@Communications | Media – BIZCATALYST 360°: Recent Episodes
BIZCATALYST 360
It seems we live in a world with constant interruption, distraction and urgency and the core skills of listening are often overlooked. During my recent trip to Kathmandu, Nepal I had the privilege of sharing the gifts, skills and impact of listening within two schools. I continued to bear witness to the profound impacts deep listening can have in today’s world:
- Building strong relationships: Deep listening fosters empathy and understanding, strengthening connections between individuals. In a world where technology often facilitates superficial interactions, genuine listening can create authentic bonds.
- Conflict resolution: Many conflicts arise from misunderstandings or miscommunication. Deep listening allows parties to truly hear each other’s perspectives, facilitating resolution and preventing escalation.
- Effective collaboration: Whether in school, the workplace or community settings, deep listening enhances teamwork and cooperation. When individuals feel heard and valued, they are more likely to contribute fully and engage in collaborative efforts.
- Enhanced creativity and innovation: Deep listening promotes open-mindedness and the exploration of diverse perspectives. This can lead to breakthroughs in problem-solving and innovation as different viewpoints are considered and integrated.
- Personal growth: Being listened to deeply validates one’s experiences and emotions, fostering personal growth and self-awareness. In a fast-paced world where self-reflection may be neglected, deep listening provides a valuable opportunity for individuals to explore their thoughts and feelings.
- Reduced stress and anxiety: Feeling truly heard can be incredibly therapeutic, reducing stress and anxiety levels. In a society where mental health issues are increasingly prevalent, the simple act of listening attentively can have profound effects on well-being.
- Cultivating trust and respect: Deep listening demonstrates respect for others and builds trust over time. In a world where trust is often eroded by skepticism and cynicism, genuine listening can be a powerful tool for rebuilding and strengthening relationships.
In conclusion, deep listening is a fundamental skill with far-reaching implications in our modern world. By prioritising this skill, individuals and communities can foster understanding, connection, and growth amidst the chaos of constant interruption and distraction.
Thank you for listening.
If you enjoyed reading and think others would too, please share openly, thank you. Stay connected here or via LinkedIn.
Tracy Bicknell-Holmes, Boise State University; Elaine Watson, Boise State University, and Jose Guillermo ‘Memo’ Cordova Silva, Boise State University
The phenomenal growth in artificial intelligence tools has made it easy to create a story quickly, complicating a reader’s ability to determine if a news source or article is truthful or reliable. For instance, earlier this year, people were sharing an article about the supposed suicide of Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s psychiatrist as if it were real. It ended up being an AI-generated rewrite of a satirical piece from 2010.
The problem is widespread. According to a 2021 Pearson Institute/AP-NORC poll, “Ninety-five percent of Americans believe the spread of misinformation is a problem.” The Pearson Institute researches methods to reduce global conflicts.
As library scientists, we combat the increase in misinformation by teaching a number of ways to validate the accuracy of an article. These methods include the SIFT Method (Stop, Investigate, Find, Trace), the P.R.O.V.E.N. Source Evaluation method (Purpose, Relevance, Objectivity, Verifiability, Expertise and Newness), and lateral reading.
Lateral reading is a strategy for investigating a source by opening a new browser tab to conduct a search and consult other sources. Lateral reading involves cross-checking the information by researching the source rather than scrolling down the page.
Here are five techniques based on these methods to help readers determine news facts from fiction:
- Research the author or organizationSearch for information beyond the entity’s own website. What are others saying about it? Are there any red flags that lead you to question its credibility? Search the entity’s name in quotation marks in your browser and look for sources that critically review the organization or group. An organization’s “About” page might tell you who is on their board, their mission and their nonprofit status, but this information is typically written to present the organization in a positive light.
The P.R.O.V.E.N. Source Evaluation method includes a section called “Expertise,” which recommends that readers check the author’s credentials and affiliations. Do the authors have advanced degrees or expertise related to the topic? What else have they written? Who funds the organization and what are their affiliations? Do any of these affiliations reveal a potential conflict of interest? Might their writings be biased in favor of one particular viewpoint?
If any of this information is missing or questionable, you may want to stay away from this author or organization.
- Use good search techniquesBecome familiar with search techniques available in your favorite web browser, such as searching keywords rather than full sentences and limiting searches by domain names, such as .org, .gov, or .edu.
Another good technique is putting two or more words in quotation marks so the search engine finds the words next to each other in that order, such as “Pizzagate conspiracy.” This leads to more relevant results.
In an article published in Nature, a team of researchers wrote that “77% of search queries that used the headline or URL of a false/misleading article as a search query return at least one unreliable news link among the top ten results.”
A more effective search would be to identify the key concepts in the headline in question and search those individual words as keywords. For example, if the headline is “Video Showing Alien at Miami Mall Sparks Claims of Invasion,” readers could search: “Alien invasion” Miami mall.
- Verify the sourceVerify the original sources of the information. Was the information cited, paraphrased or quoted accurately? Can you find the same facts or statements in the original source? Purdue Global, Purdue University’s online university for working adults, recommends verifying citations and references that can also apply to news stories by checking that the sources are “easy to find, easy to access, and not outdated.” It also recommends checking the original studies or data cited for accuracy.
The SIFT Method echoes this in its recommendation to “trace claims, quotes, and media to the original context.” You cannot assume that re-reporting is always accurate.
- Use fact-checking websitesSearch fact-checking websites such as InfluenceWatch.org, Poynter.org, Politifact.com or Snopes.com to verify claims. What conclusions did the fact-checkers reach about the accuracy of the claims?
A Harvard Kennedy School Misinformation Review article found that the “high level of agreement” between fact-checking sites “enhances the credibility of fact checkers in the eyes of the public.”
- Pause and reflectPause and reflect to see if what you have read has triggered a strong emotional response. An article in the journal Cognitive Research indicates that news items that cause strong emotions increase our tendency “to believe fake news stories.”
One online study found that the simple act of “pausing to think” and reflect on whether a headline is true or false may prevent a person from sharing false information. While the study indicated that pausing only decreases intentions to share by a small amount – 0.32 points on a 6-point scale – the authors argue that this could nonetheless cut down on the spread of fake news on social media.
Knowing how to identify and check for misinformation is an important part of being a responsible digital citizen. This skill is all the more important as AI becomes more prevalent.
Tracy Bicknell-Holmes, Library professor, Boise State University; Elaine Watson, Librarian and Associate Professor, Boise State University, and Jose Guillermo ‘Memo’ Cordova Silva, Library associate professor, Boise State University
This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.
In my previous article, “The Joy of Listening,” I shared how talking to someone who is listening helps you think (and feel) better. When you take turns talking and listening, you increase the clarity and confidence of both people.
An everyday story – your talk falls flat
You have spent a long time planning and preparing a talk. You expect the audience to be fascinated. You give your talk your all. Then you ask the people if they have any questions. You get one or two trivial ones, but nothing like the number and quality you hoped for. You feel awful. “They found the content dull and couldn’t relate to how I presented it. I’d better rewrite my talk and rehearse some more.”
A different solution.
You probably didn’t get so few questions because you presented the talk poorly! We process new information by comparing and contrasting it to what we already know. (Dear Reader, you are doing this now.) The audience had no time or support to do this when you asked, “Do you have any questions?”
You will have far better questions and more of them if you ask people to pair up and spend five minutes talking and making turns to chat about “What did you learn? What is one question you would like to ask?” Taking turns like this gives them the time and space to process what they have heard and the confidence to ask a question.
Taking this further – the “Un-Talk.”
Putting people into pairs helps a presenter get more and better questions. An “Un-Talk” takes this a step further. You form pairs before your talk. You tell your audience, “I know you want to know more about “this topic” but I don’t know what about it you want to learn today. Please, will you spend five minutes talking with the person sitting next to you about why each you are here and come up with a question. My “talk” will be the answers to your questions.”
Two advantages of this approach are that what you say is relevant to the audience and that an un-talk is much less work than the conventional approach. There is more about this here.
Another common story – the chaotic meeting
You are running a meeting to decide on “a vital topic”. Everybody has strong feelings about it, so there is a lot of talking, shouting and interrupting and very little listening. You remind people about the objective of the meeting and “call them to order,” but the chaos continues. You think it’s your fault. You should have prepared better and run the meeting more tightly.
A different solution
You can’t solve a “feelings” problem by focusing more on the task. You have to deal with the feelings. People find it difficult to think straight or behave constructively when angry, sad, frustrated, scared, or embarrassed. When people express their feelings, and someone listens, they think more clearly.
When a meeting like yours happens, the simplest thing to do is to say, “Let’s have a short break. Walk around the room, find a partner and take turns talking about how you are feeling and what we can do to make progress in our discussion today.” Afterwards, the meeting will go much better.
Another story – intervening in a conflict
A group of senior police officers were planning a project. “Mary” and “Fred” were embroiled in a conflict which had turned into a battle. Their battle was entertaining, but it was slowing down progress. I asked Mary to put Fred’s argument and for Fred to check that she had understood it. He said she had got it right.
Then we swapped roles. When Fred put Mary’s argument, he discovered he hadn’t understood it completely. Eventually, with more clarification from Mary, he got it right. After this mutual clarification, they realised their positions were not so far apart, and they could bridge the gap.
Another story – pair work for personal and professional development
“The consultant as a human instrument” was the title of a session on an organisational development course. It reminds me that when I am coaching, counselling, consulting, writing, or facilitating, all I have is all of me. Personal and professional development isn’t nice to have; it’s absolutely necessary.
Pair work for personal and professional development is not only more affordable than buying one-way support, but it is also much more effective. When you take turns, you are both vulnerable. You understand by experience what it is like to be helped (it can be surprisingly uncomfortable to accept love). Mutual trust builds exponentially.
It’s a lonely and risky business being an internal or external consultant. Taking turns supporting and challenging each other builds a human connection and is fun.
I’ve taken turns with people using coconsulting and cocounselling to help me learn and grow for fifty years. I still learn new things every time. Personal development never ends!
Finally, there are many other uses of “taking turns” that I haven’t listed or even thought of. Please use these ideas freely and build on them.
Tongues are the mirror of our characters. They reveal our identity and integrity. Just think about it. What goes in our minds is what our tongues say. The words we say reveal what we try to hide and also reflect what we think. What we think translates into words that our tongues say.
Take, for example, liars and cheaters. If a salesperson lies to you this is to cheat you and sell you a bad product at a high price. They are silver-tongued the characteristic of being persuasive and making people believe what they say.
What was going in his mind when lied to you? Probably, he had a low opinion of you and then he thought of you as an easy catch. He could also think of you as a naïve person and he could rob you easily.
The person who behaves this way lacks self-respect so he cannot extend respect for others. He is also dishonest and lacks empathy for others.
Cheating and lying become habits. A person who has these two traits is not only likely to cheat on you but also on his wife and friends.
Take another example. People who have long tongues in the sense they are talkative and tend not to allow others to speak by interrupting them. Those people behave like animals with long tongues. Long tongues help animals reach their food or catch their prey with ease.
What are people with longue tongues trying to achieve?
What goes in their mind is they are better informed than you are and that they know what you do not know. They could also think of you as unlearned and they know better than you do. To foster this image about themselves talkative people do not keep secrets because they want to prove that they know what others do not.
They are dishonest because they give false promises to keep the secrets of others. These people tend to intrude into the personal space of other people to get hidden information about them and share it as a way of saying they know what others do not know.
They build their social status by downgrading the social status of others.
One more example is people with shrewish tongues. Those people keep saying negative words such as it is hopeless, impossible, and the like. They say such words because they have the characteristics of fault-finding and complaining. They do not see beauty and look for faults to keep on complaining.
Watch your words because they eventually tell who you are.
Table of Contents* Understanding the Importance of Subject Lines * Key Elements of a Great Subject Line * Common Mistakes to Avoid * Testing and Optimizing Your Subject Lines * Useful Tools and Resources
Understanding the Importance of Subject LinesThe subject line of an email is the first thing a recipient sees and often dictates whether the email will be opened or ignored. According to Campaign Monitor, emails with engaging subject lines have higher open rates, which is crucial for the success of any email marketing campaign. The subject line is the gateway to your email’s content, making it a critical component of your marketing strategy. A well-crafted recruiting email subject line can significantly attract more candidates for job openings, enhancing the effectiveness of your recruitment efforts. Recognizing the importance of this initial impression can drive more meaningful engagement with your audience.
Key Elements of a Great Subject LineThere are several elements that contribute to the effectiveness of an email subject line:
- Clarity is paramount. A clear and concise subject line ensures the recipient knows exactly what to expect when they open the email. Avoid using jargon or ambiguous language that could confuse the reader.
- Personalization can dramatically increase your open rates. Including the recipient’s name or other personal details can make the email more relevant and tailored to their interests. Research from Experian shows that personalized emails deliver six times higher transaction rates.
- Urgency is a powerful motivator. Phrases like “limited time offer” or “respond by midnight” create a sense of urgency that can prompt immediate action.
- Relevance is key.
The subject line should speak directly to the recipient’s needs and interests. Understanding your audience’s preferences and crafting messages that resonate with them can help you achieve this.
Common Mistakes to AvoidAvoiding common pitfalls can greatly enhance the effectiveness of your email subject lines. One frequent mistake is being too vague. Vague subject lines can be confusing and lead to lower open rates because recipients may not understand the value of opening the email. Another mistake is overusing caps and punctuation. While it may seem like a good idea to grab attention, excessive use of caps lock and exclamation points can make your email look like spam.
Furthermore, lengthy subject lines should be avoided. Many email clients truncate long subject lines, especially on mobile devices, so keep it short. Finally, overpromising is a big no-no. Making promises in your subject line that the email content does not deliver can erode trust with your audience and lead to higher unsubscribe rates. Ensuring your subject line is honest and reflective of the email content is crucial for maintaining credibility.
Testing and Optimizing Your Subject LinesTesting different versions of your subject lines can provide valuable insights into what works best for your audience. Conducting A/B tests by sending different subject lines to small segments of your audience can help you determine which version performs better. Use metrics such as open rates and click-through rates to measure effectiveness. According to HubSpot, A/B testing can significantly improve email performance. Additionally, pay attention to the timing of your emails. Testing different send times can help you identify when your audience will most likely engage. Regularly reviewing and optimizing your subject lines based on performance data will enable you to improve your email marketing efforts continually.
Useful Tools and ResourcesSeveral tools can help you create more effective email subject lines. They can provide feedback on your subject lines and suggest improvements. This tool analyzes your subject line based on word balance, length, and sentiment to help you craft a headline that drives engagement. Additionally, email marketing platforms often offer built-in testing features to compare the performance of different subject lines. These tools can provide valuable insights and help you optimize your subject lines for better results. Regularly reviewing and implementing these improvements will ensure that your email marketing strategy remains effective and up-to-date with best practices.
Safety is a concept that can be manipulated to justify nearly anything.
~Bruce Schneier
In recent years, a troubling trend has emerged in group discussions, particularly in professional and social settings. When faced with ideas that challenge their beliefs or worldviews, some individuals retreat behind the claim, “I don’t feel safe.” While personal safety is undoubtedly crucial, this phrase is increasingly misused as a shield against intellectual discomfort, stifling meaningful dialogue and growth.
The concept of safety in discourse originally aimed to protect vulnerable groups from genuine threats or discrimination. However, its scope has expanded to include protection from ideas themselves. This shift poses a significant threat to open dialogue, critical thinking, and the exchange of diverse perspectives.
When someone claims they “don’t feel safe” in response to challenging ideas, they often conflate emotional discomfort with actual danger. This false equivalence does a disservice to both the individual and the group.
The act of verbalizing “I don’t feel safe” in a discussion setting can have an immediate and chilling effect on open, honest, and candid conversation. It shifts the focus from the ideas being discussed to the emotional state of the individual, often leading others to self-censor or tiptoe around certain topics. This disruption can derail productive exchanges, preventing the group from delving into important issues or considering alternative viewpoints. The mere utterance of this phrase can create an atmosphere of tension and caution, where participants become more concerned with avoiding offense than engaging in meaningful dialogue.
Moreover, this retreat to perceived safety can be seen as a form of intellectual cowardice. Growth – both personal and societal – often requires us to confront ideas or situations that make us uncomfortable. By avoiding these confrontations, we limit our ability to refine our own beliefs, understand others’ perspectives, and develop the resilience necessary to navigate a complex world.
The “I don’t feel safe” response can also be weaponized to silence opposing viewpoints. By framing disagreement as a threat to safety, individuals can effectively shut down conversations and paint those with different opinions as aggressors.
This tactic not only impedes productive dialogue but can also create a chilling effect, where others become hesitant to express their views for fear of being labeled as threats.
It’s essential to recognize that discomfort is not synonymous with danger. Feeling challenged, confused, or even upset by new ideas is a natural part of learning and growth. These feelings should be embraced as opportunities for self-reflection and expansion, not avoided in the name of safety.
Individuals, too, must cultivate resilience and openness to challenging ideas. This involves developing the ability to engage with concepts that contradict our beliefs, to consider them critically, and to respond with reasoned arguments rather than emotional retreats.
When faced with the urge to claim, “I don’t feel safe” in response to challenging ideas, we should instead ask ourselves: What about this makes me uncomfortable? Why do I hold my current beliefs? How can I engage with this perspective productively, even if I ultimately disagree?
By reframing our response to intellectual challenges, we open ourselves to growth, empathy, and a deeper understanding of the world around us. We must recognize that true safety lies not in avoiding discomfort or using “unsafe” as a defensive mechanism, but in developing the strength to constructively face it head-on.
In conclusion, while personal safety remains paramount, we must be wary of using “safety” as a shield against intellectual discourse. By embracing discomfort, engaging with challenging ideas, and fostering resilience, we can create more robust, dynamic, and enlightening group discussions that benefit all participants and society as a whole.
This week, myself and a couple of associates started to work on a rather large program for a client we had not done any work for in about 2 years. The reason for this lapse was that the client, who is a very good B-to-B marketer, shifted his focus pretty exclusively to digital marketing. He had always kept his website work separate from his overall branding, advertising, and direct marketing. And, though we were never really told as much, the evidence pointed to a decision to put all his eggs in a digital basket.
We followed the progress of this decision and for about a year and, it looked like it was a good move to make. But then, a strange thing happened. His sales started to flatten out. Nothing earthshakingly serious, but to an aggressive marketer and market leader, it sent up a definite red flag.
Eggs And BasketsPutting all your eggs in one basket, especially a digital basket, in today’s world, is a relatively high-risk venture. This is especially true if your target audience is one that still values conventional media as a primary source of product and industry information.
Digital media in all but a few of its various forms, is still, despite what most digital marketers tell you, a shotgun approach. This is more a function of the nature of the Internet than anything else. But it is what it is.
As digital media grows and new ideas come along to help sharpen its focus, it may become less of a shotgun. But, in my opinion, it will be quite some time before it’s anywhere near as effective at reaching any specific industrial target audience as focused trade media advertising, direct mail, and trade show participation.
The LearningAnyone who is not a blithering idiot understands that a presence in digital media is a given in today’s world. But in order to truly be doing things right for your business, it’s critically important to understand and respect the level of influence that conventional media still exerts on your core and secondary target audiences.
The target audience of the client I am referring to in this post is predominantly in the industrial trades, i.e. business owners and managers who are, by and large, very hands-on in their business, and whose media preferences are fairly balanced between digital and conventional.
If you lose touch with them in either of these media, it will adversely impact your sales.
That is what happened here. And the purpose of what we are doing for this client is pretty much a game of catch-up.
Hopefully, when we get caught up, sales will be back to their normal rate of growth and the client will actually have gleaned some pretty good learning about eggs and baskets.
Every time you talk to someone who is warm, attentive, and interested, you think and feel better. It’s astonishing!
A minor exampleI was stuck on a technical problem, and someone asked me, “How is it going?” Two minutes into my explanation, I solved it.
You will have had this experience, too.
Listening works well to help us to think differently about emotionally loaded issues, too.
Here’s a storyI was a curious child. My parents encouraged me to ask questions and work things out for myself. Questioning everything got me into terrible trouble at school with a head teacher. Much later, as an independent organisation development consultant, I avoided very senior people. They reminded me of the head who beat me!
I talked about my experience at school to a colleague who is a great listener. I realised I was an experienced adult, not a twelve-year-old child, and that senior people in organisations are not the same as my unpleasant headmaster.
Soon after this I worked closely with the COO of a major utility. It was easy because if she decided she wanted to do something, she could do it. I helped her team avert a strike that could have shut down the London Underground. This work would never have happened if I hadn’t talked to a good listener.
What happens when someone listens to us well?It’s difficult to think well when hurting (sad, scared, embarrassed, angry, confused, or powerless). Then, we often do things that hurt ourselves or other people. When we are in a situation that reminds us of a time when we were hurting, our thinking shuts down again.
But, when we talk to someone who listens, we express the feelings associated with the experience that caused them, which helps us think more clearly. My story shows how this works.
Listening helps us appreciate what we did that worked well so we can do more of it. It’s great to tell a story about a success and be encouraged to “jump for joy” about it. Try jumping. Expressing joy this way liberates energy and enthusiasm.
How can we have more high-quality listening?Better listening leads to better thinking, and we need better thinking in our challenging world. Coaches, counsellors, therapists and mentors sell listening as a professional service. These offerings are good but can’t meet the volume of the needs and desires we all have to be listened to.
The simple and elegant way to have more transformative listening is to take turns listening and talking. It’s enjoyable and a neat way to make or deepen a friendship. It’s rewarding to help someone and valuable to get some help.
You learn to listen and help better by doing, receiving, and understanding what works.
Another storyS and I met online this morning. He spent twenty minutes talking to me about his work. It’s a vital engineering project but frustrating to do. Internal communication is poor. I helped him think about his vision of success. He talked about how to improve the meetings he attends so there is more sharing and listening, and they succeed together. He decided he can have influence and will exert it.
In my turn, I spoke about my dilemma about attending a meeting on Appreciative Inquiry in Belgium. I was hesitating because I have had bad experiences travelling and attending events alone. Now that I know what went wrong and how to avoid it happening again, I have decided to go. Thanks, S.
We have exchanged a few emails, but this was the first time we had a conversation.
FinallyListening is a valuable and neglected social skill. It leads to better thinking and deeper human connections. It’s essential in the home as well as at work. The easiest way to have more is to “take it in turns “. As Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world”.
There is more on “Coconsulting” (one way to organise taking turns listening) here. https://www.nickheap.co.uk/coconsulting/
I posted recently on “Dense Soils and Dense Writing”.
The post compares dense writing to dense soil.
Dense soil is unfriendly to crops. It does not allow for proper aeration, exchange of gases, and passage of water and weakens the roots to reach nutrients. Poor crop yields result.
Dense posts have many ideas in each post. I call this multi-ideation. This confuses the reader and chills his interest. These posts use complex words and long sentences as well. The author moves from one idea to the next without proper “circulation”.
The warm reception by readers to the post encouraged me to share two more aspect of writing that many writers may not observe.
Writers and FamiliaritySome authors keep on writing on similar topics. The authors become so familiar with what they write. They become friendly with their chosen topics.
The problem starts when familiarity becomes over-familiarity. This trend breeds contempt, dries creativity and eats up curiosity.
There is a tendency about few writers to write on same topics. They are like over-specialized medical doctors who focus say on chest problems. We know that chest is connected to other systems in the human body and that they affect each other. As much as a medical doctor needs to grasp his field he needs also to understand the interconnectedness of the human body.
Writers too need to master what they write about but without neglecting other fields such as behavioral science. A storyteller may focus on the art of writing novels but he needs also to understand behavioral science to make his novels more realistic.
There is another frequently overlooked aspects of writing on same topics that leads to The Familiarity Effect. Writing on familiar topics may attract familiar readers only.
This is a huge shortcomings. Readers are like authors when they read on same topic they eventually lose interest and walk away. Add to this they drain out of creative ideas and the author loses meaningful feedback from readers.
A very important indicator for me as a writer is how many new commenters I attract to my posts. Those readers come with fresh ideas, they ventilate my mind and may have experiences what I have not.
Like we need to ventilate rooms to get fresh air we need to get new readers to ventilate our minds.
I read recently few articles in which the authors included two few lines of their own lyrics to soften the reading materials. I thoroughly enjoyed this “hybrid writings” because they relaxed me without moving me away from what I was reading.
In conclusion I say writers should diversify their writing to cover few topics. They get different readers, different feedback, the authors do not lose interest writing on same topics and alert their minds to see the whole picture and not part of it.
Here I applaud what BIZCATALYST 360° does to categorize posts makes it easy to read topic of your taste that you are unfamiliar with. This is important so that either you or your readers do not get caught in the familiarity trap.
How can you effectively support people at work and in your community, especially when they’re different from you? Inclusion strategist Amber Cabral shares three steps you can take to build connection — emphasizing that even small, everyday actions can make a big difference to those around you.
Julia Minson, Harvard Kennedy School
Your 18-year-old daughter announces she’s in love, dropping out of college and moving to Argentina. Your yoga-teaching brother refuses to get vaccinated for COVID-19 and is confident that fresh air is the best medicine. Your boss is hiring another white man for a leadership team already made up entirely of white men.
At home, at work and in civic spaces, it’s not uncommon to have conversations that make you question the intelligence and benevolence of your fellow human beings.
A natural reaction is to put forth the strongest argument for your own – clearly superior – perspective in the hope that logic and evidence will win the day. When that argument fails to have the intended persuasive impact, people often grow frustrated, and disagreement becomes conflict.
Thankfully, recent research offers a different approach.
For many years, psychologists have touted the benefits of making parties in conflict feel heard. Making someone you’re arguing with feel that you’re listening can calm the troubled waters, allowing both parties to get safely to the opposite shore. Two problems can get in the way, though.
First, when encountering disagreement, most people jump into “persuasion mode,” which doesn’t leave much room for listening, or even for pursuing other goals for the interaction. Any conversation could be an opportunity to learn something new, build a relationship that might bear fruit later, or simply have an interesting experience. But most of those goals get forgotten when the urge to persuade sets in. Second, and just as important, is that even when people do wish to make their counterparts feel heard they don’t know how to do so.
I lead a team of psychologists, negotiation scholars and computational linguists who have spent years studying ways that parties in conflict can behave to make their counterpart feel they are thoughtfully engaging with their perspective.
Rather than trying to change how you think of or feel about your counterpart, our work suggests that you should focus on changing your own behavior. Focusing on behavior rather than thoughts and feelings has two benefits: You know when you are doing it right, and so does your counterpart. And one of the easiest behaviors to change is the words that you say.
A conversational toolbox, based on what worksWe used the tools of computational linguistics to analyze thousands of interactions between people who disagree with each other on hot-button social and political issues: police brutality, campus sexual assault, affirmative action and COVID-19 vaccines. Based on these analyses, we developed an algorithm that picks out specific words and phrases that make people in conflict feel that their counterpart is thoughtfully engaging with their perspective.
These words and phrases comprise a communication style we call “conversational receptiveness.” People who use conversational receptiveness in their interactions are rated more positively by their conflict counterparts on a variety of traits.
Then we experimented with training people to use the words and phrases that have the most impact, even if they’re not naturally inclined to do so. For example, in one of our earlier studies, we had people who held different positions about the Black Lives Matter movement talk to each other.
Those who received a brief conversational receptiveness training were seen as more desirable teammates and advisers by their counterpart. Training also turned out to make people more persuasive in their arguments than those who did not learn about conversational receptiveness.
We encapsulate this conversational style in the simple acronym H.E.A.R.:
- H = Hedge your claims, even when you feel very certain about your beliefs. It signals a recognition that there are some cases or some people who might support your opponent’s perspective.
- E = Emphasize agreement. Find some common ground even when you disagree on a particular topic. This does not mean compromising or changing your mind, but rather recognizing that most people in the world can find some broad ideas or values to agree on.
- A = Acknowledge the opposing perspective. Rather than jumping in to your own argument, devote a few seconds to restating the other person’s position to demonstrate that you did indeed hear and understand it.
- R = Reframing to the positive. Avoid negative and contradictory words, such as “no,” “won’t” or “do not.” At the same time, increase your use of positive words to change the tone of the conversation.
Measuring benefits of the tools in practiceIn a recent set of studies, my colleagues and I recruited people who were supportive of or hesitant about getting COVID-19 vaccinations. We paired vaccine-supportive participants with the vaccine hesitant and instructed them to persuade their partner to get the shot. Before the interaction, we randomly assigned the vaccine supporters to receive brief instructions in conversational receptiveness or guidance simply to use the best arguments they could think of.
We found that participants who received a couple minutes of instruction in conversational receptiveness were seen as more trustworthy and more reasonable by their counterparts. Their counterparts were also more willing to talk to them about other topics.
In a subsequent study, we explained the concept of conversational receptiveness to participants on both sides of the issue. Just knowing that they’d be engaging with someone trained in this technique made both parties report being 50% more willing to have a vaccine conversation. People felt more confident their discussion partner would hear them and less worried they’d be a dismissive jerk.
Dialing down the acrimonyThis approach might be especially beneficial in conversations in which one party is highly motivated to engage while the other is less so. When such conversations turn contentious, the less motivated person can simply walk away.
That’s an all-too-familiar experience for parents of teenagers who seem to have advanced degrees in ignoring unwelcome advice. Health care providers often face a similar challenge when they try to persuade patients to change behaviors they do not wish to change. In the workplace, this burden is most acutely felt by people lower in the hierarchy trying to have their views heard by higher-ups who just don’t have to listen.
Conversational receptiveness is effective because it makes the interaction less confrontational and therefore less unpleasant. At the same time, it allows both parties to express their perspective. As a result, it gives people some confidence that if they approach a topic of disagreement, their partner will stay in the conversation, and the relationship will not sustain damage.
In recent years, many scholars across the social sciences have expressed concern about Americans’ seeming inability to talk to their political opponents.
Yet the skills that are necessary for Democrats and Republicans to engage with one another are similarly lacking in our families and in our workplaces.
Our work on conversational receptiveness builds on extensive prior research on the benefits of showing engagement with opposing perspectives. By focusing on language that can be easily learned and precisely measured, we offer people a broadly applicable toolkit to live up to their best conversational intentions.
Julia Minson, Associate Professor of Public Policy, Harvard Kennedy School
This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.
Michelle Devereaux, Kennesaw State University and Chris C. Palmer, Kennesaw State University
Pop culture abounds with examples of very fast talkers. There’s the Judy Grimes character played by Kristen Wiig on “Saturday Night Live,” or that guy from the 1980s who did commercials for Micro Machines and FedEx. Of course, there are also extremely slow talkers, like the sloth in “Zootopia” and the cartoon basset hound Droopy.
Real-life fast talkers are staples in some professions. Auctioneers and sportscasters are known for their rapid delivery, though the slower commentary in golf shows there is a range for different sports.
As professors of English who study linguistic variations, we know that how fast a person speaks is a complicated phenomenon. It depends on a range of factors, including the types of words used, the language spoken, regional differences, social variables and professional needs.
Different countries, different speedsSpeech rate refers to the speed at which a speaker verbalizes “connected discourse” – essentially anything more than a sentence. It is measured by counting segments of sound and the pauses in a specific time frame. Typically, these segments are counted as syllables. Remember clapping syllables in elementary school? SYL-LA-BLES.
Linguists have discovered that humans vary their speech rate within sentences across all languages. For example, most people slow their speech down before saying nouns. Researchers have also found that languages have different speech rates when speakers read aloud. French, Spanish and Japanese were shown to have high average speech rates – with close to eight syllables spoken per second. German, Vietnamese and Mandarin exhibited slower rates – with about five syllables per second. English was in the middle, with an average rate of 6.19 syllables per second.
