Still Becoming One: Recent Episodes
Brad & Kate Aldrich
We deeply desired a marriage based on God's design: two people coming together as "one flesh," but we had no idea how to do it. We tried and fell flat many times, going through many dark seasons. We wondered when the oneness was supposed to begin. Renewing grace and love in our marriage wasn't an easy process, but now, more than 20 years later, our marriage is thriving, and Brad is a licensed counselor, and Kate is a relationship coach. We work with couples and individuals who want to discover what building a one-flesh marriage means, helping them uncover and understand their stories and the unique challenges that keep them stuck. We invite you to journey with us as we are Still Becoming One.
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Midlife often brings profound shifts in purpose and identity, posing unique challenges for married couples. Is it the seven-year itch or something else? We explore how individuals, influenced by societal roles and personal growth, naturally evolve, sometimes leading to divergent paths. This evolution can feel threatening when one partner finds new life outside the marriage, potentially straining the relationship. Learn how to navigate these changes with curiosity, establish healthy boundaries, and foster deeper connections as you both continue to grow.
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Are you struggling to understand the deep longings within you, feeling trapped in your marriage, or like the spark has gone dim? In this episode, we welcome back author and licensed therapist Jay Stringer to discuss his groundbreaking new book, Desire: The Longings Inside Us and the New Science of How We Love, Heal, and Grow.
We talk with Jay and explore what motivated him to write this book, and his research on how understanding your desire dramatically impacts relationships. Discover how to stop sabotaging your relationship, differentiate from your partner to create a stronger connection, and move from a "freedom from" mindset to a "freedom for" purpose. This conversation is a transformative call to confront your past, heal attachment wounds, and use the disruptive power of desire to build a life and marriage that truly make you come alive.
Interested in exploring your story around unwanted desire? Brad is launching a new Unwanted Journey group with Jay's first book later this month. Find out more
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Are you tired of the endless cycle of failed New Year's resolutions and frustrated by recurring conflicts in your marriage? In this episode, we explore why simply "white-knuckling" your way to change is destined to fail. Discover how persistent patterns, both in yourself and your spouse—from messy habits to communication breakdowns—are often survival mechanisms, not character flaws.
Learn how to shift from demanding change to cultivating curiosity, a practice that can transform your relationship. We'll show you how to "invite the issue onto the porch" to foster genuine understanding, leading to deeper connection, improved intimacy, and lasting growth. Instead of feeling overwhelmed by a long list of things to fix, find out how focusing on the "why" behind a single issue can bring healing and victory to your personal life and your marriage.
Brad's Freedom Journey Substack
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In this popular episode of SB1 Brad and Kate sit down with therapist, minister, and researcher Jay Stringer, author of Unwanted, to reframe sexuality through the broader lens of desire, intimacy, and healing. Moving beyond shame-based recovery and purity culture, the episode offers a faith-informed, research-backed roadmap for couples navigating betrayal trauma, porn, infidelity, and mismatched sexual desire. With practical guidance on crisis-to-revisioning stages, story work, differentiation, and honoring the low desire partner’s integrity, Jay shows how increasing sensuality, pleasure, and emotional connection restores trust and brings marriages back to life. This episode invites listeners to transform contempt into connection, reawaken desire, and become one with hope and courage.
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In this fan-favorite episode, we are counting down to the number two most-listened-to episode of Still Becoming One. Join us as we dive into a topic many Christian couples wonder about but are hesitant to discuss: oral sex. We tackle the frequent, questions we receive at marriage conferences about whether this act is biblically permissible, why a spouse might desire it, and how to navigate discrepancies in comfort levels. We explore how to build sexual intimacy through a foundation of safety, communication, and mutual honor, especially when addressing sensitive subjects. Drawing from Song of Solomon and our experience as a marriage counselor and relationship coaches, we discuss the importance of moving past cultural shame and misinformation. This episode addresses the power dynamics, vulnerability, and potential past trauma that can create fear or hesitation, particularly for women. Learn how to open a healthy dialogue, understand your partner’s perspective, and explore pleasure together in a way that is honoring, consensual, and strengthens your connection as you are still becoming one.
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In this special rebroadcast, we revisit one of our most popular episodes, ranking #3 in our top 5. We're joined by bestselling author and relationship coach Shannon Ethridge to explore the crucial link between emotional intelligence and sexual confidence within a marriage. We delve into how personal histories, cultural narratives like purity culture, and the vicious cycle of pornography can erode a wife's confidence and create a wide chasm of disconnection. Shannon shares her coaching methods to help couples uncover the root wounds that sabotage their intimacy, reframing "my needs aren't being met" from a criticism into a sacred invitation for deeper connection. The conversation also challenges the traditional view of "negative" emotions, teaching us to listen to anger, sadness, and fear as our wisest teachers. Discover how boosting your emotional IQ, understanding past trauma, and learning to ask for what you need can break cycles, heal divides, and unlock a more confident and fulfilling intimate relationship.
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In this special rebroadcast, Brad and Kate present #4 of their top 5 most popular episodes, featuring J Parker from Hot, Holy & Humorous.
This episode challenges the transactional view of sex in marriage, reframing desire from "getting sex" to pursuing genuine intimacy—encompassing vulnerability, connection, acceptance, and pleasure. They tackle common stereotypes about sex drive, particularly the harmful idea that men always desire sex more than women, and delve into the experiences of higher desire wives and lower desire husbands. J provides practical advice for higher-drive spouses on inviting rather than pressuring, emphasizing language that fosters connection (e.g., "I need you" instead of "I need sex"), and exploring what sex truly means to each partner. The discussion also highlights how desire often emerges after an invitation and the influence of faith, church history, and culture on beliefs about sexuality
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In this rebroadcast, featured as one of the five most popular Still Becoming One episodes, licensed marriage counselor Brad and relationship coach Kate revisit the common and complex marital issue titled 'My Spouse Isn't Meeting My Needs, Now What?' Maybe you missed it the first time, or want to relisten. Enjoy, and we'll be back with new episodes soon!
They discuss the cycle of blame that often occurs when one partner feels their emotional or sexual needs are unmet, leading to a constant state of irritation and disconnection. Exploring the dichotomy between self-responsibility and spousal support, we emphasize the importance of understanding your own story, communicating your needs effectively, and recognizing the pressures your partner is facing.
Whether it's the tension between work-life balance and household duties, the differing expectations for connection, or the trap of believing your spouse should make you happy, this conversation offers practical insights for couples to navigate this challenge. Learn how to stop blaming each other, take responsibility for your own well-being, and work together to heal and strengthen your connection, turning a potential point of conflict into an opportunity for growth and a deeper bond.
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Is self-care selfish—especially during the holiday season? We unpack the difference between genuine self-care and imitation self-care and explore the unique resistance men and women face when trying to take care of themselves.
If you've thought, "I don't have time for self-care", or "What would I do anyway?" This episode is for you! We offer a practical framework to identify what truly restores you and introduce a Self-Care Grid to help you contemplate what could actually give you good self-care!
This empowering conversation blends faith, marriage wisdom, and mental health insights to help couples build rhythms of rest, reduce stress, and grow closer as they are still becoming one.
Self Care Grid: AldrichMinistries.com/Resources
Groups starting in the new year: AldrichMinistries.com/Groups
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Brad and Kate, licensed marriage counselor and relationship coaches, dive into the vital topic of “doing your own work” and how personal healing impacts marriage health, communication, and intimacy.
They unpack common church-influenced pushbacks: “we just need to pray more,” “I’ll use accountability,” and “why go back to childhood?” This episode blends faith, neuroscience, story work, and marriage coaching to help couples break cycles, set healthy boundaries, and cultivate hope and joy.
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In this powerful episode, we dive deep into the complex inner world of men with therapist and teacher Wendell Moss from the Allender Center. Discover the three core, unspoken questions every man is asking:
- "Does anyone see me?"
- "Does anyone respect me?"
- "Will anyone want me?"
