THIS IS NOT A TEST: Recent Episodes
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I made posts here promising that “I’ll be back,” but I won’t be, not in podcast form, anyway. Aren’t there enough podcasts already? That’s a rhetorical question. There are.
When I started THIS IS NOT A TEST in 2015, podcasting was a little more niche, you could say. There were about 200,000 podcasts, which is already a lot, but only about 80,000 of those were active. In a sea of 80,000, it’s pretty easy to be seen, noticed, and get the word out about what you’re doing. It reminded me of the early web: all possibilities, no interference.
Now there are almost five million podcasts, or so I’m told, and the form has kind of been set and established. I love Marc Maron’s WTF (RIP, WTF, BTW), but not every podcast has to be an imitation of it. Just a suggestion. But that’s just another way that the evolution of podcasting mirrors the evolution of the web. Both started out wild and unpredictable, and both became tame and repetitive.
Which is cool, that’s what happens to everything, so it’s to be expected. But me, I just don’t care to foist my unsolicited opinion about everything onto whoever will listen anymore. That need kind of disappeared along with my testosterone. Draw your own conclusions from that; I know I’ve drawn mine.
Five years is a long time to do something like a podcast, and to do 130 episodes is pretty impressive for a weirdo punk trans freak of nature. In the first year, I did a new episode every week, which seems ridiculous in retrospect, because it was. They say if you do what you love as a job, you’ll never work a day in your life, but I think a rich person who never had to work a job wrote that.
Everything becomes work eventually. We can rationalize work-type work because someone usually pays us to do it. Unpaid work is the realm of the bourgeoisie, you know, those who can afford to dabble, and I ain’t that. So I bid you fond adieu and will spare you any more French words. See you on the flip flop.
I had to fix something on the site here, and I couldn’t help but notice that two years and eight months ago, I said I’d be back with a new episode of THIS IS NOT A TEST. But here we are two years and eight months later, and I’ve given you nothing.
What a terrible friend I am. Well, I’m not going to make any promises, but I will say that I’m going to an ENT on Friday to get my throat checked and see if they can figure out why I’m hoarse so often. If you’ve listened in the past, you’ve heard it. It isn’t getting any better, so I’m anxious to find out what’s happening and hopefully find a way to fix it.
Wouldn’t it be nice to fix all the things that go wrong with us when our bodies betray us? But we can’t always do that. Maybe my voice is just froggy now, and I’ll never be able to speak another podcast. Who knows. It wouldn’t be a great loss, but it would be cool to dust off THIS IS NOT A TEST and take it for a spin.
Hi dee ho and a higgelty piggelty, here we are, like old friends who’ve been vaccinated and can now touch each other again. Me? I’m waxed, vaxed, and sending a fax, because I’ve had both doses of the Pfizer juice. I got the second dose almost a month ago, and it was intense, I’m not […]
Let’s bid adieu to 2020 with a heartwarming tale of sitting on a small-town jury. Did you know adieu means “to God”? So when we bid adieu to 2020, we’re really saying, “To God with 2020,” when maybe what we really mean to say is “To hell with 2020.” Which would be to bid […]
Seems like mere minutes ago I was talking about a new theme for the site here. Well as you may have noticed, that fancy new theme is gone. Mainly because, contrary to being fancy, it was a festering piece of dogshit. Maybe the fact that the theme company was called AncientCoders should have been a […]
This one is about the demise of the Charles Bukowski forum, but then for some reason about halfway through I start talking about old-time independent record stores. Places like Three Acre Wood and Northern Lights in St. Paul, and Oarfolkjokeopus in Minneapolis. You might also hear me mention, if you listen real closely, the […]
It’s me again, and it’s high time we talked about names again, not to mention technical tomfoolery, what defines us, surviving a plane crash, employment discrimination, being an expert procrastinator, clanging, blabbing, guacamole, silence, otherness, parmesan cheese, the President of the Apes, diapers, conformity-by-necessity, outsiders, starting a podcasting school, palindromes, the world’s laziest way […]
This website has been a long white column since day one. It feels like it’s time to change that since everything else is changing. So here’s the opposite of a long white column, a haphazard hodgepodge of who knows what. A chaotic mishmash, a visual cornucopia, if you will. As the kids say. Poke around. […]
Join me, won’t you, for a lively discussion about disorganized garages, Denmark, girls with a baseball bats on their shoulders, broccoli, being pregnant without a husband, fluoride, Flip Wilson, wigs, unnatural amounts of contrast, the pinnacle of beingness, umbrella acronyms, chainsaw juggling, a nice pair of shoes, kids, rejuvenation, murder games, Casper the ghost, […]
Well, I missed the first Saturday of the month again. Do you know what PHP is? No? Consider yourself lucky. PHP is one of the things I use to build most of the websites I’ve built over the past 24 or 25 years. That and MySQL databases. The thing is, the PHP I’m in the […]
What’s in a name? Everything, apparently. Let’s talk about names. And maybe accidentally touch on Google, bread lines, band flyers, getting married and losing your identity, inventing names, self-fulfilling prophecies, a heart surgeon named Becky, serial killers, recording studios, videos, Led Zeppelin, Dynasty hairdos, Target smocks, Devo, subversion, eating on $2 a day, cages, […]
