The Death Dhamma Podcast: Recent Episodes
Margaret Meloni
Open and honest discussions with wise and skillful teachers about their experiences with life, death, and Buddhism. If you wonder how others on the path have dealt with death and dying and grief, be sure to listen in. Everyone has a story, a perspective, and a valuable lesson to share. Embrace death, live a full life, and learn to love impermanence because nobody gets out of this alive.
Complaining is Like Junk Food: Just as fast food offers fleeting satisfaction but lacks nourishment, complaining provides only temporary emotional relief. This episode invites listeners to reconsider the impact of their words and thoughts on their well-being.
Drawing an insightful analogy between complaining and consuming fast food, Margaret highlights how we often seek quick emotional relief through negative expressions that ultimately leave us feeling unsatisfied and burdened. This discussion reminds us that while life's challenges are inevitable, our responses can lead us toward either suffering or personal growth.
As the episode unfolds, Margaret introduces her new mantra: "Change is difficult. Complaining is easy." This mantra serves as a powerful reminder that while it's natural to express our grievances, we also have the opportunity to engage in deeper, transformative practices that promote healing and growth. Listeners are invited to reflect on their own experiences with change, to acknowledge their feelings of disappointment, and to consider how they can shift from empty complaints to meaningful introspection.
The central narrative of The Story of the Chinese Farmer powerfully reminds us that what may initially seem like fortune or misfortune can lead to unforeseen consequences.
The farmer's unique response of "maybe" to various events illustrates the wisdom in suspending immediate judgment. By refraining from labeling experiences too quickly, we can embrace the impermanence and uncertainty of life. This episode emphasizes mindful acceptance, urging listeners to observe events with detachment from strong emotional responses. Through this practice, we can cultivate a greater sense of personal growth and resilience.
Margaret encourages us to incorporate the farmer’s mindset into our daily lives, fostering a broader perspective that acknowledges the duality of experiences. What appears to be a setback may ultimately pave the way for unexpected blessings, and vice versa.
When Willy, her playful cat, tears a stuffed frog apart, Margaret Meloni is thrust into an emotional journey that prompts deep introspection
Throughout the episode, Margaret skillfully navigates her feelings of sorrow and frustration as she grapples with the loss of the stuffed animal. This emotional response serves as a springboard for a wider discussion on the nature of attachment, exploring how we imbue objects with meaning based on our relationships and memories. Listeners will resonate with her insights as she reflects on the significance of sentimental items and how they often link us to our loved ones, highlighting the emotional complexities involved in our connections to them.
Margaret’s experience serves as a living Dhamma lesson, illustrating the Buddhist principles of impermanence and equanimity. She shares her evolving perspective, moving from a desire to repair the frog to a deeper understanding of letting go. This contemplation not only sheds light on her personal attachment to the stuffed animal but also invites listeners to examine their own relationships with meaningful objects. Ultimately, Margaret emphasizes that releasing physical items does not erase the love associated with them; instead, it can lead to greater peace and an enriched understanding of our emotional landscapes.
Focus on the eight worldly conditions—gain and loss, status and disgrace, censure and praise, pleasure and pain. These "winds", as host Margaret Meloni refers to them, are familiar to all of us. By exploring these vicissitudes, Margaret encourages us to reflect on how our attachment to gain and our aversion to loss can lead to suffering. She reminds us that embracing loss can be a profound teacher, guiding us to a deeper understanding of impermanence and the realities of life.
Margaret's insights extend beyond simple acceptance; she challenges us to reshape our relationship with praise and blame, fame and disgrace. As she thoughtfully articulates, the winds of ego can lead us to a precarious sense of self, perpetuating anxiety through the need for recognition and validation. She emphasizes that true freedom comes from releasing these attachments and cultivating compassion, especially in moments of pain. This journey isn't about suppressing our emotions or experiences; instead, it's about fostering a balanced mind that can welcome all experiences with spacious wisdom, regardless of their nature.
Tune in, and together, let’s explore how to embrace the winds with grace, cultivating a deeper sense of balance and freedom.
Consider the profound teachings of the Lokavipati sutta. Drawing from the wisdom of the Buddha, Margaret reveals how our responses to the eight worldly conditions—gain and loss, status and disgrace, censure and praise, pleasure and pain—shape our experiences of suffering and peace. As she delves into these vicissitudes, she encourages listeners to reflect on their judgments and reactions to life’s inevitable ups and downs.
This sutta emphasizes the distinction between the uninstructed person and the well-instructed disciple of the Noble Ones, highlighting the importance of mindfulness and awareness in navigating life’s challenges. Margaret encourages us to embrace impermanence, reminding us that our thoughts and feelings about gain or loss, praise or censure, and pleasure or pain are often transient and subject to change. Through engaging discourse and insightful reflections, this episode serves as a powerful reminder that equanimity can be cultivated, allowing us to confront life’s dualities with grace and understanding.
Join Margaret on this journey of contemplation and self-discovery, as she invites you to consider how embracing impermanence can lead to deeper peace and freedom from suffering. Whether you're new to Buddhist teachings or looking to deepen your understanding of equanimity, this episode promises valuable insights and practical wisdom for living a balanced life. Tune in, reflect, and carry these teachings with you throughout your week.
Drawing from the insightful article by J. David Cresswell, "Learning to Accept Discomfort Could Help You Thrive," published in Scientific American, Margaret explores the transformative power of embracing discomfort as a pathway to achieving equanimity. In a world that often feels chaotic and beyond our control, this episode serves as a timely reminder that finding balance and peace is not only possible but essential for personal growth.
Margaret begins by sharing an anecdote highlighting an extraordinary case where an individual faced a painful dental procedure without anesthesia, instead relying on mindfulness and equanimity to transform his experience. This story sets the stage for a deeper conversation about the benefits of turning toward our discomforts rather than shying away from them.
She delves into studies that reveal how accepting negative emotions can lead to greater satisfaction and less anxiety. These findings resonate with the heart of the Dharma, illustrating that when we cultivate a mental attitude of acceptance, we not only improve our personal well-being but also enhance our interactions with others. Join Margaret on this reflective journey as she shares valuable tools and practices to help listeners develop equanimity in the face of life’s inevitable challenges.
Listeners will discover how equanimity functions as a stabilizing force in our emotional lives. Margaret emphasizes that it allows us to experience deep compassion, loving-kindness, and joyousness without being overwhelmed by our feelings. By observing our reactions to the roadside scenarios—where a stranger elicits mild compassion, a neighbor stirs more involvement, and a best friend creates profound emotional turbulence—she elucidates the varying shades of our emotional engagement and the importance of a balanced response.
Throughout the discussion, Margaret stresses the importance of "not self" (non-attachment) as a foundational practice for cultivating equanimity. This practice encourages us to observe situations with clarity and discernment, freeing us from being engulfed by our emotions. She also highlights that true compassion encompasses both emotional understanding and practical actions, such as offering assistance to those in need. Importantly, equanimity does not imply cold detachment; rather, it invites a mindful approach to life's challenges, providing us with the tools to navigate our emotions with grace.
In this episode, Margaret revisits the concept of equanimity, presenting it not just as a serene state of mind but as an essential practice that helps us respond wisely to life’s fluctuations. Life’s ups and downs can feel overwhelming, but Margaret offers strategies for maintaining our grounding amidst the emotional tides. She delves into the Buddhist teachings of karma and the idea of “not-self,” encouraging listeners to recognize that our experiences—both joyful and sorrowful—are intertwined with our actions and the actions of others. This understanding can be liberating, allowing us to embrace our life’s circumstances without fear.
Equanimity, as Margaret explains, is not about indifference or detachment; rather, it is the capacity to engage with both joy and suffering without being swept away by them. Through thoughtful meditation practices and reflective insights, she illustrates how we can nurture this sense of balance, fostering a compassionate heart that remains steady even when faced with turmoil. This season of the podcast invites you to explore your capacity for equanimity, helping you to cultivate a deeper understanding of yourself and your responses to the world around you. Tune in for an enriching conversation that promises to inspire and guide you toward a more balanced and peaceful existence.
Have you ever felt overwhelmed by the complexities of human relationships? You're not alone. In a world filled with challenges, the Brahmaviharas offer us a lifeline—four divine abodes that can transform our interactions and elevate our spirits.
In the latest episode of the Death Dhamma podcast, host Margaret Meloni invites us on a journey through the heart of compassion. She illuminates the path of Metta, Karuna, Mudita, and Upeka—concepts that aren’t just philosophical; they’re practical tools for navigating the stormy seas of modern life. 🌊
❤️ Metta (Loving-Kindness): Imagine a love so vast that it requires nothing in return. This is the nurturing strength that fills empty hearts and has the power to heal. It's your ticket to ending suffering—for yourself and for others.
💕 Karuna (Compassion): What if you could truly understand another's pain? This isn’t just empathy; it’s a call to action. Recognizing our shared struggles connects us to our humanity, fostering personal growth and a sense of community.
🎉 Mudita (Sympathetic Joy): Can you celebrate someone else's success without envy? This practice turns the spotlight on collective joy, reminding us that happiness is not a zero-sum game. When others thrive, we all rise together!
🧘 Upekhha (Equanimity): This isn’t about being cold or detached; it’s about finding balance amidst chaos. Cultivating a calm, centered perspective helps us navigate life's challenges with grace, nurturing our relationships instead of allowing them to fracture.
🌍 Through a Universal Meditation, we’re encouraged to wish happiness, freedom from suffering, and peace for ALL beings—even ourselves. This simple practice fosters social harmony, breaking down barriers and promoting generosity.
What if we all embodied these qualities in our daily lives? Imagine a world where compassion replaces conflict, where understanding trumps ego, and where each interaction becomes a step toward spiritual growth.
✨ Let’s create compassionate communities by embracing the Brahmavaharas and spreading love and understanding. The journey might be challenging, but the rewards are worth it.
Dive into the latest episode of the Death Dhamma podcast—let’s transform our relationships and the world together! 💫
Margaret Meloni welcomes Elysabeth Williamson (https://www.elysabethwilliamson.com/) , a pioneering figure in the realm of partner-based yoga, to discuss the profound intersections of yoga, death, and self-exploration. Elysabeth introduces her unique approach to partner yoga, emphasizing that it transcends mere physical practice and delves into the holistic well-being of our entire being. This episode centers on Elysabeth’s recent talk titled "Exploring the Great Mystery and Befriending Death," where she shares her insights on the transformative power of contemplating death as a means to reclaim the sacred nature of life’s transitions.
Margaret and Elysabeth engage in an open and heartfelt conversation about how the fear of death often overshadows our lives and stifles our ability to fully engage with the present. Elysabeth draws on her experiences leading groups through profound explorations of death, revealing how these discussions can transform fear into joy and connection. As they navigate topics such as the significance of Shavasana (the corpse pose) in yoga, the comforting power of companionship during difficult explorations, and the importance of self-love and compassion in overcoming anxiety, you are invited to reflect on your own fears and beliefs about death.
This episode is not just a conversation about death; it's a call to embrace life more fully. Elysabeth shares practical insights from her retreats and workshops, encouraging listeners to approach the topic of death with curiosity rather than dread. Through exercises, such as contemplating self-love and exploring personal myths about mortality, Elysabeth illustrates how a deeper understanding of death can enrich our experiences of living. You will walk away with a renewed perspective on life and death, armed with tools to cultivate greater meaning and connection in your own life. Check out Elysabeth’s upcoming retreat: https://www.dralamountain.org/program/eod525exploring-our-death-to-liberate-our-lives/
Margaret Meloni guides listeners through the intricate landscape of regret and remorse, exploring how these emotions impact our lives in turbulent times. Drawing from Buddhist teachings and suttas, Margaret delves into the nuances of regret and remorse, illustrating how they can serve both as catalysts for growth and as burdens that weigh us down. In a world characterized by chaos and uncertainty, the discussion turns to the importance of finding equanimity, encouraging us to cultivate balance and peace amidst external turmoil.
As Margaret reflects on recent encounters with friends grappling with feelings of regret over relationship choices and unmet expectations, she invites listeners to consider their own experiences and decisions. The episode serves as a gentle reminder that while we cannot change the past, we can learn from our mistakes. By examining the teachings of the Buddha, Margaret elucidates the difference between regret—which often centers on fear of punishment—and remorse, which encourages a compassionate understanding of our actions and their impact on others.
Listeners are encouraged to embrace a proactive approach to life, using the insights gained from reflection to inform their future decisions. Margaret emphasizes the importance of focusing on the present and future, suggesting that dwelling too long on past missteps can hinder our growth. With a blend of personal anecdotes, spiritual wisdom, and practical advice, this episode inspires us to cultivate positive intentions and actions, ultimately leading to a life free from the shackles of regret.
Equanimity isn’t just a buzzword; it’s a mental fortress. It’s the art of letting experiences—both the sweet and the bitter—arrive and depart without shaking our inner calm. Just like a chocolate craving that pulls at our desires, attachment disrupts our peace. But what if we could observe that craving like clouds passing through the sky?
To help listeners cultivate a deeper sense of equanimity, Margaret introduces a guided meditation that encourages acceptance of all beings and thoughts—pleasant and unpleasant alike. This practice emphasizes seeing thoughts as transient clouds, promoting a healthier relationship with both our positive and negative experiences. Throughout the episode, you'll be inspired to reflect on your own responses to life’s challenges and the importance of nurturing a balanced mind.
Panic is never a solution. In moments of crisis or uncertainty, it is easy to feel overwhelmed and reactive. By cultivating equanimity, we can sidestep panic and instead approach challenges with a level head. This doesn’t mean we ignore our feelings but rather that we create a mental framework that allows us to address issues rationally and calmly. Connecting with our inner stillness can lead to clearer thinking and more effective decision-making.
All sentient beings fundamentally desire to be happy, healthy, and free from suffering. Despite the diversity of our circumstances, we are united by this common aspiration.
This understanding fosters compassion and empathy towards ourselves and others. It reminds us that behind every reaction, there is likely a story of struggle and desire for peace.
Recognizing that anger is one of the unskillful roots that hinder our spiritual practice, Margaret emphasizes the importance of transforming negative emotions into goodwill, compassion, and equanimity.
The heart of this episode centers around five effective strategies to combat feelings of hatred: 1. Develop goodwill 2. Cultivate compassion 3. Practice equanimity.4. Ignore and pay no attention.5. Recognize the individual's karmic journey.
By employing mindfulness and focusing on our intentions, we can rise above the fray and contribute positively to ourselves and the world around us. This episode is not just an exploration of Buddhist philosophy; it’s a heartfelt call to cultivate compassion and understanding, even for those with whom we might disagree.
Drawing on Buddhist teachings and personal insights, Margaret invites listeners to reflect on the tumultuous nature of modern life and how we can navigate it with grace and wisdom. As she examines the challenges posed by political division, she emphasizes the importance of maintaining our core values of compassion and mindfulness—even when confronted with strongly held opposing views.
Margaret delves into the emotional turmoil that often accompanies political disagreements, acknowledging that such conflicts can feel deeply personal. She highlights the need to balance our attachment to beliefs with a commitment to understanding and kindness. Throughout the conversation, listeners will discover practical strategies for fostering compassionate dialogue, including the art of deep listening and the practice of mindful speech. How can we express disagreement while still upholding the values that bind us together as human beings? Margaret emphasizes that kindness is not a weakness; rather, it serves as a powerful tool for connection in a divided world.
Contrary to common perceptions of equanimity as mere passive acceptance, this episode unpacks its nature as an active, skillful engagement with life's trials and tribulations. Through a captivating story of a monk and his experience in a partially roofed hut, listeners are invited to explore how mindful responses to life’s challenges can foster resilience.
Margaret skillfully dissects the story of a monk who mistakenly equates acceptance with inaction, prompting a vital discussion on the Buddhist understanding of skillful and unskillful responses to our circumstances.
With practical advice on pacing yourself and conserving energy for the actions that matter, this episode serves as a crucial reminder that equanimity is not a passive state; it's an active practice rooted in mindfulness and self-awareness. Whether grappling with personal challenges or feeling overwhelmed by external circumstances, this episode offers valuable insights and tools to cultivate peace and resilience. Tune in to find balance in the chaos and learn how to apply the timeless teachings of Buddhism to your modern life.
Practical insights into how spiritual resilience can be cultivated. Margaret elucidates the difference between equanimity and apathy, encouraging a calm, engaged response to life’s difficulties. She underscores the importance of compassionate action—urging listeners to care for themselves and others when the world feels bleak. Margaret also shares key spiritual principles, such as acknowledging suffering, confronting our own clinging and aversion, and standing up for our beliefs.
The ultimate goal of spiritual practice, as emphasized in this episode, is to foster inner peace and resilience while remaining actively engaged in the world around us. Margaret's message is clear: spiritual practice is not about achieving a perfect existence devoid of problems but about learning to be present and compassionate in the face of adversity.
In this episode, Margaret draws parallels between the challenges we face in our daily lives and the world around us, emphasizing that while we cannot control every external circumstance, we can cultivate our inner response. She shares her own experiences with loss, resilience, and the importance of remaining grounded when life feels overwhelming. With a gentle yet firm reminder, she encourages listeners to practice patience and mindfulness, recognizing that even small moments of frustration and chaos can derail our sense of peace if we let them.
Join us as we explore practical ways to integrate equanimity into our lives—whether it's taking a deep breath after a minor setback or finding solace in nature during turbulent times. Margaret's compassionate approach inspires us to embrace our "wobbles" and reminds us that true strength lies in our ability to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively. Tune in to discover how you can build your emotional resilience and maintain a sense of balance as we navigate the unpredictability of life together. Whether you’re facing personal challenges or societal unrest, this episode will equip you with tools to cultivate a loving, calm presence that fosters connection and understanding.
Together we dive into the essence of navigating the myriad emotional highs and lows that life brings. With a keen awareness that our perceptions color our experiences, listeners are invited to reflect on the good, the bad, and the mundane events that unfold throughout the week. Through her candid musings, your host Margaret Meloni emphasizes the importance of recognizing your feelings and responses to life’s occurrences, gently reminding you that while you can’t control what happens, you can certainly control how you react to it.
It’s about fostering resilience and strength, rather than being swept away by the extremes of emotional highs and lows.
To enrich the discussion, Margaret also recounts a story from the Pali Canon, highlighting the four immeasurables: loving kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity. These teachings serve as vital tools to help you navigate the challenges you will face. By leaning into these values, you can cultivate a sense of calm and comfort, empowering yourself to meet life’s challenges head-on.
As we stand on the precipice of a shifting political landscape in the United States, feelings range from jubilation to despair, reflecting the diverse tapestry of human emotion and expectation. But beyond the immediate reactions to change, lies a profound philosophical question: How do we respond to the transformations that life imposes upon us?
Drawing on the poignant metaphor of the caterpillar’s metamorphosis, we explore the unsettling yet fascinating process of complete transformation. Just as the caterpillar surrenders to a process that sees it dissolve before rebirth as a butterfly, we too are sometimes required to undergo profound internal changes that challenge the very core of our identity. This episode asks, is the pain and uncertainty of transformation a necessary path to renewal and growth?
