Suburb Trolls: Recent Episodes
Suburb Trolls
Australia's worst behaved property investment podcast. If you like your suburbs served to you on a tray of data with a side of crime statistics and potty humour, you've come to the right place. The Trolls promise foul manners and even fouler opinions.
Yes unfortunately the trolls talk about the Johnny Depp and Amber Herd case, more specifically, doing a poo in bed. Wrong opinions gets a revamp with all the recent negative media and we take another dive into Kent's conspiracy corner.
This week we're talking Johnny Depp and poo on the bed, as well as the best sex shops in SA. We cast the spotlight on the small town of Nurioopta and other things happen, none of them which are clever.
This week after a short break, we're back to talk about the federal election. Anthony Albanese calls in and rethinks some policies. Speckles the psychic croc predicts the outcome and we talk about the importance of veins on anything you put in your mouth.
This week we've found a correlation betweenh house prices, and instances of flesh eating bacteria. We also look at urban legends around monsters like the lovable Yowie. Darren from Logan calls in to share his stories and we chart the rise a swift fall of our favourite One Nation candidate.
Yep that's right. On this episode Mike and Kent solve the affordable housing crisis. If this doesn't get them into the Real Estate hall of fame, nothing will. Outside of that they talk about off grid homes and stream powered rotisserie chickens.
This week we're looking into the correlations between e-scooter accidents, graffiti and house prices and we think we're onto a winner. Kent starts his own conspiracy organisation K-anon and we revive the brilliant idea of the coal powered car.
This week we discover the hotel in St Kilda that encourages you to steal their shit. We also dive into Yooff (see: Youth) unemployment to see where the hot spots are.
We take a look at the Federal election campaign so far and discover the correlation between house prices and dog attacks.
In one of the show's most provocatively titled episodes yet, we heads to Griffith NSW to hunt down the phantom pooper because we're worried about his health. We discuss how wank pods can solve vacancy issues for Aussie investors and consider whether we should try and reverse climate change or just build floating houses.
This week we investigate two unusual transactions made by bankrupt builder Privium. We discuss the plight of locked down wildlife and why a humble Gnocchi recipe could be your ticket to hot spotting the next boom suburb. Kent also discusses the benefits of a catastrophic nuclear event to mankind.
This week we discuss why a 5G phone tower was burnt down, leaving flood victims without reception. We talk about the cost of living pressures that a treasurer on $433,000 a year pretends to understand. We also look at the merrits of the metaverse, and conclude.... well, it's bollocks.
This week we talk about the fact that Super Gonorrhoea has landed in Australia. Kent discovers a correlation between house prices and funnel web spiders. We also discuss embracing the vaccine distribution network and use it to inject people with gene therapy that will help cut down commuter times.... somehow.
This week we talk about the shortlisted submarine base locations, petrol price wars in Broken Hill and what Casula needs to learn from Mosman. Kent comes up with a radical solution for flood locations and Mike tells the Liberals how to win in the election battleground of Western Australia.
In our Russian special, we denounce the invasion and offer to accept Ukranian refugee's called Nikki. We look into a nudist house in Logan and consider the merits of a bare scrotum on a leather lounge. We talk transgender people, and trans-suburbs.
In what is certainly the worst behaved Trolls episode ever, this week we connect politics to pornography. We look into some of the left field political parties contesting the upcoming election and consider which suburbs match the search categories on pornhub and or Kent's internet search history.
This episode begins with it being called episode 28, so already it's f*cked. Things don't pick up much, as Mike complains about the Rich Dad Poor Dad bloke being a muppet with his views on negative gearing. We chat about the blue chip local council trying to convince people they're not racist, and the correlation between property prices, and romantic sounding places.
This week is dedicated to suburbs with rude place names like Muff Creek because... well, the Trolls are pretty immature. In the news we cover the Potts Point public sex act and share the audio of the incident, which we realise does nothing to convey the gravity of the scene. We also look at the top gun toting suburbs in Australia, thanks to the investigative work of the Greens.
