The YouSchool Podcast: Recent Episodes
Scott Schimmel
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My nightmare at 20 years old was that I would wake up at 40 and feel deep regret that I lived the wrong life- a really nice, predictable, and boring story belonging to someone else.
If you had told me back then that there was actually a roadmap, a step-by-step curriculum to walk through that would help me put all the pieces of my life together and set me on a path to build an authentic, meaningful life- I would’ve done anything to get it.
It matters now more than ever.
Right alongside planning for your future is living well now. We’re at an urgent time in our world: mental health / unemployment and The Great Resignation...
Building a Meaningful Life isn’t something you just close your eyes and wish for. It’s not something only a few people get lucky enough to experience. You can’t just put your head down, do what you’re ‘supposed to’ and try hard, and expect it all to work out.
It’s something you can design. And everyone deserves the opportunity to build a meaningful life.
The thing about life, though, is there are no black and white answers. What we’ve discovered over a decade of working with more than 20,000 students, hundreds of educators, over 1,500 military service members through their transition to the civilian world, and countless conversations with parents, elite athletes, therapists, neuroscientists, and researchers are:
There are 30 Critical Questions everyone must answer for themselves so their identity is defined, their purpose is clear, and they have what they need to build healthy relationships. Those are the pillars, and answering those questions will give you the foundation you need so you can make wiser choices about your career, feel alive as you pursue a mission and contribute to a cause bigger than yourself, experience inner peace as your inner and outer lives become more congruent, navigate the complexity of friendships so you can find the belonging you long for, and feel grateful for the life you get to live.
I’m not exaggerating, this is the reality you can experience.
So here’s the plan: every week we’ll release a new episode.
In one episode we’ll dig into the question- why it’s critical, how to go about discovering an answer.
Go to theyouschool.com/store to sign up.
The following episode we’ll invite a guest and talk through that question with them- so you can see what it looks like to dig in and do the deeper reflection work.
Maybe this is something you’ll want to go through for yourself. Perhaps you have a friend or small group and you want to have these deeper conversations with them. Or you’re a parent, and you’ve been struggling to find the right conversations and context to engage your kid- follow along, listen to these episodes in the car or watch them together online.
If you’d like, you can sign up and follow along with some curriculum to guide you, too. These episodes are free, please share.
To access the curriculum that goes with the episodes is simple- signup for only $5/month and we’ll send you the videos as well as a downloadable worksheet you can use to go deeper for yourself or with a friend or your kids or students.
Why Thoughtful Conversations Matter for Your Teen's Future Navigating the Professional World: While it might seem like eons away, your teenager's future career hinges on their ability to converse thoughtfully. Whether they're interviewing for their dream job or networking at a conference, knowing how to engage in meaningful discussions will set them apart. As adults, they'll be expected to articulate their ideas, ask insightful questions, and form connections – skills that can only be honed through practice. Building Meaningful Relationships: Fast forward to adulthood, and your teen will be mingling at gatherings, meeting potential partners, and forming friendships beyond the classroom. The art of thoughtful conversation is the secret ingredient for creating deep and genuine connections. Engaging in discussions fosters understanding, empathy, and a sense of belonging – all of which are essential for maintaining healthy relationships. So, how do we prepare our teens for a future filled with purposeful dialogue? The Importance of Adult Exposure and Uncomfortable Conversations
I don’t know about you, but when I try to have a conversation with someone, and they answer with one-word answers and an irritated tone of voice, I change tactics. I stop talking. I’m not getting paid to try to pry out information like an interrogation. Sometimes, if I’m feeling irritable and can’t get my kids to talk, I get irritated. I might snap back quickly, like, “Geez, I pick you up from school, give you money for lunch, bend over backward to get you on time, then the least you can do is answer a couple of questions.” Mostly, I feel rejected when I can’t get my kids to respond to me. Not too dissimilar from how I might feel if I was trying to talk to a friend or colleague and they shut me out. I feel ashamed for caring so much, awkward about my interaction, and generally humiliated. Can you relate? That’s what this episode is all about. Asking better questions so you can have better conversations.
Going to back to school brings a mixture of anticipation, excitement, and perhaps a little dread. Anxiety is normal; there’s so much that’s beyond a kid’s control. We have a worksheet you can share with your kids to help guide them to think about how they can make this new school year their best ever. theyouschool.com/blog/best-year-ever
Some students are self-directed, motivated learners who are engaged with their academics, their friends, and their involvement in sports or clubs. Many students, though, are not. They go through the motions. They struggle to find motivation. They feel like life is happening to them, like they're a character in someone else's story. They feel like even if they tried to be more engaged, their path is already predicted by other forces or circumstances. Feeling hopeless is a miserable experience. Whether you’re feeling hopeless about your relationship status, friendships, career path, or your waistline, most people would say it’s the worst experience of being a human. The good news is that hope is like a muscle- it can be exercised and strengthened. You’re not born with a fixed amount of hope. It’s not given out in limited quantities, and it doesn’t evaporate over time. Although some people are born with a more optimistic outlook than others, anyone can become a hopeful person. According to the Snyder Hope Theory, hope is not a fixed constraint but rather a dynamic that can be cultivated in anyone. There are two parts to pay attention to: pathways and agency. Hope pathways are about seeing multiple pathways to achieve your desired future. In other words, believing deep down that your goal is possible and achievable. Hope agency is about seeing yourself as a critical piece and driver towards your desired future. In other words, believing that you have the power and ability to make the steps and changes necessary. It’s saying to yourself, “I can do it—I have what it takes.” When it comes to cultivating hope, Snyder’s theory creates the foundation for proper goal setting. It’s one thing to ask people to come up with things they want in life, but too often they’re left as wishful thinking and lack any real benefit. To help a student cultivate hope, guide them to not only describe the type of future they want as well as the different possible paths to get there. Ask them to name the specific activities they can engage in to make progress- breaking down the steps as much as you can. When they get stuck, help them brainstorm and then ask them to commit to which steps they'll take and by when. People with high hope, though, respond differently to setbacks and challenges. They understand roadblocks as a part of the process, not the end of the story. So, when it comes to working with kids, we can lead them to think through what they want, what they will do to get what they want, and alternative routes to getting what they want. Not only will they be clearer about their future, but they will see themselves as key actors in the story that’s unfolding, strengthening their motivation and resolve along the way. Students with higher levels of hope are more resilient, make better choices, are self-motivated, are more effective problem solvers, do better academically, and are less likely to engage in risky behaviors like substance use. * For more on the science of hope, check out the book Hope Rising: How the Science of Hope Can Change Your Life available on Amazon.
If you got to choose for your kid whether they were intelligent, talented, or resilient, what would you prioritize?
As parents of teenagers, we often find ourselves marveling at our children's talents and abilities. Whether it's their musical prowess, academic achievements, or athletic skills, we can't help but take pride in their innate gifts. However, important research by psychologist Angela Duckworth has shed light on a fascinating concept: grit, not talent, is a better predictor of long-term success.
Talent may be the starting point, but it's grit that keeps the engine running. Grit, as Duckworth defines it, is the combination of passion and perseverance toward long-term goals. While talent might open doors initially, the determination to overcome challenges, setbacks, and failures ultimately propels people to succeed.
Think of it this way: talent might get you in the door, but it's grit that carries you through the journey.
As parents, we play a crucial role in nurturing grit in our teenagers. Here's a simple yet effective way to build resilience and foster grit in our kids:
Tune in to this episode…
Your kid might come up with their own list of role models, but we’ve learned over the past decade how important it is to guide them to reflect on who they look up to and why. Now is a great time to bring it up to your kids (or students). Ask them who they want to be like when they get older. Ask them who has a lifestyle they admire. Ask them which characters on shows, movies, or novels they feel inspired by. And don’t forget to share yours with them, too, and introduce them to your role models. Chances are, they wouldn’t think about them if it wasn’t for you.
One critical skill we all need is to understand ourselves, and understand particularly our own capacity. This is something that we can grow in ourselves, and teach to our kids. This concept can also be described as our “window of tolerance”, and we all know what it looks like when we’re outside of that window. On one side, we tend to over react, and on the other we freeze. But there are skills we can use and model for our kids to help them recognize when we approach the edge of that window or recover from going outside of it.
