Too Weird Didn't Watch: Recent Episodes
Albert Berg
Al and Brantley make up stories about bad movies they have no intention of seeing, based on nothing but their IMDB descriptions.
The popular Venom character isn't venomous, or even poisonous for that matter. What's up with that?
We think that maybe the fact that there is a Crocodile in a movie called Krocodylus might be a spoiler, but there's no way to know for sure.
Brantley reads the description of a movie that references William Blake, but ends up not even living up to Tiger King.
The podcast of Albert Berg and Brantley Heaton. They are talking about the poorly written description of movie.
Brantley tells the tale of the monster from Crater Lake. It's plesiosaur which is not technically a dinosaur; fortunately no one would be pedantic enough to point that out to people who just want to have fun watching big animals eat people. Right?
House of Ghosts, The Giant Spider, The Late Night Double Feature, Danny Johnson Saves the World, Weresquito: Nazi Hunter, Demon with the Atomic Brain, Guns of the Apocalypse, Queen of the Snakes.
The Monster of Phantom Lake, It Came from Another World, Cave Women on Mars, Terror from Beneath the Earth, Destination Outer Space, Attack of the Moon Zombies.
Also some nonsense about Gamera and spoilers for a 500 year old fairy tale called The Green Knight.
Raw Force 1982
Three intrepid martial artists (Geoff Binney, John Dresden, John Locke) plan to relieve some stress and enjoy a jaunty vacation by joining a lovely singles cruise to the islands located by the South China Sea. Unwittingly, the crew aboard this luxurious liner manned by a loquacious skipper (Cameron Mitchell) and his strident, pessimistic wisecracking "partner," Hazel Buck (Hope Holiday) is lured into an oblivious locale known as the "Warriors Island." What's even worse, this seemingly taciturn location is inhabited by a sect of hungry monks who crave the flesh of the living virgins. As well, the Warriors Island contains the burial ground of many of history's most violent and notorious martial artists who have been condemned for their dearth of honor. To escalate the quandary even further, these avaricious monks, never satiated with enough fresh and blood, plan to use their black magic to raise the living dead and create an army of indomitable killing machines...
Besides encountering piranhas and zombies and maniacal, cannibalistic monks, Mitchell's crew must contend with yet another antagonist, Dr. Speer (Ralph Lombardi), who speaks with a very horrendous (and probably fabricated) German accent. The three main martial artists have only their wits (as always) and their athletic prowess against a multitude of flesh eating zombie martial arts experts. The distressed characters must escape this island before their nightmarish scenarios end with...just their deserts...
Gang Wars aka Devil's Express 1976
A no-nonsense African-American cop, Warhawk Tanzania, who also happens to be a martial arts master, tries to put an end to a brutal gang war that's raging in the streets of New York. Eventually, he also discovers that they aren't his only problem, since an actual demon has been accidentally released by a maintenance worker and is now attacking and killing people in the subway tunnels.
Monster babies. They're not the most common monster, but they do get around. We've encountered them before on this very show with the Basket Case series. The It's Alive movies explored the topic of monster babies up until the point where it had monster babies reproducing on their own monster baby island. That's probably enough monster baby action to last you for the rest of your life.
Al and Brantley make fun of movies they haven't seen based only on their weird IMDB descriptions. This weeks movies include Velocipastor, Devil on the Mountain, Field Freak, and Eyes of Fire
Jacinto Molina Álvarez holds the record for starring in the most werrewolf movies, even surpassing Lon Chaney Jr. We dig into his filmography, including maybe some movies he just straight made up.
Jacinto Molina Álvarez holds the record for starring in the most werrewolf movies, even surpassing Lon Chaney Jr. We dig into his filmography, including maybe some movies he just straight made up.
You know the drill people. We make fun of movies we haven't seen. This week, movies with fish people (mostly).
City Beneath the Sea. It's the most drab movie title you could come up with for the idea of an underwater urban area, and YET we as a civilization have somehow pumped out FOUR movies with this uttlery inane title. We haven't seen any of them, but we sure do talk about their descriptions.
