Council for Relationships

View Details

At Council for Relationships (CFR), we proudly shine a spotlight on Lia Pezzato, MFT, a dedicated queer-affirming therapist in Philadelphia and New Jersey. Lia brings a unique perspective and passion to her work, ensuring clients feel understood and supported in their journey toward mental wellness.

[caption id="attachment_97769" align="alignleft" width="400"] Request a therapy appointment.[/caption]

Background and Journey to CFRLia’s path to becoming a therapist began with her academic journey at Caldwell University, where she earned a Bachelor's degree in Psychology. She then pursued a Master's degree in Marriage and Family Therapy at Thomas Jefferson University. During her graduate studies, Lia interned at CFR, where she was impressed by the supportive community and commitment to non-profit work.

Lia’s values align perfectly with CFR’s mission to provide accessible mental health care. She is passionate about serving communities and advocating for affordable therapy for all.

How a Queer-Affirming Therapist in Philadelphia Approaches TherapyLia is a queer-affirming therapist in Philadelphia who uses her identity as a queer woman to inform her practice. She collaborates with clients to build self-esteem and confidence. While she primarily practices Narrative Therapy, Lia tailors her approach by integrating various therapeutic models, such as Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), to meet each client's unique needs.

Lia’s adaptability allows her to work effectively with individuals, couples, and families. She understands that every client is different and strives to provide personalized care that addresses specific challenges.

What to Expect in a First SessionStarting therapy can be a daunting experience, but Lia aims to make this transition as smooth as possible. Lia will spend most of the time getting to know you in your first session. She will explore your personal history, family background, and current challenges. Together, you will set therapy goals that align with your needs and hopes.

Lia ensures that her clients feel comfortable and heard from the start. She opens the floor for questions or concerns, creating an open and welcoming environment.

[caption id="attachment_97770" align="alignright" width="400"] Lia Pezzato sees therapy clients in Philadelphia, Blue Bell, PA, and Voorhees, NJ.[/caption]

The Goal of TherapyFor Lia, therapy is more than just addressing immediate concerns; it provides a supportive and safe space for clients to develop the skills to navigate life’s obstacles. She believes in equipping her clients with the tools to tackle future challenges and build resilience. Lia’s approach to therapy focuses on helping clients feel more comfortable, relieved, and supported after each session.

Guiding Clients Towards Their GoalsLia’s therapeutic style is collaborative, meaning she works with clients to explore the best strategies for them. She gently challenges clients to step out of their comfort zones at a manageable pace. Empathy and self-care are central to her approach, and she encourages clients to be kind to themselves, especially when facing difficulties.

Combining various therapeutic models, Lia creates a personalized roadmap for each client, ensuring they feel supported throughout their journey.

Words of Encouragement for Potential ClientsIf you are hesitant about starting therapy, Lia offers this advice: "Take the step for yourself." She emphasizes that therapy is a personal journey, and individuals can choose a therapist who meets their needs.

Lia encourages clients to embrace discomfort as an opportunity for growth. Therapy is a private, safe space where clients seek support without judgment.

Ready to Begin Your Journey?If you are looking for a compassionate and collaborative therapeutic experience, Lia Pezzato is here to help. As a queer-affirming therapist in Philadelphia, Lia is dedicated to supporting all individuals, couples, and families on their journey toward healing and growth.

Request an appointment with Lia today and take the first step towards improved well-being and self-discovery.

[caption id="attachment_74528" align="alignleft" width="150"] Lia Pezzato, MFT, (pictured here) is a CFR Staff Therapist.[/caption]

About New Jersey & Pennsylvania Therapist Lia Pezzato, MFTIf you’re in New Jersey or Pennsylvania and seeking therapy, consider contacting Lia. Whether you prefer in-person sessions at our offices in Vorhees, NJ, Center City Philadelphia, Blue Bell, PA, or the convenience of online therapy, Lia is here to support you on your journey. Please request an appointment with her today.

With over 40 queer-affirming therapists in Philadelphia, you will find someone to help you pursue your goals. Visit our Therapist Directory to find the right CFR Therapist for you.

If this is an emergency, please call 911 or contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline by dialing 988.

More Mental Health Blogs from CFR Therapists & PsychiatristsCFR’s therapists, psychiatrists, and other mental health professionals offer much more to explore! Check out the CFR Expert Voices blog for great mental and emotional health advice on managing your anxiety, understanding family dynamics, exploring attachment theory in therapy, improving relationships, and much more. To get first access to our Expert Voices blog, join our mailing list.

https://councilforrelationships.org/do-i-have-an-eating-disorder/

https://councilforrelationships.org/philadelphia-therapist-embraces-spirituality-in-counseling/

https://councilforrelationships.org/marriage-and-family-therapist-in-philadelphia-aspires-to-empower/

View Details

In human relationships, patterns often shape behaviors and influence how we interact with each other. As a rabbi and therapist-in-training, I’ve learned that using a systemic approach to relationships helps us understand these patterns better. This approach deepens our understanding of why certain behaviors continue and gives us tools to foster healing and stronger connections.

My work with family systems theory, Narrative Therapy, and attachment theory has improved my work with communities and individuals. It has allowed me to be more compassionate and effective in my daily interactions.

[caption id="attachment_97559" align="alignleft" width="400"] Request a therapy appointment today.[/caption]

Understanding Family Systems in Community DynamicsFamily systems theory emphasizes understanding people as part of a family unit, where each member influences the others. The theory uses tools like the Genogram, a family tree that maps emotional relationships and patterns across generations. This family tree identifies recurring issues and reveals how past events shape current behaviors.

When I first became a rabbi, I encountered traditions in my community that I thought needed change. However, by applying family systems theory, I realized these traditions were not outdated rituals but responses to past traumas or significant events. Understanding this helped me approach these traditions with more empathy and respect.

This systemic approach to relationships guided the community in honoring its past while remaining open to necessary changes.

The Power of Narrative Therapy in a Systemic ApproachNarrative Therapy is another crucial part of a systemic approach to relationships. This therapy emphasizes the stories we tell ourselves and how these stories shape our identity and actions. In religious communities, these stories often include inherited beliefs about who we are and what our faith represents.

Outdated or harmful beliefs can root these narratives, making them less beneficial. Narrative Therapy allows us to reframe these stories, aligning them with our current values and goals.

Narrative Therapy helps us rewrite these stories, allowing individuals and communities to reclaim their identities in ways that match their current values and goals. For example, in a Jewish context, we often hear stories about suffering and endurance. While these stories are historically important, they may not fully capture the diverse experiences of modern Jewish life. Revisiting these stories through a systemic approach to relationships helps us understand our past and imagine a future that reflects a broader, more inclusive view of our community.

This reimagining process is about changing the story and recognizing our power to shape our narrative. It allows communities to redefine their mission and identity in ways that stay true to their traditions while responding to today's challenges.

Relationships and Healing: Buber’s Relational Approach and Attachment TheoryMartin Buber, a Jewish philosopher, introduced the concept of "I-Thou" relationships. These relationships encourage us to engage with others as whole beings, building meaningful and mutual connections. This idea aligns closely with therapy goals, emphasizing genuine, empathetic connections between the therapist and client.

As a rabbi, I’ve used this concept to deepen relationships within my community. Instead of seeing members as just part of a group, I focus on each person’s unique needs and experiences. This shift has led to more meaningful interactions and stronger bonds.

Attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, supports Buber’s ideas by showing how early relationships with caregivers influence our ability to form secure attachments later in life. This understanding is especially useful in a community setting. For example, individuals with insecure attachments from childhood may struggle with trust and openness within the community. Recognizing these patterns allows me to adjust my approach to help them feel more secure and supported.

In one memorable case, a community member who had always been distant became more engaged after several conversations where I applied these principles. By acknowledging their fears and offering consistent support, I built a level of trust that eventually led to their deeper engagement with the community. This experience reinforced the importance of understanding the underlying dynamics that influence our relationships, whether in a family unit, a community, or any other group.

Bringing It All Together: The Systemic Approach to RelationshipsUsing a systemic approach to relationships that combines family systems theory, Narrative Therapy, and attachment theory, I’ve learned that relationships—whether in a family, community, or larger group—are complex systems influenced by many factors. Understanding how these factors interact helps us navigate challenges and foster healthier, more supportive relationships.

In my journey as a rabbi and therapist-in-training, these approaches have significantly deepened my empathy and connection with those I serve. I’ve seen their powerful impact in helping individuals and communities achieve better health and functionality.

In conclusion, a systemic approach to relationships offers a valuable framework for understanding and improving the relationships that shape our lives. Whether we’re addressing family dynamics, community challenges, or personal struggles, these methods provide the tools we need to create meaningful change. I’m excited to see their positive impact on the communities I serve and the individuals I support.

About the Clergy Track at CFRThe Clergy Track in Council for Relationships' Postgraduate Certificate Program in Marriage and Family Therapy equips clergy and religious leaders to combine clinical skills with their pastoral work. This program offers specialized training in systemic and relational approaches to therapy, helping clergy better support their faith communities. The curriculum includes courses on family systems theory, trauma-informed care, and pastoral counseling tailored to the unique needs of religious professionals.

Learn more about the program by visiting our Clergy Track webpage. For more information, contact Rev. Dr. Dolores Littleton, the Director of the Clergy Track.

[caption id="attachment_97543" align="alignright" width="150"] Rabbi Yair D. Robinson (pictured here)[/caption]

About Rabbi Yair D. RobinsonRabbi Yair D. Robinson has served Congregation Beth Emeth in Wilmington, Delaware, since 2009. A dedicated spiritual leader, Rabbi Robinson is also a recent graduate of the Council for Relationships' Congregational and Family Systems Certificate program, where he deepened his understanding of systemic and relational approaches to therapy, integrating these insights into his work with faith communities and individuals.

If you or someone you know could benefit from professional therapy, request an appointment with one of Council for Relationships' therapists today. We're here to support you on your journey to healing and growth.

If this is an emergency, please call 911 or contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline by dialing 988.

More Mental Health Blogs from CFR Therapists & PsychiatristsCFR’s therapists, psychiatrists, and other mental health professionals offer much more to explore! Check out the CFR Expert Voices blog for great mental and emotional health advice on managing anxiety, understanding family dynamics, exploring attachment theory in therapy, improving relationships, and much more. To get first access to our Expert Voices blog, join our mailing list!

If you enjoyed this blog on the systemic approach to relationships, check out these other fantastic CFR Expert Voices blogs:

https://councilforrelationships.org/daily-examen-benefits-examples-history/

https://councilforrelationships.org/help-im-a-clergy-person-and-im-feeling-like-im-ill-equipped-to-handle-the-emotional-spiritual-and-mental-demands-of-serving-the-congregation-in-2022/

https://councilforrelationships.org/what-is-the-intersystem-approach-to-therapy/

View Details

The benefits of group therapy are numerous and can offer a powerful path to healing and personal growth. Group therapy brings people together who are facing similar challenges, providing a supportive environment where participants can connect, learn, and grow. Whether you are dealing with grief, anxiety, or looking to build stronger relationships, understanding the group therapy benefits can help you decide if this approach is right for you.

[caption id="attachment_97203" align="alignleft" width="400"] Request a therapy appointment with Mike Butera, LMFT.[/caption]

What is Group Therapy?A therapist or mental health professional leads group therapy, where individuals facing similar challenges come together. These sessions aim to foster connection, offer support, and help participants develop new coping strategies. Conducted either in person or online, group therapy provides flexibility for participants. Understanding the benefits of group therapy helps you determine if this approach suits your needs.

Different Types of Group TherapyThere are various types of group therapy, each tailored to different needs and goals. Here are some of the most common:

Psychoeducational Groups: These groups follow a structured curriculum designed to offer participants insights and coping strategies for specific mental health issues like anxiety or depression.
Skills Development Groups: These groups focus on teaching and practicing new coping skills, such as anger management or social skills. These therapy sessions are goal-oriented and highly interactive, designed to actively engage participants in learning and applying new techniques.
Cognitive-Behavioral Groups: In these sessions, participants work on identifying and changing negative thought patterns that lead to unhealthy behaviors. Group therapy's benefits in this context include high participant engagement and the practical application of new strategies.
Interpersonal Process Groups: These groups focus on the dynamics between participants, exploring emotions and relationships in the here and now. This type of group therapy benefits those looking to improve their relational skills in a safe environment.

Group Therapy vs. Support GroupsWhile both group therapy and support groups provide communal support, they differ in their focus and structure:

Intent to Change vs. Cope: Group therapy benefits participants by focusing on changing behaviors or perspectives, while support groups, such as grief support groups, help individuals cope with ongoing challenges.
Facilitation: In group therapy, a trained mental health professional leads the sessions, ensuring they remain therapeutic and focused on specific goals. In contrast, peers often lead support groups, with a primary focus on sharing experiences rather than achieving therapeutic outcomes.
Confidentiality and Structure: Group therapy sessions are confidential and structured, with set guidelines and goals. Support groups tend to be more flexible, with an open-door policy and less emphasis on confidentiality.

[caption id="attachment_97204" align="alignright" width="400"] Infographic by Council for Relationships[/caption]

The Benefits of Group TherapyGroup therapy offers numerous benefits that can sometimes complement or even surpass individual therapy. Here are some key advantages:

Cultivate a Sense of Community: One of the greatest benefits of group therapy is the sense of belonging it creates. Participants realize they are not alone in their struggles, which fosters a strong sense of community.
Gain New Perspectives: Group therapy sessions allow participants to hear others’ stories, which can offer new insights and perspectives on their own situations. This can lead to significant shifts in understanding and behavior.
Boost Self-Esteem and Confidence: Supporting others in the group and receiving support in return can significantly boost self-esteem and confidence. It reinforces the idea that everyone has something valuable to contribute.
Develop Social Skills: The group setting is a great place to practice social skills and improve interpersonal relationships. This is one of the benefits of group therapy that is hard to achieve in individual therapy.
Cost-Effective: Group therapy is often more affordable than individual therapy, making it a cost-effective option for those seeking support. It allows participants to benefit from professional guidance in a communal setting.

Is Group Therapy Right for You?Assessing your needs and readiness is essential when considering whether group therapy is right for you. Group therapy benefits those open to sharing and learning in a group setting and motivated to make positive changes. If you are dealing with an immediate crisis, individual therapy might be a better first step, but group therapy can be an excellent supplement or alternative as you progress in your healing journey.

[caption id="attachment_95366" align="alignleft" width="400"] Register for the free information session today![/caption]

Join CFR's Upcoming Group Therapy Information SessionIf you are interested in further exploring the benefits of group therapy, Council for Relationships is hosting an information session led by Mike Butera, LMFT. This session will introduce the "Strengthening Connections" group, which focuses on building deeper, more meaningful relationships within a supportive community. Whether you are new to group therapy or looking to enhance your existing support network, this session is an excellent opportunity to learn more.

For more information, visit CFR's Strengthening Connections Group.

Additionally, if you are a mental health provider, you will want to check out the following group therapy professional development workshops we are hosting this Fall:

Therapeutic Groups for Children and Adolescents: Creating Space for Healing and Growth
Don't Make Me Go to a Group! Unleashing the Power of Mutual Support
Let's Get to Work! Navigating the "Conflict and Rebellion" Stage through Effective Group Facilitation

[caption id="attachment_95367" align="alignright" width="150"] Request a therapy appointment.[/caption]

About Philadelphia Therapist Mike Butera, LMFTMike Butera, LMFT, is a dedicated therapist at CFR. He is committed to helping clients achieve their goals and find their path to well-being. Mike's unique background, empathetic approach, and unwavering support make him an invaluable team member.

If you are in Pennsylvania and seeking therapy or have questions about group therapy benefits, consider contacting Mike. Whether you prefer in-person sessions at our two Philadelphia offices in University City and Center City or the convenience of online therapy, Mike is here to support you on your journey.

Please visit his CFR profile for more information or to schedule an appointment with Mike Butera. You can also request a therapy appointment with one of our 85 other therapists.

If this is an emergency, please call 911 or contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline by dialing 988.

More Mental Health Blogs from CFR Therapists & PsychiatristsCFR’s therapists, psychiatrists, and other mental health professionals offer much more to explore! Check out the CFR Expert Voices blog for great mental and emotional health advice on managing your anxiety, spirituality in the therapy room, improving your relationships, tips for healing from a traumatic experience, and much more. To get first access to our Expert Voices blog, join our mailing list!

If you enjoyed this blog on group therapy benefits, check out these other fantastic CFR Expert Voices blogs:

https://councilforrelationships.org/therapy-that-can-teach-you-forgiveness/

https://councilforrelationships.org/the-shortest-self-help/

https://councilforrelationships.org/how-to-let-go-of-guilt/

View Details

Bianca Williams, a dedicated clinician at Council for Relationships, emphasizes the importance of normalizing all feelings and emotions for her clients. Mental health in minority communities is a critical issue, and this blog aims to shed light on the unique challenges and stigmas that exist within these communities. Bianca shares her personal and professional insights to help readers understand the importance of mental health care and the steps we can take to support mental and physical health in minority communities.

[caption id="attachment_96962" align="alignleft" width="400"] Request a therapy appointment with Bianca Williams, MFT.[/caption]

The Importance of Normalizing EmotionsAs a clinician, I must normalize all the feelings and emotions that my clients are experiencing. One of the best gifts we can offer each other is a sense of connectedness, a message that says, "You are not alone in this."

As a clinician at the Council for Relationships, I have seen what topics and issues matter most in mental health and wellness. In 2020, the world stopped when COVID-19 became an official pandemic. For better or worse, we had to remain indoors, surrounded by loved ones.

During that time, one thing became certain: individuals, parents, partners, and family members had to look deeper and start addressing things that didn't feel right.

Reflections on Emotional Expression and Family MessagesIn the therapy room, I often hear about my clients' early experiences with emotional expression in their families. Some clients witness the overwhelming impact of their parent's feelings, like seeing a parent who struggles with depression and spends a lot of time in bed. They may grow to feel responsible for other people's feelings because they learned to take on the role of trying to help their parents. (Parents, it is important to be mindful of how much of and how you share your struggle with your children!).

On the other hand, some clients experience a parent who never showed complicated feelings or emotions, leaving their young brain to conclude that having or expressing feelings was unacceptable. This illustrates how messages are learned and how narratives become ingrained in our brains. It's essential to recognize that we can rewrite how we react toward ourselves and interact with others.

Stigmas around mental illness still exist, especially in communities of color. According to the National Council for Mental Wellbeing, long-held beliefs like "God only gives you what you can handle" and "asking for help puts your business out there" only perpetuate the taboo.

Knowledge of the history of trauma and struggles experienced by elders in communities of color might lead some African Americans to internalize the belief that they have no room to talk about their problems. When this is coupled with parental messaging around "grinning and bearing it" or "picking yourself up by the bootstraps," that shutting down of emotional expression becomes reinforced.

If the parent cannot tolerate their child's feelings due to their own trauma, they may further reinforce it by saying things like "Do you need something to really cry about?" or "Stop whining."

This highlights the importance of having access to resources that promote the sharing and understanding of intergenerational trauma and its impact on mental and physical health.

The Impact of Historical Trauma on Mental Health in Minority CommunitiesMcLean Hospital in Belmont, Massachusetts, is known for its work in mental health care, research, and education. For example, they highlight stress's effects on reproductive cells and the uterus. This means that descendants of people who experienced trauma may already be vulnerable to mental health conditions like anxiety and depression.

Consider the mental health implications for descendants of people, including Black Americans, who have experienced enslavement, severe poverty, and extreme violence. According to the World Health Organization, although African American adults are 20 percent more likely to report serious psychological distress than white adults, only one in three African Americans who struggle with mental health issues will receive appropriate treatment. This directly correlates with the stigma that still exists in this community.

Despite these challenges, I see positive changes on the horizon and up close. The number of individuals of color reaching out for support is growing, and conversations about the delays in seeking help are happening. Understanding that life's daily events come with triumphs and tribulations is important.

Having a few bad days doesn't make you depressed any more than having a few angry days makes you emotionally unstable. Feeling overwhelmed and anxious is normal and does not mean you have anxiety. What it does require is that you slow down, recognize the feelings and emotions you're experiencing, and understand why you may not have paid them the attention they deserve.

Steps to Improve Mental Health in Minority CommunitiesThe next step I recommend is to optimize. This means permitting yourself to do some work. If it involves reaching out to an organization like Council for Relationships to discuss what's happening in your environment, I highly encourage it. That's what we're here for.

Optimizing might also involve a trip to the bookstore to pick up fact-based materials that help you understand certain behaviors or thoughts, especially regarding the frequency of symptoms—an essential aspect of a professional diagnosis.

At the end of the day, no matter your background, backstory, or skin color, grace and compassion for oneself are fundamental. Only then can the journey for true acceptance and healing begin.

[caption id="attachment_74639" align="alignright" width="150"] Bianca Williams, MFT (pictured here)[/caption]

About Philadelphia Therapist Bianca Williams, MFTBianca Williams, MFT is a dedicated therapist at CFR. She is committed to helping clients achieve their goals and find their path to well-being. Her unique background, empathetic approach, and unwavering support make her an invaluable team member.

If you're in Pennsylvania and seeking therapy, consider contacting Bianca. Whether you prefer in-person sessions at our University City Philadelphia office or the convenience of online therapy, Bianca is here to support you on your journey.

Please visit her CFR profile for more information or to schedule an appointment with Bianca Williams. You can also request a therapy appointment with one of our 85 other therapists.

If this is an emergency, please call 911 or contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline by dialing 988.

More Mental Health Blogs from CFR Therapists & PsychiatristsCFR's therapists, psychiatrists, and other mental health professionals offer much more to explore! Check out the CFR Expert Voices blog for great mental and emotional health advice on managing your anxiety, spirituality in the therapy room, improving your relationships, tips for healing from a traumatic experience, and much more. To get first access to our Expert Voices blog, join our mailing list!

Check out these other blogs by CFR clinicians on mental health in minority communities:

https://councilforrelationships.org/celebrating-juneteenth-with-racial-equity-in-therapy_2024

https://councilforrelationships.org/closing-the-gap-perinatal-mental-health-services-in-north-philadelphia/

https://councilforrelationships.org/queerplatonic-relationships-questioning-romantic-hierarchy/

https://councilforrelationships.org/international-day-of-tolerance/

View Details

The mental health of older adults during high temperatures is a growing concern, especially as the summer heat intensifies. High temperatures can lead to severe health issues, impacting both physical and mental well-being. In this blog, Kent Matthies, a Staff Therapist at Council for Relationships and the Program Manager for CFR's new Older Adults Program (OAP), discusses the importance of checking in on older adults, particularly during extreme heat.

[caption id="attachment_96182" align="alignleft" width="400"] Request a therapy appointment with Kent Matthies today![/caption]

How High Temperatures Impact the Mental Health of Older Adults and Why Checking In Is ImportantThe summer heat has arrived, and it can be both challenging and hazardous, particularly for older adults. As temperatures rise, it becomes essential to reach out to the elders in your community. Call, text, email, or knock on their door and ask them how they are doing.

High temperatures can cause various health issues. Heat exhaustion can lead to headaches, cramps, nausea, and weakness. Heat stroke, a more severe condition, can cause confusion, seizures, or loss of consciousness.

Older adults are particularly vulnerable to the effects of heat. According to Stephen Dutchen in Harvard Medicine Magazine, “Studies show that it can be hard for even healthy older adults to tell when it’s too hot or if they’re dehydrated. Cognitive decline exacerbates these problems.”

How High Temperatures Affect the Mental Health of Older AdultsCognitive decline refers to the gradual loss of brain function, affecting memory, thinking, and reasoning skills. Common among older adults, this condition can make it more challenging for them to recognize and respond to heat-related health risks. Cognitive decline significantly impacts the mental health of older adults during high temperatures, making support crucial.

Statistics on Heat-Related Mental Health Impacts for Older AdultsWhen the temperature climbs, older bodies hold more heat than younger ones. Glands don’t release as much sweat, and the heart doesn’t circulate blood as efficiently, making it harder to release heat from vessels in the skin. Systems from the cardiovascular to the immune struggle to compensate. Statistics highlight the severity of this issue. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), older adults are more prone to heat-related illnesses, with those aged 65 and older accounting for 36% of heat-related deaths in the U.S. from 2004 to 2018.

Strategies to Support the Mental Health of Older Adults During Extreme HeatTherefore, do not hesitate. Contact your parent, aunt, or an elder in your church, synagogue, mosque, or neighborhood. Inquire directly, “How are you coping with the heat?”

If they seem open to talking, you can ask more specific questions such as, "Are you drinking enough water? Are you experiencing any heat-related symptoms like headaches? Are you able to sleep comfortably?” This conversation can address the mental health issues and physical challenges they might be facing as a result of extreme heat.

Practical Tips to Prevent Heat-Related Illnesses in Older AdultsIf your elderly person’s home is too hot and lacks air conditioning, they may need to go to a cooling center. Many counties can direct people to a nearby cooling center. For example, here is a link to Philadelphia’s cooling centers: Philadelphia’s Cooling Centers.

Remind your elders that without air conditioning, it can be critical to set up indoor fans and use cold washcloths, ice, or spray water on oneself to stay cool. Addressing these practical issues can help mitigate heat-related illnesses and improve the mental health of older adults during high temperatures.

The Importance of Checking In on Older Adults During High TemperaturesReaching out in this way can help break patterns of isolation for both the elder and yourself. Additionally, I encourage elders to reach out to one another. We create opportunities when we show compassion and check in on one another during weather crises like extreme heat. During the conversation, your elder might reveal that they are struggling with anxiety or depression. In that case, you might suggest that they could benefit from therapy. You can direct them to Council for Relationships, where we provide quality psychotherapy for individuals, couples, and families.

Stay Informed with the Older Adults ProgramBy the way, I want to take this opportunity to ask you: how are you doing with the heat? Register for our OAP newsletter today for more information on supporting the mental health of older adults during high temperatures and staying updated on our new Older Adults Program!

[caption id="attachment_73826" align="alignright" width="150"] CFR Staff Therapist Kent Matthies.[/caption]

About Therapist Kent Matthies, MFT, MDivKent Matthies, MFT, MDiv* (he/him/his) is a Staff Therapist at Council for Relationships who sees individuals, couples, and families in Bryn Mawr and Paoli, Pennsylvania, and online. Contact him to request an appointment. Kent is also the Program Manager of CFR's new Older Adults Program (OAP). Subscribe to the OAP Newsletter for updates on the program, including being the first to know when the program's webpage is launched!*

Are You Struggling with Your Mental Health?Are you or an older adult in your life struggling with mental health issues? Let CFR’s over 85 individual, couples, and family therapy experts help you reduce stress and reach your goals. See our Therapist & Psychiatrist Directory for CFR therapists or psychiatrists near you.

If this is an emergency, please call 911 or contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline by dialing 988.

More Mental Health Blogs for Older AdultsCFR’s therapists, psychiatrists, and other mental health professionals offer much more to explore! Check out the CFR Expert Voices blog for great mental and emotional health advice, insights, and resources for older adults. To get first access to our Expert Voices blog, join our mailing list!

https://councilforrelationships.org/caring-for-an-aging-parent-3-tips-to-keep-you-from-losing-yourself/

https://councilforrelationships.org/disenfranchised-grief

https://councilforrelationships.org/seasonal-affective-disorder-questions-answered/

https://councilforrelationships.org/daily-examen-benefits-examples-history/

https://councilforrelationships.org/one-two-three-time-a-time-prioritization-strategy-for-adults/

View Details

Welcome to Council for Relationships (CFR)'s monthly Featured Clinician blog, highlighting the dedicated professionals who provide exceptional therapy and psychiatry services to the Philadelphia region. This month, we are pleased to introduce Bianca Williams, MFT, a staff therapist in Philadelphia. Bianca brings a wealth of personal and professional experience to her practice. Let’s explore Bianca's background, approach to therapy, and how personal experiences have shaped her therapeutic approach.

[caption id="attachment_94502" align="alignleft" width="400"] Request a therapy appointment with Bianca.[/caption]

Background, Inspiration, & ApproachBianca Williams's journey began in Secane, Pennsylvania, where she was born and later moved to Philadelphia as a child. As the eldest of three siblings, Bianca naturally took on a leadership role in her family. She strived to be a role model for her younger siblings, emphasizing the importance of perseverance, humor, generosity, and self-advocacy.

When Bianca began her internship at CFR, she immediately felt a sense of belonging. "I chose to work at CFR because while interning there, I immediately felt that it was okay to be myself. No matter what was happening outside, there was always a warm and calm energy inside," she recalls. This welcoming and supportive environment solidified her decision to join CFR, where she could thrive and help others do the same.

One aspect that makes Bianca stand out is her love for foreign films. "In my youth, I never truly felt like I belonged, but I was always able to experience a sense of connectedness in the characters' stories and experiences," she shares. This connection to diverse stories has enriched her perspective and deepened her empathy. She brings this broadened perspective and enhanced empathy into her therapy sessions.

Bianca Williams Understands Starting Therapy Can be DauntingTherapy can help you and your relationships thrive. However, for many, starting therapy can be anxiety-provoking.

Many people resist starting therapy for various reasons, often due to misconceptions or fears about the process.

Some believe their problems aren't severe enough to warrant therapy, thinking it's only for extreme cases, but getting help early can prevent issues from worsening. Others feel they should handle their problems independently, not realizing that therapists have specialized training to help with emotional and psychological issues, much like doctors help with physical ailments. There's also a misconception that once therapy starts, it will never end. In reality, the duration of therapy varies and is decided collaboratively between the therapist and the client.

Privacy concerns are another barrier, as people worry they’ll have to reveal all their private thoughts. However, in therapy, you control what you share and at what pace, with therapists like Bianca working to ensure comfort. The fear of being judged also holds people back, but like other therapists, Bianca is trained to be non-judgmental and supportive, helping clients feel understood and accepted.

Additionally, there's a worry that therapy will obligate them to make uncomfortable changes. Therapy focuses more on exploring options and gaining new perspectives than forcing decisions.
The fear of discovering unsettling things about oneself can be intimidating, yet increased self-awareness often leads to greater control and satisfaction in life.

Lastly, having mixed feelings about starting therapy is normal and can indicate important issues that need addressing. Exploring these concerns can ultimately be beneficial in every aspect of your life.

It is not surprising that starting therapy can be daunting for many people. Bianca understands this well.

"A first session with me involves doing my absolute best to make my client feel as comfortable and safe as possible," she explains. Bianca aims to create a reassuring environment by recognizing the anxiety that often accompanies a first meeting. She prioritizes understanding her clients' goals and setting a collaborative tone for their therapeutic journey.

The Goal of Therapy[caption id="attachment_94504" align="alignright" width="400"] Bianca Williams sees therapy clients in person at CFR's University City office and online.[/caption]

For Bianca, the goal of therapy is fluid and individualized. "In my opinion, the goal of therapy is whatever the client needs it to be," she states. She believes starting with the most challenging event in a client's life is effective. This client-centered approach tailors therapy to address each person's specific needs and concerns.

Bianca's approach to therapy is empowering and expansive. "I firmly believe in allowing clients the space to consider all possibilities," she says. She helps clients explore various options and emphasizes that their choices should always be theirs. By guiding clients to prioritize their priorities, Bianca helps them navigate overwhelming feelings and find clarity.

Bianca offers encouraging words for those unsure about starting therapy: "My advice would be that nothing ventured is nothing gained, and that if anything, therapy might grant a sense of direction or even a confirmation of some kind." She emphasizes that seeking therapy can provide valuable insights and clarity, making it a worthwhile endeavor for anyone looking to improve their mental health.

What is a Marriage & Family Therapist?Bianca is a Marriage & Family Therapist (MFT). You might wonder what that title means. Here is a bit more about MFTs.

An MFT is a professional who helps people with their relationships and personal problems. Their work is crucial as they help people build and maintain healthy relationships, which are essential for a happy and fulfilling life. By supporting mental health and helping people manage their emotions, MFTs prevent more serious problems and contribute significantly to the well-being of individuals and families.

They work with couples who might have trouble in their relationship due to arguments, misunderstandings, or other conflicts. By helping the couple communicate better and find ways to resolve their issues, MFTs improve the quality of their relationship. Additionally, they provide family counseling to address problems that affect everyone, such as big changes, losses, or ongoing conflicts, helping family members better understand each other and strengthen their bonds.

MFTs like Bianca also offer individual support to those struggling with personal issues that impact their relationships, such as stress, anxiety, or depression. They assist individuals in coping with significant life changes like moving to a new place, starting a new school, or dealing with a loss. By teaching communication skills and problem-solving techniques and helping people understand their emotions, MFTs enable individuals and families to handle stress and improve their interactions.

[caption id="attachment_74639" align="alignleft" width="150"] Bianca Williams, MFT (pictured here)[/caption]

Conclusion - Bianca Williams Is Here for YouBianca Williams is a dedicated therapist at CFR. She is committed to helping clients achieve their goals and find their path to well-being. Her unique background, empathetic approach, and unwavering support make her an invaluable team member.

For more information or to schedule an appointment with Bianca Williams, MFT, please visit her CFR profile.

If this is an emergency, please call 911 or contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline by dialing 988.

More Mental Health Blogs from CFR Therapists & PsychiatristsCFR’s therapists, psychiatrists, and other mental health professionals offer much more to explore! Check out the CFR Expert Voices blog for great mental and emotional health advice on managing your anxiety, spirituality in the therapy room, improving your personal relationships, tips for healing from a traumatic experience, and much more. To get first access to our Expert Voices blog, join our mailing list!

https://councilforrelationships.org/disenfranchised-grief

https://councilforrelationships.org/navigating-self-care-in-the-age-of-social-media/

https://councilforrelationships.org/world-schizophrenia-day-myths-facts-personal-insights/

View Details

A December 2023 report by the Pew Research Center found that 70% of U.S. adults identify as spiritual in some way, with 22% being spiritual but not religious. For those who see themselves as spiritual, this part of their identity can affect how they deal with challenges, make decisions, maintain relationships, find satisfaction, and develop resilience. If you see yourself as spiritual or are curious about spirituality, you might want to include the daily examen meditation practice in your routine.

[caption id="attachment_94309" align="alignleft" width="400"] Request a therapy appointment today![/caption]

The Daily Examen: A Brief OverviewSt. Ignatius of Loyola, the founder of the Jesuits, developed the examen nearly five hundred years ago. Rooted in gratitude and love, the examen guides a person in reviewing their day. This review allows the person to look closer at the ebb and flow of their emotions and the significant moments.

This reflective prayer can help you notice when you experience something sacred in ordinary and special moments of your day. The examen may also help one identify ways to cultivate a greater sense of gratitude, hope, joy, love, and peace.

Over the past several decades, the examen has experienced a renaissance. Anyone can easily adapt and practice the examen, no matter their religion or spiritual beliefs, even though it started as a Christian prayer. For instance, Rabbi Laura Duhan-Kaplan described how she adapted the examen to fit her spirituality on her website. Spiritual seekers can adapt the examen for non-religious use, making it a truly inclusive practice.

The popularity of the examen continues to grow worldwide. Today, books, websites, and apps are available to introduce people to this spiritual exercise and guide their practice. Additionally, emerging research is studying the potential impact of the examen on enhancing emotional well-being.

Those who include the examen in their daily routine often find that it helps them become more aware of the sacred moments in their busy lives. Moreover, some people practice the examen to cultivate a sense of gratitude and potentially enhance their emotional well-being.

Benefits of Daily ExamenThe examen offers numerous benefits, including its simplicity and flexibility. You can practice it anywhere in just a few minutes, reflecting on daily life experiences and larger social issues. The five-step process promotes mindfulness and spiritual growth and is adaptable to individual beliefs.

The examen is not onerous.This meditation exercise takes just a few minutes to do. You can practice the examen anywhere and anytime, whether sitting at the kitchen table enjoying a morning coffee, commuting to or from work, or simply taking a walk, whenever you have a few minutes.

The examen focuses on what is happening in your life right here and now.Since the examen is based on thoughtful prayer, it always gives you something to be thankful for, learn, a mistake to grow from, and hope for. While the five steps of the examen usually follow the same structure, the focus and themes can be endless. You can also use the examen to think about social justice topics like anti-racism, diversity, and the environment.

The examen is not complicated.The daily examen comprises the following five movements, requiring you to focus on how each movement flows into the other:

Presence
Gratitude
Awareness
Forgiveness
Hope

PresenceThe examen starts by asking you to relax, focus, and recognize the presence of your kind and loving God. You can change the words of the examen to match what feels most comfortable and respectful for your spiritual beliefs.

GratitudeThe second step is gratitude. In this step, you reflect on your day and think about all the good and kind things that happened. This could be anything, big or small, that you're thankful for, like a co-worker's kindness, a meal with a family member or friend, a stranger's kindness, or the beauty of nature.

AwarenessThe third step of the examen is awareness. During this step, the person looks back over their day with their God and notices the ebb and flow of emotions that filled their day –those periods when they felt more fully alive, hopeful, joyful, loving, peaceful, and connected to the sacred (consolation) and other times during the day when they felt anxious, distressed or sad (feelings of desolation). The person also becomes aware of any meaningful moments that occurred.

ForgivenessThe fourth step of the examen is forgiveness. In this step, you reflect on your day and think about times when you weren't your best self. Maybe you didn't treat someone as well as you should have or missed a chance to show kindness. For these moments, you ask God for forgiveness.

HopeThe fifth step is hope. The person looks ahead at tomorrow and considers what gift or grace they need for the day ahead. The person asks their God for this gift.

Ways to Conclude Your ExamenSome people end their examen by showing reverence or taking a few deep breaths (similar to how some end their yoga practice by saying "Namaste"). However, finishing your examen with journaling lets you explore your experience more deeply.

JournalingSome people find it helpful to reflect on their experience of taking the examen. For example, they might journal two or three things they were grateful for as they reflected on their day. They might also jot down a few words or sentences that capture what came up for them while they made the examen – perhaps a feeling that was particularly strong, a moment or interaction that was meaningful, or an idea, thought, or image that came up during the examen.

[caption id="attachment_94308" align="alignright" width="400"] Infographic by Council for Relationships[/caption]

A Step-by-Step Example of a Full Daily ExamenThe daily examen is a five-step prayer practice that guides you through reflection on your day. Begin by centering yourself in God's presence, then express gratitude, become aware of your emotions, seek forgiveness, and set hopeful intentions for the future. Optionally, journaling can enhance this reflective process as you spend time reflecting on your exam journey.

Daily Examen Step 1. Presence (1 minute)Begin by centering yourself. Allow yourself to relax and to find stillness.

Take a few breaths. Focus on your breathing. Gently, call to mind that you are in the presence of your good and gracious God. Behold God, beholding you…and smiling as Rev. Anthony DeMello, SJ wrote.

Daily Examen Step 2. Gratitude (2 minutes)Look back over your day. Recall the gifts and kindnesses that you received. Allow these gifts, both big and small, to come to mind.

Maybe you’re thankful for a text message you received, the kindness of a coworker or even a stranger, the time you spent with friends, a meal with family, a walk outside, watching the colors of the sunrise or sunset. Spend a few moments savoring these gifts.

Daily Examen Step 3. Awareness (4 minutes)Now, ask your God to be with you as you look back over your day as if you were scrolling through pictures on your phone.

Start from the time you wake up. Ask yourself the following questions:

What was your morning like?
How did you feel?
Were there times when you felt peaceful, joyful, happy, or full of life?
Were there other times during the morning when you felt anxious, sad, stressed, or upset?

Next, look back on your afternoon in much the same way. Pay attention to your feelings. And do the same for the evening until you go to bed. As you look back on your day, do you notice anything that happened that was especially meaningful or important?

Finally, as you reflect on your day, did you notice the sacred – maybe in the stillness of nature, the busyness of your commute, family dinner, interactions at work, or any other time?

Daily Examine Step 4. Forgiveness (2 minutes)The 4th step in your daily examen is forgiveness. Ask yourself: How did you treat others today? How did you treat yourself today? If there was a time when you weren’t your best self or missed an opportunity to be compassionate and loving, ask for forgiveness.

Daily Examine Step 5. Hope (1 minute)Now, look at what is coming up in the day ahead. What is one gift or one grace that you need for tomorrow? Go ahead and ask your God for that now.

Finally, as you end your examen, you might say a brief prayer, signify reverence, or take a deep breath.

Daily Examine Step 6. Journaling (Optional step - 2-3 minutes)Some people find that journaling after practicing the examen is helpful. Perhaps you might like to spend a few minutes reflecting on your examen. Write down 2-3 specific things you were grateful for as well as any feelings, insights, or situations that came to mind while you made the examen.

More Resources on the Daily ExamenFor even more information on practicing a daily examen, check out the following books, podcasts, and apps:

Book: A Simple, Life-Changing Prayer: Discovering the Power of St. Ignatius Loyola's Examen by Jim Manney
Book: Learning to Pray: A Guide for Everyone by James Martin
Podcast: Young Adult Examen by Pray-As-You-Go.org
App: Reimagining the Examen by Loyola Press

[caption id="attachment_74340" align="alignleft" width="150"] L. Stewart Barbera Jr. (pictured here) is a CFR Staff Therapist[/caption]

About Philadelphia Therapist L. Stewart Barbera Jr.L. Stewart Barbera Jr., PsyD, MSW*, (he/him/his) is a Staff Therapist at Council for Relationships who sees individuals, couples, and families in Philadelphia and online. Contact him to request an appointment.*

Are You Struggling with Your Mental Health?Are you struggling with your mindfulness practice, experiencing anxiety, having hit a roadblock in your spiritual journey, or having other mental health issues? Let CFR’s over 85 individual, couples, and family therapy experts help you reduce stress and reach your goals. See our Therapist & Psychiatrist Directory for CFR therapists or psychiatrists near you.

If this is an emergency, please call 911 or contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline by dialing 988.

More Mental Health Blogs for Mindfulness Practices Similiar to a Daily ExamenCFR’s therapists, psychiatrists, and other mental health professionals offer much more to explore! Check out the CFR Expert Voices blog for great mental and emotional health advice on managing your anxiety, spirituality in the therapy room, improving your personal relationships, tips for healing from a traumatic experience, and much more. To get first access to our Expert Voices blog, join our mailing list!

https://councilforrelationships.org/the-daily-temperature-reading-a-skill-for-life-long-love/

https://councilforrelationships.org/power-of-connection-and-community/

https://councilforrelationships.org/lent-and-mental-health/

https://councilforrelationships.org/using-spirituality-to-improve-mental-health/

https://councilforrelationships.org/therapy-that-can-teach-you-forgiveness/

View Details

Amy Jones, a therapist at the Council for Relationships, first trained in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy (EMDR) in 2021. She quickly fell in love with EMDR therapy for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) due to its effectiveness in shifting traumatic memories for both herself and her clients. This blog outlines the signs of PTSD and provides insights on how EMDR therapy for PTSD can help individuals heal from traumatic experiences.

In this blog, you will learn about...

The symptoms of PTSD
The theory behind EMDR therapy for PTSD
How this therapeutic approach can help reprocess traumatic memories
How to access EMDR services at Council for Relationships

I first trained in EMDR in 2021 and fell in love with it while taking the basic training. I was amazed at how the process shifted my own traumatic memories and those of my clients, and it has since become one of the very valuable tools that I use as a therapist.

In this spirit, here are signs of PTSD that you can be aware of if you have experienced a traumatic event, along with more information on how EMDR therapy for PTSD can help.

What is EMDR Therapy for PTSD?EMDR is one of the models of therapy used to treat PTSD and other disorders that can result from experiencing trauma (for example, mood disorders such as depression and anxiety disorders) recently or anytime during your life, even including an infant or young child.

The theory behind EMDR therapy for PTSD states that a traumatic event or ongoing traumatic experiences overwhelm the brain and body, causing symptoms of PTSD and other disorders. When trauma overwhelms the brain, it cannot process these events like everyday occurrences, isolating and blocking memories from adaptive networks in the brain. This means that the brain and body experience the present day as if the past traumatic event is still happening, constantly trying to respond to and process these unresolved experiences.

The symptoms of PTSD are signs of the brain and body's attempts to respond to these events, but they often become stuck, leading to overwhelming responses.

Individuals with PTSD might experience mental flashbacks to the traumatic events, anxiety about the future, and nightmares related to the trauma. They may shut down or feel disconnected from their bodies, have trouble with memory and sleeping, and exhibit heightened alertness, being on edge, jumpy, or restless. Intrusive thoughts can plague them, often coupled with feelings of powerlessness, helplessness, worthlessness, defectiveness, brokenness, or being overly responsible.

Everyday tasks can become challenging, with simple activities feeling insurmountable—such as forgetting things frequently or having difficulty deciding what to wear or cook. They may also have overly intense emotional reactions or outbursts, particularly when reminded of the past traumatic event by something in the present.

EMDR therapy for PTSD employs the support of a trained, nonjudgmental therapist to help individuals focus on the most distressing part of a traumatic memory or experience. The therapist uses various types of Bilateral Stimulation (BLS) to help the brain and body desensitize these memories so they are no longer overwhelming and to reprocess them so they can connect with the brain's adaptive networks.

BLS methods may include guiding the individual to follow the therapist's fingers moving back and forth, mimicking the Rapid Eye Movement (REM) phase of sleep, tapping their knees alternately, or using the butterfly hug technique where the individual crosses their hands over their chest and taps each side under the clavicles alternately. These techniques help to get the memories "unstuck" and integrated with the brain’s adaptive information processing system, promoting healing and reducing the symptoms of PTSD.

[caption id="attachment_94275" align="alignright" width="400"] Infographic by Council for Relationships[/caption]

EMDR & Memory ChallengesAfter undergoing EMDR therapy for PTSD and successfully desensitizing and reprocessing traumatic memories, you may experience several significant changes. One of the primary changes is not feeling any distressing emotions or sensations in your body when thinking about the traumatic memory. The memory itself may feel more distant and less vivid, losing its power to cause emotional upheaval.

Another notable change is the shift in your self-beliefs. You might start to believe more adaptive and positive thoughts about yourself. For instance, you may think, "It's over; I am safe now," or "I can choose who to trust." Other empowering beliefs might include, "I can be myself, and I can make mistakes," "I am okay the way I am," and "I can handle it; I am capable."

You might also find yourself thinking, "I can trust myself and my judgment," "I did the best I could," "I deserve to live and be happy," and "I now have choices." These thoughts reflect a healthier, more positive self-image and a greater sense of control over your life and choices.

Additionally, you may respond to present-day situations less intensely than past traumas, enabling you to react to current circumstances more evenly instead of being influenced by past traumatic events. Consequently, you may no longer experience nightmares or flashbacks about the traumatic event, and future anxiety related to the trauma may diminish significantly.

Accessing EMDR Therapy for PTSD at Council for RelationshipsMany therapists at Council for Relationships (CFR) have trained and/or certified in EMDR therapy for PTSD. Recently, I was part of a group of EMDR CFR therapists, including Dr. Sara Corse, Florda Priftanji, Kimberly Holt, and Tessa Peoples Kinsey, who took advanced EMDR training with the non-profit organization Scaling Up.

This training added specialized tools to their EMDR toolbox to help both individuals and groups who have had recent or ongoing traumatic experiences. These therapists aim to assist individuals, community groups, and workplaces that have experienced traumatic events—such as shootings, sudden deaths of co-workers, community members, or clients, natural disasters, or other traumatic incidents—to desensitize overwhelming mental and physical responses to these events and prevent the onset of PTSD.

The training also covered specialized procedures to address ongoing traumatic experiences. Ongoing traumatic experiences are those where the trauma is continuous, and there is no safe period away from the trauma. Examples of ongoing traumatic experiences include personal and family violence and abuse, war, racism, poverty, high-conflict divorce and co-parenting situations, and community violence.

Other examples include natural disasters like floods, tornados, hurricanes, and earthquakes and their aftermath; chronic pain and medical treatment; caregiving for and loss of family members with health conditions such as cancer and bullying; and the chronic stress experienced by first responders, military personnel on active duty, and healthcare workers.

If you are interested in discussing therapy for PTSD or related disorders, please reach out to CFR's Client Care department or therapists trained in EMDR therapy for PTSD or other trauma treatment models listed in our therapist directory.

For those interested in PTSD interventions for groups connected to a recent traumatic event, please contact Dr. Sara Corse or Amy Jones about our Community Trauma Response (CTR) program and subscribe to our CTR newsletter.

[caption id="attachment_73461" align="alignleft" width="150"] Request a therapy appointment with Amy Jones.[/caption]

About Philadelphia Therapist Amy JonesAmy Jones, MSW, MFT, LCSW* (she/her/hers), is a Staff Therapist at the Council for Relationships who sees individuals, couples, and families in Philadelphia, Paoli, PA, and online. Contact her to request an appointment.*

Are You Struggling with PTSD? CFR Can Help.Are you struggling with PTSD, anxiety disorder, or other mental health issues? Let CFR’s over 85 individual, couples, and family therapy experts help you (including our EMDR therapists). See our Therapist & Psychiatrist Directory for CFR therapists or psychiatrists near you.

If this is an emergency, please call 911 or contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline by dialing 988.

More Mental Health Blogs for EMDR & PTSDCFR’s therapists, psychiatrists, and other mental health professionals offer much more to explore! Check out the CFR Expert Voices blog for great mental and emotional health advice on managing trauma recovery and PTSD symptoms, EMDR therapy for PTSD, improving your relationships with family members, tips for healing from a traumatic experience, and much more. To get first access to our Expert Voices blog, join our mailing list!

https://councilforrelationships.org/ptsd-awareness-and-emerging-ideas-on-trauma

https://councilforrelationships.org/neurodivergent-meaning-comorbidities/

https://councilforrelationships.org/helping-our-brains-heal-with-emdr/

https://councilforrelationships.org/ptsd-awareness-and-emerging-ideas-on-trauma/

View Details

As we mark the 15th Annual PTSD Awareness Day, it's essential to reflect on the evolving understanding of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and its impact on diverse communities. In this insightful blog, CFR Staff Therapist Andy Phạm, MFT, delves into the emerging ideas of trauma and the significance of precision in PTSD diagnosis.

With a focus on PTSD treatment and the broader scope of mental health awareness, Phạm explores how healing trauma requires a socioculturally attuned approach that considers the unique experiences of historically marginalized communities.

[caption id="attachment_93328" align="alignleft" width="400"] Request a therapy appointment today.[/caption]

The Importance of Precision in PTSD DiagnosisI learned the value of precision from a literature course I took by Professor Kevin Quashie, author of The Sovereignty of Quiet: Beyond Resistance in Black Culture. I wish I could eloquently paraphrase the beautiful, heart-wrenching ways that he uplifted precision and precise writing in our classes. Instead, what I can do is demonstrate how this event series, this semester-long course, has influenced my thinking.

PTSD Awareness and the Role of PrecisionAs I reflect on post-traumatic stress disorder for the 15th Annual PTSD Awareness Day, I find myself thinking about diagnosis through Professor Quashie’s lens of precision. The usefulness of diagnostic categories as a general genre comes from their ability to name a precise cluster of symptoms. Difficulty concentrating and trouble sleeping are symptoms that fall within the criteria of several DSM diagnoses.

Only when these difficulties are in relationship with other expressions, like heightened sensitivity to possible danger or intense self-protective avoidance strategies, may we begin to consider PTSD as a possible diagnosis. Diagnosing and quickly referencing a precise cluster of symptoms may be useful for conducting personal research, describing a lived experience, or connecting with online communities.

Historical Context of PTSD DiagnosisPTSD became an official DSM diagnosis in 1980 following the inclusion advocacy of researchers who believed that dominant ideas of trauma were imprecise. Before the mental health field supported trauma studies, the prevailing question of mental health treatment was, “What is wrong with you?”

PTSD Awareness and Shifts in Diagnostic ApproachesMany populations of people, like Jewish survivors of the Holocaust and war veterans, found this capitalist question lacking and harmful. PTSD inclusion advocacy, trauma studies, and PTSD’s addition to the 3rd edition of the DSM all contributed to mainstream shifts away from “What is wrong with you?” and shifts toward “What happened to you?”

As a guiding, cognition-organizing question, “What happened to you?” created far more avenues for compassion towards and greater understanding of post-trauma suffering within mainstream society.

The Need for Precision in Modern Trauma TherapyThe established ideas of PTSD emerged as a response to the community's need for more precision in understanding trauma and suffering. In 2024, 44 years after the first DSM inclusion of PTSD, there is, again, a community need for more precision in understanding trauma and suffering.

[caption id="attachment_93332" align="alignright" width="410"] Learn more and purchase Dr. Mullen's book here.[/caption]

Modern PTSD Awareness and the Call for PrecisionIn her new book, Decolonizing Therapy: Oppression, Historical Trauma & Politicizing Your Practice, Dr. Jennifer Mullan highlights the politics of the DSM as a significant consideration of its strengths and shortcomings. Through her writing, Dr. Mullan provides compelling evidence for the ways that racism and other systems of oppression foster imprecise analyses of power within dominant culture’s discourses.

As Dr. Mullan and the realms of health equity, medical racism, medical apartheid, social determinants of health, healing justice, and science, technology, and society studies have all demonstrated, we must constantly reckon with the incredible impacts that systemic oppression has on our collective health, healing, and well-being. When we ignore this call, we miss all the precise ways that an unchecked, unchallenged devotion to the DSM might cause harm and further trauma.

Dr. Mullan describes this further in her book: "Sure, having a tidy, neat guide supposedly makes things 'easier,' but for whom?"

Balancing Speed and Precision in PTSD AwarenessA cognitive framework like the DSM and PTSD diagnosis naturally has limitations in its usefulness and applicability. Scholars of boundaries have highlighted how assertiveness, clarity, and flexibility are common hallmarks of secure boundaries. Ignoring a framework’s natural limitations may foster an inflexible, rigid way of thinking, creating an obstacle to precise understanding.

In many cases, we may be privileging speed over precise understanding. We may also be, imprecisely, presupposing that speediness and precision are mutually exclusive when there is often overlap. How often do we hear stories about misdiagnosis in systematically targeted communities, which causes prolongation of suffering? Even if speediness and precision are occasionally mutually exclusive, I wonder if we are certain that we want to be convenience-oriented in categorizing human beings.

Culturally Sensitive Approaches to PTSDDr. Samah Jabr, chair of the mental health unit at the Palestinian Ministry of Health, is one clinician who challenges the presumption that American institutions and diagnoses should hold global authority on mental health.

Specifically, Dr. Jabr highlights that mental health researchers and practitioners commonly utilize PTSD diagnostic criteria without intentionally assessing whether these criteria are clinically effective or socioculturally attuned for communities experiencing ongoing apartheid.

Global Perspectives on PTSD AwarenessIn her 2019 article, Dr. Jabr additionally describes how PTSD is a Western concept that rests on the following two notions:

A pre-traumatic baseline exists.
Post-traumatic environments are easily available.

Zamzam Dini, a Marriage and Family Therapy doctoral candidate in the Minority Fellowship Program, also presented research findings on how PTSD failed to capture the experiences of refugee families precisely. Dini discovered the need for new, emerging trauma models to understand the impacts of migration trauma within refugee families over generations.

What is "post-traumatic" for communities of people subjected to established denialism of the systemic murders committed against them? What is a "pre-traumatic baseline" for people that fall outside the typical identities of participants researched to establish this baseline in the first place (white, cisgender, heterosexual, middle-class identities)?

Proposing New Questions for PTSD AwarenessThis PTSD Awareness Day, I propose that we develop better, precise questions instead of chasing after convenient, speedy answers. I believe the innate dangers of the DSM and cultural imperialism become actualized threats as a result of the important, precise questions we forget, refuse, or fail to ask.

How have various communities had their ancestral trauma wisdom ignored, co-opted, commodified, or disregarded? Where might there be emerging liberation-oriented models for healing? What might the emerging futures of justice-oriented trauma frameworks need from us in this sociopolitical moment?