Spring brings the Western Tanager, Earth Day, The Flintstones, Vietnam, food from the future, whales, protest, unenlightenment, the tools of oppression, laws, tribes, DNA, COVID, the great Liberal machine, foxes, lizards, cocktails, misdirection, the CDC, guano, mankind, newspuppets, the solution to everything, Girl Scout cookies, the pendulum, chipmunks, pretty shoes, Questlove, Santana, the Monkees, […]
It’s springtime, so let’s talk about…COVID-19? That discussion is unavoidable, yes, but don’t forget about jackrabbits, owls, coyotes, hazmat, malaria medicine, sensitivity, self-fulfilling prophesy, mascara, gourds, bunkers, Coven, Bob Marley, Aussie twats, an abundance of caution, social distancing, paid vacations, ramen noodles, toilet paper, Instagram, water, karaoke, skin, national parks, desert tortoises, ravens, garbage, […]
Terrified of catching a cold? Don’t be, I’ve got you covered. Calm yourself by listening to my reassuring voice lulling you into an alpha wave-rich state of near catatonia by talking about hawks, burritos, cruise ships, toilet paper, Ira Glass, Portlandia, the death of half of the human race, super Tuesday, civil war, collapsed […]
Hi, remember me? I thought you might like to talk about dogs, jobs, moms, flying kites and Jolly Rogers, sleeping on pool tables, corn, Mai Tais with Buddha, white Christmas, metadata, Showtime at The Apollo, which Sex in the City character are you?, getting old, Christmas music, Van Morrison, The Wailers, fistfights, puppetheads, Joe […]
And here I am again telling you, “Not this time, hombre.” I was looking forward to speaking to you today, but some savage bastard a dentist ripped a molar out of my head a few days ago, and non-essential talking isn’t a super attractive prospect at the moment. Besides, I just got my nails did, […]
The fine and wonderful folks at Apple changed the iTunes categories for what appears to be no reason, and when I updated my feed to adapt to those changes I must have changed something else that made iTunes drop the podcast from their listings completely. I think I’ve fixed it, but we’ll see.
Let’s talk about air travel, airplanes, and people, and maybe also the Eiffel Tower, the Grand Canyon, Palm Springs in the summer, LAX, a deep, hacking, ugly cough, Pringles, pretzels, vodka, pasta salad, La-Z-Boys, Mountain Dew, nuns, flowy peasant blouses, iPods, Tunis Air, half-price fajita night, tuberculosis, and the joys of a good mani/pedi. […]
This morning I did something to this site and broke it. Then I broke it again, and now it’s fixed. I think. What broke was an old (old) theme that I’d built a child theme around. I knew the day was coming because the parent theme has been defunct for years now, but you know […]
Allow me to regale you with more tales of packing up and moving, the Kingdom of Nye, the end of the road, Los Angeles, the high desert, America’s Next Top Model, the 60 freeway, LAX, the Milky Way, leaf blowers, Bedouins, mountain biking, Germans, landlords, cucumber water, and how Instagram is destroying the National […]
It’s the first Saturday of the month, that’s what time it is, and that means a brand new episode of THIS IS NOT A TEST! Usually. But not today, brothers and sisters. I am still digging out from under a(nother) house move, and I just can’t at the moment. But I’ll be back as soon […]
Hi. I’ve always been honest with you, except when I’m lying, so I have to say that I recorded this episode and put it on the shelf because I didn’t think it was good enough. “Good enough” being a subjective term, of course. But as it happens, I’m packing to move (again), which means […]
Sound the alarm, now you can get your THIS IS NOT A TEST fix on Pandora. You can find it by searching for – you guessed it – THIS IS NOT A TEST on the Pandora Android app. I suppose that applies to the iPhone as well, but I don’t have any iAnythings to check […]
This episode starts with a bang and just keeps bangin’ ’till the cows come home. LOL! LOL! We will discuss Jah Himself, hippies, Mahtomedi Minnesota, aliens, beaver, curry, secret handshakes, Toughskins, ski jackets, the birth of the puffy jacket and its early victims, living in your cousin’s basement, the leather store, the perfection of […]
In this ear-crushing aural assault on the senses, artist and author Carol Es talks to us on the day her debut memoir Shrapnel in the San Fernando Valley is published. Okay, it’s not really an “ear-crushing aural assault on the senses,” it’s just an interview, but lend a crushed ear to hear about Carol’s […]
Let’s talk about the earth, humanity, science and yes, maybe also work in 20 book reviews somehow: “Scar Tissue” by Anthony Kiedis, “Hit So Hard” by Patty Schemel, “Gold Dust Woman” by Stephen Davis, “There’s No Bones in Ice Cream” by Sylvain Sylvain, “The Most Beautiful: My Life with Prince” by Mayte Garcia, “Complicated […]
Let’s get right to it, shall we? Or rather, let’s not get right to it, let’s start this one with a poem. Then let’s talk about mixtapes, sliders, memories, smells, silence that isn’t really silence, limitations, your mother’s shoes, tweens, soccer moms, Young Adult fiction, the Sundance film festival, veal, Hindu gods, Springsteen on […]
Happy new year, here are some mixed nuts. And, since a balanced diet is important, have a little helping of 9/11, Black Lives Matter, trolling the aisles of CVS, the mathematics of grocery shopping, human history, deadly peanut allergies, Janeane Garofalo, Michael Che, Celiac disease, The New England Journal of Medicine, the most kick-ass […]
You know how sometimes you tweak your neck somehow and the damn thing hurts for days (and days and days) and you’re walking around looking like Lurch or Frankenstein because you’re moving the whole top of your torso from side to side just to avoid moving your head from side to side? I have that. […]
