practical change for midlife lesbians podcast: Recent Episodes
Claire Baker
Finally, a podcast of our own, for us, by one of us. Addressing the issues and concerns of midlife lesbians: Health, relationships, career/work/retirement and more.
In this episode, we follow Ezra Baker Jr.'s final chapters: from his desperate appeals to Abraham Lincoln after losing his Indian Agent post, through the infamous Norfolk "trading with the enemy" affair, and back to Philadelphia where his life quietly ended. Along the way, we confront the reality behind the myths: Ezra wasn't a hero, nor a tragic figure—he was an opportunist, a schemer, and a man chasing adventure and money until the very end. Join me as I untangle the facts from the legend and reflect on what Ezra's story tells us about ambition, morality, and the messy middle of history.
I'm also a life coach—you can find me at www.PracticalChangeCoaching.com or on TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook at @practicalchangecoaching.
References & Sources for Episode 4: Schemes, Scrapes, and the Philadelphia Finale 1. Letter from William P. Dole to Abraham Lincoln (March 26, 1863)
- Context: Dole requests that Lincoln meet with Ezra Baker, recently dismissed as Indian Agent in Washington Territory.
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Citation: Dole, William P. Letter to Abraham Lincoln, March 26, 1863. Abraham Lincoln Papers, Series 1: General Correspondence, 1833–1916. Library of Congress.Link
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Letter from Ezra Baker to Abraham Lincoln (March 26, 1863)
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Context: Ezra Baker asks Lincoln for an audience after being demoted; included in Dole's note.
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Citation: Baker, Ezra. Letter to Abraham Lincoln, March 26, 1863. Abraham Lincoln Papers, Series 1: General Correspondence, 1833–1916. Library of Congress. Link
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Letter from Ezra Baker to Abraham Lincoln (April 13, 1863)
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Context: Ezra expresses concern over his reputation, requests redress, and mentions moving to Philadelphia.
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Citation: Baker, Ezra. Letter to Abraham Lincoln, April 13, 1863. Abraham Lincoln Papers, Series 1: General Correspondence, 1833–1916. Library of Congress. Link
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Telegram from Abraham Lincoln to Brig. Gen. G. H. Gordon (April 9, 1865)
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Context: Lincoln orders a full report on why Ezra Baker and others were detained in Norfolk, VA; issued three days before his assassination.
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Citation: Lincoln, Abraham. Telegram to Brig. Gen. G. H. Gordon, April 9, 1865. The Writings of Abraham Lincoln. Library of Congress. Link
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Speech of Brig. Gen. George H. Gordon (October 28, 1868)
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Context: Gordon recounts events related to Norfolk detentions and the "trading with the enemy" suspicions.
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Citation: Gordon, George H. Speech of Gen. George H. Gordon, delivered at Newburyport, Mass., October 28, 1868. Open Library. Link
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Trade with Rebellious States Congressional Document (1865)
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Context: Legislative report including Ezra Baker's name, documenting alleged trade with Confederate states.
- Citation: United States Congress. Trade with Rebellious States, 1865. Library of Congress. Link
In part 3 of this arc of Unraveling Ezra, a sub-podcast of Practical Change for Midlife Lesbians, Ezra Baker Jr. rose from Illinois banking commissioner to river-trade entrepreneur, catching the eye of Abraham Lincoln along the way. But ambition and risk brought financial ruin, desperate appeals to his son Dorsey, and partnerships with figures like Ephraim Bishop. This episode traces his bold schemes, costly missteps, and the clever escape that kept him in the game.
References & Sources:
- 1835: Ezra appointed commissioner of the Bank of Illinois – Papers of Abraham Lincoln
- 1837: Lincoln mentions Ezra from the floor of the Illinois legislature – Gutenberg
- 1842: Dorsey Syng Baker moves goods for his father at age 19 – Forty Years a Pioneer, HathiTrust
- 1855: Announcement of Ezra’s land auction – Mount Carmel Register, Newspapers.com
- Ephraim B. Bishop’s papers, Yale Archives – Yale Library Special Collections
- 1859: Ezra asks Dorsey for financial help – Forty Years a Pioneer, HathiTrust
- Narrative from the Haupt family – Minerd.com
- 1861: Ezra appointed Indian Agent, Washington Territory – National Archives, Bureau of Indian Affairs
This is a production of Practical Change for Midlife Lesbians/Practical Change Coaching. Learn more about Practical Change Coaching at www.practicalchangecoaching.com.