From The Rock to someone apparently called "Big Country" Nelson. (We assume Mr. Nelson isn't from Liechtenstein.
Al and Brantley make fun of movies (and sometimes shows!) that they haven't seen based on nothing but their weird descriptions. Today Brantley continues his habit of digging up obscure TV properties based on the classic Universal Monsters with Monster Squad. Yes, this is different than Drak Pack AND Monster Force.
CHRISTMAS! It's the most wonderful time of the year to talk about the most formulaic movies of the year, smaltzy Christmas romance movies. As per usual we have seen none of these movies. We're judging them on their very weird IMDB descriptions and nothing more.
It's our 100th episode! We're only covering one movie this week, and it's Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror, an Italian zombie movie that goes some REALLY weird places. Enjoy! And thanks for listening.
Al and Brantley make fun of movies they haven't seen based on nothing but their weird descriptions. This week Brantley reads us a passel of alien encounter movies.
Al and Brantley make fun of movies they haven't seen based on nothing but their bizarre descriptions. This weeks movies include Japanese werewolf series Kibakichis 1 and 2 and a direct to video American horror movie Ouija House.
Al and Brantley make fun of movies they haven't seen based on their weird user generated descriptions. This weeks movies are all about giant pigs! They include Chaw, Pig Hunt, Hogzilla, Prey, and Razorback.
If you really loved me you wouldn't want me to have to write a description for this podcast.
Al and Brantley take on movies they haven't seen based on nothing but their weird descriptions. This week's movies are all from the Art of War series. Sometimes it stars Wesley Snipes, sometimes Wesley Snipes is in prison for tax evasion and the movie stars some random guy from a band we've never heard of.
Al and Brantley make fun of movies they haven't seen based on nothing but their weird descriptions. This weeks movies are Monster Dog, Hands of the Ripper, and Slugs.
Albert and Brantley make fun of movies they haven't seen based on nothing more than their odd descriptions. This week's movies include: The Mildew from the Planet Xonader, Nereus (aka The Complex), Jaws 19, and Lake Placid Legacy.
Santa Jaws
Trying to survive the family Christmas, Cody makes a wish to be alone, which ends up backfiring when a shark manifests and kills his entire family…
Megalodon
A military vessel on the search for an unidentified submersible finds themselves face to face with a giant shark, forced to use only what they have on board to defend themselves from the monstrous beast.
The Last Sharknado: It's About Time
Fin must unlock the time-traveling power of the Sharknados in order to save the world.
Frenzy
In the aftermath of a plane crash, a woman fights to survive a school of killer sharks.
Nightmare Shark
The Curse 1987
A meteorite crashes on the farm of the severely dysfunctional Hayes family. The Hayes family are a really messed-up bunch: stern fire-and-brimstone religious zealot patriarch Nathan (essayed with eye-rolling hammy brio by Claude Akins), his smart, but unhappy foster son Zack (a likable performance by Will Wheaton), lusty, faithless, frustrated wife Frances (a deliciously histrionic Kathleen Jordon Gregory), crude, browbeating, moronic son Cyrus (a perfectly hateful Malcom Danare), and cute little daughter Alice (the adorable Amy Wheaton). Some gunk from the meteorite contaminates the water. Pretty soon the crops, animals and even several members of the Hayes family begin to mutate in various disgusting and disturbing ways. Zack must save Alice from his now monstrous and dangerous family.
The Curse 2: The Bite (aka The Farm) 1989
Traveling to Bakersfield, California, Lisa Snipes, (Jill Schoelen) and her boyfriend Clark Newman, (J. Eddie Peck) are warned away from going there but decide on a shortcut to get there. Along the shortcut, they come across a horde of snakes in the road, and getting back to a hotel, he gets bitten. A fellow proprietor, Harry Morton, (Jaime Farr) offers an antidote and they leave, only for him to discover later on that it was a mutated snake which was responsible and races off to find them. While chasing them down, he begins to mutate into a deadly creature from his hand and refuses to have anyone do anything with it. Taking matters into his own hands, he goes on the run and tries to get away, only for the snake to return and force a final showdown.
