Holding the Fort Abroad

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Synopsis:In this episode, I sit down with Anna Skorobogatowa, a powerhouse diplomatic spouse, mentor, and founder of Not Just a Spouse. Anna shares honest stories about juggling career aspirations, raising three kids, and handling life’s curveballs - including sudden evacuations and living apart as a family.

We explore the unseen resilience it takes to support a family across borders, navigate parenting separately at times, reinventing yourself during constant change. We also underline the vital importance of community and sharing with each other.

The episode is a shout out to diplomatic spouses, who sometimes also live geographically separate.

Here are 3 key takeaways for anyone navigating a life that’s anything but ordinary:

Community & Safe Spaces: Anna talks about why she created both in-person and global meetups for diplomatic and expat spouses: to tackle isolation, share the unspoken challenges, and offer real, judgment-free support.
The Realities of Time Apart: Anna opens up about juggling a demanding degree, parenting three young children, and how repeated separations—sometimes due to emergencies—stretched her to her limits.
Survival Mode & Self-Care: Both Anna and I reflect on those “crawl-through-the-day” periods. Anna emphasizes the lifesaving power of support networks and why giving yourself permission to ask for, pay for, or creatively source help is not a luxury, but a necessity.
Adapting and Reinventing: Hear how Anna’s experience of multiple moves, solo transitions, and even evacuations forged a deep adaptability and strategic mindset—plus practical examples of how she made life work (like moving into a fully furnished home rather than starting from scratch)!
The Importance of Validation: Anna and I validate the challenge and resilience it takes to hold the fort abroad. You’re not “just” anything: you’re resourceful, adaptable, and deserving of support.

Join Anna’s next online community event here

Diplomatic and expat spouses: your resilience, adaptability, and resourcefulness are incredible. Let’s keep lifting each other up and advocating for the support all globally mobile families deserve!

Looking for more?

Check out Anna’s initiative, Not Just a Spouse, and the Unpacked podcast for deeper dives into diplomatic spouse life.

Contact Rhoda: rhoda@amulticulturallife.com

Receive news regularly on new episodes of HTFA Podcast and on new events and resources. Subscribe to my newsletter.

Buy the book: Holding the Fort Abroad

Your partner's job opportunity in another country seemed like an exciting idea, but lengthy work assignments mean you're holding down the family fort - alone.

OR Your partner is working and living in another country, and you feel like you are shouldering all the home responsibilities alone.

You may be wondering:

How can we be a family when we're miles apart?
Can I cope, alone, when troubles arise?

I believe there are answers to the above questions, and the answers start with you. In this context, it's more important than ever to invest in yourself, to care for yourself, to set your own goals and to watch yourself grow. Equally important is to nurture your relationship with your partner and learn to parent together.

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Synopsis:“My conclusion is that at the end of the day, what matters is the strategies that couples use to navigate the stress. And this is sort of then what mediates between the stressors and the couple's satisfaction.”

In this episode, Julia Paulsson Jandl and I talk about the findings of her research in the aid and development sector: the challenges couples face and the strategies that they use. She is a seasoned humanitarian and development specialist, a relationship counselor and coach. She has just finished her Masters Thesis on couple satisfaction in that sector.. Interestingly, 12% of participants were in split location situations and 24% alternated so we delved into this aspect too. Her insights are useful not just for aid-sector families, but for anyone navigating high-mobility or long-distance relationship challenges.

Key Takeaways:

Julia Paulsson’s research emphasises that while the pressures of aid work and split location create unique challenges, satisfaction and relational resilience are possible through intentionality, open communication, creative rituals, and mutual respect for each partner’s individuality. The common thread is not the absence of challenge, but the presence of agreed-upon strategies to keep the relationship - and both individuals - healthy.

1. Specific Strategies from the Study: Making Relationships Work

Julia’s research didn’t just dwell on the challenges; it also lifted out practical, evidence-backed strategies that resilient couples use, which can be helpful whether you’re living in the same place or miles apart:

A. Commitment as Active Practice

Couples emphasized “commitment as an anchor”—it’s not passive but an ongoing, active choice (“minute by minute decision”) to show up, protect your partner’s interests, and maintain fairness and respect.

B. Prioritizing Both Individuality and the Couple

Resilient couples pursue both individual and shared goals. Making intentional space for each partner’s dreams, interests, and career ambitions—even if not realized at the same time—was key to long-term satisfaction and avoiding resentment.

C. Intentional Boundaries and “Rules”

Many couples developed rules and agreements to manage the intersection between demanding aid work and personal life. Examples included:
Agreed limits on time apart (for split location couples: “maximum amount of time we are willing to be apart”)
Family guidelines about what types of duty stations or posts were acceptable (“veto rules”)
Minimum standards for things like schooling or healthcare access for the accompanying family
Rituals to prioritize couple time-such as trying to be home for dinner or bedtime when possible, even if exceptions arise

D. Communication and Difficult Conversations

Successful couples had learned how to tackle difficult discussions directly—about moves, career priorities, and unmet needs—while being open to influence and willing to negotiate.

E. Drawing From the Gottman “Six Magic Hours” Approach

Julia shared research-based recommendations rooted in the Gottman method:

Partings and Reunions: Mindful transitions whether in daily routines or returning after periods apart—using messages, video notes, or rituals to connect even when physically distant.
Appreciation and Admiration: Actively express positive observations, using messages or journals, to counterbalance negativity bias.
Affection: This can be a challenge at a distance, but couples find creative ways (sharing clothing, sending heartbeats using smartwatches, or even virtual hugs).
Date Nights: Don’t have to be dinner out—could be a virtual movie, shared meal via video, or just a dedicated walk-and-talk.
State of the Union Check-Ins: Regular reviews—not just to surface grievances but to celebrate successes and keep in tune with each other even in asynchronous time zones.
Repair Attempts: Learning the art of reconciliation after disagreements, and recognizing that “every couple under the sun fights”—the difference is how you reconnect.

F. Flexibility and Seasonality

Couples acknowledged there will be seasons where one partner’s career might take precedence, but this should rotate and never be permanently lopsided.

2. Split Location Relationships in the Aid Sector

Julia Paulsson’s research looked deeply at couples, including those navigating split location arrangements, within the humanitarian and development sector. About 36% of her respondents lived in split locations either permanently or alternated between periods together and apart. The findings were illuminating in several ways:

A. Relationship Satisfaction

Contrary to common assumptions, her study found that couples living apart in split locations had comparable levels of relationship satisfaction to those who always lived together. Julia emphasized that “being in different locations in itself does not predict relationship satisfaction.” The structure of the relationship (together or apart) isn’t as significant as how the couple actually manages the distance and accompanying stressors.

B. Terminology

Participants described “split location” in various ways—using terms like “long distance,” “different locations,” or simply “alternating living arrangements.”

C. Unique Stressors

In split setups, the lines between work and personal life can become even more blurred. Without a partner physically present to encourage boundaries (“hey, log off your emails”), aid workers reported it was easy for professional demands to consume all aspects of life.

D. Physical Affection While Apart

This area is particularly challenging; couples find substitute strategies (e.g., sending personal items, digital touchpoints, or creative technology use), but nothing fully replaces physical closeness.

E. Impact on Both Partners

Whether the non-aid-working spouse accompanied their partner or stayed behind, both scenarios could intensify challenges around identity, financial dependence, stalled careers, and emotional strain. Julia points out, “your life is being colonized by your partner's job” resonated strongly with many.

F. Gender Dynamics

Women who were the primary traveler or aid worker faced additional scrutiny, stigma, and challenges around balancing caregiving, with research noting lower rates of marriage and children among female aid workers.

Articles and Resources mentioned in this episode

Gottman’s magic hours
Download free pdf
Loneliness like smoking 15 cigarettes a day Dr Julianne Holt-Lunstad
Are women paying a higher price for a UN career? Henrik Ryden
HTFA Episode #72

Visit Julia’s website - www.juliapaulsson.com

Contact Rhoda: rhoda@amulticulturallife.com

Receive news regularly on new episodes of HTFA Podcast and on new events and resources. Subscribe to my newsletter.

Buy the book: Holding the Fort Abroad

Your partner's job opportunity in another country seemed like an exciting idea, but lengthy work assignments mean you're holding down the family fort - alone.

OR Your partner is working and living in another country, and you feel like you are shouldering all the home responsibilities alone.

You may be wondering:

How can we be a family when we're miles apart?
Can I cope, alone, when troubles arise?

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Synopsis:This episode is more of a personal episode as our family has been through a huge transition this year. I was also contemplating that it was a complex transition with more than one change going on over this summer. I share an update but also what I found most helpful.

Application of the 5 Pillar Framework during Transitions

Personal Well-being: tracking sleep, 30 minutes ‘brain reset’, checking in on personal needs, blood tests for mineral deficiencies and stress markers
Couple Relationship: coping with limited time together, focus on logistics and admin, balancing intensity and connection
Parenting: supporting children (especially teens) through transitions, creating open space for emotional sharing
Transitions: acknowledging the challenge and normalizing the stress that comes with it
Emergencies: dealing with unexpected issues (e.g., canceled flight tickets, administrative challenges), learning the value of resilience and stubbornness.

Contact Rhoda on rhoda@amulticulturallife.com

Receive news regularly on new episodes of HTFA Podcast and on new events and resources. Subscribe to my newsletter.

Buy the book: Holding the Fort Abroad

Your partner's job opportunity in another country seemed like an exciting idea, but lengthy work assignments mean you're holding down the family fort - alone.

OR Your partner is working and living in another country, and you feel like you are shouldering all the home responsibilities alone.

You may be wondering:

How can we be a family when we're miles apart?
Can I cope, alone, when troubles arise?

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This is a quick announcement to let any new listeners know that I traditionally do not publish new episodes in August. It gives me a chance to pause a bit and it also gives you the opportunity to listen to previous episodes, especially if you can only listen to one every so often.

You can search the episodes by topic on my website rhodabangerter.com/podcast for example mums who travel or transitions or split location. There will be more episodes in French as an opportunity arises. I record them. They are numbered F1,F2 etc

If you are with the kids on summer holidays alone then episode 50 is for you with a reminder to make memories and make the time work for you too not just for your kids.

I'm grateful this year to have been ranked #35/100 in Feedspot's 100 best expat podcasts. It's a great recognition of the impact of the podcast and also of what we are living when geographical separation or a parent travels for work

As a family, we are on another split location. I can't give you as many details as last time when I wrote a whole book about it but rest assured I am taking notes and will share when possible. Especially now as we live it with teenagers.

If you haven't signed up for my newsletter then you can go to the link. This will keep you informed of new episodes and new resources coming out.

Remember wherever you are, wherever your partner is you are not alone.

Buy the book: Holding the Fort Abroad

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Synopsis:Men and emotions, a topic that often goes unspoken. This conversation offers insights and practical advice for men struggling to navigate their feelings—especially against the backdrop of expat life and being away from family for work. We discuss loneliness, anger, anxiety, guilt. Whether you’re a man living abroad, a partner supporting one, or simply interested in emotional wellness across cultures, this episode brings actionable tips, and hopeful encouragement for the journey. Chris Moyer is a leader in Third Culture Kid care. He brings years of experience in coaching, counseling, and supporting expatriates. He currently lives with his family in France.

“I think your average man may not necessarily feel the need for a discussion like this, but the reality is that men and women are emotional beings and part of our overall health is emotional wellness. And so finding a way to bridge that gap is really important and something that I'm quite passionate about.”

KEY THEMES:

1. Men and Emotional Expression

Rhoda and Chris explore the unique challenges men face around acknowledging, understanding, and expressing emotions—particularly in the context of expat and globally mobile lifestyles. Chris highlights how men often lack “permission” to be emotional, with social norms limiting emotional discourse mainly to anger. , “Many of us have learned one way or another that as men, emotions are typically not okay. They’re a sign of weakness.

2. The Importance of Emotional Health

Emotional health is tied to overall wellbeing and healthy relationships. The conversation compares emotional self-care to physical health maintenance—a proactive, ongoing practice rather than only a reactive one.

3. Navigating Difficult Feelings Abroad

Living abroad, especially for men, can intensify feelings such as loneliness, guilt, anxiety, and resentment. Chris shares his personal experience with loneliness when his family travels, and they discuss how these emotions are often magnified by distance or the transient nature of expat life.

4. Overcoming Stigma and Building Support

Chris speaks on the stigma men face seeking support (from friends or professionals) for emotions like anxiety or guilt. Men often struggle to find spaces or relationships that allow honest emotional conversation, as “fixing” is the default response from others.

5. Family & Cultural Impact

The role of upbringing, culture, and family dynamics is discussed, including how societal expectations shape the emotional lives of men and perpetuate certain patterns (or help break them in the case of intentional parenting).

6. Actionable Tips & Resources

Permission & Awareness: The first step for men is granting themselves permission to feel and name emotions.

Relationships & Mentors:

Cultivating close, trusted friendships and finding mentors can create spaces for vulnerability.
Intentionally build a core support group, especially as a transient expat. This can sometimes take years.
Normalise emotional conversations among men, and don’t be afraid to seek or offer presence rather than solutions.

“it's more about a way of life. To me it's about checking in with myself regularly. And so part of that is I've got a mentor who I meet with on a regular basis, somebody who's walked a very similar way of life, who's a dear friend, but also a mentor who just listens and encourages”

Physical Activity: Movement and exercise are powerful tools for managing emotional stress and processing feelings.

“Making sure that we're taking care of our bodies is critical, it doesn't solve all of our emotional stuff, but it does get out a lot of some of the angst that we can be feeling.”

Proactive Self-Care:

Routinely checking in with yourself and your support network is key—don’t wait until emotional “warning lights” flash.
Proactively prepare emotionally before relocating or traveling for extended periods.

“how are you building into your emotional health in a proactive way? If you're doing that, I think you're going to have what you need around you to help you when the crisis comes. Because crises come, that's just part of life”

Professional Help: Sometimes professional support is essential, and there’s no shame in seeking it.

“Part of the human journey is learning how to relate to myself, and then how I relate to others, whether it’s my emotions or theirs.”

Resources mentioned in this episode: * Top Tip Sheet: How To Manage Intense Emotions * Book The Winding Road to Portugal: 20 Men from 11 Countries Share Their Stories: Ross, Louise: 9781905597994: Amazon.com: Books * Holding the Fort Podcast Episodes on Emotions * Episode #49: Tapping and managing emotions * Episode #43: Related emotional wellness topics

Contact Chris Moyer on his LinkedIn Page https://www.linkedin.com/in/chris-j-moyer/

Receive news regularly on new episodes of HTFA Podcast and on new events and resources. Subscribe to my newsletter.