Weaving together insights from biology, philosophy, and spirituality, we consider the broader implications of change within our personal lives and our wider communities. Are we merely subjects to the whims of fate, or active participants steering through the chaos of transformation towards a hopeful future?
Welcome back to the Death Dhamma Podcast! This season promises to delve into the crucial theme of finding equanimity and balance during the turbulent times we live in, marked by societal turmoil, climate change, and personal challenges. After exploring the profound themes of death, grief, impermanence, clinging, and aversion in previous seasons, your host Margaret Meloni, now invites listeners to engage with the broader context of our current reality, emphasizing the essential role of mindfulness and compassion in navigating these chaotic waters.
In this season, listeners can expect a deep dive into the practice of maintaining equanimity amidst external chaos. Margaret emphasizes that equanimity is not about passively accepting injustice but rather about cultivating a balanced and compassionate approach to the world around us.
Host Margaret Meloni explores the significance of cultural and familial rituals, questioning why certain traditions hold such power over you. She challenges you to examine your beliefs and preferences and to assess the outcomes produced by these attachments.
Using relatable anecdotes from her life, including her journey with family Christmas traditions, Margaret shares her insights on how clinging to specific ways of doing things can lead to unnecessary suffering. Through thought-provoking questions and guided reflections, she encourages you to identify your own patterns of attachment and consider how these may impact your well-being.
Are there rituals you feel compelled to perform in a certain way? What happens if those rituals change? Exploring these questions opens the door to understanding the balance between honoring traditions and allowing for change.
As the conversation unfolds, Margaret emphasizes the Buddhist teachings on impermanence and compassion, reminding you that your relationships and beliefs should enhance your lives rather than constrain them. This episode is not just about letting go of expectations—it's about cultivating awareness and acceptance in your everyday practice.
Join Margaret in this enriching exploration as she offers guidance on how to navigate the complexities of clinging and aversion, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling and compassionate life. Tune in to find peace in impermanence and discover how your spiritual journey can flourish through mindful journaling and reflection.
Today, we delve into the sensitive yet essential topic of discussing death, especially during the holiday season. Our guest, Reverend Jessica Sharp, founder of the Joyful Death Institute, shares their expertise on how to approach conversations about death with family and friends, guiding us through the complexities of these discussions.
Key Highlights:
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The Gift of Preparedness: Reverend Jessica emphasizes the importance of having your "death ducks in a row." From legal paperwork to body disposal wishes and memorial plans, they explain how preparing these details can serve as a tremendous gift for both yourself and your family. Reflecting on their own family dynamics, they shares their journey of navigating difficult conversations around death, offering listeners relatable insights that can inspire similar discussions in their own lives.
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Effective Communication Strategies: Initiating conversations about death can be daunting, but Reverend Jessica provides practical strategies to ease into these discussions. Start by sharing your own wishes, which can create a safe space for others to express their feelings. Simple questions about a loved one’s favorite things can also help gather meaningful information for memorial planning. Additionally, they advise finding the right time and setting for these conversations, ensuring that both parties are in a calm and receptive state.
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Overcoming Fears and Resistance: Many people fear that discussing death may somehow hasten its arrival. Reverend Jessica addresses these common fears and emphasizes the importance of self-compassion, reminding us that while we can’t control others’ responses, we can control our own feelings and reactions. They advocate for building a support system prior to experiencing loss, as this can significantly alleviate the isolating feelings of grief.
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Honoring the Deceased: The episode also highlights the significance of honoring the deceased by spending time with their body before it is taken to a funeral home.
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Spiritual Connections Beyond Death: Reverend Jessica explores the spiritual dimensions of death, sharing their ability to connect individuals with their deceased loved ones. They discuss the concept of the "silver cord" that ties our physical and astral selves, assuring listeners that death does not sever the bonds of love and communication with those who have passed.
With Reverend Jessica's insights, listeners can approach these discussions with greater confidence, fostering deeper connections with their loved ones while honoring the life and legacy of those who have gone before.
Margaret welcomes returning guest Stephen Schettini, a mindfulness teacher and author of acclaimed works such as "The Novice" and "The Art of Letting Go". Stephen shares his journey of exploring the historical Buddha, challenging traditional narratives, and diving deep into the early Buddhist texts of the Pali Canon.
Stephen uncovers intriguing historical contexts that shaped the Buddha’s motivations, especially in light of the geopolitical turmoil in his homeland of Sakya. As Stephen argues, recognizing the potential personal struggles and imperfections of the Buddha not only humanizes him but also makes his teachings accessible to contemporary practitioners facing their existential challenges. He emphasizes that regardless of the Buddha's historical authenticity, the value of his teachings remains profound.
The conversation unveils the Buddha's more relatable and human side, contrasting the idealized depictions often found in Tibetan Buddhism with the practical and psychological insights of the Theravada tradition.
Listeners are invited to reflect on the relevance of the Buddha's teachings in their own lives. Stephen's perspective encourages us to embrace our humanity and engage with mindfulness in its most straightforward form.
Recalling her experiences visiting a California state prison alongside regular guest Venerable De Hong, Margaret Meloni uncovers the raw and profound manifestations of suffering within the correctional environment. Through the stories shared by incarcerated individuals, she highlights the common threads of abuse, abandonment, and addiction that contribute to their circumstances—a powerful reminder of the multifaceted nature of suffering.
We are reminded:
- The purpose of the podcast is to emphasize how understanding individual and collective suffering can guide us through our own struggles and promote healing.
- There is a complex interplay between personal responsibility and societal factors, illustrating how many prisoners grapple with their past while seeking to create positive change.
- Mindfulness meditation practices, integrated with Buddhist teachings, serve as a transformative tool.
- How foundational Buddhist concepts, such as the Four Noble Truths, help us to recognize our capacity for compassion and healing.
Journey through a powerful sutta from the Samyutta Nikaya, where we witness a profound exchange between the Buddha and a newly ordained monk grappling with a severe illness. As the monk confronts his increasing pain and anxiety, the Buddha's compassionate visit becomes a pivotal moment for transformation. Rather than simply seeking to alleviate the monk's physical suffering, the Buddha engages him in a thoughtful Socratic dialogue, guiding him to explore the teachings on impermanence and non-self—core principles of Buddhism that resonate deeply in our lives.
Through a series of thought-provoking questions, the Buddha helps the monk realize that the senses and intellect, which he had previously regarded as integral to his identity, are transient and ultimately cannot be clung to as "self." This exploration leads the monk to a crucial insight: "Whatever is subject to origination is all subject to cessation." As he begins to disassociate from his attachment to these impermanent phenomena, he finds a sense of dispassion that paves the way for liberation from mental suffering, independent of his physical condition.
Consider these thought-provoking questions about the most important individuals in your life. Are you clinging to them out of fear? Or are you nurturing your relationships with love and mindfulness? Know the difference between unhealthy attachment and genuine care, it's natural to love your family and friends, but you must also be prepared to release them if needed. Listeners are invited to engage in a reflective exercise, considering the actions they've taken—or would take—to maintain these vital connections.
Do not abandon your need for companionship. Highlighting the importance of community even among monks and nuns, you are encouraged to think critically about your attachments and to cultivate mindfulness in your interactions. This exploration includes inviting you to contemplate relationships that you avoid and the reasons behind your aversion, considering the emotional costs of such avoidance.
Answer this powerful question: if you had one last opportunity to speak to someone, who would it be?
Clinging to outdated ideas and plans is like trying to control the waves of the ocean - the more we resist, the more frustrated we become. By letting go and accepting impermanence, we can become more resilient and open ourselves up to new possibilities. Shedding our old beliefs and plans, like a snake shedding its skin, allows for personal growth and self-exploration. This process of letting go is part of the journey towards release from suffering.
Listeners are asked to consider these steps to navigate the process of letting go:
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Acknowledge your feelings - It's natural to experience a sense of loss or sadness when letting go, and it's important to give these emotions the space they deserve.
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Take responsibility - Recognize that you have the power to shape your own path and make choices that align with your newfound insights.
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Practice acceptance - Understand that you can't control everything, but you can control your responses. Letting go of attachments to specific outcomes opens you up to new possibilities.
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Welcome new beginnings - Releasing outdated beliefs and plans creates space for new ideas, experiences, and perspectives. It's an opportunity to redefine yourself and your journey.
Reading from the Sallatha Sutta, or "The Arrow," from the Pali Canon, Margaret Meloni explores the intricate nature of suffering and how our responses to pain can significantly impact our mental well-being. By reviewing this essential Buddhist text, we unpack the distinction between the uninstructed ordinary person and the well-instructed disciple of the noble ones, revealing how each navigates the experience of pain and pleasure.
Margaret reminds us of the concept of the "two arrows" that the Buddha speaks of—where the first arrow represents the initial physical pain we encounter, while the second arrow symbolizes the additional mental anguish we inflict upon ourselves through our reactions.
Drawing on relatable examples and insights, she sheds light on how an uninstructed individual might spiral into sorrow and lamentation following an uncomfortable experience, thereby compounding their suffering. In contrast, the well-instructed disciple embraces a more skillful approach, acknowledging pain without layering it with unnecessary grief, confusion, or distraction.
Listeners will gain a deeper understanding of how cultivating wisdom and non-attachment allows one to transcend the second arrow of self-inflicted anguish. Whether you're a longtime practitioner or just curious about Buddhist philosophy, this conversation offers valuable lessons on responding to life's inevitable challenges with grace and insight. Join us for a journey toward liberation from suffering, as we aim to embody the teachings of the Buddha in our everyday lives.
Understand your own limitations and boundaries- before you dive into helping others. There is value in both temporary solutions and empowering others for sustainable change. Every small act of help has significance.
Listeners are encouraged to recognize the interconnectedness of all sentient beings and the impact that your actions can have on the lives of others. Just remember to be self-aware and to avoid unhealthy attachments to helping. You can embrace your role in the larger mosaic of humanity and to make a difference in the world, no matter where you are on our own path.
A conversation with a friend who was feeling overwhelmed by the challenges and crises happening in the world, such as political strife, international conflicts, and environmental disasters, led host Margaret Meloni to focus on the fact that we cannot control the external world. Instead, we must focus on what we can control - our own thoughts, emotions, and actions. Taking refuge in the Triple Gem (Buddha, Dhamma, Sangha) can provide the tools and support needed to navigate these turbulent times. Find refuge in the Triple Gem, as it provides a pathway to liberation from suffering and the opportunity for spiritual awakening and enlightenment.
A heartfelt story of a father reaching out to his daughter during a tumultuous time—her recent breakup. Through a series of poignant text messages, he emphasizes the powerful analogy of bulls and cows when it comes to facing life's challenges. While cows seek shelter during a storm, prolonging their suffering, bulls charge straight through the storm, experiencing the full intensity of the storm but emerging more swiftly on the other side. The father’s advice to his daughter? Embrace the pain and confront her feelings head-on, rather than running away.
This metaphor, illustrates how we all encounter impermanence and loss throughout our lives. From the endings of relationships to the inevitable decline of our own bodies, these experiences shape our journey. But how do we cultivate the courage to face them? Consider the story of a woman coping with alopecia, demonstrating how acceptance can often require a process before it transforms into courage.
You will be encouraged to reflect on the qualities needed to embody the "bull" in your own storms: bravery, self-compassion, and the acceptance that suffering, while inevitable, can be navigated with grace.
Life often throws us into situations that make us ponder our purpose and the impact of our daily actions. The concept of Right Livelihood, part of the Noble Eightfold Path, provides a guiding light, illuminating a path to ethical living and purposeful work.
Join Margaret Meloni as she dives deep into the essence of Right Livelihood, examining how it encourages honesty, fairness, and empathy in all our interactions. We'll discuss how these principles not only contribute to personal satisfaction and spiritual growth but also foster societal well-being.
Learn how to overcome challenges, make mindful decisions, and cultivate healthy work relationships grounded in empathy and respect. By reflecting on your current work environment and taking actionable steps, you can begin to navigate your path towards Right Livelihood, turning everyday tasks into opportunities for personal growth and societal contribution.
Listener Challenge: Reflect on your current work and identify aspects that align or conflict with your personal values. Take one actionable step to bring your professional life closer to the principles of Right Livelihood.
Special guest Simon Bown, a renowned past life regression hypnotherapist, shares his wealth of knowledge and experience in the field, explaining how he guides clients back to their past lives through hypnosis to uncover unresolved trauma and gain insights for healing in their current lifetime.
Through the captivating discussion, Simon and Margaret explore the concept of reincarnation and the Buddhist perspective on suffering, pondering the idea that our souls may choose to endure challenges in different lifetimes in order to learn and evolve. Simon recounts some of his own powerful past life regression experiences, shedding light on how they have shaped his dedication to helping others through this transformative therapy.
Listeners will gain valuable insights into the process of past life regression, including the visualization techniques used to release negative energy and the unexpected revelations and healing that often occur for clients. Simon also highlights the common themes he has observed in past life regressions, emphasizing the importance of self-care and setting boundaries when engaging in this profound work.
As the episode draws to a close, Simon leaves listeners with a powerful message to cultivate a connection with their spirit guides for guidance and support on their soul's journey of growth and evolution. Join Simon and Margaret and explore the mysteries of past lives and gain a deeper understanding of the healing power of past life regression therapy.
Through a series of insightful interviews with guests, Margaret Meloni explores how suffering can manifest mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. The episode highlights the idea that suffering is a natural part of life and serves as a guidepost, signaling when something is out of alignment in our lives.
Listeners are taken on a journey through different perspectives on suffering, from stress and trauma to addiction and physical pain. The episode emphasizes the interconnectedness of suffering and its cessation, viewing them as integral parts of the human experience. Margaret shares valuable insights from her guests, who have experienced suffering firsthand and have dedicated themselves to helping others navigate their own struggles.
The episode concludes with a reflection on the importance of holding space for suffering, without judgment or the need to "fix" it. Listeners are left with a deeper understanding of suffering as a universal human experience and the potential for growth and transformation that can arise from it.
Meet Reverend Jessica Sharpe, founder of the Joyful Death Institute. Reverend Jessica shares their spiritual journey from being raised in a Mormon family to finding Buddhism, particularly the teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh and Tibetan Buddhism. They discuss the Buddhist concept of the Second Noble Truth - the truth of suffering, emphasizing the importance of acknowledging and sitting with suffering rather than trying to intellectualize or fix it.
Reverend Jessica shares how their spiritual journey has helped them develop the ability to hold space for others' suffering with compassion and neutrality, allowing the suffering to move through rather than getting stuck. They believe this is a key part of healing and integration. The conversation then focuses on Reverend Jessica's work with the Joyful Death Institute, where they help people approach death and dying in a more positive, joyful, and enlightening way.
The institute offers services such as transition readings and psychic healings, facilitating discussions around end-of-life wishes, and educating people about Tibetan Buddhist teachings on the stages of consciousness and the process of dying. Reverend Jessica emphasizes the importance of allowing all emotions around death and dying to be present, and shares their self-care practices to sustain themself in this emotionally demanding work, including energetic boundaries, meditation, prayer, and creative outlets like clowning and art. Overall, Reverend Jessica's holistic approach to supporting people through life and death transitions highlights the liberating potential of the dying process.
We all need to have difficult discussions. Host Margaret Meloni shares a personal anecdote about a situation where she avoided giving feedback to an underperforming employee, leading to negative consequences for both parties involved. This serves as a prime example of how avoiding difficult conversations can ultimately do more harm than good.
The concept of "compassionate directness" is introduced as a way to approach challenging discussions with empathy and understanding. By empowering individuals to provide feedback, voice concerns, and disagree in a constructive manner, communication can be more effective and relationships can thrive. It's emphasized that being direct doesn't mean lacking compassion, but rather finding a balance between honesty and empathy.
This understanding can help create a more compassionate and supportive atmosphere where difficult discussions are approached with care and respect. By practicing fierce self-compassion, individuals can address situations where they could have handled things better without harboring negative emotions.
The message of the podcast is clear: by embracing compassionate directness, we can reduce suffering, improve communication, and cultivate more meaningful relationships.
Ryan Gray, shares his personal experience with addiction and homelessness. He describes how addiction can make even basic tasks like getting to a shelter on time incredibly challenging. The stigma around homelessness and addiction often leads people to wrongly assume those struggling can simply "get a job" and fix their problems.
Gray explains that addiction is not about seeking pleasure, but rather about avoiding the excruciating pain and sickness of withdrawal. The addiction becomes all-consuming, leading to desperate and uncharacteristic behaviors just to stave off withdrawal. He emphasizes that addiction is a disease, not a choice, and that willpower alone is often insufficient to overcome it.
Gray's path to recovery involved years of intensive treatment, including inpatient rehab, dual diagnosis programs, and long-term mental health support. He credits the unwavering support of his family, as well as participation in 12-step groups, as crucial to his ability to get and stay sober. The concept of a "higher power" was important, as it helped him let go of the ego and admit he could not conquer the addiction alone.
Now sober since 2007, Gray has channeled his experiences into writing. He reads a poignant excerpt from his book "Twilight in York," which poetically describes the heartbreak and loss he caused his loved ones during his active addiction. Gray sees his writing as a way to help others struggling with addiction and mental illness by sharing his story.
Find out more about Ryan and "Twilight in York," here:
www.twilightinyork.com
https://www.amazon.com/Twilight-York-One-Ryan-Gray/dp/B0CKS6F9XK
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100056778799688
In this episode, we'll explore the Brahma Viharas - the four sublime states of loving-kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity. These meditative practices are key to gaining release from suffering according to the Buddhist tradition.
We'll discuss how the Brahma Viharas work together to purify the mind and prepare it for the path to liberation. Cultivating boundless love, compassion, joy, and equanimity not only benefits ourselves, but also extends these positive qualities to all beings around us.
While the Brahma Viharas are not the ultimate goal in themselves, they are crucial in preparing the mind for the final stages of enlightenment and liberation. By radiating these qualities to all beings, practitioners not only benefit themselves but also contribute to a more compassionate and harmonious world. Tune in to learn more about how these practices can lead to a state of profound inner peace and freedom from suffering.
In this episode of the podcast, host Margaret Meloni explores two poignant stories from the Jataka tales, which are Buddhist stories that recount the Buddha's previous lives. Through these tales, listeners are introduced to the Buddhist ideals of selflessness, compassion, and the acceptance of impermanence. The first story follows the selfless sacrifice of a rabbit who jumps into a fire to feed a holy man, only to discover that the holy man is actually the king of the gods testing the rabbit's virtue. The second story tells of a woodpecker who helps a lion in distress, only to realize the lion's true nature and the importance of setting boundaries.
Throughout the episode, Margaret delves into the themes of generosity, compassion, and drawing on both to ease the suffering of others.
Tune in to discover the rich teachings and insights that the Jataka tales have to offer.
Giselle Taraba shares her insights on how to navigate suffering through the lens of the Buddhist Four Noble Truths, and how she has learned to approach compassion in a grounded and centered way. Her conversation with host, Margaret Meloni touches on the importance of self-compassion and how it serves as a foundation for extending compassion to others without becoming overwhelmed.
