Rye Off The Bat : Recent Episodes
Rawrnie
Hello! You may know me as Rawrnie! A traveler writer, content creator, self proclaimed artist, an entrepreneur and a realtor residing in Singapore!
I love trying things, experimenting with different medium is my art. I love creating raw and unfiltered content, and I’m obsessed with one takes; hence this unscripted one take podcast is born!
Every Wed: Rye off the Bat is a collective of unprocessed audio recordings that explores various subjects, from productive, self improvement to mental health
Every Sun: Rye off React is a collab between Chilli & I reacting to diff situationships
Things hasn't been the best as the dosage of my prozac was increased; 2 capsule and it's been causing me abit of a brainfog.
It was hard to focus, and it felt like everything was a blur.
Perhaps I was also going through a spiral, and I have been down.
But on the bright side we would be coming back to doing weekly podcasts for Rye off the Bat on Wednesday!
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There are always nights that hits me, when I was burying myself with work and life. I was once broken and depressed; spending time listing to songs of melancholy, getting myself lost in memory lane, stuck in the past and wondering what things could have been.
And... sometimes I realize it's okay. This bizarre way of pacing my sadness helps. And sometimes it is what I need; to feel alive again.
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In this episode of Rye off React, Chilli and I checked out this interesting story of a friend group. What if you have a friend who have sort of a disability; and asked you to do a group cosplay for a costume party?
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I decided to put myself through this cringefest again, doing a translation of this after I shared and after speaking to some close ones who'd taken a peek; I decided to do an English version.
I guess I had more fun doing this, as I'm commentary in hindsight and also how it felt for me back then. Commenting as a more mature person made me felt like... dammit, I really love myself really little back then, and was grabbing at anything who fed me with any little attention.
Perhaps a hopeless romantic no more.
Come join me for part 2 with a tinge of dark comedy and humour as I throw myself back into this emotional roller coaster ride again because I came across some Chinese songs that sent me on an emo spiral.
This is a special 2 part episode where I bare my heart out and found myself using dark humour and comedy to cope (and perhaps that's why I resort to laughter to cover my pain).
Part 2 is probably something unexpected; and due to the intensity of the content, this would be posted back to back (on Wednesday and Thursday)
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I guess I'd consider this part of my collective. It was one of the days where I was listing to emotional Chinese songs on repeat; and I decided to dig around...
Only to find this :')
It was a letter in Chinese that I'd wrote to this girl whom I'd loved and disappeared and probably changed me... for better (or worst).
It was a can of worms that I'd never thought to open, but somehow the songs kinda just pushed me to it, however, maybe it's the universe's wishes; just felt alot more cathartic after.
Upon checking it happened in 2016, but last edited in 2018. Probably I itchy hand went to read and pressed something in Apple Notes.
This is a special 2 part episode where I bare my heart out and found myself using dark humour and comedy to cope (and perhaps that's why I resort to laughter to cover my pain).
Part 2 is probably something unexpected; and due to the intensity of the content, this would be posted back to back (on Wednesday and Thursday)
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In this episode of Rye off React, Chilli and I dive into this story as the sister was wondering if she'd been an asshole for kicking her sister out of her house. Understand that our family members is always our soft spot, but at what point do we be firm and have boundaries?
Come find out!
P.S. we may have digress quite abit in this one
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What are we? Who are we?
This is a question that I struggled with growing up.
Are we always in the process of understanding and identifying ourselves?
But what if people around you have a strong opinion on assumption on how you should be, how you should act; instead of who you really are?
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What is princess syndrome to you? We were wondering if they were referring to what the Chinese called 公主病 (directly translated to princess illness), the desired to be treated like a princess.
It was to our surprise that it was pretty... "literal", but the development of this story is very different from what we expect, come listen and find out!
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Have you ever felt like a wallflower? I decided to share about this part of me; the person taking the backseat, observing, a writer, a narrator of sort telling stories, listening.
Perhaps it's this persona that opened up difference doors for me, even though I'd never truly ever walked in one, but it'd given me a glimpse or a peak to the different worlds in this universe.
And it's perhaps one of my perks of being a wallflower.
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We are back again with Rye off React with Chilli and in this episode, we explored the end of a relationship... what happens if you initiated a breakup and you were just meet with an "okay" before your partner block you? Is this enough for a closure? Or it was so quick that you didn't see it coming
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Here's an update on life, and also how Rye off the Bat would be taking a slower pace from now. I'd been exhausted with a number of stuff; mostly my lawsuit, work, tackling my anxiety and depression while trying to function.
I'd finally took the courage to set a date for my operation; that's probably also another story to tell.
On the bright side, we are looking to get Rye off React back, I'll be looking to travel at least once before my op, and hopefully I can set aside more time for my content once my work settled down.
- Rye off the Bat would be releasing every other Wednesday for now, until I'm able to do something weekly.
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It was a great show; my best medicine to depression and insomnia. I like how the laughing track made me feel less alone, though bittersweet, how each of the characters are charming in their own way. I'd say Howard's arc would be my favourite (might be an unpopular opinion), but being a timid person who was bullied made me felt somewhat relatable; especially being degraded often.
It was not just any show, as I'd get to know big bang theory in afew other occasions, but having to really get to know and watch the whole of it... it just made me felt something.
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It was a night of drinking with my buddy on a Monday and I was reminiscing about the old times when these thoughts struck me. Oh, how I missed the old times and how naive we were, the seemingly perfect moment where I'd felt happiness... only at hind sight. But it sure didn't feel it that way then, pain is relative, and every day felt like a chore, being a student, schooling, being graded by your grades.
But going to work, seeing the other kids chasing each other, running around the neighbourhood, giving our all in our puppy love... that felt akin to happiness; or was it only a hindsight thing?
Do we really know what happiness was? Or it is just all a memory?
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Who would have known this unsuspecting HDB flat would be where I'd feel alive after seeing all the artworks. It kinda felt like a way the universe wake up the artist in me, the one who'd get excited gallery and museum hopping. And it made me want to do this episode, so I won't forget that today... I felt alive.
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Midnight ramblings on why I always blame and hate myself. There are things we can control and there are things that we can’t; is this god complex when I feel I know what’s best? And I didn’t achieve it? --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/ryeoffthebat/message
In this episode Rye off React, we came across this story to discuss. Some friendships are tough, especially when it is at the mercy of both party's mental health. It's hard to balance, but sometimes do we set ourselves on fire to keep others warm?
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In this episode, I'm feeling alittle positive and productive as I'd been trying to switch things up. There's always a pocket of time available; especially timing in between our tasks, appointments or during commutes.
Being aware of these times could also give us the chance to come up with mini-tasks that help us take tiny steps towards our goal, and these are 3 steps on how we can get to it!
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In this interesting episode of Rye off React; Chilli and I dive into something alittle different. It's common for people to get a tattoo in a foreign language, what if the tattoo isn't what the person thinks it is, or worse, if the tattoo means something offensive?
Would you tell your friend the true meaning of their ink?
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It was until my therapist pointed this part out that made me more aware of my nervous laughter tendencies; yes, I laugh at inappropriate times.
And it affected me throughout life... I didn't really know or have any explanation (or rather excuse), except to say that I usually use this to cope.
It was until I realize it is a thing... and it isn't easy to share/let people around me understand as they find it hard to accept my socially inappropiate behaviour.
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Continuing from the episode from gifts, Chilli and I came across this story whereby the OP's husband didn't allow her to give a gift that to another guy at work. For context it's a gift that they received and they do regift things to others for things that they don't use.
We also learnt what's a Keurig today.
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Death. The hardest and trickiest topic to tackle. The inevitable; but something people would avoid.
It's hard to lose your love ones, or to see people you love lose the ones closest to them.
It hasn't been the brightest and the best year with death looming in recent times; and I figured it's time for me to talk about it...
From my first experience with death to date, to how I stopped looking at the faces of the ones who passed because it's too much for me to take.
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In this episode of Rye off React, Chilli and I talked about gifts! It may differ in culture, but is it weird to buy something for a neighbour's pet?
I don't want to make my neighbour felt any sort of obligation yet don't want to be weird as well. But wanted to do something for my neighbours cat; so what should I do?
Come find out
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Depression is really a strange thing to cope; when your friends ask you to seemingly "undepress" yourself. If only it is as easy as flicking a switch. This Chinese New Year period probably got me shagged out, and here I am... checking in
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What if your parents deny you of a certain truth about your family tree and your family origin? Do you continue to find out or... just live with it?
In this casual episode of Rye off React, Chilli and I tried to uncover this with the OP, until...
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It was 4am in the morning and I was taking a walk out and I decided to go on a rambling… it’s been awhile since I’d recorded an episode so raw (outside). It was one of those days when I felt like everyday starts to feel like clockwork; putting blocks after block… and then what? --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/ryeoffthebat/message
In this tricky episode, we dived into something that is not much talked about; smell. How do we tell someone if they smell? bad breath, body odour? It was tough to navigate but sometimes it could be something that put us in a very vulnerable state.
So how should/do we go about it?
Come find out!
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In this episode of Rye off the Bat, I came back feeling alittle enlightened from my therapy after speaking with my psychologist and psychiatrist.
To be honest, I always thought that medication would do the trick, like I would be okay after some pills; I genuinely felt this way because I felt that other than medication there was nothing else that could help me, not even myself.
But apparently... that's not the case
In my current time, I felt alot of flatness; alot of my emotions felt so fleeting that sometimes I don't feel it and I felt alot of numbness, so... I'd been advised to find meaning in life. So let's see how this goes, shall we?
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Have you heard of the orange peel theory? A trending tiktok "relationship litmus test"; which suggests that the small acts of service, and a partner’s willingness to perform them, indicate a healthy relationship (such being helping to peel an orange)
The story happens when one of the partners realizes that she has been on the shorter end of the stick, and it all comes down right after her partner didn't... "pass" the orange peel test when she was asking for small favours and he didn't help her.
Are such tests accurate? or was it just hype? Should one judge their relationship based on something as small as an orange peel theory? Something seemingly trival but what do we unravel underneath? Come find out!