Buy the book: Holding the Fort Abroad

Your partner's job opportunity in another country seemed like an exciting idea, but lengthy work assignments mean you're holding down the family fort - alone.

OR Your partner is working and living in another country, and you feel like you are shouldering all the home responsibilities alone.

You may be wondering:

How can we be a family when we're miles apart?
Can I cope, alone, when troubles arise?

View Details

Synopsis:As the spouse of a World bank executive for over 30 years, Daniela Draugelis has experienced firsthand the unique challenges and growth that come with raising a family while navigating extended work travel, often more than 100 days a year. Daniela is an intercultural trainer, a certified professional coach and cultural intelligence facilitator with over 20 years of experience living and working across cultures. Today, she helps expats, diplomats and internationally mobile families thrive through coaching and training that blends cultural intelligence, energy, leadership, and deep personal insight.

In the children’s early years, Daniela’s husband was absent for periods of travel lasting 4-5 weeks, repeated absences from when children were newborns to age six or seven. Later years: transition to more local/domestic weekly travel; changes in family rhythm
Emotional and Practical Impact of Early Years Absences
Daniela’s experience of isolation: living outside her home country, lack of support system, balancing professional life, childcare, and household responsibilities during husband’s absences.
Impact of child’s health condition (breath holding spells) on couple’s decision that Daniela would pause her career to focus on her child’s health.
Importance of local friendships and informal support networks Examples of reaching out to neighbors for help (especially during illness)
Using calendars and stickers to help young children understand the duration of absences Rituals for departure and return: airport drop-offs/pick-ups as a family routine. Managing children’s expectations and emotions around time and connection
Brief conversations with young children. Mainly Daniela’s husband consistently made the effort to be involved with children’s lives and to never miss major milestones
Navigating Reentry and Shifting Dynamics
Jet lag and fatigue upon return
Challenges for Daniela switching between solo-parenting and co-parenting
Maintaining authority and involvement for both parents
Establishing and Preserving Father-Child Bonds
Deliberate decision to let “fishing” be a special dad-and-children activity
Creating unique touchpoints for father-child connection that persist into adulthood
Children’s current relationships with their father
strong bonds
no lasting resentment
In children’s older years, the rhythm of travel changed. Availability of household help, school routines, and after-school activities easing stress for Daniela
Focus on family time during reunions, sometimes at the expense of couple time
Reflection on the need for intentional couple routines and conversation
Challenges in maintaining both professional and marital identities for Daniela
Daniela’s return to Personal and Professional Fulfillment
Volunteering, skill-building, and staying engaged while not formally employed
Transition into new career as a coach and intercultural facilitator
Hindsight and Lessons Learned
Wish for more guidance and support in earlier years
The value of not feeling alone, and building routines for smoother transitions
Importance of discussing changes and keeping the traveling partner updated on family life

Resources mentioned in this episode: The ICAN Model, developed by Dr Ken Canfield stands for Intentional Involvement, Consistency, Awareness, Nurturing, This model works well for parenting at a distance and can be supported by both parents.

Read more about it here How the ICAN Model Helps Families Stay Connected When One Parent Travels - Rhoda Bangerter

How to contact Daniela Draugelis Connect with her on LinkedIn

Visit her website: Cultural Pathways

Receive news regularly on new episodes of HTFA Podcast and on new events and resources. Subscribe to my newsletter.

Buy the book: Holding the Fort Abroad

Your partner's job opportunity in another country seemed like an exciting idea, but lengthy work assignments mean you're holding down the family fort - alone.

OR Your partner is working and living in another country, and you feel like you are shouldering all the home responsibilities alone.

You may be wondering:

How can we be a family when we're miles apart?
Can I cope, alone, when troubles arise?

View Details

Synopsis:Today my guest is Pascale. She and her husband are living in different countries and working in different countries and she's going to share a little bit what it's been like for her, what they've put in place and just how it works for them to encourage listeners, anyone who's living and working in different countries.

We always decide together which assignment is best for the family. We don't have any children so it's easier but we need to mind our dual careers. 00:26:17 - 00:26:30

Highlights from today’s episode:

1. Mutuality Over Martyrdom****

Pascale and her husband operate as a “winning team.” Each time one scales back for the other, it’s for the health of the bigger “us,” not as an IOU to lord over each other later. “Dual career needs dual involvement,” she says. “You can't do things on your own…it needs to be a winning team.”

2. Your Network Is Your Lifeline****

In each new country, Pascale sought out expat associations, not just for information about “where to shop” but, crucially, to ease the transition. Locally embedded friends and colleagues who “lift you up” are an emotional and practical anchor, especially when time zones and travel get in the way.

3. Relentless Communication - Even on Call****

With modern technology, they don’t let days go by without checking in—even if it’s just a quick chat to share their day. The only time they miss If she’s on call” Pascale says.

4. Redefining Milestones and Celebrations****

When you inevitably miss a birthday or family gathering, you don’t wallow: you reschedule, adapt, and invent new rituals. “Sometimes you can move things around—so you have to adapt.”

5. Reframing Criticism****

When faced with skepticism (“Why be together at all?”), Pascale notes that having supportive friends—often fellow expats who “know the problematics”—makes a world of difference. Find your tribe.

Not Just Survival, But Fulfillment

Pascale isn’t sugarcoating reality: sometimes, compromise means slower career progression. Sometimes, you truly do miss out. But, critically, solidarity, mutual support, the skill of adaptability and a willingness to see the adventure in the arrangement replaces doom with possibility.

“Look at the positive things first,” Pascale urges. “Work as a winning team within your couple and your family…and get a good network of support.”

This isn’t about pretending the split-location lifestyle is easy—or right for everyone. But for some the arrangement can flip the script: transforming anticipated loss into new connections, growth, and even fulfillment.

Sometimes, having your heart (and, yes, your luggage) in two places really can work.

Receive news regularly on new episodes of HTFA Podcast and on new events and resources.

Subscribe to my newsletter.

Your partner's job opportunity in another country seemed like an exciting idea, but lengthy work assignments mean you're holding down the family fort - alone.

OR Your partner is working and living in another country, and you feel like you are shouldering all the home responsibilities alone.

You may be wondering:

How can we be a family when we're miles apart?
Can I cope, alone, when troubles arise?

Buy the book: Holding the Fort Abroad

View Details

Synopsis:Karlijn Jacobs supports organisations to enhance the success of international relocations through a family centered approach. She is the world's first ombudsperson for international children and families.Today we're going to be speaking about what she does at Expat Valley, and we're also going to hear a bit of her story of a time when her husband was away for work.

Highlights from today’s episode:

Moving to Shanghai with the whole family - navigating change and maintaining both careers. Taking the decision together.
The importance of supporting families for a successful expatriation
Karlijn’s and her husband’s experience of commuting.
What led to the decision for Karlijn’s husband to commute to another country. ‘this was a good way to move forward…in the beginning, we thought we were getting the best of both worlds. My husband could progress his career and I would be home with the kids, close to our extended family and friends in the place that we wanted them to grow up. But, oh boy. 22:58 - 23:14
Underestimating repatriation
Adapting to the new setup: leaving on Tuesdays and returning on Thursdays evenings
The context matters as well: how many transitions are you going through at the same time: Birth, move, new job, repatriation? “I think it was really only after a year or so that it was fully dawning on us that we signed up for something that was a lot more complicated than we anticipated.” (23:55)
Open ended commuting assignments are harder “We realized that we signed up for something that we weren't going to make disappear. Like that was there, that was part of our normal routine. It wasn't a matter of investing time and energy and then you can finish that part 26:47 - 27:00
The difficulty of setting up a business at the same time (the first attempt at establishing a business with two children under 3, her husband commuting and Karlijn blaming herself and feeling she was failing as a parent)
The shifting between being 3 to being 4 people at the week-ends “the family dynamics, that would just change twice a week. Like it would drive all four of us nuts…for me to make that shift every so many days, that was exhausting.” 33:07 - 33:32
Understanding that ‘split location’ comes with common challenges
If you have people who can help ‘and they're only a phone call away, then pick up the phone, ask for help, protect your own sanity. Embrace that you don't have to do it all by yourself and take all the help you can get up there. 38:53 - 39:12

What stopped Karlijn from asking for help:

used to being independent
feeling she should be able to do it yourself
not wanting to be a burden

“if you really want to hold on to these beliefs, then don't sign up for it (commuting or split family assignment), because you can't do this all by yourself.” 38:01- 38:09

“I could have been so much more relaxed with myself as opposed to setting the bar really high, pretending that we were a normal family and then not, not succeeding because of all sorts of self imposed goals and objectives.” 40:15 - 40:30

Commuting with little children: transition times and colour coded calendars

Ask Karlijn anything about Successful Family Relocation Experiences in a 15-min call: https://calendly.com/expatvalley/ask-me-anything

email: karlijn@expatvalley.com

web: www.expatvalley.com

Receive news regularly on new episodes of HTFA Podcast and on new events and resources.

Subscribe to my newsletter.

Your partner's job opportunity in another country seemed like an exciting idea, but lengthy work assignments mean you're holding down the family fort - alone.

OR Your partner is working and living in another country, and you feel like you are shouldering all the home responsibilities alone.

You may be wondering:

How can we be a family when we're miles apart?
Can I cope, alone, when troubles arise?

Buy the book: Holding the Fort Abroad

View Details

Synopsis:

This episode dives into the complexities of intimacy, fidelity, and connection for couples navigating life in different locations. In this candid conversation with Couples Therapist, High Sensitivity Specialist and Sex Therapist Karina Lagarrigue we bring to the forefront the tough and often unspoken realities faced by partners separated by distance.

We unpack why issues like pornography and dating app use can arise. We discuss the loneliness and vulnerability that can lead couples to seek comfort online, and how seemingly simple actions can have deeper meanings and impacts on relationships.

Host Rhoda Bangerter and Karina Lagarrigue don’t shy away from the difficult questions: Is fidelity truly possible when you’re physically apart for months at a time? How do you build trust and intimacy when life keeps pulling you in different directions? And, most importantly, how do you create a safe space to talk about your needs and desires—no matter where you are in the world?

If you’ve ever struggled with maintaining closeness across the miles or wondered how to keep the connection alive, you’re not alone. This episode is full of empathy, practical advice, and encouragement for couples everywhere, and especially those living geographically separate across countries and continents. Tune in for an honest, nuanced look at modern intimacy and the power of communication, knowing yourself, creativity, and trust.

Key takeaways for anyone navigating these waters—whether you’re an expat, frequent traveler, or simply in a long-distance relationship:

🔹 Understanding the "Why" Matters

Before reacting to a partner’s use of technology—whether it’s pornography or dating apps—stop to ask why. Often, these behaviors stem from unmet needs, loneliness, or gaps in connection, not just disinterest or infidelity.

🔹 Communication & Boundaries Are Non-Negotiable

Meaningful conversations about needs, fears, and boundaries can transform how couples experience distance and sexual intimacy. Don’t wait for a crisis to talk; proactively clarify what fidelity and trust look like in your unique context.

🔹 Intimacy Is Broader Than We Think

Physical reconnection after time apart isn’t just about sex. Find creative, pressure-free ways to connect—emotionally, intellectually, and physically. Rebuilding intimacy requires patience, generosity, and sometimes professional support.

Remember: we aren’t raised to have these conversations, so it’s normal to feel awkward or uncertain. But cultivating trust and self-awareness is possible - and worth it.

If you want to hear more on this subject, listen to my conversation with Phillips Hwang in Episode #37 ‘Love Knows No Borders, Connection and Intimacy in Long Distance’

Are you a couple who moves?

Join Wiebke and I in Autumn 2025 for a virtual summit designed to inspire, educate, and empower you as an expat couple. www.expatcouplessummit.com

Receive news regularly on new episodes of HTFA Podcast and on new events and resources.

Subscribe to my newsletter.

Your partner's job opportunity in another country seemed like an exciting idea, but lengthy work assignments mean you're holding down the family fort - alone.

OR Your partner is working and living in another country, and you feel like you are shouldering all the home responsibilities alone.

You may be wondering:

How can we be a family when we're miles apart?
Can I cope, alone, when troubles arise?

Buy the book: Holding the Fort Abroad

View Details

Synopsis:Colleen Higgs shares her insights from many moves and times when her husband worked far from home. We discuss the hidden costs of change, the importance of recognising and naming transitions, and Coleen shares hard-won wisdom about making space for recuperation and letting go of impossible expectations. She offers practical strategies drawn from her upcoming book and her own journey - reminding us that it’s okay to prioritise, slow down, and ask, “What matters now?”

If you are in the middle of a transition and feel you don’t have time to listen to more podcasts, this episode is worth the listen! It will help you give yourself grace, it is packed with insights that you need for your transition, you’ll recognise yourself in what we talk about as we meander through the huge impact of change and transition in our life.

“Expecting to go through a big transition without stress is like going to the gym and expecting not to sweat. You have extra demand, but you need to recuperate more often.”

Here are four standout takeaways for anyone tackling transitions—at home, at work, or across continents:

Transitions Demand More Than You Think

Transitions are supposed to be hard! Expecting zero stress is unrealistic; be ready for extra emotional, mental, and practical load when life shifts.

Transitions Will Change Your Day to Day Life

What will be more difficult? What will require more planning? How will my responsibility change?

Intentional Recuperation Is Non-negotiable

You can’t just power through. Colleen recommends building in time to truly recuperate (not just rest), intentionally choosing what to drop, and giving yourself permission to ease up during intense periods of change.

Prioritize What Matters Now

When routines and roles are in flux, ask yourself: what matters most in this moment? Don’t worry about ideal standards or “best practices” from another season or culture—focus on what your family, team, or self needs right now.

For those in split locations, Colleen recounts a conversation she had with someone recently: ‘she and her husband did a split location situation for a period of a few years, and they were both very high functioning career people, so they just did it. In retrospect, she told me, by the time I knew it was too much for me, we were in it. We were committed. I felt like I couldn't tell him. It took us years to recover, to get on the same page as parents and as a family again. And just if I had any idea of what a big transition it would be, would have been for our family, I would have done things differently. I would have dropped some commitments, some committees, maybe stepped off the corporate ladder for a period. I would have made some intentional decisions, but I didn't realize how hard it would be until I was in the middle of it.’

It is also important to think about how that transition affects your life on a more daily level. Moves will be more obvious, but think how a split location will affect your day to day life: what is going to be more difficult, what it going to take more planning, etc.