The Curse 3: Blood Sacrifice (aka Panga) 1991
In Africa, an English Sugar Cane Plantation owner's pregnant American wife is cursed for her sister's stopping the tribal sacrifice of a goat. Dr. Pearson (Christopher Lee), a raspy-voiced doctor with asthma, who also has ties to the witchdoctor, attends to the medical needs of his neighboring locals.
The ceremony interrupted, the blood sacrifice removed, a summoned monster from the sea might just wreak havoc on them all.
The Curse 4: The Ultimate Sacrifice (aka Catacombs)
The plot involves a monastery in Italy. The film opens during the middle ages actually. We see some monks trying to perform an exorcism on this very decrepit looking man. One of the monks ends up getting possessed, but the keep the evil at bay by sealing the room with some kind of holy seal/symbol. It then goes into modern day. Where a young girl who is studying to be a teacher for a religious school goes to the monastery to learn some more things about the holy church. Some weird things go on and a lot of the monks, especially this crazy, but very religiously devout one, blame it on her, calling her evil and unclean. It turns out the possessed man in the basement was more than just a possessed person, but is actually The Beast Of The Apocalypse, THE ANTICHRIST HIMSELF!!
I don't know if anyone ever actually reads these descriptions, but we do the thing we always do with the movie descriptions. This week we cover Something in the Dark, Mutants, Zingy the Swamp Boy, and Cruel Jaws.
Mutants 2008
The greedy Braylon owns the Just Rite Sugar Company and has hired the unethical scientist Sergei to conduct an experiment to make an addictive sugar stronger than heroin or nicotine to increase his sales. Sergei uses invisible people as test subjects, like beggars, addicted junkies and illegals, in the clandestine Shadow Rock Mill. When Braylon's men mistakenly kidnap Ryan, who is the brother of his secretary Erin and son of his security chief Griff, and Hannah, the youngster becomes an important non-contaminated subject. However, Erin receives some mysterious e-mails from the unknown Cinderella with a picture of Ryan and a hint that he might be in Shadow Rock and together with her father, they decide to seek out Ryan.
Zindy the Swamp Boy 1973
Zindy and his grandfather live in the swamp because Gramps killed a mobster and he's wanted by the law. Zindy's parents are also dead.. His only friends are a chimpanzee (native to Africa) and a pet tarantula. His main foil is a hungry puma (native to Florida!). After endless scenes of walking through the glades and paddling through the swamp, Zindy's grandfather dies a horrible death in quicksand and Zindy is mauled to death by the puma.
Something in the Dark 2018
A supernatural thriller, Something in the Dark is about a pair of mysterious eyewear that allow a blind woman to see ghosts. But since they let her see real people as well, she is unable to distinguish between the living and the dead. She soon glimpses Death itself stalking her and must discover why it has come for her.
Cruel Jaws 1995
A tiger shark bred by the Navy as a killing machine is wreaking havoc in the sleepy tourist town of Hampton Bay. Days before the annual Regatta celebration, the townspeople are faced with financial ruin if something isn't done about their newfound shark problem. If that wasn't enough, the owners of the local amusement park have been subject to a hostile takeover from a prospective businessman looking to cash in on their prized property. It's up to the sheriff, the park's owner, and a shark expert to head out and destroy the killing fish before the summer economy is slashed and the park is left for the bulldozer.
Hotel Inferno (2013)
The contract killer Frank Zimosa has just been hired for a ridiculously lucrative mission by the rich and powerful Jorge Mistrandia. The objective: to kill a couple of people hiding in one of his European hotels. What would look like one of the simplest jobs Frank has ever had is just about to turn into a living nightmare. He will soon realize he's nothing more than prey for Mistrandia and his army of crazy henchmen that have hiding in the hotel along with an ancient and unstoppable Horror. In their hotels you can only rent rooms....in Hell! See everything through the eyes of the Anti-Hero Frank Zimosa and boost your mind with an overdose of: nonstop violence, adrenaline, and pure fear, surrounded in a mysterious, deep and twisted story. You won't just watch it, you will experience it.
