The Musicks in Japan: Recent Episodes
The Musicks in Japan
We're an American couple who has been living in Japan since 2007. Kisstopher (she/her) is a mental health therapist. Chad (he/him) is a writer. We talk about most everything in our lives, from being disabled / chronically ill to money to friends, and the role that Japan plays in them. Mostly, we want to entertain you, even though we sometimes talk about heavier topics.
K: So lately I’ve been thinking a lot about my health and everything I have going on there. And about life with a rare and chronic illness. So I have hereditary coproporphyria, which is a blood disorderC: And hard to spell (K laughs)K: Very hard to spell. And no-one… I’ve yet to meet a doctor […]
K: So lately I’ve been thinking about social groups in Japan and our socialization.C: Okay.K: And, the first one that pops out in my mind is the American Chamber of Commerce [in] Japan, but that to me kind of feels like, I don’t know, like a low-key country club, because it’s… for me, it’s super […]
K: So lately I’ve been thinking about the PhD process. You are Dr. Musick, and you have been for some time. And I’m in the process of becoming Dr. Musick.C: Yes.K: So… you got your PhD a few years back, a Japanese UniversityC: Lo these many years ago.K: (laughs) And so I kind of want […]
K: So lately I’ve been thinking about what’s cool about living in Japan, or what’s awesome about living in Japan. And the reason that I started thinking about this is a client who came to see me, here in Japan, said “It’s just so cool that you live in Japan”, and I was like “Yo, […]
K: So lately I’ve been thinking about how we make our money. Mostly because people have been asking how do we make our money? Like, what are we doing here in Japan?C: Counterfeiting. (K laughs)K: As if! I’m an okay artist, but my art skills aren’t that level. And where would we even find the […]
K: So lately I’ve been thinking about raising kids in Japan.C: We already raised one.K: (laughs) Yes, so the first time, because we had planned to come to Japan when he was 8, and I came over and I was studying Japanese and I was going to study Japanese and then be fluent in Japanese […]
K: So lately I’ve been thinking a lot about permanent residency and how we are permanent residents now of Japan. Yay us!C: Yes, we are. (K laughs) Can’t get rid of us anymore.K: Nope, they cannot. So, for me, the kind of … a pre-thing about permanent residency is what I’ve come to call the […]
K: So lately I’ve been thinking about social groups in Japan and our socialization. C: Okay. K: And, the first one that pops out in my mind is the American Chamber of Commerce [in] Japan, but that to me kind of feels like, I don’t know, like a low-key country club, because it’s… for me, […]
K: So lately I’ve been thinking a lot about social media. And, in particular, Instagram. And I find Instagram to be very interesting in that it can’t be scheduled. (laughs) And so, for me, Instagram doesn’t work for my life because I’m inconsistent when it comes to what time I start work, what time I […]
K: Lately I’ve been thinking about property ownership and the security that it creates; also the process of purchasing property. We’ve purchased property in the United States and purchased property in Japan and I feel like the process was really different for both. C: Yes, it was. K: For me the biggest difference was I […]
K: So lately I’ve been thinking about our hobbies, and I think that’s because we recorded the episode of how we make our money, and so for me it’s like how we make our money and how we spend our money.
C: That’s what I thought when you said how we make our money. (K laughs) How we spend our money. We don’t spend a lot of money on hobbies.
K: No, I don’t think either, but you know it feels kind of decadent. Like, our main hobby feels super, super decadent to me. And, our main hobby is puzzle-building. And the reason it feels decadent to me is because we have like seven framed puzzles mounted and stacked against our wall.
C: I think maybe the frames were decadent.
K: Yeah, the frames were.
C: Because we don’t have enough wall space to put up all of the puzzles we’ve done, so we’ve dismantling them after we’ve finished them and giving them away.
K: Yeah, so, and it’s been challenging to give them away.
C: It has been.
K: I thought people would be snapping up, because they’re gently used, they’ve only been put together once and we’re verifying that all the pieces are there and they’re like really nice, high-end puzzles.
C: Well, it’s interesting to me how much of a luxury people think being able to put together a puzzle is.
K: Well in Japan it is a luxury because for us our entire dining room table is dedicated to puzzle building.
C: You mean our entire puzzle table sometimes is used for eating.
K: (laughing) This is true. Okay, I’m gonna come clean. I don’t eat at the table. I eat in bed.
C: What?
K: Yeah, I’m just gonna own that. Because it’s where I like to eat. I like to eat in bed. Especially in the winter time because my electric blanket is there, and it keeps me so warm and even though our apartment has really great insulation, I really do miss central heating and cooling.
C: Yes. But we haven’t cooked in bed. (K laughs) Because we have the little portable electric grill. We could just, you know, bring it out here and
K: That would be so dangerous! That would be so dangerous! But I have done food prep in bed. On that I’ve been like “Babe, can you bring me the cutting board and ingredients,” and I have chopped food in bed.
C: Bring me a knife and some fruit!
K: (laughs) Yes.
C: Is this fun or terrifying? I don’t know yet.
K: But eating and cooking in bed is not my hobby. It’s not a hobby of ours.
C: Okay.
K: So back on track, so puzzle-building was something that we tried to do in the United States.
C: Yes.
K: But, your brother sent us a puzzle that had no edges?
C: No, it had edges. What it had was, all of the pieces were hexagonal. All of the pieces were exactly the same shape.
K: Yeah, and I wasn’t into that at all.
C: Yeah, and I think it was like a picture of a bowl full of kiwi. So all of the pieces were the same shape, and all of them had the same thing in the picture.
K: Just about. And so that was not fun at all.
C: No. We don’t do challenge puzzles like that. We don’t do monochromatic puzzles. We like colorful pictures. We like to have an easy time of it.
K: Yeah, because I think our hardest puzzle to date was the Disney puzzle with the glitter. And that was a mini 10,000 piece.
C: 1,000
K: Mini 1,000 piece. Was it only 1,000 pieces?
C: It was only 1,000. We haven’t done any bigger than 1,000. I’ve been trying to get you to bump to the 2,000.
K: (laughing) They take up too much space.
C: They do. With a 1,000 we can dedicate half the table to sorted pieces and half the table to the assembled puzzle. But with 2,000 we’d have to be more careful. We’d need trays or something.
K: Yeah, and I’m not into that. I’m not into that. So, that puzzle was so difficult because it was micro and the pieces were so tiny and the first time we did it I had to shake it off. I was like “Nope, I can’t do it.” And then, I think because I didn’t understand how to sort it.
C: Right.
K: And so the sorting that we did on it, it wasn’t sorted properly. And the second time when we sorted it by scene and did like a really premium sort, it was so much easier to do.
C: Yeah, so those puzzles are by Tenyo and they advertise themselves as the world’s smallest jigsaw puzzles. So 1,000 pieces is the size of an A3 piece of paper or two A4, if you don’t know how big A3 is.
K: Yeah, so that one was really really hard and it took us two tries to do it, and that was because of me. You were willing to sit through it. So I find most of the mini puzzles have been really challenging. Like the Winnie the Pooh with the clouds.
C: Right.
K: And, uh, the grass scene. Because I did the grass scene in like the first day we had the puzzle after we sorted it. And then it took us like two or three days to do the clouds. And the sky pieces. That was really, really challenging.
C: Well, I think the smaller the puzzles, the bigger the difference can be between two pieces before you notice it.
K: Yeah, I think so.
C: And the Tenyo cut is really good because they don’t chop off the edges, but with some of the other puzzle companies that we’ve used, the edge gets kind of pressed down by the die so that the pieces don’t always match up. Sometimes there’s a valley between the pieces as part of the coloration so on our website we have some reviews of puzzles and things and talk about these different issues. We like puzzling.
K: TheMusicksInJapan.com, our website, check it out.
C: So what do you like about puzzling?
K: So for me what I enjoy most about puzzling is that it lowers my blood pressure. (C laughs) Like, legit.
C: No, I know it’s legit.
K: It lowers my blood pressure. It lowers my heart rate. And, for me, it’s a meditation. And I really struggle with silent just-sit-on-the-cushion-and-meditate type of meditating, and so I find that active meditation is much healthier for me and is easier for me. I can’t… just, my monkey mind is all over the place and I’m always thinking and racing. Sitting down to do a sort, I really am just thinking about “What color is this piece? What shade of green is this? What shade of brown is that?” and putting it in the correct spot. And then in putting it together I really am just focused on putting that piece of the puzzle. And I find that I usually have a song that I think in my head while I’m doing it, so it really just shuts my brain down.
C: Yeah, we have basically three things on the table most times we’re doing puzzles. We have the puzzle.
K: Yes.
C: We have the control for the air conditioner and heater.
K: (laughing) Yes.
C: And we have the sphygmomanometer.
K: Yes.
C: So when you say “lower your blood pressure”, you mean you’ve taken your blood pressure, started puzzling, taken your blood pressure to see.
K: Yes. And so one of the reasons that I do that is because I’m always looking for things that are anti-stress. And if something can lower my blood pressure and heart rate, I feel like I can check that off as actually an anti-stress activity.
C: Well, and too I think that your blood pressure and your heart rate are both early indicators of problems with either your porphyria or lupus.
K: Yes.
C: Like you’re having a flare and so we can adjust appropriately. So I think they’re like the first signs that are not painful.
K: Yes. And so I find that when we puzzle, because like this past week I have been too busy to get the sort out on our puzzle, to get the sort done, and I have found that my stress and my mood hasn’t been as good as it is when we puzzle. And so I think also it’s time sitting across from you.
C: Yeah. Because our sessions can be from five minutes. Sometimes we’ll just sit down and it’ll be like “Okay, we’re gonna do two pieces”.
K: Yeah.
C: Or we’re going to sort ten pieces. And sometimes we’ll sit the entire day and just chit-chat while we puzzle. Or put on some music and listen to it together or
K: Yeah. And so it’s helpful that our music tastes are very similar.
C: Yes.
K: And so for me I just really like the time with you and it really makes me feel like when we’re doing it together like we’re the only two people in the world.
C: We are. (K laughs) When we’re doing it together.
K: Yeah. And it feels just… I feel so connected to you. And when we finish the puzzle, I feel so self-satisfied. I feel like I really did something.
C: Well I think for me when I finish a puzzle it feels very luxurious. Like, we must have a luxury life to be able to sit down and do a puzzle.
K: Yeah, I feel that way too. So it really has, since we started doing puzzles, it’s really made me feel life we’ve upgraded our lives. Like it’s this huge upgrade. We’re like these totally chill luxuriating people that just do puzzles because we’re fancy.
C: Right. And we can be super fancy. Usually we’re not. Usually we’re like, $15, that’s a great price for a puzzle. But sometimes we’re super fancy. We’re like “Is this one worth $45?”
K: Yeah, but we have to really think about it. And so puzzling is one of our hobbies. I think it’s our main hobby. And
C: I think it’s our main joint hobby.
K: Yeah, it’s our main joint hobby. And I feel like we usually have two or three puzzles on deck, like, that we can choose from.
C: Yes.
K: And then when we get down to the last of that, because I think we buy it in three or four
C: Yeah, we usually buy in batches of four.
K: Yeah, and then we pick between those and do them. And go through them. And I think when we start the sort of the last puzzle in that grouping we sit down and order more.
C: Yes, we do.
K: Yeah, do we do about one puzzle a week.
C: Yeah, on average.
K: There are some puzzles that have taken a little bit longer, but right now we’re working through our backlog of puzzles, putting them onto the website. If you want to see all of the puzzles we’ve done, most of them are on Instagram, we don’t really post to Instagram.
C: About half of them are on Instagram.
K: Yeah. So, we’re themusicksinjapan on Instagram, even though we’re not active on Instagram anymore.
C: Yeah. (K laughs) Because that is much less fun as a hobby than puzzling.
K: Yeah, it was. And so we’re going to talk about social media on a different day. But I do feel like a major hobby of yours is Twitter.
C: Yes. Twitter is a major hobby of mine. So I use Twitter to keep in touch with other writers I’ve met at conferences and things and to just kind of yammer at the public in general. To make bad puns.
K: And good ones.
C: And good ones. I do comment on grammar issues, when people ask. So I don’t correct other people’s grammar, but if they say something like “This sentence is passive.” I’m like, “Actually, what it is, is it’s a sentence with a copula.”
K: Yeah. And so, for me, having lupus and porphyria, like right now I’m having a rather severe lupus flare, and what that means is that every single joint in my body hurts. And so that’s every vertebrae in my back, every joint in my hands and feet, my shoulders and knees, like every single joint is inflamed and swollen, and so even getting dressed hurts.
C: Yep.
K: Having hobbies that are stationary, for me, allows me to get up and go over to the table and sit in a comfy chair and wrap myself up in my electric blanket and do a couple of pieces on a puzzle until sitting isn’t comfortable anymore, and getting that up and down, where I’m not just stuck in bed is really really nice for me. So I don’t know how puzzling interacts with your disabilities. I haven’t asked you. How does it interact with your disabilities? Because I know you’ve got arthritis, which is one you don’t really talk about a lot.
C: Yeah, I mean, that one probably affects me the most day-to-day, just because it’s constant, so … the epilepsy is always a concern, but I have ankylosing spondylitis, which is not technically arthritis because it’s not inflammatory, so you can… NSAIDs doesn’t work. But, for me that mostly means I have to keep my back really straight, so I need to be either sitting up straight or lying down flat. So puzzling can be challenging sometimes if I’m having to bend over a lot, a lot of tension in my spine is painful. But usually once we’ve got it sorted, then just looking over the pieces and placing things is a lot easier, so I think that’s why you end up doing a lot of the sorts when we do them.
K: Yeah. Because I think the time at the table gets to be too much. And the sorting isn’t fun for you, you don’t really enjoy it.
C: No. And I enjoy doing the solid sections, like if there’s a blue sky, you know that means I’m going to tackle the sky.
K: Yeah, it’s a tradeoff. I don’t feel up under because I’m doing… because I’m the one who’s mostly responsible for the sort.
C: Well, that’s a relief. (K laughs)
K: It’s not that deep! And you do help.
C: It’s a hobby, folks.
K: Yeah.
C: We do it how we like it.
K: And so I find doing puzzles to be really rewarding emotionally and spiritually and cognitively and just on every level. It just completely works for me.
C: Yeah, it does for me, too. And we talked about it a little over a decade ago, about doing it but we had, you know, our son was a teenager or pre-teen at the time and had friends over all the time and if anybody comes near the table, I’m like “Nope! Nope! They stole a piece!”
K: (laughing) No bueno! No bueno! Abort! Abort!
C: Yeah.
K: Please back away from the table!
C: There’s going to be a piece missing.
K: Yeah.
C: You know what would be interesting would be to have a program for like the iPad or whatever that would count the number of pieces on the table. You just take a picture, it tells you how many puzzle pieces are there. I would use that so often. I would be like “Are they still all there?” Snap a photo. Still a thousand? Still a thousand?
K: Yeah, so all you app enthusiasts, you know, if you make the puzzle app…
C: Well, there is a market for that. I don’t pay any money for most apps, and I don’t buy in-app purchases, but there is a market for it. I would be like “this is a pretty good app” if you have this particular thing.
K: Yes. And so that was the one thing on Instagram that I honestly enjoyed was getting to know other puzzlers. And so that part was fun. So aside from puzzling, another big hobby for me, and this is a big ticket hobby because of the way I like to do it is travel.
C: Yes.
K: I love to travel. But, and don’t send hate for this. Like really, it’s not that serious, okay, this is me and my life choices, not judging you and yours, please don’t judge me and mine, but if I fly, I only fly business. So I have flown first class, business class, economy plus, and economy.
C: Not all on the same trip.
K: And for me the reason that I don’t fly economy is because of the lupus. Because as soon as I get on a plane, I am in a lupus flare. And I am in a porphyria attack because I have so many reactions to perfumes, detergents, and cramped spaces. So the tightness of it, the stress of it, like everything about is… like flying is a checklist for what will trigger a lupus or porphyria attack. And I’m usually in extended sunlight because every place thinks that having
C: the windows open
K: Yeah
C: let’s the sun shine directly on you without the benefit of the atmosphere.
K: Yes. And so, for me, I am exposed to a lot of porphyrogenics and a lot of things my lupus reacts to. So after being all of that, being completely inflamed, sitting inside one of the coach seats I run a higher risk of blood clots and deep vein thrombosis. That’s like, “Okay, flying coach/economy is dangerous for my health.” So then doing coach plus doesn’t get me away from all of that.
C: Right.
K: Flying business does, because usually business is the least occupied, at least on our last trip to Spain, we had a complete row to ourselves. There was actually nobody else in our section of the plane. It was just the two of us. Because everybody is either in first or coach. And first class, that’s just more than I need. I just need to be able to lay down and be prone for a portion of the flight. And now most business class flights do have that complete lie-down bed. So what that means is that we don’t travel often outside of Japan. Maybe once a year. And so for the entire year I’m saving up for that business-class flight.
C: Well, we’re talking international business here, because domestic business is not always the same. Sometimes domestic business is just a slightly bigger seat. Like, when we went to Spain, which was for a conference, not for fun
K: Yeah
C: When we flew from Madrid to Amsterdam, on FinnAir, I think…
K: It was a coach seat.
C: It was a coach seat with a little curtain behind it. We don’t care about curtains.
K: Yeah, no no. So, for me that completely wasn’t worth it. But if there is a wider seat and more legroom, it is worth it for me. Because my joints, my knees especially, get blown out so easily, and so I look at, okay… we could save the money on the flight, but then we need to add days that we’re there, so I can have days for recovery, and it impacts my recovery time on the other side, returning. So we did a cost analysis looking at hotel room and all of that and it works out to be the same. Like, we could take a five-day trip and travel business, or we can fly coach, but then we have to take a ten-day trip, and I have to have three days upon return before I have to go back to work, just so I can get my joints lubricating properly and work through and get all of my medication on board.
C: Yes, so you miss a lot of work, in addition to the additional cost of the hotel.
K: Yeah.
C: But we also travel domestically, too. Because domestically is a lot easier.
K: Yes, but then, traveling on trains, I do travel green-sha, which is first class, which makes it more expensive on the Shinkansen.
C: A little bit. So the difference between regular fare and green-sha on the Shinkansen is $40. So I know for some of our listeners that’s a lot of money, but for us that’s not a lot of money.
K: I think $40, $40 is a significant amount of money to me.
C: It is to me, too, but we plan our trips, so we try to take at least one a year. That’s our goal is “Can we take one trip per year?”
K: Yes.
C: And we don’t buy a lot of clothes, we don’t eat out a lot—we almost never eat out—so there’s a lot of things that we don’t do that just, you know, we spend it on travel instead.
K: Yeah. And so for me it really is about planning and prioritizing. And so the not eating out saves us skads and skads of money. And when we compare our food bill, what we spend on food a month, compared to our son, who is one person, spends on food a month, we spend a considerable amount less than he does.
C: Yes.
K: He spends a lot of money on food because he likes to eat out 2 or 3 times a week. And the price of… when he goes to eat out two or three times a week, sometimes in those choices that’s a week’s worth of groceries for us in the amount of money that he’s spending eating out. So the fact that we don’t saves us money. And I also think the fact that we don’t own a care saves us money, because we’re not paying gas or any of that.
C: Yeah yeah
K: And my office is a ten-minute bike ride away from the house. So there are a lot of other choices that we’re making. We might own a car later on. I don’t know, that’s up in the air. We’re still thinking about that. I’m thinking about that. But for me it’s about the intersection of travel and disability.
C: Yes.
K: And, so when we’re thinking about travel, we have to be careful when people are talking about their travel… for me, to not judge, because everybody is moving through the world the best way that they can. And so I never harsh anybody’s mellow for their travel choices because I don’t live their life and I don’t know why those choices are there. So for someone who has social anxiety, traveling coach, having all of those people pressed against them may trigger an anxiety attack and anxiety feels like dying, it’s hell on earth to be in an anxiety attack. So for me, I would tell them, yeah, totally the green-sha is worth it. Because in Japan there’s reserved and non-reserved and then green-sha, those are the three classes. And so even with a reserved ticket sometimes you might be stick next to somebody who has a child on their lap and that might be too much for someone to tolerate. And so for me personally, that is too much to tolerate when I travel. In addition to like the leg space. I like to have a certain guarantee that things will be a certain way.
C: Yeah. Well, and I know for me because I’m fat and have joint problems the larger seat is helpful in coming back less pained.
K: I think you’re luxurious, baby.
C: Thank you, yes.
K: I love all of what you’re rocking.
C: Yes, I’m a deep leather couch.
K: (laughing) I didn’t call you a deep leather couch.
C: I know you wouldn’t because you’re kind.
K: Well, no, I’m not into deep leather couches.
C: Oh, okay. Okay, I see what you’re saying.
K: You’re like a full day at the spa with all of the treatments.
C: But I used to go to Tokyo once a month.
K: (laughs) Moving on?
C: Moving on. Not for hobby, for work, and part of the agreement with the company was that they would pay for green-sha because it would allow me to arrive at work able to work, rather than needing to recover, so. I think for us, that kind of travel, we’re not trying to be pampered we’re trying to arrive in relatively… good condition.
K: Yep. So, I like to take two trips a year. I like to take one trip in the summer and then one trip over the holiday season or in the spring. I don’t know, just some other random time, and usually I do a short trip and a longer trip. And a short trip can be like two or three days or even a day trip. And a longer trip can be anywhere from a week to two weeks. And that keeps me mentally healthy, happy, and whole. And I also, because of my PTSD, I have a high need to be somewhere other than where I am sometimes. And so mentally knowing that I’m not trapped is super super important for me. And the hobby of traveling lets me know okay, I can leave where I’m at. I’m not stuck here, and so being able to keep my wheels on my cart requires that I leave and come back. And so in the leaving, I get to see someplace else and think about whether or not I’d rather be there than here, and in the coming home I’m always so happy to be home after a trip. I really love being home after a trip. So I think that managing my mental health as well as my physical health, travel plays a big part in that for me.
C: I think so. And then we have kind of ordinary hobbies, too. I think travel is a usual hobby for a certain…
K: For some people who like to travel.
C: For some people who like to travel. I think puzzling is a hobby obviously for a lot of people. There are many companies that just sell puzzles.
K: Yep.
C: And then, one of your hobbies is TV.
K: Yep, love television. I love TV. I love YouTube.
C: Yep.
K: Love love love YouTube. I watch YouTube every single day. Every single day.
C: So and I kind of don’t get it. (K laughs) And no amount of explanation is going to make me get it because with my epilepsy I have to be sure things are safe before I watch them, so I like the TV shows that we watch together, which we usually have one or two shows that we’re watching together at any particular time.
K: Yes.
C: And so, I might watch two hours of television a week if we’ve got two shows at that time.
K: Yeah, and I think I probably average about 3 hours of television a day. And so, for me, I’m not ashamed of that. I love that I enjoy TV. And I don’t understand the stigma associated with TV or watching YouTube videos. And I watch like a whole myriad. Like, I watch everything from drama channels to documentaries to short films. And I don’t think that any one of those are more or less. They’re all value added to my life, because they’re entertaining. This is not what I’m doing for education. This is not what I’m doing for work. Although some people watch YouTube for work, and hey, crack on, but like the stigma and the snobbiness about it, like “I don’t watch TV” as a point of pride. Why are you proud of that, like? (C laughs) I don’t get it. Why is that giving anyone pride. Like, “I don’t own a television.” Well, I don’t own a television either. I own a computer that I watch television on.
C: Well, and when we met, I didn’t own a TV. And I told you, “I don’t own a TV.” And you told me, “Is that something you’re proud of?” Like no, I just don’t watch TV. It’s something I don’t do, but I have a computer. And I write books. So why isn’t your hobby reading books?
K: So right now, the reason my hobby isn’t reading books is because I’m earning my PhD.
C: Oh, that’s right, you are reading books. (K laughs)
K: No, I’m not reading books. I’m reading articles. Tons and tons of articles. And I’m not just reading articles, I am Reading articles. I read them and then re-read them. So, most of the articles that I have—I have over 75 articles in my literature review section, that I am trying to prune down. Prune down and see if they’re really necessary. I have read over 100 articles for my dissertation. So I’ve pruned it down from over 100 to 75 and I need to prune it down further to make sure those are the primo, and then I have to go through and weed out everything that doesn’t make it in the 5-year cap. It’s like a whole thing, man.
C: And then you’ve gotta expand again (K laughs) … I’m familiar with the process.
K: Yes, as someone who has earned his PhD.
C: Yes. But what I meant… it was more a joke. I don’t think that reading is any more “noble” a hobby than, let’s say, watching TV.
K: Because I have read some trash novels. I love reading trashy novels. Love love love reading trashing novels. And, for me, I love pop-bubblegum novels, I like YA novels, I like science fiction. I like a whole genre. The one genre that I don’t get into too much is fantasy because it has just too many made-up words.
C: You read a lot of fantasy that you don’t realize is fantasy. You don’t like high fantasy.
K: Yes. That’s true. And right now, because you’re a writer and our son Rasta is a writer, I’m reading those books. (laughs)
C: I don’t write high fantasy.
K: No, they’re not high fantasy. I’m saying those are the books that I’m reading.
C: Oh, yes, yes, exactly.
K: So I’m reading them over, and over, and over again, so all of my time for reading books I’m reading what my men are writing.
C: Your favorite books in the whole world.
K: Yes, and they are the best books. Everyone should read them.
C: So as far as my hobbies, I do read, so I-
K: Yeah, you read a lot.
C: I read a lot, but I also play video games. So I’m limited in what I play by which games have effects that are troublesome for me. I really appreciate the game publishers who make that information obvious, and really have harsh words for the game publishers who aim to suppress that information.
K: Yeah. Uncool, man.
C: Very uncool. And I also only do single player games, because I don’t know when I might disappear from my game. So I don’t like games where a moment of inattention can cost you hours of work, because if I have a seizure while I’m playing a video game, it’s not usually a big deal because, again, I don’t typically have tonic-clonic, or grand mal or generalized seizures, whatever you want to call the really dramatic, big dramatic seizures, but I might not be responsive to whatever’s happening in my video game for a minute or two. If that caused me to lose hours of work, that’s enormously frustrating. If it just means I’ve got to try a level again or I’ve got to do whatever again, that’s not a big deal to me, so I’m just whatever about that. And I think those are my two main hobbies.
K: I also like to play video games, but I’ve only found one video game that I really like, well, there were two, but here’s the thing. So I like Pokemon and I like the game Castlevania. The Castlevania was fun if you could play it and I could tell you what to do.
C: Yeah, I don’t remember which one it was. It was on Xbox. It was Castlevania, maybe Symphony of the Night. It was the one where you had to collect different materials, and build the different weapons and the pumpkins and things. It was back in 2000 or so. But yeah, you-
K: Yeah, and they had the battle tower and all of that, so you could level up the pumpkins and …
C: Yeah, you liked to tell me what to do in the video game while I played.
K: Yeah. So I feel that my video game play is limited by the fact that you do not enjoy being bossed around while you play. Go figure. You don’t want to be told what to do in your gameplay. Completely not fun. So, for me, if you would be willing to work the controls, I would play a lot more video games.
C: Yeah.
K: Yeah, I would. Because your dexterity and knowledge, and you can pick up the, I want to call it a joystick, but it’s not a joystick. Controller, there you go. You can pick up that controller for any game and get in there and do it, and be successful.
C: Yeah.
K: I can’t.
C: That’s through careful selection of games, it’s not actually because I’m good at them.
K: And so, for me, with Pokemon, right now I’m still finishing up the Omega versions and X and Y, because I do get a little bit obsessed with trying to catch them all.
C: Well, it’s right in the slogan, you’ve got to catch them all.
K: It is. And so-
C: And we’ve been playing Pokemon since Red and Blue.
K: Yeah. And so I have to be … So the very first.
C: Yeah, Red and Blue.
K: Yeah. So, for me, I have to admit that not being able to get a Celebi kind of like …
C: Mm, yeah, those premium ones that you’ve got to be in an event or something.
K: Yeah, because if you don’t get right on the game … So then I was like, “Okay, I’m going to do Sun and Moon, so that I can be right there at the beginning and make it to all the events,” but on the very first day of the event, they were gone in all of Japan.
C: Yeah.
K: So I’m like, “Dude, I can’t do that.” And I’m not going to hack the game. I’m not that level of player.
C: Well, because then is not something you’ve done.
K: Yeah. But, for me, it’s like no, it’s not hack the game and get them all, it’s catch them all, and so if you’re not going to make everything catchable, then that’s not cool. You should not have Pokemon available in any particular game that cannot be caught in that game.
C: Okay, you hear us Namco? Get right.
K: Yeah, they do need to get right, thank you. High five on that. Way to get my back. I feel seen, heard and validated, thank you.
C: I will write them a letter.
K: Thank you. So with X and Y, I’m still playing that because I haven’t caught the legendaries yet, and to catch the legendaries you have to see them out in the wild 10 or 15 times and then go some place specific, and I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve seen out in the wild, so that’s like a whole conundrum now.
C: Well, so, and to be clear, it’s not that X and Y are new or that Sun and Moon are new, they’ve been out for years.
K: But I haven’t caught the legendary, that’s what I’m saying.
C: Right, right. And I tend to pick video games the same way. I tend to not pick up a new video game. If something just comes out, I tend to wait a year. Like I bought Monster Hunter World, which I really like, more than a year after it was released.
K: Yeah, and so, for me, I have the … So I don’t have Sun and Moon one, I have like … I forget what it’s called. Omega Sun and Moon? I don’t know, the second version of Sun and Moon, and I have the games, I got them right after they came out, because I was on a Pokemon game playing spree, but then I was like, “Okay, I still have a couple of things left to do in X and Y and in Omega Ruby, those two.” So because of the Battle Maison in X and Y, it’s so easy now to level up Pokemon that I’m still just leveling them all up, because I also have this obsession of having everything level 50 or higher, all of my Pokemon, and that’s like, man, that’s an investment in time.
C: You’re what we in the video game world call a completionist.
K: Yes, I am a completionist. So I haven’t done the elite four yet, so I’m not in the Hall of Fame in the Omega, the Omega and Alpha. So I’m working through it and I’m enjoying, but I think I’ve taken, I don’t know, a six month hiatus. It’s been six months since I’ve played a game.
C: Yeah, I think so. I think it may be a little bit less than that, I don’t know. I know that when-
K: Because I didn’t play them when we went to Spain.
C: Okay, yeah. Because, usually, if we’re on a long plane ride you’ll play video games to distract yourself.
K: Though lately I haven’t been.
C: Yeah.
K: Because I’ve been able to sleep. Glorious sleep. Because whether or not I sleep on a plane, that’s like a whole thing, and the past couple of flights I’ve been able to sleep, which has taken away from the video game playing time because I’m sleeping instead.
C: I don’t think we’ll ever do an episode on jealousy, but if we ever do, the whole episode is going to be Kisstopher’s jealousy of my ability to fall asleep anywhere.
K: Yes. Yes. Yes. I am so envious. I wish I could sleep like you. You’re such a good sleeper. Because, for me, I like to sleep in four hour blocks, and, for me, it’s tough, because sometimes I wish I could sleep in an eight hour block, and it’s difficult to go to sleep. For me, going to sleep is a two to three hour process of winding down and making so the stars align kind of thing, but, for you, it’s like, “I’m going to go to sleep now,” and you roll over and you’re snoring. I’m like, “What the what? That’s just insane. That’s so awesome.”
C: Yeah. I think I have, basically, three sleep modes. I have, “I think I’m going to fall asleep in the next 15 minutes”, that’s my slow mode. I have, “I’m going to sleep now,” which is usually one or two minutes. And there is, “If I don’t go to sleep, I’m going to die,” which, as soon as that’s said, I’m asleep.
K: Yes. And so, for me, I find that if I think I’m never going to sleep again, then I’m usually asleep in the next five or ten minutes.
C: Yeah.
K: And then-
C: Every time you say that, “I’m never going to sleep again,” I think to myself, but I don’t say it, because it would be insensitive if the moment’s happening, “Guilty feet have got to rhythm.”
K: Oh, my gosh. That’s song lyrics. No, that was a good song. I say that’s song lyrics, because you just do something cheesy, so that’s awesome. Love, love, love, love the song.
C: Yes.
K: Yeah. Careless Whispers, right?
C: Yes.
K: Yeah. So my main hobbies are puzzling, travel, TV watching, YouTube, video games, and I don’t consider my PhD a hobby, I consider it a life quest.
C: It takes up way too much time on stress to be a hobby.
K: Yes, absolutely.
C: And we absolutely know what you’re going to do with it once you’ve got it, and we’ve got a whole plan for it.
K: Yeah.
C: I think anybody looking at a PhD as a hobby, unless you’re-
K: Have a very different life than I do.
C: Yes. Unless you’re incredibly wealthy, it is a terrible, terrible hobby.
K: It’s so expensive.
C: it’s very expensive. It depends. Mine was not that expensive. So we’re not going to say how much yours is because I think we still don’t know, but mine-
K: Yeah, I’m not finished yet.
C: Mine was $7000, because I went to public school here in Japan and it’s not that expensive. But in terms of time, and energy, and stress, it was very expensive.
K: Well, and you did yours in two years and you didn’t have to do any coursework, so the PhD system in Japan-
C: Yeah, I had a Master’s when I entered, which is required to enter it, and then the schools that I was at, you basically wrote your thesis then you were done. Now, if I had been in, say, the school of biology at the same university, it would have been different. The school of biology there requires you to have a published paper, and so one of the things I did as an editor was advise people on how long things would take to get published. I knew one student when I was there who was in biology and their paper got accepted to Nature, and they were like, “Yes, I can graduate now,” and then Nature said, “It’s going to be published in three years,” and they asked their school and their school was like, “No, it doesn’t count until it’s published.”
K: And some of the different schools like to get a PhD in psychology here in Japan, there is coursework. And so, for example, even though I had my Master’s, I still had to do two years of coursework.
C: Right. And I did coursework, I just wasn’t required to. So I did coursework whenever there was an area of weakness that I needed to shore up for my dissertation.
K: Yeah, being able to sit down and take a course because you’re interested in learning the Japanese of that discipline is very different than being forced to take courses before you can even start your dissertation process.
C: Yes, it is. The admission process was very different too. I had to interview, I had to go through my proposals for my PhD before I could be admitted as a student, so the process is very different between Japan and other places.
K: Yeah. So I don’t feel like my PhD is a hobby, but I do feel like my PhD impacts the hobbies that I do.
C: Definitely.
K: So specifically, not playing video games, I find that it’s the cross between my hobbies and my lupus, because all of my joints are inflamed right now, the only time that I can something that requires the manipulation of my hands or the use of my hands right now specifically is I save all of that for work and my PhD. So even puzzling right now would be challenging for my hands because I have so much pain these days. When this flare goes away, I might have some more energy for my hands, but I guard it rather jealously, and I find that, specifically, video games are a lot of repetitive movements and the same movements, specifically my thumbs and my wrists hurt quite a bit after playing video games, and then if I have to then go write a five page paper or then go write a section of my dissertation, that just going to blow my hands out completely, so I really can’t do video games right now. Even scrolling to look through list of things I find has been hurting my joints recently.
K: Yeah, so the lupus and the porphyria really do kind of dictate my hobbies to me. I don’t know if your disability sort of dictates your hobbies to you.
C: I think the biggest way that dictates it is that there are games I would play and enjoy if I could be sure that I wouldn’t have seizures during them or that I wouldn’t have seizures after them. I used to play EVE Online and enjoy that, but that’s a game where a moments inattention can cost you a month of work, and I just found that too frustrating. I was like, “I’m trying to play this to have fun, and this is not fun,” so I stopped.
K: And I find for me with television specifically, I get really frustrated that all of a sudden there’ll be just like a beating strobe in random shows that there’s no reason for them to ever have a strobe. Like, with science fiction, I get it, there’s probably going to be a strobe, but I was watching this show about real estate the other day, and all of a sudden there was just this random strobe and flashing through different times in the series, and I was like, “Okay, well that’s not cool.” So I’m always really happy that the way it’s set up is that I can just turn my screen, so that you’re not hit with that strobe, and I’m really cognizant to always be sure to turn my screen if it starts strobing. I immediately feel kind of disappointed in the show writers. It’s like, “Ohhh, why did you have to make that choice?”
C: Then if it’s something like Dr. Who, where we know that’s almost certain to be some kind of strobe or flashing or something, I can put on my glasses, but they make me color blind, so it complicates things.
K: Yeah. And then I find sometimes with Dr. Who, you’ll just kind of rest them on your forehead and flick them down if it happens, and so some shows that you just love, you do take that risk. I think, for you, you have to really love it to put yourself at risk.
C: Yeah, I do.
K: I just feel like there should be something better than a strobe, you know? Like a better way to do the storytelling.
C: And the British shows are usually better because there’s a law in the UK about it.
K: Mmhm.
C: But I’m much more sensitive than that law, so, I mean, I think it’s difficult to overstate how sensitive I am. I think the other day I was walking up a set of stairs, and because of my ankylosing spondylitis, I use a cane and I’m careful going upstairs, so if I watched my feet then the non-skid strips at the ends of the stairs formed a striped pattern that if I walk too fast would trigger a seizure.
K: Yes, you are extremely sensitive.
C: So, yeah, it can be a problem.
K: And you absolutely cannot drive.
C: No.
K: And in Japan, you seriously can’t, because there are random vehicles that are moving signs that strobe, and I’m like, “How is this a good idea for anyone?” Because what if somebody that doesn’t have a diagnosis until they’re subject to that vehicle specifically may never have a seizure? And the strobing, it was so intense it was disturbing for me, and I don’t have the sensitivity and I actually really enjoy strobe.
C: I think it’s really rare. I mean, even among people with epilepsy, photosensitivity is something like 1%. So I think the Pokemon shock that happened back in the early 90s, late 80s, there were 300 kids across the entire country that had seizures from it, and then they changed that, so that that wouldn’t be displayed anymore. But it’s really rare that people are consistently photosensitive. It does not make me feel special.
K: Well, for me, I feel like they should still do it, they should still take care of it. It bothers me that you’re put at risk. It bothers me that you suffer.
C: Thank you.
K: So they should just, you know, not cool, man. Don’t strobe. It’s not that hard.
C: Get a hobby of not strobing.
K: So, yeah, those are our hobbies, what are yours? Drop us a line and let us know. Check out our website and leave a comment there, or …
C: And I know that people can register on our website, because I think today I got notices of about 100 Russian spammers doing so. So, please, if you’re a real person, feel free to register and comment on a post.
K: We look forward to talking to you next time. Bye.
C: Bye bye.
K: So, lately I’ve been thinking about how living in Japan has changed us.
C: You think it’s changed you?
K: Yeah, I do. Do you think it’s changed you?
C: Probably, but I’ve also gotten a little bit older.
(K laughs)
K: Yeah, I’ve gotten quite a bit older because I’m over a decade older. So, I feel like it’s a mix of a couple of things that have changed me. Living in Japan, having our son move out of the house, and aging a decade.
C: Yes.
K: So, of those three things, which of those three things do you think has changed you the most?
C: I think it’s probably a blend of the them, but I do think that living in Japan has changed the way that I view things.
K: And what do you think, like, so which things?
C: I think the way that I view space, like living space, personal space, public spaces, what to do in spaces, all of that kind of stuff has been changed by living in Japan.
K: Oh, absolutely. That’s a good one. Because I do think that’s one of the major things that has changed in me as well. Like, living space I look at our apartment now, which a 4 LDK (or 4 bedrooms, living room, and dining room), and I think “It is freaking HUGE.” But it is like half the size of the house that we had in the United States.
C: Yeah, and I notice you don’t mention the K is kitchen (K laughs) because it’s a Japanese-style kitchen, so it’s, you know, in the US we’d call it a galley kitchen. It’s a little hallway with appliances on both sides.
K: Yeah, and we don’t even have like a dedicated oven. Well, I actually like our oven, so I’m not gonna bag on it, but it’s a combination microwave and traditional oven, so…
C: Right.
K: We can microwave in it, and we can bake in it, and for a lot of years, I’ve felt like it did neither one of those very well.
C: It still doesn’t microwave very well. A bag of microwave popcorn can take up to six minutes.
K: Yes.
C: And it says on the bag “if you put this in for more than two minutes, it will be a flaming ball of fire.” (K laughs) So…
K: I’m getting used to cooking in Celsius was a trip.
C: Ahh, yes. Yes.
K: That was a huge trip for me. Like, for everything to be at 230 as like the starting temp, cooking temperature. I think I pretty much bake everything at 230.
C: You’re 230 or 250, depending on how, how moist it is.
K: Yeah. So, I still don’t feel like I have a great relationship with Celsius.
C: Uh huh.
K: But I feel like I’m getting to know it a little better.
C: It’s kind of strange, but you guys are fighting less now.
K: Yeah. (laughs) That’s a good way to put it. So, having to live in the metric system has been a trip. And with our son driving, ’cause, well, our listeners don’t know, but you know that our son drives me everywhere because I can’t drive in Japan. But he and I both have the experience of learning how far 10 meters was.
C: Mmm.
K: Because we use GPS, and it says “turn in 10 meters”, and we’re like… is that this light or the next light? (C laughs) And so now we like, we have a, I have a much better understanding of how far a kilometer is, how far a meter is, thanks to GPS.
C: Well, thank you, GPS, for that.
K: Yes, I really appreciate it. And I have a better understanding of Celsius thanks to the Japanese summer.
C: Yes. Because 30 degrees is about the limit.
K: Yeah, and 24 degrees Celsius is hot. Hot hot hot.
C: Unless you’re at home, and then it might be cold. (K laughs)
K: Yeah, that’s what have your internal heating turned to. I do so miss heating in the United States. Heating and air-conditioning in the United States.
C: The way that it’s done.
K: Yeah, the way that it’s done.
C: Yeah, so we have split-unit air conditioners, which means that each room has its own air conditioner, and half of it is inside and then the compressor half is outside, rather than in the US we had central air.
K: Yeah.
C: So the whole house would be one single temperature. And here, the temperature changes from room to room.
K: Yeah. So, in terms of spaces, so for me, the house is a completely different space.
C: Mmhmm.
K: Because we have our pantry is actually in what would be our tatami room if we had a tatami room, and the tatami room is basically grass mats put down on the floor and then it has sliding doors. And I think just about every apartment has a tatami room.
C: I think so, yeah.
K: Yeah, and so our tatami room is actually your office, and it was once our son’s bedroom, and is now the pantry, where we store all our dried goods because we have no cabinet space in the kitchen.
C: Right. We have a little bit above the counter where our knives fit. So… yeah.
K: They’re really shallow, and really low. Our cabinets, at least.
C: If you think about like a weekly stay hotel in the US (K laughs) and you cut the space in half, that’s about what we’ve got.
K: No, I think we have like the total… I think our kitchen’s a little bit bigger than a weekly stay kitchen because we have a full-sized refrigerator.
C: We do have a full-sized refrigerator, yes.
K: Yeah, so I think it’s about when we drove cross country, I think it’s about the same size as the weekly-stay kitchens.
C: And our refrigerator opens from either side, but I don’t feel like that’s changed me as a person. (K laughs)
K: But it has been convenient for, because the refrigerator has now lived in three different apartments.
C: Yes. It has convenient moving, and we didn’t have to redo the hinges just because it was only convenient to open it from one side or the other.
K: Yes, but we did have to lose our dryer. Our clothes dryer.
C: Yes, we did. Sad day. Because there’s no venting to outside, so if we put it in the apartment, all it would do is dry and blow wet linty air into the apartment.
K: Yeah. And we could have got, we could have had it connected to where it vented, but it was—because it was a stackable washer/dryer
C: Right. And too wide for the space. So it was a whole thing. But line drying is really, really common in the US. Not in the US, in Japan.
K: Yeah, most people line dry.
C: Most people line dry.
K: And like our son, he has his washing machine for his clothes is actually on his balcony.
C: Right.
K: So he opens up a window and puts his clothes in that way, and then he can actually hang them from inside the house. I don’t know if he does. Probably.
C: Probably, yeah.
(K laughs)
K: So, okay, so how has the living space changed you? Like, do you think of our apartment as big?
C: Yeah, I think of our apartment as big. I mean,
K: Our manshon.
C: Yes.
K: Because in Japan, it’s called, where we live is called a manshon.
C: Yes.
K: Which it’s a condo, because we own it.
C: Or for any UK listeners, a flat. Our door lets, our door lets out directly to the outside world, not to a hallway. (K laughs)
K: That is such a strange turn of phrase. What do you mean?
C: I mean—
K: It does let to the outside world, but what are you talking about?
C: I mean we live in what I would call an apartment building, but we don’t have a hallway. So I’ve lived in apartments where when you open your door, you’re in a hallway.
K: Oh, okay. I’m trying to think… yeah, I guess
C: When I met you, you lived in a place that it opened into the hallway. (K laughs)
K: No, I had to think about. I never thought of that as a hallway, even though it did open up to an apartment across the hall, and not to the doors.
C: Right.
K: So okay, yeah, gotcha. Okay. Yeah. Because when we moved in together, the apartment we lived in opened out to the world, not to a hallway.
C: That’s correct.
K: But my father’s apartment in that same complex opened to a hallway.
C: That’s correct.
K: Okay. Gotcha. I’m caught up now. Okay.
C: Caught up on the lingo?
K: Yeah. (laughs) Okay, so what are you talking about? Our… yeah, I asked you how does our apartment—do you think it’s big?
C: I think it’s big, yeah. It’s got enough space to do all the different things we do. We have enough space that we can keep a puzzle set up permanently.
K: Yes.
C: So we can always have a puzzle going. We have enough space to cook and to eat and to work in a place that’s not bed. (K laughs) And to store all—
K: Even though my favorite place to work is bed.
C: Yes, but you like working on your laptop and I like working on my desktop, so.
K: Yeah.
C: And we have a place to store our clothes and things, so I feel like we have enough space.
K: I feel like more than enough space.
C: Probably.
K: I feel like we could lose two rooms and be okay.
C: I would be confused if we just lost them.
K: (laughs) Like if we woke up and the two rooms were gone?
C: Yeah. “Where’d they go?”
K: Yeah, that would freak me out, too. Yeah, that would freak me out. Would they open up to the nothing?
C: Yeah. Or new neighbors.
K: Oh, no!
C: —No, these are our…
K: (laughs) That would not be good. So I guess we’ll be keeping those two rooms.
C: Yes.
K: But I’m saying that I’ve always felt like we could downsize.
C: Yes. I think so.
K: I feel like we needed this much space when our son was living with us.
C: Right. I feel like that. So we have four bedrooms, and it’s 900 square feet. So, for people listening, I don’t know whether that seems large or small to you. I mean, at 4 bedrooms in the US, we had 2300 square feet, and some of our friends were like “Wow, how do you get by in such a tiny, tiny house?”
K: (laughs) Yeah, but everybody liked the layout because we had an open floor plan.
C: We did, yes.
K: I think an open floor plan. Because this also has—our apartment also has—an open floor plan.
C: Yes.
K: I love an open floor plan.
C: Which we specially ordered.
K: Yeah. I think it opens up the space and it makes the living space feel so much larger.
C: Yes.
K: And I feel like it gives me room to breathe.
C: Well, and it lets us be in separate rooms and still be able to see each other and talk to each other.
K: Yeah, so I really like it. But in terms of living in something I guess that is, what, two-thirds the size of the house in US—do you feel pinched? Do you feel cramped?
C: It’s less than half. But I still don’t feel cramped. I feel like the way that I understand private space has changed, and so things that I would have assumed needed to be done at home in the US, I just think “well, I would go out if I wanted to do that.”
K: Like what?
C: Like hosting a party.
K: Mmm. Yeah, we’ve never hosted a party in Japan.
C: No, and it’s very unusual. If I knew somebody was hosting a party at their place, unless it were like a housewarming party—
K: Mmhmm.
C: —where you’re just going over to give them a gift and see their place, I think it would be strange because that’s what the public spaces are for.
K: But when we first bought the place, I thought we were going to host barbecues, because we can see several fireworks shows from our balcony.
C: Yes.
K: (laughs) And then I just never ended up hosting any of them. How weird. It’s weird to me that I’ve never done a barbecue here. When one of the selling points of the apartment for me was I felt like I could still host parties.
C: Right. But we bought this relatively early in our stay in Japan.
K: Yeah, I think it was like a year into it?
C: Yeah, it was less than a year.
K: Okay, so I was still very American in my thinking.
C: Yeah, so we had just decided, yes we’re going to buy a place here, we’re going to own in Japan, even though we didn’t have permanent residency. And so sometimes that was stressful.
K: Yes.
C: But we have permanent residency now. But even the real estate agent told us “Oh, I don’t think it’s legal to own an apartment in Japan if you don’t have permanent residency.” (K laughs) And I told them “Yes, it is.” And they so “Oh, okay.”
K: Yeah.
C: So it’s hard to get a mortgage, but we rolled our California house into our Japan apartment, basically.
K: Yeah. So something that I find interesting, I’m thinking about my girlfriends, and a lot of my girlfriends have children, and so my office is a funner place to come, so they’ve never been to the house.
C: Right.
K: And then I have other girlfriends that because they have children it’s easier for me to go to their place or their neighborhood
C: Right.
K: And for my Japanese friends, it’s always easier to meet out, although I had a Japanese friend that used to come over for dinner quite often, and then we kind of have grown apart over the years as I got busier and they got busier. And your friends, you guys always meet out.
C: Yes.
K: And you know what I find interesting in Japan? I find that I’m not friends with couples. That I usually only meet one partner in a partnership.
C: Right.
K: In social settings. And I don’t get to know their significant other, whereas in the United States, we were friends with couples and families.
C: And you know, I don’t think that that’s just because we’re foreigners. Because I worked at a company for a long time that was about half Japanese workers and half foreign workers, and the Japanese people, their couples never came as a couple either.
K: Well, and we do have a couple of friends that we’re friends with the entire family unit.
C: Right.
K: But for the most part,
C: Yeah, for the most part it’s person-to-person meeting.
K: Well, and too, I have a lot of friends that I’ve met through the Black Women in Japan Facebook group.
C: Mmhmm, yes.
K: And so the reason that we’re hanging out is that we’re hanging out sistah-to-sistah. And you know just… it’s a sistah space. And so we don’t… it’s female energy. And so we don’t really invite our significant others into that female energy space, and it just felt really natural that when we broke off and hang out in pairs or in small groups that it’s just “us girls” kind of thing.
C: Oh my goodness.
K: What?
C: You exclude me because I’m not a black woman?
K: (laughs) No, I don’t exclude you because you’re not a black woman. You’re not excluded. You’re just not invited.
C: Ah, okay!
K: There’s a difference.
C: There is a difference.
K: And you don’t invite me to your ACCJ stuff.
C: No, I don’t.
K: American Chamber of Commerce in Japan.
C: No, I don’t. I used to—
K: Even though I used to be an ACCJ member.
C: Yeah. Yes.
K: (laughs) No, I joined the chamber before you did. So.
C: Yes you did. Your membership number was one lower than mine.
K: Yes it was. Thank you very much. No, I think I joined longer than that before you.
C: No, it was exactly one number lower. (K laughs)
K: So that’s their bad, because I think it was like six months between me joining and you joining.
C: No, it was simultaneous.
K: It was simultaneous?
C: It was simultaneous, yeah.
K: Oh. I didn’t know that. So you just never went to events?
C: I went to events. I didn’t go to the events you went to.
K: Okay.
C: Because you were trying to establish yourself as a business, and I was working for a different business.
K: Yes, that’s true.
C: And so if we show up as a couple, we’re very much seen as a couple.
K: Yes. Because that’s when I felt like my business was stable enough to introduce it to the world.
C: Right.
K: Because I’m a really private person. And so I was like “Hey, wait a minute though, I’m in business, and I shouldn’t be so private.”
C: Right. So you didn’t want to be known as “Chad and Kisstopher”.
K: Yeah, no, I didn’t want to be known as “Chad and Kisstopher”.
C: And we’re okay being Chad and Kisstopher, but we are separate people.
K: Yeah. Yeah. So we’re Chad and Kisstopher for the podcast, and we’re Chad and Kisstopher socially, but business-wise I’m very much Kisstopher because I’m a therapist. And so I think it’s important for people to know that you don’t know anything about my clients, you don’t know anything really about my business. Whereas our son, who is my office manager, does know because sometimes he helps clients find the office and he does all my invoicing, and he’s my office manager. So he does know. He knows quite a bit more about the business than you do. And quite a bit more about the clients, because you don’t know anything. Some of the clients he actually knows and helps because he does what we call “push-in” where he comes in and he’s there during the session because he interprets for me when I work with Japanese nationals.
C: Nice. And that’s why Google’s “busyfree” calendar is really nice, because you can just set your appointments and then I can see whether you have an appointment or not.
K: Yeah.
C: But not the details of it.
K: Yeah. And everybody has a code, so everybody gets a letter and a number, and sometimes the numbers can be anything between a 1 digit to a 3 digit number.
C: How dehumanizing.
(K laughs)
K: Which is exactly the point. So that—
C: Oh, okay
K: —you know, you can’t figure out who they are.
C: Well I’ve met a few of your clients, because they introduce themselves that way.
K: Oh, that’s nice.
C: Yeah. They say “Hi!” I say “…hi?” They introduce themselves and I’m like “…okay…” and they say “Your wife is my therapist!” And I’m like “Oh, great. I hope she’s helpful.” (K laughs) “Yes, she is. I wanted to tell you she’s wonderful.”
K: Oh that’s nice to know. Thank you for that. I think that’s a big thing that’s changed from the United States to Japan is that, I never ran into—well, maybe once in a while… it was really really rare that I would ever see a client out in the world in the United States. Because I had a practice in the United States as well. But here in Japan, living in Nagoya, it is really common that I would see clients out in the world, which is one of the reasons why I’m not longer a member of the ACCJ. Because the ACCJ is open to anyone who wants to join, not just Americans.
C: Right.
K: And, umm, sometimes people who are not even members of the ACCJ come to events.
C: Yes.
K: So anybody in Japan can come to an ACCJ event. So I find that it’s just easier for me to no longer be a member of the chamber because my rule of thumb is that if I walk into a space and I see a client there, I just leave.
C: Well, and I think too that the public transit centralizes a lot of things.
K: I think so.
C: So I know that I see people that I know out and about almost always at subway stations. Because there’s a limited number of stations downtown, for example, so if I’m headed downtown and somebody else is headed downtown at roughly the same time, we’re probably going to see each other.
K: Yeah, so I find that, in the United States, when I would be out in the public, I still felt very private.
C: Right. You’d almost never see people you knew.
K: Right, and so now, because I remember we were going out of town somewhere, and we were having like a private conversation—on a train platform, in a public space—and our friend tapped us on the shoulder and they were like “Hey, I was trying to get your guys’ attention, but you were so into talking to each other that you didn’t notice me.”
C: We were doing our cupcake thing.
K: (laughs) So, a friend said that they view our marriage as being in the cupcake phase. Which, I’m not quite sure what that means. Does that mean it’s still like sweet and warm and loving? Because I agree with that.
C: I agree with that. But maybe they were just like stealth saying “You guys are fat.”
K: (laughs) Which we are! Yeah, so do have snacks.
C: Yeah.
K: Snack cake is a thing in our life, and I love it. I love being big and round and fluffy.
C: We have a marriage with sprinkles.
K: I like it. I like how much we eat. I enjoy food. I like that our world is very sensual.
C: Yes. And I feel like Japan has kind of changed my view of what happens in public, and how people react.
K: Okay…
C: I find that people are not really emotional in public. Because “drunk on a Friday at night” does not count as emotional.
K: Well sometimes people cry on the subway.
C: Sometimes they do.
K: Yeah, but it’s very self-contained.
C: Yeah, it’s not a display. It’s not for other people. Because with such high population density here in Nagoya, at least you kind of have to…
K: Look away and give them their privacy.