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I was on Setraline earlier, and after feeling that it doesn't fits me well, and making me tired; I tried dabbling in Prozac. I tried adjusting the time of medication from morning to night to morning again, and I'd say it's still pretty okay, trying to balance my mental health with it.
But... it felt similar; other than the fatique (it is seemingly less from Setraline), there are 3 side effects that still affects me after going on antidepressant for more than 6 months.
So... I guess I decided to talk about it.
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To what extend do we want our partner to change and to what extend that change is too much? In this episde of Rye off Reach, Chilli and I dived into the the story of this couple whereby the husband actually wanted his "wife to be" to go through plastic surgery to be more aesthetically pleasing before he commits to a marraige.
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Sell your thoughts to your brains. Yes! We know we do have 2 sides, the emotional side and the logical side, and the former tends to win... (a number of times). It's easy for us to procrastinate, easy for us to push things off, sweep things under the rug and it's not our emotional's side fault. They are programmed to keep us safe, and happy and sometimes the stars is just hard to align.
So... I figured it'd be great if we can... allow our logical side to be a salesman so we can get the emotional side on board; so why not!?
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ROR: Dinner with MIL took an unexpected turn
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So I went for goal settings today; and I learnt that E+R=O is more important that E=MC2.
It was a session done by my boss, by inviting the leader of our division to lead the goal sharing session. Sometimes it's not all just business, but also with a mix of personal aspiration, mental health, and health.
Sometimes we're so caught up with generating income on the hamster wheel that we'd neglect things around us. And sometimes we get our direction wrong and there's no guide to steer us in the right direction; so it's incredibly important to check in with ourselves.
Perhaps I'm still high on antidepressants and good vibes when recording this, but here's to a more fulfilling 2024!
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ROR: is going to the bar alone weird or desperate
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Rye off the Bat became as my audio journal/log of sort to document and share my mental health and personal growth and I'd glad to have come so far; this would be our 207th episode!
2023 felt like a flash for me, and thinking back and looking through my archives, I'd found that it was not just like any other year, it wasn't as mundane as I thought, and beneath the surface; I'd found... a better version of me.
Here's to more growth in the Digital and Physical "realms". Cheers!
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In this 2023 special episode that is set to air on the last day of 2023, Chilli and I travelled down memory lane to the start of our podcast days. From how we met, to how the different experimental content projects that we tested, right to how Rye off React became what it is today.
And of course to close up the chapter, we would really like to share our thoughts on how far we had came this year, and what's more to come for 2024 for our content project!
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Sure everyone (or most) have something to complain about their lives; from their predicament to the countless it could have been, the list goes on.
I was trying to breakdown my goals into smaller achievable but when I realised something. These are the rules that I’d found (or made).
So instead of living by others, clocking your time, autopilot your weekends only feeling alive on weekends, why no do something that makes you feel alive… and fair? Like how finding rules don’t felt like shortchanging you.
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What does it takes to break a friendship? A dog sitting session? Of course while digging deeper, Chilli and I uncover there's more to this which might have caused such a riff in the frienship, but sometimes it is for the better of our mental health to put ourselves some distance with friends who are not really good for us... right?
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In this episode of Rye off the bat, I’ll like to share something that I’d been doing for 2 weeks and have seen a positive effort on my depression and my mental health. Yes! Tony Robbin’s cold showers; I’m not even sure if it’s called this but I decided to try out after hearing how he mention about doing this to stay control of his mind.
So far I’d seen myself changing for the better (thought there are days when I felt really tired and decided to take a set back and rest, but overall it really helps in priming me for the day)
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On to wedding matters, we explode something abit different but widely discussed in wedding plannings; do we invite our ex(es)? What if the break up is amicable? And you guys still remained friends to this day? Does it still mean something? What happens if your partner is uncomfortable about it? Do you then cut off this friendship?
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In this episode, I would be sharing what are the 3 ways that we can handle our PTSD flashback or images when it comes. Other times, it could be use for anxiety. It does helps, and after my therapy I decided to hop on and create this episode; hoping that by sharing it'll help people who are feeling the same way but am helpless on what to do.
Come give a listen!
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In this episode of Rye off React, Chilli and I explore this interesting story. Does the way your current partner think about your past partner matters? What if it crosses a certain line? In this one, they were so close to getting married but because of something she said, he had 2nd thoughts. What do you think happened? Come find out!
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I didn't thought of using an anime reference, but hey that's the point of Rye off the Bat right?! It hits me when everyday felt mundane, the routine, the grind, the hustle... where this is going?
There's a reason why Naruto's training right? To be a Hokage
And there's a reason why we are putting ourselves through this nature of life. This... "endless episode of repetition in our life"
And maybe... we just need a story.
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In this episode of Rye off React, Chilli and I stumbled upon this hilarious story; and we can't even believe it. Serious? Asking something so inappropiate in the workspace? So what boundaries should we set and how does it turn out in the end? Tune in to find out!
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In this episode of Rye off React, Chilli and I read this situationship of how she left the relationship without a word, only with a note. Is this the right way to handle the break up? However reading on, there seems to be more than meets the eyes. From restraining order to other trigger warning self harming situations, how could one move on from this mess? Let's find out.
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Luck. A magical element that is seemingly unmeasurable. Who would have known when the stars all aligned? Astronomers, tellers of fortunes only make luck feel like a more evasive trait. Selling us superstitious trinkets and sorts.
Sometimes luck also gives us the excuse to blame them; when someone did better, when someone succeeded, adding on more evasiveness to this enigma of a trait.
But there's one thing that could potentially outplay luck; numbers. Numbers also mean consistency. Numbers also mean effort. And with enough effort and consistency, we would eventually breakthrough. And we just need to keep going.
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In this episode of Rye off React, Chilli and I dived into this episode of how one might feel uncomfortable sharing their location with someone, even their family. We talked about how one could misuse privacy, or certain information that could be violated unknowingly. We also shared how we are on the other end sharing our location with our family members. And at the end of the day is about intend and consent.
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So today I went to the Raffles Specialist Centre to do a psych assessment of my mental health and I was introduced to BDI (Beck Depression Inventory Test). I decided to talk about it because this test made me to be more aware and inquisitive about my mental health. From understanding my self-hatred to my views in life, this shed more light than I thought.
And I figured it'll be nice to share about it, and also how I feel... and to find out I'm severely depressed, I guess I'm still hopeful... for some parts.
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In this utterly intense episode of Rye off React, Chilli and I uncover this mess of a relationship that not only crashed and burned but exploded when the girlfriend wanted to blow things up and do some real collateral damage. How should one handle breakups? and when should others be involved? Is it too much to involved parents and families?
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It felt like that right? We lose parts of ourselves over heartbreaks. When we are broken to pieces, some pieces are just lost; and some pieces are just given to the person who breaks them.
But what if it's not the case?
I went down this rabbit hole of thought with this title in mind... and I came out, different.
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In this interesting episode of Rye off React, Chilli and I actually check out this episode. What is your take when it comes to travelling with your partner? You know how we should be early for check-ins; so what would you do if your partner didn't respect the time and the final call is on? Do you went on ahead?
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I'd always had a passion for arts, especially events and festivals. It was actually a comment from a colleague that struck me; when he said that "You just have to give it up after you grow up".
But... why?
Do we really have to give up our passion after we started working? As much as we do have more responsibility to undertake, do we lose part of ourselves over that?
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Welcome to "Rye off React," the sizzling podcast collaboration between me and my fiery friend Chilli! Get ready to dive into relatable stories and juicy reactions that'll keep you hooked from start to finish.
In this episode, we're spilling the tea on this story where One found out that her boyfriend have been making fun of the gifts that she'd given him 🔥🎁 Get ready to join us as we dissect the rollercoaster of emotions, dissecting love, expectations, and the twists that unfold when gifts become gossip.
Tune in for our candid reactions, hilarious insights, and a dose of real talk as we explore the highs, lows, and everything in between. Don't miss out – this podcast is your front-row seat to the drama, laughter, and revelations that come when relationships and surprises collide. New episodes every Sunday!
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In this episode of Rye off React I decided to answer this few questions that was asked;
- Why you never edit your podcast? (your podcast very raw you know?)
- How many listeners you have (if not alot why you still do it?)
- Why you want to do Podcasts?
I decided to deep dive into these questions as I also want to share more about the idea and intent behind my podcast.
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In this episode of Rye off React, Chilli and I read about this intriguing story about sexuality. What if you found out that you are attracted to men instead of women, but you're married to one. Do you talk to your wife about it? If so how can we go about doing so? How would she feel?
How does one tackle their changing/if not uncommon sexuality?
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3am thoughts; the time of the night where we are stuck between the limbo of sleep and insomnia, where the future and the past haunts us.
Love. The one feeling that moved us effortlessly.
What if... the person we love doesn't exist? It's just an imagination in our head. The impression we form, the reason we give ourselves. We see what we want, and the existence of that being just happenss to bring that love to life; but that person... is their own person, with everchanging personality, thought, and their own path and growth.
Love is a snapshot of what we thought or believe this person is to be.
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A tricky topic nevertheless for us to pick through. Sure we have no say in another peron's relationship but what would you do if you are about to be your best friend's bestman, but only to find out that his fiance have been calling your girlfriend by an offensive racial slur? It's tricky right? Do we have a conversation about it? Sure, but it is also a hard topic to thread as you might wonder if your bestfriend might have known this all along or knowing this would it wrecked the friendship?
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I was in between insomnia, flipping around when I decided to go back memory lane. 4am in Singapore; a writing that I once put myself into the back seat, writing what it was like for insomnia for me in Singapore, at 4am. It was a strange time, in between dawn and dusk, a time when you see the world go quiet.
Reading this awkward 12 years old piece of work of mine.
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In this episode of Rye off React, we came across a heavy topic. What would you do if your spouse to be disappeared on the day of the wedding, leaving you to deal with the whole wedding alone? People would keep asking you what happened and why; but you'll still be as clueless since you are "abandoned" and ghosted for several months after.