It’s raining in Los Angeles, so we may as well talk about formative years, Bangladesh, mittens, waterlogged La-Z-Boys, Blue Mountain coffee, English muffins, Bordeaux, procrastination, what it means to be human, Facebook and other modern afflictions, Alex Jones, conspiracy, shirtless weeping, the Roman Empire, truth and science, Jesus himself, Nixon himself, Woodrow Wilson, selling […]
What is it about beer, or any alcohol, really, that makes us so…I don’t know, wonderful? Okay, it doesn’t make all of us wonderful, I’ll give you that. Some people shouldn’t be allowed to drink. I certainly shouldn’t have been allowed to drink when I was a young man, but no one stopped me, […]
Join me, won’t you, on an action-packed cross country bicycle trip that I undertook a few short decades ago, in the America of the late 1980s. Weren’t those glorious times? What with the Cold War, the Reagan presidency gracefully pirouetting into the Bush presidency, Iran-Contra, Oliver North, revered statesman Dan Quayle, precious baby Jessica […]
And a one and a two and a here we go, off into the wild blue yonder of the Malibu coastline, with wine, exes, freeway traffic, sophistication, $10 couches, real money, dog catchers, Thomas Brothers maps, helicopters, Elizabeth Shue in a leather skirt, bacterial infections, hard-boiled eggs, sweat, darkness, garbage, shrubbery, pregnancy, hospitality, Cheech […]
For your following pleasure. That Google+ link is the same as it’s always been, but you’re not on Google+ anyway, so it’s probably a moo point. You probably should be on Google+, but that’s neither here nor there. There’s no Facebook link because…Facebook, no. And yes, I know that Instagram is Facebook. They’ll all be owned […]
Okay, this one is all over the place, but that has its own charm, doesn’t it? I mean, don’t you want to talk about dogs, crushing heat, megastorms, science (and the ignorance thereof), Gwyneth Paltrow, Jesus, geniuses, the home schooled, Lil Wayne, AA meetings, limp escapism, rock stars, resistance, complacency, Sam Kinison, Roseanne, Woody […]
Tune in to my interview with artist and author Carol Es and hear what she has to say about her recently completed memoir, Shrapnel in the San Fernando Valley, and turn on to a strongbox full of gold, Yahweh Ben Yahweh, the Kardashians, hyphens and en dashes, the evils of Scientology, bad luck and […]
What the hell, let’s take a chainsaw to royalty, the desert, aliens with oversized heads, crazy glue, usenet, Airstream trailers, diplomas, fat and lazy cover bands, crushing and demoralizing your enemy, pig flesh, pigskin, loving it or leaving it, Amnesty International, smokescreens and the rise of the machines. We’ll talk about 14 of those […]
Here, how about some Jade Bird, some signs of life, some Bob Dylan, some…country music? No. Some Shakespeare, Jimmy Fallon, Arrow de Wilde, cesspools, how art and culture are really life itself, Stephen Hines’ “the late season” book, undercurrents and undercutting, Jackson Pollock, Prince, 5 Hour Energy Drink, Western society, Victorian days, Leaving Las […]
In which and wherein I proceed to speak on subjects as confounding and diverse as particles, time, unemployment, maximizing one’s potential, training chickens, meaning and purpose, milk trucks, the pervasive mystery of Atlassian Confluence, rhythm, mojo, management philosophies, buying and selling, Joe Strummer, Lake Woebegone and the End of the Road in Homer Alaska, Craigslist, […]
I’ve been trying to get the show onto Spotify ever since they started serving up podcasts, but you can’t just stick your show on there, they have to decide to take it. It’s been so long since Libsyn submitted it for me that I kind of forgot about it, but I see that some time […]
This one may sound a little weird because it’s the first episode recorded in the new studio (a.k.a. the spare bedroom of the house we just moved in to). Try to ignore the echo and instead just revel in the hilarity of bronchitis, 768 Kbps Internet, rain on cardboard boxes, hustlers and con artists, […]
Oh Canada, the San Gabriel Valley, LSD, white bread, the Oscar race (pretty sure he’s white – har har), the wonderful and marvelous (and now dead) Joe Frank, the proximity effect, Craigslist again because apparently I’m a masochist, and last but not least on this abbreviated episode for an abbreviated month: how I became […]
This episode is two days late for reasons which may reveal themselves when you listen. And who wouldn’t want to listen to a scintillating discussion about deviled ham, touring Prince’s home and recording studio Paisley Park – a cotton candy Barbie dream condo if ever there was one, landlords, looking for a new job, […]
Over the river and through the woods, to Bukowski’s house we go. This is just me talking about what it was like there, and how I wound up there. It’s a brief tale that I thought you’d like to hear. But don’t let it inspire you to go to Bukowski’s house uninvited. That wouldn’t […]
Getting an email from Gene Simmons, why young boys must rock, spending fifty thousand dollars on a collection of outtakes, getting onto a cruise ship with really old rock stars, spending $250 on a collection that is basically The Beatles dicking around for 80 hours while being filmed, Ektachrome 500, the miracle of HAP (again), […]
I come fully prepared to talk about supper clubs, The Hat Pack, the futility of it all, professional locksmiths, unprofessional landlords, professional “contractors,” ladders, distinctive tape measures, flashlights and sticky fingers, flying buttresses, Appalachia, apes painting window trim, you and your stereo and how great you are, whether or not it’s socially acceptable to call […]
