LoveLife Podcast: Recent Episodes
Doug Weiss & Alvean Lyons
Living your life and loving it: navigating healthy relationships to find and keep that special someone in your life
Have you ever pictured the person that would be your ideal mate? What makes them ideal, and what does that reveal about you? If you are in a relationship now, how does this person compare? In this episode, Alvean and Doug tackle these and similar questions that probe the borders of our emotional landscape. For a full transcript, click here: LL62-Your ideal mate
Couples who have been in a long and loving relationship often say that their significant other is their best friend. in the age of social media, what does being a friend really mean? In this episode, Alvean and Doug take on that question and offer some thoughts about the value of friendship in our romantic and otherwise personal lives. For a transcript, click here: LL61-Are you a good friend?
For some, intimacy is simply code language for sex. For others it describes a deep emotional bond. In this episode, Alvean and Doug discuss the various forms of intimacy couples may experience and how best to ensure that those feelings are both mutual and sustainable.
Love comes in many forms and times in our lives but true, sustained and deep love is both rare and enduring. How does one tell the difference, and how what are the lessons we can take from those couples that have experienced true love? In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about both their own personal experience of true love and offer some insight on how to create an emotional climate that will foster true love.
Love can happen at any age, but some people believe there is a use by date for themselves. Past that date, they feel they are no longer able to find or keep a mate. In this episode, Alvean and Doug dispel the many myths about age as a factor in relationships and offer so counsel on how to overcome the feelings of missed opportunity.
Most people have those nights where they lie awake remembering something in their past for which they have regret. But regrets can sometimes be overwhelming and get in the way of couples moving forward. In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about ways to find an appropriate perspective on the past and strategies to avoid allowing regrets from becoming stumbling blocks to happiness in the present.
s prepare for the changes ahead. In this episode, Alvean and Doug offer their thoughts on the process and strategies for creating inclusion and acceptance.
Ideally as we age together in a relationship we grow closer and stronger. But people do not always age equally, and how we look at another, our sense of attraction and our acceptance of those changes can sometimes add challenges. In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about how those changes can affect couples and how they can learn to grow closer and even more bonded as they age.
Relationships can end for many reasons but one of the most difficult causes is when there is another person involved. Sometimes that other person is a newborn or a child from another relationship. In this episode, Alvean and Doug discuss the ways in which couples can cope with the array of feelings that may occur and how they can find resolution by redefining their definition of us.
Men (and women) can often be difficult to read. They say or do one thing but mean something entirely different. Learning to read the differences between what people say and what they feel takes some practice but there are ways to read the clues as subtle as they may be at times. Alvean and Doug offer a guide book to the obvious and less clear signals we send , even when we think we are being discrete and suggest ways to help our partners reveal their innermost feelings in an environment built on trust and acceptance. For a full trabscript, click here: LL53-What men rarely say but often feel
have you ever wondered if there are still any good men or women out there? It’s a pretty common question to ask, especially when one has been through less than ideal dating experiences. The good news is that there are men and women with whom you might find an enduring relationship but you need to know how to spot them long before you decide to enter into anything long term. Alvean and Doug offer some pointers on how to approach the challenge and ways in which we can be our own worst obstacle if we are not careful. For a full transcript, click here: LL52-Are there any good men or women out there?
It goes without saying that breaking up is hard, and sometimes we make it even harder on ourselves and our soon to be ex. While no one can relieve you entirely of the pain of breaking up–regardless of who initiated the it, there are ways to move forward that can minimize the hurt and in time help both parties to move on whole and happy. Alvean and Doug discuss the ways in which one can process the end of a relationship without incurring or causing anger, resentment, or the need for retribution. No one can make it easy, and it shouldn’t be, but breaking up does not need to be a pain one carries with them forever. For a full transcript, click here: LL51-Breaking Up
The arrival of a child forever changes the dynamics of a relationship, usually for the better, but sometimes it can add strains to an already unstable relationship. Alvean and Doug talk about how to overcome the challenges of new parenthood and accommodate the loving addition of a new life into an existing family. For a complete transcript, click here: LL50-And Baby Makes Three
In a perfect world a couple is loved and supported by their respective families but sometimes that turns out to be more of a challenge than not. There is such a thing as toxic families, ones that pollute a relationship with negativity and place a strain on an otherwise loving couple–even to the point of dissolving their union. In this episode, Alvean and Doug offer suggestions for the best way to navigate toxic family members and chart a secure and strong relationship in the midst of corrosive behavior. For a full transcript, click here: LL49 -Toxic Families
We have all heard of May-December romances, suggesting an age related gap–sometimes of many years. But is such a disparity doomed to failure, a fantasy in novels but a nightmare in real life? Can two people overcome the hurdles life poses and those that family and friends may add or is there simply a limit on the differences that will work in a successful relationship? In this episode Alvean and Doug take on the question and given the differences in their own ages and stages of life offer some thgoughts on how to navigate this thorny question. Fot a full transcript, click here:LL48-Does Age Matter?
Getting what you want does not mean you need to be in a contest, one that can have lasting and damaging consequences for your relationship. In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about the ways in which you can arrive at an outcome that strengthens your relationship while achieving the agency that each of you desire. For more and a full transcript, click here: LL47-Getting What You Want
In times of trouble we often turn to our friends and families to counsel us and offer their support. But is this a healthy approach to take? In this episode, Alvean and Doug caution their listeners to avoid the mistake of relying on friends or family members as therapists, and offer some insight into the ways that approach can have lasting and negative consequences. For a full transcript, click here: LL-46 Friends and Family as Counselors
Sometimes the person we fall in love with becomes the person we wish we could change. Is it them or is it us? The answer really does not matter. Enduring relationships are built on acceptance. In this episode Alvean and Doug discuss the ways couples can create the trust and find acceptance with one another. For a full transcript, click here: LL45-I love you Just the Way You Are
At some point in our lives most of ask the question, what is my purpose in life? It is a natural question to ask but it can also lead to friction or dissension in a relationship as one partner pulls away or into themselves without explanation. In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about the reasons and the remedies for this existential crisis and how to navigate it without endangering the stable and strong pillars of your life: For a full transcript, click here: LL44-Finding Purpose
Sometimes relationships can grow stale–one or the other partner begins to take the other for granted or just doesn’t have the feelings they once did. Arguments, lack of spontaneity, even just day to day life can wear a couple down and cause them to ask themselves, is that all there is to us? Alvean and Doug talk about the reasons we can fall into this way of thinking and how to combat that and keep your relationship fresh and lively. For a full transcript, click here: LL43-Is That All There Is?
Relationships can be hard at times and one of the hardest is when one of you falls ill. Even when the illness is not too serious being a caregiver can be trying and when we don’t feel well it is hard to bring your best self to the relationship. In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about their own real experiences dealing with the serious illness of a partner and child and how one can cope with these challenges. For a complete transcript, click here: LL41-In Sickness & in Health
Our brains are hard wired with a fight or flight instinct. When faced with an adverse situation our reflexes automatically engage and that can cause a great deal of tension in a relationship leading to argument or abandonment. Alvean and Doug talk about this and how one can recognize the reaction and short circuit the emotions so that calm and rational behavior can be maintained. For a full transcript, click here: LL42-Fight or Flight
Relationships are not a constant. Things change over time and one of those changes comes with age. But relationships do not have to grow old or stale with age, in fact they can become even better, with richer and deeper engagement. Alvean and Doug offer some insights on how to nurture the spark and claim the feelings that come with a mature relationship. For more and a full transcript, click here:
We all know what those first days of a new relationship feel like, the rush of hormones and emotions, the excitement and sometimes overwhelming feelings of love. But what happens when the love isn’t there anymore or at least the intense feelings once felt have lessened? In this episode, Alvean and Doug discuss the natural progression we experience and temper those with suggestions how we can not only maintain but foster a deeper and more meaningful connection to our loved one. For more, and a complete transcript, click here: LL39-After the Love
In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about a challenge that more and more people are experiencing, how to remain positive when the news and events in the world around you seem very negative. Psychologists and Social Workers report increasing anxiety in the present day, as latent fears and worries, economic and otherwise, are causing strains that can drastically affect people’s state of mind and their relationships. Learn how to avoid the traps and foster a healthy and realistic approach when those around you are interntionally or otherwise causing you anxiety. For a full transcript, click here: LL38-Staying Positive in a Negative World
Struggles for power, manipulation and arguments are signs a couple has not learned the art of persuasion. In this episode Alvean and Doug offer insight as to how to share information and feelings in a way that can help assure harmony and understanding for all concerned. For a complete transcript, click here: LL37-The Art of Persuasion
At least half or more of the challenges couples create for themselves arise from a failure to listen. In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about ways to ensure you are on receive and not just broadcast when you and your other half converse. For a full transcript, click here: LL36-Listening-Tune in or Tune out
Children and pets can bring a wonderful bond that completes a relationship or they can become a source of disunion, it all depends on how a couple addresses it beforehand. In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about how to ensure both parties are on the same page about key issues assuring a happy and fulfilling life together. For a complete transcript, click here: LL35-When Kids or Pets are in the way
You’ve probably heard it said that couples that pray together stay together. Is there any truth to this? Religion can play a role in helping couples navigate their relationship or it can lead to fractious quarrels and disunion. Alvean and Doug discuss the pitfalls and the promises that a faith based relationship can offer in this episode. For a full transcript, click here: LL34-Couples That Pray Together
It happens, especially if a couple have been together for a long time. The passion seems to be less and less common as everyday life with all its stresses and challenges get in the way. In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about ways in which couples can renew the patterns and behaviors that ignited their passion in the first place. For a complete written transcript, click here: LL33-How to Bring Passion Back?
Along with differences in libido Money is one of the chief issues that couples tend to argue about in the course of their relationship. In this episode Alvean and Doug reveal the underlying causes and more importantly strategies for avoiding the consequences. For a full transcript, click here: LL32-Why Do couples Quarrel About Money?
Be honest, flirting is fun–even thrilling for some, but it can cross a line into something much less innocent. In this episode, Alvean and Doug explore the motivations behind flirting and the ground rules that can keep it light hearted and positive without causing harm or crossing over into emotional or physical cheating. For a complete transcript, click here: LL31-Why Men and Women Flirt
A lot of books have been written on this subject but many deal only with superficial themes. Alvean and Doug go deeper to help listeners understand some of the fundamental truths about how different genders process thoughts and emotions, and how that knowledge can help listeners avoid the usual misunderstandings that can accompany relationships. For more and a full transcript, click here: LL30-How Men and Women Differ
In this episode, Alvean and Doug take on a familiar subject–why otherwise loving couples quarrel. The issues are relatively common, arising from differences over money, divisions of labor, intimacy, and in some cases parenting. They offer some practical suggestions about how to mediate such differences and resolve the underlying factors that lead to dis harmony in relationships. For a full transcript, click here: LL29-Why Do Couples Quarrel?
It is said that time heals all wounds but is that true or is it love? In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about the healing properties of loving and being loved. For a complete transcript, click here: LL28-Can Love Heal?
Torn between two lovers–its the popular song that this episode reflects. Is it possible to be in love, honest and true love with two different people at the same time? You don’t have to wait for the big reveal, the answer is no, but you’ll want to listen to Alvean and Doug to find out why. Fot a full transcript, click here:LL27-Can you love two people equally?