Months done the road and suddenly this person decided to appear in your life again, is it a selfish way of theirs to seek closure? Would you still correspond or speak to this person? For having put you through this trauma?
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It was an interesting night, and I decided to push up the queuing of this. I recorded this after coming back from our Singapore Genshin Concert (Day 1), and everything was so surreal.
The music and everything is great (of course), though I'd reckon to have more Liyue music anytime. The highlight to me however, is our Discord Community recruitment drive, where we give away Genshin Acrylic pieces to people who'd join our server!
It wasn't a cheap gift (acrylic leh), but I really do enjoy giving and seeing the joy and happiness on the faces of our fellow travellers. I decided to dig deeper about how it felt like how I was working into hostels back in the days where I bring people together to create a more inclusive and more wholesome community; just like us... now :)
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"Do you want kids?", This is probably one of the most common story between couples when they're trying to work things out. So Chilli and I dived into this years long relationship that seemingly might not work out because their "family-goals" didn't align.
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In this episode of Rye off React, Chilli and I actually dive into this wedding situationship where things took for the worse turn. Best friends for 18 years only to have one weekend to ruin things? What could be so bad? What is a breaking point and what happened when your friend is difficult get along and is the alpha all the way in a friendship? We find out (:
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In this episode of Rye off the Bat, I decided to share this thought that came to my mind; "Think about what you’re going to do not what you would have done". I hopped onto recording straight, thinking of how it make sense to me then, as if like an epiphany, about how we actually have more control if we look forward instead of back.
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In this awkward episode of Rye off React; Chilli and I discuss and dive into this seemingly "dumb" reason as mentioned by the OP of his girlfriend cheating on it. It might seem like any other cheating story, but diving in, we also noticed a variety of issues; from insecurities or self-sabotaging tendency where it might not have been addressing in a relationship. So what makes a relationship work? Or why might one cheat?
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After speaking to my doctor, I still am having some fatigue, especially the lack of motivation and finding myself struggling to stay awake in the day, which lead me to try switching up to taking Prozac at night.
So far it's been a week plus in, and I find myself sleeping much better, as my mind tend to be less active and awake after taking prozac, instead of the supposed effect to be opposite.
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In the 3rd part of our podcast, Chilli and I decided to read a short creepy-pastaish style kinda story about how they met this weird person which... turn out to be a creep and to be even hiding in her closet. Digging deeper there are infact creepy squatters that do this or even hid/live in houses like these. how creepy it actually is... let's find out (or not).
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It was a hard podcast to make, I felt... oddly painful to be vulnerable in this one. I'd given up on the thought of love some time ago and digging deeper and asking myself why; I realized that I was in love the past version of my lovers, before they changed into someone else.
Perhaps we had all grown and it was the time for us to part, perhaps it was the universe telling me that I have to learn loving myself first. It was utterly painful when I see her move on, while I was holding our half written chapter waiting for her to come back to finish our story; but she didn't.
So... I think what i miss was being able to imagine a future with you
(semi trigger warning)
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In the part 2 of our Rye off React for Ghost stories; we read one that is much more relatable to Singaporean Males all around... Army. Nothing send more chills down my spine for Army Ghost Stories as I too have my own fair share and experience of it. So this one talks about the infamous Bouncy Betty, a myth that might have been around for awhile but comes with an unexpected twist.
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In this episode, I decided to talk about the oblivion I have "made" for people whom I'd crossed paths with sometimes. The unforgettable ones, but also unloveable and unhateable. Perhaps they are a distant memory now and remembering them makes me feel... sad and hurt? But then again for them to exist seeming frozen in time also felt like a reminder of what I'd lost.
For those who'd seen Bojack Horsemen, it's like how he and Diane... have nothing left to talk about after; just that.
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It's 7th month in the time of our recording and we decided to try reading some horror stories instead! In this spine-chilling story we explore the horror of taking the last bus! Last bus usually runs close into midnight, with some running way pass it by the time you reach the other end of the route at the interchange. What happens if... for some last buses there are certain "special" stops specifically to ferry supernatural entities?
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In this episode of Rye off the Bat I talked about how I make sense of things... of why we met the same kind of lovers who treat us badly, why we meet the friends who don't appreciate us. Our lack of self-love is a hard thing to fix but stoicism always tells us about how we should focus on the locus of control; how we feel and sometimes you hurt them back, and sometimes they make you become a worse version of yourself.
So perhaps we should focus on healing, and getting up whenever we fall, instead of never loving again.
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In this episode with Chilli, we dive into daddy issues where the bride actually felt that her step-dad is more of a dad to her than her real dad. So what makes a parent a "parent figure"? And how do one deal when their child pick someone else to "recognize" as their parent figure instead?
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Semi-fuzzy podcast talking about how I feel that we would always be loved whether we know it or not. Sometimes it's not up to us to pick who love us; or who do we love. But the only thing we can control is if we keep loving ourselves.
Love ourselves not too much but enough to forgive ourselves, to understand our flaws, and know that we would always grow and become better.
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In this hilarious episode of Rye of React, Chilli and I dive deep into.... something interesting as the Girlfriend of a 4 year relationship found out that her boyfriend has been freezing and collecting their pet dog's poop and may even have been racing her to clear the poop because of his collection habit. So what's this strange reason behind erratic behaviour?
Let's find out
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In this episode, we dive alittle deeper into my pretravel anxiety and why do I feel that way. Despite being a wanderlust, I hate "pre-travelling", from committing a period to travel and to doing several miscellaneous travel stuff. It could be as simple as planning, packing. Perhaps it is change that made me feel anxious, and it is a weird way; be it for better or worse; change always makes me feel anxious.
Perhaps it is the issue of my anxiety disorder that is making me feel this way but once I'm in the plane and it takes off, it felt like I'm a whole new different person altogether.
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For this episode of Rye off React, we kick start into this situationship of an interracial BGR where the girlfriend didn't know that the family members of her boyfriend are seemingly racists. Being a woman of colour, and hearing them referring to her with the N word could not only be a shock, but also make her feel helpless. It was a tough topic to navigate.
Its a topic that is very much relevant in Singapore as we are a multicultural nation and society, and it is not uncommon for us to have friendships/relationships with people of different nationalities and races. So how do we ensure that our family members are on the same page as us regarding this?
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By the time this podcast is out, I'm already at Hong Kong. This is a open letter to the traveller in me, from the first time to Hong Kong in 2015, and now 8 years later I'm back again. I wonder if the Hong Kong I knew was still the same, if the place that I hold so close to my heart, the language that pulled my heart strings (Cantonese), would always sooth the traveller's anxiety in me.
So... Hong Kong, here we are, again.
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In this episode, we tackle something alittle more sensitive and controversial. Do we take care of our parents/love ones?
What happens if our partner didn't want our parents to move in with us, even though they are homeless? Too extreme? How much of support and compromise should we give? This episode can get alittle heavy and Chilli and I also do feel the "pinch" as we also dissected the different cultures regarding parent care.
I think it is also more of an Asian thing when we live, takecare and even give our parents allowance. What if our parents is toxic or abusive?
Unexpected heavy topics but nothing's too heavy for Rye off React!
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In this episode of Rye off the bat, I have that thought of how we always thought we can put a pin on it, to stop to pause; thinking that we can hop right on anytime. But in reality we are actually moving backwards; relative to the world as the world move on, relative to our body as or organs are aging.
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In this episode of Rye of React, Chilli and I explored this episode of situationship of a story where the OP is dating this guy who fell head over heels thinking that OP is a female; however "she" hasn't share about "her" true sexuality about being a trans. It is not uncommon for things to take off really quickly when everthing seem to fall in place, however it is hard to have more heavy conversations sometimes like sharing our sexuality to our sexual past for better or worse; so come join us and dive in and lets see how it goes from here!
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Own your life. This concept gets thrown around alot as we are "told" to be more responsible for our own life. This concept however isn't wrong; in this episode, I share abit more of my thoughts on that and how we tend to sway from this concept, as we could blame things on the "neo-natural" disaster. From overcrowded gym due to the June holidays or even taffic jams; so how far back should we own our lives?
And somethings knowing how to own our lives also knowing where to "hit back"
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We all know beggars can't be choosers, but what happens when you decided to give someone and non-obligatory gift but it all turns for the worse when your gesture of goodwill and bought down a rabbit hole of chaos; as the receiver of the gift wants more?
It's a strange world.
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In this episode, I shared about my mental wellbeing and experiencing after going for a week on Prozac (Fluoxetine). I decided to try out Prozac after being on Setraline (hovid/zoloft) for around 1 year and find myself unable to adapt to the fatigue after the 2nd dosage. After hitting a low in motivation, my doctor encourages me to try something else again and this time I decided to say yes. I always thought Setraline is a "saftey net", but find myself lingering but haven't seen much improvement after. So far Prozac seems great, and I'm trying to stay more positive to be better.
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In this episode of Rye off React; Chilli and I looked at this situationship of someone who got alittle too involved with her neighbour. It seems like what transpired made her neighbour to go for her time and again, not taking no for an answer and being very sure it was not just a one-time thing. Fun, Alcohol but sometimes things can get tricky if someone sees something else and feelings are involved. This person however took it to a whole level of harassment, and "attacked" her when she did not give in.
How should one do when faced with something like this? Lets dive in and find out!
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In this episode of Rye off the Bat, I explore the difference between Naysayers and "Shouldsayers" and how the latter is harder to deter. It is easy to go against Naysayers; when their views contrast really easily with yours. But what about Shouldsayers? when their values and thoughts could blur so well with yours and even made you doubt yourself?
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In this episode, Chilli and I stumbled upon this heavy story that unravelled alot more than we thought. How does one deals with LGBTQ friendship when the partner has little to non-awareness or is prone to say insensitive things? How can decades of friendship navigate through this; despite weddings being supposed to be events of bliss? It was a difficult one, but sometimes the world just needs to be alittle kinder.
Do we let the red flag stay? or go?
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Should they help bear the utilities and misc cost? What if they are financially doing not as well?