C: Adopt a mentality that what’s going on around you is not really your business.
K: Yeah. But, for me, I feel like, strangely I’m more aware of how my actions impact people around me. More so than I was in the United States, and I find that it’s made me more polite, and kinder, and gentler. I’m a kinder, gentler Kisstopher.
C: Yeah?
K: Yeah. I feel like I’m way more compassionate, and I feel more connected to everybody in Nagoya. Like, I honestly, I feel connected to the entire population. And I care very much about whether or not I’m putting more bad than good into the world. And I don’t think I was that focused on like—because yeah, I want to be a force of good. I’ve always wanted to put good into the world, but really thinking about my day-to-day actions. Like microaggressions, overt aggression, just those kind of things on the person-to-person level.
C: Right.
K: So I find I’m much less aggressive.
C: That’s interesting. Yeah, I think I see a lot more people when I go out because there’s not the barrier of being in a private vehicle.
K: Yes.
C: So if I go out and I travel somewhere that’s not walking distance, I’m guaranteed to see at least 200 people.
K: Yeah. Do you think that that’s made you kinder, or more connected, or?
C: I think it’s made me much more aware of how people perceive my actions.
K: Mmhmm.
C: And it’s funny now, because it stopped, but when we moved here it used to be that all the subway trains had pictures up that said “Beware of Robbers” (K laughs) and it showed, like, a man with a beard and glasses and a hat
K: Yes (laughs).
C: Which is like my stock uniform, so.
K: Yeah.
C: It always felt a little bit like I was being picked on. Like
K: That you were being profiled.
C: Yeah, like “look at that guy, he’s the one that’s going to rob you.”
K: Yeah. So that’s something I was wondering about. So, for me, my whole life I’ve been aware of being a minority, and I’ve been aware that in some spaces I might be the only Blackness that people come in contact with. I might be the only African-American that they ever meet
C: Right
K: And so I have always felt the responsibility of how I behave in public as being, representing many more people than myself.
C: Yes.
K: Do you find, now that you’re a minority, has that shifted for you? Are you aware that you’re like representing all white guys in Japan?
C: Yes, I am. And that I am seen as a white guy in Japan. That I’m seen as something other.
K: Mmhmm.
C: I find that, like, in talking with Japanese people, there’s kind of a tension that goes along with it, until I mention that I’m married to an American.
K: Yeah.
C: And then that tension relaxes. Like, “Okay, you’re not married to a Japanese person.” And I know several couples who have been married for decades where one person is Japanese and one person is not, but I know that I encounter a lot of feeling among Japanese people that American men who marry Japanese women are bad people.
K: Yeah, out to exploit.
C: Yeah. So I definitely am aware that I am representing all white foreigners. In some sense. A friend of mine, who’s from Bangladesh, said “Yeah, I know that when I go out, they look at you, and you’re white, so they see an English teacher, and they look at me, and I’m brown, so they see a construction worker.”
K: Mmm.
C: Which are kind of the stereotypical professions.
K: You know it’s interesting when people find out I’m American. Because they have like, no idea. People mistake me for Brazilian or Middle-Eastern or Latin all the time. And that’s been my whole life, people don’t really know which category I fit in. And as soon as they find out that I’m American, they assume that I’m an English teacher.
C: Mmhmm.
K: And I tell them, “No, I’m a therapist.” They’re like, “How is that possible?” (laughs)
C: How is that possible? No foreigners have any problems.
K: Right! No, I get the other thing, where they’re like “Oh, thank goodness someone is here helping all the foreigners with their massive problems.” Because the standard Japanese thing has been—a lot of my clients tell me that as soon as they have problems, their Japanese friends tell them “go home”.
C: Right.
K: Like, “mmm, you gotta go, you’re not you’re not doing okay.” So, but that’s a topic for another cast. So for me I find that it is really freeing to not be an English teacher, although I have taught English. Because it allows people to immediately get out of that mindset that they know everything about me as soon as they know my country of origin.
C: Right.
K: Do you experience that?
C: Yeah, I do experience that. And so when people ask me what I do, I’m like “well, that’s a complicated answer. Mostly I”
K: No, it’s not. You’re a writer.
C: Yeah, but I haven’t always been a writer, so I’ve done a variety of things here in Japan.
K: Yeah, and none of them have been complicated, love.
C: Not at the time. (K laughs)
K: Your history is not complicated! Everything you’ve done has been very straightforward.
C: No, I’m mysterious.
K: No, you were a PhD student, and then you were an editor, and then you were the office manager, and then you were a writer.
C: I was the operations manager.
K: Oh, operations manager.
C: The office manager had a much harder job than me.
K: Yeah, sorry, I always mix that up. So yeah, operations manager. All of those are like really straightforward, babe.
C: Yeah, I guess they’re straightforward.
K: (laughs) And now you’re a writer.
C: But it’s confusing to people, so when people, especially when Japanese people ask me what I do and I tell them that I write, and they say “well, why do you speak Japanese the way that you do?” And I say “Well, I did my PhD here in Japan”, and they go “Ohhh. Okay okay.” Because apparently I sound… I don’t know.
K: Educated?
C: No. Not like a jackass, but like … umm, like I live at the university.
K: So you sound like
C: Stiff and formal.
K: Oh, okay.
C: And they say “I know what those words mean, but nobody says them.” So it’s like “Well, I can’t help it. That’s the way I learned.” Whereas our son is very natural.
K: Mm, yeah. Our son does sound very natural. Because he culture switches.
C: Right.
K: Code switches.
C: Right. I mean, I’m always American. I understand the Japanese stuff, and you know, I can hand out a business card. I can make a bow, and I can introduce myself, but I think people are still always conscious that I am American.
K: Yeah. So another way that… being a minority, another way that being Japan has changed me is that I can be an invisible minority by simply putting on a pair of glasses.
C: Yes.
K: Which, sunglasses, specifically. And that is so interesting to me. That I can be Japanese and treated like I’m Japanese by just putting on a pair of sunglasses. And then I’m no longer a minority.
C: Mmhmm.
K: And, it’s a trip.
C: Yes.
K: And I didn’t know it. A friend of mine told me “there’s nothing about you that identifies you as not Japanese.”
C: Yes.
K: I was like, “What are you talking about?” They said “aside from your eyes, like if you put on a pair of sunglasses, I would just think you’re Japanese.” And I’m like “Well, don’t I dress American?” And they said “You dress kind of weird, but there are a lot of people in Japan who dress weird.”
C: Yes, there are areas that are known for dressing weird.
K: Yeah, and so I’m seen like alternative.
C: Mmhmm.
K: So kind of like punk rock. So, that’s cool. I like the fact that I’m punk rock.
C: With those hazel eyes. Just you’re not Japanese.
K: Yeah, no, not at all. Nothing about my eyes are Japanese. The shape, nothing. So it’s really interesting that in Japan I almost never get discriminated against.
C: Yeah, that is interesting.
K: Yeah, it’s a weird phenomenon for me.
C: It was weird for me when I realized that I was being discriminated against, in Japan.
K: How did that change you?
C: I think it made me a lot more compassionate towards people who experience discrimination and decide not to fight that fight right then.
K: Mm, yeah.
C: Because I grew up with like, an intellectual understanding of discrimination. I grew up Mormon, and so I heard all the time, “Oh, we’re being persecuted.” And every once in a while, somebody would like break into the church and like, graffiti stuff, so like it wasn’t completely baseless, but I grew up being told “You’re being singled out for bad treatment”, and then when I moved to California I realized that just really wasn’t true. That as a white guy I just walked around with a lot of privilege? Sorry if that word bothers anybody, but that’s what it was. And here I’ve kind of lost that, so… white Americans are a model minority here, so I do have—among foreigners—a favored status but it’s still not seen as the equal of the Japanese.
K: Yeah. And I understand being a model minority because I am mixed and so, being mixed, I am rather light skinned, and because of colorism some people value the color of my skin. And because of that value, I am a model minority. For some people. Still a minority, but a model minority. And I am aware of all of the privilege that comes with that. And I am very… my whole life… any time I’ve had an opportunity to use the privilege I have—and I think everybody has privilege in some space—
C: On some axis, yes.
K: Yeah, and so, for me, I’m always careful to lend my privilege when I can. And to speak out. But that doesn’t mean that I fight every battle. And I really, I let most microaggression go just because it’s easier to go about my day. It’s quicker to just write it off than to cope with it, and that used to drive you bananas.
C: It used to. Because when we got together, I was like “But that was racism! We should go, like fight that, we should sue them, we should whatever,” and you were like “just let it go. Just let it go and let me have my day.” And I learned to let it go, but it wasn’t until we moved here that I really learned why you choose to just let it go. How exhausting it is to constantly be
K: To fight every battle.
C: Yeah.
K: It is fatigue. Just straight up fatigue.
C: That sometimes you have to pick them and say “This one’s not worth it.”
K: Yes. And I know some people that fight every battle, and they have my mad respect, and just mad crazy props on that. Because I just don’t have the energy, and I admit that that is a weakness in me. Because I do think every microaggression is worthy of the battle. I just choose not to fight it.
C: Mmhmm.
K: That may be upsetting to some people, and I’m sorry if it upsets you or hurts your feelings. That’s not my intention. My intention is that I’m just not bringing that toxicity into my day any further than that moment. But race and all that in Japan is a different cast. This is about how Japan has changed us. So, for me, that’s like a broadening of your mindset. And I do feel that living in Japan has broadened my mindset.
C: I think that’s a good word. Because it hasn’t changed it. I haven’t lost my mindset. I’ve just gained an additional one. So now I have multiple perspectives within myself for different situations.
K: Yeah. For me, like the biggest change in my perspective is the one on immigration. In the United States, when I was living in California in the United States, I don’t feel like people really explained to me what the immigration process was. And so I don’t feel like all of my opinions were based on any sort of knowledge of how hard it is to immigrate, and how much money it costs to immigrate. Because in California, in the Bay Area, we have this image of people coming across in boats and coming across with nothing. And coming across with no money.
C: Right.
K: And that’s just not the case. Nobody gets to immigrate for free. Nobody gets to immigrate for no money. There are people who are snuck into the country illegally, but they’re paying thousands and thousands of dollars to be snuck into the country illegally. And risking their life to do so. And then for people who immigrate legally, it costs thousands and thousands of dollars. There’s no free way to immigrate. So, that was quite shocking to me. And also what was sacrificed in terms of education and history and work experience, because when I first came to Japan, even though I had practiced in the United States, nothing transferred.
C: Right. Everybody said that “that wasn’t in Japan.”
K: Yes. And “you don’t have any experience working with foreigners living in Japan.” Everything was “in Japan”. “You have no experience working with kids in Japan.” And so I was very fortunate that I was very fortunate that I was able to find that first client who was willing to take a chance on me. And it was an individual who was living as a shut-in. They’re called hikkikomori here in Japan, and allow me to work with them, but I lost everything by immigrating. And it took a lot of years to get it back and a lot of re-education.
C: Right.
K: And so I was really humbled by the experience of everything I had lost. And really looking back at some of my past behaviors and some of my past political positions, quite ashamed of my behavior.
C: It makes it a lot easier to understand, for example, why somebody could immigrate to the US and be there for 20 years and still not speak English.
K: Yes. (laughs) On that one, yes. Because my Japanese is busted.
C: Because, you know, we had a gardener in the US, and he spoke English, but none of the people he sent out did. And he said “I’m turning this business over to somebody who bought it, and I’m moving back to Mexico.” But for most of his employees, they didn’t need English to get by in their daily life.
K: And I don’t need Japanese to get by in my daily life. And most of my clients speak English. And the ones who don’t, I have an interpreter.
C: Yeah, so it made it easier to see kind of how isolating that lack of language can be but also how you can get in a rut of just not needing the language.
K: I think too if you look at, like, hours worked. You know, because I look at how many hours I’m working, and I’m sorry, I just not have the energy to—in addition to earning my PhD and running my business and having a life—to make it to Japanese class. I study Japanese independently, but going to a formal class, I just don’t have it. And my Japanese friends do not value my Japanese.
C: No.
K: They want to speak to me in English.
C: Yes, they do.
K: So I find that nobody values my Japanese. (laughs) And that’s okay. It’s busted, so I get it, but you really have to—at least in Nagoya—you have to be quite forceful if you just want to speak Japanese. Because I know our son does that. He just refuses to speak English in Japanese spaces.
C: Yes.
K: So how’s your Japanese?
C: My Japanese is middling. So I can get by, so daily life I can read enough to know what bills are, I can… you know, it’s probably at the junior-high level, maybe.
K: Mmm. Yeah, mine’s definitely elementary.
C: So I can have basic conversations, but if you want to talk about something complicated—except for math, where it’s good—then my Japanese is not great. So if people want to switch to English and their English is good, it’s like “Okay, yes let’s switch to English because we’ll be able to have a better conversation.”
K: Yeah.
C: So I find that, for me, most of my conversations are in English, but occasionally—especially at work there were people I’d have conversations in Japanese with. Like the place I worked, the accountant didn’t really speak English, so we would speak in Japanese. But then dealing with my limited understanding sometimes he’d need to explain things. So, you know, I’d like it to get better, but…
K: Yeah, I’d like it to get better. Something I’m proud of when I look back at my history is I supported it in California when the DMV wanted to have driving manuals in various languages. And I supported it. And now I’m so happy I did. Because I am so grateful for all of the romaji and all of the English that is available here in Japan.
C: Yes.
K: And I know that the two are completely unrelated, supporting there being multiple paperwork in multiple languages in the United States, but just recently I had to get a form from the bank and I was so happy when that form was in English, because I was able to verify that this was the form I needed. And so…
C: And you would have had to have paid for a translation otherwise.
K: Yeah. And so it’s really. Well, no because our son would have did it, but I guess technically I’m paying for it because he would have did it during his working hours, because that would have been part of his work, so yeah I’m paying for it. But it is nice to have access to English. And I think there is a lot of English available, but for me I no longer feel that it’s my right to have English. And I feel like it’s a gift every time there’s like an English menu available I feel like it’s a gift. Every time there’s paperwork in English I feel like it’s a gift. And I think before living outside of the United States, I don’t think I would have understood just the relief that it provides in my day-to-day living to have access to my native language.
C: Right. And I was in Tokyo recently, and they’ve started making subway announcements in Japanese, English, Chinese, and Korean.
K: Oh, nice.
C: In preparation for the Olympic games. So those are coming to Tokyo in 2020, so a lot of stuff is like “We’re going to do these minimal things in multiple languages for the Olympics.”
K: Nice.
C: Yeah, it’s nice to be able to hear the stop name in English. I can understand the Japanese now, but I remember when we arrived it was a matter of counting stops
K: (laughs) Yes! Hanging out that window.
C: The stop name is not written in English and it’s not said in English, so how many stops? Okay, is this three or four?
K: Yeah.
C: And exploring that, so I think that being in Japan has made me much more adventurous, and willing to try new things.
K: Yes.
C: More willing to just get lost and trust that we’ll be able to find our way back home.
K: Yes. So, for me, I find that it’s in some ways solidified who I am, and in other ways I feel like it’s caused me to evolve and have a deeper understanding and more compassionate and be a more compassionate person and just live a compassion-filled and compassion-focused life. And I really enjoy that. And I enjoy meeting people from all over the world. When we lived in California, I did have friends from all around the world, but I wasn’t also an immigrant.
C: Right.
K: And so it was kind of different. I feel like now I have a deeper access point. And I think too, doing therapy with people from around the world and seeing how different things are expressed, and how different things are felt, and experienced, I really do have a deeper understanding of the variation in experience when experience and culture meet. And I just feel really really fortunate and really really lucky to have been born in the United States, because that was just luck of the draw. It was completely happenstance, and to have freedom of movement. You know? And my heart goes out to anyone who’s in a refugee situation and is trapped in their country and wants to get out. And so I look at in those situations, we really do. I don’t know. Something needs to be done about how borders are done in the world, so that people aren’t trapped in those really horrible situations.
C: Yeah, I agree. I have a lot more compassion for that. I know how much it cost us to move to Japan and become permanent residents.
K: Yes.
C: In terms of both time and money and constriction, so
K: And worry.
C: And worry. You know, I worked at the same job for 5 years. Decent company, I’m not complaining about the company.
K: They’re a great company.
C: A great company, yes. But, you know, I needed that time working there at one company to be able to qualify for permanent residency.
K: Yeah, having five consecutive years.
C: And I know that Japan is not the worst on that. I have friends in Korea who say that your visa is tied to your job
K: And in the United States
C: And in the Unites States your visa is tied to your job. So if you quit your job you have to get a new visa. Japan isn’t like that. Your visa is tied to your profession, but not to your job. But if you want permanent residency you have to stay a long time at one job. And just the freedom of being able to switch now is like a sigh of relief. But it also gives me a lot of compassion for people who are stuck in their jobs. Whether they’re stuck in their job in the US because of health insurance or they’re stuck because of immigration or you know, family circumstance or whatever.
K: Yeah.
C: Whatever it is. I also feel like I’m much more compassionate now than I was when we moved here.
K: Yeah, because I do have, I agree that I just have a much deeper understanding what being stuck means and how people get stuck. Because things that seem like amazing opportunities—I’ve seen people come over here and get stuck.
C: Yes.
K: And so, you know, for me, I really have a better understanding that everybody is bringing their history with them, and that we can’t know. That if we were just to write down some basic facts about people, like where they live, what they do for a living, all of that, it really doesn’t tell us anything about that person.
C: No, it doesn’t.
K: And so for me, I just try to be compassionate in all of my interactions. Compassion first.
C: Yeah. I think for me a lot of that is living in Japan and having that second perspective. Some of that is just getting older.
K: Yes. So much older. (laughs) So I think that’s a great place to end the cast, and thank you for listening. And yeah, we’re just more compassionate now. That’s the number one way Japan has changed both of us.
C: And after the next cast, we will be even older, so we’ll be even more compassionate (K laughs). Bye bye.
K: Bye.
K: So, lately I’ve been thinking about the story of us.
C: The story of us, like the whole thing?
K: Yeah, like, how we met and all of that, and how we got together, and I’ve been thinking about it because clients always ask me—well, my most recent intake asked me if I was happy, and I said “Yes”, and they said “Oh good, because you seem happy.”
Like, they care whether or not their therapist is happy, which I think is awesome. I think everyone should ask their therapist if they’re happy. And, they also asked me if I was happily married. And I said, “Yes, I’m happily married.” I’m ecstatic with our marriage. I absolutely love our marriage.
C: Me, too. I feel like our story is just started though, so… I know it’s been, like, a couple decades—
K: —Yeah
C: —but I feel like we’re still in the origin stories.
K: So, I don’t feel like we’re in the origin stories anymore because we’ve raised our son.
C: I don’t know, I mean, like—
K: He’s an adult man now.
C: —Like, how old is Batman, right?
(K laughs)
C: Because if Batman had aged… so, you know.
K: So if they can come out with Batman’s origin story now—
C: Exactly.
K: —after over 50 years…
C: Yeah, yeah, exactly.
K: Okay, yeah, if we’re measuring in superhero years, then we’re still in the origin phase.
C: Yeah, but we’re the original. We’re the Golden Age.
K: Yeah, we are the Golden Age. I like that. That’s awesome. So, I feel really fortunate that we met in college.
C: Yeah, me too.
K: I think that’s like a really fun origin story.
C: Well, and meeting in community college. I feel like it, it doesn’t make it more fun, but it does give me a chance to tell people how awesome community college is.
K: I don’t feel like De Azna was awesome just because we met.
C: No, it was awesome for other reasons.
K: (laughs) Yes. Lots of other reasons.
C: And that’s why I’m saying I like being able to talk to people about those other reasons. Because I really like the way that we met… I feel like De Anza, which is the community college where we met, kind of typified that. That we were both there for self-improvement.
K: Yes. But I think most people—no, I think most people of a mature age…. But I think I was of a mature age but you were still like college age.
C: I was still college age, yes.
K: Yeah, ’cause I’m six and a half years older than you.
C: Yes, you are.
K: So I was of a more mature age.
C: Yes, (K starts laughing) you were of a more mature age. You keep saying that, and I’m going to remind people that you’re only 6 years and 4 months older than me, not 6 and a half.
K: Oh wow, okay.
C: So, watch out.
K: Yeah, and I always round up to I’m a decade older than you.
C: Yeah, you do.
K: Well, because with you growing up in Alaska and me growing up in California, it does feel like there was a decade in between like the popular culture that I experienced and the popular culture that you experienced.
C: No, it works the other way because it took like five years for things to get to Alaska, so a lot of our pop culture references were the same. Because one of the first things that we bonded over was the fact that we both really liked Cake. Not the food.
K: No, the band.
C: Yeah, I mean, I like cake the food—
K: But we both loved Cake, the song “Never There”, which was playing on the radio. It was their most popular song at the time.
C: Yes.
K: So what are you talking about?
C: I’m talking about. You know….
(K laughs)
K: You’re talking about you don’t know?
C: I don’t know.
K: You’re talking about us having the same cultural references.
C: I don’t know. That reminds me of the day that Outkast’s “Hey Ya” came on.
K: Yep.
C: And you called me on the phone. I forget where you were. Maybe at work or something. You called me on the phone, and you said “What’s that song?” And that’s all you said. And I said, “I looked it up, it’s called Hey Ya. It’s by Outkast.”
(K laughs)
K: Yes, you were always doing that for me. And I was always calling you up, “What’s this song?”
C: ‘Cause you didn’t even say anything about what song it was. It was just “What’s that song?”
K: Yeah. Yeah.
C: You know, usually you have to say, like, “I heard this…”, but I think “Hey Ya” and I think “Seven Nation Army” by the White Stripes.
K: Yep. Those were both, “What’s that song?” and you knew them immediately.
C: Yep.
K: So, when I was working with Applied Behavior Consultants, I used to call you in between cases, because I would drive to their homes.
C: Right, right.
K: And I would always call you in between or when I was in transit. So I wasn’t calling you while I was working. I was calling you during my transportation time.
C: Yeah, but for me that was you were at work. Like, I couldn’t call you up, because you were at work.
K: Yes, that’s true. That’s correct. So, anyways. I like the story of how we met because, to me, it’s so interesting to me how many things that had to happen for us to meet. Because I feel so luck and so fortunate to have met you. So, we had a friend. Well, I had a friend, because you didn’t know her at the time—
C: Yeah, I didn’t have any friends.
K: There was one of the quads at De Anza. I would hang out and smoke cigarettes with my friends. And one of my friends came out of… statistics class, was it, or econ?
C: Economics.
K: Okay. Came out of econ class. And right before them, you had come out of econ class and you were standing by a tree.
C: Yep.
K: And I was laughing and talking and she said to me, “I’m gonna fail econ.” And I said, “Well, don’t you know anybody in this class?” And she was like, “no”, and I said “well, who’s the smartest person in the class?” and she pointed to you. And I said, “that dude over there?” and she was like, “yeah”, and so I said “HEY! YOU! COME HERE!” and you looked down very comically and pointed at yourself, and I was like “YEAH, YOU. COME HERE.” And then, to my surprise, you actually walked over to us.
C: Well, I mean, now I think you know that like somebody yelling at me… it’s embarrassing.
(K laughs)
K: Yes.
C: I walked over to make you stop.
K: Yes. So I didn’t know that you were just trying to make me stop yelling “hey you”, and it was apparent that I was going to keep yelling at you until you came over.
C: Absolutely.
K: And then I asked you, like, I didn’t ask you your name or anything, I said, “Hey, we’re all going to lunch. Do you want to come with us?”
C: Yeah, it was weird to me that you didn’t ask whether I was good at economics.
K: Yeah, I didn’t.
C: Because… you know… her assumption that I was good at economics because I was skipping class…
(K laughs)
C: —It was a pretty big leap.
K: Yes.
C: I mean I was good at economics, but I hadn’t transferred my AP scores. So I could have skipped that class if I had transferred my AP scores, but because I went to high school so long ago they were on microfiche, so it was like a whole thing to get them transferred because they weren’t electronic.
K: Yeah.
C: So I decided to take that class. You know, and I was enjoying it, so, at the time, that class cost me $35, to take that whole class. So, I was just like, you know “I’ll just take this, and enjoy myself.” So because I was too lazy to get my AP score transferred, we met.
(K laughs)
C: So, yeah, you asked me to go to lunch—
K: I think because, so what’s interesting is because you had a crush on that friend, I feel like, for me, that’s why you came over. And the reason that you agreed to go to lunch with us is because you had a crush on that friend.
C: Well, I’d say an eye crush. Because I didn’t even know her name.
K: Yeah. And we’re going to leave her name out because you know—
C: Yeah.
K: —we’re protecting identities. So, for me it was really interesting that I had just called you over and invited you to go to lunch with us, and the whole purpose of everything was for you and our friend to connect. And then through the process of lunch, I just found you to be so incredibly interesting.
C: And funny.
K: Yes, and funny.
C: I feel like that’s the more important part.
K: Yes, you always make me laugh, and the fact that you tell really smart jokes, I really enjoyed. Because over lunch, we were all discussing a fellow classmate, who was a male, and this person had never had sex, and one of our other classmates—because it was a group of like, 5 of us, 5 or 6 of us—and they were all discussing this person’s virginity, and they were kind of lusting after him. And I wasn’t, because I said “he’s dumb as a post”, to which you said….
C: “Don’t insult the post.”
K: Yes, and that cracked me up.
C: Yeah.
K: So, no, say the rest of the joke. You said, “don’t insult the post because…”
C: I don’t remember the rest of the joke.
(K laughs)
C: Because that was the funny part to me.
K: You said “don’t insult the post because” … something. I don’t remember the joke now, either.
C: I just made you forget it.
K: Yeah, you did.
C: Magic trick!
K: Total magic trick. No, I think it was something about the post was smarter than the person because they had atoms or something move. I don’t know. It was a really funny joke. At the time. But this is a couple decades ago. I’m old. I’m tired. I can’t remember.
(C laughs)
K: But, and in that moment, I felt so bonded to you.
C: Mmhmm.
K: And it gave me an exit out of a really uncomfortable conversation.
C: Right.
K: Because I didn’t like the fact that everybody was sort of lusting over this guy based on his looks and making a big deal about whether or not the person had had sex. Because I didn’t feel like that was any of my business.
C: Right.
K: And whether or not someone has had sex prior to dating me, umm, doesn’t impact how attractive they are to me as a person.
C: I think it’s kind of creepy. I mean, I know that it’s big in some circles to like, want to…
K: Be someone’s first?
C: Be someone’s first. And I think if you’re a virgin and you want to marry a virgin, that’s like… you know… rock on with your virginal self. Like, in all seriousness.
K: Yeah.
C: But I think that if you’re not a virgin, whether or not somebody else is shouldn’t have any bearing on how attractive you find them. Because I see it primarily in guys who want to sleep with women who are virgins—
K: But there’s like a whole group of… I’ve known a lot of women that really value male virginity.
C: Yeah.
K: And female virginity.
C: It’s creepy to me.
K: Yeah, I don’t value the virginal self. But that’s just me. I don’t feel like it’s anything special.
C: Yeah.
K: To be someone’s first. I think if you’re someone’s first, there’s just a lot of stuff you’re going to have to teach them.
(C laughs)
K: And I don’t value teaching in that way.
C: You went to college to learn, not to teach.
K: Thank you! Snaps. Props. So, after that I remember us just becoming really fast friends, and hanging out together all the time. And we sort of started to talk about everybody else in our friend group behind their back, and just became best friends.
C: Yeah. I mean… not, gossip. I think when you say “talk about them behind their back” it makes it sound like we were gossiping about people. And I think we were just talking about like what they had going on in their life. Not drama, just in general—
K: Yeah.
C: —because how everybody came to De Anza was so different.
K: Yeah, because the one friend who was failing econ was actually high-school age…
C: Right.
K: …and De Anza has a really great program for high-school students who are struggling. In their junior year of high school, they can transfer to De Anza and get their high-school diploma while earning college credit.
C: Right. And as soon as I found out that, that ended that eye crush.
(K laughs)
K: Which made me respect you so much.
C: Uh-huh.
K: That was one of the things that I like really respected you for was that just knowing someone’s age made them not attractive to you. And a lot of people don’t have that, and so I really admired and respected your integrity and your moral substance. Because I did view our friend as a child, and when they would hang out with us they would ask “Hey, can… is it okay if I drink? Can you slip me some alcohol?” and I was always like, “no. I’m not contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Just, nope.”
C: Yeah, I remember going to the movies with her and some other people, and we were all ordering margaritas, and we ordered her a Shirley Temple.
K: Yep.
C: And then when she complained we ordered her a second one.
K: (laughing) Yes!
C: And she drank them ’cause she liked them.
K: Yes, she did! But she was so pissed off at us for that.
C: Yeah, but I think part of the reason she hung out with us, and you know she could always write and say it was wrong is because we didn’t treat her like she was grown. Because I know growing up being treated like somebody who was grown, that was too much responsibility for me.
K: But we also didn’t condescend to her. We treated her as a friend.
C: That’s what I’m saying. But we didn’t, like, expect her to know everything, and I think we treated her as a friend but also with boundaries.
K: Yeah. Nobody ever had sex with her. Nobody gave her drugs. Nobody gave her alcohol.
C: Right. Yep.
K: Yeah. So I think we were a safe space.
C: Yes.
K: Because some of the other people that she was hanging out with at the time, I didn’t feel like were a safe space for her.
C: Right.
K: But I don’t want to go into that, because that’s her story, not ours.
C: Yeah.
K: So, we became friends, and we became best friends, and we were spending all of our time together.
C: Well, it was pretty easy because I had a 7 a.m., well, 7:30 a.m., class
K: Yeah
C: and like a 4:30 p.m. class, so I spent most of my day on campus, because I lived pretty far away, so you know going back home between classes just wasn’t realistic. And I think your situation was pretty much the same. You had some early morning classes, some afternoon classes. And so we’d spend every time that neither one of us had class just hanging out.
K: Yeah, and I didn’t always go to class. So—
C: Yeah, I know.
K: —we spent all of those times hanging out.
C: I know. That was horrifying to me. I mean, the irony of that with me having skipped econ every day….
K: Yes!
C: But I asked the instructor. (K laughs) I said “I already know this stuff, can I skip class?”
K: Yes.
C: And they said “Yes, but if you fail the test you’re going to fail the class.” and I said “I’m willing to live with that.”
K: Yeah. And so I remember we became fast friends, and then I remember when we started sleeping together and when we told our friend group, everyone was like “No. You guys are not,” and I’m like “We are! We’re sleeping together.”
C: Oh yeah. Yeah.
K: Because we weren’t actually a couple, we were just sleeping together. We were friends with benefits at that point in time.
C: Yep.
K: ‘Cause I feel like we were polyamorous and I had kind of a messy relationship that I had been trying to get out of for a year, and you were married to someone else.
C: I was. But I had moved out.
K: Yes. Because I was like, “You have to move out, I’m not going to be anybody’s mistress,” when I swy that okay, wait, this is going some place romantic. And I think it’s important to note that your wife knew that we were sleeping together because you guys had an open marriage.
C: Yes.
K: And I was sleeping with quite a few people, and everybody—while they didn’t know your name—they did know that someone new had, uh, “joined the team,” so to speak.
(Both laugh)
K: Because I was so… I’ve been very open that I’m pansexual and that means that I don’t… that I’m not attracted to genders, I’m attracted to people. That’s what it means for me. It might mean something for someone else. But pansexual for me means that I’m attracted to people, not genders. And it also means that I enjoy sleeping with couples. And I enjoy group sex activities. And so I had a couple couples I was seeing and I also had a couple singles I was seeing, and you were very aware of that when we started hanging out together.
C: Yeah, I was aware of it when we were friends. And I think that one of the reasons that we became a couple, and that we started sleeping together before we became a couple, was that I never judged you for it.
K: Well, I didn’t care whether or not people judged me. I’ve never cared. I’ve always felt like people are going to judge me.
C: Yeah.
K: And I just have decided a long time ago to not care.
C: Well, I just felt like that was your life and your business, and you were choosing to share it with me, but I didn’t feel any particular ownership.
K: Yeah, and I feel like if who I sleep with is none of your business unless you’re sleeping with me—
C: Right.
K: —and I always practiced safe sex. And I got regular STD screenings and all of that to be safe, and I’m very very happy that I don’t have any STDs, and I was very happy that you don’t have any STDs, because I also asked my partners to get regular STD screening.
C: Right.
K: Because it’s interesting that I was polyamorous but also a little bit of a germophobe.
C: Yes!
K: And I’ve always been like really afraid of HIV, because I grew up in the 80s and lost a lot of friends to that, and I’ve always been terrified of herpes. Like, I don’t want to get herpes. Now that I’ve grown and matured, I think there are worse things in like that can happen than getting herpes, but when I was sleeping with a lot of different people, those were the two big ones that I was most concerned about contracting.
C: Yeah. Well, and I, and just, you know, I know it’s early days yet in the podcast, but just in case anybody starts lusting after us—
(K laughs)
C: We are now monogamous.
K: That is so funny to me. I really don’t think anyone’s going to start lusting after us.
C: Well, just in case. We’re monogamous and have been for a very long time.
K: Yeah, ’cause I’m going to be 50 this year. I feel like the time for people lusting after… I’m 50. I’m married, I have an adult child.
C: Wow, you actually are going to be 50 this year.
K: Yeah, I know I’ve been calling myself 50 for three years.
C: No, you’ve been calling yourself 50 for seven years.
K: Oh, God, no… I didn’t start calling myself 50… I think 44, I started calling myself—
C: 43 you started calling yourself 50.
K: Really?
C: Yeah
K: That’s not how I remember it.
C: Because I’m 43 now (K laughs), and you were like “43 is closer to 45 than it is to 40, and once you’re 45, you’re 50.”
K: Yes. Because I like the gravitas of 50.
C: (laughing) Yes.
K: I just do. And I have gray hair now, so I don’t feel like I’m “past it,” I just feel like I don’t carry myself in a way that inspires lust. Because I have like basically the same clothes every day. I don’t wear makeup. My hair is up in a bun. I always wear jeans and a tank top and a button-down shirt over that, and I like look the same. And I’m more into being a therapist
C: Right.
K: than I’m into being a sex object, so I think I kind of work very hard to not be sexualized. And because of my history and because I used to be a sex worker, I really value not having a sexualized persona now. So that’s why I was laughing. Like, I’m actually working to prevent that. So…
C: Well, yeah, and I imagine that’s probably helpful with not getting the transference, if that’s what it’s called, from your clients as well.
K: Yeah.
C: You don’t, you don’t want that attraction from them.
K: Well, I have a very, very strong belief and view that for me to have sex with a client, for me, my understanding, my education informs me that that would be rape. Because they can’t truly consent because of the power dynamic.
C: Right.
K: And so I have had clients develop crushes on me, and I’m very clear to them, and we unpack it, we explore it, we talk about it, and usually by the end of the conversation they no longer have a crush on me.
C: Yep.
K: Because I do talk. Um. Because I am sex positive and kink positive and sex-worker positive, sometimes sex is a big part of the conversation. And working with couples, sex is usually a big part of the conversation. So, in talking about sex with me, sometimes my openness and my acceptance can cause a spark of attraction—
C: Right.
K: —And then we explore and explore how acceptance shouldn’t, for me, acceptance shouldn’t lead to attraction. You shouldn’t be attracted to everyone who accepts you. And there’s usually something deeper going on there. So, yeah, I work really hard to not be a sexual entity anymore. And I’m so in like my mom space, and my wife space, and…
C: Your professional space. It’s just not…
K: Yeah, my life is so about other things now.
C: It’s not something you share with the world anymore.
K: Correct. And so to me, when like people are attracted to me, I’m like “no, there’s something else going on.”
(both laugh)
K: “It’s not that you actually want to have sex with me. There’s something else going on. It’s an emotional thing, rather than like actually wanting to have sex with me.” So I think that the history of us, I really love our history, and I really love that… because you’re a member of the ACCJ, and one of the ACCJ members said that we’re in the…
C: …in the “cupcake phase.”
K: And I love that!
C: Yeah, so I was at a barbecue, a fall barbecue, and he’s married and he was talking to—he was hitting on—some of the women there
K: Which is such a tragedy to me.
C: Yeah. And he said “Well, and there’s Chad. Chad and Kisstopher they’re still in the cupcake phase of their marriage.” (K laughs) And so now, yes, yes, that’s right. We are in the cupcake phase.
K: Yes, we are happily happily married. And I think it’s because our marriage, as hokey and corny as it sounds, I really did marry my best friend.
C: Yes.
K: And there have been times when our friendship, in our marriage with it being, you know we’re two decades in, there have been times in the marriage that it was the friendship that kept the marriage going.
C: I think so. I mean, ’cause, I mean, I almost never talk about her, but my first wife I felt like I was intellectually compatible with, but we weren’t really friends in the way that you and I were friends.
K: Yeah.
C: And so it barely lasted a year, that marriage. And, you know, I wish her well, but I haven’t talked to her since we got divorced.
K: And my first wife, because yes, I was married to a woman before, umm, you and I got together, but she was not my most recent relationship. In my first marriage I feel like there were some serious compatibility issues. We were together five years, but we were only married for one. And it wasn’t legal, but… we were married in Reno, and at the time, because she had a mustache and goatee, they didn’t look at the gender on her driver’s license, and they issued us a marriage license and we were able to get married.
C: Oops! (K laughs)
K: So it wasn’t… it was legal, but it wasn’t legal, so when we tried to get a divorce and all of that, they were like…
C: Yeah, when you and I got married we asked the lawyer who was handling my divorce, like what do we do about yours.
K: And she was so confused.
C: She was like, “It was never legal, so there’s nothing to do.”
K: Yeah. And my ex never… I did actually serve my ex with divorce papers that they never signed.
C: Yeah.
K: So… that marriage wasn’t legal, so we didn’t really go through a divorce, and we’re still, we’re still friends.
C: Yeah.
K: We’re still friendly. I don’t know if we’re friends. If you’re listening to this, you owe me an email.
(both laugh)
K: But I still have, just, a lot of love in my heart for them and you get along with them really well.
C: Yeah. Yep.
K: So, but my most recent ex before we got together, it was very tumultuous and painful and so it’s so confusing because I went from. So, to make it less confusing, I was with a woman for five years, and I kind of have a habit of switching genders in between relationships.
C: The gender of your partner, right?
K: Yeah. (laughs) Yeah, the gender of my partner, not mine. And I was with a man, and we were together for five years, and then at the end of that relationship is when I started being polyamorous and dating lots of couples and just living my best life because I didn’t want a relationship after that because it was really painful and twisted and bad. Who we were when we were together was just toxic. It was just a sad, toxic relationship.
C: Yeah, and I think that’s… and that just makes me think that I love being in love with you and I love being married to you, but I don’t think that you can’t… let me not do the double-negative thing. I think you can have a rich and fulfilling life being single.
K: Yes, I do, too.
C: And I think you can have a rich and fulfilling life having kids or not having kids.
K: I do, too.
C: So, yeah, I… but you were saying?
K: (laughs) Did you lose your train of thought?
C: I did. I did.
K: Okay. So I felt really happy and fulfilled in what I was doing and so when we met I wasn’t looking for a relationship but I think I low-key was.
C: Mmhmm.
K: Because I had did that, um, there was this thing going around on the Internet and, at that time, it was right when email had just started, and I got a chain letter in the email that said “fill this out, and then send it to ten people,” and the thing that you were supposed to fill out was who the person of your dreams was.
C: Right.
K: And, interesting to me, and this is what caused us to get together, is when we were sitting in the cafeteria at De Anza and I was reading my list, and I looked up and you jokingly said that you were my list.
C: Yes.
K: And when I looked up, it felt like I was looking at you with completely fresh eyes, like the veils were taken off my eyes. Because the #1 thing that I had on my list was “dark chocolate.” (C laughs) I wanted, like, I wanted a man that was so dark that his skin was purple.
C: Uh-huh.
K: Like so black he’s purple. And, so, for me, I just, I was really focused on having an African-American partner. And I hadn’t considered non African-Americans for partnership. And I had been with non African-Americans before, and I’d been with African-Americans. I was equal opportunity. I had just always assumed that my life partner would be Black.
C: Right.
K: And, when you said, “hey, that list describes me,” I was like, “Snap. It does.” And that’s when your race was no longer an issue for me in terms of dating.
C: I remember that.
K: (laughs) And it was a lot of, I had to do a lot of work, and education, because I had dated white women, but I had never dated a white man. And so it was surprising and interesting to me how, like, I thought I understood dating white people because I had dated lots of white girls.
C: Right.
K: But dating a white guy is so different. And I had slept with lots of white guys. But I have never actually coupled with…
C: Uh-huh.
K: …and had a relationship with a white guy. But there was just so much stuff you didn’t know.
C: Well, I mean, I think the family that I met, because I met a lot of your family, but it was all on your dad’s side.
K: Yeah.
C: So, and you know your dad’s side is African-American and Black and Indigenous, and there’s a lot of different mix on that side.
K: Yeah. And European.
C: But I didn’t ever meet anybody from your mom’s side. I still haven’t, to this day, met anybody from your mom’s side.
K: Because we’ve never been to Alabama.
C: Right.
K: They’re all in Alabama.
C: So when I met you, you were like, you know I think it was like three or four months after we met, you finally said something to me about “Why don’t you ever ask me like what ethnicity I am?”
K: Yes. ‘Cause you’re one of the few people in my life that haven’t asked me what my ethnic background is. Because being multi-racial, usually people will ask me “What are you?” And I always think, “I’m human.”
C: Mmhmm.
K: I’m human. I’m a woman. I’m human. What do you mean? And I usually make it uncomfortable for them because I wish people would get to know me, because I feel like if you get to know me, then all of that history will come out when it’s relevant.
C: Right. And I always find that interesting because I see people ask you, “Where are you from?” and you’re like, “I’m from California.” “Well, but where are your parents from?”
K: Yeah.
C: And you’re like, “Oklahoma.” “But but where are you…” and then it’s fun for me to cut in with “Yeah, no, she’s like American from the way back. But me, my grandma came from Norway and both my grandpas came from England.”
K: Yeah.
C: So, you know, I’m second-generation American from three of my four grandparents.
K: Yeah, and so they find it really frustrating, and I wish people would just be honest that they want to know what my ethnic background is.
C: Yep.
K: And, so I don’t… sometimes it bugs me, and sometimes it doesn’t. It just depends on my mood that day.
C: Yeah.
K: And the fact that you had never asked me was really, really nice for me. Because, interesting enough, on the list of what I wanted in a man—because I did want it to be a male partner, at that time I had decided that I wanted my life partner to be male—and so for me one of the things that was really important was that he had to love my hair.
C: Mmhmm.
K: Because I have really curly hair, and one of the partners I had before, I had straightened my hair for New Year’s Eve, and it was just for New Year’s Eve, I don’t like straightening my hair, and they would just complain and complain that I never straightened my hair. And she drove me nuts with that. Like, I stopped seeing her because of that. (C laughs) Like, she asked one too many times why don’t I straighten my hair, and I was like okay, I’m done with you ’cause you’re annoying. And I had a couple that I had stopped seeing because they were in love with my curly hair, like, so when people would become obsessed with my hair, it felt like they were fetishizing my hair.
C: Exoticizing you?
K: Yeah. And I just didn’t like it. And the fact that you didn’t was refreshing for me. Because this is happening on both sides of the fence with all the different races that I was dating, and I was dating a melting pot of people. So even African-Americans, people with Latin history, people with Asian history, people with Caucasian history, just all the different races were always obsessed on my skin color, my eyes, and my hair. And I just. ‘Cause I have hazel eyes, and so sometimes they look green, sometimes they look blue, and just fixating on those things. And you never did.
C: Well I think, maybe because I’m autistic or I don’t know why, I’m just not a very visual person. So, like the, I, when we met, I thought you were good-looking, but that was not a factor in my attraction to you. It was our conversations. It was our friendship that made me attracted to you.
K: Yeah.
C: And so I, I just, when my friends met you they were like “Wow, she is smoking hot!” (K laughs)
K: Thank you!
C: Yes. You know. “How are you guys getting together?”
K: But all of my people thought you were incredibly hot. And I think you’re smoking hot, too.
C: Thank you.
K: I’ve always thought you were incredibly handsome. And your facial hair is just absolutely stunning.
C: Thank you.
K: Yeah, it’s stunning.
C: I often see people stunned by it (K laughs) walking down the street.
K: It’s so funny now because I was totally impressed with your beard when we first met.
C: Oh, yeah, pictures of it now, it’s like “That patchy little thing?”
K: Yeah! So because it was like, it did cover your entire jaw but it wasn’t like Beard. I feel like now you have a capital-B Beard.
C: Yeah, I got somebody telling me, for the first time, like a month ago that “You’ve got a ZZ Top beard”, and I’m like, “I’ve arrived.”
K: Yeah, but I don’t think you have a ZZ Top beard. It’s only midway down your chest.
C: Yeah, and this is probably as long as it ever gets. It tends to fall out.
K: Yeah, it breaks off, so. You’re not getting a ZZ Top beard.
C: See, I knew you weren’t going to let me have it.
(K laughs)
K: No, that’s Mother Nature not letting you have it. That’s your genetics. ‘Cause your beard breaks off.
C: So, and when we met I had long hair.
K: Yeah, you did.
C: So, I think this is a funny story. When we met I had long hair, but I was balding. I’d been balding since I was 14.
K: No, I think maybe 16?
C: No, you’ve seen the pictures. From 14.
K: Okay, I thought you were 16 in those pictures.
C: No, some of them I’m only 14.
K: Okay.
C: So, I’ve been balding since I was 14, but I had long hair, and I had a pony tail.
K: Which I did not like.
C: Yeah. I also had a convertible. So I was always combing my hair, just like ripping through it. And that horrified you. And you said “You should shave your head.” Oh, and I had dyed my hair red! I forgot about that.
K: Yes, your hair was red.
C: I forgot about that. Because I only ever dyed it once in my life. I dyed it red just before I started, just before we met. And I said “Well, okay, if ten people tell me they think I’d look better bald, then I’ll let you shave my head.”
K: Yes.
C: And I think it took you like a day to find ten people. (both laugh)
K: Yes. I would just ask people “Wouldn’t he look good bald? Don’t you think Chad should shave his head?” Yeah, and then I shaved your head.
C: Yeah.
K: And it’s so so funny, to me, the funniest thing that ever happened when we were getting together was when you drove over to my ex’s house and they rode up on a bike…
C: Yes!
K: So do you want to tell the story?
C: No!
K: Okay, so they rode up on a bike and they came up and they were like “Who the fuck are”. We shouldn’t cuss. “Who the f are you?” ‘Cause we want to have like a G-rated. “Who are you? What are you doing here?” All of this, and like, banging on your door, and you got out of your car and they rode away.
C: Okay, but wait, so you want to have a G-rated, even though we’re going to talk about sex work and all of that kind of stuff?
K: (laughing) Okay, yeah, I don’t think we’re going to be able to have a G rating. But I’m trying not to curse.
C: Okay, okay.
K: I’m trying not to curse, but that one came out. I don’t know, ’cause I haven’t decided yet. Are we cursing, or not?
C: Yeah, I think we are, but you know I’m not a gratuitous curser.
K: Yeah.
C: I always have a reason when I do it.
(K laughs)
K: And I’m a gratuitous curser.
C: Yeah.
K: The F word is like my favorite word.
C: So between the two of us we’re probably average.
K: Yeah. There you go.
C: Yeah, so he rode up on his bike, and I was waiting outside with another friend of ours…
K: Yeah.
C: And, he was like “Who are you? I’m gonna kick your ass,” and, like… you know I’m six inches taller. A hundred pounds heavier. And, the person I was with, a woman, is… 6’2″? 6’3″?
K: No, I don’t think she was 6’2″.
C: She was at least 6’2″.
K: Really?
C: Yeah.
K: Okay.
C: Yeah, she’s at least 6’2″
K: With a black belt
C: With a black belt in Tae… like,
K: …and enjoys violence.
C: And enjoys violence. Enjoys telling people.
K: Yeah. Enjoys stomping a fool.
C: Yeah. I want to tell a brief story.
K: Okay.
C: We’re not going to say her name. But she had come over to my apartment (K starts laughing) to hang out, she’d come over to my apartment to hang out, and I had plans later, so I wasn’t going to be able to drive her home. This is when I was driving, before I got diagnosed with epilepsy and they said “well, you know, we’re not going to take your license, but if you get in an accident and you hurt somebody, you’re going to jail for murder because you know that you shouldn’t drive.”
K: Yeah.
C: Which I thought was totally irresponsible of them. But, so she had called a taxi to take her home. And then, my plans fell through, so I was like “I could drive you home.” So we’re walking to my car, and the taxi pulls up. Doesn’t know what she looks like. Doesn’t know who they’re looking for. (K laughs) And she says “Hey, I don’t want you anymore!” And the taxi driver gets upset. And she says “Don’t make me snatch you through that window and break you in half!”
K: Yes. But interestingly enough, it was that event that made you decide you couldn’t be with her.
C: Yes.
K: Because there was five of us girls in the group, and each one of the girls wanted to partner with you.
C: Yes.
K: And I waited until you went through all of them.
C: So, by “went through” you mean rejected.
K: Yes.
C: Because I…
K: You didn’t sleep with any of them.
C: No.
K: If you had slept with any of them, I… we wouldn’t have gotten together because for me I just don’t like sleeping with people my friends have slept with unless it was a group sex activity.
C: Yep. (both laugh)
K: Unless it happens at the same time.
C: Which, not saying who, but some of them wanted to try that.
K: Yes, and so, because I remember calling you up when you were in a business meeting and saying “Hey, do you want to have a threesome this weekend?” (both laughing)
C: Yes.
K: And you were like, “Umm, I’m in a business meeting,” and I was like “Yeah, okay, whatever but do you want to have a threesome this weekend?”
C: Now, I would say “Let’s discuss this later.” Which means it’s probably what I said then, because I haven’t changed very much in my responses.
K: Yeah, you did say “let’s discuss this later,” and then when we talked about it, the third person who was supposed to be the third chickened out and was like no, they didn’t want to. And so I was like “okay,” and so the reason they had asked me to ask you if you wanted to have a threesome is because they were afraid to find out whether or not you were sexually attracted to them.
C: Right.
K: Because they were really insecure. And then when they found out that you were attracted to them, they just did a bunch of really … I felt shady things.
C: Mmhmm.
K: In terms of having you go shopping and buy them things and, a lot of stuff that made you feel not good about partnering with them. So it was interesting to me to watch everybody kind of burn their bridges with you.
C: Yep.
K: And, it was also very comforting to me emotionally to watch people burn their bridges with you. And just see what I think of as your sexual integrity.
C: Mmhmm.
K: In terms of just not sleeping with people you don’t like.
C: Right.
K: And, to be clear, I was sleeping with people I didn’t like at the time, so I felt like you had better sexual integrity than I did. And it made me really start to reflect and think about, you know, who I was sleeping with.
C: Mmhmm.
K: And why am I sleep with them if I don’t enjoy their company?
C: Right.
K: And I really just, for me, I feel like I became a better person with more self-respect through knowing you.
C: I feel like I’ve had that for myself, too. I feel like now than I was when we met.
K: Yeah, and so to me that’s the story of us. Is that I’m a much better person now than when we met, and that’s for knowing you.
C: That’s nice! Yeah, and I feel like that’s why the story continues. Because I think I’m going to continue to become a better person.
K: I think I feel the same way.
C: Because I’m not perfect. A lot of people tell me I am.
K: I think you’re perfect.
C: Right.
K: I tell you you’re perfect all the time. You ain’t gotta change a thing.
C: But I know that part of what I value so much in our relationship is that the wedding vow that we made to each other, which maybe we’ll tell the story of our wedding another time because it’s funny, I think—
K: Yeah, it is.
C: —But the wedding vow that we made to each other is that we would always continue to grow and change.
K: Yes.
C: It wasn’t “love, honor, and obey”, it was that we would always grow and change, and that we would always treat each other as a friend.
K: Yes. And I feel like we’re still doing that today. And I feel like we did that during the hard years. Because we did have some hard years in our marriage.
C: Yeah.
K: And so, for me, I’m grateful that you stuck around through the hard years.
C: I’m grateful you stuck around, too.
K: Yeah, I’m happy. I’m happy here and now, baby.
C: Yeah? (both laugh) Me too, I’m happy here and now. And we hope that you are happy here and now, listening.
K: Yes, we hope all our listeners are happy here and now, living their best life.
C: And come back next week for more.
K: Yep, talk to you then.
C: Bye-bye.
K
So lately, I’ve been thinking about post holiday life in the US versus Japan and actually, this was on my mind a lot last month, but we never got around to talking about it is so completely different. And I find that I’m bicultural, in my expectations, are you bicultural and your expectation,
C
I’m not quite sure what that means, because I feel like the holiday ends and then you go back to the rest of life.
K
So I feel like that too. But when the holiday ends, I feel it’s so different. Because in Japan, technically, all of the businesses like the holiday ended on January 3, but I’m looking at a calendar right now. So the holiday ended January 3 was a Monday, officially on that Monday in Japan. And then supposedly everybody was supposed to be back at work by the fourth. And they did go back to work. But most companies didn’t actually acknowledge they were back to work. And so a week later on the 10th, because they use from the fourth to the seventh, as a way to deal with all of their backlog. And so they just marked themselves as closed a lot of places.
C
I feel like this is the fourth synchronization of vacation, which happens in most countries, too, because only the 31st on the first are actually holidays. Yeah. So I feel like they can make people burn at least one of their 10 days of annual holiday by saying we’re not coming back, you have to take holiday. So not every company does that. But I think that’s part of it, too. Like, we don’t want you taking vacations at convenient times, because that’s what I’ve noticed about Japan is there are the holidays. And yeah, you should not take any time off. At other times.
K
I feel like the yes is the same. And again, this is a really, I feel really classist conversation. Because for me, I didn’t take any time off during the holidays. I tried to write, but no matter what business I start, matter what business I run. People want things from me during those days are supposed to be holidays. And even people knowing that I was hospitalized earlier in the year. And even people knowing that I was hospitalized, they were still emailing me for things. And they thought they were being really considerate in the email, and saying, You don’t have to read this now. And I hope you take time to take care of yourself. But just in case, you would like to take care of me while you’re in the hospital. Here’s all the information you need to do so. And I was like, okay, so this really isn’t thoughtful. Yo, if your email, if I tweet that I am in the hospital, you don’t have to acknowledge that you’ve ever seen that tweet. But if you send me an email, acknowledging that, you know, I’m hospitalized, and you’re going to be so gracious, let me decide whether or not I deal with it. That’s just you telling me that you feel anxious about something, and you want me to take care of your anxiety,
C
or your email scheduling system works schedule that email.
K
Right. And so I get it. And I usually just address whatever it is, even if I’m in the hospital, which is like a really bad habit, I really shouldn’t be working when I’m hospitalized. I really shouldn’t. But as anyone knows, when you have a chronic illness, and you spend more time in the hospital, you have to work anyways. And I think that’s bled into my understanding of holidays as well. Like, I don’t understand if something needs to launch at the beginning of January. How can I take the last week of December off? I don’t get it because people think that everything can be scheduled. And that’s not the case of button has to be pushed at the bare minimum, right? A button has to be pushed. And before anything goes out, it has to be proof read and like there’s all these so it’s not just pushing a button. So I feel like for me holidays are are just annoying. Gosh, they are so post holiday. Like even into February. I’m annoyed the fact that there was a two week holiday
C
season. I got three weeks off this year, which that was yummy. Yeah, that was yummy for you. Yeah.
K
It was so yummy.
C
It was nice for me too. But I think anybody who wanted anything from me in that time when I worked a couple of hours. You worked a couple of days. Across three weeks that is so much less than I usually do. Correct, but you still worked. But the number of emails that I got over the holidays, my holidays was about 10 that weren’t automated, I got a bunch of automated emails.