Surely you have met someone like this–a person who believes they are the center of the universe and nothing you or anyone else says or does can dissuade them of this opinion. Well fasten your seatbelts–Alvean and Doug discuss the best way to address those who behave this way and how best to protect yourself from their outsized egos. For more and a complete transcript, click here:LL26-It is all about me
Loneliness seems epidemic these days–certainly among younger generations. In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about some positive aspects of being alone, and how one can use that time to renew self love and affirm one’s feelings about others. For a full transcript, click here: LL25-Savoring Loneliness
Have you ever heard this expression–possibly from kids but sometimes said in another way it is the sentiment behind adult push back. In this episode, Alvean and Doug dissect the meaning behind that expression and why it is an important indicator of control issues that may be working behind the scenes. For a full transcript, click here: LL24-You’re not the Boss of Me
Conventional wisdom suggests the answer is yes, but is that really true. In this episode Alvean and Doug take on the question with some surprising insights int what makes for a lively and rich relationship. For a full transcript, click here: LL23-Do Opposites Attract
Arguably, jealousy is one of the most toxic emotions, one that can destroy any relationship. In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about its roots in insecurity and poor ideation of the self. They offer some thoughts about how best to counter it and create an environment that in wholesome, and transparent. For more click here: LL22-Jealousy
Can you go back? Do failed relationship work on a second try or is the damage too profound to ever repair. In this episode, Alvean and Doug offer their thoughts on the pitfalls and possible benefits of a second chance. For a full transcript, click here:LL21-Getting Back with Your Ex
Maybe you have had the experience or perhaps heard about such situations. When a relationship ends it is often more than painful emotionally, some partners go that extra step to inflict even more pain, emotionally, financially, or in other ways. How does one handle such a situation and even more pertinent, how does one avoid it in the first place. Listen to what Alvean and Doug have to say in this episode: LL20-Vindictive Ex’s
If there is a human trait that matters more and least understood, it is empathy. In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about why empathy is at the core of all durable relationships, ib life, work and love. For a full transcript of this episode, click here: LL19-Empathy is a Lost Virtue
It takes a secure person to open themselves up to others but it is only through vulnerability that true emotional connection can flourish. Alvean and Doug explore this paradox in this episode and offer vivid examples from their own experience. For a full transcript, click here: LL18-Vulnerability
Philosophers and everyday men and women alike wrestle with the question, what is my purpose in life? What actually matters–and how do we discover the answers? In this episode, Alvean and Doug take on these pithy questions and offere their own experience and insights in response. For a full transcript, click here: LL17
It sounds counter-intuitive but Alvean and Doug would tell you that some of our most painful experiences are also incredibly important teaching moments. Although no one seeks out suffering, especially where relationships are concerned, emotional pain, loss and grief take us to places where we can look at ourselves and our lives in a more objective perspective and emerge–either through one’s own devices or with help into a better and healthier life. For a full transcript of this episode, click here:LL16
Can we truly deceive ourselves? In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about the ways we obfuscate, pretend and misdirect our intuition and intellect when matters of the heart are concerned. For a full transcript, click here:LL15
Some have said that a broken heart is worse than any physical pain, and for many it is one of if not the hardest thing they may face at a young age. Alvean and Doug discuss the ways we mend and build on a stronger foundation following a difficult passage such as this. For more and a full transcript, click here: LL14
As a followup to last week’s episode, Alvean and Doug take on the thorny question, can anyone prevent their partner from cheating? Alvean unfolds her now famous dry grass analogy to explain how relationship fare when they are not regularly tended. And Doug tells a story about a marriage that foundered through inattention. For a full transcript, click here: LL13
It may be the hardest test of a relationship, when one partner is unfaithful to the other. In this episode, Alvean and Doug discuss how to move on –whether the relationship is at its end or otherwise and how to know the difference between someone that cheated (and why) and someone who is a cheater. For more, and a complete transcript, click here: LL12
Doug & Alvean share stories about the best advice they ever received regarding relationships. For a full transcript, click here: LL11
A lot has been written and said about interracial or inter-religious relationships and the challenges they pose, but really these differences are only a part of what Alvean and Doug describe as cross cultural relationships because they involve more than race or faith, but a matrix of language, behavior social and cultural norms that may be wide or narrowly different between partners. In this episode, Alvean and Doug offer some thoughts on how to energize and remain open to thsoe diferences seeing them as opportunities rather than obstacles. For a full transcript, click here: LL10
Whether as a result of divorce, widowhood, or other circumstances second marriages often face the prospect of combining families. Where children are involved this is a delicate and potentially difficult proposition but also one that can be rewarding and a significant improvement for all involved. The results turn on how well the prospective partners relate to and communicate with their children in the months/years prior to combining their households and families. Alvean and Doug take on this tricky subject with lots of good counsel for all concerned, parents and children. For a full transcript, click here: LL09
It has become increasingly common to find that traditional gender roles in the household are no longer --well, traditional. Who is the primary housekeeper, parent, breadwinner? It isn't always what one might expect which raises some questions about how best to navigate the relationship when the traditional roles no longer apply. For many men, being the stay at home father/homekeeper is a delight but for others it is a challenge when one's spouse or partner makes more. And it isn't limited to men and women--the same inequity questions can crop up in same sex relationships as well. That's in part because money often is viewed as power affecting the balance of the arrangement. Alvean and Doug talk about this perceived inequity and related questions in this episode, a complete transcript of which is available here: LL08
Perhaps a friend has said it--maybe it was you: Where are all the good (men/women), I just can't find the one. If you have any self awareness this should lead you to ask the question: Am I Too Picky? You may not be, or you just might but failing to ask the question is an all too common mistake. Let's face it, we dream of finding the ideal person--and once we get to know our intended we no sooner begin to notice the small or larger issues -things we want to change or in extreme cases cannot abide. Are we setting our sights too high, are we unrealistic or is there really a dirth of good people from whom we might choose? For answers to these questions listen to Alvean and Doug discuss ways to identify your expectations and understand whether they are realistic or otherwise. For a complete transcript of this episode, click here: LL07
We probably should have been more direct. There is no good way to say goodbye--but there are ways to bring a relationship to a close without causing each other deep and lasting pain. In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about how to do just that--to honestly and transparently acknowledge that for whatever reasons the relationship has run its course and the possibility of resurrecting mutuality is nil. You may remain friends after a time, or not as you both navigate the future but you can and should part ways the same way you began with genuine affection and respect for one another. For a complete transcript of this episode, click here:LL06
You've probably heard people describe someone as a soul mate, or say that their relationship was meant to be. Are their cosmic relationships, those blessed by God, and karmically arranged, or are these simply justifications? Alvean and Doug take on this somewhat controversial subject in this episode, a transcript of which may be found here: LL05
Quite often men and women will question whether their relationships are authentic, or a manifestation of chemistry, the short tem allure of the chase, or some other temporary circumstance. In this episode, Alvean and Doug offer some thoughts on how to recognize a genuine bond, built of real love and respect for one's partner. For more and a full transcript, click here: LL04
Building on the previous episode, Alvean and Doug talk about how our role models and family help us to expand our capacity for loving. For a full transcript of the episode, click here: LL03
As we go though life we may find various people who will become our role models in life, in our careers and in our relationships. They may be parents or other relatives, friends or simply people we meet along the way. In this episode Alvean and Doug discuss their own role models and offer thoughts on how the identify those who might serve as role models. For a full transcript of the episode, click here: LL02
In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about passive/aggressive behavior and offer insights on how best to address this toxic form of relationship. For a full transcript and more, click here: 68-The Passive-Aggressive Partner
It is a pervasive influence on our lives and some would say not a healthy one. How does participation in social media affect our lives and our relationships for better or for worse? Alvean and Doug discuss the subject and offer some thoughts on how to navigate this fraught space in a healthy and productive manner. For more and a complete transcript, click here: 64-Relationships and Social Media
Some have said that Parenthood is the last of the unskilled occupations. How do we prepare ourselves, how do we take on the necessary wisdom to raise our children to become successful and happy adults? To answer these and other questions, Alvean and Doug offer real world examples from their own and others' lives in this episode. For a full transcript, click here: 65-Parenthood
It is a momentous step and one that can make or break a relationship. Accommodating another person's habits, posessions, and space put our affections to the test and what may be acceptable when we live apart is strained when we live together. In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about the stresses and pitfalls of moving in together but also the many rewards and sweetness that can accompany this step if couples are prepared. For more on this topic and a full transcript, click here: 63-Moving In Together
For some it is acts of service, for others affirmation, gifts of touch, or quality time. These are the ways we express our affection and affirm our love. But they are not always acknowledged, valued or understood by couples and a mismatch between what is desired and what is received can be fatal to an enduring relationship. In this episode, Alvean and Doug discuss the languages of love, how we show and how we receive these gifts--and most importantly how we can align ourselves so that we are speaking the same language. For more on this episode and a complete transcript, click here: 66-The Love Languages
The path to hell they say is paved with good intentions. Too often we make the mistake of enabling a loved one to continue to harbor destructive --even self destructive habits or patterns of behavior. In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about the ways in which our good intentions can result in the worst results for those we love. Enabling robs those we love of self determination, reinforces their bad habits, and shields them from the reality of their lives. For more on this subject and a full transcript of this episode, click here: 67-Are you an Enabler?
How many of us have idealized the perfect mate, and found that our dream curdled in reality? That is the question Alvean and Doug tackle in this episode. Is it possible to find such a person, and if and when we do will they measure up to reality? Who is the ideal mate in any event? For more on this and a full transcript, click here: LL62-Your ideal mate
In a time when friend may mean someone you know on Facebook, what is a good friend and how do you know if you are one? Alvean and Doug talk about friendship and relationships and how the two relate. For a full transcript, click here: LL61-Are you a good friend?
For many couples that moment when one decides that its time to begin living together can be a fraught--even difficult navigation--even if it is something both desire. Adjusting to someone else's routines, habits, and life style is not always a seamless and easy proposition. In this episode, Alvean and Doug discuss the challenges and strategies for navigating them to help couples enjoy a smoother transition from single-hood to couple-hood. For a full transcript, click here: 63-Moving In Together
And Baby makes three, so the saying goes. That precious moment, however, is not without its challenges--especially for couples experiencing parenthood for the first time. It can elicit latent fears, create tensions where none existed before --interfere with careers, health and fray the edges of relationships, but it can also be the culmination of dreams, and blessing. Finding your way through the thickets is the subject of this episode--as Alvean and Doug talk about their own experience as Parents and offer some counsel for those awaiting or in the midst of parenthood for the first time. For a complete transcript, click here: 65-Parenthood
One of the more difficult behaviors to address in a relationship is the passive/aggressive partner. Communication with passive aggressive partners is ultimately a difficult proposition that stands everything on its head and if unchecked can lead to dissolution, a bad breakup or worse due to latent anger and its effect. In this episode, Alvean and Doug help listeners recognize the signs of this behavior and offer advice on how best to counter it in order to get to a healthier place. For a full transcript of the episode, click here: 68-The Passive-Aggressive Partner
Social Media is omnipresent in our lives and while it can help us maintain our involvement with friends and famil, it can also be a toxic wasteland spreading mis information and echoing unhealthy views or outright propaganda. In this episode Alvean and Doug talk about the ways social media bear on relationships and how to make the best use of the medium without undue influence or harm. Fir a complete transcript of this episode, click here: 64-Relationships and Social Media
Healthy and authentic relationships have a very special quality, they actually expand our capacity to feel and express love--not only to our beloved but to our circle of friends and family as well. In this episode, Alvean and Doug discuss this in concrete terms with examples drawn from their experience. For a complete transcript, click here: LL03
In life and in relationships we may model our behavior on influential people in for better or worse. In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about their role models and explore the ways role models act as intermediaries. For a full transcript, click here:
Perhaps you heard that everyone has different ways of expressing their love, some through acts others through gifts, some through verbal expression and so on. In this episode Alvean and Doug discuss the various love languages and how couples can learn to understand and accept the expressions of their partner, especially when they may not speak the same language. For more and a full transcript. click here: 66-The Love Languages
Sometimes we want so much to do everything possible for our loved ones that we end up serving their best interest poorly. In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about enabling and how you can identify whether or not you may be an enabler wiothout realizing it. For a full transcript, click here: 67-Are you an Enabler?
Do you have an ideal mate? How do you know what you are looking for and can you trust those instincts? In this episode, Alvean and Doug offer some suggestions for how to recognize the traits that make someone ideal for you. For more and a complete transcript, click here: LL62-Your ideal mate
Intimacy is a word with many meanings--some quite nuanced. In this episode, Alvean and Doug offer their views on intimacy and how best to achieve it. For a complete transcript, click here: LL60-What is Intimacy
It has been said that life is a poor teacher because it first tests us then gives the lesson. What are the lessons life has taught us about true love? In this episode, Alvean and Doug discuss their own lessons and those that listeners have shared. For a complete transcript, click here: LL59-What has true love taught you?
Can relationships grow stale and wither on the emotional vine? In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about the ways in which feelings can change--sometimes growing diminished and how one can alter that course and breathe fresh life into a relationship. For a full transcript, click here: LL58-Is there a use by date....
Alvean and Doug talk about their own regrets and the most common ones they've heard from listeners. How do you navigate those feelings and emerge with a more affirmative attitude? Click here for a full transcript: LL57-Your Biggest Regrets
Sometimes the past is something we recall with fond memory, while at other times we'd rather forget. In this episode, Alvean and Doug discuss the impact children from a prior relationships can have on your current one. Will it be positive or a field of emotional landmines that can explode when you least expect it? For a full transcript, click here: LL56-Relating to children from a prior relationship
In this episode, Alvean and Doug take on the difficult question of what to do when a relationship becomes a party of three and the two are no longer a sacred bond. How does one recover, if at all? For a complete transcript, click here:LL54-You, Me and .........