How about what if they have kids? Should we take care of the partner's kid as well?
In this episode Chilli and I dissected this interesting story of a dating couple whom both each have their own space. Out of kindness, one of them asked if they would like to share a place (paying for half her mortgage) and... guess what? Listen to find out!
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Take it personally, be responsible for your life; these words resonated with me and reminded me of this story that I'll love to share. It was incredibly hard and emotionally exhausting serving your friend as a realtor. This is quite a personal story and it still haunts me to some extend to this day, making me wonder if I wasn't patient enough or if I was good enough. And I took it personally; and make it a point to be a better person, to love myself more from there.
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(Trigger Warning)
In this unexpected heavy episode; we actually contemplated stopping recording altogether but decided to push through.
It was definitely alot more heavier than we thought we can handle but it also shed alot of light on how one, in the face of PTSD can seek help and how it was difficult even with help and how it also affects people around that individual.
It was probably one of the most difficult episode to record to date, and lets just dive in slow, unravel; take a breather if you need or skip this episode altogether.
Note the trigger warning tag. (Trigger Warning)
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"Even a lost man without a map need to start walking in a certain direction to get somewhere"
This statement hits me quite abit during our real estate meet up and I decided to do this episode to share. It's not uncommon to be lost, but we always have to keep walking forward to find ourselves.
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In this episode of ROR, Chilli and I tried to dissect this problem with the couple that surfaced on Reddit. Sooooo OP and his GF had a fight; you might think yea couples all have fights right? But when it becomes a breaking point for one of them to do something really alarming? Like selling your car away after a fight and for you to find out when the car is no longer here anymore. Is such reactions justified to send a message? Let's find out.
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In this episode I decided to share a short snippet of my thought as I found myself indulging in pleasure lately; especially after therapy. I keep telling myself it's alright, just one more day, and the list goes on. It really just dawn on me that I, myself have been making excuses to chase pleasure and I haven't been loving and taking care of myself the way I wish I could have.
Pleasure doesn't equates to happiness, and even in some instances it might have gone the other way. So.. chase happiness, which would make you really happy but not happiness
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In this episode of Skem of Dayum; XZ and I were back to reviewing and trying to find some of the latest good deals on Carousell! With listing as early as 2 hours old; we shortlisted the 4 best set ups to discuss, from as low as $600 to as attractive as $1300 inclusive of 2 monitors (1 of them 165Hz), a mic, and proper mouse and keyboard!
So.. Skem or Dayum? You decide :3
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In this episode, I discuss the weird relationship of how actions and control might be alittle paradoxical but it might not be too bad afterall if we take "action" first instead of control. Being a realtor it might be alittle harder than usual for me as I mostly find myself in an "over control" situation, where I got too much time for myself, and that leads me to procrastinate.
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Everyone of us has someone from our childhood that we never want to cross paths with. Ever. It may be our of hatred, embarrassment or anything else down the emotional spectrum. In this episode we went through this viral story of this guy who actually met his childhood nemesis via a dating app and it was until things was going well before he had this realization she's the person whom he'd been having a grudge on all these while.
So how does one deal with this? Let's find out!
Story actually came to a full closure at the time of recording, do stay till the end for updates!
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Some days does indeed felt more tiring; when our mood swings the other way, we could feel more overwhelmed by things like a drained battery. It's as if our capacity for tolerance just went down. It was totally not what I expected when I was recording this episode, when I was thinking of something else; to see this as a phase, to tide through to be strong enough to let it hits us without going down. Then I realized; what if we hit back?
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In this episode of Rye off React, Chilli and I explored an interesting story of AITA to discuss.
What happens when we find our friend's partner or spouse's personality bad? Do we call out on them? Do we make our friends choose? Should we call them out just because it felt like our own red flag?
Story actually came to a full closure at the time of recording, do stay till the end for updates!
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In this episode, I want to talk about my latest trip to KL, which is also my first after so long. I really did think the traveller in me is dead; with adulting, my threshold of social energy seems to have gone down in capacity, but also I have stopped looking forward to travelling.
However it is in this one that I noticed that I still love stories and adventures; though not as actively so, I still love them once I'm overseas. It felt like something I'd like to talk about and share... and at the end of the day, it is perhaps the magic of putting ourselves out there.
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It is easy for you to say is a rambling of sorts after I'd seen a video promoting positive mental health. Nothing against these, just that sometimes it might be easy for people to say. To smile, to cheer up to be okay with yourself.
Would it make it harder for one to feel related when someone who is aesthetically pleasing says "be okay with how you look like" vs someone who is less or even a plus size model to say it? It felt like it may be easy for some to make some statement yet it is also another thing when it is being bought across. Why are some being more accepting of messages if someone who is more pleasing to the eyes is the ones who deliver it towards someone who is not?
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In this episode, Chilli and I explore the situation of someone who is considering to break off her engagement after meeting a guy that makes her heart skipped a beat. It might sound crazy without deeper context, but going through the different layers we realized there are more questions to be asked before one commits.
- How can one be ready for marriage?
- How does the day after happily ever after realistically is?
And in this episode, we try to find out!
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In this episode, I would like to share a weird thought on how we should do what we hate.
Isn't what we hate almost always out of our comfort zone? isn't it always the thing we hate most; and the reason we procrastinate?
Sometimes it takes embracing what we hate or applying abit of what we love to make whatever we dislike alittle less "hateful" and we would eventually embrace this new "comfort" zone and keep pushing forward.
So would it be somewhat true to say that "constantly doing what we hate would eventually lead us to what we love?"
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In this episode we decided to pick another angle of a relationship; this time not romantic but of a friendship.
What would you do if your long-time best friend decided to suddenly ghost you? leaving you out there waiting, not even dropping a courtesy text to you that he/she is going to cancel on you. Meanwhile, you're just waiting at the mall/cafe for him, and it took you afew hours of waiting to realize that they aren't coming anymore. Would you give up on this seemingly one-sided friendship?
What would you do?
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This is an odd episode as I feel like I need to talk it out to myself.
It hasn't been easy managing a discord community; moreover a close-knitted one with regular meet-ups and such.
As everyone has a name, a face and a story, this makes it trickier when disputes and conflicts arises.
In a large enough discord community with daily activities; human drama is bound to happen.
And here is me, trying to get it all together.
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In this episode, we explore one of the situation on reddit where by the guy was being rejected after tryng to ask his friend to be his fwb; only to know that she ends up warning other people about it. On the other hand things get complicated when he felt he as no fault and she would only "affect" his chances of getting on with other girls.
It's a tricky situation but Chilli and I are here to dissect, react and discuss!
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in this episode, I'd like to share some of my thoughts when I was thinking back about my past relationships and feeling that they where all the right one, just that they weren't there forever.
Calling it the right one but wrong time seems wrong, but how is it the wrong time when it was actually the right time; perhaps the right amount of time. Hence; not forever :' )
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In this podcast, we will delve into the concept of begging in relationships and explore what it means to different people. We will discuss the reasons behind why people beg, whether it's to feel better about themselves or to gain power over their partners. We will also talk about the effects of begging on relationships and whether it's healthy or not.
- What is begging in a relationship to you?
- Are we just dragging things? Sweeping dirty laundry under the rug, or we truly believe it was for the best
- Have we reached the end if we have to find ourselves having to beg in a relationship?
Overall, this podcast will provide listeners with a thought-provoking and informative exploration of the complex issue of begging in relationships.
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A rye off the bat poetry performance on the beauty of what it could have been; the perfect imperfect Schrödinger's (cat) Pandora box of what might or might not happen. It could have been, a phase that relates and connects all of us together, but at the same time disconnects our present to the future that... "could have been".
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What would you do if you kept receiving explicit photos from your friend, or if you knew your friend is viewing you in a sexual way? When is No and definitely No and how should we keep our distance and set our boundaries? How about finding out your boyfriend is keeping sensitive photos of his friends and secretly taking photos of you?
In this episode, we discuss and explore how such compromising media has become a part of relationships. Would it let you break yourself? how would you navigate such tough situations?
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Do you keep items from your past relationship after your breakups? From functional items like clothing, or wallet to emotional items like letters, there are a huge variety of items that still stays in our life even though our lover doesn't. So how much of those do you keep?
In this episode, we share about how we felt interacting with such "trinkets" after the relationship, and sometimes it could be a reminder of how far we have gone, or perhaps a bittersweet one to remind us that... "it's been a good ride"
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Heading over to Lazarus Island for Natasha's Art installation, we never knew that we would find such wisdom in the natural world, as we stood there, observing the worm wiggling through life. It gave us some sort of epiphany; or you can call it "the Worm's Eye View", as we looked at the world alittle differently, with 3 amazing takeaways to share with you guys. It was amazing how one humble creature could teach us so much, and come hop into the wormhole with us now!
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In this episode of Skem of Dayum, we go through some deals in the IT show.
would you buy a CPU with your favourite model's face on it?
if yes how much would you pay for it?
Unbeatable PC deals, that you can never get anywhere else even in Sim Lim?
Great starter's gamer desktop kits under $1k
is eGPU a skem... or DAYUM?! :D we find out today!
P.S. Testing our on stream video episode today
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This episode was made fresh off the oven after I'm back from my therapist, who shared with me on some practices of sleep hygiene. Insomnia is always a thing that I have to battle with together with PTSD and with the recent treatment and medication, it definitely worsen.
It isn't that bad or severe (I feel) but it really does affect my functioning days. So my doctor came out with some practices that I could adopt and I feel it is something helpful to share it!
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A short rumbling about this 1997 dystopian sci-fi thriller called Gattaca. How ahead of time it is, when they covered about humanity and our tendency to discriminate, while we strive for the best. Greed? Naivety?
It was really nice to see Ethan Hawke after I first saw him at predestination. This movie really came full circle for me.
A shoutout and thank you to penguin for this recommendation.
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In the second episode of relationship advice, Chilli and I explore some interesting relationship stories around. What would you do if you found out that the person you're dating is married? How about receiving evidence and notes that your partner is cheating?
