Jenn Pipe & Self Esteem Through Art: Recent Episodes
Jennifer Pipe | jennpipe.com; empowering women and girls, living your highest potential, art-based personal empowerment programs
I was gifted with another profound moment this week. Another moment that reminds me of the importance of the work I’m doing; the importance of safe spaces, empathy, and trust. The importance of women being able to circle up with other women. The importance of self-discovery. My women’s classes, where small in numbers recently, have been incredibly big on heart and authenticity. On Wednesday evening, the attendees and I were engaging in very deep conversations while they worked on their projects. We talked about some of our biggest challenges and burdens, how we’re finding our way through, and how life can be really tricky and bring you to your knees sometimes.
One of the women was sharing a story about a journey she was embarking on and how she’s afraid because similar journeys haven’t turned out well or lived up to expectations. And, as she’s sharing her story and walking around the studio looking for additional materials for her project, she comes upon two square-shaped mixed media pieces I made years ago. She holds them up and says, “These are the designs on your business cards!” I acknowledge that, yes, they were pieces of my artwork that I turned into business cards and then she proceeds to tell me the most beautiful story:
When she first started coming to the studio in September, she took one of those business cards. She resonated with the “Believe You Can” message and really needed to hear it at the time. So she brought the business card home and added it to an altar she has next to her bed. She shared that for the past six months, that card is the first thing she looks at each morning and the last thing she looks at each night before she goes to sleep. On days when she feels the self doubt creep in, she reminds herself to believe she can. On evenings when she hasn’t had the best of days, she revisits the card and it reminds her to believe she can have a better tomorrow, find the strength she needs, look at things through a new lens, utilize all of the new tools in her toolkit, and so much more.
As she’s talking about this, I can feel myself getting choked up. Tears start to sting my eyes and I can feel the emotions bubbling to the surface. It’s customary for me to use my own artwork in my business cards and it’s also customary for me to have positive, uplifting words in my artwork. It’s kinda my jam. But, to me, those business cards have always just been business cards. A way for people to contact me, book a class, follow me on social media. I honestly never gave much consideration to the fact that these pieces of cardstock might be a lifeline for someone. Or that they might become a talisman that someone reaches for when they begin to feel unmoored.
The woman then asks if I have any more cards. I direct her to the opposite end of the studio and off she goes to pick up one of each design. She tells me she’s taking them on her upcoming trip. She knows that she’s going to be tested during this trip, that she’s going to have to remind herself of all the ways she’s grown, and when things are tough, she’s going to have to really lean into her boundary-setting practice. She’s nervous she might falter, might regress, might be bested by someone in her life who is not on a journey of self-discovery and knows how to manipulate and push buttons. She wants to have the extra cards close by to simply touch while in her pocket or to look at when she needs a reminder of how far she’s come. They will help to reinforce her metaphorical force field during the times she feels disrespected, undervalued, or tested. During the times she might want to resort to old ways of being when feeling like she is in survival mode. And, she shared, in the event that her trip goes better then anticipated, and in the event that she feels as though she’s got it all under control, she plans to leave the cards behind in places where the universe might guide them into someone else’s hands at a time when they need the reminder that they, too, have the power to “Believe They Can.”
To say I was touched by this story would be an understatement. To say that I am inspired by the bravery of all the women who step foot in the studio would be factual. And, in light of this story, to continue to view my art and words as “just business cards” would be foolish.
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Wow! It’s been a long time, hasn’t it?
I’ve been in a DEEP reflective state lately, partly because there are times where I feel like I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown and want to burn it all to the ground while running away. When I feel like that, my most potent act of self-preservation and self-discovery is going within. For myriad reasons—some of which I will get into in this blog post, and some I will not—the past three plus years as a business owner (and, as a human, if we’re being completely honest) has been grueling. The choppy waters have churned up a lot of loss-based fear and FOMO and that’s the state I’ve been operating in for quite some time. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t feel good.
