Life's Dirty Little Secrets: Recent Episodes
Christopher McCurry & Emma Waddington
It seems we’re always comparing “our insides to other people’s outsides” and feeling alone in in our struggles. You are not alone. Join psychologists Emma Waddington and Chris McCurry in conversations about life’s little talked about, but all too common, challenges to being the person we aspire to be. Each episode will bring insights, humor, and compassion to this awesome job of being human.
Recommended Episodes* Secret #65: The Self-Help Paradox with Joe Oliver * Secret #79: Fierce Compassion with Dr. Dennis Tirch * Secret #73: Confidence with Michael Herold
What conversations are we avoiding that could change the way we live, connect, and care for one another?
Recorded live from the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science (ACBS) World Conference in Lyon, France, Emma and Chris invite several respected leaders in psychology to answer one deceptively simple question: What conversations should we be having that we're not having enough? The result is a collection of thoughtful reflections that stretch far beyond psychotherapy and into everyday life.
Tom Szabo explores how we can better train clinicians to create meaningful change instead of relying on self-report. Niklas Törneke wonders whether there are universal qualities of conversations, poems, and experiences that transform people regardless of where they occur. Rikke Kjelgaard reflects on authenticity, kindness, and our tendency to rush in and fix one another instead of simply being present. Kelly Wilson closes with a powerful challenge to our modern obsession with efficiency, inviting us to ask a question we rarely consider: Efficient for what?
This special episode is an invitation to slow down, become curious, and reflect on the conversations that may matter most.
Key Takeaways The conversations we avoid often reveal what matters most. * Better clinician training requires observing behavior, not just self-report. * Meaningful change can happen through therapy, art, nature, or everyday conversation. * Authenticity requires making space for vulnerability instead of rushing to fix it. * Kindness often looks like simply staying present with another person's pain. * The modern attention economy rewards outrage more than hope. * Before optimizing everything, we should ask: Efficient for what?*
View Extended shownotes here
- ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
- ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
- ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
Recommended Episodes* Secret #80: The Anxiety Advantage with Dr. Tracy Dennis-Tiwary * Secret #77: The Paradox of the Overwhelmed with Kerry Makin-Byrd * Secret #50: Happy High Achievers with Dr. Mary Anderson
Why does becoming a parent make us so anxious?
For many parents, anxiety begins the moment a child is born and never truly disappears. Every milestone, school trip, sleepover, driver's license, and overseas adventure can trigger a flood of "what if" thoughts that invite us to protect, rescue, or accommodate our children. But are those instincts always helping?
Chris and Emma welcome anxiety educator and bestselling author Dr. Jodi Richardson for a thoughtful conversation about the relationship between parent anxiety and child resilience. Together, they explore why anxiety is a normal part of caring deeply, how avoidance unintentionally strengthens anxiety, and why some of the most loving parenting moments require us to tolerate our own discomfort instead of eliminating our child's.
Drawing on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), personal parenting stories, and decades of experience supporting anxious families, Dr. Richardson offers practical guidance for helping children develop confidence, independence, and resilience while also teaching parents how to respond wisely to their own anxious minds.
Key Takeaways* Anxiety is a normal consequence of caring deeply about our children. * Parent anxiety does not automatically create anxious children. * Avoidance makes anxiety stronger for both parents and children. * Small challenges build lifelong resilience. * Parents often need to manage their own discomfort before rescuing their children. * Independence develops through age-appropriate opportunities to struggle. * Supporting children is different from protecting them from every uncomfortable experience.
View extended shownotes here
- ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
- ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
- ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
Recommended Episodes* Secret #80: The Anxiety Advantage with Dr. Tracy Dennis-Tiwary * Secret #65: The Self-Help Paradox with Joe Oliver * Secret #79: Fierce Compassion with Dr. Dennis Tirch
Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves to sleep?
From sleep trackers and wellness trends to headlines warning us about the dangers of poor sleep, many of us have come to believe that sleep is something we should be able to control. But according to behavioral sleep medicine expert Dr. Sue McCurry, that's one of the biggest myths about sleep.
Chris and Emma sit down with Dr. McCurry to explore what actually drives healthy sleep, why waking up during the night isn't always a problem, and how anxiety about sleep often becomes the very thing that keeps us awake. They discuss the history of human sleep, common misconceptions about insomnia, the science behind Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I), and practical ways to create the conditions for better rest without trying to force it.
Whether you're struggling with insomnia, navigating menopause, parenting young children, or simply wondering if you're getting enough sleep, this episode offers a reassuring and evidence-based perspective that may completely change the way you think about sleep.
Key Takeaways* Sleep cannot be forced, only supported. * Waking during the night is more common than many people realize. * Anxiety about sleep often becomes the biggest barrier to sleeping well. * Consistency is more important than chasing a perfect number of hours. * Sleep trackers can sometimes increase stress rather than improve sleep. * Good sleepers still have occasional bad nights. * CBT-I focuses on changing habits, thoughts, and behaviors rather than forcing sleep.
View extended shownotes here
- ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
- ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
- ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
Recommended Episodes
- Secret #72: Transforming Guilt and Shame with Carolyn Allard
- Secret #79: Fierce Compassion with Dr. Dennis Tirch
- Secret #65: The Self-Help Paradox with Joe Oliver
Why are we so much harsher with ourselves than we are with the people we love?
In this episode, Holly Yates and Shawn Costello-Whooley join Chris and Emma to explore the powerful role of the inner critic. Together, they unpack where self-critical thoughts come from, why they often masquerade as protection, and how they can quietly shape our relationships, confidence, and sense of self-worth.
Drawing from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), compassion-focused approaches, and their new book The Inner Critic Workbook, Holly and Shawn explain how self-criticism often develops as an attempt to keep us safe, connected, and accepted. The conversation explores shame, belonging, perfectionism, social comparison, parenting, and the courage required to respond to ourselves with kindness rather than cruelty.
This episode offers practical tools for recognizing your inner critic, understanding its function, and developing a healthier relationship with the thoughts that tell you you're not enough.
Key Takeaways
- The inner critic often develops as a misguided attempt to protect us.
- Shame thrives in secrecy and disconnection.
- Self-compassion is not self-indulgence or letting yourself off the hook.
- Values can help distinguish between a helpful coach and a harmful critic.
- Responding is different from reacting.
- Connection is one of the most powerful antidotes to shame.
- We can learn to relate differently to self-critical thoughts without eliminating them.
View extended shownotes here
- ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
- ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
- ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
Recommended Episodes
- Secret #12: Imposter Syndrome with Dr. Jill Stoddard
- Secret #73: Confidence with Michael Herold
- Secret #80: The Anxiety Advantage with Dr. Tracy Dennis-Tiwary
Why is asking for help so hard?
For many people, needing support feels like failure. Whether it's therapy, medication, weight loss surgery, or asking others for assistance, we often carry the belief that we should be able to do everything on our own.
In this candid conversation, Dr. Jill Stoddard shares her lifelong struggle with body image, dieting, and shame. She discusses the decision to pursue weight loss surgery, the judgment she faced afterward, and why society often labels support as "cheating."
Together, Chris, Emma, and Jill unpack the complicated intersection of weight, identity, appearance, values, and cultural expectations. They explore the role of uncertainty, discomfort, self-compassion, and psychological flexibility in creating lasting change.
Ultimately, this conversation isn't really about weight loss—it's about giving ourselves permission to ask for help, challenge shame, and pursue the life we want without needing anyone else's approval.
Key Takeaways
- Asking for help is not weakness—it is often wisdom.
- Weight loss tools, medications, and surgery are not "cheating."
- Shame often drives unhealthy relationships with food and body image.
- Values provide a more sustainable path than willpower alone.
- Learning to tolerate discomfort is essential for long-term change.
- The goal isn't perfection—it's psychological flexibility.
- We can support others without judging the choices they make for their bodies.
View extended shownotes here
- ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
- ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
- ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
Recommended Episodes
- Secret #50: Happy High Achievers with Dr. Mary Anderson
- Secret #57: Conflict Resilience with Bob Bordone and Dr. Joel Salinas
- Secret #73: Confidence with Michael Herold
What if anxiety isn’t the enemy we think it is?
In this episode, Dr. Tracy Dennis-Tiwary challenges the modern belief that anxiety is something to eliminate, suppress, or “fix.” Instead, she reframes anxiety as an essential human emotion that helps us prepare for uncertainty, pursue meaningful goals, and navigate life with courage and hope.
Chris and Emma explore why we’ve become increasingly intolerant of discomfort, how avoidance fuels chronic anxiety, and why emotional resilience requires learning how to move through difficult feelings rather than around them. The conversation also explores parenting anxious children, performance anxiety in athletes, social support, and the powerful difference between fear and anxiety.
This episode offers a compassionate and practical framework for understanding anxiety differently and for building a healthier relationship with discomfort, uncertainty, and emotional struggle.
Key Takeaways
- Why anxiety is essential for growth and resilience
- The difference between fear and anxiety
- How avoidance fuels chronic anxiety
- Why emotional discomfort builds psychological flexibility
- How the “3Ls” framework helps manage anxiety
View extended shownotes here
- ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
- ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
- ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
Recommended Episodes:
- Secret #56: Spirituality with Dr. Matthieu Villatte
- Secret #65: The Self-Help Paradox with Joe Oliver
- Secret #72: Transforming Guilt and Shame with Carolyn Allard
What if compassion isn’t about being kind or soft, but about becoming stronger and more courageous?
In this episode, Dr. Dennis Tirch challenges common misconceptions about compassion and introduces a more powerful and grounded understanding. Compassion is not about avoiding discomfort or being agreeable. It is about developing the strength to face suffering, set boundaries, and act in alignment with what truly matters.
This conversation explores how compassion relates to fear, threat, and safety, and why it can be so difficult to embody in everyday life. From parenting and relationships to therapy and cultural divides, this episode offers a deeper, more honest look at what it really means to live with compassion.
Key Takeaways
- Why compassion is often misunderstood as weakness
- The connection between compassion, courage, and psychological flexibility
- How the threat system limits empathy and perspective-taking
- Why real compassion includes boundaries and strength
- How to train compassion through perspective-taking and awareness
View extended shownotes here
- ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
- ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
- ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
Recommended Episodes
- Secret #26: Victim Blame with Dr. Amy Beddows
- Secret #74: The Cost of Pretending with Jonathan Kanter
- Secret #72: Transforming Guilt and Shame with Carolyn Allard
Why are people drawn to horror, especially those who have experienced trauma?
In this episode, Dr. Amy Beddows explores the surprising connection between horror films and healing. What seems counterintuitive at first actually reveals something deeply human. Horror can provide language for the unspeakable, offer a sense of control, and create space to process experiences that are otherwise difficult to articulate.
This conversation challenges the stigma around horror and reframes it as a meaningful psychological and cultural tool. From catharsis and metaphor to social connection and survivor validation, this episode opens up a new way of understanding both trauma and the stories we tell about it.
Key Takeaways
- Why horror can help process trauma and difficult emotions
- How horror provides language for the unspeakable
- The role of metaphor and representation in healing
- Why horror can create validation for survivors
- How culture and society shape the horror we create
View extended shownotes here
- ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
- ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
- ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
Recommended Episodes
- Secret #76: Ageism
- Secret #75: Impossible Masculinity
- Secret #72: Transforming Guilt and Shame
Why does it feel like no matter how much we do, it’s never enough?
In this episode, Kerry Makin-Byrd breaks down the paradox of overwhelm and why so many of us feel stuck between doing too much and still feeling like we’re falling behind. We explore the difference between stress, burnout, and overwhelm, and why overwhelm isn’t just about having too much to do.
Kerry introduces a practical framework to navigate overwhelm in real time, helping us understand how our nervous system, environment, and expectations all contribute to feeling overloaded. This conversation is both deeply validating and immediately actionable for anyone feeling stretched too thin.
Key Takeaways
- What overwhelm actually feels like in the body and mind
- The difference between overwhelm, burnout, and stress
- Why burnout is often driven by systems not individuals
- How to soothe, transcend, and move through overwhelm
- Why doing more is often the trap that keeps us stuck
View extended shownotes here
- ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
- ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
- ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
Recommended Episodes
- Secret #72: Transforming Guilt and Shame
- Secret #74: The Cost of Pretending
- Secret #75: Impossible Masculinity
What if aging isn’t the problem—but our beliefs about aging are?
In this episode, we discuss ageism with Dr. Claudia Drossel. Together, we explore how aging is often misunderstood as decline, when in reality many of the challenges we associate with aging are shaped by cultural bias, environment, and access to support.
This conversation reframes aging as a form of diversity, challenges common myths about loneliness, health, and capability, and explores how our environments, relationships, and societal structures influence quality of life across the lifespan.
We also examine how subtle forms of ageism show up in everyday language, healthcare, and social systems—and what we can do to change them.
Key Takeaways
- Why ageism is one of the most overlooked forms of bias
- The difference between aging and disease
- How culture shapes our experience of getting older
- Why quality of relationships matters more than quantity
- How to create more inclusive, intergenerational communities
View extended shownotes here
- ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
- ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
- ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
Recommended Episodes
- Secret #73: The Confidence Paradox
- Secret #72: Transforming Guilt and Shame
- Secret #74: The Cost of Pretending
What does it actually mean to raise boys in a culture that both expects masculinity and criticizes it?
In this episode, journalist and author Ruth Whippman joins Chris McCurry and Emma Waddington to explore the pressures boys face in the age of “impossible masculinity.” Drawing from her book BoyMom, Ruth explains how cultural narratives about masculinity shape boys’ emotional lives, relationships, and sense of identity.
The conversation explores the surprising science of boys’ emotional development, the cultural contradictions boys must navigate today, and why many young men feel lost when it comes to friendship, vulnerability, and connection. Ruth also shares practical guidance for parents raising boys today and introduces her framework of curiosity, critical thinking, and connection.
Key Takeaways* Raising boys in the age of impossible masculinity * Why boys may be more emotionally vulnerable than we assume * How cultural stereotypes shape boys’ emotional lives * The importance of curiosity and connection when raising boys
View extended shownotes here
- ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
- ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
- ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
Recommended Episodes
- Secret #62: The Connection Paradox with James Cordova
- Secret #64: Moral Outrage with Kurt Gray
- Secret #70: So Many Paradoxes with Dr. Emma Waddington and Dr. Chris McCurry
Many of us are going about our daily lives while quietly feeling that something is deeply wrong in the world. We say we are fine. We scroll. We joke. We compartmentalize. And yet there is a sinking feeling that things are not normal.
In this conversation, Jonathan Kanter explores the disconnection paradox and the concept of hypernormalization. Why do we pretend everything is okay when it is not? When does normalcy protect us, and when does it shrink our lives? Together, we unpack avoidance, helplessness, activism, values, and what it means to pivot toward action without collapsing into hopelessness.
Topics Discussed:
- hypernormalization and pretending everything is fine
- emotional avoidance and shrinking behavioral repertoires
- accept, grieve, and pivot toward new goals
- values based action in times of social crisis
View extended shownotes here
- ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
- ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
- ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
Recommended Episodes:
- Secret #58: Raising a Self-Driven Child with Dr. William Stixrud & Ned Johnson
- Secret #61: Reimagining Anger with Russell Kolts
- Secret #70: So Many Paradoxes with Dr. Emma Waddington and Dr. Chris McCurry
Most people believe confidence is something you either have or don’t have. In this episode, confidence coach Michael Herold explains why confidence is actually built by doing hard things while anxiety is present — not after it disappears.
Key Takeaways
- confidence grows through action, not mindset
- anxiety signals what matters, not what must be avoided
- competence follows confidence, not the other way around
- values-based action builds real psychological flexibility
View extended shownotes here
- ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
- ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
- ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
Recommended Episodes
- Secret #5: Body Shame with Emily Sandoz
- Secret #7: Parental Guilt with Dr. Yael Schonbrun
- Secret #26: Victim Blame with Dr. Amy Beddows
Guilt and shame often linger long after trauma, quietly shaping how we see ourselves and our relationships. In this episode, clinical psychologist Dr. Carolyn Allard explains why guilt and shame can be adaptive—and how they become harmful when they overstay their welcome.
Key Takeaways
- Trauma-related guilt and shame can begin as survival strategies but become non-adaptive over time
- Non-adaptive guilt and shame (NAGS) fuel avoidance, people-pleasing, and self-blame
- Hindsight bias intensifies guilt by judging past actions with information we didn’t have at the time
- Values-based decision making helps replace guilt-driven choices with intentional living
View extended shownotes here
- ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
- ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
- ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
Recommended Episodes:
Secret #68 — Secrets of Rest with Alex Soojung-Kim Pang
Secret #30 — Wise Effort with Dr. Diana Hill
Secret #69 — No One Is “Self-Made” with Dr. Lakeysha Hallmon
A tender, practical conversation about how a terminal diagnosis can sharpen priorities, deepen connection, and teach the rest of us how to live on purpose—today.
