5 Minute Meditations: Recent Episodes
Kim Roberts | Tools for Evolution
Guided meditations, tools to develop a daily practice + tips to deepen your meditation, in 5 minutes a day.
December is a great time to consider a New Year writing practice. Looking back on the year that’s about to end, you may start to wonder what you want to invite into your life at the new year.
Want to dive into a 5 Day End-of-Year Journaling Challenge? Click here to find out more.There is something about a New Year that makes us take stock of our lives. Make resolutions if you want, but what if you just decided to accept that you are fine as you are? Rather than making a big promise to change, I prefer to take a moment to pause and reflect and do this simple writing exercise on New Year’s Day. It’s a great exercise to help you get clarity on where you’ve been, and where you want to go.
Keeping a journal is such a powerful practice. So powerful that the Harvard Business Review recognized journaling as a valid way to heal trauma.
Before you can manifest your dreams and goals for the new year, you have to identify them. You don’t have to know HOW you will manifest them, you only have to know what your heart wants. Once you identify that with clarity, the universe will find strange and surprising ways to support you in realizing your dreams.
New Year Writing Practice:Step 1Block out an hour or 2 to do this. Do a 15-30 minute free write on everything that comes to mind about 2022. Ask yourself:
- What were the highlights?
- What didn't work out so well?
- What was downright painful that I'd like to change?
- What was heavenly that I want more of?
Don't filter, screen, manipulate or ignore what comes to mind. Don't show this to anyone! It is for your eyes only. That way you'll be sure to be 100% honest. Get down on paper the truth about what happened for you over the past year, so you know what you're working with.
Step 2Go back and highlight, underline, or circle the moments or insights that feel "charged." Charged means there is energy when you read it, either in a positive or negative sense. When there is a charge around that topic, then highlight it. Make a list of these moments on a new piece of paper.
Step 3Now go through that list, identify what your hopes or intentions were in these situations and categorize each item. Whether a thing worked out well or didn't, check in with yourself to find out how important that thing is to you. Then, either rate it as something that stays on your list of aspirations for this year, or that you will let go.
Step 4For the items that didn't work out so well but that you want to keep, outline 2-3 ways you could approach your goal with fresh insight. For things that continue to work, and that you want to keep, are there ways to keep evolution inspired? Hint: you can do free writes for each of these questions.
Step 5Ask yourself this question for each situation: What do I want? Write your list of aspirations for 2025. You don't have to know how you're going to manifest these things. All you need to know is what you want to manifest. Once you identify precisely and in detail what it is you'd like, your subconscious starts acting on your behalf. It acts on your behalf when you give it negative messages as well, so be careful what story you tell yourself! But here is the most important part:
Write the list in the present tense, as if you are already living the reality!It's a bit sneaky. You're tricking your neurons into believing you.
Then let them goOne thing I should note on this process: It's important not to talk about it too much. Don't fritter away the energy of something that is important to you by chatting idly about it with those who may or may not care. Conserve your energy to put it to use towards manifesting your heart's wishes. In other words, keep your attention on the present moment.
Keep it simpleSometimes I think we make things way too complicated. There is wisdom inside us, if we simply listen. This exercise is not about making a Santa list of things you want and then sitting back and waiting for your gifts to come showering down - this is deeper than the "law of attraction" theory. This is more about aligning with your true heart’s desires, which are reflections of your divine spark’s presence. Ego may trick you into believing you want certain things that don’t align with your inner wisdom. These things may or may not show up, but they probably won’t make you happy in the long run. Your heart desire will make you happy, so you are looking for the heart connection as you do this exercise.
This exercise allows you the choice to change course, let go and allow your deeper wisdom to show you the way to your heart's true desire.
What Is Your Heart’s Desire for 2025?Once you finish this journaling exercise, write down no more than 5 priority issues you want resolution on, and what you would like. Keep the language simple and actionable. Make it specific, focused and directed.
Put the list in an envelope and seal it. Write on the envelope, to be opened Jan 1 2026. Put it somewhere safe and then forget about it. Seriously. Don't try to do what you wrote on the list. Just forget about it.
Next year, open the envelope on New Year’s Day and feel the magic.
Want to go deeper with more journaling exercises? Click here to join the 5 Day End of Year Journaling Challenge
Confronting change almost always means navigating challenging emotions. Even the most exciting changes in our lives can bring anxiety. I’d say change is synonymous with anxiety - because any time we step out of our old routines, we have to develop new ones. And that means stepping out of our comfort zone into the unknown.
When change knocks at your door, knowing how to rest in a state of calm can be a huge skill to have. That way, whatever new feelings and emotions arise, you can rest in a state of calm abiding while the storms - even the welcome rainstorms - pass.
In this guided practice, I share a quick way to settle into a state of calm, and to identify any emotions that may want your attention. When you listen to your emotions, you learn where your work lies in adapting to the changes ahead.
Bonus: Guided Meditation + Journaling Prompt for Managing EmotionsAt the end of this sixteen minute practice I share a writing prompt you can use to explore any emotions that may want attention.. Or you can simply listen to the guided yoga nidra practice without the emotional journaling prompt.
Listen Here Want more tools for working with emotions? Click here for your free guide
Navigating the holidays with cheer can be a challenge for some.
If you want to make the holidays full of cheer for yourself and your loved ones, make self-care a priority. All it takes is a simple plan to develop certain habits--and let go of habits that sabotage your wellbeing.
The first step in knowing how to take care of yourself is to learn to identify when you start going off track. The body will tell you this information if you listen. But it’s like learning a new language for many of us who have spent years ignoring the messages our bodies are telling us.
Here are 12 ways to take care of yourself during the holiday season:1. Listen to your body.The body does not lie--and it will speak up in its own language when you need to pay attention to something. Place your hand too close to the fire and you will get an immediate --and loud--message. Some messages are more subtle and harder to read. The more in tune you are with your physical body, the easier it becomes to read these signs.
2. Eat what nourishes you.Research clearly shows that eating well is our best defense against illness, and best support for wellbeing. Go for fresh, locally sourced produce grown without pesticides or chemicals, reduce sugar and unhealthy cooking oils, avoid foods that contain preservatives. Admittedly, this can be hard when celebrating the holidays. If declining your family traditions seems too overwhelming, offer to contribute a few simple dishes to the menu to make it easy to succeed. If you don’t have a back up plan, it can be too easy to go for foods—and habits— that make you feel disempowered. Taking care of yourself means planning ahead.
3. Be aware of environmental toxins.Are you setting yourself up for failure? Toxicity can take many forms: the old family dynamics that you KNOW will happen when certain environmental toxins are present. If you know talking about politics will end up in a screaming match, then make a plan to leave the room, or change the subject if it arises. There are toxic relationships and communities, or perhaps you speak to yourself in toxic ways when around family. You ingest toxins when you don’t pay attention to what you eat, or indulge in drugs or alcohol. This is usually a simple fix with moderation, but habitual patterns can easily override healthy choices. Taking care of yourself means eliminating or reducing toxins from your body, environment, relationships and emotional state.
4. Get regular exercise.There are so many studies linking good health to regular exercise that most of us are pretty aware we need to move regularly if we want to practice self care. It can be hard to maintain your usual routine during holidays, so go easy on yourself. Just get in a routine that feels manageable --not too hard, not too soft-- and stick with it. Bonus points if you get outdoors to reconnect with nature as you exercise.
5. Prioritize sleep.This is such an easy and quick way to introduce self care on a profound level. It’s amazing more of us don’t do this. Notice I didn’t say: get enough sleep. Most of us can function on less-than optimal sleep, and convince ourselves that we are getting enough shut-eye. But to prioritize sleep, we start looking at all the ways we sabotage our rest cycle through stimulants, computer screens late at night, unresolved emotional issues, taking on too much and generally not being aware of our natural rhythms. Try making sleep your #1 priority and see how your attitude shifts.
6. Nourish your healthy relationships + set boundaries with unhealthy ones.We pick up habits from the people we spend time with. In general, it is important to carefully choose the people you spend the most time with. If you hang out with a gang, you’ll eventually become a gangster. This may be the biggest reason why holidays can be challenging for many—how do you keep a positive attitude when Uncle Osborne is such a grouch? Make a commitment to be kind, no matter what, and to focus on the positive. If you need help, watch this video by Ekhart Tolle on how to stay present when with cranky people.
7. Speak kindly-especially to yourself.Speak kind, truthful words, and notice how your mind-set changes. Most of us spend a lot of time criticizing or judging our experience. Even the smallest incident can bring on a wave of negativity: you’re trying to get a new app to work on your phone and it is not cooperating so you swear at the damn thing (see?) Watch how you do this with family. The way you use speech creates energy patterns that infuse the body and send out signals into the environment. If you are constantly lashing out in criticism--even if it is only in your mind--you are germinating a toxic inner environment. Antidote: Breathe and smile. Or…
8. Chant an affirming mantra--out loud or silently.May I be well, May I be happy, May I let go of the past
Om mani padme hum
Or hum a song-it’s surprising how calming this is.
9. Manage stressors.Learn to say “no.” This benign little word can be very empowering. Get clear on what supports your wellbeing and what stresses you out. You might want to add “thank you.”
10. Learn to meditate.A daily meditation practice will do more for your self care than most anything else. When you take time each day to check in with yourself, you start to notice patterns. We can only change what we are aware of. Click here for an easy guided meditation you can do in 12 minutes.
11. Practice gratitude.Make a practice of recognizing the kindness others extend to you and share your appreciation with them. When you focus on positive qualities guess what you attract more of?
12. Breathe.Whenever you think of it, notice your breathing. It’s the most reliable way to quickly change your state of mind. If you find yourself getting worked up about something, take a few deep breaths, and observe the shift.
Set Your Intention to Navigate the Holidays with CheerIt can be hard to break habits, even when we know they are harming us. If you need help letting go of a toxic habit, ask your inner guide or your higher power for clarity or set an intention. Often it’s our thinking patterns that prevent our progress, so stepping outside of what we already know and asking for guidance can initiate new connections.
Change is the only constant. Our lives are made up of days; our days are made up of moments. Stay present in the moment is the best way to take care of yourself.
The first step in knowing how to take care of yourself is to learn to identify when you start going off track. The body will tell you this information if you listen. But it’s like learning a new language for many of us who have spent years ignoring the messages our bodies are telling us. Get a free daily self-care checklist here.
Self acceptance is key when developing the strength to stand behind our convictions. Here is a 12 minute meditation to help remind you of the importance of accepting yourself as you are, right now, despite any unresolved issues. That is powerful medicine!
Here is your guided meditation to develop self-love and acceptance:Meditation for Self-Love
Kim Roberts
When you’ve finished the meditation, try some of these journaling prompts. (If you need a refresher on the free-writing practice I recommend, click here)* How do I disrespect myself in subtle or not-so-subtle ways? * What does my inner critic want me to know? How can I respond with loving acceptance? Write a dialogue between the 2 voices. * What action or can I take to symbolize unconditional self-acceptance? * What criticism triggers me the most? How can I respond with confidence? * What new attitude might help me learn to accept myself as I am?
If you’d like more journaling prompts and guidance for developing self love, click here for a free guidebook.
When life gets confusing, it can be hard to make clear decisions. How do you know what the right direction is when you don’t have clarity?
Find Your Way When You're LostLife presents us with countless paths and directions to take. Sometimes these paths are clear and we know exactly where we're going. Other times, we feel completely lost, unsure of what our next move should be.
If you've ever found yourself in this position, you know how difficult it can be to make a decision. Without clarity, it's easy to second-guess yourself, doubt your abilities, and become paralyzed by the fear of making the wrong choice.
But there is help! There is a powerful tool that can help you find your way when you're feeling lost: grounding meditation.
What Is Grounding Meditation?Grounding meditation is a technique that focuses on connecting your body and mind with the earth and the present moment. It can help you feel more centered, balanced, and present with your thoughts and emotions.
During a grounding meditation, you might focus on your breath, visualize roots growing from your body into the earth, or settle back toward the back of the body (ever suddenly notice you are perched on the edge of your seat, leaning forward in an agitated posture of attack?) to help you feel more grounded and rooted. There are countless variations of grounding meditations, but they all share the same goal: to help you find your center and feel more connected to your experience in the present moment so you can make clear choices.
How Can Grounding Meditation Help When You're Feeling Lost?When you're feeling lost, it's easy to get caught up in your thoughts and emotions. Your mind might race with worries and anxieties about the future, or you might feel overwhelmed by the weight of your decisions. You may not know what to do.
Grounding meditation can be a powerful tool for breaking this cycle. By focusing on your body and your connection to the earth, you can shift your attention away from your thoughts and feelings and into the present moment. This can help you feel more calm, centered, and focused, making it easier to make clear decisions and take purposeful action.
How To Use Grounding Meditation In Your LifeIf you're feeling lost or unsure of your next steps, try incorporating grounding meditation into your daily routine. You might do a short meditation before making an important decision, or integrate it into your morning or evening routine to help you feel more grounded and centered throughout the day.
To get started with grounding meditation, find a quiet place where you won't be disturbed. Sit comfortably with your eyes closed and take a few deep breaths. As you breathe, feel the flow of breath as it circulates through the body. Stay present with the sensations, and let go of any thoughts that arise. Focus on your breath and your connection to the earth, and allow yourself to feel more centered and present in the moment.
With practice, grounding meditation can become a powerful tool for finding your way when you're feeling lost or unsure. By connecting with the body in the present moment, you can tap into a deeper sense of clarity, purpose, and direction, helping you navigate life's challenges with more ease and confidence.
Try this grounding 5 minute meditation: Want to experience more guided meditations? Join my monthly practice group: click here to learn more and join.
Working with difficult emotions is probably the one skill that will determine your happiness in life. It is so important to acknowledge our deep wounds and learn skills for working with difficult emotions if we want to move on from them. I've spent many years learning tools and practices to work with the emotional fallout of my parent's divorce when I was a child. Those tools saved me - helped me come to terms with the pain and confusion of difficult emotions.
The thing about emotions is that they are just a set of sensations. When you can experience intense emotion as simply bodily sensation, you can move it through the body to release it. So the most important practice you can do to work with difficult emotions is to learn to read--and tolerate--them in the body.
Staying with sensations Staying with the sensations is challenging, but imperative as the first step to being able to work with difficult emotions.
We store unresolved emotions in the body. These emotional memories keep re-enacting themselves as stories in our lives. These stories repeat themselves until we finally work through emotional residue. We essentially invite habitual scenarios into our life again and again until we learn our lesson. It can be incredibly humbling, and sometimes embarrassing.
We are all given a set of unique circumstances to work with in this life. The task: to remain steadfast on the journey and keep your heart open, to others and (maybe hardest of all for some of us) to yourself.
Change your storyWe are creating the story of our life as we live it. What is the story you tell yourself? If you change your story, your life will reflect the new story.
You may work hard to achieve noteworthy things, lead an interesting life, accomplish lots and be a good girl (or boy.) It's human nature to look for a functional fix that feeds you with worldly prizes. It can work in the short term and on the surface. But no matter how much we cover over core wounds, the deeper scar is always there, ready to burst open again with the perfectly aimed jab. A cutting remark, and angry tone, the wrong look, delivered at a vulnerable moment can set us off, and we may have no idea why.
What worked for me was learning to get in touch with my emotions by developing a daily practice of meditation, yoga and creative expression. Identifying difficult emotions as they arise give you the power when working with difficult emotions, instead of being "worked on" by them.
Once you are able to see clearly what is going on in an emotional moment, you put a bit of distance between you and the emotion. It's like being able to watch a rip-tide: if you are far away enough from it to identify it, there is not much chance of getting swept away in its deadly pull. The simple act of seeing it protects you from the danger of getting lost in it.
Working with emotions Working with emotions is a lifelong journey. Even though these tools do work to lessen the damage done by those triggers--I am living proof to those who have known me throughout this journey-- there are deep reservoirs of residue. I am still occasionally catapulted back into those depths, left to thrash about in a murky dark despair. It’s not that yoga and meditation practice will make life less intense. On the contrary, they might even make things more intense, but they also teach you how to tune your system so that it is more capable of tolerating the voltage of this intensity.
Here’s another thing. No matter how skilled I get in managing these difficult/painful emotions, (the turnaround time these days is measured in hours, rather than months or years) they never stop being painful. Pain is part of life. You can’t avoid it. What you can avoid is the layering of suffering you add on top. Sort of like adding insult to injury—you can skip the insult part.
Next time your inner demon--anxiety or depression for example-- rears its ugly head, try this emergency repair kit to gently guide yourself back from the abyss.
Emergency tool kit for working with difficult emotions:1. Stop everything. Don’t act. Sit with it and see if it can be tolerated.
2. Breathe and connect to your body. Walk in the woods if possible. Get on your yoga mat.
3. Express yourself –writing is what works for me. Just purge on the page and get it all out. No one has to read it, so be as immature and whiny--or as mean and embittered--as you want. If you are lucky enough to have a good and trustworthy friend to do this with, go for it.
4. Connect—call close friends, even if you don’t necessarily talk about what’s going on. Spend time with your community. Sometimes just being with others can shift the energy.
5. Take care of your body and mind. Be kind to yourself. Tend to your physical body and environment. Eat good food. Take a bath. If you have to go somewhere to feel more protected and nurtured for a while, do it. A retreat in nature can do wonders to shift a state of mind. Click here to discover a library of guided meditations to help you settle the nervous system and calm the mind.
6. Know your limits, and when to ask for help. We all need help from time to time, and a professional coach or counselor can often show us things we may miss.
Working with difficult emotions is a life-long journey. Developing the skills to manage the storms as they arise is the key to emotional balance and stability.
Need help working through your own emotional storm?Check out this free tool to help you work with anxiety.
Contemplative practices such as yoga and sitting meditation help settle the body, steady the breath and calm the mind to establish harmony and a ground of sanity. When you attend a yoga or meditation retreat, you sign up to learn specific practices or techniques, but you may not get a context for how to apply these practices to your daily life. A good wellness retreat will address not only practices, but also a vision for how to make life changes for better overall health and wellbeing. Here are 8 benefits of a wellness retreat. Could you benefit from one?
Wellness is a state of good health, on many levels, starting with physically, spiritually and mentally.When life gets hectic, it’s easy to fall into bad habits as we try to maintain a sense of grounded-ness. But often this has the opposite effect: we get stressed so may drink too much coffee, or binge on sugar in an attempt to self-medicate, which makes our mind more agitated. The universe responds to a calm state of mind more readily that it does to an eager, frantic one. So sometimes in order to step out of a negative cycle, we need to retreat and get back on track with what we know is good for us.
Relaxing is the key to doing anything well. The reason? When you are relaxed, you become fully present. Being fully present is the key to manifesting whatever you choose. When you take time out for a wellness retreat, you learn practices that train you to relax deeply.
A wellness retreat aims to engender a state of good health: physically, spiritually and mentally.One very effective way to keep your wellness in check, is by scheduling a wellness retreat that works for you on all levels.
A robust wellness retreat addresses the whole human package. Emphasis is on going deeper into the whole being–including the psychological process–which gives clarity when making life choices. You will learn to access inner wisdom through mindfulness and awareness. A quality wellness program will give you tools and daily practices to facilitate dialogue with this deeper wisdom current so that it becomes part of your daily life.
8 Benefits of a wellness retreat:1. Taking time to listen to your body and hear its messages 2. Learn mindfulness practices to settle the mind into a state of peace 3. Process emotional or psychological issues that feel unfinished or that need a decision 4. Talk through what’s bothering you and work through a dilemma through using creative process or dialogue 5. Be a part of a supportive community and forge new friendships 6. Take time away from daily life to view things from a new perspective 7. Spend time in nature 8. Healing, rest and relaxation
Who could benefit from a wellness program?* Seasoned meditators who want a more embodied practice and daily yoga routine to support meditation * Yoga teachers and practitioners who want tools for their classes, inspiration for their students and refinement for their own practice * Creatives who feed off of community and inspiration, who want to incorporate a meditation practice into their creative process * Anyone who needs support going through life transition or help making a major decision or wants help creating a new life path
Ready to schedule a wellness retreat?Start here with your own at-home journaling retreat.
In the midst of our fast-paced lives, it's essential to find moments of stillness and calm. Today, we invite you to embark on a journey of self-discovery and emotional well-being through a guided meditation titled "Let It Be." This meditation aims to help you cultivate a sense of inner peace by learning to allow your emotions to be as they are without triggering a state of nervous system arousal or distress. Let's explore the power of embracing emotions and finding tranquility within.
The power of allowing emotionsLife is a heady mix of emotions. Happiness, sadness, joy, anger, and everything in between—we experience a wide range of feelings throughout our journey. It’s easy to become entangled in our emotions, allowing them to overwhelm and disrupt our inner balance. The practice of "letting it be" involves observing our emotions without judgment or resistance, creating space for acceptance and inner calm.
Guided Meditation: Let It Be1. Find a Quiet Space: Choose a comfortable, quiet space where you can sit or lie down without distractions. Close your eyes and take a few deep, calming breaths. 2. Body Awareness: Gently scan your body from head to toe, noticing any areas of tension or discomfort. With each breath, allow yourself to relax and let go of any physical tension you may be holding. 3. Emotional Awareness: Shift your attention to your emotions. Notice any feelings or sensations arising within you. Allow yourself to simply observe these emotions without trying to change or suppress them. 4. Letting It Be: As you continue breathing deeply, silently repeat the mantra "let it be." Embrace a mindset of acceptance and non-judgment toward your emotions. Allow them to exist without attaching any significance or story to them. 5. Breathing Through Emotions: Focus on your breath as an anchor. With each inhale, imagine drawing in calmness and peace. With each exhale, visualize releasing any tension or resistance associated with your emotions. 6. Non-Reactivity: Practice non-reactivity by allowing emotions to come and go, like passing clouds in the sky. Remind yourself that emotions are temporary experiences and that you possess the inner strength to navigate through them. 7. Cultivating Compassion: Extend compassion and kindness to yourself as you navigate your emotions. Treat yourself with gentleness and understanding, acknowledging that it's okay to feel what you feel. 8. Gratitude and Closure: Take a moment to express gratitude for this opportunity to cultivate inner calm and emotional well-being. When you are ready, slowly open your eyes and reorient yourself to the present moment.
Listen to a Guided Meditation to “Let It Be“ Here: By practicing this guided meditation, you are embracing the power of allowing emotions to simply be. By observing your emotions without judgment or resistance, you can create a space for calm and peace within yourself. Remember, emotions are a natural part of being human, and through acceptance and non-reactivity, you can find serenity even amidst the stormiest emotional waves.
As you continue to explore this practice, may it become a valuable tool in your journey towards emotional well-being and inner peace.
Want more tools for managing difficult emotions? Learn more in the private membership community here!
If you’ve ever sat on the beach with a pen in hand, a blank book open on your lap as you watch the breeze catch the waves, then you know the power of journaling.
I discovered this firsthand when I was eleven years old, and took my first journal —with unicorns on the cover—to the white sand beach in Florida where my grandmother lived.
Journaling Can Change Your LifeI’m constantly amazed at the transformative power of journaling and how it can lead us to discover our life's true purpose., Finding clarity amidst the noise can be challenging, but in order to discover our life’s purpose we need to develop the ability to listen - our heart’s desire lives in a quiet place in our heart. Journaling offers a profound way to connect with ourselves and uncover the path to a heart-centered, purpose filled life.
Journaling to Discover Your Life's PurposeJournaling is more than just putting pen to paper; it's a practice that encourages self-reflection, mindfulness, and intentionality. By consistently engaging in this process, we open doors to self-discovery and gain invaluable insights into our dreams, passions, and aspirations. Here are five tips to help you get started with the practice of journaling and embark on the journey to discovering your life's purpose:
- Set Aside Time for Daily Journaling
Begin by getting yourself a beautiful journal and dedicating a few minutes each day to journaling. Choose a time that works best for you, whether it's in the morning to set intentions for the day ahead or in the evening to reflect on your experiences. Consistency is key, so make it a habit to show up for yourself regularly. - Create a Judgment-Free Zone
When journaling, embrace a judgment-free zone. Let your thoughts flow freely without self-censorship or criticism. There's no right or wrong way to journal – it's your personal canvas to explore your thoughts and feelings honestly. Here are my basic guidelines for journaling practice. - Dive Deep into Self-Reflection
Use journaling as a space to ask yourself meaningful questions. Explore your passions, values, and longings. Reflect on past experiences, identifying moments that brought you joy and fulfillment. By delving into your inner world, you'll uncover patterns that may lead you closer to your life's purpose. If you need some help, check out these journaling prompts. - Visualize Your Ideal Life
Let your imagination soar as you visualize your ideal life. Describe it in vivid detail within your journal. Envision a life aligned with your passions and values, and record the emotions you feel during this exercise. Visualizations can be powerful tools to manifest your aspirations. - Set Purposeful Goals
Journaling can help you set actionable goals that align with your life's purpose. Break down your vision into smaller, achievable steps. As you make progress, document your accomplishments, setbacks, and the lessons learned. Celebrate the journey as much as the destination.
Journaling for LifeCongratulations on taking the first step toward discovering your life's purpose through journaling. Remember, this is an evolving process, and there's no rush to find all the answers at once. Embrace the journey with an open heart and a curious mind. Journaling has the power to connect you to your true self, unveil your passions, and guide you towards a life filled with purpose and fulfillment.
Take the time each day to reflect, set intentions, and envision the life you want. Allow your journal to be a space of exploration, growth, and self-compassion. I wish you peace on your journey to unlock the potential within and find the purpose that lights up your heart.
Happy journaling!
Learning to manage anxiety has never been more important. I read somewhere recently that Google searches for anxiety relief were up 800%. It’s clear that many of us struggle with mental health and emotional wellbeing.
Add to that the daily drama of world politics, wars, your family dynamics, economic uncertainty, fears of your future and how to get dinner on the table every night, and you’ve got one potent, anxious mix.
I’m not suggesting that anxiety will go away with these activities - or even that it should. Anxiety occurs when we lean into change. It is a necessary component of growth. But you can mitigate the effects of anxiety by paying attention to what you can reasonably tolerate, and learning to titrate your experience.
Here Are 20 Ways to Help You Manage Anxiety:1. Go take a hike! Find a lake in your neighborhood and go walk around it... Bonus points if you bring a friend. 2. Listen to an audio book...one that you would be too intimidated to tackle in hardback. 3. Better yet share a book with someone and take turns reading to each other, either live or on the phone. 4. Make a pot of herbal tea with calming herbs such as passionflower, hops, skullcap, camomile, lavender, lemon balm or kava kava. 5. Fill your house with plants! Nature heals ...so when you are cooped up inside, bring nature indoors. 6. Take your journal somewhere quiet with a view and write using these writing prompts. 7. Join or create a weekly or monthly online support group with 3 of your besties. 8. Offer to bring someone dinner - an elderly neighbor or stressed out mother. Generosity is one of the best ways to get out of our own drama. 9. Get a new cook book and learn 3 new recipes that will help you clean up your diet. Try going sugar free for a week. 10. Recommit to a daily meditation practice. Find a series of audio guided meditations (like these) that will renew your enthusiasm and help you go to a deeper level with your meditation. 11. Get on your bike. Ride to the park and bring your lunch. If it's cold bundle up like you are going skiing. 12. Brainstorm new ways to develop or even make a living using your creativity. Get a notebook designated only for this and make notes in it daily. 13. Keep a journal to download whatever emotional baggage you need to release. Make sure at the end of each entry you practice identifying at least one thing you are grateful for. 14. Keep in touch with old friends or renew old friendships. 15. Take naps! Make deep rest a part of your daily practice. Listen to this guided relaxation to help you get started. 16. Doodle or draw. Make a set of small blank cards by cutting up a piece of watercolor paper. Keep a stack of markers, colored pencils or water colors next to your desk. Get them out when you are on the phone or on a zoom call. Studies have shown that doodling actually helps increase our listening retention. 17. Create a sleep ritual. Set a bedtime and stick to it. Create a nightly routine that helps prepare the mind and body for sleep. Take a warm bath with soothing essential oils. Drink a cup of calming tea and put your dream journal on your nightstand so you can write down your dreams first thing when you wake up. Put your phone in the other room. 18. Listen to soothing music. Try a music app to discover new playlists and musical genres...like “music for sleep”, “binaural beats” or “Nepal meditations”. 19. Discover all the virtual art exhibits online these days. Make a weekly “artist date” with yourself. If you like original art, click here for a chance to win a free drawing each first Friday. 20. Watch an indie movie or an old classic….something from another era or culture, preferably without violence. I love Mubi.com these days. They upload a new movie each day. 21. Organize a closet or drawer and make a donation to the local homeless shelter.
Click here for more tools for managing difficult emotions:10 Daily Habits for Mental Health + Emotional Equilibrium.
If you've never seen a snowstorm roll in over the desert, you should try it sometime. It's an experience that might qualify as genuine happiness. In the habitual way of experiencing the world, we seek sensory enjoyment to induce a state of happiness.
What is genuine happiness? It's a quality of mind that is not dependent on external circumstances for its existence.
Why Is Temporary Pleasure Temporary?It reinforces our sense of self. The equation goes something like this:
- Chocolate cake exists (I know because I tasted it) 2. I like chocolate cake 3. Therefore, I also exist.
You're probably laughing (or rushing off the the bakery) now, but this is actually how ego functions. It create situations to "prove" its existence, so it can continue to pretend to make us happy. Ego is essentially our constructed image of ourselves; our false identity. Take away its cake, and ego gets very pouty.
This is essentially what we are doing when we sit down to meditate. We take away ego's cake. We are seeing through ego's game, like Toto discovering the Wizard of Oz behind the curtain. Ego puts on a really good show.
When you threaten to unveil the mechanism that runs the show, you risk consequences. Groundlessness, uncertainty, disappointment.
Genuine Happiness Is Not Dependent on External CircumstancesBut those consequences are actually the foundation of authentic presence. You finally get to experience who you really are--which is so much bigger than you could possibly imagine. Some of us are so scared of what we might find beyond ego's smoke and mirror show, that we allow ego's game to continue unchecked rather than risk seeing what's underneath. It's safer that way -- it's a known quantity. But when you start to glimpse your experience unadulterated, just a pure moment of peace or the thrill of a bear crossing your path, you start to get in touch with something beyond ego.
What Is The Difference Between Temporary Pleasure + True Happiness? | KimRoberts.Co
Something more primordial and essential to your nature.
You too can experience this, and you don't have to travel to the high desert plateau, or cavort with wild animals, or go anywhere for that matter. Though it does help to be surrounded by nature. You can experience this yourself simply by sitting down to watch your mind in sitting meditation. If you do this on a regular basis, and observe your mind with a certain degree of focus and discipline, I'm pretty sure you will start to experience moments of clarity and true happiness that transcend ego's command.
When you're not busy looking for answers you can just BE HERE.
Genuine Happiness Is a PracticeThere are no bells and whistles that accompany genuine happiness. It is something that I think has to be an ongoing work in progress. by work I mean practicingloving kindness, compassion, joy and equanimity and not expecting to be the way that you want them to be.
It's important to distinguish between temporary pleasure and genuine happiness so you don’t run after one thing and expect another kind of thing to happen in your life. Like putting a penny in a gumball machine and waiting for a winning lottery ticket. All you’re going to get is a gumball, and if you keep hoping that you’ll eventually get that winning ticket, you’ll waste a lot of time and pennies.
Temporary pleasure depends on conditions coming together, whereas genuine happiness is a state of well being that does not depend on anything external. It arises because you've tamed your mind to be still and present, so it doesn't get distracted by events in the phenomenal world. It's so tempting to believe that if we just get what we want, everything will be wonderful. You may sense that something is missing and if and when that illusive “something” comes along then you'll be really happy. But I think you know how that goes.
What's the difference between temporary pleasure and true happiness?It's the difference between two breaths. It's allying with the breath to bring the awareness back home and learning to rest there.
Want more tools for managing difficult emotions? Click here for your free guide:10 Daily Habits for Mental Health + Emotional Equilibrium.
True joy comes from wishing others well. It seems counter-intuitive, doesn't it? But as the Dalai Lama says,
“The three factors that seem to have the greatest influence on increasing our happiness are our ability to reframe our situation more positively, our ability to experience gratitude, and our choice to be kind and generous.”
Practicing empathetic joy means you take delight in sharing it with others. You recognize that joy cannot be hoarded, divided up, or stolen. Joy gets bigger when you share it. This is what gives it the "immeasurable" quality. And who doesn't need a bit more joy these days?
Reframe your situation positivelyIt can be tricky to stay positive in the face of so much world turmoil. You can make it a practice to experience, and share a joyful attitude. I know that may sound trite and Pollyanna-ish. But it doesn't have to be that way. Just notice when you start getting cranky, and see if you can intervene.
Empathetic joy is a wholesome attitude of rejoicing in the happiness and virtues of all sentient beings. This type of joy is different from worldly happiness in that you may not feel especially cheerful. It's more like a feeling of being content. It is the absence of struggle.
The Four ImmeasurablesEmpathetic joy the third of the four immeasurables. (I wrote earlier about developing the previous two immeasurable qualities that you can read here: loving kindness and compassion.)
It means relishing the good you see in the world, both in yourself and others. You feel happy when good fortune is bestowed on others. Empathetic joy is the experience of being happy for others' good news.
You see that this life is fleeting and ephemeral, and that you could actually appreciate your life more because of this. Eventually you will have to let go of everything. Why not focus on the simple joys of living in the present moment?
Practice GratitudeOne of the interesting features of living in Crestone, Colorado is the End of Life Project. Recently I attended the funeral of one our community members....an open air cremation. Ironically, this celebration of one man's death inspired joy.
What struck me during this event was that death is not the end of life, it is a part of life. Yes, our neighbor left his physical body. But his passing reminded all of us in attendance that we carry on the spark of life. More importantly, it reminded us of the preciousness of that spark. Someone remarked that death is not an event; it is a process. Be grateful for your life.
It's easy to feel overwhelmed when facing big obstacles. But what if I told you that your greatest obstacles can actually be your greatest gifts?
When you're in the midst of a mid-life transition, it's important to remember that you're not alone. Millions of women are facing the same challenges as you are. But here's how it works: your obstacles can lead you to develop skills, experience, and attitude that will not only help you overcome challenges but also make you a valuable resource for others going through the same struggles. So your obstacles actually transform you into a woman of wisdom and power.
Here Are 8 Essential Tools That Will Help You Navigate Your Mid-Life Transition:Prioritize Peace of Mind When faced with big changes, it's easy to get caught up in anxiety and stress. But it's important to remember that peace of mind is a choice. You can choose to focus on the positive aspects of change, and let go of the negative.
Question Your BeliefsMany of the things we believe are no longer true, or never were true in the first place. As we go through life, we tend to hold on to outdated beliefs without even realizing it. Questioning your beliefs is a key part of personal growth. It allows you to let go of what's no longer serving you and make room for new beliefs that will help you create the life you want.
Establish Boundaries + Healthy RelationshipsIt's important to establish boundaries with the people in your life so that you can create healthy relationships. This is especially important during times of change, when old patterns and dynamics may no longer be serving you.
Learn Yogic BreathingYoga breathing (pranayama) is an excellent tool for managing stress and anxiety. It helps to calm the nervous system and bring clarity to the mind.
Develop a Daily Meditation PracticeMeditation helps to quiet the mind and connect with our inner wisdom. When we meditate, we create space for stillness and peace amidst the chaos of change.
Establish a Creative PracticeCreative expression is a powerful way to process our emotions and connect with our authentic selves. When we express ourselves creatively, we open up new possibilities for who we can be in the world.
Identify Your Support Network: It's important to identify who in your life will support you during times of change. These are the people who will listen without judgement, offer helpful advice, and be there for you when you need them most.
Accept Your Aloneness One of the most challenging aspects of change is feeling alone in it. But it's important to remember that everyone experiences change differently, and there is no one right way to do it. Embrace your uniqueness and know that whatever you're feeling is okay . . . because it won't last forever."
Times of transition can be difficult, but they can also be incredibly transformative. By using these 8 essential tools, you can navigate your mid-life transition with grace and ease—and come out on the other side as a woman of wisdom and power.
Want more tools for healing + navigating a mid-life transition?Join the monthly practice group, embracing change here.
Do you want to develop your own at-home yoga practice?
Taking classes at a yoga studio can be a great way to learn a yoga practice. It’s really the best way to get the details about this transformational tool called yoga. A daily yoga practice can help to keep you healthy, grounded and positive.
But once you are familiar with how to do the practice, it can be extremely empowering to develop your own at-home practice. This is really where you get to confront yourself, and learn the deeper aspects of what yoga has to offer.
Some people are not comfortable practicing with a group of people— especially on the heels of the pandemic where it's still a bit confusing in some areas. Should we practice with other people or do our yoga at home? During the pandemic, online classes became popular. But without the guidance of an online class, it is still possible to do your yoga at home.
How to Establish in Your Own Daily Yoga Practice It can be really confusing to know where to start your own at-home yoga practice. But it's totally possible for you to start.
I recommend these three steps.
- Have a Plan
That means first, slotting it into your schedule.
Do you have a place in your home that you can do it? Aometimes this can be a tricky thing. I have a little apartment where I have to practice in the foyer because it's the only place with a hard floor. It’s not ideal, but it works for now. So you have to find a place where you can do your yoga practice.
Is there a place in your do you have a community center or someplace that's with a hard floor that is comfortable enough for you to do your practice? And then find a time of day. I like to practice first thing in the morning. That doesn't work for people but, slot it into your day.
Planning also means having a structure for your practice. Are you going to do the whole primary series of postures? Are you going to spend some time doing a breathing practice practice at the beginning or at the end of your practice? Will you add meditation to the end of your practice?
Some days I will add an extra long period of either pranayama or meditation at the end of the asana (postures) practice. But it's good to have a plan when you go into your practice, rather than making it up as you go along.
If you need guidance to create that plan, check out my book, Ashtanga Yoga for Beginner's Mind.
There's tons more to say about that, but that's the simple version: create a plan, slot it in your schedule, then decide what practice you're going to do.
- Keep It SimpleThis means above all keeping your mindset simple so that you stay focused on what you're doing. You're not getting up to answer the phone, or to do the laundry or clean up something that you notice in your environment. You keep it simple in that you're just doing your practice right here, right now, and you stay focused on that.
For the duration of the practice and whether you have set a timeframe for your practice or you just have a plan for how many postures you want to do you commit to making that happen. You do this to the best of your ability because the second part of this, keeping it simple, is also to stay flexible.
I have a regular daily practice that I do, which is a simplified primary series from the Ashtanga Yoga Vinyasa tradition. But some days I show up there and I have a little more energy than I thought I did, and so I'll do a little more.
Sometimes I have a little less energy than I thought I did. At this stage of life, things happen. Maybe I rode my bike too far the day before or went hiking and their soreness and certain postures are just not really working out that day. Be flexible with yourself as far as how your practice goes. Give it your best shot, and if it doesn't work out the way you hoped, just move on.
Let go of expectationsPractice doesn't always go as we planned. Sometimes circumstances - or the body - won’t cooperate.
Maybe you have an emergency and you need to quit the practice early. Maybe you finish your practice as planned, but it just doesn't feel as good as it did the first time you tried it. Maybe you're bored, or distracted, or it just doesn't go the way you planned.
When you let go of expectations, you're essentially practicing compassion for yourself. You're can say, “Oh today's practice didn't work out exactly as I had hoped— but I did it.” That's the bonus of letting go of expectations - when you show up for yourself by doing the practice, it doesn't really matter what the outcome is.
There's something empowering about following through on your word, committing to yourself and your own wellbeing.
- Give Thanks + Express GratitudeAt the end of your practice, you tap into compassion, a sense of kindness and peace, if you will. You experience it for yourself by not giving yourself a hard time if the practice didn't go the way we wanted, but also you can extend that compassion out to others.
You have committed to yourself and had the opportunity to experience peace and presence through doing your practice. And because. Now that you've restocked your stores of wellbeing, you can then share that with others.
So the last part of this process of developing your at-home yoga practice is to simply tap into the wish to share goodwill with others. There are many people in the world who don't have the opportunity to do a yoga practice. Maybe they don't have a home, so how can they do a yoga practice without a home? Or maybe they have chaotic home environments or are ill, or they just don't have the opportunity.
So we offer compassion to them. It's a way of giving thanks and giving back. Just think of it that way, and it's just a thought. You tap into that energy in your heart and you express it and share it with others.
May you be may your practice go well.
If you’d like help developing or deepening your own at-home yoga practice, check out my book ashtanga yoga for beginner’s mind, with step-by-step instructions to create your own ideal practice. Click here to get it now.