There's always a saying how couples in love would put on weight together, but what happens when your husband no longer feel physically attracted to you?
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What if your partner doesn't groom themselves?
Is sex important in a relationship?
Would you allow your partner to meet their ex?
Breaking up from a 16 years relationship just because of bad sex?
This list of questions goes on as we dive deep into our relationship stories, from unpacking our emotional baggage to reacting and sharing our 2 cents. From Relationship Advice, we wanted to create something that starts more conversations and for people to share about how they feel or think. At the end of the day, communication is definitely key, and sometimes we just need that leap of faith to talk about it. And have that uncomfortable conversation to work on being comfortable together again
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Made this while we head towards the end of 2nd month, and I guess life's been quite errrr... well tiring
Feeling the burnt out, in this episode I talk about some of my challenges as I was balancing the 3 different sector, from family to work and personal. I think it was one of the episode that I ran through what I had to priorities depending on the circumstances of my life, mental health etc.
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In this pilot episode of Skem or Dayum, I'm here with my Twitch Mod XZ, who's been nothing but helpful when I was looking to get a new computer after my previous one failed me. I decided to head towards Carousell, as they have a more attractive price ranged, for those which I believe are lightly used (2 years or less), I manage to "snipe" 2 good PCs, totalling around $2000 for both of them, with one at $1.4k with 2 monitors and another at $550.
We then decided to start this podcast to talk and discuss about different tech stuff, from rating set ups, to reviewing listings; no frill style!
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Was exploring the potential of an upcoming tech podcast with my twitch mod while I was shopping for a new PC and we decided to make it happen. It's been awhile since we'd done podcast together and it's really nice to have found a great balance where it lies within our common interest.
Named Skem or Dayum, this casual and light podcast is a 20min byte size tech reacts, from 2nd hand price builds to set up reviews, Skem or Dayum goes on a conquest see if there's anything's worth that bang for that buck out that.
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Never would I expected to be doing a podcast about my first love as my intention was just doing a podcast recording, and it happen to be on valentine's day. It is apparent that this particular day has lost its meaning over time as I grow up, becoming less of the dreamy childlike romantic but more of... an ordinary adult.
But that being said I also travelled down the thought rabbit hole or how I loved much more passionately back then, and how Valentine's day is a day and a reminder of the romantic in me, somewhere.. in there.
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A podcast episode on what I went through today and some brief updates of my life and anxiety.
Today I head over to the hospital for my regular therapy session and we moved on to conducting Traumatic Incident Reduction (TIR); a method where most doctors use to deal with PTSD patients. I was asked to remember, and try to reorganize the information and details of my accident, repeatedly. It is bitterly cathartic but definitely needed.
I left the session feeling down when everything starts crashing to me at home. It was a tiring day... and I really needed a break.
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In this episode, I decided to share my experience during my company's goal-setting meeting. I guess it hits me to some extent, as I was made to write and think about my current state, emotions, feelings and also this session is pretty exploratory with the questions directed. And I guess I left this session with more question and answers, but wiser as to the path that I should seek out down the road in 2023.
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Like how the title feel, I'm back from a long hiatus, as I got buried with work and personal matters. Perhaps I have been shutting off and haven't been feeling, as fatigue only lull me to bed right after I'm back home. I haven't been playing games even, and my leisure time consists mostly of staring into space. But one thing I know for sure; I want to get back to things. So I took this Chinese New Year holiday as a break to kick start the projects that I'd paused.
A new year doesn't feel like a new canvas, but only a continuation of an old one. We might have a new picture to paint, different colours, or different paintbrushes, but we are still working on the same ol' canvas; Us.
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Perhaps it's middle-age crisis speaking, or perhaps I am no longer as young and fearless anymore. No longer as adventurous, my body isn't as great as it use to be, and my spirit is dampened from work; seeking solace over weekends or quiet nights hunching over a book or huddling under my sheets watching Netflix.
I guess... at the end of everything, I do prefer some sort of stability, and mundane. And understanding this mundane is nothing special, nothing magical, afterall.
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Reading My Short Story Series: The Problem
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A depressing audio log that I guess I shelved in and decided to share.
And every star deserve to shine, so love yourself more.
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i guess there are days that we don't fit in, and maybe that's okay. We all do have that different facades, and perhaps we are not the only one feeling together, but we are family.
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Today we decided to get out of our comfort zone and decided to tackle a spicier version of confessions and it really did catch us by surprise. It was extra juicy, spicy with too much flavors that we normally have; but it was nevertheless eye opening and interesting to explore sexuality and such stories in a more open space, to share the different kind of normal, culture, and to be more open to accept perhaps what most stigmas might find weird.
So here we are, opening the doors to maturity and sexuality.
P.S. sorry if we were giggling like awkward kids
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In today's episode, I'll like to take a different approach to go about happiness. As many mention about happiness being hard to achieve, or seemingly impossible, I'll like to believe that happiness will definitely come. No matter what we do, it's always about delay or instant gratification, and depending on which we chose, that of course will affect our course of life; from long lasting happiness or fleeting ones.
So what would you choose?
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We didn't expect this recording of bonus round; semi NSFW version as we found some really "weird"/interesting stories and decided to hop onto stream again to do another round of recording. Are you an asshole for showing your sibling's onlyfan account to your parents? Setting boundaries to ask your friends to stop sending you NSFW content? How about taking justice in your own hands and screenshotting messages guys sent and send them to their mum? We find out in this episode!
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It's been not an easy year for me as I'm taking a step back otthink about my life and how far I'd come for this year. And I feel that I'd been making progress most importantly in work and recovery, and probably relationships.
The last lap to be better, lets do this.
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In this episode, I'm here to catch up with Chilli where we will be planning to react to some controversial social content in the digital world. It's been awhile but I'm glad we manage to pull off another impromptu podcast. Weight shaming in workplace by telling a coworker that she is fat? Lying to someone that your girlfriend is dead? Hating on your mum's new girlfriend? Calling the cops on the neighbour trespassing your property? Let's go!
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It might sound counter-intuitive when everyone is asking us to be discipline, to avoid temptation like lava. However, on the contrary I feel like it's okay to bask in some temptation; much like a gym rat's cheat meal.
Life's short, we never know what the future holds (as most would agree), and I feel that it's okay to kick back and do what we want; though not all the time, but I also feel that as we grow up, we could definitely be responsible to some extend, as long as we can still function, not let it affect us moving forward; what's a little temptation but a detour to take the scenic route in life?
Won't you?
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It was close to 2 weeks since I had been running, even though it wasn't exactly consistent. I tried my best to keep up, doing more stretching, and physiotherapy.
Never did I think I'll be doing my 5km soon (even though I keep telling myself I'll eventually do it). It was somewhere in the middle of my run when I hear this mantra in my head.
"Do you want to lean against the wall and be comfortable or push against the wall and breakthrough"
With that I decided to really talk and share about what I was going through, to remind myself to always keep working towards the next high, and also the 3 things that I feel it was important to help me check off the next milestone and many ahead in the future.
- Plan, schedule and be consistent
- Be flexible with your expectations, reduce your friction to show up
- Acknowledge, and celebrate the milestones and your progress
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it was an amazing day...
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In this episode, I share about how I have difficulty coping with setraline still as I felt very unstable after doubling my dosage of medicine.
It hasn't been easy and probably it was also after I stopped taking for abit during my holiday and the crash happens after I got back to it.
- Difficulty Focusing
- Fatigue (really bad ones)
- Lack of motivation and discipline
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"Falling down is okay but remember to get up"
I told myself that when I am currently losing some steam during work due to exhaustion. It's my first time handling multiple cases and with the other projects that I'm working on the side, I'm finding my hands more than full.
It was indeed timely when my colleagues decided to escape on a cruise trip. It's time to get back, to restrategize, to transform and be better, and here are three things that I felt helped me, to share. And here's a reminder to always take care and love ourselves, and may our journey of live help us see more value in ourselves that no one else would (not even us in the past)
- Ride the burnout
- Do nothing (& reconnect with yourself)
- Come back stronger
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In this episode we have White Knight and Chilli to start off our Genshin lore adventure! The Starfell area is a place by the cove where we start the game, leading us towards to Mondstadt. The surrounding area felt like places left by them, from an abandoned Amphitheatre that was one used by the nobles to force slaves to fight for sport (much like the Colosseum), and the mountains where the weatherman lookout for outcoming storm with an abandoned watch tower. These places felt like spots perfect for urbexs (urban exploration), as we started checking off places in the map.
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I decided to also upload our episode of Book Club Read here as this was our first Collab episode to get the book club going. In this episode we are reading Peter Swanson's Eight Perfect Murder!
Come listen and join We, Lycando, Myo and Starriehime as we discuss about our afterthoughts about this book with as little spoiler as possible!
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In our pilot episode of Rye off Teyvat, we go through the list of 10 annoying characters in Genshin Impact. There are always friends who can be annoying, from the Bipolar Bennet to the Hypocritical Diona who hates alcoholism but still works as a bartender. How about Hutao who keeps pranking, so what's a healthy boundary? In this Rye off Series, we explore deeper into Teyvat, and how it relates to our real life.
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Sometimes we are too caught up with everything and we just forget to take care of ourselves. From first world problem to surviving the rat race, I can't deny that we are in a materialistic world and sometimes money is (indeed) more important than happiness as the we take up more responsibility.
- Make time for leisure
- Be okay with failure and make the best out of it
- Really really get to it
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A collaboration with Rye of the Bat, I decided to share my own life story of getting the courage to eventually getting a one way ticket of Singapore, to eventually seeing the world. In today's society, backpacking without any purpose is never really accepted, but he didn't let that stop him from dreaming and experiencing the world. Here's one bonus episode to all the dreamers!
A great thank you to Sunny, Kuru and E for giving me a chance and allowing me to have this bonus behind the scene recording.
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It was a recording well after I finished my 1 year worth of MAP (Realtor's training program) now, and looking back I found myself still on the journey of recovery still. It was a tough journey as I went beyond rock bottom from the accident.