Hotel Inferno 2: The Cathedral of Pain (2017)
You, Frank Zimosa, are dead - brutally killed by the Mistandrian Cultists and trapped in the nightmarish Hotel Inferno: a special layer of Hell where demons co-exist with cultists, providing them dark, forbidden knowledge in exchange for endless pain and suffering. Alongside another tormented soul, trapped in the inferno since the Middle Ages, you must locate the five elements comprising the human soul - so that you may reclaim your physical form on Earth - before your body rots away. Do you have the strength to face the hordes of hell and take the first element - The Fire - from the hands of its powerful, ancient protector? There's only one way to find out.
Hotel Inferno 3: The Castle of Screams
Frank, although you have retrieved the Fire element, you are still trapped in the hellish Hotel Inferno. Now you must pass through the Village of the Disease, struggling to survive the frozen horrors that haunt those cursed passages, until you finally reach the Castle of Screams. There you will find your only ally, The Witch, who is being held captive along with the Ice element. But beware. The Castle is guarded by an army of unspeakable horrors. On this cold journey you will face many infernal atrocities, and as you will discover, the demons are not your only enemi es. Fight for your sanity, retrieve the Ice element, and take the second step towards your resurrection.
Suite 313 (2017)
Special Agent Alexander Connor is sent to investigate a house, from which a woman named Sandra has made numerous 911 calls. Things become more complicated than expected for Agent Connor, as he finds he must also rescue a police officer who responded to the home 24 hours earlier. Soon, Agent Connor will discover a horrifying secret; that Sandra is one of LUMEN CORPORATION's donors and has devoted her house to the corporation; a house which has been turned into a research lab for atrocious experiments performed on human beings.
Al and Brantley make fun of movies they haven't seen based on nothing but their weird descriptions. This week they take a bit of a detour and cover the 1980 children's cartoon Drak Pack.
This week we're taking on the Blind Dead series of movies. It didn't occur to us at the time, but someone really should make a Blind Dead vs Deafula movie. We ran out of Blind Dead movies before we ran out of podcast, so we tacked on the movie Shepherd at the end.
Do you like robots? Do you like vampires? Then you're going to LOVE this podcast about three movies about Robo-Vampires. They're not actually CONNECTED in any way, they're just three random movies about robo-vampires that someone threw together into a "trilogy" and then slapped a picture of RoboCop on the front. We also cover RoboCop (2014) in this episode.
Bad movies are funny, but it takes a long time to watch them, so instead Al and Brantley just read their very bad descriptions and laugh at those. This week's pirate themed episode includes, Submarine Pirate (1915), Captain Calamity (1936), and Blind Dead 3 (aka The Ghost Galleon (1974).
Al and Brantley make fun of movies they haven't seen based on nothing but their weird descriptions. This week's movies are The Invisible Ray, Cult of the Cobra, and Netherworld
In this episode of Too Weird, Didn't Watch, Brantley digs into an old trove of Universal Studios horror films that adapted the famous radio drama anthology The Inner Sanctum. The movies all star Lon Chaney Jr. and include, Calling Dr. Death, Pillow of Death, Frozen Ghost, Weird Woman, Dead Man's Eyes, and Strange Confession.
Brantley and Albert make fun of movies they haven't seen based on nothing but their weird descriptions.
Al and Brantley make fun of movies they haven't seen based only on their weird descriptions. First they tackle Mutants, a movie that has nothing to do with the X-Men OR actual mutations, but I guess Toxic Vampire Ghost Town was too radical for these folks. Then they move on to Demon Wind. Highs today will be in the mid 70s, partly cloudy, with a 40% chance of demon wind later this afternoon. Finally they talk about Swamp Zombies, a movie about your average everyday mad scientist who's just trying to get along reanimating corpses when the Federal Gubmint pokes their nose in his business.
