way. Imagine! Middle-schoolers empowering middle schoolers to make safer media decisions.
For complete show notes, visit www.ParentsAware.info
You try everything in your power to protect your kids from online pornography. Yet, you know it’s probably not enough. You’re swimming against a raging current. The content coming at kids is relentless. Exposure seems inevitable. At some point, we have to say enough! Governments across the globe must act. We need real legislation that can protect minors from the constant threat of exposure to pornography
In this episode, I speak with Canadian Senator Julie Miville-Dechêne who has proposed new legislation with bill S-210 An Act to restrict young persons’ online access to sexually explicit material. If passed, pornographic websites would be required to implement meaningful age verification processes or face significant fines.
For complete show notes, visit www.ParentsAware.info
Let's talk, trust and honesty. Thinking about all the things that could go wrong for kids is going to stir up some big worries. Yet, kids are online every day. Whether they’re on a smartphone, tablet, gaming console, or school-issued laptop, we want to trust that they will be safe. That our child or teen will make smart decisions online. The best way to arrive at that trust is to model honesty in our own communication.
For complete show notes, visit www.ParentsAware.info
What makes you most angry, upset, or frustrated about parenting in the digital age. Think about it and make a mental checklist. Next, shift your focus to what in this world is most worth protecting? Finally, imagine if the internet would protect children not porn? What if you could help?In this episode, I talk with Helen Taylor the Vice President of Impact for Exodus Cry an organization committed to abolishing sex trafficking and commercial sexual exploitation. Helen helps us understand the intersection between pornography and sex trafficking. As well, she shares a simple action we can take to make the internet a safer place, not just our children, but all children, everywhere.
For complete show notes, visit ParentsAware.info
We often try to wait for the perfect moment or the right age to talk to our kids about pornography and other tricky topics. Then, in a blink, our kids have grown up. The perfect moment never arrived. What do we do then? Are we too late? Is it worth starting the conversation with an older teen?
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to their children and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, click here.
Ever made what you thought was a great resolution only to be defeated before you start? Yup, you and me both. So what do we do to build safer screen habits? How do we resolve to improve knowing full well we’re going to face challenges, obstacles, and maybe even failures right at the outset? It comes down to establishing direction.
Keep in mind that this is a journey. And every good journey requires a navigation tool. Something to move you in the right direction—like a compass or a map. Building safer screen habits isn't about passing or failing, winning or losing. It’s about able to recenter when you get off track. It’s about moving ever forward in the direction that you want to go.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to their children and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
I’ve said it a gajillion times. I’ll say it again. Our kids are waiting for us to start this conversation! But what if we get mixed signals in return? Like slammed doors. Or a son who suddenly grunts most of his words. What then? Is there a different approach for boys than girls? And how does a boy’s journey through puberty impact their response to pornography?
In this episode, I am talking to Cara Natterson, MD, a pediatrician, consultant, and New York Times, bestselling author. She’s written numerous books on parenting and puberty. Her latest work, Decoding Boys: New Science Behind the Subtle Art of Raising Sons, is the inspiration for today’s discussion.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to their children and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
I’ve heard it both ways. Either “I could never tell my parents” or “telling my parents was the best thing I ever did.” Sometimes from the same kid! The truth is, it’s often when our kids need us the most that they retreat and distance themselves from help.
Think about it. If it’s hard for us to talk to our kids about pornography, imagine how they must feel if they’ve been struggling with it. In this episode, I invite parents to listen while I speak directly to tweens and teens. I give them advice on how to understand their parents’ reactions. But more importantly, why their parents can be trusted to help with any challenge they face.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to their children and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
Porn is a health issue that impacts EVERYONE—women and men, girls, and boys. Still, the statistics are clear that boys consume porn more frequently and earlier than girls. So while we work hard to dispel the myth that “only boys struggle” we certainly don’t want to minimize or dismiss their specific challenges. What do they need? How can we reach them? And how can we help boys build identity and self-worth free from pornography?
In this episode, I talk with Sathiya Sam, the creator of DeepCleanTM, an addiction recovery program for men. Sathiya knows firsthand how early exposure can negatively impact a boy’s sexual development. He was just 11 years old when a friend showed him pornography in the computer lab at their school. We talk about his initial reaction. And how, in the absence of another. framework, porn continued to shape his ideas about sex throughout adolescence.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to their children and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
TMI, too much information. It’s a real thing. And it can present real challenges when talking to kids about pornography. How do we balance the desire to protect children while preparing them with the information they need?
This episode is part of our #DearSavvy series. Sometimes you just want a quick answer to a burning question. These shorter episodes are designed to give you just that. Tune in to the podcast to hear the whole scoop, and check out the show notes for helpful tools and information. If you’d like to submit a question, click here to Contact Us.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to their children and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
It's tricky enough managing media and screens with one child, right? What do you do when you have a whole crew of kids? A lot of well-meaning parenting advice tends to gloss over the reality that most families are navigating multiple ages and stages of development simultaneously. How do you shelter the youngest while giving your older children the autonomy they need?
This week I am excited to chat with Candance Larson, mother of eight children and host of the Thriving with 8 Podcast. Candace is an advocate for recognizing motherhood as the best profession in the world and is also very passionate about educating on media safety and technology.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to their children and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
Time and again, the same questions come up. When should I talk to my kids? How do I get started? Won’t I make them more curious? Almost every parent feels this, I think. This is why I am excited to announce that Get Off the Fence is finally available! This course is a guided method to help parents move from feeling anxious to confidently talking to their child or teen about pornography. Ready to get started?
In this episode, I’ll explain exactly what I mean when I say get off the fence, what the fence is, how to take that first step, and what to do when you feel stuck.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to their children and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
Think about your city. Then think about the children that live there. What are their needs? What are their wants? What is their cry? Once we start asking the right questions, that’s when we start to get answers—solutions. For one woman the solution was to collaborate with her mayor and launch the City Free From Porn campaign.
This week, I am thrilled to have Letitia Shelton return to the podcast. You may remember, I spoke with her in season two about instilling value, beauty, and purpose in girls (Ep. #2-9). Back then we briefly talked about the City Free From Porn campaign. This year she’s taken it to a new level and it deserves our full attention.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to their children and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
When it comes to talking to kids about pornography, what’s better, boldness or bravery? The answer is YES! With a topic that takes most of us far outside our comfort zone, we need to gather all the strength we can muster.
A phrase I often repeat is: be bold, be brave, be honest. I believe these are the secret sauce ingredients to building, not just our own confidence around tricky topics like pornography, but also in opening the doors and getting our kids to engage in the conversation. All three are necessary. Today, we’ll focus on the first two.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to their children and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
Did you grow up going to sleepovers? Do you have fond memories? Best friends, hanging out all night? Are you eager to carry on the tradition? Or would you rather it disappear altogether? What about the risks? Are they greater in the digital age? Or is there any way to ensure a safer sleepover experience?
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to their children and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
The sex talk has gotten a bad rap for decades. Awkward. Uncomfortable. Embarrassing. Does it have to be that way? Not at all. Many of our preconceptions about sex talks with children and teens are actually false. If we want to help our kids understand the harms of pornography, the truth is, we have to start with healthy and positive conversations about sex. Let’s find out how.
In this episode, I am joined by Natasja Visser, the creator of Let’SEXplain, a program designed to help parents and teens talk openly about sex. Natasja’s approach is down-to-earth and inviting. With all her amazing practical tips I dare you to listen and not want to talk to your kids. Actually, that’s silly. Just go talk to your kids! Natasja makes it easy!
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to their children and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
Raising kids in the digital age means there is no escaping the question about screens. Actually, it’s a long list of questions. How much screen time is ok? Does it depend on the activity? When should my child get their own tablet, device, or smartphone? What’s healthy? What’s not? And what is meant by clean vs toxic tech habits?
In this episode I talk with Melanie Hempe, founder and executive director of ScreenStrong, an organization that offers a unique approach to eliminate childhood screen dependency. Together, we take a closer look at society’s acceptance of toxic screen use and discuss how to help parents and children reject the pressure to engage early with gaming, social media, and smartphones.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to their children and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
There’s a lot of pressure on parents to get their kids a smartphone and the latest social apps. What if you’re not ready to give in but your child’s insisting they need a phone to feel included. Is this a valid reason? If not, how do you say no?
This episode is part of our #DearSavvy series. Sometimes you just want a quick answer to a burning question. These shorter episodes are designed to give you just that.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to their children and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
There’s a trend that has coaches worried. Participation in youth sports is down across the board. And the steady decline seems to correlate with the rise of smartphones and other technologies. For many coaches, the concern goes beyond the field, pitch, or pool and are urging parents to pay careful attention to their kids’ confidence, self-esteem, and body image. Sport is not just sport. It has immense physical and mental benefits too.
In this episode, I am joined by Larissa Mills, founder of iparentgen.com, a parenting website and resource to help families balance the use of phones. Our conversation today centers around the often-overlooked value of sport for instilling confidence, improving self-esteem, and developing a healthy body image.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to their children and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
Back to school is the perfect time to review safety strategies with kids. One that’s simple and effective is asking your child or teen to come up with a list of trusted adults to add to their Safe Network.
Having a Safe Network is a concept we highlight in our 5 Body Safety Tips for Kids guide. That’s something you’ll want to print out and stick on your fridge. But in this episode, I walk through the details of helping kids choose who to put in their Safe Network and why it’s important to go to a variety of different sources to build your team.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to their children and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
Ever heard of Only Fans? It’s an online platform where content creators get paid directly by their followers, a.k.a. fans, for the photos and videos they share. But the site is rife with porn and exploitation. And worse, it’s targeting young women in droves with promises of turning likes and follows into instafame and fortune.
In this episode, I speak with Meghan Donevan, research director at Talita, a Swedish organization offering exit programs to trafficked and prostituted women. Together, we discuss the inherent problems with platforms such as OnlyFans and their impact on both individuals and society. Plus, strategies parents can use to talk to their kids about sexual exploitation and how to safeguard them against traps like OnlyFans.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to their children and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
In this episode, I share not one but six ways to transition casual conversations to the topic of pornography. These tips are designed to help you talk openly with extended family, neighbors, and close friends. We know that pornography grows in the shadows. It thrives in secrecy. When we stay silent, it wreaks havoc on people's lives. This is about shining a light on that threat.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to their children and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
Filters installed. Devices monitored. Online safety taught. All of this, and children can still make poor choices—like sending nudes. So, how do we respond when we learn of this behavior?
This episode is part of our #DearSavvy series. Sometimes you just want a quick answer to a burning question. These shorter episodes are designed to give you just that. Tune in to the podcast to hear the whole scoop, and check out the show notes for helpful tools and information.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to their children and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
Dear Savvy: Help! My child is sending nudes. What should I do? I’m shocked. My daughter is only eleven-years-old. I did everything by the books. I even kept her phone at night, and this still happened.
We know the term cyberbullying. So do our kids. But what about cyberstalking and sextortion? Not so much. Yet, these are serious online threats putting more kids at risk than most of us realize. What do we need to know to empower kids to be internet safe?
In this episode, I speak with Matt Richardson, an awesome dad of two and founder of the Digital Empowerment Project Canada. Matt is OSINT and SOCINT credentialed. Which means he spends his work hours investigating internet intelligence and decoding information in an effort to reduce harms and end online exploitation.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to their children and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
Dandelions. Clover. Weeds! Most agree that these invaders are to be eradicated from our lawns and gardens ASAP. If not they will spread and take over. Similarly, we want to root out pornography before it takes hold.
Today, Lisa Whitsitt and I are having a conversation about weeds and pornography. Lisa is our Director of Educational Outreach and is very involved in developing community connections for Parents Aware. She is also proactive in reaching out to government leaders to advocate for legislative change to protect children from online harms.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to their children and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
Do you know a teen who is struggling to quit porn? The reality is that many kids get caught in a porn trap. They want to quit. They try to quit. Yet, they find themselves returning again and again. Imagine, what if there was a tool that could help fortify teens against pornography?
In this episode, I am joined by Clay Olsen, Co-founder of Fight The New Drug (FTND), a youth movement dedicated to raising awareness on the harmful effects of pornography. Clay is also the Founder of Fortify, a recovery tool designed to support anyone—youth and adults—seeking a future free from pornography.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to their children and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
We keep scratching our heads trying to figure out why young kids are sexting. But the fact is the formula is pretty basic: (curious kids + digital devices) x (sexualized media) = sexting normalized. So, the question is not if I need to have this conversation but how do I talk to my child about sexting without being awkward.
This episode is part of our #DearSavvy series. Sometimes you just want a quick answer to a burning question. These shorter episodes are designed to give you just that. Tune in to the podcast to hear the whole scoop, and check out the show notes for helpful tools and information. If you’d like to submit a question, click here to Contact Us.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to their children and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
Porn harms families. No question there. So what do you do when a parent struggles with sexual addiction? Instinct may be to keep it hidden. Your spouse knows—but not the children. You reason the truth would be too painful. Better that they never find out. And yet, experience and research show that children actually suffer more from the weight of hidden truths than they do from careful and honest disclosure.
Tara McCausland, Director of Outreach for SA Lifeline joins me this week to discuss this very sensitive topic. SA Lifeline is a non-profit foundation that provides education, resources, and a 12-Step group for those suffering from pornography and sexual addiction. As well as for family members who’ve experienced betrayal trauma in the wake of addiction.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to their children and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
Involved parents worry about their child or teen’s safety online. And rightly so. The nature of the internet means harmful content could come across their screen at any time. Dangerous situations seem to be lurking around every corner. So, many parents wonder, how often should I monitor my child’s smartphone? Should I check it daily? And is that really the best way to keep them from harm?
In this episode, I confess that I don't check my child's phone the way many parents do. Saying that publicly on this podcast does make me feel a little vulnerable. I recognize I’m going against the grain. But, I hope, as I explain the principles behind my strategy and how online safety is always a top priority in our home, I feel confident in saying there are better (and less cumbersome) ways to keep kids safe than simply checking their smartphone.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to their children and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
Every mom is amazing! There’s no question there. Yet, we are often our own worst critic. When things don’t go according to plan, the negative self-talk comes flooding in. So, how can we start to believe in ourselves again? And how can building mom confidence change the dynamic we have with our kids and their tech?
