Social Confidence For Life: Recent Episodes
Josh Valentine - Social Anxiety Healer, Social Confidence Teacher
Social Confidence For Life is a podcast that helps men and women who feel caged in social anxiety become comfortable being themselves in any social setting. Confidence is a muscle and you can build it much, much faster than you think!
After struggling with shyness, social anxiety, and depression for 10 years, Josh Valentine discovered the path to ever-increasing social confidence. He now works with clients from all over the world to help them break through their social fears to create a life that truly inspires them.
This show is packed with profound, life-transforming information on how to overcome social anxiety and gain confidence in social interactions, dating, public speaking, leading colleagues at work, speaking up in meetings, asking for what you want, standing up to bullies, and every area of life that matters most.
For over 15 years, I felt scared of disapproval, and tried pleasing others to avoid it. But, I was miserable because I wasn't real. Tune into this episode to learn what those 3 steps are.
P.S. Have you heard? I'm holding a FREE webinar limited to only the first 200 Registrants where I explain how I defeated anxiety to become completely comfortable being myself around anyone and how you can too. Click here to learn more: https://www.socialconfidenceforlife.com/comfortablybeyourselfaroundanyone
Our future is truly in our own hands as much as life will allow it. We just have to be willing to feel uncomfortable as we shoot for our dreams and then dance with life if we did all we could and life moves us elsewhere.
And to speed up progress, facing and letting go of our childhood pains liberates us so we aren't setting limitations on our lives, and instead, dare to dream bigger, allowing more progress.
So, let's decide now to move toward our dreams because what else are we doing with out time ;]
Let’s do this!
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, “5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier” here.
The sooner we cut through the bull crap of excuses and stories of why we can’t break out of anxiety and see that anxiety is a learned response, a script we can rewrite to instill confidence… the faster we can create the incredible and entirely possible feeling we are awesome no matter what and always on top of the world!
Here is the powerful question we need to ask ourselves right now because the longer we delay it, the longer we hurt: “Am I willing to experiment to see if confidence is possible?”
Once you open your mind to experiment, you’re ready to change.
So, tune in now and enjoy the internal shifts.
Let’s do this!
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, “5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier” here.
Every human being has unlimited potential of visualization to tap into… the problem is not everyone is cognizant of that or taking advantage of it!
Listen, we can have any dream, desire, goal, aspiration (income, relationships, career, lifestyle, dream house, dream car… you name it!) if we can already feel as if we have it without seeing it physically.
Now, this requires FOCUS! And yet it’s super doable and meant to be a lifestyle.
Tune into this powerful meditation breakdown to understand how it works and then go through the guided meditation to manifest your dreams into your physical reality.
Let’s do this!
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, “5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier” here.
Our greatest battle in life is treating our inner doubts and resistance to personal growth with love.
Now, love means not escaping them. It doesn't mean condoning doubt, but rather giving it the love it needs to soothe and dissipate.
Tune in now to learn how to let resistance to confidence go!
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
The most effective step to take toward confidence transformation is establishing a powerful enough why for blasting through anxiety.
Because your why is the extent of your motivation. With enough motivation, you can take the required action to gain all the confidence you want. Tune in to solidify your why!
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
Whatever your back story of anxiety and depression is, there IS a path of liberation.
You will inevitably find yourself at the crossroads of staying on the path of anxiety and worsening it or the path of freedom from anxiety; confidence and boldness. Tune in to this interview to learn how to choose confidence!
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
How long have we been attacking/punishing ourselves for something we did in the past? Unless we take the right action steps to let that part of ourselves go, we will only feel worse over time.
Tune in to get some help with forgiving yourself for anything you may be hurting over.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
Interestingly, the questions we ask predict where we go in life because what we are seeking answers to is where we are putting our focus. And energy flows where focus goes.
If we want to make more progress in life, then we must focus on asking more powerful questions. Tune in to learn more!
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
That feeling of "ahh I'm not getting results fast enough! I don't like myself!!" does not serve us. Yet we easily do that to ourselves because we get impatient.
Tune in to learn about how to control impatience and align with a sense of urgency to build your dream life without over demanding anything of yourself so you can enjoy the journey.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
Here's the powerful seemingly cold truth. You are on a timer. Me too. Everyone is. We will all die one day.
Most people may never live fully before they die. And that doesn't have to be us. We can choose right now to do that. One choice.
Tune in to learn more about living fully now!
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
Coming up with a dream can be a challenge, and a greater challenge is gaining the commitment level of doing whatever it takes to live your dream.
Success is inevitable when we are willing to do whatever it takes. I'm talking about true success; unleashing untapped confidence from within, which radiates out into impact in the world.
Tune in to learn about instilling such motivation.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
Being trapped in anxiety, we easily, subconsciously, even if we don't want to admit it, would say we are... not valuable, not good enough, awkward, embarrassing, not interesting, not good with people, scared, anxious...
And coming from that place, having those thoughts, yes, that's how we would feel. That's what we would be reinforcing.
I felt like that for over a decade of my life because those were the thoughts I kept feeding.
However, I reached a point where I had 2 decisions to make. Keep making my life worse, feel more anxious with time, or steer life in the direction of confidence.
I chose to see for myself if change and confidence was possible and it worked! It worked because I kept moving in that direction until change became apparent.
The same is possible for you if you decide to choose to unleash a different version of you. In order to unleash your confidence within, you must let yourself become someone different. Someone who views anxiety as just the gym through which a more powerful version of you is born.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
How would life be if you were liberated from anxiety? What would you do?
The good news is, you can, indeed, be liberated faster and easier than you think. The crazy part is, the voice of anxiety will make you believe it's not possible because it wants to keep you safe. Tune in now to get above this voice!
Click here to download my newly published book, The Ultimate Confidence Game for only 99c: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08C251HLS
You ever feel like you are way too critical of yourself? How do we make that stop?
Somewhere beneath our anxieties, we know that if we could somehow stop rejecting ourselves, then we would no longer be held back by the fear of what others think because we would be internally validated always. And this takes consistent practice. Tune in to get some powerful practice in.
Click here to download my newly published book, The Ultimate Confidence Game for only 99c available at this price for only a couple weeks to maximize reviews and spread the message of self-love: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08C251HLS
Here's something interesting: by changing the questions we ask, we change the way we feel and the results we get. To learn more, and uncover the top 2 questions to ask to transform confidence rapidly, tune in now!
Click here to download my newly published book, The Ultimate Confidence Game for only 99c available at this price for only a couple weeks to maximize reviews and spread the message of self-love: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08C251HLS
So... you wanna become more socially confident, eh??
I mean I get it. Anxiety does not = more success in conversations, connection and having fun in life. If we wanna live the most impactful life we can, then we must develop confidence. And it begins with raising our standards. Tune in to learn more!
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
What do you do when circumstances are anything but ideal?
That outcome you really want just isn't panning out or occurring. Things are not going the way you want. Well, there are 2 choices. Feel horrible and pout, or rise above the situation and continue living fully. If circumstances will change, we leave it up to life to decide. Tune in now to learn more!
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
You ever feel like you are way too demanding of yourself?
When we over-demand ourselves to achieve more and quicker, we actually get results slower because we will burn ourselves out and we don't have the added energy of having fun. Tune in to learn how to stop perfectionism now!
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
Do you ever feel a bit powerless to take control of your emotions?
I've been there too! It's crazy because we get so sucked into it and we NEED a certain outcome. And while we don't have it, we doing feel good. Tune in as Josh walks you through how to take back control of your emotions so you can make decisions from a place of empowerment!
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
Where do you draw the line between polite and confident? What's the difference?
Without realizing it, we can easily fall into the pattern of being way too nice. We can think that we are being confident in showing up and being ourselves, but is it possible that in doing so, we are actually being too nice and subtly seeking approval? Tune in now to find out what's true for you and how to reclaim confidence.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
Why are mistakes so difficult to get over sometimes, making us constantly relive them?
First off, it happens. It's the natural reaction to not wanting the outcome of having made mistakes. However, over time, this natural process can get let go so we stop carrying the past with us into the present, negatively affecting our lives. Tune in to work on letting the past go.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
Here's the powerful truth that we would all rather avoid - Tomorrow Is Not Promised.
None of us knows when our time is up. However, that just makes time more precious and when we internalize the importance of living fully now, we become more confident. Tune in now to develop a greater sense of purpose to live passionately.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
If you want a shortcut to increasing confidence, start by calling yourself out with little things that you are wrong in.
When we seek to look perfect and deny when we are wrong to ourselves and others, we are avoiding a hurt part of ourselves that doesn't feel significant and needs approval.
When we finally admit when we are wrong, we heal that part of ourselves and the need to be approved, giving ourselves the approval.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
Oh man that dreaded group conversation! How do we just jump in?
Coming before a social group can make the mind spin in self-doubt and worry of not knowing what to say. Then we freeze and don't speak up. Join Josh Valentine in this episode as he guides you on gaining the confidence to comfortably join group conversations.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
You know what's crazy? Since childhood, it's entirely possible that we've collected different kinds of pains over the years and then shut them out of our awareness.
We can carry this baggage of pain with us on a day to day basis. And when we tune into our inner sadness, we free ourselves to focus on things that make us happy : ) Tune in now for positive influence.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
COVID-19 days can cause panic, confusion, and a lot of uncertainty. We may even feel lonely and disconnected. Understandable because it's hard to know how to adapt to change when we aren't sure of who we are and that is okay. I didn't know who I was for over a decade of my life, but when I did, my life lit up with passion : ) It takes time, and that time can be reduced with this episode to help us feel grounded amidst chaos.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
Impatience never wins the game, however, the fastest way to get the confidence we want is to establish our daily disciplines and focus on the journey and consistent steps in the right direction! I know the temptation to give up when we feel progress is too slow. And this episode will give us a "pick-me up" to enjoy the daily steps in the right direction.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
Does it feel like your life is sometimes being hijacked by the anxious part of you and you're sitting in the back seat feeling somewhat unable to take back control? We can easily think that we aren't in control when we let anxiety drive, and at any given moment we can choose to get closer to putting our confidence back in the driver's seat. Tune in to do that!
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
Have you ever felt negatively judged for being you? Overcome that now so you can become unstoppable in being none other than YOU because that's when you feel the most powerful, authentic and confident. It can feel almost impossible when others criticize us for it, and this episode will get you through it! Tune in now!