It's Shark Week on the Trolls and we look at the correlation between shark attacks and house prices with some surprising results. The Trolls mailbag features a bloke called Dick Champion, Kents biggest fan and a self-titled "Blue Haired Bitch from Newtown", talking about toxic masculinity.
In this jam packed episode, we look at housing affordability and how that will impact the political landscape, yeah... us! We pay homage to the deceased landmine sniffing rat and look at literally hot suburbs. Kent's back with his conspiracy corner, this time talking about UFO sightings, which leads to an unusual voicemail in the Trolls answering machine.
Yeah, we apologise for the title of this show, but all those things were on the table for this episode. We look investigate what makes suburbs turn from dodgy to expensive and vice versa. As it turns out, such as in Bondi, dumping sewerage in the water has a massive impact.
Kent creates his own conspiracy segment, and we look into the best suburbs to thrive in an apocalypse.
The trolls are back in the swing for the new year! This week we cover the proposed Sydney to Newcastle rail link and what that could mean for property prices, with a detour into rail based crime.
We also chat about Clive Palmers plan to provide a 20% tax cut to people in the regions.
We also zoom in on the MacKay market and look at what their bins are up to these days.
In this Suburb Trolls Christmas special, we ask what exactly a yuletide is and what happened to the Gay Time ice cream.
Darren from Logan calls in from lockdown and talks about taking up the Cello, which ends in discussion of a three inch length of hose. We discuss what's happened to crime during lockdowns and Kent ridicules Mike's 2022 property market predictions whilst sharing his own, which to be honest... are more educated.
This week anti-vaxxer Bianca from Bondi calls back in and we discuss the woman who lost her job at the Ubuntu Church for getting the jab. Mike tries clicking African languages, crocodiles wander backyards and we discuss the Dick of a policy on land tax for investors in QLD.
This week the 'Wrong Opinions' segment makes a comeback with media articles on the best places to invest. Sadly, we have to admin to the odd 'Correct Opinion' but we don't have a button for that. We also look at the suburbs where you can still buy with less than a $100,000 deposit and pose the question, should you?
We finish up with an analysis of Sydney's COVID anti-vaccination hotspots and what that can tell us about the property market in that suburb.
This week we look at the CBA's prediction of a price crash and whether that is as bollocks as their 30% crash rubbish they spouted early in the pandemic.
Regular caller Darren is back with his advertising ideas about attracting wax head bong smoking bogans out west. Kent laments the fact that bong smoking wax heads are an endangered species and we make it our mission to save them.
This week we're embarking on a Sunshine Coast special as per a fan request. Of course, we had to zoom in on Nambour where it allegedly rains meth. This leads us to analyse animal rain throughout recent history.. it really is a thing.
We also consider the current market and how it stacks up to previous cycles all the way back to the 1880s.
This episode is dedicated to the research findings of the pre-eminent and peer reviewed 'Bogan Hunter'. We look at Australia's most bogan suburbs through the lens of Kent's 'bogan-o-meter' which is his take on the SEIFA index, albeit with a generous helping of poor taste.
We also hear from regular caller Darren from Logan, with his idea to boost tourism and trade via the invention of 'Logan Coin', the next cryptocurrency set to take the world by storm.
In this episode we talk about stuffing bottoms with noodles, French President Emmanuel Macron calls to complain about Australian's and things get personal.
We of course discuss the pear shaped French submarine deal, and believe us, a pear shape doesn't work for submarines. We look at the French nationals in Australia, where they live (spoiler alert: all the rich suburbs) and unfortunately, mention the war. We then discuss renaming all the French places in Australia in favour of their Aboriginal names, since Macron is having a tantrum.
This week we're tackling the surprising influx of friend requests we're getting from women with reddish tinged nipples, for whatever reason. We also share a heart warming story about a wonder dog and Kent shares his theories on how we can move people in housing commission homes out west.
