Purely Nostalgia: Recent Episodes
Clint Page and Eli Smith
Clint Page and Eli Smith try to figure out whether or not the movies they liked as kids were actually good.
A sudden and tragic loss brings us back for a somber bonus episode to discuss Space Jam: A New Legacy.
In this one, Lebron James.
Long ago, two boys bravely decided to start a podcast about Spy Kids. The idea eventually morphed into the idea you now know as Purely Nostalgia. Three years later for their series finale, rather than talk about one of the many movies they intended to get to but never did, they decided to just watch Spy Kids again.
In this one, we’re done.
Make sure to follow us to keep up with our future endeavors!
Twitter: @elishapsmith and @ClintJHPage
TikTok: @misterwallet and @theclontman
YouTube: Dad’s Lunch Money
What have the Kung Fu Panda movies been missing this whole time? Pandas. I mean, there’s the one panda, sure. But what if there was a whole bunch of them? Kung Fu Panda 3 fixes this problem.
In this one, we tie up some loose ends.
We’ve established that pandas can do Kung Fu, but can they achieve inner peace? That’s the big question that Kung Fu Panda 2 is concerned with. Also, did you know that gun powder was invented by peacocks?
In this one, we make a pretty big announcement (make sure and listen to the end).
Is it Bear Month once again? Nope! There’s only one bear that we care about for these next three episodes, and his name is Po. Our good pal Josh Alexander once again joins us to kick off our journey through the Kung Fu Panda trilogy and to help us answer some important questions such as: who is better, Master Oogway or Master Yoda? What is Jack Black’s best performance? And should Clint watch Naruto?
In this one, a Kung Fu does Panda.
You’re a wizard, Harry (Osborne)! The streaming wars have once again reignited, but we have taken cover in a nearby Hulu Hole to bring you a passionate discussion about Sam Raimi’s 2013 film Oz the Great and Powerful.
In this one, Clint had to rotate his iPad.
In the series finale of podcast maxiseries Live and Let Cry, Cody Lunsford of Best Pictures makes one last attempt to make Eli Smith of Purely Nostalgia cry. Desperate times call for desperate measures, so Cody has employed his secret weapon: anime.
Will Studio Ghibli's bleak war drama Grave of the Fireflies finally squeeze a tear out of old Dry Eyes? Is it a bummer when children die? And most importantly, what have we learned from this experiment? We'll answer all these questions in this final episode of Live and Let Cry.
We regret to inform you that we have returned to Oz. And folks, things aren’t lookin’ great there! But the good new is, they have TikTok now.
In this one, Gump.
For the first time ever, Purely Nostalgia is brought to you in beautiful technicolor! We’re here to talk about the second movie ever made (the first one was that train movie), The Wizard of Oz! In this one, we are scared of tornadoes.
In this eighth episode of podcast maxiseries Live and Let Cry, Cody Lunsford of Best Pictures has not given up trying to make Eli Smith of Purely Nostalgia cry. Cody's Best Pictures co-host Chad Oliver joins to talk about his choice, the 1979 divorce drama Kramer vs. Kramer. How similar is this movie to Marriage Story? What's up with that french toast scene? Does Doctor Doom have a twitter account? All these questions and more will be answered in this episode of Live and Let Cry! Episodes of Live and Let Cry will release on both Purely Nostalgia and Best Pictures monthly!
You may have heard the news that Sharkboy and Lavagirl have a child. And you, like us, may have been concerned if you saw in the tabloids that both Sharkboy and Lavagirl have maintained ownership of their separate homes in the ocean and a volcano, respectively. Please rest assured: Sharkboy and Lavagirl are still married to each other and did NOT have a child out of wedlock. This episode is about We Can Be Heroes. In this one, they can be heroes.
It’s the second annual Nostalgia Awards! As we move beyond the bad year 2020 into the good and perfect year 2021, we take a look back at the films we covered on the show in the past twelve months. In this one, we are not cowards like the Academy.