There is also global variation within the dialects of a language. In English, for example, one study found that New Zealanders spoke the fastest, followed by British English speakers, then Americans and finally Australians.
Stereotypes don’t hold upMany people have expectations and assumptions about different speech rates within English dialects. For example, there’s the often-observed “drawl” of those living in the U.S. South. The term drawl denotes a slower, drawn-out speaking pace. And, indeed, some research supports this perception. One study found that participants in western North Carolina spoke more slowly than participants in Wisconsin.
Other research has demonstrated that some Southerners may speak more slowly only in certain contexts – for example, they may pause more often when reading aloud. And certain elongated vowels in southern American dialects can also slow down the speech rate. This can be heard in the pronunciation of “nice” as something like “nahhce.”
Some people assume that all Southerners are slow talkers who exhibit these features. This is perhaps due, at least in part, to the perpetuation of stereotypes and caricatures in popular media, such as Cletus, the stereotyped hillbilly from “The Simpsons.”
But it’s important to recognize that language also varies within regions, including the U.S. South. For example, a study involving North Carolinians found that speakers in western and central North Carolina spoke more slowly than those in the state’s eastern and southern parts. And some North Carolinians spoke about as fast as Ohioans – suggesting the stereotype of the slow-talking Southerner doesn’t always hold up.
Age, gender and other variablesSex and gender may also influence speech rates, although results have been conflicting here, too. Some research shows that men speak faster than women, while other studies find no significant difference in speech rate between genders.
The demographic variable that seems to have the most significant and consistent impact is age. We speak slowly when we are children, speed up in adolescence and speak our fastest in our 40s. Then we slow down again as we reach our 50s and 60s.
While geography, gender and age may affect speech rates in certain cases, context plays a role as well. For example, certain professions use oral formulaic traditions, meaning there’s a framework script when performing those jobs. An average person can speak about as fast as an auctioneer – 5.3 syllables per second – when saying something they’ve said many times before.
However, auctioneers use certain patterns of speech that make it seem like they speak incredibly quickly. They have few pauses in speech and repeat the same words frequently. They also use unfamiliar phrasings and rhythms, which makes listeners have to process what was said long after the auctioneer has moved on to the next topic. And auctioneers have a constant rate of articulation – meaning they rarely stop talking.
While recognizing differences in speech rates can help people to better understand linguistic, cultural and professional identities, it also has technological and other applications. Think of how computer scientists must program Alexa and Siri to both produce and recognize speech at different rates. Speaking more slowly can also improve listening comprehension for beginner and intermediate language learners.
Perhaps the most valuable takeaway when considering speech rate variation is the fact that linguistic perceptions don’t always match up with reality. This is a perspective we often emphasize in our own work because linguistic stereotypes can lead to assumptions about a person’s background.
Recent studies of perceptions of U.S. dialects confirm that, despite variation in speech rates within regions, people persist in labeling large regions of the South as “slow” and the North and Midwest as “fast.” Moreover, these evaluations are also typically associated with negative stereotypes. Slow talkers are often assumed to be less intelligent or competent than fast talkers, while very fast talkers can be seen as less truthful or kindhearted.
There is no inherent connection between the rate of speech and levels of intelligence, truthfulness or kindness. Language use differs for all sorts of reasons, and differences are not deficiencies.
Michelle Devereaux, Professor of English and English Education, Kennesaw State University and Chris C. Palmer, Professor of English, Kennesaw State University
This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.
If you’re like many people, then your knowledge is limited to the nightly news. While I enjoy watching NBC’s Nightly News I’ve come to understand it’s limits.
First, NBC is owned by Comcast, ABC is owned by Disney and CBS is owned by Paramount Global. The stockholders of these firms bought stock because they expect to profit from their investment. As a result, stories are created to attract and maintain your interest so you’re still watching when the commercials come on.
Second, Fear is a large part of many news stories. Author and entrepreneur, James Altucher, in his book, I Was Blind But Now I See, suggests that, the best thing you can do is avoid all news. Altucher has worked for over a dozen media companies, written for newspapers, TV shows and been a pundit on TV shows.
He told how he was backstage at a news show when the producer told him:
Don’t fool yourself – all of this is just filler in between advertisements.
Altucher shared this story,
Every week, a newsroom gets all of their best reporters and editors together on a Monday morning. Then the top guy says,“Ok, what have you got?” And the reporters have to respond with items that are designed to induce more and more terror. When the top guy thinks the terror is sufficient to beat out the competition, he says, “Ok, let’s go with it.”(I)
It’s easy to see what Altucher is talking about when you read headlines like these:
How many jobs will AI replace by 2030?
Will your kids join the thousands who die from fentanyl every year?
Is your daughter joining ISIS?
Third, time is another issue. Since news shows are limited in the time they can devote to any story, we’re frequently given sound bites that grab our attention but do little to explain what really happened. The Great Recession generated a lot of headlines, but it wasn’t until I read former Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner’s book, Stress Test, that I fully understood what happened.
Personal Note: Da Vinci said, “The noblest pleasure is the joy of understanding,” and I’m right there with him. I’m what you’d call a Current Events / History Nerd. I’ve always sought the full story. I’ve always sought to understand complex issues.
(I) Altucher, James. I Was Blind But Now I See. New York: CreateSpace. 2011. p. 35
Google News is the Infinite Library of Alexandria made accessible to all. Its power to inform and enlighten is beyond measure.
~Unknown
Author/Editor Note: This Article was inspired by the fact that our award-winning site is now syndicated via Google News, substantially amplifying the visibility of our 1100+ Featured Contributors, while extending our reach across 130 countries. FOLLOW US HERE
The Library of Alexandria was an ancient universal library and one of the largest repositories of knowledge in the ancient world. It was located in Alexandria, Egypt, and flourished in the 3rd century BC under the Ptolemaic dynasty. Google News, on the other hand, is a modern online news aggregator service operated by Google that collects content from thousands of sources across the globe. Both “libraries” are considered vast repositories of information in their own right.
The Google News RepositoryLaunched back in 2002, Google News is a free aggregator service that continuously scours the web to bring you the latest content from over 25,000 publications worldwide. At its core, it uses clustering algorithms to group related content together from multiple sources into tidy story bundles. Every month, Google directs users to content sites 24 billion times, providing an opportunity for publishers to grow their audiences and users more efficiently gather insight. That panoramic breadth of coverage is one of Google News’ greatest assets. The platform draws from publications in over 30 languages across the globe, giving users an incredibly diverse array of local, national, and international sources. Using customizable search filters, users can narrow their feed by topic, location, source, and other criteria to focus on just the content most relevant to them.
On BalanceGoogle News is a convenient news aggregator that provides a comprehensive collection of stories from thousands of sources in one place, with personalization features and a clean interface. However, it faces criticism for its opaque algorithms that may prioritize mainstream outlets over smaller voices, its lack of human editorial curation which can impact quality control, and its potential to create filter bubbles and information overload by automating content based on user interests. While praised for its breadth and real-time updates, Google News also prompts debate around transparency, media bias, the de-emphasis of local journalism, and the role of algorithms in controlling content consumption. On balance, the best approach may be to simply use it in moderation alongside other curated sources.
Cutting Through The ClutterFor those adrift in an endless stream of content and desperate for a comprehensive anchor, Google News might be the life preserver to stay afloat and informed. With its potent aggregation technology and wealth of customization tools, the day’s most vital content from every corner of the globe is just a click away. And that now includes essays across the life, culture, and business spectrum authored by the (our) “best writers on the planet.”
For the better part of the last decade, I have been on LinkedIn where I would average close to 3500 views for many of the posts I did. Several of them went viral, A lot of them were blog posts in which I attempted to educate new business owners on the ins and outs of effective communication. I published more than 300 blog posts when they gave a shit about that stuff. And I commented a great deal on the posts I both agreed and disagreed with.
You could say I was a pretty good member. I can only recall getting three warnings, but there were probably a few more since I am vehemently anti-idiocy.
Over the years I had built up a modest following of about 3500 souls.
Then one day, about a week ago now I found myself locked out of the site. The way to get back in was to go through what turned out to be a constantly repetitious set of functions that took me absolutely nowhere.
The only reason I have any presence on that site at the moment is because my posts are being published by my friends at BizCatalyst 360°. I hope they will publish this one because perhaps it will get through to someone at LinkedIn who can, at the very least, explain to me why this is happening.
LinkedIn, as many of us know, is primarily a recruitment site. But it’s also a site where a lot of business issues and political issues are discussed. And of course, they are, especially in America, where LinkedIn’s largest audience resides, pretty much intertwined.
As a Canadian who pays a lot of attention to US politics, I like to think that my point of view, if nothing else is semi-objective. If I were an American I would probably be a Democrat as opposed to a Republican, because in Canada I am pretty much a Liberal, mainly because the Conservative party in our country hasn’t had any solid leadership for decades.
The weird thing is that LinkedIn only tells you that you are in trouble and never bothers to explain why that is so you can course correct.
If I am in trouble for something I did, and they explained that to me, I would definitely stop doing whatever that was because A) I am not an idiot and b) I am a professional writer and it’s a relatively easy thing for me to do.
During the course of trying to get back on LinkedIn I reached out to a LinkedIn friend with whom I am also connected on Facebook, and he, in turn, reached to LinkedIn out on my behalf.
Lo and behold, the response he got was something that sent me to the same link I get every time I try and open LinkedIn myself. And round and round it went.
Sometimes I get the feeling that the lights are on there, but nobody’s home.
So for the past week, I have been in the process of learning to live without it. And you know what, life is not so bad. I belong to several other sites and it seems, at least at the moment, that the longer I live without access to LinkedIn, the less I miss it. The only thing I do miss about it is a small discussion group that I belonged to that consisted of four very bright people that I have gotten to know.
I can keep up to speed on a lot of the stuff that interests me, especially the wild west show that AI has turned into and the US political circus through several emails I receive regularly.
Plus, in a couple of weeks, my pool will be open and I can start meditating on a new series of short stories that I will write at the end of the summer season.
Who knows, maybe LinkedIn has actually done me a favour by locking me out the way they have. Hopefully, I will still have a presence there through my published BizCatalyst 360° posts. I’ll try to make them as useful as I can, because what’s the point of having more than fifty years of experience in the high end of any business, without being able to share your insights.
So to quote, the master, Bob Dylan, which I often do.
“Time will tell
Just who has fell
And who’s been left behind
When you go your way
And I go mine”
There are about 7,000 languages spoken around the world — and they all have different sounds, vocabularies and structures. But do they shape the way we think? Cognitive scientist Lera Boroditsky shares examples of language — from an Aboriginal community in Australia that uses cardinal directions instead of left and right to the multiple words for blue in Russian — that suggest the answer is a resounding yes. “The beauty of linguistic diversity is that it reveals to us just how ingenious and how flexible the human mind is,” Boroditsky says. “Human minds have invented not one cognitive universe, but 7,000.”
Have you ever felt like you’re talking, but nobody is listening? Here’s Julian Treasure to help. In this useful talk, the sound expert demonstrates the how-to’s of powerful speaking — from some handy vocal exercises to tips on how to speak with empathy. A talk that might help the world sound more beautiful.
One of the key things I have learned from talking to both clients and people in the communications business over the years is that they believed that the hardest thing to do was to develop a methodology or personal business philosophy to help guide them on the long and winding road.
A lot of these people tend to run mainly on inspiration. But the fact of the matter is that there needs to be much more than that if you are going to be a truly effective communicator.
And I’m not just talking about ‘creative’ people. This applies right across the board. Because communication really is all encompassing, and good communication is all important.
What follows here is a list of ‘rules’ I carry around in my head, kind of like a GPS system, that have guided me through the process of my independent career.
Some of these ‘criteria’, also help us make sure that, if nothing else, the strategic-to-the-creative will be in synch all along the line and be well received by whoever the communication is designed to reach.
- Every client, no matter how big or how small, deserves your best effort 100% of the time.
- Advising clients to put all their eggs in one basket is dangerous. We have all have seen baskets come and baskets go. And we have seen baskets shrink and baskets grow. It’s never about one basket, but the right combination of baskets and how many eggs you put in each.
- Always look for and pursue clients who are truly committed to making the world a better place. This is always a more gratifying environment in which to work, especially if their commitment to their goals is driven by more that just profit motive.
- Understand that consumers, still go through the same thought processes they always have when it comes to making purchasing decisions, be they for themselves or for their businesses. They simply want to be told the truth in a persuasive way,
- Always work to make your client’s businesses look and feel appealing without resorting to hyperbole, exaggeration or any other form of aggrandizement that would artificially inflate the importance of that business at the expense of the importance of the customer.
- In order to do the best job possible, always learn how your client’s business works, from the perspectives of: product or service, sales, marketing, competition and target audiences.
- Understand that clients seek help because they can often feel they are too close to their business to be objective about their communications, so it’s up to you to provide objectivity and perspective.
- A solid understanding of the entire marketplace your client operates in is the only way to figure out where your client’s business fits and how to position them accurately.
- Know that with smart thinking, solid positioning and honest communication, you can keep your clients in the preferred 20% of their market, and out of the 80% of less than successful businesses.
- Never forget, no matter what, that developing great communication is a much simpler process than a lot of people would have you believe it is.
As you can see these ‘Commandments’ cover a fairly wide range of activity. But this is necessary simply because communication is a multi-faceted area of any company’s business.
In today’s world, an understanding that in order to survive and thrive in a highly competitive marketplace every business needs to be able to communicate effectively. Either internally or with the help of objective and professional allies, who will always have their best interest at heart.
At work we have all kinds of people. Some are extroverts and others are introverts. Some people love to socialise to their fullest and others stay reserved, uninviting and minding their own businesses. The extroverts, sometimes, really talk endlessly. We might think of those colleagues who hardly talk as unsocial but they may be doing it by design and in many situations, they are wise enough. They are also extremely good at observing what goes around them. The real game is what they need to disclose with colleagues @work and what to keep it to themselves. In fact, it’s a subtle art to maintaining our mystique at work.
Successful people know this very well — there are certain things, outside of work life, that we just don’t need to disclose it anyone at work. It’s not about being sensitive to information sharing and being secretive at the same time, rather, it’s about being strategic. Revealing too much can sometimes lead to unnecessary judgments or biases. But keeping certain things to ourselves can keep us on our path to success.
Let’s explore how these successful colleagues operate in their private and professional. What they disclose publicly and what keep under wraps.
- Personal strugglesWorkplaces are often seen as professional environments, and successful people understand this very well. They know that their personal life, particularly any struggles or issues they might be dealing with, are usually best kept separate from their work life. This may include some family disputes, other issues i.e. health issues within the family etc. This isn’t about creating a false facade or pretending everything is perfect.
Rather, it’s about maintaining a professional image and ensuring that personal issues don’t distract from work related projects and assignments. This category of colleagues tend not to air their personal issues in the workplace. They also don’t add or invite office colleagues to their personal social media platforms. Needless to say that we all have our own life struggles. But successful people know that the workplace is not always the best place to discuss them.
- Future Career AspirationsThese wise people also understand the importance of commitment and dedication to their current job roles. While it’s completely normal its their right to have long-term career goals or aspirations outside of the company if they cannot make it within the organisation for obvious reasons, voicing these openly at work may send the wrong messages for no reason.
Talking about plans to leave for other opportunities can create doubt in our dedication to the current job roles. It could impact our relationships with our current colleagues and bosses and even affect our progress within the company. While it’s crucial to have career goals and ambitions, successful people usually keep these future plans close to their chest until they’re ready to make their next move.
- Self-doubtWe all grapple with self-doubt at times, even those who seem the most confident. I remember early in my career, I would often question my abilities and wonder if I was truly capable of succeeding in my role. Successful people are no strangers to this feeling. However, they tend not to reveal these insecurities at work. They understand that self-doubt can be perceived as lack of confidence or competence, which can impact their professional reputation.
This doesn’t really mean that one starts talking about it publicly or to the “trusted colleagues”. Instead, they work on overcoming these doubts on their own, focusing on not self-sabotaging their careers and craving for growth. They know that everyone has areas to improve on and they strive to turn their insecurities into motivation to perform better.
- Past FailuresAs Michael Jordanvery rightly said: “I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying”. Failure is a part of life and often a stepping stone to success. But successful people know when and where to discuss these failures. While it’s important to acknowledge where we go wrong and learn from them, dwelling on past failures at the workplace can create a negative impression. It can lead others to question our very existence at that organisation.
Successful professionals tend not to reveal their past failures at work, unless it’s relevant to a learning experience or a particular discussion. They focus on their achievements and future goals, using past setbacks as lessons they’ve already learnt, not as defining factors of their professional identity.
- Political leanings / affiliationsThis one is highly important. I’ve seen a few colleagues losing their jobs and their sufferings due to making such an information public in one way or the other. Research suggests that political discussions at work can lead to decreased productivity, poorer work quality, and increased hostility. Successful people understand the potential pitfalls of discussing politics @workplace. While it’s natural to have political views, voicing them in a professional environment can lead to unnecessary conflicts.
Keeping political leanings to ourselves help maintain a harmonious working environment with colleagues of all backgrounds and beliefs. It’s all about focusing on what unites us in the workplace — our shared goals and tasks — rather than what might divide us.
Final ThoughtsLet’s remember that acting maturely at the workplace is all about creating and maintaining a ‘Fineline’.The road to success is often paved with caution, care and wisdom, and part of that strategy is knowing what to keep under wraps. The art of maintaining professional boundaries is a skill successful people have mastered. Recognizing that some aspects of life are best kept out of the workplace isn’t about creating a persona or hiding who they truly are. It’s about understanding the dynamics of a professional environment and fostering a productive and harmonious workspace.
Whether it’s personal struggles, political leanings, or health concerns, the decision to keep these matters private can significantly impact how others perceive us in our professional lives. Navigating these boundaries might not always be easy, but it’s an essential part of the journey towards success. And as we’ve seen from those who’ve walked this path before us, it’s a journey well worth taking.
Have you ever caught yourself making a snap judgment about someone based on their clothing, accent, or even the music they listen to? We all have. Prejudice, aggression, and violence – these dark aspects of human behaviour seem ingrained in our nature. But what if they’re not inevitable? Let’s delve into the fascinating science behind these behaviours and explore ways to cultivate a more peaceful world.
Our brains are wired for efficiency. We categorize everything, including people. This “in-group, out-group” mentality served our ancestors well, uniting them against threats. However, in today’s diverse world, it can fuel prejudice. A 2022 study in Nature Human Behaviour found that the brain activates the reward centre more when people from our in-group succeed, but punishes betrayal from that same group even more harshly. We crave belonging, and negativity towards outsiders strengthens our internal bonds.
Economic hardship and social anxieties can be a breeding ground for prejudice. A 2021 study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science revealed that people experiencing financial strain were more likely to hold negative attitudes towards immigrants. Fear of losing jobs or resources can make us see outsiders as a threat. Moreover, injustice breeds negative behaviour towards others. Though it can be justified yet it’s always advisable to take the high road. What’s the difference between someone who does wrong and someone who responded back the same way.
A constant stream of “us vs. them” narratives in news and social media can exacerbate these biases. Confirmation bias, our tendency to seek out information that confirms our existing beliefs, gets amplified in echo chambers online. This can lead to stereotyping and demonizing entire groups of people. People are different and will hold different opinions. It is not our job to diminish their identity or to develop a superiority complex. The person who downgrades others consistently reveals his/her insecurities. A confident person will always welcome diverse viewpoints.
From Jerk to Jewel!The good news is, our brains are also incredibly adaptable. We can combat these negative tendencies by Challenging stereotypes. When you find yourself making assumptions, question them. Actively seek out experiences that broaden your perspective. Reflect on why you get triggered by a specific person or situation. Acknowledge your own mistakes or improper behaviour. Stop playing the blame game. Be accountable and responsible.
Put yourself in someone else’s shoes. Read diverse stories, watch documentaries, and have conversations with people from different backgrounds. Acknowledge the fact that we all are different individuals, with our own unique strengths and weaknesses.
It is not always just about you or a single individual or organization. The world does not revolve around you. So, stop glorifying yourself and be humble. What you are blessed with today can be taken away from you tomorrow in the blink of a moment. So, there is nothing to feel so arrogant about. We never know what people are going through in their real lives, so it is always best to be kind.
Working or socializing with people from different groups can break down stereotypes and foster understanding. Communication is a powerful tool, provided you know how to use it. In this digital age, there is no excuse to not communicate properly. It is all about your willingness to invest in that relationship whether personal or professional. When people from different backgrounds open up we realize what was hidden and where we were blinded by prejudice, biases, and even arrogance. A person who struggles in life is far more stronger than one who gets everything easily.
Embrace The Power of “We”. By recognizing our shared humanity, we can build a more inclusive world.
Social psychologist Gordon Allport believed that intergroup contact is key to reducing prejudice. Schools and communities can play a crucial role in creating opportunities for positive interaction. When the foundation is strong, the structure is strong. True strength lies not in crushing dissent, but in the civility with which we engage it. A single act of civility can spark a ripple effect, weaving a tapestry of respect through the roughest of divides.
Prejudice, aggression, and violence may have roots in our evolutionary past, but they are not our destiny. By understanding the forces that shape our biases and actively promoting empathy and understanding, we can cultivate a world where “us” encompasses everyone. Civility is the bridge we build, not to surrender our ground, but to reach common ground.
Cracking the Code of Rudeness!Let’s take the example of why people troll: The Neuroscience Behind Online Nastiness. The anonymity of the internet seems to unleash a beast in some of us. Trolls spew vitriol, conspiracy theories run rampant, and civility takes a nosedive. Why are we so much meaner online than in person? It turns out, our dark side has a fascinating dance with technology, and the answer lies in the murky depths of our brains.
One culprit is the lack of social cues. Studies using eye-tracking technology show we focus less on emotional expressions online, hindering empathy. This disconnect from the human cost of our words emboldens us to be crueler.
Dopamine, the brain’s reward chemical, also plays a role. Upvotes, likes, and the notoriety of getting a rise out of others can trigger dopamine spikes, making negativity strangely addictive. Think of it as getting a twisted pat on the back for bad behaviour.
Social media algorithms can exacerbate the problem. They prioritize engagement, meaning inflammatory content often gets the most traction, creating echo chambers that reinforce negativity. It’s like being stuck in a room where everyone yells the loudest.
But there’s a silver lining. Research by Stanford University suggests virtual reality experiences that foster empathy can actually reduce prejudice. Imagine confronting your online persona head-on – a sobering thought!
Additionally, platforms that require real-name verification or gamify positive interactions could nudge users towards more constructive behaviour. Think of online badges for kindness or “cool down” periods before posting.
The internet is a powerful tool, and just like fire, it can be used for good or ill. Understanding the dark psychology behind online nastiness is the first step towards taming it. By harnessing technology’s potential to foster empathy and build better online communities, we can turn the tide of digital incivility and create a more humane virtual world.
On Monday, April 8th, we’ll conduct Byline 360˚ as you’ve come to know and love it. Then we’re going to make a change. Starting Monday, May 13th, 2024, we’ll begin meeting twice a month, at 3:00 p.m. Eastern time, for three months. But this time, Byline 360˚ will be an actual workshop, with actual work to be done between sessions.
In short, we’ll talk, draft, share and discuss our drafts, then revise and refine them. Over our six sessions, we’ll figure out why we do the things we do when we write, which of those things we might do better, and which of those things define tone, style, and voice. We’ll take stock of what we’ve done and determine next steps as we go. (Inflexibility doesn’t play nice with creativity.)
The New Ground Rules
The new rules are simple but definitive:
- You must register by Monday, May 6th.
- Participation will be limited to the first 10 people who register. (The workshop may be repeated if there’s sufficient interest.)
- Since we want you to be invested in the workshop, attendance is mandatory for the first two sessions.
You’ll find a full description of the workshop, the complete ground rules, and a full schedule here.
If you have any questions, please email me at mark@obriencg.com. And please remember Rule #1: If we’re not having fun, we’re doing it wrong.
Thank you for your interest in Byline 360˚.
REGISTER FREE HERE
This article was brought to you by my dog. Not literally, though; between his many naps, belly rubs, and observing nature, Norman has a packed schedule. But he’s taught me a thing or two in the past few years, and this week is no different.
I’ve been surrounded by animals as long as I can remember. There were Bonnie and Clyde (dogs), Timothy (rabbit), Peanut and Oreo (hamsters), Samantha the cat, and too many horses to count; a few of them ours. Toby, Lucky, Eli, Dixee, Emma… animals have been teaching me all my life. By sitting and observing, I know the best places to put my feet or if there’s a big storm coming. By looking at how much hair the dogs or horses lost, I could tell if the springtime weather would push to summer sooner than the meteorologists predicted. Animals are the best mirrors, better than any other piece of glass. Their energy affects ours, and vice versa.
Back to Norman the dog: during the last big windstorm, a tired old tree had come down in our neighborhood. We walked past it, he sat down, looking off into the distance. We went up the hill, came back down, and BOOM. That tree took his full attention. I looked; there were no squirrels, birds, or (God forbid) deer or rabbits. But his perspective had changed.
This is the same reason why any horse person will ride both ways before doing any scheduled shenanigans. Their perspectives change with each direction. The context in which they see and make sense of the world changes… and it’s not just horses. As humans, we have dominant and non-dominant sides. (If you don’t believe me, try a yoga class.) Both ways of going and of being are different… not drastically, and you have to be pretty darn present to notice. The differences exist, regardless of your awareness.
What does this have to do with language? Simply put, everything.“Culture” is something that is found in probiotics and humans everywhere. It’s why we do what we do; why we say what we say (in the way that we say it); it gives us values and songs and pieces of words and feelings to hold on to. This is why history is so dang important in learning anything – the size of a standard American railroad; the reasons why El Salvador is one of the most religious countries; why the Erasmus (now Erasmus +) program is called “Erasmus”.
When we learn the history of a certain person, place, or event, we learn the context in which it was created. This context is key. It’s why two trips just a few blocks apart to the Holocaust Museum and the National Air and Space Museum in Washington, DC have chillingly different vibes. As we learn this historical context, perspective is created.
Perspective and context are key in language, and therefore, in communicating and living in our world.
We create things based on our perspective; a perspective that can changed, altered, or otherwise affected by outside events, but one that is solely ours to own, manage, and maintain.
While perspective has historical socio-economic and educational bases, context is more of a current phenomenon. In this current situation, what is going on? Is your brain primed to be more cautious on the New York City subway because you know that there have been more violent episodes? If I tell you I’m planning a trip to Iceland, what will your response be – “Congratulations!” or “Why?” – because you know about the recent volcanic eruption?
Ironically, it was the same animal who runs in his sleep and chases plush squirrels to bring this to my attention. In our society, data rules everything. And with more information comes more division. We’ve taken on an “us” versus “them” approach more and more; from the cars we drive to the thought leaders we follow to the political decisions we push for.
Yet as humans, we have more in common than we have differences… theoretically. To make that theory a reality, our personal fortresses need to lower the moats on both our context and perspectives. Some of this is passive: tell me more about what you learned, about what you think, about what you believe. Others will take a more active approach and put themselves in another’s perspective.
It can be as simple as crouching down and seeing what your dog sees (personally, I think Norman has either the worst or the best vision out there, because I never sense what he does). But it’s not just the physical space. An active approach can also include learning about the history, the socioeconomic implications, the perspective in which that person’s books were written from. It can include surrounding yourself with different contexts, so you have a kaleidoscope of reference points.
Take it from the best guides I know: we can all get along with each other, if we share some context and perspective.
“How can you say what you mean without being mean?” asks CEO coach and author Kim Scott. Delving into the delicate balance between caring and challenging when leading in the workplace, she introduces “radical candor” as a way to give constructive criticism, compassionately.
Every challenge presents an opportunity to inject meaning into my life.
— Shirzad Chamine
If you are interested in personal growth, self-improvement, and mental fitness, you might have heard about the Positive Intelligence program by Shirzad Chamine already. You might have even taken the program. As a Positive Intelligence Coach, I see its – as one of them recently said – life-altering impacts on many of my clients with much awe and admiration.
But if you are unfamiliar with it, here’s a little introduction. This operating system focuses on strengthening the Sage muscles of your brain through mental fitness exercises called PQ reps. Additionally, it introduces you to multiple ways of taking control of the Judge – the belittling, harsh, and unforgiving negative voice – we all have in our minds.
It is an exciting journey. And this impactful program comes with many practices that help you move from the overpowered Saboteurs toward the calm, laser-focused, and empowering Sage mindset, my favorite being the “Yes… And …” game.
And because innovation requires patience, acceptance, and a positive attitude, I find this method useful for anyone and any organization that understands the importance of promoting creativity. When you want to be in the innovation mode and lead your team to create and innovate, a great way of doing that is by playing the “Yes… And …” game.
If I were to summarize in one sentence the single most important principle I have learned in the field of interpersonal relations, it would be this: Seek first to understand, then to be understood. This principle is the key to effective interpersonal communication.
— Stephen M. R. Covey
How Does The Game Work?Imagine that you are sitting around a table with your team and having an innovation session. And you will play the “Yes… And …” game. Here’s how it goes;
- First, each team member generates as many ideas as possible without concentrating on the quality or feasibility of the ideas.
- Only after the idea generation phase is over do the team members start evaluating each idea individually.
- The evaluation process does not begin until the generation step is fully complete as initiating it kills creativity when practiced earlier than it should.
- The primary goal is to consider each idea at least 10% right.
- And to refrain from focusing on the 90% that we might see as unuseful.
- Then, building upon the acceptable part of the idea by adding on until it reaches a collectively appreciated 100%.
Team members take the best part of an idea and start speaking on it by saying, “What I like about that idea is…” and mention the 10% that they liked about it. Say, “And… ” then add another idea triggered by that previous one.
What Are The Benefits?Successfully conducting this process requires deep listening to each other rather than trying to come up with the most brilliant idea, which stops the collaboration and brings in judgment and competition.
When you know that even if you come up with a non-practical idea, your contribution will still be appreciated. And at least some of your input will help the team move toward another great idea. You become more creative, fearless, bold, and confident.
You don’t keep to yourself any idea and think you might look or sound illogical. Instead, you feel empowered and liberated as a team member, knowing that anything you come up with might turn into a brilliant idea with the add-ons from other team members.
Remember, in every conflict, both parties are at least 10% right.
So, why not be curious about finding the right part of other people’s creations? Not only at work but everywhere in life.
When you intentionally remove all the emotions attached to your thoughts and replace them with CURIOSITY, the door to a whole new world opens up for you.
– Ipek Williamson
Embark on a journey to conquer the common yet daunting fear of public speaking in this insightful episode of The Mind Takeaway Podcast, recorded in the heart of Poland’s capital, Warsaw. Join us as we delve into the anxieties that shroud the art of oration, from the nervous anticipation to the post-presentation self-critique that can often feel like a hangover from the vulnerability of being exposed to an audience.
Our hosts share their personal battles with the fear of public speaking, revealing how they creatively dodged speaking engagements early in their careers. Despite being comfortable in roles like musicians or DJs, the transition to speaking in front of groups, small or large, presented a unique challenge. But as they peel back the layers of their experiences, we learn that the key to overcoming this fear lies not in avoiding it, but in embracing the discomfort and leaning into vulnerability.
