Artful Loving: Recent Episodes
Nic
On Artful Loving we take a deep dive into all things LOVE, SEX and RELATIONSHIPS. Having the edgy conversations and exploring all the things we wish we knew before we began our trip on the heartbreak merry-go-round. Relationships and Intimacy therapist and coach Nic Tovey shares his 15 years experience as a therapist along with his colourful relationship biography to help you master your relationship world.
There is no greater miracle than the process of pregnancy and birth! It is possible the most transformative rite of passage a person can go through, and so of course it can bring with it myriad challenges.
We hear and read a lot about the mother's experience through this amazing transformative time, and rightly so, yet we don't hear a great deal about the father's experience. Of course he has a very different experience which is not always an easy one.
In this episode I share a little about my own experience as I have been navigating the pregnancy journey with my partner Stephanie, and bring light to many of the complex challenges that many men would face at this time. Of course everyone's experience is their own but hopefully I offer a voice here that may be accurate for many men, and informative for their women.
I would so love to read some of your own experiences and answer any questions you may have.
Please like, share and comment below, and make sure you click that subscribe button.
Much love!
Co-dependency gets a bad rap and is often sold to us as being something "wrong", which I don't think is helpful.
I like to see co-dependency as a natural phase on the evolutionary journey of relationship.
In this episode I share my view on the evolutionary trajectory we can take on our journey as a relational being.
Please like, share and comment below. Enjoy :)
Our modern relational and family paradigm has created a very harmful epidemic of isolation around the western world and this doesn't have to be the case.
In this episode I talk about why it is so very important for us to relieve our partner from the pressure of being everything for us. We are communal beings and so we need to branch out beyond our picket fences to create more of a community of support as individuals, couples and families.
If this is useful to you I'd love to read your comments, questions and feedback so please leave them below.
Please like, share and subscribe to give Youtube the interaction it needs so this video can reach more people.
Much love
Break ups really suck, of course they do, but sometimes they're really really necessary. But how do we know when it's time to call it a day?
In this episode I delve into the considerations we need to be tussling with to make sure we're making the right decision at the right time, and in so doing, trying our best to minimise the damage, to ourselves and those around us.
Ending a relationship is never an easy thing to do but staying in a bad one to avoid the difficulty is never going to yield a good outcome for anyone involved.
I hope this is useful for some of you and that it helps to ease some avoidable pain.
If you like what I'm bringing here please like, share, comment and of course, subscribe!
I really appreciate your support.
Much love
We all have the experience, either in a new relationship or in one we've been in for a while, when the sex is just a bit below par, but what do we do about it?
Sex is a crucially important part of life and of a good healthy relationship and Nobody should be enduring BAD SEX! But it's not always easy to confront the matter when it arises.
In this episode I share my thoughts on what to do when we're just not getting the satisfaction we want and deserve from the sex we're having.
I'd love to read your comments and questions. Please like and share the video and of course, subscribe.
Enjoy!
When is it ok to say those three very small but very significant words?
These very simple words can have us all tied up in a tizz and wondering if its ok to say them, or if they're not said or reciprocated, we can get into an even bigger tizz about that.
When is the right time to share an expression of our love for someone, and what does that even mean anyway? These are some big questions.
In this episode I talk about what these words mean to me and I also share some things that I feel are a good idea for us to look out for in our desire or aversion to sharing these three little words.
I hope this is useful to you. If you like what I have to share please go ahead and click the like button, share it with your friends and loved ones, please leave your comments and questions, and of course click that good ol' subscribe button.
Enjoy!
I'm pretty sure we've all had the experience of being in a new relationship and becoming "head over heals" about this new person and losing all sight of everyday reality in the process.
Infatuation is when we get totally inebriated on the new object of our love and desire and lose all sense of self, and whats important to us, and we generally begin to act a bit crazy.
New love is of course a beautiful experience and we do get drunk on the yummy feelings that happen at this time, but we don't have to lose ourself. In this episode I help us understand the signs that we may have fallen into the infatuation trap and what we can then to do about it.
I'd love to know what you think and feel about this, please leave your comments and questions below. And of course like the video, share it with your friends and subscribe!
