Virtual Kitchen Table: Recent Episodes
Erin
We’d like to welcome you to the Virtual Kitchen Table. We are Hayley from Taking a Kinder Path, Erin from Ever Learning and Ashley from Ashley as Mama and Storytime Shelves. We’re gathering to have conversations about family life and home education, most specifically unschooling, which is sometimes known as self-directed education or, as we sometimes refer to it, whole life learning, consent-based education or natural learning. We’ll be sharing experiences and ideas, learning as we go through relaxed conversation. We hope you’ll pull a chair up to the table and join us.
Episode 48: Taking a Kinder Path to the Holiday Season – Planning Together with our Kids Based on a core section of Hayley’s blog post, Taking a Kinder Path to the Festivities: For You, Your Children and the Planet, we discuss kind and collaborative approaches we can take to the holiday season With two […]
Episode 47: The Way Children Learn: Living a Life that Supports All Kinds of Learning Anne fromEclectic Kids, Bird Bound and @obytheby and April Scully from Modern Homeschoolers join for a conversation about the many faces of whole life learning. The conversation is as vibrant, messy, wonderful and meaningful as whole life learning itself […]
Episode 46: The Imagination we Lack When it Comes to Education: The Kindergarten Years We Discuss: Kindergarten in the past in comparison to now (each sharing memories of our own start of school) Sharing stories of our child’s start to the school years The awareness of making a mistake being unacceptable and when/how […]
High School Diplomas, College Degrees and Future Careers: Is There More Than One Way? We say “yes” there is! Missy Willis from Let ‘em Go Barefoot and I connected this summer to have a conversation based on one of Missy’s Substack essays, Make the High School Diploma Mean Something Again. In this conversation, we […]
Episode 45: How to Begin Homeschooling: Getting Into the Swing of Things Whether New to it or Continuing We talk about beginning the “school year,” either as a new homeschool family or a continuing family from the perspective of both connection and practical ideas. It can be an exciting time of year, but it can […]
Episode 44: Nature Study, Time Outdoors and Taking the Pressure off of Ourselves and our Children We dive into a deep exploration of different perspectives about nature study and outdoor time and where those things are both similar and different. We discuss what this looks like at different ages, including the teenage years, and […]
Does homeschooling have to cost a lot of money?
We tap into this topic with Anne from @obytheby and Eclectic Kids and come to the conclusion that living richly and abundantly is indeed possible without expensive classes, outings and materials. We agree that sometimes we might choose those things but that as we slow down, observe and integrate other things into our days, they don’t seem as necessary or even desired. *This isn’t a conversation that suggests that everyone wants to or can homeschool, either financially or otherwise. It’s an opportunity for us to sift through how home education can be simplified and enjoyed at a much lower cost than people might imagine and that while that still might not make it possible for ALL people, it might make it possible for MORE people. Something that comes up throughout the conversation is the role that gradual deschooling plays in becoming more comfortable with living simply.
We’d love you to tune in and hear our thoughts. If you have links to additional free, low-cost or Pay What You Can resources, please send them our way via Comments or the Ever Learning email and we’ll get a running list going.
Resources:
@obytheby
Eclectic Kids
Eclectic Kids Explore
Birdbound
Abundant Homeschooling Doesn’t Need to Cost a Lot of Money – Ever Learning
How Much Novelty Do Our Kids Need? – Episode #11: Virtual Kitchen Table Episode
Fear of Missing Out – Episode #26: Virtual Kitchen Table Episode
Easy Peasy Homeschool
All in One Homeschool High School
The Good and the Beautiful
Khan Academy
Virtual Kitchen Table Community
Sometimes we all feel we’ve missed the mark with our kids and it’s not a great feeling. What might be helpful during those times?
In this conversation, we return to follow up on the discussion from Episode #40: Feel Like a Rubbish Parent? Nine Things to Remember When You Feel Like a Rubbish Parent and weave in some action steps as well as explore many related thoughts. We invite you to join us!
Both of these conversations are based on Hayley’s blog posts of the same titles. You can link in the Resources to read the full posts.
Resources:
What to Do When You Feel Like a Rubbish Parent: 13 Steps to Dealing With Parenting Doubt – Taking a Kinder Path
Episode #40: Feel Like a Rubbish Parent? 9 Things to Do When You Doubt your Parenting
Who I Am: The Words I Tell Myself by Susan Verde, Peter H. Reynolds (Illustrator)
Birdbound
Lulastic Hippyshake
Ever Learning – Being Conscious of the External Processor: How Being Aware of the Way our Child Makes Decisions Can Help Us Avoid Getting Tangled Up
19 Benefits of a Good Cry: The Comforting Case for Crying (and Why it’s Good for Us) – Taking a Kinder Path
Virtual Kitchen Table Community
Joy lists : A Home Education Essential (what they are, why you should have one and how to get started). – Taking a kinder path
Self-soothing checklists : the secret to raising our mood and energy levels fast – Taking a kinder path
Create a calming kit to help you cope (45+ ideas to get started right now) – Taking a kinder path
We came back to chat about creativity and creative practice again with Cyrielle from Unschooling and Thriving, and Kendel from spark.to.flame.homelearning joined in and added her perspective. We shared insights about our children’s creativity and our own, and ways we consider and support them and ourselves, both practically and thoughtfully. This was a really interesting conversation with a lot of little nuggets throughout that helped us zero in on the value of various forms and aspects of creativity and the ways we can invest in our families and ourselves to support well-being and create joy. Please join us for a listen.
Resources:
Unschooling and Thriving
@Spark.to.flame.homelearning
Reclaiming your Time – Unschooling and Thriving
Episode #37: Nurturing our Well-being Through Creative Practices
Episode #6: The State of Flow in Learning
Tendril Theory
Self-Determination Theory
“Do you feel like a rubbish parent? Scared of letting your children down? Convinced you’re not good enough …?”
We dug into Hayley’s blog post of the same name and discussed those moments or maybe seasons when we feel utterly lost as a parent, and also the ones where we just aren’t quite sure. We talk about changes in parenting trends and the evolving role and expectations of parenthood, share challenges and ideas and so much more. Join us for an interesting conversation that might be quite relatable.
Resources:
Connection Parenting
Virtual Kitchen Table Episode # 20 – Deschooling Imperfectly: The Beauty of Intention
Virtual Kitchen Table Community
We were joined by Bex Tobin Fine, author of the picture book You Are Home and thoroughly enjoyed a conversation with her about the many aspects of home. We tapped into how we define home, where we feel at home, considerations within our home educating lives, how we collaborate with our children in relation to home and, woven into all of that, is how we nurture in ourselves and our children that in a very real sense, we are our own home.
Resources:
Books by Bex
Virtual Kitchen Table Episode #27: What is Strewing – Being Intentional
Exploring Unschooling Podcast #189 – Pam Laricchia and Amy Martinez
Virtual Kitchen Table Episode #37: Nurturing our Well-Being Through Creative Practices
Episode 38: What a delight to have Sue Elvis from Stories of an Unschooling Family and April from Modern Homeschoolers join again to talk about mathematics and the various and interesting ways that skills and knowledge are developed. This is a good addition to Episode 36: Unschooling Math – What Does Learning Math/s Naturally Look Like? There was more to discuss so here we are!
If you enjoy these discussions feel free to be in touch for further information about the Virtual Kitchen Table Community. We’d love to welcome you to pull up a chair.
Resources:
Stories of an Unschooling Family
Modern Homeschoolers
Virtual Kitchen Table Episode 27: What is Strewing?
My Little Poppies – Gameschooling
Prodigy
Math Seeds
Numberphile
Timing it Right Board Game
Cool math games
Free to Learn by Dr. Peter Gray
Virtual Kitchen Table Community
It was so, so interesting to meet with Cyrielle from Unschooling and Thriving to talk about the way creative practices support our well-being. We explored various ideas and understandings of creativity and discussed what it can look like in our own lives as well as in our children’s. We’d love you to join us for a listen!
