Mercenaries In Retrograde: Recent Episodes
Merce In Ret
It's a statistical wonder that these four dorks made it this far, but here they are! A new TTRPG podcast starring Algernon Heart, Simmon Petaldae, and Celeste Tourmalia, finding their way in a steampunk world puppeteered by DM Mac. This is Mercenaries in Retrograde.
It feels like the end of days in Luminoa and our heroes are fighting for their lives. Simmon summons a skull, Celeste won't stop, Algernon aids his friends, and Ixi's group fights from below. Who will deal the killing blow on this week's episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde?
Under the surface what do you see? Nightmares? Terrors? ...Hope? Simmon is down. Celeste looks rough. Algernon speaks too soon. Ixi hides away. Who will make it out alive on this week's episode of Mercenaries In Retrograde.
With a second Dragon entering the ring, what will our Statistical Wonders do?! Simmon falls out of the sky, Celeste blasts a baddie, Algernon lances psychically, and Ixi stays critting. Can you calculate how much damage we did on this episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde.
We've had plenty of Dungeons on this show but what about the other half?! Simmon becomes a mosquito, Celeste jumps a railing, Algernon plays back up, and Ixi resorts to it's hidey hole! Can you survive what's in the abyss on this week's episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde?
What's better entertainment than watching people fall into the abyss for fun? Simmon watches his funeral, Celeste uses diplomacy, Algernon ponders the big picture, and Ixi finds something dangerous. Find out what gets pulled wide open on this week's episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde.
Socializing is hard. But not as hard as dancing when you have 2 left feet! Simmon can't dance, Celeste is a paragon of perfection, Algernon is a charisma machine, and Ixi spins in circles. Grab a drink and dance your way into this episode of Mercenaries In Retrograde.
One two three- One two three- Our heroes are about to waltz the night away! Simmon gets tipsy, Celeste embodies the heir, Algernon turns some heads, and Ixi is the Supreme Creature of the Swap! Dance your heart out on this week's episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde!
Big thanks to Nikos Spiliotis on YouTube for letting us use their music!
Twas the night before the ball and what do we see? A group of young adventurers trying to be... ready to take on their enemies... sorry I'm not good at rhyming. Simmon misses the mark, Celeste is about to make her own way, Algernon doesn't give his backstory, and Ixi- is that a stick? What in the world of wonder could be happening on this week's episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde?!
Look at this thing I found! It says it's name is Ixi! Simmon panics, Celeste protects her home, Algernon celebrates teamwork, and Ixikat pokes monsters with a stick! Find out more about the creature in your walls in this week's episode of Mercenaries In Retrograde
What's that sound? Did you hear is? Scuttling... Simmon can't brain, Celeste does some DAMAGE, Algernon hatches a plan, and Ixi... who is that? Find out more about who may be hunting in this week's episode of Mercenaries In Retrograde!
How's hell going for our heroes? Well they're certainly learning some very important lessons! Celeste has a heart to heart with the Harbinger of Hell, Simmon fears for his (second) life, and Algernon does what he's best at! Which circle of hell do you want to stay at on this week's episode of Mercenaries In Retrograde!
No one is more ready to dive into some holes than our heroes! Simmon makes a hypothesis, Celeste goes girlboss mode, and Algernon looks pretty. Find out how well these Statistical Wonders do with a looming threat of apocalypse on this week's episode of Mercenaries In Retrograde!
The weight of a circle rests on the shoulders of one of our heroes, and the burden is being realized by the others. Simmon gets a new stim toy, Celeste has a heart to heart, and Algernon is concerned for his friend. Who is able to bare the throne on this week's episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde.
You know what they say! Home is where the Hell is! Simmon gets a wing, Celeste sees her dads, and Algernon is hot. Take a cozy lava bath on this week's episode of Mercenaries In Retrograde!
What is true? What is modified for the sake of memory? Who knows! Simmon has a heart to heart, Celeste is off being gay somewhere, and Algernon is worried about his mom. What may be changed in this episode of Mercenaries In Retrograde!
Credit to Luis Humanoide on YouTube for letting us use his music!
It's time for a skirmish! A scrabble! A fight! Celeste blows up a snake, Simmon is nervous about a party, and Algernon helps his family. Don't look into it's eyes on this week's episode of Mercenaries In Retrograde!
Statues and trees and deer! Oh my! Everything in this forest is spooky! Simmon rewinds time, Celeste is a master tracker, and Algernon finds his sister! What kind of mysterious things await our heroes in this week's episode of Mercenaries In Retrograde!