[caption id="attachment_77059" align="alignleft" width="150"] Andy Phạm, CFR Staff Therapist[/caption]

About Philadelphia Therapist Andy Phạm, MFTAndy Phạm, MFT* (they/them), is a Staff Therapist at the Council for Relationships who sees individuals, couples, and families in Philadelphia and online. Contact them to request an appointment.*

Are You Struggling with PTSD? CFR Can HelpAre you struggling with PTSD, anxiety disorder, or other mental health issues? Let CFR’s over 85 individual, couples, and family therapy experts help you -----. See our Therapist & Psychiatrist Directory for CFR therapists or psychiatrists near you.

If this is an emergency, please call 911 or contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline by dialing 988.

More Mental Health Blogs for PTSD AwarenessCFR’s therapists, psychiatrists, and other mental health professionals offer much more to explore! Check out the CFR Expert Voices blog for great mental and emotional health advice on managing trauma recovery and PTSD symptoms, improving your relationships with family members, tips for healing from a traumatic experience, and much more. To get first access to our Expert Voices blog, join our mailing list!

https://councilforrelationships.org/neurodivergent-meaning-comorbidities/

https://councilforrelationships.org/domestic-violence-awareness-month-2023/

https://councilforrelationships.org/taking-care-of-yourself-or-a-loved-one-after-a-breast-cancer-diagnosis/

https://councilforrelationships.org/world-schizophrenia-day-myths-facts-personal-insights/

View Details

This blog post, authored by Kimberly Mann, CFR’s DEIB Manager, highlights the significance of Juneteenth and the crucial need for racial equity in therapy. Juneteenth, now a national holiday, commemorates the emancipation of enslaved African Americans and serves as a reminder of the ongoing struggle for racial justice.

[caption id="attachment_92901" align="alignleft" width="400"] Request a therapy appointment today.[/caption]

The Importance of Juneteenth in Promoting Racial Equity in TherapyIt is essential to recognize and celebrate the contributions of Black individuals, many of whom have been historically overlooked. In particular, Black individuals have made and continue to make indelible contributions to mental health and psychology, including pioneers and leaders such as Dr. E. Kitch Childs and Dr. Jennifer Eberhardt.

Dr. E. Kitch Childs was a pioneering psychologist and activist who significantly contributed to psychology, particularly feminism and LGBTQ+ rights. She was one of the founding members of the Association for Women in Psychology and played a key role in the early feminist therapy movement. Dr. Childs advocated for the mental health needs of marginalized communities, emphasizing the importance of culturally competent care and intersectional approaches to therapy. Her work helped pave the way for more inclusive and equitable mental health services.

Dr. Jennifer Eberhardt is a renowned social psychologist and professor at Stanford University. She specializes in studying implicit bias and its impact on racial disparities. Her groundbreaking research explores the psychological associations between race and crime, providing critical insights into how unconscious biases affect perceptions and behaviors. Her work has profound implications for law enforcement practices and policies, aiming to reduce racial disparities in the criminal justice system.

Addressing Racial Disparities in Mental Health ServicesAs we strive for a more equitable society, it is vital to address racial disparities in all areas, including mental health services. Council for Relationships promotes racial equity in therapy, ensuring everyone can access culturally competent care. Because culturally competent care is the best mental health care.

Personal Reflections on Juneteenth and EducationAs I consider Juneteenth, I am grateful for our advancements in recognizing this day as a national holiday. However, this thought also gives me pause and concern as I recall my early elementary, middle, and high school years when the significance of June 19th was overlooked.

Juneteenth was not taught in school; it was never even mentioned. Imagine that!

Honoring the Unsung Heroes of the Black RaceIn the spirit of those things unmentioned, I contend that as a way to observe Juneteenth, we should acknowledge the many members of the Black race who have been unrecognized, unacknowledged, and dismissed, particularly those who contributed to the birth and success of this great nation.

Just as June 19th was not acknowledged, several Black inventors and contributors to various initiatives, inventions, processes, and advancements were never provided the acknowledgment and gratitude they earned and still deserve. Because these individuals were Black, their names could not be mentioned in documents, nor could they attend meetings or presentations of new products and services.

These individuals are the unsung heroes of the Black race who had to sit with the quiet, private knowledge that their contribution made a difference to the world. Knowing this had to be enough for them because there was no other choice.

For those who have knowledge, power, and privilege in this world, please take a moment to recognize someone in your life from a marginalized community. Acknowledge, champion, and support whatever contribution they have made to your life, however great or small.

Let’s never again allow the record to be void of events that matter in our history.

Celebrating Juneteenth by Honoring Black Female PioneersI celebrate Juneteenth by acknowledging the ladies who contributed to the space program. Many of us learned about them for the first time through the book or movie "Hidden Figures." Their names are Katherine Johnson, Dorothy Vaughan, and Mary Jackson. They were well-rounded and brilliant astrophysicists whose intellect, work ethic, analytical skills, and tenacity contributed to getting mankind into orbit.

Katherine Johnson was a mathematician whose calculations of orbital mechanics were critical to the success of the first U.S. manned spaceflights. Her work helped ensure the safety and success of numerous missions.

Dorothy Vaughn was a trailblazing mathematician and human-computer who became NASA’s first African American supervisor. She was an expert in FORTRAN, an early programming language, and was crucial in the transition to computer programming.

Mary Jackson was NASA’s first Black female engineer. She overcame significant barriers to advance in her career and contributed to developing wind tunnels and flight data, enhancing our understanding of aerodynamics.

Imagine that!

[caption id="attachment_92904" align="alignright" width="135"] Kimberly Mann, SHRM-SCP is DEIB Manager at CFR.[/caption]

About the AuthorKimberly Mann, SHRM-SCP (she/her/hers) is the DEIB Manager at the Council for Relationships. With a passion for fostering diversity, equity, inclusion, and belonging, Kimberly leads initiatives to create a more inclusive environment within CFR and the broader community. She brings extensive experience in human resources and organizational development, focusing on empowering marginalized communities.

Support CFR’s Mission to Advance Racial Equity in TherapySupport CFR’s mission to advance racial equity in therapy by donating today. To request an appointment with one of CFR’s 85 therapists, specializing in individual, couples, family, and sex therapy, please visit our Therapy & Psychiatrist Directory.

If this is an emergency, please call 911 or contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline by dialing 988.

More Resources for Mental and Emotional HealthCFR’s therapists, psychiatrists, and other mental health professionals offer much more to explore! Check out the CFR Expert Voices blog for great mental and emotional health advice on managing negative emotions, improving interpersonal relationships, building healthy relationships with family members, and so much more.

To get first access to our Expert Voices blog, join our mailing list!

https://councilforrelationships.org/womens-mental-health-disparities-2023/

https://councilforrelationships.org/council-for-relationships-stands-for-racial-justice/

https://councilforrelationships.org/black-joy/

https://councilforrelationships.org/racial-trauma-mind-body-connection-treatment-recovery-wellness/

View Details

I once heard humans described as “exquisitely social” creatures. We have a remarkable ability to pay close attention to the people around us. While engaging in conversation, another part of our brain manages how others see us, ensuring we are acceptable in their eyes. Social connection plays a crucial role in this dynamic.

[caption id="attachment_92474" align="alignleft" width="400"] Accepting new therapy & psychiatry appointments.[/caption]

The Role of Social Connection in Human BehaviorOur ancestors relied on fellow group members for mutual aid required for survival and reproduction. To be positively valued by fellow group members meant higher levels of assistance, whereas to be an outcast from the group meant a literal threat to life.

Unsurprisingly, our brains sometimes process perceived social inadequacies as a threat to our existence. For some of us, this manifests through the burn of shame and self-criticism. Because social connection is so important to us, shame can be a form of grief as we experience the loss of potential attachment. In the moment, though, shame does not feel like grief. It feels like self-hatred. It can hurt so badly that we try to avoid it at all costs.

Despite the emotional suffering that shame can cause, it is not inherently bad. Shame can foster or sever social connections depending on how we use it.

Differentiating Between Shame and Guilt in Social ConnectionsWhen defining shame, it can be helpful to compare it to guilt. If there is a perceived error in a social setting, guilt will tell you, “I did a bad thing.” Shame, however, will tell you, “I am bad.” If you are experiencing guilt, it can be easy to use the feeling to address the mistake, learn a lesson, and make amends. However, if you believe some inherent flaw within yourself caused the mistake, that’s much harder to “fix.”

Behavioral Responses to Shame in Social InteractionsBecause shame feels so hard to fix, people will instead build a protective layer around it. They will engage in behaviors that keep others from seeing their flawed self. This can manifest in different ways. Some people will use “people-pleasing” as a way to appease others and keep things harmonious. Other people will use achievement and winning as a way to attain status that is admirable to others. Internally, many people try to protect their shame by ruminating on their bad qualities, over-focusing on themselves during social interactions, or completely withdrawing from others.

These behaviors are all there in an effort to protect you from feeling shame in social settings. Unfortunately, sometimes they can have the opposite effect – they reinforce the shame by causing you to be less present and authentic with the people around you. Ironically, the shame itself does not cause problems, but how you try to protect yourself against it does. As with many therapeutic interventions, the path toward healing is to pierce through the protective layer and address the shame directly. Here are a few methods to help you get there.

The Path to Healing: Removing Judgment from Shame in Social ConnectionsYour first step is to remove judgment from the shame. If we don’t see shame as “bad,” there will be less need to hide it from others. In fact, evidence shows that shame can be quite functional in social settings. For example, if there is conflict in a relationship, the injured party is more willing to forgive when the perpetrator expresses shame rather than guilt, as it shows “true sorriness.”

Because the sincerity involved in expressing shame not only facilitates forgiveness but also builds trust. This goes beyond merely apologizing for social transgressions—there is humility wrapped up in the general expression of shame that others find approachable, trustworthy, and relatable. Try to consider these perspectives on shame as a means for social connection rather than something to be ashamed of.

Practicing Vulnerability and Building Trust in Social ConnectionsTo practice being more open with your shame, pick a safe relationship. Therapy is an excellent place to do this. Many of us experience shame with our therapists just as with any other relationship. Pay attention to where it comes up for you.

For example, do you sometimes feel judged by your therapist? Do you try to please your therapist or impress them in some way? Do you hide or minimize certain parts of yourself? Do you leave your sessions feeling critical of yourself or your therapist? Be open about these things with your therapist as much as possible.

Being more communicative about these types of vulnerabilities creates the space for clarity, empathy, and mutual understanding that can be applied to outside relationships.

You must have the courage to risk admitting your shame to others. Of course, your shame convinces you that the “bad” parts of yourself are unlovable and, therefore, you will be shunned if you expose them to others. In some cases, this might be true. In others, you might be accepted and loved even with the “bad” parts of yourself. To take that risk means to open yourself up to the possibility of attaining social connection in its deepest form – unconditional love.

The Role of Self-Compassion and Common Humanity in Social ConnectionsIt is important to address shame in our relationships with others, but it is also important to remedy one’s own relationship towards their shame. We must take that unconditional love we desire from others and turn it inwards. If unconditional love feels unrealistic, aim toward neutrality, acceptance, or compassion.

Try noting the self-critical messages your shame tells you and reading them out loud to a loved one. When you read them out loud, what do you feel? Do you feel sadness, empathy, compassion? Don’t forget that when your self-critic tells you you’re not good enough, another part of you has to hear that. Can you access some empathy for that part of you?

One component of Kristen Neff’s theory on self-compassion is that of “common humanity,” which posits that we all suffer from feelings of inadequacy. All of us experience our own versions of shame. Which is to say: you are not alone. To be more open with and compassionate towards your shame is to give yourself and others permission to be flawed with each other.

[caption id="attachment_59008" align="alignleft" width="150"] CFR Staff Therapist Sonja Spangler, LSW[/caption]

About Philadelphia Therapist Sonja Spangler, LSWSonja Spangler, LSW, is a Staff Therapist at the Council for Relationships who sees individuals, couples, and families in Philadelphia, Paoli, PA, and online. Contact her to book an appointment.

Are you struggling with feeling guilty? Let CFR’s over 85 individual, couples, and family therapy experts help you build social connections, navigate shame, and embrace being yourself in group settings. See our Therapist & Psychiatrist Directory for CFR therapists or psychiatrists near you.

If this is an emergency, please call 911 or contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline by dialing 988.

More Mental Health Blogs from CFRCFR’s therapists, psychiatrists, and other mental health professionals offer much more to explore! Check out the CFR Expert Voices blog for great mental and emotional health advice on managing negative emotions, improving interpersonal relationships, building healthy relationships with family members, and so much more. To get first access to our Expert Voices blog, join our mailing list!

https://councilforrelationships.org/power-of-connection-and-community/

https://councilforrelationships.org/how-to-let-go-of-guilt/

https://councilforrelationships.org/the-suit-of-shame-how-did-i-put-it-on/

https://councilforrelationships.org/racial-trauma-mind-body-connection-treatment-recovery-wellness/

View Details

Understanding children's mental health is crucial for early intervention. This blog highlights the importance of child therapy, signs of mental health issues, and how to support a child. Promoting mental health awareness for children and informed parenting and child mental health can make a significant difference in their well-being.

Why Early Intervention MattersMental health awareness is essential to me, not only as a clinician but also as someone who experienced mental health challenges as a child. This is why I know it is crucial to get children the help they need at a young age when signs show that they are struggling. According to the data from the C.D.C., one in six children between the ages of two and eight has a mental or behavioral disorder, and anxiety and depression in children increased from 5.4% to 8.4% in the last 10 years.

Parents or guardians must be listening and aware of what is happening with their children at all times. Just like if a child complained about a stomach ache for a week, the parent would most likely take their child to the pediatrician's office to get it checked out. It is also important that parents who are together or co-parenting are on the same page about getting their children the help they need. Suppose one parent isn’t in support of their child going to therapy. In that case, this can impact the child and possibly increase their anxiety or increase feelings of hesitation to want to start therapy.

Recognizing Signs of Mental Health Issues in ChildrenSuppose a child is reporting or showing signs of increased anger, sadness, outbursts, lack of desire to participate in things they once enjoyed, or showing physical symptoms such as throwing up, headaches, or crying more than usual. In that case, it is also important that parents take their children to get the help they need for their mental health. Mental health and physical health go hand in hand. It is also important to note that not all signs and symptoms will be the same for every child; they vary.

Supporting Your Child Through Mental Health ChallengesSuppose there are changes in the household, such as a separation or divorce, a parent having a new partner, a new child coming into the house, or any change that feels like a shift in the system. In that instance, it is important to address it with your child and ensure they are getting the support they need.

[caption id="attachment_91247" align="alignright" width="400"] Infographic by Council for Relationships[/caption]

The Importance of Early Intervention and TherapyIt is also important that parents get the support they need as well, as it is difficult to witness your child experiencing these uncomfortable symptoms. It can take a toll on parent’s mental health as well, so I highly encourage finding a support system that supports the parents as well as the children. The children will tend to look toward the parents for support, so the parent/parents must be taking care of their own mental health as well so they can best support themselves and their child.

There are things we can do today to promote mental health care and continue to try to de-stigmatize going to therapy. Putting a child in therapy who is struggling provides them with coping skills, as well as tools they can use to handle their emotions more constructively. Learning how to be in control of your emotions can take years for us to learn, starting early can have many benefits.

Resources for Children's Therapy ServicesAnother way we can honor this important day is to let children who have already been diagnosed or who have been struggling with mental health issues know that you are there for them and let them know that they are not alone. Letting children know you are there for them when they need it can offer comfort and security.

Supporting children daily can improve mental health care overall and create awareness for the individuals who need support.

Mental Health for Kids: Why Awareness MattersMental health awareness for children is essential, as early intervention can make a significant difference. Recognizing the signs and understanding the importance of child therapy can help parents take the necessary steps to support their kids.

How to Support a Child with Mental Health IssuesParents play a crucial role in supporting their young people's mental health. By staying informed about parenting and child mental health, they can provide the necessary environment for their children to thrive. Ensuring that both the child's and the parent's mental health needs are met creates a supportive framework for everyone involved.

[caption id="attachment_74100" align="alignleft" width="150"] Therapist Meghan Rydzewski, MFT[/caption]

About Philadelphia Therapist Meghan Rydzewski, MFTMeghan Rydzewski, MFT, is a Staff Therapist at the Council for Relationships who sees individuals, couples, and families in Philadelphia, Voorhees, NJ, and online. She is dedicated to improving mental health for kids and understands the importance of child therapy. Meghan specializes in how to support a child with mental health issues, ensuring comprehensive care for mental health awareness for children. Request an appointment with her today.

Let CFR’s over 85 individual, couples, and family therapy experts help you deal with painful emotions and other mental health conditions. Meghan and her colleagues are well-versed in parenting and child mental health, providing the best care for families in need. See our Therapist & Psychiatrist Directory for CFR therapists or psychiatrists near you.

If this is an emergency, please call 911 or contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline by dialing 988.

More Mental Health Blogs from CFRCFR’s therapists, psychiatrists, and other mental health professionals offer much more to explore! Check out the CFR Expert Voices blog for great mental and emotional health advice on topics such as social skills, helping young people thrive in the age of social media, common mental health problems, and navigating complex relationships with family members. To get first access to our Expert Voices blog, join our mailing list!

https://councilforrelationships.org/recognize-anxiety-in-your-children/

https://councilforrelationships.org/the-case-for-supporting-mental-health-nonprofits/

https://councilforrelationships.org/i-dont-see-color-white-caregivers-raising-bipoc-children/

View Details

In "Dealing with Painful Emotions," CFR Staff Therapist Sonja Spangler, LSW, explores the inevitability of emotional pain and offers practical strategies for managing it. Through mindfulness, cognitive reframes, and self-awareness, you can learn to navigate your feelings with compassion, transforming suffering into opportunities for growth and healing.

[caption id="attachment_91079" align="alignleft" width="400"] Request a therapy appointment today.[/caption]

New Perspectives on Painful EmotionsThe Buddhists say, “Life is suffering.” I remember when I first learned this, I felt strangely validated: life is supposed to be hard. I had fallen into the trap where I believed that to experience unhappiness was to assume I was an unhappy person. To hear that “life is suffering” felt like a refreshing truth to counter the phoniness of social media accounts which convince you that a permanent state of happiness is accessible.

With this new perspective on dealing with painful emotions, I was allowed to experience pain and unhappiness. It made me open up to those feelings with greater acceptance rather than seeing them as evidence of my failures. It made me more present with my emotions without feeling like I had to “fix” them. Developing self-awareness and emotional health can help in navigating these feelings effectively.

We must accept that painful feelings are inevitable, but how we relate to those feelings is within our control. The key to this process is to simply be willing to experience painful emotions first. The second is to not judge them as “bad.” I recognize that these are easier said than done, so here are some ideas to help you get there.

Mindfulness and Emotions: Staying GroundedThe first is a practice of mindfulness and emotions: stay grounded in the current context of your emotions and keep the feeling in the moment. Beware of making broad generalizations based on your current state of mind.

You can achieve this by making simple cognitive reframes. Some examples of this might be: “I feel like I messed up that social interaction” versus “I am socially inept.” Or “I feel hurt by this person’s actions” versus “People are always out to get me.” The latter statements might be stories or insecurities that you carry with you from the past. Those are valid and worth caring for.

If you focus on your insecurities, you can use your self-awareness to remove the judgment and say, “This is one of those days when I’m not feeling good enough.” The point is to honor your feelings while framing them as temporary states. You can have a day where you are not feeling good enough while also knowing that you will be able to access your confidence again.

Managing Anxiety and Emotions: Listening to Painful EmotionsMaybe you are experiencing painful emotions related to a broader problem in your life that you believe needs fixing. Perhaps you’re feeling dissatisfied in your relationship or like your anxiety is starting to significantly impact your well-being. Your painful emotions are pointing you towards parts of your life where you’d like to grow or improve.

Managing anxiety and emotions is crucial for your overall well-being. Painful emotions serve a function, and that is one of them. Listen to those messages rather than despairing over them. Take note of the problem and revisit it when you feel more grounded and able to access problem-solving skills. Don’t try to solve the problem while you’re experiencing emotional pain.

Like a mentor of mine once said, “You’re not going to plan tomorrow’s dinner when you’re feeling sick to your stomach.” Just like you would if you were sick, focus on taking care of yourself during moments of emotional pain rather than trying to “fix” the problem.

[caption id="attachment_91078" align="alignright" width="400"] Infographic by Council for Relationships. Click here to learn more.[/caption]

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: Understanding PainPain is evidence of problems in our lives; sometimes, it is evidence of good things. One well-known line in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) says, “We hurt where we care.”

If that doesn’t resonate, we can always return to 8th-grade physics class with Newton’s Third Law: “Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.”

Let’s take grief as an example: the depth of the pain you feel having lost someone is equal and opposite to the depth with which you loved them. If you take away your grief, you would also necessarily be taking away the depth of your love. Therefore, can you be willing to experience the pain of grief even though it hurts? Understanding this is key to grief and emotional pain management.

Cognitive Reframes: Navigating Fear and InsecuritySo often, I hear clients describe a “tug-of-war” between something they want versus the fear involved in getting there: “Apply for the job” versus “You’re never going to get it.” They try to fight the pain of fear and insecurity, but it’s always there, tugging at the rope's end. Sometimes, the fear of rejection feels so scary that it wins the tug-of-war and convinces us not to act.

I always invite my clients to put the rope down and let the two sides work together – it’s much less exhausting. Experience the fear of rejection simultaneously as you apply for the job. Being willing to experience fear means opening yourself up to taking risks and growing.

Compassionate Emotional Processing: Growing Through PainI have to make space for the cliché that going through painful things makes you grow. Think of yoga as an example. You physically put yourself into uncomfortable positions, but you don’t judge them – you suffer through them and try to breathe into them. When it’s over, you leave being literally a little taller and stronger.

Everyone has the ability to experience painful emotions in a way that is compassionate and productive. Developing a better relationship with your pain does not mean you won’t hurt. You will hurt. But it also doesn’t mean you are broken, unhappy, or destined for failure. It means you are a normal person experiencing life’s suffering. How do you want to make use of that?

Therapy for Emotional Pain: Seeking Professional HelpIf you find yourself struggling with dealing with painful emotions, consider seeking help from a therapist. Therapy for emotional pain can provide you with tools and strategies to navigate these challenging feelings. Compassionate emotional processing is a skill that can be developed with the right support.

Don't hesitate to request a therapist appointment for emotional health with a Council for Relationships therapist to start your journey toward better emotional health.

[caption id="attachment_59008" align="alignleft" width="150"] CFR Staff Therapist Sonja Spangler, LSW[/caption]

Let CFR’s over 85 individual, couples, and family therapy experts help you deal with painful emotions and other mental health conditions. See our Therapist & Psychiatrist Directory for CFR therapists or psychiatrists near you.

If this is an emergency, please call 911 or contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline by dialing 988.

More Mental Health Blogs from CFRCFR's therapists, psychiatrists, and other mental health professionals offer much more to explore! Check out the CFR Expert Voices blog for great mental and emotional health advice on topics such as managing negative thoughts, feeling overwhelmed, learning relaxation techniques, or navigating relationships with family members. To get first access to our Expert Voices blog, join our mailing list!

https://councilforrelationships.org/in-my-feelings/

https://councilforrelationships.org/how-to-feel-your-emotions/

https://councilforrelationships.org/toxic-positivity-its-ok-to-not-be-ok-all-of-the-time/

View Details

Introduction to World Schizophrenia DayWorld Schizophrenia Day, observed annually on May 24th, aims to raise awareness about Schizophrenia, a serious mental illness that affects millions of people worldwide. This day is dedicated to debunking myths and reducing the stigma associated with the disorder, fostering greater understanding and empathy within communities. On this day, mental health professionals, advocates, and individuals affected by Schizophrenia come together to share their stories and insights.

In this blog, Bianca Williams, MFT, a staff therapist at the Council for Relationships, offers a personal and professional perspective on living with Schizophrenia. She highlights the importance of compassion, accurate information, and support for those affected by the disorder. Through her narrative, readers are invited to gain a deeper understanding of Schizophrenia, challenge common misconceptions, and learn practical tips for supporting individuals with this condition.

By increasing schizophrenia awareness and knowledge, World Schizophrenia Day seeks to create a more inclusive and supportive environment for everyone impacted by mental health challenges and to promote overall mental health awareness.

Personal Story and PurposeOn this World Schizophrenia Day, I want to share a deeply personal story about a loved one living with Schizophrenia. This is not just a tale of struggle but a call to spread awareness and compassion. Not from the personal vantage point you might have suspected but more so from the lens of someone as dear to me as air and water. This person that I speak of has been diagnosed with severe Schizophrenia for a number of years. Although writing this out is rather uncomfortable for me, it pales compared to hearing it from a doctor.

Understanding SchizophreniaDefinition and SymptomsThere are over seventy disorders known to be listed in the DSM-5. For those who either need a refresher or at one time thought like me, “Aren’t they all kinda the same thing,” I will break it down a bit.

Schizophrenia is a serious mental illness that can affect thinking, perception, and behavior. A central feature of Schizophrenia is psychosis, which includes hallucinations and delusions.

Common MythsUnfortunately, as with many occurrences in society, myths have been conjured up and associations made about the disease, the most popular being that of having split personalities. These schizophrenia myths are completely untrue. Individuals with Schizophrenia have one personality, just like everyone else. However, in these individuals, certain chemicals in specific areas of the brain are out of balance, which causes a lack of coordination between thoughts, actions, and emotions.

Historical ContextThe term ‘Schizophrenia’ literally means “a splitting of the mind” and was coined in 1910 by Swiss psychiatrist Dr. Paul Eugen Bleuler.

Over time, the illness began to gain more focus, and the National Schizophrenia Foundation declared May 24th as World Schizophrenia Day. This day was meant to honor Dr. Philippe Pinel from France, a major figure in the early efforts to provide humane care and treatment for the mentally ill. According to the World Health Organization, the illness affects over 22 million people worldwide.

Importance of World Schizophrenia DayWhat makes this day so important is to spread not only awareness about this illness but also to eradicate the myths and superstitions around mental illnesses in general. As a fellow human, I can attest that, often, when we are afraid or unsure of something, our natural instinct is to back away from it.

Yes, it is true that symptoms associated with this illness are scary, upsetting, and downright uncomfortable to watch, but imagine for a second what it is like for the other person. Now imagine it is an individual you care about, perhaps even more than you care for yourself.

Personal Reflections and EmpathySchizophrenia is a spectrum disorder, and like other psychotic disorders, it is defined by abnormalities in one or more domains. For example, avolition is one of many “negative symptoms” associated with Schizophrenia. This is when the individual experiences a decreased motivation for purposeful activities and instead can sit for extremely long periods, unable to work or enjoy any social engagement.

The distinctions made within these disorders are just as crucial as taking extensive medical histories to avoid misdiagnosing. Schizophrenia treatment methods like medications and Electroconvulsive Therapy (that is, sending electrical currents through the brain) are constantly changing, and their benefits are studied to provide the best outcomes, as every person’s story and symptoms are different.

I know from witnessing another’s journey firsthand how challenging treating this illness can be. Whether the cause is physiological, genetic, or the psychosis is exacerbated in some way by the environment, I hope that reading this will instill empathy and insight in others.

[caption id="attachment_91012" align="alignright" width="400"] Infographic by Council for Relationships[/caption]

Tips for Better Understanding Schizophrenia1. Replace Fear with Compassion: Try replacing feelings of fear or negativity with compassion and empathy. Sadly, we walk alongside many of these individuals daily who have nowhere to go and are left untreated. 2. Avoid Assumptions and Judgments: Try to avoid making assumptions or judgments. More than likely, the person under less stressful circumstances (and medicated) knows they are unwell; this illness can cause more emotional turmoil for the individual than you know. 3. Educate Yourself: When in doubt, read about it. Educating yourself on the many ways this illness shows up and can affect a person can keep one from labeling and diminishing, which is harmful on a whole other level.

ConclusionBy sharing my story on World Schizophrenia Day, I hope to foster empathy and understanding for those living with this challenging illness. Remember, education and compassion can help break down the stigma surrounding mental health.

If you are reading this and you have been diagnosed with Schizophrenia, please know that the space you take up is just as important and meaningful as anyone else. Although what you carry alongside you may be extraordinarily heavy, know that there will always be people who truly care and that you yourself will never be the problem.

About Philadelphia Marriage & Family Therapist Bianca WilliamsBianca Williams, MFT, is a Staff Therapist at the Council for Relationships who sees individuals, couples, and families in Philadelphia and online. Contact her to book an appointment.

Let CFR’s over 85 individual, couples, and family therapy experts help you build thriving relationships and flourishing communities. See our Therapist & Psychiatrist Directory for CFR therapists or psychiatrists near you.

If this is an emergency, please call 911 or contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline by dialing 988.

More Mental Health Blogs from CFRCFR expert therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists offer much more to explore! Check out the CFR Expert Voices blog for great mental and emotional health advice and insight. To get first access to our Expert Voices blog, join our mailing list!

https://councilforrelationships.org/grieving-during-the-holidays-a-therapists-reflections/

https://councilforrelationships.org/international-day-of-tolerance/

https://councilforrelationships.org/domestic-violence-awareness-month-2023/

https://councilforrelationships.org/taylor-swift-songs-about-mental-health-the-self-titled-edition/

View Details

Welcome to Council for Relationships (CFR) 's monthly Featured Clinician blog, highlighting the dedicated professionals who provide exceptional therapy and psychiatry services to the Philadelphia region. This month, we are pleased to introduce Meghan Rydzewski, MFT, a staff therapist in Philadelphia and Voorhees, New Jersey. Meghan brings a wealth of personal and professional experience to her practice. Let's explore Meghan’s background, approach to therapy, and how personal experiences have shaped her therapeutic approach.

Background and Passion for Council for RelationshipsMeghan Rydzewski (she/her/hers) was born and raised in Collingswood, New Jersey. As an only child of divorced parents and an inherited stepfamily, Meghan’s personal experiences have significantly shaped her approach to therapy.

She identifies as a cisgender female, lesbian, white, and non-religious. Her diverse background allows her to connect with clients deeply and empathetically.

Meghan chose to work at Council for Relationships because she passionately believes in its mission. “I love all the good they contribute to people who need it the most,” she says. Meghan has been a staunch advocate for mental health since childhood, asserting that mental health is as crucial as physical health. Council for Relationships’ provision of sliding-scale mental health services aligns perfectly with her belief that everyone deserves access to therapy.

Unique Qualities of Meghan Rydzewski, MFTMeghan’s unique perspective is shaped by her life experiences.

Being a child of divorce, undergoing therapy for over a decade, and being part of the LGBTQ+ community has given her a distinctive outlook on life. She appreciates the small things many might overlook, enriching her therapeutic practice. Meghan’s lived experiences allow her to connect with clients in a meaningful way, fostering an environment of understanding and support.

First Session ExperienceA first session with Meghan is designed to be a warm and welcoming experience. She understands that starting therapy can be daunting and aims to create a space where clients feel supported and cared for. Meghan asks plenty of questions to get to know her clients, focusing on their identity rather than their issues. Her goal is to make clients feel comfortable enough to share their stories and begin their therapeutic journey.

Goals of Therapy at Council for RelationshipsMeghan believes that the goals of therapy vary for each individual. However, a common objective is for clients to feel seen, heard, and supported. She aims to help clients reach a place where they feel safe and confident in regulating their emotions and implementing healthy coping skills. For Meghan, the ultimate goal is to empower clients to navigate their challenges effectively and lead fulfilling lives.

Meghan helps clients achieve their goals by guiding them, believing in them, and holding them accountable. She emphasizes that therapy is hard work but assures clients that the results are rewarding. “Clients have the power to rewrite their narrative,” she says, positioning herself as a guiding figure in their journey of self-discovery and growth.

Advice from a Therapist for Those Hesitant to Start TherapyFor those who are hesitant to start therapy, Meghan offers compassionate advice. She acknowledges that beginning therapy can be scary and overwhelming. “Only you can know when you are ready,” she says, encouraging individuals to take that first step when they feel prepared.

Finding a good fit is crucial, and Meghan emphasizes that starting therapy is a personal decision that should be made when one feels ready.

Conclusion - Therapy in Philadelphia & New Jersey is Just a Click Away[caption id="attachment_90513" align="alignright" width="300"] CFR Staff Therapist Meghan Rydzewski sees therapy clients in person in Philadelphia and Voorhees, New Jersey, and online.[/caption]

Meghan Rydzewski, MFT, is a dedicated therapist and mental health advocate at Council for Relationships in Philadelphia and Collingswood, NJ. She is committed to continuing to be a mental health advocate and to offer therapy services in PA and NJ.

Her personal experiences, unique outlook, and compassionate approach make her an invaluable member of the Council for Relationships team. If you’re seeking a therapist in New Jersey or Philly and want to feel supported, seen, and heard, Meghan is here to help you on your journey.

We have provided mental health services in Philadelphia and the region since 1932. If you’re interested in scheduling an appointment with Meghan Rydzewski or learning more about the mental health services offered at Council for Relationships, please contact us today.

Your mental health is important; taking the first step toward therapy can make all the difference. See our Therapist & Psychiatrist Directory for CFR therapists or psychiatrists near you. CFR accepts new therapy clients for individual, couples, family, and other relationship model therapy sessions. If this is an emergency, please call 911 or contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline by dialing 988.

More Mental Health BlogsOur expert therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists offer much more to explore! Check out the CFR Expert Voices blog for great mental and emotional health advice and insight. To get first access to our Expert Voices blog, join our mailing list!

https://councilforrelationships.org/womens-psychological-safety-in-the-workplace/

https://councilforrelationships.org/4-mental-health-lessons-from-taylor-swifts-red/

https://councilforrelationships.org/do-i-have-an-eating-disorder/

View Details

Starting in 2013, institutions and technology companies worldwide began marking Global Accessibility Awareness Day on the third Thursday of May.

Introduction to Global Accessibility Awareness DayThe day began with a blog post from a web designer but has become a worldwide day to raise awareness about the need for technology, especially social media, to be equitably accessible for all. It is also a day to celebrate the unique contributions and the Disabled contributors who are at the outer edge of culture makers.

Global Accessibility Awareness Day celebrates the idea that diversity is the spice of life.

Navigating the Digital World: Challenges and Opportunities for Disabled IndividualsAccording to the CDC, Disabled people make up 27% of the adult population in the United States. The worldwide population of Disabled people is currently equal to over 1.3 billion people. Global Accessibility Awareness Day is about drawing attention to the need to make the Internet, social media, video, and audio content accessible to people with a diverse array of disabilities.

Disability does not discriminate, and so within every demographic group, there is a subpopulation of Disabled people. This subpopulation is invariably the most disenfranchised of that demographic group; they are the ones you have never heard from. The digital domain can not truly cultivate community and collaboration if the Disabled community is spoken for by others rather than accessible so that we can all express our own agency.

Disability is an intrinsic part of life, not a people to be avoided.

The Digital Footprint of the Disabled CommunityAlthough many Disabled People rely on the internet, they remain excluded from a digital desert of services, content, and community. Because they have such a smaller digital footprint relative to the size of our population, there is a growing fear that an AI-dominated internet could turn out to be less accurate when applied or utilized by Disabled People, potentially implicitly ableist.

There are many definitions of ableism, but at its core, ableism is prejudice or bias towards Disabled People. It is the idea that some bodies are prized over others. Ableism is the biased idea that one body type represents the universal experience of humanity.

Celebrating Global Accessibility Awareness Day 2024A reason to celebrate Global Accessibility Awareness Day is that our society's ideas about what it means to be Disabled are undergoing dramatic change. We are moving out of the darkness of ideas in non-disabled society (such as the idea that the Disabled are better off dead) to an understanding that there are strengths and skill sets that exist only in the Disabled.

That the world is better with Disabled People in it.

That, on average, Disabled people are incredible problem solvers.

The Disabled invented interdependence and so much more!

Where would physics be without Newton, Einstein, Hawking, or Feynman? Where would psychology be without Freud, Mudd, Skinner, and Bronfrenbrener?

Humanity would not be humanity if disability did not exist. On average, the Disabled report an equal quality of life to nondisabled people (I intentionally use "non-disabled" rather than not "abled"; Disabled people are just as "abled.")

The Deaf and Hard of Hearing, when living in a Deaf and Hard of Hearing community, report a higher quality of life than the non-disabled and Disabled people who hear. That surprises a lot of non-disabled people. The majority of Disabled people contend that the hardest thing in our lives to cope with is inaccessibility and ableism. Not our bodies.

Global Accessibility Awareness Day is a day of celebration because it celebrates the unique contributions of Disabled people to our society, our communities, and the planet. It exists so that humanity never needs to contemplate what music would be like if Beethoven did not have access to a piano.

Stories of Impact: Disabled Contributors Changing the Digital LandscapeGlobal Accessibility Awareness Day is about making the digital domain inclusive for everyone. It is in everyone's interest that musicians like Lachi can perform for everyone's benefit.

Advancing Disability Justice: Key Programs and AchievementsThere is a concept in accessibility called the “Curb Cut Effect.” Curb cuts are small ramps at the corners of city blocks.

Before curb cuts, the city blocks of Philadelphia were islands of cement surrounded by an ocean of asphalt. It was impossible for me to travel from one block to another. Traveling in Philadelphia was a matter of a game of chicken with my wheelchair and the motorists of the City of Brotherly Love.

Curb cuts not only made the city safer and easier to traverse for wheelchair users, Disabled people, and others with access and functional needs. Curb cuts also made it easier for non-disabled people, like parents with baby strollers and UPS deliverers.

Global Accessibility Awareness Day is about extending the "Curb Cut Effect" to the digital world, not just to make the digital social sphere accessible to the Disabled. It makes the virtual world better for us all.

I am not only proud to be Disabled and a part of the Disability community, but I am also excited to be Disabled. My culture and world remain largely an undiscovered country to the non-disabled. There are so many opportunities to build a more welcoming world for everyone! There are many questions that the non-disabled have been asking for eons, that the Disabled community has had the answer to all along.

When people work as one, when they see their weaknesses as natural connection points to the strengths of others, we can begin to understand that the parts of ourselves that we are ashamed of or do not like are actually part of our own unique special sauce. We are all square pegs in a social environment of round holes.

In 14 billion years, there has never been another you or another me. In 14 billion years, there will never be another you or me. No one has ever had the unique combination of pluses and minuses you and I have.

Our intrinsic value as human beings is assured by this fact: you are the rarest of the rare because you are you. I am fortunate to circle the stars on the same stone as you. This is what being Disabled and the Disability community has taught me.

Conclusion: A Call to Action for Digital InclusivityFollow, engage, and share Disabled content creators on the web and social media.

Creators such as Tee Franklin, a Black Queer Disabled Woman (Disability is intersectional), who is the creator of the animated series Harley Quinn and other recent comic books. Philadelphia’s own Imani Barbarin is an incredible writer who publishes content on the web under the name Crutches and Spice.

Learn about what a fully accessible website really means (hint: no overlays). The best way to find out is by checking out the content of Disabled creators who know about accessibility. The World Institute on Disability is my personal go-to for accessibility, whether in real life or virtual.

Take a journey of discovery.

The Disability community and our culture are amazing! Check out the Pan Disabled Orchestra and Infinite Flow. If you are feeling adventurous and in an NSFW environment, check out Sins Invalid and their incredible performance art and education sessions.

[caption id="attachment_90295" align="alignright" width="150"] CFR Staff Therapist Matthew CP Purinton, LCSW.[/caption]

About Philadelphia-area Therapist Matthew CP Purinton, LCSWMatthew CP Purinton, LCSW, is a Staff Therapist at the Council for Relationships. He identifies as a Disabled Person and uses identity-first language to signal his affinity with the Disability Justice Movement within the Disability Community. Contact him to book an individual, couples, or family therapy appointment.

Let CFR’s over 85 individual, couples, and family therapy experts help you build thriving relationships and flourishing communities. See our Therapist & Psychiatrist Directory for CFR therapists or psychiatrists near you.

If this is an emergency, please call 911 or contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline by dialing 988.

https://councilforrelationships.org/holocaust-remembrance-day-2024-yom-hashoah/

https://councilforrelationships.org/help-for-young-adults-with-autism-and-their-families/

https://councilforrelationships.org/honoring-disability-pride-month/

View Details

Holocaust Remembrance Day 2024 calls us to reflect deeply on the echoes of the past and the reverberations they cause in our present world. This year, the day takes on a poignant significance, juxtaposed against the October 7th attack, the largest on Jewish lives since World War II.

This convergence of historical and recent events prompts us to question: How does remembering the atrocities of the Holocaust impact our understanding of new horrors? As we honor the memory of those lost and reflect on human cruelty, we must also consider our responsibilities today in the face of ongoing hatred and violence.

Holocaust Remembrance Day 2024 in Context of October 7thIt has been 79 years since the end of WWII.

The term Holocaust has appeared in the daily press more frequently since the Hamas attack on Israel on October 7, 2023, than at any other time since the end of WWII. Why is this striking? Because of the reality that the largest attack on Jews since the end of the Holocaust took place on October 7 (a fact that is often repeated by media when covering the Israel-Hamas War).

What do we do with this fact? How do we feel? How does it affect our consciousness?

It has been believed that the memorialization of the Holocaust through an international day of observance established by the United Nations, through museums, memorial events, and Holocaust survivor testimonies, and through the educational curricula in schools and universities would sensitize humanity to the reality of humanity’s cruelty to others.

The phrase “never again” captures this sentiment. But have we learned? What have we learned? There have been a number of genocidal wars since the end of WWII. Many countries around the world have dictatorial regimes and oppressed groups within their populations.

So what does it mean to commemorate Holocaust Remembrance Day in 2024?

We owe it to the 6 million people destroyed by the Nazi goal to exterminate the Jews not only to mark their deaths but also to remember their lives and their stories. We acknowledge this overwhelming tragedy and bear witness to human cruelty that causes enormous human suffering.

Going to Holocaust museums can cause deep feelings of sadness, despair, and empathy for those who suffered. Alongside the sense of disbelief and an out-of-body experience that feels surreal, hopefully, comes a personal commitment to never let this happen again.

Yom HaShoahThis Yom HaShoah, on May 6, 2024, should be a wake-up call. We need to do more than bear witness and feel sad. This year, of all years, we should make a personal commitment to take a stand against hatred in all forms.

Look around you. You do not even have to go global. We need to examine our own communities, workspaces, and rhetoric within our own country.

Do we believe in democracy? Do we believe in equality? Do we believe in the value of every human being?

Well, if you do, then take a stand against those around you who espouse hatred, blanket condemnation of one group over another, and the determination of who is acceptable and who is not. Take a stand against tyranny in whatever form you see it. We need to respond against all the “isms” that arise in a time of social unrest or social confusion.

In addition to working towards the end of racism and bigotry, we must speak out against the significant rise of antisemitism in the United States. Who stands with me?

I share with you the statement by German Lutheran pastor Martin Neimoller – an opponent of the Nazi Regime:

First, they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a socialist.Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a trade unionist.Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—because I was not a Jew.Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.

From Holocaust Remembrance Day 2024 to the Transcending Trauma ProjectSince its establishment in 1991, the Transcending Trauma Project (TTP) has delved deeply into the complexities of human resilience and anguish, examining the lives of Holocaust survivors and their families. This Council for Relationships project has amassed over 1,200 hours of interviews with 97 survivors, capturing the narratives of their lives and those of their children and grandchildren. These archives are now preserved at the U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum.

TTP's unique approach to examining the intricate pre-war, wartime, and post-war family dynamics offers insights into the mechanisms of coping and adaptation.

The research on how people deal with and adapt to severe trauma, like the TTP studies, is important for other groups who have also experienced extreme trauma, whether it happened during attempts to wipe them out, wars, battles, or violence against them personally.

So far, the project has produced two books and many articles that show how trauma affects families over generations, impacting how families connect and how strong individuals can be. These insights are crucial for therapists and practitioners seeking effective ways to support traumatized individuals, emphasizing the importance of understanding family interactions in the healing process.

Through collaboration with experts from various institutions in Philadelphia, TTP enhances our comprehension of trauma's extensive reach and the pathways to recovery. It serves to guide our efforts to mitigate the impacts of past atrocities on future generations and underscores the pivotal role of empathy and detailed study in fostering thriving relationships and flourishing communities.

[caption id="attachment_76120" align="alignright" width="150"] Dr. Bea Hollander-Goldfein, Director of the Transcending Trauma Project[/caption]

About the AuthorBea Hollander-Goldfein, PhD, LMFT, CCTP, Director of Transcending Trauma Project at Council for Relationships. She is a licensed psychologist and Marriage and Family Therapist (MFT) and an instructor and supervisor in CFR's AAMFT-accredited Postgraduate Program in MFT. Dr. Hollander-Goldfein has a broad-based clinical practice with expertise in trauma treatment.

If this is an emergency, please call 911 or contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline by dialing 988.

More Expert Mental Health Blogs from CFRIf you enjoyed "Holocaust Remembrance Day 2024 - Yom HaShoah," our expert therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists offer much more to explore! Check out the CFR Expert Voices blog for great mental and emotional health advice and insight. To get first access to our Expert Voices blog, join our mailing list!

https://councilforrelationships.org/reflections-on-the-holocaust-and-the-war-in-ukraine

https://councilforrelationships.org/purim-and-mental-health

https://councilforrelationships.org/understanding-trauma-poland-and-the-holocaust

View Details

In the hustle of modern life, understanding and managing personal time is critical to enhancing well-being. In fact, a recent survey found that when rating on a scale of 1-10, where 10 signifies a great deal of stress, a quarter of all Americans reported their average stress level as between 8 and 10. The concept of One Two There Time provides a unique framework for balancing solitude, companionship, and community engagement, tailored to individual preferences and needs.

As we delve deeper into the nuances of One Two Three Time, CFR Staff Therapist Kent Matthies, MFT, MDiv, explores its role in personal development and emotional health. Whether navigating the dynamics of introversion and extroversion, managing relationship dynamics, or simply seeking to refine your understanding of personal and social time, the insights shared here empower you to take back your personal time.

Therapy Goats on the Chesapeake?Working with a therapist can help a person implement helpful strategies for improving the quality of their life.

I learned one such strategy, One Two Three Time, from a friend living alone on a goat farm. Actually, Johnny wasn’t living alone if goats count. I have always been a guy living in the city or suburbs. Hence, when I met John, I took note of his remote abode.

"Do you ever get lonely out here?" I asked, in a mediocre attempt to hide the projection of my own loneliness challenges.

“No, I need and love time alone," John said, "I learned a long time ago that everyone has different wants and needs for their One Two Three Time.”

Understanding One Two Three Time: A Unique Approach to Balancing Personal NeedsJohnny explained to me One Two Three Time highlights that everyone has different wants and needs for alone time, time with another person, and time with two or more other people (that is, group time).

One Two Three Time is a strategy that balances different types of social interaction and personal solitude based on individual needs and preferences. It categorizes time into three distinct types:

One Time: This refers to time spent alone. This involves time used for personal reflection, self-care, and individual activities that do not involve others. It is essential for those who recharge and find peace in solitude.
Two Time: This involves time spent with another person, typically in a one-on-one setting. This can be with a friend, family member, or partner. It's used for more intimate social interactions and can be crucial for building and maintaining close relationships.
Three Time: This is time spent with two or more people, essentially group interactions. It includes social gatherings, family meetings, and activities with friends or colleagues. It's important for those who thrive in lively social environments and benefit from the dynamics of group interactions.

The strategy reminds us that everyone has different needs and preferences when it comes to spending time. Understanding and balancing these priorities can improve mental health and overall life satisfaction.

The Role of Therapists in Personalizing Your Time PrioritizationWorking with a therapist can help you best navigate your own wants and needs for One Two Three Time. Therapists can help you navigate your preferences to maximize your personal and relational fulfillment.

Johnny, who earned his living by getting up at 4:30 a.m. and managing crab pots on the waters of the Chesapeake Bay, was energized by the structure of his life. That knowledge had not come easily to Johnny, who had spent years in alcohol recovery programs, was active in his church, and worked with a therapist.

Extroverts and Introverts: Managing One Two Three Time According to Your PersonalityGenerally speaking, introverts want and need more time alone and with another person, while extroverts want and need more time with another person and a larger group.

But guess what?

Most people do not remain fixed throughout their lives at the same point along the introvert-extrovert spectrum. It is also true that in wider society, many extrovert traits are favored due to inaccurate and unwise societal biases. Introverts' traits are often unfairly painted in a negative light. Whether you get your batteries charged more by alone time or spending time with others, you might benefit from a therapist helping you navigate.

[caption id="attachment_86373" align="alignright" width="400"] Infographic by Council for Relationships[/caption]

Navigating Relationships with One Two Three Time: Insights from a Relationship TherapistIt is a well-known adage that good communication is important for relationships. The trick often involves the partners figuring out what to communicate.

One Two Three Time is a productive frame for couples to focus their conversation. A relationship therapist (sometimes called a "couples therapist") can assist.

Communication and One Two Three Time: Strengthening Emotional HealthAs we move through the chapters of our lives, our needs and wants for how we spend our time often change. For example, you may have been single and become comfortable living alone. Then you found your mate and moved in together. Wow! Regardless of the energizing or challenging aspects of your relationship, you now have significantly more Two time (that is, time at home with your partner[s]).

Without getting defensive or judgmental, can you and those in your relationship make space to share and listen to each other's wants and needs for One Two Three Time? Perhaps independent of any qualities of your romantic relationship, one of you would appreciate more alone time. Alternatively, one of you may crave increased hangout time with a group of friends.

When those in relationships explore these questions together, including with the support of a therapist, they can live into the wisdom found in the words of the poet Kahlil Gibran: “Love one another, but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.”

Life’s Evolving Needs and One Two Three Time: Adapting Through the StagesIn the later stages of life, folks face new challenges and opportunities to engage in One Two Three Time. When the kids launch into adulthood, and a couple lives in an empty nest, grieving often combines with undertaking long put-aside hobbies, friendships, or health needs.

When a partner has health challenges and increasingly stays home, the other partner(s) may benefit from clarifying they still have wanderlust. A relationship therapist can help a couple negotiate how to support a partner nesting while the other gets out to expand and explore.

If any of these situations or others resonate, maybe, a therapist can help you explore how your attachment style is at play. Do you have an avoidant, anxious, or secure attachment style? A therapist may also be able to help you assess how you process uncertainty and change. How do you develop more tools for growing a healthy window of tolerance for stress?

I like to say that before COVID-19, everyone could benefit from talking to a therapist now and then. After COVID-19, everyone can benefit from talking to a therapist now and then. Why not give yourself some support? Maybe this work can help you better navigate how you can best be yourself, both when you are alone and when you are with others.

[caption id="attachment_73826" align="alignleft" width="150"] CFR Staff Therapist Kent Matthies.[/caption]

About Philadelphia Therapist Kent Matthies, MFT, MDivKent Matthies, MFT, MDiv, is a Staff Therapist at Council for Relationships. Contact him to book an individual, couples, or family therapy appointment.

If this is an emergency, please call 911 or contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline by dialing 988.

More Mental Health BlogsOur expert therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists offer much more to explore! Check out the CFR Expert Voices blog for great mental and emotional health advice and insight. To get first access to our Expert Voices blog, join our mailing list!

https://councilforrelationships.org/philadelphia-psychiatrist-and-therapist-encourages-embracing-diverse-emotions/

https://councilforrelationships.org/in-my-feelings

https://councilforrelationships.org/are-you-building-the-life-you-want-as-2023-transitions-into-2024/

View Details

We can draw many mental health lessons from BTS's vast music catalog. While the South Korean band is on hiatus, we reflect on the 4 mental health lessons from BTS's Map of the Soul: 7 (with a special assist by Doolset Lyrics for the Korean-to-English translations of BTS's lyrics).

Important Mental Health Lessons from BTS's Map of the Soul: 7 for Everyday LifeYou may know BTS from their COVID pandemic era hits “Dynamite,” “Butter,” and “Permission to Dance,” which provided light-hearted comfort and joy during an unsettling time of lockdown and widespread illness. As The Atlantic writer Lenika Cruz aptly summarized in her 2020 article, “...nearly every BTS song seeks, in some way, to assure the listener: You are not alone.”

While the BTS members take a break from group activities to complete mandatory South Korean military service, we can learn mental health lessons from their 2020 studio album Map of the Soul: 7.

Map of the Soul: 7 is a follow-up to their 2019 EP, Map of the Soul: Persona. Both albums draw inspiration from Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Carl Jung’s concept of the Map of the Soul. Swiss training analyst Dr. Murray Stein 1998 book Jung’s Map of the Soul: An Introduction was featured on BTS’s management company Big Hit Entertainment's (now HYBE) website.

Map of the Soul: 7 touches upon introspection, self-examination, and self-acceptance themes. As band member Suga explained in an interview, "One message that penetrates the album as a whole is that you must face your inner shadow but resist becoming submerged into its depths."

Mental Health Lesson #1: "Intro: Persona""Intro: Persona” is a song by RM, the leader of BTS, about self-discovery. He opens the song with the lines:

“Who am I?” the question I had my whole life
The question which I probably won’t find an answer to my whole life

Carl Jung described the persona as “a complicated system of relations between the individual consciousness and society, fittingly enough a kind of mask, designed on the one hand to make a definite impression upon others, and, on the other, to conceal the true nature of the individual." In Analytical Psychology, the persona is a sort of social mask that we wear when interacting with the outer world. That mask is how we appear to others and how we wish to be perceived by them. We can have various personae throughout life.

My shadow, I named him “hesitation” and called him
Once he became it, he has never hesitated
Whether it is under the stage or under the light, he keeps appearing
And stares at me fiercely like heat haze (Oh sh*t)

Throughout the video, RM confronts various representations of himself, just as one may do during psychotherapy. In the first half of the song, he asks introspective questions about his life and flaws and, in the latter half, resolves to embrace his qualities.

In addition to the lyrics, the music video incorporates vocal samples and visual references to a prior song, “Intro: Skool Luv Affair,” as additional nods to past reflection and self-examination. This song acknowledges that we do not exist in a vacuum–that the human experience is messy and complicated and an amalgam of our experiences, present actions, and future hopes and fears.

Mental Health Lesson #2: "Boy With Luv (feat. Halsey)"The Korean title, 작은 것들을 위한 시, means “A Poem for Small Things.”

When asked about the meaning of the song, BTS's leader, RM, references "ARMY" (also known as BTS's fandom) and describes the song as being "about finding little joy in love, being curious about the little things, the details like what you’re eating, what you’re doing. But, most importantly, Boy With Luv is like a fan letter from BTS to ARMY. That’s the most important thing."

This song can be seen as a transformation from their 2014 song “Boy In Luv,” which portrays love as immature enamor from a macho perspective to the more mature, reflective, and nuanced type of love.

This track teaches us about the splendor in life's small, ordinary details, like noticing your plant growing a new leaf on the windowsill, when someone remembers just how you like your coffee/tea, or breathing in that unique earthy smell after a light summer rain. In relationships, acknowledging and enjoying the mundane details together can be just as important as grand, exciting gestures.

I’ll just talk straight and honest
There were times when I was acting arrogant without knowing
The sky that became too high, the hall that became too big
Sometimes I prayed to let me run away
But your scar is my scar–
When I realized it, I promised myself
That, with Icarus’ wings that you gave me,
I’d fly to you, not the sun
Let me fly

With the Icarus’ wings reference, we can learn to course correct (and be grounded in a realistic and healthy loving relationship) rather than fly too close to the sun (and be consumed by fantasies of what we hope to gain from being in love) and crash.

Mental Health Lesson #3: "Jamais Vu"Jamais vu is a French term meaning “never seen” that describes the uncanny impression of experiencing something for the first time despite logically knowing that one has experienced it before. This unfamiliar feeling is sometimes associated with certain types of aphasia, amnesia, and epileptic events and can occur with familiar words, phrases, people, places, and events.