Psychologist Dr. Ray Owen and Sam Stroud, recently diagnosed with MND/ALS, join Emma and Chris to talk about presence, priorities, and building a life that stays wide—even when options narrow. Sam shares what helped in the first weeks after diagnosis (stay engaged with life, ask for real support), while Ray maps compassionate skills for meeting pain without letting it shrink your world. Together, they show how practices like meditation can hold difficulty and meaning at the same time, and why honest community is a lifeline for patients and families alike. You’ll leave with grounded tools for navigating illness—and for living more fully even if you’re well.
Topics Discussed in this Episode:
- Staying engaged with life after diagnosis
- First-person stories as antidotes to fear
- Meditation as capacity-building (not escape)
- Compassion skills for making room for pain
- Community and honest conversation as lifelines
- Mortality as a focusing practice for priorities
View extended shownotes here
- ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
- ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
- ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
Recommended Episodes:
- Secret #68: Secrets of Rest with Alex Soojung-Kim Pang
- Secret #61: Reimagining Anger with Russell Kolts
- Secret #62: The Connection Paradox with James Cordova
- Secret #69: No One is "Self-Made" with Dr. Lakeysha Hallmon
- Secret #55: Belonging with Meg McKelvie
- Secret #48: The Tree That Bends with Ross White
- Secret #60: There is No Normal with Dr. Steven C. Hayes
- Secret #54: The Reign of Pain with Howard Schubiner
- Secret #67: Living with Death with Dr. Robyn Walser and Dr. Manuela O'Connell
What happens when we look back on a year of conversations and discover the recurring themes that shape our lives? In this special year-in-review episode, hosts Chris McCurry and Emma Waddington reflect on the surprising paradoxes they've encountered throughout their podcast journey—the uncomfortable truths that keep emerging despite our best efforts to avoid them.
Topics Discussed:
- Why the harder we try to fix ourselves, the more stuck we get
- How the emotions we push away become the things that ruin our lives
- Why the "self-made" myth keeps us isolated when we need connection most
- How fighting what we can't change only deepens our suffering
View extended shownotes here
- ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
- ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
- ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
Recommended Episodes
- Secret #60: There is No Normal with Dr. Steven C. Hayes
- Secret #56: Spirituality with Dr. Matthieu Villatte
- Secret #55: Belonging with Meg McKelvie
What happens when we stop glorifying the “self-made” myth and start honoring the power of community?
Dr. Lakeysha Hallmon—educator, entrepreneur, and founder of The Village Market and Our Village United—joins hosts Emma Waddington and Chris McCurry to explore the truth that success is never a solo act. Together they unpack the cultural illusion of rugged individualism, how to build intentional communities, and why collaboration, not competition, is the path to collective flourishing.
Dr. Hallmon shares how divine assignments, purpose, and persistence shaped her journey, and invites listeners to reframe independence as interdependence—to see that thriving is always a village effort.
Topics Discussed:
- The myth of the “self-made” person and the harm of rugged individualism
- What it means to be village-made, not self-made
- How community closes economic and opportunity divides
- The six village archetypes: futurists, builders, connectors, collaborators, enthusiasts, and observers
- Why resistance to collaboration is normal—and what to do about it
- Divine assignments, purpose, and trusting discomfort as part of growth
- How to build communities with alignment, trust, and presence
View Extended Shownotes here
- ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
- ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
- ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
Recommended Episodes:
- Secret #62: The Connection Paradox with James Cordova
- Secret #67: Living with Death with Dr. Manuela O’Connell and Dr. Robyn Walser
- Secret #56: Spirituality with Dr. Matthieu Villatte
Rest is not the opposite of work. It is the partner that makes great work possible. In this conversation, best-selling author and strategist Alex Soojung-Kim Pang shows how rest is a learnable skill that powers focus, creativity, and longevity. We dig into deliberate rest, the default mode network, and why short micro breaks can boost productivity. You will hear practical rhythms for your day—90 to 120 minutes of deep work followed by low-intensity recovery like walking or gardening—plus how absorbing hobbies, device boundaries, and shared team norms protect you from burnout. We also explore the social side of rest, building a sense of mattering and community so you can sustain excellence in a world engineered for distraction.
Highlights:
• Rest as an active skill that partners with work
• The 90–120 minute deep-work rhythm and low-intensity recovery
• Walking, gardening, and “default mode” insight during breaks
• Hobbies, mastery, and community as buffers against burnout
• Simple tech boundaries and the “zombie apocalypse” notification test
• How to design environments and norms that support focus and rest
• Sustainable excellence: doing great work for decades, not months
ORDER Rest: Why You Get More Done When You Work Less
View extended shownotes here
- ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
- ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
- ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
Recommended Episodes
- Secret #56: Spirituality with Dr. Matthieu Villatte
- Secret #51: New Thinking on Grief with Dr. Ray Owen
- Secret #62: The Connection Paradox with James Cordova
What happens when we stop running from mortality and let it guide how we live now? Chris and Emma sit down with Dr. Robyn Walser and Dr. Manuela O’Connell to explore death as a teacher, not a terror. They unpack cultural avoidance of death, the role of ritual and spirituality, existential responsibility, and how Acceptance and Commitment Therapy can help us meet endings with presence, compassion, and choice. Robyn leads a powerful Lifeline exercise, while Manuela reframes death as a mindfulness bell that returns us to the heart of what matters.
Topics Discussed
- Existentialism and ACT in real life choices
- Cultural and spiritual perspectives on death
- Mindfulness, presence, and compassionate self talk
- Values based living across endings and transitions
- Grief, regret, and returning again to what matters
View extended shownotes here
- ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
- ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
- ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
Recommended episodes:
- Secret #20: There is No Normal with Dr. Steven C. Hayes
- Secret #47: Living a Meaningful Life with Jenna LeJeune
- Secret #30: Wise Effort with Dr. Diana Hill
When life feels too heavy, should we fight our thoughts or learn to carry them? In this grounded, compassionate conversation, clinical psychologist and author Ben Sedley joins Emma Waddington and Chris McCurry to explore how to hold painful thoughts and emotions without being crushed by them. Ben shares practical Acceptance and Commitment Therapy insights, why self-criticism often masquerades as our “biggest fan,” how presence works as a first step, and why compassion sometimes looks fierce with clear boundaries. Expect simple, usable tools for noticing, naming, and carrying the “heavy stuff” while still moving toward what matters.
Topics Discussed:
- How to carry painful emotions instead of trying to erase them
- Why the inner critic often acts like a misguided “biggest fan”
- The first tool: presence and one-breath noticing before action
- Compassion with boundaries: fierce, clear, and change-oriented
- Function over content: measure thoughts by what they do, not what they say
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- Secret #30: Wise Effort with Dr. Diana Hill .
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Join hosts Emma Waddington and Chris McCurry as they explore the surprising truth behind the booming self-help industry with psychologist and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) expert Dr. Joe Oliver. Despite the $13 billion self-help market, anxiety, depression, and loneliness are skyrocketing. What gives?
In this deeply honest and often humorous conversation, the trio unpacks how self-help culture—though well-intentioned—can fuel self-judgment, perfectionism, and a sense of failure when we don’t feel “better.” Joe explains how relentless self-improvement often distracts us from living fully in the present and accepting ourselves as we are.
Rather than trying to fix or avoid unpleasant thoughts and feelings, Joe introduces an empowering alternative: psychological flexibility. Through ACT principles, they explore how we can relate differently to our inner struggles, develop self-compassion, and focus on living a values-based life—even when things are hard.
Topics Discussed in this episode:
- What is ACT therapy and how does it work?
- The self-help paradox: Why improvement can increase suffering
- Tools to manage emotional avoidance and anxiety
- The problem with “trying harder” in mental health
- Real-life examples of psychological flexibility in action
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Are you ready to unravel the hidden psychology of moral outrage and discover practical tools for turning intense conflict into genuine understanding? In this eye-opening episode of Life’s Dirty Little Secrets, social psychologist and author Dr. Kurt Gray joins the hosts to reveal how our sense of right and wrong shapes everything from social media disputes to personal relationships and political division.
Together, we unpack why humans are so deeply wired for moral outrage, the evolutionary forces that keep us alert to wrongdoing, and how our brains quickly flip people from friends to foes. Dr. Gray explores why liberals and conservatives clash over who is vulnerable, explains the fundamental attribution error, and digs into how social media intensifies group anger.
Most importantly, you will learn actionable techniques for shifting from outrage to curiosity, building empathy, and connecting through storytelling both at home and in society. If you want to break free from cycles of blame and find new ways to listen, this episode will empower you to have braver, more transformative conversations one story at a time.
Topics Discussed in this Episode:
- Psychological roots of moral outrage
- Harm perception in political disagreements
- Overcoming conflict through curiosity
- Impact of social media echo chambers
- Building empathy with personal storytelling
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Living with food allergies brings a daily struggle of anxiety, uncertainty, and real risk—but it also offers powerful lessons about courage, resilience, and managing fear. In this revealing episode, we’re joined by Tamara Hubbard, a licensed clinical professional counselor and leading expert on the psychological impact of food allergies. Tamara draws on her personal journey and professional expertise to uncover how constant vigilance around food can shape families, fuel anxiety, and lead to both overprotection and life-enhancing growth.
From the reality of daily risk and the trauma of allergic reactions to navigating safety vs. quality of life, this discussion is packed with actionable advice for anyone facing anxiety—whether about parenting, health, or other unpredictable threats. Learn the difference between perceived and actual danger, how to empower yourself or your child to manage fear, and why finding a balance between safety and living fully is the ultimate secret to resilience.
With practical tips based on evidence-based therapies, Tamara shares real-world strategies to build confidence, advocate for your needs, and help children thrive in the face of uncertainty. Tune in to unlock insights for a fuller, braver life, whether you’re parenting a child with food allergies, confronting your own anxieties, or simply seeking to live more boldly in a world full of “may contain” risks.
Topics Discussed in this Episode:
- Psychological impact of food allergies
- Managing parenting anxiety and fear
- Balancing safety and quality of life
- Values-driven approaches to risk management
- Empowering children through self-advocacy skills
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What happens when connection feels both necessary and terrifying? In this intimate episode, Dr. James Cordova explores how warmth, authenticity, and mindful space shape human relationships. With wisdom from Chris McCurry and Emma Waddington, you'll hear how vulnerability, presence, and self-compassion create space for healing — whether in therapy, family life, or personal growth.
Topics Discussed in this episode:
- The Connection Paradox in Relationships
- Emotional Safety and Vulnerability
- Parenting with Presence and Compassion
- Mindfulness and Making Space for Emotions
- How Therapy Supports Real Human Connection
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We often treat anger like a villain, but what if it’s simply trying to tell us something important?
In this episode of Life’s Dirty Little Secrets, Dr. Russell Kolts, clinical psychologist and compassion-focused therapy pioneer, joins hosts Emma Waddington and Chris McCurry to reimagine our relationship with anger. He shares powerful insights into how anger is often a response to threat, helplessness, or dismissal, not simply aggression.
Together, they explore how to stop demonizing anger, how to guide children through their emotional storms, and why compassion is the key to healing emotional wounds. If you’ve ever struggled with anger or want to better support others who do, this episode offers eye-opening tools and fresh hope.
Topics Discussed in this episode:
- The role of anger in emotional regulation
- Compassion-focused therapy techniques
- Teaching children how to process anger
- Shifting from shame to curiosity in therapy
- Rewriting our emotional conditioning around anger
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In this thought-provoking conversation, Dr. Steven C. Hayes challenges the idea that mental health care should follow rigid, one-size-fits-all models. He explores why our obsession with efficiency, like the standard “8 session” treatment plan, can miss the mark and even harm those it is meant to help. Instead, Steven invites us to sit with uncertainty, discomfort, and even panic, recognizing that true healing is rarely linear.
If you have ever felt like therapy or support systems were trying to “fix” you rather than understand you, this episode will resonate deeply. Dr. Hayes’ insights remind us that progress takes time, flexibility, and the courage to question the systems we have built.
Topics Discussed in this Episode:
- Why one-size-fits-all therapy models fail clients
- The hidden flaws of the “8 session” treatment plan
- How the obsession with efficiency harms mental health care
- The importance of sitting with uncertainty in therapy
- Shifting from “fixing” clients to truly understanding them
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It’s never been a more promising yet complicated time to raise boys, as shifting stereotypes and societal pressures redefine what it means to grow up male. In this lively and insightful roundtable, host Emma Waddington is joined by leading experts including adolescent nurse Ana Waddington, parenting author Jennifer Fink, clinical psychologist Emily Edlynn, and men’s health counselor Nike Oruh to rethink boyhood in today’s world.
They dig deep into how traditional norms both help and hinder boys, the growing movement toward emotional openness, and the real-life challenges that young men still face—from societal expectations to struggles around vulnerability and safe spaces. Discover why it’s crucial to break down outdated beliefs, how to support boys’ mental health in practical ways, and the importance of creating community spaces where boys can truly be themselves.
Packed with research, personal stories, and actionable advice, this episode is a must-listen for parents, educators, and anyone invested in helping the next generation of boys thrive. Whether you’re raising a son or want to better understand the boys and young men in your life, you’ll walk away with a fresh perspective and concrete tools to support healthier, happier boyhood.
Topics Discussed in this Episode:
- Redefining masculinity in modern society
- Supporting boys' emotional development
- Addressing harmful gender stereotypes
- Creating safe spaces for youth
- Encouraging autonomy in adolescent boys
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Are you struggling with how much to help—or how much to back off—when it comes to your child’s motivation, schoolwork, and screen time? Dive into this insight-packed episode as leading neuropsychologist Dr. William Stixrud and tutoring expert Ned Johnson reveal game-changing research on autonomy-supportive parenting, fostering resilience, and why letting kids solve their own problems builds lifelong confidence.
Hosts Chris McCurry and Emma Waddington join Stixrud and Johnson to unpack the science behind why children crave autonomy, how a low sense of control fuels anxiety and stress, and what it actually means to become a “non-anxious presence” as a parent. Learn the crucial differences between supportive guidance and hands-off, laissez-faire parenting, how to talk with your kids about technology and motivation (without endless fights), and why prioritizing your relationship beats chasing perfect grades.
Plus, you’ll hear deeply personal stories of setbacks, surprises, and bouncing forward after failure—reminding us that the path to thriving adulthood is rarely a straight line. Whether you’re worried about homework wars, video game battles, or just want a better connection with your kids, this conversation is packed with actionable wisdom, empowering you to raise self-driven, resilient children while keeping your sanity and joy as a parent.
Topics Discussed in this Episode:
- Autonomy supportive parenting strategies
- Fostering intrinsic motivation in children
- Navigating technology and screen time
- Building resilience through adversity
- Cultivating non-anxious parenting presence
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Navigating difficult conversations at home, work, or in our polarized world can feel overwhelming—but what if building conflict resilience is the key to deeper connection and transformative growth? In this eye-opening episode, hosts Emma Waddington and Chris McCurry dive into the science and art of facing conflict head-on with nationally recognized conflict resolution expert Bob Bordone and behavioral neurologist Dr. Joel Salinas, co-authors of the groundbreaking book Conflict Resilience.
Discover why avoiding conflict (or rushing to “resolve” it) can actually harm relationships, communities, and even your own wellbeing. Our guests reveal how embracing discomfort, developing emotional awareness, and unlearning reactive patterns empowers us to connect authentically—even across divides that seem unbridgeable. You’ll learn about the brain’s “five Fs” in conflict, practical skills for sitting with tension, and why naming your emotions is the first step toward breakthrough.
Whether you’re a parent, partner, leader, or simply tired of the stress that comes with disagreement, this episode is packed with actionable insights and inspiring stories that will help you struggle well—and come out stronger. Tune in and discover the dirty little secret to lifelong connection: real resilience in the heat of conflict.
Topics Discussed in this Episode:
- Building conflict resilience skills
- The neuroscience behind conflict avoidance
- Emotional literacy in difficult conversations
- Psychological safety in diverse teams
- Strategies for managing polarized relationships
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Are you searching for a deeper sense of connection, purpose, and meaning—beyond the confines of organized religion? This powerful episode of Life’s Dirty Little Secrets dives into the world of modern spirituality, uncovering why so many people crave meaning without religious labels and how spiritual practices can transform resilience, mental health, and even our everyday relationships.