In part two of this multipart arc of Unraveling Ezra, a sub-podcast of Practical Change for Midlife Lesbians, we continue our historical detour to follow the messy, fascinating life of Dr. Ezra Baker Jr. Before he ever got tangled in scandal or made his final landing in Philadelphia, he was a young man heading west with his extended family in search of cheap land and new opportunity.
We rewind to the early 1800s, when a newly independent nation was expanding fast, the Midwest was still the Northwest Territory, and capitalism was overtaking a fading mercantile economy. Ezra’s family—two households strong—packed up everything and moved to the frontier of Illinois. We explore what brought them there, who they traveled with (including a baby girl who would one day play a pivotal role in Ezra's life and legacy), and what he did once he arrived. And yes, I promise we’ll get to the Lincoln connection… just not quite yet.
Mentioned in this episode:
- Historic context of Ezra's dad's involvement in a young United States
- The Missouri Compromise and the politics shaping Ezra’s era
- Ezra Jr.’s role as a town-maker and mover and shaker
- A small baby named Kate who later becomes a key player in Ezra's story
- Why The Woodlands was right to keep me from messing with his grave
You can follow Ezra's known and less known story on this page (which I refer to but sometimes dispute): 🔗 https://www.minerd.com/bio-haupt_elisabethbaker.htm
🔗 A wee bit of info about Ezra Baker Sr: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ezra_Baker
🔗 Learn more about Dr. Dorsey S. Baker—the “famous Baker”—in this overview: HistoryLink.org — “Baker Boyer Bank opens in Walla Walla on November 10, 1869” ⠀⠀(covers his career from doctor and merchant to banker and railroad-builder)
https://www.historylink.org/File/8333
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#EzraBakerJr #MidwestHistory #FrontierLife #IllinoisHistory #BankingScandals #FamilySecrets #QueerPodcaster #LesbianHistorian #WomenWhoPodcast #PracticalChange #HistoryNerd #MidlifePivot #WabashIllinois #DorseySyngBaker #woodlandcemetary #Philadelphiagraves #hauptfamily
Interested in receiving coaching? Reach out! www.Practicalchangecoaching.com
Welcome to a special series within the Practical Change for MidLife Lesbians podcast: Unraveling Ezra — a journey into the life, legacy, and contradictions of my great-great-great grandfather, Ezra Baker Jr. MD.
This arc is a departure from my usual content, but sometimes, life pulls you in an unexpected direction. This is one of those times.
In this first episode, I share how a dramatic quote from a dusty 19th-century history book led me to a quiet cemetery plot near my home—and how that small contradiction launched a full-blown research quest across U.S. history, family folklore, political scandals, and personal reckoning.
Ezra Baker Jr. was a doctor, land speculator, a merchant, an entrepreneur, a postmaster, political appointee… Definitely an opportunist, and possibly a traitor. He was also definitely not as forgotten as people would like to believe—and not nearly as ruined as the record claims.
Along the way, I’m asking questions about legacy, masculinity, white privilege, reinvention, and the stories we choose to pass down.
Mentioned in this episode: * Quote from the Combined History of Edwards, Lawrence and Wabash Counties, Illinois (1883) * Ezra’s burial site at The Woodlands Cemetery in Philadelphia * Family narratives (and myths) from the Minerd.com Haupt-Baker page
Want to help? Got a tip? Do you know anything about the Bakers of Wabash County, Il? Do you love researching local history, 19th-century politics, or tracing lost archives? I’d love to hear from you. The story is much more interesting in the context of the times.
Contact me at: claire@clairebakerok.com
And of course -- If you want coaching, head over to PracticalChangeCoaching.com for more info.