Jamais vu is often explained as the opposite of déjà vu (the sensation that an event has already been experienced in the past, whether it actually occurred or not).

This track is about stumbling into repetitive patterns and failing to learn from our mistakes. We may subconsciously repeat the same maladaptive patterns throughout our lives. One of the goals of psychotherapy can be to bring awareness to these behaviors and gain understanding (as they may have been protective in the past but are no longer serving our present selves). With greater insight, there is hope for change.

I feel like I’ve lost again
You look angry
A sign that glimmers, “Game over, over, over”
If this was a game,
It would be all good if I load it again
I guess I gotta deal with this, deal with this
Real world
…
Though I’m okay, I’m not okay
Though I’ve been telling myself that I’m used to this,
It hurts every time as if it’s the first time

Mental Health Lesson #4: "00:00 (Zero O’Clock)"“Zero O’Clock” is a comforting and candid song that opens with depictions of the heaviness and loneliness of depression. The lyrics describe staying awake in bed, replaying past events, and ruminating on self-blame. The song's crux imagines midnight as the time when the “world holds its breath” and the day can reset. It provides an encouraging message of hope: tomorrow is a new day and a chance to start anew.

There are those days
Days when you’re sad for no reason,
When your body feels heavy,
And everyone, except me,
Looks busy, fiercely living their life
I can’t get my feet to move
Though it feels like I’m already late
The whole world disturbs me.
…
I come home
Lie in bed
And try thinking
Whether it was my fault
An unsettling night,
Suddenly, I look at the clock
Soon, it’s 12 O’Clock
Will something change
It probably won’t be the case
But still, this day
Will end
When the second hand and the minute hand overlap,
The world holds it breath for a very brief moment
Zero O’Clock

And you gonna be happy
And you gonna be happy

[caption id="attachment_75292" align="alignright" width="150"] Philadelphia Psychiatrist and Therapist Dr. Jennifer Trinh[/caption]

About CFR Staff Psychiatrist Dr. Jennifer TrinhJennifer Trinh, MD, is a Staff Psychiatrist at Council for Relationships. Contact her to book an appointment or schedule a referral.

If this is an emergency, please call 911 or contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline by dialing 988.

More Mental Health BlogsOur expert therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists offer much more to explore! Check out the CFR Expert Voices blog for great mental and emotional health advice and insight. To get first access to our Expert Voices blog, join our mailing list!

https://councilforrelationships.org/4-mental-health-lessons-from-taylor-swifts-red/

https://councilforrelationships.org/closing-the-gap-perinatal-mental-health-services-in-north-philadelphia/

https://councilforrelationships.org/mental-health-lessons

View Details

Embarking on the path to healing and self-discovery requires courage, understanding, and guidance. Mindfulness-based therapy services offer a unique approach, combining traditional therapeutic practices with mindfulness techniques to support individuals, couples, and families in finding a way to meet life's challenges.

In this blog, we delve into the story of Kent Matthies, a seasoned Unitarian Universalist Minister turned Marriage & Family Therapist (MFT) and trained mindfulness leader. With over 30 years of experience supporting people through various life stages and challenges, Kent's transition to become a therapist was driven by a lifelong commitment to helping people. His journey from ministering to providing therapeutic care exemplifies the profound impact of embracing mindfulness in therapy.

[caption id="attachment_84785" align="alignleft" width="400"] By Kent Matthies, MFT, MDiv[/caption]

The Path to Mindfulness-Based Therapy ServicesA Lifelong Commitment to Helping PeopleTransitioning smoothly between a career in ministry and a second career as a Marriage and Family Therapist (MFT) and a trained mindfulness leader, I've dedicated over three decades to supporting individuals in recovery. This journey wasn't a departure but a continuation of my lifelong commitment to assisting others. My calling to the ministry was deeply rooted in a desire to make a tangible difference in people's lives, a theme that has been the backbone of my professional and personal endeavors.

Throughout my 25 years as a Unitarian Universalist Minister, I found joy and purpose in celebrating life's milestones—from officiating weddings and welcoming new babies to guiding youth and supporting the elderly through their unique challenges.

This same drive for positive impact propelled me into my second career. The skills and insights I honed as a minister have been invaluable in my MFT and mindfulness leader work. I have always focused on fostering connections and providing support during life's pivotal moments. Whether leading a diverse congregation, offering solace during times of loss, or advocating for societal change, my efforts have consistently aimed at creating a more compassionate and just world.

My dedication to being present in people's lives has taken many forms, extending beyond traditional pastoral duties. My experiences range from aiding refugees in Central America to working with gang members and inmates, reflecting a broad and inclusive approach to community support. These experiences have enriched my understanding of human resilience and the power of community.

Leisure activities, like singing, sharing meals, recounting personal stories, and even cheering for the Philadelphia Eagles (Go Birds!), have further deepened my connections with those around me. These elements—whether part of my ministry or therapeutic practice—highlight my unwavering passion for nurturing relationships and building communities grounded in empathy and shared experiences.

Embracing a Second Career: From Minister to Marriage & Family TherapistThroughout my personal and professional journeys, my overarching goal has always been to assist individuals in diminishing their suffering while enhancing their sense of wellness and joy. The therapeutic relationship, in particular, has offered me a unique avenue to connect more intimately with people. Within the confines of therapy, we can uncover and understand patterns that can lead to transformative changes in their lives.

This ability to make a significant difference ultimately inspired me to pursue a career as a therapist.

The Impact of Mindfulness in Marriage & Family TherapyNurturing Relationships with Professional ExpertiseAt CFR, I not only practice psychotherapy but also received my training to become a Marriage & Family Therapist. My education at CFR equipped me with diverse theories and strategies to assist clients effectively.

Here, we prioritize a pragmatic approach, tailoring our methods to meet each individual's unique needs and objectives rather than relying on one-size-fits-all solutions.

Cultivating Growth: My Journey with CFR’s Postgraduate CertificationThe CFR Postgraduate Certification MFT Program was instrumental in leveraging my prior 25 years of professional experience, propelling me into a fulfilling new career in Marriage & Family Therapy.

This program introduced me to a community of skilled and similarly motivated therapists, a network supporting my development and aspirations to excel in my practice.

[caption id="attachment_84737" align="alignright" width="400"] Infographic by Council for Relationships[/caption]

Continuous Learning and Collaboration: The Cornerstones of Effective TherapyLeveraging Years of Experience in Helping Diverse ClientsThe field of psychotherapy is continuously evolving, and I am privileged to build upon the foundation laid by the pioneers of our profession. As we expand our knowledge in areas like neuroscience and attachment theory, my passion for ongoing learning grows stronger.

In collaboration, we are refining our approaches to support individuals who have experienced emotional immaturity in their upbringing, those who are navigating anxiety, and people seeking a deeper sense of purpose in their lives.

A Team Approach to Personalized Mindfulness-Based SolutionsAt Council for Relationships, being part of an intelligent, talented, and dedicated team is something I truly cherish. Whenever I encounter a question beyond my expertise, I can rely on my colleagues' wealth of experience. We are committed to providing each client with the highest level of professional service.

My personal and professional life has allowed me to support individuals, couples, and families through a variety of challenges, including marital issues, addiction and recovery, ADHD, and exploring spirituality in the latter half of life. I have a particular focus on assisting men with a broad spectrum of concerns. Working with athletes, nature enthusiasts, and gardeners also brings me great joy.

I am deeply committed to helping anyone eager to embark on a learning, growth, and transformation journey.

Embarking on a Therapeutic Journey: What to ExpectYour First Session: Setting the Path Towards HealingTherapy offers a chance to modify thought and behavior patterns that aren't benefiting us anymore, taking into account biological, social, and psychological aspects.

In our initial session, you'll have the opportunity to express your goals for therapy. This is your time to illustrate the obstacles you're facing and share the moments of sorrow and joy in your life.

Mindfulness and Emotional Focused Therapies: Crafting Your Unique PlanTogether, in a practical manner, we'll determine the most effective approach and tailor a plan specifically crafted for your needs.

It's possible that an emotionally focused therapy approach will suit your goals best. Or maybe, integrating mindfulness and elements from attachment or polyvagal theory will be more beneficial.

I'm committed to partnering with you on your mental health journey. Depending on your need, I may offer kindness and compassion or challenge your perspectives and choices. I hope to forge a connection with you intellectually and emotionally so we can work towards enhancing your life.

Taking the First Step Towards Mindfulness-Based TherapyIf you're feeling uncertain about beginning therapy, here's my suggestion: why not come in and give it a shot? While it's possible that you might not see the value in therapy after just a few sessions, it's far more likely that you'll find it supportive, enlightening, and helpful in navigating your life and achieving your goals.

[caption id="attachment_73826" align="alignleft" width="150"] CFR Staff Therapist Kent Matthies.[/caption]

About CFR Therapist Kent Matthies, MFT, MDivKent Matthies, MFT, MDiv, is a Staff Therapist at Council for Relationships. Contact him to book an individual, couples, or family therapy appointment.

If this is an emergency, please call 911 or contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline by dialing 988.

More Mental Health BlogsOur expert therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists offer much more to explore! Check out the CFR Expert Voices blog for great mental and emotional health advice and insight. To get first access to our Expert Voices blog, join our mailing list!

https://councilforrelationships.org/disenfranchised-grief

https://councilforrelationships.org/seed-of-change-pathways-to-personal-and-spiritual-growth/

https://councilforrelationships.org/in-my-feelings

View Details

Perinatal mental health services play a crucial role in supporting expecting and new mothers, offering hope and essential care in communities facing significant challenges. This blog explores the transformative impact of these services, detailing the journey of embedding a Council for Relationships (CFR) Therapist within the Stephen Klein Wellness Center in North Philadelphia and the difference it makes in the lives of those served.

[caption id="attachment_82265" align="alignleft" width="400"] Reported History of Maternal Substance Use, Mental Health Diagnosis and Intimate Partner Violence in Pregnancy-Associated Deaths, 2013-2018[/caption]

The Importance of Perinatal Mental Health ServicesWhen I saw the job posting, I immediately updated my resume: “Embedded Therapist for Perinatal and New Parent Care.” CFR received funding to offer therapy to expecting and new mothers through Project Home. The role would require working at the Stephen Klein Wellness Center in North Philadelphia, where obstetric care is provided to women.

Addressing the Gap: The Stephen Klein Wellness Center's RoleThe Stephen Klein Wellness Center is a beacon of hope and health in a community lacking comprehensive health care services. Located several blocks west of Temple University and across from a park and community center named in honor of Martin Luther King Jr., the Center provides a wide array of health and wellness services, including primary care, behavioral health, dental care, and a pharmacy.

Put simply, the services offered by the Center are invaluable to neighborhoods of North Philadelphia, where poverty, childbirth-related complications, and deaths are unusually high due to, among numerous other factors, a shortage of services.

Challenges and Solutions in Providing Mental Health CareWe know that mental health conditions are one of the highest risk factors for pregnancy-related death.

As many of us understand, pregnant people and new parents need a lot of support, especially when dealing with issues like not having a stable place to live, poverty, domestic violence, and racism. There was a critical need for mental health services, but hardly any local, affordable, and specialized counseling options were available.

Excitement surrounded this new position. The Stephen Klein Wellness Center, one of those places with genuine concern for the people it serves, had staff that seemed thrilled to offer this service to their mothers finally. They quickly identified clients who were interested in receiving perinatal counseling.

When they offered me the position, I was ecstatic. With my background in social work and an interest in perinatal mental health, it felt like a perfect fit. Nevertheless, I became aware of my privilege and wondered how it would impact the therapy: How could I expect my clients to trust that I understood them?

Council for Relationship and the Launch of a New PositionAs we began our work together, nearly every client expressed that trust was generally hard for them. Hearing this, I focused on what every training program will teach you about the most important part of the therapeutic process: the relationship.

Thanks to the trust that the Stephen Klein Wellness Center had instilled in these women from the start, my clients began to break down emotional barriers and be vulnerable with me. I soon viewed our relationships with awe as I experienced these women trusting me. And our relationships grew deeper with time. We built trust, emotional safety, mutual respect, and genuine care.

The truth is that mental health is wrapped up in the realities of managing motherhood. Realities that include limited physical, financial, and emotional resources. It felt important to offer a pause to their sometimes chaotic lives, take a breath, reflect, and listen with full care and attention, even though I could do nothing to fix the real-life problems they came to therapy for.

I grew genuinely fond of my clients, and I could sense that they felt the same way towards me. According to our measures, there was also a significant reduction in depressive symptoms.

An Unexpected Loss & the Long-Term Impact of Perinatal Mental Health Services on Future RelationshipsThen, one day, an unexpected email arrived: they had cut the funding for this program. What they initially promised as a one-year program would now end three months early.

The disappointment was palpable after the hard work of various organizations in securing the position and the emotional labor of my clients and me in building these therapeutic relationships. The decision was final despite the advocacy efforts by CFR and the Stephen Klein Wellness Center.

The news shocked, but hardly surprised, us. This is a story you often hear regarding service provision for marginalized communities. Because many in these communities cannot afford the high fees of outpatient therapy, they suffer through things like inadequate care or unexpected termination of treatment.

It pains me that this program has contributed to another lost relationship for these women.

Building Future Relationships Through Effective Outpatient TherapyUnderstanding this, CFR graciously stepped in and funded the last three months of the program. Furthermore, they were able to set up the transfer of my clients to staff and interns who could continue seeing them for the foreseeable future at almost no cost.

I am grateful to CFR for having the heart to make this ending smooth. Although it is a happy ending, given the circumstances, I have been sitting with my clients in grief and disappointment as we wrap up the last weeks of our therapy together. They are confronting the anxiety related to changing therapists after having gotten so far with me. I am confronting the loss of relationships that matter to me.

As my clients process the emotions involved with this ending, I have reflected on the meaning behind this position. I am grateful for the experience. I hope my clients can know the value of a therapeutic relationship, their strengths in engaging with it, and how they can apply that to future relationships in and outside therapy.

On a broader level, I am also reflecting on the importance of investing in programs that can help reduce the gap in mental health services for marginalized communities. I hope that individuals in low-income areas will be able to depend on mental health providers to be there for them as long as they need.

[caption id="attachment_59008" align="alignright" width="150"] CFR Staff Therapist Sonja Spangler, LSW[/caption]

About CFR Therapist Sonja SpanglerSonja Spangler, LSW, is a Staff Therapist at Council for Relationships. Contact her to book an individual, couples, or family therapy appointment with Sonja.

If this is an emergency, please call 911 or contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline by dialing 988.

More Mental Health BlogsOur expert therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists offer much more to explore! Check out the CFR Expert Voices blog for great mental and emotional health advice and insight. To get first access to our Expert Voices blog, join our mailing list!

https://councilforrelationships.org/ambivalence-during-pregnancy-navigating-the-unspoken/

https://councilforrelationships.org/working-for-a-nonprofit-why-i-work-for-a-nonprofit-organization/

https://councilforrelationships.org/womens-psychological-health-services/

View Details

Pregnancy is often portrayed as a time of joy and anticipation, but for many, it's a period marked by complex emotions. Ambivalence during pregnancy, a state of having mixed feelings about the impending arrival of one's baby, is a common yet seldom discussed phenomenon. This silence fosters a sense of isolation, shame, and fear, leading many to wonder, "What is wrong with me?"

This blog aims to shed light on the reality that feelings of ambivalence during pregnancy are entirely normal. We endeavor to navigate this unspoken territory by exploring the roots, implications, and strategies for managing such feelings, offering solace and understanding to those who tread its paths.

[caption id="attachment_81546" align="alignleft" width="400"] Infographic by Council for Relationships[/caption]

Introduction to Ambivalence During PregnancyAmbivalence about one’s baby during pregnancy is frequently experienced but rarely discussed. According to a 2018 study, over a quarter of women in the United States expressed ambivalence about their last pregnancy.

Many women stay silent because ambivalence is a sensitive topic to discuss with others. Consequently, shame, isolation, and fear arise as they ask, “What is wrong with me?” The answer: nothing! Feelings of ambivalence during pregnancy are completely normal.

The Reality of Ambivalence: It's Normal“Ambivalence” is a state related to having mixed feelings about something. It can look like excitement about the baby during pregnancy while also dreading pregnancy and motherhood. You might want to have a connection to the baby but not feel a strong attachment to it yet. You might feel love for the baby while resenting its presence in your body.

Ambivalence can take many different forms at various stages throughout pregnancy. Here, I will focus on ambivalence during the first trimester and some strategies for managing it.

Understanding the Roots of Ambivalence in the First TrimesterFor better or for worse, pregnancy in humans lasts a long time. The baby growing inside you begins as an abstraction and grows into a real-life presence over time.

For the first few months of pregnancy, you are experiencing the baby as just that: an abstraction. The only tangible evidence of its presence is how it impacts your body: emotional swings, bloating, fatigue, nausea, etc.

Additionally, you are facing a long journey ahead as you anticipate getting deeper into the pregnancy, giving birth, and being a mother to an infant. You might be grieving a certain lifestyle that you are now leaving behind as a result of the pregnancy. You might be asking yourself, “How will I do this?”

The Journey Through Mixed Emotions: From Anxiety to AcceptanceMany moms-to-be experience physical discomfort and emotional uncertainty during the first trimester of pregnancy. Putting those feelings onto the baby as the source of your pain, especially when your baby has yet to become a fully formed human, is easy.

Physical and Emotional Transitions: Coping StrategiesTry your best to refocus your attention on caring for your own feelings of anxiety, grief, and discomfort. Also, allow yourself some patience as you process these feelings during the first trimester.

You are undergoing a major transition both physically and emotionally—experiencing many conflicting emotions as you confront such a change is normal. You will feel differently as your body and mind adjust to the pregnancy, and the baby becomes more of a real-life presence. For example, you might feel differently when you hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time, see imaging of the developed baby, or feel fetal movement.

The Cultural Myth of Instant Love: Reassessing Our ExpectationsOne thing to pay attention to during pregnancy is how you internalize the stories you have been told by culture and society. So often, we hear the narrative of the perfect mother as one who immediately falls in love with her baby and regards it with nothing but care and admiration. We must challenge these narratives to allow room for diversity of experience.

Breaking Down the Binary: Love and ResentmentYou are not broken if you don’t immediately fall in love with your baby. Haven’t we already eliminated the “love at first sight” story? Sometimes, love for your baby, as with most other relationships, grows over time. Just as you grow to love your spouse, for example, give yourself permission to let your love grow slowly with your baby.

Another idea that many of my clients attach to is that “I wanted this baby, so I have no right to feel ambivalent about it.” This is thinking too much in black and white. Your mind tells you, “Either you want this baby, or you don’t.” But we can’t think in black and white about human relationships—they are too complex. Intimate relationships are never 100% pure love.

The reality is that there are things about our loved ones that we love and some that we resent or even hate. To resent someone does not mean you don’t love or want them in your life. This can also apply to your pregnancy: you can love your baby but hate the way it’s making you feel. You can be excited about motherhood while dreading the lack of autonomy that comes with it. Allow room for a “both/and” perspective.

[caption id="attachment_81558" align="alignright" width="400"] Infographic by Council for Relationships[/caption]

The Spectrum of Maternal Emotions: From Previous Experiences to Present RealitiesSometimes, ambivalence during the perinatal phase comes from experience as a mother enters her second pregnancy. She might remember the physical and/or emotional pain of a previous pregnancy. She might feel dread, fear, or sadness as she imagines going through that again.

Second Time Around: Dealing with Expectations and MemoriesOn the contrary, a mother might have had an incredibly positive experience in the past and be confused or fearful of her current ambivalence. Remember that pregnancy is different every time. No two are the same, whether considering one's physical or emotional experience.

Knowing this, separating a memory from your present experience is critical. Challenge any assumptions that it will happen in the future because it happened in the past. If your experience of ambivalence is new, try to challenge the assumption that different = wrong. Just because you feel ambivalent now does not mean something is wrong; it just means that your feelings are different than you experienced before.

Opening Up: The Role of Therapy in Addressing AmbivalenceOne way I work with ambivalence during pregnancy is to get specific on the client’s fears and concerns. I commonly hear from women who feel ambivalence towards their babies, fearing that they won’t love them. Or that their internal negative feelings will impact the baby in some consequential way. If you trust your therapist, don’t be afraid to discuss these topics in therapy, no matter how “wrong” you think they are.

You are not alone in this experience—perinatal therapists have heard these stories many times before. Take care of yourself by removing isolation, fear, and shame from your ambivalence during pregnancy. Try not to judge yourself. Feelings of ambivalence during this time do not indicate who you are or will be as a mother. They only indicate the difficult transition you are experiencing, so you must show yourself some understanding.

Conclusion: Navigating Ambivalence During PregnancyAmbivalence during pregnancy is a nuanced and deeply personal experience many women face. It reflects motherhood's complex journey, marked by a spectrum of emotions ranging from joy to dread.

Understanding and accepting these feelings as normal can significantly reduce the isolation, shame, and fear often associated with them. As we navigate the unspoken aspects of pregnancy, it's crucial to challenge societal narratives, seek support, and allow ourselves the grace to experience and express the full range of our emotions.

Ultimately, recognizing the normalcy of ambivalence during pregnancy paves the way for a more compassionate and inclusive understanding of the maternal experience.

[caption id="attachment_59008" align="alignleft" width="150"] CFR Staff Therapist Sonja Spangler, LSW[/caption]

About CFR Staff Therapist Sonja Spangler, LSWSonja Spangler, LSW, is a Staff Therapist at Council for Relationships. Contact her to book a therapy appointment with Sonja if you’re facing mental health challenges, including ambivalence during pregnancy.

Sonja sees individuals, couples, and families in Philadelphia and Paoli, PA (in-person and online) and across Pennsylvania (online). She specializes in the following areas:

Depression and Anxiety
Grief, Loss, and Bereavement
Life Transitions
Women’s Issues (including postpartum depression)

Tell your family and friends to reach out to her for support.

Parenting and personal growth can go hand in hand. Let CFR’s over 85 individual, couples, and family therapy experts help you build thriving relationships and flourishing communities. See our Therapist & Psychiatrist Directory for CFR therapists or psychiatrists near you.

If this is an emergency, please dial 9-1-1.

More Mental Health BlogsDid you enjoy this blog? Our expert therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists offer much more to explore! Check out the CFR Expert Voices blog for great mental and emotional health advice and insight. To get first access to our Expert Voices blog, join our mailing list!

https://councilforrelationships.org/seasonal-affective-disorder-questions-answered/

https://councilforrelationships.org/how-to-breathe-correctly/

https://councilforrelationships.org/in-my-feelings

https://councilforrelationships.org/permission-for-pleasure/

https://councilforrelationships.org/i-have-no-excuse-to-feel-this-bad/

https://councilforrelationships.org/they-dont-tell-you-about-growing-up-blog

https://councilforrelationships.org/power-of-connection-and-community/

View Details

Embarking on a transformation journey begins with the "Seed of Change." This blog explores how embracing shifts in our lives, inspired by faith and Jesus' teachings, can lead to profound personal and spiritual growth, guiding us through darkness into the light of new beginnings.

[caption id="attachment_81316" align="alignleft" width="400"] Infographic by Council for Relationships[/caption]

The Seed of Change: Understanding Personal GrowthWhen I was a teen, I had a white lapel button about the size of a nickel with the blue letters PBPGIFWMY imprinted. I would wear the pin, and someone squinting as they looked at it, trying to make sense of the letters, would ask, "What does that mean?" I would answer, "Please be patient; God isn’t finished with me yet," as a hopeful and true saying that reminded me and the person asking that we are people in the process.

Please be patient with me because I am still trying to figure things out like you.

The Development of the Seed: Patience in Personal GrowthThinking now about that pin, I realize that the pin’s messaging has helped shape me, my theology, and my understanding of humanity and how we grow, change, and become the people God calls us to be. Those nine letters truly underscored my work as a pastor and therapist all these years.

Navigating the Process of Change with FaithThe memory of the pin – came to the forefront of my mind as I read John 12:20-33. This passage is rich and sets the scene for Christians to remember the actions of Jesus as they watch and wait with the Lord remembering the events of Holy Week. The gospel writer tells us the last week of Jesus' life was the Jewish Passover, and many people were in Jerusalem for the feast. Some “Greeks,” probably Hellenistic or Greek-speaking Jews, were in town with a request to “see Jesus.”

Even a visitor to the city soon heard about Jesus, his teachings, his miracles, the healing stories, and even the raising of a dead man, Lazarus, back to life. Everyone was discussing the man who had been dead for four days, being resuscitated and brought back to life. The name of Jesus was on the lips of the common people and the religious leaders alike. Everyone was discussing this itinerant rabbi, Jesus!

For the Gospel writer, making the pilgrimage to Jerusalem for Passover and not seeing Jesus would be like going to New York City and not seeing the Statue of Liberty.

When Jesus hears the request of these Greek-speaking Jews, he speaks of himself in the third person, "The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified."

Upon hearing those words, I tend to believe that these Greeks thought Jesus would have a coronation with the placement of a crown on his head and be made king. After all, he was so immensely popular; his name was on the lips of children, the common everyday people, and the ruling religious authorities. Could he actually be the Messiah? This was what many were wondering.

But Jesus quickly clarified the comment about his glorification and added,

"Very truly, I tell you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains just a single grain; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. Those who love their life lose it, and those who hate their life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me, and where I am, there will my servant be also. Whoever serves me, the Father will honor."

From Darkness to Eternal Life: The Role of Jesus' Life in Our TransformationJesus highlights and identifies with the natural process of planting seeds in his agricultural community and expecting a crop within time.

That single seed could yield enough to feed a village. The seed’s purpose is to change its function. The seed cannot and does not remain the hard, dry pod when placed in the ground with the proper growth conditions, namely soil nutrients, water, and oxygen. The seed, in effect, dies to what it was to become something new.

The new that emerges is different from the seed that was planted. Roots emerge to receive nutrients from the soil, followed by a shoot that grows towards the light as it develops a stem and leaves.

What we must respect about planting seeds is that we must be patient while waiting to see the tiny shoot emerge from the soil. We can’t keep probing and checking on the seed's development, as doing so would interfere with growth and may even kill the young plant.

Rather, we must trust the process, watch, and wait for the young plant to develop and emerge. Seed planting is a PBPGIFWMY phenomenon.

And so is the growth, the change in our lives. Be it chronological, waiting to be old enough to drive, vote, drink, graduate, or whatever, we must wait patiently until the right moment. Just another PBPGIFWMY phenomenon.

[caption id="attachment_81332" align="alignright" width="400"] Infographic by Council for Relationships[/caption]

The Will of God in Our Lives: Accepting and Trusting the JourneyJesus had a keen sense of time that often seemed to challenge others. For example, early in His ministry, his mother, Mary, requested that Jesus perform a miracle at a wedding. Jesus responded by saying, “My hour has not yet come” (John 2:4), so we sometimes wonder if this was just a chronological thing or if Jesus was sensing something else.

I believe that when Jesus says, My hour has not yet come, it indicates that He was working on God’s schedule and managing the pace at which people would come to understand the reality of who He was.

However, the change we desire sometimes concerns how we think or feel about things. Sometimes, we have become stuck in patterns that no longer serve us well. We are stuck in old realities that need to be examined and challenged so that we can live in the now.

I am thinking of a young woman who grew up in a verbally and emotionally abusive home as a child and learned to disassociate by getting lost in her books or by doing some other solo activity. Now, as an adult, she realized that pattern was no longer serving her and that escaping and disconnecting from difficult conversations was no longer working for her and was actually causing trouble for her with her colleagues. She needed to try new behaviors and ways of coping.

Yes, this is most definitely a PBPGIFWMY phenomenon!

The latter is what folks work for in therapy. It may take months and even years to complete the process of change, letting go of the old scripts, roles, and functions that no longer serve us and may, in fact, harm ourselves and the people we love. Often, this good change comes only with much angst, depression, and struggle. It isn't easy to let go of who we were and become who we are today.

The Gospel writer John recognizes this and shows us a deeply human Jesus endeavoring to accept God's will for his life and live into the change he wants to see. Jesus’ response reveals that he is in a dark place at this moment; his soul is troubled, or we might even say that he is depressed.

The word that the Gospel writer used to describe was tetaraktai, often translated as agitated, confused, or disturbed. Jesus intellectually knows that he must die so that all that separates humanity from God can be repaired and restored. But knowing it and doing it are two diametric things.

Folks often come into therapy wanting to think about and discuss some change in their lives—and often, there is much anxiety and uncertainty about trusting the process of growth.

Finding Light in Dark Places: The Therapeutic JourneyChristians believe that Jesus was God but that he was also fully human and experienced all the feelings, temptations, fears, and anxieties that humanity experiences.

A professor in my clinical training once said, "A therapist’s job is to help people plant and nourish seeds." At the time, this imagery resonated with me and made perfect sense because of my PBPGIFWMY understanding of life. Then a supervisor told me that sometimes events and situations happen in one’s life repeatedly as the Holy Spirit’s way of getting our attention so that we may finally address the issue.

During this holy season of self-examination and reflection, I am almost certain that you will recall moments when you have felt darkness in your soul or wondered why the same issue seems to repeat itself repeatedly. Is there something Jesus the Great Physician (therapist) can show us when our souls are troubled?

When you are troubled – or feel like you are struggling with things happening in some vulnerability cycle – it may be beneficial to turn your attention to the Lord and seek His direction. Ask yourself the following questions,

Is this a PBPGIFWMY moment where you need to practice patience, gratitude, kindness, and thanksgiving that God, the Holy Spirit, is with you, giving you all you need to be the seed that dies in the ground for new life to emerge?
Is this a time that you need a trusted and trained therapist to walk with you for a time to help you nourish the seed of change in your life?

At Council for Relationships, we have therapists who are people of diverse faith traditions who can help shine a light when you are in your dark hours when your soul is troubled, and when you're wrestling and struggling with various issues.

You're not alone in your depression. You're not alone if you have a troubled soul. Jesus knows what that's like, but in his dark hour, Jesus had questions.

That is good news because it teaches me that I can have questions and doubts in my dark hours. I can even question whether I should abandon my plans and hopes for the future. As Jesus made his way to the cross, he had some existential questions on his mind and heart, like, "Should I ask God to ‘Get Me Out’ of this dark hour?"

Because of his death and Resurrection, we know that Jesus resolved to continue his self-giving, loving mission.

Lord, I pray especially for anyone in a dark place going through something difficult. I pray that God’s light would break into the darkness and that the Lord would reveal Himself, assuring them that they are not alone.

Amen.

[caption id="attachment_72803" align="alignleft" width="150"] Rev. Dr. Dolores Littleton, LMFT[/caption]

About Rev. Dr. Dolores (Dee) LittletonDolores Littleton, DMin, LMFT, is the Director of CFR's Postgraduate Certificate Program's Clergy Track. The program enriches the skills of priests, rabbis, imams, and clergy who provide spiritual guidance and support within congregations and communities. Click here to learn about CFR's Postgraduate Certificate Program for Clergy members.

Prioritizing your mental health is essential. Let CFR’s over 85 individual, couples, and family therapy experts help you build thriving relationships and communities. See our Therapist & Psychiatrist Directory for CFR therapists or psychiatrists near you.

If this is an emergency, please dial 9-1-1.

More Blogs on Mental HealthDid this blog provide you with a moment of contemplation? Our expert therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists offer much more to explore! Check out the CFR Expert Voices blog for great mental and emotional health advice and insight. To get first access to our Expert Voices blog, join our mailing list!

https://councilforrelationships.org/womens-psychological-safety-in-the-workplace/

https://councilforrelationships.org/disenfranchised-grief

https://councilforrelationships.org/purim-and-mental-health

https://councilforrelationships.org/reflections-on-the-holocaust-and-the-war-in-ukraine

https://councilforrelationships.org/help-im-a-clergy-person-and-im-feeling-like-im-ill-equipped-to-handle-the-emotional-spiritual-and-mental-demands-of-serving-the-congregation-in-2022/

https://councilforrelationships.org/an-ode-to-cfrs-post-graduate-certificate-program/

View Details

In an era where women's psychological safety in the workplace has increasingly come to the forefront, it's crucial to shine a light on the silent battles many face daily. This blog delves into the struggles against workplace harassment and its profound impact on mental health.

Amidst Women's History Month, we underscore the importance of creating an environment where every woman feels secure and respected. From personal reflections on encountering harassment to offering tangible strategies for managing mental health aftermath, this piece serves as a beacon of hope and empowerment. It explores the psychological effects, the importance of speaking up, and the healing journey.

Join us in understanding, supporting, and advocating for a safer workplace for all women, where their well-being is prioritized and their voices are amplified. Together, let's navigate through the challenges and champion the cause of psychological safety, ensuring a more inclusive and supportive work environment for everyone.

[caption id="attachment_80209" align="alignleft" width="400"] Infographic by Council for Relationships[/caption]

The Impact of Workplace Harassment on Mental HealthI'm extremely passionate about women's safety in the workplace. Of course, I want everyone to feel safe in the workplace, but highlighting women’s safety is extremely important for Women's History Month.

Understanding the Psychological EffectsYou never think it will happen to you until it does, and then what do you do from there? Do you talk to your friends? Do you quit the job you enjoy so much? Do you report it? Or do you hope it just stops one day?

These are all the questions that ran through my mind as a young woman. You tend to ask yourself different questions, such as, what could I have done differently? Or you might downplay your experience and talk yourself out of your feelings.

What I am certain of is that it affects your mental health in different ways, big or small. Women's experiences of sexual harassment are associated with "reductions in their professional, psychological, and physical health.”

Taking care of yourself throughout this process is extremely important.

Practical Tips for Managing Your Mental Health After Experiencing Workplace HarassmentHere are a few tips for managing your mental health if you or someone you know experiences an unsafe workplace.

Speak Up and Share Your StoryFirst, it is important to speak up. Naming what happened and telling someone you trust is very important. Telling your story gives you power and helps you process the situation. It removes the power from the abuser instead of keeping it a secret. Talking about it with a trusted person, a friend, parent, family member, or therapist can help process this on different levels.

Practice Positive Self-TalkNext, practice positive self-talk and remind yourself that it isn’t your fault. During stressful times, we tend to look inward and question ourselves about what we could have done differently to prevent the harassment from taking place. Was I too friendly? How did I play a role in this? Reminding yourself that it wasn’t your fault and surrounding yourself with people who boost you up and support you throughout this process is important. Knowing that you don’t have to face it alone can provide you with some relief.

Identify and Acknowledge Your TriggersAlso important is remembering to acknowledge your triggers. Going throughout your daily life and something that brings you back to that environment or reminds you of that person can be quite challenging. Having nightmares or flashbacks can also be unsettling and can cause distress. Processing this with a therapist can be crucial. Reminding yourself that you are safe and practicing grounding techniques are crucial during this process. Starting with your feet on the ground and working your way up through your body, getting in touch with yourself and your safety can help you feel grounded.

Allow Time for HealingLastly, allow yourself time and space to heal. Processing this situation can take time and be quite difficult. It can be painful, and there is likely shame or embarrassment surrounding how long it might take. This healing process is not linear, and it is okay to have good and bad days.

Conclusion: Empowering Women's Psychological Safety in the Workplace is a Non-NegotiableWe create a safe work environment by fostering a culture of respect and understanding. The journey towards healing and resilience after experiencing workplace harassment is deeply personal and varied. By sharing stories, practicing positive self-talk, identifying triggers, and allowing time for healing, we can support one another in navigating these challenging waters.

Remember, prioritizing women's psychological safety isn't just about individual well-being; it's about building stronger, more compassionate workplaces where everyone can thrive. This conversation is a step towards dismantling the structures that perpetuate harassment and towards a future where respect, dignity, and safety are the bedrock of every professional environment.

Let us all commit to being allies, advocates, and active participants in this vital movement. Together, we can make a difference and ensure every woman's workplace is safe and empowering. Your voice matters, your experiences are valid, and your psychological safety is non-negotiable.

I hope you know that your voice is important and that you are believed. #metoo

[caption id="attachment_74100" align="alignright" width="150"] Therapist Meghan Rydzewski, MFT[/caption]

About Marriage & Family Therapist Meghan RydzewskiMeghan Rydzewski, MFT, is a Staff Therapist at Council for Relationships who specializes in, among other areas, LGBTQ+ issues, trauma, and women's issues. Contact her to book a therapy appointment.

Meghan sees individuals, couples, and families virtually and in person in Pennsylvania and New Jersey. Tell your family and friends to reach out to her for support.

If this is an emergency, please dial 9-1-1.

More Blogs on Mental HealthDid you enjoy this blog? Our expert therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists offer much more to explore! Check out the CFR Expert Voices blog for great mental and emotional health advice and insight. To get first access to our Expert Voices blog, join our mailing list!

https://councilforrelationships.org/identity-shift-in-motherhood-navigating-new-challenges-rediscovering-yourself/

https://councilforrelationships.org/what-does-it-mean-to-set-boundaries-in-a-relationship/

https://councilforrelationships.org/taking-care-of-yourself-or-a-loved-one-after-a-breast-cancer-diagnosis/

https://councilforrelationships.org/Baby-Blues-Post-Partum-Depression/

View Details

Embarking on the journey of motherhood introduces a profound "identity shift in motherhood" that many are unprepared for. This transformative phase brings various challenges, from the loss of personal identity to the struggle to find joy amidst the chaos of parenting.

This blog delves into the heart of these experiences, offering insights and practical advice for new mothers grappling with their changed identities. CFR Staff Therast Sonja Spangler, LSW, explores ways to reclaim your sense of self, prioritize self-care, and reconnect with the world beyond your children. Join Sonja and CFR in discovering how to navigate the complex emotions of motherhood while fostering personal growth and happiness.

[caption id="attachment_79928" align="alignleft" width="400"] Infographic by Council for Relationships[/caption]

The Emotional Rollercoaster of New Motherhood: New Mother ChallengesDiapers, feeding schedules, sleepless nights.

Doctor’s appointments, tantrums, potty accidents.

School projects, soccer games, sibling rivalry.

These are common new mother challenges. Honestly, there is so much you must manage as a mother that getting lost in the chaos and the to-do list is easy.

So many of my clients have discussed the moment in time when they woke up and said, “This is not what I pictured.”

The Grief of Lost IdentityThe responsibilities of motherhood can feel just plain boring, with no time for fun or spontaneity. But many new mothers also report a feeling of emptiness—a loss of identity.

Suddenly, all other parts of a person’s identity have melted away to become “mom.” So, let's discuss motherhood and identity loss.

Motherhood and Identity: Beyond Just Being "Mom"Becoming a mother is indeed an extraordinary life change, and finding yourself as a new mom can feel daunting. Of course, your identity as a whole will be irrevocably shifted. And, as with every big life change, there will be grief. Yes, you have likely lost some parts of a past version of yourself.

That’s not to say that you can’t build something new from here.

Motherhood and GriefSeeing the shift in identity as just that—a shift—is important. The birth of your first child marks a significant transition in the way you engage with the world. You are now engaging with the world as a mother.

You can grieve the losses involved with motherhood while also intentionally building other parts of yourself.

In the chaos of motherhood, it can be hard to create the time and space to be intentional. So, here are some ideas to help guide you.

Motherhood Self-care is Best-careMy supervisor once described people and places outside the home as “mirrors”—things to help you reflect yourself back to yourself. The more people and spaces you engage with, the more you see yourself through different lenses. This helps you connect to different parts of your identity you don’t see when sitting alone at home.

When you become a mother, you become disconnected from the “mirrors” outside your children, reminding you that you are their mom. So, finding opportunities to engage with people and places outside the home becomes important.

Finding Joy and Spontaneity in the Chaos of ParentingIn motherhood, many yearn for the days filled with personal hobbies and freedoms. This section explores innovative strategies for reclaiming those cherished moments of self-expression and joy that seem to have slipped away with the arrival of your little ones.

Creative Ways to Recapture Lost PleasuresIf your only opportunity for outside engagement is taking the kids to storytime or playdates, you might be more intentional with how you engage in those spaces: introduce yourself with your name rather than “so-and-so’s mom,” or speak to the other parents about what they did over the weekend rather than discussing your children.

When you engage in these conversations, pay attention to what you notice being reflected back to you.

One thing that can be easy to do when you experience a loss of identity in motherhood is to name the things that you miss: going out dancing, sleeping in on the weekends, reading a book, putting on makeup, and a nice outfit.

Maybe there are some things you can do to help you get those back – picking out an outfit the night before, for example, or finding childcare once a month on Saturday mornings.

But if that doesn’t feel possible, ask yourself:

What was the pleasure of that experience for me?
Was it the self-expression?
The fun?
The feeling of being beautiful?

Then, think about how you might recreate the essence of those grieved experiences.

Maybe you turn off the Frozen soundtrack and put on something you used to vibe to when you were still going out dancing. Or perhaps you put on your iconic shade of lipstick in the mornings, even if you have nowhere to be.

[caption id="attachment_79930" align="alignright" width="400"] Infographic by Council for Relationships[/caption]

Reconnecting with Your Values and Strengths - Self-Identity Exercises for MothersAn exercise I like to do with all my clients, especially those questioning their identity, is identifying their strengths and values.

Identifying Your Motherhood Strengths and ValuesKnowing what you value can be incredibly important in guiding your actions.

Identify the 5 values most important to you and ask yourself if you align with them. If not, what actions can you take to bring yourself closer to your values? You can start small and take it one step at a time.

Knowing your strengths, too, is an invaluable resource in helping you get there. As a parent, external resources like time and money can feel sparse. So, draw upon what you already have internally.

Identify your top 5 strengths and use them to help you achieve your goals. Let’s say “intimacy” is a value from which you feel disconnected, and “creativity” is one of your top strengths. Create the prompt: How can I use my creativity to achieve greater intimacy?

Questioning Motherhood Narratives and MythsAlways question your beliefs and narratives about motherhood.

Breaking Free from Restrictive BeliefsThe idea that to be a good mother you must completely give yourself to your children is a myth.

You have to find what works for you and be flexible. Putting your needs first sometimes is okay. Do what you must to take care of yourself—and you don’t have to engage in self-care to be a better mother for your kids. Do it to be better for YOU!

ConclusionThe journey through the "identity shift in motherhood" is both challenging and rewarding. Embracing this new phase of life requires patience, self-love, and, often, a helping hand. Remember, seeking support as you navigate these changes is okay.

If you find yourself struggling to reconcile your past and present selves or if the journey seems overwhelming, consider seeking professional guidance. Requesting an appointment with a CFR therapist can be a valuable step towards rediscovering your identity and achieving a fulfilling balance in motherhood.

You're not alone on this journey, and help is available.

[caption id="attachment_59008" align="alignleft" width="150"] CFR Staff Therapist Sonja Spangler, LSW[/caption]

About the AuthorSonja Spangler, LSW, is a Staff Therapist at Council for Relationships. Contact her to book a therapy appointment with Sonja if you’re facing mental health challenges, including the challenges of identity shift in motherhood.

Sonja sees individuals, couples, and families in Philadelphia and Paoli, PA (in-person and online) and across Pennsylvania (online). She specializes in the following areas:

Depression and Anxiety
Grief, Loss, and Bereavement
Life Transitions
Self-Discovery/Self-Analysis
Women's Issues (including postpartum depression)

Tell your family and friends to reach out to her for support.

Parenting and personal growth can go hand in hand. Let CFR's over 85 individual, couples, and family therapy experts help you build thriving relationships and flourishing communities. See our Therapist & Psychiatrist Directory for CFR therapists or psychiatrists near you.

If this is an emergency, please dial 9-1-1.

More from CFRDid you enjoy this blog? Our expert therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists offer much more to explore! Check out the CFR Expert Voices blog for great mental and emotional health advice and insight. To get first access to our Expert Voices blog, join our mailing list!

https://councilforrelationships.org/featured-therapist-for-april-sonja-spangler/

https://councilforrelationships.org/navigating-self-care-in-the-age-of-social-media/

https://councilforrelationships.org/signs-of-teen-dating-violence/

View Details

This blog delves into the evolution of social networks, the challenges and opportunities they present, and practical strategies for fostering self-care and compassion in our digital interactions. It aims to offer insights into maintaining a healthy equilibrium between our digital personas and real-life selves, emphasizing the significance of authentic connections. We invite you to continue reading to learn more about navigating self-care in the age of social media. We also invite you to share your own tips and insights with us on CFR's Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn pages!

[caption id="attachment_79333" align="alignleft" width="400"] Infographic by Council for Relationships.[/caption]

Introduction: Navigating Self-Care in the Age of Social MediaIn today’s digital landscape, social media has dramatically reshaped the way we think about self-compassion and self-care.

With the rise of social media platforms like those under Meta Platforms Inc., which boasts billions of monthly active users across Instagram, WhatsApp, and Facebook, our ability to connect with vast online communities over shared interests has never been easier.

However, the research by figures such as Robert E. Kraut highlights the dual nature of these platforms, showing both the potential for positive social engagement and the risks to our mental health.

The Evolution of Social PlatformsMeta Platforms Inc.'s remarkable growth illustrates social media's profound impact in the modern era. The transition from Facebook, the first social networking platform to exceed one billion registered accounts, to the dynamic realm of video-sharing platforms has transformed how we share and consume content.

The Rise of Meta Platforms Inc. and Billion Monthly Active UsersStatisa.com reports that Meta now operates four of the most popular social media platforms, each with a billion monthly active users, contributing to a user base that spans the globe. In the United States alone, there are 100 million Facebook users.

This massive engagement underscores the role of social networks in fostering online communities where real-time sharing of photos and videos creates vibrant, interactive spaces.

The Emergence of Video Content and Real-Time SharingInstagram Reels and platforms like TikTok have used video content to revolutionize how we connect, allowing users to instantly share their lives and passions. This shift towards video-sharing platforms has empowered communities, like those passionate about health and fitness, to rally around shared interests and experiences.

From a personal standpoint, Instagram Reels has, by and large, opened my eyes to the fact that many African American women are just as passionate about health and fitness as I am. Too often, we can feel like we are the exceptions for a lifestyle or particular interest when, in actuality, an entire community is just waiting to share their ideas and feedback...and they use video content and real-time sharing to do it.

For example, one of my first fitness heroes is former track and field athlete and personal trainer Ashley Joi. With her combination of weightlifting and psychology, Joi uses video content on Instagram to empower others to push past their physical and mental limits.

[caption id="attachment_79334" align="alignright" width="400"] Infographic by Council for Relationships.[/caption]

The Psychological Impact of Social Networks on Well-beingRobert E. Kraut’s research provides invaluable insights into the psychological effects of internet use, especially as we navigate the complexities of social interactions and mental health in the social media age.

Understanding Robert E. Kraut's Research on Social EnvironmentsWhile we plug away at our devices, potentially not noticing what changes are happening inwardly to us, inquiring minds like Social Psychologist Robert E. Kraut have been plugging away, studying the complexities of this phenomenon.

As early as the late 1990s, Kraut studied internet usage and its impacts on social relationships and participation in community life.

Kraut’s findings, significant even before the widespread adoption of social networks, indicate a link between increased internet activity and feelings of depression and loneliness, highlighting the importance of mindful engagement with social media platforms.

The Double-Edged Sword of Monthly Active Users and Shared InformationWhile social media offers an easy way to stay connected, its pervasive use among young people can lead to issues like reduced face-to-face communication and self-esteem problems, especially when individuals compare themselves to the seemingly perfect lives of others online.

Sometimes, we may not even realize we are starting to doubt or think down on ourselves until we have begun isolating or, even worse, really sinking into depressed feelings.

Practical Tips for Navigating the Social Media LandscapeThe blurring of public and private lives online underscores the need for strategies that support a balanced approach to social media use and ensure it contributes positively to our social environment.

Balancing Public and Private: Choosing How to Look a Certain Way OnlineAdopting healthy habits, such as engaging in offline activities that boost self-esteem, can help mitigate the pressure to always "look a certain way" online, fostering a more supportive and authentic space for self-expression.

Incorporating Healthy Habits: From Instant Messages to Real-Life ConnectionsMindfulness in our digital interactions, from considering the intent behind our posts to choosing meaningful conversations over instant messages, is crucial. Engaging thoughtfully with user-generated content and supporting our online and offline communities can enhance our well-being and the well-being of others.

Here are a few tips to be mindful of when engaging in social media:

When sharing your views or thoughts with others, ask yourself, "Am I being supported or ridiculed?" Your thoughts, feelings, and how you partake in self-expression matters! No one has the right to bully you.
If you find yourself doing things you would not ordinarily do to fit in or look a certain way, take a step back and ask yourself if this desire comes from a place of negative self-talk.
Not everyone deserves to hear your feelings or experience the privilege of your vulnerability, so share your thoughts with someone you trust and consider a source of support. Remember, social media is great, but you are even greater!

Conclusion: Embracing Self-Care in the Digital AgeThe digital age, marked by the unprecedented growth of social media platforms, offers unique opportunities for connection and challenges to our mental health. Through the insights of researchers like Robert E. Kraut and the experiences shared within online communities, we see the importance of self-care and compassion in navigating the social media landscape.

For those seeking a balanced relationship with social media, guidance from mental health professionals like those at Council for Relationships can support adopting healthy digital habits. Connect with us to discover how we can help you maintain your well-being in this digital age and ensure that social media remains a positive aspect of your social environment.

About the AuthorBianca Williams, MFT, is a Staff Therapist at Council for Relationships.

Let's validate that navigating self-care in the age of social media is tough. CFR Clinicians like Bianca are here to help! Contact her to book a therapy appointment with Bianca if you’re facing mental health challenges.

Bianca sees individuals, couples, and families in Philadelphia (in-person and online) and across Pennsylvania (online). She specializes in the following areas:

Anger Management
Communication
Depression and Anxiety
Grief, Loss, and Bereavement
Life Transitions
Men's Issues
Relationship Issues
Self-Discovery/Self-Analysis
Stress
Trauma
Women's Issues
Work/Life Balance

Tell your friends and family members to reach out to her for support.

Your mental (and physical) health is important to us. If you are looking for individual, couples, or family therapy or psychiatry services, see our Therapist & Psychiatrist Directory for CFR therapists or psychiatrists near you.

If this is an emergency, dial 9-1-1.

View Details

CFR is happy to have Dr. Jennifer Trinh, a psychiatrist and therapist from Philadelphia, as a valuable team member.

In this blog, Dr. Trinh discusses her medical and psychiatric training journey, emphasizing the role of cultural empathy in effective therapy. With a background from Temple University and the University of Maryland Medical Center, Dr. Trinh's psychiatric and therapeutic approaches are deeply rooted in understanding and connecting with patients and clients across cultural boundaries.

Dr. Trinh explains the importance of personalized mental health goals and collaborative therapy plans that incorporate psychotherapy and medication management. She advocates for a therapeutic process that respects and understands diverse backgrounds, emphasizing that therapy's meaningful work involves time, commitment, and openness to change.

Finally, Dr. Trinh underscores the transformative power of culturally empathetic therapy in fostering deeper self-understanding and emotional well-being.

[caption id="attachment_78273" align="alignleft" width="300"] Infographic by Council for Relationships[/caption]

My Mental Health Education Emphasized Cultural Empathy in TherapyI completed medical school and a general psychiatry residency at Temple University. After, I finished training in child and adolescent psychiatry at the University of Maryland Medical Center/Sheppard Pratt Health System in Baltimore.

CFR's strong mission and dedication to providing high-quality care with a focus on mental health education and service via CFR's community programs attracted me. I was excited and grateful to join a group of empathetic, passionate, and talented individuals.

I have always loved how books, music, and film can tap into raw, shared human emotions across nations, cultures, and languages. By enjoying and talking about art, we can relate to characters, other fans, and the creators and learn more about ourselves. Everyone has at least one beloved song, book, or movie/TV show that resonates well with them and can evoke joy, even on an overcast, not-so-great day.

Psychiatry & Therapy for Diverse EmotionsThe first session with me is more structured than a follow-up session, consisting of many questions to gather a detailed history. I find it helpful to start with open-ended questions to let patients direct the conversation and tell me their stories. Then, I follow up with specific questions to get a comprehensive initial picture.

Setting mental health goals in collaboration with you is critical to my efforts to improve your mental health. I collaborate with my patients to establish personalized treatment plans and objectives. I work alongside various healthcare professionals, such as therapists, Primary Care Physicians, and specialists, to guarantee alignment in our approach to patient care.

Mental Health Goals & Mental Well-Being Support: My Therapeutic ApproachesPeople enter therapy with various goals that often evolve, get replaced, or expand throughout their treatment. At the heart of these varied goals is a common desire to know and understand oneself profoundly.

Whether you're struggling with depression and anxiety or any other mental health condition, my role in therapy is to support, guide, and sometimes challenge my patients to help them progress in their goals while maintaining a warm and safe space. For example, I offer psychotherapy (with or without medication management) and medication management only (for example, if someone already has a therapist).

I offer therapy with or without medication management, so if you already have a therapist, I can provide you with exclusive medication management.

Advice for Someone Hesitant about Starting TherapyThe decision to start therapy can certainly be daunting and overwhelming.

My advice is to take your time finding a good therapist. It may take several tries. Think about how they present themselves and approach questions you may have. Are they listening and observing closely, or do they seem distracted?

It is important to keep an open mind. A prior unfulfilling experience does not mean therapy “doesn’t work” for you. Maybe you and the therapist didn't work well together, or life circumstances made it hard to participate fully in therapy.

Meaningful work in therapy is a commitment with time and vulnerability, but it is an empowering investment in yourself that can completely change your life.

[caption id="attachment_75292" align="alignright" width="150"] Philadelphia Psychiatrist and Therapist Dr. Jennifer Trinh[/caption]

Philadelphia psychiatrist and therapist Dr. Trinh is accepting new clients. Want to book an appointment with a CFR mental health professional?Philadelphia psychiatrist and therapist Dr. Jennifer Trinh accepts new clients online and in person. Contact Dr. Trinh if you have questions about mental health issues or want to request an appointment.

CFR has been a visionary in mental health care since 1932. CFR Staff Therapists and Psychiatrists offer over 20 different therapy types, including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Eye Movement Desensitization Therapy (EMDR). If you or your family members are experiencing mental health problems, see our Therapist & Psychologist Directory to find a therapist or psychiatrist near you.

More from CFRDo you want to know more about topics such as the hidden value of support groups, ways to spend time with your thought patterns to change those patterns, or how different psychodynamic therapies treat mental illnesses? Then you've come to the right place!

Follow CFR on social media and explore more from our expert therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists. Check out the CFR Expert Voices blog for great mental health advice and insights on emotional and behavioral issues. And don't forget to sign up for our Expert Voices mailing list to be the first to know when new Expert Voices blogs are published.

https://councilforrelationships.org/philadelphia-therapist-embraces-spirituality-in-counseling/

https://councilforrelationships.org/art-therapist-bethanne-frazer-an-invitation-to-collaborate/

https://councilforrelationships.org/marriage-and-family-therapist-in-philadelphia-aspires-to-empower/

View Details

Finding a Philadelphia therapist accepting new clients can be difficult. CFR is proud to have Staff Therapist Joanne Gonzales, MFT, as a member of our organization. Joanne sees patients virtually or in person and is currently accepting new clients.

Continue reading to learn more about Joanne's therapeutic approaches, goals, and training.

[caption id="attachment_74037" align="alignleft" width="260"] Joanne Gonzales, MFT, (pictured here) sees clients virtually and at CFR's Center City Philadelphia office.[/caption]

Joanne's journey to becoming a therapist I did my undergrad work in psychology and completed my graduate degree in Marriage and Family Therapy (MFT) with a Sex Therapy focus at Thomas Jefferson University. I chose this program specifically because it was a training in sex therapy practices, and its close relationship with CFR, and the opportunity to have my internship with an organization that works so closely with their community. I loved the idea of developing my skills alongside my cohort where I could be challenged and learn who I wanted to be as a clinician.

