Reel Filthy: Recent Episodes
Harry and Gary
Do you like movies? Do you like listening to a pair of clueless dickheads talking at length about them? On a semi regular basis, Gary and Harry will be right here giving you your weekly movie reviews and news, along with other nonsense film related series we come up with, but give it a listen to find out eh? JUST BLOODY DO IT ALRIGHT MATE!
A Top Gear script where they are at the beach. Jeremy keeps putting sand down his own shorts, May has been buried and the tide is coming in, Hammond is walking around the beach making kissy noises to the seagulls
Jeremy: Oh, look at that lovely sand. I'm just going to put a little bit down my shorts.
May: What are you doing?
Jeremy: Making myself more comfortable.
May: You're going to get sand everywhere.
Jeremy: It's fine, it'll just add to the atmosphere.
Hammond: I say, look at those seagulls. Aren't they marvelous creatures?
May: Oh, for goodness sake.
Hammond: What?
May: You're making kissy noises at them.
Hammond: So? They're lovely birds.
May: They're also scavengers that will shit on you if you get too close.
Hammond: Oh, I see. Well, I'll just keep my distance, then.
Suddenly, the tide starts to come in.
May: Oh no, the tide! We're going to get wet!
Jeremy: Quick, bury me in the sand!
May: What?
Jeremy: I don't want to get my shorts wet. Bury me in the sand!
May: Okay, okay. Help me dig a hole
Hammond: I'll keep watch for the seagulls.
After a few minutes of digging, May has managed to bury Jeremy in the sand.
Jeremy: That's perfect. Now just make sure the hole is big enough for me to breathe.
May: It is, it is.
Jeremy: Great. I'm going to take a little nap now.
May: But what about the tide?
Jeremy: I'll be fine. Just make sure to wake me up when it starts to recede.
May: Okay.
Hammond: Seagulls approaching!
May: Oh no, they are!
Hammond: Quick, give me your sandwich!
May: What?
Hammond: They're going to steal it if you don't!
May: Okay, okay.
Hammond: Phew, that was close.
May: Now what am I supposed to eat?
Hammond: There's plenty of food back at the car.
May: I guess so.
Suddenly, Jeremy starts to stir.
Jeremy: What's going on?
May: The tide is coming in, we have to go!
Jeremy: Oh god, I'm stuck!
May: Hang on, I'll help you.
May tries to help but falls into the hole with Jeremy.
Jeremy: Now we're both stuck!
May: This is not good.
Hammond: Hang on, I'll go get help!
Jeremy: No, don't leave us here!
Hammond makes kissy noises and his seagulls arrive to help him.
Hammond: They've got us! We're saved!
May: What?
Hammond: These seagulls are going to carry us to safety!
Jeremy: I don't think that's a good idea.
Hammond: Trust me, it'll be fine!
The seagulls start to carry them away but then drop them into the water.
May: Oh no!
Jeremy: I told you this was a bad idea!
Hammond: Hang on, they're coming back for us!
The seagulls manage to pick them up and carry them to safety.
May: That was a close one.
Jeremy: I think I'm going to need a new pair of shorts.
Gary : Wow. 8 episodes, £0 ad revenue, and you saved James Price's career.
Harry : I couldn't have done it without you.
Gary : Really?
Harry : No, dickhead. Of course I could. A nutless monkey could do your job. Now, go get drunk and take credit at all the parties.
Gary : I wouldn't do that.
Harry : Ah... joking.
Gary : Ah, there he is! Funny. You're a funny guy.
Harry : Yeah. But seriously, a nutless monkey could do your job.
Tom Cruise. WHo is he? this episode is devoted to his wonderful splender. praise him praise him praise him. Also we talk about Everything Everywhere All At Once
I am here to finally give Alexander Skarsgard some credit, he done a cracking job as a grunting bear man for real. I don't forgive him for Mute, but he's on his redemption arc I reckon. Also Harry has had important uni shit on so it's been a minute, I reckon you go see The Northman if it's still out and if you haven't seen it then what you playing at mate? Original filme is bombing like fuck
Morbius? More like Less-bius please. It's time for the Morbius review. This one hurt more than that time I tried to jump up on a big step and missed and scraped all of the skin off the front of my shin but I was tough about it and didn't sob in the car all the way home from the lake district and ruin everyone's easter weekend. As usual we have thoughts about this. The movie I mean, we have already established that no one's easter weekend was ruined actually dad. Though it will be if you see Morbius.
