The Bloggess: Recent Episodes
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So there’s this strange thing that happens to me where when I’m in a depression it literally affects my sight. The deeper I get into a depression the more I get literal tunnel vision, with all of the edges seeming hazy and dark…it’s as if I am looking up through the bottom of a wellContinue reading "Oh, there I am."
So if you are a very close follower of mine you probably noticed that I disappeared here for over a week, which I don’t think I’ve ever done before. I’d like to say it’s because I was off on an exciting vacation but truthfully I’ve just been dealing with a depression that has been aContinue reading "Sometimes I disappear even to myself"
So this morning I had to get up early for a doctors appointment but instead of my alarm I woke up to an incredibly loud IMMINENT THREAT flood warning and so it gave me an excuse to just go back to bed because I couldn’t drive, but then I woke up again to another screamingContinue reading "Not how I expected my morning to go"
I’m writing this now bc I don’t ever want to go a week without blogging even if -like now- I’m fighting off a depression that makes me feel more than slightly worthless. You can usually tell when I’m in a depression because I disappear…from the internet…from friends and family…from myself. I kept waiting this weekContinue reading "a little broken"
My brain has stopped working this week so please enjoy this assortment of things that brought me joy and laughter: 2. I am a prolific reader and a bookstore owner and I just found out I have been mispronouncing Jodi Picoult’s name my whole life. I texted Vicki from Nowhere and turns out we’re allContinue reading "Get in the bitch dumpster."
Argh. There are a ton of scams going around in the literary world right now (and I know because I get at least 10 a week myself) but one of the latest scams is coming from someone pretending to be me. INFURIATING. Basically, fellow writers are getting an email from me saying that I wantContinue reading "If you got an email from me asking you for money, no you didn’t."
First off all, apologies if you are signed up for my art substack where I send you a letter each week, because once again I sent off a letter that I thought started with “Hello, friend” but instead wrote, “HELL, FRIEND.” In my defense I have been very sick with a summer cold and alsoContinue reading "HELL, FRIEND"
I fell asleep reading a book and woke up to the sound of orange chaos: In Purrsy Bysshe Shelley’s defense, I think we’ve all wanted to crawl into a book after devouring it. And speaking of books, if you’re a member of the Fantastic Strangelings Book Club you’ll be getting The Children by Melissa AlbertContinue reading "In his defense, it was a pretty good book."
So! Lots to share because I am forever behind but first, tonight I’m doing a free zoom book tour stop through Nowhere where I’ll be reading HOW TO BE OKAY WHEN NOTHING IS OKAY and we ran out spots a few days ago but we’ve expanded that now so if you couldn’t rsvp before justContinue reading "Let’s hang out tonight together in bed. Your bed. But I’ll just be there electronically. This sounds weird. Hold on. Let me explain…"
Y’ALL. Okay, so I have been in a very deep depression lately so I had an emergency ketamine session and I’ve been following all of my normal tools and they’ve helped but I was still struggling a little and finally I admitted that this house is just too sad after the loss of my twoContinue reading "I can literally feel my heart expanding in such a good way that’s probably normal where ginger boys are concerned but also maybe I should call my doctor?"
Sorry this post took longer than expected…coming out of a depression that’s lasted a little longer than normal, but feeling mostly human again. 🙂 First up, How To Be Okay When Nothing Is Okay is on the Indie Bookshop Bestsellers list for the 6th week in a row (what???) and to commemorate I’m doing aContinue reading "More ridiculous book tour things, including a free stop right in your bedroom."
I am incredibly behind on so many things because the book tour took all of my attention (in a good way – more about this later) so this is just a little post to catch up on a few things. First, I just heard that HOW TO BE OKAY WHEN NOTHING IS OKAY is stillContinue reading "May catch-up"
A few quick mysteries: In case you missed it, we found a secret room (half room?) in our new house and I still don’t know what it is or what to do with it. several people suggested I use it for storing the Xmas tree but the built-in bookshelf is built over half of theContinue reading "secret rooms, spam and bear costumes."
So. I’ve been busy with PET scans and CAT scans and tests and moving houses and stressing out about cancer and this all culminated into one of those panic attacks where my chest hurt so much I thought I was literally having a heart attack and it was a very hard week. BUT… I heardContinue reading "I’ve never been so happy to be labeled as”GROSSLY NORMAL AND UNREMARKABLE.”"
So I wrote a post about having cancer and then disappeared here for a week. I’M SO SORRY. I’m still trapped in moving hell and my computer was lost in the gazillion unopened moving boxes but this afternoon it turned up and so I am writing this in the middle on the night to tellContinue reading "I’M STILL HERE"
Woof. So, you may have noticed that I’ve been a bit MIA recently and that’s because I got some shitty news and I didn’t want to share until I had more information because I know you guys worry as much as I do, and also because I didn’t want to tell Hailey until they wereContinue reading "This post might be upsetting if you love me but just know that I’m going to be okay and if you want to skip it and come back another time that’s totally fine."
This month’s new book releases held a few of my absolute favorites for the year, which made it quite hard to winnow them down to just two for my book club picks. A good problem to have though. This month we’re sending Fantastic Strangelings When the Tides Held the Moon by Venessa Vida Kelley. It’sContinue reading "Books to distract, engage and love."
We’re moving to a smaller place and so I’ve been selling some things on Facebook marketplace, and I started with just normal descriptions but then I got bored and everything I’m posting now is ridiculous but I figure if I’m going to write ad copy it’s going to be entertaining, even if it’s just toContinue reading "Facebook marketplace is lightly terrifying."
Yesterday I was at the hospital getting an endoscopy and biopsies for yet another terrible autoimmune thing that I don’t even remember the name of because my body has decided I have to have all of them and after I got into a bed the nurse told me to think of a song to playContinue reading "Bad songs for surgery"
My friend Xan sent me some giant easter bunny for Bone Crawford and I love them but… Bone Crawford is no more. Or, actually she still exists but I had to take her down because we’re selling this house and moving to a smaller one in the same neighborhood because this house feels too bigContinue reading "Things that probably won’t sell on facebook marketplace because no one is as weird as I am."
Y’all. I’ve been a bit of a wreck lately and part of that is another bout of pernicious anemia (which absolutely sounds like a Lemony Snicket disease) and also some other autoimmune disease (BECAUSE I GUESS I DON’T HAVE ENOUGH?) that I haven’t been able to get tested for because the doctor says I’m tooContinue reading "A happy cry"
If you’re subscribed to my art substack you get an email from me every Monday with a doodle I’ve drawn and a few words of what I’m thinking. It’s a bit more earnest than what I write here because my (incredibly amateur) art is a tool I use to battle the harder parts of myselfContinue reading "My work is not always pretty, but it’s always honest"
This isn’t a real post…it’s just a little celebration because I haven’t had enough of those lately. Yesterday I got a copy of Furiously Happy translated into Indonesian and it feels so surreal. I just went through my bookshelf and in the last 12 years my books have been translated into Italian, German, Portuguese, Czechoslovakian,Continue reading "A little celebration.:)"
January is finally over (and only lasted 3 decades) and this means it’s time to for my February book club picks. Whoop! If you join the Fantastic Strangelings Book Club you’ll be getting Life Hacks from a Little Alien by Alice Franklin. This novel is smart, funny, strange and wonderful. The narrator’s journey is informedContinue reading "A few February reads"
A few weeks ago I was in California and I still have to write about it but I haven’t yet because I came back and fell into a depression followed by the flu (GO GET YOUR FLU SHOT). But when I was in California my friend Jenny sent me a dm to see if IContinue reading "Well, fuck."