Becoming self aware about your window of tolerance is one criical life skill that everybody can grow in, and we’re tlooking at some of the basics of that in this episode.
Key resources mentioned:
Stephen W. Porges, PhD - Polyvagal Theory
Try Softer by by Aundi Kolber https://www.amazon.com/Try-Softer-Approach-Mode-Connection/dp/1496439651
Helping our kids develop a plan to become self-sufficient is part of our job. But in so doing, is it possible that we might steer them too far away from their dreams? Out of our own anxiety, it’s too easy to beat the drum of responsibility, the burden of paying for your own way, and deny yourself anything close to a fulfilling career. After all, effective parenting is difficult to evaluate—but if a parent can successfully launch their kids to pay their own bills, that’s easy to spot as a failure. That’s why it’s crucial to learn the art of the both / and when it comes to future conversations with kids. Pursuing a passion is rarely mutually exclusive with being responsible and earning a good living. It’s usually a problem of our awareness and imagination.
One critical skill that sets individuals apart is the art of conversation. Engaging in thoughtful, meaningful conversations is becoming increasingly rare among younger generations. However, it is a skill that can greatly benefit their personal and professional lives. Fortunately, we can play an active role in helping them develop this skill.
Feeling bored is uncomfortable. As a kid recently told me, "boring sucks!" No one likes feeling bored; most people do whatever they can to avoid it. One of the worst complaints parents and teachers hear from kids is when they moan, "I'm bored..." As my grandma would always say: "Only boring people get bored. Deal with it." We live in an age where the opportunities to distract ourselves from uncomfortable feelings are limitless. From Netflix to Instagram to the Food Channel, if we want to tune out the noise of our discomfort, we can. But the question is, does boredom serve a purpose in our lives? Researchers in recent years have taken a keen interest in boredom. Learn more in this latest episode.
Parents can leverage graduation and promotion ceremonies and the end of a school year as powerful milestones to encourage their kid’s self-reflection and foster growth. These events offer an opportune moment for kids to pause and contemplate their journey, acknowledging the challenges faced and the progress made. Parents can help their kids gain valuable insights into their personal development, academic achievements, and social experiences by engaging children in reflective conversations. Parents can provide a supportive environment that nurtures self-awareness and resilience by encouraging them to share their thoughts, feelings, and goals. These markers in time allow parents to celebrate their children's accomplishments, reinforcing a sense of pride and motivation. Parents can help cultivate a positive mindset and instill a strong work ethic by recognizing the hard work and dedication exhibited throughout the year. As parents guide their children through reflection and celebration during these significant milestones, they lay the foundation for continued growth, fostering a sense of purpose and direction for the future.
In this podcast episode, Scott Schimmel explores the concept of effective parenting and introduces the idea of authoritative parenting as the most researched and evidence-based parenting style. Reflecting on his own experience as a parent, Schimmel questions why there is no formal training or certification for becoming a parent when other professions require specific qualifications.
He emphasizes the importance of receiving feedback as parents to gauge how effectively they are meeting their children's needs. While we often receive feedback in various areas of our lives, such as fitness or finance, parenting lacks a structured feedback system. This lack of feedback can make it challenging for parents to know if they are providing what their children truly need.
Schimmel introduces authoritative parenting as the most effective style, supported by research. This parenting style combines high expectations and support. On one side, parents are nurturing, caring, empathetic, and relational, while on the other side, they set clear standards, have high expectations, and provide challenges.
He highlights that this approach aligns with the training provided to educators, emphasizing that children require both nurturing care and high expectations to thrive. Schimmel encourages parents to assess their default parenting style and determine if they lean more towards nurturing or challenging behaviors. Additionally, parents need to consider the developmental thresholds of their children, as their needs may change over time.
The podcast delves into different parenting styles and their impacts on children's development. Neglectful parenting, characterized by little nurturing, low expectations, and minimal involvement, can have detrimental effects on children's well-being, potentially leading to negative outcomes, including incarceration.
On the other hand, parents who provide an abundance of nurturing care but lack the challenge and high standards can lead to children feeling "friend-zoned." While these children feel supported and cared for, they may lack the inner confidence that comes from parents who believe in their potential and set high expectations.
Schimmel also discusses the consequences of a parenting style solely focused on high standards, pressure, and accountability. Although children may become highly responsible and self-sufficient achievers, they may experience emotional immaturity, shame, and strained relationships.
The ideal parenting style, according to research, is authoritative parenting, where parents strike a balance between high expectations and responsive nurturing behaviors. Authoritative parents serve as role models, set clear behavior expectations, provide reasonable consequences, and foster independence and self-responsibility in their children.
Schimmel encourages listeners to assess their own parenting styles by considering statements related to their child's wishes, feelings, and opinions, as well as how they handle discipline and affection. By embracing authoritative parenting, parents can promote self-control, moral reasoning, self-esteem, positive behavior, and secure attachment in their children. This style has also been found to have positive outcomes across different cultures.
The episode concludes with Schimmel urging parents to reflect on their default parenting style and consider incorporating both nurturing care and high expectations into their approach. He acknowledges that parents may default to what they experienced themselves or react against it but emphasizes the importance of finding a balanced approach for the well-being and development of their children.
Schimmel provides additional resources, including research articles and assessments, for those interested in delving deeper into the topic. Overall, the episode offers valuable insights and guidance for parents seeking to be effective and intentional in their parenting journey.
Nicole Pearson lives in San Diego with her husband, 15 year old son, and rescue dog – Rocket. She works at Thrivent, a Fortune 500 not-for-profit financial services organization. In her role she connects churches, and non-profits with Thrivent’s financial education resources and inspires Thrivent clients to live generosity by leveraging Thrivent’s generosity programs and member benefits. When not working she enjoys volunteering with local organizations, serving meals to the homeless or building a home with Habitat for Humanity. Most weekends are spent with her family enjoying the outdoors through surfing, mountain biking or hiking a local trail.
You can find Nicole at https://www.linkedin.com/in/nicole-p-357a477/
More about Thrivent at https://www.thrivent.com/
In this episode, YouSchool President Scott Schimmel shares key thoughts on intentionally practicing giving thanks to cultivate a life of gratitude. We have an exercise you can download and use for your family to craft a Thanksgiving conversation. Download the family exercise here. https://www.dropbox.com/s/eebtsiolq309lnr/YOU-391%20Crafting%20Gratitude%20Worksheet.pdf?dl=0
Greg Bledsoe has been a television journalist in the NBC family for 20 years. He’s currently working on a series of climate and California stories for NBC’s Lx network. Bledsoe is the former weekday morning news anchor for NBC San Diego, a job he left in 2021 to pursue a lifelong dream. Greg, his wife, and their two young kids spent a year on the road, traveling to 48 states and telling stories for NBC Lx about what they learned along the way. Bledsoe is a 24-time Emmy winner and has twice been named the National Solo Video journalist of the year by the National Press Photographer’s association.
When students feel like an adult on campus cares about them, they do better academically. Research recently has proved it, and we're talking with Principal Dana Moen about how he's seen that work, and how he's encouraged a culture where his staff are involved as club or sports leaders, and can be an adult who cares about those students.
The mission of YouSchool is to pull out the best of this kind of culture and spread it to public high schools.
A little about our guest this week, Dana Moen:
My name is Dana Moen, principal of Classical Academy High School (CAHS).
I have the great honor of serving as principal of this distinguished high school. CAHS is passionate about partnering with parents to provide the best education possible so that students become successful thinkers, communicators, and achievers. We provide a rigorous and flexible academic program that meets the University of California A-G requirements. As a Distinguished, award-winning, California public charter school, CAHS offers a nurturing environment teaching students to: work hard, live pure, lead with courage, and honor each other, while preparing students for college, career, and citizenship. CAHS has been recognized by Newsweek magazine as the 136th school in the nation for preparing students for college and number one in San Diego as the best high school for homebuyers in 2016. Classical Academy High School is located in downtown Escondido, is one mile from the 78 and 15 freeways, and is within easy walking distance from the Sprinter station on Valley Parkway.