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
What could it do for us if we just did that uncomfortable thing we are avoiding today or started moving toward it? Maybe it's a difficult conversation you've been meaning to have. Maybe it's just initiating a conversation with someone. Whatever it is, when we take charge of our lives and take action now, we live fully and feel most alive.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
When you see life like it really is- a game that is constantly filled with opportunities to grow emotionally, you now have 2 choices to make. Play the game of life and see how awesome you can become, or hold back in life because of a fear of challenges. Truth is challenges are the gym for emotional growth. It's necessary. Tune in for motivation and tips to catch fire of perpetual emotional growth.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
What would it be like if your social confidence doubled or tripled or kept increasing exponentially? The more social confidence we have, the more depth we can create in connecting with others, which leads to more authentic, meaningful and edifying conversations. Tune in now to gain some tips to sharpen your social confidence skill.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
How do you let love in when dealing with anxiety? Seeing the world through the lens of anxiety makes everything look bleak. When we believe we aren't loved, we hate ourselves. However, the truth is, you can probably make a list of people who love you. And even if you can't, you are the only person you ever needed love from to feel love. Tune in to do that now!
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
What are we really afraid of with anxiety? When we peel back the onion, we find that our fears stem down to a fear of rejection, specifically from ourselves because that's where we feel the pain. And, we can soothe our fear of the worst rejection that could happen (in our heads) before we even enter future social interactions so we enter them relaxed. Get started now!
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
What do you do when anxiety gets too noisy you can't seem to quiet the noises and take control of your life? The only way to soothe anxiety is to embrace it with love. It's scared and needs our attention to relax. As we relax anxiety, we gain power to build our life up. Tune in to do exactly that!
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
How do you determine when to stop fighting for that meaningful outcome and let go? And, is it possible we are giving up too soon when if we were persistent, we'd make a beautiful impact? The truth is, life controls the outcomes we get, but we grow the most when we take the fight to the end where life decides if we can have what we want.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
Is it possible that we are the ones self-sabotaging certain results and outcomes we want in our lives? Could that be true for the confidence and charisma we seek? What if we just expose this now? Yeah, why don't we?! Tune in and lets go on this journey together.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
If you project the trajectory of your life if you don't change your level of anxiety, where is it headed? Do you like where your life is headed? In my days of anxiety, I didn't even think about the trajectory of my life. But when I did, that's when I changed my life forever. Tune in to redefine your life now!
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
Do you feel free to display your full personality in the world and pursue your goals, dreams, aspirations? Or is it possible that you are holding back because others might judge you negatively for doing so? Tune in for positive influence on holding on to that most free, authentic and powerful version of yourself!
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
What if today you decided to start facing that fear (you know which one it is)? How might that alter the trajectory of your life for the better? If we keep putting this off, are we actually growing more fearful and anxious over time? Tune in to gain clarity on your path in life and for strength to face that fear!
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
Man oh man life can get chaotic, lonely, confusing at times... and one thing is certain- the thoughts we feed our mind dictate how we feel and whether we are growing more confident or anxious. Tune in for positive influence on instilling empowering thoughts!
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
What if you held on just a little longer? Could you realize that confident, bold, authentic version of yourself was just around the corner? Maybe. Maybe not. There's only one way to find out and regardless, if we choose not to give up, we will inevitably grow stronger regardless of our goals. Tune in for motivation!
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
Have you ever stopped pursuing a goal because it felt like the results weren't arriving fast enough? Is it possible that the results were, in fact, arriving- just not in the timeline we wanted? We can always take the next step in our progression. That's true success. Life decides how and when the results arrive.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
So you might be feeling lonely during these days of isolation. Here's the kicker, loneliness is not a measure of social connection but of inner connection. Even if people are around us, if we don't love and accept ourselves, we feel lonely, disconnected. Tune in for positive influence on gaining self-connection!
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
If you want more confidence, simply get more steps in throughout the day. Doing so makes us more energetic to take the actions we want. During my anxiety days, I didn't move around much, stayed to myself a lot and that drained my energy. Movement affects confidence! Tune in for mindset tips while walking!
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
How we use our extra time during the COVID-19 crisis reveals to us the person we are becoming much like more money amplifies a person's characteristics. When I was struggling in anxiety, I didn't focus much time on self-development. And it held me back. Tune in for tips on self-improvement during social lockdown!
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
Do you know what it really takes to break through anxiety? It takes a willingness to turn inward and embrace your anxious and fearful feelings with love, acceptance, connection and presence. When I was stuck in anxiety, I tended to ignore my feelings. Bad Idea. Tune in for positive influence on turning more inward.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
What if you made a life altering choice today and never looked back that you fully commit to being on your own side no matter what? Even when you make mistakes, fail, feel awkward, embarrassed. No matter what happens, you will never abandon love for yourself. Would you find that valuable if you operated like that? Tune in to get started now!
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
It feels so limiting when we can't seem to break through that barrier of anxiety. It feels like we can't come along on an incredible ride in life and instead have to stay back on the sidelines. Tune to learn 2 Powerful Visualizations To Make Anxiety Disappear!
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
What if all you did in the next few days was raise your standards up 5%? We all have standards that currently make up the choices we make and effort we put out. And that affects our rate of confidence growth. Tune in for motivation to raise your standards today to boost your confidence!
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
How would you like it if you no longer felt held back by anxiety to pursue anything you wanted? We are filled with energy that either builds success or prevents us from taking the action we need to make that happen. Tune in to learn how to reinforce confident energy that gets you the results you want!
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
Maybe you've envisioned an ideally expressive and charismatic version of yourself at one point. Maybe not. Maybe you fantasize about it. In any case, anxiety can stop us from turning up the volume of our personalities, and here are 5 hacks to unleash your expressiveness!
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
We each get 24 hours in the day to kick butt! However, to reach higher levels of satisfaction in the day, we need to optimize our priorities! That means rank priorities based on how happy and confident they make us feel. Tune in for tips on cleaning up your 24 hour schedule!
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
What would it do for your life if you consistently had energy to take the next step toward any goal? We all find ourselves in ruts at times with low motivation and energy coupled with high discouragement. And it can spiral us downward into a vicious cycle of depression. Learn how to stay ahead of this now!
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
Did you know that all fears can become exciting? The more you believe your fears will one day become exciting, the quicker you witness that in your life. In fact, the more you affirm this statement, the more you believe it and the quicker you grow and evolve toward your ideal confident self.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
How awesome would it be to consistently get that satisfying feeling of being ahead in life, promptly taking care of your tasks, getting your mission accomplished, and being on top of the world? Tune it to focus on staying ahead in life and not procrastinating and consequently feeling discouraged.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
Are there personality traits that you wish you had? Do you wish you could exude charisma, charm, confidence, be funny, engaging, and be a captivating story teller? Any behavior can be molded by applying these techniques.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
Are the people you surround yourself with uplifting, supporting, encouraging, and praising you? Or, are they bad influences on you? Tune in for motivation and tips on upgrading the people you communicate with so you can increase your influence toward a better, more powerful version of YOU!
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
Would you like to have a quick, simple solution to anxiety when you feel it rising in any social interaction so you can hang on to confidence? Then, tune in and discover this easy to remember technique that you'll now have handy in any conversation.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
What would it be like if no matter the outcome, you truly felt amazing about yourself? No matter if you get rejected, disapproved of or fail at something. What if you could turn any outcome into a positive experience? Tune is as Josh Valentine guides you on how to do exactly that!
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
How well do you know yourself? Do you know your boundaries, values and standards? Are you living in them? Tune is as Josh Valentine guides you on how to set up your boundaries and reside in there so you can get the most out of life and maximize your confidence, feeling fully energetically charged!
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
Do you know what your calling is? Do you know what you are here on Earth to do? Tune is as Josh Valentine guides you on how to find your calling, and then kick back and enjoy watching your confidence soar as you find it.
TTo maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
When you set a goal, avoid this question early on and do this instead to remove doubt and maximize commitment! Tune is as Josh Valentine guides you on how to stay on the path toward your goals and dreams!
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
So you're interested in blasting through anxiety fast! The way to do that is to turn up the intensity of your effort over time. You do this applying empowering statements and pump up rituals. Listen now to discover how this works and start acting on this today!
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
If what's between us and that socially confident life we want is fear, then how do we stop fear and what's the quickest way to do it? Join Josh Valentine in this episode where he guides you on how to destroy doubt easily and effectively.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
If you agree that confidence is a skill and the more of it you have, the better you feel, the more impact you make, then why not immerse yourself in it like gym work? Join Josh Valentine in this episode where he guides you on how to set up key exercises to apply consistently for your confidence growth.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
2 Tips To Relax Yourself When Anxiety Hits In Conversations.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
What if you couldn't ever feel rejected? What would you be unafraid to accomplish in your life? And how much quicker could you get results? Join Josh Valentine in this episode where he guides you on how to apply the easiest technique to become rejection proof.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
Here's a fun game changing question - "What's the most effective exercise you could apply to skyrocket your confidence?" Just the mere action of facing fears will help... but there's one that trumps them all! This is the "wax on, wax off" method to install a jet pack to your confidence. And it's super convenient and simple to apply. Join Josh Valentine in this episode where he guides you on how to apply the most effective practice for your confidence.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
One of the top questions among people with anxiety is, "is there a cure for social anxiety?" Many don't think there is. But the truth is, there is simply because progress is possible. We don't have to be stuck in anxiety. Join Josh Valentine in this episode where he guides you on how to finally overcome anxiety.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
What could it do for your confidence and ability to move past anxiety if you committed to take a leap today and charge into one of your social fears? A LOT. When you leap, you'll soar and feel more powerful to be you! Join Josh Valentine in this episode where he guides you on how to take the leap and kickstart your confidence transformation.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
When our fear of staying stuck outside group conversations exceeds the fear of the unknown and uncertainty of jumping in, we finally do it. This is essential if you ever want to form satisfying friendships. You can't hide from this forever and create a fun social life. Join Josh Valentine in this episode where he guides you on how to overcome the fear of, and build the skill, to jump into group conversations.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
The one person you are stuck with forever is you, so you might as well become your best friend. However, do you sorta, kinda, or really not like yourself? Join Josh Valentine in this episode where he guides you on forming a deeply loving and accepting relationship with yourself to further your progress on eradicating anxiety.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
Do you feel like you are less than others? Do you feel like you aren't good at anything? Do you believe you have much to offer in social interactions? Join Josh Valentine in this episode where he guides you on owning your value so you can feel more confident and contribute more in conversations and life.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
Does it feel like no matter how hard you try to work on confidence that it's never good enough? When's the last time you gave yourself credit for the work you put into facing social fears to develop your confidence? Being too hard on yourself kills your confidence, and the truth is, there are abundant opportunities throughout the day to pause and celebrate your progress toward a more powerful you. Join Josh Valentine in this episode where he guides you on how to stop viewing yourself as not good enough, stuck in anxiety forever, and start to see yourself as the owner of your life who can and will inevitably gain the confidence success you want.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
Does it feel painful when your crush only sees you as a friend? What about when others disapprove of ideas you present at work? And how about when you try to connect with others, but they seem disinterested in you? Does all this make you wonder if there is something wrong with you? Maybe you are starting to view yourself as pathetic, not good enough, and a loser. Join Josh Valentine in this episode where he guides you on how to stop criticizing yourself when you get an unwanted outcome and to value yourself as nothing less than awesome no matter what response others give you.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
Do you feel an intense need to be better than others around you? And do you feel like because you don't match up to others, you are insignificant and not good enough? The truth is, that's their life and it doesn't have to impact who you are and the life you lead. Join Josh Valentine in this episode where he guides you on how to stop comparing yourself to others and instead focus on contributing toward your own unique, ideal version of YOU and your own special life mission.