Giselle shares her personal journey of leaving a high-stress corporate job to pursue her passion for bringing love, compassion, and spiritual alignment into the workplace. She discusses her upcoming book on reimagining education to incorporate mindfulness and emotional intelligence, and explores the myths surrounding compassion as a sign of weakness. Giselle emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries and practicing self-care as acts of fierce compassion.
Her current book,”Reimagining Work: From Suffering at Work to Creating a More Loving, Compassionate, Abundant, and Spiritually Aligned “Life can be found on Amazon. The episode also delves into the power of finding spiritual practices that help us stay grounded and replenished, and the importance of taking small steps towards our passions to fulfill our highest potential. Giselle’s wisdom and practical advice offer listeners a roadmap for living more joyful and purposeful lives through the transformative power of compassion. Join Margaret and Giselle on this enlightening and inspiring journey towards alleviating suffering and living authentically.
Find Giselle at: https://maitricentre.com/
Let’s consider the fascinating figure of Bodhisattva Avalokiteshvara, also known as Guanyin, in Mahayana Buddhism. We delve into the story of how Avalokiteshvara made a vow to save all sentient beings from suffering, and how he was granted a thousand arms by Buddha Amitabha to better assist those in need.
Avalokiteshvara has become one of the most popular Buddhist bodhisattvas. The “Basket Display” sutra is credited for bringing us the secret six syllable mantra, "Om Mani Padme Hum.” This text also is key in introducing Avalokiteshvara and positioning him as a powerful and compassionate being. One who transcends the realms, one who the Buddha turns to for wisdom.
We examine the complex narratives within the sutra, detailing Avalokiteshvara's activities in various realms and his interactions with other Buddhist figures. You will gain a deeper understanding of Avalokiteshvara's immense merit and powers, as well as the significance of his secret mantra. Overall, this episode provides a comprehensive overview of the Avalokiteshvara figure, his legendary origins, and the profound spiritual significance attributed to him in certain Buddhist traditions.
Margaret welcomes Trinn Hatch, the co-creator of Jampha Tibetan Pharmacy, to discuss the topic of suffering and relief from suffering. Trinn Hatch shares his own remarkable journey with suffering, from a severe leg injury that almost resulted in amputation to finding healing through cannabinoids, CBD, and terpenes. His dedication to helping others find relief from their suffering is truly inspiring.
Trinn's personal story is one of resilience, faith, and the transformative power of traditional Tibetan medicine. Through his own healing journey, he discovered the importance of holistic approaches, personalized protocols, and the spiritual and emotional aspects of healing. His collaboration with Amchi Thubten La has deepened his understanding of healing and led to the development of unique formulas like "Healing Heart" to address emotional and spiritual blockages.
Listeners will be intrigued by Trinn's insights on issues like Lyme disease, mold, and fungus, and how his company has created protocols to address these underlying causes of suffering. His emphasis on self-care, regeneration, and the integration of meditative and spiritual components into healing processes provides valuable guidance for those seeking relief from their own suffering.
Overall, this episode is a powerful exploration of suffering, healing, and the profound potential of Tibetan medicine. Trinn’s story and dedication to helping others find relief from suffering serve as a source of inspiration and hope for all who are on their own healing journey. Make sure to tune in to this insightful and transformative conversation.
Learn more at jamphha.com, mention the Death Dhamma podcast for a free consultation – sign up at heal.me/jampha
Note: This podcast is not medical guidance. If you are experiencing physical pain or illness, be sure to work with your own medical professional.
In this podcast episode, Margaret Meloni shares her personal journey of finding relief from suffering during times of grief and loss. She emphasizes the importance of practicing self-compassion and allowing oneself to feel uncomfortable with death and grief as a normal human experience. Meloni discusses the benefits of being present and not getting caught up in being productive or avoiding the pain of grief.
Listeners will hear how Meloni found solace in practicing gratitude, caring for her pets, and engaging with Buddhist teachings on impermanence and death. She shares how teachings such as the Four Noble Truths and dependent origination helped her come to terms with the reality of mortality and reduce her suffering. Meloni encourages consistent spiritual practice and finding teachings that resonate with each individual's beliefs and values.
The key message of the episode is that by practicing self-compassion, gratitude, and engaging with teachings on impermanence, listeners can find relief from suffering and a greater sense of ease during life's most challenging moments. Join Margaret Meloni as she offers insight and guidance on finding peace and comfort in the face of grief and loss.
In this episode, Margaret is honored to host Venerable Clear Grace Dayananda, an ordained Buddhist monastic in both the Mahayana and Theravada tradition. Known as the "Traveling Nunk," Venerable Clear Grace shares her experiences of living in the heart of New Orleans' Seventh Ward, a historically significant black community. She describes the vibrancy and diversity of life in her urban surroundings, reflecting on the natural and human-made sounds that define her daily existence.
You can support her by visiting, https://travelingnunk.org/.
Venerable Clear Grace talks about her mission to offer refuge to those in need, sharing the power of dharma within her community. She discusses her plans to continue her travels once her roots are established in New Orleans and invites dharma friends worldwide to visit and experience the city's rich culture and history.
Engaging in a deep conversation about the acceptance of the nature of things, Venerable Clear Grace elucidates the concepts of equanimity and the noble truth of suffering. She shares her perspective on perceiving all components of life, both pleasant and unpleasant, as a unified, intrinsic part of the existence. She emphasizes the profound understanding of the origin and cessation of suffering, which, she believes, enriches the overall life experience.
This conversation provides a thought-provoking exploration of the intersections between urban living, spiritual practice, and community engagement. Tune in to learn more about Venerable Clear Grace's journey and her teachings on embracing all aspects of life through the lens of dharma.
Today, we delve into the fascinating story of Anāthapiṇḍika, chief patron of Buddha and the figure behind the creation of Jeta’s Grove Monastery. Known as the 'Great Benefactor', Anāthapiṇḍika's unrelenting support and generosity towards Buddha and his monks enabled them to spend twenty-five fruitful retreats in Sāvatthi. His significant contributions, however, extend beyond mere financial support.
His contributions led to the establishment of a treasured body of knowledge in early Buddhism.
Anāthapiṇḍika's story is also one of humility. Despite his prominent role, he often hesitated to seek personal advice out of fear of accusations of trading his donations for special attention.
In this episode, we'll unpack the rich legacy left behind by Anāthapiṇḍika, who was not just the benefactor to the Buddha and his monks, but a benefactor to the countless others who would follow the path of the Buddha. His story serves as a reminder that generosity extends beyond material wealth and is truly about the creation and sharing of wisdom. Join us on this philosophical journey as we explore the teachings, contributions and legacy of Anāthapiṇḍika.
In this episode of the Death Dhamma podcast, we speak to Reverend Christine Davies, a hospital chaplain, writer, and an 'evangelist for grief'. Christine is also well-versed in cognitive behavioral therapy, Reiki, and is a seminary professor. Besides her professional interests, she is also a triathlete and a beekeeper.
Christine shares her thoughts on suffering and how she views her main calling, which is to be with others who are suffering. She talks about her work as a hospital chaplain, teaching students and clergy on how to be at the bedside of someone who is suffering or dying. She also provides spiritual direction to individuals, helping them deepen their own spiritual life and ask larger questions that society doesn't always allow for.
One of the central themes of this episode is the idea of suffering and the human condition, which Christine relates to spiritual distress. She talks about how suffering comes from a sense of disconnection, either with oneself, other people, or something transcendent. This concept is explored in depth, with Christine differentiating between adversity and suffering.
A personal story is shared by Christine about her health struggles and how it led her to the path she is on now. She discusses how her journey through hospitalizations, guesswork, trial and error with medications, and eventually a diagnosis of generalized epilepsy, shaped her understanding of suffering and deepened her desire to help others navigate through their own experiences of suffering.
This episode is a deep dive into the nature of suffering, the importance of spiritual care, and the immense value of providing a space for individuals to voice their feelings and make sense of their experiences. It illustrates how personal experiences can shape our professional paths and deepen our understanding of the human condition.
In this episode, we consider Simon Boaz and his perspective as he faces his own impending death. He shares his perspective on life and the importance of appreciating the experiences we have had, rather than focusing on what is missing. While not specifically a Buddhist, his outlook aligns with some Buddhist teachings. Specifically encouraging us to make good use of our human life and recognize the gift that it is. He acknowledges the letdown of the medical process in his own situation, but refuses to live with blame and anger, knowing that it will only serve to make his remaining time more difficult.
Drawing from his letter, ‘A Beginners Guide to Death,’ we learn that he expresses gratitude for the support and compassion he has received from loved ones and strangers alike. He reflects on the accomplishments and adventures he has had throughout his life, emphasizing that it's not about the length of time lived, but the quality of the moments experienced. Carpe diem, seize the day, and enjoy the small ways in which we can bring happiness to others.
He also shares his belief in the existence of something beyond this life, stating that what will truly survive of us is love. While he acknowledges that we don't know for certain what comes next, he finds it unlikely that our existence is simply a fleeting blip between eternities of nothingness. He emphasizes the incredible luck and improbable circumstances that have brought each of us into existence, comparing it to winning the jackpot every day.
Ultimately, his words encourage us to reflect on our own lives, appreciate the joys and love experienced, and find gratitude for the opportunity to have lived at all. It serves as a reminder to make the most of our time and strive to bring happiness to others, embracing the uncertainty of what lies beyond with a sense of hope and wonder.
In this episode of the Death Dhamma Podcast, host Margaret welcomes Linda Hochstetler, an accomplished social worker, psychotherapist, Buddhist meditation teacher, and author of the book "21 Days to Die, The Canadian Guide to End of Life." Linda shares her passion for the topic of illness, dying, and death, and how she combines her expertise in grief work, hospice palliative care, Buddhism, and meditation to bring a unique perspective to her work.
Margaret and Linda discuss the second noble truth of suffering and how it can be interpreted in different ways. Linda emphasizes the importance of recognizing both small T trauma and capital T trauma, and how these daily struggles and losses can wear on us. They also delve into the chronology of dying and death, highlighting the significance of the dying process and the cascading losses that occur leading up to the last breath.
The conversation takes an intimate turn as Margaret shares a personal experience with her father's death and the relief that came with understanding the stages of dying. Linda explains how recognizing the signs of impending death can bring comfort to caregivers and loved ones, as it signifies that the suffering is almost over for the dying person.
Lastly, Linda opens up about a tragic event in her own life that shaped her understanding of suffering at a young age. She shares the story of her boyfriend's sudden death and how it thrust her into a club she never wanted to join, but which ultimately deepened her connection to the truth of suffering.
Tune in as Margaret and Linda explore the complexities of death, grief, and finding meaning in the face of suffering.
Tune in as we explore the profound impact of a small act of kindness, reminding us all of the tremendous difference we can make in someone else's life if we are mindful and empathetic. This heartwarming story serves as a metaphor for how we can confront feelings of failure and despair in our lives and those around us. Could we not do the same, if we try?
This episode asks you to reflect - is it not true that we all have the capacity to offer a helping hand, to lift someone's spirits, to remind them that they are not alone? How often do we let these moments pass us by, engrossed in our worlds, not realizing what a small act could mean for someone else? This episode invites you to think, to feel, and above all, to care. Come join us in this enriching journey as we challenge ourselves to live more consciously, more kindly.
Today we explore the deep, historical connection between humans and two of our most enduring companions - horses and dogs. We delve into the intricacies of how these magnificent creatures have shaped our evolution just as we have shaped theirs. From the wide-stretching plains where horses have galloped alongside us, to the edges of forests where dogs have keenly observed us- we uncover the deep-rooted bond that has formed over eons.
Horses and dogs have been there for us, in countless ways that continue to evolve. Now, let's shine a light on how these wonderful creatures continue to give, as we explore the transformative world of horse and dog therapy. These animals play a crucial role in our journey towards healing and finding release from suffering.
Yet, we are compelled to remember that our growth and evolution has a profound impact on these creatures and the ecosystems they inhabit. As we evolve, so do they. As we benefit, so should they. Our mission is not just to explore our relationship with them but to understand how we can ensure their well-being, and avoid causing them harm.
Join us, as we explore the symbiotic relationship between humans, horses, and dogs. Tune in for a rich, insightful discussion that promises to be as educational as it is moving.
In this episode, we explore the unexpected ways in which caring for a pet can provide purpose and comfort during difficult times. Our pets can help bring us release from suffering. We discuss how, amidst the business of death and the turmoil of grief, the presence of pets can deliver a comforting sense of stability and routine.
Some days, the company of a pet offers comfort when human interaction may be too overwhelming. With a pet you always having someone to come home to - someone who is always excitedly awaiting your return. And if you're someone who often talks to yourself, like many of us do, having a pet around ensures that there's a listener on the other side - a vivid reminder that you're not alone.
This episode also addresses the sentimental connection that pets can hold as a cherished shared memory of a departed loved one. We also delve into the fun, quirky, and sometimes humbling aspects of having a pet, discussing how they're quick to remind us that we are not the center of the universe - and that they, sometimes, need to be fed too!
Finally, we talk about the unexpected joys and distractions our pets provide, whether it's dragging ribbons out from the hidden corners of the home or initiating a wake-up call. We conclude by reminding our listeners that while pets are a fantastic source of companionship and support, they can't replace professional help when it's needed. So, tune in and join us as we unravel the deep, beautiful bond between humans and their furry friends!
Bodhisatta or Bodhisattva is a term often used to describe an enlightened individual who possesses wisdom and compassion. These are people who demonstrate the paramitas or perfections in their lifestyle. We says this as a compliment, a form of admiration.
The definition of Bodhisattva extends beyond being a beacon of relief in a world of suffering, especially when considering the term across the three major ways of being Buddhist - Theravāda, Mahāyana, and Vajrayāna. However, we won't explore a full-scale exposition of what Bodhisattva signifies in these varied paths of Buddhism this time around. Instead, we ponder, how fully developed does one need to be in order to help others with their suffering?
Are all those who help others deal with their suffering Bodhisattvas? Must one wait to embark on the noble journey of aiding others in their suffering?
In this thought-provoking episode, we delve Buddhist practice, exploring the profound connections between mettā practice and the concept of merit. We ponder whether these two aspects are separate or intertwined, and how they can complement each other in our journey towards inner peace and compassion.
We begin with a contemplation of mettā, alternatively known as loving-kindness or goodwill, and its role in directing well-wishes and positive intentions towards others. We discuss how genuine mettā goes beyond mere words and is fundamentally about wishing genuine happiness and well-being for everyone- even those we find challenging.
Transitioning smoothly into the concept of merit, we consider how it is intrinsically linked to our actions and intentions. Merit, as we discuss, is a positive force accruing from our good deeds, but it’s not just about the deeds themselves, it's about the intentions behind them. It is the actions we take with a mind free of ill will that truly generate merit.
In the final segment, we explore how mettā and merit work hand-in-hand. We discuss how cultivating mettā can create an environment conducive for generating merit, and how, in turn, this merit can be dedicated to all beings, working towards a world free from suffering.
As we journey deeper into this season, we anticipate the theme of compassion to be a recurring motif in our discussions with those who work tirelessly to ease the sufferings of others. Compassion, while not always verbally expressed, is often the undercurrent that drives their actions and fuels their motivations.
This episode kicks off with an interesting anecdote from Margaret’s past - a statement made by an academic teacher claiming the absence of compassion in Theravada Buddhism. This claim, which left a deep impression, led her to an explorative quest on the existence of compassion in the Pali Canon. She spent time with these ancient texts to uncover the truth.
Margaret seeks to debunk the misunderstood notion that the Pali Canon holds no teachings on compassion. Through research and critical examination of the texts, she reveals the innate presence of compassion within Theravada Buddhism. Here's a spoiler: compassion is real and it's powerful. It's in the way we recognize another's suffering, empathize with them, and are spurred into action to alleviate their pain.
Join Margaret as she unravels the profound essence of compassion in the philosophy of Theravada Buddhism, and how it continues to inspire and drive people to make a difference in the world.
What if suffering acts as a compass, guiding us towards areas of our life that require care and attention? Suffering signals us that we are out of alignment with our true selves and need to course-correct. When we ignore this signal we will encounter tangible pain and emotional suffering both stemming from a resistance to change and progress.
In a recent episode of the podcast, Reevaluating the Idea of Selfishness in Buddhism, we discussed the need to help ourselves. This concept surfaces again as Renee reminds us of the importance of the expression, “If you want to change the world, start by changing yourself.” Renee explains that disconnection is the root of human suffering. This feeling of disconnection, she suggests, is at the heart of many anxieties, depressions, and dysfunctions. If we each work to heal our own trauma and emotional wounds, we can be show up on the world feeling connected and healthy and ready to be who and what we are truly meant to be.
Join Margaret and Renee as they navigate this existential journey, inviting you to look deeply at your own interconnectedness with the world around you. Be reminded of the elemental nature of your existence: the air you breathe, the gravity that grounds you, and the water that flows through your body. This episode promises to inspire introspection, what healing are you working on, and how does disconnection play a role in your suffering.
Let’s delve into a commonly misunderstood aspect of Buddhism, particularly Theravada Buddhism – the concept of helping others as part of you spiritual journey. There's a prevalent misconception that according to Buddhist teachings, you should solely focus on your own liberation before turning your attention to help others..
Does this really imply a dismissal of helping others? Margaret argues that this is not the case. She believes that Buddhism, in all its forms, encourages us to support others. Moreover, she suggests that our own liberation is intricately connected to the liberation of others.
Through this discussion, Margaret aims to dispel misconceptions and provide deep insights into the compassionate core of Buddhism. She discusses the importance of helping others on their spiritual journey and how it contributes to your own progress and enlightenment. This episode will leave you with a renewed perspective on your own spiritual path and the role you play in others' journeys.
Dive into this thought-provoking episode as Stephen and Margaret delve into the most common suffering that many people encounter - low self-esteem. We explore the often overlooked consequence of self-doubt, the tendency to put others first to our own detriment, and how these feed into a cycle of disrespect – towards ourselves and from others.
Their discussion shifts towards the complexity of relationships and how they can often become a battlefield of dominance, with the stronger personality frequently overpowering the less assertive one. Stephen points out the rarity of perfectly balanced relationships, reflecting on the significant amount of dedication, attentiveness, and most importantly, mindfulness they require.
Continuing on philosophical journey, Stephen reminds us of the importance of respecting oneself and understanding our own needs. He emphasizes the critical role of fostering relationships that encourage this self-discovery and highlight when we compromise ourselves.
In this candid discourse, Margaret and Stephen touch on the often neglected aspect of self-care – valuing ourselves and caring for our emotional and spiritual well-being. We contemplate how neglect in these areas can lead to unhappiness and suffering in our relationships.
To wrap up, they return to the teachings of Buddha, not as a belief system, but as practical steps towards understanding ourselves and liberating ourselves from our own intense struggle. Drawing on the wisdom etched on the old temple at Delphi, "know thyself," they discuss the importance of self-realization and recognizing our own worth as crucial steps towards happiness.