There's no question- students are suffering from anxiety at an alarming and unprecedented level. What do we do, as adults who care for them? How can we respond? And, in what ways are we the ones contributing to their anxiety? This episode is an important one. We believe every student deserves the opportunity to construct a meaningful life for themselves, but we know that they will be severely undercut if they can't thrive throughout their teenage years and get lost in the fog of anxiety. We invited Matt Bishop, LMFT, on the podcast this week to share his thoughts and expert point of view. -------- About Matt: Matt Bishop is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who works at Soul Care House in Mission Hills. A private practice and community of therapists in Mission Hills providing individual, couples and family therapy to the general population. Matt was born and raised in La Jolla and went on to graduate from San Diego State University with a bachelor's in psychology in 2011. In 2013 he graduated with his Masters in Counseling Psychology and is currently working on his dissertation as a doctoral candidate at Grand Canyon University researching the intersection between female clergy and mental health professionals. Matt began working with young people and parents in 2012 at North County Lifeline in Vista where he provided individual and group therapy to at-risk youth as well as and facilitated parenting workshops for the community. From there he went on to serve at the San Diego Rescue Mission as a director in their Recuperative Care Unit providing mental health counseling and case management to a challenging population. Since 2016, he returned to work with young people and their parents through Soul Care House. He emphasizes a holistic approach of psychological, emotional, physical, and spiritual healing to individuals seeking support in their overall wellbeing. Matt has spoken to various audiences in churches, nonprofits, community organizations, workplace staffs, and universities. In addition to being a therapist, Matt is a well-respected speaker and trainer and, in fact, serves on The YouSchool's broader team for Parent Education and Professional Development & Training. Speaking Topics: Technology and our Youth: Navigating the Complexity of the Smartphone Era • The trickle-down effect: Why a healthy relationship among parents leads to healthier kids • Body Image, Eating Disorders, and Young People • Talking to your Teen about Sex and Sexuality • Normal Teenage development: When is a mistake by your kid just a mistake and when is it a red flag pointing to a deeper issue? Contact Matt: MattBishopTherapy.com | matt@mattbishoptherapy.com
Your brain has a mind of its own and has one primary goal: to feel good.
Did you know that your brain will control you subconsciously to do anything at all costs to avoid pain or displeasure?
Your brain wants to feel happy, and happy feelings come from certain chemicals produced inside. Maybe you’ve heard of some of them: dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin. Those chemicals get automatically triggered when you do something enjoyable.
Other chemicals get automatically triggered when you do something…unenjoyable. Or painful. Or uncomfortable. Cortisol is what’s known as a stress chemical, and your brain produces it to send a signal to the rest of your body that danger is close, so be on high alert- ready for a fight, or to run away, or to hide.
It’s a really useful chemical. But it doesn’t feel good. And too much of it will make you feel worse and worse.
Researchers have discovered that people feel physically and emotionally miserable when they experience those things.
Even the IDEA of doing something unenjoyable triggers those unhappy chemicals. For example, the experience of being rejected by a friend is one of the most painful experiences anyone can have. Your brain is so keen on avoiding rejection that it can imagine scenarios and situations that might lead to feeling that awful feeling. It will anticipate people’s reactions to things like your hair, your clothes, and the things you say, and before you even get around someone else, the chemical is already pumping.
Remember, your brain wants to feel good and avoid feeling bad, but your brain can’t do both at the same time—it has to prioritize one over the other.
So, avoiding pain typically wins. Unfortunately, feeling good from the good chemicals gets turned off unless you become more aware of what’s happening in your brain and become intentional.
Here’s where we get to the good news: Scientists have discovered that you can actually hack your brain system to be happier and healthier. You can choose to do certain activities to trigger happy chemicals to start flowing intentionally. We like to call them Natural Highs.
A Natural High is an automatic response your brain has when you intentionally do something that you find enjoyable. Things like:
- Reading a good book
- Dancing to your favorite song
- Hanging out with your best friend
- Playing with your dog
- Practicing your guitar
- Riding your skateboard
- Telling a joke
- Creating a new video
- Baking chocolate chip cookies
- Bring a gift to a friend
- Going for a run
Ironically, artificial substances can make you feel good, too. Certain substances like alcohol and drugs will flip a switch to turn off the bad chemicals and turn on the good. Unfortunately, they don’t work for very long.
On the one hand, the high doesn’t last long. It expires.
The uncomfortable feelings return.
On the other hand, your brain gets tricked into believing it needs those substances to avoid feeling bad and feel good…all the time.
Then, when the high stops making you feel good, most people feel…worse. Guilty. Remorseful. Maybe even rejected by their friends and family they love. Those are awful, miserable feelings, and since your brain has developed a pattern, it starts to believe that the only way to feel good again is…yep—more substances.
It eventually reshapes how your brain functions and cuts off some of the critical developments your brain needs later in life, really important things like how to learn, make good decisions, stay motivated towards important goals, and connect with people you love.
Back to the good news: you’re in charge of how you feel more than you probably realize. By choosing to do something you enjoy, you feel more…joy. The more often and consistently you choose to do enjoyable activities, the more your brain will crave more…enjoyable activities.
So here’s the question: What brings you joy?
What are your Natural Highs?
You’ve only got one life, and you don't want to blow it. There's a lot riding on it. That’s a lot of pressure.
And you’re always getting asked The Question- What are you going to do with your life? It comes in a lot of varieties, but it’s always “What are you going to do…?”
One of the most helpful things to do is actually to get out and get some distance from that question for a minute. But how do you do that?
We’ve found that a great way to get some distance from that stress and pressure is by looking at your life through a narrative lens- think about your life like a story.
So, we’re going to talk about how to use that narrative lens. How to find and tell the story of your life.
What you need to know is that there is a great story inside of you, and it's waiting to be discovered and waiting to be lived. But it's your story. No one else can live it for you, not your parents, your peers, your teachers, your coaches…nobody can live your story, but you. You have to choose it. And you get to tell that story. Come find out how!
I can remember when I was asked The Question:
What are you going to do?
What are you gonna do with your life?
What are you gonna do next?
What are you gonna do for college?
What's your major?
They’re all the same Question, and they result in stress, anxiety, pressure, for me then and still for kids now.
So how do you help a kid answer that question? Number one- don’t ask them that Question.
Instead, what we're going to show you are the seven other questions that you should ask. And if you put pen to paper and start talking out loud, about your answers to these seven questions, when you get back around to that big Question, you will be able to confidently and clearly give an answer that resonates deep within you.