Well there isn't much need for a description for this Oscars episode is there? You've all either been reading or talking about that thing, but we give our fresh take as well as Harry voicing his concerns for Little Cooks well being after a long week doing uni assignments. So congrats to the winners and here's the full transcript of Joe Pesci's Oscar speech for winning Best Supporting Actor in 1991 with Goodfellas:
"It was my privilege, thank you".
Desperate times call for desperate measures, so losing soccer coach Gordon McCloud (Robert Duvall) accepts the signing of Jackie McQuillan (Ally McCoist), a player with undeniable talent but a reputation as a team-killer. The team needs a player of star quality, or it may have to relocate from their tiny town to a larger market. Furthermore, McQuillan happens to be the coach's son-in-law, and McCloud hasn't exactly enjoyed the most harmonious relationship with his daughter. Also Michael Keaton is in it for a few scenes.
Gary and Harry are back again talking in the third person and digging out the Sack Of Crap (TM), this time finding a Scottish Football movie with Rangers legend Ally McCoist playing a former Celtic player. Is it a disaster, or was it more of a charming romp than we expected.
The Batman with R-Bats dropped and it's a real doozy let me tell you. Also Obi Wan plays Jesus in a new Disney Plus series?! We talk about both at length, give it a listen please.
On a side note, we're done talking about Papa Snyder for an extended period. This is a new era for Reel Filthy, we're turning over a new leaf. Listen he's an alright director, 300 is pretty good and I do like Man of Steel contrary to popular belief, but the constant whinging online about bring back the Snyder Verse NEEDS TO STOP. The Snyder Cut was enough, alright fellas?! Let's just give it a by now, get on with our lives. Ben Affleck isn't arsed about playing Batman anymore, he's enjoying donuts and it's also probably in part due to nutters like yourself, aye you. Folk that just won't stop crying to the online masses that neither listen nor care. This is the Matt Reeves era baby.
HANNA: You know I have this recurring dream. I’m sitting at this big banquet table and all the victims of all the murders I ever worked are sitting at this table and they’re staring at me with these black eyeballs because they got 8-ball hemorrhages from the head wounds. And there they are, these big balloon people, because I found them two weeks after they’ve been under the bed. The neighbors reported the smell. And there they are, all of ’em, just sitting there.
NEIL: Whadda they say?
HANNA: Nothing.
NEIL: No talk?
HANNA: No. Just… they don’t have anything to say. They just look at each other. They look at me. And that’s it, that’s the dream. (snaps fingers)
NEIL: I have one where I’m drowning. And I gotta wake myself up and start breathing or I’ll die in my sleep.
HANNA: You know what that’s about?
NEIL: Yeah. Havin’ enough time.
HANNA: Enough time? To do what you wanna do?
NEIL: That’s right.
HANNA: You doin’ it now?
NEIL: Nah, not yet.
Harry's slander of Michael Mann knows no bounds as he works our illustrious guests into an all time shoot in the return of Reel Filthy. Baby we are well and truly back and in glorious video format! For this one anyway at least. It called for it having Paul Morris, debut director of Glasgow Film Festivals heavy hitter "Angry Young Men", and Springburn Scorcese, James Price on the show after all.
We discuss their recent big moves such as Pricey getting Glasgow film legend Peter Mullan in his own Glasgow Film Fest project, "Skint", along with an apology to Ridley Scott and why George of the Jungle should be in your Top 5.
The boys are aback in town AND THIS TIME THEY ARE TALKING ALL THINGS PISS AND THE ROCK. The Reel filthy podacast is back to discuss all things crap and good. We've ditched the faff and Gary has grown a mullet down to his shoulder pads. It's good to be back