We discuss:
Curating and creating themes (with books, sensory kits, etc)
Cycle awareness
Recognizing the distinction between making things for our children versus creating for ourselves
The “bubble of creativity” and the benefit it brings to our entire being (some similarity to “flow” in learning)
Choosing repetitive and restful activities at times and more challenging projects when feeling more energetic and inspired
The range of creativity from visual art to things like reading and planning
That self-care can be deeper than physical grooming and treating ourselves
Soul care as a deeper “filling of our cup”
Differentiating between creativity and creative hobbies – beneficial in different ways
The role of movement and repetition in handiwork
Self-Determination Theory as it relates to crafting – autonomy, competence and relatedness
Engaging socially while also engaging with a craft
A range of hands-on creative activities from gardening to baking to soap-making to Lego building
Developing intention
Intrinsic motivation versus extrinsic motivation
That creative practices are not necessarily as valued as physical exercise in relation to health and well-being
How the way people style or dress themselves can be a way of creative self-expression
Creative practice as stress relief and rest from anxiety
Physical movement during creative thinking
Breaking down the idea that creativity is separate from organization
Creativity as part of life – separate from creative hobbies
Engaging in creative practice without pressure of perfectionism
Process versus outcome and how the focus is different for different kids and adults
Kids being inspired to create something but feeling held back by fear or comparison
Reframing creative expression when we feel judgements of our kids cropping up
How to prioritize time for creative self-expression as a parent
Using the word “practice” rather than “habit”
Shifting our way of thinking of things so that time has been intentionally set aside for creative endeavours
Thinking about choices versus “shoulds” in the sense that we might choose to leave things that other people might assume need to be done in order to have time for rest and creative self-care
Creative rest
That sometimes rest needs to happen before creativity (can be hard to accept if we’re feeling time is scarce)
Communicating to family members, spouses, etc that we are being intentional about our creative time
That often our kids enjoy seeing our creativity and downtime and that if we see it’s a time that we feel we are truly needed, we can make the choice to postpone our own activity, but still make note of our own need as well
That taking time to create is a gift not only to ourself but also to our family
The difference between creating something freestyle versus following directions
Having conversations within marriages about expectations of the role we’re in or have chosen (a full-time mother doesn’t necessarily equal a housewife and a breadwinner doesn’t necessarily mean that working outside the home has included having time to be creative)
Resources:
Unschooling and Thriving (Workshops, Series and Online Community)
Craft Psychology: How Crafting Promotes Health, Dr. Anne Kirketerp
Martha Beck website
Episode 6: The State of Flow in Learning, Virtual Kitchen Table
Episode 8: Do We Deserve Joy? Unpacking Perspective of Joy in Home Education, Virtual Kitchen Table
Episode 12: Perspectives on Self-Care – for our children, for ourselves, Virtual Kitchen Table
John Muir Laws – Nature Stewardship Through Science, Education, and Art
Virtual Kitchen Table Community
What a delight to have Sue Elvis from Stories of an Unschooling Family and April from Modern Homeschoolers join to talk about mathematics and the various and interesting ways that skills and knowledge are developed. We cover a lot – this might be the longest Virtual Kitchen Table episode we’ve had and we are likely going to have a second discussion. If you enjoy these discussions feel free to be in touch for further information about the Virtual Kitchen Table Community.
Resources:
Stories of an Unschooling Family
Modern Homeschoolers
Let ‘em Go Barefoot -Episode 39 – Joyful Maths with Ruth Rinaldi
The Mathematician’s Lament – Paul Lockhart
Virtual Kitchen Table – Spot the Learning
Modern Homeschoolers Instagram Math Reel
Self-Directed podcast
Kids Learn Math Easily When They Control Their Own Learning – Dr. Peter Gray article
Math Seeds
Number Blocks
How Children Acquire “Academic” Skills Without Formal Instruction – Dr. Peter Gray
Stories of an Unschooling Family – Maths blog posts
Joyful Maths With Ruth
Virtual Kitchen Table Community
*Virtual Kitchen Table is now an online community as well as a podcast. 😊 Check the link above and listen here for our thoughts.
In this conversation, Anne from @obytheby and Eclectic Kids and Kendel from @spark.to.flame.homelearning, join in to discuss how interesting and authentic online connections can be.
We Discuss:
Connecting with people based on interests versus being in our physical lives
Social media as a way of sharing inspiration
Online friends and acquaintances as another layer of people we wonder and care about
Facebook as a way to find local people and build in-person community
That sharing the highlights encourages others to find the glimmers and be inspired
Bridging the differences by focusing on the little niche points we have in common rather than noticing differences – maybe it’s easier to do that with online contacts than with in-person relationships
Private community as having a purpose of connecting more meaningfully than social media and meeting specific needs
Asynchronous communication as a way of having time to think through responses and interactions
The pressure to join the next new thing – TikTok, Substack, Threads, etc – and feeling reactive about being expected to join simply because people say you should 😉
The ability to communicate in more depth and vulnerability online because we’re not connected in regular in-person ways where we have connections that could go sideways or lead to gossip or conflict
The paradox of small talk – the opportunity to skip the small talk and get quickly to a deep level of knowing, yet the genuine interest in the everyday things of someone’s life once connecting at a deep level
“Resting into” a level of trust and acceptance
Virtual friendships as being a key entry point at the adult level rather than getting to know people because the kids know each other which is quite common in in-person life.
How many homeschool parents move past talking about homeschooling and parenthood once their kids are beyond those years and the beauty of being able to find people online who share the same passion for continuing to focus on it as kids get older
The accessibility of podcasts and writing and choosing to directly connect with people who are creating and sharing
The range of stages people are in within the homeschooling and unschooling community and the reciprocity of learning
How people who homeschooled and unschooled as kids already know it can “work” so there’s less need to gather assurance in that area and more time to enjoy the living and learning
“Virtual overwhelm” and Fear of Missing Out
That often “You know when you know” in the sense that you come into contact with the style or writer or peer that resonates with you and that you find encouragement from
The flexibility and space to participate as makes sense for us – community as support and not pressure
Our conditioning that participation has to look a certain way
What the virtual world will look like when this much larger cohort of home educated kids are adults – will there be as much need for reassurance?
Online overload and the potential benefit of beginning home ed before the rise of social media, blogs and podcasts.
The growing societal acceptance of online friendships as real friendships
Finding ways to take care of and look out for one another across the internet
The mark of true community being the felt absence of someone when they aren’t there
Resources:
Virtual Kitchen Table Community
Ever Learning
Living Joyfully Network
The Teenage Liberation Handbook by Grace Llewellyn
Eclectic Kids (Anne’s website)
@obytheby (Anne’s Instagram account)
@spark.to.flame.homelearning
The Virtual Kitchen Table now includes a COMMUNITY as well as a podcast. 😃 We’d love for you to read on …
Some time ago Hayley had the idea of discussing online community as an episode topic and at first we wondered if it might be part of a Community conversation, but we had far too much to talk about relating to in-person community so we’ve recorded not one, but two (next one coming soon) conversations about virtual connections and how they can begin to develop into relationships and community.
In this episode, Ashley and I discuss how much value there is in online connection and community AND introduce and describe the new Virtual Kitchen Table Community.
We discuss:
The practical ins and outs of virtual connections
Depth of conversation
Discernment of who we interact with
Personal online responsibility to both others and ourselves
Challenging ourselves to find value in people that are different from us even when it’s much easier to connect only with people like us OR not doing that depending on our online purpose
The courage and risk of sharing and opening ourselves up
Building a culture of safety and respect
The distinction between social media and private forums
How there are different online communities that work for different people or even different aspects of people’s needs, personalities and interests
How tapping into different communities is a healthy way to engage in different parts of ourselves without placing all the expectation on one group
Community as learning and sharing, receiving and giving
Virtual Kitchen Table Community:
Our community has evolved from the Unschooling Together community which evolved from the Stories of an Unschooling Family community, founded by Sue Elvis.
During our time in Unschooling Together, it’s become clear that although we want to continue to highlight discussion about unschooling, we want to move beyond focusing solely on that term, and rather broaden to include people who don’t necessarily use the term or those who do things more eclectically. We already have had people in the community identifying differently as far as how they live and learn so we’ve seen that it can work wonderfully. What we have solidly in common is a strong interest in thoughtful and respectful parenting, education and community.
If you only want to hear about the community, you can skip ahead to the 1 hour, 16 minute mark.
We would love to see you in the community. 🙂
Resources:
Virtual Kitchen Table Community
Psychology Today – Peter Gray
Taking a Kinder Path
Stories of an Unschooling Family
Virtual Kitchen Table Episode 27: What is Strewing? Peeling Back the Layers of Intention, Connection and Practice
A few other groups:
Living Joyfully Network
90 Minute School Day – DITL Community
Confident Homeschool Mom Collective
Feel free to add others you know of in the Comments.
Following our Episode 32, Being Intentional for the Holidays – Finding a Fit for our Families, we continue the theme of deepening our understanding of what works for us, this time as a new year begins. We discuss our thoughts about resolutions and goals for parents and children alike, as well as share thoughts about the line parents walk between facilitating and encouraging kids as they journey into a new year or phase and knowing when to “let be” and step aside. We talk about how that can all happen with gentleness … our “successful” interactions as well as our fumbles. We’d love you to have a listen!
Resources:
Lists or Not – How Do We and Those We Love Keep Organized, Virtual Kitchen Table Episode 16
The Happiness Project – Gretchen Ruben
The Twelve Week Year – Brian P. Moran
Deschooling Imperfectly: The Beauty of Intention, Virtual Kitchen Table Episode 20
Ten Benefits of Making Mistakes – Taking a Kinder Path
Joy Lists – Taking a Kinder Path
Goodreads Annual Reading Challenge
NaNoWriMo Novel Writing
Jacquie Lawson Advent Calendar
We return this season to the topic of Being Intentional about the Holidays and thinking about what will best fit our own individual crew, including ourselves. Keeping in mind our own rhythms and preferences alongside those of our family members, we remind ourselves that we have choice during this busy season and come up with some creative ideas for everyone to enjoy.