Colleen's Book

Colleen’s book on transitions is nearly ready for beta readers! If you’d like to share your perspective or get a sneak peek, sign up for her newsletter or express your interest at: colleen@colleenhiggs.com

Receive news regularly on new episodes of HTFA Podcast and on new events and resources.

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Buy the book - Holding the Fort Abroad.

Your partner's job opportunity in another country seemed like an exciting idea, but lengthy work assignments mean you're holding down the family fort - alone.

Your partner is working and living in another country, and you feel like you are shouldering all the home responsibilities alone.

You may be wondering:

How can we be a family when we're miles apart?
Can I cope, alone, when troubles arise?

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Synopsis:"It seems to me that globally mobile people and people who live these geographical separations, we tend to have these ongoing non stop transitions and not only one at a time, we tend to have multiple transitions going on at the same time."

Whether it’s a big move, a new role, the bittersweet send-off when a loved one leaves, or adjustments that come with globally mobile living, transitions are everywhere. Using William Bridges’ renowned model, this episode explores the three phases of transition-endings, the neutral zone, and new beginnings - and discusses how these play out in our lives as expatriates or families separated by work commitments. I also reflect on my own ongoing transitions, share insights from expert guests from previous episodes, and talk about crucial skills that can make every transition just a little bit easier.

What transitions are you in at the moment?
Biggest takeaways from ‘Transitions’ from William Bridges
Ongoing transitions and multiple transitions at a time including strategies to navigate them
How transitions show up in Frequent Work Travel and longer geographical separations

Resources mentioned in this episode :* Transitions; Making Sense of Life’s Changes by William Bridges * Holding the Fort Abroad Episode #17 with Arlette Chatlain (Family rituals during split-location) * Episode #28 with Kirsten Pontius (Maintaining your minimum amid chaos) * Episode #23 with Kate Gondouin (Coping with frequent transitions in corporate and personal life)

Action Steps:

Make a list of all the transitions you’re in (or have recently experienced) - even the small ones!
Identify your “minimum” self-care routine to preserve your wellbeing during busy times.
Collaborate with your partner/family to create your own set of reconnecting questions and rituals.

Wherever you are in the world, know that you’re not alone.

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Synopsis:In this anniversary episode, we celebrate the third anniversary of the Holding the Fort Abroad podcast! With 66+ episodes, the podcast carves a unique space in the global podcast landscape. The podcast explores the realities and nuances of split location family life and life when one of you is a frequent business traveller.

The podcast episodes include deeply personal stories, honest conversations, and connect with experts to bring you real talk and impactful narratives. My mission is to provide not just insight, but also practical strategies and emotional support for families who live apart, ensuring that they never feel alone in their journey. Today, Wiebke Anton turns the tables on me to interview me diving into my experiences, insights, and the cherished moments that have defined this incredible journey. Join us as we reflect on the past, celebrate the present, and look forward to where Holding the Fort Abroad is headed next with plenty of useful strategies included!

Keep your ear out too for surprise appearances from Amel Derragui, Olivier (Rhoda's husband!) and Navine Eldesouki.

PART 1: Looking back at Rhoda’s journey as a podcaster

Three years in — how has hosting this podcast influenced you personally and professionally?
If you could go back to the first episode and give yourself one piece of advice, what would it be?
What was the most unexpected or surprising insight you gained from a guest?

PART 2: Memorable Moments and big lessons (lessons still applicable to new listeners)

Out of all the episodes, is there one conversation that deeply moved you or shifted your perspective on split-location families? Was there a story that stuck with you—something that made you pause and rethink how families navigate distance?
Looking back at all the conversations you’ve had, what are some of the biggest misconceptions people have about making long-distance/split-location family life work?
Have you seen a gap between the way people imagine it versus the reality?
What is a recurring topic or concept in your podcast conversations that many seem to overlook?
You’ve spoken to so many couples and families who make it work in different ways—what do they have in common?
Are there specific habits, mindsets, or approaches that seem to set the most "successful" ones apart? And, can you please explain, how families should define "successful" in this context?
And on the flip side, what are the early warning signs that a setup might not be sustainable?

PART 3: Connecting to Rhoda’s upcoming journey

You’ve spent years speaking to families navigating split-location life - and now you’re about to embark on it again yourself. Has anything you've learned from the podcast changed the way you're approaching this transition?
Is there an episode or a piece of advice from a guest that you’re personally holding onto as you prepare for this next chapter?

PART 4: Impact and Outlook

Has a listener ever reached out with a story about how your podcast impacted them?
If you had to distill three years of conversations into one key message for international couples (who live it or consider living it), what would it be?
What’s next for the podcast? Any exciting plans or dreams for the future?
If you could interview anyone on this topic and invite to your podcast-past or present, dead or alive, who would it be and why?

CLOSING:

What’s one question you still don’t have an answer to but would love to explore in the coming years?

About Wiebke:Wiebke Anton is a relationship Coach for Expat Couples and the co-Founder of the Expat Couples Summit. She supports expats, intercultural couples and singles in Rwanda and Beyond. Curious about the state of your relationship? Get instant feedback with Wiebke’s Couples Health Check-up Questionnaire! Takes just minutes to find out where you stand and what can make it better… Help4Love Relationship Coaching

Are you a couple who moves? Join Wiebke and I in 2025 for an immersive virtual summit experience designed to inspire, educate, and empower you as an expat couple.

www.expatcouplessummit.com

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Synopsis:Mylene Jalladeau specializes in fitness for busy people. Join us as Mylene shares her holistic approach to fitness, emphasizing the importance of integrating physical activity into daily life as seamlessly as eating and drinking. Mylene candidly discusses her personal journey from exercising for aesthetics to finding a balanced, health-oriented approach. Together, Rhoda and Mylene explore how fitness can serve as an anchor in the demanding lifestyles of expatriates and those living with work travel, fostering both mental and physical well-being. Tune in to discover effective strategies and insights on commencing and maintaining a fitness journey, tailored to support the unique challenges faced by those frequently on the move.

Key Takeaways from Our Discussion: Holistic Approach to Fitness: Mylene believes that exercise should be integrated into our lifestyles as naturally as brushing our teeth. It’s not just about aesthetics but creating a balance that supports mental, physical, and emotional well-being. * Starting Point: Everyone has a unique starting point. Mylene stresses the importance of beginning your fitness journey with the body and capabilities you have now and gradually improving from there. * Consistent Effort: Mylene highlights that consistency outweighs perfection. Even short, regular sessions can lead to significant improvements over time. She encourages beginning with just 20 minutes if that's what you can manage. * Balancing Life and Fitness: For busy parents and individuals frequently traveling for work, fitness should be adaptable. Mylene provides insights on how to make it a natural part of your life without overwhelming your schedule. * Mindset Transformation:* Beyond physical workouts, changing your mindset and finding your personal 'why' is crucial for long-term health and motivation.

Contact Mylene: Mylene coaches online and in person in Bishkek.

To discuss the best plan for you find her on:

Instagram
Linkedin where she also writes about the interaction of fitness and work.

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SynopsisIn this episode, we explore how the C-Me Color profile can enhance communication and understanding for those living apart or frequently traveling.We have the pleasure of hearing from Kathleen Smith, the membership director of Families in Global Transitions and the founder of Global Grandmas. Kathleen brings a wealth of experience in assisting families in navigating international relocations and maintaining their core values across borders. Kathleen shares her fascinating journey, insights into building supportive family dynamics, and how anyone can find or become a "global grandma." Whether you're a family adjusting to a new country or an individual managing work-life balance from afar, this episode is packed with practical advice and heartwarming stories.

Families in Global Transition (FIGT):

FIGT is a community that supports families globally through transitions. It began as a "kitchen table" gathering where real conversations happen.
The organization emphasizes service and mutual support.

C-Me Color Profile:

A tool that can be used to enhance communication among family members who live apart due to frequent travel or international assignments.
The profile focuses on working preferences rather than personality types, highlighting four colors:
Blue: Detail-oriented, structured, enjoys problem-solving.
Green: Caring and concerned for others, often indecisive as they seek group harmony.
Red: Bold, confident, sets goals, and leads decisively.
Yellow: Talkative, optimistic, enjoys spontaneity.

Importance of Colors in Family Communication:

Understanding these color preferences can aid families in bettering their communication and complement each other’s styles, especially during transitions or separations due to travel.
The personal development tips for each color were provided, aiming for better family dynamics.

Global Grandmas Initiative

Kathleen introduces the concept of Global Grandmas, also encouraging older individuals to become supportive figures in the community even if not biologically related.
The initiative fosters intergenerational bonds, asking and offering support

Find out more about the history of C-me. It is not meant to put anyone in a box! The benefits of using colours: colours blend more, they feel less judgemental, how we express them is unique and they are memorable.

C-me colour profiling: Understanding your strengths: Organisational Development : Schools and services : University of Sussex

Join us at Families in Global Transition

Global Grandmas – Gathering Together, Flourishing Forward

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Synopsis:Living geographically apart can be a challenge, but with the right preparation and support, it can also be an opportunity for growth. I'm Rhoda Bangerter, host of Holding the Fort Abroad. In this episode, I share three essential ways to prepare for this unique lifestyle once the decision has been taken. This episode follows episode 42 about deciding whether to take on an assignment which would mean geographical separation. Tune in to learn more! You might want a pen and paper to jot down the questions to ask yourselves.

Three Essential Ways to Prepare:

1. Observe and Adjust:

Write down and observe what each partner contributes to the household before the move. This will help in delegating tasks and understanding what needs adjusting when one partner is away. Also include where and how each partner receives emotional support and whether adjustments will need to be made.

2. Communication is Key:

Establish a communication plan to keep your relationship strong and avoid misunderstandings. But hold on to it lightly as things can change once the assignment is under way and also as it evolves as time goes on.

3. Involve the Kids:

Keep kids engaged in the transition by having family meetings. This ensures they feel heard and can express their thoughts about the changes. Identify each family member's love language to maintain strong emotional connections despite the distance.

4. One step at a time

Don’t try planning for the whole assignment, take it one section at a time (i.e. one departure and one return at a time)

Preparing for this new phase thoughtfully can make the journey smoother for everyone involved. For more insights and tips, listen to our full episode!

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Synopsis:Elizabeth Vahey Smith is back to talk about trauma informed leadership. Find out practical tips for parents on how to engage with their children when witnessing heightened emotional responses, ensuring the child feels heard and understood. We give examples about how that could happen when a parent is away for work. Elizabeth gives insights from her new book on establishing psychological safety in the workplace, recognizing elevated responses, and fostering a culture of trust and resilience. You can also listen to her previous episode on HTFA podcast #49 where she gives strategies on how to process our emotions.

What you Will Learn:1. Parenting isn't just about raising kids-It's about leading them. Elizabeth Vahey Smith, COO of TCK Training, sheds light on how trauma-informed leadership principles can transform our approach to parenting.

2. Elizabeth shares a pivotal moment when she realized that leadership, both at work and home, was being handled poorly. Her experience of being triggered by leadership at work made her rethink how she was parenting her children.

3. The key insight? Leadership behaviors-like not listening or giving few choices-can erode psychological safety, whether you're at the office or at home with your kids. Parents often exert authority over children without realizing the impact.

4. Trauma isn't always about big events. Even small incidents can leave lasting emotional consequences. For kids, it might be something as subtle as a parent missing a significant event due to work travel.

5. Want to be more trauma-informed? Start by asking questions and getting curious about your child's resistance. Understand what's blocking them rather than just exerting authority.

6. In the workplace, similar principles apply. Leaders should aim for psychological safety, ensuring that team members feel heard and valued, which boosts engagement and productivity.

7. Elizabeth's upcoming book: "Trauma Informed Leadership," offers a comprehensive guide on navigating trauma in various settings—from parenting to corporate management.

8. Let's redefine leadership: It's about mobilizing people with an awareness of their past experiences and fostering environments that promote healing and resilience.

9. Let's build cultures of trust and safety, where everyone feels heard, whether at home or in the office, . Empowering families and teams to thrive begins with understanding and compassion.

10. It's time to bring trauma-informed principles to the forefront. Dive deeper into Elizabeth Vahey Smith's work and redefine the way you lead at home and beyond.

Read more: Trauma Informed Leadership by Elizabeth Vahey Smith

About Elizabeth

Contact Elizabeth

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Synopsis: Dr. Funke Afolabi-Brown is a distinguished medical doctor specialised in sleep medicine. We discuss the crucial impact of sleep on well-being and productivity, particularly for those leading high-intensity lifestyles and constant travel.

In This Episode:Importance of Sleep and Its Consequences

Negative Effects of Poor Sleep

Cognitive impacts: focus, memory issues, increased risk of Alzheimer’s
Physical health impacts: blood pressure, heart issues, immune system functionality, metabolism, diabetes, obesity
Mental health impacts: burnout, anxiety, depression, suicidality

Sleep and High-Intensity Lifestyle Jet Lag

Difference between temporary jet lag and jet lag sleep disorder
Strategies for pre-travel, during travel, and post-arrival adjustments
Impact of frequent travel on circadian rhythm and strategies for mitigation

Organizational Support for Employees Educating Organizations

Impact of lack of sleep on health and productivity
Strategies for organizational support: recovery time, comfortable sleeping arrangements, etc.
Importance of promoting sleep wellness for better organizational outcomes

Managing Stress and Sleep Techniques for Reducing Stress and Improving Sleep

Importance of a bedtime routine
Strategies: journaling, breathing exercises, progressive muscle relaxation, cognitive shuffle
Importance of intention and finding personalized methods

Sleep for Parents, Especially Moms Balancing Personal Time and Sleep

Time audit to find opportunities for self-care
Investing in personal time for restorative sleep and well-being

Napping During the Day Guidelines for Naps* * Short naps (20-30 minutes) recommended * Best time earlier in the day * Avoiding naps when suffering from insomnia

Identifying Sleep Disorders Signs of Sleep Disorders

Difficulty in falling or staying asleep, frequent awakenings, fatigue
Symptoms specific to sleep apnea: snoring, restless sleep, mouth breathing
Consulting a specialist when necessary

Sleep Trackers Using Sleep Trackers

Benefits for monitoring trends
Caution against obsession over data
Importance of balancing technology use with listening to one’s body

Dr. Funke Afolabi Brown’s Book "Beyond Tired"

Overview of the book’s focus on children’s sleep
Topics covered: behavioral sleep issues, sleep disorders, sleep in children with complex living arrangements, sleep for busy moms
Availability on Amazon

Faith-Based Devotional Seven-Day Devotional

Focus on sacred rest: mentally, physically, and emotionally
Available for download on Dr. Brown’s website

Conclusion Encouragement to Listeners

Importance of prioritizing sleep quality
Seeking help when necessary
Rhoda and Funke express mutual appreciation.