Join leading psychologist, author, and ACT trainer Matthieu Villatte as he explores what it really means to be “spiritual but not religious,” the science-backed benefits of spiritual awareness, and how spirituality—through mindfulness, values, and connection—can help us navigate grief, loss, division, and life’s toughest moments. Discover why harmony, transcendence, and embracing life’s ups and downs are at the core of genuine spiritual wellbeing. Whether you’re a believer, a skeptic, or something in between, Matthieu—and hosts Chris McCurry and Emma Waddington—offer practical tools and fresh insights for building connection, meaning, and hope in chaotic times.
If you want to tap into profound human wisdom, strengthen your resilience, or simply find more joy and purpose in daily living, this episode is your guide to spirituality for the modern world. Don’t miss this inspiring conversation about the small “dirty little secrets” that make us more whole, human, and alive.
Topics Discussed in this Episode:
- Distinction between spirituality and religion
- Psychological benefits of spiritual practices
- Role of connectedness in resilience
- Challenges of maintaining spiritual harmony
- Transcendence and meaning-making in daily life
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Feeling like you don’t truly belong—no matter how hard you try—can leave you lonely, anxious, and questioning your self-worth. In this transformative episode of Life’s Dirty Little Secrets, we unravel the real nature of belonging: what it means, why we ache for it, and how to find it from the inside out.
Hosts Emma Waddington and Chris McCurry is joined by licensed clinical psychologist Meg McElvie, an expert in cognitive behavioral and acceptance and commitment therapies, for a profound conversation that turns the concept of belonging on its head. Together, they explore the three layers of belonging—social, internal, and spiritual—revealing why true belonging starts within and is our birthright, not something to be earned.
Discover the difference between fitting in and authentic connection, the evolutionary roots of our yearning to belong, and how cultural pressures sabotage our sense of self. Meg shares practical strategies, from mindful self-inquiry to nature rituals and expressive writing, to help you reconnect with your sense of belonging. You’ll also learn why helping others feel included is a radical act of self-acceptance and social justice.
If you’ve ever struggled with loneliness, social anxiety, or felt like you just don’t fit, this episode is your invitation to remember: you’re not alone, you don’t have to change to belong, and your place in the world is already yours. Listen in for a compassionate, eye-opening guide to finding connection—starting with yourself.
Topics Discussed in this episode:
- Innate yearning for human belonging
- Inside-out approach to self-acceptance
- Shame and self-stories around inclusion
- Cultivating compassion through shared humanity
- Radical social justice via belonging
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Chronic pain, anxiety, depression, and fatigue are some of life’s most stubborn challenges—but what if the true cause, and the path to lasting relief, lies not in your body, but in your brain? In this eye-opening episode of Life’s Dirty Little Secrets, we uncover the groundbreaking science of pain with renowned mind-body physician Dr. Howard Schubiner.
Learn how cutting-edge neuroscience reveals that most chronic pain and related conditions aren’t the result of structural damage, but are instead generated by the brain’s protective mechanisms—often triggered by stress, trauma, or emotional injury. Dr. Schubiner shares powerful, research-backed techniques including pain reprocessing therapy, emotional awareness and expression, and practical life changes that can help you break free from the vicious cycle of pain and fear.
From Emma Waddington’s personal healing journey to astonishing real-life recoveries, this episode will transform your understanding of pain—and give you hope that recovery is closer than you think. Don’t miss this essential conversation for anyone living with persistent pain, unexplained symptoms, or looking to reclaim their wellbeing!
Highlights:
- Neuroscience of predictive processing in pain
- Emotional injury activating danger signals
- Chronic pain and structural diagnosis myths
- Mind body conditions in women
- Pain reprocessing and emotional awareness therapy
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Are you feeling overwhelmed by modern life, increasingly stressed, isolated, or disconnected from the natural world? This enlightening episode uncovers the hidden crisis at the heart of our well-being—how today’s hyper-connected, fast-paced society is fundamentally at odds with our biological and emotional needs.
Join us as we dive deep with entrepreneur, writer, and systems thinker Alex Graybar, founder of the civic tech platform Votr, who champions a bold new philosophy he calls “biological humanism.” Discover why ancient social instincts, evolutionary drives, and our need for nature still rule our behavior—even as technology, capitalism, and urban life pull us away from what truly makes us thrive.
From the dangers of relentless striving and screen addiction to the profound healing power of a simple walk in the park, we explore eye-opening research, the down-to-earth wisdom of the biophilia hypothesis, and real-life strategies for restoring balance and community. Plus, learn how everyday choices, biological empathy, and reconnecting with nature can break the toxic cycle of stress and disconnection.
Whether you’re a city dweller yearning for connection or a changemaker passionate about sustainability, this episode will challenge the way you see society, and inspire you to rediscover the simple (and often overlooked) secrets to a life in harmony with the world around you. Don’t miss this transformative conversation—your well-being (and the planet) may depend on it!
Highlights:
- Biological empathy and human connection
- Impact of modern systems on well-being
- Biophilia hypothesis and restorative nature
- Individualism versus collective well-being
- Technology-driven stress and social isolation
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Are you caught in the never-ending race for perfection, feeling burned out by hustle culture and the constant pressure to optimize every corner of your life? In this eye-opening episode, we reveal the truth about toxic striving, uncovering why it’s so hard to break free from relentless self-improvement, comparison traps on social media, and the modern epidemic of never feeling “good enough.”
Clinical psychologist and intuitive eating counselor Dr. Paula Freedman Diamond joins hosts Emma Waddington and Chris McCurry to unpack the roots of toxic striving, from childhood messaging to societal expectations—and why “striving” can silently morph into anxiety, perfectionism, and even disconnection from what really matters. Discover how to spot the warning signs when high standards turn toxic, and learn science-backed strategies to move from rigid self-criticism to a more compassionate, values-driven life.
Whether you’re a high achiever, a parent worried about doing everything “right,” or just exhausted from trying to keep up, this episode offers practical tips and much-needed validation. Tune in for real-world stories, mindset shifts, and actionable advice on living well—without letting the pursuit of success run your life.
Highlights:
- Toxic striving and perfectionist culture
- Social media and hustle culture pressures
- Rule-based versus values-based living
- Impact of societal expectations on self-worth
- Embracing imperfection and psychological flexibility
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Grief is an inevitable part of life, but do we truly understand its complex nature and the different ways it affects us? Dive into this enlightening episode as Dr. Ray Owen, a seasoned clinical and health psychologist, unravels the multifaceted world of grief. With over forty years in the National Health Service, Dr. Owen brings unparalleled insights into the universality of grief, its manifestations beyond just sadness, and how cultural nuances affect our grieving process.
Explore why grief can be so much more than just a singular emotion, as Dr. Owen discusses everything from anger and shame to the dark side of resilience and the concept of disenfranchised grief. Together with hosts Emma Waddington and Chris McCurry, this episode delves deep into the cognitive processes that accompany loss, whether it's the death of a loved one, a pet, or even an identity shift due to life changes.
Perfect for anyone experiencing loss or for those seeking to better understand this profound emotion, this conversation provides actionable insights and empathetic understanding. Decode the secrets of coping with Dr. Owen’s valuable perspective—your journey towards healing could begin right here.
Topics Discussed in this Episode:
- Universality of human grief
- Varied facets of grief expression
- Role of cultural influences on grief
- Challenges of disenfranchised grief
- Navigating loss and life transitions
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Achieve more while living joyfully—it's possible! In this insightful episode, Dr. Mary Anderson, a clinical psychologist and author, discusses the transformative concept of being a "Happy High Achiever." Dr. Anderson explores how the relentless pursuit of excellence can often entangle individuals in anxiety and stress and offers cognitive-behavioral strategies to rewrite this paradigm.
Listeners will learn to redefine success by focusing on values-based goals rather than perfectionistic outcomes. Dr. Anderson introduces the SELF acronym—sleep, exercise, look forward, and fuel—as the foundation for essential self-care, aimed at maintaining energy and well-being alongside achievement.
This episode also highlights the power of positive self-talk, encouraging a shift in focus from cognitive distortions to constructive thoughts. Dr. Anderson's insights help listeners navigate societal pressures, promoting mental and emotional health without losing their competitive edge.
Tune in to explore a roadmap for sustainable success, equipping you with the tools to excel in professional and personal realms while prioritizing mental health and happiness.
Highlights:
- Happy High Achievers: Eight Essentials to Manage Stress and Energize for Success
- Overcoming Social Media Pressure in High Achievement
- Implementing Self-Care in Daily Life
- Shifting from Outcome Focus to Process Orientation
- The SELF Care Fundamentals: Science-Backed Approaches for Sustained High Performance
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Navigating the turbulent waters of parenting an anxious child might just hold the key to fostering resilience and emotional growth in both parents and kids alike. In this episode, hosts Emma Waddington and Chris McCurry engage in a meaningful dialogue about the reality of anxiety in parenting and how it not only affects parents but also their children.
They explore the evolutionary roots of anxiety, emphasizing that it's a natural, baked-in response meant to protect us. By normalizing anxiety as part of the parenting journey, the hosts empower listeners with strategies to support children who exhibit anxious tendencies.
Their candid conversation includes practical tools like the acronym "SOBER," offering a structured approach to handling anxious moments effectively. With the importance of modeling resilience and defining family values, Emma and Chris illuminate how parents can guide their children toward greater independence and emotional well-being.
This episode is brimming with insightful strategies and compassionate advice, making it a valuable resource for any parent seeking to better understand and navigate anxiety within their family lives. Listen in to discover how embracing, rather than battling, anxiety can lead to a deeper connection with your child and a more fulfilling family dynamic.
Highlights:
- Understanding Anxiety
- Parent and Child Dynamics with Anxiety
- Temperament and Anxiety
- Influence of Social Media and Society on Anxiety
- Recognizing Problematic Anxiety
- Parental Strategies and Coping Mechanisms
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Uncovering the tree that bends and thrives may just redefine how you approach mental well-being amidst life's storms. In this episode, Dr. Ross White, an acclaimed clinical psychologist, takes us on a journey through the metaphor of a tree that bends during turbulent times, drawing from his extensive work with high-performing individuals and culturally diverse populations. He shares how the Tanzanian proverb, "the wind does not break the tree that bends," serves as an empowering metaphor in his book, emphasizing resilience and flexibility.
Dr. White discusses the zero-sum game fallacy, conveying that success and well-being need not mutually exclude each other. Highlighting the importance of thriving over mere surviving, he passionately debunks the endurance culture's myths, urging listeners to embrace traits like flexibility and self-compassion. The discourse around burnout post-pandemic, and the societal pressures magnified by social media, sets a backdrop for his practical wisdom on thriving.
He introduces the powerful method of reflection through the get, threat, and reset modes of motivation. By blending insights from nature with psychological frameworks, Dr. White offers actionable strategies for nurturing a flexible and self-fulfilling mindset. Anchored in acceptance and commitment therapy principles, this conversation is a masterclass in aligning one's purpose with their daily actions.
Whether you’re seeking profound psychological insights or practical advice for fostering a balanced life, this episode with Dr. Ross White offers an inspiring exploration of sustaining success without losing oneself. A must-listen for anyone aiming to thrive amidst life's challenges, anchored in resilience and compassion.
Highlights:
- The Tanzanian Proverb: The Tree That Bends
- Concept of Thriving and Well-being
- Cultural Expectations and Mental Health
- Balancing Success and Emotional Health
- Emotional Awareness and Regulation
- Purpose and Intention in Life
- Challenges of High Performance
- Role of Self-Compassion and Willingness
- Forming Purpose and Achieving Balance
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Unveil the secret to crafting a fulfilling life even amid turmoil. In this episode, Dr. Jenna LeJeune, a distinguished psychologist, engages in a profound conversation about what truly constitutes a meaningful life. She emphasizes the power of choice, challenging the notion that there is an inherent purpose to discover, and instead advocates for consciously deciding what principles and values we want our lives to embody.
The episode also tackles the uncomfortable reality that living authentically aligned with one's values often accompanies discomfort and pain. LeJeune sheds light on how our deepest values can bring honor to our suffering, challenging the cultural fixation on feeling good. Rather than fixating on avoiding negative emotions, LeJeune suggests focusing on how we can embody our values in any situation, making values the great equalizer—accessible regardless of external circumstances.
Listeners are encouraged to reflect on their own lives, the autopiloted values shaped by history, and the importance of stepping outside oneself to recognize and honor the person enduring hardship. This episode is a compelling guide for anyone striving to live with integrity and intention, offering practical wisdom to navigate the complexities of human experience.
Highlights:
- Creating a Meaningful Life
- Discovering Your Values
- What are Values?
- Suffering and Values
- Values Dilemma in Daily Life
- Challenges with Values
- Approach to Values in Therapy
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- ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
In this episode, Dr. Eric Morris, an associate professor at Latrobe University and Consultant Clinical Psychologist, challenges our traditional understanding of psychosis and mental health. With over 30 years of experience in both Australia and the UK, Morris brings a fresh perspective on how we view and treat unusual experiences often labeled as psychosis.
The conversation explores how the boundaries between what we consider "normal" and "psychotic" experiences are far more fluid than traditionally believed. Morris explains that unusual experiences, such as hearing voices or having unique perceptions, are actually more common in the general population than previously thought, with up to 10% of people experiencing voice hearing and 20-30% having paranoid or suspicious thoughts.
The discussion takes an important turn toward pragmatism, emphasizing that the key issue isn't the presence of unusual experiences but rather how we relate to them and their impact on daily functioning. Morris advocates for moving away from rigid categorization toward a more nuanced, contextual understanding that considers the person's entire life circumstances and cultural background.
This episode is essential listening for anyone interested in understanding mental health from a more compassionate, nuanced perspective.
Highlights:
- Psychotic-like Experiences in Everyday Life
- Common Misconceptions About Psychosis
- ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) and Psychosis
- Impacts of Cultural Narratives on Perception
- Path Forward: Rethinking Mental Health
View extended shownotes here
Timestamps:
00:00 "Understanding Unusual Human Experiences"
06:09 Cultural Views on Psychosis
11:57 Understanding Diverse Perceptions of the Mind
21:28 Reevaluating Psychosis in Youth
25:11 Embracing and Understanding Life Experiences
32:41 Beyond Labels: Understanding Individual Experiences
39:29 Shifting Societal Expectations and Behaviors
43:24 Psychosis Treatment: Western Shortcomings
48:32 Stress and Isolation Induce Unusual Experiences
53:24 Facing Madness: Cultural Impressions
59:53 Defining Normalcy in Society
01:04:26 "Balancing Medication for Psychotic Experiences"
01:10:56 Broadening Conversations in Psychology
- ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
- ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
- ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
Unlocking the complexities of ADHD and perfectionism can be a game-changer for many seeking self-understanding and balance. In this episode, Michaela Thomas, a senior clinical psychologist, delves into how self-identification and formal diagnosis can transform lives in therapeutic and group coaching settings. She sheds light on the nuanced relationship between ADHD and perfectionism, explaining how perfectionism often suppresses joy and hinders self-expression.
Thomas passionately explores the heightened sensitivity to rejection that individuals with ADHD experience, tying it to past ostracization and the resulting hypervigilance in social situations. This conversation is packed with insights on managing multiple responsibilities and the challenges of binary thinking common in ADHD.
From discussing the ADHD brain’s unique motivations—including urgency, interest, challenge, and novelty—to addressing emotional variability and hormonal influences, Michaela Thomas offers a comprehensive view of ADHD. She recommends Jennifer Kemp's "The Neurodivergence Workbook" and invites listeners to her podcast "Pause Purpose Play," promising a continuation of this vital discussion.
Emma Waddington and Chris McCurry add depth by focusing on compassion, self-awareness, and practical strategies to manage ADHD symptoms. Whether it's understanding coping mechanisms or debunking misconceptions about ADHD in women, this episode is a treasure trove of information for anyone navigating the ADHD journey.
Listen in to discover empowering insights and practical tips for harnessing the strengths of ADHD while mitigating its challenges. This episode is essential for those seeking to better understand their own minds or support loved ones with ADHD, all through a lens of compassion and self-compassion.
Highlights:
- ADHD and Perfectionism Connection
- Emotional Sensitivity in ADHD
- ADHD Diagnosis as a Starting Point
- ADHD Coping Strategies for Women
View extended shownotes here
- ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
- ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
- ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
In this episode of Life's Dirty Little Secrets, hosts Chris McCurry and Emma Waddington welcome back clinical psychologist Debbie Sorensen to discuss the growing issue of parental burnout.