Are you okay with the way you look in the mirror? Could you go as far as to say you even like the way you look? Or do you find yourself non-stop criticizing your body image when you look at yourself? Join Josh Valentine in this episode where he guides you on how to stop criticizing your appearance and get to the next level in relating to yourself in a more positive, uplifting, and powerful way. When you nail down accepting your body image, you unlock way more freedom to be YOU in any social setting.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
Do you want a raise in your income? Perhaps you're not getting the income you deserve, but you're afraid to ask for a raise. And maybe you'd like to start looking elsewhere for a job, but feel too uncertain to quit your current job to pursue one that delivers the income which reflects the value you bring. Join Josh Valentine in this episode where he guides you on how to prepare to confidently ask your boss for a raise and to overcome the fears in the way.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
Does it feel like some invisible force is yanking you from just jumping into a conversation, sharing your perspective, telling jokes and otherwise being spontaneous? Join Josh Valentine in this episode where he shares how to deal with anxiety and become outgoing so nothing can stop you from building connections, friendships, and relationships.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
Do you find it difficult to join group conversations at social gatherings whether it's with strangers or people you know? Do you hesitate to insert yourself when people are talking? Join Josh Valentine in this episode where he guides you on how to overcome being left out so you can get to the next level of your boldness and authenticity.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
If you were honest with yourself, would you say that work is a scary place because you worry that you'll do something that will displease your boss and then he or she will fire you? Do you take on too many demands trying to look good to your boss or supervisor, but you never really feel like you are enough? Join Josh Valentine in this episode where he guides you on how to eradicate anxiety and instill a deep sense of confidence at work.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
Tired of not standing up to criticism or bullies because you're afraid to confront them or don't know what to say?
Check out "5 Ways To Instantly Dissolve Criticism" to learn how to neutralize criticism with confidence and strategy.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
So how much are you held back from expressing yourself freely in any social situation because of your fear of potential rejection or disapproval from others, or in some way not getting the responses that you want? Join Josh Valentine in this episode where he shares how to eliminate your fear of rejection so nothing stops you from showing up powerfully as your most bold, authentic self in your social life, dating life, career life, and all other areas of life that matter most to you.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
It's super limiting to believe you are stuck in anxiety, be terrified of rejection, and be overly nice, people pleasing, and approval seeking. Don't you just wish you could turn that all around to be free to be who you are, expressing yourself however you want to? Join Josh Valentine in this episode where he shares 3 core tips to overcome shyness and anxiety fast!
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
Today, we are discussing how to feel like you are enough. This is extremely important because if we carry around the energy that we are inadequate, then we reinforce the self-fulfilling prophecy that we are not enough. This is because when we don’t get the outcomes we want, then we take that is further proof that we aren’t enough. It becomes easier to say, “You see? I knew I wasn’t good enough. Things don’t tend to go my way.” And with this attitude, we bring more of these outcomes into our lives almost like we are seeking them (well… because we are! It’s a subtle way of showing you are angry at life).
That being said, do you currently feel like you are not enough in any area of your life that matters most to you? Are you enough around people? Are you enough around people you are attracted to?
Key Areas I Felt I Wasn’t Good Enough Included: – I didn’t think I was attractive. This made me hesitant in approaching the women I was into.
– I thought I wasn’t muscular enough, therefore people don’t take me seriously and don’t see me as valuable in social settings or sports.
– I didn’t think I was interesting or funny enough, so people found me boring and didn’t want to friends with me.
So, where do you feel like you aren’t enough?
Transition Point When I finally accepted something that we all know but don’t always accept- that feeling like we are not enough is something we do to ourselves and is not caused by the world, our circumstances, or a condition we think we are stuck in, I began actively and intentionally building my own source of feeling enough and significant.
Key Points – If you want to feel like you are enough, then you must stop “Needing” things and start to want or prefer them instead. For example, instead of needing approval from people, shift your energy to, “I prefer that they approve of me, however, I’m good either way.” You don’t need their approval. If they don’t like you, you are awesome as you are anyway.
– To really dig out this part of you that feel like you are not enough, create a list of areas you feel insufficient in. Identify this behavior in yourself, then track down where this energy is in your body to let it go.
This may sound weird to you if you haven’t done much meditation before where you pay attention to the feelings inside your body, however, you know that feeling of “I’m not enough.” What I’m referring to is find where that feeling is in your body and send it acceptance, presence, and love. Talk to it, calm it, and soothe it.
Don’t abandon this part of you. It just needs your focus and empathy to be let go.
Success On The Other Side Having applied this into my life, I now truly believe that I have plenty of value to give others in any area of my life because I’ve let go of the energy inside me, telling me I wasn’t enough.
Rather than feeling like “I’m not enough,” I now struggle sometimes with, “Did I give enough?” Isn’t that crazy? There’s always another level of growth. The important point is to make progress. And you CAN feel enough. It’s an inside game.
Your Challenge – Identify 3 areas you feel you aren’t enough in. For me, it could have been 1) I’m not attractive enough 2) I’m not muscular enough 3) I’m not interesting or funny enough.
– Then, find that energy in your body, and feel it to let it go.
You don’t need more. You don’t need to achieve more. You can love yourself right now just as you are.
You are enough.
Whatever areas you identify, you’ve got this. You can handle this. This is just the beginning of an epic transformation to owning your significance, value, and worth.
I love you and want to see you succeed.
Until we speak again, you were born to be real, not to be perfect. So go out there and be who you are.
I’ll talk to you soon.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
Do you ever find yourself in situations where you want to say no, disagree, or make your own choice, but because you want to be nice and not offend others, you feel incapable of doing what you REALLY want to do, and instead end up being overly nice and people pleasing? Join Josh Valentine in this episode where he'll lay out a simple and powerful 5-step path toward becoming less nice and more you!
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
How many times have you wanted to enter a social situation, but then your fear of what others might think and the potential for rejection caused you to pull a mission abort? Join Josh Valentine in this impactful episode where he guides you through 4 highly effective steps to eradicate anxiety and instill confidence!
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
FACT: Better Conversations = A Better Life. More Success And More Fun Include Conversations For The Most Part. To Polish Up Your Conversations, Check out these 4 Steps To Initiate And Maintain Conversations!
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
The more social power we can generate and build over time, the more fun we can have in social interactions. And improving our social interactions is one way to drastically boost the quality of our lives. An important question to ask is, “How can I build my social ability to connect?”
Before I made it a point and mission in life to consistently build my social capacity, I was limited in my ability to enter any conversation because of my fear of judgement, criticism, disapproval, and a doubt in myself that I’d be good enough in interactions.
Then… I started treating social power like a muscle and found the tools and exercises that work to build it.
Here Are 6 Ways To Generate Social Power => 1. Get free of feeling scared about what others will think about you.
In order to exercise this in your life, apply the “If, Then Technique.” This works by asking, “If I say/do this, then what will happen (fill in what you think they’ll say or think about you)?”
After you come up with your fear of what they’ll say/think about you, repeat the same question, “If they say/think that, then what will happen?”
The point is to repeat this chain of thought until it gets absurd and you realize it doesn’t matter in the end what they think/say because you can handle whatever happens.
Also observe that at the end of this exercise, you’ll always realize that what you are ultimately afraid of is feeling uncomfortable from what they say. If you can handle your uncomfortable feelings, then you can stay in the game socially.
=> 2. Ask The Right Questions (that get you out of your head and onto the people you are talking to).
These questions include, “How can I add value here?” “What can I bring right now?” “If I put myself in their shoes, what would that be like?” “How can I get out of my mind and onto them?” What can I love about this person?” “What can I learn from this person?”
The more you ask questions that give you ideas of how to add value in conversations, the more able you are to create fun, engaging social interactions.
=> 3. Let Go Of Approval Seeking.
Approval seeking is trying to control everyone’s opinions of you so that they like you and approve of you. This is exhausting, not possible, and creates a fake version of you.
The truth is, when you are your most bold and authentic self, some people won’t agree with everything you do.
And that’s alright. If we all like the same things, then we’d all be robots. To be you is worth having some people not like or agree with some things you do.
You’re okay as you are.
To build your capacity here, seek to relate instead. This is adopting the attitude, “I’m just going to show up authentically and whatever happens happens. It doesn’t matter if he or she doesn’t like me, I like me and I’m consistently working on building a better version of me. I can handle rejection or disapproval.”
=> 4. Conduct Social Experiments.
This is giving yourself mini-confidence challenges, the point of which is to step out of your comfort zone so you can become more comfortable over time with the social actions that scare you. Through facing uncomfortable social interactions, you will break through to peace and comfort on the other side.
You can apply friendly greetings and give yourself the challenge of greeting 25 people in a row and see how many hi’s you get back. The point is to greet with a more energetic, bold, and confident version of you.
And if some people don’t say hi back or give you a weird look, great! Lean into that discomfort because it isn’t about how they respond, it’s about your becoming comfortable expressing yourself however you want without fear of what others think.
Other mini-challenges include asking for 100 dollars, asking for free meals, asking to try on an article of clothing from someone such as shoes, hats, jackets, etc. You can also share something of yours with someone like almonds or chocolates and work on withstanding any rejection that may occur.