In this seventh episode of podcast maxiseries Live and Let Cry, Cody Lunsford of Best Pictures tries to make Eli Smith of Purely Nostalgia cry once again…. Christmas style. This month they watched the 2015 romantic drama Carol! Is this a stealth remake of The Fox and the Hound? Is Eli destined to become a Mall Santa? And more importantly, will the sentimentality of the Christmas season finally make him cry? Tune in to find out! Episodes of Live and Let Cry will premiere on both Purely Nostalgia and Best Pictures monthly!
Early episode alert! We decided to drop this one on Shrimpmas Eve so that you don’t have to listen to a podcast about A Charlie Brown Shrimpmas on December 30th. You’re welcome! In this one, Merry Shrimpmas!
Kevin McCallister who? It’s all about Alex Pruitt now, baby! In this episode we’re discussing the famed prequel to Max Keeble’s Big Move, Home Alone 3. And unfortunately, Krystal is involved. In this one, 2020 is the year of Raja Gosnell.
As #BearMonth2020 comes to a close, we are talking about the 2002 film The Country Bears, which is based on an animatronic stage show at Disney World. Out of all the movies we covered during #BearMonth2020, this one has the most bears in it. If that matters to you. In this one, Clint is Clonging.
In this sixth episode of podcast maxiseries Live and Let Cry, Cody Lunsford of Best Pictures tries to make tears roll down Eli Smith’s cheeks once again. This time, the movie was picked by Purely Nostalgia co-host Clint Page, who went with the animated Disney animated classic The Fox and the Hound. Is this movie more similar to The Prince of Egypt or Brokeback Mountain? Do kids care about bugs? What DOES the fox say? Tune in to hear the answers to these important questions! Episodes of Live and Let Cry will premiere on both Purely Nostalgia and Best Pictures monthly!
For the second installment of #BearMonth2020, we are talking about a movie that dares to ask the question: what if a bear had a brother? It’s Brother Bear, the movie where the Joker is a bear. In this one, it’s Pre-Punch Rick.
In the first episode of #BearMonth2020, we're talking about the nicest bear of them all: Paddington. Be nice like Paddington. In this one, it's a fur cop!
In this fifth episode of podcast maxiseries Live and Let Cry, Cody Lunsford of Best Pictures tries to make Eli Smith cry by watching the 2006 film The Pursuit of Happyness. Is a movie that is ostensibly about happiness a good choice for a podcast about crying? Does Will Smith have any great movies? What's the deal with Rubik's Cubes? For answers to all of these important questions, hit that play button! Episodes of Live and Let Cry will premiere on both Purely Nostalgia and Best Pictures monthly!
Finally, we're talking about Scoob! And by Scoob, we mean Soob(y-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed). Did the second live action Scooby-Doo movie invent cancel culture? Tune in to find out! In this one, we pay our respects to Tall Betsy, the official goblin of Cleveland, Tennessee.
In celebration of #Nostalgiaween2020 we watched our favorite Reformation Day flick: the 2002 live action adaptation of Scooby-Doo. Read that last sentence again. Does it say “Scoob”? No, it says Scooby-Doo. In this one, farts are scary.
In this fourth episode of podcast maxiseries Live and Let Cry, Cody Lunsford of Best Pictures tries to make Eli Smith cry once again. But this time, the movie was picked by Best Pictures co-host Mark Watlington, who went with the 2016 sci-fi drama Arrival. Is this movie depressing or hopeful? Mark and Cody think it’s the latter, but Eli’s not so sure. Tune in to find out if they can convince him, and to hear about Mark’s confusing crying tendencies. Episodes of Live and Let Cry will premiere on both Purely Nostalgia and Best Pictures monthly!
The 1997 remake of the classic Disney film The Absent-Minded Professor is called Flubber, but should it be called Weebo instead? Maybe! You decide! In this one, Clint learns about fruit!
Good news! They did another Left Behind movie! Actually, they did a couple more. But we’re skipping over the sequels to the 2000 version and instead talking about the 2014 remake of Left Behind, starring Nicolas Cage as beloved non-Christian airline pilot Rayford Steele. And Chad Michael Murray? That’s our Buck. In this one, less therapy, more Sully.