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Synopsis:Welcome to Holding the Fort Abroad, the podcast about frequent business travel and working away from home. My name is Rhoda Bangerter and I help parents manage the stress and disconnect from living this life so that they can enjoy the growth and intention this lifestyle can bring.

What you will learn:1. What members of our family have said

Listen to those who know you and have followed your choice process
Split locations is an unusual way of life, but you are not the only ones doing it.

Relevant episodes:

09 Shellee Burroughs
17 Arlette Chatlein
15 Becky Grappo
19 Colleen Higgs
20 Carole Hallett Mobbs
52 Florence Reisch
39 Michael Sullivan
60 Navine Eldesouki
Split locations can be devastating and break the family

Warnings re children:

06 Sharoya Ham Parenting Together Long Distance
46 Irene You Have to Behave When I Am Away - became a ‘good girl’
51 Katia Vlachos The Impact of Parental Absence on Childhood
29 Dr Laura Anderson How to be a Family on Split Locations

Warnings re couples:

05 Vivian Chiona Facing the Challenges of Expat Life Together
24 Jenny Linton Myths that threaten long distance marriages
37 Phillips Hwang, Love Knows No Borders,Connection and Intimacy in Long Distance Relationships
How to create a family narrative
58 Lidia Lae

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Synopsis:How do families stay together when work takes them away from each other? Wellbeing, Partnership, Parenting Together, Smooth Transitions and Emergency Preparedness: strengthen these five pillars. After I describe the pillars, I go through how you can use this framework if you are the one travelling, you are the one with the children, you are deciding whether to take a posting that would mean time apart, you are preparing to live geographically apart.

What you will learn:Pillar 1 Personal Wellbeing and Development

Pillar 2 Partnership as a Long-Distance Relationship

Pillar 3 Parenting Together

Pillar 4 Smooth Transitions

Pillar 5 Emergencies and Dangerous Locations

After I describe the pillars, I go through how you can use this framework if

you are the one travelling
if you are the one with the children
if you are deciding whether to take a posting that would mean time apart
if you are preparing to live geographically apart

Sign up for the Resource Center

Find out more about my story

As 2024 comes to a close, I thank all my guests for sharing their stories and insights and I thank all my listeners. I have enjoyed hearing your feedback on how you have been encouraged.

Enjoyed This Episode?

Please Leave A Review, Like and Share

This will help more people find the podcast and get encouragement for this very specific lifestyle!

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Synopsis:Megan Bearce is a therapist, a speaker and the author of the book ‘Super Commuter Couples, the subtitle sums it up ‘staying together when a job keeps you apart’. Something that she and her husband have personally experienced. The book is also full of stories of others who live it. In this episode, Megan and I talk about building resilience when we live this kind of lifestyle, silver linings and also her work with organisations and why organisations need to support their staff who are away from home a lot for work.

You Will Learn:1. Megan's experience and why she wrote the book. Why she thinks living geographically separate is not talked about much. Plus, changes since the book was published. 2. Best ways of creating resilience. 3. Silver linings 4. Megan’s work with organisations and why organisations need to support this

Megan's Links:Website

Book

Apple Books and Amazon

Public Speaking:

Megan’s Keynote speaker - demo video
Relationships and Counselling - Megan’s interview by Matt Holman

Become a patient:

Megan takes patients for therapy in Minnesota, USA.
Megan accepts coaching clients, specifically if you are thinking about one of you super commuting for work.

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Synopsis:Navine Eldesouki shares with us what it is like living in split locations. She is the founder of Coffee with an expat, a community of women who lift each other up! At age 20, she left her home country of Australia and has lived in 8 countries, currently living in Dubai. Since 2020, her husband works and lives in another country.

What you will learn:9 lessons from the podcast episode with concise titles and brief descriptions:

1. Flexibility in Expectations

Be adaptable, as life changes often affect plans, particularly in expatriate families dealing with distance and logistics.

2. Importance of Self-care

Pursue hobbies and interests independently to maintain personal happiness and avoid relying solely on your partner for fulfillment.

3. Emergency Preparedness

Have a detailed plan for emergencies, including contact information and important documents, to handle unexpected situations smoothly.

4. Maintaining Regular Communication

Use scheduled Zoom calls to connect beyond logistics, maintaining a vibrant relationship through humor and personal interaction.

5. Parental Responsibility Balance

Recognize the extensive responsibility of solo parenting while ensuring the traveling partner stays engaged and supportive.

6. Transitioning Family Dynamics

Manage the complexities of reintegrating a traveling partner into household routines, especially during short visits.

7. Building Local Support Networks

Forge connections with neighbors and local peers for emergency support and daily assistance in the absence of a partner.

8. Children's Emotional Well-being

Address separation anxiety and maintain open communication to support children emotionally during parental absences.

9. Encouraging Direct Communication

Foster direct relationships between children and the absent parent, promoting strong family bonds.

Resources Mentioned in the Show:Navine Eldesouki:

Instagram

Diary of an Expat: Unfiltered | Newsletter

Coffee With An Expat:

Website

Membership

Instagram

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Synopsis:Is a high performance life compatible with family life? Christian Ray Flores went from being a child refugee, a famous popstar, to the founder of Exponential Life, high performance coaching for purpose driven professionals with a lot of philanthropy, teaching, and speaking as well. In this episode, we speak about high performance, work demands, what it means for the family, and the changes he has made in his life.

Key Takeaways:After hearing about Christian’s fascinating experience growing up across continents and his life as a famous popstar, we dive into why he changed direction and how he adjusted his travel time to prioritise his family life, although it cost him financially.

1. Navigating Work Travel and Family Life:

Being able to balance frequent business travel with maintaining strong familial relationships is critical. Christian's experiences underscore the importance of setting boundaries and prioritizing family despite professional demands.

2. Travel's Impact on Personal Relationships:

Frequent work travel can significantly strain personal relationships, making it difficult to sustain connections. Both Christian and Rhoda emphasized the necessity of conscious efforts and lifestyle adjustments to mitigate these impacts.

3. Implementing Travel Moratoriums:

Christian shared his personal decision to implement a six-month moratorium on travel to re-focus on his family life. This pause allowed him to reset and reestablish a stable family environment.

4. Frequency Management for Sustainable Balance:

Post-moratorium, Christian decided to reduce his travel frequency to once every one or two months, finding this more manageable and less disruptive to his family life.

5. Innovative Lifestyle Choices:

To balance career demands with family presence, Christian suggested alternative lifestyles such as traveling with family and homeschooling children, emphasizing the importance of full immersion and presence with family during critical upbringing years.

6. Role of Personal Relationships in High Performance:

The episode highlighted that sustainable high performance is closely tied to support from personal relationships, including family. Frequent travelers must ensure that their work does not overshadow the need to maintain these essential bonds.

7. Cumulative Time with Children:

Christian opened up about the limited cumulative time one gets with their children after they leave home, stressing the importance of making the most of these early, critical years by being present and involved.

8. Metacognition and Self-Awareness During Travel:

For frequent travelers, having strong metacognitive skills helps in making conscious, deliberate decisions about how to balance work and personal life, avoiding the pitfalls of being constantly on the move without reflection.

9. Communication and Boundary Setting:

Effective communication and clear boundary setting are central to successfully managing the pressure of frequent travel on family life. This includes expressing needs directly and managing expectations both at home and on the road.

10. Encouragement for Personal Growth:

The podcast encourages personal growth for both those who travel frequently and their partners, advocating for a dynamic where both parties pursue self-improvement and clear communication to maintain a healthy balance.

These insights provide valuable perspectives for frequent travelers on how to navigate the intersection of work demands and personal relationships, advocating for strategies that prioritize family without sacrificing professional aspirations.

Guest Links:Christian Ray Flores

https://www.xponential.life/

https://www.instagram.com/christianrayflores/

https://www.christianrayflores.com/

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Synopsis:Create a strong family narrative that embraces diverse cultures and values to bridge any disconnect. In this episode, my guest Dr Lidia Lae explains how to develop a unique family culture that blends elements from different backgrounds, recognizing the best of both worlds. Lidia is a seasoned psychologist specialising in self-narratives. She shares her extensive research on how these stories shape our identities and influence our emotional well-being. She also provides practical tips and personal anecdotes on maintaining family unity, even when a parent is frequently away, using tools like family journal apps and focusing on gratitude. This episode reveals the power of self-narratives in reinforcing family bonds, fostering emotional closeness, and setting and achieving individual and family goals.

You will learn:Developing a Family Culture

Learn how to merge elements from different cultures into a cohesive family narrative that celebrates the best of both worlds.

Harnessing Self Narratives

Discover the impact of self-narratives in reinforcing family bonds and maintaining emotional closeness, even when a parent is away.

Technology and Communication

Find out how tools like family journal apps can aid in communication, fostering gratitude and making the absence of a parent less daunting for children.

Personal Stories

Lidia shares her experience preparing her eight-month-old daughter for her absence, demonstrating the power of positive narratives and communication with children.

Emotional Support and Goal Setting

Understand the importance of providing emotional support by framing absences as part of a bigger family story. We also discuss setting individual and family goals to build a strong family identity, offering a positive role model for children.

Cultural Comparisons

Lidia presents her research comparing self-narratives of European Australians and Singaporean Chinese, shedding light on how cultural differences influence family dynamics and identity.

About Lidia:Dr Lidia Lae is an East-Timorese Chinese Australian writer, psychologist, and speaker. With a PhD in social psychology, Lidia explores themes of culture, memory, meaning, purpose, self, and identity, unravelling the intricacies of the human condition with deep curiosity and empathy. Through her writing—including upcoming books and regular blog posts at www.lidialae.com—she aims to inspire, educate, and empower by making complex topics engaging and relatable. As the director of To Learn Consulting, Lidia offers psychological and consulting services, guiding individuals and organizations to embrace their unique stories for personal and collective growth. Beyond her professional endeavours, Lidia balances her roles as a therapist, mother, and world traveller, bringing a rich, multicultural perspective to her work.

Find out more about self-narratives and how to harness them for your family’s narrative

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Synopsis:Today my guest is Kathy Borys Siddiqui, she is the founder of Active Action and she works with organisations, helping them support their staff, specifically with intercultural training and family support. She was a panelist speaker at the HR event held in March on how organisations can better support their staff on split family assignments and today we are going to be continuing our conversation.

If you are listening and you are the spouse of a staff or a staff member yourself, this conversation may correspond to some of the concerns you have about the support that you receive from your organisation and we would love to hear from you if any of what we are saying is resonating with you.

If you are in a role supporting staff, I hope this conversation gives you ideas on how and why you need to increase your staff support.

What you will learn:The importance for organisations to undertand that staff are relocating for the job and therefore that they, the organisatioins have a responsibility towards the whole family unit, whether families are accompanying or staying in their home countries. In doing so, they will retain their staff longer.

What do some organisations do?

What kind of data should organisations track? Why?

What can employees do to advocate for themselves?

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Synopsis:Listen to Jenny Butter’s story and learn how she and her husband navigate family life and his frequent work travel. She begins her married life leaving her job and accompanying her husband to Sri Lanka right after the Tsunami hits in 2004. He travels around the country and the region but she is surrounded by other spouses in the same situation. A little while later, they move to New York and have two children born a few months apart. Although culturally New York is closer to her home culture, and Jenny is a go-getter, her husband is still travelling and she feels lonely. Jenny reflects on how she was raised with a father who travelled and that it felt normal to be living a similar family set-up.

Jenny's Words of Wisdom:Different marriages normals

“I can remember one of my friends once saying to me, “does Jan actually exist? Because we've never met him.” I would go and see my friend when Jan was traveling, because when he was home, we could have that couple time. She was in a marriage where they were always together. They did everything together. They visited people together. I'd never really perceived her norm. She hadn't perceived my norm. And both can be normal, depending on your relationship, you know, I didn't see mine as abnormal. It's just the way it was, because that was a model of my parents."

You can be both strong and lonely sometimes

"I'm a doer, I'm capable, I just get on with it. But there was one instance where I remember just, like, crying in relief because he told me he wasn't going to Japan because I'd sort of, like, held it together for three weeks when he'd been somewhere else, and it was for a couple of days, then go off somewhere, I was like, oh, thank you. You're not going. I hadn't realized just how hard I was finding it up until that point when the relief just went through me. The fact, actually he wasn't going away again, that he would be home for a couple of weeks."

Reentering workforce

When I was in radio, it was all social action broadcasting. So it helped people move forward, change their lives in whatever way that would be, getting them out of domestic violence or laying a new skill or raising money. So then I retrained to be a coach, but it worked out really well because I could do it from home. When my children in school and they were young, so they'd be in bed for seven, I could do it in the evenings when people had come home from work, So that's how it started. And then I could do face to face when my husband was home. Otherwise it would be online. So I've been doing twelve years now. And so that's why I had the career change, because I had to do something that's flexible to be the full time carer.

Her husband’s involvement now their children are older

So he's very good at texting them or sending them messages and things that they might be interested in. So my daughter's a foodie, so wherever he goes, you know, he'll send her photos of the food he's eaten and, you know, what there is in the local supermarkets and that type of thing. And, you know, my son, he loves, you know, I don't know, words and culture and history, so he might send him, you know, something historical so he, he really thinks about what they're, what they're interested in and, you know, try and send them relevant information.

On choosing split locations or an expatriation

What would the split family location look like (...)? Because I think sometimes it's okay in some seasons and sometimes it's not okay in other seasons. You have to really look at where you are now and think, would this work for us as a family, for our marriage, and as you get older for aging parents, would it work for us in this season of our life? And then going in with the facts and actively choosing it and then knowing what you've chosen and reinforcing those choices.

Her message to new parents

You having an adventure so it can be fun and exciting and making sure you've got things to look forward to, but also being aware that the toll it might take on your emotional mental health and making sure that you have support systems in place for that, either in country or externally. You know, Zoom counseling, Zoom coaching, support network, because it can be hard, it can be lonely, it can be isolating.

No blame

"I think it's important to keep an open line of communication, to not blame, but to be honest about how you're feeling and talk about it with your spouse and with your partner, with other people. And I think that's why you have to go into any decision with the facts. If at all possible, it's a joint decision. I know some people don't have that because they're sent with work or they need to go because it's the only job that they could get. But within that, if, as much as possible, if it is a joint decision, because there can sometimes be blame involved and anger which doesn't help people settle or be happy. And so I think it's being responsible for yourself and your own emotions and putting in your own support network and structure and knowing that's important because you are a carer for the small children, but then you are also still a wife and a spouse, and that relationship needs nurturing, too."