Al and Brantley laugh at the hilarious descriptions of movies they have not seen. In this episode they take on The Eden Formula, Wendigo (2001), and Wendigo: Bound by Blood (not a sequel).
Al and Brantley make fun of movies they haven't seen based only on their weird descriptions. First up we cover Carnivore: Werewolf of London, a movie might NOT be an add for AirBnB, but it really should be. Then we dig into Starship Invasions, a movie where aliens invade the Bermuda triangle, and OTHER aliens call on a human UFO "expert" to help them...for some reason.
Al and Brantley make fun of movies they haven't seen based on nothing but their funny descriptions. This week's movies include Shakma, Man's Best Friend, and Bad Moon.
We make fun of movies we haven't seen based on their odd descriptions. This week's movies are The Amazing Mr. X, Day of the Animals, and The Psychotronic Man.
Al and Brantley make fun of films that they haven't seen based only on their weird descriptions. This week's movies include Wheels on Meals (starring Jackie Chan!) and Saturn 3. Sorry we missed putting out an episode last week. Albert was sick with not the flu but similar.
Al and Brantley mock movies they haven't seen based on their weird descriptions. This week's movies: Werewolf Man vs Piranha Man, and Werewolf Boy
Brantley and Albert make fun of movies they've never seen based on nothing more than their weird descriptions. This week's movies all come from 1935: Night Life of the Gods, The Silk Hat Kid, and She
Al and Brantley make fun of movies they've never seen based only on their weird descriptions. This week's movies include, Deafula, The Gate and The Gate 2.
Yes, I know Christmas is over and this is no longer anything like timely. I got sick though, and this episode is still good so here it is.
CHRISTMAS! Al and Brantley make fun of a gaggle of Christmas and winter themed movies that they have not seen based solely on their weird descriptions. This week's movies include I Believe in Santa Claus, Santa and the Three Bears and Snow Shark Ancient Snow Beast.
Al and Brantley make fun of movies based only on their strange descriptions. This week's movies hail from the terrible continent of Australia! They include, The Cars that Ate Paris, Uninhabited, and Red Billabong.
Al and Brantley make fun of movies based on nothing but their weird descriptions! This week's movies are Sharkansas Women's Prison Massacre and Raiders of the Lost Shark.
Al and Brantley try to fill in the gaps about movies they haven't seen based only on their weird IMDB descriptions.
Al and Brantley make fun of movies they haven't seen based on their weird descriptions. This week's theme: MOSQUITOES! The movies: Mosquito, A Mosquito Man, and Mosquito Squadron
Al and Brantley make fun of Chupacabra movies they haven't seen based on their weird descriptions. This week's movies include Indigenous (2014), Chupacabra Territory (2016), and Bloodthirst 2: Revenge of the Chupacabra (2005).
Al and Brantley make jokes about movies they haven't seen based only on their strange IMDB descriptions. This week's movies include CyberTracker, CyberTracker 2, and Firepower.
Brantley and Al make up stories about movies they haven't seen based only on their weird descriptions. This week's movies include Spirited Killer, Spirited Killer 2: Awakened Zombie Battles, and Spirited Killer 3: Ghost Wars!
Al and Brantley marvel at movies they've never seen based only on their odd descriptions. This week brings us a cluster of zombie martial arts movies. Hiya!
Al and Brantley make fun of movies they haven't seen based only on their weird descriptions. This week's movie are 13 Demons, Robot Vampire, and The Battle Wizard.
Al and Brantley make fun of movies they haven't seen based on their odd descriptions. This week they take a very limited look at the extensive filmography of Takashi Miike (we apologize for the pronunciation errors), including Yakuza Apocalypse, Zebraman, and Crows Zero.
Al and Brantley make fun of things they haven't seen based only on their IMDB descriptions. In this episode Brantley talks about several episodes of the Showtime television series from 1997, Dead Man's Gun.