Adam Ward connects people with opportunities, improving their personal and career prospects, with a keen awareness that there are right roles for the right people at the right time in companies. Adam has over 20 years of experience at high growth companies including Pinterest and Facebook where he served as the Global Head of Recruiting and Director of Recruiting, respectively, leading the companies through their IPO and major growth phases. Serving as a Founder and Partner at GBD Talent, Adam specializes in guiding Talent leaders as they navigate change as well as advising clients on how to effectively scale their business and sharpen their recruiting processes. Adam holds his B.A. of Communication and Psychology. He is a proud #GirlDad, enjoys watching sports, coaching softball, and is self-proclaimed below average on the green. Connect with Adam on LinkedIn- https://www.linkedin.com/in/adampward
This week, we’re pulling out one from the archives. We’re thrilled to introduce you to Tracey Gee, a To be honest, this is the conversation where I couldn't stop taking notes! Tracey's a longtime friend and former colleague who now has a deep passion for helping people discover and activate their strengths. Here's a recap of the episode that I'm sure you'll want to listen to a couple of times and share with friends: Two great questions for listeners to reflect on their StrengthsFinder 2.0 results: Where does that strength come alive in you? What's a challenge you have where you can apply your strength? For Parents (or coaches, teachers, youth workers)-- top five clues to discover your kid's talents: Rapid learning: what subjects or topics do you see your kids devour information? Motivation and natural curiosity: what are your kids naturally motivated to learn or do more of? Flow: what activities do you notice them in 'the zone'? Satisfaction: when do you hear them especially satisfied by an activity? Glimpses of excellence: what do you notice them being remarkably talented at? Tracey mentioned a book she's reading by James Emery White called Meet Generation Z. Buy the StrengthsFinder 2.0 Book & Assessment for you or someone you like a lot. Connect with Tracey on LinkedIn-- she's a licensed and talented coach for 1:1 coaching, small groups or teams
Every teenager goes through the exact same exploration journey as the baby bird in Dr. Seuss's Are You My Mother?. Unsure of their identity, community, or role, they search for a persona, values, beliefs, and priorities that will give them the clarity and purpose they desperately long for. Primarily, teenagers use their peers as mirrors and sounding boards in their quest to figure out their answers to those huge, foundational life questions. They might mix in a celebrity or influencer, too. How nuts is that?? Teenagers will base the foundation of their lives on the opinions of other teenagers or media. Nope—I'm not letting that be the last word. What's the alternative? It's the people in my life who I admire and respect. I will intentionally create opportunities for my kids to get to know them, observe them, and learn from them about what's most important and the different aspirational paths they can take with their lives. I don't expect my kids to follow my footsteps. In some ways, I think that would be weird, albeit satisfying. Rather, I want to introduce and expose my kids to the people who are living life well, both from a career as well as personal standpoint. I want them to see what courage and generosity and humility and a commitment to service looks like a different shapes and forms. What does that look like in reality? It means inviting people to come and spend time at our home for meals. It means bringing my kids along to meet with other people, and facilitate conversations between them. It means being intentional to leverage the people I've met over the years to expose their influence on my kids. I don't anticipate my kid or any kid to pick up the most important parts of life by osmosis or accident—I want to intentionally design an environment where they have every opportunity to learn from the best. You can, too. Who are the people on your list you'd like your kids (or students) to get to know?
This week, we invited Canyon Scandrett, a sophomore at Rancho Bernardo High School whose parents said needs help to figure out what direction to take his life. Our kids don’t need us to be passive observers or cheerleaders; they need us with them in the process of discovering their lives. Even more than with them, they need to be guided through a series of conversations and questions to consider. They need to be exposed to opportunities, career fields, and lifestyles that might resonate with them. Even more than waiting until they ask, take the initiative to guide them through a series of the right questions to ponder. Bring up the subject repeatedly, letting them know how important it is to reflect on the big questions in life and talk about them with people you trust.
Our kids don’t need us to be passive observers or cheerleaders; they need us with them in the process of discovering their lives. Even more than with them, they need to be guided through a series of conversations and questions to consider. They need to be exposed to opportunities, career fields, and lifestyles that might resonate with them. Even more than waiting until they ask, take the initiative to guide them through a series of the right questions to ponder. Bring up the subject repeatedly, letting them know how important it is to reflect on the big questions in life and talk about them with people you trust. This week, we invited Abe Rhodes, a senior at Cathedral Catholic High School in San Diego, to participate in a discussion about his future.
When our kids ask us sincere questions about their future, help! Get fully present. Read their expression, dig a little deeper for what’s motivating them to think about it, and ask a bunch of questions. Our kids don’t need us to be passive observers, they need us with them in the process. There are 9 key mistakes parents and teachers make when they talk with kids about their future. In this episode, we’ll dig into each mistake and how to avoid them. Read the full article here: https://www.theyouschool.com/blog/future-planning
A key foundational element for building a meaningful life is knowing and owning your strengths and assets. You’ll likely get help to understand them- maybe by taking strength assessments or reviewing your report card or job performance reviews. Really owning and developing and building upon your natural talents, however, is something only you can do. You don’t have to; most people don’t. They do what’s expected of them, or try to be someone they’re not. But the truly content people are the ones who live in and out of their sweet spot. Can you imagine a life well-lived without it?
Jered serves as one of the founders at iAlign.Work which is a Clifton Strengths based, goal-setting, and performance review HR tech company. Jered has over a decade of people development experience both in academia and the private sector. If Jered isn’t coaching people on their strengths, career & vocational aspirations, he’s writing music for television jingles, and/or influencing for Vuori as a fitness and wellness advocate. Strengths Finder 2.0 https://store.gallup.com/p/en-us/10385/strengthsfinder-2.0-(hardcover) The Fit Factor – Choosing the right job & career (Strengths-based) https://www.amazon.com/Fit-Factors-choosing-building-career/dp/0615596495 Strengths Based Parenting https://store.gallup.com/p/en-us/10370/strengths-based-parenting Strengths for Kids https://www.strengths-explorer.com/home.aspx
Kids get asked all the time what they want to do when they grow up. High schoolers get asked what their plans are after graduation. College students get asked the same thing, with a big emphasis on work. But we never ask the most important question that foundationally will prepare a kid for success: What kind of person do you want to become? What a kid does professionally is important. We want them to be responsible for themselves and become self-sufficient. But it’s only one part of the life equation- and it’s not the most important. A key phrase we’ve used over the years that resonates with parents is, “You can be successful in school and successful in your career but still fail in life.” We’ve found that if we put most of our focus only on what kids do for work someday, we miss the opportunity to help them build a meaningful life. To download our entire list of Critical Questions, go to theyouschool.com/checklist
Kids get asked all the time what they want to do when they grow up. High schoolers get asked what their plans are after graduation. College students get asked the same thing, with a big emphasis on work. But we never ask the most important question that foundationally will prepare a kid for success:
What kind of person do you want to become?
What a kid does professionally is important. We want them to be responsible for themselves and become self-sufficient. But it’s only one part of the life equation- and it’s not the most important. A key phrase we’ve used over the years that resonates with parents is, “You can be successful in school and successful in your career but still fail in life.” We’ve found that if we put most of our focus only on what kids do for work someday, we miss the opportunity to help them build a meaningful life.
ABOUT MIKE BOROUGHS
Mike oversees all aspects of our wealth management and financial planning business including maintaining ongoing relationships and developing holistic solutions for our clients.
Prior to Fortis, Mike was an Assistant Portfolio Manager for Glacier Peak Capital. Glacier Peak Capital was a registered investment advisor with approximately $190 million in assets under management spread across two discretionary hedge fund portfolios. Mike played a key role in launching Glacier Peak Capital as a spinoff from Summit Capital Group, where he formerly worked as an Equity Analyst. Prior to Summit, Mike was an auditor for Ernst & Young LLP where he earned his CPA designation, specializing in financial statement investigation. He graduated as Valedictorian from University of San Diego.
Mike resides in Lake Forest Park, WA is married and has three kids. He is Chairman of the Board for Teleios and on the Audience Development Committee for the Virginia Mason Foundation. In his free time he is active in his church community in NE Seattle and loves to travel and get outside with his family.
A key foundational element for building a meaningful life is regularly appreciating what's beautiful to you. What if we teach the appreciation of beauty as a life skill? Even asking the question: 'What's beautiful to you?' creates an expectation to look for it and places value on pursuing it.
Can you imagine a life well-lived without beauty in it?
Learn more about today's guest, Lauren DeCaprio, in an interview she did with SD Voyager.
A key foundational element for building a meaningful life is developing skills for self-management.
Since stress is unavoidable, we might as well find a way to manage it effectively. Typically, stress will lead us to spill out negative emotions onto others around us. Whether it’s kicking the dog, speaking disrespectfully to cashiers, or being rude to your loved ones, it just doesn’t go well. That’s why it’s critical to learn the skills of self-management. No one can do it for you; it’s up to you.
Can you imagine a life well-lived without it?
Students today are under more stress and pressure than a generation ago, from an academic, performance, and college admissions standpoint. On top of that, they feel the weight of the world—conflict, uncertainty, discord, and danger.
That's why it's more important than ever to deliberately teach them to be self-aware and the tools to manage themselves effectively.
Parents of teens are limited in what they can do and teach. Frankly, kids would rather figure things out for themselves than listen to their parents. Teachers who step in to fill that gap are invaluable. We can no longer assume kids will 'figure it all out' as they mature, they need our help now.
This week we invited veteran classroom teacher turned entrepreneur/copywriter Corrie Myers to our show.