Sorensen, an expert on chronic stress and burnout, elaborates on the overwhelming pressures faced by modern parents and how societal expectations, economic pressures, and lack of support contribute to their exhaustion. The conversation also touches on perfectionism, micro stressors, and the importance of self-compassion and support networks. They provide practical advice, emphasizing the importance of asking for help, reducing expectations, and ensuring parental well-being.
Highlights:
- Parental Burnout
- Mental Health
- Support Systems For Parents
- Perfectionism And Its Impact On Parenting
- Optimal Frustration In Child Development
- Self-care For Parents
View extended shownotes here:
https://www.lifesdirtylittlesecretspodcast.com/episodes/secret-44-parental-burnout-with-debbie-sorensen
- ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
- ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
- ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
In this episode of Life's Dirty Little Secrets, hosts Emma Waddington and Chris McCurry are joined by Nike Oruh, a therapeutic specialist and clinical lead counselor at Edinburgh Napier University.
The discussion delves into the struggles young men face today, focusing on their search for purpose, the influence of social media, gender role shifts, and the need for safe spaces to express emotions.
The conversation emphasizes the importance of emotional vocabulary, positive role models, and community support systems to help young men navigate the complexities of modern masculinity and emotional well-being.
Highlights:
- Understanding Young Men's Behavior
- Anger and Emotion
- Addressing Societal Issues
- Intersectionality and Resilience
- Emotional Support Framework
- Safe Spaces for Expressions
- Role Models and Empowerment
- Managing Struggles and Empowerment
Resources Mentioned in this Episode:
- Jackson Katz: https://search.app/EfiaBa6UdeuMJhKw9
About Nike Oruh:
Subscribe to Nike’s Substack - VII Breaths Substack: VII Breaths Journal
Nike is an experienced therapeutic specialist with a demonstrated history of working in the Health & Wellbeing industry. He has spent the past two decades involved in emotional and sexual health, which began with a non-profit organisation whose main aim was to help young people make informed choices. Nike has developed his communication skills, training and experience as a therapist across various settings and environments. Which led to his contribution to the seminal counselling book First Steps in Counselling (5th Edition) (PCCS Books).
His expertise in the areas of Men’s Health, Race & Equality and emotional wellbeing are in high demand from Higher Education (Edinburgh, Stirling and Strathclyde Universities) to the Third Sector (Penumbra, ARC Scotland).
Nike is the Clinical Lead Counsellor at Edinburgh Napier University with a Postgraduate Diploma (PgDip) focused in clinical, counselling and applied psychology from University of Stirling. A qualified Dietitian (PgDip) via Queen Margaret University and over 20 years in the music industry, as an award-winning performing artist, label owner and promoter.
He would describe himself as an ‘Elevator, Communicator & Motivator’, Nike’s passion is helping people to understand themselves and reach their true potential.
- ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
- ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
- ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
In this episode, Emma Waddington and Chris McCurry welcome back Dr. Jonathan Caspi, a sibling expert and family therapist, to discuss the intricate dynamics of sibling relationships.
Dr. Caspi delves into the complexities of sibling conflict, the importance of closeness, and the impact of perceptions of favoritism. He provides actionable strategies for parents to preempt conflicts, establish rules of engagement, and reinforce positive interactions.
The conversation also highlights the critical issues of sibling abuse and the lifelong benefits of strong sibling bonds.
- Raising Loving Siblings
- Sibling Conflict and Closeness
- The Importance of Sibling Relationships
- Gender Differences in Sibling Relationships
- Parental Influence on Sibling Dynamics
About Dr. Jonathan Caspi
Visit Dr. Caspi’s website
Follow @siblingexpert on X
Order Dr. Caspi’s books
Dr. Caspi is a Professor in the Department of Family Science & Human Development at Montclair State University, where he teaches about and studies sibling relationships. He has written 3 books and a host of academic articles, mostly about siblings. Dr. Caspi is also an individual, marriage and family therapist. In addition, he is a media consultant with appearances on NPR, The Brian Lehrer Show, WNYC, WHYY, the New York Times, CNN, Wall Street Journal, Washington Post & elsewhere. His 4th book, a parenting guide to learning about what exacerbates sibling conflict and how to manage it, will be out on Guilford Publishing, either later this year or early in 2025.
- ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
- ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
- ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
In this episode we are joined by Dr. Steve Graybar, a clinical psychologist from the University of Arizona.
They delve into the complex and sensitive topic of gender affirming care for minors. Dr. Graybar provides a nuanced analysis, advocating for a more comprehensive and research-based approach to gender affirming care. He emphasizes the need to reimagine the current model to include thorough psychological evaluation and family therapy while cautioning against the politically charged atmosphere surrounding the issue.
The discussion also explores the risks of medical transitioning and the importance of empirical support and informed consent in making these significant decisions.
Topics Discussed:
- Evolution of gender reassignment and need for long-term follow-up studies
- Social pressures and vulnerabilities during adolescence
- Emphasis on family therapy to prevent parental alienation
- Societal Approach and Policy Recommendations
About Steve Graybar
Follow Steve on Linkedin
Clinical Psychologist, Associate Clinical Professor University of Arizona, Tucson, AZ, all around nice guy.
Follow us on Facebook @lifesdirtylittlesecretspodcast and on Instagram @lifesdirtylittlesecrets
Reach out and let us know you are listening and what you would like to hear on the show - email:lifesdirtylittlesecretspodcast@gmail.com
- ORDER Max Cross Gets Unstuck from Anger: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook series for kids)
- ORDER Justin Case Sits with Anxiety: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
- ORDER The Glumm Twins Unhook from Sadness: An Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Workbook for Ages 8-12 (ACT Workbook Series for Kids)
In this episode of 'Life's Dirty Little Secrets,' hosts Emma Waddington and Chris McCurry are joined by Dr. Russell Kolts, a clinical psychologist and professor at Eastern Washington University. They discuss the complexities of masculinity and anger in today's society.
Dr. Kolts shares insights on how societal expectations shape male behavior, the challenges men face in expressing emotions, and the importance of creating safe spaces for men to be vulnerable. The discussion also covers the role of temperament and upbringing in emotional development and highlights the impact of competitive social contexts on behavior.
The episode emphasizes the need for both men and women to support emotional expression and vulnerability in boys and men to foster healthier relationships and communities.
Topics Discussed:
- Detoxifying Masculinity and Anger Management
- Societal Expectations and Gender Differences
- Creating Safe Spaces for Men
- The Consent Conversation
About Russell Kolts
Watch Russell’s TEDx Talk
Check out An Open-Hearted Life. Shambhala. 2015.
Read The Anger Workbook: Discover the Strength to Transform Your Anger Using Your Compassionate Mind. Robinson (Little, Brown Book Group). 2024.
Learn more about The Compassionate Mind Guide to Managing Your Anger. New Harbinger Publications. 2012.
Read Buddhist Psychology and Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy: A Clinician's Guide. The Guilford Press. 2016.
Russell Kolts is a clinical psychologist and founder of the Inland Northwest Compassionate Mind Center in Spokane, Washington, USA. Dr. Kolts regularly conducts trainings and workshops on Compassion-Focused Therapy, as well as on mindfulness and compassion practices. His professional interests lie primarily in the application of CFT and mindfulness approaches to individuals suffering from problematic anger, trauma, mood, and attachment-related difficulties. Kolts has published and presented research in diverse areas such as positive psychology, PTSD, psychopharmacology, mindfulness, and compassion. In his personal life, Dr. Kolts enjoys family time, reading, meditation, outdoor activities, and listening to and playing music.
For more information, resources, and links regarding Compassion-Focused Therapy, visit www.compassionatemind.co.uk
In this episode of 'Life's Dirty Little Secrets,' hosts Chris McCurry and Emma Waddington delve into the transformative power of compassion and human connection in healthcare. Joined by pediatric nurse and humanitarian Becky Platt, who recently completed a mission in Gaza with Save the Children, they explore the profound impact of empathy in high-pressure medical environments.
The discussion spans heart-wrenching stories of young patients, the courage in providing dignified end-of-life care, and the mutual gifts of understanding during moments of grief. Becky shares insights from her nonprofit 'Don't Forget the Bubbles,' which offers educational resources to support those caring for sick children. The episode emphasizes the importance of regarding patients as whole individuals, advocating for a humane approach in caregiving that values every human interaction, and highlights how these acts of compassion can mitigate burnout in healthcare professionals.
Join us as we reflect on the radical idea of 'loving your patient' and the power of love and connection as tools for healing and therapy.
Highlights:
- Human Connection In Healthcare
- Importance Of Compassion
- Personal Reflections And Emotional Connections
- Dealing With Parental Guilt
Watch Becky’s TEDxNHS talk
Learn more about Don't Forget the Bubbles
Becky Platt is an Advanced Clinical Practitioner in Paediatric A&E at the Royal London, an executive member of the Don’t Forget the Bubbles team and a senior lecturer on the PEM MSc at QMUL. Becky has deployed to several disease outbreaks and conflict zones with humanitarian organisations, most recently to Gaza with Save the Children. She was awarded the British Empire Medal in 2021 for her overseas humanitarian work.
Becky is passionate about humanity in healthcare, putting patients first, and caring for staff. She regularly hosts debrief sessions after clinical incidents and is committed to facilitating individual, team and organisational learning from events, as well as supporting staff after challenging situations. She is a committed educator and loves teaching in a variety of ways. She delivers online and face-to-face training and talks to global audiences on a range of clinical and non-clinical topics.
In this episode, we are joined by special guests Christopher Michaelson & Jennifer Tosti-Kharas. As co-authors of "Is Your Work Worth It? How to Think About Meaningful Work," they provide a compelling examination of how to find purpose and value in one's career.
The episode explores the privilege of questioning the worthiness of work and the generational shifts in work perception. From Christopher’s poignant reflections on his grandfather's and mother's work experiences to the societal undervaluation of critical roles like delivery workers and cleaners, the discussion dives deep into what truly makes work meaningful.
Listeners will hear about the impact of historical events like 9/11 on work motivations, and the persistent dilemma of working for love versus money.
The discussion emphasizes the liberating notion of not having all the answers and the importance of curiosity in navigating work life. Michaelson introduces the concept of 'dancing with work,' promoting a healthier and more flexible relationship with our careers.
Join us as we unpack the intricate relationship between work, happiness, and societal contribution, encouraging a mindset of adaptive curiosity and practical fulfillment.
Highlights:
- Meaning & Fulfillment:Understand why examining the meaning of your work and questioning your purpose is more beneficial than seeking absolute answers.
- Societal Values:Reflect on the societal undervaluing of certain essential jobs and the overdue reevaluation prompted by the pandemic.
- Employer Motivation:Discover why highlighting the importance of work can be more motivating for employees than punitive measures.
- Privilege of Passion:Realize the privilege linked with finding a “calling” and the potential burnout from societal pressure.
Visit: https://www.lifesdirtylittlesecretspodcast.com/episodes/Secret-38-Is-Your-Work-Worth-It-with-Christopher-Michaelson-&-Jennifer-Tosti-Kharas to learn more
In this episode of Life's Dirty Little Secrets, hosts Emma Waddington and Chris McCurry talk to Carina Simmons, a consultant clinical psychologist from Barts National Health Service Trust, Royal London Hospital. Carina discusses the complexities surrounding youth interpersonal violence, the impact of social media, and the challenges faced by youth in managing emotions and mental health.
Emphasizing a holistic approach, Carina highlights the importance of addressing both individual and systemic factors, the need for early intervention, and the role of emotional literacy in preventing violence. The conversation also explores the unique difficulties faced by young men in expressing emotions and the therapeutic potential of building strong, trusting relationships.
Highlights:
- Understanding Youth Violence
- Role of Social Media in Youth Violence
- Causes of Youth Violence
- Male Emotional Expression
- Complex trauma in youth
Timestamps:
00:00 Introduction and Clarification
00:24 Meet Carina Simmons
01:05 Understanding Youth Violence
01:36 Factors Contributing to Youth Violence
03:56 Approaches in Trauma Centers
06:14 Complex Trauma and Mental Health
15:47 Gender Differences in Emotional Expression
25:29 The Role of Social Media
34:57 Supporting Emotional Literacy
50:43 Final Thoughts and Reflections
About Carina Simmons
More about Barts NHS Trust based in the Royal London Hospital
Learn more about London’s Air Ambulance
Learn more about The Major Trauma Centre
I am a Consultant Clinical Psychologist at Barts NHS Trust based in the Royal London Hospital. I lead the Major Trauma Centre's Clinical Psychology Service which aims to integrate psychological and physical healthcare in major trauma for patients across the lifespan. We provide responsive and proactive inpatient and outpatient services and also offer a variety of CPD sessions for our staff. I lead and manage the service as part of the pan-London Major Trauma Network and work closely with St Giles, the After Trauma Team, Police Liaison, Therapies, medical and nursing colleagues to provide the highest standard of joined up care.
In this episode of 'Life's Dirty Little Secrets,' hosts Emma Waddington and Chris McCurry welcome back Dr. Yael Schonbrun, PhD, a clinical psychologist, writer, and faculty member at Brown University. Dr. Schonbrun discusses the surprising benefits of disagreements, emphasizing how differences can nourish relationships, foster growth, and help individuals thrive.
She explains the importance of mindset shifts, the role of conflict in couples and society, and shares strategies for turning disagreements into productive and positive experiences. The conversation also touches on personal anecdotes, the challenges of maintaining perspective, and the power of repair in relationships.
- Healthy conflict resolution strategies
- Adversarial collaboration in science
- Parental modeling of repairs
- Self compassion in mistakes
- Personal responsibility in conflicts - Importance of conflict repair
[02:12] The Secret Power of Disagreements
[04:06] Embracing Differences for Growth
[06:47] Healthy Conflict Resolution Strategies
[07:16] Adversarial Collaboration in Science
[11:17] The Elephant and the Blind Men Parable
[14:37] Perspective Taking vs. Perspective Giving
[27:06] The Joint Contributory System
[31:29] Understanding the Goggles Metaphor
[32:15] Personal Anecdote: Misinterpreting Intentions
[33:02] The Inescapable Nature of Our Perspectives
[33:35] Conflict in Relationships: A Humbling Experience
[36:28] The Importance of Sleep and Self-Care in Conflict Resolution
[42:33] The Power of Repair in Relationships
[44:35] Tips for Effective Repair
[49:59] The Importance of Conflict in Personal Growth
About Dr. Yael Schonbrun
Check out Dr. Schonbrun’s last visit on Life’s Dirty Little Secrets Podcast - Secret #7 Parental Guilt with Dr. Yael Schonbrun
Purchase Work Parent Drive by Dr. Yael Schonbrun on Amazon or at your local bookstore to gain valuable insights and strategies for navigating the tension between being a parent and working. https://www.amazon.com/Work-Parent-Thrive-Science-Backed-Strategies/dp/1611809657
Yael Schonbrun, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, assistant professor at Brown University, co-host of Psychologists Off the Clock: A podcast about the science and practice of living well, and mother of three. Yael’s academic research explores the interaction between relationship problems and mental health conditions.
Follow Dr. Schonbrun on Linkedin
Tweet Dr. Schonbrun on Twitter: https://twitter.com/DrYaelSchonbrun
In this episode of 'Life's Dirty Little Secrets,' hosts Emma Waddington and Chris McCurry welcome Tiffany Rochester, a clinical psychologist and co-parenting coach.
Tiffany discusses the importance of separating well, providing evidence-based, compassionate, and collaborative solutions as alternatives to litigation. She highlights the need for strategic planning, conflict resolution skills, and effective communication to foster better outcomes for children.
Tiffany offers practical advice on managing the initial stages of separation, involving key professionals for guidance, and maintaining a child-focused approach.
Highlights:
- Collaborative solutions for separated families
- Creating space for emotional reaction
- Practical steps for separation process
- Resilience through collaboration and support
About Tiffany Rochester:
Tiffany Rochester is a Clinical Psychologist and Co-Parenting Coach. Seeing the trauma inflicted on families by broken systems providing woefully inadequate support, Tiffany founded Co-Parenting Companion to provide separated families with evidence-based, compassionate collaborative solutions as an effective, accessible alternative to the traditional pathway of litigation. Her big-picture vision extends beyond immediate alternative dispute resolutions to fundamentally reshaping how society supports families post-separation for the lifespan of the child.
