Tshidi M Wyllie 's Podcast: Recent Episodes
Tshidi M Wyllie
Psychosocial support : EQ, EI Series and discussing various life issues to empower the Youth in Botswana aged 18-35 years with Thabiso Tshwenyana @DUMA FM, BOTSWANA. #selfawareness#Selfesteem#Communication skills#Social styles#Conflict management#Stress Management
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"Everyday is a New Beginning "
HALT to mange TRS ( Triggers, Relapse and Stress).
HALT - Hungry
-
Angry
-
Lonely
-
Tired
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"Everyday is a New Beginning "
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"Everyday is a New Beginning "
If you found this helpful buy me coffee here 👉🏼 https://paypal.me/tshidiMwy
Or DONATE: a $1 at https://paypal.me/tshidiMwy
to help me to continue uploading more helpful content. Thank you for supporting the podcast. You may also support through Just subscribing to the podcast or my YouTube channel to help grow our community and our channel by reaching many people with mental health information; you can also freely share the information on social media platforms ( Facebook and X) as well as directly with your friends and family who may benefit from these messages; help them navigate life challenges ; follow us at https://youtube.com/@dr.tshidimwyllie1091/
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"Everyday is a New Beginning "
If you found this helpful buy me coffee here 👉🏼 https://paypal.me/tshidiMwy
Or DONATE: a $1 at https://paypal.me/tshidiMwy
To help me to continue uploading more helpful content. Thank you for supporting the podcast. You may also support through Just subscribing to the podcast by clicking “follow”; OR subscribing to our YouTube channel to help grow our community and our channel by reaching many people with mental health information; you can also freely share the information on social media platforms ( Facebook and X) as well as directly with your friends and family who may benefit from these messages; help them navigate life challenges ; follow us at https://youtube.com/@dr.tshidimwyllie1091/
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"Everyday is a New Beginning "
DONATE to support our initiative in two ways
- Follow the link and donate a $ at our PayPal account : https://paypal.me/tshidiMwy
OR
- Just subscribe to our podcast by clicking “follow”; OR subscribe to our YouTube channel, to help grow our channel to reach many people with mental health information; you are also free to share on Facebook and with friends and family who may benefit from these messages; help them navigate life challenges ; follow us at https://youtube.com/@dr.tshidimwyllie1091/
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"Everyday is a New Beginning "
Also available on YouTube: https://youtu.be/Zv_lSGI2bKU?si=-PppuSGqbD1AmyZz
You can support our initiative in two ways :
1. DONATE: follow the link and donate a $1 at our PayPal account
https://paypal.me/tshidiMwy
OR
- Just subscribe to our podcast by clicking “follow”; OR subscribe to our YouTube channel to help grow our community and our channel by reaching many people with mental health information; you can also freely share the information on social media platforms ( Facebook and X) as well as directly with your friends and family who may benefit from these messages; help them navigate life challenges ; follow us at https://youtube.com/@dr.tshidimwyllie1091/
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"Everyday is a New Beginning "
You can support us by subscribing to our podcast by clicking “follow”; it means a lot to us.
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"Everyday is a New Beginning "
You can support us by subscribing to our podcast by clicking “follow”; it means a lot to us.
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"Everyday is a New Beginning "
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Also available on YouTube
👇🏽
https://youtu.be/_mtwf1VZKsM?si=GZEYAQsWczTOps2O
You can support us by subscribing to our podcast by clicking “follow”; it means a lot to us.
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"Everyday is a New Beginning "
It’s also on YouTube at :
https://youtu.be/86gC537GkVY?si=DDyJ8FTcsk79VhrC
You can support us by subscribing to our podcast by clicking “follow”; it means a lot to us.
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"Everyday is a New Beginning "
You can support us by subscribing to our podcast by clicking “follow”; it means a lot to us.
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"Everyday is a New Beginning "
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"Everyday is a New Beginning "
HALT to mange TRS ( Triggers, Relapse and Stress).
HALT - Hungry
-
Angry
-
Lonely
-
Tired
It’s also available on YouTube 👇🏽
https://youtu.be/SkaVG9CuI2U?si=rQ248obiHvBPMt5e
You can support us by subscribing to our podcast by clicking “follow”; it means a lot to us.
#Please also subscribe to our YouTube channel, share on Facebook and with friends and family who may benefit from these messages; help them navigate life challenges ; follow us at https://youtube.com/@dr.tshidimwyllie1091/
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"Everyday is a New Beginning "
You can support us by subscribing to our podcast by clicking “follow”; it means a lot to us.
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"Everyday is a New Beginning "
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"Everyday is a New Beginning "
It’s also on YouTube, follow the link below to subscribe to my channel :
https://youtu.be/Waj0PiLDBic?si=lJOv-C4Jz-Sov6kX
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"Everyday is a New Beginning "
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"Everyday is a New Beginning "
Also available on YouTube at :
https://youtu.be/0jvlc-fQyCg?si=n1MAFKx36BZJhe2R
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"Everyday is a New Beginning "
The previous upload of Progressive Muscle Relaxation Techniques (PMRT) combined with Mindfulness Meditation is too long for some people to utilize; especially whilst at work during tea and lunch breaks, hence I have separated the two techniques for your convenience .
I hope you’ll find this more useful in its shorter version.
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"Everyday is a New Beginning "
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"Everyday is a New Beginning "
Compiled by Dr Tshidi M Wyllie
music courtesy of VN App.
Music can help as a coping strategy when experiencing anxiety, stress and mood disorders. Similarly , research suggests that it can be effective for managing dementia.
As you listen, pay attention to identify various instruments, rhythm, tempo, harmony, melody and lyrics where necessary and notice your somatic bodily sensations, thoughts, feelings and behavioural responses to music.
The YouTube video available here
👇🏽
https://youtu.be/s29ZgKMENzI?si=3J6IStaesubKfTZo
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We get so busy during the day trying to do different activities, be it studying, research, work, raising a family, and whatever else that you get involved in, to the point that our minds are always busy. Our brain is working over time. Our bodies get stretched beyond measure.
Sometimes we even fail to pause to actually breathe and notice when we are breathing, how we are breathing, even when just naturally breathing. It is important to pause and breathe .
I'm sharing herein a technique or some techniques that I believe can help in self regulation, coping with stressful situation to improve our mental health and general wellbeing and breathing is very important aspect of that.
You can also watch this episode on YouTube here 👇🏽
https://youtu.be/BNYngdZ70VE?si=0S1wT-yvqhvWtMnA
You can also support us by subscribing to our podcast by clicking “follow”; it means a lot to us.
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Sources
Bourne,E.J.(2026,Feb10).Progressive Muscle Relaxation Script. Anxiety &Phobia Workbook.
Chopra,D.(2022).Reinventing Life:The Gift of Resilience. LinkedIn.
Draper,T&Kenned,M.(2024).50
Mindfulness Exercises for Groups and
Individuals. South central Foundation.
Kabat-Zinn,J. (2026,Jan 20).
Mountain Meditation Script,
Palouse Mindfulness Website.
Ramirez, D.(2026).Breath
Awareness. Three Steps Deep Breathing.
Positive Psychology.
Stone,J.(2011).Minding the
Bedside. Minding the bedside.com
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“Out of the heart, the mouth speaketh/Speaks”
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"Everyday is a New Beginning "
Humans have an inborn or innate desire to connect with others, we thrive on connectedness, however, some often find themselves not only dealing with being alone; but with feelings of loneliness even when surrounded by people.
Loneliness is the state of distress or discomfort that is experienced when there is lack of fulfilment of desire for social connection, or the value of the state of the actual social connection experience may be failing to meet one’s expectations e.g:
✨Have you ever been with people and still felt alone and lonely?
- one can be alone and not feel lonely, whilst another could be surrounded by people and feel lonely!
✨ Have you ever felt so lonely in your marriage or relationship ?
Often single people think, If I can find myself a partner I will no longer feel lonely only to be disappointed when they are not alone, but still feeling lonely 😢
Reflections:
Establish what’s creating that inner void and address it.
How did it get formed?
Understand that getting into a relationship expecting the other person to fill the void may lead to you continuing to experience a deep and pervasive loneliness.
Some research studies have revealed that loneliness may be a trigger to mental and physical health challenges with possible long-term health problems; emotional diseases (Colbert,2003, Carnegie,1948).
Similarly, feeling lack of social connectedness can be a painful experience for some people which may lead to depression, suicide ideation or the actual act of suicide.
There are various ways commonly used determine the level of loneliness; to measure the severity of loneliness. In such cases individuals have to respond to question items that targets their range of feelings or deficits of connection, and such include for example the frequency in:
- Feeling left out
- Feeling that they lack companionship
- Feeling that they have no friends
- Feeling they have no one to turn to
- Feeling attuned to people around them or lack thereof
- feeling “in tune” with people around them
- Feeling that they are outgoing and friendly
- feeling they have people to turn to
- Feeling all alone
But in the era we live in with hectic lifestyles and everyone focused on their issues, chasing dreams and living more online, some people have drifted apart or become physically, emotionally and socially unavailable hence creating loneliness for many.