When he returns from his trips

There's certainly no welcome home parties or celebrations because it is just part of our marriage, our life.

Her concluding remarks

The world is a fun place. It offers so much adventure. When it's hard, it's hard. But when it's wonderful, it's wonderful. Even in the hard times, try and look for the fun, excitement or beauty in your new location because it can just make it a bit easier on those hard days.

Contact JennyJenny Butter

Accredited Master Coach

Web: Epiphany Career & Life Coaching

Book: Book a coaching session

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Synopsis:Growing up as the child of a minister and a father who was also actively involved in cross-cultural work, had a profound impact on Michael. His father's frequent travels for youth ministry, pastoral duties, and later, more global roles in raising awareness about Third Culture Kids, created a complex dynamic in their family life. While there was a sense of pride and recognition in the meaningful work his father did, it also brought challenges. Michael reflects on the mixed emotions of having to "share" his father with others, often feeling that it wasn't a choice but a necessity. This experience shaped Michael's perspective, giving him an appreciation for the importance of his father's work while also highlighting the personal cost of his absence during key moments of his upbringing.

This insightful podcast highlights the complexities of mobile family dynamics and the importance of attachment theory in understanding the experiences of TCKs.

Key takeaways: * The child has a limited say in how often the parent travels * The memories that stand out are times spent together * Travel is a whole family project and is supported by the whole family * The importance of knowing about attachment * The importance of knowing what creates healthy strong attachments when there are separations * The importance of community around global families. “The anchor relationships are the ones that over time, they're not going to change. They're people who love you, love your family, and nothing's going to change that.”

Acronyms used in this episode

HSP Highly Sensitive Person

PK Pastor’s kids

MK Missionary Kids

Book mentioned in the episode:

‘I have to be perfect and other holy heresies’

Contact Michael:LinkedIn

Website

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Synopsis:The ICAN Model helps you stay in touch with what is going on with your family’s life. If you are a father who travels, you may find it tricky to be emotionally present when you are away from home for work. The risk is that you feel like a stranger when you come home, especially if you’ve been away a long time, or that you stop being involved in raising your children.

The ICAN model gives you a framework to stay connected. Your partner at home can use this framework to support your involvement as well.

You will learn:The risks involved if you are not involved in family life

The ICAN Model:

Involvement and Intention
Consistency
Awareness
Nurture

Using the ICAN Model in the three levels of parenting: the big picture vision, the implementation, and finally the responsive moments of parenting

Resources mentioned in the episode:* The ICAN Model was created by Dr Ken Canfield * Staying connected - with Kerry Byrne, episode 7 * How to engage your child on the phone (download) * The five love languages * Long distance bracelets * The Toolbox for Multilingual Families, by Ute Limacher-Riebold * Record stories with Audacity * Record and then save as an mp3 file you can send to your children https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bBzk0MtuB5E

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Synopsis:In dual career relationships, couples must navigate the challenges of balancing career and family responsibilities. Rhoda and Yvonne discuss the impact of frequent business travel on the stay-at-home partner and navigating the complexities and challenges of spending prolonged periods of time apart. The podcasts shines a light on the need for clear boundaries and constructive dialogue to make informed decisions because split location living does impact both careers and relationships.

Key Takeaways:* Have the conversations * Embrace the unknown * Be mindful of the impact on the stay-at-home partner * Intentionality and re negotiation are important to staying on track so both partners are happy

Contact Yvonne:Website

What’s worked for you?

Let me know on IG @amulticultural life

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Synopsis:There are usually no episodes in August but this month I have a bonus episode in French for you. Florence Reisch has been an expat for many years, she is specialised as an expat coach and she has written ‘Expat Wife, Happy Life’ which is available in 6 languages. To celebrate her book being published in French, we share our conversation about expatriation, resources in French and the power of connection between women.

Bienvenue dans cet épisode extraordinaire et en français pour la première fois de mon podcast Holding the Fort Abroad qui en français je pense se traduit tenir la barre. Je sais pas si ça le même effet mais voilà, mon invité aujourd'hui est Florence Reisch, elle est coach, elle est auteure, elle est expat depuis de nombreuses années. Et on voulait un petit peu discuter à l 'occasion de la sortie de son livre en français, un petit peu célébrer ça et puis discuter des ressources qui existent en français, de l 'expatriation en générale, du message de son livre qui n 'est pas un message, on vous en dira plus et puis un petit peu de la de la connection entre femmes.

In this episode:* Les resources qui existent en français * S’epanouir en expatriation * Pourquoi Florence a écrit en plusieurs langues * Reactions reçues depuis la sortie du livre * Le livre n’est pas un message mais l'expression d'une attitude * Le pouvoir de connection entre femmes.

Contact Florence Reisch

https://www.coachingwiththeflo.com/

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Synopsis:Katia Vlachos’ father was away during her childhood. During this episode, she graciously shares her story of realising later on in life the impact her father’s absence had on her. Katia has lived internationally for many years. She's the author of the book A Great Move and a soon-to-be-released memoir. She coaches people going through major life transitions and reinventions. Join us in this intimate conversation about family, love and hope.

Resources Mentioned in the Show:The core emotional needs are grouped across 5 areas:

A secure attachment to others
Freedom to express valid needs and feelings
Autonomy, competence and a sense of identity
Spontaneity and play
Realistic limits and self-control"

You can find out more about the core emotional needs here: http://schematherapycollective.com/schema-therapy/what-are-your-core-emotional-needs/

Contact Katia:

Website

Instagram

Facebook

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Synopsis:In this short episode of Holding the Fort Abroad, I give you four tips for your consideration if you are solo parenting during the holidays and your partner is working.

Key Takeaways:* Make it work for you * Create memories * Include the other parent * Don’t pack in too many activities and visits

What do you do to make it enjoyable and restful?

Let me know on IG @amulticulturallife

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Synopsis:You feel anger, fear, sadness, resentment, disappointment? These can be intense emotions when living with someone who frequently travels for work. Elizabeth Vahey Smith and I discuss the principles from her book the ‘Practice of Processing’ and how . Elizabeth is an author, a speaker and the COO of TCK Training.

What this episode is about:Elizabeth Vahey Smith takes us on an essential journey of:

Understanding emotions: there are no negative emotions
Developing an emotional vocabulary
The consequences of ignoring emotions
The globally mobile life that can amplify emotions
Developing the habit of intentionally processing emotions
Dealing with triggers
Validating emotions
Teens and emotions
How community helps

You can contact Elizabeth here:https://www.tcktraining.com/

Elizabeth’s book: ‘The Practice of Processing’

Resources mentioned in the episode:Emotions Wheel

TCK Training debriefings

Lauren Wells book ‘The Grief Tower’

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Synopsis:Continuing the series of Growing up with a Travelling Father, Lucas talks about his experience. Despite the financial constraints and the challenges brought on by his father's international career, Lucas expresses gratitude for a supportive family environment and discusses how travel and cultural exposure have shaped his worldview.

What This Episode is About:A few things stood out for me in this interview with Lucas. He is now is now in his thirties and although during his teen years, he sometimes got annoyed at this father’s absences, he is convinced that it has shaped his love of learning other languages and other cultures. Isn’t that amazing!

He also credits his mother a lot: she made sure they felt heard. She didn’t complain loudly when his father travelled. Although it must have been tough for her. Lucas mentioned she didn’t drive so getting places took a lot more time when his dad was away.

His sister struggled more with his father’s travels and this is a great reminder that different siblings will experience a parent’s absence differently. Age will also play a part. Lucas didn’t even realise his dad was gone that much until he was 12 or 13.

What came out loud and clear though is that he does not feel like he had an absent father.

Listen to him talk about what it was like, in his own words.

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Synopsis:Saadia’s husband has travelled throughout their 14 year marriage. They have also moved countries during multiple times during that time. In this episode she shares her wisdom gained from experience over the years. You’re not going to want to miss this one!

Saadia’ husband had explained to her before they got married that his work would involve a lot of travel. She explains that she only really understood what he meant after a few years of marriage and their firstborn was a couple of years old. She reinforces that even though a person never really gets used to it, that it is possible to improve how it impacts you and your family.

Here are the main takeaways from what Saadia has learnt over the years:

🌟 Communication is Key**** Regular communication helps maintain the connection between the traveling parent and the rest of the family – a simple, daily catch-up can make a world of difference, especially as the children get older.

💪 *Acknowledge Challenges* It's crucial to acknowledge the difficulties that come with this lifestyle and to avoid the superhuman syndrome. It's okay to seek support and share the load.

🔄 *Adjust and Adapt* Priorities evolve over time, and so should coping strategies. From setting no-travel dates for special occasions to redefining what's essential – flexibility and adjustment are essential.

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Synopsis:In this compelling episode, Irene reflects on her childhood in Jakarta, living with her grandparents while her mother made a bold move to Greenland for financial stability. She opens up about the intricacies of cultural differences within her family, the support she had despite her mother's absence, and how she sees it as part of her story now as an adult.

What you will learn:In this episode, Irene recounts her mother’s move, the people around them who cared, the responsibility she felt to step up and also have a part in carrying the financial burden. And then her own subsequent adjustment to a new country as a teenager and her struggle with maintaining her individuality, being known simply as one of the ‘Wong sisters’ at school.

We also touch upon Irene's current life, working towards employment with the government, and her keen emphasis on the critical importance of parental understanding of their children's silent struggles.

Join us this episode on "Holding the Fort Abroad" as we explore Irene's rich narrative, the emotional memories it uncovers, and the resolute spirit she exhibits, despite the compelling conflicts between personal needs and family responsibility.

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Synopsis:In this episode, Ophelia opens up about the nuances of growing up with a globe-trotting father, an experience that came with its blend of adventure and uncertainty. She reminisces about a youth punctuated by her dad's inconsistent presence and the creative ways her family maintained connections across continents in an era before the omnipresence of today's communication technology. Today she travels extensively herself for her job in editorial and styling for international publications and e-commerce platforms.

What you will learn:* The impact of her father's travels on the family. * Coping with a transient lifestyle. * Her mother's role in the family. * The evolution of keeping in touch. * Leaving notes for her traveling father and the significance of notes in her adult life. * Overcompensation upon return from trips. * The father's role in family events and day-to-day life. * Ophelia's father's experiences in high-risk destinations. * Emphasis on holiday togetherness as an alternative family dynamic. * Following in her father's footsteps in career and lifestyle.

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What you will learn:* Dating long distance: UK/Congo. * The first years of marriage, being a lovepat and not realising the travel involved in my husband’s work * Expat life is multi-layered and unpredictable! Dealing with a genetic eye condition and my husband’s unknown illness, a husband who commutes and two unexpected moves back to back. * Learning to include myself in our family’s story! * How many cultures in my life? * How to start building a future life * The decision for my husband to work in Kabul * Beginning to investing in mentors. Developing a career faster than I thought

More information on being a lovepat:

Visit www.amelderragui.com for more on entrepreneurship and having a greater impact with your business. Her Tandem Nomads’ Podcast has become The Time Is Now.
Visit www.joparfitt.com/ on honing your writing skills.

Read more about the SEEDS Framework.

Download your Personal Development Plan Worksheet here.

Books:

Erin Meyer ‘The Culture Map’
Stephen Covey ‘7 Habits of Highly Effective People’
Brendon Burchard ‘High Performance Habits’
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Synopsis:How can tapping help you with loneliness when your partner is gone, taking big decisions (do we do the split assignment?), exhaustion or fear. Tapping is all over social media these days. Eleni Vardaki is an EFT practitioner and in this episode she walks us through what tapping can and can’t do, we do a live exercise you can join in with. Learn a few tips on helping children manage their big emotions too, with sadness when your partner leaves for their trip for example.

What you will learn:* Benefits of tapping in regulating emotions and reducing stress markers * Distinction between EFT meditations and EFT therapy * Eleni guiding Rhoda through a tapping exercise and the resulting decrease in fear intensity. You can join in too! * How Tapping can help intense emotions from Split Assignment and Frequent Business Travel Challenges in Families. * Tapping as a practical tool for emotional release in any location * Tapping with Children and Teenagers

To see a 3 min video of tapping points click here (with diagram).

Eleni also then guides you through a 12-minute tapping meditation for stress management while adding words. You can download a self-guide for using tapping for self-care (with more detail) https://elenivardaki.com/eft-for-self-care-guide/

Eleni’s services for schools https://elenivardaki.com/school-services/

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Synopsis:In this episode of Holding the Fort Abroad, I dive deep into the decision-making process for split location assignments. We explore practical considerations, maintaining healthy relationships, and the importance of understanding your reasons for pursuing this path. Hear real-life experiences and gain valuable insights from those who have navigated this challenging terrain. Whether it's for a year or several, the decision is yours to make.

Key Takeaways:Practical Considerations

Time differences and impact on communication
Flight costs and logistics
Flexibility in return timings
Visiting the working location
Consideration of duration, whether open-ended or fixed term

Relationship Considerations

Impact on children of different ages
Influence of couple's current relationship status
Effects of geographical separation on relationship
Building and maintaining intimacy in long-distance relationships
Setting intentions for the distance period

Seeking Support

Recommendation to involve therapists or outside perspectives
Discussing with people who understand and have experience in split location assignments
Available resources and individuals who have had similar experiences

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Synopsis:Join me in this conversation with Megan Norton on how fostering a sense of belonging can strengthen family ties. Megan is an intercultural trainer and author of Belonging Beyond Borders. As the daughter of a US Foreign Service employee, she moved many times during her childhood. As far back as Megan can remember, her father was often on short-term assignments during their times abroad. Her mum was even about to give birth as her dad was working away! Megan dubs herself, her brother and her parents the Norton Core Four, a testimony to their strong relationships.

You Will Learn:* How the concept of belonging can be used as a tool to foster connectedness in families where one parent travels for work * Belonging to people, places and purpose * Making internal changes to reinforce one's sense of belonging. * Creating your own community to belong to

Guest Links:Website

Megan's Book

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Synopsis:In this episode, I delve into the common challenges faced by parents whose partners travel frequently for work. I discuss the dangers of exhaustion, feeling stuck, and harboring resentment while managing the home front solo. Drawing from my own experiences and insights, I share practical strategies for addressing these issues, from managing exhaustion to finding new passions and combating resentment.

You Will Learn:What the parent who is at home with the kids may be going through! And if that’s you, how are doing doing around exhaustion levels, feeling stuck and resentment?