In this third episode of podcast maxiseries Live and Let Cry, Cody Lunsford of Best Pictures tries to make Eli Smith cry by making him watch Ratatouille, a film they both love dearly. What does Remy the rat have in common with Naruto? Is Ratatouille anime? And who is the REAL Disney Rat: Remy or Mickey? Tune in to find out! Episodes of Live and Let Cry will premiere on both Purely Nostalgia and Best Pictures monthly!
Welcome to Purely Nostalgia, the podcast where we look at the movies that we were forced to watch as kids with our adult eyes, and we try to figure out if they were actually traumatizing, or if we just thought they were. Listen, if you'd rather just delete this one and listen to the Bee Movie episode again, we won't be offended. But if you want to hear us vent about evangelical rapture anxiety, this one might just hit the spot. In this one, we go to therapy!
Pretty much all you need to know about this movie is in the title. It’s bees! In this one, it’s #AnimorphsMonth2020 AND #TaffyMonth2020!
In this second episode of podcast maxiseries Live and Let Cry, Cody Lunsford of Best Pictures tries to make Eli Smith cry by making him watch the 2020 live recording of the hit broadway musical Hamilton on Disney+. They discuss whether or not it should be okay for Jonathan Groff to drool all over his chin, and whether or not that makes them cry. Episodes of Live and Let Cry will premiere on both Purely Nostalgia and Best Pictures monthly!
As #SharkMonth2020 draws to a close, we are joined by our good friend Josh Alexander to discuss the 2004 DrewamWorks film Shark Tale. We would be remiss if we spent an entire month talking about shark cinema without acknowledging the important subgenre of organized shark crime cinema. And yes, it is cinema, because Martin Scorsese is in it. As a pufferfish. In this one, we regret to inform you that Clint seems to be permanently out of the bathtub.
As our gift to you during this #SharkMonth2020, here is a bonus commentary episode about The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl. We covered this movie in one of the earliest episodes of our show, but we feel like we've gotten better at podcasting since then so we figured this was a great opportunity to take another crack at it. Is this better than our original Sharkboy and Lavagirl episode? You decide! (It's probably not.) In this one, Clint is not in the bathtub :(
For the second installment of #SharkMonth2020, we're discussing Pixar's classic 2003 film The Neo. There are at least three sharks in it. In this one, Clint is still taking a bath.
We're kicking off #SharkMonth2020 with an episode about Jaws! Jaws is a very big shark that they made a movie about. And yes, the shark is named Jaws. That's not just the name of the movie. We asked Jaws if his name is Jaws and he said yes. In this one, Clint takes a bath.
On the premiere episode of podcast maxiseries Live and Let Die, Cody Lunsford, (co-host of Best Pictures) tries to make Eli Smith (co-host of Purely Nostalgia) cry by watching 2004's The Notebook. They dive into what normally makes them cry and whether Ryan Gosling's beard was tear-worthy. Subscribe to Purely Nostalgia and Best Pictures! Episodes of Live and Let Cry will premiere on both shows monthly!
What if there was a movie that had aliens from outer space, but also lots of scenes of characters just hanging out at the beach? And what if that movie also had several Elvis songs in it? Now, imagine for a moment that this movie also contains a character named Captain Gantu who is a 20-foot-tall shark man from space? And if you can bear with me for just a moment longer, can you entertain the possibility that this film also has a character named Cobra Bubbles who is played by Ving Rhames? If the prospect of this movie sounds tantalizing to you, my friend, it is my honor to introduce you to a movie called Lilo & Stitch. Also there is a movie called Artemis Fowl and it sucks. In this one, Clint uses Josh Gad's intestines to avoid paying taxes on hay-purchases.
The Looney Tunes are back in (live) action! They have to find a monkey! But the monkey is not a monkey, it’s a diamond! And Brendan Fraser is there! Cool! In this one, Eli saw a duck!