Sometime during my late thirties, it became painfully obvious that family life was not my path. While my girlfriends were busy starting families, I was increasingly obsessed with yoga. Until that point we had shared goals and dreams, but with no crumbs and spilled milk on the back seat of my car and no husband anywhere in sight, my life was taking a different direction from theirs.
I realized I needed a new map. I moved to South India for a year to study yoga and find my calling. In Mysore, I rented a big old house and a beat-up moped. Every morning at 5 am I saluted the sun and stood on my head. Every afternoon I hosted a wanton mix of students at my home for a class on yoga philosophy. I dodged cows and Tata trucks on my scooter and hung fresh garlands of jasmine over my doorway. Every evening, after meditation, I sat on my front step under the gently swaying palm trees and contemplated how bizarre, and how utterly right this choice had been.
Finding Peace in Unexpected PlacesI learned to relax that year. I became softer. I learned to breathe deeply and to keep a strict discipline. I finally learned to silence the constant self-doubt that was an heirloom from a chaotic childhood. I started to paint. I earned a teaching authorization that gave me confidence to pursue my passion further. Suddenly I could travel the world and make a decent living doing it.
When I stopped trying to fit myself into others’ versions of how I should my life, I relaxed profoundly. I followed my heart to what brings me happiness: yoga. And, while I was busy doing what I love, I found a community that shared my passion. I found my tribe. Rather than playing tag-a-long with my girlfriend’s families, I had created my own.
Fast forward a couple of decades, and the terrain looks quite a bit different! I’ve met the love of my life - ironically, during a global lock-down. I met him not during a yoga class, or at a meditation retreat, but at my art gallery. Life has a funny way of guiding us — it’s not what we expect. When we learn to get out of our own way - and stop struggling against what’s happening, then AND ONLY THEN, we evolve.
Navigating the Path of ChangePerhaps a spiritual journey is about making peace with your circumstances, even when life does not go the way you expect. Trying to follow someone else's path may frustrate you and prevent you from realizing your dreams.
To find your calling, you may need to let go of preconceived notions of what your life should look like.
Admittedly, this can be painful. I’ve learned that in order to respect myself, I need to honor my quirky choice of lifestyle and accept that some people may judge me. But that year in Mysore was one of the best years of my life and I developed a discipline there that has become an integral part of my life. And that awakening was the key to discovering happiness.
Let go of the life you planned to appreciate the life you have.When you let go of the life you think you should be living, you make room for the life that is searching for YOU!
Are you trying to follow someone else's path through life? Did you give up on your dreams at some point?
Want more tools for working with emotions? 20 journaling prompts for working with emotions is one of my favorite tools.Click here for your free guide: 20 Journaling Prompts for Working with Emotions.
You know when you are hiking through the woods, and suddenly the trail disappears? One minute you were on a clear path and had the confidence to proceed with total clarity. The next minute you feel stranded in the middle of nowhere, without a clue. Sometimes this happens in life too. So what do you do then?
Proceed With Total ClarityHere's a creative exercise that can help you discover new ways to work with a situation that feels stuck. It's fun to do, and amazingly accurate in helping you identify your next steps.
Essentially, it is our conceptual mind that gets in the way of us seeing how to proceed and deal with issues. Relying on intuition can sometimes help us get out of our own way and then solutions seem to magically appear. This exercise will help you tap into your intuition.
Try This Creative Exercise To Get Clarity (For When You've Lost Your Way) | KimRoberts.Co
Use this creative tool to proceed with total clarity.1. Write down your issue. It can be big or small.
Where do you feel lost? Identify your life's predicament or dilemma of the moment.
2. Get your camera and take 20-30 minutes and go Aimless Wandering.
This is a highly advanced form of practice that involved walking around with no idea where you are going. Don't plan, don't limit. Just go. You can do it in the park, in a shopping mall, the woods, your garden, you neighbors garden, or your house. (I don't recommend doing it in your neighbor's house, unless you have permission.) Just start wandering and stay present to your surroundings. When you come across images that spark your interest, take a photo. Note: don't try to "curate" nice photos. Take pictures of weird stuff that somehow feels significant, or ignites your curiosity.
3. Choose One Photo.
Find a place to sit quietly to do the next step of the exercise. Choose one photo. There's no right way to do this. You can repeat the exercise if you want. But for now, just choose one.
4. Describe the photo in three adjectives.
Don't think too much.
5. If you could change one thing in the photo, what would you change?
Make something up.
Here's the creative tool where your intuition comes into play...6. How is your predicament like your photo?
Again, make something up. Free write for 10-20 minutes, and imagine this image is a mirror for your life. Let your imagination guide you to new insights. Only a new perspective will allow you to proceed with total clarity.
7. How could you change your predicament in a similar way to the way you imagined changing the photo?
In my image above, I would have chosen to get rid of the buildings and replace them with trees. That might translate as looking to nature for ways to resolve your predicament: spending more time in nature, or looking for a "natural" solution. We're looking for metaphor here. If I had wanted to turn the lamp on, then the question might be: how can you add more lightness to your predicament. Once you make the metaphor, expand it and get detailed in order to get clarity. How could you add more lightness to the situation, or how could you fit in more time in nature?
Let your imagination go.8. Who would you be and how would you act if you were embodying the 3 adjectives you listed to describe the photo?
Sometimes knowing how to proceed with total clarity feels at first like shooting in the dark. You might have to write out a few different scenarios before something resonates. Feel your way into clarity, and let your intuition guide you. When looking for ways to proceed with clarity, intuitive guidance is much more reliable than your intellect.
Do another free write for this.We're not looking for logical conclusions. Sometimes the things you come up with might seem silly at first, but sit with them and see what evolves. When you allow your imagination free reign, sometimes new neural connections happen that might not have occurred to you otherwise.
Want more tools for working with emotions? 20 journaling prompts for working with emotions is one of my favorite tools.Click herefor your free guide: 20 Journaling Prompts for Working with Emotions.
Journaling practice is an excellent tool to identify influences that undermine inner harmony. Once you have this information, you start to recognize what upsets your equilibrium so you know where your work lies. To be clear, we are talking about handwriting practice: writing by hand.
Here's how writing practice works:Using specific prompts, you do what is called "free writing" which is essentially stream of consciousness writing with a specific intention.
There are 3 rules to free-writing practice:1. Write by hand, with pen and paper, NOT on the computer.
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Write without stopping or lifting your pen from the page - either for a fixed period of time, or a pre-determined number of pages.
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Don't censor or edit while you write. Let anything come out, even if it is gibberish. If you lose your train of thought or don't know what to write next, then write, "I don't know what to write and anyway this exercise is silly and I bla bla bla....." Eventually something will come and you will get back into the flow. The thinking mind will try to sabotage your subconscious, which is where all your juicy ideas are. Let it all out, knowing that this is FOR YOUR EYES ONLY.
You can use free-writing practice in different ways.* Use writing practice to "clear the decks" of your mind, wiping the slate clean after you've had an argument, for example, or when you need some inspiration to keep going. * Target different patterns and habits, all with the intent to release blockages to creativity. Ask open ended questions like, "How am I getting in my own way?" and see what comes out. * Incorporate this practice into your daily routine to encourage a more balanced and conscious approach to life. * Ask specific questions when you have choices to make and need clarity.
Here is your first prompt.Finish this sentence:If I knew I would not fail, I would... Write for 10 minutes without stopping and see what you get. You might surprise yourself.
Click here for 20 writing prompts to help you work with difficult situations.
Anxiety occurs when we feel unprepared for changes we perceive in our environment.
When so much change happens all at once, we may feel unsettled, anxious and unsure what to focus on next.You may find yourself:
- Struggling to keep up, but not sure what to keep up with
- Feeling anxious and uncertain
- Catatonic on the couch, not knowing what to do next
When we get overstimulated, the result can trigger anxiety.
What can you do to reduce anxiety?
If you’re feeling anxious, try this guided meditation for anxiety.
If you’ve ever sat on the beach with a pen in hand, a blank book open on your lap as you watch the breeze catch the waves, then you know the power of journaling.
I discovered this firsthand when I was eleven years old, and took my first journal —with unicorns on the cover—to the white sand beach in Florida where my grandmother lived.
Journaling Can Change Your LifeIn this blog post, we're exploring the transformative power of journaling and how it can lead us to discover our life's true purpose. In this fast-paced world, finding clarity amid the noise can be challenging, but our life’s purpose lives in a quiet place in our heart. Journaling offers a profound way to connect with ourselves and uncover the path to a heart-centered, purpose filled life.
Journaling to Discover Your Life's PurposeJournaling is more than just putting pen to paper; it's a practice that encourages self-reflection, mindfulness, and intentionality. By consistently engaging in this process, we open doors to self-discovery and gain invaluable insights into our dreams, passions, and aspirations. Here are five tips to help you get started with the practice of journaling and embark on the journey to discovering your life's purpose:
- Set Aside Time for Daily Journaling
Begin by getting yourself a beautiful journal and dedicating a few minutes each day to journaling. Choose a time that works best for you, whether it's in the morning to set intentions for the day ahead or in the evening to reflect on your experiences. Consistency is key, so make it a habit to show up for yourself regularly. - Create a Judgment-Free Zone
When journaling, embrace a judgment-free zone. Let your thoughts flow freely without self-censorship or criticism. There's no right or wrong way to journal – it's your personal canvas to explore your thoughts and feelings honestly. Here are my basic guidelines for journaling practice. - Dive Deep into Self-Reflection
Use journaling as a space to ask yourself meaningful questions. Explore your passions, values, and longings. Reflect on past experiences, identifying moments that brought you joy and fulfillment. By delving into your inner world, you'll uncover patterns that may lead you closer to your life's purpose. If you need some help, check out these journaling prompts. - Visualize Your Ideal Life
Let your imagination soar as you visualize your ideal life. Describe it in vivid detail within your journal. Envision a life aligned with your passions and values, and record the emotions you feel during this exercise. Visualizations can be powerful tools to manifest your aspirations. - Set Purposeful Goals
Journaling can help you set actionable goals that align with your life's purpose. Break down your vision into smaller, achievable steps. As you make progress, document your accomplishments, setbacks, and the lessons learned. Celebrate the journey as much as the destination.
Journaling for LifeCongratulations on taking the first step toward discovering your life's purpose through journaling. Remember, this is an evolving process, and there's no rush to find all the answers at once. Embrace the journey with an open heart and a curious mind. Journaling has the power to connect you to your true self, unveil your passions, and guide you towards a life filled with purpose and fulfillment.
Take the time each day to reflect, set intentions, and envision the life you want. Allow your journal to be a space of exploration, growth, and self-compassion. I wish you peace on your journey to unlock the potential within and find the purpose that lights up your heart.
Happy journaling!
By practicing the "Let It Be" guided meditation, you are embracing the power of allowing emotions to simply be. By observing your emotions without judgment or resistance, you can create a space for calm and peace within yourself. Remember, emotions are a natural part of being human, and through acceptance and non-reactivity, you can find serenity even amidst the stormiest emotional waves.
When life gets chaotic, it’s easy to spin out and feel overwhelmed.
The simple solution would be just to slow down, or stop what you are doing and take a rest.
The reality, managing overwhelm is sometimes challenging. When we reach a certain level of agitation, the body’s chemicals start to take over, and the simple solution might not work at this stage. We’ve gone into the act and react expression of the sympathetic nervous system.
This is when to bring out the more powerful medicine of rest and digest, by activating the parasympathetic nervous system.
Do you know how to settle your nervous system when you go into overwhelm? I'm sure I don't need to tell you why this is so important.
5 Steps to Settle Your Nervous System When You Get Overwhelmed. Want more tools to manage overwhelm, develop emotional resilience and a strong mental mindset?Join the community.
When life gets confusing, it can be hard to make clear decisions. How do you know what the right direction is when you don’t have clarity?
How To Find Your Way When You're Lost: The Power of Grounding MeditationLife can present us with countless paths and directions to take. Sometimes these paths are clear and we know exactly where we're going. Other times, we feel completely lost, unsure of what our next move should be.
If you've ever found yourself in this position, you know how difficult it can be to make a decision. Without clarity, it's easy to second-guess yourself, doubt your abilities, and become paralyzed by the fear of making the wrong choice.
But there is help! There is a powerful tool that can help you find your way when you're feeling lost: grounding meditation.
What Is Grounding Meditation?Grounding meditation is a technique that focuses on connecting your body and mind with the earth and the present moment. It can help you feel more centered, balanced, and present with your thoughts and emotions.
During a grounding meditation, you might focus on your breath, visualize roots growing from your body into the earth, or settle back toward the back of the body (ever suddenly notice you are perched on the edge of your seat, leaning forward in an agitated posture of attack?) to help you feel more grounded and rooted. There are countless variations of grounding meditations, but they all share the same goal: to help you find your center and feel more connected to your experience in the present moment so you can make clear choices.
How Can Grounding Meditation Help When You're Feeling Lost?When you're feeling lost, it's easy to get caught up in your thoughts and emotions. Your mind might race with worries and anxieties about the future, or you might feel overwhelmed by the weight of your decisions. You may not know what to do.
Grounding meditation can be a powerful tool for breaking this cycle. By focusing on your body and your connection to the earth, you can shift your attention away from your thoughts and feelings and into the present moment. This can help you feel more calm, centered, and focused, making it easier to make clear decisions and take purposeful action.
How To Use Grounding Meditation In Your LifeIf you're feeling lost or unsure of your next steps, try incorporating grounding meditation into your daily routine. You might do a short meditation before making an important decision, or integrate it into your morning or evening routine to help you feel more grounded and centered throughout the day.
To get started with grounding meditation, find a quiet place where you won't be disturbed. Sit comfortably with your eyes closed and take a few deep breaths. As you breathe, feel the flow of breath as it circulates through the body. Stay present with the sensations, and let go of any thoughts that arise. Focus on your breath and your connection to the earth, and allow yourself to feel more centered and present in the moment.
With practice, grounding meditation can become a powerful tool for finding your way when you're feeling lost or unsure. By connecting with the body in the present moment, you can tap into a deeper sense of clarity, purpose, and direction, helping you navigate life's challenges with more ease and confidence.
Try this Grounding 5 minute Meditation: Audio Block Double-click here to upload or link to a .mp3. Learn more Want to experience more guided meditations? Join my monthly practice group.click here to learn more and join.
Awareness of awareness is one of the most subtle ways of approaching the meditation practice. Listen to the guided audio below, and then do the writing exercise.
Here is your writing promptAfter doing the guided meditation, notice what you are aware of. What comes into your awareness that wants attention?
Write 10 ideas as bullet points, each one an idea that inspires you. They might be ideas for projects you'd like to consider, or they may simply be themes or philosophies or ideals that are important to you. They might be ideas you steal from others or things from your memory bank that create a little spark of joy in you.
You are not committing anything to these ideas--you are simply coming up with ideas.Your job is to come up with 10 of them and write them down.
That's all!
Mindfulness of breathing is one of the foundation techniques of meditation practice. This one simple tool can have profound impacts on your awareness, and on your life. When you develop the ability to stay present with the breath, you open yourself to creative insights that may otherwise pass under the radar.
Ready to get started? Find a quiet place where you won't be disturbed for several minutes, take comfortable posture and listen to the recording.
Find a quiet place or put on headphones and listen to the guided meditation. This is a short introduction to the sitting meditation practice that we'll do throughout the course. Don't worry about getting it right. It's called "a practice" for a reason!
Meditation InstructionI recommend setting aside 10-15 minutes each morning or evening to sit in meditation. Better to meditate every day for a short period--even 2 minutes!--than to save it all up and try for an hour at the weekend.
It's like chipping away at a piece of marble to reveal the beautiful sculpture within. When you show up on a regular basis, you can transform even the hardest substance into something workable.
After you've listened to the meditation, do the free-writing exercise below.
Journaling Exercise and Journaling PromptYour first writing prompt: What's going on for me right now is...*
That's it! Set your timer (20 minutes goes faster than you think)
Remember the guidelines:1. Write by hand, with pen and paper.
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Write without stopping or lifting your pen from the page
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Don't censor or edit while you write. Let it all out, knowing that this is FOR YOUR EYES ONLY.
It may seem obvious to know what is in our mind at any given moment - but most of the time, we are so distracted by what’s occurring around us, that it’s not at all obvious what’s going on in our minds.
In this guided 5 minute meditation you’ll be guided to observe the contents of the mind, and rest in the awareness of the spaciousness of mind.
Once you’ve finished the meditation, I recommend going for a quiet walk to simply observe your experience.
Enjoy!
Listen to the guided meditation below and then choose one of the following journaling prompts: What inner messenger wants to be heard? * List the ways your inner wisdom may try to "message' you. * Remember a situation in the past where you got the message, but didn't listen.*
It's easy to feel overwhelmed when facing big obstacles. But what if I told you that your greatest obstacles can actually be your greatest gifts?
When you're in the midst of a mid-life transition, it's important to remember that you're not alone. Millions of women are facing the same challenges as you are. But here's how it works: your obstacles can lead you to develop skills, experience, and attitude that will not only help you overcome challenges but also make you a valuable resource for others going through the same struggles. So your obstacles actually transform you into a woman of wisdom and power.
Here are 8 essential tools that will help you navigate your mid-life transition:Prioritize peace of mind: When faced with big changes, it's easy to get caught up in anxiety and stress. But it's important to remember that peace of mind is a choice. You can choose to focus on the positive aspects of change, and let go of the negative.
Question your beliefs: Many of the things we believe are no longer true, or never were true in the first place. As we go through life, we tend to hold on to outdated beliefs without even realizing it. Questioning your beliefs is a key part of personal growth. It allows you to let go of what's no longer serving you and make room for new beliefs that will help you create the life you want.
Establish boundaries and healthy relationships: It's important to establish boundaries with the people in your life so that you can create healthy relationships. This is especially important during times of change, when old patterns and dynamics may no longer be serving you.
Learn yoga breathing: Yoga breathing (pranayama) is an excellent tool for managing stress and anxiety. It helps to calm the nervous system and bring clarity to the mind.
Develop a daily meditation practice: Meditation helps to quiet the mind and connect with our inner wisdom. When we meditate, we create space for stillness and peace amidst the chaos of change.
Establish a practice of creative expression: Creative expression is a powerful way to process our emotions and connect with our authentic selves. When we express ourselves creatively, we open up new possibilities for who we can be in the world.
Identify your support network: It's important to identify who in your life will support you during times of change. These are the people who will listen without judgement, offer helpful advice, and be there for you when you need them most.
Accept your aloneness: One of the most challenging aspects of change is feeling alone in it. But it's important to remember that everyone experiences change differently, and there is no one right way to do it. Embrace your uniqueness and know that whatever you're feeling is okay . . . because it won't last forever."
Times of transition can be difficult, but they can also be incredibly transformative. By using these 8 essential tools, you can navigate your mid-life transition with grace and ease—and come out on the other side as a woman of wisdom and power.
Want more tools for navigating a mid-life transition?Join the monthly practice group, Embracing Change here.
Change can be hard, but it can also bring new opportunities. When you embrace the uncertainty of major life changes, you can find advantages that will help you grow and thrive. It’s important to recognize the positive aspects of any life upheaval and use them to your advantage. Tools for Evolution shares some tips for turning a potential disaster into an opportunity for success.
Make Self-Care a PriorityIt’s easy to feel overwhelmed by change, but it’s important not to get too caught up in stress or anxiety. Make sure you take time for yourself during these major life problems. Take walks, meditate, read books, or practice yoga — whatever helps you relax and stay centered during times of transition. Self-care is essential for your mental health as well as your ability to make good decisions during stressful periods of change.
Improve Your Current EnvironmentSometimes big changes require big moves. If there’s something about your current environment that isn’t working for you anymore, personally or professionally), consider changing it completely by moving somewhere else entirely. Moving has been shown to reduce stress levels while increasing happiness. Plus, it gives you a fresh start with all kinds of possibilities at your fingertips.
If moving is in the cards for you, start your search online. Regardless if you’re buying or renting, the search for the perfect home starts at the tip of your fingers. It’s easy enough to find rentals in your area of choice. You can even narrow down your search by using filters.
Change Your Career TrajectoryMajor life upheavals provide us with unique growth opportunities if we take advantage of them. Use this period as an opportunity to explore new career paths and gain new skills that will help catapult you further along in your professional journey. If there was ever a time to pursue your dream job, start your own business, or transition into a different field, this is the perfect time to give it a try. You don’t have to quit your day job right away — try freelancing or consulting first until you get your feet wet in the industry and gain more experience.
With new technology and social media platforms available, you have more tools than ever before to make your dreams come true. With this tool, for instance, you can create a resume that showcases the skills and accomplishments employers look for. Download it in PDF format, and get ready to chart an exciting new path. You can also take courses online or find mentors who can help guide you through this process so that when everything settles down again, you have all the tools necessary for success in whatever path lies ahead.
Consider Starting a BusinessDeciding to open a business will help entrepreneurs embrace unexpected major life changes. Choosing to structure as an LLC will provide flexibility and help business owners benefit from special tax rules. LLCs are further granted certain privileges by the state such as filing applications without any extra organizational costs. Therefore, an LLC designation will be a great option for entrepreneurs leaving their comfort zone and venturing into the uncharted ground with an innovative mindset. Click here for more information about LLC businesses, if you’re ready to embrace this major life change.
Embrace the ChallengeWhen faced with a major life change, it can be tempting to give in and give up. But don’t let fear get in the way of living the life you want. Instead of focusing on all the things that could go wrong if you take a risk, focus on how great things could be if they go right. Embrace the challenge instead of running away from it — sometimes, taking risks leads us down paths we never expected.
There's no denying that big changes can be daunting and scary, but they don't have to be all doom and gloom either. By embracing major life changes as opportunities instead of obstacles, we open ourselves up to new possibilities that just weren't available before. So why not use this moment as an opportunity? Find ways to turn what could potentially become problems into solutions, and then watch yourself thrive like never before.
Looking to thrive amidst the uncertainty of life? click here for Tools and programs that help you with life’s transitions.This month’s post is written by Jennifer Scott, guest contributor.
Jennifer Scott is a single mom who writes about the ups and downs of her mental illness on SpiritFinder.org. The blog serves as both a source of information for people with mental illness and a forum where those living with anxiety and depression can come together to discuss their experiences. Based in Philadelphia, she enjoys traveling, working with animals, and seeking out new friendships and adventures. Read more about her at: Spiritfinder.org
Do you want to develop your own at-home yoga practice?
Taking classes at a yoga studio can be a great way to learn a yoga practice. It’s really the best way to get the details about this transformational tool called yoga. A daily yoga practice can help to keep you healthy, grounded and positive.
But once you are familiar with how to do the practice, it can be extremely empowering to develop your own at-home practice. This is really where you get to confront yourself, and learn the deeper aspects of what yoga has to offer.
Some people are not comfortable practicing with a group of people— especially on the heels of the pandemic where it's still a bit confusing in some areas. Should we practice with other people or do our yoga at home? During the pandemic, online classes became popular. But without the guidance of an online class, it is still possible to do your yoga at home.
How to establish in your own daily yoga practice. It can be really confusing to know where to start your own at-home yoga practice. But it's totally possible for you to start.
I recommend is these three steps.
- Have a Plan
That means first, slotting it into your schedule.
Do you have a place in your home that you can do it? Aometimes this can be a tricky thing. I have a little apartment where I have to practice in the foyer because it's the only place with a hard floor. It’s not ideal, but it works for now. So you have to find a place where you can do your yoga practice.
Is there a place in your do you have a community center or someplace that's with a hard floor that is comfortable enough for you to do your practice? And then find a time of day. I like to practice first thing in the morning. That doesn't work for people but, slot it into your day.
Planning also means having a structure for your practice. Are you going to do the whole primary series of postures? Are you going to spend some time doing a breathing practice practice at the beginning or at the end of your practice? Will you add meditation to the end of your practice?
Some days I will add an extra long period of either pranayama or meditation at the end of the asana (postures) practice. But it's good to have a plan when you go into your practice, rather than making it up as you go along.
If you need guidance to create that plan, check out my book, Ashtanga Yoga for Beginner's Mind.
There's tons more to say about that, but that's the simple version: create a plan, slot it in your schedule, then decide what practice you're going to do.
- Keep It SimpleThis means above all keeping your mindset simple so that you stay focused on what you're doing. You're not getting up to answer the phone, or to do the laundry or clean up something that you notice in your environment. You keep it simple in that you're just doing your practice right here, right now, and you stay focused on that.
For the duration of the practice and whether you have set a timeframe for your practice or you just have a plan for how many postures you want to do you commit to making that happen. You do this to the best of your ability because the second part of this, keeping it simple, is also to stay flexible.
I have a regular daily practice that I do, which is a simplified primary series from the Ashtanga Yoga Vinyasa tradition. But some days I show up there and I have a little more energy than I thought I did, and so I'll do a little more.
Sometimes I have a little less energy than I thought I did. At this stage of life, things happen. Maybe I rode my bike too far the day before or went hiking and their soreness and certain postures are just not really working out that day. Be flexible with yourself as far as how your practice goes. Give it your best shot, and if it doesn't work out the way you hoped, just move on.
- Let go of expectationsPractice doesn't always go as we planned. Sometimes circumstances - or the body - won’t cooperate.
Maybe you have an emergency and you need to quit the practice early. Maybe you finish your practice as planned, but it just doesn't feel as good as it did the first time you tried it. Maybe you're bored, or distracted, or it just doesn't go the way you planned.
When you let go of expectations, you're essentially practicing compassion for yourself. You're can say, “Oh today's practice didn't work out exactly as I had hoped— but I did it.” That's the bonus of letting go of expectations - when you show up for yourself by doing the practice, it doesn't really matter what the outcome is.
There's something empowering about following through on your word, committing to yourself and your own wellbeing.
Give Thanks + Express GratitudeAt the end of your practice, you tap into compassion, a sense of kindness and peace, if you will. You experience it for yourself by not giving yourself a hard time if the practice didn't go the way we wanted, but also you can extend that compassion out to others.
You have committed to yourself and had the opportunity to experience peace and presence through doing your practice. And because. Now that you've restocked your stores of wellbeing, you can then share that with others.
So the last part of this process of developing your at-home yoga practice is to simply tap into the wish to share goodwill with others. There are many people in the world who don't have the opportunity to do a yoga practice. Maybe they don't have a home, so how can they do a yoga practice without a home? Or maybe they have chaotic home environments or are ill, or they just don't have the opportunity.
So we offer compassion to them. It's a way of giving thanks and giving back. Just think of it that way, and it's just a thought. You tap into that energy in your heart and you express it and share it with others.
May you be may your practice go well.
If you’d like help developing or deepening your own at-home yoga practice, check out my book Ashtanga Yoga for Beginner’s Mind, with step-by-step instructions to create your own ideal practice. Click here to get it now.
12 Ways To Take Care of Yourself during the holiday seasonNavigating the holidays with cheer can be a challenge for some.
If you want to make the holidays full of cheer for yourself and your loved ones, make self-care a priority. All it takes is a simple plan to develop certain habits--and let go of habits that sabotage your wellbeing.
The first step in knowing how to take care of yourself is to learn to identify when you start going off track. The body will tell you this information if you listen. But it’s like learning a new language for many of us who have spent years ignoring the messages our bodies are telling us.
Here are 12 ways to take care of yourself during the holiday season:1. Listen to your body.The body does not lie--and it will speak up in its own language when you need to pay attention to something. Place your hand too close to the fire and you will get an immediate --and loud--message. Some messages are more subtle and harder to read. The more in tune you are with your physical body, the easier it becomes to read these signs.
2. Eat what nourishes you.Research clearly shows that eating well is our best defense against illness, and best support for wellbeing. Go for fresh, locally sourced produce grown without pesticides or chemicals, reduce sugar and unhealthy cooking oils, avoid foods that contain preservatives. Admittedly, this can be hard when celebrating the holidays. If declining your family traditions seems too overwhelming, offer to contribute a few simple dishes to the menu to make it easy to succeed. If you don’t have a back up plan, it can be too easy to go for foods—and habits— that make you feel disempowered. Taking care of yourself means planning ahead.
3. Be aware of environmental toxins.Are you setting yourself up for failure? Toxicity can take many forms: the old family dynamics that you KNOW will happen when certain environmental toxins are present. If you know talking about politics will end up in a screaming match, then make a plan to leave the room, or change the subject if it arises. There are toxic relationships and communities, or perhaps you speak to yourself in toxic ways when around family. You ingest toxins when you don’t pay attention to what you eat, or indulge in drugs or alcohol. This is usually a simple fix with moderation, but habitual patterns can easily override healthy choices. Taking care of yourself means eliminating or reducing toxins from your body, environment, relationships and emotional state.
4. Get regular exercise.There are so many studies linking good health to regular exercise that most of us are pretty aware we need to move regularly if we want to practice self care. It can be hard to maintain your usual routine during holidays, so go easy on yourself. Just get in a routine that feels manageable --not too hard, not too soft-- and stick with it. Bonus points if you get outdoors to reconnect with nature as you exercise.
5. Prioritize sleep.This is such an easy and quick way to introduce self care on a profound level. It’s amazing more of us don’t do this. Notice I didn’t say: get enough sleep. Most of us can function on less-than optimal sleep, and convince ourselves that we are getting enough shut-eye. But to prioritize sleep, we start looking at all the ways we sabotage our rest cycle through stimulants, computer screens late at night, unresolved emotional issues, taking on too much and generally not being aware of our natural rhythms. Try making sleep your #1 priority and see how your attitude shifts.
6. Nourish your healthy relationships + set boundaries with unhealthy ones.We pick up habits from the people we spend time with. In general, it is important to carefully choose the people you spend the most time with. If you hang out with a gang, you’ll eventually become a gangster. This may be the biggest reason why holidays can be challenging for many—how do you keep a positive attitude when Uncle Osborne is such a grouch? Make a commitment to be kind, no matter what, and to focus on the positive. If you need help, watch this video by Ekhart Tolle on how to stay present when with cranky people.
7. Speak kindly--especially to yourself.Speak kind, truthful words, and notice how your mind-set changes. Most of us spend a lot of time criticizing or judging our experience. Even the smallest incident can bring on a wave of negativity: you’re trying to get a new app to work on your phone and it is not cooperating so you swear at the damn thing (see?) Watch how you do this with family. The way you use speech creates energy patterns that infuse the body and send out signals into the environment. If you are constantly lashing out in criticism--even if it is only in your mind--you are germinating a toxic inner environment. Antidote: Breathe and smile. Or…
8. Chant an affirming mantra--out loud or silently.May I be well, May I be happy, May I let go of the past
Om mani padme hum
Or hum a song-it’s surprising how calming this is.
9. Manage stressors.Learn to say “no.” This benign little word can be very empowering. Get clear on what supports your wellbeing and what stresses you out. You might want to add “thank you.”
10. Learn to meditate.A daily meditation practice will do more for your self care than most anything else. When you take time each day to check in with yourself, you start to notice patterns. We can only change what we are aware of. Click here for an easy guided meditation you can do in 12 minutes.
11. Practice gratitude.Make a practice of recognizing the kindness others extend to you and share your appreciation with them. When you focus on positive qualities guess what you attract more of?
12. Breathe.Whenever you think of it, notice your breathing. It’s the most reliable way to quickly change your state of mind. If you find yourself getting worked up about something, take a few deep breaths, and observe the shift.
Set Your Intention to Navigate the Holidays with CheerIt can be hard to break habits, even when we know they are harming us. If you need help letting go of a toxic habit, ask your inner guide or your higher power for clarity or set an intention. Often it’s our thinking patterns that prevent our progress, so stepping outside of what we already know and asking for guidance can initiate new connections.
Change is the only constant. Our lives are made up of days; our days are made up of moments. Stay present in the moment is the best way to take care of yourself.
The first step in knowing how to take care of yourself is to learn to identify when you start going off track. The body will tell you this information if you listen. But it’s like learning a new language for many of us who have spent years ignoring the messages our bodies are telling us. Get a free daily self-care checklist here.
Journaling is a great way to help identify emotions, thoughts and feelings.
If you are feeling the winter blues, journaling can help by letting you get in touch with the flavor or texture of your emotions. Once you get in touch with the feelings, you can discover ways to take care of yourself that might lift you out of those winter blues.
How do you begin journaling to beat the winter blues?You can use journaling prompts to explore a certain theme or issue that is up for you at the moment, or you could simply start with the question:
- What is going on for me at the moment?
Or:
- What am I feeling right now?
By allowing yourself the freedom to write whatever comes to mind – without stopping or editing – you might be surprised to learn a few things about yourself that may not have come to the conscious awareness until you dedicated time to invite it.
When you explore emotions through journaling, you might learn that they are just a set of physical sensations. So if you’d like to try this for yourself grab your journal and a pen and ask:
What are these winter blues all about, and what could I do to take care of myself?Want more tips to combat the winter blues? Check out this resource at Porch.
Practice might mean many different things to different people. Usually when I say “practice”, I'm talking about yoga and meditation practice. But you can also look at so many other aspects of your life as a practice as well.
A practice could be how we talk to ourselves. That's something we can learn to update and evolve as we get clarity on what's helpful and what's not.
We can have a creative practice. I have a painting practice right now and oh boy, does that evolve! Some days it's really bad. And some days it's really exciting. So that could be considered a practice.
There's also the practice of our relationships and how we work with our own mental and emotional world as we relate with others around us.
So even if you don't consider yourself a meditator or a yoga practitioner, practice can take on many different forms.
What happens when suddenly you find your practice has become stale?Specifically from a meditation perspective, it's very easy for the practice to get stale because it can be so elusive.
Because meditation practice is subtle, it's very easy to find ourselves going off course or going down a path that doesn't really feel that aligned.
We might not feel confident about the way that our meditation is going or our yoga practice for that matter. What I have learned over 30 years of practice now is that we hit walls sometimes.
Sometimes those walls are self-imposed. They are asking us to redirect and learn something new about the practice, or maybe pick up a different aspect of the practice, or maybe there's something about it that's just not working. We may need to get some insight about how to circumnavigate the obstacle.
What's preventing the practice from keeping its freshness and being helpful?It's important to recognize that not every practice solves every problem.
Meditation practice is a fantastic way to train the mind to be present. This can give us clarity to navigate the choices in our life, but meditation will not help you learn to manage emotions necessarily.
So sometimes a different approach is needed to augment the practice that we have taken. We are changing and evolving beings. What was once useful to you as a practice at one stage of your life may reach a limit at another stage of life.
How do you manage your practice as it evolves?I know that my Ashtanga yoga practice has evolved dramatically since I first started. It's gone through the whole curve of learning it and then getting really into it and being obsessed and then letting it soften as I've gotten older.
It's important to recognize if practice is suddenly not feeling fresh, what's going on. There are a lot of different reasons why it might need an update. Some of these reasons are temporary and we might just need some new inspiration.
But some of them are more permanent. I seriously doubt that I will ever be doing, a daily third series practice anymore in this lifetime.
So how do you let your practice evolve?This is why I did a retreat recently with one of my Buddhist teachers, Tsognyi Rinpoche. After a week of being with one of my teachers, it's amazing how things shift and open.
Three simple words changed my whole practice and rebooted it.
When we are talking about meditation from a certain perspective there are really very simple instructions.
- Recognize when the mind is still. You do that in meditation practice by focusing on the breath and allowing the breath to draw you into the present moment. This is a very simple way to bring your attention to ground you in the present moment. Some meditation practices will just stay there and this is fine. And you may just want to stay there. But from another perspective you can also notice the mind when it is not still.
- Recognize when the mind is moving. Anytime you have a thought or memory or you are involved in some sensory perception, you see or hear something–that is a movement of the mind. It's also moving when we are remembering or we're caught up in a fantasy or projecting something that we would like to have happen in the future. All that gets lumped into the category of Mind in Movement. So anytime we are Still and quiet in the present moment. The mind is moving. Those are the two options. The mind is either still or it's moving. You may wonder how there could be a third option to this observation of mind in meditation…
- Recognize the awareness that is aware of both stillness and movement. You notice when the mind is still, and you notice when the mind is moving and you notice the awareness that notices that process.
This is the simple key to meditation.Is to rest in this awareness to recognize that, oh my mind might be still, oh, there's a thought now the mind is moving and not to necessarily worry that the mind is moving and oh, I should get back to my meditation. Rather than forcing the mind into an unnatural stance (trying to make it still when it is moving, or vice versa) you just take a step back (so to speak) and just recognize the awareness that is aware of both the stillness and movement.
So from that perspective, it's all meditation.When you are simply aware of what's happening in any moment, as long as you maintain that connection with your awareness.
It’s really hard to be aware all the time–we lose it in distraction and daily ordeals– but you can make an aspiration and set an intention to be aware of whatever is going on. You make that your meditation practice.
So that was a big aha moment. That’s the reason that I take retreat every year – to reaffirm my meditation practice.
If you also feel called to reconnect the dots of your meditation practice, you can always do a retreat, but there are other ways.
Here are four ways that you can freshen up your meditation practice:1. Get some outside input. go to teachings, find a book that gives you a new angle or new insight into the practice that you're working on. Go see your teacher or talk to someone who you consider a mentor, someone who you feel has some wisdom or experience with the practice that you're doing. 2. Take a break. While it is recommended to practice daily in order to develop and deepen meditation practice, let's face it, sometimes we humans get tired. We may lose motivation. So sometimes just taking a break can be super helpful to refresh and gain some perspective. You can schedule this pause or, often a break simply happens because life gets in the way. You don’t want to make a regular habit of this, but the occasional rest can do wonders for practice. It's okay to take a break sometimes. I often find that– even if I feel guilty about it–after a break from practice, I almost always come back to the cushion, to the mat, to the journaling page, with new insight and something fresh to take away. It gives you an opportunity to get an overview of the practice. Why am you doing it? How am you doing it? Is it helping you? 3. Freshen up your practice. Hone in on an aspect of the practice and you could take this in different ways. You could hone in on something that feels challenging. That's not working for you. Try a different focus for your meditation - meditate on awareness of thoughts rather than the breath as the focus of my meditation. Soften your your gaze, so to speak and use your thoughts as the object of your meditation, which is a little bit more challenging and say, you're trying that, and it's not really working. Ask: What's not fresh about this? Break it down. We all develop habits–and sometimes those habits get stale. One way you can break it down is to do very short, frequent meditations. Try 30 second meditations, 30 seconds of doing the meditation that you've chosen and then just sit and you don't even necessarily have to have a focus for the next minute. 4. Mix it up. I like to bring practices together to see how they support each other. So if you find that none of the above methods work, try sequencing your practices. Sit for a short meditation before journaling, or vice versa. Meditate before your yoga practice, or do your yoga before your meditation. Sometimes mixing it up can give you new insights as you work with the energy of each practice.
This is why I offer the journaling and journeying sessions on fourth Saturdays each month.Practice is a life-long adventure. It’s never static, because we are always evolving. But sometimes life changes suddenly and drastically and you need a bit more support. If you find yourself in the middle of a big life transition– which can sometimes be really traumatic events– you can develop a practice to support you through it.
During the month of October, my signature mini-course - Essential Tools for Navigating Life Transitions - includes a special bonus. Find out more here.
Life as we knew it a few years ago has changed, forever.
It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it will take some adjusting and revising to set a life course again. You have a vision for your life—we all do, whether we are conscious of it or not. What happens when things are not coming together for your dream life?
How do you keep momentum moving forward with your dreams and goals after such a long break, when so much has changed in the world?As an artist, I confront this on a daily basis when I walk into my studio. I basically never know what I’m going to create, until I start creating it.
You may not be an artist. You may not even consider yourself a creative person. Maybe you're just trying to make forward motion happen on a life goal or a project that you're working on.
But things get in the way—obstacles, negativity, lack of inspiration or motivation.
When this happens it’s especially important to keep your energy raised, keep your gaze lifted towards your goal, re-affirm your intention and to keep showing up to support whatever actions you can make towards your intention.
How Your Dreams Die: Maybe you got lost in self-doubt or your inner critic took charge * You don’t know how to make them a reality—you lack the necessary knowledge or experience * You’ve lost motivation * Obstacles have blocked the way*
I know a thing or two about slow progress. (Apparently this has something to do with a tricky placement with Saturn, which effectively results in things taking forever to manifest.) It took me 10 years to get my book out into the world. I just got engaged for the first time at the not-so-tender age of 57!
Sometimes things take a lot longer than we think they should.
So you should never give up on your goals or dreams. Whether you are hoping for a shift in the day-to-day structure of your life, or a whole new re-invention, keep moving forward!
How To Keep Moving Forward On Your DreamsSometimes get lost. Or we get frustrated at obstacles blocking our progress. We sometimes don't know how to proceed. Maybe we lack the right information or experience. Or sometimes we lose motivation.