And be sure to access this eBook from Stephen on the art of letting go - https://schettini.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/ArtOfLettingGo.pdf
Often, we perceive Buddhists as solitary figures, lost in the realms of meditation and self-reflection. But is this the whole picture? Is Buddhism just about individual enlightenment, or does it also advocate service to others?
The story of Buddhism begins with the Buddha, who walked a path of solitude, wisdom, and enlightenment. Yet, he initially hesitated to share his profound understanding of life and existence, fearing that it might be too complex for others to grasp. Nonetheless, he was persuaded that at least some would comprehend and benefit from his teachings. His decision to share his enlightenment sprouted from a profound sense of compassion and a desire to alleviate suffering.
Thus began the cycle of passing on wisdom and compassion, with disciples becoming teachers, and teachings resonating through the ages. This chain of enlightenment continues to this very day. Could it be then, that the essence of Buddhism lies not only in the pursuit of personal enlightenment but also in compassionately helping others?
Season 4 of the Death Dhamma podcast kicks off on Monday, February 5, 2024. It's time to take a look at the people in this world who help to alleviate the suffering of other beings. Maybe they help people, maybe they help animals, we want to know them. To learn how they do it, and how they spark their compassion. We also want to explore teachings, practices, and stories around freeing others from suffering. Why? Because each of us, in our way can help. We too, can bring relief to ourselves and others.
One day, a member of the group I meditated with said to me, “You write and talk about when a friend or family member dies, but what about when we lose our pets?” She had recently lost a cat who had been by her side for nineteen years. This loss was deep and painful. I carried her question with me and contemplated how best to write about grieving our animal friends. Around the same time, another friend told me they thought it would be interesting if my next book was about the spiritual nature of our pets. This, too, was a compelling idea.
I began to realize that I did not have anything new to add to the topic of grieving our pets. If I wrote something, I would most likely be recycling my thoughts around how Buddhism can help us with death and grief.
For me, the teachings that helped with the death of family and friends were also helpful when it came time to say goodbye to pets because at some point, many of us have stopped looking at our pets as animals, and we have elevated them to a place where we might even hold them in higher regard than the people around us.
From theses thoughts emerged my new book, Enlightenment Unleashed: How Your Pet Can Lead You to Spiritual Transformation. Today, I share with you some thoughts on our pets, and attachment and suffering.
In this heartwarming episode, we delve into an often overlooked aspect of legacy planning: emotional life insurance. We acknowledge the importance of financial life insurance and how it protects our loved ones in our absence. But our conversation takes a unique turn as we ponder on the importance of leaving an emotional cushion for our dear ones.
Dr. Kimberly Harms, shares her compelling views on how our culture tends to shy away from such dialogues, and the impact of continuous conversations can have on providing emotional stability. Margaret shares her forward-thinking parents approach and how they prepared her for their departure, providing a safety net she didn't even realize she needed.
Our conversation then moves to practical ways to offer emotional support to our loved ones. The last part of our Kimberly’s book provides a comprehensive ‘death preppers workbook.' Listen in as she discusses her personal endeavors from the workbook, such as writing posthumous letters to her children and grandchildren, detailing her love and gratitude for them.
The episode ends on a hopeful note, emphasizing the importance of reflecting on the happy times with our loved ones, despite the inevitable pain of loss. Join us in this emotionally charged episode, as we explore how we can provide our loved ones with the emotional support they'll need after we pass.
And be sure to check out, Are You Ready? How to Build a Legacy to Die For
In this thought-provoking episode, our guest Seth delves into the primary sources of inspiration for his latest book, The House We Live In: Virtue, Wisdom, and Pluralism. In the wake of the 2016 elections, he felt compelled to discuss the competencies, understandings, habits, and skills vital for the survival of democracy, as he perceived it to be under threat. Seth also draws from his previous work comparing Buddhist and Aristotelian views of the good life, extending this comparison to Confucianism. He examines these three ancient approaches to understanding flourishing, virtue, and wisdom, and seeks to derive commonalities applicable in a modern ethical context.
Our conversation takes a turn as Seth and Margaret discuss the continuing threat to democracy in 2023. Seth emphasizes the need for constant vigilance and renewal of our commitment to democracy, as it is always at risk. The conversation evolves into an exploration of pluralism, the conflict of differing visions of a good life, and the challenges of cohabitation amidst diversity.
Seth provides a detailed explanation of flourishing-based ethics, stating that virtues like honesty, courage, fairness, and the ability to control emotions are crucial to leading a better life. He also highlights the importance of being emotionally satisfied, having meaningful relationships, appreciating aesthetics, and being fully present in life to achieve a state of flourishing. Seth believes that classical virtues and wisdom, as emphasized by Aristotle, Buddha, and Confucius, are crucial to leading such a life.
Seth calls for an ethical reset, asserting that engaging in virtues not only helps us live better lives but also contributes to a better society. This episode makes for a thought-provoking listen on the intertwining of ethics, democracy, and human flourishing.
Memento Mori- A healthy way to remember that we are going to die. That doesn’t make it easy.
Join as Margaret Meloni and Francesca Arnoldy thoughtfully, joyfully, and peacefully discusses what it means to do the work. And how all of us can benefit from being prepared to face death.
This is a special between-season episode of The Deatth Dhamma podcast.
If you are willing to do the work, then the Death Doula’s Guide to Living Fully and Dying Prepared will by your gentle guide. With thoughtful exercises and meaningful reflections, you can proceed at your own pace, and gain peace and perspective as you help yourself and others prepare for the end of life.
And please enjoy this gift from Francesca, an excerpt from the Death Doula’s Guide to Living Fully and Dying Prepared
https://contemplativedoula.files.wordpress.com/2023/08/excerpt_deathdoulasguide.pdf
Welcome back to another episode of the Death Dhamma podcast! In our previous episode, we were deeply inspired by Whitney Sause's transformative journey and her insights into Buddhism, attachment, and personal growth. Whitney's story resonated with us as she shared her experiences of disconnecting from a challenging lifestyle and finding a new path.
During her six-month retreat, Whitney embraced the practice of Buddhism and meditation, which became an integral part of her life. However, she also came to a point where she realized that she needed to find equanimity with the role of Buddhism in her journey. This led to a profound realization that she could imagine a life without it, without clinging or becoming overly attached to any particular belief or practice.
We also delved into the idea of the future self, acknowledging that the person we are today is simply passing the baton to the future version of ourselves. Whitney embraced this concept with openness, refusing to hold onto a fixed idea of who she must become. This sentiment perfectly aligns with the teachings from the Bhaddekaratta Sutta, where we are encouraged to let go of chasing the past and placing expectations on the future.
By reflecting on this passage, we are reminded that dwelling on the past or fixating on the future only leads to suffering. Instead, we can focus on the present moment and embrace the practice of letting go. In doing so, we can work towards making amends for past mistakes and not be burdened by them. Similarly, overly anticipating the future and becoming attached to specific outcomes can also bring about suffering.
As we take a brief hiatus before Season 4, we can rest assured that the theme of attachment will resurface in future episodes. After all, attachment is an inherent part of our human experience as we navigate the world and seek to alleviate suffering. The teachings and discussions shared by our wise teachers aim to help us make the most of this lifetime and ultimately prepare for a peaceful death, while accepting the inevitable loss of our loved ones along the way.
So, until we meet again, dear listeners, keep practicing in the present moment and stay open to the ever-changing journey of life. Who knows what tomorrow holds? See you soon!
In this episode of the podcast, Margaret introduces Whitney Sause, a Buddhist practitioner who has used Buddhism to navigate through significant challenges in her life. Whitney shares her journey of how she integrated Buddhism and attachment to overcome anger management issues and other difficulties. Whitney explains that her journey with anger began before her time in the military, as she was raised in an abusive and chaotic environment that lacked emotional processing skills. Seeking a way to escape the trauma, she enlisted in the military, which only reinforced her emotional walls and guardedness.
Whitney discusses the unique challenges faced by veterans and how Buddhism can help them navigate through their experiences. She reflects on the expectation for veterans to be tough and stoic, while vulnerability is often frowned upon. Whitney shares a pivotal moment in her life when the death of a friend made her realize the need for change. She made the decision to detach from her old lifestyle, disconnect from all her friends and family, and embark on a six-month journey of retreat and sobriety.
Throughout the episode, Whitney emphasizes the importance of self-reflection and breaking free from societal expectations. She recounts the moment she decided to visit her old partying scene after six months of retreat and sobriety, only to realize that people had let go of the person they thought she was. This experience reaffirmed her commitment to her new path and reinforced her faith in sobriety.
Join Margaret and Whitney as they delve into the intersection of Buddhism, attachment, and personal growth, exploring how these practices can provide guidance and healing in the face of life's challenges.
As we approach the end of season 3, Margaret finds herself reflecting on the lessons and challenges that come with planning a podcast. She realizes that there is an element of clinging involved in wanting to continue creating the podcast. However, she also acknowledges that if it is time to let go, then it is time to let go.
One of the attachments she has is the belief that she must be the sole creator of podcast ideas. This mindset stems from her tendency to work independently, which often leads to aversion when it comes to asking for help. It is a form of clinging to her own perception of self.
Despite the discussions, teachings, and personal reflections on clinging, craving, and aversion that we've explored in season 3, she finds herself still navigating these human tendencies
Recently, she had a realization that she didn’t have to figure everything out on her own. In a previous episode, she asked for input, and during a lunch with friends, she explained her dilemma. The conversation led to a suggestion: exploring Buddhist nonprofits and healing practitioners and how they help others find release from suffering. This idea resonated with Margaret, as it aligns with the theme of overcoming attachment and finding liberation.
In this upcoming season 4, Margaret will lead the way and dive into the lives and practices of those who dedicate themselves to helping others alleviate suffering. She will explore different perspectives, such as the bodhisattva path of self-sacrifice and the belief that one's own practice and release from suffering should come first. However, it is important to note that these views are not necessarily opposing; rather, they can coexist. She will also discuss the importance of compassion towards us and others throughout our own personal journeys.
Before we officially wrap up season 3, there is one more interview lined up, where our guest will share her experiences with attachment and how she has dealt with loss. After that, we will take a hiatus with a special episode in October, November, and December.
But fear not, as the Death Dhamma podcast will return with season 4 in January. You are invited to send your requests and suggestions for topics and individuals you would like to hear from.
Today we delve into the teachings of the Pali Canon and explore the wisdom imparted by our esteemed teachers. Today, let's reflect on the concepts of tanha and dukkha, as elucidated in these verses:
"When this sticky, uncouth craving overtakes you in the world, your sorrows proliferate like wild grass after rain. However, if you are able to overcome this craving, which is hard to escape, your sorrows will roll off you like water beads off a lotus." (Dhp 335-336)
“Just as a tree, even when cut, can grow back if its root remains undamaged and strong, so too can suffering return repeatedly if latent craving is not rooted out.” (Dhp 338)
From these verses in the Dhammapada, we can make two observations: first, if our cravings dominate us, we will experience much sorrow; second, if we gain control over our cravings, we will encounter less difficulty. However, it is important to note that conquering cravings does not guarantee a life devoid of challenges. Rather, it enables us to navigate those challenges with greater skill and wisdom.
It is important to understand that it is not inherently wrong to desire or want something. What leads us down the path of unskillful attachment or desire is lobha, greed. Greed manifests when we crave more even when we have enough, when we hoard possessions that could benefit others, or when we lie, cheat, or steal to acquire something we intensely desire.
For those of us on this path, who are yet to attain enlightenment, experiencing greed is likely. The remedy for greed is found in generosity. Recognize the presence of greed within, understand that it is a natural part of our human condition, and embrace the opportunity to learn and release ourselves from suffering. Observe your feelings nonjudgmentally and with compassion, and work on uprooting these unskillful tendencies.
Like a skillful gardener tending to their plot, approach the roots of greed, anger, and delusion with patience and understanding. Instead of reacting with anger or surprise at what has rooted, simply identify it, analyze it, and use the appropriate tool, or in this case, the antidote. Generosity acts as a powerful antidote to greed.
So, let us embark on this journey together, paying close attention to what arises within us, the feelings that surface, and how we respond. Let us cultivate a nonjudgmental and compassionate attitude towards ourselves, nurturing the roots of skillful behavior.
In this episode, we explore the topic of attachment and its role in our lives. Dr. Seth Zuiho Segal challenges the common belief that Buddhism advocates for non-attachment in all aspects of life. He explains that there are different kinds of attachments, including attachments to people, objects, opinions, and self-identity. While certain attachments can be limiting, Seth argues that relationships are crucial for our overall well-being and that they provide an opportunity to practice mindfulness and compassion. He encourages listeners to prioritize the quality of their relationships and to embrace the complexities of attachment.
Venerable De shares personal experience of forming attachments to people who mistreated him and the subsequent impact on his self-worth. He emphasizes the importance of letting go of negative self-views and hard feelings towards abusers in order to move forward and live a healthy life. Venerable De also highlights the significance of offering loving kindness and compassion, both to oneself and to others, as a means of healing and finding solace in difficult times.
Mary Stancavage, discusses the concept of letting go of attachments to certain identities or perceptions of oneself. She reflects on her own journey of rediscovering her passion for archaeology without attaching her self-worth to it. Mary advises listeners to dig deep and question the underlying motivations behind their attachments, suggesting that the true source of discomfort often lies beneath the surface.
Dave Smith cautions against viewing attachment as inherently negative. He argues that it is rather the greed and clinging associated with attachment that can lead to suffering. Dave introduces the term "lobha" or greed and explains its role in fueling attachment. He encourages listeners to practice kindness and patience towards themselves and others, emphasizing the importance of cultivating a metta (loving-kindness) practice.
Throughout the episode, the speakers challenge common misconceptions about attachment and offer insights into how we can navigate its complexities. They highlight the role of relationships, self-reflection, and mindfulness in finding balance and fostering well-being. By exploring the nuances of attachment, listeners are encouraged to develop a greater understanding of themselves and their connections to others.
In today's episode, we will be contemplating the rules and our responses to them, drawing examples from both professional and spiritual realms.
In her professional life, Margaret teaches project management, guiding individuals in planning and implementing various initiatives. In an introductory course, participants often question the necessity of following all the recommended best practices. Margaret explains that while they are not obligated to do so, it is important to be aware of these tools and practices, as you cannot utilize what you do not know exists. By ignoring these tools, you may miss out on valuable insights and potential positive outcomes.
Moving on to more advanced discussions, Margaret emphasize the importance of understanding rules before choosing to disregard them. In certain professional settings, there are individuals who can go against organizational culture or policies without facing negative repercussions. These individuals possess a deep understanding of what they are doing and why, exhibiting wisdom in their actions. It is not about rebellious rule-breaking, but rather the discernment gained through experience and knowledge.
Now, let us shift our focus to our spiritual practice. Reflecting on our previous episode, where we explored the Noble Eightfold Path, we realize that our Buddhist practice has its own set of rules. However, it is crucial to remember that these rules are not meant for cherry-picking.
You may have come across the Kalama sutta, which some individuals use as an opportunity to dismiss Buddhist teachings. This sutta encourages us to question and validate our beliefs through personal experience and wisdom. It highlights the need to be mindful of our intentions and the potential harm that may arise from unskillful qualities.
Traditions should not be followed blindly solely because they are traditions, and reports cannot be trusted solely based on the reliability of their sources. Our own preferences should not guide us unless they are thoroughly tested and proven beneficial. It is essential to practice appropriate attention and seek guidance from wise individuals, which we refer to as having admirable friends.
In our own journeys of self-discovery, we can benefit from incorporating these ideas into our own practice and rules. Before making decisions, we should inquire about our intentions, consider the likely outcomes, and seek the counsel of those we trust and admire. By doing so, we can cultivate wisdom and make choices that align with our spiritual path.
Congratulations, after much work, you have reached the mountain top and are wise. Now, all you need to do is sit back, and relax. Enjoy the rest of your time in this life and revel in your wisdom.
You know better! Wisdom is challenging to obtain, and requires work to maintain. In our last episode, we gained a shamanic perspective on the four challenges we face as we seek wisdom.
Today, we will consider those challenges, and consider some Buddhist teachings on wisdom. Specifically on the Noble Eightfold Path and how sila, samadhi, and prajna support us and sustain us on the path.
In this episode, Margaret reconnects with Mike Sanders, a shaman who shares his journey and experiences with Native American Indian practices. They discuss how different paths can lead to the same goal of finding peace and less suffering in life. Mike talks about his upbringing and how his Native American heritage influenced his decision to explore shamanism. He shares how he stumbled upon a book on shamanism that resonated with him and led him to practice Native American traditions.
Mike also discusses the challenges he faced in being accepted by the Native American community due to his appearance. He eventually embarked on a journey of self-discovery and training in shamanic practices, which gave him the confidence to develop his own ceremonies and practices that resonate with him.
The conversation then shifts to the topic of attachment and non-attachment. Margaret and Mike discuss their own experiences with attachment to beliefs and practices when starting their spiritual journeys. They talk about the importance of questioning and validating one's beliefs and staying open to different perspectives.
Mike shares a story about the four challenges of wisdom, which include overcoming fear, validating clarity, using power wisely, and accepting one's own mortality. He emphasizes that these challenges must be faced every day and that true wisdom requires constant work and self-reflection.
The episode concludes with a discussion on the concept of the dream in shamanism. Mike explains that the Toltecs believed that we dream when we sleep and when we awaken, we continue to dream. He introduces the agreements from the book "The Four Agreements" and how they relate to the concept of the dream, emphasizing the importance of not being affected by others' opinions and actions, avoiding assumptions, clear communication, and always doing one's best.
Overall, this episode provides insights into shamanic practices, the challenges of spiritual growth, and the concept of the dream in Native American traditions. Mike's personal journey serves as an inspiration for listeners to explore their own paths to finding peace and less suffering in their lives.
Check out a TedX talk with Mike here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=094bnth7EzY
And his book Brain Flip here: https://www.amazon.com/Brain-Flip-Challenge-Michael-Sanders/dp/B09Q8YMC3H
In this introspective episode, Margaret delves into the concept of rebirth and its impact on our lives. Initially, rebirth was just a distant belief for her, something she didn't ponder upon often. However, as she immersed herself in the teachings of Buddhism, rebirth started to become something more tangible, something she contemplated deeply.
Through her interactions with various Buddhist groups and teachers, Margaret was exposed to intriguing ideas surrounding rebirth. The notion that we have all been in each other's lives across multiple lifetimes, or that unresolved issues with certain individuals persist from one lifetime to another, sparked her curiosity. She even shared a playful exchange with a classmate, joking that he had killed her in a past life, until the weight of its potential truth burdened him. They eventually moved on, but the notion of rebirth lingered in her mind.
As she faced the possibility of never seeing certain individuals again, whether due to death or them moving away, she turned to the idea of rebirth as a source of solace. It became a defense mechanism, a way to cope with the attachment she had developed towards these people. The thought that they would meet again in another life eased the sadness within her. However, upon introspection, she realized that this reliance on rebirth was not a reflection of secure attachment. It was merely a tool she used to arrive at a place of secure attachment, as she navigated the complexities of human connections and emotions.