The legal pathway can cost families more than $300,000 and take up to four years (25% of a child’s life!). Tiffany argues it was never the right answer for families in transition, and that it is the foundations of psychology, not law, that pave the pathway to healthy co-parenting after separation.
The first of its kind in Australia, Co-Parenting Companion is a Coaching service to support separated parents to co-parent with simplicity and ease as they raise children in one family across two homes. Through Tiffany's signature program, the Co-Parenting Intensive Reset, participants are guided to reconnect with their values and learn effective strategies for raising children across two homes, with self-care for the complicated thoughts and feelings that are part of co-parenting with an ex. Co-parents are welcomed into the Co-parenting Companion community, with monthly group coaching calls and an extensive membership resource base of videos, tip sheets and how-tos to keep co-parenting low-conflict and effective. As a qualified Collaborative Coach, Tiffany coaches co-parents to reach Parenting Agreements and facilitates non-adversarial collaborative separations with a team of Family Lawyers, Accountants and Financial Advisors. Find more information about how Co-Parenting Companion is changing the landscape of separated co-parenting at https://coparentingcompanion.au
In this episode of 'Life's Dirty Little Secrets,' hosts Emma Waddington and Chris McCurry welcome Tiffany Rochester, a clinical psychologist and co-founder of Co Parenting Companion.
Tiffany discusses her work in providing separated families with evidence-based, compassionate, and collaborative solutions as an alternative to litigation. She dives deep into the challenges and solutions for co-parenting, emphasizing psychological flexibility, kindness, and effective communication.
Tiffany highlights the importance of supporting parents through the separation process to reduce conflict and foster better outcomes for children, providing practical strategies and insights into co-parenting dynamics.
Highlights:
- Managing narrative around separation
- Importance of co-parenting skills
- Addressing emotional triggers effectively
- Understanding co-parenting boundaries
- Overcoming binary thinking in conflict
Timestamps:
[01:52] Tiffany's Journey into Co-Parenting
[04:12] Challenges of Co-Parenting
[07:21] Impact on Children and Families
[11:39] Skills for Effective Co-Parenting
[16:09] The Role of Psychological Flexibility
[25:02] Practical Tools and AI in Co-Parenting
[37:08] The Importance of Grace and Letting Go
About Tiffany Rochester:
Tiffany Rochester is a Clinical Psychologist and Co-Parenting Coach. Seeing the trauma inflicted on families by broken systems providing woefully inadequate support, Tiffany founded Co-Parenting Companion to provide separated families with evidence-based, compassionate collaborative solutions as an effective, accessible alternative to the traditional pathway of litigation. Her big-picture vision extends beyond immediate alternative dispute resolutions to fundamentally reshaping how society supports families post-separation for the lifespan of the child.
The legal pathway can cost families more than $300,000 and take up to four years (25% of a child’s life!). Tiffany argues it was never the right answer for families in transition, and that it is the foundations of psychology, not law, that pave the pathway to healthy co-parenting after separation.
The first of its kind in Australia, Co-Parenting Companion is a Coaching service to support separated parents to co-parent with simplicity and ease as they raise children in one family across two homes. Through Tiffany's signature program, the Co-Parenting Intensive Reset, participants are guided to reconnect with their values and learn effective strategies for raising children across two homes, with self-care for the complicated thoughts and feelings that are part of co-parenting with an ex. Co-parents are welcomed into the Co-parenting Companion community, with monthly group coaching calls and an extensive membership resource base of videos, tip sheets and how-tos to keep co-parenting low-conflict and effective. As a qualified Collaborative Coach, Tiffany coaches co-parents to reach Parenting Agreements and facilitates non-adversarial collaborative separations with a team of Family Lawyers, Accountants and Financial Advisors. Find more information about how Co-Parenting Companion is changing the landscape of separated co-parenting at https://coparentingcompanion.au
Follow us on Facebook @lifesdirtylittlesecretspodcast and on Instagram @lifesdirtylittlesecrets
Reach out and let us know you are listening and what you would like to hear on the show - email:lifesdirtylittlesecretspodcast@gmail.com
In this episode of 'Life's Dirty Little Secrets,' hosts Chris McCurry and Emma Waddington talk with Dr. Emily Edlin, a clinical psychologist specializing in children and families.
They explore the question of whether parents truly make a significant difference in their children's lives. The conversation delves into parenting pressures, the influence of genetics versus parental involvement, and the impact of different parenting styles. Emily shares insights from her new book on autonomy-supportive parenting, offering practical advice on managing parental anxiety and fostering healthy development in children.
The episode highlights the importance of maintaining a balanced perspective on the real influence of parenting and encourages listeners to focus on building nurturing relationships with their children.
Highlights:
- The impact of intensive parenting
- The influence of genetics vs. parenting
- Parental responsibility and anxiety
- The evolution of the parent-child relationship
Timestamps:
[01:54] The Impact of Parenting
[08:27] Genetics vs. Parenting
[11:38] Parental Responsibility and Anxiety
[22:28] Pseudoscience and Parenting
[29:01] Parental Expectations and Child Development
[30:31] The Importance of Parent-Child Relationship
[32:20] Technology and Modern Parenting Challenges
[34:44] Pressure in Youth Sports
[35:52] Dealing with Children's Disappointment
[40:27] Parental Influence and Letting Go
[44:52] Balancing Guidance and Freedom
About Dr. Emily Edlynn:
Check our Dr. Edlynn’s website
Follow @DrEmilyEdlynn on Instagram:
Read Dr. Edlynn’s Substack
Emily Edlynn is a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in pediatric health psychology who works in private practice with children, teens, and adults. She has a BA in English from Smith College, a PhD in clinical psychology from Loyola University Chicago, and completed postgraduate training at Stanford and Children’s Hospital Orange County. Emily spent almost ten years working in children’s hospitals before pivoting to private practice, which allowed her to start a writing career. Emily has written her blog, The Art and Science of Mom, since 2017 and a parenting advice column for Parents.com since 2019. Emily’s writing has also appeared in the Washington Post, Scary Mommy, Good Housekeeping, Motherly, and more. She recently joined the Psychologists Off the Clock podcast as a co-host and is the author of a new book, Autonomy-Supportive Parenting: Reduce Parental Burnout and Raise Competent Confident Children. Emily lives with her husband, three children, and two rescue dogs in Oak Park, IL where she can see Chicago’s skyline from her attic window.
In this episode of 'Life's Dirty Little Secrets,' hosts Chris McCurry and Emma Waddington engage in an insightful conversation with Dr. Aprilia West, a renowned psychologist, executive coach, and author, about the concept of 'choicefulness.' West, with over 20 years of experience working with various individuals and organizations, delves into how our power lies in our moments of choice.
She explains how default reactions can limit our potential and discusses the importance of mindful, intentional decision-making. The conversation covers practical steps for developing choicefulness, recognizing cognitive and emotional biases, and aligning actions with what truly matters to us.
This engaging and enlightening discussion is essential for anyone looking to tap into their full potential and live a more intentional life.
Highlights:
- Defining choicefulness
- Emotional efficacy
- Defaults and behavior patterns
- Values and decision making
- Cognitive biases
- Emotionally driven decisions
About Dr. Aprilia West
Check out Dr. West’s Website
Follow @drapriliawest on Instagram
Follow drapriliawest on LinkedIn
Dr. Aprilia West brings 20+ years of real-world experience working with individuals, leaders and organizations across a range of industries, including Fortune 500 companies, U.S. Congress, entertainment industry executives, artists and creatives, and tech founders to increase wellbeing and performance. Her extensive experience as a psychologist, executive coach and trainer gives her a niche understanding of human behavior and how to facilitate positive, prosocial change.
Follow us on Facebook @lifesdirtylittlesecretspodcast and on Instagram @lifesdirtylittlesecrets
Reach out and let us know you are listening and what you would like to hear on the show - email:lifesdirtylittlesecretspodcast@gmail.com
Emma Waddington and Chris McCurry host the wrap-up episode, celebrating the end of season two. They reflect on various discussions from the season, including self-discovery, personal growth, relationships, equity, social justice, and mental health.
The wrap-up includes highlights from various episodes, featuring topics such as challenging societal norms, the importance of self-regulation in neurodivergent individuals, and the complexities of relationships with narcissistic personalities.
Highlights:
- Sibling Dynamics and Aggression
- Sexual Education
- Victim Blaming
- Neurodivergence
[00:00] Introduction and Season Two Wrap-Up
[01:29] Challenging Norms and Definitions
[01:38] Self-Discovery and Authenticity
[02:59] Dr. Steve Hayes on the Myth of Normal
[06:09] Kristen Campbell on Sexual Education
[09:29] Perfectionism with Dr. Z
[13:23] Stephen Batchelor on Good and Evil
[19:32] Katie Palmer on Favoritism
[25:28] Elisabeth Lati on Sisu
[31:37] Amy Beddows on Victim Blame
[35:01] The Term 'Victim' vs. 'Survivor'
[35:38] The Importance of Recognizing Victimhood
[36:25] Trauma Responses and Validation
[40:14] The Role of Neurodivergence
[49:24] Sibling Dynamics and Aggression
[55:27] The Impact of Narcissism
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In this episode of Life's Dirty Little Secrets, special guest Dr. Diana Hill, a clinical psychologist and host of the "Wise Effort" podcast, joins hosts Chris McCurry and Emma Waddington to delve into the concept of "Wise Effort."
As the discussion unfolds, Dr. Hill offers actionable advice, introducing three steps to embrace wise effort: get curious, open up, and choose wisely. She delves into the balance required to manage energy effectively, avoiding pitfalls like attachment, avoidance, and negative self-stories. Highlighting the significance of consilience and radical regeneration, the episode touches on the abundance of renewable resources and the importance of a mindset of stubborn optimism.
Highlights:
- Wise Effort and Energy
- Principles and Techniques for Wise Effort
- Value of Diverse Interactions
- Recognizing Negative Narratives
- Managing Emotional Responses
About Dr. Diana Hill
Diana Hill, PhD, is a clinical psychologist, international trainer, and sought-out speaker on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and compassion. Host of the podcast Wise Effort and author of The Self-Compassion Daily Journal, The ACT Daily Journal, and the upcoming book Wise Effort, Diana works with organizations and individuals to develop psychological flexibility so that they can grow fulfilling and impactful lives.
Integrating her 20+ years of meditation experience with yoga and psychological training, Diana leads retreats and workshops internationally at InsightLA, Blue Spirit Costa Rica, PESI, Praxis Continuing Education, Yoga Soup, and Insight Timer Meditation. She is on the board of the Institute for Better Health and blogs for Psychology Today and Mindful.org. Diana practices what she preaches in her daily life as a mom of two boys and bee guardian. Go to drdianahill.com or her channels on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, and YouTube (@drdianahill) to learn more.
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In this episode, we are joined by special guest, Dr. Robyn Walser. Robyn, a renowned clinical psychologist and expert in acceptance and commitment therapy, shares her profound insights on the complex topic of narcissism and its impact on relationships and communities.
From the deep-seated insecurities that drive narcissistic behavior to the emotional toll it can take on those entangled in such relationships, Robyn sheds light on the often misunderstood world of narcissism. The conversation delves into the allure of charismatic individuals during crises, the manipulation of power dynamics, and the dangerous exploitation of empathic and vulnerable individuals.
Listeners will gain valuable strategies for dealing with narcissistic behavior, including the importance of setting clear boundaries, seeking community support, and recognizing the red flags of covert narcissism. We also discuss the troubling tendency to surrender autonomy to powerful figures and the historical and contemporary implications of such behavior.
- Understanding Narcissism
- Causes and Rise in Attention
- Attraction and Relationships with Narcissistic Individuals
- Challenges in Addressing Narcissism
- Strategies for Dealing with Narcissists
Timestamps:
[00:00] Introduction to the Guest
[01:33] Defining Narcissism
[03:55] The Rise of Narcissism in Society
[10:10] Narcissism in Relationships
[15:53] The Impact of Narcissistic Leaders
[26:25] Coping with Narcissism
[45:21] Conclusion and Resources
About Dr. Robyn D. Walser
Visit TL Consultation Services, Dr. Walser’s
Check out this Youtube Channel @Surviving Narcissism
And a shout out to her bulldog, Daisy Optimus Prime, who can be heard breathing throughout the podcast.
TLConstulation Services is individually owned and operated in two locations. The main location is in Menlo Park, CA. Dr. Walser also has a home office. There she conducts personal consultation over Skype and by phone.
Robyn is Director of TL Consultation Services and co-director of the Bay Area Trauma Recovery Center and staff at the National Center for PTSD, Dissemination and Training Division. As a licensed psychologist, she maintains an international training, consulting and therapy practice. She is an expert in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and has co-authored 4 books on ACT including a book on learning ACT. She also has expertise in traumatic stress and substance abuse and has authored a number of articles, chapters and books on these topics. Dr. Walser has been described as a “passionate, creative, and bold ACT trainer and therapist” and she is best known for her dynamic, warm and challenging workshops. She is often referred to as a clinician’s clinician.
In this episode, we are joined by special guest Dr. Jonathan Caspi, an internationally recognized sibling expert and family therapist. Dr. Caspi dives deep into the intricate dynamics of sibling relationships, shedding light on the complexities of sibling conflict, comparisons, and the ever-present vying for parental attention.
As we engage with Dr. Caspi in a thought-provoking conversation that touches on how sibling comparisons and parental pressures shape behavior and self-identity. Listeners will gain an understanding of how allowing children to pursue different interests can mitigate sibling rivalry and foster individuality.
Dr. Caspi shares personal anecdotes and research-backed insights on how sibling conflict is normal but warns against normalizing physical violence. He powerfully discusses the under-recognized issue of sibling abuse, its higher prevalence compared to parental abuse, and the contributing factors such as favoritism and marital conflict. The episode also explores the significance of setting clear behavioral expectations and rules to cultivate positive sibling interactions.
Highlights
- Normalcy and Risks of Sibling Conflict
- The Prevalence and Causes of Sibling Abuse
- Parental Intervention in Sibling Conflicts
- Long-term Effects of Sibling Conflicts
- Evolutionary Perspective on Sibling Rivalry
- Parental Strategies for Managing Conflict
SHOW NOTES: https://www.lifesdirtylittlesecretspodcast.com/episodes/Secret-28-Sibilings-with-Dr-Jonathan-Caspi
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In this thought-provoking episode, we are joined by the insightful guest, Jennifer Kemp, a clinical psychologist who specializes in neurodivergence with a focus on autism and ADHD. Jennifer delves deep into the world of neurodivergent adults, especially undiagnosed women, and highlights the transformative power of accepting and embracing one's neurodivergent identity.
From discussing the critical importance of reliable resources to navigating the healthcare system's gatekeeping, Jennifer provides invaluable guidance and information. Listeners will also benefit from Jennifer's expertise on the often-misunderstood symptoms and challenges of ADHD and autism, as well as strategies for self-compassion and self-advocacy.
Our conversation sheds light on overcoming the stigmas of neurodivergence and the essential steps toward living more authentically. Whether you are neurodivergent or seeking to understand more about neurodiversity, this episode is packed with information that empowers and educates.
Highlights:
- Introduction to Neurodivergence
- Challenges Faced by Neurodivergent Individuals
- Diagnosing Autism and ADHD
- Importance of Understanding and Validating Neurodivergence
- Living Authentically with Neurodivergence
About Jennifer Kemp:
Visit Jennifer’s website
Purchase The ACT Workbook for Perfectionism
Order the The Neurodivergent Skills Workbook for Autism and ADHD
Jennifer Kemp BSc(Psych)Hons, MPsych(Clinical), GradDipApplSc(Psychology of Coaching), MAPS, FCCLP
Jennifer Kemp is a privately practicing Clinical Psychologist based in Adelaide who works with older adolescents and adults experiencing perfectionism, eating disorders, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), and chronic illness. The majority of her clients are neurodivergent, so using a neurodiversity-affirming approach, Jennifer weaves together acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), behavioural and compassion-focused approaches with her own lived experience, to help her clients improve their mental health and develop greater self-compassion, self-acceptance, and pride in their neurodivergent identity.
Jennifer juggles clinical practice with writing, presenting, and clinical supervision. Jennifer is the co-author of “The Neurodivergent Skills Workbook for Autism and ADHD: Cultivate Self-Compassion, Live Authentically, and Be Your Own Advocate,” which is due for release in July 2024, and author of “The ACT Workbook for Perfectionism: Build Your Best (Imperfect) Life Using Powerful Acceptance & Commitment Therapy and Self-Compassion Skills.”