I was sending an email when a little magic wand popped up that said “Polish” and I thought that was weird because why would I want to translate my email into Polish? I tried to click on it to make it go away but instead it changed the entire email because apparently it was sayingContinue reading "No, I do not want AI to “polish” me."
Every so often I write something on my newsletter about art that I think you might want to read even if art is not for you. Today may be one of those so I’m sharing it here just in case: It’s a hard time to be an empath out here, y’all. I suspect many ofContinue reading "Not giving up."
(Sorry I’ve been MIA. This week has been really hard. Sending love to anyone struggling.) Last week we got a letter from our HOA chiding us that our Halloween decorations should have been removed in November, and that we would be fined if we didn’t remedy the 12-foot skeleton on our porch by today. SoContinue reading "Long Live Bone Crawford"
Last week I shared my list of books I read in 2024 and someone asked me my favorite, which I can’t do because that’s like picking my favorite child. Except harder because I only have one child. But if you see it here on this video, I liked it. I don’t review books I don’tContinue reading "What was your favorite book of the year?"
A few decades ago I met my husband in a bookstore where he picked me up by convincing me to go to his dorm room to lend me the books I was looking at so I didn’t have to buy them. Over a decade ago I started writing strange books about our lives that somehowContinue reading "I’ve lost track of how many proposals we’ve gotten to witness at Nowhere, but this took it to a new level."
First off, I just went through and counted and it looks like 432 kids were gifted with new stuffed animals this week during the 15th Annual James Garfield Miracle. Holy crap. I love you guys. Secondly, I wrote this for my substack today but I’m sharing it here too in case you don’t substack butContinue reading "Put your towels on. It’s Christmas Eve."
Hello and welcome to the FIFTEENTH ANNUAL James Garfield Miracle! (HOW??) “What is the James Garfield Miracle?” you may be asking. You must be new here. HELLO AND WELCOME. 15 years ago I walked into an estate sale and fell in love with an ancient taxidermied boars head that seemed so damn happy to see me. I didContinue reading "15 years is giant metal chickens. Or sweet stuffed animals. Welcome to the 15th James Garfield Miracle."
I used to share instagram videos on Fridays but I stopped because I’d heard they wouldn’t embed anymore so I thought I’d try again now to see if it works again. Let me know in the comments? Did they work?
This month’s book picks are weirdly related because both feature queer romance and suspenseful corpse disposal and I promise I didn’t plan that at all. If you’re in Nightmares from Nowhere you’ll be getting The Resurrectionist by A. Rae Dunlap. It’s a dark and twisty gothic debut set in 19th century Scotland (at a timeContinue reading "There’s a lot of corpses in these books. Not literally. Probably."
Five years ago Victor brought home a battered old bear named Mathew McClawnaughey because he knows I don’t like flowers: And I gave the bear a small makeover and renamed her Ruth Bader Ginsbear, because obviously: And then Ruth sat beside me through good times and bad and waved at fascinated neighborhood children during theContinue reading "Clearly, I come by it honestly. And by “it” I mean “playful insanity”."
First off, bless you for your feedback on my last post because it made me feel like I wasn’t the only idiot to accidentally OD on gummies. Secondly, if you read here you already know that I take ketamine injections once every month or two (at a medical clinic) to help treat my treatment-resistant depressionContinue reading "This is not a drug blog. It’s just a weird coincidence, mostly."
So. This is a post that will probably get me mocked and possibly should be titled, “Idiot woman fucked around and found out” because that’s probably what a lot of responses will be but I’m writing it anyway because you can learn from mistakes…because recently I had a psychotic episode triggered by a perfectly legal,Continue reading "I HAD A GUMMIE AND I DON’T KNOW IF I’M TOO HIGH OR IF I AM DEAD. (Spoiler: you’re too high.)"
I’ve had a lot of people ask if I’m leaving Texas. I totally support those who feel like they need to move for their safety or sanity, but I don’t plan to leave. Perhaps that may change one day but for now I’ll continue to be here…a small blue dot. And Nowhere Bookshop will beContinue reading "We’re not going anywhere."
I’ve been in a depression this last week and honestly, I’d probably still be in bed but I made a promise to update my substack every week and it forced me to write, which actually helped in a strange way. Just in case you aren’t signed up for it, here’s what I shared today. I’llContinue reading "I’m not giving up on you or me."
If you’re subscribed to my art substack you already got this letter from me, but I’m also posting it here just in case you need it: This is a stressful week for a lot of us and that’s probably why this came out of me when I turned off the world and stopped to draw…Continue reading "It’s gonna be okay."
A few days ago I admitted on threads that I have been mispronouncing the word “calamity” for my entire life and I only found out that I’d been mispronouncing it when I used it incorrectly on a conference call because of course I did. And then people on threads were like, “Wait, how do youContinue reading "This is what comes of reading more than you talk to actual people."
Spoiler: Not all of these pictures are me… Happy Halloween from me and Hunter S. Thomcat.
Y’all know I am a giant horror aficionado, and so Halloween is my jam. I’ve been watching horror movies all week…just letting my algorithm tell me what to watch next and it has been very hit-or-miss. So if you are also a lover of horror, please chime in on your faves. (Extra credit for psychologicalContinue reading "It’s Halloween Eve…what should I watch?"
It’s almost Halloween so I’m giving an updated video walk-through of my witch’s dollhouse on instagram. I can’t believe I’ve been building it for almost two decades. Feel free to stay awhile. It’s filled with over 100 references to my favorite horror and fantasy books and movies. (Pictures below if you don’t do instagram.) HowContinue reading "Haunted dollhouse continued…"
So this morning I was telling Victor that I’d only recently realized that all of those “HONK IF YOU’RE HORNY” bumper stickers that everyone inexplicably had on their car when we were kids were not actually a call for other drivers to indicate they wanted to have sex, and that instead it was to keepContinue reading "Honk if you also didn’t know what this meant"
This morning Victor came out of the house to stare at me because I was standing on a chair with my head in the trees and he just sighed a little so I explained that I was just painting the trees for Halloween and then he sighed louder. But then I explained that I’d noticedContinue reading "Am I a good witch or a bad witch?"
