Huddle Wisdom: Parents Helping Kids With Anxiety: Recent Episodes
Dr Davin Tan - psychiatrist and dad navigating the beautiful mess of life
Parenting kids with anxiety in modern times is not easy.
Learn the mental models that supports you in this important work of navigating anxiety with your kids.
Feel less exasperated, less alone and more connected.
Hosted by Dr Davin Tan 🧠 dad and psychiatrist
Intro and Outro music 📻 by Infraction
If you want to help keep the show going please consider contributing. www.buymeacoffee.com/huddlewisdom
- If you'd like to get on the waitlist for the Foundations of Emotional Connection course then go to www.huddlewisdom.com/foundations
School refusal is a hard problem for kids, parents and teachers. Failure is common.
Is there a mental model or approach we can adopt to deal with this? Join me for this week's episode and I think you might find it useful.
Link to get FREE framework for navigating emotional storms
Emotional Storm Toolkit FREE
Join us for another riveting episode as Davin drives home from work...trying to figure out what cognitive error sports parent Karens make. And what you can do to make sure you don't become one.
Thinking errors are normal but we have to know they exist so we don't let them ruin our relationships with our kids.
Once a parent, always a parent.
Likewise, you're always going to be a child to someone no matter how old you are...
but, it can be incredibly challenging knowing how best to help an adult child who is going off the rails.
How do you preserve your self while doing what's best for them? It's all so tricky.
I hope that the points I make in this episode offers you some assistance my friend.
👇
Empathic Connection Kickstarter: FREE DOWNLOAD
Why do young people do such naughty things like ram raids?
And what can we do as parents to help stop that behaviour?
Tune in.
Link to Connection Kickstarter - FREE training
www.huddlewisdom.com/jedimind
Link to the Nutters Club Radio show
https://www.newstalkzb.co.nz/on-air/nutters-club/davin-tan-a-psychiatrists-look-at-parenting/
It's really stressful when you find out your child is being a bully, or is being bullied.
There's plenty of conflicting advice you might be given which only adds to the stress.
Don't worry, here's some anchor points from us at Huddle Wisdom to steady your nerves.
Tune in, and it'll help you out I'm sure.
.... FREE TRAINING ... if you're interested...👇👨🎓
It's really tough when your kid's are hurting but they don't want to talk with you.
The first thing to do is re-connect. I've got some powerful mental models that you can use now.
Implement them and build relationships with your children that will help them weather emotional storms.
www.huddlewisdom.com/jedimind
Word up folks.
So how are we going to solve the mental health crisis?
Well...we can actually start right at home...and I'd like to share my thoughts on how we can save ourselves.
Lofty aims I know...but we ought to aim high right?
Do the Empathic Practice Course! (aka Empathic Discipline)
www.huddlewisdom.com/practice
A short episode today...apologies for the 'streams' of consciousness style...though I still think you'll get some handy hints here.
Resilience is extremely important but how we teach our children resilience is less obvious...well I want to change that...tune in!
Before you can teach your kids the value of honesty; and before you start doing that fancy positive reinforcement stuff to 'catch' them in the act of doing honest things...you have to 1) know that the conditions in their environment are set right first and 2) that you have an idea of what skill deficits there are and what to then develop.
Tune in to find out more if you want to help your kids to stop lying and stealing.
For those who want to go even further...I invite you to do the Empathic Discipline course aka the Moral Discipline course!
www.huddlewisdom.com/practice
To lead a moral life means we suspend our own self interests for the sake of others.
Surely the world would be a better place if we could all do our part in making it a moral place.
Unfortunately there is an absence of good moral teaching in many places : homes, schools and mental health services. So how do we start?
Tune in to get my 2 cents...
9 Ways You Can Suceed with Empathic Parenting: Huddle Wisdom Course ?Pay what you want? 👇💥💥 Limited number of courses available
Click Here: LIMITED NUMBERS LEFT! Get it quick
Another one from my drive home.
This time, decision fatigue...
You feel exhausted and you don't know why. Well you probably do but some people actually don't know.
What are the signs of decision fatigue? How do you tackle it?
www.huddlewisdom.com/practice (a simple method to minimise your parenting and child rearing stress!)
The process of learning is not straight forward. I'm sure anyone reading this who has any experience working on skill acquisition will know the frustration of hitting walls and plateaus in training or learning. The way to deal with this, is to not care...and just keep training! but pull back on the intensity if you're feeling burnt out...just take it down a notch. Take stock. Think about where you want to be. What are your goals. Break them down smaller and laser focus on hitting smaller goals. Soon you'll be moving along just fine.