Through exploring the lens of connection styles and psychology, Margaret came to understand that clinging to the idea of rebirth to cope with separation does not align with the teachings of Buddhism. In a profound conversation with her teacher, she posed the question of whether it's better to mourn birth and celebrate death, as we shouldn't desire for someone to return. His response challenged her perspective, highlighting the uncertainty surrounding the rebirth of individuals and emphasizing that our ultimate wish should be for liberation from suffering, for an end to the cycle of rebirth.
With this newfound wisdom, she realized that she should not use the concept of rebirth as a crutch to ease the pain of someone leaving my life. Instead, she should learn to let go with grace and appreciation for the time shared. Rather than relying on the belief that we will meet again in a future life, she aspires to cherish the present moment and wish them well on their journey, whether it be a favorable rebirth or, even better, liberation from rebirth altogether.
Join Margaret on this introspective exploration as she navigates the complexities of attachment and the teachings of Buddhism, and discovers a deeper understanding of how rebirth intertwines with our human connections.
When it comes to relationships, those with a secure attachment style thrive on honesty, tolerance, and emotional closeness. They possess a beautiful balance of independence and connection, not fearing solitude yet still able to form strong bonds. However, it's important to note that people with other attachment styles can also find happiness in their relationships. It all boils down to understanding ourselves and how we connect with others.
To distinguish this concept from Buddhist attachment, we can view this bond or attachment style as a form of connection. As humans, we naturally seek connection with others. Buddhism does not advocate for the absence of connection, but rather the awareness of unskillful attachment. If you find yourself concerned about how you connect with others, mindfulness can be a powerful tool. By observing and understanding your own experiences and triggers in relationships, you can consistently cultivate a secure attachment style.
It's important to remember that your way of connecting is not fixed; it can change from moment to moment or based on different relationships and perceptions. Impermanence is a key aspect of this process. One way to approach this is through meditation and contemplation, which can help you identify and alleviate behaviors that lead to suffering. Your attachment style or way of connection can indeed contribute to suffering. By practicing mindfulness off the cushion, you can navigate your relationships with greater self-awareness and adaptability.
While the suttas do not explicitly discuss attachment styles, we can glean insights from stories such as that of King Suddodhana, the Buddha's father. In an attempt to prevent his son from becoming a spiritual leader, Suddodhana kept Siddartha sheltered from the world. However, his controlling and unhealthy attachment ultimately led Siddartha to run away and embark on his spiritual journey. Suddodhana's actions reflect a lack of secure attachment.
Through self-reflection, mindfulness, and understanding, we can cultivate more fulfilling and harmonious connections in our lives.
In this thought-provoking podcast episode, host Margaret Meloni interviews Bill Belanger, a contemplative psychotherapist and practicing Buddhist, as they delve into the concepts of suffering, attachment, and emptiness in Buddhism. Bill shares his background as a psychotherapist and his experiences living and practicing Buddhism in Asia, shedding light on the integration of meditation and therapeutic practices into the lives of entrepreneurs to improve their businesses.Bill's website is https://www.integratedmindtraining.com/
The conversation revolves around the Four Noble Truths and their relevance to the human condition. Bill explains how the First Noble Truth, Dukkha, can be understood as reactivity, and the Second Noble Truth as the origin of suffering through craving, attachment, and the Three Poisons. He further emphasizes the cure for suffering and the prescription for finding awakening, which is embodied in the Eightfold Path.
Margaret and Bill also explore the Western approaches to suffering and how consumerism and rigid ideology fail to address the core issues of reactivity and attachment. They highlight the comprehensive analysis of suffering provided by Buddhism and its coherent and elegant solution that often eludes other approaches.
Overall, this insightful episode offers practical guidance for incorporating mindfulness and therapeutic practices into daily life, while delving into the profound concepts of suffering, attachment, and emptiness in Buddhism. The hosts provide valuable insights and draw connections between attachment theory in Western psychotherapy and Buddhist teachings, underscoring the potential for healing and growth through self-reflection and mindful connection.
Welcome back to the Death Dhamma podcast. Today's episode is a reflective one, and we hope you will find it useful on your own personal journey.
In our previous episode, titled "The Kosala Sutta AN 5.49," we explored the various methods and approaches to funerals for Buddhists. We questioned the purpose of these rituals for someone who has already departed, realizing that they often serve as a means to support the grieving process of the living. While these rituals may not directly benefit the deceased, they can provide solace and aid the grief journey of those left behind.
This contemplation led me to reflect on the contrasting ways in which we handled the deaths of my mother and my husband. My mother had left behind detailed instructions for every aspect of her funeral, sparing me from any uncertainties or doubts. This approach felt right and was met with no complaints. On the other hand, my husband had instructed a simple cremation and scattering of his ashes at sea, without any formal service. He believed that it was not his responsibility as a lifeless body to comfort others and understood the strain it would put on me. I respected his wishes and followed through with them.
Of course, not everyone was content with this decision. Some individuals expressed their disapproval, hoping for a more traditional funeral. However, I stood firm in honoring my husband's wishes, which led me to ponder our tendency to make grief about ourselves. Grief, in essence, serves as a wake-up call, awakening our consciousness to the reality of transition and change. It is through grief that we not only acknowledge the departure of our loved ones but also recognize the transformation within ourselves.
Returning to the topic of funerals, we must acknowledge that these rituals serve as milestones in our grief journey and aid the departed in their transition to a more positive rebirth. Whether it be acknowledging a 49-day bardo or conducting chanting ceremonies at specific intervals, these rituals hold significance. However, the question arises when conflicts in wishes occur. Who makes the call? Did my decision to forgo a funeral for my husband deny someone the opportunity to move forward? In hindsight, I discovered that a close friend who couldn't accept the absence of a service for my husband held his own private ceremony. Initially, I felt annoyed, but now I view it differently.
He did what he needed to do to address his own grief, and I respect that. Ultimately, each individual is responsible for their own journey and progress. It may seem selfish at first glance, but it isn't. By making choices that strengthen ourselves, we become better equipped to help others. After all, you cannot give what you do not have.
In this episode, we explore the different death and mourning rituals of Theravada, Mahayana, and Tibetan Buddhists. These rituals vary in location, customs, and beliefs, but they all serve as a reminder of impermanence and the shared experience of grief.
For those who share the beliefs discussed, these rituals hold significance in assisting the deceased's transfer to rebirth and increasing positive karma. However, some may question the necessity of performing these rituals for someone who is gone. It's essential to remember that these rituals can also ease the grief journey of those left behind.
The Buddha's teaching on impermanence serves as a reminder that death is a natural part of life and that we will all experience it. The sequenced activities in these rituals help lead individuals, families, and communities through their grief and acknowledge the process.
Ultimately, whether you choose to partake in these rituals or not, the question remains, "What important work am I doing now?" It's crucial to focus on the present and continue to live a meaningful life while acknowledging the impermanence of it all.
On this episode of the Death Dhamma podcast, Margaret interviews grief expert Tracee Dunblazer to explore how grief can be a spiritual process. Tracee is the author of Transformative Grief: an Ancient Ritual for Modern Times and has extensive experience in working with grief and karmic relationships.
Tracee explains that grief is a daily process that we experience for various reasons, not just due to death or loss. She believes that grief is an awakening in our mental, emotional, and physical world and that we no longer need to view it as something harmful. However, society has developed an aversion to grief and has attempted to suppress or repress it over time.
The conversation dives into cultural attitudes towards grief and why they have developed this aversion. Margaret and Tracee also discuss how spirituality is evolving as more people are turning away from traditional religions and seeking a more personal and individualized relationship with spirituality.
Tracee's work is accessible to everyone, regardless of their religious beliefs. She aims to expand people's understanding of spiritual truths that exist beyond their beliefs. This episode offers a fresh perspective on grief and spirituality and is sure to stimulate listeners' minds.
Welcome to this thought-provoking and insightful episode of the Death Dhamma podcast. In this episode, Margaret takes us on a journey to explore the theme of life review. Drawing inspiration from three different stories, Heaven Can Wait, Defending Your Life, and The Good Place, she delves into the idea of redemption and the human fascination with what happens after we depart from this world.
While most of us may not have near-death experiences, Margaret suggests that we can use our Buddhist practice to create good deeds and positive karma, and avoid creating suffering for ourselves and others. Through a daily practice of reviewing our day, and reflecting on our thoughts, emotions, and interactions with others, we can remedy any situation that doesn't feel good. The purpose of this practice is to treat ourselves with compassion and forgiveness, not to berate ourselves.
She suggests that by doing these good deeds and reviewing our day, we can create a good death and a good rebirth, and ultimately, freedom from suffering. So, we must make a conscious effort to do good deeds and analyze our day to create a positive cycle for ourselves.
In this episode, we delve into the significance of meditation practices that are specifically designed to aid us in preparing for the inevitable event of death. By partaking in these practices, we can gain valuable insight into the process of dying and death itself, ultimately enabling us to face this transformation with a sense of inner calm and peace. Moreover, not only does this preparation benefit our own journey toward the end, but it also equips us with the tools to support others in their own experience of death.
We explore the notion that our own moment of death holds great importance on our spiritual path and overall progress. Through our karma and state of mind at the time of death, we shape our subsequent rebirth. By approaching death through the lens of meditation, we become intimately acquainted with the process, gaining a deeper understanding of what to expect. This knowledge empowers us to transform our own death into an opportunity for spiritual growth and attainment.
Furthermore, we discuss the possibility of practicing meditation as we approach the end of our lives. By doing so, we can actively engage in the spiritual journey during this pivotal moment, strengthening our karma and potentially influencing a positive rebirth. A key purpose of meditating on death and dying is to transcend attachment to the physical body and the belief in an eternal and unchanging self. Through this practice, we can cultivate a profound acceptance of impermanence and embrace the transient nature of life. Join us as we explore the transformative power of meditation in the face of death, and learn how it can shape our spiritual path and outlook on life.
Special guest Eric Bennett, host of the Round Trip Death Podcast, shares how his interest in near-death experiences led him to start his podcast. Rather than sensationalizing these stories, Eric gives people a safe space to discuss what happened, providing listeners with insight into the sacredness of these experiences and the difficulty of putting them into words.
In his time on the Death Dhamma podcast, Eric ties together the common themes that he has noted in his many discussions.
- Some people decide to return
- Some people do not get to choose
- Some people experience a life review
- Some people see deceased loved ones, even pets
"What happens after we did?" "Is there more than this life?" These are some of our biggest questions. And while each story is unique, the resounding message is one of love and peace. There is no need to face death with aversion, or to attach to a fear of death.
Eric also helps organizations with their branded podcasts, and you can reach him through the barefoot group.
How do I know if I am being greedy? How do any of us know? Would you call yourself a greedy person? Probably not. But my friends, there might be times when we get caught up in the kind of greed that leads to unskillful attachment. How do we know? What do we do?
A discussion on greed and how it can lead to unskillful attachment and suffering. Instead of avoiding enjoyment or appreciation of external objects or experiences, one should approach them with a sense of equanimity and mindfulness, recognizing that they are impermanent and cannot provide lasting happiness. The antidote to greed is generosity, and giving away something that you are attached to can lead to true contentment and make the recipient happy.
Examples of where you might have greed in your life, include wanting more time with loved ones who have passed away or not wanting a fun outing with friends to end. Awareness and reflection on the concept of impermanence will help you develop a sense of detachment and reduce feelings of greed.
Mindfulness of breathing and the Metta Bhavana meditation can cultivate loving kindness and a deeper sense of connection with oneself and others. The steps for practicing the Metta Bhavana meditation are outlined, starting with focusing on oneself and gradually extending loving kindness to a loved one, a neutral person, a difficult person, and finally all beings.
By developing loving kindness toward yourself and others, you can more objectively identify where you might be experiencing unskillful attachment and feel more connected to others.
In this episode of the Death Dhamma podcast, the theme of attachment is explored in the context of how it brings us suffering. The episode begins by discussing the concept of craving and how it leads to clinging, which is the root of suffering. The three fires or poisons of greed, hatred, and confusion are discussed as the sources of our need for clinging and aversion. The teachings emphasize the importance of extinguishing these fires and avoiding these poisons to achieve liberation.
The episode also delves into the idea of unskillful desire or attachment, and how it can manifest in different ways, such as hoarding, lying, cheating, or stealing. The teachings do not suggest that we should never want something, but rather that it is important to be mindful of how we crave or cling to things. The way to overcome greed, according to the teachings, is through generosity.
The episode includes passages from the Dhammapada and the Samyuutta Nikaya, highlighting the importance of conquering anger, badness, stinginess, and lying with lack of anger, good, a gift, and truth respectively. Generosity is emphasized as one of the ten perfections or qualities to be developed on the path to reaching enlightenment not for personal gain.
Overall, this episode offers insightful teachings on attachment and ways to overcome unskillful desire and attachment. Through mindfulness and generosity, we can achieve liberation and live a more peaceful and fulfilling life.
Margaret Meloni has a conversation with Dave Smith of Dave Smith Dharma (davesmithdharma.com) about the common misunderstanding that attachment is the same as non-attachment or detachment when it is actually closer to the Pali word "loba", which translates to "greed". Dave explains how greed is unethical and unskillful and can lead to sacrificing one's own values and morals to acquire something, leading to suffering.
The conversation also touches on the "three fires" of greed, hatred, and confusion, which the Buddha discussed and which do not lead to contentment. Dave explains that Upadana, which means to cling and grasp, also means to fuel, and that one must stop putting fuel on the fires of greed, hatred, and confusion in order to be liberated. The speakers explore ways to counteract greed, such as practicing generosity
Dave wisely encourages listeners to question the teachings and language they hear and to trust that if something doesn't feel right, there may be another way.
Dharma practice is something that is available to everyone, regardless of comfort level or age, and can be cultivated in everyday life.
Margaret reflects on the fear of death and the challenges that may arise during the dying process. She shares her personal experience of losing loved ones and the resilience gained from Buddha's teachings and her Buddhist practice. Once again we are reminded of the concept of letting go and accepting death as a gift, emphasizing the importance of preparing for death at both the spiritual and mundane level.
Margaret contemplates her own fears around dying, including concerns for the well-being of her loved ones and unfinished tasks. She decides that meditating on potential key issues will help her identify other underlying fears and areas where she has resistance to letting go. The episode ends with a message of hope, reminding listeners that even after losing loved ones, it is possible to recreate your life and find new relationships and connections.
Overall, this episode provides a thoughtful and reflective take on the fear of death and the process of preparing for it. Margaret offers a relatable perspective, and her message of resilience and hope serves as a comforting reminder for those grappling with loss and mortality.
In this episode, Margaret delves into the concept of leaving things unfinished. We all do it, whether it's a to-do list or a long-term goal that we never quite achieved. But what about the ultimate unfinished task: death? We can find peace in the face of our own mortality by letting go of our attachments and being ready to leave at any time.
Margaret shares a touching story of a family friend who found closure before passing away. His wife realized he was having a hard time letting go of life, so she arranged for his missing siblings to say their goodbyes over the phone. Miraculously, they all got through on the first try, and he passed away peacefully just a few minutes later.
When possible, provide a peaceful environment for your loved ones who are dying, by supporting them on their journey and allowing them the freedom to let go. And live well, by following the Noble Eightfold path and being aware of what you are carrying around. By resolving your own issues, you can find peace and let go of your attachments, leaving you with less clinging, resistance, and aversion when it's time to pass on.
In this episode, Margaret interviews Olivia Bareham, founder of Sacred Crossings in Southern California, who helps individuals through the dying journey. Olivia has been supporting people through the dying journey for the last 20 years and for the last 15, she has been teaching conscious dying and death doula and death midwifery work. Olivia created Sacred Crossings Funeral Home (Sacredcrossings.com), which offers alternative funeral services such as home funerals, green burials, and full-body deep-sea burials, with the aim of helping people to care for their loved ones after death so that their own experience of death is more gentle and easier to accept.
Olivia shares her personal experience of caring for her mother after she took her last breath and how it transformed her profoundly. She believes that when we hold death in our arms, it informs our brain in a way that no other deed can do. Olivia feels that we should all have the opportunity to be up close to death so that we can be transformed like that. However, there is resistance to being with the dead, which is just a learned behavior and belief. Olivia breaks that facade by showing images and inviting people to have their own personal experience of something that is completely contrary to what they've up until now believed and thought about and imagined.
Olivia teaches a course called "Enter the Grave," which is about literally embracing the grave as a potent place of transformation. It's not unlike the womb; the tomb, the grave is a fertile ground for growth, creativity, and change. In the course, Olivia helps individuals examine all that they are afraid of, all that they are clinging to, anything that is preventing them from fully allowing themselves to be in the grave of their life as they're living it. Olivia believes that even if somebody doesn't have an intention of being with the dying, it's still a valuable training and philosophy to consider.
Finally, Olivia discusses the most common challenges, issues, and things that people cling to on their way to getting this comfort level. She believes that clinging is everywhere, and we just don't notice it. We can cling to ideas and beliefs, an identity, opinions, and sensual pleasures. When we notice that we're attached to them, they have control over us, and we're not really free to just be in a place of constant surrender and acceptance and receiving. Olivia believes that "Enter the Grave" is an opportunity to look with a microscope at our beliefs, opinions, and ideas, and to relax our grip on them, be open to other beliefs, and be in a constant state of flow and change.
Contact Olive at oliva@sacredcrossings.com.
In this episode of the podcast, Margaret reflects on the concept of hope and clinging in situations where someone is sick, injured, or dying. She shares a personal anecdote of a friend's children contracting chicken pox and the introduction of a vaccine as an example of hope versus realism. Margaret then raises questions about the line between hope and clinging in scenarios where someone strives for healing beyond what is expected or accepted.
Margaret also shares a personal experience of her father's terminal lung cancer and the acceptance and preparation for his eventual passing. She reflects on the difference between acceptance and fatalism and the importance of not judging others' situations or reactions.
Margaret remembers an expression used by Cayce Howe, who provided guidance and support while her husband was in hospice. "The living are dying and the dying are living," is discussed as a way to focus on the present moment and let go of attachment to desired outcomes. Margaret reminds us that it is not wrong to hope or accept expected outcomes, but clinging to desired outcomes can lead to suffering.
While some may believe that Buddhism is devoid of planning, it is a path toward a specific goal: the end of suffering. The Buddha actively decided to teach the cessation of suffering and shared a whole system of the Four Noble Truths and the Noble Eightfold Path. However, he was not attached to the outcome of his teachings. He taught because some would understand and not convert a certain number of people.
As practitioners, we also follow a path and seek to become free from suffering. We may plan for our spiritual growth through studying and meditating, but we must also be mindful of our attachment to expectations and outcomes. Non-attachment does not mean apathy but rather accepting the present moment without holding onto expectations of what should happen during meditation or in life.
We can use the concept of clinging strategically, changing our diet of thoughts and developing inner qualities to make us stronger to face life's challenges. We should strive to follow the path intentionally, with the intention behind our plans being skillful and pure. Ultimately, it comes down to what should be done today, planting seeds without expectations but still taking action toward our goals.