And how the cultural pressure to "be strong" often leads to silence, loneliness, and cycles of addiction fueled by shame and contempt. We explore why so many men struggle with vulnerability, deflect compliments, and fear being seen, even when they desperately desire it. For couples seeking true connection, this conversation offers profound insights into the male experience, unpacking how the fear of powerlessness drives behavior and how to create the safety needed for healing. Learn practical steps to build new, healing counter-narratives in your marriage, repair after conflict, and foster a connection where both partners can finally feel seen and known.
Don't miss Wendell Moss and Dan Allender's recorded webinar: Learning to Read and Understand Men's Stories
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Are you a parent struggling with the painful reality of your adult children creating distance, setting firm boundaries, or even cutting you off? This episode tackles the confusing and often hurtful dynamic of strained parent-adult child relationships. Hosts Brad and Kate explore why the younger generation is increasingly setting boundaries, leaving parents feeling bewildered and asking, "What did I do wrong?"
They challenge the traditional expectation that children owe their parents a relationship, arguing that the healthy, biblical model is for the parent to initiate pursuit and repair. Learn why your experience of the past could end up invalidating your child's hurt, how to move from defensiveness to curiosity, and the crucial first step to take when a boundary is set.
If you're ready to understand the pressure your children feel, process your own hurt, and take practical steps toward healing and reconciliation, this conversation provides a roadmap to rebuild trust and foster a healthier connection for the future.
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The glow in your hand is quietly dimming the glow between you. We dive into how phones shape sex, sleep, attention, and intimacy—and the small, sustainable shifts that restore presence without demanding digital exile.
Don't know where to start?? Try Questions For Couples by Brad & Kate
The Brick- Take back your time
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The headlines say married sex is in decline, but the real story lives inside our homes: glowing screens, heavy schedules, chronic stress, and a quiet confusion about what “healthy intimacy” should look like now. We sit down with author and podcaster J Parker to unpack the data behind the so‑called sex recession and then move past the stats into practical fixes couples can actually use.
Special Guest J Parker from Hot Holy Humorous
Kate's guest episode on The Sex Chat For Christian Wives Podcast
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The calendar turns to November and suddenly every old family role shows up at the front door. We get real about why gatherings can feel so loaded, even when you love your people, and how to protect your marriage and your mental health without ghosting the holidays. Our approach starts with two anchors—honor and honesty—so you can appreciate the good, name the hard, and walk in with clarity about what you can and can’t expect from parents and extended family.
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What if becoming one didn’t mean losing yourself? We get honest about the push and pull between closeness and autonomy—how time apart can stir old aches, why safety makes independence possible, and how small, practical choices turn tension into trust. From childhood loneliness to learned solitude, we trace how personal story and attachment shape the way each of us handles “I need a minute” and “I miss you already,” and we share what helped us move from reactivity to curiosity.
We zoom into the pressure points at home: uneven chores, nonstop childcare, and the cultural guilt that tells women they must earn rest. I
We also tackle the spiritual piece many couples wrestle with: 1 Corinthians 7. Read through coercion, it harms. Read through freedom, it heals. Your body is mine to cherish, reclaiming consent, timing, and dignity.
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A simple “You look great” shouldn’t start a debate, yet so many couples know that sting. We unpack the common loop where one partner stops praising because the other deflects. Diving into why compliments bounce off, how cultural messages tangle with personal story, and what it takes to make affirmation actually land. Instead of withdrawing, we offer a better path
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What happens when your parents protect their marriage like it’s a living, breathing thing—and you’re the kid on the other side of the doorknob? We invite our daughter Lily home from college to talk candidly about growing up in a marriage-first home: the Friday date nights, the weekends away, the moments that felt lonely, and the rituals that made her feel chosen. Her reflections are warm, honest, and surprising—especially when she describes how boundaries and trust became the real glue.
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What if the real intimacy killer isn’t your past, but how it gets dismissed? We dig into ways couples can invalidate each other’s stories—“It wasn’t that bad,” “You should be over it,” “That’s just your story”—and why those phrases shut down safety, trust, and depth. Drawing from our own marriage and years of coaching, we unpack the difference between knowing a partner’s facts and understanding the impact those moments wrote on the heart.
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Brad and Kate explore how our personal stories and childhood experiences shape our marriage relationships in profound ways. Story work provides couples with a framework to understand recurring conflicts and create healthier patterns of interaction.
We invite you to start your own story exploration and join us next week as we continue our series on story work and its impact on marriage.
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Could the "purity culture" teachings you received years ago still be affecting your marriage today? In this compelling conversation, we join Pastor Addison Roberts from Grace Community Church to explore the complex legacy many Christian kids received from purity culture about sexuality and how these teachings continue to create unexpected challenges in intimate relationships today.
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Drew Boa turns the traditional approach to overcoming pornography addiction on its head with his groundbreaking perspective that freedom comes not through battling your sexuality, but by befriending it. As the founder of Husband Material Ministries and author of "Outgrow Porn," Drew shares his personal 10-year journey of freedom and the revolutionary insights he's gained from working with hundreds of men.
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Life has a way of surprising us with transitions we weren't quite expecting. This week, Brad and Kate share the sudden shift into empty-nest parenthood that has happened, which they had not anticipated. As their four children all simultaneously launched into new adventures, Brad and Kate found themselves abruptly facing a quiet house filled with possibility and questions.
Throughout their discussion emerges a beautiful picture of what intentional marriage looks like in transition: honest communication about fears, shared dreams for the future, and the gentle ribbing that comes from knowing each other well (including an ongoing debate about a particularly aggressive holly bush in their yard). For couples facing their own transitions, this episode offers both practical wisdom and the comforting reminder that even relationship experts navigate change one conversation at a time.
Ready to invest in your marriage during life's transitions? Learn more about our fall groups and resources at aldrichministries.com and join us as we continue the journey of still becoming one for another season!
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What happens when past wounds collide in marriage? Steve and Lisa Call, co-authors with Dan Allender of The Deep-Rooted Marriage, founders of Reconnect Institute, and married for over 35 years, reveal how childhood stories unconsciously shape our most intimate relationships. Through vulnerable personal examples, Steve shares how his response of "I'm fine" masks deeper feelings of abandonment stemming from an emotionally unavailable mother. Lisa explains how these patterns remained invisible until they began exploring their stories together, creating a profound transformation in their marriage after decades together.
Ready to transform your relationship by understanding the stories you both bring to marriage? This conversation will help you recognize patterns, build emotional safety, and cultivate the curiosity needed for genuine connection.
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What happens when one partner has a career that demands everything? Whether it's an 80-hour workweek, constant travel, or shift work that throws off your entire family rhythm, demanding careers create unique challenges for relationships.
Brad and Kate tackle this reality head-on, acknowledging the struggles couples face when balancing intense professional demands with maintaining connection. Through their personal experiences and professional coaching work, they offer a refreshing perspective: your marriage doesn't need to look like anyone else's. The standard models simply don't apply when your circumstances aren't standard.
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Brad and Kate explore how married couples can drift into feeling like roommates or business partners when they neglect emotional connection and intimacy. They discuss how busyness, misinterpreting intentions, and focusing solely on logistics create distance in relationships. Then offer some practical tools, including their own book of questions, as a path back toward intimacy.
You can find the Questions for Couples book on Amazon or at aldrichministries.com/resources.
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Brad and Kate explore how couples can maintain connection during inevitable busy seasons when marriage can't be the top priority. They share personal examples from their May celebrations of their children's graduations and how they've learned to navigate similar challenging periods.
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Brad and Kate Aldrich explore how seemingly healthy self-care activities might actually be "imitation self-care" that creates distance rather than true rejuvenation in marriage relationships.