=> 5. Apply The Reinvention Technique.
This is about asking yourself, “What situation would I like to show up way better in?” And then imagining someone who can, and channel that person’s energy!
Picture how someone would act in a social interaction in the way that you’d like to act and then mimic that person! This is a great way to influence your actions. Because by thinking about that person’s actions, you now have it in your mind what you want to do. Then, just say, “3, 2, 1, go!” and do what that person would do!
You can think of a mentor in your life to model.
=> 6. Build Your Assertiveness.
This is about building your capacity to take care of yourself.
One way to do this is to apply the “No” exercise: say no to invites you don’t want to accept. Basically, say no to anything you don’t need to do and you don’t feel is a heck yes for you.
You’d be surprised how much more liberated you’ll feel when you build your ability to say no.
Another exercise is the “disagreement” drill: this is disagreeing with someone when you have a different perspective and then sharing your perspective.
The more you can handle disagreements, the deeper you can go in conversations because the more perspective and opinions you’ll share with others.
Furthermore, you can even challenge someone who is treating you bad and speak up, saying something like, “I don’t like (insert whatever you don’t like)… and I’d like for us to do (however you want to resolve the issue).
The point of applying these exercises is to generate more Social Power over time.
This is a lifestyle. Social confidence and power is like a muscle. The more we work them out, the stronger we get.
By applying these tools into your life, you’ll build your capacity to be the REAL you, saying and doing whatever you want to because you fear not what others will think about you.
Your Challenge! Apply one of these exercises until you have a good grasp on it, and then move onto another. Focus on one at a time until you feel great about all of them.
Remember, it’s not about taking giant leaps, it’s about taking steps in the right direction.
Just keep moving step by step, day by day.
And before you know it, you’ll be on the peak of your social game!
Until we speak again, you were born to be real, not to be perfect. So go out there and be who you are!
I’ll talk to you soon!
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
How are you in the process of getting things you want badly? Do you patiently wait out the journey? Or do you feel like you can’t get there fast enough to the point that you start feeling terrible about yourself for not having the results you want? Perfectionism is harming your sense of self-worth until you get the outcome you want, and most people are stuck doing this- in fact, there will always be perfectionist tendencies at every level in our growth. The more ambitious we become, the more a part of us wants to go faster and get the results ASAP!
What’s important is that we 1) catch ourselves in perfectionism and then, 2) let it go so we can enjoy working toward our goals without dealing with feeling terrible for not having what we want yet.
Feeling like a loser for not progressing “fast enough” is super discouraging and eventually causes us to give up if we don’t relax that part of ourselves becauseit gets stronger the longer we leave it unattended to.
It’s like a little kid shouting to his mother who denies her kid permission to play the Xbox, “I want to play it now!!!” And then the kid just can’t control his anger and upset at not being able to get what he wants ASAP.
What he’s dealing with is a tremendous sense of “I am not okay” without the Xbox. And that feeling of low self-esteem is so uncomfortable that he lashes out in anger and blames his mom for causing that feeling.
What the child really needs to reach peace is to let that perfectionist attitude of needing to have exactly what he wants go. Without ever working on this, the child will always feel horrible when he doesn’t get what he wants.
When people feel a compulsive need to get what they want, their experience is similar to this child’s. They, too, have a sense of “I’m not okay without what I want.”
One area that I’m currently working on letting go is getting my ideal body image. I noticed recently that when I see myself in the mirror, I have thoughts of “still no progress? What the heck!?” And then, I just pity myself.
However, there is a simple process for letting that go, but we have to be ready to because the short answer to healing ourselves from perfectionism is to prioritize our happiness above that which we want. And the ironic thing is, we think what we want will make us happy, but that’s the perfectionism talking. We don’t need what we want to be happy. We just need to be okay as we are without needing anything to be happy.
Here are 3 Steps To Let Go Of Perfectionism 1) Admit it. We all know when we get too obsessed with getting the results we want because it feels bad, but we can start telling ourselves the false story that we feel bad only because we don’t have what we want. The longer we tell this story, the stronger it gets and the more we hurt ourselves for not having what we want. We lose touch with reality, lost and consumed in our desires, until we admit the truth- we are inflicting pain on ourselves because we want something really badly.
The first step is to become aware of this so we can do something about it. The more we remind ourselves to be honest, the more we can see ourselves in perfectionism.
2) Upgrade your goal. Rather than getting attached to a distant goal like achieving the ideal body image, learning to sing or dance, or being able to bench press 50 more pounds, what’s a healthier goal?
In order to answer this, we need to think in terms of consistent progress. What is achievable on a consistent basis? By finding a way to celebrate progress frequently, you get to bypass the “All or Nothing” approach that either you achieve your goals, or you feel bad until you do.
For getting the ideal body image, you could shift your goal to feeling healthy and energetic in your body. This doesn’t mean you have to change your goals, you keep them if you want, and you just upgrade them. So you would still progress toward your ideal body image, but you do it to feel healthier and more energetic which occurs every time you workout.
In other words, you find a helpful why for getting your ideal body- to feel better in your body. As long as you are achieving that, you know you are making progress and can feel great about that.
So, how can you upgrade the goals you’ve become too attached too?
3) Feel it to heal it. This is about finding the perfectionistic energy within your body and feeling into it to let it go. Every emotional pain we have is energy we are producing. That means we can shift our energy. Just like the kid example of freaking out for not getting to play with his Xbox ASAP, we have that energy in our bodies when we get impatient with our results.
And just like the kid could use someone like his mother to help him let his attachment to the Xbox go to heal, we need to give our perfectionistic energy love and attention to let it go. So, instead of ignoring that part of ourselves in pursuit of our goals, to love it, we gotta embrace that uncomfortable feelingof, “I’m not okay” without that which we want really badly.
If this is hard to do, one great way to get to feeling your feelings is to journal about your experience.Just set a timer for 10 minutes and write about your inner experience with hurting over not progressing fast enough toward your goals.
If you feel defeated by a sense of hopelessness for having gone so long without having what you ultimately want like your ideal body image, don’t give up unless you really want to. If you’d prefer that you have what you want, apply the steps above and you’ll stop feeling so weighed down from not already being where you want to be in your life.
Instead, you can find joy on your journey toward realizing your desires.
The point is to prioritize your happiness above the actual acquiring of your goals.
Life isn’t about getting goals, it’s about internal transformation and growth.
As long as you focus on that, you can experience the constant joy from true progress rather than not seeing any wins in your life until you get that goal- which, by the way is only momentary. How long in duration is the moment you accomplish your goal? An instant. Once you get it, yay! You celebrate it. But, then it’s over. You already reached your goal. So what next?
If you haven’t worked on letting perfectionism go, you jump to something else to obsess over and get attached to.
Take action today and let go of perfectionism where you notice it!
Until we speak again, you were born to be real, not to be perfect. So go out there and be who you are.
I’ll talk to you soon.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
Today, we are discussing how to overcome shyness fast and improve our first impressions while we are at it. This is important because if we want to handle the area of connecting with others and being engaging, then we have to start with becoming more extroverted. Back in my more inhibited days of shyness, feeling depressed, and being low on energy, I couldn’t handle social gatherings like parties very well. I’d have to find that 1 or 2 people I knew and stay glued to them as my safe haven!
As a consequence, I didn’t meet new people, and they didn’t get to know me. I was also easily embarrassed and quick to judge myself, so that made me want to stay to myself in case people think I’m weird for being me and socializing.
It was very uncomfortable, and I would usually end up leaving these social gathering super early within the first 15 minutes to crawl back to safety where I didn’t feel so critical of myself.
It got to a point where I knew I had to do something about this shyness or I’d never make progress in my future.
I then broke down socializing and pinpointed one key element that is simple, yet profoundly liberating- friendly greetings.
The energy we can emit in our greetings is a measure of how socially confident we are because we can be timid about it, or we can be charismatic, and in-between the two lie a bunch of different social confidence levels.
Just working on greeting people can transform you.
3 key elements of making great impressions in greeting people include: 1. Solid eye contact.
-
Speaking up and clearly.
-
Making warm, friendly faces.
After applying these into my practice of friendly greetings, I was able to break through shyness and nail down my first impressions.
Now, I tend to meet anyone I don’t know because it’s more fun. Navigating through social gatherings to jump in and out of conversations whenever I want to, saying whatever I want to feels comfortable.
And the same is possible for you.
Your challenge: Practice friendly greetings with 25 people. Lean into the social fears that arise, and seek to perform on higher and higher levels of social confidence as you do them.
The only way out is through. There are only 2 outcomes in any social setting. Either it went really well or it was really funny. If you don’t get an outcome you want, then place it in the funny category. The point is to work on attaching a positive meaning to any outcome you get.
Until we speak again, you were born to be real, not to be perfect. So go out there and be who you are.
I’ll talk to you soon.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
Have you ever frozen up in a social setting? Maybe you get a reaction that you didn’t want or someone appears to be disinterested in what you say and you freeze up and don’t know how to proceed in a conversation. And you seem to be stuck in a loop of over analyzing and filtering out your ideas of what to say next. Perhaps, sometimes you freeze up before you even initiate a conversation. We all have something that scares us, whether it be approaching a gorgeous stranger or sharing an exciting idea at work, but it can be incredibly frustrating to feel stuck as if we are just out of reach with those things we most want. You may even feel that your throat tightens, your body gets tense, and your mind just generally goes blank.
Back when I would freeze up in conversations, even if I managed to start an interaction strong and confidently, something would happen that would cause me to start judging my behavior. Judging what I say, how I look, and ultimately how well received I am.
Maybe I tell a joke doesn’t land right, or someone isn’t bantering with me like I planned… and then it’s just confusion in my mind and I freeze up filtering out what to say to continue a conversation.
All of a sudden, I would end up silent and avoid talking. And it would feel immensely awkward for me… and I’m sure they could pick up on it too like, “what’s his deal?”
After way too many instances of this, I started to think, “what if I could just say anything on my mind at any moment so I didn’t have to freeze up when I’d like to keep talking?”
What if I’m just filtering my thoughts too much?
What if it’s not I don’t know what to say, but’s it’s I’m being too critical of what I can say in the moment?
After being fed up enough with freezing up, I became committed to practicing being less filtered, less judging of the ideas I did have, and share more freely the ideas of my mind.
I decided it was more important to just take a shot in a conversation instead of missing my window of opportunity over analyzing what to say.