In this episode of the Death Dhamma podcast, host Margaret Meloni, interviews Cayce Howe, a Dharma teacher and co-founder of Sustainable Caring. They discuss the topic of attachment, which is a key component of Buddhism and can lead to suffering if not managed properly. Cayce explains that the energy of compassion is endless, but when we become attached to a specific outcome, we may experience what is commonly known as compassion fatigue. However, Cayce argues that this fatigue is not caused by an exhaustion of compassion but rather by an attachment to a particular result.
Cayce also discusses the importance of wisdom in managing attachment, particularly the wisdom of impermanence and interdependence. He emphasizes the need to focus on our efforts toward kindness and compassion without becoming attached to specific outcomes or results. This can lead to greater resilience in caring for ourselves and others.
Margaret brings up the issue of systemic factors that can contribute to fatigue and exhaustion, particularly in the healthcare industry. Cayce acknowledges these challenges and emphasizes that while it is important to work towards changing these external factors, we can still work on managing our internal attachment and cultivating compassion in our daily lives.
Overall, this episode offers valuable insights into the Buddhist concept of attachment and how it relates to our experiences of compassion and fatigue. It also highlights the importance of mindfulness and wisdom in managing attachment and finding resilience in challenging circumstances.
In this episode of the Death Dhamma podcast, Margaret Meloni explores the concept of attachment, clinging, and aversion. She asks listeners to consider how they define themselves and whether they will let go of certain constructed versions of themselves. She shares two personal experiences of letting go of past versions of herself, including one where she clung to her identity as a computer programmer when teaching project management. She was reminded by a student that what mattered was whether she was the right person to teach the subject matter, not her past credentials.
Margaret also shares her experience of letting go of her identity as a wife and caregiver after her husband passed away. She reflects on how difficult it was to redefine herself without the context of her relationship with her husband. She notes that it takes time to rediscover oneself and to reflect on values, interests, and goals without the influence of someone who has passed away.
Throughout the episode, Margaret emphasizes the impermanence of self and the importance of letting go of attachments to prevent suffering and dissatisfaction. She encourages listeners to reflect on what they are hanging onto and to let go of constructed selves that no longer serve them. The episode provides a thought-provoking reflection on attachment and the journey of self-discovery.
You can find lots of discussions in terms of self-versus no self and what the Buddha really taught and what the Buddha really meant. I am staying away from going into an in-depth discussion of these various interpretations.
To share context, I speak to you as a Theravada Buddhist. And I draw on the teachings from the Pali Canon. I come from a place of working with teachings of these things are not self.
As in the answer to this question:
“And is it proper to regard what is inconstant, stressful, subject to change as: ‘This is mine. This is me. This is what I am?”
The answer is no, it is not proper to view that which is inconstant, stressful, and subject to change as self.
If you and I look at what makes us uncomfortable, that discomfort will show us where attachment lives. It could be things or ideas. Today with the help of Mary Stancavage we look at the should of self. As in I should be like this or that. Or if I am this way or that way, then people will like me.
We cling to ideas of self, we cling to relationships because they are our identity. Because we are afraid of the alternative. Who am I if I am not this carefully constructed self that I have created and that I present to the world?
And that can be really uncomfortable. And that means it is time to drop below this story, like dropping below the idea of being cool or different or fitting in, whatever it is that your self-image is doing for you.
Ask yourself, "What is fueling that?"
Somewhere beneath it all is the reason we are hanging on to this idea of who we are.
I looked around the room, and there I saw him. Someone I had once worked with, a person who I felt had been purposefully difficult and disrespectful. I found myself thinking, “Ugh, why is he here?” And my immediate thoughts were not friendly or positive. Now, I understand, this was me experiencing aversion.
Specifically, because aversion involves pushing something away. And that act of pushing something away is not really gently setting something aside. It is more aggressive.
Fair enough, I know that my first thoughts at seeing this former colleague fell into the category of pushing something away aggressively – I really wished he was not at this same event with me.
And with those thoughts came other forms of anger – because I recalled why I was not happy to see that person, and why I thought that he had been purposefully difficult and disrespectful. Clearly, I was hanging on to some hard feelings.
With attachment, we are only trying to get things that we want. And once we have those things, we don’t want them to go away.
When we experience aversion, we push away (usually aggressively) the things that we dislike. Aversion refers to feelings of aggression, anger, and hatred. Let’s spend more time considering aversion as angry and aggressive.
The Second Noble Truth states that there is an origin of suffering and that the origin of suffering is attachment to the three kinds of desire: desire for a sense pleasure (kama tanha), desire to become (bhava tanha), and desire to get rid of (vibhava tanha).
To want to get rid of something.
You may also have heard the three poisons discussed. Or the three unwholesome roots and these are greed, anger, and delusion. Well, the craving for sense pleasures fits with greed, while aversion is a form of anger. And that maps back to the definition of pushing something away aggressively.
When your own parents do not offer you love and support, how do you come to a place of self-acceptance? If you go to school, bloody from being beaten, isn't reasonable to expect someone/anyone to ask if you are OK? And when they do not, you might just begin to wonder if there is something wrong with you. And aversion towards yourself takes root.
Venerable De Hong knows about trauma. He left Vietnam on a boat. Overcrowded with others escaping a harsh regime, they sat in place for many days – with no food and maybe a tiny amount of water. Then at 18, he found himself in the United States, with $10, responsibility for his younger brother, unable to speak the language, trying to finish high school while working all night to pay for food and rent. Before this, Venerable De withstood tremendous amounts of verbal and physical abuse from his father. In between physical attacks, he was told that he was nothing and that was not worthy of an education, it is no wonder that Venerable De developed an aversion to his own appearance. On the list of ACE or adverse childhood experiences, Venerable De has lived through almost all of them. Spoiler alert, after going through his own suffering, he came through the other side. And now he uses his experiences and his story to help others.
What is the difference between craving and clinging? Craving is wanting. I want something.
Looking back on the past few days, here are some of the things I have craved:
Coffee, chocolate and other specific foods, solitude, time with friends, - yes, I crave both alone time and time with some of my special people, and when that gets out of balance, so do I. That in itself is probably worthy of future exploration. The reality is that this idea of balance that I have created for myself is not always going to be sustainable.
Today, let’s continue with craving and clinging.
We crave forms - sounds - odors - flavors - tangible objects - mind objects.
Clinging means to hang on to something, to not want something to end. Or to be unwilling to let go of an idea or a practice or a thing.
Four things we cling to - sensual pleasures, views, rituals and observances, and self, or thoughts of who we are.
And today let's discuss how that recently came together for Margaret Meloni, as she shares a section from her attachment journal.
In our last episode, Dr. Seth Segall reminded us that when it comes to attachment, it is not about never having close human relationships. What are the teachings on attachment?
Today, we look at some of those teachings. And spoiler alert, if your cravings control you, you will experience more suffering. If you control your cravings, you will experience less suffering.
Is it really that simple?
Let's explore some of the suttas on craving. In this way, we will build a foundation for our future discussions and contemplations.
There was once a man who gave away his children in order to prove that he could master letting go. When his wife returned home, she thought his approach made sense. But does it?
What is it we attach to? We attach to sensual pleasures, ideas and views, rites and rituals, and our view of ourselves. Dr. Seagall reminds us that for the most part, we are not told that we cannot be attached to people.
It is about the intention behind those attachments. Human beings need other human beings to flourish. Together we discuss how life depends on attachment.
And Seth reminds us all that there is a positive side to impermanence. As things change, on the way to let go, we grieve. (In case you wondered what all of this has to do with Death Dhamma.) In fact, Seth shares his own path to embracing the changes in his life and in his relationship with who he is today.
What good does it do to pay attention to our attachments? To look at our experiences with clinging and aversion? Well, for that matter what good does it do to meditate? To be with that arises and to gain insight? I humbly suggest that our practice is everywhere, on the cushion, in our experiences, and in our journals.
What do I mean when I invite you to journal with me?
I am asking you to join me in an experiment. You can participate as much or as little as you like.
Me? I am all in. While planning for this season of the Death Dhamma podcast, it occurred to me. Clinging and aversion are all around us. At least as an everyday layperson making my way in this world, it is all around me.
While learning from the dhamma, and from our wise teachers, why not engage in some active self-reflection? I think that I know some of my areas of attachment. Most likely I share them with many of you.
- I do want to be healthy.
- I do not want to be sick.
- I do want to age - well kind of, because it means I am still here
- I also want to have a certain level of fitness and ability as I age.
- As few wrinkles as possible, please.
- I want to have people I care about.
- I want them to care back.
Pretty standard stuff. And if not handled well, it is going to lead to some suffering. You, see, just because I have gone through the deaths of quite a few of my loved ones, doesn't mean I am free from all attachments.
What is the point of paying attention? Some might say, obsessing, is this paying attention over where and how I experience an obsession or a revelation? I hope it is the latter.
Here it is, our first episode featuring the attachment journal.
Peace? What is peace to us when someone we love is gone? Going all-in with the Death Dhamma means really going to the source.
I invited some of our wise teachers from season 1 to come back to the podcast and share their favorite stories or teachings about clinging and aversion. And one of them replied back to me, "Oh, so you are talking about the 2nd Noble Truth?"
Yes, I am!
The Four Noble Truths. They are the truth of suffering; its cause; its end; and the way to its end. Everything in this world is full of suffering, and the cause of suffering is craving. The end of suffering is nirvana. The way to the end of suffering is via the Noble Eightfold Path. Don't worry we will definitely visit the eightfold path at some point during this season.
Is the truth of suffering front and center in your life?
There is no time like the present to connect with what you crave and what you avoid.
It is almost time for Season 3 of the Death Dhamma podcast! Yes, it is true. The first episode is coming on January 30, 2023. In this short trailer, Margaret Meloni introduces the topic of attachment and why we need to spend time on stories of clinging and aversion and how they expose us to dukkha.
"Whatever stress, in arising, arose for me in the past, all of it had desire as its root, had desire as its cause — for desire is the cause of stress. And whatever stress, in arising, will arise for me in the future, all of it will have desire as the root, will have desire as its cause — for desire is the cause of stress."
So says Gandhabhaka in SN 42.11. And this is our experience too.
This is why we are going to talk about attachments because when the people we love are ill or absent from us or when they die of course we have sorrow.
And the root of our sorrow is our attachment. That is not a judgment it's an observation of fact. This is not to say we should never love. We want to be aware that in our relationships with other human beings there could be an element of attachment and the element of attachment contributes of course to our grief.
With season three coming at the end of January we are going to explore stories and examples of attachment.
What is Reiki? And what are the true origins of Reiki? Join Margaret Meloni as she speaks with Michaela Daystar in a special season 2 bonus episode of the Death Dhamma Podcast.
Michaela Daystar of Heartscapes (https://www.heartscapesinsight.com/) provides comprehensive Reiki education in a trauma-informed and respectful way.
She is true to the Japanese origins of Reiki.
Michaela serves in this world by supporting individuals who are here to contribute. She is a support system to those who would help the rest of us.
And Reiki is how she helps others heal from the inside out so that they can take their trauma and their brokenness and use it as fuel to keep following their passion.
She uses her skills to heal them so that they can heal us.
If you want to get to know Reiki beyond the concept of energy healing. If you wonder what Reiki has to do with Buddhism, this is a great place to start.
Season 2 of the DD podcast is coming to an end. Because - impermanence. You know it will not go on forever. That's against what we have been discussing.
In the spirit of 'rebirth,' the podcast will continue in season 3.
The truth is that all of our experiences with impermanence are opportunities to deepen our practice – everything from the canceled lunch plans to the loss of a job, a hearing loss, or a relationship break up – each provides us with a learning experience – if we are open to that experience.
A common theme from our season 2 teachers was the ability to come to a place of acceptance around the impermanence in their lives. Each of them discussed ways his or her life did not go as anticipated. It might have been a broken engagement, a career derailment, a drastic change in life expectancy, the ability to have children, or the health of the children born to them, but nobody said, “My life has gone 100% as expected.” That’s not the human experience. Things change – always.
The ability to accept impermanence is what allows us to live peacefully. Sometimes before coming to that place of acceptance, we deal with attachment. We wanted things to be different. And attachment and stories and examples of attachment will be discussed in season 3.
Beginning January 2023, we will consider attachment.
Until then, you can expect a surprise episode or two and you can always keep in touch by visiting margaretmeloni.com.
When someone you love dies, the most apparent form of attachment is your attachment to your relationship. Now your mother, father, partner, or friend has gone. He or she is not coming down the hall to have breakfast with you. You are not going on vacation together. He or she will not make you dinner, do the dishes, or take out the trash.
We also have attachments to things, roles, emotions, and surroundings.
A few days after my father died, my mother went to his closet and pulled out his clothing. She was distraught and could not stand to look at his things. At the time, I was shocked. On some level, I recognized that she was having an emotional reaction to his death, and seeing his clothing was triggering. A few weeks later, she had a similar episode as she walked down the hallway. She insisted that his computer desk must be removed and moved into the garage immediately. Fortunately, I was able to comply. She disliked seeing the things he used daily because he was no longer here, using those things. And seeing his jacket in the closet or his empty desk was breaking her heart.
There are many lessons for you in what you hang on to and what you push away. These are not simply lessons about our relationship with our loved ones. They are lessons about our relationship with ourselves and with life itself.
“Mindfulness of death, when developed and pursued, is of great fruit and great benefit. It gains a footing in the Deathless, has the Deathless as its final end. Therefore, you should develop mindfulness of death.” - AN 6.19
What does it mean to really be mindful of death? Is it knowing that you will die someday, but probably not today? No! That is NOT good enough.
What about thinking I might die today? Better, but still not skillful. There is a deep level of honesty and commitment to truly practicing mindfulness of death. And these teachings are meant for all of us.
After all, which one of us is not going to die?
Getting to the point where you can mindfully acknowledge that death can arrive before you finish reading this sentence takes effort. You know it is worth it.
"'The perception of death, when developed and pursued, is of great fruit, of great benefit. It gains a footing in the Deathless, has the Deathless as its final end': Thus, was it said, and in reference to this was it said.” (AN 7.46)
Some days, a deep dive into the suttas is not within reach. Or you might benefit from other ways to become comfortable with death. It can be helpful to spend time understanding your beliefs about death and dying. And to notice the emotions that surface for you when you contemplate death.
Here are nine thoughts about death. You can use them as mantras, as an object for your meditation, or as a way to start thoughtful discussions with family or friends. I invite you to examine this list and to add or subtract it in a way that supports you in your own practice.
If you are open, life and the people around you can be your teacher. Everyone has loss and suffering – whether they have heard of Buddhism or not.
Now, in your Buddhist practice, finding and following a credible teacher will serve you well. We live in a time where we have access to many teachers.
When I was new (and compared to those who have practiced for 40 years or more or even 30 years or more), I am still new; I investigated different teachers and traditions. When I decided to pursue an advanced degree in Buddhist Studies, I knew it would help me learn more and that it would help me find my place in a world with many Buddhist traditions.
Here we are, together, the Death Dhamma community. On our paths, in our Buddhist practices. Listening to others and discerning what wisdom is. With that question in mind, here are some pieces of wisdom that our 12 wise teachers of season 2 have offered.
What are the Buddhist marks of existence, and where does impermanence fit in? Some thoughts on what makes you a Buddhist and why impermanence or anicca, suffering or dukkha, and not-self or anattaa are the foundation for seeing things as they are. And within that foundation, impermanence helps to illuminate the truth of suffering and not-self.
In the course of your life, you will experience loss. Sometimes the loss might be minuscule: you went to the store for mint chocolate chip ice cream, and it was sold out. You had to select something else. And at that moment, you experienced the loss of your ability to fulfill your craving for mint chocolate chip ice cream. Other losses feel much more significant: the end of a relationship, your job being eliminated, or your car is totaled in an accident.
On any given day, you have things that you believe went well, meaning you believe that you got what you wanted, and you have things that did not go according to your plan. This leads us to consider how impermanence can help us face the bigger challenges in life.
The little things that happen to us daily are important pieces of our impermanence practice. Building your acceptance of impermanence daily is critical to decreasing your dukkha and increasing your resilience.
Mary Carol realized that what she was going to do that day was be sick. That was how it was going to be, and actually, all she needed to do was to be with her illness. Her activity for the day was to be sick. And as her fever rose and the pain intensified, she practiced some deep meditative breathing. She worked on simply being with the discomfort, with an awareness that at some point, it would stop.
In this episode of the Death Dhamma podcast, we follow Mary Carol as she grapples with being ill and her assumptions around what impermanence means versus what impermanence REALLY means. Mary Carol might not be too different than the rest of us.
It's season 2 of the Death Dhamma podcast, and we have already spoken with twelve wise teachers! Sound familiar? In season 1, interviews with twelve wise teachers led to the release of the book Sitting with Death: Buddhist Insights to Help You Face Your Fears and Live a Peaceful Life.
Will these interviews lead to another book? It is too soon to tell, but your thoughts about what you would like to learn more about or hear more of are greatly appreciated. You can send them to info@margaretmeloni.com or leave comments where you download this podcast.
For now, your host, Margaret Meloni, is happy to share with you some of her reflections from conversations with our season 2 teachers. She is reminded that impermanence is not easy for any of us, we are all grieving something, and our approaches to handling it all are very similar. You might agree with her observations, or you might have other thoughts!
This is not the end of season 2, it's just an opportunity for reflection and contemplation.
Thank you for being part of the Death Dhamma community.
What is an easy experience of impermanence, and what is a difficult experience? Any experience can be either of those things and actually neither of those things. With equanimity – it just is. And that is not me telling you that I can always accept uncertainty and change with equanimity. Because I don’t. I practice at different levels on different days or even throughout the course of any day. I suspect that makes me another human being, living and growing in this time and place and in this lifetime.
Generally, I am grateful for the opportunities that my karma brings me. Even the situations that I view as difficult. I recall when I was processing the deaths of two family members within the same week, more than one of my Buddhist friends told me how great this was for my practice.
Conceptually I knew they were right, but it took lots of time and contemplation to know it at a deeper level. When they said it to me, I accepted it as a fact, a documented best practice, if you will.
The learning came from time and concentration and living with it. Watching myself being human and feeling the emotions. I had to have the experience. To live firsthand through attachment and aversion.
And it was and still is experiential that draws on compassion and also can lead us to become more compassionate toward others.
I had to extend compassion to myself. And later, as helping others became part of my path, I learned that my experience would help me be compassionate toward others if and only if I accepted that my experience was only representative of how things worked for me on my path.
In the face of impermanence, let’s not forget compassion. Because it really is the balm. (And also the bomb!)
You cannot remind yourself of anicca or impermanence too many times. If you go throughout your day repeating anicca over and over again, that would only be a good thing.
And meditation and mindfulness of impermanence are both important. To really KNOW is to know suffering. And no self. Wendy explains that impermanence, suffering, and no self are really the three rings of the existence that we swim in. Or the existence that we can be stuck in.
In our time together, Wendy generously explains why there must be an experiential element to our Buddhist practice. She gently teases us, reminding us that even the awareness of impermanence is impermanent. And she reminds us of the necessity of compassion.
If we are here, we are on a healing journey. We might not know our journey yet.