I have ketamine treatment tonight so I can’t have caffeine or my ADD meds or even food and so that’s probably why I just emailed thousands of people an email with a 500-year-old drawing of a medieval cat carrying off what seems to be a dismembered penis (my substack is weirder than normal today, I’mContinue reading "October reads…so spooky…so good."
I play all of the daily NYT games in hopes that it will help my failing memory. I can often do the mini crossword in under a minute. I can finish the Monday crossword without hints. I can wordle like a bad-ass and I can usually get Connections now that I’ve realized it’s basically allContinue reading "The NYT Spelling Bee and I are in a fight."
I’m sending you this post to remind you to get your covid and flu shot if you can because I just had mine. It feels like both of my arms are string cheese filled with glass, but still worth it. I went yesterday and Victor had his appointment right after mine so when I wentContinue reading "I’m typing this with my tongue"
Last night I dreamt that I came up with a single sentence so brilliantly true and simultaneously profoundly false that it would explode the universe and when I woke up at midnight I groggily jotted it down so that I could later decide if it was too dangerous to share with the world and thisContinue reading "I really thought I had something there."
Today is Hailey’s 20th birthday and my heart is both painfully full and painfully empty at the same time. Does that make sense?
Sometimes when I’m turning off my car a message pops up in my dashboard that says “LOOK IN THE BACK SEAT” and every single time I think that I’m a horror movie and that when I turn around I’ll see a serial killer dressed as a clown, and so I told the mechanic when IContinue reading "My car is terrifying me"
Three years ago I shared this on twitter: And tonight we’re going to see CAKE. Which is amazing, except that we live in Texas and the concert is outside and I’m always overheated…to the point where I carry an embarrassingly giant cup of ice with me every where I go. So I told Hailey thatContinue reading "Braspas"
Wait…it is Friday, right? This week has been weird as fuck. But yeah, I just double checked my calendar and it is and that means that are cordially invited to come into me office (mind the dog on the floor) and sit on my chair while I show you the ridiculous videos I’ve been savingContinue reading "IT’S FRIDAY. LOOK AT THIS DOG."
Before I talk about the books I’m loving this month, I’ve decided to do a one-year-art-challenge culminating with a tiny art gallery of free tiny art at Nowhere so if you want to send me a tiny art piece (postcard sized or smaller, please) over the next year I’ll make sure it finds its wayContinue reading "Let me tempt you with September books."
This is the post I’m writing on my substack today, just in case you don’t subscribe to it yet because “substack seems confusing and I’ll totally do it later when I have time to figure out what the fuck it is.” (Relatable.) In case you are this person, my art substack is a thing whereContinue reading "The wonder and terror of a mind that doesn’t work like everyone else’s."
This weekend Hailey moved into their first apartment with their sweetheart and it’s very weird because last week they were sleeping in their carseat which was perched on top of the table of my favorite taco place. Or at least it feels like it was last week. We were expecting that they’d just keep livingContinue reading "Ow, my heart."
You know when so many coincidental things happen that you start to believe it’s a sign? Because a few days ago my dad texted me about my grandmother (who died when I was 16) and my sister texted me two minutes later asking if I remembered when we asked that same sweet grandma to teachContinue reading "WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR, FISH POO?"
Not a real post…just a quick question…normally all my headlines and links are in hot pink but right now they look blue to me and I just got an error message when I logged in. Is it blue to you too? Should I try to fix it or is the blue a happy accident that’sContinue reading "Does this look weird?"
Before I forget, if you’re a Fantastic Strangeling be sure to check your book mail because we’re slipping this gorgeous Nowhere sticker into your package when we mail your book: (And if you sign up this month you can get one too.) And now, MAGICAL CATS SERVING YOU PASTRIES AND TELLING YOU HOW TO FIXContinue reading "Read with us in September!"
This is an embarrassing post to write but sometimes that’s what writing is all about, and if it gets to even one person who needs to read this right now it’s worth it. So. Depression can look like a lot of things to different people. For some it’s sadness. For others it’s numbness. Some ofContinue reading "This is what depression looks like."
So for the last year or two I’ve been doing this thing where I just stop breathing when I’m asleep and wake up chocking and gasping for breath and I didn’t want to tell my doctor because I already knew what it was…demons. I assumed he’d say it was that I’m too fat, that it’sContinue reading "Am I dead?"
Three unrelated things. First, I saw this broomstick challenge where supposedly most women can walk over a broomstick they’re holding and most men can’t do it… So I decided to try it out and after a bit of a struggle I was totally able to do it and was feeling very limber and proud ofContinue reading "Insulting spam was not on my bingo card"
I still don’t know what I’m doing with my art substack but I am very much enjoying it and somehow I have 9.9k subscribers, which is both shocking and weird. I also don’t know how you’re supposed to edit the preview image each week and that is why I think I just emailed 9.9k peopleContinue reading "I apologize for sending you cat buttholes, probably."
We started Nowhere Bookshop at the end of 2019 when we sold our first book through the Fantastic Strangelings Book Club which we fulfilled in Elizabeth’s garage (with the help of spouses, kids and even our parents). By March of 2020 we were finally ready to open the actual remodeled (as remodeled as we couldContinue reading "On the positive side, we have a lot of anniversaries."
It’s hard for me to type this because this weekend I took out my frustration on my garden (“garden” being a very generous word for my overgrown backyard) and vigorously ripped out weeds, tree roots and also the better part of two fingernails. Turns out that you’re supposed to use gloves. I pulled out theContinue reading "Pretty deadly things"
In the last few years my parents have finally figured out texting, which is wonderful but also often baffling because it often lacks the context you might get from a normal conversation. Example: (I apologize if you are not familiar with a “gut pile” or why anyone would point a trail camera at one butContinue reading "FOR SALE: SLIGHTLY USED COFFIN"
Some of my favorite books of the year are coming out this month and you should definitely pick them up. The first is my pick for the Fantastic Strangelings Book Club and it’s Meg Shaffer’s The Lost Story. Inspired by C. S. Lewis’s The Chronicles of Narnia, this wild and wondrous novel is a fairy taleContinue reading "July is for reading."
First off…click here for an update to my post about car footrests that caused a firestorm of discussion. Secondly, it’s Friday and this week has been long as shit, so that means it’s time to come into my office so I can show you all of the videos I saved for you. Ready? Let’s go.Continue reading "It’s Friday!"
Yesterday I was getting my oil changed and when the mechanic came back to the waiting room to give me my keys I had a question for her: Me: Quick question. I always put my right foot in that footrest thingy on the bottom of the passenger side door of my husband’s car but nowContinue reading "Is this a universal problem between husbands and wives or is it just us?"
Shit feels like it’s coming apart at the seams sometimes but then I open up my instagram “for you” page and it’s all gay possums and I think to myself, “Nah, baby girl. You’re doing just fine.”
