Pivotal Drifting: Recent Episodes
Sean Daly
Pivotal Drifting was born out of the spark and fire that was lost in me since before I could remember. In this podcast, I will be talking about the struggles that becoming a wayfarer of this world takes. Some would call this a midlife crisis but I think of this as a turning point in my life. I have experienced the spectrum of the "American Dream" the wife, the 2 car garage, and the dream 6 figure income job. However, even after all of that my depression still exists. If you want to follow my pivotal drifting experience you can find out more at www.seanfdaly.com
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Hey guys, welcome back to the pitvol drifting podcast a lot has happened since I last shared. I finished my ayahuasca (Yage) experience, I came back from Colombia after 2 weeks, broke up with my partner, I probably spent already about 4k on personal development programs/coaches (when I SHOULD BE SAVING!), Lost a ton of muscle/weight and working to get back into it, going primarily plant based for my diet (but need high quality meats once in a while for my blood type),
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I made it! I made it successfully to Colombia and wow what an amazing experience so far! My Spanish isn't paying off too much but it comes in handy to have broken one word conversations to people. These masks don't help anything that's for sure! I don't know if it's soft spoken conversations or they really can't understand me. Either way I'm getting by on what i learned. Also, might i say that Medellín has these most beautiful women i have ever seen. I have not met/seen a woman that does not "do it" for me. Old, young, my age all are just delightful. And something that brings me great joy is seeing these beautiful figures, and my attempts to be engaging in my broken spanish have been humorous to myself.
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Well it's 3 days before my trip to Colombia and in the wonderful fashion that is Sean Daly I have not packed ANYTHING not even attempted. So, today i packed for the first time. I got these wonderful packing cubes.... Added all my things to the packing cubes annnnnnnnddddd nothing fit into my 40L bag. Oh crap... What did I learn today that compression packing cubes are GARBAGE (could just be the kind of packing cubes that i got as well). Thank you Jeff Bezos for making Amazon returns so flipping simple! Also! How in the heck do people travel for 10 - 12 years on a US passport?!?! Some countries in the EU have 180 day cycles with 90 days being allowed in the country with restrictions on money you have available to you as well. Someone explain to me world travel nomad laws of visas and wandering!?! Anyways, I'm done procrastinating time for bed I'll pick this up in the morning "_"
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Matthew McConaughey in his acceptance speech for an Oscar he won had me thinking today. Who is my hero? I didn't have an answer to this and only notice what I don't have. Who I am not today. So, i believe will hold onto Matthew's truth as I think it means more to me today then it did in the past. My hero is me 10 years from now. Maybe that is to far ahead can my brain even comprehend the dreams of a man that is me 10 years from now?! Would my dreams even be large enough to fill the role that 43 year old me will fill? Well as Les Brown said a dream can become a reality when we focus on what is POSSIBLE. So, if everything is possible then what does that vision look like what does that path feel like? So, my hero is me 43 years from today from this moment forward. Now who is that man? This is something I'll dive into later. Abraham Lincoln said "the best way to predict your future is to create it". What are you creating?
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I felt called to share these truths. I have been fasting for the last 3 days on just tea alone. Listening to these plants and what they had to share. I was having prophetic dreams (I never dream or at least remember them) and I share some of those, I also talk about somethings that came up and realizations that I had during these 3 days. At first, I thought that I was not getting anything from the plants but they gave me what I needed not what I wanted.
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What is luck really? If the world is a perception of what you see what is luck really? In a video I watched recently of video Darren Brown convinced an entire town that a dog statue in the town is lucky. The rumor started with a simple question "have you heard of the lucky dog?". In the video, I thought it was going to be about the sheep mentality of people but really what I got was confirmation that the way we see world shapes it. What opportunities am I avoiding? What opportunities am I not aware of? What opportunities have I missed? It's easy to look back on things and see how they all fall into place but in that moment none of these things actually connect. We just connect the pieces ourselves so that it has meaning for us.
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I'm not a podcaster. A very meta concept that I was having with myself about these conversations with myself. How is it possible that I can grow and expand from my beliefs and concepts if I am only talking to myself or is it better to have this conversation with others to raise my own awareness.
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I am all the over place it's been over a week since I talked to myself or talked to all of you and in doing so I lack confidence and I'm all over the place in this recording. Let's face it through I was all over the place anyways 😂
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I recently watched a free documentary on youtube called "finding joe" basically a number of authors and screenwriters talk about Joseph Campbell's hero journey model that is found in every human and is part of every story we love, and movie we enjoy. After and during this documentary it got me thinking about my own hero journeys and how I came be where I am today. Talking to myself in a phone documenting this path I am on for my own sanity and hopefully the sanity of someone else that might be experiencing a similar situation or struggling with something. Furthermore, I talk about identifying as a provider and that if I can not provide financial support I feel worthless and unvalued. I didn't talk about it in this episode but I found this great app called habitshare on both iOS and Android play store. Anyways, I have been using it for 2 days now and helps me to keep track of some new habits I am developing also added bonus is you can share your habits with a friend so you can hold yourself more accountable and they can too the best part of all of this!?! It's free!