Guess what? Therapists do not have all the answers...and that is okay. I always wanted to be one of those people who grew up knowing exactly what they wanted to do with their lives. And because I did not have that answer, I felt like I was missing something. It took a lot of reflection and work with my therapist to realize that I am not meant to have all the answers and that perhaps my purpose in this world is to be present, to experience life, and to make connections with those around me. I think that is how I landed here, with a therapy degree working with CFR. I was that person who wanted a therapist to tell me what I needed to do and how to live my life the right way....only she told me that there was no quick fix that made it all easier and that I needed to look inward and figure out the life I wanted to live versus the one I was only existing in. Words I hated at the time, but damn if she was not right! So I get feeling lost, unsure, and scared to start therapy, and to have someone reflect all of one's insecurities. It is not easy. It will be incredibly hard at some points. But from someone who has been where you are at, I say: give it a go!

What you can expect in your first session with Joanne A first session can be hard for a lot of people, especially if it is your first time, so I want it to be a conversation between two people looking to collaborate. I might ask you what brought you to therapy and why you are coming now versus earlier. Ultimately I want to get to know who you are, what you choose to do in your life, and what makes you you.

The goal of therapy is to help you feel comfortable in your skin and to gain control over your emotions, especially during times of high stress. Life is easy when your brain is firing on all cylinders, but if you are stuck in a cycle of distress or dysregulation, it can sometimes be overwhelming to just exist in this world. I want to bring you back to you and that might include increasing your self-awareness, forming or reinforcing boundaries, linking patterns of behavior between past and present, addressing past traumas, etc. Therapy goals are unique to every client and I trust you to identify your own goals. I want to offer support in helping you craft your narrative(s) while providing a safe, therapeutic space for your authentic selves(s) to explore and heal.

Are you struggling with the decision to request a therapy appointment? Starting anything new is scary. But, anything worth doing is going to be a little difficult at first. You are leaving your comfort zone...you are going to be uncomfortable. The question is whether that discomfort is worth it. Also, do not stress over finding the right therapist the first time: see if they offer free consultations. Not every therapist is for everybody, and that is okay. So shop around, test the waters, and find the therapist that makes sense for you.

CFR therapists are accepting new clients. Ready to book an appointment with a psychiatrist or therapist? Questions about session costs? Joanne Gonzales, MFT, is a Philadelphia therapist accepting new online or in-person clients. Click here to request an appointment.

See our Therapist & Psychologist Directory to find a different CFR therapist or psychiatrist near you.

More from CFR https://councilforrelationships.org/philadelphia-therapist-accepting-new-clients-amy-leonard-msw/

https://councilforrelationships.org/philadelphia-psychiatrist-accepting-new-patients-dr-michael-antzis/

https://councilforrelationships.org/couples-conflict-resolution/

View Details

September is National Suicide Prevention Month. Here are 6 alarming statistics on suicide and 4 truths on suicide risk factors, suicide warning signs, and hope (yes, hope) for a total of 10 facts about suicide you need to know about right now.

[caption id="attachment_73943" align="alignleft" width="300"] The CDC named Mandy K. Cohen (pictured here) as Director in July 2023.[/caption]

6 Facts about Suicide in the United States in 2023 1. According to the United States Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), nearly 50,000 individuals died by suicide last year, and in 2021, over 12 million adults had suicidal thoughts. 2. In recent years, men have comprised nearly 80% of suicide deaths. 3. While suicide affects every age category, those over 85 years of age have the highest suicide rate. 4. Importantly, the suicide rate has been trending upward in the United State over the last 20 years. 5. For non-Hispanic Black people, age-adjusted suicide rates increased 53% from 2007 through 2020. 6. A firearm is involved in over half of suicides.

Read on for the final 4 of our 10 facts about suicide that you need to know right now.

[caption id="attachment_73944" align="alignright" width="270"] Image courtesy of La Crosse Area Suicide Prevention Initiative.[/caption]

4 Facts about Suicide Risk Factors, Suicide Warning Signs, & Hope 1. A number of factors can increase one’s risk of suicide. These factors include: Substance use, history of mental illness, personal history of suicide attempts, family history of suicide, ownership of a firearm, life stresses like career or relationship difficulties, chronic illness, history of impulsivity, history of childhood trauma, poor healthcare access, isolation from others. 2. Given the increase in suicide rates in recent years, it is especially important to recognize suicide warning signs. These signs may include: talking about suicide or feeling trapped, talking about how others might be better off if one didn’t exist, withdrawing from others, experiencing increased anxiety, hopelessness, or irritability, experiencing changes to one’s sleeping or eating patterns, engaging in substance use, developing a suicide plan, acquiring or trying to acquire lethal means to end one’s life, making arrangements for one’s death (like writing a suicide note, making a will, or purchasing life insurance). 3. A number of factors have been shown to reduce the risk of suicide. These include: establishing care with a mental health professional, developing an understanding of psychiatric emergency resources, developing coping skills to deal with life’s stresses, strengthening relationships with friends and family, getting rid of lethal means to harm oneself (by participating in a firearm buyback event, for example), or reducing or stopping substance use. 4. Those having thoughts of self-harm or suicide should seek help immediately by calling 911 or by going to the nearest emergency room or crisis response center. Another resource is the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, which can be accessed by calling 988. Additional resources include the Trans Lifeline, Call Blackline, and The Trevor Project.

Taking steps to get help can save a life.

If after learning about these 10 facts about suicide, you suspect you or someone you love is struggling with suicidal thoughts, depression, or other mental health concerns, CFR is here to help. CFR therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists are accepting new clients, and we offer low-fee therapy options for those facing financial hardships. Request an appointment today.

[caption id="attachment_73934" align="alignleft" width="150"] Dr. Michael Antzis (pictured here).[/caption]

About the Author Dr. Michael Antzis is a Philadelphia Staff Psychiatrist at the Council for Relationships. If you have questions about this article's 10 facts about suicide or about Dr. Antzis's availability to see new patients, go here.

See our Therapist & Psychiatrist Directory to find a different CFR therapist or psychiatrist near you.

More from CFR on Suicide https://councilforrelationships.org/tips-for-schools-to-support-suicidal-teens-in-2023/

https://councilforrelationships.org/hope-healing-loss-suicide/

https://councilforrelationships.org/september-10th-is-world-suicide-prevention-day/

View Details

If you are reading this, there is a chance you are also holding your breath or your breath is shallow. You are not unique, unfortunately. Most of us are not breathing correctly, especially when we are looking at a screen. CFR Staff Therapist and CPI Specialist Mike Butera discusses the following in this article:

Reflections on The New York Times article, "Checking Email? You're Probably Not Breathing"
Provides three additional tips so that you can breathe correctly
Channels his inner Dory...and encourages you to as well.

Read on to learn more about how to breathe correctly.

[caption id="attachment_73854" align="alignleft" width="300"] Former Microsoft executive, Linda Stone (pictured here), coined the term "email apnea" in a 2008 article for the Huffington Post.[/caption]

Many of us are not breathing properly. Is screen apnea to blame?Breathing is a life force that we seldom think about because this process is often automatically triggered by the changes in our nervous system states. Former Microsoft executive, Linda Stone, coined the term “screen apnea” which occurs when our breathing becomes dysregulated by the stress effects of being active on screens while emailing and texting. Similar to Linda, I have discovered that my own ritualistic mindful practices are not enough to keep me calm and relaxed in this world of stimulation. While living in a society where screens and work stress are almost unavoidable, I believe it is critical that we periodically find ways to regulate ourselves back to a state of relaxation through conscious breathing practices.

As I began the task of reviewing and reflecting on The New York Times article “Checking Email? You’re Probably Not Breathing”, I quickly noticed my own nervous system becoming mobilized with an immediate deep inhale and release of a sigh. Right on point, I was holding my breath while turning to initiate a plan of action for writing this piece. This reaction was a combination of being brought back to moments of work stress in a past life and a healthy stress response from having focused attention.

Prior to my new career as a therapist, I was working in an office job with multiple streams of electronic communication including a constant flux of email and instant messaging traffic. The question “Did you see my message?” was frequently asked on an hourly basis. I remember the added stress that this put on my body on top of the planned work tasks. As a result, I developed habits of self-care while being in a persistently stimulating situation that I didn’t have control over.

[caption id="attachment_73855" align="alignright" width="224"] We do not recommend checking your email while running. But we do recommend following this how to breathe when running tip sheet put together by HCMC Marathon.[/caption]

Tips for how to breathe correctlyThe NY Times article lists the following three tips for better breathing habits:

Setting periodic alerts to check in and consciously reset your breathing patterns
Broadening your field of view by using larger screens
Taking intentional screen breaks with relaxing body movement

I’ve employed all of these tactics to give my mind and body a break from the inevitable nervous system mobilization of working. In addition, I use the following specific types of breathing techniques to help reduce the negative effects of chronic stress. These exercises may need to be executed several times before you feel the effects of nervous system downregulation.

Breathing Technique #1: Physiological SighThe physiological sigh is the quickest and easiest breathing technique to get your body back to a relaxed state. It can be accomplished by simply taking two sharp inhales through the nose and giving an extended exhale through the mouth. This process mimics our body's natural sighing function.

Breathing Technique #2: Belly BreathingBelly breathing involves slowly inhaling while feeling your stomach pressing into your hand while attempting to keep your upper chest as still as possible. As you exhale through pursed lips, tighten your abdominal muscles bringing your stomach toward your spine.

Breathing Technique #3: Box BreathingBox breathing is a timed technique of cyclic breathing with visualizing a box, or square. For example, you can focus on creating a square by inhaling through your nose as you slowly count to four, holding your breath for a count of four, exhaling for a count of four, and finally, holding your breath again for a count of four. To further this practice, you can play with the timing of breaths and visualize creating a box out of six-breath cycles.

[caption id="attachment_73856" align="alignleft" width="300"] As certified life coach Dory (pictured here) reminds us, just keep swimming. And if you're not a fish, just keep breathing.[/caption]

Just keep breathing (correctly).Our focus needs to be on discerning the moments experiencing healthy stress transitions into chronic stress while putting our ability to control our breath into practice. It’s important to accept that our bodies naturally fluctuate between states of stress and relaxation throughout the day. We have a universal stress mechanism as part of our biology that allows us to move our bodies through life experiences. Without the ability of the nervous system to shift us into drive, we would stay parked on the couch.

[caption id="attachment_73857" align="alignright" width="260"] Staff Therapist Mike Butera (pictured here) helps his clients learn how to breathe correctly.[/caption]

About the AuthorMike Butera, MFT, is a Philadelphia therapist and CFR's Community Partnerships Initiative Specialist. If you have questions about how to breathe correctly, this article, or Mike's practice, you may reach him at mbutera@councilforrelationships.org or 215-770-2334 ext. 4346.

CFR offers therapy and psychiatry services on a slide-fee scale. See our Therapist & Psychologist Directory to find a CFR therapist or psychiatrist near you.

More from CFRhttps://councilforrelationships.org/take-a-breath/

https://councilforrelationships.org/navigating-difficult-family-dynamics-holidays/

View Details

August 17 is National Nonprofit Day, and having been a nonprofit organization since 1932, we feel as if every day is National Nonprofit Day (spoiler alert: every day is, in fact, not National Nonprofit Day). To recognize the importance of nonprofits in our communities, we asked Council for Relationships (CFR) Administrative Specialist, Anusha Ramdeen, about why she chose to work for Council for Relationships. Read on to learn more about Anusha's journey to working for a nonprofit organization.

[caption id="attachment_73771" align="alignleft" width="300"] Formed in 1850, the Franklin Health Assurance Company of Massachusetts was the first insurance company in the U.S. to offer accident and health insurance.[/caption]

From For-profit to Nonprofit Like many other individuals, the pandemic was one of the most difficult times in my life. Not being able to function normally in society affected many people’s mental health, including my own. Many people lost their jobs, their homes, and even the lives of friends and family members. In disruptive times such as these, adequate mental health care can make all the difference. However, seeking mental health care has been too difficult a challenge for many because of a lack of resources available to those who need it.

While employed as a Health Plan Health Assistant dealing with insurance at a third-party logistical company, I was exposed to the reality of the outrageous cost of care for individuals seeking mental health and medical care. This role pushed me to want to see improvement within the medical and mental health systems.

This is where Council for Relationships caught my interest.

[caption id="attachment_73772" align="alignright" width="300"] President Harry S. Truman (pictured here) was the first U.S. President to propose a public health insurance option in 1945. The bill ultimately failed to pass.[/caption]

Working at a Nonprofit While I was job hunting, I had only one thing in mind - to find an organization I could fully resonate with and feel confident in its purpose. In particular, CFR's fee-for-service stood out to me. I believe it is important that everyone has access to mental health care, regardless of financial circumstances. To me, this is essential to living the healthiest and happiest life possible. In the times that we live in, no one should have to worry about how they will initiate seeking care, or how they will afford it.

I can personally say there have been times when I was unable to afford health insurance. Being a young individual who is completely on their own without support has not been the easiest. There have been times when I could have used mental health/medical treatment but decided against it for fear of the impending bills I knew that I would receive. Having learned about fee-for-service organizations like CFR changed everything for me. It piqued my interest and made me pursue the Administrative Specialist role with CFR. I was excited to learn about what goes on behind the scenes during day-to-day operations in an organization like CFR.

[caption id="attachment_73773" align="alignleft" width="225"] Rep. Patrick Kennedy (pictured here) of Rhode Island was a leading voice in U.S. Congress from 1995-2011 for increased access to mental health care.[/caption]

A Nonprofit Changing Mental Health Care Imagine a healthcare model where all medical care and mental healthcare facilities were fee-for-service, while also accepting traditional patients/clients with insurance as well. Those without insurance are often unable to keep up with the medical bills and at certain times may not seek care when they need it the most. Incorporating the fee-for-service model universally across the healthcare system would increase the chance that patients & clients receive the care they need, perhaps even saving their lives.

My dream is to one day combine both medical care and mental health care under one entity that follows the fee-for-service model and ensures everyone has access to the care they need most. If my childhood self could see me right now, she would be so incredibly proud. When you are on the right path you can just feel it, and I am beyond excited to connect with like-minded individuals who share the same passions and vision for affordable health care.

[caption id="attachment_73708" align="alignright" width="286"] Anusha Ramdeen (pictured here) joined CFR as an Administrative Specialist in 2023.[/caption]

About the Author Anusha Ramdeen is the Administrative Specialist at Council for Relationships. If you have questions about working for a nonprofit organization or other topics regarding Anusha's journey and work, you may reach her at aramdeen@councilforrelationships.org or by phone at 215-857-5818 ext. 3124.

To request an appointment with a CFR Therapist or Psychiatrist, submit a Request for Appointment or visit our Clinician Directory

Supporting Access to Mental Health Care As a nonprofit organization, we rely on your generosity to provide unparalleled mental health care to all. Your support allows us to offer no-fee and low-fee mental health services. For over 90 years, folks just like you have supported CFR's mission to create thriving communities through healthier relationships. Can you donate $50 or $100 today in continued support of our work? $100 provides one individual, couples, or family therapy session to those struggling with both their mental health and facing financial difficulties. Thank you.

More from CFR https://councilforrelationships.org/the-case-for-supporting-mental-health-nonprofits/

https://councilforrelationships.org/news-item/cfr-named-a-top-nonprofit-by-open-counseling/

View Details

CFR Director of Operation Home & Healing, Dr. Nancy Isserman, has also served on the Executive Committee of the Delaware Valley Veterans Consortium (DVVC) for two years. This Autumn she is stepping down from the Executive Team due to term limitations. Read on to learn more about the lessons on caring for Veterans' mental health Dr. Isserman has taken from her time at the DVVC and how those lessons continue to inform her work on behalf of active duty military members, Veterans, and their families here at CFR today.

[caption id="attachment_73744" align="alignleft" width="256"] The DVVC was originally formed in 2013 as a program of the American Red Cross, which itself was founded by nurse Clara Barton (pictured here) in 1881.[/caption]

Lessons from my time as a leader of the Delaware Valley Veterans Consortium My role on the Delaware Valley Veterans Consortium (DVVC) is ending in the fall according to the bylaws of the organization as I have served three consecutive terms. This opportunity to serve was possible because of the encouragement and support I received from management at Council for Relationships (CFR).

And it has benefited CFR.

Through my networking at DVVC, I met people who introduced me to the team at Headstrong (now called The Headstrong Project). Serving as a provider of therapy services for Headstrong clients in southeastern Pennsylvania and southern New Jersey expanded CFR’s reach into the military and veteran population. New clients came to CFR through hearing about us in the course of my networking.

Since 2015 the number of veterans and family members CFR has counseled has doubled. Our grant program and financial support for our fee subsidy program have also grown. The number of staff, students, and outside therapists taking the course, Understanding Military Culture and Behavioral Health Treatment for Veterans and Families, has increased.

[caption id="attachment_73745" align="alignright" width="300"] While British psychologist Charles S. Myers (pictured here) did not coin the phrase "shell-shock," he was instrumental in getting British authorities to take the condition seriously in 1916.[/caption]

Broadening mental health support for active duty military, Veterans, and their families As I face my last remaining months at DVVC, I am taking the opportunity to reflect on the past seven years of serving on the Executive Committee. I joined the Executive Committee shortly after becoming director of CFRs's Operation Home & Healing (OHH) in 2015. Prior to my tenure as Director, OHH had focused solely on providing clinical services to Veterans and their families, funded through a large family grant.

I saw my role as broader.

At that time, OHH was not well known in the Veteran space, even though OHH had been around for eight years, and CFR was founded 83 years earlier. Thus, I viewed increased engagement with this new Veterans’ group as a way to not only give back service to the Veteran population but to reach out to organizations in the Veteran space, explaining OHH services and what we could offer to them.

Just a year or two earlier the RAND Corporation had published a report that providers who worked for community mental health agencies like CFR were not well trained in military culture. CFR made a commitment at that time to train its clinicians in military culture. Thus, it became a required course for our students of CFR's Post-graduate Certificate Program in Marriage and Family Therapy and a requirement for our therapists working with Veterans in our fee subsidy program. We also offered the course to therapists in the community who wanted training in military culture and behavioral health treatment.

[caption id="attachment_73746" align="alignleft" width="300"] The Grand Army of the Republic (GAR), one of the United States' oldest Veterans support groups, held annual conventions, like this one in Cleveland, OH in 1901 (pictured here). GAR was racially segregated with Black Veterans often not welcomed at public GAR events.[/caption]

Caring for the mental health of Veterans and their families Beyond the opportunity to explain OHH services to others in the community, I was given the chance to meet and interact with many Veterans and professionals working with Veterans and their families. One goal of DVVC is networking. Between the meetings and the program organizing committee work, networking has become an important part of my work with DVVC. Through networking, I was able to establish a connection with The Headstrong Project five years ago, which allows CFR to provide therapy to any Headstrong active military or Veteran client from any era and their families in Pennsylvania and New Jersey at no cost for 30 sessions, and unlimited sessions beyond that for a small fee.

Most importantly, I’ve become colleagues and friends with a wonderful group of dedicated individuals working on behalf of the military/Veteran communities through DVVC. I have seen the consortium grow into a solid organization, providing programming for interested people across the nation. Our recent program on military sexual trauma had over 300 registered, and 100 participants!

The past seven years have been one of exciting growth for DVVC. The work matters; veterans and their families matter. Whatever I gave I got back in satisfaction, new avenues to pursue, and friendship. I am appreciative of the opportunity and encouragement that I received from CFR to participate in the leadership of DVVC.

[caption id="attachment_72335" align="alignright" width="277"] Dr. Nancy Isserman, MSW, (pictured here), has dedicated her career to tackling the mental health needs of Veterans and their families.[/caption]

About the Author Nancy Isserman, MSW, PhD, is Director of Operation Home & Healing, and the Co-Director of the Transcending Trauma Project. She is also co-author of Transcending Trauma: Survival, Resilience and Clinical Implications in Survivor Families.

If you have questions about supporting the mental health of Veterans’ families, you may reach Dr. Isserman at nisserman@councilforrelationships.org or 215-395-3140 ext. 3133.

See our Therapist & Psychiatrist Directory to find a CFR therapist or psychiatrist near you.

About Operation Home & Healing CFR’s Operation Home & Healing (OHH) provides counseling for active-duty service members, members of the National Guard and Reserves, veterans of all eras (regardless of their characterization of discharge or combat status), and their spouses.

Click here to learn more about OHH.

More from CFR https://councilforrelationships.org/supporting-the-mental-health-of-veterans-families/

https://councilforrelationships.org/news-item/cfr-and-headstrong-announce-partnership-to-serve-veterans-in-greater-philadelphia/

https://councilforrelationships.org/impact-spotlight-operation-home-and-healing/

https://councilforrelationships.org/testimony-operation-home-healings-services-veterans-families-veterans-advisory-council-commissioners-open-hearing/

View Details

The Philadelphia Phillies' partnership with Team Foster and Warrior Canine Connection to bring a new service pup to the Phillies for training reminds us of the importance of learning about and addressing treatment for traumatic brain injury (TBI) in Veterans.

TBI was the signature war wound of the Operation Enduring Freedom Afghanistan (OEF) and Operation Iraqi Freedom (OIF) wars. In Council for Relationships’ course on Understanding Military Culture and Mental Health Treatment, my co-facilitator, Courtney Ragin, LMFT, and I teach clinicians about the consequences for veterans of receiving and living with a TBI.

Read on to learn the answers to the following, and more:

What is a TBI?
Why should mental health therapists be concerned about TBI?
Is there hope for folks with a TBI?

[caption id="attachment_73685" align="alignleft" width="300"] Ataxia can result from a TBI, such as a concussion. It can also be a result of progressive diseases, such as multiple sclerosis, that are unrelated to TBI.[/caption]

What is TBI? It's more than just the football brain injury name. TBI is defined as a blow or knock to the head that interrupts the brain’s normal functions, an injury from trauma that results from some kind of external force.

An external force could come from the head being struck by an object or striking an object, the brain undergoing an acceleration/deceleration movement without direct external trauma to the head, a foreign body penetrating the brain, or forces generated from events such as a blast or explosion, or other unknown forces. The injury could cause a person to lose consciousness for a short or a long period of time and include a decreased level of consciousness, a loss of memory for events immediately before or after the injury, any alteration in mental state at the time of the injury (confusion, disorientation, slowed thinking, and so on) or neurological deficits such as a weakness, loss of balance, change in vision, weakness/paralysis, sensory loss, aphasia, and so on that may or may not be transient. When it is a mild injury, it is often called a concussion.

Some 80 to 85% of TBI events tracked by the United States Department of Defense happen at bases within the country, often because of traffic or training accidents. Other causes in the military include blasts, bullets, fragments of material, falls, car or truck crashes, sports injuries, or assaults. In combat blasts are the leading cause of TBI, often from improvised explosive devices (IEDs).

[caption id="attachment_73686" align="alignright" width="300"] Autonomic Dysreflexia (AD) is a life-threatening emergency sometimes brought on by a TBI.[/caption]

Why is TBI of concern to therapists? Someone who has suffered a TBI is more likely to have depression, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), or both. They are vulnerable to a higher risk of domestic violence. The risk or precipitating factors also include a loss of sense of self following the TBI, other psychiatric disturbances, or both. TBI often presents overlapping symptoms with PTSD.

In the long term, TBI patients can experience temporary gaps in memory, irritability, depression, anxiety, and trouble sleeping, among other issues.

The following could be physical signs of TBI:

Balance problems
Dizziness
Fatigue
Headaches
Nausea or vomiting
Sensitivity to light
Sleep disturbances
Visual disturbances

TBI could also lead to the following mental health concerns:

Anxiety
Attention problems
Concentration problems
Depression
Difficulty finding words
Gaps in memory
Irritability
Mood swings
Slowed thinking

These symptoms impact relationships in the family between the vet and their partner(s), children, and other family members. In addition, symptoms can worsen.

[caption id="attachment_73688" align="alignleft" width="300"] Sometimes a TBI can cause growing pressure inside your skull. This dangerous condition is called increased intracranial pressure (ICP).[/caption]

Hope: Brain trauma recovery and more. Anecdotal and research studies point to the effectiveness of service dog training programs like the partnership of Canine Warriors Connection, Team Foster, and the Philadelphia Phillies, to help Veterans address their TBI symptoms. CFR therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists, through the Operation Home and Healing program, also work with veterans with TBI concentrating on ways for these veterans to better manage the impact of their TBI on their lives and the lives of their families. The Operation Home and Healing fee subsidy and Headstrong Project underwrite most or all of the costs of providing therapy to Veterans and their family members for specified periods of time.

To find a therapist who understands how TBI affects veterans, go to our Operation Home & Healing webpage. We are committed to working to improve the mental health of veterans and their families in Pennsylvania and New Jersey.

If you have a TBI and would like to learn more about the condition click here. If you are in immediate need, you can also contact the Veterans Crisis Hotline at (800) 273-TALK (8255) or the National Veterans Foundation Hotline at (888) 777-4443.

About the Author Nancy Isserman, MSW, PhD, is Director of Operation Home and Healing, and the Co-Director of the Transcending Trauma Project. She is also co-author of Transcending Trauma: Survival, Resilience and Clinical Implications in Survivor Families.

If you have questions about supporting the mental health of Veterans’ families, you may reach Dr. Isserman at nisserman@councilforrelationships.org or 215-395-3140 ext. 3133.

See our Therapist & Psychiatrist Directory to find a CFR therapist or psychiatrist near you.

About Operation Home & Healing CFR’s Operation Home and Healing (OHH) provides counseling for active-duty service members, members of the National Guard and Reserves, veterans of all eras (regardless of their characterization of discharge or combat status), and their spouses.

Click here to learn more about OHH.

More from CFR https://councilforrelationships.org/traumatic-brain-injuries-and-homelessness/

https://councilforrelationships.org/hidden-wound-moral-injury-war/

https://councilforrelationships.org/healing-moral-injury-four-steps-help/

https://councilforrelationships.org/my-name-is-tiger-navigating-the-road-to-recovery-after-acute-injury/

View Details

What it means to be neurodivergent is often misunderstood. The term is an umbrella for many more contemporarily familiar disorders, such as autism. You will learn more about the following in this article:

The meaning of neurodivergent
Depression and being neurodivergent
Anxiety and neurodivergent people
The intersection between trauma and neurodivergence

[caption id="attachment_73651" align="alignleft" width="300"] Australian sociologist Judy Singer (pictured here) published her first book, NeuroDiversity: The Birth of an Idea, in 2016.[/caption]

Neurodivergent Meaning In the 1990s, autistic sociologist Judy Singer introduced the terms neurodivergent and neurodiverse as an alternative to terms such as “disorder.” Today, neurodivergent is understood as a term used to describe someone whose brain processes information differently than someone who is neurotypical.

The following disorders are considered "neurodivergent":

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)
Autism Spectrum Disorder
Dyslexia
Dyspraxia
Tourette’s Syndrome

"Neurodivergent" encompasses any intellectual or learning disability, but is most commonly used to describe those with ADHD or who are on the autism spectrum. A group is neurodiverse when neurodivergent and neurotypical people are included. Because their brains process information differently, those who are neurodivergent are at a higher risk for certain mental health issues.

[caption id="attachment_73652" align="alignright" width="300"] Scholars such as Giorgia Sala (pictured here) have conducted studies showing that the practice of Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM) is increasing among autistic people.[/caption]

Neurodivergent & Depressed According to Simons Powering Autism Research (SPARK), about 40% of autistic adults have had depression. Those with ADHD and autistic people both struggle with emotional regulation. They may feel highs and lows more intensely than neurotypical people, making it more difficult for them to tolerate depressive symptoms. Struggles with executive function may also worsen depression for those with ADHD, as they may struggle to find motivation to complete daily tasks.

Neurodivergent people also struggle with interoception, or being able to tell what is going on internally. Interoception is what allows us to understand what our bodies need, such as if we are hungry or tired. Those with poor interoception skills may struggle with something called alexithymia. Alexithymia is used to describe when a person cannot identify their own emotions. This is more common in the neurodivergent community, as it is related to interoception. Because of these complexities in how the neurodivergent brain processes information, treatment for depression may look different for neurodivergent people than for neurotypicals. Medication may affect them differently and some therapies may not be as effective when one struggles with alexithymia.

[caption id="attachment_73653" align="alignleft" width="300"] There is a common, but incorrect belief that there is a direct connection between children who have a tongue tie and ADHD.[/caption]

Neurodivergent & Anxious About 50% of adults with ADHD also suffer from an anxiety disorder. ADHD and anxiety are commonly comorbid, as anxiety can impair executive function and vice-versa. When someone is anxious, it may be difficult for them to pay attention or focus on completing a task, when they are unable to complete their tasks, they may feel more anxious at the thought of their upcoming deadline.

Anxiety is also more common in autistic people. Autistic people may be more likely to suffer from an anxiety disorder because of their attention to detail, sensory sensitivities, and social difficulties. Changes in routine, unfamiliar places, and sensory stimuli can all trigger anxiety in autistic people. Being unsure of how to navigate a social situation can also cause autistic people to struggle with social anxiety.

Treatment for anxiety and ADHD can both look different when one of these disorders is comorbid with another, so it is important to be aware of the complexities of treating these disorders together.

[caption id="attachment_73654" align="alignright" width="300"] Many people with autism, ADHD, or both also suffer from dysautonomia problems such as Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia (POTs) Syndrome.[/caption]

Neurodivergent & Trauma Autistic people are more likely to develop Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) than neurotypical people. The increased risk of PTSD can be due to a number of reasons. Autistic people are more likely to be exposed to traumatic experiences such as bullying, sexual abuse, interpersonal struggles due to social difficulties, or the loss of a loved one. An autistic person may experience certain situations as being traumatic that someone else may not. Autistic people struggle with sensory difficulties. Loud sounds and crowded environments may cause sensory overload and trauma for autistic people.

Being forced to mask one’s autism in public may also be traumatic. Masking is when an autistic person attempts to act neurotypical in order to blend in with others or be accepted socially. When an autistic person masks, they are forced to ignore their own sensory or social needs. This can feel incredibly distressing and lead to burnout. There is a lack of research on which treatments may be helpful for a neurodivergent person who has PTSD, but trauma-informed mental health professionals should learn to work with their neurodivergent client or patient’s unique needs and allow them to fully unmask.

About the Author Talia Higgins is a Master's of Social Work (MSW) Student Intern in our ISI Program. If you have questions about the meaning of neurodivergence or common mental health issues neurodivergent people may experience, you may reach Talia via email at thiggins@councilforrelationships.org or by phone at 215-857-5815 ext. 7081.

If you have questions about CFR’s ISI Program or about Student Interns, please contact CFR’s Director of Clinical Internships Allen-Michael Lewis, MS, LMFT, AS, at alewis@councilforrelationships.org or by phone at 215-857-5815 ext. 4206.

About CFR's Professional Education CFR was one of the first training centers for marriage and family therapy in the country. We currently offer Master’s degree and postgraduate certificate programs as well as continuing education and workshops.

More from CFR https://councilforrelationships.org/autism-awareness-month-a-personal-story/

https://councilforrelationships.org/understanding-ptsd/

View Details

Caring for an aging parent can feel daunting, frustrating, isolating, and sad. But it does not have to be this way. Read on to the learn more about the following tips to help keep you from losing yourself as you care for your parent.

Tip #1: Take it slow. Caring for an elderly parent is generally a long-term process.
Tip #2: Be compassionate. Compassion may help you to not lose your patience with your aging parent.
Tip #3: Help your aging parent live their best life. And while you are at it, live your best life too.

[caption id="attachment_73595" align="alignleft" width="300"] This chart shows the average amount of hours of care giving aging parents require from their adult children.[/caption]

When the roles change. I went on a lovely walk with a good friend recently. We caught up on our plans for upcoming celebrations, we talked about our children’s activities, and we giggled about our aging bodies. About half way through our trek the conversation changed, my friend shared a part of her life that was extremely difficult for her - a part of her life where she often felt guilty, inadequate, emotionally depleted, and sad. She, like so many baby boomers, was facing the difficult task of caring for an aging parent.

Having worked with the geriatric population and their families for several years, I want to pass along the following three insights I found to be significantly helpful to the caretakers of the elderly when entering into this phase life.

[caption id="attachment_73591" align="alignright" width="300"] Formed in 2012, Adult Children of Aging Parents (ACAP) provides information, resources, support and community for adult-children as they care for their aging parents and for themselves.[/caption]

Tip #1: Take it slow. Caring for an elderly parent is generally a long-term process. First, we need to accept that things have changed. When our parents begin depending upon us, their children for their basic care, our world has changed. Be prepared for a radically new paradigm. Old roles may not apply. Old methodologies may not apply. Old emotions may not apply. Be prepared to work from a whole new script.

Take it slowly. Caring for an aging parent is generally a long-term process, so do not rush it. You and they both are in uncharted territory. Let the process uncover itself naturally. Let whatever happens organically unfold.

[caption id="attachment_73593" align="alignleft" width="300"] In 1979 Jerome H. Stone (pictured here) founded the Alzheimer's Association, the largest non-profit funder of Alzheimer's disease research.[/caption]

Tip #2: Be compassionate. Compassion may help you to not lose your patience with your aging parent. Try to understand that when you start taking care of your parent, they lose the one thing they have always had in relationship to you: authority. That is something that is not going to be easy for your parent to give up. Expect them, in one way or another, to lash out about that loss. Try your best to have compassion for what they are experiencing. Remember that most of us will be in their shoes some time down the road.

Caring for an aging parent requires giving them their autonomy whenever possible; offer your parent options instead of orders. It is important for them to continue to feel as if they, not you, are running their lives. Let them decide as much as they can about their own care, and help them by supporting the healthy choices they have made on their own.

[caption id="attachment_73594" align="alignright" width="300"] Founded in the United Kingdom during World War II, Meals on Wheels is one of the largest organizations addressing senior isolation and hunger.[/caption]

Tip #3: Help your aging parent live their best life. And while you are at it, live your best life too. Encourage your loved one to participate in social activities as much as possible. Keeping them actively connected with friends and family enhances their quality of life and helps affirm for them that the are still of value to others.

During this phase of your life, remember to take care of the caretaker - that’s you! Caring for an aging parent is not easy. Take walks, stretch out, eat right, and make sure you spend quality time away from Mom or Dad. Make time to rejuvenate yourself as a critical part of your care routine for your parent. Your life still needs to be about you, and your loved one will be pleased to know that they are not depleting you of your personal joy.

This can be an intimate and loving time for both you and your parent; do not forget to look for the silver lining. I promise it is in there!

[caption id="attachment_72830" align="alignleft" width="298"] Hope Nichols, LMFT (pictured here) is a CFR Staff Therapist.[/caption]

About the Author Hope Nichols, LMFT is a Philadelphia and Wynnewood, PA, therapist. If you have questions about caring for an aging parent, this article, or Hope's practice, you may reach Hope at hnichols@councilforrelationships.org or 215-770-2334 ext. 7061.

CFR offers therapy and psychiatry services on a slide-fee scale. See our Therapist & Psychologist Directory to find a CFR therapist or psychiatrist near you.

Editor's Note: This article was originally published in 2015. You can find the original publication here. This article are been republished with permission from the author.

More from CFR https://councilforrelationships.org/positive-child-parent-bonds-lead-to-more-positive-caregiving-for-aging-survivors/

https://councilforrelationships.org/co-parenting-tips-for-setting-hurt-anger-aside/

View Details

Raise your hand if you have ever been in your feelings. Have you ever stopped and thought about what being "in my feelings" really means? Experiencing our emotions, and understanding what those feelings mean, is a critical aspect of any mental health journey. Read on for answers to the following questions:

What are emotions?
Where do emotions originate?
Why is avoiding your emotions problematic?
How do you explore and understand your own emotions?

[caption id="attachment_73565" align="alignleft" width="300"] The Ashwagandha plant (pictured here) is a shrub commonly used to relieve stress. However, there is little evidence for its use as an "adaptogen."[/caption]

What are emotions? Did you know that your emotions are a bodily, physiological experience? For a long time, I thought of emotions as more abstract, something I could explore and control intellectually. That is how Western culture, and traditional Western psychotherapy models, tend to view emotions: seeing the mind as possessing and controlling the body and emotions. That is why many of us might be familiar with talking about our feelings - but we might not be as familiar with feeling our feelings.

Feeling your feelings, and sensing them as bodily experiences can be new, uncomfortable, and a bit scary for a lot of people - and yet it is a skill that can be learned and that can help us live with less distress and with greater authenticity. Feeling your feelings looks like asking the question, What tells you you’re feeling that way? How do you know that you are sad and not angry? What is your body signaling to you that you are experiencing joy or fear?

[caption id="attachment_73567" align="alignright" width="300"] The 2015 Disney Pixar film, Inside Out, focused on a group of characters (pictured here) who represent individual emotions, such as Joy and Anger.[/caption]

In your feelings: The emotions & where they originate One of the psychotherapy models I pull from in my practice is Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP), which believes an important step toward health is being able to feel our core emotions. Those core emotional categories are anger, sadness, joy, fear, disgust, excitement, and sexual excitement. Because these feelings can sometimes be overwhelming or because we want to get along with other people, we often try (consciously or unconsciously) to suppress or control these core emotions.

But here’s the thing: Emotions originate in a part of the brain that is deeper than the thinking structures of the brain, meaning that emotions are present and sending signals through our body before we are consciously aware of them. I like to think of emotions as indicator lights on a car dashboard. They are signals, alerting us to what is happening and what is needed. If we suppress or ignore those indicator lights, it is going to be hard to drive. Similarly, when we ignore or block our core emotions, it can be hard for us to know fully who we are and what we want. Attempts to block the experience of a core emotion can lead to feelings of anxiety, depression, guilt, or shame (what AEDP calls inhibitory emotions). Essentially, suppression of core emotions can cause distress. Experiencing them is where we can find growth and clarity.

[caption id="attachment_73566" align="alignleft" width="300"] Psychotherapists John Case Nemiah (pictured here) and Peter Sifneos introduced alexithymia, sometimes known as emotional blindness, in 1973.[/caption]

No hard feelings: If you are avoiding your emotions, you are doing it wrong Diana Fosha, who developed AEDP, describes feelings as “the experiential arc between the problem and the solution", meaning that when we allow ourselves to feel an emotion and ride the wave of that emotion in our bodies, we gain clarity on what needs to happen next. For example, allowing ourselves to experience sadness could lead to acceptance. Experiencing anger might let us know that there is a boundary we need to set. Feeling excitement might tell us what is important for us to prioritize. Simply thinking about our sadness or anger or excitement will not always lead to that same sort of resolution or clarity. It is when we notice how emotion is moving through our body and when we stay with it that we are able to process emotion and find solutions.

[caption id="attachment_73568" align="alignright" width="300"] The Feelings Chart (pictured here), or the Feelings Wheel, was developed by psychotherapist Dr. Gloria Willcox.[/caption]

The era of good feelings: How to explore & understand your feelings & emotions Here are some places to start if you would like to explore what it looks like to feel your feelings in addition to talking about them. (For those of you who have experienced trauma, tapping into the body can feel especially scary, so I would recommend having the support of a therapist as you begin exploring).

Next time you notice an inhibitory emotion (anxiety, low mood, guilt/shame) coming up for you, try asking yourself the question: What is the core emotion I am feeling under the anxiety/shame, etc.? You can go through the list of core emotions, asking yourself “Am I sad? Am I angry? Am I excited?”
Print or draw seven outlines of the human body (one for each core emotional category: Fear, anger, joy, sadness, disgust, excitement, sexual excitement). Draw where and how you feel each of the seven emotions in your body. You might want to experiment with different colors to indicate the temperature, energy, movement, and intensity of the emotions.
Read It’s Not Always Depression by Hilary Jacobs Hendel or The Wisdom of Your Body by Hillary L. McBride.

[caption id="attachment_73215" align="alignleft" width="225"] Staff Therapist Amy Leonard (pictured here) joined CFR in the Spring of 2023.[/caption]

About the Author Amy Leonard, MSW, is a Philadelphia therapist accepting new online or in-person clients. Click here to book an appointment.

If you have questions about her practice or this article, you may reach Amy at aleonard@councilforrelationships.org or 215-770-2334 ext 7018.

See our Therapist & Psychologist Directory to find a different CFR therapist or psychiatrist near you.

More from CFR https://councilforrelationships.org/how-to-feel-your-emotions/

https://councilforrelationships.org/processing-emotions-and-connecting-with-community-after-a-mass-shooting/

https://councilforrelationships.org/toxic-positivity-its-ok-to-not-be-ok-all-of-the-time/

View Details

Finding a Philadelphia therapist accepting new clients can be difficult. CFR is proud to have Staff Therapist Amy Leonard, MSW, as a member of our organization. Amy sees patients virtually or in person and is currently accepting new clients.

Continue reading to learn more about Amy's therapeutic approaches, goals, and training.

[caption id="attachment_73215" align="alignleft" width="225"] Staff Therapist Amy Leonard (pictured here) joined CFR in the Spring of 2023.[/caption]

Amy's journey to becoming a therapist Therapy is a second career for me. Before becoming a therapist, I spent ten years working in the nonprofit space, managing communications and development for a grassroots organization working in public housing communities. I found that work incredibly meaningful, and yet I wanted to do something more relational.

So, I made a change and went to the University of Pennsylvania and earned my Master’s Degree in Social Work. During grad school, I was lucky to intern at Council for Relationships and saw several things in the organization that made me want to continue working there. CFR has a good reputation with people from a broad range of backgrounds, income levels, and identities, which is very important to me. And its model is unique, allowing for sustainable ways of training new clinicians, offering low-fee and no-fee therapy, and providing expert, high-quality care. Plus all of the people I have met at CFR have been lovely, warm, smart, and welcoming.

Staying with the good feelings I love to stay with the good feelings of my clients. It seems most people associate therapy with the “negative” feelings or the hard stuff. And while of course, we will explore those feelings, too, I believe it is important also to notice the good stuff. Staying positive can train our brains and make good feelings easier to feel again. What does that look like in a session? It does not look anything like toxic positivity. It can look like laughter and humor, it can look like noticing when you feel proud of yourself or when something pleases you, and then getting curious about what those feelings are like for you. It means we notice your full humanity, the hard and the lovely, the pain and the joy.

What you can expect in your first session with Amy Starting therapy can feel vulnerable and a bit scary, so I like to take the first session at your pace. You will have the chance to share what brings you to therapy and to share a bit of your history and story. My goal during the first session is to offer you a safe, non-judgmental space, to do my best to understand where you are at and where you want to go and to start building a connection that will help us partner together moving forward.

One of the main goals of therapy is to know and understand ourselves with honesty and compassion so that we can cultivate ways of moving through the world authentically, with less distress, and with greater relational connection.

I believe that our bodies and our felt experience often already hold the wisdom and guidance we need. My goal, then, is to help you notice and pay attention to what is already there. I see my role as a compassionate witness and, when needed, a guide along the way, helping you make sense of your story and finding the tools you need to move forward in the ways that feel right for you.

Are you struggling with the decision to request a therapy appointment? In my experience, I have found that naming the things that we find difficult or distressing often makes them less powerful and less scary. This is especially true when we work through those things with another person who listens and responds with curiosity and compassion.

Therapy is not always easy, but taking that first step to get started is often one of the hardest parts.

CFR therapists are accepting new clients. Ready to book an appointment with a psychiatrist or therapist? Questions about session costs? Amy Leonard, MSW, is a Philadelphia therapist accepting new online or in-person clients. Click here to book an appointment.

You may reach Amy at aleonard@councilforrelationships.org or 215-770-2334 ext 7018.

See our Therapist & Psychologist Directory to find a different CFR therapist or psychiatrist near you.

More from CFR https://councilforrelationships.org/therapist/amy-jones-mft-msw-lcsw/

https://councilforrelationships.org/philadelphia-psychiatrist-accepting-new-patients-dr-michael-antzis/

View Details

On Friday, June 16, 2023, Longwood Gardens hosted Fashioning Freedom, a event honoring the power of fashion in the struggle for freedom. It promised to be an evening for celebrating African American fashion and its critical relationship to the work of freedom. After spending her day seeing clients and working towards her doctorate, CFR Staff Therapist Chimère Holmes trekked out to Kennett Square, Pennsylvania to attend Fashion Freedom. The event left a lasting impression on not only her sense of her own cultural history, but also provided lessons she plans to incorporate into her therapeutic practice. Read on for Chimère's reflections on Fashioning Freedom and Juneteenth at Longwood Gardens.

[caption id="attachment_73479" align="alignleft" width="298"] Voices Underground facilitated Juneteenth In Pennsylvania, a state-wide commemoration of the 3rd nationally recognized Juneteenth.[/caption]

Juneteenth in Pennsylvania The skies opened up early in the morning and released heavy downpours coupled with lightning and thunderstorms. There was grey and bleak sentiment all around that had most of us with tickets wondering if the fashion show set to take place later that evening, would go on. Thankfully the rain ceased and the storms passed midday, clearing the way for the Voices Underground Juneteenth presentation at the serene and lush Longwood Gardens’ Open Air Theatre.

When the clock struck 6:00 pm, sunshine and fluffy clouds adorned the sky, as crowds gathered from across Philadelphia and Chester counties for Fashioning Freedom, a fashion show designed to celebrate the role of Black culture in and throughout the fashion industry commemorating Black artists (past and present) and the artistic brilliance that contributed to the overarching fight for freedom.

Voices Underground is a non-profit creative consulting firm that strategizes in racial healing through specialized story telling. Voices Underground seeks to help us remember African American history. Led by Gregory Thompson, Executive Director, the mission of the organization is the healing of communities through creative encounters with the truth of history. It’s vision: "to support our client communities in their work of telling their African American stories in ways that are true, transformative and enduring."

[caption id="attachment_73480" align="alignright" width="300"] Dr. Kimberly McGlonn (pictured here) is planning on launching the Fashion the Future Forward initiative sometime in 2023 to advocate for equal wages and education about sustainable living and also workforce development, particularly for women who are formerly incarcerated.[/caption]

Juneteenth at Longwood Gardens Voices Underground commemorated Juneteenth across Pennsylvania by presenting Fashioning Freedom, a celebration of African American fashion and its invaluable relationship to and interplay with the work of freedom.

Texas native and vocal extraordinaire, Madelyn Brene kicked the evening off with several smooth, sultry renditions that highlighted her soprano vocals that quickly captivated the audience and had us all moving. Following Madelyn’s melodic set, Kimberly Jenkins, Founder of The Fashion and Race Database and Artis Solomon Consulting, offered an enlightening lecture outlining the impact of fashion on self-expression, sociopolitical climates, race relations, psychology, and anthropology.

The lecture then transitioned to a fun and interactive panel discussion and narration of the original designs led by three very impressive, young, Black, academic voices. Kimberly Jenkins, Assistant Professor at Parsons School of Design and fellow in the Costume Institute of the Metropolitan Museum of Art was the lecturer and panelist. She was accompanied by Dr. Jonathan Michael Square, who serves as an Assistant Professor at Parsons School of Design and holds a Ph.D., from New York University and runs the digital humanities project, Fashioning the Self in Slavery and Freedom. The third panelist and designer, Dr. Kimberly McGlonn, is a faculty member at Drexel University’s Westphal College of Media Arts & Design and is an advocate for justice and environmentalism, and advocacy that informs her designing technique and approach to leadership in the fashion industry. McGlonn oversees Grant Blvd as Founder and CEO in addition to Blk Ivy a thrift/vintage concept that tells the story of fashion as activism through the curation of garments.

The fashion show featured a smooth and uplifting soundtrack of hip hop and soul artists and highlighted the work of African American curators and designers.

[caption id="attachment_73482" align="alignleft" width="300"] Longwood Gardens (pictured here), is located in Kennett Square, Pennsylvania, and is one of the United States' premier horticultural display gardens.[/caption]

Celebrating through Fashion As an emerging doctor myself, I appreciated the intentionality and sensitivity that this unique platform produces through scholarly research, public gatherings, and historic memorialization. As a full-time mental health clinician and doctoral student, I cannot lie: I arrived that night after work feeling a little tired and did not know what to expect. I knew I wanted to celebrate Juneteenth this year in a meaningful way in memory of my ancestors and to serve as an example to my BIPOC Sisters' Circle Group, a psychotherapy group through Main Line Health, as we spoke earlier in the week about the best ways to celebrate this newly recognized holiday as Black women.

Two hours felt like 20 minutes, my heart and spirit were definitely replenished and I was so very grateful I was able to attend. I left Fashioning Freedom feeling invigorated, informed, and inspired; all the prouder to be a Black woman in this country during such a time as this. This celebration did a beautiful job in commemorating Juneteenth here in Pennsylvania by bringing the community together in a vibrant and refreshing way, building new relationships and strengthening existing ones. Healthy and thriving relationships, after all, are critical to having a healthy and thriving community.

[caption id="attachment_71093" align="alignright" width="240"] CFR Staff Therapist Chimère G. Holmes, MA, MSEd, LPC (pictured here) sees therapy clients virtually.[/caption]

About the Author Chimère G. Holmes, MA, MSEd, LPC, is a CFR Staff Therapist. If you have questions about this blog, Juneteenth at Longwood Gardens, or want to learn more about therapy, reach out to Chimère at cholmes@councilforrelationships.org or 215-315-7551 ext. 7064.

See our Therapist & Psychiatrist Directory to find a CFR therapist or psychiatrist near you.

More from CFR https://councilforrelationships.org/black-joy/

https://councilforrelationships.org/racial-justice-through-tragic-optimism/

View Details

On June 1, 2023, Drexel University held the 2023 Drexel Maternal and Child Health Symposium: Gun Violence: Impacts & Solutions from an MCH Perspective. The Maternal and Child Health (MCH) conference, "highlight[ed] the work of communities and programs seeking to reduce the impact of gun violence on maternal and child health populations, including women, children, youth, and families." CFR Staff Therapist Amy Jones was in attendance and shares the following notes from the 2023 Drexel MCH Symposium.

[caption id="attachment_73468" align="alignleft" width="244"] Dr. Ruth Abaya, MD, MPH (pictured here) an Attending Physician in the Emergency Department at Children's Hospital of Philadelphia (CHOP) and this year's Drexel MCH Symposium keynote speaker.[/caption]

Notes from the 2023 Drexel MCH Symposium In addition to being a Staff Therapist at CFR, I have been working as part of a team to develop a CFR Community Trauma Response Program that will provide mental health support in the aftermath of a crisis or loss in communities or organizations. Historically, CFR clinicians have responded to requests for such help on an ad hoc basis; but the need is growing. CFR is working to formalize our services and system of responding to reach more communities in need. As part of developing the program, we are connecting with other organizations doing this work to learn about existing resources, determine how our strengths as clinicians and organizations can best address the needs, and collaborate with others addressing trauma and violence in Philadelphia communities.

This led me to attend the 2023 Drexel Maternal and Child Health Symposium entitled, Gun Violence: Impacts and Solutions from a Maternal and Child Health Perspective. The symposium was full of thoughtful, wise and passionate speakers who gave voice to their personal and professional experiences with gun violence in Philadelphia.

For those who were not able to attend, I hope that sharing the following messages from the speakers will help highlight and promote these important ideas. I hope that this helps my colleagues in the mental health field consider what roles we can play in responding to traumatic losses in our communities.

If you are interested in learning more about CFR’s Community Trauma Response Program contact Dr. Sara Corse, Director of Community Partnerships Initiatives, at scorse@councilforrelationships.org.

Download CFR's Notes from the 2023 Drexel MCH Symposium [gravityform id="162" title="false" description="false"]

[caption id="attachment_8385" align="alignright" width="230"] CFR Staff Therapist Amy Jones (pictured here) has been providing therapy through CFR since 2018.[/caption]

About the Author Amy Jones, MSW, MFT, LCSW, is a CFR Staff Therapist. If you have questions about the her notes on the 2023 Drexel MCH Symposium you may contact her by clicking here.

If you are looking for individual, couple, or family therapy or psychiatry, click here to request an appointment. See our Therapist & Psychiatrist Directory to find additional CFR therapists or psychiatrists near you.

About CFR's Community Partnerships Initiatives Council for Relationships' Community Partnerships Initiatives (CPI) brings therapy on-site to partner organizations serving clients who need it most, but experience barriers to access.

To learn more about CPI and organizations we partner with, click here.

More from CFR https://councilforrelationships.org/the-truth-about-mental-health-and-mass-shootings/

https://councilforrelationships.org/enough-blame-to-go-around/

View Details

While the events that led to the ultimate creation of the national holiday known as Juneteenth may be over 160 years in the past, there is no time like to present to embrace Black joy. But what is Black joy and why is Juneteenth a time for us to embrace it? And what does it mean to "embrace" Black joy? Read on to learn the answers to these questions and more as we embrace Black joy.

[caption id="attachment_73424" align="alignleft" width="200"] Elaine Nichols (pictured here) is a Senior Curator for Culture at the National Museum of African American History and Culture[/caption]

What is Black Joy? Even after a group experiences liberation, this newfound freedom does not erase the pain and trauma they have faced. It can still be felt, and unfortunately, can still be seen trickling down through the generations. This pain has been the focus of many writings and Hollywood blockbusters and continues to be the narrative preferred when talking about the Black community in America. But among the tracks and scars caused by trauma, there is a river of resilience, hope, and joy that flows and connects a community together.

Black Joy is not an attempt to erase the trauma and pain the Black community has experienced but is a community reclaiming its narrative. Despite all the obstacles that the Black community has and continues to experience in American society, there is cause for celebration and reason to take up space to celebrate Black culture. According to Elain Nichols, “At the heart of the Black Joy movement is what many scholars, journalists, authors, and others are describing as resistance, resilience, and reclamation of Black Humanity”.

[caption id="attachment_73426" align="alignright" width="272"] Upset Homegirls is a nonprofit organization started by, from left to right, Ariel Parker, Larissa Odd, Brandy Factory, and Esther Fagbamila, after the 2020 murder of George Floyd.[/caption]

Juneteenth & Black Joy? On January 1, 1863, President Abraham Lincoln issued the Emancipation Proclamation dictating that all enslaved persons in the “rebellious states” were free. For many of us, this was taught as the moment that all slaves were freed in America. But for most enslaved folks in the “rebellious states,” this proclamation was little more than lip service and many of them were not aware of this proclamation. They continued about their day; they did the tasks that were demanded of them; they were still brutalized and treated like property, families were still torn apart, and nothing changed. Though they were freed, it was not enforceable in the land still under Confederate control. Slowly this decree of freedom made its way into the rebel-controlled places, and finally on June 19, 1865, in Galveston Bay, Texas, freedom was announced for the more than 250,000 enslaved black folks. This day came to be known as Juneteenth.

Even after June 19, 1865, when emancipation finally came for Black folks in Texas, the path forward in American society was not without pain and continued torment. So why celebrate the anniversary of your liberation when you do not experience all the freedoms that this country offers? The answer is rooted in communities embracing Black joy and reclaiming their narrative. It is in the choice to see the injustice they face due to white supremacy and turn to celebrate, inspire, and uplift Black culture in an act of resistance against white supremacy. In 2020, Upset Homegirls co-founder, Brandy Factory said,

“Black Joy affirms that I am not a victim. I am an agent of change. It rejects the idea that violence... injustice, discrimination, prejudice, and dominance over others are normal and acceptable actions."

As communities come together to celebrate Juneteenth, it is with the spirit of embracing Black joy. We get together with music, food, and celebration to highlight how far the Black community has come and to root ourselves in hope for how far there still is to go. This spirit of celebration is for everyone, no matter your race, culture or background. You do not have to be from the Black community to embrace Black Joy.