Me: I wonder why shark dorsal fins stick out of the water? Victor: Because they’re hot and want to cool off. me: But it’s always colder in the water than outside it. Victor: Because they’re cold and they want to warm up. me: You’re just confidently guessing until you get to one that sounds right,Continue reading "sharks and toddlers"
This week I did a podcast for Sleeping with Celebrities (where the term “celebrity” is used very loosely in my case) and usually behind me on a zoom you see my bookshelf which is possibly the most organized thing in my house. But when I had covid I had to move my computer into aContinue reading "Reality is never as pretty as you want it to be."
If you are following the Laura Perea mystery you’ll remember that in my last update I said that I was trying to find something that might have been written by Laura…a 1956 document that was referenced in a book about Minnie Fisher Cunningham, a Texas suffragette who was announcing her candidacy for President. And afterContinue reading "A LAURA PEREA UPDATE: Perhaps a little bit of fate is working here?"
Feeling conflicted on this and need a second opinion. You probably already know that I have two monthly book clubs. I always share my book picks in an article I write for my community magazine. I live in conservative Texas and so I sometimes get a bit of pushback on my choices, which are oftenContinue reading "Subversive or subverted?"
Okay. If you’re a regular reader you already know all about Laura Perea, but if you’re new here and want details there are a lot and they are here. Part 1. Who is “L. Perea”? Part 2. Laura? Is that you? Part 3. MORE ART DISCOVERED In short, I found a bunch of strange artContinue reading "THE HAUNTING MYSTERY OF ARTIST LAURA PEREA…PARTIALLY SOLVED! Literally crying, y’all."
It’s Friday so I want to invite you into my office to look at all the videos I saved for you, but I’m still in covid isolation, so instead you have to watch them from your place and just pretend to be snuggling with me. You’re welcome. So me it hurts: This is a naturalContinue reading "IT’S FRIDAY."
last night was a bit miserable. Why are nights always worse? I promise I’ll be back soon. Love.
I’m currently standing in a vending machine store in Japan watching Hailey and Laurel get hello Kitty capsules but I wanted to share this: If it works it’s a link to the San Antonio express story about Laura. If it doesn’t it’s a sign that I can’t do things in Japan. Love!
Two things… 2. Tomorrow we’re taking Hailey and their sweetheart, Laurel, to Japan for a few days. I’m a wreck because I have no energy at all and I worry that I’ll slow everyone down. I assumed it was just another depressive episode but then I started getting dizzy and nauseous and turns out IContinue reading "Where I am"
Okay. Remember last month when I found a bunch of tattered art works at a local estate sale and fell into an obsessive hyperfixation to figure out who the artist was and what happened to her? Here’s a tiny recap in case you have the same memory problems I do. The art works were fromContinue reading "Uncovering the mystery of L. Perea and trying to erase the stigma of mental illness."
It’s May and I have two incredible books to tell you about. The first is Real Americans by Rachel Khong and it’s my pick for the Fantastic Strangelings Book Club. It’s an exhilarating novel of American identity that spans three generations in one family and asks, what makes us who we are? Real Americans begins onContinue reading "What you should be reading in May"
Yesterday I saw our yard squirrels running in circles in our yard and I said, “Oh my god, those squirrels are fucking nuts” and Victor said, “No, baby, those squirrels are storing nuts” and I laughed much longer than I should have. ** At the bookstore I overheard a woman who dropped her books yell,Continue reading "Random things"
It’s Friday and that means it’s time for you to sneak into my office so we can look at the videos I saved for you this month. COME ON: Happy weekend, friends.
We had blackouts in our neighborhood every few hours the past few days and so when it all came back on yesterday I spent hours trying to reset everything in the house to get the internet to come back up because Victor is out of town and whenever he leaves things stop working properly andContinue reading "Well as long as it’s convenient"
Y’ALL. This Saturday is INDEPENDENT BOOKSTORE DAY and Nowhere Bookshop is cordially inviting you to come and visit and celebrate with us. (There’s extra parking behind the store if needed.) Why should you come? First off, there will be a golden ticket hidden somewhere in the store on Saturday and the first lucky person whoContinue reading "There’s a special day just for celebrating Independent Bookstores and the people who love them? Yes, Virginia, there is. And it’s this Saturday. Wow, this is a long title. I should stop now."
Once or twice a year I open up slots for people advertise on my blog and today is that day! I don’t use ad networks or pop-ups because they’re annoying so instead I just offer flat-rate sidebar ads to anyone with something cool that needs attention. My sweet advertisers pay the bills that keep thisContinue reading "This isn’t a real post but if you have something you want to plug you should definitely read it."
First, if you missed yesterday’s post about the artist we’re trying to identify you need to go back and read it first so you understand, okay? Second, if you’re easily affected by talks of suicide be warned there are a few mentions here so feel free to skip this one. And no judgement because sometimesContinue reading "Art mystery possibly solved?"
SEE BOTTOM OF POST FOR UPDATE. So often I stop at estate sales and bring home strange, haunting things that I don’t really need but that I can’t leave behind…especially on Sundays when so much has been picked over and so much will end up tossed in the garbage if it doesn’t sell. Today wasContinue reading "Help me solve a haunting art mystery?"
Before I start, are you in Texas this weekend? Because Saturday I’ll be at the San Antonio Book Festival at the library, listening to panels and getting new books and interviewing my amazing friend R.Eric Thomas. And it’s free! Click here for details. (We’re doing a signing right afterward if you want to visit inContinue reading "April reads."
I just got the Estonian translation of Broken in the mail and it’s lovely, with Fleece Witherspoon on the cover: But of course, I had to use google translate to see what it actually says. And I was not disappointed. But I was confused. Luckily, google translate continued to cook and gave me this option:Continue reading "Adventures in translation"
I posted this on my weekly art substack today but I know not everyone subscribes, so I thought I’d share it here in case it needs to find the right person. If you’re here you’re probably my friend (even if we’ve never met) and you probably know that I struggle with depression. And maybe youContinue reading "Stay"
It’s Friday and that means that I’m whispering “Pssst” and motioning for you to come into my office because it’s time for a medicinal shot of videos I’ve saved just for you. Ready? Happy weekend, sweetness!
Last night I woke up with what I was pretty sure was a brilliant mathematic epiphany that I quickly jotted down on my phone notes and this is what it was: “6 upside down is 9. And 9 upside down is 6. But 69 upside down is still 69 and that’s why I don’t trustContinue reading "They’re not all gonna be winners."
As heavily requested, this is a follow-up to Friday’s post (“WHAT IS THE MYSTERIOUS GIANT CIRCULAR POOP IN MY YARD“). In all honesty I should tell you that I did not expect this to blow up. I keep getting these emails from social media consultants telling me that I should hire them because I’m doingContinue reading "PART 2: POOP MYSTERY SOLVED. (Probably?)"