How many more Into The Woods References can one podcast take?! Simmon wants to look at giants, Celeste will not be silences, and Algernon takes the blame again! Find out how it isn't anyone's fault in this week's episode of Mercenaries in retrograde!
Serpents and Adventurers alike will love this episode! Simmon explains, Celeste bonds, and Algernon plays. What slithering secrets will be revealed on this week's episode of Mercenaries In Retrograde!
We're back where our heroes began their crazy journey for one night and one night only! Simmon goes to Ollie, Celeste visits Finch, and Algernon stop's by Alec's! Find out what our wonderful cast of side characters has been up to on this week's episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde!
Special thanks to Luis Humanoide on YouTube for letting us use his music for the episode!
This episode had our heroes screaming Oh Worm! Simmon electrocuted things, Celeste made a teleportation Circle, and Algernon doesn't know what mending does. Figure out a new way to travel on this episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde!
Our heroes are back on top and ready to get to their quest! Simmon is obsessed with a statue, Celeste is the Chariot, and Algernon buys trinkets for his friends. Find out of knowledge really is power on this week's episode of Mercenaries In Retrograde.
One wing down, our heroes are preparing to take on their target. Simmon is wingless, Algernon has many emotions, and Celeste has her chariot. Facts and feelings in this week's episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde!
We only have fun times here on MiR and definitely no emotionally beautiful moments! Simmon does some digging, Celeste tries fish, and Algernon opens his heart. What could be more beautiful than fish sacrifices on this week's episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde!
Purple Tigers? Weird flowers? Talking Dogs? What is this? The FaeWild?! Simmon, Celeste, Algernon, and Luna all solve the most difficult of puzzles on this week Episode of Mercenaries In Retrograde!
Our heroes have a heavy task placed upon their shoulder and if they fail it may be the end of the line for their adventures. Simmon goes feral, Celeste uses her princess charm, and Algernon listens intently. Who can say what happens on this week's episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde.
Once a dragon lover, always a dragon lover. Simmon finds a friend, Celeste and Luna are spices, and Algernon actually knows lore! Find out all about these funky space lizards on this week's episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde.
What could be better than a purple worm! A purple worm train! Simmon has questions, Celeste rolls bad, and Algernon contacts Taupe! Find out the facinating secrets of this train on this week's episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde!
Like a snake eating its own tale, fate goes around and around with no end. Simmon goes feral, Celeste swings in a hammock, and Algernon leans some comforting words. Unweave fate's tapestry on this episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde.
Grab a coffee and prepare for a lesson with Professor Petaldae! Simmon teaches the class, Celeste sits criss cross applesauce, and Algernon tells Irvin about his dream. Don't get over caffeinated for this week's episode of Mercenaries In Retrograde.
How does it feel to know that you're a part of something bigger? Simmon cannot find what he lost, Celeste feels like an imposter, and Algernon is the soul binding the party together. Find out who will hide their feelings in this week's episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde.
Gods and Mortals alike rejoice when our statistical wonders walk into the room! Or... maybe not. Simmon interrogates a god, Celeste keeps Simmons in check, and Algernon is mortified. Find out what those strange pulsing crystals are on this weeks episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde.
It's actually not a pirate's life for these Statistical Wonders but it is a bug's life for Simmon! Simmon and Honey talk science, Celeste is in awe of the crystals, and Algernon is worried about his boys. Find out how life could be a dream on this week's episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde.
The high seas have awaited our heroes for long enough and now it's time to strike! Simmon is a wank, Celeste flambés some eel, and Algernon shoots his shot. Find out how much damage awaits on this episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde!
Friends, Lovers, Those Secretly Married, and Those who refuse to acknowledge they like eachother, we come together today to witness the chaos that is the Statistical Wonders on a boat. Simmon is sleepy, Celeste gets made fun of, and Algernon learns some shocking news. Figure out what will become of those on the sea on this week's episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde.
Follow Simmon Petaldae, Celeste Tourmalia, and Algernon Heart as they traverse the continent of Luminoa! With their gracious (and sometimes malicious) DM Mac, is there anything these Statistical Wonders can't do? Find out as you listen to Mercenaries In Retrograde.
It's been a wild ride for our Statistical Wonders and the open seas have plenty in store for them. Simmon buys floaties, Celeste asks an important question, and Algernon becomes a pirate. Happy One Year of episodes of Mercenaries in Retrograde.
With gifts given and coffee had, it's time for our Statistical Wonders to make their way back to some old friends and family. Simmon has some questions, Celeste definitely does NOT go on a beach date, and Algernon sees his sister again. Figure out what drink you are in this episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde.
