MORE:Ask For What You Want: Recent Episodes
Tracy Crossley
As a woman, you have big dreams in this life: goals you want to achieve, places you want to go, connections you want to make, people you want to love. But instead of fully realizing your potential, something holds you back. You wait for permission.
In this podcast, we will explore how and why we, as women, dim our light and settle for less because of self-doubt or what others might think. Isn’t it time to get off the floor and blast through the ceiling—both personally and professionally? You CAN change your relationship with money, attention, time, love, success, etc. so you ask for more with confidence. You just need a new set of tools to create the life you want from a strong, empowered place. Because yes, you do deserve it.
Ever wonder why women with impressive careers still fantasize about being rescued? Even successful female executives sometimes harbor this secret hope that someone else will handle the heavy lifting of financial security.
Tracy interviews Jessie Gabriel, founder of All Places and champion for women's capital ownership. Jessie is a corporate lawyer turned advocate who's on a mission to change how financial power is distributed.
It's not about capability. It's about the stories we tell ourselves about money, power, and who gets to control both.
Stop waiting for someone else to build the financial world you want to see. Every dollar you spend is a vote. Every investment decision is a choice about whose vision gets funded.
In this episode, Tracy explores:
- Why less than 1% of $100 trillion is controlled by women
- How financial insecurity creates adult money shame
- The hidden patterns behind "proving you're not poor"
- Why every purchase is a power move
- How systemic exclusion perpetuates inequality
"Don't think I'm poor. Don't think I'm poor. That's what was driving my behavior—even when I was making more money than my parents ever had." ~ Jessie Gabriel
Imagine easily unlocking new levels of confidence to embody the essence of who you are. Feeling gorgeous in your own skin could open doors to greater fulfillment and impact!
Tracy chats with personal stylist and image consultant Keri Blair. With over 20 years experience styling high-profile executives and clients, Keri shares her journey from sales to fashion, highlighting how personal style impacts confidence and success.
- Identify the 3-5 key adjectives that capture your authentic personal brand
- Curate a wardrobe that radiates those qualities through your presence
- Leverage the first impression to attract what you want
- Boost energy for relationships, and goals!
"When you look in the mirror and you know you look beautiful that day, you're going to nail it. And if you look in the mirror and you go, oh, okay, well, this is all I got today, you're not going to nail it." ~ Keri Blair
Do you find yourself apologizing for what you don't know rather than confidently showcasing what you do? Tracy sits down with Jodie Kelley, CEO of the Electronic Transactions Association, who brings over 25 years of experience navigating leadership roles in male-dominated industries.
As women, we're often conditioned to focus on the boxes we don't tick instead of the ones we do. This unconscious pattern creates invisible barriers that hold us back more effectively than any glass ceiling.
In this revealing conversation, Jodie shares how her non-linear career path led to unexpected success and the crucial mindset shifts that separate those who break through from those who stay stuck. Her story proves that following what brings you joy can lead to more fulfillment than following a prescribed path.
In this episode, Tracy explores:* Why women apologize when men would simply showcase confidence * How following your passion creates more authentic career success * The unconscious biases affecting how female leaders are perceived * Why being "relentlessly confident" is essential for women leaders * How internal self-belief trumps external reception
"If you are doing your homework, really throwing yourself into your job in a positive way and delivering, that matters. And if you bring with it that confidence in yourself, there is definitely a path. It's not that there is no glass ceiling, but there is a way to get to where you want to be." ~ Jodie Kelley
Do you feel safe in a system that wasn't designed for you? When women are an afterthought in political structures, what does that mean for your rights today?
As Tracy digs into the history of women in American politics, she uncovers uncomfortable truths about how women have been systematically excluded from foundational documents and political parties. Comfort in this system is an illusion—one that could evaporate faster than you think.
In this episode, Tracy explores:
- Women as property for thousands of years and our absence from the Constitution
- Pioneering female politicians who fought against exclusion
- Why women's rights remain vulnerable without Constitutional protection
- Current threats to female representation and voting rights
- How women leaders can increase political participation
"Wherever you're not speaking out, you feel protected. Wherever you feel that if you take a step in a different direction, that's too scary, that's where you feel protected. But you're not really protected. You aren't because you're not in the Constitution." ~ Tracy Crossley
Join us, as Tracy speaks with Heather Box, co-founder of the Million Person Project, about the art of storytelling as an act of love, realness, and courage. Together, learn about Heather as a leader and what made her decide to start her project. She also explains why knowing your narrative makes you powerful.
What You’ll Learn:
- The importance of knowing your narrative
- Heather's professional journey–you can do what you love!
- She also provides what crafting a narrative can do for you.
"Your story is not about what happened to you or about what you did. It's about who you've chosen to be given that." ~ Heather Box
Women have been fighting for equality for centuries—so why are we still battling for basic rights? In this episode, Tracy dives into the hard truth about systemic patriarchy, the barriers that keep women from true equity, and why the fight is far from over. From the Seneca Falls Convention to today’s stalled Equal Rights Amendment, we break down what’s really standing in the way of progress.
The system thrives on division, but real change happens when we come together. If you’re tired of playing by the old rules, this conversation will challenge you to rethink power, privilege, and what it takes to create lasting change.
Key Takeaways:
- Why the system is designed to keep women in a fight they shouldn't have to wage
- The overlooked history of women’s rights and what’s still at stake
- How pay gaps, representation, and autonomy are deliberately controlled
- Why unity—not division—is the key to shifting the system
- The actions you can take to push for real change
"The fight for equality was never about asking for permission—it’s about taking back what should have never been denied." ~ Tracy Crossley
What keeps us divided? In this deeply personal episode, Tracy reflects on her childhood, systemic inequality, and the invisible forces that pit us against one another. From racism and privilege to patriarchy’s grip on society, she explores how these systems create division and how true leadership means confronting them head-on.
This isn’t about blame—it’s about understanding. What happens when we stop accepting the status quo and start questioning the narratives we’ve been taught? Tracy unpacks the ways power structures are designed to keep us separate and the courage it takes to dismantle them.
What You’ll Learn:* How patriarchy thrives on division and hierarchy * The connection between privilege, racism, and gender inequality * Why unity is the biggest threat to oppressive systems * How personal empowerment leads to collective change
“Prejudice doesn’t come from confidence—it comes from insecurity. People who feel whole don’t need to diminish others.” — Tracy Crossley
Patriarchy gets tossed around a lot.
The system was made by men for men who wanted to hold onto their possessions.
It has been this way for thousands of years. We’ve been conditioned to believe success means fitting into a structure that wasn’t made for women.
If it actually worked, why are so many people burned out, stressed, and still fighting for a seat at the table? In this episode of Earned Wisdom, Tracy Crossley breaks down how the patriarchal system keeps women stuck and how to change it.
It’s not about fighting harder—it’s about seeing the game for what it is and choosing a different way. You don’t need permission to redefine success, leadership, or power. You just need to stop believing in a system that will never work for you.
What You’ll Learn:
- Does anyone really benefit from the system?
- Patriarchal structures fuel burnout, competition, and emotional suppression
- Women are the way forward applying new meaning to success and leadership
- Your power to create a movement for yourself and generations to come.
"The system doesn’t hold you back—believing in it does." ~ Tracy Crossley
Women make up more than half the population, yet we’re still not in the U.S. Constitution, and power remains out of reach for many. In this episode, Tracy Crossley and Leisa Peterson, a financial expert, author, and advocate for economic empowerment, expose the hidden forces keeping women from true equality—systemic barriers, cultural conditioning, and the illusion of progress.
This isn’t about blame; it’s about action. If we want real change, we have to see the system for what it is and decide what we’re going to do about it.
