The Widow Podcast : Recent Episodes
Karen Sutton
The Widow Podcast is for people experiencing the loss of a life partner, who are looking for hope and support whilst navigating their way through this traumatic life event. If you're feeling stressed, anxious, confused, as if you're just existing day by day or you've felt isolated, disconnected and lonely in widowhood and want to find ways to manage your grief more positively, this podcast is for you. Hosted by Karen Sutton, The Widow Coach, widow and mum. She'll share the emotional and practical ways to come through the trauma and take steps to begin to thrive. This is the show for you to learn how to accept your emotions, gain a sense of hope and give yourself permission to create a life of peace and balance. You'll discover coping strategies and personal development tools that take you from those dark places to much brighter days. We understand your grieving process and the pressures of bereavement here at The Widow Podcast.
Join Karen for a recap of the episode’s in season 2 of The Widow Podcast.
There have been so many powerful conversations, insights and stories shared with us through the guest speakers this season.
While we have different experiences, belief systems, upbringings and different people around us, when you bring people together that are going through something similar, magical things happen.
Listen as I discuss:
- How we can become more resilient in our grief
- Finding joy, peace and hope after loss
- The importance of self-care, self-compassion and self-discovery
- Healthy ways to express grief
- Finding a supportive community that understands your grief
Resources:
-
Join my Free Facebook Group ‘Widowed and Rising’ https:// www.facebook.com/groups/widowedandrising
-
Find me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/karensuttonwidowcoach
-
Find me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/karensuttonwidowcoach/
-
TikTok http://www.tiktok.com/@karensuttonwidowcoach
- Twitter https://twitter.com/KarenWidow
- LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/karensuttonwidowcoach/
- YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNgKpAqSpEdQV2zYJIPaHvg
- My website https://www.karensutton.co.uk/
How do we find meaning and purpose in our life as a widow?
As you navigate your way through your grief one of the first steps will be to decide what kind of life you want to create for yourself that is meaningful and purposeful.
The road may be rocky and so in this episode I invite you to reimagine a future that can look meaningful.
Listen as I discuss:
- The first steps to creating a meaningful and purposeful life
- Stepping out of your comfort zone to try something new
- Reimagining your goals and dreams
- Finding Purpose in the smaller moments of life
- The importance of self-compassion, self-discovery and a supportive community
Resources:
- Join my Free Facebook Group ‘Widowed and Rising’ https:// www.facebook.com/groups/widowedandrising
- Find me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/karensuttonwidowcoach
- Find me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/karensuttonwidowcoach/
- TikTok http://www.tiktok.com/@karensuttonwidowcoach
- Twitter https://twitter.com/KarenWidow
- LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/karensuttonwidowcoach/
- YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNgKpAqSpEdQV2zYJIPaHvg
- My website https://www.karensutton.co.uk/
What does year two of widowhood look like? This is a topic that comes up a lot, especially in the first year of widowhood as we anticipate what’s next.
That’s why I asked two members of my program, Finding Hope In Widowhood, to share their experiences of their second year in widowhood.
In our conversation we unpack the differences between year one and year two, what it looks like and different people's experiences of it, to help you process it, understand it and hopefully fear it less.
Listen as we discuss:
- Wendy & Shannon’s experiences getting through the first year of grief
- What support really looks like and how vital it is in widowhood
- Finding a sense of belonging and community with other widows
- Building a relationship with grief while continuing to move on to find peace, joy, connection and love in life
- How grief can change as we move through our journey into the second year of grief
- Tips on how to deal with grief
Resources:
- Join my Free Facebook Group ‘Widowed and Rising’ https:// www.facebook.com/groups/widowedandrising
- Find me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/karensuttonwidowcoach
- Find me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/karensuttonwidowcoach/
- TikTok http://www.tiktok.com/@karensuttonwidowcoach
- Twitter https://twitter.com/KarenWidow
- LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/karensuttonwidowcoach/
- YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNgKpAqSpEdQV2zYJIPaHvg
- My website https://www.karensutton.co.uk/
Rosie Freeland, the host of The Widowhood Podcast, talks about her journey through becoming a widow and how podcasting has helped her move to share her experience and talk about the challenges and expectations that society puts on those who lose their partner.
Rosie tells her story of her husband passing and how she found her way as a single parent with the support of her friends and family.
Listen as we discuss:
- Experiencing hospice and being there for your partner in their final days
- The difference between the first and second year of grieving
- Parenting on your own after the loss of your partner
- How her relationships with friends and family have been impacted
- What’s next for The Widowhood Podcast
Resources:
-
Join my Free Facebook Group ‘Widowed and Rising’ https:// www.facebook.com/groups/widowedandrising
-
Find me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/karensuttonwidowcoach
-
Find me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/karensuttonwidowcoach/
-
TikTok http://www.tiktok.com/@karensuttonwidowcoach
- Twitter https://twitter.com/KarenWidow
- LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/karensuttonwidowcoach/
- YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNgKpAqSpEdQV2zYJIPaHvg
- My website https://www.karensutton.co.uk
When those around you tell you you’re being so brave, you're doing so well, we are so proud of
you, is your first instinct to say, ‘What choice do I have?’
As a widow the grief we endure often leaves us feeling we have no choice in what we do or feel.
In this episode we’ll discuss:
- How to overcome the opinions of others
- How to start looking at all the good choices we are making
- Re-learn a new way of thinking about choices we make in our day to day life
- A simple way to reframe the words we use in order to shift how we feel
Resources:
-
Join my Free Facebook Group ‘Widowed and Rising’ https://www.facebook.com/groups/widowedandrising
-
Find me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/karensuttonwidowcoach
- Find me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/karensuttonwidowcoach/
- TikTok http://www.tiktok.com/@karensuttonwidowcoach
- Twitter https://twitter.com/KarenWidow
- LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/karensuttonwidowcoach/
- YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNgKpAqSpEdQV2zYJIPaHvg
- My website https://www.karensutton.co.uk/
When will I feel better? This is a question most widows ask after losing a partner. The truth is, no one knows how long grief will last. Some people find peace within months. For others, the journey can take years. We can all agree that nothing can replace your person, but that is not reason enough to lose hope.
If you feel like there is no hope in your journey through widowhood, remember your person has died, but your love for them has not. You can continue loving them and honouring them and in time, it will become with more love than pain.
In this episode, we'll discuss how to find hope in widowhood. Tune in to learn how you can honour your loved one and create a life you truly love again.
What You'll Learn:
- How to process grief with hope
- Understand that your grief is not permanent
- Do not become a victim of your grief
- How to build a relationship with your grief
- Learn to remember your person with more love than pain
- Why you need to take full responsibility for your grief
- What meaning are you attaching to your grief?