Support the Podcast: If you enjoy this series or want more of this kind of storytelling, the best way to support it is to share it with a friend—or leave a review wherever you listen to podcasts.
#UnravelingEzra #FamilyHistory #QueerHistorian #MidLifeMystery #LegacyAndLoss #EzraBakerJr #WabashCounty #HistoricalScandal #CemeteryStories #HiddenHistory #PracticalChange #LesbianPodcaster #WomenWhoResearch #GraveyardStories #GenealogyNerd
In this inspiring and deeply personal episode, I sit down with Allison Landry to explore the transformative power of self-compassion. Allison and certified counselor Megan Welwood are offering a free 8-week online Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC) course starting February 3, 2025.
In our discussion, we dive into:
- What self-compassion is—and what it isn’t.
- Unique challenges faced by the LGBTQIA+ community and how self-compassion can help.
- Allison’s own journey toward embracing self-compassion.
- Practical strategies you can start using today to be kinder to yourself.
About the Free Course: Participants will learn empirically supported techniques from the Mindful Self Compassion program focusing on mindfulness, common humanity, and self-kindness. This program is a fantastic opportunity to develop tools that promote emotional resilience and greater self-acceptance.
How to Sign Up: Email meganallymsc@gmail.com to secure your spot in this life-changing course!
Tune in for a conversation full of warmth, insight, and actionable advice for midlife lesbians—and anyone looking to make practical changes to nurture themselves.
Welcome to Season 2! Unvarnished and short, it's a new dawn for Claire and Practical Change for Midlife Lesbians, but same great insights for those of us lesbians who are working on making changes we want. Visit Practical Change Coaching for more.
Did you make some resolutions or set some goals way back in January? At the midpoint of the year, it's a great time to take stock. How’s it going? Claire gives an update and offers suggestions for leaning into your values and getting past barriers to help you keep moving forward.
In addition, for the months of July & August 2023, Claire is giving away coaching and a free downloadable resource, PRACTICAL CHANGE WITH DESIGN THINKING - LESBIAN EDITION. Book your free session and get your free ebooklet.
You are also invited to join the private Facebook group “A Group of Our Own.” And you can follow Claire and Practical Change Coaching on these social media platforms:
TikTok
YouTube
And at www.practicalchangecoaching.com
Episode 30: Should I stay or should I go now? Sunk Cost Fallacy and Loss Aversion: Why do we tend to stay with something maybe longer than we should? How do we decide if it really is time to go? Doesn't the fact that I've already devoted a lot of time, money and energy to something mean that it's worth staying? What does it say about me if I decide to change direction? Live from the back yard, this episode explains sunk cost fallacy, loss aversion, and gives some steps you can take to sort out whether to stay or go.
Last Call! If you are a midlife lesbian, you need a shirt to proclaim it! Visit midlifelesbianmerch.com and get your garb in time for Pride.
You are invited to join the private Facebook group “A Group of Our Own.” And you can follow Claire and Practical Change Coaching on these social media platforms:
TikTok
YouTube
And at www.practicalchangecoaching.com
Episode 29: Interview with award winning writer and influencer Shakira Sison, columnist for Rappler. Shakira shares what it’s like to immigrate from the Philippines as a lesbian and how that experience shaped how she sees creating change in her life today.
Check out her writing at https://shakirasison.com/ and www.rappler.com/author/shakira-sison/
And here we are at our first in-person meeting!
If you are a midlife lesbian, you need a shirt to proclaim it! Visit midlifelesbianmerch.com and get your garb in time for Pride. You are also invited to join the private Facebook group “A Group of Our Own.” And you can follow Claire and Practical Change Coaching on these social media platforms:
TikTok Instagram
YouTube
And at www.practicalchangecoaching.com
Episode 28: Part 2 of the interview with actor, writer and director Alexandra Tydings, who is best known for her recurring role as Aphrodite in the TV serieses Xena, Warrior Princess and Hercules, The Legendary Journeys. Alex shared what it was really like being the scantily clad goddess of love on Hercules and Xena, being an out queer woman while on a show rife with lesbian subtext, her love for acting, and how she has reinvented herself and her career of 2.