It was hard working my way up from there, as my physical condition limits me tons of things. I spent most days at home, trying to get better, taking medication, and going to physiotherapy. I need someone to push or help me as I cannot even walk independently.
Going back to working with an injury is tough, as I met prospects who gave me weird stares mixed with bewilderment and sympathy. Some avoid me, and some break me.
It was perhaps a final reminder about my lack of self-love, about how I allow people to take advantage of me and it'll always happen. I'd taken a detour, embarking on more passion projects of content creation, where I started streaming and doing podcasts. And eventually, I started Roncasa; my real estate writing site in my very own flavour and personality.
Healing isn't easy, but giving up is.
Lets be stronger.
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After our pilot sequence, we decided to keep this segment as part of our react staples as we dive deeper into the rabbit hole of "Am I the Asshole".
Some burning question in this episode includes, should we have children? should we allow our parents to dictate if we should have one? What's your take on friendship reconnecting? So what's showing off, and what's being privileged? Is it okay to sit back if we cannot afford certain things; like a vacation? Family members making you take loans to go on vacation, is it vakay or vanay? Being accused in the workplace? and lasting, how should one react to weird phone calls? Click play to find out! :D
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After seeing my physiotherapist and after working out, I realize that I have been working out way too comfortable and I having been pushing myself. Sometimes we do need to make a conscious effort to keep putting ourselves out of our comfort zone; to see and adapt to new comfort zone. Other than that I decided to share 3 things that I'd learn from pushing myself further each time.
Sometimes it's not just about showing up, but it's about showing up and making it count.
1) Keep seeking new comfort levels to conquer
2) We have to do the difficult stuff
3) Be patience and take the small wins
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Collab Reacts is here to drop our pilot episode of reading Am I the Asshole. In this episode, I'm here to catch up with Chilli where we will be planning to react to some controversial social content in the digital world. Are you an insensitive friend? What would you do if you received a gift you don't want? Do we have rights to unrealistic standards? Would you feel out of place if you were the last to join a friend group? Flakey friends?
In this episode of Rye of Collab, we would answer them all!
(Potentially renaming it to Rye of React; as a different spin off)
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I heard this while I was talking to a tenant during a visit to my landlord's property and we started having more than just a chat; we started having conversations and exchanging life stories. It was something that hits me, as I really begin to dig deeper about how I may have let the world shape me, through mostly experience, especially unpleasant ones which made me more cynical.
Perhaps I was jaded, perhaps it was all in the name of defense/coping mechanism. I began to dig deeper on about how we can keep remembering and live by this mantra and how we can eventually work towards the better versions of ourselves and change the world.
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In this episode of the book club reads in our Rye off Collab series, we have 6 fellow bookworms here to discuss our mid-year reads; The Last Encore by Julia Butler. An erotic literature that was messy but spends the last hundred pages untying the knots, the Last Encore is something that catches you off guard for bizarre reasons.
We decided to tackle this book as they cover certain sexualized taboos together with certain questions about the complexity of life together with certain eye-opening historical elements that are definitely worth a read.
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I decided to make this an episode after hearing from a friend that we should just accept things as it is and I feel the opposite way, hence the need for an outlet. Being a victim of bullying, I know silence doesn't empower nor it does help us to cope in the long run. Sometimes we have to voice out what's ok and what's not.
By having the courage to form a clear and active conversation, we are able to create a more wholesome community that allows us to thrive, reason, and move forward. Moreover, because the community needs more voice and unity than ever, I feel that all the more they should be heard. We need more awareness of the differences of the world; from sexuality to mental health, we need to seek towards being more accepting and embracing each and everyone and their uniqueness.
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Today we have Lycando and Chilli with us, as we dive into the hero cinematic universe, starting with Marvel! Most of us have a passion for Marvel, ever since the success of ironman, they really literally did take off; from a dying comic company to now a huge studio that has to join the likes of mainstream movie pop culture.
It was the story of Marvel and iron man 1, that really got me into Marvel, as we shared about what we think of the marvel formula, our thoughts on different phases and also other movies as well from there, to DC and also how other adaptation companies (like CW) as well. It was nice to have conversations with like-minded nerds, sharing our love for films, so come join us if you like!
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I decided to do an episode to discuss the side effects of Sertraline. Dealing with side effects isn't always the smoothest as I have to struggle to function, get work done and also create a lot of disruption in my life.
- Weight Gain
- Hectic Sleeping Schedule
- Personality Change
I would also be sharing a bit more on how I am currently dealing with these side effects. With this episode, I wish to raise more mental health awareness and to shed more light in regards to using medication for depression.
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In this episode of Rye off Collab, I hung out with Lycando where we discuss and talk about Singapore Literature. We came across this impressive book by Leonora Liow, titled Moth Stories. We discussed each and every story in the chapter, offering our point of view, sharing how we relate to each of them, and sometimes going a little person.
I like how each character are so uniquely different that it offers a fresh new perspective with each different chapters, with each page bringing in a breath of fresh air.
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Showing up.
That's what everyone said when we embark on our first step of having habits. Habits have been proven to be so much more useful in the long run, as we could learn so much and grow from these seemingly trivial daily task of repetition. However with habits comes discipline, and many more. And since I'm on the journey to work on being better, more consciously I decided to tackle this and try be better.
I'll be sharing 3 things that works for me:
- Showing Up
- Creating Time (or Habit) Blocks
- Planning ahead
I'm no saint as I still succumbed to distractions and bad habits, but what matters is that we try... right?
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Happiness is always a conscious thing, and recently I am alittle more responsible in trying to be happy. Yes, trying to be happy, for happiness is not difficult and it just needs work. Sometimes we do have to work on ourselves to be happy, and there's nothing wrong with that.
I'll like to share 3 steps that I'd found useful for me:
- Write it down
- Don't be too hard on yourself
- Journal
Never forget to take care of yourself and your mental health <3
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We're always made to stay in our comfort zone. From preferring the sheets to hitting the gym, and choosing our favourite snacks to eating healthy greens, our brains are always wired for instant gratification.
But sometimes we do have to take control of our mind with awareness ourselves to bring ourselves onto a more enriching and fulfilling journey through learning and growth to become better versions of ourselves.
I finally decided to face my anxiety, and my low self-esteem and to force myself to start learning a new system of video content creation. This would be the time where I would kickstart my humble YouTube journey and I'm happy to share them with you here.
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In this episode of our collab series, we discussed both the film and the book, Never let me go. We didn't exactly manage to get a lot in the book club to finish the book, hence we decided to join this with the film itself instead. Diving deep into the universe and concept; what is considered ethical and what is not? Does the line gets blurred over time when humans just want to survive?
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I just ended my first therapy session, In this episode I'll like to share what I'd learn and how I felt after visiting my psychologist as he is currently helping me to deal with PTSD. Let's not forget to be kind to ourselves.
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Currently named as Rye off Collab, is a special spin off series that takes the same art direction as Rye off the Bat; doing one take, unscripted podcast, only that in Rye off Collab, we have afew more other brains crunching ideas with us. For Rye off Collabs are usually 2 part recording, so they would be uploaded on Wednesday and Sunday of the week. Rye off the Bat will still continue to be scheduled to upload every Wednesday.
In this impromptu session of our media review special, Myo hopped on after finishing Everything Everywhere all At Once, and we dabbled deeper into film generically itself, verse jumping from Marvel, DC to the likes of superhero movies, back to EEAAO, not forgetting Cats, and amongst many Human Centipede.
This Bonus episode seem to have focus more on the latest Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore, where being fellow Potterheads we seem to share a similar spell of disappointment. Little did we know that muggles could conjure the disapparition spell in the theatre, but I do still at the end of the day still wants the best and I very much love the franchise (I used to run a community discord for Ravenclaw).
We ended with alittle road map and discussion for possible future session, where we would like to discuss more about books and films as this have proven to be amazing outlets for us to express and share our afterthoughts.
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Currently named as Rye off Collab, is a special spin off series that takes the same art direction as Rye off the Bat; doing one take, unscripted podcast, only that in Rye off Collab, we have afew more other brains crunching ideas with us. For Rye off Collabs are usually 2 part recording, so they would be uploaded on Wednesday and Sunday of the week. Rye off the Bat will still continue to be scheduled to upload every Wednesday.
In this impromptu session of our media review special, we have Lycando; a movie buff friend of mine who shares the same passion if not more (definitely more), in movies and films as me.
Lycando actually was the one who reminded me of Everywhere Everything All at Once (EEAAO), and that spiraled me into a huge rabbit hole where (I'll post my own review up on the following Sunday).
Spoilers alert! We would be discussing about the film, touching alittle on all about the characters, and how the movie made all of us feel. Personally I embraced the darker parts of the film, while Lycando have a very technical take, which makes our review compliment each other with some light laughs here and there. Come join us and I hope you enjoyed this movie!
This would eventually be a 2 episode special where Myo would be coming on board after (she went off to watch it while she knew we were recording this, and we catch up after that)
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Currently named as Rye off Collab, is a special spin off series that takes the same art direction as Rye off the Bat; doing one take, unscripted podcast, only that in Rye off Collab, we have afew more other brains crunching ideas with us. For Rye off Collabs are usually 2 part recording, so they would be uploaded on Wednesday and Sunday of the week. Rye off the Bat will still continue to be scheduled to upload every Wednesday.
In part 2 of the 3rd episode, we discuss further about being taken advantage of kindness and people who makes us feel less of who we are. Energy Vampires; a term that was introduced to me in the recent years. So together we also have Rosie, Trix, and Squishat who joined us alongside with Chilli and Sugoi, making this our largest 6-person panel podcast so far.
We also talks about the trauma and how it changes us after our encounters, leaving us emotional baggage. So how do we deal with it? And how do we unpack and get this mess sorted out after? How can we heal ourselves when the person who hurt us left feeling so much less, drained, and worse; changed.
Come join us as we unpack these together.