Resources:
- Join my Free Facebook Group ‘Widowed and Rising’ https://www.facebook.com/groups/widowedandrising
- Find me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/karensuttonwidowcoach
- Find me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/karensuttonwidowcoach/
- TikTok http://www.tiktok.com/@karensuttonwidowcoach
- Twitter https://twitter.com/KarenWidow
- LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/karensuttonwidowcoach/
- YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNgKpAqSpEdQV2zYJIPaHvg
- My website https://www.karensutton.co.uk/
How long should grief last? For some people, 12 months may still feel as fresh as the first day. For others, a month may feel like everything happened a lifetime ago.
A lot of people are shocked by how different the stages of grief can look like. But what every widow learns to understand is that grief takes work. It's not something that just goes away on its own. Time might heal a broken bone, it might heal a cut on the skin, but time alone doesn't heal wounds of the hearts.
In today's episode, we'll break down the myths of how long grief should last and the steps you can take to comfortably navigate the different stages of grief.
What You'll Learn:
- The hard truth about the timeline of grief
- Understanding the different types of grief
- How to navigate the second year of widowhood
- How long it takes to rebuild a life worth living
- Why time does not heal grief
- How you can continue to love your person after death
- Why you need to stop comparing your grief
- How to process grief with love and patience
Resources:
- Join my Free Facebook Group ‘Widowed and Rising’ https://www.facebook.com/groups/widowedandrising
- Find me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/karensuttonwidowcoach
- Find me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/karensuttonwidowcoach/
- TikTok http://www.tiktok.com/@karensuttonwidowcoach
- Twitter https://twitter.com/KarenWidow
- LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/karensuttonwidowcoach/
- YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNgKpAqSpEdQV2zYJIPaHvg
- My website https://www.karensutton.co.uk/
How soon is "normal" enough for a widow to start craving intimacy? Is it even possible to have a genuine desire for someone new after the death of a loved one? The simple answer is yes. But unfortunately, widowhood has traditionally been constructed as an asexual period. A widow may look to move forward, but not without the risk of being judged. A widow may crave intimacy from another, but not without feeling guilty.
So, how can widows find space in their hearts to be intimate with somebody else and still love and grieve their person?
In this episode, we'll discuss sexual desires and the loss of intimacy in widowhood. We'll also go through some practical tips to help you reconnect with your desires and rediscover your sexuality.
What You'll Learn:
- The loss of intimacy after the loss of the loved one
- Understanding sexual desires in widowhood
- Insecurity and the thought of being with someone else
- The tragic traditions of widowhood
- The guilt of wanting to explore intimacy with someone else
- Why having your needs met is the key to happiness
- How to create meaningful connections with those around you
- Be aware of your feelings and actions during grief
Resources:
- Join my Free Facebook Group ‘Widowed and Rising’ https://www.facebook.com/groups/widowedandrising
- Find me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/karensuttonwidowcoach
- Find me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/karensuttonwidowcoach/
- TikTok http://www.tiktok.com/@karensuttonwidowcoach
- Twitter https://twitter.com/KarenWidow
- LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/karensuttonwidowcoach/
- YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNgKpAqSpEdQV2zYJIPaHvg
- My website https://www.karensutton.co.uk/
As weird as it sounds, jealousy during grief is normal. It's certainly not malicious jealousy, neither is it jealousy that causes anger or outbursts. But it's real and many of us feel it after losing a loved one.
The big question is, why do we feel so jealous of people who still have their loved ones? Why is jealousy such a big part of the grieving process? In today's episode, we'll talk about feeling jealous in our grief and how we can use our jealousy to appreciate the good times we had with our person and learn to cope with our emotions.
What You'll Learn:
- Understand that guilt is normal in widowhood
- Why grief is more than just sadness and tears
- How to familiarise yourself with the process of grieving.
- Why we feel jealous of other people's happiness
- Feeling jealous doesn't make you a bad person
- All your feelings are valid during grief
- Avoid judging yourself for feeling jealous
- Differentiate between normal and irrational jealousy
The truth is, grief and jealousy are closely intertwined. The jealousy you feel is an ache for the love of your person. We think of jealousy as a negative trait, but in reality, it's the most vulnerable part of ourselves asking to be heard.
Resources:
- Join my Free Facebook Group ‘Widowed and Rising’ https://www.facebook.com/groups/widowedandrising
- Find me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/karensuttonwidowcoach
- Find me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/karensuttonwidowcoach/
- TikTok http://www.tiktok.com/@karensuttonwidowcoach
- Twitter https://twitter.com/KarenWidow
- LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/karensuttonwidowcoach/
- YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNgKpAqSpEdQV2zYJIPaHvg
- My website https://www.karensutton.co.uk/
One of the most unsettling emotions during grief is guilt. People feel guilt for several reasons, many of which don't make sense. Unfortunately, grief has a way of manifesting toxic personal blame and shame. In today's episode, we'll tackle why we're likely to feel guilty after the loss of a loved one. We'll also explore the roots of guilt and learn how to break free from its claws.
What You'll Learn:
- The role of guilt in grief
- Why guilt is a normal part of grief
- How to let go of your perfectionist tendencies
- Learn to accept you have very little control over what happens in your life
- How attaching grief to your pain will keep you stuck
- The first step to making sense of your grief
- How to change the "what if" into an "even if"
- How to grant yourself the gift of forgiveness
- Finding comfort in friends and family
After losing a loved one, it's very easy to look back with hindsight and recognise the things we didn't do well enough, the things we should have said, or the things we could have changed. But actually, all these feelings only distract us from everything we did to love and support our person.
Resources:
- Join my Free Facebook Group ‘Widowed and Rising’ https://www.facebook.com/groups/widowedandrising
- Find me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/karensuttonwidowcoach
- Find me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/karensuttonwidowcoach/
- TikTok http://www.tiktok.com/@karensuttonwidowcoach
- Twitter https://twitter.com/KarenWidow
- LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/karensuttonwidowcoach/
- YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNgKpAqSpEdQV2zYJIPaHvg
- My website https://www.karensutton.co.uk/
Whether real, imagined, or received from interactions with people in their lives, grieving widows often feel like a burden to those around them. When internalised repeatedly, these messages can cause people to conclude that their physical and emotional needs are invalid. Yes, our grief is our responsibility. Yes, we have to take responsibility for our grief because nobody's coming to save us. But that doesn't mean we have to do it alone. In fact we can’t do it alone, we cannot heal in isolation.
In today's episode, we discuss how widows can reframe that feeling of being a burden to others after losing a loved one. We'll also go through unique ways you can use to ask for help without sounding overly needy.
What You'll Learn:
- How to accept that you are not a burden as a widow
- What carrying the weight of widowhood means for you and those around you
- Your grief is your responsibility
- It's okay to reach out for help during mourning
- How to become more comfortable asking for help
- Why carrying grief doesn't always get easier
- How to acknowledge that you are worthy of support during grief
- Why you don't have to go through grief alone
Remember, people want to help, and those who genuinely care about you don't see you as a burden. You have a burden; a burden that is too heavy to carry on your own.