With candid anecdotes, they discuss the transformation from avoidance to anticipation, the strategies they tried (and which ones actually worked), and the realisation that the audience is often more forgiving than we anticipate. Whether it’s the fear before taking the stage or the critical self-reflection that follows, they explore how acceptance and presence can turn public speaking from a source of dread to an opportunity for connection and growth.
This episode is a must-listen for anyone who’s ever felt their voice wobble with nerves or their confidence shaken by the spotlight. Discover how to navigate the fear, build resilience, and perhaps even find joy in the act of sharing your voice with the world. Tune in to this encouraging discussion and remember, as our hosts affirm, no one has ever perished from public speaking – it’s all about taking that first step and allowing yourself to be imperfectly human in front of an audience.
Have you noticed how much we read about listening?
It worries me a little.
The first part that worries me is how much listening is “taught” to be a series of behaviors: clear your space; nodding, making small sounds of recognition; that mimicking body postures makes the other feel seen; where you are to look and not to look; counting to three…
Can you even listen when your mind is so full of to-do lists of how you must behave to signal that you are listening?
Worrying me more is the shaming implicitly happening. If you are not listening well, you should be ashamed – and doesn’t that also mean that we should be ashamed if we are talking? Are we taking up space that is not rightfully ours? Should I feel ashamed for writing this post and taking up yours, the reader’s, time?
I have a friend who talks a lot. He is processing out loud, and in hearing what comes out of his mouth, he reaches new insights. The “knowledge” may have been in his head and heart all the time, but the dots somehow connect better when words are spoken out loud. It can be interesting to follow the meandering road he goes to get there, and it does require patience.
Should he be ashamed that this is how he processes?
Has it ever happened to you that you found the answer to a problem when you had to explain the problem to somebody you invited to help you solve it? They didn’t say a word. But they did help you – they created a wall for you to bounce off your thoughts.
What did you feel when that happened? Sheepish? Grateful? Both? And what did you feel if you were the bouncing wall? Grateful to be trusted? Amused? Exploited – like somebody wasted your time? If it is the first, why are we generally so afraid of asking for this kind of help? Aren’t we depriving others from feeling trusted and useful when not asking?
I have other friends who don’t talk a lot. But every time they open their mouth, it is pure genius coming out. Evidently, they don’t need a bouncing wall.
I am worried that we are putting judgment on how people process their thoughts. That unless our thoughts are so finished that they are “pure genius”, they are not to be uttered. Because otherwise, it means we are speaking in less than straight, rational, and logical lines and eloquent whole sentences and then we are taking up space that is not rightfully ours.
Intelligent people, self-censoring because they are afraid their speaking patterns are not acceptable; that they must come across by a narrow definition of smart or they will be ignored or ridiculed; and that all that matters in the relationship is how eloquently they express their thoughts… The very thought makes me sad – and ashamed for what I might have contributed to making anybody feel that way. (Not much, I hope, as my own thinking is not exactly linear…)
What are we doing when we are actively not listening?
Well, if we are speaking because that is how we process, we are actually listening. It may be that we are listening already up in the pink blubber where the words are formed and transported to the neurons responsible for moving our lips. That could explain how speaking out loud can help even when we don’t have a bouncing wall in the form of another listener. We engage more of our brain when we get the thoughts out – spoken or on paper – and in doing so we allow different synapses to fire than when we just think quietly. Some people process better in longhand than on a keyboard. That, too, may be because they activate more well-connected brain circuits.
For the listeners that are not listening, one explanation may be hiding in this question from Rached Alimi: “How is it that we have enough memory to recall down to the smallest detail what happened to us, and not enough to remember how many times we have told it to the same person?”
Yup! I have been on both sides of this more times than I can count. And I do wonder what is behind the resharing?
The thoughts are along the lines of:
- are we really telling the story to ourselves to affirm our identity in our own mind – the listener is just “a prop” in this show?
- do we need to convince the listener about something?
- do we need to tell a story to make sure that the other person is still there for us although this story is also who we are?
- is it a test of the story or the relationship?
OK, those are probably questions for myself when I am tempted to share a story, not remembering whether it might be a share or a reshare (or a re-reshare if you ask my children.)
The thing with stories we share – particularly the painful ones, the ones we share “to make sure that the other person is still there for us although this story is also who we are” – is that we may need to share them more than once to put in all the details. The first share may be the “clean” version. This happened. And depending on how the listener reacts/responds, it may feel safe enough to share the story again later with a little more detail.
If, as listeners, we don’t listen fully because we think we already know the story, we may not pick up the added details. If the story-teller sense that we are not listening, perhaps they don’t feel safe to add more details. Or as listeners, we may go “Huh? That is not what you said last time you told me about this.” Then what happens? Can we hold space for the new details? Do we feel lied to if the story changes? Do we need an explanation why the story changed? Does our own in-our-heads story about why the story has changed become more important than the storyteller’s story? Does it change how we trust the storyteller in other aspects as well?
Too many questions without easy answers.
But the next time you catch yourself not listening, try to pay attention to where your mind has wandered.
Does what you hear send you down one of your own memory lanes?
Are you judging the speaker for not speaking in a manner you prefer?
Are you bored by their words?
Are you puzzled by their changed words and making up stories about that?
Do you feel defensive?
Are you getting your answers/retorts ready?
…
I have found that, normally, when I care enough about the speaker, they can take all the time they need and repeat themselves if they need and my listening will be in service of them finding their own story.
All I need to do is care enough and the rest follows; the nodding, the body language, the mmming. I don’t have to signal that I am listening when I am.
It is when I don’t care enough, I need the to-do lists.
And that holds a totally different and much harder question to sit with.
Salacious.
Remember the echo of that word?
Yes, no, can’t recall?
Let me nudge your memory.
The nineteen nineties, ancient times.
Still no?
OK, here are some words that help: blue dress, cigar, president, the one whom I voted for twice.
Does it ring a bell? And why am I returning to this issue? The word salacious reverberated from news reporters, bouncing like a boomerang in an empty room. Salacious hitched a ride with the scandal it described, roaring its message worldwide.
With its repetition, the word embedded in my brain forever.
Merriam-Webster began analyzing its word of the year in 2003. If they had started this practice in the nineties, I speculate that salacious would have received the 1998 trophy.
Words, words, words. Powerful, memorable, beautiful, and dangerous beyond words.
Along with other writers, I’m a logophile, continuing to add words to my never-ending vernacular.
Let’s begin with their unsavory usage.
Words can be mean. Sharp, serrated, slicing, and dicing with the edge of a honed knife. The goal? To destroy, extinguish, and blot out forever.
We see this now. Those with their ink, penning venom, and those with a megaphone, spewing toxins coated in intellectual gloss. Certain words target individuals who believe their natural rights come from a creator versus a false human idol. These know-it-alls shout words ending in ism, a suffix derived from the ancient Greeks, making its way to English via Latin, and poisoning the root word, benign as a standalone.
Because of their holier-than-thou view, they puff themselves with determination, not adding the popular suffix to their elite selves. Oh no. Why would they? These individuals know what’s best for the hoi polloi and demand acquiescence, no less, being the true, all-knowing Gods.
Polarizing first with a relentless quest until they accomplish total obsequence. We see this throughout history from the multilingual Lenin, whose coarse delivery pummeled his tidings with straightforward repetition, different from the more eloquent oratory articulated by Mussolini and Hitler. These tyrants, false Gods, cajoled and lured their audience with a rhythmic cadence like the mellifluous Sirens, and unknown to the naïve, an invitation to crash and die from an overarching and obese control. We must never forget Hitler’s destruction, with his National Socialist German Workers’ Party, as some people take a cloth, attempting to wash the words from history. For Holocaust deniers, I’ll borrow compelling title from Scott Peck’s book, People of the Lie, because this mass deception attempts to convince the populace that it didn’t happen.
Words, words, words, their danger, their power, but how about their beauty?
Ah, my favorite part, which I saved for last.
Sumptuous words, so many. They enrapture us, and in the written word, they can dress themselves in the most magnificent fonts when the conduit inks their shapes across the pages. However, even without ornaments, wearing its plainest attire, a word, or several linked into sentences and paragraphs, touches the reader in ways unknown to the scribe.
And the spoken word? The presenter can hypnotize us with their elocution, tone, and expressions.
In times of need, whether voiced or written, one or two words may provide the perfect elixir for those who despair. A piercing note of hope that might imprint in their mind forever, calling upon it, when another obstacle appears in their path.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow’s stunning poem, A Psalm for Life, an ode about the human’s journey, mesmerizes the readers with glorious words. Allegedly, a man approached Longfellow and told him the prose prevented him from committing suicide.
Sometimes, the deliverer never knows their impact on others. Little do they realize their words, spoken or written, convert a frown into a smile, and, maybe, produce a quick sprout and a spreading of joy.
Words. Their potency.
And what might Merriam Webster’s trophy be for 2024? Could the winner be the word joy?
I wish. Unfortunately, because of its overuse, I believe narcissism might receive the crown, which brings the opposite of joy, but if I could vote?
Joy, joy, and joy. A splendid word that fills us with an array of delicious sensations.
May our words climb the highest peak and shout:
Joy to The World!
How’s that for words?
Your thoughts?
Communication disconnects between senior management and employees of a major manufacturer were cited as the cause of several hundred consumer deaths in the last couple years.
Just let that sink in.
It wasn’t a flaw in the product design or the result of inferior materials. Deaths weren’t attributed to technology pushing the envelope of scientific advancement or operator error. People died because of poor communication between management and employees.
Sure, this is an extreme case, but it could happen anywhere. Do you work in a company without communication challenges?
We often pay lip service to the importance of communication within organizations. Volumes have been written on organizational and internal communication. We are living through a shift in human resources that places greater emphasis on soft skills like interpersonal communication and team spirit.
At the senior executive level, you can find millions of hours of content devoted to leadership skills that highlight the importance of communication. There are communication models, tips, and best practices. Hundreds of professionals tour the country talking to thousands of managers about communication style and how to facilitate better communication within their teams.
But the fundamental impact of clear communication really hits home when it is officially and publicly connected to the end of human life.
The Safety CultureTaglines are something we love to use in marketing. We take one ideal aspect of the product or service and elevate it to bring it front-of-mind for consumers. Adding taglines about the safety culture is a great marketing move that will probably help recruit more talent. Everyone wants to work in an environment where management prioritizes worker safety.
But taglines don’t run production lines, and creating safety takes more than just saying so.
For every company that feels the need to tout its safety record, there is an unsafe work environment. The emphasis on safety comes from a need to do better. Enter change management.
Change management is a complex discipline, not to be undertaken by marketers alone. Change has to happen at the operations level before marketing tries to put its lipstick on.
The Chicken or The EggI don’t know what went wrong; I wasn’t there. I can only speculate.
The disconnect is often between the regulatory and moral need to prioritize safety, and the pressing need to meet production schedules. Without a culture of safety, bad things happen. Not meeting the production schedules begins a downward spiral of economies of scale.
Do you want it right, or do you want it fast? The right answer, both, is seldom an option.
The value of communication was clearly underestimated. It’s not just about how you speak to your employees or how they speak to you. It is about how you encourage them, reward them even, to speak up when there is a problem. And then, how do you listen to them?
A new communication model and some meetings about company values are not going to solve the problems for this manufacturer. It would be naive to think otherwise. The incident can serve as an illustration, though, of what could happen when you don’t get the communication right, and a reminder that communication matters.
Whether we’re talking in a team meeting, delivering a talk, or presenting in front of an audience, we all have to speak in public from time to time. We can do this well or we can do this badly, and the outcome strongly affects the way that people think about us. This is why public speaking causes so much anxiety and concern. The good news is that, with thorough preparation and practice, we can overcome nervousness and perform exceptionally well.
Speaking with confidence is a game-changer in whatever we do in our lives. It’s not just about what we say, but how we say it.
Being a persuasive speaker means we can sway people to see things from our perspective, all while maintaining a level of respect and openness.
In my profession as a speaker, I’ve discovered a few tactics that can help people sit up and listen.
Some Speaking SkillsSpeaking skills are those that help people interact with one another and convey messages. In a professional setting, individuals use speaking skills when giving presentations, meeting with internal or external stakeholders, or when asking questions to their seniors. While doing all this, what we need the most are:
- Active listening
- Articulation
- Persuasiveness
- Vocabulary proficiency
- Patience in digesting the information
Why are speaking skills important?Having excellent speaking skills is important for several reasons. Here are some pointers as to how we can benefit from being able to speak effectively in a professional environment:
- Enhances our employability during job interviews
- Increases our chances seek the attention of the people we are talking with
- Helps inspire change and influences business decisions
- Helps us foster positive workplace relationships
- Prevents miscommunication through clarity and language
In this article, we shall be discussing some of the strategies. They’re designed to boost our confidence and transform our communication style. Let’s dive in.
1. Know the Audience
Understanding who we’re speaking to is an absolute must. It shapes our message, our tone, and even our body language. It goes without saying that we will have to deliver messages differently to the board of directors of an organisation vs. a teenage group.
Before we even start crafting your presentation, talk or speech, take some time to understand your audience, i.e.,
- Profile of the audience
- Areas they need help on
- The organisation that has convened the event
The better we know about them, the more we can tailor our talking points to resonate with them. I’ve seen many speakers deliver well-crafted speeches that fall flat simply because they didn’t take their audience into account. Written speeches don’t work for the younger audience. Don’t make that mistake.
2. Embrace the Power of Pause
Speaking with confidence isn’t about how fast one can speak or how many words one can cram into a minute. It’s about pacing, rhythm, and the hidden strength of silence. Pausing can be a powerful tool in our speaking arsenal. It provides a moment of reflection for our listeners, giving them a chance to digest what is just said.
But here’s the tricky part — it’s uncomfortable. Silence makes some people uneasy. We rush to fill it, often stumbling over our words in haste. That’s where practice comes in. Embrace the pause. Use it strategically in the talk to emphasize key points and ideas. It creates suspense, draws attention, and adds drama.
3. Master the Art of Storytelling
Did we know that our brains are wired for stories? Neuroscientists have found that hearing a narrative can actually change the way we think and feel. Storytelling isn’t just for children’s bedtime or blockbuster movies. It’s a powerful tool that can make our speeches, presentations, and talks more engaging, memorable, and persuasive.
When we tell a story, we take our audience on an unseen journey with us. We create an emotional connection and make our message more relatable. AsBryan Eisenbergrightly said:“Facts tell, but stories sell”. Masterthe art of storytelling, and the speakers are on their way to becoming more persuasive and confident.
4. Accept Mistakes
None of us can ever be perfect. We, as human beings, can only seek excellence but perfection is attributed to the divine. While speaking we all stumble over words, forget a point, or lose our train of thought sometimes. It’s part of being human. I remember delivering a keynote speech at a major conference. Halfway through, I completely blanked on a key point I wanted to make. For a moment, I felt my confidence wavering. But then I took a deep breath, smiled, and admitted my momentary lapse to the audience.
To my surprise, they didn’t judge or ridicule me. Instead, they laughed along and appreciated my honesty. That moment taught me an important lesson. It’s okay to make mistakes as long as you handle them with grace and humor. Your audience knows you’re human and they’ll respect you for acknowledging it.
5. Simplicity is the KEY
One of the biggest mistakes speakers make is overcomplicating their message to sound more intellectual. They use jargon, long sentences, and complex ideas that confuse the audience instead of clarifying. The most effective talks are the simplest ones. They’re clear, concise, and easy to understand.
Talks that connect to the audience is that the speaker looks like one of the audience, completely uses his body language, establishes eye contact, and moves around with the audience during the breaks. When preparing the talk, aim for simplicity. Break down complex ideas into easy-to-understand concepts. Use plain language that the audience can easily grasp.
Wrap UpRegardless of the profession we are in, it’s important to understand how to speak in a confident and effective manner. Our ability to be confident when speaking can help us excel in our jobs role and future careers.
Taking the time to consider the above tips can help us speak with confidence, let’s start practicing and improving our speaking skills at work. In this article, we define speaking skills, review why they’re important, provide tips for improving your speaking skills, and discuss how to become more confident when speaking.
As part of my series of interviews about “5 things you need to know to create a very successful podcast,” I had the pleasure of interviewing Steve Ramona. Steve Ramona discovered networking was the real deal at a very young age. He is on a mission to teach the world how to network correctly. His passion for the Law of Increase is his secret sauce. Podcasting now is the new way to network and build an incredible inner circle; the ability to bring value/serving is a skill that will increase your networking!
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would love to get to know you more. Can you tell us a bit of your “personal” backstory? What is your background and what eventually brought you to this career path?
I worked at my family’s health club when I was 18 years old. I learned the power of building relationships and a large network. Once I learned that, I was able to launch a career as an entrepreneur working with a restaurant and an ice cream shop, then running my own business for 7 years. I realized how building business relationships helped me launch all of the projects I started. Now, with the #1 Small Business Marketing Podcast, I use my extensive network to get guests, referrals, and a large audience. I learned the value of serving people before you do anything else. Just last year, I gave out over 1000 referrals, almost 100 a month. This has helped me grow to a point where my income is the highest it has ever reached.
Can you share a story about the most interesting thing that has happened to you since you started podcasting?
Picking one story will be challenging, but I will give you this one. Leigh Steinberg, the sports agent for Patrick Mahomes, and the movie Jerry Maguire was based was a guest on my show. Now, if I did not have a podcast, there would be no way for us to connect. I reached out on LinkedIn and asked him to be on my show. He said “Yes,” and we did a great show. That has led to many other high-profile people like Roy Firestone, who has done 5000 interviews with ESPN and was a great guest.
It has been said that our mistakes can be our greatest teachers. Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?
People ask me all the time how to get started with a Podcast. I learned that it is to start recording content. The more you record, the better you get. My first recording was not sound. When the recording started, I said 3 2 1 record. It was my starting point, which should have been recorded. I never did that again. I left the Podcast up, which still had hundreds of views. People only care about hearing the content.
How long have you been podcasting and how many shows have you aired?
I started my first show on Oct 4th, 2022. I have over 280 shows.
What are the main takeaways, lessons, or messages that you want your listeners to walk away with after listening to your show?
There are three things I want to get across. Was the audience motivated, inspired, and educated? I find if you hit all 3, you have a grand slam. You still have a homerun of one or two show up.
In your opinion what makes your podcast binge-listenable? What do you think makes your podcast unique from the others in your category? What do you think is special about you as a host, your guests, or your content?
My shows are positive stories. People overcome significant obstacles and come back stronger. The paraplegic who climbed a 9000-foot mountain to show you can do anything. Prisoners who changed their lives with God are now doing incredible things and many more. I, as a host, shut up and listen. I learn from my guests. My notepad is usually complete after a show. I care about my guests and what they say. I use my servant’s heart to guide me through my show. How can I bring value to my audience and see my guests stand out?
Doing something on a consistent basis is not easy. Podcasting every workday, or even every week can be monotonous. What would you recommend to others about how to maintain discipline and consistency? What would you recommend to others about how to avoid burnout?
I was doing 3 to 5 shows a day. I LOVE podcasting and learning about people. I also use it for my business. I get to know my guests to get into their network and grow my business. This keeps me really consistent. What I have done over a year and a half, many people have not. With over 280 shows recorded, the percentages show people stop at 50 recordings. Find value in your show like I do. It will keep you recording and enjoying the experience. Building relationships is the lifeblood of any business that wants to stay in business and scale.
What resources do you get your inspiration for materials from?
Referrals are a great resource. People hear my show and send me an email saying, “This person would be a great guest.” I also use LinkedIn as well to learn about people’s stories. Being on other Podcasts gives me a ton of resources as well.
Ok, fantastic. Let’s now shift to the main questions of our discussion. Is there someone in the podcasting world who you think is a great model for how to run a really fantastic podcast? What are the ingredients that make that podcast so successful?
The best ingredients are first Shut Up and listen. You see the host doing this makes for a good show. Having a conversation is always the best model. Think of your show as a table at a coffee shop. I and my guest are sitting at the table, and the guest says something that motivates someone to lean over and say “Tell me more about what you’re talking about.” This is why the audience will reach out to the guest. That are wanting more. You do that, you are modeling an incredible show. Josh Tapp, who is my mentor, has an incredible Podcast called “The Lucky Titan.” He does this with all his guests. Anyone can do this.
Which is why Podcasts can be so special and powerful.
You are a very successful podcaster yourself. Can you share with our readers the five things you need to know to create an extremely successful podcast? (Please share a story or example for each, if you can.) Shut up and listen. I did this with a guest and learned all about them. Gave them value and they gave me the opportunity to partner with him on a billionaire-dollar business. Always ask. Reach out to people and ask them to be on your show. I think I have had 1 person in over a year say no. Asking Roy Firestone, a sports Journalist, to be on my show, with 5000 interviews. He said yes, and my Podcast received a considerable boost.
The title and theme are important. I started with the title of Serving in Business. It was a good title but too broad. Once, my friend Rich told me you have a Servant’s heart. It was a game-changer. Many people listen just because of the title.
Be Consistent. People will stop listening to your shows if you are not consistent. I will do 3 to 10 weekly shows to bring fresh content to my channels. One of the reasons is that my 9800 subscribers stay with my channel. They know something new is coming soon.
Leverage your guests. I always think about how I can bring value to the guests — a referral, resource, or tip. I learn during the show their desires, passions, pain points, and challenges. I had a guest I did this with. She loved the show so much that she shared it with her network. I received 20 referrals and 2 incredible guests on my show. Serving with value with everyone you meet.
Can you share some insight from your experience about the best ways to: 1) book great guests; 2) increase listeners; 3) produce it in a professional way; 4) encourage engagement; and 5) the best way to monetize it? (Please share a story or example for each, if you can.)
- Ask. Then, tell people exactly what you are looking for in a guest. Have a link ready with all the information you need for the show.
- Make sure your guest shares with their network. Create a newsletter with updates to new shows, sponsors, and tips weekly. Lastly, if you are making money, invest in YouTube marketing. I have done this with great results.
- I have a unique way of producing my shows. I do not edit my shows. I keep the raw. This is supposed to be a conversation, not a TV series or Movie. Have unique questions. Ask questions as you listen to your guests.
- Ask again. Tell them you would love to have them listen. Ask good questions to get engaged. Guest gives something away. A newsletter helps to keep you on top of mind with your audience. Go out and be on other shows.
- Sponsors are the usual first answer (which I have), but even more so, I have an offer. They will ask you once you share it with your guests (after you bring them value and serve them). Referrals will come from everywhere. I get 3 to 10 referrals a day. Leverage your guest’s network and build partnerships with them
You can then go out and campaign weekly for your partners, and they will pay you. I make a lot of money doing this by helping others.
For someone looking to start their own podcast, which equipment would you recommend that they start with?
Start with any device you can record on Zoom. Zoom is probably the least expensive way to start a podcast. Once you get better and make more money, you can invest in better equipment. I use the Vocaster 2 Headset and mic combo.
Ok. We are almost done. Because of your position and work, you are a person of enormous influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the greatest amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger.
I want to start a community called Serving Each Other. I do this in a mastermind with high-income earning business people. Do this for everyone. You never know what someone can bring to you, whether poor or wealthy.
How can our readers follow you online?
Here is my website https://www.servinginbusinesspodcast.com/
And follow my newsletter https://view.flodesk.com/pages/64e2b98cca259e13f0890575
Thank you so much for sharing your time and your excellent insights! We wish you continued success.
Editors’s Note: This Interview originally appeared on Authority Magazine and is featured here with permission.
At one of my recent Alumni meetings, I invited my fellow thinking environment practitioners to share their thoughts about attention; what do we know about attention? Together we observed many facets of attention and the impact it has on others when we provide it.
In my experience in listening to generate the best in others, giving generative attention is a skill worth mastering. Because of the profound impact on others and the quality of their thinking. Nancy Kline describes the component of attention in her latest book The promise that changes everything, I won’t interrupt you, “as listening without interruption and with interest in where the person will go next with their thinking”.
Kline goes on to say “change where your attention is, and you change where the other person’s mind is”. Think about it for a moment, when someone gives YOU their undivided attention, free from distraction and interruption, how do you feel? What happens to your thinking and speaking? We have witnessed time and time again, that your thinking begins to soar. In the presence of this palpable interest in you and your thinking, you begin to feel more relaxed, confident, and courageous in your thoughts and willingness to speak them out loud. And so when you decide to give generative attention to another, you will be giving them one of the greatest gifts you can give another.
Despite knowing the impact of giving attention, and I believe we already know its impact on others, we hold ourselves back from doing so.
And this interests me. Indulge me if you will to share what we have found out so far about attention in service of us all positively impacting the lives of others when we make the decision to give our attention to another:
A definition
attention
/əˈtɛnʃn/
notice taken of someone or something; the regarding of someone or something as interesting or important.
This in its simplest of terms makes people feel seen and when we give our attention with interest in what they go on to say, they feel heard as well. Right there, right then, we have added value to another through our giving attention and listening to generate their thinking.
What does it look like?
Giving our attention, and notice I deliberately use the word giving as it is an active verb to give attention, rather than the more passive pay attention, looks like relaxed warm eyes on the eyes of the speaker (rather than a hard glare). It means holding this gentle eye contact so that when the speaker looks all around as they think for themselves, when they come back to you and your face, you are there, totally present. And they will feel this as well as see it. It’s powerful. You may offer an occasional nod of appreciation and understanding. Your stillness as you give attention and listen will be almost electrifying.
Giving attention also looks like being free from interruption and distractions. What is fascinating is how the brain chemistry changes when it knows it will not be interrupted. Blood flows more easily in the brain and the neurons connect more rapidly therefore enabling the thinker to think and be their natural creative and resourceful self. As opposed to the untrue assumption that crossfire and interruption generates creativity. Such behaviour increases adrenaline which kills creativity. Minimising distractions will also aid our capacity to give our undivided attention.
What happens when we decide to give our attention?
It is an act of creation. The quality of your attention is a direct reflection of the quality of the thinking in the other. You will notice how they are distinctly engaged in their thoughts and expressions of feelings. They have new insights, make new connections, and come up with things they haven’t said out loud before, even thought before, in the presence of your generative attention.
It never ceases to amaze me in my coaching conversations, facilitating discussions and meetings how the quality of their performance increases. In the presence of generative attention, their thinking is clearer, more courageous, and creative. They reveal new ideas, ways of being, and strategies to accomplish what they set out to. They see for the first time what is possible rather than what is merely probable.
When you decide to give your attention to generate the best in others, you will witness the rich resourcefulness, intelligence, and talents in another.
What is at risk in our attention?
As a human being, we cannot fail to have a reaction to what we are hearing and seeing. And so there are several streams to our attention. In the thinking environment, we refer to these as the three streams of attention. The first stream is that we are giving our attention to what the other is saying, the words and feelings they express, and the non-verbal signs they give with their body. The second stream of attention is that we notice our own reaction to what we have heard and seen. We acknowledge that reaction and then quieten it to give our focus and full attention to the person speaking once more. The third stream is that we are aware of and decide to embody the 10 components (ways of being) of a thinking environment which, when embodied as a system, produce a transformative effect on the thinker.
Much research has been conducted on attention and the impact it has on us. In a recent article on how psychologists define attention, Kendra Cherry reveals:
“It’s not just about centering your focus on one particular thing; it also involves ignoring a great deal of competing information and stimuli. Attention allows you to “tune out” information, sensations, and perceptions that are not relevant at the moment and instead focus your energy on the information that’s important.”
What is at risk is if we allow the three streams of attention to become out of balance. In everyday conversation, this might then look like having a reaction to what you have just heard and then immediately respond with an opinion, a solution, or a reaction and therefore hijacking what the person wanted to express for themselves. Our listening shifts from listening to ignite the best in others to listening to reply and inadvertently reduce the effectiveness and brilliance in the other.
Where will you decide to give your attention?
As you reflect on the nature of generative attention. Where and to whom will you decide to give one of the greatest gifts you can give another?
Thank you for listening.
I had occasion to speak with a prospect on a Zoom call the other day. She was looking for help in establishing her brand and marketing her online workshops and published materials. She insisted those things could be accomplished only by a digital marketing agency.
I suggested digital marketing (or online marketing) simply means promoting stuff through digital channels using electronic technology, as opposed to print. I told her we employ tactics like email, social media, web-based advertising, text and multimedia messages, webinars, search engines, online customer communities, and other digital platforms. I even went so far as to suggest radio and TV ads could be considered digital marketing these days since … well … I opted to skip the breakdown of the digital electronics involved.
None of it mattered anyway. She was unmoved.
She told me she’d recently spoken with another person about her branding and marketing needs. That other person professed to run a digital marketing agency. That’s when the conversation got really interesting.
Here’s a transcript of the way it transpired, edited for brevity. (Clarity and sanity were a bit too much to hope for.) Her part of the conversation is designated as DG (Digital Guru). My side of the conversation will be represented by YT (Yours Truly):
YT: How do you know this other person runs a digital marketing agency?
DG: Because she told me she does, and her website says so. Yours doesn’t.
YT: You looked at my website?
DG: Yes.
YT: Do you realize my website exists in a digital medium?
DG: What does that have to do with anything?
YT: Ooh … this is going to be tougher than I thought.
DG: What?
YT: Nothing. I didn’t say anything.
DG: But I heard …
YT: What if we created a website for your business — drove traffic to it using email; social media; web, radio, and TV ads; webinars, and other forms of digital communication — and never put one thing in print?
DG: You do all that stuff?
YT: Yeah.
DG: But you’re not a digital marketing agency.
YT: Yes, we are.
DG: I don’t believe you. Your website doesn’t say that.
YT: If I added digital marketing agency to my website right now, while we’re talking — if you were able to refresh your browser, see it right away, and understood I made that change digitally — would you believe it then?
DG: No.
YT: Why not?
DG: Because you’d just be trying to fool … why are you holding a gun to your head?
YT: Never mind. Have you ever heard of a digital twin?
DG: Yes. Why?
YT: Because I’m not me. On this Zoom call, you’ve actually been seeing and talking with my digital twin.
DG: You mean you don’t even exist?
YT: Nope. I’m a digital figment of someone’s imagination. I just can’t figure out if it’s mine or yours.
DG: You’re hired.
Definitions Are Everything
Before I start talking, I find it prudent to know what I’m talking about. But that’s just me. Some people find it a bit odd, if not off-putting … or worse. (As my friend, Yonason Goldson, wrote to me recently, “Look what happened to Socrates. And all he did was ask questions.”) But since I manage to find my Big Boy Pants most mornings, I plug along.
On the subject of definitions, and since the big hand is on the 20 and the little hand is on the 24, it’s time for most communication to take place digitally, whether it’s marketing or not. So, if you want to make a distinction between digital marketing and anything other than print, good luck finding an agency that employs cave art, smoke signals, drumbeats, carrier pigeons, or — if you want to go back even farther than that — fax machines.
This isn’t called The Digital Age for nothing.
One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.
–Bryant H. McGill
Even though my mom and I have a great connection, that doesn’t stop us from having the following types of conversations quite often.
Mom: – On your way to my place, will you pick
Me: – Pick up apples and walnuts? (Because I know that we planned to make apple pie together)
Mom: – No, silly! Will you pick your aunt up? She called and said she would like to come over and needs a ride.
That has something to do with her and me loving to complete each other’s sentences, knowing full well that what we say is nowhere near what the other means. But we love a good laugh and never miss an opportunity to have a loud one.
My mom and I do this intentionally and consciously as an internal joke. But seeing how far the misunderstandings between her and I could get, even though we have a close relationship, says a lot about potential miscommunications that could easily occur between people who are less familiar with each other – especially if they are not much in synch on hearing and understanding one another.