Key Takeaways:
- Why women still don’t have full constitutional rights
- How internalized patriarchy keeps women competing, not uniting
- The real reason power remains male-dominated
- What it takes to drive real, lasting change
“Unless we keep speaking up, keep showing up, and keep doing things that actually make a difference, nothing will change." Tracy Crossley
What happens when unchecked power is handed to a select few without oversight? In this special episode, Tracy Crossley and Leisa Peterson, financial expert and founder of WealthClinic, expose how billionaires are gaining unprecedented control over financial systems and personal data—without public consent.
The question isn’t left or right—it’s about power, secrecy, and who really benefits.
Tracy and Leisa break down the hidden risks of billionaires “fixing” the system. It’s time to stop waiting for a savior and start asking the hard questions.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
- How billionaires are quietly reshaping finance, privacy, and government.
- Why trusting the ultra-rich to “fix the system” is a dangerous illusion.
- The deeper impact of financial control on social programs and daily life.
- How to reclaim awareness and stop handing over your power.
"The highest form of ignorance is rejecting what you don’t know." – Tracy Crossley
It’s what you know. It’s a system that may take you years to see how it is set up for a small group. You, me and every other woman no matter the race, religion or creed doesn’t operate at the top of the system no matter how fantastic of a leader you happen to be.
I know if you are listening, you are not a victim to the system, because being a victim means helpless to change. That’s not what we are going for, understanding how it currently hobbles along doesn’t work for many.
Today, I am sharing from a historical and present day perspective. From wealth disparities to the “in your face” societal norms, nod your head along to how it perpetuates inequality and has us feeling guilty or ashamed while trying to chase down the feeling of success.
It isn’t about blame—it’s about clarity. You’ll gain insight into the unseen forces shaping your beliefs, relationships, and self-worth to change the balance of power.
Key Takeaways:
- How the patriarchal system is a cycle.
- If it works so well, why the fear, inequality, and mental health struggles?
- Who are the societal metrics of success for?
- Chip away the generational bias on wealth, politics, and education..
"The highest form of ignorance is rejecting what you don’t know."
~ Tracy Crossley
You may not realize you were born into a system. One that doesn’t look at you as an individual. Taught from a young age values that may not work for you. Join me as we talk about the pressures of a mother in a patriarchal society, how does she lead or is she only a follower? Many get a mixed message leaving them overwhelmed and disconnected.
The expectations placed on women erode personal identity, create loneliness, and a cycle of helplessness (even if you cannot see it)—women are leaders, it’s time to reclaim your power, set boundaries, and redefine what it means to thrive in motherhood and beyond.
Key Insights from this Episode:
- The unrealistic expectations and approval-seeking behaviors mothers face.
- How patriarchal norms lead to a loss of identity and isolation.
- The invisible rules that dictate behavior and breaking free from them.
- Learn to trust yourself, build genuine connections, and prioritize self-care.
Take the first step toward rewriting your story and embracing your authentic self. Listen now!
"Where are you giving your power away? Stop doing it, but don’t stop it and blame others—instead, recognize you haven’t been taking care of yourself and start respecting your own space." ~ Tracy Crossley
Are you an accomplished female leader who feels like you're constantly swimming against the tide? You're not alone. In this episode, we're peeling back the layers of societal conditioning that have shaped our experiences as women in a patriarchal world.
Feel like you're constantly swimming against the tide? Always trying to keep your head above water? You might be really good at it, you're not alone. Let’s talk about peeling back the layers of societal conditioning that have shaped our experiences as women in a patriarchal world.
I'm tackling the often-overlooked impact of patriarchy on females raised in this system. Especially those of us who lead.
It's time to shine a light on the unconscious indoctrination that's been passed down through generations, affecting how we view ourselves and our capabilities.
Unraveling the Patriarchal Tapestry
- The subtle (and not-so-subtle) ways girls are taught to prioritize men's needs
- How societal expectations shape our self-esteem and decision-making
- The lingering effects of historical gender roles on modern women
- The challenges of breaking free from ingrained beliefs
Pay attention to what you say, what you do, and what it feels like in your body. When you feel it in your body, you're going to know, am I standing for myself or am I against myself? ~ Tracy Crossley
Exhausted?
As accomplished female leaders, we've climbed the ladder of success.
But what is this ladder? Besides making a living, what is the motivation? Inside of a patriarchal system, your motivation is often not your own. Join Tracy, as she is peeling back the layers to examine the patriarchal system.
People talk about breaking it down, fighting it or just complaining about it. In this first episode focused on patriarchal systems, let’s see what it means as an ingrained social structure. From boardrooms to living rooms, let’s look at the ways patriarchy shapes our world.
Let’s question the status quo and change the order!
Key Takeaways from this episode:
- The hidden nature of patriarchal structures
- Recognize how this affects women's opportunities and experiences
- Learn to identify and challenge unconscious biases
- Take action toward equality and balance in leadership
- Be part of the solution in creating a more equitable world
Join Tracy as she speaks with Antonia Bowring, a top executive coach specializing in helping neurodiverse leaders. The episode explores Antonia’s journey from working in development and non-profits to becoming an executive coach. They discuss the challenges of navigating careers, understanding personal purpose, and the importance of both transactional and transformational growth in leadership.
Four Key Takeaways:
- You Are Enough: Embrace self-worth while striving for personal growth.
- Align Work with Purpose: Find meaning in your career by connecting it to your values.
- Learn from Failure: Setbacks offer valuable lessons for personal and professional growth.
- Assume Positive Intent: Approach others with trust to simplify relationships and reduce stress.
"I wish that every woman realized that you are enough, just how you are. And from that one truth, so much good can spring." ~ Antonia Bowring
You can do it all! But how hard do you make it for yourself? Moving from scarcity to an abundance mindset can bring prosperity, but you know what else? It makes you less angry, tired and resentful.
Even with career success, many struggle with an inner voice saying they don't deserve it or things have to be hard. Tracy shares her personal journey working through money fears and limiting beliefs. Though accomplishments stacked up, an underlying feeling of "when will I lose this?" persisted.
Realizing your relationship with scarcity is important, it can expand what's possible. There's enough for us all. Dig deeper into abundance mindset shifts - tune in today.
In this episode, listeners will:
- It’s not just law of attraction; get the difference of scarcity vs. abundance
- Identify childhood roots of scarcity
- Learn to move from survival to growth mode
- Gain tools to align conscious desires and subconscious beliefs
- Discover how to stop self-sabotage for good
"When I became able to respect myself and have that level of confidence because I'm alive, it really did change things." ~ Tracy Crossley
Join Tracy as she chats with Barbara Mason, a former corporate powerhouse turned successful entrepreneur. Barbara reveals the secrets behind developing top-tier teams that drive business growth and foster a positive workplace culture. She created an optimal work-life balance for herself and her employees.
In this episode, you will be able to:
- Making a smooth transition from corporate to entrepreneurship
- Master the art of building high-performing teams
- Overcome imposter syndrome and step into your full potential as a woman leader
- Embrace the importance of work-life balance for sustained success.
- Learn strategies for retaining high-performance teams
Remember your why. Remember why you started your business and what your goals are. That is the North Star.
~ Barbara Mason
Join Tracy as she chats with Julie Ciardi, a business and mindset coach, to discuss the transformative journey from a traditional career to entrepreneurship. Julie shares her philosophy of living by design, inspired by influential speeches and her desire to break free from the default life path.
The episode dives into the importance of self-leadership, refining one's niche, and the continuous effort required in building a successful coaching business. Tracy and Julie explore the shift from doing to being, embodying the version of oneself that has achieved goals, and offer insights for high-achieving women on personal development and trusting intuition.
A glance at this episode:
[00:01:20] Embracing Life by Design: Julie Ciardi discusses the significance of choosing to live life intentionally, shaping her journey from a traditional career to entrepreneurship.