Wanna do something fun with me? Awesome, because I need help. Hailey has gone off to college and it’s left me feeling entirely unmoored. My therapist says that I need to fill the time that I had spent as the mom of a high-schooler with something positive for myself that is therapeutic and rewarding andContinue reading "I don’t know what I’m doing but I’m doing it. Please do it with me. (Not sexually.)"
I was just listening to the I Saw What You Did podcast (love them) and they were talking about how much they hate the tight tuck at the bottom of hotel beds and then Victor was like, “EXACTLY” because he also hates when I tuck in the top sheet under the mattress and I alwaysContinue reading "Questioning my sanity more than usual."
September has some bad-ass new books that you’ll want to see. Ready? First up is my September pick for the Fantastic Strangeling Book Club: It’s Land of Milk and Honey by C Pam Zhang (the award-winning author of How Much of these Hills is Gold) and it is haunting and strange and the prose isContinue reading "What I read in September."
Facebook is forever giving me bizarre ad recommendations and I probably deserve that because I am an odd person but this one is just…baffling. And no shame to anyone who can pull this look off and manage to figure out which of these many holes your legs go in because I am very impressed, butContinue reading "I have questions."
I just went out to walk Dorothy Barker and an exterminator was outside looking at these beetles and he was like, “Hi, I’m Alan” and I wanted to say something like, “Hi, I’m Jenny but you need to talk to my husband because he’s the one who called you so let me go get him”Continue reading "I’M BUFFERING"
I get a lot of weird mail at Nowhere Bookshop so the team always opens it when it arrives because you never know if something is going to spoil, expire or explode before I come in and with this most recent box they got as far as uncovering possibly human hair before screaming lightly, resealingContinue reading "(Possibly) haunted dolls needing a good home."
This is not a real post, but a bunch of people asked for a calendar with all the quotes from my last post so here it is: Or if you want a notebook with your horoscope quote just look below. You can customize it to change the spiral color, or the insides, or make itContinue reading "This is not a real post."
I don’t really believe in astrology, because I’m a total Capricorn but I do heartily endorse these “What Jenny Lawson quote are you?” horoscopes which are at least 85% accurate. Accurate? PS. Yes, you can totally steal these graphics if you want.
Hailey sent me a picture from their dorm room window and I was like, “Ooh, pretty view.” And they were like, “Mom” and I looked closer… And I was like, “I don’t want to kink-shame but I bet that’s not what their mother had in mind when she was buying them post-it notes.” And thenContinue reading "I can’t even text correctly"
A shocking number of you have requested the playlist that Victor made to listen to after we dropped Hailey off at college because I guess you all really like to cry as well. No judgement. And Hailey is loving college, which makes it so much easier, although I’m still a bit weepy and untethered. TheyContinue reading "Rip-your-heart-out playlist for when your child is leaving home"
So yesterday we dropped Hailey off at college and I’m really lucky that Texas State is only an hour or two away but it was still hard as hell because it feels like the end of an era. It was hot as fuck outside and I was trying not to show how panicked I was,Continue reading "Ow, my heart."
I try to include photographs in my books whenever possible because sometimes people (especially people not from Texas) assume that the ridiculousness I write about can’t possible be true, including the mention in my latest book (Broken) about being attacked by a squirrel working in tag-team with our neighborhood owl which several people – includingContinue reading "I mean, it’s not not wrong"
It is somehow August so that means if you’re a member of one of my book clubs a book is flying toward your home from me, or if you’re an honorary member you’re waiting to see which books I’ really loved’m recommending this month. WAIT NO MORE. My Fantastic Strangelings pick was an easy oneContinue reading "Let me tempt you with books about gay frogs and dismembered rock and roll hands."
It’s Friday and that means I’m waving you into my office and whispering, “Come in and close the door because I HAVE VIDEOS FOR YOU.” Ready? For real though, this is me in 20 years. Maybe less. Happy weekend, y’all.
I joined a gym because my doctor yelled at me but I don’t know how anything works and I’m too intimidated to find out. Yesterday I saw this machine that looked like a stationary bike for giants because it was 4 feet off the ground but then I saw someone using it and turns outContinue reading "And that’s why I can’t go back to the gym again."
me: FUCK! Victor from his office: What was that noise? me: I BROKE A FINGER. Victor (still from his office): What? me: I WAS REARRANGING THE BOOKSHELF AND I BROKE A FINGER. Victor: You what?? me: I BROKE A FINGER. AND THEN IT ROLLED UNDER THE DESK AND NOW I CAN’T FIND IT. Victor: *confusedContinue reading "I BROKE A FINGER. Sort of."
An actual, abridged email conversation I have been having for weeks now: Him: Dear thebloggess, our client enjoy your post on travel. We will create guest content for you. We will pay 25 dollar for do-follow link. Please confirm within 24 hours. We are very busy. me: Sorry, we don’t do that. Please remove meContinue reading "Am I on candid camera?"
Just a reminder that all the food you panic-bought at the beginning of the pandemic has expired. PS. If this is relatable content go move the stuff from the wash into the dryer (or rewash them if you can’t remember when you washed them), call to get your meds refilled, drink some water and plugContinue reading "If you don’t need this reminder you are a better person than I am."
Yesterday I found Squirrely Temple splayed out and unconscious on the dirt under the tree she usually perches on to chatter menacingly at me for existing. This is squirrely Temple being her normal self, for comparison: I thought maybe she’d fainted from heatstroke so I grabbed some water to pour over her but when IContinue reading "IMPORTANT: WHAT TO DO IN CASE OF SPLOOTING"
Hailey is in that weird age of kids who had to learn how to drive in the middle of covid times, which meant that basically it was practically impossible. When I was getting my license I just walked in off the street for my driving test with a parent and my social security card. Hailey’sContinue reading "Be careful out there."
It is July and that means it’s time for me to announce my monthly book club picks, which I am very excited about. Our Fantastic Strangelings Book Club pick is How Can I Help You by Laura Sims. It’s about librarians. Librarians and MURDER. (If you’ve been waiting to join the Strangelings this is theContinue reading "July reads. (This will either convince you to join my horror book club or will make you run screaming from it. Choose wisely.)"
Today is our 27th anniversary. I looked it up and the 27th wedding anniversary doesn’t have a traditional name but I did find out that the number 27 is “the radix of the septemvigesimal position” and so I proposed we get matching septum piercings to commemorate our love, but Victor wasn’t into it because IContinue reading "Happy anniversary to these two absolute babies."
It’s Friday and it’s been a long damn week so that means that you need to sneak into my office so that I can show you all the videos I saved for you. If your boss complains just explain that this is medicinal and that HR asked you to review it and technically that’s sortContinue reading "It’s Friday. You need this."
Last week we went to Puerto Rico for 3 days with Hailey, their sweetheart Laurel, and Laurel’s mom to celebrate their graduation and spend some bonding time with them before they both go off to Texas State, and it was perfect because I could stay in bed when exhaustion hit and not feel bad becauseContinue reading "Debbie, screaming irrationally in our hearts forever."