• Imitation self-care activities mimic real self-care but leave us feeling worse afterward
• Binge-watching shows and mindless scrolling often become ways to avoid connection
• The content we're drawn to often reveals something about our emotional needs
• Workaholism serves as false self-care when it provides validation missing at home
• Marriage strain often peaks when couples have infants around 6-7 months old
• Other common substitutes include shopping, excessive cleaning, and using spirituality to avoid problems
• Healthy curiosity about our coping mechanisms helps us understand our deeper needs
When the temptation to engage in these activities arises, invite it onto the porch and ask why it's here right now. Rather than trying to ignore or indulge it, use it as information about what you truly need.
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What happens when the very strategies we develop to care for ourselves actually pull us away from our partners? In this eye-opening exploration of "imitation self-care," we dive into the complex ways our coping mechanisms can disguise themselves as healthy practices while undermining our relationships. Imitation self-care is challenging to identify because it often contains elements of genuine care. Exercise, comfort foods, and even music can be legitimately nourishing or secretly destructive depending on the emotional motivation behind them.
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We examine the complexities of troubled marriages, challenging the idea that couples should "stick it out no matter what" while offering guidance on when to fight for your relationship and when boundaries might be necessary.
• Understanding the difference between pursuing happiness versus finding fulfillment and contentment in marriage
• Why staying together "just for the kids" often creates more trauma than healing
• How to approach your spouse about relationship struggles without blame or shame
• Setting healthy boundaries when your partner refuses to work on the relationship
• Recognizing when safety concerns might necessitate separation
• Moving beyond the "did I marry the wrong person?" question to deeper relationship insights
• Finding the courage to work through brokenness together for stronger connection
We'd love to hear your thoughts on this topic or any of our episodes. Contact us with your questions or topic suggestions at help@stillbecomingone.com or text us through the number in our show notes.
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Special guest Adam Young joins us to discuss his new book, Make Sense of Your Story.
What if the relationship patterns you can't seem to break are rooted in stories you've never fully understood? Adam Young, therapist and host of The Place We Find Ourselves podcast, joins us to explore how our earliest experiences continue to shape our most intimate relationships—and what we can do about it.
Whether you're struggling in your marriage, trying to parent differently than you were parented, or simply curious about why you relate to others the way you do, this conversation offers a compassionate roadmap for making sense of your story. As Adam reminds us, "Your stories need to be written and they need to be told." Are you ready to discover what's truly at the core of yours?
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Brad and Kate Aldrich challenge the common belief that marriage problems stem from choosing the wrong person, revealing how our personal stories shape relationship patterns regardless of who we marry.
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We explore the dynamic when husbands experience higher sexual desire than their wives, examining how both partners often feel broken or inadequate when confronting these differences.
• Sexual desire disparity affects approximately 80% of marriages with the husband having a higher desire
• Both partners suffer—husbands feeling rejected and wives feeling inadequate or broken
• Harmful messaging from purity culture and society creates unrealistic expectations about marital sex
• Emotional connection often precedes sexual desire for many women, not just a "checklist" to complete
• Trauma history significantly impacts how people experience and express desire
• Desire levels naturally fluctuate throughout marriage due to life stages, stress, and other factors
• Meeting in the middle requires both partners to move toward each other with empathy
• Sexual intimacy serves multiple purposes beyond physical release—connection, care, comfort
We'd love to hear your thoughts about navigating desire differences and what meeting in the middle looks like in your relationship.
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Brad and Kate welcome J Parker, author of "The Higher Desire Wife," to discuss the often overlooked reality of wives who desire more sexual intimacy than their husbands and how couples can navigate this sensitive dynamic with understanding and compassion.
• Sexual desire fluctuates throughout marriage, with partners' drives shifting multiple times over the years
• Numerous factors affect male sexual desire, including stress, sleep, health issues, testosterone levels, relationship issues, and more
• When wives want more sex than husbands, it doesn't automatically mean he isn't attracted to her or is getting satisfaction elsewhere
• Approaching desire differences as an "us issue" rather than blaming one spouse creates safety for honest conversations
• Pornography and other sexual sin rewire the brain to view sex as consumption rather than intimate participation
• Creating intentional attraction by focusing on your spouse helps maintain desire in long-term relationships
• "Closing the gap" requires positive vision-casting rather than complaints about what isn't happening
• Sexual intimacy requires vulnerability and effort but brings a deeper connection than solo sexual experiences
Link to the book: The Higher Desire Wife
J's podcast: Sex Chat For Christian Wives
J's blog: Hot Holy Humorous
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Relationship conflict is inevitable, but the key to healthy relationships lies in effective repair—acknowledging impact and taking responsibility rather than just saying, "sorry you were hurt."
• Conflict in relationships is normal, but repair is essential for rebuilding connection
• There's a critical difference between "I'm sorry you were hurt" and "I'm sorry I hurt you"
• Effective repair involves listening well, owning your impact, and discussing future changes
• Different personalities seek different things in apologies—understanding your partner's needs is crucial
• Managing different perceptions of reality without arguing about "facts" helps resolve conflicts
• Forgiveness involves acknowledging harm and choosing not to require payment for it
• Modeling good repair with children teaches them relationship skills for their future
• Repairing doesn't always mean changing your decision, but it does mean acknowledging the impact
• The sooner we repair, the smaller our relationship ruptures remain
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Can a healthy marriage include moments where one partner "takes one for the team" sexually? This candid conversation tackles the sensitive reality of differing desire levels and how couples navigate intimacy when interest isn't mutual.
We explore this often used metaphor and unpack how this dynamic typically unfolds - often with one partner silently sacrificing while harboring resentment, and the other sensing something's off but unable to name it. The result? Disconnection where connection was intended.
There are healthier alternatives, true intimacy requires honest dialogue where both partners can express desire without undue pressure and decline without causing undue rejection.
Whether you're struggling with mismatched desire levels or want to deepen your understanding of sexual dynamics in marriage, this episode offers compassionate guidance grounded in both professional experience and the hosts' journey.
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What defines family in today's complex world? We dive into the often misleading notion that blood is thicker than water, encouraging listeners to reflect on the diverse definitions of family.
We can seek to maintain loyalty to family while navigating the complexities of emotional needs in life. However, there's more to "family" than biological ties. We explore how a chosen family can sometimes be your strongest support system, emphasizing the importance of those connections in your personal growth and happiness. Deep connections formed with friends can provide the support and love typically attributed to familial bonds.
Brad and Kate invite you to consider who you regard as family and how those relationships impact your life. If you've ever felt frustrated by familial ties, this episode is for you. Join us as we discuss embracing your whole support system and redefining what family means to you.
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Welcome to Season 4 of Still Becoming One. We are excited to continue our own journey of growth and to bring all of you along with us.
So What happens when high school sweethearts get married and realize they need to seriously address their struggles? That was our journey that eventually led to the creation of the Still Becoming One podcast. With roots that trace back to our One Flesh Marriage blog.
In this episode, we wanted to reintroduce ourselves to all of our fantastic audience. We dive into the transformative power of story work, we talk candidly about raising four children, both biological and adopted, and the profound impact trauma has on family dynamics and relationships. Discover how Aldrich Ministries and our coaching network aim to enhance relationships through kindness, understanding, and continual growth.
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We hear it all the time: "My wife's not meeting my needs" or "My husband isn't meeting my needs!" What do we do about this? Of course, we want our spouse to meet our physical, emotional, sexual, and other needs. Yet, is it their responsibility to do so?
The struggle to juggle demanding jobs and family commitments makes this a very common feeling. We explore the emotional tug-of-war many couples experience when they feel like the person they signed up to "do life with" is now not meeting their needs. Is this a reason to end the relationship? Are there ways to fix this? Let's dive into understanding and meeting each other's needs.
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How do you keep the peace at Thanksgiving dinner when political differences arise? As we approach the pivotal 2024 election, we dive into the divisive topic of how to engage in compassionate and understanding discussions, even when opinions clash.
Family dynamics during politically charged times can be tricky to navigate. We've seen too many families torn apart by the enmity and contempt of rival politics. Sometimes, we need to build bridges of compassionate listening and other times; we need to build boundaries. Join us from both sides of the aisle as we navigate this tricky situation.