[00:06:50] Discovering Leadership Identity: Julie recalls a pivotal moment during Lou Gerstner's speech that catalyzed her realization of being a natural leader, influencing her decision to start her own business.
[00:13:59] Courage to Make Bold Moves: Julie shares her experience of leaving her corporate job to pursue entrepreneurship, highlighting the challenges and mindset shifts involved in this major life transition.
[00:25:46] Embodying Future Success: The conversation focuses on the concept of embodying the version of oneself that has already achieved their goals, and the internal battle against limiting beliefs.
Join Tracy as she speaks with Kalika Yap, a former journalist turned entrepreneur. They dive into Kalika's inspiring journey from journalism to founding her own design agency. Key discussions include the challenges of transitioning careers, the essence of female leadership, and the art of testing business ideas.
The episode also covers the hurdles women entrepreneurs face, the power of delegation, and how meditation can enhance energy and productivity.
A glance at this episode:
[00:01:19] The Move to Los Angeles: Kalika Yap discusses the challenges she faced in finding a journalism job in Los Angeles compared to New York and her decision to stay in California.
[00:03:50] Transition from Journalism to Design: Kalika shares her journey from leaving journalism to exploring web design and search engine optimization, leading to the start of her own design agency.
[00:10:15] The Importance of Proof of Concept: Tracy and Kalika emphasize the significance of testing business ideas and concepts before fully committing resources to them.
[00:11:30] Being a Leader 24/7: Kalika offers her insights on female leadership, highlighting that being a leader is a continuous commitment, not confined to specific situations.
Join Tracy and Laura Barnard, founder of Breakthrough Brands. Listen to Laura's inspiring journey from a Division 1 athlete to a trailblazer in corporate America, where she confronted gender disparities head-on.
Laura and Tracy explore the transformative power of aligning personal and professional identities and the pursuit of purpose-driven work. This episode is a must-listen for anyone passionate about empowering female leadership and embracing authentic self-expression in the workplace.
Join Tracy and Marilyn Alauria, an Emmy Award-winning author and psychic medium, for a captivating discussion on leadership and intuitive decision-making.
Discover the secrets of standing strong on policies, the art of compromise, and the power of trusting your intuition. Marilyn shares insights from her Next Level Living program, unveiling the transformative potential of psychic gifts for personal and professional growth.
Tune in as she decodes the soul's symbolic language, offering a unique perspective rooted in her Emmy Award-winning expertise.
Join Tracy as she sits down with Diane Helbig, a seasoned business strategist and the mind behind the "Accelerate Your Business Growth" podcast. Diane, an author and pragmatic thinker, is renowned for her ability to craft actionable strategies that drive success.
In this insightful episode, they tackle the crucial decisions that define business success and the intricate balance between assertive selling and thoughtful strategy. Diane and Tracy unpack the challenges of navigating corporate landscapes for women, emphasizing the strength found in setting boundaries and leading with genuine conviction. Tune in for an engaging discussion that promises to arm you with the strategies for success in business and beyond.
Join Tracy as she sits down with Deb Coviello, a powerhouse advisor, author, and Founder of Illumination Partners.
In this episode, they dive deep into the challenges and opportunities for women in leadership. Feedback at the C level is key, as is, the importance of self-awareness, and how to tune into the subtle signals that can guide your career.
Join Tracy as she sits down with Samantha Tradelius. Her dynamic personality and candid insights make for an episode that's as entertaining as it is enlightening.
With a track record that includes co-founding an eight-figure insurance agency, establishing a non-profit that's raised over a million dollars, and self-publishing a book celebrating women, Samantha is a true advocate for female empowerment.
Listen in to discover how Samantha's daily "power move" sets her up for success, and how you too can navigate the complexities of leadership without compromising who you are.
Come take a deep dive into the art of effective communication. Revenue is clearly impacted by what we say and do as a business. Forget the clichés; it's time to see how you can take good communication and make it better,
Let’s break down the barriers that have you on autopilot, bringing a fresh perspective to revolutionize how you connect with your team, clients, and even yourself. Tune in to speed up your success. This isn't just another episode; it's a game-changer for leaders who are ready to level up.
You want to make the leap, but what you might be leaving and what is waiting for you ahead. It could keep you awake at night.
Perhaps you’ve had great success, so to pivot away from what is proven may seem foolish. You're not alone. In this episode, Tracy dives into the pivotal moments, as she shares her own journey from feeling trapped in past success to embracing change and finding true abundance. Tracy also brings in stories from women leaders who've made their own daring pivots—from shifting careers to transforming their businesses.
Here’s a glance at what you'll discover in this episode:
[00:43] Contemplate the pivot you're hesitant to make and understand the resistance and challenges that come with career or business changes.
[02:51] Explore how focusing on your personal growth can reveal what you truly desire, setting the stage for your future success.
[04:07] Recognize when it's time for a change and learn how to make decisions that align with your personal goals and desires.
[11:27] Uncover both the challenges and opportunities that come with making a career or business pivot.
[12:35] Hear Tracy's personal experience of navigating a complex business landscape and finding peace amidst the challenges.
[13:43] Gain insights on the importance of finding clarity, upleveling yourself, and aligning your business with your personal growth and goals.
This episode challenges you to look beyond the scarcity mindset that keeps you clinging to the familiar. You're urged to believe in yourself, not just for your talents but simply because you have a heartbeat. Consider this your wake-up call to stop resisting and start embracing the pivot you're hesitant to make. It's time to become the captain of your own ship and find your greatest successes in what truly lights you up.
Join Tracy as she sits down with Fernanda Carapinha, a serial tech entrepreneur and founder of WE Global Studios. Together, they dive into the challenges and triumphs of women in the tech industry, the psychology of business success, and the transformative power of visualization.
Fernanda Carapinha is not just a tech entrepreneur; she's a force of nature. As the founder of WE Global Studios, an AI-powered Innovation Studio, she's on a mission to develop investor-ready, female-led startups at scale. A published YA science-fiction author and transformational coach, Fernanda is committed to helping women realize their full potential.
Join Tracy as she dives into a conversation with Marcia Zellers. Marcia's dynamic story takes us from magazine publishing to pioneering digital innovations at MTV and Warner Bros, leading advertising agencies, and even founding her own agency. Her latest pivot brings her to Stanford University as the Publisher of the Stanford Social Innovation Review, where she continues to inspire and inform philanthropy and civic engagement.
Ever noticed a tug at your heartstrings when you see someone hide their true self? A yearning, a silent plea, waiting to be understood? If the struggles of those fighting their inner battles speak to you, this episode is a must-listen.
Bianca, a beacon of hope and expertise for many in the world of trichotillomania. Born in Trinidad and migrating to the U.S. at age 12, she embraced her Caribbean roots and American style, becoming a hairstylist apprentice at just 14. Owner of New Horizons Hair by Bianca and featured in countless publications, she's a guiding light for those facing hair-pulling disorders, especially within communities of color.
If you’ve ever felt the urge to understand the deep-rooted stories that scars, both visible and hidden, can tell or are curious about the enigmatic world of hair-pulling disorders, this episode is bound to be an illuminating revelation.
It's not just about the external beauty; it's about finding solace, breaking chains, and celebrating every strand of strength, as Bianca herself has championed for years through her workshops, board memberships, and the transformative Lyder Foundation.
Join us for a captivating conversation with Holly Lichtenfeld, a seasoned expert with over two decades of experience in sustainability, environment, and climate change. As the former Chief Growth Officer at SustainaBase, collaborating with giants like Nestle & Walmart Suppliers, and the co-founder of CleanWell, Holly has been at the forefront of championing green solutions. In this interview, Holly shares personal anecdotes, from being strategically placed in roles to standing her ground in pivotal career moments, offering a unique perspective on navigating the corporate world as a woman.