K
So I wonder at what level you have to be to actually take the holidays off. Because working minimum wage, I always work on holiday on holidays. Yeah, me too, always. And then when I was working for above minimum wage, when I was in the service industry, we’ll call it, I always work, holidays. And then when every time so I went from that to be a regular employee, where I was about middle class on the weights I was making, when I was working for ABC. And I technically had holidays off. But I did get called in sometimes during the holidays, to help families with their kids. And then so then I didn’t really get holidays off. And then I started my own business. And since then, I’ve always had my own businesses. And I’ve never been able to get time off during the holidays, because someone has to be on call during those times for the businesses to run smoothly, no matter what business I own. And I always feel like that person should be me. And I have to admit, a couple of employees had to work over the holiday, they weren’t able to take the time off. Because things came up. They didn’t have to work every single day. Right. But they had to work one or two days. So who’s getting a solid two weeks off? I wonder
C
bank employees and government workers?
K
Yeah, when I worked because I did work at a bank for a while. You’re right. So it’s a bank holiday?
C
It’s a bank holiday? Yeah. I think it’s about whether your consumer facing and if you are consumer facing but the other. The consumers you’re facing are also in business. It’s about whether they’re consumer facing and whether you’re providing some need to them.
K
What does consumer facing? What are you saying
C
when I moved to California in 1995? So before some of our listeners were born,
K
and you were only 19 You’re still a teenager? When you move to California,
C
I was 20 when I moved there. Thank you very much. Because I moved late in the year I’d have my birthday.
K
So you moved right before the New Year?
C
I moved right before the new year. Yes. I feel like there’s
K
a lot of fun going on here trying to act Rome. Yeah. He’s trying to ground your ground now. But you weren’t run then.
C
So holidays were one of the few days that I didn’t work. When I started in the software industry. I worked weekends, I worked nights I worked mornings. I work days, but I didn’t work holidays, because nobody else around was working.
K
Oh, that’s interesting. I always assumed you did. I’m learning something new about Jad. Yes, it’s so awesome. is one of the reasons why we love doing the podcast, we learn new things about each other. I didn’t know that you had holidays off. I had
C
holidays off. Wow. I was working 70 hours a week. Yeah, other weeks. But I had holidays off.
K
So is it that sort of because I kind of had holidays off when I was working for Applied Behavior consultants. And so like there’s a whole thing, I don’t think they’re a good company. What everything they taught me was bad. Except for the differential diagnosis courses that they had me take those who are on point. But I don’t believe in behavior modification the way that they they do it.
C
But you’re still working for them when I met you. Yeah, I was. And you didn’t work on school holidays. If you worked with the kids at school?
K
Yeah, but I still so I guess teachers also get the holiday off. But every teacher I’ve known during the break, they have to go in for in service days. Yeah. So they only get part of the holiday off. And then they have a parent for the school year
C
to do homework and grading and such. And when I was teaching, I was like, Nah, I’m not going to prep any lessons outside of my work time. That’s not true. Why are you lying? No, that’s true. But I only worked part time. So I guess still not true. Yeah, I guess I was there all day. And I taught two classes. So I had lots of prep time.
K
And then there were still experiments that you were doing at home to see if they would work.
C
Yeah, that’s true. So but I think about all the teachers who gave us homework over the Christmas break. Yeah, who were like, here’s 50 hours of work to do over the next two weeks. And that felt like they were just mad. They weren’t working.
K
Yeah, I feel that way too. But most of the teachers that we know here in Japan are bitter. And most of the teachers that we knew in the US were also bitter. Yeah. So we haven’t we only know like two or three teachers that weren’t burnout and weren’t bitter. So this kind of gives us a nice segue into like the difference in the US. And in the US. I find that the US starts work as soon as they’re back. to work, they announced that they’re back at work, right and that they’re open for business, but then make you wait. And so this is when I was talking about being bicultural. For me, I find that annoying. So I feel like don’t front, you’re not really open for business because I can’t ask you for anything. And I find this as really true of teachers at the PhD level, they are not ready to take on anything of mine. Right. So since we’ve come back from since we came back from the break their hat, they have not been responsive. Like they’ve responded in a way that says I’ve responded. So the clock stops on the response. taking any actions.
C
I remember them being like, okay, submit this by the first of the year. Yeah. And then getting back to you late November, or late January rather late January.
K
Yeah. So what was Why were you sweating me? Like, what was that about?
C
Well, they were on vacation, even though the classes were still running.
K
Yeah. And they do this passive aggressive thing, where, because by the rules of the university, they cannot ask me to work. But they said, Wouldn’t it be nice if that kind of thing where you know, like, if someone’s your boss and coach, and I say, Would it be nice if you work if you could work? On Saturday? Yeah, you know that they’re lucky asking you to work Saturday. And if you don’t, it’s like, I always have to think I’m like, is this worth burning Goodwill for? And like, because I was in the hospital, they just completely stopped responding to me, even though the expectation was I needed to work. So I felt like I was being double penalized for being hospitalized. I have to work while being in the hospital. But then I couldn’t do anything beyond what they beyond that, that would require interaction between the two of us, because both my chair and culture are obsessed with talking to me on the phone, and I don’t talk on the phone. So Riddle me this. How are you going to give me a talk on the phone? If I’m not in the hospital? I’m still not going to do it. You have to tell me, it’s the only possible way to do it, or that it is mandated by the university. And you’ll it’s not. So send me an email because I have really exceptional reading comprehension, despite being dyslexic. Because I’m not going to talk on the phone, because it messes up my whole sleep pattern. Yes. And can trigger insomnia, because after talk to them sometimes at midnight, and if the conversation goes from midnight to one, they think well, you could just go to bed after that. No, after that. My thoughts are racing based off what we talked about, and then be up till 6am At a minimum, which usually means up till 10am. And then I have to like go through months and months of trying to get my sleep, right. So I’m not doing that unless I have to I’m in Japan.
C
So I feel like this is a thing that’s only recent, like 20 years ago, there were a few companies who outsource their call centers to India or whatever. Yeah, knowing that there was a huge time difference. But I feel like now, it’s kind of expected that you’ll work with companies wherever. And especially if you’re not in the US. I end up working with US companies a lot. And that means I have meetings at six or 7am.
K
And I’m down with that. Right. But because of the time change, it will be super late for them. I think that’s all start doing. I’ll start making it convenient for me. Yeah. And not caring. Like if you want to talk to me, you can talk to me at 6am. My time, I’m willing to get up at 6am my time. I am not willing to get up earlier than that. Or we could do it by email. I’m fine either way, because I’m fine to put myself out for like, if it’s my oral defense, like, I’ll do that anytime.
C
You’re done with that to be clear. Well, no, I
K
did. My old defense might propose up to my old defense. My dissertation. Viva forte. Yeah. Yeah. Because I’m in Psych. Yeah. So and you did too, or? Yeah, I
C
did. Yeah.
K
I mean, they’re all defense of your proposal. Yes. Except you had to do that to be accepted. I didn’t have to do that. Yeah, that was right. There’s just different timelines. So for me, I wish that people would be at the individual level, I wish that everybody would understand their own capacity and say when they’re back from holidays or when they need time off, because I do something that absolutely drives people batty. And that is I will randomly drop it like it’s hot. I’m not available for these next few days. And they freak out because I’m really not available. And I will set a balance. I will set up. I will set my email. My email respond to that. Lets you know, I’m not joking. And, to quote the great Kennedy Davenport, no, that’s not curious Coco Montrese. I’m not joking, be it. So sorry, Coco. I am thinking about Kennedy fuck my drag, because that’s how I feel like everybody wants to fuck my vacation, fuck my time off, fuck my drag. And I’m like now I have to set a firm boundary and the boundary has to set so firm because people cannot help themselves that I have to set an email that tells them yo remember I’m I’m gone right now I’m no
C
longer and like Mr. Rogers said look for the helpers
K
is so annoying. I don’t mind being in a helping profession on on that regard or not. And and that kind of segues to like looking at the the meaning of the different meaning of the holidays. Because me yours. I’m so American when it comes to New Year’s I think of it as a time of reinvention.
C
Yeah, the New Year’s think of it as everything as just a time to take a break, and then start again. So it’s different depending on where I’ve worked. So you’re like more Japanese, then? Yeah, it’s different depending on where I’ve worked. The company I work at now the fiscal year starts July 1, company I worked on for the fiscal year started April 1, okay, so it’s the end of the year for us because we have to do US tax things. But in every Japanese tax and Japanese tax things, but in every kind of work capacity, it’s not the end of the year from for me, it’s just a pause. It’s like a break after the busyness that was Black Friday and Cyber Monday and the whole shopping season. So I think that my view of it has changed as I have moved between industries and across different levels and things because when I was doing software, when I first started, it was oh, no, let’s get back to work. everybody’s forgotten what they were working on. Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up. And when I was, you know, in third, doing like, fast food and that kind of thing. I didn’t really get a break. It was
K
nobody does right solidarity to everybody working fast food. I’m so grateful for my time. I feel like working fast food taught me how to get up and go to work.
C
Yeah, me too. I start work at 5am. Like five to one was a great schedule for me.
K
Because that’s the you know, you’re a good employee when you get the morning shift. right open. So proud of myself when I got the morning shift. That’s when you know that you’re on the the track to being a shift supervisor, to manager and all of that.
C
Yeah, so I think I did three years and fast food, which isn’t that long, but I still remember it. And now that I’m in management of an area that doesn’t have external customers. It’s pretty flexible. Like the whole company didn’t have vacation, that would be inaccurate to say, because our customer service people were still working. Or warehouse people were still working all of that kind of thing. Yeah. But being an internal division that supports the other people who are the the office workers. Are they the kind shine to us that Japanese term of just generic office work? They weren’t working. So I was
K
disappointed that using the Japanese term there for you. I think he liked saying it. It’s insane. A lot.
C
It’s an interesting concept to me, because nobody says like white collar or blue collar or whatever. That’s not sad. Yeah. It’s are you like a company person? Or are you like, part time? So the people the grocery store generally aren’t considered kaisheng? Because they’re part time they don’t have a fixed salary. They’re paid hourly. They might not have job stability.
K
We presume we don’t know any. We don’t know anyone who works at a grocery store.
C
I am just presuming based on the ads that are always up for we’re hiring. And what they describe as the we’re hiring, okay. I don’t pay attention. But the factory workers are still high shine, even though they’re not really office workers. Yeah, but I find it interesting that that’s always company employee, not office worker, but it’s usually translated as office worker.
K
I think it means company employee. It does. Yeah, I’ve seen I’ve translated both ways. And we’ve talked about before how Japanese does not translate to English. Yeah. So there’s I feel like chi sign means office worker and also means company worker, right. And the reason I company employee and the reason I think that is because they always ask Raska Are you an employee of a company? And he says yes, may say then your chi shine. Rasa doesn’t like that. Rasta wants the fact that he’s
C
an interpreter.
K
Yeah and interpreter to for that To be said, and in Japan, the reason he doesn’t say that he’s the head of publishing for cinnabar moth is so confusing to them. Yes. So he’s like I do interpretation because they can’t understand it. So he can only report his it’s a whole thing. I’m not gonna do that digression. And I’m not putting Ross’s business in the street like, yeah,
C
no, it’s complicated. For me even even I have a regular job, but it’s not a Japanese company. So it was a whole range
K
of now if you’re like a real employee of anywhere, right, really work anywhere. If you work virtually, I had
C
to get a letter saying I was employed. Yeah. Which a Japanese companies that’s a regular thing. You just ask them for a certificate of employment. And
K
I don’t feel like the certificate of them asking you for a letter is so strange. No, because in Japan, you get a certificate of employment when you work for a Japanese company. That’s right. Yes. I don’t think that’s where you need a letter. I feel like that’s just the culture,
C
the discussion of whether or not that letter was valid, because they didn’t have an office in Japan to which I go was the interesting part. To me. They’re like,
K
so what I do for that is I tell them that your company sells to took your hands. And then like, oh, okay, I was sharing the website. So I have them look at the website and then share that they sell it at Turkey hands. What do you do?
C
I usually don’t deal with that. I used to let you deal with it. Be honest.
K
We’ll talk but have you ever dealt with it on your own? Yeah. Do you have
C
the revenue place? Yeah, I’ve had to deal with it on my own several times. Yeah. So what do you do? I have my employment contract. And I have a letter saying that I’m still employed.
K
And we have a certified translation of it. So that’s important. I think what we were talking about, so there’s no like, elegant way to bring it back around. Like, what do you think of as the end of the year for you? Like, what does me years signify for you? So I felt it’s more like the, the Japanese? Yeah, New
C
Year’s is kind of the mid year for me fiscally. Like, okay, this is happening. But you know, a lot has changed this year between 2021 and 2022. So I’m changing title changing pay, like, it really felt like a New Year this year. But a couple years ago, I had just started the job. So it felt like an interruption, where I wasn’t getting any better at my job. And then last year, it was a vacation. But then things went very sideways. Like, my boss quit and all kinds of stuff. So I feel like this is the first year that has just been time off. Yeah. And my main concern was, how are all the people who work in my team getting their time off? Some of them chose three weeks, and some of them chose two weeks. And that was kind of the extent of mine involvement with the holiday.
K
Did you like the three weeks? I’ve only thought three weeks was a bit long.
C
It was a bit long. I liked it. But it started to seem like, Okay, I feel like there’s gonna be things waiting for me and I, my memory is fading. Yeah, like if things aren’t on my mind. And so it was good. It took me about a week to fully relax, like, okay, it’s not gonna be disastrous for me to not be available.
K
Yeah. And I find that was the mismanagement of your holidays. Yeah. And this year, we’re trying to do better on managing your time off and managing your holidays, so that it’s not so chaotic like that. And I understand that this is an executive issue. Because you’re an executive, you’re at your company. And for me, I look at the dichotomy between the two of us, I’m the owner, but I can’t manage my vacation times, I have to manage my workflow to see when there is time I can take off and then snatch it and claim it and announce it. And, you know, double check and triple check and send out message after message and confirmation after confirmation that I’m really not available this time. And I feel it feels very much the same with the hustle to get your shift covered if you want time off. Yeah, at minimum wage. So I look at that and I just kind of trip on it that I’m the owner, but it still feels very much like that minimum wage hustle. Where you have to, you know, see, Kim, Mary Beth, cover your chef. If Mary Beth flakes out, can Joe cover it. And you have to have like two or three people that are in line to cover your shifts and double check and triple check with them up until the day before you actually go take the time off and then disappear. Right because if something comes in on your death, you’d be like, this was scheduled every manager knew everything. employee you knew like, and then you have to justify it when you can, when you come back why issues weren’t handled by you if there was any issue with covering or shift, and I feel like this, I have to go through the same thing because it felt like, well, why didn’t this thing happen? Or why didn’t that thing happen? And with the press, I feel like would you have even promoted it? If it did? Like, what has it cost you? The check cleared, you’ve been paid. So I have to go gangster. Got your money and your money was right. Congratulations, you played yourself to have to go to my inner DJ Khalid,
C
But I feel like you at least honor the letter of it. And I do, because my first job out of high school, my first full time job was at a place called the royal fork. And when I got hired there, I said, I don’t work Sundays. And they’re like, you don’t work Sundays, but most people work Sundays. I do not work Sundays.
K
Yeah, I don’t work Sundays, and you gotta hold fast to that. Yeah. Everybody wants people to work on Sunday, because they don’t work Sundays,
C
right? I don’t work Sundays. Not ever. Let’s put it in writing. And I don’t work Sundays. So I worked there a year. And then they were like, it’s Mother’s Day you’re working. And I said, I don’t work Sundays. And they said, but everybody’s working tomorrow. I said, I’m not I don’t work Sundays. Like you work tomorrow. You’re fired. I’m like, fuck yeah, I quit. Yeah, got another job. That didn’t work Sundays.
K
I feel that it’s interesting to me. The difference between the two of us when we’re at the same level? Yeah. And so for me, and this is like, I’m checking my privilege and neckline recognizing my privilege, but I really can’t change it for the business to be successful. I think a lot of people think and we I talk about this all the time, I lament the pressure of being a business owner, but I am such a shitty employee, I have so much attitude, I have way too much tongue in my mouth. I am way too grand to be anybody’s employee. And this because like, if you’re gonna manage me, don’t manage me worse than I can manage myself. That’s my issue. And I have yet to meet to meet someone who can manage me better than I manage myself. Yeah. And that’s just it could be grandiose delusions, but I am so in my reality that that’s my truth. And my
C
grandiose delusions, I have people work for me who are like, I want you to check in at least a couple of times a week, I want you to tell me what to do. And other people were like, tell me that goal. And leave me alone unless asked for help. In a nice way,
K
you’re always you’re always upset that people want to be micromanaged by you like micromanaging. And I always tell you ask them, okay, I’m just gonna let go. And I’m like, ask them, Are they in the place where Jesus takes the wheel? And they’re like, No, we do not want Jesus take the wheel. We want you to take the wheel be in charge. Do your job manage me?
C
Yeah. And I feel like they’re misunderstanding my job. But
K
I like your job is to have meetings.
C
Yeah. My job is mostly long term strategy stuff. And, and I think that’s where some of the difference in vacation comes in, is because I am very distant from people paying money to the company. I don’t personally make any of the products. I don’t ship any of the products. I don’t see the products. I don’t touch them. I don’t talk to the customers. I’m very, very distant from the actual money changing hands, reason and execution.
K
It may seem weird that we’re talking about this in February. But the reason it’s been on my mind now and why I wanted to talk about it today is because I feel like both the United States and Japan see the new year as the solar New Year as a time for setting life goals, and a time for reinvention. And I’m in the process where I’m starting to apply my reinvention and I’m relaunching adjustment guidance. I guess I didn’t I was in flux with what to do about adjustment guidance. And I just, if y’all follow us on Twitter, you know that I’m a therapist at heart and I just cinnabar moth publishing is fabulous, but it’s just not fulfilling me and I feel like roster can take it over because the part of it that I do mostly is buying promote books and tweet and I don’t it’s not taking up as much of my time as I thought right my PhD knock wood is winding down and I’m looking at your finishing it not because you’ve quit Yeah, no cuz I’m finishing my PhD. I look at I’ve been doing my PhD and cinnabar moth publishing I look at I can do cinnabar moth publishing, and adjustment guidance and balance those two things. So I have I always have to have to work Three things that I’m doing are I feel really unfulfilled, and bored, I get bored really easy. And when I get bored, I just quit. And that’s not a good thing. So with my PhD, the stress of it and the pressure of it has kept me from feeling bored. Because I have deadlines. And so I’ve always been interested, and can I meet this deadline? Can I beat this deadline? And I like to play the game of can I beat this deadline. And we did it back when we were in the junior college. And we had those pilots. Yeah. And I was set deadlines and grades. And I like calculating things or like beating calculations. And my university has this thing when it’s the your PhD coach, and it tells you if you’re on track, and I love every time I finish something I can shave two months off. Yeah, estimated graduation date.
C
I know you love that. And nobody minds. And that was the thing when we’re back at
K
the official. Yes, it’s what is supposed to do is it supposed to pump beer and make you sweat yourself? And it doesn’t make me sweat myself. Because I’m on point like that. Then we’re back at DeAnza I’m sucking seated this up. So you would
C
track your grades and you get to like, Okay, I don’t have to do anything more. And I have enough points to get an A,
K
which would really be frustrating for my teacher. It would be like
C
new rule. If you don’t turn these in you fail even if you would get an A
K
Yes, we had a teacher that actually did that to me. Yes. Cuz I made the mistake of time them and I was like, I’m not gonna tell you. Cuz I, I would go in and go into teachers office hours and be like, Look, I have an A in your class. If I do nothing else, I’d like to stop attending. But I will still do the homework. And they’d be like, okay, and you’re like, That’s so unfair. I’m like, No, it’s not gonna talk to them. Yeah, they’re like, but the syllabus says, and I’m like, go negotiate your new adjusted syllabus for yourself. Like, do it. And you’re like, No, it’s it’s unfair to everybody who doesn’t know that they can do it. And I’m like, everybody’s not my problem. I’m trying to I’m trying to finish the course. Because I am bored of going to class. Yeah, I’m like, What are you going to do? I’m going to smoke cigarettes and drink coffee. What are you gonna do? I’m gonna go hang out in the library. I’m gonna go eat. Why do you care? So is there I’ve always been like really aggressive that way. And I find that being conceited makes it less aggressive. like to tell people I handle my business. Because I wrote the world. Yeah, it’s my world, and you’re living in it. But that made you angry.
C
I think it’s about time ownership. The it’s my world. You’re living in it. I’m like, No, I live in my own world. But I think a lot of it a lot of holiday stuff is about time ownership. So Japanese companies like to own your time.
K
They like to own you, yes, for life. But they don’t do lifetime guaranteed employment anymore. But a
C
lot of the bigger companies have their company union. And that company helpfully negotiates that, okay, you get 10 vacation days, your first year by law? And then one additional day, every, every year that you work. Yeah. But then unions will be like, Okay, everybody is going to take these same 10 days off. Yes. And you don’t have a choice in it. So like, you don’t have any choice in how to use your vacation. And I’m finding that the company I work for at least is much more flexible.
K
They’re the most flexible company I’ve ever come across. Because you can legit move a holiday that falls on a Wednesday to a Monday. Yeah. I’m sorry. I’d rather take Monday. I’m going to work that Wednesday. And I think that’s the joy of your position. I think so. And Mike and it doesn’t affect because it’s not company wide, right. specific to your team. Yeah, other people they have there is stricter. So like, I don’t know if it’s your company, or if it’s your position. And I feel like post holiday because all of your team took the holiday, there wasn’t this big crunch because it wasn’t just your team. It was the entire data sector, right. The entire technical sector of the company and operation sector of the company. Sections of the company took all of them took that time off. And some of them took even the week after. Yeah, so there wasn’t this big crunch. There wasn’t this backlog. And I thought that was really cool, because you were able to start work and just start work at a regular pace on your regular work week. So you didn’t from like Japan doesn’t find, but like America does.
C
And I feel like a subtle thing that’s different with the Australian companies. And Australian housing too, is that things happen every two weeks. They mean, I get paid every two weeks, not twice a month, every two weeks. Yeah. And if you rent in Australia, you pay rent every two weeks. Not what not once per month, but every two weeks which Wait,
K
wait, what are you talking about right? That is so strange to
C
me. cuz February was always the month that I got screwed. Like, when I was an hourly worker. Yeah, February is tough because there were fewer hours, but I still had to pay the same rent. Yeah. But in Australia, they pay rent every two weeks. So Australia and Australia February is not any harder than me.
K
Are you been serious right now?
C
Yeah, I mean, completely serious.
K
Okay. Chad told me a joke was that I believed and so now I’m like, Oh, he’s testing
C
you know that soon. Other months that I have three paydays? Yeah, I did other months. You have three paydays? That’s because I get paid every two weeks.
K
And rent is all I never took off a while. I’m just like, cool. So I’ve had my hands separate bank accounts, because in Japan, you can’t have joint bank accounts. So I don’t clock Chad’s money like that. And I have my own income. I make my own money. So because I make my own money, we just divided what we pay for. So I’m not tripping, like, do you have the money to pay for your stuff? And Chad’s like, yes. Do you have the money to save some money? And tell us like, yes. And I’m like, Cool. Yeah, we
C
check in with each other. How are you doing? Like,
K
yeah, like, I know, I know what’s in your account, you know, it’s in my account. I have act like I could use your passcode. And all of that. I could pick up your credit card and all of that. So it functioned in function, we shove a shared account. But in form, we have separate accounts. So I don’t pay attention to your paydays. As but I feel like you want me to pay more attention?
C
No, I don’t want you to pay attention. Because I’m a contractor. I have to explicitly bill every two weeks.
K
Yeah, and I don’t pay attention to remind and I feel like that’s what you want. You want support. In your billing,
C
I get a reminder, they have a list. Everybody who has to bill gets an email
K
all your other paperwork? Yes, different. Yeah. And that’s different. So I don’t have to do it. So I find that for me with reinventing myself this year, that I’m going to that I do the tradition of I set an idea of who I want to be after the New Year, I marinate on it for about August of so I marinate on it for about August of 2021. Right, I started thinking about who are you kissed for? What are you about? What are you doing? Get yourself together, you need to reinvent yourself, you’re stale. Because I get bored being who I am, I get bored of myself, I find myself to be very boring. And that boredom drives me to promote self growth and all of that. I think it is a really positive thing. I don’t think of it as a bad thing. I’m not advising you to think of yourself as stale. I’m just saying this is the thing that I do. And then I marinate like, what can I do? Because all of August, I’m like, it’s too hot, I can’t do anything. And then in September, I’m like it’s too hot. I can’t do anything. But I’m thinking about what could I do? I need to do something I’ve got to break out, I feel trapped. I got to break free. And then October happens. And I start thinking about what do I want? Yeah. Like, what are the things I want to do that I want to be able to do that I want to achieve? What are the goals I’m working for? Why do I even work? What do I need money for? Besides just living? Because everybody needs money to live? But how am I going to enjoy money? Is there any money to enjoy? How can I make money that I can enjoy. And I get really hyper focused on enjoyment. And that theme runs from October, November and December. And then December I get really like, you got to keep it down. We got to hold it down. The new year is about to start we have taxes. And I get hyper focused on taxes in December. I’m like completely obsessed with them. And then in January, all of that culminates into, okay, now I need to make a plan to improve myself so that I can be someone completely different by my birthday. Because my birthday is when I assess that I waste that year of life, or did I make the most of it? And what am I going to do with the next year of life? Am I going to waste it? Or am I going to make the most of it? And January, I do all of that work. So February I’m just pumped up full of pride from all of the work I’ve done because I can actually see all the work I did to self actualize. You’re
C
gonna see everything you did up until, yeah, since your birthday. And then you can see your path beyond your birthday.
K
Yeah, and so I’m not really conceited. I’m just proud of myself. Yeah, I’m feeling like super proud. And that’s the Post New Year on a personal level for me. And I find that it aligns well with the Japanese post new year and it aligns to the idealized version of the American New Year, right? Because I have a commitment to myself to make changes. But I don’t do what I think of are superfluous things. Like I don’t focus on weight. I don’t focus on smoking. I don’t focus on like, what Pulp Fiction, self help is or the popular self improvement. I look at, like, what are my core values? And what do I value not caring what anybody else thinks?
C
Yeah, I find that you tend to start from what do I want? And then go to how do I get it? Rather than Who should I turn into to have everything that I want? I’m already that person. How can I manifest my dreams? Yeah. And I don’t use the word dreams. I
K
don’t have any dreams. I have goals, right? And so that’s why I, I now like, I love like, if you haven’t watched the DJ Khaled hot ones episode, you have to watch it because it is the most gangster the most self assured hat ones ever. It’s legendary DJ Khaled taps out after two wings. So hot ones, is the show where people eat hot wings that get hotter and hotter. As they go on while they’re being interviewed. And DJ Khaled told him straight up, if the rule is that all these have to be eaten, you’re gonna eat them. And I was like, yes, thank you. I’m not eating them. I’m not gonna play myself. Like, I know my limits. This is as hot as I can take. I’m not embarrassed that I can’t eat any hotter ones. I’m not here to meet your expectations of me. Yeah, I’m not gonna look a fool on TV with, you know, crying and doing all of that. I’m not gonna do any of that. And so I have that, like, I’m not here to impress you. I’m here to be me and fulfill myself.
C
And I think when you and I have done career coaching together when you’ve helped me with that, that’s been the thing that you’ve pushed me to do is like unshackle yourself from meeting other people’s expectations. Yeah, what is it you want?
K
So what’s your post holiday? Deep culture? Post New Year’s thoughts and traditions?
C
i It feels like, it’s time to grow. Like, I I started thinking about how many are you
K
gonna accumulate mass? Like, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Yeah, I
C
might accumulate mass. No, I’ve been. I’ve had to save even
K
what is Always Sunny in Philadelphia, the character Matt carrying around a bag of burritos. Because he was gonna accumulate mass and then workout and become really buffed. Yeah. I’ve had the same really funny season.
C
I’ve had the same mass for the last 10 years. I feel like this is the mass that I have. Yeah. But it feels like, Okay, what am I going to do in the new year to learn? Where do I want to move to intellectually, socially, emotionally. And it’s not a resolution, it’s just an assessment of what’s the plan, because the end of the year feels like wrapping things up. So usually, when I get certifications, they happen in November, so and it’s very much tied to the season. Because I feel like I like to be done with things before the vacation, and then come back fresh and look at what’s next to do.
K
So what do you all do? And I’m always interested in what people do for the new year, like what the New Year means to them, because I have such a strict meaning of it. And strict idea of what it is and what it’s supposed to be. And, and those types of things. And it’s sort of like, I believe it’s a mix of celebrating myself and moving towards the next celebration. And so February is always a really happy month for me, even though March is taxes, because I prepare all of our tax stuff in January, and that bogs me down. But it’s also a really good way to see like, did you come out on top last year financially, yes or not? Because you have to look at all of the money that you spent. So on one hand is it can be sticker shock, it can be like, Oh my gosh. And other times it could be like, Okay, I was on point. And this year, everything came into budget, everything worked out really well. Even with the closing the temporary closing of adjustment guidance. I’m really excited to be relaunching that and I’m really excited about where we are. And excuse me, I’m just happy.
C
That’s a great place to be.
K
Yeah. So I hope all of you are feeling happy. All of our music, beautiful music notes. We completely appreciate every each and every single listener, because it’s so awesome to be in the top 10 every week on player FM for podcasts about Japan, and that wouldn’t happen without you guys. So thank you so much for listening. And if you haven’t become a patron yet, think about it for three bucks, you get several years worth of stuff. So if you did three bucks, you can just completely binge listen to a whole bunch of take teas and there’s stuff to read and look at all the different incarnations of take to it. If you’re already and you can get Chad books for free, if you’re already a Patreon for me, thank you for following us on over to the take tea and I know we’re talking about this week. We’re talking about recovering from mistakes at the E zine because I’ve made a few. On that note, thanks for listening and we’ll talk to you next week. Bye bye
K
So lately, I’ve been thinking about things that surprised me about Japan and the United States. And I think most of them are like old traditions and either country, but just like, with the advancements of technology and everything, the world has changed a lot in the last 15 years.
C
So they’re not things like whoa, people speak Japanese in Japan.
K
Now, he talked about that before in the podcast, the first time I came to Japan, I was surprised by the homogeneity, I was surprised by like, there’s so many Japanese people in Japan, like it’s primarily Japanese people.
C
I think it’s like 98.5%, you know, ethnic Japanese.
K
But yeah, and so that doesn’t surprise me anymore. But coming from the United States, were in California, it was like he could see the entire globe basically, in the course of a day. And then coming to Japan, like that used to be surprising. It’s not surprising. Now,
C
when I was in school, I noticed that too, there were 300 people in graduate school that I went to, and add them to were foreign.
K
Yeah. And they make you take your picture together. Yeah. They’re like, here’s our definers. Take a picture together, because your foreign
C
and I noticed that a lot at academic conferences, too. I got used to going to math conferences here in Japan. And it would be like, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, men, maybe one woman and higher foreign proportion than at McGill University, but still mostly Japanese people, or Japanese and Korean if we were having a joint conference, and then I went to the AMS conference in the US. It was like 40% women there is like, Yeah, I had forgotten just how unbalanced academia is here in Japan. So that surprised me to see the contrast because I just kind of gradually gotten used to it, because there’s not a lot of split that I see among foreigners. Yeah. In terms of gender split.
K
What do you mean, there’s not a lot of I think there. Are you saying like, there’s as many foreign women in Japan, as there are foreign men? Yeah,
C
I think roughly. Okay.
K
I think so too. I think so too. I would agree with that. For me, that’s not something that’s shocking. I look at me bringing it back around.
C
Well, I was mentioning
K
something that I find surprising our generational differences. And something that I find surprising is that the generational difference expresses itself differently in the United States than it does in Japan. And for me, because I was so I’m of the age that when I was in high school, they were still using pay phones and pagers were like, the new and exciting thing like pagers were the latest iPhone. And
C
I was five years behind you in school. And that was still the case when I was in school.
K
Yeah. And then, and easing, you weren’t old enough for this. By the time you were in high school, you could use a public phone for 25 cents for a quarter. And when I was in school, one of the hot songs was here’s my number and a dime. Call me any time because you could use a payphone with 10 cents a phone, local phone call was a dime, 10 cents. Okay, the equivalent of roughly 10 yen. So, when I moved to Japan, we moved to Japan, public phones were still a big deal. So much so that there’s a whole chapter in the Japanese background starting Japanese where it talks about how to use a payphone in Japan. And then you can still see them around. We can
C
see one from our window. Yeah. And I’ve used that before. I forget why. But I needed to use that I think our phone went out. And I need to call the phone company and find out where our phone went out. Yeah. And it was like $9 or something. Wow. Oh, no, that’s why I was calling international because we hadn’t set up international calling yet. Okay. And it was like $9 to make the connection than $1 a minute.
K
So that is like a huge difference having to set up international calling. Yes. Versus now on cellphones. You can just call internationally. Yes. You don’t have to do anything special to set it up. It’s still as expensive. So we don’t recommend that you do it. I think for me a big change is having international Skype. Yes. And what I find strange about that, in particular, is that the US has really I feel like the US has really embraced zoom. And I think the prior to everything all the madness of 20 20 and 2021 that people weren’t really into Skype or zoom. I feel like people are more into Skype. I feel like zoom hotton. Really? Yeah, come up yet. So now I’m surprised at how many because WhatsApp was, yeah was the thing that everybody wanted to connect with me on. I don’t have a cell phone, so I can’t connect by whatsapp.
C
But I put it on my phone, which had like, seven gigabytes of free memory. And a day later my phone was like I’m full. Yeah, what bag? I had to delete it.
K
Yeah, so everyone in my family uses WhatsApp. Yeah. And we’re in Japan. So we use line. Yes. And I’m surprised to see the inroads that line is making in the United States. That’s really surprising to me. Because it’s sort of like Skype and zoom, where like Skype had decades to like, catch up to zoom. And then zoom just blew them out of the water. And I think the difference between a Skype call and a zoom call, I really do think it’s the putting a highlight around the box of somebody who’s talking.
C
Yeah, it could be little things like that. It can be institutional adoption, because Skype is free for consumers. But since Microsoft bought it, it’s like $20 a month per person to use Skype at work.
K
Yeah. And when people would try and use business, Skype with me. I told them, I’m not on your network. I can’t use it.
C
Yeah, it was for a while. I remember it being a huge pain for me, for you for like everybody who didn’t have business Skype. Yeah. And I think that made zoom more popular. Even though zoom bombing is a problem that doesn’t happen in any of the other systems. Let’s zoom bombing, Zoom bombing is where you’re having a meeting and just a random person comes in. And usually they start like shouting profanities and spamming people in such.
K
Okay. Glad that never happened to me. Yes. That’s weird. No, I think a lot of things that surprised me are technology based. And the way that technology is used, I think is like, completely different. Culturally. And when I look, when I look at it, it’s culturally different for our generation. But culturally about the same for rosters generation Yeah,
C
the young people here in Japan are like, Why do we still use fax machines?
K
Yeah. So the fax is going by the wayside. In Japan? I think eventually.
C
Yeah. But part of the reason that it’s not is because if you want to do paperless business, there are legal requirements. Yes, sir. That are super tough to meet. Like you have to have everything timestamp, which means like every email that you send, if you want it to be legal, cost you a quarter. Yeah. And so it’s incredibly expensive to go no paper right now. Even though the Japanese government is like, be responsible. Their idea of responsibility is printing everything out.
K
So something else that surprises me about Japan, or the American companies that flop or succeed. And the American companies that don’t even try? I am wanting like Jack in the Box, get it together. I know you’re like a California thing. I don’t even think you’re like nationwide. But come to Japan, the Japanese with I think the Japanese would love Jack in the Box. I think they would like go on YouTube and watch. Japanese McDonald’s versus American McDonald’s. And I’m telling you, Jack in the Box, go on YouTube. Like whoever makes the decision. You’re
C
saying like bring the teriyaki Jack.
K
Right, bring it here. Japan would eat it, eat it up. Make those bad cheap April’s Japan would eat it up those chicken fingers. love everything about it. They would love especially those curly fries. Come on. Now. You have no competition for curly fries. Not real curly fries.
C
Well, we have one restaurant here that does only French fries. There’s
K
several chains that do only French fries. Yeah. It’s like one major chain that’s like probably as big as McDonald’s
C
on the food delivery service that we use. There’s one that the only thing they do is french fries, french fries
K
and shake. So this is something I find weird about Japan is Japan’s love of shake. Yeah, that’s so weird to me. I don’t get it. So shake is a powder that you put in your food and shake it and then it’s that flavor. Right? And I don’t know why that is so strange to me. Because for years in the United States whenever I would get McDonald’s I will put McDonald’s salt on the fries and it has to be McDonald’s salt, which is not the same salt in Japan they change the rest it’s not as sweet in Japan the sugar but and I would shake it but I just can’t get with the shake. Have you ever done it?
C
Absolutely.
K
Do you like shake? Yeah, I do. What’s your favorite flavor, because like, what are the shake flavors?
C
But it depends on where you’re going. So I don’t know what they are at McDonald’s right now, because they don’t really do that for McDonald’s. And I haven’t, it’s been a while.
K
Well, and like they do shake chicken, not just at McDonald’s, right? There’s a whole restaurant chain that does specialize and just shake chicken. And the French Fireplace specializes in just shake fries. Yes, it’s their shake makes that makes them so popular, fast food restaurant and they just do fries shake. Right,
C
great. COVID I used to go to the convenience store nearly every day and get breakfast or lunch, which you’re aware of. And they had shake chicken at Family Mart family Chicky had the shake powder. I’m there. I like the chili powder. You know, I’m always a fan of anything spicy. Yeah, but they also had like salad powder. Yeah, that’s they seem to be like, basil and oregano and salt. Uh huh. Because that salad flavor.
K
Yes, that is salad flavor in Japan. And if you get salad chips, it will taste dead on like basil, and parsley and salt. Yeah. Is it based on parsley? Right?
C
I think it’s basil and oregano and salt. Yeah, I got a healthy dose of parsley just for bulk.
K
And I found that out because I like the plain one of those round wafers. I eat I can’t. I’m having brain fog to me. Yeah, I love Sam Bay. And Sam Bay is around cracker like just melts in your mouth. It’s such a it’s so good. It’s really not No, I love survey. But one time I accidentally bought solid flavors. Sunbae. And it was it tasted green. Yeah, it just it tasted like a solid. And it was not good for me. I didn’t enjoy it. But I love like regular flavors. So me. So good. So so good. So I don’t get the culture of shake. And that it surprises me that I don’t know, in the US if shakers is popular or not. But it’s weird to me that it’s not like the things that are popular. Like read, like what’s popular in Japan versus what’s popular in the United States? is strange to me. Yeah. And I don’t understand. So I understand that your palate develops locally based on on actually, like, family wise, I think that when you’re young, your base palate is created by what you’re exposed to at home. But I see in our son that your palette completely evolves. And this is something you didn’t trust moments talked about before, is that Ross is a totally picky, totally picky eater as a kid, but now it’s a wide array of foods. And it’s all very Japanese taste base. He doesn’t enjoy American style food anymore. Except for the corndog. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Corn dogs are global. And that surprises me.
C
Well, and here they’re called American dogs. Yes, please.
K
So I know corn guys are hella good. But why are corn dogs popular here? I don’t understand what makes a food. That’s something that shocks me. Like, I could not predict what will be popular except for Jack in the Box. I’m 100% certain about that. Nagoya first.
C
I’m not sure. Because every once in a while I’ll go and I’ll order corndogs for you or for me or for both of us. And it’s seven lemon. They’re just called corn. They’re just called American dogs. Yeah, but a family mark. They’re called big American dogs. I feel like
K
my mind’s are bigger, though. Yeah, they are. They have way more corn on them.
C
And I feel like every time I buy one, they look at me and they think yep, living up to its name.
K
So I was surprised that TGI Fridays is here in Japan is nothing like the TGI Fridays in the United
C
States and Denny’s where the name has been franchised and licensed, but it’s not the same. So Denny’s does not really serve breakfast food here.
K
No, it does not if you go at three, because, and I think it’s because Japan has so many. Sorry, so many specialty breakfast food, right? The Japanese pancake is a thing. Yes. Small and as crispier and I’m not into them, but I’m not really into American pancakes either. But there’s small and crispier. And they have a specific they’re almost uniform in the rise.
C
Yeah. Well, now there’s some places that are different, like Kameda coffee, which is popular here in Nagoya has bigger hotcakes. Yeah, um, they’re way better than Denny’s pancakes everywhere. So I think if Danny’s went up against them head to head. Like they’ve missed out. Yeah. But when when we first arrived, they had more more toward the American side on foods. More pancakes and things
K
had taken in a little intermission. But we’re back. So we were talking about pancakes but an intermission something popped into my head that I find really shocking. His I find Westerners obsession with Japanese toilets to be odd. Like I don’t get why every day is so shocking because like a good third of the world has been a toilets. And so when they’re like, oh, Japanese toilets have so many buttons and such and I know we talked about it before. But I now that I’m used to it as the standard, like if I walk into the bathroom, I’m like, and I don’t use the BA. But I’ll be like, nobody. Like, are we not civilized? What is going on here? As I really like this seat warmer in the winter, so there’s a seat one, I wish there was a seat chiller, that would be nice to sit on. So Chad doesn’t like this. I would love to sit on an ice cold toilet seat in the summer.
C
I would just love it if there was something that could be like be chill with very low electrical power and small enough that you could like wear it during the summer. Because we looked at chilling suits because it gets so hot and I respond so poorly to heat. And chilling suits are like expensive and take a lot of power and like expensive to run and and heavy, heavy, bulky, like you are making a commitment to keep it on because otherwise you’ll overheat.
K
Yes. So for me, I like when people say what’s the most surprising thing about Japan? Everyone always says the toilets. And I feel like if you’re going to talk about a surprising Japan toilet don’t talk about the high tech ones. Talk about the juxtaposition of the bidet toilet, which is like the Rolls Royce Lexus of toilets, where you can heat you can have different BDA settings to hit different parts of your body. You can have changed the strength of the water, the timing of the water like you can
C
set up you can tell it to run your bath.
K
Yeah, you can pimp your toilet seat and you can pimp your bathtub. Yeah, cuz we’re,
C
we have a button in our kitchen that we can push and run a bath for us.
K
Yeah, that talk about that. And then the other side of it. Where it’s a squat toilet. Yeah. And it’s literally just a porcelain lined ditch that you squat over to do your business in the men’s and the women’s. Yes. So there are places that have only squat toilets. And even like the really nice high end places will have one squat toilet. And for me, it gets trippier there’ll be signs in the bathroom instructing. Not to squat. On the regular toilet. Yeah,
C
don’t put your feet on the rims of the regular toilet. Yes.
K
Because there are elderly people in Japan that have that come from the countryside that have never seen a western toilet. They’ve only ever used squat toilets. Yeah. And I met someone that had only ever used a squat toilet and they were like, it’s really disgusting. The other toilets are just disgusting to them. Like why would you want to sit where someone else’s like they made like a really good argument for it. Why would you want to sit with someone else set? And what if and the splash from like, because the BA can sometimes cause flashing? There’s like a whole thing. I’m not gonna get into it. Thank you. Yeah. Chatter like we get into I was so good into it. If my chat wasn’t so like, yell.
C
I like to be funny, and I don’t really have any toilet humor.
K
You don’t you really don’t. That’s another thing that’s surprising is the difference in what’s humorous. Yeah, I’m funny in Japanese. Oh, my gosh, that was just so desperate. And please take my site on the funny issues. You
C
see how I’m looking at you in a pleading manner. That’s what makes the desperate of the audience I’m funny in Japanese. Now in Japan, like rhyming isn’t considered clever.
K
It’s not considered clever in the United States either.
C
But it’s not even considered wordplay because everything rhymes.
K
Yeah, it does. So like even in the children’s books, there’s no rhyming, right? But there’s no rhyming poetry. Yeah. Everything ends in Deus. Or call.
C
Everything ends in either one of the five vowels. Yeah. Or, or the sound? Yeah. Yeah. So that’s why, like, there’s so many Japanese homophones. Yeah. Which we talked about before. But what surprised me is about the sense of humor is just the utter lack of understanding of sarcasm.
K
Yeah, that’s interesting to me. There is no sarcasm intervene, like people just generally aren’t sarcastic.
C
Yeah, which animated enemy Light to me. I feel like anime had people occasionally being sarcastic. And I think was that a good translation?
K
Yes, I don’t think that I wish that anime lovers who are going to say that anime is Japanese culture, I feel like they don’t understand the distance between the original anime and the translation of the anime. And that’s surprising to me. The fact that people do not understand that Japanese does not translate verbatim, just really shocking to me. And that surprises me about America, because I think at least the Americans I know, know that America is unique. And America has there is like, I don’t like when people say America doesn’t have any culture. I feel like, that’s just not right. And they’re completely wrong. And there are regional differences. It’s like there are regional differences in every country. Yeah. So for me, I understand that America is unique. And I love a lot about American culture. I love our openness to try new things, our adventurous nature, and all of those types of things. And it’s surprising to me that Americans don’t, a lot of America’s not every American, don’t give that to other countries. And don’t give that to other languages. And they presume that like every, every language is based on Latin, right? And Japanese is not a Latin based language. And so it doesn’t have that, that correlation. So you can’t do any direct translations, I feel but even when you do, like the Latin based languages, like Spanish does not translate one for one. And it really, like, cover on that word has several meanings, based on where you’re saying it, who you’re saying it to. And even like the way I just pronounced it as a regional pronunciation of it,
C
even within English itself. I was talking to somebody and I said, I was quite happy. And they were like, oh, what’s wrong? Yeah, what do you mean? I’m quite happy? Like, right? You’re not happy? Why aren’t you happy? Cuz you put the quite there, right. And in the UK, that means the opposite of what it means in the US. Yeah. So I do feel like there’s a lot of variation in language that can be surprising. An anime is an intentional export from Japan. It is it’s like an intentional cultural export, they sit down and they say, how can we make other countries buy anime? Yeah, as something that we export just like the wagyu or the Kobe beef? Yeah, our intention exports, people eat them here in Japan. But far more of it is exported, then is eaten here in Japan.
K
Yep, about Japanese culture. It really fucks me up. They want to be appropriated. Yeah. And so it messes me up when I see it. And I have to remind myself, this is an intention of the Japanese people and the Japanese nation. So the Japanese do a lot of cultural appropriations. Like the lowrider culture in Japan is really hard for me to not be offended by it. It’s so hard for me. But they have like they if they’re doing the cultural appropriation, they view it as appreciation, but the way that they do it as a costume, it’s appropriation, and the Japanese just do not understand that at all. And it blows my mind. And then,
C
yeah, it’s like, is it a secret? No, it’s not a secret, then how could we steal it?
K
Yeah, there you go. And if you if you’re not aware of like the Chicano cultural appropriation in Japan, you should watch videos on it is a Tourette. It is a trip because they get the Cholo vibe down. And they have like cruising parties and everything. And so I grew up being a Chola. And so for me, and I was like, Y’all know, if you listen to the podcast, y’all know, I used to be in a gang, I have my local dot and all of that my local dot tattoos still and all of that. So for me, it’s a trip, seeing them appropriate a culture that I was intimately involved in and a part of, even though I’m black, like they accepted me and such. And I was like, Okay, I know this culture, and I know what these things mean. And they even appropriated like the different gangs and such. And then they threw the mix in a little bit of like, because the only gangs they know are the Crips and Bloods, they don’t know any of the Latin Kings. So they mix the overlay, like Crips and Bloods over Chicano gang culture. And then there’s so for me, that is where it gets bumpy, like, Chicano culture is not gang based, right? And it’s specific for me Chicano culture that I grew up knowing is so different than the Chicano culture that I see them representing. And I have an appreciation of where Chicano gangs end and start, and Chicano culture ends and starts. And there is some overlap, just like where black culture ends and starts and where black gang culture ends and starts. Those aren’t the same things. But the Japanese don’t make that distinction. And they don’t see anything wrong with it. And even if you explain it to them, they can tell you exactly what scene and what movie that they’re doing, like poetic justice, for some of them is just the Janet Jackson movie. Yes, it’s just the rhyme. And they have their box braid wigs. And they have like, they can quote, the movie and everything. And so they take movies, and they take Pope popular culture, and they just embrace that, yeah, and lean into it. And they don’t speak anything but Japanese, except for these phrases that they’ve taken from movies. And so they have Spanish Phrases that they’ve taken in, they have phrases from black culture that they’ve taken. And it’s, it’s a trip to see the mashup is a trick. I’m like, okay, that’s not Chicano culture.
C
And I feel like it’s very much age based, like poetic justice was what Janet Jackson and Tupac. Right. And I think that’s a particular age band of people who write.
K
So super dated, it is like 90s, it’s very much 90s culture.
C
Yeah, and I think people in their 80s here, which there’s a large number of people in their 80s, that 10 years ago, it was their 70s. I was sitting at the train station waiting. And this drunk Japanese guy comes up and start selling me. Like how much he hates Americans. How awful we were for dropping the bomb and everything, like, sitting down just like yelling this at me, like I’m his pal. And we should go out to drink. And I’m like, No, I’m just gonna get on my train as soon as it arrives. Yeah. But I found that, above about 80 now has a lot of culture about the war, even though they were born at the end of World War Two.
K
Yeah, but there’s still repercussions. There’s still stand there still be the land where is still affected. And all of that,
C
I think every, every generation, like every decade, and in Japan, they they do call them by decades, like the 50s. And 40s, like, by age has its own distinct kind of subculture. Yeah. And the youngest subculture is very international. A lot of them do not speak English, but they know how to use Google Translate well enough to participate in English stuff online. And they eventually learned English that way. Guys, my age and their 40s are very much like, you work for a non Japanese company. But you need to work for a company. Right? I do work for a company. Yeah, no, don’t really work for a company. I’m like I do.
K
I find what I struggle with, I find it interesting how much the United States is evolving in terms of their identity politics, and I find that identity politics has a dirty name. That’s like a dirty word to say it’s identity politics, and I feel like but identity is inherently political, right? But my view is like when any two people are in a room. That’s political. Right? There are politics and policy that’s in place. And so when people I guess, identity, acceptance, identity, diversity, whatever people want to call it, I find it really interesting that the United States is simultaneously leading the world and demanding identity, equality, and also being the worst at it. Yeah, it said that juxtaposition is so weird to me, because everybody is so vocal, and so able to express all of their thoughts all of the time about anything, and it’s so culturally accepted. And people are so quick to say, I’m being silenced. I’m being canceled and all of that, but they still go on. And they still like, you know,
C
they’re being listened to by 10 million people. Yeah, I complain about being canceled.
K
Right. So that’s interesting to me and cancel culture in Japan. Like if you get cancelled in Japan, you are seriously canceled. Like everybody in the United States was really shocked when the member of aka before he had to shave her head and penance. But that’s the price that she pays for fame. But if you look at
C
lions specifically to stay in the idols group, yeah, because a lot of the idols girls go to grab your or like soft porn after? Yes. And that’s considered and totally acceptable career path. And there are, you know, people in Parliament who have that background. Yeah, just like in Italy, there were like a porn star was elected to Parliament in Italy.
K
Like, Nina.
C
Yeah, it’s not unusual here.
K
She had great policy. Yeah. And the way in Italy and I don’t know the politics of the ones here in Japan,
C
I don’t know. But I know that it’s not unusual because, like it’s legal to work in that industry. And so people are like, if it’s legal, why would we care? Yeah. Whereas if you’re working in a in a bad industry, it can be really hard to get out of it.
K
Yeah. And I find it interesting that when, and this happens a lot on Twitter, people will tell me you shouldn’t tweet that. Like, it’ll affect your ability to get a job. Right? No, it won’t, it would affect and these are usually academics. So academia is really hard to get into in Japan, it’s like it is everywhere. And I find it shocking that people in academia think that their their rules apply to everyone. I think that’s weird. I think in it’s weird that in the United States, people wouldn’t try to censor me as much. And I think that the United States is more sensitive. This isn’t shocking to me. But in terms of talking about the United States, the fundamental right to say whatever you want to say, anytime someone says you can’t say it, Americans become very upset. And I’m very American. And that way, I don’t like being told what I can and cannot say, I can appreciate you saying I’m going to not follow you. And I’m not going to communicate with you because I don’t like what you’re saying, right. But I don’t like to be censored at all. But here in Japan, we’ve talked about before the censorship is real. And people will tell me you share too much. You’re on team too much. And I feel like like, because I tweet very openly about my health, I tweeted, I’m in the hospital, and they’re like, No, being chronically ill needs to be a secret or you’ll never be hired. And that’s not true. That’s things that they’ve been taught about Japan, that’s not true. And how much people don’t know their rights in both countries is surprising to me. Like in the United States, a lot of people don’t actually know what their legal rights are, what’s illegal and what’s legal. Across the board. And in Japan, it’s the same thing. A lot of people don’t know what’s legal, and what’s not legal. And that’s always shocked me. I’m always quick to find out like, what what does the law say? I think
C
it’s enforceable and what’s not enforceable. Yeah. Like, technically, here in Japan, it’s illegal to discriminate based on nationality.
K
But still, like, no foreigners allowed. Yeah.
C
And then practice, if you go to a real estate company, and they’ve got 400 listings, as soon as they see you, like, 300 of those listings are gone. They’re like, yeah, no, we can’t rent these to foreigners
K
in the process of moving roster, you’re banned from talking about anything until afterwards? Because we’re gonna do a whole episode. Okay. You know that. I know, that’s not what you’ve been thinking about lately. So for real, y’all know, I’m always telling Chad, don’t talk about that. That’s coming up. So how we do the podcast, I’ve told y’all before I make a list, and every time before we start recording, I tell Chad, what the topics gonna be. We don’t do any research or planning. And so Chad sometimes wants to pop off and just talk about whatever’s on Chad mine. Sometimes. Yeah. And that’s the whole roles
C
for What surprises me is how different the rules are based on your status in life.
K
Yes. And on this podcast, that is, it’s whatever Christopher’s been thinking about lately.
C
No, I get that. But a lot of the stuff that you say that you’re like it won’t or my ability to get work to say you’re absolutely correct.
K
No, you’re not bringing us back round. So I want to talk about this now, cuz I’m thinking about it. So I’m on a podcast,
C
okay. I’m the boss, the podcast boss, the podcast, the reason
K
and so don’t feel sorry for Chad. Don’t do it. I know a lot of you. Or any of our music knows, it’s because I have to think of the topics. And I have to set the time to record. Yeah. And so because I have to do those two things. I’m in charge of the podcast. That’s right. I just show up with the voice. You do you show up with all that beautiful sexiness. And that beautiful voice of yours, which you know, I absolutely love the sound of and the music notes know that I used to like call up your phone just to listen to you. And then he told me, Don’t call him hang up, leave a message and say, I’m just listening to your voice and hang up. Yes.
C
And then I could call and listen to my messages over and over.
K
We love each other. We enjoy each other. Now I wonder in the United States. And this is something I don’t know, would be because I see people telling other people to not clap back and worry about their public image. But that’s only for public figures. I wonder if, because a lot of our friends have fake names that they use on Twitter, because they don’t want their company to find out. And I don’t know if that’s paranoia or fact.
C
That’s fact. So yeah, yeah, I know too many people who have worked in the, like, reference checking,
K
do you think for disability? Yes. Okay, that’s shocking. I didn’t know anything about that, tell me about it.
C
Companies will look to see if there’s anything negative, and being disabled is definitely considered a negative. And if they can deny you employment, before they have to do accommodation, then they will, if they can do it, in a way that’s deniable because you can’t prove they went on your social media and denied you because you’re disabled.