In this episode, I ask Leah Davidson, co-founder of H&L Life Coaching, what to do when we feel like we’re not thriving. We take a fresh look at what confidence means. And how that applies to raising kids in a media-saturated, pandemic stricken, year of virtual school, kind of world!
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to their children and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
It’s normal. It’s natural. Everyone goes through it! And every kid has LOTS of questions. Yet, for many families talking about puberty still feels awkward and embarrassing to mention—leaving kids to sort through confusing information on their own. Often, that’s whatever media and friends throw their way. That doesn’t seem fair or terribly healthy, does it? So, how can we move past any discomfort and learn to embrace the new puberty talks for a media-saturated world?
This week, I got to connect with Rowena Thomas, who is the facilitator of Amazing Me in Sydney, Australia. Rowena provides programs to schools and resources for parents and kids about sex and puberty. I met Rowena through Instagram, where I immediately fell in love with her bright, cheerful, and exuberant posts. Her message is that conversations with our kids about sex can be more fun and less complicated!
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to their children and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
Are you a mom to boys? Do you worry about helping them mature into sexually responsible teens and adults? How often do you defer to dad for “The Talk?” Have you ever questioned, can moms talk to boys about pornography? If so, you’re not alone.
This episode is part of our #DearSavvy series. Sometimes you just want a quick answer to a burning question. These shorter episodes are designed to give you just that. Tune in to the podcast to hear the whole scoop, and check out the show notes for helpful tools and information. If you’d like to submit a question, click here to Contact Us.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to their children and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
Yes, it feels easier to say, I don’t want to go there, I don't want to talk about it. But we know sweeping tough issues under the carpet doesn’t make them disappear. In fact, it only increases the trauma. Children are hurting. Families are being torn apart. So, we’re going to be bold. We’re going to face this issue straight on. And we’re going to talk about pornography’s role in the rise of child-on-child sexual assault.
I’m so grateful to Heidi Olson, MSN, RN, CPN, SANE-P, for joining me on the show this week. She is an absolute superhero. There’s nothing easy about her job. Every single day she is dealing with children’s disclosure of sexual assault.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to their children and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
You caught your child watching pornography. You talked about it and have a handle on the situation. But now you are wondering: Should I bring up the subject again? And, if so, how often should I talk to my child about pornography? Will my relationship with my child stay healthy if I go back to the topic too often?
This episode is part of our #DearSavvy series. Sometimes you just want a quick answer to a burning question. These shorter episodes are designed to give you just that. Tune in to the podcast to hear the whole scoop, and check out the show notes for helpful tools and information. If you’d like to submit a question, click here to Contact Us.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to their children and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
When I say the words human trafficking what’s the first thing that comes to mind? Kidnapped? Overseas? Impoverished? Or maybe you think of street kids and runaways? Rarely, do we imagine this could be impacting our kids. But it does. Victim or not. Trafficked or not. This is part of the culture they are growing up in. But what if we could harness the creative energy of these youth to end exploitation?
In this episode, I am joined by Cheryl Perera, founder of OneChild. This organization has already benefited over 79,000 individuals in 11 different countries. But more than that, it is the first in the world to empower a youth-led movement against the exploitation of children. At the core of OneChild’s work is article 12 on the Convention of the Rights of the Child which states that every child has a right to have a say in matters that affect them.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to their children and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
Raising kids in a media-saturated world can feel a lot like shovelling in a snowstorm. So much tech, so fast. It feels impossible to keep pace. Try as we might, we can’t control everything that comes at our kids. Sometimes we can’t even ensure they’ll have a clear path to navigate. But we can teach them to think differently—to tap into their core values. Ultimately, to chart their own course towards safer screen habits.
This week I talk with Lisa and Jason Frost, founders of Wired Human and authors of The Glass Between Us: Empowering Youth to Combat Digital Exploitation—A Value-Based Approach to Screen-Driven Tech. These two are amazing, passionate, and full of great ideas. They are parents of two young children who have worked extensively with youth for more than a decade. They’ve seen first-hand what teens today are up against.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to kids and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
When you need to communicate the next play in football, you huddle. When you need to regroup, you call a timeout. It’s not all that different for a family when you think about it. Each day, there are plays to be made, problems to solve, and new ground to cover. Why not huddle? Try a Family POWER Meeting to layout your next winning game plan.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to their children and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
Do you ever find yourself caught in a parenting slump? You know, when it feels like the weight of the world rests on your shoulders; but your last ounce of creativity just flew out the window. How do you get unstuck? Try harnessing the energy of the Family POWER Meeting.
If you’re a longtime listener of the podcast then you’ve heard me use the term Family POWER Meeting before. I think it's one of the most effective tools a family can use to foster better, more open communication. (And you know I’m all about open, honest communication!) But a Family POWER Meeting is more than that. It’s an energy booster, a problem solver, a solution generator, and effective crisis control.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to their children and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
Addicted. Not addicted. How would you describe someone that can’t stop looking at porn? What if that someone is just a kid? Does that change your perspective? If addiction is not the right word, what do we call it? How should a parent respond when their teen feels trapped? Does it help to know how a teen’s brain responds to porn?
These are the questions I was eager to ask Mary Sharpe. She, with her husband Dr. Darryl Mead, founded the Reward Foundation in 2014. They aim to make the science of sex, love, and relationships accessible to everyone. What drew me to them is their concern about pornography’s impact on adolescent growth and development.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to kids and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
Who has time for self-care when their child is struggling? As moms, we tend to put everyone else first, neglecting our own well-being. We take on guilt and lose our individuality. We assume we’ll have time to take care of ourselves after the crisis has passed. But while we’re frantically patching up the problems on the outside, our insides are deteriorating.
In this episode, Barb Winters of hopefulmom.net joins Marilyn to talk about the importance of self-care, especially when our child is in a crisis. A few months after Barb learned of her son’s struggle with porn, she realized she was grieving the loss of the son she thought she knew, and she heeded the advice she had given so many other women. Take time to mourn the loss and heal. We are more effective when we parent our children from a place of wholeness.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to kids and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
More than a half-century beyond the civil rights movement and America is still fighting to end racism. How does this connect to the conversation of pornography? Think about it. Porn thrives on exploitation. Racism included. But it’s something most people don’t consider. Why is that? What are the consequences of leaving racism in pornography unchecked?
Dr. Carolyn West is a Professor of Psychology at the University of Washington, Tacoma. In that capacity, she’s been investigating domestic violence and sexual assault for more than two decades. Recently, she began to look more closely at racism in pornography. What she found was deeply disturbing. In an effort to raise public awareness and help college students recognize blatant racism in the media they consume, she created the documentary film, “Let Me Tell Ya’ll ‘Bout Black Chicks: Images of Black Women in Pornography.”
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to their children and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
Does the idea of talking to your child or teen about pornography make you nervous? Why do you think that is? Perhaps, simply, it’s a conversation muscle that hasn’t been used. I’ve been thinking about strength lately. And all the courageous things we do as parents that take us out of our comfort zone. What do you do when you don’t feel strong? How can you find the necessary courage and strength to talk to your kids about pornography?
One of my friends posted about an impressive (read: insane) workout she completed on New Year’s Day to mark the beginning of 2021. It was a combination of things like lunges, mountain climbers, burpees, pushups, situps, etc. to make up a mere 2000 reps. Whoa! For most of us, what my friend accomplished sounds way too hard to even attempt—almost impossible.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to kids and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
When has sex-education not been a polarizing topic? One side against the other. Home against the state. But while concerned adults are still duking it out, internet pornography has swooped in and taken over. Not cool! Porn instructs children and teens through the lens of exploitation. So how do we set our differences aside and find a way to safely address pornography in the classroom?
Liz Walker, Managing Director of the Youth Wellbeing Project, says the key to better education is to get over the “us against them” mentality. Rather, we need to look at both sides objectively to determine what’s actually putting our kids at risk. Children and teens can be fortified against the harms of porn. But we need to give them an opportunity to understand what drives the industry (i.e., violence, exploitation, trafficking, and profit) and help them appreciate porn’s impact on individuals, relationships, and society.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to kids and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
Your child’s been caught looking at pornography again and again. How do you respond? Is it panic first? Quickly followed by a determination to “fix” the problem? Maybe you want to spring into action. Finding therapy for your child crosses your mind. Why? Because dealing with pornography is new to your parenting repertoire. But is therapy right for your child?
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to kids and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
Imagine being a kid, all alone, and carrying the weight of a dark secret. For many teens, that’s how they describe using porn. What begins as curiosity quickly becomes a compulsion. Breaking free feels nearly impossible. Now, imagine being that same kid and finding out you have a whole team supporting you: parents and friends that love you enough to tackle the porn talk. And help you find true freedom from pornography!
I had the privilege this week of meeting and talking with Smith Alley. By all accounts Smith is your average seventeen-year-old. He goes to high school. He loves to play football and lacrosse. He loves to connect and hang out with friends. In his spare time he works on his motorcycle and fixes up old cars. Plus, he’s set up his own company to help families tackle the porn talk and stay safe online.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to kids and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
Welcome, 2021! And welcome, third season of the Media Savvy Moms podcast. I’m excited to see where this year will take us. I'm an optimist at heart and I can’t help but think, no matter what life throws at us this year, we got this! I know you’ve probably gone through tough times. And you’ve got big worries. I have them too. But I believe that together we can look forward with excitement, joy, and confidence to the year ahead.
Imagine us sitting down together with a cup of tea. Or better yet, going on a walk—talking through whatever is most pressing on your mind. For me, it just helps to get the words out. Somehow it helps put things in perspective. And there’s nothing like a friend to be your sounding board … definitely makes the worries more manageable.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to children and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality.
Want to connect more with your kids over the holidays? Consider the benefit of storytelling and shared memories. It’s a strange and wonderful gift. One that I discovered almost by accident.
A few years back my parents decided they wanted a different kind of Christmas gift. Instead of a wrapped present, they asked me (and each of my siblings) to write a story—or more precisely a memory. It could be from our childhood or otherwise. The only rule was that it had to be ready to share with the whole family on Christmas Day.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to children and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality.
One by one, young survivors have come forward. They’ve told harrowing stories about videos posted on Pornhub that portray their victimization and even their rape. Discover how you can take action against Pornhub today and help put an end to child exploitation online.
There are lots of ways to spread awareness: tweets, posts, blogs, podcasts, newspapers, demonstrations, etc. But if we want to see real change in our community we have to engage the policy-makers.
That means getting involved (just a wee bit) in the legislative process. So, I’m challenging you to write one simple letter. It might not seem like a big deal. Or maybe it does (because you don’t like writing). But I’m going to show you how EASY it is to write that letter. AND why it is so very important that you TAKE ACTION NOW!
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to kids and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality.
How do you feel about kids and video games? If you’re like many parents, you’re conflicted. You want your children and teens to have fun and enjoy the very best that tech entertainment has to offer. But you're also concerned about hidden risks. Are the chat features in today’s games safe? What about exposure to extreme violence and pornographic content? How likely is it for a child to become addicted to video games?
We’re parents, we get it. We’ve asked all these questions (and more!). That’s why we sat down this week with Nadja Strieter, Programs Director at Game Quitters—an organization devoted to helping gamers (and their loved ones) understand and overcome gaming addiction. Nadja’s approach is practical and down-to-earth. She’s able to cut through controversy, go to the facts, and give us sound advice. If you’ve got kids that love to game, be sure to tune in for the full interview.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to kids and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality.
2020 has brought numerous changes to our households. During the lockdown, our normal typically structured daily routine loosened, and many of us (parents and kids alike) became more involved with gaming. Even though our daily schedule has changed again, many kids are staying up later and even gaming all night. You may be wondering what to do, especially as the Holidays approach.
This episode is part of our #DearSavvy series. Sometimes you just want a quick answer to a burning question. These shorter episodes are designed to give you just that. Tune in to the podcast to hear the whole scoop, and check out the show notes for helpful tools and information. If you’d like to submit a question, click here to Contact Us.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to kids and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
On your list of tricky topics to bring up with your kids, how high is sexting? Top 3? Top 10? Is it even there? If it's not, keep reading, and it’ll soon be number one. The combination of digital cameras, instant messaging, and the adolescent brain puts our kids at huge risk. The bullying begins. An intimate photo is blasted. The police are called in. Kids today need to know they have better options. They need to know that they can stand up to sexting.
Fortunately, there’s a phenomenal resource that takes this particular tricky topic and turns it into a fun—yes fun!—and incredibly comfortable conversation starter. It’s a book (or a guide, if you prefer). And it’s called Stand Up To Sexting: An Open Conversation for Parents & Kids.
We had the privilege of sitting down this week with the authors, Christy Monson and Heather Boynton. Christy’s a grandma to tweens, teens and beyond. Heather’s a mom to teens and younger. Both are professionals in the field of child development. And both have seen first hand the devastating effects that sexting is having on kids in our high schools, colleges, and in even our elementary schools. So, what did they do? They decided to act—TO STAND UP—and to do something about it.
With their combined experience and expertise they created a resource that allows families to: get past the awkward stage, foster better communication, and help change the trajectory of their kids’ experience with their digital devices.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to kids and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality.
How do we choose the perfect gift for kids today? And what does that even mean? Do we simply get them whatever they ask for? We could go with the latest tech device, right? But then that means coming up with digital safety solutions. Maybe it’s better to choose a more thoughtful and creative gift? It’s possible that there are just too many choices!
Well friends, 2020 has caused us enough stress! Budgets may be tight. And is it safe to say that we're all sick of screens? Let’s take a fresh look at how to tackle the Holiday shopping list. Whether interested in going tech-free or tech-friendly, this episode has the advice needed to find the perfect gift for all the kids on anyone’s list.
Tune in as we wax nostalgic to uncover the secret gift-giving formula. Plus, summarize what our favorite tech experts say is the most important thing to do before wrapping up any tech gifts this year.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to kids and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality.
We talk about how connecting with our kids can help protect them against addiction and the harms of pornography. But how exactly do we build those healthy connections? Ever considered the benefits of adventuring with your kids? They go well beyond exercise and a healthy dose of fresh air. Adventuring together builds connections in unimaginable ways. Plus it's fun!