So I found a small tree in a clam and when the waiter asked if everything was okay I said, “There’s a small tree in my clam” and the waiter was like, “Oh. Why?” As if I had put it there. So he got the cook and she was like, “Oh, that’s his…what’s the word?Continue reading "“Waiter, there’s a tree in my clam.”"
Victor and I are currently giving Hailey advice to prepare for their driving test and we have very different ideas on how to deal with intentionally aggressive dickholes on the road. Victor is all for honking at them because “How else will they know that they’re idiots?” but I explained that honking just makes themContinue reading "I don’t even know where my horn is."
It is a new month and that means it’s time to share the best books I read in June, including the two I picked for our book clubs. First up is our Fantastic Strangelings Book Club pick, Lucky Red by Claudia Cravens. I’m not necessarily a fan of westerns or romances (or western romances) butContinue reading "Old west queer brothel revenge love stories and culty mystery islands reliving 1994 forever. This is what happens when you let me pick out your books."
It’s Friday and I’m sick (just a cold, but one that wants to murder me) so today we definitely need to look at all the dumb videos I’ve been saving for you. Yes, you. Take 5 minutes for this medicinal break: Have an excellent weekend, y’all. I’m going to go take some more nyquil andContinue reading "It’s Friday. Step into my office, please. We need to talk about cats."
Yesterday Hailey graduated from high school, which is weird because they graduated from kindergarten last week in almost the same outfit and when did time get all weird? I wanted to leave them with some words of wisdom for college but all I could think was, “Red and yellow, kill a fellow…beer before liquor, neverContinue reading "Whisper words of wisdom. Or just leave them in the comments."
I was at the gas station and I overheard someone say “Did you know lemons aren’t real?” And the person they were talking to was like, “Yeah, I heard that.” And then I couldn’t stop thinking about it because WHAT IS HAPPENING so I went on twitter for their feedback and most people were asContinue reading "When life may or may not give you lemons"
This weekend was Hailey’s last high school performance and was also the very first time I ever saw them sing a solo on their stage. (This is one of the things they don’t warn you about when your kid gets accepted into a fine arts high school…your kid may get great training, but will alsoContinue reading "Victor is going to miss these moments. Eventually."
Next week is Hailey’s last week of high school and I am mentally unprepared and also incredibly proud to announce that Hailey got accepted to their first choice, Texas State University: What will they do in college? The same thing everyone does, I suppose…change their minors a million times and deal with the self-doubt ofContinue reading "Ends and beginnings"
Graduation is only a few weeks away and Hailey just picked up the stole they’re supposed to wear with their cap and gown: And I’m not even mad about it because I really fucking needed that laugh.
I am a few days behind on telling you what books you should read and what authors you should come see (hello, David Sedaris and Samantha Irby) but my kid is graduating from high school in a few weeks and that means time is moving in fast-forward and I am utterly unprepared to handle thisContinue reading "May books light your way"
In about an hour I am going to be high off my tits getting a ketamine booster for my depression treatment and I’m having one of those days where I’m certain everything is going off the rails and that everyone hates me and I know this is all just my brain lying to me butContinue reading "Tell me it’s going to be okay."
This morning Victor texted me from work with the message, “Um what the hell is this?” and I assumed it was a receipt for something I’d bought after drinking but instead it was a link to my goodreads page and I panicked because I thought maybe someone had written something terrible about me but turnsContinue reading "Sometimes I even surprise myself. Not usually with unexpected sex toys though."
My parents are not really cat people, although they have been adopted by stray cat named Stuffins who they love because she’s sweet but standoffish and is happy to greet customers at the taxidermy shop and keep mice at bay. But not long ago someone dumped a cat in the country (please don’t do this)Continue reading "EVERYONE WINS (especially a very needy abandoned cat)"
Yesterday my sister and her kids came all the way from Washington to see Nowhere Bookshop for the first time since it opened and I was so incredibly excited because they were my favorite visitors ever until this morning when a new gold standard was set: Because today we got a visit from Jacque Merde.Continue reading "Weird people are the very best kind of people. Change my mind."
I was just watching a movie and I was like, “Damn, Howard Hesseman never ages. How is he still so hot?” and I looked him up and turns out he literally doesn’t age because he’s dead and the person I’ve been thinking is Howard Hesseman is actually JK Simmons.
A few days ago I was very proud of myself because I actually managed to leave the house like a fully functioning person to take part in the San Antonio Literary Death Match, which I had accidentally tweeted as “Come join me at the Literal Death Match!” until someone was like, “Um…what?” and I quicklyContinue reading "Just to clarify, I was not in literal death match."
Frankly, I’m a little shocked that twitter hasn’t crashed yet, but while it’s still vaguely working, here is my current collection of questionable things that have trended on my Twitter “for you” page that make me think twitter either really knows me or really, really doesn’t. Happy Friday and please keep your cocaine in animal-safeContinue reading "Honestly though, I could start a cult."
If you’ve been reading here you know I’ve been in a massive depression the last few months and that I’ve been doing ketamine injections to try to pull myself out and (KNOCK ON EVERY PIECE OF WOOD) I actually think it’s working. Today I went through and answered all of the emails that I’ve gottenContinue reading "Oh. There I am."
It’s Friday and that means it’s time for you to step into my office so you can see all the videos I saved for you. Ferris Mewler is in the other chair so just sit in my lap. It’s all good. Ready? Guess which one I am? He’s nervous. I want part of this madeContinue reading "It’s Friday. Let’s have some fun."
So tonight I’m going in for my 5th ketamine treatment for depression and I know some people really enjoy getting just off-their tits high but personally I enjoy a little bit until I fall into another dimension because I’m always sure I’m going to be stuck there forever but I’ve just found that if IContinue reading "The first bloom. Or last bloom. Fuck, I don’t know. It’s a bloom. Let’s just leave it at that."
I’m having 3 ketamine treatments for depression this week and that means I can’t have caffeine or my ADD meds and that means I’ve spent a fair amount of time drifting around the house wondering what it was I was doing, or frantically looking for my phone while it was in my own hand andContinue reading "What to read in April"
The other day I was walking Dorothy Barker at night and I saw what I thought was the silhouette of a possum crossing the road but it looked sort of weird and that’s because this possum had 8 legs and I was like, JESUS CHRIST HOW FUCKING BIG DO SPIDERS GET? So I went insideContinue reading "When did the pound symbol stop being the pound symbol? I blame twitter."
This week I started ketamine treatments for my depression and if I wasn’t depressed I would write a lot more about that but my depression means that my brain is bleh and I’m exhausted so instead I’ll just say that it involves a dozen injections of psychedelic drugs over three weeks that….I don’t know…makes yourContinue reading "I apologize to any of you who don’t exist anymore because I was too high."