K
So I know that companies globally around the world, check social media, and I do advise clients to have clean social media. And I guess I’m very lucky, because at the end of the day, I’m always my own employer. Yeah, that’s right. And so I, for me, a lot of my ignorance will come from. So I guess I would, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. Because I think about what do I do? What do I say to my clients,
C
and this is exactly what I was saying about, it’s your position in life, you and I are in positions in life where we can be open about who we are, are our real names,
K
that you’re, you work for a company?
C
I do. And one of the things that on Twitter, in particular, as I chose to be open about being disabled, because I didn’t want to work for a company that would be shocked by it. In the interview, I said it in the interview, I was like, Look, I have autism and epilepsy and arthritis, I’m like, not gonna be able to do these things. And they’re like, We don’t care. We’ve seen what you can do, you’re really good. We don’t care about that. Yeah, I think companies get the idea that it’s always going to be super expensive to accommodate any disability. And that’s not the case, like my company accommodates mine. And what it is, is, sometimes I’m going to tell you that I can’t wait for the rest of the
C
hour in the middle of the day, take a nap. It doesn’t really cost the company any money. It’s occasionally slightly inconvenient. But the attitude is, I’m a person just like everybody else.
K
interesting about that is because of my own employer, I have to look at what do I advise my clients versus what do I say, right? Because I, I’ve switched over my business, my therapy practice to accommodate me, and I’m currently in the process of switching over. But I’m just doing I’ve always done coaching, and professional coaching. So if I look at what I tell my therapy clients and my coaching clients, and the difference between career coaching and during therapy is just the focus, one’s work focused one’s personal focus. There’s a lot of overlap. Executive Coaching is really different than they’re all slightly different and slightly the same.
C
Well, having had it not from you, I’ll say that was just like more of a sounding board than anything else. And I think you do,
K
you’ve had it from me, and you’ve had it in the style. I do it and it’s not a sounding board when
C
I do it. No, but your secret sauce is better.
K
Thank you. My secret sauce is me. Yes. And real talk. And I’m well read. And I’m an expert. So all of those things, all that. So my point in bringing that up is I think we’re super privileged. Yes. And I think we’re a little bit out of touch. Absolutely. Because that shocks me right now. My privilege. I’m shot in
C
- I didn’t say I was disabled, publicly, because it was still legal to fire people for being disabled. Like I was a regular employee, it was basically impossible for me, unless you’re disabled unless I’m disabled. And then it was like, no problem.
K
Yeah, we talked about that. Yeah, Fly on, on the cast. So something that’s currently surprising me in the United States is Hollywood, cuz I watch a lot of TV. Because Hello, I’m in the hospital lot. So I binge watch a lot of things. And I’m surprised at the gap. There’s a year gap in TV show seasons. Yeah. And there’s a year gap and things that were launched, things were pushed back, because Hollywood actually shut down during during all the wildness that was 2019
C
when there’s still shutdowns going on. I thought thing that Picard has shut down filming because 50 of the people who work on the show had COVID and they were like, Don’t worry, Patrick Stewart doesn’t have COVID PP ons.
K
Well, I think to that that has to do with like masking and I think because the extras don’t mask now There’s that but we don’t talk about masking because this is not we’re not doing anything heavy. Something I find shocking is how people view puzzling. Yes, we did jigsaw puzzles.
C
And how do you think people here view it? Because we we sometimes order online and sometimes go to the dedicated jigsaw puzzle shop that is a couple blocks away?
K
Yeah. So people is flossy. Yeah, it’s hella floss outta puzzle. And I’m like, It’s not that expensive. It’s like if we go to the dedicated puzzle shop is super expensive. Yeah. And so we only go there if there’s like a specific puzzle I want to do that we can’t find. And we’ll go to check it out. Or if we’re on a date, and we’ll buy like one puzzle from them, because they’re, they’re really expensive. Yeah. But it’s a really nice, they’re located in azmol and Nagaya. If you live in Nagoya, and you haven’t been to asthma, you have to go. It’s near ozonic station, check it out. It’s worth it’s a really cute date, date place to go. And you can if you go early, you can get a fruit sandwich. And it’s shocking that free sandwiches aren’t more popular in the United States, because you cannot beat a banana sandwich.
C
And you can get that at specialty restaurants here at convenience stores at the grocery store.
K
Yeah, so I like my fruit. This is really blasphemous. But I like my fruit sandwiches plain. I like bread and fruit. And so good. So we can sometimes we get up early and we go over to our small site and get a free sandwich even like making my like going to the place and then we’ll go pick out a puzzle. But anyone I tell in Japan that we puzzle, like, oh my gosh, your house must be huge. No. And they’re like, you must know they’re like, No, you can’t for me. Because if you can dedicate a table to a puzzle 2000 piece puzzle because like, like, what size? And then like we get 1000 pieces that I oh my god. Your house must be huge. And I’m like we do on our kitchen table. How big is your kitchen table? Big enough for 1000 piece puzzle and to still hold our mail? Yeah, probably. And so that was measurements.
C
Yeah. May be big enough for 2000 but definitely not big enough for anything.
K
I can’t commit to 2000 pieces. I feel like you’re trying to up our puzzle now. No, I’m
C
not trying to for a while you were for a while that was
K
like we could clear off a space and do them on the floor. Yeah. I’m like, How does that sound appealing to you?
C
I’m like, Babe, we’ve saved up enough we can afford this 32,000 piece puzzles the biggest number you’re like, No, no, we can’t No, never
K
be trippin. Wildling No, not gonna happen. When I tell people in the US that we post like, Oh, that’s cute. What kind of puzzles do you do? Yeah, it’s like nothing. And I’m like, we do Tenyo and still just flatline. But if I tell people in Japan, we do Tenyo Tenyo you know, tenure? And like, No, I don’t. I love that phrase. And gafisa, you know, cuz, you know, is the same as you know about Yeah, you know, tenure. And I’m like, Yeah, we love tenure. They make some of the best puzzles. They should totally sponsor us. If you work for tenure. Let us know. And we will hook you up on the sponsor, because we love, love. Love your pill. I love your puzzles. Yes, we do. They’re plastic. And they’re awesome. They snap together tight. And I love that they can be recycled, they can go in recyclable. Yeah. And that’s really important to me, recycling our puzzles, some of them we have framed, because they’re really actually beautiful pieces of art. And I find it interesting that in Japan, it’s shocking to me that in Japan, they understand that it’s a fine piece of art. So I thought everybody would have the bias that it’s not, but they saw frames and glue. And you can get this in the United States as well. Right. And I like the 10 year puzzles because you can actually pick them up, and they lock in a place and they
C
won’t fall apart. But you can get frames at the grocery store here. Yeah,
K
puzzle frames, because they know they do. You know, check out your puzzle, check out puzzles, jigsaw, puzzling, because the reason we started puzzling is to help me with my pots, because my blood pressure will just randomly shoot up to a hypertension crisis. And I usually have like, when it’s not flared up, I have normal blood pressure. So I don’t I’m not on any medication and none of the medications work and all contraindicated for me. But doing a puzzle lowers my blood pressure. Like if I’m in crisis. I go and I puzzle for a little bit my deal with this deal with the spinning and all of that, and it lowers my blood pressure gets me out of crisis.
C
And it’s quite astonishing to see it because we have a speak moment. ometer Yeah, you take it before and I’d be like whoa, you take it after that.
K
You’re surprised I was you accuse me of Same because if Chad touches me It elevates my blood pressure. So Chad doesn’t
C
good touches I’m not doing bad touches. Yeah, if Chad
K
does just put like just touches my shoulder, then my blood pressure will go up. And I’ve shown this chat. And so if I’m having blood pressure, if I’m in hypermiling hypertension crisis, I’ll just check it over and over again and chats like that. Those very pointed. I’m like, I’m not seeing you talking to me as raising my blood pressure. I feel like it’s stopping. I’m like, we’re puzzling. I’m in a hypertension crisis. I have to monitor it. Because you have to monitor every five minutes. So you take it and then do it again. So it’s shocking to me the child’s not used to that. Yeah. I’m not shocking them. So looking at thank you so much for listening. We appreciate every single click he hears. I don’t know why I do stuff right next to my mic, but I do. Be patient. That was
C
your reading glasses opening up.
K
Yeah. So I’m spacey today. But I do know I’m looking at butter. Take tears. Oh, my child doesn’t read our author’s books. Yeah, what’s up with that? Whatever doesn’t read our authors books.
C
We’ll talk about that.
K
Right? Follow us on over to the Patreon you can find out the answer. Because now we’re doing cliffhangers. Yes, we want you to become a patron. Thank you so much for listening. And you can hit us up on Twitter and tell us what surprised you or leave a comment about what surprised you about America or Japan. We love the interaction and we’ll talk to you next week. Bye bye.
K
So lately, I’ve been thinking about things that were super useful in the United States, but are completely useless and Japan. And this sort of came up because I’m getting ready to do a spring clean. And this time, I’m trying to get rid of things that we brought from the US that I just had no business bringing. And there’s no way that I could have known those before being in Japan shoes. Like, I would say two thirds of the shoes that I brought, I can’t wear.
C
I mean, I think to be fair, that a third of those were already impractical. But you have always disagreed about that.
K
And hey, so I love a stiletto heel. I do. I just love a stiletto heel. But I didn’t hold. I think we did a podcast. I want to say a couple years ago, right talked about like getting older and not wearing stilettos anymore. But even when I came to Japan, those stilettos were not, I couldn’t wear them anymore because one public transportation, that too, all of them have an ankle strap. Almost all of them have an ankle strap.
C
And a few days, I think like 10 days, it’ll be officially 17 years since you first came to Japan to live. Yeah. So you’re a little bit older.
K
Well, the thing that messes me up with bike because I have a lot of really cute touches. Yeah, but they all lace up. And I have not mastered the right tension for a lace up tennis shoe to be able to slip it on and off. And I was really surprised that like, I’m not surprised that by going into people’s homes, you have to take your shoes off. What I’m surprised about is the number of venues that require you to take your shoes off, like doctor’s office, dentist’s office, we’ve been in rooms and museums where you have to take your shoes off entire museums and art exhibits where you take your shoes off
C
when I was at university here. There were a couple of departments that required taking your shoes off. Math was not one of them. I got to wear my shoes in the math department. But there are a couple at the university I went to Nagoya University had I think like 11, specialists libraries. Yeah, some of the specialist libraries required removing your shoes to go into the library. And a couple of the labs did too.
K
Which is so just wild to me. It wouldn’t be wild if it was consistent, right. So I have to be prepared at any moment to take my shoes off. Because I don’t know and I so don’t find my Japanese friends. My Japanese sisters and brothers and siblings. Don’t fry is like y’all now so I’ll guess the call the middlings. Siblings cousins, brothers sisters, fam non binary. Yeah, my Japanese film. There you go. So my Japanese film Don’t fret. Y’all don’t know when you have to take your shoes off either.
C
We see people surprised by it yet,
K
because I have been. I have been hanging out my Japanese friends. And they like come in they go. Oh, sorry. Because they didn’t know. And I was like, it’s cool. I didn’t know either. And it was my idea to come. Yeah. So like I was there’s some restaurants that you have to take your shoes off.
C
And I just remembered that I was lying about the University of the math department. If I needed to use their computers, rather than my personal laptop, the computer lab you had to take your shoes off. And I thought other people be surprised by it, which is why it triggered this memory. It’s because I went there and I was surprised by it. And somebody else who’s a new student, Japanese came in. I went oh, before they started, um, lacing. They’re very much lace up shoes and put them in the shoe cabinet.
K
Yeah, and I don’t like so I don’t like to do the unlace and lace up because I’m a foreigner. And so it becomes a huge deal. And in some places if I’m the customer, they will want to shoe me and put my shoes on. Right if my shoes or slip on. They don’t mess with me because I feel like I know what time it is. You might
C
even know how to use chopsticks. Right?
K
I don’t feel comfortable with anybody dropping down and putting my shoes on me. Yeah, it’s Yeah, except for you. Yeah, like everybody knows you’ve been though that’s just the thing.
C
But it’s things to do tasks.
K
Your Get your mind out. Can’t your mind out of the gutter?
C
I’m looking at you so it’s hard. Wow. No,
K
are you saying I’m in the gutter? No, I’m
C
saying then looking at you.
K
You heard it first chance that I’m in the gutter
C
gives you thoughts that I shouldn’t share on the podcast.
K
I like being in the gutter with you. Yes, I live in the gutter and not roll around them up. Yeah,
C
yeah, but nobody ever tried to put my shoes on for me. They would have me. Yeah, they would have me a shoe horn.
K
So why don’t they try to put your shoes on?
C
I think they were taking advantage of pretty privilege. Yes.
K
I don’t think it was pretty privileged because it was, it would be women that would do it. I’ve had a couple men do it too. So when you go into so I went in I was the strangest instance of it was I was doing furniture shopping here in Japan, I went to a really upscale, high end furniture place because I was looking for a king size bed. And it’s more likely to find a larger bed, but more upscale, you go in Japan. This place also sold authentic Japanese. I can’t read the name of it now. Popular in the 80s the fake stuff. If you can’t touch it, lacquer. Yeah. Japanese lacquerware. Yeah, Japanese like lacquered cabinets. And we’ve talked about the cabinet’s before we’re like authentic Japanese lacquer, the heat from your hand, will change the color of the lacquer. So I was at the place and it was still early in my timeshare in Japan. But and
C
for context. It’s only been about 10 years that IKEA has been here. And when IKEA came, say furniture sales in Japan went up by 80%. Because most people never buy furniture in their lifetime. Furniture is was just hideously expensive here.
K
Yeah. And it’s really dropped, right? The furniture prices. So this was before IKEA was here. And there are very few furniture shops and very few bed shops. So go into this place because they might have what’s called a royal bed, which is a California king is called royal bed here. I don’t know. So I went there and I had lace up shoes because I was going furniture shopping. So I wouldn’t have take my shoes off, had to unlace my shoes and take them off, which is not a big deal. They tried to drop down and replace them. I was like, No, thank you. I’m Bonnie thing. I’m not committing. I felt like the stuff I’m committing to buying something. They feel like that too. That’s why they dropped down, right? And then they have like really my slippers. And I put the slippers on I go around everything and I’m not even tripping. And then again, they tried to put my shoes back on. So the context of being in a furniture store where you can’t touch the furniture. And they asked you to clasp your hands behind your back. That was really strange to me. Taking off my shoes in a furniture shop was really strange for me. Yeah. And that’s when I was like I’m done with lace up shoes. Yes, I’m done. And then I was done with ankle diatonic still rock acute ankle strap. And I was done with the cute ankle strap because I was wearing strap at the toe strap at the ankle six on stiletto and the first flight of steps. One flight of steps. I was like, Okay, let’s go home and you’re really chill about it. And you’re like those shoes are impassable bit like No, no, they’ll be fine. They’ll be fine. And you’re like no boobs. So it’s like, I don’t think I think that we should. And you’re like, I know you really want to wear the shoes at the event. So I’ll carry them for you. And then we got to the event. I was like, Okay, I will be so overdressed in the tills and I would tower over everybody. But at five foot seven as a woman as someone who’s female presenting, I just wish feel like I was towering over everyone, right? And so I was like, Okay, I’m gonna stay in flats here. Because I’m right within like the sweet spot for female presenting height. And for your age. I feel like yeah, for your
C
age group. Yeah, because I noticed the kids like there are a lot of older teenagers who are taller than me. And like girls who are near my height, I’m not quite 510. But anybody older, like if somebody is a little taller than 50 here, and Japanese, I’m going to be taller than them. Yeah, but if somebody is under 25 It’s a mix. It’s a mixed bag.
K
And so I need to out myself that I wear suede. I’m going to help myself to have suede shoes. So I’m sorry for anybody who hasn’t been paying attention, but I’m not vegan because I can’t be and I can’t be vegan because I have a rare blood disorder. And yeah, I’m super defensive about it.
C
That’s the same reason cats can’t be vegans not the same chemical, but you lack the ability to synthesize a necessary amino acid. The same cats do.
K
So I can’t be vegan. Right. And I think I’m defensive about it because I think that I would go vegan just because of where we’re at with climate change. I think like, everybody should do what they can. So I do go vegan a couple times a month, like what my body will tolerate. I try to go vegan at least once a week.
C
Well, you’re definitely not a meat at every meal kind of person.
K
No, like, cuz my body can’t do that either. Right? So it’s all like, the third thing is a thing is the thing. Follow us on Twitter, if you want to know more about. So I tweet a lot about my third thing. When I’m tweeting. I don’t know sometimes to most of our tweets on Twitter, Chad, because you’re more consistent on Twitter, I think
C
hard to say. I haven’t tweeted very much in the last couple of months, because I had a break. And then I got a promotion at work. So I’ve been busy.
K
Oh, yeah. There’s that having a life. Yeah. Beyond. So when I’m tweeting all the time, I’m still having a life. I’m just having a life that I have more discretionary time. Yeah, that’s when I’m not tweeting us because I don’t get to decide what I’m doing my time. Other people have laid claim to it kind of thing.
C
And usually when I’m tweeting, I’m waiting on somebody else.
K
Yeah. Yeah. A lot of hurry up and wait, I do sometimes. Yeah.
C
Or like, start automated things. Because a lot of my job is automating things and wait for them to see how they go. So a lot of wait time,
K
what’s automated and watch? Right? You have to watch and wait for it to break. Yes. Or catch things like up is doing something that’s gonna break. Yes. And I what I think it’s so odd at your job is that people are upset that you’re preemptively preventing something from breaking, because they want it to run until it breaks. And I get that your predecessor, I’m gonna say you won’t say it, I’ll say your predecessor sucked ass at the job. And so they kind of like all of your predecessors, built in this mentality of we should get as far down the road as we can. But if you’re good at your job, you realize that if stuff is completely broken down,
C
what and we’re using tools, I don’t want to get into like a big long work thing. But we’re using tools that allow for on the flight tuning of different things. And that’s what I do when I’m doing these kind of things. So
K
I feel like they get some timing with you about that. Like sometimes they love it. Sometimes they don’t
C
they they do it very much is if I’m doing my job, right, everything just runs smoothly.
K
But that’s not true. Because you’ve got things that are grandfathered in.
C
But yeah, I’m saying from the outside, everything runs smoothly. People don’t see what what’s not running smoothly, internally. Yeah. And they start to say, do you really do anything like nobody’s been that direct? And I think that’s a difference in work culture between Australia and Japan, because
K
it’s, for me, it’s the thing that bothers me is not do anything. The thing that bothers me is why did you do that? Yeah. Why did you do that thing that prevented a catastrophe? Yeah, that’s, I don’t like that. So that kind of explains like a little bit of how different cultures think about usefulness and uselessness. And for me, what I’m thinking about for usefulness are what are the things that I can use every day? What are the things that I enjoy using? What are the things that are covered in dust, and have to go to the dry cleaners to use them? And there’s a serious mold issue, at least where we live. And I find that I struggle with things that I love. But I’m starting to have the rule if it ever gets moldy, I should throw it out. Because obviously, I’m not using it enough or attending to it enough that it prevented it from sitting in the closet and getting mold. Yeah. And so clothes will mildew if you’re not using them regularly, and they’re not airing out the closet regularly, or rotating them regularly. And cleaning them regularly. For me at least clothes get moldy. And it’s not because I’m dirty. So don’t be shady. If there’s like there are mold spores and I’ve talked about the writing yet airborne.
C
Yeah, my shoes get get it
K
off of our shoe cabinet to prevent our sheets from molding right. And it’s really hard because I have a lot of things. I really love that I need to get rid of that hole if it doesn’t spark joy crap, it sparks joy. Okay, I’m just not using it. And I was listening to as watching hosta Minaj the fast fashion episode of Patriot Act if you have Netflix, I think everyone should go watch the fast fashion episode. Because it freed me. I’ve had these clothes now for some of them for 20 years.
C
Yeah, some of them since before we got married, which was more than 20 years ago.
K
Yeah. And so I kept it For the life of it, and I was shocked to find out in the United States that 80% of things that go to the Salvation Army are thrown away. Yeah. And by thrown away, I mean, shipped to Africa. And then Africans got through it. And from there, so 80% of it gets shipped to Africa. And then only 20% of that gets used. So 60% of everything you donate ends up in a landfill,
C
but we had somebody come by not from Salvation Army, but come by and say, Do you have any kind of good condition use clothes? When we had thing, we pulled them out? And they took one scarf? And some of these things still had tags on them? Yes. Like, it wasn’t that they were, you know, old and Ratty. It was just that they’re like, No, we couldn’t use that. So we’re not even gonna pretend to take it.
K
So for me, I do have like, a big, like, I do need to do like two or three bags of clothes that I’m throwing out and I didn’t need to do a bunch of shoes. My problem with the shoes are as I’ve talked about them before, there, shouldn’t Chanel. And so they’re Gucci, rather. And so I think I do think I am going to put them up, like take photos of them, and put them up with the size and say, come take me you can have me
C
more on our, our grocery store has a donation box for clothing to so we’ll figure out what the rules are about that and what we can take to there.
K
Yeah, but I feel better. I don’t feel like a bad human for everything. Yeah, I want to get rid of because it’s just not useful. Like sweaters. I’ve talked about the sweaters before. Yeah, because temperatures are so variable inside. I just feel like I’m roasting. And um,
C
yeah, I think we mentioned before, if it’s raining, the heat will be on on the subway. Yes, like no matter how hot it is outside. It is raining. The heat is on. Yeah, I’m assuming that’s kind of some kind of anti moisture mechanism.
K
Yeah, and flip flops can’t wear my flip flops. Yeah. Because the sudden rain and not I have one pair of flip flops that I can wear. But they’re so culturally done that I just don’t wear my flip flops. Because when you take your seats off inside, because you’re wearing slippers, you have to have on socks or you’re rude. Yeah, so I have seen some people that wear open toed or flip flops and just carry a pair of socks in their bag. That my purse is so tiny like it’s full.
C
The Gator socks the gator? That wouldn’t shoes? Yeah. So they sell the socks with the big toe separated so that you can use it. Yeah,
K
but that’s not cute. It’s not That’s not cute. So the thing that surprises me most that we brought from the US that I have not used at all is my Kool Aid jug.
C
I use it sometimes for water.
K
But there’s no Kool Aid in Japan. No, there’s
C
not. There’s no flavor eight either. They’re not playing favorites like that.
K
Yeah, there’s no Kool Aid. There’s no flavoring, no Crystal Light. And I never drank Crystal Light. I’m not even sure
C
it exists anymore. But you know, I used to drink the the pouches where you could.
K
Yeah, you did like the Crystal Light. And I haven’t seen do they do just patches here. I haven’t seen them.
C
Yeah, you don’t like the juice patches here. They do juice boxes. Yeah, I’ve
K
never I wasn’t a fan of them in the United States. Yeah, but I would give Rasta Capri Sun Yeah. And I would pretend to take a sip because that’s who you are Rasta when you listen to this I’m just gonna come clean. No, I’m sorry to do this publicly. I know this might be traumatizing for you. But mommy never drank your Capri Suns. I guess pretended to drink your Capri Sun. Wow. Yes, money lied. And I’m sorry.
C
Hashtag truth bomb. Right?
K
Because what kid needs their parent to sip like as if they’re afraid of being poisoned?
C
Thank you. I was just thinking what kid needs a poison tester?
K
Everything Everything for that kid. You taste it. I don’t like strawberry milk. But you taste it but I don’t like it tasted anyway. And so he’ll just like pressure me and just stare at me with those eyes. And like y’all have a met roster but if you met roster, he has his face that he does. That is just like 1000 pounds of peer pressure. There’s like nothing is going forward. Nothing is happening until you do this thing for me mother. Yeah my mother so he makes the do this for me another face and I’m just I’m weak against the face. Roster Dota two rosters still use this dude. That roster knows don’t overuse it because it doesn’t tolerate it. So rosters crap Y’all don’t play around sight on this, your mind. So I think of all of the nasty stuff I’ve had to drink, and eat and taste so that this child of mine would eat and drink their food that they wanted, mind you. So, that’s all I’m saying about that. So Rasta is one of those things that worked in the United
C
I was thinking to myself, don’t say it.
K
Just kidding. We love you, baby. I’m just kidding. Mommy loves you. I’m happy we brought Roscoe
C
he calls your mother
K
I have the me rock roster from the years, especially now that his Japanese is like native level. Yes. So for reals for reals roster super useful. But besides that Ross is our son and we love pasta. Yes. Last is the precious
C
but we did bring a lot of clothes from the US that he never ended up wearing because he had outgrown them. Bastard like when we moved we didn’t separate Okay, these are the clothes that are outgrown and these are not it was just well of course we’re running a 20 foot container
K
now he went through a growth spurt right after we got here.
C
Yeah, so
K
we did not pack clothes that didn’t fit him. We packed clothes that he developed the agency and autonomy to say that he wouldn’t wear anymore because I love roster in the color orange. Yes, you do. I love roster and the color orange rasa does not like to wear the color orange. And so we have now we have a truce and a treaty on that Ross doesn’t have to wear anymore orange. But there was a point in time. Because roster we moved on roster was 12. Yeah. And NASA was right at that age like so right before we moved faster was still being dressed by me. And then once we moved, and Rasca acclimate to here, Ross is like, I don’t like that.
C
Well, and you came over here in bursts to learn Japanese and different things. Yeah, two years before we moved here finally. So
K
that didn’t affect what we brought with us. It should have been, should have. But
C
we started like having stuff here in Japan when Ross was 10.
K
Yeah. And so that all of that stuff stayed, right. And I feel like we used all of that stuff, because a lot of that stuff was art and everything. So I love all of our photos that we brought all of our keepsakes, and all of our memorabilia and even blankets. I love our blankets and our towels. The towels make me feel just so we have towels that we have owned for 20 years now. Yeah. So okay, we keep stuff
C
on there from Target.
K
Yeah. So no family surprising to me that I wish we had brought that we didn’t bring. We’re dishes. As we bought for some reason we bought tons of silverware. Right. We we bought all of our almost all of our cutlery, but we didn’t bring any of our plates. And I wish we had brought our plates. Because Japanese plates, we buy them at the dollar store just to be clear. And the Dollar Store plates. We didn’t have dollar store places in the US we had nice, like place sets for entertaining. And I was like I’m not going to be entertaining as much. But the dollar stir plates in Japan, if you drop them once they split down the middle
C
one you’ve been watching a ceramic show. Pottery shows now I know. Oh, they had two halves of a plate. And they just held them together with glaze. Because they all they all develop crack lines before they actually crack.
K
Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh.
C
When I spend some knowledge, you’re never gonna
K
get me to agree. Anybody made a plate in two pieces, like watching the pottery show. If nothing else, you should have learned that that is just like the least fees like this. Oh my gosh, no,
C
they all crack so cleanly, though.
K
No, they don’t some break at the edge. We do have had a lot that break right down the center. Yeah, but some break at edge. And so I’m wondering, should we invest? Should we pay a little bit more? Should we go ahead and separate and pay that $4 more for a plate, but I don’t trust it. I don’t feel like it would stay. I feel like it would be just as fragile. And then the wood, the wooden dishes that they have here. That cheap lacquer that they put on them that bubbles up and I don’t want to eat that. Yeah, so
C
the cheap ceramic dishes that we buy last us about four or five years usually that the wooden ones that we tried that we’re like we’re gonna do the wood. It’s made of bamboo. It’s not actually wood. We’re gonna do the bamboo. It’s gonna be good. It’s gonna be good for eco friendly. Does like five or six times after eating off of them. Yeah, all of the finish on it was gone, it would start staining and like warping and yeah, they’re just not good.
K
And then we have a really nice tea set that someone gave us. I don’t know why they gave us this really nice, expensive tea set. And it’s fragile as all get out, so you can’t use it. So I don’t know, where the price point is for durable goods.
C
I don’t know, because that just got delivered one day and you’re like, Oh, that’s a client. Don’t look at the name. Like, okay.
K
Yeah. And how they found me was creepy, but whatever. Like, some people track me down and find my home address which violation violation. So I started putting,
C
yeah, you started putting, if you try to track me down, I will drop you as a client.
K
Yeah. Like, don’t send things to my home, do not find my home. Do not follow me home. And you’re like, What have you been through a lot? Okay. So I don’t know, what is a durable good. In Japan? I don’t know the durable brands. I know, the high end brands. And I know, the low end brands, I don’t know the media and brands. Right? I feel like we I brought a lot of high end brand stuff from the US with me to Japan, that don’t fit my lifestyle. Yeah, cuz I’m not. I’m not an entertainer anymore. And also, it just even when we were entertaining in Japan, I wasn’t using those things. Because I was surprised to find out that when you do have, we did throw a couple of house parties we I know we said we never threw parties, but we used to throw them quite regularly and have Japanese people come over. And they did enjoy it, the home cooking and all of that. But we had really intimate relationships with them. And so it was never a fancy dress, right party like a dinner party in Japan. Is it a formal dinner? We didn’t have? Yeah, friends on that level.
C
We have a relationship that they were they had said, please go ahead and call me by my first name.
K
Yeah, we did. And I have friends that I can chat. And so yeah, like so those like songs so much on and couldn’t and Thomas for girls Chronos for boys. And right away. It’s not strict. But like you that’s to say that you need them. When you hear someone saying like, like that’s the Quran. That’s them saying that they’ve known roster since he was a boy. Yeah. And so I have a couple of good friends are like, No, you can call me China couldn’t because I feel like I’ve known you long enough that you’re like, like a childhood friend. Yeah. And so if you have a childhood friend over, like, what’s your level of dress, you know? And if we’re going out to a museum or what have you, I just I don’t find that there’s enough formal occasions where I dress up. And then there was the awkward thing of where we would go to events with the American Chamber of Commerce, Japan, and y’all can hate me if you want to, I don’t care. And I went to one event and I was dressed in all silk and heels, my heels. And everybody made such a big deal of the fact that I was wearing silk. And I was like
C
all these people in wool, silk and wool suits.
K
Yeah, so it was uncomfortable for me. And then I went to another formal like it was supposed to be a formal business type dinner and the silk again, it was an I have these two skirts are really beautiful. They’re embroidered. So I thought, Okay, I won’t do the embroidery itself, because that makes like, way too much of a hullabaloo. They weren’t that expensive. They aren’t my most expensive. I
C
was thinking I was thinking the price. I thought those were reasonably priced. You’ve gotten like many, many years of many, many times of use out of them.
K
Yeah, so then I just wore a plain soap because I like soap because it’s airy. And I never know the temperature in Japan. So silk is my friend. And they made like a huge deal out of the fact that I was an all silk again. And I was just like, okay, so
C
no, it’s Ray on I told you. I don’t wear bring on. I know you don’t
K
is for ecological reasons. Yeah. And so for me, I just feel like I’m in the packet in cotton and natural and I do natural fibers. So that has has shifted. So my sweaters and so it’s mostly clothes that we shouldn’t have brought with us instead we should have brought dishes. Yes. Like I wish we had brought dishes but the cabinets are so shallow, at least in in our house. The cabinets are so shallow that I don’t know if our dishes would have fit. And that was one of the issues. One of the things that we were talking about, because we had lived here for a little while and then back. They were when we’re looking at dishes or like what our dishes fit, like dishes would not fit in the dishwasher. No, like a full size American plate does an average American dinner plate would not fit. And the curry plates don’t fit. So
C
they’re too curved.
K
They’re too tall.
C
Yeah, that’s one thing though. Too curved. They’ve got too much depth.
K
They’re too tall.
C
They’re too diameters.
K
Circumference is too large. See, I see the curve in the pleat.
C
I say diameter, but you can calculate Cumference from the diameter, so I’ll allow it.
K
So what’s something you brought that you regret? I think you have any regrets. Do you regret the shake machine? I think you should regret Brian. I
C
do regret bringing the milkshake machine. I don’t think I’ve ever used it here. We used it here for a while. What was never a good idea. And it wasn’t a good idea in the US. That’s when anything by never. Yeah. It was never a good idea. Yeah, I think the big things that I brought were like art and such. I don’t regret bringing that. I’m happy you brought that.
K
I love that. We bought our art.
C
Yeah, I think I had a desk that we brought.
K
No, we didn’t bring your desk. Okay. You bought a glass desk, so you can regret that purchase?
C
Yeah. I thought I was gonna like it. Yeah,
K
no. No more desks for you.
C
Right. Now I have a TV tray that I use. And that’s all you get.
K
And it’s all I need. Yeah, three teeny trays. A lot better.
C
I guess strictly they’re not TV trays. Because they’re they’re just collapsible tables. They reach all the way to the ground. They don’t have the miniature legs of a typical, you mess
K
them off me? Absolutely. Yeah. Because you have my big,
C
I have your big and then I went and bought two more to replace your big. And then I took them back. I was like you’re not using
K
memory is so bad. The two small tables that we have, you did not bite. So something that’s really practical in Japan, if you move to Japan, get yourself some collapsible tables. They’re awesome. I suggest them to every client when they’re like, I don’t know how to set things up and that pop up and I’m like, get yourself collapsible tables. And then like, would that work? And then my guess because while you’re working, you can have your table up. Yeah. And when you’re relaxing, you can put your table down. And they’re like, but where would I put this at the end? And I like collapsible table. I’m telling you, and all of my clients have loved it. So we had collapsible tables that go with the chairs? Yes, that we have in the living room that we now have our beds in. Yes. So those are the collapsible tables that you use. So you’re trying to have this fiction where you actually purchase your own classical tables specifically for just a few years. And that never happened.
C
I remember buying them at Nitori. Very,
K
okay. You went with me to buy them? Yes. Where they purchase for you to use as your office desk. No.
C
Yeah, this is true.
K
So something we brought from the United States that broke down that we replaced the ring on that I love that we still use our blender. Yeah. I love our blender.
C
We’ve had to replace the rubber part a few times. Yeah. And there to prevent the motor from burning out. So yes, we have been bad people and use it to crush ice.
K
Because I went through an ice chip phase. Yeah. So we’re using it to chip is this a good blender? Yes. Something else you brought? That I think was a waste your fishbone remover that you’ve never used to remove a single Fishbone from a single piece of fish. I know.
C
And when I when I bought that Fishbone remover? Yeah. Because I thought wow, I cook a lot of fish now. I really need a fishbone and
K
have we never get a piece of this?
C
Yeah. So when I bought that fish remover. I wasn’t thinking about whether it’d be useful in Japan.
K
So why did we bring it? Why do we still have it?
C
It was a gift from you to me. You gave it to me as a gift. very excitedly. You’re like, be paid. I got you something.
K
I did not give you the fishbone you did. You
C
did. It’s from William Sonoma. You gave it to me
K
that Oh, because that’s when you told me that You were gonna make me salmon.
C
And I did make you salmon. I just didn’t use that thing.
K
Because you bought burned salmon filets? Yes. Hello. Well, you told me that you were gonna fillet fish.
C
I think. I think we had a breakdown in language there.
K
So you cook me the list of shrimp? Yeah. I hardly ever want the shrimp. And you, you don’t cook me any fish at all. I’ll randomly go buy fish at the store when I’m craving it. But then cooking it is too much for me. Yeah,
C
I bought y’all a couple of times. We’ve cooked a few fish. But, you know, I feel like one of the things that I like is that the grocery stores near enough I can go get prepared foods. And they always have well prepared fish. I feel like it’s much more efficient for them to cook 50 servings of this thing and then sell them then for me to cook one of my own. Yeah. So cooking for myself. Sometimes I feel like ecologically bad about it.
K
I feel like if you’re planning a move to Japan, I think having a Western rice cooker. Yeah, because we have a Western rice cooker and I absolutely love. Alright, now we have a Japanese rice cooker.
C
No. All right. Ours is still one load, Ron. Is it? Yeah. Japanese rice cooker. I don’t use the rice cooker. It was made by a Japanese company. But all of the buttons and everything are an English.
K
Yeah. So like I would say absolutely bring all of your cooking all of your pots and pans. Because I wish we had brought all of our pots and pans. Yeah. And I wish we had brought all of our plates and glasses. And cutlery. So I think pack up your kitchen and bring your kitchen with you. Except for your baking pans. Bring your small. What do we have our nine by nines. Yeah. Bring all your nine by nine baking pans. But leave all your big, like broiler pans. Leave those.
C
Yeah, unless you set up for especially you’re not cooking a sheet cake.
K
Yeah, no, there’s no, you can’t cook a sheet cake. Right. Like we technically could because we have brailler pans that came with our oven. And we bought a boiler pan and additional boiler pan because I like to boil two things at once what I’m doing like my little, they like to make these dishes where you put food and aluminum foil and roll them up. Yeah. And I like to cook more than two rows of it because then it’s a 15 minute meal. And it microwaves beautifully. And you can reinvent it like once it’s cooked you can cook it a bunch of different other ways on the second cook. Yeah, add rice or add spice that’s really dead. And I would say don’t bring sweaters.
C
Yeah, I think it depends on where you’re going to live.
K
I know that they’ll bring bandanas because for some reason down dances are super expensive in Japan. Like when they sell them at the dollar store. I buy a bunch of them because they’re not natural. They’re not regularly stocked at the dollar store. And if for me, I feel like more than $1 more than shakin, 100 yen for $1 for a bandana is outrageous. just outrageous. I’m used to getting three, three or four for $1. Sometimes extra dollar. Yeah, you’re
C
not used to like $9 A piece.
K
Right? So I went to the store one day I was gonna buy bandanas and I was like, Okay, wait, I’m not paying $9 For a single bandana. Like I was an undershirts and underclothes. Lots and lots of underwear.
C
Unless you like going to the convenience store and buying underwear. Like which is really only an option for men.
K
So if you’d like bikini cut underwear. If if you like wearing female underwear, that is bikini cut, you’ll be fine. And if you’re within the size ranges, yeah. So for me, I’m a big girl. I don’t like bikini cut, and I don’t wear a thong anymore. I’m done like my thong years are behind me. And I find that I can’t find comfortable cuts. And then also I’d like to wear the boxer briefs. Yeah. And they don’t make boxer briefs in my size and the cut of the boxer briefs are strange here in Japan. Like men’s underwear in Japan. They have like a little pouch sewn into them. Yes for the business and I find in the in the US. The pouch can lay flush, or the pouch can purge out but it’s a flexible pouch. Right right. Other than a cut in pouch that’s rigid. Yeah. Which I think it’s weird.
C
It’s not comfortable. It’s not quite codpiece, but it’s very much longer.
K
So I think the biggest practical thing is and I love the fact that we brought our umbrellas, but they’ve since turned to dust.
C
I had one stolen because it was just too beautiful. The frogs? No, not the frogs. The frogs wore out the butterflies that I got in Sweden.
K
Oh, yeah. Yeah, that was a gorgeous umbrella.
C
Got it the natural Museum of History. Yeah.
K
So I would say, think about, like, if you’re going to be bringing stuff, think about, like, go online, and figure out how big a tatami is. And I would say create that with something that you own. Like, if you can get a towel. That’s the length of autonomy, or something because everything is to Tommy size. Or if
C
you have a laundry room, that’s probably about the size of a standard bedroom here in Japan.
K
Yeah. And do the layout and think to yourself, like the tatami still Jacks me up. I know for me, like, our current bedroom is really small. So our living room was only five and a half to Tommy big. But that’s because it’s supposed to be our dining room. Which is weird to me. Yeah. Because after kitchen is supposed to be the living room and for my American brain, if it’s off of the kitchen as the dining room. Hello. But it’s actually supposed to be the living room. And that’s like, eight to Tommy or eight and a half? I don’t know.
C
Yeah, I couldn’t. We’re looking the other day for this. And I could find certification on the total square area, but not of the rooms.
K
Yeah, and familiarize yourself with a measuring tape. If you’re coming from specifically the United States, where we’re the only one of the few countries, not the only, like one of three countries that uses Imperial measurements. It’s going to take a minute for you to get used to you will get used to it. I don’t say that you’ll know the metric but you’ll get used to it. But
C
even if you use it even if you work in centimeters all the time. I haven’t seen any metal tape here.
K
Yeah, I haven’t seen any metal lock tape. Everything’s a really soft, like, everything’s a soft floppy. took your hands you can find Yeah,
C
maybe. Tape. I know it’s from measuring around curves, like specifically measuring people. You don’t want your Craftsman metal tape when you’re measuring some somebody’s waist. But
K
yeah, yeah, think about the types of things that that you want to do. And the type of lifestyle that you want to have. But definitely, we’re always telling everybody to look at floor plans. And it’s not a joke. It’s because don’t look at the the square footage. Because there are some bedrooms that are honest to goodness as big as a single bed. Yes. And that’s all it will fit in it is a single bed. And like you have to exit it. You have to crawl up the end of your bed. Because side to side you’re touching.
C
Yeah, think like you’ve heard of capsule hotels. It’s a capsule bedroom.
K
Completely capsule bedroom. So look at floor plans and think about what is useful to you. Not what sparks joy, or none of that. What do you use? What will you use on a regular basis? And then think about what would you use in a room? That is always 80 degrees? Because inside for some reason? 80 degrees is the temperature in Japan for inside not your own home? Yeah, that’s the between 70 and 80.
C
That’s the cool bill. Yeah, yeah, that’s the cool business policy that that only started being the case in like 2012.
K
Yeah. And I love a hoodie, but they’re just, I don’t know, they’re just, they’re viewed as low class here. So even if you’re wearing a nice hoodie, so I would say invest in a nice one nice jacket. So if you’re going shopping, or you’re going someplace where you don’t want to be viewed as homeless, have something other than 30
C
Well, and one final thing is not to bring but to be aware of if you are moving here with a job, and the company is like you’re gonna live in company housing. Oh, you are you are being taken for a ride on the rent. If you’re gonna be here for more than a minute.
K
Yeah, in it. I think next month we’re doing moving. Yeah. And living. Yeah, we’re doing that next month because we’re masters moving We’ll probably have, that’ll be on my mind. As we talk about what lately I’m talking about fresh up to date info. Yep. And what’s lately what’s been on my mind for the take two is things easy. We’ll pull up, we’re in Volume Two of the evening. And we have our second author nuts, and so super excited about that. And we’ve done away with their outro and our intro because we’re wiling out here.
C
Okay, that’s what the description is for.
K
So we hope that you had a good time listen to this just ramble on mostly about clothing that we shouldn’t have bought. And I’m sorry, like, you know, truth bombing, Rosta like that, but it is what it is. So thank you so much. All of our beautiful music mills. We’re so happy that you listen, we value each and every listen, and we’re so happy that we’re in. I’m doing the release of roof motion. We’re so happy that we’re in the top 10 on player FM spin, like, I don’t know, like three or four months now. Yeah, it’s gonna say and if you follow us on over to the tech team become our patron you have over like several 100 things that you can download and listen to
C
and I think it’s like over 100 I think several 100 Is is a bridge too far
K
for me when they’re listening to this.
C
Okay, fair point. Yeah,
K
well follows on over to the take today. We’re gonna talk about all things eating. Bye
K
So lately I’ve been thinking about American snow versus Japanse snow, and more specifically like California snow versus Nagoya snow versus Hokkaido snow and Asahikawa specifically in Hokkaido. Never been to – what’s the famous city for snow in Hokkaido?
C
Sapporo.
K
Yeah, we’ve never been to Sapporo. So, and then comparing and contrasting that to what you describe as Alaskan snow.
C
Well, I’m full disclosure. It is snowing here. We woke up to a snowy day.
K
Yeah. So yesterday. It was It started snowing here in Nagoya, which is really early. Because it usually snows in I want to say February.
C
Yeah. Usually, like the first week of February.
K
Yeah. So it’s really early. So I was like, Ooh, snow day. And then we woke up and today it was like really snowy like it. It snowed all night. And for me, it’s really exciting when there’s like two inches of snow on the ground. I’m like, Oh my gosh, there’s like an inch of snow on our balcony rail. And you can see the snow falling down on like snow day snow day. It’s snowing. Like, is super, super exciting. Yeah, I am totally like singing that song and everything with just knowing Japanese. I like it was such like a lot long, because I was like, hey, there’s snow on our balcony and you’re like, Uh huh. It’s just like dead air.
C
I think you’re describing last year because I was excited this year. I pointed it out to you.
K
Yeah, but when I start talking about the details of the snow, okay. Yeah, it’s very warm up like it is snow falling from the sky. There’s like two inches on the ground.
C
Maybe because you’ve been watching hot ones. I’m thinking like, okay, yeah, you’re describing to me that you just found sriracha sauce. And you like it but you don’t like Tabasco.
K
What are you talking about?
C
You’re like discussing
K
I don’t like hot sauce because I don’t like vinegar based beverages and vinegar based sauces. I know that and say that’s like, I can handle spice. I made my own hot sauce.
C
And I’m saying on the snow thing. I don’t think you can handle spice. I don’t think you could handle spicy snow.
K
So now when we went to I asked him when he went to Asahikawa I said, now do you feel like I’ve really been in snow. I feel like you’ve been in snow. But you were like this is still nothing compared to Alaska.
C
Because it didn’t snow while we were there. There was snow and there was ice. It was cold. There ice sculptures. He was it was a wonderful trip. But you didn’t wake up like unable to open your door because it’s not so much.
K
We were staying in a really fancy hotel but we saw snow drifts as tall as me. See from cleaning the snow off the road.
C
That makes it a snow bank but not a snow drift. Okay. Yeah, language.
K
So we saw snow banks those banks. Yes. Thanks to any as tall as you know. And you’re like this still isn’t real snow. Like it’s snow, but it’s not Alaska. Yeah. So what’s Alaska snow? What’s the difference?
C
What depends on where you are. Cuz like if you’re in Juneau, it rarely snows. And down in Sitka, where like the TV shows like yukon gold on such snow is like, unusual happens every year. But it’s like having a really hard rain in the San Francisco Bay area. It happens but it’s not all the time. But rain is not unusual. Real snow is like the cold that goes with it. So what I think is, if you can make a snowball, it’s probably not that cold.
K
We talking about if you can make a snowball. That’s probably not that cold.
C
Okay, so I spent most of my childhood in Fairbanks which you know, yeah.
K
And our music not to Okay. They remember you. Our music knows love you, baby. They really do. I know that they don’t tweet at you that they love you. But in my heart. I feel like every music note is a huge shad fan. Yeah. And they just absolutely love and love you. And remember all the details that you share about you. Excellent. Yeah, you’re a total rock star in their mind.
C
So it was more than 30 years ago.
K
And they remember you from more than 30 years ago, even though we’ve only had another one cast.
C
Yeah. And the ones who aren’t even 30. Yeah.
K
How long have we had the podcast? Like? Not quite
C
three years. Okay, May will be three years.
K
So we started it in May. We started in May and there was no snow. See, I brought this back around. You’re just gonna segue back into what you were saying. Yeah. And I want to see to show everybody at home that I can. I can bring us back around.
C
You can maneuver at even when there’s snow,
K
thank you see, but that was like a hard push. I feel like mine was more like a snuff, snuff. Oh yeah, it was snow soft. It was not. It was a soft landing. I’m just gonna make that part of the lexicon. Well, it’s thinking it’s like a soft landing into snow. And that turned into soft in my brain. Yeah. So it’s a soft landing in the snow. But Snow is not soft. And that always disappoints me that snow is not soft, even if you crack like the ice layer over the snow, like. So. For those that have never experienced now I’m going to talk about my experience with snow. And I’m going to have Chad talk about Alaska snow delays aside to interrupt him, because Hello, it’s the music’s in Japan. Thank you. Lovely to be if I didn’t interrupt you to just blather on about something some other podcast. Right? So I think that would be the writer strike on my solo podcast where there’s no one to interrupt. This is why I don’t do the interviews. Yeah. I’m a horrible interviewer. I think, like I can think of really great interview questions. But at the end of the day, I feel like a horrible interviewer.
C
I think the tempo is odd to you. Like when we see because you and I like to watch interviews. Yeah, I love what interviewers just have a tempo.
K
They do they have been up but up but up but up. And it’s so weird, because you would think as a professional therapist, I would be good at interviewing people.
C
Yeah, but I feel like interviewing is making the conversation interesting. And therapy was making the conversation meaningful.
K
Yes. And I think I find things when they’re not meaningful. I tend to be like, Okay, you bored me? Right. And I think that’s what makes me a bad interviewer. Because if the answer bores me, I want to cut it off.
C
Yeah, I think that does make you not a great interviewer, but a very good therapist and coach.
K
Yeah, because I’m also an executive coach. I’m transitioning from therapy to executive coach. But other than me, because you’ve been executive coach me. I’ve been executive coaching for the past 10 years. But that wasn’t my main state. There was an I’m switching my main site to executive coaching, because of a myriad of reasons. All of them positive. I think I feel for me, it’s just growth, professional growth. But for me, I feel like if someone bores me, Why let them go on and see the disappointment in my face. And I just I think makes me a bad interviewer. Because when I was interviewing on the virus trial, I had to interview Rasta, and it was just so boring. I was like, there’s a better more. I know that you have a better answer. Why aren’t you getting it? Right? Try this out. Yeah, I feel the same way with you. Like, why are you saying this thing? That’s so boring when you have like, a way more interesting answer. Because I know you so well. But I feel like I pretty much know everybody that would be in a situation to interview. Yeah,
C
you know me snow. Well, yeah, I
K
know you snow. Well, because we’re doing that now because I did soft. Yes. And so blame it on me. Don’t blame Chad for this one. And why does the customer thing. So we started in May, there was no snow, the snow now, snow is not soft, snow is wet and hard. And that’s always been disappointing to me. So snow is wet. And then because it’s wet, it gets like a heart I show over it that you can crack that. So this is my Stokes to experience. And my snow experience comes mostly from Tahoe in California, which is not the northern part of the state. And it’s I think it’s like the most northern part of the state. Yeah,
C
right on the border with Nevada because Nevada is part of the town is Yeah,
K
so when it was snow, like it was snow overnight and the snow would freeze. And frozen snow is weird to me. And you can like some of it you can crack the ice some of it you can’t crack the ice it’s just turned into ice now it’s it’s like snow colored ice. We can crack the the ones that you can crack the ice when you get underneath it. It’s fluffy, but it’s not soft and fluffy and wet so it’s just wet. And that’s always been disappointing to me how wet snow is like I know the science behind snow but I just wish that snow was dry.
C
see snow is dry if it’s cold enough.
K
Yeah, yeah. Because you’ve had soft snow
C
Yeah, like when I went with you had soft. Oh, you’re saying powder like soft.
K
But I don’t feel like powder when they call it powder. I don’t feel like it’s soft, powdery snow. I feel like that is a ski term and it’s not actually the texture of powder. I’ve touched now that’s supposed to be the texture of powder and did not feel like powder and I was really disappointed.
C
Okay, possibly boring digression. Okay. One of the clients that I use
K
please don’t interrupt me, I really want to say this
C
when I was an editor full time, one of my clients worked at the and I forget the full name of it. But there’s a Japanese Institute for studying textiles. And one of the things I study is how soft things feel. Okay. And so he studied how soft fabrics feel. And what makes fabric feel soft. Yeah. And no, it doesn’t have the spring Enos that makes it feel soft, because if you press that hit compact, yes. But it really feels soft. When you’re jumping off the second story of a building into a big pile of snow. And it catches you and like, crunches down at a rate that it’s not at all painful to jump off of a second storey building. Have you done this? Many many times?
K
Don’t do this. You don’t know what’s in us now. Like what if a passport because so for me, I’m obsessed with people jumping on the pitchforks, okay. And that’s because it’s fork in my life. And hey, so we would go to Alabama every summer watch the music that’s already now. And almost every summer somebody would jump onto a pitchfork. And I never understood why. And I think that one of my cousins is like super mean, and super angry. The oldest of my, one of my uncle’s caves is super mean. And I think that I believe that he buried the pitchfork in the hay. And people will always come a
C
because I was like, you’re talking about jumping onto a pitchfork. Like you’re talking about jumping at a hay, which is not jumping in a snow.
K
And hey, it’s not soft. Like I would go on hay bale. Right. I went on one table, right. I never went again. Because it was so uncomfortable. It was so itchy and poking through. It ran my stockings for once. I was just way too cute. I didn’t get why everybody wore overalls. Like that’s what you’re wearing. Yeah, I want to look cute. I’m going on a date. You know, I want to look cute. Okay, but
C
when Mad Money you’re cute outfits was overalls. Several you’re cute
K
because this is like see this impacted me for the rest of my life.
C
And did you realize that overalls are cute? Yeah, overalls,
K
overalls with like, a sports bra is extremely sexier overalls with the crop top. Get that little you know, side. Pika scan. Yeah, we’re like, you’re like flashing a little bit, but not really flashing anything. And I had the sexiness of overalls explained to me, after my lines are ran and I looked a mess. And my cousin explained to me why overalls are sexy on women and what it means and all of this, which I don’t buy into anymore. Plus, they’re super comfy. So I was like, Okay, people think this is attractive. So I’ll wear it. Yeah. And that was because of that, hey, they’ll write the one and only ever went on. I was invited on many. And I’m like, No, I don’t want to write on that hard thing. And then people were like, Hey, let’s jump from the second story of the bar. And I’m like, you guys should check for pitchforks. Like, there’s no pitchforks. We clean the hand. I’m like, every summer. Every summer, I come here and every summer, one of y’all jump from the thing onto pitchfork. And so what happens is several people can jump and they don’t land on a pitch for like the first person is considered the bravest. I feel like the fifth person is the bravest, because by then the haze displaced, but not displaced enough to build a pitch for and pitchfork does damage like a pitchfork could kill you. And I really believe that. My mean cousin did it on purpose every year
C
probably do because I have a lot of mean people in your family as do I.
K
Yeah, my family is super mean. So that made me paranoid about jumping in snow. I don’t like to jump in things that I can’t know what like watch it be constructed and know that it’s sick. Okay, I
C
was just gonna say this is cases where I had constructed it myself because I made money sometimes pushing and pushing snow off of roofs because in Fairbanks, the snowpack gets so deep, it will damage your roof,
K
which is just the bomb to watch. Like I watch it for hours on YouTube. Yeah, snap being removed from risks. I just love it. I love the string ones that
C
she’s cut her teeth cutter.
K
I love that.
C
So I do that. And so I did that for our house. Me and my brothers did that for our house. And then we bought a snow plow. Like a not a mechanical one just as big scoop that you could take up on the roof. Yeah. And then I also did a lot of unpaid labor for the Mormons of pushing the snow off of us.
K
And so my paranoia would be that somebody at a spike would put a really sharp snow shovel in that my life They would put the snow shovel on the ground so that they could feign ignorance that there was a snow shovel in the snow. And so he would just leave it there and it would be underneath the snow that was already on the ground. Yeah. So when you’re shoveling it, you don’t really when you’re taking it off the roof. You don’t realize that they’re at the very bottom of all of this snow is a snow shovel that can slice you in half. That’s my big. I don’t want to be sliced in half. I think jumping off the sea.
C
Like I do want to be sliced in half. Like I don’t want to be sliced in half.
K
I don’t want it. I feel like you don’t care. You’re like Danger Mouse. You don’t care. Like I’ll risk being sliced in half.
C
This was 30 years ago. Yeah. 30 years ago. You’re
K
like I hang out with people who might not. You couldn’t get sliced in half. 30 years ago you could and they’re
C
okay. If you could
K
the sites you are now serve as a third of the size I am not we’re salt and pepper shakers. I
C
answer me this.
K
Is it Riddle me this answer me. This
C
is me. This is I don’t want you to rattle me.
K
Riddle you with with ice picks?
C
Right. If people could get sliced in half by jumping into snow. Yeah. Do you know anybody now who got sliced in half 30 years ago by jumping in the snow?
K
They didn’t know anybody who’s ever been sliced in half. It’s just the fear I have. It’s a phobia. I didn’t know what the name of the phobia is. But I’m terrified of being sliced in half. And like I worry at random times. Like I just worry. So when I used to ride motorcycles like on the back of motorcycles I don’t ever ride on the front, because I don’t know how to drive a motorcycle. But I would really be worried and I would wonder if they got sliced in half if I could jump off the bike and time to not get sliced in half.