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I am changing this format of distribution instead of a daily account of this (which... yeah even I was bored) it will be a weekly episode and here and there some peppered thoughts and or things that were on my mind or troubling me. I have been looking for a psychologist and or someone to talk with but have been unsuccessful in all my attempts. I even thought about joining another men's group that the "leader" said he would connect me with someone that could help even if I wasn't considering joining the group. Well, turns out that's not the case because he just ignores me. I think this just shows is character as a man but I digress from this point. I also had a chance to talk with one of my old military buddies that just got back into music production. One of his most recent songs was talking about feeling lonely but not being alone. We got on the topics of depression and other things we been dealing with. Also, kind of processed some thoughts I had on doing things for other people and not for myself.
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Just got back from some weekend adventures, disagreements and standing my ground on topics. I am unsure if my stubbornness is good or bad in this situation because I ultimately didn't get what I wanted to experience but in not getting to experience that thing 😜. I actually got to experience some other really cool things that I don't think I ever would have gotten to do if I did get that short lived moment. Either way, I am happy about the direction that things went this weekend and it's not like this "thing" will never happen again. I will say that what I did with my Girlfriend over the last couple of days could be experienced with other people but not with her and I am really grateful that we got to share in all these really amazing moments. I am also debating on the benefit of a daily account of sorts with myself or if this should be a fun weekly check-in... If it's weekly these could be really long! Or I just forget everything that I did and still not have a clue what I will talk about on that specific day. At any rate, I am leaving San Francisco shortly and have experienced most if not all of the places, things that I wanted to experience, I spent more then I hoped, and saw and did things with an amazing woman that just loves life in a way that I can not fathom currently.
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This staying present is really seeing some amazing results. My food tastes better, music is enjoyable, and my experiences deeper and more meaningful. I do however have a headache that is messing with me but I am working through it because I do get these headaches often and usually most of the time it's unexpected, and unexplained for me.
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It's my birthday and it was amazing. I honestly wasn't expecting much since I am working on being more present in the moment. But was incredibly surprised at the out pour of support, love, genuine appreciation today. I went to work for a bit but was surprised by Indian food for lunch then later that evening she took me to this French bistro down the road where I had the best meal! I am obsessed with different flavors and textures you add to it the presence I was working on and it was deadly! The mussels, the escargot, mushroom raviolis, to the main dish Cuisse de Canard Confit Wellington! Then the chef surprised us this vanilla crème Brule. It was just an amazing night and couldn't think of a better way to spend it!
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I had planned to take the day off before my birthday but didn't end up getting to leave the house till after 1pm today. Either way set out on a random journey that turned more focused as I GPS to a particular spot to get a few things for some up coming birthdays. The difference today was I was more focused on the enjoyment of getting to where I wanted to go not just going to the place I wanted to be. So, I got to ride around on these fun revel electric scooters and had this amazing meatloaf with mashed potatoes in this killer sauce from a little shop in Noe Valley that use to be a restaurant but due to covid-19 they had to make some serious shifts and changes to the place to continue to be in business. Then I watched the running mate debates with the house mates and my partner.
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I am reminded of what my mentor and friend said recently to me when we talked about my travel plans "I'd make a crappy bohemian" with a massive smile across his face. He told me for the first month or two that I'll want to have everything planned and coordinated and he's right! Even now I have a list of landmarks, shops, places I want to see while in San Francisco and I have been systematically knocking them out by section of this great city. Most are not all that great and probably the trip to the place was the more exciting part of the experience then actually getting to the location! Either way I am still challenging my beliefs about things everyday as I have heard nothing but bad things about SF and so far this place is AMAZING. The nature, architecture, the people is like nothing I have ever seen before.
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Gratitude- I am just incredibly grateful right now about how things are going and playing out. I have been having a great time here the house is amazing and San Francisco has been a very healing process just being here.
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I am trying to find a rhythm while I am away in San Francisco. I am conflicted in that I want to do these recordings but I also don't have anything interesting to say so it would just be some pointless ramblings (more then it already is). With that being said, San Francisco is amazing! The mix of the city with nature all around you is nothing I have ever seen before! Had a blast doing and exploring things that even locals have no clue existed! Not sure what I am going to do today but probably more exploring but this time on a bike!