Ask most women about the men in their life and there is a good chance that they will describe the men in the life as opaque or lacking when it comes to expressing their feelings. As trite as it may seem they aren't wrong--but what they may not know is what their man is really feeling but not discussing. There are many reasons for this seeming disconnect, and in this episode Alvean and Doug discuss the causes and importantly ways in which women can help their mate to become more comfortable revealing their inner thoughts and feelings. For a full transcript, click here: LL53-What men rarely say but often feel
As we age, most of us retain certain personality traits but often change our perspective on issues as they are informed by life experience. What we want out of our lives, our value systems and our views of others can change --sometimes dramatically-- as we enter different stages of life. In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about their own experiences and the ways in which attitudes and values are affected by our social ecosystem. For a full transcript, click here: LL55-How has your perspective changed with age?pdf
Let's face it, relationships can be hard to sustain. They require constant attention and it can feel like work, not fun. In the midst of those challenges one or both partners can be tempted to stray--looking for a more nurturing, happier, or simply less stressful alternative. In some cases this leads to cheating, or a breakup, but it doesn't have to. In this episode, Alvean and Doug discuss this subject frankly and with practical advice how to handle the possibility of a 3rd party in your relationship before it leads to disunion or infidelity. For a full transcript, click here:LL54-You, Me and .........
Chances are you’ve heard someone ask this question or maybe you have asked it yourself. For some, dating, much less finding the one is a frustrating and ultimately defeating experience leading to a sense of hopelessness. There are many reasons we don’t connect. In this episode Alvean and Doug talk about the ways in which we can get in our own way by setting unrealistic expectations, looking in the wrong places, or failing to invest sufficient effort in learning about a potential mate. For a full transcript, click here: LL52-Are there any good men or women out there?
No one ever wants to think about it and no matter how gently and thoughtfully it is done, it is almost always very hurtful. In this episode, Alvean and Doug take up the issue with some helpful thoughts on how best to handle a breakup whether you are initiating or the recipient. They offer some suggestions on how to help avoid anger and recrimination and equally important, how to help one’s soon to be ex to maintain their dignity and emotional health in the face of a painful experience. For a full transcript, click here: LL51-Breaking Up
For most couples the arrival of their first child is both a blessing and long dreamed of moment. But it can also be challenging for both parents. Demands on time and patience, fears about preparedness, added financial burdens, and potential disagreements about parenting are just a few of the bumps in the road new parents can encounter. In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about the practical and emotional challenges and offer some thoughts on how to navigate baby’s arrival. For a full transcript, click here: LL50-And Baby Makes Three
Satisfying relationships can be challenged by many external factors, not least among these family and friends who feel it is appropriate to weigh in on a couple’s privacy and insert themselves into the mix–often to the detriment of the relationship. We call these circumstances toxic –as they can poison an otherwise positive relationship or inflate minor differences to the point they become destructive. In this episode Alvean and Doug talk about how to identify toxic behavior and what to do when faced with prospective influencers–however well intentioned that might lead to a break up, or divorce. For more and a full transcript, click here: LL49 -Toxic Families
Some may see them as May December romances, others find significant age differences in relationships a bit cringy. But the real question is does age truly matter? In this episode Alvean and Doug take on this sometime thorny subject with their usual fresh insights and real world examples. For a full transcript click here: LL48-Does Age Matter?
Friends and family can be part of a wonderful network of love and support, but there is one thing couples should never do, and that is to involve eaither into their lives as armchair therapists or relationship counselors. Despite what they may say or do, family and friends have conscious and unconscious biases, they are untrained and almost always will make matters worse rather than better. To find out why, listen to Alvean and Doug discuss the merits. For a full transcript, click here: LL-46 Friends and Family as Counselors
Love can be conditional or unconditional we are told and of the two most people yearn for unconditional love. But is that ever truly the case? Can we ever be loved just the way we are or are we destined to find that our significant other wants to change us–just a little bit? In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about how couples support each other or fail to meet each other’s needs through their interactions. For a full transcript, click here: LL45-I love you Just the Way You Are
At some point in life most of us ask ourselves the existential question, why are we here–what is our purpose in life? In this episode, Alvean and Doug talking about the journey –how individuals alone and together can begin to explore answers to that question. Often it can lead to a deepning commitment to one another and to a richer and more fulfilling life. For a complete transcript, click here: LL44-Finding Purpose
Tyhe first blush of a new relationship can be hot and heavy, full of chemistry and passion. But as time goes by and things fall into a routine couples might find themselves asking, “is that all there is?’ In this episode, Alvean and Doug discuss how to handle a perceived change in the emotional climate and restore the balance that brought a couple together in the first place. For a full transcript of the episode, click here: LL43-Is That All There Is?
When troubles arise in a relationship it can sometimes result in the triggering of a fight or flight response. In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about those responses and how to avoid them. For a full transcript, click here: LL42-Fight or Flight
Those words in the wedding vows about remaining together and supporting one another in sickness and in health are put to the test when serious health issues arise. How couples handle these crises says a great deal about their bonds and their ability to weather the difficult storms that may arise in any relationship and at any time. In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk from personal experience about those tests and how it affected them as well as others. For a full transcript of the episode, click here:LL41-In Sickness & in Health
Do couples grow towards each other as they grow older or further apart? Alvean and Doug discuss the ways aging can affect relationships for better or for worse and how successful couples keep the spark alive. For a full transcript of this episode, click here: LL40-Growing Older
What happens when that first rush of love goes away–or diminishes in intensity. Is Love over–di you make a mistake or is this just a pause in a life filled with love? In this episode Alvean talk frankly about how love ebbs and flows and how we are the agents of that tide. For a full transcript click here: LL39-After the Love
It can be crippling to face the news these days–but in the midst of the negativity and strife there are ways to create an oasis of calm and serenity. In this episode, Alvean and Doug discuss techniques for transforming your immediate world into a more forgiving and supportive environmwnt. For a full transcript, click here: LL38-Staying Positive in a Negative World
Too often couples can struggle with control issues or resort to manipulation to get their way. Both are destructive, eroding the trust and affections of both partners. Instead try persuasion. In this episode, Doug & Alvean talk about the art of persuading and techniques for entering into an empathetic understanding of your partner’s aims and desires. For a full transcript, click here: LL37-The Art of Persuasion
Learning to listen to one another–not just hear but trul listen with your entire attention is a recipe for an enduring relationship. In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about how we can learn to improve our listening and our talking skills so that we communicate what we want and need effectively to our partner. For a full transcript, click here:LL36-Listening-Tune in or Tune out
And baby–child or pet, makes three–so the song goes. And it can be a blessed event when two become three, but it isn’t always a smooth road. In this episode Alvean and Doug talk about how couples can navigate the changes they will face when introducing another being into their midst–a demanding, loving, and fragile being that can alter their dynamics. For a full transcript, click here: LL35-When Kids or Pets are in the way
Is it true that couples who have a strong and common spiritual life have strong and durable relationships? How does faith bind us and how do we navigate the tenet’s of our faith in a complex world? Find Answers to these and many other questions in this episode of Love Life. For a complete transcript, click here: LL34-Couples That Pray Together
In this episode Alvean and Doug dish about the challenge and the opportunity to rekindle that spark of passion–the chemistry and fire that ignited your romantic relationship in the first place. It isn’t all hormones–most of it is about the secret sauce of romance. For a full transcript, click here: LL33-How to Bring Passion Back?
Couples argue about a fairly narrow range of issues, including intimacy, control, habits and of course money. Avoiding toxic or nuclear arguments is essential to a solid relationship. In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about ways couples can avoid the pitfalls that can derail them and how to take the toxicity out of financial discussions. For a full transcript, click here: LL32-Why Do couples Quarrel About Money?
In this episode, Alvean and Doug discuss the fine art of flirtation. Why we do it, what it means and how to flirt without crossing a line into cheating. For a full transcript and more, click here: LL31-Why Men and Women Flirt
A lot of books have been written about the differences between men and women–but often they offer very litte useful insight where it matters most–in relationship. In this episode, Alvean and Doug take on this time worn topic with some fresh insights about how men and women think, react and respond to one another. For a full transcript, click here:LL30-How Men and Women Differ
Is fighting normal–dos it help heal or break relationships? Is there such a thing as healthy quarrellng? Answers to these and related questions in this episode from Alvean and Doug. For a complete transcript, click here:LL29-Why Do Couples Quarrel?
We read about heartbreak, and may have suffered it ourselves. There is medical evidence that heartbreak can lead to poor health, even death, but is the opposite also true, can love heal? In this episode Alvean and Doug, joined by a special guest discuss the facts and the truth about the healing power of Love. For a full transcript of this episode, click here: LL28-Can Love Heal?
Songs have been written about it –it’s not an uncommon question. What to do when you find yourself attracted to two different people at the same time. How do you resolve this dilemma? In this episode, Alvean and Doug offer their life experience and wisdom on the subject and suggest some paths to resolution. For more, and a full transcript, click here: LL27-Can you love two people equally?
Some people are the main character of every scene in their lives. It is all about them and the rest of us are just supporting characters in their play. In this episode, Alvean and Doug offer their thoughts on how best to navigate should you find yourself in the presence of someone with these characteristics. For a complete trascript of the episode, click here: LL26-It is all about me
Is it possible to find happiness without being in a relationship? For some, being alone is a comfort, a retreat into a contemplative life that starts by being in love with oneself. In this episode, Alvean and Doug discuss those aspects of being alone that are sweetened for individuals who find themselves in this state of being or choose to remain so for the comfort of their own company. For a full transcript, click here: LL25-Savoring Loneliness
Controlling behavior is not an uncommon dynamic between couples. It can be overt or more often unrecognized but the struggle for autonomy contends with the desire to please and the need for clear boundaries that respect both party’s rights. Alvean and Doug take on this fraught topic in thsi episode and offer some counsel on how to avoid finding yourself controlling or being controlled. For a full traNscript of the episode, click here:LL24-You’re not the Boss of Me
You’ve probably heard it, maybe even believe that opposites are attracted to one another. But do they make for a good relationship? In the episode, Alvean and Doug explore the truth and fiction behind the saying and the true path to compatibility. For a full transcript of the episode, click here:LL23-Do Opposites Attract
The green eyed monster, jealousy, is at the heart of too many failed relationships. It generally proceeds from a lack of trust or a violation of the emotional investment one partner has made in the other. Whatever the underlying cause, jealousy is a difficult monster to tame. To learn how, listen to Alvean and Doug discuss the subject in this episode. For a full transcript, click here: LL22-Jealousy
Something happened and you and your ex parted ways. As is often the case, you both may have regret and after a time drift back into each other’s orbits. Can love be renewed, can ex’s reunite successfully? To find out what Alvean and Doug have to say, listen to this episode and read the transcript here:LL21-Getting Back with Your Ex
Break ups happen and we hope they can be navigated gracefully even though both parties may experience pain and a sense of loss. But what happens when your ex won’t let go, and pain becomes anger and vindictive behavior? In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about how survive such an experience and what causes it. For a full transcript of the episode, click here: LL20-Vindictive Ex’s
There are three ingredients for a successful and loving relationship: Honesty, Trust, and Empathy. In this episode, Alvaen and Doug discuss empathy–what it is and isn’t and why it is such an important building block in emotional maturity and life. For a full transcript, click here: LL19-Empathy is a Lost Virtue
Too often our life experiences harden us and create boundaries that prevent us from having a fulfilling relationship. In this episode, Alvaen and Doug discuss the power of opening ourselves to others, being vulnerable to pain or hurt but also open to true love and deep emotional bonds. For a full transcript of the episode, click here: LL18-Vulnerability
In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about life’s priorities. How do we make sense of all the competing demands on our attention, time and affection? Is there a majoc formula for deciding what reall matters? For more and a complete transcript, click here: LL17
No one wishes to be in emotional pain but it happens to most of us at some point. While it may not seem so at the time, pain can bring with it a healing power–wisdom–that helps us avoid the circumstances that led to our hurt in the first place. In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about how we confront ourselves and learn to separate the pain from the lesson. For more and a full transcript, click here:LL16
The easiest person to deceive is ourselves. Whether out of a misplaced sense of self protection, and inability to face reality, or avoid pain, we are accomplished liars when it comes to certain parts of our life. It is, however, extremely unhealthy and in the end self destructive. In this episode, Alvean and Doug discuss the ways in which we can learn to face the truth, accept ourselves, flaws and all, and take decisive action to free ourselves from self imposed limitations. For more, and a full transcript, click here: LL15
It has happened to most of at least once, our hearts have been broken in the wake of a breakup, infidelity, or another violation of the all important trust partners must have in one another. In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about self nurture--the tools that are available to us to heal our hurt and rebuild our sense of self esteem and wholeness. For more, and a full transcript, click here: LL14
Last week Alvean and Doug talked about the fallout from infidelity and the path to rapproachment. In this episode they talk about the ways in which couples can prevent infidelity in the first place. Alvean illustrates the dry grass principle that sets up the environment in which emotional estrangement provides a fertile atmosphere for cheating. For more, and a complete transcript, click here: LL13
It is one of the most devastating things that can happen in a relationship--when one partner is unfaithful. While most often this violation of trust results in an end to the relationship, or a divorce it is possible to rebuild the foundations if both partners are committed to the long and transparent journey. Alvean and Doug take on this difficult topic in today's episode with some surprising takes on how love can triumph. For a full transcript of this episode, click here: LL12
In this episode, Alvean and Doug discuss the best relationship advice they received over the years. For a full transcript, click here: LL11
Realtionships can be hard enough without the challenges of navigating two different cultures. They can also be fantastic and rewarding--but that requires emotional insight, tact, and patience to achieve. In this episode, Alvean and Doug offer some thoughts on cross cultural relationships and how to cultivate the right frame of mind for the couple and their families and friends. For more and a full transcript, click here: LL10