We may as well talk about modern-day lynch mobs and public shaming, that Nazi rally in Charlottesville, Twitter, getting “good PR” by piggybacking on a tragedy, censorship, Godwin’s law, Trump bulldozing people into mass graves, remembering the days of the free exchange of ideas with no governing body, Nazis having trouble finding online homes, riding […]
Amble down the path with me, if you will, toward finishing the writing of books, promoting and getting reviewers to read said books, plastic, and metal, pushing birds out of nests, motors with moxie, selling window fans, oral histories, Roger Steffens and Bob Marley, faulty and fragile memories, tipping over a street vendor’s cart because […]
I have the best of intentions when I record these, but sometimes things just get away from me. So I’m not sure what this one is “about,” but aside from what’s listed in the title you’ll also hear about PJ Harvey again (including never-before heard audio from an interview I did with her 10 years […]
I caught PJ Harvey’s “The Hope Six Demolition Project” tour at the Greek Theater here in Los Angeles. Allow me to tell you about that, and about psychic space, outdoor music shows, croaking for dollars, staying relevant in the face of increasing waves of nostalgia, First Aid Kit and Fiona Apple, retiring from live shows, […]
46 reviews in 50 minutes? How is that even possible, you may be asking. No wonder they call it an extravaganza! Well, that’s what this is. Maybe not an extravaganza, but 46 reviews in 50 minutes, as advertised. Though, honestly, it may be more of an opportunity for me to complain about what I don’t […]
I set up a phone number to use for recording interviews, but I probably won’t ever use it for that, seeing as this isn’t really an interview kind of joint (well, okay, with the exception of Carol Es, Mat Gleason, and Hosho McCreesh). But since the number is there I may as well open it up […]
This episode is ostensibly about Snapchat taking over all the buildings in Venice, but it’s really just an excuse for me to tell stories about living in Venice – where the debris meets the sea – a long time ago. You know, that and mucus, khakis, “Silicon Beach,” wombats, sticky carpets, sleeping bags, Sanford and […]
Hi. Remember the beginning of the last thrilling episode, when I told you I was at the end of a week-long head and chest cold? Turns out I wasn’t. I spent another week or so sleeping pretty much around the clock and trying not to tip over from dizziness when I was awake. That put somewhat of a crimp […]
Chaos and disorder fall upon a nation while millions march in the streets demanding…something. I’m just not sure what. So we may as well talk about protesting. And snakes, hot coals, stereo speakers, being polite, agitating, Century City, Reagan, patchouli, which hats are in fashion, Vietnam, the ERA, diet Coke, catastrophe and emergency, hypocrisy, mental […]
It’s Bukowski time again, sort of, and along the way we may or may not touch on hair again, hopping on pop, nuclear winter, Ronald Reagan, “Baby, it’s cold outside,” Christmas songs, Cap’n Crunch, slapping broads around, male privilege, Rudy Vallee, amplified ants, Vietnam, the looming Trump era as a glass-half-full kind of thing, how […]
You didn’t think I’d let this presidential election pass without saying something, did you? Well, actually, I had hoped to, but the whole thing didn’t exactly turn out the way a lot of us had hoped or expected, so here we are. As you may have noticed, the truth took a beating in the campaign […]
Thrill to the description of my DNA test results, and stay on the edge of your seat as I also provide grandiose oratory on Bob Dylan’s Nobel prize, Leonard Cohen, Tony Orlando, Casper the friendly ghost, tar and feathers, lefse and lutefisk, astrology, whimsy, turpitude, sushi, Eve, culture wars, old white men, ISIS or ISIL […]
On Thursday night Cat Stevens played a 50th-anniversary show at the Pantages Theater in Hollywood. If you couldn’t be there I have the rundown for you. Transcript
Bright ideas, Amazon reviews, everyday miracles, McMansions, Mark Lewisohn, anything for a quid, reading on a Kindle, how many books are too many, bar bands, Mozart, Ron Howard, take me out to the ball game, comparing politicians to pop groups, our magnificent political system, the fog of nostalgia, Chairman Mao, back hair, outsiders, your savior, […]
I had a hard time titling this one because I’m more all-over-the-map than usual. I blame this brutal non-stop heat wave of a summer. But if you take a chance you will hear about soaking electronics in beer, the last VCR, digital cameras, the future, Ludwig von Köchel, (not) paying $150 for a CD, charming […]
Bunny Wailer: Blackheart man, soul rebel, ruler of dancehall, legend. Plus Garbage – the band, not the stuff out behind your house – pink hair, people looking old before their time, Madonna, orthopedic shoes and K-Mart t-shirts, The Wailers, avoiding night flights, Madison Square Garden, electronic reggae, that rapper that Prince used, the Electric Slide, […]
I know it’s not time for the monthly episode yet, but I just wanted to pop in, say hi, and talk about white people and black people in America. Just a little light-hearted chit chat about race. Don’t be scared. We’re all friends here. Transcript
It’s hot outside – here in the northern hemisphere, anyway – so let’s talk about the San Gabriel mountains, the Sahara desert, soldering, female foxes, marketing things to women, painting guitars pink, Elektra Records, Jac Holzman, accidental business, jug bands, the Stooges, odd pieces of art, West Hollywood, isolation and a short story called, “Good […]
