WifeMotherLeader Minute: Recent Episodes
Donielle Buie
WifeMotherLeader Minute is a series of smart, practical, daily tips and advice for busy, working mothers who want to build a great career without sacrificing their family life. Learn how to have a great marriage, be the parent you want to be, and build the career that you’re proud of. You don’t have to sacrifice your health, sleep, or relationships, but you do have to prioritize.
This builds off of the previous lesson, but it is the deeper reason that it works. Our faith in God, specifically in Jesus, is the center of our marriage.
I wrote a blog post about this habit that cullen and I instituted when we engaged. We heard this amazing stat at a couples night out event. 50% of marriages end in divorce. everyone knows that. Then, the pastor shared that 50% of Christian marriages also end in divorce. So no real difference. BUT, for couples who prayed together daily, there was a difference. Their divorce rate was less than 1%. How could that be? Praying together was the key.
Teamwork in marriage is keeping your eye on the goal and not on the glory. It means doing things for each other because you are on the same team. Some days (and weeks and even months) is means carrying more of the load and then shifting that. Teamwork also means practicing patience, selflessness and honesty with each other.
Intimacy and a great sex life are not a given in marriage. But, they are also not impossible. Many people think of sex in marriage as boring and limiting. Quite the contrary, sex in marriage can be freeing, engaging and just plain fun. But, great sex is the result of strong communication, absolute trust and a deep desire to see the other person fulfilled.
Plan all you want. Life is going to happen. How you handle the gap will define your marriage.
You might not want to hear it, but centering your world around kids is dangerous for you and for them.
You can't be flexible and bitter. You can't compromise and then have an attitude. When things change, you need to have strategies to help you handle your emotions.
What does it really look like to be flexible? Listen to my story of how we couldn't leave our house on a Saturday morning which has swim lessons and a playdate planned. Flexibility led to a fantastic day!
Flexibility comes from knowing what is most important to you and then being willing to compromise on the less important things. So, if you want to be more flexible, figure out what you are not willing to change.
The demands of motherhood, marriage and career demand that you learn to be flexible. Things just won't happen the way you want or plan so honing this skill will help you have less stress and more peace, even in chaos.
Your job as the parent is to clearly communicate with your sitter so they understand how your household works and what you want to happen while you're away.
Even if they are angels with you, your kids will likely try to push boundaries and get away with thing that don't fly when you're home. Don't put your sitter in an awkward position. Equip them with the knowledge to be successful based on what is important to you.
It doesn't help to get a sitter if you're going to be stressed while they watch your kids. Instead of obsessing about whether they are keep the routines and doing what you asked, create a schedule for them to follow. This is especially helpful with young kids who have bedtime routines, etc.
Where else can you find a babysitter? Should you use a marketplace like Sittercity, UrbanSitter or Care.com?
Want to understand how the babysitter is doing? Ask your kids. If they're a bit older (5+), they will tell you. It also helps them understand that you value their feedback.
What if you find a sitter, but you're still nervous? Here is an idea for how to "test" out your sitter before you leave them alone with your kids.
Finding a trusted babysitter can be frustrating an stressful. Your best source for a sitter are the parents you already know! Learn how to get a referral for a great sitter.
Pro Tip--Dates don't have to happen at night. Donielle shares a great tip that another mom gave when she first had kids.
Do you model the behavior you want to see in your kids? Here's what I did when I realized I was asking them to do as I say and not as I do.
Life is complicated enough. Keep it simple is more than just a phrase. It's a strategy for better marriage, family life and career.
Life is complicated enough. Keep it simple is more than just a phrase. It's a strategy for better marriage, family life and career.
Life is complicated enough. Keep it simple is more than just a phrase. It's a strategy for better marriage, family life and career.
Do you try to make big decisions in just one conversation? That's likely a mistake. Tough or complex decisions require more than just one conversation.
How to deal with and try to correct health related regrets? Oh, how I wish I had done more sit-ups!
What is something about your family life or relationships that you wish you could change? It's not too late.
We all have regrets on our parenting journey. Some are things we can't change, but most are things that we could address, if we have the courage.
How can you practically deal with regrets about your career? Learn how to move beyond just punishing yourself to taking action or moving on.
A great quote by Christopher Germer helps you think about self-care in a really simple and practical way. Understand what self-compassion looks like.
We talked about superpowers in marriage, but what about our vulnerabilities? What things can lead to challenges and struggle in marriage? Lack of advocacy for yourself within marriage is a huge vulnerability, especially for women (and mothers). You have to identify your needs and be willing to ask for the time, support and resources to meet them.
We talked about superpowers in marriage, but what about our vulnerabilities? What things can lead to challenges and struggle in marriage? Today, I start with one of my superpowers that is also a huge vulnerability--selflessness.
What are your marriage superpowers? What strengths do you bring that can enhance your marriage? Today I share my third superpower--selflessness.
What are your marriage superpowers? What strengths do you bring that can enhance your marriage? Today I share my second superpower, generosity.
What are your marriage superpowers? What strengths do you bring that can enhance your marriage? One of mine is encouragement. Learn how I use it to build a great relationship with my husband.
Our childhood challenges often become our parenting vulnerabilities. One of my biggest ones is chores.
Is you memory of how "good" you were as a child a bit biased? Projecting ourselves onto our kids is a dangerous thing to do.
The other sided of having superpowers is being vulnerable. Patience is an area that I struggle with.
Even when you have a superpower, you should be striving to stay in the moment with your kids.
Let's keep talking about your Mom superpowers. These are things that you're great at that help you in your parenting.
What is your mom superpower? We have have one (or multiple) and you should be celebrating it!
Road Trip Lesson 7: One of the best parts of a road trip is how it changes you after it's over.
Road Trip Lesson 6: It's great for kids to be bored, but they don't often get the chance these days.
Road Trip Lesson 5: Plan the rest stops along the way. Find what fits your family and then plan accordingly.
Road Trip Lesson 3: Talk time in the car is a great time to have deeper, more meaningful conversation with each other.
We are a road trip family and we've learned some great lessons. Lesson #1 is no screens in the car on the drive.
Are your mornings crazy? Having a morning routine can help you decrease stress and get more rest.
You try to put your kids to bed at the same time every night. What about you? Do you have a consistent bedtime?
An old fashioned way to get rest, sleep in. Learn how to when your life is too busy to sleep in.
You need to decide which you're going to do in the evening. You can't do all three (or even two)!
Networking is not just about meeting new people. Have you maintained connections with people you already know?
While networking outside of your employer is important, don't forget to network inside your organization.
Are you actively using LinkedIn? Technology can be your secret weapon for networking when you're busy.
Are you enjoying today or always thinking about the next thing, next stage, the future?
As a parent, you're constantly setting the boundaries for your kids. Here is a framework we use to help us clearly set boundaries for our kids.
More kids means less one-on-one time with each. Listen for tips on how to spend time with each of your children.
As they get older, your kids will have many people who influence them, especially their friends. Here is a tip on how to understand who their influencers are.
There are lots of choices that toddlers can have, but be clear about which ones they shouldn't.
If you're struggling to get that date night going, start with this easy date night in idea
Take 5 Minutes to identify how to hold yourself accountable for the goals you want to achieve.
Meal Planning Hack #3: We all have a kitchen appliance that would help us if we used it more. Mine is the slow cooker.