About Corrie
Corrie is a teacher-of-the-year turned copywriter who specializes in helping mission-driven companies clarify their message and attract the right people with website copy, lead magnets, and email campaigns.
Learn more about Corrie and her work, and signup for her weekly email at corriemyers.com
The last thing any parent or teacher wants is to see a kid grow up to act entitled like the world owes you something. Humility and gratitude are universal traits we all uphold. Kids, by nature and age, live in the center of their own world and grow up expecting to be given what they need. Because, well- they're kids. But we need to teach them how to recognize that life is not all about them. In fact, life works better when we put others first and show gratitude for what we’ve been given.
Most students don’t practice gratitude, and they won't unless they learn how powerful and relevant it can actually be for their everyday life. There's fascinating research from neuroscience and psychologists in recent years:
Gratitude makes you healthier: It’s been shown to lower stress, reduce pain, and even improve our immune systems, blood pressure, and heart function.
Gratitude makes you happier: Scientists studying positive psychology found that a one-time act of thoughtful gratitude produced an immediate 10% increase in happiness and 35% reduction in depressive symptoms.
Gratitude rewires your brain: you begin new pathways of positive thinking, positive action, and pro-social behavior. It gives you an experience of joy, thankfulness, and connection (it takes at least 15 seconds of intentional savoring and thoughtful concentration).
Raising grateful kids doesn’t happen by accident. They won’t grow up that way automatically—they must be taught the importance of gratitude, see it modeled, and practice it over time.
Research has proven that grateful people have stronger social bonds. Duh. Does anyone like being around an entitled person? Nope.
One simple exercise you can do is to pick someone you’re grateful for, write down at least 5 reasons why, and then either write them a letter (not a text!), call them and share the list with them, or tell them face to face.
Bonus points if you bribe your kids to try it, too. But even if they don’t, if they see you do it, that’s a homerun.
Ashley Cox, MA, LMFT received her Master’s in Clinical Psychology with an emphasis in Marriage and Family Therapy in July 2012 from Azusa Pacific University. Since 2011, she has provided child and family therapy, as well as individual counseling, in both clinic and private settings. She is passionate about helping her clients cultivate healthy relational skills, improve boundaries, increase assertive communication, and heal from past trauma in order to experience the best in all relationships.
Ashley has primarily worked with children, teens, and college-age clients, and completed the majority of her training at a child and adolescent clinic in San Diego, CA. She has also been a featured guest lecturer at Point Loma Nazarene University and Azusa Pacific University. Ashley works with young people with a compassionate and personable client-centered approach. Based on the needs of the individual client, she will tailor the treatment method but often utilizes Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Solution-Focused Brief Therapy, and Play Therapy techniques to meet the goals of the client and family. She can also integrate the Christian faith into the sessions as the client feels comfortable in the course of the work.
Ashley facilitates open communication, empowerment, and empathy to establish trust and foster growth. She takes great care to bring instill hope and confidence in the youth, college women, and families that change and recovery is possible. She will address challenging seasons for families by promoting new parenting approaches, addressing unhelpful thoughts, modeling healthy assertive communication, and implementing coping strategies that appeal to the client and are effective.
Therapy is a sacred space for vulnerable work and she will approach it with you in a professional, caring, and upbeat way. She would be delighted to join you in your journey toward greater wholeness.
Connect with Ashley at her website https://www.vibrantoutcomescounseling.com/ and on Instagram
When you're trying to find inner peace with external metrics like the number of followers you have, your athletic ability, your grades or test scores, or your number of likes on an Instagram post, you'll feel insecure, in danger, and constantly lacking. You won't think clearly, you'll easily neglect your values and virtues, and you will allow a destructive story about who's on top to become your controlling narrative.
Remember when we thought the majority of the stress and strain of the pandemic was behind us?
Well, now we're headed into summer and still carrying all of the stress and anxiety from the past two (plus) years.
As Charlie says in the episode, "In the past couple years, what we have seen is the amount of intensity and complexity in our world and our country go sky high. And when the amount of complexity and intensity goes sky high, our nervous systems feel that in the form of more fight energy (like anger, frustration, irritation), more flight energy (fear, worry, insecurity, anxiety), or more freezy energy (like overwhelm or collapse). "I don't want to do anything", they might say. They feel lethargic and have low energy. When we're talking about our kids, what we would expect is that their nervous systems are now having to process and deal with a massive increase in complexity and intensity."
About Charlie Ruce
Charlie Ruce, LMFT is a licensed therapist with extensive training in trauma and understanding how the autonomic nervous system reorganizes itself at higher and higher levels. Charlie’s primary training in this area comes from the model Organic Intelligence, founded by Steve Hoskinson. Charlie has been training with Steve since 2014. Using this understanding, Charlie has helped executives, small business owners and entrepreneurs heal their traumatic wounds and build their capacity to find more fulfillment and satisfaction in their personal and professional lives. Before starting his own coaching and counseling practice, Charlie spent 7 years working at the Soul Care House, a group therapy practice in San Diego. He also spent 2 years helping manage, train, and supervise the Soul Care House staff team as the Clinical Director. Charlie lives in San Diego with his wife Heather and their Great Dane Matilda.
To learn more and connect, go to charlieruce.com.
ABOUT SANAM CHARLTON
Sanam is a graduate of the University of Florida with degrees in Accounting and International Development and Humanitarian Assistance, with an MA from Mercer University in Early Childhood Education. From the beginning, she was well aware of her desire to make an impact within her community and therefore has spent most of her professional career working behind the scenes at various non-profit organizations that address economic and environmental challenges faced by communities. Additionally, Sanam spent over two years as an elementary school teacher, cultivating the minds of her students and nurturing their holistic selves. It was during her role as Operations Manager at The Honor Foundation that she discovered, with the support of her colleagues, her WHY: her purpose, inspiration, and passion.
As a first-generation college student, Sanam learned early on to be patient, persistent, and resourceful in order to forge her own path to success. She has a deep understanding of the importance of mentorship and the impact it can have on a person’s professional and personal life. She has always found purpose in helping others see what they are capable of so they can choose to find success and happiness in what they do.
As JIT’s Employment & Resource Managing Coordinator, Sanam is taking on responsibility for researching, communicating, and coordinating critical resources for the short and long-term employment success of our youth. This critical information and essential individual guidance will assist participants in obtaining meaningful employment, defining who they are as individuals, achieving financial stability and security, and cultivating relationships and connections to achieve their goals.
In her free time, Sanam enjoys reading and relaxing at the beach. She spends her weekends playing board games with her friends and scouting out new restaurants with her husband.
Accurate self-awareness is a foundation for health and wellbeing. It’s the basis for quality relationships, career satisfaction, effective leadership, and almost any worthy endeavor you can imagine. The people who lack self-awareness are typically the ones we try to avoid at all costs. You know the type- you probably work with one (or live with one). They aren’t aware of how they come across, they’re reluctant to own their mistakes, and they try to project a character of themselves that’s inauthentic. Self-awareness is available to every person, but it requires a commitment to pursue it. Can you imagine a well-lived life without it?
Unfortunately, it's rare to find a kid who goes through school and emerges more curious, passionate, and engaged in their learning than they started with. Sometimes it feels like an inevitable result. But does it have to be that way?
This week, we're excited to introduce you to Karen Elaine Rogers, an innovative educator who is hyper-focused on helping kids come alive through learning.
Karen Elaine Rogers teaches at Poway Unified's Connect Academy:
Connect Academy is a K-8 virtual school that provides an innovative approach to instruction, blending together the best elements of on-campus schooling and online education to offer families a flexible environment that is student-centered and future-focused. This unique design encourages students to explore Poway Unified curriculum with their interests and passions at the forefront while becoming a community of creative, collaborative, and empowered learners.
Unless a kid has been assessed for unique learning challenges or disabilities, they will have to survive in a one-size-fits-all model of learning. Good teachers will employ strategies to provide differentiated learning plans within a classroom using scaffolding techniques. They know students have different learning styles, and they do the best they can to offer the resources to adapt to those differences. But with large class sizes, fast-paced trimesters, a focus on testing, and ultra-competitive college admissions, not every student will get the opportunity to develop a love for learning, an awareness of their learning style, or have the time to pursue their curiosity.
