Troubledgirlpod.: Recent Episodes
Chloe Rose
People always ask me if I know their Momma or if I've met them before. Maybe it's the smile that's so memorable because they never seem to be around for long. I am over not giving myself the credit for dragging myself out of every grave I have been placed in against my will. My whole life I have carried everyone's baggage and tagged it as my own. Something I have found in this solitude is peace in my passions. I have been a writer since I could walk, my Grandmother always got me my favorite pens for our sleepovers. I'm the baby of the family; my eyes have been pried open around every corner like most kids pry their fathers on Christmas morning. I don't have any home videos and the Christmas card was always something we could never quite find the right pictures for. My whole life is full of things that I don't like to talk about. I don't talk about a lot of these things because I wouldn't be able to keep my own sanity if I were to relive the nightmares that have haunted me into adulthood. Something I was always taught was how to be professional. My tears terrify those around me out of their own fear of not being able to help me in the ways I have fought my whole life to learn on my own.Something people have always been able to feel is my strength. I have not grown to be this woman without watering her with anybody's pain but my own. I have bled my whole life to see myself as the woman I am today. To finally find protection In those who have never been scared of my tears. Those who have always known that I can see myself through anything and pick myself up from the bloodiest battles. One thing I will always do is figure out how to help everybody. Nobody will ever experience the pain I have been caused at the hand of others with my chest in the way.
Something I have always had is the mindset of an athlete. I struggle to give myself a break until my body or mind force one. Overcoming and implementing this mentality into the proper avenues continues to be a struggle for me personally. I hope my words can find those who see the world through a similar viewpoint.
Although I like to say that I'm a big mental health advocate I still find myself dragging my feet over taking my pills or getting out of bed in the morning. I have even gotten to the point of leaving my pills in my locker out of fear. My journey with medication has been a bumpy one to say the least. I could never find myself with the right pills in my hand until now. After one of the biggest traumas to my spirit I found myself at the alter all over again.
Momma called them my devil horns when I was little. As my auntie twists her finger through my hair as we sip wine on holidays; I remember the brush ripping through my snarly hair. My mothers hands pawed through my mane that flowed past my shoulders. The two blonde highlights are always a point of compliment. Rage has always crept in the corners of my mind since I was a child. Welcome to my brain and how I’ve slain some of my own demons.
My whole life I have struggled 2 express myself. I stutter over my words while trying to find the perfect ones 2 say; Anger and fear have always given me safety. In this episode Ethan and I explore the connection in communication & emotion.
The sound of the recliner chair was an alarm bell 2 do the dishes.His burden was always our chore; I always used 2 tell people I respected my father I guess I just never wanted 2 see him as the man who beat me into the woman I am today with his words and gorilla warfare. He crawled out of his childhood house and into my Mothers in High School. Two kids destined 2 lose the fight ahead of them;
The sound of the recliner chair was an alarm bell to do the dishes. His burden was always our chore; I always used to tell people I respected my father. I guess I just never wanted to see him as the man who beat me into the woman I am today with his words and gorilla warfare. He crawled out of his childhood house and into my mothers in High School. Two kids destined to lose the fight ahead of them.