Al and Brantley make jokes about games they haven't seen based on nothing but their strange descriptions. This week's movies include, The Snow Creature, Chupacabra vs the Alamo and She Beast.
Brantley and Al make fun of movies they haven't seen based only on their odd descriptions. This week's movies are Adventures in Dinosaur City, and Future Kick
Al and Brantley make up stories about movies they haven't seen based on nothing more than their weird IMDB descriptions. This week's movies are Identity, Tough to be a God, and Unknown Island.
Brantely and Albert make fun of movies they haven't seen based on nothing but their weird descriptions. This week's movies are, Time Tracers, Blackbelt, and Virtual Combat.
Time Tracers
When the discovery of a five-thousand year old artifact of a humanoid reptile leads an investigative reporter to the Kronos Project, he uncovers an experimental device created to send humans through time, controlled by a ruthless multi-billionaire. As the Kronos experiment progresses through the Civil War era to the Jurassic age, high-tech sabotage and deceit ensue, resulting in devastating events that lead to a ripple in time, a paradox, that if not contained could change the entire course of evolution and destroy the universe as we know it.
Blackbelt
Two evil guys are willing to kill a rock singer, one of them is her manager, someone who is known in the mob, and another one, a martial arts expert who has some mental problems about his mother who died, he thinks that the female rock singer can replace her. The singer, Shana calls in the help of an ex-cop and also martial arts expert to protect her from the guys who are up to no good.
Virtual Combat
This lively low-budget action movie is packed with martial arts, sexy sirens, and a sci-fi plot involving computers and virtual reality images that become real. The tale centers on two Nevada border officers, Dave Quarry (Don "The Dragon" Wilson) and John (Ken McLeod), who amuse themselves off duty by honing their kickboxing skills via virtual reality combat. Elsewhere, a computer tycoon prepares to market his company's latest invention, a combination of DNA and virtual reality that creates beings and creatures who look and feel real. The first two "cyberplasmic" creations are beautiful and sexually eager women, Lana and Greta. Meanwhile back in the lab of cyberplasmic creator Dr.Lawrence Cameron, Dante, the hero of a newly engineered game, manages to free himself and enter the outside world. A vicious fighter, he also wants to free his many horrific enemies and pals. Quarry gets involved after the fugitive Dante kills his friend John and several other cops.
Albert and Brantley make fun of weird movies they haven't seen based on nothing but their weird descriptions. This weeks movies are, The Ghoul, I Monster, and And Now the Screaming Starts
Al and Brantley make fun of a trio of killer bee movies they haven't seen based on nothing but their dumb descriptions. This week's movies include, Killer Bees, Deadly Invasion: The Killer Bee Nightmare, The Swarm
Brantley and Al make fun of movies they haven't seen based only on their weird synopses. This week they take on Robot Ninja and Monster of Terror!
Al and Brantley take on a couple foreign films based on nothing more than their odd descriptions. This week's movies are Aelita: Queen of Mars and Haze.
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Al and Brantley make fun of a trio of mummy-centric movies based on nothing but their weird descriptions. This week's movies include Blood From the Mummy's Tomb, The Mummy's Hand, and The Awakening
Al and Brantley make fun of spider movies they haven't seen, based on nothing but their poorly written synopses. They also discover the legendary and mysterious figure KGF Vissers. This week's movies include, Giant Spider Invasion, Itsy Bitsy Spider, Spiders, and Spiders 2: Breeding Ground
Al and Brantley make fun of stuff they haven't seen, based on nothing but weird descriptions. This week they cover the very weird second season of the Baywatch spin-off Baywatch Nights.
Al and Brantley make fun of a trio of supernatural movies they haven't seen based only on their poorly written synopses. This week's films are Never Cry Werewolf, 3 AM, and Demonic Beauty
Al and Brantley clown around about clown movies they haven't seen based on nothing but their synopses. This week's movies include S.I.C.K, He Who Gets Slapped, and Final Draft