If you are a midlife lesbian, you need a shirt to proclaim it! Visit midlifelesbianmerch.com and get your garb in time for Pride. You are also invited to join the private Facebook group “A Group of Our Own.” And you can follow Claire and Practical Change Coaching on these social media platforms:
TikTok
YouTube
And at www.practicalchangecoaching.com
Episode 27: An interview with actor, writer and director Alexandra Tydings, who is best known for her recurring role as Aphrodite in the TV serieses Xena, Warrior Princess and Hercules, The Legendary Journeys. For her “pandemic project,” Alex became a certified intimacy coordinator and has come full circle from lived experiences in her first roles on Showtime’s Red Shoe Diaries to now supporting actors and filmmakers get steamy yet safe sex scenes. This is part 1 of 2.
If you are a midlife lesbian, you are invited to join the private Facebook group “A Group of Our Own.” And you can follow Claire and Practical Change Coaching on these social media platforms:
TikTok
YouTube
And at www.practicalchangecoaching.com
The world is full of advice about how we should do things. Frequently that becomes a recipe for beating yourself up if what works for one person doesn't work for you. We've all been there - been offered a "system" or a collection of steps that if we follow them, we'll get the results want. We try it out for ourselves, only to find that it just doesn't work for us. And we make it mean that we are somehow flawed, rather than the system being a bad fit for us.
Claire suggests practical tips to actually feel better and make progress on your goals. You can let go of the pressure to fit into someone else's "solution" by acknowledging that wherever you are, it's all a part of your process. I really is okay if what works for one person doesn't work for you.
#midlifelesbian #lesbianlifecoach
Episode 25: An interview with accomplished lesbian distance runner and founder, organizer and coach for Philadelphia running group Lez Run, CC Tellez. CC is also the Associate Director of LGBTQ+ Programing at Students Run Philly Style and has served on numerous boards and in volunteer leadership roles in the Philadelphia area and nationally.
Originally from La Paz Bolivia, CC’s story is one of both lifting people up through the power of running, and also addressing inequality, inequity and exclusion, especially for nonbinary and transgender runners who have not been able to participate in runs and races in a way that aligns with their gender identity. Her story is one of making the world expand and be more inclusive, rather than accepting the status quo.
I the podcast, CC tells a delightful story of her personal challenge and connection to an icon in the women’s running world: Kathrine Switzer, who in 1967 was the first registered woman to run the Boston Marathon. Here’s a link of CC with Kathrine after her 2017 Right To Run 19K race, and you can see Claire, CC and others from their races and Saturday morning runs on Instagram and Facebook. If you would like to support LezRun with a financial contribution, contact Claire at Claire@clairebakerOK.com.
If you are a midlife lesbian, you are invited to join the private Facebook group “A Group of Our Own.” And you can follow Claire and Practical Change Coaching on these social media platforms:
TikTok
YouTube
And at www.practicalchangecoaching.com
Author Kathryn Nicolai shares how she originally started what has become the immensely popular podcast "Nothing Much Happens" as a project to help share her method of easily falling and staying asleep. Nicolai tells the story of the genesis of "Nothing Much Happens", which now has 85 million downloads, a book of the same title that has been published in 34 languages, and a second podcast called "First This", short guided mindfulness exercises for any time. She also talks about having aphantasia, being vulnerable, acknowledging risk and proceding anyway, and her desire to live a life not ruled by fear. As a bonus, her chihuahua Ladybug makes an audio contribution which would not be denied.
If you are a midlife lesbian, you are invited to join the private Facebook group “A Group of Our Own.” And you can follow Claire and Practical Change Coaching on these social media platforms:
TikTok
YouTube
And at www.practicalchangecoaching.com
Welcome to the second season of Practical Change for Midlife Lesbians, with host Claire Baker, professional certified coach. You are invited to join the private Facebook group “A Group of Our Own.”
January is typically a time for reflection, renewal and resolutions. Claire offers an alternative to the typical resolution – instead of focusing on outputs, set an intention to how you want to feel more of the time.