(mentioned in this episode- The Power of Saying No: 5 Steps to Set Up Boundaries that Stick)
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Fawn and Keith Weaver take us on an unforgettable journey through their love story to becoming the CEO of the most-awarded American whiskey for 5 years running. Celebrating over twenty years of marriage, they share how their partnership was built on a foundation of deep connection, mutual respect, and connection with the Lord. Fawn's book, "Love and Whiskey," weaves their personal narrative with the rich history of Uncle Nearest, the first Black master distiller, and his friendship with Jack Daniel. Together, the Weavers are dedicated to preserving this incredible legacy through the Uncle Nearest Distillery and the Nearest Green Foundation, showcasing the power of love, faith, and a shared mission.
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You've been stuck feeling like roommates and don't know how to ask for more sexual intimacy. OR maybe your spouse is the one asking but in ALL the wrong ways. This episode promises to equip you with the tools to understand and navigate sexual frequency concerns that both partners often experience. Tune in as we share candid insights and anecdotes about setting realistic expectations, fostering open communication, and addressing awkward yet essential conversations about intimacy. You'll leave with practical strategies to find a middle ground that works for you and your partner.
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Tune in as we welcome the phenomenal Shannon Etheridge, a million-copy bestselling author who shares her transformative journey and the evolution of her work on sexual confidence. Discover the inspiration behind her book, "The Sexually Confident Wife," and how it has evolved into helping couples discover their sexual confidence together. Shannon's insights shed light on what it takes to grow sexual confidence and its profound impact on nurturing stronger, more connected marital relationships.
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Every "yes" you give is actually a "no" to something else- usually without you realizing the cost at the time, which means we NEED to learn how to put up boundaries! Join us while we explore the art of setting boundaries in relationships and give you 5 steps to find and hold the necessary boundaries in your life!
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How long have you been carrying a secret too heavy to bear? Today, we address one of the most silent yet pervasive issues: the trauma of sexual abuse. Drawing inspiration from our former guest, Lindsay Lautsbaugh's stirring sermon, we uncover the heartbreaking reality that the average age of disclosure is 51, underscoring the critical need for understanding and support.
Sexual abuse steals more than just innocence; it strips away safety and trust. We emphasize that healing is gradual and requires unwavering support. We focus on the importance of kindness and self-compassion. Healing from such trauma is not a linear path but an ongoing process that requires resilience and continuous effort. By sharing our own experiences and those of others, we illustrate how challenging negative self-beliefs and understanding our stories can lead to profound personal growth.
Don't miss Lindsay's Message: Straight Lines Crooked Sticks: Dinah and The Samaritan Woman.
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Anxiety sometimes feels like a blaring smoke alarm in your life; it may be your own anxiety or your spouse's. You're not alone. On this episode of Still Becoming One, we are thrilled to sit down with Abby Foster, an LCSW from Lancaster Therapy Center, to unpack the nuances of anxiety and its profound impact on daily living and relationships. Abby illuminates the line between normal anxiety and the type that disrupts your sleep, relationships, and overall functioning, shedding light on when it might be time to seek professional help.
Ever wonder how to truly support a spouse dealing with anxiety without making things worse? We explore how to move beyond well-meaning but ineffective strategies to discover how couples can work together to battle anxiety.
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Discover the hidden challenges young married couples face today with our special guest, pastor Lindsay Lotzbaugh, who brings her wealth of experience from pastoring, missions, and motherhood. Lindsay opens up about sensitive topics like pornography, communication issues, and the critical lack of support systems that many newlyweds encounter. We explore how the generational gap in churches often deprives young couples of much-needed spiritual mentors, forcing them to turn to peers, sometimes with less-than-helpful results. Lindsay’s insights remind us of the urgent need to build strong, supportive communities within our churches to nurture healthier marriages.
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What does it take to navigate marriage and family life while serving as a missionary? Get ready to glean invaluable insights from seasoned missionary and pastoral minister Chris Lautsbaugh, who brings three decades of experience to our discussion. We promise you'll learn about the unique challenges and rewards of raising children in a foreign culture, dealing with financial stresses specific to missionary life, and the crucial role of maintaining regular connections and good communication within the family. Chris’s wisdom on adapting to various seasons of life and ministry will leave you inspired, especially as he talks about the grace found in persevering through tough times.
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What if understanding your partner's childhood wounds could transform your marriage? Join us as we sit down with Barb and Mark Case, a couple who have spent 35 years navigating the ups and downs of life together. They share their candid journey from the blissful early days of their marriage to the financial strains and significant life changes that marked their challenging "dark years." Through their experiences, they uncovered critical insights that now fuel their passion for Storied Marriages a community-based approach to marriage mentoring.
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Join us as we sit down with our dear friends Scott and Jenny Means to explore their incredible journey into marriage coaching. Scott shares his path from worship leadership to creating a curriculum that intertwines spiritual principles with marital relationships, a journey that has deeply enriched his and Jenny's marriage. Discover how their personal transformation has inspired and guided countless couples, and be excited with us as they join our coaching ministry, bringing their wisdom and passion to our community.
Have you ever struggled to support your spouse through emotional pain without jumping to fix the problem? Scott and Jenny provide a masterclass in offering grace-filled support by sharing their own experiences dealing with each other's traumas. We delve into the importance of emotional support over solutions, adjusting our automatic responses shaped by past hurts, and providing feedback that builds rather than breaks. This segment is a heartfelt reminder that it's never too late to strengthen intimacy and build bridges in your relationship.
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Unlock the secrets to a fulfilling marriage with esteemed marriage educators Paul and Lori Byerly. With an impressive 39 years of marital experience and 27 years dedicated to intimacy education, they share invaluable insights from their journey, including the creation of TheMarriageBed.com, their influential blogs The Generous Husband and The Generous Wife and Doing Marriage Well, and the podcast XYcode-Decoding the Male Mind.
Paul and Lori discuss how their personal challenges with sexual issues fueled their passion for marriage ministry, helping couples heal and discover the intimacy in marriage they've always wanted. Join us as they share their wisdom and the exciting news of joining Aldrich Ministries as marriage and intimacy coaches.
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Imagine dreaming big dreams with your partner and creating a safe space for vulnerability and shared aspirations. In this episode, we delve into the profound impact of supporting each other's passions, even when they seem unattainable. This isn’t just about fulfilling dreams; it's about the journey of dreaming together and the strong emotional connections it builds.
How often do you take the time to explore and cherish your partner's dreams? We discuss the significance of embracing each other's passions to foster deeper intimacy in relationships. By sharing and supporting each other's "kingdom dreams," couples can enhance their emotional bonds and mutual respect. Tune in for an inspiring episode that celebrates not just marriage but the beautiful adventure of dreaming and growing together, as we continue on our journey of Still Becoming One.
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Have you found yourself staring across the breakfast table at your spouse, the cacophony of children's laughter now a distant memory, and pondering, "What's next for us?" That's the conversation Brad and I wade into this week, navigating the waters of marriage and parenting with an honest look at the empty nest years. We dissect the challenges couples often face as their homes quiet down and they look to explore how to reignite the spark that may have dimmed amidst the parenting hustle. In the epidemic of adult kids cutting off their parents, paying attention to this stage of parenting and your marriage is essential!
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Remember when your kids were just a glimmer in your eye, and it was all about you and your partner's adventurous, romantic escapades? Fast forward through a blur of diaper changes and teen drama, and you might find your marriage playing second fiddle to the demanding orchestra of parenting. Join us as we chuckle and commiserate over the journey from child-free coupledom to navigating the choppy waters of raising teenagers without losing sight of our relationship's anchor. As the kids morph into the creatures known as teenagers, the game changes, and so must our strategies. In this episode, we swap stories and strategies for carving out quality time with your significant other, even when the teen tidal wave threatens to engulf every spare moment.