We Discuss:
Being mindful of our capacity and limits
Observing the menstrual cycle and the role it plays in higher and lower energy, etc, communicating about how we’re feeling
The importance of rest
Building in extra time on either side of Christmas to allow time for the range of things we’d like to do
Decorating whenever feels like the right time for us
Joy lists as a way of creating awareness and a menu of sorts of what each family member would like to do
Fun Family Christmas challenges as a way of keeping connected and giving shape to time together
Remembering we have choice even when sometimes it feels as if everything is necessary
Taking time to ask each family member what their hopes are for the season
Solidly including kids’ wishes in the plans
The value placed on “being ready for Christmas,” and its meaning of having presents ready and wrapped
Different strategies and pacing for gift shopping
Considering feelings of disappointment or letdown after the excitement
Setting our children up for success at various gatherings, parties and events
Letting kids know what other people at a gathering might be interested in and vice versa to facilitate points of connection
The change in dynamics as kids get older and adjusting plans and conversation accordingly
Social strategies – people’s thoughts are their own and it’s not our responsibility to change minds about homeschooling, particular parenting practices, etc
That difficulties can be opportunities
Creating an atmosphere/ambience (candles, decorations, music, swapping out regular things for a festive version while we’re getting something anyway) that “holds” even when energy and ideas are lower – kids will be fine if we don’t do “all the things”
Noticing what’s meaningful or nostalgic to our kids themselves- is there a small toy or decoration they tend to look for, an activity they ask about?
Consciously working on flexibility around traditions and understanding that changes can be hard for tradition-oriented kids and family members, including ourselves
Being financially intentional and also giving ourselves grace and flexibility
Proactive and practical ideas for calming and settling
Resources:
Boundaries 101: Raising Confident Learners with Liana Francisco, 90 Minute School Day Episode 30
Taking a Kinder Path to the Festivities for You, Your children and the Planet – Taking a Kinder Path
Festive Joy Lists – Taking a Kinder Path
Home Ed Resources: Festive Fun for all the Family- Taking a Kinder Path
20 Reassuring Resources for Respectful Parenting at Christmas (and the whole year round) – Taking a Kinder Path
Dealing with Conflict at Christmas – Taking a Kinder Path
Being Intentional about the Holidays – Ideas for Thoughtful Families, Episode 17
We returned to finish our conversation about Hayley’s blog post of the same name as this episode. We recommend listening to Part One first as it will give context to the conversation, but of course if jumping in here suits you, there is still lots to be gained.
Thank you to Sue Elvis from Stories of an Unschooling Family for joining us again and bringing her thoughts and experience!
Resources:
Unschooling, A Voyage of Discovery
Stories of an Unschooling Family
Taking a Kinder Path
Curious Unschoolers
Radical Unschool Love
The Unschool Challenge
Episode 6: The State of Flow in Learning
Exploring Unschooling podcast, Episode #96, Ordinary Unschooling
Resources:
Unschooling, A Voyage of Discovery, Taking a Kinder Path
Stories of an Unschooling Family
On Chores, Learning Respect and Such … Is there a Gentler Way, Ever Learning
Curious Unschoolers, Sue Elvis
Radical Unschoolers, Sue Elvis
The Unschool Challenge, Sue Elvis
Have you ever thought about what it looks like to learn science in an organic way? To really celebrate it and live a life where you and your kids are interacting with it through passion and practicality? To see it linked to or naturally occurring in so many other things in your days? We chat with April from @modern.homeschoolers and Anne from @obytheby in the latest episode, The Rich Experience of Unschooling Science. We talk about curiosity, joy, fun, depth of learning, our role as parents, stewardship, gaps (or not) and more. We hope you’ll have a listen!
Resources:
@obytheby
extraschooling.com
@modern.homeschoolers
@heroineofyourstory
Virtual Kitchen Table Episode #28: Spot the Learning
Merlin app
Seek app
Planet Fungi Documentary
Magic School Bus program
Magic School Bus books
Wow in the World podcast
Dinosaur Train program
Science Max program
But Why podcast
The Art of Noticing
Explorations in the Ant World
Letters to a Young Scientist
Dude Perfect YouTube channel
Crazy Russian Hacker YouTube channel
Mythbusters
Bird cast (migration) app
One of the things that’s been important to each of us at the Virtual Kitchen Table is community, both for the sake of all and also as a way to better support educational options for families. In one of our earliest episodes (linked in Resources/Show Notes) we talked about the benefit of rich and varied community as places to live and learn. Several episodes later, we discussed homeschool communities (also linked). In today’s episode, Kendel from @spark.to.flame.homelearning joins us again as we find some practical ideas for building and contributing to community with the local spaces and people around us as well as specific thoughts in relation to home education. We touch on so much in this conversation and yet it feels there’s still more to think about. We’d love you to have a listen!
Resources:
@spark.to.flame.homelearning
Episode #3 – Choice in Education: Living and Learning in Community, Virtual Kitchen Table
Episode #15: Homeschool Community – Finding, Sustaining and How it Evolves
Who are the People in your Neighbourhood? Ever Learning
Happiness is Here – Is Unschooling Too Focused on the Individual?
Happiness is Here – Nature Journalling: Adopt a Creek for a Year
Novitas Magazine – Grassroots Community Support During the Current Housing Crisis
Novitas Magazine – Project Knotwork: Merging community and education through project-based self-directed learning
Five Ways That Home Education Can Be Healthy For Communities
Episode 28: Virtual Kitchen Table: Spot the Learning! How Our Children are Learning More Than We Might Think Have you ever wondered whether your child is learning enough? Or maybe you suspect there’s more than meets the eye to what they’re taking in through outdoor play, online gaming, the stories they tell, the things […]
Have you heard of strewing? Is it something you actively do? We really enjoyed having Kendel from @spark.to.flame.homelearning join us for a conversation about the more nuanced aspects of strewing. There was a lot more to discuss than we first imagined. We’d love if you’d have a listen!
We Discuss:
Keeping track of the things we’ve shared with our kids as a way of seeing the fullness of what’s happening in our lives
Strewing as active, thoughtful and intentional but without attached expectations
Strewing as scattering seeds and fertilizing ground – enriching the environment
How terms and words can feel like they come with a set of rules
Spontaneous strewing
Inviting our kids into our interests as well
How strewing can offer comfort and practicality if parents are newer to homeschooling or not using a curriculum
That strewing is both simple and complex
Strewing as a fun, enjoyable practice
How all parents living in connection with their kids are likely doing some form of strewing without necessarily having a name for it
Digitally documenting the things we share and strew and do
Strewing as something that can be shared with family just even as a way to show what we’ve been up to
Strewing as connected to our children’s love languages
Sharing ideas with people of all ages as a form of strewing
Strewing for the purpose of connecting and sharing rather than for a learning goal
Differentiating between the delight-directed learning of curating around a child’s interest to cover certain subjects versus authentically offering something with no strings attached
How some things might be seen as objectively educational or academic
Sneaky or stealth learning – manipulation versus autonomy of choice
Whether there’s such a thing as a strewing “fail” and if so, how we might define that
How there can be room to share our thoughts without manipulating the situation and turning things into a lesson or our own agenda
Being connected and observant as a way of knowing when we might be pushing our kids beyond what they’re comfortable with
That it’s helpful to remember that the world has so many opportunities rather than coming at things from a scarcity mindset
Trust in us as having a lot to do with how kids feel about what we offer
Not feeling absolute or time-limited about what we offer – something may be enjoyed at another time
The vast difference in children’s responses and warm-up time – a “maybe” can mean completely different things from different children
Creating a safe and welcoming environment for kids to join things if they are self-conscious or apprehensive – the line between being strategically supportive and manipulative
Whole family strewing
Modeling being a curious person
Sensory strewing!
Expanding our ideas of what’s important
That diving into a child’s interest too intensely can actually hamper it or at least hamper their willingness to share
Being upfront about the time commitment and intensity of what we’re offering if it’s a bigger thing – a volunteer job or theatre opportunity, sports team and noticing when it’s something we’d like them to do because it would feel good to us
What kids’ interpretation of an activity or commitment is
Supporting our kids’ developing sense of self and consent
Low cost strewing ideas (so many interesting things came up!)
Accepting and leaning into ideas from extended family, friends and neighbours
Resources:
Strewing: Definition and Suggestions – Sandra Dodd
The Gardener and the Carpenter – Alison Gopnick
What to Do When Strewing is Rejected- Stories of an Unschooling Family
When Our Help and Strewing Are Rejected – Stories of an Unschooling Family
The Big Fib Podcast
Love Languages for Children – Dr. Gary Chapman
Episode 15: Homeschooling Community-Finding, Sustaining and How it Evolves – Everlearning
The time of year leading up to the conventional school year can include mixed emotions. We’re surrounded by back to school focus, fellow home educators talking about their plans and maybe even wondering how we might get to our family’s own aspirations and ideas. Please pull up a chair and listen in as we talk about moving through the fear of missing out.
We Discuss:
How people are talking about planning and curriculum and being ready for the beginning of the school year. It sometimes feels like we must be missing something.
That so much has to do with how we perceive homeschooling and education and the way we go about that so some people‘s actual homeschool styles are going to require more planning than others. It doesn’t necessarily make them better but it’s just kind of the reality of logistics.
Taking personality into consideration rather than making assumptions about homeschool styles
That there isn’t one way of doing things and so just because we see people doing those things doesn’t mean that we are necessarily missing out if we don’t. It also doesn’t mean that our kids are necessarily missing out if we don’t.