When this kind of energy infects our evolution, our forward motion and it can stall us in an otherwise worthy goal.
If there some goal that you're feeling thwarted on or frustrated about, or maybe you've gotten lost or forgotten about a life plan or even a creative project where you’d like to feel some momentum, it helps to have a plan.
Create a plan, with a stable foundationOne of the things that I had learned many years ago I was studying Ashanga yoga was the importance of showing up on a regular basis. This is a sign to the universe that you are committed to a goal. It’s saying, “this is something I am aspiring to do.” Even if you have no idea how to get there.
I remember showing up when I was working on one posture in particular that I had no idea how I was ever going to manage. I wanted to do the jump back: where you lift up and jump back. If you're an Ashtanga practitioner, you know what I'm talking about.
It just felt like this absolutely impossible, a daunting task, and like it was never going to happen.
But I kept showing up and putting in the effort. Some days I remember thinking: how is this ever going to happen? But every day I would attempt it, and I would imagine myself doing it.
Set goalsI would cross my legs. I would press my hands down. Eventually after many years, one day it just happened. It wasn't pretty, and it wasn't graceful, but it happened. This gave me confidence and that allowed me to gather that momentum and focus it toward that goal.
Note: Yes, it happened eventually. But there were years of confusion, frustration hopelessness. We have to remind ourselves to show up sometimes.
This is where community can be a huge support—it reminds us to maintain our self-discipline to keep us accountable to moving toward our goal.
Creating the foundationOne of the basic lessons in art is composition. If you get the composition right, you’re pretty much guaranteed a successful painting. What that means is four or five different components or shapes of the painting that harmonize and work together. Once you have the composition, then you can add details—or not. But if you don't have the proper foundation or composition, all the detail in the world is not going to make it work.
You can use all the colors and texture and fancy techniques that you want, but unless your composition is strong, the final piece won't work out—it won’t harmonize.
What are the four or five essential components of your life? health * relationships * career * living situation * spiritual path*
It can be really helpful when you're working toward a goal or a project or your dream to break it down into the components.
I would just to suggest that starting here can be a way to not only at the beginning of your endeavor when you take on a project, but if you find yourself lost or stalled or frustrated, go back to the basics, go back to the composition of what it is that you're trying to create.
When you find yourself somehow stalled with your, moving forward toward your dream, go back to the composition.
Renew or revise your intentionSometimes you need to revise or revisit your intention. Are you still on board with the original intention that you set?
For years, I fantasized about creating a yoga retreat center on a beautiful beach somewhere in South Asia. But I was never able to make that reality. I taught many retreat centers in South Asia, but I never found my own.
So that one didn't come to fruition for me. I can point to a lot of reasons why that didn't happen. But now, I'm in a different stage in my life. I'm doing different things. I'm living in a different place and it’s no longer a dream I wish to pursue.
It would be pointless for me to keep striving toward that goal, because circumstances have changed— and I have changed. So it's worth revisiting your intention every once in a while, just to see if it's in fact still true for you.
It’s important to keep asking: is that dream still relevant? I don't teach yoga classes anymore, so my yoga retreat center dream is an irrelevant goal for me at this point.
Sometimes there's another, better dream that wants to point you in a different direction.
Sometimes obstacles provide an opportunity for us to take a moment and take stock. We could ask: is there another way that I can work with the energy of this situation?
The pandemic forced a lot of people to make huge changes. Many people were able to quit their nine to five grind and work from home. What appeared at first to be horrendous obstacle and in many ways was also provided an opportunity for joy and growth.
Keep moving forward We often plan things for our lives that don't come to fruition - at least in the time-frame we had hoped. Rather than striving toward things that are not coming to fruition sometimes it's best just to stop and take stock of what is happening and appreciate the richness in the current circumstances.
The most important point is just to keep going, keep moving forward toward your dreams, towards your goals, towards your creative projects even if you don't know where you're headed. Just take one small step to show up.
Please join the community where you can get support for your creative goals.
If you don't already have my 10 daily habits checklist, you can find that below.
Sometime during my late thirties, it became painfully obvious that family life was not my path. While my girlfriends were busy starting families, I was increasingly obsessed with yoga. Until that point we had shared goals and dreams, but with no crumbs and spilled milk on the back seat of my car and no husband anywhere in sight, my life was taking a different direction from theirs.
I realized I needed a new map. I moved to South India for a year to study yoga and find my calling. In Mysore, I rented a big old house and a beat-up moped. Every morning at 5 am I saluted the sun and stood on my head. Every afternoon I hosted a wanton mix of students at my home for a class on yoga philosophy. I dodged cows and Tata trucks on my scooter and hung fresh garlands of jasmine over my doorway. Every evening, after meditation, I sat on my front step under the gently swaying palm trees and contemplated how bizarre, and how utterly right this choice had been.
Finding Peace in Unexpected PlacesI learned to relax that year. I became softer. I learned to breathe deeply and to keep a strict discipline. I finally learned to silence the constant self-doubt that was an heirloom from a chaotic childhood. I started to paint. I earned a teaching authorization that gave me confidence to pursue my passion further. Suddenly I could travel the world and make a decent living doing it.
When I stopped trying to fit myself into others’ versions of how I should my life, I relaxed profoundly. I followed my heart to what brings me happiness: yoga. And, while I was busy doing what I love, I found a community that shared my passion. I found my tribe. Rather than playing tag-a-long with my girlfriend’s families, I had created my own.
Fast forward a couple of decades, and the terrain looks quite a bit different! I’ve met the love of my life - ironically, during a global lock-down. I met him not during a yoga class, or at a meditation retreat, but at my art gallery. Life has a funny way of guiding us — it’s not what we expect. When we learn to get out of our own way - and stop struggling against what’s happening, then AND ONLY THEN, we evolve.
Navigating the Path of ChangePerhaps a spiritual journey is about making peace with your circumstances, even when life does not go the way you expect. Trying to follow someone else's path may frustrate you and prevent you from realizing your dreams.
To find your calling, you may need to let go of preconceived notions of what your life should look like.
Admittedly, this can be painful. I’ve learned that in order to respect myself, I need to honor my quirky choice of lifestyle and accept that some people may judge me. But that year in Mysore was one of the best years of my life and I developed a discipline there that has become an integral part of my life. And that awakening was the key to discovering happiness.
Let go of the life you planned to appreciate the life you have.When you let go of the life you think you should be living, you make room for the life that is searching for YOU!
Are you trying to follow someone else's path through life? Did you give up on your dreams at some point?
If you’d like to make a change, join me in an adventure of growth and evolution. We start next month. Click here for details.
I posted this practice years ago when I discovered it on a weekend retreat…but it has been such a popular post I decided to republish this. When life gets uncertain - and I think we could all agree now is such a time—we need tools to evolve with clarity.
You know when you are on one of those long and winding trails through the wildnerness, and then the trail disappears entirely? Suddenly the journey that was so joyful and purposeful ends up leaving you stranded in the middle of nowhere, without a clue. I hate it when that happens.
If you are in the midst of a big change in your life, try this exercise to help you get clarity on how to proceed.
Creative Insight Tool For When You Need ClarityEssentially, it is our conceptual mind that gets in the way of us seeing how to proceed and deal with issues. Relying on intuition can sometimes help us get out of our own way and then solutions seem to magically appear.
Here is the creative insight tool for gaining clarity on your life’s purpose:1. Write down your issue. It can be big or small. Where do you feel lost?
Some examples:
• How do I shift my focus from being a full time mommy to being a professional pole dancer?
• Why do I keep having conflicting feelings when my new partner sits up all night by the window wearing pantyhose on his head?
• How do I deal with these %$&X@&^ squirrels who live in my attic?
** You might not have these kinds of issues. Formulate your own life's predicament or dilemma.
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Get your camera and take 20-30 minutes and go Aimless Wandering. This is a highly advanced form of practice that involved walking around with no idea where you are going. Don't plan, don't limit. Just go. You can do it in the park, in a shopping mall, the woods, your garden, you neighbors garden, or your house. (I don't recommend doing it in your neighbor's house, unless you have permission.) Just start wandering and stay present to your surroundings. When you come across images that spark your interest, take a photo.
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Choose One Photo.
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Describe the photo in three adjectives. Don't think too much.
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If you could change one thing in the photo, what would you change? Make something up.
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How is your predicament like your photo? Again, make something up. Free write for 5 minutes or tell a friend.
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How could you change your predicament in a similar way to the way you imagined changing the photo? In the image on this blog post, I would have chosen to get rid of the buildings and replace them with trees. That might translate as looking to nature for ways to resolve your predicament: spending more time in nature, or looking for a "natural" solution. We're looking for metaphor here. If I had wanted to turn the lamp on, then the question might be: how can you add more lightness to your predicament. Once you make the metaphor, expand it and get detailed. How could you add more lightness to the situation, or how could you fit in more time in nature?
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Who would you be and how would you act if you were embodying the 3 adjectives you listed to describe the photo? Do another free write for this. We're not looking for logical conclusions. Sometimes the things you come up with might seem silly at first, but sit with them and see what evolves.
Let Go Of Expectations and Expected OutcomesWhen you allow your imagination to roam freely, sometimes new neural connections happen that might not have occurred to you otherwise.
If you choose, share your insights in our community Facebook group!
Self acceptance is key when developing the strength to stand behind our convictions. Here is a 12 minute meditation to help remind you of the importance of accepting yourself as you are, right now, despite any unresolved issues. That is powerful medicine!
If you've meditated for more than a minute, you have no doubt been taught to follow your breath as a focus for your meditation. In this practice you will discover the spaciousness available when you expand your awareness to the periphery.
I had a shift recently when I was listening to someone talk about success as a woman.
We’ve all heard people ask the question - what does success mean to you? Then there’s a follow up about how to change your belief systems in order to go after that success.
But what if you’ve already had success in life.... lived it out...and then discovered you need something else?
What does success mean to you?What I realized is that as a middle-aged woman, I have already lived out a success story--many of them in fact.
First of all, I made it to this age! But I also lived out a wild fantasy I had– a magical life transformation that led me around the world teaching yoga at luxury resorts, allowing me to make a fantastic living. At the peak of that success story, I was staying in $1,000 a night hotel rooms in Bhutan on somebody else's dime and doing what I love to do --which is to share transformative tools with people.
Yet at a certain point I realized that I had lived that phase out, and it was no longer a path I wanted to pursue. Especially after events in the past few years– it's simply not an option anymore.
But just because one phase of success has passed, it does NOT mean we are no longer successful. It just means we need to move on.
Ask yourself (or journal the response):* What success have you already had in your life? * What are you proud of? * What did you “earn” the hard way?
Are you being hard on yourself for a perceived lack of success right now, when you have many successes under your belt already?
What's next for you?
Events of the past few years have pushed many of us to look at life with new eyes. You may have gone through a re-evaluation of what's important, and taken a good look at the reality of how much time you have left to do what you want to do.
That is why I've just finished creating a new series of courses highlighting the theme of Life Transitions, and why this has been such a big project for me recently. I am passionate about discovering what happens after mid-life for women in this era where we have options and choices that were not possible in my grandmother's or even my mother's generation.
Maybe you're still working on the First Act of your life... but if you are approaching YOUR second act, let me know where you are and what change you want in YOUR life. Leave a comment below.
To learn more about this process, go here and I'll send you details as they are available.
I appreciate you!
Journaling Prompts for Wellbeing + Self-Care:* What makes me feel well? * How does well-being manifest? * How can I support this feeling of wellbeing?
As our worlds shrink to fit on a 4 x 8 inch screen, it gets easier and easier to think our way through a day.
We may think that consuming content on YouTube is “doing something” but if you think about it. what are you “doing”?
You are sitting there, thinking. The surest way to get stuck in a habitual pattern is to try to think your way through it.
Thinking is different than doing.The way to find meaning in life is to make it. The people I see who have been thriving during these massive changes in our world view the past few years are those who have inspiration to keep moving forward.
Some days that movement might not look like much. But the very act of putting one foot in front of the other... taking action toward a goal that is meaningful to you... is what gives meaning to your life.
Doing is a physical activity. Anytime we are doing something, the body is involved. If you find yourself stuck, then go for a walk. Or pick up your pen and write about it. Or get on your meditation cushion and follow your breath.
The surest way to lose meaning in life is to stop looking for it and start thinking about it.
So if you want to create meaning, get active.
Here are some examples of simple actions you can do today to get clarity + create meaning:* reach out to someone who inspires you * go for a walk without any distractions * plant a tree or some bulbs * try a new recipe * register for a class * paint or draw or journal * turn on your favorite music and dance in your kitchen * volunteer at a homeless shelter or refugee agency * outline a proposal or project you’d like to initiate
Your action doesn’t have to start out meaningful. You act first, and then discover the meaning. If you don’t find meaning in an activity, then it’s not for you, and you now have clarity about that. But if you think about doing it rather than actually doing it, you only think you have clarity.
Meaning is what we make of our lives, not what is handed to us. I always find this idea very inspiring:
Your greatest obstacle is your greatest gift.
How can you turn a challenging situation into an activity to create meaning in your life? Use that question as a journaling prompt and let me know in the comments below.
The practice of sending and taking, or Tonglen, is a powerful way of working with difficult emotions. Learning to stay present with suffering, both our own and that of others, allows us to access the seed of compassion at the core of our heart.
Recently I talked to an old friend from my Ashtanga days, and we compared notes.
Yoga practice evolves with age. My practice has evolved drastically since I first started practicing Ashtanga Vinyasa Yoga 30 years ago. No more 3 hour practices with loads of arm balances and crazy deep backbends. These days, my practice looks like a modified half-primary, with a long headstand and plenty of restorative finishing postures, like shoulderstand and shavasana. I also have a dedicated meditation practice that allows me to check in twice daily and settle the mind. This daily routine suits me perfectly and keeps my nervous system energized, flexible and calm.
While I loved those days of vigorous asana practice, I am at a different stage of life now. Maturing means growing and evolving. It also means changing priorities.
The Path of EvolutionThe path of practice is not linear--there are leaps and bounds, steady progress, magnificent and inexplicable jumps that appear to be backward. Then we move forward again in a different gear. It's impossible to guess where the road will take us, and equally unfeasible to judge what we take to be results
At a certain point, the body starts to slow down. At this point you could either quit asana practice altogether, or you could adapt it. I chose to ease up, and continue to practice daily, gently.
Evolving Ashtanga YogaThe last thing we all need is more pressure. One of the pitfalls for Westerners following an established spiritual lineage is trying to adhere to strictly to "the rules." Let me just say this loud and clear:
THERE ARE NO RULES. Things change, we change, the times change. There is illness, injury, tragedy and loss. During these times we may need to slow down and get very still. There are happy and easy times when we can apply a bit more exertion. Learning to adapt your practice to the times can help you weather even the most dire circumstances.
And let's face it: we may need that skill in the upcoming era.
All the practices of yoga--asana, pranayama, bandhas, or meditation--should be made suitable to the individual, considering that person's time or season, place, age, profession, strength, and other factors.
~Tirumalai Krishnamacharya
Practice is a tool to check in with the truth of the current moment— so that you recognize your options.
The current moment is constantly updating as we age. So unless we maintain the thread of practice, we might miss the fact that our practice has already evolved. It’s up to us to develop the habit of looking so that awareness may dawn.
Adapt your Ashtanga yoga practice to the times.These days, my practice is slow and steady - a shortened daily version of my previous full series. I usually include something from each phase of the practice:
- sun salutations
- standing postures
- seated postures
- inversions
- long pranayama
- long quiet meditation
- shavasana
Also essential to a well-rounded practice is to pay attention to the 3 foundations of Ashtanga Vinyasa Yoga: ujayi pranayama, bandhas, and dristi, particularly mula bandha. If you need a resource to create your own daily practice that includes postures from each of these phases, my book Ashtanga Yoga for Beginner’s Mind covers all these, plus added commentary and variations for most postures.
More than growing and evolving the physical practice of asana, it is important than ever to be alert and aware of how our actions, speech and thoughts affect the world around us. The physical practices of yoga serve to purify the mindstream so that we may act and interact with integrity.
This is more important than ever, as we enter the darkest days of the Kali Yuga. Rather than contributing to the madness, let your practice inform you so that you can shed your own light on the darkening times. A daily yoga practice helps you keep your intentions pure and act with kindness and compassion.
It doesn't matter what form your practice takes. The point is to keep returning to openness: open mind, open heart. In the end, a daily practice is your check in with yourself. No one else needs to know exactly what you do on your mat, as long as you get up from it each day feeling whole and centered and willing to face the day.
want more tools to weather changes? Join my new masterclass: 8 Must Have Tools for Creating Life Transitions
Where you set your sights is where you will most likely end up. So be aware of where you are gazing.
December is a great time to consider a New Year writing practice. Looking back on the year that’s about to end, you may start to wonder what you want to invite into your life at the new year.
Want to dive into a 5 Day End-of-Year Journaling Challenge? Click here to find out more.There is something about a New Year that makes us take stock of our lives. Make resolutions if you want, but what if you just decided to accept that you are fine as you are? Rather than making a big promise to change, I prefer to take a moment to pause and reflect and do this simple writing exercise on New Year’s Day. It’s a great exercise to help you get clarity on where you’ve been, and where you want to go.
Keeping a journal is such a powerful practice. So powerful that the Harvard Business Review recognized journaling as a valid way to heal trauma.
Before you can manifest your dreams and goals for the new year, you have to identify them. You don’t have to know HOW you will manifest them, you only have to know what your heart wants. Once you identify that with clarity, the universe will find strange and surprising ways to support you in realizing your dreams.
New Year Writing Practice:Step 1Block out an hour or 2 to do this. Do a 15-30 minute free write on everything that comes to mind about 2021. Ask yourself:
• What were the highlights?
• What didn't work out so well?
• What was downright painful that I'd like to change?
• What was heavenly that I want more of?
Don't filter, screen, manipulate or ignore what comes to mind. Don't show this to anyone! It is for your eyes only. That way you'll be sure to be 100% honest. Get down on paper the truth about what happened for you over the past year, so you know what you're working with.
Step 2Go back and highlight, underline, or circle the moments or insights that feel "charged." Charged means there is energy when you read it, either in a positive or negative sense. When there is a charge around that topic, then highlight it. Make a list of these moments on a new piece of paper.
Step 3Now go through that list, identify what your hopes or intentions were in these situations and categorize each item. Whether a thing worked out well or didn't, check in with yourself to find out how important that thing is to you. Then, either rate it as something that stays on your list of aspirations for this year, or that you will let go.
Step 4For the items that didn't work out so well but that you want to keep, outline 2-3 ways you could approach your goal with fresh insight. For things that continue to work, and that you want to keep, are there ways to keep evolution inspired? Hint: you can do free writes for each of these questions.
Step 5Ask yourself this question for each situation: What do I want? Write your list of aspirations for 2022. You don't have to know how you're going to manifest these things. All you need to know is what you want to manifest. Once you identify precisely and in detail what it is you'd like, your subconscious starts acting on your behalf. It acts on your behalf when you give it negative messages as well, so be careful what story you tell yourself! But here is the most important part:
Write the list in the present tense, as if you are already living the reality!It's a bit sneaky. You're tricking your neurons into believing you.
Then let them goOne thing I should note on this process: It's important not to talk about it too much. Don't fritter away the energy of something that is important to you by chatting idly about it with those who may or may not care. Conserve your energy to put it to use towards manifesting your heart's wishes. In other words, keep your attention on the present moment.
Keep it simpleSometimes I think we make things way too complicated. There is wisdom inside us, if we simply listen. This exercise is not about making a Santa list of things you want and then sitting back and waiting for your gifts to come showering down - this is deeper than the "law of attraction" theory. This is more about aligning with your true heart’s desires, which are reflections of your divine spark’s presence. Ego may trick you into believing you want certain things that don’t align with your inner wisdom. These things may or may not show up, but they probably won’t make you happy in the long run. Your heart desire will make you happy, so you are looking for the heart connection as you do this exercise.
This exercise allows you the choice to change course, let go and allow your deeper wisdom to show you the way to your heart's true desire.
What Is Your Heart’s Desire for 2022?Once you finish this journaling exercise, write down no more than 5 priority issues you want resolution on, and what you would like. Keep the language simple and actionable. Make it specific, focused and directed.
Put the list in an envelope and seal it. Write on the envelope, to be opened Jan 1 2023. Put it somewhere safe and then forget about it. Seriously. Don't try to do what you wrote on the list. Just forget about it.
Next year, open the envelope on New Year’s Day and feel the magic.
Want more journaling exercises?
click here to get your 20 Free Journaling Prompts for Working with Emotions Workbook.
Have you ever watched your own face as you scroll through your news feed? Warning: it’s not always a pretty picture.
As you are confronted by the ever-increasing specter of Bad News Planet, it gets more challenging to maintain a neutral, much less a joyful attitude.
You have opinions about things. You have hopes and dreams, and fears that those hopes and dreams won’t be realized.
Rather than getting swept up in the negativity that bombards you daily (if you let it) you could choose to take charge of your attitude. You would never just leave your front door wide open for harmful strangers, so why leave your mind-space open for negative seeds to take root? TO BE CLEAR: I’m not suggesting that you put your head in the sand and be unaware of your environment.
I AM suggesting that you take charge of your mental environment by setting boundaries, and creating habits to nurture a positive state of mind.
Each moment is an opportunity to re-start your life. That may sound a bit exaggerated, but you can choose at any moment to approach things in a new way. BUT, the caveat here is that in order to recognize that choice, you must learn to be present.
Here is a super-simple 3 step process to help you be present:1. Relax Take a breath and notice where you are. Drop your shoulders. Soften your gaze and your voice. Notice any tension in the body and let it go. Let go of whatever is inhibiting the breath. Settle down, take a walk. Learn a couple of tools to help you relax both in short term and long term. Get to know what your breath and body feel like when relaxed so you can identify when they are not. The breath and the mind are intimately related, so when your breath is settled without obstruction in its natural flow, the mind also settles into a state of ease.
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Release Release the struggle, in other words, whatever your mind is grasping onto. Let go of whatever is causing you to get uptight: thoughts, memories, emotions, fixation, rumination. Drop your agenda. Let go of a sense of urgency. Release your tension, fear, anger, agitation, anxiety. Have you ever had the experience of driving several blocks, getting so your destination and not remembering which route you took? Rumination steals your attention so you act on autopilot, taking you out of the present moment. So when you notice you are caught up in your thoughts, let them go. Allow the thoughts or emotions to simply dissolve back into your awareness of the present moment.
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Return Return to the present moment. Return your awareness to whatever is happening now. Return to your senses, literally, to the sounds, smells, sights and sensations in the body. Observe your environment. Take in the details of the current situation, and tune in to any subtle cues being emitted. Notice your insights. Check to see if your intuition wants to tell you anything.
So stop. Listen to the moment.These three steps provide a framework from which to view experience; they continually orient you back to the present. You can do this on retreat, or if you can’t take that kind of time to devote to attending to your inner health, you can do this on a daily basis. Set an intention to check in throughout the day. Or, if you are like so many of us, stretched to fit in all your daily tasks, then you can apply this process to the moment between breaths. Sort of like a micro-mini retreat. Presence is finding the balance between the effort of focus, and the utter release of relaxation. When you are present, you are naturally in tune with your environment. When you are in tune, you stop fighting against the flow and learn to move with, instead of against the current. Life-saving advice for anyone caught in a rip-tide. Whether it's the split second between each breath, or a potent moment when you have a big breakthrough or a realisation that changes the course of your life, this process applies. Relax your grip, release tension, return attention to your intention. You can practice these 3 steps as a way of getting back on course, both in a larger sense of your life’s trajectory, but also on a moment to moment basis. Going through these 3 steps each time you recognise that your attention has strayed. You can tell this happened because you find yourself struggling. I can tell you from experience that when you don’t know what to do, long or short term, this 3-fold process will guide you to your inner wisdom to you can make your way forward. Otherwise, if you try to make something happen without a clear idea of what wants to happen, you'll just end up making froth.
These 3 steps could change how you live your life.Our lives are made up of moments. Big changes start with one single moment of inspiration. So next time you catch yourself struggling, you don’t need to count to 10. Just count to 3.
Confronting change almost always means navigating challenging emotions. Even the most exciting changes in our lives can bring anxiety. I’d say change is synonymous with anxiety - because any time we step out of our old routines, we have to develop new ones. And that means stepping out of our comfort zone into the unknown.
When change knocks at your door, knowing how to rest in a state of calm can be a huge skill to have. That way, whatever new feelings and emotions arise, you can rest in a state of calm abiding while the storms - even the welcome rainstorms - pass.
In this guided practice, I share a quick way to settle into a state of calm, and to identify any emotions that may want your attention. When you listen to your emotions, you learn where your work lies in adapting to the changes ahead.
Bonus: Journaling Prompt for EmotionsAt the end of this sixteen minute practice I share a writing prompt you can use to explore any emotions that may want attention.. Or you can simply listen to the guided yoga nidra practice without the emotional journaling prompt.
I hope you enjoy it! If you’d like to explore this practice further, join my live and online Journaling + Journeying group on Saturday mornings via Zoom. Click here for details on that and to sign up for this free journaling practice group.
In a dream the other night I was—like many of us these days - at a crossroads. I hesitated at an orange light, almost glad for it to turn red. There was so much uncertainty, I decided to simply stop for a moment and wait.
As the world changes shape, we’ve got some unknowns —small details like what life will look like post-pandemic, with all the personal details that may have shifted as a result.
Sometimes there are simply no clear directions on how to proceed. The way is obscured or obstructed, and you have to wait until the light dawns—or turns green. It’s easy to try to skip through this phase —or run the red light— to feel the illusion of progress. It’s uncomfortable to hang out in the unknown.
But while it can be tempting to rush through these uncomfortable feelings—or ignore them altogether—these are important moments to recognize. Rather than trying to avoid feeling that sensation of confusion, doubt and uncertainty, these emotions can provide the guidance we seek. Whatever path we are on, there are moments to pause and wait for clarity to dawn.
So what to do while waiting for clarity to dawn?Simple. The best thing to do is rest in the present moment, spacious and aware, without an agenda.
Resting in this spacious mind helps you develop the ability to stay with whatever is arising - whether it is indecision, anxiety, sorrow or frustration. When life takes an unknown turn, we need to grieve the life we lost - even if it was only in our mind.
When you are able to tolerate the vicissitudes of mind in all its manifestations, you become unconquerable.
The Vajrayana Buddhists call this recognizing your vajra essence—that adamantine, indestructible core of being that carries you through to the next phase unscathed by apparent phenomena. But unlike a diamond, it’s not indestructible because it is hard and impenetrable. It is indestructible because it is totally permeable and soft and open. According to the teachings of Vajrayana Buddhism, all of phenomena are impermanent, and thus empty of any intrinsic reality. There is no harm that can come to empty space. How can empty space harm space? There is nothing there to harm, so you can just rest in the play of phenomena.
Developing Clarity With Meditation PracticeThe practice of meditation helps you discover this indestructible space, and teaches you to dwell there—to ally with it. That clear spaciousness of mind can accommodate everything—darkness, storms, uncertainty—as well as the joys and triumphs, without being colored by the contents.
Since everything is impermanent, you rest in the space, observing phenomena like clouds in a big blue sky. They come; they go. Reacting to any of these “clouds” is an exercise in futility, since events are transitory and essentially substance-less. Circumstances are constantly changing, so when you get stuck in one storyline, you are then actually inhibiting a new situation from arising because you are still stuck with the old story. Stuck in one set of circumstances just when another set of circumstances is getting ready to arise.
Just because you find yourself in a tight spot, not knowing where to turn next does NOT mean you’ve done something wrong. Nature is not always sunny days and blooming roses. There are storms, drought, pandemics, locusts swarming that destroy an entire season’s efforts.
Destruction is part of the path.Karma is the law of cause and effect—you create conditions and then must deal with the results. Sometimes there are dues to pay. So you are not doing it wrong if it is not all going perfectly.
Sometimes you have to wait patiently for a new direction to reveal itself.
How do you know it’s the right direction?You know by the barometer in your body –the sensations that coalesce from a feeling tone. The way to know what is right for you is that you feel it. You know. If you don’t know, then wait. You will. Maybe.
If you don’t know, then sometimes it is necessary to take a step in one direction. You make your best guess and you just step. And you see what happens. Sometimes you just have to jump and take a risk, without knowing, without seeing without any safety net at all. But this is not a wild guess kind of step—it is the result of having spent some time sitting with, contemplating the situation, and finally realizing that at a certain point, thinking will take you no further, and you simply need to act.
Don’t get me wrong—tolerating the fear and uncertainty of a difficult moment is not for the faint hearted. It’s tough as hell to stay still and present when your heart is screaming run. But with practice this becomes the fuel. Learning to tolerate sensations in the body is the way to work with emotions. This becomes the practice itself—to stay with those moments of pain, panic or struggle. Then here’s the best part: these situations of darkness and uncertainty then actually become the fuel that propels you into the light. You’ve got to traverse the tunnel to get to the light at the end of it.
So what to do while waiting for clarity to dawn? Nothing. Enjoy the moment until you do know.
Click here for a free yoga nidra meditation with suggested journaling prompts to help you do nothing with ease.
You’ve no doubt heard that the Chinese symbol for crisis is a combination of ideas: danger and opportunity. When confronting a life crisis, you’re probably well aware of the potential dangers. Addiction and depression can have lasting and even irreversible consequences. But what about the opportunities presented by confronting a life crisis?
Confronting Life CrisisWhen circumstances dictate a change, you may not know how to respond. Shock and surprise can cloud your perception, making your life look unrecognizable. Or you may arrive at a life transition through the back door, when life suddenly feels too small, and you just know deep down that you need to make a big change.
Navigating a Life ChangeNo matter how you end up at the brink of a life transition, try these 6 steps to navigate the passage with greater clarity and ease.
- Create SpaceWhen making any big change, you’ll need space to create—mental space, and possibly a physical location to map out your next steps. Often we are so busy taking care of our survival needs that we simply don’t have the bandwidth to confront and address deeper emotional currents that are moving us in a new direction. Feelings can be messy and inconvenient, but if ignored too long they find ways of getting our attention—that may be less convenient than if we plan ahead and allow time and space to heal, and possibly grieve. Depression, addictions, physical symptoms and even suicidal thoughts can be signposts alerting us that we need to make a change in how we live.
- Seek SupportFind a friend, counselor or coach to talk to and share what’s going on. Bottling up emotions serves no-one. That doesn’t mean dumping on friends indiscriminately - get permission before enlisting a friend for the job. Choose a person who is willing and able to listen without judgement and offer space for you to go through what you need to. Ideally this is a person who does not have a vested interest in any particular outcome, and who can mirror things objectively back to you. If none of your friends fit the bill, hire someone.
- Prioritize Healthy RoutinesDuring times of stress (which is a by-product of change) it’s imperative to maintain physical and mental health. Find ways to support your own well-being by eating well, getting plenty of fresh air and sunshine, brisk exercise and time in nature, if possible. Move more, nourish with fresh fruits and vegetables, give the alcohol a break. Prioritize sleep and rest, away from the computer or smart phone. Let go of projects and relationships—temporarily or permanently (you can decide which later)—that pull you in too many different directions. Breathe.
- Slow Down and ListenDevelop a daily practice that speaks to you. Whether mindfulness meditation, gentle yoga, yoga nidra, walking meditation, or journaling, it is important to discover the vision of your inner wisdom. When you spend time with yourself in this type of contemplative dialogue, you establish a relationship with your inner wise guide. We all have a unique purpose and vision for our life here on Earth, and if you’ve spent your life living someone else’s vision, chances are you may not even know what you want out of life. So sit down, follow your breath, and let the voice of your inner wisdom speak.
- Practice Loving KindnessThere will be days when it may feel futile. You may get lost, confused, give up hope. Learn to identify when you truly need a break from the work and have a tool kit available for those days. A good friend to cry with, an audio book to get lost in, a trip to the local hot-springs or spa. Know where your emergency resources are so that you can call on them when necessary. This is not a process that can be forced, so don’t pressure yourself to be somewhere you are not yet.
- Wait for Clarity to DawnPatience, as they say, is a virtue. It’s also a bitch. That period between the knowledge that change is imminent, and the arrival of a new set of circumstances can be challenging to stay with. When I feel impatient for the next steps to be revealed, I get on the hiking trail and stomp. Or I throw paint on canvas. Patience is necessary, but that doesn’t mean you have to wait submissively. The point is not to rush to force a quick change that is not in alignment with your longer term goals. Let the energy of the emotions course through you to create the circumstances, then the change will reveal itself on its own.
Managing a life crisis with clarity is possible. Just because your life might be in crisis, it doesn’t mean YOU need to be. Think of paramedics and first responders who deal with crisis all day long. By viewing your life with a bit of detachment, you create the distance necessary to maintain clarity.
Creating DetachmentHow do you create that detachment? By practicing mindfulness and awareness of the moment to moment contents of the mind.
Detachment is different from callousness. It is a shift in perspective that enlarges your view to accommodate anything that arises, without attachment or rejection. When your view is as large as the sky, there is space for whatever arises within it. Then no matter what crisis might arise, there is always room to grow.
Want to learn more about developing a daily meditation practice? Click here for a guided at-home retreat.
Remember when your life was all set up just the way you wanted it, everything was going as planned and you had absolutely nothing to worry about?
Yeah, me neither.
Life as we have known it is changing, fast. We have no idea how it will turn out, or when. But this has always been the case - life is always uncertain. Not just when wildfires, floods, global pandemics and mass social unrest plague the planet.
In case you are romanticizing the life you used to have, let me remind you:
Uncertainty has always been part of life. So much in the news recently is leading us to crazy-making extremes of hope and fear. We hope to resume life on a normal level to decrease our anxiety. We fear not being able to survive in the new circumstances. Relaxing into either of these extremes is extraordinarily challenging.
But if we practice relaxing with whatever arises we get better at it. And really, do we have a choice?
Relaxing into uncertainty is a skill we can develop. The trick is to catch ourselves whenever we feel the urge to feed a thought or emotion. It certainly is exciting to feed the drama. But is it helpful? Does it make you more healthy, happy or wise?
Learning to relax is a skill.There are tools to help you develop this skill. Try this guided meditation for anxiety, this short guided relaxation, or use one of these writing prompts to help you navigate the changes.
I am also convinced that spending time in nature or immersed in art appreciation are fantastic ways to relax.
Create time in your day to simply stop and rest. It goes agains the speedy, “get-er-done” culture many of us inhabit. But stopping to simply relax and smell the roses is one of the most powerful tools we have to maintain our mental and emotional health.
Working with uncertainty is the path of transformation.According to Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche, working with uncertainty is the spiritual path.
He wrote:
The spiritual journey is not a very easy one, absolutely not easy at all. It demands a lot from us. And we may not find what we want, absolutely not. Our questions may not be answered one by one. But something else is taking place. Maybe the question mark itself is beginning to rot, become disheveled, and turn into a period, full stop. Maybe that is happening. It's a possibility. And that seems to be the process of the whole journey: dissolving the question mark into a full stop. The question mark becomes a statement or an exclamation, rather than a hollow line longing to be filled by answers.
Acceptance is the only way forwardAcceptance is the key to relaxing into uncertainty. When you no longer struggle to control a specific outcome, your senses become more open; more tuned in to the surroundings. And here's the irony: once you relax, your intuition kicks in, and you receive the guidance you need to proceed.
Whether you call it beginner's mind, or not knowing, or relaxing into uncertainty, the quality of mind that arises when you let go of the struggle to control outcomes is the quality of mind that doesn't need to control outcomes because it's content to enjoy the journey.
When you access a state of alert relaxation and apply it to your life circumstances, then you don't need to know where you are going. Then the destination becomes less of a focus, because you suddenly realize that wonderful surprises can occur at any point along the way. Without uncertainty, how would we ever be happily surprised?
How do you relax with uncertainty? BONUS WRITING PROMPTS: * How is uncertainty manifesting in your life right now? * What is the worst-case outcome? * Who would you become if you relaxed into the situation?
It’s easy to get overwhelmed these days. I probably don’t need to tell you that.
Our mental health and emotional wellbeing depend on learning to manage this overwhelm. In order to do that, it helps to develop a daily practice of tuning in to a deeper state of awareness that is peaceful, still and grounded.
This state of ease is our true nature when you take away the distractions of daily life.
I’m not advising ignoring your responsibilities, but in order to be more present to your responsibilities, you can learn to infuse your day with this felt-sense of ease and peace. Try it and see!
Here is a short practice you can do to find ease in the midst of chaos.
One of the benefits of meditation practice - when done regularly—is the development of insight that might normally pass under our awareness. Though traditional approaches to meditation don’t explicitly focus on developing these powers - it is generally recommended to not pay too much attention to these “extra-sensory” perceptions—it is true that they can occur.
The more you develop your meditation practice, the more you may notice coincidences, premonitions and other “psychic” phenomena. Perhaps the most important is the ability to connect with your inner wisdom, also known as your guides.
Check out this short interview I did recently to discover how meditation can help you connect with your guides to develop this awareness.
Pranayama is a yogic practice that works with refining the flow of breath in order to effect changes in the mind.
Pranayama is a compound of two Sanskrit words, prana and ayama. Prana is our life-force energy, also known as chi in the Chinese system. Ayama means to lengthen or stretch. So in pranayama practice, we practice lengthening the breath in order to increase the life-force energy.
What is prana?Prana is what animates us. For example, when we have just come in from a brisk walk in the woods, we may feel a healthy tingling sensation in the body. This is prana manifesting.
Prana manifests as--and is an indication of-- vibrant good health and a sense of alert presence. While we can’t directly manipulate prana, we can cultivate it by manipulating the breath.
How can a beginner practice working with prana?Prana rides on the breath. So we engaged in breathing practice in order to cultivate prana in the system.
Before engaging in a pranayama practice, start with a yoga asana practice to ensure that the physical body can accommodate the influx of new prana. Even simple sun salutations can help prepare the body, which will help align the nadis or subtle energy channels through which the prana flows.
Nadis are like the meridians used in acupuncture. When the nadis are clear, the prana can flow unobstructedly.
For a simple pranayama practice you can do at home, try this:* Find a quiet space where you can be comfortable and undisturbed for 15-20 minutes * Lie down with your knees bent and your feet on the floor * Place your hands on your low belly about four inches below your navel * Close your eyes and draw your attention to your breath * Count your breaths slowly from one to eight-- inhaling to a count of eight, then exhaling to a count of eight * Go at your own pace so you never a lack of breath - keep it nice and easy and don’t force * Relax the body so that each breath starts to even out, creating a harmonious rhythm of inhale and exhale * When you are finished, extend the legs and rest quietly for a few minutes, feeling the energy
To learn more about pranayama:See my book, Ashtanga Yoga for Beginner's Mind, or listen to this guided pranayama practice
Get more tips on developing your at-home yoga practice:This post originally appeared in How to Create the Ideal Space to Practice Yoga at Home: Experts Tips on Porch.com. Go there to get more expert tips for developing your at-home yoga practice!
Dreams can be bewildering and magical experiences. We might tend to ignore them simply because we can’t make sense of them—sometimes they are just so Out There! But those strange stories and images are not random or meaningless. Dreams are a rich source of guidance if we know how to listen.
Sometimes, from the perspective of our waking consciousness, there are simply no clear directions on how to proceed in life. The way forward is obscured by darkness.
This is when the wisdom of our dreams can help.
The Wisdom of DreamsIt’s tempting to skip through a dark or shadowy phase and push forward to greener pastures. It’s uncomfortable to hang out in the scary dark unknown. We might try to avoid feeling that sensation of confusion, doubt and uncertainty. We may check out with our favorite addiction, or jump on the first bandwagon that comes along.
We when we try to force a solution before it’s time, we subvert the guidance of our inner wisdom. We get stuck in our known storyline, just when another set of circumstances may be getting ready to arise.
Rather than rushing through that state of not-knowing (the “don’t-know-mind” that Zen encourages), we could recognize it as fertile ground for growth. Sometimes patience and doing nothing are exactly what is required.
Robert Moss, in his recent book, Growing Big Dreams, offers some excellent insight on how to navigate this process using dream imagery. Try this wayfinding exercise to learn how to proceed using your internal navigation system.