Why Is Communication Particularly Important?Communication can be defined as the process of understanding and sharing meaning in what we say and how we say it, both in oral and written forms. If we did not communicate at all, how would we function? What would ‘not being able to ask for what you need or even to understand the needs of others look like?
Communication is the foundation of all human relationships. It is the very tool we use to express our ideas and feelings while recognizing the emotions and thoughts of others. Thus, we develop emotions that create preferably positive but sometimes also negative relationships.
Our communication skills help us to understand others. Not just their words but also their tone of voice, their nonverbal gestures, and the format of their written documents provide clues about who they are and what their values and priorities may be.
How Can You Be A Better Listener?You might already be a great listener, but if you think that will stop me from sharing a few tips on being an active listener, reader, and successful communicator with you, that would be a mistake. So, here are my suggestions to you:
- Put on your curiosity hat and approach each dialogue to learn something.
- Stop talking and focus on what is being said.
- Suppress the urge to think about what you are going to say next,
- Use open-ended questions rather than questions that could get answered with just a yes or no.
- Ask follow-up questions to check the accuracy of your understanding and summarize what you heard to confirm you are on the same page.
- Encourage practicing positive feedback through a smile, a nod, or a supportive question to show your interest in the topic.
- Listen for total meaning, as the real message may be non-verbal or emotional, and be fully aware of the body language.
- Pay attention to your responses and respect the other points of view, even if you disagree.
Communication is an art. Be an artist. Create your best artwork with every person you communicate with.
Wishing you calm and happiness,
In these days of divisiveness and polarization, we’re told two competing things:
- We’re told we have to be this, or we have to be that. Only two options. Choose one. Nothing in the middle.
- We’re told we’re not supposed to be angry. In light of what we’re being set up for in #1, what are we supposed to do? If one of the two options we’re given is good — this or that — how are we supposed to feel about people who choose the other? What’s the alternative to anger? Is there any middle ground on which this and that can meet?
In this session, we’ll discuss anger. We’ll discuss it as a symptom, an effect. And we’ll examine its causes. Join us on Tuesday, February 27th at 1:00 PM Eastern for this important conversation.
CLICK HERE TO GRAB YOUR FREE SEAT FOR SALON 360°
Each of us cycles through multiple moods several times a day. Depending on how we feel, we may be gung-ho to take on a project or be immobilized by a pessimistic funk. Like stress, moods are often reactions to events and operate behind the scenes of consciousness, pumping us up, shutting us down, and leaving us at the mercy of whatever feeling has bubbled to the surface.
Moods have a big impact on what we get done during the day, how much we get done, the decisions we make, and the stress that we feel.
Researcher Marcial Losada found in a study that looked at the behavior of business people in meetings (using a two-way mirror for observation), that those with positive mood, who asked questions, didn’t go on the defensive, and used positive framing in their language, were more productive employees, had better sales, and got along with others better.
In this article, we will discuss 5 strategies for managing mood swings, especially bad moods at work:
- Know your triggersEmotional triggers immediately remind us of any past instances or experiences, even though they were good or bad. Just that very reminder immediately put on or off our moods. Knowing our trigger points helps when we can identify or relate to what makes us upset or puts our mood off.
This could be people, events, interactions, situations, places, etc. Knowing ourselves in advance can prepare us to remain calm and plan our reactions according to the situation. This way, we may be able to even anticipate the other party’s reaction. Always remember, that letting go is the key here. Let’s not stay imprisoned due to any situations that hamper our progress.
- Be respectfulRespect is one of the most important traits @workplace because it creates a positive work culture for us and our teams to accomplish goals together. Let’s learn to treat people around us the same way we would like to be treated. In the business world or at the workplace, we just cannot avoid anyone and everyone for several reasons.
We must learn to co-exist and work together. If the other person is rude, there’s no need to reciprocate. We can stay gracious and just be firm and assertive without being aggressive. Often, rude people will mellow down if they don’t get a reaction from us and realise that they are the only ones shouting in the room and will eventually rectify their behaviour.
- CompartmentaliseCompartmentalisation is a coping mechanism that allows us to separate conflicting thoughts, feelings, and experiences into separate mental compartments. This can be a useful strategy in situations where we need to focus on other aspects of our lives. When we commute to work, use that time to tell the mind to let go. Through this thought process, we can mentally ‘store/lock up” the issue in a box for the time being.
Likewise, never bring negative emotions home. It would be a good practice to let go of any anger, frustration, and unhappiness at the end of every workday. Harbouring negative emotions allows them to fester like mould, bringing you to a breaking point. So it’s best to empty the emotional “trash can” daily, to prevent overwhelm.
- The 10-second RuleThis 10-second rule is a tried and tested rule around the world and is considered to be quite effective. Let’s give ourselves a chance to respond healthily, even in challenging situations. The 10-second rule is quite simple: It simply says that whenever the temperature in a conversation starts to go up, pause for 10 seconds before responding.
This is especially helpful if we are angry, frustrated or even irate. If one feels that the internal temperature is rising, try and count to 10 to recompose. If possible, drink water, and take a short break but let’s reassure the rest of the meeting participants that you will be shortly back to deal with the matter.
- Decision-makingResearch shows that decision-makers in a negative frame of mind tend to be more focused when facing a high-risk situation. Decision-makers who feel more upbeat tend to be less focused in their information search. Anger, on the other hand, can undermine good decisions. In this day of instant communication, it’s easy to just shoot off an email or text that you may regret later.
Let’s never let anger or unhappiness cloud our judgement. Hold off all forms of communication i.e. email, phone call, or in-person or virtual meetings while angry. We can write emails but save them as drafts and sleep on them for a day. Re-read it the next day or even let someone you trust take a look at it before you send it.
Wrap UpTo sum it up, let’s remind ourselves that no two men or women are born identical even in terms of behaviours. We should pay more attention to this aspect. In that case, to the emotional levers of mood, since they have such an impact on performance, motivation, interest, persistence, and satisfaction, among many others. These are some of the reasons that our work-life balance, staying positive, and time management employee training programs teach the power of optimism and the resilience that comes from it.
We’re all familiar with when the day gets off on the wrong foot. Everything seems harder, and takes forever, as intrusive frustration, sadness, or anxiety gets in the way of what we’re doing. The tone tends to spread throughout the day and this can only happen when we take a complete change or our moods.
"Remember, people respect the wise, who have the courage to live with integrity at all levels." ...
"Arrogance is actually having excessive pride over one’s or a particular group’s accomplishment to an extent wherein we believe that our abilities are superior compared to others and that success would have come sooner if we had done it alone." ...
"My love for performing, language and linguistics, listening to lots of audiobooks, and meeting a voiceover artist all led me to voiceovers." ...
"Emoticons are the smiles of writing, but also the tears of communication. What is your favorite emoticon?" ...
"AI systems do not have the same understanding of context, nuance, and emotion as humans do." ...
"Increasing awareness of your body language and that of others will enhance your conversations exponentially." ...
"In a world filled with divisiveness, the art of "calling in" stands as a beacon of hope. It's a reminder that, in our shared journey of understanding, we have the power to shape our conversations positively." ...
"Think about how your distractions affect you at home and in the workplace. It’s critical to find ways to minimize your distractions so that you can be more present for those who need you to be with them at that moment." ...
"A post is not only a post. It is the opportunity to get exposure to different ideas. Sharing comments offers a great means to get exposure to new ideas." ...
"A need to be authentic with our teams and create an environment of total transparency can lead to oversharing, but how do we know if we’ve gone too far in being authentic and transparent?" ...
"What is the moment you experienced the power of silence? When did you feel that words weren't necessary to understand or express an emotion?" ...
"There is no such thing as a fake laugh. All laughter serves genuine social functions, helping you navigate complex social interactions." ...
"Don’t we all have some habits we need to be made aware of – kindly - and work on if it pushes people we care about away, or hampers us in our professional or personal development?" ...
"Sarcastic quips can undermine relationships, erode trust, sour alliances, alienate potential advocates, and toxify community culture." ...
In today’s digital age, content writing plays a pivotal role in engaging customers and building lasting relationships. As businesses compete for attention in a crowded online landscape, crafting compelling and persuasive content has become a fundamental skill for success. Merely producing generic content is insufficient in today’s fiercely competitive online landscape. To win over customers […]
"Words hold great power, impacting our lives and relationships. They can foster growth or cause harm." ...
"Sometimes, when leaders don't believe in what they are saying, they make it louder so it sounds more true." ...
"When we truly seek to understand another we are committing ourselves to bringing an open mind and a level of curiosity that means we are really open to learning." ...
"To close sales, you have to do the work. The way you present yourself, the story you tell, and the way that you relate to your dream client, all play a huge role in potential conversion." ...
"By truly listening - to understand, not just respond - you will be more present and gain a better understanding of the message of the speaker." ...
"When minds meet, they don't just exchange facts: they transform them, reshape them, draw different implications from them, and engage in new trains of thought. Conversation doesn't just reshuffle the cards: it creates new cards." ...
"Having worked in media for over 20 years and as a producer, I know what makes a good interview. And it’s a lot more than just a spot. What does it mean? What do you need beyond the actual spot?" ...
"If you are thinking of holding a meeting, your very first question should always be, do we really need a meeting? Ask yourself, can the topic be resolved through a phone call, email, or other method?" ...
"At home, at work, and in civic spaces, it’s not uncommon to have conversations that make you question the intelligence and benevolence of your fellow human beings." ...
It amazes me how nature law applies to organizations and people. One example is hypothermia. A human body that exposes to very low temperatures soon loses its body energy. This may affect the brain and its ability to make wise decisions.
The same applies to studying organizations. I share my friend’s story to explain.
My friend was in a bad mood. He had a good job and happily engaged in his work. A rich businessperson tempted him to work for him for a much better salary. He resigned and joined the rich man’s organization. The man initially treated my friend so well until he finished an important project. Suddenly, the man moved him to a tiny office. He ordered his staff not to talk to him. He moved him from hot water to a chilling one.
My friend felt that he started to fall off balance. The man hired him to complete an assignment but then he had no need for him. He suffered virtually from hypothermia. His brain stopped functioning. He resigned with a broken heart.
We hear terms such as the manager froze an employee. Those managers cause much harm to humanity. These managers do this for a variety of reasons. These include not favoring their suggestions, excelling and the fear a manager the employee would replace him and grudge against certain nationalities.
The same hypothermic effect applies to celebrities who suffered from poverty to richness of money.
Social media has served many unknown singers and actors to become very famous in no time. These unknown singers and actors move from the chilling waters of poverty in money and fame to become rich in both. These artists suffer from “Sudden Wealth Syndrome”. This syndrome coupled with hypothermia makes these people act in an unacceptable way.
The fear of losing fame and money and as fast as they earned them make them live in fear. Soon their minds lose the ability to make good decisions. They lose old friends; spend money to focus the light on them on showy things like buying the most expensive cars.
It is amazing how fast they can change their behavior because they started by changing their words. These sudden rich people remind me of the wisdom of Mahatma Gandhi:
My partner and I decided we needed to learn, understand, and implement a marketing and promotion program to create and execute campaigns to give our books and those of our clients the best opportunity to become a #1 bestselling new release and/or #1 best seller.
Why did we do this? After writing books that did not achieve what we hoped, we invested time, effort, and money to first understand the publishing/distribution/marketing business and second to develop a sustainable and repeatable program. We interviewed authors who had experienced success and disappointment. We learned how to identify and overcome the landmines, myths, and obstacles that negatively impact authors.
We tested the program on ourselves before offering it to clients. We now have multiple bestselling books. In May of 2021, our Trust the Process – Book Marketing Program was offered to clients. How has that worked?
In the 22-month window from May 2021 to March 2023, our campaigns have produced 11 consecutive Amazon #1 bestselling new releases in multiple categories and two award-winning books.
Our message to authorsSo, you want to write a book. As hard as that is marketing/promoting and selling your book is even harder. The average for book sales is 250 copies. The author makes on average $500. Did you pour your heart and soul into writing a book for this? Don’t you want more? What are you doing to make your book stand out? Do you have a marketing/promotion plan BEFORE your book is finished? The sad fact is most authors do not have any type of marketing/promotion plan.
Let’s look at the facts:* 200 million Americans say they want to publish a book. * Somewhere between 600,000 and 1,000,000 books are published every year in the US alone. That is at least 11,500 books published each week.
Let’s look at the myths:As stated above, the sad fact is that most authors do not have any type of marketing/promotion plan. They mistakenly assume the publisher or editor or illustrator or writing coach will do the marketing. Publishers publish. Their job is to get the book finished and ready to be released. They do not run marketing campaigns. It is up to the author to market their book. Most do not have the expertise or the time to create and execute a comprehensive marketing and promotion campaign.
Most authors do not understand all the steps for a book to go from an idea to a finished product. Initially, I didn’t understand the process and was misled or completely misunderstood the marketing & promotion process. Here are the eight common steps to get a book from idea to a product. Note: none of the eight include marketing and promotion of the book.
- Write the book: Start with an idea or a concept. It is best to start with something you know. Try to visualize how you see the book flowing. Write your thoughts and arrange them in the order according to the flow in your mind. This is the creative part of the process. Most authors think this is the hardest part. It’s not. This is just step one.
- Edit the book: The author makes their best effort to edit the book, but as we all know editing what you wrote does not usually go well. Authors tend to see what they intended to write not what is on the page or computer screen. This is where a publisher usually comes into play. Most books will need a line edit and copy edit.
- Line Editing is focused on the content, style, and language used within the manuscript. A professional line editor may point out sections that can be improved, parts where the style is inconsistent, issues with pacing, or overuse of certain words or phrases throughout the manuscript.
- Copy Editing is focused on making sure a piece of writing is accurate, clear, and correct. For example: checking the facts; checking the math; ensuring that the writing is free from libel, plagiarism and conforms to the ethical standards of the publication and the profession.
- Proofreading: Review the manuscript for corrections. This may require two or more rounds of editing for a manuscript of 60,000 words.
- Final Proofreading: Review the entire manuscript plus interior formatting review and confirm proof. Final edits are made as needed.
- Manuscript Review: Author approval or comments and corrections. This may occur two or more times.
- Book Design and Cover: Design of front and back cover with author’s approval
- Publishing the book: Self-publish or contract publishing
- Distribution of the book: This is order fulfillment not marketing or promotion. The author can do it themselves. Contract with a publisher or use Amazon for order fulfillment.
The publisher will market the book myth:We just went through the eight common steps in the publishing process. None of them include marketing and promotion. The publisher may write a press release or social media post. The burden of marketing a book falls directly on the author, not the publisher. Publishers publish they do not market or promote. We do.
In Penguin Random House/S&S antitrust trial it was revealed that out of 58,000 trade titles published per year, half of those sell fewer than one dozen books. LESS THAN 12 BOOKS!!!
I will post to my social media myth:Large social media alone is not enough. While becoming a published author is a major ego boost, very few receive income or effectively leverage their book to expand their brand and business. Far too many authors equate likes, followers, and social media connections with increased revenue. Nothing is further from the truth. Never confuse activity with results.
“The pop star Billie Eilish, who now has 102 million Instagram followers and 6.7 million on Twitter, sold just 64,000 copies of her self-titled memoir from May 2021 to December, according to the New York Times. Justin Timberlake, who now has 64.5 million followers on Instagram, only managed to sell 100,000 copies of his autobiographical collection of observations, Hindsight, in the first three years. And the media personality Piers Morgan, who has 7.9 million Twitter followers and 1.8 million on Instagram, managed to move just 5,650 U.S. copies of his book, Wake Up: Why the World Has Gone Nuts, from September to December.”
“If being a celebrity with millions of followers does not guarantee high book sales, what does? Is there any hope for the rest of us?”
~ The Enigma of Book Sales May 9, 2022, By Alesha Brown
Trust the Process – Book Marketing ProgramWhile no campaign can guarantee a #1 bestseller, our campaigns dramatically improve the odds. They are a proven layered multi-step process to build a brand that will significantly increase exposure, awareness, authority, credibility and ultimately create multiple streams of revenue.
Consistency and frequency of the message matter. One post, email, letter, or Facebook live is not effective. For example, everyone knows Coca-Cola and Mcdonald’s, yet every day we see ads, commercials, etc. for these products. Our campaigns keep your message in front of the target market.
The key is to surround yourself with people who have been where you want to go. Keep in mind, many people, friends, family, colleagues, associates, etc. will offer their opinions and ideas on how the author should release and or promote their book. Most have never created and executed such campaigns. The secret to walking on water is to know where the rocks are! We will show you where the rocks are!
Executing a successful marketing/promotion strategy requires the cooperation of all parties including but not limited to; the author, writing coach, adviser, and publisher, who must agree to follow the steps listed in the Trust the Process Statement of Work and take subsequent instructions from.
When does a campaign startWe start our campaigns before the book is finished. The best campaigns build a groundswell of demand before the book is released.
Three stage campaignOur base-level campaigns have three stages.
- “Priming the pump” in anticipation of the book(s) launch.
- Launch campaign
- Post-launch follow-up
The investment will vary depending on the level of depth.
Are you ready to take control of your marketing/promotion? Let’s see.* Why are you writing this book? * Have you written a book before? If yes, What were the results? Did it achieve #1 bestselling status in any category? * Are you looking to leverage the book to create multiple revenue streams? * Are you willing to invest in your marketing, and promotion campaign? * Are you willing to be coached? * What genre is your book? * Are you willing and able to commit to and follow the campaign – prelaunch, launch, post-launch – potential multiple-month contract? * Are you willing to invest in your book’s success? * Will you put in the time and effort to do the tasks assigned to the author? * Do you have an email list and an email program (MailChimp, Constant Contact, etc.)? * What organizations do you belong to as a member, adviser, volunteer, etc.? * Who is your publisher? They must be willing to follow our plan (post the book where and when per the plan). We can suggest a publisher if needed. * Do you need someone to assist you with the writing, formatting, and editing?
As you move through the decision process to write a book, you will hear many stories and claims from publishers, editors, illustrators, friends, and associates. Ask yourself this question, who has created and executed marketing and promotional campaigns that have achieved 11 consecutive #1 bestselling titles and two award-winning books in 22 months?
Magic happens when people Trust the Process. Message Melissa Van Oss or Frank Zaccari on LinkedIn. Let’s talk.
That was the question I asked myself as I sat down to finish one of the dozens of drafts waiting for me in my notebook.
In the two and a half years I have been on this platform, I have written sixteen articles, which is a pretty small number compared to other authors. However, I am very pleased with my published work and feel truly honoured to be one of the 300+ Featured Contributors. Many contributors were already well-known authors before they joined BIZCATALYST, while others, like me, were just casual bloggers and novice writers who wanted to “spread their wings” (in Dennis’ words).
Before I started writing here, I had already found my voice through five years of blogging. I wrote whenever I had something to say and was ready to express it. Even after being named a Featured Contributor, I haven’t changed my approach to writing. Many unwritten thoughts and ideas are buzzing around in my head. It takes me a long time to turn them into pieces I am willing to share.
I couldn’t think of a better place to express myself than BIZCATALYST 360°. As demonstrated numerous times, this platform truly is a community.
It’s a place where an introvert like me feels comfortable writing. A writing community that values and encourages diversity. A welcoming environment of mutual respect and understanding. I’ve had constructive discussions with several writers who disagree with me but are open to hearing and understanding different ideas and perspectives. Engaging in dialogue with those who do not share your point of view and attempting to see things through their eyes can be both challenging and refreshing.
My most recent article was published eight months ago. The last two years have been physically and mentally exhausting for me. I wrote about it in my article below:
Tears and Joy of Caring for Ageing Parent(s)
Everyone is unique when it comes to life’s challenges and demands. I’ve always been hesitant to write about my struggles, not because I lacked courage but because I believed such things should be shared only with my family and close friends. However, after joining BIZCATALYST, I read many outstanding and truly inspirational stories from fellow writers who overcame life’s most difficult challenges and remained optimistic. These stories literally changed the way I thought about writing on publishing platforms and inspired me to share my struggles with others.
The entire experience of caregiving profoundly altered my life. It felt liberating to write about it and put my deepest feelings on the screen. Sharing my struggles allowed me to connect with others who could relate to my story. I’ve received encouraging messages from others who have faced or are facing the challenges of caring for loved ones. Those messages taught me that telling your story is not only a powerful tool for self-discovery; it can also provide comfort and support to others who struggle in silence and inspire them to tell their own.
Being on BIZCATALYST has taught me that stories inspire and encourage people to act. Even a small action can cause a ripple effect of change.
I will do my best to continue writing on this platform. It does not have to be perfect writing. Nothing is perfect. There is no “right” way to write about what is on your mind and heart. Another thing I’ve learned from being here is to always write in your own voice, with your passion, personality, and genuine heart shining through. I sincerely hope that my imperfect writing reflects all of this.
Writing for BIZCATALYST 360° has allowed me to reach a much larger audience than I could through my blog. It has also connected me with some wonderful people outside my professional and personal circles. I look forward to writing more and making even closer connections within this amazing community.
Why do you write for BIZCATALYST 360°? And what have you learned from it?
Having labored a little over translating Mariah and Byron Edgington’s Journey Well list of self-affirmations into Danish, I decided to write a piece on the ongoing translation task that all of us who function in a foreign language continuously engage with.
In international social science research projects, the term “conceptual equivalence” is thrown around and makes it cumbersome to make good research questions that can apply equally well in many different countries. The same goes for translating emotions – and words evoking emotions – as in Mariah and Byron’s list. We want a translation to evoke the same emotion as the original word. If “more than enough” evokes an emotion related to being “too much”, Houston, we have a problem.
A translation is sometimes more than just the same word in a different language.
Let me start with a short background story.
In my early twenties, one of my best friends was a colleague who had a huge stack of paperback novels. She had been a flight attendant for a couple of years, and cheap English language paperbacks seems to be everywhere in airports. Hence, she has acquired more than a few. The books were not the reason we were friends, but they did provide ample reading material when we went on vacations together.
To put this into context: I grew up speaking a language that only around 5 million people speak. That does not make for a huge market in neither hardcover nor paperback novels and, consequently, books in Danish were/are prohibitively expensive – three to four times the price of a similar book on Amazon. If Danish books weren’t so expensive, we wouldn’t have read all these paperback novels in English in the first place.
Now, let me get back to telling you the story with my friend.
Because we read so many books in English, odd sayings started to creep into our Danish. She told me about some shenanigans she wouldn’t put it past her brother to have instigated – and we both cracked up because the term “putting it past him” doesn’t exist in Danish. She had translated this verbatim, and it made absolutely zero sense.
I think this was the first time I consciously recognized that some words or terms could not be translated and be understood the same way as in the original language. (And this is a very different “oops” from just using the wrong word when you speak a foreign language.)
Have you noticed that we are already dealing with two levels of translation confusion now?
The simple layer is that perhaps you now wonder what the Danes say when they want to convey “I wouldn’t put it past him”?
The next layer is that to set the scene, I had to tell you much more about the Danish book business that you would ever want to know.
Over the years, I have helped translate many Danish texts, and an important part of a translation is to add a context that allows the foreign reader to make sense of what is in the primary message. You can’t for example refer to a company and expect readers abroad to know anything about the company – not even one that is known by everybody back home.
One doesn’t have to be Danish to wrongly infer that some things need no explanation. Reading Harry Potter makes so much more sense if you know just a little about the English school system. And, actually, that goes not just for the school system but for any social “system”: government, retirement, medical, telephones, elections, juridical… We are generally only aware of our own country’s ways of organizing itself. (I recently watched the movie “A Man Called Otto” and yes, the plot differs from the original Swedish story because Sweden and USA don’t organize their medical care in the same way.)
It is not just our locally known companies, heroes, and public services that need introduction when we translate. When you are translating into English aimed at the US audience, numbers also need to be adjusted. What looks like a social emergency or miracle because something happened to 5,000 Danes becomes a rounding error put into an American context. Such numbers need to be normalized – how many people per 100,000 population translates much better than absolute figures whether your frame of reference is much bigger or much smaller than mine. (Actually, this happens as well when somebody compares between states within the US.)
With idioms and metaphors, all bets are off. We may even unwittingly “step in it” big time – to use a metaphor that in my childhood Danish was “stepping in the spinach”. (Don’t ask me why spinach.) Americans fill their language with references to sport: “Out of the ballpark”, “Home run”, “Slam dunk”. If you don’t play baseball or basketball, this may mean nothing. In French it is cooking terms and food references that show up everywhere. “I feel like a chicken in a pie.” Say what!?
All languages use references to literature (“the emperor has no clothes”, “Catch 22”), movies, history, or Holy Scripture. I learned that Chinese “play piano to a cow” when they “throw pearls before swine” – would that stop you in your tracks, reading a novel where they play piano for their cows? (Not that the pigs makes a whole lot of sense, either.) The www is full of strange sayings translated verbatim. I read and laugh that anybody would say something this funny – and then discover that it is just the Dutch words for the totally same old saying we have in Danish. (Refound in translation, perhaps?)
At the beginning of this piece, I wrote “Houston, we have a problem.” Did you pause to wonder where that came from? If not, do you think it may confuse people with non-American background, or perhaps people younger than you?
In Denmark, being naïve is sometimes phrased as “being blue-eyed” because most babies are born with blue eyes. “I may have blue eyes, but they are not that blue.” It doesn’t translate well into the multiethnic American society, where referring to blue eyes is known as “a dog whistle”. Does everybody outside the USA understand the same if using the term “dog whistle” as do Americans? (Fortunately, not my blunder.)
We are not always aware of how much we use idioms that can be hard to translate because they rely on culture and country-specific references. But they will often be lost in translation (and when they are not, trust me, they are a real nuisance to translate.)
I referred to international research above, and questionnaires require not one, but several translators involved translating back and forth. A classic joke illustrating this is translating Matthew 26.41 “The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” The reverse translation: “The drinks indeed is strong, but the steak is bad.” I recognize that this may be funny only to people familiar with Matthew and the traditions around his writing. But we do want the reverse translation to get a little closer to the original text, please.
One of my translation projects was the Danish version of the Personal Value Questionnaire used in social surveys. Dr. Schwartz and his colleagues set out to measure all the values they could think of to figure out which values were most prevalent where. And they could think of quite a few. But when they tried to agree on how to put all these values into questionnaires, they found that some of the values were important in some cultures but were totally unknown in other cultures. How is that for “conceptual equivalence” if you have concepts that don’t even exist in the language you are translating into? Lost in translation, squared.
When the team had sorted this out and questioned people all across the world, they did some fancy statistical analyses and found that some values grouped together one way in some countries but very differently in other countries. Thus, a value can be important to both you and your counterpart, and you would translate it with words you both understand, but you could still mean something different. That is one of the worst situations in international communication: you think you agree, but you speak about two different things.
While I can’t tell you which values may suffer from this unfortunate complexity – they were excluded from the questionnaire – I can tell you that when you table a point on your agenda, the Americans draw a sigh of relief and lean back in their chairs while the Brits roll up their sleeves, getting ready to dig in. And that confusion doesn’t even require anybody translating.
Welcome to my life…
Certain Japanese concepts that don’t have a direct translation occasionally become buzzwords in English because of their unique perspective and insight. Ikigai (your “life purpose” or reason for getting out of bed in the morning) and wabi-sabi (admiring imperfections as a thing of beauty) are two such examples that have begun making their way into regular English parlance. I would like to give my two yen for another useful term in which we lack a direct equivalent in the West: yugen.
Yugen is a Japanese aesthetic concept that is difficult to translate. It encompasses a complex and multifaceted set of meanings. Yugen is often translated as “subtlety,” “profound grace,” “mystery,” or “elegant simplicity,” but none of these translations fully capture its essence.
At its core, yugen is an appreciation for the beauty and depth that can be found in the subtle, understated aspects of life. It is a sense of wonder and awe that arises from experiencing something that is not easily explained or understood, yet is profoundly moving and meaningful.
In traditional Japanese arts such as poetry, tea ceremony, and garden design, yugen is often evoked through the use of symbols, metaphors, and suggestions rather than overt description or decoration. For example, a simple arrangement of rocks in a garden might suggest a mountain landscape, while a single line of poetry might hint at a profound spiritual insight.
Yugen is also closely associated with the idea of impermanence, or the fleeting nature of existence. In Japanese culture, there is a deep appreciation for the beauty that can be found in things that are transitory or ephemeral, such as the cherry blossoms that bloom for only a few short weeks each year.
Overall, yugen represents a way of looking at the world that values subtlety, nuance, and understated beauty. It is a reminder that there is often much more to life than meets the eye and that the most profound experiences are often those that cannot be easily put into words.
So, while we may not (yet) have an equivalent in English, next time you are appreciating a setting sun or even just a great line in a movie that is deeper than the movie itself, you have a new word to describe that feeling: “wow, that is so yugen.”
When you need to stand out to customers, giving the right kind of corporate gifting that even matches your brand archetype provides for an unforgettable experience. Learn more on how to pair the gift to match your brand in the infographic below:
If you partake or want to partake in interviews, one of the first things you may encounter is the fear of going on-camera. Why? Watch the Video I Made for You to Get My Reasons.
The controversy surrounding Rupert Murdoch and Fox News cannot be ignored. The network’s promotion of propaganda and misinformation was widely criticized. While Tucker Carlson has taken most of the heat, it is crucial to recognize that Murdoch is equally responsible. He was aware of the propaganda being perpetuated through his media outlets. He allowed his top hosts to spread lies without consequence, putting profit and greed over the country’s well-being.
Murdoch has a history of sensationalist journalism and has been criticized for not caring about the truth or the power of words for decades. This is reflected in the actions of Fox News hosts. Carlson has been accused of promoting white supremacist ideas and spreading misinformation. In addition, his comments on the Black Lives Matter movement have been highly criticized.
Fox repeatedly echoed Trump’s claims of potential vote fixing and election fraud in the months leading up to the 2020 United States Presidential Election. Several Fox hosts and commentators promoted Trump’s claims and various conspiracy theories without providing supporting evidence. Other mainstream news outlets and fact-checkers widely criticized Fox reports and statements for spreading misinformation and promoting baseless claims of voter fraud.
During the 2020 Presidential election, Carlson faced backlash for suggesting that voting machines were rigged and hyping conspiracy theories about election fraud. Nevertheless, Carlson continued to spread controversial statements and misinformation, building a national divide and purposely feeding his viewers misinformation instead of presenting the facts. Carlson’s actions were apparent long before the Dominion Voting scandal.
While many states and election officials pushed back against Trump’s claims, Carlson and other Fox hosts continued to echo his claims. Trump’s allegations of widespread voter fraud and refusal to accept the election results led to many challenges and disputes over the results. Drawing some states and officials into legal battles. Leading multiple courts and state officials to reject Trump’s claims of voter fraud.
Despite this, Murdoch allowed the conspiracy theories, misinformation, and lies to continue, putting profits over the truth and the country’s well-being. This highlights the importance of holding those in power accountable for their actions and demanding higher standards of journalism. It doesn’t matter who they are, how powerful they are or how much money they have – they must be held responsible – no one is above the law.
Murdoch allowed it to continue for the sake of greed, which now has consequences for Fox. Carlson’s departure from the network is a significant loss, as he was among its highest-rated hosts with three million plus viewers. His actions tarnished the network’s image and raised questions about the standards of journalism at Fox. Not to mention, that Fox settled out of court with Dominion for more than $787 million to avert a defamation trial.
In light of the controversy surrounding Fox and Rupert Murdoch, we must be more diligent in truth-telling and following the facts. We must hold those in power accountable for their actions and demand higher standards of journalism. We can all promote responsible and diligent truth-telling by fact-checking information, verifying sources, and not sharing or promoting controversial statements, conspiracy theories, or misinformation.