So how do we accept and not filter so much of what we can say so we don’t ever have to freeze up because we’re afraid to share the ideas we’ve got of what to talk about? How do we become unstopped by worrying too much about whether we will come across as interesting or engaging for others? How can we speak more freely and feel comfortable just being ourselves?
First, we gotta become aware that it’s not that we don’t know what to say, it’s that we don’t say what we can say because our thoughts are always active. Being alive means we always think and have things to say.
Here are 5 steps to never freeze up again and be able to continue an engaging conversation. 1. Practice loose association. This is about practicing what you could be curious about with any random object you see. For example, if you look around and see a chair, what statements or questions out of curiosity could you make about a chair as a topic in a conversation?
The point is to practice sharing your thoughts about random topics because when you get into a conversation, you do the same thing to keep a conversation going. In conversations, people will share their ideas, and then you can make comments or ask questions about what they talk about.
For me, I’d like to know if a chair is comfortable because that is important to me. However, if I am studying at a desk, then I want a chair that has a straight and firm back to keep me in a more focused posture.
If you see a blanket, what could you be curious about if it was a topic in a conversation? (I picked chair and blanket because I spotted those when I looked around… it doesn’t matter what you pick. Just pick something and practice talking about it).
For me, I’d be curious if it is soft because I take my blankets very seriously! It is a crucial part of a good night’s sleep for me. I don’t care what it looks like so long as it is comfortable. But if it’s rough- no way! I will not let that be my sleeping experience unless there was no other way.
And those are just some initial thoughts about blankets. The important note is you will have your own thoughts of curiosity if you give yourself time to think about it.
Practicing loose association trains you to show yourself that you do have things you can talk aboutand don’t have to feel frozen, thinking you don’t know what to say.
- Practice listening! When people talk, visualize what they say. Visualize the key words that are the highlights of what they are talking about, and then loosely associate with them to come up with ideas of how you can add to what they say.
Listening is crucial if you ever want to be able to add relevant ideas to what others talk about. If we don’t practice listening, then, we may find it difficult to pay attention when others are talking. That leads to freezing up because we won’t know how to continue talking to someone we aren’t listening to.
You can practice visualizing what people say without being in a conversation. As you go about your day, pay attention to what people are talking about around you and practice identifying key words you can loosely associate with.
You can also play an audio or listen to a podcast to practice.
The point is, if you are listening, you will have natural ideas of how to keep a conversation going.
- Committing to not beating yourself up for getting a “non-perfect reaction.”
We freeze up when we psych ourselves out thinking people are not going to like anything we say.
However, if we avoid talking to avoid getting “bad reactions,” then we will never talk, denying all opportunities to connect with others.
Instead, we want to come to terms with the fact that we won’t always get good reactions from people and that is okay because we will just focus on what we can control- showing up powerfully as our authentic selves.
We will just adopt the mindset that we choose to speak up as ourselves even if others may not like itbecause that’s fully living. The alternative is cowardly- avoiding talking to avoid potential rejection.
So commit to giving yourself permission to get non-perfect reactions when you are being yourself, speaking freely in conversations.
- Elevate your energy level through a pump up ritual. Pump up to an energy level (you can play pump up music) above the energy you’d like to play at in a conversation. Jumping in cold to talk to people engaging at a higher level of energy will just freeze you because you aren’t in the mood to operate at their level.
This is the quickest way to boost your energy. The way it works is you find a place- it could be in the restroom, your bedroom, your car, any private room, or even in public if you choose (good embarrassment tolerance training), and you jump around and yell encouraging words such as – “I’ve got this! I can handle this! Bring it on!”
The point is to get hyped like football players when they run onto the field before a game starts.
Even just imagining yourself getting hyped in your mind already shifts your energy. If it isn’t convenient to get pumped up somewhere private, you can just visualize yourself jumping around and yelling.
The key to being engaging is to have slightly more energy than those you are talking to. Otherwise, they can feel a bit bored with you.
That’s a conversation hack right there.
So be cognizant of your energy level before you enter a conversation and pump it up if you need to.
- Practice not freezing up through gradual exposure with social interactions that stretch you to face fears and be more energetic.
Identify a confidence goal that is important to you such as becoming an engaging public speaker.
Then, identify different levels of fear and energy you have to play at to go from where you are currently to where you have to be to get your confidence goal.
Then, order them from least energetic and scary to face to most energetic to most scary.
An example of a level 1 fear may be giving friendly greetings to 25 strangers. By the time you accomplish that, you may feel completely comfortable greeting anyone with a decent amount of positive energy.
Boom. Level 1 accomplished.
Then you move on to the next level you identify. And you keep doing this until you become an engaging public speaker.
Build up gradually.
Awesome work today!
Apply this in your life and enjoy never freezing up again, always knowing what to say, and being engaging no matter who you talk to.
You’ve got this, you can handle this, your success is inevitable because you are doing the inner work.
Imagine your future if you don’t handle this now in your life and choose a different trajectory for your life. Choose to work on your fears and unleash your most confident self.
You are okay as you are no matter how others respond to you. You always have value to give others in conversations because you can bring positive energy and loosely associate to expound on what they say.
Until we speak again, you were born to be real, not to be perfect. So go out there and be who you are.
I’ll talk to you soon.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
Today, we are discussing How To Handle Criticism With Confidence. This is important because if we don’t develop our ability to handle criticism, we will buy into it and make it true, which gives our power away to people so that whatever their criticism of us is, we automatically believe it. So if they say you are weird, boring or awkward, you would just believe it and feel it’s anti-loving energy in your body.
Also, if people judge your passions, interests, or dreams to be weird or not right for you, then you would agree with them and give them up.
Even if we get angry and repudiate their criticism, we are angry because a part of is taking their criticism and criticizing ourselves with it.
One type of criticism I struggled to handle was getting feedback that I was being awkward, boring, or embarrassing. This could be directly said to me or shown in peoples’ facial expressions.
As soon as I perceived that people thought of me as awkward, boring, or embarrassing, I would make what I thought was their reality with me true. When instead, I could be holding on to the reality that I’m awesome and have a lot of value to give to people. But no, I couldn’t do that yet.
So basically, in order for me to like myself, people had to permanently show me they thought of me as interesting, engaging, and cool. If I receive any critique deviating from those conditions, then, I’m a loser.
This was especially true in my dating and relationships life. If I got the sense that she thought I was weird, then I would believe it for myself.
Another area I couldn’t handle criticism well was with body image. I struggled with people telling me I was skinny and looked weak because athleticism and strength training is a value of mine and I’m actually much stronger than is the average person with my more skinny body size.
People also tend to forget that size doesn’t necessarily mean strength, and someone skinnier can be stronger than someone bigger. And so I would respond with anger, and a part of me would just attach the meaning that because they criticize me for being skinny, I am not good enough.
Automatically buying into criticism kept me stuck in anxiety because I was afraid I’d get emotionally beat up eventually in a conversation from someone judging me to “not be good enough.”
And then out of desperation, I began to withstand criticism and hold onto the confident energy I wanted in myself. And by doing so, I learned how to hold my reality, so others couldn’t take it away with getting me to adopt the negative energy from their criticism.
Today, I enjoy freedom to hold the reality I want for myself no matter what others say about me or what I perceive their judgments of me to be. I choose to think of myself as awesome no matter what anyone says. Rather than only feeling good if no one criticizes me, I’m more certain of who I am than who people think I am.
So how can you do the same? How can you hold your reality so you can feel confident even if someone criticizes you? The key is to be more certain of who you are than who others think you are.
3 Techniques to help you hold onto your reality of who you are include:
- Defending yourself and disagreeing with them. This isn’t about being hostile and aggressive, it’s about owning your reality of who you are.
So if they say, “jeez you’re so weird around people,” you would respond with, “no way, I’m awesome. You’re the weird one (playfully). You can be humorous and turn their criticism of you on them. The important point is to not automatically believe it to be true and beat yourself up with it.
- Question the criticism with curiosity and seek understanding. This is about figuring out why they criticized you to help them see if maybe they are mistaken in their point of view.
If someones says you’re hyper or “too energetic” and need to calm down when you were having a good time chatting, then you could say, “Really? Why do you say that?”
Them: because no one else is as energetic as you right now.
You (following your curiosity): Okay, so you are saying I shouldn’t be the most energetic person? Is it bad to be the most energetic person?
Them: Well… no, not necessarily. It’s just you look weird being so.
You: oh, so it’s weird to be more energetic than others? What if I’m having a good time? Should I not allow that in myself to conform to everyone else’s lower energy?
Them: Well no… you’re right. I guess I would be afraid to be energetic and different because I might get judged.
You: oh, ha kinda like what you’re doing to me right now?
Them: Very funny…
Not all conversations of questioning them well be as smooth as the scenario I crafted above, and the point is to help them understand if they really believe their criticism of you or if there is and underlying fear.
- Accept a grain of truth in their criticism without making it mean you are a loser.
If someone overheard you stumbling on your words a few times when you were talking to someone you found attractive and calls you out for it, you could respond with,
“Ya, I did stumble on my words a few times, huh? I was nervous and took immediate action to go talk to her without pre-planning what I was going to say. Besides, people make mistakes all the time when they are nervous. I ain’t gonna let that stop me from talking to women.”
Did you pick on the energy there?
Did you notice how I was accepting of my mistakes without beating myself up or making it mean I should abort my mission to pursue her?
If I did beat myself up for messing up my words with her, then that would keep me in anxiety because I would be afraid of messing up again.
The point is to be okay with imperfection. And, you can always try again. All is not lost.
Your challenge is to apply this into your life. When you are in the face of criticism, apply your techniques of 1. Defend yourself, 2. Question them, 3. Accept some truth without turning on yourself.
You’ve got this, you can handle this, take a “bring-it-on” attitude when others judge you because you are more certain of who you are than the criticism they impose upon you.
You can hold your reality so others can’t take that away from you.
And your reality includes awesomeness, confidence, and a ton of value to give others.
You’re awesome!
Until we speak again, you were born to be real, not to be perfect. So go out there and be who you are.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
Do you want to feel more confident and loved? Do you want to know that people find you attractive and want to spend time with you? Do you want to feel like you are good enough? There’s actually a ton of love in the world for you, but if you don’t let it in, you don’t feel it.
It’s like drinking water with the thinnest straw when we don’t let love in. The water represents love and the straw represents how much we receive love.
You truly are deeply loved. You just have to let it in.
When I was in high school, I developed a disgust for hugs and touching.
