Wisdom Cafe: Recent Episodes

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INTRO
The years from 45 to 60 or so are regarded as middle years in adult development. But many people fail to navigate that transition well and get stuck, or worse move forward carrying old, unnecessary baggage. How well you deal with losses in your life is at the centre of that. In this episode, Rob discusses loss, grief and moving forward with a lightness in your step.

WHAT WE COVER

• Transitioning through phases of life
• Midlife 45-60 years of age
• Getting stuck not properly dealing with what needs to be left behind
• Not refreshing your identity suitable for older life stages
• Undealt-with loss can trip us up as we progress in life
• Major losses - marriage, a parent, a child, a career, your wealth, physical etc
• Minor losses - illness, loneliness, a disappointment, lockdown freedoms etc
• All lives carry gains and advantages, as well as losses
• To move on effectively, you need to grieve your losses well
• Moving from earlier adulthood to later requires transition
• Accepting what you no longer have or no longer exists
• Shifting some of your values
• The young-old polarity - a psychosocial reality
• The red sports car, big motorbike, dressing like a 30-year-old
• Recapturing the sense they had from youth
• Revisiting your old favourite music from 30 years ago - happy memories
• Some losses you never recover from 100%
• But we shouldn’t debilitated by them forever
• Follow a process of identifying, accepting and grieving.
• How was your 2021?
• Moving forward to 2022 feeling lighter and freer.

HOW TO WORK THIS INTO OUR LIFE

• Spend focused time alone
• Identify and write down your main losses
• Take each one, and look it squarely in the eyes
• Accept it - say so out loud
• Feel it - accept the feeling you’re experiencing
• Grieve it properly
• Decide to leave it behind - let it slip away.
• Focus on what you do value - what do you want now?
• Look for relevant ways to make them real in your life from now on.

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Christmas is a wonderful time of year and it’s just around the corner as we speak. Trouble is, it’s also a very stressful time. And, if we’re stressed, it’ll have a negative effect on others too. How can we navigate December (or any time of year) with less stress, less anxiety, more calm and more peace? In this episode, Rob shares six simple ways you can do so.

WHAT WE COVER

• Life is fast and getting faster
• Complex and getting more complex
• Family traditions like our Sunday dinner with Mum and Dad
• The artificial goals, KPIs and other metrics of the corporate world
• Getting older often means wanting different things
• Calm and peace is very desirable
• Over 50s want freedom, choice and general contentment
• Science shows that too much stress generates the wrong hormones
• Cortisol is helpful, to a point
• Too much cortisol changes your physiology
• Osteoporosis
• Mood swings
• Our modern lifestyle can facilitate these health issues
• Reduce stress by:
  • Taking longer (antidote to rushed driving and walking)
  • Meditate (learn to raise your awareness of the present moment)
  • Walk (change your content, get fresh air, observe)
  • Pause (adding a few seconds of stillness before reacting, moving, responding)
  • Reduce the incoming (turning off advertising, notifications, emails)
  • Deep breaths (‘nuff said).
• When we are less stressed, it helps others around us too.

HOW TO WORK THIS INTO YOUR LIFE

Today’s episode is very practical so perhaps replay the last 10 minutes for the six best ideas on how to deliberately create more room, space and time in your day to day life. 

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There’s no doubt that we have significant problems in the world. But better arguments aren’t going to make better people or a better world. Changing our attitude towards others will. What causes the barriers and what can we do about it? In this episode Rob Bialostocki explores how we view other people and suggests an alternative.

WHAT WE COVER

• It’s easy to think warmth and love for people we like
• This brings nice feelings and good actions
• Love is something the world desperately needs
• What about those who are different, argumentative, or who seem wedded to war?
• ‘Us’ and ‘them’ is at the heart of humanity
• Religion, politics, sports, locations can all be barriers
• We want to belong and feel safe
• We tend to group together with those we think are like us
• Separation creates barriers which can become problematic
• Travelling to Istanbul
• Seeing the Blue Mosque
• “Closed for prayer”
• Treated as not part of the club
• Differences may not be necessary from hereon
• Heuristics are natural
• Minimising their impact by being deliberate
• Deliberately trying not to categorise others
• Seeing others as just a fellow human being
• Actively trying to wish the best for others
• The more we do it the easier it will become
• Trying to be more open to everyone and trying to be less judgemental
• Focusing on how similar we are
• Wishing warmth, peace and success to everyone you meet.

HOW TO WORK THIS INTO YOUR LIFE

1. When you’re next out, consciously look at and notice another person.
   1. Pay attention to your thoughts - what are they saying?
   2. Notice whether you use categories such as gender, age, culture etc
   3. Deliberately say to yourself simply, “Look, there’s another person.”
   4. Leave it at that.
2. If your mind persists in categorising them, repeat the exercise.
   1. “There’s someone, a fellow human-being like me.”
3. Wish them good things, success and warmth.
   1. Smile at them, even if they don't see you.
   2. Look at them and say quietly to yourself, “May you be happy. May you be warm and safe. May you find success. All the very best.”
   3. Carry on with your day.
4. The more you consciously do this, the easier it will become.