Wayfinding Exercise:1. Settle in to the present moment using any meditation technique that works for you. 2. Identify your destination. Where do you want to go? This may not be an actual physical destination - in fact it’s probably not. It’s more likely a state of mind or being. Visualize the elements of this state of being, and feel them with your senses. Identifying where you want to go is half the journey. Let your body express what it longs for. Let your vision expand to allow for the possibility of your wildest dreams. Don’t fall for the critic’s voice telling you it’s not possible. 3. Hold your vision in your mind. Is there more you would like to add to this place. Be shameless! Ask for what you want. Don’t hold back. 4. Return to body. Stretch out and feel the residue from that experience. Make notes of the visuals, soundtrack, smells, feelings that are present. How does it feel in the body? 5. Choose a talisman to represent this experience. Find a physical object that will hold and carry your vision--. “Something that will hold the energy and magic of the vision and help you to revive that.” 6. Now identify the THREE STEPS, or obstacles you may need to overcome. What are the three main steps between you and your vision? If you can picture your blocks or envision the journey, you can identify the next three steps. These are the choice points that will 7. start to change your direction.
When the soul wishes to experience something, she throws an image of the experience out before her and enters into her own image.
~Meister Eckhart
Images are visual cues for the consciousness awareness to use as guideposts. Our dreams are very smart! Our subconscious chooses images precisely to convey messages that are meaningful to us in our unique way of understanding.
So a dream of a rabbit in a hat will mean something different for me than it will for you. Associations and memories imbue images with our own personal meaning. This is what gives dreams their inherent power to speak to us and guide us.
“What if I don’t remember my dreams?” you may say. Like any inner work, dream incubation is a practice.
Remembering Your DreamsOne way to start working with dreams more closely is to keep a dream journal and write in it daily. Even if you don’t remember your dream from the previous night, write down “no dreams to report,’ as a way to signal to your subconscious that you are committed to developing a relationship with your dreams.
When we start to pay attention to the wisdom of our dreams, they will show up more regularly to send guidance and show us the way.
For Further Practice:Join us on Saturday mornings for a free journaling group to discover more ways to invite guiding imagery. Click here to learn more.
Are you aware of the messages your body is sharing with you? If not you may be missing out on some valuable guidance.
Yoga Nidra I-Rest meditation is a somatic meditation practice that guides you through different levels of awareness of the subtle body. It helps you to identify your experience on the most profound levels so you can "work with it" consciously.
What does it mean to work with your experience?I confess this was a block for me until I recently discovered a concept that was blocking my understanding. Working with your experience does not mean fixing it. It's doesn't mean making it change or go away. And it doesn't mean ignoring it.
Working with your obstacles and challenges starts by identifying and accepting them. That's it. It sounds so ridiculously simple. But the act of bringing our challenges into bodily awareness - on a sensation level - allows us to incorporate (bring into the body) our experience and keep the energy flowing. When energy flow, things shift and we evolve.
Listen to this guided relaxation to discover insights right under your nose—literally!
Want to try this yourself? Join us for a weekly live guided session on Saturday mornings, Mountain time. Click here to get your free invite.
In Light on Yoga, BKS Iyengar describes the benefits of Savasana:
“By remaining motionless for some time and keeping the mind still while you are fully conscious, you learn to relax. This conscious relaxation invigorates and refreshes both body and mind. But it is much harder to keep the mind than the body still. Therefore, this apparently easy posture is one of the most difficult to master.”
How often do you finish your savasana practice and realize you weren’t present for most of it?
In order to begin training the mind to stay present and reap the benefits of this profound practice, it helps to have some tools. One of my favorite practices to train the mind in staying present for savasana is yoga nidra.
What is Yoga Nidra?Yoga nidra means “yogic sleep.” It is a tantric practice that helps to develop deep relaxation and body awareness. Swami Satyananda Saraswati calls it, “a state of mind between wakefulness and dream.”
It is a grounding meditation technique that encourages the “mind awake, body asleep” state of consciousness. Accessing this state of mind can profoundly affect your meditation practice, and all aspects of being.
As a yoga practitioner, you’re probably well aware that wisdom is held in the body. In order to release it, or uncover it, we need to let go of the blocks that prevent it from coming to our awareness. There is nothing to do. We simply need to get out of our own way.
Richard Miller writes,
“During Yoga Nidra you enter a profound state of receptive relaxation, all the while remaining totally aware and alert throughout its process. Yoga Nidra invites your innate intelligence and intrinsic clarity to rise to the surface of your conscious mind, allowing you to uncover and access the wisdom resources of your higher levels of consciousness.”
To experience a guided practice by Richard Miller, click here.
Benefits of Yoga Nidra Yoga nidra is not about “sleep” as we understand it in our mundane daily vocabulary, but rather about that state of being body asleep /mind awake. A different level of awareness that comes only when we relax and release into a deeper level. The state of deep relaxation with high levels of awareness can be elusive - if you are busy remembering or planning, you might miss it.
The Liminal StateWhen we are in a state between worlds--a sort of threshold of consciousness. Anthropologist Victor Turner proposed that this state is ripe for change, because when we are at that moment of transition, we are not operating according to an old set of laws, and the new set of laws are not apparent to us. So there is a sort of dis-integration of the old system that allows for something new to arise.
Turner writes:
“Moments or periods of transition during which the normal limits to thought, self-understanding and behavior are relaxed, opening the way to novelty and imagination, construction and destruction.”
This process occurs on an individual level, when a person has an insight or makes a break-through, but it can also happen on a more systemic level. We might say the world is going through such a liminal state while it transitions from pre to post-pandemic.
The liminal state and how that level of consciousness can expand our awareness of what this reality is. It can show us our limited perception of what we call reality.
Yoga Nidra and SavasanaFrom a very ordinary perspective, we might liken yoga nidra to a guided savasana practice. it’s a way of staying present during a state of deep relaxation - the same instruction that is given for savasana.
But people often rush through the practice of savasana or skip it entirely. Many of us—in a busy, world defined by materialistic standards— simply have not been alerted to the benefits of deep rest and relaxation.
What are the challenges of yoga nidra? Falling asleep. Many people fall asleep during a yoga nidra practice session, and while this can be immensely relaxing and rejuvenating, it’s not the point of the practice. The point is to hover at the edge of sleep but keep your awareness awake. * Skipping the practice. It can be tempting to skip this practice when you don’t understand the profound benefits. * Letting the mind wander.* It’s so easy to retreat to the thinking mind when we are given permission to rest. Much of modern culture equates relaxation with mindless distraction. So to learn the art of true relaxation it helps to develop a formal practice. Yoga nidra is ideal for this.
The Final Resting PoseAt some point we need to let go into the void! Whether it’s the end of a practice or the end of an era, transitioning gracefully into the final resting pose is a practice, and an art. Think of it as the art of conscious relaxation.
As with any practice, the way we become adept is by showing up and adapting. The practice evolves as we do.
Try this:During your savasana practice - or as you drop into sleep tonight - try spending a few minutes being present with your body and breath. Notice sensations that come into your awareness, rather than your thoughts. Be in the body and observe all the details.
Want to experience this practice for yourself? Join me on Saturday mornings for a guided practice online. Click here for details.
Learning to manage anxiety has never been more important. I read somewhere recently that Google searches for anxiety relief were up 800%. It’s clear the pandemic is taking its toll on mental health and emotional wellbeing.
Add to that the daily drama of US elections, your family dynamics, economic uncertainty, fears of your future and how to get dinner on the table when going to the grocery store has become a major health hazard, and you’ve got one potent, anxious mix.
I’m not suggesting that anxiety will go away with these activities - or even that it should. Anxiety occurs when we lean into change. It is a necessary component of growth. But you can mitigate the effects of anxiety by paying attention to what you can reasonably tolerate, and learning to titrate your experience.
Here are 20 ways to help you manage anxiety:1. Go take a hike! Find a lake in your neighborhood and go walk around it... Bonus points if you bring a friend. 2. Listen to an audio book...one that you would be too intimidated to tackle in hardback. 3. Better yet share a book with someone and take turns reading to each other, either live or on the phone. 4. Make a pot of herbal tea with calming herbs such as passionflower, hops, skullcap, camomile, lavender, lemon balm or kava kava. 5. Fill your house with plants! Nature heals ...so when you are cooped up inside, bring nature indoors. 6. Take your journal somewhere quiet with a view and write using these writing prompts. 7. Join or create a weekly or monthly online support group with 3 of your besties. 8. Offer to bring someone dinner - an elderly neighbor or stressed out mother. Generosity is one of the best ways to get out of our own drama. 9. Get a new cook book and learn 3 new recipes that will help you clean up your diet. Try going sugar free for a week. 10. Recommit to a daily meditation practice. Find a series of audio guided meditations (like these) that will renew your enthusiasm and help you go to a deeper level with your meditation. 11. Get on your bike. Ride to the park and bring your lunch. If it's cold bundle up like you are going skiing. 12. Brainstorm new ways to develop or even make a living using your creativity. Get a notebook designated only for this and make notes in it daily. 13. Keep a journal to download whatever emotional baggage you need to release. Make sure at the end of each entry you practice identifying at least one thing you are grateful for. 14. Keep in touch with old friends or renew old friendships. 15. Take naps! Make deep rest a part of your daily practice. Listen to this guided relaxation to help you get started. 16. Doodle or draw. Make a set of small blank cards by cutting up a piece of watercolor paper. Keep a stack of markers, colored pencils or water colors next to your desk. Get them out when you are on the phone or on a zoom call. Studies have shown that doodling actually helps increase our listening retention. 17. Create a sleep ritual. Set a bedtime and stick to it. Create a nightly routine that helps prepare the mind and body for sleep. Take a warm bath with soothing essential oils. Drink a cup of calming tea and put your dream journal on your nightstand so you can write down your dreams first thing when you wake up. Put your phone in the other room. 18. Listen to soothing music. Try a music app to discover new playlists and musical genres...like “music for sleep”, “binaural beats” or “Nepal meditations”. 19. Discover all the virtual art exhibits online these days. Make a weekly “artist date” with yourself. If you like original art, click here for a chance to win a free drawing each first Friday. 20. Watch an indie movie or an old classic….something from another era or culture, preferably without violence. I love Mubi.com these days. They upload a new movie each day. 21. Organize a closet or drawer and make a donation to the local homeless shelter.
Want more support to help you manage anxiety? Click here to join our free weekly journaling group.
Life transitions invite anxiety. There’s no way around it. But this kind of anxiety is actually good for you.
What? Did I just say anxiety is good?
To be clear, anxiety comes in different varieties. Clinical anxiety is an acute disorder that warrants professional treatment. But low levels of anxiety are a regular feature of daily experience. Anxiety arises whenever we are asked—or forced—to step outside our comfort zone. Life transitions—even positive ones - are anything but comfortable.
Transition offers opportunity for growth. And growth causes anxiety.
Here are 4-steps negotiating life transitions with ease:1. Identify the challengeWhat are you transitioning from? What do you need to release? Start where you are; get present and honest with yourself about what’s going on. Most of the messages we get from the environment pass under out radar. So pay attention to your thoughts and don’t necessarily believe all of them. Own up to what it is you’d like to release or invite into your life, and ask for it. If you are not clear, ask for clarity.
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Bring awareness to the situationThis nature of mind is only accessible in the present moment. The easiest way to access it is through coming back to the breath. A mindfulness practice like sitting meditation is essentially a tool to train the mind to be present. Find a method and develop the habit of coming back to your experience in the present moment. Click here for a library of guided meditations.
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Healing through feelingIdentify your style of checking out. We all have ways of dealing with the stress of life, some more helpful and healthy than others. Get to know your habitual patterns by observing your experience - your thoughts, reactions, physical sensations and storylines associated with these experiences. Recognize the emotions that cause you to contract. Notice your resistance—your urge to check out or numb an emotion. Identify blocks and obstacles and fears. Keep coming back to sensations in the body. Here is a short guided practice to help you do this:
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Let go and allow for the unexpectedThis last step is the most important: to get out of your own way! This is where your intention gets plugged in to something larger than you. You are not the driver. You don’t need to fix, explain or control the outcome. You can set the course by visualizing your intention, but you have to eventually give up the illusion of being in control. Open to magic.
Whatever life transition you are going through will be initiated by some sort of message, and often these messages come in the form of obstacles. The obstacle IS your invitation to transition, like a friendly hand held out to help you across the stream. Negotiating life transitions with ease is taking the hand, confronting the momentary anxiety and discovering where it wants to take you. You know what you are stepping away from, but there is a moment after stepping, before the next foothold becomes apparent, where you just have to wait and trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. You are.
Change is rarely ease-y, but when we struggle against it we cause more suffering. Learning to bring a sense of ease to the process of growth is a skill that can be developed. It is not a quick-fix “pill” to make the pain go away. When you learn to stay with your process, and tolerate the inconvenience of difficult emotions like anxiety, then —and only then—will you invite your heart-felt mission to manifest.
Pranayama is a practice of slowing down the breathing—while in a simple yoga posture. It’s a discreet breathing practice that often gets overlooked in the popular world of yoga.
When beginning any practice, it’s natural to aim for results. If you are new to yoga, you might seek perfected postures or peace of mind, because this is what we are often promised. After practicing yoga for a while, you start to realize that goals are elusive. When you finally achieve these goals, you see that awareness of the process itself—rather than the result-- is the most important thing.
You may achieve a posture and lose it due to injury. Or a loved one dies and your peace of mind get shattered. Perhaps your career was just coming together and a global pandemic hit. Poof! Goals are impermanent and elusive. What you thought would be a prize is not a prize at all, but just a new vantage point.
The Path Is The GoalAn evolving yoga practice will shift focus over the years and reveal new insights. Goals that brought you to yoga in the first place might be replaced by new motivations as you deepen your awareness.
As Buddhist meditation master Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche said, the path is the goal.
The goal, if there is one, is to be right where you are.
Focusing On The BreathThe breath is the most convenient tool for getting into the present moment. It is always with us, and is a direct mirror of your state of mind. Steady your breath, and you automatically steady your mind.
In order to steady the breath, you need to align your posture, which is the benefit of yoga asana. When you start aligning the posture, the subtle channels (nadis) start to clear, allowing the inner winds (prana) to flow without obstruction. Once the prana is flowing, the mind naturally settles.
When you stop to observe the breath, another part of the brain engages, letting you drop conceptual mind and enter into another, subtler state of awareness. “Getting into your body” is just another way of saying focusing on the breath.
This naturally takes you out of your thinking mind.
Observing the breath will:* slow you down to pay better attention * help you develop awareness * immediately bring you into the present * relax and de-stress you * show you where you might be holding tension * engender a sense of ease * bring you into the body, to alert you to any insights or warning signs that might be unconscious
Pranayama: Breathing PracticeThe art of breathing is a practice in itself. Nowhere else is such untapped power to be found within our reach, literally right under your nose. This is where to begin and is also the foundation for the subtlest and most advanced practices.
The formal technique of breathing practice is called pranayama. Prana is sometimes translated as “life force.” Prana rides the breath, and since it is otherwise impossible to measure prana, the breath is the only manifest indicator we have to observe the flow of prana. Pranayama practice consists of different ways of manipulating or “stretching” (ayama) the breath in order to move the prana.
When we have blockages in our system, due to injury, illness or years of patterned behavior, prana can stagnate, and in essence, boycott certain areas of the body and mind. Working with the breath in pranayama practice can dissolve these obstacles and create clear pathways in the subtle energy channels of the body. Then the life force can flow freely, unobstructed. The results are sometimes intangible, but clearly noticeable. When someone radiates good health, prana is thriving.
A Simple Breathing TechniqueThe simplest way to begin is to:
- Lie on the floor with the feet flat on the floor, up by the hips, knees toward the ceiling. Separate the feet. Alternatively, lie down with your legs up the wall.
- Place the fingers on the low belly, about four inches below the navel. Notice the movement of the belly, or the lack of it as you breathe. Spend a few minutes just watching the relationship between the movement of the belly and the breath.
- Relax the muscles of the face; relax the jaw and tongue. Gradually slow down and deepen the breath so that the belly rises and falls with each inhale and exhale, respectively. Spend a few moments just observing the breath without trying to do anything particular with it. Just watch.
- Let the lungs expand against the ribcage on the inhale. As you exhale, try to keep the ribcage expanding. Keep the seed or physical memory of the inhale as you exhale, and vice versa. On inhaling, the tendency is to float up and lose your ground. So during inhale, make an effort to stay grounded, keeping in contact with the pelvic floor, and engaging the muscles of the very low belly. As you exhale, the tendency is to collapse the heart and give in to gravity. Here the instruction is to remember to be uplifted and light. So keep lightness in the exhale, and ground in the inhale
- At any point on the spectrum of the breath cycle, maintain the awareness of the opposing force. If you favor the inhale over the exhale, you might take on too many projects. If you favor the exhale, you might prefer the release of freedom and fear commitment. Becoming aware of these preferences can change your life: by helping you become aware of where you are out of balance.
Listen to a guided pranayama practice here: Breath and mind are intimately linked. The quality of breath gives you clues about your state of mind. Learn to read the breath so that you can maintain harmony in the mind and body. Breath generally avoids tight spots; so try extending an invitation to the breath to help soften those areas.
Like any aspect of the yoga practice, there are two ways to approach things: too tight and too loose. Look for the balance between the two poles.
The one thing advanced yoga practitioners know? The breath is the most powerful tool to access awareness and realize that there is no goal.
Want more tools and tips for stress reduction and working with emotions? Join us on Saturdays for a free guided yoga nidra practice group. Click here to learn more.
I discovered journaling when I was eleven, when my grandmother offered me a blank journal one year for Christmas. It was such a profound experience—being able to express my emotions without anyone scolding me for complaining—that I have kept up this practice since then.
Take care of your mental health.Something profound happens when we are able to express our emotions without fear of reprisal or criticism. Emotions are energy that travels through the body. If we don’t dispel that energy, it gets stuck there. Free-writing practice is a simple method to help emotions rise to the surface consciousness so we can eventually release them.
It has had such a positive effect on my life that I even wrote a book that shares the power of journaling practice. The practice itself is so simple. All you need is a notebook and a pen, and some quiet time. There are 3 simple guidelines—write by hand, write without stopping or editing, and don’t let anyone else see it.
That’s it.
If you’d like to try if for yourself, use these 5 writing prompts to help you get started:1. The excuse I use for not living my life fully… 2. Dear Inner Critic: (write a letter to him or her, or a dialogue between both “parties”) 3. If I had a year to live, this would matter to me… 4. What I pretend not to know… 5. If I knew I could not fail, I would…
Just as our bodies need daily care to keep healthy, so does our mind. Daily journaling practice clears the mind of the previous day’s residue and helps us be more fully present. It can also help us see things in our lives more clearly.
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When asked how he stayed so even and content, J. Krishnamurti put it this way, "I don't mind what happens." Some days, along with Rhett Butler, I put it like this: "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn." While that's not entirely in the spirit of the fourth immeasurable, the idea of letting go of outcomes is at the heart of equanimity.
Equanimity, the last (but not least) of the four immeasurables. Read more about the Four Immeaurables here.
In previous posts, I wrote about the immeasurable qualities of loving kindness, compassion, and empathetic joy. These are recognized in both the Hindu and Buddhist views as foundational cornerstones of emotional stability. Equanimity is an attitude of radical acceptance. It is regarding all sentient beings as equals. It is also the practice of viewing all apparent phenomena as dreamlike, illusory and impermanent. That way, we can accept whatever arises, whether or not the situation conforms to our wishes.
Full cup, no new tea.I recently realized that an entire phase of my life that I thought was a long-term path needed to dissolve. I was hanging on to something that ended long ago - or never really came to fruition. I kept hoping things would come together in a coherent and conclusive way. I finally had to accept that the vision I had created of this "ideal life" was at odds with how things were actually going. By hanging on I was blocking a natural evolution to the next phase of life.
The only way to move on was to let things fall apart.
We have to unravel the knots before we can weave a new cloth. Or, as a friend shared with me recently: full cup, no new tea. Change is part of life, and sometimes we have to accept some hard truths before we're willing to let go.
What inhibits us from accepting failure as readily as we accept success? If all appearances are projections of mind, then why do we get so attached to one illusion over another? By hanging on to a situation that had surpassed its shelf-life, I was delaying the uncomfortable admission that the situation had not been a success. I had to admit defeat.
We know change is part of life, and yet most of us still get hung up on certain experiences, hoping they will work out and last forever. Without an attitude of equanimity, failure is virtually synonymous with suffering. But failure is simply a big cosmic NO, directing us to something more suitable.
Mental steadiness and emotional balance in the face of change is our best defense against suffering. Put in common language, this simply means we don't let things get to us. But how do we do this?
Immeaurable Equanimity: The Universal PanaceaWhen we practice cultivating equanimity, we strengthen our ability to tolerate experience. To become a sublime state of mind, however, the attitude of equanimity has to be extended to all sentient beings. We recognize that, like us, all beings suffer. This eventually allows us to be more accepting of others when they act out of suffering. We see how easily it is for our relationships to transform. A friend becomes an enemy; a lover becomes a stranger; an enemy becomes a family member. And these relationships may transform yet again.
We can never rely on things staying the same. The only way I've discovered to tolerate these situations without falling victim to emotional landmines is to develop immeasurable equanimity. Then the reference point is internal, so whether friend, lover, enemy, family member or stranger, I can see a sentient being struggling to find happiness and I can wish them well. I can wish us both well.
Then, while I may give a damn, I don't mind what happens.
Equanimity is like the great medicine that allows us to tolerate adversity without falling prey to anger. Instead of rousing up in battle, we can develop the clarity to plan an approach based in wisdom and compassion. In times when chaos abounds, equanimity can be a source of great strength.
Loving kindness is the simple aspiration to be happy. It includes wishing for our own happiness, as well as the happiness of others. But it's more than a wish - it’s the confidence that we can actually be happy - that we deserve to be happy - and it involves an active participation in that process.
But true happiness is different than the temporary happiness we might feel when something goes our way. True happiness not dependent on outer circumstances. It comes from within-- it comes from loving ourselves. But before we can experience it, we have to learn to recognize it. Can you identify moments in your life when you were happy for no good reason? This recognition of what makes us truly happy is the beginning of loving kindness. When we can extend loving kindness to ourselves, it is the birth of self-love.
Before we can get there, we have to get HERE.
Watch or listen to this guided meditation to learn a simple technique to do that.
We are in unprecedented times, struggling to respond appropriately to a mountain of uncertainty. I’d be surprised if you weren’t feeling somewhat anxious.
Managing anxiety in the face of adversity is one of the big challenges of being human. When threats appear—whether perceived or actual—our primal instinct is to flee or fight, both of which require a surge of adrenaline.
Anxiety is a prolonged experience of that natural defense mechanism. But used for long-term defense, it is an inadequate response. You know that if you spend too much time in that zone, it doesn’t feel so good, does it?
So when the world as you know it falls apart, you need a long-term strategy. This requires that you develop resilience.
Definition of Resilience:* the ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity. * the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.
Developing resilience is the ability to tolerate intense emotions and not crumble. It is strength derived from fortitude. The way to discover that strength is to ground the circuitry in the body. What does that mean?
It means training the body and mind to tolerate intensity. Much like an electrical outlet needs ground in order to not short-circuit, our nervous systems need ground. One way you can develop this by practicing yoga and meditation.
What Does Resilience Look Like?Characteristics of resilient people may be defined differently, but the way to detect resilience is primarily by an absence of reactivity. Resilient people don’t whine or complain. They don’t lash out in irrational anger or blame others for their own inability to tolerate a situation.
When facing a crisis or emergency, resilience is probably the most important tool in your kit. It’s what will guide you to clarity and wise choices—because it gives you the ability to slow down long enough to make choices, rather than react.. Resilience keeps you grounded in the reality of the present moment so you can respond, rather than react out of fear.
As a psychotherapist and online counselor for the past 25 years, I see people crumble for lack of resilience. So often the key to remaining steady in the face of change is to simply learn to stay still and tolerate the circumstances--like ducking under the surface momentarily to let a wave crash over you. But if you panic you get caught in the turbulence.
The magnitude of a problem might feel overwhelming. It’s just SO BIG. But if you can allow a bit of space to infiltrate your mind, then whatever might be troubling you starts to take on a new perspective--the space is always larger.
The answer always lies in befriending the space and allowing that spaciousness to express its sanity. YOu can learn to inject moments of spaciousness in your mind throughout your day. Want a great tool to learn this? Listen to a free guided meditation for anxiety.
What Is Resilience?* Patience * Forbearance * Discipline in staying focused on the positive * Wisdom * Alignment with your inner guidance * Steadfastness * Generosity * Delayed gratification * Confidence that you will come out the other end of whatever is happening * Acceptance that death is real, and we will all face it at some point in our life
What Resilience Is Not:* Checking your phone every five minutes for updates * Wishing things to be different than they are * Impatience * Busy-ness as a distraction * Anger * Hopelessness * Giving up * Denial * Numbing out * addiction
Resilience Is An Awareness PracticeResilience is a practice of developing awareness. The key is to learn to tolerate the sensation of fear long enough to determine the appropriate course of action. If a threat is simply a product of our imagination (such as when we mistakenly take a coiled rope in the dark for a snake) then the appropriate course of action is to relax and let go of the emotion. This can be easier said than done.
Once you invest in an emotion—whether or not it is an appropriate response to a given situation—it develops momentum, making it harder to release, even if you know logically that your reasoning is flawed. Fear doesn’t really understand reasoning. So the best way to combat the anxiety associated with irrational fears is to approach it through the body.
How To Develop ResilienceResilience is learning to stay the course when you lose your way, or the course itself seems to be falling apart. Maintaining resilience is not succumbing to exhaustion and overwhelm, but rather feeling confident that no matter what happens, you will do your very best to confront the challenges. It’s not giving in to a victim mentality--even though you may feel fear.
Even when the horizon looks so bleak you’d rather turn around and hide under a tree. Developing resilience is staying the path because, frankly, there is no other option. The path is life itself and if you choose to curl up and take a time-out, then that is also part of the path. So resilience is recognizing this and not giving up even when things look so bleak you can’t imagine ever seeing blue skies again.
Rest assured that --even though it may be obscured by thick clouds at the moment--the sky is not going anywhere. Learning to ally with that vast spaciousness and not the dramatic weather patterns is the practice of developing resilience.
Even if there are stormy skies for the foreseeable future, the blue sky is always there, and it always holds space for us to grow.
Want more tools to work with anxiety? Click here to learn simple + practical tools to manage anxiety.
How many times have you heard someone say, "I never could have done it without my supportive husband/wife"?
I'm happy for those people.
But what about those of us who don't have that kind of support--who remain or find ourselves newly single, either by choice or chance?
How do we carve out a fulfilling life as a single while the world shouts at us that the one and only joy of life is to be in a committed intimate partnership? How do we learn to love ourselves when our lives look different from the Hollywood norm?
More urgently, how do you learn to love yourself when your life doesn’t look like YOU expected?
Thanks to social media, we are exposed on so many levels these days to "the ideal life" and examples of how we should be living it. This environment is filled with possibilities to beat ourselves up if we don't fit into neatly defined categories, with socially acceptable labels.
So it's worth making a practice of learning to accept ourselves and our choices, and learn to love ourselves exactly as we are, right now.
Accept Yourself As You AreIf you can’t accept where you are, then you can’t move forward. It’s like locating yourself on the map—you have to know where you are before any map can be helpful.
We can fantasize that things will be different some day. But some day is now. And if your circumstances are different than you hoped for, it can be painful to accept the way things are. But this, ironically is the only way to move forward.
All through my 20s and 30s most of my friends assumed my choice to not have children was a temporary phase, based on lack of self-knowledge.
“i don’t want children,” I’d say.
And they would reply breezily, ” Oh, you might change your mind someday.”
True. I might have. But I didn’t.
For 20 years or more many of my friends and family members doubted what I told them. They didn’t believe me because culturally its’ what I was expected to do.
Recently, after a lifetime of chaotic relationships—surely due to my own confusion and neediness—I realized I am finally feeling content as a single. I mentioned this to one of those old friends recently.
“Oh, but that might change someday,” she said.
And I hit the roof. Because I saw the damage I had been doing to myself.
Accept Yourself FirstYes, I might. But that’s not the point. The point is that I am content. Right now. But because my situation doesn’t fit with her expectation, she perceived my response as somehow unfinished, untrue, unworthy.
I saw how the younger version of myself would eat up this judgement and feed it into my own feelings of unworthiness. I had mistaken her discomfort with the situation as proof that I needed to be fixed.
So why am I bringing all this up? Because I suddenly saw how others’ expectations—and my failure to meet those expectations—has contributed to a lifetime of self-abuse and criticism. If those who know and love me can’t accept my choices, how can I?
Right?
Um, no.
And that’s why I’m bringing this up. I realized I had it backward. I kept waiting for others to accept me and my unconventional choices (such as teaching Ashtanga Yoga around the world for many years) before I would allow me to accept myself. That’s not how it works.
You don’t need anyone else to accept your choices. YOU must accept your choices. Only then will you accept yourself. We have to be the ones to show our loved ones how to accept our choices.
Show Others How To Accept Your ChoicesHow do you respond to people who “have your best interests at heart” but who end up making you feel like you aren’t measuring up?
You show them by accepting yourself—exactly as you are. Even if you still feel you are not where you want to be. Even if you know you make mistakes. Even when (especially when) you are suffering from those mistakes.
Acceptance has to start with you. Only when you accept yourself can you then stand your ground with these well-wishers, take your seat and respond with kindness and conviction.
If you can’t, don’t or won’t accept yourself as you are, then how can you expect others to?
So rather than fighting or resenting those who challenge our self-image, or trying to fix their misperceptions, start by acknowledging the trigger. Let your reaction be the wake-up call that you still have work to do in learning to accept yourself and your situation wholeheartedly—you haven’t come to terms with the thing yourself. Once you’ve done the inner work of self-acceptance, then the outer challenges won’t trigger you any more…or at least as much as they might have.
Learning To Be Present With What IsSo, why is it so important to accept yourself exactly as you are? Because we teach others how to treat us by how we treat ourselves.
We can only work with the present moment. It’s all we have. So if we are putting pressure (or being pressured) to attain or achieve something, it takes us out of the present and into the future, where we have no influence. We can set our sights on a future outcome, but we can only influence the present moment.
How do we learn to accept ourselves unconditionally? By being gentle with ourselves when we feel we don’t measure up. By learning to rest in the present moment, despite any challenges or issues that make us feel incomplete. By learning to tolerate the discomfort of being a perpetual work-in-progress and be okay with exactly what is.
I've created a guided meditation for you to help facilitate this.
Click here for a free guided meditation and writing exercise for developing true self-acceptance, regardless of your relationship status or where you are in life.
With another decade behind us and a looming slew of issues facing humanity, I recently sat down to contemplate what it means to flourish as a human.
How do you know when you are thriving? You can tell when you are on top of your game so to speak. The prana flows freely. You feel strong and adaptable and healthy. You are less easily upset. It’s like falling in love— with your life.
When you’re not flourishing though, it can be confusing to figure out where to go. Is it possible to actively pursue our right to flourish as a human?
I believe it is. With a few simple awareness practices you can go from dull and lethargic to uplifted and energetic.
nourish Your BodyFlourishing physically means we take care of our body. We eat right, rest, get enough sleep, move our body regularly and limit toxins like sugar. I also encourage massage, deep rest, soaks in the hot springs and an occasional cleanse. I like regular acupuncture treatments to keep things flowing. And for me there are essentials: daily yoga, swimming, walking in, and connecting with nature.
Nourishing the body means adopting healthy habits and including physical activities that we enjoy to get the oxytocin and serotonin flowing.
Practice: Identify a weekly routine that you can develop to treat your body right so that it supports your physical wellbeing.
learn to manage your emotionsEmotions can get the best of all of us at times. To flourish emotionally means learning to manage emotions—so that they don’t manage you.
It is possible to discover ways to avoid getting overwhelmed (as much as possible) by negative emotions. We can set boundaries with people and situations that disturb us. One simple practice I try to pay attention to each day is to stop feeding negative emotions. This can be a challenge in today’s world! Social media and 24/7 news are a prime source of emotional disturbance. Despair about world events. Jealousy when we see others’ carefully curated “perfect lives” on Facebook. Anger at someone’s insistent political views. Fear at the state of our planet. We can’t operate clearly or respond with clarity from an anxious or angry or despairing mindset. So make it a practice to learn to manage your emotions.
Practice:Whenever you notice yourself feeding negativity—whether you are spiraling into anger or fear, or enjoying a bit of juicy but harmful gossip—stop and take a mental snapshot. Notice how your body feels. Identify the sensations. Then let your senses bring your mind back to the present surroundings. Listen to the sounds. Observe where you are and what’s going on. Feel how you feel in the moment and rest in that, rather than dwelling the negative mental state or bad mood.
Mental Health + WellnessMental flourishing means the ability to be present without distraction when you choose to be. Again in today’s world this is a huge challenge!
Beeps, bells, calls, texts, emails, etc—you know what I mean. Recently I was in retreat and noticed the difference between a retreat in 2019 as compared to one in 2009, or even 1999. It’s nearly impossible to put your phone away for any longer than a day—and most people can’t even do that! Commitments, bills, expectations of family and friends, employers—most of us feel obliged to be constantly available—which is a distraction if we are trying to be present with our current circumstances and state of mind.
It is so hard to dive deep into meditation with this noise happening! At a certain point of evolution in your practice everything is brought to meditation. But for those of us still learning to stabilize these deeper states of meditation, the Iphone and Android are a deep, deep distraction.
Practice: Put your phone and other devices away, turned off, for short periods at a certain time each day. Make a discipline of setting hours for your computer usage. Notice how this affects your state of mind.
What does it mean to flourish spiritually? It seems to me that when we devote time and energy to contemplate the big questions of life, that initiates a spiritual inquiry. Sure, it’s possible to live day to day without asking these sorts of questions—we all know someone who seems to float through life on the surface. But for some of us that would never be satisfying. Some of us are drawn to the deep dark mystery and need to grapple with those questions.
Whether these questions bear fruit is a different story. But I think the seed is necessary in order to embark on a spiritual path—seeking a sense of our place in the universe. Life can slip away in a tedium of daily activities unless we actively make time to nurture our spiritual life-or our creative life for that matter.
Practice:Develop or re-commit to a daily meditation practice. Even 5 minutes a day over time can have dramatic results. Click here if you want guidance for beginning a meditation practice.
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Here we are at the end of another decade. It’s also the beginning of a new one. The Roaring Twenties has already been taken…what will we usher in? The Raucous Twenties? The Restorative Twenties? The Run-for-the-Hills Twenties?
I confess I struggle to keep this last enticement at bay. Not from a Flee-for-your-Life mindset, but rather because there is JUST. SO. MUCH. HAPPENING OUT THERE. And I don’t know about you but I need to take a break now and then to digest it all.
Which is why I go into retreat every year. (Want to do your own retreat? Click here for your free guide.) When life speeds up, It’s more important than ever to make time to slow down. Tending to your state of mind is part of taking care of your mental health. It can also help you tap into your creative process.
But what if we did this sort of review on a regular basis?
When you make a practice out of your creativity, you have a powerful tool for developing self-awareness. The creative process is how you digest experience. You take the raw material of your life—your relationships, cultural issues, dreams, visions, hopes, losses—and portray them in another light, from your perspective. In order to do that there has to be an awareness of that perspective. You can’t write a book if you don’t know what you want to say.
But then you create the work, and send it into the world. This is where the path can get tricky.
discouragement + the Creative ProcessEarlier this year I published my second book, Toward a Secret Sky: Creating Your Own Modern Pilgrimage. This book has not —yet— made the big splash that I might have hoped. It’s an interesting thing to put yourself out there and have no response. Sure, there have been kind souls who write and tell me they appreciate the book, but from my publisher’s perspective, it’s a flop.
The launch was not even lukewarm. Cold, dead fish.
So, full disclosure: I got discouraged. I had hoped the book would guide me seamlessly to the next stage of my evolution as a teacher, counselor and writer. I got hit with a case of the Why Bothers.
But then I realized that I made a mistake.
I let the market’s response--or lack of it--influence the quality of my practice. I am a writer. I practice writing. I let the market dim my flame and have not been writing consistently.
And to be honest, I get it. The book that I put out into the world was my publishers book. It was not my book. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful to have had a publisher, and for the experience. But creating for the market is different than creating for the (and from the) higher self. If we can call it that.
The higher self has no agenda for works that we create. The creation itself is the healing. So there is a quality of a pathless path when it comes to creative process.
What is the pathless path?It's a path that is not pre-described. it doesn't mean no path. It means taking responsibility for your own journey rather than going on an organized group tour. Nothing wrong with group tours if that’s your thing. But it’s not a creative act.
It’s writing the book that longs to be written, regardless of what the publisher wants.
The pathless path relies on discipline. You discover which practices resonate with you and then you do them—day in and day out. You practice tuning in and listening for the direct download. Practices that bring you back to the present moment help you tune in and be available for that download. Meditation, pranayama (breath-work), moving meditations such as yoga, Tai Chi, walking meditation provide the framework for the inquiry. And so does the act of creating.
The more I create, the more I understand how making art is a practice of working with the mind.
I‘ve been studying with great artists at the Art Students League in Denver recently. One of the teachers gave us this instruction: try to rest in not knowing what mark you will make on the canvas while you are making a mark. It's counterintuitive! Or it's all intuitive.
You seek that state of mind or rather that position of mind and try to act from there. It is like The Beginner's Mind that Suzuki Roshi wrote about in his book Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind. Only with creative process you practice acting—with a brush stroke, or a sentence— instead of merely seeing.
So this pathless path approach means to keep going even when you have no idea where you’re going. You’re in the woods and need to carry on, even if you lose the path.
creation is our birthrightHow can you rest in not knowing and make your mark anyway? You might succeed, or you might fail. It’s a scary place to dwell. But that’s where the authentic stuff comes from. Not from trying to predict who wants what or how many sales you’ll make. Authentic creativity comes not despite, but perhaps because of the despair of continually not getting it right.
Why do we feel the urge to create? Where does that urge come from? Writing and speaking is how we connect. Communicating is a creative act, and we all long to connect.
Ready to embark on your own Creative Pilgrimage? Check out my book Toward a Secret Sky: Creating Your Own Modern Pilgrimage to get started.
Are you feeling the sharp edges of impermanence?
Whether you attribute it to global warming, economic crisis, pole shifting, dramatic upheavals in weather patterns, or a mass rebellion against one too many passwords to memorize, change is in the air.
It can feel hard sometimes to get a grip. Ok, I’ll admit, it feels like things have been falling apart for the past decade. Sometimes I feel like my subconscious mantra is: om ah hum another one bites the dust, SVAHA.
It’s important to remember that whatever happens is just a step along the way, a passing phase. The current circumstances are simply the fruition of one phase, and yet they are also the seed of the phase that will soon be at your doorstep.
So how do you manage your state of mind while waiting for a chaotic situation to resolve?
How do you find solid ground to stand on while the earth gives way under our feet? I can happily say that, after much experience with this one, I’ve learned a few tricks.
First it’s important to recognize that solid ground is also an illusion. When you feel like you need to get a grip, remember that the secret is not to get a grip at all, but rather to let go.
Here is a guide for staying sane in the midst of chaos: 1. Go easy on yourselfBe gentle. Don’t aggravate already existing external pressure by adding the critical “I” voice. Things fall apart; we don’t have to assume we did something wrong when things don’t go our way. Take heed of Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche’s wise words, “pain is not punishment, and pleasure is not a reward.” It’s just how things are, currently. Nourish yourself with healthy food and supportive relationships and BE KIND to yourself. Settle into the breath when you can remember.
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Reconnect. Spend time in nature. Re-commit to or take up a mindfulness practice. Pema Chodron’s How To Meditate is an excellent introduction to sitting meditation practice. If you’re not there yet, then try yoga, or writing practice, or painting or walking: something that lets you tune in to your present experience without getting lost in the storyline. Remember what is important to you and re-prioritize if necessary.
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Invite space. Often a flurry of activity can mask an unwillingness to be with the situation as it is. Acknowledge fear and anxiety if they arise, and simply let these emotions work through you rather than letting them take hold of you. Keep it simple and let the wisdom of the moment reveal itself.
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Practice patience. One of the best pieces of advice I ever received was this: If you don’t know what to do next, don’t do anything. Wait patiently for clarity to dawn. Practice inviting clarity–from a higher source if necessary. Use the time to reflect (not analyze or obsess), rest, reconnect with sources of joy and strength. Appreciate the small things.
Embracing impermanence allows us to stay in the present moment rather than projecting an outcome onto a situation. When we learn to stay present we rest in the space where the possibilities arise. If we fixate on a future outcome--desired or undesired--we limit ourselves by expecting results.
If all else fails, remember that impermanence is constant—so things will change again.
Life is a creative process.
We make a mark on a canvas and see how it fits in or if it looks like something that we want to pursue. Sometimes we hit a dead-end and move to the next project, and sometimes we create something amazing and we are pleased and it doesn't take any effort at all. Sometimes a piece takes forEVER and we have no idea where it is heading.