[caption id="attachment_73427" align="alignleft" width="242"] Tracey Michae’l Lewis-Giggetts 2022 book, Black Joy: Stories of Resistance, Resilience, and Restoration was awarded the NAACP Image Award for Outstanding Literary Work.[/caption]

How Can Others Embrace Black Joy? Society has often said that the plight of the Black Community has long been over. There has always been a movement to make the Black community small and that movement has always been rooted in white supremacy.

“Stop making it a race issue.”

“Don’t play the race card.”

“Don’t listen to that music, it’s too loud and angry.”

“Stop talking like that.”

“Don’t eat that, it’s bad for you.”

All these common phrases have a root in attempting to make the Black community take up less space in American society. So, what does that mean for the person who is not a part of the Black community and how might you support embracing Black joy?

Embracing Black Joy: Uplift Black Voices When society attempts to silence Black voices, use your position and the privilege you hold to uplift Black voices. Embracing Black joy is uplifting the voices and reclaiming the narrative of the Black Community from a place of victimhood to a position of resilience and strength. Consider supporting the following organizations that are doing amazing work uplifting Black voices in our community:

Harriet’s Books & Ida’s Books work to highlight black and brown voices through writing, art, and activism.
The Black Brain Campaign works to eradicate the stigma of Mental Health in the black community and reclaim the narrative of healing and resiliency.

Embracing Black Joy: Challenge White Supremacy In a society rooted in and built on white supremacy practices, take time to challenge long-held beliefs about race in this country. Go out of your comfort zone and connect with communities that you would not otherwise engage with. Read literature and connect with the art that is rooted in the Black community. Give yourself the opportunity to try foods that are staples in Black communities and may stand outside what American society has stereotyped as “Black food.”

When it comes to literature, check out some of the following books:

Black Joy: Stories of Resistance, Resilience, and Restoration
You Are Your Best Thing: Vulnerability, Shame Resilience, and the Black Experience
Black Boy Joy: 17 Stories Celebrating Black Boyhood
The Hill We Climb: An Inaugural Poem for the Country
Black, White, and The Grey: The Story of an Unexpected Friendship and a Beloved Restaurant

Embracing Black Joy: Celebrate For Juneteenth there are many local opportunities to celebrate with the Black community so take the opportunity to do some research. Who is gathering? Where are they gathering? How can I get involved? If you are not a part of the Black community, you can still take the time to uplift and support these gatherings and come together in the spirit of promoting Black joy. If you can not get out to a celebration, another way to embrace Black joy is by supporting Black artists. The following are just some of the amazing Black artists in the Philadelphia region who deserve your support:

GOLD + WATER CO. is a black woman-owned boutique soapery and wellness advocate in Philadelphia, PA embracing the ideals that “you are the luxury”.
Urban Art Gallery’s goal is to create an exciting venue where emerging artists can exhibit and sell their work.
Mount Airy Candle Co. offers handmade gifts for loved ones and is a black-owned operation located in Philadelphia.

Part of Black Joy is reclaiming your narrative. It is transitioning from victim to resilient. This is hard work, and you do not have to do it alone. Reach out to Council for Relationships today and connect with one of our therapists to support you on your journey.

[caption id="attachment_73428" align="alignleft" width="260"] Allen-Michael Lewis, LMFT, AS, is a founding member of CFR's Racial Equity Working Group.[/caption]

About the Author Allen-Michael Lewis, LMFT, AS, is Council for Relationship's Director of Clinical Internships and is a Staff Therapist. If you have questions about Black joy or Juneteenth, or if you would like to request an appointment with Allen-Michael, click here.

More from CFR https://councilforrelationships.org/how-to-find-joy/

https://councilforrelationships.org/help-daughter-find-voice/

https://councilforrelationships.org/black-men-heal-featured-on-the-breakfast-club/

You Are Your Best Thing: Vulnerability, Shame Resilience, and the Black Experience

The Hill We Climb: An Inaugural Poem for the Country

Black Joy: Stories of Resistance, Resilience, and Restoration

Black, White, and The Grey: The Story of an Unexpected Friendship and a Beloved Restaurant

Black Boy Joy: 17 Stories Celebrating Black Boyhood

View Details

Americans live in a time of growing societal rifts. One such yawning divide is on how we treat and view members of the LGBTQ+ community. The people who are most harmed by the backlash against the queer and transgender community are, predictably, children. Already disproportionally impacted by discriminatory practices and laws, LGBTQ+ youth are enduring a mental health crisis only exasperated by increased prejudice against even their very right to exist. We, as parents, as teachers, and as a society, must do better. Read on to learn more about how to support LGBTQ+ youth in 2023.

[caption id="attachment_73414" align="alignleft" width="300"] White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre (pictured here) in May 2023 stated that the White House, "celebrate(s) the strength, resilience, and bravery of the LGBTQI+ community..."[/caption]

LGBTQ+ youth are experiencing a mental health crisis I have been working in a high school environment as a school social worker in New Jersey since 2016. When I first started, I noticed that support for LGBTQ+ students in school was way more than I had noticed as a teenager. The schools I have worked in have Gay-Straight Alliance clubs (commonly referred to as, "GSAs"). Students identify by the name and pronouns of their choosing; not by the names and pronouns chosen by others at their birth. And if students want to change their name or pronouns, it is expected that we respect their wishes. And perhaps the most important change is that staff and students visibly show support for LGBTQ+ students and celebrate Pride Month.

Celebrating and embracing LGBTQ+ young people has been, and continues to be, crucial to the mental health of these young people. According to The Trevor Project, 45% of LGBTQ youth seriously considered attempting suicide in 2021 and fewer than 1 in 3 transgender and nonbinary youth found their home to be gender-affirming.

[caption id="attachment_73412" align="alignright" width="300"] Florida Governor Ron DeSantis (pictured here) signed the Parental Rights in Education Act in March 2023 to restrict the teaching of LGBTQ+ material in Florida schools.[/caption]

A "State of Emergency" for LGBTQ+ People I feel that cultural, political, and societal acceptance of LGBTQ+ young people is shifting...and not in a good way.

Florida’s “Don’t Say Gay” bill unleased a new wave of anti-LGBTQ+ sentiment that is gaining traction in many schools, even in safe haven states where LGBTQ+ rights are protected. From overtly banning any discussion of LGBTQ+ topics to subtle changes to school-based curriculum about sexual orientation and gender identification, schools are becoming political battlegrounds when they were previously safe havens.

The Human Rights Campaign has officially declared a state of emergency for LGBTQ+ people. The suicide rates for LGBTQ+ adolescents are higher than their cisgender/heterosexual counterparts, so taking away their safe spaces and safe people will increase the mental health issues and rates of suicidal ideation in this population. The aforementioned study by The Trevor Project also reports that LGBTQ youth who found their school to be LGBTQ-affirming reported lower rates of attempting suicide. The choices we adults make can save the lives of queer and transgender children.

[caption id="attachment_73413" align="alignleft" width="300"] Grace Sterling Stowell (pictured here) is the Founder and Executive Director of BAGLY, the nations oldest LGBTQ+ youth organization.[/caption]

How to support LGBTQ+ youth in 2023 The time is now to stand up for the mental health of all our children and students...but especially the most vulnerable. This is a call to action for all of the allies, all of the parents of LGBTQ+ students, all of the teachers, administrators, and school staff who want school to continue to be a safe place for ALL students to learn.

If you are a parent or guardian of an LGBTQ+ child, immediately take the following four actions to support the LGBTQ+ children in their lives:

Get involved in your child’s school. Show up to school board meetings to advocate for your child’s needs. School board meetings hotly debate age-appropriate, inclusive sex education across all school levels. These conversations typically include whether gender identity and sexual orientation should even be discussed at school. School board members are often persuaded by the parents in the district, because they are the ones who vote to put them in office. Join the Parent Teacher Association (PTA), and advocate for more school-wide initiatives to promote understanding and inclusion. The more voices that support LGBTQ+ students, the more likely the school board will support inclusive school-wide initiatives.
Push for more inclusive education that allows for discussions on gender identity and sexual orientation as well as LGBTQ+ history as part of the curriculum. Many states already mandate these inclusions, but many schools are finding ways to minimize any inclusive changes to the curriculum.
Demand that school staff receive continuing education on the needs of LGBTQ+ students. Many staff members are great allies; however, many are not. Offering more opportunities to learn about the needs of LGBTQ+ students, and how teachers and staff can be better allies will help shift the culture of the school as well as improve the support the students receive.
Advocate for safe spaces for your child including GSAs, if one doesn’t already exist. Having a safe space to gather with other students who may have similar identities can help students feel a sense of camaraderie and support that other clubs and groups may not be able to provide.

If you are a teacher or other school personnel, immediately take the following actions to protect your queer and transgender students:

Show students that you are a safe person and a safe place. Representation Matters. Use LGBTQ+ inclusive language in your teaching examples. For example, if you are writing work problems for a math class, incorporate gender-neutral pronouns into the problem. This could like something similar to the following: Ace finished a book. They calculated that they finished 90 more pages than they have yet to read. How long is their book?
Be a role model. Students look up to you, and you set the tone for your classroom or school environment. Use your student’s pronouns and chosen name. If you misgender a student, correct yourself. Address bullying and discrimination of LGBTQ+ students in real time. Offer to educate other staff members who may be struggling to support LGBTQ+ students.
Get support. If you’re struggling with support LGBTQ+ students, whether for personal, political, or other reasons, find a network that will support your growth. If your personal network is not supportive, find a professional who can help.
Attend school board meetings to show your support for LGBTQ+ inclusion in the curriculum from a staff perspective.
Know which resources in the area are LGBTQ+ inclusive, and make referrals when needed to support your students. Important national resources include GLSEN, PFLAG, and The Trevor Project. If you are in the Philadelphia region, consider The Attic Youth Center, The Mazzoni Center, and The Pride Center of NJ.

When our children, especially our LGBTQ+ children, feel accepted, celebrated, loved, and safe, their mental health will thrive. And when our children thrive, our society as a whole can truly thrive.

[caption id="attachment_72556" align="alignleft" width="260"] CFR Staff Therapist Danielle Silverman, LCSW, MEd, specializes in, among other things, LGBTQ+ youth mental health.[/caption]

About the Author Danielle Silverman, LCSW, MEd, is a Staff Therapist at Council for Relationships. If you have questions for Danielle about how to support LGBTQ+ youth in 2023, or if you would like to schedule an appointment with her, you may reach her at dsilverman@councilforrelationships.org or 215-382-6680 ext. 7015.

More from CFR https://councilforrelationships.org/lgbtq-competent/

https://councilforrelationships.org/transgender-day-of-visibility-and-mental-health/

https://councilforrelationships.org/learning-from-caitlyn-jenner-supporting-transgender-people/

View Details

The time between the conclusion of Asian American and Pacific Islander Heritage Month (AAPI Heritage Month) and the celebration of Juneteenth is a great opportunity to reflect on the complexities of racial justice. CFR Staff Psychiatrist Dr. Maura Dunfey shares how her experience raising biracial children, having a grandfather who fought the Japanese in World War II, and her understanding of post-traumatic growth to view racial justice through tragic optimism.

[caption id="attachment_73365" align="alignleft" width="300"] 15,000 - 20,000 Chinese workers built the Transcontinental Railroad despite horrendous working conditions and ongoing racism.[/caption]

Reflections on My Children's Biracial Identity Over the past month, I have been reflecting on my husband’s Taiwanese heritage, our children’s biracial identity, and our unexpectedly intertwined family histories from 78 years ago. May is AAPI Heritage Month, which recognizes and honors the achievements and influences of Asian American and Pacific Islander Americans who have helped shape the culture and history of the United States.

In 1992, Congress established May as AAPI Heritage Month to coincide with two key milestones: the arrival of the nation’s first Japanese immigrants (May 7, 1843) and Chinese workers’ pivotal role in building the transcontinental railroad (completed, May 10, 1869). The move expanded what had been Asian/Pacific American Heritage Week since 1978. In 2021, a presidential proclamation expanded this to include Native Hawaiians.

[caption id="attachment_73362" align="alignright" width="300"] The Okinawa Prefectural Peace Park (pictured here) is part of the Cornerstone of Peace in Itoman, Okinawa, Japan.[/caption]

10,000 Miles and Back The end of AAPI Heritage Month coincided with Memorial Day, which provided an opportunity for further reflection. My grandfather was a 1st Lieutenant in the 6th Marine Division during WWII. He fought in Guam and in the Battle of Okinawa. He was wounded in a rice paddy where he lay for 6 hours waiting for it to be safe enough to evacuate. He had multiple surgeries overseas but was eventually able to make it home safely.

I have a vague memory of wanting to talk to my grandfather about what I perceived to be some type of prejudicial language with racial undertones. However, I can not remember specific details. I remember being advised to not have the conversation because my grandparents were a “different generation.” I often wonder what that conversation would have been like. I imagine it could have been an opportunity for deeper understanding and growth. By the time I came around, my grandfather had done years of soul searching, self-reflection, and reconciling with his past.

In 1987, my grandfather made the 10,000+ mile trip back to Okinawa, Japan with five to six dozen USMC 6th Division veterans for the dedication of a 25-foot high, granite statue in honor of fallen comrades, Japanese soldiers, and civilians. He noted that it was “the first time that any memorial has been put up in collaboration with the enemy… erected by both the US and Japanese veterans, who were once adversaries on the battlefield. It represents an epic moment in [World War II] history, standing proudly as a symbol of man’s ability to effect a reconciliation from even the most adverse conditions.”

[caption id="attachment_73363" align="alignleft" width="300"] Map of the United States showing the percentage of people with Taiwanese ancestry.[/caption]

My Grandfather May Have Been Ahead of His Time 30 years later, I’ve had relatives proudly declare that they’ve never thought of my children as biracial or my husband as Taiwanese American in spite of my politely asking and then pleading with them to do so. The same idea that they are a “different generation” is used as a reason for their ignorance. At the end of AAPI Heritage Month 2023 and in recognition of Memorial Day, it seems reasonable to emphatically state that being of a “different generation” is not a valid reason for bigotry, ignorance, hate, or intolerance.

My grandfather may have been ahead of his time. He found a way through personal tragedy to question the systemic forces of war, reconcile with enemies, and stay true to his democratic values – for which he had nearly lost his life. He did not perpetuate the hate, bigotry, and intolerance that he so easily could have. In 1981, he wrote: “After 37 years, I am still asking myself – why? Why did we fight, why did I ever meet these wonderful people who died so I could live? And why do we fight in the first place… There must be a better way, but we are not bright enough to see it.”

[caption id="attachment_73364" align="alignright" width="205"] Viktor Emil Frankl (pictured here) was a Jewish-Austrian holocaust survivor and psychiatrist who founded logotherapy, a school of psychotherapy that describes a search for a life's meaning as the central human motivational force.[/caption]

Post-Traumatic Growth I am reminded of two blogs by fellow Racial Equity Working Group colleagues from the past few years. Last year, Allen-Michael Lewis, MS, LMFT wrote, “Being able to shy away from conversations about racism and prejudice is a privilege that you may have that BIPOC [children] do not have.”

At the end of 2020, Dr. Bea Hollander-Goldfein, LMFT, wrote about the pandemic, “When researchers and clinicians look at who copes well in crisis and even grows through it, it is not those who push away and distract from their feelings; it’s not those who focus on pursuing happiness to feel better; it’s those who cultivate an attitude of tragic optimism." The term was coined by Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor, and psychiatrist from Vienna, who authored the 1946 book, Man’s Search for Meaning. Tragic optimism is defined as “the ability to maintain hope and find meaning in life, despite its inescapable pain, loss, and suffering.”

Dr. Hollander-Goldfein added to this definition the “undeniable reality that pain, loss, suffering, and difficulty are a part of life for all of us. It is also true that life is rich with the potential for meaning, joy, fulfillment, spiritual expression, and human connection.” She writes, “In general, resilient people have intensely negative reactions to trauma, just like those people who have a hard time coping. They experience despair and stress and acknowledge the horror of what’s happening like anybody else. But even in the darkest of places, they see glimmers of light, and this ultimately sustains them.”

“Even more than helping them cope, adopting the spirit of tragic optimism enables people actually to grow through adversity. We know that only a small percentage of people actually develop Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) after trauma, while, on average, from one-half to two-thirds of trauma survivors exhibit what is known as Post-Traumatic Growth. It’s not the adversity itself that leads to growth. It’s how people respond to it.”

Psychologists Dr. Richard Tedeschi and Dr. Lawrence Calhoun coined the term “Post-Traumatic Growth” in the 1990s. “The people who grow after a crisis spend a lot of time trying to make sense of what happened and understanding how it changed them.” In other words, they search for and find positive meaning.

[caption id="attachment_73367" align="alignleft" width="263"] On June 19, 1865, Union General Gordon Granger informed the African American citizens of Galveston, Texas that all slaves were emancipated months after the Civil War's conclusion.[/caption]

Racial Justice Through Tragic Optimism I am grateful for the tragic optimism and post-traumatic growth that has been passed on to me by my parents, grandparents, and countless other family members. It is a daily source of strength for me and it fuels the responsibility we bear as allies to be proactive (not reactive), to show up early, to speak up and speak out, and to intervene when necessary. With glimmers of light, hope, and strength, I look ahead to the upcoming Juneteenth holiday, where we will honor Black Americans' resilience, connection, and joy in the midst of ongoing adversity.

[caption id="attachment_73368" align="alignright" width="260"] Dr. Maura Dunfey (pictured here) is a Staff Psychiatrist at Council for Relationships.[/caption]

About the Author Dr. Maura Dunfey is board certified in General Psychiatry and Child and Adolescent Psychiatry and has additional certification as a Child and Family Therapist. If you have questions about racial justice through tragic optimism, or if you are interested in a psychiatry appointment, click here to request an appointment.

You may reach Dr. Dunfey at mdunfey@councilforrelationships.org or 215-382-6680 ext. 7058.

See our Therapist & Psychiatrist Directory to find a different CFR therapist or psychiatrist near you.

About CFR's Psychiatric Services CFR Staff Psychiatrists are trained medical doctors who can evaluate whether medication would be helpful in a client’s treatment. They can prescribe medications and provide ongoing medication management. Staff Psychiatrists also provide psychotherapy, as do CFR's staff therapists.

To learn more about CFR's Psychiatric Services, and to request an appointment, click here.

More from CFR https://councilforrelationships.org/i-dont-see-color-white-caregivers-raising-bipoc-children/

https://councilforrelationships.org/understanding-disasters/

https://councilforrelationships.org/shifting-perspectives-confusion-as-the-new-norm-part-i-tragic-optimism-post-traumatic-growth-and-grief/

View Details

COVID changed everything, and mental health professionals were certainly not exempt. The role mental health professionals (that is, therapist, psychologist, psychiatrists, etc.) played during the pandemic was invaluable...and certainly unique. As we move further from the quarantine days of 2020-2021, many aspects of mental health care continue to evolve, including how practitioners do the business of therapy. With June 9th being National Sex Day, and Council for Relationships being home to some of the best Sex Therapists in the field, CFR's Director of the Post Graduate Certificate Program in Sex Therapy, Dr. James Wadley, reflects on how he navigated the pandemic while also maintaining his practice, and provides an inside look into the business of sex therapy in 2023.

[caption id="attachment_73319" align="alignleft" width="300"] Alfred Kinsey (pictured here) was a pioneering American Sexologist best known for developing the Heterosexual-Homosexual Rating Scale commonly known as the Kinsey Scale.[/caption]

The Business of Sex Therapy During COVID The COVID pandemic quarantine was difficult for many as it was an unanticipated global phenomenon that impacted families and communities. Confusion about wearing masks, vaccinations, distance between one another, and lots of information and misinformation made personal, relational, and familial decision making tough for everyone. As a sexuality therapist and practitioner, it was hard for me to think through how I could be “there” for my family as well as for my clients. Navigation through the unknown had a lot of physical, emotional, and even financial pitfalls. Up until the pandemic, I had never considered meeting with clients via telehealth but because of the high transmissibility of the virus, I decided to close my practice locations and begin to see clients from home.

Providing quality therapy from home while monitoring my youngest son’s experience of first grade via Zoom was challenging. Similar to most families experience of the quarantine, my partner and I’s experience of getting him to sit still, focus, and learn over the course of a school day was a daunting task. Like many of his classmates, he wiggled in his seat and found himself easily distracted by my cat, Waffles, who would frequently approach him at his desk (dinner table) for a treat. I worked from my laptop and offered my clients scores of apologies for family disruptions and intrusions and they were all very graceful and compassionate as we continued to work through relational, emotional, and sexual health issues. My clients’ identities were never revealed to anyone in my family as I continued to observe HIPAA standards, but for many therapists, it was hard to get into a good rhythm of setting spatial boundaries while working from home.

[caption id="attachment_73320" align="alignright" width="257"] Famed Sex Therapist Ruth Westheimer (pictured here), often referred to simply as Dr. Ruth, is also a talk show host, author, and Holocaust survivor.[/caption]

A Sex Therapist Ponders both Clinical and Business Questions When there was down time over the quarantine, I had a chance to reflect upon my clinical and business experiences in the field. As a family systems therapist, I had always subscribed to the notion of “everyone should be in the room” during therapy in order to change the system. The system impacts individual and relational function and dysfunction. Good therapy is always done in person, face to face. Because of the quarantine, that model could no longer work as at one time; it was too dangerous to meet with clients in my office due to transmission of the virus. So I began to ponder and process the following three clinical questions:

Will my clients be open to meeting with me via telehealth since there is no face-to-face contact?
How will telehealth impact the work that I do as a therapist? Will I be able to successfully help my clients reach their goals?
Will my internet be able to consistently sustain telehealth platforms?

I also pondered and processed a few business-related questions:

Once I stop seeing clients in New Jersey or Pennsylvania at my office, should I continue to pay rent and will my landlord let me out of my lease?
Will I pay for storage for my furniture? Who will help me move furniture during a pandemic and what are the costs for a moving company?
How will my revenue fluctuate once I see clients via telehealth and how will that change affect my income and quality of living?

[caption id="attachment_73321" align="alignleft" width="300"] Pictured here are William H. Masters (right) and Virginia E. Johnson (left), who pioneered research into the nature of human sexual response and the diagnosis and treatment of sexual disorders and dysfunctions from 1957 until the 1990s.[/caption]

The Business of Sex Therapy I rented my Philadelphia office from 2007 until 2020. It wasn’t all that fancy, but I had a lot of pride because it was one of the first spaces where I was a completely independent as a professional. The cost of my space was $500 a month. My landlord never raised the rent and never made any repairs to the heat or air conditioning. My lease expired around 2009 and shifted to a “month- to-month” contractual arrangement. When I shared with my landlord that I wanted to close the office in 2020 due to the pandemic, he was grateful and thankful for the business relationship that we had over the years.

I packed up several boxes and gave away my office furniture to a local shelter. It was hard to let go of a lot of items (that is, books, knick-knacks, pictures, etc.) because it felt like a chapter in my life had ended. I continue to mourn the loss of the space because like most things in life, change was unanticipated but necessary.

Similarly, for my office in New Jersey, my landlord was relatively lenient and understanding about shifting our lease agreement— but he still wanted his money). He reduced my rent of $950 to $475. I was still responsible for the balance of the lease (about $12,000) when I moved out in 2020, but I was given an opportunity to pay less for the foreseeable future. Without knowing the amount of revenue that I would generate, I accepted it because I was able to save some money each month.

Between clients, helping my son with schoolwork, grieving the loss of my mother-in-law, and managing other aspects of the pandemic and quarantine, I thought about my lack of knowledge about business related concepts while working from home. I wish that I had taken at least one business course just so I could understand a few concepts so that I would not (figuratively) bump my head and have to pay a lot of money for my mistakes.

[caption id="attachment_73322" align="alignright" width="230"] Patricia Schiller (pictured here) founded the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) in 1967, the first professional organization for sexuality educators, sexuality counselors and sex therapists.[/caption]

The Business of Sex Therapy in 2023 and Beyond? With all the years of schooling and continuing education, I had no clue about developing a business. I felt disempowered but could only blame myself for not pushing myself over the years to learn more about the art of business.

Most clinical mental health, social work, wellness, and sexuality therapy programs do not have a business component as a part of their curriculum. It is unfortunate because there are many sexual and relational health and wellness practitioners who move into private or group practice; set up or work in a nonprofit; accept or create a “gig”; take an academic or administrative position at a college or university; become entrepreneurs; or engage in some sort of commercial practice. Sometimes when we (practitioners) are invited to talk about business or acquiring financial resources, we really struggle to find language and meaning about the relationship that each of us have with money. For some of us, conversations about money are activating, triggering, or even traumatic due to our familial or relational history of financial abuse, abandonment, or neglect. For others of us, we welcome the opportunity to have candid dialogue but we may not be sure about what to ask or disclose.

Given this deficit of our field, more spaces are needed for sexual, relational, and mental health professionals to share their business-related experiences so that our field could begin to have more formal discussions about financial negotiations, management, marketing, and planning. As a mental, relational, or sexual health professional, what business decisions have you had to make over the past five years?

[caption id="attachment_73324" align="alignleft" width="240"] Dr. James Wadley (pictured here) is the Director of CFR's Post Graduate Certificate Program in Sex Therapy.[/caption]

About the Author Dr. James Wadley, CST-S, is Director of the Sex Therapy Program at Council for Relationships. As a scholar-practitioner, he is a licensed professional counselor. He is the founding editor of the scholarly, interdisciplinary journal, the Journal of Black Sexuality and Relationships (University of Nebraska Press). He is also the founder and Principal of the Association of Black Sexologists and Clinicians. If you have questions about the business of sex therapy in 2023, email Dr. Wadley at jwadley@councilforrelationships.org.

Are you looking for a sex therapy appointment? See our Therapist & Psychiatrist Directory to find a CFR therapist or psychiatrist near you.

About CFR's Post Graduate Certification Program in Sex Therapy CFR hosts a unique program offering clinical, supervisory, and educational components for AASECT sex therapy certification. Clinical, supervisory, and educational components for sex therapy certification are typically offered onsite – but are currently online due to COVID-19. The curriculum is designed for post-graduate clinicians who want to expand their clinical repertoire in sexuality.

Click here to learn more about CFR's Post Graduate Certification Program in Sex Therapy and to apply to join our next cohort to become a certified Sex Therapist.

More from CFR https://councilforrelationships.org/relationship-responsibility/

https://councilforrelationships.org/lgbtq-competent/

https://councilforrelationships.org/what-is-sex-therapy/

View Details

Memorial Day this year is Monday, May 29, 2023. Unlike Veterans Day in November when we honor all who have served, Memorial Day honors all who have died for our country, particularly in battle or from wounds they suffered in battle. So many are impacted by the loss of a loved one who served the United States. At CFR, we honor those who've lost their lives serving our country by supporting the mental health of Veterans' families with the highest quality, culturally-competent mental health care.

[caption id="attachment_73200" align="alignleft" width="300"] Philadelphia National Cemetery (pictured here) was one of 14 national cemeteries established in 1862 and was registered as a National Historic Place in 1997.[/caption]

The ongoing mental health trauma families of Veterans who diedOver one million people have given their lives since 1775 to protect our country and our freedoms. Memorial Day customs include displaying the American flag at half-staff until noon and then raising it to the top of the staff, visiting cemeteries, and placing flags and flowers on the graves of veterans.

In the Philadelphia area there are three national cemeteries open to visitors. They are the Philadelphia National Cemetery, Washington Crossing, and Mount Moriah Cemetery Soldiers’ Lot and Naval Plot. Other Memorial Day commemorations include attending a Memorial Day service, viewing a parade, observing a moment of silence, or wearing a red poppy as a symbol of the fallen.

These actions are important and remind us of the sacrifice others have made on our behalf. And yet, as Jennifer Mulhern Granholm, former Governor of Michigan has stated,

“Ceremonies are important. But our gratitude has to be more than visits to the troops, and once-a-year Memorial Day ceremonies. We honor the dead best by treating the living well.”

Her words resonate with Council for Relationships who is committed to serving service members, veterans and their families through counseling services in the Delaware Valley region, from clinicians trained in military cultural competency or who are themselves veterans or veteran-connected family members.

[caption id="attachment_73201" align="alignright" width="300"] The Headstrong Project is a nonprofit organization founded in 2012 in New York City.[/caption]

Addressing the mental health needs of Veterans and their familiesSince 2007 CFR has provided valuable services to Veterans and their family members throughout the region through Operation Home and Healing (OHH). OHH provides counseling to active duty, National Guard, Veterans, and their families by clinicians trained in military cultural competency through in person visits or online therapy.

CFR offers a 15-hour course in Understanding Military Culture and Behavioral Health Treatment for Veterans and Families. It is a four-week course and is worth 15 CE credits. I encourage you to sign up for the course. CFR is committed to training its students and staff in military culture to provide culturally sensitive therapy to the military and veteran communities. There are no restrictions on the number of sessions, nor are military discharge papers, or DD214s, required. Importantly, family members may be treated with or without the service member or Veteran present.

Currently, CFR is a provider of counseling services through The Headstrong Project. Headstrong is a national non-profit committed to providing up to 31 cost-free therapy sessions. Thereafter these sessions are offered for a small copay. There are no waiting lists for services provided by OHH through Headstrong. These sessions are confidential for service members, veterans, and family members from any era of service. To request Headstrong services, here is the link. CFR has also received a PA Veterans Trust Fund grant to provide subsidized counseling for people who do not qualify for Headstrong services.

[caption id="attachment_73202" align="alignleft" width="300"] The Northport VA Medical Center on Long Island, NY, (pictured here) was first established in 1941 to conduct clinical and biomedical research in neuropsychiatric disorders.[/caption]

The unique mental health needs of Veterans and their familiesService members often face challenges reintegrating back into their families. The separation from the family environment for weeks or months of stressful military duty has the potential to create relationship problems for service members and their loved ones.

While away from the family, issues arise such as: what information to communicate; how much detail to share; and how to maintain appropriate and healthy dialogue between the spouse/family at home and the service member. Upon returning to the family, roles often have to be renegotiated and relationships rebuilt. Exploring answers to these questions and finding healthy ways to address these problems and promote family resiliency are examples of topics CFR therapists will engage military and veteran clients with.

CFR is ready to support the mental health needs of Veterans and their familiesIf you know of anyone who needs help with their thoughts and feelings about readjusting to civilian life or for any other issue, refer them to CFR Client Care at 215-382-6680 ext. 1 or request an appointment by filling out an online form. We will return their call within 48 hours.

We are motivated to help our warriors and their families for the sacrifices they made for us and to secure our freedom. Through Operation Home and Healing services at CFR we honor, those who serve today and those who have served in the past. As Rodney Frelinghuysen, former US Representative from New Jersey stated, “Veterans are a symbol of what makes our nation great, and we must never forget all they have done to ensure our freedom.”

[caption id="attachment_72335" align="alignleft" width="277"] Dr. Nancy Isserman, MSW, (pictured here) has dedicated her career to tackling the mental health needs of Veterans and their families.[/caption]

About the AuthorNancy Isserman, MSW, PhD, is Director of Operation Home and Healing, and the Co-Director of the Transcending Trauma Project. She is also co-author of Transcending Trauma: Survival, Resilience and Clinical Implications in Survivor Families.

If you have questions about supporting the mental health of Veterans' families, you may reach Dr. Isserman at nisserman@councilforrelationships.org or 215-395-3140 ext. 3133.

See our Therapist & Psychiatrist Directory to find a CFR therapist or psychiatrist near you.

About Operation Home & HealingCFR’s Operation Home and Healing (OHH) provides counseling for active-duty service members, members of the National Guard and Reserves, and veterans of all eras (regardless of their characterization of discharge or combat status), and their spouses.

Click here to learn more about OHH.

More from CFRhttps://councilforrelationships.org/impact-spotlight-operation-home-and-healing/

https://councilforrelationships.org/this-memorial-day/

https://councilforrelationships.org/memorial-day-honoring-the-dead-by-serving-the-living/

View Details

Too often our relationships with our loved ones are unbalanced. Many people feel as if they are being asked to do too much...or perhaps they feel as if they are not carrying equal weight. When it comes to our relationships, we should strive for balance and to identify evidence that things may have gotten lopsided. Read on the learn more about balanced and unbalanced relationship responsibility.

[caption id="attachment_73184" align="alignleft" width="300"] Dr. John Gottman (pictured here, left) and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman (pictured here, right) are cofounders of The Gottman Institute, a leader in a researched-based approach to relationships.[/caption]

Relationship Responsibility Runs Across GenerationsAs a condition of childhood, each of us feels some level of responsibility for our parents, arising from concern for our parents’ wellbeing or from insecurity about our relationship with our parents. This felt responsibility is intense in families where parents could not or did not seem to take responsibility for themselves (if, for example, one or both parents were not fully functional due to illness, emotional condition, substance use, interpersonal conflict, chronic stress, financial hardship, natural disaster, or other circumstance). This felt responsibility is also very strong for those of us whose parents could not or did not seem to take responsibility for us or for their relationship with us (if, for example, parents were grossly inattentive, emotionally unavailable, neglectful, or abusive or failed to protect the children).

When our parents cannot take adequate responsibility for themselves, us, or their relationship with us, we come to believe that this is either our fault or our duty to change. We feel responsible for our parents and our relationship with them. With this generational reversal of responsibility, we tend to become anxious (for ourselves and our parents) and develop deep feelings of shame, guilt, inadequacy, failure, and poor self-worth. These feelings may manifest as an extreme need to please, difficulty setting appropriate limits or boundaries, unhealthy striving for success, hypersensitivity to criticism, and defensiveness; even as emotional shutdown, escape into substance abuse, or compulsive behavior.

Having developed this template for relationships in childhood, each of us feels as responsible for others in adulthood as we did for our parents. This felt sense of responsibility is most intense in our most intimate relationships. We can, for example, marry (or be in an extended intimate relationship with) only someone for whom we feel as responsible as we did for our parents.

Unbalanced Relationship ResponsibilityWhen our sense of responsibility for others is very intense, our relationship responsibility is unbalanced. We feel over-responsible for others and equally under-responsible for ourselves.

Over-responsibility for others includes feeling another’s feeling for them; taking over for, talking for, mediating for, or making excuses for someone else; monitoring another person by word or gesture; bailing someone out; interpreting, second-guessing, or anticipating what someone is saying; feeling or acting responsible for someone else’s feelings (such as anger, depression, or even their happiness) or someone else’s behavior (like their drinking, success, failure, or acting foolish).

Under-responsibility for one's self includes not speaking up about what is important to us; not being able to ask for what we want or need; not being able to say “no” to others; not wanting to burden or bother others with what we want, think, or feel; being controlled by what we expect someone’s reaction to be; letting someone else take over for us, speak for us, or interpret what we mean.

[caption id="attachment_72527" align="alignright" width="238"] Dr. Emily Mudd (pictured here) was a pioneer in family therapy and relationships. In 1932 she founded the Council for Relationships.[/caption]

Balanced Relationship ResponsibilityEach of us as an adult is 100% responsible for ourselves. Failure to take full responsibility for ourselves is under-responsibility for ourselves.

Each of us as an adult is 0% responsible for another adult. Acting or feeling responsible for another adult is over-responsibility for others.

Each of us as an adult is 50% responsible for what we have in common with another adult (children, household, finances, etc.) to be agreed upon in some equitable balance.

Each of us is required to be 100% responsive to others, that is, to hear them out, take them seriously, and respond with equanimity, taking them, ourselves, and the circumstances into account.

In AA language, unbalanced relationship responsibility is labeled "codependence" or "enabling." In mental health circles, unbalanced relational responsibility is subsumed under the concepts of as reactivity, parentification, projection, and poor (rigid or weak) boundaries. Relationship balance is thought of as differentiation or individuation.

Under- and Over-Responsibility are Matched and Paired in All Our RelationshipsTo the extent that I am over-responsible for others, I am under-responsible for myself. To the extent that I am under-responsible for myself, I pull the over-responsible part of someone else to step in and take care of the under-responsibility part of me.

The following are common over- and under-responsibility pairings:

Across generations (our parents to each of us, us to each of our children).
Across contemporary relationships (between us and any other person in our lives but strongest in closest relationships).
Within ourselves (between the over- and under-responsible parts of ourselves).

Relationship Responsibility is Linked to Our Most Basic Feelings about OurselvesTo the extent that we are over-responsible to others, we maintain our self-worth by trying to please others, win their approval, avoid their displeasure, make them feel better, or monitor, fix, or change them. We typically do this even when others want none of these efforts of ours or even reject them vigorously. Any move on our part away from our over-responsible orientation toward others provokes anxiety and guilt. We feel mean, selfish, or worthless.

[caption id="attachment_73186" align="alignleft" width="300"] Dr. Eleanor Maccoby (pictured here, left) and Dr. Carol Jacklin (pictured here, right) published their groundbreaking study, The Psychology of Sex Differences, in 1974.[/caption]

Women and Men Often Experience Relationship Responsibility DifferentlyMen are often seen as under-responsible in troubled relationships. And they may act under-responsible or even irresponsible. This behavior often masks strong unacknowledged dysphoria from feeling over-responsible for the partner. Because men have a lower tolerance for strong emotions, they tend to bury or displace this dysphoria. It often takes the form of control: if I can change (with the “voice of reason,” of course) what you think, feel, want, or do, I will feel calmer. This dysphoria can also lead men to shut down emotionally, distance themselves physically, resort to alcohol or substance use, seek comfort in another relationship, develop a short fuse, and even become violent. When men feel over-responsible for others, they can feel like relationship failures and become highly defensive around being “good enough.” Under-responsibility in men leads to intense (often negative) focus on others (especially the partner), inattentiveness to their own emotional and relationship needs, and excessive search for validation in non-relationship activities, especially work.

Over-responsibility in women leads to deferring to men and over-functioning for men in the emotional, relationship, and family spheres. They become too good for their own good. Under-responsibility in women leads to submissiveness, not attending to their own needs and aspirations in a variety of relationships, devaluing other women in favor of men, loss of a sense of self, and anxiety around abandonment.

Signs of Unbalanced Relationship ResponsibilityIs your relationship responsibility balanced? The following are some signs of an unbalanced relationship responsibility:

Inability or extreme difficulty saying “no” to what others want from us.
Inability or extreme difficulty being clear with someone else about what we want.
Inability or extreme difficulty accepting someone else’s “no” to our request.
Trying to fix someone.
Boredom, burnout, resentment, withdrawal, or cut-off in a relationship.
Confusion about what we think, feel, or want in a particular exchange with someone.
Divided attention or inattentiveness to ourselves or the other person in a particular interaction.
Defensiveness and hypersensitivity to criticism.
Interaction is characterized by the rapid escalation in negative feelings leading to explosive behavior or shutdown.
Believing that it is our job to make someone else happy.
Feeling helpless or powerless in a relationship.
Overstepping our bounds by making inappropriate or unwanted physical contact, getting into someone’s head, intimidating, or threatening someone else emotionally or physically.

Acid Test of Relationship BalanceThe acid test (that is, conclusive test) for relationship balance is the following:

To be with someone we love or care about, who is having a hard time emotionally, AND to stay focused on the other person, to feel our own discomfort, and to do nothing to feel better ourselves.

Is your relationship responsibility balanced? If not, consider requesting a Couples Therapy appointment. Balanced relationships are possible.

[caption id="attachment_73180" align="alignleft" width="260"] Dr. Michael D’Antonio is a Senior Staff Therapist and a specialist in relationship responsibility.[/caption]

About the AuthorMichael D’Antonio, PhD, is a CFR Senior Staff Therapist and is accepting new clients. You may request an appointment with him.

If you have questions about this blog or want to learn more about relationship responsibility, reach out to Michael at mdantonio@councilforrelationships.org or (215)-382-6680 ext. 7010.

See our Therapist & Psychiatrist Directory to find a CFR therapist or psychiatrist near you.

More from CFRhttps://councilforrelationships.org/couples-in-communication/

https://councilforrelationships.org/seeking-balance-in-relationships/

https://councilforrelationships.org/holocaust-survivors-view-tolerance/

View Details

Spirituality can complement and improve your mental health. As American writer and journalist Elizabeth Gilbert has said, "God dwells within you; as you. God dwells within me; as me." You can use spiritualty to help address your mental health concerns. But how? Read on to learn more about using spirituality to improve mental health.

[caption id="attachment_73153" align="alignleft" width="300"] Elizabeth Gilbert's (pictured here) 2003 memoir, Eat, Pray, Love, focuses on themes of spirituality and romance.[/caption]

Spirituality Can Positively Impact Your Mental HealthWhether an individual identifies as religious or spiritual, they are ultimately tapped into a higher power that influences their outlook, values, and approach to life. Religion is composed of a specific set of organized beliefs and practices that are shared within a devout community, whereas spirituality is considered more of an individual practice with emphasis on peace, purpose, and connection with others. Both religion and spirituality share tenants of belief, comfort, reflection ethics, and awe. Famed author Elizabeth Gilbert of “Eat, Pray, Love” once described the Divine as, “the perfection that absorbs.” As an ordained minister and licensed clinician, who has dedicated most of my adult career to these two disciplines, I could not agree with Gilbert more.

There is a gorgeous interplay between spirituality and psychology and when approached from a stance of humility and curiosity, my clients are pleasantly surprised at the complementarity between both schools of thought along with the countless ways that psychology and spirituality can positively impact their mental health. Oftentimes those who subscribe to a spiritual path/practice are open to seeking greater understanding concerning their life’s purpose, professional vocation, relationships, values, and destiny.

[caption id="attachment_73156" align="alignright" width="476"] According to the Public Religion Research Center, Americans are relatively split between whether they are spiritual, religious, both, or neither.[/caption]

Using Spirituality to Improve Mental HealthAs data regarding the connection between the mind and body continue to emerge, the clearer it becomes that spirituality and faith can greatly complement one’s emotional wellness, even improving certain mental health conditions including but not limited to: grief, bereavement, trauma, stress, low self-esteem, anxiety and depression. In some instances, people turn to their faith in times of tumult and crisis in order to make meaning and recover. At other times individuals integrate routine spiritual practices such as prayer, devotionals, praise and worship, studying scripture, meditation, yoga, chanting, or spending time in nature as part of their routine coping skills to quell feelings of stress, angst, or depression.

Some of the benefits of partaking in either a religious and/or spiritual community include: cultivating an established sense of belonging; meaningful social connections with likeminded individuals; and trustworthy and safe social engagement. Attending congregational gatherings such as Sunday service, Saturday Torah readings, consecrated times of prayer at a mosque, or worship at Hindu temples provide structure and intentional socialization. Such gatherings lower anxiety and lift low moods by creating safe and empathic spaces where people can be vulnerable about life’s trials and tribulations, including mental illness or family discord.

Spirituality & Self-CareSpirituality correlates with self-care, which is any intentional action we take to care for our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health. The following are examples of spiritual self-care that can impact our mental health include:

Listen to music
Practice radical acceptance
Understand what you can control and what you cannot
Cultivate a gratitude practice
Light soothing, scented candles
Spend 10 minutes a day in nature
Practice your faith and spirituality wherever applicable
Meditate silently during the workday
Read inspirational quotes/articles/books

[caption id="attachment_73158" align="alignleft" width="214"] Australian Psychologist Sebastian Salicru has written for Psychology Today and other publications on the intersection of spirituality and mental health.[/caption]

A Spirituality Journey All Your OwnFor some people, their spiritual path is invaluable because it affords insight for understanding each of our unique human experiences. Major world religions offer explanations of why suffering exists in the world. For those who subscribe to religious belief systems, these explanations yield a tremendous sense of comfort to those diagnosed with mental illness or struggling interpersonally in relationships. Research suggests that both science and spirituality can serve as companions in helping to answer life’s “why me?” or “why now?” questions. You can access the benefits of peace and relaxation in the company of others or in the comfort of your own home. It is important to think of places, people, and experiences that provide a sense of meaning and solitude when considering a spiritual practice that is most relevant for you and your mental health needs.

[caption id="attachment_71093" align="alignright" width="240"] CFR Staff Therapist Chimère G. Holmes is an expert in using spirituality to improve mental health.[/caption]

About the AuthorChimère G. Holmes, MA, MSEd, LPC, is a CFR Staff Therapist and is accepting new patients. You may request an appointment with her.

If you have questions about this blog or want to learn more about how spirituality can improve mental health, reach out to Chimère at cholmes@councilforrelationships.org or 215-315-7551 ext. 7064.

See our Therapist & Psychiatrist Directory to find a CFR therapist or psychiatrist near you.

More from CFRhttps://councilforrelationships.org/psychology-and-spirituality-can-go-hand-in-hand-when-addressing-mental-health/

https://councilforrelationships.org/challenging-faith-turning-towards-your-higher-power-through-uncertain-times/

https://councilforrelationships.org/the-case-for-supporting-mental-health-nonprofits/

View Details

COVID-19 remains, for me, a unique experience. When the pandemic struck, it was a sudden, global, isolating, traumatic, and life-changing experience. We went into lockdown mode and the loss was huge. It disproportionately affected people of color. The grief and the recovery work are far from being over. I accepted the pandemic for what it is and was; acknowledging my private experiences and guided by my values, I made a commitment to smart goals and a set of actions to add value to my life and the quality of my clinical work. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) tools helped me become more mindful of what I do and my environment.

[caption id="attachment_73033" align="alignleft" width="300"] Bryant McGill (pictured here) is a human potential thought leader, international bestselling author, activist, and social entrepreneur.[/caption]

Sadness is a golden door to inner beautyAuthor Bryant McGill once said, "If you can sit with your pain, listen to your pain and respect your pain—in time you will move through your pain." My loss and pain from the pandemic were transformed into a unique gift: the revelation of the pure me. Sadness is a golden door to inner beauty. Now is the time to share this unique experience with you. No matter what, take a meaningful ACTion towards what is important to you.

What is it that you care about in life? How are you going about it? Do you have an awareness of your thoughts, emotions, feelings, and memories? How do you accept them, and guided by your values, redefine your private experiences to attain a wealthy, meaningful, and purposeful life? How do you identify and empower sets of actions that keep adding value and quality to your life? ACTion has the answer.

[caption id="attachment_73034" align="alignright" width="300"] Dr. Russ Harris (pictured here) is an internationally best-selling author, medical doctor, psychotherapist, life coach, and consultant to the World Health Organization.[/caption]

Take ACTionACT was founded in the 1980s by Professor of Psychology, Steven C. Hayes, and built upon by Kirk Strosahl and Kelly Wilson. Russ Harris made ACT training more popular and he is an internationally recognized trainer. The theoretical background is functional contextualism (that is, philosophy of science) and relational frame theory (that is, theory of language). In his own words, “Acceptance and commitment therapy is an existential, humanistic, mindfulness-based, cognitive therapy." It is an evidence-based therapy; transdiagnostic in character and applicable to all conditions and how one does life.

There are more than 3,000 publications on its efficacy covering a variety of clinical conditions: PTSD, anxiety, depression, chronic medical conditions and co-morbidity, chronic pain, dissociation, and addictive behaviors. Organizations, athletes, Veteran affairs, security and safety personnel, first responders, and hospitals have used ACT to improve their performance and quality of care.

ACT differs from other therapy models that focus on symptom reduction and prescribed protocol. Its primary aim is the reduction of psychological suffering and building a wealthy, meaningful, and fulfilled life. In ACT, symptom reduction or behavioral change is a byproduct. This allows the therapist and the client to co-create and contextualize the ACT process and mindfulness technique, ultimately enabling the client to develop a functional relationship with difficult thoughts, emotions, or any specific private experience.

[caption id="attachment_73036" align="alignleft" width="295"] Through ACT one will learn the components of "me."[/caption]

How Acceptance and Commitment Therapy worksHow does it do it? ACT utilizes empowering language, being present in real-time, and engaging in effective and mindful actions guided by one’s values. It does so by nurturing psychological flexibility and regulating difficult emotions and thoughts to restore living in the present, healing the past, and building the future.

ACT is comprised of the following six core processes:

Awareness - Be present in the moment
Defusion - Notice your thoughts
Acceptance - Openness, curiosity, not judging or comparing
Observer Self - Connecting with self in the real-time
Values - Things that are important to you
Committed Action - Sets of behaviors to engage with to live by your values.

Those six core processes can be further summarized into three essential processes:

Be present
Open up
Do what matters

Taking meaningful action toward what you care about in life is training for the following:

To use acceptance and commitment therapy to enhance (or overcome obstacles to) living an abundant life
To mindfully connect safely and meaningfully with one’s inner wisdom, fully present with oneself and whatever is happening in real-time to live a healthy, wealthy, meaningful, and fulfilled life
Trusting oneself and the healing process to keep doing what matters regardless of how pleasant or unpleasant the personal experiences are
Being guided by one’s values to develop more flexibility in accepting life experiences, thoughts, and feelings; allowing oneself to be and nurturing oneself with compassion, kindness, and understanding of one’s limitations
To progressively understand where one needs to be more present in one’s life, move away from destructive/unproductive behaviors, and mindfully engage in sets of committed purposeful actions to develop the desired quality of life
Mindfully connect safely with oneself in real-time, to identify and clarify one’s values, and review them in the context of an existential situation

If ACT sounds helpful to you, I encourage you to take ACTion and register for our upcoming workshop series, ACTion Healing: All About Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.

About ACTion Healing Workshop Series: All About Acceptance and Commitment TherapyJoin Dr. Muorah for a workshop series on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Learn how ACT can help you develop more psychological flexibility in accepting life experiences, thoughts, and feelings, progressively understand where one needs to be more present in one’s life and guided by one’s values, and so much more!

The workshops are open to everyone; both clients and clinicians are welcome to join. You are welcome to take one, all, or a handful of the workshops.

Workshops Take a Meaningful ACTion Toward What You Care About in Life - June 20, 2023 * Higher Power ACTion Using Spirituality to Make Space for Something New - June 27, 2023 * Trauma Recovery, Healing, and Wellness - August 10, 2023 * Grief Focused ACTion - August 17, 2023 * Addiction-Focused ACTion - September 12, 2023 * Couple Power! Take a Meaningful ACTion Toward What You Care About Each Other in Life! - September 19, 2023*

Click here to learn more and to register.

[caption id="attachment_73025" align="alignright" width="260"] Dr. Charles Muorah's (pictured here) therapy goal is to walk the walk with you and empower you to be a leader in your life story.[/caption]

About the AuthorDr. Charles Muorah PhD, STL, LMFT is a Staff Therapist at Council for Relationships. He specializes in brainspotting, sex therapy, acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), and anger management. If you have questions about Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, the ACTion Healing workshops series, or if you would like to request an appointment with Dr. Muorah, you may contact him via email at cmuorah@councilforrelationships.org or via phone at 215-382-6680 ext. 7033.

More from CFRhttps://councilforrelationships.org/tough-enough-for-love-commitment-is-not-for-the-weak-of-heart/

https://councilforrelationships.org/loss-acceptance-and-action-during-covid-19/

https://councilforrelationships.org/transgender-day-of-visibility-and-mental-health/

View Details

I find myself in an appreciative mood today. Sure, it is Friday (if it is not Friday at the time you are reading this, it will soon be Friday, so you are getting there!), and the weather is unseasonably warm today. But what makes me bask in this appreciative disposition is the fact that today, May 12th, is National Mental Health Provider Appreciation Day.

[caption id="attachment_73088" align="alignleft" width="300"] Demand for mental health services during the pandemic grew greatest for those between the ages of 18-44.[/caption]

National Mental Health Provider Appreciation DaySetting aside that pang of cringe you felt at my attempt to use camp to link my mood to National Mental Health Provider Appreciation Day (a day you surely have been looking forward to for the past 364 days), there is truth in what I wrote. I am feeling incredibly appreciative of mental health providers and everything they do. That is because I am consistently reminded of all those they’ve helped and continue to help.

On May 11, 2023, the US Department of Health and Human Services declared an end to the public health emergency caused by the COVID-19 pandemic. I don’t know about you, but when the pandemic began ravaging our communities in early 2020, my friends, family, and I were, each individually, in a problematic mental health space. Where did we turn for help? Therapists. Across the country, the demand for mental health care skyrocketed, along with deaths from COVID-19. We experienced the proliferation of telehealth therapy options, and CFR clinicians were creative in their solutions for providing access to mental health services in a time of critical and urgent need. CFR clinicians met the challenge.

[caption id="attachment_72527" align="alignright" width="238"] Emily Mudd (pictured here) founded the Council for Relationships in 1932.[/caption]

Bearing witness to the good mental health providers do for our communitiesIn my role as CFR’s Director of Communication & Development, I have the privilege of working alongside over 80 incredibly dedicated, empathetic, and intelligent therapists, psychiatrists, and psychologists (not to mention the extraordinary cohorts of Therapist Interns, postgraduate students, and CFR’s administrative staff). My colleagues are amazing clinicians and even more amazing people. That last point is important: clinicians are people; they are impacted by the same mental health stressors and concerns as me and you. Yet, they continue to provide care, driven by their desire to help others.

CFR clinicians are true experts. Since 1932, CFR clinicians have been improving the lives of those who struggle with mental health and often lead the way in research, equitable care, and innovation. CFR is a mental health leader in the Philly region, one on which our communities, and the greater region, rely. This is only possible because of the clinicians who work here.

[caption id="attachment_73089" align="alignleft" width="300"] Philadelphia has always been home for CFR, and today the organization has 9 offices in the region, including in New Jersey.[/caption]

Thank a mental health providerSo yeah, on this National Mental Health Provider Appreciation Day, I want to keep it local and express my deep appreciation for those who help individuals, couples, and families at their most difficult moments. My colleagues strengthen relationships, rebuild relationships, and forge new relationships. They are at the forefront of the struggle to make the highest-quality mental health care accessible for all.

At this time of increasing conflict and trauma, and as our communities are ravaged by inequities, discrimination, poverty, and violence, CFR clinicians are building a stronger, more resilient city and region by centering mental health care. I am appreciative to have an opportunity to work alongside such astounding clinicians who are making a positive impact right here in the Philly area...my home. Thank you!

[caption id="attachment_71792" align="alignright" width="300"] Michael Fasano-McCarron (pictured here) has dedicated his career to working with community-based nonprofits.[/caption]

About the AuthorMichael Fasano-McCarron the Director of Communications & Development at Council for Relationships. Prior to joining CFR in 2022, Michael worked on behalf of LGBTQ+ youth in Boston and was a high school English teacher in suburban Philadelphia. If you have questions for Michael, you may reach him via email at mmccarron@councilforrelationships.org or by phone at 215-382-6680 ext. 3160.

If you would like to request a therapy or psychiatry appointment with a CFR Staff Therapist or Psychiatrist, click here, or search our clinician directory for clinicians with different specialties and availability.

About No-Fee and Low-Fee TherapyCFR is committed to offering high-quality therapy services for all, regardless of ability to pay. To learn more about CFR's no-fee and low-fee therapy options, click here.

More from CFRhttps://councilforrelationships.org/the-case-for-supporting-mental-health-nonprofits/

View Details

Nearly half of all American children will see their parents get divorced and 16% of American children will live in a household with a step-parent, step-sibling, or half-sibling. With 50% of children having divorced parents, co-parenting is more commonplace than ever in the United States. Co-parenting is defined as sharing the duties of raising a child (used especially of parents who are separated or not in a relationship). But what happens when one or both parents are emotionally hurt or angry? How do these dynamics impact their child? We have some ideas. Read on for co-parenting tips for setting hurt and anger aside.

[caption id="attachment_73072" align="alignleft" width="212"] Since 1960, the percentage of children in the United States living in a two-parent household continues to decline.[/caption]

Successful Co-Parenting Means Keeping the Focus on Your ChildThe key to successful co-parenting is to focus on your children—and your children only. Yes, this can be hard. It means that your own emotions— anger, resentment, or hurt—must take a back seat to the needs of your children.

Admittedly, setting aside such strong feelings may be the most challenging part of learning to work cooperatively with an estranged partner, but it is also perhaps the most vital. Co-parenting is not about your feelings or those of your other co-parent, but rather about your child’s happiness, stability, and future well-being.