Managing Exhaustion: Addressing mental and physical fatigue.
Feeling Stuck: Embracing growth.
Don’t Leave Resentment Fester: Recognizing and resolving negative emotions.
Seeking Support: Building a network for practical and emotional aid.
Prioritizing Self-Care: Importance of sleep and personal well-being.

Resources mentioned in the episode:HTFA Episode #11 Personal Reflections: Two years after a burnout

HTFA Episode #28 How to conquer stress with a holistic approach

Plant SEEDS https://amulticulturallife.com/blog/plant-s-e-e-d-s-for-your-future/

Your Personal Development Plan

Take the Holding the Fort Abroad quiz

Dr Caroline Leaf Podcast 272: Why we shouldn't (& can't) "forgive & forget”

Amel Derragui The Time is Now

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Synopsis:Find out how the Sullivan family makes their split location arrangement work, what they prioritise, how Michael stays present as a father for his children even though he lives thousands of miles away. They are not new at this and Michael shares his hard earned wisdom. Michael Sullivan currently teaches in Turkey while his wife works and lives in the Philippines with their children. He is finalising his soon-to-be published book and hosts a TCK Podcast.

You will learn:* Impact of separation on family life * Challenges with priorities * The necessity of strong communication and working through difficulties * Misconceptions about split-location families * Coping with skepticism from others * Maintaining a functioning family despite the physical distance

Guest Links:Find out more about Michael’s book and TCK Podcast on hisWebsite

Connect with him on LinkedIn

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Synopsis:Today's episode is a special solo edition where I dive into the challenges and triumphs of families living this unique lifestyle. I explore the possibility of balancing work passion with a happy family life, and I share a few inspirational stories of families who are successfully doing just that. From strategies for self-care and parenting together, to maintaining long-distance relationships and managing transitions, I cover the essential pillars for making this lifestyle work. Plus, I touch on the good reasons families choose this path.. So, join me as we delve into navigating the world of work travel and living abroad while holding down the fort at home.

You Will Learn:* 01:10 - You are not alone. * 05:18 - Focusing on the 5 Foundational Pillars for this very specific lifestyle. * 11:20 - Write down why it makes sense for your family

Buy the Book:Buy your personal copy of Holding the Fort Abroad or buy it as a gift for someone you know.

Contact details:rhoda@amulticulturallife.com

Links: Connect with me on Instagram , LinkedIn

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Synopsis:Does time geographically apart mean a sexless marriage? Whether under one roof or across continents, Phillips Hwang unpacks for us what healthy sexuality looks like and how to grow in connection and intimacy in our relationships. Phillips is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor (Indiana), Certified Sex Therapist, and a Nationally Certified Counselor who specializes in couples counseling, individual counseling, and sex therapy.

You will learn:05:25 - What is healthy sexuality?

13:45 - Life is hard, carrying past hurts affects us.

24:22 - Establishing healthy sexuality and intimacy in relationships.

35:20 - Sexual intimacy after a long time apart

42:00 - Practices for managing unfulfilled desires in relationships.

50:25 - Dealing with sexual rejection from a partner.

01:01:45 - Stay connected through shared objects and activities.

01:03:39 - Decide as a couple what level of sexual connectedness when apart promotes a sense of love and connectedness with each other.

01:06:00 - Valuing fidelity, respect, and mindfulness in relationships.

01:13:10 - It takes years to develop a good sex life!

Resources mentioned in this episode:https://www.sorestcounseling.com/rhoda.html

Guest's Link:www.sorestcounseling.com

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Synopsis:HTFA Episode #036, titled “Bonding across Distance: Anaju’s Tales of a Globetrotting Father”, explores how her family coped with her father's absence through ritual, reading, and intentional time together. Anaju reflects on her dad's efforts to stay connected despite the distance and how this unique upbringing led her to pursue a master's in sociology. She’s now focusing on the integration of Venezuelan immigrants through language—an inspiration drawn from her own multicultural experiences.

You Will Learn:* Anaju’s family's strategies to maintain connection, continuity and to foster relationships * The career decisions Anaju’s mother made * Her realization of the unusual nature of her father's work situation during childhood * Instances of dealing with emotional and physical challenges in her father's absence * Impact of writing as a coping mechanism * Anaju's father’s efforts to engage and be present while at home * Family discussions on travel risks and preparation strategies * Seeking therapy to cope with moving at age 15. Benefits of finding a TCK-aware therapist and processing the challenges of having a highly mobile life * Anaju’s work with TCK training and her insights on prevention and guiding children, Her focus on her sociology master's concentrating on the integration of Venezuelan immigrants through Portuguese language

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Synopsis:In this episode, I talk with Tanya Crossman about Negative and Childhood Experiences, feeling safe, and having a travelling dad.

You will learn:* 00:00 - Large survey of adult TCKs compared to CDC Kaiser study for Adverse Childhood Experiences * 07:27 - TCK training educates and supports global families. * 10:25 - Childhood trauma includes abuse and household dysfunction. * 13:39 - Our brain flags unfamiliar stimuli, prompting concern. * 19:03 - New Survey on Positive Childhood Experiences * 22:27 - Excitedly waiting, then being angry when dad returns. * 25:42 - Busy schedule, frequent business calls, family adjustments. * 27:21 - Parental separation impacts attachment. * 30:44 - Importance of understanding impact of time apart. * 34:16 - Feeling safe depends on environment and perception. * 35:56 - Reassure kids about safety. * 39:13 - Preparing for, navigating, and adjusting during transitions. * 42:41 - Research and resources available, affordable and accessible.

Resources mentioned in the episode:TCK Training White Paper on ACEs

Misunderstood Book

TCK Training is doing research on the childhood experience of growing up in a different country. They a’re asking adults what were the hardship and the positives of their childhood experience, and the strengths and struggles they found in adulthood. Add your story by completing the Survey.

Contact Tanya:LinkedIn

Website

Misunderstood: The impact of growing up overseas in the 21st century

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Synopsis:Nanna Hauch and I talk about transitions and how the Hero’s journey can help geographically split families with multiple changes at the same time. Nanna is a licensed couple and family psychotherapist, now based in Denmark. She's the founder of Expat Hero.

In This Episode:* The Hero’s journey 01:31 * Staying connected 08:56 * “Transition Triggers Trauma” and an overwhelmed nervous system 17:01 * “Honour that expat life is an adventure” 27:49 * Putting your mask on first versus sacrificing yourself in a crisis 35:12 * Living your story with courage 42:46

Resources Mentioned in the Episode:Joseph Campbell Hero’s Journey

Contact Nanna Hauch:Email

Web

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Synopsis:Today, my guest is Patrick Kadian, an expat for 30 years, and also Mr. Mom (in his words). We talk about how he navigates being a dad with a wife who's away a lot, how he has used his professional skills within his family life and how he has become more emotionally aware.

In This Episode:* Patrick’s message to dads 01:45 * Becoming the primary carer: an evolving situation 03:08 * Defying gender roles 09:43 * Managing the travel 19:49 * When she comes home from a trip…. 24:45 * Keeping the family cohesive and using professional tools 28:45

Download:Patrick's family branding artwork

Gender Roles as mentioned

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Synopsis:Florence Reisch, her husband and children have lived geographically apart for 7 years. We talk about the difference it made for her to prepare, what it was like for them. Living this life comes with expected and unexpected challenges and silver linings and we cover those too.

Florence Reisch is also known as ‘coachingwiththeflo’. She is a fellow Swiss who has lived around the world for 25 years. She is the author of the book ‘Expat Wife, Happy Life’, a book about expatriation, which is now in multiple languages, Spanish, German, Italian, Portuguese, and French is in the making. Quite a feat! She tells us a little about her book. Go buy the book to find out more!

In This Episode:* How the book came about (01:33). * The message in Florence’s book (03:54). * Challenges are normal and you can have an amazing life once you feel more confident (07:20). * The importance of personal work and investing in your relationship (09:50). * Effective communication (11:37). * Joining communities of similar interests (13:30). * ‘Don’t take a decision until you are in that situation? Reconsidering her opinion on split location and taking a decision that is best for everyone (16:24). * “Never assume an employee will not take the split location. Let people make their own decision” (19:23). * The importance of preparing for split location (21:21). * The help offered by the company and organising your own help (27:25) * The unexpected (33:33) * Silver linings (37:38)

Contact Florence:https://www.coachingwiththeflo.com/services

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Synopsis:Today my guest is Carlos Baker. We talk about his music, his new book, the challenges he went through in his childhood, surviving adult depression and being the primary parent in a new country.

In this Episode: * A challenging childhood illness: how parents and children can experience difficulties differently 01:00 * Not being equipped for adult adversity 18:50 * Dealing with adult depression 21:40 * “The beginning of an amazing adventure in Germany” 24:00 * Parenting choices and being the primary caregiver 26:00 * Living geographically apart for a time 33:20 * Living out a passion. Music and Writing 38:30

Contact Carlos BakerEmail: carlos.baker1@gmail.com

www.ckbakerband.com

C.K. Baker Band on Spotify

Songs for Ivy book

Trigger warning, this book deals with alcoholism, drug abuse, suicide child neglect and death and dying. It is a journey of acceptance and being surrounded by those who are true friends.

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Synopsis:Today, my guest is Kate Berger. With Kate, we talk about the main message parents need to give to children, what to do when an older child steps into the role of a physically absent parent and the importance of learning to cope with change. Kate is a child psychologist and the founder of the Expat Kids Club. Her main aim is to support emotional well-being of expatriate children, and she does that through individual, family and corporate consultations.

In this Episode: Why it’s important for children, parents and corporations to “learn and develop skills to cope effectively”.* 01:52 * Challenges due to Frequent Business Travel - Consequences of a parent travelling in and out of home 06:26 * Addressing when an older child steps into the physically absent parent’s role. Importance of parents working collaboratively 13:08 * Kate uses the word ‘instability’ to describe the coming and going of a parent who travels. She gives her insights on whether to strive for more stability or learn how to live better with it. 16:55 * The main message parents need to give to their children 20:28

Resources mentioned in the episode:* Families in Global Transition * Find out more about Third Culture Kids * The International Therapists Directory

Contact Kate:The Expat Kids Club

Kate Berger, MSc , Child & Adolescent Psychologist

+31614832702

expatkidsclub.com

Offices in Amstelveen & Wassenaar

See my interview with the Financial Times (video & article) and collaboration HSBC Expat "Expat Kids" Campaign (video & article).

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Synopsis:Dr Laura Anderson is a clinical psychologist and the founder of Common Chord Psychologist Services. She provides consultation services for multi-racial families, adoptive families, and families with gender expansive members, as they overcome barriers, derive strength from their differences and thrive. Additionally, she has a particular area of interest in supporting third culture children and families who may need support with the stresses associated with living out of their countries of origin. Today with Dr. Laura, we're going to be talking about how intercultural dynamics play out when distance is involved, how to be a family when not living under the same roof, and coping with uncertainties, which is very much part of this life when travel date changes, when there are emergencies, or when there's risk involved when the parent is in a hostile in environment.

In This Episode:* Dr Laura Anderson explains the name Common Chord * She explains her work among expat families and families in split locations, working with all age ranges. * She gives practical tips for understanding kid brain and strategies for coping with change. * She discusses how to talk about feelings and emotions with children and teens. * Rhoda and Dr Anderson discuss the importance of rituals and of keeping the traveling parent in the loop, as well as how to engage your child in conversation. * Navigating the return home of the travelling parent. * Dr Anderson touches on anxiety, and teaches us how to recognize the early symptoms, and how this can help in dealing with the root issues and reacting better. * Parents in dangerous locations and the importance of explaining in an age appropriate way the situation and the reasons behind the decision.

Contact Dr Laura

Website

Instagram

Facebook

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Synopsis:Today my guest is Kirsten Pontius. Kirsten is an expat, she is a wellness specialist. She works with individuals on their personal wellbeing but she also works with staff in international schools who are often forgotten! Kirsten and I met a few years ago in a workshop and we have recently reconnected. She gives us her insights and shares tools we can use when we are overwhelmed, which can definitely happen when our partner’s are away and we are the only adult at home.

In This Episode:

We're meant to have that kind of elevated stress response, 1%-3% of our lives

01:55 Helping families of staff of international schools
04:40 Kirsten’s story: from long-distance dating to 15 years abroad to holistic support
09:15 How can we break up the stress response so that we are not living in it all day every day. Especially when we feel there is no time to stop.
Reclaim time
Flexing the breath muscle with a breath point
Telling your body you are safe
Use a 3-min timer
24:20 Plan B as a Baseline
Buiding minimums
Building routine and automation to reduce decision fatigue when we live transient and changing lives
32:33 Achievable morning and evening routines as downtime
36:38 Considering what we are modeling
38:49 It’s not the expat ‘holding the fort’ lifestyle
41:00 Food intolerances and travel

Resources mentioned in the episode:* Progressive Muscle Relaxation * Grounding * Habit stacking * Book - Moving abroad with your health and sanity by Kirsten Pontius

Kirsten’s next Refresh Program will run: Sept 13 - Oct 18, 2023

Contact KirstenWebsite

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Synopsis:Franziska Luxhøj is the founder of Be Happy Abroad. She’s a coach, passionate about supporting internationals, and has experience of frequent business travel. We talk about nutrition which is a key element for anyone but especially important to pay attention to when there is a lot going on!

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Synopsis:Elizabeth has founded many businesses, she is a mentor, an author. She founded growatyourpace.com where you can find transformational courses. She is also the founder of Spoken Lives, where women share. She will tell us a little more about what she is doing now and Elizabeth has kindly agreed to share with us what it is like to travel for business when you are a mum and what she did that worked.

In This Episode:* About Elizabeth and the different projects she is involved in * Elizabeth’s first business trips as a young mum, how she experienced it and what practical things she put in place for her children to feel her presence. * The different roles in house management for the stay-at-home and the travelling partner * Equipping your children to be independent and resourceful * Creating a space for children to talk with their parents

Resources Mentioned in the Episode:* https://growatyourpace.com/ (online courses - free ones, too! (Mountain of Ideas & Baby Focus would be helpful)) * https://spokenlives.com/ (Toronto based women's speaker series) * https://www.amazon.com/Raising-Self-Reliant-Children-Self-Indulgent-World/dp/0761511288 resource mentioned in episode * www.yourapplauseacademy.com (online course - how to plan, launch and make money with your own speaker series) * www.officementors.com (business mentoring) * https://lidialae.com/

Contact ElizabethWebsite (book information and survey)

Raising Self-Reliant Children in a Self-Indulgent World: Seven Building Blocks for Developing Capable Young People

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Synopsis:Karina is an adult third culture kid, a psychologist, a sex therapist, and a mother. She helps expatriated cross-cultural and frequent traveling couples and families to thrive. We will talk first about her research that she's doing on becoming mothers abroad, and then she's going to give us her insights into frequent business travel. When you are a mom, this is a topic that hasn’t yet been addressed on this podcast, and one that comes up a lot in questions about frequent business travel.