Resources:
- Join my Free Facebook Group ‘Widowed and Rising’ https://www.facebook.com/groups/widowedandrising
- Find me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/karensuttonwidowcoach
- Find me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/karensuttonwidowcoach/
- TikTok http://www.tiktok.com/@karensuttonwidowcoach
- Twitter https://twitter.com/KarenWidow
- LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/karensuttonwidowcoach/
- YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNgKpAqSpEdQV2zYJIPaHvg
- My website https://www.karensutton.co.uk/
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Almost everyone has heard about the five stages of grief. However, these 5 stages were first proposed in 1969, which is why many people question their relevance in today's world. Plus, despite their popularity, grief researchers have continuously demonstrated that everyone handles grief in their own distinct way. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, the creator of the 5 stages of grief, herself said it was never meant to be prescriptive; it was meant to be descriptive.
So why are people still following a framework that is obviously not correct?
In this episode, we'll talk about the five stages of grief and the controversy around them. We'll also discuss frameworks to help you explore your emotions the best way you see fit after the passing of a loved one.
What You'll Learn:
- The 5 stages of grief explained
- Controversy and myths around the 5 stages of grief
- The evolution of grief
- Understand that grief isn't linear
- Why it's impossible to understand somebody else's grief
- The thin line between grief and clinical depression
- Do people experience all five stages of grief?
- Mindset shifts to help you ride the waves of grief
Resources:
- Join my Free Facebook Group ‘Widowed and Rising’ https://www.facebook.com/groups/widowedandrising
- Find me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/karensuttonwidowcoach
- Find me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/karensuttonwidowcoach/
- TikTok http://www.tiktok.com/@karensuttonwidowcoach
- Twitter https://twitter.com/KarenWidow
- LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/karensuttonwidowcoach/
- YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNgKpAqSpEdQV2zYJIPaHvg
- My website https://www.karensutton.co.uk/
Grief is the human body's natural response to loss. It's the emotional pain you feel when the person you love is taken away. Although we'll all grieve at some point or another, grief is very personal. It's not neat, nor is it linear. It doesn't follow any scripts, deadlines or schedules. You may become angry, cry, withdraw or feel lost. But none of these things are abnormal or wrong; everyone reacts to loss their own way.
In this episode, we'll discuss feelings and reactions to a significant loss, with the goal to help you understand that all your feelings are valid.
What You'll Learn:
- Why grief is often chaotic and messy
- Physical symptoms of grief
- Understanding the shock of losing a loved one
- Learning how to find joy during times of grief
- How to face the reality of your loss
- It's normal to sometimes feel relieved after a loss
- Guilt during grief is a normal but unnecessary burden
- Trust that your body knows how to grieve
Remember that, although nothing can replace your loved one, you can gradually find a way to continue with life, while remembering the dearly departed with more love than pain.
Resources:
- Join my Free Facebook Group ‘Widowed and Rising’ https://www.facebook.com/groups/widowedandrising
- Find me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/karensuttonwidowcoach
- Find me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/karensuttonwidowcoach/
- TikTok http://www.tiktok.com/@karensuttonwidowcoach
- Twitter https://twitter.com/KarenWidow
- LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/karensuttonwidowcoach/
- YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNgKpAqSpEdQV2zYJIPaHvg
- My website https://www.karensutton.co.uk/
There's a lot of advice out there about grief, but most people fail to understand that grief is personal and that there's quite a mixture of feelings involved. For example, when your spouse dies, you may feel numb, confused and fearful. You may feel angry at your spouse for leaving you. You may even feel guilty for being the one who is still alive. I'm here to tell you that all these feelings are normal. And because grief is a personal experience, there is no right or wrong way to mourn.
In this episode, we talk about grieving the proper way and why there's nothing wrong with you, even if people find your grief "weird." You have every right to grieve your way, grieving fully AND living fully.
What You'll Learn:
- Why there is no wrong or right way to grieve
- Living again after losing a partner
- Why you need to stop trying to escape the pain of grief
- How to remember your partner with more love than pain
- Give your grief the time and space it needs to heal
- How to build a healthy relationship with your grief
- People don't recover from grief, and that's okay
- Understanding the nature and evolution of grief
In your grief, it's really important to listen to what people have to say with an open mind. Take what feels good based on where you are in your journey and how you're feeling. But at the end of the day, grieve your way, the best way you know how.
Resources:
- Join my Free Facebook Group ‘Widowed and Rising’ https://www.facebook.com/groups/widowedandrising
- Find me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/karensuttonwidowcoach
- Find me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/karensuttonwidowcoach/
- TikTok http://www.tiktok.com/@karensuttonwidowcoach
- Twitter https://twitter.com/KarenWidow
- LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/karensuttonwidowcoach/
- YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNgKpAqSpEdQV2zYJIPaHvg
- My website https://www.karensutton.co.uk/
Regardless of age, a partner's death can be one of the most challenging events in a person's life. What saddens me most is when I see people expecting too much of themselves too soon. Navigating life without your partner is a process that takes time. And how you use that time is crucial to your ability to adapt and cope.
The good news is you don't have to do it alone.
My name is Karen Sutton, I’m a Widow Coach and the host of The Widow Podcast. In this podcast series, I'll support you through the loss of your life partner, so you can find a more positive avenue to navigate your grief. My mission is to give you hope after loss, to help you understand that everyone's grief is unique, there’s no right or wrong way, and that in time, it is possible for us all to create a meaningful life after loss. In today’s episode, I talk a little bit about the Widow Podcast, who it's for, what it can give you, and some practical tips to help you move toward healing.
What You'll Learn:
- Understanding the trauma of losing a life partner
- Why you must allow yourself to grieve
- How to gain a deeper understanding of your grief
- How to take back control of your life after a loss
- The drawbacks of living in a grief-illiterate society
- Why it's okay to feel a mixture of emotions after a loss
- Why you should never compare your grief with the grief of others
Remember, the death of a partner is not just about the loss of their physical presence, it’s much more than that. Moving forward is not a quick and easy process, it will take longer than you want, or even expect, it to, and this will be difficult for those around you to fully understand. It's your grief, and you have the right to sit in it however long it takes.
Resources:
- Join my Free Facebook Group ‘Widowed and Rising’ https://www.facebook.com/groups/widowedandrising
- Find me on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/karensuttonwidowcoach
- Find me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/karensuttonwidowcoach/
- TikTok http://www.tiktok.com/@karensuttonwidowcoach
- Twitter https://twitter.com/KarenWidow
- LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/karensuttonwidowcoach/
- YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNgKpAqSpEdQV2zYJIPaHvg
- My website https://www.karensutton.co.uk/
When your husband dies you are thrown into a world you no longer recognise and you have no idea how you’re going to get through the next five minutes, let alone the next five days.
So what do you do now? This is the big question and something I want to talk about here in this episode.
There really are few things in life as painful as the death of a spouse and there will be times when you won’t know how you are going to survive this, or even if you want to some days.
Grief is an umbrella term for the amalgamation of the most powerful and painful emotions. It will affect you physically, mentally, emotionally, socially and spiritually, but I want you to know that everything you experience is natural and valid.
Do what feels right for you. Full stop.