We have a return guest this week, Greta Eskridge—supermom, home educator, social media influencer, and most recently ... published author (details below). And BOY is she fun to follow! Her passion is to be out doing AMAZING stuff with her kids! And that’s exactly why we’re picking her brain. What’s the secret to these amazing adventures? And what can we learn from her experience?
Last time Greta was on the show, we were in the first few weeks of the COVID-19 madness. Suddenly dumped into the schooling-from-home arena, we looked to her for advice. At that point, none of us imagined that several months later, we would still be in lockdown. Most of us are still schooling and working from home in one form or another, and trying to cope with the upside-down new normal (if you can call it that!). What’s a desperate parent to do?
Tune in to the podcast for some great conversations about how to get out of the funk and build real, meaningful connections with our kids that will last a lifetime!
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to kids and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality.
Pornography is easily accessible and is permeating our lives. And while we, as parents, are becoming more aware of its effects and recognize the need to talk with our children about pornography, many wonder when, where, and how to start the conversation. It’s a scary task, oftentimes more so for parents than for the kids! So, where do we start?
This episode is part of our #DearSavvy series. Sometimes you just want a quick answer to a burning question. These shorter episodes are designed to give you just that.Tune into the podcast to hear the whole scoop, and check out the show notes for helpful tools and information. If you’d like to submit a question, click here to Contact Us.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to kids and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality.
Child sexual abuse. It’s a serious topic with no easy answers. It can hurt just thinking about it—no matter whose child it affects. So what are we to do? Do we close our eyes, try to think of happier thoughts, and wish for it to all go away? No! We do what we can do. We control what we can control. We teach children about body safety. We give them the best protective information we can.
No one knows how to do this better than Holly-ann Martin. She, with the help of her husband Roger, founded Safe4Kids, a Western Australia organization devoted to Abuse Prevention Training. Simply, they saw a need and went to work. With a background in education, Holly-ann has developed a host of incredible resources (see links below). Each is designed to help parents and teachers empower children with the necessary life skills to not only help protect from unwanted sexual touch (including exposure to pornography), but also teach children how to build and nurture respectful relationships.
If there’s one underlying message that we want you to get from this episode, it’s that you can do this! Talking to children about body safety can be comfortable, easy, and even fun! In fact, kids learn best when they’re having fun. As their parent, you’re the best person to take the lead on this. But don’t worry, you’re not alone. Holly-ann is here to guide you though. In this episode we discuss:
- What is the best age to start protective conversations
- Why kids need us to help them express themselves
- 3 fun and practical ways to teach body safety
And did we mention? … she's been teaching and updating her curriculum for over 35 years!! So ya, she knows a thing or two!
More about today’s guest Holly-ann Martin is the founder and Managing Director of Safe4Kids, a company specialising in child abuse prevention education. Through Safe4Kids, Holly-ann develops and distributes child protection education resources to parents, teachers and educators, and facilitates child protection education and training in Australia and overseas. With a background as a Teacher’s Assistant, Holly-ann is also a children’s author and public speaker. Holly-ann advocates for a holistic, community-based approach to child abuse prevention, educating the people in a child’s network about how to teach kids about body safety, empower them with knowledge, and ultimately keep them safe.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to kids and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
Do you have a child who is obsessed with anime? Are you freaking out? Or maybe you just want to know what all the hype is about. What is anime? Is it dangerous? If so, how can I protect my kids? Is there any way to safely enjoy anime?
Anime. Suddenly it’s everywhere. All the kids are talking about it. All the parents are scratching their heads about it. And many families have sent us horror stories because they didn’t know what they were getting into, and their kids have been traumatized in its wake.
So what is anime anyway? Maybe you have some pieces of the puzzle. You know Pokemon Go is a thing. You’ve seen anime titles pop up on YouTube or Netflix. (Who could miss that pronounced Japanese animated style?) The kids are chatting non-stop about their favorite series and anime characters in the carpool on the way to school. So what’s the deal? Is anime evil? Is it safe? Should we be worried about this craze permeating the upcoming generation? Tune in to the podcast and we’ll figure it out together!
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to kids and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
Kids will explore their bodies. It’s natural. Should we talk about masturbation with them? If so, when? Most parents just don’t know how to begin. But ignoring the topic won’t help our children. As parents, it’s our job to help our kids make sense of even the trickiest topics, including masturbation and the danger of pairing it with pornography.
This episode is part of our #DearSavvy series. Sometimes you just want a quick answer to a burning question. These shorter episodes are designed to give you just that. Tune in to the podcast to hear the whole scoop, and check out the show notes for helpful tools and information. If you’d like to submit a question, click here to Contact Us.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to kids and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
Are the porn talk and the sex talk related? They should be! It’s time to consider how media and porn culture are affecting our kids’ sexual development. But first we have to see our kids as sexual beings. Say what? How in the world do we get there?
WARNING: This episode contains brief descriptions of sexually graphic content.
You’ve heard us say it a million times, but now we have a developmental psychologist and sex educator on the show to back us up: protecting our kids from pornography all comes back to the sex talk! Actually, ongoing sex talks (plural), as we like to say around here.
In this week’s episode, Dr. Megan Maas joins us for a straightforward, no-holds-barred chat about educating our kids about healthy sexuality, pornography, and pleasure. And most importantly, recognizing and respecting them as sexual beings, which she admits, isn’t the easiest thing in the world for parents to do. However, it’s a must. After all, “at the end of the day, we want our kids to have healthy, satisfying sex—not dangerous, violent sex,” she says. We have to agree!
Tune in to the show to hear Dr. Maas’ amazing research, insights, and parenting tips on kids, porn, and the sex talk.
More about today’s guest Megan Maas, PhD, is an assistant professor in Human Development & Family Studies. Her work sits at the intersection of sexual violence prevention and sexual health promotion. She received her PhD in 2016 from The Pennsylvania State University as a pre-doctoral fellow funded by the National Institutes of Health. Her award-winning research, recognized by the American Psychological Association, focuses on adolescent sexual socialization, with an emphasis on the bi-directional role that social media, sexting, and online pornography play in the development of attitudes and behavior related to sexuality and gender.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to kids and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
Parents everywhere are mourning the loss of “the most wonderful time of the year”—that sweet spot when our lives return to a predictable routine. (Or so we like to tell ourselves!) With COVID-19, the return to school looks different. Thousands of families have started out the year in virtual school—at home. As the weeks go on, they’re discovering that it’s anything but normal.
It doesn’t seem to matter if we’ve got one child at home or multiple children, the consensus is the same. Virtual school is tough—mentally, physically, and emotionally—on everyone! Let’s face it, school is more than just learning ABCs and 123s. It’s about social interaction, movement, collaboration, school spirit, and more. And it feels impossible to simulate that experience sitting at a desk, at home, connecting through a screen.
Parents are understandably anxious. Never before has it been mandated that kids spend this much time in front of screens for learning. In fact, there are compelling arguments to say that less time with screens (even for educational purposes) the better. So what do we do? How do we make the best of the situation we’re in? Today, we’re sharing three main ideas for creating a safer, more successful, more joyful (okay, okay ... more tolerable) virtual school experience in your home.
- Acknowledge the downside of virtual school and highlight the benefits.
- Design your child’s learning environment to promote screen safety and academic success.
- Plan your day in blocks. Decide together what kids can do after their online lessons.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to kids and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
Can you believe it? We’re back to school and STILL stuck in this crazy pandemic. And like it or not, many kids are doing virtual school, at least part time. Some are 100% virtual. Are you panicking? Are you wondering … Is virtual school a safe environment for my kids?
This episode is part of our #DearSavvy series. Sometimes you just want a quick answer to a burning question. These shorter episodes are designed to give you just that. Tune in to the podcast to hear the whole scoop, and check out the show notes for helpful tools and information. If you’d like to submit a question, click here to Contact Us.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to kids and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
Does it feel like you need a degree in computer science just to keep up with your kids online? Do you hyperventilate everytime you think about their digital safety and what you might be missing? Well, what if there was an EASY way to make sense of routers, filters and parental controls? Would you want that? … Absolutely!
As is the case with so many things, digital safety is not as much about what you know as it is about WHO you know. And … do we know a guy! His name is Chris McKenna, founder of Protect Young Eyes, an organization dedicated to providing the best internet safety information for families. If you have a question about any tech device or app, chances are Chris and his team have already tested it dozens of times (like a curious kid) and have the answers you're looking for.
Chris’ calendar is typically booked solid. So when he agreed to come on the show we literally jumped for joy! Not only does Chris know tech inside and out, but he’s able to communicate his knowledge in a way that every parent can understand. After thirty minutes chatting with him, oh my goodness, we learned soooo much!!! Click the podcast player to listen in. We’re confident that with Chris’ help, everyone can feel more confident protecting their kids at the internet level. Here’s what we cover in the show:
- You will always be your child’s best parental control.
- Seeing your router as the gatekeeper to your home devices.
- How to choose the best tech solutions for your family.
- Getting things right at the device level (away from home solutions).
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to kids and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
How much screen time is healthy? Ask extended family, friends, or the people next door, and chances are, recommendations will be all over the place. But what do the experts say? And what about COVID-19 and social isolation—when all our best-laid plans are falling to pieces?! Let’s talk about it!
This episode is part of our #DearSavvy series. Sometimes you just want a quick answer to a burning question. These shorter episodes are designed to give you just that. Tune in to the podcast to hear the whole scoop, and check out the show notes for helpful tools and information. If you’d like to submit a question, click here to Contact Us.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to kids and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
We have a porn problem. To fix it we need to get it out in the open. Yes, we’re getting better at acknowledging that porn targets kids. But we still talk in generalities. Like it’s something that's out there. When in reality it’s in here. It’s in our homes. It’s part of our kids’ lives. And to help them we need to start talking to other parents about our real worries and concerns.
Wait! What? You’re suggesting I tell someone if my child can’t stop looking at porn? Won’t that embarrass them or expose me to harsh criticism?
Ok. We’re not suggesting you tell just anyone and everyone. But if your child is struggling with porn, there are good reasons to seek support outside your immediate family. To learn more, listen to this week’s podcast. It’s actually an archived conversation between our founder Marilyn and her sister Val. They each open up about their own experiences with kids and porn. And why telling someone else was one of the best things they did to help their kids on a path to healing and recovery.
More about today’s guest Valerie Thomson is a mom of 8 and grandma to 8, with more on the way. She loves swimming, cycling, running, and hiking. When her kids were young, Val enjoyed homeschooling for many years. Today, some of her favorite moments include adventures with the grandkids. Val holds a Bachelor of Science Degree from the University of Western Ontario and coaches individuals in lifestyle medicine.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to kids and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
Kids are curious. And that’s important. They learn and grow by exploring the world around them. But it can terrify us too. What if their curiosity leads to danger? So we give warnings and have protective conversations. We guide and direct them toward safe, healthy choices. And in our media-saturated world, that also means talking about porn and why it’s harmful.
This episode is part of our #DearSavvy series. Sometimes you just want a quick answer to a burning question. These shorter episodes are designed to give you just that. Tune in to the podcast to hear the whole scoop, and check out the show notes for helpful tools and information. If you’d like to submit a question, click here to Contact Us.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to kids and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
What if my spouse is addicted to porn? Do I have a choice? What can I do to protect myself? Will his addiction impact our children? What can I do to protect them? Is it even possible to have marriage free from porn? How can I fight for love? How can I fight for my family?
To answer these questions, we’ve invited author and women’s support coach Rosie Makinney to join us this week. Her mission is to help women understand what works and what doesn’t in terms of getting porn out of marriage. We love her because she’s able to infuse this difficult conversation with brightness and hope. Her book, Fight for Love: How to Take Your Marriage Back from Porn, is a gem and recommended reading for wives everywhere.
Rosie’s outlook has been shaped by two vastly different porn-invaded relationships. She knows firsthand the futility and pain of competing against porn for love. But she also knows what it’s like to have a spouse who’s overcome addiction and together they’ve discovered more in marriage than they ever thought possible.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to kids and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
Kids are hilarious, sweet, funny, joyful and INNOCENT! But growing up in a media-saturated world is tough business. There’s a lot that can threaten childhood innocence. Parents worry and wonder what is the best way to shelter kids. What if we looked at the issue differently?
This episode is part of our #DearSavvy series. Sometimes you just want a quick answer to a burning question. These shorter episodes are designed to give you just that. Tune in to the podcast to hear the whole scoop, and check out the show notes for helpful tools and information. If you’d like to submit a question, click here to Contact Us.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to kids and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
Whose fight is this? You know us. We are moms—media savvy moms. We’re concerned about kids, family, and relationships. But ours is not the only voice needed. Nor is it the only voice being heard. We stand alongside amazing dads. Dads who have a vision for a world without exploitation. It’s this gentle strength of dads to fight porn that will help change the world.
Love is the antidote to porn. We know this. And it takes both dads and moms to model what real love looks like for kids. Simply, there are things kids learn from dads, and other significant men in their lives, they can’t learn from moms. Most importantly: how men treat women, and how to be a great dad mentor. Moms can teach this. But dads show it.
Josh Gilman joins us on the show this week. He is the director of Strength to Fight, an organization based in Ottawa, Canada fighting for a porn-free community. They get their message out through dynamic presentations in schools, churches and special events. But at the root of it, Josh is in this fight because of his role as a dad. He wants to see a better future for his kids.
More about today’s guest Josh Gilman is a speaker, author and the Executive Director of Strength To Fight. His background is a blend of Ministry and Communications. He worked for five years in the radio industry, including spending several years as a News Anchor and Reporter. Josh lives in Ottawa with his wife Megan and their four children, determined to create a different Internet for his kids than the one he grew up with.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to kids and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete podcast notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
There’s no question. In our media saturated world, our kids will be exposed to porn at some point. But what’s the right age to start talking about it?
This episode is part of our #DearSavvy series. Sometimes you just want a quick answer to a burning question. These shorter episodes are designed to give you just that. Tune in to the podcast to hear the whole scoop, and check out the show notes for helpful tools and information. If you’d like to submit a question, click here to Contact Us.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to kids and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
What do you do when you’ve been taught one thing and your day-to-day experience is completely different? Things don’t add up. You question everything but have nowhere to go for answers. You start to believe that there’s no one else like you. How can I be a girl and like pornography? How can I be a woman and be addicted? Where do I place all this shame?