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Raising kids isn't just about the ABCs and 123s; it's a complex dance that can trip up even the most in-step couples. In this episode, we open up about the parenting hurdles that can either trip you up or strengthen your stride. We discuss everything from the decision-making behind how many activities to do to disciplining with differing philosophies. Listen as we share our personal reflections and how we strive to maintain unity in our parenting approach, all while keeping the laughter alive and the marriage thriving.
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Discover the secret to keeping your marriage alive and kicking, even when toddlers are ruling the roost. Brad and Kate, with their treasure trove of marriage counseling and relationship coaching wisdom, invite you into a world where your spouse doesn't become a stranger amongst the diapers and tantrums. We're pulling back the curtain to reveal how you can carve out a sacred space for two, amidst the whirlwind of parenting. You'll get a peek into our own journey of transforming our bedroom into a couple's sanctuary and learn how to set boundaries that keep the romance blooming, even when the little ones are just on the other side of that good old door lock.
We're not just talking about keeping the spark alive; we're about kindling a bonfire of connection and intimacy that not only you and your partner feel, but your kids witness and learn from. Say goodbye to the myth that date nights are off the table until the children are older. Instead, we're dishing out strategies that make every night an opportunity for reconnection, from at-home dinner dates to sneaking in moments of affection. As we delve into the long-term perks of a robust partnership, you'll be inspired to prioritize your relationship now rather than waiting for a 'more convenient time' that may never come.
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Welcome to our marriage and parenting series. This week, we tackle the challenge of adjusting your marriage to pregnancy and infants! Each stage of parenting can tug at the seams of even the most resilient unions. The profound shifts in identity that come with pregnancy and how a new baby can reshape the couple's dynamic underscore the need to cling to each other as life's tides shift around us.
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We unravel the stigma around this fiery emotion, sharing stories from our marriage to showcase that anger isn't the enemy – it's the mismanagement of it that wreaks havoc. We want to transform how couple's perceive and navigate the complexities of anger, aiming to foster an environment of love and respect that withstands the flames.
Join us at Still Becoming One, where every episode is a step toward deeper connection and understanding.
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You've tried to get your spouse to get some help with you, and for whatever reason they aren't ready. Is it worth going to marriage coaching alone? Today we try to tackle this listener's question after our "How Do I Make My Spouse Get Help" episode. Before you just take the easy answer, "of course" there are some pitfalls that you need to watch out for. Going to marriage coaching or counseling yourself could end in hurting your marriage more than helping if you (and your coach) aren't careful!
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We get asked questions about oral sex all the time. In this episode, we share insights and have a frank conversation to cut through the discomfort and get to the heart of why this topic is so frequently a challenge.
We examine the concerns and curiosities that arise, underscore the significance of honest communication, and strive to illuminate a path to joy and more profound connection for couples. So, if you're ready for a frank discussion of oral sex that promises to inform, enlighten, and possibly even entertain, join us for this intimate journey. And remember, this might be one best listened to away from little ears—unless you're keen on an impromptu lesson in marital intimacy!
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We hear it all the time: one spouse desperate for help and the other refusing even to consider going. We peel back the layers of resistance that often shroud the path to relationship coaching, exploring why it might be happening and what you can do to help.
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Navigating the waters of sexual intimacy in marriage can often feel like we're trying to decode a mysterious language. How do you pursue your husband? How do you cherish your wife? This heart-to-heart isn't shy about addressing the pressures and expectations that color our perceptions of sexual intimacy. We're tearing down misconceptions and revealing how a genuine and caring approach to romance can deepen connections and dispel barriers. Whether you're the higher or lower-drive spouse, our candid chat aims to guide you toward a sexually intimate connection that's authentic, not just a means to an end.
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Isn't there more to marriage than premarital and divorce care? Don't you think there should be? We talk about our time in marriage ministry and give some suggestions on what the local church can do to overcome this glaring hole in the "big C" Church's care of marriages.
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For far too long, the Church has either ignored or villanized sexual intimacy, but God designed sex to be GOOD. In this heart-to-heart exchange, we dissect the often misinterpreted signals sent by church teachings that leave many feeling lost in their marital beds. We confront the realities of desire, intimacy, and the vital role of communication in nurturing a God-honoring union. We're laying out the roadmap for couples at any stage—single, dating, or married—to foster a fulfilling sexual relationship that stands strong in the light of faith.
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Too often, we hear tearful stories about how a church or pastor ignored the signs of abuse or even participated in the manipulation of Scripture to justify the abuse in marriage. In today's episode, we tackle this ugly side of how the church can miss abuse while they are trying to support marriages. We look at sexual abuse and manipulation, physical abuse, spiritual abuse, and even discuss what emotional abuse looks like.
Navigating the murky waters of marital abuse and the misuse of spiritual texts to justify control in relationships, we uncover the challenges and seek to offer a better way to actually support marriages!
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Welcome back to Still Becoming One. As we launch into the exciting premiere of season three, we are launching into a series on what the church gets wrong about marriage. All too often we hear from people who have been hurt by their church when they try to get help for their relationship. We are going to look at why this is happening and what the church should be doing better. Join us and give us your thoughts on our social media!
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As the holiday season wraps us in its festive embrace, it also unwraps layers of emotions for many of us navigating the complexities of love and relationships. Our latest podcast peels back the intricate layers of the emotional challenges couples may face. We delve into the art of attunement, stressing the importance of tuning in to our partner's feelings, and share how embracing vulnerability and honest communication can be the ribbon that ties a relationship stronger amidst the holiday hustle.
Moving deeper, we reflect on the multifaceted nature of accepting love. This episode is a heartfelt exploration of these themes, offering listeners a compass to guide them through the emotional terrain of giving and receiving love, wrapped up with practical strategies for appreciating the love that surrounds us – in all its imperfect glory.
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Join us, as we embark on a fascinating exploration of an often misunderstood emotion - Joy. We're not talking about the fleeting happiness that comes with a new toy or a promotion, but rather a profound inner joy that is unshaken by life's ups and downs. Let's journey together!
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We're here to unveil the truth about the festive season - it's not always filled with joy and happiness or peace, and that's perfectly fine. We invite you to journey with us as we pull back the curtain on our own experiences and challenges during this time and how we've learned to be authentic with our emotions.
We dive deep into the real meaning of peace - it's not just tranquility and lack of stress, but a more profound sense of wholeness and completeness, or Shalom. We'll discuss how our past traumas can hinder our experience of true peace and why it's important to face our dark moments head-on. We'll also share our thoughts on how to find peace amid turmoil and loss and how you can redefine the concept of peace for yourself. This is a journey not to be missed!
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Advent is supposed to be a time of preparation for Christmas. We are launching a 4-week series to look at the four themes of advent, hope, peace, joy & love. But we aren't just sticking with the easy, fluffy parts of these emotions. We're diving deep into the complexities of heaviness. This week we are tackling hope. Hope is born out of struggle and tested in the face of difficulties, and hope can sometimes seem elusive. So, come along on this journey of hope, struggle, and unity. We can't wait for you to join us.
The book we referenced, Jotham's Journey, is highly recommended for family advent devotionals for kids ages 6 and up. (ish depending on your kid)
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Have you ever thought about what it really means to be your spouse's biggest fan? This episode was more of a challenge than we thought! We will take you on an intimate journey through the highs and lows, joys and pains of our marital journey. Our candid conversation will make you rethink what it means to truly support your spouse, not just in words but in deeds and understanding. Is there a gender difference? Is this related to personality? Is this a core where couples often miss each other? Take a listen and see what you think!
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What if the person you vowed to love and cherish became your standard of beauty and the one against whom all others are compared? On this episode of Still Becoming One, we grapple with this powerful notion and the role it plays in maintaining attraction in marriage. A candid remark from a listener inspired this exploration - a heartfelt admission about losing both attraction and connection to their spouse.