Although we have often been called the Michael Jordans of the podcast industry, even the most capable heroes have to ask for help sometimes. We’re talking about 2002’s Like Mike this week, but we don’t know a whole lot about basketball OR child labor laws. Since both of those subjects are relevant to this film, we called on our friend Scott Harvey (@Scarveydent) of Some Like it Scott, and he graciously joined us to talk about one of his favorite childhood movies. In this one, we are tied together and flung into the air by Baby Jesse Plemons.
Have you ever jammed in space? Michael Jordan has! If you’d like to learn about the movie we’re talking about on this episode, visit www.spacejam.com. If you get lost, visit the site map! https://spacejam.com/cmp/sitemap.html In this one, we spend a lot of time talking about cow bones!
The bad news is, we watched The Master of Disguise. The good news is, at least there are fart jokes in it! Well, really just one fart joke that’s done five times. In this one, just one 1 crap.
As a special bonus episode for absolutely no reason at all, we recorded our first ever commentary track! Feel free to watch along with Shrek the Musical (it's on Netflix as of this episode's release), or just listen. Who are we kidding? If you're watching Shrek The Musical, you should probably actually listen to the songs. Just listen to this track on its own! Or... do what you want! See if we care! In this one, they did a musical about Shrek!
We are living in unprecedented times. The Rugrats... have Gone Wild. We want to be there for you in any way possible as you figure out how to navigate the new social landscape caused by these babies going wild. We'll get through this together, and come out stronger on the other side. In this one, we move into our brand new podcasting house.
Well, the babies have already been to the woods, so where’s the next logical place for them to go in their sequel film? Paris! We’re talking French cinema with Rugrats in Paris: The Movie, and there are kaiju battles! In this one, we honor John Lithgow.
In their first big screen adventure, the babies are lost in the woods being attacked by monkeys and wolves. Hopefully they don’t die! It’s The Rugrats Movie! ¯_(ツ)_/¯ In this one, there’s pee!
Chad Oliver (@Chadaoliver) of the Best Pictures podcast joins us to talk about the Sonic the Hedgehog movie! Apparently Sonic is lonely because he's from a different planet and his mom is an owl! I don't know! In this one, Clint learns that his life is even more intertwined with that of Bernie the Dolphin than he previously realized.
Did dinosaurs actually have feathers? Is a giraffe a dinosaur? How about an elephant? In this episode we will answer all of these questions and more as we talk about one of Clint's favorite movies of all time, Jurassic Park. We are basically scientists! In this one, dinosaurs don't real.
There was an animated movie called Delgo in 2008 and we watched it for some reason. If you haven't seen Delgo, don't worry! You can still listen to this episode, because we watched it right before recording this and could still barely remember the plot! Also, we were worried we wouldn't have a lot of intelligent thoughts about this movie, so we accidentally spent an unholy amount of time reading Delgo fan fiction on mic. Oops! In this one, we remember Dawn Oaks.
It’s the first annual Nostalgie Awards! As a new year begins, we are taking a look back at all of the films we covered on our show in 2019 and handing out various awards through a very unorganized process. There are surprises, snubs, drama, laughs, but there is no host to be found! In this one, Clint doesn't know what a leap year is.
Whether you identify with Buddy the Elf on a spiritual level or whether you think he is a silly boy who needs to grow up, you have to admit: Elf has earned the title of "Christmas Classic" based on the number of times it plays on cable networks each December alone. The holiday season is a perfect time for important film discourse, and there is only one podcast that's brave enough to ask whether or not Elf is better than the 2016 film Arrival. In this one, we managed to fit a whole Christmas With the Kranks episode right at the beginning!
One year after covering the first Home Alone film, we’re finally talking Home Alone 2, and for some reason Clint thinks this movie is flawless! One thing’s for sure: the pizza is thinner in the sequel. In this one, we bask in the warmth of Christmas commercialism.
Would you do it? Hm? What would you do...hm? What would any of you be willing to do, hm? Would you sail to the ends of the earth and beyond, to fetch back witty boys, and them precious podcast? To finish out our Gore Verbinski Pirates of the Caribbean series by talking about Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. In this one, we are sick.