Jessica Harris first stumbled upon pornography at age 13. It didn’t take long for curiosity to turn to compulsion. Hours upon hours were spent consuming porn and entering chat rooms on her home computer (dial-up modem). By the time she graduated high school it felt like an addiction. She was scared and she wanted out. But it wasn’t happening. She had tried and failed multiple times on her own.
Two defining, yet completely opposite, experiences in college opened her eyes to the plight of girls and women. She was not alone! Despite what society tells girls, they do have a sex drive, they can become trapped by pornography, and there is such a thing as female addiction.
Beggar’s Daughter: From the Rags of Pornography to the Riches of Grace is her beautifully written response to these experiences. Jessica tenderly tells about her own struggles with pornography, and her path to healing and recovery. Her hope is to give women a voice in this conversation. We encourage you to read it and share it. Let her words change your perspective.
But first, listen to the podcast! Here she shares with us what we can do to improve the conversation we’re having with our own daughters.
More about today’s guest Jessica Harris is an international speaker, creator of beggarsdaughter.com, and author of the book, Beggar’s Daughter: From the Rags of Pornography to the Riches of Grace. She's one of the leading voices in the conversation about the sexual struggles of women in the church and how we can meet those struggles with grace. She lives in Maryland with her husband and their baby girl and has recently released a devotional for moms. She is passionate about having open and honest conversations about sex and sexual struggles because she believes if you're silent about the struggle, you're silent about grace.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to kids and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete podcast notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
Just when we thought we had online safety figured out … time for a playdate! When our kids are away, will they still be safe? How do we bring up our concerns about online safety and playdates with the other parents?
This episode is part of our #DearSavvy series. Sometimes you just want a quick answer to a burning question. These shorter episodes are designed to give you just that. Tune in to the podcast to hear the whole scoop, and check out the show notes for helpful tools and information. If you’d like to submit a question, click here to Contact Us.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to kids and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
What do teens really want parents to know about pornography and growing up in a media saturated world? Sure, we can talk about how to connect with our teens. We might even turn to researched-based theories to refine our parenting skills. But teens are tricky. And despite our best efforts, we’re often left scratching our heads wondering if we’re on the right track.
Ahhh, wouldn’t it be great if we could read their minds? We’d know exactly what to say and when. Maybe then we could avoid awkward moments, scathing eyerolls, bursts of anger, or tears of misunderstanding. (Not to mention their reactions!!—LOL)
Alas, telepathy is not our game plan. We opted instead to speak with Creed Orme, co-host of Breaking the Silence, a podcast by Reach 10. Creed is 26 years old. So, not so far removed from teen life. Plus, he’s got sound advice for parents of teens who struggle with addiction to pornography—because he’s been there himself.
More about today’s guest Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to kids and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete podcast notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
We know racism in the media is a tricky topic. But that’s what we do here at Media Savvy Moms. Honest conversations in a media saturated world? That’s our jam. Hang on, parents. You got this.
This episode is part of our #DearSavvy series. Sometimes you just want a quick answer to a burning question. These shorter episodes are designed to do just that. Tune in to the podcast to hear the whole scoop, and check out the show notes for helpful tools and information. If you’d like to submit a question, click here to Contact Us.
Dear Savvy: There is so much about racism in the media, especially right now with all the violence and riots around the U.S. My son approached me the other day and wanted to know what it’s all about. Do you have any advice for talking to my kids about this touchy subject?
Dear Listener,
Whether we are black, brown, white, or any combination of colors, it's time for our families to hit the subject of racism head-on. And although racism in the media and current events might feel scary or intimidating, it actually provides a great avenue for us to break the silence. It's so important to talk to our kids about racism, and this is a perfect opportunity to do that!
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization that helps families develop safer screen habits. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
Pornography is like a drug. It draws in consumers and hooks them. Many say they’ve tried to quit over and over. But progress can feel almost imperceptible. It’s easy to get discouraged and want to give in. Those who succeed learn that victory is about preparing for the long game. It takes endurance to overcome pornography.
In this episode we sit down with Garrett Jonsson. He’s a father, a fighter, and an endurance enthusiast. He shares with us what it takes to overcome pornography. Not just personally, but also as a dad fighting for his family and his community. Plus he’s got advice for parents whose kids are consuming pornography. And finally, a call to all dads to take up the fight.
There are those of us who fight pornography. And then there are those who fight pornography by running 30 marathons in 30 days, then hop on a bike for another 56 days and cycle from Virgina to California. Ok, scratch that. There’s only one fighter like Garrett! Tune in to the podcast and listen to his incredible story.
More about today’s guest Garrett Jonsson is an endurance enthusiast. From riding his bicycle 3,800 miles across the country to running 30 marathons in 30 days, he doesn’t give up easily but insists raising children requires the most stamina. He loves the outdoors, road trips, and fighting for love. As one of Fight the New Drug’s veteran presenters, he’s spoken to more than 160 audiences from around the globe about the harmful effects of porn. He is also host of Fight the New Drug’s biweekly podcast, Consider Before Consuming.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to kids and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete podcast notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
Everybody knows it’s there. And that kids do find it. That they will look. And look again. But when it happens to you, in your home, with your kid, you feel completely caught off guard. Some parents describe it as a sucker punch. A flood of negative emotions. From anger to fear and everything in between. So what do you do when you find your kid is looking at pornography?
There’s a growing number of resources to help parents focus on prevention. (So good.) And it seems like there are a lot of recovery options to help adults who want freedom from pornography. (Also good.) But doesn’t it feel like there’s a big gap in the conversation? As if no one wants to talk about what to do when a KID is looking at pornography? And how to help them stop?
We get it. It feels awkward and uncomfortable. But “what to do when a kid is looking at pornography” is not something we shy away from on the Media Savvy Moms Podcast. Cycle back to past episodes and you’ll notice this is a question we ask our guests over and over. We always want to provide you with the best practical information.
Today we’re giving you our take on this important topic. Be sure to tune in to the full episode!
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to kids and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete podcast notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
It has happened to all of us at one time or another. We’re lured into a false sense of security. We think we’re in a safe space. And then we (or our children!) are assaulted by an inappropriate image or message. Learn how the Choose Change campaign can give us ways to fight back!
Pornography and sexual exploitation are a huge plague in our society. But have you ever thought about the big bucks behind them? Did you ever consider that you can reach some of the organizations that are fueling the problem and actually make a difference?
What if it was as easy as the click of a button? Would you take time to help?
This is Glendyne Gerrard’s mission. To educate members of the community. To defend children and families. And to make it easy to get involved in causes that will make a difference. As co-founder of Defend Dignity, the organization behind the annual Choose Change campaign, she is doing just that.
More about today’s guest Glendyne Gerrard helped found Defend Dignity, an initiative of The Christian & Missionary Alliance, in 2010 after meeting and being challenged by a survivor of prostitution. She has been giving direction to this non-profit organization ever since. She is passionate about ending all forms of sexual exploitation in Canada. She has been married for 42 years to her husband Doug. Together they have three married children and eight grandchildren. They live in Oakville, Ontario.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to kids and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete podcast notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
You know it has to be done. The porn talk. Cue the sweaty palms and racing heart. And what about our kids? How do we pull this off without stressing them out? Wouldn’t you like to know?
This show is actually a sneak peek of the content in our FREE guide, 10 Surprisingly Natural Ways to Talk to Your Kids About Pornography. Find the link in our complete podcast notes at Parents Aware. You’ll get awesome ideas for starting great discussions with your kids. All in surprising natural ways!
You’ve got questions. We’ve got answers. Most parents know they need to talk to their kids about pornography. They just get stuck on how to do it. It’s the elephant in the room that no one wants to talk about. It feels scary, awkward and uncomfortable.
A lot of parents also wonder when they should start the porn talk. Our answer is always the same—start today!
Do you have young children? No worries. Everything we talk about in this episode can be adapted to any age. Maybe you have teens? That’s good too. Research shows that teens actually want their parents to start honest conversations with them about sex and pornography.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to kids and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete show notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
Have you ever had a sex talk with your kids that ended with a look of disgust? Why do we bother having these talks? Does building a foundation of healthy sexuality really help protect our kids from the harms of pornography?
We’re back again … revisiting the sex talk. Do we sound like a broken record? Good! You should too. Because that’s awesome parenting!
If we have to remind our kids every day to wash their hands and brush their teeth, why should talking about vital topics like sex and pornography be any different?
This is just one of the super sweet points our guest, Kayley Lynch, touched on in today’s podcast. You might remember Kayley from a previous blog post — “You mean it’s not a BA-jina?” (Check it out. It’s one of our greatest hits!)
Last time we touched base with Kayley, she was just getting over her mama-jitters and talking to her kids about sex. A few years have passed since then. So, we thought we’d follow up and see how things were going now.
More about today’s guest Kayley Lynch recently returned to school—on track to teach French and Canadian studies to High Schoolers. She also works part-time as an Educational Assistant and an ASL-English Interpreter. Kayley, with her husband (best friend) and four kids (crazy) live in Oshawa, Ontario. Music is their jam (piano, violin, and the bagpipes!). In her spare time, she loves cycling in the countryside, napping, and eating delicious food.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to kids and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete podcast notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
Do you ever wonder … How can I protect my kids from pornography? Where do I even start? Does it make you hyperventilate a little? We get it. Let’s break it down and make a plan.
The porn industry. It’s big. It’s bad. And it’s coming after our kids. It’s no joke. We’ve learned enough in recent episodes about Pornhub and sexualized media to know this. Right?
So where does that leave us? Shaking in our boots? Ready to live on a desert island with our kids with no technology? (A parent can dream … )
If we could give you a magic wand and make it all go away, we would. Gladly! We’d love to POOF all that porn right into oblivion! But nope. We can’t run away. This is parenting in a media saturated world. And we got this! Go team!
It’s time to sit down and make a game plan. One step at a time. Tune in to learn the 4 essential steps to protect kids from pornography.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to kids and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete podcast notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
Moms, listen up! You know the challenges of raising kids in a media saturated world. You’re constantly thinking about your kids and worrying about how they’re doing online. You’re concerned about filters, parental controls, making room for open communication, and creating safe places to talk. But when was the last time you stopped to think about how you’re doing? Is there a chance that you’ve let mom guilt take over? Maybe just a little?
Okay, we know dads feel all these feelings too; but today we’re focusing on mom. Emotions surrounding kids’ use of devices can spiral pretty quick. Let us know if this sounds familiar: “If I were a better mom my kids would be doing exactly what I tell them to do and we wouldn’t be having all these challenges.” How do we know this? We’ve been there too!
So where do these emotions come from? Are they good? Bad? Healthy? Hurtful? … Is there a better way? Life Coach Vauna Davis says that emotions are always worth exploring. They help us understand the world we live in and what we’re going through. But mom guilt, she insists, is a symptom of not putting your emotions to good use. Like building up confidence and having compassion for everyone in the family.
Tune in to the podcast because we’re going to learn how to get emotions and feelings working on our side. Yayyy! Go Mom!
More about today’s guest Vauna Davis is a life coach with a passion project - helping people live free from the impact of pornography. She is founder and director of Reach 10, a nonprofit helping young adults talk more openly about pornography; chair of The Safeguard Alliance of the National Center on Sexual Exploitation; and former director of Utah Coalition Against Pornography. In her life coaching practice, Midlife Confidence Coach, she helps women love their next stage of life. Vauna lives with her husband, Michael, in Springville, Utah.
About the podcast Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to kids and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete podcast notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
In our crazy digital world, we know it’s not a matter of IF our kids will see porn—it’s a matter of WHEN. But what then? After exposure, will they go back? How do we know if they are struggling with an addiction?
As parents, we just want to keep our kids safe. That’s the goal. But in order to protect our kids from the harms of pornography, we need to understand what we’re dealing with. For instance, what’s the difference between accidental exposure, a habit, and addiction? What qualifies as an “addiction,” and can we really use that word when it comes to children and teens?
Paul Lavergne, a Registered Psychotherapist and Certified Sexual Recovery Therapist, is here on the podcast to help us sort through these complicated questions, and give us answers, resources and peace of mind.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to kids and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete podcast notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
Young or old, our kids need to know: When it comes to my body, I AM IN CHARGE, and there are lines no one can cross without my permission! But how do we get that into their heads?
When we teach our kids about body safety, we’re helping to protect them from a host of dangers—from predators and sharing nudes to unwanted sexual attention and date rape.
But how do we instill this knowledge without scaring them to death?
Think of it this way. Rather than painting a picture of the big scary world and encouraging our kids to cower in a corner, we can put a cape of confidence around them and teach them to trust their powers of self-awareness.
So, let’s talk about WHY, WHEN, and HOW we empower kids and teens with protective information.
Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to kids and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete podcast notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
Do you ever get the feeling that society views kids as troublemakers, and parents as the good guys? We need to be careful about stereotypes—and mindful of where we point fingers. A better approach is to consider how to establish a strong foundation that can help kids make great decisions now and in the future.
Yes, part of being a kid is to test the waters, to experiment, and to try new things. As we’ve said before, curiosity is what drives learning. But the truth is, there are tons of great kids out there. And they’re all looking for answers on how to navigate every aspect of life.
They need—and crave!—guidance from parents and mentors who genuinely care about their health and well-being.
Digital devices tend to amplify our fears about teen attitude and risky behavior. No doubt! There are plenty of online dangers to be found. Never mind that the tech itself is inherently addictive. Left to navigate the crazy digital world on their own, will kids be ready?
Our guest, Brett Ullman, author of the book, Parenting: Navigating Everything, explains how you can connect with your kids, establish a strong relational foundation, and give them skills they need to thrive online and off.
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Media Savvy Moms is a podcast by ParentsAware, an organization dedicated to helping parents talk to kids and teens about pornography and healthy sexuality. For complete podcast notes, visit http://parentsaware.info/index.php/podcast/.
We’re one month into the COVID-19 crisis. Working from home, schooling from home, social distancing, sheltering-in-place. Going stir crazy. How’s everyone doing? Want a tool to help?