We challenge conventional beauty standards and discuss how attraction naturally evolves as we age. Furthermore, we delve into the importance of appreciating and admiring your partner, addressing negative thoughts that could affect your perception of them, and fostering a deep level of trust for open communication. We highlight the significance of intentionality in nurturing attraction and illustrate how you can foster a fulfilling and intimate relationship with your spouse. So join us on this journey of discovery and enrich your marital bond through this empowering perspective.
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As we disembark from the Hot Holy Humorous marriage cruise, we reflected on the journey couples undertake to enrich their relationships. This week, we're sharing our revelations from this extraordinary experience, casting the spotlight on brave couples willing to step out of their comfort zones and focus on strengthening their bonds. We're taking you along on this voyage, painting a vivid picture of the transformative power of such an event and the ripple effects it had on the couples who dared to embrace change.
We hope that you, too, will feel empowered to take those steps towards enriching your marriage. Remember, it's not about sudden transformations but small, consistent steps toward a more connected and enriched union.
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What if your marriage could be as joy-filled and light-hearted as it was when you first started dating? What if the key to reconnecting and reinvigorating your relationship was simply reintroducing the joy that initially brought you together? Let's unwrap these and discover how to find or rekindle the intimacy of Joy in your marriage. A joyous relationship doesn't just happen; it's created intentionally - let's create together.
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Imagine if you could turn the stress in your relationship into a strength, a bond that keeps you united even in the face of adversity. This continuation of our mental health in marriage series hits every couple and we'll share practical advice and strategies on how to tackle external stressors and stay strong as a team.
We all know that when dealing with stress self-care is vital, but how do you do self-care as a couple? It's not just about indulging ourselves; instead, it's about identifying what genuinely brings us joy and keeps us relaxed. Understand the significance of self-care in relationships but also know how to create a culture of kindness and support. Tune in; we have a lot to share!
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Grief is a storm we all must weather. Yet, it's a journey as distinct as the individual. This comforting and insightful conversation explores how this universal emotion can uniquely impact a marriage. From unmet expectations to the diverse ways each partner processes it, we delve deep into this intimate territory of how we are navigating grief as a couple presents its own set of challenges. How we each express and experience this powerful emotion can vary widely, making it challenging to remain present for our partner. In our discussion, we explore through our own stories how couples can support each other in these testing times.
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Walking with a spouse who is struggling with or living with depression can be taxing on your marriage. We share our personal experiences and offer you a toolbox on how you can continue to grow in a healthy marriage through depression.
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Feeling a sense of unease in your own skin and in your own home? You're not alone. Anxiety can slither into marriages, subtly changing the dynamics and behaviors, and often leaving a trail of bewilderment in its wake. We crack open the different faces of anxiety, its triggers, and the often detrimental changes it can bring about, like withdrawal or avoidance. We also spotlight the critical balance between personal and marital responsibilities when navigating mental health issues.
But, remember, there's no need to feel daunted! This episode isn't just about understanding the problem, it's about finding ways together to create a safe haven amidst the storm. We'll hold your hand as we walk through grounding techniques that can anchor you to the present, and emphasize the importance of practicing these in moments of calm. We debunk the damaging myth of "just stop" feeling anxious and explore more compassionate ways to engage with difficult emotions. So, whether you're someone dealing with anxiety or a spouse trying to navigate these rough waters, tune in.
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Struggling with mental health issues within a marriage can feel like tackling a mountain without a roadmap. But what if we told you, you're not alone, and there are ways to navigate this rocky terrain together? Welcome to our conversation about the realities of mental health issues within marriage and the tools to traverse this landscape as a unified team. Drawing on our experiences and expertise as a licensed marriage counselor and relationship coaches, we take you on a journey that promises hope, practical advice, and some hard-earned insights. This is the start of a 5 episode series
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We are thrilled to bring you a compelling conversation with our special guest, Jay Stringer. As a renowned therapist, minister, researcher, and author, Jay brings an enlightening take on the profound connections between our sexuality and healing. We deep dive into his book "Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Path to Healing" and discuss how our sexuality is more than just a physical experience; it's an intricate weave of our journey towards connectivity.
Take the Holistic Desire Survey or visit Jay's website for more information!
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Spiritual Abuse. The manipulation and coercion that all too often happens within the church. Neglecting people's stories and the damaging tendency to invalidate people's experiences. The church's stance on avoiding divorce often induces manipulation and outright trauma - even from well-meaning pastors.
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We all have a window of tolerance, and understanding your own and your spouse's can give you good insights into your marriage conflicts. Brace yourselves as we delve into this fascinating concept, exploring how it significantly impacts our ability to cope and our entire family dynamic.
Have you ever wondered why we react so differently when plunged into stressful situations? In this episode, we dissect the four key emotional responses when we exit the wind of tolerance - fight, flight, freeze, and fawn - and why they are important to understand in your marriage.
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Admitting to something is NOT the same as Owning it. In this episode, we unpack the power of owning mistakes in marriage. Many couples get stuck in this stage of admitting a wrong and wanting it to just go away, we try to unravel how admittance is a stepping stone, yet ownership is the actual journey towards genuine honesty and accountability.
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Is obligation sex intimacy? We pull back the veil on the often misunderstood topic of sexual intimacy within the Christian marriage, dissecting the unhealthy stigmas often associated with this divine expression of love. We candidly discuss the detriments of the twisted metaphor of sexual responsibility embedded in religious communities and guide you on how to steer clear of the harmful messages about sex within the church and purity culture.
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Have you ever found yourself exhausted by your church? If so, you are not alone. We, navigate this treacherous terrain of church fatigue and share about our own experience of fatigue.
What causes church fatigue? What do you do if you have it? How can you avoid it? Join us for a discussion and let us know what has caused your fatigue or helped you bounce back!
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Are you taking enough care of yourself? Now's the time to pause, reflect and reassess. We discuss the challenge of identifying what self-care truly means rather than resorting to ineffective coping mechanisms that simply suppress our true needs. Our conversation is centered on the importance of intentional engagement in self-care activities that allow us to remain present and attuned to our mental, physical, and spiritual needs.
Ever wondered about the place of self-care in Christianity? We dive into how self-care transcends the realms of modern trends and is deeply rooted in the teachings of our faith, as modeled by Jesus throughout his ministry.
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In the final episode of the Fighting Fair series, we share insights on how to navigate conflicts and bring them to a close in a way that fosters intimacy and trust. Join us as fight our way through this one but end up giving you some practical tips on how to actually end conflict before they just become another elephant in the room!
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Can conflict truly be a source of growth and intimacy in your marriage? Discover how to master the art of tackling disagreements as a team, transforming heated moments into opportunities for connection.
Uncover valuable and practical strategies for navigating conflicts and fostering healthier, more empathic conversations with your spouse. Equip yourself with the tools needed to navigate conflicts effectively and strengthen the bond with your spouse through open communication, empathy, and mutual growth.
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Ready to transform your conflict resolution skills? Join us in this episode as we share insights from our own 24-year marriage journey on how to navigate disputes and grow closer together. Discover the power of understanding your own conflict style, how your family background influences it, and the nuances of avoider and pursuer styles in relationships.
We dive deep into the processes behind the conflict, discussing the importance of staying on topic and setting boundaries for healthier communication. You'll learn how to avoid the damaging "highlighter moments" and open up your own complexity to truly understand your partner's perspective.
So, if you're eager to improve your conflict resolution and foster a stronger, more understanding relationship with your partner, don't miss this episode! Let's journey together in self-discovery and relationship growth, as we are still becoming one.
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Ever felt overwhelmed by the challenge of implementing the lessons learned from a marriage event or new resources? You're not alone! Join us as we recount our experiences from a recent marriage event we hosted at our church and discuss how to approach such events with hope while acknowledging that change takes time. We share insights on maintaining the right attitude and avoiding potential hurt and bitterness as you make strides toward a stronger, healthier relationship with your spouse.