We love and respect the octopus man Davy Jones and are honored to discuss him and his large octopus pet on our podcast. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest is a movie that has some good parts, some bad parts, and some very cool sea critter monster guys. In this one, Bean and Chip.
It's late October and you know what that means... it's time for our Spooktacular Halloween Special - NAUTICAL EDITION! What's so spooky about a pirate movie, you ask? Oh, did we mention that these pirates are SOMETIMES SKELETONS?? Also, we talk a little bit about The Addams Family (2019), which is a movie that's bold enough to ask the question: what if The Addams Family was animated? In this one, we are bubbling with swag.
We've made a commitment on this show to always keep it 100% real with you guys. That's why it's our duty to warn you that the episode you're about to listen to contains some big fat lies. We do not endorse or condone any lies uttered by Frankie Muniz, Paul Giamatti, or Amanda Bynes in the movie Big Fat Liar. Y'all know we out here keepin' it real every day, even when it means casting our friends at Krystal in a less than favorable light. It's for their own good. In this one, they turn a man blue.
We're wrapping up our series on the Boy Story films with an episode about Toy Story 3, the one where they go to daycare! Come for the discussion about Michael Keaton's voice acting performance, stay for the untenable conjectures about Andy's college major based solely on his haircut! In this one, the Streaming Wars have taken a toll on us.
In Denis Villenueve’s 2016 film Arrival, Amy Adams plays a linguist who is working with the military to communicate with alien lifeforms after twelve mysterious spacecraft appear around the world. But this episode is about Boy Story 2, which is better than Arrival. In this one, Clint thinks Woody is worth $1,000,000.
What do you do when your cutting edge computer animation technology makes all your characters look like plastic dolls? You make a movie about plastic dolls! We're talking about the Boy Story movie that started it all! In this one, Mickey Mouse comes home.
Because of the delayed release of Sonic the Hedgehog, we had an open spot to fill on our 2019 schedule, so now you guys get a Dora episode. If you would like to let Paramount know how the decision to delay Sonic's release affected you personally, you can reach out to them by tweeting them at @ParamountPics. We recommend using the following verbiage in your complaint: "@ParamountPics Because y'all messed up Sonic so bad, @PurelyNostalgia just did an episode about your Dora movie. In the future please get Sonic right the first time so @ClintJHPage and @elishapsmith don't have to go see the Dora movie opening weekend." In this one, it’s the Year of the Yeti.
Much like the slimy but satisfying worms devoured by our furry friends in the subject matter of this episode, this is a juicy one, folks! Cody Lunsford of the Best Pictures podcast joins us again to discuss Jon Favreau's photorealistic remake of The Lion King, and we also look ahead to what else Disney's got cooking in the live action remake kitchen. And of course there is a fair amount of discussion about the latest movie trailer that Tom Hooper has shoved into our eyeballs no matter how much we protested. In this one, Cat!
There is absolutely no significance to the fact that we decided to include the year of release in the title of this episode. As far as we know there is, and likely will always be, only one movie called The Lion King. It came out in the year 1994 and is an anime(tion). Any questions? In this one, Jeff Bridges returns to take his place as king of the jungle.
As we reach the midpoint of 2019, we are drowning in a sea of nostalgia-heavy new releases. So we decided to go ahead and skip the first three Boy Story movies to talk about the fourth installment in the series (Boy Story Fork) while it is still relevant. We apologize for the error in the title of this episode. For some reason, autocorrect keeps changing "Boy Story Fork" to "Toy Story 4". In this one, Clint does a cartwheel.
They said it couldn't be done, but we did it: we covered two movies in a single podcast episode. As it turns out, it's actually not that difficult of a thing to do when one of the movies is just a live action remake of the other one. We are talking about Aladdin, and more importantly, the big blue man that he meets in a cave. In this one, we try to figure out why golf enthusiasts don't like our podcast.