One of the trickier challenges couples face that have children from a prior relationship is when and how to blend their families together. In this episode, Alvean and Doug explore those challenges and offer some helpful guidance to avoid the emotional and logistical ripples; For a full transcript, click here: LL09
Money is a very common issue that can cause friction in a relationship. While there are many different ways in which the subject can be fraught--in this episode Alvean and Doug explore the nuances when the traditional 'breadwinner' role is reversed and the woman earns more than the man. For more and a full transcript, click here:LL08
Have you ever wondered if perhaps the reason you haven't found mr or ms right has more to do with you than you think? If so this episode is for you. Alvean and Doug talk about ways some people sabotage themselves or create barriers that prevent them from building a loving relationship. For more and a complete transcript, click here: LL07
In this episode Alvean and Doug take on the subject of breakups. There is no such thing as a good breakup but there are better ways to say goodbye. Whether you are the one saying goodbye or receiving such news learn how to put your feelings in perspective and rise above the hurt. For a full transcript click here: LL06
Have you ever wondered if there is a special someone made just for you? Does God run a dating service or are we attracted to certain people based on subtle patters that inform our lives? In this episode, Alvean and Doug explore the reality of finding a mate and the stories we tell ourselves about how and why. For a full transcript, click here: LL05
How do you know if she or he is the one? Is this true love or something else? Discovering the boundaries and qiualities of your relationship requires patience, insight and an open heart. Alvean and Doug offer some strategies for answering the question, what's real in this episode. For more, click here: LL04
The full title of this episode is Loving Relationships expand our hearts. Nothing could be more true. In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk from their hearts about their own experiences--how we can find a larger frame for our emotions and our care by building enduring relationships in life. For a full transcript, click here:LL03
Who we choose as our role models speaks volumes about them and about us. In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about their own experience and offer counsel on our choices. A full transcript can be found here: LL02
Surely one of the most difficult traits to surmount is a passive/aggressive personality. Relationships require trust and honest communication to flourish. A passive aggressive partner presents a difficult challenge because avoidance is coupled with trust violating aggression. In this episode, Alvean and Doug discuss this trait and offer insights as to how best to cope when your partner acts in a passive aggressive manner. For a complete transcript, click here:68-The Passive-Aggressive Partner
Among the many forces which can strengthen or torpedo a relationship, social media looms large as a potentially dynamic or destructive mechanism. In this episode, Alvean and Doug explore the ways in which social media can act as an amplifier or as a censor--instantiating not only your own feelings but those of others around you. For a full transcript of the episode, click here: 64-Relationships and Social Media
It's been said that parenthood is the last of the unskilled occupations. In truth, we are almost always unprepared for parenthood and the many changes it makes in the way we live, and in our relationships. In this episode, Alvean and Doug discuss many of this issues and help newly expecting parents or even those who are just thinking about having children to better prepare themselves for what may come. For a complete transcript, click here: 65-Parenthood
That important moment where one of you moves in with the other can be a wonderful next step in your relationship or lead to difficulties down the road--even your eventual break up. Knowing how and when to make that move is critical. In this episode, Alvean and Doug explore the ways you can ensure a smooth transition and how to avoid the pitfalls of living with another person--even and especially one you love. For a full transcript, click here: 63-Moving In Together
Perhaps you have heard about love languages before. In case you haven't it is a way of characterizing the ways in which we express our feelings for another and how they show theirs to us. Are you someone that delights in doing nice things for your SO, or do you prefer tangible gifts? Alvean and Doug talk about the various ways in which we express our love and how to help align with your mate's love language. For more and a full transcript:66-The Love Languages click here:
Alvean and Doug take on a difficult topic--identifying traits that may make you an enabler of others' bad behaviors or habits. It can be hard to tell the difference between tolerating and enabling, between acceptance and furtherance. For more about this episode, click here: 67-Are you an Enabler?
Most of us have a preconceived idea of what kind of person would be our ideal mate--but often we settle for someone quite different. Are our projections unrealistic or do we find that what we thought might be essential isn't really that important? To find answers to these and other questions about realtionships listen to this episode of LoveLife or read the attached transcript: LL62-Your ideal mate
In this episode, Alvean and Doug explore the meaning of true friendship. Are friends always honest with one another, and, if so, how does one navigate hurt feelings? Do friends allow themselves to get involved in other relationships? Are friends allowed to be jealous? Answers to these and other questions can be found in this transcript: LL61-Are you a good friend? and in the following episode
In this frank episode, Alvean and Doug talk about intimacy, what it is, how to achieve it and how to avoid the mis-steps that can lead to heartbreak. For a complete transcript, click here: LL60-What is Intimacy
For those who have experienced a true and lasting love, what are the lessons from which we can all learn? Alvean and Doug talk about their own experience and those of listeners in this moving episode. For a full transcript, click here: LL59-What has true love taught you?
Folk wisdom suggests that once you pass a certain age marriage becomes less and less realistic. But folk wisdom isn’t always true and what once may have been the case is no longer. Alvean and Doug talk about age as a factor in marriage including age differences and how best to address them. For more, and a full transcript, click here:LL58-Is there a use by date….
Whatever your age there is a very good possibility that you have accumulated a few regrets, things done or left undone that you wish you could change. Left unchecked those regrets can become a corrosive force in your life and in your relationships. Alvean and Doug talk frankly about their own challenges and offer advice on how to move forward in an affirming way. For a complete transcript, click here:LL57-Your Biggest Regrets
When two people begin a relationship that involves children from a prior marriage or partnership things can easily become highly charged. Co-parenting is a frequently cited challenge for new couples and unless it is carefully navigated can bring about heartbreaking consequences for all. Alvean and Doug take on this difficult subject in this episode and offer some insights into how best to ensure that couples act in their own best interests and those of their children. For a complete transcript, click here: LL56-Relating to children from a prior relationship
Regardless of your age today, as you go through your life change is inevitable. Sometimes it is for the better and sometimes not. In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about life's stages and phases and how they can alter one's perspective on life itself and on those you care for. For a full transcript, click here: LL55-How has your perspective changed with age?pdf
In this episode, Alvean and Doug take on a fraught subject, how to navigate a relationship when there is a 3rd party involved. It could be an ex, a sibling or family member, even a child from an earlier marriage. Whoever that person is, there is a very good chance things won't end well, unless of course both partners work through the situation with emotional maturity. To find out more listen now or get a full transcript here: LL54-You, Me and .........
In contrast to women who tend to be more emotionally accessible, men can appear to be opaque or unfeeling. The truth is that though they may not say what they are feeling most men are not immune to feelings. In this episode, Alvean and Doug explore the hidden dimension of masculine emotional life and off some insights into how best to create an open dialog that is rich in emotional context. For a full transcript, click here; LL53-What men rarely say but often feel
It's a phrase you may have heard from friends or even wondered yourself, are there any good men/women out there? The answer is unquestionably yes but you may be creating obstacles to finding them. In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about some of the self defeating behaviors that get in our way from time to time and cause us to feel as if everything is stacked against us. For a full transcript, click here: LL52-Are there any good men or women out there?
It is indeed the hardest thing to do, even and especially if there are good reasons to do so. Some try ghosting, or manufactured arguments as a way to unwind a relationship but both approaches violate trust--the essence of any good relationship in the first place. In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about ways in which you can exit a relationship that isn't working while respecting your former partner, allowing you both to gain closure and move on with your lives. For a complete transcript, click here: LL51-Breaking Up
The birth of your firstborn can be a wonderful blessing but it also changes many dynamics in a relationship. Navigating the early days of parenthood to say nothing of the challenges to your health, sleep, and romantic life can add an unwelcome burden. In this episode, Alvean and Doug discuss the real world implications and offer some strategies for a graceful and mature transition. For a complete transcript, click here: LL50-And Baby Makes Three
Families can be a wonderful source of support and nurture but sometimes they can be downright toxic to a relationship. In this episode Alvean and Doug talk about the latter and how couples can address the challenge of family members that create unhealthy drama. For moer, and a full transcript, click here: LL49 -Toxic Families
In this episode Alvean and Doug talk about the question of age differences in a relationship. Alvean is in her 40's and Doug in his 70's which gives them both a unique perspective on this question. Can May/December unions really work? Tune into this episode to hear what they have to say and get a full transcript here: LL48-Does Age Matter?
Getting what you want in life and in your relationships shouldn't be a struggle or a win/lose battle. In fact, getting what you want is all about understanding what your requirements are for fulfillment and happiness and communicating those effectively to your partner. It is not a negotiation or a battle you seek but a reciprocal accommodation that will further both your own desires and your partner's. In this episode, Alvean and Doug offer some strategies for achieving this blissful state of being. For a full transcript, click here: LL47-Getting What You Want
When there are issues in a relationship or challenges that must be navigated it is often the case that one or the other partner will turn to friends or family to act as counselors. It is one of the worst things one can do to maintain trust and avoid unending reprecussions. In this episode, Alvean and Doug offer real life stories and advice about how to handle differences and avoid the trap of making family and friends into therapists or umpires. For a full transcript, click here: LL-46 Friends and Family as Counselors
The Children's TV Host, Mr. Rogers would sign off his show with this statement, "I love you just the way you are". Perhaps that is why so many adults years later have such fond memories of Mr. Rogers. He knew how to love without conditions. To be honest it isn't easy. And it is not unusual for partners in a relationship to try, subtly or otherwise to change their significant others into a different version. Total acceptance, though, forms a powerful bond, one that can survive every pressure and challenge a relationship holds. In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about ways to cultivate that kind of acceptance and how to build an invincible bond with your mate. For a complete transcript, click here: LL45-I love you Just the Way You Are
At some point in their lives most people will ask of themselves what their purpose is or should be. Is it about your work, family, your children or some higher calling perhaps? Finding one's purpose gives meaning to life and the search for purpose grows stronger as we age. In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about the existential search and how one might go about finding your reason for being. For a full transcript of the episode, click here: LL44-Finding Purpose
When the initial rush of love and chemistry cools down, partners in a relationship can sometimes experience a kind of buyer’s remorse. They might wonder if the day to day life they are living is all there is to love or marriage. In this episode, Alvean and Doug explore the ways in which our feelings mature and change over time and how we can maintain a healthy openness to new experiences and seeing our partners in new ways. For a full transcript of the episode, click here: LL43-Is That All There Is?
When conflict arises in a relationship, as it does from time to time, and resolution seems difficult to attain, how do couples avoid the tendency to fight or run from conflict. Neither is an effective strategy for ending the conflict, much less preventing its recurrence. In this episode, Alvean and Doug offer some highly effective strategies for coping with conflict and for healing the wounds. For a full transcript, click here: LL42-Fight or Flight
The marriage vows remind us that we are bound to one another in both sickness and health but reality can be harsh, especially when your partner in life has a debilitating, life threatening or terminal disease. Being a supporter, caregiver and companion requires a great deal of an individual and to do so while keeping the love between you growing can become an afterthought. Speaking from their own personal experience, Alvean and Doug talk about the reality of caring for a sick partner and loved one. For a full transcript, click here:LL41-In Sickness & in Health
Couples change over time but growing older does not have to mean growing apart or growing stale in the relationship. Keeping yourself and your partner youthful in body and spirit is key to enjoying your love at every stage of life. In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about how to maintain and when necessary rekindle those attributes that you have learned to love about one another and how to see each other through fresh eyes. For a full transcript, click here: LL40-Growing Older
When the first rush and chemistry of young attraction fades, the serious business of learning to love and love deeply, begins. Relationships need room and work to flourish. They don’t just grow organically but require tending and renewal. In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about strategies for strengthening your relationship and breathing freshness and depth to it. For a full transcript, click here: LL39-After the Love
It seems the news on almost every front is dispiriting these days. Everywhere we turn there is negativity and it can get you down, turning a positive attitude negative in short order. In this episode, Alvean and Doug discuss the ways one can find the positive energy in a negative environment and how couples can help one another achieve an affirming relationship. For a complete transcript, click here: LL38-Staying Positive in a Negative World
Getting what you want without coercion, manipulation or worse is all about the art of persuasion. Couples need to learn how to achieve their individual and mutual relationship goals in a manner that leaves them both satisfied. In this episode, Alvean and Doug discuss the persuasion rules and tools for negotiation that engender mutual respect and win/win solutions. For a full transcript, click here: LL37-The Art of Persuasion
Listening is one of the most important skills in relationship building. Really hearing what the other person has to say–rather than simply acknowledging with half attention is not only a courtesy it is a profound sign of engagement and investment. In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about the art of tuning in to what others have to say and the downside of tuning out when you are into yourself or just not into what your SO has to say. For a full transcript, click here: LL36-Listening-Tune in or Tune out
We love them both but sometimes kids or pets become an issue in a relationship. Navigating the sensitivities that attach to our children and pets can be extremely trying. Fortunately, Alvean and Doug have some counsel for ways to skillfully avoid contention and ensure you are all on the same page. For a full transcript of this episode, click here: LL35-When Kids or Pets are in the way
Couples that pray together stay together, or so the saying goes. Is there any truth to this? In this episode Alvean and Doug explore the question of faith in relationships and whether it is truly a force that binds or a source of friction. For a full transcript, click here:LL34-Couples That Pray Together
In this episode, Alvean and Doug explore the reasons that people in relationships quarrel. It may not be too serious, or it can be a sign of underlying issues that need to be resolved, and soon. To find out which and ways to resolve differences in a healthy and loving manner you can listen and read the attached transcript: LL29-Why Do Couples Quarrel?