C
Yeah on that. I don’t know cuz I only knew one person who got sliced in half in Fairbanks when I was there. And they were on a snowmobile not not not a motorcycle, but it’s exactly what you’re thinking. Like they were riding a snowmobile really fast and there was a wire at the right level that just cut them.
K
So why are you so reckless? You know, someone’s been sliced in half. I don’t. But you know, it’s a real thing that can happen that people are just wiling out riding snowmobiles, jumping off buildings. Why are you wiling out? Like your life was so dangerous, people were getting injured, like seriously injured all of the time. One of your best friends got blown up, like come on.
C
I mean, among the like, I wasn’t the fundamentalist Mormons, but among the fundamentalist Mormons, 30% of boys don’t reach adulthood. They died before adulthood, that is wild, right? And you’re doing the stuff that they do the stuff that they do, like, this is population action, unpaid labor, like
K
that has wild to me, like you tell me like, one in 10 of my friends is going to die doing this free? How do I know? Three in 10? That’s wild. So three and 10 people are gonna die doing living the way you’re living? How do you know you’re not one of the three? I mean, you know now because retrospect right? But how did you know then that you weren’t one of the three? Or were you just like wiling out and like I don’t care?
C
I was like, it’s out of my control.
K
How is it out of your control?
C
I mean, so obviously, this is gonna be like things that if you’re going to be traumatized by death, you should, you should click off the episode, but
K
is there a target talking about people dying on the snow episode, but now I’m interested like, why that is so wild. Like how can I have been with you? for over 22 years? And I don’t know that three in 10 people in your age demographic when you were younger died doing the same stuff you were doing? Who am I not saying that your childhood was just so dangerous?
C
Yeah, I don’t know. So,
K
like all your broken noses and broken bones and stuff, but I’m still just like, Okay, that was up wild. walking down stairs.
C
No suicides. Just like, yeah, suicide deaths. When I was in junior high school, two students died of accidents. Okay, I almost died in an accident. I lost. I lost teeth.
K
Okay, no road bridge because you didn’t change your ways. After that. My tire
C
got stuck in the railroad tracks. And while I was riding my bike down the railroad,
K
uh huh. Why are you riding a bike down the railroad?
C
Because it was only way across the bridge. Okay. Is a railroad bridge.
K
Okay. Yeah, I know what you’re talking about. There’s no other way to do it. Right. It’s very standby news like 10 miles to the other bridge. Yeah, very stand by me for that.
C
My freshman year,
K
and with dead bodies and bullies Very stand by me.
C
My freshman year of high school, a girl named Karen Zastrow got kidnapped and murdered.
K
Don’t say people’s name now that’s too dark. Well, buddy, this is snow episode. I’m just saying lowdown I look,
C
I looked it up later and they did eventually catch the people who did it.
K
But wow, that took a time that
C
did take multiple people from my high school dive in plane crashes.
K
Like this is not the death episodes. Stop. Okay, please. Crickets Crikey.
C
Okay, so the point is,
K
why are you wiling out that way? Like, why are you living that way? Okay.
C
The point is, I did not feel like I was taking a particular risk by jumping off of a building into a six foot pile of snow that I had just made.
K
So for me, like I would open my mouth and let people throw drugs in my mouth, that I knew exactly zero people that died of a drug overdose. And I studied, like, how do people die of drug overdoses like what causes drug overdoses, and I built up my talents, and I knew how much I could do. And I knew at the, at the pinnacle of my drug use that I was the pinnacle of a drug user, your mind
C
does not so small that you could meter it. So they could only throw a certain amount of drugs in there.
K
You ask them what they flicked into your mouth afterwards. And then you know what you can put on top of it. Like, okay,
C
so you’re not worried about what they might flick in your mouth. You just don’t want to interaction with anything you do later in the evening.
K
Right? So you have to keep track of like what you’ve done that night. Like I’m not promoting drug use, don’t use drugs. Drugs are bad,
C
whether I take my medication for the day.
K
Yeah, so I know that I always started with a methamphetamine base, a methamphetamine and a tequila base. And so with the methamphetamine, tequila base, I know what I can add into the night, that’ll be good or bad. Okay, and with each new thing, like if someone’s flicking some acid into your mouth, you’re good for the rest of the night. Like you don’t want anything else. Or if you’re adding Special K, you don’t want anything else, or someone’s giving you like GBH or MDMA or like you just have to know what they gave you after they gave it to you to know what the ride is going to be, and to know if you should add any more passengers in. And so like, most times, if someone flipped drugs and tie him up, I would stop drinking.
C
Yet this is not the kiss for that I met.
K
No, this is not because for the Met was only doing tequila and alcohol. Yeah, I had already quit all of my illicit drugs. And one time we were hanging out, and I think I’ve talked about this before, on the podcast. He had, we had gotten pipes for a friend of ours. And I stumbled across some weed that I had had for like forever. And I’m like, I wonder if the sweetest snail is stale. Not snail is stale. And I told you I shouldn’t smoke it because I get paranoid or I clean. And I didn’t know which one I would do and so I smoked it and I got super paranoid. And I told you sees why I don’t smoke it like because you’re always going off and smoking weed. I’m like weed is not good for me. Like for like of all the drugs. The worst drug I’ve ever done is marijuana like the worst trips I’ve ever had? have been on marijuana and marijuana is classified the same as LSD. In terms of the drug chart for psychoactive it’s a psychotropic
C
Yeah, I hadn’t smoked any since after you and I became a couple.
K
No, you smoked one more time. One more time. Yeah, he smoked one more time. And after we were a couple because you went up and that was the orgy. And your friend’s sister came and was like trying to get you to have sex with them. And you’re like, I don’t want to have sex on
C
this representation. Hmm. They did not do that
K
is what happened. The music notes. No, this is what happened because already hashed it out. So if you want to know like, go back, and and you can get the full story. And you’ll see that I was totally right. Because when we hashed it out, Chad confesses that yeah, they want to totally. They totally want to fuck Chad.
C
But in your mind, everybody does. Because who wouldn’t?
K
Know? Every time I’ve said somebody wants to fuck you, you’re like, I don’t believe it. And I’m not gonna say who cuz I’m not gonna put them on blast like that. But we had somebody who was like, Come away with me. And let’s stay in the same hotel. And I was like, when you write up the elevator, you need to make it really clear that they’re never gonna go to your hotel room. Yeah. And then in retrospect, you’re like, that was a good tip that you gave me. Yes, because they would have wanted to come into my hotel room because they want to have sex with me. Damn.
C
And I’m like, Why? Why?
K
I don’t Yes, sexy beast.
C
I don’t have body dysmorphia. Like simply those who do. But I just think why
K
when I first met you, I told you you look like someone who’s good at sex. Yeah, you did say that. And so for me, I’m like, You look like someone who’s good at sex.
C
Okay. And you know, do you know how I learned from reading books? Well, Australia tell you because I’ve been too afraid to tell you the real story. Okay, that’s
K
the real story. Snow. That was awesome. Sorry for clapping. But that was the bomb. That was awesome. That was a good like, bring around because I’m like, I can talk about chat all day, which is so strange. If you follow us on Twitter, you’re like, but you guys aren’t having sex. And then like, but we used to, and I remember it. We’re just not doing it right now. Because we’re recording recording a podcast. Like we’re not wiling out like,
C
I got a new mic. So thank you. So patrons who funded that? Yes. Thank you. patrons. We love you. And even with the new mic, it would be very hard to record.
K
Yeah, it would be and it would be so obvious. Whenever someone’s having sex, even when they think they’re doing it discreetly in public places. That is so obvious. But then you don’t spot it. I spotted because I added music parts and stuff. I’m like, they’re having sex right now. Yeah. What are you talking about? I’m
C
like, look at them. That’s why you always pointed out?
K
Yeah, I do. Because if I see something, like if I see hard nipples on anyone, male or female, I’m like, nipples. Look, if I see underwear, I’m like underwear look. And if I see people having sex in public, I’m like they’re having sex look. Yes. Even if they’re doing it in the snow and getting frostbite. Yes, I bought it back around. Thank you. Okay, so you jumped off of and you’re saying that it’s soft, if you jump up into it, and I don’t think that
C
I’m saying it doesn’t feel soft. But because it breaks your fall. You consider that soft? Yeah. Because Fairbanks is cold enough that the snow is crystal like crystals are very small. Okay. So it’s very fluffy unless it’s like, late.
K
But even a glass snow is super fluffy. Right? So when I touch it with my finger and push it down, knowing Yeah, it’s not fluffy or enjoyable. If I work thermodynamic gloves, it’s still not fluffy, right? So
C
it’s warm enough here in the quiet and it wasn’t a shakeout that when you push the snow down, the pressure makes it warm enough to partially melt. And when then you let it go. It refreezes into ice.
K
So even when I catch the snowflakes, I don’t stick my tongue out because I don’t know where that air has been. Yeah.
C
That air that you’re already breathing.
K
That’s so different than putting it in my mouth. Like putting something that formed in it in my mouth. I don’t know what that snow has captured. Okay. I always thought it’s really gross when people like stick their tongue out in the snow.
C
Well, when you and I were kids, I think you were still a kid acid rain. Yes, that is exactly what it’s
K
like seriously, like in California, when it would rain. There was a point in time in my childhood, where you were advised to not leave your home because of the acid rain.
C
Yes. And that’s what I exactly was gonna say is that that was the big thing was it’s acid rain, and it’s acid snow. And look, this fell on this forest and all of the trees died.
K
Yes. and Canada was suing. Yeah, Canada was suing the United States because our acid rain was destroying Canada, right? Because it wasn’t doing anything. And we were just like, wiling out and polluting everything. And in Canada in the United States. And we made so much pollution in the United States that the the wind carried the pollution to Canada and Canada sued us. Yes. State. The country, one country sued another country over destroying the air quality. Yeah, it was so tragic. So that does stick with me. And I’m like, I don’t know what’s in the snow. I don’t know what it’s gathered. Right. You know, I know I’m breathing it in. But it’s different than like, ooh, let me get more.
C
Yeah, it does concentrate like food. The fish are not inherently poisonous. That’s what they eat em concentrate. snuck me the same way.
K
So did you guys have acid snow in Alaska? We didn’t.
C
It was a big topic of conversation, because there was concern about it because Fairbanks was a very industrial town. So lots of pollution,
K
and lots of oil production.
C
Yeah. And Fairbanks itself is in a valley. So we get thermal inversion, which would make like really, really bad air quality days. But those are not the same days that snowed mostly
K
because they were worried that the tea would come together. So I feel like my experience of California snow has been one of really dangerous snow and really fun snow. So like when I was a kid, it was I learned the snow was really dangerous because all of my childhood experiences with snow something bad always happened. Like there was, you know, lots of years of acid snows So we couldn’t go play in the snow. And then as soon as acid though stopped, my dad lived up in the hills. My mom was like, Okay, you can go to your dad and spend time in the snow. And I was obsessed with freezing my hands in the snow, and getting severe frostbite and frostbite doesn’t hurt. Recovering from frostbite. That hurts. That has to be seriously the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced. But as soon as my hands were healed, and they would let me out, of course, I would promise not to do it again.
C
Even though having had frostbite does make you more susceptible to in the future.
K
Ideal. And so the second time I went out barefoot, because it was on your feet. Yes, was my thing. And then when my feet healed because I couldn’t walk, but before my feet have fully healed, I crawled out in the snow, took off my shirt and everything and laid back and arms out in the snow. And they freaked I didn’t get frostbite that time because they were like, Okay, we can’t trust this little person. And they are completely irresponsible in the snow. And for me, snow and sand were the same thing. And so I was really young, and sound sound but the same thing to me. And they like structurally
C
they’re, they’re not that different. They’re both crystalline, like, piles of crystals.
K
Yeah, so I had to stay in the hospital. That was me as a kid. And then me as an adult. I’ve never been on skis. But I would go disc sliding, which is different than sled. It’s different than landslides. Like you sit in a desk and you hurtle down with no steering or anything. And you just hope that you land someplace safe, and not ram into a tree. So that’s way dangerous, but nobody I knew ever rammed into a tree even though you didn’t know Sonny Bono. Yeah, even though we were like, sliding down a mountain into a forest. Yeah. And it was really fun to go whizzing past the trees. And now I’m just like horrified thinking back of my younger self has been like, sliding through the trees. And like hoping to catch a sight of a deer or something. Because just flying at this point through the trees.
C
Yeah, I think my equivalent would be there was a hill outside of town. It was like a mile long, it was straight. So we’d walk up it and then slid down the whole hill. Yeah, but it was an active road. So it was like, everybody, look. We had walkie talkies. Because this was before cellphones were widely available. We had walkie talkies. And so we’re like, is there anybody down? Coming? Like no.
K
If we did not indulge in the slide, in Asahikawa and we don’t indulge in the snow slide here in Nagoya. And I just, I don’t know, I used to love slides. Like I used anything with a slide. I was a huge waterpark fan and everything. But by the time we had met, I was over waterparks I feel like I didn’t like being a parent at a waterpark. Yeah, we went to a couple and it’s just so not fun. Because if you standing at top to make sure that the kid is okay. And me standing at the bottom to make sure the kid is okay. Yeah. And it’s no, like you don’t get to do anything fun. And it’s the same. The same thing happened with snow slides. Like okay, you take them to the top. I’ll be waiting at the bottom. Let’s keep this kids safe. Yeah. And Ross didn’t get to do any of the wild stuff we did because we didn’t have any parental parental supervision. I think this is more like snow with parental supervision without delivery guys. It’s no different snow experiences. My mike want to start snowing even now to this day, I text rasa Dunkwa without your gloves. Make sure you wear your gloves. And he’s like, I’m not wearing my gloves. And if he comes over not wearing gloves, I will scold him at 27 years old object. What are you doing? It’s snowing. Okay. You want to get fast by their fingers are blue.
C
Is there snow on the street? Then you can’t drive? Yeah, I don’t like him driving like today. There’s no snow on the street. It’s melting on the street. Yeah. But then I
K
feel like black ice and so today Ross is not driving or going anywhere. Faster staying home because yes, I did test last tax class to stay home actually asked Roscoe to stay home yesterday because it snowed a little bit yesterday. And so we planned everything’s that Rasika stay home today. Yes. So that’s snow with parental supervision and no fun,
C
like snow as it as an old person was a middle aged person. I just wanted to know can I do laundry today?
K
So do you think if you were in Alaska, if we had lived in Alaska that you would have been okay with roster jumping off of the roof, for any reason,
C
I don’t think I would have. I
K
might not because you were just like professing. So we should say like all of the stuff we’re describing. Don’t do it. Like don’t do drugs. Don’t let people don’t take drugs that you don’t know what they are, that can kill you. I was incredibly stupid, incredibly young and incredibly lucky. Don’t ride a snow don’t get on a snow disk, like a round plastic disc at the top of the hill that has forest at the bottom. You can. I was again, incredibly young, incredibly stupid and incredibly lucky. I feel
C
like the relative risk though. Take the snow disc between the
K
two. Don’t do either. There’s no reason to do either. Like both things that I did were incredibly reckless. But here’s the thing. I never did drugs in the snow because I knew that I would get frostbite from when I was young. And I liked the buzz of I like the buzz of getting frostbite. Yeah, don’t don’t get frostbite. There are easier ways to get a buzz.
C
Give me a buzz by the way.
K
It gave me a rush. Yeah, like when I was little I was addicted to danger. We had like this furnace. Great. I told the story before. And we had a heater in the floor and I was like, Don’t step on it. It’ll burn your feet. And I got third degree burns because I stepped on it. And so here’s the thing while you’re damaging your body, it doesn’t usually hurt. It’s when your body realizes it’s been damaged. Yes. So for me, I always felt like the people who were saving me and giving me recovery. Were the ones hurting me like the fire didn’t hurt me. Your reaction to me touching the fire hurt me. Yeah, the Frostbite didn’t hurt me. Your reaction to the Frostbite hurt me? Yeah. Because that’s that’s still like more than the fire. The most mind bending, painful thing I’ve ever experienced or is bad. Yeah, it’s so. So so bad. I’ve have
C
I’ve had frostbite multiple times and it is bad. If
K
flu. It is mind blowingly bad. Like really? Just me holding this ball of snow. Yeah, I’ve
C
never gotten frostbite from holding snow.
K
I told you I they’ve heard me say before we went to cycads like don’t let me touch the snow.
C
Yeah, like the time I got frostbite is because I had been you know, abandoned 10 miles outside of town and I was
K
gonna be like healing clue neglectful parenting story. Yeah, clue tragedy. Yeah, clue. Cue. I can’t talk today.
C
But I think also my my views on child labor have changed and
K
now I’m saying if we have shoveled the snow, right, okay. Would you let roster jump off of the roof and anything because I’m against jumping off of roofs? Like I’ve never jumped off a roof, which is wild. Consider the other things I’ve done with my body. Right. It’s the pitchfork thing. The pitchfork thing really
C
pitchfork in the snow. Yes, I
K
was you. That’s a real risk. Yes. pitchforks are just in the randomness of places. Okay,
C
let me ask you this. But have you ever seen anybody step on a rake and get bumped in the head? I
K
knew you were gonna ask me. The answer’s yes. On a rake is just another pitchfork. It’s a shorter it’s a short pitchfork. Yeah. But I’ve seen lots of people do it and I have been responsible for it and advertently because one of my jobs was to rake the front yard. And I raked the front yard. And then I was sweeping. I had rake the front yard and I had raked. I had done the edger and I had raked up all the edgings and then you have to sweep the sidewalk after you do all of that. So I had put the edger and the rake up at the top right at the front of the gate. Okay, and so they open the gate and before they could even sit cuz it was on the walkway, right? They stepped on it and got slammed in the head. And they got spiked in their feet.
C
So you were seven. Was this funny? No, I wasn’t seven. I was 12 Okay, I knew you were like way too young to be doing yard work.
K
Unpaid yard work otherwise no, I got an allowance. I was paid. It was my chore.
C
Yeah, this is a topic for another fun
K
yeah, we’re against chores Rasta got free money. Yeah, his whole life Ross is like the most loyal person on earth. The most pampered and I could be like over parents eat and over pampered and
C
I could do that because I started working when I was eight
K
I didn’t do that because I started working when I was four or five putting my mother put together PC boards at home.
C
Yeah, so
K
yeah, yeah. Good dancing on our sides. So would you let Ross to play in the snow the way you played in the snow? Yeah,
C
I would let him play in the snow the way I did. But not jumping off the roof. Not jumping off the roof because that to me that wasn’t playing in the snow that was like the reward for shoveling off the snow.
K
So like the end of your high day Yeah. Jump off into the snow cuz that’s how you get off the roof. Right like they took away the ladder because you’re staying up there. A little snotty nose brat until you clean our roof you know way down
C
you agree we don’t have to pay you
K
like my sound way down. I’ll jump.
C
Yeah, exactly like I would I would do this now I get to jump off my first like real job. No, like my fifth real job. I worked at a flooring store and the installers were like, you know, I installed the carpet. I get to have a beer and like should you wait till you get home?
K
I installed the carpet I drank type peaked I had to reinstall that.
C
We had one installer who Berber carpet is 13 and a half feet wide instead of 12 feet wide. So
K
I don’t like Berber carpet. I think it’s industrial carpet and I know people like to put it in apartments because it is industrial.
C
So I was like why does this guy work for us? Like because he’s the best installer like one of the best installers. I’m not gonna say his name even though he’s probably dead because I live.
K
So for Berber Berber cop, a Berber carpet reference that people can globally look up on YouTube is if you look at the TV show The Office, the carpet that they had on that set for the TV show is Berber.
C
Well that’s industrial Berber. So there’s also residential Barbara which the loops are a lot bigger and softer.
K
And then No they’re not. And then there’s some not to me.
C
And then there’s something called cut and loop where it’s a Berber carpet, but some of the loops have been cut open so that has some parts that are straight and not soft. It that is not soft. That is terrible. Yeah.
K
None no Berber. I’ve never stepped on a soft Berber carpet and that it’s bad for the earth. It’s made of plastic.
C
So this guy was an alcoholic. And he he got us up. He got somebody not me because I wouldn’t have done it. Yeah, somebody to load up his van with the carpet. He was already drunk. He drove out to the client’s house. And he couldn’t remember where the keys were supposed to catch. So he drove through the garage door and stopped the carpet. story.
K
I feel so bad for the homeowner. Oh, we had to pay for it. Yeah, but could you imagine coming home? Yeah, that is the biggest What the fuck ever? Like, What in the fuck but your carpets installed? Yes. So carpet installers for me every carpet installer I’ve ever known has had some sort of substance abuse issue. So I don’t know if people who get get into flooring, get a stub, then get a substance abuse issue because how bad it is on the body. It’s really hard on the body to install floors on the
C
body. And I think too big because most installers are paid by area. Yeah. And so the faster you work, the more money you make. So they work
K
really dangerous. It’s a really dangerous job. Those should not go quickly. There was one guy I worked with no more glory stories. I know this story and no, just now,
C
I wasn’t gonna tell the gory part. Made the people curious.
K
Yeah, and they can hear about it on our Patreon if they want to hear it.
C
This is not that story. Okay, this is briefly
K
is this snare related.
C
Well, not really.
K
Where’s Oh, bad, we’re keeping things on track, but
C
pointed out that we’ve been quite good for several weeks. We have
K
been at that point. So like all the snow on our balcony has already melted except for on the very ledge of our balcony. And it’s like the trees are covered. Like you could shake a tree and get snow to fall on you. Yeah, I wouldn’t want to do that. I wouldn’t want to either, but I know people who would, which is odd that I wouldn’t want to either because I could give you like a brain freeze. It could like it could freeze. I’ve never wanted to freeze my face because I’ve always been afraid of losing my nose Nether strange phobia. I have I’m afraid that my nose is just gonna fall off one day
C
like Tyco. Bing
K
is that what it’s called?
C
No, that’s the name of an astronomer who is famous for having a witness
K
See, that’s me just be like really? I believe everything Charles says. I don’t have a phobia of my nose falling off. Yes, like waking up without it. Because it’s fallen off.
C
One of the first things you told me is that I was not allowed to get your nose
K
Yes. I told you like seriously don’t touch my face. What my eyelashes? And don’t get my nose? My three rolls and don’t touch my ears don’t make my ears. Like who’s doing any of these things to my beefs? You’d be surprised how many people want to get your nose. Yeah, you’d be surprised. Like as an adult just living in an adult world, you’d be surprised how many people wanted to get my nose. I don’t know. They’re just doing that other people. Like hit us up on Twitter if you’re an adult. Yeah, people want to get your nose. Because childhood never had that experience I had not. So I’m like, I want
C
enormous nose. So like, why wouldn’t you want to get this? What is wrong with me that you don’t want to get this?
K
So that was our digression and sort of talking about snow. So to wrap it up, snow is different everywhere. Like California snow is different than Australia. Snow is different than Hokkaido, snow is different than Nagoya snow is snow is different everywhere. I think that’s really cool. Yes, that’s now it’s different all around the world. So if you want to go like on a Snore, snore on a snow tour, I totally support you. And not every plant financially, but emotionally.
C
Not every place has snow, but every continent has snow.
K
Yes. And if you want to know about whatever we’re talking about on the pitch chunks, I can’t remember the topic because I have to pull it up. But we’ll be talking about something cool falls on Africa. Something Yeah, it’d be interesting,
C
so it’d be even cooler than snow.
K
Yes, it will be. Thanks for listening. I’ll talk to you next week. Bye. Bye.
K
So lately I’ve been thinking about seasonal surprises in
C
Surprise.
K
In the U.S. versus Japan because the holidays just passed like a few weeks ago, like one week ago. I don’t know the holiday seasons are different in Japan and the United States. So I’m on vacation from my day job anymore. There you go. That’s a good way to sum up my confusion about the holiday because we’re in three time zones for holidays. Australia, the US and Japan. So for me this year, like major if y’all follow us on Twitter, you know, I love me some raspberries. And this year we had winter berries, which is so exciting, but also horrific because of climate change and all of that. But we had a warm snap this winter. So the entire month of December, we had winter berries, which are bonus berries, and we don’t get them every year. But then it snowed in December and snowing again in January, which is a little bit earlier than when it snows it usually was snow at the end of January, beginning of February. So we had two winter surprises. I was like really jazzed about this year.
C
Yeah, we’ve had years where it snows in December and then continuously February, we had one year where it snowed for about 10 minutes. February and that was it. Yeah. So we’ve had different with different winters. This is a particularly snowy one for Nagoya.
K
Yeah. And that’s exciting to me. That it’s been a very snowy Christmas life. Like that’s all wonderful winter surprise, and the snow doesn’t last more than a day or two. It’s not like we’re having continuous snow for weeks and weeks and weeks. But if y’all know how much I love snow you listen last week and I was like yeah
C
I love it so much. I want it to love me back.
K
Yes, I do. This year doesn’t seem like you’ve partaken in any winter surprises or what special winter availability of things?
C
I don’t think I have I think I’ve pretty much got my regular things. Yeah, I eat a lot of packaged foods and such because food prep takes a long time. And I get achy when I do it. So
K
yeah. And I eat the same thing on repeat. So I’ll go on what we call tears. And I’ll eat like right now I’m on pepperoni tear. Because I have hereditary corporate porphyria. And that really strongly dictates what I eat. I need protein in a certain amount of time, that after a while, if I eat too much protein, it starts to make me sick. So I really have to listen to whatever my food is. My body is craving. And right now it’s craving protein, fat, and salt. And so hello pepperoni. Has all of those things. Okay. pepperoni and cheese toast? What is the best ever? So I’m basically living off pepperoni and cheese, toast and apples. And that’s all I eat. But I eat a lot of it because, you know, I have to stay fluffy. Thank you. I like being fluffy. big and fluffy. It’s a decision. And I love it. I love I have a big round pot belly. And I just love it and you have a pot belly and I just love it. I think pot bellies are so sexy.
C
Yeah, we’re watching a show. And you’re like, look at that. It’s not as good as yours, though.
K
Yeah, we’re watching forgemasters or something
C
forged in fire their sub series like
K
fortune, or something or die.
C
Yeah. Where they compete with these.
K
They’re not paying us for and they’re not sponsoring. So we don’t have to get their name, right. No. But if you want to, like, have a paid spot up in the gig, we’ll say your stuff right and promote you. Well, here’s the 100 bucks. Yes. You got to put it out there. You got to put it about if you’re valuable. And people will not know that you’re available if you don’t put it about. Okay.
C
So if you’re listening like if you’re listening, it does. Either one of you. Hit us up.
K
Yeah. Anyone? I don’t care what it is. I have like no morals when it comes to advertising. I will say it’s sponsored. I’ll say it’s advertising then you make your best choices for yourself. That’s not on me.
C
I’m not endorsing this. I’m just endorsing that check. Right
K
holla but if someone wants an endorsement, they have to let us try whatever it is. Yeah. Because we did have like so this is a strange digression, but it was such a strange interaction that I have to talk about it. So this mattress company sent me an article on how sleep affects mental health. And could I? Could I promote their mattresses on my website for adjustment guidance? Right, yeah. And to my clients, and I said, Sure, I’m completely open to putting this as a blog post and promoting it, but you would need to pay me. Right. And they were like, no, but there’s mental health benefits. And that should be enough for you. And I’m like, not really, I can talk about the mental health benefits of sleep without promoting your mattress. Yes. And their article wasn’t 100% Correct. And it wasn’t peer reviewed. And because it was talking about their mattress, and so I thought it would be a great blog post. I’m not gonna put them, like forever on my website. And I don’t do banner ads. So there are people that have paid blog posts on my website. Right. But, you know, it is what it if I’m willing to put an advertisement on anything,
C
right, that if you’re going to do all of that, like, you’ve got to trust that the thing is real. Yeah. And also that you’re not going to regret it. Like, you’re not gonna tell, tell a lie. Now. So if you don’t know, you don’t know. Yeah, I saw a lot of problems with conflicts of interest when I was editing full time, where they’d be like, okay, yes, we’ve gotten a million dollars in funding from this pharmaceutical company, but there’s no conflict of interest and reporting how great their results are.
K
Yeah, so we don’t have any conflicts of interest. Because we just get on here and ramble and talk about any old thing. Yes, but we will be honest about whatever. So I mean, think about that, but 100 bucks, come on. 100 bucks med roll. Get out of here. That’s
C
what the lingo
K
so mid role is after the introduction, and at and before the outro. So we have our standard intro. And then we talk.
C
Yeah, I’m not sure if we’re doing that anymore. Because our editor, our sound editor, I don’t know if they’re putting the intro on. I think at this point, people are just like, we know what you are. Just good.
K
Yeah. So we start with standard intro and outro. I don’t think we’re using anymore, because we’re so awesome that we check these kinds of things. But yeah, because our patrons has helped us get a sound editor and help Tonkin your mic. And so we’re fancy now. Thank you for helping us be fancy. There’s still other things that we need. Like we need the chairs,
C
right? We’re still fancy that if I eat after this, it’s a fancy feast
K
was brings us back to season stuff. Because Hello. I feel fancy when I eat raspberries.
C
You do feel fancy when he raspberries. So it’s really kind of
K
twisted and messed up, though. Why I love raspberries. So I kind of have to share that. Okay, yeah, I’m gonna show it and don’t judge me. This is our this is a safe space by
C
any of you out there are members of the fake kingdom.
K
There might be Fay who follow us. Yeah. And they might be upset by this. And so won’t trigger warning if you’re a Fae. So for me when I was really little, there was a blackberry bush and a raspberry bush and a bunch of kids. And I was the one kid who didn’t mind getting scratched up. But I would eat them all myself, like I want to share. And one of the older kids was really great at telling me stories. I loved it. And so she was like, I’ll tell you a story. And I’ll tell you where raspberries come from. If you bring me some and I said, Okay, what about the blackberries, I want to know blackberries come from Tim. So we have to bring me raspberries and blackberries every day to get more of the story. And basically what the story was, is that raspberries grow out of fairies and their fairy dresses and so they shed them and get a new dress basically like hermit crabs that get different shells. Yeah. And it was very just male, female. There weren’t any witnesses like in the 70s we were not woke. And so girl fairies did raspberries. And boy fairies did blackberries because it was so gendered that the smaller raspberries came from more petite girls and the blackberries came from bigger guys. And so for me, I was thinking I was eating fairy clothes. And we ate so much that when it was done, the owner of the bushes got mad that we ate all the berries. And the girl told me no, no, don’t worry, they’ll they’ll revoke grow clothes are just mad because all the fairies naked. And they’re against nudity because I was raised nudist so that I wouldn’t take it personally get upset and I was like, Okay, you’re having a meltdown because the fairies are neatest. Like how horrible Are you? They want us To eat their clothes, were freeing them. So I was a freedom fighter for fairies. Okay, and they’re really in my mind and my little brain. Yeah. I was like four or five.
C
So and where did the grapes fit in?
K
I guess six, six. At that point in time we weren’t eating grapes because that was during during the
C
Cesar Chavez led Yeah. strikes, boycotts. Yeah.
K
So be meat breaks.
C
Okay. I knew that. I was just verifying.
K
Yeah, that was gonna support the farmworkers and didn’t eat grapes. So for me, food has always been, I’ve always been a difficult picky eater. And my whole life, people have told me really fun stories about food to get me to eat it. And if a food has a great story that’s happy and upbeat, and serves a social justice cause I’m more likely to eat it. Or if it has some fantastical origins, like broccoli being miniature trees that God made just for me. I was like, okay, even though we were atheist that was really meaningful to me. Yeah. That. So I when I was young, I think I was more agnostic and open to there being a god.
C
And it’s weird how the narrative has changed because now the narrative would be broccolis are genetic engineered abominations.
K
Yeah, they’re GMO, but they were. They were developed just for me,
C
right? They were like, we have some cauliflower. We have some brussels sprouts kiss for loves both. What if we put them into one plant?
K
Thank you. And that’s exactly how my mother explained it to me. And I was like, That makes so sense. That makes so much sense. Because I love brussel sprouts, because you can put them into things and cook them till they dissolve. Yes. And that to me is so yummy. You have like this. No one can figure out what the flavor is. But they really enjoy it even you even I don’t like brussel sprouts. But when I cook them down, and they disappear, you don’t have to manage them. And like this is just a really great flavor.
C
Yeah, my mom was a super picky eater. So if she didn’t like it, she wouldn’t cook it. And nobody else could cook anything in our household. So it was always like until she died. It was always whatever she could. So I had brussel sprouts for the first time when I was like 17. And they’re pretty gross. And then I had them so often that I got used to them. And then you showed me that they could actually taste good. And I was like, huh, I thought they could just only be tolerable. There are other things like okra when I was seven or eight. We lived in Tempe Arizona for a summer and had fresh okra. So I was like, Okay, I know ochre can taste good.
K
I love Japan has turned me on to Oak right and mess with okra in the United States. That’s
C
why I’m saying it because I knew that you weren’t a fan of okra.
K
I don’t like Southern Style oak traditions. But I do enjoy Japanese okra dishes. I love the way that the Japanese handle and blend okra like the Japanese will take okra and sweet potatoes and make like a thin. And it’s interesting because I don’t usually like sort of mucousy textures I think of it. Yeah. And no man you
C
describe it that way because you don’t like it. Yeah. And so the thing it’s viscous.
K
Yeah. And so for one of the winter vegetables special is okra and sweet potatoes made into this sort of like, almost a paste with okra rings and sweet diced sweet potatoes and, and it is so tasty. It’s so good. It’s fabulous over rice. It’s fabulous. And curry. It’s fabulous. I don’t do it as a side dish. And I don’t do it in pasta, but it is fabulous. On top of me. Like to put it on top of some chicken. It’s so good. Oh my gosh, I’m getting so hungry. So that was like another release.
C
Seasonal surprise.
K
Yeah, a really wonderful winter surprise is I never know from the curry place what the winter vegetables going to be. Yeah. And I’d love it. I wait all year round for the winter vegetable. And I’m like hoping dice Caboolture dice kokoshnik like finally dice small portions of culture, which I love. But if I get cabbage I eat too much of it. Yeah. Which is y’all know, Japanese pumpkin is so tasty. I find Japanese vegetables are more tasty than tastier and smaller than California vegetables.
C
And I think this is like I’ve been thinking about this with all these things coming in unexpectedly. I think that these are excess produce, like if they have a bumper harvest from yeah thing. Don’t make an ice cream flavor. Like there are a lot of years we get like a sweet potato ice cream or like different vegetables, flavored ice creams. And I think in the United States, the same thing happens. It’s just more subtle. They’ll just use like the extra sweet potatoes if that’s the extra crop. They’ll just like extract all the starches and render it into chemicals that they use. Another things without it being the primary flavor. Yeah, here it becomes the primary flavor that like, Okay, we have a lot more of whatever crop than we’re anticipating. So that’s going to be the flavor of ice cream and also the flavor of mochi and also the flavor. Potato chips and also the flavor of drinks and
K
yeah, it’s your winter flavor. Yeah. So I I love the the seasonal flavors. Something I’ve noticed in at least in California cuz I kind of pay attention I was I pay more attention to what’s going on in California than any other states. I can’t really speak about other states. But in California, I’m really bummed that like eggnog and peppermint candy canes, not the round peppermint that’s available all year through Brock’s again, not a paid sponsored ad Brock.
C
Brock star like memes. Yes.
K
And, um, I feel like candy canes been available all year round eggnog being available all the way all year round. And like the orange, the chocolate orange and the chocolate raspberry.
C
Yes. You know, those have been non seasonal for a long time because I think they were non seasonal
K
before we land. Right. Right. And that was a bummer to me because it felt I don’t know it felt like it was making the holiday more watered down. Yeah, because like pumpkin pie you can get it all year round. And sweet potato pie you can get all like ever there I don’t can’t think of and hit us up on Twitter if I’m completely wrong. And there are still things you can only get during the holidays. I think there are things that people only make which is something different that is something then you can only get
C
you know what I wish there would be an extra harvest of that apparently never happens in Japan is new get like how are the new get farms not? Because, you know, I’m a huge fan of like the nougat with the dried fruit in it. Yeah. But apparently nougat farms are not popular here in
K
Japan. Because what can you ever had nougat here?
C
No, I haven’t.
K
I haven’t I don’t think I’ve ever seen negate No, I saw nougat I would get you some say know how much you love nougat. Yeah. There’s tons of dried fruit. Yes, a fight. There’s all of the components except the nugget. Yes. There’s like fruit with dried candy. Right? Like they know how to combine dry candy in Japan know how to know how to do it. But it’s just there’s no nugget. Yeah, and just like, Yes, I think is disgusting. By the way. I don’t get your love of Nigut and I support it. I don’t have to get it to support you because I love you. Thank you. And I’m an awesome, awesome spouse you are today I’m an awesome spouse the other day I was a bad spouse. Like it varies on my mood whether or not I think I’m an awesome spouse in no relation to how you feel about my spouse, Frankie,
C
my spouse doesn’t like nougat but lets me eat it 10 out of 10
K
Hashtag relationship goals. Was there anything seasonal that happened that you enjoy? Because I we discovered a bunch of new restaurants. But that was just me going out into the world and not having been out of the house? And 18 months? Yeah, almost two years. I think we’re at 19 months when I went out to December 22 months, 22 months in December. Okay. They’re not going out of the house except for doctors and hospital visits. And the dentist for 22 months. Like all of downtown the downtown area not ecchi my not near Nagoya station, but in Sakai, which is I think of proper downtown. Like industrial to me.
C
Yeah. So they’re both Central Business District and Sokka is the retail district.
K
Yes. So for me downtown is the retail district. Right? That’s
C
industrial, like there is retail stuff there for the people who work in office buildings.
K
A lot of hotels too. Right? Right. So there’s just tons of like, all of these great restaurants that are opened up that are like, really cute. And for me, my experience was it was a winter surprise. Yeah. And so these 25 new restaurants are an amazing winter surprise. And now we have like for the next three years restaurants to try. Because if I try a restaurant and like it, I want it that’s the restaurant I want to go to for going to that area. And then I’ll have a mood shift where I’m like I’m sick of this restaurant I want to break up with this restaurant. And there’s another one so there’s like a rotisserie restaurant, camping outdoor restaurant where you can actually go and eat intense which I think is super cute. But I don’t know how the food is but I want the super cute experience the
C
food is intense.
K
And like the rotisserie plays I’m not a huge chicken or rotisserie chicken fan. Yeah, but you love a good rotisserie chicken. So you think this because when anytime you go to So normally you would have the rotisserie chicken
C
and theirs was really good. And it was a meal for two and I was like, well, you split this with me and you’d say, Yes, I’ll split that with you, but I’m gonna be super picky and eat all your white meat so you better eat the other parts. Yeah, like it’s not mine. We’re splitting it now. It’s your it’s it’s your chicken until I take the white meat and then that’s my whitening.
K
If you want to eat chicken with me, I only eat chicken breast. Exactly. That’s I could never be on hot ones. Not and I’m not famous.
C
See if I went on hot ones. Again, not famous. I do the vegan wings. I’m not vegan, but the vegan wing sound good?
K
Yeah, the vegan ones like delicious. The other ones. Like even Gordon Ramsay was like, these wings are crap.
C
I’ve never been a fan of wings.
K
I’ve never been I’ve never eaten a lean. I don’t like the concept of it. I don’t like the way they look. I don’t like the shape. I don’t know what kind of meat that is.
C
Okay, see, I think this is an area where as far as eating wings, I think I’m a technical virgin. Like I’ve tried to eat them, but I just didn’t quite get in there.
K
Yeah, and there’s a wing. There’s like a famous super famous swing shop here in Japan. Japan does wings.
C
Oh, yeah. I’ve had that. So that’s okay, so then you’ve had chicken wings. That’s called heavy Aki. It’s a particular style of preparing them. But it’s chicken wings, chicken wings. So yes, I’ve had chicken wings, because that was all anybody at the university wanted to eat. Like the after workshops and things. If we had a guest speaker we’d take them out to dinner. I’m kind of collectively paid for them and then everybody else pays for themselves. Yeah. And everybody just always want to go this place that the only two things they serve are chicken wings and beer. Yeah, I’m like, Okay, there’s not a lot for me here but I guess I’ll eat some chicken wings.
K
And I think tn on firstly, face again, not sponsored. Yes. I’m Hawking for sponsors. Yes, I’d love for the podcast to break even. I’d love for it to make some money. I’m not shy. I’m not shame closed mouth. Don’t get fed. I’m hungry.
C
Okay. You think I need this mic for anything else? I don’t I just have a gamer headset that I use for all my meetings at work.
K
Thank you use a mix of chicken wings and drumsticks. Yeah, I’ve seen a couple of drumsticks I’m like, that’s a drumstick. That’s my chicken wing. But whatever. I digress. So seasonal stuff. And Japan beyond clothing. I mean, beyond food. I don’t know why I don’t do clothes. So I do wear clothes when I go out. I don’t do clothes at home. I do jammies, which are kind of clothes like this. And you
C
don’t do seasonal clothing. You’re not like ooh, this season’s clothes. I have to get some.
K
Yeah, no. And if you follow us on Twitter, you know in December, I was racking everyone over clothes,
C
because like 20 years ago, you were doing bags, you’re like, I want to get some of this season’s bags. Not all of them. Just a couple. But you still have those. So,
K
yes. And I don’t have a large bag collection. No, you don’t. You’ve got like six. And more than that have about 20 or 30 bags. Okay, that’s my consider large bag collection. No. And I do still carry them. So I find them Fashionable, fashionable, I do have a favorite. But I do carry carry the other bags, and backpacks and such. So the seasonal thing that I didn’t partake of this year in December was the eliminations. And I feel like that’s something that’s still is parallel to the US where everything’s illuminated and lit up. And all of that.
C
I find that interesting because most of the illuminations are free but there are like dedicated you have to pay to get in illuminations parks that will be up
K
in the Wisteria illuminations is I’ve seen pictures of it I’ve never been. It’s just so looks so stunning to me that it has an overhang of Wisteria and the Wisteria hangs down and it’s all lit up and it just looks absolutely stunning. But I’ve never gone there
C
yet, but Ross has gone on a few dates to the various illumination plays. Yes. And so those are paid. And I find it interesting that in the US like you get your Christmas lights for free cuz everybody’s putting them up. And you could go see an IMAX show or like something for this.
K
I think we were super spoiled in San Jose because San Jose like Nagoya had the super long park that just ran the length of the downtown area and they would turn it into winter village every year. Yeah, I
C
remember going and getting that kind of thing.
K
Yeah, that one end was the North Pole was Santa.
C
Yeah, which having been to Santa is workshop in North Pole. It was not an accurate recreation.
K
Being Santa. Sorry, I had out your Santa
C
seat. Now we’re gonna have to scrub this this video and everybody who protect Everybody who ever mentions that I’m sad that you’re on the naughty list
K
I do miss the open air free winter parks. Because in Japan, they don’t do any sort of open air Park in Central Park in Sockeye. And it’s very sectional although now a cool winter surprise, I don’t think would have been. I don’t think it’s technically a winter surprise is that now they have it divided by sections. And they have a bus that just drives around in a loop around Central Park. Yeah, in Sockeye and so you can just get off at your number. And just get back on I don’t know how much it cost because I just walked it. Yeah. I didn’t walk the whole thing of
C
it might even be free. It might be like the Vegas walkway where? Yeah, I
K
don’t know. It was there was several maps they completely did. From the only part that I saw was from like Oasis 21. To the telecaller. Yeah. And I saw like the end of the Telugu towers in the center of what I consider one of the blocks that they use the talebi tower, the TV tower, the Nagoya TV tower to divide it into, yeah, which I thought was really was really interesting.
C
A lot of places here, if you rent or buy, then you have to pay a neighborhood fee, which is kind of like a homeowner’s association, except it’s not. Like there aren’t any messed up covenants or anything like that US has.
K
Yeah, I think in a couple of weeks, we’ll be doing a whole podcast on moving in Japan. Yeah. So I don’t want to step on that part. Okay. But my
C
point is, I think when you rent an office, and a lot of those spaces, that fee is included, and it pays for things like that bus, or in azmol. It paid for the statutes like the and the association Commission’s these services that increase the value to the businesses around them. So I’m saying I think that bus is probably free. If it’s just a circle, the park bus?
K
Yeah, you have no interest in the bus. So you have no information. You’ve never seen it. You didn’t look at it.
C
Other people are hearing like how good I am at guessing things.
K
Yes, hearing him predicting. You are psychic friend.
C
I’m not psychic. I’m
K
analytical. Okay, yeah, you are analytical from analyzing
C
what the position of the stars will affect. So how
K
did you feel this winter break? Because you had like three weeks off? Yeah. Were there any winter surprises for you besides the December snow?
C
I don’t think so. So I had more time off this year than last year. But I’ve been at my company for three winter breaks now. Yeah. And so it’s not a surprise to have one. And then before that I had taken a year off. And so I’d had like an entire year of have no obligations. I’d still done some editing work on the site and various things. But this year was really busy at work. So I felt like the first week was just recovery, like, okay, drove myself super hard. And then the second week, I did some cinnabar moth stuff. I played, you know, some video games, I did some editing, I did some podcast stuff. And then the third week was just like bonus time, because the company decided to come back a week later than usual. So I guess I felt like some of it was bonus time.
K
For me, there were some negative Christmas surprises or winter break surprises. And that was everything crashed for my school’s website. Oh, yeah. Well, I was in the midst of doing my analysis. So my analysis were not done on the school’s platform. But I couldn’t report anything. Right. And that was really frustrating for my chair, my PhD chair. Yeah, you
C
have an academic license for SPSS through your university. Yeah. And I think you, you mentioned this, because when I did my masters, because for doing PhD, not masters masters already done. When I did my masters, all the all the staff software was only available by using the university servers I had like login to a virtual desktop. And so if they that crash, I couldn’t work on it at all. Whereas you you worked on your analyses, but you couldn’t upload them to get the feedback from your methodologist
K
No, you’re wrong. You don’t know. You’re, you’re like saying a completely wrong thing. Okay. But I’m thank you for sharing your experience. Thank you. Yes. So it’s interesting to me, because you’re sitting right next to me and helping me with all of these things, but it seemed to have no memory of the event.
C
And that’s that’s often true and I work like the other day I was editing and you asked me how Was it? I don’t know. It wasn’t that I didn’t have an opinion is that I have no recollection of that.
K
Yeah. So when, and we’re going to talk about why you don’t read the cinnabar. Moth books and the tape too. Yeah. So. So here’s the thing with Chad, I really don’t like telling you what we’re going to record in the future, or even the take to because then you’re like, excited and you want to talk about it during the made episode.
C
I won’t talk about it now. Please don’t.
K
It’s the take till Okay. Help me out here. Yes, I’m the creative person behind this app to think of all of these topics. It’s challenging.
C
Okay. It’s hard. You’re the engine?
K
I am. I’ll
C
stop trying to be the nozzle.
K
Now it’s like Satan is my moto. So does that make me Satan? It’s a cake song. Yeah, it is one of your favorite songs.
C
Yeah, they have the one lyric that they got totally wrong. But other than
K
that, share the lyrics with the folks well they
C
have one about internal combustion power and a Satan is your motor. It should be infernal combustion power is just like one consonant different. But it would have been a much more popular song.
K
That’s the reason nobody likes it. I think it was a popular thing. It was one of their chart toppers. No, I don’t think it was one of their singles. Right. But in terms of being part of the of that, that album, I don’t remember which album it is, again, cakes not sponsoring us.
C
I think that’s motorcade of generosity. But I’m not sure.
K
I think so too. And for those that may not know, cake is the name of the band. Yeah. And they’re one of our favorite bands. So it was
C
one of the bands that we’re both like, you like cake. Nobody likes cake. Yeah.
K
It was before cake was really popular.
C
Yeah. Only fashion nugget was out. Yeah, first.
K
And so like, I think it was we were ahead of the curve on the second album. Yes. I mean, like, we, you might get all like the entire album. You’re not just listening to this one song over and over again. Yeah, I’m not just listening to the single Yeah, we’re not just listening to the distance over and over again. So yeah, that was that was really fun. So some of the negative so talking about my PhD, the negative surprises my PhD, is they use a system called Blackboard. And that’s the classroom. And anytime I achieve a milestone, or meet a goal or target, I have to upload documentation of that to something called groups. And my chair gets really frustrated, if I email them something that hasn’t already been uploaded to groups, and they send me emails back. Don’t forget to upload this to groups. Even if I include when Blackboard is up and running again, I will upload this to groups, which is a pet peeve of mine. So it idiosyncratic of me that I hate the reminder and idiosyncratic of them that they hate that I didn’t do it. Right, and that they need it done. They need it done. They need it done. And I think because so many people don’t document their process, but I’m on top of my documentation. Yes, you are. And I don’t like being treated like I’m not. And so it’s personally offensive to me when it shouldn’t be this is just the way that they communicate. So I found it really frustrating because they like, Have you contacted tech support this, that and the other and I’m like, tech support on vacation.
C
Yes, there is no time for it is like you shouldn’t be doing this right now. We don’t care that it’s broken.
K
Right? It’s going to be broken until the breaks over but and
C
this is Blackboard tech support. It’s not even your universities because your university pays Blackboard to host these things.
K
Yes. And then on top of that, there were two days that both my chair and coach did not have access to their email. Right. And I have, I had a stats question that stopped my research in its tracks on December 24. And I was just so upset as someone who doesn’t celebrate Christmas, right? It pisses me off to no end, that people can’t do things on the 22nd through the fourth, that makes no sense. I get that people need downtime and time off. It just really bothers me that this is the particular time because I never take it off. Yeah, I’m really selfish that way. I’m just being selfish.
C
I think that’s kind of like, sad.
K
I think everybody deserves a week off at the end of the year.
C
I think so too. Or at some point. I think that’s one of the things that was
K
I gave everybody as cinnabar moth, two weeks off. So like, I’m not hypocritical because I don’t benefit from this. But it’s ironic that as a boss, I’m doing the thing that irritates everyone else and subjecting our authors to that because authors contacted me and said, Hey, this Saturday the other and unlike the teams on break, you know, like, oh, I wasn’t expecting anything. So after the first anyways, and I’m like, but you were okay. But I’m still doing stuff like I’m still working on. I still did stuff rather, I worked on the taxes and I work bike, and I’m still working on the taxes, like doing all of our interfere accounting, I work the entire time, I took maybe one or two days off my normal.
C
Yeah. Like every three months, we’ll take a day off.
K
So I wish that the world function in sync with me.
C
Yeah, but they were working when you needed them to be working, and otherwise you don’t care? Yeah, I think this is one of the strongest articulate arguments against simulation theory. Like the idea that this is just a simulation is that the world is not convenient to you? And who would program a simulation in which the world was not convenient to you?
K
Maybe the programmer, maybe they’re making it convenient to them. But if they’re not in the sun, why would they care? Right, in the simulation? Are the programmers in the simulation?
C
No, they’re not.
K
Okay, that makes no sense to me, then.
C
Yeah, it’s a whole thing. And most of the proponents of it don’t have a point. So like, I know what simulation theory is about, because somebody I work with is very into it. I am not.
K
So in talking about your work, I think that how everyone left you alone during the break was a nice window of surprise for you. Yeah,
C
I logged into my email, because I needed to get to my other email, and for ease of use. So all of my emails are through Google. Again, not a paid ad, which has drawbacks, but on benefits. So I logged into my Gmail, I was like, here’s your work email. And I only got one email. And it was an automated one from a service. Like literally, nobody emailed me over vacation. And I appreciated that because as i Okay, here, if you want something right away, send me a message on Slack. If I’m around, I’ll get it. I haven’t been on Slack, the entire vacation. And then if you need something, but it’s not urgent, email me, and nobody emailed me. And if you need something super urgently call my phone. Nobody called my phone. So I appreciate that. Because I’ve worked other places where they’re like Scheffer business, nobody’s supposed to be working. And somebody is secretly working and calls me up with an emergency because they broke something like, Yeah, this is why I asked you not to work.
K
So how much chat I got was a nice winter surprise for me, because we’re able to go on several dates. Yes. And 20 months of no dates is a lot. Yes. So we did. We did date some, but it wasn’t the same as being able to go out together and enjoy things together and be together. And that was really nice being out in the world with you.
C
Yeah. And we’re still very cautious going out even though Japan is right now. Very low.
K
Yeah. So we’re so sanitize wear face masks. Yeah. Even though we’re Bakst.
C
Yes. It’s not at all things have returned to normal. Like, okay, but we’re both, you know, disabled chronically ill. So normal is staying in for long periods of time. But, yeah, yeah, it was very nice to go out.
K
So for me being able to go out was a really awesome winter surprise for me, because I didn’t think that we would be able to go out this December. And I didn’t feel safe enough to go to a hotel like we normally do in December.
C
We normally plan that back, like in September. So yeah. And then that was when there was the post election post Olympics bump. So when we looked at planning that things were looking bad.
K
Yeah. And scary. Yeah. And so, like, I feel really comfortable and confident going out in safe ways. And for me, that’s wearing a mask sanitizing my hand. I don’t just wash my hands, I sanitize and wash. And it felt really good to see everybody else masked up. Yeah, so in Japan, there’s not closely in Japan we wear masks anyways.
C
Yeah, it’s common to wear master in the winter. And it’s considered impolite to not to not wear a mask if you are sick.
K
Yes. So there’s a culture of mask wearing already here in Japan. So I think telling people to wear a mask. It’s not a big deal. And I was surprised because, okay, in the summer getting people to wear masks is hard because it’s so hot. So in August, people weren’t doing as well, so unsure how it was going to be in December. And I was really pleasantly surprised. Because I was out a lot in December for me and out to random places and everybody was masked up, I didn’t see anybody without a mask. And that was quite reassuring. I did see people in places of business, like take their masks off. And of course, at restaurants, you would take the mask off. But people weren’t sitting close together, there was like, distancing, all the tables were set distance and stuff. So it was nice to me that we could go out and be safe and not be crowded or worried.
C
Now, I remember in the early 80s 1980s, for those of you weren’t alive in the 80s, that backlash against seatbelt laws. Yeah, I remember it too. And it feels very much like that people were like, the seatbelt is crashing my organs. Did you know that seatbelts are associated with greater rates of organ failure and infertility? And like, just all of these things, and now it’s Did you know that masks are associated with hypoxia? And like, no, they’re not surgeons wear them all the time?
K
Yeah. And I feel that’s what’s going on in the US. And I, I was really surprised that in the US, everything was 100%. Even with everything that’s going on in the US. The negative Lennar surprise for me was how everyone carried on as if the pandemic was over. And in December, the US had the highest infection rate of any country in the world. Yeah, the world like the US is doing horrible.
C
It was so high that on Christmas on the 24th, there were like 200, flights canceled because the airlines were like, it’s not safe enough to fly.
K
Yeah. So that was a trip to me watching like the chaos in the US, and then talking to people in the US that it didn’t feel chaotic. It felt like the normal holiday, crunch, and strangeness and oddities. And for me, again, being on the outside looking in, it felt very hectic and chaotic. And I think that’s a winter surprised I really like about Japan is that everything slows way down. And I feel like in the US, everything speeds up and goes really fast. And I’ve never enjoyed that about December. That mix of we can’t do anything except revel. Right? We will revel in the holiday season and it just felt so high pressure to be a reveler and to be in contact with family. And like there’s just felt like there was a lot of expectations. Whereas in Japan, because I’m counterculture, I don’t have there’s no expectations of me. And I don’t have any family except for you in Moscow. So there’s no familial pressure.
C
You know, in the US when I had a blue collar job, I didn’t feel like there was any extra pressure around the holiday to do extra.
K
I felt like there was.