You guessed it; we're talking pocket monsters again. But in this movie, the Pokémon are flat instead of bulgy! And in case you were wondering which Pokémon movie came first… check the title, bub! In this one, Clint once again compares a Pokémon movie to a Jordan Peele film (just as he did in the last episode).
In what is almost certainly the most ambitious crossover event of the decade, Cody Lunsford (@codylunsford_) and Mark Watlington (@WatlingtonMark) of the Best Pictures podcast (@WePickPics) join us to talk about the realistically-textured electric yellow mouse who solves crimes. That's right boys and girls. It's Detective Pikachu time. In this one, we are ALL water types. bestpicturespod.podbean.com Outro Music by Chad Oliver: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-PJ0lZSpbvM
Can you imagine a world where Shrek does not exist? That is the premise of Shrek Forever After. And if you think about it, that is also the premise of most movies that exist, other than the first three Shrek movies. In this one, we visit the dark corners of Clint’s mind for some crazy and random Avengers humor!
As much as we all want Shrek to be our ruler, it seems that he unfortunately has no interest in becoming king. This movie is about him trying to convince Justin Timberlake to be the king instead of him, and also Prince Charming hangs out with some witches. And there are baby ogres? But don't worry, Antonio Banderas showed up for work again, so it's a fun time. In this one, we finally acquire Krystal-branded sunscreen.
Shrek is back, and this time he seems to be a slightly brighter shade of green? Also there is a cat with a sword, and he's voiced by Carmen and Juni’s dad! This shrekisode includes a lot of Shrek 2 talk, as well as a little bit of Dumbo talk at the beginning! In this one, we are not wearing pants.
Can you guys believe we’ve been doing this dumb show for a year? We’re finally covering what was arguably the most obvious subject matter for us to talk about on this show from Day 1: Shrek. Tune in for some rowdy discussion about ogres, farts, burps, mild cusses, and helium-related animal cruelty. In this one, we apologize for participating in Shrek Meme Culture.
If we tried to talk about ALL of the Air Bud movies on this show, we would spend 25% of 2019 talking about the Sports Dog. Rather than do that, we decided to skip a few and end this series by talking about what is arguably the most far-fetched (HA, "FETCHED") of them all. Yep, you guessed it. The golf one. In this one, we disagree with Roger Ebert.
So you've seen a dog play basketball, but have you seen a dog get smushed by some rowdy boys? Do you WANT to see a dog get smushed by some rowdy boys? Then Air Bud: Golden Receiver is the movie for you, you psychopath! In this one, Dr. Handsome is unfortunately not played by Richard Karn.
Before the Buddies, there was only one Bud. He didn't go to space. He didn't team up with Santa to save Christmas. He didn't even talk. But he was one heck of a basketball player. We watched Air Bud, and in the words of IMDb user SupernovaHeights... this is amazing, but true! In this one, Mr. Noodle is a bad man.
The sky nanny is back, and this time there's a dead mom involved! Can you imagine that? In this one, Paddington cries.
Oh no! A huge gust of wind is blowing away all the other podcasts that you are subscribed to! And what's that, descending elegantly on an umbrella from the heavens? It's a new episode of Purely Nostalgia! Close your mouth, please. We are not a codfish. In this one, Clint finally gets scientific confirmation that he is white, and Eli serves a new master.
What's better than one Spider-Man? Two Spider-Mans. What's better than two Spider-Mans? Three Spider-Mans. What's better than three Spider-Mans? So many Spider-Mans, and one of them is Nicolas Cage. We're saying goodbye to 2018 by talking about one of its best movies, and also taking a look back at all the movies we've covered so far on the show. In this one, we boldly go where no podcast has gone before (probably).
It's Christmas time! That special time of year when your podcast audio is a little bit lower-quality than usual because you are sharing a mic with your pal while you record together in the same room! Unfortunately, when we bought this podcast-recording house, we underestimated how big of a burden it would be to protect it from wet bandits. Honestly who cares though, we don't really have anything of value in here. In this one, Clint reads a Christmas poem.