Find people that you can grieve with, people that can hold space for your loss and witness your grief, this is a fundamental need but often doesn't get met.
Let your feelings guide, they are information if you can listen to them.
Be kind to yourself, you will hear this a lot so let’s explore what this means a little.
You won’t want to hear this bit, but this is all going to take a lot longer than you expect it to, or even want it to. You’re not doing it wrong, this is grief sadly.
I speak to so many people and read so many posts where people talk about the fact they hate having to call themselves a widow.
It wasn’t long after Simon died that I realised I was a widow myself, at 39, but I did not feel hatred for the term, even though it meant my husband was dead.
The term widow does not define who you are, it is a label that describes a part of your life, not your whole life.
I am actually proud to be a widow, I feel honoured to be Simon’s widow, it is an absolute privilege.
If you struggle with the word widow, if it adds more discomfort to your grieving journey that you just don’t need, take a listen to this podcast and learn how to think of it in a different way.
You are going to love this conversation, Heather is so honest and open in this episode and shares so much wisdom you will have a few aha moments I’m sure.
Heather shares her story of loss from when her husband, and childhood sweetheart, Larry died in 2018. Heather had to believe that her life could be good again after Larry died, the alternative was not an option for her.
Heather believes we have to reframe our reality and redefine things now we are widows.
Everything is so different after we lose a life partner, we are different, so how do we rebuild and re-invent ourselves and our lives so we can feel good again.
This can feel like a daunting idea, accepting that our lives will be different and we will be different. It is uncomfortable and it fills us with fear, so how do we overcome this?
How do we intentionally create feelings that will move us forward rather than perpetuating our suffering, how do we make choices that allow us to live again?
As a widow we are constantly navigating so many decisions in our lives, from the grocery shopping to the finances, from which side of the bed to sleep on to what we do with the ashes, from how do we be both mum and dad to how do I get some peace? It’s relentless, no wonder we’re exhausted.
Heather gets it, she understands and she has the tools to help us reframe our reality, so we can reduce our suffering and be that strong independent person we were before we were thrown into the world of grief.
Enjoy xx
If you want to follow Heather you can find her here on Instagram;
This week's episode is a conversation about blending life as a remarried widow and how it works for Jess and her husband Don.
Jess’s first husband Justin died tragically in 2014 when their son Jax was just three days old.
Jess moved back in with her parents and sold the family home whilst she worked through grief and being a new mum.
Around sixteen months after Justin died Jess decided to dip her toe in the dating pond, which led her to meet her now husband Don, about two years after Justin died.
We talk about the challenges of dating as a widow and also what kind of a person you need to be to open your heart to dating a widow.
Jess shares the importance of knowing your worth and having that inner confidence and belief that you can find someone good again. She shares the challenges her and Don have faced and how to blend parenting in a new relationship.
Meeting someone new is learning to love two people at once, it’s not always easy but it’s worth it for sure.
I am so thrilled to be able to share this conversation with you, Jo is such a beautiful soul and I absolutely love talking to her, I could have carried on for hours.
I feel like Jo is a kindred spirit, her energy is so warm and full of optimism. I just wish we lived closer and could be friends in real life.
Jo’s husband Craig died at home in the middle of the night from an asthma attack in 2017. Jo talks very openly and honestly about how she navigated that first year of her grief, and how differently she tells her story now compared to then.
After fighting the inevitable changes loss brings to our lives, Jo shares how she learnt to surrender and allow what was to be, ultimately learning how to grow around her grief and open her heart to new possibilities and opportunities.
We talk about the challenges of supporting grieving children, how relationships with our children change and the strong bond we can sometimes feel that may not have previously been there.
Jo tells us about how she learnt to trust herself and her ability to make decisions again, how she dealt with the identity crisis we all face and how she finds Joy in her life now.
So much of what Jo said in this conversation resonated so deeply with me, It was like she was talking about me at times, so I know you’ll feel the same.
If you want to follow Jo on instagram you can find her here;
https://www.instagram.com/jo.betz/?hl=en
And if you’d like to buy, or gift somebody, a copy of Jo’s journal here is the link;
https://www.jobetz.com.au/products/grief-a-guided-journal
I am thrilled to be able to share this conversation with you as it is so inspiring. Dana is a widow, cancer survivor and founder of The Forced Joy Project, and here she shares so much from her own journey through widowhood you can’t help but feel inspired by her.
Dana’s husband Brad died in January 2017 and since then it has become Dana’s mission to inspire and empower others to find joy in the midst of grief, teaching people to embrace the joy, even during times of great sadness.
The Forced Joy Project is a community of people who are willing to share in life’s brightest and darkest moments, which is something I love to do in my groups and what attracted me to Dana in the first place.
Dana shares with us where the inspiration for The Forced Joy Project came from, how she dealt with her early grief and the changes she made in her life after Brad died.
We talk about what Brad taught Dana and how she takes that forward with her honouring him in her new life, the importance of creating space for our grief and how it feels to be widowed with no children.
We also discuss how we learn to trust our intuition, the choices we make in life and how we have to ‘do the work’ in grief, plus the world of dating!!!
It really is jam packed full of wisdom, hope and compassion, Dana is a woman I admire hugely and I know you’ll get so much from listening to this. Enjoy.
If you want to follow Dana on Instagram click on the link below;
https://www.instagram.com/forcedjoyproject/?hl=en
And here is a link to her book of stories,
https://www.forcedjoyproject.com/book-of-stories-intro
When we lose a life partner there are so many secondary losses but there’s one loss that often goes unnoticed and is hard to share with others, this can leave us feeling very alone and sometimes quite ashamed.
The loss of intimacy is a real loss, being touched, hugged, kissed or sexually fulfilled leaves us with a huge void. We were in a loving relationship with our person and all of a sudden they’re no longer here, but our feelings are still very much alive. We have wants, needs and desires that are no longer being tended to.
I wanted to talk about this important topic in this episode to help normalise these feelings, to open up the conversation, and to let you know that you are not alone in how you feel.
Whether you decide to act on these desires or not is absolutely ok, but whatever you decide to do make sure it’s not adding to your suffering.
Be aware of how you’re feeling and what’s driving you to make the choices you’re making, find somebody you can talk to that you trust, and know that all your feelings are completely valid.
The worries you have about the possibility of another partner are common, the guilt you’re feeling towards your person when you have these desires, and wondering when the time is right to explore intimacy again is something we all think about.
Learning to connect with ourselves and discover who we are is one of the most important factors I believe we need to work on. Building a healthy relationship with ourselves is at the heart of our healing journey, and it’s no different when it comes to the subject of intimacy.
I am so thrilled to be able to share this conversation with you as Lauren offers so much hope and wisdom from her own widow journey. I know a lot of it will resonate.
Lauren has shared her story on her instagram page @imsorrywerefriends which is where I first met Lauren a couple of years ago and have continued to be inspired by her.
Lauren's Husband Kevin was tragically killed whilst out cycling with friends in November 2019 and their son Lawson was only 14 months old at the time.