You have to wonder about things like guns, and June Gloom, the LGBLT community, preaching love, calling things “the worst in U.S. history,” Wounded Knee, your high school history book, wars, genocide, subjugation, cupcakes, immigrants and queers, throwing rocks at politicians, gun control, unemployment checks, Kickstarter, the emperor’s new clothes, swimming upstream, fluffing up your […]
Here we go with the three day weekend, vacation, the near-impossibility of relaxation, Richard Nixon, gadgets, machines and thing-a-ma-bobs, fainting couches, VARIDESK, regular desks, making things disappear, harboring a grudge, robots, brain surgeons and grocery baggers, lanyards, key cards, backstage passes, Royal Crown Cola, spaghetti, the Clash, broom closets, elaborate props, the Rolling Stones, Donald […]
I’m going to talk about my job for a minute, just because, but we’ll also talk about landlords, moving, the Mars rover, rejuvenating a 13 year old website, repetition and tedium, baby seals, crafting a lovely box, Cinderella, feeling ridiculous, magical thinking, talking goats, unicorns, the NATIONAL ENQUIRER, TMZ, rat kings, big-gulps, incubators, Paisley Park, […]
Was Prince a genius? Hmm, good question. Let’s talk about having 50 albums worth of unreleased music in “the vault,” and some of the crazy, before-its-time shit he did when he was alive. Giants walk among us. Or at least they used to. You might also hear me say words about things like the Ostrich […]
Let me tell you about bumping in to Prince on a Minneapolis street corner, but first we’ll probably talk about, oh, I don’t know, hair removal, P.J. Harvey, record reviews, taking a writer’s word for something, Rock Steady, big mailboxes, Siskel and Ebert and where their thumbs have been, the Christgau Consumer Guide, artistic merit, […]
Maybe “hate” is too strong a word, but we’ll also go to Space Mountain, talk about wasting time, the smart way to do things, Richie Havens, literary magazines, how long “forever” is on the Internet, the answer to some people’s dreams, your AOL connection, The Knucklehead Chronicle, baby frogs, an uncaring universe, taking the small […]
When you listen to THIS IS NOT A TEST you are not “consuming content,” 40 year old pictures, satin bell bottoms, Bob Ezrin, record stores, the roar of the greasepaint, the smell of the crowd, Pet Sounds, insufferable twats, music floating on the breeze, ticket scalpers, being easily entertained, cardboard boxes full of cassette tapes, […]
Are we sure we want a cashless society? Are we sure we want to hear about Victorian-era language, Ripley’s Believe It Or Not!, delivering mail, buildings made from a single tree, Fiji Mermaids, Odditoriums, teenage vampire novels, working dogs from the UK, casinos, Taco Bell, the genius of credit card companies, above ground pools, iris […]
In this episode I call your parenting into question, try to be dignified, compare myself to famous explorers, scratch my head over kids who wear costumes for no reason, call you into question for letting the kids wear costumes for no reason, change diapers, witness a spoiled prick playing Minecraft, call home schooling into question, […]
Good is great, perfect is not, also, having the Zika virus, taking a vacation, having a stroke at work, Mat Gleason’s “Modern Art Blitz” and Internet TV shows in general, Jay Leno, join the professionals, McDonald’s mozzarella sticks, striving, astral planes, Internet millionaires and other numbskulls, rules, prog-rock creeps, hurdy gurdys, confetti, swing, NASCAR, injection […]
Bukowski, Bukowski, Bukowski! And let us not forget civil servant weirdos, resisting the draft, spending all day in a bar, paying child support, living on a park bench, having a different kind of brain, fear of public speaking, skin magazines, TMZ, art generated by companies, critical mass, shaking your bush, the foolhardy and ultimately fruitless […]
Wondering about David Bowie, hair, catastrophes, cheese blintzes, Powerball, being struck by lightning, little house on the prairie dresses, sand in your shorts, Bob Dylan in a cowboy hat, Iggy Stooge, using to mirrors to see yourself from behind, pale meat, fermentation, wigs, psychologists, nostrils, living in basements, reinventing yourself, how to look a man […]
Blabbing about CBGB, Lemmy from Motorhead, making up new words, 20/20 hindsight, attitude and inspiration, being in the right place at the right time, chess, flophouses, saloons, sewage, little black boxes full of people, bass guitar strings and their durability in the face of continued abuse, the Longhorn in Minneapolis, moping (not mopping), lying around […]
It’s the most wonderful time of the year, right? So let’s talk about Christmas, the fine family of Unilever companies, year-end lists, crying kids and sweaty dads, nostalgia, shoveling brains, the disco 70s, the characters on Mad Men, the old man sitting in the corner, prisons, carnies, dead Blue Whales, paying an extra dime to […]
Let’s talk about when it’s time to give up. And while we’re at it we may as well talk about professional hand models, deep tissue massage, the counterculture, Oprah, the rising tide that raises all boats, how lazy poets are, sure fire money-making schemes, a better way to store sweaters, Sumi-e painting, Japanese hammers, bible […]
Including thrilling tales of riding bikes up the side of mountains, financing the Napoleonic Wars, “monetizing” every human, sending the nanny to CVS in a chauffeur-driven Bentley, Mork from Ork, the last can of beans in Pasadena, mental illness, speaking to the unborn, sashaying in the halls of Congress, marking the passage of time, Pizza […]
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Okay, but what do I need to eat to keep the insurance company away? Also, maps, taking a shower, Richie Havens, rabbit holes, incompetent doctors, the condition known as “Heisenblatt shoulder,” living on the high side of normal, treadmills, torturing people and measuring how their bodies react, […]