Couples argue about many things, but money is a very common issue. In this episode Alvean and Doug take on the question of why this is a contentious issue, and how to avoid making it into one that can wreck and otherwise healthy relationship. For a full transcript, click here: LL32-Why Do couples Quarrel About Money?
Flirting can be fun and add some needed spice in your life and be a very positive experience for others but it also can be dangerous to you and your relationships. Learn how and when to flirt in this episode as Alvean and Doug unpack the art of flirtation. For a complete transcript click here: LL31-Why Men and Women Flirt
Is it really Mars and Venus or are the differences between men and women that significant? In this episode Alvean and Doug put a spotlight on the real divide–and it may surprise you. For more listen to the episode and read the attached transcript in full: LL30-How Men and Women Differ
Has the steam gone out of your relationship? Are you mourning for the past? In this episode, Alvean and Doug help you find you way back to what you once had, a passionate and engaged relationship with your significant other. For a full transcript, click here; LL33-How to Bring Passion Back?
People can die of a broken heart, it isn’t just an old wives tale. We all know that breaking up with someone you care for hurts–sometimes irreparably. In the same way, though, deep and abiding love has the power to heal–not just emotional wounds. Alvean and Doug talk about their experience and research on the power that relationships have in promoting health, longevity and in healing real ailments. Fot a complete transcript, click here: LL28-Can Love Heal?
It is not just in songs , in real life we may find ourselves trying to sort out our feelings for more than one person. Is it really possible to sustain that feeling or must it give way, and what is the right thing to do in such circumstances? For answers to these questions and more listen to Alvean and Doug discuss exclusivity and mutuality in this episode. For a full transcript, click here:LL27-Can you love two people equally?
Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who simply does not share, lacks empathy, and cannot relate to anyone but themselves? Chances are at some point in your life you may have run across someone who fits that description,. Whether you have or are just wondering why some people are all about themselves, this is the episode that unwinds it all. Listen to Alvean and Doug discuss their experience with narcissism and self absorption. For a full transcript, click here: LL26-It is all about me
There is a great difference between loneliness and being lonely. In this episode, Alvean and Doug explore what it means to be alone and cast some light on the unexpected joys of being alone without feel lonely. For more and a full transcript, click here: LL25-Savoring Loneliness
It’s not only kids who engage in this struggle for control, surprisingly adults at every stage of life do as well. When that wrestling match roils in a relationship it can be destructive–at the least a source of constant friction. Alvean and Doug talk about the ways in which fights over money, sex, parenting and other issues are really sublimations of control issues. For a full transcript of the episode, click here: LL24-You’re not the Boss of Me
You’ve probably heard it said that opposites personalities attract one another but is there any truth to this folklore? In this episode Alvean and Doug explore that question and talk about what actually causes us to be attracted to someone. For more and a full transcript, click here:LL23-Do Opposites Attract
The green eyed monster that poisons relationships and causes a world of pain is something everyone hopes to avoid. But jealousy can take many forms and some are subtle. In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about the signs and the ways to address budding jealousy. For a full transcript click here: LL22-Jealousy
It isn’t unusual at all. You break up but the connection remains and despite whatever caused the parting of ways you are both drawn to each other. Should you go back? Does it ever work out? Alvean and Doug talk about the challenges and the possibilities of a second chance. For more about the episode click on the link for a full transcript:LL21-Getting Back with Your Ex
When relationships end, and when they end badly it sometimes happens that love is transformed into anger and in extreme cases an ex can become vindictive. In this episode, Alvean and Doug explore ways to manage such situations with grace. For a full transcript of the episode, click here:LL20-Vindictive Ex’s
Perhaps one of the most important attributes we can have as humans is empathy for our fellow beings. But empathy is often misunderstood and some have difficulty expressing it. In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about empathy through the lens of their personal experiences. For a full transcript, click here: LL19-Empathy is a Lost Virtue
We may wear many faces in life, and often they mask who we really are, because we are fearful, or have suffered a past hurt, or have simply learned to put on a brave front. In this episode, Alvean and Doug reveal the power that comes with showing others that you are vulnerable, able to feel and empathize. For a full transcript, click here; LL18-Vulnerability
Most of us will ask at some point why we are here, what our purpose is, and what our lives are all about. In this episode, Alvean and Doug ponder that question, what really matters. You might be surprised at what they have to say. For a full transcript, click here:LL17
In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about the byproduct of painful experience; the wisdom that follows once we have processed the life lesson we are meant to learn. Although we all wish to avoid pain--few are spared. But there are ways to cope and to transform those emotions into something that will endure. For mre, see the attached transcript: LL16
It is bad enough to lie to someone else, worse yet to lie to oneself. Alvean and Doug talk about the ways in which we can deceive ourselves even though that may not be our intention, and how we can spot these tendencies if or when they emerge. For a full transcript, click here: LL15.
To love openly and honestly requires vulnerability creating the potential for heartbreak if a relationship founders. In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about the grieving process that occurs when a relationship ends and talk about the ways in which one can use the experience to learn and grow stronger. For more and a complete transcript, click here:LL14
In this episode, Alvean and Doug follow last week's post 'Surviving Infidelity' with a discussion on the ways in which couples can work together to prevent cheating, and create a relationship based in trust and transparency. For a full transcript of the episode, click here:LL13
It is one of the hardest trials to overcome, when someone with whom you are in relationship violates trust and cheats. Can love survive this offense or is everything poisoned forever? Alvean and Doug talk about the redemptive power of forgiveness and the steps one must take to find a way back to a loving, honest and abiding relationship. For a full transcript, click here: LL12
Alvean and Doug dish about the best advice they each have received over the years. Some surprising counsel is on hand in this episode and complete transcript of which can be found here: LL11
Whether it's a difference of race, religion, nationality or any other cultural divide, relationships can get more interesting and sometimes more complicated when the partners come from different backgrounds. Alvean and Doug talk about the hurdles and the ways in which they can be surmounted in this episode. For more and a full transcript, click here: LL10
When children are involved relationships get more complicated and especially when those children are from a prior marriage. How and when to blend two families is a critical question deserving of patience and tact--especially if there are exes involved who are birth parents. In this episode, Alvean and Doug take on the many issues surrounding blended families and offer some counsel about how to approach it. For more and a full transcript, click here: LL09
Many of us were raised in a traditional family structure and are used to the idea that the man in the family is the breadwinner. In today's world that assumption can be a presumption as women take their rightful place in the working world and attain positions that compensate them at levels that may be more--even a good deal more than their partner. In a perfect world that should not be an issue but it can result in some friction if it is not addressed early and both partners have a healthy sense of self esteem. In this episode Alvean and Doug explore the ways in which couples can navigate this arrangement successfully. For more and a complete transcript click here: LL08
Maybe you've heard a friend say it, or perhaps said it yourself: Why can't I find a good man, a good women? Are they all taken, or are your requirements simply too picky? Alvean and Doug unpack the question in this episode and explore the reasons we find some people attractive and others not so much--and how we can sometimes sabotage ourselves by finding faults that may or may not exist even before a relationship has a chance of getting started. For more and a full transcript click here: LL07
Breaking up a relationship is never easy and it shouldn't be, after all at one time you both were in love or thought you were. Regardless of the reasons for ending it, there is a right and a wrong way to go about it. In this episode Alvean and Doug offer some insight and suggestions about how to minimize the pain for both of you. For more and a full transcript, click here: LL06
Partners in a relationship--especially a new one often ask if what they are feeling is real or just a short term infatuation. In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about the ways in which we can identify and test our own feelings and gauge the truth of those to whom we are attracted. For a full transcript of this episode, click here: LL04
It has been said that life is the play we put on while we learn how to act.. Learning to love and creating loving relationships is the foundation for an expansive heart--a forgiving, and generous spirit. In this episode, Alvean and Doug discuss the ways in which we can make this a conscious part of our daily life. For a transcript of this episode, click here:LL03
In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about how we choose people on which to model our own lives. Sometimes it is a parent or caregiver but often it can be another relative or as we age, a colleague/mentor, a close friend, or even a figure from history. The process is not always a conscious one but become aware of these models is not only instructive, but crucial to understanding ourselves. For a full transcript click here: LL02
Perhaps you have had one or at least met the type. Passive aggressive behavior is easily recognized but the signs are often subtle: sarcasm, extended silence, subtle criticism, avoidance and habitual lateness are all forms of passive aggressive personalities and they can be highly corrosive. Recognizing and learning how to cope with this personality is the key to maintaining friendships and sometimes relationships. In this episode Alvean and Doug describe the personality in more detail and talk about coping mechanisms for those who have such individuals in their lives. For a full transcript, click here: 68-The Passive-Aggressive Partner
A lot has been written, especially of late, about the pros and cons of social media in relationships. To be honest relationships are delicate and require privacy, nurture, and understanding none of which are especially common in social media. Finding a path to healthy engagement with friends and family --enjoying the socialization of digital media can be tremendously rewarding or anathema. Alvean and Doug offer some insights into how best to avoid the negative aspects without abstention. For a full transcript, click here:64-Relationships and Social Media
One of life's great joys and also a scary proposition for many, parenthood has been described as the last of the unskilled occupations. Most of us do what our parents did--or the exact opposite, neither of which is necessarily a prescription for success. In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about parenting and offer advice on how best to prepare for this awesome responsibility. For more and full transcript, click here: 65-Parenthood
It is one of those rites of passage, moving in together. It isn't a step to take lightly though. It can lead to a stronger and more meaningful relationship or it can tear at the fabric that binds you. Planning this move and learning to accept another person sharing every part of your daily existence is not something to leave to chance. That's why Alvean and Doug walk through the process and offer some counsel on what to do and what to avoid doing to ensure your move is the right one. For a full transcript, click here: 63-Moving In Together
Perhaps you have heard of the love languages--the various ways we demonstrate our feelings for one another. Understanding your own love language and those of your partner can help you both to build a better framework for communication and for expressing your feelings. Alvean and Doug describe the love languages and discuss the ways in which a fulsome recognition has helped couples grow closer bonds. A complete transcript can be found here: 66-The Love Languages
Often we seek out or find a mate who supports and empowers us--helping us to become the best possible version of ourselves we are able to be. But it is not uncommon for couples to enable one another and that can lead to a toxic and destructive form of dependency. In this episode Alvean and Doug discuss enablers and how, consciously or otherwise they can lead their significant other down a bad path. For a full transcript, click here: 67-Are you an Enabler?
If you are unattached or in what you recognize is a short term relationship you've probably given some thought to what or who you are looking for in an ideal mate. How we choose speaks volumes about us, our upbringing, family and social values. While finding the right person for you is never simple it helps if you start by understanding what you are looking for. In this episode, Alvean and Doug reflect on that process, how we identify and choose , and more importantly how we can be more certain we are making good choices. For a full transcript, click here:LL62-Your ideal mate
There is an old saying, you don't choose your family but you do choose your friends. But what does it mean to be a friend, much less a good friend. Many of us have dozens even hundreds of friends on social media but we understand they aren't all our real friends, not people who we expect to be there for us in times good and bad,more like casual acquaintances perhaps. in this episode Alvean and Doug explore what it means to be a good friend and how that reflects on us and our relationships in general. For a full transcript of this episode, click here: LL61-Are you a good friend?
For some, the word intimacy conjures the image of smoking hot sex, while others imagine a dreamier kind of romantic idyll. Like so many things in life, it turns out that intimacy is what you make it, sublime or ferocious--sexy or sweet, it is all up to you and your partner. In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk frankly about love, sex and intimacy in a relationship, how intimacy is obtained and maintained throughout our lives. For more and a complete transcript, click here:LL60-What is Intimacy
True love, something well beyond infatuation or romantic engagement endures and changes us as we grow closer to one another, There are valuable lessons to be learned by observing those who are blessed to have found that deeper and abiding relationship and Alvean and Doug offer some insight and examples for their listeners in this episode of LoveLife. For a complete transcript, click here: LL59-What has true love taught you?