When I first started this business and started running classes waaayyyy back in 2008, everything was unequivocally heart-centered—from the marketing to the curriculum development to what I shared on social media. It was all about my WHY and HOW I came to be a business owner and WHO I wanted to serve and why WHAT we were doing was so special and unique. But, as time went on, the marketing gurus started saying that no one reads long posts and no one visits Web sites anymore and if you’re not sharing on social media you’re not getting seen because that’s where the people are and they don’t want to click over to a different corner of the internet or take time to engage because everything is FAST and instant gratification and you have 5 seconds or less to win people over. And then there had to be podcasts. And then email lists (and if you didn’t have at least 1000 people in your email list you were doomed to fail). And then it was highly curated photos and perfectly color-paletted Instagram feeds. And then paying for ads or your content wouldn’t get seen. And then Snapchat and TikTok. And then reels. And then private communities. And you need to be on ALLLLL the platforms for brand consistency and awareness. And, and, and. The marketing experts had me chasing my tail and screaming into the void and reluctantly and begrudgingly buying into the capitalist, patriarchal bullshit hook, line, and sinker. My mission is important to me (and I truly believe beneficial for the world), and I WANT to succeed. And from a financial standpoint, I NEED to succeed. So round and round and round I went. Through Covid. Through a rebuild of my business after Covid. Through a move where I tried to keep my existing business afloat long-distance. And then through a business move where I rerooted to a community where no one knew me and was none the wiser about this beautiful, meaningful, heart-centered thing I launched 15 years prior.
Somewhere along the line, gradually and not all at once, I stopped sharing my most deeply vulnerable and authentic content because not only was I told that people weren’t interested, but I had also taken my fair share of abuse online. It seemed as though being perfectly imperfect and looking though a lens of hope, unity, and love was triggering for many. Trying to defend myself was exhausting (I removed over 1,000 Facebook friends in the process and made my Instagram account private). I was sick of being a metaphorical punching bag for people who had nothing better to do than start fights on the internet, so I slowly withdrew from being the full expression of myself. Just the facts, m’aam. Keep it light and fluffy, Don’t ruffle any feathers. Don’t encourage people to dig too deeply. Don’t speak truth to bullshit. And then I stopped writing. Slowly, but surely, I was siphoning off pieces of myself. For what?! And once I stopped writing and sharing and BEing (fully myself), it was hard to start up again. Even when I wanted to. Even when it was necessary.
By the time I moved to Rhode Island and then moved my business to Rhode Island, I had disconnected from my foundational, heart-centered way of operating. I had morphed and changed and chameleoned to appease the almighty algorithm. Get views. Grab attention. Stand out. Make reels. Blah blah blah. The problem is…I don’t know how to perform for an algorithm. Nor do I want to. I don’t know how to move at the pace that social media and the influencers want me to move at. Nor do I want to. And, the time it takes me to try to film a fucking reel instead of snapping a few pictures is time spent away from my art, my calling, and my unique way of existing in the world. I don’t really want to be doing that either. And, quite frankly, I’m exhausted and soooo ovvvveeeerrrrr it all. As such, I’ve been reflecting. If you happened upon my social media post recently where I admitted to standing in the middle of my studio prior to a class and having thoughts of shutting it all down, what I have really been feeling is a long overdue visceral reaction to processes and practices that aren’t me. Things that pull me out of alignment. Things that remove me from my uniquely authentic way of living. loving, doing business, and sharing pieces of my heart. Because the truth of the matter is, my business isn’t a “grab their attention in 5 seconds” kind of business (nor do I want it to be). And nothing I do from a marketing perspective will make it so.
Back when I started, and for years and years after that, people made their way to the studio over and over again not because I am the most skilled artist in New England or because I have the flashiest or most lavish studio space, but because I EFFORTLESSLY MADE PEOPLE OF ALL AGES FEEL SEEN, HEARD, AND VALUED WHILE THEY WERE THERE. I still do those things and create magic within the studio walls, but I stopped talking about it publicly and online. Stopped sharing who I was, how I struggled, and what mattered to me. Stopped helping people feel less alone, unless they were seated in front of me. Stopped talking about what connects us and why that matters. Vulnerability was my super power and I stopped being vulnerable because the “experts” said that people don’t give a shit about that…they want funny and controversial and outlandish and they want to be SOLD something. And you know what? The experts aren’t right about everything and I don’t want to operate from that space anymore! It’s made me tired. And anxious. And out of whack. And it has never really felt good in my bones.
I own my part in what I allowed to transpire. I stopped listening to my gut. I tried to be someone else for reasons that didn’t align with my soul’s work and it backfired in myriad ways, none the least of which has been my mental and emotional health. As of today, I’m reclaiming my vulnerability and I am going to start sharing it with the world again. I want people to know me, what I stand for, how I view life’s lens, and why what I do matters. And I am going to build my communities in the studio and on this Web site and over on Patreon at a pace and in a manner that is in alignment with who I am and what matters to me. The people who are meant to be there and be touched by what I have to offer will show up when the time is right for them. Because, one of the things I have learned over and over again is that online friends and followers are this land of make-believe. It’s the people who show up, who have a desire to consistently and authentically connect, and who allow themselves to be seen knee-to-knee that really matter. I have thousands of friends and followers on my social media corners of the internet. And from those thousands, I have dozens who have consistently shown up. It’s time for me to refocus my energy and efforts on the dozens and stop worrying about the thousands. Most of those people probably don’t even see my content because social media is a game and the powers that be have cannibalized all that is good and pure and true. I’m done letting myself be eaten from the inside out.