There are potential health consequences for people who frequently feel lonely , who lack a social support system and social connections, humans beings are social animals by nature, therefore, everyone needs increased social connection at personal, family or community level to attain a sense of belonging , in order to not feel lonely.
Though some people may say; I do have friends and family but I still feel so lonely?
The question is:
-
What’s the quality of those relationships?
-
What could be missing which you desire or needs to improve or that has to change?
-
How authentic are those relationships?
-
What is it that they are not meeting in you?
-
Are you free to be yourself in those relationships?
-
How comfortable are you in those social connections?
Remember# It’s not the quantity of connections you have, but the quality, having many friends can never be fulfilling if relationships are not authentic.
Similarly, surrounding yourself with people who never see any good in you, or who always leave your energy depleted or those that you consider to be your closest friends, whilst they don’t share the same feelings towards you can make you feel sad.
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You can also watch this on YouTube by clicking this link 👇🏽:
shorts/LIVE IN ALIGNMENT NOT ATTACHMENT & LET GO! #learntoletgo #acceptance #control
https://youtube.com/shorts/xBfWCoQYfgc
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"Everyday is a New Beginning "
You can watch it on YouTube by following this link below:
https://youtu.be/Z7xJvL-6GSQ
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You can watch it on YouTube by following this link below
https://youtube.com/shorts/z7MceDzHUtw?feature=share
shorts/Journal Your Way Into Clarity #Journaling #distortions #clarity #perceive #processing
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You can watch it on YouTube by following this link below:
👇🏽
https://youtube.com/shorts/_DE1P8izFrA?feature=share#shorts/OUR FAULTY BELIEVES AND PERCEPTIONS
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You can watch it on YouTube by following this link
shorts/OUR FAULTY BELIEVES AND PERCEPTIONS #relationships, #distortions #communication #love
https://youtube.com/shorts/ZdgByhBC1ag?feature=share
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over caring. #clingy
controlling. #insecure
fearful. #fear
distortions. #unstable Mental state
relationship. #I can’t breathe
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Shorts/WHEN A MAN LOVES YOU #emotional #communication #provision #protection #affection #honesty
https://youtube.com/shorts/JnOdVi4yZo8/
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Let go
release yourself. #emotionally stuck
mentally stuck #physically stuck
relationships. #inner peace
find peace. #peace #perceptions
distortions. #beliefs #rigidity
serenity. #control #flexibility
anger. #Behaviour #control
GBV. #emotional Intelligence
low emotional intelligence
self-centered personality
restricted personality
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behavioural actions
transparency
open communication
your needs matter to him
protective& provision
involves you in decision making
knows your love languages
your thoughts and views matter to him
your emotions are important to him
honesty
emotional support
listens
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Attachment #Styles. #Relationships
Ambivalent. #disorganised. #avoidant
fearful #confused. #anxious
fear closeness #intimacy. #hot &cold
inconsistent. #unreliable. #unstable. #mental state. #behaviour
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notice. #mindfulness
awareness. #attunement
noticing #emotional expression
emotional awareness. #self-awareness
“The range of what we think and do is limited by what we fail to notice, and because we fail to notice that we fail to notice, there is little we can do to change, until we notice how failing to notice shapes our thoughts and deeds”(R.D.Laing).
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forgiveness
holding grudges
offense
unforgiveness
letting go
putting incident behind
emotional regulation
letting go of bitterness, resentment, anger etc
reasons for failing to forgive
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Tea Session with Boi
the impact of unemployment on dating
Dating dynamics
cultural practices
Bride price/Lobola
Money and dating/marriage
will you date or marry someone who has no job and income?
Should the bride price; “bogadi/lobola be abolished?
Tea Session With Boi: Unemployed Youth, Dating & Marriage
https://youtu.be/vtK4zH9bRhw
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negative emotions can make you sick
emotipnal self-awareness
emotional self-expression
emotional baggage
emotional cargo
emotional diseases
pent-up emotions
emotional processing
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Is the Mobile phone triggering arguments and unnecessary conflicts in your relationship?
Does your relationship need mobile phone regulation and agreed upon policy?
In a scale of 0-10 can your relationship survive the mobile phone snooping ?
deleted stuff are retrievable; deleting messages if it’s noIt due to storage issues attracts suspicions
Is it really important to have access to each other’s phones? Will the relationship collapse if you don’t?
Isn’t phone snooping similar to tracking “godisa /govoulela” which is usually triggered by insecurity, jealousy and fear?
if someone chooses infidelity, no amount of phone tracking, monitoring or phone-snooping will change their behaviour.
you may not find messages or evidence on the phone, and that may not necessarily mean your partner is not cheating
Going through someone’s phone will only increase your anxiety, so, is it really worth it?
Let me know what are your thoughts about this issue.
WhatsApp us on 76 890 835
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There is a link between Emotions and physical wellbeing
Negative Emotions can be deadly
Negative Emotions can cause diseases
There can be no health without mental health
Treating physical symptoms without addressing underlying emotional root causes is counterproductive hence medications not working for some conditions you may be experiencing.
Identify your underlying NEGATIVE CORE Unprocessed emotions
Resentment, bitterness, anger, unforgiveness, self-loathing, self-hatred may trigger diseases
watch your thoughts and emotions
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Cognitive impact
Academic performance
Lack of focus and concentration
academic decline
behavioural problems; bullying/ bullied, aggression or timidity, self isolation
Social life impacted
Stigma and self-esteem
Emotions: Shame, guilt, anger, fear, resentment, bitterness etc
Mitigating the Impact of Divorce on Children’s Academics
https://youtu.be/5cXIqDGw2bM
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Divorce does not only impact the couple who find themselves having to take it as the only option, it affects the children too.
Psychological effects
Emotional impact
Open communication: age appropriate
Family dynamics
Maintain structure; routine
Shared parenting
child-appropriate coping strategies
Empathy
Avoid bad-mouthing the other parent
You can also Watch our YouTube Shorts:
https://youtube.com/shorts/E_-X7KgAcqY?feature=shared
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Answer : Yes OR No?
DO YOU CONSIDER ANY OF THESE CHEATING?
When you are married or in a relationship and find your partner to be doing the following, will you consider that cheating; does such behaviour qualify as cheating?
| BEHAVIOUR/ACTION STATEMENT | YES | NO
| 1.Texting someone else of the opposite sex secretly. | Yes/No
| 2. Hiding browsing history from partner | Yes/No
| 3. Secretly Watching Pornography | Yes/No
| 4. Masturbating | Yes/No
| 5. Giving special attention to someone else |
Yea/No
| 6. Putting a password on the phone and refusing to share it with partner | Yes/No
| 7. Regularly communicating with ex-partner, constantly talking about Ex | Yes/No
| 8. Adding attractive strangers on social media to friend list. | Yes/No
| 9. Flirting with someone and giving them mobile number. | Yes/No
| 10. Hiding messages (in the phone back office) or deleting text for partner not to see. |
Yes/No
Total 🟰 ?
We are also on Apple podcast and you can watch us on YouTube shorts
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Divorce. #Children
impact. #effects
psychological. #Mental. #Behavioural
Financial. #Anxiety. #Fear
Anger. #Emotional Distress
Substance use
We are also on Apple podcast and you can watch us on YouTube shorts
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"Everyday is a New Beginning "
betrayal induced trauma
trauma caused by feeling betrayed
Intimate partner betrayal/romantic partner betrayal
Institutional betrayal
Interpersonal betrayal
effects
betrayal blindness
Betrayal denial
unconscious blocking
choices
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Free Anger Management Certification Training for Clinicians Click here and Register: 👇🏽
https://my.pesi.partners/554NQCR/2MCF14N/
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Core beliefs
challenge negative core beliefs
negative core beliefs
negative core beliefs fuel your low self~esteem
Low self-esteem
perceptions
self-concept
Self-interpretation
self-talk
generalization tendencies e.g “Everybody hates me”, “nobody likes me” etc. Really ? Everybody in this whole world hates you? Is that really true? Is it realistic? Is it possible for an individual to be liked or loved by everyone?
“Am not good at anything”, how true is that? What could be the opposite of that? Do you honestly believe that there isn’t a single thing you have the ability to do? how did you reach that conclusion, and how did you learn that?
REMEMBER: #every learnt negative core belief can be unlearned
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"Everyday is a New Beginning "
This was produced as a video, but also uploaded on this podcast as an audio.
#PROS: of Substance use; whether Opioids, Stimulants, Depressants, hallucinogens or others. What are the good things about using them; e.g cannabis, meth, alcohol, Ecstasy, Crack Cocaine, etc
CONS of Substance use; what is not so good about using substances e.g what’s not awesome about cannabis/marijuana, Methcathinone /Cathinone, methamphetamine use ?
#PROS of change ; the good things about stopping substance use, the benefits or advantages of not using the substance.
#CONS: the not so good things about stopping use of the substance; what’s not awesome about not using the substance?