Art vs. commerce – as Bukowski wrote in Barfly, “Ah, the eternal question! The eternal answer? I don’t know.” But not knowing the answer to a question has never prevented me from doing this before. I’ll talk about a lot of other things I don’t have any answers for too, like terrorism in Paris, forcing […]
We’ve all done it, bought a song – or an entire album – that we already have. Do you blame technology or marketing? While we ponder that we’ll also ponder getting your arm chopped off in big piece of farm equipment, chance, luck, chaos, the Pope, opinions, monkey meat, The Beatles, The Monkees, Victrolas, 8-tracks, […]
Self-publishing – what is it? Why should you care? Well I don’t know, why should you care about anything? But if it doesn’t interest you, we also have renovations, elevators and what people write in them, pissing, the possibility of executing certain types of people (not you), housewives and uneducated dandies, being deemed worthy, Thomas […]
Rock and roll, who’s game is it? I can tell you. And what about Halloween? What’s up with that? Plus a love letter to Sonny Vincent, hate mail to prog rock, the joys of mindlessness, paternity suits, being the captain of your own pirate ship, walking a cat on a leash, interesting hats, true believers, […]
The title is a quote from Homer Simpson, but don’t we find our truth in our comedy? While we talk about work we’ll also gossip about commuting, the skyway system in St. Paul, Bob Marley, counting songs, Greek philosophers, Martin Luther, farming, disease and death, Indians, craftsmen, the rise of the machines, factories, labor unions, […]
On tap today: collecting things, completism, Catcher in the Rye, TV Guide magazine, bottle caps, cat-eye sunglasses, Circus, CREEM and Rock Scene magazines, box rattlers, sealing things in hard plastic, View-Master, King Tut, silver dollars, binding sniffers, Mantle rookie cards, Electro Harmonix pedals, The Wormwood Review, The Wailers, Elvis tie racks, being no-nonsense and domesticating […]
Do you believe rumors? Of course you do. Where do they come from? Word has it we’ll also talk about kinescopes, spinning plates, being an eternal optimist, seeing ghosts, your Facebook feed, P.T. Barnum, Internet arguing, the liberal media, briefly trying to be good Lutherans, Rastafarians, being a feminist, a dictator’s stock in trade, pollen […]
An oral history of my Teeth. Yes, teeth! Just one of life’s wonders and horrors that we all share. And you can’t talk about teeth without talking about Thunderdome, science and technology, surviving on 2 liter bottles of Coke and bowls full of jellybeans, stumps and crowns, implants (dental, not breast), royal decree, things you […]
An admittedly biased one-man oral history of the Guerilla Poetics Project, including tricky vampire doctors, sharks, unknown poets, databases, voting blind, Ginsu knives, explaining Netflix to a monkey, swag, pawn shops, mysterious collectives, going viral, human nature, ending strong, the extinction of retail book stores (maybe), vinyl LPs, The Beatles fan club and minor miracles. […]
An inebriated “interview” with author and artist Hosho McCreesh. Including discussion of telephones, Hot Pockets, the Guerilla Poetics Project, pre-established familiarity, Four Roses bourbon, apology and explanation, leaving your balls at Disneyland, buying fake purses in Juarez, all jobs are lousy, people who use typewriters are assholes, the shrinking world of the aging, binding books […]
This Facebook thing, think it’ll catch on? Also, gay marriage in Kentucky, cats are henchmen for the dark overlord, knock-off Prada bags, Soviet apartments, geocities, pictures of car wrecks, chosing convenience over quality, hedge funds, the Holstee Manifesto, five thousand dollar bicycles, mystery meat, snake oil, those Victorian-era bikes with the giant wheels, taxidermied deer feet, 80 year old hammers, wiping your ass with a corncob and Ben Franklin. Links mentioned […]
Okay, let’s talk about The MTV Video Music Awards, Chrissie Hynde’s book interview and the Internet’s reaction to it, and The Pageant of The Masters, which is something you’ve probably never heard of, but you’ve got to hear about it. And yes, I will also say a thing or two about the Oscars, the Wu-Tang […]
Trevy Felix of Boom Shaka and his companion Nelly Stharre were found dead on August 19th in the burned remains of the house where they lived in the hills of Dominica. Trevy was a friend for almost 30 years, so here’s a little remembrance. Transcript
Today I’m going to read you a story. Sit back, relax. Put your feet up. Pour yourself a tumbler of tequila or Bärenjäger. Get into your jammies. Or whatever you do. Transcript
Listen while I extol the wonders of aging and sing the praises of getting up and doing the same thing every day, running naked through the streets, retirement, pensions, GOD testing Job, people who “don’t see color,” being in your 50s, filling up the Internet, the best place to sit or stand at a concert, going […]
Let me tell you about First Aid Kit, and what it was like when I saw them perform the other night. Let me also tell you about the Inland Empire, cult-speak, living in a Walmart parking lot, plowing the same fields over and over, sibling vocal harmony as competition, authenticity, suffering for your god, the […]
What happens when I’m part of the audience at a live Big Brother TV show. Not to mention, blown tires, wobbly CV joints, drifting, soggy in New York, Ed Sullivan, The Beatles, punk cred, the L.A. river, Julie’s boudoir, the angriest white man in America, amping up the excitement level, lemonade, grade school pictures, how […]