I didn’t like people getting close to me.
This occurred after my dad passed away from colon cancer when I was 14.
There was a family- the Griffeths, who took me in to help me through my difficult times. And they were a huggy family. And that was so uncomfortable for me. Every night before bed, they had this ritual of hugging everyone, and I used to run away.
Turns out, they were showing me I was loved, but I wasn’t receiving it because I didn’t believe it for myself. So I avoided working through my inner self-hatred to let their love in.
My mission for you today is to help you receive love better so you can feel worthy in any social setting.
Solution (Apply These Steps): 1) Ask, if you wanted to feel loved, who’s love could you let in? Who likes you? You can include pets too. Which family members love you whether they express it well or not. Which friends love you?
Which colleagues at work appreciate you? Write down a list of all the names that come to mind. And let the love in. You are deeply loved.
2) Ask, what if you were already enough? If you were already enough, what would you do? How would you show up in your social, dating, and career life?
The truth is, you already are enough. You don’t need to change anything to be deserving of love. You are enough right now as you are. You are worthy no matter what.
So go and do all those things you would do if you knew you were already enough.
3) Create your Declaration of Unconditional Self-love. Write a paragraph or a short essay on your commitment to love yourself from this day forth no matter what.
“I, (insert your name), boldly declare that from this day forth, I love myself no matter what. I am on my own side no matter what. It’s okay to get rejected, to make mistakes, to feel sad, angry, stressed, or upset. I’m okay as I am. I don’t need to achieve anything to feel loved as I am right now. My body image is okay just the way it is. I am worthy of other peoples’ attention. I am awesome. I have a ton of value to offer people in conversations. I deeply love and respect you, (insert your name).
Sign and date it.
Then post it on your wall, or store it somewhere you will access frequently to review and further influence your psychology to transform into your Declaration of Unconditional Self-love.
By letting love into my life, I’m able to feel worthy no matter what. I’m comfortable with hugs, and get told I give great hugs.
When you increase your capacity to receive love, you will feel worthy and attractive no matter what.
Awesome work. Apply this in your life now.
Until we speak again, you were born to be real, not to be perfect. So go out there and be who you are.
I’ll talk to you soon.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
Do you feel fearful, hesitant, or unsure about saying what you really want to? Do you struggle to speak up powerfully, clearly and directly for your desires so people know your real self whether that’s in your social life, dating life, or career life? Back when I was held back from speaking up, I was at lunch one time with some friends and Brandon who was the leader of our crew because he was the most outspoken, boisterous, and charismatic, turned to me and said, “You know what, Josh? You don’t say much, but everyone needs someone like you as a friend.”
That really annoyed me because he was pointing out that I didn’t contribute much to conversations, and I was only really useful because I was quiet and always there to listen to him talk.
Yuck! That is not what I want to be known for!
I was also held back from speaking up in my dating life. I struggled to communicate clearly, powerfully, and directly my more intimate thoughts. As a consequence, I always eventually ended up becoming a really good friend to women I found attractive.
By not directly communicating I was into them, I never allowed a conversation about whether they might like me back. So stuck in the friend zone I was :(
Reflecting on my days of not speaking up for my desires, I’ve identified 2 obstacles that got in my way of speaking up boldly and being authentic with others.
1) Not knowing what I wanted, not self-aware.
I realized that a major reason for why I didn’t speak up in conversations was I didn’t know myself very well. I didn’t know what I wanted to talk about, I didn’t know what I found interesting in my life that I could share, and I didn’t know how I wanted to steer or add to a conversation.
In short, I didn’t really have an opinion on much. So I just floated around in conversations, being quiet, which probably made people who liked to hear themselves talk like me haha. And, of course, that’s not why we want to be liked because it’s not our most authentic and powerful selves!
2) Even if I did identify something I wanted to bring up, I was too hesitant to speak up because of a fear of what others might think of me. I was too scared and unwilling to face people judging me as weird or embarrassing. So, I ended up not saying much so I didn’t have to face the possibility of getting rejected. I played it safe. And that was super unfulfilling.
The Solution To Not Speaking Up For Yourself 1) Repeatedly ask what do I want? If I was being completely authentic right now, what would I say or do? What do I want to share?
By asking yourself these questions, you are giving yourself a chance to determine what you want to doin a conversation. You also form your own opinions based off your wants. For example, identifying you want to go to a certain Mexican restaurant because you think it’s the best in town. And when you share that, you get to show people that you know what you want and people can connect with you authentically.
2) Before conversations, play a different movie in your mind of how you want to show up in a social interaction that isn’t getting rejected and staying quiet and not speaking up. Anxious and shy people tend to play on repeat the movie of how they will get rejected, and that keeps them stuck in anxiety and they end up not speaking up.
Our thoughts dictate our feelings, and our feelings dictate our actions.
By imagining, visualizing, and playing on repeat the movie of how you will step up, be bold, and share what’s on your mind, you influence yourself to take that action. Overtime, this energy will grow so that it becomes your new way of interacting.
3) Work through the guilty, bad, selfish, wrong feelings of overly nice programming you may get when you speak up, take the spotlight for a moment, and say what you want.
You may experience a backlash of “it’s not okay to say what you want because it’s selfish and rude. You should be nice and let others talk and get what they want.”
This overly nice conditioning dates back to parenting, schools, and other organizations that ingrained this doctrine that we need to place so much emphasis on being nice and not be rude or show any sign of acting negatively. In short, they influenced us to disregard our negative feelings.
As a result, most of the time, we didn’t get good instructions on how to deal with negative feelings, so we learned overtime to ignore them, shut them out, and stuff them– all in the name of being nice.
Find those shameful, guilty, and otherwise uncomfortable feelings in your body and feel into them. If you send them love and lean into those feelings, they will get let go over time.
Another way to let those feelings go is to repeatedly speak up and face the guilty and shameful backlash until you no longer feel it.
By applying these 3 steps, you’ll gain a sense of power to boldly speak up for yourself in any social setting. You’ll feel confident that no matter who you are talking to, you can have fun and add value with many interesting and engaging things to talk about.
This will make you more decisive and opinionated.
And, you’ll get more of what you want for speaking up clearly, powerfully, and directly.
People will know you authentically, and consequently feel connected to you.
More people will want to hang out with you, you’ll get more dates, and bosses and supervisors will want to help you accelerate your career.
Best of all, you’ll feel good in conversations, knowing you are showing up as your real self and not holding back. This means you won’t feel resentment from not expressing enough of yourself.
Awesome work.
Until we speak again, you were born to be real, not to be perfect. So go out there and be who you are.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
Is a fear of rejection or failure holding you back from taking the action you want to in life? Is it holding you back from being authentic and connecting with others? Is it stopping you from making friends, getting to know someone you find attractive, or being more known and sharing more value in your career? Today I’ll be sharing the solution to the fear of rejection or failure so you can feel comfortable being who you are in any conversation talking to anyone, no matter how attractive or popular, and even if you get rejected or fail at something like messing up a joke or a sales presentation.
Imagine a friend who comes to you and shares vulnerably with you that he is scared about asking someone attractive out.
How would you encourage and comfort your friend?
If you told him to just ignore his fear, brush off the fear, and to just go for it, is he going to be miraculously cured of his anxiety?
Is he gonna go, “oh that’s how you get rid of fear- just stop feeling scared. Wow, thanks, your a life saver!”?
No! That’s just as effective as saying well stop feeling scared!
Don’t give that advice. It doesn’t work. That’s like saying all you have to do to not lose is not lose! Got it?
Oh that easy huh?
What this advice is missing is acknowledging the fear.
When we tell people to just suck it up and go do what they’re scared of, we aren’t helping them because they need more than that. They need help with how to overcome fear.
That’s what most people get wrong in advice. We mean well, but we just haven’t been trained very well in how to let fear go.
And unfortunately, that’s how we advise ourselves as well. “C’mon, just try harder! Just get over your fear!” and we can be more brutal to ourselves, even saying- “what’s wrong with you!? Why are you so scared? You’re a pathetic loser.”
So what’s the advice we need to give people who are scared?
Well it’s not so much advice as it is EMPATHY.
Empathy is the solution to fear of rejection or failure.
Now, imagine if instead of telling your friend to just ignore his fear, to suck it up and just go ask that attractive woman out with a pep talk where you try to pump him up without really even having a conversation about his fear, what if you empathized with him and said, “ya that can be terrifying!”
And then you shared about a time you were scared to do the same thing. And then you ask him more about what he is specifically afraid of. Is it getting a weird look from her if he asks her out? Is it hearing her say no?
Is it failing to tell a joke right and she doesn’t laugh or worse yet says he’s not funny?
Would this be a more effective approach?
Of course!
When people get empathy, they get the love and attention they are looking for and then begin to channel that same energy toward the part of themselves that is scared.
Empathy is love. When we give the quick advice to just go try again and just do better and be less scared this time, we are forgetting to love them in the way they need.
They are scared and need help accepting that part of themselves so they can comfort their fear.
Your Challenge Your challenge is to identify major situations in your social life, dating life, and career life where you are held back by a fear of rejection or failure. Maybe it’s a fear of telling a joke in a group of people, maybe it’s approaching an attractive person, maybe it’s giving a sales presentation.
Whatever it is, rather than will yourself to do better- to just get over your fears, give yourself empathy. Talk to yourself in the 3rd person like “Ya, Josh, I’m so sorry you feel terrified. That is scary. And I’m here for you and no matter what happens, I won’t leave you. I won’t stop supporting you. I’ve got your back no matter what. We will get through this. Tell me more about what you’re particularly afraid of?”
Empathy is the solution to fear.
Awesome work!
Until we speak again, you were born to be real, not to be perfect. So go out there and be who you are.
I’ll talk to you soon.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
Today, we are discussing letting go, how to heal. This is important because if we ever want to reach a place of peace and relaxation in our social life, dating life, career life, any area of life, then we need to actively let go of our anxieties, embarrassment, jealousy, anger, stress, fears of rejection and failure, etc. When we experience negative feelings but don’t let go and try to force them away, we become more and more self-implosive like a volcano that becomes more and more likely to erupt.
This is so because we can’t avoid feelings inside of us. You can’t run away from your psychology. You can’t run from yourself.
Our negative feelings are like a little child throwing a temper tantrum. In order to calm this little child down, we need to give him or her focus, love, and attention. We need to send out the positive energy that we are here and won’t go anywhere. And we will get through this. I’ve got you. It’s okay. You are strong.