This week we were in Hawaii for a few days and it was really nice although I’m still fighting this depression so I spent a lot of time just resting in my room, but one time I went to the ice machine and there was this British couple there who was adorable and I wasContinue reading "Bad crack"
Victor and I have been married for over 20 years and still we find ourselves using phrases that the other person swears we’ve just made up even though we each insist that it is a well-known family idiom and that’s why I need to see if either of us are right. So here are theContinue reading "We don’t speak the same language even when we’re speaking the same language"
How the fuck is March already? I have no idea. But I do know that March has some fantastic books you should check out and two of them are my book picks for the month. First up is my pick for Nightmares from Nowhere, Lone Women by Victor LaValle. I was worried it wouldn’t liveContinue reading "What to read in March."
This post won’t be funny or entertaining but it’s honest and sometimes that’s all I have. I’ve been in a depression for bit. I thought I was sick and maybe I am and it caused the depression or maybe I was depressed enough that it looked like illness, and the terrible thing about depression mixedContinue reading "Help."
My friend Maile gave me one of those mini build-your-own-bonsai-tree kits for my birthday and it actually sprouted and is still alive, but when I was bragging about Leafer Sutherland and how proud I was of growing my son, the tree, someone was like, “Actually, looks like you’ve grown six of them and you needContinue reading "I can’t handle this kind of pressure."
This morning I looked at my blog analytic report showing the phrases people googled that brought them to my blog because I always find it intriguing and also a little terrifying and I thought you might enjoy it too because these were some of the top searches that led y’all here this year: “OUTIE BELLYContinue reading "I still haven’t found what you’re looking for and maybe that’s for the best."
You know how I’ve been feeling like shit lately and I’ve been that sort of exhausted that is either “definitely dying” or “clinically depressed” and I can’t make myself get up and my brain is a brick and I lay down on the floor and think, “if only I could stop breathing for a littleContinue reading "I’m complicated so this post has two titles: “SO EXCITED TO BE SICK” and also “What to read in February”"
If you’ve been reading here you already know that my anxiety disorder is a total dick and if yours is too then you probably also know the pain of being unable to return phone calls, emails or make plans to do things that normal people would jump at, but in case this is not you,Continue reading "An open letter to Maria Menounos and 23,000 other people I’m hiding from"
So yesterday I decided to do a game of “What is this and am I dying?” on instagram: (if you can’t see it here just click on “view on instagram”.) As always, the comments did not disappoint and I love all of you. Particularly the people who pointed out that it could be old cocaineContinue reading "Spoiler: I probably didn’t inhale a bunch of arsenic yesterday and even if I did that’s probably not why I was in the hospital an hour later."
I didn’t write about this last month because I was dealing with a depression that made me unable to put the right words to things but I’m feeling like I’m coming out of the dark now (KNOCK ALL OF THE WOOD) so now I can tell you that my body is trying to kill me,Continue reading "Isn’t my whole body pre-cancerous?"
It’s Friday and that means it’s time to step into my office so I can show you the videos I’ve been saving for you. They will make you laugh and laughter is medicinal so it’s almost like I’m giving you free drugs. You’re welcome.
Do you love tales of things that go bump in the night? Do you celebrate Halloween all year long? Do you lean in to hear ghost stories and own your own EMF detector? Did you sneak Stephen King books under your covers when you were probably way too young and it may have damaged youContinue reading "Calling all horror aficionados. Let’s get creepy."
So first off a giant welcome to new and old members of the Fantastic Strangeling Book Club kicking off our fourth (FOURTH?!) year of reading. Check your packages well because this month we’re slipping in this fabulous pin as a thank you for keeping us in business: (It’s not too late to join this month.Continue reading "What to read in January"
Once or twice a year I open up slots for anyone to advertise on my blog and today is that day! I don’t use ad networks or pop-ups any of that stuff because it’s confusing and annoying so instead I just offer flat-rate sidebar ads to anyone with something cool that needs attention. Text adsContinue reading "This is not a real post but if you have something you want more eyes on you probably need to read it."
This year I read 120 books, which sounds like “too many” if you are my husband but sounds fine to a reader because THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST. Of course, I have several things on my side, including chronic insomnia, the ability to claim that I have to hide under a tree and read forContinue reading "What was the best thing you read last year?"
Today is my birthday. The first person to wish me happy birthday today was a robot who only knows me through my vagina and that’s how you know we live in the future. Also, I told Hailey that and they were like, “Ew. Like a vibrator?” and I was like, “No, an auto-voicemail from myContinue reading "This is 49."
Hey. It’s okay if you’re struggling right now. You are not alone. I’m not sure if that helps or not, but personally I struggle a bit over the holidays and it can be easy to compare yourself to the people who seemed to had their shit together and didn’t spend Christmas morning yelling “Hello?” toContinue reading "It’s okay to not be okay"
This is an ad but I only do ads for things I legitimately adore and Storyworth is 100% one of those places. It is probably the best present I have ever given and if you haven’t used it yet then let me convince you because I desperately wish I could go back in time andContinue reading "Storyworth"
So I was leaving the bookstore last week and I saw a cat-sized dead animal in the road a couple blocks away which was sad enough, but then I also saw a bunch of little kids getting off a school bus and heading in that direction and I was like, “Shit. What if that’s theContinue reading "MY INTENTIONS WERE GOOD"
Hello and welcome to year 12B of the James Garfield Miracle! “12B?” you ask, wondering if I’ve lost my mind. Yes to both. Because I don’t use the unlucky number so it’s 10, 11, 12, 12b, 14, etc. This makes perfect sense if you have as much untreated OCD as me. “Weird. But cool. ButContinue reading "Every year I say it will be the last and every year I am a damn liar. WELCOME TO THE ALMOST 14th ANNUAL JAMES GARFIELD MIRACLE!"
It’s Friday and that means that you need to come into my office so I can play you all the videos I saved for you this week. Yes, you. Come. Sit on my lap. Let’s do this. View this post on Instagram A post shared by Fail Salad (@failsalad) View this post on Instagram AContinue reading "It’s Friday. Step into my office. Again."
Several book-related things you might be interested in… First…if you want a signed, personalized copies of my books shipped right to you just click here. If you get your order in by Friday they should arrive before Christmas and I am very happy to personalize them to you or to loved ones, or implicate youContinue reading "Come read with me"
I used to think there were two kinds of people…those insist they still have plenty of gas even when they’re on empty just to fuck with their anxious wives and those of us who aren’t assholes, but then last week we ate at Whataburger and my sandwich had onions and mustard on it even thoughContinue reading "There are four kinds of people"
So two things: View this post on Instagram A post shared by Nowhere Bookshop (@nowherebookshop) And 2. Just in case you missed it (or put it off until later and forgot until now) for the next three days only we’re rereleasing our original limited edition Nowhere Bookshop shirts and hoodies (And yes, that’s mainly becauseContinue reading "Be warm. Avoid rug nipples."