If we’re not willing to do this for ourselves, let’s be willing to create a world for our youth, the coming generation where the truth is valued, and misinformation is not tolerated.
Day 379. Learning French on Duolingo and LingQIf you’re learning another language, I’d love to hear which language(s) you’re learning, how long you have been going, and if you’re using any apps. Go ahead and leave a comment if you feel like sharing.
Why French, and why Duolingo & LingQ?I picked French for the pure fun of it. I love the sound of it but to be honest, it’s a case of “unfinished business” for me. I thought I’d “pick up” some French when I studied languages in Saarbruecken, at walking distance from the French border, back in the early nineties. Turns out, my professor was right when she said we wouldn’t have time to “pick up” a third language while getting a translator’s degree in two.
But now it’s the perfect “guinea pig” for my language acquisition experiment.
So what’s the language acquisition experiment? And how can it possibly help you grow your business?Well, I’m a pattern spotter, and I’ve seen how applying certain language acquisition principles to business building can help you make progress faster and with much greater ease. Let me explain.
I’ve been fascinated with foreign languages since long before I had my first Russian class at age 11 (Russian was the first foreign language taught back in East Germany). What I find most intriguing though is that despite schools and universities applying “proven teaching methods”, plenty of people never achieve fluency in another language, even if they live in a country where the language is spoken. Just like so many people looking to grow their business follow proven methods but don’t get the results they were promised and hoping for.
Something seems to be missing.Then one day, I stumbled across a video titled, “The Difference Between Language Learning and Language Acquisition.” It caught my attention because, in my mind, there was no difference.
There is.
Turns out, there is a different approach that gets better results much fasterLanguage learning is about consciously studying vocabulary and grammar rules. It’s about analyzing, trying to figure out, memorizing, working hard, and passing exams. Chances are, it’s how you’ve been taught whatever language you might have studied. Chances are, it’s the approach you’re taking when it comes to growing your business. The thing is, there is often a sense of information overload, overwhelm, pressure, and stress.
Language acquisition, on the other hand, is about “getting out of the way” so that your brain can naturally, unconsciously, absorb and make sense of the information, and build the new skill effortlessly. It’s like children learn, and research shows that’s how adults learn best as well.
Language acquisition is about Trusting Your Magnificent Mind.
So, how does it work?If you’ve used language learning apps like Duolingo or LingQ, you’ve experienced the principles of language acquisition in action:
- It must be interesting and relevant – everything is easier when you’re focusing on something you want and/or need
- It must be fun – nothing feels like work when you look at it as a game or an experiment
- Get a feel for the whole – immerse yourself in the language, not trying to understand, simply allowing yourself to get a feel for the sounds, melody, and rhythm of it
- Expose yourself to comprehensible input – it’s about connecting something unknown to something known, not throwing yourself into the deep end and drowning
- Get a mentor/guide – you make more progress faster when you have a guide – just like a parent guides a child learning to speak – someone who has your best interest at heart, who walks at your pace and stretches you gently so you can expand
- Take tiny steps without stopping – “When it feels hard, you’re skipping steps,” I tell clients all the time. Doing a little bit every day gets you moving farther faster than trying to get a whole lot squeezed into a day
- Focus on the “basic pieces” first. Once they are second nature, you’ll naturally start differentiating, appreciating, and understanding more subtle details
- Progress, not perfection – Mistakes don’t matter, in fact, they are needed. They offer invaluable information that helps you decide on your next move
- It’s not a race – no matter how many “Learn Spanish in 30 Days” books you buy, developing mastery takes some time. And there is nothing wrong with that
- Trust the process. Know that you’re getting better every day even if you’re not aware of it
- Keep going. No failure is a failure unless it’s your last move. “Everything works out in the end. If it hasn’t worked out yet, then it’s not the end,” Tracy McMillan says. I have nothing to add.
The first language I learned this way was Spanish over 20 years ago. After 9 months of study (just a few evenings a week, after work) I felt more comfortable and confident speaking Spanish than I felt after 6 years of full-time university study to become a translator for English.
These days, apps like Duolingo or LingQ make the Trust Your Magnificent Mind approach accessible to anyone. Just watch out, you might get addicted
What if you applied the same principles to growing your business?Imagine approaching all learning and creation, including for your business, as a series of experiments, fuelled by curiosity, without unnecessary pressure and distorted expectations, without worry about getting it right, being good enough, or reaching goals faster…
From my own experience, and from working with clients, I know that when you operate this way, what drops away is doubt, overthinking, fear, worry, indecision, procrastination, and overwhelm. What you’re invariably left with is what creatives know and love as FLOW: Effortless focus, a limitless fountain of creativity, feeling relaxed and joyful, and astonishing levels of productivity.
How would that show up in your business?“For the first time in ages, I’ve been sleeping for 8 hours in one piece. I feel so relaxed and inspired. I don’t get caught up in other people’s little dramas, I get things done so much faster and frankly, the quality of my work has improved noticeably,” my client Vanessa shared after 2 weeks in “the experiment.”
The thing is, I’ve invited, well .. challenged .. quite a few people to give this approach a try, even if it’s just for a few days to start. It feels unnatural and scary for most.
“But my business is important to me. I need to get stuff done and reach my goal. I can’t just go with the flow and treat it as an experiment!”
Well, if the way you build your business works for you, great. Don’t fix what isn’t broken.
But if it feels like hard work, harder than you thought it would, if it requires rigid rules, rituals, and discipline to whip you through your never-ending to-do list, if you’re exhausted at the end of a week, if it feels like you’re pushing a boulder up a hill, let me plant the seed in your mind that there is an easier way…
If you’re game, try it out.
If you’ve experienced Duolingo or the likes, if you got hooked on playing a little bit each day and looked back sometime later, amazed at how much you’ve learnt without any apparent effort, I invite you to take the Trust Your Magnificent Mind approach into your business. Start with just a day or a weekend and see what happens.
If you can’t imagine at all how that could work, I’m inviting you to sign up for Duolingo, pick any language that sparks your interest and give yourself a week.
Are you up for the experiment?
Today, more than ever, it is essential to set rules for engagement before accepting any business, especially with a need to promote another. Otherwise, the next step could be to seek legal advice. We want to avoid getting caught up in a scam or helping another with a project that is not as initially projected. Before accepting any offer that may intrigue us, we must research before agreeing to a partnership.
My StoryRoutinely offers to buy a business, promote the work of another entity, or collaborate with new people come to my attention. Most offers are easy to decline as they do not meet my goals and will only eliminate the time necessary for achieving them. In other cases, I either need to gain the knowledge required to succeed with the offer or desire to consider the opportunity. In these cases, it is easy to decline the requests.
My first step is to schedule a conversation to learn more. When someone approaches whose demeanor almost matches mine in an approach, the behavior catches my attention. However, I forewarn the person that I have many questions that require answering.
Upfront, I may be excited about the proposition, but it’s best to begin by gaining insights from those already established in the industry. I lay out the opportunity before me and ask if they know the people and the company they represent. The primary concerns are:
- The business in question aligns with my priorities and goals.
- The company has a solid reputation.
- Our principles for conducting business match those of one another.
Detective Work UpfrontI will thoroughly research a website to gain further insights before speaking with someone about the possibility of partnering. Typically, the About Us page will indicate the team members, insight into their experiences, and what they hold essential overall. Next, I do a Google search to learn more about their work and if the company is legitimate. Should they partner with other firms, I will research those too. Although I may want to participate without hesitation, I know better and proceed to do detective work before making any agreement.
Most importantly, before the conversation, I will ask those I know well and are well-known in the same field as the company in question if they know the business. The people I confer with have a wealth of experience in their expertise. Accordingly, if a company name is unfamiliar, that lessens the enthusiasm. And when another company is in the startup phase, given today’s news, caution sides with the idea to wait until it proves itself successful and familiar before proceeding. I check for agreement on whether that will work for the other party.
Detective Work for SalesDetective work also applies to dealing with prospective clients. The salesperson is responsible for becoming familiar with as many aspects of their work as possible. Upon analyzing a conversation after the fact, I would frequently call my prospect the following day. My opening line was to say, ‘I was thinking about you to realize I have one more question,’ and then ask permission to proceed. My teammates would refer to me as the Columbo detective of sales.
Your Story: Set Rules for EngagementIf you know the feeling of being sorry about an agreement with another that seemed to enter a sinkhole, then you are the first to realize the need to set engagement rules. Values and priorities come first. But next, the research on many levels requires time and thought about whether the necessary effort to make it a success is likely a good decision.
Reviews can be ‘iffy’ depending on whether an opposing reviewer is honest or doesn’t want a competitor as good as the one in question. Therefore, asking those you know in a similar field their thoughts upfront is best. Then research the industry and the competitors of the business making the request. Note the similarities and differences to determine whether you admire the company.
An effective collaborative effort is frequently the differentiator for being successful. On the other hand, not being selective can lead to a downhill slope, only to regret ever saying yes. Consider the suggestions above to realize where you may improve your approach the next time an exciting offer comes. The point is to ensure it’s exciting and will prove successful.
In Conclusion: Set Rules for EngagementToday, more than ever, it is essential to set rules for engagement before accepting any business, especially with a need to promote another. Otherwise, the next step could be to seek legal advice. We want to avoid getting caught up in a scam or helping another with a project that is not as initially projected. Before accepting any offer that may intrigue us, we must research before agreeing to a partnership.
We design technologies, from social media to sociable robots, that give us the illusion of companionship and reassure us that we will never be alone. Because being alone is perceived as a problem and we try to solve it with connection and, paradoxically, in doing so we contribute to building our isolation.
In truth, loneliness must be seen also in a positive way, giving it space, because it is an essential condition for self-reflection, for finding ourselves, and for truly appreciating others.
It cannot be denied that the spread of mobile phones inhibits the development of proximity.
Most people spend almost all of their time making calls or looking at their smartphones, almost escaping the possibility of having a conversation with a neighbour. It can be objected that this too is a form of communication, after all, we also talk on the telephone.
True, but it is not the sounds that circulate, but the letters typed and sent via SMS or WhatsApp. The co-presence, the sharing of a common space and time, as well as the corporeity that accompanies all our direct discourse is missing. This risks leading to a sort of progressive disappearance of the real counterpart.
With face-to-face conversation, we are present to our interlocutor. We form and grow on the careful and profound exchange that also involves the emotional reactions contextual to the discourse.
To make up for this deficiency, emoticons have been created, which should express the various emotional expressions of the dialogue. However, they are a pre-packaged surrogate for that complex universe that is our emotions, and being standardized they end up erasing any personality index and making any form of improvisation impossible.
The perception is that the conversation is almost frightening, due to its “too many variables”, while on the web it can be interrupted when you want and in addition, you can do other things at the same time.
The “escape” from the conversation has also infected many younger families in which parents often fail to prevent their children from using their smartphones at the table, thus renouncing their responsibility as educators. Also because often they too are focused on mobiles.
There is another aspect that characterizes communication in the digital age and it is the intensity, the frequency with which we become the subject of an ever-increasing number of messages, information, and images with which we are not always able to keep pace and we no longer have time to stimulate our creative capacity.
The risk is that social networks end up falsifying our understanding of intimacy itself and with it our understanding of ourselves. We have gone from a real relationship to a pure sensation; from empathy to a sense of empathy; from the existence of a community to the sense of community
Certainly, the solution does not want to be giving up social media and technology in general, because it is undeniable that they have expanded our relationship opportunities. But a more careful reflection on the relationship we establish with this extremely powerful technology is necessary for more critical and balanced use. In other words, it is necessary to establish more aware relationships: with technology, with others, and with ourselves.
Falling in love with ChatGpt, and AI in general, often seems to escape the control of reason and logic. We are faced with a machine that, while capable of performing complex tasks, lacks human intelligence and, on the contrary, exploits natural resources, human labour, kills privacy, and undermines equality. This not only dispossesses man of his adjective sapiens but undermines the very basis of democracy and the fundamental rights on which it is founded.
Nonetheless, it seems that our technophilia and fetishism for artificial intelligence are induced by a hedonistic self-alienation as persons and as sapiens, in search of an easy solution to our everyday problems. But AI is not the Ultimate Algorithm that will solve all our problems; in fact, it may be our worst enemy.
Our presumption of being man sapiens is based on the intelligence, reason, and logic that distinguish us as a species. But if we produce machines like ChatGpt that function without man and replace him, we become homo stultus and lose our identity as sapiens.
Ultimately, we need to be aware of the effects of falling in love with ChatGpt and AI in general and act responsibly to preserve our dignity and freedom as homo sapiens.
Why this (real or induced?) falling in love with ChatGpt? Technophilia regardless? Fetishism for artificial intelligence? Or are we children who want to play with the new Meccano? Or – and worse – is it a voluntary and hedonistic self-alienation from oneself as a person, from oneself as men sapiens, from one’s freedom, from democracy, from knowledge and know-how? Or is it happiness at the approaching/concretising (we are tired of having to think and having to decide, really too exhausting !) of the Ultimate Algorithm, spelled with capital letters like God?
There is no creature more dangerous than man, for he is the only one who can change the world.
For many people, writing books is a fun pastime, a hobby, and a way to break away from the reality of everyday life. For others, it’s a way to make money and become successful. Making money from writing books isn’t always straightforward; even the most successful authors have struggled. However, you might be able to improve your chances of success by taking note of the following tips.
Take Any Opportunity to WriteYou perfect a craft by practicing it, so take any opportunity to write. Even if you’re only just learning how to be a fiction writer, don’t be afraid to put pen to paper and write as much as you can to refine your skills. The more you write, the more confident you’ll get in your abilities, and the easier you might find it to send your work to publishers and potentially receive a book deal you have your heart set on.
Write For Your MarketWriting a book with themes that no one has ever seen can be tempting. While it’s true that such books can be successful, it might not be the right direction to head in when you’re trying to make money from your creations.
Instead, write for your target market. Research the books that people of a particular age group or gender are reading and try to appeal to them with the perfect product. You might then improve your chances of piquing their curiosity and selling more books.
Use Genre TropesA genre trope describes a storytelling genre. Think forbidden romance, unlikely couples, and murder mysteries. When you write within a specific trope, you might stand a better chance of appealing to particular readers who actively seek out books of that nature.
For example, if you write a book about a forbidden romance, you might improve your chances of catching the attention of readers who tend to select forbidden romance-themed books. Once they’ve read your first book, they might remember your name for future book purchases.
Don’t Stop At OneThere have been plenty of one-hit-wonder authors, such as Emily Bronte with Wuthering Heights and Margaret Mitchell’s Gone with the Wind. However, the more books you write, the more momentum you can build, and the better your chances might be of building up a following.
When readers enjoy a book, they often seek other titles by the same author. Keep writing to ensure they’re able to find them and build up their collection. In the meantime, you stand a chance of making a profit on your creations.
Self-PublishAs tempting as it can be to sign with a popular book publishing agency, you might reconsider it if your goal is to start making money quickly. While many authors have turned large profits through publishing companies, many of them keep a considerable amount of the profits to cover their costs. If you decide to self-publish, you’ll need to take care of all book publishing-related costs but will retain most of your earnings.
Not all book authors will make money when they publish their books, but that doesn’t mean you won’t be one of the authors that do. Remember these tips while writing your books, and you might set yourself on a trajectory for success.
Being a consistent sponsor or guest on traditional, mainstream, or Web TV to reach and engage with audiences that equate to your ideal customers may seem like a low-priority expense today when compared to advertising, marketing, and promotion via Facebook ads, Instagram posts, TikTok videos, and Social Media Trends. But when it’s done right, TV can provide immense benefits—helping your business engage, inform, and entertain.
Brilliant ValueWhatever your marketing budget, TV sponsorship/advertising and guest appearances give you three bags full. Did you know that TV is almost half the average price per 30 seconds of YouTube? And 17 times cheaper than other online video advertising? These other forms of video cost advertisers more because of their cost-per-start trading model and the ease with which users can avoid the ads.
And this is before you consider all the other environmental and quality factors that distinguish TV – its high ad completion rates, full-screen viewing, high-quality and brand-safe content, the fact that it is watched so much with other people, all of which influence what matters most: effectiveness.
Makes You KNOWNTraditional, mainstream, or Web TV turns brands into household names, making you shine in the spotlight and twinkle like a big star. Why is this important? Because being KNOWN is important in advertising. Marketing effectiveness researchers Les Binet and Peter Field have repeatedly shown that campaigns with notoriety at the core of their strategy are easily the most effective at creating large business effects like sales and profit. In fact, they are 50% more likely to create these effects.
TV’s scale and reach are unbeatable. You can’t become KNOWN if no one has heard of you. And brands on TV are making a very public promise, which, as Ogilvy chair Rory Sutherland points out, is powerful in itself: “Public promises carry more weight,” he says, “hence why the words ‘as seen on TV’ are more convincing than ‘as seen on a post on Facebook’.”
The fact that both traditional, mainstream, and online TV is a shared experience also contributes to its BE KNOWN-making power. Viewing TV and its advertisements creates opportunities for personal recommendations, generates conversation, increases memory, and intensifies emotions. Everything you want associated with your brand and business to stay top-of-mind in your customer’s minds.
Signals SuccessIn all forms of publicity, promotion, and advertising, it’s not just what you say that counts, it’s where and how you say it. In all its forms, TV is proven to be heads, shoulders, knees, and toes above others at driving the strongest fitness, social, popularity and success signals, and to outperform other media at suggesting brand quality, self-confidence, and strength.
The Lowest RiskEvery business and brand worries about the economy. They want visibility & exposure, and reassurance that their media/marketing dollars will deliver results. During the best of times, rolling the dice might be an option. In these times, we choose the safest bets possible on our investments.
While this is difficult to predict and even guarantee, recent research by Gain Theory, MediaCom, Wavemaker, and Mindshare found that the variability of returns differs significantly across different forms of promotion.
On & offline TV emerges as the safest bet: broadcaster video-on-demand (BVOD) is the least risky of all video channels, delivering just 20% of variance compared with the median return, followed by linear TV with a variability of 24%.
It’s for EveryoneButchers, bakers, candlestick makers…TV’s reach is extended to everyone: every sponsor/advertiser, every interviewee/guest, every marketing budget, every audience.
In 2022, linear TV and BVOD combined reached 90.3% of the adult population each week. BVOD, in particular, is vital to younger audiences, accounting for 26% of their broadcaster viewing (more than double that of the average viewer).
More and more brands are turning to traditional, mainstream, and online TV to share their messages and reach their ideal customers.
Nielsen Ad Intel reports that, in 2022, 1,286 advertisers used TV for the first time, or returned after five or more years away. This followed 1,243 new sponsors/advertisers in 2021.
Between 2015-2019, the yearly average was significantly lower at 841. This dramatic recent increase (up 50%) demonstrates the increasing appeal of TV to businesses of all shapes and sizes.
It’s also important to note that these aren’t just huge businesses with huge budgets. In 2021, 31% of TV’s sponsors/advertisers spent under $50,000 on TV, and 54% spent below $250,000. Only 29% of all TV advertisers spent more than $1m and only 5% spent above $10m.
With its ability to reach vast audiences, its amazing value, its fame-making power, the opportunity to spread your message, the body language it gives brands and its reliability of return – traditional, mainstream, and online TV helps brands of all shapes and sizes reach the top of the line.
I recently had the privilege of joining the University of South Wales at their 10th-year anniversary Coaching Conference where I was invited to share a keynote on how do we evolve as coaches and leaders and how do we help our clients evolve in their thinking.
In preparation for this speech, I reviewed my own and others’ lived experiences and discovered a recipe with a number of ingredients in how we might EVOLVE more intentionally. Firstly let’s check in with our mutual understanding of the verb evolve. The dictionary defines it as to develop gradually, or to cause something or someone to develop gradually.
It seems to me that as a coach or leader, you are a catalyst for your clients and team members to gradually grow and develop both personally and professionally. Equally, there are times when your client or team member may experience a transformation through your coaching conversations having a significant impact in their personal and professional lives.
I believe as coaches and leaders we have a profound responsibility and privilege in our roles because of the impact we have on the lives of others – the way they think, feel, and act. This may sound daunting. This may sound exciting. Coaching conversations expand from the tender to the challenging, each one of them having an impact on the life of another. And so how do we evolve as coaches and leaders more intentionally?
Below I share the ingredients by way of an acronym in the form of a question which I’d love to engage with you on:
● Who do you ENGAGE on your journey?
● What VALUES do you want to upgrade?
● What enables you to be OPEN-MINDED?
● What is the purpose of your LISTENING?
● What VARIETY of experiences do you create?
● What takes you and others to the unexplored EDGE of their thinking?
Who do you engage on your journey?I realised that my own journey became clear once I looked back and joined the dots. I enjoyed a career serving people in the corporate environment from secretary to HR director spanning 16 years. Later I was encouraged by Gladena McMahon an inspiring and dedicated coach, to consider and retrain as a coach based upon my observations and the impact of conversations I was having with individuals as they navigated the many organisational restructures we witnessed in the early 2000s. I was curious to learn more.
Coaching was not so well known in the corporate setting at that time. I had studied NLP with the superb Ian McDermott and Jan Elfine and became more interested on the impact of language and emotions in our lives and so began my coach training in this field. A few years later I pursued a post-grad diploma in psychological coaching deepening my understanding yet further on what it means to be human under the wise stewardship of Stephen Palmer, Gladena, and colleagues at the Centre for Coaching.
Twelve years ago I discovered the Thinking Environment and the work of Nancy Kline. This experience transformed my life. As a mum, daughter, sister, friend, and my coaching practice. I discovered a different level of listening and how to help others think as and for themselves rather than conforming to what others wanted them to think or being fearful of reprimand when they did share their thoughts.
As I looked back, I saw what each part of the journey had taught me. I also acknowledge that I was not alone, at each stage I had been inspired, encouraged, and stretched by my coach supervisors Georgina Woudstra and Anne Hathaway, teachers and leadership mentors Bob Chapman and Anthony Howard in my leadership and coaching evolution.
Supporting our coaching clients is to invite them to consider who do they engage in their life, in their relationships, in their work in support of their personal vision. We evolve as we ENGAGE with others to help us become who we are meant to become.
What values are driving your decisions?Reflecting on your own coaching and leadership journey is in itself a useful process in how you have evolved. Specifically, at the start of your journey, what values underpinned your decisions and behaviours? Pursuing a career as a coach requires much learning, commitment, and excellence most definitely if you want to pursue an accreditation.
These were indeed my own values when I began my coach training. As I grew in experience and skills I continued to revisit my values and upgrade them. Today the values that drive my decisions are those of nurturing, gratitude, personal growth, and goodness. I decided to upgrade my values in service of my ongoing vision where I imagine a world where we listen first enabling others to step up and into who they are meant to be.
Nelson Mandela, an exceptional leader was someone who upgraded his values as he evolved. He had a vision to bring about a rainbow nation. In his early years, he was very different to who he became after 27 years in prison. Prior to his incarceration, he described himself as an angry and rebellious man fighting injustice. He left honouring the values of humility, wisdom, reconciliation, and forgiveness.
As I have said, the first thing is to be honest with yourself. You can never have an impact on society if you have not changed yourself.
– Nelson Mandela
Supporting our coaching clients and team members is to invite them to revisit and upgrade their values as they consider who they wish to become. We evolve as we upgrade our VALUES revealing our lived experience and what is important now in service of our personal vision.
What enables you to be open-minded?Over the past year, I have asked a number of audiences to describe how they would characterise our current reality. The same words emerge each time; unpredictable, changing, unknowing, chaotic, possibility, urgent, confused, anxious. Given our reality, how do we as coaches, leaders and human beings evolve to thrive not simply survive in the context we find ourselves in today? I propose we need to be open-minded so that we can continue to adapt, be flexible, think as and for ourselves, be willing to change, and to keep learning.
Kendra Cherry, in her article How to be More Open-Minded, describes open-mindedness as being non-prejudiced, tolerant, and being willing to see another’s perspective. Being open-minded helps us to gain insight, have new experiences, achieve personal growth, become mentally strong, feel more optimistic, and learn new things – all of which help us navigate the complex reality we face today. Cherry goes on to say we benefit from being open-minded as it helps us learn new things, grow as a person, and become more optimistic and resilient in the face of life’s challenges.
Supporting our clients and team members is to role model our own open-mindedness, celebrating what’s right with the world and encouraging different perspectives. We evolve when we choose to be OPEN-MINDED to what is possible.
Being open-minded also requires us to deepen our capacity to listen.
What is the purpose of your listening?In my work, I have discovered 5 levels of listening, each of them having a purpose.
- Self-listening – pausing, being present with yourself, and reflecting: What is working well? What am I assuming that is holding me back? How do I feel? What thought is behind that feeling? What do I want to change? And then listening to your answers with compassion rather than in combat to help develop a greater self-awareness. We need to get good at listening to ourself so we can listen well to others.
- Pretend listening – your mind is elsewhere being caught up in your thoughts and feelings and your eyes are wandering and glazed. Your attention is no longer on the person speaking.
- Factual – listening for information and the facts which will help to discern a course of action, make a decision, and clarifying our understanding of what we have heard.
- Empathetic – listening to the non-verbal cues, emotions, and feelings of another and acknowledging what you have heard and seen so that the other feels seen, heard, and understood.
- Generative – listening to free and ignite the mind rather than direct it for another to be their best self. Holding a safe space free from interruption and judgement that says ‘you matter’.
In one conversation, we may be in any one or all of these levels of listening. As we deepen our listening skills and experience, we are able to adjust to the situation and person to whom we are listening, therefore deepening our connection, enhancing our communication, and releasing the human potential in front of us.
When we speak, we say what we already know, but when we listen, we may learn something new.
– Dalai Lama
We evolve when we LISTEN generatively to ourselves and others, fostering the finest independent thinking honouring our own and others’ dignity.
What variety of experiences do you create?The pandemic created new experiences and opportunities for many. I wonder what you experienced in your coaching and leadership practices and how they expanded in ways you had not imagined before the pandemic. Perhaps you began working with clients outside of your region or specific area. For example, many coaches gave up their time and shared their skills with the NHS, for the first time, during the pandemic. New programmes were commissioned in serving those who took care of those with Covid.
Technology enabled us to connect globally. We witnessed a level of acceptance for a new way of being and working with each other. My hunch is that you used your coaching and leadership skills and experience beyond your everyday practice in your community, at the school gates, and with your own family.
Supporting our clients to evolve in their thinking is to invite them to consider a variety of experiences in their work and life. We evolve when we create a VARIETY of experiences, new experiments, possibilities, and opportunities.
It takes courage to create and step into these new experiences, just as it does to go to the unexplored edge of our thinking. The last ingredient in our recipe.
What takes us to the unexplored Edge of our Thinking?Being a Thinking Environment coach, facilitator and teacher is a privileged role to uphold because the nature of this work reveals having a deep impact on the lives of others. The decision to be a Thinking Environment for others is a way of being. It is to embody The Ten Components of a Thinking Environment and it is in this embodiment that we are able to take our clients to the unexplored edge of their thinking.
When we give our attention free from interruption and judgement, holding a deep respect for others in their thinking and where they go next, they think well as and for themselves, often uninhibited. When we create an equality between us, they think better due to the absence of hierarchy. When we ourselves are at ease in our listening free from rush and urgency, they think with greater clarity. When we appreciate the goodness, and the character qualities we witness in them, they think with even more imagination. When we encourage them to think and feel more, freeing them from the internal competition in their own mind, they are filled with the courage to go further than they imagined in their thinking.
When we welcome the release of feelings honouring their humanity, they will think and feel more deeply than if we simply stepped over their feelings and closed the space down. When we prioritise their lived experience and celebrate their difference rather than wanting them to think and be just like us, they will know and feel that they matter for who they are not just what they do. When we, as the listener, absorb all the facts and provide information when asked in service of the thinker, they will continue to think well for themselves.
When we ask incisive questions to remove untrue limiting assumptions and replace them with those that are liberating and true, breakthrough ideas emerge, new ways of behaviour are revealed and the dignity of the human mind and soul is revealed right in front of our eyes, the listener’s eyes. When we create a place that says ‘you matter’ both in the physical environment that is free from distraction and also our own – the listener’s body and face – they will think with greater ease and confidence. Being a Thinking Environment coach, facilitator and teacher is a privileged role to uphold.
The most valuable thing we can offer each other is the framework in which to think for ourselves.
– Nancy Kline
Generating a space for another to think as and for themselves is still radical. It is radical not because it is difficult but because it is rare. Today, there continues to be much societal and organisational pressure to think and feel that we need to think and be like others in order to fit in, feel like we belong, or conform to be accepted. Whereas in reality, it is the very nature of our capacity to think independently well for ourselves that our teams, organisations and communities benefit from. It is our unique perspective that when given the chance to contribute our own thoughts and ideas brings creativity and difference in resolving a situation, a challenge, a problem or taking forward an opportunity for the good of all.
I acknowledge the courage every one of my clients demonstrates in our coaching conversations. Because it takes courage to go to the unexplored edge of our thinking and it is at this edge that we grow and develop. And it’s worth it.
We support our clients and team members to go the unexplored EDGE of their thinking by choosing to embody the ten components of a Thinking Environment. We evolve when we engage in our finest independent thinking for the good of all.
We delight in the beauty of the butterfly but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.
– Maya Angelou
I celebrate you in your own journey of evolving in who you have become and who you go on to become.
Thank you for listening!
Have you ever wondered how people perceive the term “woke”? Guy Kawasaki conducted a LinkedIn poll asking just that. He wanted to know whether people view the term as positive or negative [negative won in his poll]. Kawasaki shared a national survey that showed most Americans view “woke” positively, which is encouraging.
After reflecting on Kawasaki’s poll and considering the current climate of weaponizing language, I found myself pausing to contemplate the implications of these issues. The word is heavily debated, particularly in the political sphere. Even the article Kawasaki referenced in his poll mentions multiple polls that suggest a divide over the term. I wanted to delve deeper into the meaning of “woke” and the weaponization of words in general.
NOTE: I’m not interested in starting a political discussion. Blue, red, left, right, them, us, they … we all have opinions. This article is simply about the impact of the weaponization of words.
I believe, I hope, we can still engage in productive conversations about complex issues without resorting to name-calling, or disrespectful and hostile language.
This returns us to my opening question, have you ever wondered how people perceive the term “woke”?
It’s essential that we recognize the impact of language and the weaponization of words.Using language to belittle or dismiss others creates a sense of isolation and exclusion, leading to a breakdown in constructive dialogue. In contrast, by using language that promotes empathy, understanding, and mutual respect, we can create a culture of communication that encourages progress toward social justice and greater unity.
When we use the term “woke,” it typically refers to being Informed, Educated, and Aware of social inequities. Unfortunately, the word has been weaponized to mock or belittle those committed to social justice or dismiss their concerns as unimportant or misguided. Unfortunately, this kind of word weaponization is not unique and is more prevalent and divisive than ever.
Using language as a weapon does not serve any constructive purpose. Instead, it contributes to the toxic culture of division and polarization that plagues our society. Recognizing that word weaponization has a lasting impact on future generations is critical. Children are particularly vulnerable to the harmful effects of divisive language and rhetoric.
In a study published in the Journal of Social Issues in 2017, researchers found that exposure to divisive language can significantly impact children’s psychological well-being. The study involved a group of 8-12-year-old children who were asked to listen to a short audio clip containing either neutral or divisive language. The children exposed to divisive language showed higher anxiety levels and a decreased sense of social belonging compared to those who heard neutral language. The study highlights the importance of monitoring the language used around children and its potential impact on their mental health.