Beyond her professional achievements Holly, emphasizes the importance of male allies, the pitfalls of fear-based decisions, and the evolving landscape of ESG in the corporate realm. Whether you're an aspiring leader or a seasoned professional, Holly's stories and insights promise a wealth of knowledge that will leave you inspired and empowered.
Ever had that gut feeling? A nudge, a whisper, guiding you subtly? If you’ve ever wondered how to truly harness that inner voice, this is the episode for you.
Dive in with me as I chat with the wonderfully insightful Brandy Whalen, the co-founder of Kitcaster, a podcast booking agency and resident story craft guru. Her passion is to help people quilt together patches of their personal, professional, and visionary journey to create a compelling story.
Here’s a sneak peek:
- Intuitive Signals: Learning to listen to the gentle nudges life offers.
- Real-world Choices: Balancing intuition with everyday decisions.
- Brandy’s Intuitive Tales: Personal stories that’ll resonate with every listener.
- Discovering Authenticity: Why it’s more about feeling right than being right.
If you’re at a crossroads, seeking guidance from within, or just curious about the interplay between intuition and life choices, this episode promises to be an enlightening journey.
It’s not about predicting the future; it’s about trusting yourself, understanding your intuitive hints, and making choices that resonate.
Are you constantly rushing, always doing, and never just being? Have you ever stopped to question where you derive your value? Join me for this episode, as I share my journey of self-discovery, visualization, and inspired action.
From the power of Arnold Schwarzenegger's visualization to the societal pressures that often dictate our lives, especially as women, I dive into the importance of finding our own path and embracing our true selves.
I'll reveal how I learned to value my own work, my own life, and how you can do the same.
We'll explore:
- Visualization as a Force of Nature: How to harness the power of visualization to create your reality.
- Societal Expectations and You: The impact of societal norms on our lives, and how to break free.
- Finding Your Value: Why your value isn't in what you do, but in who you are.
- Empowerment Through Being: How to find empowerment in authenticity, not achievements.
Whether you're feeling lost in the constant rush of life or seeking a deeper connection with your true self, this episode is a heartfelt guide to finding your own value and empowerment.
It's not about the next big thing or the accolades; it's about being you, visualizing, and taking inspired action.
WAKE UP to the True Value of Being. Click and listen now!
Step into Episode 41: "All About Me," where I go straight for the ugliness and messiness of truths. It’s a journey through identity, vulnerability, and empowerment. I come clean about myself and the experiences I know other women go through too.
You truly are never alone.
Pulling out the whole closet of unexpected family challenges to the roller coaster of running a business, and the courage to reinvent oneself. This episode is an intimate look at the complex web of life's real stuff.
Many of us wrestle with the idea of being honest about all the hidden stuff without a care -in the aftermath there’s no problem sharing, “Whew! I made it through!” But to be real about perceived inadequacies and changing that internal dialogue is key to self-actualization.
It's about uniting as women and finding our shining light.
I’m not sugar-coating or hiding anything. This is a conversation for those who are tired of playing it safe and ready for the life of well-being, happiness and thriving in ways you may not believe you can with any messiness.
Whether you're a leader, a seeker, or just someone who wants to hear it like it is, there's a place for you here. Please join me, thank you so much for being here.
Tracy sits down with Amanda Ambrose, a trailblazing attorney who has made waves in the field of criminal law.
Amanda fearlessly shares her experiences navigating the challenges and triumphs of being a woman in a traditionally male-dominated profession. From battling overt sexism to dealing with microaggressions, Amanda's candid account sheds light on the perseverance and strength required to excel in such an environment. Her unwavering dedication to fighting for justice is an inspiration to all aspiring female leaders.
Throughout the episode, Amanda emphasizes the importance of women supporting and uplifting each other. She explores the significance of finding a network of like-minded individuals who can provide the essential support needed to thrive in one's career. By sharing her own journey and the lessons she's learned along the way, Amanda empowers listeners to break barriers and shatter glass ceilings.
This conversation goes beyond the legal realm, delving into broader themes of resilience, self-belief, and the power of embracing one's unique voice. Amanda's story serves as a testament to the fact that accomplished female leaders have the ability to transform industries and pave the way for future generations.
Learn more about Amanda here:
amandaambroselaw.com https://www.facebook.com/NYCDWI/
On this episode of Earned Wisdom, we explore the societal and personal forces that can make it challenging for both women and men to experience true fulfillment. Our guest, Leisa Peterson, is an exceptional coach, author, business growth strategist, and the founder of WealthClinic. With an impressive background in finance, including negotiating multimillion-dollar deals while working at a prominent bank, Leisa brings a wealth of expertise and wisdom to the conversation.
Through her own journey of transitioning from the corporate world to entrepreneurship, Leisa discovered a profound truth—that genuine fulfillment extends far beyond material success. In this interview, she shares invaluable insights on how women can cultivate self-worth independent of external achievements. Leisa and Tracy engage in a thought-provoking dialogue, emphasizing the significance of internal focus, personal growth, and spiritual practices in uncovering true fulfillment.
This interview also tackles the important issue of the objectification of women in professional settings. Leisa and Tracy fearlessly confront this behavior and empower women to embrace their own power and agency.
If you're seeking inspiration and guidance on the path to personal and professional fulfillment, this episode of Earned Wisdom is not to be missed. Tune in to gain profound insights from Leisa Peterson and embark on a transformative journey towards self-discovery and empowerment.
Join us in this episode of Earned Wisdom! as we delve into the fascinating world of leadership, uncovering the barriers that often hinder talented women and underrepresented individuals from realizing their true potential in the workplace.
Our special guest, Koma Gandy, brings a wealth of experience as a former Naval officer turned VP of Curriculum at Codecademy. She opens up about her remarkable journey as a successful leader and coach of the men’s rugby team in the US Navy, shedding light on valuable insights and strategies to conquer imposter syndrome and seek support in the face of challenging work environments. Notably, Koma made history as the first woman to be permanently stationed aboard a ship, defying expectations and breaking down barriers.
Join us as we explore Koma's story of resilience and perseverance, uncovering the inspiration and wisdom necessary to unlock your full potential in the workplace and beyond. Tune in and embark on a transformative journey towards achieving greatness.
Are you ready to break down the barriers holding you back as a female leader? Our guest, Sarah Miller, CEO of Axis Entertainment, brings a fresh perspective to the conversation. She acknowledges the statistic that only 21% of CEOs in the United States are female but emphasizes that often it's other women who keep us down.
Sarah touches on the insecurities and fears that women face, such as jealousy, comparison, and the societal emphasis on youth and beauty. Her message is clear: own your leadership, command attention and respect, and don't be afraid to be yourself, whether that means dressing up or down. It's about being confident in your abilities and value as a leader, without using your sexuality to get ahead.
Sarah also addresses the Me Too movement and how it can sometimes further victimize women rather than empower them. Instead, she emphasizes the importance of finding like-minded individuals and surrounding yourself with people who uplift and support you. It's not about competing with others, but rather lifting each other up and learning from one another.
So, join us for this inspiring conversation that will motivate you to own your leadership and break down the barriers that hold you back.
Learn more about Sarah here:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarahmillerla/
FB/IG/Twitter: @glamourgirlla
On today's podcast episode, we delve into the topic of scarcity mindset and how it can hold you back from achieving success and emotional fulfillment. Tracy, shares her personal experiences of being indoctrinated into a poverty mindset and feeling undeserving of success or wealth.
Tracy emphasizes the importance of aligning your conscious and subconscious beliefs, and recognizing negative beliefs as survivalist mentalities. Throughout the episode, she encourages listeners to identify signposts in their feelings and recognize when negative beliefs are in direct opposition to their goals.
If you're tired of feeling stuck and held back by a scarcity mindset, then this episode is for you. Tune in to gain valuable insights and practical tips for overcoming scarcity mindset and achieving abundance in all aspects of life. Join us on this journey of self-discovery and transformation as we explore the power of abundance and unlock the limitless possibilities that await you!