From C.R. to a barrel of monkeys to unseen servant game pieces in a game made in hell, our 50th episode has it all. Celeste knows Carly Rae personally, Simmon is hell to draw, and Algernon take a picture of bread shoes. Find out how the DM crumbles on this week's episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde.
These Statistical Wonders have defeated a great evil and come back... mostly unscathed but somethings still linger heavy on their heart. Simmon has an awkward conversation, Celeste is feeling inadequate, and Algernon has a chat with his mom. Find out who is more than just likeable on this week's episode of Mercenaries in retrograde.
Friend or foe, who knows who we are going to lose in this episode. Celeste is sobbing, Simmon is (still not) Jesus, and Algernon is not ready to let go. Find out if the tides of the battle can shift on this week's episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde!
Finally it's time to stick a nail into this fae problem and get Algernon's friend out of our hairs. Simmon hates green apple, Celeste loves fire and blood, and Algernon comes ready to tussle. Find out who's really important in this week's episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde.
We're one day out from killing the Fae and everyone is getting ready. Simmons is getting robbed, Celeste confront Beatrice, and Algernon has a messed up family. Join us at Fae's Killing Eve on this week's episode of Mercenaries In Retrograde.
What better way to spend the day than at the biggest placed of worship on the continent! Even better when you can get in for free! Simmon is in awe of a Goddess, Celeste sees her gay awakening, and Algernon confronts his issues. Play the slots with Granny Petaldae on this weeks episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde.
There is no one more colorful than a fae named Taupe! Simmon makes a deal, Celeste is scared of being grounded, and Algernon prepares to go home. Find out why we aren't clowning around on this week's episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde.
Lose or loose? Who knows how to spell anyways. Simmon is Dyslexic, Celeste has a big gay crush, and Algernon just simply into men. Find out all the things we made cannon on this week's episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde.
People say all the karma in the world cancels out! Ya know! Like PEMDAS! Simmon feels guilt, Celeste is gay, and Algernon has boy problems (again). Find out what cancels out on this week's episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde!
While some of our heroes have internal debates, others face external consequences. Simmon encodes Irvin's memories, Celeste has a breakdown, and Algernon thinks about going home. Come brave this harrowing time of healing on this week's episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde!
They do say two heads are better than one. But what about a 4 vs 2 heads fight. Simmon goes feral, Celeste is scared, and Algernon's wasting spell slots. Find out how the Statistical Wonders fight a bear on this week's episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde.
It's finally time to discuss the Archfey in the room. Simmon plots murder, Celeste leads Finch on, and Algernon feels guilty about everything. It's time to finally figure out how to deal with that pesky fae problem on this week's episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde.
It's once again theory time for the biggest nerd of our gang of Statistical Wonders! Simmon is a theory boy, Celeste learns the hot gos, and Algernon's conversation could have gone way worse. Find out how you can predict the future on this week's episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde!
These Statistical Wonders are attempting to put the pieces of this world mystery together and having a blast while doing it! Simmon goes off about Frankenstein, Celeste lovingly bullies Algernon, Algernon goes on a date. Find out how all of these end in disaster on this week's episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde!
What meaning do dreams really hold? Can you tell the future through a single tarot card? Simmon conquers his fears, Celeste tries to decide if the Shadowfell is evil, and Algernon is the next to be fate touched. Hold onto your hats and listen to this week's episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde.
When shots are taken, sometimes somethings are missed. How will our Statistical Wonders get anyone on their side now? Simmon takes Jell-O shots, Celeste is a big lesbian, and Algernon definitely doesn't know these people. Find out how many people will join the cause on this week' episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde.
What's a normal day for our heroes without accidentally starting a cult? Simmon starts a cult, Celeste is the most normal, and Algernon makes some wild accusations. Find out how the fall was a we go into the underground on this week's episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde.
Thank you to Louis Humaniode on YouTube for letting us use your music in this episode!
These Statistical Wonders are not lying to Tamara about ANYTHING what-so-ever. Simmon is not lying, Celeste throws Algernon under the bus, and Algernon does a really good job (kinda) to not sounding horny. Try to catch us in our lies on this week's episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde!
Welcome to our first Q&A episode! The first arc is complete and now it's time to answer some of our burning questions! Henri makes some bad jokes, Lark takes over, Elliot lies on their podcasting resume, and Mac is so done with all of it. See you next week for our regularly scheduled episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde!