Adventure lists, project lists, joy lists and compiling of ideas and plans with flexibility built in
Marketing in Back to School sales that promote the idea of a new and fresh start
Centering of school and Back to School in kids’ books, shows and movies and how that doesn’t always resonate for homeschool families – finding our own norms
Acknowledging that our kids will be missing out on things no matter what decisions we make – school or not, particular homeschool style, our particular location
That it’s okay not to do “all the things” whether that’s following the Olympics or taking advantage of traditional fall activities or anything else
Practical ways to work through feeling grief or uncertainty about the first day of school or various milestones like school pictures, riding in the bus, track and field.
The idea of “what enough is” and looking very intentionally at how rich everyday life can be
The school year as simply an extension of what you’re already doing and both the ordinary and extraordinary things you’re enjoying.
Marking down the ordinary things on the calendar as a way of noting the regular abundance of our lives
Taking “stock” of the content and process of our week from three perspectives: What do our children bring and initiate? What do we? What do the natural happenings of life? Is there an area we’d like to pay more attention to?
Challenging common assumptions about linear or standardized learning and developmental stages
Potential fear of missing out on what we had intended to bring to parenting, so actually missing out on the implementation of our own ideas
Abundant family living on a budget – ways for home education to be as accessible as possible
Resources:
Taking a Kinder Path – 4 lists to liven up your home ed days (And keep you on track for a life you love)
Taking a Kinder Path – Joy lists: A Home Education Essential (what they are, why you should have one and how to get started)
Taking a Kinder Path – Home Ed Resources – Read-aloud round-up 2021 (gorgeous gift ideas with)
Taking a Kinder Path – 13 Best-Year-Yet Resources for Home-Ed Planning
Taking a Kinder Path – New to home education – Your first week
Life is Already Full – Moving Away from the Fear of Missing Out
Are we Looking from the Perspective of a Child?
A Piece of Ordinary
Abundant Family Living on a Budget
Episode 16: Lists or Not – How Do We and Those We Love Keep Organized?
Episode 25: Self-Directed Learning Beyond Acadmics
A Lifetime for Learning – Parents Don’t Need to Offer Everything
Homeschooling Terms that Crept Up on Me…Confessions of an Early 2000s Homeschooling Mum
Episode 26: Fear of Missing Out The time of year leading up to the conventional school year can include mixed emotions. We’re surrounded by back to school focus, fellow home educators talking about their plans and maybe even wondering how we might get to our family’s own aspirations and ideas. Please pull up a […]
Often when self-directed learning or home education in general is discussed, the focus is on skills that are considered academic or subject-oriented such as reading, writing, mathematics, science, history and others. However, a growing number of other things such as learning to swim, skate, learn an instrument and drive a car are now assumed to need formal, paid instruction as well. Sometimes this is preferred and beneficial but could some of it be marketing or fear-based? What happens when children learn life skills or pursue interests in their own time or with support from family? Please join us as we discuss a topic that might be of interest regardless of how or where your child is educated. Resources:
Free to Learn – Dr. Peter Gray
The middle-age years can be a challenging time but could they be full of promise and opportunity as well? We loved having Missy Willis of Let ‘em Go Barefoot and Sue Elvis of Stories of an Unschooling Family chat with us about midlife and what the possibilities are if we approach this life stage with an unschooling mindset. Please have a look at the Resources below to link directly to Missy’s essay that inspired the conversation and Sue’s latest unschooling book which challenges us not only with our children’s unschooling but with our own perspective. We hope you’ll enjoy our discussion.Resources:
Embracing Midlife with an Unschooling Mindset – Missy Willis, Let ‘em Go Barefoot Substack
The Unschool Challenge – Sue Elvis
Episode 23: Living Authentically, Confidently and Intentionally – a Conversation About How We Show Up in Our Lives, with Teresa Wiedrick
A few months ago, Teresa Wiedrick shared her experience of her coaching work with homeschool moms and supporting women to get “out of their own way” and it struck a chord. We were so happy to have her chat with us more specifically about living authentically, confidently and intentionally and many of the common themes we might encounter. Teresa’s website, Capturing the Charmed Life, is home to her many offerings such as blogging and coaching as well as her podcast, Homeschool Mama Self-Care. She is also the author of Homeschool Mama Self-Care: Nurturing the Nurturer. Join us around the table as we chat about this important journey!
We Discuss:
The idea of “getting out of our own way” to do the things we’d like to or feel inspired to do
Thoughts around our lives in the areas of authenticity, confidence and intention
How this existential work can be helpful to do at various ages and life seasons for a range of people
Resources:
Capturing the Charmed Life
Homeschool Mama Self-care Podcast, Episode with Teresa and Erin
Homeschool Mama Self-Care: Nurturing the Nurturer, Teresa’s book
Virtual Kitchen Table, Episode 21: Emotional Labour
Virtual Kitchen Table, Episode 22: Does Homeschooling our Children Shape our Identity?
Have you ever thought about your identity as a homeschool parent? We discuss our identities as home educating mothers and the role that home ed plays in how others see us, how we see ourselves and even how our children might see us and themselves. We were so pleased to welcome Brittany Acciavatti to our conversation. You can find Brittany at @britt_acciavatti on Instagram. We Discuss: What it would feel like if our child went to school as far as how we see ourselves, our role, our time? Home education and child development as an actual interest and passion The decision to home educate often being proactive rather than necessarily reactive How life transitions naturally lead us to reflect The potential invisibility of the role of homeschool parent to other people outside of the homeschool world That because it weaves throughout our lives, it sometimes doesn’t seem like a role But also … The pressure sometimes of feeling like an ambassador of the home education world Not pressuring our kids to be ambassadors or perform as a way of defending our choice to home educate or prove how wonderful it is The natural inclination to want to share things we’re excited about, particularly when they are new to us The odd dynamic of wanting to celebrate our kids without boasting about our role, or, conversely, access support for struggles without blaming ourselves - our roles are kind of woven together with our kids in the context of how schooled society sees success and failure The vast amount of personal work and learning that goes into our role, and the potential sense of loss if a child goes to school That our role changes but does not necessarily lessen as kids get into the older years The deep responsibility we feel for our children as we partner with them on this path - there is no external entity to ‘blame’ Protecting them from external assumptions and supporting them as they emerge through various stages, but also recognizing the need to carefully fade back sometimes The importance of our role - needing to be there for those deep and sensitive questions and conversations Finding time for ourselves and having our kids regularly see that - creating space for ourselves That we don’t need to take responsibility for other people’s perceptions or opinions of our roles or identities but we can be gentle with ourselves in how we manage that for ourselves Having collaborative relationships and partnerships with our children and how that can deepen in the older years Excitement for the years ahead and enjoying the collaborative process with our kids Home education as something that we choose, but for kids it is simply their life Our ego - checking ourselves and not taking it personally if our kids are not enjoying things as much as we imagine they might Protecting our identity and acknowledging our insecurity at times, remembering that our kids are coming from a different vantage point from ours as parents Resources: My Very Last First Day of “Not Back to School” - Ever Learning Unschooling Together Community
We had a really interesting conversation about the concept of ‘emotional labour,’ both in the context in which it’s being described in Emotional Labour by Rose Hackman and other writings and podcasts (see Resources), as well as our own concept and ideas about how we see it within family life. Please join us as we come to understand what the term means, how it plays out and the choices we make around it.
We Discuss:
Anticipatory grief and supporting ourselves while we’re supporting others
Holding the perspectives, thoughts and feelings of multiple people within the role of parent – all the pieces we hold at once
How we need to be compassionate with ourselves
Putting language to the familiarity of emotional labour
That emotional labour is truly work which takes skill, effort and time and this explains why we might feel tired
Emotional labour as a primary responsibility for people working in the service industry – keeping people happy
That we begin co-regulating alongside our children as infants and little ones as one of our first forms of emotional labour
The tax on our systems from various personalities and neurology, including our own – it can be genuinely tiring even when we are choosing it
Two layers of consideration – sometimes we have more energy than others to begin with and then we’re also accumulating energy from emotional labour that at some point needs to be discharged
Being open to the individual timing and tools each person needs and uses to move through grief
Improving our emotional skillset toward all people through parenting and home education
Moments of compensation for other people’s lack of emotional labour, whether that’s our children, spouse or others
The social cohesion that results from emotional labour
The ‘hidden’ aspect of emotional labour because so much is in our head
The additional emotional labour often involved for people who are vulnerable in someway to partake in activities – differences of power
The emotional labour involved in facilitating children’s and family social activities
Consent – reflections about pushing past our own consent and that of our child’s to maintain social comfort
Tending first to the person who feels the least safe or most impacted
That it’s okay for people not to be happy all the time and recognizing that we simply can’t be the fixers of all things
Tolerating an array of emotions – in our society, not all emotions are welcome and that can complicate modelling and expression
Recognizing and acknowledging the emotional labour of our children and others as well
Recognizing when we are filtering or editing the expressions of our emotions for other people – putting other people’s emotions ahead of ours and that we can choose to do that and it’s okay, but that it does come at a cost
People having the opportunity to be on the receiving end of emotional labour as well
The high capacity for men and boys to experience and act through empathy
The social cost that sometimes happens for females when they don’t do the emotional labour that’s expected
People pleasing as currency
The nuances of emotional intelligence and the ways kids develop and show it
Making a choice of how much to give and when not to put others ahead
Seeing emotional labour as truly valuable, not just expected
Giving ourselves grace and creating room for our own rest, time and care
Resources:
Emotional Labour – Rose Hackman
Sage Family podcast – Rachel Rainboldt
Fed Up – Gemma Hartley
The Powerful Purpose of Introverts – Holley Gerth
If you’ve been in the homeschooling world for long, you’ll likely have come across the word ‘deschooling’ and may understand it in the context of children having time and space to get in touch with their natural curiosity and learning. Soon enough, it becomes clear that more of the work in this area is actually for parents. We continue deschooling but this almost always plays out imperfectly. Missteps are inevitable. Join us as we discuss how our bigger picture intentions seem to still shine, and we share ideas about how we can have compassion for ourselves in the midst. We so appreciated being joined by Esther Jones of The Unschool Space podcast and A Place on a Hill blog, which can be found along with her workshops and offerings to parents at www.esther-jones.com.