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Made it to San Francisco and just trying to adjust to the new environment. I have to isolate because I need a clean test of covid and I don't want to upset any of the roommates. Currently, the air quality is crap so a lot of the plans I had might be effected. In addition, Uber's are costly so I might have to find some kind of rental because going anywhere in this place is costing quite a lot.
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Well it was bound to happen but didn't think it would happen so soon into this journey. I missed a day and didn't record anything. I could easily record something and say that it was day 9 but I didn't do it. I was focused on work then packing for my trip today. I can not promise myself that I will not miss another day but I must do something. I need to challenge myself to be better but still give myself some grace and not beat myself up for something so small. It's difficult, in my opinion, to record yourself talking then posting it to the world for anyone to listen. Still that being said, I have heard that the book "the slight edge" is something that could help me. We will see where that takes me.
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For the last 3 days I have been experiencing sadness I can't describe why it's happening but it feels like a part of me is dying or has died. I am scared of diving deeper into the darkness/emptiness that I am feeling because I am afraid that I won't be able to come back out of it. I am looking for professional help but have been unsuccessful in my attempts to locate someone ie no call backs or email returns.
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I have been feeling incredibly anti-social and immediately a little depressed. I am still working through donating and keeping things. In my piles of things I identified a massage chair table that my good friend might want. She said absolutely that she wanted it and took me to lunch as a thank you. At lunch, we discussed my marriage, life growing up, and the reasons for me going on this trip. The vision quest to challenge and rewire my thought patterns. I might be able to do this here right now but I also know me and I will have made excuse after excuse, after excuse about why I didn't do something. Anyways, this is why it has to be carry-on bag living and donating/selling all my belongings and ultimately giving notice to my career of 4 years at this company I am moving on. I am scared that I will go on this vision quest and find I have no passions, I have no gifts, and I am not meant for anything other then to be minion in some corporation behind a cubicle. At least I will know for sure and can accept my fate with dignity and respect. Somehow forcing myself to fit my circle peg into the square hole.
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I was in a little strange place today mentally. I had these moments of just zoning out. Then I started thinking about my San Francisco trip and started to get excited about these little places I will see while I am in the city. Places like the wave organ, chamber of secrets door, secret tile, staircase, the golden gate bridge, etc. Probably just going to get a bike rental and explore the whole place by myself if she is working not sure her schedule.
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It's cleaning day!!! Alright so house is cleaned everything is out now I'm going to spend the next couple of days (probably just till Thursday) continuing my carry on bag journey. I am so close I can almost taste it after getting a couple of moments of just toss it vibes I feel more liberated and alive then I have felt in many years.
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Moving day everyone! I am exhausted 🥱 I barely got any sleep last night when I got to my parents house around 11:30pm didn't get to bed till midnight then was woke up by good old Arizona sunshine 🤦♂️. I am exhausted as we moved the last of "big furniture" to places I gave to family members or just donated. What I have found is no one really cares how much you spent on something they only care about what they are willing to spend on it. Sure! They are grateful but the value I put on something doesn't mean anything because the value of my "thing" is really how another perceives it. Granted I could not agree with this view and go my own way but in my situation I don't have really many choices with needing to be out of the house for good before Oct 2nd.
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I BOUGHT another COURSE - I am not going to say this will be my last ever course/program BUT I am done paying for courses till I leave.
In this episode:
I talk about a new course that I bought spoiler alert I have NO clue what this course is about only that its shadow work and inner child work. Could use some help moving some things and probably need a massage after all this. Request for someone to hold me accountable to NOT buy another COURSE!!
P.S. I am convinced that the price of that monthly group was $2020 because of this year... original thinking.....
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Downsizing continues. I got an offer on my house and now I need to UP my timeline for getting myself down to just a carry on. I have already gone through three large black trash bags to the local GoodWill filled with clothes and shoes (mainly clothes). I still have at least a closet full of clothes that I am having a REALLY hard time getting rid of. In addition, I need to pack up my dishes, and my pots and pans. I have till Oct 23rd to get it all out HOWEVER I am visiting my partner in San Francisco Oct 2nd thru Oct 15th (both our birthdays fall within this week). THEN going up north with some friends on Oct 19th if I don't get all this stuff out I have to cancel some things AND I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT!
In this Episode:
I talk about attachment to material things and difficulties I am facing with going from a 1,900 SQFT house to a carry on bag. Me in my seductive voice.... and Yes I am really that sexy. Pretty sure I go on some rant about travel bloggers finishing college then entering the work force for a year or two then traveling the world and doing better then what I have, or anyone else has done in life and they seem genuinely pretty happy about it. (Definitely a lot of envy and jealousy I am feeling that THEY found out this before I ever even DREAMED of doing it).
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