C
But then when I got a white collar job, I felt like, Okay, this Christmas, break this, and then they’d be like, it’s a holiday break. We’re not saying Christmas, because we don’t want to get sued. And like, nobody is suing you for saying that. Stop it. Yeah. But it felt like they’d say, Okay, we’re going to have a one week break. So you should do an extra week of work before and an extra week of work after that. Just pack it into a regular week. Yes. And something that’s been nice to me is that I haven’t felt that pressure in either Japanese companies or the Australian company I’m working for now.
K
I think it’s different when you own your own company.
C
That’s I’m saying I think it depends on industry and situation and all of that. I don’t think it’s a universal even by country.
K
I agree. So if you had to highlight your biggest winter surprise, what would it be?
C
How relaxing my vacation was? I feel like last year and the year before even I had a vacation. It was not as relaxing.
K
Mine is so it feels so trivial now. Okay. Just like his berries, winter berries. That’s a big thing. Yeah, raspberries in December. And they’re grown in Nagaya. So they’re locally sourced locally grown from the farmers here the strawberries and raspberries that I eat and say and they say it on the package. Make sure to get the my boys strawberries and they’re so yummy. They’re just so good. And I love them. I just love them. And so it’s the highlight. And then of course, seeing you relax was really beautiful too.
C
Thanks for throwing that in.
K
Berries and then seen my beautiful husband relaxed because I had my priorities together. I was very relaxed Now we’re very relaxed. On that note, if you want to keep chillin with us, you can follow us on over to the take t. And we want to thank everyone who Mike is keeping us in the top 10 on player FM, we’re just solidly every week in the top 10. And I’m so excited. Because every now and then we bump up to the top five, and I’m really striving I’m hoping and play 22 commands to be top five of our podcasts about Japan. That would be super exciting. That would be that’d be super, super exciting, super, super thrilling. And I’m like, yeah, yes, but we can only do that with your help. And we’re only maintaining what we have now and climbing the charts and everything because of all of our beautiful music notes. Thank you so much for listening every week. And if you’re part of the Patreon, you can follow us on over to Patreon and which we’re talking about. I don’t even think we’re talking about why Chad doesn’t read the books are talking now. We’re talking about frustration with authors not promoting their books. Okay, yeah. Under my No, that’s not it either. Okay. Oh, no, that that is it. Oh, my gosh, follow us on over to the take to to find out. We’ll sort
C
it out before we start there.
K
Have a good week. Thank you. Talk to you next week. Bye bye.
K
So lately I’ve been thinking about goal setting in Japan versus goal setting in the United States, because we’re – it’s almost New Year’s Eve.
C
I was wondering, I was like you’ve been talking about goal setting a lot. Why is she so obsessed with setting goals right now?
K
I wasn’t the last episode, I wasn’t talking about goal setting. Last episode I was talking about
C
You and I talk beyond the podcast. I know that will surprise some of our listeners.
K
Yeah. So I don’t do goal setting at – I’ve talked about before, I don’t do goal setting at New Years. But I want to talk about Japanese goal setting. And so I feel like Japanese goal setting is more – is simultaneously more aggressive and more accepting with less pressure.
C
Right.
K
And that seems like it’s a weird combination. How would you describe it?
C
I would describe it in terms of referencing Japanese language. Like in English, we say thank you for like your work.
K
Yeah.
C
If somebody leaves for the day. In Japanese, it’s called Scott. It’s Ahmed esta, which is thank you for your effort.
K
Yeah.
C
And I feel like in Japan, it is the effort that is valued. More so than the outcome. And that’s good and bad. There are negatives to that, too. It’s just different.
K
So in Japan, I like it, because I can tell my Japanese friends, what my plans are. And as long as I’m working a plan, I’m seen as successful. Whereas my American friends, I can’t tell them my plans. Because if I don’t succeed, or make it come out exactly as they think it should. I’m a failure.
C
Right? So again, I’m thinking in terms of language like English, it’s like, good luck, or like, bomb songs in French or feud look in German. And then Japanese. It’s ganbatte ne, which is, try hard, right?
K
Yeah. Work hard.
C
Yeah. So it’s not saying as a matter of having good fortune, it’s a matter of work hard. So I feel like the outcome is a lot less valued in Japan.
K
I feel like there’s Japanese support is very aggressive. And you’re being aggressively supported. And I’ve talked on the podcast before where I don’t like the combat the mindset, but it is actually, like, I’ve done a one ad in the past two years. And I think losing my practice, and starting over again, right, and seeing the way that my Japanese friends react to it, versus the way that my American friends react to it. My Japanese friends react to it like every new beginning as some other beginnings end to, quote, the famous song. And the Americans act like it’s a huge tragic tragedy, and they will not hear that COVID didn’t destroy my business, right? They want it to be the same situation that they’re going to they’re looking for similarities, where to connect, whereas my Japanese friends are like, this is your path, not mine. And I think it’s, and I had one Japanese friend, say, Thank you for not telling me when it was tragic. Thank you for telling me once you had succeeded,
C
once you’re ready to pick yourself back up, I think is more like the attitude is that that’s the success.
K
Yes, that doesn’t translate what’s said in Japanese, there’s no translation for it in English. So I just did like a rough translation of thank you for not, it’s because the translations will thank you for not burdening me, but it doesn’t have the same connotations. It’s like, Thank you for telling me when it’s the time for celebration, rather than when it’s the time for mourning. Yeah. And for me, I just really enjoy that mindset. And I really enjoy. For one I like not reveling in anything that’s perceived as my downfall. Yes. And I like the celebration of a new plan. And that makes me feel so happy. And like I told everybody when I started the press, and they’re like, everything you’ve accomplished is so amazing. Whereas the Americans are like, when do you think you have your first bestseller? And I’m like, yo, we’ve been open for like a little over a year and they’re like, so is a goal for 2022 to get a best seller. The goal for every book we publish is to get a best seller.
C
But that First book we published was the best seller we’d already we’d ever had. And we’ve had better sellers since then for us,
K
right. And every week I obsessively chart the first week of sales and every book is doing better. I don’t want this to dominate the podcast, I want to talk about the Japanese mindset. And my experience of it in Nagoya, I don’t know what it’s like in other cities. I don’t know what it’s like, to Aichi prefecture, really. And I love that Japanese nationals are like, That’s so awesome that you’re reaching the goals that you’re setting for the business and your goal sounds so realistic, and they’re really interested in hearing the goals and hearing my plan, and I’m really interested in hearing their goals and hearing their plan. But there’s never that gotcha. I knew you wouldn’t succeed. Because I open my practice. The first thing Americans say to me is, you know, you’re not the only therapist in Japan. Well, no shit, right? Like, that would be really strange. And there would be no market and it would be uphill both ways in the snow with no shoes. Okay,
C
you didn’t arrive with Admiral Perry in 1868, reopening Japan to the world,
K
right? So for me, it’s I love I love the aggressive. What are you going to do next? I love that drive. Like, what’s your plan? What are you doing? What are you thinking about? And that’s, I like the Drama Dolls, but I’ve never purchased one. And it’s a doll that’s based on a Buddhist monk called Bodhi Dharma, which is my favorite Buddhist monk, because he’s violent. And just out there, like the, I think I might have shared on a podcast before but the tale of Bodhidharma has he walked from India to to China, and he lost one of his shoes. So he kept his other shoe on a stick and walked barefoot the rest of the way. And when he got to the Great Wall of China, he sat there. And he wanted to stare and sit in open eyed meditation. But his eyes kept closing. So he tore off his eyelids. And when his eyelids hit the ground, that’s where green tea comes from. As I say, Okay, I know this is a legend. But are you sure though, right, that’s a legend like so. For me when I was doing like my whole, like, investigating Buddhism, and like, Bodhi Dharma is my Buddha, my Buddha, yo, like, because all the other Buddha’s are hardcore, but they pretend like they’re not hardcore. And to be an accolade of his, his first accolade, had to cut off his arm to show his dedication. I think that’s also a myth. Well,
C
and in the myth, he decided on his own, how he would show his dedication. And his first thought was, I know, I’ll chop off my arm.
K
Right? But then you’re sitting across from a live this deed?
C
Yeah, I feel like the lidless. I was Bodhidharma. Really Sauron.
K
Right? Because, you know, so for me, I love the doll. And I love the now everyone buys them with one painted i because they’re sold with one painted eye. But the original tradition was that you paint one eye when you make a wish. And then you paint the second eye when the wish comes true. But they’re also used for as a tool to teach children how to goal set, and how to goal set with what are you going to accomplish in the next year? What are your aims in the next year? And then when you achieve them, we celebrate, but the cycle starts over again. What are your aims? Like, every year, you need to have goals and aims, and I really enjoy that. I know, it’s not everyone’s temperament. If we did that last year, he would be devastated.
C
But a lot of the goal setting literature now, because I read a lot of stuff for my corporate job is smart goals, you know, the specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and time bound. And I feel like the the year provides that nice time bonus time boundedness.
K
So something I find interesting about you is if we set a goal for a year from now, you here three months from now, what’s up with that? Cuz that’s specific to chat goal setting.
C
Yeah, I feel like setting a goal for a year is you’re giving yourself cushion. And so how much cushion Am I actually give myself? Well, if I’ve got quadruple the time I actually need that seems like a comfortable margin. So I should try and get it done in three months, because then my time can slip a few times.
K
But then you immediately move on to the next goal. And I find it well
C
what else am I gonna do just like sit around for nine months and revel in how fast I was at that goal. That just makes me a crappy goal setter because my goal was too small.
K
And so when I apply this logic to my Stop, you call it moving the goalpost and setting unrealistic, unrealistic expectations of myself and perfectionism. Because I feel like you toxic perfectionism. I
C
feel like you rarely acknowledged that you met that goal. You don’t have your line of Daruma dolls all set up with both their eyes filled in, because you set goals, because you’re like, No, that’s for wishes. And to me, I feel like goals and wishes are the same thing to you. That goals and wishes are pretty much the same thing to you.
K
I don’t believe in wishes, what would what’s a wish? Like a marine Your Heart Makes? Yeah, like what is that? I’m just gonna sit down and passively wait for the universe to give me something. That’s not my life. Oh,
C
so you haven’t discovered the secret? No, I have not. You’re not manifesting it.
K
I can’t manifest anything. Rahsaan hand life just keeps working out for him and everything. He manifest, he thinks about it. And it just appears. And we’re actually having to change that because I make all of those things happen. And it’s quite a culture shock for him coming in at 27. I’m like, Okay, this is dangerous. Now we’re entering into like a really dangerous territory where rasa says I want something, and my knee jerk is to get it, right. And that’s not healthy for me. And it’s not healthy for him. But it is really painful as a parent to allow your child to fail when you can prevent it. And so, roster doesn’t set goals. He just casually tells me things he wants. My room casually mentioned, I don’t really like my apartment anymore. Now we’re apartment hunting roster never, ever said, I want a new apartment roster never ever said I want to move. And so I don’t think that roster knows how to set goals. And so we’re kind of that’s what we’re kind of focused on for roster for the next year is teaching them how to set goals and how to achieve those goals. I was like, but I didn’t really want anything. And then we dig down deeper. It’s like you do want stuff. But I’m so proactive and getting everything he wants that he just off the cuff mentioned something in a casual conversation. And then I go into mommy overdrive and make it happen.
C
Yeah, I feel like in my day job, I do a lot of goal setting for myself, for other people, accommodating other people’s goal setting. And my aim is always to make, like the tiniest adjustment possible. Yeah, as early as I know, they want things so that it can look like I’m not really doing much. But I feel like if you’re steering a boat, and you’re off by one degree, you’re gonna end up in a different country.
K
Yeah. Like,
C
you don’t want to sail all the way and then sail up the coast 400 miles, because you didn’t want to bother to adjust when you’re headed over the ocean where it looked like smooth sailing.
K
Yeah. And so for me, like we’re talking about American and Japanese goal setting. But I think there’s also room to talk about when you create your own country and your own island. And I feel like I created the aisle of mom. And in the aisle of mom, the culture is Rasta things of thought. And if that thought brings him pleasure and a desire, then I make a way to fulfill that. And so even down to like wanting to date, like, I will do, I don’t do it anymore. Because now roster works tender. But I’ve talked about before how I would do a tender takeover, and just take his tender and swipe and super like and all of that stuff. And now he knows how to do. And so for me, it’s always been really reinforcing. Like he says he wants something, and then I make it happen. And then he sees how I make it happen. And then he does that. But a byproduct of that is not knowing how to how to set goals, not knowing how to do goal setting. I feel like part
C
of what you have a mastery of too is getting what you want out of various systems. You can look at a system and say, Okay, this is what I want. Here’s how I get it. Yeah. And so drawing the line between the goal and the outcome, like the the plan to make the goal happen. And in the US, it’s very much don’t bother me with the plan. Just tell me when you’ve succeeded. Yeah. And in Japan, it’s very much what’s the plan and not so much examination of whether it has any chance of success? Just How hard are you going to work? Yeah. And so I feel like most people who are successful have a mix of these things. So these are kind of broad generalizations. cuz I feel like the Japanese people I know who are highly successful, do look at their goals and make sure that they’re going to be successful. Yeah, but they have a reasonable chance. But what’s valued culturally, on average is the effort. Yes. And then the US has a lot of lip service given to valuing the effort. But if you, like, look at who’s celebrated in the US, it’s the person who strove and then succeeded. Yes, they’re like this person practice for 12 hours a day, you know, football in their backyard against killer robots. And they’re not. And they succeeded, and they don’t look at all the other people, like, died to the killer robots practice football.
K
And so for me, I feel like I’m suited to both countries, right? Because I’m really good about being secretive about what my goals and aims are. And then just showing up as a success. And so when I introduced any business, I introduce it after it’s already succeeded in my mind by what success would be, that doesn’t mean that there’s not room to grow and do more things. And I also do it with personality changes. And I don’t really say what, what is the thing I’m working on to anyone? I do say to you, because I tell you everything about me. And I just, I want that to change because I want the I want to embrace the culture of it’s not embarrassing to be a striver.
C
Yeah. And I feel like there’s not really a word for tryhard in Japanese. Yeah. Like there’s, you know, people who grind oil, which is like kissing ass or sucking up. But in contrast, in the American venture capital culture, there are stealth mode startups. Yes. Where you don’t know who’s funding them. And I read listings to like, get a sense of what market rates are for various business reasons. Yeah, very, very muckety muck up stuff. But there are are places saying like, we’re hiring for a stealth mode startup that’s got a billion dollars in funding, like, How Is This Anything stealthy? You’re advertising to the 20 million people who read this list? Yeah, they are hiring 500 people. There’s nothing stealth about this. You don’t want to say who’s funding it yet? Yeah. Like, is it funded by the US Department of Defense? Is it funded by Amazon? Like, there’s various funders, and I’m like, we’re leaving stealth mode. Right? Okay. So you’re just rebranding yourself. But it’s very much that we’re a big successful company, we want to start another company, but we don’t want to be taxed if it fails.
K
Right. Like, we don’t want that failure on our name, right. For me, the, I still struggle to call struggle, culturally with being a public figure. In the United States, I wasn’t a public figure. And in Japan, I’m very much a public figure. I’m very well known in a lot of communities, both Japanese and American, and very well respected. And the things that made me a public figure are so strange to me, like I’ve testified in court in the United States, that didn’t make me a public figure. It’s one of the things that made me a public figure here. And I worked with the children Guidance Center. I worked with top protective services in the United States that made me a public figure here, having a website makes me a public figure. And there are people that just watch my website and watch my Facebook to see what I’m going to do. And I think that I didn’t have Facebook was a thing. When we left the United States, and I didn’t have one. I didn’t have y’all night just barely got one. Like, I don’t know, I think maybe eight years ago, six years ago, and it was immediately successful. And I was like, how is my Facebook successful? Because I have 1000s and 1000s of followers on Facebook. And in Japan. Nobody cares about my social media presence. No, no, like so you know, a bunch of people. What, how did you get this? Why did you do it? What’s the point? Yeah. And so the music’s in Japan at the beginning, when we went on Instagram, I had a bunch of Instagram goals. And I’ve since decided I don’t want to have any Instagram goals when it comes to the music’s in Japan. And that’s because I’m not dedicated to working the system to achieve the goals and nobody sees like it. It’s basically the music’s in Japan. It’s not updated regularly we do updated, updated regularly. I log on to answer and every now and then, because I do have people that I talk with and people that I’m actually friends with that I know in real life, but nobody in Japan sees that as a failure as the pivot is not viewed as a failure. And Americans I gave up on he gave up. And in Japan if you changed your mind, right, that wasn’t working for you. And maybe there’s a discussion of why that wasn’t working for you. But there’s not the you’re a quitter. There’s not the your loser connotation to change your mind or doing a pivot.
C
Yeah, in Japan, it’s like, are you? Are you in motion? Yes. Yes. Then you are a success. Yes. All right. But I’m drowning here. But the tide will go out.
K
Yeah, like, right, the tide? Yeah.
C
And there’s, you know, along the same lines, oh, there’s the culture of the nail that gets sticks up, that sticks up gets hammered down.
K
Which is like, I wish you had never learned that same almost every time we talk about Japanese culture, use that saying, because
C
I find it so like, it’s not true. And that’s why I find it so strange. They keep saying that, because you buy
K
into I don’t always call you out on it. But you mentioned it when you don’t think it’s true. And you mentioned it when you do think it’s true. Like what’s up with you in that phrase was going down?
C
It feels like a threat. It feels like stay in line, or you’ll get hammered down. And I feel like the way that it gets applied is so much when people question the methods that are being used. Like, if you say, Okay, we have this common goal, like we as a team have this common goal, and you say, is this the right way to go? It’s like, why are you commenting? Why are you question the way we’re going? We’re going to work really hard. Yeah. And we see a lot of Japanese companies work really hard to know a fact. And others do really well. Yeah. And I feel like in the US, it’s it’s, you’re seen as being contrary, rather than being different. If your question the plan. And sometimes people are like, not, we’re already decided, and sometimes people say, Yeah, okay, your idea is better. But there’s rarely criticism for the mere fact of having a different opinion. Yeah, there’s sometimes criticism for the fact of hanging on a specific opinion, yeah, about how to achieve the goal. But it’s not criticism of the fact that your opinion is merely different. I think that goes back to the being successful versus being seemed to work. Like in Japan, there is consensus building for decisions, but that’s supposed to be happening while you are like moving. Yes. And in the US, it’s not so much consensus building as who has the best idea to make sure that we have the smallest chance of failure so that we’re not embarrassed by not meeting our goal.
K
And what I find interesting about Japan, and going back to the drama doll, is that you can paint in the other eye as a show of gratitude for the progress towards the goal that you made. As I said, it’s a one year goal setting thing. But that’s really, I think more for children than adults think some adults use it that way too. But I like the attitude that I’m giving thanks for what all I’ve achieved this year, towards this goal. Whereas in the United States, there are people that I know that in December there, they strive really hard to reach whatever last year’s goal was that they can deem themselves a success at doing their New Year’s resolution, and giving themselves permission to set any resolution. Like if I felt at last year’s resolution, I either have to make it this year’s resolution again. Or I don’t get to set a resolution at all because I’m bad at setting goals for myself. And I think that it’s an all or nothing mindset that I think the Japanese don’t really have an all or nothing mindset about a lot of things and goal setting is one of them. I do
C
think all saying because I the conversations I’ve had with my Japanese friends was like, Well, yeah, I’m all or nothing on these 20 things. Yeah, because the nothing isn’t a negative. It’s just like, Okay, it’s not happening. Yeah. But if you give up on goal setting, then what will you do for your life?
K
Yes. And that’s the pressure point. And I think it’s really hard for people who come over here and have the mix of when I would see people straddling the the two cultures and being an English teacher, and in Japan either Teaching is not viewed as a career is viewed as a job. And in Japan, I feel like it’s okay to work a job as long as you know that you’re working a job, not a career. And it’s okay to not have a side hustle. And it’s okay to say, this is the job I’m going to do for the rest of my life. And some parents are quoted, some parents aren’t just like in the United States. But if you’re not viewed as a failure, you can be viewed as not living up to your potential. But that in Japan, from my experience, at least in my friend circle, and the people I’ve worked with in therapy, is okay, you’ve decided not to meet my expectations of you. You’ve decided to not fulfill my dreams and goals for you. And that hurts me and disappoints me, but you’re still valid in your own writing. Do you feel that way? Or do you feel like it’s more subtle?
C
I feel like it’s sometimes even more explicit. I feel like in friendships, it can be more subtle, because Japanese people aren’t as sensitive to other people’s feelings as anybody else is. Yeah. And so despite the know that cold, uncaring robot machines, that propaganda that I grew up with, it’s not true
K
at all, at all, the Japanese, all my Japanese friends are so loving, so affection. And I’ve met cold Japanese people that I’ve met the same in the United States, right? In terms of coldness. And I think for American culture. Japan is not a huggy culture. And I don’t like hugs, y’all know that. But what I love is, I love the patting my back without touching me. Y’all know, I love that. But I also love when my girlfriend’s squeeze my arm. Yeah, I love that so much, because that’s a bear hug. And it’s tolerable to me. Like to just hype me out of nowhere is a shock. But they’ll grab me and squeeze my arm. And or grab my hand when we’re laughing. Yeah. And I enjoy that so much. And I think that’s where the coldness comes from, is the lack of physical contact, and needing to speak Japanese. And then yeah, that Japanese has such a rigid structure to it. I think they don’t know how to speak friendly. And I think once from my experience once people know how to speak friendly and Japanese, yeah, because French Japanese is different. It’s weird. I can’t explain that talk first. Yeah, no, it’s not.
C
But I look at the difference between and these are Japanese words between an auto buy toe and a pop. Yeah. So auto buy toe is from the German Arbeit work. And it’s a part time job. Yeah. And Pato is from the American part time job. And it’s a part time job. Yeah. But the difference is that with a Pato you’re just kind of dabbling. Yeah. And it’s not going anywhere serious. Yeah. Whereas other vital is a serious job but it doesn’t take up all of your time. Like you want to have a career but only 20 hours a week. Yeah. Or the opposite. I always forget which is which
K
is Patil I remember it because I had a girlfriend telling me that they were doing their Patil. But it was volunteer Patil. Oh, yeah, volunteer, part time gig is. And they work at a soup kitchen and two days a week. And that’s their part time gig. And so volunteering falls under that. I like that. Another thing I like about Japanese goal setting and about Japanese self improvement, is that I’m not expected to rise to the point of where I’m improving myself in a way that is socially acceptable to you. And away or to someone else. Not, not your beautiful music notes. You’d never you’d never do that. Never. And we’d love you. And we love putting I didn’t mention putting the last couple of episodes just want to give a shout out and say we love putting Okay, yes. And it was time for putting warm putting love warm person. Any Hill. Back to what I was saying. When my friend revealed that they worked at a soup kitchen, there wasn’t the immediate, what do you do to improve the social status, the social the social status quo. And I I’d like that there’s no ownership of my goal setting and no ownership of myself improvement. And I feel like in the US there was
C
Yeah, I feel like that’s true. And I feel like these things are all on average, but I haven’t had Japanese people be like, What are you doing to apologize for the fact that you are at least moderately successful? Yes. That in the US is expected like, oh, you’re a middle class and you’re not at risk of falling into poverty and unless, like you have several catastrophes, well, how much charity are you giving? Yeah, I think Here in Japan, it’s like, if the conversation comes up at all, well, you pay your taxes, right?
K
Yeah. The big thing is do you pay your pension? Yeah. So it’s like Social Security,
C
there was this. There was a scandal, because a lot of the people in parliament were found to have not paid their pension because the the retirement pension part of it is paid separately from the health insurance and social welfare part of it. Yeah. For certain types of jobs and government jobs are one of those types.
K
So I think I want to talk about some positive things about the US because I don’t hate the United States. And I think some people think that I do, I don’t, I’m hurt by the United States. So think of it as like a friend that’s really hurt you, but you still love them, but you can’t be around them. Yeah. And that’s how I feel about living in the United States. But I don’t think all US culture is bad culture. And I’m American, through and through. And my goal setting and my moving of the goalposts makes me highly effective and highly successful. And that’s an American type of drive that I have, right. And I feel like my entrepreneurship comes from American goal setting. And I find that my ability to just come on the scene successful. A lot of people admire that. And that comes from being American, not comes from going through people being disappointed with me for not reaching a goal. People call me a failure for not reaching a goal and all of those kinds of things. And I think it was wrong of them to do that. I think it’s broader than that in any culture. But for me, I find that I really enjoy that. And on the flip side, with Japanese, I have friends who haven’t seen me in years, I guess that will make them more acquaintance or Japanese people I know. They haven’t seen me for years. That will dogged me out. Because my Japanese hasn’t improved. Right? So there is
C
that you haven’t been working on your Japanese
K
with huge disappointment. And, oh, you’re still working the same job? Like sameness, I find I get a little bit scorn for sameness in Japan for not evolving in Japan.
C
Yeah. And I feel like that the thing you say is American, I do think it’s American. But I think it’s also California. And I’m sure there are other places with a matching one. But having grown up in Alaska, a lot of people have the I’m surviving until I until I get lucky until I like
K
strangled. But in Alaska, that’s the vibe.
C
That’s I’m saying I gets a different vibe is different from either California or Japan. Yeah. And so I think there are all these subcultures like in the academic subculture. Everybody’s just like, I’m trying to go on tenure track. And the ones that are on tenure track, I’m trying to get tenure. And then once they get tenure is I’m trying to get this prestigious grant. Yeah. But it’s very much seen as the week will fall.
K
Yeah, I find that the week will fall is a mindset that both Japan and the United States share. And I for one, find that I’m becoming more and more blended over the years, and I’m enjoying the blend. And I find that transitioning out of transitioning out of motherhood into personhood is such a beautiful journey for me, I’m really enjoying it. Because in the United States, I learned that if my child was unhappy, that I’m a bad mother, my child’s overweight, I’m a bad mother, if my child like the long list of if my child is not pristine, that I’m a failure as a human being and my purpose for being on this earth. And I think the same can be said for Japan. But what makes us successful child in Japan is different than what makes a successful child in the United States. And I ironically, I prefer the US on this rather than Japan.
C
I feel like both countries have a very heavy expectation on the mother. Yeah. Like everybody looks at me, and they’re like, Did you teach them how to ride a bike? Might? Yes. Did you teach them how to throw a baseball? I’m like, Yes, I’m there. Then your job is done, sir. Like what? No.
K
Yeah, well, people in Japan roster playing Go. got you out of the disappointment of you not having him do martial arts. Right? Because that was like, What are you doing to help him? You know, really be the best version of himself. There has to be some sort of mental discipline activity that they’re doing.
C
Come on. As a sumo. You know the sumo I’m just fat No, I went out to a restaurant with a Japanese friend. And the people around two stories, my Japanese friend, is he a sumo?
K
And I can give you an idea of Chad’s shape. And I look like a female Sumo. So I always joke that would look like salt and pepper shakers. Because I feel like my body is a shape of what your assigned female at birth body would have looked like. I think he would have been shorter.
C
I think so that body is like there’s a picture of it hanging in the attic somewhere.
K
So we have like a really good understanding of American goal setting. And I want to say that the thing that I prefer about American success when it comes to parenting, is that we’ve built several companies and Nasus work roster has worked for each company, and having a company that roster can take over as viewed as successful. In the United States. In Japan, it is not
C
Yeah, he’s worked for each one. Once he became a working age, we didn’t do the child labor thing.
K
No, we didn’t. And that was frowned upon in Japan, like we should have done. Right, right.
C
storefront with like the eight year old bread man in the till, yes, like with the parents sitting nearby. But when we go to small towns, it’s not unusual to see kids on weekends. And after school and after school, like working at the family store,
K
that those families are viewed as not being successful. Yeah. And I’ve worked with Japanese nationals who are overcoming the trauma of their family having a small business. And small businesses just aren’t treated with a lot of respect in Japan in terms of legacy. So for me, I get all of the respect accolades and, and all of that. But Rasta gets disdain for working for any, any endeavor that his parents do.
C
Well, I’m for not being in a tier one company, too, I think. I think there’s a very strong distinction. And
K
even if there was a tier one, because for the Toyota versus Toyota, right family that that schism that split, there is like the sort of if you don’t branch out and do something different, because Toyota is the original company, and they made machine parts and machines. And then Toyota is the car company when they switch gears. That innovation gained the Toyota family. That brand of the Toyota family. Yeah, respect and success.
C
And those who don’t know the story that toyo.is usually spelled with a D before the final A, that’s, that’s the family name. And when they decided they were going to go international, they said, okay, that company name, we’re going to use a T, which has an alternative pronunciation of that final character.
K
Yeah. So I feel like the the lengths that this legacy family had to go through to be respected in Japan, right. And seen as something viable. And I, I had another client, who came from a very successful family and had taken over the family business, and was really struck, struggling to forge their own identity, because the only thing that anyone cared about for them was the fact that they were bilingual, and didn’t care about all of the training that they had done. And I was like, this is Japan.
C
Yeah, this is Japan, where when you start a new job at a big company, they don’t care what your degree is in. Yeah, these are the tier one companies what’s called the K dot
K
read. And what’s the tier one company?
C
It’s a member of the K Don Ren, the Japanese business? sociation. Yeah, it’d be like being a fortune 500 company.
K
Yeah. So I find it interesting that there’s no way to succeed except for striking out on your own or going with something really well known and big and moving your way up there to be a success. Right. But to be successful. In Japan, you just need to be working towards a goal and I find that nuance to be interesting.
C
Yeah. Like the difference between, like a respectable person, and a rich person. Oh, kinda emoji. Yeah. He just means has money. Yes. Like so. Just having money makes you rich in Japan.
K
Yes. I don’t think that Japan is like this golden place where everything is perfect. I did feel a lot. I do feel a lot of pressure but about some of the things I’m not doing. And one of the things I feel a lot of pressure about is whether or not to become a Japanese citizen and what I think is so strange When I have this pressure, I have this pressure because I’m married to an American. Yeah, we’re as it’s okay for in Japanese docile, nasil eyes, it’s okay for a man married to a Japanese woman to have that be the goal. And they just hope they stick around until the child graduates. And I find that that’s all. From my perspective, that’s like a really low bar for success. Right? I stayed in Japan until my child was an adult. Okay. You know, that’s
C
people we’ve known that have failed to meet
K
that. Right? Because
C
deported or Yeah, has it been deported.
K
But as an American woman living in Japan with an American husband, the pressure on me with to learn Japanese, which is why I’m so defensive about it on the podcast, sometimes the pressure from expats and I know I talked about the expat my competition thing with Thomas Japanese as I speak. And that’s the one area where I feel like in Japan, that’s very much like the United States is like, if you’re not trying to do the top level of the most famous Japanese language tasks, which is the JLPT. One, if that’s not what I’m working on with my Japanese, what am I even doing here? Yeah. And the scorn that comes with that from both sides, from expats and from Japanese nationals.
C
And culturally, there’s not much wiggle room for reasons that you aren’t trying the hardest possible.
K
Yeah, there are. That’s another thing.
C
I’ve shown up at job interviews, and they’re like, you have a cane? We’re sorry, we’re not going to interview you today, which is legal in Japan. Yeah. And it’s like, why, like, well, you’re not trying hard enough to walk.
K
Yeah, like you should have came without, without the
C
right, you knew that we were going to see you. So you should have pretended. And that happens in the US too. But yeah, in Japan, it’s very much seen as like a
K
so opening law. Yeah. So opening then in Japan. And for me, like my experience was I was in the hospital, and I like, oh, great, you’ll have time to study, right? I’m having surgery, okay? I must
C
be hospitalized because they want to make sure that I don’t die after my surgery, you know, get a massive infection.
K
Well, and they had to keep me an extended time period. And then like me being sick, they’re like, but just talk for a living? Like, why can’t you just talk for a living? I don’t get this whole. Okay, why are you sick?
C
Why can’t you just talk for a living, but don’t forget to be ganky? Yeah.
K
So there are good some but there are good things and bad things to American culture setting. I mean, goal setting, and good things and bad things to Japanese goal setting. And for me, I’ve fused the two and I’ve taken from both culture work both cultures, what works best for me. And my hope is that everybody listening with New Year’s coming up, that you will look at your New Year’s resolution and a pass or fail way that you’ll look at it. And you’ll decide if you didn’t do anything towards the goal, that that really wasn’t something you wanted to achieve. And look, it is something you feel like you should achieve versus like weight loss. I’ve never said weight loss as my goal on big fluffy, and I love it. And I plan to stay big and fluffy. And every time I see any one of my doctors, they’re like you having hereditary copper for a period is because you’re fat. You haven’t
C
read Attari?
K
Right. So my point of bringing that up is if like your goal was to lose weight, or if your goal is to does that or the other. Ask yourself like, Was that really what you wanted? Was that really the goal you wanted to set? And was that really a plan that you wanted to make?
C
The way I think of it is? Are you working toward the success that you want? Or the success that you think is expected of you?
K
Yeah, and I think that that’s a really good balance that we hope, all of our beautiful music notes take. And we want to thank you all for listening. And I know we haven’t been digressing lately, but
C
yeah, we’re sorry. Well, we’ll work on that.
K
We’ve been staying on topic, like really strictly. And I think that’s more to do with the fact that I’m semi on vacation right now. And Chad’s completely on vacation right now.
C
It’s very nice. Yeah.
K
So we don’t really have anything else going on. That’s not private. Because we talk about almost everything. And
C
yeah, like I mentioned my day job occasionally, but I don’t mean the company and I don’t go into the details what I do because it’s so boring. It’s so boring. kisser is like, can we talk about something else?
K
Yeah, he’s looking at my eyes glaze over right now. I’m trying not to roll my eyes like come stop and roll my eyes. Like the main thing that we have going on that we would have digressed about is, is the forgemasters, because we’re watching a show that has eight seasons are forged in fire. Yeah, for, and it’s really great show. But that’s like, we don’t really talk about TV. No. So we hope you enjoy the podcast, even though you may not have gotten the digressions you wanted. And for that, we apologize. And for those who are like, Finally, don’t get used to it.
C
Goal, an easy win. Go subscribe to our Patreon. Only $3 a month.
K
Yeah, support your favorite podcast. That’s an awesome goal. No, I
C
didn’t say support your favorite podcast, or their favorite podcast. Thank you for the reminder.
K
Yeah, hello. Unlike working so hard, I just want to be in the top five. And thank you to everyone in Antarctica who are listening to our podcast. That’s my fantasy. They’re, they’re using a VPN. We know you’re using a VPN and
C
we see you we feel the chill.
K
Right. So thank you so much for listening. We hope that you follow us on over to Patreon and we’ll talk to you next week. Bye bye.
K
So lately I’ve been thinking about how I’ve created a Japanese version of my American life.
C
So does that make your Japanese life or
K
my American life? So the longer we live in Japan, the more American my life becomes, okay, the less Japanese my life becomes. But American in a Japanese context. My Yeah, it’s sort of like American Japanese fusion. I think I’m more fused.
C
Yeah, I think like the honeymoon period is over. We’re married to Japan, we go together.
K
I’ve never had a honeymoon period with Japan. When we came around vacation, I sort of bed. But I think when we crossed over than that,
C
but I think when we first moved here, both of us were trying to fit in. I was certainly trying to fit in. I was working at a Japanese company trying to be like Japanese.
K
I’ve never tried to fit in. Ever. That’s not my thing. I don’t ever try to fit in.
C
You stand out everywhere you go.
K
I don’t try to stand out. I’m just kidding. Amazing. Yeah. No, I’m just I my personality isn’t one of adaptation. So I’m not going to adopt customs. Because for me, that’s, it’s my perfectionism. I don’t think that I could ever be culturally Japanese in a way that’s perfect. And so like, I’ll never use chopsticks perfectly no matter if I have mastered it. And I went and studied with a master of chapstick, makers and users. The fact that I’m foreign, a Japanese national will never see me as Japanese. And they will never see the way I handled chopsticks as being correct. Right. I will never be part of the Japanese, I will always be other. And in the United States. I’m always other. So everywhere I go, and everywhere I’ve been I’ve always been other. And so I find it just easier. Instead of like lamenting and having that be like a big heavy thing. Just have it be I’m Christopher. So of course I’m unique.
C
Yeah. I have found that I am not unique. From afar. But personality wise, I think I’m unique.
K
But your your appearance has always been quite strikingly different.
C
Yeah, I guess so. Because you noticed me while we met?
K
I did. So you’re, you’ve always been physically quite striking, different, and completely oblivious of it? Yes. And so your perception and feeling of fitting in is so different than mine. Because I’m completely aware of people think clocking me being different. Yeah. But this is a is not like, a bad thing for me. So isn’t this like nothing heavy? So for me, what I think is so strange, is how many businesses? I’m starting in Japan. So like in the United States, I obsessively started businesses, is it? Yeah, it’s like my thing is to start businesses. And I never thought I would be in a place in Japan. I was starting multiple businesses. But I am like, I’m on business. Number three, I’m about to start business now. No business number for that to start business number five in Japan. And I just I can’t stop myself. I might compulsively
C
say you’ve always been to me, though. Because when I met you were running two businesses. Yes. And there’s a like, there’s a difference between, you know, this is what I do to make money. And I’m turning it into a business. And this is an officially registered business. So yeah, but you did turn your tutoring business into like, a Delaware Corp. Like, yes, a big thing.
K
So I’m doing the same thing in Japan. And I didn’t think that I would do that, because I still have my third practice adjustment guidance, which I’m going to reinvent but keep the name because of search engine optimization. And I’m so excited I have, I’m going to reinvent this company, because I’m bored of the other company. And it doesn’t work for my physicality. So I’m going to turn it into something completely new. And then I have cinnabar moth publishing. And then I have cinnabar moth literary collections. And we had route five which we sense closed down because our partners retired and
C
it just by programming was a software company. Yeah, I was working
K
for and then we have the music notes Corporation. Yeah. And so we have all these companies and my so I just want guidance is still up and going. The music notes is still up and going cinnabar moth publishing is still up and going and cinnabar moth literary collections is still up and going and I’m involved is
C
obviously time to start something new.
K
Right. That was totally what I was thinking because they’re up in Running.
C
Okay, this is the capitalist dream, right? You use your capital to start some companies. And in your case, it’s always been hard work has been your capital. Yeah. And then once things are going smoothly, you do it again.
K
Yeah, I’m I’m worried that people are going to be upset that I’m going to step away and just read stories. And that’d be the only thing I do as cinnabar moth,
C
I think that they’re not gonna be upset. I think that what I what I have seen is that everybody loves you. But you make people nervous when they feel like you’re hovering and lately you’ve gotten things moving so slowly, so smoothly, better. That it feels like hovering. But maybe that’s just me, because I’m like, Hey, if you’re gonna hover, give me some of the give me the, give me a smack and lips. Come on.
K
So when one big difference is that in the United States, Foster was a little person? Yes. And he was a child. Yeah, he was, you know, five and stuff. So he didn’t want to take over a company. Slacker.
C
Okay. What? Succession?
K
Right, come on. Um, so now he’s 27. And I feel like he can take over cinnabar moth publishing. Because the teams in place the team solidified, the team respects and they all have working together. It’s really like a group of peers hanging out.
C
And he has all the necessary skills or knows how to hire them. So
K
yeah, he does. He does. That’s an important thing. And I have this, this quirk, that specific to me that you find super offensive. And in the United States, it’s super offensive, except for among small business owners. All the small business owners we’ve known have agreed with me on this thing. If you’re a small business owner, you need to be able to run your business if every employee walks out the door.
C
Yes, I feel like that’s to highest standard, like every employee. I feel like and my context is, I’m a manager at a company with about 100 employees.
K
So there’s only one thing I cinnabar moth that I can’t do, and that’s edit, because I’m dyslexic. Yeah. And there’s like so many editing companies that I could like, send the book out and get it back today. Right. So if I wanted to do that
C
thing is that if everybody walked out a smaller than very small business, that would be like newsworthy, like if 500 People walked out of a company that we don’t have any 500 We don’t have 500 employees. Now we don’t, we don’t. So I’m ready for people to move on in their career, like by resigning as a matter of the ordinary course of business. Yeah. And I think you are, too. Yeah, like, one at a time. But you stay ready for everybody to move on?
K
Yes, I do. I stay ready for every single person and every single writer to pull their books. I’m ready. I know exactly how long it takes me to write a book. And, once if, so once we have the manuscript, good luck. Once we have a cover, and good luck, um, you’re so
C
good luck, because we have contracts. So because it’s not like the work is
K
the music in Japan, not the writers triangle. This is Christopher Wright. And me saying, I we keep it 100 Over here. Like I’m so much nicer on the writers triangle than I am on the music in Japan. And I’m saying good luck. I have your book, I own your book, I bought your book, I paid for your book, I paid for a cover for your book, I paid for a narration of your book, your book will be published with us. Yeah. And you can drag it and not promote it. Because we’ve had that experience. We’ve had the experience where an author like actively reached out to people and told them not to buy their book from stores. But to buy their book from them. Personally, we’ve had to two different authors do that. And I’m like, have at it, I don’t care. I don’t care. And the reason I don’t care is because we have enough manuscripts now to get through 2020 jail. And so for me at six months, if I don’t have six months worth of manuscripts, then I will start writing a book. Because it’ll take me six months to write a book. At most. I think I could write a book in three months, because I’ve written the length of a book you have I’ve written that many words you definitely takes about three months. So I’m not saying it’s gonna be a good book. I’m not saying it’s gonna be a person it’s gonna be a thing anybody wants to read that if we have to slap something on the shelf, we can slap something on the shelf and Rasta can write and this is so tripping me out. Everybody all the reviewers hate Ross’s book. But it’s selling like hotcakes. So unlike Riddle me this Batman. Why is our lowest review book One of our best selling books.
C
I mean, 50 Shades of Grey does not have great reviews. It does it? No, it’s got horrendous reviews, but it sells.
K
So yeah, I’m thinking like, no review is a bad review. I said that before. And I’m like, This is proof of concept, proof of concept. So for me, and it’s odd to me that the longer we’re in Japan, the more like living in the United States my life becomes. So I house a smaller so that’s a Japanese context, right, a smaller space. I still think it’s too big for just us. It was the right size for raising a teenager. And how much space roster needed Roslin into two rooms. Ross has always needed two rooms. But very much, Ross is very much like his parents. We both need two rooms. Yeah. So I think roster kind of got that from our culture, we’ve always add. So we share one of our rooms, we share our bedroom. And then you have your office and I have my dressing room. And then we have the Tommy room and roster, sort of which share your roster shared your office space for a while, right? And then roster got smushed down to one room. And then he moved out. Yeah. And he moved into a two room apartment. And he’s getting ready to move again and to another two room apartment that’s bigger and better laid out and nicer. It’s an upgrade.
C
Yeah. And it’s very small by American standards.
K
Yeah. But so like, I find it interesting that we’re all just becoming more and more of ourselves, the more we’re here, I think we’re having so much more freedom. It feels like post permanent residency, I feel like okay, I know where I’m gonna be. Yeah, so let’s do that.
C
Unleashed. And I feel like some of it is better availability of things because of the internet. But some of it is we said, Okay, I mentally said, Okay, I’m gonna be here probably for the rest of my life. Yeah. And that’s probably going to be decades, not months. Yeah, me too. We did things like rent a forwarding of a forwarding service in the United States, so that if we were to things that only go to the United States, we can still get them here in Japan.
K
Yeah. For our personal selves, right.
C
And we have an American phone number through
K
one of the we have American phone numbers, we do have one business and one personal,
C
yeah. Through the voice over IP numbers. Yeah. So I feel like a lot of this stuff has really been facilitated by being able to connect via internet stuff.
K
I feel like that internet connection was there when we moved.
C
That’s why I’m saying like, knowing that we’re going to be here long term, we’ve set up stuff that we had not set up before that we had said, that looks like it’s a trouble to set up. Yeah. And like bank transfers, it was people were telling me for years, like set up with this company. And it makes the bank transfers much easier. I was like, Yeah, but I only make one bank transfer every three years. Yeah. And now that we do regular exchange between the US and Japan. Okay, yeah, I’ve set up that service.
K
Yeah. So that is something that was new, because that wasn’t available when we first moved here. For me, I think it has a lot to do with stepping away from adjustment guidance and not doing not being a therapist for about 910 months, almost a year. And thinking about Was I happy with the practice that I had. And in the United States when I wasn’t happy with the business, we would sell it. Yeah. And so my thing is, I build a business and then I sell it. And I’m not selling adjustment guidance, because search engine optimization, I like the name. I’m not selling my client list because I confidentiality is
C
Yeah. Yeah, I am. Horrifying.
K
Yeah. So in the United States, when I sold my therapy practice, the thing was that they already knew all my clients. And a lot of my clients were their former clients, because everybody wants to owner. And then and you weren’t strangers? Yeah, I was shifting them back to a lot of them back to their original therapist, right? And saying, you know, and other saying you can stay with the practice or move on, but I’m moving on, right. And then there was a period of transition where I was seeing people in the United States while I was here in Japan, and winding that down. So for me, when I started the practice in Japan, it felt very much like I was just reverse engineering.
C
What had made the previous one work and what you had and haven’t liked about it.
K
Yeah, and it started the Same way, almost. And
C
I feel like sometimes your businesses take off so quick that you’re like, I’m on a runaway train. I don’t know if I like the train. Yeah. And so I feel like adjustment guidance, your therapy practice now has kind of come to the top of the hill, where it’s still a train.
K
It was like, there was a point in time. And I didn’t realize how many hours I was working. Yeah. And like you were constantly telling me, I was there. So with therapy, you’re not supposed to do more than 20 to 30 client hours per week.
C
Yeah, last time that you and I read it together, the APA guidance was no more than 28 client hours a week.
K
Yeah. And I was doing sometimes over 40 hours a week. And that’s because I would take on a lot of high risk clients. I mean, you take on a lot of high risk. In crisis clients, then you do a lot of in crisis sessions. And I was also doing families. And I know that families are labor intensive, and families are usually the first thing whenever I want to reinvent myself as a therapist I stopped working with, right, because they’re so complex, and you do end up working with every member of the family. Because there’s this illusion that if one member of the family is sick, the entire family isn’t sick. And that’s not true. That’s not been my lived experience. And so if you are a parent of a child that has mental health issues, you should be talking to their therapist on a regular basis, you should be doing family therapy with them on a regular basis. Because here’s what I tell parents, even if you’re the best parent in the world, and none of this is your fault, is about your child’s perception and about giving them the freedom and safety to say I think this is your fault, and trusting and knowing that therapists well enough to know, I had a young, a young client once wanted to be funny. That’s all they wanted to be. And they said it was their parents fault that they were not funny, and they hated their parents. And they were feeling suicidal. I was eight years old. I told their parents, I need to talk to you need to come in. I need to get to know you. And they said why? And I said I need to get to know whether or not you’re funny. And like why you need to get no dice. Sometimes they’ve child’s life. Yeah. And that right there, that dynamic will lead to a 12 hour day. Yeah, of working with one family. Because when you have a child that’s suicidal, the world stops the world for me, as a therapist, the world stops, there’s nothing that’s more important than saving that child’s life. So for me, I’m thinking, do I want to be a Crisis Therapist anymore? And the answer is, I don’t think I’m able.
C
Yeah. And I think even if you aren’t doing crisis, the family thing. There’s so many dynamics, like I was sick as a kid, I had severe asthma and all kinds of other stuff. And even if my parents had done perfect, which neither of them was even close, that would have changed the dynamic because there’s not a lot of good role models for what it looks like to be a sick kid with a healthy, like with a good family dynamic.
K
Yeah. And to in Japan, the child that I was talking about wanted to be funny in Japanese. And so one parents spoke Japanese. They’re both parents were foreign nationals. One parent spoke Japanese, other parents didn’t. And so they couldn’t test out their jokes in Japanese. And their jokes in Japanese weren’t funny. And then, you know, Ross is bilingual, bicultural, and so roster worked with a child to teach them how to be funny in Japanese, because Japanese humor is different.
C
I’m funny in Japanese, for example. Yeah, you’re
K
very different. Japanese people tell you all the time you’re not. They do the rude ones. Yeah, the honest ones. I said, because they have your back and they care. And I tell them you have to tell him because they told me and I’m like, You have to tell him and he will laugh when you tell them they’re like No, Chad won’t laugh at not being funny. He will think it’s so funny that you don’t get how funny it is. Right? And they’re like, that’s impossible. So for me I feel like I’m kind of spreading out and kind of relaxing and another level of that is the apartment that Roscoe lives in now. We picked out for him Yeah, we did. Like I went picked it out and I was then showed it to him and I literally asked him can you live here? Not do you want to live here? Can you live here? Can you make this work? Yeah, because rosters really from the outside looking in. He doesn’t seem like Chaos Walking. roster is Chaos Walking and I’m Chaos Walking and you’re Chaos Walking. We just don’t look like it from the outside in. And so for me to wake up literally two weeks ago and pitch a new business idea. That’s chaotic as
C
Spock, that’s very Christopher.
K
Yes. And you are like the best partner ever for that. Because you get so like you feed off of my excitement. I’m like, babe, I’ve got this amazing business idea. And you’re like, what is it? Like, as soon as I say that you’re like, Tell me about it. And we literally spent all day talking about my new business idea. And you’re like, This is the bomb.
C
Yeah. And I feel like strategizing. I feel like I’ve seen you successfully get into a lot of different things. And they have common themes. Yeah, I feel like adjustment guidance was a runaway train.
K
And it really took me places I was not expecting to go. And it’s
C
come to the top of a hill where you have to give it a slight nudge and start back again. But it also gives you time to inspect the train and decide, or the things you want to change about how this train runs
K
well into I’m just not, I’m not able, like I could suck it up and do a 12 hour session at the drop of a hat to save someone’s life. Yeah. And I would always be able to do that. But here’s the thing, just the way adjustment guidance was set up. It wasn’t originally set up to do that, right? Or to be that. And then it became that and once you start doing crisis therapy, it word spreads really fast in the community, because everybody’s looking for somebody who is not afraid. And in the United States, I did not do crisis therapy. But I went through that arc in the United States, right? The same road where I was doing families, I was doing children and families and I was like, I really want to work with people who can make their own decisions. Yeah. And that means working with adults. And so then I would transition to working with primarily adults and I had almost transitioned. I don’t think I have had any I think I had maybe one family left I was working with. But then when I when I had the one COVID hit that one family was like, it doesn’t work for kids. Yeah, it doesn’t like teams it works for and I was still don’t mind the online thing. Yeah. So I think I had maybe four or five families. Because I was cycling out my teens. My teens were getting ready to leave my teens were graduating high school. Yeah, um, I call them my teens. I’m not their parent. So for me, I was talking to you. Before COVID, I was talking to you about needing to reinvent, right? Adjustment guidance and having it be something else. And then you’re like, hey, I think it’s time for us to launch launch the press since you’re feeling entrepreneurial. Right. And I thought that was gonna be a five year process. And it turned out to be one year. Yeah. So it’s like, I think it’s gonna be like 18 months total to have. It’s been like 14 months now. Yeah, I think it’s like an 18 month project. That’ll be ready to be handed over to Ross. Because Ross has been there from the beginning. And Ross did to our pride his parents did buy in Ross is one of the founding owners did invest. And y’all know me about money. If you don’t invest, you don’t get the title. But lots of good investors buy in. And I feel like, okay, then, you know, let him have it. And let him have cinnabar moth literary collections, which was my baby and my dream that he didn’t want that I’m just gonna give them because I’m his mother. Okay. And I can do that. To him. Take care of my mom’s cousin. Yes. Take care of this. I can start something else. It’s gonna be awesome. Yeah. And so I have this business idea. And I don’t talk about the business until it’s launched. And up and successful.
C
People will try to copy you in advance, be like, you have good ideas. So I’m going to do it. Like, it’s all about the execution.
K
I do the thing in Japan is you can’t start businesses without the right visa. That’s true. Yeah. So I could talk about it. And if they did in the United States, I wouldn’t affect me. But if I put it on blast, and then it fails, that’s embarrassing. Yeah. So one is the rebranding of cinnabar. No, not adjustment, rebranding of adjustment guidance, and changing the direction of adjustment guidance. And I think that’s going to happen before starting any other businesses. Yeah. And I feel like real talk adjustment guidance is a moneymaker and adjustment guidance, paid for cinnabar moth and adjust my guidance, it will pay for the next thing I want to do. So stay tuned on that. That’s kind of how this works. Yeah. So you too, are an entrepreneur but you You don’t want to be responsible for thinking of any of the businesses. I don’t want to be called an entrepreneur. Yeah. Cuz I said to you’re like, I’m not a risk taker.
C
Well, entrepreneur means a person who starts things and I feel like I will finish it.
K
I think you’re an awesome entrepreneur, you support the hell out of me?
C
I do. But I feel like I’ve transitioned to being more execution focused at my current job. Yeah. But I’m, I’ve always been very analytical, like, I will look at the situation and give you advice. And then you could take it or not, but that’s you taking or not my advice. my track record. Yeah. I’m still not as comfortable with the doing things part as the analyzing things part.
K
What does that even mean? Analyzing is doing something that’s the analysis comes before you take any action.
C
Yeah, but I like to step away after I’ve done the analysis and say, okay, somebody else can take the action.
K
No, give me give me an example that does not involve a website. See, I like to step away. It’s a dead end. Y’all caught that? It would have been dead air on the mic. Like nothing on the mic. I know you like you like to come in and tinker. Yeah. You’d like to tell me how I’m doing it wrong.
C
Yes. I’m like an efficiency expert.
K
There you go. That’s what we’re calling it.
C
That’s what we’re calling. Yeah, we’ll
K
call you the efficiency expert. Yes. I feel like in the United States, you didn’t do that. I felt like in the United States. Because I think that the entrepreneurship when we first I think this is something that’s changed. based on age, we’re always talking on a podcast. Is it age, or is it Japan?
C
Yeah. Cuz I think this is both age and education. Because I finished my bachelor’s just before we move to Japan. Yeah. And then I finished my master’s, my PC while we’re here. So my education level has gotten my finish high school.
K
I finished my bachelor’s and my master’s here. I’m not sure. Yeah. So I was starting businesses with no education. And that was tripping you out? It was because you believe that you had to have all this stuff. And I said, all you need is like a business plan. Right? Like
C
I knew, you know, obviously, because we’re married. It’s kind of strange for us to you know, yeah.
K
But before we were mad, you’re like, Why do you have so many businesses?
C
Right? Like, you’ve got a GED, which you weren’t you never been ashamed. Tell me that. I’m super proud of my GED. And I was like, but I’ve always been told you need a high school degree. For what? Now? I wouldn’t have done anything different with the information cuz I turned 16, like, six months before I graduated. Yeah. So and that in Alaska, that’s the earliest you can drop out. Fast. The earliest you can earn your GED. So yeah. But like, why didn’t somebody tell me you got to have a high school education for this? You don’t? You’ve just got to, like, know how to,
K
you know how to do a business plan is not for everybody. But for me. Yeah. So I’m an impossible thing in the United States. And I’m an impossible thing, here in Japan. And I think that entrepreneurship is so misunderstood. And when we first met, you were like, I don’t understand how you’re starting all of these businesses and how you’re deciding who to trust, right? And how you’re deciding who to employ. That was the biggest thing for you. How do you decide who to employ? And how do you decide when to sell? And how do you sell it?
C
And how do you recover? Because neither of us has always been right about who to employ? Yeah, no. But like, how you recover?
K
Well, yeah. fire people. Yeah, I know you do. Obviously. Enjoy it,
C
mentally. That’s the part I think you enjoy it. And for me, it’s devastating. I’m like, I have crushed all their hopes and dreams.
K
No, I don’t view see I don’t view it that way. So I hired my so I worked for a company that did that was applied behavior consultants, horrible company didn’t know then what I know now. And my, a really good friend of mine at the time, was working there. And then started working for me as a tutor, and did a great job in the tutoring business. And then I sold the tutoring business and rolled that I sold one aspect of it rolled the other aspects into another business. They did were not a good fit for the other business, right? And I talked to him about it. And I told you, they were like, thank you so much for finding me because I love you too much to quit, but this is such a bad fit for me and I’m so uncomfortable. I’m so unhappy. Yeah, and I’m like baby if it’s okay, sweetie, like that. This is life. Right?