Moving forward, I won’t necessarily be creating a new way of doing things, I’ll simply be returning to my roots. To my unique, feel-good way of seeing and being seen. To doing things according to my timeline and in MY voice. That was my sweet spot. I’m reclaiming it from this moment forward. I have so, so much to share with you and I hope you’ll join me.
This probably isn’t the last time you’ll see this topic come up in my posts. It’s deep and it’s woven its tentacles around multiple aspects of my life. I’m not quite done unpacking all of this.
In the spirit of (re)learning, growing, and course-correcting,
Jenn
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I’m truly loving this after-school art journaling series and I’m going to be sad when the series comes to an end next week. We started today’s class by discussing what was currently hard in our lives. I shared that sometimes the pressures and excess social obligations of the holidays can be difficult for me and I have to balance it with a lot of down-time to read, write, make art, walk on the beach, and just BE. Some of the kids were slow to share, but they eventually contributed by talking about sibling relationships, assorted school subjects, and imbalanced friendships where they feel like they do most of the giving and conceding.
On the chalkboard, I had the following quote: “The bigger the challenge, the bigger the opportunity for growth.” And our project for today was focused on the metaphorical climb that we so often feel in life. How it can feel grueling and endless, but once you get to the top and overcome that hurdle, it’s incredibly rewarding. I showed the students 3 different techniques they could use to create their mountains: pen and line work, watercolor with line work/doodles, and collage—and then I encouraged them to interpret the project in their own unique way.
- We had one creation that gave me CandyLand vibes with its bright colors, unique doodles, and cat-shaped sun.
- Southwest vibes emanated from another page with a gorgeous color palette and gold line work.
- We even had a couple circular creations. The young artists weren’t able to articulate why they opted for circles, but on one of the projects, it almost looked as though the metaphorical challenges/problems we had been speaking of were compounded.
I am so impressed with the artistic intensity and ability of this group. They are incredibly curious and their styles are emerging.
Art journaling is such a powerful growth and self-discovery tool. Especially when it’s approached with intention like we do in these classes.
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If you want your child(ren) to have access to an incredibly potent self-discovery tool, get them an art journal.
If you want kids to be able to express themselves in a healthy way, get them an art journal.
If you want them to be able to come up with creative solutions to problems, get them an art journal.
If you want to offer them a boredom buster and get them away from their screens, get them an art journal.
If you want them to build a foundation based on authenticity, creativity, focus, and curiosity, get them an art journal.
If you want them to see things in color, texture, and pattern, get them an art journal.
If you want to give them access to a sacred, judgment-free space where they are free to ask themselves deep, powerful questions, get them an art journal.
If you want to introduce them to a kind of art where there is no right or wrong way to do it and the focus is on play and progress instead of perfectionism, get them an art journal.
If you want to give them an opportunity to alchemize energy and emotions from an emotional to a visual form, get them an art journal.
And, if you want to bestow upon them the ability to be introspective, thoughtful, and ENJOY THEIR OWN COMPANY, get them an art journal.
You can also send them to me at the Self Esteem Through Art studio and I’ll teach them everything they need to know about art journaling. Upcoming classes are listed on our events page.
*By the way, art journals are just as powerful and life-changing for adults, so get yourself one while you’re at it! 😊
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This morning was the third of four classes in the adult art journaling series. This is the first series of its kind in the new studio space and to say it’s been phenomenal would be an understatement. There has been a heavy emphasis on peace and play, which are two things people’s heads and hearts seem to be needing right now.
Today’s class was centered around texture and layers. I discussed with the group how layers and texture create visual and tactile interest and how that interest is such a welcome addition to an art journal page. We talked about how the addition of layers and textures draws the viewer in—people want to touch the substrate and inquire how you achieved the texture, they want to learn more about the story you are creating with the layers. Layering different mediums helps tell a visual story without using words. Layers can carry someone’s eye across an art journal page, or they can be a place for the eye to rest. Layers can ground other elements and can be an anchoring point for certain elements on the page.
We also talked about how humans are multi-faceted, layered beings and it’s our layers and depth that make us interesting. But, sometimes we’re uncomfortable with the depth, so we try to cover it up. The same can be said for art journal pages; sometimes layers are added to cover up pieces of our story that we don’t want to be seen.