For almost 7 months THIS IS NOT A TEST has come to you directly from my Los Angeles kitchen. Now it will be coming to you from about five feet away from the kitchen, in the dining room music room/library of my palatial rented estate. This was part of a comprehensive kitchen table reclamation project. […]
Misadventures in trying to give things away on the Internet. Also: dicking around, vacations, text messaging, ridiculously humid days, lying about your name, setting fires in your front yard, people at the post office, bubble wrap, the customer is usually wrong, the Recycler, that TV show about guys up in Maine buying and selling and […]
Let’s talk about clothes. We all wear them, we all love them. You do love them, don’t you? Along the way let’s also mention humidity, the people who really run shit, guacamole, Chinese boots, caves and castles, going topless, Victorian era women, flappers, frozen steaks, Comic-Con, Captain America, mouth-breathers, subcultures, fishermen, black jeans and Babylon. Transcript
It’s time to get to the bottom of Charles Bukowski’s “10 year drunk” and many other Bukowski myths. Also, taking it easy in Greece, Pearl Harbor, meditation, BMWs, expensive wine and a veritable slew of new Bukowski books due out later this year. Links mentioned in the episode: The senseless, tragic rape of Charles Bukowski’s ghost […]
The primary goal of many podcasters, whether they have an audience or not, is to MONETIZE their CONTENT. To make money from the podcast. Just this week I read a post from a charming young lady in a podcasting community asking for tips on MONETIZING her podcast before she’d even produced one episode. The absurdity and […]
It’s the 4th of July, what better day to talk about independence. We’ll wave the flag and maybe talk about some other things, like the President, Marc Maron, Rolling Stone and the Rolling Stones, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, Joan Jett and the Runaways, the Sex Pistols and Green Day, blowing shit up, refusing to kiss the king’s ring, weasels, politicians, tough […]
TED, changing the world one robot at a time. Also, Big Brother, camping, Comic-Con, the Rolling Stones, the south pole, smallpox, selfies, throwing shade, and ice cream on my nose. Links mentioned in the episode: Google spreadsheet listing every TED talk Transcript
I love autobiographies and I love rock and roll in all its many hairy permutations, so what could be better than reviewing a stack of autobiographies written by musicians? That’s a rhetorical question, I’m going to do it anyway. By chance I may also speak of Rachel Dolezal (again), Compton’s Most Wanted, White Indians, survivalist cults, Saturday Night Live, jumping […]
Thrill to the new sound of me talking about Rachel Dolezal, dreadlocks, our old friend the Internet, Bob Marley and the Wailers, the Vocoder, the tinny clang of the 80s, electric guitars, triggers, metal kids, mistakes, Gramophones, fuzzy noisemakers, the Mellotron, Guitar Center, Louis Armstrong, transcendence, cocked wahs, bagpipes, and momentum. Transcript
Well, I have a little chest congestion, so forgive the slight wheezing as I talk about President Obama, the Los Angeles Clippers, fast forwarding, neighbors, construction, This Old House as porn, people who are good at what they do, working on Sunday, the history of sticking windows into walls, the ceiling of the Sistine chapel, chatty Cathy, the Los Angeles Philharmonic, corrugated fiberglass, Styrofoam heads, evidence of a […]
Starring Mary Ellen Mark, Bukowski’s LouJon press books, book art, letterpress, getting your hands dirty, kissing the paper, manual typewriters, nostalgia, home tanneries in Brooklyn, synthesizers, late 50s Les Pauls, craftsmanship, Kalamazoo Michigan, robots, green wood, perpetual motion, Detroit steel, making rich people more rich, buying Bukowski’s boyhood home, gentrification, turning all of Los Angeles […]
If you listen very carefully you may also hear me say something about ripping CDs, Google Play Music, The Philadelphia train wreck, the World Trade Center, Hiroshima, Jesus H. Christ, Antonio Villaraigosa, death, The American Journal of Psychiatry, communism, chicken pot pies (oh wait, I didn’t talk about that, I’m just really hungry right now), […]
Kickstarter, Patreon, tip jars, donate buttons – some days when I’m bouncing around the web it feels like I’m idling at a freeway entrance ramp and the entire web is a cardboard WILL WORK FOR FOOD sign. I may also mention things like B. B. King, Charles Lindbergh, PayPal, fan sites, scanner bulbs, lyric sites, bots, forums, crime, gauze, […]
You really deserve a gripping, original podcast every week. One where I’m rhapsodizing about something I love but that you just don’t understand, or me frothing at the mouth over (a perceived) grievous social injustice. That’s what you deserve, but this week I’m going to read you a bit of a book I’m working on […]
You may also hear me talking about office chairs, Malcolm Gladwell, technical people not being great communicators, baking pies, fundamentalism, the death of white America, dinosaurs, carbon, Rodney King, living in a cave in the desert, heads on pikes, Mad Max, Goethe, and Mozart. Transcript
I might also mention airport security, the lack of seasons in Los Angeles, VCRs, fish heads, what I would do if I was smart, the Pony Express, Mark Twain, Costco, giraffes, world travel and sitting and doing nothing. Transcript
Also in this action-packed episode: The Podcast Awards, what entrepreneurs do, chickens, gas stations, bars, rock concerts, and room service hamburgers. Transcript
I’ll be here at the New Media Expo until Friday. Usually, by Friday I’ve already recorded the show for the week, but that’s not going to happen this week. You know, since I’m 275 miles away from my microphone. All of which is to say that the show may be late this week.