You may never completely lose all your resentment or bitterness about your breakup, but what you can do is often remind yourself that they are your issues, not your child's. Try hard to keep your relationship problems away from your children. Whether you got divorced from a former spouse or broke up with a long-term partner, it is okay to be hurt and angry. However, your feelings do not have to dictate your behavior with your children. Instead, let what is best for your kids dictate your co-parenting style. Remember, your children are the most precious and lasting product of your union as a couple. Allowing them to develop a healthy relationship with both of you is a gift you can give, even in the face of a divorce or a breakup.

[caption id="attachment_73074" align="alignright" width="287"] Dr. Joel N. Myers (pictured here) founded the Dads Resource Center to benefit children of separated or divorced parents by advocating the importance of fathers having adequate opportunities to fulfill their role of fatherhood.[/caption]

Co-Parenting Tips for Setting Hurt & Anger AsideThe goal of co-parenting is to work cooperatively with your ex. Here are some of our best co-parenting tips for success, especially if you are feeling hurt by or angry at your ex.

Co-Parenting Tip #1: Get your feelings out somewhere elseNever vent your angry feelings about the other parent to your child. Friends, counselors and therapists, family, or even a loving pet can all make good listeners when you need to get negative feelings off your chest.

Co-Parenting Tip #2: Stay kid-focusedIf you feel angry or resentful, remember why you need to act with purpose and grace: your child’s best interests are at stake. If your anger feels overwhelming, consciously putting your shoulders down, breathing evenly and deeply, and standing erect can keep you distracted from your anger, and can have a relaxing effect.

Co-Parenting Tip #3: Never use your child as a messengerWhen you have your child become the “go-between” with the other parent it puts them in the center of your conflict and gives them a parent-like role. The goal is to keep your child out of your parenting, so call, email, or text your ex yourself.

Co-Parenting Tip #4: Try to listenCommunicating with maturity starts with listening. Even if you end up disagreeing with the other parent, you should at least be able to convey to each other that you have understood thier point of view. Listening does not signify approval, so you will not lose anything by allowing your ex to voice their opinions.

Co-Parenting Tip #5: Keep your intimate marital issues to yourselfDo not say negative things about your ex to your children or make your child feel like they must choose. Your child has a right to a relationship with their other parent that is free of your influence. Before contacting your ex, ask yourself how your talk will affect your child, and resolve to conduct yourself with dignity. Make your child the focal point of every discussion you have with your ex-partner.

[caption id="attachment_72830" align="alignleft" width="298"] Hope Nichols, LMFT (pictured here) specializes in working with children, teens, and women.[/caption]

About the AuthorHope Nichols, LMFT is a Philadelphia and Wynnewood, PA, therapist accepting new patients. Click here to book an appointment.

If you are divorced or separated from your child's other parent and have questions about the best co-parenting tips, you may reach Hope at hnichols@councilforrelationships.org or 215-770-2334 ext 7061.

See our Therapist & Psychologist Directory to find a different CFR therapist or psychiatrist near you.

About CFR's Couples and Family TherapyCouncil for Relationships has been offering therapy and psychiatry services to individuals, couples, and families since 1932. If you are interested in individual, couples, or family therapy, request an appointment today. With over 80 therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists seeing clients virtually or at the 9 CFR locations across the Philadelphia region, there is sure to be a clinician for you and your family. CFR also offers therapy at no-fee or low-fee for those who are facing financial hardships. Head here to learn more and to request an appointment.

More from CFRhttps://councilforrelationships.org/co-parenting-divorce/

https://councilforrelationships.org/co-parenting-101-raising-kids-together-and-apart/

View Details

Finding a Philadelphia therapist accepting new clients can be difficult. CFR is proud to have Staff Therapist Chimère G. Holmes, MA, MSEd, LPC as a member of our organization. Chimère sees patients virtually and is currently accepting new clients.

Continue reading to learn more about Chimère, her therapeutic approaches, goals, and training.

[caption id="attachment_71093" align="alignleft" width="240"] CFR Staff Therapist Chimère G. Holmes, MA, MSEd, LPC (pictured here) earned her Master's degree in Theology and Pastoral Ministry from Villanova University.[/caption]

Hope's journey to becoming a therapistMy first love was journalism. I have always wanted to follow in the footsteps of Oprah Winfrey. My bachelor’s degree is in Communications from Immaculata University. I interned at WCAU NBC-10 under the tutelage of the late, legendary Edie Huggins (considered a Black on-air trailblazer in the field). I assisted her with the “Huggins Heroes” segment that gave voice to ordinary Philadelphia locals making a difference throughout the community.

After spending 5 years working in print journalism and discovering a love for travel, I decided to pursue a Master's degree in Theology and Pastoral Ministry, as I felt called to more altruistic work and did a great deal of campus ministry at Villanova University as their first Black Campus Minister. I also traveled to Kingston Jamaica, San Salvador, El Salvador, and Antigua, Guatemala.

During my last semester at Villanova, I enrolled in the class "Introduction to Pastoral Counseling" and had an aha! moment. I graduated in May and began my second Master's degree in Counseling at the University of Pennsylvania. After working in South Philly during the crux of the opioid epidemic for five years and earning my Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) licensure, I decided to pursue a terminal degree. I am currently finishing my Ph.D. in Marriage and Family Therapy at Eastern University.

I chose to work at CFR because it was the organization where I had my first clinical internship in 2013 and counseled my first client. I remember falling in love with all things systems therapy in a CFR class taught by Dr. Steve Treat. CFR deeply informed so many aspects of my therapeutic work. I am happy to be a part of such an impressive and diverse community of practitioners, and I want to utilize my doctoral work at CFR.

A rich pastoral backgroundMy rich pastoral background and passion for spirituality greatly inform the work that I do with clients. I operate from the stance that we are all spiritual beings having unique human experiences and so it is crucial to treat clients with emphasis and attention on the mind, body, and spirit. I utilize a more holistic understanding as part of treatment, and want to help my clients understand we are so much more than our thoughts; we have an innate resolve to rise above anything difficult we have been through...but we first have to tap into our inner power.

What a new therapy patient can expect in their first session with Hope.During an initial session with me, you can expect to feel warmth, enthusiasm, and above all, a sense of being welcomed. I seek to get a snapshot of each individual or couple I am meeting with by using some key exploratory questions as to how they got into my office, what is and is not working in life right now, and what they are hoping to address in treatment. I typically begin some informal family mapping to formulate a genogram that will provide me insight into intergenerational dynamics, beliefs, and patterns that are more than likely showing up with my client in the therapy room in the here and now. I always ask clients what their short-term and long-term treatment goals are.

As I learned during my intern days at CFR, clients want to get unstuck and clients want to feel better. I want my clients to love themselves deeply and to begin to trust themselves more. If people love themselves, they will be able to show up in all relationships differently, and they will be able to teach people how to treat them. When clients trust themselves, they can better tap into the answers/solutions to any question or dilemma they struggle with according to their inner resolve. There is no magic button or quick fix. Ultimately, healing is a lifelong process.

As an avid learner, I am a firm believer in psychoeducation and bibliotherapy. One thing people should know about me is that if you want to work with me, you will be expected to do your work! A dear colleague of mine once said, “Insight without action is BS,” and I couldn’t agree with her more.

I supply clients with resources to help them in between sessions—that is where the real work begins. I recommend supplementary reading, skill building, mindfulness practices, and more. I want my clients to leave me and the work we do together feeling better than when they first meet me. When a client is well enough to move on from treatment, and they have a greater sense of awareness and can utilize tools and skills pertinent to managing initial symptoms in addition to being able to regulate themselves emotionally, I know I’ve done my job.

Are you struggling with the decision to book a therapy appointment?Time is of the essence and you have probably been struggling and suffering long enough. You owe it to yourself to do something that will hopefully be life-changing. You deserve to feel better and you are not alone. I along with all of the CFR professionals are here to help, support, and encourage you. We only get one precious life—this is not a dress rehearsal, so pick up that phone or send that email because it’s time for you to invest in yourself and become the leading role in your own life.

The only way out is through.

CFR therapists are accepting new patients. Ready to book an appointment with a psychiatrist or therapist? Questions about session costs?Chimère G. Holmes, MA, MSEd, LPC is a Philadelphia therapist accepting new online clients. Click here to book an appointment.

You may reach Chimère at cholmes@councilforrelationships.org or 215-770-2334 ext 7064.

See our Therapist & Psychologist Directory to find a different CFR therapist or psychiatrist near you.

View Details

Philadelphians will go to the ballot box this November to elect their 100th mayor. The city's next mayor will inherit what President Joe Biden has described as a "mental health crisis." It is imperative that voters know how the candidates will respond to the crisis upon taking office. As the region's leader in individual, couples, and family therapy, we contacted all current candidates to better understand their strategies for tackling this crisis. We will publish all candidates' responses as is.

Note: Council for Relationships, a nonprofit organization, does not endorse any political candidate.

The Philadelphia municipal primary is May 16, 2023, and the municipal election is November 7, 2023. Click here to learn more about the important election dates and how to register to vote.

Today we welcome the City Controller of Philadelphia, Rebecca Rhynhart (D). Read on to learn what Rebecca Rhynhart's administration would do to address the mental health crisis in Philadelphia.

[caption id="attachment_73002" align="alignleft" width="300"] Mayoral candidate, Rebecca Rhynhart (pictured here), currently serves as the City Controller of Philadelphia.[/caption]

How will your administration address the mental health and emotional wellness needs of Philadelphia? Describe your vision for building stronger relationships among and within families and communities.One of the most important ways that the next mayor can help build stronger relationships among Philadelphia’s families and communities is to make investments that will lead to greater emotional and economic stability so that individuals can achieve wholeness where that may be lacking. For instance, by fully funding parks, recreation centers, and libraries, we can create more opportunities to nurture residents intellectually and physically. I will also make it a priority to meet the needs of our residents by correcting inequities in city service delivery between our neighborhoods, including 911 response times and on-time trash pick up so that none of our neighborhoods are left behind.

I have comprehensive plans for improving public education, decreasing violence, increasing access to affordable housing, and creating pathways to economic stability for residents, which are all available on my website. My public safety plan includes details about how the city can support trauma treatment to decrease instances of violence and other crimes. I will also make sure that our city’s health clinics are well-funded and have the capacity to service all of our neighborhoods, especially the areas that have historically been targets of disinvestment. All of these factors contribute to building stability for families and communities to will fulfill their needs such that they can build stronger interpersonal relationships with one another.

Describe your plan to make mental health care accessible to all Philadelphians, particularly for Philadelphia’s Black community, who disproportionally lack access to mental health care.Under my administration, every neighborhood school will have wraparound services provided by city agencies available to our kids, including mental health treatment. As Mayor, I will expand the capacity of our neighborhood health centers to include culturally competent trauma care and will make sure they have the funding required to do so.

It’s also crucial that our city departments and programs that provide mental health and trauma services have the resources and staffing necessary to reach residents in our neighborhoods where these services are most greatly needed. We need to make sure that trauma care is deployed throughout our neighborhoods, especially in the 14 zip codes where the rates of gun violence are the highest.

Further, I would implement intervention strategies proven to be effective in other cities that reach the people most at risk of shooting or being shot in Philadelphia and offer them a way out of the lifestyle with mentorship, therapy, job training, and employment, working with community anti-violence leaders that have shown success in our neighborhoods. Successful implementation requires a coordinated effort and collaboration between the Mayor, other members of the criminal justice system, and relevant stakeholders outside of city government, including community leaders, clergy, nonprofits, and the criminal justice system.

With President Biden naming the “tackling of the mental health crisis” as a priority for his administration, describe your plan to address the growing mental health crisis youth face in the city and what role government agencies such as the Department of Behavioral Health and Intellectual disAbilities Services (DBHIDS) will play in addressing the youth mental health crisis.The foundation of mental and emotional wellness begins in childhood. The Rhynhart Administration will ensure that all of our city services are aligned to meet the needs of our kids by providing wraparound services in our neighborhood schools. That includes the Department of Behavioral Health and Intellectual disAbilities providing mental health services and trauma-informed counselors to students who need those resources. My full education plan envisions a transformative, kid-centered approach where equity is a key priority. The full plan can be found at on my campaign website and provides more detail about how this imperative around mental and emotional wellness will be implemented.

A Note from CFRAs a nonprofit, Council for Relationships relies on the generosity of others to make the highest-quality mental health care available to those who lack access. Please consider donating today.

Other Mayoral Candidate Responseshttps://councilforrelationships.org/philly-mayoral-candidate-helen-gym-on-the-mental-health-crisis/

https://councilforrelationships.org/philly-mayoral-candidate-jimmy-deleon-on-the-mental-health-crisis/

View Details

Mental health care is essential, and we need all the advocates we can get. Now, you might be thinking, "But I'm not a therapist, a doctor, or even someone who knows a lot about mental health. How can I be an advocate?" Well, fear not, because being a mental health advocate does not require any special qualifications. All you need is a willingness to listen, support, and be there for those struggling with their mental health. Whether you are a parent, a student, a barista, or even a professional knitter (hey, we don't judge), here's how you can make a difference in the lives of those who are affected by mental illness by supporting mental health nonprofit organizations such as the Council for Relationships (CFR).

[caption id="attachment_72527" align="alignleft" width="238"] Emily Mudd (pictured here) founded the Council for Relationships in 1932.[/caption]

A nonprofit since 1932Advocating for mental health not only means knowing where to access care, but it also helps to support the organizations that are changing lives daily. CFR serves a diverse client population in a dynamic environment that attracts top experts, including psychologists, licensed master's level clinicians, and medical psychiatrists.

What you may not know is CFR is a nonprofit organization that provides sliding scale fee, low fee, and no fee therapeutic services to clients who would otherwise be unable to afford mental health services. However, CFR generates 90% of its operating budget through earned revenue from clients paying the market rate and sliding scale fees for counseling services and clinical education tuition. The organization must raise the remaining 10% of its operating budget from donations. Contributed revenue supports mental health services for those who cannot afford market-rate fees, as well as supports our community outreach.

[caption id="attachment_72984" align="alignright" width="300"] According to 2015-2016 city-wide Community Behavioral Health (CBH) utilization data, the largest number of adults using services were females between 21 and 44 years old.[/caption]

Bridging the mental health care access gapThe average therapy session cost is $140, whereas low-fee therapy sessions range from $15 to $45. With over 25% of CFR clients receiving low or no-fee therapy services, CFR must raise private funding to compensate for the gap in direct costs for therapeutic services and fulfill our mission of providing unparalleled therapy for all, regardless of ability to pay.

This is where you come in, warrior friends.

Help those in need: Donating to CFR provides direct support and resources to individuals struggling with mental health issues. Your donation funds individual, relationship, and family therapy as well as medication management and other treatments that can make a difference in someone's life.
Break the stigma: Mental health is still a taboo subject for many people, and there is often a lack of understanding and support in society. Donating to CFR breaks the stigma and raises awareness about the importance of mental health through our media advocacy plan.
Support research: Donating to CFR funds research into the causes and treatments of mental health issues. This can lead to a better understanding of mental illness and more effective treatments in the future.
Improve access to care: Many people with mental health issues struggle to access the care they need due to financial or logistical barriers. Donating to CFR improves access to care for those who need it most.
Make a difference: By donating to CFR, you make a tangible difference in the lives of those affected by mental health issues. Your donation provides hope and support to struggling people and can help create a brighter future for your community members. Check out our 2022 Impact Report to learn more.

[caption id="attachment_72985" align="alignleft" width="300"] Dr. Susan Albers, Psy.D., is a New York Times best-selling author and a clinical psychologist who specializes in eating issues, weight loss, body image concerns, and mindfulness.[/caption]

Do what's best for your health by supporting mental health nonprofitsBeing an advocate also comes with added physical and emotional benefits. According to Dr. Susan Albers at the Cleveland Clinic, giving is good for your health, and is scientifically proven to lower blood pressure, decrease stress, and help you live longer. How’s that for paying it forward and then receiving that good karma right back at you?

Every dollar counts. Whether it’s a small monthly recurring donation or a one-time gift every year, giving the gift of mental health has a multiplier effect on the individual and their families and friends. Learn more about all the ways to give to CFR and support your family, friends, and neighbors today.

[caption id="attachment_66943" align="alignright" width="240"] Jason Anhorn, MEd (pictured here) joined CFR in August 2021.[/caption]

About the AuthorJason Anhorn, MEd is CFR's Chief Advancement Officer. He has over 20 years of experience in higher education administration and nonprofit management. If you have questions about how your gift is changing lives or are interested in supporting CFR is a different way, you can reach him at janhorn@councilforrelationships.org or at (215) 382-6680 ext. 3155.

More from CFRhttps://councilforrelationships.org/news-item/council-for-relationships-featured-in-philly-metro-nonprofit-provides-free-counseling-for-nurses-other-essential-workers/

https://councilforrelationships.org/philly-mayoral-candidate-helen-gym-on-the-mental-health-crisis/

View Details

Note: Council for Relationships, a nonprofit organization, does not endorse any political candidate.

The Philadelphia municipal primary is May 16, 2023, and the municipal election is November 7, 2023. Click here to learn more about the important election dates and how to register to vote.

Today we welcome former Philadelphia City Council Member Helen Gym (D). Read on to learn what Helen Gym's administration would do to address the mental health crisis in Philadelphia.

[caption id="attachment_72964" align="alignleft" width="226"] Helen Gym (pictured here) became the first Asian American to win a seat as a Council Member of Philadelphia's City Council in 2016.[/caption]

How will your administration address the mental health and emotional wellness needs of Philadelphia? Describe your vision for how we can build stronger relationships among and within families and communities.Our violence crisis is also a mental health crisis, with stress and interpersonal conflict too often escalating out of control. On City Council, I helped launch the first mental health emergency crisis units to address mental health, addiction, homelessness, and domestic concerns with trained specialists, while freeing up officers to focus on serious crime — and as mayor, I will expand this program citywide. I will make sure that whenever there is an emergency, residents get the help they need from a trained specialist. As Mayor, I will also expand access to free “mental health first aid” training for all residents so that community members can help people in need connect with appropriate response teams.

I will take a case management approach to gun violence so that families impacted by violence are automatically connected with no-barrier trauma counseling services, mental health supports, crisis intervention, and resources for covering related expenses – including facilitating immediate counseling or mediation when needed.

As mayor, I will allocate more funding to the Defender Association of Philadelphia to hire more social workers, ensuring that those involved in the criminal justice system are provided access to housing, mental health, vocational training and placement, and drug treatment resources.

I will bolster mental health treatment within our City jails and address pervasive deficiencies that compromise medical and mental health treatment provided to those who are incarcerated.

Describe your plan to make mental health care accessible to all Philadelphians, particularly for Philadelphia’s Black community, who disproportionally lack access to mental health care.Right now, Philadelphia has a shortage of culturally competent, accessible mental health professionals. A key path to increasing access to quality mental health care is investing in workforce development and improving career pipelines, particularly for the Black community. As Mayor, I will increase access to high-quality mental health care by building the therapeutic workforce, training hundreds of additional practitioners on culturally-responsive trauma therapy, and establishing scholarship or fellowship incentives with local colleges and universities to increase the number of graduates entering this field.

With President Biden naming the “tackling of the mental health crisis” as a priority for his administration, describe your plan to address the growing mental health crisis youth face in the city and what role government agencies such as the Department of Behavioral Health and Intellectual disAbilities Services (DBHIDS) will play in addressing the youth mental health crisis.As Mayor, I will ensure that our schools are used as a place of treatment to increase the mental and emotional well-being of students. From increased access to high-quality and culturally-responsive counseling to co-locating mental health service providers in schools to implementing a youth-led initiative to address the factors driving their mental health challenges and encouraging school cultures that center mental health support, I will ensure that we prioritize helping children heal and mature into well-rounded adults.

I’ve always prioritized the mental health needs of our young people. From holding the District accountable for bullying and harassment to restoring nurses and counselors back to schools, I believe academic success starts with teen mental health and wellness — and I know that the best way to connect children with resources is to integrate them into our public schools.

I was proud to help launch a CBH-funded social worker in schools program and as Mayor, I will expand the program to all schools. I have led efforts to expand the arts in schools, and I firmly believe that greater access to arts programming is critical to learning loss and mental health recovery. City agencies must partner with the District to ensure afterschool and summer programming that meets a wide variety of student needs, from academic learning to mentorship to healthcare to employment. I intend to bring back Parent University to provide family and parenting classes to build stronger and more resilient and resourced families.

As Mayor, I will ensure that our schools are used as a place of treatment to increase the mental and emotional well-being of students. From increased access to high-quality and culturally-responsive counseling to co-locating mental health service providers in schools to implementing a youth-led initiative to address the factors driving their mental health challenges and encouraging school cultures that center mental health support, I will ensure that we prioritize helping children heal.

Supporting young people’s mental health is also key to preventing violence and helping children and teens deal with violence-related trauma. My administration will ensure that schools in impacted neighborhoods have afterschool programs and that these schools receive enhanced staffing and support, particularly around mental health and family and teen wellness programs.

And lastly, I will implement conflict resolution training and programming in schools that are rooted in restorative models and not merely replicating justice system involvement, as well as programming that supports healthy relationship development and prevents intimate partner violence.

Other Mayoral Candidate Responseshttps://councilforrelationships.org/philly-mayoral-candidate-jimmy-deleon-on-the-mental-health-crisis/

View Details

Buzz about the potential uses of artificial intelligence (AI) in the mental health space has exploded since the launch of Open AI’s ChatGPT-3 last fall. Today, ChatGPT has more than 13 million daily users. Its ability to mimic natural human language, write sonnets, screenplays, and even news articles, has captured our imagination and spurned much discussion about its possible uses and pitfalls. Read on to learn more about AI and mental health therapy.

[caption id="attachment_72937" align="alignleft" width="205"] Joseph Weizenbaum (pictured here) is considered one of the "fathers of artificial intelligence."[/caption]

ELIZA, the original AI in the mental health therapy roomThe human fascination with robots, machines, and artificial intelligence is decades, if not centuries, old. Since at least the 1960s, scientists and technologists have been attempting to build a computer therapist that could mimic the language of a human psychologist. In 1964, M.I.T. computer scientist Joseph Weizenbaum succeeded in creating ELIZA, a natural language program that was capable of engaging in conversation with users through basic mirroring statements and pattern recognition. ELIZA’s popularity quickly took off and, though Weizenbaum eventually became a vociferous critic of the use of artificial intelligence in therapy, excitement about the computer therapist had already spread.

Toda’ys AI mental health bots are far more complex and intelligent than ELIZA. Apps like Woebot and Koko use forms of CBT skill-building to help users cope with anxiety, depression, grief, and stress. In a study published in the Journal of Medical Internet Research, Woebot was shown to decrease symptoms of depression and anxiety in users, compared to a control group.

[caption id="attachment_72938" align="alignright" width="300"] Kintsugi is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery by mending the areas of breakage with lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum[/caption]

Increasing access and ethical issues?Advocates of AI in mental health cite its capacity to reach more users and eliminate barriers to entry, including cost, lack of healthcare, and distance to treatment services. One in four Americans reports having to choose between mental health care and paying for daily necessities. Rather than drive an hour or more to seek therapy, a client could feasibly open their smartphone and chat with an AI therapist on command.

AI is even being used to detect anxiety and depression in clients by analyzing audio clips from therapy sessions. Kintsugi, a mental health startup, uses machine learning to “detect depression at double the rate of primary care doctors” by looking at subtle changes in a patient’s tone, speech, and language.

However, the use of AI in therapy raises important ethical concerns. Currently, there is no regulation or oversight in developing and using chatbots in mental health. This lack of regulation could pose serious risks to clients' well-being, safety, and breaches in data. Furthermore, AI is rife with the same implicit biases as its human programmers, and its widespread use could perpetuate and exacerbate existing inequities.

[caption id="attachment_72939" align="alignleft" width="300"] Sam Altman (pictured here) is the CEO of OpenAI which created ChatGBT.[/caption]

Meet my AI chatbot therapistSo, can chatbots replace therapists altogether? The importance of human connection and relationship-building within the therapeutic dyad is at the heart of many clinical modalities. The therapy room can be a microcosm of our broader lives, and how we relate to another person within the holding space of a therapy session can tell us a lot about our broader relationships. Turning away from face-to-face human connection might be convenient, but it does not benefit our health or well-being. The COVID pandemic demonstrated all too clearly the impact of social isolation and loneliness on our well-being and health.

What does ChatGPT think about all this? When asked if AI Chatbots could replace human therapists, it responded “AI chatbots are not able to replace human therapists in their ability to provide empathetic and nuanced care. While chatbots can be programmed to respond to certain prompts or specific language, they are not able to fully understand the complexity of human emotions, thoughts, and experiences.”

The more we learn about chatbots and the uses of AI, the more it becomes evident that these tools will be incredibly useful in the future of therapeutic intervention. However, it may be just as important to remember that they are not a replacement for interpersonal relationships, human connection, and relational work in therapy. Rather, chatbots and AI should be used as a tool that we might draw upon to supplement clinical work.

[caption id="attachment_72941" align="alignright" width="300"] Yasmine Beydoun (pictured here) is a graduate of CFR's Master's Degree program and will begin seeing clients in June 2023.[/caption]

About the AuthorYasmine Beydoun is a Master's of Social Work (MSW) Student Intern in our ISI Program. If you have questions about AI and mental health therapy, you may reach Yasmine via email at ybeydoun@councilforrelationships.org or by phone at 215.382.6680 ext. 7008.

If you have questions about CFR's ISI Program or about Student Interns, please contact CFR's Director of Clinical Internships Allen-Michael Lewis, MS, LMFT, AS, at alewis@councilforrelationships.org or by phone at 215.382.6680 ext. 4206.

About CFR's Professional EducationCFR was one of the first training centers for marriage and family therapy in the country. We currently offer Master’s degree and postgraduate certificate programs as well as continuing education and workshops.

More from CFRhttps://councilforrelationships.org/coping-las-vegas-shooting-therapists-advice-michele-marsh/

https://councilforrelationships.org/why-humans-are-bad-at-shopping/

View Details

Philadelphians will go to the ballot box this November to elect their 100th mayor. The city's next mayor will inherit what President Joe Biden has described as a "mental health crisis." It is imperative that voters know how the candidates will respond to the crisis upon taking office. As the region's leader in individual, couples, and family therapy, we reached out to all current candidates to better understand their strategies for tackling this crisis. We will publish all candidates' responses as is.

Note: Council for Relationships, as a nonprofit organization, does not endorse any political candidate.

The Philadelphia municipal primary is May 16, 2023, and the municipal election is November 7, 2023. Click here to learn more about the important election dates and how to register to vote.

Today we welcome retired municipal court judge Jimmy DeLeon (D). Read on to learn what Jimmy DeLeon's administration would do to address the mental health crisis in Philadelphia.

[caption id="attachment_72919" align="alignleft" width="197"] Retired municipal court judge Jimmy DeLeon grew up in West Philadelphia and currently resides in the Germantown neighborhood of the city.[/caption]

How will your administration address the mental health and emotional wellness needs of Philadelphia? Describe your vision for how we can build stronger relationships among and within families and communities.My administration as Mayor will address the mental health and emotional wellness needs of Philadelphia by convening a blue-ribbon panel of experts in the mental and behavioral health fields. They would recommend the best practices that citizens can individually follow, which can be accomplished in the workforce, to meet these needs.

My administration would then disseminate this information throughout the City through various public service announcements and a full city-sponsored campaign on steps to improve a person's mental health and emotional well-being.

City-funded health centers would give free assistance to citizens who may require help in these areas.

My vision on how we can build stronger relationships among and within families and communities is by encouraging families throughout the City to:

Develop partnerships with community organizations and agencies
Take part in community activities
Attend workshops and seminars within and around their community
Join community organizations

Task shifting by using Physician assistants (Pas) with special training in mental health assessment and counseling
Integration of primary care physicians with front-line mental health practitioners and screening processes as patients most often interact with the health care system through their primary care physician
Technology-based tools, such as video conferencing, to hold mental health visits, as well as software-based tools that deliver standard cognitive-behavioral health therapy can also help in the mental health regard

Have their children model good self-care habits
Help young people cultivate safe and caring relationships
Support young people to build healthy relationships with peers and to navigate peer pressure demands successfully
Talk to their children openly about substance abuse and its effects on youth mental health
Having young people receive health care checkups that include an assessment on that child's emotional and behavioral health needs along with addressing the child's physical wellbeing
Observe the child's behavior
Prevent access to firearms and prescription medications
Know who to call for a mental health crisis

DBHIDS will provide the following:

Focusing on the prevention of mental health challenges through education
Being aware of the many ways in which mental health challenges manifest
Involving family in the prevention and treatment of mental health issues
Collaborating with other professionals within multi-disciplinary teams
Offering culturally sensitive care

More from CFRhttps://councilforrelationships.org/depression-fighting-the-stigma/

https://councilforrelationships.org/news-item/quarter-life-crises/

View Details

Holocaust Remembrance Day, colloquially called Yom HaShoah in Israel, is an annual day of reflection and commemoration marking the date of the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising. Bea Hollander-Goldfein, PhD, LMFT, is a Co-Director of CFR's Transcending Trauma Project and a Staff Therapist. Here, Dr. Hollander-Goldfein, the child of a Holocaust survivor, shares her story of visiting Poland and navigating the complexity of learning to understand the trauma in not only her life but the lives of others.

[caption id="attachment_72899" align="alignleft" width="443"] This map shows the locations of the Nazi Concentration Camps in both Germany and Poland, along with the different types of camps.[/caption]

To rebuild a life in Poland amid the ongoing trauma of the Holocaust.I went to Poland in 2016, but my mother would not have approved. My mother passed away in 2003. She came to the United States in 1949 as a refugee from Poland and survivor of the Nazi attempted genocide of European Jewry. My mother was a Holocaust survivor. She never talked about going back to Europe to see her hometown. She spoke of Poland as a land soaked in blood. It was not unusual for some families to take their children back to see their places of birth. This was never a topic in my family. Later in her life when in the hospital after a fall and a hip replacement, she made my husband promise never to go to Poland. When the opportunity came up for me to join a tour of Poland with a group of Holocaust educators, I agreed to go without hesitation. After all, my mother never made me promise.

Since this tour was organized for Holocaust educators, the focus was not on the history of the Holocaust exclusively. The tour guide enriched his narrative with less-known historical facts and the compelling reality of the Nazi reign of terror. The educators were visiting these sites, for the first time, after teaching about them in classrooms around the country for many years. I fit into the group because I also know the history of the Holocaust, not as a historian, but as a child of survivors who read every book and watched every film that I could get my hands on.

In my professional life I am a psychologist and marriage and family therapist at the Council for Relationships. I have been involved in post-graduate training in marriage and family therapy at the Council for over 30 years. I also direct the Transcending Trauma Project, founded in 1991. Under the auspices of this project, 300 life history interviews with Holocaust survivors, their children, and grandchildren were conducted in order to study coping and adaptation after extreme trauma. I have listened to hundreds of testimonies documenting the impact of the Holocaust and the struggle to rebuild life after the devastation.

[caption id="attachment_72900" align="alignright" width="300"] One of many pictures taken by the Nazis which comprises The Auschwitz Album. This picture is of arriving Jews standing in front of the railroad cars, awaiting the Germans' orders.[/caption]

They looked human suffering in the face and snapped the shutter of their cameras.At the museum in the Auschwitz extermination camp, there were rooms with pictures of the victims taken by Nazi photographers to document the slaughter. These pictures are contained in the book called The Auschwitz Album. I knew these pictures before going to Auschwitz, I know the stories. I know the human suffering. I know what happened. Due to my role in the Transcending Trauma Project, I know the psychosocial factors of survivorship. But I must say that the eyewitness photographs were devastating – knowing is not a protection from the emotional impact. Seeing the terror in the victims’ eyes cannot but touch your heart. The other dramatic level of impact is the recognition that professional photographers, human beings, took these pictures that documented the Final Solution. They looked human suffering in the face and snapped the shutter of their cameras.

Even though survivors raised me, come from a family of survivors, and have witnessed the testimonies of countless others, it is still shocking. As I have questioned my entire life, I wondered again how could they have possibly survived and rebuilt their lives. I ask this question even though I am the evidence of survivors’ will to survive and rebuild.

As a child I would sit in darkness, cry, and wonder, how does one survive such devastation? I would wonder how do I go on with life knowing that such horror and destruction, perpetrated by human beings against human beings could have possibly happened. This question seemed unanswerable. Eventually, I sorted it out and settled upon one answer – the only important thing in life is people, and that made life worth it. I am the child of survivors asking this question. Can you imagine how survivors must have asked themselves the same question walking out of the gates of every concentration camp in Europe?

[caption id="attachment_72903" align="alignleft" width="230"] Father Patrick Desbois (pictured here) is a French Roman Catholic priest and the founder of the Yahad-In Unum, an organization dedicated to locating the sites of mass graves of Jewish victims of the Nazi mobile-killing units in the former Soviet Union.[/caption]

How could this be?So there I was in Poland, a beautiful country. Before I left, my Polish friend showed me beautiful pictures of her country and she wanted me to go to these special places. But the group was there for one week and other than riding on the bus going through the countryside, the only places that we went to see were Holocaust sites.

Through my work on the Transcending Trauma Project, I have come to know a great deal about survivorship. But how can anyone know about suffering who has not experienced it firsthand? When standing on the grounds of the death camps, there is no other possible response other than abject, paralyzing silence.

Not being a Holocaust historian, there were many facts that were brought home to me with great emotional power during the weeklong tour. I have always known that for the mass killings of Jews who were thrown into mass graves, the Nazis enlisted the service of the local population. This service was not forced or due to threats. Men volunteered and they were given guns with the directive to kill those lined up, naked and helpless, with one bullet per person. After all there was a shortage of bullets so conservation was essential. Many men, women, children, and babies fell into the mass graves shot but still alive, only to die of suffocation after extended suffering. Who were these men? Father Patrick Debois, a Catholic priest, has traveled through Europe searching for these unmarked mass graves in order to memorialize those who were murdered. He would interview the townspeople only to learn that many of them witnessed, as children, the mass killings. It was an afterschool activity. How could this be?

[caption id="attachment_72904" align="alignright" width="300"] The Jewish population of Lodz, Poland (pictured here) was persecuted by the Nazis and forced into a walled-off zone called the Łódź Ghetto before being sent to concentration camps.[/caption]

So they killed them.Near the town of Tarnov, Poland, we walked into the woods to the site of a mass grave of 800 children. The children were taken from their parents and marched to the outskirts of the town and shot, one bullet per child, and fell into the massive holes dug in the ground. Then the grave was quickly filled in, and teenage children of the townspeople were brought out to the grave to stomp down the earth over the bodies so that the ground was even. And then the children went back to their homes. It was wartime and Poland was occupied by Germany. I cannot imagine the anguish of those parents who lost their children that day. I do not know the pressures on the families of these teenagers. How does one live with the memory of stomping on the mass grave of children?

The tour guide told us another story that was unfortunately not an isolated incident in war-torn Europe. He was in a town with another group and they spoke to a man living there with his family. After they parted ways, a woman walking down the block told him that the man they had been speaking to had killed two children left in the house after the deportation of the children’s parents. He buried them in the backyard and moved his family into the house. How can this be understood?

One more story, a personal story this time: After the war, my mother was with her few remaining relatives living in the town of Lodz, Poland. She returned to her hometown in Demblin, Poland, to retrieve fabric from her family home that her father hid in the walls and rafters for the family when they returned. A family was living in my mother’s former home and the woman let her in. She found the fabric but couldn’t carry it alone so she said she would return the next day. That night she stayed in a hostel that was set up for refugees left homeless after the war. In the middle of the night, the women were awakened by a group of men with guns who roused them from sleep and ordered them to line up outside the hostel. My mother was among them. They were shot down by these young men who were part of the Polish Nationalist Army, a right-wing nationalist group. Before being shot my mother recognized one of the men as a classmate from school. She was the only woman in the group of 25 who survived. She pretended to be dead and then crawled across a field to a farmhouse where the family got in touch with the authorities who took her to the local hospital. There were those in her hometown that did not want the Jews to return – so they killed them.

My struggle during this trip was trying to understand the perpetrators; the Nazis, the SS, the camp commandants, the guards, and the men who put the Zyklon gas into the gas chambers. I was tortured by the struggle to understand the teenagers who walked on the grave, the man who killed the children in the house, and the man who shot my mother after the war was over. Anti-semitism is the easy answer – although such hatred is beyond my comprehension. As far as I know, there is no psychological theory that explains the cruelty manifested by the average person.

[caption id="attachment_72905" align="alignleft" width="300"] The Transcending Trauma Project's thousands of hours of interviews with Holocaust survivors and their families are held at the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum (pictured here) in Washington D.C. and at the Yad Vashem Holocaust Museum in Jerusalem.[/caption]

Having been swallowed by darkness.After returning from Poland, my Polish friend was very disappointed to know that I did not see any of Poland’s beauty. On the other hand, I didn’t have to face my mother, although I think that in the end, she would have supported this trip. But my mind keeps going over the question about the average person. Can this happen in the United States? Can my neighbor take over my home and kill my children if I were to be dragged away? Would a classmate ever hold a gun on me? That of course begs the question of whether or not I would ever be capable of such violence and cruelty myself. My answer is, of course, it would be incomprehensible.

I do not know why ordinary people do horrible things. But I do know that we ordinary human beings must be vigilant about our humanity. We can never take our humanity for granted. We must work on our sensitivity to others, and the value systems that guide us toward responsible action toward all people. We need to be aware of our unintentional prejudices, inadvertent slights, and failures in our commitment to the equality of all human beings. This is every day and in every circumstance, from the smallest of interactions to public engagement with all people. I also believe all of you reading this piece agree with me. But what about the others?

As the Director of the Transcending Trauma Project, I have been privileged to bear witness to the life histories of 300 Holocaust survivors, their children, and grandchildren. The Transcending Trauma Project team of interviewers asked the survivors how they were able to rebuild their lives. We have hours of testimony and descriptions of lives before and after the war. We have conducted interviews that explored not just what happened to survivors, but what they experienced inside – their thoughts, feelings, and beliefs – from the deepest despair to the kernels of hope – from feeling that one’s survival was a miracle to feeling that God turned away.

We have 1,200 hours of testimony. These interviews are unique precisely because they do not chronicle historical events – they tell the story of how survival is possible and how life can be affirmed after all is lost and everything one believes is shattered. There is so much to learn about life lessons from survivors – having been swallowed by darkness – each painful step forward is an attempt to hold on and live. It is striking that many survivors expressed their belief that to go through life with hateful feelings, angry attitudes, and hostile acts would mean that they were like their persecutors – that they would then be as bad as the Nazis.

Survivors stated that living a meaningful and good life was the ultimate victory against Hitler. They also valued carrying forth the legacy of their murdered parents and family members. Do not think this was easy – for many survivors, the pain has been a constant reality of life – but, to live meant to live as full a life as possible valuing the lives of others and carrying on with self-respect, dignity, and the strongest of commitments to their families. I do not believe that we have to face raw evil to affirm life – we just need to look into the eyes of suffering with an open heart.

[caption id="attachment_72906" align="alignright" width="201"] Elie Wiesel (pictured here) is an author and Holocaust survivor who was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1986 for speaking out against violence, repression, and racism.[/caption]

We must never fall silent.During my time in Poland, Elie Wiesel died on July 2, 2016. Hearing the news I felt compelled to watch the international news channels, watching repeating documentary footage of the Holocaust focusing on the death camp Auschwitz, where Eli Wiesel and his father were imprisoned during the war. We were just at Auschwitz – it felt surreal. Elie Wiesel, perhaps one of the most famous Holocaust survivors in the world, author of the iconic book Night, won the Nobel Peace Prize in December 1986. He has been a tireless advocate for the people of the world to pay head to human suffering and to protest against injustice and persecution. Here is an excerpt from his acceptance speech:

“I swore never to be silent whenever and wherever human beings endure suffering and humiliation. We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormenter, never the tormented. Sometimes we must interfere. When human lives are endangered when human dignity is in jeopardy, national borders and sensitivities become irrelevant. Wherever men or women are persecuted because of their race, religion or political views, that place must – at this moment – become the center of the universe”

I am the child of Holocaust survivors. Their suffering taught me to be vigilant about human suffering. With this mission, I have directed the Transcending Trauma Project – the study of survivorship and overcoming trauma. It is my fervent hope that this work with help mental health professionals and others assist those who have suffered as part of a group or as individuals.

We also have to be vigilant about our humanity. To never become complacent and to never be a tool of the persecutor. We must stay true to our moral standards and as Elie Wiesel said – we must never fall silent.

[caption id="attachment_72907" align="alignleft" width="260"] Bea Hollander-Goldfein, PhD, LMFT (pictured here) is a Co-Director of CFR's Transcending Trauma Project and a Staff Therapist.[/caption]

About the AuthorBea Hollander-Goldfein, PhD, LMFT is a Co-Director of CFR's Transcending Trauma Project and a Staff Therapist. Dr. Hollander-Goldfein has also authored numerous books, including Transcending Trauma: Survival, Resilience, and Clinical Implications in Survivor Families. If you have questions for Dr. Hollander-Goldfein about her trip to Poland to better understand the trauma caused by the Holocaust, or if you would like to schedule an appointment with her, you may reach her at bhollander@councilforrelationships.org or 215-382-6680 ext. 3118.

About the Transcending Trauma ProjectThe Transcending Trauma Project has produced 1,200 hours of in-depth life history interviews which have been preserved as digital archived files. The Phil Wachs and Juliet Spitzer Archive of the Transcending Trauma Project are housed at the U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum and the Yad Vashem Holocaust Museum in Israel.

Learn more here.

More from CFRhttps://councilforrelationships.org/reflections-on-the-holocaust-and-the-war-in-ukraine/

https://councilforrelationships.org/transcending-trauma-project-holocaust-survivors-view-faith/

https://councilforrelationships.org/holocaust-remembrance-day/

View Details

Schools should be a safe place for everyone to come, as they are, and learn skills for their future. Bullying makes schools unsafe. Ending bullying is not solely the responsibility of parents or schools, but it does require both to work together to help create good humans and future leaders. Read on for 5 bully prevention tips for parents and schools.

[caption id="attachment_72858" align="alignleft" width="300"] Former Georgia Governor Roy Barnes (pictured here) signed the nation's first school anti-bullying legislation in 1999.[/caption]

Bullying is more than just "kids being kids"After bullying became more than just “kids being kids,” and schoolyard fights became preludes to assault charges, schools have taken more of a centralized role in preventing bullying. According to the National Center for Educational Statistics, in 2019, about 22% of students ages 12–18 reported being bullied at school. Students who are female, BIPOC, and/or LGBTQ+ are more likely to experience bullying.

Harassment, Intimidation, and Bullying (HIB) are laws in place to prevent and address bullying. They cover in-person bullying and cyberbullying, and school districts are required to create policies to maintain a safe environment for all students to learn without fear or threat of bullying.

[caption id="attachment_72860" align="alignright" width="300"] All 50 states in the United States have anti-bullying laws. Map courtesy of StopBullying.gov.[/caption]

Bullying is underreported by kids, parents, and schoolsI’ve worked as a high school social worker for the last seven years, and I believe there are gaps in these laws. More students are being bullied than what is reported.

I’ve spoken to adolescents about bullying in schools. Here are two key problems my students highlight that impact anti-bullying initiatives:

Students do not want to report when they’re being bullied for fear of a decline in social status or retaliation from the bully.
Students believe that anti-bullying programs don’t work or do not make a difference in their experience.

HIB laws are only effective if someone reports these behaviors. A reporter can be the student being bullied, a bystander, a friend, a teacher, or a parent. Many times, when bullying is reported, students and parents may feel like school policies lack the follow-up and follow-through necessary to create lasting changes in the school culture and environment. The truth is, to make lasting changes and a more harmonious school environment, we should all be preaching and practicing ways to prevent bullying at home and at school.

Here are 5 bully prevention tips for parents and schools that work.

[caption id="attachment_72863" align="alignleft" width="200"] Released in 2015, Disney's Inside Out is a film that explores the consequences and portrayal of emotions and memories.[/caption]

Teach your child empathyEmpathy is our ability to understand the feelings of others. The most important step to learning empathy is actually understanding our own feelings and emotions. Here are additional steps to take to teach your child empathy:
Provide space and validation of your child’s feelings, especially the hard ones like anger, jealousy, resentment, sadness, and grief.
Read books about emotions, or if your child is older, allow them to speak the truth of their experience without lecturing or interpreting.
Give them space to process the hard feelings.
Help children understand that they don’t always have to agree with or even like other people, and they can still coexist without conflict.

You should also model for your child how to be kind to others or how to take the perspective of others' situations. It is also worthwhile to examine your own bias and opinions to see how this influences your child, either as a parent or as a teacher/school community member.

[caption id="attachment_72865" align="alignright" width="300"] Formed in 2009, the Upstander Project uses storytelling to amplify silenced narratives, develop upstander skills to challenge systemic injustice, and nurture compassionate, courageous relationships that honor the interconnection of all beings and the Earth.[/caption]

Teach your child to be an upstanderAfter your child understands empathy, the next step is teaching your child how to be an upstander.

An upstander is someone who intervenes when someone else is being bullied or targeted. This does not mean your child has to fight. In fact, discourage the use of violence or retaliation as a means to combat a bully. Instead, encourage your child to reach out to the person being bullied. Ask them if they’re okay. Pull them away from the situation, even if your child does not know them.

If the child doesn’t feel comfortable intervening directly, they can be encouraged to reach out to a trusted staff member or family member to intervene. In the case of cyberbullying, your child can take screenshots of the interaction, and show them to a trusted adult.

Bullying becomes a bigger problem when we ignore it; when we believe that someone else will intervene or take care of it. If we create a community of upstanders, people are more likely to feel safe around each other and less likely to become victimized by bullying.

[caption id="attachment_72867" align="alignleft" width="300"] The Gay & Lesbian Urban Experience (GLUE) were one of the first to introduce the concept of a "safe space" in 1989. This is the symbol they created to represent universal acceptance of gay rights and a stance against homophobia.[/caption]

Create safe spaces for children of all agesThis is especially important for schools. Children and adolescents need a place to feel heard, seen, and understood.

In my experience, a student will not be honest with you if they feel like you’re not wholly listening, lecturing, or if you’re telling them what to do. Many times, students feel shut down and invalidated by adults who minimize their problems or throw simple solutions at them.

Children need to be given the space to discuss their problems and brainstorm their own solutions. They will be more likely to follow through and feel empowered if they’re the main focus of any problem-solving session. Believe them when they say they’re struggling, even if you personally do not think their problems are a big deal.

[caption id="attachment_72869" align="alignright" width="221"] Albert Eglash (pictured here) is credited with the creating the modern definition of "restorative justice" in 1977.[/caption]

Restorative justice is a crucial bully prevention tipChildren who bully need just as much attention as the person who is being bullied. Oftentimes, a person who bullies is struggling with self-esteem issues, grief and loss, abuse, or other big emotions that they can’t process. Bullying can give a person a sense of importance, power, and control over their situation, especially when they feel out of control.

If your child is guilty of bullying, get them counseling or additional support. Excessive punishment or labeling the child as “bad” or as a bully will likely alienate them further, and cause repeat offenses. Require the child to make amends with the person they’ve bullied, take a course in empathy, or do community service hours. These experiences will help the child understand why their actions do harm to others, and give them a chance to do good for others instead.

Strengthen those empathy muscles!

[caption id="attachment_72871" align="alignleft" width="265"] Mitch Prinstein Ph.D. (pictured here), Chief Science Officer at the American Psychological Association (APA), recently testified to the U.S. Senate Committee on Judiciary on social media's dangers to children[/caption]

Limit or monitor your child's social media useThis bully prevention tip is mostly for the parents, as schools have little to no control over how students utilize social media.

Social media can be a great tool for children and adolescents to connect with one another. It’s also an unsupervised free-for-all where they can say whatever they want without the in-person consequence of witnessing hurt feelings. Know what apps your child signs up for and whether it’s an appropriate app for their age. Here are some tips for keeping a check on your child's social media life:

Check into their account (and make sure you know if they have hidden ones) to monitor for signs of bullying either by your child or to your child.
Set time limits for your child’s social media use. Less access means less opportunity to be a troll or be trolled by others.
Talk to your child about appropriate social media use, and using empathy even when they’re online.
Encourage your child to sign up for in-person socializing opportunities like clubs, sports, scouts, or whatever interests them. These structured social activities can help with building self-esteem, camaraderie, social skills, and empathy.

[caption id="attachment_72556" align="alignright" width="260"] CFR Staff Therapist Danielle Silverman, LCSW, MEd[/caption]

About the AuthorDanielle Silverman, LCSW, MEd, is a Staff Therapist at Council for Relationships. If you have questions for Danielle about her bully prevention tips for parents and schools, or if you would like to schedule an appointment with her, you may reach her at dsilverman@councilforrelationships.org or 215-382-6680 ext. 7015.

Individual, Couple, and Family Therapy is available at low or no-fee rates.CFR believes that all individuals, couples, and families should have access to the highest quality mental health services regardless of their ability to pay. That is why we offer low-fee and no-fee therapy for those facing financial hardships. Click here to learn more.

More from CFRhttps://councilforrelationships.org/tips-for-schools-to-support-suicidal-teens-in-2023/

https://councilforrelationships.org/back-to-school/

https://councilforrelationships.org/the-transition-back-to-school/

View Details

Finding a Philadelphia therapist or Wynnewood, PA, therapist accepting new patients can be difficult. CFR is proud to have Staff Therapist Hope Nichols, LMFT as a member of our organization. Hope sees patients virtually and at CFR’s Center City Philadelphia office and Wynnewood, PA, office. She is currently accepting new patients.

Continue reading to learn more about Hope, her therapeutic approaches, goals, and training.

[caption id="attachment_72830" align="alignleft" width="298"] Hope Nichols, LMFT (pictured here) is currently accepting new clients.[/caption]

Hope's journey to becoming a therapistI did my graduate work in counseling psychology and, along with courses directly related to my graduate degree, I studied art therapy, expressive arts, and music therapy. I took those additional courses not so much because I thought I would be working with children and families, but because I believed these interventions were a powerful tool for connecting with both children and adults.

For the first five years after I completed my graduate degree, I worked in a small residential nursing home. That is when I first heard about CFR's Post Graduate Certification program, one of the best training programs in the Philadelphia region. So in 2010, I began attending CFR's program for Marriage and Family Therapy (MFT) and completed my licensure three years later. Continuing my career in therapy at CFR has left me with a sense that I've returned to my roots.

Using art to reach childrenMy therapeutic practice is unique because of my extensive experience of, and comfort with, working with very young children and their families. I often use art in therapy, as the process of doing art can help children become more aware of feelings and emotions children may be unaware of or only partly aware exist.

What a new therapy patient can expect in their first session with Hope.In the first session, I'll create a safe environment for you to explain the problem(s) you'd like to work on and to ask me the questions you may have about the therapeutic process.

The following are my two goals for therapy:

Address your presenting problems in a safe environment
Create a strong therapeutic relationship with you

I work from an array of theoretical viewpoints. As an integrative therapist, I select from myriad approaches and often use more than one approach to help you reach your mental health goals. I am committed to you reaching those goals. I will gather and assess data to create a therapeutic plan for you that fosters healing, greater self-awareness, and a vision for a positive future.

Are you struggling with the decision to book a therapy appointment?If you have hesitant to begin therapy, I strongly encourage you to stretch outside your comfort zone when feeling the need for change. With understanding, compassion, and hope, you can turn adversity into an opportunity for positive changes and new beginnings.

CFR therapists are accepting new patients. Ready to book an appointment with a psychiatrist or therapist? Questions about session costs?Hope Nichols, LMFT is a Philadelphia and Wynnewood, PA, therapist accepting new patients. Click here to book an appointment.

You may reach Hope at hnichols@councilforrelationships.org or 215-770-2334 ext 7061.

See our Therapist & Psychologist Directory to find a different CFR therapist or psychiatrist near you.

View Details

Lent is a springtime season in the Christian Church that begins a 40-day discipline of prayer, fasting, and contemplation. Lent also forces us to grapple with our own mortality. This can be triggering for many, but, with meditation and reflection, Lent can be a wonderful season for our mental health. Read on to learn more about Lent and mental health.

[caption id="attachment_72804" align="alignleft" width="300"] Pope Frances blessing the crowd at the Vatican following Easter Mass in 2018.[/caption]

Remember that you are dust and to dust you shall return.Lent begins on Ash Wednesday, a somber day on which the church reminds the faithful of their mortality. Christians gather on Ash Wednesday to have ash smeared on their far-head in the shape of a cross with clergy telling the recipient of the ash that they are to “remember that you are dust and to dust you shall return”. Basically, this is the church reminding the faithful that they are going to die. Reminding them that their lives are finite. Remember, this life will not continue indefinitely. We have an end, and we must begin now to prepare ourselves for eternity.

During these 40 days the Christian Church encourages the believer to a practice of prayer, fasting, and almsgiving as the primary methods of preparation. Ultimately, this penitential season culminates in the celebration of the Resurrection of our Lord on Easter Sunday, a time when Christians celebrate that God has the victory over death and the grave.

In many ways, this Lenten season can be summed up as a movement from death to resurrection; by dying to ourselves and returning the focus of our life onto our dependence and need for God who is our helper and our strength.

[caption id="attachment_72806" align="alignright" width="300"] The color purple is typically associated with the Lenten season because it suggests repentance and solemnity.[/caption]

Mental health and Lent: A time to acknowledge one's needs and vulnerabilities.The Lenten season asked the Christian to acknowledge their need, and accept the truth about their vulnerability and dependence on God.

And this faith-filled conversation about life, vulnerability, death, and eternity can prove sometimes to be triggering for some people. My hope is that this blog can provide some guidance on how to participate in the Lenten Journey while also making physical and mental health a priority. As Christians, we have a God who is not only concerned with only our souls but also with the whole of our life including our physical, mental, and emotional state.

The first thing to consider as a Christian contemplates giving something up for God is if this act will have any effect on your physical or your mental health. An important daily question for you to ask yourself is, “What do I need to do to care for my physical, mental and emotional wellbeing?” Finding some clarity around these needs can help us discern the non-negotiable areas of what to and what not to sacrifice for the season of Lent. For example, it would not be safe for a diabetic to adopt any fasting practices that significantly compromise blood sugar levels. Yes, it is true that fasting/abstaining from food as your spiritual discipline can be distressing but it shouldn’t be so distressing that we can’t function or are in danger of increased physical or mental health harm. In other words, if your fasting causes you to be physically ill, or leads to some mental health challenges, it defeats the purpose of Lent because most likely if you are ill, you will not be able to receive anything from God. Our Lenten fast is not about making ourselves miserable, but to closely align our will with the will of God. And God is the God of abundant life – and God chooses life and chooses you to be his beloved child.

For many years, I had a young person in my congregation enter a mental health crisis each Lenten season by the 5th week. Consistently, each year, beginning Holy Week he needed to be hospitalized. This young man completely missed the point of the Lenten fast as creating space to focus on the love, grace, and the tender-hearted kindness of God. He missed that he was a beloved child of God and rather focused on his sin, his failure, his inability, and his brokenness. Of course, if you spend 40 days ruminating on your moral failure you will succumb to depression, anxiety, and despair. You will make yourself sick. Because, how we think about life determines quite a bit about our emotional state.

[caption id="attachment_72807" align="alignleft" width="300"] A yoke is a frequent allegory used in the Bible.[/caption]

Take my yoke upon yourselves and learn from me.We enter this Lenten season to ponder God’s love and receive the gift of forgiveness and reconciliation with the Lord so that we may go forth into the world to love others and especially to love ourselves – even as God has first loved us. So Lent is not about beating ourselves up and making ourselves feel bad; it is about acceptance, love, and grace.