By the way...if you want less stress as a parent when it comes to raising emotionally disciplined children...then check this out.... www.huddlewisdom.com/practice
Me answering parent questions...this time...what if your kids ask you something you can't answer? also...check out...our course which helps you use what you've got to improve your kids emotional discipline www.huddlewisdom.com/practice
How do we not spoil our kids? Join me in this conversation with Evana Lithgow - a psychologist and who I consider an expert in helping families with the job of transferring and transition of wealth. Who better than to ask than Evana? Check out an article here which is really helpful www.w.campdenfb.com/article/did-great-great-great-grandpa-have-ipad-how-teach-your-children-wealth-responsibility Evana's Linkdin Profile: www.linkedin.com/in/evana-lithgow-35a92b15/ Evana's website: http://workingminds.co.nz/
Another drive to work episode.
Thoughts about what it means to be happy.
It's not just about the absence of unhappiness.
I talk about external vs internal loci of control; reversion to the mean; values; and things that light us up.
I hope you get something out of this my friends.
www.huddlewisdom.com/gettools
What is my value? What is my worth?
If you're interested, come and hang out with me on my drive to work (not literally) and I hope that the things I say on this episode will help you work through these important questions.
By the way. Here is the link to the toolkit for emotional storms that I mentioned www.huddlewisdom.com/gettools
Zombies and Bayes Theorem. What?!
Okay, bear with me. Sometimes, our intuition leads us into perilous situations.
Our brains try to be helpful...but because of mental shortcuts...it doesn't always work out so well for us... So...we have to pause...think and rationalise.
Although we cannot predict the outcomes of a bad event.
We can increase the probability of a favourable outcome if we learn how to obtain good reliable data and information so we stand a better chance of avoiding bad outcomes...
it's not guaranteed to help us do that (such is life) but we can improve our odds of survival.
Intrigued? .... tune in and let's huddle.
Music by Infraction By the way:
Here's the link to some other good mental models to help you survive!
www.huddlewisdom.com/gettools
Anxiety affects us all. Adults, teachers, parents and kids. How do we help our anxious kids? especially when we're feeling awful ourselves or struggling with our own emotions.
Join me and tune in to my conversation with clinical psychologist Tanzi Bennison.
She also has a wonderful programme for schools and families which you should definitely check out! www.chillax.org.nz
I ask Tanzi some of the most common questions parents and teachers ask. And Tanzi gives us great practical help here. Don't miss it!
We can all feel bad when we're trying to set boundaries; sometimes we carry our baggage from the past with us into the present.
It doesn't have to be that way.
Sometimes our kids push back...that's normal...but it still feels hard.
I'll help you take the guilt out of setting boundaries. Jump in and i'll explain.
Here's the link to the emotional storm toolkit which i think will help take the anxiety out of navigating emotional storms.
www.huddlewisdom.com/gettools
Just adding a little bit more knowledge for you knowledge-philes. I'll drip feed bits every so often to help us 'round' out our understanding of how ADHD affects kids and adults and that'll point us towards more individualised solutions for people I believe. By the way here's the link to the lecture I gave a month ago to a bunch of parents and teachers about how to teach kids to be more compassionate, empathic and influential! www.huddlewisdom.com/lecture
Sorry for last week's dog's breakfast of an episode. Coughing and spluttering is not really great to listen to. This is episode 32a. In the audio I said 31a, that's wrong. It's 32a. Sorry...again.
You can listen to episode 32 which does contain some good stuff if you can forgive me for the coughing but this one consolidates all that stuff into one basic principle.
I also mentioned my interview with Anita Nowak PhD which was really a lot of fun. WE talked about the principles of empathy and how we can cultivate this and make the world better.
Here's the link....https://open.spotify.com/show/1kUXlB4PsfzHaNj00GSMzG
Here's is the link to the lecture about how to teach kids to empathise and become more compassionate influential people!
www.huddlewisdom.com/lecture
Intro and outro music by Infraction
Humans like to split people and lump people into groups. You're in or you're out. How do we talk to our kids and teach them to see people as individuals so they don't breed unhelpful bias or prejudice in their thinking lives? Jump in and let's talk about it.
Our perceptions of things in life is not going to change reality, but it can change how we feel about ourselves, others and the future. In this episode I talk about the idea of how we can catch unhelpful thoughts that cause us to feel awful about things, and turn it around for ourselves... To find out more go to www.huddlewisdom.com/blog/poo Music by Infraction
Personal reflections from yours truly about feeling like a failure and what I've been thinking about to get through it. Hope it helps.