We're joined this week by talented artist, graphic designer, and internet good boy Jake Damon. Just a heads up: we HAVE been compromised by some slithering space-tar that has turned our clothes black made us goth now, so we're not gonna be putting up with anyone's shenanigans anymore. This podcast is now for goths only, and for people who like dancing on tables to jazz music. Now dig on this. In this one, we each assemble our own Mount Rushmore of Spider-Man 3 characters. Follow Jake Damon on Twitter: @jakedamon and Instagram: jakewdamon
The Spiders-Boy is at it again, fighting Dr. Science, but this time a different one. Shooting webs at birds so that he can swing from the sky. Thank you, Spiders-Man. In this one, we would like some chocolate cake, and a glass of milk.
It's a bird! It's a plane! It's some spiders! The Spiders-Man is here, and he's got wet eyes! In this one, the Green Goblin takes Mary Jane on a date to Arby’s.
It is with heavy hearts that we at Purely Nostalgia must announce to you, the listener, that monsters are real. That's right: zombies, voodoo, and cat gods are very real and can hurt you. No amount of sleuthing, meddling, or problem-solving skills can save you. We are sorry that you had to find out this way. In this one, we learn how to use Instagram to check our selfies for ghosts.
This week, Eli is joined by Mark Watlington, who is unfortunately very smart and funny, even though we politely asked him to try and tone that side of himself down. We’re talking about the oily man Jungle George himself, as well as his dog that is an elephant and his ape that is an ape. In this one, we may have just cranked out a new chart-topping single. Listen to Best Pictures, and follow Mark on Twitter: @WatlingtonMark.
Everyone knows that there are two things we hate on Purely Nostalgia: DRAMA and FAKE PEOPLE. We are so, so done with fake people. When people claim that their joyous morning song is what makes the sun rise? And then you find out they're lying when an evil rooster fights them and makes them forget to crow at the sun, but the sun comes up anyway? Ugh, we're over it. Honestly, fake people need to go. In this one, we examine Christopher Plummer's finest performance.
Since the dawn of time, there has been no bond more special than the bond between a boy and his toaster. It seems like in this day and age, people don't respect toasters they way they did in the olden days. If you have ever thrown away a toaster, shame on you. Shame on you. In this one, we play a rousing game of Four Degrees of Zendaya.
When director Marc Forster was consulting with the frozen, re-animated head of Walt Disney about his plans for a live action Winnie the Pooh movie, Disney's only request was that this movie NOT have Pooh's name in the title, because he knew that our friend Kelp would not be able to stop giggling at the name "Pooh". Even though the movie ended up being titled Christopher Robin, Kelp unfortunately found plenty of opportunities to giggle about poo during the recording of this episode. In this one, Max Keeble gets more than he bargained for.
For those of you who were disappointed with the sad lack of Antonio Banderas in Spy Kids: All the Time in the World, we have some great news: our boy is back, and this time he's a pirate named Burger Beard. Fortunately, his prior absence in our podcast's subject material has been remedied by the fact that he is in this movie WAY more than he should be. In this one, Bubbles steals the show.
Okay, we really did not intend for the tenth episode of our podcast to start out with so much discussion about fecal matter, but sometimes life surprises you. Eventually we did end up discussing the Spongebob Squarepants Movie, as well as David Hasselhoff's weird, unsettling body. In this one, Grandma Crime!