Jesus invites his followers to be yoked to him. A yoke was a wooden beam that was fastened over the necks of two animals and attached to the plow or cart that they were to pull across the field. The invitation to be yoked to Jesus symbolized a willingness to submit to his teaching. About this yoke, Jesus said, “Take my yoke upon yourselves and learn from me; I am gentle and humble of heart, and you shall find rest for your souls” (Matthew 11:29).

It is important to address what to do if you're beginning to feel depressed, anxious, or overwhelmed by life. First, pause and re-evaluate what it is that you are doing. Are your Lenten practices serving your well-being or are they making you ill? Secondly, know that God is for you. God wants you to thrive and to dwell in His peace and he wants to give you rest for your soul.

St Paul is quick to remind the believer in Romans 8:1 that in Christ there is no condemnation. So, Christian, stop beating yourself up spiritually. Why? Paul goes on to explain that Christ has already set us free. We are free to embrace life, to be resilient and live with the joy of knowing God has chosen us and forgiven us.

[caption id="attachment_72809" align="alignright" width="200"] Golgotha, or Calvary, outside of Jerusalem is traditionally believed to be the site of Jesus's crucifixion.[/caption]

It is all about reconciliation with God and one another.As we enter Holy Week and remember the final days of Jesus's earthly life, I am drawn to the words of my faith tradition, the Lutheran liturgy of confession for Holy Thursday as being life giving and freeing.

Friends in Christ, in this Lenten season we have heard our Lord’s call to struggle against sin, death, and the devil—all that keeps us from loving God and each other. This is the struggle to which we were called at baptism.

Within the community of the church, God never wearies of forgiving sin and giving the peace of reconciliation. On this night let us confess our sin against God and our neighbor and enter the celebration of the great Three Days reconciled with God and with one another. (ELW 2006)

It is all about reconciliation with God and one another. That being said, if things are feeling stuck, overwhelming, and empty, then it makes perfect sense to reset and meditate on what it means to enter the celebration reconciled with God and one another.

Ask yourself, “What will help me open my heart to the mystery of Holy Week and help me receive Christ more fully into my heart?” You may be surprised by the answer. All you may need to do is accept and receive what God has already accomplished for you.

[caption id="attachment_72803" align="alignleft" width="260"] Dr. Dolores Littleton, CFR's Director of Post Graduate Certification Program for Clergy.[/caption]

About the AuthorDolores Littleton, DMin, LMFT, is the Director of CFR's Post Graduate Certification Program for Clergy. Dr. Littleton is a consultant and coach for churches and clergy who are experiencing conflict and are seeking to focus on mission and ministry.

You may reach Dr. Littleton at dlittleton@councilforrelationships.org or by phone at (610) 213-9725.

See our Therapist & Psychologist Directory to find a different CFR therapist or psychiatrist near you.

About our Clergy Training OpportunitiesCFR offers a wide range of educational offerings for clergy, including the Clergy Track of the Post Graduate Certificate Program in Marriage and Family Therapy, the Congregational and Family Systems Academy Certificate Program, and Workshops for Clergy. Click here to learn more.

More from CFRhttps://councilforrelationships.org/transcending-trauma-project-holocaust-survivors-view-faith/

https://councilforrelationships.org/the-family-and-now-the-nation-that-howls-together/

View Details

Transgender Day of Visibility, or TDoV, is a day where we celebrate the lives and contributions of the transgender community. At a time of unprecedent discrimination and violence aimed at people who identify as transgender or nonbinary, it is more important than ever that we all come together to support those who are marginalized. Guest author and therapist CJ Mooney of PHIIRST shares their thoughts on Transgender Day of Visibility and mental health.

[caption id="attachment_72787" align="alignleft" width="300"] The transgender flag (pictured here) commonly used today was first proposed in 1999.[/caption]

What does “visibility” really mean?The notion of “transgender visibility” is as complex and nuanced as the expansive range of gender identities within the trans community. While being seen is vital to any kind of advocacy for change, standing out of the crowd as an openly trans or gender-expansive person can also mean vulnerability. For folx in this community, being publicly “out and proud” can be a mixed experience that opens us to attacks on our dignity, physical and emotional safety, and often our very lives. As we see clearly in the present political climate, violence also comes in the form of legislation; as of the writing of this post, the ACLU is tracking 430 anti-LGBTQ bills at the state level across the U.S., many of which seek to criminalize the bodies and identities of trans adults and children, and punish families and allies for validating their existence.

For those who do not enjoy the privilege of having their assigned gender be fully congruent with their gender identity and/or presentation, visibility can also trigger internalized negative experiences like shame, self-gaslighting, low self-worth, and a sense of disconnection from Self. Instances of anxiety, depression, self-harm, and suicide are highest in the trans-identified population, and this is most prevalent in transgender BIPOC and youth/adolescent demographics, folx who are systemically less culturally and economically empowered to safely access mental health and medical care. The Trevor Project’s 2022 national survey on LGBTQ+ youth mental health echoes these facts, adding that fears of being dismissed, misunderstood, or being non-consensually “outed” while trying to access care were some of the most significant
barriers.

[caption id="attachment_72788" align="alignright" width="300"] Lucie Fielding (pictured here) is an author and therapist known, in part, for her 2021 book, Trans Sex: Clinical Approaches to Trans Sexualities and Erotic Embodiments[/caption]

Allyship in actionAll of this points to the fact that visibility is important, but is much more meaningful when accompanied by action. Trans-Week.com names the experiences of trans joy and empowerment as “the antidote to anti-trans violence”. In the mental health community, promoting trans joy and empowerment can come in many forms, but it is vital to begin with a clinician’s own honest reflection on the role gender has played in their lived experience. Cultural narratives and negative cognitive biases affect every individual in our society, but cisgender people are not often required or encouraged to critically explore these messages in the same way that gender-expansive folx have been forced to do.

Lucie Fielding, non-binary trans femme clinician and author of the award-winning book Trans Sex, suggests writing or other creative exercises that center the experience of “gender pleasure” (rather than “euphoria” or “dysphoria”), which can help in parsing out one’s true relationship to gender. By exploring times we have felt affirmed and embodied in our gender, we can also discover places that someone else’s story about our gender has felt inaccurate or oppressive; in this experience, cisgender and gender-expansive folks alike can find meaning and nuance in their relationship to this often under-explored but vital piece of identity.

[caption id="attachment_72789" align="alignleft" width="300"] Jennicet Gutiérrez (pictured here) is an activist for transgender rights and immigrant rights.[/caption]

What can Transgender Day of Visibility inspire in you?In the words of Jennicet Gutierréz, Co-Executive Director at Familia: Trans Queer Liberation Movement, “liberation is the ability for trans people to be able to create, to come to each other, enjoy each other's beauty”. Activism and political engagement, educating yourself and others, writing or creating art, and strengthening community bonds are all ways to practice self-acceptance and celebrate the beautiful diversity of gender identities in our world. (These actions can be healing and promote better mental health in all genders!)

The resilience of the trans and gender-expansive community lies in our ability to hold two truths simultaneously - namely, that we are in a daily fight for our lives and basic human rights, and that we are capable of unapologetic joy, pleasure, embodiment, creativity, and celebration that exist outside the realm of conventional imagination.

[caption id="attachment_72790" align="alignright" width="297"] CJ Mooney (picture here) is an eclectic systemic therapist at PHI[/caption]

About the AuthorCJ Mooney, MFT, CTP (they/she) is a queer, genderqueer, white, visibly able-bodied, neuro-atypical (AuDHD) sex/relationship & trauma therapist. They completed their internship work at CFR, and now work in private practice in Center City Philadelphia.

Follow them on Instagram.

More from CFRhttps://councilforrelationships.org/learning-from-caitlyn-jenner-supporting-transgender-people/

https://councilforrelationships.org/honoring-visibility-during-disability-history-month-disability-employment-awareness-month/

View Details

[caption id="attachment_72729" align="alignleft" width="300"] Mattie James (pictured here) is a "momfluencer" and author with over 135k Instagram followers.[/caption]

From over-the-top pregnancy reveals to momfluencers with hundreds of thousands of followers, social media might lead new parents to believe pregnancy is relatively easy. It is not. Pregnancy is complicated.

The pregnancy reality for new parents is often more complicated than social media wants you to believe.At best, pregnancy is a joyful time for you and your family (chosen or biological), bringing everyone together to celebrate a new life. In reality, it often comes with more than just unbridled excitement.

Anxiety, isolation, comparison, and guilt – these are some of the emotions that many pregnant people feel at some point during pregnancy, and that’s not even including the physical symptoms and implications of your ever-changing body on your mental health. Pregnancy is a quintessentially unique experience for every person, but that doesn’t mean you are alone at any point throughout the process.

[caption id="attachment_72731" align="alignright" width="225"] Jessica Grose (pictured here) is a journalist and author who has written extensively on social media and pregnancy.[/caption]

Why don’t new parents use social media to talk about the difficulties of pregnancy?Individually, we witness others’ lives in a highlight reel through social media or in the abridged version they tell us. What we see impacts how we understand the world and ourselves. If you’ve watched someone you love struggle to get pregnant, and you get pregnant on the first try, where is the space for you to celebrate? How can you do so while holding the validity of others’ experiences?

There’s pressure to feel happy about something that maybe disrupts your career trajectory or adjusts your timeline in a way that doesn’t suit your reality. What if you don’t feel ready financially, emotionally, or mentally? Where do the self-doubt and the guilt around the multitude of emotions you’re feeling go? Opening up to people about the entirety of your experience and the complexity of it takes emotional labor, and some may not feel up to the arduous task of letting people see the nuance or hardship associated with pregnancy. “Baby and mom are healthy” or “we’re so excited” is often easier to say than to feel.

Societal expectations of motherhood reinforce the notion that mothers are to be neither seen nor heard. That begins at conception. Pregnant people are not given the space to discuss their fears around miscarriage, the physical toll of pregnancy, or how hard it is to say manage fertility doctors’ appointments during a corporate workday because we are taught that pregnancy shouldn’t be announced until after the first trimester. Explain away the morning sickness and fatigue and mourn or ruminate in private. This dynamic ingrain a culture of secrecy and, in turn, can potentially exacerbate the isolation that pregnant people feel from their communities.

[caption id="attachment_72733" align="alignleft" width="300"] Dr. Cheryl Bettigole (pictured here) is the Philadelphia Health Commissioner, whose department in 2022 released a critical report on depression and pregnant & postpartum Philadelphians.[/caption]

Adjustment is often messy; pregnancy is not an exception to this rule.Individually, romantically, and societally, we have the potential to feel disconnected throughout pregnancy and layer these facets together to keep us apart during one of the most physically and mentally disruptive phases of our lives. Can you stand in your experience and model to others what it means to be pregnant? Can you rely on your support systems when you ask for it? Reckoning with the changes individually and within our relationships as a result of pregnancy may give more space for normalizing hardship. Talking about hardship in all its complexity, with the people you trust and those who can hold space for your experience, can make it lighter.

Ideally, we can confide in our partner about our most vulnerable thoughts and feelings during the pregnancy process. When one of you is pregnant, the expectation is that both of you will be feeling the same things as they arise, even though only one of you is physically experiencing changes. That can be difficult for partnerships to navigate and can lend itself to disconnection. Do we, as people and as a society, allow for the idea that some relationships struggle throughout pregnancy, or do we automatically assume it brings us closer? Pregnancy is a significant life change, and with that comes adjustment. Adjustment is often messy; pregnancy is not the exception to this rule.

[caption id="attachment_72735" align="alignright" width="260"] Kathy Klein, M.S.Ed., MSW, LSW (pictured here) is a CFR Staff Therapist.[/caption]

About the AuthorKathy Klein, M.S.Ed., MSW, LSW, is a CFR Staff Therapist in Philadelphia. She is currently accepting new patients. Click here to book an appointment.

You may reach Kathy at kklein@councilforrelationships.org or 215-382-6680 ext 7022.

See our Therapist & Psychologist Directory to find a different CFR therapist or psychiatrist near you.

About CFR’s Women’s Psychological Health ServicesWomen’s Psychological Health Services (WPHS) connects specially-trained clinicians to help women navigate mental health through all the stages of their lives, including during pregnancy and postpartum.

Click here to learn more about WPHS.

More from CFRhttps://councilforrelationships.org/benefits-of-pregnancy-and-postpartum-support-groups/

https://councilforrelationships.org/my-message-to-women-you-do-not-have-to-suffer-in-silence/

https://councilforrelationships.org/need-a-vacation-try-a-social-media-break/

View Details

Council for Relationships is known for couples and family therapy since 1932. But who discovered and developed Family Therapy? Virgina Satir is considered the Mother of Family Therapy. Her findings and therapeutic process remain highly influential for therapists. Read on the learn more about Virginia Satir and the five things she would tell you about the therapeutic process if she was alive today.

[caption id="attachment_72682" align="alignleft" width="225"] Virginia Satir is known as the "Mother of Family Therapy."[/caption]

Who is Virginia Satir?Virginia Satir was born into a large farming family in rural Wisconsin in 1916. She had a complicated family life from the start, having to navigate around her father’s alcoholism and her mother’s fanatical religious beliefs. When Satir was five she developed appendicitis, which caused her to be hospitalized for several months. Perhaps these early complications in her life led her to become interested in the emotional interactions within families from a young age.

Satir’s career began in 1950 with a private practice in Chicago, where she discovered her gift for working with families. In 1959 she co-founded the Mental Research Institute (MRI) and in 1962, she created and led the first Family Therapy training program.

As a student of experiential therapy, Satir was driven to focus more on individuals and their emotions than on theories and interactions. Often described as “warm and genuine,” she was well known for using her “large” personality to connect with people and disarm them. The following are the five most powerful parts of her therapeutic approach.

[caption id="attachment_72687" align="alignright" width="300"] In 1916, Virginia Satir was born in Neillsville, Wisconsin (pictured here).[/caption]

Touch is powerful*Satir would often demonstrate her theories to families using touch as well as words.

In one well-known case that involved two little boys who had been abused by their mother and were struggling to express their emotions without using violence, Satir showed their father and stepmother the difference between touching to “punish” and touching to “protect.” She initially used her own forearm as a place for the parents to notice and practice their touch before she encouraged them to try it on each other. Satir highlighted that touch to protect sets limits and softens more easily while touch to punish remains hard until it ends. She noted that the boys had learned hate through touch and now needed to learn love through experiencing touch as well.

As this example demonstrates, she regularly invited physical touch with clients (held hands, gave them a hug, demonstrated different ways of care through touch) and encouraged them to practice healthy touch amongst each other.

*Touch must always be consensual and is not always appropriate for therapeutic settings.

[caption id="attachment_72683" align="alignleft" width="300"] Virginia Satir started her career at the Illinois Psychiatric Institute in the 1950s. Today the institute is part of the University of Illinois Chicago.[/caption]

Don’t confuse the “instrumental” and “expressive” functions of emotionsSatir wanted families to understand that emotions are instruments that express needs.

She felt that families tended to punish their children for expressing their overwhelming emotions, which led to blunting and hiding those emotions (and the needs they express) later in life.

Learning how to see emotions as instruments, as well as expressions, allows everyone in the family to be more curious about the cause of the emotions and how to address them.

[caption id="attachment_72685" align="alignright" width="300"] The Satir Model of Change was originally developed by Virginia Satir.[/caption]

Don’t be afraid of the “chaos stage”In Satir’s loose outline of her therapeutic model, she identified the following as the three stages of therapy:
Joining stage
Chaos stage
Integration stage

Therapists create a solid base of trust and understanding with their clients in the joining stage.

In the integration stage, therapists integrate the new problem-solving techniques, which create feelings of satisfaction and hope for the clients.

It is the middle stage, the chaos stage, that is often the hardest on the clients. In this stage, old ways of coping are dismantled, and the pain and confusion caused by underlying issues are revealed. This can be the moment where clients question therapy as they feel “worse” than they did before they started. It is only by leaning into the process and making it to the integration stage that they can see the benefits of this painful middle stage.

[caption id="attachment_72686" align="alignleft" width="228"] The Satir Personal Iceberg (courtesy of the Satir Institute of the Pacific)[/caption]

Everyone is working towards connection, even when they are acting outPeople say Satir thought of individuals and their relationships like icebergs.

The behaviors they exhibited were just what showed above the surface. Underneath the surface were things like feelings, perceptions, and coping mechanisms. It was important to Satir that family members begin to see themselves and one another like this as well. She labeled even the worst behaviors, like violence and hateful words, as attempts (albeit maladaptive ones) by individuals to connect with others.

[caption id="attachment_72684" align="alignright" width="300"] In the 1960s, Virginia Satir accepted a position as the head of training at the Human Potential Development Program at the Esalen Institute (pictured here in California).[/caption]

Identifying hopes and dreams to work towards is more important than getting rid of “bad behaviors”Satir wanted to move people away from complaining and towards finding what they wanted to work for.

She highlighted the positive intentions that individuals had in the family, even as they struggled to change their behaviors. Satir believed that reinstalling hope in families and examining old dreams, as well as highlighting new dreams that may be emerging, creates the necessary space for positive change. She encouraged families to let old behaviors fall away naturally as new healthy ideas were explored in service to the family’s dreams.

[caption id="attachment_72689" align="alignleft" width="276"] Virginia Satir's legacy continues to influence therapists today, most notably the work of Dr. Sue Johnson (pictured here).[/caption]

How does the Virginia Satir therapeutic process continue to influence therapists today?While Virginia Satir’s life and career are plenty interesting, it was her gender as well as her approach that made her a particularly important clinician in the history of Family Therapy.

At the time that she was emerging as a major figure in her field, Family Therapy was focused on concrete theory, systemic thinking, and interactions (as opposed to emotions). Satir led more with intuition than “logic” and used only a loose model of theory to guide her. This was in stark contrast to other contemporaries in her field who focused on detailed models with more specific interventions, such as Murray Bowen (Family Systems Theory), Salvador Minuchin (Structural Family Therapy), and Jay Haley (Strategic Family Therapy).

It is easy to imagine that Satir faced much criticism from others as one of the only women leaders in her field and an individual who chose to focus on emotions at a time when they were deemphasized. But her work spoke for itself. She helped thousands of families and trained many future clinicians.

It is an impressive and notable feat that, in the face of all that was against her, she was able to stick to her own beliefs and form her own style and school of thought. Her impact was vast, influencing past clinicians like Ivan Boszormenyi-Nagy’s (Contextual Therapy), and continues to impact clinicians today, most notably Sue Johnson (Emotionally Focused Therapy).

[caption id="attachment_72616" align="alignright" width="259"] Staff Therapist Sarafina Kietzman-Nicklin, MFT[/caption]

About the AuthorSarafina Kietzman-Nicklin, MFT is a CFR Staff Therapist in Philadelphia and Paoli, PA. She is currently accepting new patients. Click here to book an appointment.

You may reach Sarafina at skietzman-nicklin@councilforrelationships.org or 215-770-2334 ext 4351.

See our Therapist & Psychologist Directory to find a different CFR therapist or psychiatrist near you.

About CFR's Women's Psychological Health ServicesWomen’s Psychological Health Services (WPHS) connects specially-trained clinicians to help women navigate mental health through all the stages of their lives, including during pregnancy and postpartum.

Click here to learn more about WPHS.

More from CFRhttps://councilforrelationships.org/benefits-of-pregnancy-and-postpartum-support-groups/

https://councilforrelationships.org/womens-mental-health-disparities-2023/

https://councilforrelationships.org/philadelphia-therapist-accepting-new-patients-sarafina-kietzman-nicklin/

https://councilforrelationships.org/benefits-of-mindfulness-on-womens-health/

View Details

While becoming a new mother is rewarding, the journey is riddled with constant change, uncertainty, feelings of doubt, fear, and isolation. New mothers often fear voicing their needs or reaching out for help because they fear burdening those around them. New mothers also wrestle with feelings of guilt and shame for feeling anxious, depressed, overwhelmed, and in some cases battling postpartum psychosis. Pregnancy and postpartum support groups offer relief to mothers and mothers-to-be. Read on to learn about the benefits of pregnancy and postpartum support groups.

[caption id="attachment_72645" align="alignleft" width="204"] Hippocrates (c 460-370 BCE) was one of the first to record instances of postpartum depression.[/caption]

The hardest job in the worldBeing a mother is perhaps one of the hardest vocations in the world. The 24/7 commitment and dedication required of mothers are far too often unacknowledged. Mothers often lack a safe place to talk about struggles, successes, questions, and concerns with other mothers.

One in five mothers will experience some sort of mental health problem during pregnancy or within a year after giving birth to their child. The care that mothers receive before, during, and after giving birth is vital.

The perinatal period is the time when a mother becomes pregnant up to a year after giving birth. The postpartum period, which is the months following the baby’s arrival, represents a time of notable changes, newfound responsibility, lifestyle transitions, emotional difficulty, and healing. Many mothers must heal following pregnancy-related complications that arise following labor and delivery.

Postpartum depression is often a struggle mothers face following childbirth. Pregnancy yields a significant fluctuation in hormones (specifically estrogen and progesterone) and this is accompanied by increased stress, feelings of being overwhelmed, sleep deprivation, and anxiety.

[caption id="attachment_72647" align="alignright" width="300"] Jane Honikman founded Postpartum Support International in 1987 and co-founded Parental Action Institute in 2015[/caption]

What are pregnancy and postpartum support groups?Locating and securing a solid postpartum support network is an invaluable step. Every mother deserves to be educated about and assisted with finding such a network.

A woman’s postpartum social support network can be viewed as a web of relationships. This web can include family, friends, neighbors, colleagues, and healthcare professionals; essentially anyone that is trustworthy, dependable, and who one can seek out for help. Whether the support is in-person or a phone call or video visit away, interpersonal support is statistically proven to help alleviate a woman’s high depressive symptoms.

Support groups and psychoeducational groups for expecting and new mothers can decrease stressors, create and strengthen relationships, and gradually improve social well-being for moms and babies. Mothers thrive when supported and affirmed by other mothers who can relate to and have a firsthand understanding of the perinatal and postpartum experience. So much can be said for empathic and judgment free-listening, focused attention, reflective language, and validating statements in a therapeutic setting.

[caption id="attachment_72649" align="alignleft" width="225"] Actress and model Brooke Shields, pictured here with her two daughters, has been public about her battle with postpartum depression. Photo by Michael Tran/FilmMagic[/caption]

The benefits of pregnancy and postpartum support groupsMothers' pregnancy and postpartum support groups seek to promote bonding between mother and baby and educate on ways to improve maternal mental health. They also provide a comforting and consoling environment for moms. Support groups can help moms decrease stress, anxiety, and depression and provide invaluable tools such as individual talk therapy, psychiatric care and medication management, and the many benefits of group therapy.

Most support groups for new or expecting moms in the Philadelphia region meet virtually or online on a weekly or bi-weekly basis. These groups are led by a licensed therapist or psychologist.

While discussion topics will vary, the following are common discussion themes:

Changes experienced during pregnancy
Managing relationships with spouses, family, and friends
Planning for the birth of baby
Coping strategies for mood changes
Psychotropic medications
How to normalize stressors and worries postpartum

The group format can consist of reading psychoeducation blogs and discussion posts (such as this one!), gleaning expert insight from professionals, and providing mothers with a safe space to vent their feelings and offer one another support, personal experience, and insights.

To all the mothers out there, whether seasoned or brand new: please know you are never alone and help is just a phone call or email away. You are worth it!

[caption id="attachment_71093" align="alignright" width="240"] CFR Staff Therapist Chimère G. Holmes, MA, MSEd, LPC[/caption]

About the AuthorChimère G. Holmes, MA, MSEd, LPC, is a CFR Staff Therapist and is accepting new patients. Chimère is currently accepting new clients. Click here to book an appointment.

If you have questions about this blog or are having difficulty locating pregnancy and postpartum support groups near you, reach out to Chimère at cholmes@councilforrelationships.org or 215-315-7551 ext. 7064.

See our Therapist & Psychiatrist Directory to find a CFR therapist or psychiatrist near you.

Click here to learn more about WPHS.

More from CFRhttps://councilforrelationships.org/news-item/postpartum-mental-illness-women-color/

https://councilforrelationships.org/thoughts-on-postpartum-depression/

https://councilforrelationships.org/my-message-to-women-you-do-not-have-to-suffer-in-silence/

https://councilforrelationships.org/featured-therapists-therapists-of-womens-psychological-health-services/

View Details

What can the Jewish holiday of Purim teach us about our own mental health? For one, it reminds us of the importance to unmask our true selves. Read on to learn more about Purim and mental health.

[caption id="attachment_72592" align="alignleft" width="300"] Esther and Mordecai by Arent de Gelder (1685)[/caption]

A Jewish Masquerade BallPurim is like a Jewish masquerade ball. Commemorating the Persian Jewish Queen Esther and her uncle Mordechai, Purim celebrates the unmasking of an evil plot by the king’s advisor, Haman, to trick the king into allowing Haman to murder the kingdom’s Jewish population. Haman has no idea that Queen Esther herself is Jewish. She must intervene to save her people by unmasking her own identity and thereby revealing Haman as the murderous coward that he is.

We celebrate this story by sharing sweet gifts and dressing up in the costumes of the various characters in the tale, masking and unmasking ourselves to enact the drama and affirming how revealing one’s identity can be a necessary act of courage.

[caption id="attachment_72593" align="alignright" width="300"] Judy Singer (pictured) is an Australian sociologist credited with coining the term "neurodiversity."[/caption]

Being our true selves can be hardMany people struggle to unmask themselves, to reveal the truth beneath the facade. This unmasking, too, can take some courage. When social pressures to conform force us to pretend or suppress ourselves, we can feel constricted, inauthentic, and stressed. This can frequently lead to anxiety and depression. It is exhausting and demoralizing to hide behind a mask!

The reasons people mask are varied. Neurodivergent people often mask themselves to hide behaviors that others find strange or unacceptable, such as the repetitive movements called “stimming” which soothe and help regulate the nervous system, but which neurotypical folks can find unsettling. Hiding special interests, such as an obsession with a particular kind of vehicle, animal species, or video genre, and instead trying to engage in neurotypical conversational tactics, can cause stress and uncertainty. Feigning interest in anything you find irrelevant or inaccessible is exhausting. Spending one’s day trying to fit in can wear one out by the end of the day.

[caption id="attachment_72598" align="alignleft" width="300"] A girl wearing a mask for Purim in Jerusalem, March 15, 2006. (Paula Bronstein/Getty Images)[/caption]

Mental health therapy can helpTherapy becomes a safe, private space to reveal one’s true self, perhaps for the first time. Many people who mask say it has become second nature to hide their truth, and only through revealing who they are and what they truly need, can they begin to unwind from the depression and anxiety that often accompany masking behaviors. In the safety of the therapy room, we explore the emotions, thoughts, and behaviors that feel natural for the client but are often disapproved of by a neurotypical world.

Unmasking ourselves TO ourselves is an essential step toward claiming an authentic, satisfying life. Once people become confident in who they are, they can practice unmasking in different ways. One might begin with trusted loved ones and start to experience the feeling of acceptance without pretense. This unmasking, too, can be an act of courage, as some view unmasking as a sign of vulnerability.

[caption id="attachment_72596" align="alignright" width="236"] Haman Begging the Mercy of Esther by Rembrandt (1635)[/caption]

Purim and Mental HealthPurim will begin Monday evening, March 6, and end the following evening. As many families do for Halloween, Jewish families with young children will dress in costume, and exchange sweet treats, including the triangular-shaped fruit-filled pastries called Hamantaschen, or “Haman’s Hat.” In synagogues around the world, designated readers will chant the Scroll of Esther aloud and the assembled congregation will drown out the sound of Haman’s name with each utterance. This noise can be overwhelming for children and others with sensory needs, so some communities will provide quieter spaces as well in order to be welcoming toward neurodivergent participants.

We still have a way to go to be fully inclusive of each other's differences, whether sensory, neurological, gender-based, cultural, or anything else. Meanwhile, perhaps we can lean into the courage of Queen Esther and boldly unmask ourselves, shining forth our authentic presence, and unapologetically asking others to take note, make any adjustments or accommodations, and get on with the business of celebrating the sweetness of our lives.

About the AuthorRabbi Margot Stein, MFT, is a Staff Therapist at Council for Relationships. If you have questions about this blog, you may reach Rabbi Stein at mstein@councilforrelationships.org or 215-382-6680 ext. 7076.

If you are looking for individual, couple, or family therapy or psychiatry, click here to request an appointment. See our Therapist & Psychiatrist Directory for additional CFR therapists or psychiatrists near you.

About CFR's Clergy Training ProgramCFR offers a wide range of educational offerings for clergy, including the Clergy Track of the Post Graduate Certificate Program in Marriage and Family Therapy, the Congregational and Family Systems Academy Certificate Program, and Workshops for Clergy.

Click here to learn more about CFR's Clergy Training Program.

More from CFRhttps://councilforrelationships.org/combatting-rising-antisemitism-racism-this-international-holocaust-memorial-day/

https://councilforrelationships.org/reflections-on-the-holocaust-and-the-war-in-ukraine/

https://councilforrelationships.org/impact-of-a-story/

View Details

Finding a Philadelphia therapist or Paoli, PA, therapist accepting new patients can be difficult. CFR is proud to have Staff Therapist Sarafina Kietzman-Nicklin, MFT, as a member of our organization. Sarafina sees patients virtually and at CFR’s University City Philadelphia office and Paoli, PA, office. She is currently accepting new patients.

Continue reading to learn more about Sarafina, her therapeutic approaches, goals, and training.

[caption id="attachment_72616" align="alignleft" width="259"] Staff Therapist Sarafina Kietzman-Nicklin, MFT[/caption]

Sarafina's journey to becoming a therapistBorn and raised in West Philadelphia by Quaker parents, I have always been aware of the power of community and connection. My parents were open about their own experiences in therapy and how helpful it was. They even attended a couple of sessions at CFR in the late 1980s! As I explored my values and what I wanted to spend my life doing, it became clear that therapy was the right career for me and that CFR’s larger values aligned with my own, making it a perfect fit.

A unique human. A unique therapist.I have a never-ending desire to learn and understand the world around me. Whether it is discovering how to make a new cocktail or doing a deep dive into a new poet, I love to get lost in any type of learning. As a therapist, I have a boundless joy in connecting with people. There is something healing in just sitting with someone and letting them feel seen. I love to bring humor into my sessions (when appropriate) to disarm people and let them know we are here to enjoy connection just as much as “work on” things.

What a new therapy patient can expect in their first session with SarafinaI find that individuals have often been on an arduous journey to actually get themselves into a therapist's office, so I let them lead the first session. I give them space to flesh out what has brought them into therapy and how they understand it.

Goals for new patientsThe goal of therapy is to feel more connected, knowing, and accepting of the self. We all have work to do but lasting change comes from wanting to take care of oneself and continue to grow, not from self-judgment and criticism.

Of course, this varies greatly depending on the client’s needs, but one of my favorite things to do is to identify the values a person has and wants to live by. This allows me to “call them in” when they do something that misaligns with their own values. In grounding them in their own values the work stays centered around them and their decision to live a life within these values.

Struggling with the decision to book a therapy appointment?There is great power in deciding to face yourself (or yourself and others, like a partner or a parent) in therapy. There is no right time or wrong time, only a space where you can discover that you have more to learn about yourself and your abilities than you could ever have imagined.

CFR therapists are accepting new patients. Ready to book an appointment with a psychiatrist or therapist? Questions about session costs?Sarafina Kietzman-Nicklin is a Philadelphia and Paoli, PA, therapist accepting new patients. Click here to book an appointment.

You may reach Sarafina at skietzman-nicklin@councilforrelationships.org or 215-770-2334 ext 4351.

See our Therapist & Psychologist Directory to find a different CFR therapist or psychiatrist near you.

View Details

Suicide is a topic no one wants to consider, and many people feel immensely uncomfortable talking about it. The reality is that suicidal thoughts are common, especially among teens and young adults. Knowing that suicide and suicidal thoughts are common among this age group, and likely underreported due to stigma, what can schools do to keep students safe? The following are five tips for schools to support suicidal teens.

1 in 5 teens report thoughts of suicideAccording to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), nearly 20% of teens report having serious thoughts about suicide, and 9% report a suicide attempt. The CDC reports that suicide is the second leading cause of death in youth ages 10-14. Suicide attempts were reported most frequently among girls compared to boys and non-Hispanic Native American/Alaska Native students compared to other groups. LGBTQ+ teens are also at a higher risk of suicide when compared to cisgender and heterosexual teens.

[caption id="attachment_72568" align="alignright" width="300"] First developed by MindWise Innovations, ACT is a simple way for people to remember how to respond when someone opens up to you about suicidal thoughts.[/caption]

Create Safe SpacesA common myth about suicidal ideation is that the more we talk about it, the more likely a person is to commit suicide. The truth is, talking about suicide and suicidal ideation destigmatizes these thoughts and allows for a safe space for students to process the difficult emotions that come with thoughts of suicide.

Train school staff to recognize the signs of suicide, which include significant changes in behavior or mood, hopelessness or feeling overwhelmed, and/or talking, writing, or posting about wanting to die or kill themselves. It is important to acknowledge and validate the student’s feelings and help them understand the meaning behind these feelings.

The Signs of Suicide Program recommends that school staff learn how to ACT:

Acknowledge: signs of depression or suicide in a student

Care: Reach out to the student with a listening ear

Tell: School mental health staff, administrators, and/or local authorities immediately

It is also important to educate students about suicide, and what to do if they are having suicidal thoughts. There are various curriculums and training modules available for schools to utilize including Signs of Suicide and Lifelines Intervention.

A school-wide assembly to discuss suicide is never recommended.

Small group settings with exit tickets help provide a more comfortable environment for students to understand suicide and request help for themselves or a friend.

[caption id="attachment_72576" align="alignleft" width="300"] Peggy Rajski (pictured here) and Randy Stone founded The Trevor Project, the first national crisis intervention and suicide prevention lifeline for LGBTQ+ youth, in 1998.[/caption]

Create a Crisis TeamTeachers are already stretched so thin with all of their responsibilities during the school day. They’re managing the ever-changing behavioral and educational needs of their students while also balancing state mandates for standardized testing and curriculum.

That being said, the teacher is frequently the first person who notices changes in students. Schools need to establish a Crisis Team for teachers to refer any high-risk students. School social workers, guidance counselors, school psychologists, and Student Assistance Counselors (SAC) are already trained in matters of mental health and are key staff to recruit for a Crisis Team in addition to administrators. These are members that can be called in to assess students, provide mental health support, provide resources, and make referrals.

[caption id="attachment_72574" align="alignright" width="300"] Dr. Kelly Posner Gerstenhaber, Founder and Director of the Columbia Lighthouse Project.[/caption]

Utilize suicide screening assessmentsThe Columbia Suicide Severity Rating Scale (CSSRS) was created to help any first responder in assessing a person for suicidal ideation including the severity and intensity of suicidal thoughts as well as behaviors that may indicate risk of suicide. This is an accessible assessment for a school because it can be used by any staff member, not just mental health providers.

The information on the CSSRS can help your school’s staff determine whether a student is at high risk for attempting suicide or even if a student is engaging in self-injury. This is a widely used assessment and provides valuable data for making referrals to other providers. The Columbia Lighthouse Project provides free training modules for staff to learn how to use the CCSRS.

[caption id="attachment_72583" align="alignleft" width="300"] Phil and Donna Satow founded The Jed Foundation after losing their son to suicide.[/caption]

Come up with a safety planOnce a student has been identified as being at high risk for suicide, it is critical to come up with a safety plan. The following are important questions to ask when creating a safety plan:
Does the student have access to lethal means at home including weapons or controlled substances?
What support will the student be getting outside of school? How are the student's parents or guardians involved with the safety plan?
Is the student safe to leave the school building or must they be picked up by a parent/guardian or ambulance to be further screened?
Can the student identify protective factors like reasons to live, ability to use coping skills, or intent to follow through with additional help?
What support can the school offer during the day to help the student cope? This may include check-ins with their guidance counselor/crisis team member, connecting the student with a mentor, or assisting the student in joining other school activities.

[caption id="attachment_72582" align="alignright" width="269"] The Society for the Prevention of Teen Suicide was founded in 2005 to increase awareness, save lives, and reduce the stigma of suicide.[/caption]

Make a referralWhile schools are in a great position to identify mental health issues, schools should not be the primary place where students get mental health support. Depending on the severity of the suicidal ideation, a student can be referred to different mental health supports in the community. Connecting students with therapists for talk therapy, and/or psychiatrists for medication management are usually the first level of support when a student expresses depression.

The next level of support would be a referral to a partial hospitalization program or intensive outpatient program. These are day programs ranging from 3-5 days a week for approximately 6-8 weeks where the student would receive support from therapists and psychiatrists in a group therapy setting.

The highest level of support would be inpatient treatment, where the student would remain in a locked unit under 24-hour supervision for approximately 3-10 days. The student would receive individual and group therapy as well as medication management.

If a student is identifying an intent to harm themselves or a suicide plan, referral to the closest crisis screening center or emergency room is crucial. When working with adolescents and teens, it is essential to know which screening centers in your area will service this age group. Calling ahead before the student is transported to the screening center, via ambulance or parent/guardian, is recommended.

Teen Suicide is PreventableThough suicide prevention in schools may seem like a daunting task, it is a crucial component of providing support to adolescents and teens who are struggling. Suicide is preventable, and help is available. In addition to these five tips for schools to support suicidal teens, check out the following resources:

For Pennsylvania Schools
For New Jersey Schools
988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline

For additional information or support around suicide prevention, contact your state department.

If you are anyone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988.

[caption id="attachment_72556" align="alignleft" width="260"] CFR Staff Therapist Danielle Silverman, LCSW, MEd[/caption]

About the AuthorDanielle Silverman, LCSW, MEd, is a Staff Therapist at Council for Relationships. If you have questions about Danielle's tips for schools to support suicidal teens or if you would like to schedule an appointment with her, you may reach her at dsilverman@councilforrelationships.org or 215-382-6680 ext. 7015.

If you are looking for individual, couple, or family therapy or psychiatry, click here to request an appointment. See our Therapist & Psychiatrist Directory to find additional CFR therapists or psychiatrists near you.

More from CFRhttps://councilforrelationships.org/hope-healing-loss-suicide/

https://councilforrelationships.org/spring-a-time-to-be-vigilant-about-suicide-prevention/

https://councilforrelationships.org/news-item/recent-suicides-and-how-to-get-help/

View Details

[caption id="attachment_72541" align="alignleft" width="300"] Visionary women psychologists, Dr. Emily Mudd, Dr. E. Kitch Childs, and Dr. Jean Lau Chin[/caption]

Women’s History Month is a time for us to reflect on the unique experience of women in our history. It is a time to evaluate how that experience has shaped our present reality, and what the implications are for offering programs and services that are both relevant and supportive of women. It is also a time to reflect on women's mental health disparities.

History of Oppression against WomenThere is a long history of oppression against women in the US. Women struggled for 80 years to win the right to vote. This struggle culminated in the passage of the Nineteenth Amendment to the US Constitution in 1919, which stated, “The right of citizens of the United States to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any state on account of sex.”

The right to vote was not the end of the struggle for women’s liberation by any means, and the disparities in experience in various life domains are still negatively impacting women today. Women are more likely to experience gender-based violence, have greater responsibility for child rearing, earn less for the same work, and have less bodily autonomy. These experiences create formidable barriers to women’s health and wellness, including women’s mental health.

[caption id="attachment_72527" align="alignright" width="238"] CFR Founder, Dr. Emily Hartshorne Mudd[/caption]

Council for Relationships' Continued Role in Women's HistoryWomen’s History Month is a great time to reflect on the types of services that are available to support women and where the gaps lie. Dr. Emily Mudd founded the Marriage Council of Philadelphia (what is now Council for Relationships, or CFR) in 1932, to help couples build healthier relationships and provide women with information on birth control. At the time, the field was so new that only two other organizations were doing similar work in the US, and no training programs existed for marriage counselors. Under Dr. Mudd’s direction, the Marriage Council became the first center in the country to establish a program to evaluate the effectiveness of counseling.

Dr. Mudd was a champion of women’s rights and a pioneer of couple and family counseling. Her expertise in working with women to explore their intimate relationships made her a trusted consultant to renowned doctors and therapists such as William Masters and Virginia Johnson. Dr. Mudd published five marriage counseling textbooks and continued to see clients into her eighties, although she formally retired from CFR in 1967. Dr. Mudd left a legacy in individual, couple, and family therapy that CFR continues today.

[caption id="attachment_72534" align="alignleft" width="300"] Stephen Klein Wellness Center in North Philadelphia[/caption]

Bridging Women's Mental Health Disparities with CFR's Women's Psychological Health ServicesCFR subsequently developed the Women’s Psychological Health Services (WPHS) program to better address the unique set of psychological difficulties that women experience. WPHS brings together clinicians who specialize in women’s issues so we can provide the best care for women. Our services include individual counseling, couple and family therapy, sex therapy, and psychiatric medication treatment and referrals. Our therapists and psychiatrists help women with a range of issues including the following:

Cancer
Fertility
Menopause
Postpartum
Pregnancy and pregnancy loss
Premenstrual syndromes

Looking ahead, we are excited to be starting a new partnership with the Project H.O.M.E. Stephen Klein Wellness Center to bridge a gap in perinatal mental health support for the Center's pregnant patients. Project HOME’s primary health clinic supports pregnant people in North Philadelphia by providing affordable, high-quality integrated healthcare services. This includes Reproductive and Child Health services, provided by an interdisciplinary team that focuses on all perinatal, reproductive, and pediatric care between 0-2 years old.

[caption id="attachment_72548" align="alignright" width="280"] Map of Philadelphia County with North Philadelphia highlighted.[/caption]

North Philadelphia's Maternal Morbidity CrisisBlack women are three to four times more likely to experience a pregnancy-related death than white women. Maternal morbidity and mortality are especially high in North Philadelphia’s medically underserved 19121 and 19132 zip codes where the Stephen Klein Wellness Center is located. 81% of the people who live in these two zip codes identify as Black. Low birthweights, preterm births, infant mortality, and poor mental health are more prevalent in this area than anywhere else in Philadelphia.

From 2013 to 2018, Philadelphia reported 110 pregnancy-associated deaths with 54% of those deaths occurring during the postpartum period. Almost half of the people who died had a history of mental illness. 39% died because of an accidental overdose.

At CFR we value every community member and believe that all pregnant and parenting people deserve equitable, high-quality medical care. That is why CFR will provide individual and family therapy for Stephen Klein Wellness Center patients and psychiatric consultations for the Center's medical team.

We All Have a Role to Play in Ending Women's Mental Health DisparitiesWe invite you to join CFR this Women’s History Month (and all year long) and be a part of supporting women’s mental health. There are various actions that you can take that will positively impact the well-being of women. The following are just some of the actions you might consider taking with us:

Words of affirmation
Recognition of women’s ideas and skills in the workplace
Lending an ear
Providing tangible support (for example, childcare or transportation)
Sharing women’s resource information (for example, a women's crisis hotline number or list of women's mental health service providers)
Donating to organizations that provide specialty services for women like CFR, Project H.O.M.E., or Women Against Abuse

Every action you take to champion women’s mental health has a ripple effect because women’s well-being has a significant impact on children’s mental health. When women and children thrive, our community as a whole thrives. Join us in helping to end women's mental health disparities.

[caption id="attachment_72551" align="alignright" width="260"] Dr. Jeannine L. Lisitski, CEO of Council for Relationships[/caption]

About the AuthorJeannine L. Lisitski, PhD, is the Chief Executive Office of the Council for Relationships. You may reach Dr. Lisitski at jlisitski@councilforrelationships.org or 215-382-6680 ext. 3220.

If you are looking for individual, couple, or family therapy or psychiatry, click here to request an appointment. See our Therapist & Psychiatrist Directory to find a CFR therapist or psychiatrist near you. If you have questions about WPHS services or would like assistance with a referral, please contact Jane Summers, MD.

More from CFRhttps://councilforrelationships.org/womens-psychological-health-services/

https://councilforrelationships.org/my-message-to-women-you-do-not-have-to-suffer-in-silence/

https://councilforrelationships.org/international-womens-day/

View Details

Finding a Philadelphia therapist or Blue Bell, PA, therapist accepting new patients can be difficult. CFR is proud to have Staff Therapist Daniel Martinez, MFT, as a member of our organization. Daniel sees patients virtually and at CFR’s Center City Philadelphia office and Blue Bell, PA, office. He is currently accepting new patients.

Continue reading to learn more about Daniel, his therapeutic approaches, goals, and training.

[caption id="attachment_69104" align="alignleft" width="277"] Daniel Martinez, MFT[/caption]

Daniel's journey to becoming a therapistBefore starting my career as a therapist, I was a philosophy/pre-medical student with a background in biomedical sciences and a registered EMT. I have always been fascinated by how various fields of study can come together to inform how we understand the human experience. That is why I prioritize a holistic approach to my practice as a therapist that encompasses the various elements of a client’s mental health, such as their psychological well-being, physical health, diet, sleep, and sense of meaning or spirituality.

I enjoyed my time as a CFR intern-therapist where I learned how to practice as a therapist while also working with incredible mentors and colleagues. The environment at CFR fostered my desire to explore what my therapeutic approach would ultimately evolve into after graduating from the program, while also serving the diverse Philadelphia population that I have grown to love working with.

Just because you're imperfect doesn't mean you need "fixing"I have always felt I had to learn to “wear the proper mask” to fit the mold of the various groups and communities that I have lived in throughout my life. As a result, I have developed an affinity towards authentic expression as part of my therapeutic technique. Part of that expression is normalizing that I am perfectly imperfect, just like my clients, colleagues, or mentors! We are imperfect humans that will never stop “figuring things out,” no matter how far we are in our respective journeys. There is something healing in knowing that while there is always room for us to improve ourselves, there is plenty about our current and imperfect condition that we can appreciate and which doesn’t require “fixing."

What a new therapy patient can expect in their first session with DanielI do my best to create a nonjudgmental space to express and process any emotion, while keeping centered on my clients' overall goal. During a first session, I get to know my client and their goals for therapy. We'll talk about their concerns, their history, and any previous experiences with therapy. I try to get a sense of where my client is in their journey, whether they are just trying therapy for the first time or have years of work under their belt that they wish to build upon. Ultimately, I try to always make room to process the myriad emotional issues that come up while still keeping an overarching goal in mind so that we can track and appreciate a sense of progress that the client can take with them after therapy.

Goals for new patientsMy goal as a therapist is to help my clients achieve a greater sense of authenticity and psychological wellness in order to discover their needs and fulfill their own aspirations. Therapy is more than simply talking with another individual about their problems. It can offer clients an opportunity to gain a deeper understanding of their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, as well as help them develop new strategies for coping with challenges and stressors. As a therapist, my goal is to empower my clients to make positive changes in their lives while also helping them discover what they want their lives to look like.

No one is perfect or even close to it. As a therapist that is informed by the humanistic approach, I work to provide my clients with the supportive and non-judgmental environment to freely express themselves and achieve a sense of authenticity while also modeling that in my own “self-of-the-therapist.” It can be incredibly impactful to have someone there when things get rough and who can appreciate that our mistakes do not preclude us from living the type of life we wish to achieve.

With that in mind, I remain open to approaches my clients may be most receptive to as it pertains to their therapeutic goals. Some clients enter knowing what kind of therapy modality has helped in the past, while others have an idea of what they hope to get from our sessions together. Some folks respond well to simply gaining insight on their family history and their own pattern of behaviors, enough to see the changes they wanted. Others appreciate having the space, time, and compassionate ear that will listen to them and give them the grace to truly be heard. Whatever the journey, I aim to help my clients process those intermittent challenges and emotions while keeping us on track towards their intended mental health destination.

Struggling with the decision to book a therapy appointment?I invite you to remember that seeking help, or even considering seeking some form of help is a sign of strength. Therapy can be a transformative experience that can help you understand and work through your challenges and improve your mental health. It can also be difficult, triggering, bring about emotions that we are apt to ignore, or challenge us in ways we may frequently try to avoid. So it is natural to feel apprehensive, especially if it is your first time seeking counseling. If you're not sure if therapy is right for you, you can always reach out to a therapist for a brief consultation to discuss your options, so you do not have to feel like you are “roped in” to a tough and uncertain commitment. Finding a good fit in therapist is an important step in starting your mental health journey.

CFR therapists are accepting new patients. Ready to book an appointment with a psychiatrist or therapist? Questions about session costs?Daniel Martinez is a Philadelphia and Blue Bell, PA, therapist accepting new patients. Click here to book an appointment.

You may reach Daniel at dmartinez@councilforrelationships.org or 215-770-2334 ext 4336.

See our Therapist & Psychologist Directory to find a different CFR therapist or psychiatrist near you.

https://councilforrelationships.org/philadelphia-psychiatrist-accepting-new-patients-dr-michael-antzis/

https://councilforrelationships.org/what-is-consultation-liaison-psychiatry/

View Details

It devastates us to learn of the killing of Tyre Nichols, a Black man who lost his life at the hands of police officers earlier this month in Memphis, Tennessee. Council for Relationships again grieves the senseless loss of a Black man at the hands of law enforcement and stands with communities across the nation echoing the message: enough is enough. These atrocities against Black Americans must end.

As an organization providing counseling and psychiatry in the Greater Philadelphia region for over 90 years, we provide support to community members affected by racial trauma and have clinicians who specialize in therapy for those who have experienced racial trauma. To request an appointment, visit councilforrelationships.org/therapy-psychiatry or call 215-382-6680. For immediate guidance about processing this atrocity, we recommend this video developed by the American Psychological Association.

Council for Relationships stands against racism and injustice in our community, the nation, and the world. We believe that every person is vital and uniquely contributes to the constellation of relationships that form a flourishing community. We are committed to continuing our personal and organizational work on racial equity and justice to be a part of creating a world of equity and belonging.

View Details

Commemorating Holocaust Memorial DayJanuary 27, 2023, is International Holocaust Memorial Day, commemorating the 78th anniversary of the liberation of the Auschwitz-Birkenau concentration camp in Poland. The Auschwitz-Birkenau concentration camp is a stark symbol of a 14-year campaign by the Nazis and their collaborators to murder all the Jews in Europe. The day also commemorates those killed in more recent genocides such as in Cambodia, Rwanda, Bosnia, and Darfur.

Ordinary people, extraordinary evilThe theme for this year’s International Holocaust Remembrance Day is “ordinary people.” The genocide that was instigated by the Nazis was fueled by ordinary people. These people turned a blind eye to what they saw happening around them. They also turned a blind eye to what they were asked to do by the leaders of their countries.

The people who were the victims of the Nazi genocide were also ordinary people, persecuted only because they were members of a particular group, (e.g. Roma, Tutsi, Jews). “Ordinary people” were involved in the Holocaust as victims, bystanders, rescuers, and persecutors as they were in subsequent genocides against Cambodians, Rwandans, Bosnians, Darfur, Uyghurs, and others.

The Holocaust Memorial Day Trust, the charity that promotes and supports Holocaust Memorial Day, who designated the 2023 theme as “ordinary people” hopes that this theme will help us to consider how ordinary people can “perhaps play a bigger part than we might imagine in challenging prejudice today."

Council for Relationships’ Transcending Trauma Project (TTP) has researched the factors and influences on prejudice. TTP findings might suggest ways to challenge prejudice. Since 1993, TTP has conducted in-depth interviews of intergenerational survivor families focusing on their belief systems, deepest feelings, faith experiences, and values.

Antisemitism is on the riseAs noted on a November 30, 2022, podcast on NPR, 2021, the latest year that data was analyzed, was the highest year on record for documented reports of harassment, vandalism, and violence directed against Jews, according to the Anti-Defamation League (ADL). These record-breaking numbers are also part of a period of 5-6 years of unprecedented and consistent increases in the 30-plus years of the ADL surveys. These incidents have ranged from mass shootings in synagogues to vandalizing Jewish schools and community centers, attacking Jews on public streets, and extremist public statements such as “death con to Jews.”

Why is this a troubling situation as it applies only to about 2.4% of the US population? Experts refer to antisemitism as “the canary in the coal mine.” In the same NPR podcast, NPR reporter, Lisa Hagen reported that,

"If any minority group is being blamed for some real or perceived harm, those narratives usually find ways to also attack Jews based on centuries-old myths. Sometimes, someone can be upset about Black people demonstrating about racism. You can blame a pandemic on anyone who looks Asian. Or if you're angry about the visibility of transgender people and queer culture, it's a pretty short leap to conspiracy thinking."

Emily Snider, antisemitism specialist at ADL added,

"Jews are centered in a lot of conspiracy theories, especially around economy or power or greed which serve as core antisemitic tropes. When we start to see unrest, we tend to see anti-Semitic incidents climb…the more commonplace antisemitism becomes, the more fertile the ground gets across the country for all kinds of hate, along with the potential for real violence."

Coping with extreme traumaTTP has conducted 307 in-depth life histories with 98 Holocaust survivors and their children and grandchildren to better understand coping and adaptation after extreme trauma. The project contains 1,200 hours of in-depth life history interviews which have been preserved as digital archived files. They form the Phil Wachs and Juliet Spitzer Archive of the Transcending Trauma Project housed at the U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum and Yad Vashem.

In the TTP research, when asked the question, “Does the Holocaust affect your political views?” a surprising number of survivors clearly stated that they do not harbor any hatred toward the national groups that perpetrated crimes against them and their families.

Irrespective of their experiences during the Holocaust, about one third of the survivors in the sample were able to separate out their emotional responses toward the perpetrators of the specific crimes against them from their views of all Germans, Poles, or other groups that collaborated with the German Nazi government. On the other hand, about the same number of survivors expressed hatred toward their perpetrators and the entire national or ethnic groups that participated in the destruction of their families and their lives.

Threatening or unthreatening world for children of Holocaust survivors?What specifically were the relevant TTP findings? Prewar stories revealed the importance of family-of-origin relationships in the formation of political beliefs of tolerance and intolerance. TPP research revealed that unlike tolerant survivors, survivors who were intolerant perceived the world to be a threatening place, which they verbalized by stating that they expected another Holocaust to happen. These intolerant survivors, who had troubled relationships with their family-of-origin caregivers, expressed intolerance toward the perpetrators of the crimes against them and towards all groups, other than Jews.

Conversely, TTP research found that individuals who experienced secure attachments, defined as an attachment where a child feels comforted and protected by the presence of their caregiver in their family of origin, usually found themselves in satisfying and committed adult relationships . These relationships allowed them to view potentially negative events in a less-threatening way. Thus, the attachment relationship which is positive and supportive between the child and their primary caregivers creates for the child a worldview that governs their interactions with others who hold different beliefs, values, and worldviews.

Protection from threats to worldviewsPeople who have experienced positive relationships with their primary caregivers are more secure and have higher self-esteem. These feelings partly protect them against threats to their worldview and feelings of vulnerability. Positive feelings of self-worth create individuals who have developed effective ways of controlling their emotions and develop positive models of themselves and others. As a result, people who have experienced positive relationships with their parents or caregivers tend to be more open and less defensive around people who are different in values, lifestyles, ethnic, national and racial identities. Conversely, the intolerant survivors who have experienced less-secure or negative relationships with their primary caregivers more strongly defend their worldview against any threats, and are less tolerant of others who differ from them.

The data showed that intolerant survivors’ interviews contained fewer stories of positive healthy relationships than the interviews of tolerant survivors. In the intolerant survivor group the number of the negative narratives about family relationships equaled the number of the positive narratives. The overall number of narratives, positive or negative, was low. It is as if the survivors in the intolerant group did not have many positive stories to share, so they were less inclined to share any stories, negative or positive.