That's a shame, to say the least.
If you can't cope with the system, you'll get left behind. If you can't hack it, you'll feel like something's wrong with you. Valerie Strauss, director of the scathing documentary The Race to Nowhere, talks about the unintended consequences of focusing exclusively on performance on test scores in a Washington Post article: “Even for those students who stick with it, tests degrade the educational experience, fueling performance anxiety and the false impression that academic success is about speed, accuracy and competition.”
For all the emphasis on testing, there are millions of kids who are being left behind, and millions more who meet the educational requirements but are missing out on actual learning.
Sir Ken Robinson (R.I.P.!) famously said in one of his TED talks, “The dropout crisis is just the tip of an iceberg. What it doesn't count are all the kids who are in school but are disengaged from it, who don't enjoy it, who don't get any real benefit from it.”
So what can we do, as adults involved in the education of kids?
When a kid is growing up, many receive the advice to pick a career that's practical. For others, their parents to find something that makes them happy. Either way, it's not easy.
What does a kid do, though, when the options they see don't fit who they are or want to be? What kind of courage, foresight, and fortitude will they need to blaze their unique trail?
This week, we invited Megan Kachigan to the show to be a breathing example of what resilience looks like. Megan has defied conventional wisdom, discovered what makes her tick and come alive, and established a career and family for herself that is as unique as it is impactful. And, it's not just for her, it's a life that anyone can learn from.
About Megan
Megan Kachigan is an intentional copywriter and sales funnel strategist who gets more clicks and conversions for values-based coaches and course creators.
As a Stanford University teaching award winner with a Masters in Education, Megan understands how to capture attention—and turn it into sales. Powerful results include:
…writing the ads for a $250k launch.
...crushing industry standards with a 56% open rate and 9% CTR on an email sequence.
...helped drive over $1 million for clients with copywriting and strategy.
Megan has gotten results for Two Comma Club Award Winners and Funnel Hacking Live speakers. She’s been featured on the Ambitious Mom podcast, the Star Coach Show, and She’s Building A Dream. Megan speaks about copy strategies that 7-figure earners use to make more sales and how to confidently increase your conversion rates quickly.
Learn More About Megan
megankachigan.com
There’s nothing worse than wanting something and finding out you can’t get it yet. It’s so, so tempting to just give up. Maybe you tried out for a team but got the news that you wouldn’t make the squad this year, but the coach encouraged you to keep training. Maybe you auditioned for a leading part but got Tree #2. Or maybe you really wanted to get an A in the midterm but struggled to get a C+.
Grit is a mixture of your passion and your persistence. It’s a long commitment to learning a skill, accomplishing a goal, or gaining an attribute- no matter what it takes or how long it takes.
Hopefully, you’ve had the opportunity by now to earn some grit. Hopefully, you know what it’s like to dig deep and pursue something, even if it’s hard or takes a while. But even if you haven’t yet, don’t worry- there’s still time.
LEARNING FROM FAILURE: WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED FROM FAILURE?
Failing sucks, right? Especially when it’s public and other people know about it. Whether it’s missing the shot to lose the game, failing the test, getting busted for cheating, most of us try to avoid failure at all costs. A lot of times, our parents protect us from failing. They don’t want us to feel bad or to miss out.
But here’s the deal: if we don't fail, we’ll miss out on learning significant truths about life.
We won't learn about persistence. We won't be able to discern what's actually most important. We won't be able to learn that our true worth comes from within, not from our reputation. We won't learn that we can handle hard things, and we will be predisposed to avoid taking risks.
Once you learn to appreciate failure, the next time we’re freer to take the next shot, to bounce back from the D- and go to office hours, and own our mistakes to do better.
Diego Ugalde is a veteran with 15 years experience as a Navy SEAL. His career began in San Diego, CA in 1992 as a Hospital Corpsman in the hopes of becoming a SEAL but his plans unexpectedly changed when he was dropped four months into BUD/S training. After eight years of repentance over being unsuccessful, he trained his way back into shape. Despite separating his shoulder mid-way through, he was able to continue on and graduate with his Class 246. Diego was ultimately promoted to the rank of Senior Chief Petty Officer, served three combat tours in Iraq, participated in over 250 highly classified combat and Advanced Special Operations missions.
He is a gifted leader highly experienced in mentoring and training multifaceted and multicultural teams and organizations. Diego was awarded four Navy Commendation Medals (with Combat Valor), three Navy Achievement Medals and one combat action ribbon.
If we don't let kids fail, they won't learn significant truths about life. They won't learn about persistence. They won't be able to discern what's most important. They won't be able to learn that their true worth comes from within, not from their reputation. They won't learn that they can handle hard things, and they will be predisposed to avoid taking risks.
Inability to face, accept, or learn from failure is one of the most consistent critiques managers in today’s workplace have about the younger generations. Just the other day I was talking with two managers of a large global company who lamented how few risks their team members were willing to take. Whether it was speaking up in meetings or coming up with new initiatives, they consistently held back. One of them shared how she’d given honest feedback to a young employee, who instantly broke down crying and claimed she was being treated in a hostile manner.
Life is going to be hard. No one’s going to escape setbacks, obstacles, or failure. If you do, it’s likely because you’re taking the path of least resistance and avoiding anything that might be uncomfortable. The workplace needs emerging talent to embrace and continuously lean into failure. There’s no better time to teach them this valuable life lesson than during adolescence.
The teenage years are primarily about identity formation—discovering who you are, and who you're not. One key piece of that exploration is learning to be honest about your limitations and weaknesses, and knowing how to respond to them.
Join us this week as Scott interviews his own son, 15-year-old Cale Schimmel. Watch their interaction as Scott models how to engage a teenager in self-reflective discussions, and listen as Cale articulates who he is and who he's becoming.
What we're fanatical about is helping young people get the tools, the skill set to be more reflective at an early age — and it's possible. It's possible, and we're going to dig into how in this episode.
If you learn to understand and embrace your own limits, you will:
- Have more clarity about life and yourself, you'll be more honest.
- You'll live a more authentic life, you will embody the character trait of humility.
- And if you embrace your weaknesses and your limits, you will go down the path of surrender, which is a wise, good path.
- You're not trying to be someone that you're not, you're not trying to do things that don't make sense for you, you're not forcing something.
- And you can actually come up with what would be an appropriate growth plan.
- You will have a more accurate compass to who you are and how to make good choices for yourself, and you'll better collaborate with others.
The clearer I am about my weaknesses and limits, the more apt and prone I am to lean on other people and their strengths. And that makes the world go round.
What is trauma? How does it affect our kids? What's the difference between a difficult experience and a traumatic event? Why do some kids do better through extreme circumstances, and others suffer?
We cover those questions and more in this incredibly relevant and practical interview with Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Nervous System Coach/Consultant, Charlie Ruce. Every parent must listen and apply Charlie's practical wisdom.
About Charlie Ruce
Charlie Ruce, LMFT is a licensed therapist with extensive training in trauma and understanding how the autonomic nervous system reorganizes itself at higher and higher levels. Charlie’s primary training in this area comes from the model Organic Intelligence, founded by Steve Hoskinson. Charlie has been training with Steve since 2014. Using this understanding, Charlie has helped executives, small business owners and entrepreneurs heal their traumatic wounds and build their capacity to find more fulfillment and satisfaction in their personal and professional lives. Before starting his own coaching and counseling practice, Charlie spent 7 years working at the Soul Care House, a group therapy practice in San Diego. He also spent 2 years helping manage, train, and supervise the Soul Care House staff team as the Clinical Director. Charlie lives in San Diego with his wife Heather and their Great Dane Matilda.
To learn more and connect, go to charlieruce.com.
References in the Episode
Dan Siegel
Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) and Preventing ACEs
What is Trauma?
About the Episode
Everyone has challenges that impede their growth and development. We all have villains in our life stories who oppose us and keep us from becoming who we're meant to become. The question is, how will we move past them? What will we learn from them?