C
Well, and I guess my current job I haven’t fired anybody and nobody who works, as reports me is at risk of being fired. But at my current company, I would view it as being a favor like it wouldn’t be a all of a sudden it would be, look, this isn’t working. Let’s plan your exit. Let’s get you set up for your next thing. Yes. Let’s set you free from this so that you can move on to a better thing. Absolutely. Very much like selling a business, I guess. Yes.
K
And so for me, I always look at like that, to me, it’s so much better to sit down and say, This isn’t working for me. Is it working for you? Because if it’s working for you, let’s talk about how we can make it work for me. Right? And let’s see if you can get there. And if you can’t get there, then let’s move you on to something else. Yeah. And we had that with the adjustment guidance with the Jasmine guidance employees. Yeah, we did. And you saw other business owners that wanted to be folded into adjustment guidance. And I don’t think your business is a good fit for that, right. But we can give it a try. And we had somebody who had an up and coming business and really felt like their business could get my business could get their business to the next level. And I said, you’re partnering with the wrong people go partner with these people instead. They’re like, but they intimidate me. So I said, right on, let’s partner together so that you can be under my umbrella. Right? And then I will help you transition to the better fit. And they moved on. And then sold their business. Like, they sold their business to the other company. And they were like, that was so cool.
C
And I think that’s the entrepreneurial bug is when you’re like, you know, I’m I’m not feeling running this business every day. Yeah. And people step up like with your tutoring company, you’re bought out by by the employees. Yes. Who formed a co op? That’s thing that was the best thing. That’s my favorite. Yeah.
K
So I like to hire entrepreneurs, people with an entrepreneurial spirit. And then I’d like to mentor them. And then I like to sell them the business and move on because I get bored of the business. But I always have my one mainstay that that gets my pocket. Yeah. And I feel like adjustment guidance is my mainstay that gets my pocket and lets me do outrageous things like open a press.
C
That’s ridiculous. It does give freedom and I think permanent resident Yeah,
K
mid opening a press. That’s ridiculous. It is. And then opening a magazine.
C
Right. But it’s the same thing as a press turned out not to be
K
well, I know authors. That’s That’s what I said. I know authors, and they they want to they want me to publish a lot of stories. And yeah, no, I don’t have any place to put them. Yes. I’m so sorry. I slurped as Jean Chatzky to get me more water. It’s bad. It’s a bad bad habit.
C
I’m gonna reveal the secret so much. So a big customer held out the glass to me afterward.
K
Yes. And I grabbed it and pulled it back. Because like, as I’m slurping, I tilt the glass. Pull a straw that isn’t even the full slurp that I do. And then I was like, Would you like some water, honey? And I’m like, Yes, I would. How did you know?
C
I’m your psychic friend?
K
Yes. How did you even know. So it’s really an exciting time. And I find it would be remiss if we didn’t talk a little bit about the holidays. Okay, and what the holidays are for me, I think of them as maximum Chad time.
C
Yes, you do think about the maximum chat time. So it’s important to align because my holidays don’t always match your holidays.
K
No, they don’t I work more during your holidays. You do? Because I have maximum chat? Yes, you do. And because I have you to bounce ideas off of like, is this a good idea is a bad idea?
C
What are our sleep patterns mean that sometimes you’re like, Hey, it’s 5am.
K
And I asked them like, Hey, can you change your sleep schedule so that you’re up at 5am? So I can talk to you? Yeah, because I’m waking up at 2am. And that those three hours are hard. hours, I suppose if I want to do something I don’t know how to do yet. And I can’t google my way into figuring it out. And that’s usually when I want to program something. Yes. And I don’t know how to write code something. As a dyslexic. There is the Dyslexic sky to to writing code and there are dyslexic coders. I’m not one of them. Yeah. And I don’t jive with that. And so like
C
when I get up, I can find a programmer and like figure out how to hire them and all that.
K
So I think everybody at cinnabar moth publishing is going to be shocked because I’m doing a revamp over the break and And the team knows in January that I may have changed everything, you over their holiday, you’re
C
generally pretty nice about work expectations. So I I’d be surprised if their actual working day changed very much.
K
Yeah, no, they’re working day won’t change. But the way that cinnabar moth is presented will change, I’m going to go in and change everything right. And what it is, is getting ready for a handover. And I think that people are going to freak out. That is being handed over. Because one thing they know with me at the helm, that it there’s a rigidity, but that rigidity creates consistency. Yes. But, you know, I, I love cinnabar moth publishing, I’m still going to do the twitter i i love doing cinnabar moth publishing Twitter, I’m still going to be involved in the company, I’m just not going to be as involved because I need to make room to do some other stuff. Yeah. And during the holiday break, I’m going to figure out how to make that room. And that’s very much hot was in the United States.
C
Yeah. And I think has a physical component to st make your room because people know, I think if you listen to previous episodes, you know, our building has been under construction, which thankfully now is like, nearly over there’s supposed to be gone by Friday.
K
So yes, their permit expires. So they’re working Saturday and Sunday. But
C
we took advantage of the construction at the start. They said, Hey, we’re going to have dumpsters or skips or whatever.
K
To get rid of some stuff that we we did a huge purge
C
that we weren’t using anymore that we had inquired, and nobody wanted to buy or even take for free. Yeah. And it just gave us more room to work. And I feel like business can be the same way. You don’t want to throw it in a dumpster. You want to pass it on to somebody who’s earned it or have somebody buy it or something. Yeah, but clearing up that mental space gives you room to work.
K
Yeah. And so for me, I don’t let go of the personal relationships. Like I know, there’s some opposite and say what I prefer working with you are going to be other authors that Oh, thank goodness, I’m not working with you. And that’s natural in business and right, it’s going to be some authors that, wait a minute, you’re not fully cooked. And you have to stay with me because you’re not fully cooked. And I finished projects out and and so the there’s like
C
some, ya know, that things hang on. Like I was tutoring during my PhD. Yeah. And there’s
K
one tutoring during your time at your previous employer.
C
I’m saying I’ve been tutoring since then. Yeah. Um, there’s one recently tutored someone. Yes, I have. Yeah. But there’s one client. I was tutoring during my PhD. That roster now has been tutoring for almost 10 years. Yes. Because we don’t burn people in relationships. And I think that’s one of the things that I like about how you do business is that you don’t you do your best to not burn people. Yes. Like if people come in toxic and poisonous on fire, you’re gonna like put them out and send them on their way. Yes. But people that you have a good relationship with that relationship doesn’t end just because you are moving on from day to day running the business.
K
So it’s something that I’d love about Japan, that I don’t like about the United States. So there was an if y’all follow cinnabar moth on Twitter, then you or the music’s, if you follow us on Twitter, you know that there’s been beef with authors, right. And there was one author who quit and laughed and wanted nothing to do with us. And then went around trying to get every author to leave us because they were unhappy. And they cast it differently. They can tell their own story. In Japan, that doesn’t happen. Because even if it’s true, if you say it, I can sue you. And you have to pay my lawyer fees, you’ll have to pay my court fees, and you will have to put out a public letter of apology, you will have to retract what you said. Yeah,
C
the quick way to say it is that in Japan, slander and libel, truth is not a defense.
K
Correct. So I do miss that. But I I do wish that was everywhere. But I so have zero fucks to give about what someone says about me. Because if I believe one of two things will happen. One You either believe what that person says you were negatively primed against me and you have no interest in getting to know me or two. So I guess three or two you will get to know me too. And you have your own original experience with me because you value knowing your own version of the truth. and your own understanding of what went down. And then three, you know me?
C
Yeah. And I think there’s also four, I think there’s that you know that the dynamics between two people are different than the people themselves. Yes, there can be to perfectly nice people who have a terrible dynamic between
K
them. Yes. And so I find it interesting the, because there’s a group of people who have taken the other person’s side, and there’s a group people who have taken my side. And I didn’t ask anybody to take sides. And
C
the whole thing about taking sides so when we met, you said, if you ever asked me to take sides between you and somebody else, I’m gonna choose them because whoever asked me to take sides, yeah, not on their side.
K
Yes, I guess they’re not on my side.
C
I think you told me that within like five minutes of meeting you. Like ham Christopher as like, I’m Chad used to take sides is not you
K
know, once I liked you, you as a person, like once I like someone as a person, I on a personal level, I tell them, like, especially in friend groups, like if y’all have beef, y’all have beef, that has nothing to do with me. That’s not my, that’s not my relationship with you. And there’s a really beautiful person in my life that’s really close to the person that I’m talking about. Yeah. And they’re so beautiful, that they’re keeping that relationship and they’re keeping their relationship with me. And they’re, they know that there’s two different things. Now, I know that the other person still talks about me. I don’t talk about them ever, except for here and where they can’t know who I’m talking about. And I know it never comes up with the person and I know that their friends, I don’t ask about them. I’m not curious. I know that dynamic exists. And my view is, if I like you shouldn’t I want and I care about you? Shouldn’t I want you to have as much positivity in your life as possible. And if that person is toxic, isn’t that your responsibility to get them out of your life? So I’m not your therapist, and our friend, I’m not trying to limit you or control you.
C
And sometimes the dynamic is what’s toxic and rather than aimed at people, I, I’ve seen you and I don’t know which came first the skill of of keeping these things separate? Or the therapy part but I feel like they played off of each other very well. Yeah. Because you so compartmentalize people and their relationships to you, rather than saying who they are. You say who they are to you. And so with the therapy practice, you never talked about your clients. And sometimes they would come to me, like, I would know them social. Yeah. And they would tell me how Christopher has been working, you know, over the last five years as far as like helping turn what? Like you didn’t know kisser was my therapist.
K
No reason to idea. No reason to competence. Yeah, is my bread and butter. So I feel like for you. I feel like you’ve actually come more into your own in Japan. But I think that has to do with age.
C
I do think that you were 23 when I’m yeah, when we that I was 23
K
and I’ll say it today, but only for today. Okay, you’re 46
C
I am 46 I’m double the age I was when we met.
K
Yes. So seeing you have been with me for over half of your life. Yes. Every time that comes up, I have to be like cannibalistic or monster. Like that’s my monster voice. I feel like it’s not my vampire voice. It’s my monster voice
C
See, I wasn’t gonna say vampire voice. I was gonna say your nose for Ratu voice.
K
And you know going to be with this new. I am a cannibalistic monster, but I am not in the vampiric family.
C
You’re like a ghoul?
K
Yes, I’m very ghoulish. I’m a ghoul sucking away your youth. I told you. I’m like, whatever those things are in Dark Crystal.
C
This galaxy?
K
Yeah. Let’s get to anger. gelfling. Yeah. And like anybody who’s seen you over, our relationship knows I have sucked away all of your youth.
C
I know. I look like 20 years older than me and that it’s wild.
K
You had over 20 years. You look over 20 years older. We’ve been together for more than a little so this has been a wild ramble about just me being hyper and energetic. And I know. Yeah. And I know I price that a lot without saying anything. And well just know all about me
C
and just know that my vacation has started for the end of the year. So Kisstopher’s had maximum Chad for a couple of days.
K
Yes, I’ve got the redness is what we call it. And I think that since the main episode was completely all about kiss for if you want to know all about tagging to false on over to the tape too. And we’re going to talk about What Chad does for cinnabar moth polishing, because I think the things that you’re stepping into are helping me step away. Yeah, I think as well because you’re going to be supporting more. And that helps. So we love all of our beautiful music notes. And thank you so much for listening and making us in the top 10 I’m Claire FM’s for podcasts about Japan. And we hope that you have an amazing holiday and if you don’t celebrate the holiday, we hope that you have an amazing day and that you are feeling loved and feeling safe and feeling chairs not an easy time of year and we hope that you’re staying safe. Bye bye
K
So lately I’ve been thinking about the things that I actually really enjoy about America. I feel like last week, I was like really hard on the US. But it hurt my heart: some things that happened that really hurt my heart. And when those types of things happen, I get really angry at America. And, you know, we keep it real, just what it is. But there are some things I really love about the United States. What about you?
C
Yeah, there are things that I love. And I actually miss.
K
Yeah, there are some things I miss too. And this is not going to be a shocker to anybody. I miss all the food. I just miss every, every kind of food. Because here. So for me, I have a thing about textures. And authentic Chinese food has – a lot of it has a really mucousy texture. And I just can’t do that. It’s just not for me. Not all of it, but a lot of it. And in the United States – the the dim sum in Japan versus the dim sum in the United States. The Chinese Japanese fusion is just I don’t know, I just I can’t understand it.
C
Well, in Japan is close enough to that they don’t just do Chinese generally, they’ll do like Japanese Shanghai, fusion, or Japanese Hong Kong fusion or.
K
Yeah.
C
And Japanese food is very regional too. It’s not a monolith. I think there’s only that one kind that mainstream, like non Chinese owned restaurants in the US all have the same view.
K
Like I think I like specifically South Bay, California, South Bay, Northern California, South Bay, Chinese food. I do not enjoy the Chinese food in San Francisco.
C
Yeah.
K
So I do enjoy the Chinese food in it, the East Bay, but it’s a Afro Chinese fusion. And I really dig that, because I like soul food. And I also like African food a lot. And so it’s really cool to have like, soul food and African food mixed with Chinese food. The take on it is really interesting, because I was surprised at how similar a lot of Chinese and African foods are in terms of flavor profile. But not texture profile. So I don’t know it’s really interesting. So yeah, I really miss the US food. Just I miss food.
C
And I think specifically that San Francisco Bay Area, the variety there. Like I don’t
K
So, my favorite restaurant is in San Francisco. So I miss Cha Cha Chas.
C
Yeah, I’m saying like, where I grew up in Fairbanks. I don’t think you’d miss the food from there. Because it’s all just very much like, Denny’s level. There are a couple of good restaurants but nothing we can’t get here. I think what we could get in, in San Jose and that area was we could say okay, tonight we want to have you know, Ethopian food. Really in the mood for some, some samosa.
K
Yeah.
C
And tonight we want to have, you know, Chinese food or tonight we want to have sushi or like whatever we’re in the mood for is available. And here, even when we feel comfortable going out it’s very limited.
K
Well and two, the – it’s very different because like the Korean barbecue doesn’t have any of the heat. So there’s no spicy if I feel like the Korean barbecue here is really bland.
C
It is. Yeah.
K
That’s an offer that has different cuts of meat. I really enjoy.
C
I feel like the Korean barbecue here, which is mostly Japanese owned doesn’t have the variety of kimchi that the place that we went to in California had. Where there were like, different kimchis available to put with it. Different things, so…. I didn’t like it until I tried it there. And I was like, Ooh, authentic. Korean kimchi is good. I don’t like
K
It’s really good.
C
Yeah.
K
So the first time we ever had authentic kimchi, was when we flew on a Korean Air airplane.
C
Yeah.
K
And we were feeling like all excited going to Korea so we’re like, we’ll have the Korean menu please. And then I had like authentic. So I was like if airplane authentic Korean kimchi is good, then you know it’s gonna be good. Like when you get it someplace, you know, someplace a little bit more upscale than an airplane’s food.
C
It is not just sauerkraut with red food dye.
K
Right. So it’s – so I really enjoy authentic kimchi. I like the flavor profile. I like the texture. I don’t like the smell. But
C
You’re not a fan of the vinegar smell. You know I
K
I can’t eat it a lot because my body reacts badly to vinegar, but I can have like a little, just a little taste of it. And so, along with along the same lines of like missing food is y’all know I’m always complained about the grocery store here. Like something so just that’s like working my nerves right now, I’m on like this bagel tear. I’m loving bagels. But legitimately to get bagels, I have to order them three days in advance. They don’t have like, you can’t get like a bag of bagels
C
And not from the grocery store.
K
Right.
C
Rasta goes all the way across town to get them from the one place that you can be guaranteed to get bagels if you order three days in advance.
K
Yes. And they boiled them, which I think is cool, but they under boil them. So there’s always like one little raw stripe.
C
Yeah, they don’t have that kind of really chewy texture of the New York bagels.
K
Not at all. And so in California, there’s tons of bagel shops, and you can get all kinds of different bagels. Like these bagels are healthier, and there are good things about them. But just the ridiculousness of ordering bagels three days in advance,
C
I feel like something that we don’t talk about a lot, is that the homogenization of culture here means that everything is homogenized – like the food is very homogenized.
K
Yeah.
C
And it’s got all kinds of limited time flavors and seasonality. But that doesn’t take away the fact that everything basically has the same palette behind it.
K
Yeah. And so I do miss the diversity. I also miss you know, the consistency in the grocery store. And I miss things like cereal, and – I have to sneeze, excuse me. And I miss the familiarity. And I don’t know for me, I miss the the shelving. It’s like really weird. I don’t like the way the shelving is done in Japan. I think. So there are staples in Japan that are always available that you can get every time I’m here all day, no matter what. Oddly, taco flavored Doritos is one of them but cheese flavored Doritos.
C
No, no. That’s not true because there are times that I go to open bag of Doritos and Rasta’s like, oh yeah, they didn’t have taco, so I substituted.
K
Okay, but they – but like cheese classic Doritos. No.
C
Right.
K
So I miss like junk food. I also I really do miss junk food. Y’all know, I would just do anything for a Slurpee.
C
And Japan absolutely has enormous amounts of junk food.
K
Yeah, enormous amounts of junk food, but it’s just not to my palate at all. So I don’t have anything. Like I don’t have comfort foods. I can cook my own comfort foods. But
C
No, I know. Like, what I wouldn’t give for chicken fried steak with white gravy and biscuits.
K
Right. That’s some get down right there. So for me, I think that it being this time of year specifically with seasonal foods. I missed the smell of foods I don’t enjoy. Which is a weird
C
Like you miss the smell of me drinking eggnog?
K
I do. I miss a smell eggnog.
C
I should look up a recipe because that one we could make here. That one’s not too complicated.
K
Like everything we could make here.
C
Nah, I feel like some of the things are like,
K
We can’t make – well, I can make pie from scratch. But like making pie crust from scratch. That’s a lot, especially because we don’t have any counterspace. So, I would have to buy a marble slab to put on our kitchen table to have enough room. And we are our counter in our kitchen is marble.
C
It’s not marble.
K
It’s not? It’s marbelite?
C
Yeah, it’s the fake marble. Yeah.
K
So it’s formica?
C
It is not formica. Formica is a laminate. It’s solid all the way through. It’s basically pressed glued marble powder.
K
Okay, so I feel like I could clean it up. But there’s not there literally, like if we took everything off our counter. There’s still literally not enough room to roll out a pie crust.
C
Yes.
K
It is not big enough to roll out a pie crust.
C
You’d have to stand in the dining room and lean over the thing that separates the kitchen and the dining room.
K
No, that’s not even big enough. I would have to put – I would have to buy a marble slab. Put it on the kit, the dining room table, and roll it out there. And so a lot of stuff. I just don’t do it because I don’t cook so much stuff because one we’re cooking in Celsius and we have a microwave oven combination. So everyone’s like, just look up how long to cook it in Celsius. No because it doesn’t actually get to the temperature that it says it gets to in Celsius.
C
We set things to 250. And it’s like, I might get there eventually.
K
Yeah, so you can’t, and it’s inconsistent. So I miss consistent baking, the ability to bake something consistently.
C
I feel like our oven and stove and everything is all designed to not allow us to set the apartment on fire. Like everything has a timer, everything has automatic shut offs, has very strict ideas about how you should cook things. Like
K
Well and two, it’s inconsistent. But I cut you off. What were you gonna say like, what?
C
Like, if I want to make the the chicken and peanuts dish.
K
Yeah.
C
I make it in a wok. And the first thing I do is I start by smoking the oil just a little bit. But if I do that too much, the stove is like, sorry, your pan is too hot. You don’t get any more fire.
K
Yes. And it will not turn back on and it’s so annoying. And then like the microwave oven. So it’s a microwave and a baking oven. And the microwave works consistently.
C
But it’s very low power. It’s like 300 watts. So you look on microwave popcorn, it’s like if you have this set it for 40 seconds. If you have this set it for one minute. We do the popcorn for five minutes.
K
Five and a half. Sometimes. I like minute five and a half. Yeah. Sometimes. Five – 5:40
C
You have to do this very specific thing. Flattening out the popcorn so there’s no layers and putting out on a piece of ceramic which gets super hot because of the microwave, so that it will actually pop. It’s – it’s a whole thing.
K
Yes. But we still eat – we figured out – so we broke the code on the microwave popcorn and I share it with my foreign friends all the time. And they’re like no way. Because you can get microwave popcorn in Japan, you can also get Jiffy Pop in Japan.
C
In fifteen yearsm I have seen Jiffy Pop once, and we bought
K
They hhave it at Fronte but it’s super expensive.
C
Okay.
K
So it’s overpriced for like growing up in America. I’m sorry. You’re just not – you’re not going to get me to pay between six and seven bucks for a thing of Jiffy Pop.
C
And you can get pre pop popcorn here.
K
Yes, but it’s gross, because it’s not the texture is weird.
C
But it’s the same brand as Mike’s. It’s the exact same brand isn’t available in the US and pre popped.
K
I’ve never enjoyed pre popped.
C
I know you haven’t.
K
I’ve never enjoyed pre popped.
C
I’m hearing the kernel of truth in that.
K
Yeah. So please laugh for him Because I didn’t think that was funny. It’s funny that I didn’t think it was funny. So when I tell Americans like how to do it, they’re like what, and I said it works best if you have a specific plate to it’s not just any plate, you have to turn a Japanese ceramic curry plate upside down. So that the inside where you would like put your food is facing down so that the raised part is up. And then you have to flatten out your popcorns so that it’s single – one kernel per thing. Open it up all the way, make sure that are no folds at all to challenge the popping, and then put it on that and and you know time it.
C
And be ready for it to break too. We broke three plates before we like maybe we should stop using full plates. So now we just have a half plate from the last one that broke.
K
Yeah, we do cuz we’re ghetto like that.
C
We keep it real.
K
Yeah, we do. So I I missed the convenience of being able to bake. And then the oven’s really small. Like I think I can bake like entire chicken but I couldn’t make a turkey.
C
Well, the chicken would look like a turkey.
K
It would. It’s so small. And the stovetop is so small. We have three burners, and one burner is a half burner. Like I don’t know, like what the point of that third burner is, because you cannot put three pounds on and cook at once. So in the United States, I could cook four pounds at once. It was big enough. And we had a grill so I could be baking something in the oven cooking four pans worth of food and grilling something. And so it was a great house to throw parties and because we could cook like that.
C
Yeah.
K
So I really – I miss the house. Like during this time of year. I miss the house immensely. Because I want to cook that comfort food I want to have because I don’t celebrate the holidays. But I’d like holiday foods.
C
Yeah.
K
And I do like turkey, but I only like turkey breasts. So in the United States, you can get Turkey just turkey breasts.
C
Yeah, you just go buy it.
K
Yeah, and we could make turkey breasts here but you can’t find turkey breasts.
C
You have to order from an import shop and like it’s possible but it’s very expensive and it’s
K
So bad for the earth. The carbon footprint for that. It’s not worth it.
C
Well, yes, but also – so it’s not something you can do on a whim. It’s just like the bagels. You can’t decide, hey, I’d like bagels. I’m going to have bagels. Oh, I have a bagel. Oh, that was delicious.
K
Yeah, no, I need to know three days in advance that I want a bagel and how many of them I want, and they they turn really fast. So you can
C
Good news, no preservatives. Bad news. On day three. They’re molded.
K
Yeah. So that’s really challenging. Not having – I’m just really spoiled from America. I know we talk about it a lot on the podcast. And I know that in the United States, there’s a lot of food insecurity. And that’s a different type of food insecurity. And I know that I’m really privileged to be complaining about having to order bagels because I’m able to order bagels because we don’t live in a food desert.
C
Right.
K
So I get the privilege and I get you know, might not be here for me whining about that.
C
Here’s something I miss though.
K
What?
C
English.
K
Yeah, I miss English too.
C
I don’t have any criticism about people in Japan speaking Japanese. This is not they should know English or anything. This is I miss the assumption that everybody knows English until they say otherwise. But I was able to have in the US.
K
Yeah.
C
Cuz here it’s the opposite. It’s nobody knows English unless they say otherwise. Which I think I might have told the story. But I went to school. And for two years, I only spoke to the departmental secretary. Like, in Japanese. And when I graduated, she said, I hope you have an enjoyable career. And like, I was like you speak English? Yeah, you know, I lived there for a decade and I’m completely fluent. Like, but you never said anything. You didn’t ask me. And I miss just being able to assume that people speak English in the US. And if they don’t, I don’t hate. I get it.
K
I miss slang. You know, I’m a big lover of slang. And for me, I miss -I miss my roots. I miss my connection. I miss being – I miss Northern California, I miss the Northern California, LGBTQIA+ community, we have our own slang, we have our own shorthand, we have our own language. And when it’s just us, it’s so comfortable. And I love you being included in our community, and accepted in our community. And being able to use the language and all of that and not being tokenly accepted for people like honoring the fact that you are part of the community and getting that you’re part of the community. So for me,
C
Just to be very clear, like using languages things like hella, and skrill. It’s not racial slurs or anything, just because I’m hearing people like I’m part of the community, so I can use that language.
K
I miss people calling me girlfriend.
C
Yeah.
K
And calling you their sister.
C
Yeah, I don’t miss that. But that’s okay. Like, I’m not mad about it doesn’t bother me. But we’re
K
I miss the intimacy of like, my folks like, going up to hugging you and kissing you and being like, hey, sis, like hugging me kissing me and being like, hey sis and hugging and kissing you and being like hey sis.
C
Yeah.
K
Because it’s not gendered. It’s just saying, you’re my family. And I miss that. I don’t have my extended chosen family around me. And I miss that. And I also miss the black community because I’m really light skinned. And being light skin can be very triggering for people who have suffered from colorism and don’t know you. And even though they want to know you, and they want to accept you, you can see the pain that your skin is causing them. And it’s really, really hard. It’s really, really painful. And as a therapist, I had clients that would come in and see me and talk about colorism and cry about how much sitting across from me hurt them. Because I’m light skinned with light eyes and fairly straight hair. And so,
C
Okay, and you know, I was never in any of your therapy sessions.
K
No.
C
But in my mentoring, I have that same thing. Not they didn’t direct that at me because they didn’t see me as being anything like
K
Yeah.
C
But the being from an English speaking country that isn’t recognized as an English speaking country. Like, I had several people from Jamaica that I mentored, for example,
K
See me and the Jamaicans are cool, we can roll right. I love the Jamaica – so when they come from a predominantly black country, they don’t – except for the South Africans like, I mess with the South, the South Africans a lot. I’m confusing because I’m a crime for the age that I am, and they just don’t see a lot of mixed people thet are comfortable with saying that they’re black and not trying to pass and not afraid. Just like, yeah, no, I mixed and – but I was, you know, barely born after
C
Loving.
K
Loving. So, for me like, it’s weird being in the community, because the Americans are very triggered by me. The Canadians, not as much. The Australians… it’s weird. The Australians like don’t know how to take me.
C
Yeah.
K
And that kind of fracture. Like, I still love all – my all my beautiful black family here. But I miss the comfort and ease of black is brown is tan. We have like every shade in in our group. And so we have like, we always joke that we have from sunrise to, you know, midnight. And that’s a joke that we can tell and it doesn’t hurt anybody’s feelings. Because we have a friend that like openly identifies as midnight. And we like saying, you know, we have a friend that’s like really proud of being blurple. And like, and that’s a saying that we have of love, like you’re so black, you’re purple. But that’s sexy, and they know that we’re saying like you are the pinnacle of sexiness, like oh my god, but you have to lotion up like you are oiled up. That is so – and they know that they’re like the pinnacle of sexy. So in our group, the darkest skin is the sexiest skin. And they know that and they’re confident about it. And they know it’s not me trying to overcompensate for being light skin
C
Well and here. I think the thing is, is the our group part
K
The what?
C
The our group apart. I think part of what I miss about the US is not standing out in a crowd. Like no matter where I go, here, I am a spectacle. You are a spectacle.
K
I’m not a spectacle everywhere I go. When I go with you.
C
When you go with me, you are a spectacle.
K
I’m not a spectacle. Your beard is a spectacle. And your beard in the United States would be a spectacle. As long as your beard is now anywhere you go. Because your beard comes midway down your chest, your beard is almost to your stomach, it gets to thin out your stomach, you need to trim it.
C
If I pull it down?
K
Oh my gosh. Oh, my gosh, that’s just so I’m so happy we’re not videotaping this, they would have felt so sad for you. Like everybody should feel bad for Chad on that one.
C
It’s long enough that it never shows up at the end of it on Zoom sessions or Google Meet.
K
Which is a weird thing to be proud of
C
Why? I spend so much of my time on video chat.
K
You do. You do. But it gets really thin. Like you could cut two inches off.
C
I probably will right after this. Maybe I’ll do it during this when you when you start talking. I’m just going to cut it while you’re talking.
K
No because if you cut, I’m like why’d you cut it? So I like it. I like it. But yeah, I do miss that sometimes I do miss my roots. I do miss my people. And my tribe. And I don’t I don’t have that. I don’t have a tribe here. Everybody’s so transient. Like someone who’s been here for 32 years can just up and leave. Japanese nationals just up in the people just leave at a rate that I just wasn’t used to in the United States. Like everyone in our crew. You know, I had known them, most of them since I was a teenager. And they were just our people. They were our crew. And you had known them since your early 20s.
C
Yeah.
K
And there was that just a lot of unspoken understanding. And I miss that unspoken understanding. And getting me and accepting me and loving me. I don’t feel like I’m 100%. myself with anyone here. I don’t feel like – and I because it’s so complex to explain who I am to someone. Whereas somebody who knew us before we were together as a married couple. They just get us.
C
I think too, there’s the difference in expectations of intimacy and authenticity. And I think we’ve talked before about like the hone and the tatemae in the terms of the Japanese like your true self and your public facing self.
K
Yeah.
C
I don’t think we’ve talked so much about how it is a demand that you have a public facing self and that you not be your true self with people. Like it is insulting to be your true self with people.
K
Yes.
C
In contrast for the US, they’d be like, oh, you’re being real with me. I really appreciate that. I feel so much closer to you. Here, they’re like, how dare you presume to be your real self? Put the mask back on.
K
And not hanging out in people’s houses. You know, I’m a homebody. I’m sickly. I’ve always been sickly. And I miss not having a bunch of folks coming over.
C
Yeah.
K
And I you know what I really miss? I miss not being able to invite people to a dirty house.
C
Yeah.
K
Because that’s how the I roll with my folks. Like,
C
You can come over, you can see that I haven’t had the energy to clean.
K
Yeah, and they wouldn’t care.
C
And like some of your friends when I met to come over and do your laundry and things.
K
Yeah. I had a whole support crew, people who just loved me, I felt so beloved. And so when I go off about America, like I won’t ever live in the United States again, and seeing the United States from the inside out. And being away from those things. It’s just, it’s because I’m going through it alone here. Like the people who I know in the US, like, we’ve all – we’ve all seen each other go through similar things.
C
Yeah.
K
And so we know each other’s history. And like, they know, I’ve been harassed. And everyone’s like, did you really need to have the talk with with Rasta? Like I had people ask me that here. And in the United States, everybody would know, yes, I need to have a talk with Rasta because, you know,
C
Yeah, I think there is a sense, looking from the outside. We have the social circle in the US, and it was great. And it’s got all of these things. But part of the reason our social circle is there is because anything outside the circle is very unsafe.
K
Yes.
C
And so here, the circle is small, like if we just comfined ourselves to Americans, the Americans who live in Japan are different.
K
Yeah, the Americans who live in Japan and are not safe to me. I don’t feel safe around them.
C
I’m not saying they’re safe. I’m saying they’re different in aggregate than the Americans who live in America. aAd this is true for every country, it’s not specific to Americans, like every person from Iran that I’ve met, I’ve really gotten along with them. I don’t assume that means I would get along with Iranians in Iran, because it’s a different like to leave your country. You are a different sort of person than the majority of the population who don’t leave their country. Here like the Americans on aggregate are just.. angry, striving. Many of them are angry that they are not in charge. Many of them like when I say I miss English, they do have the and therefore Japanese people should speak English or they are stupid kind of mentality. So yeah, it’s
K
It’s weird to me to see Americans here who hate Japan. And I feel like if you’re American, so for me, I don’t live in America because I couldn’t take it anymore.
C
Right.
K
And I’m in Japan, and Japan has a lot of the same problems as the US. But they’re not directed at me.
C
Yes.
K
It’s not pointed at me. So I’m not saying that Japan is a Shangri La oasis. If you’re a white person, Japan is hard. Japan is hard. Even if you’re not white, Japan is hard.
C
It has been voted worst place in Asia to work as an expatriate. Which the word expatriate is its own thing, but
K
And so I think for a lot of people having all that white privilege stripped from them.
C
Yeah.
K
All at once and immediately and up in your face… is really hard. For me, I didn’t have any privilege stripped from me. I actually gained privilege. Like I don’t. In the US, I could pass if I did some adjustments. But I don’t. I just feel like passing is a dangerous thing to do – passing for something or not. And we talked on the podcast, in Japan I have to fight not to pass. And like I’m not I’m not playing though for real.
C
I’m not passing go, I’m not collecting $200.
K
Right. So for me, there’s like those deeper things that I miss. But there’s also like little trivial things that I miss. So we’ve talked about before how in Japan they do illuminations.
C
Yeah.
K
Which I thought would be Christmas lights. And they’re not Christmas lights. And I miss driving. And I miss driving around the neighborhood and seeing all the Christmas lights, which are a little bit ironic, because we didn’t light up our house ever. We put zero lights on our house.
C
Yeah.
K
We were dragging the – and we lived in a court. And everybody was like really annoyed with us, except the
C
You’re reducing our average bulbs per house.
K
Yeah, and so the Asian family like, like four doors down, there was an Asian family that didn’t celebrate the holidays. And we have so much solidarity, but we only spoke to each other or like acknowledge each other in the month of December.
C
Yeah.
K
Because we were not lining up our houses. And we would just like nod when we see each other and be like, you know, you don’t have to light up your house. It’s your house kind of energy. And also, like, we just put a bowl outside which we might just put an empty bowl, but we did fill it up with candy, but the first person who came – selfish, horrible people
C
Some years it would last like 20 minutes before somebody just took all the candy.
K
Yeah. And so we did that so our house wouldn’t get egged. That’s the only reason. And when the bowl was empty, everyone was like, oh, dang. And so our house wouldn’t get egged. Like, I don’t miss that. I don’t miss having to have a bowl of candy on a specific day outside my door so my house didn’t get egged.
C
Okay. Give us candy.
K
I don’t miss that. I do miss living in a house. And I do miss Christmas lights. And I do miss – I, you know, I miss the court. And we had horrible. I’ve talked about having horrible people living on the court. But I miss it. I just do. I – it was so 0 life has been so unpredictable with them working on the building. They’re working – so I’ve talked about it a lot on Twitter. They’re working on the building, and it doesn’t feel like home anymore.
C
Right.
K
And I think maybe once I stopped working at the on the building, it’ll feel like home again. But it’s been really invasive for an entire month. There’s been people walking on our balcony,
C
And like at 9am on Sunday to hear just like banging. Stop, I get that you’re behind because they’re only working six days. And then the deadline is approaching because they only have a building permit for another two weeks.
K
Yes.
C
So the deadline is approaching which means are working longer hours, they’re working Sundays, I’m like, I don’t have sympathy. I just have annoyance.
K
And they put a sealant on our door yesterday. And they put two coats on. And each time they put a coat on the door has to stay open for five hours. So our front door had to be open for 10 hours yesterday.
C
Yeah.
K
And they put the sealant on twice. And the sealant was so noxious and poisonous that you know, even though it’s super cold out, we had to open up all the windows and close that half the house. So, you know, bless Rasta’s heart. He came over the house. We turn on the heat, even though he was in a room with windows, horrible humans destroying the earth I know. And he wrapped up in a blanket and took a nap. But he was the deterrant. Because in Japan, people will just walk in to your house. And then as soon as they see you, they walk into your entryway and as soon as they see you they stop, but they will continue walking until they see someone.
C
Yeah. What, I’m just in the entryway.
K
Yeah, like I haven’t taken my shoes off.
C
I’m just in the genkan. No, it is not a public space. That is still our private space.
K
Yeah. So I – we only had one friend in the United States that would just walk in our house.
C
Yeah.
K
I miss that: the people knowing that our property line is our property line.
C
Yeah, when I was little, my brothers and I – slightly older brother and slightly younger brother. We’d go like to different friend’s houses and play. And my younger brother used to just walk into people’s houses. And so one of one of our friend’s mother told him – told him you have to knock before you walk in. So the next time he just knocked and then walked in.
K
That’s so his personality.
K
Yeah.
K
The one that used to eat tubs of butter, right?
C
Yeah. So I feel like Japan is very much like that. They ring our bell, which doesn’t work. Like our bell is physically broken.
K
Yeah.
C
And then when we don’t answer they’re like, oh, this is an invitation to walk in. No.
K
So for me, I miss the familiarity. I miss – I miss my chosen family. I don’t miss my blood relatives because the – I miss my extended blood relatives because I really enjoyed my second cousins. I didn’t I don’t really know any of my first cousins,
C
Well and you’re talking the distance wasn’t that big.
K
No. And they are really, really close to my grandparents. And I’m really missing my grandparents this year.
C
Yeah.
K
I’m really missing them. I wish they were still alive and I wish We could still go over there when none of my cousins were living with them.
C
Right.
K
That was the best. Whenever one of my cousins were living with them, it was awful. Because my grandfather was miserable. And he hated doing that. But my grandmother would not let any family member ever be homeless. Even though I was homeless, I just didn’t go live with them. I could have I just didn’t, which just now dawned on me, I didn’t. So the point of this podcast is say that there’s pluses and minuses to every to both countries. It’s not any one country is perfect. It’s just right now where we are in our lives, and with everything that’s going on in the world, Japan is the best place for us. And also, I have a fantasy life that Japan really allows me to live like when things get good. We can go to places in the world that I’ve always wanted to go and get there more conveniently.
C
Yeah.
K
There’s hope – we can get to Europe so quick. And I absolutely love Spain, and I want to go to Spain again. And getting to Australia isn’t a 24 hour journey.
C
Right.
K
So being from California, it’s really challenging to travel anywhere. Because
C
You get to Hawaii, but to even get across the US is a five hour flight of minimum.
K
Yeah. And so we did a lot of the countries, we did a lot of island countries.
C
Yeah.
K
And we did eat some in South America as well. And we did, we did go to Europe. But it’s so expensive, and it’s so hard to do. And being in Japan, we can travel more. And my thing is now that our son is grown, like he’s really grown, he’s 27. I would you know, when when the world is safe to travel again. I would really like us, like when we know for sure, Japan’s not going to close its borders randomly with 10 hours notice. I would like to travel again.
C
Yeah.
K
But Japan does burnt stuff to like, closing its borders with 10 hours notice. If you’re not a Japanese citizen, that’s burnt, racist and xenophobic.
C
Yeah.
K
I’ll call it what it is, that’s wrong. And also like cheating anyone who paid tuition to come to study in Japan. Japan just decided, no, and Japan decided if you’re not here for the term that you signed up for, we’re not going to roll it over.
C
Right.
K
So you’re just screwed out of that money you paid. And you don’t get to come here. And you don’t get that education that that you purchased and a lot of students are being completely screwed over. So I don’t want Americans to think that I think Japan is perfect. I don’t.
C
Yeah, it’s got good and bad parts. But I feel like our profile in Japan is pretty much neutral. Like, we can avoid most of the bad parts. We don’t get the full benefit of some of the good parts. There’s like nothing terribly what there’s nothing terribly dangerous. There’s nothing terribly wonderful.
K
Yeah.
C
And for the most part, that’s not too bad. But sometimes it gets kind of lonely. Like we can’t have this really awesome experience that we could have in the US. As compensation, we are not subject to this really awful experience.
K
Yeah.
C
But, you know, sometimes I want to just have the good parts.
K
And I missed the familiarity with what the geographic diversity would mean. So like, we live really close to Gifu.
C
Yeah.
K
And I don’t get it like I get the geographic diversity between Nagoya and Gifu. But I don’t get what Gifu’s offering. I don’t get what Gifu’s serving. Like they have Gifu Castle and the part below Gifu Castle is really beautiful, but I don’t know what else Gifu has going on. And I don’t really like know beyond the touristy stuff what Nara has going on. And when Rasta was dating, I would learn deeper stuff because I’ll be – we can say this now that Rasta doesn’t want to get married, but anyone who ever dated Rasta, I planned every single date they went on. And so people like – Rasta’s girlfriends would be why are you calling your mother?
C
Okay, you romantic, romantic man?
K
They’d be like, why are you calling your mother? Well, because I’m checking in to see is the date going right? And I make sure that they’re saying the things that he’s supposed to say and doing the things that he’s supposed to do. Like you know, he took someone to oshibori and I planned that date. I told him what pattern to pick.
C
Yeah, for the tye-dye.
K
I told him how to do it told him what to do when the tie dye arrived, told him like – so that was like a three week, three week long series of dates. And so every date he’s ever gone on, I have planned it. He has not planned any of his dates, and all of his communications, I would tell him, it’s time for you to text your girl. How you talk to your girl today. This is the conversation that you need to have with your girl. And I’ve been very directive because Rasta thought he wanted to get married. And I’ve been telling Rasta for forever, that he needs to be poly.
C
Yeah.
K
Because we were poly when we met. And I just think like, aside from Chad, I don’t see anyone else that would fully satisfy me. I just there’s – and so for me being poly I think is, is really awesome. And there’s a huge poly community in Japan. And there’s, you know, swinging clubs in Japan. And I told Rasta you need to find, you need to find yourself a black girl. Because your hair – you need someone who like when they play with your hair, they don’t jack it up. Because the Japanese girls like don’t get it.
C
Yeah.
K
They don’t get it. They’re so confused by the different textures. Because he has like what I call his soft spots. And that’s where his hair get is actually a different thickness.
C
Yeah.
K
And he has like three textures in his hair I think that are like, prominent, and then when you go deeper, there’s other textures.
C
Well, there are times that you tell me, you could touch my hair. And I’m like, ooh.
K
I know it’s like – and it’s planned, like, but don’t touch the front. It’s thinning. It’s got tension loss, because it’s long. So you can touch the back. And I tell you where – you can touch the back like this right now. And I’m like, okay, stop.
C
You could put the back of your hand beneath the bulk of my hair and run it out three times.
K
Yeah, and I love that you know that that’s not weird.
C
Yeah it’s not weird.
K
It’s like playing with your beard. There’s a specific way to play with your beard.
C
Absolutely.
K
And the way you play with your beard is not the way that I can play with your beard.
C
No. Like, go ahead. And if you’re listening, try and tickle yourself. Right? It doesn’t work. Other people, you might be ticklish.
K
I don’t know why you think that is like you’re – you’ve made the point of why you should, should or shouldn’t be touched in ways you don’t want to be.
C
There is only do or do not. And I have done.
K
I just go with like personal autonomy. I don’t like being touched like that. I don’t like my hair touched. That’s like, you don’t touch my face. I never say you can touch my face. It’s like really rare. And if you do it has to be with the back of your hand. And you can like across my jawline, and you better hope I don’t break out afterwards. Because it will be your fault. I don’t like my face touched at all. And I don’t like my eyelashes getting wet at all. Like that’s not a funny joke. People want to splash water my face. I will fight you. Do not get my eyelashes wet.
C
Don’t do it.
K
So I think it’s really interesting that we held the digression until the end.
C
I think that the digression is actually related. I think that it’s about the comfort. I have one final thing. Like, I feel like here we don’t have the ability to just have a like a date that is so terrible it’s funny. Yeah, like I’m thinking about moving to Tokyo, and we went to a restaurant called Jonathan’s which is a chain.
K
Yeah.
C
And if we had had this security to know that we could have gone someplace and gotten a decent meal after that at two in the morning, it would have been funny how just horrifically bad the food was.
K
Yeah.
C
Like every single thing that we ordered was bad in an unexpected way.
K
Yes.
C
We bought like $100 worth of food.
K
Trying to get something edible.
C
A coffee shop, basically just trying to get something edible.
K
Yeah, we weren’t being flossy.
C
Right. And then the US, we would just laugh about that and then go have like our standby.
K
Yeah.
C
And so I miss having a standby
K
But I think that if we move back to United States, there’s so many things I would miss about Japan.
C
Oh, absolutely.
K
Fast food tempura is the bomb. Donburi, oh.
C
Oh, you know, I would miss that.
K
Yes. Donburi is the bomb. Bowl of food.
C
Bowl of rice. Yeah.
K
You get a bowl of rice, and you put various different foods on it.I love a bowl of food.
C
You could order that from from the pizza places here. Pizza toppings on a bowl of rice.
K
I would miss going to a vending machine and order my food, then going sitting down at the restaurant and having my food come to me.
C
Yeah.
K
I would miss that. I just didn’t think – like the first time I saw that I’m like this is I can’t do this. But I would miss – like the first time I got a cup of noodles from a vending machine in Japan. I was like, this is the bomb. This is the bomb dot com.
C
Yeah it dropped the cup out, and you’re like, what do I do? And then I said, it’s got a sign on number two saying put it underneath the thing. And then there was hot water, you were like this is – we need this. Because we were just tourists.
K
Yeah, it was so good. And you can get all kinds of different food I would miss like, I would miss the vending machine food… and other deeper things. But yeah, you know. So I want to give all of our Musick Notes a thank you so much for keeping us on top 10 on player FM. And we really appreciate your listen, we know there are so many things, other things that you could be doing with your time and other ways. Other thing, other – tons and tons of other podcasts you could be listening to. And for us to climb all the way up and stay up in the top 10 on player FM for podcasts about Japan. That’s all y’all doing. You know, and that makes us feel so gratified and so good. You know, we’ve been doing a podcast for a few years now. And we have so many of our core listeners that have listened from the beginning. And have listened to every episode. And we just appreciate you guys so much. Thank you so much.
C
Thank you. W
K
e really, really mean it. And we’re going over to the tape too. And right now I am looking because I have – so what I do is I think of topics. And then I email them to myself so that we always have something to talk about. I think next week we’re talking about Japanese snow versus American snow. Or we’re gonna talk about things we regret bringing from the US. That’s, that is a list.
C
That is a list.
K
I did not know what to bring. I brought so many wrong things. I just did. And so this week, I’m gonna talk to you we’re gonna do real talk about how hard it’s been launching the press and the E zine. All in the space of about – all within a year.
C
Yeah.
K
So and – and two different awards, two different prizes. We did a lot this year. We were on team too much. So thank you so much for listening, and we hope you follow us on over to our Patreon and check out our take two.
C
Bye
K
Bye
K
So lately, I’ve been thinking about something that’s kind of convoluted. I’ve been thinking about Japan and the United States from outside in. Because now I’m outside of the US and looking in. And before I was outside of Japan and looking in and some things that have changed. Some things are like really strange. And the thing that’s – that like kind of triggered this, this way of thinking, is I feel like the American conversation about Asians does not include Japan. They have Asian and Pacific Islanders. And the Japanese do not consider themselves Asian. And growing up in California, I was taught that Japanese people are Asian, but living in Japan, Japanese people consider themselves Japanese and Pacific Islanders, but not Asians, because they don’t live on the continent of Asia. And people from India, the subcontinent are Asian, which, in the United States, they’re not classified as Asian. But
C
Yeah, people would be like, technically, I guess.
K
Most people would be like, no, they’re not Asian. They wouldn’t even be like, technically, they’d be like they’re a subcontinent. And so looking at those kinds of classifications, it’s just, it’s interesting to me.
C
Yes. I find that some Japanese people do identify as Asian, but they’re like, but I know that Japan is not really part of Asia.
K
Yeah.
C
It is part of the Asian region. But it’s a series of volcanic islands off the coast of the Asian continent.
K
Yeah, because there’s over 200 islands in Japan, like what’s considered Japan. And that’s important. And we’ve talked about this before, because that dictates how much of the ocean floor you get.
C
Yeah, and international waters.
K
Yeah, it’s really complex.
C
What it means for an island to be occupied and all of that.
K
So for me, a Pacific Islander, I grew up thinking of actually only two islands, which now like, I’ve expanded – I talked about being geographically ignorant before, but I just think, Hawaii and Samoa, and that was it for me. And I always tripped out that when the Japanese would move to – move to Hawaii. They would be like, yeah, we’re Pacific Islanders. They consider themselves and I’m like, but not really, your Asian, would be in my head. I wouldn’t say that to anyone. Because I you know, everybody gets to choose how they identify. But I always think nuh-uh.
C
Well, I think that’s why Asian and Pacific Islander became a phrase because I remember when I was young, and that means it was definitely when you were young, because the age.
K
No, it means when I was an adult.
C
Yeah, no. They just said Asian.
K
Yes. There was
C
Like people from the Philippines: Asian. People from Malaysia: Asian. People from Japan: Asian. And now there’s a much kind of more awareness that Asian and Pacific Islander properly encompasses, like people in the Philippines don’t live on the Asian continent, either.
K
Correct.
C
And some of them say, I’m Asian, some of them stand Pacific Islander, but most of them just say, I’m from the Philippines. Like, why do you need to define it further?
K
Yeah, and so there’s this really interesting conversation that kind of happened after the movie Crazy Rich Asians came out about the diversification and the difference between born in the United States versus coming from Asia, and how that creates like a different dynamic. And for me, I find that being an expat creates a different dynamic. And I’m no longer – when I look at the United States, the thing I feel most is sadness.
C
Yeah.
K
And when I was living in the United States, I truly felt like I was living in the best country in the world. And I really, you know, I was, I’m super patriotic, and I just loved the country. And I was
C
Yeah, when we met, you told me, I will never leave California.
K
Yeah. And I was like anyone who lives outside of the United States, and they’re American, there’s something wrong with them.
C
Yeah.
K
And that there’s something fundamentally wrong with them. And then it was giving birth to, you know, our son and starting to look at the world and what the United States meant for him as a black man.
C
Right.
K
And that became a really scary thing for me, and I don’t know why I wasn’t terrified before them because I had lived a terrifying life.
C
But when I met you, you were not ever concerned for your own life.
K
No, I wasn’t.
C
Your attitude was very much hey, if I die, I die. And it was – your only concern there was who would take care of our son?
K
Yeah. I was always fixated on. And we always had like somebody that was not related to us that had agreed to take him on because none of our relatives were fit.
C
Right.
K
And that was always my concern. And so for me, I just surrounded myself with people who were more dangerous than the people who wanted to hurt me. And that kept me safe. And when I think about that now, like, I would not want to live next to a drug dealer with armed guards. I would not want to live next, down the street from somebody with military grade weapons. And in California, I always live near somebody with a lot of weapons.
C
Yeah. When I met you, like, I was driving a Miata. This was before I was sure that I should not drive.
K
Yeah.
C
And I asked if I could park in your driveway, because you had a lot of units along that driveway. Like,
K
Parking was just – on my street was impossible. I was impossible to park. And to make it worse, every other day, you could only park on one side of the street. Because they did street – the street sweeper, it was a really long street. And the street sweeper was – do it in sections. And so there were times – it’s really, the parking was really complicated.
C
So I asked, hey, can I park in here and you’re like, let me check. And then you went and checked, and then I parked and the drug dealer came out. I’m not gonna say his name. But he came out and he was like, hey, nice to meet you. You know, are you new boyfriend? I’m like, I’m a friend. Because at the time, we were just friends. And he’s like, don’t worry about your car. Anything. Nothing will happen to it. It’s good to see that that Kisstopher has a friend.
K
Yeah. And then when we got together, they were like, really, really happy. But also, you know, we’ve talked about like, all the people I have around me, but even when we moved to – so when we moved from when I moved out of the ghetto into suburbia, our life actually – my life became more violent in suburbia.
C
Yeah.
K
Because our next door neighbor actually called the police and accused us of running a brothel out of our apartment and out of our home that we owned. And the police never responded.
C
They accused us of running a brothel because we had like 20 cars parked outside because we were having some friends over.
K
We were having a kid’s party.
C
Yeah.
K
We’re having a kid’s party.
C
This must be a brothel. Like, how does 20 cars all arriving at once make it a brothel? Like, shouldn’t it be like, one or two arriving like what their headlights off in the night?
K
And so the police never came because there wasn’t like – is there a noise disturbance or like – and then we had another neighbor who, you know, would always vandalize our, our car and our cars. And do weird things like fill up our trash cans, and just, you know, constant harassment, and it was just never safe. And being on the outside of the United States, I am so aware of what’s going on in states other than California. Like California is jacked up, and the fires and all of that, but I grew up with that. So I was used to that all the time, but now I’m really aware of all of the state’s legislation. I’m more politically aware than I was in the United States, because I was a very local activist. And now looking at the world through a new lens and looking at the United States, and looking at how the United States interacts with other countries. I didn’t really pay much attention beyond the UN.
C
Right.
K
And now I’m looking at it and it’s just, I can’t look at it for too long, because it just bums me out and makes me so sad. It makes me so sad. And now I’m so much more aware of Canadian politics. And in the United States, we’re like, oh, Canada’s the good country. They do everything right. They’re, you know, they’re not racist. There were the slaves escaped and stuff. And I see that no, Canada’s a mass.
C
Yeah.
K
And Mexico is not as big of a mess as it’s made to, just to be out as it’s made out to be. And I think that, to me, it’s really, I don’t know, it’s really kind of sad the way the world has changed for me in some ways really bums me out and the way the world has changed for me in some ways, really makes me feel good about myself. Like I really love understanding the nuances and differences when we say the word Asian. I love the nuances and differences in my understanding of Pacific Islanders.
C
Yeah, I found that even though I went all the way through my undergraduate in the US, it wasn’t until I became an editor here in Japan that I learned that the full name of Mexico is the United States of Mexico.
K
Yes.
C
And that it has a bunch of states has like what? I mean, I guess that makes sense. But how did I not know this before? So I don’t feel like the world has changed so much. I mean, it has, but as my awareness. And so here in Japan, there’s kind of – there’s a lot of colorism, which I don’t feel entitled to speak to, but a lot of it is based on the fact that there are people here of Korean descent. And then there are indigenous peoples on different islands. Like when we went to Hokkaido a few years ago, we went to the Ainu Museum, which the Ainu are the indigenous peoples of Hokkaido. And they’re still there. They’re not – they haven’t been wiped or anything. And the Ainu Cultural Museum was really moving. Them saying, Look, we’re still here. This is our lifestyle. We’ve been here for this long.
K
They’re mistreated.
C
They’re definitely mistreated.
K
Like all indigenous people – it’s horrible history.
C
Right, right. So they’re mistreated because of racism within Japan, and I didn’t expect to encounter racism within Japan, because the outside in view is very much like Japan is 98 and a half percent Japanese.
K
Yeah. There’s a lot of foreigners here. A lot more foreigners than they cop too.
C
Well, one half percent is more than a million. So like, that still gets you to a lot of foreigners. But within Japan, there are also different groups. So people from like the Ruku islands have a distinct accent and experienced discrimination if they come here. And from outside of Japan, they’re like, no, it’s just all harmony. And the only people who disrupt us are foreigners who come.
K
Yes.
C
And just seeing that’s not the case. Like there’s a lot of stuff going on with within. And a lot of it is we’re not Asian, we’re Japanese.
K
Yeah, a great deal of it is. And that distinction is, is really interesting to me for the difference and the Japanese nationals who hold that distinction. And the difference in Japanese nationals who do not, I feel like it’s the same in my community where I say, where I do not say, I’m African American, and y’all know, I get heated about that. I am American, and I am black. And I identify as black because Africa is a continent, and I am definitely not Northern African. You know, I know that my I – I don’t actually know, I assume so. I haven’t done the DNA test thing. And I don’t believe in that, but whatever. I don’t think I need Gyptian.