In this episode I talk briefly about how I like to conceptualise ADHD. It's a helpful way of 'seeing' ADHD and it helps us find creative ways to intervene and help those who have difficulties.
The solution to other people's problems are not always easy to find. Sometimes it's not always what is needed in a moment of crisis. In this episode, I share my perspectives on depression and share some ideas as to how you might want to approach it if you come across someone who's struggling with depression. Just note that the information in this episode is not medical advice or psychiatric advice. It's my opinion and if you need clinical advice please go see your doctor; and if you need immediate clinical help go to your local mental health team. ........ The Practice of Empathic Discipline: Keys for supporting your children's emotional development. www.huddlewisdom.com/practice Music intro and outro by Infraction.
My friends! Do you want your kids to know how to win friends and influence people? Here. Get some pearls of wisdom. You are welcome. Here are some of my favourite tips to help you teach your children to empathise well! It's not just for kids of course - adults will benefit too. Enjoy. Davin ps...check out www.huddlewisdom.com/jedimind (to learn more!)
School refusal is tough to deal with, but it is not impossible. Come hang out and we'll discuss it. Also check out the FREE resource to help you make roadmaps to navigate difficult emotions: www.huddlewisdom.com/gettools
I was the naughty and loud kid at school...believe it or not. But I had a teacher who valued me - or at least I felt it. She empathised with me and I found a place in her class. I felt like I belonged because of her. You can hear more about that story her but I also talk about why empathy is so crucial for kids and how you can develop your empathic skills the Huddle Wisdom way, and make it your own. Intro music by Infraction (thank you!) To sign up for the Practice of Empathic Discipline Course go to: www.huddlewisdom.com/practice For FREE emotional storm toolkit (navigate emotional tantrums safely): www.huddlewisdom.com/gettools
We talk about how we can give others the benefit of the doubt while we attempt to understand their perspectives; so we are more reflective rather than reactive.
It's not easy, especially if you sense there is a deliberateness behind your interlocutor's invalidation. BUt hold the line. Do your best to empathise; it is worth it. Remember empathy does not mean you agree; it is simply a way to help you understand your interlocutor.
This can be quite disarming and it takes the wind out of the sails of a conflict; which makes for a more productive sort of interaction.
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👀Parents and teachers. Check out the Practice of Empathic Discipline.
If you want kids to learn the gift of empathy and learn to control their emotions, build strong relationships with others and make better decisions then check this out: 👉www.huddlewisdom.com/practice 👍
Nothing in life that wasn't already given to us is free. We have to wake up every day and get after what we want. How do we impart such a way of living? Do we even want that for our kids? Well, I tell you know, it starts with you. Come hang out and I'll tell you more. Also - please go check out the Practice of Empathic Discipline. It has launched. It's awesome. It's an audio course for parents and teachers too busy to learn a whole course on fluffy emotional stuff. This here, are the keys to helping your kids succeed emotionally and relationally. Go GET IT! www.huddlewisdom.com/practice
While not an exhaustive list; these are 5 of the most common characteristics I come across in practice. And a few things that help find equilibrium. If you're not wired this way. It's all good, there are mental models that can help you cultivate the sort of 'sensitivity' that empaths have. To start learning a bit more about that, check out the free resource here: www.huddlewisdom.com/jedimind #huddlewisdom #empathymatters #emotionalintelligence #parents #teachers
Sometimes we get it wrong because we're in a rush to solve a problem for our loved ones. The problem is that sometimes we don't wait long enough to understand what it is they are trying to convey and we then put our connection at risk, and that means we don't get to help them solve their problem. So, let me talk you through how to empathise properly so that you can then help your loved one solve a problem!