All of life’s challenges are now packed into a tiny box (our homes) full of emotions, work, school, and whatever else your family happens to have in the mix.
On Day 1, everyone and their dog had a plan, with pretty lists all in a row. But by week’s end all those plans were in the dust-bin, and we were huddled in a corner watching Netflix and binging on chocolate ice cream. But now we’re in for the long haul. So we should probably find a plan that fits somewhere in between. Right?
Tune in for a chat about what’s REALLY going on and some tips on how to support our families through these challenging times.
Plus ...
Find out how to download your FREE
KIDS-AT-HOME SURVIVAL GUIDE
& Screen Safety Plan.
[For complete show notes visit ParentsAware.info]
For years Pornhub, the world's largest porn site, has marketed themselves as just another household name—as basic as breakfast cereal, as constant as the daily news. However, a single petition to shut down Pornhub is blowing the whistle. Today, we're talking to the woman behind the movement.
Recent investigative reports have uncovered what many have long suspected: Pornhub profits from the commercial sex trafficking of minors. Meanwhile, they hide behind third-party immunity, claiming they are “not responsible” for the content uploaded to their site. And so far they’ve gotten away with it.
Lucky for us, we have a powerhouse on our side. Laila Mickelwait, director of abolition for Exodus Cry, has been working to combat sexual exploitation and sex trafficking for over a decade. Her research keeps bringing her back to the connection between trafficking and pornography.
It didn’t take much to find Pornhub at the center of all this exploitation. Laila is particularly concerned with the minimal efforts taken to verify age and consent of those appearing in materials uploaded to the site. That is exactly what inspired her to start a petition to shut down the site--a petition that now has more than a half a million signatures, and more every day.
Episode challenge We can’t always take immediate action to help fix a monstrous issue like this. But today we can. Today’s challenge will take less than five minutes, and it WILL make a difference. Sign the petition to shut down Pornhub at traffickinghub.com. Then share the link with a friend and ask them to sign too.
Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed the show, please leave a positive review or tell a friend!
More about today’s guest Laila Mickelwait is the Director of Abolition for Exodus Cry. She has a Master of Public Diplomacy degree from the Annenberg School of Communications and the Dornsife School of International Relations at the University of Southern California in Los Angeles in conjunction with the U.S. Department of State. Laila has been working in the anti-trafficking field for over a decade, including time at the United Nations in Geneva, Switzerland with the World Federation of United Nations Associations Millennium Project. Laila’s writing and speaking have been published in outlets such as The New York Post, The Washington Examiner, BBC News, The Washington Post, The Guardian, The Christian Post and others.
Links/Resources Follow Laila on Twitter @LailaMickelwait and Instagram @lailamickelwait
Traffickinghub Website
Exodus Cry Website
[For complete show notes visit ParentsAware.info]
What is the most important message you want your daughter to hear from you about sex? Such a great question! We wish we had come up with it. But truly, it’s from Dina Alexander of Educate Empower Kids. Lucky us, she’s back on the podcast! This time helping us take sex talks for daughters a step beyond periods and puberty.
We don’t have to tell you that the media isn’t very kind when it comes to women. From movies and magazines to social media and porn, women and girls are airbrushed and photoshopped, exploited, objectified, and generally made to feel like they are just not enough … or just enough to satisfy the male gaze.
We claim to be an enlightened society, where women are respected and heard. And yet the same old dangerous sexual stereotypes repeatedly surface. Think about that. While we’re telling our girls that they can grow up to be anything they want—POWER TO THE PERIOD!—women are continually portrayed as sex objects on social media and in film and print. Is it surprising then that these scripts find their way into first kisses, dating, and eventual sexual relationships?
Hmmm, looks like we have some work ahead of us.
More about today’s guest Dina Alexander, MS, is the founder and CEO of Educate and Empower Kids. She is the creator of How to Talk to Your Kids About Pornography and the 30 Days of Sex Talks and 30 Days to a Stronger Child programs. It is her life’s work to help parents, teachers and community leaders raise strong, healthy kids who use technology for good in this new digital age.
Links/Resources Books from Educate and Empower Kids
Talking With Our Daughters About Masturbation
[For complete show notes visit ParentsAware.info]
Ready or not, COVID-19 is turning our lives upside-down. And parenting during social isolation? The struggle is real! How are we going to keep our kids safe, happy, and healthy—and still maintain our sanity?
Sudden school closures all over North America have put many parents into a tail-spin. And that was just the beginning. As the days stretch on, regulations are getting more strict, It’s becoming clear that social distancing isn’t going to end anytime soon.
In addition to school, many of our families have lost access to health clubs, churches, team sports, libraries, music lessons, scouts, and a whole host of structured activities that keep us busy, productive, and allow us to interact with other human beings. What are we going to do now that those options are out of the picture?
After just a few days of being stuck in the house, with no one else to interact with but each other does anyone else feel like their head might explode? We have a lonnnng way to go yet!
Have no fear! We’re here to help! And we’ve come with an expert in tow: Greta Eskridge, a home educator who specializes in helping families find deeper connections. Plus, she fights pornography! Now that’s our kind of lady.
We had so much fun talking with Greta. She has FABULOUS advice and tips to keep kids engaged in quality activities during this challenging time! Best of all, these are tips we can use anytime kids are at home, not just during a crisis. Get ready to be inspired!
[For complete show notes visit ParentsAware.info]
Masturbation. There are probably as many ways to address this topic as there are families. The question is, how do you start the conversation with your kids?
Okay. We’ll admit it. We were nervous about having this talk too.
In fact, the last time we felt like this was probably before an election. You know that feeling? When you have intensely passionate emotions about an issue or candidate? And you just KNOW you are right—and everyone else is wrong! And then you speak out (or post something on social media) and find out that even some of your best friends are in a different camp. What?!
Masturbation is like that. It’s a topic that evokes strong emotions. It makes us blush. It might even bring up childhood memories that trigger guilt or shame. However, when paired with pornography—as it often is in our digital world—it’s another issue altogether.
So where do we start the conversation with our kids?
In this episode, we’ve put together talking points to help:
- Decide where you stand,
- Start the conversation, and
- Speak above the “hubbub” to avoid shame.
[For complete show notes visit ParentsAware.info]
When our girls look at the world around them, how do they feel? Important or insignificant? Adored or objectified?
There’s a basic truth. It’s this, that all girls have value, beauty and purpose. Yet for so many the truth has been hidden. Thousands of girls in our cities and towns across this globe have never been told their worth. Bella Girl, a teen outreach program in Toowoomba, Australia, has made it their mission to change that!
20 years ago, Letitia Shelton attended a large multi-faith conference. There she heard her mayor speak passionately about the youth of their city—their struggles and their hurt. The mayor then challenged those in the room to look beyond the walls of their separate churches. She asked them to reach out to the youth of their city and do something!
This is the week we celebrate International Women’s Day. What better way than to recognize a woman who was inspired by her female mayor to make a positive impact in the lives of girls in her city!
More about today’s guest Letitia Shelton is CEO of City Women Toowoomba in Australia, an organization concerned with making their city a better place for women and girls. City Women started with teen camps for girls. In the process of reaching out their eyes were opened. In seeing the brokenness of so many lives the organization expanded to meet more needs. Today City Women runs 20 separate projects, with over 200 volunteers, working together to bring healing, hope & redemption to so many in their city.
Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed the show, please leave a positive review or tell a friend!
[For complete show notes visit ParentsAware.info]
Parenting is no easy task. We make rules. We set boundaries. But will they stick? Wondering how to get your kids to listen?
Let’s face it. Parenting isn’t what we always imagined it would be.
Once upon a time, when we were young and childless, and we walked past a little person screaming bloody murder in a store, we might have thought to ourselves, “That will NEVER be MY child!” And then, years later, it was our child. And as we stared down at our tiny tantruming tot and watched the others walking by wagging their heads at us, we thought … ah, the circle of life.
Turns out there are a few tried and true “parenting rules” that work wonders getting kids to warm up to advice and guidance from mom and dad. But it goes both ways. These rules also help to ground us in realistic expectations.
For complete show notes visit ParentsAware.info
Parenting is hard enough … but add a spouse who’s actively using pornography, and you have an additional batch of stress that can often feel unbearable. So how do you do it? How do you balance both at the same time?
We talk about hard stuff on our show, but this topic feels even more tricky than usual. This show might not apply to your situation. But more than likely, it will apply to at least one woman you know—whether you are aware of it or not.
Family dynamics are complicated enough. Marriage, kids, work, parenting. But what about when your spouse is addicted to pornography? That’s a whole different ball of wax. According to our guest today, Anne Blythe, founder of Betrayal Trauma Recovery, most women—even those doing recovery work alongside their husbands—are not getting the help they need.
IMPORTANT: We understand that husbands are not always the ones who become addicted to pornography. We recognize that women are also susceptible to porn addiction. That is a topic for another time. However, Betrayal Trauma Recovery works specifically with wives of addicts.
For complete podcast notes, visit ParentsAware.info.
Ah … Valentine’s Day … time for paper hearts, candy, red roses … and a great reason to talk about about dating, relationships, and sex with your kids? Absolutely!
What’s your first Valentine’s Day memory? Exchanging those little perforated cards in elementary school? Smearing pink frosting on a sugar cookie? For us, Valentine’s must include chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate. (Yum.)
In the beginning, “liking” someone was so simple, wasn’t it? “Do you want to be my boyfriend/girlfriend? Check the box: yes or no.” Then pass the note back after lunch!
But as we get older, LOVE becomes a little more complicated.
It’s our job as parents to un-complicate things for our kids—to get back to basics! But how do we teach them what real love is, what a healthy relationship looks like, and how to navigate the craziness in our porn-saturated culture? Let’s talk about it!
For complete podcast notes, visit our website: ParentsAware.info
We all know there are big bad corporations out there benefiting from sexual exploitation. But which ones are they? And which ones affect our families the most?
It’s a scary world. Right? But we can’t hide under a rock. Or put our kids in a bubble. It’s our job, as parents, to be informed about the dangers that surround our families—and to do something about them.
Join us for a chat with Jake Roberson, digital director at the National Center on Sexual Exploitation, as we take a peek at the Dirty Dozen List and discuss some great tools to take action!
We’re parenting in a porn-saturated world. So, how do we avoid the paralyzing fear that sometimes comes with protecting our kids? How do we know what we can and can’t control? Let’s BE IN THE NOW and figure it out together!
“Mindfulness” is a big buzzword these days. And it’s no wonder. Our lives are jam-packed with To-Do lists, social media, jobs, family responsibilities, stress, goals, lunch dates, financial worries, planning for the future, doctor’s appointments, Siri and Alexa ... And—oh yeah—pornography!
Does it ever feel like a thousand voices are screaming at you at the same time, all the time?
This is life in our modern world.
To counter all of this noise, we’ve begun seeking strategies to calm ourselves and listen to one thing at a time—to find peace, and “be in the now.”
When it comes to parenting and pornography, this is an essential skill. It’s much too easy to look at the big picture, at the big bad porn industry threatening to swallow up our children, and to get overwhelmed and paralyzed with fear.
So today, we’re giving you permission to stop. Take a breath. Let’s talk about what we can control and what we can’t. Let’s learn what it means to “be in the now” when it comes to porn and parenting.
Stop stressing about the future Anxiety stems from dwelling on the future and worrying about things that haven’t happened yet. (Things we can’t control.)
We don’t need to waste time and energy living in the future. That’s why we want to “be in the now!”
As parents, we may experience anxiety because we worry:
- What if my child is exposed to pornography?
- What if my child has already seen pornography?
- What if I’m scared to talk to my kids about pornography?
- How will exposure to pornography affect their future?
A little concern about dangerous things (like pornography) can be good, because it keeps us (and our children) alert, aware, and safe. But too much can paralyze us and make us too afraid to act.
Melody’s mom always said, “Worry is like a rocking chair. You expend so much time and energy rocking and rocking. But in the end you haven’t gone anywhere.”
“Worrying is carrying tomorrow's load with today's strength- carrying two days at once. It is moving into tomorrow ahead of time. Worrying doesn't empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.” ― Corrie Ten Boom
We can help eliminate anxiety/excessive fear when we are talking to our kids about pornography by:
- Starting wherever we are and going from there (Ep. #1.2, Rattlesnakes, Ep. #1.1, Get Off the Fence)
- Giving our kids a safe place (Ep. #1.4, Construction Site)
- Understanding that we can always have a “do-over” if we make a mistake when we’re talking to our kids (Ep. #1.18, I Panicked)
Related: Ep. #1.18, I Panicked When My Child Confided in Me About Porn, Now What?
Stop dwelling on the past Depression stems from dwelling on the past and worrying about things that have already happened. (Things we can’t change.)
We’ve mentioned this before, but … in addiction recovery we have an analogy: If you get a flat tire, you don’t throw away the whole car. You fix the flat and keep moving forward.
Let’s stop for a minute and talk about the difference between guilt and shame. These are NOT the same thing.
- Guilt = I made a mistake (externalize, fixable)
- Shame = I am a mistake (internalize, permanent, unfixable)
Guilt can actually be a good thing, if we focus it in the right direction. It’s okay to feel sorry when we’ve done something wrong. That makes us want to make changes and do better in the future. But shame and depression happen when we get stuck in a spiral, dwelling on the past and beating ourselves up for mistakes we have made.
“Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.” ― Brene Brown
We can help eliminate shame and depression when we are dealing with porn exposure in our families by:
- Showing love, patience, and forgiveness with each other and ourselves
- Avoiding perfectionism—just doing our best
- Reinforcing that safe place! (Ep. #1.4, Construction Site)
- Focusing on self-care, for ourselves and our children (Ep. #1.3, Oxygen Mask)
Related: Ep. #1. My Child Saw Porn, Now What? A S.M.A.R.T. Plan for Parents
Be in the now As we mentioned, “mindfulness” is a popular term these days. It’s not just for yoga and meditation anymore (although these are great practices that we highly recommend!). There are books and courses and coaches out there to help us practice mindfulness in the corporate world, in the classroom, in our homes, and even for kids.