In this conversation we talk about the shock and devastation brought on by the sudden loss of a life partner and how our grief evolves over time.
Lauren tells us how there were times she felt claustrophobic in her own body, that nothing felt natural but how connecting with other widows helped her find her way, feeling seen, heard and understood.
We talk about;
Jealousy,
Panic attacks and depression,
Loneliness,
Finding joy,
Choosing to suffer,
Honouring your person,
Dating.
Lauren spoke about so much in this episode that truly resonated with my own journey, discussing how we are able to grow through our grief and use the lessons to help us create a meaningful life after loss.
This week's episode is an especially poignant episode as I speak to a very brave and special lady about the reality of navigating death in life.
Diane reached out to me as she has been listening to the podcast to give her the reassurance that after her own death, her husband, son and loved ones will be able to carve out a new and happy life for themselves.
Diane is living with metastatic ovarian cancer and wanted to come and talk about the reality of living with cancer from her own lived experience, as the patient, and the grief and loss she is experiencing and what she wishes for her loved ones when her time comes.
Diane openly shares how her work as a palliative care clinical nurse specialist, has helped her face her own diagnosis, and be able to talk about the things a lot of us would find very overwhelming and distressing.
That’s not to say it’s easy for Diane, far from it, but it provides a coping strategy allowing Diane to talk about it in a professional capacity stepping back, for moments in time, from the reality she is talking about herself.
However, in this podcast Diane shares a lot of her own grief within her diagnosis, how she feels about death and dying, and the reality of saying goodbye to those she loves dearly.
We discuss;
The different ways people grieve,
Anticipatory grief,
Guilt,
New relationships in widowhood,
The importance of communication,
Hopelessness and depression,
Existential crisis,
The healing power of nature,
living with uncertainty,
What death looks like,
And wishes for her loved ones in life after loss.
I have to say, this is one of the most powerful conversations i’ve had, and one of the bravest. Diane is incredible, her wisdom, kindness and openness offers so much to so many and I feel honoured to have been able to share this time with her.
As Diane so eloquently states, live life simply, find joy in simplicity, look for the good, find gratitude and always be kind. Wise words we could all learn from.
Thank you so much for your time Diane, it has been an absolute pleasure.
If you wanted to reach out to Diane or find one of her support groups here are the links to all her offerings.
Website: https://dianeevanswood.wordpress.com/
Podcast “Living with Ovarian Cancer Podcast” which is available on all usual podcast platforms: https://anchor.fm/diane-evans-wood
Cancer Support Group can be found on Facebook here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1428310030743872/
Diane Evans-Wood on Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/diane.evans.773
Instagram - Faery_realm: https://www.instagram.com/faery_realm/
What we expect from ourselves and what is reality are often two very different things in grief, specifically widowhood.
In this episode I explore some of the more common expectations we place on ourselves Vs what’s realistic.
These are things I have learnt from my own journey, but also from what i’ve seen when working with widows in my groups and on a 1:1 basis.
I talk about;
How we expect life to carry on as it was,
Expecting ourselves to have all the answers to everything,
Expecting ourselves to be mum and dad,
Expecting nobody to have a say on how you grieve,
Expecting the grief to be better within a certain time period,
Expecting those around you to know how best to support you,
Expecting grief to always look like sadness and pain.
We’re not always aware of the expectations we are placing on ourselves, they are subconscious. They are learnt from others but we take them on as our own beliefs without questioning them.
What I want to do is help you bring awareness to some of your own beliefs and expectations, and ask yourself the questions, Are they realistic, are they fair, are they kind?
Once we create this awareness we can learn how to be a lot kinder to ourselves in our grieving journey.
In this week's episode of The Widow Podcast I am honoured to be talking to special guest Kendra Rinaldi.
Kendra is the host of ‘Grief, Gratitude And The Gray In Between’ podcast, which explores grief that occurs at different times in our lives and the gratitude that can come from growing through it.
This is a podcast not just about death, but acknowledges all the changes and transitions that shift our life.
Kendra Lives in Texas now but is originally from Columbia where she grew up as one of four siblings. At the age of 21 Kendra’s younger sister died suddenly in a tragic car accident shifting Kendras life and everything she knew.
Ten years later in 2006 Kendra’s first pregnancy sadly ended in miscarriage, and then ten years after that in 2016 Kendra’s Mum died of pancreatic cancer, after being diagnosed nine months earlier.
We talk about so much;
Anticipatory grief,
Continuing bonds,
Beliefs around what happens next,
Having our grief witnessed,
allowing the emotions,
Waves of grief,
How others respond to our loss,
What grief teaches us,
Expectations,
The importance of talking about our losses.
We cover so much and to be honest I could have talked to Kendra for so much longer, I hope you enjoy listening to this conversation as much as I enjoyed having it.
Grieving positively is often a term people don’t understand.
It is not about dismissing grief, or minimising it, on the contrary, grief is hard work and has to be felt. It’s about learning how to support ourselves, mentally, physically and emotionally in the best way that we can.
As a society we are not good at meeting our needs, or caring for ourselves throughout life and its challenges.
We keep on pushing through, we have ridiculously high expectations, and we can be our own worst enemies.
The idea is not that there is a right way to do this, or that you have to be perfect at it, it’s about learning how to lean into your needs, and learn the tools to support yourself throughout your healing journey.
There is no right or wrong way, there is only your way, and you have to learn how to find your way through your grief in the most positive way that you can
Grief is now a companion for life and we need to learn how to nurture ourselves through it in a kinder way, without expecting ourselves to be perfect.
This week I had the privilege of speaking to the lovely Shalini Bhalla- Lucas who was widowed in 2016 when her husband Jeremy died after a two year battle with cancer.
This propelled Shalini into a long battle with depression which led to her considering taking her own life.
It was at her fathers funeral eighteen months later that Shalini realised two very important people in her life had fought so hard for their own lives, yet here she was not making the best of her own, so she decided to turn things around there and then.
We talk about Shalini and Jeremy’s relationship and how that resulted in Shalini being estranged from her family for twelve years, the moment they were told there was nothing more that could be done for Jeremy, and how Shalini ensured Jeremy had a loving death allowing him to go peacefully.
Shalini shares how she dealt with the first year of widowhood and how she leant heavily on alcohol, food and painkillers to numb the pain, but then went on to turn it all around by making different choices.
We also cover;
- Life lessons
- Is happiness a choice?
- Online dating
- Discovering you again
- Guilt
- Self judgement
- Giving yourself permission
- Making changes
- Finding love after loss
- Everything being different
Shalini has the most incredible and inspirational outlook now and wants to help those in the darkest of places see that there can be light again, but we have to work through the pain first.
‘We are able to find purpose and positivity in pain, and happiness can be cultivated if we want to create it, if we can give ourselves permission to let it in. If we can learn to open our heart, our mind and our soul, magical things can happen.’
This conversation will offer you hope, wherever you are in your journey, because we have to hold onto hope at every step, it will help guide you through and Shalini offers it in bucket loads here.