This is like our life. It's a constant process of re-evaluating what we’ve created.
We determine if we want to pursue that particular work or job or relationship or living situation, or whether we want to let that one go and move on to the next piece. Or maybe we somehow incorporate the old work into a new piece, and add new layers, creating something completely new out of what we already have. This is the creative process.
And this is life
In this interview I talk about that process, and how setbacks are part of it.
Watch this interview I did recently with Paulette Rees-Dennis. We talk about practice, persistence, patience, and believing in yourself! Paulette is an artist herself, and chats with other artists to discover where the heart is in their hustle. Check out her work here.
Click here to watch the video.
Years ago on my first back-country ski tour, my then-boyfriend and I got lost just as the sun was setting. We realized we were going around in circles and could not find the trail that led back to our car. We had no emergency supplies with us, and I was a newbie, so had zero back-country experience. It was snowing. We were cold, tired and hungry. I panicked. Let me tell you, when panic sets in like that, it is nearly impossible to calm your mind. And a calm mind is exactly what you need to get you out of that situation.
When you lose your way, go back to the last place you were not lost.If you find yourself in a situation that has evolved to a point where you lose your way, calm yourself, think back to the last time you knew, and backtrack to see where you strayed.
The pace of life has accelerated so much that it's hard to know what to focus on these days. Thanks to technology, what I used to accomplish in a day now takes 15 minutes. But rather than enjoying the other 23 hours and 45 minutes, somehow those hours are now filled with other things, like fretting about what's not getting done. It’s so easy to get lost in all that activity! Often I wake up with a clear plan of what needs to get done during the day, only to find myself wondering where the day went that evening.
Observe the SignsSometimes the path gets unclear and you lose your way. At that point you practice awareness for a while before the path reveals itself again. Doors shut. Sometimes there are delays before the next one opens. On that infamous ski-trip, we back-tracked to the last turn we recognized, and luckily, we eventually ran into another skier who showed us the way out before nightfall. Rather than rushing blindly forward and going around the circle again, we had to stop and pay close attention to the terrain.
Trust the ProcessThe practice is to trust the process, be patient while things evolve and enjoy your surroundings. There is great joy and relaxation in this phase of evolution, if (and only if) you can trust.
That said, it can be helpful to have a road map for when you lose your way - something to provide structure to your time in the bardo, that phase between one incarnation and the next.
Here are some tips to help you get back on track when you lose your way:1. BreatheCalm your nervous system and connect with your subtle body through a breath based practice: yoga, pranayama, or shamatha meditation are all excellent choices.
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Practice Radical AwarenessWatch for signs in your environment. Listen to words and phrases that come your way, especially things that repeat themselves. Sometimes messages come from people - pay attention to how things resonate. Sometimes the biggest messages are casual comments that suddenly unlock big meaning.
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Check In With GuidesSchedule an appointment with your therapist or coach. Go see your teacher. Call old and trusted friends to check in.
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Be PatientLet the process unfold at its own pace. And, I am going to strongly suggest: GET OFF OF SOCIAL MEDIA for a period of time. It's amazing how distorted our view of reality can be when we are surfing Facebook all day. Please, do yourself a favor and take a break. The world will go on without you.
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Be GentleIt can feel hard to be a grown up and suddenly not know what comes next. It's tempting to look around us and see others succeeding, doing wonderful things and apparently doing them without effort. (This is another reason to get off of social media - to stop comparing yourself to others.) Recognize that you have your own set of gifts and challenges, and that your life's trajectory will not look like anyone else's. Love and appreciate your own unique journey.
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Take Care of YourselfLong walks in nature, hot baths, swimming, bike rides, massage, green smoothies, acupuncture, long periods of shavasana. Read good books. Take time off from ALL technology. Tend to your body by giving it good food, exercise, pampering and rest.
If you’ve lost your way…check out my book,Toward a Secret Sky: Creating Your Own Modern Pilgrimage. You’ll find tools and practices to help navigate the path back to familiar territory.
One of my clients started seeing a psychiatrist many years ago because she was concerned that she was too quiet. As a journalist she is completely capable of carrying on a conversation, but on a personal level she is not a big talker. So she went to see if anything was wrong.
Her psychiatrist put her on medication for depression, which she has taken faithfully for years.
My client started working with me because of suicidal ideation that had been a feature of her life in recent years. What she recently realized was that she never had suicidal thoughts until she started taking anti-depressants.
Recent research has proven that anti-depressants can cause major unwanted side effects, including anxiety. It seems doctors have been too quick to prescribe, and too slow—or unavailable— to follow up on issues related to withdrawal. This is the traditional way the modern medical model treats depression.
But I think we can do better than that. Alternative approaches are becoming more available as people start to understand the severe limitations of anti-depressants.
So I wanted to share 3 of my favorite resources to help you understand alternative ways of working with depression and anxiety. This is not a magic pill, and there is work involved—learning new practices, opening to new viewpoints and doing the hard work of staying present with yourself long enough to know your patterns.
If you are up for it, you have tools that will get you through any life circumstance. These books will change the way you think about your mental health and emotional wellbeing.
3 Resources for Working With Intense States of Mind1. Already Free, by Bruce TiftMy former psychology professor at Naropa University has a contemplative view of psychotherapy. According to Bruce Tift, we can approach working with our emotions from two different—complementary and opposite—angles. The developmental approach is what guides traditional psychotherapy, and it looks at the behaviours, patterns and beliefs that govern how we show up in the world. According to this view, learning “adult behaviours” is how to work with our state of mind. When we learn to tolerate difficulty without acting out or blaming others, we stop acting like children and learn to grow up.
Pair this with the fruitional approach—the Buddhist perspective that everything is actually fine, just as it is. We may not like it, but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong. We can learn to relax into discomfort without thinking that we are wrong just because we don’t always feel happy about our lives.
Working in the middle path between these perspectives, we learn to tolerate greater emotional intimacy as well as a capacity to rest in the groundlessness of not knowing.
- Quiet, by Susan CainThis one was a game changer for me. In a world that rewards extroverts with praise and success, being an introvert can feel like a diagnosis. Being quiet is not a disease. It is the preferred way of being for a large minority of humans— including many artists, writers and philosophers—those who prefer to listen and observe rather than talk.
But since the majority dictates what is socially acceptable, introverts often feel sidelined and, well, wrong. To sum up the premise of this book, not only is being quiet OK, it is the source of your wisdom.
- How to Change Your Mind, by Michael PollanI cried at the end of this book. Why? Because after sharing all the incredible research that has been done on the healing properties of psychotropic plants—especially psychedelic mushrooms— it became clear that the only reason we have not benefitted from this research over the past 40 years is a closed-minded government intent on giving power to pharmaceutical corporations.
You’ll need an open mind to read this book. If you have that, I think you are in for a revolution.
My client’s introversion is not a disease. It is part of what makes her unique. In a world that prizes conformity it can feel confusing to know what is mentally unhealthy, and what is mentally healthy but just different than most. Learning how to manage our emotions and mental health is a first step in taking responsibility for our own lives.
If you want to learn more, check out this program to Get tools, tips, guided meditations and more resources for working with anxiety. do the whole course in under a week.
People often ask me what it means to go on retreat. The answer to this question depends on who is asking.
Retreat can be as simple as taking a weekend to follow a more disciplined schedule of practice. It can mean traveling to a peaceful location to join a group for a period of intensive study, perhaps with periods of practice in silence. For seasoned practitioners, retreat can mean 3 years of solitary meditation, silence and seclusion. Admittedly, this last option is a bit extreme, and not for everyone. There are endless variations in-between.
Why Go On Retreat? There are many reasons for going on retreat.
The aim of retreat is a reconnection with the basic intelligence of the mind, that mine of wisdom that guides us in our journey toward our full unfolding into vibrant, joyful human beings. The emphasis here is on recognizing that we are human “beings” as opposed to human “doings.”
Have you ever noticed yourself striving to get somewhere, or attain something and feeling frustrated by the (lack of) result? What would happen if you simply stopped? The universe responds to a calm state of mind more readily that it does to an eager, frantic one. What a relief that all it takes is learning to relax.
Remembering To RelaxRelaxing is the key to doing anything well. The reason? When you are relaxed, you become fully present. Being fully present is the key to manifesting whatever you choose. When you take time out for a yoga retreat, you learn practices that train you to do just that. It is easy to get so caught up in your goals so that you miss what is actually happening now. It is much easier to practice being present when you are in a relaxed state of mind, with a healthy body.
You may simply be inspired to go on retreat because you want to get healthy again, but even this shift will introduce a new dynamic in your life. As you inhabit a healthier body, your mindset/awareness will shift, and you will begin to radiate a sense of well being. You’ll move differently, make smarter decisions and be drawn to healthier relationships. As your practice evolves, you may feel inspired to go deeper.
Going Deeper Into Your ExperienceRetreat allows for this deepening. It works like this: the asana and pranayama practices of Ashtanga yoga help to clear and calm the system, preparing the stage so to speak. Yoga helps you release obstacles and blocked energy in the body. This release has a corresponding release or shift in the mind and this then allows meditation to happen more easily.
Many people think that meditation is about learning to stop thinking—which is completely false! Meditation is about learning to observe your thoughts with more precision, and more acceptance, so that you can then decide whether or not to believe those thoughts. Much of what we tell ourselves is untrue —and frankly, unkind. The practice of meditation helps settle and focus the mind, allowing you to see more precisely what is actually true.
From an ultimate perspective, everything that occurs in the mind is pure fantasy. Developing a deep connection to practice allows you to realize this, and to accept those parts of yourself that you might otherwise prefer to deny, paving the path towards transformation and ultimately liberation from the bondage of negative emotions.
As the 14th Dalai Lama notes:
"The ultimate source of happiness is our mind, and the real troublemaker is our emotions."
Retreat allows you time and space to negotiate our minds and troublesome emotions. Big shifts occur when you accept and love yourself exactly as you are NOW, without waiting to be transformed into something better in the future. But it takes practice to do this. These practices—of meditation, yoga and creative journaling— help you learn your particular patterns and habits so you can decide whether or not these are working for you in your life. So part of the power of retreat is to learn to accept and love yourself, no matter where you find yourself on your life journey.
Benefits of Yoga + Meditation in a Retreat SettingYoga and meditation are tools to help you take a look at aspects of yourself that may need adjusting. Once you can see with this new perspective, new possibilities arise; new pathways of thinking that allow you to see things in new ways. You can then make shifts in your life as a result of these insights. Periodic retreat is a necessity for advancing on the path of spiritual practice. I would also argue that it is imperative for mental health and well being.
If you’re one of those people who need justification to take time for yourself, consider this your permission slip to retreat, relax, renew and review your life.
Want to try your own at-home retreat? Click here for a free guide to help you get started.
The one quality all happy people share is the ability to extend loving kindness to themselves. It’s like a perversion of the great opening line of Leo Tolstoy's Anna Karenina: All happy people are alike; each unhappy person is unhappy in his or her own way.
Happy people experience self-love. Unhappy people have a version of self-aggression that is unique to each person. And yet how much effort do we spend training people in this skill? How many people go around every day beating themselves up for feeling inferior, or imperfect, or unworthy? Couldn’t this be the basis for the overwhelming number of people who report experiencing anxiety these days? Could it be related to the World Health Department naming depression as the number one health epidemic last year?
Maitri is a Sanskrit word for loving-kindness— an unconditional acceptance of yourself. It is the foundation of compassion.
What Is Loving Kindness?Loving kindness is the simple aspiration to be happy. It includes wishing for our own happiness, as well as the happiness of others. But it's more than a wish - it’s the confidence that we can actually be happy - that we deserve to be happy - and it involves an active participation in that process.
But true happiness is different than the temporary happiness we might feel when something goes our way. True happiness not dependent on outer circumstances. It comes from within-- it comes from loving ourselves. But before we can experience it, we have to learn to recognize it. Can you identify moments in your life when you were happy for no good reason? This recognition of what makes us truly happy is the beginning of loving kindness. When we can extend loving kindness to ourselves, it is the birth of self-love.
What Inhibits Loving Kindness?Self love comes to some of us not automatically, but rather by conscious effort.
Essentially, whenever we compare ourselves to others, we inhibit loving kindness. Pressure to fit in, to look a certain way, or accomplish goals can make us feel like we fall short. Often, that pressure is our own state of mind responding to the "outside" world’s values. Our family, work environment, friends, and culture all influence us, whether consciously or unconsciously, to behave in certain ways. When we deviate from the established norm, we may criticize ourselves harshly for not measuring up.
For example, it’s easy to get seduced by images of happy lives we see on social media, and hold ourselves to unrealistic ideals. All that personal PR can wreak havoc on our state of mind. We may feel everyone else has it all together, while we struggle with our fear, anger, and confusion. If we then add another layer of judgement, we’ve got a perfect recipe for self-criticism. Getting caught up in the carefully composed images of others’ lives takes us out of the present moment. It takes heroic discipline to avoid getting hooked.
How Do You Develop Loving Kindness?Essentially, the way to develop loving kindness is to give space to situations and accept things exactly as they are, flaws and all. When you notice that you are being hard on yourself, take a mental step back and let the situation or circumstances breathe. You don't have to immediately rush to fix a problem, or react to a strong emotion. Giving things space allows for new perspectives to arise. When you are able to give space, you invite the possibility of acceptance, which is the ultimate act of love. Then you realize that your happiness is not dependent on outside circumstances. That experience is pure freedom.
Pema Chodron talks about maitri as the basis of compassion.
Without compassion, our experience of being human lacks the warmth of connection. We may seek healing through spiritual practice or therapy or a million other ways, but without loving kindness, meditation practice or therapy will be an intellectual exercise. Maitri is an experience of acceptance. Studies show that self-acceptance is key to finding happiness. You can’t intellectualize unconditional acceptance or friendship with oneself. There has to be an actual experience
How Do You Learn To Love Yourself?Recognize that you are whole and complete just as you are, right here and right now. Yes, that means even if there are things that feel out of alignment. We are perpetual works in progress--it is part of the human condition. The best way to start to silence the voice of your inner critic is to first learn to listen.
Make a habit - a practice - of returning to awareness in the present moment without elaboration. Just notice the urge to react, and step back to take in a larger vantage point. We learn to love ourselves by showing up for ourselves in times of need, rather than meting out punishment for not yet being perfect. When we allow ourselves to unfold in our own time, even if it is slower than what we want, or what others expect, we are practicing self-love. (And it wouldn't hurt to schedule periods of internet abstinence!)
Sometimes it seems easier to be kind to others than it is to be kind to ourselves. If this is true for you, try looking at yourself through the eyes of someone who loves you, and see what they see. When you can give yourself a break for not being perfect, you are on your way to developing self-love.
Click here to listen to a short guided self-love meditation.
You'd think by now we would get it: things are impermanent. But when impermanence gets personal it can be hard to accept. When everything falls apart it can feel like the end of the world. Circumstances in your life might suddenly cease to exist in the way you previously knew. What do you do when you arrive at a dead end? How do you start over?
How To Start Over When Everything Falls ApartIt’s hard to recognize yourself when everything in the outer environment suddenly changes. We define ourselves through our activities, relationships and conceptual framework. When these shift, if we are courageous enough to stay with that experience, the existence of our previously solid-seeming sense of self gets threatened. We might get a glimpse of something more uncomfortable, but more true: our vulnerable, uncertain and ever-shifting role in the larger scheme of things.
And what about this: what if there is no goal? What if the goal is to remain present through all the changes and simply observe it all. What if, as Chogyam Trungpa famously stated, the path is the goal?
Or, as one of my all-time favorite artists put it:
Make the best of every moment. We’re not evolving. We’re not going anywhere.
― David Bowie
Dead End? Or Doorway? When the road suddenly stops, it forces you to lift your gaze and look at alternative routes. There are always choices to be made. You just have to recognize them and stop trying to drive. Let the road meet you half way.
Dead ends are actually doorways onto new vistas. Things have to fall apart for new things to arise — its the rhythm of nature. When you first plant new seeds, you get excited for the seeds to take root and grow. You eagerly await the flowers and fruit. But then once the fruit is eaten and the trees have lost their leaves and gone to seed, you are not as happy. This phase is less comfortable. But unless you go through this phase, you have no seeds to plant for the coming season.
**And for the rest, let life happen to you. Believe me: life is right, in any case.
~ Rainer Maria Rilke**
How To Start OverStarting over entails a sense of reinvention. Reinventing yourself means breaking the mold, questioning your intentions, dwelling in the dark depths of uncertainty without hope of finding a quick answer. It means looking hard at the recurring themes: the destructive or painful habits that we’ve developed, whether consciously or not, that cause suffering. You know, the ones that keep returning to haunt you, that you think you've finally conquered, and that return again just to remind you that you are human and to bring you to your knees. Again. There is no system for this, no 10 step practice, no self-help Ted talk, no app that you can download.
It’s called life. You live it. And you learn.
You learn to stay in the vulnerable place called I don’t know. The way through is by remaining open and receptive to what arises, without trying to force things into your version of what is acceptable. One thing I know is that without the practices of yoga and meditation, this process would be a whole lot harder. I also know now that without art, it would be a whole lot less fun.
Time To Gather New SeedsWhen everything falls apart, stop, go within and listen. Do your practices and await further instructions. When everything falls apart it is a clear sign that a new identity wants to emerge.
Look at what’s happening out there. The planet is imploding in many ways, and we’ve got to find ways to adapt and live more in alignment with what is true, even if it is uncomfortable. I think that collectively we want a new identity, and that starts with each one of us individually.
Evolution necessarily means letting go of aspects that no longer serve. For me this is less science than it is an art: I’m feeling into how things fit together after closing a chapter in my life, listening for what wants to arise. Sometimes we have to trust that life unfolds exactly as we need it to for our own happiness, even if we don’t trust the process. There’s your clue right there: trust the process.
What area of your life has not turned out as you might have hoped? How has this experience left you in the ideal position to pursue a path that is more aligned with your true calling? (Try doing a free-write for each of these questions.)Like this one? Then share! Use the buttons below...
Have you set your intentions yet for 2019? I know, I know. We go through it every year, but it’s isn’t it nice to know we have another chance for a new start every year? Actually, we have a chance for a new start every moment. You can start right now. Here is a re-post I wrote for Elephant Journal, 14 revolutionary new year's resolutions for a happier new year:
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Give up something that causes harm.You don’t have to be dramatic about it. Just do it. If you slip on your discipline a week later, just try again, quietly.
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Eat more vegetables.It’s healthier, better for the planet, gives you incredible energy, and makes you want to skip, and by the way…
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Practice silliness.Dance, sing, paint, write stories, make faces at small children. Laugh often and from your gut.
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Take up (or re-commit to) yoga and meditation practice.I know, I’m biased. But yoga and meditation change your perspective. If you want to make a shift in your life, settle down and watch your breath. Just try it. If you already have a practice, look at it again and see if it’s working.
14 Revolutionary New Year's Resolutions For A Happier New Year | KimRoberts.Co
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Stop gossiping.Negativity breeds negativity. So guess what? Positivity breeds positivity. You choose.
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Get some physical exercise every day.It’s our only body–we only get one this time around. Take good care of it.
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Smile more.If necessary, on those days when it is not forthcoming on its own, turn up the corners of your lips and soften your eyes. You will be amazed at how effective this is.
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Learn the power of silence.Turn off all (I mean ALL) of your gadgets and notice what is happening around you. And while you are at it…
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Spend more time in nature.Mother earth supports us. If you appreciate her and she will reward you with gifts: a sunset, a summer rain, a frog chorus, a symphony of rustling leaves. But she won’t come to you; you have to go to her. She’s just that way.
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Practice generosity.Donate to charities, give to beggars, support good causes, just because it is the kind thing to do. If you truly (be honest with yourself) don’t have the means to make financial offerings, donate your time or attention. It helps you to appreciate the fact that you are rich enough to be give. Or, if you prefer, stew in your poverty mentality. But if you choose that, then please…
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Stop whining.We know. It’s hard. Practice gratitude instead. You can do it.
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Find a purpose.Your intention guides you through life. Are your goals in line with your values? Ask what you truly want out of life, and contemplate whether your current activities support that.
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Love more.Appreciate your family, friends, and colleagues even when– especially when– they bug you. Offer praise –tell them what inspires you about them. Because one authentic compliment can boost a person’s day--but it boosts your own day even more. And don’t forget to LOVE YOURSELF, lavishly–not in the gooey sense, but really, do you have to be so hard on yourself? Give it a break! 365 days of this and you’ve got a stellar year ahead of you. So…
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Relax and Enjoy!Go ahead, you can
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Anxiety has become one of the major health epidemics of the 21st century. Our too-much-information era overloads our systems. It pushes our boundaries until there is no such thing as "down-time." We compare ourselves to others based on social media updates (real or fake) and then judge ourselves accordingly. No wonder people are looking to yoga for anxiety relief. But, does yoga help with anxiety?
Yoga for AnxietyThe short answer is yes. Yoga practice helps to re-align body and breath so that your system can release accumulated stress--which causes anxiety. When you release physical tension and energetic knots (granthis) in the body, the mind naturally settles. By learning to rest and quiet the mind, you have choices about how and where to focus your awareness.
When you practice yoga, body and breath become the focal points of your awareness. Breath combined with movement automatically shift the energies in the body. If you've ever taken a brisk walk to go "cool down" after an argument, you know what I mean. In this sense, yoga is the perfect anxiety remedy: it provides an opportunity to shift your focus from anxious thinking to embodied awareness.
Rather than being constantly interrupted by instant messaging, set aside time to unplug, unwind and relax.
Here is a simple guide to take yoga off the mat to manage anxiety:1. Plan and schedule a time you can unplug daily.Thanks to technology, it’s easy to keep up on communications these days--so much so that we never actually take a break from being “on.” When you schedule time to get on your yoga mat, you give your mind --and eyes--a rest from the screen. This one reason is enough to see how yoga can help calm your mind.
Try These 2 Simple Yoga Poses To Help With Anxiety | KimRoberts.Co
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Create a calming and peaceful environmentThis may sound obvious, but a healing environment can contributing enormously to reducing anxiety. Find a space that is out of the flow of busy-ness, ideally with a view of nature. If you can't find a quiet place, put on headphones and some soothing music. Dim lights, especially if they are fluorescent. Sitting still or lying quietly in shavasana can be a huge relief when we are overwhelmed.
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Settle into the breathYour breath is with you always, no matter where you are or what you are doing. Make a habit of checking in with it. Notice your breath when you are at a family dinner, on the computer, in the middle of an argument--or traffic, or making your way to the airport. Get to know what it is that stresses you out, and then bring mindfulness-and conscious breathing– to that activity.
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Settle the mind and learn to dis-identify with thoughtsFrom a yogic perspective, anxiety is a disturbance of the “winds,” the subtle energy channels in the body. Think of a jar filled with sediment when it is shaken: the sediment swirls around clouding the water. A calm and grounded state of mind is characterized by clarity. The practice of sitting meditation is the most direct way to achieve this settled state of mind. When you ally with the spaciousness of the mind instead of the contents of the mind (thoughts) you automatically shift your perspective.
You can shift your mindset to recognize the larger perspective in the grand scheme of things, and learn to ally with the spaciousness of the present moment instead of getting caught up in the stream of busy-ness. When you notice your stress levels rising, try these 2 yoga postures to help with anxiety.
Practice these 2 yoga postures to help with anxiety.When the going gets rough, the tough take viparita karani. This is my all-time favorite yoga posture, and my quick-fix remedy for just about everything from jet-lag to overwhelm, from exhaustion to anxiety. It’s the best way I know how to relax quickly and deeply. Follow it with child’s pose for a nurturing restart to your afternoon or evening.
Yoga Posture to Manage Anxiety | KimRoberts.Co
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Yoga for Mental HealthPanic and anxiety are not purely mental events–they are physiological events, so they can’t be treated with the thinking mind only. You need to learn to BREATHE deeply, and train yourself to come back to the breath on a regular basis. Mind and breath are intimately connected. If you can calm your breath, your mind will follow.
Even if you already practice yoga or meditation, working with a therapist can help address issues from a practical perspective so that you can let them go. Practitioners often believe mindfulness will sort out their emotional issues, but in fact the opposite is often the case. Deep practice may stir up old issues, and unless there is a container for these unruly emotions, it can be tempting to “let go” of old issues before they are resolved, which creates a muddy stew in the mind. Anxiety can be a sign that there are underlying issues to resolve.
Here’s your one line anxiety advice: learn to relax deeply and do it daily!
Want extra help?Click here for your free guided meditation for anxiety.
If you've never seen a snowstorm roll in over the desert, you should try it sometime. It's an experience that might qualify as genuine happiness. In the habitual way of experiencing the world, we seek sensory enjoyment to induce a state of happiness.
What is genuine happiness? It's a quality of mind that is not dependent on external circumstances for its existence.
Why Is Temporary Pleasure Temporary?It reinforces our sense of self. The equation goes something like this:
- Chocolate cake exists (I know because I tasted it) 2. I like chocolate cake 3. Therefore, I also exist.
You're probably laughing (or rushing off the the bakery) now, but this is actually how ego functions. It create situations to "prove" its existence, so it can continue to pretend to make us happy. Ego is essentially our constructed image of ourselves; our false identity. Take away its cake, and ego gets very pouty.
This is essentially what we are doing when we sit down to meditate. We take away ego's cake. We are seeing through ego's game, like Toto discovering the Wizard of Oz behind the curtain. Ego puts on a really good show.
When you threaten to unveil the mechanism that runs the show, you risk consequences. Groundlessness, uncertainty, disappointment.
Genuine Happiness Is Not Dependent On External CircumstancesBut those consequences are actually the foundation of authentic presence. You finally get to experience who you really are--which is so much bigger than you could possibly imagine. Some of us are so scared of what we might find beyond ego's smoke and mirror show, that we allow ego's game to continue unchecked rather than risk seeing what's underneath. It's safer that way -- it's a known quantity. But when you start to glimpse your experience unadulterated, just a pure moment of peace or the thrill of a bear crossing your path, you start to get in touch with something beyond ego.
What Is The Difference Between Temporary Pleasure + True Happiness? | KimRoberts.Co
Something more primordial and essential to your nature.
You too can experience this, and you don't have to travel to the high desert plateau, or cavort with wild animals, or go anywhere for that matter. Though it does help to be surrounded by nature. You can experience this yourself simply by sitting down to watch your mind in sitting meditation. If you do this on a regular basis, and observe your mind with a certain degree of focus and discipline, I'm pretty sure you will start to experience moments of clarity and true happiness that transcend ego's command.
When you're not busy looking for answers you can just BE HERE.
Genuine Happiness Is A PracticeThere are no bells and whistles that accompany genuine happiness. It is something that I think has to be an ongoing work in progress. by work I mean practicing loving kindness, compassion, joy and equanimity and not expecting to be the way that you want them to be.
It's important to distinguish between temporary pleasure and genuine happiness so you don’t run after one thing and expect another kind of thing to happen in your life. Like putting a penny in a gumball machine and waiting for a winning lottery ticket. All you’re going to get is a gumball, and if you keep hoping that you’ll eventually get that winning ticket, you’ll waste a lot of time and pennies.
Temporary pleasure depends on conditions coming together, whereas genuine happiness is a state of well being that does not depend on anything external. It arises because you've tamed your mind to be still and present, so it doesn't get distracted by events in the phenomenal world. It's so tempting to believe that if we just get what we want, everything will be wonderful. You may sense that something is missing and if and when that illusive “something” comes along then you'll be really happy. But I think you know how that goes.
So what's the difference between temporary pleasure and true happiness?It's the difference between two breaths. It's allying with the breath to bring the awareness back home and learning to rest there.
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You know when you are hiking through the woods, and suddenly the trail disappears? One minute you were on a clear path and had the confidence to proceed with total clarity. The next minute you feel stranded in the middle of nowhere, without a clue. Sometimes this happens in life too. So what do you do then?
Proceed With Total ClarityHere's a creative exercise that can help you discover new ways to work with a situation that feels stuck. It's fun to do, and amazingly accurate in helping you identify your next steps.
Essentially, it is our conceptual mind that gets in the way of us seeing how to proceed and deal with issues. Relying on intuition can sometimes help us get out of our own way and then solutions seem to magically appear. This exercise will help you tap into your intuition.
Try This Creative Exercise To Get Clarity (For When You've Lost Your Way) | KimRoberts.Co
Use this creative tool to proceed with total clarity.1. Write down your issue. It can be big or small.
Where do you feel lost? Identify your life's predicament or dilemma of the moment.
2. Get your camera and take 20-30 minutes and go Aimless Wandering.
This is a highly advanced form of practice that involved walking around with no idea where you are going. Don't plan, don't limit. Just go. You can do it in the park, in a shopping mall, the woods, your garden, you neighbors garden, or your house. (I don't recommend doing it in your neighbor's house, unless you have permission.) Just start wandering and stay present to your surroundings. When you come across images that spark your interest, take a photo. Note: don't try to "curate" nice photos. Take pictures of weird stuff that somehow feels significant, or ignites your curiosity.
3. Choose One Photo.
Find a place to sit quietly to do the next step of the exercise. Choose one photo. There's no right way to do this. You can repeat the exercise if you want. But for now, just choose one.
4. Describe the photo in three adjectives.
Don't think too much.
5. If you could change one thing in the photo, what would you change?
Make something up.
Here's the creative tool where your intuition comes into play...6. How is your predicament like your photo?
Again, make something up. Free write for 10-20 minutes, and imagine this image is a mirror for your life. Let your imagination guide you to new insights. Only a new perspective will allow you to proceed with total clarity.
lamp-proceed-with-total-clarity.jpg
7. How could you change your predicament in a similar way to the way you imagined changing the photo?
In my image to the left, I would have chosen to get rid of the buildings and replace them with trees. That might translate as looking to nature for ways to resolve your predicament: spending more time in nature, or looking for a "natural" solution. We're looking for metaphor here. If I had wanted to turn the lamp on, then the question might be: how can you add more lightness to your predicament. Once you make the metaphor, expand it and get detailed in order to get clarity. How could you add more lightness to the situation, or how could you fit in more time in nature?
Let your imagination go.8. Who would you be and how would you act if you were embodying the 3 adjectives you listed to describe the photo?
Sometimes knowing how to proceed with total clarity feels at first like shooting in the dark. You might have to write out a few different scenarios before something resonates. Feel your way into clarity, and let your intuition guide you. When looking for ways to proceed with clarity, intuitive guidance is much more reliable than your intellect.
Do another free write for this.We're not looking for logical conclusions. Sometimes the things you come up with might seem silly at first, but sit with them and see what evolves. When you allow your imagination free reign, sometimes new neural connections happen that might not have occurred to you otherwise.
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True joy comes from wishing others well. It seems counter-intuitive, doesn't it? But as the Dalai Lama says,
“The three factors that seem to have the greatest influence on increasing our happiness are our ability to reframe our situation more positively, our ability to experience gratitude, and our choice to be kind and generous.”
Practicing empathetic joy means you take delight in sharing it with others. You recognize that joy cannot be hoarded, divided up, or stolen. Joy gets bigger when you share it. This is what gives it the "immeasurable" quality. And who doesn't need a bit more joy these days?
Reframe Your Situation PositivelyIt can be tricky to stay positive in the face of so much world turmoil. You can make it a practice to experience, and share a joyful attitude. I know that may sound trite and Pollyanna-ish. But it doesn't have to be that way. Just notice when you start getting cranky, and see if you can intervene.
Empathetic joy is a wholesome attitude of rejoicing in the happiness and virtues of all sentient beings. This type of joy is different from worldly happiness in that you may not feel especially cheerful. It's more like a feeling of being content. It is the absence of struggle.
The Four ImmeasurablesEmpathetic joy the third of the four immeasurables. (I wrote earlier about developing the previous two immeasurable qualities that you can read here: loving kindness and compassion.)
It means relishing the good you see in the world, both in yourself and others. You feel happy when good fortune is bestowed on others. Empathetic joy is the experience of being happy for others' good news.
You see that this life is fleeting and ephemeral, and that you could actually appreciate your life more because of this. Eventually you will have to let go of everything. Why not focus on the simple joys of living in the present moment?
Practice GratitudeOne of the interesting features of living in Crestone, Colorado is the End of Life Project. Recently I attended the funeral of one our community members....an open air cremation. Ironically, this celebration of one man's death inspired joy.
What struck me during this event was that death is not the end of life, it is a part of life. Yes, our neighbor left his physical body. But his passing reminded all of us in attendance that we carry on the spark of life. More importantly, it reminded us of the preciousness of that spark. Someone remarked that death is not an event; it is a process. Be grateful for your life.
Discovering Joy: The Immeasurable Quality of Empathetic Joy | KimRoberts.Co
How do you develop empathetic joy?It means relishing the good we see in the world, both in ourselves and others. It means we are happy when good fortune is bestowed - on us, but especially on others. We recognize that joy cannot be hoarded, divided up, or stolen. Joy gets bigger when we share it. Practicing empathetic joy means we take delight in sharing it with others. This is what gives it the "immeasurable" quality.
Choose To Be Kind + GenerousJoy can be elusive. To be honest, I am not always a happy camper. I'm often cynical, critical, cranky. I struggle sometimes with sadness, loneliness, confusion. I'm not always as resilient as I would like: so like everyone, I sometimes suffer lack of joy.
One thing that always helps lift me out of my funk is helping someone else out, or just offering a kind word. Something happens in the exchange when you reach out and offer yourself in service to another's wellbeing.
We make our own experience. How you show up determines the quality of that experience.
And, in the end, nothing will work out! Eventually we will have to let go of everything. Contemplating death as we watched the flames consume a human body, served as a powerful reminder that this life is fleeting and ephemeral, and that we could actually appreciate our lives more because of this.
Why not focus on the simple joys of living in the present moment?We could go in the blink of an eye. So why waste this precious time ruminating on what is not working out? There is so much that IS working out. Stop right now and look around you: I'll bet you can find somethings that sparks joy if you look for it.
Empathetic joy counters jealousy and can make you less self-centered. Joy is really just about feeling ok with how things are. It may sounds simple, but it's very powerful.
Here are a few ways to discover empathetic joy:* Recognize it * Feel like you deserve it * Share it * Rejoice when others feel joy * Practice gratitude * Reframe things in a positive light * Choose kindness and generosity
You know the feeling of joy when a friend encounters good fortune? This is where we're headed with this third immeasurable. You learn to be happy because others are. But you don't just stop at your friends and loved ones. When you can extend this same quality to all sentient beings -- being happy even for your enemies -- then you turn joy into the third immeasurable of empathetic joy.
When you extend empathetic joy to all sentient beings, you experience true joy as a sublime state of mind. Then you can "always maintain only a joyful mind" as the lojong slogan goes.
What brings you joy? Make a practice of dwelling in that on a daily basis.
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If you've been anywhere near an Ashtanga Yoga shala, you've probably heard about the elusive feature called mula bandha. The inner forms of Ashtanga Vinyasa Yoga are powerful tools to help you develop awareness while deepening into practice. Mula bandha is one of the most mysterious, and fundamental aspects of Ashtanga Vinyasa Yoga practice.
What is a Bandha?Mula bandha is a puzzle that often confuses Ashtanga Yoga practitioners. The key is to bring awareness-- along with the breath-- to the pelvic floor. With the breath deepening as a result of this aspirant sound, we then link the breath to the body in the low belly. Very gently invite the lowest muscles of the low belly toward the back of the body, in effect tucking the tail slightly. At the same time, the area of skin behind the genitals, the perineum, lifts up into the core of the body.
The effect should be a firm, yet subtle contraction that acts as a reference point as you breathe more and more deeply. This movement, or event, is called mula bandha. The combination of these 2 movements creates an extraordinarily strong unit, which governs how efficiently we move and breath. Practice breathing from this place.
"Root Lock"You might have heard of this as the "root lock." The stronger the breath, the stronger the “lock” (although I hate this translation--I think of it more as a "binding".) Another way to imagine this "lock" is like the locks on a canal--they govern the flow to allow a passage. While a canal lock governs the flow of water to allow ships to pass, mula bandha governs the flow of prana to allow consciousness to expand.
You might be familiar with this sensation from other physical activities that require strength and grace, such as skiing or dancing. Whenever you see someone performing acts of great skill with ease, they are tapping in to this powerful organizing force.
What is Mula Bandha?There are 2 ways to start approaching mula bandha. We're looking for the middle way: not too tight, not too loose. To start you may find it helpful to exaggerate the movement, in essence tightening the muscles as if you were preventing a trip to the toilet. Gradually you can soften this contraction. Mula bandha arises spontaneously as a result of complete and conscious relaxation, combined with alignment and awareness of the breath. Eventually the movement becomes more and more subtle until the energy of release is just as strong as the energy of tightening, creating the perfect balance of opposites. Practice of this movement can give lightness and ease to your posture.
Mula bandha arises spontaneously as a result of complete and conscious relaxation, combined with alignment and awareness of the breath.
Closing the Lower GateImagine the very lowest point of the torso as a 4 petaled lotus. Practice moving each of the petals in the 4 directions. Notice what happens to the spine and pelvis as you shift the front petal forward, the back petal backward, and then each of the side petals to their respective sides. Find the center point, and lift it straight up as the sides fall down around the center point. Continue the lifting quality so that it travels all the way up the spine, through the throat and palette until it joins with the spaciousness just behind and above the eyes.
What Is Mula Bandha? Closing the Lower Gate In Ashtanga Yoga | KimRoberts.Co
Let the lungs expand against the ribcage on the inhale. As you exhale, try to keep the ribcage expanding. Keep the seed of the inhale as you exhale, and vice versa. On inhaling, the tendency is to float up, forgetting about the roots. During inhale, make an effort to stay grounded and in contact with the pelvic floor. As you exhale, the tendency is to collapse the heart. Here the instruction is to remember to be uplifted and light. So keep lightness in the exhale, and ground in the inhale. We look for the seed of one trait in its opposite pole. This is the essence of yoga.
When to Apply Mula BandhaIt is traditionally taught that mula bandha should be held always! That means, 24 hours a day, forever. Continuous awareness of mula bandha will help you maintain alignment, throughout the day. Awareness of this dynamic can give you strength and courage.
Here are 3 resources to help you discover this elusive yogic technique.* Moola Bandha, by Swami Buddhananda * A short video by Richard Freeman discussing the more poetic aspects of mula bandha * A more technical video describing the mechanics of mula bandha by another Ashtanga Yoga teacher
want to learn more about the basics of Ashtanga Yoga? click here get your copy of ashtanga yoga for beginners mind.
You know the drill: you have a goal, set an intention to get there, and a truckload of obstacles blocks your path. Traffic makes you late, unhelpful people throw you off-course, politicians thwart your efforts to protect your back-yard, your own confusion blocks what is right in front of you-for, oh, a couple of decades. Perseverance seems super-human in the face of never-ending hold-ups. I mean seriously, why bother? Here's why.
Getting stuck is a part of the path--it's a part of life. Losing your perseverance happens when you lose sight of this fact--you assume staying stuck is a permanent situation. Feeling stuck shows up in a variety of ways: as an obstacle, a limited mindset, or circumstances: the wrong place. The wrong time. Wrong people. Or you simply lose your mojo.
These self-made obstacles manifest differently for all of us. But what they have in common is this: fear. Fear is the obstacle. Because even if we can "blame" our circumstances or a seemingly irreversible twist of fate, if we hit a road block, it's fear calling us out.
Fear is the opposite of love.Why do we let fear get in the way of our happiness? How do we persevere in the face of it?
Recently I’ve been challenged to coming out of my safety zone. I'm being asked to show up in a different way as I get ready to put another book out into the world. Scary?
Hell yes! There's a good reason I'm a writer (and live in a town with a population of 73): I'm an introvert. I don't really like being "out there" all the time. But with the prospect of sharing my personal stories with the world in a new book, my fear is that I'll have to do just that. So I've noticed myself throwing up all sorts of distractions to avoid getting it done. I've been working on this book for over 10 years now, and some days I feel like it will never be finished. I'm excited that it has found a publisher, but some days, honestly, it feels like a long, hard, slog.
Showing UpThat’s what perseverance is: showing up. Again and again. Even when you’ve long since let go of hope. Once you give up hope of attainment, that’s when you have a chance to arrive. But here’s the tricky part; you can’t fake giving up hope in hopes of attaining something. It doesn’t work that way. You have to actually let go of hope. And then show up anyway.
Hopelessness is not always a bad thing.This is why practice is so helpful; it mirrors this process perfectly. Because what on earth are we trying to attain through practice? It’s so intangible. Much easier to simply stop altogether. But just when you start to wonder whether getting on your mat or your meditation cushion every day is really worth the effort, or whether your creative project is doomed to fail, this is just when things start to get interesting.