Enjoy!
I think we've all got a little kinky side to us that sometimes gets locked away in the dark corners of our private fantasies, but for some people getting kinky is a very important part of their life and individual sexual expression.
Kink and BDSM has definitely become much more mainstream in recent years thanks to a certain series of books and films. While I think thats a great thing it is super important to dispel any of the myths and misinterpretations that can come from the media, so our experiences are safe, consensual and of course, deliciously fun!
In this episode I dive into the dark or not so dark world of kink to bring you some foundational understanding that can help you to explore some of the edges of your sexual expression, and maybe bring a little more spice to your bedroom, or dungeon.
If you like this video please click the like button, share it with your friends and loved ones, share any comments, questions or feedback, and of course subscribe! Thanks for your support and enjoy the video.
If you'd like to get in touch with me directly to discuss how I can support you on your journey then please contact me through the website http://www.nictovey.com/
I'm sure we've all had the experience of coming across traits, behaviours, values or beliefs in a person we're in relationship with that just don't feel good to us, and sometimes these can be enough to make or break a relationship. But sometimes these "red flags" can be hard to spot, or easy to dismiss, to our own detriment.
Of course we're all different and we value different things, and thats a good thing, except when it isn't! We can save ourselves a whole lot of pain and hardship by recognising the red flags early and then doing what we need to do to address them and take care of our needs.
In this episode I discuss the common red flags, how to recognise them and what we can then do with them.
If you find this useful and informative then please like and share, comment below with any questions or comments, and of course subscribe.
And if you would like to discuss how we can work together please reach out via nic@nictovey.com Enjoy!
Part 2 on this conversation on Trauma in relationships.
To continue the very BIG conversation on trauma in relationships, in this episode I dive deeper into Attachment Theory.
Attachment Theory is all the rage these days, and for good reason - Its a very important and useful model that helps us understand our relationship dynamics, and how our early childhood experiences helped shape the people we are in relationship, for good and bad.
There's so much more you can learn about Attachment Theory in books and online but here I give you the basics which will be enough to start understanding yourself and your partner a little more.
Enjoy! And of course please like the video, share with your friends and loved-ones, provide any comments, questions and feedback, and of course subscribe :)
Part 1 in this conversation on Trauma in relationships.
This is a biggy! Not only in time but in content ;)
Trauma is such a big deal these days, and thats a really good thing! We've learnt a lot about trauma in recent years through advances in psychology, neurology and medical imaging, we've really come a long way!
And of course, there's no where in life that the symptoms of trauma show up more than in intimate relationships.
In this episode I talk about my understanding of trauma, how to understand it in our selves, and how to recognise it in our partners.
There is of course potential to have some emotional responses to some of the things I talk about in this episode, so ensure to take care of yourself and reach out to a trusted support person or a professional if you need extra support.
If you feel you'd like to do some deeper work with this in your own life then please get in touch with me at nic@nictovey.com
And of course please like, share, comment and subscribe!
Enjoy
We all know that all good relationships are built on a foundation of good communication, so why do so many of us SUCK at it so bad???
The truth is that communication isn't the issue, it's emotion that gets in the way of good communication.
In this episode I talk about this most important of the fundamental skills we need to develop to establish and maintain good, healthy and satisfying relationships. I give you some great insights and understandings around how to communicate effectively as well some very important DON'Ts and some equally important DOs.
I'd LOVE to know how this lands for you so please share your comments, questions and feedback.
And if this is useful to you please like it and support someone else by sharing it with them.
Enjoy!
One of the most common challenges that I hear about from many couples in long term relationships is the reduction of sexual desire and passion within the relationship compared to how things were in the early days, and of course I've had my own experiences of this too!
This is such a common and very natural part of being in a long term relationship, and definitely doesn't automatically mean that there is something "WRONG" with the relationship or either of you!
It stands to reason that the sense of excitement, novelty and adventure that exists between us when we first meet is going to wain as we become much more familiar with each other over time, when the unknown becomes known. So how do we get the passion back?!?!
In this episode I discus this phenomenon in depth, aim to help you understand whats at play when this happens, what we need to be aware of in ourselves, and how we can intentionally create opportunities to put some fuel back on the passionate fire.