Here is some practical advice we can apply specifically to parenting. Listen to the podcast for more details on these strategies!
- Find meditative practices, mantras (or even Yoga) to help you focus and relax. This is healthy for the body and mind, but also a parenting strategy too!
- “Soften.” In parenting we’re working hard. We might even be tensing shoulders or sending off other stressful physical cues. Take note of these habits. Breathe. Soften.
- Learn to help your kids without losing yourself. Our kids are important, but self-care is important too!
- Focus on what you can control
-
- Focus on what your kids enjoy
- Let kids be kids
- Don’t harp on the negative all the time
- Don’t “parent to your fears”
- Ask yourself, “What can I do in this moment that can help?”
- LISTEN - be still (Remember: You have TWO ears and ONE mouth! Use them accordingly.)
Related: Ep. #1.3, My Child Needs Help! 6 Practical Ways to Put Your Oxygen Mask on First
Episode challenge Are you stressed? Take a moment right now and bring awareness to your body. Are you tense? What do you have in your tool kit to bring you into the NOW? What makes you soften your edges? Is it a deep breath? Is it counting to 10? Is it removing yourself from the room and taking a 2-minute meditation? Do that NOW! Practice right NOW. Remember, ”You get what you repeat.”
Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed the show, please leave a positive review or tell a friend!
Do you have a question? If you have a topic you’d like featured on the show, email us at mediasavvymoms@gmail.com. Or if you’d rather submit your question privately, you can use our Anonymous Feedback/Q&A Form.
I hear a lot about human trafficking in the news. Of course I’m concerned. But what do I do about it? Does it really affect me … or my children?
What if your daughter (or son) was being trafficked right under your nose? While she was still living close to home and seeing you several times a week? And you had no idea it was happening? Does this seem unrealistic? In fact, that’s precisely what happened to our guest.
A mother’s story about human trafficking We’re talking with Lynda Harlos, a mother who was caught in a nightmare. Her daughter was being trafficked for sex—without even realizing it. Now Lynda and her daughter, Samantha, are doing everything they can to educate others about this growing crisis.
Human trafficking isn’t something that just happens overseas. It doesn’t just happen to other people. It’s happening right here in our own communities. And it can happen to any family.
Often, when we hear about BIG issues like human trafficking we don’t know where to start or how to respond. What are the signs to look for? Can we protect our kids? Listen to a mom who has gone through it. She’s got the experience and practical advice to help us talk to our children. As parents, we are always the first line of defense. With knowledge we can make a difference.
Boyfriend turned trafficker [1:45] In our society, we learn about stereotypes associated with human trafficking and what it looks like, but those stereotypes are not always true!
[3:30] Did you know it is possible for a child to get into a human trafficking situation without realizing they are being trafficked? Traffickers are patient, sly, and manipulative. The grooming process can be incredibly subtle.
[4:45] Learn how traffickers use traumatic experiences and shame to groom their victims and alienate them from friends and family, then sweep in as the “good guy” to “save” them and make their dreams come true.
[7:44] It’s so important that we are aware of these nasty tricks so that we know how to fight back if our kids are being victimized. Love, love, love. Not shame! Lynda’s family didn’t give up. They kept reaching out to Samantha. They let her know she wasn’t alone. And that’s what eventually saved her.
Signs of domestic sex trafficking [8:05] Would you be able to recognize the signs if you were face-to-face with a trafficker? Listen to what Lynda had to say about her interactions with the man who trafficked her daughter.
[10:33] Where is Samantha now? Learn how Lynda’s resilient daughter has moved on with her life after this tragedy and made it her mission to help educate others so that it doesn’t happen to them.
[11:27] We wondered how Samantha escaped from her trafficker. But her mother told us that she really didn’t even realize she was being trafficked until several years after she got away. In her mind, she had just “dropped her morals” and she always believed it was her fault. Think about that for a minute. And consider what that means. If we are trying to help someone who is being trafficked, they might not even realize they need help.
“Our relationship was her lifeline” [12:45] Our relationships with our kids can be a lifeline. Sometimes just a few words from a parent can change a child’s life. Find out how a small moment with Samantha’s father changed her direction in the midst of her journey with human trafficking.
[14:50] Listen for great tips to help parents protect kids from human trafficking! Here are a few:
- Provide a lifeline that allows your kids to come back to you no matter what.
- Remember that it’s not just girls that are in danger—boys can be trafficked too!
- Watch out for specific red flags that might indicate your child is being trafficked.
[19:00] Do you know the warning signs of an abusive relationship? And when does abuse become trafficking? We need to teach our children to watch out for these signs.
[20:05] Be aware that victims of trafficking have been coerced, manipulated, and programmed with a lot of fear. They’ve been brainwashed to distrust those who truly love them. It can take a great deal of patience to break through to them and get them to talk. But … it’s a lot more likely they will return to family if there was a strong relationship to begin with. Start by establishing open communication right now!
[21:55] There are a growing number of resources available to help victims of human trafficking. Many kids in trouble aren’t ready to go to family. But we can still help them find the resources they need. Our job is to create a safety net in any way we can. Some kids feel better talking to a complete stranger. The main goal is to get the kids at risk the help they need. (See our Links and Resources below.)
Episode challenge Tell your children you love them. But don’t just say “I love you.” Make sure they know that you love them unconditionally. Tell them “I love you—no matter what!”
Join the Parents Aware community Parents Aware is a forum for sharing concerns, ideas and successes. We hope that you can continue to look to us for support. Discover how you can contribute to this community and its cause. It’s easy:
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Just fill out the attached form.
More about today’s guest Lynda Harlos is a mother of four and certified family coach. What really gets her feet on the floor every morning is her website, Parent With Purpose, and helping families. Lynda does a talk show and vlogs on all aspects of parenting, which are available on her website and YouTube channel. She is also author of the book, I Was The Perfect Parent...then I had kids: Experience Parenting with greater victory and less guilt.
Links/Resources: Human Trafficking: A Personal Story - Lynda’s daughter, Samantha, shares her experience in her own words; debunking myths about human trafficking, and resources for our audience in Canada
Shared Hope International (website)
The Samaritan Women & Institute for Shelter Care (website)
National Human Trafficking Hotline (US): Call 1-888-373-7888 ( TTY: 711)|Text 233733
Canadian Human Trafficking Hotline (CAN): Call 1-833-900-1010.
Hey parents! Do you know what Pornhub is? Chances are, your kids know enough about it to carry on a conversation around the lunch table at school. Are you prepared to fight back against this multi-million-dollar monstrosity?
We’ve recently had an epiphany—a lightbulb moment if you will. Since we fight porn every day, we took it for granted that everyone knows what Pornhub is, but apparently that’s not the case! (See story below.) Well … you can’t stop an enemy if you don’t know it exists. So today we’re giving you the parent’s definitive guide to Pornhub.
Can’t fight what you don’t know A few weeks ago Marilyn was in a women's meeting. The ladies were talking generally about choices, and then they started discussing how you might respond if you see a threat creeping in on someone or something you love. The first thing is to decide between doing something or nothing, right?
She had an example to share, so she spoke up:
My heart was bursting, because a friend of mine had told me the day before how she had immediately acted on what she perceived as a threat to her whole community. Recently, a couple local radio hosts in our area had been promoting Pornhub on their show—a kind of joke, or a publicity stunt. I wrote about one such incident on our blog [add link].
Well, when my friend heard this happen on a separate occasion she immediately pulled over (she was driving at the time) and wrote detailed notes on her phone about what she had heard on the radio. Then as soon as she got home, she emailed the radio host and lodged a formal complaint with the broadcasting standards council. Yes!!! Citizens in Action! (That’s what we love to see! Just like we were talking about in our episode with Melissa Blair, Campaign for a Porn-free Childhood.)
I thought my women friends would be stoked. To be honest, they all looked kind of underwhelmed. That was, until one of them blurted out. “What’s Pornhub?” (Bless her heart for asking!)
I was stunned. I had assumed everyone knew about Pornhub—even the blue-hairs in our group. As Forbes magazine points out:
“With page stat numbers in the billions, it's hard to imagine that there are people on this planet somehow not viewing or uploading content to Pornhub.
I looked around and I saw many women (younger and older), with the same confused look, waiting for my response. To be clear, they all know pornography is accessable on the web. They just had no idea that it was operating as an efficient above-ground industry.
Related Content: Radio Station Promotes Pornography: 3 Easy Ways to Take Action
Maybe you already know a bit about how the porn industry operates online. Maybe this is news to you. No matter what knowledge-base you’re starting at, this episode has take-aways for every person concerned with protecting kids from internet pornography.
Don’t forget to subscribe to Media Savvy Moms on your favourite podcasting platform!
What is Pornhub? [4:20] Pornhub is the largest pornographic video-sharing platform in the world. Oh, and it’s free! Think YouTube, except exclusively for hardcore pornography.
[6:15] Learn about MindGeek, the sneaky Montreal based company that is monopolizing the online porn industry. However, if you visit their corporate website, you’d have no idea what they actually do.
[7:55] Having trouble believing porn is such a big industry? Here are some statistics from Forbes magazine. Pornhub is very proud and very public about their numbers. Remember, this is just one website. In 2019, they boasted...
- 42 billion visits to Pornhub
- 115 million visitors a day
- 6.8 million videos were uploaded
- 1.36 million hours of new content (=169 years)
- 98,000 new models (as in, amature porn stars ... these are human beings)
[10:10] Learn about Pornhub’s mission to normalize porn consumption through methods like academic scholarships, attempts to sponsor sports teams, and--of course--advertising. (Did you hear about the outrageous Pornhub billboard on Times Square?) In the end, it’s all about the money.
How is Pornhub targeting our kids? [13:30] Have you witnessed the cuteness overload that is “Baby Yoda” from the hit series Mandalorian? Learn how the Pornhub logo became associated with this tiny tot in a viral meme that normalizes porn use by our children.
[18:45] Gail Dines from Culture Reframed always says “follow the breadcrumb trail of an average 11-year old” to find out what is available to our children online. Remember, there is no age gate on Pornhub. Unfortunately, if our kids aren’t accessing this site, then their friends at school probably are. That is why we need to have open conversations with our kids!
[19:35] How many clicks do you think it takes for a teen to get from SnapChat to Pornhub? Protect Young Eyes tried this experiment with a test phone and posted the results. Listen to find out what they learned.
Related Content: Want to protect your kids while they’re using their devices? Click here to get a FREE 30-day trial of the Bark App, or download Bark at the app store and apply the code MEDIASAVVY at checkout.
[21:00] When we looked at the statistics, most people (83%) were accessing Pornhub on mobile devices. But do you know what device is overlooked as an access portal when it comes to KIDS and porn in the home? It’s actually gaming consoles.
Related content: Tech for the Holidays with Sarah Siegand.
And the stats for Pornhub back this up, too:
“It should be noted that users were accessing Pornhub and watching porn on their game consoles as well. Sony Playstation led the pack with 51.5% of game console traffic … Xbox traffic accounted for 34.7%.” (Forbes)
How can we fight back? [23:15] Tune in for some practical tips that you can apply in your own home!
[26:25] Okay, we’ll give you one spoiler. Many of the solutions to this problem go back to basics, like creating a safe place to talk about ANYTHING with our kids. (Remember our Construction Site episode?)
Related Content: Teens Reveal 8 Ways to Build Up the Courage to Resist Porn
Start a conversation So … now you know what Pornhub is and how it is targeting kids. But what about your friends? Do they know? This week, ask another parent, “Do you know what I learned about PornHub this week?” Have your camera ready, ‘cause you’ll want to capture the look on their face when you say that! ” Or if you’re feeling extra ambitious, bring it up at parent group, like Marilyn did!
Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed the show, please leave a positive review or tell a friend!
Do you have a question? If you have a topic you’d like featured on the show, let us know in the comments or email us at mediasavvymoms@gmail.com. If you’d rather submit your question privately, you can use our Anonymous Feedback/Q&A Form here.
[Image credit: Pornhub statistics, from Fight the New Drug]
How can we work WITH our kids to help create healthy tech boundaries?
Today’s special guest is a mom and a screen time expert who has some practical tools to help us collaborate as a family.
Andrea Davis and her husband, Tyler, live in beautiful Hood River, Oregon. They are the parents of five children: four girls and one boy. Andrea is a former teacher, an outdoor enthusiast, and has been a stay-at-home for almost 15 years. She and Tyler co-created the website, Better Screen Time, where they share positive strategies for screens and technology so parents can worry less and connect more with their kids.
Highlights from this episode:
-When you’re considering how much screen time is appropriate, look around. Take an assessment of what really matters. It’s the relationships and connections we have with family. -Keep an eye on what’s important. Worry less and connect more.
-Pay attention to “stopping cues” when you are on your screens. Consider boundaries for health.
-How do you want to fill the white space in your life? Hopefully with nourishing relationships rather than technology.
-Develop a relationship with kids so that they come to YOU when they are curious about something or have questions. Don’t let the search engine be the default.
-Be proactive when talking to your kids about sex and intimacy.
-Consider the emotional response we have with tech. Try not to use it as a pacifier for ourselves or our children. Consider other healthier alternatives that will help us develop coping skills.
-Develop practical interactive ways to get your kids to build their own tech safety solutions. Getting them involved helps them understand the “why.”
-When you are setting or enforcing boundaries, you might get push-back from your kids--and that’s OK!
Challenge: Download the FREE Quick Guide to Creating a Family-Tech Plan and go over it with your family.
Links/Resources:
Too Much Screen Time? (MSM Podcast)
“Am I Ready for a Personal Device” Self-Evaluation for Teens (Better Screen Time)
Creating a Tech-Healthy Family Online Course (Better Screen Time)
Quick Guide to Creating a Family-Tech Plan (Better Screen Time)
Have you ever wondered what goes on behind the scenes at Media Savvy Moms? Tune in for some fun chatter and silly stories with your favorite co-hosts.
Raising kids in a porn-saturated world is a tough business, and we're here for you. But this week, we're taking a break to put our feet up and get to know each other a little bit.
So, plug in and listen while you're wrapping, baking, prepping for company, or scrambling around. And ...
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
Love,
Melody & Marilyn
(P.S.) This is our Season 1 finale. Stay tuned for a big announcement as we kick off Season 2 in January 2020!