This episode was recorded along with a live TikTok event. You can follow Claire and Practical Change Coaching on these social media platforms:
TikTok
YouTube
And at www.practicalchangecoaching.com
I have Persistent Depression Disorder, also called dysthymia. 1.5% of the US population has it, and 2.5% will live with it at some point in their lives. Not as severe or debilitating as major depression, it is characterized by two years or more of symptoms without much break. People with PDD may be “high functioning” – able to get stuff done – but in my case, I feel like I’m working on feeling “less worse” much of the time. Even with glimmers of happier moments, I regularly feel like I “should” feel better or that I must not be trying hard enough. It’s the “shoulds” and the “trying harder” that may actually be making the emergence into a happier affect more elusive. In this podcast episode, I give an analogy of how trying harder can work against us. And I call BS on those who say “It’s not that bad,” or “You just need to make yourself do the things you don’t want to do.” We all deserve to be seen and heard, and I call BS on “just do it” as tone-deaf and contributing to making people feel invisible and unheard.
#PersistentDepressionDisorder #dysthymia #lesbianlifecoach #lesbians
www.practicalchangecoaching.com
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Thoughts happen, right? It’s part of being human to have thoughts pop into our heads. As we get used to a thought, or keep practicing it, it becomes a habit. Once it’s a habit, it’s easy to belief it as a fact. “My boss is a jerk!” can feel like a fact. But is it? This podcast is all about helping to sort out thoughts from circumstances, what our thoughts do to us and what feelings they evoke. And since we act from how we feel, the results we get are a direct reflection of the thought that started the whole cascade.
With practice, you can change your thoughts when you want to. But it’s not as easy as just saying different words that you want to believe. Your brain won’t buy it. And your brain will pick up on the vibe of a thought that may sound good, but which is really a wolf in sheep’s clothing. This episode is all about sorting it out, and a suggestion for a daily practice to help you get good at seeing how our thoughts ultimately deliver the results we get.
If you are enjoying this podcast, please leave a review! And visit PracticalChangeCoaching.com to sign up for the mailing list and get the free guide: Practical Change with Design Thinking: Lesbian Edition.
#midlifelesbian
#lesbianlifecoach
#lesbianblogger
Midlife lesbian Stephanie Carnahan, founder and executive director of Fawn Hills Animal Sanctuary and Care Farm, is the embodiment of creating Practical Change. When coming out In her early twenties informed her life decisions and she took a path away from a career that involved the care of animals, she created a career working to improve the lives of people. Then, in her late 40’s, she and her wife made some key decisions to made her once-upon-a-time vision come true in a different but doable and rewarding way. And, she still has her “day job” while doing it.
This is a second in a series of interviews of women who are creating from a place of interest, excitement, fun and joy without the expectation that it will replace their day jobs.
You can learn more about Fawn Hills Animal Sanctuary and Care Farm at FawnHills.org.
If you are interested in making practical change in your own life, visit practicalchangecoaching.com, and if you are enjoying the podcast, please give a review and share with your friends.
#midlifelesbian
#lesbianblogger
#lesbiancoach
On this podcast, I share some interesting market research on our community, and how I accidentally stumbled into what felt like a hornet’s nest of awful haters and trolls on Facebook. It’s hard to ignore the level of venom that gets leveled at our community at the mere mention of us having relationships, even if there’s nothing explicit about it. On the other hand, when I broke down the math, my additional insights were a bit more revealing. I invite you to the survey mentioned in the podcast – visit www.PracticalChangeCoaching.com/survey.
To showcase the fiction of best-selling author Melissa Good, enjoy chapter 1 of Partners, the first of her series of sci-fi lesbian fiction. If you are a fan of dystopian futures, imaginative evolution outcomes, dark but redeemable heroes and ingenues who become badasses, you'll love Partners. Let me know if you'd like to hear more from the series!
This is the first in an arc of podcasts featuring guests who have created interesting and inspiring avocations that enrich their lives, even as they continue to work in their “day jobs.” These women are creators or helpers or both.