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SUD : substance use disorders are a global concern
Stigma may prevent people with substance used disorders from seeking help
It is often difficult to get parents/caregivers to know how to initiate discussions with their loved ones
Often parent’s emotions interfere with the ability to show empathy and support their children living with SUD
No one intentionally develops dependency on alcohol, marijuana or any other substance/drug
Its important to use non-labeling, non-stigmatizing words
Setting boundaries clarifies where you stand on drugs
Substance use impacts family systems and often members find themselves trying to cope by functioning in different roles of either becoming:
-
Enabler,
-
Hero,
-
Scapegoat
-
Lost Child
-
Mascot
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Worrying about the past , present or future will not alter the situation; but may very well alter your mental health and physical well-being.
“there is no health without mental health” - Stop worrying, it solves nothing.
Physiological responses to worry
Emotionally caused diseases
Psychosomatic ailments; Diseases, sicknesses, illness.
Diabetes, Rheumatism, Arthritis, heart conditions, elevated blood pressure, skin disorders etc
Notice when you are in a worry drive; is it about the past? What will dwelling on it change?, can it delete, erase or change your past, your present or your future.
Avoid focusing on closed doors of your past; you’ll miss open doors of your present and future ( Wyllie,T.M, 2024; Botshelo, T,M, 2014).
Develop healthy coping strategies
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"Everyday is a New Beginning "
Fascinating book by Dale Carnegie:”How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”. It’s worth reading. Try it!
- Is your job weighing you down?.
If you were to change jobs what will you change into?.
What are the challenges of transitioning from what you are doing now to the option you may be considering?.
Do you have what it takes?.
What has to happen for the change to take place?.
Do you have the passion, talent, skills and additional competencies to find a niche there?.
We are still reading the book by Dale Carnegie: "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living".
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"Everyday is a New Beginning "
We continue reading Dale Carnegie’s book: “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”.
worry is counter productive
does your worrying change the situation?
whats the worst that could possibly happen?
as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he”
you are what you think
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"Everyday is a New Beginning "
From Dale Carnegie’s book : “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”.
-
Does worry change your situation?
-
Does spending sleepless nights thinking about the problem make it disappear?
-
Do you find solutions by worrying?
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Ask yourself: “what’s the worst that could happen?”.
-
Have you considered acknowledging the problem, noticing your thoughts and emotions , getting enough sleep, exercising, and mindfulness, then moving into rational problem solving?
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"Everyday is a New Beginning "
thoughts
emotions
behaviour
interlinked
notice your thoughts
notice the link between your thoughts and your emotions
notice the influence of your thoughts and emotions on your actions/behaviour
notice how your negative actions/behavior influence your thoughts, emotions and eventually your Behaviour creating a cycle of negativity.
notice how your distorted thoughts influence your emotions and how you treat , talk to or behave towards your partner/children which result in conflict or them not being unable to love you back.
notice your tendencies to over think/rumination
notice when your actions are based on anger or impulsivity ; only to end up with regrets.
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Are you avoidant?
What scares you in a relationship?
What are the strengths of your relationship?
What needs changing in the relationship?
Never try changing the person: change perceptions, expectations and examine what you have in common
when there is conflict do you prefer shutting down than talking? That’s stonewalling (sulking).
When you do that, how is your partner impacted and does that resolve the issue or escalate emotions?
Do you tend to need closeness or distance in the relationship?
Do you feel suffocated by closeness in relationships?
When your relationships end do you downplay or minimize its importance?
Or When your relationship ends do you fall apart?
Are you always fearful in a relationship; scared that it may end and you may be abandoned, and because of those fears, do you tend to monitor your partner , become insecure, aggressive, controlling, violent or jealous?
How are your anxieties, controlling or dismissive Behavioural tendencies affecting the relationship?
If your partner treated you the way you treat them, will you be happy in the relationship?
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- Self-awareness: involves emotional self-understanding, emotional self-expression, self-acceptance, awareness of how your emotions impact others, and how you get impacted by other people's emotions, actions and behaviours as well.
Your ability to effectively manage conflict, anger, and stress.
Self-awareness is all about the awareness of your strengths and limitations.
Therefore, it's important for us to notice, to learn, and to let go of self-limiting stories regarding who we are, in order to live meaningful and fulfilled lives.
We are not the negative stories we grew up being told, that we internalized, believed and continue to tell ourselves. We are completely different from that.
There are lessons, however, to learn about ourselves. If you are interested in going on this journey of inner introspection, reflection, and inner journey of your inner self, lessons to learn about the self is to look at :
-
Who are you really?
-
Who are you when you are alone?
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Who are you when you are with friends?
-
Who are you among strangers?
-
Who are you in your family or with your family?
- Who would you say you are at church, at work, among your colleagues, among strangers, people you don't know …..?
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"Everyday is a New Beginning "
Our early childhood’s emotional and physical environment influences our adult life and how we end up experiencing relationships. Are you secure?
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"Everyday is a New Beginning "
WHAT CAN WE DO
unhealthy Relationship
toxicity
toxic relationships
emotionally overwhelming
draining
demeaning
abusive
belittling
hurting
genderbasedviolence
violence
aggressive
quit
toxic-environment
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"Everyday is a New Beginning "
🌿 The Silent Wound: Growing Up Without a Father 🌿
Written By Rittah Mmonadibe ,
Edited by Dr T.M Wyllie
Absentfathers
absentdaddies
absent Dads
absent
father
Looking at social media this past Sunday was heartbreaking. While we celebrated daddies with love and laughter, it was evident that Father’s Day is a painful trigger for some.
For those who grew up without a present or supportive father, father’s day can open old wounds. It may become a reminder of what was missed and continue to be missed; daddy’s warm hugs that never came, the comforting words never spoken, the presence that was never felt. An absent father leaves behind more than silence. He leaves questions, emotional scars, and sometimes a lifelong search for identity and desire for a sense of belonging.
Not forgetting single mothers, who carry both the heavy weight of being a mother and a father to provide a nurturing and protective environment whilst having to wipe away tears of their children and at the same time often having to hide their own hurts. To these mothers, Father’s Day can be a reminder of the load they have to carry alone, sacrifices they have to make, and of the emotional labour that often goes unseen or an appreciated.
New Beginnings Counselling Centre counsellors understand the deep emotional pain in this situation and believe that ruptures can be repaired and relationships healed. We are available to help.
To anyone who found Father’s Day triggering and challenging to navigate; your feelings are valid, your pain is real and healing is possible.
💚Talk to someone.
💚 You are not alone.
💚You are worthy of love and healing.
Please support us by following us here by Clicking on follow at the top right corner of the page to receive an update every time we upload a new audio or Follow us on YouTube by clicking: https://youtube.com/@dr.tshidimwyllie1091/
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"Everyday is a New Beginning "
Attachment Styles : Anxious - Avoidant
Why Do I Pull Away OR Hold On Too Tight?
- Understanding your attachment style is the first step to building healthier, more secure connections.
- 💞 Anxious vs. Avoidant Attachment Styles
- Attachment theory explains how early experiences shape our relationship behaviors. Here’s a simple breakdown of two common insecure styles: anxious and avoidant.
- 🧠 1. Anxious Attachment Style
- Core Fear: Abandonment or being "too much"
- Common Traits:
- Craves closeness and constant reassurance
- Fears being rejected or left
- Overthinks messages or silence
- Struggles with trusting a partner’s love
- May become clingy or “people-pleasing” to avoid conflict
- Rooted in: Inconsistent caregiving. Love felt unpredictable growing up.
- Relationship Patterns:
- Attracted to avoidant types
- May feel emotionally “high” when things are good, and “crash” when there's distance
- Can struggle with emotional regulation
❄️ 2. Avoidant Attachment Style
Core Fear: Losing independence or being emotionally vulnerable
Common Traits:- Values space and self-reliance
- Feels overwhelmed by emotional closeness
- May shut down or pull away during conflict
- Finds it hard to express feelings or ask for support
- Can appear emotionally distant or unavailable
- Rooted in: Emotionally unavailable or overly demanding caregivers.
Relationship Patterns:- May view partners as “too needy”
- Often feels suffocated by emotional demands
- Tends to minimize their own needs
- When the pulling away happens, chasing may not be The right approach for an avoidant individual, it will create resentment, anger and bitterness because the person needs to re-energise
- And if the person is angry, they often take longer to process , therefore, your constant communication will feel like nagging and further create annoyances exacerbating the situation.
- Whilst waiting for them to come around , you need to learn to self- regulate, be aware of things within your control and those beyond your control. You only have control over your thoughts, emotions and behaviour not that of others.
- Use journaling to process your thoughts and emotions
- Use mindfulness, go for a walk, go to the gym
- Notice your triggers and focus on positive things and support systems around you.
- Ruminating and stressing about the situation will not make it disappear.
❤️ If you’re ready to break old patterns and create more secure relationships, counselling can help. With the right support and self-awareness, you can build stronger, healthier connections starting with yourself.
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"Everyday is a New Beginning "
How to Emotionally Self-Regulate
Emotional self-awareness is crucial in our day to day life; at the workplace and in our personal lives.
Each day we encounter situations that may trigger tension in various settings.
An emotionally intelligent individual has the competencies of emotional self-awareness, emotional self-expression and awareness of other people’s emotions and this also involves mindfulness and emotional self regulation. When you encounter an emotionally triggering event, the trick is not to suppress the emotions/submissiveness or to be reactive / throw tantrums. Rather, you could try the following:
- Identify the emotions; name it
Is it anger, fear, frustration or sadness etc .” Identify and naming it helps you to acknowledge and manage it.