Defining your own core beliefs is central to living an organized, purpose-filled life. It's not easy, though. In this interview with Tyler Allred, a guru in guiding teenagers to discover faith for themselves, we explore the three crucial ingredients to leading kids to define their own core beliefs.
Disclaimer: we both associate ourselves with a Christian worldview. However, the discussion is valuable for families from all faith (or no faith) backgrounds.
About Tyler Allred
Tyler understands the struggle to feel like our faith connects with our everyday life. He served for 14 years on college campuses helping students navigate the complicated world of the university to find that the Bible was relevant and applicable to real life. Then, he spent 5 years as a pastor to families and adults in local churches doing the same thing—turns out that people of all ages struggle with the same desire to connect with God in their daily grind. Helping translate and unlock the Bible for people of all ages in ways that are clear and relevant continues to be one of his greatest passions. Tyler is a devoted father of three girls and a self-described Bible and curriculum nerd.
What you believe shapes who you become. Your beliefs shape how you see the world and how you interact with it. They form the foundation of your identity, how you understand your purpose and interact with the world, and the quality of relationships you build.
It starts with knowing which questions to ask. It can feel counterintuitive, though. Most parents and teachers will default to a lecture format. They feel anxious about kids getting beliefs ‘wrong’, so they lecture, cajole, and sometimes threaten. However, in my experience, teenagers need a safe environment to explore beliefs on their own. In fact, they need an opportunity to test out ‘wrong beliefs’ for themselves, without fear of the adults in their life getting mad at them.
In this episode, Scott digs into the importance of defining your core beliefs, how to get there, and what questions parents and teachers can ask.
It's hard to change course in your life when you've already started down a path. It's a lot more effective if you figure out where you're going ahead of time- so you can avoid detours and wasted time. There's a collective theory in the world that tells young people they can't figure themselves out- they have to wait until they get older. But, that's not true! We just don't have self-awareness as a goal or an expectation for students when they graduate high school...yet. You are deciding who you are and the type of person you will become during your middle and high school years, and that determines where you’re headed in your life. So, it’s really important that you get to figure out what’s most important to you- not to your parents, not to your friends, and not to the culture at large.
In this conversation, Scott Schimmel interviews Kathy Pham about how she's organized her life to reflect her fundamental values- the costs associated with standing for something she believes in and the impact she gets to make through her work.
About Kathy Pham
Kathy hails from Little Saigon in Orange County, where she grew up with an older brother, divorced parents, and a HUGE, loving extended family. While attending CSULB, she had a tutoring business and was in leadership on campus and in church. After graduation, she was a retail executive for a few years. Eventually, she responded to God's call to go on missions and full-time ministry which landed her in City Heights. Now, as the Director of Spiritual Development at UrbanLife, she is living her calling: to love students and to help students know and love Jesus! Kathy is down for youth transformation, Enneagram chats, strategic planning and execution, and banana eating races - not in that particular order.
It’s interesting- we ask students to write clear, persuasive essays and perform the Pythagorean theorem, but don’t quiz them on what’s most important to them. Which has more lasting, relevant value for their future? Of course, values are more caught than taught, but the critical translation to make other people’s values your own comes after you think through them and express them in your own words. Can you imagine what someone would miss out on if they didn’t define their fundamental values?
To get access to the curriculum that goes along with these episodes, just head to theyouschool.com/store to sign up.
There's only one YOU- but, ironically, learning about yourself and finding the courage to authentically express yourself are rare.
In this interview, Scott Schimmel interviews Michael Davidson from Team Rubicon- one of the most authentic servant leaders you'll find anywhere. Listen to the episode wherever you like to get your podcasts.
We also have an accompanying curriculum to go with these episodes- so you can do the deep, reflective work, too. Get access at theyouschool.com/store
About Michael... Accomplished, results-oriented executive with extensive experience directing logistics, operations, strategic planning, and complex conflict resolution. Background includes establishing global partnerships, managing teams of 100+ employees, administering multimillion-dollar budgets, and coordinating humanitarian missions to Ecuador, Nepal, Afghanistan, Indonesia, and the Philippines. Dedicated to uncovering opportunities and maintaining operational effectiveness with diminished resources. Professional experience in Asia-Pacific and Middle East regions—global mindset, remain open to travel. YouSchool Guide. Gallup StrengthsFinder Coach. INFJ.
About Team Rubicon... Team Rubicon is an international non-government organization specializing in disaster response.
There is no one like you. Never has been; never will be. No one will ever know what it’s like to be you, think like you, see like you, act like you, or dream like you. There’s no one who will ever express themselves like you or make a mark like you. The world needs you to discover, own, and express the standout you.
Foundational Question #2: What makes you unique and stand out?
There are beauty and wonder in all the differences, isn’t there? There’s no way we could all be alike- the world would be terribly predictable if we were. All the beauty, wonder, and creativity come through integrating the differences.
Fitting in is vital to a life well-lived. Belonging to others is key to feeling safe and cared for. It’s through others we experience and express love. Everyone needs safe, trusted people. Everyone needs a tribe. But relationships get funky when we don’t pay enough respect to the differences we bring. When we expect each other to see, think, feel, and act as we do- those are the ingredients of conflict and misunderstanding. When push comes to shove, though, most people will hide or mask or negate their own uniqueness if it threatens a bond.
That’s why it’s so important to discover, own, and express the standout you. We need each other not only to accept and appreciate the differences but to also see the differences in each other. We serve as mirrors of identity and uniqueness; it’s only by getting closer to people that we understand who we are and what makes us different.
Discovering, owning, and expressing the unique attributes of who you are is foundational to constructing a meaningful life.
Go to theyouschool.com/store to get access to the full Critical Foundations Podcast & Curriculum.
In order to be able to see your past clearly and confidently understand where you come from and how it's shaped you, you need to do some reflective work. The conversation we have with Christina in this episode can be a model for how you might engage with yourself or someone you know, to help them recall and process their backstory.
About Christina Glennon
Christina Glennon is the Head of Diversity, Equity and Inclusion Programs and Operations at Levi Strauss & Co. From her LinkedIn Profile: Experienced and credentialed diversity, equity, and inclusion practitioner. Servant leader and military veteran with demonstrated success creating programs, leading teams, and producing results. Holds a high bar for leadership behaviors and personal values. Uses situational leadership to inspire high performance, facilitate action-oriented conversations, and tactfully challenge the status quo. Expertise in D&I programming; social impact; and leadership development. Experienced in media relations, corporate communications, nonprofit leadership, and community engagement. High emotional intelligence, trusted business partner. Veteran of Operation Iraqi Freedom.
The New YouSchool Podcast
There are 30 Critical Questions everyone must answer for themselves so their identity is defined, their purpose is clear, and they have what they need to build healthy relationships. Those are the pillars, and answering those questions will give you the foundation you need so you can make wiser choices about your career, feel alive as you pursue a mission and contribute to a cause bigger than yourself, experience inner peace as your inner and outer lives become more congruent, navigate the complexity of friendships so you can find the belonging you long for, and feel grateful for the life you get to live. So here’s the plan: every week we’ll release a new episode. In one episode we’ll dig into the question- why it’s critical, how to go about discovering an answer.
Go here to sign up for the videos and the curriculum
In the following episode, we’ll invite a guest and talk through that question with them- so you can see what it looks like to dig in and do the deeper reflection work. If you’d like, you can sign up and follow along with some curriculum to guide you, too. These episodes are free, please share. To access the curriculum that goes with the episodes is simple- signup for only $5/month and we’ll send you the videos as well as a downloadable worksheet you can use to go deeper for yourself or with a friend or your kids or students.