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Currently named as Rye off Collab, is a special spin off series that takes the same art direction as Rye off the Bat; doing one take, unscripted podcast, only that in Rye off Collab, we have afew more other brains crunching ideas with us. For Rye off Collabs are usually 2 part recording, so they would be uploaded on Wednesday and Sunday of the week. Rye off the Bat will still continue to be scheduled to upload every Wednesday.
In this special episode, we have Chilli and Sugoi, who'd be discussing about what's a friend to us? There are some personal things that happened to me that made me think about whether someone is worth my time or being uncomfortable for. So what makes a friend to you? And how much should you give, before you take... off?
Sometimes we have to remember to be kind to ourselves, and not let others who takes advantage of kindness to make us feel less of us.
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I recently got down with covid and I spent some time thinking about things, all in all taking a break and wonder about what should I do with my life
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Currently named as Rye off Collab, is a special spin-off series that takes the same art direction as Rye off the Bat; doing one take, unscripted podcast, only that in Rye off Collab, we have afew more other brains crunching ideas with us. For Rye off Collabs are usually 2-part recording, so they would be uploaded on Wednesday and Sunday of the week. Rye off the Bat will still continue to be scheduled to upload every Wednesday.
In the part 2 of the episode, we have Derf who hopped on to join us on this crazy journey at 4am when we decided to unpack one of the most commonly asked yet unanswered questions in our life; What is happiness? It was more than we can unpack definitely, but we do emerge better, smarter, stronger, and more determined to work our way towards happiness. We discuss about how we conceptualise happiness, and we even gave it a little touch of Genshin Impact.
This part of the podcast do contain a lot of non-sponsored Genshin Impact Advertisement as we discuss about how Genshin can be bizarrely applied to the concept of life. From constellation, talents, it's for us to find out.
To non-genshin players, I hope you still are able to find this podcast relevant as we talked about how can we try to be happier, the mindset and perspective between all of us and some valuable takeaways at the very end.
And may us find happiness, beyond the lands of Teyvat.
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Currently named as Rye off Collab, is a special spin off series that takes the same art direction as Rye off the Bat; doing one take, unscripted podcast, only that in Rye off Collab, we have afew more other brains crunching ideas with us. For Rye off Collabs are usually 2 part recording, so they would be uploaded on Wednesday and Sunday of the week. Rye off the Bat will still continue to be scheduled to upload every Wednesday.
In this special episode, we have Chilli and Sugoi, who'd be discussing and talking about work life balance. Since I'm working without designated hours, I decided to have 2 different person for extra perspective; as Chilli is an Asian with working schedule of other time zones, while Sugoi is a student. We share ideas about finding balance between work and life, how do we maintain boundaries with coworker? What's okay? How should we plan our life around our work?
These are some questions that we would like to dig deeper on this episode of podcast.
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This is something that I feel very relevant to us, we can delay things, re push things back, we do everything we can to not do things today, but the end is inevitable. We eventually need to face things, to do things. It's a mantra that's been keeping me together, as I started confronting more things out of my comfort zone.
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In this episode, I would share more about how I grow to love more of my job - by doing what I love most while I'm traveling: content creation. So I'm really excited to have found this new angle to not just be a better realtor, but to also provide value to my prospect and clients as well. I'll venture forward to be stronger and better, and also to be a better version of myself. So sometimes we might need to just be in tune with our innermost self to bring some purpose and fulfillment to our job, and it all starts from the inside.
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This was my mantra that I'd like to share as it hits me when I first used it a while back. Our mind always wants to put us back in our comfort zone, setting us back for the safety of staying alive as long as possible, and it is because of that we tend to laze around.
It's always a challenge when it's mind over mind, with our vision and courage to make changes over comfort. It's never easy to keep pushing ourselves forward, why not when we only have 1 life to lose?
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I don’t know what I actually talked about here and hearing my own voice is cringe so I’m just gonna put it out here… as a reminder to not drink so much
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The second part of the podcast got us taking this question on what’s happiness to us. Are happiness supposed to be abstract or is everything wrong. Does conformity function as part of happiness too? Join us as we dig deeper in this part 2 of our session!
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In this first 2-part collab episode, Chilli and I was talking about finding ourselves, bullying and making peace. We started by talking about traveling at first, before touching on friends, and also moving towards getting a bit more vulnerable. It was a beautiful first episode as I didn't expect ourselves to have such great chemistry without a brief and prompt. It was an interesting episode as we manage to pull off "rye off the bat", as we retain the authenticity of the content while maintaining the same art direction as my other episode.
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My future used to be bleak, I spent most of my time hanging out, travelling, and there is so much that I have given up for freedom and travel. However, the realism of growing up hits when I start taking more responsibility for things, from being a more filial child to a better leader, I'm hopeful for the future today.
And it's a nice take to be hopeful and to be able to count our blessings.
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This is a 2 part episode where I'd like to address my late posting. I'd been caught up with life, adulting just hits and it was quite hard to let go of what I used to do; especially hanging out and streaming. But then again sometimes we also do have to look at what we stand to gain from letting things go.
I'd gain a lot more insight as a working realtor, and it also allows me to be more focused on growing my resources to go after my dream.
Growth comes with letting things go, and sometimes letting go is not a bad thing afterall
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I noticed that the newer and newer generations are more prone to complaining instead of how the previous era of hustler who clenched their fist and keep going. As much as now we are more expressive and individualistic is this a better thing now that we started to flag out ever red flag and stop confronting our demons? Sometimes it does allow us to hide behind mental health as an excuse but how can we look at this blurry boundaries now?
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This is a feeling I mostly have when I'm hustling, or when I'm embarking on things that I'm passionate for. As I'd been seeing my friends getting married, having kids, owning a house and here I still running after my passion, creating content, gaming, traveling and creating art.
However, sometimes defying meta and conformation is not that lonely after all, or rather, it is meant to be "this lonely". All we need is a little courage to own our own narrative and journey, and what's waiting for us out there is definitely the better, stronger versions of ourselves.
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"If Only".
A phase of convenience, of excuse, of hoping to shape the world where everything goes our way. It is also this sad phase that made us unwilling to work for things. This hope of a silver lining gives us a reason to wait out for things that might even happen, or even the absurdity of all criteria to align like stars that are never meant to cross.
In this episode, I'd like to talk about how we (or rather, I), use this phase so often to push things off, to not work on it and just to... simply, wait. And how I should stop waiting and start living.
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Recently I'd been up to alot of work; drowning in them infact. I have lost so much time for myself, from gaming or leisure time, I find myself stepping into the life of a workaholic. It makes it worse when my work can get very result base when it comes to sales.
However, all is not lost as I find myself embracing more responsibilities, from paying more and helping out my family, to using the capital as resources to further grow my passion project which I didn't have.
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It’s an interesting day today as I dive through a realm of emotions. From putting myself back out there to work, finding motivation amongst my depression and having courage to confront things that’s been holding me back. This episode of podcast is about facing what we eventually have to face; stuff that we can never run away from.
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We have weird ways to find and define happiness. From distractions to projecting our emotions and attention, we sometimes never ever look inwards. Do we hate what we find inside? Or we simply think that happiness is from the outside but not in?
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We wont know when it hits us. We puts off things, we wait for the stars align and that eclipse that might never come. We are left with regrets bitter after thoughts and what if’s. Sometimes we just have to take a step back and set a structure to just keep going.
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I'm so grateful that our book club has finally taken flight and we are now on our first ever read together session! Finished this book and decided to try doing a one-take review and afterthought on this piece of work. A work of thriller that kept me on the edge, I'm glad to have tried out this book that gave me more takeaway than the stories and narratives itself as I embark on a journey of self-discovery while I question the sophistication of our human language. Are we not evolved enough to express ourselves? or are we simply just living behind a mask? Who are we and what do we actually know? Humans are such complex creatures and when it comes to narrative, how much of it do we think we have control over and how much do we actually manipulate, be it the truth or the omission. As a murderer, how do they balance on the scales of letting the world know of their crimes but not actually getting caught?
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Little did I know that my eyes would lit up that brightly from a call with my boss, decided to record this episode right after the phone call and I feel so excited to have find that we have the same pages for some of our dreams and goals.
If you'd have to know Eugene is also a fellow wanderlust, backpacker and traveler which made me jump on board in the first place, and I'm glad that his little side project have woken up the dreamer in me.
So back to passion; I feel that there's so much to explore in this episode, as I talked about things I like and dislike, my strength and weaknesses within each task, and understanding them, being aware, and noting down what makes us glow.
Here's to growing towards our better selves!
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Sharing my experience of taking medication for my mental health issue. I’d taken several mood boosters but this time I’m taking Setraline; an SSRI
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Sharing my experience when I revisit a psychiatrist again and decided to seek help for my depression, anxiety and PTSD. I hope by sharing I could inspire more people to start more conversation about mental health.
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Digging deeper on how I should sometimes think more inward and individualistic instead of more collective. It is hard to always hold up or wait for others or things to happen. Sometimes we have to fight for things ourselves.
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A thought journey about how our choices ultimately affects and bring us to places, no matter how minimal they might seem, it all eventually adds up
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Asking myself what I want, things I would love to work for and putting in some thoughts to come out with ideas to work towards it.
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Digging alittle deeper into Giddens Ko (九把刀)‘s Yue Lao (月老) movie, and how some characters are so perfectly flawed get flawly perfect.
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A rye off the bat poetry performance where I recite whispers from my heart literally right off in one take, as I dig deep and asked myself what is love. Hope you enjoy this work.
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Digging deeper into my twitch journey, aside from the superficial race to rip our numbers but it is the people behind the numbers that counts, and they are something that numbers could never buy.
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A very different angle, but sometimes we do have to know that we are not enough, and not just us, perhaps they are also not enough. The world is just so huge, our dreams even bigger and what’s out there is so much more than just another person, another soul or another whisper.
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This episode talks about my tendency to expect people to like me when I share my deepest darkest secret, the things that broke me, my insides, me being real. I'd thought if someone make it that far with me, that person probably "like" me more than the average person. But sometimes I was wrong; and most of the time it happens when I put them on the pedestal, making it easy for me to tell them things, somewhat.