No matter how hard we try to censor and filter things out for them, kids are like sponges, picking up on everything we say and do even if they don't fully understand the meaning of the information they've absorbed. It's part of our job to help them make sense of that information. In my view, the best times to impart our values is when we capitalise on so called teachable moments. It is in the act of living life that they see our values play out organically. It's all well and good to give them a didactic lecture on the merits and demerits of virtue ethics but you'll put them to sleep. Kids will learn more from watching you and seeing how you handle conflict and problems in the heat of a moment. Make the effort to ask them questions about their thoughts and feelings about how they saw a particular situation. Ask them if they thought you ought to have acted differently. Ask them if they would have acted similarly given similar circumstances. Obviously you'll need to adjust such discussion to their age and stage, but the principle remains the same. Use their answers to structure your conversation about whatever values you would like to teach them. You could also use the stories they read in books, or watch on TV to talk about values. I encourage you to do your best to identify and label the values you see being played out; e.g.: "gee wasn't that fox kind to treat those chickens like that" etc..."it's great if everyone learned to give more than they got; then everyone would be better off" etc... Imparting your values early is critical. Believe it or not, as they get older, even though their friends will have some influence on them, they'll filter what their friends say and do through the lens of the value you've already instilled! It's well worth the investment. .... Empathic Connection Resource (FREE) www.huddlewisdom.com/jedimind
*WARNING* This episode contains some material that might be distressing to some listeners. It contains recent news about the tragedy in Uvalde, Texas I share my thoughts about how we might process this and find some way of preventing such tragedy in the future. I hope it helps. Peace to you.
Directing our intent is a much more powerful way of transforming our lives than goal setting. Intrigued? Let me explain. Tune in to the episode and let's hang out!
Praise and complimenting children can be a 2-edged sword. You have to know the pros and cons. Tune in to the episode and I'll give you the heads up. Go to www.huddlewisdom.com/gettools to get the FREE mini course ' Toolkit for Emotional Storms'
Jealousy is normal, but if mismanaged it can lead to problems that we don't want down the road. Let's talk about how we prevent that. Check out the FREE mini-training resource here for empathic connection: huddlewisdom.com/jedimind Music by Infraction
There's a misconception that people with ASD can't empathise. That's not true, and I'll tell you why. What is empathy anyway? In this episode, I explore some of the ways we can help each other improve our social reading skills; irrespective of whether you have ASD or not.
Get the FREE Toolkit for Emotional Storms/Meltdowns/Tantrums here: Emotional Storm Toolkit FREE
Bust Unhelpful Thought Patterns now with this cheatsheet: Bust Unhelpful Thoughts
I don't know about you but I'm notoriously bad at following my own advice. This week, I explore ideas around saying sorry. This episode is just as much for me as it is for anyone else who struggles to let go of hurt and offense. I hope it helps to lighten your spirits. Go well my friends.
I dive into this a little on the Huddle Wisdom blog. Say sorry more
Get the FREE Toolkit for Emotional Storms/Meltdowns/Tantrums here: Emotional Storm Toolkit FREE
Bust Unhelpful Thought Patterns now with this cheatsheet: Bust Unhelpful Thoughts
The key to being influential is connection. You need to be able to connect with someone before they will trust you. This is a critical skill for any business person, teacher, parent, doctor, human being. Let me tell you about 3 ideas which I think is going to help you out. Let's huddle!
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We're going to get the Practice of Empathic Discipline course to folks on our email lists mainly, so sign up to the waitlist and we'll let you know as soon as is ready to go live. It'll help you save time, energy and prevent loads of headaches for you if you have a system of principles that helps you discipline with less stress! Click here now to join waitlist!
https://www.huddlewisdom.com/introducing-practice-of-empathic-discipline
Social anxiety is normal. But if it gets in the way of our goals, then that's something worthy of intervention. So how do we start helping our kids with this? Let's huddle!
Get the FREE Toolkit for Emotional Storms/Meltdowns/Tantrums here: Emotional Storm Toolkit FREE
Bust Unhelpful Thought Patterns now with this cheatsheet: Bust Unhelpful Thoughts
If you're frustrated that you're not making any progress. Let me see if I can help you out with a couple of mental models to see if we can move the needle.
I want to share a mental concept from my blog that I use when I'm feeling as though life is getting a bit wobbly and when it feels as though we're not on solid footing. I think that this idea along provides a powerful framework for keeping our emotions in check. Don't worry about the wobble!
Hey friends. I hope you are doing well. Join me on this episode as I spend a bit of time going over some key ideas that I think will help you manage the imposter syndrome. I've expanded on what I'd said in the first episode of the podcast, and I think you might find it helpful.
Get the FREE Toolkit for Emotional Storms/Meltdowns/Tantrums here: Emotional Storm Toolkit FREE
Bust Unhelpful Thought Patterns now with this cheatsheet: Bust Unhelpful Thoughts
How satisfying it is sometimes to find a scapegoat for bad outcomes, but how easily we change our tune when a good outcome happens! Let's see if we can play by a different set of rules and live without needing to blame each other for stuff that just happens in life. Life would be so much better!
Attributing outcomes to individual strength or flaws is problematic if we don't learn to recognise the role of circumstances and the complex interactional factors in life that lead to said outcomes.