Why do we name things the way we do? How do we come up with the terms we use every day? Language is a funny thing. I’ll also talk about asbestos, pizza, the military, news people, ASMR, scientists, stink bugs, audiophiles (again), Dianetics, being uneducated, Deadwood, artist’s statements, belonging, communicating, and the rise of our evil canine […]
This one is about the Podcast Awards (yes, that’s a real thing), but I might also mention Carol’s art show, NMX, NAB, what conferences and trade shows really are, Las Vegas, desperation, The Rose Parade, The Webbys, Smurfs, and a few other things along the way. What can I say, my mind wanders. Transcript
In part two of my interview with iconoclastic Los Angeles art writer and gallerist Mat Gleason, we talk about art schools, MFAs, philosophy, Catholic school, Nietzsche, Goldman Sachs, capitalism, mercantilism, consistency, selling out vs. sneaking in, loyalties, art about art, artist’s statements, Nicole Panter, CalArts, the cost of transparency, Art World Boot Camp, Tower Records, President Reagan and […]
In part one of my interview with iconoclastic Los Angeles art writer and gallerist Mat Gleason, we talk about the Los Angeles punk scene, The Atomic Cafe, the new paradigm, SST Records, the South Bay, conservative culture, art-as-time-machine, feminism, diversity, tolerance, Greg Ginn, Mike Ness, Mr. Brett Gurewitz, prog rock, The Misfits, the burden of […]
Reality TV. You love it. You hate it. You watch it. Admit it. There’s no shame in it. Really. Stop beating yourself up. Transcript
Marley Natural is a new company created to sell legal herb with Bob’s name on it. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Links mentioned in the episode: Live Talks L.A. Transcript
This is it, the only Oscar ceremony wrap-up you need. Forget the big networks, and even the tiny networks that no one watches, like E! You don’t need them. I cover all the bases, every category, every wonderful minute of Hollywood’s greatest night! You don’t want to miss it. Transcript
The strange and terrible world of unboxing videos, Facebook, the Book of Revelations, Heaven’s Gate, Marketing, Betamax recorders, Internet communities, the discomfort of silence, and more. Links mentioned in the episode: World’s first unboxing video Hosho McCreesh Transcript
How does one live simply when there is so much junk everywhere? It’s a first-world problem, having too much stuff, I know. But here I am talking about it anyway. On the way to that subject, you’ll also get to hear about how to be an awesome podcaster, landlords, eBay, yard sales, people in the 1920s, […]
According to Wikipedia (my favorite source for quasi-truth and hamfisted misinformation), an Internet troll is: a person who sows discord on the Internet by starting arguments or upsetting people by posting inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community with the deliberate intent of provoking readers into an emotional response or otherwise disrupting normal […]
Carol: “What’s your podcast about this week?” Me: “Oh, you know, it’s about how CDs sound better than records, stuff like that.” Carol: “What? You’re crazy, I think you’re wrong…” Me: “I know, everyone thinks I’m wrong.” But hear me out. Maybe I’m not completely crazy. It’s funny, a lot of people sold, gave away or threw […]
Who am I? That’s not an existential question, though I suppose it could be. But it occurs to me that many of you who are listening to this may not know much – or anything – about me, so you might rightfully wonder why the hell I’m here foisting my views and opinions onto an unsuspecting and […]
Turns out I was making the audio files way too large. Twice the size they needed to be. So I’ve remedied that and replaced all of the existing episodes with their thinner and more chic counterparts. If 64k is good enough for NPR and the BBC, I suppose it’s good enough for us here. I’ll figure this […]
Wherein I talk about disco, Mad Max, the music business, Louise Brooks, disillusionment, boredom and death metal bands. Transcript
Wherein I speak to artist Carol Es about artists being put into boxes, process, music, the value of art and risk taking. You can (and should!) check out her art right here.
Wherein I lay the sad tale of the senseless, tragic rape of Charles Bukowski’s ghost by John Martin’s Black Sparrow Press at your feet. Do with it what you will. You can read more about the subject here.
Wherein I introduce myself to you and attempt to explain what This is not a test will be. Or what I hope or promise it will be. No guarantees implied. Set your expectations to LOW and hop on. Glorious.
This is where the mjp Books THIS IS NOT A TEST podcast will live in 2015. Preparing for takeoff. THIS IS NOT A TEST is brought to you via the magic of the Internet, and with the help of Heil PR 40, Audio-Technica AT2035 and Shure SM58 microphones, a humble TASCAM DR-40 digital recorder, the Soundcraft […]