At the end of the day, it's all about self-love, loving yourself so that you won't find yourself clinging onto anyone who loves you, even remotely.
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I’ll like to take this episode to talk about how I view the concept of creators and consumers; about how each cannot exist without the other. There are so much to discuss, from how we can consume and get inspired to create and create to inspired people to create more. The possibility of the world is endless, if we are looking at the right place. There are also some less obvious creations, from creators of values and services, to how our parents are our literal creators. This episode serves as a prompt for you to think about what you eventually want to create.
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An episode that came out in the midst of my doing housework, about how we tend to focus on what “good life” people have, about the “hardships” they don’t have to endure that we have to. We like to focus on other people, but we should actually focus on what we have to do. It felt like we are running on race tracks but our eyes are not looking out for us; but at someone else.
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An audio letter to my future self from the past; we are at the last lap of the year now, with December coming up next, there’s only one more month left to make the best out of 2021. A little motivational speech that comes with a touch of vulnerability to make myself a better person.
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In this episode I’ll explore my concept of “filler episodes” in which represents activities or days that are just simply as literal as it is; without anything that would push me as a character forward. The tendency to procrastinate, to seek distraction and to stay in our comfort zone would always be there. And we have to make conscious effort to bring ourselves out of them.
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Exploring the feeling of my tendency to rely or even over dependent on another person. This episode explores yet another part of my vulnerability; and how I grew up not feeling that I belong, constantly telling myself people would eventually leave.
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I’ll like to take this episode to talk about several issues that I identify that may be problematic with me for holding out for the wrong person. From thinking that she would change to fitting her in my narrative, I have the tendency to be selfish yet selfless in an emotionally unhealthy way that is bad for my mental health. This is yet another triggering episode as I dig deeper inward my heart.
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This is a short episode to tell myself because I was having an anxiety attack for talking about too much about my personal stuff. It’s suffocating to have people listening live, voices of them judging you and seeing some commentary that can be very opinionated. I took a step back and decided to ground myself with this one.
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Similar to not holding onto your friends, some times we shouldn’t hold onto things too tight; or get too attach to people. Sometimes the wrong person won’t stay too long in your life and the right person won’t leave. The Universe would have their strange ways of guiding you, showing you the way of being a better person… for yourself.
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Decided to react and read out this poetry that I’d concocted awhile ago. It was before Warwick’s first rework. It’s interesting to see how Warwick changed over the course of time, to something really different from Zaun to eventually potentially the loving father figure from Netflix’s Arcane; Vander. I’ll also briefly share abit on the other league of legends related works that I’d written across my time. Maybe sometimes it’s nice to create game related contents? A lighter poetry juxtaposing my trigger warning guitar poetry.
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In this special episode I decided to do a one take free style poetry, talking about what I feel, singing perhaps what brings me here. The winds of depression, mental health how I slog through life with the different baggages not being able to find wholesome with the whole insecurities and self hatred. I want to be strong, and thus… I sang. It took me a long time before deciding to post this, I’m always conscious. But I guess we never know until we do. And I feel… why not? A leap of faith could sometimes… land you into happiness.
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In this episode, I’ll look at and discuss my toxic patterns of my tendency to be in love, loving the wrong person but as funny as fate would allow; them being life changing. It’s funny to see how all the girls in my collective made their mark this way, and have been proven by the stars. I’ll also discuss and dig deeper into my roots of doing so.
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In this round of writing reacts, I decided for read, react and share more stories about how I craft the personality behind Jeju for my Her collective; where I personify cities I’d been. Here I’ll be sharing the portion of the truth, where each part came from and the little easter eggs of my experiences when I’m traveling.
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Diving deeper with my experience using the Pattern as I discovered some shocking revelations about my bond and the concept of how I see love. I’d a tendency of falling in love with a certain type, and how it affects me and my mental health.
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Reacting to one of my unpublished writing that was praised by my editor back then. It was a philosophical piece of a whimsical fairy tale theme that’s inspired by the planetary theory of the Little Prince. Here I met a captain that leaves me with a lesson that’s worth more than a thousand gold.
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I felt that this is what I always do; when I have lists of things or a bunch of things that I have to do but it didn’t even get to the point of defining it, I just dump all of them into this mental box. It makes me puts off things, and worse; I’m not living my life. I finally decided to unpack this mess today and share my process of doing so.
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Sharing my tendencies to put people I like on pedestals, setting up myself to allow them to score easy brownie points and not being able to critically assess or audit our relationship as a result
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Taking this episode to talk about why I would conform in social settings/group, and how it is getting in my way of living a more fulfilling life that way. From the fear of being alone to thinking that we won’t find a better fit, I tend to exhibit tendencies to stick with social groups or people who might not a great fit for my lifestyle or even mental health.
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A misadventure lead me to Paper Towns by John Green that eventually made its way to me heart to being my favourite book. It felt almost anxious and uncomfortable to talk about it. It eventually shaped the “romantic” in me and possibly encouraged or cultivate the hero complexes that I have. And I fell in love with looking for Margo.
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Touching slightly into my behaviour regression tendencies online, how I somewhat recreate a third personality that creates more disharmony than not. Feeling lost amongst your different personality and eventually finding a fit.
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Exploring the roots of why I grow up to be such a people pleaser, form childhood trauma to fear of loneliness and wanting people to like me, I venture into some uncomfortable parts of my insides for some answers
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Diving into the reasons why I may had say sorry alittle too much, but letting go, by seeming bowing to most situation, this links further into my self hatred or childhood trauma
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It’s something that I thought of and I wanted to write about; humans and their fleeting wants. From material possessions to temporarily relief/pleasure, I feel that we might not be thinking as critically as we should nor we are being kind to ourselves. I feel that we suffer from making decisions based on short term needs and wants instead of something long term instead.
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Growing up, losing friends that I didn’t expect to, getting outcasted from my main group of friends, I lost so much but I’d gain a lot as well. And this lesson only taught me to cherish the friends who are here but don’t hold onto to tight as people come and go…
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This is a very much delayed gratitude video. But during my accident this is the thing that gave me a lot of hope and strength to live; my family. Even though I can feel very distant with them, or sometimes I could feel very little due to my lack of self love, but they’ll always be the people to at I’m thankful for. And I’d like to delicate this podcast episode to them.
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I haven’t been in the best mental headspace lately and I’d like to think that it’s due to my environment and my inability to function in such environment due to the lack of empathy or understanding of mental health. Well I feel it’s no ones fault of cause, it’s just us being different people. Mental health is a tricky thing, and we owe it to ourselves to do whatever we can to keep living; be it distractions or extracting ourselves from the space.
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Feelingg empty, after reading this really manga, which I had finally completed. And I guess, no matter what, life goes on, as long as we’re alive.
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Sinking deeper should be a better word as I struggle with PTSD and trying to hang onto my distraction to stay sane. I made the best out of it and eventually created a website! Well I guess?
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Even though this seems like an issue in a number of INFJ, I have not just the saviour complex where I feel the need to passionately help people, sometimes alittle too much, leaving me burnt out without time for myself. Have no a conversation on why I exhibits such traits and also if there’s such thing as a reverse saviour/hero/rescue complex where I yearn to be saved as well. I hope this can shed some light to not just the INFJ but also everyone around the world who is struggling with this issue (mostly possibly) due to our mental health.
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Here’s a lighter episode as I went back to read and react to one of my writing collective that was really cathartic to me. Writing letters to the girls whom I’d loved and disappeared, I decided to bid them farewell through writings as I don’t want to hold only them anymore. Sometimes opening our hearts and setting us free could just takes us closer to happiness :)
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Trigger warning: contains self harm, violence and suicidal tendencies. Touching on the 2 media that I could relate my depression to, with one being a really depressing manga and another is an animation of a self sabotaging horseman who struggled with happiness. I find myself in these characters a lot and how real they could be, despite being fictional media contents.
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Talking about my issues with discipline and also a manga that I’m into lately, oyasumi punpun. My train of thoughts was abruptly cut off- I figured this may be very trigger warning, and decided to separates it.
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Recording this while running so pardon the sound quality. Talking about finding your own voice, what makes you special, here’s to self improvement: every step we take is something, take all the small win we can
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Talking about how I try to pursue my passion, sticking to my belief despite being a sales person. To be someone who’s more selfless in giving, appreciating people who appreciates me.
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An episode where I shared about my panic attack episodes, living with anxiety disorder, and also the outlets that I eventually turn to that made me feel better.
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I’d like to talk about the distractions that I have during depression, and in this case I have been and am guilty of hiding in the discord server. I will be sharing how I would be addressing my depression and how do I move towards snapping out of this… into a better person.
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My struggles with connecting with people and opening up during my depression phase. Addressing my past trauma and things that fuel my self hatred and broke my self esteem.
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A dive into memory lane, talking about my discord server and how it all came about. Thankful for this community being here for me and taking care of my mental health. A family and support system who’s here for me 💓
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A backlog, as I have missed out posting. Talking about my downward spiral of depression. Feelings, self hatred, and and never ending self blame. Also trying to make it though this seemingly never ending tunnel
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This is my first running podcast, was recording while I was running so audio quality might be pretty bad, but it gets better after afew minutes! Talked about my year as a whole, how I’m trying to be better after relapse, improving myself, saying no to the wrong things and yes to the right things.
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Discussing what made me different, and how I’ll be creating content as a realtor to add value to my clients. I also talked about how I am going with a more unfiltered personality compared to a personal facade and my thoughts on that. Website: rawrnie.com
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It’s hard to want to be alive sometimes, but at the same time it is amazing to feel alive. It’s something that I struggle with sometimes and also my issues with loneliness. I believe most of us love to be heard, and this is probably what pushes me to start my podcast.
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Sharing how insomnia is like for me, thoughts about seeking professional help or medication. How I was once very anxious during insomnia. I hope this episode gives you more insights on how insomnia feels like (:
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I’m alittle anxious while I started uploading my works to queued up, a very raw expression about what made me felt that I’m ready this time round even though I’d always been afraid.
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An introduction to right of the bat, some thought process, and eventually to getting the podcast up
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