Now that our Heroes have learned some... interesting... information about Irvin's past, how will they move on keeping this secret? Simmon takes a power nap, Celeste talks to Ben, Algernon gets pied in the face. How will these heroes ever survive the trying times here in Mercenaries in Retrograde.
These Statistical Wonders are finally getting over the horrors of the Shadowfell. Simmon has a realization, Celeste reconnects with an old friend, and Algernon gets kin assigned a cake. What secrets will this group uncover on this week's episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde!
After a rough patch last episode, our heroes are ready to form their bonds stronger and get out on the town for a fit check. Simmon gets hair care, Celeste gets a fun chair, and Algernon gets anti-hair care. The fits are rockin' on this weeks episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde!
TW: Men yelling
These Statistical Wonders have been wandering for what feels like a lifetime, now that they've settled, tensions have begun to rise. Simmon is asked to look into things, Celeste is doing her best, and Algernon gets what was coming. Grab a tissue for this week's episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde!
Do are heroes reach for the stars? Yes! Do they miss and end up in Mythelon? Also yes! Simmon reunites with family, Celeste doesn't know if she should sleep, and Algernon has a fear of heights. Find out what chaos these three get into on this week's episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde!
TW: Environmental horror, Light Body Horror What would dungeons and dragons be without some poor deals? Simmon gets some more power, Celeste is scared for her friends, and Algernon looses some power. See what the Shadowfell has to offer here on Mercenaries in Retrograde.
TW: Environmental Horror, Greif, Despair, Blood, and Bone
How do you differentiate between life and death? What is the difference? Simmon makes bird noises, Celeste has some bad news, and Algernon is there for his brother. Hold my hand tight as we delve into this episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde.
A quick reprieve is not enough for these Statistical Wonders, but they will take what they can get. Simmons does some thinking, Celeste hates dolls and cheese, and Algernon comes clean. What is next for these adventurers on this episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde.
Thank you so much to @HilltopDice for making Lark's Celeste dice!
TW: Slight body horror, ichor, trauma, meantions of emotional abuse. With Halloween just around the corner, these Statistical Wonders are trapped in the Shadowfell experiencing horrors over and over in their heads. Simmons holds his friends dear, Celeste is definitely okay, and Algernon is ,,, sexy???? Find out what is going to happen to these statistical wonders in this week's episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde.
TW: Emotional Abuse, Memories of Physical Violence, Familial Rejection, Loneliness/Abandonment, Drowning.
These Wonders try to outshine all the darkness of the Shadowfell, but sometimes it's too much. Simmon is staying alive, Celeste is scared of the dark, and Algernon goes to a party. It's dangerous to travel alone here on Mercenaries in Retrograde!
Some people crave romance and passion, other's crave a good hardy nap, Our Statistical Wonders wander their way through the calm before the storm. Simmon has a crush, Celeste falls asleep, and Algernon makes his move. As they're about to do some planar travel, join our Heroes on this week's episode of Mercenaries in retrograde.
The gang has gotten themselves into a bit of a STICKy situation! Simmon thinks of home, Celeste starts a forest fire, and Algernon becomes the healer we all deserve. Find out how you can prevent forest fires in this episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde.
Technically difficulties aside, our statistical wonders have stayed in Fleur for too long and now it's time to hit the road! Simmon crafts his theories, Celeste learns a new song, and Algernon reveals another portions of his feelings towards his friends. Listen to this hilarious encounter in Mercenaries in Retrograde.
After the shocking reveal of Algernon having a sister, our Statistical Wonders decide to spend their last night in Fleur. Simmons goes ham in a library, Celeste pinky promises, and Algernon cooks dinner. Find out all the very important lore that's cooking up in this week's episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde!
These Statistical Wonders are going to war... THE PRANK WAR. Alliances will be formed, friendships will (not) be broken, Simmon gets a doll, Celeste's plan blows up in her face, and Algernon spends time with his brother. Find out who wins in this week's episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde.
Now in a new town, our statistical wonders have finally arrived in the city of Fleur! Simmon flies for the first time, Celeste crashes into the bed, and Algernon looses his sparkle. Find out how all the lore (if you care about that) and the goofs come together in Mercenaries in Retrograde.
What's better than one natural one! Four natural ones! Simmon gets some answers, Celeste finds a friend, and Algernon has to deal with the rest of the group being menaces. Find out how Ben gets a diamond worth 300 gp without stealing it in this weeks episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde!
This whole episode is just like a barrel of monkeys! One goof hooked, onto another, hooked onto a combat, hooked onto some secrets. Celeste knows something you don't know, Simmon gets caught, and Algernon doesn't kiss and tell. Get hooked onto this episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde.