Julie Foucht and her sisters were raised to be taken care of, while her brothers were raised to get along in the world. That upbringing had a huge impact on her life, getting married at 19 and having kids soon after. Unfortunately that marriage was an abusive one, and it took Julie 20 years to finally get out of it. Once she did, she discovered the world of personal development and has continued down that path ever since. Now she draws on her feminine energy to propel her forward, not hold her back.
“When women have money they have choice.”
Listen to Julie talk about following her soul’s desire, and how that has led her to help female coaches, teachers and healers build successful businesses that honor their feminine essence. She’ll share some tips for seasoned leaders who are in a rut, plus tell us how our bodies know whether we’re looking at other successful people as inspiration…or as competition. To stop following the should’s and have-tos, start following your joy. Julie shows us the way.
Learn more about Julie here:
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In today’s interview, we chatted with Natasha Case, the dynamic CEO and founder of Lunch Bunch, a meal delivery service for kids, and co-founder of Coolhaus Ice Cream and Future Gin. Natasha takes us on a thrilling ride through her journey as an entrepreneur, starting with the founding story of Coolhaus Ice Cream, where she began making ice cream sandwiches from scratch and named them after famous architects to lighten the mood for her colleagues during the recession.
Natasha discusses the challenges she faced and the importance of having a passion for what you do as an entrepreneur. She shares her thoughts on the impact of technology on businesses and how it's revolutionizing the food industry. She also talks about the unique challenges faced by women entrepreneurs when it comes to asking for investment, and how it's crucial to own one's identity as a female leader.
Throughout the episode, Natasha emphasizes the importance of thinking big and taking risks to achieve success. Her inspiring story and valuable insights will inspire anyone looking to start their own business or take their current venture to the next level.
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Freaking out is pretty common. Isn’t that for others who are not emotionally intelligent or insecure? It is a conditioned reaction to the possible loss of something you hold dearly. Whether it is a threat to your title, or your career in general, it can bring up shame or self-righteousness (a cover for shame). It can affect others in your business, where it makes you appear unpredictable or uptight.
Through relatable stories and practical tips, Tracy guides us on a journey to uncover the childhood experiences and beliefs that hold us back from embodying real success. She teaches techniques for moving through self-doubt and insecurities to arrive at peak happiness in your work and life. These techniques extend themselves to revenue building activities too. The more secure you become, the easier it is to create loyalty, increase productivity and proactiveness, plus take you beyond current revenue constraints.
Tracey G. Sameyah is known as a founder whisperer, delivering epic wins for brands such as Lancer, Murad, and Dermalogica. Tracey is an unapologetic revolutionary who propels the growth engine by unleashing innovative solutions worthy of a cult following and celebrity endorsements while staying true to the founder’s vision and the brand’s essence.
In today’s episode she dives deep into the unique challenges women face in leadership roles, particularly in male-dominated industries. Infighting among women can be a common issue, but Tracey stresses the importance of addressing underlying insecurities to create a supportive and united community. You'll hear valuable insights on how to build genuine connections with other female leaders and create a network that can provide support and mentorship.
Whether you're a seasoned leader or just starting out, this conversation will encourage you to trust your instincts and do things your own way, while also fostering collaboration and building a strong sense of community. Don't miss out on the practical advice and inspiring stories shared in this podcast episode - it's a game-changer for any woman looking to make her mark in the business world.
“I show up every day to compete with me. Anybody else of any rank, any tenure, male, female, I'm competing with me and trying to deliver on the life plan that I want.”
"I think the biggest thing is don't take anything personal. I think what gives us our sense of compassion and we're able to unite and bring groups together and think of more of the softer touches can at times be a challenge because we then feel everything and we feel that everything can be personal."
What if we told you that achieving zero ego could lead to emotional freedom and unlimited success? It's a lofty goal, but in this episode, we explore the concept of zero ego and how it can transform your life and leadership style. We'll take a deep dive into what it means to have zero ego and how it can manifest in your behavior, thoughts, and emotions. You'll also discover how fear and insecurities can trigger the ego, and we'll provide practical guidance for breaking free from fear-based patterns of behavior. If you're ready to unleash your true potential and become a superior leader, join us for an inspiring discussion on the power of zero ego.
"Ego equals insecurity; zero ego equals security. Your true self is safe and secure. That is real confidence—egoic confidence is not something that lasts."
Kristi Kaylor is a renowned entrepreneur in the celebrity and influencer marketing industry for more than 20 years. In 2006, Kristi founded The Loft Entertainment to connect brands, celebrities, and influencers through strategic content and marketing initiatives. Kristi’s hands-on leadership has led The Loft to work with 100+ brands and 500+ celebrities and influencers, launching brands, products, programs, content, and new entrepreneurs. Kristi's strong connections, business acumen, and sharp eye for trends have enabled her to build a successful career by connecting the right talent to the right brand, delivering on promises, and producing results. She recently wrote a booked called Steel a Yes, Dispatches from a Celebrity Brand Builder Who Gets Sh*t Done, coming out this spring.
In this inspiring and insightful podcast episode, Kristi shares her experience and knowledge on what it takes to succeed as a woman in business, and the importance of having belief in oneself. She discusses how to overcome fear and doubt, get out of your own way, and create the message in your mind that you want it to be.
"Don't be afraid to speak up for what you believe in. Even if you get a lot of 'no's,' eventually you'll get a 'yes' or you'll pivot and create something else and get a 'yes'."
"Create the message in your mind that you want it to be. Don't wait, put fear aside. If it's not working, pivot and reinvent. Be willing to have 'no's,' but know that you're getting 'yes'es."
Are you a female leader who struggles with making tough decisions because you don't want to come off as overly aggressive or insensitive? Do you find yourself constantly second-guessing your abilities and decisions due to a lack of confidence? If so, this episode is for you.
We dive into the surprising truth about female leadership and how personality traits like agreeableness and neuroticism can actually hinder your career success. Using the Big Five Personality Dimension as a framework, we explore why being too nice can be problematic for women in management positions.
But it's not all doom and gloom - we also offer practical steps for building confidence and trusting yourself as a leader. The first step is being honest with yourself and noticing the false stories you tell yourself, which often stem from old beliefs. We also suggest doing deeper emotional work to undo these beliefs and build true confidence.
Don't let being too nice hold you back in your career. Tune in to this episode and start taking the reins to become a confident and effective leader. And if you need help doing the deeper emotional work, we encourage you to reach out for support at business@tracycrossley.com.
Join me on this episode of Earned Wisdom! For Accomplished Female Leaders, as I speak with Lorey Zlotnick, the CEO of Zequity Marketing, a full-service advertising and marketing agency. She has held high-profile executive roles at organizations such as the National Football League, News Corporation, Disney, and NBC Universal, and has launched multiple cable television networks and digital startups. Zlotnick most recently served as the Chief Marketing and Brand Officer of Team Rubicon and the Veterans Coalition for Vaccination, where she led the elevation of the brand presentation, built a robust communications and media division, and developed new original content. Lorey shares her experience navigating the male-dominated world of advertising and offers insightful advice to women seeking to advance in their careers.
Listen in as Lorey discusses the importance of resilience in leadership, the value of women leaders coming together to create a supportive and collaborative environment, and practical advice for female leaders. This episode is filled with valuable insights and advice for women seeking to excel in leadership roles. Whether you're starting out or have years of experience, tune in to this engaging conversation and gain actionable tips to take your career to the next level.
“I believe that you shouldn't compete with other women. I think that as women, we need to hold each other up and provide opportunities when it's available.”
“I think resiliency has not been a challenge, but it's worked to my benefit because I've often had to step down and rebuild and reinvent.”