For this episode, I am very pleased to introduce Melissa Good. Missy is a prolific author who started writing for public consumption twenty-five years ago in the genre of Xena fan fiction, and then not long after, branched out into original work that featured our familiar heroines but set in today’s world, and later, in a sci fi world. As noted on Amazon, Missy’s first published book Tropical Storm "took the lesbian reading world by storm with a tale of heartache, longing, family strife, lust for love, and redemption."
Writing non-stop since then, Missy is a best-selling author of dozens of books that are available to purchase in print or digitally. Or if you want, you can read them for free on her website, Merwolf.com. Why? Because she writes for her own entertainment.
#xena #xenafanfic #xenite #xenites
We all want something. Sometimes big, sometimes modest. Lose 10 pounds. Make a million dollars. Find or repair that relationship. Learn to sew. We want what we want because of how we think we will feel once we have it. If we aren't able to find feelings along the way that we enjoy – even if it's just anticipation of the future having of the thing – then the journey to that particular outcome will be much harder to sustain over time. And let's face it, once we have that thing, we are just going to want something else next. What if you were able to feel better while you are on your way to whatever the it is? Here's my story of pursuing a dream and getting a different – and more valuable – outcome than I anticipated.
Sometimes our brains lead us to believe that the only way to get to where we want to go is to gut it out, use a lot of effort, and never rest. But our brains don't know everything! What if you adopted some regular practices that build slow and incremental into your day or your work? Learn more, and get some ideas for how to slow it down to get you where you are going and maybe even enjoy the journey a bit more.
Sometimes the things that are holding us back from the life we want are borne from little T traumas from our past, even if we do not recognize it in the moment. What worked then might be a barrier now. So what's to be done about it?
We all go through times of feeling like we don't have what we need. Scarcity does a number on our brain. It makes us slower and worse at problem-solving when we most need to have our wits about us. This podcast illuminates what's really going on, offers some clarity on how to sort out what you really need from what you think you need, and some strategies to manage scarcity mindset. And no, the answer isn't "think abundance."
Didn't get the job? The new relationship you thought had long-term potential fizzled? Didn't get the thing that you were going for or hoping would happen? It ray-e-ained on your wedding day (a la Alanis Moressette)? Disappointment is a real part of life, with real brain chemistry that makes it hurt, sometimes without relief. Is the answer to lower your expectations to protect yourself from pain?
How we talk to ourselves and how we frame our thoughts about our circumstances has a defining influence on whether we get what we want. Listen in for some practical suggestions for changing the conversation.
Even though our thoughts dictate our feelings, sometimes we can take actions that improve our mood and get us to a place of thinking more constructively. Here are a few quick cheap and easy ideas to feel better right away and get you moving to where you want to be.
Borrowing from personal finance advice, it's truly in your best interest to do those things daily that set you up for the day/week/year/ life you want to have.
To make changes you want, you have to have hope that it's possible. But you can't have change without some fear. How do you balance pursuing what you want when you are afraid that it won't work out?
What can Team Martina teach us today about cutting ourselves some slack AND working toward a future we want? Lesbian wisdom from the 80's is right here for you!
Are we worthy of forgiveness? Are others? What would it take to move from guilt and shame about things we've done in the past, or blame and anger at others for their behaviors. Do we even want to? What does forgiveness even mean?
Why do we want what we want? And if we can figure out how to be happy (or maybe just not miserable) right where we are, does that take away our desire to create something new for ourselves?
When we decide to make a change, it's because we think we'll feel better after we make it happen. So what's happening when we set a goal and don't make it? Using a desire to lose weight as an example, this episode explores where things go off track and offers a different way to think about approaching it.
We may think that the status quo is better than change, or that to make change happen, we have to throw a granade and blow things up. But what if it could unfold differently?
In this episode, we explore what to think, feel and do when your grown son comes to town but doesn't call.
We midlife lesbians need a podcast of our own! Welcome to Practical Change for Midlife Lesbians. In this one corner of the world, we are not invisible and we can start creating some practical change for the next part of our lives. Claire Baker of PracticalChangeCoaching.com is your host.