Normal nights may consist of tossing and turning. But you aren't here to listen to us have normal dreams do you? Celeste sees smiles, Simmons goes swimming, and Algernon trips in a maze. Maybe this episode will influence your dreams,,, to find out stick with us on this episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde.
Who needs therapy when you have some armor and a group of friends like this. Trauma has never taken us down before so these Statistical Wonders are eager to help anyone but themselves (minus Celeste). Simmon is wet, Celeste makes people question their lives, and Algernon sneaks a new member into the party. How do all these things connect in Mercenaries in Retrograde!
Most cities have sewers and garbage underneath it's streets. Ours have the cicada skins of the gods under it! Simmon goes full theory mode, Celeste tries to be scary, Algernon finds a rock. Whatever happens to us in this heist, you know it's gonna be wild here in Mercenaries in Retrograde.
Recording a podcast is hard. But you know what's harder? Solving our DM's puzzles. Simmons find God, Celeste has a beret, Algernon gets a new bow, and Koda has to babysit these children. Certainly nothing could go wrong here at Mercenaries in Retrograde.
Once the stores have been cleared of our heroes it's finally time to rest. Celeste wants Olive Garden, Simmons steals a ""romance"" book, and Algernon isn't bullied that bad. Find out what it all means on this weeks episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde.
Also a big apologies for 1.) The short episode 2.) The funky audio. We had a lot of issues recording this mainly due to helicopters flying over Mac's place but Editor Elliot tried to fix it the best they could!
Enjoy the Ep!
After facing this notorious BIG HAM, our group sets their eyes on the next prize,,, prepping for a heist. Simmon gets a spoon, Celeste gets a spoon, and well, Algernon too gets a spoon. Find out where all these utensils are coming from in this episode of Mercenaries and Retrograde.
How much do you think players could possibly derail a campaign? Maybe they walk off the beaten path. Maybe they torch a city. Here at Mercenaries in Retrograde, we strive to drive Mac the most insane he will ever be. Celeste cooks some bacon, Simmons cuts the bacon, and Algernon almost dies. It's time for what we've all been waiting for,,, BIG HAM!!!
Thank you to Luis Humanoid on YouTube for use of his music
As tensions rise for some, they fall for others. Completing their task, our heroes have gathered the key that they need and now it's time for theories. Simmons has a theory board, Celeste calls her dads, and Algernon has a chat with the fae. Find out how all the different events line up in this episode of Mercenaries In Retrograde!
As our Statistical Wonders travel downwards under the city, they come across an entire community that most of them had never seen. But in such a large place will they ever find the key they need? Celeste gets a flower, Simmon is Stumped, and Algernon meets an old friend. Find out what all this nonsense means in this episode of Mercenaries in Retrograde.
You know what they say, "Two can keep a secret if one of them is dead", luckily none of our heroes have ever died before. Ben becomes suspicious of something Algernon is hiding, Simmon plans a heist, and Celeste must teach her dads how to do pictures. Find out what is happening aqui in Mercenaries in Retrograde!
As our wondrous group all enjoy their time after the battle, it becomes time for the Arms to be lowered and their guest to arrive. Algernon forgets the groceries, Celeste pets a big dog, and Simmon plans,,,, something. You know! Just normal dnd things in Mercenaries in Retrograde!
What could be more difficult than facing a man eating bug? Oh yah. Meeting new people. Our heroes head back to the Resting Python and then to their own comfy beds. Simmon becomes a lore keeper. Celeste is the second coolest person alive. And Algernon rolls a 99 to attraction. Welcome to Mercenaries in Retrograde. Big thank you to Luis Humanoid on YouTube for letting us use his music!
Roll the die they said. It would be fun they said. As our group of Statistical Wonders travel down into the mines they learn new facts about each other and prepare to defeat whatever is tormenting this miner's (not minor) mine. One fact as such is that Simmon is not stealthy. Will they defeat the beast? Or become it's next meal? Find out in this episode of Mercenaries is Retrograde.
Thank you to Luis Humanoide on YouTube for letting up use their music!
Three disabled adventurers roll into a bar. This in itself some may deem strange, but The Resting Python has long been a place for adventurers and citizens of Renaissance alike to come and rest after a hard days work. But this newly formed group of Statistical Wonders (Simmon Petaldae, Algernon Heart, and Celeste Tourmalia) are ready to take a new adventure head on as they get ready to embark on their first quest in Mercenaries in Retrograde.
Thank you to Luis Humanoide on YouTube for letting us use their music.