Learn more about Lorey here:
http://www.Zequitymarketing.comhttps://www.loreyzlotnick.com/in/loreyzlotnickhttps://www.principalpost.com/in-brief/lorey-zlotnick
Join me on this episode of Earned Wisdom! For Accomplished Female Leaders, as I speak with Lorey Zlotnick, the CEO of Equity Marketing, a full-service advertising and marketing agency. She has held high-profile executive roles at organizations such as the National Football League, News Corporation, Disney, and NBC Universal, and has launched multiple cable television networks and digital startups. Zlotnick most recently served as the Chief Marketing and Brand Officer of Team Rubicon and the Veterans Coalition for Vaccination, where she led the elevation of the brand presentation, built a robust communications and media division, and developed new original content. Lori shares her experience navigating the male-dominated world of advertising and offers insightful advice to women seeking to advance in their careers.
Listen in as Lori discusses the importance of resilience in leadership, the value of women leaders coming together to create a supportive and collaborative environment, and practical advice for female leaders. This episode is filled with valuable insights and advice for women seeking to excel in leadership roles. Whether you're starting out or have years of experience, tune in to this engaging conversation and gain actionable tips to take your career to the next level.
“I believe that you shouldn't compete with other women. I think that as women, we need to hold each other up and provide opportunities when it's available.”
“I think resiliency has not been a challenge, but it's worked to my benefit because I've often had to step down and rebuild and reinvent.”
As female leaders, we can lead with confidence even if we don’t have it all figured out…because none of us really do. Pangs of insecurity are normal, but when we feel threatened by other women, a common response is to judge them harshly (even if it’s only in our own head). It comes from a place of fear: afraid we don’t measure up or afraid we’ll be “found out.”
Instead of tearing other women down to artificially boost our confidence, we can build ourselves up. In this episode we’ll talk about the insecurities, attachments, blame and expectations that block us from feeling confident. Because as harshly as we may judge other women, we’re even harsher on ourselves. By addressing our insecurities we not only lift ourselves up, we’re able to champion other women too.
You are a wealth of knowledge and experience. Other people know it, but when the same challenge pops up over and over, you might start to question your effectiveness as a leader. Whether it’s another slow month or another new hire quitting, you wonder if this is the time it’ll finally go down the toilet.
As a leader it can be not to personalize, so this podcast is about looking deeper into what’s triggering you so you can turn things around. Looking at problems as your responsibility to solve rather than your fault is a game-changer. One is empowering while the other is deflating. Listen in for more steps you can take to change your behavior patterns and fully embody the accomplished leader you are.
Named a 2022 Business Insider CMO to watch, Robin is the Chief Marketing Officer at Codeacademy where she leads a brand-building team that delivers results and drives growth. Cutting her teeth in digital-first businesses gave her the ability to constantly challenge the status quo and pivot in an ever-changing landscape. As a strong female leader, Robin understands the different dynamics and expectations that exist for men and women—something she has been able to successfully navigate throughout her career.
“The more senior I get, there are fewer women that are my peers.”
Listen as Robin talks about how to work with gender, cultural, and generational differences by meeting people where they are, and how understanding yourself can drive you to excel so you’re always ready for what’s next.
Learn more about Robin here:https://www.linkedin.com/in/robinzucker/
Julie Foucht and her sisters were raised to be taken care of, while her brothers were raised to get along in the world. That upbringing had a huge impact on her life, getting married at 19 and having kids soon after. Unfortunately that marriage was an abusive one, and it took Julie 20 years to finally get out of it. Once she did, she discovered the world of personal development and has continued down that path ever since. Now she draws on her feminine energy to propel her forward, not hold her back.
“When women have money they have choice.”
Listen to Julie talk about following her soul’s desire, and how that has led her to help female coaches, teachers and healers build successful businesses that honor their feminine essence. She’ll share some tips for seasoned leaders who are in a rut, plus tell us how our bodies know whether we’re looking at other successful people as inspiration…or as competition. To stop following the should’s and have-tos, start following your joy. Julie shows us the way.
Learn more about Julie here:Website: Julie Foucht CoachingFacebook: Julie FouchtInstagram: Julie Foucht | Business Coach (@artoffemininebusiness)Twitter: juliefouchtLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/coachjulz/
Michelle Penczak is a military wife, mother of two boys, and co-founder of the virtual assistance agency, Squared Away. Growing up as a sassy kid in North Carolina, Michelle believed that brick walls were made to be broken down. That determination would serve her well into adulthood when several career obstacles tried to trip her up.
Listen as Michelle shares her journey from a laid-off personal assistant to the founder of a virtual assistant agency with more than 350 employees, mostly military spouses. As a military spouse herself (she married a Marine pilot and was named MCAS Miramar Military Spouse of the Year in 2021), Michelle experienced devastating rejections for jobs she was fully qualified for…because she was “just” a military wife who would likely leave in a few years. Seeing a huge gap in the marketplace for talented, capable workers who were being overlooked, Michelle built a fully remote business that gave military spouses a place to work, build their skills and feel valued. Squared Away, which Michelle currently runs from San Diego, offers everything from phone support and bookkeeping to event planning, social media management and a whole lot more.
“Never be afraid to say, ‘I don’t know.’ It shows you have integrity as a leader.”
Learn more about Michelle and Squared Away here:
Website: https://www.gosquaredaway.com/
Instagram: Squared Away (@awaysquared)
Facebook: Squared Away
You see a post in your LinkedIn newsfeed: a woman you know merged her business and people are congratulating her. Then you see a post from a friend who started at the same time you did, but now she’s the CEO of a multi-billion dollar company. You start spiraling. Even if you’ve accomplished a lot, it doesn’t feel like nearly enough. You doubt yourself, but who can you admit this to? No one. It feels shameful. What’s wrong with you? Why can’t you do better?
When it feels like everyone has it figured out but you, it can be incredibly lonely. But no one can help you if you continue to hide your fears and insecurities. That’s what we’re talking about in this week’s episode because it keeps women separate from one another. It hampers your leadership potential because you believe there isn’t enough topline success to go around. When you’re afraid to reach out, you miss out on insight that could be invaluable to you and your business. It’s time for women to open up and connect with each other, honestly, vulnerably and courageously.
Johna Burke has almost 30 years of experience in PR, communications and marketing, handling everything from production, sales and HR to finance and overall client experience. As a self-professed “outgoing introvert,” Johna believes our energy is our biggest asset, and that celebrating ourselves and each other is something we can all get better at.
Listen in as Johna and I talk about how competition and collaboration can coexist; the importance of compassion, grace and kindness; the danger of labels and much more. She’ll also share what she believes is the most beautiful word in the English language, and how it can benefit all of us.
“If you’re always in a room of violent agreement, you’re probably in a dangerous room because you have identified the bubble, and you are in it.”
Megan Huber is a Client Fulfillment and Retention Strategist who transforms coaches, consultants, and experts into world class group program facilitators based on her 17 years of experience across public education, athletic coaching, curriculum development, client success management, and group coaching.
Listen as Megan shares her journey from a shy, bashful and sensitive kid to an observant, motivational leader who plays to her strengths. Initially intimidated by female authority figures, Megan tried to emulate what they did to fit in. Now she’s forging her own path by shutting down all her proven, successful programs to go in a totally new, uncharted direction.
“When I became a muted version of myself, I was hiding the parts of me that I thought others weren’t going to like, but those were actually the parts that made me more likeable.” —Megan Huber
Learn more about Megan at:
Website: Megan Huber - Coaching Programs
Instagram: @meganjhuber
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/megan.j.huber/
When you cross paths with a powerful woman, do you see them as a possible work connection…or as your competition? Do you admire what they do and want to learn more, or do you compare yourself to them and wonder how they got so lucky? No matter how successful you are, women who are a few steps ahead can bring out that green-eyed monster, leaving you to feel insecure and threatened.