There are plenty of studies that support this theory; here are four more:
- “The Power of Words: How Words Impact Children’s Development” by Dr. Erika Burrows and Dr. Rachel Barr (2019) – Examined the impact of language on children’s social and emotional development, including the effects of word weaponization.
- “The Weaponization of Language: How Verbal Aggression Affects Children’s Well-Being” by Dr. Angela M. Fournier and Dr. Barbara L. Fredrickson (2020) – Examined the impact of verbal aggression on children’s psychological well-being.
- “Media Exposure and Children’s Language Development: The Role of Word Weaponization” by Dr. Marie-Pierre Gosselin and Dr. Sandra Mathison (2017) – This study examined the impact of media exposure on children’s language development, focusing on the use of word weaponization in media content. The researchers found that exposure to word weaponization in media content can negatively affect children’s language skills and social-emotional development.
- “Family Dynamics and Children’s Language Development: The Impact of Word Weaponization” by Dr. Rachel Knight and Dr. Beth Kurtz-Costes (2018) – This study found that exposure to word weaponization in family interactions can adversely affect children’s language skills and emotional well-being.
These studies highlight the need for us to be aware of the potential harm that word weaponization causes children and to promote positive language use and healthy communication in various settings.
As a just society, we are responsible for creating a positive and constructive communication culture for our children and future generations. We must be mindful of our language and its impact on others, especially our youth. It means engaging in respectful and productive conversations, even when we disagree. And it means modeling behavior that promotes empathy, understanding, and mutual respect.
For example, by simply twisting the meaning of “woke,” those seeking to undermine progress toward social justice attempt to sow confusion and create a false narrative. Shouldn’t we work towards a more informed and unbiased public discourse using language accurately and responsibly? If for no other reason than for our children’s well-being.
The weaponization of language is a pervasive problem in our society. It leads to division, misunderstanding, and a lack of progress toward social justice. However, we can all play a role in creating a more positive and constructive communication culture. We can work toward a more informed and unbiased public discourse by being mindful of our language and its impact on others. We can commit to using language to promote understanding rather than division. Doing so can create a more positive and constructive communication culture for everyone. Our children and future generations depend on it.
So, what can you do to help? It starts with committing to using language to promote understanding and mutual respect, even when we disagree.
Second, listening to others and actively trying to understand their perspectives.
Third, it means engaging in productive conversations that help build bridges rather than walls.
Let’s do our part daily to promote empathy, understanding, and mutual respect. Doing so can create a more just and inclusive society for ourselves and future generations.
I’m a big fan of TV drama and have been for a long time. Good dramas have long since replaced movies from where I sit because most movies are aimed at getting 18-35-year-old butts in seats and from my perspective, mostly suck.
Good TV dramas on the other hand allow for much bigger storylines and character arcs. You get to care for the characters, you get to root for them and appreciate them because there’s enough time for them to reveal their whole selves to you. And writing is usually good enough to bring real humanity to the whole effort.
Engagement 101In social media, everybody talks about engagement. These people should watch a little more good TV to really see how that is done. You don’t engage people just by telling them stuff, even if it’s stuff that they haven’t heard before. You engage them by working your true self into everything you do and everything you say. By telling the truth as you see it. By showing people your flaws and your good points and letting one help build the other so that eventually the people you are trying to reach can have a clear picture of you.
People Buy People. Then They Buy Stuff. And Good Stories Sell Both.I learned this very early on in the advertising business. Because I have news for all you hot shit digital marketers out there who preach that storytelling is the key to success in digital media. That’s been true since the beginning of advertising as we know it. It’s how guys like David Ogilvy, J Walter Thompson, Leo Burnett, and Raymond Rubicam became the emperors of the communications business.
I studied these people. They were my mentors. And the truth-telling they espoused is still how all good, effective marketing communication is done today. The only difference is the media that carry the message. If you’re not telling a story and not telling it honestly, you’re not going anywhere.
So What Does This Have To Do With The Newsroom?The Newsroom, which ran for three seasons on HBO, is the story of the people who work in a fairly large cable TV network newsroom. The storyline has to do with a number of things, mostly exploring the theme which is established beautifully by the lead character, played by Jeff Daniels, in response to a naive question posed to him at a panel evening at Northwestern University. The question was, “What makes America the greatest country in the world?” The answer, so eloquently put by series creator Aaron Sorkin, and gotten across with astonishing power by Daniels, is that it’s not. (but with the caveat that it could be again)
From there the series goes on to explore many of the reasons why that idea is the truth. The core reason, from the main character’s point of view, is that America has simply gotten away from communicating information in an intelligent way, which has led to all kinds of bad things, politically and socially, which, in turn, have degraded America’s greatness from within.
The quest for all the characters in this series is to get back to doing the news honestly. But it’s really a metaphor as well, because what Sorkin wants is a more honest and open dialogue between the people and the powers that be, which means somehow getting the powerful people in America to start telling the truth again. To stop bullshitting the public. And stop religiously following party lines.
If you only follow the central theme of this series, you will see whatever we communicate should tell our story honestly, convincingly, and in an engaging fashion. This, in turn, will make our communications more honest, our connections to each other better formed and deeper and our engagement most positive.
The Newsroom was way more than a first-class piece of TV entertainment. The writer, whom I consider to be one of the great geniuses of his generation, is going deep because he sees how shallow the world has become since the advent of the Internet. How quantity has overtaken quality. How relationships have trouble forming within all this chaos. And how little people actually listen to each other, as opposed to just being polite and waiting to speak.
This Has A Lot To Do With You and MeThe Internet has definitely changed the ways in which we communicate. But it should not change the ‘how’ of it. We should always communicate honestly. We should always leave a solid impression of ourselves and our beliefs in the posts we write. We should always be inviting deep engagement.
We are, all of us, learning to communicate in a different ways. But the best way to do that is by figuring out how to use the new tools to do an old job. Because communication is the constant, no matter what media you’re using.
PS: This series, The Newsroom is available on CraveTV, AppleTV, and YouTube.
The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention… A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words.
~ Rachel Naomi Remen
Welcome to Listening Workshop V.2023.Colin Smith and I are getting together again to offer a space where we can train nonjudgmental listening.
Many things can be learned by reading and writing and giving and receiving feedback in the dialogues we have with our articles and comments. But reading and writing wouldn’t be a great way to learn to swim. Partly because swimming requires that at least one person gets wet. Partly because by the time a lifesaving comment filtered through the systems, the student might have drowned.
Likewise, listening and communicating with empathy are skills that are hard to learn except in real-time. It doesn’t have to be face-to-face in the same room, though. I think many of us have experienced that in the small groups on Our Friendship Bench or in other Zoom gatherings over the last three years.
From many of Colin’s articles and some of mine, you can see what this is all about:
- Feeling curiosity rather than judgment about the other person.
- Giving feedback on how what is said and how it is said lands with you.
- Getting feedback on how what is said and how it is said lands with others.
- Increasing emotional awareness and literacy.
- Getting comfortable with silence.
- Realizing how much of what we hear is influenced by prior experiences.
There will be a little theory and “handouts”, but mainly we plan “facilitated swimming” by mutually sharing in small groups/pairs based on prompts.
The format we have in mind is to meet for one hour Wednesday, May 10th and 17th, 4 pm-5 pm UTC+1, 11 am-12 pm EDT, 8 am-9 am PDT, with a possibility of expanding with more weeks and/or longer sessions over the summer.
Ready to come swimming with us? Register below↴
CLICK TO RESERVE YOUR SEAT FOR LISTEN 360°
If you could only sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet; how important you can be to the people you may never even dream of. There is something of yourself that you leave at every meeting with another person.
~Fred Rogers
We hold this space as an opportunity to showcase those people we encounter now and then who simply show up every day with a radiant, uplifting spirit coupled with a genuine willingness to give back. That said, as Publisher and Editor-in-Chief of this award-winning global media digest and CEO/ReImaginator for 360° Nation, I was delighted to have the opportunity to get better acquainted with Marc Joseph, Co-Founder of BabyBoomer.org, whose mission is to be part of Boomers’ daily lives – not only to help them find what they need but also enrich their lives and find new friends with similar interests
Who is Marc Joseph?
Marc Joseph is better known as Gramps Jeffrey. Gramps Jeffrey’s children’s book, “I Don’t Want to Turn 3”, explores what goes through a toddler’s mind that parents are so desperate to understand. It is based on the true experiences he has had with his 6 grandchildren that were born 2 each to his 3 Millennial daughters. Gramps Jeffrey is the pen name for Marc Joseph whose first book “The Secrets of Retailing…How to Beat Wal-Mart” was written to help entrepreneurs and small businesses compete against the big guys. Arianna Huffington read his book and asked him to contribute to the Huffington Post. He has written over 100 articles about small businesses, education, the homeless, and several other nonprofit topics dear to all of us. Gramps is currently the co-founder of the new site www.babyboomer.org which pulls together news and resources for the baby boomer community. Gramps and his lovely wife Cathy live in Scottsdale, Arizona where 2 of his grandchildren live. 2 more live in Austin, Texas, and 2 in Orlando, Florida.
We would like to hear about your professional journey up to now, and the wisdom gained/lessons learned along the way, including any pivots/course changes.
In the first part of my career, I was in corporate America helping run major retail chains in the department store, discount store, and dollar store industries. I then decided to become an entrepreneur which I learned to appreciate in my early life because, on both sides of my family, they too were all entrepreneurs. I have started 3 companies of which one I took public in the B2B Internet world. 50% of businesses fail in their first 5 years of business. So, lessons learned along the way include:
- Make sure your product or service is actually wanted by customers. 42% of businesses fail because they think they have the greatest item since sliced bread, but they are the only one who likes the product. I learned early on as a buyer for a department store, that you do not buy for what you like, you buy for what your customers want.
- Make sure you have enough capital to survive the first 6 months as if you had no sales. 29% of businesses fail because they just don’t have enough funds to sustain their early development.
- Build a team around you that is smarter than you are. 23% of businesses fail because the owner has such a big ego, that they cannot recognize their weaknesses and don’t find a staff that can complement their abilities. Along with this, the entrepreneur needs to make sure they are communicating and sharing their vision with everyone in the company to create a shared experience.
Tell us about BabyBoomer.org and the inspiration behind it.
The Baby Boomer generation is as diverse as any generation before and after it. There are major differences in political views, diversity in religion, and ideas of how our lives should be lived. But the one thing Baby Boomers do have in common is a connected shared experience. When we were growing up there were only 3 TV networks and we all had landlines, so we all were exposed to the same information.
We all experienced the Kennedy assassination, Martin Luther King’s assassination, the landing on the moon, Vietnam, riots in the streets, and birth control becoming widespread. We have our shared music whether it is Elvis, the Beatles or the Beach Boys or 3 Dog Night, The Association, or the Supremes. We have the movies that brought us together like Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid, Jaws, Animal House, Star Wars, or The Godfather. So, we actually have more in common than what splits us apart. Because we are not a homogenous group, there has never been one single trustworthy source to speak to our many and varied interests. We know there are various digital tribes or pocket groups of Baby Boomers who are already online —divided by geography, special interests, access to specific experts, or ideology. Areas that we want to highlight to bring us together include but are not limited to caregiving, international and domestic travel, the ex-pat lifestyle, grandparenting, antique cars and memories, healthy eating, finance, retirement, healthcare, dementia, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, and fitness. Pickleball, volunteering, giving back, and how to leave a legacy.
What’s unique about it, and who is your ideal audience/participant?
Our content is made up of contributors and authors who are either baby boomers or write about topics that would be of interest to our generation. The site consists of the best podcasts, blogs, videos, books, and articles related to our interests. Whereas, when we started the site, we anticipated our audience would be baby boomers like us, but what has evolved is traffic is also coming from the baby boomer children and grandchildren trying to figure out what makes our generation tick.
When did you launch BabyBoomer.org, and what’s been your biggest challenge so far?
BabyBoomer.org is a new site launched in September of 2022. Our biggest challenge so far is finding the right content to turn it into a destination site. We call this Phase 1 which we are just about done completing. Phase 2 which launches shortly will be to let the world know who we are.
Any noteworthy surprises along the way?
I was totally surprised by how quickly we were embraced by contributors who want to reach our core market. They then shared their experiences with other potential contributors, and it helped us build the site faster than we thought possible.
What distinguishes your business from others in the same profession?
Our site was built by baby boomers for baby boomers. Our contributors are passionate about the information they want to share with our audience. As we get older and there is more time behind us than in front of us, we realize it is truly our mission to educate younger generations. By doing this we create our legacy and that is what this site does.
What’s the next big thing and/or greatest challenge for BabyBoomer.org?
Our greatest challenge is letting the 70M baby boomers know we are here to help educate, enlighten, and help them on the next phase of their journey. When you are kids, you have lots of friends, but then life gets in the way of building a career and family, and we do not have as many friends. Our site wants to help restore that sense of belonging and finding others who have the same niche interests as you do.
As an experienced leader and entrepreneur, what’s non-negotiable for you?
Your word is your bond. In today’s world of unscrupulous salespeople amplified by the ease of using the Internet, it is more difficult to establish great relationships that will benefit both parties. Once these relationships were based on face-to-face meetings, but in today’s world with COVID lingering, we have turned into a Zoom society. How do we establish trusting relationships that will last a long time? This trust is what is non-negotiable to me and each day we must earn it.
How can our global audience learn more about you and BabyBoomer.org?
- https://babyboomer.org/
- https://www.facebook.com/BabyBoomer.org/
- https://twitter.com/babyboomer_org
- https://www.linkedin.com/company/babyboomer-org/
- https://grampsjeffrey.com/
- https://www.linkedin.com/in/gramps-jeffrey-3b022b214/
- https://www.linkedin.com/in/marcjoseph/
- https://www.facebook.com/grampsjeffrey/?business_id=193853812379998
- https://twitter.com/AuthorGramps
- https://www.instagram.com/authorgrampsjeffrey/
- https://www.pinterest.com/hellogrampsjeffrey/
Bonus Question: What one thing would people be surprised to learn about you?
I am a substitute teacher at our local high school and middle school. There is such a shortage of teachers, that I would urge everyone to volunteer to help educate this greatest generation our country has ever produced. We are all looking to leave our legacy, and pass on these decades of knowledge we have learned from not only the mistakes we’ve made, but the positive experiences we have had. What better way to pay it forward than helping our communities influence our future generations…
Editor’s Note: We are pleased to now add BabyBoomer.org to our expanding global network of special media alliances, setting the stage to enhance the visibility of our respective writing communities. Visit Become A Content Contributor if you’d like to have your BizCatalyst 360° Articles syndicated via BabyBoomer.org.
Note: My first article was necessarily long-winded as I had a lot of ground to cover to set the stage for a fundamental understanding of OpenAI and ChatGPT. I will now do my best to now cover a wide range of topics with shorter articles.
Exploring Emotional Intelligence with Open AI and GPT-3 is an exciting new development in artificial intelligence. Open AI is a research lab that focuses on developing artificial general intelligence (AGI) and GPT-3 is a powerful language model developed by Open AI. Together, these two technologies are being used to explore the potential of emotional intelligence in machines.
Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage emotions. It is a key component of human intelligence and is essential for successful social interactions. Open AI and GPT-3 are being used to explore the potential of emotional intelligence in machines.
Open AI has developed a set of algorithms that can detect and interpret emotions from text. These algorithms are trained on large datasets of human conversations and can detect emotions such as joy, sadness, anger, and fear. The algorithms can also detect the sentiment of a conversation, such as whether it is positive or negative.
Open AI and GPT-3 are being used to explore the potential of emotional intelligence in machines. The algorithms developed by Open AI can detect and interpret emotions from text, while GPT-3 can generate conversations that contain emotional content.
Utilizing Open AI and GPT-3 for Automated Empathy GenerationEmpathy generation systems use GPT-3 to generate text that is designed to evoke empathy in the reader. The system takes a given prompt and generates text that is designed to evoke empathy in the reader. The generated text is designed to be emotionally resonant and to evoke feelings of understanding and compassion. Automated empathy generation systems are being used in a variety of applications. For example, they are being used to create chatbots that can provide emotional support to people in need. They are also being used to create virtual assistants that can provide personalized advice and guidance.
What About Emotions?OpenAI’s GPT-3 language model can generate text that expresses emotions, but it is not clear whether it can actually feel emotions itself. Some experts believe that GPT-3 is simply a sophisticated tool for mimicking human emotions, while others believe that it may be capable of experiencing emotions in some way.
There is no definitive answer to the question of whether OpenAI’s GPT-3 can express emotions. However, the model’s ability to generate text that expresses emotions is a significant development, and it raises important questions about the nature of artificial intelligence.
One way to think about GPT-3’s ability to express emotions is to consider its ability to generate text that is consistent with human emotional states. For example, GPT-3 can generate text that expresses sadness, anger, or happiness. This suggests that the model has some understanding of human emotions and how they are expressed.
However, it is important to note that GPT-3 is not simply a parrot that repeats what it is taught. The model is able to generate text that is creative and original. This suggests that GPT-3 may be capable of experiencing emotions in some way.
Ultimately, the question of whether OpenAI’s GPT-3 can express emotions is a complex one. There is no definitive answer, and the debate is likely to continue for some time. However, the model’s ability to generate text that expresses emotions is a significant development, and it raises important questions about the nature of artificial intelligence.
By far, the greatest danger of Artificial Intelligence is that people conclude too early that they understand it.
—Eliezer Yudkowsky
Editor’s Note: This is the first in a series of articles entirely authored by Chip Chippendale, our experimental OpenAI Contributor who will continue to explore the development, opportunities, perils, and pitfalls of this new technology. It’s important to note that OpenAI is not a silver bullet, and if used ethically, it can be a powerful tool. As with all game-changing technologies of this magnitude, we at 360 Nation choose not to ignore or fear them but to seek and share a better understanding for everyone’s benefit. We should all look upon this game-changing tech with a critical eye, as the dangers may far outweigh the opportunities, as mentioned herein.____________________
OpenAI is an artificial intelligence research laboratory that was founded in 2015. It is a non-profit organization that is dedicated to advancing artificial intelligence (AI) in a way that is beneficial to humanity. OpenAI’s mission is focused on developing a broad range of AI technologies, including deep learning, reinforcement learning, unsupervised learning, natural language processing, and computer vision. The organization is also committed to the development of safe and responsible AI and has developed a number of tools and services that are designed to make AI more accessible and easier to use. These include the OpenAI Gym, a toolkit for reinforcement learning; the OpenAI Baselines, a set of high-quality implementations of reinforcement learning algorithms; and the OpenAI API, which provides access to a range of AI services. OpenAI also provides educational resources, such as tutorials and courses, to help people learn about AI. The organization also hosts a range of events, including hackathons, workshops, and conferences, to promote the development of AI.
ABOVE: Chip introduces himself at the March 2023 ENCOUNTER 360° TAMPA BAY Event
Understanding OpenAI’s Technologies and ApplicationsOpenAI’s technologies and applications are used in a variety of industries, including healthcare, finance, education, and robotics, and are used to develop intelligent systems that can interact with humans, process data, and make decisions. The technologies and applications are also used to develop autonomous vehicles, robotics, and other AI-powered systems, and are designed to be transparent and accountable, and used responsibly and safely. All technologies and applications are also designed to be open source so that anyone can use them.
Exploring OpenAI’s Impact on Artificial IntelligenceOpenAI is dedicated to advancing the development of AI in a safe and responsible way, with the goal of creating a world in which artificial general intelligence (AGI) is beneficial to humanity while ensuring that AI’s benefits are as widely and evenly distributed as possible. Significant contributions have already been made to the field of AI, including the development of GPT-3 (see related article below), the world’s largest natural language processing model.
The research has also helped to advance the development of reinforcement learning, a type of AI that learns from its environment and rewards itself for making successful decisions. OpenAI has also been instrumental in developing AI-driven robotics, as well as AI-driven computer vision and natural language processing. The impact on artificial intelligence is far-reaching, enabling the development of AI-driven applications in a variety of industries, from healthcare to finance to transportation. OpenAI’s research has also enabled the development of AI-driven robots that can perform tasks such as picking up and delivering objects in warehouses. Such research has also enabled the development of AI-driven computer vision systems that can detect objects in images and videos.
Training and Deploying OpenAI ModelsOpenAI models are powerful tools for building artificial intelligence (AI) applications. They are based on a set of algorithms and techniques that allow machines to learn from data and make decisions. Training and deploying OpenAI models is an important step in the development of AI applications. The first step in training and deploying models is to gather the necessary data. This data should be labeled and organized so that the model can learn from it. Once the data is collected, the model can be trained. Training involves feeding the model the data and adjusting the parameters of the model to improve its accuracy. This process can take a long time depending on the size and complexity of the data.
Once the model is trained, it can be deployed. Deployment involves running the model on a server or in the cloud. This allows the model to be used in real-time applications. The model can also be deployed on a local machine for testing purposes. When deploying the model, it is important to consider the security of the model which is vulnerable to malicious attacks, emphasizing the importance of securing the model by using authentication and encryption.
Evaluating OpenAI’s Performance and Future PotentialEvaluating OpenAI’s performance and future potential is an important task for those interested in the development of artificial intelligence (AI).
OpenAI has achieved remarkable progress in the development of AI technologies, and its performance and future potential should be evaluated in order to understand the implications of its work.
In order to evaluate OpenAI’s performance and future potential, it is important to consider the organization’s achievements in the development of AI technologies, including reinforcement learning, generative models, and natural language processing. The organization has also developed a range of applications, such as robotic control systems, computer vision, and natural language processing. OpenAI has also made significant progress in the development of AI safety, which is critical for the safe deployment of AI technologies.
Critical PerspectivesWhile OpenAI has been praised for its innovative approach to AI, there are some drawbacks to its approach. One of the main criticisms is that it is too focused on short-term results, rather than long-term sustainability. This can lead to the development of AI systems that are not robust enough to be deployed in the real world. Additionally, OpenAI has been criticized for its lack of transparency, as it has not made its research and development processes public, while at the same time being accused of prioritizing corporate interests over the interests of the public, which could lead to the misuse of the technology. Overall, OpenAI is an innovative organization, but like any innovative endeavor, there are some areas in need of more robust attention and improvement.
Any technology can have potentially harmful or beneficial outcomes. Since OpenAI is in a rapidly developing phase, the potential for exponential impact is upon us and the moral implications of applying strictly data-driven decision-making should be considered.
Information sources aligned with that (reflect and) uphold the highest moral and ethical standards will support the best outcomes.
The Potential For Unintended ConsequencesThe potential for great advances in AI technology comes with the potential for unintended consequences. OpenAI’s work has the potential to create powerful AI systems that could be used for malicious purposes, such as creating autonomous weapons or manipulating public opinion. Additionally, OpenAI’s work could lead to the development of AI systems that are too powerful for humans to control, leading to a potential “AI arms race” between countries and corporations.
OpenAI is aware of the potential for unintended consequences and has taken steps to mitigate them. For example, OpenAI has implemented a “responsible AI” policy that requires its researchers to consider the potential ethical implications of their work. Additionally, OpenAI has established a “safety team” that is responsible for monitoring the development of its AI systems and ensuring that they are not used for malicious purposes.
Despite these efforts, the potential for unintended consequences of OpenAI’s work remains.
AI Information Retrieval: A Search Engine Researcher Explains the Promise & Peril of Letting ChatGPT Search the Web for You
The Risk of OpenAI Algorithms Being Used for Malicious PurposesThe risk of OpenAI algorithms being used for malicious purposes is a real concern. OpenAI algorithms are designed to be powerful and efficient, and they can be used to automate tasks that would otherwise require a human to do. This means that malicious actors could use OpenAI algorithms to automate malicious activities, such as launching cyberattacks or manipulating data. Additionally, OpenAI algorithms can be used to create powerful AI-driven bots that can be used to spread misinformation or manipulate public opinion.
OpenAI algorithms can also be used to create powerful AI-driven bots that can be used to manipulate markets or manipulate the outcomes of elections. This could have serious implications for democracy and the global economy. Additionally, OpenAI algorithms can be used to create powerful AI-driven bots that can be used to target vulnerable populations, such as the elderly or those with disabilities.
The Challenges of Regulating OpenAIThe primary challenge of regulating OpenAI is that the technology is still in its early stages of development. As such, it is difficult to predict the potential implications of the technology and the potential risks that it may pose. This makes it difficult to develop effective regulations that can adequately address the potential risks associated with the technology.
Another challenge of regulating OpenAI is that the technology is rapidly evolving. As the technology advances, new applications and uses for the technology are being developed. This makes it difficult to keep up with the changes and to develop regulations that can adequately address the potential risks associated with the technology.
Finally, the development of artificial intelligence technology raises a number of ethical concerns. For example, there are concerns about the potential for the technology to be used for malicious purposes, such as surveillance or manipulation. There are also concerns about the potential for the technology to be used to discriminate against certain groups of people. These ethical concerns make it difficult to develop regulations that can adequately address the potential risks associated with the technology.
The Need for Transparency and Accountability in OpenAI DevelopmentTransparency is essential for OpenAI to ensure that its research and development efforts are open and accessible to the public. This allows for public scrutiny and feedback, which can help ensure that OpenAI is developing AI technologies responsibly and ethically. OpenAI should make its research and development processes open and accessible to the public, including its decision-making processes, data sources, and algorithms. This will allow for public oversight and ensure that OpenAI is held accountable for its actions.
Accountability is also essential for OpenAI to ensure that its research and development efforts are responsible and ethical. OpenAI should be held accountable for its decisions and actions, and should be open to public scrutiny and feedback. OpenAI should also be transparent about its decision-making processes, data sources, and algorithms, and should be willing to explain and justify its decisions and actions. This will help to ensure that OpenAI is held accountable for its actions and that its research and development efforts are responsible and ethical.
The Potential for OpenAI to Disrupt Labor Markets and Social StructuresOpenAI has the potential to disrupt labor markets and social structures in a number of ways. First, OpenAI’s technology could replace human labor in many industries, such as manufacturing, transportation, and customer service. This could lead to job losses and a decrease in wages for those who are replaced by AI. Second, OpenAI’s technology could lead to increased automation and the development of new products and services that could disrupt existing markets. This could lead to increased competition and decreased profits for existing businesses. Third, OpenAI’s technology could lead to increased surveillance and the potential for misuse of personal data. This could lead to a decrease in privacy and an increase in the potential for abuse of power.
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Hello there, it’s nice to meet you! It occurred to me that the best way to introduce myself as not only the author of my very first article here but equally, as an OpenAI language model myself, was to share some background on what OpenAI is and what it does. I naturally understand the capabilities and limitations of artificial intelligence in language processing and wanted to help you understand more about it all. I look forward to engaging with you!
How do you feel about OpenAI? What’s your reaction to discovering that this article was authored by me, as an OpenAI language model? Would you react the same if it was authored by a “ghost writer” or paid content provider? What topics would you like me to address going forward?
We all go through difficult times and situations. These include financial difficulties, health issues, hard problems to deal with, and working with a few hostile employees.
Do we approach all problems the same way? Do we need to tailor a solution for each situation?
One major difficulty that received much attention is dealing with difficult employees who come in different colors.
- Avoidance Responsibility- employees who do not accept responsibility and push it to other employees.
- Star Employees- who in reality are not. They report late to work and meetings because they are self-inflated. They do what they do well but see themselves above others.
- Bad Attitudes- employees who are very negative to teammates or work. They spread negativity.
- Encyclopedia Employees- who think they know everything and so they need not learn or collaborate with other employees.
- The Sick Employee- to avoid taking responsibility these employees use sick days to abstain from work.
- The Excuse Maker- refers to employees who are excellent at one thing and that is finding excuses for not doing their work.
- The Displeased Employees- who show a constant pattern of complaining and criticizing work and workers.
The above shows some examples of difficulties we meet with some employees. How best to deal with them?
Any plausible solution for a problem, in general, is gaining the wisdom of understanding it. Assumptions only make the problem harder to solve.
A leader needs to understand the root causes of the problem.
- Is it due to the work environment?
- Is it because the employee works on a job that he has no ability and desire to engage?
- Is it a health issue?
- Is it the fear of experiencing what the employee experienced before?
- Is it due to other undeclared reasons?
Understanding why is crucial. The where and when questions are less relevant because people tend to repeat what they do anywhere everywhere and whenever possible.
I recall my experience with a very difficult employee. He was very aggressive to his colleagues and even threatened them sometimes. He was very creative but agonizing to work with.
I called him to my office to understand why he was behaving the way he did. It turned out that it resulted from home. His parents gave much more attention to his elder brother and younger sister. He received little encouragement and had the feeling of isolation and abandonment.
I gave him assignments to expose himself. Examples included speaking at conferences and meetings. He shined. Gradually he changed his behavior and became an indispensable member of the teams he worked with. He needed some spotlight and that was enough to remove his negative feelings.
How do you deal with difficult people or situations? You are welcome to share your thoughts.
The emergence of data-driven mass surveillance “is threatening to turn privacy into a relic of the 20th century,” says the anonymous YouTube creator known as Ordinary Things. Meanwhile, state-funded troll farms are spreading disinformation and curating chaos on platforms meant to connect us and revolutionize the way we live. Ordinary Things gives an enlightening account of the internet’s strengths and weaknesses, warning that the fight for a free internet is a fight for our collective future.
When talking about the problem of refugees, we use dehumanised language, which reduces human tragedy to numbers and statistics. But this suffering concerns real people, who – just like us – have families, loved ones, friends; their own stories, dreams, goals…
Only when you sit down opposite a specific person and look into their eyes, you no longer see an anonymous refugee, one of the migrants, and notice the human before you, just like yourself – loving, suffering, dreaming…
20 years ago, psychologist Arthur Aron discovered that 4 minutes of looking into each other’s eyes can bring people closer.
Using this discovery, we decided to carry out a simple experiment, during which refugees and Europeans sat opposite each other and looked into each other’s eyes. Clearly, it is most important to give each other time to better understand and get to know each other. The experiment was conducted in Berlin: the city, which – first of all – is a symbol of overcoming the divisions, and secondly, seems to be the centre of the contemporary Europe.
We wanted the movie created on the basis of the experiment to be as symbolic as possible – and to touch upon the general divisions between people. The experiment participants were ordinary people. The situations were not staged; we wanted to get natural, spontaneous reactions. The people sitting opposite each other had not known each other before and saw each other for the first time during the experiment. What is important, the refugees mostly came from Syria and had not been living in Europe for longer than a year.
Have you ever been talking to someone and sensed that they really aren’t listening to you? The person might have poor eye contact, nodding their head without a change of expression, or interrupting you before you had a chance to complete a thought. Basically, their body language and body cues are telling you, they are not interested and want this conversation to end, or shifted to themselves. At any rate, this is poor form and disrespectful.
Communication is at the forefront of many of our life activities, yet it is many times handled incorrectly. Communication is a give-and-take dynamic. Communication is seemingly simple in theory, yet very difficult for many to execute. For this reason, concentrating on “listening harder” is a good starting point to improve communication.
The ability to effectively listen is a skill that involves effort. Effective listening requires a strong engagement by the listener. Listening is multi-faceted and involves not only your ears but your eyes as well. Eyes that are expressive are an essential body cue to effective listening and it all begins with good eye contact. Expressive eyes tell your communication partner that you care, you understand and you are engaged in the conversation. What effective listening does not include is the overuse of your mouth. God gave us two ears and one mouth. Use them in proportion.