“Tell us about yourself.” Can you think of a more anxiety-provoking question? On one hand, it’s a softball question, right? Who else knows more about your own life than you? But, rarely does anyone answer this question in a clear, concise, or interesting way. Most people drag on for too long, telling way too many insignificant details. Others skip the most important, relevant parts (remember Seinfeld’s “yada, yada, yada”?). Rarely, if ever, do we get to hear someone talk about their life story that has an integrated narrative thread- a fancy way of saying it all makes sense. Why is it so rare to hear someone talk about themselves in an effective, memorable way? I once heard a 20 year veteran Navy SEAL say, “I’d way rather be in combat getting shot at than to have to talk about myself in an interview.” On one hand, we get the message while growing up that it’s not appropriate to talk about ourselves and grab the limelight. We can all think of someone who talks about themselves too much and is always trying to be the center of attention. Nobody wants to be ‘that guy’. Also, in our core, we all want to avoid humiliation, embarrassment, or shame at all costs. If we provoke attention, people will look at us, and we might be overwhelmed by their rejection. But mostly, none of us get taught how to talk about ourselves in an effective way that doesn’t make us come across as self-indulgent or narcissistic. We don’t get the opportunity to reflect on and understand our past, to process through to find or make meaning from our backstory, or the chance to practice telling our own story in a safe environment. Whether in a job interview, first date, cocktail party or in the stands at a Little League game, we all get asked to talk about who we are. The question comes in different forms, like "Where are you from?" Or, “So, what do you do?” No matter how it’s asked, the direction is the same- they want to hear about who you are and where you come from. Of course, you can answer with the town you were born in or the details about how you moved around a lot- but what do those answers really say about you? People want to know who you are. They want to get a sense of where you come from, and how it's shaped your life. They want to understand the key events and moments that have had a lasting impact on who you are, and who you’re becoming. They want to hear about obstacles you’ve overcome, and failures you’ve pushed through. For most people, it takes time to figure out how to talk about yourself. There’s no formula, and no one else can script the answer for you. You have to do the process first. Also, you can’t start writing a meaningful story with your life until you make sense of where you come from and how it’s shaped you. Even the most boring backstory is still complex. If you explore your past and get to know your backstory, a few important things happen: Clarified Direction: you’re able to see where your life is headed and the path that you’re on- it’s called trajectory. When you’re a teen, it’s important to make a series of decisions that will influence the direction your life takes. Most students don’t take the time to think about the overarching path they’re on already. No one invents their life from thin air- we all come from a people, a place, and a set of circumstances that are already influencing where we’re headed. The more we see the thread of meaning in our backstory, the more we’ll be able to see how that thread plays out. Social Capital: you’re able to tell your story in a more compelling way, become more persuasive, & become someone others can trust and count on. Storytellers always win- they are more likable, sociable, and influential. Many people assume that being an effective storyteller is an innate gift- some have it and some don’t. Rather, good storytellers are made- they think about their life through the lens of story, and they practice telling stories a lot. The more they do, the more feedback they get and the more effective they become. Wellbeing through Integration: you’re able to heal from past wounds so they fuel who you become rather than act as anchors. A core therapy model practiced by thousands of therapists around the world asks clients to retell their past experiences and reflect on how they might connect. The model invites people to recall memories, especially divergent memories, and reflect on how they relate to each other. Our brains and bodies store memories inefficiently- all over the place- and in the process of telling our past stories we can find connections that we hadn’t previously made. That moment when you see a pattern or feel a connection is what most would call an insight or an ‘aha moment’. Internally, it’s our brains integrating stored memories together, becoming more efficient and effective at seeing patterns. It’s the foundation for mental health and wellbeing. Stronger Agency: knowing your backstory will empower you to pick up the pen to write a life story that’s consistent with your true self. You won’t feel like life is happening to you, like you are at the mercy of events and circumstances thrown your way. You’ll see an overarching narrative structure to your life, and you’ll even recognize the decisions you made in your past, even unconsciously, determine what happened. The more you reflect on the past choices you made, the more you’ll realize in the moment that an inflection point is upon you. You’ll feel more confident that you are authoring your life story. Doing a deep dive into your backstory will help you on many levels. You’ll be able to talk about yourself in a clear, compelling way. Other people will know who you are and know how to interact with you. You will integrate some divergent experiences and ideas from your past. You’ll have greater clarity for how to make better choices for your life. You’ll feel more confident in your own agency. Go to theyouschool.com/store to get access to the full Critical Foundations Podcast & Curriculum.
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Joe understands there is an innate brilliance that exists in all of us. But he also acknowledges that leaders and managers may have challenges with motivation and inspiration inside their organizations and teams; and not just during times of volatility & uncertainty. His desire is to help create healthy and nurturing work environments for people to thrive, feel inspired, and to be the very best version of themselves. He began his 24-year military experience as a code-breaker for the National Security Agency and Department of Defense. During the last 10-years of his military career, he trained and deployed alongside Navy SEAL Teams, where he performed a highly-technical role conducting combat operations serving next to some of the most elite people on the planet in some of the most austere environments imaginable.
Like most veterans, belonging, purpose, and contribution to something greater than himself were instrumental in shaping his outlook on the world. Joe considers himself a lifelong student of Servant Leadership. Upon retiring from his military role, he studied under world-renowned authors Ken and Margie Blanchard, while earning his Master of Science in Executive Leadership from the University of San Diego. Joe continued to serve as the VP of Programs and Curriculum at The Honor Foundation, a transition institute tailored for the Special Operations community (Navy SEALs, Army Green Beret, Marine Raiders, and combat support personnel).
He was the designer, arranger and developer of curriculum, and responsible for the sustainability and scalability of the program experience across four campuses in three different states. Today, Joe is the Director of Leader Development inside a privately held mortgage and lending company. Outside of THF, he also sits on the board of directors for Africa Servant Leadership Development Initiative, a 501(c)3 supporting a grassroots effort in Makueni, Kenya with the desired result of building a Servant Leadership university to raise up a new generation of Servant Leaders. Joe Lives in San Diego with his wife of 22 years, two teenage boys, and his British bulldog, Rudy.
If you’d like, you can sign up and follow along with some curriculum to guide you, too. These episodes are free, please share. To access the curriculum that goes with the episodes is simple- signup for only $5/month and we’ll send you the videos as well as a downloadable worksheet you can use to go deeper for yourself or with a friend or your kids or students.
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My nightmare at 20 years old was that I would wake up at 40 and feel deep regret that I lived the wrong life- a really nice, predictable, and boring story belonging to someone else. If you had told me back then that there was actually a roadmap, a step-by-step curriculum to walk through that would help me put all the pieces of my life together and set me on a path to build an authentic, meaningful life- I would’ve done anything to get it. It matters now more than ever. Right alongside planning for your future is living well now. We’re at an urgent time in our world: mental health / unemployment and The Great Resignation...
Building a Meaningful Life isn’t something you just close your eyes and wish for. It’s not something only a few people get lucky enough to experience. You can’t just put your head down, do what you’re ‘supposed to’ and try hard, and expect it all to work out. It’s something you can design. And everyone deserves the opportunity to build a meaningful life. The thing about life, though, is there are no black and white answers. What we’ve discovered over a decade of working with more than 20,000 students, hundreds of educators, over 1,500 military service members through their transition to the civilian world, and countless conversations with parents, elite athletes, therapists, neuroscientists, and researchers are:
There are 30 Critical Questions everyone must answer for themselves so their identity is defined, their purpose is clear, and they have what they need to build healthy relationships.
Those are the pillars, and answering those questions will give you the foundation you need so you can make wiser choices about your career, feel alive as you pursue a mission and contribute to a cause bigger than yourself, experience inner peace as your inner and outer lives become more congruent, navigate the complexity of friendships so you can find the belonging you long for, and feel grateful for the life you get to live. I’m not exaggerating, this is the reality you can experience. So here’s the plan: every week we’ll release a new episode.
In one episode we’ll dig into the question- why it’s critical, how to go about discovering an answer. Go to theyouschool.com/store to sign up. In the following episode we’ll invite a guest and talk through that question with them- so you can see what it looks like to dig in and do the deeper reflection work. Maybe this is something you’ll want to go through for yourself. Perhaps you have a friend or small group and you want to have these deeper conversations with them. Or you’re a parent, and you’ve been struggling to find the right conversations and context to engage your kid- follow along, listen to these episodes in the car or watch them together online.
If you’d like, you can sign up and follow along with some curriculum to guide you, too. These episodes are free, please share.
To access the curriculum that goes with the episodes is simple- signup for only $5/month and we’ll send you the videos as well as a downloadable worksheet you can use to go deeper for yourself or with a friend or your kids or students.