Tune in to this week’s episode where we look at why women are better at tearing each other down than lifting each other up. When you believe there isn’t enough success to go around (hello, scarcity!) you can miss out on a lot of opportunities. If we want more women in the C-suite, we have to start opening ourselves up and lending a hand. Helping other women in business is about being confident enough in yourself to hold the door open rather than letting it hit them (and you!) in the rear.
Whether you want to admit it or not, emotions always play a part in decision-making. We are whole humans, not some mass of intellectual cells, so you can try to hide or control your emotions (good luck), or you can use them to your advantage. Being friends with your emotions makes you unshakeable; not being friends with them makes you hollow because there is nothing substantial to ground you.
In this episode we’ll look at how emotions can be valuable sign posts for directing your decisions, and how to lean into them (it starts with trust). Disconnecting from your feelings can steer you towards fear and scarcity, which is not a good foundation for effective, empowered decision-making. Cultivate emotional intelligence and you just might be unstoppable.
Are you tired of being portrayed as fragile or the damsel in distress? Is it a role you feel the need to fight against in life and work? Yes, there are probably patriarchal rules you were taught, but you are the one who decides whether or not to follow them. When you focus on obstacles, you repeat history instead of forging your own path.
Fighting against perceived obstacles is a choice, and that’s what we’re talking about in this episode. Sure you can get pissed and curse a system that doesn’t support strong women, but that just perpetuates struggle. Instead, why not hang up your gloves and direct that energy inwards, letting your intrinsic motivation lead you? That is the source of true inspiration. By valuing yourself you can make empowered decisions that are aligned with your goals—not ones based on sacrifice, struggle or pain.
When it comes to what you earn, have you held yourself back for fear of appearing greedy? It’s easy to impose limits on yourself when you’re afraid of stepping on someone else’s toes, or when you think others feel slighted while you’re living high on the hog. It’s easy to question your worth when someone pays you what you deserve (or more)... but how does it serve you?
In this episode we’ll talk about this fear of appearing greedy, and challenge the idea there’s not enough to go around. You can play small, but the cost is ultimately your success and wellbeing. A scarcity mindset will always keep you settling for less. When you feel that sense of restraint inside, step through it. Abundance is available to those who believe it exists.
I think it’s pretty ridiculous that society suggests showing emotion is a sign of weakness. I believe it’s actually courageous because it tells others you are comfortable and confident in who you are. I mean we’re humans, afterall, not robots. But let’s be clear: I’m not talking about temper tantrums or uncontrolled outbursts. That’s something entirely different. I’m talking about being emotive because you are connected to your feelings.
Knowing your emotions taps into your intuition and can help with decision-making when you feel stuck or confused. It also helps with relatability, openness and confidence. So how do you use your authentic emotions to maximize your success as a leader? That’s what we cover in this episode. We’ll look at what drives you to mask your emotions—is it fear of appearing weak, people not liking you, losing control? Connecting with your emotions is empowering, and it can actually grow your confidence as a leader.
When you hear the word “ease,” do you think of a lazy person who is not on their toes? Or do you think it’s a pot of gold at the end of a hard-working, problem-solving rainbow? What if I told you ease is a mindset? It’s not about what’s happening externally; it’s about presence and feeling worthy of having it.
Working like crazy and trying to solve problems before they even show up will have you running around with your hair on fire. Instead of lifting 1,000 lbs daily, try lifting just enough to keep growing your value moving toward ease. In this episode we’ll look at the challenges you think you need to face, and where you can let go, because your worth is not determined by your ability to slay dragons. Ease is available and it will make you a stronger leader.
We’re living in a “specialness” epidemic; the desire for attention, respect, even adoration. It can lead us down a career path just to find it. Being seen as special isn’t just a goal, it’s a need, but it’s not an intrinsically motivated one. It’s driven by what you believe “special” means to other people, and it comes from a place of lack. Even being near special people can make you feel like you’ve joined the club. But no matter how much you seek it, you never actually feel it. Special becomes elusive, which makes you want it even more.
But what if you didn’t need to exhibit special to feel special? Chasing what we think is meaningful to others is exhausting and it doesn’t equal success. In this episode I’ll ask some questions about what you’re really looking for, why you need it and how it makes you feel. The essence of who you are, not what you do or achieve, is what makes you special. It emanates from within.
We humans love to judge, and there are two different biases we hold: descriptive and prescriptive. In this episode we’ll be looking at prescriptive bias and how women are expected to behave as leaders (good lord do people have opinions!). When women don’t act according to their prescribed role—kind, warm, gentle, caring, submissive—they can be punished. And it’s not just men who carry this bias, women do too. Being a decisive or direct female leader shouldn’t be a bad thing, but these biases can feel like being trapped in a box.
So how do you combat them? First by knowing they exist, and second by catching your own. Notice when you make comments about other women not “acting” properly. And when you hear that internal voice saying you should’ve been kinder or less aggressive, realize that’s probably your inner bias talking. We can’t change how other people think and behave, but we can act in alignment with who we are, instead of who society tells us to be.
As a female leader, overwhelm is probably not foreign to you. The mountain feels too high to climb, yet you feel pressure to get to the summit—pressure from others, but also from yourself. And the dictator in your head says you can’t do it; you’re incompetent; you’re an imposter. You want to slump down and cry in a corner, but if the leader is cracking, who’s in charge? So instead, you fantasize about escaping to a desert island or taking a low-level job that requires no leadership skills at all.
Even if you have multiple degrees and lead a Fortune 500 company, fear and low self-worth are probably in the driver's seat. Perhaps you’re afraid of looking at who you are and how you feel on a deeper level. You just hope that achieving the success you want will give you the freedom you feel you lack, so you keep pushing the boulder up the hill and exhausting yourself. But you can wait your entire career for external validation, or you can look at how YOU make it hard for yourself. So I challenge you to try something new: acknowledge your feelings and look at what you fear. Even if you hide your fear-based mindset really well, it’s still operating, and it’s what you’re actually trying to escape from.
You could have raised yourself.
You did not want to raise yourself, but it seemed the most logical step in what you needed to do to make it through childhood. Very few people understood you, although you might not have let on to it. In fact, with those few who understood you—they have been able to get the closest to you and that may not be very close at all.
You are ferocious, voracious and fierce…..but there is a part of you inside that is disconnected and does not feel your worth. YOU THINK YOUR WORTH THROUGH THESE ABILITIES TO GET BACK UP AND GO!
The persona you have at work as the inferno fighting kick ass boss may have fans but people are intimidated by you. And you may prefer it that way.
But who is really in your corner? The people who say it? Nope…perhaps the people who act like it, as long as they are not doing it for just their benefit. The goal for you is to keep on fighting to either stay at the top or get there. You want that 360 view, and so when life throws you curveballs with your health, a break-up, death, destruction or even loss of clients in a major way as to seriously affect or zero out your revenue and cause you to have to get up by the bootstraps AGAIN.
You will eventually burnout and not give a shit.
You will eventually hit the wall where if you have not already questioned what drives you and why?
You will alienate others, even people you do not want to but your choices will isolate you, since you are so used to the role you play with donning your cape and making shit happen.
You may believe it is the only way to be and stay successful, but it is not. Far from it.
You do not need to be a superhero. You can bring a bit of something else to what you do, because YOU are not a one dimensional human being.
Who’s the good girl and who’s the bad? I was always bad and tried to be good. I just did not fit in with the idea of good although, I was not out in the world doing bad things 24/7. I just questioned authority. I questioned the status quo and at times I felt I could do a better job at my work or in saving the world than others. You too? Cool you’re in the right place!
You may have felt this way, and yet there is a part of you waiting to be proven wrong. Not the mature adult you, but that old part that was conditioned to “girls need to fit in and take care of others first.” Among so many other messages that did not serve you.