We Discuss:
How deschooling is not a linear process
That moments of resistance can be the learning moments
Getting curious rather than being too hard on ourselves
How deschooling perfectly is actually an oxymoron of sorts
Noticing some of the places we get caught up by the physical sensations we experience
Seeing external expectations as almost a third person in the relationship with our children
Outer opinions and pressures pulling us back in our process
Getting comfortable with imperfection, for our kids and for us
Finding our own strategies when we’re feeling shaky about things
That having expanded our own ideas about a range of possibilities as home educating families, people might feel reassured talking to us about their own kids’ paths and choices
Being easy on ourselves about how early messaging we received runs deep and can be very disconnecting from our physical processes and inner knowing
That as parents, we might have some bits of resentment that we didn’t have the same degree of choice and acceptance in our choices that our children have
All the messages that we carry into adulthood and how we can be thoughtful about how we model that for our kids
Self-compassion as being key both for ourselves and in our modelling for our kids
Our kids as a barometer to our intentions, helping us be aware of potential manipulation
Personality differences between kids and how they mirror or don’t mirror our intentions back to us
Feeling pressure to “fully deschool” and then making changes more quickly than is ideal
Wrestling between one’s intuition and external information/deschooling
Considering how we best live as a starting point rather than getting too attached to a particular label
That we can keep checking our responses and reactions
Taking note of resistance
Understanding that everyday is a new piece of work to navigate relationship and communication; there will be disconnecting moments and opportunity for repair
The potential for us to feel frustrated toward home ed books and blogs when things aren’t turning out the way “they said it would”
That our certainty can pull us away from the vastness of possibility
How we can trust that our children have wonderful ideas, skills and knowledge to bring to a situation and actually take the pressure off ourselves a bit
That when we bump into an edge, we can stay with it as long as we need to. It’s okay to take the time to work through
The idea of saying “yes” more is not quite so straightforward and that our kids can often read when a “yes” is not an authentic one and can actually better under consent when they see some authentic “nos” modelled as well
Unravelling gently
That we can take some time to make a decision and can communicate that with our kids
That imperfections and working things through flexibly actually help our kids to be well-equipped and self-aware
Resources:
Esther Jones blog, podcast and offerings
Virtual Kitchen Table Episode #14: Kids and Screens, Pondering Digital Tech From a Few Angles – Part One
Episode 19: Home Ed Labels and Jargon: Sorting Them Through
If we’ve been in the world of home education for some time, we are likely accustomed to a variety of terms that might not be familiar to others, but even then, we often interpret things differently. Join as we explore a variety of terms such as deschooling, unschooling, strewing, gameschooling, project-based learning and more and dig into what they mean to each of us.
We Discuss:
What does ‘unschooling’ mean?
The beauty of different terms but acknowledging their incompleteness
Unschooling as a way of life that reflects the way we interact and learn rather than a method
Acknowledging the usefulness of the term “unschooling” to help us connect with others and the information
Using a term that links to our particular situation
Who is leading? Child-led learning doesn’t mean child-run family
The need to acknowledge the power we inherently have as parents and how we discharge that power
The link between respect and responsibility
That independence doesn’t need to be forced
Potential meanings behind different terminology
Leadership and power can be good things when people aren’t grappling from a point of scarcity
‘Big Juicy Conversations’ – Conversation as a Tool
Project-Based Learning
Gameschooling – varying perspectives and various possibilities
Stealth or sneaky learning
Strewing
To what degree we are true to a particular label
Labels as having both the potential to unite or divide, include or exclude
How holding tight to labels or trying to fit into a label can end up diluting the framework in some ways
The variety of ways we can look at the same word
Resources:
Understanding Unschooling, Ever Learning
What is Unschooling? Part 3, Myths and Misconceptions, Taking a Kinder Path
Unschooling – What’s in a Name? Ever Learning
Unschooling is not “Child-Led Learning,” Pam Sorooshian
Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers, Gordon Neufeld, Gabor Mate M.D.
Unschooling: A Voyage of Discovery, Taking a Kinder Path
The Unschool Space – Putting Relationship First
Exploring Unschooling, Unschooling as a Lifestyle, Episode 251
Project-Based Homeschooling: Mentoring Self-Directed Learners,Lori Pickert
My Little Poppies – Cait Curley
Homeschooling Terms that Crept Up on Me … Confessions of an Early 2000s Homeschooling Mom, Ever Learning
Unschooling Together Community
Episode 18: What is Unschooling and How Does it Work?
We Discuss:
The origin of the term “unschooling” as we understand it
Different paths to unschooling - our own experiences
The assumption of school as the default
Respectful/Attachment parenting as a pipeline to unschooling
Whether we use the term unschooling to describe what we’re doing
Whether home education culture has moved more toward labels
Respecting children as whole people and the difficulties that can come up in school settings
Radical Unschooling - duh, duh, duh
Freedom for children and arbitrary requirements
The nice thing about being on the other end of parenting and observing how things play out
That challenges and failings of systems don’t necessarily reflect the teachers and assistants who work there
How learning happens naturally all the time and we couldn’t stop it if we tried (looking at the world’s inventions and discoveries show us this)
Failing as an important part of learning and how one person’s discovery is often built upon another person’s previous one
Living, learning and exploring naturally have been common to all cultures and times - it just happened to be coined by John Holt to explain the way we understand it after years of standardized schooled assumptions
Whether learning needs to be painful and the ways our views have changed about that over time
The fear that children won’t learn and how learning actually happens as a by-product of life rather than learning being for learning’s sake
That learning isn’t always about utility but we never know where a thread is going to lead
How coercion creates resistance and the differences between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation
The goal doesn’t need to be to learn ‘it all.’ We don’t need to stuff learning in.
That gaps in learning are not only by normal, but opportunities for growth. We don’t want a standardized world - variances are needed.
The often random and changing standards of school
How this way of living really keeps us in our toes and imagining things from our kids’ perspectives
The ways autonomy leads to deep learning
An experience with a young adult identifying their own gaps and what their reaction has been. What is our responsibility as a parent?
Resources:
John Holt
Dr. Peter Gray
Taking a Kinder Path (for ourselves, our children and the world)
Episode 17: Being Intentional about the Holidays - Ideas for Thoughtful Families
We’re talking about holidays and gatherings in this episode, digging into what helps families make the most of their time together! As we head into a season that can be quite full for many, we share ideas about intention, choice, communication and building in rest and open time.
We were so happy to have Pam Laricchia and Anna Brown from Living Joyfully join us to share their insight and experience. Pam and Anna have a course, Navigating Family Gatherings that, while relevant to gatherings at any time of year, might be particularly timely to many right now. You can also hear more from Pam and Anna on the Exploring Unschooling podcast, the Living Joyfully podcast, and in the Living Joyfully Network.
We Discuss:
The power of being intentional
Understanding that we have a choice, even if something feels really obligatory. We can make decisions that feel more comfortable to us … “choices within choices”
Being a host who helps people feel comfortable, welcomed and accommodated
Food! Most get-togethers and parties involve food so thinking through how our kids respond to different types of food, intervals between food, blood sugars, energy levels, etc
Including our kids in planning conversations in whichever ways feel like a fit
Absorbing any comments or difficult moments that might be directed toward our children as we’ve done some preparatory work to be well-resourced
The many possibilities of what we can bring with us (books, games, toys) as options for our families and others
Remembering that people want things to go well and want people to enjoy themselves - coming in with positive energy
Navigating the common “homeschooling question” and ideas for doing that taking context into consideration.
How to help facilitate conversations about our kids’ interests and what they’re up to if they want to share with people
Practical ways of sharing what our homeschooling kids are up to
Possibilities for helping engage other people - kids and adults - showing interest in them and finding out more about them as well!
Building in open time and rest before, during and after the holidays and how beautiful that downtime can be … weaving the decompression throughout
Communicating with our kids about how they are feeling, what they’re anticipating, how they might feel after a holiday or event
Choice again! Playing with ideas around options when the choice isn’t feeling clear. Sometimes it might be helpful to imagine what we’d do “if” we have a choice and we may be surprised what comes up
What is the role of lists in our lives? How do we each make lists, or not? Is list-making essential to organization or are there other ways to plan and keep intentional about things? How are our personalities and learning styles and those of our children reflected in the way we each make sense of information and understanding ideas in our lives? Is there a societal bias toward certain styles of organization and even organization itself? And could list-making be deeper and more creative than imagined? Please join us as we dive into a topic that seems practical at first glance but took us into some interesting discussion.We Discuss:
Kinds of lists – Joy, Adventure, Project
What is the relationship between the way we organize information and what helps us individually? What overwhelms us?