- What are the facts; Is it true?
Process, challenge the thoughts associated with the feeling, is it true? Is it accurate? Could you be interpreting things inaccurately clouded by your perceptions and stereotypes? or could the situation be triggering previous experiences that were hurtful or you could not to address successfully?
- Notice the Somatic responses ; physiological changes and urges
What action is this emotion evoking; to:
Say?
Do/Act?
Shut down?
Avoid?
- Self -Regulate: Act differently
When tempted to stonewall, sulk or withdraw, calmly and assertively express your feelings. When you feel like being reactive/lashing out; pause and process, and shift to consequential thinking, examine if you are being responsive or reactive, escalating or de-escalating the situation/tension.
- Assertive communication
involves authentic communication of how the situation makes you feel, honest expression of how you wish to be treated or your desired outcome; the change you wish to see without being aggressive.
- Mindfulness
Engage in square/box breathing, go for a walk. Journal, listen to soothing music, or guided meditation, self-soothing techniques ; squeeze a ball or pat a dog.
- Reflections:
- What strategies have you used when highly triggered?
- In a scale of 0-10; with 0 being inadequate and 10 being excellent, how well have the strategies you used worked for you?.
Remember # Emotional Intelligence is an effective tool for meaningful relationships and high performance.
References
Bray, S.(2025,June 6). Emotional Outbursts Don't Belong in the Boardroom, But Neither Does Bottling It Up. LinkedIn.
Goleman , D. (1995). Emotional Intelligence: Why it matters more than IQ
Stein and Book ( 2005 ). The EQ Edge: Emotional Intelligence and Your Success.
Botshelo, T. M. (2014). Itsose : Lifeskills for the African Youth
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"Everyday is a New Beginning "
Written by Rittah Mmonadibe,
Edited by Dr Tshidi M Wyllie,PhD.
🌿 The Healing Power of Forgiveness 🌿
Forgiveness is not about condoning what hurts us. It’s not about forgetting, or pretending we’re okay when we’re not.
Forgiveness is about freedom, freeing ourselves from the heavy burden of anger, resentment, bitterness and pain of the past that silently weighs on our hearts and minds.
Each day spent holding on to resentment, bitterness and vindictiveness can affect your mental health. Unforgiveness leads to anxiety and depression that may ultimately cause chronic stress and broken relationships.
Forgiveness helps you to intentionally and consciously let go of offense, grudges and anger to embrace inner peace and joy. Research has proved that emotional health care and physical health and healing are linked and requires reflecting and taking action or steps and when we do, the benefits includes the fact that it 🧠 :
✨ Improves mental health and emotional stability
✨ Reduces anxiety and depression
✨ Strengthens relationships
✨ Brings inner peace and joy
Forgiveness is for your well-being; not for the person you choose to forgive. Sometimes it may not happen in a momentarily; but take longer; become a longer journey, but that’s okay. With support and patience it is possible to embrace forgiveness.
If you’re struggling to forgive someone in your life or even yourself we’re here to support you.
💚Reach out to us today. Let’s walk the path of healing, together.
📞:3116488
💌: 76890835
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Empathy
Compassion
Kindness
Self-Compassion
Acts of Kindness
Shifting focus
Mindfulness
Loving others attracts self love
Journaling
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"Everyday is a New Beginning "
Happiness is possible
Rewire your Brain
Self-Perception
Nature Walks
Music & Dance
Choose to be happy despite what you may be going through
Contentment
Happiness is a choice, it starts in the mind
Laughter Therapy/Comedy
Aroma Therapy
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"Everyday is a New Beginning "
- Written by Rittah Mmonadibe,
- Edited by Dr Tshidi M Wyllie
As we celebrated Mother’s Day, our hearts went out to the women who carried dreams of motherhood but never got to be called “ Mum “ or "Mama."
Those who have endured the heartbreak of miscarriages…
Those who have walked the painful path of infertility…
Those who grieve the child they never got to hold…
You are not alone.
Your love is real.
Your loss is valid.
Your story matters.
We empathise with you, we honour and acknowledge your strength because when others were told “happy Mother’s Day”; you may have found that triggering.
But What is a Mother?
A mother is not just a woman who biologically birthed a child, many women gave birth to children that can’t even call them Mama.
Many who birthed children couldn’t even care about their whereabouts, and can’t have a healthy mother-child relationship with those they birthed.
Therefore, we say to you, you maybe a better mother than many,
Remember; you are a mother to many that you :
Mentored,
Coached,
Educated
Nursed,
Counseled
Led to Christ
Helped fund/finance their education
Helped to get them clothes and food,
Showed love,
Inspired to be their better self,
Showed compassion, guidance and encouraged when they faced difficulties, when they found school challenging and in so many other ways!
We celebrate your strength, happy Mother’s Day to you too, you are a mother in your own right . Continue being awesome💚
📞:+267-3116488
💌 newbeg@duck.com
WhatsApp +26776890835
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"Everyday is a New Beginning "
🌱 A Season of Waiting : Delay is Never a Denial 🌱
Written by : Rittah Mmonadibe
Edited by : Tshidi M Wyllie,PhD.
In the quiet moments of waiting, it’s easy to feel forgotten. When doors don’t open as quickly as we hope, or healing takes longer than expected, we can begin to doubt ourselves, our path, and even our worth. But here’s the truth we want you to hold onto: a delay is not a denial.
Life unfolds in seasons. Just because something hasn’t happened yet, doesn’t mean it won’t. The dreams you carry, the healing you seek, the peace you long for, are all valid and possible. Just hold on to the hope!
Sometimes, what feels like a “no” may simply be life saying; “Not yet. You’re still growing. You’re still becoming.”
At our counselling center, we’ve walked alongside many; who felt stuck in the waiting, we’ve seen transformations that bloomed despite the delays that occurred, and because of it; time, support, empathy, compassion and strength was built as clarity emerged and Hope rekindled.
So, if you’re in a season of waiting, we invite you to pause, breathe, and remind yourself: this is not the end of your story.
✨ You are not alone.
✨ You are not behind.
✨ You are being prepared for what’s next.
When you're ready and need to process the waiting; we’re here to build your resilience every step of the way.
Call us on +267-3116488
WhatsApp +267-76890835
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"Everyday is a New Beginning "
Are you a 30+ year old unemployed Motswana male ?
-
Do you keep applying for jobs and not getting feedback?
-
Or; Have you lost your job and now learning to adapt?
-
What coping strategies are you using?
-
What life style adjustments did you have to make as a result of your situation?
-
What feelings, thoughts and emotions are associated with your situation?
-
How has the situation affected your relationship/marriage?
-
What are your options?
-
If you are a female listening to this audio, what are your thoughts, How would you cope or are you coping if your partner is unemployed and can’t seem to find a job?
-
Would you leave your relationship just because your partner can’t find a job or lost his job?
-
If tables were turned, and you lost your job or can’t find one, should your partner consider leaving you because of your unemployment?
-
Are your partner’s emotions related to unemployment negatively affecting your relationship?
References
Tea girls Image ©️ https://www.masterfile.com/image/en/6110-06702725/young-black-woman-smiling-at-her-friend/
Music copyright ©️Pixabay.com/music
https://pixabay.com/music/upbeat-mental-health-music-psychology-therapy-mind-brain-background-intro-269378/
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We are starting Group sessions for the youth soon at P120/person/2hrs with a Maximum of 20 and Minimum 15 people.
Venue will be determined by the size of the group and the preferred day of the week between Friday and Saturday.
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"Everyday is a New Beginning "
- Your thoughts influence your emotions and ultimately your actions.
- Notice the triggers.
- Pay attention to the emotions that follow and name them.
- Notice the behaviour born out of emotions influenced by distorted thinking.
- Pay attention to your physiological responses/bodily sensations.
- Are your coping strategies working for you?
- What can you do differently?
- Emotions are not bad; they carry messages, what is the message behind your emotion?
- Learn to Breathe.
- Learn to Relax.
- Worrying and rumination will not change what has happened.
- Notice when you ruminate, and challenge that by asking yourself these questions:
- is it helping?
- is it beneficial?,
- is it making the problem disappear?
- Will the challenge be gone by tomorrow?
- What improvement/change is the worry (anxiety) bringing?
- What’s the worst that could happen?
- If the worst that i am imagining could happen, what will that mean?
- What are the possibilities that the worst am imagining and fearing will actually happen?
- Could there be a different way of perceiving the situation?
- On a scale of 0 to 10; with 0 being 👉🏼poorly and 10 being 👉🏼Very well, how am I coping with the situation?
Remember this saying by Lao-Tze:
"Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become character.
Watch your character, it becomes your destiny"
Avoid catastrophizing, it's not a healthy way of thinking and coping with life challenges, it exacerbates anxiety creating a cycle until you become anxious about being anxious.
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"Everyday is a New Beginning "
-
It is important to identify and clarify your emotions.
-
Emotions are harmless, how emotions are expressed however is another thing
-
Anger is a normal feeling, knowing what triggered it is essential.