If you would like to listen to Shalini’s Tedx talk, order one of her books or follow her on social media please click on the following links;
TEDx https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VEyLgHFAxTQ
Engage https://youtu.be/3QbTM9cR94s
Amazon Books https://www.justjhoom.co.uk/books/
Website: www.justjhoom.co.uk
In this episode we are talking about our person's possessions.
I get asked a lot, ‘When should I clear out their stuff’?
This is something that adds a lot of confusion, upset and pressure onto us in our grieving journeys.
Others tell us we ‘should’ clear out, or move their stuff because it’s been too long.
However, as with everything in grief we have to remember that we are all different, and we should never feel pressured to do things a certain way or within a certain time period.
I share my own story in this episode of what I chose to do with Simon's possessions, not because that’s the right way, just because that was what felt right for me.
What I've learned is that there’s only really one thing to consider when we are thinking about sorting through our person's belongings, and that is to ask ourselves whether it is serving a purpose or is it prolonging the pain?
If seeing the slippers by the door, the toothbrush in the bathroom, or their wedding ring on your finger is bringing you some comfort, and helps you feel connected to your person then that’s a positive thing. However, if every time you see this it adds to your pain, causes you greater sadness or feels like a stark reminder of their absence then maybe it is time to reconsider.
Debbie lost her husband Paul in March 2018 when he had a heart attack whilst at the local gym, he was 53 years old and left behind Debbie and their two daughters, Kelly and Jodie who were 23 & 27.
The shock and devastation catapulted them all into a life they did not know or understand, but Debbie’s incredible outlook, and sheer determination not to become a victim of this tragedy, has led Debbie to a place where she feels she can embrace her widowhood and what that brings.
I have watched Debbie flourish over the last eighteen months and it has been incredible to see, she truly is an inspiration and so much of what she says resonates with me and my story, I felt compelled to ask her onto the podcast so she can share her story with you.
You will learn a lot from this conversation. It is heartwarming and uplifting, offering hope, comfort and an understanding that what you are feeling right now is not permanent. Debbie shows us that it is possible to look forward, and believe that the future can be good again, whilst still loving and honouring your person.
- We talk about embracing those around you
- Learning to build a relationship with your grief
- The power of journaling
- Figuring what works and what doesn’t
- Acceptance
- Being the sole keeper of shared memories
- Secondary losses
- Hope
- What grief teaches us
As Debbies so eloquently put it, “People say time heals……. but I think healing takes time”.
It really does, take a listen to this wonderful conversation so you too can learn how to use your time to help your healing journey.
We can all learn from Debbie and I just know you’ll love her as much as I do.
I am delighted to share with you this week's podcast guest, straight-talking, no-nonsense, self-development coach Holly Matthews 🎙️
Holly is the founder of ‘The Happy Me Project’, helping you feel less crappy and more happy, and is absolutely brilliant at what she does 😊
Holly is a TV actress, Widow, mum to two gorgeous girls, and all-round amazing human.
In this podcast, we talk about how Holly entered the world of self-development, her acting career, and how everything changed when her husband Ross got diagnosed with a brain tumour in 2014 🤍
This life altering event changed the trajectory of Hollys life, leading her to where she is today. Holly shares so many golden nuggets in this conversation, even I had a breakthrough!
Every time you listen to Holly you break down more of the barriers you build in your own mind, she is so empowering and like a breath of fresh air
We talk about so much in this episode including:
🌻 How the foundations of who we are shift after the loss of a life partner
🌻 Understanding what REALLY matters in life
🌻 What life teaches us
🌻 The science behind our thoughts
🌻 Resilience
🌻 Learned behaviour and what we can change
🌻 The power of finding the good
🌻 Allowing space for everything within our trauma and grief
🌻 Listening to what your body needs
🌻 Acknowledging how differently we all do grief
🌻 Solo parenting
🌻 Community and connection
🌻 Drowning out the noise of everyone else's thoughts/judgements
🌻 It’s ok to not have all the answers
Since the death of her husband, Holly is on a mission to help more people deal with the challenges life throws at us, become more resilient, and ultimately take back control of their lives
Holly offers 1:1 coaching, on-line courses, a membership programme and has her own podcast sharing so much of her wisdom, you really can learn so much from her. and if you’re not already following her on Instagram you absolutely must, her content is super powerful
www.iamhollymatthews.com
@iamhollymatthews
In this week’s episode of The Widow Podcast, I had the absolute pleasure and privilege of speaking with the inspirational Gary Andrews. 🎙️
💛 We had such a heart-warming conversation filled with love, hope and Joy.
✏️ Gary is best known for his daily doodles on social media, illustrating his life after the death of his wife Joy in 2017. These wonderful drawings have amassed Gary a huge following, offering so much comfort and support to so many in their own grieving journeys
💛 They say a picture speaks 1000 words, and in this case it’s true. Gary found a unique way of coping on his grief journey, through his doodle diaries, which have now been made into the most heart warming book, Finding Joy.
🌈 Gary starting doodling prior to his Wife’s passing, but he has carried this on, a tradition he realises helps not only him but his family, friends, and followers too
💛 Over the years of following Gary myself, and listening to him speak, I have drawn so much strength and wisdom from him that I hope you’ll be able to do the same from listening to our conversation.
🌈 Gary has a wonderful and unique way of approaching grief, and life, that I believe we can all earn so much from him…
💛 We talk about a number of things including;
The Grief Demon
Releasing feelings and emotions
The doodle diaries
Solo parenting
Support networks
Trusting your instincts
The importance of laughter
What grief teaches us
Finding love after loss
Guilt
Honouring your loved one in your new life
And much much more……..
✨ There is so much in this conversation that will leave you feeling a little more hopeful and maybe inspired, that life after loss can still be beautiful
🙏🏻 As Gary says “you are not alone”
In this week’s episode of The Widow Podcast I am joined by John Webb, founder of Embark2 🎙️
John is the founder of Embark2, a wonderful support network for widows and widowers offering holidays and events on a not for profit basis.
John’s wife Joyce sadly died in 2013 which has taken him on a journey where he now helps so many on their own grieving journeys make meaningful connections, experience new opportunities and achieve things they never dreamed possible.
In this episode we talk about the devastating effects the loss of a life partner can have on us, and how we are able to work through these challenges by surrounding ourselves with like minded people and pushing ourselves to try different things.
John offers a safe, supportive space for widows and widowers to travel and explore the world whilst being surrounded by people who just know.
This can have a hugely positive impact on our healing journeys, allowing us to still live life whilst also honouring our loved ones, taking them forward with us, not leaving them behind.
Embarking on our chapter two is scary, we feel vulnerable and alone, but John has a wonderful way of helping those grieving the loss of a life partner realise that life after loss is still possible, offering so much hope in a dark place, and that is a gift.
I hope you enjoy listening to this conversation as much as I enjoyed having it.