How do we organize information if we don’t use lists?
Prioritizing responsibilities to other people over our own things
Hands-on lists and mental lists versus written lists
“Stacking lists”
The role of personality in the way we plan and keep track of things. What is our tolerance for change or a need to pivot?
The link between list-making and how we individually process things – internal versus external and somewhere in between
Verbal processing versus written lists
The way that lists can help in an unschooling life to see new ideas as invitations
That lists aren’t necessarily “to do” lists, but can also be a sort of menu
Our children seeing their input as respected when it’s written down
Family culture – the very different ways that each family and family member processes things
The danger of lists? Too much planning, not enough action?
Planning in unschooling? Sometimes there’s actually more organizational skill involved!
Self-directed learning as a process that makes use many planning tools
How a loosely held list can be a sort of “living document”
“Planning for personalities” in our families
Societal biases toward certain styles of planning
Planning and lists for self-care
List-making as a recipe for disappointment depending on how we see it. How do we remain forward-thinking and plan for our kids and also let go of the outcome?
Could a list be seen as brainstorming?
Lists as ways to be helpful and pass on information to other people
“Not to do” lists as an idea!
Resources
Joy Lists: A Home Education Essential – Taking a Kinder Path
The Four Tendencies Gretchen Rubin
How Do Unschoolers Plan and Record Learning? Happiness is Here
Self-Soothing checklists – Taking a Kinder Path
Homeschool communities and groups – Do we need to join one? Should we start one? How do we consider changes to both communities and our family over time? We were so grateful to have Kendel from @spark.to.flame.homelearning on Instagram to share her insight and experience with facilitating a local home ed group with us as we discussed each of our own thoughts and experiences. We invite you to join in for a listen!
We Discuss:
Homeschool community as a help to confidently beginning the home ed journey, although not a necessity
New families who began to homeschool during the pandemic – accepted or not into pre-pandemic groups?
Navigating the choices (co-ops, forest schools, field trips, lessons, get-togethers with families)
Being welcomed as pivotal to our overall feeling about home education
Moving away from the “right” answer for a homeschool group because families, communities and needs evolve
Children developing friendships based on what we’d like in our lives in a similar way that adults do
The unique bonding that can develop over time between homeschool peers, possibly because of such a degree of open time together
Children being valued by other kids because they are seen as being so valued by their parents.
Joining a community as a way of giving shape to the week
Differences between the dynamics of the groups
The challenges among families and organizers of operating by consensus (even though it is still ultimately positive!)
Whether we cling to homeschool connections!
How open or not to keep our communities? The potential for exclusion and at the same time, for pushing children to include beyond what they are comfortable with
Forest schools, parent-led and facilitator-led
Shared ideas of what to do when children have different needs or preferences of going to a group event
Really letting children have their feelings about whether or not they want to be there and finding ways to make a special or comfortable aspect for them
Having first hand experiences at a young age of navigating and working things out creatively
Discussing ahead of time, being honest about how everyone is feeling
How kids having their emotions validated helps them learn so much about themselves
No set outcomes and relinquishing control
Not “punishing” kids for having a good time in the sense of saying “I told you so”
Being clear with ourselves about what we are looking to get out of homeschool community
Moving away from the expectation of a homeschool community utopia
The hope for more homeschool families over time
And more … !
Resources:
Spark To Flame Homelearning
Virtual Kitchen Table Episode #3: Choice in Education, Living and Learning in Community
Virtual Kitchen Table Episode #13: Socialization and Homeschooling, Exploring it from Different Angles
Kiki and the Wildlings Instagram
Home Educating Wildlings
Conversation continued from Part One …
Screen time is a big topic. The world has become increasingly digital and parents are trying to make caring and thoughtful decisions amidst many sources of advice, often contrary to one another. This is the first part of our conversation, thinking through and pondering our own experiences and we would love you to join us! We were thrilled to be joined at the “table” by Missy Willis of the podcast and blog Let ‘em Go Barefoot. Missy is a long-time unschooling parent, a former special education teacher and now the co-author of Life Unschooled, A Guide to Living and Learning Without School. She has a wealth of experience and wisdom that she humbly and helpfully shares. Enjoy!
We Discuss: Can gaming in fact strengthen cognitive processes?
How being in a place of joy or flow can really accelerate learning and integrate learning
Using gaming as a way to check out or cope with something deeper – when it can it be helpful
That it’s easier for kids to be open if they are experiencing something uncomfortable or overloading related to technology if they feel they will still have choices
Big emotions – could games be an opportunity to practice those and feel those out in a safe space? But maybe dysregulating at times for other kids?
The feedback loop that naturally happens when kids get to practice their “big feelings” and find out what is tolerated by other kids or peers and what important learning that is
Young children and screens – what do we think?
How children’s TV can actually be a springboard to all sorts of other activity, learning and creativity
Bringing in technology as a tool in uncomfortable and sensory overloading situations, noting societal judgement about that
Neurodivergence and screens – tapping into various ways of looking at things
That we can bring in more joy and connection and leaning toward what our kids are into rather than going straight to taking away
The polarity that is sometimes drawn between outdoor time and technology
The importance and beauty of human connection and sensory input for young children and how they are likely to naturally seek those out, hopefully with parents present and undistracted
Social media, peers and teens – the relevance of relationships to family established in earlier years to draw back to
The feeling of wanting to reel things back in through control as parents and what we might do instead
Being on the “same side” as our kids and figuring out the challenges of social media
Time. 🙂 We can slow down and think it through
Resources: Let ‘em Go Barefoot podcast, blog and community – Missy Willis
Psychology Today, Peter Gray article
Stories of an Unschooling Family article by Sue Elvis
A Hunter-Gatherer’s Guide to the 21st Century; Evolution and the Challenges of Human Life, Heather Heying and Bret Weinstein
Hold Onto Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers – Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate
Dr. Gabor Mate article, excerpt from A Postscript from the Digital Age, The Digital Revolution Bent out of Shape
- Photo by Missy Willis
Episode #14: Kids and Screen Time: Pondering Digital Technology From a Few Angles: Part One
Screen time is a big topic. The world has become increasingly digital and parents are trying to make caring and thoughtful decisions amidst many sources of advice, often contrary to one another. This is the first part of our conversation, thinking through and pondering our own experiences and we would love you to join us! We were thrilled to be joined at the “table” by Missy Willis of the podcast and blog Let ‘em Go Barefoot. Missy is a long-time unschooling parent, a former special education teacher and now the co-author of Life Unschooled, A Guide to Living and Learning Without School. She has a wealth of experience and wisdom that she humbly and helpfully shares. Enjoy!
We Discuss:
How this conversation is a learning opportunity for all of us
The “shift” that has happened in a relatively short time in relation to concerns about screens/digital tech and the growing sources of information and opinion, often contrary to one another.
How “unlimited screens” are often associated with radical unschooling, but not that many years ago, families of various kinds seem to have been less rule-oriented in relation to technology
That it’s okay to be wondering and thinking through how things are working for our families
How using something as a treat, reward or seeing it as a “forbidden fruit” can create a sort of a drive toward it
Joining our children – taking the opportunity to try out being in their world and seeing more of what they’re into
We can let our child know we need a bit of time to understand better before making a decision, reflect a bit more, be honest that we don’t always have the answers – in this way we show humility
How having some really open time and space to do something is the only real way for kids to learn more about themselves and the limits and conditions that work for them
The potential loss of connection with older generations when kids dive more deeply into technology
An abundance mindset rather than a scarcity one, allowing children to really be generous and flexible in sharing common devices or making some compromises to their time.
How communicating and problem-solving together rather than having a standard rule not only takes more effort and leads to developing greater skill for the parent, but for the child too.
Grace. Remembering that we are all trying our best, working together and navigating things as we can
Resources:
Letemgobarefoot Instagram
Game On! : Missy Willis, Let ‘ Em Go Barefoot
What Worries Me About Fortnite (and 9 Reasons Not to Limit Children’s ‘Screentime.’ : Hayley, Taking a Kinder Path
- Photo by Missy Willis
Socialization and Homeschooling, Exploring it from Different Angles: Part Two
Our conversation continued … (listen to Part One here)
Socialization and homeschooling is unarguably a common topic. It might be considered the proverbial thorn in a homeschool parent’s side. But what do we mean by socialization anyway? Maybe there are a few ways to examine it. We were so grateful to have Kiki from @kikiandthewildlings and www.educatingwildlings.co.uk join us and offer her perspective and experience. Please join us as we talk about this common, yet multi-faceted, topic. We had a few technical difficulties this time, but if you bear with us, we think the content is worth it. 🙂
We Discuss:
The ability for kids to be comfortably playful until an older age when in mixed age groups
Expansive time for unstructured play
Intergenerational socializing
Deeper, evolving levels of flow with long periods of free play (often with a bit of support partway through)
Kids having opportunity to come in and out of play, jump in quickly or ease in slowly
The frustration for kids of having their flow or gameplay interrupted in a school structure
How young children might have a sense of civility and social skill that’s actually lacking in the school system (eg. a young boy questioning why the teachers don’t simply ask the children to come in from recess rather than summon with a loud bell)
The teen years/adolescence as somewhat of a social construct
The importance for teens of feeling they are contributing and doing meaningful things
The increasing “red tape” and bureaucracy involved in many opportunities for mentorships or apprenticeships
Valuing a teen’s own pace of choosing not to rush into independence
Defining maturity – depends what we mean by that word
The different directions home educating teens are moving in from a time perspective that can make it difficult to find ways to connect with one another
The idea of home educating with an eye to putting kids in school at some point – can you fully deschool and embrace this life?