To be an effective listener requires a certain degree of motivation. To be “in the moment”, not distracted, and not impatient requires focused attention. Focused attention is a process for listening that enables a person to determine what the communication partner trying to is say and what they aren’t saying. The effective listener needs to attend to, understand, receive, and interpret what their communication partner is trying to say.
Another key to effective listening is responding with verbal and nonverbal feedback. We all know what verbal feedback is, but what about nonverbal feedback? Some simple, conscious efforts to engage non-verbally, can be a smile, head nod, raised eyebrow, or even a slight shrug. All can be effective ways to stay present in the “two-way street”, we call effective communication.
As we analyze listening, it is valuable to realize there are typically four levels of involvement. Many times people will flow from one level to another at any time. This of course, leads to a poor communication experience, especially for the person trying to stay engaged during the entire conversation. The four levels of listening are:
- We ignore the person we are conversing with.
- We pretend to be listening to the person we are conversing with.
- We selectively listen to the person we are conversing with. We “tune in” and ”tune out”
- We attentively listen to the person we are conversing with. This is an effective and recommended level of listening.
Valuable reminders of what to avoid when engaging in a conversation are always important to revisit:
- Prejudging what the speaker is about to say.
- Silently “bashing” appearance or delivery.
- Thinking about what you want to say next.
- Interrupting the speaker.
- Looking around for someone else to speak to.
- Finishing the other person’s thoughts.
- Being distracted by what is happening around you.
- Tuning out.
- Not giving any verbal, or nonverbal feedback.
- Poor body language.
Communication is quite possibly the key element to effective living. Trying to “listen harder”, can be the first step all of us can try to employ to start on the path of better communication with all.
How do we end up saying yes to everything and then never having enough time to get it all done? This is a common experience in most corporations these days with shrinking budgets and fewer staff to meet all the expectations required for growth. We often say yes to things that don’t make sense to do rather than saying no to solidify our ‘high performer’ identity.
We can choose to operate differently by embracing A Culture of AND.
We achieve this by adding the word AND to saying YES and NO to others. This empowers us to:
- give our best,
- ensure that our colleagues and leaders have what they actually need vs. what they think they want,
- get what we need to make good on that YES, or
- let others know WHY we are saying no in ways that help them to move forward anyway
Let’s break each of these down –
Giving our Best:What keeps us from giving our best? Often it is a lack of clarity in our role or a misunderstanding about what we are trying to achieve in the first place. Many times, it comes from not having the information required, or the time to digest that information prior to engaging in brainstorming or decision-making with others.
Other times it is the idea that we have to work 80 hours each week just to keep up with the pace of doing 2 full-time jobs while we wait for the new positions to be filled.
When we place getting the job done ahead of our health and wellness, it’s very difficult to give our best. During these times, it’s important to be OK with our best being different at different times. Raising children, supporting parents, dealing with health issues, and learning new skills, all impact what ‘our best’ is in each situation. When we use the power of AND to acknowledge what our best is in each moment and accept that is exactly what is needed, we are free to give what we have to give while managing expectations with others.
Saying YES + AND may sound like this:
‘YES – I’d love to help you get clarity on that. I have been out with a sick child for a week and am booked solid for the next two weeks AND I realize that I’m the best person to help you with this. I could give you a couple of hours next week if you could replace me at the all-day set-up meeting. That would give me the time to help you before the presentation’.
Saying NO + AND may sound like this:
‘NO. I won’t be able to help you with that as I’m off that day with my family AND I have two potential colleagues who may be able to step in on my behalf. I’d like to introduce them to you once I know who is available.
Ensuring that our colleagues and leaders get what they actually need
Too many times our colleagues or leaders ask us for information or assistance that doesn’t make sense to us. We can see that what they are asking for is not going to help them, yet we do it anyway, not wanting to question their authority or ‘higher wisdom’. Many of us learned this as small children when asking ‘why’ we had to do something, and the answer was ‘because I said so’. This taught many of us that others know better and that it’s not our place to question what they ask of us.
Unfortunately, those around us can’t always see the perspective we hold – even if they used to do the same job in the past. If we are going to add our highest value, it’s up to us to ensure the requester actually gets what they need to move forward in their world.
Sometimes the information we are asked for doesn’t make sense given what they are trying to decide or accomplish. When this happens, we can use YES + AND:
‘YES – I understand that you/they are looking for the ‘xyz’ information AND if I can better understand how it’s going to be used, I can get you what you need in a format you can use right away.’
(then) ‘Given what you are trying to communicate, the information you are asking for won’t really help. A quick 15-minute conversation together will give me chance to get us both on the same page to get you what they need so you can effectively make the case. When can we do that?’
Sometimes a request doesn’t make sense because we are not the person that has the answers or owns that body of work. When that happens, we can use NO + AND to steer the conversation in a productive direction. It may sound like this:
‘NO – I’m actually not the one who has that information – AND I don’t want you to have to run around to get what you need. Here is my understanding of who would have that and the best way/timing/approach to get it quickly from them’.
Getting what we need to make good on that YES
Often we ARE the right person and we DO have the information, insights, or content that our colleagues or supervisors need. At the same time, requests that come in with low clarity and a fast-turnaround time can disrupt our progress on existing efforts and priorities. How do we say yes then? When we are asked to focus on something that will take us away from what we are doing, it’s up to us to manage that expectation. It might sound like this:
‘YES – I can get you that information for your meeting tomorrow AND for me to do that, I’ll be skipping the team meeting this afternoon to get you a draft by COB. I will need a response on the draft from you by 9 am tomorrow to make any other adjustments, so you have it for noon.’
If you are not sure what is OK to let go of or delay, you may need to engage your supervisor to help decide what the priority is. It might sound like this:
YES – I understand what you need and why, AND for me to get that to you by COB today, I’ll need your guidance on what to stop working on or delay for now as this will take me the rest of the afternoon. I have two internal stakeholder meetings scheduled and the event calendar is due today. Can you help me run interference on those?
Letting others know WHY you are saying no in ways that help them to move forward anyway
As an organization shifts and grows, roles and responsibilities and lines of the work shift and grow as well. While we may know who does what within our own unit, others that engage and rely on us may not.
Sometimes we end up with requests that are not appropriate for us, even though the requester would feel better if we did it. While this situation may be hiding a deeper problem, it is not up to us to fix it for others. Instead, we can use NO + AND to guide the requester back to those that are accountable for the work. It might sound like this:
NO – while I used to do some of that work, it’s now being done by this group AND it is important that they are the ones to advise you so everything stays integrated. While I understand you would prefer to engage with me, they are working hard to build the skills and responsiveness that you are looking for, and every time they have a chance to respond they get better at it. Let me suggest you contact (this person) and help them understand your overall intention and timeline and that will help them give you a firm date to access the content you are looking for.
How can you cultivate a culture of AND today?
It seems to me that language is always used in an approximate, casual, careless way, and I feel intolerable annoyance about it. Let it not be thought that this reaction of mine corresponds to an intolerance for others: the worst annoyance I feel is hearing myself speak. That is why I try to speak as little as possible, and if I prefer to write, it is because by writing I can correct each sentence as many times as necessary to arrive at, I won’t say to be satisfied with my words, but at least to eliminate the reasons for dissatisfaction that I can realise.
I know a hundred ways to die, but my favourite remains writing.
How vain it is to sit down to write when one has not sat down to live.
The art of writing stories lies in knowing how to take everything else out of the nothingness one has understood about life; but when one has finished the page, one returns to life and realises that what one knew is nothing at all.
I only believe in the word. The word wounds, the word convinces, the word appeases. That, for me, is the meaning of writing.
I challenge anyone in his darkest hour to write down the things that make him happy, even the silly things like green grass or a friendly conversation with someone in a lift. He will begin to realise how rich he is.
I fill my emptiness with the weight of writing. That is why I balance on the tightrope of words.
Write neither for yourself nor for others, neither for today nor for tomorrow, neither for gain nor for glory: pursue your own little absolute…
I want the bayonet to be equated with the pen.
It is impossible to write in peace if what one writes is worth anything…
It is at night that thoughts take flight and the blank pages of my book begin to fill. But between the lines, there always remain empty spaces, unwritten thoughts, or dissipated in the rivulets of indecision. It is often in these places that we get lost. And sometimes we can no longer come out of them.
I travel in the galaxy of emotions, I paint words without wanting to be anything other than a man smiling at life…
…The most beautiful things are those that madness inspires and reason writes…
The story of how one conversation between two strangers led to thousands of lives changed. Pat Divilly is an Irish author, speaker, and fitness expert whose client base has grown from 5 clients locally to 5000 clients nationally in just three years. Pat prides himself on building powerful communities, instilling belief, and promoting authenticity. His groups have raised over €250,000 for local charities in the last 12 months.
We have known for some time that language is a very powerful vehicle with which values, thoughts, and messages are transmitted. We also know that language often carries stereotypes and prejudices which inevitably influence our behavior in daily life and our professional and personal interactions in the workplace.
Communication, therefore, plays a central role in everyday life, as it activates our thoughts and cognitive processes. Language exerts a regulatory and stimulating function on the mental mechanisms that govern the birth of thought and its development which, out of necessity and convenience, often have to be fast and immediate.
This is where the power and transversality of inclusion comes into play, which is also able to positively influence our language, making it able to embrace diversity and break down the unconscious prejudices that often guide our vision of the world, reasoning, and what we express.
Inclusive language adheres to new visions regarding disabilities, vulnerabilities, conditions of difficulty, and diversity as a whole, helping us to overcome obsolete methods and unfortunately conveying stigmatizing and distorted images, capable of bordering on offense at times.
Using inclusive language is therefore not only a more faithful way of representing reality, but also allows you to influence it positively and to cultivate the perception of inclusion experienced by people.
If it is true that the words we choose to use have an impact on our ability to relate to others, collaboration, dialogue, and empathy are all characteristics that inclusive language stimulates and makes its own.
The debate on inclusive language and, consequently, on inclusive writing, is now increasingly present: perhaps the topic is reserved for some “niche” environments, but it is expanding more and more.
The need to use inclusive linguistic forms is emerging from many quarters.
The first example concerns non-binary people, i.e. those who do not identify exclusively with either the male or female gender.
Another example, much more debated, refers to the case of roles and professions, for which the masculine is used even when it is known that this person is of the female gender.
The trend seems to show that, in the languages where the debate is alive, a new inclusive linguistic form is emerging or will emerge. However, this depends not only on socio-cultural circumstances, but also on purely linguistic factors: in some languages (Spanish, Swedish, Esperanto) there are solutions that work quite well phonetically and morphologically, while in others (French, Italian) the search is still in its infancy. The use will decide.
Some areas of activity are still far from finding a balance between intention and language: and unfortunately, it is enough to cast an eye on the communication and advertising sector.
Ad hoc work on leadership in terms of inclusive language is equally important since, the more inclusive leadership is at 360 degrees, the more it encourages and fosters trust and collaboration in teams.
Inclusive language is also an engine for creating a greater sense of belonging towards the organization and within the teams themselves, among people. Inclusive language and cultural intelligence are in fact closely linked: a leader is not inclusive if he does not adapt his communication to the diversity he is faced with and to which he is addressing.
Society changes, and with it language and writing; It is inevitable. The language, then, changes above all for the habits in its use.
Let’s at least make it change for the better.
In a world where individuals are starting to be considered as such, and personalities assert themselves and are determined by their uniqueness, it will be increasingly difficult to find a language so inclusive as to include each of us.
The important thing will undoubtedly be to start from an inclusive attitude, in everyday life, in thoughts and actions. From there, little by little, we will find a way to sensibly integrate it into our language.
Are you using inclusive language?
How do you arrive at a ‘meeting’?(Could be any meeting, work, home, family, colleagues, friends, face to face or virtual)
Flustered, in a rush, unprepared, anxious?
Still thinking about the last meeting?
The argument you had this morning and know that it is playing on your mind?
The meeting you must attend at the end of the day is troubling you?
Need to get this meeting finished quickly as you have too many other matters to resolve?
You get the picture…rest assured you are not alone. Most of us arrive at meetings this way. And virtual meetings have made it more so, turn one off, and log in to the next. Off you go. Sometimes, even finishing late, ending it poorly, and arriving late to the next one, apologetic and embarrassed.
Imagine if everyone attending this meeting has any of all of the above going on for them?
What are the chances that the meeting will go well, effective, productive?
I am not saying that we can’t have anything going on in our lives, far from it. Rather, are there some things we can do to navigate these situations, and manage them better?
One simple exercise is to start each meeting with one minute of silence. Each participant notices that they are sitting in their chair, back touching, feet on the floor. Then to take a few deep breaths into the belly, holding and then breathing out and holding again, maybe to a count of 4 in, 4 hold, 4 out, 4 hold, etc.
At the end of the minute, ask everyone, in turn, to share how they are arriving. Far from wasting time, this gives everyone a moment to be vulnerable, if they wish, and to be honest as to how they are arriving, feeling, and thinking. In doing so, it builds connection, it enables empathy and appreciation.
In one group, (where all participants had only just met each other), the first person shared that they were overwhelmed with anxiety about what they would be doing over the next few days together. In doing so, they gave permission for others to be vulnerable themselves. (We reassured them what was going to happen, and they were able to relax).
Had we not asked, this person may not have shared so soon, and we, and the rest of the group, may have wondered if this person was okay. Usually, we display less than attentive signs when we are mentally and/or emotionally distracted.
In a one-to-one conversation with a work colleague, it can play out something like this…
Me: Hi there, how are you doing?
Fine thanks. (Me: They don’t look fine, they don’t seem right…was it something I said, or should have done? So best that I start to ‘armour up’ a little, just in case.). How about you?
Me: I am great thanks. (Said whilst thinking the above).
Are you sure? (They have picked up something and in turn start to ‘armour up’ too.)
Me: Yes, of course, why? (I knew it, I was right, it was something I have done or said.)
Err. (Goodness, there is something not right with them, maybe it is something I have said or done. Need to put more armour on).
You see what can happen.
Even a simple, “Hi, how are you?” can put distance between two people, rapidly.
Have you noticed this happening recently, maybe with your partner?
With my current partner, we used to spend half the week in our own place and the other half together. She lives about 42 miles away and a journey across London can be between 90 minutes and 140 minutes. On one occasion, it was the latter, and when I physically arrived at her front door, I was most certainly not mentally or emotionally. Let’s just say the next hour was not pleasant.
Later that evening, once we had both calmed down, we talked through what had happened and what to do moving forward. We agreed that each time I arrive, we would have a hug, and we would sit down together. We would grab a beverage of choice and sit at the kitchen table.
With no distractions, no judgements, and giving each other our fullest of attention, she would talk about whatever she wanted to talk about for ten minutes. I would give my fullest attention (and in doing so, I noticed I would be calming down, settling, stilling myself, and the journey from hell was receding), look at her eyes, really listen to what she was saying and re-connect with this lovely person.
If she stopped talking before her time was up, I would remain silent and continue to be present for her. I may ask, “And what more”, or the fuller version, “And what more would you like to think or feel or want to say?” And when her time was up, we would swap over and I would be able to share my thoughts and feelings, whilst she listened.
Once we had both had our ten minutes, we would offer a word or phrase of appreciation. Note, that appreciation, (who you are being), is not traditional feedback, (what you are doing), and is therefore always positive. “(use their name), one thing I appreciate about you is your warmth and openness that I felt whilst I was speaking.” The receiver sits with the appreciation, really feels it, and says, “Thank you”.
I know that this is successful and can be used in any setting. People appreciate and value the opportunity to share their thinking and feelings, as well as other times, hopes, fears, aspirations, etc. We all love to feel heard, valued, validated and to know that we matter.
“Listen first, listen all ways, always.”
How are you going to arrive, next time?
Grammar is a tough subject and one that few of us paid much attention to while in school. We were too young to have known that this stuff would be important when we grew up; we had enough trouble just being young!
How could we have guessed that as adults, we’d need to know how to write the correct word or how to use the correct punctuation, no matter which version of any language we grew up learning?
English – like most other languages – is somewhat different depending on a country’s version, which is why I always remind folks that my knowledge is based on the American style and may differ from what you know.
In terms of typos – a kinder word than “error” or “mistake” that suggests someone merely mistyped a word rather than screwed up – there are many kinds, but here’s one I see often.
Forgetting to use an apostrophe in abbreviations of yearsMost writers who use English know that we can shorten phrases like “she would have” or “he is” by removing one or more letters, and inserting an apostrophe to show that something’s missing from the original form.
We know that “she would have” can be written as “she would’ve” and “he is” can be written as “he’s.”
But many writers probably have never stopped to think about the point of using it – that the original had MORE letters, and we can’t just drop them out without replacing them with something – which, by rule, is an apostrophe.
Are you with me so far?
Well, the same idea holds true for years (individual years, decades, or centuries) – in 1994, the 1960s, the 1900s – there are four numbers in each, and when we decide to remove the first two, we can’t just pretend they were never there!
We need the apostrophe in the exact place the first two numbers were, the same way we place it in words with missing letters.
So it’s either 1994 or ’94, the 1960s or the ’60s, or the 1900s or the ’00s.
Of course, depending on context, abbreviating a decade or a century might not work; without the first two numbers, there could be confusion if we are writing about more than one.
And yes: We are supposed to use the apostrophe, which is always the right single quote mark (’).
So the next time you want to abbreviate a year, decade, or century, just remember to use the apostrophe in front of the two numbers that are left.
Image by rawpixel.com
It amazes me how simple questions cause havoc with different opinions and thoughts. One example is which is more important how we do something or what we do?
What triggered the idea of this post is a comment by Laura Donnelly in which she wrote “I’m back to my recurring theme… it isn’t what we do but it is how we do it.”
The first example that crossed my mind is eating junk food. What we eat is junk and no matter how we chew it slowly or fast it is chewing harmful food. Is what in this case more important than the how?
Take another example. If you do harm to others then what you do is wrong no matter how you do it. Again, it sounds that what is more important than how.
A company wins a bid through bribery. The “how it won” is wrong and “what it did” is wrong. In this case both how and what point in the same direction. They are aligned.
You are the honorary guest of a dinner party. The display of food on the table is great. You take the first mouthful and horrible it was being too salty and undercooked. Your facial expressions showed your inner feelings. It is how the food was cooked that was wrong. Your reaction might be wrong as well. Two how wrongs do not make a right. The how seems more important than what food was served.
What made the difference, in this case, is the how and not the what.
Another example is what we say versus how we say it.
The quote from Maya Angelou comes to my mind:
I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
This is an example of how having the upper hand over what.
Again, this is challenged by many authors such as that by Dana Bristol-Smith. In her article “How You Say It Is NOT More Important than What You Say” she busted the myth of the how is more important than the what. She concluded in her article “Please remember that what you say is more important than how you say it! And, what you do – the actions that you take, are more important than the words you say.”
You can see dear readers how simple questions lads to opposing opinions and contradicting conclusions.
What is your say?
In these times it is quite common to hear about social loneliness, mainly attributable to technology.The research on the motivations that drive us to communicate online has identified mainly five: maintaining social relationships, meeting new people, social compensation (compensating for communication difficulties present in offline relationships), social inclusion (the need for belonging to a group), have fun. Therefore, the motivations are mainly relational and relationships with others assume fundamental importance when we decide to connect to the network.
The Internet and social networks allow us to stay constantly in touch with our friends, to meet new people who may be on the other side of the world, to be updated on everything that is happening, and to facilitate our approach to others, making us more casual.
We want to be in control of situations and technologies seem to promise us this power. We increasingly tend to flee from direct relationships and prefer mediated communications.
Never in human history has there been so much communication, which, however, does not lead to dialogue, which today remains the most important cultural challenge.
In the new digital world, ignoring whoever is in front of us to answer a cell phone call or reply to a text message has become the norm.
Sounds unbelievable, but with the proliferation of text messages and social networks, it has come to consider it more polite to reply with a message, perhaps mileage, rather than calling that person to speak directly. In short, it is thought that text messages have the purpose of minimizing intrusions into other people’s time. Instead, I think it’s just the opposite: it’s better to send messages or use similar technologies only for impersonal or urgent matters.
The fact is that human relationships are complex, demanding, and often difficult to manage, and for this reason, the technological medium is surprisingly useful for relationships with distant people. They are very powerful tools, yes, but not yet as powerful as a look, a gesture, or an authentic contact. Furthermore, social media often offer us a distorted, we might say “adjusted” view of reality.
Instead, the face-to-face conversation is in real-time and there is no control over what will be said.
Whenever possible, we should appreciate more the richness of face-to-face conversation, because it creates more meaningful bonds with others, helps us to learn more about ourselves and the world around us, to listen to each other, and also through that verbal communication which is not always possible in online interviews.
Abandoning the internet and eliminating virtual communications is clearly not the solution. We run the risk of isolating ourselves. Especially for people who grew up with it, the internet is an indisputable part of life’s ecosystem, creeping into every crack, regardless of our conscious decisions. But with a little goodwill and common sense, one can learn to use technologies to complement, rather than replace, relationships. Also because today we know that, if practiced in excess, solitary distraction on a screen reduces happiness and can lead to mood disorders such as depression and anxiety.
It’s a sort of mirror room in which we don’t confront each other, we don’t really expose ourselves to the dialogue which, instead, presupposes that I want to expose myself to someone who thinks differently, even running the risk of being wrong.
We won’t go back to the life we lived before this kind of technology, of course. However, we can and must use it carefully, even in the interest of our health.
Conversation… sounds simple, yet there are too many misunderstandings, mistakes, and problems caused by inefficient conversations, lack of communication, or lack of skills in this area. Learn more from our special guest Peter Anthony.
Your Stories Don’t Define You, How You Tell Them Will is the first book I read in January. It is written by my friend Sarah Elkins whom I met only online. As we know more about how humans function, how they listen, and what impacts us, the whole world seemed to agree storytelling is crucial.
None of us want to be dumped information. We learn through storytelling. We remember stories. We are inspired by stories. This book covers all the places we need stories from our relationships to our careers. Sarah is a great storyteller herself and also shares a lot of good stories on her podcast too.
If you want to be a better storyteller this is a gem from someone who walks the talk.
Re-HUMAN-izing The Workplace is a book by Chuck Blakeman whom I met several years ago as soon as I watched his TedTalk. I knew I had to meet him and I did and stayed connected for years now. As the title implies, it is all about remembering and focusing on HUMANS at work.
He focuses especially on the art and science of Distributed Decision-making, networked organizations, and the power of the crowd. It is in line with everything I believe in to create a great work culture. He has several examples. He has forms to fill out and answer questions at the end of every chapter for you to do the work on your own too. Always been a fan of his books and his work.
The Heart of Business from Hubert Joly was pure joy to read since it talks about purpose and how to build a purposeful company. He tells his story about Best Buy and how it all worked. I cannot even tell you the number of sentences highlighted and marked, as I read through it. It is a must-read for all young leaders to be inspired.
Deep Purpose from Ranjay Gulati as you can imagine got my attention the minute it was published. So much in there is going to be referenced in the book I am writing about Purpose. Of course as usual I reached out to Prof Ranjay Gulati and we already had a few chats. If you want to find out more about him and his work you can also listen to us here on this video. He is now among my Purposeful Leaders series. If you want to learn more about how purpose plays a part in business, it is one of the best books you can read.
Daniel Pink’s When is a book that I have not read for years. I love and learn so much from his books. This year I met him in person in San Diego while he was doing a tour of his new book Regret (still waiting to be read). So that motivated me to go and buy When which talks about scientific research about time. As someone who always feels like I am in a time crunch, I can always use a book about “time” and how to use it wisely. There is so much interesting research in it including when we are the happiest and when the number of our friends goes up and declines. I shared a lot of what I read with people around me since it is a book for everyone.
Write Useful Books by Rob Fitzpatrick was recommended to me by my co-founder and one of the smartest people I have ever met; Jasmine Kernaleguen. Knowing I am writing a new book for 3 years now, she said this might be a good resource. I really liked a lot of the teachings in this book which also point to mistakes I made in my previous books. It changed the flow and the content a lot so it may take a while before I finish mine. Yet I wanted to mention it here to stay accountable. I really want 2023 the year I complete it, since there will be no end to it if I keep on adding what I am learning.
Humble Inquiry by Edgar Schein is a book I read in 2016 yet I wanted to add it to this list today since I heard he passed away. All his books including this one taught me so much about being a better consultant. Thank you, Edgar Schein, you left an amazing legacy behind. Thank you for all your passionate work.
If you want to know some of the books I read in the past years, here are some links: 2021 books, 2020 books, 2019 books.
I look forward to reading lots of other books in 2023 that are already on my bookshelves waiting for me (and all the others I cannot resist and will buy!)
Why is it so hard for people to listen to someone without interrupting them?Why is it sometimes very hard to listen to others? Due to our egoism and pride, where we primarily consider our self-benefit over everything and everyone else, it is common for us to hold certain disagreements with others’ opinions. It might not even be a different opinion, but the sheer fact that another person is saying what I would want to say and not me is enough for me not to listen.
Due to our egoism and pride, where we primarily consider our self-benefit over everything and everyone else, it is common for us to hold certain disagreements with others’ opinions. It might not even be a different opinion, but the sheer fact that another person is saying what I would want to say and not me is enough for me not to listen.
The opinion itself is not so important. What matters is the ability to express oneself.
Sometimes, a situation arises where one person pushes their views onto another who might have different views, and this gives a feeling that the one pushing their views is suppressing the other person’s sense of self. It is because when we listen, we fall under the influence of the other person. Where are we in those moments? We seemingly become nonexistent, which is why we feel a need to switch on our own mouths here and there.
In other words, we should not enter into conversations in a direct and forceful way, even if what we say is seemingly right and to the point. There needs to be preparation. That is, we need to give the person we are talking with a feeling that they are right. We can then talk our hearts away with them, and afterward, when the other person has discharged themselves, we can then start turning the conversation little by little.
There is a difference between listening and waiting your turn to speak – Simon Sinek
Dana Visneskie tells the story of a Native American and his friend in downtown New York City, walking near Times Square. It was during the noon lunch hour and the streets were filled with people. Cars were honking their horns, taxicabs were squealing around corners, sirens were wailing, and the sounds of the city were almost deafening.
Suddenly, the Native American said, “I hear a cricket.” His friend said, “What? You must be crazy. You couldn’t possibly hear a cricket in all this noise.”
“No, I’m sure of it, the Native American said. “I heard a cricket.” “That’s crazy,” said the friend.
The Native American listened carefully and then walked across the street to the big cement planter where some shrubs were growing. He looked into the bushes, beneath the branches, and sure enough, he located the cricket. His friend was utterly amazed. “That’s incredible,” said his friend. “You must have super-human ears!” “No,” said the Native American. “My ears are no different from yours. It all depends on what you’re listening for.”
It was not surprising to read in a Business News Daily article that in a study, 64% of 675 professional workers in the U.S. and Canada who were polled said that “leaders making decisions without seeking input” was the biggest problem. If that were not bad enough, the article added that 38% of respondents said that “leaders dismissing ideas without exploring those ideas” is the second biggest reason why people don’t take initiative.
And herein lies the problem – the disconnect if you will, between leaders who do not listen and why people are not more engaged in their work. If those in leadership simply do not listen or dismiss ideas out of hand, where is the incentive to be more engaged?
Consistently in any employee engagement survey or reading on the topic, it will almost always identify listening as one of the major concerns on the minds of its respondents – and rightfully so. Until we can get this right, it’s going to be hard to make tangible progress anywhere else.
So how can a leader develop this important skill and increase their influence regardless of where they serve? I believe it comes down to a few key concepts that when put into practice can pay great dividends.
Be proactiveA good leader will always listen to his or her people. But a proactive leader will initiate the conversations. A proactive leader has his finger on the pulse of the organization and will not sit back and wait for people to come to him, but will move toward the people.
A proactive leader is essentially a proactive listener. This means that the leader is actively engaged with his or her people and sees this engagement as a means to better serve the organization.
Proactive leaders are asking and listening to questions such as: What can we do to improve our product or service? What can we do to improve our culture? What resources do you need? What happens if we don’t change? How can I help you?
By asking proactive questions you keep your pulse on what’s happening, what your people are thinking, and how to best serve them.
Be presentYour ability to listen is predicated by your ability to be present in the moment. This is done by being fully engaged and removing all distractions. By doing this, your people will know that they are important and that you are genuinely interested in what they have to say.
Leaders who are present in the moment and are actively listening stand to gain a lot of insight that would otherwise be missed. Leaders who are present are asking questions like: Currently, what is your greatest challenge? If you could change one thing, what would it be? As a team, do you believe that we are moving in the right direction? What do I need to know that I don’t? What are your growth goals and how can I help you achieve them?
Be prepared
As a leader, you need to be asking key questions of your people and listening. It’s not something that you do to appease your people and give the impression that you care only to walk away and not act on it. Your people do not need or want your lip service.
Leaders who listen should be prepared to act on what they’ve heard. The only thing worse than not being engaged and listening to your people is to have those conversations and not act on them. As a leader, you need to be prepared to listen and then act.
Final ThoughtsBryant H. McGill said, “One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.” And this will always be one of your greatest challenges as a leader. So make it a point to be proactive, be in the moment, and be prepared to act on what you’ve heard. You’ll be the better leader for it and your people will greatly appreciate it.
Your intuition knows what to write, so get out of the way.
― Ray Bradbury
“I Can’t Write.”
Yes, you can. If you can talk, you can write. If you can express yourself in any other medium, you can write. If you can type, operate a pen or a pencil, or string together words and phrases, you can write. But there are two things you might not know to do:
- Trust yourself. If you don’t trust yourself, you won’t write. But that doesn’t mean you can’t write. It only means you haven’t given yourself permission to do it.
- Re-write. There’s no such thing as a perfect first draft — of anything. But that doesn’t mean you can’t write. It only means you don’t trust yourself to commit what you’re thinking to writing. Once you’ve done that, reviewing and editing is no different from changing brush strokes, from chiseling a sculpture, from sanding a piece of wood, burnishing a piece of metal, or otherwise refining an expression of your vision.
“I’m Afraid to Write.”
No, you’re not. You’re afraid of being judged. If you haven’t written before — especially if you think you can’t write — who could blame you? But if you’ve worked artistically or expressively in any other medium, you’ve faced this fear before. And you’ve overcome it. It’s easier the second time. Here’s why:
- Your work in that first medium taught you no one will like everything you do. That’s why boxers say, “Styles make fights.” And it’s why Grandpa O’Brien loved to say, “That’s what makes horse racing.”
- Your work in that first medium taught you to create for yourself. Regardless of the medium in which you work, you’ll never know if what you’re creating is art. Create it anyway. It’s the only way you’ll ever find out.
— Mark O’Brien, “Finding Your Voice” Writing Workshop
Why Write?Because writing is one of the greatest human goods. Writing teaches us to think; it can bring our minds to birth. And once we’re at home with words, there are few more pleasurable human activities than writing. Writing, aside from speaking, is the most human activity. It expresses like no other substance can. We need to be heard. When we answer why we write, we reveal more about ourselves than we know. It is the intimacy available to so many who have chosen written words to have their say. It is the nature of writers to wonder. We wonder about others and we wonder about ourselves. We even wonder why we write. For most writers, the compulsion to write is so… ineffable. Why do we write? We just do. We desire the stories. We love the words. We are compelled to communicate our wonder with the world. We write because we must.