In this Episode:* About Karina’s background and research * Matrescence, the process of becoming a mother * Combining motherhood and travel – Is it possible? Karina and Rhoda talk about what to consider in your decision-making and what to put in place if you decide to travel. * How each situation is different - be it moms, dads, or children – and how that should impact us. How to help each other in spite of differences. * Role models in children’s lives and the importance of being emotionally present. * Children’s developmental stages and the importance for attachment. * You don’t need to be perfect!

Resources Mentioned in the Episode:Help Karina’s research by filling in her survey below.

As a pioneering thesis in Sensory Processing Sensitivity, exploring some aspects of our personality as possible preventive factors during adjustment to motherhood, I need two large groups; expatriated and non-expatriate European mothers. So every mom is welcome to participate.

PARTICIPATION IS 100% ANONYMOUS AND VOLUNTEER.

FOR EXPATRIATED MOMS
FOR NON-EXPATRIATED EUROPEAN MOMS

Megan Meeker books:

Strong Mothers, Strong Sons

Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters

Contact Karina:Email

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Synopsis:Jennie Linton is a certified life coach, about to complete a clinical mental health counselling program, she is a mom to 4 daughters and married to a US diplomat. She’s lived on 4 continents and in 7 countries. She is part of the team on the Big Purple Blob, an online platform for US Diplomatic community and she is also the host of her own podcast, The Expat Mom. She is passionate about helping moms feel emotionally healthy so they can be the kind of mom they want to be.

In This Episode:* Jennie’s journey as an expat and her struggles related to her children’s mental health, and the importance of a positive mindset in how we perceive the world and our situation * How to identify the narratives in your head and transform them into a constructive thought process * Different practical tools to improving psychological and emotional health * Jennie walks us through a series of common beliefs about the expat life and holding down the fort abroad, and how to process the thoughts and counter them with facts and encouraging truth

Resources in the Episode:‘Myths That Threaten Split-Location Marriages’ free cheat sheet: https://forms.aweber.com/form/25/1425643925.htm

Contact Jennie:Website

Email: jennie@theexpatmom.com

Instagram

Facebook

Podcast: The Expat Mom

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Synopsis:Kate is British, married to a Frenchman and they currently live in France. She is a Facilitator, Certified Coach and Mentor. Her husband has been travelling Monday-Friday for about a year now. We talk about her family’s experience with this lifestyle, and what she has put in place.

In This Episode:* How Kate came to end up in France and the kind of coaching work Kate does * How learning to navigating change is a vital skill for all humans, especially expats * What Kate and her family put in place to enable business travel for her husband and to make it work for the whole family * The pros and cons of Monday-Friday business travel and Kate experience of navigating this model * The importance of listening to yourself, to your body, to set limits and expectations, and then constantly adapting to what works for you.

Contact Kate:Website

Phone: +33 6 22 40 88 27

Instagram

Facebook

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Synopsis:Angelic is a Holistic Health Practitioner, Mindfulness Coach and author from San Diego, CA. She is also a volunteer with the Myositis Support and Understanding organization where she moderates mindfulness conversations on clubhouse and advocates for myositis, a rare auto immune disease that has affected her own life. She also knows what it is to live as an expat. In this interview, she talks about her expat journey and her new book ‘Women Thrive’. We discuss how we can live wellness with a partner who works away from home.

In This Episode:* Angelic tells of her move to England with her partner, and the emotional challenges she faced in relation to her new situation, such as losing her sense of purpose. * How she came to discover the world of therapy and life coaching and then launching her own business in the field. * Angelic talks about volunteer work helping her regain purpose. * Angelic tells of her experience being diagnosed with and then managing a rare autoimmune disease. * What mindfulness is and how it can help to overcome false narratives and the stresses of life * Practical tips for practising mindfulness and other life tips * Angelic talks about her book ‘Women Thrive’

Resources Mentioned:Women Thrive: Inspiring True Stories of Women - by Angelic Ingram

Contact Angelic:Website

Instagram

Linktree

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Synopsis:Mariam Navaid Ottimofiore is a Pakistani expat author, writer, researcher and economist. She has lived in ten countries as both a TCK and an expat adult: The Kingdom of Bahrain, the United States, Pakistan, the United Kingdom, Germany, Denmark, Singapore, the United Arab Emirates, Ghana and Portugal. She is the author of the expat guidebook This Messy Mobile Life: How a MOLA can help globally mobile families create a life by design (Summertime Publishing 2019) which equips international families to navigate a life abroad. She is also the blogger behind the expat blog And Then We Moved To in which she explores expat life and raising multicultural and multilingual children in her East-meets-West marriage.

In This Episode:* Mariam’s life as a mum of a globally mobile family. Her experience of this lifestyle with young children and children of differing ages. * The unique struggle living and coping in cultures where one partner is entirely dependent on the travelling partner, with very little rights of their own (visa, finances, etc.) * The need for flexibility when one partner travels for work, as well as working together as a team. * The importance of asking for help, having a backup adult, and good self-care. To have realistic expectations of yourself. * Mum vs Dad travelling: the upsides and society’s double standards. * Navigating the return of the travelling parent and how to reintegrate them into family life and routine. * Ideas and strategies for keeping the travelling partner emotionally present in the home/with the kids. * The importance of good communication within the couple, sharing each other’s experiences. * How knowing all the travelling partner’s travel details can be vitally important, especially when dealing with high-risk situations

Contact Mariam:Website

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Synopsis:Carole Hallett is an expat expert and host of the Expat Ability Chat podcast and founder of Expat child. After having lived as an expat, she is now living in her home country while her husband moves on assignment. In her coaching practice she has often seen that frequent business travel is a part of the expat experience.

In This Episode:* Carole explains about her various moves as an expat in Japan, Germany and South Africa. She tells of how she met her husband and came to live the expat life as a couple too. * How companies do and don’t support families in overseas assignments, scenarios to be aware of and what to put in place to put the odds in your favour, such as building up a support network. * The importance of clearly communicating each partner’s needs, especially in a relationship where one partner is often travelling. * The challenges of moving with teens, how to change school systems with older children.

Resources Mentioned in the Episode:* Expat Child * Expatability Chat podcast

Contact Carole:* LinkedIn * Email

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Synopsis:Today my guest is Colleen Higgs. She and her husband have five children. As a professional turned mum, she knows what it is like to be frustrating when parenting is efficient! In her blog Unpacking Parenting, she challenges us to stop using measures used for efficiency and look at parenting in a completely different way. Colleen also knows what it is like to live abroad and have a travelling partner. She is just about to finish a solo-parenting stint of two years. She shares with us some of her insights on this life and what has helped her.

In This Episode:* Applying (or not) to parenting the principles we learn in our professional life. * Transition times * Don’t compare * How does living in your season look like * Some practical tips

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Synopsis:In this episode I share my acronym GREAT which helps to remember the five strategies to make business travel work for you and your family. Whether your partner is gone Monday to Friday, or months at a time.

Resources Mentioned in this Episode:* Workbook - How to ask for help and get the help you need.

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Synopsis:Today my guest is Arlette Chatlein. She is no stranger to living far from her partner. Born in Curaçao, Arlette moved to The Netherlands when she was 19 years old to study Economics at the University of Rotterdam. Little did she know that it would only be her first move. Her and her husband have lived apart at three different times. Listen to her share what they have learned.

In This Episode:1. Her three different experiences 2. What they have learned 3. What have you put in place, maybe even subconsciously that makes it work? Do you think it's mindset? 4. Do you think this life is for anyone or does it take a special kind of person?

Resources Mentioned in This Episode:* Tips on reaching out to people in a new context (see Arlette’s website)

Contact Arlette:Website

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Synopsis:Wiebke Anton is a relationship coach for people living abroad. In this episode, we talk about being a couple who moves and how we can prioritise our relationship.

In This Episode:* Typical scenarios that Wiebke sees in her work with couples who move abroad * What Wiebke focuses on during relationship care sessions, exercises that she uses, and how these apply to couples who are geographically separated * Some advice and fun ideas for keeping romance alive even when geographically separated, and how to have stress reducing conversations with your partner. * How to navigate phases of being reunited, when the travelling partner returns home, and examples of questions to ask each other. * The balance between sharing with your partner and keeping the relationship as carefree as possible. For example: am I using my partner's absence as an emotional blackmail or weapon in our arguments? How do I address negative feelings in an appropriate manner?

Resources mentioned in the episode:* Kate Galloway podcast with Wiebke Anton * The BeReal app. * Paula Hall books: https://www.paulahall.co.uk/books/ * How to Express Intense Emotions in a Healthy Way – Dr. Leaf (drleaf.com)

Wiebke's questions: for returning home:

When I come home or when you come home, what is your best way to unwind yourself from the journey and from the scenery change?
Do you need some buffer time and do you need, for instance, the first evening for yourself?
Do I want to be picked up from the airport? Yes or no?
Is it important for me that the house is cleaned, yes or no?
Do you want to cook? Shall we cook together? Do you want to come home and everything is prepared?

Contact Wiebke:Website

Instagram (@wiebke_anton_official)

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Synopsis:Becky Grappo is an educational consultant. She works with families throughout the United States and around the world on planning their children's education. Her husband was a career foreign service officer for 27 years in the US Diplomatic Service. During that time and with three young children at home, she went back to school and got her graduate degree in education. She taught in several international schools before going back to the US and working in a US public school. Then she worked at the State department helping to guide foreign service families as they were planning the education for their children. Throughout her husband's career, they faced several unaccompanied tours.

In This Episode:* What Becky does for work now * A new baby (not what you think!) during an unaccompanied tour * What couples need to have in place before being geographically separated * You are not the only family living apart in your organisation. Is there any way of getting together? Can you ask your partner’s organisation for support as a group?

Resources Mentioned in this Episode:* Monday Morning Emails - Book by Terry Anne Wilson & Jo Parfitt * Standardized Regulations (DSSR) - Department of State

Contact Becky:Email

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Synopsis:Today my guest is Richelle Futch. Richelle has built and scaled multiple ventures across technology, education, nonprofit and service based industries. She is a sponsorship specialist, an author, a public speaker and a trainer.

Richelle is a former Marine, current military spouse and advocate for military employment, preventative mental health care and reform. She has worked with congress members on policy reform and has been invited to the White House on behalf of her work and advocacy efforts.

Together we explore some of the similarities between a military family and a family where a partner is a humanitarian for example. We touch on the aspect of calling, or vocation which means physical separation from spouse and children. Non-Military families can learn from what helps military families succeed.

In this Episode:1. Richelle explains why she wrote her post (which later went viral) 2. She shares challenges military families experience. 3. What Richelle thinks military families need to succeed. 4. Richelle gives us what she has learned in her solo parenting journey. 5. What Richelle would say to the family of a humanitarian going to a country at war for example.

Resources mentioned in the episode1. Berry's acculturation model (see example here) 2. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (see explanation here) 3. www.herruck.com

Contact RichelleLinkedIn

Richelle’s LinkedIn Post: Full Text – Posted on 16 August 2022

"This past week I've been seeing some harsh posts in some social media groups about military spouses.

I have seen quite a few folks completely obliterate military spouses for identifying as military spouses. Saying "You don't serve." Or ask, "Why do you put that on your profile or resume?" Followed by hurtful bashing remarks disguised as humor.

Just some insight from my experience as both a veteran and military spouse...

When I say my spouse is active duty, I am not trying to say his accomplishments are mine. Not at all. What I am conveying is, as the spouse of someone who has been to war... multiple times, has a high optempo job, is dealing with a lot of stuff they can't always control or discuss, and is gone... a lot, I am impacted by this and it requires me to pivot my plans last minute, solo parent for months at a time, adjust, re-adjust, be emotionally intelligent, maintain my interests/career/friends/boundaries/ all knowing that the needs of the military comes first ...so, my plans while good in theory really are never completely solid. That is quite a mouthful, so it is easier to say I'm a military spouse and hope that the person receiving that understands 'Oh there are outside factors impacting their life that are different (or the same) as mine'. There is transparency in that statement. It means my family belongs to a culture you may or may not understand.

My point is, identifying as a military spouse is not stolen valor.

That is all :)

Richelle Futch, LICSW• 1st Entrepreneur & Founder: Sponsorship Specialist. Veteran. Mental Health Counselor. Trainer

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Synopsis:Today my guest is Bruna Toubia. She is multicultural, multilingual. She has lived in Europe, the Middle East and Asia. And she is trained in impressive array of holistic, process-orientated and goal-orientated methods. First she is going introduce systemic constellations and then she will help us see how they can be a powerful tool in situations where you are geographically separated from your spouse.

In this Episode: 1. Bruna explains constellations. 2. How can constellations help for someone who has a partner who is often absent with some examples of scenarios. 3. How constellations can help decide on a posting away from the family or help when time apart 4. Can a parent use it if there is a situation with a child? 5. How can someone set up a constellation with Bruna 6. Bruna shares with us a life or parenting resource

Resources mentioned in the episode:* Book - Love’s Hidden Symmetry: What Makes Love Work in Relationships? by Bert Hellinger

Contact Bruna:Website

Tel Number: +41 76 406 53 55

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Synopsis:Dr Neeta is a US licensed psychologist living, practicing, and consulting internationally. Her online private practice includes therapy and coaching services for expats, first gens, interculturalists, digital nomads, diplomats, humanitarian workers, military veterans, third culture kids, and globally mobile folx. Her approach is integrative and humanistic, with a focus on solutions for growth and holistic wellness. In This Episode:Emotional numbing and the wall between the partner who was away and the rest of the family. No place for stoicism! An invitation to doing deeper inner work The flip side of being strong Honoring the family system The importance of experimenting A bubble bath a day is not going to take away the loneliness Getting out of your head Preparing for a split location Recommended resources

Resources mentioned in the episode:https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/2153780.Hold_Me_Tight (Hold me Tight) book by Dr Sue Johnson https://self-compassion.org/ (Self Compassion) - website for Dr. Kristin Neff

Contact Dr Neeta:https://drneeta.com/ (Website)

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SynopsisIn this episode, I share a little about my burnout in January 2021, the panic attacks I experienced and the exhaustion that set in after a series of difficult situations accumulated. I share how I recovered and the lessons learned from that incredibly difficult time. If you feel that you have been stressed for a long time, this might be worth a listen. If you are experiencing panic attacks, stop listening if it is triggering for you. In these shownotes are the techniques and tools that helped me. I am so grateful that during that time I had access to emotional and practical help from professionals and from family and friends.