One of my friends, Neil Pasricha, is good people. He’s one of those people who understands that sometimes I disappear for months when my brain goes dark but is there to talk for 90 minutes straight when it lights back up. He is one of the few people who can write genuinely happy things thatContinue reading "I’m grateful that I’ve never have to do a gratitude journal."
Today is Friday and that means I have videos for you, but also I’m sick so instead of inviting you into my office I’m inviting you onto the couch where I am currently cuddled up and I am spraying myself with lysol just for you. Luckily it’s not covid or the flu (GET YOUR BOOSTERS,Continue reading "It’s Friday and I’m cuddled up on the couch so come join me but wear a mask."
So last month my Fantastic Strangelings Book Club (CLICK HERE TO JOIN NOW) read Lute by Jennifer Thorne (or at least placed it on our TBR pile with very good intentions to treat ourselves to more reading time) and we talked murders during our online craft hour while I made nipple pasties for the cats.Continue reading "November is for reading"
Today is Halloween so that means I will be watching spooky movies in the background all day long as I work, which makes this pretty much exactly the same as every other day because every day is Halloween if you really want it to be. The real difference is that when Victor walks out ofContinue reading "What should I watch?"
It’s Friday so that means it’s time to step into my office so that I can share all the videos I’ve been saving for you (yes, you) this month. Ready? View this post on Instagram A post shared by Cat Lovers Family (@foreverkitties) View this post on Instagram A post shared by MEMES • DOGSContinue reading "It’s Friday. Step into my office."
If you’re a member of the Fantastic Strangelings Book Club then maybe last month you joined us for our online craft hour where I made a man (sort of) and taped myself to him (accidentally) and his arms kept falling off (embarrassingly)? Well it was so much fun that we decided to do again, so checkContinue reading "Nipple hats for cats."
If you are halloween-obsessed like I am you probably already know that Home Depot makes this 12 foot tall skeleton that always sells out immediately so when I saw that they opened up preorders a few months ago I immediately ordered one and then promptly forgot about it again until a 100 pound box wasContinue reading "Honestly, I’m surprised it’s taken me this long to get a 12 foot skeleton because shit like this is kind of made for me."
me: So apparently we’re supposed to stop thumbs-up emojying young people at work. Victor: I don’t even know what that means but it sounds like something I already don’t do. me: According to the internet Gen Z finds the thumbs up emoji passive-aggressive and hostile, but Gen X uses it all the time because theyContinue reading "I’m too uncool to know which thumbs-up emoji is uncool so someone help me."
This month the Fantastic Strangelings Book Club is reading Lute by Jennifer Thorne and it is just the haunting, atmospheric folk horror weirdness you need for October. It’s about love, duty and community and it’s a bit like Wicker Man mixed with Midsommar and Final Destination. Want more details? On the idyllic island of Lute,Continue reading "Need something creepy to read? I’VE GOT YOU COVERED."
If you’ve been around long enough you know that I’ve been building a haunted dollhouse for the last 19 years and it’s still not done because I have ADD and don’t have the ability to finish a project. Today I added a ghost to the house but I can’t tell where I should put herContinue reading "My real house is a mess but my haunted house is…well, it’s actually a mess too."
So every single fucking year Victor insists that I have not bought him an ice cream cake even though I TOTALLY HAVE and it’s sort of a running joke because he insists that “It’s all I’ve ever asked for” while looking off into the distance like a wounded puppy, but then on his actual birthdayContinue reading "Happy birthday, Victor."
If you’re anything like me, you probably follow several influencers whose homes are so instagram worthy that they can barely contain all of the rose-gold accessories (called “elements” for some reason) and natural light and clean spaces filled with tiny bowls that must be glued to the counter to keep the cats from fucking withContinue reading "Honestly, I’m just excited for the weirdos who will one day discover our house during the strangest estate sale ever."
I honestly thought being an indie bookshop proprietress would be a pretty tame sort job but turns out I was totally wrong as this week we ended up involved in an ongoing banned book issue that makes me both sad for Texas and even more focused on staying here and fighting the good fight. YouContinue reading "Those damned drug-addicted reading trains are at it again."
I often write notes to myself at 3am that I think are pretty brilliant at the time and then the next morning I read these same notes which seem to be from some sort of psychopath, but I thought I’d share the one I found on my nightstand this morning: Why do the words “whose”Continue reading "3 o’clock in the morning me has a point. But I’m not sure what it is."
Victor just yelled at me for sleeping on the floor in the sunbeam with Ferris Mewler in the middle of the day because “Don’t you have a job?” or something crazy like that, and I explained that it’s important to share your son’s interests so that they don’t start doing drugs or vaping, and thenContinue reading "Don’t yell at me for being a good mother."
So last week Aedan and I built the Halloween windows for Nowhere Bookshop, and the floating candles made of papertowel rolls looked fantastic but we also tried to make a ghost out of chicken wire and after several hours we had scratches all over us, a new appreciation for why people wear gloves, and aContinue reading "Bitch, it’s Halloween Eve. LET US HAVE THIS."
It’s September and that means I have a list of wonderful books you should read, including this month’s Fantastic Strangeling Book Club pick, The Fortunes of Jaded Women by Carolyn Huynh. It was exactly the zany, dramatic, messy, hopeful tale that I needed and it had me hooked from the very first line: “Everyone in Orange County’sContinue reading "Books? Books."
For the last few months I’ve been screenshotting some of the most bizarre phrases that show up on my twitter trending page because I often wonder if everyone gets the same stuff or if my algorithm has decided to fuck with me. A few baffling favorites: Is it just me?
I’ve been feeling slightly more scattered than normal for the past few months. Exhausted, forgetful, emotional. I went to see the doctor recently and after a ton of tests he was like, “Beats me, lady” so I went to an Ob/Gyn because a friend said it sounded like perimenopause and my Ob/Gyn was like, “YourContinue reading "Missing: one brain"
This week I had my first ever bone density scan and that was nice except that the tech printed the results out for me and it’s just a bunch of pictures of my vagina? Like, just how breakable is my vagina? I didn’t even know this was a concern. Also, it says I’m part android:Continue reading "UPDATED: THIS IS probably NOT MY VAGINA, TWITTER. (Previously entitled: Welcome to my android vagina)"
I’ve been gone all week because of a series of small but exhausting crisises (crises?) including Hailey giving themselves a concussion after falling into a pole from laughing too hard (which is every bit of proof I need that they are my child.) Their cat scan came back normal (whoop!) and so now they areContinue reading "Where have I been?"
Today is Hailey’s first day of their senior year so we went outside to take our annual photo and I got a bit teary when I told Hailey that this will probably be my last time taking a first-day-of-school photo. The look on their face when I said that was of excitement, and wonder andContinue reading "The end of the beginning. The beginning of the rest."