-
Embracing anger than suppressing it is helpful and healthy
-
Establishing positive, effective ways of expressing anger in a less aggressive manner is not only good for the person with anger, but also good for other people and essential for healthy relationships.
-
The flip side of Anger = dAnger
-
Negatively expressed anger is detrimental to one’s health and can be dangerous when aggressive behaviour is used as an instrument for expressing anger.
-
Anger is a feeling, Aggression is a behaviour.
-
Journal the incident/situation that led to your anger, what could you have done differently, how would you respond under similar situation in the future?
-
Decode the data/ information or important message behind the anger. Is there an unmet need? What is your anger teaching or telling you?
-
What purpose is your anger or the emotion you are feeling serving?
-
Is it justified? challenge the thoughts associated with the anger emotion .
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"Everyday is a New Beginning "
Have you ever wondered why some days leave you completely drained while others energize you? The answer lies in a simple but profound exercise—creating an activity inventory of your daily life.
Following our previous exploration of relationship inventories, this episode dives deep into how the activities filling your day impact your mental wellbeing. From the moment you wake until you fall asleep, everything you do either nourishes, neutralizes, or depletes your energy reserves. By carefully documenting and categorizing these activities using the P-N-D framework (Positive-Neutral-Depleting), you gain powerful insights into what truly serves you.
The most revealing discoveries often come when examining depleting activities—those that leave you mentally exhausted and emotionally drained. Many of us find ourselves trapped in depleting careers or routines because of parental expectations, financial necessity, or societal pressure. The mismatch between personality and daily activities creates a constant source of stress that undermines wellbeing. Through the journaling process outlined in this episode, you'll identify these joy thieves and develop strategies to eliminate or modify them.
This isn't just about productivity—it's about reclaiming your mental health and reducing anxiety. By intentionally crafting days filled with more nourishing activities and fewer depleting ones, you create space for fulfillment and joy. What depleting activities might you eliminate today? Your mind and body will thank you for making this inventory a regular practice.
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"Everyday is a New Beginning "
- Take stock of your relationships
- Develop a relationship inventory
- Which ones are sucking energy out of you and which are nourishing for you
- What can you do to cope in depleting relationships?
- How can you enhance relationships that you find draining?
- Are they worth keeping?
- Can you create healthy boundaries?
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"Everyday is a New Beginning "
”How to Stop Worrying and Start Living” is an intriguing book by Dale Carnegie. It’s worth reading.
- Do you love the job you do?
- Is your personality compatible with the job you do or the course you are pursuing if you are still at college or varsity?
- It is important to choose a career that's comptible to your personality; e.g you can't be in any of the helping professions (Nursing, Socialwork, Teaching, Counselling, Mother etc) if you can't stand working with people or children. Chances are; you'll easily feel depleted and "do more harm than GOOD" in helping the people you are meant to serve.
- Are you one of those who were disillusioned about a particular career?
- Did you find yourself pursuing a particular career path just because your parents insisted on it?
- Do you find yourself doing a job you loath?
- Did you go into a particular profession just because you believed it pays more and now you don't enjoy the work you do?
- Do you drag yourself out of bed to go to a workplace you can't stand, and do the job you hate just to earn income to pay bills?
- Are you feeling psychologically depleted by your job and the thought of it?
If you said yes to all of the above, or to atleast 4 of them, you need to find this book by Dale Carnegie and read it to the end. It will transform your way of thinking, they way you percieve yourself and the job you do.
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"Everyday is a New Beginning "
By Rittah Mmonadibe
Edited by : Tshidi M Wyllie ( PhD)
“Rejoice with those who celebrate, and weep with those who mourn” is a common phrase, but how easy is it to live by it? What makes it difficult to celebrate the success of others?
Often we are told to celebrate the success of others, cheer them on and wholeheartedly be happy for them. What happens when you’ve been clapping for so long that your hands start to hurt? What happens when everyone else seems to be moving forward and you feel stuck in the same place?.
When you feel stuck and find it difficult to celebrate, It does not mean that you’re not happy for them, you are, however, deep down, there’s a subtle ache and silent inner voice that whispers; ‘When will it be my turn?’
If this is you, know that your feelings are valid. You are not bitter; you are human. It’s okay to celebrate others while also noticing and acknowledging the longing and desire to celebrate your breakthrough. It’s okay to experience mixed emotions , feelings of joy and sadness at the same time, which often occurs when you compare yourself with others. Most importantly, it’s okay to admit, notice and identify the emotion related to the trigger.
#Remember; your journey is not over. You are still maturing, growing, evolving personally and in your career, and hopefully one day things will change. Clapping for others and the delay you are experiencing does not mean your success will never come; where there is determination and hope, there will eventually be a success to celebrate, and when that moment arrives, there will be many hands ready to clap for you; the same hands of everyone that you have been clapping for over the years.
Right now the weight of waiting may feel too heavy and unbearable, focus on the positives going on in your life, shift your focus from the negatives, practice positive self talk, and if you feel like talking to someone , we are here for you. You don’t have to navigate it alone.
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1. Learn to listen: We hear our partner talking all the time, but how often do we really listen? Hearing and listening are two different things. If you find yourself fighting back anger at what your partner is saying, busy preparing what to say as soon as you get a chance or interrupt, then you’re not listening. To improve communication, you need to learn to listen to what your partner is saying. Active listening involves listening to the thoughts and feelings expressed in words and body language. Effective listening implies hearing beyond the noise and words, it can help improve the connection with your partner and enable you to learn to be more patient with other people.
2. Set up a time out system: When communicating with your partner, the discussions don’t have to continue unabated until you reach a resolution or explode in anger. For effective and mindful communication, notice how you’re feeling during a discussion and ask your partner to do the same. Agree on a word or phrase for either one of you to say when you need a break or don't feel heard, such; “please stop,” “let's break,” “I need time out,” or “cool off.” This can help when either of you feel frustrated, on the verge of shouting or saying hurtful things, use the time out phrase, take a break and resume discussion when feeling calm.
3. Be Mindful of the Words you Use: The words you use make a difference; remember, once said, they can never be unsaid, unheard or taken back. Be mindful of the words you use when talking with your partner. Ask yourself whether what you’re about to say will help get your point across and further the discussion, or if it will only hurt or inflame. If it’s the latter, it might be time to use that time out phrase.
4. Pause and Ask if it Really Needs to be Said: Honesty and openness are vital in any relationship, but that doesn't mean you have to say everything that comes to your mind as it may be impaired. Pausing and rational thinking are important part of good communication. Notice when you want to say something born out of anger, frustration, desire to lash out or retaliate, pause!, find an alternative way to express your emotions e.g journaling, going for a walk, squeezing a cushion or listening to soothing music till you are calm to express your emotions and thoughts without being vindictive.
5. Check your understanding of What you Think you Heard:
Seek clarity on what your partner just said to you if you’re not sure you understood. Paraphrase what you think you heard just to be sure you heard right. Use simple mirroring technique: e.g after one finishes talking, say something like; “so what you’re saying is ….” (and repeat what you thought was said in your own words). This gives you the chance to verify your understanding and gives your partner the opportunity to clarify. Ask follow-up questions such as; “how does that make you feel?”, “how best can we look at the situation"?, how would you like for us to resolve the issue? #Remember: feeling heard and validated promotes a better understanding of each other.
6. Use Empathic Listening; Put Yourself in their Shoes: Think about what your partner is saying, ask how that might make your partner feel, what would make them feel better and share your own feelings and thoughts about the situation. Imagine being in your partner's shoes and how it might feel. Unresolved?, seek marriage/relationship counselling. Support our Podcast : https://www.buzzsprout.com/ 1813802/supporters/new
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We are social beings and thrive on togetherness, however, in everyday life we may encouter diverse individuals with complex backgrounds, personalities and behaviours. Just as we may have been through a lot in our life, they too may have been through various psychosocial challenges, and just as we may have been wounded, they may also be having scars.
Therefore, we are bound to get triggered in relating with others, and we may not always agree on issues or we may be lacking in communication skills. The other person may equally be limited and not be the best of communicators and rub you the wrong way (often unintentionally). It is common when we face unpleasant situations to feel disheartened, provoked, ashamed, frustrated, defensive, angry or irritable etc.
Mindful communication enables us to become more flexible in the way we respond to situations. So, next time you encounter an unpleasant situation that may trigger you use S P P & R = Stop, Pause, Process & Respond:
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Stop!
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Pause: pausing gives you an opportunity to soften, calm yourself down, and expand your awareness deeper into your body (E.Goldstein). It helps you not to run into conclusions; you can't read minds, so avoid pre-determining what you think the other person is intending to say, rather, notice when you are tempted to interrupt the other person or your tendencies to get into a shouting competition in efforts to put your point across.
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Process: take a deep breath, observe and notice what’s going on, notice your bodily sensations, identify the emotion you are feeling, acknowledge the emotion, where are you feeling it? ask yourself: Did i hear that right? Could i have misunderstood what i thought i heard or saw? Could I seek more clarity for the person to repeat themselves? (often we hear what we want to hear, and perceive things as we are, not as they are; perceptions tend to impair judgement and rational thinking; influences our cognition, emotions and behaviours).