If we ignore a little child in distress, whatever he is experiencing will only get worse. Because not only is he scared, but has been abandoned with no love. So he feels even more fear of a loss of love and cries out in pain harder and harder.
Likewise, when we ignore our negative feelings, we lash out harder and harder.
This does nobody any service. People will be negatively affected.
3 Toxic Consequences Of Avoiding Negative Feelings 1. Express Negative Feelings. Eventually, we won’t be able to hold our negative feelings back because they will come out through our behavior. And we will implode. Like if the printer isn’t working, we might lash out at it with a karate chop! This type of behavior is a quick way to end relationships, careers, and friendships.
2. Suppress/repress negative feelings. When we suppress negative feelings, we consciously fight our inner pains by trying to deny and ignore them. We then feel tense, stressed, and exhausted fighting something that won’t go away. It’s like never ending torture.
And the next layer of this is repression. This is when we stuff negative feelings down out of our awareness so much that we may actually create the delusion that we don’t even feel pain or negative feelings, but in reality, we do feel the pains. It’s just we are fighting the pains so hard, we really do believe we don’t even have them.
This is bad news because the pain is still inside of us, growing. Now, it is that much harder to accept that we are in pain so we can work on letting pain go. This affects us way more than suppression and we feel way more tense all the time.
3. Escape negative feelings. This is when we actively pursue activities that create a rush of other pleasure oriented feelings to dilute our negative feelings. But in the end, our negative feelings come back even stronger.
We can escape with drinking, smoking, sex, porn, drugs, binge-watching Netflix and binge-eating ice cream.
This just creates an entirely different beast of problems that includes making really poor decisions that can ruin relationships/marriages, physically hurting other people- potentially kill them, and becoming addicted.
Yikes! Really bad consequences of not letting go.
So how do we let go? If avoiding them certainly doesn’t work, then the only alternative is to face our negative feelings head on.
Feeling our feelings is the only way to let them go. There is no other way.
We must embrace, love, accept, and be present with negative feelings in order to heal them.
So how do we feel negative feelings?
How To Feel Negative Feelings You feel negative feelings by tracking down where they are in your body. A lot of our fears tends to dwell in our solar plexus (region right under the chest), and lower belly.
When we feel stressed and angry, our heads might become tight and our lower back may get a sting of pain.
Whatever your negative feelings are, they reside in your body and not out there with circumstances and outcomes. And we can become afraid of them. Therefore, all our fears are fears of feelings inside our bodies.
And the only way to let them go is through facing and feeling them.
So just feel. Just feel. Stay with your feelings. Breath in and out of them.
This provides the love and attention painful feelings need to relax. And meanwhile, you are increasing your capacity to love by loving your hurt feelings.
Your challenge is to identify any area in your social, dating/relationship, or career life that you are avoiding out of fear, and then to feel into them to let them go. Summon your fears to your mind. Imagine the scenario you are afraid of- whether it’s rejection by someone you find attractive, being made fun of for telling a bad joke, getting criticized by a bully, or a boss getting upset at you for asking for a promotion of raise.
Bring a fear that is holding you back into your awareness now and feel it. Love it. Stay with it.
With time, if you can love it without wishing it gone, the pain will crest and then decrease until you reach peace on the other side.
Then, you will be less held back so you can show up as your most powerful self- confident, relaxed, in control, motivated, fulfilled.
Others will love your energy and your positive impact in their lives.
Awesome work today.
Until we speak again, you were born to be real, not to be perfect. So go out there and be who you are.
I’ll talk to you soon.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
Are you held back by self-doubt in any area of your life that matters the most to you? Do you have desires that you have quit pursuing because you doubt it’s possible for you? Do you hold back when it comes to dating and personal relationships? Today is all about freeing yourself from the doubts that prevent you from getting what you want in life.
The biggest mistake people make when it comes to dealing with self-doubt is they start to argue with it and challenge it as though it holds validity.
Self: She is attractive. I’m going to talk to her.
Self-doubt: She is going to reject you.
Self: Why? You don’t know that.
Self-doubt: Yes I do.
Self: I’m an interesting person. She’ll like me.
Self-doubt: She’s WAY out of your league.
Self: No she’s not. I’m just as worthy of her attention here as any other guy.
Self-doubt: Oh is that what you think? You aren’t as good looking or make as much money as most of those other guys.
Self: Maybe I’ll just wait and see if she notices me…
And just like that, the champion title holder goes to… SELF-DOUBT. And so we stay held back by self-doubt.
This is because when we argue with self-doubt, we are consciously denying our subconscious decision that self-doubt is what we believe. This is hard for us to admit because self-doubt stems from fear such as from rejection, and that would mean admitting we are scared.
Rather than acknowledge our fear, we’d rather pretend the reason why we don’t take action is because “logically,” for example, we can conclude we will get rejected, so why bother? Or, there is no point in asking for a promotion because the boss will say no.
And all these are horrible predictions of the future self-doubt makes all to keep us safe from the possibility of rejection or failure. But really? How do we know we will get rejected or fail at something?
The truth is we don’t know, but self-doubt is so convincing in it’s argument because we have already subconsciously decided against an action to avoid fear of rejection or failure.
What we have to realize is that reasoning with the negative voices in our head does not work. Attempting to reason with your self-doubt will always fail because we subconsciously want it to win to avoid discomfort and fears.
Think about it. If self-doubt wins, we are allowed to remain in our comfort zone where we feel safe. We don’t push our limits or take risks. We don’t stretch ourselves and grow. We just settle and stagnate.
So if self-doubt is so powerful in arguments, how do we have a shot at eliminating it at all?
By not arguing with it at all!
How To Eliminate Self-Doubt To eliminate self-doubt, you must first see it for what it really is. It is a scared little child who wants to avoid scary feelings we can feel from rejection, disapproval, or failure.
Now, how do you comfort a scared little child? You embrace and stay present with the child.
So the way to calm self-doubt is to not get into a debate, but to love it. And the way to love self-doubt is to feel what it is afraid of. Lean into the fear and just stay present with it while being unconditionally loving.
Talk to self-doubt with soothing support, encouragement, and praise.
Self-doubt: Don’t go approach her. She’ll reject you.
Self: Oh hey, self-doubt. What’s going on? What are you afraid of? (The magic here lies in not trying to “prove” she won’t reject you and to start talking about the fear self-doubt is trying to avoid).
Self-doubt: I’m not scared, I just don’t want you to get rejected by her.
Self: Wow, thank-you for wanting to keep me safe. And, if I avoid her, then I’ll never know if we could have had a connection. Besides, we have to be willing to face rejection in order to create the romantic life we want or else, I stay on the sideline alone.
Self-doubt: Ya, I guess you’re right. I’m just really scared of rejection so I’m trying to get you to not approach her.
Self: Ya, it is scary isn’t it. And, if we practice approaching attractive women enough times, that fear will leave and we will feel peaceful and comfortable talking to an attractive woman instead.
Self-doubt: Okay, you’re right.
Self: No matter what happens, I’ve got your back and we will get through any outcome. You truly are awesome, and you are valuable and interesting no matter what she thinks.
Self-doubt: Thank you.
What did you notice in that dialogue above? How did the “Self” handle the situation when Self-doubt said not to approach the attractive woman because “you’ll get rejected?”
The Self handled the situation by not trying to prove a rejection won’t occur. Instead, it remained loving, curious, supportive, encouraging, and praising.
Another way to handle self-doubt when it arises is to find the fear you are trying to avoid and just jump into feeling it in your body so you can let it go.
When you feel your fears, you give them the love and attention they need to calm down and relax.
Awesome. Your challenge is to apply that in your life this week.
Until we speak again, you were born to be real, not to be perfect. So go out there and be who you are.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
Are you too nice that you tend to go out of your way to please people? Do you tend to do what others want, secretly resenting not doing what you want to do? Being too nice causes resentment, stress, body pain, and being in the friend zone with those we are attracted to.
Being less nice and more you means you get to enjoy life more, stay on point with your purpose, passions, and mission in life, and others will find you more interesting because you’ll have more personality.
Wasted My Time Being Too Nice Some time around senior year in college, I came home for some vacation and found myself playing games with some friends, but I was too nice to voice that I didn’t want to play with them. I actually wanted to go outside and play some basketball.
I was afraid of offending them and so I just stayed put and secretly became resentful of the situation. As a result, I stayed stuck in a situation that wasn’t serving me, and I wasted time I could have spent contributing toward something more fulfilling.
How to Be Less Nice and More You 1. Smile less when doing it to please people. This behavior makes you needy. Notice when you have something you’d rather do, but are too scared to voice it because others might get offended. Then, take charge of your life and do what is better for you in the moment.
It’s good to be nice, but it’s not nice to not be on your own side too. If you need to take care of yourself by disagreeing with someone or saying, “no” to something, even if others choose to get offended by it, you will feel better for it. And others will actually admire you for knowing what you want.
- Live your purpose. When you know what you want and actively go after it, you feel alive, fulfilled, and confident. People will orbit around you because they love how certain you are of what you want in life. They’ll love your grounded energy and want to be more like you.
To live your purpose, you first have to figure out what you want in life.
What do you want? Who do you want to help? What problems do they have that you have the solution for? What results do they get with your help?
Find what you are here on planet Earth to accomplish and honor it. By doing so, you become your most powerful and authentic self. And others will find you immensely magnetic.
Your Challenge 1. Smile less. Notice when you are smiling just to be really nice and make sure everyone likes and approves of you. Catch when you are in people pleasing mode. Then, own your desires.
It’s okay to want things. If you’d rather do something else, say, “no.” People actually are drawn to someone who is certain in what he wants because it shows a person who is in motion and has a direction.
- Live your purpose. Find out how you want to contribute to the world that fulfills you and then put that dream into a plan. Then go after it daily!
Others will see you as valuable because you have the ability to go after what you want.
Until we speak again, you were born to be real, not to be perfect. So go out there and be who you are.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
Do you struggle to hold eye contact with someone attractive walking passed you? What about with someone you find popular or maybe intimidating or otherwise just powerful? When we master eye contact, we are able to become more engaging and interesting in conversations since eye contact is essential to gain peoples’ attention. Furthermore, people will love your confident and relaxed gaze.
Today, I’ll be sharing 3 majorly powerful shifts you can apply today to start feeling way more relaxed and confident holding eye contact with people- no matter how attractive or popular.