If you would like to get in touch with John you can do so by emailing him at;
enquiries@embark2.co.uk
Visit the website;
www.embark2.co.uk
Or call the helpline on
+447498 623819
Guilt is the unwanted companion of grief and is something that shows up for so many of us in our grieving journeys.
We feel guilty for what we did or didn’t do.
what we said or didn’t say.
For not being enough.
For surviving.
For life
We feel guilty for feeling guilty….
It’s endless.
In this episode we explore guilt and why we find it easier to feel guilt than we do to feel powerless. I want to help you understand that it is common, and a natural part of the grieving process, to explore all the shoulda, woulda, couldas, within your loss, you are not alone and nor are you going mad. However, by understanding a little more about it we are able to shift our perspective and change our thought patterns enabling us to take back some control and reduce our suffering.
Making sense of death is hard, trying to fathom the enormity of the loss leaves us with the realisation that the world is unpredictable and chaotic, and that’s uncomfortable, so we invite guilt in instead, it’s still uncomfortable but it allows us to feel we have some control.
Have a listen and let's explore this subject a little more and help you free yourself of some of the guilt.
We are back 💥
The first episode of The Widow Podcast of 2022 is here and i'm so excited🎙️
💛 In this week’s episode I talk about feeling stuck in grief .
I speak to so many people that say they feel stuck and can’t move forward, I felt it myself in my own grief, and its horrible.
However, on my journey, I have learnt a lot of the time, we feel this way because of the expectations we place on ourselves. The idea that we should be doing it better, or differently, or that we are not where we are 'supposed' to be.
When we start out on our grieving journey, I think we subconsciously cast a timeline in our minds of how long it is going to take to grieve, maybe there’s this silent notion that after the first year it’ll get easier, and when it doesn’t, we feel stuck, because we aren’t where we think we should be . We are often so intent on looking ahead, that we forget to look at how far we’ve come
🌻 So, have a listen to this week’s podcast, as I share with you some of my thoughts and feelings around feeling stuck in grief and let me know what you think.
This week I am talking to the wonderful Julie New.
Julie is an experienced personal recovery coach specialising in helping people after difficult and sometimes traumatic life change. Prior to starting her coaching Julie spent 20 years in the NHS as a senior nurse and midwife, she also worked on various pioneering NHS community projects.
Since becoming a professional coach in 2006 she has developed a unique New Chapter recovery program which has helped many people to reach new fulfilling phases in their lives, which they hadn’t thought possible.
Julie is an author of popular unique personal growth gift books including ‘The Grief Garden path and is a well-known inspirational and motivational wellbeing conference speaker.
In this episode Julie shares her own personal stories of loss, how she supported her two girls through grief towards health, healing and happiness and also shares her golden nuggets of wisdom.
We discuss anger, widowhood, rebuilding and finding glimmers of sunshine in a dark place.
Julie now supports others in their own journeys of grief and helps them to create something truly meaningful after loss.
‘Change is forever, but the pain doesn’t have to be…’
Email me: julie@julienew.co.uk
Telephone me: 07967135870
Website: Julie New – Personal recovery coach
Follow my journey on Instagram: Julienewpersonalrecoverycoach
Join me on Twitter: @julienewcoach
Like my Facebook page: Julie New – Personal recovery coach
You are welcome to join my private Facebook group ‘Forever Flowers’, a place for people who care for ongoing motivation, inspiration, support and understanding:
https://facebook.com/groups/ForeverFlowers/?ref=share
Writing New Chapters with Stacey Macdonald
In this week's episode I speak to an incredibly honest and inspiring lady, Stacey Macdonald. Stacey’s husband Chris died suddenly in December 2013 from a heart attack when their daughter was only 12 years old.
Stacey shares her journey of loss and how she navigated her way through her grief in her own unique way, a way in which we could all learn a lot from.
We discuss;
- How Stacey and her daughter dealt with that first Christmas
- The coping strategies Stacey used in her grief
- The pivotal moment Stacey realised she had to make some changes
- Supporting Children through their grief
- Navigating new relationships
- Deciding to live again after loss
- The importance of leaning into your own intuition
- Worrying about other people's judgements and assumptions
- Guilt
- Finding joy in today and writing the new chapters in our books with love and peace in our hearts
This really is such a wonderful conversation and I know you’ll be able to draw so much from this.
We got unexpectedly cut off at the end (the joys of living on a small island), so there is an abrupt finish to the conversation. We contemplated arranging another time to record an ending but I actually felt that Staceys final words of wisdom were so beautiful, it felt like the perfect end to a wonderful conversation, so we left it at is was.
In this episode I talk to Emma about the death of her husband Simon in July 2016 and how this impacted herself and their two young girls. We also discuss the learnings Emma has gained from Simon's death, the importance of being as prepared as we can for our own deaths and the deaths of those around us, and how we can find the support that’s right for us
.
Emma is a former end-of-life solicitor and Simon was in the military. Emma believed they had been very open about his death and prepared well for it, but there was still so much that they had not discussed
.
We talk about:
🟡 Wills and Power of Attorney
🟡 Funeral planning
🟡 How you want to die
🟡 Where you want to die
🟡 What you want to happen after your death
🟡 How lockdown actually helped Emma deal with her grief
🟡 Re-discovering parts you of you that had disappeared
🟡 Supporting grieving children
You can find Emma and contact her via the following links;
Website: www.rainbowhunting.co.uk
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rainbowhuntingmoments/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/emma-gray-50245133/
Sign up to Emma's monthly newsletter here: https://www.rainbowhunting.co.uk/news
In this week’s episode I discuss TRE - Tension and trauma releasing exercises, with Sylvia Tillman, an alternative practitioner. Sylvia specialises in Jikiden Reiki, Laughter yoga, and of course, TRE.
TRE is a somatic self help tool to release deep muscular patterns of stress. The exercises assist the body in releasing deep muscular patterns of stress, tension and trauma, created and held in the body during a traumatic experience or through chronic stress.
When grieving, we are very focused on our mental wellbeing and seeking out therapy or counselling, but grieving has an effect on us mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally and all areas need tending to as mind and body are intrinsically linked and they shouldn't be seen in isolation.
We discuss how TRE can very simply help us release this tension and trauma and the wonderful knock on effects this can have.
We have to learn to tune into our bodies more, to reconnect with our bodies, and allow it to lead us to our healing.
Contact details for Sylvia;
http://www.tremendoustre.co.uk
https://www.facebook.com/WhatIsTheAlternative
https://www.instagram.com/learnTRE
https://twitter.com/LearnTRE
In this week’s podcast I talk about grief coaching. What it is, and what it isn’t.
I get asked lots of questions, things like, am I a therapist, am I a counseller? I am neither of those things. I coach you, help you, and guide you on your grief journey, no matter where in your grieving journey you are.
I want to hold your hand, be a voice of reason, and help you ask yourself more positive questions.
I create a safe space for you and for your grief with no expectation, no judgment, no criticism, no shoulds. Your journey is unique, but I want to be here for you.
Take a listen to this week's episode to see how I can help you.