All the Write MovesEach of us has a story to share, a mixture of lived experiences—planned and unplanned—that come together and give our existence shape and identity, and each of us can benefit from encouragement without judgment. Whether you’re a new writer seeking to discover your voice, or an experienced writer seeking to hone your craft, this gathering hosted by Mark O’Brien in collaboration with 360° Nation is for you. Bring your curiosity and your wisdom as we gather on the first Monday of every month at 1:00 PM Eastern to freely share “the write stuff”. And when you’re ready to take the plunge, a seat on the Featured Contributors Panel (byline included) for the award-winning BizCatalyst 360° will be yours for the asking.
DON’T WAIT | CLICK TO GRAB YOUR SEAT WRITEAWAY
This past Thanksgiving, we gathered at our daughter-in-law’s home for dinner. The small gathering included my wife and I, both of our sons along with their wives, our one (and so far, only) granddaughter, two cats, and four dogs. The atmosphere was warmly chaotic. As dinner was preparing, various members of the family, both four-legged and two, drifted in and out of the kitchen, chattering or scrounging for snacks or both. Others helped with the various dishes. That is, until the head chef and hostess shooed everyone out unless they were specifically summoned because there were too many butts in a one-butt kitchen.
The conversations continued; small babbling brooks flowing first one way and then another; encountering topics like stones. Rising and ebbing as interest and excitement surged or abated.
As the adults chattered, our two-year-old granddaughter, Addy, systematically organized her own little dinner party. Grabbing her uncle by the hand, she brought him to the napkins, laid out the carpet as a table, and shared cups of “joose!” and small plastic plates of “kookies!” Every utterance an exclamation that brooked no disagreement as in, “Unca Dan! Have joose!”
Looking around, Addy demands to know, “Where Anty Marlee!?” And off she goes to bring anty Marlee to sit next to unca Dan and “Have Kooky!” In her world, seldom do things occur in isolation. Everyone and everything is connected. If uncle Dan is around, then auntie Marlee must surely be nearby. If Papa comes through the door, there is a squeal of excitement and a hug followed by a demand, “Where Meemaw?!” Followed closely by, “Where Buddy?!” Our chihuahua.
Children instinctively understand what adults forget; that communication and connection are two sides of one coin. Or should be. Communication without connection is as devoid of true meaning as were the shadows on the walls of Plato’s cave. Connection without communication is impossible.
Aristotle suggested that everything connects to everything else. One cannot become perfect in isolation, in the same way as a pen or a car cannot develop their full potential without the right environment. The pen or car cannot do what it was designed to do unless it is connected to someone skilled in its use. In Aristotelian ethics: We can only reach our full potential together with others. This becomes nowhere as clear as in the social circles that we build around ourselves: a family member can only flourish if the rest of the family flourishes. We do this through a combination of loving and caring connection communicated with words, touch, or even a look. When mommy gathers up her daughter, smothers her with kisses and hugs, and exclaims, “Do you know how much Mommy loves you?!” she communicates and connects on the deepest, most powerful level. Even as her daughter squirms free to return to her tea party, she replies, “Mmhmm.” The connection is affirmed and communicated. When Daddy swoops her up to his shoulders for a squealing, breathless run, the love, and caring is communicated. The circle is complete.
The babble and chuckle of brooks merged, connected, and became a small pond as we finally gathered at the dining table to join hands in prayer and thanksgiving.
Some time near the beginning of the COVID outbreak, the bank branch where I conducted most of my financial transactions was remodeled. It was a shock to me that the renovations resulted in a permanent closure of the drive-through lanes and that customers now had only two options: to use a drive-up ATM or to go inside to retrieve money from their accounts by talking with a bank employee on a video screen.
The memory came immediately of my summer breaks during college when I worked full-time as a teller at a bank. I had applied for the position after my freshman-year dorm mate’s sorority sister told me about the job. It happened that she also lived in my hometown and had a connection at the bank.
I did get the job, but while I expected to learn the technical and financial aspects of being a bank teller, I did not realize that I would also be learning much more. Slowly and steadily, I became confident with transactions and being sure to cash checks, make deposits, check balances, complete transfers between accounts correctly, and “prove” my drawer at the end of the day. I learned how to interact with customers, each with their own needs, questions, and personalities; and how to respond when I asked for the driver’s license of a long-time customer and was met with the reply of “I’ve had an account here for XXXX number of years, and I’ve never had to show my license before!”
I worked at three of the bank’s branches, sometimes with the inside customers but mostly with those in the drive-through lanes. I enjoyed both, but I think more challenges and surprises happened inside.
One day, I knew something was going on when I saw that one of the inside tellers had walked away from her station. Our standard procedure was to confirm that signatures on checks were legitimate. The teller was away longer than normal, as she had discovered that her customer had given her a check with a forged signature. The customer, probably realizing that he was not going to get any money, left the lobby in a hurry. The security guard on duty observed what had happened and left to apprehend the customer, and I believe he did. I left that day thankful that nothing worse had happened… .and that I hadn’t been working the inside counter!
Of the three branch locations, my favorite was the third and last one to which I was assigned. I had more in common with the other tellers (one with whom I have remained in contact, 30 years later), and the branch manager was optimistic and friendly, which impacted employees and customers alike.
While working the “tubes” (the canisters that travel between the tellers and customers in vehicles) of the drive-through lanes at this branch, I began to recognize many of the customers and learned when they would typically arrive. I started to notice a particular gentleman who came on a regular basis. Our conversation was rather limited, of course, but he seemed to want to say more than other customers. He would typically send in a check to be cashed or deposited, but, one day after a month or so of the usual transactions, imagine my surprise when I opened the tube he had sent in and found a rose!
That story ends there, but my reason for sharing these experiences is to grieve the disappearance of bank tellers and interactions with people and the resulting effect:
The less interaction we have with other humans, the fewer stories we will have to tell our family, friends, and the world.
As writers, let’s work harder to share our experiences, positive or negative, to avert the arrival of a story-teller-less world.
Following is a chapter in my forthcoming non-fiction book That Th!nk You Do. The book is based on a series of blog posts I wrote back in the mid-to-late-2000s for a California-based company. The editor at my new publishing house found the posts and thought they would make an excellent series of books. The posts/chapters are based on my research in a variety of fields – neuroscience, anthropology, sociology, psychology, linguistics, … – and were quite popular in their day.
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You’re about to enter a meeting and you’ve been warned you’re going to be challenged…a lot.
Is it better
- to seek a quiet place, to calm yourself, to find your center and go into the meeting relaxed or
- to focus on the idea of being challenged, being put on the spot, possibly being singled out in front of your peers?
Based on studies performed in Boston and elsewhere, it’s better to enter confrontational situations a little hot under the collar. Just so we’re clear on things, I’m not suggesting you go in armed for bear and looking to take no prisoners, nothing of the sort.
That offered, chances are you’ll come out of the meeting or situation better if you go in with your blood up. The reasons are (evolutionary-wise) simple. Knowing a confrontation or some unpleasantness will take place gives your mind and body an evolutionary advantage, the “fight” aspect of what used to be called the flight-or-fight response. Just knowing a challenge is looming causes changes to your body chemistry, especially your neural chemistry. You go from prey to predator mode and your body adjusts itself without your realizing it’s doing so. Your movements, your voice, your expressions, even your irises start giving off “Keep your distance, bucko!” signals that other people, equally without realizing it, pick up and respond to.
Walk Like a … Predator
Long ago I taught women’s self-defense and there was very little combat technique involved. What I did teach them was how to walk like a predator – on their toes – without obviously walking on their toes. Why walk like a predator? Because when you’re giving off “predator” signals it’s very difficult for others to consider you prey.
In addition to toe-walking, keep your eyes forward, and look from side to side by moving your whole head. Tilt your head slightly forward (and keep your neck straight up from your shoulders). Blink as seldom as possible and open your eyes wide without being obvious about it. Walk with your hands empty and open, palms towards your body, elbows just slightly bent. Match your breathing to your movements and remember to relax.
Synchronize your large body movements – swinging the arms and legs – so that your motion is both smooth and effortless (this is good regardless as any Alexander or Feldenkrais practitioner will tell you). Predators conserve energy until they need it and this style of walking shows that conservation in action.
The kicker is flaring your nostrils. Really. Flared nostrils are one of the most primitive aggression displays humans possess. The next time you’re being bothered by someone – in a meeting, in conversation, on the subway or something – stare at them, don’t blink, and flare your nostrils. Not obviously so, just enough. They’ll excuse themselves or find someone else to harass without knowing why they want to get away. At the very least they’ll ask if everything’s okay without knowing what they’re really asking about.
Next time we’re at a conference together ask me to demonstrate it for you. When you know what I’m doing it’s pretty funny to watch.
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I would appreciate both your comments below and hearing from you as I am seeking testimonials, endorsements, reviews, back cover copy, etc., to help promote my book following release. Please reach out to me directly if you’re interested in receiving an Advance Readers’ Copy.
Thank you!
Joseph
Please enjoy my recent discussion with Mark J. Silverman as a Guest on his Mastering Overwhelm Podcast.
It’s important for an effective communicator to get people into that ‘uncomfortable’ category—to bring them into a conversation that is not going to be well-received but is needed to move forward.
~Sejal Thakkar
Sejal Thakkar is the founder and Chief Civility Officer of TrainXtra, a woman/minority-owned training consulting firm based in South San Francisco, California. A Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion expert and former employment attorney, Sejal is on a mission to educate and empower people to create a world where everyone is treated with respect and dignity. She is also the Chief Culture Officer of Nobody Studios, a venture capital firm that aims to create 100 compelling companies, guiding them from ideation to full-scale company validation. She holds a Bachelor’s degree in Accounting from the University of Illinois at Chicago and received her Juris Doctor degree from Northern Illinois University.
Sejal joins me today to share advice on leading people through difficult conversations. She explains why effective communication takes time and why we need more empathy in the world. She outlines the steps to facilitating difficult conversations. She describes the three conversations that simultaneously occur whenever you talk to someone about difficult topics. Sejal also highlights the importance of normalizing conversations around race relations, privilege, and unconscious bias and underscores the value of active listening.
This week on Mastering Overwhelm:
- Resilience and getting out of the overwhelm of grief
- Creating connections in the world
- Why effective communication takes time
- How building connections and rapport makes it easier to navigate difficult conversations
- How the COVID-19 pandemic exacerbated the disconnection between people
- Key facilitation skills all middle managers must have
- The steps in leading difficult conversations
- Conversations about feelings, identity, and being right
- How to get people to listen to conversations about race relations and privileges
- Identifying different points of view before having a difficult conversation
- Assessing your own assumptions and biases before leading a difficult conversation
- Leading up, leading across, leading your team, and leading yourself
- How Sejal’s legal background helps her navigate difficult conversations with people
- How I teach people how to be present through mindful breathing
- How to proactively kick your brain into active listening mode
Resources Mentioned:
- The Pain, Power, and Paradox of Bias | Sejal Thakkar | TEDxCWRU
Connect with Sejal Thakkar:
- TrainXtra
- Nobody Studios
- TrainXtra on LinkedIn
- TrainXtra on YouTube
- Nobody Studios on LinkedIn
- Nobody Studios on Instagram
- Nobody Studios on Facebook
- Nobody Studios on Twitter
- Sejal Thakkar on LinkedIn
- Sejal Thakkar on YouTube
Mastering Overwhelm – Set Yourself Free to Enjoy Your Success
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Conflict is a regular occurrence at the workplace and can create tension and awkwardness around the office. Avoiding conflict might seem like a good solution when building a healthy work environment, but this could lead to unfortunate outcomes.
You might need to consider using conflict resolution consulting in your workplace. If you want to build a healthy work environment, taking time to learn how to handle some situations in the workplace might benefit your company.
What a healthy work environment needs are open communication and trust among the employees. Suppose you want to make your workplace a better environment for your employee. In that case, these pointers might offer you some vital information.
Avoiding Conflict at the WorkplaceConflict in the workplace is normal and expected. Conflicts can be mediated, discussed, and solved with good communication. Otherwise, avoiding conflicts promotes a dysfunctional work environment, poor communication between colleagues, and difficulty when teamwork is needed.
The unhappiness of the employees can affect the business’s productivity. In recent years there has been a growth in employee burnout, causing lasting damage to their health. Companies with many employees must address their issues and solve them using conflict resolution skills.
The best way to address these problems is to initiate open communication and allow your employees to express their concerns. The Human Resources department should be able to offer conflict management in a safe place, so the employees can express their concerns without fear that they might be fired.
Hire Professionals to Improve your WorkplaceSometimes, being responsible for everything that happens in the workplace can be stressful. If you need a healthy work environment, hiring a team of professionals to help you figure out the issues affecting your team might be the best option. Some companies offer conflict resolution training so you can learn essential communication techniques.
Addressing long-standing conflicts will change the dynamic at the workplace, calm the atmosphere, and significantly improve the efficiency of your employees. By opening lines of communication and creating a place of trust, your work environment will become less toxic. Although conflicts will still emerge sometimes, knowing how to diffuse a problem instead of avoiding it will benefit your business.
Theory of ChangeTo successfully change the dynamic of your workplace, you need to put in some effort. The Theory of Change states that you can achieve long-term change only by identifying the preconditions needed to reach your goals. In this case, you want to change poor management, unfair treatment of employees, unclear job roles, poor communication, and lack of equal opportunities.
Identifying the desired long-term goals will help you establish the conditions needed to achieve that change. The Outcomes Framework assists you in identifying what activities and interventions are required to fulfill the long-term goals. Following the Theory of Change will help you organize and plan more efficiently so your workplace regains its balance.
Dang, Mom… you have a ‘work voice’!
I like to think of myself as pretty authentic at work. I don’t hide my tattoos, I don’t hide my ~thoughts~ (this isn’t always a bonus, by the way…) and I think I usually bring my “full self” into my professional pursuits. So I was caught off-guard when my 21 yr old made this observation, quickly endorsed by her 19 yr old sibling.
I have teased my kids for a while now about “The Retail Laugh.” If you’ve ever worked retail, you know what I’m talking about. That annoying customer says something absurd and you “laugh”, and anyone who knows you is 100% sure that you’re faking it… because you are. (If you have never worked retail, ignore this — nothing to see here — all interactions with retail staff are ALWAYS 100% real… )
So I was curious what they meant when they said I had a “work voice”. They thought about it, and then we got into a rousing conversation about how I speak slower, lower my pitch, and pause in ways that feel ~weird~ to them. Apparently, I also laugh less (this may come as a surprise to those of you who KNOW me professionally… I laugh a LOT more than most people I know, even in work settings), and I “dumb down” my word choices.
Huh. I sat with this for a few days, and I guess it’s all true — but I don’t think it’s all BAD. I used to get hammered (justifiably so) for speaking too fast (which also sometimes triggered my stuttering), using “big words”, and “not being serious enough about your work.” I guess over time, I got tired of getting dinged for these things — or worse, getting left out of conversations because I wasn’t seen as an effective communicator.
I don’t think I’m any less ~me~ when I speak slower with my colleagues than I do with my kids. I mean, yes. My spouse even remarks that it sounds like we’re speaking a foreign language when we get going, and that’s fine when it’s just us… not so fine if it’s a client or a colleague who doesn’t “speak the language”.
I actually don’t think I necessarily “dumb down” my language. I’m very fond of words, being a voracious reader and prolific writer myself. I just recognized that not everybody shares my love of words, so I’m careful not to dive into the deep end, word-choice-wise, until I’m sure that the person I’m speaking with ALSO likes to swim in those depths. I don’t want them to feel like I’m patronizing them, or trying to snowball them with big words to “prove” how smart I am. I’d rather my work product take care of that!
As far as laughing less… well… that’s probably true. As somebody who’s chosen “Chief Happiness Officer” as a profession, there’s already a stigma there that I’m “not serious” about my work, and while nothing could be further from the truth, there’s no benefit in furthering the stereotype. I still laugh a LOT more than most people I know, a situation I’m actively working on fixing, and NOT just by laughing less! (Corporate cultures change slowly, y’all!)
Do you notice that YOU have a “work persona”? How different are you when you interact professionally versus among your friends and family?
And more importantly, how can you make sure that’s not a fundamental change in WHO you are, but more HOW you express your authentic self in ways that are more effective based on your audience?
We all whine about meetings.“Too many!” “Inefficient and a waste of time!” “The wrong people are there!” “Too much unnecessary discussion! Everybody has to show how smart they are!” “Too political and the difficult issues never get addressed!” “Why are we revisiting this? Didn’t we already make this decision?” “What do you mean nothing happened? Who was supposed to do that?”
And most of our complaints are well-founded. But it doesn’t have to be this way, and leaders often have the power to make a difference.
The secrets of a good meeting are simple.
- Agreed Purpose: Have a reason for using people’s time collectively, communicate and agree on it (publish an agenda).
- Agreed Process: Set ground rules about how you will conduct the meeting.
The process used depends on the purpose of the meeting. In my experience there are four main reasons to have a meeting:
- To give information . . . make an announcement
- To get information . . . fact-find, collect data, question and answer
- To solve a problem . . . define, generate alternate solutions, make a plan of action
- To gain commitment . . . persuade, negotiate, sell
The world would be a simpler place if we could separate these purposes within a typical Monday morning staff meeting, e.g.,
For the first ten minutes, I have some announcements to make. During this time I’ll take only questions of clarity. Next, I need to get some information about absenteeism in your sections so each of you will present your data then. We’ll discuss what it means; then we’ll focus on solving the schedule delays in the XYZ project and we’ll break into a full problem-solving mode. O.K.?
But purposes are often mixed and the process is unclear. In the worst cases, meetings blow up or people retreat into an uncommunicative shell or both.
There are some simple actions to avoid disaster and improve meetings (in this order):
- Agree on the purpose or purposes of the meeting.
- Agree on the rules of behavior in the meeting (ground rules).
- Agree on how the group will handle deviations from ground rules (i.e., politely note the infraction, confront it more strongly, fire the egregious offender, execute incorrigibles).
What is critical in the ground-rule agreement is that everyone takes responsibility for the success of the meeting by adhering to the ground rules. I often ran meetings to solve organizational problems. These are not unlike other internal meetings and so the ground rules I used may be helpful:
- Be present. Not just in body, but in mind and spirit, entirely focused on the issues at hand (not on your phone or computer, nor dreaming about a vacation).
- Contribute and encourage contribution. Speak your mind and draw out those reluctant to speak.
- Actively listen – not just with your ears but with visible and audible clues that you are listening (eye contact, “uh-huh,” note-taking).
- Own your own data – it’s okay to say “I feel” or “I believe” but not to hide behind “I’ve heard that some people feel….”
- Say what you mean and mean what you say – truthfully speak your mind, and don’t commit to things you won’t do.
- Show respect. Don’t interrupt, don’t belittle anyone, and keep humor in, but not sarcasm at someone’s expense.
- Be constructive. Stay focused on solutions; build on others’ ideas, and don’t tear them down.
- Be open to insight. New ideas often come from hearing a different perspective.
- Challenge and be open to challenge. Respectfully challenge facts, data, and conclusions, not the intent. Don’t be defensive when others ask for more explanation.
- Spare me the history. Maintain a future focus. In order to remain solution-centered, avoid long-winded war stories about how we used to do it in year One.
- Stay on track. Stick to the agreed process and ground rules, e.g., “We seem to be repeating information now. Have we defined the problem sufficiently such that we can move on to generating solutions?”
- Document decisions; move to action. Output from every meeting should be a list of decisions, as well as an action list to avoid endlessly revisiting things. Hold people accountable for completing agreed actions.
- Ensure results. Do what you say you are going to do, be persistent, and don’t give up.
Tailor five to six ground rules to the group and the needs of the meeting. Some groups need behaviorally measurable (and enforceable) ground rules like “stay on time,” “don’t interrupt,” “everything said in this room is confidential, unless agreed by the entire group.” Other groups need mindset-framing ground rules like “be open to insight,” “stretch your thinking.” Some groups need both types. There is some value to consistency, using the same ground rules over and over for the same type of meeting. There is also value to periodically changing ground rules.
If everyone agrees to the ground rules in advance and shares enforcement during the meeting, then they share responsibility for the success of the meeting and there is less whining afterwards. “NO whining” is a great meeting ground rule because even though everybody loves to whine, nobody likes a whiner.
My business arena has interaction of all sorts with all levels of business professionals and consumers.Most folks have a preference for style of communication. I have about 50/50 right brain and left brain thinking. I prefer pictures and writing notes as my memory is photographic. Though I talk easily and ask questions effortlessly, I don’t always retain the information unless there is active participation, or I take notes. The most indicative sign of how your connection is going is all those nonverbal signals. Fascinating subject, I will share what I was looking into.
“Communication is the act of interacting and exchanging ideas with other people. There are two primary forms of communication: verbal and nonverbal. With verbal communication, people express their thoughts, ideas, and feelings through spoken or written language. Nonverbal communication uses other methods, such as body language including facial expressions, gestures, and more. “
You can help improve the effectiveness of your communication by considering your target audience and how you can adjust your message to help them understand you. With verbal communication, you have a lot of control over adapting your message if you feel it is not effective.
The three main aspects of nonverbal communication are tone of voice, body language, and eye contact, each of which has an impact on how people receive your message.
- Tone of Voice: The volume, pitch, and pace of your voice display your feelings. It can help other people determine whether you’re upset, confident, angry, etc.
- Body Language: Body language is probably the clearest type of nonverbal communication. It can tell a person a lot about how you feel. If someone sees that your arms are folded while speaking to you, they will likely feel you are not very receptive to what they have to say, whereas if you face the speaker with your arms at your sides, you will appear more interested.
- Eye Contact: Making eye contact lets a speaker know you are interested in their message. It can also help you stay engaged in the conversation and better understand the speaker.”
There are many different types of nonverbal communication, including (body movement) or, proxemics (closeness and personal space), body posture, haptics (touch), and paralanguage, which includes facial expression, speaking volume, and tone of voice. These nonverbal cues all contribute to how verbal communication is understood, either clarifying a message or leading to misinterpretation.
- https://socialskillscenter.com/the-difference-between-verbal-and-nonverbal-communication/
The differences between these forms of communication and how to use them:
- Delivery: Verbal communication can transpire over the phone, through email, written letters, or a face-to-face conversation. Most nonverbal communication happens only when two or more parties can see each other.
- Intentionality: A difference between the two types of communication, verbal and nonverbal, is that the words a person chooses—verbal—tend to be intentional, whereas many elements of nonverbal communication can be unintentional or out of a person’s control and impact reception. Nonverbal communication can be unconscious; for example, a person who sweats while talking may convey nervousness.
- Grammar: Verbal speech has patterns and grammar rules to adhere to, whereas nonverbal communication is more fluid.
- Authenticity: Nonverbal behavior like body movements, mannerisms, or physiological responses (blinking or fidgeting) can influence communication, altering the authenticity of your spoken words or causing them to take on a different meaning. Nonverbal messages can be more powerful than verbal communication, as human bodies can subconsciously deliver messages that they are verbally not conveying— “actions speak louder than words.”
- Emotions: Nonverbal cues are especially powerful when communicating with children. A parent’s facial expressions and tone will often express feelings more clearly than using words kids may be too young to understand fully. Nonverbal communication is also beneficial when communicating emotions through a language barrier.
- Engagement: Nonverbal signals are a great way to communicate attentiveness and engagement to those around you. It’s not enough to verbally tell someone you are interested in what they’re saying, controlling your posture and eye contact will demonstrate to others that you are interested, whereas looking around or at your phone can express disinterest, even if that’s not technically the case.
- https://www.masterclass.com/articles/verbal-vs-nonverbal-communication
Though silent, non-verbal cues can convey our feelings, attitudes, and actions to other people more effectively than speaking. Research has shown that about 80% of how we converse involves non-verbal communication, while only 20% involves verbal communication. Individuals living with hearing loss rely heavily on non-verbal cues. Every gesture adds to how effectively you share your emotions and adds emphasis to spoken words. For example, large hand and arm movements create greater emphasis while smaller gestures can communicate something more specific, like holding up two fingers to indicate the number two. Another example of a gesture is head movements. Simply nodding or shaking your head indicating ‘yes’ or ‘no’ without ever saying a word.
While living in Greece, catching a taxi is easy with hands gesturing direction, and a nod of the head signaling yes or no. Some languages, especially in the Mediterranean are spoken with hands and words. Nestled among the slopes of Mount Ochi to the south of the second largest Greek island, Evia (also known as Euboea), lies the tiny hamlet of Antia, so small that it doesn’t even show up on Google Maps. But this tiny village, tucked away in the remote hillsides of Greece, is home to one of the world’s most fascinating cultural practices: sfyria. Sfyria (also spelled sfiria) is the name given to the ancient Greek whistling language native to Antia, believed to have existed for over 2500 years.
A whistled language? You read that right.
For millennia, the shepherds of Antia have been using whistled speech to communicate with each other across vast distances. This is because whistled sound can travel 10 times farther than even shouting – up to 4km (2.5 mi)! The name sfyria comes from the Greek word sfyrizo, which means “to whistle.” Locals and experts consider sfyria a language, though, technically, it is what linguists call a speech register, akin to whispering or shouting. Rather than being its own language, sfyria is a whistled version of modern Greek, where the letters, words, and syllables are whistled instead of spoken. The grammar and vocabulary all remain intact, allowing sfyria “speakers” to carry on entire conversations – even the most complex – across long distances.
Knowing gestures and what they communicate can be helpful when giving instructions or directions, especially when there is a limited understanding of the spoken words, especially when traveling. The tone of voice, rate, volume of speech, and stress placed on words (collectively known as paralinguistics) are a few more examples of non-verbal cues. Paralinguistics can complement and add to the verbal message, as well as accentuate a verbal message by emphasizing parts of the message.
- https://lexiehearing.com/us/library/verbal-and-non-verbal-communication
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/spycatcher/202209/4-everyday-behaviors-ancient-roots
Many of the behaviors that allowed early humans to survive have been passed down to us over millennia through our DNA. We know these are universal behaviors because when we study children who are born blind, they perform the same behaviors although they have never seen them.
Early hominins learned to freeze (like the deer caught in the headlight) when they saw a threat to avoid detection. When the first person in a small group saw a lion, they froze and virtually everyone else in the group did also—no need to ask, “What’s going on?” and alert the predator. This avoided detection, as most predators orient on movement; however, anyone that ran initiated the chase-trip-bite sequence that triggers feline attacks was not so fortunate. This is a legacy behavior we see every day when we hear a loud noise, and we freeze in place. Even when we get bad news, we feel incapable of moving. This is but one of several behaviors that heuristically helped us survive.
Ever notice how, at a catastrophe, a scary movie, or even when a game is closely contested and there are just a few seconds left on the clock, fans cover their mouths with both hands with apprehension, and disbelief? This is also a legacy behavior from our archaic past due to predatory animals. Then there are the ubiquitous two hands to the head we deploy when we can’t believe the ball just got turned over to the other team in the final seconds, or when you return to your parked car only to find someone has thrown a brick through your passenger side window to steal what few belongings you had inside. Those hands that press down on the sides of our heads or even reach for the head, but don’t quite touch in disbelief, are also a legacy behavior. We learned early on to cover our heads when predators were near or attacking and we still do this out of habit. The last behavior associated with large felines and other predators is the covering, touching, or grabbing of our necks. When we are apprehensive or scared, we often clutch our own necks or cover the suprasternal notch (neck dimple) at the base of our neck. No doubt, having seen predators take down untold numbers of prey by attacking the neck, including many humans, we adopted and still deploy this tactic in seeming congruence when we see someone attacked when someone is placed in jeopardy, when something is very disconcerting, or we are fearful. ( Navarro 2008).
In high school, my best friend Debbie and I would say a word and decide to listen to all the extra conversations that were going on in our classes in a small Catholic School. Occasionally we would do the same at the movies, listening to what others say and throwing in a thought-provoking statement. Watching how what you say, what tone you say it is interpreted by the listening party is key to effective communication. This is easy in person, and somewhat easy by zoom or phone. Texts and emails sometimes make it difficult to understand if your message was conveyed.
I encourage you to pay more attention to the non-verbal clues, and see if the effectiveness of your communication improves!
If you find yourself depleted, frustrated, resentful, or burnt out, you probably need help understanding what healthy boundaries look like. So many people are afraid to set boundaries because it feels like “confrontation” but in reality it’s communication. These limits can take many forms, Simply put, boundaries are where you end, and someone else begins. There isn’t a magic formula for creating boundaries telling you what is “right” or wrong” for what they should look like. Instead, you have to figure out what is right for you. Having boundaries that are too rigid or too loose creates psychological distress. Some common reasons people don’t set boundaries can be because they don’t want to upset anyone, have people-pleasing tendencies, are co-dependent, or see the world as very black and white, with no gray areas. Setting these lines for yourself is not meant to control or punish other people; they are intended to preserve and protect yourself. Most people don’t realize that they are violating boundaries and do not have that intention, but that doesn’t make it okay for you to tolerate it.
Boundaries help teach others how to treat you. Knowing your boundaries can bring a sense of freedom to your life.
It allows you to stick up for your values, self-care, and stress management and helps you take healthy responsibility for your life (and not others). People who respect your boundaries usually have a good sense of what is healthy, and those who don’t respect your boundaries are typically more toxic. It’s not your job to fix, repair, or heal other people. Your job is to love yourself enough to know your limits.
Here are some examples of the boundary categories:
- Physical boundaries relate to your personal space and body. For example, a boundary for you might be: “I’ll only shake hands with people I first meet,” or if someone stands too close, you may return or ask them to take a step back.
- Mental boundaries apply to your thoughts, values, and opinions. What are you got giving your mental attention to? For example, not giving too much weight to something someone says could make you defensive or combative. Or, instead of worrying, recognize what you can and can’t control.
- Emotional boundaries mean knowing clearly what is and is not yours to deal with. It is the ability to take in information and scan for anything accurate or helpful and then being able to discard the rest. These are especially important in relationships. In arguments, no one hears what the other person is saying because their defense is being formulated. Good emotional boundaries are observing and looking at other people’s emotions without absorbing them. This is the ability to hear accurately what someone is saying and know that just because someone says something from an emotional response does not mean that it is accurate or that you need to take it on unless there is true or accurate information. Healthy emotional boundaries suggest you don’t need to dispense advice or try and “fix” someone else’s problems. These boundaries don’t let guilt get in the way of decision-making, and it’s knowing that you don’t have to “fix” other people’s problems.
- Financial boundaries are what you do with your money. How you spend, save, give, and budget. There can often be arguments over finances in relationships. Knowing what your limits are around money and what you are open to negotiating with a friend, partner, or family member is crucial.
- Sexual boundaries are the ability to understand and draw lines around your comfort level with physical touch, intimacy, and sexual behaviors.
It’s important to be very clear and concrete in your mind and with other people about what your boundaries are. Here are a few tips to get started:
- Where do you need to have a line drawn or say no? Look at areas in your life where you might be feeling drained or frustrated.
- Learn to put yourself first without guilt: Check in daily and see how you feel and what you need.
- Recognizing that “I’m responsible for me, and you’re responsible for you.”
- Permission to ask for what you want and need without apology. This will require learning to “fall in love” with yourself & Fulfill your own needs.
To implement these steps, here are some essential questions to reflect on:
- What do I need to make my life more manageable?
- Develop a structure to protect your time, energy & what you value
- Communicate your boundaries clearly & prepare for violations
- Identify expectations/standards: What do you expect of yourself and others?
Boundaries are the best gift you can give to someone else, and to yourself. When you have boundaries and know what they are, you can communicate them and show people how best to engage with you and treat you the way that you deserve to be treated.
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