How to Instantly Improve Your Eye Contact 1. Practice looking in the mirror at your eyes. If we don’t like how we look due to thinking we’re unattractive, not liking certain emotions our facial expression shows like sadness or anxiety, or maybe we just think we look awkward, then we won’t want to hold eye contact with others to hide the way we look.
By letting all negative self-critical thoughts come up while looking in the mirror at our eyes, those toxic thoughts will start to go away. By practicing looking at yourself in the mirror, you’ll start to love and accept how you look, which will translate over into being comfortable having others look at you in the eyes.
- Practice looking people in the eyes. Start with holding eye contact for 10 seconds, and then gradually do it longer. This doesn’t mean you are glued to their eyes every second, it just means you look away when it feels natural to, and then you come back to holding eye contact when it makes sense to.
The only way out of fear is through the fear. By exposing yourself to the discomfort of holding eye contact, you will start to break out of your fear of eye contact into establishing a relaxed, comfortable, confident gaze that people love.
- Gain Eye Contact Perspective. So, what’s true- do people like or loathe people looking them in the eyes? To answer this, let’s first ask this. Do you like it when people aren’t looking at you when you are talking? What if you were expressing something you were interested in and the person you were talking to was looking away from you? How would that feel?
It wouldn’t feel good. We love it when people give us focus, attention, and their curiosity.
People actually do love eye contact. It makes them feel loved.
So you don’t have to worry about people not liking your eye contact as long you aren’t doing something blatantly weird like staring at them with big open eyes and making a weird face or something.
Just look at people with a warm, nice, comfortable glance, and people will love it.
Results of Mastering Eye Contact –> People will love the focus, attention, and curiosity you give them.
–> People will want to keep talking with you because you make them feel important and comfortable.
–> People will find you more engaging and interesting because of how confident you look.
Awesome! Apply that in your life this week.
Until we speak again, you were born to be real, not to be perfect. So go out there and be who you are.
I’ll talk to you soon.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
Do you ever see someone attractive and immediately feel like it’s all or nothing – “if I don’t get into a relationship with that person, then it’s all over! I have to be with that person!” And then, does it feel like you put yourself out there too much to try to impress him or her to the point that it probably repels that person from liking you? When we come from a place of needing someone, we become repelling to the people we find attractive because they’ll see us as taking more value than we give. By needing someone, we show that we want to take value. What we want to do instead is be okay as we are no matter the outcome and constantly give value to those we find attractive.
So how do we appear and feel more confident and less needy? I’m not talking about apply pick-up artist techniques of faking confidence to improve attraction. I’m talking about truly feeling confident and completely okay with yourself even if the person you like doesn’t like you back.
The over-arching approach to being more confident and less needy is to have the mindset that you would prefer to be with that attractive person, but you don’t need to. You want, but don’t need.
3 ways to appear more confident, less needy 1. Live your purpose. Find what you love to do in life that brings you immense fulfillment and become grounded to it. In this state, no matter the outcomes you get in life, no matter if the person you find attractive doesn’t like you, you are motivated and excited by the mere fact that you are living your purpose. This makes you less needy in your interactions with those you find attractive, more interesting, and more laid back.
-
Plant seeds. If a gardener only planted one seed in his garden, then what would happen if that seed didn’t sprout? He’d never cultivate a garden! Likewise, if we only ever go after one person we find attractive, then our success in getting into a relationship all rests on whether or not that one person likes us back. Instead of doing this, we want to plant seeds from environment to environment, meaning look for opportunities to connect with people we find attractive everywhere we go. That way, if it doesn’t work out with one person, we are okay because our “garden” still has potential to grow. We still have other attractive people that we can potentially get into a relationship with.
-
Be more direct. Don’t hesitate. When you see an attractive person, don’t hover and follow that person without ever engaging. It reinforces anxious energy that you absolutely need that person to like you or you are not okay. Furthermore, if the person you find attractive picks up that you seem to want to talk to him or her but are too anxious too, they’ll see you as a bit needy and less giving of valuesince you haven’t even talked to that person yet, but you stare!
Instead, be direct when you see someone attractive. Give yourself the 3-second rule, which means you have 3 seconds from the moment you see someone attractive to engage with that person.
By being direct in engaging with those we find attractive, we appear more confident with more value to give, and less needy because we emit grounded energy that we are certain of ourselves and can handle whatever happens.
When we feel more confident and less needy, we become more magnetic and uninhibited by outcomes in life because we know we are awesome no matter what happens.
Apply these tips into your life this week!
Until we speak again, you were born to be real, not to be perfect. So go out there and be who you are.
I’ll talk to you soon.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
How scary or uncomfortable would it be to go start a conversation with a stranger? For most people, starting conversations with strangers, especially with someone they find attractive is pretty anxiety provoking. That’s why so many of us tend to avoid doing it.
And what if there was a person close enough to hear your conversation with a stranger? That would turn up the anxiety dial because they might judge how you interact.
And what if there was a group of people who could hear your conversation with a stranger? That would be even scarier! More people could judge you.
What if you are single and looking to go on dates and get into a relationship, or make more friends while stuck worrying about what others think of you?
That would impede your ability to date and make friends.
So what do we do? How can we overcome our fear of what others might think of us so we can just jump at opportunities to talk to someone attractive and make friends?
Introducing, “If…then…” Statements. The way “if…then…” statements work is you start with asking what would happen if what you find scaryhappened?
It goes like this.
“If someone overhears my conversation with an attractive woman, then what?”
They might find my flirting extremely awkward. They might also hear me stumble on my words, or see that I am nervous.”
And you repeat this chain, picking up where you left off, until you run out of ideas to keep the “if..then statements” going.
Continuing:
If they find my flirting extremely awkward, hear me stumble on my words, and see that I am nervous, then what?
I’ll feel really embarrassed. I’ll feel pathetic.
If I feel embarrassed and pathetic, then what?
I’ll feel really uncomfortable and not want to get into that situation again.
If I feel really uncomfortable and like not ever getting into that situation again, then what?
I’ll just feel really horrible. Like I’m worthless.
If I feel really horrible and worthless, then what?
I’ll just feel bad…
As you could tell, eventually everything leads back to feeling discomfort. Feeling horrible.
And this brings up the fact that all our fears are fears of feelings. Our fears are NOT contained with people or occurrences we fear.
Fears dwell inside each of us as energy. This means we cause that energy.
And if we cause fear, then we can let fear go as well.
By applying “if…then…” statements, we do exactly that. We let those fears go because we are facing those fears when we imagine what would happen if we encountered our fears like if someone judged us.
Great work. Play with that this week!
Until we speak again, you were born to be real, not to be perfect. So go out there and be who you are.
I’ll talk to you soon.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.
Have you seen people who are totally relaxed and comfortable walking up to people they don’t know and starting a conversation with them? Have you ever wondered how they do that? Today, I’ll be sharing a powerful conversation secret that you can apply immediately to drastically improve your ability to talk to anyone, even people you don’t know.
Having conversations is actually easier than many of us think. We don’t need “magic phrases” or get advice from “pick-up” artists who tell you to say things to manipulate people into liking you.
Nope. That’s unnatural, flawed, and people can pick up on it when you are saying things just to look good or buy their interest.
Instead, the most powerful way to have conversations is always to be the real you. To talk from your natural energy and curiosity.
And, before we can get to a relaxed, engaging, and fun conversation with someone after greeting someone, we need a bridge.
Otherwise, we’ll fumble for words and enter that awkward silence. Or, without a bridge, we can go too deep into a conversation too quicky like if after saying, “hey, how’s it going?” you say, “what are you doing tonight?” (most of the time, people aren’t going to feel comfortable sharing that information without a bridge).
So what is the bridge?
The Bridge The bridge is something you say to bring you from a greeting to a relaxed, fun, and engaging conversation.
The easiest way to create a bridge is to comment on the shared environment.
If you see an attractive stranger walking down the street. You can go up to her and say, “hey, how’s it going?”
And then, what do you say? What do you say next to avoid entering “awkward city” where you fumble for words, and then eventually just “mission abort” out of there.
You comment on the first thing you are drawn to in the shared environment. So let’s say she has a sweet jacket on. You could comment on the jacket by saying, “that’s a sweet jacket. Looks really nice. I like the design.”
Boom! There’s a bridge from saying, “how’s it going?” to inviting her to share a relaxed conversation with you.
You might now be wondering what to say next. How do we keep that conversation going? How do we never run out of things to say?
It’s easier than you might think.
And before we get to that, let’s make sure we know how to nail down greeting a stranger.
The best way to greet anyone is from a place of familiarity, meaning, you greet them as you would greet a friend or someone you know really well.
What we don’t want to do is be overly formal like “Hello there, how do you do, ma’am”
To get to a relaxed conversation, we need to bridge the gap from strangers to friends.
So now that we’ve nailed the greeting and the bridge, how do we keep the conversation going so we never run out of things to talk about?
Use Key Words Everything you need to know about what to say next is contained in what the person just said.
And you choose either to respond with a statement or a question.
For example, you’re on a street and you see an attractive woman.
You: Hey, how’s it going? (warm, friendly, casual, familiar greeting)
Stranger (attractive woman): good.
You: That’s a really sweet jacket you’ve got. I love the design and patterns on it.
Stranger: Thank you. I just got it yesterday. It’s super comfy.
PAUSE!
What are the key words in what she just said back to you? 1) Just got it yesterday and 2) super comfy.
From here, you pick which topic you are most drawn to. For me, I would go with the super comfy option.
And then, you make a statement or a question about that topic.
You: Ya, it looks super comfy. Do you know what material it’s made of?
And she may or may not know the answer or even give you a very long reply. And the point is to be able to keep it going by commenting on key words from what she does give you.
If she doesn’t say much, then, that’s ok. Not everyone is meant to always want to keep a conversation going. There could be something going on with her in her personal life, preventing her from wanting to be social.
The point is that you are able to create bridges and invite people to keep talking by expounding on key words you find most interesting.
Your Challenge As you go forth this week, take opportunities to
-
Greet warmly with familiarity
-
Bridge closer to a relaxed, fun shared social experience by commenting on something in the shared environment
-
Keep the conversation going by listening to key words and commenting on the ones you find most interesting to expound on
Until we speak again, you were born to be real, not to be perfect. So go out there and be who you are.
I’ll talk to you soon.
To maximize confidence in every area of your life at rocket speed, get your (FREE) ebook, "5 Steps To Break The Anxiety Barrier" here.