In this episode I have a very raw, honest and relatable conversation with friend and fellow widow Lisa. Lisa's husband Simon died in November 2019 leaving her and her children to navigate their way through life without Simon. Lisa is so inspirational and incredibly wise so I wanted her to share her story with you so you can draw from her strength and wisdom. There will be so much in this episode that will resonate on a deep and profound level, I know you will not leave without feeling truly inspired and motivated. Take a listen.
In this episode of The Widow Podcast I discuss how we cannot always control what happens to us in life, but we can control how we respond.
If we just take a minute to stop, breathe, and think about what we want our next step to be, we can choose a response that is more aligned with who we are and the person we want to be.
We can’t change the past, and we have little control over the future, all we have is now. So, take the time to think about what choices you want to make in this season of your life. Make the choice to show yourself compassion and kindness, instead of judgment and criticism.
You can choose how to respond to your grief. Ask for help, accept help, lean into what is present for you. Don’t do it all yourself, don’t burn yourself out. And above all, focus on the language you’re using, stop saying ‘never’ and ‘always’, it’s not helping you. Choose your words wisely.
With the seasons comes change, and it is the same for our grief. Throughout the seasons we feel different emotions and desires, and the season has an impact on our mood and how we feel.
As the new month came, Autumn seemed to appear in the blink of an eye, and with the leaves falling, we are forced to face the harsh reality of the death of our loved one. And then Winter comes and we are see this as a time to rest, restore, and reconnect. This is the heaviest season as it feels so long, we just want to hibernate.
But change quickly comes again in the Spring, with a sense of renewed hope. We see more light than darkness and have more energy to face our feelings, and tasks we may have been avoiding.
Summer is the best season, as things start to feel bright again. We learn to integrate our loss and the future.
Remember, you will blossom again one day. All seasons are temporary, nothing is permanent. Trust what feels right, and listen to your body.
In this episode of The Widow Podcast I discuss three important factors to guide you on your grief journey. These factors haven’t been scientifically proven, they’re just from my own experience and from the experience of the people I help in one to one sessions, and in groups.
In my experience, the three most important factors are:
Rely on your support system, don’t say no to help. It’s important to remember that accepting help isn’t weakness, it doesn’t make you a burden or a bad person. People WANT to help, they want to be there for you, so let them in.
Change the narrative. Don’t let your loss define you. Don’t let it impact you negatively for the rest of your life. I had a burning desire to not become a victim, to believe life could be good again. I had no idea how to do it, or even if I fully believed it, but it was a belief and a desire within me, and it can be within you too.
And finally, have an open heart and an open mind. Your life isn’t over, even if in that moment and moments to come it feels like it is. It hurts, and it’ll carry on hurting, but don’t close yourself off to new opportunities. Instead of saying no, never, say not right now, maybe in the future, maybe soon. Allow yourself to be open to the possibility of a happy future.
Grief and Nutrition with Sabine Horner
In this episode, I invite Sabine Horner to discuss some of the ways that grief and nutrition are linked. We explore the different types of food we can eat and how we can use our breath to help us on our grieving journey.
I have spoken with Sabine before, but for those of you who don’t know, Sabine is a registered nutritionist and an Ayurvedic Health Coach. Ayurveda derives from one of the classical languages of India, Sanskrit, with Ayur meaning life, and Veda meaning knowledge. Ayurveda is known to have holistic powers which cleanse and restore balance to our bodies and minds.
This is especially important in the early stages of our grieving journey, where we may not want to cook or eat, or even if we do want to eat we want all the foods that are bad for us.
In this episode, Sabine explains how nutrition and grief are intertwined, and why our gut health is so important. What we eat, when we eat it, and how we eat/drink has a lasting impact on our bodies. Sabine discusses what temperature we should drink our water, why deep breathing is essential, and how we should be taking multi-vitamins.
The relationship with ourselves is the most important relationship we will ever have, as we have to live with ourselves for our whole life. So, make that relationship a positive one, a loving one, and a compassionate one.
In this episode I discuss some of the feelings that may show up in your grief and how these feelings are normal and necessary, and why it's important to learn how to invite these feelings in and explore them.
There's a lot of unexpected and uncomfortable feelings that show up in our grief, they can be overwhelming, confusing and scary. As a result of this we can box things up, push them away and ignore them, because we don't know if they're normal or natural and we are not taught how to deal with them.
We can also layer these feelings with more negative thoughts around them, we judge them, criticise them, and create shame around them, causing more discomfort in an already uncomfortable situation.
I want to help normalise them for you, to help you feel more comfortable with what is showing up and understand that your feelings do not define you or make you a bad person.
Feelings are not problems to be solved, they are an experience to be allowed and all feelings are valid.
Grief has taught me a lot and to name just six has been difficult, but in this episode I talk about the things I have learnt though my grieving journey.
I discuss how we discover things about us we never knew existed, where I have discovered true comfort and Joy, and how there is opportunity for wonderful things even in our darkest days.
There may be things I say that you just can't see yet, and that's ok, some of these learnings have taken years to see. If you're not there yet, that's ok, you're not doing it wrong, this is just a reflection on a few of the things that I have learnt though my own personal journey with grief.
Anniversaries, birthdays and holidays are often huge triggers for us in our grief leaving us unsure of what we should do to mark the occasion and how we can best support ourselves through them.
In this episode I talk about things you can do to honour your loved one, ways you can nurture your own needs and how our grief evolves over time.
It is a journey and we will all travel it at different paces and it different ways, there is no right or wrong, it's just finding the way that works best for you and being ok with that.
As hard as these days are it's important not to think of them as setbacks, but as an invitation to connect with our loved one, remember them and celebrate their life, eventually we will be able to do this with more love than pain.
We are so hard on ourselves in grief, forever putting ourselves down, telling ourselves we can't do it or we're not good enough. You can do it and you are good enough, in fact you are utterly incredible and I want you to start seeing that. I am here to cheer you on but also help you see the importance of being your own cheerleader. You are amazing, never forget that.
In this episode I wanted to offer some support and guidance on how to support somebody grieving the loss of a loved one. Grief is scary and it is a world we don't know or understand which can lead us to pull back from those we love when they need us the most. Here I share with you a few ideas that i've learnt through my own journey with grief and from clients navigating their way through loss too. Please share this with family and friends to help them to support you in the best way that they can. One of the biggest determiners of how well we do in grief is the support and connection we receive from others, so let's come together through these turbulent times for together we are stronger.
This is the first of many episodes which will inform, inspire and entertain you, but first I wanted to say hello and introduce myself telling you a little about my story and what bought me here to this point.
Widowhood has taught me so much about grief, loss and life, things I didn't know when I first came into this chaotic world and things I wish I had known. I'm sharing these learnings with you so hopefully you can feel less like you're going mad and more like what you are feeling is normal in the world of grief.
In this episode I share with you some of the learnings I have gained along the way about how best to support grieving children. It is incredibly hard to navigate your own way through grief, let alone find ways of supporting your children, so I wanted to offer some of the tips and tools that have helped me to support my own two girls through their grieving journey.