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Respond: ask yourself; "do i need to respond? does it have to be now? Is it crucial for me to respond right now? Is it even worth responding at all?, what does my response have to be like? will it build us? Does it bring a solution? What's the worst that could happen if I do not respond now? whats the worst that could happen if I REACT instead of responding?, will it escalate instead of de-escalating the situation/tension which may lead to unecessary conflict?, Will it matter days from now?
Thank you for listening, continue to respond differently!
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"Everyday is a New Beginning "
Encountering challenges is part of life, however, how you respond to the situation makes a great difference and your coping strategies matter. You are human, so ofcourse you are going to be worried, stressed, frustrated and sometimes even depressed. However, ruminating is an unhealthy way of trying to solve the problem in your head, and the bottom line is that; it does not reduce the anxiety but rather increases it, leading to you being worried about being worried and resulting in a cycle of worry.
You may choose responding as opposed to reacting to the situation. Often being reactive worsens the anxiety, whereas processing, analysing the situation and taking time to respond may yield positive outcomes.
If you are one of those individuals who get overwhelmed by life challenges, and feel stuck, learn to practice breathing and relaxation techniques to prevent ending up with psychosomatic ailments (headaches, backaches, stomach problems,loss of appetite,sleeplessness, high blood pressure and lathergy, etc)
Therefore, you may find this relaxation audio exercise tip helpful to you.
Take a listen as you Keep Breathing!
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#Stressed, #Anxiety,
#Depressed, #Coping Strategies
Life has various challenges thrown at us each day of our existence, our resilience and coping skills when we encounter psychosocial challenges are often challenged, and as a result we do not always use effective techniques to cope, and hence we find ourselves anxious, depressed and /or higly stressed.
Often clients coming to therapy find incorporation of relaxation a waste of their time or a Western-based technique or they say something like; " I have no time in my hectic schedule to sit, relax and do nothing, I must work to make money"
Or,
"How is relaxing going to make my marriage work better or my debts to go away?".
The truth is that when you are not overwhelmed by stress, when your body is relaxed your mind works better, and you should be able to come up with well thought out solutions to adress your challenge compared to when under a lot of stress.
Remember; stress impacts your cognitions and rational problem solving ability, may trigger irritability, anger, depression, anxiety and more confusion which may lead to conflicts in your relationships. Stress may deplete your mental wellbeing, and severe stress may surpress your immune system and trigger psychosomatic ailments, with compromised immune system your body may not be able to fight off certain ailments.
There are however, well researched evidence based techniques that could be incorporated into your daily routine to buffer the negative effects of stress.
In this audio I talk about the benefits of practising relaxation, it's positive effects in reducting anxiety, depression and helping you to cope during stressful and frustrating situations (Dr Elisha Goldstein,PhD).
Research shows that relaxation has the potential to even decrease heart rate, lower blood pressure, improve sleep and counteract inflammatory effects of stress as it improves your general mental wellness. As Goldstein asserts;
"When we relax the body, the mind tends to follow".
Make relaxation part of your mental health, self-care routine and you'll have yourself to thank for that.
Take a Listen and Have a relaxing day !
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"Everyday is a New Beginning "
The Grief & loss process is complex and it's a personalised experience. There are various dynamics to it and different factors that influence how we each grief our loss.
There are multiple types of grief and loss, but in this episode our focus is on how we grief the death of our loved ones.
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What is a talent Plus Individual.
A talent plus person is a person who possesses a talent but is aware that his/her talent alone is not enough, therefore such a person does not only rely on the talent/gift, but incorporates other critical competencies or attributes into their pursuit of success. I have seen people with great talent who miss the point by allowing pride & fame to influence their judgement, relationships etc and allow it to escalate into arrogance because of their fame status, and end up losing it all or tarnishing their image.
A talent plus individual is well rounded; is aware that regardless of the talent, fame & success they still need other people and the Creator. Such a person enhances themselves with competencies like determination, commitment, perseverance, vision, mission, passion, faith in Self, communication, emotional intelligence, assertiveness, initiative/innovation, etc in order to succeed or survive in life.
There are certain things that despite our talent, if they are missing we’ll come crushing down e.g emotional self-regulation/ emotional management, financial management and people skills among others. Talent+ person is self-explanatory; in a nutshell, it refers to an individual who has talent and other skills that helps to energize the talent in order to achieve goals.
Above all is self-awareness and awareness of others ( Emotional Intelligence competencies) because success is built through people and with people and therefore self-awareness is critical.
Rhetorically consider these questions and introspect:
Who are You?
How do you relate with other people?
How do you communicate with people?
Do you have the awareness that other people regardless of status have feelings too?
The way you treat people, if you received similar treatment how will that be like for you?
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Unemployment has become a global challenge to governments the world over; both in the first world and in developing countries. Before COVID-19 hit the world, in Botswana young people were trying to be innovative in creating employment for themselves. The government of Botswana even had financial assistance programmes to support the youth through initiatives such as Youth Development Fund - YDF (Botshelo, T. 2018).
The impact of COVID-19 cannot be under emphasized: the world stood still, the corporate world saw lock-downs, restricted movements, social-distancing, face-masking and the need for employees to work from homes with efforts to reduce the spread. “Big Tech” saw an increase in the mode of communication between employees, supervisors and customers (Wyllie, T.2020). Unfortunately those who didn’t have the ability to embrace E-business/virtual business and E-leadership strategies sadly saw their businesses collapse and small enterprises were the hardest hit.
Entrepreneurship is the process of starting a business or company and taking financial risks to achieve economic success by making profit out of what one has invested in to the business. Wikipedia defines Entrepreneurship as the act and art of being an entrepreneur or one who undertakes innovations and introduces new things or it can be viewed as finance and business acumen in an effort to transform innovations into economic goods . In a nutshell if you are self-employed & producing goods, you ventured into entrepreneurship.
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It’s essential to explore the concept of ethics, assess where we stand, increase our level of ethical awareness, assess how organizational ethics aligns with our personal ethics and vice-versa in order to proactively address job dissatisfaction & stress. Where there is disconnection or lack of alignment between our personal values/ethics and the Organizational ethics & values there is a tendency to face constant ethical dilemmas and internal & external conflict hence this discussion today.
Could Ethics have originated from the biblical 10 commandments?: Thou Shall Not Kill, Thou Shall Not Steal, thou Shall Not Commit Adultery, Thou Shall Not Lie, And Thou Shall Not Covet. What do you think? Ethics can be defined as: The science of moral norms and laws; the ability to differentiate between what is good and what is bad, the ability to distinguish between right and wrong; to do the good or right thing. Ethics are linked to values; we have values & Organizations also have values. We have personal ethics & principles which are tied to our values and priorities (what’s important to us).
Can something seem to be right but yet unethical? In business what types of behaviours can be seen as wrong & unethical , Are workplace relationships ethical/right?; e.g can a director/supervisor date an employee or junior? Why not?
Is it ethical and right to knowingly buy stolen goods/ back door stuff?
What about bribes/corruption; your thoughts?
Organizational ethics are the basic knowledge and ability to differentiate between right and wrong in the world of work and business. Organizational ethics act as a moral compass to leaders, managers and employees to act ethically in a complex situations and choose what is the right .
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Talent is that inborn skill that you possess which you can perform excellently, over and over without even trying hard. It’s the ability to perform a certain task so well that you could even do it in your sleep or with your eyes closed. Longman dictionary defines talent as “a special natural ability or skill”. Irving Berlin says “talent is only a starting point in business. You have got to keep working that talent” (Botshelo,2014). Each one of us has that certain skill which we always perform without difficulty, some people don’t even know they have it until other people start noticing it and keep on telling them how good they are at such and such a thing.
Passion is a driving force which energizes your talent; it’s the internal burning desire that makes you want to get up and do something you care about, or achieve that which you are passionate about. Passion can transform you from an average to an excellent performer. It takes more than talent to create success; it takes passion. When you have passion and commitment you don’t need a complex plan, even with a simple plan you can achieve great things. Passion is more important than a plan. Having a brilliant plan is pointless if you do not have passion, because without passion you will not even carry out the plan and it will just remain a good & beautiful plan on paper. Passion creates fire, energy, a drive; it provides fuel for you to implement your plan and fulfill your vision. It gives you the oomph to become what you desire to be. Talent without passion is pointless.
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Grief is also often referred to as bereavement. It is a natural response to loss. It’s the emotional pain we feel when we lose something or someone. Death of our loved ones is often the cause of the most intense type of grief.
However any loss can cause grief e.g: when going through divorce or relationship breakup you grief the loss of marriage/relationship, loss of health, loss of a job, Loss of financial stability, miscarriage/baby.
Retirement also has some emotional process as you grief the loss of your status/title/image/job and all these come with labels that people tend to use which equally remind us of the stressful situation/pain we find ourselves in e.g being called: a widower/divorcee/pensioner or Ex-wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend/fiancée etc
We experience grief even when we lose our favourite a pet/assets, loss of a cherished dream/vision, Loss of a friendship, Loss of safety after a trauma etc. the more tragic the death, and significant the relationship the more intense the grief and the loss becomes.