While explaining this and so much more, Wendy tells her own story – of being in teacher training and receiving a phone call that took her from the conceptual to the experiential.
Join me in extending a deep bow to Wendy for sharing with us on the Death Dhamma podcast.
Jim Ringel describes his book 49 Buddhas: Lama Rinzen in the Hell Realm as a crime mystery wrapped inside a Buddhist mystery. I also see it as how one Buddhist (Jim), expresses his appreciation and understanding of his Buddhist tradition through the creative expression of his writing.
A lesson in Tibetan Buddhism wrapped inside a compelling story. And in that story, we see how challenging it is to be a human. Even if this is the optimal rebirth, and even if you are a Tibetan Lama, none of this is easy. In my time with Jim, and in my time with his character Lama Rinzen, many thoughts have surfaced. What to focus on? I have done my best to share with you what resonates with me, and why.
Connect with Jim at one or all of these sites:
www.jimringel.com
www.facebook.com/jimringelwrites
www.twitter.com/jimringelwrites
www.linkedin.com/in/jim-ringel-7364822
You can also purchase 49 Buddhas: Lama Rinzen in the Hell Realm on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0999539809/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_ep_dp_AmM2AbSM71PDP
Imagine finding yourself in a strange building, in a strange land, with strangers who know you – yet you do not know them. This is one of the many challenges faced by Lama Rinzen, the protagonist of Jim Ringel’s book, 49 Buddhas: Lama Rinzen in the Hell Realm.
Being thrown into a new life is an excellent way to make friends with impermanence. Although he is still a Tibetan Buddhist Lama, and still on a quest to bring enlightenment to all beings, Lama Rinzen must come to understand the people and the culture around him and uncover the lessons that the hell realm holds for him.
Discussing the character development of Lama Rinzen with Jim Ringel was an interesting and rewarding way to learn about his Tibetan Buddhist practice and his beliefs around reincarnation, life, death, and impermanence.
If you would like a new way to learn about Tibetan Buddhism, the ego and the perception of others, versus our own perceptions, and of course, impermanence, consider reading 49 Buddhas: Lama Rinzen in the Hell Realm. It’s a crime story that is full of Buddhist teachings.
Join us as we discuss:
- Crime Mysteries wrapped inside Buddhist mysteries
- The intricacies of reincarnation
- The longest continuous street in the United States
- An interpretation of Form is emptiness, and emptiness is form
- The various realms and how we might navigate them
- The idea that we are energy that is always changing
Connect with Jim at one or all of these sites:
www.jimringel.com
www.facebook.com/jimringelwrites
www.twitter.com/jimringelwrites
www.linkedin.com/in/jim-ringel-7364822
* Please be advised, in this episode I refer to a story that Ken told that involves discussing an individual being arrested, and how a family member was attacked while this person was in jail. Please be aware and proceed in a way that best supports your emotional and mental health. Thank you. *
Toward the start of our discussion, Ken says to me:
“I like to say that I'm at home in anyone's church however I think that there are great lessons to be learned from the teachings of Buddhism…”
What a nice way to respect the traditions of others while acknowledging what best supports him on his path.
Coming from a background of trauma, divorce and difficult experiences from serving in the military and as a police officer, Ken reconciles martial arts with Buddhist philosophy. In fact, he offers help to others through his work at Everyday Samurai – www.everydaysamurai.life.
He has his own traumas that he reflects on. And he thinks deeply about how his karma has intersected with others.
It is important for all of us to find a way to process trauma, and Ken has found his path in the teachings of Shinzen Young. Specifically, a framework called Unified Mindfulness.
Connect with Ken here: https://www.everydaysamurai.life/
For more on the teachings of Shinzin Young please visit: https://www.shinzen.org/about/
* Please be advised, in this episode Ken and I discuss some potentially triggering topics. During our time together we touch on the topics of assault, rape, bomb detonation, and death by electrocution. We do so respectfully. Please be aware and proceed in a way that best supports your emotional and mental health. Thank you. *
One day you are enjoying breakfast at your local diner. You feel like you have a friendship with your waitress. Most days she is the one who takes your order and brings you your food. The next day she is in an accident, and you are on the scene as she takes her last breath.
While doing your duty, you arrest someone who cannot afford bail. While he is in jail his partner is attacked. You know you did your job, yet you wonder about the karma of this situation.
Months later you see the person you arrested die in a particularly grisly accident. You can’t help but wonder why you are part of his experience.
Ken Yamarashi lives with these memories and more. He understands the importance of finding a way to process the shock that comes when karma and violent impermanence meet.
His experiences are not uncommon for someone who has served in the military and on the police force. And he knows that too many of his fellow veterans have ended their lives, rather than continue with the suffering.
In most of these traumatic experiences, it is impossible to talk to the other parties who were involved. What Ken teaches us during this episode is that the only place he can do the work is within his own mind.
These things have happened. This is a historical fact. The only thing that can change is the way he perceives now. You have to have a technique of letting go and the ability to tap into equanimity. Let Ken share the practice(s) that have been the most helpful to him on his journey.
Connect with Ken here: https://www.everydaysamurai.life/
For more on the teachings of Shinzin Young please visit: https://www.shinzen.org/about/
Impermanence reminded Sophie Jacobs of the importance of her intuition, and that one central question. What matters most? And this also led her to wonder how to best be in alignment with her true self.
She seems to come from a place of really meeting impermanence and leveraging it to help herself really consider what is most important? And how can she work to be in alignment with what is most important?
Sophie's experience teaches us that
- Sometimes impermanence is a gift. This was true when she was interviewing for a job and did not get that job. But what she did get was the opportunity to live with Buddhist nuns in a monastery, and really deepen her practice.
-Insight practice can be more valuable than your college education.
Speaking with Sophie was a terrific reminder that each day we have the opportunity let impermanence be our teacher.
Handle what comes with equanimity and answer the central question, "What really matters?"
Impermanence, bring it on! Within two years, Sophie Jacobs handled almost ALL of the big life changes.
- Graduate
- End a relationship
- Start a new job
- Lose your home in a fire
- Leave your job
- Live in a monastery
- Leave the monastery
MOST of us do not have our homes burned to the ground in a fire, and MOST of us do not become monastics.
All of this took place during the COVID pandemic. Nothing went as planned.
Each of these changes led Sophie back to the same question, “What really matters?,” and “What do I know to be true in my heart?”
And as she searched for a new job, she also found herself searching for a monastery to live in. And it occurred to her, that this was the time, to take a break away from the ‘hustle culture,’ if not now, then when? She describes it like this, “…everything is kind of falling apart in your life and is creating this huge open space for you and so if not now when…there's always going to be the next thing that's preventing you from doing an experience like this.”
And so she did go to live with some Theravāda Buddhist nuns.
Listen in as Sophie shares with us about:
- Her relationship with her intuition
- Being in alignment with her true self
- Her experiences with meditation and her mind
- Why being a monastic was not right for her
You will definitely want to keep in touch with her. I look forward to her upcoming book, currently titled Elemental Knowing.
Connect with Sophie:
- On Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/flowintuit/
- On TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@flowintuit/video/7075362326261599534?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc&web_id=6926993176386782726
- On Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sophia-jacobs-8ab58164/
Thoughts on our current situation in the human realm. It is rare to be born a human. And it is our birthright to be spiritual beings and to move toward enlightenment.
You may find yourself, looking around and wondering if you are viewing Devas in human form. Beings living a life of pure pleasure, in as much as they control it.
And you will find yourself somewhere on the path of initiation. And on the path, some teachings and teachers will distract you. But you might need to experience them in order to find those that will support you.
This is the third and final part of my discussion with Mahesi Caplan.
After we had been speaking for a little while, Mahesi Caplan said:
"This might be an outrageous thing to say, but over the past few decades, I have been having this thought that there is no death."
He went on to say, "Of course, the body dies."
And then he discussed this whole concept of we don't die so much as we return home.
Listen in, and give it some thought. Sit with it, and see what resonates for you.
Mahesi Caplan was interested in the big questions at an early age. When others were on the playground, young Mahesi was sitting on the stairs wondering where he had come from, and what was the meaning of this life?
He felt a connection with something much more expansive, something that exists beyond the noise of everyday life.
You can say he was born suited for contemplative life. And he did spend fifteen years ordained as a Theravada Thai Forest tradition monk. And now, he continues his practice and counsels others, helping them to navigate spiritual emergencies in their own lives.
It is with his relationship with Ānāpānasati and the four foundations of mindfulness that Mahesi asks us to move beyond watching the in and out-breath through our nose. He urges us to consider that the Buddha was teaching more than to focus on our physical breath.
He thoughtfully walks me through his approach, helping me to see that we can focus on both the internal and the external. That the intention of the teachings is bigger than feeling the breath coming in and out of my nostrils.
This is part 1 of 3 episodes.
Visit him at https://sati.co/
One of the first things that struck me about my discussion with Ratnadevi is how she noted that there were so many different examples of impermanence that we could work with. She knew that her mother was dying. We are wherever we are with the pandemic, our climate is in crisis, and Ukraine is under attack. These are all pretty significant reminders of impermanence. As Ratnadevi and I pondered the changes we face in our world and in ourselves, we did not let go of hope.
In fact, she discussed active hope. Meaning, not just wishing for positive change – but finding the steps that you can take to move forward with that change. And to be able to take those steps, you need to be in a place of acceptance.
To recognize the reality of a situation. Once you accept that reality, you are in a better place to find your way of moving forward.
Visit Ratnadevi at her website: www.livingmindfulness.net
And purchase her recently released book, Bringing Mindfulness to Life here: https://playspacepublications.com/bringing-mindfulness-to-life/
After spending time with Hector Marcel, one of my biggest takeaways was the sense of being in the presence of someone who is joyfully in his practice. This overall feeling of sharing a space with a person who is willing to discuss the challenges we face with impermanence and suffering and who like the rest of us continues to work with the rising and ceasing of sadness or loneliness or joy. But approaches it with exuberance and hope.
Hector wants us all to be able to draw upon our Buddhist practice to understand the source of our own suffering. To recognize that when sadness or loneliness or even happiness arise, these emotions have come from our own creation.
The Buddha could not make anyone become enlightened. And Hector cannot make us understand and adopt the teachings.
I cannot force you to make friends with death. We each must do the work ourselves. In the past I have said, there is no magic no-suffering silver bullet. What we can do is work on who and how we are.
When Hector Marcel claims that he is a rebellious Buddhist, what he means is that he does not want to recite texts or cling to dogma. He wants to help us experience living Buddhism. In his own journey, Hector felt his practice flow purely when he received the call. You know, the call where you learn that your beloved mother is dying. At that time, he had been practicing for over twenty years and living with all of those small deaths that impermanence brings. And he knew that what really mattered was using his Buddhist practice to see his mother through to the end, in a way that gave her dignity and peace. He practiced a very purposeful form of loving-kindness. During our time together, in his purposeful and skillful way, Hector teaches me about the importance of bliss, walks me through emptiness, and reminds me of the importance of karma and intention. He is such a warm and caring example of what happens when you study Buddhism with your heart and your mind.
And there it is, experiential Buddhism with a side of joy and laughter.
Be sure to follow Hector on Instagram via @wakeupist.
Visit the Three Jewels website: https://www.threejewels.org/
And if you will be in New York City on May 5, 2022, attend the Med Gala, a lovely spiritual play on the Met Gala. Celebrate and meditate with like-minded beings who are raising funds so that all can have equitable access to meditation.
https://www.medgala.org/ Get $15 off the ticket price with discount code CTE.
In speaking with Sukhema I was struck by two ideas – the beautiful way in which he used poetry in our discussion about loss. And the fact that he has helped others in their grief journeys by providing them with the type of ritual that they needed.
Sukhema has such a talent for bringing the right poem at the right time.
Many of us, perhaps most of us need rituals in our lives. We use rituals to mark occasions of all types. And Sukhema uses poetry in his rituals, and perhaps it is reasonable to say that poetry can be a form of ritual.
When we lose something or someone, ritual can help us to acknowledge the loss and let go of some of the things that we cling to.
Ritual and poetry, or poetry as a ritual is something he led his circle of writers to do as they created Living our Dying . This work carries forward the poetry of his deceased friend and allowed others to share their grief and their thoughts around death and dying.
And in this way, poetry is an expression of the shared experience of losing this friend, the writing was part of the ritual of letting go of the loss.
His own poem, written after helping his granddaughter bury her hamster ties ritual and poetry as a natural response to loss. And this shows us the usefulness of ritual.
Sukhema knows about impermanence. He has lost his name (Larry Butler), his country (the United States of America), and more than a friend or two along his journey. He encounters it all with the heart of a poet. And as you listen to our discussion, you will hear him use poetry to teach us all about the importance of the art of losing things. he introduced me to ‘One Art’ by Elizabeth Bishop. This passage works well with our theme on this season of the Death Dhamma podcast,
Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn’t hard to master.
Sukhema is the co-editor of Living Our Dying. A work inspired by his friend the late David Donnison. Living Our Dying includes the work of thirty-two writers, and was compiled to creatively discuss a subject often regarded as taboo.
Sukhema also facilitates a group called die-a-log. Creating an environment where a small group of people get together and discuss death. It is informal, there are no notes, just sharing and speaking from the heart.
His ease at sharing from the heart is evident throughout our discussion. I encourage you to listen in and hear from someone who masterfully lives with the impermanence of losing a watch, will help his granddaughter bury her hamster, and oversee memorial services for his own friends and loved ones.
For more on his work, please visit https://playspacepublications.com/.
Definitely, Terry went through denial and bargaining when he learned he had terminal cancer. But he made his way to acceptance. And away from clinging and attachment.
He arrived at a place where he could think, “These are the cards I have been dealt. I am not crazy about them, but I must play them to the best of my ability.”
And that helped him to move forward and live fully. And living fully and finding purpose in being a role model for others released any power that idea of his own death had over him.
Faith, family, and friends are his pillars.
And on his desk are his four truths. Listen to these lessons learned and you hear his four truths.
To learn even more from Terry, consider his book,
Sustainable Excellence: Ten Principles To Leading Your Uncommon And Extraordinary Life
From suit and tie guy to 37-year-old rookie police officer, Terry Tucker has led a full and interesting life. There are the changes he instigated and one big change that was not part of his plan. At least not the plan he had in mind. One day a callous on the bottom of Terry’s foot burst open. Terry went to see his good friend the podiatrist and had a cyst removed. His friend told Terry not to worry. But to be safe, he sent the cyst to pathology. Two weeks later his good friend was telling Terry that he had a rare form of melanoma. And just like that, Terry’s life changed.
Terry lives with an incurable form of cancer. Read that sentence again, this time, like this – Terry LIVES with cancer. It is important to emphasize LIVES because that is what he is doing. Encouraging all of us to find meaning and purpose in our lives.
Terry believes that if you at least look for your purpose with an open heart when the end comes it's not nearly as scary you think. But for those who go through life with no direction, coming to peace around death is much more difficult.
Terry is a role model and champion for finding and living your purpose. His book,
Sustainable Excellence: Ten Principles To Leading Your Uncommon And Extraordinary Life
will show you how to become the best version of yourself, and how you can leave behind a legacy that makes you proud.
Bob Rich is the first one to discuss past lives and rebirth in a concrete manner.
In season 1, we discussed living a peaceful life and creating the conditions for a peaceful death with the goal of having a good rebirth.
In that way we acknowledged rebirth. Not all Buddhists believe in rebirth.
But for some of us, it is an important part of the teachings and rebirth is part of the system of karma and hopeful eventual nirvana.
Bob identifies as a secular Buddhist, but the story he shares with us in the most recent episode of the podcast is based on his realization that being a physicist was not going to allow him to help humanity in a way that was the most meaningful to him.
And undergoing hypnosis and learning about five of his past lives led him to understand that he had what he calls a karmic requirement to help heal humanity.
The primary story of change he shares with us is about this change from being a physicist - what he always thought he would be - to the path of healing others through therapy.
Bob tells a fictionalized version of his life in his book Ascending Spiral: Humanity's Last Chance. We are fortunate that he is here now and very much real. And very much dedicated to helping humanity, he feels that we are very much on the edge - that we have so much self-destructive behavior.
And after five lives and busy current life, Bob is here to act as a professional grandfather,
He wants us to have a future worth surviving and to have a world that's not ruled by greed and hate and seen that one rule by empathy, compassion, and decency.
Dr. Bob Rich was absolutely going to be a physicist. Until he wasn't. He realized that physics was not going to allow him to be a healer and a helper to humanity. As he opened himself up to the experience of understanding five of his past lives, he began to understand what he calls his karmic requirement. The real reason he is here now.
He recognized that he had a talent for helping his classmates with their problems. And instead of a physicist, he became a therapist.
He is an accidental, secular Buddhist who has a deep respect for the messages that we share around the world and across our many religious traditions. He sees the wisdom that has come from each of our prophets.
And in this time of turmoil, Bob feels our familial connection and acts as professional grandfather to those who seek his guidance.
Be sure to visit Bob at his blog: Bobbing Around And read Ascending Spiral: Humanity's Last Chance
Shelley F. Knight taught me five important life lessons.
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Be happier, you will learn that the little things, were the big things.
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Connect to something bigger than yourself. In acknowledging that you are NOT everything, you become part of the bigger picture.
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Speak your truth. In sharing these lessons and so much more, Shelley spoke her truth, in order to help us with ours.
4. Do more of what you love.
- Live your life - That's right. Live YOUR life. Not the life someone else has defined for you. Your regrets come from what you did not do. Your regrets come from the shoulds.
These lessons help us gain the resiliency we need to live a life full of impermanence.
Shelley F. Knight, author of 'Good Grief: The A to Z Approach of Modern Day Grief Healing,' and 'Positive Change: A Self-Kick Book,' knows about Death with a capital D and death with a little d. She wisely says, "When we talk about grief people think it's the death of a loved one and it's not just that - that's bereavement. Grief is the loss of anything with which you have an emotional connection. It could be your health, a relationship, a dream, your self-confidence, or something else." And yes, grief can also be part of losing someone you love. It is there when you recognize that the plans you thought you had with this person are gone. Shelley mentions after her father died that she realized he would not be there to walk her down the aisle when she got married. Or to meet his grandchildren.
When we open up our definition of grief, we can see that we are all grieving something. That is part of the human condition. It's awkward, and it is beautiful. We do not need to hide it, we need to normalize it.
The truth is that each day, we might be letting go of a plan, a dream, an idea. It might be about meeting a friend for lunch, it might be around losing a job, or perhaps you woke up ill.
At any given time each of us is grieving something.
Can listeners of a Buddhist podcast learn from those who come from different belief systems?
YES, you can. And that is exactly what you are doing as you engage with Season 2 of the Death Dhamma podcast.
You will hear from Buddhist academics, laypeople, spiritual seekers who have Buddhist leanings, and people who have just barely heard of Buddhism.
Why? Because life is your teacher. And everyone has loss and suffering and faces impermanence. Even if they express it differently.
There are people who are ready and willing to share with us, let's be ready to learn.
Once upon a time, Margaret Meloni, your host of the Death Dhamma podcast was on the corporate fast track. So thought she loved it. Her identity was all tied up in work, work and work.