Kid lingo, teenspeak, slang … whatever you wanna call it, we old folks are out of the loop. But what are they saying? Which words are just for fun? And which are cause for concern? Let’s talk about it!
We consider ourselves to be pretty cool parents. But our kids think we’re cringey or a little extra. Wait … are we even using these terms correctly? We are? Groovy! Yeah, we just ruined it, didn’t we? (sigh)
Language is always evolving. But it seems like these days, it’s evolving faster than ever. Add internet, social media, memes, digital devices, texting, and you have a linguistic cocktail that is bound to leave any parent in the dust. And it’s not just teens. Even our elementary-age kids seem to be in the know about slang and “meme culture.” Meanwhile, we are left scratching our heads.
In a world where sexuality and violence have saturated--well--everything, of course they have found their way into our language and slang as well. And so we are left to wonder: Are our kids talking about sexual and/or violent things right under our noses in the code-language of slang and memes? The answer is yes. And no. Okay, the answer is: sometimes.
In reality, we just need to do our best to bridge the gap and create open communication--as always! After all, they are doing their best to figure everything out in this crazy world, just like we are. We love this quote from Netsanity:
“By learning our way around the tricky language of our teens we allow ourselves to not only build a stronger bond with them but also know when they’re in potential danger.” (emphasis added)
So let’s break it down. Today we will be discussing how ...
- We’re not kids anymore (sniffle)
- Some slang can hurt--or indicate distress
-
You can decode kid lingo: Use these tools!
-
WE’RE NOT KIDS ANYMORE, WE’RE GETTING OLD
-Can we even keep up? Slang is ever-evolving.
-We’ve got so many stories about being on the outside of the conversation, we really don’t know where to start! LOL
-Marilyn has a thread going with her kids on facebook messenger, and they know that her default response to their memes is a crying emoji -- “That means I’m clueless,” she says.
-Why do kids use slang and codes? (1) to be sneaky, (2) to create their own identity or fit into social groups, (3) to express their independence.
-Kids use codes to communicate with each other: text, slang, emojis.
-Recently there has been a shift to more visual forms of communication between kids like memes and gifs (not so text heavy).
-”Meme culture” is now a thing. Kids speak in memes. They tell us, “You don’t even have to see it to know what they’re talking about.” (i.e., You’ve been “Rick Rolled.” Google definition: On the Internet, a RickRoll is a prank where a visitor who clicks on a specific link is intentionally misdirected to a video of pop star Rick Astley's hit "Never Gonna Give You Up.")
- SOME SLANG CAN HURT--OR INDICATE DISTRESS
-The old adage, “sticks and stones will break my bones, but words can never hurt me,” just isn’t true!
-Words can hurt feelings and put our kids at risk.
-We need to watch out for our kids and their friends using reckless language and be aware about when slang perpetuates sexual objectification. (See list below and tools in section 3.)
-Teach kids to think about the language they use and memes they share.
-Teach kids to avoid brutal/racist/derogatory slang, and teach them the reasons WHY.
Related: Survival Instincts: The New Language of Tween Girls (ParentsAware)
-Some kids are purposely modifying words or using language that evades filters so they can discuss violent or sexual topics online (like hooking up or suicide).
-We need to teach our kids to be critical thinkers.
-Here are some specific categories we need to watch out for when it comes to slang and language/conversation in general:
- Racism. Sometimes kids use racial slurs as a term of endearment, or tease each other with reference to race. Teach them this is not okay.
- “wordporn” - beautiful handwriting (or anything-”porn” to describe things that are highly desirable or beautiful)
- TV shows with titles like “Pawn Stars” (which is about a pawn shop) or “Chasing Tail” (which is about deer hunting) that have nothing to do with sexual content but are using sex in the title to get people’s attention.
- “pimped out” - added accessories to make it look cooler (i.e., he “pimped out” his ride with a new paint job, big speakers and chrome wheels)
- “ear-rape” - terrible music that you hate (or anything-”rape” for things that bother you or are unpleasant
- Sex. We have heard so many trends that tie sexual content into the mainstream, and it is really disturbing. We need to keep the humanity in these terms and not allow ourselves (or our kids) to become desensitized to their real meaning. Here are some specific examples:
- Drugs. Sometimes mainstream terms have their roots in drug culture, but no longer reflect that reference. These terms might not always be directly dangerous, but we need to be alert and teach our kids to think critically about why they are using these words. (i.e. Kids use the word “dank” to mean “cool,” or we might say “my brain is fried” because we are worn out, but both of these are actually references to marijuana.)
- “Deathpacito” - a pop culture reference to the song “Despacito” which is the Spanish word for “slowly”; essentially “deathpacito” is slang for “killing yourself slowly” and is often used by kids on public forums and through text because it is not a real word, and therefore not flagged by filters and parental controls
- “Ana” and “Thinsp” - references to anorexia and eating disorders
- “Sue” - suicide
- Self-harm. Kids might be texting or posting with reference to suicide as a cry for help. Or, even worse, some kids receive cyberbullying attacks where peers encourage them to kill themselves. Here are some terms to watch out for that are all references to suicide and self-harm:
- Dark humor. Kids will sometimes use insults or derogatory names in an effort to be funny or because they are “just teasing.” Also, kids can become a “different person online.” Teach them that these things are not okay. Talk about these subjects openly. Teach them that there is always a real person on the other side of the conversation and/or on the other side of the computer screen. Teach them to put themselves in the other person’s shoes.
III. YOU CAN DECODE KID LINGO: USE THESE TOOLS!
-Language will continue to grow and change, and before you know it, the things we are talking about right now will be outdated! Even this show is only one point in time. For that reason, we want to teach you about techniques and tools to deal with these issues, rather than only giving you long lists of slang words and what they mean.
-Here are some specific suggestions:
- Ask your kids. If you hear a word--or see a meme--and don’t know what it means, ask the experts: your children! Kids like to feel important--like we’re interested in their life, and they LOVE IT when they know things we don’t. Remember, we always want to create a safe place, like a Construction Site, where we can talk to our kids about anything! And that includes crazy kid lingo. :)
- Start a family group text. Create a thread wherever your family hangs out: on a text message, in a facebook chat, etc. Communicate regularly. Share funny stuff and serious stuff. Take selfies. LOL together. Share memes and gifs. Use it for “show and tell.”
- Follow “Ye Olde Speak.” Bark has a hilarious series on their blog and social media where they post about teen slang and define different words on a regular basis. It will keep you laughing and get you in the loop at the same time!
- Post a question in the Parenting in a Tech World facebook group. This private forum, also hosted by Bark, is a fabulous place to ask all your questions about raising the digital generation. We are in this group, along with more than 50 thousand other parents and members of the staff from Bark. Usually, when we post questions, people start replying within just a few minutes! Let’s all figure out this stuff together.
(Related: Want to protect your kids on social media? Try a 30-day FREE trial of the Bark app!)
- Do a Google search. If you are curious about a specific slang word, you can always Google it. Or, if you want a list of slang terms, we have found some of the most effective search terms to be: “slang dictionary for parents” or “teenage slang words 2019” (insert the current year).
- Check out our link list. Want results right now? Explore some of the links below.
Challenge: Learn a new slang term, and use it in a sentence when you’re talking to your kids. Then let us know how it goes! Email us at mediasavvymoms@gmail.com or share on social media. Come find Media Savvy Moms on facebook or Instagram.
Links/Resources:
Urban Dictionary - a crowdsourced online dictionary for slang words and phrases (warning: some definitions might be vulgar and/or contain profanity)
Teen Slang Guide - Netsanity (updated for 2019)
The Teen Slang Dictionary for Parents - Very Well Family (updated Oct 2019)
17 slang words teens are using in 2019, and what they mean - Business Insider (Aug 2019)
Get hip to all the slang words and phrases your kids are using and what they mean, okurrr - USA Today (Feb 2019)
Parent Guide: Teen Slang Through the Ages - Bark (Jan 2019)
'It's lit': The ultimate guide to decoding your teen's text and speak - USA Today (Aug 2018)
Parents, Do You Know the Most Common Emojis Used in Sexting? - Educate and Empower Kids
Translating Slang for Parents (+ Text Codes) - Educate and Empower Kids
Parent Dictionary: Porn-Specific Search Engine Terms - Educate and Empower Kids
Does your family love to give and receive tech, devices, and media over the holidays? Are these things SAFE? What do you need to to consider before shopping? Tune in and find out!
Want to feel more educated when you’re shopping for tech? Not sure what’s safe for your kids--or how to make it safe? We know the feeling. We’re moms too. It seems like we’ve just gotten all our screens and devices figured out and protected … and then the holidays come around. Time to add more to the pile! And more to figure out! Ahhh!
That’s why we invited expert Sarah Siegand, co-founder of Parents Who Fight, to the show! So let’s chat. Get some tips. When those kiddos rip open their presents and pull out their new games and devices, we want you to feel confident that you’ve done your homework and everything is under control. This episode is a great place to start!
Sarah Siegand is a mom of two boys living in Nashville, TN. In 2015, she and her husband Jesse launched a grass-roots campaign in their community called Parents Who Fight, which holds education workshops at schools, churches, and community groups to help parents learn how they can better protect kids online. They also do in-home consultations helping families install filters and controls on all their devices.
Highlights from this episode:
-If you are considering buying your children tech, first research if the device is compatible with your family’s tech safety goals. (Caution: “on sale” can also mean out-of-date and possibly not supported by your monitoring software, like Bark or Mobicip.)
-Ask questions. Talk to real parents. Use parent groups on facebook to get answers, like the Parenting in a Tech World group we referenced in our interview with Titania Jordan from Bark.
-Take the tech out of the packaging. Set up your controls before you wrap it up as a gift.
-Be clear about your expectations (boundaries) in regards to tech over the holidays. Be mindful of unsupervised time and visits to extended family of different tech rules.
-”Instead of focusing so much on what kind of device to buy your child this holiday season, ask yourself if you’re ready to teach your kid how to use it well and to monitor the device regularly.” —Chris Mckenna, Protect Young Eyes
-Protect your kids with the Bark app! It scans all their devices and social media accounts and warns you about any dangerous content, just like a little guard dog on duty 24/7. Click here to sign up for a free 30-day trial (or go to the app store and use the code MEDIASAVVY at checkout).
Challenge:
Pick one device on your child’s wish list and research how to enable parental controls by Googling it or checking the step-by-step guide at Protect Young Eyes.
Links/Resources:
A Parent’s Guide to Holiday Tech Purchases - article from Protect Young Eyes
Parental Controls for Every Digital Device - guide from Protect Young Eyes
Common Sense Media - website for parent reviews on video games and other media
Parenting a Tech World Facebook Group - facilitated by Bark
You Have Options: Alternatives for Cell Phones - article by Parents Who Fight
Do you believe you can change the world in just 10 minutes? This mom does! Find out how she is rocking her neck of the woods when it comes to legislative change and pornography. Want to get involved too? It might be easier than you think.
Melissa Blair is a mother of three, blogger, speaker, and activist. She is also founder of Campaign for a Porn-free Childhood, which advocates for Congress to initiate laws allowing parents and guardians the right to protect minors from pornography and indecent internet material. Melissa has actively pushed for changes in public policy in Texas and Arkansas, spent time on Capitol Hill, and visited personally with many of her local legislators and constituents. She is also the state director for Texas and National Projects Director for the National Decency Coalition.
The National Decency Coalition is an organization dedicated to making America aware of the dangers of pornography and the public health crisis surrounding the use of pornography. They work to pass state and federal resolutions and legislation which will help decrease easy access to pornography in all its forms.
Highlights from this episode:
-At the root of public policy, this is about real people. It is about protecting our children.
-We need to share our stories. We can’t be closed and clinical.
-Getting involved in the legislative process is easier than you think. Start local. Your representatives will be invested in what you are worried about because YOU are the voters, and they want to be re-elected.
-Gather your voices. Create a stir and the government will start to hear your concerns, and they will listen.
-Be willing to get involved beyond public policy. Pornography is a 600 layered blanket--it’s not a 1 layered solution.
Challenge:
3 THINGS YOU CAN DO IN 10 MINUTES TODAY:
1) Find out where your local government stands (For US, look up your state at nationaldecencycoalition.org)
2) Find your local policy makers (For US, Contact Your Elected Officials at usa.gov; For Canada, Find Your Members of Parliament at ourcommons.ca)
3) Send an email. Ask them what happens next. They will call—do not be intimidated. (See sample email that you can cut and paste below.)
AND THEN AFTERWARD: Spread the word. Ask others to do the same. Make it easy. Include links and copy-and-paste content.
Links/Resources:
The Beginner’s Guide to Changing the World: 7 Tips on Creating Legislative Change (article)
Citizen's Handbook to Influencing Elected Officials: Citizen Advocacy in State Legislatures and Congress: A Guide for Citizen Lobbyists and Grassroots (book)
Talking Points About Pornography - National Center on Sexual Exploitation
Sample email:
Below is a message that you can copy and paste when you email your local officials. (Just edit the portions within the brackets to suit your needs.) Dear [name of representative]: I am writing to you as a concerned parent. We need your help protect our children from the crisis of pornography. As of today, [your city/state/territory/province] is falling behind in this fight. Meanwhile pornography is fueling human trafficking, child sexual abuse, compulsive sexual behavior, sexual dysfunction, campus sexual assault, military sexual assault, prostitution and objectification at global epidemic levels. Many other legislative bodies have taken aggressive action, recognizing pornography as a public health crisis, and taking measures to help. But what are we doing in [city/state/territory/province]? Our reputation, responsibility and future is at stake here. As a proud [Texan, American, Canadian], we are imploring legislators who have taken up honorable positions to uphold the integrity of their office by taking a stand to protect our most vulnerable. [If your local government is considering a specific piece of legislation, such as the "Pornography: a Public Health Crisis" Resolution in Texas, then this would be a good place to include a plea to support it, and a description about what that legislation would include. For example: We are asking you to help declare Texas as supporting the "Pornography: a Public Health Crisis" Resolution. The resolution recognizes many levels of pornography’s harmful effects on individuals and society and declares the need for education, research, prevention, and policy change. The 2018 edition calls upon state District Attorneys and the Department of Justice to enforce federal obscenity laws and Congress to address the crisis problem of children accessing pornography on the Internet.] We will be the first to fight for children in the digital age. Will you please stand with us and help protect America’s future? Sincerely,
Could my daughter be struggling with pornography? Isn’t porn a ‘boy’ problem? If she is struggling, how do I talk to her about it?