Grief is a process, its not something you get over; but rather, something you go through, as such the only cure to grief is to grief and only with time will the pain ease. When ready to talk about it find someone who could just be there for you and just listen. often people experiencing grief just need someone to listen, not advice.
It is also common for those around you not to know what to say or how to act, but no amount of "i am sorry" can take the pain away. Certain statements are to be avoided as well, such as:
"gotla siama" ( Amme, how do you know that for sure? when? have you been in the same situation?)
"I know how you feel" (do you really? did it happen to you?)
"its not the end of the world" (maybe the person they lost was the world to them)
"Ke go rata ga Modimo" .... (Really?, how did you reach that conclusion?)
As well as giving false hope. Just being in the presence and listening is enough unless the person asks for advice don't volunteer to offer one.
#Remember : We each grief differently
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Since conflict is inevitable, it’s important to have strategies that could help us to positively manage it or cope. We can successfully go through conflict without allowing it to destroy us, our families, communities, organizations or our nation.
There are different conflict management styles people ofte use to resolve conflict . Some styles may lead to positive outcomes, whilst others could exacerbate the conflict; therefore it’s important to have an awareness of the conflict management styles you tend to use more often and if there are helping or making things worse.
There are 5 Conflict Management Styles (acronym = AACCC)
Avoiding: The person withdraws from the issue of conflict, mind their own business and pretend they don’t care or are not affected, pretend the issue doesn’t bother them, there is no engagement at all or any form of discussion. Avoidance is used and therefore it leads to: Lose-lose situation, No resolution is reached, poor relationships, needs/desires not being met, therefore Conflict may continue because people avoid/fear talking about it.
Accommodating: Others’ needs, desires are accommodated, neglecting own needs, please others, submissive, obedient in an unhealthy way because one gives in to unreasonable demands. End Result : Lose-win situation; I lose, you win scenario, the idea is to not even try to compete; argue or convince you as I will always end up hurt, often manipulation is used.
Competing: doing whatever it takes to win, defend our positions, take advantage of any loopholes. End Result: Win-lose situation; I win you lose at all costs, one can even change the rules in efforts to win, to destroy the opponent, embarrass, intimidate, fabricate e.g its common in bitter divorces cases/politics etc. The idea is to take advantage of your submissiveness & accommodating tendencies, lack of confidence & lack of resources to stand for yourself; it may intensify the existing conflict further.
Compromising: Willing to reciprocate, give up something to gain something, there is engagement, dialogue, both sides end up either pleased or not pleased, concessions are made. End Result: poor form of a Win-win situation, making concessions, we both lose something to gain something, we neither fully satisfied but at least we each don’t completely lose out; we end up with ownership of the outcome rather than situation favouring only one person. No one obtains what they originally wanted but a compromise is reached (common in divorce settlements right?).
Collaborating: Everybody’s needs and wants are fully met in this style, addressing conflict is a team effort and yet also addresses individuals’ issues of concern as a part of a whole, because when one department/unit/individual is hurting it affects the whole organization. Uses problem solving and peaceful negotiations, “Not my way, Not your way but OUR way” therefore leads to: Win-win situation; I win you win; WE WIN., we combine our efforts, our ideas and inputs for the good of the family, organization or our nation. This is the ideal style to use.
In conclusion: # Always identify what triggers the conflict. # If you can’t address it engage someone neutral to help look at the situation objectively from the outside.
Use existing psychosocial support structures e.g Botsadi, Molaodi, BNYC youth centres and if it persists seek counselling; call YOCA+ at 17270 for a toll free 24hr telephone counselling
Or contact those in private practice such as : New Beginnings Counselling Center Botswana www.newbeginningsbw.com
Tel : 3116488
New Perspectives : Tel 3184344
Aspire:Tel 3117384/89
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There are multplie factors that can influence our listening 🎶👂🎧 in communication with others. communication involves speaking, listening , through various modes of communication such as:
verbal communication
electronic/audio/Video
written
But most importantly LISTENING 🎶
Are you a good listener?
What type of words just give you red flags and makes you loose interest in listening to someone ( whether at work, in seminars, in your family or between you and your partner)?
Is it the way the person is dressed?
Is it the way they talk ( very slowly)?
Is it the topic they are presenting on ?
Is it physical or psychological dstractions in the environment?
Do you willingly drift away?
Is it that you feel the topic presented is too deep for you?
Is culture influencing your ability to listen, are there certain things you consider to be a taboo an not to be discussed ?
Is it your perceptions of other people or of certain topics?
Or is it that you just don't like the person who is speaking so you loose interest in the content presented?
The examples we give here may or may not be relevant to your situation, you may not be able to relate to them, but you may have your own issues that normally interfere with your ability to listen and many a times ANGER prevent us from listening.
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In our different workplaces we have those occupying positions above our own, some call them bosses, others call them leaders. But not everyone in a managerial position is a leader. There are certain attributes synonymous with leadership which many who are organizational directors or managers may not posses; but got promoted to portfolios of responsibility e.g being a director, CEO etc on the basis of the many years of experience working for an organization, or because someone established the organization themselves and despite not having the relevant leadership competencies find themselves having to run their organization.
Some of the issues discussed herein are meant for individuals to reflect on and assess if one is in fact working for /or under someone who has behaviours of an office bully or may notice that they themselves do in fact have the attributes and/or depict the same behaviours to their subordinate or even other colleagues of the same rank /level as yourself and therefore you could actually be an office bully; especially if more than 3 of the characteristics discussed here fits you r behaviour towards those you work with.
Are you being bullied at work by your employer?, supervisor or other colleagues?
What strategies can you deploy to address office bullying?
Are you assertive enough to speak up against office bullying without trampling on others rights,principles and views?
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1.0 Introduction
Our conflict resolution strategies tend to be influenced by our attachment styles. Children watch the way adults work through disagreements and model those patterns of behaviour as they grow up and that influences their perception about conflict and ways of resolving it. Often people use the same strategies or try hard to do the opposite of what they grew up being exposed to.
Attachment simply refers to “lasting psychological connectedness between humans” (Bowlby, 1991; Cherry, 2019).
Scenario: “When the two of you argue, how do you react/act/ resolve the issue?”
Her: “I think we argue healthily most of the time. But, often when we both feel attacked by the other, we have opposite reactions; I need to keep talking through it to get to a conclusion.”
Him: “And I just need to go and be alone.”
The bonds that children have with their caregivers influences the way in which they later address conflict. People who had secure attachments with their parents and/or caregivers are often able to work through conflict with other people and resolve it in respectful, affectionate, and loving manner. But for Children who grew up witnessing dysfunctional conflict resolution strategies, having a secure attachment with others becomes a challenge as they try to avoid making the same mistakes as their parents.
2.0 What are attachment styles?
According to Bowlby’s Attachment Style Theory (1991), there are three attachments styles based on our attachment to our primary care givers/mum:
1. Secure,
2. Anxious-Resistant, and
3. Avoidant
Recognizing pattern: It’s important to be aware of our attachment style pattern and change our behaviour from reacting to acting intentionally.
Understanding our attachment style and other people’s pattern, especially our significant others can bring insight into how we engage and resolve conflict in ways that would not harm our relationships /families and/or organizations.
Primary Attachment Figure (PAF) :
At infancy, we learn certain behaviours that vary based on our perceived closeness of our primary attachment figure (PAF); in most cases, the PAF is the mum or milk/food- feeding individual. If the baby perceives the primary attachment figure (PAF) as close by, they feel relaxed, loved, and secure. However, if the baby perceives the PAF as absent or not close by; they will become anxious and use behaviour tantrums to encourage proximity (crying, screaming, reaching out, holding on or clinging on etc.) Then, depending on the type of response they receive from their PAF, they may fall into one or a mixture of three attachment style: secure, anxious-resistant, and avoidant.
According to attachment theory, how babies responded when PAF left and returned to them determined their attachment style; Adults often keep the attachment style pattern they adopted as babies.
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Let’s start this session by briefly highlighting the characteristics of an assertive person.
An assertive person:
1.Relates meaningfully with other people
2.Has a sense of worth and believes in his/her right to enjoy life whilst according the same to the next person.
3.Freely, firmly & empathetically express themselves without trampling on others & therefore does not harbour resentment, bitterness, desire to revenge or gossip.
4.Respects his/her own personal space, is also mindful of the fact that the same is necessary for other people.
- Aims for a win-win situation in relations with others whether at work/business, home and other walks of life.
BENEFITS OF BEING ASSERTIVE
Helps you to GROW as a person because of self-understanding and self-acceptance you have the ability to set own goals and be able to pursue them.
You do not have to explain yourself to people all the time.
Helps others to understand who you really are kagore ga o iphitlhe ka monwana: nyaa ke nyaa, ee ke ee (No is no and your yes is yes yo o sa patlelediweng).
You don’t hide your feelings for the sake of people to make them feel better; mme wena oswa senku moteng “don’t make yourself small so others could feel more comfortable”.
Being assertive removes stereotypes, assumptions and confusion (what people see/hear is what they get, no hidden agendas, ga o noga ya ntlha-pedi (Saying Yes/No).
It helps you to appreciate yourself Responsibility for your actions ; Ability to resist peer pressure
Do these apply to you?