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In today’s revealing episode, we welcome Dr. Amy Beddows, a leading expert with a Ph.D. focused on victim-blaming within the context of sexual violence. Providing a compelling exploration of this societal phenomenon, Dr. Beddows dissects the multifaceted layers of victim guilt and its profound implications on survivors.
Venturing deep into the grim reality where predators often escape accountability, our guest exposes the strenuous challenges victims face from systemic inefficiencies. From the understaffed support agencies to the emotional strain on police, barristers, and counselors, the episode unveils the heartbreaking burden on those seeking justice.
Join us as Dr. Beddows also addresses how victim-blaming maintains patriarchal structures, obstructing societal progress and diverting essential funding from victim services.
Together, we confront the distressing impact of cognitive dissonance and emotional distress among victims and acknowledge the unspoken consequences of burnout and cynicism among professionals. Shedding light on the intricate web of sexism, racism, and ableism that exacerbates victim-blaming, this episode stands as a call to action for empathy and systemic reform.
- The Societal Impact of Victim Blaming
- Victim Blaming Across Various Situations
- Dr. Amy Beddows' Research Insights
- Agency and Support Service Challenges
- Service Provider Challenges and Burnout
- The Role of Compassion and Human Connection
Learn more about this episode:
https://www.lifesdirtylittlesecretspodcast.com/episodes/secret-26-victim-blame-with-amy-beddows
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In this episode of Life's Dirty Little Secrets, we delve into the multifaceted concept of "Sisu" with our esteemed guest, Dr. Elisabet Lahti, the founder of Sisu Lab and an educator devoutly studying this Finnish philosophy. Dr. Lahti unravels the threads of extraordinary determination encapsulated in Sisu, a reserve of power each of us harbors for life's most challenging moments.
Embarking on a journey through the psyche, this discussion explores the engaging intersection between Sisu and human progress, analyzing how one's action mindset and courage can transform perceived impossibilities into stepping stones for personal growth. Dr. Lahti constructs a compelling narrative around Sisu as an embodied somatic fortitude, distinguishing it from cognitive traits like passion or resilience.
However, this episode isn't just about the strengths of Sisu. Dr. Lahti candidly discusses its potential dark side—when determination morphs into stubbornness or when excess grit leads to burnout, revealing the fine line between fortitude and fragility.
- Introduction to Dr. Elisabet Lahti and the Concept of Sisu
- The Core Elements of Sisu
- Sisu in the Face of Adversity and Personal Challenges
- Sisu and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
- Commitment and Courage in Sisu
- The Balance of Determination and Gentleness
SHOW NOTES: https://www.lifesdirtylittlesecretspodcast.com/episodes/Secret-25-Gentle-Power-with-Dr-Elisabet-Lahti
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In this episode, we welcome the insightful Katie Palmer, a renowned educational consultant and parenting coach, who dives deep into the controversial and emotional topic of parental favoritism. Katie invites listeners to explore the reluctant admittance of having a 'favorite child' and the potential psychological impact this taboo subject can have on family dynamics.
This episode peels back the layers on the challenging issue of fair versus equal treatment and the intricacies of parenting. Discover how balancing different needs does not invariably equate to equitable treatment and why understanding this distinction is fundamental in nurturing well-rounded individuals.
Listeners will find themselves deeply engrossed in personal anecdotes and expert insights that shine a light on the internal struggles parents face when connecting with their offspring. Especially poignant is the examination of shared values, teenage rebellion, and the constant negotiation of needs and values within the family structure.
Highlights:
- Insights on reluctance in admitting favoritism among children
- The Emotional Challenges of Parenting and Fairness
- The Favorite Child: Parental Perspectives and Dilemmas
- Balancing Values, Needs, and Relationship Dynamics
- Fairness vs. Equality: Understanding the Distinction
SHOW NOTES: https://www.lifesdirtylittlesecretspodcast.com/episodes/Secret-24-The-Favorite-Child-with-Katie-Palmer
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Resources Mentioned in this episode:
A study on the notion of a “favorite child” from Purdue University
An article on parent favoritism from The Institute for Family Studies
Two books by Anthony Wolf:
- Mom, Jason’s breathing on me: The solution to sibling bickering. Ballantine Books. (2003).
- It’s not fair, Jeremy Spencer’s parents let him stay up all night: A guide to the tougher parts of parenting. Farrar, Straus and Giroux . (1996).
Siblings without rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too. W. W. Norton & Company; Revised edition (2012). by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish·
In this enlightening Life's Dirty Little Secrets episode hosts Emma Waddington and Chris McCurry delve deep with the Buddhist philosopher, Stephen Batchelor on navigating ethical dilemmas in a world bound by societal norms. In this episode, Stephen challenges listeners to find courage and clarity in uncertainty, and to embrace radical self-acceptance as a means to thoughtful, compassionate living.
Touching on the need for like-minded communities amid the decline of traditional institutions, this episode encourages individuals to consciously forge new support systems. Stephen's call for a personal approach to spirituality and ethics resonates throughout the discussion, advocating for a non-binary grasp of morality.
Tune in to explore the balance between individual beliefs and societal pressures, and how meditation groups can anchor us in a turbulent sea of systemic issues. "Good and Evil with Stephen Batchelor" is a must-hear for those wrestling with life's complex ethical questions.
Highlights:
- The Nature of Ethical Choices
- Personal Values vs. Societal Pressures
- Inner Values and Intuition
- Stress, Binary Thinking, and Language
- Self-Acceptance and Growth
Timestamps:
[00:00] Striking similarities in inner struggles, liberating experience.
[05:07] Overwhelmed by thoughts, emotions, habits, regrets, grudges. Ethical uncertainty.
[06:35] Striving for best intentions often leads astray.
[12:58] Ethics is about becoming the best version of oneself.
[14:25] Ethics is about shaping and forming oneself.
[18:29] Tradition must adapt to the changing world.
[23:45] Ethics and imagination crucial for societal change.
[26:02] Encouraging tough questions, creativity, and ethical change.
[28:20] Marvel at the mysterious complexity of human society.
[33:07] Influential counterculture can inspire real societal change.
[36:22] Challenging binary thinking for ethical understanding.
[41:35] Language reinforces binary habits, rooted in evolution.
[43:58] Radical self-acceptance is vital in ethical training.
[46:48] Focus on non-reactive attention, ethics, community bonds.
[50:27] Navigating questions, offering support, creating understanding.
About Stephen BatchelorStephen Batchelor is a former monk in the Tibetan and Zen traditions. He has translated Shantideva’s A Guide to the Bodhisattva’s Way of Life and is the author of Alone with Others, The Faith to Doubt, The Tibet Guide, The Awakening of the West, Buddhism without Beliefs, and Verses from the Center. He is a contributing editor of Tricycle magazine, a guiding teacher at Gaia House Retreat Centre, and cofounder of Sharpham College for Buddhist Studies and Contemporary Inquiry in Devon, England. He lives in southwest France and lectures and conducts meditation retreats worldwide.
Related ResourcesLearn more about Stephen Batchelor
Order your copy of the Art of Solitude and Living with the Devil
Episodes mentioned -
Secret #2: We Are Not Alone with Martin Wilks
Secret #17: Adolescenting - How to be an Adolescent with Dr. Louise Hayes
Join hosts Emma Waddington and Chris McCurry, alongside esteemed guest Dr. Patricia Zurita Ona (affectionately known as Dr. Z), as they delve deep into the intricate maze of perfectionism. Together, they unravel the complexities that drive our relentless pursuit of flawlessness and the hidden costs it entails.
Dr. Z opens the discussion by dissecting the motivations behind perfectionistic tendencies, from a profound care for one's work to the haunting fear of failure and the rigid adherence to internalized rules. As she shares fascinating insights from her clinical experience, you'll learn about the crucial need to examine these often subconscious guidelines that forge our actions and shape our lives.
The hosts also reflect on societal pressures and the intricate balance of caring for others while nurturing self-compassion. They converse about the paradox of promoting self-care when society often glorifies self-sacrifice, and Emma candidly shares her own journey toward understanding that self-kindness manifests in various, sometimes unexpected, forms.
Dr. Z advocates for a balanced approach to high achievement by laying bare a comical yet relatable anecdote about her quest for the perfect TV - a metaphorical invitation for listeners to contemplate when to aim for the stars and when 'good enough' truly suffices.
Highlights:
- Understanding Perfectionism
- The Concept of the "Maximizer"
- Self-Compassion and Self-Care
- Social and Interpersonal Perfectionism
- Radical Acceptance and Personal Values
Timestamps:
[00:00] Fear of failure and rigid rules controlling behavior.
[05:18] Understanding client's struggles, mind's protective patterns.
[10:21] Dismissing standards invalidates and fosters fear.
[12:53] Caring about values & flexibility in actions.
[15:58] Approach tasks with fear or expansion.
[18:52] Reflect on motivations driving urges and choices.
[22:49] Teenager's stress due to late-night studying.
[26:09] Helping people with self-compassion and growth.
[28:46] Prioritizing health, limitations, and personal connections.
[31:41] Struggling to balance responsibilities and emotions.
[35:39] Taking ownership of what matters is liberating.
[40:55] Advising on decision-making: maximize or satisfy?
About Dr. Zurita Ona
Listen to Dr. Z’s Playing-It-Safe Podcast
Read Dr. Z’s book Acceptance and Commitment Skills for Perfectionism and High-Achieving Behaviors: Do Things Your Way, Be Yourself, and Live a Purposeful Life
Visit Dr. Z’s Website
In this episode of "Life's Dirty Little Secrets," hosts Emma Waddington and Chris McCurry invite Kristen Campbell, a clinical psychosexual therapist, to delve deep into the secrets of our sexual selves. From exploring the emotional neglect in previous generations to the importance of personal responsibility for pleasure, this episode promises to challenge deeply ingrained societal messages around sexuality and provide valuable insights.
Kristen touches on the lack of investment in sexual development as people grow, leading to anxiety and feelings of inadequacy in partnered experiences. She emphasizes the importance of personal responsibility for pleasure and the need to learn about sexual experiences on one's own to reduce pressure. Together with Emma and Chris, she advocates for cultivating healthy sexual practices from childhood through adulthood, while addressing the taboo and societal beliefs surrounding sexual development.
Join the hosts and guest as they discuss the impact of mismatched libido in couples, the need for open conversations about sexual desires, and the importance of giving oneself permission to explore and discover what truly brings pleasure
Highlights:
- Importance of Personal Responsibility in Sexual Development
- Parental Guidance and Children's Sexual Development
- Cultivating a Healthy Masturbation Practice
- Effort in Sexual Relationships
- Talking with Children about Bodies and Pleasure
Resources:
Family Planning Queensland - Traffic Light Resource - Sexual Behaviors
Secret #8: The Taboo of Sex with Kristen Campbell
About Kristen Campbell
Visit Kristen’s website: http://www.kristencampbell.com.au/about
I have been working as a Social Worker for 15 years and have worked in a range of settings including mental health (inpatient & community services) and interpersonal trauma (sexual assault & domestic violence). In the last 7-8 years I have been working in Private Practice, providing therapy to both individuals and couples. I currently specialise in Sex & Relationship therapy, but continue to be passionate about the impact of trauma and adverse events in people’s lives and how this impacts attachments to other people and effects day to day functioning. I also hold a teaching role with the University of Sydney, within the Sexual & Reproductive Health faculty.
I aim to provide a space where people can feel safe, brave and supported as they navigate the challenges in their relationships and their lives. I am a big believer that we develop responses to situations we find ourselves in, so you will find my approach non-pathologising and I work to collaborate with you in understanding what has happened in your life and how to move forward with your goals.
I will be a good fit for those who are wanting a direct, empathic approach and for those who have developed their goals and believe in their capacity for change.
In this episode, we delve into the controversial notion of "normal." Renowned psychologist, Dr. Steven C. Hayes, challenges the traditional understanding of normalcy, and exposes its historical ties to eugenics and the distortion by scientists for over a century.
Dr. Hayes advocates for a shift from standardized, one-size-fits-all treatment plans, instead, highlighting the importance of individual differences and the need for personalized approaches in therapy and medicine.
Join us as we explore the implications of embracing individual diversity and the potential for AI tools to tailor treatments based on individual choices. This thought-provoking discussion sheds light on the complexities of mental health and the importance of valuing individual voices in a world obsessed with the concept of "normal."
Highlights:
- Dr. Steve Hayes' Critique of Statistical Models and Emphasis on Individual Differences
- The Concept of "Normal" and Its Historical Context
- Embracing Common Humanity and the Myth of "Normal" Versus "Broken" Individuals
- Personalization in Mental Health and Behavioral Health
- Use of Technology and Data for Personalized Psychology
About Dr. Steven C. Hayes
Check out Dr. Hayes Youtube Channel
Join Psychflex - Get first 30 days for free
Visit Institute For Better health
Follow Dr. Hayes on Linkedin
Visit Dr. Hayes website and get his free newsletter
Dr. Steven C. Hayes is an Emeritus Professor of Psychology at the University of Nevada, Reno and President of the Institute for Better Health, a nearly 50-year old charitable organization dedicated to better mental and behavioral health. He is also the author of 48 books and over 700 scientific articles, originator of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and Relational Frame Theory, and co-founder of Process-Based Therapy and of PsychFlex.
Dr. Hayes has been President of the Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies and the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science, among other scientific groups. His work has been recognized by several awards, including the Lifetime Achievement Award from the Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies and the Impact of Science on Application Award from the Society for the Advancement of Behavior Analysis. A Fellow of the American Association for the Advancement of Science, he is one of the most cited psychologists in the world.
For season 2 of "Life's Dirty Little Secrets" podcast, hosts Chris McCurry and Emma Waddington express the importance of embracing our fallibility in a society that often rewards pretending to be perfect.
They give a sneak peek of the exciting conversations lined up for the upcoming season, featuring guests and topics such as Steve Hayes (myth of normalcy), Kristen Campbell (our sexual selves), Elisabeth Lahti (the Finnish concept of sisu), Dr. Zurita (the downsides of perfectionism), and Stephen Batchelor (the duality of good and evil) and more.
Don't miss out on this insightful and engaging podcast that delves into the depths of human existence by exploring life's dirty little secrets with honesty and compassion. Follow, rate, and review the podcast on your preferred platform to help spread the word and reach new listeners.
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In the season 1 finale of Life's Dirty Little Secrets, hosts Emma Waddington and Chris McCurry explore the profound complexities of embracing change and fostering personal growth. Through candid and introspective discussions, they delve into the challenges of self-doubt, imposter syndrome, and the transformative power of second-order change.
Drawing from their experiences and insights gained throughout the past year of podcasting, Emma and Chris reflect on the invaluable lessons learned and express gratitude for the privilege of witnessing the genuine human experiences shared on their show. They also offer a glimpse into the forthcoming Season 2, tantalizing listeners with the promise of deeper exploration and engaging discourse.
Tune in as Emma and Chris guide listeners through the intricacies of life's less-discussed nuances, inspiring introspection and a renewed appreciation for the journey of self-discovery.
Highlights:
- Importance of Conversations and Understanding in Relationships
- The Role of Wonder and Curiosity in Adulthood
- Cultural Emphasis on Productivity and Recognition
- Letting Go of Control and Focusing on Efforts
- Body Image, Self-Esteem, and Burnout
- Reflections on the Podcast's Past Year
- Embracing Discomfort for Growth
Follow us on Facebook @lifesdirtylittlesecretspodcast and on Instagram @lifesdirtylittlesecrets
Reach out and let us know you are listening and what you would like to hear on the show - email:lifesdirtylittlesecretspodcast@gmail.com
In this episode of "Life's Dirty Little Secrets," join hosts Emma Waddington and Chris McCurry as they dive into the world of adolescence, exploring its challenges, growth opportunities, and the curious minds that define it. Joined by special guest Louise Hayes, a clinical psychologist and author, they discuss why adults struggle with adolescents, the importance of embracing mistakes and taking risks, and the power of curiosity and creativity. They also touch on Louise's volunteer work with the Pearl Trust, a charity helping children in Nepal. Get ready to embrace your inner adolescent and discover the secrets to navigating life's messy moments on this thought-provoking episode.