There is a common misconception that humans come with use by dates when it comes to marriage. Phrases like confirmed bachelor or old maid are pejoratives used to describe those who appear to be chronologically past the age of matrimony. But is there any truth to this? Are we ever just too old, too set in our ways to find love? Alvean and Doug explore the myths and truths behind the idea in this episode of LoveLife. For a complete transcript, click here:LL58-Is there a use by date....
As the song goes, regrets I have a few. It is part of life. We are fallible and flawed and one day we are likely to do or say something that on reflection we regret. Regrets can be useful reminders that help us avoid making the same mistakes later in life but they can also become corrosive leading to bitterness and heartache. Alvean and Doug talk about the nature of regret in this episode and offer some advice about how to move on without losing sight of the lessons we are meant to keep. For a full transcript, click here: LL57-Your Biggest Regrets
Parenting , as someone once said, is the last of the unskilled occupations. Most of us have only our own life experiences to guide us and we tend to mimic or counter those experiences in our own lives depending on how we felt about them as we came of age. In this episode, Alvean and Doug discuss what can be a particularly thorny or rewarding passage for couples that have remarried and are raising children that may not be their own. For a complete transcript of the episode, click here:LL56-Relating to children from a prior relationship
As we age and enter new stages and phases of our lives our perspectives may change. What was once of great importance may no longer capture our full attention, how we feel towards a significant other may deepen or erode, our values and our convictions are not always as steady as we might think. In this episode Alvean and Doug explore the ways in which we gain or shift our perspectives through the stages of our life and what that signifies. For more, click here:LL55-How has your perspective changed with age?pdf
Threesomes may sound like a kinky form of intimacy but in reality few relationships can withstand the addition of another. While it is true we have the capacity to love more than one person in our lifetimes it generally does not mean romantic love is something we can readily share with more than one person at a time. In this episode, Alvean and Doug explore the stresses and process couples need to navigate to overcome the introduction of a third person in what was a bond of two. For a full transcript of the episode, click here: LL54-You, Me and .........
Alvean and Doug take up a fascinating topic in this episode--the things men rarely talk about but often feel strongly. Men are often viewed as the less emotional gender but nothing could be further from the truth. Behind a mask of stoicism or a veneer of masculine indifference there is a beating heart that can be easily wounded. Understanding how men really feel is important to women and men alike, so tune in to this episode or read the full transcript here: LL53-What men rarely say but often feel
You 've heard the lament before, perhaps you've said it yourself: Aren't there any good (men or women) out there? Let's face it, finding Mr. or Ms right isn't always easy and it can seem like you are a loser or that there are simply no fish in the pond. Alvean and Doug talk about the feelings that accompany seemingly futile attempts to find the person meant for you and ways that we may be sabotaging ourselves. Are our standards too high or too low? Where are we looking, and what signals are we sending, conscious or otherwise? These topics and much more can be found in this episode. For a complete transcript, click here: LL52-Are there any good men or women out there?
It is gut wrenching, and whether you are the one who brings it about or the one who gets left behind there is no easy way to navigate this emotionally difficult moment. Alvean and Doug offer some life lessons on the experience, and how to process your feelings in a constructive way. For the those who are on the receiving end, it is crucial to understand the grieving process and for those who have decided to leave a relationship for whatever reason, there are ways in which you can do so leaving your former partner with dignity and emotional respect. It is hard enough, but the two of you can become ex partners and still remain caring people. To learn how, listen to the episode and download the transcript here: LL51-Breaking Up
You were a couple and now you are about to be or already are three, and everything has changed. As welcome as the birth for a child can be for couples, it is still an emotionally and physically challenging even that will change your lives forever. Whether that change is welcome or not depends to a great extent on your own emotional orientation, empathy and understanding of the potential changes you or your partner may experience. Alvean and Doug discuss these along with some advice on how to navigate the changes successfully. For a full transcript, click here: LL50-And Baby Makes Three
Our families should offer us both emotional support and open arms but that is not always the case. Some families are dysfunctional while others are simply toxic. Alvean and Doug discuss the red flags that can reveal toxic family members and offer some strategies to address their behavior while insulating you and your partner from damage to your relationship. For a full transcript, click here:LL49 -Toxic Families
Differences between partners can make for an exciting and textured relationship, or it can be a prescription for disaster. Race, religion, social standing, wealth, and of course age are some of the differentiators that couples may wrestle with in navigating the dating and relationship landscape. In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about age and the ways it can become an impediment or a non issue in a relationship. For a complete transcript , click here: LL48-Does Age Matter?
Getting what we want, out of life and especially in our relationships can sometimes lead to a win/lose outcome. In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about mutuality; strategies for aligning your desires with those of your loved one. The key is to understand your motivations and to work from self-less rather than selfish desires. It may seem counter-intuitive but having your cake and eating it too works best when you invite your partner to dine with you. For a full transcript of this episode, click here: LL47-Getting What You Want
In this episode, Alvean and Doug discuss some of the challenges and pitfalls of turning to friends or family members for advice on your relationships. Although they may mean well, those closest to you are not without unconscious or even intentional bias that skews their counsel and can add a layer of emotional distortion that won't serve you well. In the best of cases, they are not professionals and are working only from their experience which may or may not be grounded in positive outcomes. Typically what we are looking for is validation but what we need is objectivity. For more, click here for a full transcript: LL46-Friends and Family as Counselors
The children's show host, Mr. Rogers was famous for saying "I love you just the way you are." He understood that very important affirmation was essential to convey acceptance and trust. It is just as important for adults to hear that message as it is for children. Trying to change or conform your loved one to your desire sows the seed of breakup by violating that cardinal rule about doing unto others as you would have done unto you. No one wants to manipulated or coerced into being someone they are not. We all want acceptance for who and what we are. Alvean and Doug discuss the ways in which we consciously and unconsciously signal acceptance. For a full transcript of this episode, click here: LL45-I love you Just the Way You Are
A crucial part of feeling good about yourself and your significant other is having a sense of purpose. What you want for yourself, for others and how you go about accomplishing that has everything to do with your personal happiness and sense of peace. Alvean and Doug talk about how to find your purpose in life and how that can guide your relationships. For a full transcript, click here: LL44-Finding Purpose
Early or late in a relationship you or your partner may experience a sense of dissatisfaction regarding your feelings for one another; a feeling that whatever you two have is simply not satisfying any more. It is not that unusual but it is something that you can and must address before it leads to heartache and disunion. The good news is that you can do something about these feelings by re-kindling the feelings you had for one another. Alvean and Doug tell you where and how to turn sadness, depression or adversity into a positive, affirmation of your love. For a complete transcript of this episode, click here:LL43-Is That All There Is?
Arguments, disagreements and possibly confrontation can and likely will occur at some point in a relationship no matter how loving or mature the participants. How you two handle these bumps in the road will have a profound impact on your future together. There are two classic reactions to navigate, flight or fright. Neither are very productive and Alvean and Doug explain why in this episode. They also offer some sound advice about how to work through and temper your emotions, especially when the stakes are high. For a full transcript of this episode, click here: LL42-Fight or Flight
The longer you remain in a relationship the greater the chance that you or your will fall ill; perhaps with a debilitating or life challenging condition. Beyond the stresses this will place on you both, there are likely to be some difficult decisions you will need to make. Alvean and Doug talk from personal experience about their journeys and offer some insight into acts of selflessness required in devotion to your loved one. For more and a full copy of the episode transcript, click here: LL41-In Sickness & in Health
As we age our views about love and relationships tends to change. Sometimes it is for the better, sometimes not. Navigating the ages and phases of our love life requires an expansive view. In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about the various stages and how we perceive and are seen by others. They offer some thoughts on how you can enjoy a rich and rewarding relationship at any stage of your life. For a full transcript, click here: LL40-Growing Older
Love is a constant, but what we may feel can and often does change over time. What comes after that initial burst of affection and how can we ensure that the next phase of our relationship, while different brings us closer together? Alvean and Doug talk about the ways in which couples strengthen their bonds and sadly the ways in which they let themselves grow apart through inattention, stress, and an inability to seek and find constructive compromise. For a full transcript, click here:LL39-After the Love
Let's be honest, our world is full of negative emotions and ideas these days. Whether it is health, money, politics or religion there are plenty of issues that divide us and can make us feel hopeless or tear at the foundations of our relationships. In this episode, Alvean and Doug discuss ways in which one can remain optimistic and positive--growing closer rather than further apart. For a complete transcript, click here: LL38-Staying Positive in a Negative World
Getting what you want or need--or seeking compromise requires that one learns the fine art of persuasion. Often couples are not clear about how to negotiate and persuade, instead relying on coercion, emotional blackmail or other negative tactics that ultimately erode the footings of their relationship. Alvean and Doug talk about how to unlearn this negative behavior and learn how to reach accord, For a full transcript of this episode, click here: LL37-The Art of Persuasion
The practice of active listening is an essential ingredient in a successful relationship. Sometimes we don't hear what a partner is really saying, other times we consciously tune it out. Alvean and Doug talk about the ways in which we can learn to be an active listener and when to listen versus when to talk. For more about this episode, you can find a full transcript here: LL36-Listening-Tune in or Tune out
Is it true that couples that pray together stay together? Alvean and Doug explore the question of faith and its role in relationships in this episode. For a full transcript, click here: LL34-Couples That Pray Together
Children and pets can be a blessing but they can also bring unanticipated challenges in a relationship. Alvean and Doug talk about the ways in which couples can ensure that they amplify their love rather than place obstacles in its path in their relationship with their kids and their pets. For a complete transcript, click here: LL35-When Kids or Pets are in the way
Over time the chemistry and passion that was so strong at the start of a relationship can wane. Alvean and Doug talk about ways couples can re-ignite their passion and find a new-albeit different way of seeing one another. For a full transcript of this episode, click here:LL33-How to Bring Passion Back?
In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about the many reasons men and women argue and especially about the subject of money. Fairness in how money is used and controlled and the provider vs beneficiary are at the root of many relationship issues. For more about the episode you can find a complete transcript here: LL32-Why Do couples Quarrel About Money?
Alvean and Doug have some fun with this provocative topic about the reasons men and women flirt. It isn't always for the reasons you may suspect. Flirting is fun, arousing, and can be a healthy outlet but sometimes it can violate trust or lead to the dissolution of a relationship. For more, listen to the episode and click here for a complete transcript: LL31-Why Men and Women Flirt
It is no secret that men and women think, act and feel differently, but is what ways? Those differences can be a cause of friction or a delightful and strengthening quality. It's all in how you look at it. Alvean and Doug talk about those differences and ways to celebrate each other's unique qualities. For a full transcript, click here: LL30-How Men and Women Differ
Fighting is a part of most relationships but it doesn't have to be hurtful. Alvean and Doug talk about why couples argue and how to do so constructively. For more and a full transcript, click here: LL29-Why Do Couples Quarrel?
Love can be painful but can it also heal? Alvean and Doug talk about the nurturing qualities that a strong relationship can generate and ways in which two people can consciously help each other to grow and heal. For a full transcript of this episode, click here: LL28-Can Love Heal?
It isn't just a song--sometimes we find ourselves unable to choose between two people for whom we have deep feelings. Is it possible to sustain this awkward situation? How can you make a choice when it is seemingly impossible and always painful? For answers to these and other questions, listen to Alvean and Doug in this episode. For a full transcript, click here: LL27-Can you love two people equally?