Do you see yourself anywhere in these ?
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How we represent ourselves silently talk’s volumes. We maybe talented, intelligent and capable, but our image may get in our way of being recognised or being part of an organization we wish you could be working for or be associated with.
Image is everything. You can be dismissed and overlooked just because of image despite your inner greatness. Have the consciousness and mindfulness of who you are and what you represent.
Personal Image In Business image is everything Body image forms part of personal image, it’s important to have the right look that represents who and what you stand for as a business owner. Body image is part of the non-verbal communication.
You can communicate volumes through your body image without even uttering a word; either in a positive or negative way that may improve or harm your chances and your opportunities.
Remember that when you look good you feel good even though some people say when they feel good then they look good. Looking good has a way of boosting one’s confidence. In being successful, image is everything. You ought to have the right image for people to take you seriously. Have the right look that says you know what you are about, you know your area and you can offer. Cultivate the image or look that shows that you understand yourself and you mean business, prepare well and empower yourself to know more. Do research because having the look without having the content of your field can work against you; “you become an empty shell” – I have heard people say “He/She looks the part but he/she ain’t it”
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1.0 Communication is a transaction, we exchange ideas and emotions. How we were brought up may have influenced our transactional style and usually shows up during conflict and affects how we tend to resolve conflicts in our relationships. There are three ego states people often function from:
Parent ego state
child ego state
adult ego state
Take a listen 🎶 and figure out which style you tend to operate from the most.
Transactional Analysis (TA) is a personality theory which helps us to better understand personalities and behaviours, in a nutshell it enables us to understand who we are, how we communicate, what may have shaped us to be that way and understand the people we live and work with; their personalities and behaviours, we actually get to understand the psychological make-up of people.
Through TA re lebelela: Maikutlo, Boitsholo, Ditiro, Mekgwa,go bua (Attitudes, feelings & behaviour), understanding this helps us to be aware of our communication & whether or not we are assertive. TA e re thusa go tlhaloganya batho botoka.
The first five years of our lives are critical: what we experience and observe as children forms our belief systems.
When shouted at and scolded as a child how did you react? Did you cry or shout back?
Now today as an adult when things don’t go your way do you find yourself shouting back or crying/sulking?
2.0 Communication and Transactional Analysis :
Transaction is not only common in finances, communication involves an exchange, engagement between people; it’s a give and take which requires skills. We communicate in different states;
EGO STATES. Eric Berne (1961, 1968, 1971) talks of transactional analysis and many other authors.
How do you transact (rhetoric questions) O abelana jang megopolo, o hetolana/buisana jang le ba bangwe?
Do you take time to pause, reflect & analyse your communication?
Do you take time to think before you utter a word?.
2.1 As alluded to earlier, there are three (3) Ego states we find ourselves communicating in:
Child Ego – from remnants of the past
Parent Ego – Play out of old feelings/emotions which were imbibed in childhood (first 5 years)
Adult Ego – based on reality & assessment of current situation that unfolds
which style do you tend to use more, especially when you are upset?
Do you shout at people, your partner etc?
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Anger is a normal natural emotion and serves a purpose when appropriately used e.g in a fight or flight/flee mode of response to danger. But its often how it is inappropriately used towards others in a destructive way and in the behaviour that is portrayed when people are angry which often is viewed as wrong.
Even then, it's the actions taken when angry that maybe wrong, not the anger itself.
Anger is mostly a secondary emotion, e.g we become angry when we are having a primary emotion such as rejection, fear, shame, anxiety or sadness.
Its important to have an awareness of how you behave and how you treat others when you are angry. Usually it's our perceptions of an event/incident that influences our emotions. Our thoughts influence our perception , our perceptions influence our emotions and eventually our behaviour:
" As a man thinketh in his heart so is he".
Nobody has power over your emotions and thoughts and behaviour except yourself.
Nobody makes you angry, Your thoughts cause your anger not the other person.
But is your anger helping you?
How has it worked out for you so far?
Remember : Listening to the other person to get their perspective may help reduce and prevent unnecessary feelings of anger.
Moreover, becoming angry over things you have no control over, is a waste of energy and time. Let's use appropriate anger management strategies to address anger.
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There are different behaviour patterns people function from in dealing with other people. Our behaviours may fall into the PAA ( Passive, Aggressive or Assertive ) patterns.
It's important to be aware of the traits of each and try to be more skewed to being Assertive than being Aggressive or Passive. An Assertive person has awareness of self and awareness of others and therefore treat others in a non hurtful ways. Assertive people are aware of their emotions and emotions of others, but Aggressiveness present itself in a more self-centerednes with very little care about the feelings of other people, whilst passiveness predisposes people to being abused as one does not effectively stand for their needs, wants or rights and have limited emotional self expression as they function more from submissiveness/ passiveness and hence they do not effectively express their emotions. Passive people tend to allow people to walk all over them, this can be unhealthy as they internally build resentment, harbour unexpressed anger and bitterness etc.
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There are 4 different social styles of interaction. People often operate from different styles in their way of thinking, communication and behaviour . These could be from Drivers, Analysts, Exppressives or Supporters/Amiable. The characteristics of each of these differ and can influence how people perceive us and experience us, and hence not being aware of our own styles and styles of those we live and work with can create conflict. Being aware of the pattern that you tend to use is important. The idea is to try to be balanced. Its essential to be mindful and /or aware of the styles you tend to prodominantly use. None of these is bad on its own, jus striking a balance is crucial.
We talk here of patterns of behaviour, we are not labelling people or stigmatising anyone.
We hope this information will help in facilitating introspection and creating an awareness rather than use it to try and diagnose and label other people.
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Communication skills are critical in conveying information. How we communicate with others can enhance or damage our relationships at work, in our homes , wider communities, in our nation and in various areas of our life. Listening and assertiveness are part of communication .
It's essential to have an awareness of how we communicate, are we conveying the right message? is it packaged effectively? , how will it be received? Are we empathetic in our communication or is our message intentionally meant to hurt, provoke and cause conflict?,
if the same thing were to be said to us will we be okay with it. "Do unto others as you will have them do unto you".
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Our different personality traits influence our interactions with others. Expressives are more vocal whilst supporters are more on the submissive side and more concerned about not hurting other people.
Where do you think you fall?
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"Ae shapa Lerapo, a e shapa", but then at the end he gets down to bussiness as together with myself Tshidi M Wyllie we discuss the fact that there are different ways to listening e g active listening and passive listening and there are different types of interning:
Let’s take the word listen as an acronym to represent the types of listening:
L = Leisure listening, typical coffee-shop conversations; friends hanging out & enjoying each other’s company just talking about anything & nothing e.g Soccer score (friends & families).
I = Information listening, attend to facts, figures e.g, money talk, taxes, exchange rates, investment growth, farming, COVID statistics etc (learners, accountants, the public etc)
S = Stylistic listening, where one attends to the setting not the words (deco & design)
T = Technical listening e.g within your field of expertise (doctors, technicians etc)
E = Empathic/empathetic listening, as if you are in the speaker’s shoes, relating to one’s situation (counsellors)
N = Not listening, ignoring or pretending.
Similarly, there are different factors that influence our ability to listen effectively. We shall discuss them next week @DUMA FM , "MORE TALK. MORE MUSIC"
Stay safe, stay blessed. God is faithful.
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It's essential to have awareness of people of different social styles and personalities in our day to day interactions. In this clips we are discussing the dos and don't of behavioural engagement with : drivers, Analyst, Amiable/supporters and Expressives.
Most of conflicts emanates from lack of awareness and tolerance of our differences.
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Are you battling with anger issues?
what are your anger triggers?
what strategies do you use to cope?
Are there better ways of expressing your anger without being violent?
Are you in a toxic relationship where anger rules ?
Does shouting and breaking things change anything?
underneath that anger what are the true emotions; rejection?, fear? Jealousy?
Are you going through a stressful situation right now that might be contributing to the anger?
Do you find yourself using drugs alcohol, drugs and tobacco to cope right now?
If you need counselling call :
YOCA+ at 17270 from 6AM to 11PM Monday to Friday to speak to a professional counsellor,
It's toll free.
You can call from any
Mascom, be-mobile or btc lines
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Gender-based violence or Intimate Partner violence is real and has become a global challenge. This phenomenon could be triggered by various issues and has potential to lead to anger and destruction of families.
There are various anger triggers that people experience in every day life. Having an
awareness of anger triggers in our lives is essential and the first step towards anger management.
During this unusual times of unprecedented occurrences especially COVID-19 which adversely impacted on mental health, world economies, families and relationships psychosocial support has been equally overwhelmed in its efforts to provide the necessary support. This resulted in having to rely on ICT to offer psycho-education and psychosocial support hence these podcasts.
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Anger is a normal natural emotion. It's how we express the anger that may have negative impact to our lives , our mental wellbeing and to the lives of others.
There are destructive and constructive ways of managing anger. Suppressing anger can be detrimental to your health.
If struggling with anger issues seek counselling.
As a young person in BW 🇧🇼 you can call 17270 from Monday to Friday, 6AM to 11PM to speak to a professional counsellor. Its toll free.
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