Forming secure ties between parents and their childrenQuite a different picture came from analyzing the interviews in the tolerant survivor group. In their narratives, stories of positive family relationships were numerous, and the narratives concerning negative relationships were much fewer. The stories revealed that tolerant survivors formed secure ties to their caregivers, which were reflected in their relationships not only with family members but also toward others. The empathy, validation, and expressions of positive emotions that these survivors received, especially from their parents, gave them the capacity to have greater empathy for others. One manifestation of this empathy was the development of an attitude of tolerance for others outside their own group.

These findings suggest ways to challenge prejudice. In the mental health field, working with clients to improve the quality of relationships between parents and their children are key areas of focus for therapists. Making the child’s world more secure, developing in the child positive self-esteem, and encouraging the acceptance of people who are different from them will hopefully lead to adults who are tolerant towards others who hold different beliefs, who look different, and who practice different lifestyles. In the areas of both adult and child education, a focus on fostering acceptance towards those who are different and thus ameliorating fears towards them, has additional possibilities.

Our charge this Holocaust Memorial DayWhether the solutions come from TTP research or from another arena, our charge, as we observe the International Holocaust Memorial Day, remembering the hatred and bigotry that manifested itself in places like the Auschwitz death camps, is to work towards decreasing prejudice and bigotry. We must promote the growth of tolerance for and by the “ordinary people” of the world towards all groups of people.

Learn more about CFR's Transcending Trauma Project.

Nancy Isserman, MSW, PhD, is Director of Operation Home and Healing, and the Co-Director of the Transcending Trauma Project. She is also co-author of Transcending Trauma: Survival, Resilience and Clinical Implications in Survivor Families.

You may reach Dr. Isserman at nisserman@councilforrelationships.org or 215-395-3140 ext. 3133.

See our Therapist & Psychiatrist Directory to find a CFR therapist or psychiatrist near you.

For more information and tips on mental health management in 2023, check out the following CFR articles.

https://councilforrelationships.org/holocaust-memorial-day/

https://councilforrelationships.org/holocaust-remembrance-day/

https://councilforrelationships.org/holocaust-rememberance-day-2020/

Transcending Trauma (Psychosocial Stress Series)

View Details

It doesn't have to be New Year, Same You.When it comes to resolutions, we tend to think about physical health; the exterior and external world reign (like quitting smoking, losing weight, getting in shape, or saving more money). While these are all really great goals, we need to start making mental health resolutions to aid our emotional wellness 365 days a year. Read on for 5 mental health management tips to take to heart in 2023.

Many people feel motivated and ready to change as soon as the ball drops on January 1st and then things gradually fizzle out by the end of Black History Month. As a Licensed Psychotherapist, my invitation is that all of us use this same, if not greater, momentum to think about taking care of our mental health.

Mental health is total health, and emotional wellness is a worthwhile goal to concentrate on every day because it impacts every dimension of our lives. Mental health impacts: emotional, occupational, environmental, financial, intellectual, social, and spiritual dimensions of our lives. Our brains are like muscles. If the brain isn’t functioning at max capacity, the rest of us is not going to work that well either. I often lovingly joke with my patients and say, “Patient, know thyself and be real with thyself!” So managing your mental health is imperative to total health in 2023.

Here are 5 tips to help you mind your mental health and manage this year’s goals and aspirations through and through.

Our first mental health management tip is to acknowledge your feelingsIf you find yourself feeling sad, anxious or down, reach out to your trusted loved ones and friends for support. It’s okay to pause, take a step back, cry, and whatever you do, don’t pressure yourself into pretending to be happy all the time. Let this be the year to let go of any toxic positivity and instead, bear witness to the wide array of emotions. Emotions are neither good nor bad, they just are. Oftentimes our feelings are trying to get our attention for a reason.

Learning to say "No" is critical for managing your mental health in 2023This one can be said louder for the people in the back! When we say “yes” instead of saying “no” it leaves us feeling overwhelmed and resentful. You can’t be everything to everybody. Giving into things or being agreeable 100% of the time does a tremendous disservice and can lead to compassion fatigue and burnout. This is definitely not the best way to manage your mental health this year. Your presence is a present. Choose wisely as to who has access to your time and energy.

Manage your mental health expectationsThere is power in managing your mental health expectations and being real with ourselves in terms of how much we can handle this new year. Remember that perfectionism does not exist. In 2023, it is okay to let “good enough be good enough.” When setting your mental health resolutions, remember that less is more. Every mental health management goal we take on needs to be specific, realistic, and measurable, and then take baby steps to implement change.

It's okay to take a breakPlease don’t forget about your own needs. Relaxation is key! Take naps if you have to, go for a walk, unplug from social media, and when necessary, look for ways to alleviate physical tension and emotional stress.

Is your goal even relevant to you?Ask yourself if the goal you are setting for yourself is truly something you feel internally motivated to do. Is this something you want to accomplish for the betterment and enrichment of your world, or something that you saw on social media? Pausing and revisiting your “why” can be a gamechanger.

Lastly, remember that lasting change requires focus, commitment, accountability, and a great deal of time. Leave room for error and setbacks, get back on the saddle and recommit, recommit, recommit.

I also encourage you to build in one small act of kindness toward yourself each day. One mantra or loving gesture will have your cup of self-compassion overflowing by next December. Adhering to these suggestions can make working toward any goal more enjoyable.

Chimère G. Holmes, MA, MSEd, LPC, is a CFR Staff Therapist and is accepting new patients. If you are looking for mental health management help, click here to book an appointment.

You may reach Chimère at cholmes@councilforrelationships.org or 215-315-7551 ext. 7064.

See our Therapist & Psychiatrist Directory to find a different CFR therapist or psychiatrist near you.

For more information and tips on mental health management in 2023, check out the following CFR articles.

https://councilforrelationships.org/2023-new-years-resolutions/

https://councilforrelationships.org/kinder-new-years-resolution/

https://councilforrelationships.org/resolutions-for-kids/

View Details

The winter season is upon us. Frigid temperatures, fewer hours of daylight, and viral illnesses can all contribute to increased isolation, and for many, increased stress and seasonal depression or Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). Here are 5 tips to beat the winter blues in 2023.

Connect with friends and familyOver the last couple of years, many individuals have found themselves increasingly separated from others, as pandemic-related shutdowns and social distancing measures have led some to slowly adopt a more isolated way of living. Cold winter temperatures, which sometimes deter individuals from leaving their homes, further exacerbate this problem. Humans are social beings. Consistent isolation can lead to feelings of depression. To help alleviate the winter blues brought on by social isolation, make a point of connecting with friends and family. Try attending social events or simply making a phone call to someone you haven’t talked to in a while.
Get some exercise so that you have the energy to battle the winter sadsIt may not be the ideal outdoors weather for most of us, but getting outside and moving around can help with the winter blues. Staying active and getting exercise is beneficial for not only one’s physical health but also one’s mental health. If some of this exercise can be done outside during daylight hours, that’s even better, as natural sunlight exposure can help to lift your mood during the winter months.
Maintain adequate sleepGetting sufficient sleep is a critical component of wellness and to beating seasonal depression. To help ensure that you get a proper night’s rest, try to maintain a consistent sleep schedule throughout the week. I also recommend trying to limit screen time in the hours before bed. At night, try to find a bedtime routine that works for you, and then stick with it. Importantly, sleep in a dark and quiet room.
Plan something fun to overcome seasonal depressionIn the middle of winter, the days can sometimes seem to almost blend into one another. To keep things interesting, make a habit of planning at least one fun activity each day, whether that’s watching your favorite show, reading a good book, listening to some music, or eating at your favorite restaurant. The winter months can also be a great time to plan a vacation (or even a staycation) to help keep things fresh and exciting, not to mention
Talk to your doctor about your winter bluesSome individuals may experience recurrent depressive symptoms in the fall or winter months that tend to resolve in the spring and summer, as some forms of depression follow a seasonal pattern. Fortunately, there are a number of treatments available for this, including psychotherapy, medication-based treatment, and/or light therapy. If you are concerned about your symptoms, talk to your doctor about whether one of these treatments might be appropriate for you.

For more information and tips on beating the winter blues, check out the following CFR articles.Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): How to Keep the Winter Blues Away

Getting Through January: Self-Care Apps to Help You Feel Happier in the Winter Months

Dr. Antzis is a Philadelphia psychiatrist accepting new patients. If you are looking for tips to beat the winter blues or need help with your seasonal depression, click here to book an appointment.

You may reach Dr. Antzis at mantzis@councilforrelationships.org or 215-382-6680 ext. 7047.

See our Therapist & Psychiatrist Directory to find a different CFR therapist or psychiatrist near you.

View Details

Finding a Philadelphia psychiatrist accepting new patients can be difficult. CFR is proud to welcome staff psychiatrist, Dr. Michael Antzis, to our organization. Dr. Antzis sees patients virtually and at CFR's Center City Philadelphia office. He is currently accepting new patients.

Continue reading to learn more about Dr. Antzis, his therapeutic approaches, goals, and training.

[caption id="attachment_72022" align="alignleft" width="249"] Dr. Michael Antzis[/caption]

Dr. Antzis's journey to becoming a psychiatristI completed both medical school and residency training in psychiatry at Thomas Jefferson University. As a general adult psychiatrist, I am trained to use therapy and/or medication to treat a wide variety of psychiatric concerns, although I have a particular interest in mood disorders, anxiety disorders, and ADHD. I have experience working with adults all across the age spectrum, from college-aged to the geriatric population.

CFR's strong reputation for providing quality therapy and psychiatric services is why I chose to join the organization. I feel fortunate to have the opportunity to work alongside such talented and caring colleagues.

I’ve always been passionate about humor, and, more recently, the intersection between humor and mental health. I’ve found that humor can be a powerful coping mechanism, and can help to put things into perspective.

What a new psychiatry patient can expect during your first session with Dr. AntzisIn my first session, I start by asking open-ended questions that encourage my patients to reflect on their experiences, and talk freely about them. This gives my patients a chance to fully explore everything on their mind, and it gives me the opportunity to appreciate the full scope of my patients’ concerns. From there, I collaborate with patients to identify their goals of treatment, and then we begin our therapeutic work together.

Goals for new patientsOne of the main goals of therapy is to help my patients achieve progress in those specific areas they’ve identified as being more difficult or troublesome. For me, another goal of therapy is to create a comfortable space that enables my patients to be their most authentic, genuine selves during sessions.

In my therapy work, I help patients build insight into behaviors or thought patterns which may have been useful in the past, but which are currently no longer helpful. Specifically, I help patients to be more mindful of, and to more critically appraise, their thoughts. I have found that building such an awareness is often one of the first steps towards producing meaningful change. I also use medications, when indicated, to treat psychiatric conditions that cannot be fully addressed with therapy alone.

Struggling with the decision to book an appointment?The process of making a decision to start therapy is not an easy one, since meaningful engagement in therapy requires time, commitment, and openness. This being said, therapy can absolutely transform an individual’s life for the better. For many individuals who find themselves struggling to cope with the stresses of life, the initial unfamiliarity with therapy is well worth the many benefits that therapy can provide.

Ready to book an appointment with a CFR psychiatrist or therapist? Questions about session costs?Dr. Antzis is a Philadelphia psychiatrist accepting new patients. Click here to book an appointment.

You may reach Dr. Antzis at mantzis@councilforrelationships.org or 215-382-6680 ext. 7047.

See our Therapist & Psychologist Directory to find a different CFR therapist or psychiatrist near you.

View Details

It's time to start making your 2023 New Year's resolutions. CFR Staff Therapist Marrisa Kos, MSW, RN, shares her thoughts on the following topics:

How to think about New Year's resolutions
How to make and keep your resolutions
Ideas for 2023 New Year's resolutions
What to do when you're struggling with your resolutions.

Thinking about New Year's resolutionsMany people have high aspirations for new resolutions and goals at the start of a new year. The clean slate that a new year offers may seem like the perfect time to reset and get to work on our plans for growth and change. This is especially true after the stress of the holidays.

If you are anything like me, you probably take this opportunity to start the new year with goals to stop doing something you view as having a negative impact on your life. Or maybe you start doing something to promote wellness. Unfortunately, I usually fail at these initiatives when only implementing behavioral change and neglecting to take a deeper look, with compassion, at what might be underneath those parts of me that I would like to change.

My intention is not to give tips or tricks on accomplishing your 2023 New Year's resolutions, but rather to encourage you to consider going a bit deeper this year when working on your goals.

How to make (and keep) New Year's resolutionsAll of us have habits or behaviors that we view as undesirable and would like to change. However, making any meaningful change may be more challenging if we don’t understand the unrecognized role that these habits or behaviors have taken on in our lives to protect or soothe us.

The Internal Family Systems model (IFS) developed by Richard Schwartz, PhD, provides a helpful way of understanding our internal world, and how our habits, thoughts, and behaviors may have developed and are maintained to protect us.

In this model, our internal system is believed to be made up of an inherently good core self and many different parts of us that are interacting to help us navigate our personal experiences and the world around us. Each of our parts have evolved through our unique life experiences. Sometimes these parts evolved after suffering emotional pain or distress that our mind would like us to avoid feeling again in the future. Our parts remember how those experiences felt and will step in whenever needed to prevent that kind of discomfort again, sometimes making us behave in ways that don’t feel in line with our true selves or goals.

IFS is often used as a treatment approach in therapy with the support of a trained clinician to understand and heal deep emotional burdens. However, a general perspective of parts and self can also be helpful for each of us in our daily lives and internal dialogues.

New Year's resolution ideasThe following are a few examples of small changes which would serve as great 2023 New Year's resolutions:

Improving your nutrition
Increasing your physical activity
Developing a mindfulness routine
Spend less time on your devices
Decrease the use of substances

Accomplishing your 2023 New Year's resolutionsWhen we view these goals from a parts perspective, we can take a more compassionate look at what part of us may be activated in each scenario that is well-intentioned to keep us from feeling discomfort but may also be keeping us stuck in the same patterns.

Maybe a part has learned that food or a substance can soothe or distract from emotional pain.
Maybe a part of us feels resistant to engaging in a healthy activity because it has concerns about not being good enough at it or that it will use up our valuable time or energy.
Maybe a part of us feels at a safe distance from the demands of everyday life when disconnecting from the world around us for a brief time while scrolling through social media.

Whatever the reasons for engaging in these behaviors, our parts know them, and they are working hard to do their job by protecting us in the ways they know how.

What to do if you're struggling with your resolutionsAs this new year begins, I encourage you to explore the roles of what may seem like negative parts of you with compassion and curiosity. Might these parts be shielding you from discomfort in some way? Might they have really good intentions of protection or soothing for you?

When you notice the urge to give up on a resolution or goal in the coming year, see if you can get to know and understand that part of you a little better. You may learn that there is more to it than you originally thought, and this deeper understanding and acknowledgment may allow you to move in a new direction of growth and healing.

Marissa Kos, MSW, RN, is a Staff Therapist in our Philadelphia - Center City office, Philadelphia - University City office, Bryn Mawr and Wynnewood, PA offices, and also provides online therapy. To set up an appointment, you can reach her at mkos@councilforrelationships.org or 215-770-2448 ext 4202.

View Details

Have you been wondering, "are there therapists near me"? This month's featured CFR therapist is Marissa Kos, MSW, RN. Marissa provides therapy at CFR's Philadelphia's Center City and University City offices, Bryn Mawr and Wynnewood, PA, offices, and also provides online therapy.

Continue reading to learn more about Marissa, her therapeutic approaches, goals, and contact information.

[caption id="attachment_71729" align="alignleft" width="260"] Marissa Kos, MSW, RN[/caption]

Therapy GoalsThe goals of therapy are unique to each person. My work is to support my clients in building an understanding of their experiences so that they can move in a direction of growth toward whatever goals they may have. In general, I notice that clients often seek therapy because some part or parts of their lives are causing them distress, which informs the goals of treatment. It is through the process of therapy that we can figure out together what current and historical factors may be contributing to that distress, what is helping or hindering, and what the client may need to feel a sense of relief or to grow.

Sessions ApproachWith many clients, I find it helpful to provide a perspective of parts and self in our work together. This is a great tool for gaining a better understanding of ourselves through our experiences, thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. When using this perspective with clients, we work together to understand more about what parts may have evolved throughout their lives that are now showing up in certain situations to protect them from familiar pain or disappointment. Although these parts of us have good intentions for our safety, sometimes they keep us stuck in distressing patterns. Providing this perspective in session often helps the client to notice more about their parts and self in their daily lives. After we can understand, acknowledge, and validate the roles of different parts of us, they can sometimes relax in those roles, creating an opening for healing and growth.

My BackgroundMy background is in healthcare. I have been working as a nurse in a hospital setting for almost fifteen years. Through my work as a nurse, I have learned so much about both joy and suffering. I have had the privilege of being with others through some of the most impactful moments in their lives. Several years ago, I decided that I wanted to expand upon my role of supporting others to include more of the emotional aspect as well, which led me to pursue a graduate degree in social work. During my time in graduate school, I gained experience in outpatient therapy here at CFR as an extern. I felt a great deal of support and passion for this work within the organization, and I think that both of those things have a positive impact on the clinicians and on the clients to whom we provide services.

Struggling with the decision to start therapy? How do you know what kind of therapist to see?The process of beginning therapy can be uncomfortable and uncertain, but it may also be positively life-changing. If the discomfort of what is causing you distress in your life is becoming greater than the fear of uncertainty in beginning therapy, you will know you are ready to begin. Trust your instincts when beginning with a new therapist and when evaluating whether or not the fit is right. You know yourself best, and you will know you have found a good fit when you have a sense that it is safe to explore the difficult thoughts and emotions in your work together.

Ready to book an appointment with a CFR therapist? Questions about therapy session costs?To set-up an appointment, you can reach her at mkos@councilforrelationships.org or 215-382-6680 ext. 4202.

See our Therapist & Psychologist Directory to find a different CFR therapist near you.

View Details

For some of us, including me, the phrase “going home for the holidays” invites anxiety, dread, and avoidance. Every year I struggle to decide what to do for Thanksgiving, which is a “holiday” that has a lot of difficult subjects wrapped up in it. This is especially true for many queer and trans people, Indigenous Americans, and sometimes other BIPOC people. For those mentioned and for anyone with a critical awareness of oppression, it is a reminder of the active legacy of colonialism and Indigenous genocide. A Change.org petition suggests we change the name Thanksgiving to Indigenous People’s Remembrance Day. As many queer people do, I’ve created my own chosen family and community with whom I often spend holidays. However, in my household of chosen family members, not everyone wants to replace Thanksgiving–some prefer not to recognize it at all. In 2020 I lost a family member the day before Thanksgiving so some form of recognition of the day feels important to me because it is so closely connected to the loss of my family member.

In my healing journey, I’ve focused on transforming elements that were once traumatic into ones that are beneficial and joyful. Another reason I continue to seek meaningful experiences on Thanksgiving is that it was often a moment of profound disconnection. For me, the essence of the holiday of “Thanksgiving” is connecting with those we love and going home. Some of us have no place to “go home to” at all, or if we do, it does not feel like a place of belonging. The meaning of home and family often gets reimagined creatively within the LGBTQ+ community. My definition of family is the people who I’m close to who take care of me and who I take care of in a sustained way. Home is where people see me for who I am and can appreciate, recognize, and be mutually accountable for feelings and needs.

As a therapist, I’ve noticed that most people have some form of anxiety around holidays, and many do not feel at ease around their biological families. We are taught we are supposed to want to be with bio family at these times of heightened cultural meaning. Even folks who have close connections with primarily loving family members experience the stress of imperfect relationships. If you are experiencing loneliness, disconnection, alienation, or sadness around the holidays, please know you are not alone in having those feelings. Sharing these feelings with your therapist may be helpful. If you don’t have an individual therapist, now may be a good time to reach out for additional support. With Channuka, Kwanzaa, Christmas, and New Years on the horizon, it’s a good time to take stock of what support systems and networks you have in place. If you aren’t sure how to start building a support network, that is a great topic to speak to your therapist about as well.

Most clients I work with struggle with shame, lack a sense of belonging and have feelings of unworthiness that are often tied to early life experiences. They frequently have extremely loud inner critics, self-doubt and don’t feel deserving of care. Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a completely non-pathologizing modality that can help people understand and resolve inner conflicts. I use IFS to help my clients build new relationships with unwanted parts of themselves. With support, they can unburden the extreme feelings which often arise from emotional or physical neglect or abuse in their families of origin. It is also a powerful way of relieving the suffering tied to past events and can be a good alternative or adjunct to Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR).

If you are feeling alone, unstable, or in need of additional support this holiday season, please do not hesitate to reach out to those around you or professionals if needed.

Jenny Sandler, LCSW, is a Staff Therapist in our University City office and also provides online therapy. To set-up an appointment, you can reach them at jsandler@councilforrelationships.org or 215-382-6680 ext. 7048.

View Details

Every month, Council for Relationships features one of our staff therapists. This month’s Featured Therapist is Jenny Sandler, LCSW. Learn more about them in the below interview!

What makes you unique as a therapist and as a person? Feel free to share hobbies and interests a client may find relatable.

I enjoy singing, and outside my work as a therapist, I lead song circles and healing singing rituals. I will occasionally teach a song to a client when it feels like it would be a beneficial experience. Group singing is a way of co-regulating our nervous systems, so both the lyrics and the process of singing can be restorative. I have been singing in groups since Kindergarten, and I especially love helping people de-program from believing that they can’t sing or have a “bad” voice.

What do you consider to be the goal of therapy? How do you help your clients achieve their goals?

I believe the goal of therapy is healing, transformation, and growth. I also understand that sometimes people need stabilization and capacity building before moving into deeper layers of work. I’m not a passive participant in the therapy process - I actively guide and direct the session toward the goals we’ve collaboratively identified. I primarily use Internal Family Systems (a form of “parts” work) and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EDMR) to help clients heal from feelings and events that are “stuck” in their system. I’m extremely warm, supportive, and gentle. I feel honored when clients allow me to see their most vulnerable and hurt points and let me guide them through the healing process.

Describe the type of client and issues with which you work best.

I especially enjoy working with clients who struggle with anxiety - from mild to severe. I suffered from anxiety for approximately ten years until I discovered Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, and now as a practitioner, I feel confident in helping others significantly reduce anxiety. I also enjoy working with clients who may have experienced emotional neglect, abuse, or other difficulties in their early relationships. I typically thrive when clients come with a lot to work with!

What is your background?

I began my career in counseling at age 17 at Planned Parenthood and worked in women's health/reproductive/sexual health counseling for 12 years before transitioning into psychotherapeutic counseling. I was a Gender and Women's Studies major in undergrad, which enables me to pull from many schools of thought aside from traditional psychology. In my sessions, I often reference a wide range of theories, from feminist and queer studies to black studies, sociology, and history. I don’t shy away from addressing the political sphere in session when my clients bring it into the room.

View Details

Many often do not think about it, but our mood and life experiences play an essential role in our health. Our mood and life stressors can negatively impact our health outcomes and experiences. For example, women who undergo various forms of stress often experience different health conditions such as cancer, heart disease, reproductive illness, and many more.

Any illness can be alienating, stressful, and anxiety-producing for the individual. Women often experience a roller-coaster of mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual effects of receiving a diagnosis. They try to make sense of it all while continuing their day-to-day responsibilities of work and family, amongst other things.

People try to understand their health conditions by examining how it impacts their identity, self-esteem, relationships, and existential understanding of life. Acute and chronic illnesses can disrupt everyday life routines, forcing individuals to develop new patterns to accommodate the condition into their lives. This adjustment can cause them to experience a strain in their lives, making them more susceptible to anxiety, worry, depression, stress, fatigue, uncertainty, and experience a lack of pleasure or motivation. The emotional impact of being diagnosed and undergoing treatment can often cause individuals to feel helpless and develop poor boundaries, whether they are the caretakers of a sick loved one or the individual experiencing the illness.

Becoming sick is a part of life's journey. While some claim excellent health, every person has been ill at least once in their lifetime. Every illness disrupts our lives, whether chronic or acute. Receiving a medical prognosis and diagnosis impacts one's perspective of themselves and how one makes new meaning in life.

In honor of National Breast Cancer Awareness month, I propose a tool for the women who are the patients, caregivers, and loved ones of those whose lives were disrupted by chronic illness. I suggest creating a space to help them reclaim parts of their lives by learning self-compassion and self-care through mindfulness.

Mindfulness is the state in which one develops increased awareness of one's physical, mental, and emotional condition in the present moment without becoming judgmental. By practicing mindfulness, the individual learns to be present with themselves and to associate emotional experiences with bodily sensations, cognitions/ thoughts, and feelings. Mindfulness enables individuals to control their thoughts rather than be controlled by them. Mindfulness provides us with the comfort we need in tumultuous moments of our lives. Daily mindfulness practices strengthen and alter the parts of our brain associated with controlling emotions and stress responses. Mindfulness teaches us how to maintain a sense of control by relieving stress. The more mindful we are, the fewer stress hormones are released due to increased relaxation.

Practicing mindfulness can be done within and outside of a clinical setting. You can include mindfulness in daily activities and hobbies such as mindfulness meditation, yoga, walking, listening to music, breathwork breathing exercises, guided imagery, body scans, sitting meditations, journaling, artistic activities, and affirmations. Mindfulness is about intentionality and bringing a focus to the here and now. You can practice mindfulness in daily tasks by setting bedtime and morning routines, putting your phone away while eating, listening to music, and creating time for spirituality.

Lastly, practicing mindfulness can help cultivate a stress-free day away from watching television or aimlessly scrolling through Tik Tok videos and Instagram reels. Instead, we replace these activities with reading the book you bought from amazon last year, attempting to complete that DIY project you saved on Pinterest last month, or simply choosing to do absolutely nothing.

Here is a tool to practice developing mindfulness in your own lives during downtime, in the morning, evening, or during breaks; ask yourself questions like:

How do I feel?
How does my body feel?
What are my bodily sensations communicating to me?
What do I need at this moment to be okay?

Stress is a negative catalyst for physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Mindfulness is intentionally living in the moment by teaching ourselves how to create intentional habits that will mature self-compassion, gratitude, and appreciation. It teaches us to trust the process in our journeys and how to extend empathy to ourselves while coping with illness.

Daniella Bonhomme, MFT, is a Staff Therapist in our University City and Center City offices and also provides online therapy. She is also the Community Partnerships Initiative (CPI) Project H.O.M.E. Onsite Therapist. To set-up an appointment, you can reach her at dbonhomme@councilforrelationships.org or 215-382-6680 ext. 4337

View Details

Every month, Council for Relationships features one of our staff therapists. This month’s Featured Therapist is Daniella Bonhomme, MFT. Learn more about her in the below interview!

What makes you unique as a therapist and as a person? Feel free to share hobbies and interests a client may find relatable.

I come from a big family and am the “baby” of the family, which has been a huge part of my identity and development. Coming from a large family, I’ve learned to balance multiple personalities in a room. I’ve learned to cultivate relationships with each of my siblings, unique to their own perspective personalities. This ability also translates to how others often experience me as easy to talk to. As a therapist, I can utilize the same attention to care and detail in the therapeutic setting by incorporating aspects of my client’s interests and hobbies into the therapeutic space.

What do you consider to be the goal of therapy? How do you help your clients achieve their goals?

I think the goal of therapy is to help clients feel confident in themselves and their self-development. Clients come to therapy with issues they’ve been dealing with for a long time. It can often feel hopeless and frustrating to be in cycles of distress. Whether it’s a couple, an individual, or a family, helping each person at the end of therapy, I seek for my clients to feel that they have some control over their emotions and situations. I like to help them feel confident in their ability to handle any situation outside of therapy.

I help clients achieve this goal by using their interests and hobbies to make therapy and the process of change relatable. I also check in with my clients on their treatment experience and their view on their progress toward their goals. I co-create the therapeutic space and treatment with the client to give them a voice and allow them to lead therapy in a meaningful way. I offer support, encouragement, and warm accountability in their healing journey.

Describe the type of client and issues with which you work best.

I enjoy working with individuals, families, and couples. In part of my work, I work best with issues related to grief & loss, life transitions (i.e., divorce, job transitions, moves, etc.), depression, self-discovery, and anger management. I enjoy working with children and helping them learn to identify, regulate, and communicate their emotions while supporting parents in strengthening their relationships with their children. With couples, I work best with situations related to rebuilding intimacy and connection and enhancing communication.

How would your clients describe you? Feel free to share issues and aspects of therapy where you excel in helping your clients.

Clients often describe me as an active listener, funny, warm, empathetic, encouraging, and honest. In therapy, I enjoy leaning into clients’ experiences by being curious about their emotions. I also enjoy gently challenging clients’ thoughts, experiences, and perceptions to help them identify their own patterns, encourage self-development, and assist them with becoming confident in their ability to change.

I often lean on helping clients understand how their attachment styles influence how they experience themselves and others in everyday life. I challenge ambivalence and feelings of stagnancy by identifying the parts of themselves, their experiences, and the narratives that reinforce these patterns.

Describe a specific tool or exercise that you share with your clients.

A tool that I will often recommend and share with clients is an activity called a truth letter. I provide it as a homework activity. In this activity, you write a letter to yourself, reflecting on a feeling or behavior of yours or another person, and you are honest with yourself about the core root of your feelings and experience. I enjoy using narrative prompts and journaling to encourage self-reflection and acknowledgment, which is used as a tool in the following session to co-create a plan for change.

What advice would you give someone who may be struggling with the decision to start therapy, but may not feel ready?

My advice to someone who may be struggling with the decision to start therapy but may not feel ready is that therapy is an investment in yourself and that you don’t have to settle with the first person you find. You can take your time to search for a therapist that you feel will be a good fit. It’s okay not to feel ready, but when you’re ready, remind yourself that this is something you are doing for you.

Describe a first session with you.

A typical first session with me will often feel like speaking with a distant friend. It will feel like a relaxed environment. I typically ask questions, there will be moments to laugh and moments of vulnerability. Clients often feel nervous and are worried about having an experience in therapy where the therapist will ask, “how does that make you feel?”. I try to alleviate that by letting clients know that this session will feel like a conversation and that they can let me know anything that they do not feel ready to speak about. I remind clients that it’ll feel like getting to know each other, as opposed to a one-sided conversation.

View Details

As a therapist who specializes in expressive arts, I often get confused looks. I know what art is, I know what expressive means, but expressive arts? What is that?

Expressive arts therapy (ExAT) is a multi-modal approach that integrates visual arts, writing, dance and movement, drama, music, and other creative outlets. It is not limited to one artistic discipline, and the primary means of expression may be visual, tactile, or auditory. Unlike art therapy, expressive arts therapy does not focus on the final product or interpreting the artwork. Instead, the emphasis is on the artistic process itself. This act of creating is used as a method for self-exploration and expression. No previous art experience is needed!

Expressive arts therapy is for everyone. Expressive arts therapists work with individuals and groups of all ages.

Incorporating expressive arts can help clients express themselves and connect with their body, feelings, emotions, and thoughts. ExAT can be used to provide support to those experiencing a wide range of issues and conditions, including family and relationship issues, anxiety, depression and other mental health conditions, social and emotional issues related to disability or cognitive loss, life transitions, and general health & wellness. Those who have experienced trauma may especially benefit from expressive arts therapy. ExAT offers an alternative to verbally communicating and processing traumatic events.

Unlike a top-down approach, which focuses on parts of the brain associated with thinking, speaking, and current emotional awareness, expressive arts therapy is considered a bottom-up approach that focuses on the parts of the brain responsible for reflexes, memories, and automatic survival responses (fight, flight, freeze, fawn). Bottom-up approaches take into great consideration that traumatic memories are often held in the implicit memory systems of our body. Implicit memories have a significant impact on us and can trigger or activate us subconsciously. Often, present intense reactions are formed from implicit memories from the past. We cannot think or talk our way out of trauma. Expressive arts therapy is rooted in the mind-body connection and offers opportunities to explore by engaging in play, gestures, sound, art-making, improvisation, and imagination.

I encourage you to try this quick activity called body scan with visual art.

Part 1: Lay down or find a comfortable seated position where you can sense your body and breathe. Notice those sensations or emotions that you like or are pleasant to you. Next, notice any sensations you dislike or find unpleasant. Often, we “judge” what is happening in our bodies, label things good or bad and then try to avoid sensations that we feel are bad or unpleasant. At the same time, we often become attached to sensations or emotions that we label as good or pleasing. Instead of judging a sensation as good or bad, try to replace judgment with curiosity, as best as you can, as you stay aware of your inbreath and outbreath. Cultivate the spirit of loving curiosity inside your body as much as possible. Spend at least five minutes sensing sensations and emotions in the body.

Part 2: Draw an outline of your body on a blank piece of paper. Then, color and/or write where in your body you felt particular sensations or emotions. Take as much time as you like with this visual art segment, and let your intuition guide you in terms of what colors, shapes, images, or words you add to the outline of your body.

While this two-part exercise can be done on your own, they can also be helpful to process it with a therapist. If you are interested in making an appointment with Bebe Martinez, you can reach her at 215-382-6680 ext. 7019 or bmartinez@councilforrelationships.org.

View Details

Every month, Council for Relationships features one of our staff therapists. This month’s Featured Therapist is Bebe Martinez, MA, MSW, LSW. Learn more about her in the below interview!

What is your background? Why did you choose CFR?

I have been employed within the social service field for 12 years and have worked in educational settings as a mental health coordinator, inpatient psychiatric hospitals as a counselor, and homes providing family-based therapy. Several years after obtaining a master’s in criminal justice and working with youth involved in the juvenile justice system, I decided to return to graduate school to study social work. I am presently a licensed social worker providing therapy to individuals, couples, and families.

There are a multitude of reasons why I chose CFR, including that the organization has been around since 1932 and has built an impressive reputation, the opportunity to work alongside expert clinicians, and options to engage in post graduate training programs as well as professional development workshops.

How would clients describe you?

I would describe myself as creative, compassionate, and curious – I think my clients would agree. I can connect with others and create a space where they feel respected and accepted.

Describe the type of client and issues with which you work best.

I specialize in working with clients who have experienced trauma and/or abuse, which has impacted their well-being, connection with others, and self. I also provide support to those who are experiencing depression, anxiety, life transitions, communication difficulties, and relationship issues. I utilize a holistic approach, integrating aspects of expressive arts therapy and mind/body therapeutic orientations to facilitate healing, growth, and acceptance. My hope is that all people can experience improved relationships with themselves and others.

What do you consider to be the goal of therapy? How do you help your clients achieve their goals?

Some of the goals of therapy include increased self-awareness, creating or strengthening existing boundaries, improving relationships with others and self, facilitating change, managing symptoms, addressing past events and current impact, etc. The goal of therapy varies depending on the client. I believe they are the experts of their own experiences and I seek to support them in forming their own narratives by holding an authentic and safe therapeutic space where they can explore, connect, and heal.

Bebe Martinez, MA, MSW, LSW* is a Staff Therapist at our Blue Bell and University City Offices; she currently sees clients via online therapy*. To set-up an appointment, you can reach her at* bmartinez@councilforrelationships.org or 215-382-6680 ext. 7019.***

View Details

As a therapist trained in family systems, I am always entangled in the relational world of the clients that I guide and support. My meditation on the word “relationship” has shifted my perspective on our ability to be inner healers through the ways we rely on socialization and our role in global sustainability. The following is an exploration of the relational landscapes that exist between everyone, everything, and everyplace.

Relationship to Self

The intrinsic relationship we maintain to ourselves is vital in predicting the healthiness of the relationships we enter in the world around us. Relationships existing within us include our self-concepts such as self-esteem, self-image, self-identities, and the various parts of ourselves. All these aspects of self help shape who we are, influence our behaviors, and make our decisions to act. The inner relationships of each person are just as dynamic as the outer relationships between partners and friends.

The internalized aspects of the individual often remain in the unconscious realm that is hidden away from most others. Therefore, it is essential for each one of us to put in the effort to explore our inner worlds so we can better understand our inevitable vulnerabilities and shortcomings. If we turn a blind eye to our shadows, then we are limiting our ability to engage wholeheartedly with all that we encounter in life.

Relationship to Others

The relationships we hold with those around us are at the forefront of our conscious awareness as we frequently encounter each other daily. We witness these “others” while in a household of relatives or roommates, waving to a neighbor, learning in a classroom, or going out for lunch with a coworker. The prominent type of relationship that children are embedded in during their first couple years of living is the kinship they maintain to their household family which typically includes parents and siblings. Nervous system regulation is first socialized through co-regulation between parent and infant. As the child matures and no longer relies on co-regulation for survival, the ability to self-regulate becomes foundational for engaging in healthy interpersonal relationships. If co-regulation was rarely or never experienced, the ability to self-regulate throughout the rest of life transitions becomes much more difficult and puts our future friendships and partnerships at risk for disrepair.

We tend to identify with our self-concepts based on how we’ve internalized our interactions with other people. We foster healthy interpersonal relationships through curious communication and compassion with the goal of building a trusted and transparent connection. As that bond strengthens, a friendship or partnership grows into an entity that is greater than the individuals themselves.

Relationship to Environment

The various ecosystems that surround and contextualize our life experiences are not commonly thought of in terms of our relationships. I’m defining “environment” as the constructed and natural systems and places where we reside, socialize, worship, learn, work, play, suffer, search for safety, and collectively heal. The relationships we hold to the aspects of our environment are key to our ability to self-regulate our emotions.

Supportive and safe spaces allow us the comfort to connect with ourselves and others while staying emotionally regulated. On the other hand, places that cue warning signs of danger based on past traumatic experiences will throw the body into dysregulation while overstressing the nervous system. Just as in our relationship to others, our relationship to our environment is a concept that is bigger than the individualized parts of the relationship.

Sociocultural Elements

Like our self-concepts, the sociocultural elements that engulf all relationships highlight their clever ability to remain hidden while emphasizing the need to acknowledge their existence. The negative elements are primarily the unconscious power dynamics embedded into the bones of society, and the positive elements are the collective efforts put forth to promote equality, tolerance, safety, wisdom, and well-being.

I hope that this journey into relational landscapes has inspired you to strive to become more aware and tolerant of your close internal and external relationships that are constantly entering and exiting a state of connection and rupture. I invite you to rethink your relational role within a sociocultural context the next time you’re entering a life transition, making a big life purchase, grocery shopping, conversing with family and peers or quietly passing a stranger on the street.

Mike Butera, MFT is a Staff Therapist at our Center City and University City Offices; he currently sees clients via online therapy. To set-up an appointment, you can reach him at mbutera@councilforrelationships.org or 215-382-6680 ext. 4346.

View Details

Every month, Council for Relationships features one of our staff therapists. This month’s Featured Therapist is Mike Butera, MFT. Learn more about him in the below interview!

What makes you unique as a therapist and as a person?

I have a never-ending lust for learning about human nature that exists both inside and outside the therapy room. When I’m not in the therapist’s chair, I’m constantly reading up on new ways to incorporate body-based techniques to help clients regulate their nervous system and process through emotions. Just as I help my clients regulate during sessions, I like to ground myself during my morning yoga ritual, walking my dog, being in nature, cycling throughout Philadelphia, and playing my tabla drums. I strongly believe that the value I place on my own self-care unconsciously resonates within the therapeutic relationship I hold with my clients.

What is your background? Why did you choose CFR?

I have a background working in the aerospace industry as an engineer with a fresh career transition into the field of marriage and family therapy where I provide individual, couple, and family therapy. I received my Master of Family Therapy degree from Thomas Jefferson University with my clinical internship experience through CFR. I decided to continue working at CFR because of their positive reputation for providing mental health services and their many talented therapists and supervisors that I can lean on for support. Also, I saw a unique opportunity to be a member of the Community Partnerships Initiative team at CFR which allows me to hone my skills in systems thinking, running groups, and relationship building through community engagement.

What do you consider to be the goal of therapy? How do you help your clients achieve their goals?

I think the primary goal of therapy is to have clients experience a sense of their own self-awareness and shift their Self energy to reach their personal goals for therapy. I think setting a client’s goals should be a collaborative process between the therapist and client within the first session. This allows for trust to start building in the therapeutic relationship which is a foundational component for a client's ability to benefit from therapy. I help clients achieve their goals through psychoeducation, emotional guidance, and interpretations so that they become empowered to take positive action in their own lives.

What advice would you give someone who may be struggling with the decision to start therapy, but may not feel ready?

I think it’s important for individuals struggling to decide whether to begin therapy to assess what’s really holding them back. It could be their financial situation, fear of the unknown, or just not feeling comfortable. My advice would be to take baby steps by reaching out to friends or family who may be in therapy and to therapists who offer a free consultation. Exploring your reservations with someone who’s experienced therapy or a therapist may result in more clarity for knowing if you’re truly ready or not. I recommend bringing a list of questions to ask the therapist to make sure they’re a good fit for your needs.

View Details

In a busy world, it can be challenging to remember to pause and take inventory of how you’re doing emotionally and mentally. With endless to-do lists and constant overstimulation from the news and navigating life in the pandemic, it’s hard to focus on anything other than just getting through the day. Do you ever feel like you’re moving through your days on autopilot? If so, that feeling is the body’s way of coping with stress by switching into survival mode.

Everyone deserves a life that they can be present to experience. How do we shift ourselves out of survival mode into a more present-filled life?

Self-care has become a buzz word as people search for ways to prioritize their emotional, mental, and physical well-being. Sometimes people struggle to take time for themselves amidst a busy schedule, but I think it’s also important to check in and see if the self-care activities you are engaging in are bringing you the restoration that you desire. I have found that the most impactful self-care activities that I’ve engaged in are ones that also restore my soul's longing for peace and fulfillment. I would describe soul care as returning home to yourself in mind, body, and spirit.

When we give our minds, bodies, and souls time to rest, we create space for a deeper check-in regarding our purpose and fulfillment in life. In practicing soul care, we can move past doing things in hopes that they will make us feel better in exchange for engaging in activities in ways that are aligned with what makes us feel fulfilled, ignites passion, and connects us with an opportunity to explore our purpose.

How can you elevate your self-care practices to the level of soul care? Here are five ways to practice creating space for soul care.

Disconnect to reconnect. Distractions can easily strip people of opportunities for self-check-in. Instead of an hour of screen time (phone, tv, computer), try to journal or take a walk. You will be amazed at what thoughts and feelings you might notice surface when you take time for stillness.
Journal. If you enjoy journaling or want to begin practicing this, you may be unsure of where to start. Some questions that you might ask yourself are:
- How am I feeling today? (Use a feelings wheel to help you if you are unsure of what emotion you’re experiencing)
- What are my highlights and hard times from this week?
- What are my values and are my everyday actions in alignment with them?
- If you find that your actions do not align with what you value, you may consider: What changes do I need to make to create more space for myself to live out my values?
Take a moment for mindfulness. Taking a moment to quiet your thoughts and experience your senses more fully can create space for clarity of mind, restful breathing, and a return to a peaceful state within your nervous system. You can do this through mindful listening, mindful eating, mindful walking, etc. Mindfulness is all about being in the present moment without judgment. Try taking a minute or two of mindfulness daily to allow your body, mind, and spirit to sync, and give yourself a moment of rest.
Dance/Movement. Movement is great for overall wellness and reconnecting with your body. Any form of movement, dance, or exercise can help calm the nervous system and increase joy and pleasure. Movement also helps release stuck emotional and mental energy which can provide relief from stress. Try five minutes of dancing to your favorite song or 15-30 minutes of a workout. Notice how alive you feel afterwards.
Laughter. A good laugh feels like medicine for a stressful spirit. Find moments for laughter daily with a partner, family, or friends. It will increase your endorphins, allow you to find perspective in life challenges, and can help release uncomfortable emotions.

Try one or all these practices and notice how they impact your awareness of your thoughts and feelings. Caring for your mind, body, and soul will help you shift out of survival mode so that you can be present for life’s good moments, live a life in alignment with your values, and address challenges from a healthier mental and emotional space.

Courtney Ragin, MFT is a Staff Therapist at our Center City and University City Offices; she currently sees clients via online therapy. To set-up an appointment, you can reach her at cragin@councilforrelationships.org or 215-382-6680 ext. 7004.

View Details

Every month, Council for Relationships features one of our staff therapists. This month’s Featured Therapist is Courtney Ragin, MFT. Learn more about her in the below interview!

What do you consider to be the goal of therapy? How do you help your clients achieve their goals?

I believe that the goal of therapy is to help clients heal and grow so that they feel empowered in their lives and connected with others around them. I help clients achieve their goals by supporting them in exploring how the past impacts who they are today, the decisions that they make, and the level of health in relationships that they have currently. Once a client understands themself and how their relationships with others or society impacts them, I support them in understanding and responding to the current reality in ways that help them move closer towards feeling connected and confident. Everyone deserves to experience joy, ease, and connection. Past hurt, trauma, or repeated experiences of oppression can cause people to believe that they are unworthy of the joy that they desire or that change is not possible. I help clients get out of the cycle of negative thinking and disconnected relationships by helping them practice their desired change in session and outside of session so that, over time, they can see positive change and how far they’ve come because of their persistent efforts. I remind clients that they are not alone, change takes work and time, and they are deserving of the life that they want.

Describe a specific tool or exercise that you share with your clients.

A tool that I frequently use with my clients is a Feelings Wheel. I believe this tool is so important because it gives clients an opportunity to slow down and identify the emotion that they are experiencing in the moment. Naming an emotion is powerful because it allows the client to receive both internal and external validation that what they’re feeling makes sense. It also gives the client an opportunity to explore their relationship with emotions and increase insight into how their thoughts and feelings impact their behavior. This tool has been effective in family therapy to help clients communicate their experience and emotion in a way that is non-judgmental so that the family can collaborate towards a solution to the problem at hand instead of remaining in conflict over who is right. The feelings wheel provides a chance for clients to tune into what they’re feeling and how that emotion shows up in their body through physical sensations so that they can move from reacting out of emotion to responding to their emotions in effective ways.

Why did you decide to become a therapist?

I decided to become a therapist because I wanted to help people find hope amid life challenges. When I considered pursuing a degree in therapy, I knew instantly that I wanted to be a family therapist. I have always been fascinated by family dynamics and the connection between how modeled behavior in a person’s childhood impacts the way that person shows up in relationships with others. I want to help individuals see their strength and feel accepted and valued in their relationships. I also want to help families heal hurt that they have experienced and have positive interactions because family is the first place where people learn how to interact in relationship with others.

What advice would you give someone who may be struggling with the decision to start therapy, but may not feel ready?

You don’t have to be ready; you just need to be willing to try. Do it even if you must do it while afraid. Sometimes the most impactful growth is on the other side of fear. If you are considering therapy, take the first step and make the phone call to get connected to services. The more you practice taking the next step in front of you, the more confident you will feel in your ability to do hard things. You’ll be so thankful that you did!

View Details

As summer weather quickly approaches, there are a few things that come to mind: sun, sand, and sex. There is something inherently erotic about hot summer nights, sunbaked skin and wearing less clothing that may motivate your mojo. If you, like so many other folx out there, have some hang-ups about experiencing sexual pleasure, here are some tips to break down those barriers.

You deserve pleasure. This one may be a lot to unpack but hear me out. Life is hard. The daily grind of work or school with limited time for play can wear us all down. Engaging in intimate time with a partner, spouse, or with yourself is a wonderfully fulfilling and no cost way to raise your endorphins. Pleasure does not discriminate against your age, race, ethnicity, size, sexual orientation, or gender identity. Pleasure is for all. It is customizable and accessible to all. Just remember, if you’re playing with a partner or partners, make sure it is safe, sane, and consensual.

Experiment with your senses. Pleasure is not just about orgasm. Our bodies are magnificent creations that are engineered to deliver all kinds of sensory sensations from taste to touch to smell. Whether you have a partner or not, experimenting with your senses to see what feels good is the first step in increasing pleasure in your life. Genitals aside, there are many different parts of your body that feel good when touched or stroked. Explore your body or your partner’s body to see what feels good and add in the sensory stimulation of a lotion or lubricant to see how the sensation changes. Put on music that makes you feel sexy and touch yourself to the beat. Try using your mouth instead of your hands to do the exploration. You may find new and exciting erogenous zones that you never thought were possible.

Slow down. There is a lot of stigma around masturbation and socially constructed “rules” around partnered sexuality activity that may add a level of anxiety to pleasure seeking. Instead of relishing in the experience, the focus switches to reaching orgasm as quickly as possible. Slow down. Take a mindful approach to pleasure seeking by staying in the present moment. Notice how your partner smells or what they look like as they’re receiving pleasure. Notice how your body feels when you touch it, and how it changes when the pleasure builds. Take the focus away from an orgasm as the only way to sexual pleasure or as the “means to an end.” The pressure of goal-oriented sex can make pleasure harder to attain and can make sexual dysfunction worse. Enjoy the connection with your body or with your partner’s body. Try different positions to see what feels best. Explore alternatives to intercourse or insertion, especially if you or your partner experiences sexual pain. When we learn how to turn down or tune out bedroom anxieties, the potential for pleasure expands exponentially.

Hopefully these tips will break down the barriers to pleasure that may be blocking you from euphoria in the bedroom. So, strip down to your skin after a day at the pool or the beach, and give yourself, or your partner, the pleasure you deserve.

Danielle Silverman, LCSW, MEd is a Staff Therapist at our Lawrenceville, NJ and Voorhees, NJ Offices; she currently sees clients via online therapy. To set-up an appointment, you can reach her at dsilverman@councilforrelationships.org or 215-382-6680 ext. 7015.

View Details

School’s out (or about to be) for Summer! And that means warmer weather, more daylight, rushing kids around to camps, and hopefully some vacations with friends and family. Summer can often be refreshing, a time to unplug, recharge, and ground ourselves before Fall kicks things back into high gear. But how can we do that when Summer feels so jam-packed and fleeting? I often recommend working on slowing things down and reconnecting with ourselves to feel more like active participants in our daily lives.

What does “slowing down” look like? Well, to start, focusing on intentionality in our days, doing things for ourselves on purpose. It can be helpful to cultivate intentionality within four different areas of our lives. We want to build intentionality around 1). our needs, 2). our time, 3). our experiences, and 4). our emotions. Intentionality varies for everyone, but there are some ways to jump right in:

Intentionality around Needs: This can look like checking in with yourself about what you need or what you want the structure of your day to look like. Asking yourself the simple question, “What do I need today?” can point you in the right direction around getting those needs met.

Intentionality around Time: This can look like setting a goal to take a walk for 20 minutes a day, three-five days a week, to ensure that you are giving yourself time for just yourself. It can also look like purposeful social media intake – maybe limiting it to once or twice daily for no more than 10 minutes. Ensuring that you are mindful of how you choose to spend your time is crucial in feeling connected to it.

Intentionality around Experiences: This can look like journaling every night before you go to bed to reflect on the day you just had and the experiences shaping your life. It can also look like seeking new opportunities to see how variety may affect your understanding of self – actively building out experiences, no matter how small or short, can be a great way to find new skills that reinforce your feelings of strength and excitement.

Intentionality around Emotions: This can look like working to identify the emotions you are feeling in each moment and acknowledging them. A way to do this is to slow your breathing down to notice the feelings coming up for you. Naming these feelings for yourself can be clarifying.

When we slow things down to reconnect with ourselves, we find meaning in our days that may be overlooked while navigating the hustle of the short summer months. When we build intentionality around our needs, time, experiences, and emotions, we can slow down to ultimately improve our understanding of our lives and, more importantly, ourselves. Intentionality in our days can help us reconnect to who we are right now and savor what’s in front of us.

Kathy Klein, M.S.Ed., MSW, LSW is a Staff Therapist at our Center City and University City Offices; she currently sees clients via online therapy. To set-up an appointment, you can reach her at kklein@councilforrelationships.org or 215-382-6680 ext. 7022.

View Details

Every month, Council for Relationships features one of our staff therapists. This month’s Featured Therapist is* Danielle Silverman, LCSW, MEd*. Learn more about her in the below interview!

What do you consider to be the goal of therapy? How do you help your clients achieve their goals?

I think the goal of therapy is to seek deeper understanding about the self or the conflicts a person or couple is experiencing. Understanding leads to growth and compassion and helps us make peace with our demons and live in the present moment. As a therapist, I provide a judgment-free space for clients to express their thoughts, feelings, and emotions. I see myself as a guide in sorting through everything, shining light on dark corners, asking hard questions, and providing support and validation so my clients can reach their therapy goals.

How would your clients describe you?

I believe my clients would describe me as empathetic, good-natured, and curious. I try not to talk as much during sessions and avoid advice giving, especially in the beginning, because I want to hear how my clients tell their stories. I think we live in a world where a lot of people want to talk, and not a lot of people like to listen, so my focus as a therapist is to whole-heartedly listen to my clients when they speak. I also think my clients would say I have a good sense of humor.

What is your background? Why did you choose CFR?

My degree is in Social Work and Human Sexuality Education, and I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. In addition to generalist practice, I’m trained as a sex and couples’ therapist. My working experience really runs the gamut from inpatient psychiatric units to school social work, and I have worked with preschoolers to older adults. My preferred populations are adolescents, couples, and older adults. I chose CFR because some of the front-runners of sex and couples therapy started here and created this amazing legacy. I want to be part of this organization and contribute to the client community CFR serves.

Why did you decide to become a therapist?

I didn’t start out as a therapist. I started working in video production because I wanted to make meaningful movies and documentaries. While trying to make it in this cut-throat industry, I noticed that strangers and people I barely knew would talk to me about their lives and their struggles. I couldn’t use public transportation or go to the grocery store without falling into conversation with someone. I always say that social work chose me, and when I started my first class in graduate school, I knew I made the right decision. I love being a therapist. I love meeting new people and asking them questions. It is a great privilege to hold the stories and secrets of my clients and walk alongside them while they go through some of the most difficult times of their lives.

View Details

I personally have never experienced trauma related to gun violence. But, the emotion I feel each time this happens is hopelessness. Our society has adopted a certain performance mechanism to these acts of terror—we awaken with shock and horror, but quickly bury these emotions. Instead, we choose to debate Second Amendment rights, question forensic profiling, release “Thoughts and Prayers” press releases, and eventually, we forget. As a member of society, there is little I can do besides civic engagement or voting to change the laws. As a therapist though, I can use my clinical skills to ask those around me what it would be like if they allowed themselves to deeply feel their emotions and offer some tips for healthy reactions. Those tips include:

Name your emotions. There could be a whole host of things you are feeling: shock, sadness, regret, guilt, anger, weakness, numbness, or resignation. Do not just label these emotions in your mind. Put them on paper. By putting your feelings on paper, they become more than just synapses firing off your mind. They have depth and physical existence. Put them in a place where you can come back to them in a few weeks or months and reflect.
Accept your emotions. They are going to hurt and you might not like how they feel, but it is important not to push them away. Many people will try to distract themselves from the pain of unspeakable tragedy by using avoidance behaviors. This could be something like drinking alcohol or abusing substances or something more benign like binge-watching four hours of The Office on Netflix. Some of the most difficult avoidance behaviors to spot are those that seem like you are still invested in the hurt. I see so many people engage in divisive Facebook debates after events like these. The debates I read are rarely civil and can often result in “un-friending.” I believe this is because the individuals involved are avoiding feeling the difficult emotions that accompany unanswerable questions; Why did people like me have to die? Why am I still here? What if next time it is me? Policy debates are important and they have their place, but they are an act of emotional avoidance in the first few days.
Understand what happened, but don’t live in it. There is little to gain by soaking up all the gruesome details by immersing yourself in non-stop viewing of the news. This behavior can reinforce feelings of grief and depression, it isolates you from others, and it can traumatize you remotely. Stick to web articles and only read what you need to know.
Connect with your community. This should be a topic among your friends, professional organizations, and religious communities. Talk with each of them and share your feelings. Listen to their feelings. Determine whether there is a way you can honor those who are gone.

To those who were injured or lost, and their loved ones, our hearts at Council for Relationships go out to you.

Adam Goodman, JD, MFT is a former Staff Therapist

Council for Relationships: Recent Episodes

None