We have all had someone in our lives who was narcissistic or put simply self absorbed. In a relationship, that one-sided behavior can lead to both a lack of constructive reciprocity and hurt. Alvean and Doug give some examples that help identify those who practice this destructive behavior and strategies to address it. For a full transcript of the episode, click here: LL26-It is all about me
Loneliness is often thought of as something to be avoided, but in this episode Alvean and Doug talk about the virtues of being alone and even when we do not choose to be so, how to use such times to learn about and nurture ourselves. For a full transcript, click here: LL25-Savoring Loneliness
In this episode Avean and Doug talk about the struggle for control--sometimes power--in a relationship. Are there ways to avoid this decidedly uncomfortable and potentially damaging behavior? For a complete transcript of the episode, click here: LL24-You're not the Boss of Me
Many people say that opposites are the most attractive catch, while conventional wisdom is to find someone with whom you have a lot in common. Alvean and Doug talk about the upsides and downsides of both in this episode. For a full transcript, click here: LL23-Do Opposites Attract
It wasn't the serpent, it was Jealousy. That might not be the way the Bible tells it but more relationships have been ruined by jealousy than any other cause. It's not fun on either side, being the jealous one or the one who is suspected of a wandering eye. Alvean and Doug discuss the ways in which you can avoid the bitter pill of jealousy, build trust, and secure your relationship. For more information and a full transcript of this episode, click here: LL22-Jealousy
It's oh so tempting and many try, but few succeed. Getting back together with an ex can be the right thing to do but there is a right way to go about it to ensure you don't make the same mistakes that caused you to part in the first place. Alvean and Doug talk about the pros and the pitfalls, offering some sound advice about when you should and when you should take a hard pass. For more about this episode, click here:LL21-Getting Back with Your Ex
Everyone has a story about the vindictive ex. Maybe it happened to you or to a friend but it is one of the most difficult and unsettling experiences you are likely to go through in your romantic life. Alvean and Doug talk about how best to navigate this difficult and toxic situation--and how to avoid it in the first place by ensuring that if you part ways with a former lover you do so with respect and kindness. For a full transcript of the episode, click here: LL20-Vindictive Ex's
In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about the power of empathy in a relationship. You must learn to love yourself first, and through that experience learn what it means to be a source of support, comfort, and counsel for those you love. Empathy cannot be faked, it must be felt and it is the key to building a trusting and empowering dynamic between two people. For a full transcript of the episode, click here: LL19-Empathy is a Lost Virtue
Most of us have a protective instinct that we use to shield ourselves from being hurt. But too often those protective measures get in the way of genuine intimacy and deep abiding relationship. In this episode, Alvean and Doug talk about the power that can be harnessed by permitting oneself to be vulnerable, to lay bare the true self. As scary as they may feel it is often the best or only way to achieve what one desires. For a full transcript, click here:LL18-Vulnerability
It is an age old question, why am I here--what is my reason for being? Humans have long sought the answers to life's most challenging question: what really matters? Alvean and Doug tackle this thorny question with observations about the sources of happiness and contentment that mean and women have searched for their entire lives. You can find a full transcript of this episode here: LL17
In this episode, Alvean and Doug continue on the theme of the past few weeks in their revelations about the wisdom that is often gained amidst very painful experiences. It has been said that life is a poor teacher because it administers tests and only then, the lesson. How we ensure that the lesson is learned, not repeated has a great deal to do with how willing we are to look for the answers when we are least comfortable doing so. For a complete transcript of this episode, click here:LL16
Is it possible to lie to yourself? The answer, surprisingly, is yes. We do it all the time, hide what we know to be the truth because the truth is too painful, we are afraid of the consequences, or have repressed the feelings that led to our self deceit. Regardless of the reasons, these lies hurt us and can, if left un-challenged result in emotional scars and long term psychological challenges. Alvean and Doug discuss some of the patterns that reveal our behavior and how we can go about probing our own minds to reveal the truth. For a full transcript of this episode, click here: LL15
Ending any relationship is painful, regardless of whether it was your decision or your partner's. Time is often the only way to heal but there are ways to move forward and restore the self-love that is necessary to any successful relationship in the future. Alvean and Doug talk from experience about how one begins that process. For a complete transcript, click here:LL14
Following last week's episode on surviving infidelity, listeners asked if it is possible to prevent cheating? Alvean and Doug take on the question and offer some thoughts about the conditions that lead to cheating and the very real differences between serial behavior and a one time mistake. They also discuss the not so hidden clues that you should be aware of when cheating could be on the horizon. For a full transcript, click here: LL13
Perhaps the most difficult challenge, infidelity erodes trust the fundamental cornerstone of all healthy relationships. Moving past the act itself and learning to understand why it occurred and whether it is likely to happen again is critical to any hope of mending what has been broken between you. In this episode, Alvean and Doug discuss the underlying obstacles and how you can navigate the stormy waters of infidelity. For a complete transcript, click here: LL12
Alvean and Doug talk about the best advice they ever received and share stories from listeners as well. Click here for a complete transcript:LL11
Let's face it, relationships aren't always easy--they require real effort, patience and understanding on the part of both parties. When differences in race, religion, politics or culture come into play they can be fraught with even greater challenges. Alvean and Doug discuss those challenges and ways in which couples can help ensure they make their relationship a safe harbor. For more, and a full transcript, click here: LL10
Second or third marriages bring both the opportunity to find happiness in the wake of a divorce or widowhood but they can also pose some challenges especially when children are involved. Blending your two families requires patience, acceptance and sensitivity to how children process emotional attachment and sibling relationships. Alvean and Doug talk about when and how to navigate this rite of passage. For a full transcript of this episode, click here: LL09
With apologies for the title, this post should say when one person in a relationship earns more than another, because as we know this issue is a common source of potential imbalance in a relationship that can lead to a number of issues. We do hear about a fragile male ego, but the truth is while that may have something to do with some couples' clashes it is really about self imposed and societal expectations of roles within a relationship that is the cause of the division. Alvean and Doug discuss the traps we might create for ourselves and how to find a healthy balance that recognizes the value of the contributions both partners bring to each other. Hint, it isn't only about the cash! For a full transcript of this episode, click here:LL08
I just can't seem to find the right man; every woman I meet is ........; there are no good men left. Do these and similar statements seem familiar to you? If so, the problem may not be with the universe but with you. Alvean and Doug discuss the ways we may be sabotaging our dating life, creating unreasonable expectations , seeking impossible perfection, or revealing our own insecurities. Relationships may look easy from the outside or in the first blush of affection and chemistry but they take effort to succeed over the long term. Find out more about how you score in the relationship game. A full transcript of this episode can be found here: LL07
Let's face it, breaking up, as the song says, is hard to do. Unless you are callous or exiting a toxic relationship no one wants to consciously hurt another person. There are ways to help a former lover to gain appropriate closure and free them and yourself to move on. It still hurts, but these approaches which Alvean and Doug discuss are not only the right way they are the kind way to help you both through a difficult passage. For more and a complete transcript, click here:LL06
Is there such a thing as a soulmate? Are we destined to find our true love, a match made literally in heaven? Alvean and Doug explore these beliefs and the truths behind real and lasting relationships. You'll be surprised. Learn about couples who have life long commitment, who pass from this life within minutes of one another, who seem to defy the odds against life long happiness. How do they do it? This and more in this episode. For a full transcript, please click here: LL05
Sometimes it is hard to know if what you feel, or what your significant other is expressing are genuine emotions. What is real--true and likely to last? Alvean and Doug discuss the ways in which we can explore our hearts and plumb the depths of others' feelings. For more, click here: LL04
Some say love can break your heart but Alvean and Doug talk about how loving relationships expand our hearts, however they may turn out. For a full transcript of the episode, click here: LL03
How it all began. When Alvean and Doug first met they knew at once they wanted to work together and out of that meeting the Love Life podcasts were born. In this first episode they talk about how they met, and give some background on their life stories. For a full transcript of the episode, click here:LL01-
She is suddenly cool and aloof. When you ask what's wrong she says nothing but you know that isn't the case. That is passive aggressive behavior. He agrees to do something together but sulks all day--passive aggressive behavior is at work. Alvean and Doug discuss how to recognize and deal with a partner when they are consciously or unconsciously displaying passive aggressive tendencies. To learn more and for a full transcript of this episode, click here: 68-The Passive-Aggressive Partner
Jokingly it has been said that parenthood is the last of the unskilled occupations. There is some truth to this. How we learn to parent has a great deal to do with how we were parented and that may be for the good or bad. Parenting requires abundant patience, compassion and listening skills as well as some good model. Find out more in this episode as Alvean and Doug talk about what makes for good parenting. For a full transcript, click here: 65-Parenthood
For many people, social media is where they play out their relationship dynamics. It is not usually a healthy outlet for what should remain a private and personal expression of feelings. Alvaen and Doug discuss the dangers and pitfalls of social media and how it can be come a corrosive element--the third party in a relationship of two. For a complete transcript of this episode, click here: 64-Relationships and Social Media
They may be parent's, family, friends or even people we don't know personally, but choose them as role models in our lives. Discovering who your models are, why you chose them and how they can affect your relationships for better or worse is the subject of this episode. For a full transcript, click here:LL02
It's a big step and one that is fraught with tests of your relationship. Habits that may be endearing in small does can become irritating when they occur all the time--differences in needs and desires--ranging from simple things like personal habits, the need for entertainment or solitude, even what you want to eat or when to go to sleep can become points of contention. Alvean and Doug talk about the considerations one should have in making the move to love and live together. For more about this and a full transcript, click here:63-Moving In Together
How we show our love has everything to do with the love languages we speak. For some, the giving of gifts or time is their way of expressing love. For others it is romantic gestures or physical closeness. Learn what you love language is and how you and your partner can learn to recognize each other's expressions of love even and especially when they may not be the same. For more information and a complete transcript of this episode, click here: 66-The Love Languages
We are told that we'll know our ideal mate when we first meet them, but that is as often as not really what happens. The deep bonds and lasting commitment between two people takes time and nurture to reach fulfillment . The thunderclap of instant love is too often a chemical or romantic impulse . How do you learn to tell the difference and more important, how can you learn to recognize those individuals that have the capacity to love and be loved fully? Answers to these and other questions can be found in this episode. For more, and a full transcript, click here: LL62-Your ideal mate
It has been said that great relationships begin with great friendships. Whether those friendships advance to something more romantic or not--learning what it means to be a good friend is an important life lesson. Alvean and Doug discuss the hallmarks of friendship and how reciprocity and selflessness are characteristic of the committed partners. For a complete transcript of this episode, click here: LL61-Are you a good friend?
Alvean and Doug talk about what makes for true intimacy in a relationship. For many people intimacy is code language for sex, but this is a very one dimensional view of something that encompasses a range of emotions and connections between people that can be entirely platonic or ragingly passionate. For more about this episode a full transcript can be found here: LL60-What is Intimacy
Is there such a thing as true love? How do we recognize it and what are the lessons we can take from couples that have been so fortunate as to find someone they are committed to for life? Alvean and Doug discuss these and other questions about the nature of love and commitment in this episode. For a full transcript, click here:LL59-What has true love taught you?
Is there a 'use by' date for marriage? Do relationships sour if they fail to move to a next level? These and other views about how love and bonding work are the topic of this episode as Doug & Alvean discuss how couples can take a long view of the ever changing ever evolving nature of their commitment to one another. For more about this episode and a full transcript, click here:LL58-Is there a use by date....
Living in the past is an unhealthy and potentially destructive behavior. We all have regrets at some point in our lives but no amount of emotional investment can change what has occurred. Alvean and Doug discuss strategies for learning from our past experiences while avoiding the pitfalls of allowing our regrets to rob of us our happiness in the present. For more about this episode and a full transcript, click here: LL57-Your Biggest Regrets
Raising children together can be one of the most rewarding things a couple can do but at times also the most challenging. The challenges can be even greater when the children are not your own. Alvean and Doug talk about emotional bonds that father and mothers have with their children and children of another partner and how you can cope with co-parenting when a divorce or re-marriage occurs due to the loss of a spouse. For a full transcript of this episode, click here: LL56-Relating to children from a prior relationship
As we move though our lives our perspectives and emotional response to others and to life situations change--sometimes for the better and sometimes the worse. Alvean and Doug talk about how these changes affect us and how we can recognize their impact on our emotional health. For a complete transcript, click here: LL55-How has your perspective changed with age?pdf
Torn between two lovers is more than a song title--it is sometimes a reality and can lead to devastating consequences for everyone involved in a relationship triangle. In this episode Alvean and Doug discuss the challenges and chart a course to navigate the emotional seas. For a full transcript of this episode, click here:LL54-You, Me and .........
There are times when Men and Women can be opaque to one another--prompting a good deal of misunderstanding and emotional trial. In this episode, Doug & Alvean explore the real feelings behind things men do say and don't. Getting in touch with one's feelings--expressing them to others is not a given and for men in particular an experience for which they may not be well prepared. Whether you are a man who wants to learn how to better communicate your feelings or a woman trying to decipher what may be confusing signals, this episode can help. For a full transcript, click here:LL53-What men rarely say but often feel
Have you ever heard someone say this? Maybe you have said it yourself after a period of unfortunate misses in the dating scene. Alvean and Doug talk about the whys and the whos that we encounter while looking for our ideal mate and how we can sometimes sabotage ourselves along the way. The answer is yes--there are good men and women out there but it matters a great deal whether you are looking in the right places and whether you are ready for the right one when they come along. For more, click here fr a full transcript; LL52-Are there any good men or women out there?
The song title says it all, breaking up is hard to do. But there are ways to part company without scorching the earth. Alvean and Doug talk about their own experience and the strategies they have found for bringing you both to the conclusion that moving on alone is better than together. For more, see the attached transcript of this episode here: LL51-Breaking Up
When a little one comes along it changes things--in some cases for the better but it can also expose weaknesses in a relationship that could tear a family apart. Alvean and Doug talk about navigating parenthood, the last of the unskilled occupations and one few are prepared for. For a full transcript of this episode, click here: LL50-And Baby Makes Three
What do you do when your family or your partner get involved in your relationship and become a destructive force? Are there such things as toxic families? Alvean and Doug talk about the role and importance of building a solid "us" fortress that sets you and your partner apart from negative influences so neither of you need to choose or worry about what family might think or say. They also offer some tips for diagnosing toxicity when you see it. For a complete transcript of this episode, click here:LL49 -Toxic Families
We read about May/December relationships where one person is considerably older than another. And we also hear about relationships between those who seem very young or very old. Does age really matter or can two people find love and sustainability regardless of these distinctions? Alvean discuss age and its bearing on successful relationships in this episode, for which a copy of the transcript can be found here: LL48-Does Age Matter?