We also look at the key bogan and snob hotspots across Australia and what that means for house prices.
This week we ponder the coming wealth tsunami from soon to be dead baby boomers. Specifically, how snotty kids with two middle names from Potts Point will be rolling in the stuff while scruffy ones from Fairfield will likely just inherit eczema and an old Torana. Kent has some great tips on how to marry into money, and run away with it as quickly as possible (see: gold-digging).
We also compare crime rates between these inheritance hotspots and find some interesting results when it comes to drug importation statistics.
To top it off, we look at some of the strangest conditions featured in the wills of wealthy benefactors.
- The first LIVE broadcast recording on Facebook*
Kylie Minogue is moving back home to Australia. Mike and Kent suggest the best suburbs for her to move to, of course with a locomotion theme. We also find NSW's number 1 hotspot for train station violence.
In the news, we find out why Quilpie is giving away free land and discuss why Yamba could be the next Byron Bay. That is to say, shit.
This week we learn why you should never bury marijuana or indeed grow it in your roof. We talk dodgy Daryl and goodbye Gladys as the NSW Premier exists office.
Kent launches a new segment called "Australia's Cheapest Homes AKA Where the f*ck is this place?"
Kent also discovers 'Property Sex', and decides it's a good idea for Mike to read the description. The BEEP button starts smoking and Mike immediately regrets it.
This week Kent launches a new segment and sings, we look at whether poor people drink more booze as A Current Affair would have us believe and we explore the reasons why brothels need more bathrooms and how that's playing out in the property market.
We also highlight the poo epidemic in Yorke Peninsula SA and for some reason, spend a large amount of time considering the pubic region of Japanese people, both in Australia and abroad.
This week we confirm which state is the underquoting champion of Australia. The results won't shock you. We also meet Ripper the human impersonating duck, who was almost lost to the archives of science.
Kent discusses the suburbs where the most obese and indeed leanest people in Australia live and we look at the suburbs where you're most likely to die from some sort of food poisoning or rat encounter.
This week we chat drive through vax clinics and are shamed by an anti-vaxxer on the call in line suggesting death is imminent. We look at NSW's hotspots for pornographic crime and check in with Goulburn's Poultry Fanciers Society.
Kent launches a new segment about places he's lived, and they all turn out to be horrible. All that and much much less.
With our first ever celebrity guest Veronica Morgan, this week we look at the popularity of pets as electoral candidates in Darwin.
We consider the dangers of wearing celebrity perfume brands that give local wildlife the horn, and hear from Darren in Logan again on as he calls in to talk about domesticating mice to deliver drugs to Wellington Prison NSW.
We also begin our State vs State championships to find the underquoting capital of Australia.
This week the Trolls consider whether outdoor intercourse would be considered strenuous exercise, stop in at Adelaide to check our their explosive Bunnies and get their first caller from a Logan after reporting on a lady trying to visit a drive through liquor shop on her horse.
Another terrible episode where the Suburb Trolls talk about a decline in incest, why Dandenong is the Hoax capital of Australia and how people from Guyra look at windfarms as witchcraft.
Kent finally checks back in to see if the auction price guides were in his words "bulls*it and we consider whether sheep can technically be art.
This week we look at Richmond TAS taking the tourism world by storm and the property market with it. Not content with that, we look at Townsville, rated QLD's shittiest towns 2021.
A main feature for the episode is Pete Evan's hippy commune being shut down by the local council.
This week we take a close look at Logan, one of the darlings of property investment commentary. We also share the whereabouts of the missing Big Bird costume and report on the epidemic of 'Hairy Panic'.
In this episode the Trolls look at the cancellation of Deniliquin ute muster, house prices, Western Australia's best hotspots and much much less.
In the first episode the Trolls set the tone on what's to come. Namely poor jokes, minor property data, crime figures and a whirlwind tour around the suburbs of Australia including what's hot and what's not.