What kind of person comes to mind when you hear the term “porn addiction”? Man or woman? Boy or girl? Old or young? The truth is … any and ALL of these categories can be affected by pornography addiction. Society typically refers to porn as a “guy thing” or a “guy problem,” but this is a myth.
Over the years, we’ve been amazed (and frankly a little discouraged) by the number of people who still believe that porn is a “guy problem.” We’ve heard about households that have different rules for devices for their sons and daughters. And one parent actually approached Marilyn after a presentation and told her straight out that he didn’t believe it’s possible for girls to have a problem with pornography.
As parents, we need to understand that our daughters are just as susceptible to the dangers of pornography as our sons. Girls can struggle too! And that does NOT make them abnormal. The best thing we can do for our girls is to provide them with a safe place to talk about pornography and addiction. If they need help, we need them to know that they have a space where they will be heard, loved, and understood, and NEVER shamed or dismissed because “porn is a guy problem.”
It’s time to get real. Girls struggle with porn too. Let’s talk about it! 1. Remove the shame 2. Why do girls look? 3. How to talk to your daughter
I. REMOVE THE SHAME -The stereotype as a “guy problem” makes girls who struggle feel even worse: they might feel like “a freak” or “something is wrong with me” if they struggle with sexual addiction.
-“When I was eventually caught in college, the dean of students looked at me and said, ‘We know this wasn’t you. Women just don’t have this problem.’” (Jessica Harris)
-Statistics:
According to a Barna study, one in five women ages 13 and older comes across porn weekly.
According to Covenant Eyes, 60% of girls are exposed to pornography by the age of 18,
18% of young adult women use porn at least once a week,
71% of teenagers hide their online activities from their parents.
-Porn is designed to attract both men and women. We are human. We are sexual. We are wired to be drawn to pornography.
-We don’t want to normalize porn, but we want our listeners to understand that females are not somehow immune from being attracted to porn simply because they are female.
-In fact, the industry is now targeting women:
“The porn industry has been going after men and children for decades. In recent years, they have been seeking women. The industry knows if they can infiltrate women, including mothers, there will be no more opposition to the business.” (Jessica Harris)
II. WHY DO GIRLS LOOK? -Sometimes girls have been abused; sometimes not.
-Some media is created specifically for girls to arouse sexual feelings, like erotica.
-One definition of pornography is anything depicted in pictures, video, writing, or any other media that is intended to inappropriately arouse sexual feelings.
-Where is the line with media that arouses sexual feelings? Examples: Fifty Shades of Grey (erotica) and other “romance novels,” TV dramas and “soap operas” (novelas), sex scenes in movies, anime.
-“The Fifty Shades of Grey book series and film franchise cultivates and normalizes rape myths, psychological grooming for abuse, and sexual violence. In the age of #MeToo, the messages of Fifty Shades are not only in poor taste, they are socially irresponsible.” (National Center on Sexual Exploitation)
-Differences between men and women means they’ll likely be attracted to porn for different reasons.
-Women play the comparison game. We want connection.
-Girls are looking for a way to define themselves -- this is especially dangerous with porn because the images are so unhealthy, skewed and unrealistic
III. HOW TO TALK TO YOUR DAUGHTER -Some parents have different rules in the house (for screens and cell phones) for their sons and for their daughters--don’t fall into this trap!
-Here are some guidelines to help you talk to your girls:
- Read personal stories from recovering women and parents who have also struggled with female addiction. Some examples we recommend are Jessica Harris, Crystal Renaud, and Lacy Bentley. See “Resources Especially for Girls” below for more information about their work and others.
- Acknowledge the fact that girls struggle with this problem. Provide a Construction Site (a safe place in your home and family where you can talk about anything--including female addiction) and support your girls!
- Be protective not accusatory when you’re talking to your daughter. Remember, we’re on the same team. Porn is the enemy--not each other!
-Don’t assume your daughter isn’t curious about sex. Access to information is everywhere!
-“Parenting Mistake! 3 Words That Could Shame Your Daughter by Jessica Harris (Protect Young Minds) : “not my daughter” (Jessica Harris)
-Here are some ideas to help you bring up pornography with your daughter in a non-threatening way:
- ”Guess what I heard … “ Put it in third person. Talk about another family (or even a news article) and how pornography came into the picture. Then ask what your daughter thinks about the topic.
- ”Tell me about it …” Treat your daughter like she is the expert. Our kids LOVE to feel like they know more than we do. Use that! Rather than lecturing, ask her what she knows about pornography. Then listen.
- ”Something crazy happened to me the other day …“ Tell your daughter about how you bumped into porn by accident. (Parents: Hasn’t this ever happened to you? You think you’re clicking on something innocent and BAM! Pornography!) Then ask your daughter, “Has that ever happened to you?”
Challenge: Check out one of the personal stories or articles on female addiction in the links below. Related Links & Articles: “Raising Strong Girls in Today’s Porn-saturated Culture” (ParentsAware)
“Porn addiction is not just a “boys’ problem” anymore” by Lacy Bentley (Educate and Empower Kids)
“When You Catch Your Daughter …” by Jessica Harris (Educate and Empower Kids)
“Parenting Mistake! 3 Words That Could Shame Your Daughter by Jessica Harris (Protect Young Minds)
“Dads Kill Porn” by Tim Rarick, PhD
Talking with Our Daughters about Masturbation by Dina Alexander (Educate and Empower Kids)
My Daughter, the Porn Addict: Four Tips to Help Your Child Through A Porn Addiction by Haley Hawks (Educate and Empower Kids)
“How My 14-Year-Old Daughter’s Experience With Porn Brought Us Closer Than Ever” (Fight the New Drug)
Resources Especially for Girls: Coaching Session with Lacy Bentley (Free 30-min session for our listeners)
SPECIAL OFFER: Do you have a daughter who is struggling with addiction? Or know a woman who may be suffering? Lacy Bentley,author, speaker and women’s recovery coach, is offering a free 30-minute coaching session exclusively for our listeners. Simply click on the link to sign up for your slot: https://calendly.com/lacybentley/savvy
REAL Love Tribe on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/groups/reallovetribe/)
An open forum for discussion about love after addiction, trauma, and those who are seeking to connect more deeply. Facilitated by Lacy Bentley, author, speaker and women’s recovery coach.
Beggar’s Daughter (https://beggarsdaughter.com)
Jessica Harris, porn addiction that started when she stumbled on porn at age 13. “When I was eventually caught in college, the dean of students looked at me and said, ‘We know this wasn’t you. Women just don’t have this problem.’” Dropped out of school, tried to become a porn star, has now devoted her life to telling her story, helping other women, and changing the conversation about female porn addiction.
Dirty Girls Ministries (https://dgmcommunity.com/)
Crystal Renaud, addicted to porn as a young girl, tells her story. DGM offers online recovery groups, online community, accountability, and a coaching/consulting network for churches and individual women.
Christian Women and Porn (http://www.christianwomenandporn.com/)
Their book, “Christian Woman’s Guide to Breaking Free From Pornography,” and a free download of their 30-page eBook, “The Misery of Porn and the Joy of Purity.”
The Grace Spot (https://thegracespot.com/)
Free ebook “Restored” coming soon. Sign up on their website. The Grace Spot exists to educate all people on the reality of female pornography use and to break the stigma that only men struggle with this issue. Links to support groups (live and remote), filtering software articles and tips to help overcome female addiction.
With so many different levels of anime intertwined with our pop culture, where do we draw the line with our kids? How do we keep them safe?
Pokemon. Digimon. Manga. Hentai. All of these things are considered “anime” … but what should we allow in our homes? Does “innocent” content lead our kids into darker places? How slippery is the slope? How do we have these conversations with our kids? Lacy Bentley is an expert on these issues, starting out as an anime-obsessed teen girl herself, and now working as a coach, mother, author, and activist who teaches parents how to keep their families safe! Join us as we tackle this tricky topic together and unravel many of the mysteries of anime.
Lacy Bentley is a women's recovery coach, international best selling author, and mom of 4 boys. She feels parents are the ultimate defense between kids and the harms of porn and Hentai. Lacy has a special offer you don’t want to miss! Check out the details below.
For MSM Listeners: Free one-on-one coaching session with Lacy. Are you struggling with anime issues at your house? Not sure what to do? Lacy is offering a free 30-minute coaching session exclusively to our listeners. Simply click on the link to sign up for your slot: https://calendly.com/lacybentley/savvy
Highlights from this episode:
-There is a difference between cartoons that have sexualized characters and anime that can turn quickly into pornographic content (Hentai). We need to teach our kids how to be alert and discerning when it comes to ANY sexualized content--in anime and everywhere!
-When we notice sexualized content in cartoons (for instance, a sexy girl on Pokemon, or a boy’s eyes bugging out of his head when he sees a pretty girl) we can take the opportunity to talk to our kids. Take the time to teach kids the difference between healthy relationships and what they see in the media.
-Try to lay down boundaries with your kids about what it is and is not ok without destroying the relationship.
-Let your kids be the teachers. They love to feel important! Ask them questions about things you don’t understand, and they will be more than happy to show you how smart they are. This is a great way to build your relationship, and you’ll also learn what you want to know. (Kids are way cooler than Google! Talk to them.)
-Praise your kids when they do self-regulate.
-Understand that anime is saturated in our culture and cannot reasonably be avoided altogether. Know the spectrum.
-Some forms of anime, like manga (Japanese comics), actually have a rating system. Look on the cover for the rating, and know that “T” for teen and “OT” for older teen lean towards adult content.
-Be aware: When our kids are allowed to cross age barriers in media--like anime--adult content and inappropriate behavior is likely to cross over into real life.
-Here is a (very small!) list of some of the anime terms that have found their way into popular culture. For more terms and their definitions, follow the links at the bottom of our show notes.
- Hentai - Anime porn (Japanese word for “pervert”)
- Wifu/Husbando - Anime characters on pillows
- Chibi - Small and cute
- Senpai - A lover, usually older and often a mentor
- Yandere - A homicidal (crazed) lover
- Tsundere - Someone who is originally mean, but ends up being sweet
- Baka - Dummy. Idiot. Stupid. “Baka!”
- Manga - Japanese comics
- Yaoi/Yuri - Manga with homosexual love stories
- Weeaboo - “Weeb” A non-Japanese person who is obsessed with Japan or Japanese things
- Cosplay - “Costume play” Dressing up like anime characters
- Loli - Young, innocent (usually female) characters
- Ecchi - playfully sexual, dirty humor (panty shots, nosebleeds, perverted situations)
Challenge: Create a “do-want” list for healthy sexuality as a family. (Instead of concentrating on the negative--what you don’t want--focus on what you “do want.”)
Links/Resources:
Five Things Kids Need Parents to Know About Anime (article)
Your Anime Vocabulary Starter Guide (article)
A Glossary Of Anime Terms You Really Have To Know To Be An Otaku (article)
What are the age ratings in manga?
What did you do when your child confided in you that they had seen porn? If you freaked out and lost it, then congratulations--you’re human! Here’s how to move forward after that initial parenting fail.
We all want to be that perfect parent. The cool one. The one with a plan and a checklist. The one who hears bad news--like the fact that our child has seen pornography--and remains calm, then moves forward with a perfectly executed healthy conversation. But this is real life. And it doesn’t always turn out that way.
In reality, when we find pornography (or a child looking at pornography) in our home, feelings of shock, horror, anger, fear, sadness, betrayal are totally normal responses. So let’s not berate ourselves if we cried, yelled or mauled our child with the biggest protective bear hug in the heat of the moment.
Today we will be discussing 3 tips to help you move forward after the initial panic:
- Pause and reflect
- Mend the relationship
-
Hate the porn, love the child
-
PAUSE AND REFLECT
-It’s ok to pull back, have space, and think for a minute.
-Take your time--maybe even 24 hours--before addressing the subject. Just like Kristen Jenson said on a previous episode (A S.M.A.R.T. Plan for Parents), not everything has to be solved in the moment.
-It’s natural to want to cut off our children’s access to technology--wherever they accessed the pornography. But make sure you treat this is a short-term solution (non-punitive). In the long-term, we need to plan together for more lasting results.
-Once you’ve discovered your child has a problem with porn, what’s your next step? Is it simply to prevent them from looking again? Or do you want them to understand why pornography is dangerous...
-Focus on moving forward. Dwelling on past mistakes is harmful.
-Ask yourself WHY it’s important not to look at porn (make your own list). For example, in our Bad Advice About Pornography episode, we gave these three reasons:
- Porn is like a drug
- Porn exploits human beings
-
Porn is an illusion
-
MEND THE RELATIONSHIP
-It’s ok to admit you made a mistake, apologize for panicking, go back and try again.
-You don’t have to be perfect.
-Your children will appreciate the fact that you are human and will learn that it is ok for them to be human too.
-There is so much mom guilt/parent guilt -- don’t give in!
-Give yourself a little credit -- just the fact that you’re listening to our show demonstrates that you care, and that is HUGE!
-Listen more, talk less (pause, don’t lecture).
-Talk for as long as your child is willing.
-Remain positive.
-Ask to follow up and revisit the conversation in a few days.
III. HATE THE PORN, LOVE THE CHILD
-Remember that ‘love conquers all.’
-Take some advice from our friends at NextTalk - “Default to love.”
-With love, trust grows, and doors open.
-Be patient with yourself and your child.
-Understand that there will be setbacks. Especially with porn repeat offenses are common--this does not mean that you are failing!
-Discuss strategies together that can improve your child’s success.
-Remember that ultimately you can’t control your child’s actions--their desire to avoid porn has to come from within.
-Be prepared to stand by your child in recovery as long as it takes, whether it’s a few months or a few years.
Challenge: Share this episode on social media. You never know who needs to hear this message.
Links/Resources:
I Panicked When My Child Confided in Me About Porn, Now What? (article)