C
Right. Or Algerian or yeah.
K
Yeah. So for me, it’s, it’s like that. It’s that personal for them as well. And I completely respect that. And it’s just – it’s a trip being here and seeing that, and really getting to understand – for me, I didn’t understand that the French were complete colonizers. But I knew that the Vietnam War was based on America’s support of France. French domination of the country of Vietnam, so the Vietnam War was actually a revolution and the Vietnamese people were trying to take their country back from the French.
C
Yeah, I think the perception I grew up with was, well, the the French colonized in black countries. So like, yeah, we know about Haiti. And we know about, you know, Senegal, like our first French teacher was from Senegal.
K
Yeah, but they only did a few.
C
Right.
K
They weren’t really colonizing, but they really colonize the heck out of Asia and, and having like, people from Lao PDR, the Peoples Democratic Republic of Lao and not calling it Lao, because that’s what the colonizers named it. And then like, the Burma and Myanmar discussion and all of that, and really understanding the – the impact of colonization on these countries. Some are thriving, post colonization, some are just still really struggling post colonization because all of their systems were dismantled, right. And they’re called – their culture was lost because when the colonizers lost, they just bailed. And that’s just so interesting to me, looking at the west versus east, and seeing that the west just really did their best from my perspective, to decimate the east.
C
Yes. And I think that was based on like, non-competition. Like, let’s make sure that nobody from here can compete.
K
Yes.
C
And I think that we see aspects of that here in in Japan, where Japan historically has been the colonizer still the Empire of Japan. And they controlled a lot of Asia. And then, after World War Two, the Americans occupied Japan for like, eight years.
K
Yeah.
C
I should really know the exact number but, and part of that was writing the constitution. So periodically, it comes up that we should rewrite the Constitution to be the Japanese Constitution, not influenced by the Americans, and return to our empire roots, like raising an army and the right to, like aggressively fight wars, and that kind of thing comes up as a national pride.
K
Yeah.
C
But there’s also right wingers who are very pro America. So it’s like, there’s a schism there’s the right wingers who are like fuck America.
K
Yeah.
C
And then there’s the right wingers who are like, we love America.
K
Yeah. So, what I find is really, really interesting is the illusion that Japan has created that they don’t have a military. We live down the street from a military base, that is a Japanese military base. And they routinely run exercises, military exercises, and there’s notifications that go out and I would have to – it was interesting for me, when I was doing therapy, and in my office. I, I would have to warn them, that they’re doing flight exercises, there will be military helicopters flying over the unit saying things and they are preparing for war. This is an actual war exercise that they’re doing. And I can explain to you what’s being said, and what’s being done. But for me, I just ignore it. They’re not going to drop any bombs. Nothing’s happening, because I wouldn’t know anyone’s Japanese language level. And if you have, like, if you’re in that place where you can’t get the warning, you don’t understand the warning. But you hear them like running sirens. And you hear them saying that they’re going to drop bombs. It’s really scary. And they would. So they run these fight simulations and these war simulations here in the city of Nagoya, and we’re pretty one a big city, but I wouldn’t think of it as like
C
Well, we’re strategically important. Something like 70% of Japanese heavy industry is here in Aichi.
K
Yeah.
C
So if they were going to build planes, which they do they build them here in Nagoya, which they do.
K
Yes. And they build a lot of military planes. And I think something that people aren’t aware of is, is that they have a lot of American military technology in the planes that they build. And so they’re not like, there’s the whole – like we talked before about they’re trying to build a plane in time for the Olympics. That didn’t happen. And all of that. But the military here is huge. And like the Navy is huge. And the Japanese Navy is so technologically advanced. Japan was one of the first countries in the world to be able to launch a plane from a submarine. They still have that technology.
C
They do. Yeah.
K
They still have those submarines. But post World War Two, they sank their navy. Yeah, as part of like the eight years of Asian occupation. And now they’re just sharing that technology with the United States. I don’t know whether or not the United States is taking part in that. But like from the outside in, when I was in the United States, I truly believe that Japan didn’t have a military. I honestly believed that. And I truly believed that Japan had sunk its entire military, like Navy that it didn’t have Navy and that without the US to protect it, it would be completely lost. And that’s not true.
C
Yeah, the Japanese self defense force – so it doesn’t, Japan does not have a large a large standing army compared to the US, but
K
It doesn’t have the same population. And it doesn’t have the same geography,
C
But the only the only country that has anything even close is China, in terms of number of people and in terms of amount of dollars.
K
I think Russia too.
C
Not in terms of number of people who are employed full time in the military.
K
Okay. Yeah.
C
And in terms of budget, the US dwarfs like I forget how many countries but many, many countries.
K
Well, and that’s part of so for me, I grew up understanding. Because in California before Reagan got mad that California didn’t vote for him and shut all the bases. And then Clinton also shut all the bases. But the military is big business in the United States where to build those ships, where to build those planes. Those contracts are huge and worth millions and millions of dollars. And so if America was to stop investing in its military, whole states would just collapse. It would be like Detroit with the car industry.
C
It’s the biggest employer in the US.
K
Yeah.
C
I grew up in Fairbanks. And I moved there to Fort Wainwright, which is, like technically part of Fairbanks, I think. But like half the population in Fairbanks is military. So if you take the military out, and this was the argument back when they were looking at base closures, they’re like, if you close Fort Wainwright, then Fairbanks will die. And the population has gone down by 40% since I lived there. And I don’t know what that has to do with military stuff. Like, I’m assuming that’s a smaller base or something. But here in Japan, there are the US military bases. And that’s when you know you’re on a military base. Because the Self Defense Force doesn’t have bases. It’s just like,
K
They have storage facilities and dormitories. It’s a base. It’s just not – you could not walk on to the military bases down the street from our house. It’s a military base.
C
Well, but there’s guards at the Mitsubishi factory, too. So if I walked onto there, they’d be like, what are you doing here? Do you belong here?
K
They’re armed guards at the military base. So I like you have this weird glitch, where you cannot see the military base I pointed it out to you know. There are armed guards.
C
I know exactly what you’re talking about.
K
It’s one of the few places the few places in Japan I’ve ever seen guns.
C
Right. I know exactly what you’re talking about. Having grown up on military bases, it doesn’t feel like it to me, because it’s not a self contained city. Like it doesn’t have its own shopping and mechanics for the public, not for their vehicles. And, you know, its own schools, like, there aren’t kids who go to school on the base.
K
Right.
C
And so to me, that feels different than a US military base, where it is a self contained city, like it can totally survive without any of the surrounding city.
K
And I think that’s because your army kid.
C
Yeah. That’s why I say that’s because I grew up on military base.
K
So another country that I think is really interesting from the outside in, is France, because so I talked a little bit about France being colonizers, but also for me, I was taught that France was like, really not racist, and – like growing up in the United States. I was told, you know, because you hear Josephine Baker and how she was welcomed there. And when you actually get into the history.
C
Yeah, James Baldwin moving to Paris, and yeah.
K
Yeah and it’s like, okay, those are two examples. But I’ve mentioned before, like, they had black people in zoos in the 50s. Still, in France, and Josephine Baker went over to France as a burlesque dancer, stripper. Fancy name for a stripper. And during the war, she was – the way that she was a spy was through sex, and doing sex work. And I don’t, you know, I don’t have any issues with that. And so for me, growing up with the myth that, you know, France was this peace loving place and really open and they’re supposed to be cutting edge and just so much more welcoming and just so much more, better than the US and then going there. And having it was so jarring to have the – have a military presence in the airport.
C
Yeah, we went we flew into Paris through Charles de Gaulle. And there were a lot of military people there in camo in the airport, which doesn’t seem like it would be very effective, but okay.
K
It’s very jarring because they have rifles on their shoulders and dogs.
C
Yeah, fully automatic weapons. And if there are any gun nuts who listen, which probably not yes, they were fully automatic weapons.
K
Yeah. And that was really jarring. And then there was – the we talked about it before when we went what they were using a – what were they’re using, there’s like that spate of robberies?
C
Hatchet.
K
Yeah, hatchet robberies where they were just breaking into windows.
C
The jewelry store down down the street from us. And now that’s like a big thing in the US. Oh, organized gangs are robbing retail my but that was happening five years ago when we were in, in Paris, like
K
That was happening since I was a kid.
C
Yes. Look at movies from the 50s. You could see it.
K
Yeah. So now they’re having – and in Japan, having like the death of the Yakuza and having like, it’s so weird. Real Yakuza versus movie Yakuza and, and all of that it’s so different. And people are like, most people, you will never see anyone. And I’ve seen several Yakuza members with their tattoos, they don’t hide them as much as people think that they do. And it’s not as much of a problem. And I find that even Japanese nationals when they’re talking about it, they still play it up a bit. And I find it interesting, because when you’re like, if you go on YouTube, or if you want Medium where you have Japanese nationals who speak English, I find that they assume that they know so much more about the country and culture of their English teacher than they actually do.
C
Yeah.
K
And a lot of English, a lot of Japanese nationals who speak English fluently didn’t go to college, outside of Japan – actually learned it in Japan studied it in Japan. And I look at a lot of the YouTubers and I’m like, this is just so not – what they’re saying is not my lived experience. Like their advice about Japan is not my lived experience, their comments about foreigners, not my lived experience. And they’re doing that for entertainment. They’re not doing that to actually be educational. And so like things you should never ever do in Japan, if you like go onto YouTube, or go read anything. And you will find so many different things of what you should and should never do in Japan, and it’s such a millieu. And they’re just not true. I mean, they’re true for some people, I guess. But it’s not that serious.
C
Okay, but the funniest example. Maybe I’ve mentioned this before, I think about the advice about business cards page that was up when we moved here to Japan. And the number one thing was, don’t ever give somebody a warm card because it’s offensive.
K
Yeah.
C
It was supposed to be worn. But somebody’s like, they sound so similar in Japanese, because the the terminal “n” and the terminal “m” are the same. Yeah. Like in the middle. It they’re different. But at the end, there’s no way to distinguish between whether it’s an “n” or “m”.
K
Yes.
C
And so it was supposed to be worn, like worn out. But somebody put it as, like warn W A R N. And then someone else was like, oh, this is a typo. Let me collect it – correct it to warm. Yeah. And so you could find, like card chillers, from people who thought, oh, I don’t want to give somebody a warm card.
K
And then someone was like, well, let me take advantage of people who don’t know better. Because they’re super expensive card holders.
C
Right. That keep them cold.
K
Yeah, no. And I remember somebody got a promotion, I went to their promotion party. And I bought them a really nice card holder and gave it to them. And they had been here for like a decade. And they didn’t have a car holder. And they like, teared up and they’re like, this is this makes me feel so seen and cared for. And I was just like, it was super dramatic. And I thought I just got this from Tokyu Hands. Like, it wasn’t expensive. It was nice, but it wasn’t expensive. Like they’re sold everywhere. Why haven’t you gotten yourself, you know, a card holder. And they were just like, I didn’t know the right one to get. And I didn’t I didn’t want it to be offensive. And it was like this whole thing.
C
You can buy one for $2 at the airport when you arrive, like, literally.
K
And everyone has always been so, so impressed. Because everything I do has a card, I always get a card for it. In Japan, I find people remember you more when you have a card. And I always do English and Japanese. And I’m like Kinkos because there’s Kinkos in Japan. Kinkos does one side English one side Japanese, just – just tell them what you want. And you have to put in the Japanese that you want on it. Like they don’t translate it for you. I wouldn’t trust them to translate it for me.
C
Okay.
K
But – because I want to make sure it says what it’s supposed to. And so, like when we would have the double sided cars, it was such a huge deal and like good cardstock. And everyone’s like, where did you get this? How do you get this? And I’m like, it’s really not that expensive. You can just do it. And when I would tell Americans Kinkos – like there’s Kinkos in Japan? I’m like you yeah, but you can also get cards printed from a lot of convenience stores.
C
Yeah, they got cardstock – we get from a place called Mojo print. I don’t know you’re still in still in business because it’s been a few years since we’ve needed them. But that specializes in Japanese business cards and has an English website. Like it’s not hard.
K
And I think a lot of – a lot of cultural things that I find is that foreigners will put too much on it because of something they’ve heard or read from the outside.
C
Yeah, I was just thinking that like that, my impression was that once you offend a Japanese person, and they’re super easy to offend, they are forever offended.
K
Yeah, they’ll ghost you right forever.
C
And I haven’t found that to be the case at all.
K
I found inconvenience, I find that it’s not offense. I find that if you’re not a convenient friend. I have, like, one of my oldest friends in Japan, my schedule became inconvenient to them. And we haven’t talked since.
C
But that happened in the US to like we’d have temporary friends like in the US, it’s not usual to keep your work friends after you quit your job, because then you’re inconvenient.
K
Yeah, and I think that people don’t actually realize that there are universals to just being human, and the human experience. And I for me, there’s less – I say that I’m very othered here. But that’s an active choice. Y’all know, that’s an active choice. I’m working a route. And that’s part of my hustle is being other, and I enjoy it. I blend in when it suits me, and I other when it doesn’t, but there are so many universals to the human experience that transfer from country to country.
C
Right.
K
That I found was the same in France and Denmark and Sweden, we’ve been to a lot of different countries and Korea and Japan, just all around the world that are completely the same. And I think that if we start at that base level, that we’re all human, and trust each other’s humanity a bit more that we would have more fun when we travel. Instead of trying to do things the right way, if we tried to just be considerate, and try to just don’t be a jerk. And I think, don’t be a jerk. There’s some universal things to don’t be a jerk. And I think touching people is something that in the United States, I think is done too often. And I think a lot of Americans think it’s okay that they touched me. And I did not want to be touched. I don’t like being hugged. I don’t like being touched. I just want people to not touch me. And for me, I feel like that’s such a violation and such an act of aggression. And that’s universal. Like, you’ll find lots and lots of Americans that agree with me on this.
C
Yes.
K
And looking at it from the outside in, it’s one of the most controversial things that is talked about a lot outside of the United States. Inappropriate touching, when it doesn’t seem like it would be inappropriate. You know, like they – and I think that that that’s a good thing like back rubs. Unwanted back rubs, unwanted side hugs, unwanted overly friendliness.
C
Okay, any any human resources, sexual harassment video from the 90s.
K
Right. So I think, for me, the distance every year, I feel more distant from the United States than I did the year before. And I don’t know, like, for you, because so I started studying Japanese, again because I have this internal war that goes on in my head about whether or not to become a Japanese citizen.
C
Yeah.
K
And I don’t really know what the benefits to me would be, because I have permanent residency now. And I think the benefit would be to not be American. And I think on the days that America breaks my heart, is when I want to break up with America. Like, I don’t want to be American anymore. But I don’t know if that would actually impact it. But I’ve talked to other black folks here in Japan that are American that gave up their citizenship. And some of them say, yeah, they put down – just a lot of stuff just fell away. Yeah. And some of them say, no, I’m still in my head still struggling and still focused. AndI’m wondering if it would shift my political focus. And I find – I don’t find Japanese politics to be painful.
C
Right.
K
And like when I see them fighting in, like people jumping over desks and stuff in Parliament. That’s not weird to me. And I’m like, they’re just really passionate today.
C
Right, You can see the same thing in the Italian Parliament.
K
Yeah. And I also find it interesting, like when they’re sleeping. And
C
You you can see that in any parliament. You know, you can see that in Congress.
K
Yeah. And so for me, I don’t know if I would feel – if that would be the the final thing because I just find the vitriol in the United States just… now people are talking about it. It’s always been there.
C
Yeah. It has.
K
It’s always been there. And it hasn’t changed. And I just see it so clearly. And I, I really can only do five to 10 minutes of American news before I’m just devastated. If I do 15 I’m wrecked.
C
Well, I think because you’re not immersed in it all the time.
K
I’m not what?
C
Immersed in it all the time. Yeah. You know, Ruby Bridges, like Brown v. Board of Education was before you were born. So like, the US has not been good at any point in your life.
K
At all.
C
Or mine, because I’m younger, and on these things. And Japan is not great on these things, either. There’s there’s conflicts in Japan, but they don’t feel so personal to me.
K
They’re not so for me, the difference is no one’s dying.
C
Yeah.
K
And so for me, because no one’s dying. And I look at – you and I have like really different political views on Japan’s you know, phobia. I’m all for it. I’m like, if you haven’t gotten your buns back home yet, stay out of Japan, because you probably have COVID. And you’re like, that’s not right. They should let permanent residents and Japanese nationals. So I find that
C
I’m more expansive. I don’t think just permanent residents. I think anybody with a non tourist visa.
K
And I feel like they’ve been warning you for a month.
C
That’s not true, though.
K
Like, it was like, it is true. It is true. Because I’ve
C
They’ve been wanting for a long time that if this happens, but the actual notification, people had like 48 hours to get back.
K
If youunderstand Japanese culture, when they say if – it means it’s going to happen. If is when this happens, so for me, whenever I read, if this happens. I think okay, so they don’t know when it’s gonna happen yet.
C
Right.
K
But this is what they’re doing. And they’re notifying us. And anyone who’s lived here for a minute knows that. Like, you know that if and when, like, if it’s just we don’t know when yet.
C
Right.
K
So really come on. But I understand there are people that that leave for other reasons. And then like need to come back
C
like there. There’s people on Twitter right now, and Twitter people are real people, who their kids are here in Japan, because they’re Japanese citizens, and they can’t come back because they are not a Japanese citizen, only their spouses.
K
Why did they leave?
C
For whatever.
K
Okay, so they made choices.
C
But I feel like if this had happened when we had gone to France or Spain, you would be singing a very different song in French or Spanish respectively.
K
No, I wouldn’t. I would not. Because before we left, I always make sure we can come back. I am meticulous about it, and you’re like you shouldn’t have to be. And I’m like, it’s an illusion that in the United States, that it’s never an issue for American citizens to come back to United States. It is an issue for American citizens, you cannot always come back to the US. And you say that that’s not the case. But we saw that happen. America closes borders, even to Americans. And I know that because some of those were clients of mine who couldn’t go back to America. And it was jacking them up, and I had to explain that America has always had that policy. They just didn’t know it.
C
Well and if there are no flights, like you, you’re effectively shut out. Like if there are no flights and no passenger boats or anything. You can be effectively shut out even if there’s no rule.
K
Yes, but America made the decision that there could be no flights. So therefore, America closed its borders.
C
Yes.
K
And so I think that the America propaganda would say that no, we didn’t do that. Other countries decided that there wouldn’t that – they wouldn’t fly to the United States. But there was a time there was a window where the US borders were closed. US closed borders, I think probably the for the shortest amount of time of any country.
C
Yeah.
K
But being from the outside, and I’m like, Y’all close your borders. I don’t care what you’re calling it. Y’all closed your borders. You’re just not saying that as close to American citizens. But when they’re saying no movement, I find there’s a lot of backhanded speech. And I find that Japan is more direct, and just lays it out there. Like even if you’re a Japanese citizen, you can’t do this, like Japan is more upfront in your face. And I think American, you have to read the signs. So I think there’s different ways that you have to read the signs, right? Like, because in Japan if means when, and in the United States, they have this way of talking that lets you know when you’re excluded. And I can’t give an example. But there’s just
C
And I think that was always part of my problem with living in the US is that I didn’t catch those things.
K
Yeah. And I’d always tell you, this isn’t for us.
C
Right.
K
And you’re like, no, no, it’ll be fine. And I’m like, I don’t go where I’m not wanted.
C
Yes. I’m not great at spotting when I’m not wanted.
K
yeah. And so I want to mention, give a shout out to Puddin’, we didn’t mention Puddin’ last time, but I’m always encouraging Puddin’ to be – and everyone – to be their authentic selves. And if some because for me, it limits your opportunity of being your authentic self, to some extent limits your opportunities, in some ways that keeps you safe. And in some ways that opens doors for other opportunities. I don’t think it’s, I don’t think that anyone’s identity should be a reason to exclude them. I think that’s wrong.
C
No. But sometimes that happens, and I think maybe we’ll talk about this on another episode. But in my current job, in the interview, I said, I’m autistic and I’m epileptic.
K
Yeah.
C
And I have been saying that in interviews and getting a lot of places saying we’ll contact you at some point in the future. And knowing that this place doesn’t care. Like in the we’re not gonna hold this against you was the reason that I said it. So I could find someplace that I could be open about that.
K
And I was so proud of you, when you did that. I push really hard for you to do that.
C
Yeah.
K
And I like to live authentically, because I find that that’s where I feel safest, when I’m being all of my identity. And that’s one of the struggles I’m having with whether or not to go back to being a therapist. Because being all of my, all of who I am out loud, is really hard for clients. And the number one thing that people become really hostile about is me being asexual. And it’s so violent and strange. And like people will argue with me and get really, really angry. Or tell me you don’t understand. I’m like, I have a child. I’ve had sex, I enjoy sex. I’m sex positive asexual, I just find sex to be as interesting as eating a bagel or watching a good TV show, or recording this podcast – I actually find recording this podcast to be more interesting than sex.
C
Yeah.
K
And I think sex is a lot of work, a lot of preparation, a lot of maintenance. And I’m like, eh. And there’s a lot of work. And then afterwards, there’s like, it’s a whole thing.
C
It is a whole thing.
K
It’s a whole thing. And it’ll take up your whole day. And
C
People will try and fix it for you. Yeah, like I hadn’t even said it. But like, I got taken on a date. Without my knowledge or consent. I was like, whoa, now this is not what I agreed to. You’re paying me to teach you English.
K
Yeah. And so for me, I’m having that struggle. Because in Japan, nobody cares about my identity.
C
Right.
K
And my Japanese clients wouldn’t care. And they’ll be like, why are you telling me all of this?
C
You’re American. What more do I need to know?
K
Yeah, like, I’m here to see because you speak English. And I want to be in an English context. I don’t want to be in a Japanese context. So but Americans would have like, a really hard time with it. And I don’t know if I want to go back to being convenient.
C
which being convenient means being constantly told when you are slightly outside the edges.
K
Yeah. And it’s knowing beforehand, what will be out the edges, what, what edges. And I find that even that my LGBTQIA+ clients would have a really difficult time with me being asexual. And like,
C
it’s right there is the A. Like, yeah, but I like to stop after the T.
K
Yeah, everyone’s like, I like to just LGBTQ. And I do LGBTQIA+ and I could do – LGBTQIA2+ , and it doesn’t bother me. I don’t mind adding identities to that. You know, I think it’s it’s awesome to have a rainbow that we can all fit under. And you know when we’re not living in – that, you know, your binary world. So yeah, things from the outside end just really, really tripped me out. We didn’t do Spain, Spain from the outside in, blew my mind. Spain was so much better than I thought it was. It’s one of my favorite countries to visit and I totally want to go back. But, you know, that’s us for today. And – that was so abrupt. I’m like, we got to get to the take two. No, because y’all know that they’re working on our building. So we have like this window of opportunity to record, we’ve got to keep it tight today. So, you know, it’s our normal runtime. And we hope that you – thank you for taking your time to listen, we love each and every Musick Note. We appreciate each and every listen. Thank you so much. We’re in the top 10 every week on player FM for podcasts about Japan. Absolutely love it. We like blew past some big guns that have a lot of money behind them. And it just feels so good. Because we have very little money behind us. But you can help out and be a patron and follow us on over to Patreon. Yeah, I think we don’t advertise – I know we don’t advertise our Patreon anywhere but the podcast. But even three bucks helps and we could improve our sound quality – is something that we want to do next. And at three bucks, you get all kinds of goodies and fun stuff. And so check out our Patreon at The Musicks in Japan. And we’ll talk to you next week or we’ll talk to you in a few minutes over on the take two. Bye.
C
Bye
K
So lately I’ve been thinking about honest things I say about Japan that are unique to Japan. And lies I say.
C
You tell lies.
K
Yeah, things that like I call it, blame it on Japan. And we’ve talked about it before how I use Japan as like sort of a get out of whatever I don’t want to do.
C
Oh, yeah, sure.
K
And people just let me. But now having a business where I’m doing business with people who are not in Japan, there are some like real things that sound sort of
C
Sound suspicious, but are actually true.
K
Yeah. So like in Japan, will get in major trouble if our invoices aren’t paid. Like if we’re not paying our vendors. They question whether or not we’re money laundering, yes. Which is so weird.
C
And they say it just that way.
K
Yeah. And they say like, well, this money came in, and no money has gone out. Are you money laundering? And they’ll say it directly. Are you money laundering? And I’m like, No, I’m not money laundering. You have all of these invoices that are outstanding. Because not, we have to like, sometimes we have to chase people down to pay them.
C
Yes.
K
And it gets really dire, especially with it coming to the end of the year like December’s coming. And we have to do, like 1099s for people in the United States, have to do other tax forms for people in the UK, other tax forms for people in Germany, the Philippines, and Africa. So we literally have writers from around the world.
C
And I’ve talked before about Japan just regards me as an unemployed guy who sometimes gets money for no apparent reason, from the same company every two weeks, regularly.
K
Yeah, and Japan really doesn’t understand… starting a business, starting as a solo business, that’s not immediately profitable. Because usually, when you start, what’s the equivalent of a American limited liability corporation. In Japan, when you do that, it’s usually propped up by somebody.
C
Right.
K
And usually have something that you know, you’re guaranteed to sell. And so I make no sense to them. Cinnabar Moth makes absolutely no sense to them. We have an office in the United States that no one’s at, we have an office in Japan that no one’s at because, you know, the crisis is still ongoing. And I don’t feel we don’t have proper ventilation. To have, I don’t feel like we have proper ventilation
C
To have more than one person. And if it’s only you being there, then what’s the point?
K
Yeah. So that whole thing is just like, really? Where – okay, so you have these things that you’re not using? And then why would you publish books in English while you live in Japan? Why aren’t these books in Japanese? Why can’t I read them? And it’s like, we can read them.
C
Right?
K
They’re available, like, and so doing, you have to do weird stuff. Like we have to print out the Amazon page. And then I don’t know, like, what all of this proof and evidence does for them, because they don’t actually go search on Amazon.
C
Yeah, I’m not sure either. And this is a general theme of Japanese bureaucracy paperwork. Like when we applied for permanent residency, I had to print out a copy of all of my patents. And print out like the first 20 pages of my dissertation, even though they had a copy of my PhD. From a Japanese university.
K
Yeah.
C
So it’s very much like
K
One of the top tier.
C
Right, but it’s very much like, well, nobody could fraudulently generate this much paperwork. So it must be real.
K
Right? And I’m thinking, yeah, there are people who generate fraudulent, we don’t put people who generate fraudulent degrees. So that’s a weird thing in Japan might be like, Well, if we inconvenience you enough, they just feel like you would get fatigued and stop. Like, if you’re coming and wanting to lie to me, I could ask you for enough things that you will just confess under the burden of request.
C
Okay, so now I’m thinking of it slightly differently.
K
Okay, how are you thinking of it?
C
Like how in Western society, it’s In Vino Veritas, like, if you want to know the truth, get somebody drunk. They’re trying to get as drunk on paperwork.
K
Yeah, the Japanese, the bureaucracy, culture of right is fatigue. Like, you must really honestly want this because you have to want it. And then you have to prove that you want it and then you have to prove that you’re eligible for it. And then you have to prove that he would do something worthy of having it to get it.
C
And sometimes this is just too much. I went to make a bank transfer. And they like grilled me about where it was going, how come if it was my company, I had paperwork saying that it was my company, but not a letter from the bank saying it was my company with a photo of me. And it was just so much hassle that I went home and I opened an account on what was then TransferWise. And I was like, hey, I’m only being charged a third, there’s not an advertisement for them. This is just like the Japanese bureaucracy at the bank was so bad that I stopped dealing with them on that level.
K
Yeah, it really is just fatiguing if you’re not ready for it. And so in the family, I’m the one that sort of hurts everyone together and says, Okay, we’re doing paperwork now. And everyone’s like, no, we’re not. Like I have prepared everything to the limit that I can prepare it. And now we’re going to print things. And I and I have a yip. So I’m part of the problem. So if you need my signature on something, or my inkan which in Japan is the stamp of your name, like even to get me to put a stamp on something, I’m like you have my inkan just stamp it for me, which is highly illegal. No, you have to stamp it. And I have to like them certify that I stamped it. It has to be a day, like we have to schedule it, I’ll be like, Okay, on January 7, at 8pm, from 8pm to 8:15, I will sign things. So that sort of puts the deadline on for everybody is like when will Kisstopher sign something? Yes. And that motivates you? And keeps you because you’re like I really need your signature, like, well, you know, a sign you know what time is.
C
Well, the most serious signature need was when we bought our apartment. And we had to stamp it with our registered stamp.
K
And we had to stamp every fold of the paper.
C
Right. So stamp it across the crease of the paper, and then put a revenue stamp on top of that. And then ink my thumb and put my thumbprint on top of the revenue stamp. cuz they were like, there is no way you’re gonna pretend this, wasn’t you?
K
Yes.
C
I’m like, Look, I have no thumbs, somebody stole them.
K
Like, why would we want to pretend that this is our apartment when it’s not? And again, money laundering. The Japanese are just like, you will not launder money in Japan. And I’m like, Okay. I’m sure that it happens. I mean, I’m sure
C
I’m sure. Yeah.
K
Yeah, there’s criminal enterprises that go on all the time. And so there’s been like, lots of talk about how like the the Yakuza is kind of fading out these younger gangs.
C
Well because when we bought our apartment, we had to certify that we were not and had never been members of the Yakuza. Because it’s legal to be a member of the Yakuza. But it’s also legal to discriminate against people who are.
K
Yes. So for me a big thing that I find I can blame on Japan, which is, so I’m gonna start over, because I kind of mess that up my mind, for me what I find weird, or odd, is that I’ve been getting blamed on Japan in reverse. Like people have been saying they can’t do things for me, or I shouldn’t be able to do things because I’m in Japan. And everybody, if you follow us on Twitter, you know that I was doing my oral defense, which I passed. Yay. And I’m waiting for my ethnic review. To prove that my, my research is ethical. But I picked a survey and they’re the easiest to prove ethics on. So that’s just a matter of riding out the clock. It takes them like 10 days or something like that to do that. But it was really hard to convince my chair and co chair that Midnight Japan time was okay. Because they’re on the east coast of the United States. And there is no time. Like,
C
Yeah, I think you’ve got one in East Coast time and one in Central Time.
K
One on East Coast, one on West Coast.
C
Okay.
K
So it was just like – or maybeit was central, I can’t remember. So it’s really difficult because we’re working in three time zones. And I was like, you know, doing it at 10, nine and 10am. Your time was okay for me. I’ll do it at midnight. It’s not a big deal. And they were like, no, no, that’s too inconvenient for you, you can’t possibly and so we did a test call with me at midnight and I was fine and okay. And then we had to do it again at midnight. And I was like there’s no time that there’s no positive overlap. Because I want it to be convenient to them not to me, then like, no, no, let’s make this really important speech that I’m the decider of convenient to you. And like, no, let’s create goodwill by inconveniencing in me and making it convenient to you. Is my mindset.
C
I think that’s a better mindset. And I’ve seen people do it like, a few months ago, I was interviewing for positions. I asked people like, Yeah, can you interview at 10am? Australia time, which is 8am here. They’d be like, sure. And then you talk to them. And you’d find out that they don’t work in their countrt;s timezone. They’ve been working in the US time. And so it’s actually like, the middle of the night for them. But they didn’t say anything. They didn’t want to be inconvenient. I think it happens a lot that people who want something or need something are much more likely to be flexible silently.
K
Yeah. I’m vocally flexible, though.
C
Yes. But sometimes, because you’re vocally flexible, you have to fight to say, no, I really want to be flexible this way.
K
Yeah. So something that’s odd and true about Japan is, it’s really difficult to mail anything out of Japan. You have – you – so like, in the U.S. I could box something up myself and send it. And in Japan, you have to buy a specific, you have to buy a box from the post office. And you have to box it up at the post office and seal it at the post office and then mail it and you have to do all of that. There’s an area to do it in.
C
Right.
K
But you have to do all of that before you can mail it. So I don’t mail anything to anyone. I don’t so every if you ever get mail from us, it’s sent from the US. It’s not sent from Japan.
C
Well, sometimes people get couriered stuff from us, because FedEx will come here and pick up. We can book online, I’ve done this before you can book online, and they’ll drop off a bunch of envelopes or boxes or whatever. And then book online for the pickup. It costs a lot extra. And if we if on days, when I feel like figuring out the system, we could take packages to 711 and have the mail from there, but not through the Postal Service only through private delivery.
K
That’s so ridiculous. Because the post office is literally behind 7/11.
C
Yes, it is. But there was a time like a year ago that the post office was saying it would be six months for any package because they had like this whole thing where they were going to send packages to a warehouse, and then let them sit for months so that the COVID would die.
K
Yeah.
C
And then send them on. So it was like, Okay, I could send it through the post office, and it’ll get there in six months. Or I can send it through FedEx, and it’ll get there in a week. I can’t wait six months.
K
What are you shipping?
C
At the time I was shipping books?
K
You’re shipping books from here?
C
Yeah.
K
Why were you doing that?
C
Cuz I was shipping signed copies for special people.
K
Okay. I don’t have a signed copy of your book.
C
I have copies of my book, and I will sign it for you anytime you like.
K
Yeah, that’s the problem.
C
Right.
K
I won’t ask you to sign it. I just – like no, because I’ll owe you a signature. I don’t know. Like, let’s not get into signature at all.
C
Because you don’t like signing things. It’s, it’s a hassle.
K
So something else is kind of weird in Japan that we weren’t scared to talk about. But it’s, I’m obsessed with it is my house set up. And the reason that I’m obsessed with my house set up is because people don’t live in a place where they’re socialized medicine. They are and don’t live in a place where they don’t speak the language that’s spoken in the hospital don’t understand my medical situation at all. And so basically, my bed is as close to a hospital bed as you can get without having electronic – it’s not it’s not you can’t electronically lift it. But the pillows and such are stacked in such a way that we can move the pillows around to elevate any part of my body that has to be elevated. And I have all of the equipment to check my blood sugar, blood pressure,
C
Temperature, heartbeat, all that.
K
Yeah, oxygen levels of my blood and all of that here in the house and as long as I can swallow. In Japan, they do not just go straight to IV meds. So in American hospital culture, the reason that they put an IV in your arm is not to keep you hydrated. Most people think it’s to keep you hydrated, and it’s not so that they have a line open In your arm to inject medication into it. And in Japan, even if you’re in the hospital with an IV, they still give you pills to swallow.
C
And they just assume that you won’t cheek – cheek them. Like that’s so bold.
K
They just assume that what?
C
That you won’t check them. Because I feel like that’s another thing in the US hospitals, is there like if they give you two pills? And they don’t watch you swallow them and make sure your mouth is empty after? Do they really know that you swallow them. And Japan is like, why would you mess around like that? Of course, you took your medicine.
K
Yeah. And I’m doing enzyme therapy. So doing enzyme therapy, it’s an obscene amount of pills. On any given day I can I take between 26 and 40 pills. And that just that number is so overwhelming to people. And in the United States, I would be on an enzyme drip. They would have, I would have several IVs going into me at once. I don’t like that because my veins roll and my veins are really weak. And so what happens is something called infiltration. And that is where the vein burst. And the fluid just collects under your skin, and it is so, so painful. And they have to like take it out and find a new IV place. And so with the amount of medication I’m on now, they would have to do with something that’s called a PICC line, which that’s where it’s at a major artery. And so basically, I would have an IV in my chest. And I don’t want a PICC line. So I’m staying home as long as I can swallow.
C
Yeah.
K
And I’m able to swallow, but I’m really, really sick, like scary amounts of sick. So I don’t know if any of you have ever had a pancreatitis attack? or had your kidneys, liver and pancreas all decide to just freak at the same time and just
C
Go on strike.
K
Yeah, so my body is completely on strike. I’m supposed to be on complete fluids. And then if it doesn’t go down in a certain amount of days, I will have to the hospital to get an IV but in I can go to the hospital in Japan and get a nourishment IV where it’s just vitamins and you just go and you get your IV and it takes about two hours. And then you come home.
C
Yeah, I think I’ve talked about this before after I had my bicycling accident. The rehabilitation clinic I went to had an entire floor dedicated to that had like 50 recliners and people just go up there and get their nourishment for the day.
K
Yeah, so I kind of feel like that’s the path I’m headed on. But people are ghoulishly. I feel ghoulishly waiting for me to be hospitalized and incapacitated. And that’s been more challenging than I expected.
C
Yeah.
K
And more hurtful than I expected. Like people are DMing me like, very angry that I’m not dead. And not just been quite shocking. And so that – I guess I’m talking about it today. Like I meant for it to be like a light hearted…. Joking around sort of thing that I just I keep it real with y’all. People are hurting my feelings. And they need to stop.
C
And they don’t they don’t. They don’t. Your situation doesn’t make sense to me, and the only way for it to make sense to me is if you die.
K
Yes. So multiple organ failure. I do have multiple organ failure, but it’s enzyme based due to the biliary tract, which is different than having cirrhosis of the liver, I don’t have cirrhosis. And I’m not an alcoholic. I don’t drink and so most often, the type of organ failure I have multiple, when you have multiple organ failure, it’s due to alcoholism is due to the consumption of alcohol. Or it’s due to hepatitis.
C
Yeah, I’ve been at hospitals with you in the US where they’re like, We need to check your your peak flow. And then they give you a breathalyzer instrument. And I’m like, I grew up with asthma. I’ve had my peak flow checked hundreds of times. Yeah, that’s a breathalyzer.
K
Yes. Like the breathalyzer, I’ve had drug tests done and they’re not doing that to me in Japan. But in the United States, they did that to me. So I think that is a really American mindset.
C
I think so yeah.
K
That what’s going on with my body must be dragged in DC I think
C
of it. It’s the Doctor House mindset. Like, don’t trust patients, everybody lies, everybody’s a drug addict. You’re totally justified going and breaking into their house or committing whatever crimes to get to the truth of what’s going wrong with them because you can’t figure it out just from the symptoms.
K
So you’re talking about the TV show House? Yeah. So we watch the TV show house until they did the porphyria episode.
C
Yes. Which is so awful like episode name is cake. And it was like, no, no, just no. Nope.
K
Yeah. So it’s really – so there are some people who want to be rare, want to be special. And it’s really, I’m really challenging for them. Because I have the rarest, like there are 2 people on known to the medical establishment in eight different countries. I’ve gone to eight different countries and only me and Rasta, my son have hereditary corproporphyria and lupus. We’ve talked about before how like, I went to several countries, and the world leading specialists on hereditary corproporphyria had never even met a person with it. So they’re studying old samples. So I, of course, I give them samples of everything. And I donate so that they can research on my tissue or whatever, I don’t care. They’re just not doing it on my body. And when they run out, they run out, I’m not going back to give them more. And so when people are expecting you to have like a typical, what they experience, or what they understand, as should be my lived experience, they feel like I’m a fraud. And I feel like what am I gaining from this? There’s no GoFundMe.
C
Right. There’s no appeals for money. And you’d be like, because we live where they’re socialized medicine, it wouldn’t feel justified to me because it does not cost us here, exorbitant amounts of money that, that you’re sick.
K
Yeah. And I And if anything, it’s detrimental for me to be so honest about it, because I can now I can’t live anywhere, but Japan.
C
Right.
K
Because there are a lot of countries that if you have a chronic illness, they will not ever give you residency. Like Australia is one of the countries that you have to put down whether or not you have and
C
yeah, and they go on on average cost. So the fact that you’re selling sicknesses probably costs us less than $1,000, a year most years beyond regular health care. Because the deductibles and such. Yeah, they would say no, no, no. But in Australia, this would average $50,000 a year. So that’s what’s being charged and no, you’re too expensive.
K
Yeah. So I’m not benefiting in any way. Right. And people are being really aggressive with me. And I’m just asking everyone to stop, stop being aggressive. I really appreciate all of the Virtual hugs, and the nice commentary.
C
Just the expressions of sympathy or like I care about you or things like that are nice, but I care about you. And therefore I want you to know that I know your sickness better than you do, is not actually caring.
K
So saying that you’ve researched my illness, and you know it better than I do, is really hurtful. Because one, you’re calling me a liar. And then two, you’re giving me that medical advice. And then three, you’re attacking me at a time when I’m frail. And I think it’s really hard for people because I don’t ever seem frail. And so I’ve had people ask me like, why don’t you have jaundice? Well, not everybody who has liver failure has – gets jaundice. And everyone’s like, nope, if you don’t have jaundice, you can’t possibly have any, any issues with your liver. And that’s that’s not factually true. And I find it really interesting because I read when I read American medical information on the internet, that’s what it says. So I taught them you know, the leading, it’s really interesting to me, the country that is most advanced when it comes to liver health is Korea.
C
Yeah.
K
And there are really wonderful papers written by Korean doctors about and there’s they’re the at the cutting edge forefront when it comes to billary health. And so billary health is all of your so from the tip of your lips. To the tip of your nether regions, that entire tract. And that entire system is the billary system. And so the gallbladder, the liver, the kidneys, the ureters, all of the ducts, and all of that is part of the system and part of that system breaks down or becomes inflamed, it can affect the entire system. And that’s what’s happened to me is that part of that has become inflamed. And it’s, it’s affecting all of the systems. And it can be something that’s called intermittent. And this is where everybody gets really pissed off at me is that sometimes my organs are failing, and sometimes they’re not.
C
But we saw even doctors, even even your own physician get pissed off at you for that because they do a CAT scan when you’re hospitalized, and be like, Look, you have necrosis here. And then the next day they do it again and be like, and it’s recovering. Yeah. And they’d be angry at you for that. Yeah.
K
That’s really freaky. So the necrosis thing do you want to describe the necrosis thing.
C
No, go for it. You tell a better story on this.
K
It’s not a story. It’s the truth. So I have a really poorly named disease called lupus anticoagulant, which anticoagulant music, your blood doesn’t coagulate.
C
Well, so that’s the marker. So maybe I should tell this story.
K
Yeah.
C
So you have that as a marker. And some people with that as a marker, don’t have any symptoms. But in some people that causes SLE, systemic lupus – I forget what the E is for. And so you have that type of lupus, but what it means is that you have defects in the blood things that are responsible for the control of anticoagulants. So it’s not the same as hemophilia because it doesn’t affect clotting factors. It’s just like this weird thing. And it interferes too with the porphyria which porphyria is itself a problem with the production of certain enzymes within the blood, certain steps and what type of warfare you have depends on what step is broken. So between the two, you have chronic acute pancreatitis, which means you have acute pancreatitis, over and over. Yes. And so the doctors like you must be an alcoholic. No, actually just genetics.
K
Yeah.
C
And you have chronic inflammation. Without the associated problems of some of the chronic inflammation, like the inflammation itself causes problems, but they can’t find reasons for it so that I kept idiopathic inflammation, like no, again, this is the lupus autoimmune disorder causes inflammation. It’s just not presenting in the typical way.
K
Yeah. And so it’s extremely painful. But I can’t take a lot of pain medication, because I have to worry about the load on my kidneys and liver when it comes to processing anything with pancreatitis. I should be nothing by mouth right now. But I told them that I would rather write out the pain than be in the hospital on an IV. Yeah, because I can still swallow. And they’re like, okay, like in the United States, we’d be like now you have to be hospitalized because they make a lot of money. But in Japan, my doctors are not incentivized to have me be in the hospital. And in Japan, my doctors have experienced this is a very unique to me experience. But when I am hospitalized and away from Chad, I deteriorate more quickly. And my doctors like okay, we don’t understand this weird codependency. But we know that you have this codependency because Chad can’t come and visit me. And they have charged me when I stay at home and I have access to chat versus when I go to the hospital and don’t have access to chat. And right now, there’s no like visiting in Japan is really strict. It’s not like in the US it was kind of loosey goosey where Chad could come and sit in my in my hospital room all day with the computer on it wouldn’t be a big deal.
C
Yep.
K
Whereas in Japan, you’re encroaching on other people’s rights. I would have to be out of bed to be with Chad so we were both have to sit in the visiting area. And that would be painful for me to have to set up in a hardback chair all day because I am prone. I do stay in bed all day, laying down because whatever’s the most comfortable position. To be in. And so they’re like, Okay, we know if the hospital hospitalized you, you’re gonna deteriorate because you have this weird thing. And they’ve done studies on it. And for some people, they found a biological connection that you have biological compatibility, and that is intimacy. And some people fall in love based off of this biological compatibility. So Chad and I are biologically compatible.
C
I provide the vitamin C that you need, that name isn’t taken is it?
K
Well, you think it’s weird. I showed you the study on it? And you still think it’s weird.
C
Yeah, I still do think it’s weird. There are things that I know are true, but are still weird.
K
So how do you feel being biologically compatible with me?
C
I feel like a happiness donor. Like you’re just like, hey, give me some happiness running low over here. And you just got fitting your organs. And you’re like, okay, that feels better.
K
I did get Chad depleted, they’ve passed, they have tested it in Japan, they have resource dead. When I explained it to them, they were like what you’re saying, sounds so wild. We’re going to test it and research it. And the the doctor, so they’re, I think with Eastern medicine, that there’s this myth of Eastern medicine that – so Japan is not part of
C
TCM, is traditional Chinese medicine. Japan does not practice it.
K
Yeah. But they are aware of it. And so they assume that, that I just love my husband very much. And I do love my husband very much. But I was like, let’s test my levels, and test, test my levels with 48 hours of no physical contact with Chad and then test my level 48 hours with normal contact with Chad. And there is a difference. My levels are more stable when I have physical contact with Chad. Yes. So it makes it really difficult for him to travel for business or anything, because he is part of my health care regime. It’s kind of it’s so bizarre.
C
I think it’s kind of funny. And I think it’s probably more common than people know, because everything is so very much controlling, especially in American medicine, I think, yeah. Because in American hospitals, they will threaten you with bankruptcy, if you leave when they don’t want you to by saying, you know, we’ll say you left against medical advice, and your insurance won’t cover this $300,000 bill that you’ve generated. Yeah. But we’ve been here and they’ve taken kissters blood pressure and been like, ooh, this is too high. And Kisstopher says hold on a second, baby, baby, and I’ll come over and put my hand on her arm. And they’ll do it again. They’ll be like, it is 40 points lower. What happened?
K
Yes. So being with you and talking with you, keeps me calm, unless you’re naked, and then it increases my blood pressure. Because there’s an excitatory response. And it’s really like how
C
We have not tested that one with doctors.
K
We’ve tested that one at home. I’ve showed you at home.
C
But I’m just saying that. I’m just clarifying that. I do not get naked at the doctor’s.
K
Is it pressures a lot of pressure?
C
There is a lot of pressure for me.
K
Because you’re my medicine.
C
Yeah.
K
Are you being serious?
C
Yeah.
K
So what’s it like? I don’t know what it’s like because I’m not medicine for you.
C
It’s like drink me in because in Japanese you drink your medicines rather than
K
Yeah.
C
Yeah.
K
Like you drink chocolate. Anything melts? If the melted form, then you drink it. Yeah, eat it. That’s interesting to me. Like, what you and what you drink, and what you swallow.
C
I think I feel a lot of pressure to justify less so now. But previous places that I’ve worked with be like, well just be here for the day. You know, just take a short trip. It’s not gonna it’s not gonna kill Kisstopher. Like, I am not sure of that.
K
Yeah, we are not at all.
C
And my current job knows that. If I have a meeting or something, and you need me, I will miss that meeting. And that’s not something special to me. That’s something that everybody in the company knows is expected for them as well. So I feel like I don’t know whether it was that way when I started. But no, it’s that way now. That that everybody is allowed to prioritize taking care of themselves on their partner over making meetings or whatever.
K
Yeah, I think I’m the most disabled partner. I don’t think anyone has a partner as disabled as.
C
I am. Yeah, I’m not sure because it’s just not a big deal. Like, I’m get emails from somebody saying, Hey, I’m out for the day. And it’s not a discussion. It’s just their need. They need to be out for the day. So I don’t know.
K
I think he helped me not fall into the I haven’t been doing as good mental health wise as I would like. But I think that you’ve been really helpful this go around. And like, if this is the new fear with chronic illness and chronic pain is, is this the new normal? That’s always the fear, like, Is this the new normal? And we can look back and say we keep just stacks and stacks of, we keep every single one of my tests and we can see the flow of my test. And I wish that it was seasonal. I wish that it was predictive. And it’s not, I can’t predict it. But usually like food cravings will be
C
fine. So for those who want to look into this, but should absolutely say nothing to Kisstopher about it. We keep monthly records of your complete blood count panels.
K
Yeah. And so I don’t share my values and my numbers, because that just feels really intrusive. And I have had people ask them, Well, what are your values?
C
Okay. Where did you do your fellowship in endocrinology? That’s what I want to know.
K
Yeah. And what are you going to do with this information? Are you going to cure me? Because if you have a cure, I’ll listen to it. But who have you tested it on? Who’s your human trial, because I’m the only person with lupus, hereditary coproporphyria and lupus anticoagulant.
C
And trust me when I say cinnamon is not the cure. Because that’s the one weird cure. They were. They were advertising for a while. You – like, eat cinnamon. Like no, no, you’re so wrong.
K
Yeah, I if I eat cinnamon I have a psychotic break.
C
Yes, literally.
K
Like literally, I will not know. Reality from imagine I’ll have auditory and visual hallucinations. And it’s really, really uncomfortable. And I love cinnamon. And so we didn’t know that cinnamon would cause that. And me because I was making like, so they were saying pumpkin Japanese pumpkin and cinnamon was the best thing for me to eat. So I was eating Japanese pumpkin and cinnamon every day for like, a month. Yeah. And then I started having full on visual and auditory hallucinations. And I was like, what’s causing it? And they were like, we think you’ve overdosed on cinnamon.
C
Because it has those effects on everybody in sufficient doses.
K
Yes, I shows you how much I was eating. I was eating like a bottle of cinnamon. Like, wait, when you go down the spice aisle. I was eating like a bottle of cinnamon a day. Yeah. And so come to find out that yes. It’s like being on acid. It’s not only being on acid is really weird.
C
It’s being on nutmeg. Yeah. Cuz that has the same properties.
K
You have to eat A lot of it. And so if you guys like How can you eat that much? Well, just as anybody’s eaten so much carrots their hands have turned orange is possible to eat like a lot of something. And I really love any sort of squash or pumpkin. I really love the flavor of them.
C
Yeah. So there’s some of your favorite fruits.
K
Yeah, and so the Kabocha is really delicious. It’s really tasty, like, and I’m totally craving it now. But I know that like, one my body couldn’t process that. So I’m supposed to be eating my only clear liquids.
C
Yeah, so super, super, super fibrous thing is not the right thing right now.
K
Yeah. So eating like, we have broth. We have Boolean eating Boolean soup. And I can eat bullion soup with vegetables. If I’m feeling okay, that day if like my body can tolerate it. So as long as I’m not throwing anything up as long as I can keep things down, so that more complicated than if I can swallow if I can swallow and keep things in my stomach. Then I don’t have to be hospitalized. But if I start to vomit, I have to be hospitalized because I have to have IV food. Yes fed intravenously.
C
Yes, because not eating will trigger porphyria. One of the best known triggers of porphyria Yes, fasting.
K
So that’s really nice to have doctors I understand because I’m obese. And I don’t feel any negativity about that at all. It’s really nice to have doctors, like you have to train Japanese doctors because they’re like, you’re fat. That’s what’s wrong. Yeah. Because you’re fat
C
American doctors like that, too.
K
Yeah. And then I have one doctor that’s like, Oh, you’re exercising a lot this month, I can tell because your values are good. I promise you, I have not exercised at all. And they’re like, No, you’re exercising. I’m like, No, I’m telling you. I’m not. And the doctor left me in the eye and said that I’m going to write down you exercise. Okay, you can write that down. I mean, if that makes you feel good.
C
Some of the times I’ve been there, I haven’t gone since COVID. Started. But I used to go to your appointments. And sometimes they look at me and say, Hmm, when they when Christopher is sleeping. Does Christopher get up and exercise in the middle of the night? Like you’re asleep? Exercising? Yeah, I don’t know it. Yes.
K
Like the only way that you could be improving the way that you’re improving, because so tested for last, all of my levels were just like, awesome. They’re just like dream levels, looking like I was in 100% recovery, and then in a matter of weeks, just crash. And so they’re like, This is so strange. And the doctor said, Maybe I should cut back on my exercise. Because the time for that the doctor was like, you’re exercising as why everything’s so good, right? And they’re like, well, now you’re taking it too far. And then like, I promise you, I haven’t been exercising, like my weight has been exactly the same. For years. Yes, I have chosen the weight that I am. This is the weight that I like to be for the lifestyle that I like to live. And when I drop a bunch of weight, I regain it. As soon as I’m feeling better again. Just sometimes I’ll lose a bunch of weight. Because just because I can answer everyone’s like, Oh, I so wish I could, you know, have your thing where you would just drop 20 pounds in a couple weeks? I’m like, No, you don’t understand what’s going you don’t understand the cost of that to me.
C
Yeah, because you have your normal levels, you have the Japanese test, they give them to you. They give you the results, which is a contrast with America where you have to fight to get those results. But they’ll have a normal range. And you’ll have most of your stuff in the normal range. And a few things might be high or low. Like depending on how you’ve been doing your cholesterol might be a little high or it might be normal, or this or that. Yeah. And then there’ll be like a couple levels that are like 25 times what they’re supposed to be. Yeah. And the doctor is like, what is going on here?
K
Yeah, why is this one thing? Yeah. So much higher. It’s usually my amylase.
C
Your it’s usually your gamma GTP, which is related to the amylase. The amylase is often high, but the gamma GTP is the one that’s like, many, many times what it’s supposed to be
K
And the gamma GP GTP is liver. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. I know I wasn’t gonna say my levels, but
C
I didn’t say level just how many times I was supposed to.
K
Oh, yeah. We said names of what’s been checked? Yeah. I do get full blood panel every time they do check everything full blood and urine. They don’t do other stuff. But they can. Yeah, I’ve asked them not to. Not to do this. I don’t mind being scoped and scammed. So scopes is for me to be what I call being scoped is they put a scope down my throat while unconscious, and I can feel it and look around my stomach and my esophagus and then a scope up the other orifices while you’re awake and unable to fill them such. And so I get those kinds of scopes and such about once a year maybe. Yeah, they’re not my favorite. By far. I really don’t like being scoped it’s so uncomfortable. And I remained feeling uncomfortable for days afterwards.
C
Yeah. Now if it is your favorite, we don’t need to hear about your fetish.
K
So today’s was just all over the place because I’m all over the place. And thank you for listening and hanging in and thank you for if you’re one of our lovely supporters. She’s send lovely messages on Twitter. Thank you. I really appreciate it. It does mean a lot. It does make a difference and If you’re one of our patrons, today we’re talking about why people don’t like us because we’re successful.
C
Yes. Jealousy over even
K
succeeding and people some you’re very angry that the process sucks.
C
Well, jealousy over even perceived success. Because yeah, we’re saying yes, the press is succeeding here. But we don’t boast, like, look at how successful the press is. And you can’t tell.
K
Yeah. And so a lot of it has to do with perception. Yes, like my hell. Yeah. So thank you so much for listening this week. And we will talk to you next week. And we hope that you follow us on over to Patreon. If you become our patron for just three bucks. You can Yeah, because if you just do one month and do three bucks to have over 100 was like over 150. Now
C
Yeah, you need to binge you need to get to work right away. If you want to stay within one month,
K
it might take you like, you know, nine bucks or 12 bucks to get all the tech tees but I think some of them are interesting, and some of them are valid, like behind the scenes of the podcast, or our thoughts that we didn’t do in the main episode, or stuff about publishing. So yeah, I was facing out. So we’re gonna head on over to the Take two. Bye bye