Highlights:
- Adolescence and the Importance of Discovery and Risk-Taking
- Nurturing a Sense of Wonder and Openness as Adults
- Adult Struggles with Adolescents
- Louise Hayes' Work and Involvement with Pearl Trust
- Reflecting on Growing Up and Remembering What It's Like to Be a Kid
- Challenges of Parenting and Respecting Adolescents' Autonomy
About Dr. Louise Hayes
Visit Dr. Hayes’ website
Dr Louise Hayes is a clinical psychologist, author, international speaker, and educator. She is a Fellow and Past President of the Association for Contextual Behavioural Science. Louise currently holds a position as Adjunct Senior Research Fellow at La Trobe University, where she collaborates on projects using contextual behavioural science. She is a peer-reviewed Acceptance and Commitment Therapy/Training (ACT) trainer engaged in training professionals worldwide. Together with Joseph Ciarrochi, she developed DNA-v, a leading acceptance and commitment therapy model that has sparked international studies. In 2022 she released a new book for helping adults thrive in the face of change – What Makes You Stronger. She is the co-author of two best-selling books for young people – Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life for Teenagers; and Your Life Your Way. She is also the co-author of the practitioner book, The Thriving Adolescent. Louise is an active clinician, working with adults and adolescents. Louise’s passion project and the highlight of her work is establishing a not-for-profit endeavour of taking professionals on the journey of their life into the Himalayas to develop their mindful way of being while raising funds to help children in remote Nepal. She is also a certified Buddhist meditation teacher in the Dzogchen tradition.
Follow us on Facebook @lifesdirtylittlesecretspodcast and on Instagram @lifesdirtylittlesecrets
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In this episode of "Life's Dirty Little Secrets," hosts Emma Waddington and Chris McCurry delve into the complexities and challenges of promoting autonomy in children. They are joined by special guest Emily Edlund, a clinical psychologist, academic, and author, who shares her experiences and insights on the topic. The conversation covers the importance of maintaining a trusting relationship during adolescence, the dangers of using the phone as a weapon in parenting, and the need for ongoing conversations about technology use. They discuss strategies for autonomy-supportive parenting, including empathy, problem-solving, and allowing independence
Highlights:
- The positive impact of allowing child autonomy and self-determination
- Challenges and pitfalls of excessive control in parenting
- Ongoing conversations about technology use and trends
- Common anxieties and challenges in letting go of control
- Different parenting styles and concerns for success
About Dr. Emily Edlynn
Check our Dr. Edlynn’s website
Follow @DrEmilyEdlynn on Instagram:
Read Dr. Edlynn’s Substack
Emily Edlynn is a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in pediatric health psychology who works in private practice with children, teens, and adults. She has a BA in English from Smith College, a PhD in clinical psychology from Loyola University Chicago, and completed postgraduate training at Stanford and Children’s Hospital Orange County. Emily spent almost ten years working in children’s hospitals before pivoting to private practice, which allowed her to start a writing career. Emily has written her blog, The Art and Science of Mom, since 2017 and a parenting advice column for Parents.com since 2019. Emily’s writing has also appeared in the Washington Post, Scary Mommy, Good Housekeeping, Motherly, and more. She recently joined the Psychologists Off the Clock podcast as a co-host and is the author of a new book, Autonomy-Supportive Parenting: Reduce Parental Burnout and Raise Competent Confident Children. Emily lives with her husband, three children, and two rescue dogs in Oak Park, IL where she can see Chicago’s skyline from her attic window.
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In this episode of "Life's Dirty Little Secrets," hosts Emma Waddington and Chris McCurry dive deep into the topic of burnout with special guest, Dr. Debbie Sorensen. Burnout is a widespread issue in today's society, especially in chronically stressful roles such as the workplace, parenting, and caregiving. Dr. Sorensen sheds light on the importance of reconnecting with our values to combat burnout and regain vitality in our lives. Join us as we explore the misconceptions surrounding burnout, its impact on various professions, and the need for systemic changes to address this prevalent issue. Don't miss this eye-opening conversation about reclaiming purpose, finding relief, and nurturing our well-being in the face of burnout.
Highlights:
- Understanding Burnout and its Causes
- Reconnecting with Values
- Burnout in the Healthcare Industry
- Coping Strategies for Stress
- Support and Relief from Burnout
- Detachment and Disengagement as Coping Mechanisms
About Dr. Debbie Sorensen
Visit Dr. Sorensen’s website
Follow Dr. Sorensen on Twitter
Check out @drdebbiesorensen Instagram account
I am a clinical psychologist with a private therapy practice in Denver, Colorado. I specialize in providing individual Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for adults. My approach centers on helping my clients live a meaningful life, engage in effective behavior patterns, and have a healthy relationship with their thoughts and emotions.
I am a co-author of the book ACT Daily Journal: Get Unstuck and Live Fully with Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, and a co-founder and co-host the popular psychology podcast Psychologists Off The Clock. On the podcast, we interview experts in the field of psychology and discuss ideas that can help people thrive.
I have a Ph.D. in Psychology from Harvard University, and graduated summa cum laude with a bachelor’s degree in psychology and anthropology from the University of Colorado, Boulder. I completed an APA-accredited clinical psychology internship at the Edith Nourse Rogers Memorial Veterans Hospital in Bedford, Massachusetts. I then spent 12 years working as a psychologist on interdisciplinary medical teams at the VA Eastern Colorado Health Care System, where I worked with veterans with disabilities, chronic health conditions (including MS and ALS), and chronic pain. After that, I worked for about two years as a part-time Clinical Research Psychologist at the Rocky Mountain VA MIRECC for Suicide Prevention. I co-founded ImpACT Psychology Colorado, a psychotherapy collective in Denver/Boulder, and the Healthcare Wellbeing Collective, which provides mental health support and resources for Healthcare Professionals. I currently serve as a co-president of the Women’s Special Interest Group of the Association of Contextual Behavioral Science.
In this episode of Life’s Dirty Little Secrets,, we dive into the topic of motivation and how it can influence our ability to meet deadlines and make positive changes in our lives. Our guest, Michelle Drapkin, shares her personal struggles with motivation and explores various strategies she has tried to improve her time management skills. We also discuss the importance of autonomy and acceptance in motivating others, as well as the principles of motivational interviewing. Tune in to gain insights and practical tips for finding your own motivation and helping others find theirs.
Highlights:
- Exploring Motivation and Challenges
- Promoting Autonomy and Understanding Others
- Motivational Interviewing and Empowerment
- Core Concepts of Motivational Interviewing
- Addressing Anxiety and Developing Mindfulness
More about Dr. Michelle Drapkin
Visit Dr. Drapkin’s website
Purchase The Motivational Interviewing Path to Personal Change: The Essential Workbook for Creating the Life You Want
Follow Dr. Drapkin on Linkedin
Dr. Michelle Drapkin is the founder and director of the CBT Center. She is a board-certified clinical psychologist, licensed in New Jersey, New York, and Pennsylvania and part of the Psychological Interjurisdictional Compact (PSYPACT), which enables her to see patients virtually in almost 30 other states. Dr. Drapkin specializes in individuals (both late adolescents and adults), couples, and families. She strongly believes in developing the most effective treatment plan for each individual’s needs.
Dr. Drapkin has held a variety of roles across different industries, including healthcare at Johnson & Johnson and academia as faculty at the University of Pennsylvania. She consults in the behavior science and health technology arenas and tries to stay on the bleeding edge of science-backed treatment approaches. She was featured recently by the Association of Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies (ABCT) and was interviewed on the Full Potential Movement.
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In this episode, join us as our guest, Jonathan Shippey, unpacks the secret of Happily Ever After. We explore the limerence phase and how couples can sustain it for up to two years without progressing. Unveiling the importance of building trust, we discuss how conflict can deepen knowledge and strengthen relationships. We also challenge the notion of "happily ever after" and explore the power of small adjustments in the present moment. Tune in as we reveal the secrets to a happy relationship and navigate the ups and downs of love together.
Highlights:
- Understanding the phases of love in relationships
- The role of conflict in building trust
- Personal anecdotes and experiences with relationship challenges
- Embracing the concept of "small things often"
- Challenging the idea of "happily ever after"
- Validating emotions and understanding in relationships
More About Jonathan Shippey
Visit Healing Bridge’s website: https://healingbridgetherapy.com/
Follow Jonathan on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JonathanShippeyLMFT
Jonathan Shippey has been a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice since 1999 and has served clients in the Louisville, Kentucky area since completion of his Master of Arts in Marriage & Family Therapy from Louisville Presbyterian Seminary in 1997. Jonathan also holds a Masters degree in music composition from Southern Seminary, as well as a Bachelors degree in biology from Furman University in Greenville, South Carolina.
Jonathan is a Clinical Fellow with the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy and is a Certified Gottman Couples Therapist and Workshop Leader, having been personally trained by Drs. John and Julie Gottman at their Seattle Relationship Institute. He regularly leads the “Art and Science of Love” weekend workshop for couples and the Level 1, 2, 3 Gottman Method trainings for clinicians. Jonathan is among a select few whom John and Julie have invited to assist with private retreats in their home on Orcas Island, Washington. He is one of only 25 Advanced Clinical Trainers worldwide so designated by the Gottman Institute and also serves as a Consultant for those wishing to become certified in the Gottman Method.
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In this episode we dive into the fascinating topic of imposter syndrome and psychological flexibility with guest expert, Dr. Jill Stoddard. Join us as we explore the discomfort of imposter syndrome and how being open and willing can lead to positive changes in our lives. Jill shares her unique therapy methods, involving mindful willingness experiences and exploring emotions, to help clients overcome imposter syndrome and embrace their true potential. We also discuss the societal and cultural factors that contribute to imposter syndrome and the importance of aligning our values with being bold and brave. Don't miss this insightful and empowering conversation on conquering imposter syndrome and living the life we truly desire.
Highlights:
- Psychological Flexibility and Embracing Discomfort
- Overcoming the Imposter Phenomenon
- Therapy Sessions and Methods
- Factors contributing to Imposter Syndrome
- Imposter Thoughts and their Significance
- Promoting Psychological Flexibility
About Dr. Jill Stoddard
Visit Dr. Stoddard’s website
Follow @jillastoddard on Instagram
Connect with Dr. Stoddard on LinkedIn
Jill Stoddard is passionate about sharing science-backed ideas from psychology to help people thrive. She is a psychologist, writer, TEDx speaker, award-winning teacher, peer-reviewed ACT trainer, and co-host of the popular Psychologists Off the Clock podcast. Dr. Stoddard is the author of three books: The Big Book of ACT Metaphors: A Practitioner’s Guide to Experiential Exercises and Metaphors in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy; Be Mighty: A Woman’s Guide to Liberation from Anxiety, Worry, and Stress Using Mindfulness and Acceptance; and Imposter No More: Overcome Self-doubt and Imposterism to Cultivate a Successful Career. Her writing has also appeared in Psychology Today, Scary Mommy, Thrive Global, The Good Men Project, and Mindful Return. She regularly appears on podcasts and as an expert source for various media outlets. She lives in Newburyport, MA with her husband, two kids, and disobedient French Bulldog.
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Many working parents feel that they aren’t doing a good enough job in any of the roles they fill. Instead of trying to get rid of parental guilt, in this real play, Dr. Diana Hill works with me to get more psychologically flexible with it. Diana will demonstrate each of the core processes of ACT and then debrief the role play and explore which interventions had the biggest impact.
Highlights:
- A demonstration of each of the core psychological flexibility processes
- How to develop more flexible awareness when experiencing guilt
- How to practice acceptance with parental guilt
- An exercise to increase self-compassion
- Perspective Taking to get out of your guilt story
- A metaphor to help defuse your thoughts
- The link between guilt and your values
- How parental guilt can be your mindfulness bell
- Two psychologists debrief of an ACT real play
More about Dr. Diana Hill
Diana Hill, PhD is a clinical psychologist, international trainer and sought-out speaker on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and compassion. Host of the podcast Your Life in Process and co-author of ACT Daily Journal, Diana works with organizations, high-achievers, and health professionals who are committed to becoming psychologically flexible so that they can move from striving to thriving at work, home, and around the globe. Diana blogs for Psychology Today, is a guest teacher at InsightLA, Blue Spirit Costa Rica, PESI, Praxis Continuing Education and Insight Timer Meditation. A specialist in Acceptance and Commitment Training, Diana guides high achievers, leaders, and organizations to develop psychological flexibility so that they can take wise action toward more fulfilling and meaningful lives.
Diana practices what she preaches in her daily life as a mom of two, bee guardian, and yoga practitioner.
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In this episode we are joined by special guest, Ana Waddington. Ana, a healthcare professional with first-hand experience in the violence reduction field, shares her insights on the challenges faced by those in the healthcare system and the toll it takes on their well-being.
From the lack of debriefing opportunities to the housing crisis impacting patient care, Ana sheds light on the daily struggles healthcare workers face. The conversation also explores how moral injury extends beyond just healthcare professionals, affecting teachers and other helping professions. Listeners will gain a deeper understanding of the interconnectedness of trauma, burnout, and compassion fatigue, as well as the importance of addressing moral injury to provide proper support and resources for those on the frontlines. Don't miss this enlightening episode as we uncover the hidden costs of caring deeply in an often overwhelming system.
Highlights:
- Debriefing and Psychological Support in Healthcare
- Moral Injury in Healthcare
- Coping with Trauma and Burnout
- Understanding Moral Injury
- Challenges in Healthcare Systems
- Finding Joy and Addressing Burnout
More About Ana Waddington:
Follow Ana on Twitter: @alwaddington
Ana Waddington is a registered paediatric nurse with extensive experience in frontline emergency care, both in paediatrics and in adults. She is particularly passionate about adolescent care. She has worked in the emergency department of Europe's largest trauma centre. During the pandemic, Ana was seconded part time as the first paediatric nurse to work for the physicians response unit. She then proceeded to work as a trauma coordinator supporting patients through their trauma journey. She spent a year working as a critical care outreach nurse, stabilising the most sickest patients in the hospital. She is now pursuing her dream of working with the most vulnerable by being seconded to help set up a rough sleeper outreach team in Camden. Throughout her time as a nurse, she set up a not-for-profit called YourStance, in response to the growing amount of young people dying from stab wounds in London. YourStance, now in its 5th year, brings experienced frontline staff directly to the most vulnerable at risk young people to train them on how to save a life. She won RCN’s nurse of the year 2020, in the year of the nurse, as a result of this initiative. She also now lecturers at Queen Mary university in adolescents for the Paediatric Emergency Medicine masters. Ana is a keen (but slow) runner and loves to take long hikes with her partner and rescue dog.
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Reach out and let us know you are listening and what you would like to hear on the show - email:lifesdirtylittlesecretspodcast@gmail.com
In this episode we are joined by special guest, Ana Waddington. Ana, a healthcare professional with first-hand experience in the violence reduction field, shares her insights on the challenges faced by those in the healthcare system and the toll it takes on their well-being.
From the lack of debriefing opportunities to the housing crisis impacting patient care, Ana sheds light on the daily struggles healthcare workers face. The conversation also explores how moral injury extends beyond just healthcare professionals, affecting teachers and other helping professions. Listeners will gain a deeper understanding of the interconnectedness of trauma, burnout, and compassion fatigue, as well as the importance of addressing moral injury to provide proper support and resources for those on the frontlines. Don't miss this enlightening episode as we uncover the hidden costs of caring deeply in an often overwhelming system.
Highlights:
- Debriefing and Psychological Support in Healthcare
- Moral Injury in Healthcare
- Coping with Trauma and Burnout
- Understanding Moral Injury
- Challenges in Healthcare Systems
- Finding Joy and Addressing Burnout
More About Ana Waddington:
Follow Ana on Twitter: @alwaddington
Ana Waddington is a registered paediatric nurse with extensive experience in frontline emergency care, both in paediatrics and in adults. She is particularly passionate about adolescent care. She has worked in the emergency department of Europe's largest trauma centre. During the pandemic, Ana was seconded part time as the first paediatric nurse to work for the physicians response unit. She then proceeded to work as a trauma coordinator supporting patients through their trauma journey. She spent a year working as a critical care outreach nurse, stabilising the most sickest patients in the hospital. She is now pursuing her dream of working with the most vulnerable by being seconded to help set up a rough sleeper outreach team in Camden. Throughout her time as a nurse, she set up a not-for-profit called YourStance, in response to the growing amount of young people dying from stab wounds in London. YourStance, now in its 5th year, brings experienced frontline staff directly to the most vulnerable at risk young people to train them on how to save a life. She won RCN’s nurse of the year 2020, in the year of the nurse, as a result of this initiative. She also now lecturers at Queen Mary university in adolescents for the Paediatric Emergency Medicine masters. Ana is a keen (but slow) runner and loves to take long hikes with her partner and rescue dog.