Everyone had fun playing with modeling paste today. We practiced spreading the paste onto a cardboard substrate to get familiar with the weight and texture of it and then we tried our hand at adding marks with assorted tools including our palette knives, bubble wrap, popsicle sticks, corrugated cardboard, and toilet paper tubes.
Once everyone felt a certain level of comfort with the modeling paste, I encouraged them to create a page in their art journals using modeling paste as one of the elements. There were so many unique artistic visions for this project and I absolutely loved all of the outcomes!
This one was an artistic depiction of a scene the artist saw on the way to class. It’s a construction site where they were demolishing a number of old homes, homes that were full of character and charm. To make way for what? We don’t know yet… I love the way the modeling paste was used to create the entire scene—from the buildings to the fencing. And then color and texture was built up on top of the modeling paste base by adding watercolors, chalk pastels, marker, and collage.
This one was a whimsical take on the project. I’m in love withe the collaged desserts and the “Treat Yo Self” banner—pairs perfectly with the modeling paste sprinkles. This artist added her paint color directly to the paste and applied her colored paste to the page using a clay sculpting tool.
These next two pages were symbolic. The artist added elements that reminded her of her two children to each page. One page was dedicated to her daughter, with modeling paste hearts and the other page was dedicated to her son with modeling paste waves. I love the mixed media elements of these pages. Such a thoughtful application of the prompt.
This last page incorporated the concept of using modeling paste to hide certain elements on the page or pieces of the story that we either want to keep private or simply don’t want as a visual component of the final layout. The collage tells a story that is only known to the artist. In order to find out more, you need to make an inquiry. What lies underneath? How is it a part of the story? Creating art journal pages with symbolic story lines is one of my favorite things to do and I am so happy that this artist intuitively picked up on her ability to utilize those tools in her artwork as well. Intuitive art is an extremely powerful tool for processing emotions, working through challenges, and developing different parts of our voice—creative and otherwise.
What a privilege it is to have a front row seat to the creative process of these incredible women! I’m going to be so sad when this series ends next week—four weeks just isn’t long enough. But, I am already planning the content for the next series, which will take place starting in January! I hope you’ll join us in the studio.
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Do you know that by the time people (*all people) reach middle school, almost 85% of their inherent, natural curiosity and wonder has been stripped away? It’s a systemic problem. We don’t place enough value on creative thought and curiosity is often viewed as inconvenient. It’s an educational problem. Our model of memorization and rote […]
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It’s been 312 days since I have been able to utilize my studio in any meaningful way. March 5, 2020 was the last day I taught an in-person class—the space has since been relegated to the ranks of a really expensive storage locker. I was thinking about some of the rituals that I miss, […]
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It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. It’s no secret that 2020 was an unprecedented year marked by grief, loss, and disconnection, so I won’t belabor that point here. I made a conscious decision when the pandemic hit in March that I was going to be fluid and flexible and […]
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I can honestly say that this is the LAST place I ever would have expected to find myself tonight (or any night, really). But, it was dark by the time I finished teaching so a beach walk wasn’t possible and I really needed to protect my peace before working the polls all day tomorrow. As […]
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We’ve been falsely led to believe that there are only two choices at any given time and about any given topic. Only two forks in the road. Only two sides of the proverbial coin. Pro or anti. Yes or no. Left or right. Religious or atheist. Bigoted or tolerant. Educated or ignorant. Rich or poor. […]
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The easy thing is usually not the right thing. It’s the easy thing to leave your trash all over the beach after a day of fun in the sun. But it’s not the right thing. It’s the easy thing to not quarantine or wait in long testing lines after you’ve traveled out of your demographic […]
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Hello there! Man, oh man—I miss you! How are you doing? That’s not a rhetorical question, I seriously want to know. It’s been a series of ups and downs for me the past 4+ months. Some days, I feel like I am drowning in loss and grief and trauma, and other days I feel like […]
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I’ve spent the past 22+ years marking time by what’s happening in my yard. I have these daffodils that grow along the foundation in the front of my house. They typically start to shoot up out of the frozen ground by early February, aided by full-day sunshine and the radiant warmth of the concrete. They […]
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Well, here we are. Unified at last, because there is one common enemy we are all trying to protect ourselves from. 🦠You can’t marginalize or dehumanize this virus. 🦠 COVID-19 doesn’t care who you are or how much money you have. 🦠 It doesn’t care how old you are, what gender you are, what your sexual orientation […]
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At the end of February, I remember looking at my husband after a mind-numbingly exhausting weekend of volleyball for one daughter, basketball for the other, basketball and meetings for him, and my head on a swivel and I said, “I simply can’t help but wonder if all of this is healthy for us, for our […]
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