If we can learn to appreciate the role that the system plays in individual choices, I think this could help us break unhelpful and automatic biased thinking patterns. Perhaps the key to making better decisions is to learn how to think more systemically rather than individualistically.
Read the blog post here: Stop Blaming. Start Living.
Get the FREE Toolkit for Emotional Storms/Meltdowns/Tantrums here: Emotional Storm Toolkit FREE
Bust Unhelpful Thought Patterns now with this cheatsheet: Bust Unhelpful Thoughts
Backchatting can be really hard to deal with. It pushes our buttons doesn't it? But here are some ideas to help us cope, manage and teach our kids better ways of dealing with stress and conflict. Take care my friendly friends.
Read the blog here where we talk about 3 tips to help you cope with this. Backchatting - how to deal with this?
Get the FREE Toolkit for Emotional Storms/Meltdowns/Tantrums here: Emotional Storm Toolkit FREE
Bust Unhelpful Thought Patterns now with this cheatsheet: Bust Unhelpful Thoughts
There are times when bad decisions get made during emotional upheaval. We need our wizard brain to do the thinking. What's that? Let's discuss this a bit.
I write a little more about this on the Huddle Wisdom blog: Lizards and Wizards
Get the FREE Toolkit for Emotional Storms/Meltdowns/Tantrums here: Emotional Storm Toolkit FREE
Bust Unhelpful Thought Patterns now with this cheatsheet: Bust Unhelpful Thoughts
Hey friends. Join me on another work commute! A little streams of consciousness here but I hope it makes sense, and I hope this episode encourages you and enriches you today. Sometimes we can block ourselves from enjoying the life we have now, inspite of circumstances. We all struggle. I've got a few concepts and frameworks which I think you might find useful.
If you'd like to support the show please check out my page on buymeacoffee and buy me a coffee so I can keep this podcast going! Any help gratefully appreciated.
Get the FREE Toolkit for Emotional Storms/Meltdowns/Tantrums here: Emotional Storm Toolkit FREE
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My morning musings today after hearing first hand accounts from a Victoria University professor talking about young males who were part of the COVID19 mandate protests in Wellington attempt to set fire to a building with cloth doused with accelerant. Some observations from me here.
Get the FREE Toolkit for Emotional Storms/Meltdowns/Tantrums here: Emotional Storm Toolkit FREE
Bust Unhelpful Thought Patterns now with this cheatsheet: Bust Unhelpful Thoughts
These can be stressful, disorientating and confusing to deal with. Where do we begin? Have we got the time to figure this out? A framework would be really useful! Come join us for this episode. I know you'll find it helpful. The website (www.huddlewisdom.com) is under construction, but it's coming soon, I swear!
Get the FREE Toolkit for Emotional Storms/Meltdowns/Tantrums here: Emotional Storm Toolkit FREE
Bust Unhelpful Thought Patterns now with this cheatsheet: Bust Unhelpful Thoughts
Join me on my drive to work! As I do my best not to do any road ragey things! Fundamental Attribution Bias/error is the culprit. How do we stop it and allow us to have a much more pleasant drive to wherever we need to be?
Get the FREE Toolkit for Emotional Storms/Meltdowns/Tantrums here: Emotional Storm Toolkit FREE
Bust Unhelpful Thought Patterns now with this cheatsheet: Bust Unhelpful Thoughts
This is a follow up to last week's episode (Tackling the Imposter Syndrome) where we explore the power of self inquiry; asking ourselves good questions. How do we construct good questions that allow us to find the answers we need to help bust unhelpful thought patterns? Huddle up and let's get into it!
Get the FREE Toolkit for Emotional Storms/Meltdowns/Tantrums here: Emotional Storm Toolkit FREE
Bust Unhelpful Thought Patterns now with this cheatsheet: Bust Unhelpful Thoughts
Have you ever felt as though you're just pretending to be something you're not, but still aspire to something greater? I know that I do everyday. Fighting our own inner critic can be a rough match, leaving us worn out - sometimes, we need someone in our corner rooting for us. Perhaps the way to taking it down is simpler than we thought; it's certainly not easy, but having a tried and true strategy would be quite handy to get us back in the game. I'll talk about my favourite moves here in this episode, but it does involve setting aside our egos and accepting a little help from our friends so we can win.
Get the FREE Toolkit for Emotional Storms/Meltdowns/Tantrums here: Emotional Storm Toolkit FREE
Bust Unhelpful Thought Patterns now with this cheatsheet: Bust Unhelpful Thoughts