Follow us on Facebook @lifesdirtylittlesecretspodcast and on Instagram @lifesdirtylittlesecrets
Reach out and let us know you are listening and what you would like to hear on the show - email:lifesdirtylittlesecretspodcast@gmail.com
In this episode, we dive into the theme of subtraction with special guest, Leidy Klotz. Leidy discusses the difficulty of changing beliefs when confronted with conflicting evidence, sharing intriguing insights from a psychology study involving a doomsday cult. The conversation also explores the power of analogies in reshaping our mental models and understanding.
Tune in to this thought-provoking episode as we reveal the power of subtraction in changing beliefs, decluttering our lives, and seeking simplicity amidst the chaos.
Highlights:
- Difficulty of changing beliefs when faced with conflicting evidence
- Importance of analogies in changing beliefs
- Reflection on loss aversion and the importance of considering meaning and desired outcome before subtracting
- The role of biology and the desire to acquire things for survival
- The association of mental health with feeling overwhelmed and struggling with unhelpful thoughts and behaviors
- Tendency to add more tasks or responsibilities in times of stress instead of simplifying
- Cognitive load and the influence on relying on heuristics
About Leidy Klotz
Leidy Klotz studies the science of design, which, he reminds us, is something we all do every day. His research has appeared in both Nature and Science and his debut popular science book, Subtract, is among the most influential published in 2021 and is already on all-time reading lists for both design and behavioral science.
A professor at the University of Virginia, Leidy has authored more than 80 original research articles and secured more than $10 million dollars in competitive funding to support his and others’ work in this area. Recognized nationally as a professor who inspires, Leidy has taught thousands of students, including 21 Ph.D. advisees, whose designing and teaching shapes the world. Leidy's scholarship benefits from diversity and inclusion as more than three quarters of his advisees are from groups underrepresented in their respective fields.
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Discover the shocking truth about self-esteem that challenges everything you thought you knew. Enter a world where comparisons and evaluations are replaced with self-acceptance and compassion. Brace yourself for an unexpected twist that will leave you questioning the very foundation of your beliefs. Are you ready to embark on a journey of personal growth and well-being? Get ready to unlock the secret to true fulfillment, as we unravel the mysteries of self-esteem...
Highlights:
- Research Findings on Self-Esteem
- The Downside of Boosting Self-Esteem
- The Fragility of Self-Esteem
- The Importance of Flexible Self-Esteem
- Changing Self-Esteem Over Time
- Threats to Self-Esteem in Different Contexts
- The Role of Self-Doubt in Growth and Learning
More about Joe Oliver:
Joe is a Consultant Clinical Psychologist and director for Contextual Consulting, an ACT based consultancy in the UK, offering training, coaching and therapy.Joe is joint-director for the University College London Cognitive Behavioural Therapy in Psychosis Post Graduate Diploma, whilst also holding a post within the NHS. He is a peer reviewed ACBS ACT trainer and regularly trains professionals both nationally and internationally. Joe is co-editor of the textbook, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and Mindfulness for Psychosis and co-author of the ACT self-help book, ACTivate Your Life.
Visit Joe’s website: http://actforpsychosis.com/joe-oliver
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On this episode of Life’s Dirty Little Secrets, we dive deep into the taboo of sex with our special guest Kristen Campbell. We explore the importance of pleasure and the varied ways in which it can be expressed and experienced. We discuss the challenges that arise from the societal taboo around discussing pleasure and how having open conversations is necessary for our understanding and exploration of it. We debunk myths and misconceptions about what is considered normal or healthy in terms of pleasure, and emphasize the importance of communication and understanding individual needs in relationships. We also examine the roots of the taboo of sex in religion, societal structures, and fear, and the impact it has on individuals and communities. Our guest shares their insights as a sex therapist, and highlights the importance of knowledge and education in empowering individuals to have healthier and more fulfilling sexual experiences. Tune in to this thought-provoking episode as we challenge the silence and stigma surrounding sex and delve into the complexities of human sexuality.
Highlights:
- Taboo on sex: cultural, religious, and individual factors
- Normal sexual responses and societal influences
- Pleasure, taboo, myths, desire, arousal, intimacy
- Taboos around healthy sexual relationships, diverse expressions
Resources discussed in this episode:
- Emily Nagoski: Book and podcast. Both titled, “Come as you are”. www.emilynagoski.com
- Research on the impact of porn on our brains, especially males. www.yourbrainonporn.com.au
- Sex education resource for adults. www.beducated.com
- Talking to children about sexual development. www.healthywa.wa.gove.au/Articles/S-T/Talk-soon-Talk-often
- Sex education for teens, www.bishuk.com
- An education resource for females. www.omgyes.com
About Kristen Campbell
Visit Kristen’s website: http://www.kristencampbell.com.au/about
I have been working as a Social Worker for 15 years and have worked in a range of settings including mental health (inpatient & community services) and interpersonal trauma (sexual assault & domestic violence). In the last 7-8 years I have been working in Private Practice, providing therapy to both individuals and couples. I currently specialise in Sex & Relationship therapy, but continue to be passionate about the impact of trauma and adverse events in people’s lives and how this impacts attachments to other people and effects day to day functioning. I also hold a teaching role with the University of Sydney, within the Sexual & Reproductive Health faculty.
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Being a working parent is a balancing act that requires juggling numerous roles and responsibilities. It's a challenging situation, marked by the constant tension between work commitments and parental responsibilities. However, this tension can also offer opportunities for personal growth, learning, and skill development. With the right perspective, our experiences as working parents can positively influence our parenting style and enrich our ability to navigate conflicts and challenges with grace. Chris McCurry and Emma Waddington bring this topic to life during their conversation with Dr. Yael Schonbrun. Dr. Schonbrun points out how dealing with the role tension of being a working parent has helped her develop valuable skills such as multitasking, perspective-taking, and flexibility.
Highlights:
- Unravel effective strategies for creating harmony between parenting responsibilities and career aspirations.
- Tap into the healing power of storytelling as an integral part of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.
- Imbibe the art of cherishing minimal yet profound moments of joy and resilience within parenthood.
About Dr. Yael Schonbrun
Purchase Work Parent Drive by Dr. Yael Schonbrun on Amazon or at your local bookstore to gain valuable insights and strategies for navigating the tension between being a parent and working. https://www.amazon.com/Work-Parent-Thrive-Science-Backed-Strategies/dp/1611809657
Yael Schonbrun, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, assistant professor at Brown University, co-host of Psychologists Off the Clock: A podcast about the science and practice of living well, and mother of three. Yael’s academic research explores the interaction between relationship problems and mental health conditions.
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Join Emma and Chris as they delve into the often overlooked topic of grief.
In this episode, they are joined by Mahima Gupta, a clinical psychologist with over 10 years of experience. Mahima shares her personal experiences of grief, including the loss of her best friend to suicide and a devastating family tragedy. Through her story, listeners gain a deeper understanding of the complex emotions and challenges that come with grief. This episode provides valuable insights and offers support for those who may be experiencing their own grief or seeking to better understand the grieving process.
Highlights:
- Understanding Grief and the Need for Support
- Mahima Gupta's Personal Experience with Grief
- The Complexity of Grief and Trauma
- The Importance of Allowing Grief to Be Felt and Expressed
About Mahima:
Lean more about Mahima here
Mahima is a Clinical Psychologist, Integrated Clinical Hypnotherapist, Regression Therapist and Advanced EFT (Tapping) Practitioner educated in India, with training from the U.K., U.S., Holland and Australia. She is registered with the Singapore Register of Psychologists (SRP), is a member of Singapore Psychological Society (SPS), Singapore Association of Counsellors (SAC) and American Psychological Association (APA).
Mahima is trained in schema therapy, Gottman’s couples therapy, clinical hypnotherapy, regression, emotional freedom techniques (EFT tapping), matrix re-imprinting, neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), coaching, play therapy, REBT for children, reiki and disaster counselling. Mahima has nine years of clinical experience in psychological assessment, counselling and therapy.
She has a client-centred, action-oriented, psycho-spiritual therapeutic style, with a special interest in inner child work and positive psychology.
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On this episode of Life’s Dirty Little Secrets Podcast, we dive into the topic of body shame with guest Emily Sandoz. Our bodies are intimately tied to our experiences and can greatly affect our adaptability and flexibility. We discuss how chronic negative experiences can lead to rigidity and inflexibility when it comes to our body image. We explore the impact of social media on body awareness and how to cultivate mindfulness to focus on meaningful experiences rather than our appearance. Additionally, we touch upon striking a balance between body acceptance and the desire to change our appearance. Our relationship with our bodies requires intentionality and starting small, just like building a relationship with a friend. Tune in to learn more about body image flexibility and moving through life with freedom, dignity, and pleasure.
Dr. Sandoz is the Emma Louise LeBlanc Burguieres/BORSF Endowed Professor of Social Sciences in the Psychology Department at the University of Louisiana at Lafayette. Emily is the Director of the Louisiana Contextual Science Research Group and the Editor-in-Chief of the Journal of Contextual Behavioral Science. She has co-authored three books on acceptance and commitment therapy for struggles with eating and body image, along with chapters and journal articles on ACT, Relational Frame Theory, values, the therapeutic relationship, and psychological flexibility.
Highlights:
- The Effects of Negative and Positive Body Experiences
- Challenges and Pressures of Body Experience
- Social Media and Body Image
- Building a Healthy Relationship with Our Bodies
More about Emily Sandoz:
Emily has led more than 70 professional training workshops around the world, and serves as a peer-reviewed ACT trainer. She also practices as a Clinical Psychologist, focusing on clinical behavior analysis of body-related difficulties.
Read Emily’s book: Living with Your Body and Other Things You Hate: How to Let Go of Your Struggle with Body Image Using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy - https://www.amazon.com/Living-Your-Body-Other-Things/dp/1608821048/ref=sr_1_1?qid=1686081293&refinements=p_27%3AEmily+K.+Sandoz+PhD&s=books&sr=1-1
Emily’s Email: emily.sandoz@louisiana.edu
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On this episode of Life's Dirty Little Secrets, hosts Emma Waddington and Chris McCury are joined by Jim Lucas. The topic of discussion: self-doubt. Despite years of experience and professional development, all three still struggle with feelings of insecurity and uncertainty. hey discuss how self-doubt can hold us back, but also how it can be a useful tool for growth and exploration. From parenting to professional development, they explore the importance of being open and honest about what we don't know, and how it can actually help us become better at what we do.
Highlights:
- Understanding Self-Doubt in Clinical Work
- The Importance of Acknowledging Self-Doubt
- Facing Therapeutic Mistakes and Self-Doubt
- The Problem with Striving for Constant Confidence
More about Jim Lucas:
I’m Jim Lucas, and I live and work in Birmingham, UK.
I am a man in midlife who loves to learn and go on new adventures with fellow travellers.
I love helping people develop as a Cognitive Behavioural Therapist and ACT Trainer.
My career started young, so I’ve developed the expertise to help many people.
Using the skills I learned as a therapist, I’ve improved my life significantly (after thinking, “it will never work for me”).
I’ve helped 1000s of people transform their lives (after thinking, “I’ll never be able to help them”).
I’ve taught 1000s of therapists how to effectively do Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (after thinking, “I’ll never be as good as my teachers”).
More recently, I’ve decided to do less therapy and more teaching. I decided to grow my team and give them my trust to care for people who want our help. Our therapists have knowledge, qualifications and skills in evidence-based therapies
Where to find Jim:
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVMvl8_IFLV8oX1fjSazazQ
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jimlucasopenforwards/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/openforwards/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/openforwardsLtd
Website: https://openforwards.com/
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Struggling to feel like a full-fledged adult? Emma Waddington and Chris McCury discuss the topic of adulting and how it has become a modern phenomenon. They discuss the struggles of adulthood, how it has changed between generations and why people feel anxious about adulthood and its associated responsibilities.
Highlights:
- The idea of adulting
- Why adulting is discussed more now than in previous decades
- Why people feel uncertainty and doubts when it comes to being an adult
- Why people feel like they haven’t become adults
- Resources for making the leap into adulthood
Resources
How to Be a Person: 65 Hugely Useful, Super-Important Skills to Learn before You're Grown Up
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In this bonus track of Life's Dirty Little Secrets podcast, psychologist Martin Wilkes shares the inspiring story of a shaman tree's transformation after a devastating storm. The tree, once a mere runt among a group of elder oaks, was uprooted and nearly destroyed during the infamous 1988 UK gale. However, one of its roots seemingly transformed into a bow and brought balance back to the tree. Martin shares how this special tree has become his sanctuary and a source of natural wisdom, as well as a reminder of the healing power of nature. Tune in to hear his poignant message about the resilience of life and the ways in which nature can help us find our own balance after the storm.
More about Martin Wilks:
Martin Wilks is a Chartered Counselling Psychologist, Associate fellow of the British Psychological Society (AFBPsS), a Senior Practitioner member of the register of Psychologists specialising in Psychotherapy (ROPSIP) and is a registered applied psychology practice supervisor (RAPPS).
He has 3 decades experience of helping clients in a variety of contexts, from a wide range of ages, cultural, and socio-economic backgrounds. Having accumulated 16 years experience in the development, management and supervision of counselling services in a frontline London, public-sector institution he now works independently offering counselling, psychotherapy, coaching, mediation, supervision, training and mentoring.
To learn more about Martin:
Visit MartinWilks.com
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In this episode, psychologist Martin Wilkes challenges the prevailing idea of individualism in Western culture and highlights the neglected, yet vital connection we have with our planet and one another. As part of the Association of Contextual Behavioral Science, Wilkes explains how the concept of the self as context can help us move beyond our ego and embrace our shared interdependence. This thought-provoking discussion offers insights into how rediscovering this connection can not only heal ourselves, but our world as well.
Highlights:
- How industrial development has further separated humans from their interconnectivity with the environment and each other
- Why the rise of individualism in Western culture has alienated people from their sense of community and belongingness
- Why separating the scientist from the subject created a divide that led to the loss of the idea of interbeing
- How rediscovering our interconnectivity is essential for healing our personal selves and the planet as a whole
More about Martin Wilks:
Martin Wilks is a Chartered Counselling Psychologist, Associate fellow of the British Psychological Society (AFBPsS), a Senior Practitioner member of the register of Psychologists specialising in Psychotherapy (ROPSIP) and is a registered applied psychology practice supervisor (RAPPS).
He has 3 decades experience of helping clients in a variety of contexts, from a wide range of ages, cultural, and socio-economic backgrounds. Having accumulated 16 years experience in the development, management and supervision of counselling services in a frontline London, public-sector institution he now works independently offering counselling, psychotherapy, coaching, mediation, supervision, training and mentoring.
To learn more about Martin:
Visit MartinWilks.com
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Many of the secrets we carry are so common and we’re really all sharing the same shame and regret, but the hope is to have more compassion for each other but mostly for ourselves
In this episode, Emma and Chris talk with Dr. Diana Hill about her disordered eating recovery and how she applies the lessons she learned from this challenge to her therapy practice and daily living.
Diana Hill, PhD is a clinical psychologist, international trainer and sought-out speaker on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and compassion. Host of the podcast Your Life in Process and co-author of ACT Daily Journal, Diana works with organizations, high-achievers, and health professionals who are committed to becoming psychologically flexible so that they can move from striving to thriving at work, home, and around the globe. Diana blogs for Psychology Today, is a guest teacher at InsightLA, Blue Spirit Costa Rica, PESI, Praxis Continuing Education and Insight Timer Meditation. A specialist in Acceptance and Commitment Training, Diana guides high achievers, leaders, and organizations to develop psychological flexibility so that they can take wise action toward more fulfilling and meaningful lives.
Diana practices what she preaches in her daily life as a mom of two, bee guardian, and yoga practitioner.
Highlights:
- Explicit vs. Implicit reasons for becoming a therapist
- Why Diana became a therapist
- How our institutions are set up to suppress any human vulnerability
- Navigating life openly with our exposed secrets
- Taking leaps of faith and trusting the process
- An apprenticeship to uncertainty
- Why our clients secrets are not repelling to us
- The origin of our secrets
- What to do with the gift of our secrets
Resources
The Wild Edge of Sorrow - Francis Weller
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Reach out and let us know you are listening and what you would like to hear on the show - email:lifesdirtylittlesecretspodcast@gmail.com
We're all very human and fallible, and yet we live in a society that rewards pretending we're not fallible, or the range of acceptable fallibility is narrow.
We are constantly comparing our insides to other people's outsides and feeling inadequate and guilty, even ashamed.
Trying to blend in means parts of ourselves must disappear, and we must then live in fear that we will be found out.
Here, together, we will create a space where we can laugh, cry, and carry our suffering and hurts lightly, in the service of being deeply human.
This is Life's Dirty Little Secrets.