Whether nostalgia plays a role in parents feeling more comfortable with their children in traditional social settings – prom, teams, formal graduation
Integrating into school after homeschooling
How we don’t always know what an individual teenager’s social needs are – they don’t always fit the stereotypes
The milestones and assumptions that people project onto teens that are actually more reflective of unresolved things from their own adolescence than of what’s necessary for a particular teen
Resources:
Educating Wildlings Podcast and Blog
Why You Truly Never Leave High School, New York Mag
Socialization and homeschooling is unarguably a common topic. It might be considered the proverbial thorn in a homeschool parent’s side. But what do we mean by socialization anyway? Maybe there are a few ways to examine it. We were so grateful to have Kiki from @kikiandthewildlings and www.educatingwildlings.co.uk join us and offer her perspective and experience. Please join us as we talk about this common, yet multi-faceted, topic. We had a few technical difficulties this time, but if you bear with us, we think the content is worth it. 🙂
We Discuss:
What the word socialization means and the different ways we think about it
That this is a conversation that unites people from many styles of home education – how are kids socialized outside of school
How socialization isn’t something to really be formally taught as much as it to be learned naturally through modelling and life experience
How some kids are naturally quick at “reading the room” and others take longer or see things differently depending, and this is the case with many people regardless of where they go to school
Whether we can really consider school “the real world”
The qualities we respect in adults – often they are creativity, resourcefulness, problem-solving – and how those are often best developed outside the box of prescribed systems
That school is great for socialization into school itself and similar settings, but not always so useful in others
Social discernment and how that’s impacted by the messaging that everyone in the class is your friend
Conversing with kids about what a friend means to them and being curious about different ways of being friends and holding relationships of different kinds
Whether it’s necessary for homeschool families to have a community – variations in social needs for kids and not just socializing for the sake of it
The emotional intensity that can sometimes be part of home ed socializing (if you know, you know!) and figuring out what works for our families
The nuances of homeschool social time – the skill development and perseverance that it takes as parents to sort through, build connections, etc
That it can be hard! Sometimes parents gel but kids don’t or vice versa
The common ways that adults form friendships
The difficulty with extreme peer-orientation
The idea of bullying being normalized
Older adults and connections with a range of ages as rich opportunities for kids and having the time to nurture those
Resources:
Educating Wildlings Podcast and Blog
Let ‘Em Go Barefoot
Inner Parent Coaching
Socialisation – A Nuanced Topic, Erin, Ever Learning
Home Education Worries: Will They Learn How to Queue? Hayley, Taking a Kinder Path
The Worst Parenting Advice Ever: You Can’t Be Friends With Your Kids, Hayley, Taking a Kinder Path
Why My Kids Will Never Be Socialized, Jennifer McGrail, The Path Less Taken
Unschooling Together Community
Perspectives on Self-care – For Our Children, For Ourselves What is self-care anyway? In this episode we discuss the different things it means to different people, how we consider it during busy parenting seasons and, woven into the conversation, what does our children’s self-care look like? How do we support it? We were thrilled to have Alice Griffin of Wandering Alice join us again, as she has supported many people in their self-care journeys and brings a beautiful, peaceful perspective. Alice’s writing, courses and offerings can be found at http://www.alicegriffin.co.uk/. She is on Facebook, YouTube and Instagram. Why not join us for a gentle, refreshing hour + of conversation about the joy of taking care of ourselves, even in the midst of busy family life? We Discuss: What self-care looks and feels likeThe rising popularity of the term self-care in home education. What does it mean? How do we feel about it?Filling our cup so that we can fill the cups of others Changing family rhythms over time – eg. reframing nap times as quiet times and maintaining the idea of available rest time for anyone, adults included ‘Sites of mutual fulfillment’ – finding those places where both parent and child can enjoy themselves and relaxThe ideas of things like read-alouds and cloud-gazing as a reset and communicating openly with our children that we all might need to rest and regroup sometimes – collective self-care How sometimes it’s actually connection with our family that we need rather than alone time or a break That connection doesn’t have to be presence – it can be an offer of presence Finding a special piece for ourselves to enjoy in something that we aren’t looking forward to or that wasn’t our choice to do The role of gratitude and appreciation Reframing household and practical tasks from a perspective of gratitude, such as imagining the person whose piece of clothing we are folding and how much we love themMoving away from the idea of efficiency at all times – allowing ourselves to enjoy things even if they slow us down or aren’t entirely necessary (lingering during a decluttering task to enjoy nostalgic things we come across) Deschooling as an act of self-care Loving our children as we would have liked to have been loved – the healing power of parenting Our children and their own self-care Recognizing inherent triggers and challenges – the more we are a safe place for our children, the more they will bring to us and we can love and feel grateful for that How children are often really good at meeting their owns needs Being intentional and mindful of who and what we surround ourselves with People needing permission and invitation to step back and come back into themselves (permission to care for themselves)How physical illness, crisis and external events are often the only way for people to have a socially acceptable restThat kids taking time and space for themselves to pay attention to their needs can actually lead to compassion rather than lack of consideration for others Resources Mentioned or Recommended: http://www.alicegriffin.co.uk/https://alice-griffin-s-school.teachable.com/https://youtube.com/@wanderingalicehttps://lulastic.co.uk/parenting/sites-mutual-fulfillment/https://takingakinderpath.com/benefits-of-a-good-cry/https://takingakinderpath.com/self-soothing-checklists-secret-to-raising-mood-and-energy-levels-fast/
How Much Novelty Do Our Kids Need? (Maybe)
How much novelty do children need? How much do we need and how do we work it out within a family rhythm? Although we realize each person is individual, it’s something we’ve noticed involves observing and listening, planning and yet holding those plans loosely. We are considering time out versus time at home, outdoor time versus indoor, social opportunities versus being alone. How much money to spend in order for our children to have a rich life? How many new ideas? How much to strew in comparison to what the natural flow of life presents? And maybe most importantly, what helps us to slow down to support the novelty our kids naturally find themselves? Please join us as we ponder!
We Discuss:
Observing our children, from even an infant stage, and understanding cues over time for seeking or avoiding stimulation
How being a new parent at home with a baby brings with it a different level of freedom, but also responsibility
How going decades with having time structured for us can diminish the natural sense of our own needs and preferences
Yet also ..
The possibility of finding it easier to be creative within parameters
That we can’t stockpile novel experiences. It’s about the flow rather than the quantity
How trust and safety are important for learning as well novelty. We need brain space to digest and process - a balance between comfort and peace and novelty and newness
That novelty doesn’t have to be massive and we don’t have to change everything - it can be a new food or new supermarket or driving home a different way
The tendency to overcompensate as home educating parents in order to provide “enough”’
How we, as parents, aren’t actually responsible for absolutely everything
Three kinds of novelty: what things we bring/strew, what things kids initiate themselves, what opportunities life offers
Micro experiences within regular rhythms that actually bring in novelty within the routine
Parental narration as a way of naturally showing the potential wonder in life - being a model of curiosity and gratitude
The outdoors as a form of free, accessible novelty
Small sensory changes as novel - a change of pace coming from in or out doors
How kids are very good at finding their own novelty
Adding abundance to our calendar by plugging the natural or requested things in on the front end
When we really tune in and remain present, things and people are more interesting than we might think. People who live a rushed life may need to seek out more novelty in less natural ways
Doing familiar things (board games, jigsaw puzzles) in new environments and vice versa with new or returning things in familiar spaces
Trusting that people know what their own systems need and that we can support them to figure that out if it’s not quite connecting somehow
Boredom - different perspectives and assumptions. Interesting!
How life is rich - novelty is inevitable if we’re tuned in
Resources:
Clubhouse Strewing Conversation
Unschooling Together Community
Home educating while travelling can play out in a variety of ways and is different for each family. It often brings to mind the idea of high excitement and far-flung locations. While that sometimes might be true, there are other styles of adventure as well.