Luckily impermanence is on our side. When you commit to being present, set an intention, and simply show up, things start to change.
So when your motivation wanes, you get stuck at the halfway point, or when you lose your way, remember these 3 steps to find strength to continue the journey.
3 Steps To Get From Stuck To Unstuck
The Art Of Perseverance 3 Steps To Get From Stuck To Unstuck | KimRoberts.Co
- Commit or Recommit to a Mindfulness Meditation PracticeWhen you practice training the mind to be present, you learn to focus on what matters to you. This can be taken in an absolute or a relative sense. Could we say the ultimate purpose of life is to be present, relaxed and happy? Training your mind through meditation can help you to do that. But if you forget your intention, it’s easy to get distracted by the onslaught of thought that often terrorizes the mind and catapults us into fear.
These days, with so much information coming at us nonstop every day, it can be overwhelming to remember our intention. Take time every day--even 5 minutes-- to reconnect with the storehouse of wisdom accessible through silent meditation. The answer is inside of you--not out there in some imagined future. Re-establishing a strong daily practice--through perseverance-- reminds you of this.
Practice:Learn a simple meditation technique, then set a schedule you can maintain, and stick to it. Click here for tips on how to maintain a regular meditation practice.
- Set an IntentionDeveloping a mindfulness practice also helps you recognize what your worldly goals are—it allows you to check in with the body and mind to identify what actually makes you happy, and what doesn’t. It allows you to recognize the path your life wants to take. The practice here is to identify what will make your heart truly happy, so learn to identify that feeling.
Get clear on what you want, even if you have no idea how you are going to get there. Reevaluate influences that may constrict your ability to thrive and consider alternatives. For example, I ...
Persevering in practice helps you focus your energy to realize your goals once this secondary intention is identified. You start to see what (and who) is not supporting you, so you can let go of what is holding you back. Practice also has the benefit of refining your focus so you can stay on task as each step toward your goals is realized.
Practice:Set a new affirmation for yourself for one week, even a small one such as, "I'm content in this moment with whatever is going on" or an intention like, “I do not check email before breakfast.” When you wake up in the morning, first thing, call to mind your intention or affirmation. Just before you go to bed each evening, reflect on your progress and feel good about that. If you lapsed in your efforts, forgive yourself and set the intention again for the following day. Repeat every day for one week. Simple tool, powerful results.
- Show Up99% of success is simply showing up. When I first started practicing yoga and confronted difficult asanas, some days I had no idea where I was headed. I didn’t know how to start approaching it, what it should feel like. But I persevered, stayed open to the process and was willing to try new things. Eventually I would get a clue: a bodily sensation that told me I was onto something, or suddenly I would be able to lift up whereas before I was unable. Things would suddenly shift in a dramatic way.
Many days it felt like nothing was happening, like there was no progress at all. Through perseverance, one day, it happened, like the first day I was able to jump back (a challenging movement in the Ashtanga Yoga sequence.) Those weeks, months and sometimes years of prep time were necessary, even though they often felt frustratingly devoid of any signs of progress.
Commitment is key to perseverance.Chogyam Trungpa talked about the gradual path to sudden enlightenment. The art of perseverance has to do with commitment. When you are committed to something or someone, it is like a laser that cuts through all the garbage. You pay less attention to the distractions that threaten to sway you off course (distractions like thoughts and judgments about the situation.) You become more focused on the journey. It’s not a chore, but a choice. You can turn down the volume on the background noise and instead focus your attention whatever it is you choose.
Life is never a linear progression. It’s more like 2 steps forward, 3 steps back; 1 step forward 8 steps back; 12 steps forward. And then you get a flat tire. We progress in increments, often far too slow for our lumbering or hyperactive mind to recognize as anything remotely satisfying.
Practice:Identify one concrete step forward to take you to the next stage of development, one step at a time towards your goal. Then, commit!
“Never give up,” the Dalai Lama often says. When you get thrown to the ground, perseverance is developing the muscle to stand back up again. This not only builds strength and character but it also trains you to remain humble. You develop that strength by constantly pushing yourself up off the floor.
“The situations of fear that exist in our lives provide us with stepping stones to step over our fear. On the other side of cowardice is bravery. If we step over properly, we can cross the boundary from being cowardly to being brave.” ― Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche
When you confront fear head on through remaining present with it, you invite to shine through. Perseverance enables you to share your gifts with the world, in the form of love. Your love is your gift.
Persevering with your full loving presence allows your creative efforts to bear fruit so that others can share the love.
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As the Dalai Lama notes, "If you want others to be happy, practice compassion; if you want to be happy, practice compassion." So what is compassion? And why should it matter to you? In both the Hindu and Buddhist traditions, there is a practice called the 4 immeasurables (click here for a short recorded commentary by Alan Wallace.) These are heart-centered practices that can help you work with emotions, and are designed to help shift perspective from a "me" centered reality into an attitude of openness and acceptance. When you engage these practices to develop loving kindness (maitri), compassion (karuna), empathetic joy (mudita) and equanimity (upeksa) you essentially train the heart and mind to be happy.
What is Compassion?Look up the etymology of the word and you'll find that passion means "to suffer, endure,", and com means "with" or "together." So compassion means "to suffer with." When you value others' well-being more than--your own, you bypass ego's habitual routine of holding on tightly to your own experience and trying to get what will benefit only you. Ironically, this release of grip is what brings about true happiness. Because here's the thing: impermanence is a fundamental truth, as is the fact that we are all inter-connected. If you suffer, it affects me. We can't hold on to anything. Once you realize this, wishing for the well-being of others is the only true way to subvert the system.
Developing CompassionOrdinary compassion is the simple wish for others to be happy and free of suffering. We do this easily when we instinctively protect small children or when we see an animal hurt on the side of the road. We naturally feel for any being who is suffering, if we are paying attention. Developing compassion is a practice of evoking this mental muscle on a regular basis, through wishing others well.
Immeasurable CompassionDeveloping immeasurable compassion means making the aspiration that all beings may be free of suffering, not just the people in your small circle of loved ones. This means extending out your compassion to limitless beings throughout time and space, including Hitler, Osama bin Laden and perpetrators of hate crimes. This is no easy task at the beginning. It is easier to start developing immeasurable compassion with beings who you can relate to. Start where you are are and develop the practice slowly. It can help to remember that everyone was a small child once, and had a mother who loved them, if even only for a moment. Every sentient being wants to be happy. Some of us just get more misguided than others.
What Is Compassion? Benefits of Developing Compassion For Yourself + Your Relationships | KimRoberts.Co
Your practice:Tonglen --the Tibetan practice of exchanging others' suffering for our own--is a powerful way to work with difficult emotions. If you want a mini version of this practice, try this before you go to bed in the evening:
- Settle the breath and relax the body.
- Call to mind a friend or loved one who is experiencing difficulty. You can also do this practice for yourself.
- Attend to the situation and put yourself in their shoes.
- Feel the difficult emotions without wallowing or pushing them away. Just stay present.
- Release them. You can let the feelings ride out on the out-breath. Notice how that feels, and any new feelings that arise from letting go.
- Don't worry the negative feelings will get stuck with you--if you want, imagine a sun in your heart that immediately transmutes any negativity into clear, bright light. Then release any residue with the exhale, along with the bright light.
- Dedicate the benefit by saying, "May all beings be free of suffering and the causes of suffering." (Don't forget to include yourself)
Or click here for a short guided meditation I recorded for you.
This can be a challenging practice because ego's natural tendency is to look out for our own interests first. But who are 'we" anyway? Are we really as separate from each other as we might think? Taking on others' suffering is impossible, really. The feelings we feel are our own. So by working with the suffering of others, we are really developing our own resiliency.
Start with small examples where it is easy--or easier--to put others first. Consider letting someone else go first when you are waiting in a line, just to see how it feels. Notice how this shift of attitude affects your own experience.
For me, when I take on others' suffering through the practice of compassion, I start to realize my own worries are less significant. Stepping out of my own dramas to be there for someone else--even if they never know about it--gives me strength and confidence. Try it for yourself!
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A pilgrimage is always at the least two things--a literal journey and a spiritual journey. Though it involves a geographical moving about, it also requires a psychological shift of the deepest sort. But what makes it a pilgrimage and not a holiday adventure?
What Is A Pilgrimage?Pilgrimage can mean a day-trip to a temple or sacred place, or it can denote a metaphorical journey lasting decades. It is above all a psycho-spiritual journey, usually to a place of religious significance or to meet a master of wisdom, with elements of both the inner and outer journey.
A pilgrimage is a lesson in letting go. You set out on a journey, looking for something that is not yet clear. You might get exactly what you don’t expect--and this is part of the process. What your higher wisdom has in mind for you might be something else entirely. And you may not always like it.
What Does Pilgrimage Mean? A pilgrimage is more than just a journey. When you set out on an adventure with the right intention, you set in motion a process that can transform your life. This is the point of pilgrimage: transformation through travel. This is the subject of my upcoming book, Toward A Secret Sky: A Guide To The Art Of Pilgrimage.
When you take the first step on a pilgrimage, you put your life in the hands of some divine, higher wisdom. You accept that you cannot control outcomes, and surrender to the process of becoming who you truly are. You accept that there is some divine purpose to your life even if it is as simple as tending your own garden. It may not be as grandiose as the plans you had laid out for yourself, but it is your unique gift to offer the world. So there is a huge amount of trust involved, and a willingness to be with whatever arises along the path.
The Inspiration To TravelTravel--especially in a foreign country--forces you to come to terms with aspects of yourself you might not confront in your everyday life. Things come up when your environment is unknown, unexpected, changing and often challenging. Sometimes you just know that you need a retreat.
So you might pack up your home, put your life on hold, and set off traveling with an open stretch of time ahead of you. You take stock, and discover a new angle on life. Have a few adventures. Maybe make a transition in your career.
What starts out as a journey to find peace, however, can end up being anything but peaceful! Often when we are confronted with things that challenge our outlook of the world, we struggle to maintain our sense of identity. And, if you are still operating on old beliefs that no longer serve you, that might be a good thing. This is precisely the value of a pilgrimage: it shatters your identity, so that you can re-integrate around a more up-to-date sense of who you are.
Pilgrimage and TransformationPilgrimage is about learning to adapt to new situations. It’s about opening your mind to new possibilities. You have to release expectations of how you thought your journey would unfold and let the path reveal itself regardless of your preferences. You learn to to be flexible in the face of sudden change or conflict.
When you can appreciate the ups and downs with equanimity, then traveling becomes a joyful practice of observation. Rather than judging unfamiliar traditions, you start to see there are other ways of doing things. From how to eat, to how to relate to death family and intimacy—all cultures treat these in their own way. You can start to question if the way you learned to do things works for you. It gives you options to make changes or adjustments to your own life if you choose to.
When I spent a year in India, I realized that my American culture had ingrained in me certain values that I took to be truths. For example, my culture proposes that material wealth is a way to achieve happiness. When I lived among Indians, I saw a different way of looking at life, that completely changed how I perceive and approach my life. It allowed me to let other aspects of life to take priority. When I made my yoga practice a higher priority than making money, it was the first time in my life I’d actually relaxed fully.
When Things Don't Go As PlannedYou know how to make Goddess laugh right? Make plans.
You journey to meet a teacher, then discover he is at the place you just left. You take precautions against respiratory illness, only to get stomach flu. Or you sign up for a private interview with a guru on the day he has fallen ill. You reserve a guesthouse months ahead of time, only to show up and have no room. Then you can't sleep all night because of the loud music of neighborhood festivities only to get the email the next morning that you were invited to the party.
Faced with these events, you have choices. You could sulk, pout and yell, wallowing in poverty mentality. Or, you can throw up your hands (as well as the corners of your mouth) and take a deep breath.
Resistance is futile. In fact it makes it worse. Pilgrimage is above all an opportunity to see our expectations for what they are-- illusions created by conceptual mind that we then grasp at--and to let go.
Pilgrimage Means Facing Your FearsPrimarily, I think what characterizes a pilgrimage is that we are forced to face our fears head on. The whole point is to expose ego's sneaky ways to a higher wisdom in order for transformation to occur.
But pilgrimage is not for the faint of heart. It requires a certain amount of stamina and strength. The best made plans fall to bits, and things rarely go as expected. There is wisdom in learning to let go of our agenda. You learn to tolerate the tension of ego straining against its imagined edges. So if you are up for a wild ride, and an opportunity to push your limits, I highly recommend going on your own pilgrimage.
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**(This post first appeared on the blog of New Life Foundation, a mindfulness-based recovery center in northern Thailand, where I have worked intermittently since 2012, helping people find creative ways to establish emotional balance by working with emotions.)
20 Journaling Prompts For Mental Health + Emotional BalanceI often think that writing saved my life. My parents divorced when I was 11, and later that year I received a journal for Christmas. I have kept a journal ever since. Writing prompts for therapy might sound like a far-fetched idea, but I have experienced first-hand the powerful effects of letting out your thoughts and emotions on the page.
Over the years I have developed the practice of freewriting and shared it with students who also seem to benefit. So here I share with you a few journaling prompts for mental health.
What Is Freewriting?Freewriting is essentially stream of consciousness writing with an intention. It’s an excellent tool to identify things in the psyche that might go under the radar of our daily awareness. Journaling is like the perfect therapist: always available, never judgmental and --apart from a journal and a pen--virtually free. Freewriting provides clarity when working with emotions and direction for you to make life choices.
There are 4 guidelines for freewriting practice:1. Write by hand, with pen and paper, NOT on the computer. 2. Write without stopping or lifting your pen from the page – either for a fixed period of time--15 minutes is a good place to start-- or a certain number of pages. 3. Don’t censor or edit while you write. Let anything come out, even if it is gibberish, or horrifying! Remember: no judgement. If you lose your train of thought or don’t know what to write next, then write, “I don’t know what to write and I bla bla bla…..” Eventually something will come and you’ll get back in the flow. The thinking mind will try to edit strange ideas and sabotage your subconscious, which is where all the juicy stuff is. 4. Perhaps most important: do not share this! You will write more freely and honestly if you know this is FOR YOUR EYES ONLY!
You can use journaling practice in different ways:* Use freewriting to “clear the decks” of your mind, downloading after you’ve had an argument, for example, or when you need clarity about which direction to take. It's a great tool for working with emotions. * Identify habitual patterns, asking for clarity on why certain unhealthy habits arise in you. Ask open ended questions like, “How am I getting in my own way?” or “what prevents me from feeling emotional balance?” and see what comes out. * Incorporate this practice into your daily routine to keep creative juices flowing and encourage a more conscious approach to life. Ask for inspiration. Done with intention, freewriting can definitely be considered an awareness practice and lead you to increased creativity. * Ask specific questions when you have choices to make and are uncertain about a situation. You can use the journaling prompts below to get you started.
20 Journaling Prompts For Working With Emotions:1. What's going on for me right now is... 2. What really makes me happy is... 3. If I knew I could not fail, I would... 4. The last time I felt this way, I... 5. What's not working for me right now is... 6. What I wish I could change. 7. What I need to accept is... 8. The most important thing in my life is... 9. What’s really bugging me right now. 10. If I could say one thing to ___________ I would tell them… 11. I know when I’m feeling good because when I feel good I …. 12. To be honest, I would rather... 13. What do I need to let go of? 14. Who do I admire and why? 15. What does my inner critic say? Respond to it in dialogue.
Like this practice? Join me weekly for a FREE live journaling group meet-up, online. Click here for details and to join.Try visual journaling:As a variation, create a vision board that reflects your state of mind or one that you’d like to invite. Find images that reflect your intention and make a collage with them. You can do it with paper, glue and scissors, or you can also find apps online these days. Use your imagination! Try these visual journal ideas:
- Where would you like to expand your horizons
- Things that prevent emotional balance
- How you envision a new phase or relationship
- Your ideal situation would look like this
- How would you show up as your best self?
Emotional Balance + The Creative ProcessWe are creative beings. As technology reaches into the farthest reaches of civilization, we are becoming a planet of consumers. The opposite of consumer is a producer: someone who creates. This is how we develop as fully alive human beings - by manifesting that unique seed of life force that is in each of us. But you have to nourish that seed for it to grow.
Just like the body needs sleep in order to function optimally, the mind also needs rest. Mobile phones, social media and internet have virtually blocked easy access to this vital necessity. White space or down time allows the thinking mind to take rest so that new neural connections can be made and new ideas formed. Emotional balance is a by-product of this process. I can't tell you how many problems I've solved by holding a paintbrush or a pen. The simple act of letting go of the grip of conceptual mind seems to magically release a flood of insights. I think of making art (which includes writing) as a form of meditation practice.
Tapping Into The Creative ProcessWorking with emotions is essentially the foundation of creativity. When you create regularly, you start to observe your own evolution: the ongoing process of being in the present moment. Once you start paying attention to this, you also start to see changes in your life. This will encourage you to grow in positive directions.
The point is to provide a structure from which to view the mind from the same perspective each day. The activity is the same, so the nuances of the mind revealed themselves. Creativity thrives in this environment. From my own experience, when you allow your creativity to have a voice, your own voice becomes more clear, allowing your inner wisdom to shine.
want more tools to work with emotions? click here to get your free checklist, 10 Daily Habits for Mental Health + Emotional Equilibrium.
This post originally appeared as, 15 Red-Flag Warning Signs You Need A Retreat (+ What To Do About It), that I wrote for the Lake Louise Wellness blog. You might be familiar with this scenario: you set an intention to adopt good habits that support your health and wellbeing. Then one day, you realize you've gone drastically off course. Your health is suffering, your mood is dark, and your outlook less than inspired.
Taking care of ourselves means learning to identify what diminishes us and when to ask for support. It does NOT mean being perfect. It just means learning to adjust when we start veering off-course.
Do Any Of These Resonate?1. You can’t live without your phone or computer for one whole day (or even an hour) 2. You can’t remember the last time you took some time off (or walked in the woods, or read a book, or had a really good night’s sleep) 3. You’ve been trying to find a solution to the same problem for months or years or decades, without success 4. You’ve been hard on yourself and irritable with others 5. Your self-care routines (and your life) have fallen into chaos 6. You feel tense, sluggish, uptight...decidedly not radiant 7. Your mind is so busy you can’t keep track of everything 8. You’ve just experienced a major life change and need to figure out how to digest everything and re-adjust 9. You find yourself getting irritated for no good reason 10. You spend more time surrounded by cars than trees 11. You’ve stopped exercising or doing your yoga practice 12. You feel overwhelmed by the pace of life 13. You're fed up with the maddening world news 14. You're not sure you are on the right path but don’t know how to make a change 15. You feel anxious, exhausted, depressed and stressed out most of the time
Signs You Need A RetreatWe all fall out of well-intentioned habits occasionally. Part of taking care of ourselves is learning what trips us and when to ask for support.
When you change your daily habits without awareness—you start eating more sugar, having that extra glass of wine in the evening, or start the morning with e-mail instead of a walk, a yoga practice or picking up your pen or paintbrush—then the tone of your day is set. Combine a string of days and the tone of your life is set.
One of the biggest signs you need a retreat is that you just feel like you've gone off-course. Where have you fallen into unhealthy habits that don’t support your well-being? How would it feel to start out on a new foot, rebuilding from the foundation? Imagine re-orienting your life around a new theme or set of circumstances.
Then take one small step in any direction. Just one step, for now.
A life-changing journey begins with one small step. Adopt one new habit and commit. Tell someone so you are held accountable.
A New Life Starts With A New AttitudeIt is as simple as changing our daily habits. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. Start small. Notice habits that nourish you and those that don’t. Your body knows. Then commit to one small change and notice how other aspects of your life fall into place to support that change.
These simple practices provide the base to develop a strong and grounded connection to your mind and to your experience. When you develop a sane relationship with your mind, you can then maintain a healthy relationship to your world.
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Twenty years ago when I opened a Hotmail account, I wrote my first email to my grandmother from Mysore, India. Toppy and I had exchanged letters regularly since I was a child, and I was thrilled by this magical device that let me see her letters in a matter of hours, rather than weeks. Fast forward 25 years, and my fascination with email has waned, to say the least. So I've devised a simple tool for sanity and self help that has been life changing. Ironic isn’t it how one small shift can completely transform your life? The invention that connects so many people in real-time can also leave us feeling so disconnected.
One Small Shift Can Be Life ChangingMany of us no longer sit quietly to watch a sunset, or sit in a sidewalk cafe simply to observe the flow of life, or open a hardback book to read--much less compose a hand-written letter. These are precious gifts, and habits I developed early in my life. I would hate to imagine life without them. We wouldn't dream of getting on an airplane to India without having a hotel reservation, or without even knowing if the teacher you are going to study with is in town! (He wasn't, at first.)
We can see how this simple shift —access to internet—has transformed our world, and our lives. One small daily shift and BAM our lives took a different turn. Habits matter. So it is worth looking at the habits we have developed.
Best Self Help Advice: Disconnect DailyJust as our internet usage started with one simple choice, so we can choose to undo habits that no longer serve.
When you change your daily habits without awareness—you start eating more cake, having that extra glass of wine in the evening, or start the morning with email instead of a walk or a yoga practice or picking up your pen or paintbrush—then the tone of your day is set. Combine a string of days, and the tone of your life is set. Self help is nothing more than taking care of yourself.
Transformation happens when you take time out from the daily onslaught of trivia. When you shift your awareness from external to internal reference points, you reaffirm the connection with your inner wisdom. This relationship is like any other--it thrives when we make it a priority.
Adopt One Life Changing Habit To Invite TransformationIt is as simple as changing our daily habits. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. Start small. Notice habits that nourish you and those that don’t. Your body knows. Then make one small change and set a boundary around your internet use.
Here are some ideas:
- Turn off your internet at night. Don't turn it on until after your morning practice.
- Put your phone in a drawer on Sundays and don't open it until Monday.
- Get an alarm clock. Keep your smart phone out of your bedroom.
- Use an autoresponder to let people know you received their message and will get back to them--when it is convenient for you. Get comfortable with the feeling of letting people wait to hear back from you.
- Delay checking email until after breakfast
- Close up shop and your devices after dinner
- Leave your phone at home when you go for a walk
I know for some people this may seem radical or unreasonable. But even just setting an intention to reduce online time has huge results. Start small and experiment.
The past few weeks I've had to focus on meeting a deadline so was forced to set limits and focus on my project. I have been amazed how how much more peaceful I feel when I limit internet usage.
Connect to the space of your mind instead! You will be happy you did.
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Can meditation help you cultivate emotional balance? That depends. Through developing alertness while in a settled state of mind, you might begin to notice things that are "trending" in your consciousness. If you pay attention to your emotional landscape, you can respond appropriately. But, if you are simply relaxing the mind, or spacing out and calling it meditation practice, the answer is not so sure. Some people experience extreme states of emotional and mental disruption that may be hereditary. If you suffer from extreme mental states, you may not alway have the option to stay present. I lost a friend recently who was one of our Crestone community members in a tragic event--a horrible suicide. Though he was an experienced meditator--and a meditation teacher-- he had struggled with psychotic episodes for many years. So meditation is not a panacea--let's be clear about this. ***
Can meditation help the rest of us?
Applied MindfulnessIf you have ever tried to follow the breath in meditation, you know that the mind wanders easily away from the present moment—it has a tendency to get distracted. When your distracted mind is left unchecked for prolonged periods, you may end up ignoring entire aspects of your life.
But, when you are able to focus the mind for a while, you start to recognize your habitual patterns. Not all habitual patterns are bad—washing your hands after changing the kitty litter is probably a good one to keep. Maxing out your credit card on a retail therapy binge whenever you have a bad day at work might become problematic. Once you are able to see the patterns, then you can start to ask yourself: do I really want to keep doing this?
Luckily, you may have a choice. You recognize this choice by practicing mindfulness. You start simply by sitting down to watch your mind in meditation. If you do this on a regular basis, and maintain a certain degree of focus and discipline, you will--sooner or later--start to experience moments of clarity and presence.
Settling The Mind + Emotional BalanceBut, while mindfulness may provide temporary relief of ignorance —the tendency to avoid the truth of what is right in front of us-- it won’t alleviate emotional suffering over the long term. For this, you need insight.
In order to witness your destructive patterns, you have to take a step back and develop a wider perspective. For that you need awareness, which arises through expanding your view. The key to making mindfulness applicable to emotional wellness is to develop awareness, which leads to insight.
Developing AwarenessIf mindfulness is continuously coming back to the present moment, awareness is recognizing the context in which mindfulness takes place. Awareness is observing the process of being mindful.
Observing your present experience can be surprisingly challenging. You may be so accustomed to a certain outcome, that you may miss things that do not fit with your expectations. But the more you practice, the more subtle detail you might observe—in your thoughts, emotions, and environment.
What's The Difference Between Mindfulness And Awareness?Mindfulness is bringing your focus back to the task at hand, whether you are observing the breath in meditation, or chopping carrots. Awareness is remembering to be mindful of what you are doing. So when you get distracted during meditation, or when you have to suddenly attend to the boiling soup on the stove, you come back and remember your focus. Return to the breath, or to the carrots, and resume your mindfulness—tending to whatever you have chosen as your object of attention.
What Is Emotional Wellness?Wellness means more than just the absence of disease--it is a practice of creating the circumstances for health to flourish and thrive. This approach to wellness also applies to emotional health.
Emotional wellness is more than just the absence of stress--it’s about encouraging a stable mental state. Through various practices, it is possible to strengthen your capacity to tolerate the emotional storms that arise.
Essentially emotional wellness is accessing our basic goodness--that inherent ground of sanity and well-being we are all born with. Our natural state of mind, when unencumbered by the chaotic thoughts and feelings we often superimpose, is one of simplicity, ease and spaciousness. We were born this way. Just look at a new born baby and you’ll see what I mean.
From a Buddhist perspective we are all basically good at the core. That doesn’t necessarily mean that we always act good or do good things, but it means that the ground of our being is essentially workable. If we just get out of our own way, our original nature knows how to heal itself and thrive.
How Can Meditation Help Cultivate Emotional Balance?The way to interrupt bad habits that cause suffering is to first become aware of them. In practicing mindfulness and awareness, we learn to identify habitual patterns. Once we are able to see how bad habits cause suffering, we can apply antidotes and make corrections. A regular sitting meditation practice can create the foundation for this awareness.
Awareness is the great medicine that allows us to heal our emotional wounds. Without our imbalances—our heart-breaks, struggles, disappointments and obstacles-- there would be no journey to take—no need to seek medicine. So we should also bow to our weaknesses, in gratitude.
Awareness also leads to recognition of the interconnected nature of every aspect of our experience. We start to see how relaxing the body and deepening the breath affects our state of mind. Eventually we start to see how every thought, word and action sends out waves that affect the subtle details of our environment, relationships and emotional balance.
Tips To Improve Emotional BalanceObserve the BreathMake a habit of checking in with your breath. The easiest way to start is to notice the breath while meditating, but don't stop there. Notice your breath when you are on the computer, or talking to a friend, or driving to an appointment. Get to know how the breath changes with your state of mind. From a yogic perspective, when the “winds” are disturbed, the mind will be agitated. When you settle the breath into a rhythmic flow, the mind also settles. Whenever you notice you are distracted, return again to the experience of breath entering and leaving the body. This is a first step toward settling the mind.
Settle the Mind Think of a jar filled with water and sand. When it is shaken, the sand swirls around clouding the water. This is what a chaotic mind is like—no clarity. A settled state of mind is characterized by the clarity of recognizing the gaps between thoughts. Notice the background from which thoughts arise. When you ally with the spaciousness of the mind instead of the contents of the mind (thoughts and emotions) you automatically shift your perspective and allow emotional wellness to take root.
Become Curious About Your ExperienceTune in to your body to see what you are feeling. You might continue to engage in destructive patterns because you’re simply not aware of them. You can’t see the development of the process and go into “reaction mode.” There is a stimulus - like someone saying something hurtful—that sparks a feeling that you don’t like. You don’t want to feel it, and so you hurry to find an escape from that feeling. There are all sorts of responses--you might lash out in anger, run away, pick up a cigarette, quit the job, ditch the partner—anything to distract you from the physical sensations of a disturbing emotion. When you slow the whole process down with awareness, you give yourself a pause to check in and choose an alternative response.
This is how daily meditation practice enables you to access emotional wellness on a regular basis--by allowing you to access the gap between stimulus and response. Then, rather than reacting from habit, you can choose how to respond appropriately.
*** If you do struggle with extreme mental states, please seek help from a qualified therapist while also working with meditation, and possibly medication.
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We live in crazy times. Sometimes it feels like staying sane is a full-time job, and amping up daily. Political turmoil, immigration issues, environmental disasters, human rights scandals. Then, places where many people go to find solace fall apart as spiritual communities disintegrate under the burden of unethical leaders. Where do we turn for self care? The short answer is: inside. We turn inside to find the answers.
Anytime we look for answers outside in the phenomenal world, we turn away from our inner wisdom. Sanity can be found by sitting still, getting silent and then learning to listen to the messages that arise. Just like in any close relationship, we have to nurture our connection with sanity. Give her space and an generous invitation and she will show up. Here are a few ideas for how to do that.
Here are 18 Simple Self Care Tips To Stay Sane:1. Wake Up Early And Take A Walk Even a short walk in the garden will do. Make one of your first breaths of the day full out outside air. Reconnect with nature--our source-- right from the start of the day. 2. Establish Daily Routines Routines serve as back up for when you get lost. They are back-up plans for when you lose the path. Just like meditation serves as sane focus for your mind, routines serve as a sane focus for your activities--your body. 3. Eat Breakfast In Silence, Without Technology Isn't it nice to have peace and quiet? Let your mind have space until you are ready to engage with the world. 4. Designate (At Least) One Day A Week To Forego Sugar--Feel The Empowerment Sugar gives you a surge then sucks your energy--and your minerals, which feed the nervous system. So when these get depleted, your nervous system gets agitated, making it hard to relax and stay grounded. Eat real--unprocessed--food. 5. Keep A Stock Of Herbal Remedies Valerian, Kava Kava, Rescue Remedy and chamomile tea are some of my favorites. I use these liberally. I also love this herbal formula called Relax, and this fantastic tincture called Serenity, made right here in Crestone. 6. Lie Down The quickest and easiest way to ground, regroup, refresh, replenish and restore. I'm a huge fan of the siesta, and shavasana. 7. Listen To A Grounding Guided Meditation Or Relaxation We all need a bit of support from time to time. When I'm feeling edgy, I love letting someone else guide me into a deep relaxation. Click here to listen to a 5 minute guided relaxation. 8. Talk Less, Listen More We've got two ears and one mouth. Is it a hint? Listening allows space; talking fills it. 9. Ditch Your Car When You Can Traffic is maddening, in both senses of the word mad. Take the bus and read a book. Walk, ride or cycle. Carpool. Or stay at home... 10. Put Your Phone In A Drawer You know this. Put it away for extended periods of time, like when you are dining with friends. Lift your head and smile at someone. Look them in the eye. You don't always have to be available. 11. Go On A Weekly Culture Or Nature Date Take yourself out of the pop culture and deepen into one aspect of our rich life on the planet. Beauty is healing, whether natural or creative. Celebrate the arts--local, global, historic, whatever. Earth with art is just "eh." 12. Soak Self care is knowing what supports your state of mind. I always feel better --bien dans ma peau--after a swim in the ocean. But I live in land-locked Colorado. So I frequently go to the hot springs, and daily to my bathtub. Sanctuary. 13. Inhale No, not that. Although with marijuana now legal in so many places you might be tempted. I personally don't feel very sane on the rare occasions that I indulge--and never by smoking. Yes, it can help relax, but I find the residual effects counteract any relaxation with a lack of clarity. I prefer to keep clear and find other ways to relax. Inhale essential oils instead: lavender, rose, chamomile. Very grounding. 14. Reframe When things start getting heated, ask yourself: will this matter on my deathbed? So much of what consumes our daily attention provokes us to react. We are temporary features on this planet, so focus on what is the kindest response--to yourself and others. Go with what feels harmonious and retreat from what feels discordant. You'll save a lot of energy and stop spinning wheels. And while you're still alive... 15. Breathe As consciously as possible. Breath is our guidance system. When you pause to check in with your breath (instead of your phone, for example) you are by default checking in with a sane state of mind. When you get practiced at this, you'll discover all sorts of information: thoughts, feelings, hunches, intuition about what's happening. If you tune in to these messages, you'll be able to make more informed choices. 16. Take Magnesium Magnesium gets leached from the bones when we get stressed. Studies have associated low magnesium with depressive tendencies and insomnia. So if you are low on magnesium, you might notice your sleep getting disturbed and your mood getting dark. You can also get this deeply grounding mineral by eating (preferably raw) chocolate--although I prefer not to eat chocolate in the evening as it can affect sleep. So if you go with cacao, do it earlier in the day. 17. Shut Your Computer Down At Least An Hour Before Bed I don't mean just closing the notebook. I mean turning it off. That way you won't be tempted to do "just one more thing" before bed. Light from your computer screen agitates the nervous system and makes it hard to settle in to sleep. Not to mention all the bad news you can find there... 18. Get An Alarm Clock Do you really want to know all the news first thing in the morning? Turn your phone off and put it in a kitchen drawer when you go to bed. Make it part of your daily routine when you will choose to turn on your phone.
Making even small efforts to prioritize your sanity and self care will start to change your experience. From an ultimate perspective, everything is an illusion, though at times these illusions trap us in difficult emotions. Setting aside time to tend to self care invites a sane response to a world gone completely mad.
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Most people begin meditation practice because they think it will make them feel better. Fair enough: many people's first introduction to sitting practice is a technique called shamatha meditation. Shamatha, in Sanskrit, translates as “developing peace.” But the development of this peace is often anything but peaceful. When you first sit down to observe your mind in shamatha meditation, it may feel like you are submitting yourself to a tour of the rainforest: thick vegetation obscures clear vision, terrifying sounds call from the darkness, the path is laden with obstacles. Welcome to your mind. No wonder so many people try sitting meditation and give up. It's hard to stay with it at first.
The point of shamatha meditation practice is simply to observe what is happening, right now, and remain present.Especially at the beginning, it may seem like thoughts are as thick as the rainforest vegetation. There doesn't seem to be any gap for the light to shine through. But this is the first step in gaining clarity--seeing where there is none. This is perfectly good meditation practice. The point is to simply observe what is happening. Then later, you may discover new facets of the forest, and places where light shines bright.
But here is one big mistake you may be making in your meditation practice: expecting results.I fell into this trap for a long time. To be completely honest, I still fall into this trap. I keep hoping meditation practice will make my difficult emotions disappear. I still catch myself believing that if I just practice diligently, everything will fall into place effortlessly, and make my life perfect.
Meditation practice does not change the facts of life: that sometimes we get what we want, and sometimes we don't. So meditation practice is not a quick fix for your woes.
What meditation practice can do is provide you with a lens through which to view your mental and emotional process. You then have the choice to stay present in the moment while the turmoil plays itself out. You no longer have to freak out and dive for the nearest drug to ease you pain--you can simply stay in your body and feel the emotions as they arise. After a few minutes of observing your experience, the intensity dissipates. This is how you gain clarity about your own habitual patterns and propensities.
THAT, is valuable information, if you choose to apply it. Meditation practice is not going to make life go the way you want, but it can teach you to be aware when shit is about to happen, so that you an apply preventative measures, rather than spinning out into drama. It helps you learn to stay present with experience no matter how difficult, so you don’t add to the pain by layering all sorts of other garbage on top of the original experience. You learn to let go of the extras, like self- doubt, judgement, reactivity and destructive behaviors.
Abandon any hope of fruition.Don’t expect meditation to make you feel better, more calm, more confident. Whatever your particular issues are, when you deepen your meditation, you’ll most likely experience these issues in technicolor vision, with surround-sound as well. In Your Face. It’s not always easy. Or fun.
But here's the trick: once you learn to weather the emotional storms, you do gain confidence. This tends to make you feel better, and maybe just a bit more calm.
All of this is just to say that meditation is not a panacea for suffering. Shit happens. Really painful shit. And sometimes meditation seems to make it more intense because you become aware of the excruciating details of the process, like watching a great literary scene unfold. You watch the characters undo their lives, moment by moment, gesture by gesture; the pauses between the words, the missed cues. You feel the magnitude of what they are about to say before they say it and still you can do nothing to alter the course of the story. All you can do is watch as the protagonists destroy themselves.
If those protagonists were meditators, it would be a different story....(and probably less entertaining.)
What is the big mistake most people make in their meditation practice?It is expecting meditation to eliminate suffering from your life. Sorry! I wish I had better news. But the good news is that it helps your mind become strong and supple, so you can handle it. And you start to become more aware of when a "great literary scene" is about to arise in your life, so you can prepare or avert it.
So what is the point then? Why meditate?Why not just carry on as most of humanity does, letting awareness flit from one distraction to another, ever ready for the next sound byte to carry them away from the present moment, avoiding the unpleasant or unresolvable questions that might highlight the precariousness of the human predicament?
Because living that way is fundamentally unsatisfying.There is no lasting happiness as long as we base our happiness on external circumstances. We come here for no good reason that we can discern, fumble about trying to figure out what to do once we’re here, and then BAM we die. Really, who wants to think about these things?
(Apparently I do. and if you’ve made it this far with me, you do too.)
A quote by Elizabeth Mattis Namgyel encapsulates this dilemma in her little gem, The Power of an Open Question:
“How do we live a life we can’t hold on to?” How do we live with the fact that the moment we’re born we move closer to death; when we fall in love we sign up for grief? How do we reconcile that gain always ends in loss; gathering, in separation?”
Meditation Practice Is A ToolMeditation is simply a tool to help you settle into the ultimately unanswerable questions life poses. You don’t have all the answers. But you can learn to formulate interesting questions and then rest in the space that arises after you ask the question.
I prefer to be aware of the fundamental mystery we are living. Resting in a clear view of open potential makes it manageable. I’ve learned to be OK–maybe not always happy – but OK when shit happens. Because I know that too is impermanent. And I learned to trust this through meditation, through observing the mind. Eventually, with sustained effort, the practice does allow you to rest in a state of peace while the earth falls away under your feet. And that is a wild ride worth the price of the ticket.
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You’ve probably figured out that there’s no such thing as a straight shot when finding your way in life. Four steps forward, eight steps back; three steps forward, and the ground gives way. Sometimes it feels like you need to reinvent yourself on a daily basis.
Here is a reliable truth: things fall apart.Impermanence is a fact of life. Until you accept this, you will suffer. The illusion of stability may lull you into believing you have solid ground under your feet. But we all know things can change in an instant.
All composite things fall apart. And everything is composite.
The problem is not that things fall apart--that's just a law of nature. The reason you may think it is a problem is that your thinking has not caught up with the reality.
Relaxing Is The KeyThe key to successfully navigating disintegration is to relax and pay attention. Make friends with the situation. Let go of your expectations and become curious about what new perspectives are coming into view. Be open to new possibilities and see where life takes you. Sometimes you simply need to let go in order to orient your life around an updated perspective.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to reinvent myself. I used to kick and scream every time, lamenting all the wasted effort, all the dreams gone up in smoke.
Now I welcome change, because I realize that when things fall apart, it's because a shift is needed. It's only a problem if I think it's a problem.
Things Fall ApartYou may dream of an ideal situation where things will go smoothly, forever. You will be peaceful, happy, successful and fulfilled. These days there are so many people willing to help you do that: coaches, advisors, teachers, gurus, counselors, consultants.
There's nothing wrong with learning skills to improve your circumstances. But the problem with this approach is relying on circumstances to make you happy. This approach ignores one fundamental law of the universe: things fall apart. Even when you finally do get what you want, you will worry about it being taken away, (and it eventually will be) so why waste the precious present in future think, when this moment is already passing away?
More important than learning to manipulate the outer circumstances, is learning to accept what is happening in your current circumstances.
Progress is an idyll created by those in a hurry to escape the present moment.Until a few years ago, I lived in Thailand for most of the year. I loved my life in Thailand. Then one day things fell apart and it didn't make sense for me to be there anymore. I had to reinvent myself in Colorado where I now live. It hasn't always been easy, or clear, but I've rearranged my entire life to make room for something new that wanted to come forth-- my secret passions—writing and making art.
And, because I've made room for these activities, I recently found a publisher for the book I am currently working on that will be published in 2019.
So from one perspective it may look like things falling apart. From another, it is just a shift, so that you can focus on something new. When things are not working out, listen up and see if it’s a sign for you to shift your focus slightly. It's always a good time to reinvent yourself.
Here’s A Little Map To Reinvent Yourself When Things Fall Apart:1. Take stock and identify support: Let go immediately of what wants to dissolve. The sooner you are able to let go of something weighing you down, the better. Create space for something new to arrive.