Since others are generously contributing their stories of losing things, ideas, or relationships - Margaret thought it was only fair to tell you the story of one of her big losses. And how this loss changed the trajectory of her life.
Her story provides everything we need in a good exploration of impermanence. Loss, suffering, and clinging! Oh, and the ego too.
In season 1 of the Death Dhamma podcast, Noel Alumit shared his experience as a volunteer during the AIDs pandemic.
Together, he and I compared some of his observations to COVID.
Now, it is season 2, one year later, and COVID is still an important part of the conversation.
In fact, when Justin Whitaker and I began our talk, we started with COVID. Acknowledging that this too is part of the death we experience in life.
Absolutely people have died, too many. And, a way of life may have died, some dreams may have died and our cultures have changed.
Now, it is time for us to find a way to keep moving. To recognize what we have lost and work on reconnecting, with each other, and our new world.
What is it like to meet your perfect partner, start planning your future, and then meet impermanence? Justin Whitaker of Buddhistdoor Global (https://www.buddhistdoor.net/) shares how a loss of a relationship took him through what he calls the fog of loss. And now, years later he sees how that experience has made him more compassionate to others and led him to recognize:
- How being open to the wisdom of others made a positive impact
- The importance of being with your community during challenging times
- Allowing yourself to feel your feelings is critical
- Our Buddhist practice is meant to be experiential
Plus, a good retreat can let you really open up and give you tools to use in the real world; as long as you go with realistic expectations.
Let's come together and accept life, death, and impermanence. Between birth and death, we lose many things. Not just our keys and our glasses. We lose friendships, jobs, things, and of course, sentient beings. All of these experiences are opportunities to become comfortable with impermanence.
The good news is that we don't do this alone! Once again, kind and generous people have stepped forward to teach us. This season we learn about the different ways that impermanence touches our lives, and how we can live peacefully, knowing that everything changes.
Enjoy this preview and be sure to join Margaret Meloni on season 2 of the Death Dhamma podcast - starting January 24, 2022.
Karma—kamma in Pali—is a complicated topic. In its simplest form, it means action. In today’s world, especially in the West, many see it as payback or retribution. We see too many bumper stickers and t-shirts that say, “Karma’s a bitch.” In our culture, there are not enough acknowledgments of good karma and not enough recognition that “Instant Karma” might be a catchy song by John Lennon, but it’s not an accurate representation of what we should expect in the real world.
Some thoughts on karma and death.
In season 1 of the Death Dhamma podcast we jumped right in and discussed death, and grief, and Buddhism. We heard from twelve wise teachers. Each sharing their experiences and wisdom directly from their hearts. And from that sharing came the book, Sitting with Death: Buddhist Insights to Help You Face Your Fears and Live a Peaceful Life (on amazon - https://www.amazon.com/Sitting-Death-Buddhist-Insights-Peaceful-ebook/dp/B09H3N1MTC/ref=zg_bsnr_156448011_22?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=8BZGBYDSEJGJ7T2R4WWP)
With the book launched, and season 1 wrapping up, what is next? Season 2, coming to you in January 2022. We are going to circle back to the concept of grief and loss, as we encounter it in our lives every day. Not Death with a capital D, but our other experiences with impermanence and how Buddhism helps us deal with grief and disappointment.
Since the launch of the Death Dhamma podcast in January 2021, it has all been leading up to this moment. The launch of Sitting with Death: Buddhist Insights to Help You Face Your Fears and Live a Peaceful Life.
Now the book is available! And today on the Death Dhamma podcast, Margaret Meloni is thrilled to read a chapter to you.
Sitting with Death was born out of curiosity, with the goal of helping us all include death in our Buddhist practices. So that we may all have less suffering, more peace, and the ability to help others through loss.
May you be inspired to seek out the rest of the book.
Find it here: Sitting with Death
The Five Recollections combine a healthy recognition of impermanence with death awareness. Most of the Buddhist monks and nuns that I know chant the recollections every day. The truth is, the recollections are not just for monastics. They were intended for all of us. From the Upajjhatthana Sutta, "These are the five facts that one should reflect on often, whether one is a woman or a man, lay or ordained." In today's episode, we will examine these five facts and the value that they bring to our practice, especially as we make peace with death. For more episodes, blog posts and to keep in touch, visit www.margaretmeloni.com
As you grieve, let there be compassion, first for yourself. Later, send compassion to others who were impacted by your loss. And then, when you feel your strength return, remember that everyone will have this experience, and let this realization fill your heart with an abundance of compassion so that it cannot be contained. Your best response is to send that compassion out to all beings.
If, with a mind free from hate,
one arouses love toward just one being,
one thereby becomes good.
Compassionate in mind toward all beings,
the noble one generates abundant merit. (AN 8.1)
When you speak with twelve wise teachers about death and Buddhism, you receive the wisdom of many years of practice, and you have access to a variety of life experiences. You begin to observe areas where we each have different perspectives. You gain insight into the common experiences that we share around death and dying and grief.
A sense of common themes begins to emerge. At first, some of these themes seem obvious, like "Death is difficult for each of us." From these common themes come a sense of unity and understanding. Shared humanity. And if there is ever a time when you need to know that you are not alone, it is when you are staring loss and heartbreak right in the face.
In my family, death has been about cancer and heart disease. There are people whose lives end due to racial violence or because of poverty and a lack of access to healthcare. What some of us might consider an untimely death is an everyday occurrence in someone else's world.
We see unjust deaths occurring every day. Far too often, they are the result of social injustice. And it is not enough to see this as someone’s karma coming to fruition.
Do not look on those who are less fortunate from a place of superiority, thinking, “This is their experience because they have bad karma; they earned it.” If you live a life in which you have the time to practice and to prepare for death, you are privileged.
If you help to create a world in which others can have a better life path, you are also helping them with death.
"Buddhists don't cry." - These are among the last words that Diane's husband said to her before he died. Even in death, he was teasing her. Well, yes we do cry.
From the time she was a child, Diane Wilde has been comfortable with death. She is rare. MOST of us need to work at it. And being comfortable with death does not mean that you do not feel sad when someone you love dies.
We grieve. Our heart breaks open. The passing of time loses meaning. Our throats tighten up. We change how and when we meditate.
And MOST of us come through to the other side of grief. A side where you feel more compassion toward others, your heart comes backs together and you are free from your fear of death.
It was so tempting to call this episode, two widows talking. That could be a catchy title. Maybe even an entirely different podcast. And yes, both Diane Wilde our guest, and Margaret Meloni, your host, are widows.
But this discussion is so much more than that. This is really about shared experiences. This is two people talking about what it feels like when you lose someone you love. And how to move forward with your life, and with your meditation practice.
These are two human beings, who happen to be widows, who happen to be Buddhists, sharing common experiences. And the power of this episode is that sooner or later we will all share these experiences.
There you are sitting on your cushion, meditating through love and loss. Or maybe it is just another day and another meditation. As you sit there are many little deaths. The rising and falling of a moment, a thought, a label, a concept, or an emotion. Everything is changing around you. Your resistance to the idea of impermanence, or aversion to the idea of suffering is changing too. Stop waiting for that epiphany. It might never come. Change is the basic essence of reality. With consistent practice, you continue to chip away at your clinging and aversion. This constant chipping away reveals the beauty of the dhamma.
Cayce Howe is the author of: Becoming Water: Heart Path to Wisdom: Poems on Life, Love, and Awakening
When I asked Cayce Howe, what he would tell his best friend about grief, especially if that friend was new to grief, Cayce did not immediately provide a definition. What he did, was remind me, that grief is different for everyone. We may or may not have the words to describe grief. We have words - sadness, fear, suffering, clinging. But fear might be completely different for you than it is for me. Perhaps our words are not enough.
Grief is complex. Our words are not working. We need more words. Or maybe, what we can do is drop the words and be with the experience. Let go of expectations. Maybe giving friends a definition of grief is unhelpful. The last thing we want to do is add to the burden. Imagine, your best friend has a different experience than yours, and then he wonders, "Am I doing this right?" There is no "doing this right."
There is being. Being with our emotions as they arise in our awareness, and being with our grief.
Cayce Howe is the author of: Becoming Water: Heart Path to Wisdom: Poems on Life, Love, and Awakening
A good son learns from his mother, and when that son is a Buddhist monk, that son also teaches his mother. Venerable Sumitta's widowed mother raised him and his siblings in such a way that they always felt like a whole and complete family. She steered them all through joy and hardship. As she aged, and as he became an experienced monk, he steered her away from attachment and helped her let go of clinging and move toward a peaceful death.
As an eleven-year-old monk, Venerable Sumitta attended the funerals of community members. He did not like it, but his teacher insisted. And in time, he learned that he could be of comfort to his community and that everyone would face death.
Young Venerable Sumitta was no stranger to death. His father died, when he was three, one of his sisters died when he was nine. Later he would lose his brother to a brain tumor. Once he became a more experienced monk, his family and friends relied on him to help them all through their grief. They looked to Him for wisdom and guidance.
Now, as a well-traveled senior monk, living far away from his brothers and sisters, he still helps his family. You see, we are all his family. Wherever he stays, the people he stays with are his family. And he is always ready to help us out with a Dhamma talk, a kind word, and advice on how to keep moving forward with our practice.
Mary Stancavge (https://marystancavage.org/) told me, that she views the world through the lens of having an undefended heart.
She is open to whatever shows up in her life. She seeks to be vulnerable. She encouraged me to consider the many ways in which we armor ourselves. Her undefended heart led her to say yes when a complete stranger asked to speak to her. And her undefended heart is what led her to discuss grief so openly - so that we all might benefit from her wisdom.
In our time together she pointed out the difference between knowing the reality of death versus living the experience of grief.
We can be undefended in our grief, by normalizing the fact that death is a part of everyday life. We can normalize grief by not placing expectations around what it looks like, what it feels like, and how long it lasts. And we can seek to realize that there is nothing to do, nothing to fix, it is about being.
Which just might be easier said than done.
Death? That's one of her favorite topics! This is what Mary Stancavage (https://marystancavage.org/) told me, as she joyfully agreed to speak to me.
Understanding that there is death is different than navigating grief. It is dealing with grief that challenges so many of us. And each loss we grieve is different.
Mary shares a story about sitting with family and friends after her brother's funeral and sharing stories and lots of laughter. She wondered, "How is this part of sadness?" Now, she understands that there is not just one emotion that represents grief.
As we sit and move beyond the idle chatter, deeper insights will come. And if you thought that you had put something away, perhaps stuffed down your feelings around the loss of a loved one, don't worry it will find you. And don't worry - because this is a good thing, and part of your practice.
You do not have to do anything, just be with what arises for you. Grief does not have to overtake you. You are not striving for oneness. This is not a competitive event.
And like Mary and her friends and family at her brother's wake, do not forget the joy. There is joy everywhere. And recognizing that joy while you grieve, helps to make you stronger.
Growing up down the street from advanced Buddhist practitioners (like Daniel Goleman, or Joseph Goldstein, or Sharon Salzberg), is no guarantee that your life will be easy, and that you will just know how to avoid suffering. How do I know this? Because I learned from Dave Smith, of www.davesmithdharma.com.
Between the ages of 11 and 18, Dave experienced the death of two loved ones. Like others, he watched as some of the people closest to him tried to pretend that nothing was wrong.
Buddhism and meditation have been the most transformative forces in his life. As one of his early dharma teachers said to him,
"Now you have wisdom - because your heart has been ripped open."
And part of that wisdom is the recognition that what we all need is to learn how to be sad. And that equanimity means accepting sadness and tragedy in the same way that we accept joy and happiness.
Dave Smith of www.davesmithdharma.com reminds us that death is not rocket science. We know everyone dies. And when we are confronted with death, it is painful. Our challenge lies in knowing about death, but not understanding how to deal with it. And so we treat it as something that needs to be fixed. We can just move on if we can just fix it. "It" is our own sadness or the sadness of someone close to us. There is nothing to fix!
Let's give people permission to grieve. Allowing them to be sad on their own schedule. Without shame or shunning. Just be with your friend or family member who is sad. Just be with your own sadness.
Sometimes we need to allow people to suffer. Not, because you are cruel or unhelpful, but because you really understand the First Noble Truth, there is suffering. Buddhism is not about skipping over the suffering, it is about learning to recognize it, and the source of it and to accept joy and sadness together. Live a happy life, despite the suffering.
If you are looking for a mantra to help you navigate everyday life then consider this, "Have an Open Heart." If you are looking for a mantra to assist with your ability to help yourself and others prepare for death, try, "Have an Open Heart." Are you currently sitting with your own experiences of grief and loss? Please remind yourself to "Have an Open Heart."
This one phrase is so important and impactful - I know it will bring you strength and joy and peace too.
If you think that being a Buddhist is all about passive meditation and not about taking action - please listen to Venerable Karma Lekshe Tsomo. She will not say this, but I will, she is a role model for compassionate Buddhist social action.
So when she says that the way we live sets the stage for the way we die, she is not just preaching. When we discussed how to come to terms with death, how to accept death, how to prepare for our own deaths, her message was strong, clear, and consistent:
1) We don't know when, but we do know that we will die. If you accept this your life will be more peaceful, and you can get on with finding your way to make a difference in this world.
2) Unwholesome actions set the stage for unhappiness. If you lead an ethical life, your future will shape up nicely.
3) We cannot predict our rebirth, but we can seek to live a peaceful life which helps lead to a peaceful death,
4) Your Buddhist practice, with meditation, and compassionate action, prepares you to handle difficulties and to become a resource for others.
And stay with us until the end, because during the last ten minutes of our discussion, she will give you two separate calls to action. Both of which will bring more peace to your life.
Death Dhamma Aha's from speaking with Timber Hawkeye. There is more than one type of death. Consider the death that occurs when someone says to you, "You are dead to me!" Ouch. How do you grieve the loss of someone who is still alive?
Can substituting celebrations of life for funerals help us to let go of ego and self-pity? It seems worth a try.
There is so much that we do not know. What a relief. We can discuss the unknown, embrace the unknown, and not feel pressured by any of it.
Remember our goal, the cessation of suffering.
When it comes to preparing for death, many people say, "I will cross that bridge when I come to it." Timber Hawkeye is here to tell you that you are already on that bridge. You might as well keep moving forward. Stop assuming that death is bad. You don't know that. You know that you will die, what happens next is unknown. When it is his turn he will go on that journey with enthusiasm. Not with caution, but with curiosity.
Timber Hawkeye is the bestselling author of Buddhist Boot Camp and Faithfully Religionless. His books and the Buddhist Boot Camp Podcast offer a secular and non-sectarian approach to being at peace with the world (both within and around us), with the intention to awaken, enlighten, enrich, and inspire. Be sure to visit him at BuddhistBootCamp.com
When the right person is providing spiritual care, it might not matter which robes he or she is wearing. The right chaplain in the right circumstance is invaluable. Speaking with Venerable Guan Zhen was a reminder of the importance of a chaplain who is comfortable with death. In a world where we all have different comfort levels with death and grief, we need compassion. To offer to the dying, to those who are uncomfortable with death, to family and friends, and to ourselves. Compassion is as essential as water.
A Buddhist monk of more than twenty years, a chaplain in our US Army, and now working in hospitals, Venerable Guan Zhen knows about spiritual care. And when he works with families who are experiencing loss, he comes to them from a place of deep wisdom, understanding, and authenticity. He knows that when your loved ones die, it can feel like you have been shot in the heart with an arrow. And he will be quick to tell you, that while it hurts, you are meant to feel. Learning to work with your emotions is part of your path to enlightenment.
So many wisdom bombs, In a good way. You know like a truth bomb or a value bomb? Reflections on the different ways in which people handle their grief, with an understanding that however you are feeling is absolutely OK. Your feelings do not own you or define you, and they will change. Keep working on your practice, this helps you build up your internal resources. Our internal resources and our social and physical environment help us move around the obstacles we face in our lives.
It takes a special person to illustrate the different ways in which grief impacts each of us, and then to teach what it is we all need in order to flourish. Dr. Seth Zuihō Segall, author of Buddhism and Human Flourishing: A Modern Western Perspective, is that person. His background as a Psychologist and Zen Buddhist priest make him uniquely qualified to help us integrate our feelings around grief, our desire to overcome suffering, and the role that Buddhism plays in helping you to live well.
Listen in as he shares his own experiences with grief and what he learned in observing the ways in which others either did or did not learn how to recover from their separations from loved ones. You will definitely want to hear his thoughts on what Buddhism really brings to your life - if you allow it.
Death Dhamma Aha's from Margaret Meloni's discussion with Holly Hisamoto. Thoughts on selecting a hospice, a reminder that grief has no schedule or time-limit, and how all of this can help us continue to treat one another with compassion.
It's one thing to observe the circle of life as it impacts wild animals. And a completely different experience to learn that we too are part of the circle of life. That is when death comes crashing in. Holly Hisamoto learned about death when her favorite aunt died by suicide. And that tragedy helped to create the caring, thoughtful and wise woman that is Holly Hisamoto. A Buddhist chaplain who has worked at a hospice and helped the dying and her families.
Holly understands how to help others set things down and move toward a peaceful death.
Now, Holly shares about her experiences with death, and turns the tables on our host Margaret Meloni, asking her about what she learned from having family members in hospice.
If you listened to the Death Dhamma podcast Episode 3 with Venerable De Hong, it might have changed your perspective on grief and trauma and what happens when our parents die.
In this Death Dhamma Aha follow-up, Margaret Meloni shares the impact that knowing Venerable De has made on her, and some of her own experiences in what it feels like when both your parents are dead.
When his father died, Venerable De Hong shed many tears. When his mother died, he also cried. They died many years apart. But, the difference in the grief he felt is not just due to his own progression on the path. It is that and so much more.
When you are a child, and someone you love and trust abuses you. You feel trapped. When your abuser dies, you are free. Once you process the trauma that came from the abusive relationship, you are truly free.
The grief you feel when your loved ones die is directly related to the relationship you had when you both were living.
Join me in what I like to call Death Dhamma Aha's. An opportunity to reflect on my discussion with Noel Alumit and share with you some of the insightful points I learned from him.
Before COVID there was AIDS. And Noel Alumit learned about life, and death, and grief while working as a volunteer in an AIDS hospice. He was only 22 or 23-years-old.
Now it is years later, and some things have changed, and some things remain the same. We cannot touch one another, we are afraid to be around one another. In the 1990s, Noel and his co-volunteers handed out safe-sex kits. Now we hand out masks. Death was difficult then, and it is difficult now.
And still, there is love and laughter and hope. And there are multiple ways that a person, Buddhist or otherwise can navigate grief.
Listening to Noel you will benefit from his warmth, wisdom and compassion.
The Grim Reaper is a friend of mine, and Buddhism made it possible. I am Margaret Meloni, your host. Please join me as we together we journey to a place of peace and strength and wisdom.
Listen in while amazing Buddhist teachers share their experiences about life, death, and Buddhism.
It will be insightful, and interesting, and once in a while, you are going to laugh!
As my dear father used to say, "Nobody gets out of this alive."