In this EpisodeWhat happened that led to burnout Lessons learned Bring your stress levels as low down as possible as often as possible Check your hormone levels Check your vitamin and mineral levels (low B12 & Low Magnesium) Self-havening, Progressive Muscle Relaxation to relax Time your panic attack

Resources Mentioned in the Episodehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ILhPOKTTkAY&t=461s (Self havening) Dr Caroline Leaf https://www.mybodyfix.co.nz/blog/how-do-spikey-massage-balls-work/ (Spikey ball) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=chDdgLRvV5E (Progressive Muscle Therapy ) Vivian Chiona at Expat Nest

Contact Rhodarhoda@amulticulturallife.com http://www.amulticulturallife.com/ (www.amulticulturallife.com) to sign up for newsletter

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Synopsis:International adoptee, born in Sri Lanka and holder of a French passport, Florence Chabert d’Hieres specialises in cross-cultural training and coaching from 6 years old kids to top management. In 2009, she created Coach4expat. She is the author of “I'm a citizen of the world” for parents and children to help them succeed in their expat adventure. During the pandemic, she created Expat Village an online village, allowing a one stop shop for the personal and professional needs for expats and their families. In This Episode:More about Expat Village and Florence’s work How she has experienced having a partner who is away a lot for work. What Florence would say to families with little children/older children? What she has found works for this type of lifestyle. Brain Gym and how it has helped Florence and her family (specifically with being away from each other) Apart from Brain Gym, Florence shares a life/parenting resource that she has found really helpful

Mentioned in the Episode:https://braingym.org.uk/personnel/florence-chabert-dhieres/ (Brain Gym) https://www.expat-village.com/ (Expat Village) Contact Florence:Coach4Expat

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SynopsisShellee Burroughs is a UK Registered Art Therapist. She has 10+ years’ experience counselling within the education sector, specialising in trauma and sexual abuse therapy. She is an experienced child and adolescent counsellor using a range of approaches from Creative Arts and Play/Sand Tray Therapy, Child Accelerated Trauma Therapy, Narrative Therapy, and Strengths Based Psychology. She also knows all about Third Culture Kids! In this EpisodeShellee’s personal and professional story. Her main takeaways of living split location during Covid with teens I ask Shellee if she sees any benefits to this life What would say to a family who is about to live it or who is living? With teens? How art therapy can help us with this lifestyle' (even for non-artists). Shellee shares about her post it notes. A favourite resource

Resources Mentioned in Episodehttps://advice.theshineapp.com/articles/struggling-to-name-how-you-feel-try-using-this-wheel/ (The Emotions’ Wheel) Good for when you're struggling to name how you feel. Families in Global Transition

Contact Shellee Burroughshttps://www.instagram.com/creativeglobalconnections/?hl=en (Instagram) https://harleytherapy.com/therapists/shellee-burroughs (Website) Email

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SynopsisFor many years, Matthijs de Rave worked as Sales Director for well known, worldwide insurance companies and was also an author of children’s books. One day, he had an airplane epiphany and founded Expat Valley. I talk to him about being the first Ombudsman for International Children, and what it was like being an travelling dad. In this EpisodeWhat is an Ombudsman for International Children, what Matthijs does and who are international children. (1:19) His personal experience of travelling a lot for work and being a dad. (5:59) The impact on his children. (6:51) His airplane epiphany. (8:11) The Trip Kit.(11:25) Phone calls home (20:41) What Matthijs would say to someone who is just starting to travel a lot for work. (21:55). The importance of hearing other people’s stories around business travel and being more open about talking about it. (26:16) Matthijs’ favourite resources for life and parenting. (35:22)

Resources mentioned in the episodehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fcQKWkpPB3U (The Biggest Little Farm)

Contact Matthijs de Ravehttps://www.expatvalley.com/ (Expat Valley) https://www.linkedin.com/in/matthijs-de-rave-55495a10/ (LinkedIn)

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SynopsisKerry is a researcher, collaborator and entrepreneur in aging, care and connection. She is the Founder of The Long Distance Grandparent, a mission driven business, helping grandparents build strong bonds with their grandchildren – no matter the distance between. In this Episode The Long Distance Grandparent Society (1:10) Nurturing the relationship: similarities in maintaining connection between grandparents and grandkids and maintaining connection with travelling parents & their children (6:30) The Five Pillars to Connection (11:40) The importance of having a vision for the relationship (11:50) The Connection Loop (30:37) Starting early (39:11) Grief (40:20) Spontaneity(42:09) Two of Kerry’s favourite resources for parenting (44:34)

Resources mentioned in the episodehttps://www.sarahrosensweet.com/ (Peaceful Parenting) Raising Adventurous Eaters https://peekabond.com/ (Peekabond)

Contact Kerryhttp://www.thelongdistancegrandparent.com/ (www.thelongdistancegrandparent.com) Kerry has a lot of different blogs on connecting, various topics, inspiration and ideas for staying connected. She sends out a weekly email with those kinds of tips. and you can find out more about the membership at that website as well.

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SynopsisSharoya Ham is a behaviour change specialist and founder of Embrace Behavior Change. She is also a licensed teacher with over 25 years of experience working with at-risk students and their families. Her favourite career, however, was as a stay-at-home mom. She attributes her three amazing sons who are now 18, 20, and 23 for teaching her endless lessons about parenting. Sharoya is an American who hails from the state of New Jersey. Over the past 15 years, she and her husband and their three sons have lived in six African countries. Sharoya’s husband travelled a lot over the years so she knows what it is like to be home alone with the children.

In this Episode:Sharoya’s general approach: working with parents at their wit’s end when nothing works to see relationships transform. Acknowledging what is going right and creating a vision. Embracing your own behaviour changes. Building what we want to see in our children in five/ten years from now. The difference between a compliment and building confidence. Focusing on positive behaviours Sharoya’s personal journey Recognising it is a lot! We keep asking our bodies and emotions more than they can handle. What dads say about parenting How we can invite our travelling partners to parent.

Resources mentioned in the Episode:1. https://susanseay.com/product/personal-permission-card-set/ (Personal permission card set ) "I give myself permission to ..." 2. Marco Polo app

Contact SharoyaWebsite: https://www.embracebehaviorchange.com (Embrace Behavior Change) Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/EmbraceBehaviorChange (Embrace Behavior Change) Instagram: https://instagram.com/parentcoachsharoya (parentcoachsharoya) Twitter: https://twitter.com/SharoyaHam (Sharoya Ham)

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SynopsisVivian is the founder of Expat Nest, an online counselling service for internationals. She is a registered psychologist with Master’s degrees in both Child & Adolescent Psychology and Health Psychology. She was recognised in 2020 as one of the 100 most influential women in the world by Women appreciating Women. She is bicultural with family all over the world, Vivian is familiar with the international community and inspired by its diversity.

In this episodeVivian’s goal - providing an empathetic and comforting environment in which expats feel heard and understood and helping deal with the challenges of expat life. Multi-lingual and expat specialised: how and why Expat Nest works. Difficulties that Vivian often sees with people living in split locations. Vivian’s top tips for couples and families living in split locations. Why get in touch with a therapist? Vivian’s top recommended resources.

Resources Mentionedhttps://www.amazon.co.uk/Third-Culture-Kids-Experience-Growing/dp/1857885252 (‘Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds’ )book by David C. Pollock & Ruth E. van Reken Families In Global Transition https://www.amazon.co.uk/Belonging-Everywhere-Nowhere-Insights-Counseling/dp/0615696066 (‘Belonging Everywhere and Nowhere’) book by Lois J. Bushong https://www.amazon.co.uk/Holding-Fort-Abroad-Surviving-parenting/dp/1838167013 (‘Holding The Fort Abroad’) book by Rhoda Bangerter https://www.facebook.com/groups/2618040678441348/about/ (‘Solo Parenting Expat Mums’) Facebook group https://tandemnomads.com/podcast/ (The Tandem Nomad Podcast) by Amel Derragui https://www.sundaebean.com/in-transit/ ('In Transit’ (formerly Expat Happy Hour) podcast) with Sundae Bean

Contact Vivianhttps://www.expatnest.com (Expat Nest)

Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds, Revised Edition

Belonging Everywhere and Nowhere: Insights into Counseling the Globally Mobile

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Synopsis:Robert has many different skills, he’s been in the military, he’s been a teacher, he is trained as an engineer and he is the dad of two wonderful girls. He gives us his perspective as a Holding the Fort Dad and gives some fantastic tips on parenting too !

In This Episode: Robert’s life before becoming a Holding the Fort Dad Being the only dad in Mother & Toddler groups Stagging on & Staffing off: the importance of getting rest. The value of retraining Top tips on having a female au pair when mum is the one travelling Batch cooking Taking care of an elderly parent as well Advice to dads whose partner is about to be away a lot for work The importance of having other adult contact

Resources:www.mumsnet.com - a wonderful resource for getting answers to questions https://www.bdadyslexia.org.uk/dyslexia/neurodiversity-and-co-occurring-differences/dyscalculia-and-maths-difficulties (Dyscalculia)

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Synopsis:Claire Hauxwell is a professional badass (accompanying supportive spouse), writer, and coach. A trained Supply Chain professional and ex-spreadsheet lover, she now puts her Type A personality to work by deconstructing the nuances of expat life. With more than a decade of global living experience, Claire shares her wisdom on the blog – My Theory On Blooming, and coaches female expat accompanying spouses to create fulfilling and intentional lives abroad. If she’s not roaming the aisles of the grocery store or meandering the forest with her dogs, you’ll find her sweating it out at CrossFit or having cocktails with friends. Claire and her family currently live in Switzerland, but return to the shores of Muskegon, Michigan every summer for a taste of home. On this podcast she shares her expat story through the lens of life with a partner who travels for work. In this Episode: Claire begins her story as an accompanying spouse with a newborn and a toddler in a new city with a husband gone for work most of the time. Missing birthdays and big dates(stay tuned, this comes up again at 30) The importance of organising help with childcare. Transitions when your partner comes home from a trip. Keeping your partner in the loop when they are away What Claire would say to a new mum, in a new place, with a partner who travels.

Mentioned in this Episode: Guidebook ‘Asking for help’

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Synopsis:Helen is NOT an expat, she is the mother of expats, a long distance grandparent and the author of a series of books on distance relationships between grandparents, distance sons and daughters and distance grandchildren. One of Helen’s children was an expat with a travelling partner. This episode is a conversation being a distance grandparent when your expat child is solo parenting.

In This Episode:The importance of generations understanding each other in distance families Being available but keeping boundaries Distance Parents/in Laws are all different ! Advice for Distance Parents How a Distance Child can use this advice to ask their parents/in laws for help What if you have a difficult relationship with Parents/In Laws ?

Resource Mentioned in the Episode:https://www.distancefamilies.com/shop.html (Being a Distance Grandparent) by Helen Ellis https://www.5lovelanguages.com/ (5 Love Languages) by Gary Chapman https://karenrancourt.com/books/its-all-about-relationships/ (It's All About Relationships) by Karen L Rancourt

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Synopsis:Margaret Ghielmetti knows what it is like to be home alone when she thought she was moving abroad with her husband and not moving abroad waiting for her husband to come home. She talks about her journey from thinking she would be fine to the reality she encountered to finally being open about needing help and creating a life for herself on her own terms. In this Episode: The metaphorical life handbook we receive from our families. Why Margaret was surprised by the effect of her husband’s travelling although she (thought she) knew what she had signed up for. Supporting each other when not in the same place. Expressing your needs. Sharing the blessing of allowing others to help us. Stop saying ‘I’m fine’. Deciding non-negotiables for you! Keeping soft boundaries. Casting a wide net. Feeling lonely when you feel you should be feeling lucky.

Resources Mentioned in the Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XGpm7efVJcA (Brene Brown/The Anatomy of Trust) https://www.amulticulturallife.com/guide-books (Guidebook ‘Asking for help’ )

Contact Margaret:‘Bravi(ish): A Memoir of a Recovering Perfectionist’ http://www.margaretghielmetti.com/ (www.margaretghielmetti.com)

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SynopsisIn this episode I talk about what you can expect from this podcast and why I am doing it. Extract from the book Holding the Fort Abroad: “Holding the fort, or, in American English, holding down the fort, is an expression that means taking care of things during someone’s absence. In March 2019, as my husband prepared to live in Afghanistan for two years while I stayed in Switzerland, I realised that he has travelled for work throughout our 15-year marriage, albeit not eight weeks at a time, as we were then planning. It would be fair to say I took care of home, family and my own projects while he was away. There have been times when I arrived with our two boys at the location of my husband’s new posting and he was already off on a work trip. In the meantime, I found a home, transitioned the children into a new school and settled in. Or the other way around: he went on to his new job while I sold the house, organised the goodbyes and shipped us all off to our new destination. Over the years, I have had conversations with fellow globally mobile families about the fact that often, a big part of a posting includes work travel. Frequent business travel is mentioned, along with loss of social network, loneliness and resentment as typical stresses of expatriation on the Accompanying Partner. But its impact is rarely looked at separately. It is high time we start talking, in its own right, about life abroad with a travelling partner.”

Resources mentioned in the showhttps://www.amulticulturallife.com/books (Holding the Fort Abroad) - Book

Follow Rhoda at:https://www.instagram.com/amulticulturallife/ (Instagram) https://www.facebook.com/groups/2618040678441348/?ref=bookmarks (Solo parenting expat mums) - Facebook group https://www.linkedin.com/in/rhodabangerteramulticulturallife/ (LinkedIn)

Holding the Fort Abroad: Recent Episodes

Rhoda Bangerter

09 Shellee Burroughs

17 Arlette Chatlein

15 Becky Grappo

19 Colleen Higgs

20 Carole Hallett Mobbs

52 Florence Reisch

39 Michael Sullivan

60 Navine Eldesouki

06 Sharoya Ham Parenting Together Long Distance

46 Irene You Have to Behave When I Am Away - became a ‘good girl’

51 Katia Vlachos The Impact of Parental Absence on Childhood

29 Dr Laura Anderson How to be a Family on Split Locations

05 Vivian Chiona Facing the Challenges of Expat Life Together

24 Jenny Linton Myths that threaten long distance marriages

37 Phillips Hwang, Love Knows No Borders,Connection and Intimacy in Long Distance Relationships

58 Lidia Lae