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Preserve resources: Stop spinning your wheels and reflect on the new landscape. This is when I usually schedule a meditation retreat. Make friends with space and try not to fill it up.
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Solitude and silence are needed for creation: Dream up a vision for yourself, whether or not you think it is realistic. What do you really want? Where does your heart tell you to go? Sometimes the big breaks can give you permission to do what you’ve always wanted to do. What would your fantasy life look like if you were to reinvent yourself?
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Take one small step in any direction: Just one step, for now. A life-changing journey begins with one small step.
When things fall apart, it's only a problem if you are attached to the original outcome that you’ve made up in your mind. Release expectations of how you thought your journey would unfold and let the path reveal itself regardless of your preferences. Learn to to be flexible in the face of sudden change or conflict. Take a deep breath. Repeat.
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When you feel overwhelmed by all the suffering in the world--either your own, or the stories that bombard us daily in the news--it's hard to see wisdom in it. Suffering hurts. We tend to get stuck in our stories about what happened, how we, or others, were wronged. (Click here to listen to this guided meditation to develop self compassion.)
Suffering Is The Seed Of CompassionWhen you allow the suffering of the world to touch you--when you can stay with it, without getting overwhelmed--you actually help heal the situation. By consciously taking on suffering, you expand the capacity of your heart. This then increases your capacity for joy, because your heart gets bigger.
Suffering is suffering -- there is no "yours" and "mine." As soon as you acknowledge that simple fact, the thing that brought so much pain then becomes the letter of introduction, the initiation to open-heartedness. Com-passion: to suffer with.
When you sign up to take a deep look at things by practicing meditation in a disciplined way, you sign up for everything, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Birth, old age, sickness and death.
There is no bypassing the latter two, no bargaining death. Things will come when they are good and ready, and they will fall apart just as easily, independent of our feelings about the whole phenomenal display. From an ultimate perspective, good and bad are no different. There is only that which causes suffering, and that which heals it. In the end, it all evaporates like mist, revealing the beauty of simple suchness underneath.
The Wisdom Of Not DoingIn the meantime, you do not have to try to make anything happen. Your job is to be kind, and present, joyfully, to appreciate--to love-- the splendor of it all, and to keep doing that. To use the ground you fall down upon as the leverage to press yourself back up to standing.
You learn that you have to extend love, respect and compassion to yourself before you can receive it from anyone else.
You may expect meditation to suddenly make your life peaceful and easy and happy. The modern context insists that meditation is going to make you stress-free. But Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche was so clear on this point. Meditation is simply the way in--a way to start developing a sane relationship to your present experience and that, if anything, it would most likely make life more intense, excruciating and miserable at times.
Despite deep practice and devotion, still the world turns round and round, still samsara (the merry-go-round of conditioned existence) rules and still there is suffering. Chogyam Trungpa said about meditation practice that It's not about happiness. It's about something much more interesting than that.
But who wants to hear that? How do you get any relief from that kind of statement?
It's About LoveThe love I'm talking about is not the special sauce--not the fairy tale love of the cinemas. It's the love of things as they are-- exactly as they are-- right now. Because they can be no different. Rather than assuming you understand what is happening right now, just take a moment to listen. There is a stillness that comes from that listening, and that stillness is peace. It comes down to simply accepting what fate has tossed your way, accepting the pain and loss, the disappointment and letting that pierce to the core of your heart. Because a devastated heart is an open heart.
Like Rumi says, "God's treasures lie in ruined hearts."
Acceptance doesn't mean sitting by idly while people suffer, it means that before we can act with benefit, we first have to accept the situation as it is. Then, and only then, can you act with wisdom.
Wisdom Is Learning To Tolerate SufferingIt is about learning to tolerate experience. You tune in so deeply that intense pain becomes simply a deeper resonance, a different vibration on the musical scale and you learn to appreciate that sort of music. I don't say like: you don't have to like it. But appreciate it, and accept it. Then you can love it.
When everything falls apart, moments of quiet contemplation reconnected you to the earth, and to your wounded heart.
You might think that by practicing deep meditation and yoga that you can avoid the work, and the pain of life, but in fact the opposite is true. Deep practice invites suffering, because this is how you burn off karma.
Samsara Or Nirvana?The only difference between samsara and nirvana is your attitude toward the phenomenal world. Attachment and revulsion perpetuate your suffering. Wisdom means total acceptance of whatever arises, and letting go of that urge to try to fix things. Not everything can be fixed. I'm not saying don't support worthy causes. I'm saying don't fight things. Without acceptance, your actions will be based on aggression as you try to change the things that you can't accept.
Why is it so difficult to accept what is?
Failure, despair, loss, and rejection are hard pills to swallow. But why do we have this idea that we should be moving toward some goal? Where do we think we are headed? We get an idea about a result—how we want our life, our work, our relationships--to look, and then we get busy manipulating the phenomenal world to create that. And why not? Creation is an act worthy of the gods. But what happens when our masterpiece fails? What if we run out of paint? Lose our vision? What if it just doesn't work?
When you accept whatever it is that arises, not just with your mind, but with your whole being, then that is wisdom. That is love. You don't need anyone to love-- just love what is. Start with yourself.
Click here to listen to a short self compassion meditation.
There is much speculation about what causes depression. Some say it is a mental illness we are born with, others attribute it to a chemical imbalance, or call it hereditary. I believe there are some people who are predisposed to depression, but what the large majority of what we call depression these days is caused by not taking care of ourselves--and I don't mean that as a judgement. It's just that perhaps we never learned how to properly tend to our own well-being.
Depression May Indicate Feeling Out Of SynchMany of us spend our early lives feeling like an odd guest in our own families. We may have different values or beliefs, or simply not understand the family culture in which we were raised. If we are too young to understand that, we may blame ourselves for not fitting in. This can easily cause depressive tendencies.
Struggling to carve out the independence required of a young adult while still craving the nurturing that got cut off so abruptly, you might have internalized a feeling of not belonging. It can be startling to see how this residue can color so much of your experience. The despair of not feeling connected to those around us can turn into depression that may take a lifetime to learn to cope with it.
Depression + Ego's GameYoga was the first thing that actually seemed to help me work with my own depression years ago. Yoga practice showed me that the darkness I experienced was just an expression of feelings. I gradually saw that they did not really exist as anything other than sensations.
The feelings were ego’s messengers, and I learned that it is ok to kill the messenger. Necessary even. Feelings are not the problem; it is the acts they drive us to that cause the difficulty. Embarrassment, shame, self-consciousness...these are simply ego and its entourage. The practice is to see through the game. You have to stop believing your depressed story. It is a senseless cycle, but to see it is to begin the path. I love this video because it show how to take back your power from the dreaded beast called depression.
This Video Describes In No Nonsense Terms What Causes Depression.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ZbPECl16bc&feature=youtu.be
Mental Health + The Medical ModelThe medical model approach is not always the answer to working with mental health. Often the best remedies are simple tools to work with awareness of how we are treating ourselves.
Yoga and meditation practice gave me a practical tool--a daily discipline to show up for--and this changed everything. If you suffer from depression or other mental health issues, know that islands of clarity are available at any moment, simply by noticing them. All you need to do is be present and drop the storyline. Learn to stay with the sensations and move the energy through the body. I'm not saying this is easy, but with practice it is possible. Then you are free to create another, healthier story. It can also help to seek out a therapist.
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I discovered writing prompts years ago as a way to help clarify the confusion that often accompanies negotiating change. It can be so hard to know which direction to take in life. I've learned that the best advice often comes from my inner wise guide who speaks through the written word.
Negotiating Change + The Creative ProcessWe are creative beings. This is how we develop as fully alive human beings - by manifesting that unique seed of life force that is in each of us. That seed is not only your creativity given form, but it is also your guidance. But you have to nourish that seed for it to grow.
In order to nurture this seed, it helps to develop a relationship with it. I can't tell you how many problems I've solved by holding a pen and simply letting it flow across the page with a question loosely held in mind. So this is not about "thinking" your way through something on the page. It's like holding the pen, with the intention to gain clarity, and then being a witness to what arises. The simple act of letting go of the grip of conceptual mind seems to magically release a flood of insights.
A Map For Negotiating ChangeTo set the stage for this process, think of it as evolution: identifying where you are, and where you would like to be, and then let the path reveal itself. It can be helpful to think of this as ground, path and fruition.
Ground: Where are you right now. This could be as simple as describing your surroundings: sights, sounds, smells, and the surrounding situation. This can be a great way to dive in and just get the pen flowing. Once you get a groove, you may start to tap into deeper stuff that’s going on.
Path:Where are you heading? If you were to take your hands off the steering wheel --metaphorically speaking--where would you end up? What is the trajectory in your life? Is it where you want to go? Could you avoid a collision by steering slightly or applying the brakes?
Fruition: Where would you like to end up? What is your ideal outcome in the current situation? Do you have insights into what that looks like? Often the simple act of identifying what you want, or rather how you would like to feel, can empower you to create the circumstances. You suddenly become aware of things you didn’t see before, and identify opportunities that can help you progress along the right path.
Journaling Practice Can Help With Negotiating Change:* Use free-writing to “clear the decks” of your mind, downloading after you’ve had an argument, for example, or when you need clarity about which direction to take. * Identify habitual patterns, asking for clarity on why certain unhealthy habits arise in you. Ask open ended questions like, “How am I getting in my own way?” or “Why do I keep getting into trouble?” and see what comes out. * Incorporate this practice into your daily routine to keep creative juices flowing and encourage a more conscious approach to life. Ask for inspiration. Done with intention, freewriting can definitely be considered an awareness practice and lead you to increased creativity. * Ask specific questions when you have choices to make and are uncertain about a situation. You can use the journaling prompts below to get you started.
12 Writing Prompts For Negotiating ChangeWriting prompts can be used with this free-writing practice to help you mine your subconscious and encourage the voice of your inner wisdom to come forth.
- What’s really bugging me right now...
- If I could say one thing to ___________ I would tell them…
- To be honest, I would rather...
- I really need to let go of...
- What does my inner critic say? Respond to it in dialogue.
- What's happening right now is...
- I know when I'm really happy because...
- If I knew I could not fail, I would...
- The last time I felt this way, I...
- What I wish I could change.
- What I need to accept is...
- How do I get in my own way?
Negotiating Change Without The Burden of StressNegotiating change is often accompanied by worry, stress or anxiety. When you have tools--such as these writing prompts-- to help you gain clarity, it takes away added burden of stress about whether or not you've made the right choice. Write until you feel a sense of clarity in your bones. If there's not a final solution that becomes clear, then go for small steps.
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Restorative yoga feels like my dirty little secret. As I get older and my practice focuses more on rest and rejuvenation, I've identified a terrible lie we've all been told. I'm sure you have heard it: hard work always pays off.
To that, I'd like to respectfully say: bullshit.
The myth that "nothing but hard work will bring you success (or happiness, or love)" used to run me ragged. What I've discovered is that the more I do what I enjoy, the more success (and happiness, and love) I feel. There is nothing hard or work-like about it.
Relax and Listen To Your Body's WisdomRecently, I visited one of my favorite places in the world: Ojo Caliente mineral hot springs. I spent two full days soaking, reading, walking, painting. Occasionally, conversation sparked with another soaker. Otherwise, there was a whole lotta nothing going on.
Back at home, I returned to my work with renewed enthusiasm and vigor. But something shifted. I realized that I don't want to ever "work" again.
Shifting Your PerspectiveWhen you have to force yourself to do something that feels like a struggle, you are essentially going against your body's wisdom. Your body knows when a situation or an activity is aligned with your inner wisdom (or not) and it will tell you so: by becoming either relaxed and healthy (or stressed and sick.) The signs are pretty clear. But if you're not paying attention, you could miss them. Or you might be in a temporary phase of working through something. Or you might chronically override your body's messages and miss the life that was meant for you. Regular gentle yoga will keep the rejuvenation process active.
Relax and Notice What You LoveOne of my favorite things in the world is to spend an afternoon immersed in a great work of literature, or a contemporary art museum. My body literally vibrates when I am in the experience. My mind gets calm, clear and inspired. The message is clear. What I do with that message is up to me. This is a process that has not completely revealed itself yet, but I am doing my "practice" of painting and writing every day and seeing what unfolds.
This is not to say there is no labor in doing what you love, and I'm not advocating laziness. Getting on your yoga mat can mean a very focused practice, even if it is not outwardly vigorous. But do you really need to work so dang hard all the time?
Do What You Love, Rest + Rejuvenation Will FollowIt's not much more complicated than this. But you can make it complicated. Many of us have self-imposed rules, or externally imposed rules. We have belief systems that subvert our truth. For many years, practicing a vigorous daily Ashtanga practice was what I loved. Then at some point it got to be too much. But because I had bought into the system by that point, it took me YEARS to allow myself to slow down and listen to my body. I was not listening.
Often we don't know what we love because we have those preconceived ideas dictating what we think we should be doing. Or we let endless distractions hijack our attention and sabotage our awareness. This is truly a tragedy. When you relax and listen to your body's wisdom your intentions are attuned to your actions.
One Posture To Add To Your Restorative Yoga Practice
Yoga Posture to Manage Anxiety | KimRoberts.Co
Take time out every day to settle in to this posture and pay attention to your body's wisdom. Notice any tension in your body, become aware of your thoughts, and let them go while you focus your attention on allowing the breath to settle down. Spend at least 10-20 minutes here--you will be amazed at how relaxed and renewed you feel afterward.
Here is a great interview with Judith Lasater a wise and seasoned yogini who now champions yoga postures that allow for rest and rejuvenation. Listen to her view on the importance of rest, and being kind to ourselves, and how restorative yoga can help with that process.
Practice Tip: Try changing up your practice and adding in a restorative yoga sequence at least once a week.Did you find this post useful? Please share with your friends on social media using the buttons below!
What is the point of mindfulness meditation practice? Why would you want to sit down and follow your breath for a period of time each day? Why Meditate? Many people come to meditation thinking that it will help make their minds more calm and peaceful. It may. Then again, it may not happen immediately. This is probably not what you want to hear! But it's important to be clear that meditation practice has a different aim than psychological healing.
The point of mindfulness meditation practice is to develop a sane relationship to experience.As we grow up, we humans develop an idea about who we are and then put our energies into maintaining this self-image. When life presents challenges, our self- image may get battered, our goals thwarted; we suffer as a result. We ALL do this, to varying degrees. The more attached we are to our self-image, the more we suffer when things do not support this image.
So the first venture into mindfulness meditation practice may be as an attempt to escape the suffering of this unpredictable world. Perhaps you want to learn to calm your mind. Meditation practice can help to identify the boundaries of ego so that you can disassemble it, or rather see that it has never existed. The first step on the path then starts with seeing the illusory nature of ego. Eventually you come to understand that practice may not abolish your suffering entirely, but it will give you tools to manage your experience in a sane and grounded way.
What Kind Of Meditation?Whatever practice you do is only relevant in the sense that it should create some benefit. So you should be alert to the effects of the practice. If you have been doing a particular practice for many years and don’t see positive results in your life, then you should question whether that is the appropriate practice for you given the particular time and circumstance. Some of the results you may start to notice are a sense of greater clarity, acceptance, adaptability and compassion.
The Dalai Lama notes:
“When we take medicine, it is not the taste, color, or quantity of the medicine that matters; the important thing is the beneficial effect on our body. If in spite of having taken a certain medicine for a long time we see no effect, there is no point in continuing to take it. Regardless of whether your practice is elaborate or short, above all, it should be effective in bringing about some kind of a transformation, a change for the better, within you.”
What is Mindfulness Meditation?Mindfulness meditation is a technique of training the mind to stay in the present. Often it is presented in a Buddhist context, but mindfulness goes beyond religious training. It doesn’t matter if you subscribe to Buddhist belief, or Hindu belief, Christian belief, or no belief: we all have wisdom deep within that is hidden by our obscured view of reality. By developing a disciplined meditation practice we develop the tools to clarify our circumstances and uncover our bright shining light.
Why Meditate?Practice helps you to cultivate awareness – not just on your cushion, but in every moment of your life. Sometimes I hear modern meditation teachers make promises about meditation practice. They may say things like, “you will feel better, your bad habits will go away, your relationships will change as a result of practice.” This is possible. It is, however, entirely possible to use practice in the service of ego. With unclear intent, wrong understanding or lack of awareness, you can use anything, even spiritual practice, to reinforce ego. If awareness is not translating into your life (as kindness), then your practice is misguided. In that case, you should look again at what you are doing, or rather how you are doing it.
Here is a great resource: a short guided meditation on Susan Piver's blog where she offers some rich insights about mindfulness and love.
How A Mindfulness Meditation Practice Might LookMindfulness meditation practice provides a technique to watch your responses (or reactions) to failure, success, ambition, hopes, fears, and disappointments. You start to see how you respond to the rules suddenly being changed, or to rules, period. Meditation practice is a tool to help you look into the core of your experience to observe how you interact with the world.
The benefits of meditation continue to evolve as you deepen your practice. It takes time to unravel the habitual patters we learn growing up, so it takes time to unlearn them.
Until you recognize your little thingy – that habitual pattern, whether physical, emotional or mental, that obstructs your complete openness and acceptance – then you won’t be able to release it. And if you can’t let go of your thingy, then it will rule you. You will carry it around your whole life, like dead skin you refuse to shed. The point is that the practice itself is not “It.” There is no prize for having an “advanced” practice, especially if you are using the practice to boost ego. Practice is the tool, it is not the result that you are seeking.
So you should check in with your practice periodically to see: Is the practice working? Are you increasing wisdom and compassion, lessening self-centeredness and attachment? If you listen, practice will show you how to live more fully and compassionately with awareness in the present moment. Then it is possible to live fully and fearlessly in the here and now, with all of its inconvenient and beautiful truths.
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Do you know how to relax when stress overwhelms you? I'm betting that even if you do know, since you are reading this, it probably goes right out the window when the s**t hits the fan. Here's one major perspective shift that always helps me remember how to relax. Ready?
Give Yourself A Break.I know, it's revolutionary. But so often when I feel overwhelming stress, it's because I am putting pressure on myself. There are only so many hours in a day and only so much I can do. I am not in charge of the universe, and if things go haywire I am not always able to ensure outcomes.
What I am able to control? My attitude. And so are you.
When stress overwhelms you, ask yourself these questions:1. Is it life threatening?Sometimes the best way to shift your perspective is to take a giant step back. Are you stressing out over something that is not that important in the long run? If it is life-threatening, what are the steps you can take to work constructively with the situation.
There is a quote I love by Shantideva:
Why be unhappy about something if it can be remedied? And what is the use of being unhappy about something if it cannot be remedied?
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Is is permanent, or is there something you can change?This is sort of a rhetorical question, because everything is impermanent. Some things take longer--perhaps lifetimes--to change. But if we can telescope our perspective out to the most vast view, things can often seem less burdensome.
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It is real?Is there really a problem? Or are you creating stress by imagining a result that may or may not happen? Anxiety is a product of this latter way of thinking.
Is it truly a problem if your undesired result comes to fruition? Sometimes we need crises in our lives to force change that might not otherwise occur. Are you resisting a pathway that naturally aligns with your best interests?
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What are your choices?Often the simple act of identifying choices can release the sense of inevitability. Because we always have choices. They might not be our first choices. It might be a question of choosing between the lesser of two evils. But knowing we have a choice is empowering.
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Does it ultimately affect your happiness?Your state of mind is unrelated to external events. I know it may not always feel this way. But you have the choice about whether or not to get swayed into emotional reactivity or not. Our mind is like the sky, and events (thoughts, emotions, ideas) that arise in the mind are like clouds. The sky is always clear, spacious and accommodating, even if it happens to be covered over by thick clouds. When you can learn to ally with the sky behind the clouds, you begin to experience each cloud as a temporary event. The stress we often feel over life's events usually dissipates just as easily as a cloud in a deep blue sky.
Over to you: share your tips on how to relax! Share your insights in the comments below.You've heard my thoughts on how to relax, this is something that almost all of us confront on a daily basis. Technology overload can push your stress levels to the max. I struggle with this almost daily! How do we integrate the benefits of global connectivity without losing ourselves in the noise? How do you cope?
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There's been a fair amount in the news recently about how mindfulness practice can help what we call mental health issues. What is mental health if not a spiritual healing? The spiritual path according to the Buddhist view is essentially observing and then training the mind to rest undistracted in the present experience. It's about releasing whatever it is that distracts us from the present moment. If we consider that emotions are what usually distract us, isn't it safe to say that the spiritual path is intimately related to mental health?
What is the difference between the spiritual path and healing our emotional wounds?When you practice a contemplative discipline such as ashtanga yoga or sitting meditation, you train the mind to rest undistracted instead of getting caught up in the story of your emotional world. But comprehending it intellectually doesn’t necessarily translate into emotional understanding or direct experience. It is entirely possible to release attachment to difficult mental states without addressing the underlying causes. This is known in certain circles as "spiritual bypassing." We can convince ourselves that everything is perfectly fine, by ignoring our neurotic or destructive habits.
The identity that we unconsciously create - and recreate moment by moment - is based on past experience. We tell ourselves a story about who we are, and then because we believe it, the phenomenal world responds with proof to support our view. We so firmly believe in this identity, it becomes the driving force of our life, causing us to re-enact familiar stories over and over. Sitting on your meditation cushion or getting on your yoga mat each day provides an opportunity to observe this process, and start to decipher the storyline.
The choice is to stop believing everything we tell ourselves and look directly at what is. When we see how our misperception has led us astray, then automatically we see another possibility.
What is mental health?We might say that mental health is the ability to adapt to new situations; to show up authentically and fully. We know when someone feels especially 'sane' by how grounded they are in the midst of chaos and confusion. A strong sense of mental health is unflappable. We can rely on someone to be steady when they are mentally sound.
What is mental health? Aspects of mental health include:• emotional balance • wellbeing • adaptability
Could we say that mental health is being fully aware, awake and balanced in the present moment?What is spiritual healing?We might say that the spiritual path is the process of healing our disconnect with the whole, with our inner wisdom, with our intuition, and with our compassion. Through following a spiritual teaching, we learn to identify our place in the universe. We see how our lives reflect of our particular styles of ignorance and suffering. We learn to be kind to those aspects of ourselves and others.
What is spiritual healing? Aspects of the spiritual path include:
- awareness
- wisdom
- compassion
Could we say that the spiritual path is being fully aware, awake and balanced in the present moment?Are mental health and the spiritual path the same?On the first meditation retreat I ever did, there was a young man who, after a couple of days of sitting still on his cushion, um, lost it. He started acting in a way that was disturbing to the group and frankly, bizarre. The retreat leaders asked him to leave. He was acting crazy.
So, they are not necessarily the same. One can embark on a spiritual path and be imbalanced mentally.
I also know people who are mentally clear, stable, grounded in the present, yet who are totally self-centered and have no idea what it means to help out a fellow human. So one can be "mentally healthy" and spiritually stuck.
But are they really different?Couldn't we say that mental health is about healing our disconnect with our inner wisdom, with our intuition, and with our emotional balance?
And couldn't we say that the spiritual path is about learning to adapt to new situations without undue stress; to look at things clearly; show up authentically and fully?
So if we take one path to its end, wouldn't we naturally heal the full spectrum?
So what is the difference between mental health and the spiritual path?Both are ultimately about healing the illusion of being disconnected. I'd say mental health is about reconnecting to self, whereas spiritual path is connecting that self to something larger.
Essentially, what is mental health if not simply learning to clean up our own act? Spiritual healing is then understanding the relationship between "our own act" the the rest of the world. It's learning to see that whatever we do to help ourselves will inevitably help others, and vice versa. Psychological healing is necessary to get to ground zero - to a healthy sense of self. But then, once we've established that ground, then the rest of the journey is what we call spiritual path. It's recognizing that the self with a small "s" is not all there is.
Ultimately both mental health and spiritual healing are about learning to be authentically present and kind. They both recognize the importance of acknowledging that we are intimately inter-connected with each other.
Once we can see this, then we have a choice about whether to believe the story we tell ourselves, or to re-create our reality by showing up each moment without expectations, ready to be there for whatever arises.
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How do you find your calling in life? What does it even mean to consider the purpose of life? I became fascinated with this question years ago after hearing a lecture by Eckhart Tolle where he shares his answer .
What is the purpose of life?This a two-fold question: there’s your ultimate life’s purpose, and your relative life’s purpose, or calling.
Here are some examples of an ultimate life's purpose:* live in the moment * be fully authentic * be happy and to share happiness with others * love and be loved * practice compassion * live from a place of truth
What is the purpose of life? Pema Chodron has an excellent way of talking about your ultimate life's purpose. From an ultimate perspective, the answer to that question is: to be here, now.
What does it mean to be here, now?Training yourself to be present means checking in with yourself--body, speech and mind--on a daily basis. It is helpful to have a formal practice--such as ashtanga yoga or sitting meditation-- to do this. When you train yourself to be present, you learn to ally with the sane aspects of your being, and to give space to challenging aspects. Presence allows you to graciously accommodate all that arises, rather than getting distracted by nonsense or carried away by destructive thoughts that might derail you from your life’s purpose.
How's that?Well, just imagine that you have a gift --and a love--for training horses, but you were raised in a family that only valued academia as a career choice. You might grow up feeling that working with horses was not a valid option and develop a whole self-defeating internal dialogue to prevent yourself from ever exploring this path.
When you are able to rest undistracted in the present moment--even for just a moment-- this self-defeating dialogue doesn't get a voice. Tuning in to body, speech and mind brings you into the immediate circumstances, where the loudest voice is that of your heart-- your inner wisdom. So you might give in to the urge to walk down to the stables and see the horses, which may lead to a chance encounter...which may lead to...who knows?
But it takes practice to develop your ear for this voice of inner wisdom. It is different than simply creating an agenda and going through the motions of fulfilling tasks that will get you there. There's a sense of following the wisdom, rather than trying to take the lead. For us bossy types, this can be challenging!
How do you live your ultimate life's purpose?The short answer to that question is to develop a mindfulness practice. By aligning body, breath and mind with the call of your heart, you practice being in the present moment, without agenda. When you practice like this, your relative life’s purpose will reveal itself without you having to do anything.
I can't tell you how many times I've experienced this. Frequently, I've been at a crossroads, unsure which direction to take in life, and so rather than make an uninformed choice, I schedule a meditation retreat. I sit and wait for clarity. Inevitably, some new door opens: I get an email out of the blue, I have an auspicious encounter or a new insight suddenly illuminates how I need to proceed.
The work is in training yourself to be present, through developing some type of mindfulness practice. You learn to listen, then hear, and then follow the voice of your inner guidance.
Here’s the trick: when you live your ultimate purpose (of being present) your calling, or your relative life's purpose unfolds before you.
What is the relative purpose of your life?Here are some examples of a relative life's purpose:* serve others through teaching yoga * raise a healthy family * contribute to world peace by engaging in social activism * save the giraffes (or train horses) * inspire through sharing artistic talents * entertain and uplift by being a world-class athlete * be a connector in your community * remain steady and reliable as a voice of wisdom for others
A relative purpose evolves, and is often unrecognizable until after the fact. I often think we get this completely wrong in western culture, where we ask high school graduates to decide "what they want to be" by choosing a university major during their first year. How can anyone under 20 know their relative life's purpose? How can anyone over 20 know, for that matter, when the entire landscape of our society changes so quickly? Professions that used to be rock-solid reliables get retired and replaced by technological innovation. New "professions" reveal themselves daily as we respond to new needs. Just look at the music industry. (One of the saddest days of my life was when Soul Train went off the air. I believe my true calling was to be a Soul Train dancer.)
Oh well. Sometimes we miss. But that's OK too.
The purpose of your life evolves as your experience takes shape. The way to keep in touch with this evolution is to practice the ultimate purpose of life, which is to keep coming back to the present moment with awareness.
Here's a checklist to help you find your calling: Set an intention to be present. Carve out space in your day to do nothing but observe. * Connect with the body. Engage in a daily practice of physical awareness or movement. * Tune in to the breath. Make a habit of checking in with your breath. Settle the breath into a smooth rhythm. * Rest in the nature of mind without distraction. Learn to focus the mind and train your awareness through meditation practice. * Listen to what your heart tells you. Once you are able to be authentically present with body, breath and mind, you’ll start to hear what your heart is saying. * Move with your heart’s instructions.* Take one small step in the direction your heart calls you to go.
These practices, when engaged with intention, will help you to clarify what is important to you in life. After all, this is the purpose of life: whatever you decide is important to you! You might see the steps you need to take to start living with more joy, more love and acceptance. Once you find your calling, there may still be suffering--this does not mean you are doing it wrong. But finding your calling means, above all, living in alignment with both The truth and Your truth.
How do you find your calling? Go through the short checklist above, then do a 15 minute free-write and see what you come up with.Did you find this post useful? Then please share with your friends using the buttons below. Or leave a comment below!
Learning to maintain a meditation practice takes dedication. I remember the moment when the process clicked. I was rushing out the door to go teach an early morning yoga class, feeling frazzled and late. It was mid-winter in Paris and I had overslept. I was about to walk out the door without doing any practice whatsoever--I did my yoga practice in the afternoons--and I stopped myself.
"What are you doing?" I said to self. "You are a teacher of contemplative practice, so go sit down and follow your breath before you teach a class. Do it now."
And I did. I sat for 1 minute and watched my breath settle down just a bit. I walked out the door in a new state of mind, confident that I had access to the state of mind I was about to go teach. That was nearly 20 years ago and I have almost never missed a day since. Even if I am rushing to an early morning flight, I at least follow my breath in the taxi on the way to the airport. The thought of missing my morning meditation is like forgetting to brush my teeth--I would feel gross and vaguely anti-social for the rest of the day.
But it hasn't always been easy to become a daily meditator. At times, we all need a bit of support.
Support: Group Meditation PracticeIt is enormously helpful to have a practice community of fellow practitioners, called sangha.
The beauty of meditating with a community is that the group energy serves as motivation to get on your cushion. This can be a weekly--or daily--group practice at a local community center. It could be a retreat where you go totally off-grid for a week or 12. Or it could be a program with a meditation teacher, weaving in sessions of meditation with teachings about the view of practice.
Group practice is incredibly powerful to help you get--or re-establish--your balance. It's a great way to develop and maintain a meditation practice at the beginning. I think it's important to schedule sitting with a group on a regular basis, just to make sure we are keeping it real.
Freedom: Individual Meditation PracticeWhen you are meditating by yourself, you get direct access without any distractions. It can be incredibly empowering to develop the personal discipline to keep your mind focused without anyone telling you how to do it. You get to discover your own mind. You are the only one who will ever really know your own mind.
It may be messy at times and you may wonder if you are doing it right. You may struggle at times to actually do the practice. But in my experience, the only way to gain true confidence in your meditation practice is to muddle through it using your own GPS system. This is what will strengthen your dedication and help you maintain a daily meditation practice. For this you have to allow for the possibility that--at times--you might get it "wrong". You might spend a full hour fantasizing about lunch. You may misunderstand the instructions you received and treat thoughts like they are the enemy. It's OK. This is why it's called practice. We practice being present with ourselves, fully and authentically.
I think the sign of a truly dedicated practitioner is that self-guided practice is as strong (or possibly stronger) than practice done with the support of a group. Tibetan yogis head off to their caves for decades at a time to experience this isolation. Perhaps there is something to be gained by learning how to develop and maintain a meditation practice on your own.
Whether you want the support of group practice, or feel ready to establish your own self-directed home practice, it helps to have some guidance. If you are just starting to meditate, click here for an introduction to the practice.
Here are a few tricks I've learned to develop and maintain a meditation practice:1. Schedule it.Something written on a schedule takes on a bit more importance and the mind tends to remember to do it. Even if you miss a session, or a day, if it is noted as a regular feature of your daily schedule, chances are you'll pay more attention to it.
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Identify Support. It's so helpful to have someone to talk to about meditation practice. It's even more helpful to have someone to do it with. If possible, find a "practice buddy" and sit together on a regular basis. Or if you live far apart, commit to a certain schedule and check in with each other to hold each other accountable. Talk with a guide who can steer you right when you go off course, or better yet, find a teacher you can study with.
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Keep Learning.Read books, attend programs with authentic teachers, participate in retreats. Developing a meditation practice is never-ending. Unless you are Shakyamuni Buddha, there is always another layer of subtlety to discover. Maintaining a meditation practice means doing the practice, whether or not you see signs of progress. Practice evolves despite our egoic commentary about that evolution. Just keep going. Study helps you refine your technique and your awareness. Practice and study are equally important.
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Forgive Lapses.Things happen. Sometimes you can't make it to the cushion, and well, as they say in Bhutan, "What to do?" The only way to move beyond a situation is to accept where you are. If you fight, you'll only prolong your misery, and the whole point of the meditation practice is to develop a sane and friendly relationship with your mind in order to transcend suffering. Let go and allow the process to unfold.
Learning to develop and maintain a meditation practice is a life-long journey.From this perspective, there is no end-goal. Ego doesn't like that situation very much. Ego wants progress and signs of success. But if you train the mind to be present at all stages of the journey, your whole life becomes a pilgrimage. The way to start integrating this awareness into your life is to simply get on your cushion each day and watch what arises, without judgment. That's called the path of meditation.
Want to try your own self-guided meditation retreat at home? Click here for your free At-Home Retreat Guide.If you found this article useful, please share with your friends using the share buttons below!
I learned the inner form of Ashtanga Vinyasa Yoga from Richard Freeman during my first yoga class in 1992. We learned about ujayi pranayama, bandas and dristi from day one. I recently had the opportunity to study with him again in Thailand, where he and his wife, Mary Taylor, lead a yearly two-week retreat. If you listen to current opinion, you might have preconceived ideas about Ashtanga Vinyasa Yoga. You would be forgiven for thinking that Ashtanga is a series of difficult postures designed to get you fit and slim. According to the Yoga Sutra, yoga is citta vritti nirodha; cessation of the fluctuations of the mind. In other words, yoga is a practice of settling the mind.
So what about all these fancy postures that we practice in Ashtanga Vinyasa Yoga? What is the point of jumping around on a rubber mat wearing lycra? And how will that help you settle the mind?
I'm glad you asked.
The foundation of Ashtanga Vinyasa Yoga comes down to 3 essential components--ujayi pranayama, bandha + dristi. The series of postures are just an excuse, if you will, to practice these key techniques. The postures provide the context within which the actual practice takes place. The intense practice of Ashtanga Vinyasa Yoga helps create the inner environment that enables the mind to settle into a state of relaxed alertness. The inner forms train the practitioner to tolerate increasingly complicated situations (postures) while maintaining this relaxed state of mind.
The Inner Form Of Ashtanga Vinyasa Yoga: 3 Essential ComponentsUjayi Pranayama: The Victorious BreathAshtanga Vinyasa Yoga is the only form of yoga I know that incorporates pranayama into the asana practice. This is why I fell in love with this method. Ujayi pranayama is a powerful technique of extending the breath while slightly squeezing the vocal chords to create a soft whispering sound. Those with more poetic tendencies compare the sound to wind rustling through the trees. Film buffs might remember Darth Vader's deep breathing.
Ujayi pranayama slows down and evens out the breath so that inhale and exhale begin to smooth out in to one long cycle of breathing. The transitions between each breath are just as important as each inhale and exhale. Paying such close attention to the details of breathing, the mind naturally settles into an even rhythm that induces a state of deep relaxation.
You can do this practice as long as you are still breathing. You might not be able to touch your knees or even get up off the couch. But if you can breathe, you can practice ujayi pranayama.
Bandha: Grounding The EnergiesBandhas are often translated from the Sansrkit as “locks.” This is a horrible translation. I think of this translation as the locks on a canal that facilitate the movement of ships on an uneven waterway.
Bandhas are inner mudras - ways of toning the inner musculature in such a way that the energies of the body have a reference point. The bandhas help regulate the flow of breath so that it can be extended using the ujayi pranayama.
There are 3 bandhas that we work with in the inner form of Ashtanga vinyasa yoga: mula bandha, uddiyana bandha, and jalandhara bandha, though this last one is less commonly practiced, as it is difficult to get right at the beginning.
The 3 Bhandhas:Mula bandha is the quintessential inner form of Ashtanga Vinyasa Yoga. This elusive feature of the practice provides an incredibly strong foundation from which the intense postures of the more advanced series develop. The technique is this: from a relaxed pelvis, the center point between genitals and anus recedes into the core of the body through a combination of relaxation and gentle lifting. It's a mysterious event, corresponding with a deep relaxation of the muscles in the face and an energetic connection with the entire structure of the body. Mula bandha is what enables such difficult postures to be done with apparent ease.
Uddiyana bandha is achieved by a firm scooping back of the lower abdominal muscles--about 4 finger-widths below the navel-- toward the back of the body. The trick is to tone this area of the lowest belly without engaging the actual belly muscles, which stay soft. This tone has the effect of encouraging mula bandha-- the 2 are often difficult to separate. If you find one, there's a good chance you'll discover the other.
Jalandhara bandha helps create openness in the chest and lungs in order to go deeper into the pranayama practice. The technique is to rest the chin in the notch between the 2 clavicle bones while keeping the shoulders wide and the heart open. A trick to help while learning this difficult mudra is to place a rolled up towel between chin and chest to help alleviate strain in the neck. The chin will not go down as far, but you'll start to get a sense of the correct position of the head. You can tell you have it if the breath flows without strain.
Bandhas encourage us to maintain awareness throughout the day. Our inner alignment becomes the ground from which we initiate movement.
Dristi: Gazing WithinIn Ashtanga Vinyasa Yoga, we pay attention to maintaining a soft, focused gaze. Each posture has a suggested gazing point, that may change according to the ability of the student. The eyes are connected to the spine so the quality of the posture shifts slightly according to the direction of the gaze. Dristi can help to either deepen or soften the intensity of the various postures, depending on what is needed for your particular situation.
The practice of dristi is simply to maintain our focus of both inner and outer awareness simultaneously. We seek open awareness, while keeping our inner focus. Dristi allows us to settle into a state of meditation by helping us release distractions.
I think of this practice both practically and metaphorically--as a practical application of the correct view of yoga.
How The Inner Form Of Ashtanga Vinyasa Yoga Can HelpLast year an invasive surgery forced me to completely stop my yoga practice while I learned to walk again. So I wondered, is my yoga practice dependent upon my body performing physical postures?
I was forced to return to a renewed inquiry into these internal practices. I have been learning to heal and rediscover my practice using these inner forms as the basis of my inquiry. By focusing on the inner form of Ashtanga Vinyasa Yoga, I've started the healing process. I've rediscovered the thread of practice, even if I still can't do the fancy postures I used to. At 52, that's just fine with me.
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Learning how to manage anxiety may well be one of the most important skills of the 21st century. But, despite what some may say, you can learn how to manage anxiety. Is it any wonder that anxiety and panic disorders are on the rise? Technology almost dictates that we live in a "need it yesterday" mindset, interrupted by instant messaging, late for our next appointment, struggling to clear out cluttered inboxes, figure out how to send our files, and generally keep up with a world speeding forward on information overload.
That’s why it is more important than ever to learn to relax! By learning to rest and quiet the mind, you have choices about how and where to focus your attention.
You can learn how to manage anxiety by making a simple shift in your mindset.Take a step back and recognize the larger view. The trick is to learn to ally with the spaciousness of the present moment instead of getting caught up in the stream of busy-ness.
When I notice my stress levels heading into the red zone, I have a few tricks to help bring me back to earth--my tools to manage anxiety and stress. Try them yourself:
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BreatheMake a habit of checking in with your breath. Notice your breath when you are on the computer, or talking to a client, or driving to an appointment. Get to know what it is that stresses you out, and then bring mindfulness-and conscious breathing-- to that activity. If you need a practice, try this: lie down with your hands on your belly and breath so that your hands move with your breath. Count 10-20 slow, deep and even breaths. Try to make your inhale the same duration as your exhale. Notice the ends of the breath as you transition from inhale to exhale, and from exhale to inhale.
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Check your environmentThis may sound obvious, but is your environment contributing to overwhelm? When I lived in Hong Kong a few years ago, I was breathing in so much pollution that it was a challenge to get enough oxygen to my brain. I had trouble sleeping because of the constants buzz of neon and the all-day-long interaction with technology. Eventually I had to admit that the environment was causing me more stress than I could handle. Get outdoors regularly and feel the healing power of nature.
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Settle the mind and learn to dis-identify with thoughtsFrom a yogic perspective, anxiety is a disturbance of the “winds,” the subtle energy channels in the body. Think of a jar filled with sediment when it is shaken: the sediment swirls around clouding the water. A calm and grounded state of mind is characterized by clarity. The practice of sitting meditation is the most direct way to achieve this settled state of mind. When you ally with the spaciousness of the mind instead of the contents of the mind (thoughts) you automatically shift your perspective. Click here for a free audio-guided introduction to sitting meditation.