If you'd like to dive into this a little deeper then here's one way. I mention my online course Stoking the Fire which you can find here: https://www.nictovey.com/resources/
And of course, if you'd like to work with me 1 on 1 or as a couple then please get in touch here: nic@nictovey.com
I'd love to read your comments, questions and feedback!
Enjoy
Alternative relationship styles to the standard monogamy paradigm aren't exactly new but they have gained a lot of mainstream attention and appeal recently.
In this episode I discuss some of the options we have when it comes to consensual non-monogamy, the potential challenges and pitfalls that can arise and how to deal with them.
Non-monogamy is definitely not an easy lifestyle choice and definitely isn't for everyone, but in my view, if the old paradigm isn't working for us, its worth exploring our options in a way that is safe, consensual and mutually agreed upon.
If this is an area you would like to explore or have had some challenges with, and you feel you could benefit from some support, please get in touch at nic@nictovey.com I'd REALLY LOVE to read your comments and questions so please put them below.
Enjoy!
How to have those sexy conversations?
Many of us really struggle to have open, honest and vulnerable conversations about sex - about what we like or dislike, what we'd like to experience or what we fantasise about.
There is so much baggage that we hold that gets in the way of these sometimes awkward, often uncomfortable, but very necessary conversations.
In this episode I explore why we find it so difficult and what we can do to help us get over our selves to have these important and potentially fun conversations.
Please like, comment and share if you feel this is valuable. I'd love to hear from you about your own experiences and perspectives. Enjoy!
Fatherhood is one of, if not THE most powerful initiations a man can go through, yet some miss out on the full impact and responsibility that this offers.
In this episode I share a lot of my own experience of being a father, the gifts and the challenges. I also discuss some of the really important issues I see in the world when it comes to fathers, the importance of their role and how we all could support them more.
There is definitely some potential for this episode to bring up some emotions for some people so please take care of yourself and seek support if you feel the need to.
If you would like to reach out and talk to me about any of the issues I've approached here please email me at nic@nictovey.com And of course please, like, comment and share with your your friends.
Porn has of course been around for a very long time, but never has it been so readily available as today.
In this episode I discuss my views on porn and its problems, and how we can engage with porn in a healthy way, as individuals and couples. Please let me know your thoughts with a comment below the video.
If anything in this episode touches a nerve please reach out to have a chat at nic@nictovey.com
There is no area of life where emotions are at play as much as they are in intimate relationships. And most of us are woefully ill-equipped to effectively deal with them. So of course, this becomes the route of the majority of relationship disconnect.
In this episode I try (and fail) to offer a short but in-depth discourse on my view of emotions, their purpose, what to do with them and how we can create a healthy relationship to both our own emotions and our partner's.
This is SUCH a big topic and so I can not hope to cover it all in a relatively short video. If this is an area you feel you need to do some deep and intentional work with then get in touch, lets work together. Head to my website to read more and connect with me there: https://www.nictovey.com/ I'd REALLY LOVE to read your comments, questions and feedback! How has this content moved you, stirred you, pissed you off???
Of course monogamy is very much the preferred relationship style for most people, but what does monogamy even mean? Unfortunately monogamy isn't often clearly defined and many assumptions get made causing all sorts of problems.
In this episode I explore some of the all too common assumptions around what monogamy means and encourage some deep and meaningful conversations to help you define your particular version of monogamy.
Enjoy! And please like, subscribe and provide any comments or questions in the comments section
Parenthood is the most powerful initiation a person can undergo, and so it is one that ideally should be entered into with some careful consideration.
In this episode I discus some of the things I feel are important to consider and to discuss when raising the question of bringing a child into the relationship.
I share some of my own experiences on the parenting journey also.
I hope this is useful to you! If you enjoy the video please like, share and remember to subscribe. I'd also love to read your comments, questions and feedback.
One of the most important skills to develop in all relationships and in life in general is the ability to understand, create and uphold healthy boundaries. Unfortunately this is not a skill many of us are taught during childhood and so we need to develop the skill later in life.