We explore five practical ways to continue growing after attending a marriage event without feeling discouraged by the hard work of making positive changes. Tune in as we open up about our own journeys and how you too, can make the most of marriage events and resources, taking steps towards a more fulfilling and connected partnership.
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When sexual harm or betrayal enters your marriage, couples often struggle to find a way to move toward healing. It is essential to not ignore these important issues, but these difficult realities of broken sexual intimacy does not mean that your marriage is doomed to fail.
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Many Christian couples want to know what is right and wrong in sexual intimacy. Maybe you grew up hearing sex was wrong and dirty, and now shaking those feelings is hard to do. Julie sets out 4 boundaries for Christian marriages and then talks about all the freedom those healthy boundaries can bring. Just a hint, sticking to missionary position is NOT one of the boundaries.
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Continuing our sexual intimacy series, we are going to take a look at what happens when sex just seems to disappear. Why does it happen? What can you do about it to talk to your spouse about the issue? What steps should you take if you were like one of our listeners who wrote to say, "we haven't had sex in a year?"
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Sex is not transactional, or at least it is not supposed to be. Sex is not just an act; it is a dance of connection between you and your spouse. Learning how you can pursue your spouse and express your desire for them in a healthy way is a monumental challenge for many couples. This week's special guest J Parker from Hot Holy Humorous blog and The Sex Chat for Christian Wives podcast, shares her wisdom about healthy pursuit! Don't MISS a special BIG announcement in this episode!!!
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For years we ran a 10-day challenge on our blog, One Flesh Marriage. There were tremendous positives and, yes, even a few negatives of this crazy challenge. Join us as we walk down memory lane and share how you might join in the fun too!
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Every couple desires a deeper connection. Join our conversation with Scott & Jenny Means, our dear friends from Heaven Made Marriage. We discuss how you find a path towards oneness in marriage and how to avoid the onramps toward greater separation.
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We need friends, and yet they can either build to tare down your marriage. How do you strike a good balance? Diving into the challenge and blessing of friendships in the 3rd installment of our relationship series
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Part 2 of our relationship series, this time, we talk about what you can do to continue to grow your marriage and your kids! All too often, once kids arrive, your marriage shifts to place their needs first. Some of that is natural, but there are things you can do to maintain the priority of your marriage.
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The first of our relationship series talks about the relationships that impact our marriages! We tackle the one that can be a huge challenge, dealing with the in-laws and extended family. How do you set up boundaries? How do you integrate into their extended family? Navigating this challenge can be a hurdle or a victory for your marriage.
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Premarital mentoring can be such an important step in a couple's journey to becoming one. They have a chance to learn about their strengths and, if they are honest, what their challenges may be. That was NOT our experience during pretty lousy premarital.
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We get asked for good marriage resources daily, yet we struggle to give good healthy recommendations. We discuss how you can evaluate different marriage resources and try to take the good out of some (and talk about a few just to throw away!)
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Is this a sign that the marriage is done? If my spouse lets themselves go, what do I do? Is attraction my responsibility or theirs? Let's look at what attraction is and what you can do if you find yourself stuck thinking that your spouse isn't attractive anymore.
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Does it feel like you are constantly wrestling against your spouse? Feel like you are always battling each other? Maybe there is another source of attack you need to consider.
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Parenting is hard, add in any challenges, emotional, developmental, or otherwise, and all of a sudden the task is even harder. What does it mean to take care of each other when parenting in these extra-need situations? How could you support families or couples around you who might be dealing with these challenges?
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Is your marriage on life support? If you have been asking for changes for months or years and you are ready to give up hope - hold on! Before you give up maybe there are ways that you can get your spouses attention and finally work toward the intimacy you desire.
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Your story matters. What does that even mean? Why is it essential that we get to know our own story? I mean, I lived it; shouldn't I already know my story? These are just a few of the questions we hear when we discuss story work in coaching. Today we will give you the why, and what of story work and a small taste of why we think it is so important. For more information visit our website, Still Becoming One and The Allender Center.
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When was the last time you went away with just your spouse? No matter the answer, that question brings up many thoughts and emotions. Whether it’s uncertainty on how to make this a priority or excitement for the next getaway. Friends, we get it. Getting away is not an easy thing to do, but it is a significant priority to have in your marriage.
That sacred time alone makes space for relaxing, connecting, and recharging, not to mention dreaming, laughing, and snuggling. Join us as we explore why getting away at least once a year, just the two of you, needs to be a priority and bring to light the challenges many couples face with getting away together. Also, stay tuned for a special event announcement later this year with our good friend J Parker from Hot Holy Humorous
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"We are so different," "We married so young," "I don't even know myself" These are all statements we hear from individuals and couples who are in desperate places in their marriages. They feel like they have changed so much that they don't even know their spouse anymore.
What is happening? Is the 7-year itch a real thing? How can marriages last as couples both grow? We take a hard look at this crazy dynamic and give some ideas on how your marriage can survive the 7-year itch! Hint it isn't about 7 years. It is about finding growth and change in your marriage, not outside of it! Let's work on building up ourselves and our spouses so that they will find new hobbies, not new spouses!
https://stillbecomingone.com/the-7-year-itch-episode-27/
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Kids are a wonderful challenge in every marriage. We love them dearly, and yet it is hard to juggle what they need and the needs of your marriage too. We often hear from couples who put their marriage on hold because their kids need them.
We believe that kids raised in a marriage-positive home don't feel the lack of time nearly as much as they feel the positive effects of a healthy marriage. We decided to take a risk in this episode and put our theory to the test.
We invited our oldest son to be our guest on the podcast and share his raw and honest thoughts about what it was like to live through our marriage challenges, changes, and, eventually, us starting our marriage ministry! Does having a marriage-positive approach to parenting change things? You be the judge.
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Life transitions in marriage are unique and challenging times for any couple, and yet life throws those transitions at us quite frequently. Getting married, having children, losing a parent, moving, changing jobs, and having kids move out, all of these can be challenging times of transition for any couple.
We share what major life transitions we are making in 2023 and how we are trying to navigate them well in our marriage. Join us, and maybe you'll get some ideas on how you can make your next life transition easier in your marriage too.
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Stumped on how to find that present that will really wow your wife or knock your hubby's socks off? You've searched the wish lists and still haven't found the right thing? Our Christmas Gift Guide will get your brain thinking in the right direction with lots of practical ideas and a new way of thinking about Christmas Gifts. We will help you discover that perfect gift that will give a "wow" as they unwrap it on Christmas morning and maybe be something that will continue to give the gift of intimacy all year long!
Still Becoming One
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It's the most wonderful time of the year! Most of us adore the joy and family time of the Thanksgiving and Christmas seasons, and yet holidays also bring with them some unique challenges. Almost all of the couples that we are coaching will spend some time this month planning and strategizing how they can survive the holiday with extended family. Let's face it; there are joys and heartaches that happen when we get together with family. How you navigate these issues as a couple will dramatically impact your marriage. We've seen couples navigate it poorly and others who manage to help each other feel supported and safe at the in-law's home. Join us as we talk about not just how to survive family get-togethers but how to thrive as a couple!
Still Becoming One
Aldrich Ministries Coaching Network
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Marriage might be challenging, but if you pay attention to the dashboard lights, it can be the paradise you have always dreamed of. What are your dashboard lights? Well, for us, they are the things that tell us we need to pay attention in our marriage BEFORE something goes wrong. What is your marriage "low pressure" gauge? In this episode, we talk about what sends off alarms for us and give you some ideas on how you can bring your marriage in for regular maintenance before problems show up!
Still Becoming One
Aldrich Ministries Coaching Network
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We all have those days when the flu or corona finally hits, and we feel lousy. When sickness hits your marriage, how does it impact you? Is the man cold a real thing in your home? How you care for each other in these times might vary differently from your normal. Join Kate and Brad as they talk about how they have navigated their needs and stories to lean on each other in times of sickness.