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NourishNo matter how many times I’ve done it, when I’m about to fly overseas, I get anxious. I keep a supply of calming herbs for stressful situations. Kava kava, valerian, chamomile tea, passionflower, lavender, hops, and lemon balm are all great aids to inducing calm. It’s not a permanent fix, but it helps in the short term.
Don’t underestimate the power of eating well and getting enough sleep. Eliminate or reduce all stimulants (coffee, tea, chocolate, garlic, excess sugar, alcohol) from lunchtime onward and notice the effects.
Nourishment also comes in the form of supportive relationships. Set aside down time with close friends, or consider talking to a counselor if you need more intensive emotional support. Suffering alone increases the impact of anxiety. Sharing your feelings with others can lift a huge burden, and also help you recognize that you are not alone – everyone struggles with issues from time to time.
Even if you already practice yoga or meditation, working with a therapist helps address issues from a practical perspective so that you can let them go. Practitioners often believe mindfulness will sort out their emotional issues, but in fact the opposite is often the case. Deep practice may stir up old issues, and unless there is a container for these unruly emotions, it can be tempting to “let go” of old issues before they are resolved, which creates a muddy stew in the mind. Anxiety can be a sign there is something trying to come to the surface to be worked with.
- Organize and schedule in down timeIt’s so easy to get caught up in the communications technology that is available these days so that we never actually take a break from being “on.”
Not everything has to happen NOW. Batch tasks and do them together so that you're not running all over the place, scattered, unfocused, wasting your energy. Set parameters on certain activities so they don't consume you.
I try to go offline completely at least one full day a week, and limit computer use to certain times, and NEVER before breakfast! That’s just my own thing; mornings are sacred to me. By limiting computer use until after my practice helps me check in with my inspiration to start the day.
Try scheduling monthly or even weekly mini-holidays to refresh and get back to your original nature. Spend the afternoon at your favorite park-- or go on an Artist Date, as described by Julia Cameron.
- RestWhen the going gets rough, the tough take viparita karani (lying on the floor, bum against the wall, with legs up the wall.) This is my all-time favorite yoga posture, and my quick-fix remedy for just about everything from jet-lag to overwhelm, from exhaustion to anxiety. It’s the best way I know how to relax quickly and deeply. Follow it with child’s pose for a nurturing restart to your afternoon or evening.
Yoga Posture to Manage Anxiety | KimRoberts.Co
Panic and anxiety are not purely mental events--they are physiological events, so they can't be treated with the thinking mind only. You can to learn to BREATHE deeply, and train yourself to come back to the breath on a regular basis. Mind and breath are intimately connected. If you can calm your breath, your nervous system will start to settle down, and your mind will follow.
If you want extra help learning how to manage anxiety, sign up for my free mini-course to learn tools to work with anxiety.
Of all the skills we learn in life, perhaps the most important one is to develop loving kindness. If you have ever succumbed to bouts of self-doubt, then you know what I mean. Often, we are not very kind or loving toward ourselves at all.
What Is Loving Kindness?Loving kindness is the simple aspiration to be happy. This includes wishing for our own happiness, as well as the happiness of all sentient beings. But it's more than a wish - it is the confidence that we can actually be happy - that we deserve to be happy - and it involves an active participation in that process. And it is more than temporary happiness we seek. True happiness is not dependent on outer circumstances; it comes from within. We must learn to recognize true happiness before we can aspire to it. This recognition of what makes us happy is called developing loving kindness. When we can extend loving kindness to our selves, then we can extend it to others.
What Inhibits Loving Kindness?Essentially, whenever we judge or compare ourselves to others, we inhibit loving kindness. Pressure to fit in, or look a certain way, or accomplish goals can make us feel like we fall short. Often, that pressure is our own state of mind responding to the "outside" world. Our family, our work environment, our friends, and our culture all influence us, whether consciously or unconsciously, to behave in certain ways. When we deviate from the established norm, we may punish ourselves harshly for not measuring up.
It's so easy to get caught up in all the influences in the world these days and feel like we must try to fit in. We have access to news now 24/7. All this noise can wreak havoc on our state of mind. It induces fear, anger, hope, insecurity, jealousy, comparison, competition, judgement. Getting caught up in the background noise of the world culture takes us out of the present moment. It takes heroic discipline to avoid getting hooked.
How Do We Avoid Getting Hooked?By developing loving kindness. Recognizing that you are whole and complete just as you are, right here and right now. Make a habit - a practice - of returning to awareness in the present moment without elaboration. In short, we avoid getting hooked by practicing meditation. (And it wouldn't hurt to schedule periods of internet abstinence!)
Sometimes it seems easier to be kind to others than it is to be kind to ourselves. If this is true for you, try looking at yourself through the eyes of someone who loves you, and see what they see. When you can give yourself a break for not being perfect, you are on your way to developing loving kindness.
Four ImmeasurablesIn both the Hindu and Buddhist traditions, there is a practice called the 4 Immeasurables (Brahma vihara) to work with developing loving kindness (maitri), compassion (karuna), empathetic joy (mudita) and equanimity (upeksa.) Each of these qualities counteracts negative emotions that conspire to make us suffer from hatred, passion, jealousy and arrogance. In the next few weeks I'm going to share a simple practice to invite each of these 4 immeasurable wisdoms into our lives.
How Do You Develop Loving Kindness?Essentially, the way to develop loving kindness is to give space to situations and accept things exactly as they are, flaws and all. When you notice that you are being hard on yourself, take a mental step back and let the situation or circumstances breathe. You don't have to immediately rush to fix a problem, or react to a strong emotion. Giving things space allows for new perspectives to arise. When you are able to give space, you invite the possibility of acceptance, which is the ultimate act of love. Then you realize that your happiness is not dependent on outside circumstances. That experience is pure freedom.
A Practice To Develop Loving Kindness.Years ago while on retreat I learned a wonderful mantra that helps remind me to return to loving kindness when I start getting hard on myself. I offer it here in case it might help you remember that you are perfect just as you are, and exactly where you are meant to be:
May I be happy, May I be well, May I let go of the past.
You can also make this aspiration for others:
May you be happy, May you be well, May you let go of the past.
Try reciting this while sitting in traffic, or waiting in line at the pharmacy. Watch how your attitude shifts when you keep loving kindness in your heart as you go about your day. You will be amazed at the difference it can make.
If you find this simple practice helpful, offer loving kindness to a friend by sharing this post with them!
Working with difficult emotions is probably the one skill that will determine your happiness in life. It is so important to acknowledge our deep wounds and learn skills for working with difficult emotions if we want to move on from them. I've spent many years learning tools and practices to work with the emotional fallout of my parent's divorce when I was a child. Those tools saved me - helped me come to terms with the pain and confusion of difficult emotions.
The thing about emotions is that they are just a set of sensations. When you can experience intense emotion as simply bodily sensation, you can move it through the body to release it. So the most important practice you can do to work with difficult emotions is to learn to read--and tolerate--them in the body.
Staying with the sensations is challenging, but imperative as the first step to being able to work with difficult emotions.We store unresolved emotions in the body. These emotional memories keep re-enacting themselves as stories in our lives. These stories repeat themselves until we finally work through emotional residue. We essentially invite habitual scenarios into our life again and again until we learn our lesson. It can be incredibly humbling, and sometimes embarrassing.
We are all given a set of unique circumstances to work with in this life. The task: to remain steadfast on the journey and keep your heart open, to others and (maybe hardest of all for some of us) to yourself.
Change Your StoryWe are creating the story of our life as we live it. What is the story you tell yourself? If you change your story, your life will reflect the new story.
You may work hard to achieve noteworthy things, lead an interesting life, accomplish lots and be a good girl (or boy.) It's human nature to look for a functional fix that feeds you with worldly prizes. It can work in the short term and on the surface. But no matter how much we cover over core wounds, the deeper scar is always there, ready to burst open again with the perfectly aimed jab. A cutting remark, and angry tone, the wrong look, delivered at a vulnerable moment can set us off, and we may have no idea why.
What worked for me was learning to get in touch with my emotions by developing a daily practice of meditation, yoga and creative expression. Identifying difficult emotions as they arise give you the power when working with difficult emotions, instead of being "worked on" by them.
Once you are able to see clearly what is going on in an emotional moment, you put a bit of distance between you and the emotion. It's like being able to watch a rip-tide: if you are far away enough from it to identify it, there is not much chance of getting swept away in its deadly pull. The simple act of seeing it protects you from the danger of getting lost in it.
Working With Emotions Is A Lifelong JourneyEven though these tools do work to lessen the damage done by those triggers--I am living proof to those who have known me throughout this journey-- there are deep reservoirs of residue. I am still occasionally catapulted back into those depths, left to thrash about in a murky dark despair. It’s not that yoga and meditation practice will make life less intense. On the contrary, they might even make things more intense, but they also teach you how to tune your system so that it is more capable of tolerating the voltage of this intensity.
Here’s another thing. No matter how skilled I get in managing these difficult/painful emotions, (the turnaround time these days is measured in hours, rather than months or years) they never stop being painful. Pain is part of life. You can’t avoid it. What you can avoid is the layering of suffering you add on top. Sort of like adding insult to injury—you can skip the insult part.
Next time your inner demon--anxiety or depression for example-- rears its ugly head, try this emergency repair kit to gently guide yourself back from the abyss.
Emergency Tool Kit for Working with Difficult Emotions:1. Stop everything. Don’t act. Sit with it and see if it can be tolerated.
2. Breathe and connect to your body. Walk in the woods if possible. Get on your yoga mat.
3. Express yourself –writing is what works for me. Just purge on the page and get it all out. No one has to read it, so be as immature and whiny--or as mean and embittered--as you want. If you are lucky enough to have a good and trustworthy friend to do this with, go for it.
4. Connect—call close friends, even if you don’t necessarily talk about what’s going on. Spend time with your community. Sometimes just being with others can shift the energy.
5. Take care of your body and mind. Be kind to yourself. Tend to your physical body and environment. Eat good food. Take a bath. If you have to go somewhere to feel more protected and nurtured for a while, do it. A retreat in nature can do wonders to shift a state of mind.
6. Know your limits, and when to ask for help. We all need help from time to time, and a professional coach or counselor can often show us things we may miss. Click here to learn how counseling can help.
Working with difficult emotions is a life-long journey. Developing the skills to manage the storms as they arise is the key to emotional balance and stability.
Need help working through your own emotional storm? Check out this free tool to help you work with anxiety.
A creative outlet lets you switch gears into a state of mind where goals are not linear. I grew up with the unfortunate mis-understanding that said creative activities were for kids, and not a productive use of time. At a certain point I realized that one thing that allows my mind to completely go quiet is painting. Yet it still has taken me years to recognize that I could actually cultivate this habit of accessing creativity.
Why You Need A Creative OutletFirst retreat I ever did, the retreat leader suggested that we all find a simple activity we could do every day. She chose to play solitaire. I did my yoga. Another woman walked on her stair master. Someone else took a walk on the same path each day. The point was to provide a structure from which to view the mind from the same perspective each day. The activity was the same, so the nuances of the mind revealed themselves. Creativity thrives in this environment.
Your Mind Needs RestJust like the body needs sleep in order to function optimally, the mind also needs rest. Mobile phones, social media and internet have virtually blocked easy access to this vital necessity.
White space or down time allows the thinking mind to take rest so that new neural connections can be made and new ideas formed. I can't tell you how many problems I've solved by holding a paint brush or pen. The simple act of letting go of the grip of conceptual mind seems to magically release a flood of insights. It's possible to train the mind to do this through meditation practice, but I find that keeping my hands busy making art can also achieve the same result.
Creativity Breeds InspirationWe are creative beings. As technology reaches into the farthest reaches of civilization, we are becoming a planet of consumers. The opposite of consumer is a producer: someone who creates. Having a creative outlet is somewhat subversive. It's a message to the universe that you think for yourself rather than blindly accepting what is put before you.
Though I've played around making art my entire life, I've recently committed to painting on a daily basis. And it's fun to create art! Or write. Or dance or draw. But you have to get out of your own way.
What are you creating right now?I have a challenge for you. Because creating can be a solitary endeavor, I'd like to invite you to share your creative acts and commit to 30 days of practicing whatever your form is -- whether it is painting, doodling on cardboard boxes, pressing flowers, woodworking, photography, writing poems, sewing puppets, baking cupcakes, making soup, carving pumpkins...use your imagination! If you want to get extra creative juices flowing, incorporate it into a home-retreat. To get started, download your free guide here.
Sitting meditation is a simple and effective tool to settle the mind in a state of spaciousness. While it is simple, it is not necessarily easy. So I've created a simple introduction to sitting meditation + guided meditation, that is yours for free below. This is an excerpt from my practice book, Ashtanga Yoga For Beginner's Mind.
Why Practice Sitting Meditation?Sitting meditation is a basic technique of taming and training the mind. The kind of meditation I share is called shamatha meditation, from the Tibetan Buddhist tradition.
A Simple Introduction to Sitting Meditation | KimRoberts.Co
Shamatha in Sanskrit means peace. With experience, this practice will show you how to make peace with your mind. That doesn’t mean that you will always be peaceful. But you will discover how to cultivate this quality, and eventually to let it permeate your daily life more and more.
I recommend setting aside a separate time and space for the formal practice of sitting meditation. Early morning, evening around sunset, and just before bed are auspicious times. More important than how long you sit is how regularly. It is better to sit every day for five minutes than once a week for an hour. Even better is to sit every day for an hour. Regularity reinforces your commitment to yourself. It sends a message (that we may not even hear consciously at first) that you are serious about practice. This can have profound effects on your life.
Ashtanga Yoga Practice and Sitting MeditationWhen you are learning a new practice, it is very important to stick to the traditional instructions. Later, when you have some experience, you can improvise a bit. But like any good musician, technique is required before you have the skill to play your heart out. Even though ashtanga yoga and sitting meditation practice are complementary, I do not recommend combining the practices at first. Eventually, after some training, shamatha meditation can be done at the end of the yoga practice, as the mind naturally rests after pranayama.
Shamatha meditation and ashtanga yoga are two different approaches to working with the mind. Yoga practice emphasizes steadying the breath—which will take you to awareness-- and meditation practice emphasizes training awareness directly. Each one can inform the other. In the end, however, the goal is not to perfect the practice; the goal, if there is one, is to tune in to awareness. The practice is just a tool. You can spend your life crafting the perfect sword, but unless you put that sword to good use, it is not very helpful.
Signs Of SuccessYou may notice with sitting meditation practice that you start to develop a sense of kindness, acceptance, non-aggression, and peace as a result. Your experience will be different than mine. But these are some landmarks just to see if you are heading in the right direction. Too often, I see people who have a lot of practice under their belts, and who can’t seem to get along with others. It makes me wonder why they continue to practice. If practice is serving only to turn you into an arrogant expert, then perhaps another approach is necessary. As Milarepa, Tibet’s great yogi observed, “The best signs of success [in practice] are a decrease in self-centeredness and the easing of mental afflictions.”
Eventually you may want to consider doing your own retreat, so I have created a guide to organizing your at-home meditation retreat as well.
I recently returned from a long silent meditation retreat. It’s always amazing to me the profound shifts that occur from just sitting around for a couple of months. Whenever I go on a long retreat, people are curious. Admittedly, it’s a bit of a bizarre thing to do: to extract oneself from society, stop talking, and observe one’s mind, all day everyday, weeks on end.
Here are some frequently asked questions about silent meditation retreat:Q. Why would anyone want to sit in silence for an extended period?A. When you reduce the outer stimulus to focus more on the inner world, perception focuses more on the immediate. Mind gets more quiet and subtle. It’s like turning down the volume on the TV when you are trying to focus on your phone call. The chatter coming in from the outer world lessens, so you can focus more on the stillness, silence, and spaciousness that is the hallmark of our mind when it is not drowning in distraction. You learn to recognise - and rest in - the back ground from which all thoughts arise, so you can shift your focus from busy-ness to spaciousness. This in itself is a huge shift.
When you spend time at that level of awareness, you start to see what extraneous phenomena do to your experience. They cloud your vision so that you can’t see what is true. It’s so easy to believe our thoughts. But our thoughts are often misleading, and based on preconceptions that don’t accurately represent reality.
Sitting in meditation allows you to slow down your thoughts enough to see what you are telling yourself. Then you can decide whether or not you actually believe it. So you learn to make friends with your mind.
Q. How does it work?You limit activities to a specific routine, and sit still for extended periods. You limit speech, so you lessen the amount of interaction you have with others. And you limit mental activity, by continually returning the focus of your awareness back to the present moment, and to an inquiry of who, exactly, is experiencing that present moment.
It is much easier to deepen the meditation practice when you are not starting anew each day with an agitated mind. The effects are cumulative, so over the course of the retreat, mind settles more and more deeply into a state of calm abiding.
By engaging in the daily routine, you set limits on your habitual experience, so you can have a new experience. You may start to question the habitual way you operate in the world. It’s like pressing pause so you have space to look the momentum that has brought you to this point of your life, so you can consciously choose if that momentum is taking you where you want to go.
Q. What do you do during a silent meditation retreat?Twice a day we gathered as a community to receive teachings, and the rest of the day - apart from the 3 meals that were kindly prepared for us - we engaged in our own meditation practice in our rooms.
Q. What did your daily schedule look like?Here’s what my daily schedule looked like:
5-7:00 Meditation 7-8:00 Breakfast 9-10:00 Teachings 10-12:00 Meditation 12:00 Lunch 1:00 Read and/or Write 3:00 Yoga 4:30-6:00 Teachings 6:00 Dinner 7-9:00 Practice
Of course there were some variations. On Sundays I swam instead of practising yoga. Some days extenuating circumstances forced things to shift. Part of the practice is learning to hold not too tight and not too loose to the format. You treat the schedule as an of aspect of your practice. The way you hold your mind will reflect how you approach your world.
Q. Did you talk at all?We did listen to teachings by Alan Wallace twice a day, and once a week we each had individual interviews with him to discuss our practice. I did have a very few short conversations with people when we thought it would be helpful to “process” certain things, like emotional disturbance, or for clarification on certain points. The point of Noble Silence is to reduce talking to what is necessary and meaningful; it’s not simply to “play the game” of not talking. It’s an aid to the practice of focusing the mind on the practice of observing awareness instead of reacting to every impulse to speak.
Q. Is it hard not keep silent?No. But that’s just me. I have never been a big talker, and I love having permission to settle into spacious silence. It helps me access my creativity.
Q. Did you have access to internet?It seems almost impossible to get offline for any extended period these days. We did not have internet in our rooms for most of the retreat, but it was available in the public areas. I have been on silent retreats where there is no access at all to internet, and I must admit, it does deepen the experience. Internet is a huge distraction when you are trying to reduce mental noise.
Q. Don’t you get bored?No! In fact what often happens for me is that I recognise how bored I am when engaged in the mindless distractions of what we call normal daily life. I start to recognise the richness of resting in the present moment. A strange thing occurs then: the environment starts to rise up to meet my increased awareness, and starts offering gifts, like coincidences and synchronicity.
Q. Why does any of this matter?There is a certain contentment that arises when you can learn to stop following thoughts that ultimately will lead you to suffering - because they all eventually will. Everything is impermanent, so taking any thought as the path to happiness will always lead to disappointment because it’s just an illusory display of the vaster truth. The practice is to learn to recognise the nature of the mind as pure awareness, and to settle the mind in that natural state. This experience may or may not reveal experiences of bliss, clarity and non-conceptuality, which can profoundly shift how you experience reality. After all, don’t we all just want to be happy?
Q. What is the benefit of a long-term silent meditation retreat? I learned how to get out of my own way. It’s refreshing not to get caught up in the drama that can consume your daily waking life. You can choose instead to simply observe whatever arises with detachment and decide rationally whether or not a response is required, rather than reacting out of emotion.
This process has 2-parts:
- Don’t create froth
- Don’t contribute to the froth
I feel more balanced emotionally. I react less. I feel more detached from outcomes - that doesn’t mean dis-engaged, but rather unattached to how things unfold. This is a huge relief!
Q. Could you benefit from a silent meditation retreat?This type of experience is available to anyone. You don’t have to be “spiritual” or “religious” to experience the deep state of calm that is our natural birthright. It’s simply a matter of practice, like any musician or artist would confirm. You show up and apply the technique, and eventually you achieve some results. In this case, the practice is sitting meditation, and a great way to develop proficiency is by doing a silent meditation retreat.
These results are powerful. You get empowered by connecting to the source by simply sitting down to observe the mind. You start to see that what you mistook to be your own individual midstream is rather universal compassion, wisdom and power manifesting through your midstream for you to observe. When you discover this, then all you need to do is connect at any time to be available to whatever wants to download - like connecting to the ICloud.
I've struggled to deal with anxiety much of my life. I only discovered this recently when I finally identified a label for the overwhelming feelings of fear that have consumed me whenever life takes a big turn. When one phase falls apart to make way for another, instead of accepting change as a natural part of life, I often beat myself up for being unable to "keep it together." And that's not very helpful. Or kind. Or compassionate.
I know it's unfashionable to dwell in the past, but certain habitual patterns are born from experiences we had as children. So it's helpful to identify them to know how we are still unconsciously playing them out. When I was 11, my parents divorced. My known world disintegrated and suddenly both of my parents were busy pulling their own lives back together. I had to call on my own resources to negotiate new situations (my parents' new partners), circumstances (I was now in charge of getting dinner on the table) and emotions (fear and grief) on my own.
While most people can relate to the occasional feeling of worry or a bout of nerves, some of us identify sudden change with this fear for survival. We take worry and supersize it until it becomes a bona fide crisis. And here's the thing: human folly (aka karma) dictates that we keep repeating whatever lesson we need to learn. Given that my nomadic lifestyle practically dictates uncertainty from one month to the next, I've become somewhat of an expert at working with anxiety. Here's I share what I've learned in case it might help you.
6 Smart Ways to Deal with Anxiety1. Resource.The number one remedy for me these days is to reignite meditation practice. I schedule in more practice than usual and if possible, do a mini retreat to rediscover the source of inner wisdom. Click here to listen to a short introduction to sitting meditation practice. Meditation is one of the best ways I know to deal with anxiety.
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Easy does it.Be compassionate and gentle with yourself. I've learned the hard way that adding the critical “I” voice aggravates already existing external pressure. Life throws curve balls; we don’t have to assume we did something wrong when things don’t go our way. When you practice self-compassion, you defuse the pressure by allowing whatever wants to arise. Use the time to reflect (not analyze or obsess), rest, reconnect with sources of joy. Appreciate your strengths and treat yourself well. Acknowledge fear and anxiety if they arise, and simply let these emotions work through you rather than letting them take hold of you.
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Reframe.Failure is simply a sign that it's not time yet for things to converge in a certain configuration. Or that there is more work to do. Or possibly, that you are barking up the wrong tree. Step back and see if this situation will matter so much to you on your deathbed. Sometimes we can get so worked up about something that is essentially a non-issue, merely because we've forgotten to put things in perspective. Sometimes we need to rethink our priorities. Writing practice is my trusted method for discovering new angles to a situation. Painting is also a wonderful way to get out of the intellect and into the realm of feeling, where new insights can occur. Do something that let’s you tune in to your present experience without getting lost in the storyline.
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Reconnect.Spend time in nature. Call and meet up with friends. Nourish yourself with healthy food and supportive relationships. Work with a therapist or coach. Remember what feeds you and actively seek out opportunities for replenishment.
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Get Moving!Listen to the wisdom of your body and move the energy around. Sometimes simply getting up and walking into the next room can shift a difficult state of mind. Take walks. Ride your bike. Find a swimming pool. Get on your yoga mat, even if it's only to do 3 sun salutations. Or, if it's a particularly hard day, just do shavasana and listen to the body's messages.
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Practice Patience.It can be tempting to try to rush out of an uncomfortable situation. But the energy you bring to any new situation will influence what develops. If you don’t know what to do next, don’t do anything for the moment. Often a flurry of activity can mask an unwillingness to be with the situation as it is. Waiting patiently for clarity to dawn is a skill that will save your battered nerves. Settle into the breath when you can remember.
It’s important to recognize that solid ground is an illusion. Most of us crave certainty to feel like we've got a grip on things.
When anxiety tells you to get a grip, remember that the secret is not to get a grip at all, but rather to let go. Whatever happens is just a passing phase. The current circumstances are simply the fruition of one phase, and yet they are also the seed of the phase that will soon be at your doorstep.
There is an element of trust here. I often invite clarity from a higher source, literally asking, "may I please have clarity around this situation." It helps to hand over the burden and trust that I'll know what I need to know, when I need to know it. It's like driving at night: you can only see as far as your headlights, but you know the road extends beyond the light.
Take heed of Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche’s wise words, “pain is not punishment, and pleasure is not a reward.” It’s just how things are, currently.
Anxiety is a wake up call that you are not trusting the current situation to provide what you need. Seen from a different perspective, it is your invitation to relax and let the wisdom of the moment reveal itself. There might be something wonderful just around the bend that needed you to evolve in order to recognise it.
How do you deal with anxiety?If you need extra help working with anxiety, get the tools, tips and guidance you need in this mini-course, Beat Anxiety Now.
Contemplative practices such as yoga and sitting meditation help settle the body, steady the breath and calm the mind to establish harmony and a ground of sanity. When you attend a yoga or meditation retreat, you sign up to learn specific practices or techniques, but you may not get a context for how to apply these practices to your daily life. A good wellness retreat will address not only practices, but also a vision for how to make life changes for better overall health and wellbeing. Here are 8 benefits of a wellness retreat. Could you benefit from one?
Wellness is a state of good health, on many levels, starting with physically, spiritually and mentally.When life gets hectic, it’s easy to fall into bad habits as we try to maintain a sense of grounded-ness. But often this has the opposite effect: we get stressed so may drink too much coffee, or binge on sugar in an attempt to self-medicate, which makes our mind more agitated. The universe responds to a calm state of mind more readily that it does to an eager, frantic one. So sometimes in order to step out of a negative cycle, we need to retreat and get back on track with what we know is good for us.
Relaxing is the key to doing anything well. The reason? When you are relaxed, you become fully present. Being fully present is the key to manifesting whatever you choose. When you take time out for a wellness retreat, you learn practices that train you to relax deeply.
A wellness retreat aims to engender a state of good health: physically, spiritually and mentally.One very effective way to keep your wellness in check, is by scheduling a wellness retreat that works for you on all levels.
A robust wellness retreat addresses the whole human package. Emphasis is on going deeper into the whole being–including the psychological process–which gives clarity when making life choices. You will learn to access inner wisdom through mindfulness and awareness. A quality wellness program will give you tools and daily practices to facilitate dialogue with this deeper wisdom current so that it becomes part of your daily life.
8 Benefits of a wellness retreat:1. Taking time to listen to your body and hear its messages 2. Learn mindfulness practices to settle the mind into a state of peace 3. Process emotional or psychological issues that feel unfinished or that need a decision 4. Talk through what’s bothering you and work through a dilemma through using creative process or dialogue 5. Be a part of a supportive community and forge new friendships 6. Take time away from daily life to view things from a new perspective 7. Spend time in nature 8. Healing, rest and relaxation
Who could benefit from a wellness program?* Seasoned meditators who want a more embodied practice and daily yoga routine to support meditation * Yoga teachers and practitioners who want tools for their classes, inspiration for their students and refinement for their own practice * Creatives who feed off of community and inspiration, who want to incorporate a meditation practice into their creative process * Anyone who needs support going through life transition or help making a major decision or wants help creating a new life path
Ready to schedule a wellness retreat? Start here with your own at-home meditation retreat.
Want to do a meditation retreat but don't know where to go? I've compiled a list of my favorites--the best meditation retreat centers--or retreats with excellent teachers-- to help your research. I either know these places personally or have first hand knowledge of through friends.
Group Retreat Vs. Solitary RetreatIf you are interested in doing your own self-guided retreat, get my free Self-Retreat Guide here.
It’s always amazing to me the profound shifts and insights that occur from sitting with a group of people for a period of time. It's an interesting thing to do as a group: to extract oneself from society, stop talking, and observe one’s mind, all day everyday, weeks on end. What always amazes me is how well you can get to know people without talking. It's one of the best ways I know of to get to know yourself.
If you are ready to embark on your own meditation retreat, click here to get the guide.
Best Meditation Retreat Centers Around The World
Contemplative psychotherapy is a practical and therapeutic application of mindfulness practice.Contemplative means an emphasis on developing a mindfulness practice such as meditation. Without some sort of mindful practice to take into daily life, talk therapy can simply stay on the level of concept. Primarily this means that your therapist maintains a mindfulness practice which informs the therapeutic process. Practices can also be shared with the client, for added efficacy of treatment. The practice element helps you to incorporate new ways of showing up in your life. So contemplative psychotherapy brings mindfulness to the therapeutic process.
Psychotherapy addresses practical as well as deeper psychological issues. Whether you need to heal from a family trauma, deal with a loss, creatively approach a career transition, or revise unhealthy habits, psychotherapy offers solutions. Click here to listen to one of my former professors and mentors, Bruce Tift, M.A., LMFT, to get a glimpse into how contemplative psychotherapy works.
Training The MindContemplative psychotherapy is essentially about re-training the mind-- transforming a reactive (or sleeping) mechanism into a creative tool. It's about turning your mind into an ally rather than an adversary to be defeated. In my work, all sessions include mindfulness practices and "homework," essentially practices to observe between sessions. Mindfulness practices are the foundation to create changes in your career, relationships and life.
When you incorporate contemplative practice into your life, things shift. I can’t promise that you will automatically have a more meaningful, rich and balanced life, but with practice, you will definitely begin to see things in a new way. New insights allow you to revisit long held beliefs and question whether or not those beliefs are still valid for you.
These practices work, but you have to do them diligently. And without a guide that can be extremely difficult. It helps to have someone who has walked the path to guide you.
It Helps To Have A GuideMy job as your Contemplative Psychotherapist is to hold the space of awareness throughout our dialogue, allowing you to recognize and identify how issues manifest in your life. Once we have a map of the terrain we are working with, I'll invite you to look underneath the issues to the source. Together we will reframe your experience until it becomes clear what the lessons are, and how to approach them.
All you need to be happy is in this present moment. It’s right here, right now. But here is the caveat: you have to actually BE in the present moment to be able to recognize that. If you are preoccupied with worries and thoughts, emotionally charged or physically dull, distracted by phones or future plans, then you are not present. If you are self conscious about how you look or what others think, if anything interrupts your direct experience in the moment, then you are not fully present. When you can tune in to the beauty of each present moment, even the not so beautiful moments, then a shift takes place.
A Shift In PerceptionAwareness blooms and you can just drop your story line.
When you start to tune in and make friends with your mind, things start to manifest differently. You start to change your own world. This then extends out to change the larger world, because your interactions with people will be different, and your relationships start to change. So your evolution as an individual eventually brings about revolution in your world.
Changing your own perspective is what helps make change in the world. Evolution on a personal level creates global revolution. So your personal work to build a healthy relationship to your mind causes a shift that is felt throughout the planet.
While your more immediate goals may be focused on your microcosm, know that any work you do for yourself will translate into great benefit for all sentient beings. And we all benefit from that.
Want to learn more about contemplative psychotherapy? Click here to schedule a free mini-session.
Every so often I get an email from a student who has hit a road block and feels like giving up. I got one of these the other day from a lovely woman who is a dedicated practitioner of both yoga and meditation. She wrote:
I’ve been hit by a strong dose of doubt about the path, meditation, Buddhism, self help, spirituality... I’m fed up. At the moment, I just want just give up and be "normal" again.... Why bother?"
Meditation is not self-help.Buddhism is not self-help. Yoga is definitely not self-help. Though the paths of yoga and meditation can help us see more clearly where we need help in dealing with our issues, they are not a substitute for therapy. The practices help us to see how we get in our own way and cause our own suffering. How to work with these issues is a completely separate approach. From a Buddhist perspective, there is nothing to change. From your spouse's, there might be a different story.
Giving Up Means No PathOn one level, this thing we call the spiritual path is simply a structure we give ourselves to stay out of trouble. As in: we’re here on the planet and have to do something with ourselves, so it's better to do something virtuous rather than unvirtuous. Inevitably, harmful actions will cause suffering. So we train ourselves to be kind.
Somewhere along the way we start to realize that there is no path."Spiritual path" is just a name for something we see after the fact. Live your life, moment by moment, with integrity. Take the spiritual thinking out of it. No nonsense: nuts and bolts.
The Heart Sutra (the essence of Buddha's teachings of the second turning, or Mahayana path) reminds us that there is “no eye, no ear, no nose, no body, no mind," and also "no ignorance, no end of ignorance, no end of old age and death, no suffering, no origin of suffering, no cessation of suffering, no path, no wisdom, no attainment and no non-attainment…"
So, what's left?
Giving Up The GoalAnything we can think of is a product of our conceptual mind. And conceptual mind is not the same as wisdom. When we sit down to meditate, we invite wisdom.
In this light, the great Buddhist saint Tilopa left us this provocative reminder:
One should resist, or let go of the temptation, which at some point always arises in the experience of beginning meditators, to improve or make better one’s meditation by meditating on tranquility, or on the experience of emptiness, or on clarity, or on bliss, or by fabricating or contriving any other strategy to improve one’s meditation. All such attempts to improve one’s meditation by “meditating” are obstacles to meditation."
But this may not help ease our minds when we are feeling lost, alone, and discouraged.
Accepting Our AlonenessAlone = All One. We are allone. At times this can be hard to bear. But my sneaking suspicion is that the voice of inner wisdom gets louder when we can tolerate our aloneness.
Here's section from my book, Ashtanga Yoga For Beginner’s Mind:
Practice, if it is approached seriously, introduces you to your aloneness. Since the bulk of modern culture proposes everything under the sun to deny this fact of existence, continuing to practice is a defiant step against the standard view."
Society has dictated certain goals for us, as if our lives were laid out before we even began. When these goals elude us, or when we choose not to embrace them, the fundamental truth of aloneness can feel like a curse.
The Key Is To Let Go Of OutcomesIf you feel like giving up, it implies that you are trying to get somewhere. The truth is that there is no goal. And isn’t this really what makes us unhappy? Thinking that we have not reached our goals? We want happiness, success, abundance, love, recognition, and when we feel we don’t measure up against our goals, we suffer.
The true prize, if there is one, is the ability to be ok with whatever arises. This takes practice. I find that by giving up the goal, instead of giving up the practice, I often surpass the goal and make other, wonderful discoveries.
There Is No GoalTilopa also said,
The best signs of success [in practice] are a decrease in self-centeredness and an easing of mental afflictions."
Essentially there is no path other than a commitment to live with authenticity and integrity in each present moment. The amazing thing is that this experience is already with you right now! Then you realize that even though you are allone, you are not alone.
Follow Your HeartThe short answer to my client's question is this: follow your heart. We are here for a short period of time on this planet. Find what is in you that makes you truly happy --not what everyone else thinks should make you happy--and do that.
I love Dr. Seuss' wisdom on this:
Be who you are and say what you feel Those who matter don't mind And those who mind don't matter."
Never give up!Know someone who is close to giving up? Share this post with them! Use the buttons below.
Want to do an at-home meditation retreat at home but don't know how? When I did my first solitary meditation retreat 20 years ago, it changed my life. It helped me develop a strong connection to meditation practice that changed the way I approach most everything. Solitary retreat is a fantastic way to learn to trust yourself. The self-discipline necessary to do a retreat is very empowering. It’s no longer an option for me to forego my daily practice. These days, sitting for me is like brushing my teeth: I feel incomplete if I don’t do it every day.
Silent Meditation RetreatEvery year I try to fit in a long period of silent meditation retreat. People are often curious what I do on retreat. Over the years people have expressed interest in doing their own retreat, so I compiled this guide to help you get started on your own solitary retreat. It’s a great tool to have in your tool-kit, so that you can pull it out when you need to take a break and re-group, or get clarity on a particular issue or direction in life.
What Kind Of Retreat?There are as many different approaches to “retreat” as there are people. How do you go about initiating and organizing your own retreat? I should say that it is much easier for some people to join a scheduled retreat at a meditation retreat center.
Solitary Meditation RetreatFor those who can’t work it into their schedules, or who prefer to embark on a solitary retreat, the experience is a powerful one. Yes, it is fantastic to sit in a group and ride the group energy—especially if it is a seasoned group of practitioners. But what if you don’t have a group of experienced meditators to sit with? If you have the discipline, it can be extraordinarily powerful to do your own silent meditation retreat, alone.
Click here to get your At-Home Retreat Guide
Writing practice is an excellent tool to identify influences that undermine inner harmony. Once you have this information, you start to recognize what upsets your equilibrium so you know where your work lies. To be clear, we are talking about handwriting practice: writing by hand.
Here's how writing practice works:Using specific prompts, you do what is called "free writing" which is essentially stream of consciousness writing with a specific intention.
There are 3 rules to free-writing practice:1. Write by hand, with pen and paper, NOT on the computer.
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Write without stopping or lifting your pen from the page - either for a fixed period of time, or a pre-determined number of pages.
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Don't censor or edit while you write. Let anything come out, even if it is gibberish. If you lose your train of thought or don't know what to write next, then write, "I don't know what to write and anyway this exercise is silly and I bla bla bla....." Eventually something will come and you will get back into the flow. The thinking mind will try to sabotage your subconscious, which is where all your juicy ideas are. Let it all out, knowing that this is FOR YOUR EYES ONLY.
You can use free-writing practice in different ways.• Use writing practice to "clear the decks" of your mind, wiping the slate clean after you've had an argument, for example, or when you need some inspiration to keep going. • Target different patterns and habits, all with the intent to release blockages to creativity. Ask open ended questions like, "How am I getting in my own way?" and see what comes out. • Incorporate this practice into your daily routine to encourage a more balanced and conscious approach to life. • Ask specific questions when you have choices to make and need clarity.
Here is your first prompt.Finish this sentence:If I knew I would not fail, I would... Write for 10 minutes without stopping and see what you get. You might surprise yourself.
Click here for 20 writing prompts to help you work with difficult situations.
Ashtanga Yoga For Beginner's Mind is a primer for anyone who wishes to learn the fundamentals of Ashtanga Vinyasa Yoga. This is more than just a book about yoga for beginners. I wrote this book in response to students who were asking me for a practical guide to the primary series, while also hoping for a clear path to the state of meditation that results from deep ashtanga yoga practice.
Yoga For BeginnersYoga teachers sometimes complain to me sometimes that they have “only beginners” in their classes. I love beginners. I always want to be a beginner. One sure way to stop learning is to become an expert.
So, this is a book for beginners. If you are already an expert, then you probably will not learn anything by reading these pages, so better to go do some advanced practice.
As a beginner, you might be able to do all the postures in the primary series, but you might not. Please do not worry about this. Worrying makes your face tight and your breathing shallow, and neither of these help get you into the postures any faster. We call this yoga practice, not yoga performance. Practice makes perfect. Performance makes Oscars.
I started this project at the encouragement of students who, over many years, have asked for reference books on the Ashtanga Vinyasa system. I never paid any attention, since there are already several excellent manuals describing the practice and many good videos. If you want to learn the postures, these teachings are quite readily found.
Ashtanga yoga for beginner's mind
Comments From A Respected Ashtanga Yoga TeacherRead the foreword by Richard Freeman, one of the most respected ashtanga yoga teachers in the world today:
Ashtanga yoga, though familiar to some as strictly a series of postures accompanied by specific patterns of breathing and gazing, is actually the broad system of yoga that forms the context for posture and breathing practices. The opportunity to start again at the very beginning is always available, but we often overlook it. By practicing, by starting over, the context of whatever the focus of the practice is becomes revealed.
Ashtanga Yoga For Beginner's Mind provides a solid introduction to the tools available to undertake this process of inquiry. It lays the foundation for a deeply grounded practice to take root and flourish.
~Richard Freeman, Mirror Of Yoga
And this review by a respected teacher of dream yoga in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition:
Kim Roberts has distilled a lifetime of learning and yogic practice into a beautiful book. With the ease of a confident master, she skillfully guides both new and seasoned students into the wonders of yoga and meditation. Meditators often dismiss the importance of body, and practitioners of yoga often set aside the significance of mind. This book serves to unite body and mind, and will be of benefit to anyone who possesses both.
~ Andrew Holecek, Dream Yoga
Everyone starts at the beginning. Whether you are looking for your own introduction to yoga for beginners, or for a way to help guide your students, Ashtanga Yoga for Beginner's Mind can illuminate steps along the path.
Click Here to get your copy of Ashtanga Yoga for Beginner's Mind