Alvean and Doug talk about strategies for negotiating with your mate. How do you get what you want without forcing your partner to give up what is important to them? How do you create win win solutions in difficult circumstances? These and other questions make for an intriguing episode. For a complete transcript, click here:LL47-Getting What You Want
Alvean and Doug discuss the challenges that can occur when family or friends are invited or insinuate themselves into a relationship. They may have every good intention but there are pitfalls to non-professional counseling that can often exacerbate underlying issues or even create them where they do not currently exist. For a full transcript of this episode, click here: LL46-Friends and Family as Counselors
You find each other, fall in love and the chemistry and positive feelings pull you along what seems a never ending and positive current. Then you hit a snag--one or the other of you suddenly signals the need for change. Maybe it is some habit or personality quirk--maybe something more serious but the struggle for control and the daily wearing down of complaints or unhappiness become a weight that threatens to sink your relationship. It doesn't have to be this way--but you cannot solve it by ignoring the problem. Learning to listen to each other without judgment, to find ways to meet each others needs and to set priorities that respect health compromise is the art of relationships. Living together is easy in the short run--harder over time and finding the way to grow closer rather than further apart is the key to a healthy and happy relationship. Alvean and Doug offer strategies for coping with dissatisfaction--learning to love your partner just as they are. For a copy of the full transcript of this episode, click here: LL45-I love you Just the Way You Are
It happens to most of us, we become absorbed in the daily business of living and one day we look up from our tasks and routines and ask ourselves what we are doing--what our lives are really all about. It may come in your later years--or even in your younger ones but that question is one we are likely to be presented with sooner or later. Maybe your purpose is family, your work, your faith, or something else entirely, but finding the one thing that gives you the energy and strength to persevere and to relish your days is a gift we all need to receive. Alvean and Doug talk about how to begin the process--to find and embrace your purpose in life. You can find a full transcript of this episode here: LL44-Finding Purpose
In a perfect world your relationship with a loved one would grow stronger over time but life has a way of dealing challenges that can result in just the opposite; a feeling that there must be something else, something better just over the horizon. That feeling can lead to the death of your relationship but it isn't inevitable. Learning to avoid the apathy and entropy that can overwhelm you or your partner is within your grasp, and Alvean and Doug talk about how you find the emotional and psychological center from which to begin. There is so much more to come--and you can have it all. For a full transcript of this episode, click here: LL43-Is That All There Is?
Conflict of any kind is a challenge to every relationship. Without mediation we are hard wired to fight or to flee--and neither of these instinctual responses is a healthy way to strengthen your bond with those you love. There are ways to avoid the trap of responding by reflex, and keeping your emotions from overwhelming you or your partner. Alvean and Doug talk about how to practice the skills you'll need to find your way through those tough moments keeping you both on the same page, working together, and not at cross purposes. Learning to do this will result in a bond so strong it can withstand almost any challenge you will face together. You can find a full transcript of this episode here: LL42-Fight or Flight
It is probable that at some point in your relationship one of you will become seriously ill. We don't like to think about the prospect but especially in present times it is a reality we may have to face. Navigating the future can be daunting when the one you love is challenged by sickness and you are suddenly in the role of caregiver--no longer lover, but companion, cheerleader or nurse. Hopefully it will all end well, but the journey is often bumpy, full of turns and twists you cannot foresee or control. Alvean and Doug talk about their own personal experiences with these challenges and offer their thoughts on how such moments can be opportunities to deepen your relationship and see your partner in new and powerful ways. A complete transcript can be found here: LL41-In Sickness & in Health
Growing older brings changes--whether it is the difference between your 20's and 30's or decades beyond. How do you keep your relationship on solid ground through all of the changes you experience together? Is it true that things get easier or the opposite? When the chemistry is not what it was, life's daily challenges increasingly get in the way, and so many things compete for your attention how can you ensure that you and your partner in life face things together and not apart? Alvean and Doug discuss the strategies for maintaining a strong and vibrant relationship in the face of adversity and some of the joys of growing older together. For a full transcript of the episode, click here: LL40-Growing Older
What do you do when the love you once felt seems over? Is it enough to just live together without love, or is there a way to rekindle the feelings you once had for one another? Alvean and Doug talk about the emotional, psychological and even the spiritual roots of love, why it can grow or diminish over time, and what you can do to keep it fresh and alive. For a full transcript of this episode, click here: LL39-After the Love
We are in the midst of a tremendously challenging time--health, security and our very lives may be threatened by events over which we may have little or no control. Finding a center of strength and serenity in the midst of chaos--finding the positive is a critical skill. Alvean and Doug talk about how you can learn to find that core ability and use it to help yourself and those you love. For a full transcript, click here: LL38-Staying Positive in a Negative World
Fight or flight may be a strategy among animals but it is a poor way to try to solve interpersonal difficulties. Alvean and Doug discuss the art of persuasion-the process that help you and your partner find the middle ground where win or lose becomes win and win. To see a complete transcript of this episode click here:LL37-The Art of Persuasion
Sometimes we are on broadcast when we should be on receive. Learning to listen goes a long way in building strong and loving relationships but it does not come naturally. We all need to learn to listen. Alvean and Doug talk about how we can learn to be a good listener--and especially for men, how to stop being a problem solver and start becoming a source of emotional support. To read a full transcript, click here:LL36-Listening-Tune in or Tune out
No matter how much we may love our children or our pets--there are times when they can become the focus of a relationship in a way that causes couples to divide rather than come together. Alvean and Doug discuss the challenge of being good parents and good lovers--and offer some strategies for keeping boundaries in your life. A complete transcript of the episode can be found here: LL35-When Kids or Pets are in the way
Is it true? Does faith play a part in keeping relationships strong or is that just folklore? Alvean and Doug explore this question with some real life examples and personal experience. For a complete transcript of the episode, click here:LL34-Couples That Pray Together
After the first rush--the chemistry of love, feelings can dim--or be caught up in the business of living. Sometimes stress or outside conditions --children, relatives, work--can get in the way. How do you recapture the passion? Alvean and Doug offer some insights into what drives our emotions and how to restore a sense of energy and excitement to your relationship. For a full transcript of this episode, click here:LL33-How to Bring Passion Back?
Among several issues that couples argue about--money figures prominently. Sometimes one partner is a spender and the other a saver--while the source of money--who earned it and who spends it-- can become a divisive issue. In this episode Alvean and Doug talk about the challenge of keeping such issues from crowding out the emotional health of your relationship and offer some counsel on how to resolve your differences. For a full transcript of the episode, click here:LL32-Why Do couples Quarrel About Money?
Sometimes it's innocent and other times a prelude to something more but whatever the intent, men and women flirt and do so whether they are in a committed relationship or not. Is it harmless or hurtful? How can you tell the difference and how can you learn to enjoy attraction without stepping over the line. Answers to these questions and more in this episode. For a full transcript, click here:LL31-Why Men and Women Flirt
A popular book put it that men are from Mars and Women from Venus suggesting they are worlds apart. But that is an oversimplification of course. At the same time men and women do differ and not simply because of cultural or societal norms. Alvean and Doug talk about the differences and how they can strengthen a relationship when properly understood and addressed. Fr a full transcript, click here: LL30-How Men and Women Differ
Money, power, politics, child rearing, control: the list of things which can divide couples is nearly endless. Why does this happen and how can you avoid conflict without ceding principles? Alvean and Doug talk about conflict resolution--the power of listening and the ways in which you can agree to disagree. For a full transcript, click here: LL29-Why Do Couples Quarrel?
Alvean and Doug talk about the healing power of love and the ways in which we can perform acts of extraordinary grace through the power of love. For a full transcript, click here: LL28-Can Love Heal?
We are familiar with the song that tells the story about those who are torn between two lovers, but is this really a situation many find themselves having to address? Alvean and Doug talk about the conflict that arises when individuals turn to another either out of frustration with their relationship or emotional immaturity. For a full transcript, click here: LL27-Can you love two people equally?
Some relationships are balanced and some are not but those in which one partner makes themselves the entire focus are destined to end badly. Alvean and Doug talk about how to recognize the signs of a narcissistic partner and how to restore balance if possible. For a full transcript click here: LL26-It is all about me
Being solitary can be a trial for those who gather their energies from frequent and lively interaction while a balm for more introverted individuals. Alavena and Doug talk about ways we can learn from and increase our sense of well being from those periods in our lives when we are alone and lonely. For a full transcript of this episode, click here: LL25-Savoring Loneliness
A struggle for control is a common issue in relationships. In some cases it results in a divisive and destructive sundering of the bonds between individuals but others find their way through this thicket of emotion. Alvean and Doug talk about strategies for giving and taking, for learning to see control as a double edged weapon that can harm those who wield it even as they attempt to assert their will on others. For a full transcript of this episode, click here:LL24-You're not the Boss of Me
It is often said that having opposite interests and qualities makes for a lively relationship. But others suggest that to sustain a relationship you and your partner must have a lot in common. Which of these perspectives is true? Are either of these views supported by fact or experience? Alvean and Doug talk about the myths and the reality in this episode. For a full transcript, click here: LL23-Do Opposites Attract
One of the most corrosive and difficult emotions to overcome, Jealousy can be the seed of disunion in any relationship. Where does this emotion come from and how can we learn to control it? Alvean and Doug discuss the green eyed demon and strategies for unwinding this destructive emotion. For a complete transcript, click here: LL22-Jealousy
Is it possible for two people who have parted to reunite successfully, or is that only in the movies? Alvean and Doug talk from their personal and professional experience about the enduring power of attraction and the issue of timing and personal, emotional maturity as it bears on the question. For a full transcript of this episode, click here: LL21-Getting Back with Your Ex
How is it possible that two people who have at one time felt what they expressed as love toward one another can, at a later date, undertake the worst of offenses against their former partner. How does love become hate, and how can you find the strength to take the high road in dealing with this behavior? Alvean and Doug talk about ways to protect oneself but also about the power of forgiveness. For a complete transcript, click here: LL20-Vindictive Ex's
There is an old saying that you cannot know another person until you have walked in their shoes. It is another way of saying that empathy is the necessary first step in forming any kind of relationship, much less one that is loving. Alvean and Doug discuss the ways in which we as partners, parents and lovers must find and cultivate our expression of empathy. For a full transcript, click here: LL19-Empathy is a Lost Virtue
Much of the time men and women seek to protect themselves from unwanted pain and rejection by hardening their outer self. We learn early that to remain vulnerable opens us to opportunities for many kinds of abuse, and yet to form any durable relationship at all, we must make that leap. Alvean and Doug talk about the power that comes when we lose or fear of being vulnerable. A complete transcript of the episode can be found here: LL18-Vulnerability
The search for meaning in our lives is a common experience, but how do we know what really matters? Alvean and Doug talk about stages of awareness and growth that help us to understand and define ourselves. For a full transcript of the episode, click here:LL17
Alvean and Doug talk about the knowledge and wisdom that often accompanies a painful life experience. As hard as it is to overcome difficult circumstances in the moment, over time they can often be seen as pivotal inflection points in our lives, The process one must go through to transform pain into something that is ultimately affirming and productive requires introspection and time. For a full transcript of this episode, click here: LL16
They say that the biggest lies are the ones we tell ourselves. How do we remain true and discover our authentic selves? Doug & Alvean talk about self deception and strategies for aligning our reality with the truth. For a full transcript of this episode, click here: LL15
They say that breaking up can be the worst wound you will ever endure, leading to depression, recrimination, pain that is both emotional and physical. Alvean and Doug discuss ways in which we can begin to heal ourselves and overcome the challenges of heartbreak in this episode. For a complete transcript click here: LL14
Alvean and Doug talk about the ways in which couples seek to prevent their partners from straying. It is all about creating an atmosphere of open-ness, honest communication and reaffirmation of the bonds between couples. For a full transcript of this episode, click here: LL13
Doug & Alvean talk about the challenge of repairing a broken relationship when one or both partners prove unfaithful. Surely one of the most devastating ruptures in any relationship --infidelity violates the trust between individuals that is at the heart of their bond and while it is not impossible to overcome the effects, doing so requires patience and forgiveness as well as transparency. For a complete transcript of this episode, click here: LL12
Alvean and Doug talk about the best advice they have received over time, and why a particular bit of intervention proved to be important in their lives. For a full transcript of this episode click here: LL11