THE SCREENSLAVER INTERRUPTS THIS PROGRAM FOR AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT. DON'T BOTHER LISTENING TO THIS ONE. THESE DUMB IDIOTS DO NOT SAVE THE DAY. THEY ONLY POSTPONE THEIR DEFEAT. AND WHILE THEY POSTPONE THEIR DEFEAT, YOU EAT CHIPS AND LISTEN TO THEM INVERT PROBLEMS THAT YOU ARE TOO LAZY TO DEAL WITH. PODCASTERS ARE PART OF A BRAINLESS DESIRE TO REPLACE TRUE EXPERIENCE WITH SIMULATION. YOU DON'T TALK; YOU LISTEN TO PODCASTS. YOU DON'T PLAY GAMES; YOU LISTEN TO PODCASTS. TRAVEL, RELATIONSHIPS, RISK; EVERY MEANINGFUL EXPERIENCE MUST BE PACKAGED AND DELIVERED TO YOU TO WATCH AT A DISTANCE SO THAT YOU REMAIN EVER-SHELTERED, EVER-PASSIVE, EVER-RAVENOUS CONSUMERS WHO CAN'T FREE THEMSELVES TO TAKE OUT THEIR EARBUDS FOR A MOMENT TO BREAK A SWEAT, NEVER ANTICIPATE NEW LIFE. YOU WANT PODCASTERS TO PROTECT YOU, AND MAKE YOURSELVES EVER MORE POWERLESS IN THE PROCESS. WELL, YOU TELL YOURSELVES YOU'RE BEING 'LOOKED AFTER'. THAT YOU'RE INCHES FROM BEING SERVED AND YOUR RIGHTS ARE BEING UPHELD. SO THAT THE SYSTEM CAN KEEP STEALING FROM YOU, SMILING AT YOU ALL THE WHILE. GO AHEAD, SEND YOUR PODCASTERS TO STOP ME. GRAB YOUR SNACKS, PLUG IN YOUR AUX CORDS, AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS. YOU ARE NO LONGER IN CONTROL. I AM. In this one, young Timothy calls the Mommy-Line and the Daddy-Line.
It's good! It's a good film! Finally! You could even say it's.... Fantastic! Wait, no, that's the wrong joke. Incredible, it's incredible. In this one, Eli does not respect Clint's theories.
We all had that one friend in 7th grade who wore a robe to school every single day. We all had to deal with that one bully who charged us money to pee. We all saved an animal shelter from our evil school principal, while learning in the process that the real "big moves" were not the friends we made along the way, but the ones we already had to begin with. We all did all these things. We are all Max Keeble. In this one, one of us finally brings his flawless George W. Bush impression out of retirement.
What if Harry Potter but spies? Like, not wizard school, but spy school? Are you imagining that? Okay, now take that and make it a cartoon aimed at 7-year old kids, and also there is a Thumb-Thumb in it. That makes it a Spy Kids thing right? Now, what if it was also very much like Daniel Tiger? Spy Kids: Mission Critical is not very much like Daniel Tiger at all, but like, what if it WAS like Daniel Tiger? In this one, Deadpool finds religion.
Grab your scratch-and-sniff cards, kids! We're going on a journey into the fourth dimension with a film starring Jeremy Piven, Jeremy Piven, Jeremy Piven, Jeremy Piven, Jessica Alba, and Jeremy Piven. The fourth dimension is smell. Because that's what dimensions are. In this one, Daryl is on his very best behavior.
Spies are out, superheroes are in, dreams are real, lava is pink, and George Lopez is the only voice actor you need. Any questions? In this one, we fear Taylor Lautner's strength.
How many Sylvester Stallones did you want to be in your movie? Did you want four of him? Oh... oops, yeah, this one's definitely got four Sylvesters in it. Is that too many? Sorry, but I'm actually not allowed to take a Sylvester Stallone back over the counter once he's in the hands of the customer. It's just one of those annoying health code things. So those are all yours now. To paraphrase Douglas Young (the-movie-guy), "If you remember the movie `Tron', you will [hear] about the same thing in this one."
Okay, so now not only are the kids spies, but they're like, better at being spies than the adults? Like just as a general rule? And they can also give orders to the president. Okay, yes, this feels like a sequel to Spy Kids I guess. In this one, we disagree about slizzards and learn something about Derek Sbarro's romantic life.
Wait a second, you're telling me KIDS can be SPIES now? No way, dude. They're far too short, and they can't even say cuss words. In this one, we finally solve the mystery of what happened to Lisa Lohan.
In this mini-episode, Clint and Eli explain the premise of the show and announce the first series: Spy Kids! Purely Nostalgia will officially launch with Episode 1 on April 4th, releasing every other Wednesday!