The idea of having a date night while married is never as romantic as it seems. The whole process of trying to battle each other's calendars to find the time, going through the process of finding a babysitter, and getting ready is enough to send anyone running. Let alone the battle to actually try to agree on what to do or where you are going to eat! You are exhausted before you ever even get started. You might find yourself asking, "Can't we just stay in and skip all this? Is Date Night so important if we are already married?
In today's episode of Still Becoming One, we give you a picture of what a real married people's date night looks like. We will tackle this topic and give you a glimpse into our own date night traditions, bumps, bruises, and all. We promise it doesn't look like the storybooks, but it might give you some encouragement on how to make your next date night less of a fight!
In a follow-up to the Growing Emotional Intimacy episode, we tackle an important question from a listener. You asked, and we are tackling it. “How do I learn to figure out my emotions if that isn’t something I have done before? I look at the chart and am still confused.”
You are not alone. For many people, identifying their emotions is not easy. God created us to all have emotions that are present each day. Being aware of them and giving them a name can often be frustrating and overwhelming. We will give you practical tips as to how you can uncover your emotions and become more comfortable engaging in the process of identifying them.
We all know Gary Chapman's wonderful book The Five Love Languages. It has been helping marriages for more than 25 years. We discuss three "advanced" ways to think about your spouse's love language and use these tools to really grow together. If you want to avoid conflict, or even if you are in the midst of it, these "Love Languages 200 level!" ideas might be exactly what you need.
What makes you the best spouse? If you are about to be married or you've been married for years, we all dream of having the best spouse possible. So what is that? What would make you the best spouse? How can you become an excellent spouse? In this episode, we talk about several ways that we can work toward becoming the spouse that we all want. We don't just give the easy answers, but we dive into what it really means to learn how God intended us to be.
Marriage betrayal, or betrayal trauma is when a spouse with whom you have built trust significantly violates that trust. There can be multiple ways this happens, but the one we discuss in today's episode is sexual mistrust and betrayal. We share the three stages of trauma and give some of the steps toward healing that need to happen in order to navigate this very difficult journey. If you have experienced betrayal, or maybe you are the cause of the betrayal in your marriage, we want to give you some steps forward to help you journey towards healing.
There is one word in the English language that has done more damage to marriages than any other. Divorce. Not in the obvious way, but when it is spoken as a weapon. When it is thrown out in the middle of a fight to get the other person's attention. Many couples have had this issue and struggle to rebuild and prevent the D word from eroding the foundation of the marriage. In this episode, we discuss why we fall into this bad habit and what we can do to stop it. We also talk through how you can heal if you have heard the D word thrown around in your arguments.
Every couple wrestles with fighting about their feelings. Sometimes we through them as weapons. Other times our feelings really need to be acknowledged, and they are ignored. What is true? What are just our feelings? How do we even understand all of that jumble of internal things and try to communicate about them?
Our emotions are important, but they don't always tell us the truth! In this week's episode, we try to get to the bottom of feelings vs. truth.
Everyone says that their marriage is important, that their spouse is a priority. But is it really? There will always be things that want to climb up your ladder of priorities and take the spot that your marriage should take. Whether it is work, kids, extracurricular activities, friends or even your church-keeping these things in their rightful place is so important and a constant balance we are trying to live out. Join us as we identify 7 practical, but challenging ways that you can do to keep your marriage a priority.
The local church should be a place where marriages can learn, grow and even seek help when they are struggling. Yet most churches struggle to make marriages a priority. There are good reasons and dynamics that have created this. As one of the few churches with a Marriage Pastor, we talk about what that position can be. But we don't end there, we give some practical ideas that even small churches can implement to become a marriage-friendly church.
The betrayal of unfaithfulness tears at the fabric of a marriage and leads every couple to ask, "is it possible to save my marriage?" There are no easy answers to this important question. In fact when people spout the easy answer they are most likely negating the hurt and pain that the betrayed spouse is experiencing. In this episode we will try to give you real answers that address the challenge, but also might give you some hope. Including some ideas on how you can move toward healing and if it is safe to do so.
We can't wait! The beach is calling, and the mountains sound wonderful! We are just starting to get away and WHAM! Here comes the vacation arguments! Why does this happen every single year? Vacations have a way of bringing up some challenging arguments even while we are dreaming that the exact opposite will happen. This week we give you some clues to why the vacation arguments happen, and what you can do to end them! Enjoy the beach again and end the conflict!
Every couple has conflict. Every marriage has conflict. Having conflict in your marriage is not necessarily a bad thing. How you end the conflict is critical! The goal is not to eliminate the conflict it is how you walk through it that matters. In this episode, we discuss how we learned how to have conflicts that matter, and still come out the other side feeling stronger. It was not an easy process in our own marriage but we discuss some practical ideas that can help you transform your conflict from dysfunctional to moving closer together.
Most couples are excited and maybe a little nervous about sex when they get married. However, all too often, somewhere along the journey, challenges start. Every couple will have times when they are missing each other sexually. Sometimes these differences grow and become a primary contention. It is all too often that we have heard couples talk about the distance in their sex life as one of the reasons why they are separating or even divorcing. The church usually does a lousy job of talking about sex. If they talk about it, it is usually to say "don't do it" before you are married and "just do it" when you are. Oh, and if you run into trouble, you will probably have some verses miss quoted to you. In this episode, we tackle the challenge of sexual intimacy and talk bout how to grow together, so sex doesn't tear you apart!
Welcome to part 4, a bonus episode in the Growing in Intimacy series. We've discussed spiritual intimacy, emotional intimacy, and sexual intimacy; is there more? What other kinds of intimacy should you be paying attention to in your marriage? How do you keep growing intimate in all areas of your relationship?
In part 3 of our Growing Intimacy series, today are (finally) talking about sexual intimacy. This might be the intimacy everyone thinks about when they hear the word intimacy but it is really only part of the whole design. Sex and sexual intimacy are either not taught in church, or used in unhealthy ways usually against women. In this episode, we share practical ways that couples can continue to work towards each other as they lovingly pursue healthy sexual intimacy.
Join us for part 2 of our discussion on growing intimacy in your marriage. In this episode, we tackle the elusive and somewhat mysterious idea of emotional intimacy. Emotional connection and intimacy isn't just the wives; we all have and need emotional intimacy. So what is it? How do we nurture it? Join us as we discuss what it is, how we've nurtured it, and give you some practical ideas to become one in your emotional intimacy. Visit our website to find links and show notes and join the discussion: http://stillbecomingone.com/growing-emotional-intimacy-episode-5
Part 1 of our Growing Intimacy series. Today we will be tackling the sometimes elusive spiritual intimacy. Most Christian couples have struggled to figure out how to have spiritual intimacy together. You've seen the books, you've probably read the couples devotionals, but if you are anything like us we didn't fit into that mold. Join us for some practical ideas on what growing spiritually with your spouse could actually look like and how it can dramatically help your journey of still becoming one.
Every single married couple wrestles with this one reality. There are only 24 hours in the day and everything wants a piece of your time. How can you work on still becoming one when it feels like the only time you see each other is as you are falling into bed? Time is a critical part of becoming one. In this episode, we talk about ways to try to carve it out with your spouse throughout the various phases of your marriage.
Everyone desires to have a better marriage, but actually getting there is hard work. We often say that you can start by "being the change in you want in your own marriage". What does that really mean? What steps can you take? When doesn't that work? Join us as we discuss how you can take a small step toward your spouse or find out if that is even possible.
Welcome to the Still Becoming One Podcast! When we married we deeply desired a Christian 'one flesh' marriage when we married, but we had no idea how. We tried and fell flat for a long time, going through many dark times. We wondered when the oneness was supposed to begin. Renewing grace and love wasn’t an easy process, but more than 20 years later, Brad is a licensed counselor, and Kate is a relationship coach. We work with couples and individuals who desire to discover what building a one-flesh marriage means, helping them uncover and understand their stories and the unique challenges keeping them stuck. We invite you to journey with us as we are Still Becoming One. In this episode, we share some of our own marriage journey!