In this episode I discuss some crucial foundational awareness required to attune ourselves to our boundaries so we can then work with them in our relationships.
In the episode I mention Betty Martin's fabulous work, The Wheel of Consent. Here is one of her videos to help you out: https://youtu.be/auokDp_EA80
And here is the link to learn how to play the 3 Minute Game: https://youtu.be/_KCzpNBNbVM
And if you would like to join the Patreon community and dive into the conversation a little deeper then head over here: https://www.patreon.com/Artful_Loving
Every relationship will go through periods where the sexual desire of each partner does not match and this can often become a point of contention in the relationship.
Desire discrepancy is a very normal experience for most couples from time to time and in this video I discus some important factors for us to consider and some ways we can help each other to come together in mutuality.
If you would like to engage in the conversation as part of a community of like minded people then please consider supporting my work and becoming a Patron. Head to this link to subscribe: https://www.patreon.com/Artful_Loving
If you are in a relationship and would like to work with me to help navigate your desire discrepancy challenges then head to this link to see what ways we could work together: http://www.nictovey.com/services/couples-coaching/
Also for the couples, I have an online course to help you both re-stoke the fire of passion between you. Head to this link to check it out: https://nics-school-fbaf.thinkific.com/courses/stoking-the-fire
Where else do we get to meet potential partners today except for online? Especially in our current COVID era most dating at least begins online, but as we all know, it can feel like a jungle out there and can be quite overwhelming.
In this episode I talk about the online dating world and provide some great tips to make this very useful but potentially problematic tool work for us.
Please leave comments and questions, and if you'd like to engage a little deeper, come on over to support the channel and be a part of a community on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/Artful_Loving
Have you ever told yourself that you're not "ready for a relationship"? But how do you know when you are ready? What does "ready" even mean??
In this episode I dive into this complex and gritty subject. I explore some of the reason's we reach for relationship or are repelled from it and how to examine our motivations.
If you haven't already please subscribe to the podcast to get notified when a new episode is released. And if you'd like to become part of the Artful Loving community and engage with the content with myself and like minded people, then come on over to Patreon here: https://www.patreon.com/Artful_Loving
And if you're interested in learning a little more about me and my work and potentially working with me head to the website here: https://nictovey.com/
In this episode I share my vision for what I call the (R)Evolutionary Relationship - a relationship built with intention to be a container for the evolution of each partner. I present the 4 Pillars of the (R)Evolutionary Relationship and what I believe are the key ingredients we need to successfully co-create and maintain an AMAZING relationship.
I mention my couples program which is built on the vision for the (R)Evolutionary Relationship. If you are a couple that would like to dive deep together then this may be of interest to you http://www.nictovey.com/services/couples-coaching/
And why not come on over to join the Patreon community and dive in a little deeper and receive Patron only content and experiences. https://www.patreon.com/Artful_Loving
In this first episode I want to introduce myself to you, who I am, where I came from and how I got to be the man I am doing the work I do today. I also wanted to talk about my vision for the podcast and my greater vision for human relationships.
I also mention that if you would like to go a little deeper with me and become a part of a community you may want to become a Petron. Head over to Patreon here to sign up for Patron only content and benefits. https://www.patreon.com/Artful_Loving
I also gave my book The (R)Evolutionary Man a sneaky little mention. If you'd like to check the book out head over to Amazon here: https://www.amazon.com.au/Evolutionary-Man-Modern-Enlightenment-Whatever/dp/B08RGYNT35/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3DR37A1LLXYDU&keywords=The+%28R%29Evolutionary+Man&qid=1649897348&sprefix=the+r+evolutionary+man%2Caps%2C283&sr=8-1
And of course if you'd like to check out more about myself and my work then head over to my website here: http://www.nictovey.com/
A HUGE welcome to the Artful Loving podcast!
Subscribe to receive weekly episodes packed full of quality tips, tricks and resources, and of course plenty of personal experiences, to help you master your world of LOVE, SEX and RELATIONSHIPS!
You can learn more about me and my work here http://www.nictovey.com/
If you have any questions or topics you'd like me to discuss on the podcast please email me here info@nictovey.com
I'm excited to be on this journey with you!