The obstacles you place in your way start with you having to be the leader—yes you…if you were like me you were president of all your childhood clubs, you were inventing clubs for people to belong to…you were director and lead actress of all your plays as a little kid and so on….I always had to be in control but who knew then what my trajectory was going to be?
I did.
I marched to my own band. I also saw things from a different perspective, as many female leaders do. The issue only became an issue when I had to get others on my team to get as excited about things, that is when I started to sacrifice myself and say sorry, or worry I was wrong or bad, because someone disagreed with how I did my job or ran my business. Yes, always waiting to be found out but let me apologize in the meantime.
Do you believe success requires you to separate yourself from your feelings? I’ve seen it happen time and time again where female leaders and entrepreneurs have trouble connecting with unwanted feelings once they’ve attained a certain level of success for fear of losing what they have worked so hard to build. Instead, these women bury themselves in more projects and compartmentalize their feelings, hoping it will simply pass. Not only is this NOT tied to success, disconnecting from your feelings also creates emotional isolation from others.
In this episode I debunk the myth that you have to stuff your feelings (and simply “put up with things” or pound it out at the gym) rather than acknowledging them and… eek!… speaking up. A successful and effective leader is connected to herself, allowing others to see and know her truth. It takes courage, but I’ve got an exercise to get you started.
This podcast came from my observations, my own life and being involved in how women say they support each other, but a lot of the reality (NOT ALL) is there is so much infighting that it makes it impossible to stay consistently on HER team, whoever she is without talking behind her back, after all a nice girl does not disrupt the status quo among women. A good woman lets the hierarchy remain and sucks it in, or spouts it off in ways that end up being beyond her control.
This of course is societal in terms of the environment we are raised in, women don’t need to fight men…they need to stop fighting themselves.
When you stop focusing on the struggle presented by a situation you have with another or other women and focus on creation, love and growth…..your world changes, but it doesn’t feel innate because of our condition.
The conditioning of a patriarchal society. Now this is not about complaining about that, as I am not about the struggle.
It is about starting with how harsh a judge or an asshole you are to yourself. When you are a dick to yourself, and feel your value is only defined by what you achieve, have or are connected to….you have an opportunity to change your entire life and not only become a true support to other women but to stop being victimized by all the bullshit society saddles on women.
You may be successful as a mom or as a doctor or a neuroscientist or even an entrepreneur—anything that has been your north star, but maybe you wanted to embody more or have a different occupation…. somewhere, somehow someone said it was not possible for you.
As young girls we are often given a lot of mixed messages about what is possible, and this is from our home environment, society, teachers, entertainment, peers and so on…ya know…. are you a girly girl or a tom boy situation?
At the time, the person who gave you an uninspiring message may have felt threatened or was parroting what their perspective on girls was based on their exposure. It could even have come from someone who failed at what you want and so you were convinced not to do it. You got the idea that unless a path opened up that ensured success in that direction, it was a no-go for you! You needed to either rebel and show everyone you could do it, or conform in many cases to do what was expected.
I mean if the statistic is true that 7 in 10 women want to change their careers or 73% of women…what does it say about the first choice we made? Who’s choice was it?
Even in some families girls are given labels—she’s the smart one, she’s the pretty ones and then it is the rock we trip over—what was possible for a sibling from your family’s perspective is not necessarily possible for you.
Some independent, successful, smart women feel something is missing in their lives. No matter how many degrees they have, or how much money they make, there is still a little girl inside wanting someone else to provide for them. They want someone to fill that emptiness inside. If you are one of these intelligent, successful and driven women, this is NOT something you want to admit. It feels weak and shameful. Some of this is biological: men are providers. But is that the whole story?
For women who have made it on their own, there is still an insecurity about maintaining success, and feeling like they don’t deserve the success they achieved. Some fear failure or being found out as a phony. So… having a man to fall back on sure would feel more secure, right? Believing we are limited in what we can have, yet lacking in some way if we don’t achieve it, is toxic. Listen to this episode where I talk about the paradox of success and the desire to be taken care of. Why does it still exist, and how can we address it in an honest, empowering way?
WAKEUP STATEMENT (#wakeupstatement) Waiting for someone else to provide for you can result in a life of walking on eggshells, rather than seeing opportunity outside the illusion.
Help can be hard to ask for, especially for women. You don’t want to give your power away or appear weak, so you go the other direction and take on way too much. You overcompensate and make sure there is no room for someone else to step in. You create challenges, look busy, break your back—except no one really notices you’re doing it, so you just exhaust yourself. Maybe you feel shame for what you don’t know or what you don’t understand, and having someone explain it would reveal you’re fallible; something you desperately need to keep hidden. But going it alone isolates you from others, which isn’t a good thing when you’re trying to get ahead.
So what’s the alternative? How do you ask for help without appearing like a damsel in distress? That’s what we will explore in this episode. We’ll also look at some of the barriers women face in asking for help and why we feel this way. As with so many challenges we encounter, a lot of it comes down to value and self-worth. If you are confident in who you are and what you bring to the table, asking for help won’t feel like a knock on your abilities. You’ll see it for what it truly is: an act of courage.
WAKEUP STATEMENT (#wakeupstatement) You can do it alone with the weight of the world, or you can be courageous, be you and engage the village.
100 years after women won the right to vote in the U.S., we are still behind much of the world. In the political sphere and elsewhere, we hold ourselves back and dim our light. But why? Is it due to lower levels of encouragement from others? Demanding household obligations? Self-doubt? Waiting for permission? All of these play a role in taking the backseat, along with our judgment of other women. We tend to measure them as brutally as we measure ourselves (which is pretty harsh—am I right?). When we hold ourselves and others to such high standards, it makes it harder to support women in positions of power.
For women to be the future, we need to look at our own lives. Do you treat yourself fairly and have empathy for your mistakes? Do you seek validation from others or give it to yourself? In this episode, we will look at how to stop hindering our progress. Self-doubt is huge for women, but we can work through it by acknowledging its existence and choosing to say “yes” anyway. It is our beliefs and perception, not reality, that holds us back… which means we have the power to change things.
Wakeup Statement (#wakeupstatement) Whether you are a leader right now or not, where is the ceiling for you? Blast off baby—it’s time to shatter it!
According to a survey of American women, 1/3 spend 30 minutes per day or less doing nurturing activities for themselves, while 3/4 spend up to 10 hours daily caring for others. Why do we believe we deserve less than the people we care about? Why is taking a bath, reading a book, or any self-care activity considered selfish, and therefore something we need to justify? For a lot of us, it goes back to childhood. You may have been called selfish for something you did, feeling shame and embarrassment, vowing not to put yourself ahead of others again. This led to a life of prioritizing others while you settled for whatever was left. It probably also pushed you into people-pleaser and/or rescuer mode so you would never dare be called selfish again.
When you put yourself last, your unselfish acts can build resentment. You bitch and complain because you’re depleted, but working your ass off in this way will not win you any awards. You also start to believe you don’t deserve what you want. In today’s episode, we’ll look at how selfishness itself is not the problem; it’s our relationship with it. Doing small, selfish acts that feel uncomfortable is how you start to change that relationship. Isn’t it time we stop treating “selfish” like a four-letter word and give ourselves what we need to thrive in this life?
Wakeup Statement (#wakeupstatement) If you fear being selfish, you will always feel like you do right now.
Women are brought up to be good. Most are brought up to take care of others. Did I do a good enough job? Am I okay? This is how a woman has gotten validation for the most part. The idea of putting everyone before you and you come last makes it hard to believe someone else will find value in you. It's a feeling. The feeling of never getting there and needing someone else to say yes. A woman recently said, they offered me the job and I asked for $500.00 more a month; is that okay? What are we settling for when it comes to our fear of asking for MORE? Tune in to find out how to ask for more money on the job or in your business.