It was an absolute joy to have Alice Griffin joy us for a conversation about what family travel looks like in her family and how it weaves together beautifully with home education. Alice has a website alicegriffin.co.uk and is on instagram @wanderingalice
We Discuss:
The idea of “wandering” and slow travel rather than exotic trips
Coming across different people and hearing various ways of doing things, seeing what resonates in choosing our home education paths
Following passions and deep dives, soaking things up, supporting and facilitating learning
The central role that nature can play in daily life and the ease of access to the outdoors when living in campers or boats
How an unconventional life can open up flexibility to actually build and maintain community and relationships with extended family in a different way than a “regular” 9-5 sort of life
How families communicate and find consensual ways of travel and decision-making
Travel with pets and considering their needs as well
The importance of self-reflection and humility
How travel or living closely together can lead to working together and a natural division of labour
The possibility that battles and conflict over chores and roles might be somewhat of a modern conversation given that they were just part of collective living in less modern times
That when we begin to work around each other with open conversation, we develop a mutual respect and rhythm
The adjustments that sometimes need to be made when various people are coming from different directions and trying to move back into a common energy/pace
How home education can feel very pleasant and comfortable as we get into a rhythm as a family, not feeling stressed and pulled in different directions
“Wandering” as an opportunity to connect in natural ways – enjoying each other around a table – and gathering with people of all ages and backgrounds
Finding a home education community when travelling to different places – challenges and possibilities
Wandering as a somewhat different feeling or expectation than how worldschooling is sometimes described
Becoming a tourist in our own town and how we don’t need to be too far from home to have a bit of adventure
The possibility that a simple, but rich, wandering life can be more affordable than people might imagine
Other avenues, beyond lessons and structured activities, for gaining life experiences
Resources:
alicegriffin.co.uk
@wanderingalice
Honey, I’m Homeschooling the Kids podcast
Modern Classics As I Walked Out One Midsummer Morning
Episode 10: Home Ed on the Move – Exploring a Wandering Lifestyle with Alice Griffin Home educating while travelling can play out in a variety of ways and is different for each family. It often brings to mind the idea of high excitement and far-flung locations. While that sometimes might be true, there are … Home Ed on the Move-Exploring a Wandering Lifestyle with Alice Griffin Read More »
Episode #9: Deschooling Through the Lens of The Unschool Challenge – Part Two Our conversation continued … (listen to Part One here) When people first hear the word “deschooling,” they might assume it is all about the children, but they soon realize it can have a whole lot to do with parents as well! … Deschooling Through the Lens of The Unschool Challenge: Part Two Read More »
Episode #9: Deschooling Through the Lens of The Unschool Challenge - Part One
When people first hear the word “deschooling,” they might assume it is all about the children, but they soon realize it can have a whole lot to do with parents as well!
We were so happy to have Sue Elvis join us as we discussed deschooling alongside an overview of her newest book, The Unschool Challenge. Sue has a blog and podcast at Stories of an Unschooling Families. She is also the author of unschooling books: Curious Unschoolers and Radical Unschool Love.
We Discuss:
An overview of The Unschool Challenge and the various ways it can be helpful
The challenges as an invitation to do the work of deschooling, not necessarily in a linear way, but in whatever order and pace works best for an individual parent
Deschooling and Sue’s book aren’t just about kids, but about our own processes as parents as well
Moving forward courageously in endeavours even when we know we’re imperfect, and how deschooling helps us peel back the right answer/wrong answer mentality
How unschooling isn’t quantitative; we can’t deem how successful it is or not using some universal standard
How children are curious and will learn regardless, but the role of deschooling for parents is so substantial
Relationships and connections, and the overflow of this work into our interactions with others, even beyond our children
Differences between what deschooling means when moving toward homeschooling of various styles versus moving toward unschooling - the ideas of unravelling and dismantling rather than just decompressing
Getting to a place where we enjoy and delight in life and learning without thinking of them as separate subjects
That unschooling isn’t just about taking rules and other things away, but also adding things in - more of the beautiful things in life that bring connection, joy and curiosity to our particular family
Being gentle with ourselves - deschooling is slow, individual work
The wonderful thing about questions
The goodness of circling back to things we might have read earlier in our deschooling process to ponder and strengthen or renew our growth.
Resources:
The Unschool Challenge
Unschooling Together Community
The Unschool Space Podcast
Exploring Unschooling Podcast - Episode 251
Episode 8: Do We Deserve Joy? Unpacking Perspectives of Joy in Home Education
Do we deserve to joy? That might sound like a strange question because smiling and happiness are very valued, but it seems sometimes we're less comfortable with deep and ongoing joy. When people make choices that lead in the direction of less stress of more joy, sometimes questions arise. Life if supposed to be tough - who do people think they are living boldy and joyfully? Do we allow ourselves to fully feel joy? And what does this have to do with home education? Please join us as we think it through!
We Discuss:
What the difference might be between happiness and joy
How society places a high value on happiness, but is less comfortable with deep or ongoing joy. Maybe joy is seen as frivolous?
That in fairytales, “Happily Ever After” equals resolution. We tend to think if things are resolved, we will be happy.
How joy can still be present alongside difficulties and even inside the difficulties
How anticipating difficult things later in the day or week can rob us of moments of joy with our children in the present if we’re not intentional
The positive and powerful role of stress when there’s purpose and moderation to it
Lack of joy and stress as default - stress running under the surface as a norm in modern life and how we can notice joy as a way of staying present
The role that school has played in us anticipating or accepting a lack of joy in regard to learning and even daily life
Moving past the guilt of having a joyful life at home during school hours!
The high school years as being an assumed time of high stress and lack of joy. How do we move past that?
The joy of partnership and collaboration in self-directed learning
The link between gratitude and joy - cultivating an attitude of gratitude
Taking the time to say out loud that we are feeling more than one emotion at a time in the presence of our kids
What brings each of our children joy individually and a concrete way of bringing more in for them
Prioritizing joy in our home and family life and building it into our week in regular ways - protecting time
Joy in and as self-care, and protecting mental health for adults and kids alike
Kids reminding us of joy and self-care. We’re models for them and then they are for us.
Whether there is a danger of feeling too much joy. Is it irresponsible?
The cycle of joy -when we’re joyful, perhaps it gives permission for others to be joyful.
Holding space for one child to be in a joyful period of time even as another child might be having a tough time
Accepting that some days we just won’t have the energy to look for joy. Sometimes we’ll feel discomfort.
Resources:
Living Joyfully podcast
Exploring Unschooling podcast
Stories of Unschooling Families Community
Brave Writer Poetry Teatime
Taking a Kinder Path - Joy Lists
Episode 8: Do We Deserve Joy? Unpacking Perspectives of Joy in Home Education Do we deserve to joy? That might sound like a strange question because smiling and happiness are very valued, but it seems sometimes we’re less comfortable with deep and ongoing joy. When people make choices that lead in the direction of … Do We Deserve Joy? Unpacking Perspectives of Joy in Home Education Read More »
Episode #7: Beginning Unschooling During a Pandemic – Part 2This was originally a conversation recorded for and posted to the Stories of Unschooling Families online community in Spring of 2022 and we decided to include it as an episode.
Ashley and Erin had an opportunity to talk to Jenna Reich of Rogue Learner podcast and website and Jenna Reich Photography about Ashley’s and Jenna’s journey into beginning home education, specifically unschooling or self-directed education. This was an interesting opportunity to discuss beginning homeschooling during and/or because of the pandemic with two parents who also happen to have worked in the education system.
We Discuss:Whether beginning homeschooling during a pandemic is easier as far as it being accepted
Being a certified teacher and home educating
How the pandemic gave the space to do research and find what really worked for an individual family
Increased questioning about homeschooling around the time of certain milestones: eg. Kindergarten, Grade One, Junior High years, High school
Explaining what we do (with or without the word “unschooling” and depending on how much time we have, level of listener’s interest)
The benefit of having a spouse working from home during the pandemic giving the opportunity for both parents to see living and learning in action
The explosion of online information from newer home educators and whether people are more confident and knowledgeable in sharing
The role of sharing experience on social media and in online groups
The desire to share as a way of offering possibilities and information to others, but also the consideration of privacy in sharing about one’s family
Home education as just part of a wider life, interconnected with decisions and thinking about other systems
The beauty of having a wide range of voices in the podcasting, blogging, authorship world
Decentering school - supportive and connected parenting regardless of where kids are being educated
Resources mentioned:
Rogue Learner Podcast
The Homeschool Project Podcast
Honey, I’m Homeschooling the Kids Clubhouse
Honey, I’m Homeschooling the Kids Podcast
Kiki and the Wildlings
Exploring Unschooling Podcast
The Unschool Files Podcast
Unschooling School
Beginning Unschooling During a Pandemic: Part One
This was originally a conversation also recorded for and posted to the Stories of Unschooling Families online community in Spring of 2022 and we decided to include it as an episode.
Ashley and Erin have an opportunity to include Jenna Reich of Rogue Learner podcast and website and @jennareich Family Documentary Photography in a conversation about Ashley’s and Jenna’s journey into beginning home education, specifically unschooling or self-directed education. This was an interesting opportunity to discuss beginning homeschooling during and/or because of the pandemic with two parents who began at that time and also happen to have worked as teachers (not currently working in the system)
We Discuss:
How homeschoolers went from sort of being tolerated to being sought out
The initial freedom of learning together as a family to families feeling bogged down by online school
The misunderstanding of what home education is and the mixing that up with online public school
The individual family journeys to home education
Physical symptoms of school anxiety
The reasons for moving into all the way to unschooling rather than a more traditional homeschooling
Whether and when a teaching background has helped or hindered the process
How curriculum can sometimes be used and enjoyable within an unschooling context and how a child’s prior school experience (or not) might be related to how that goes
Recognizing the signs of school trauma that some children experience and the time and space to deschool
The social challenges of homeschooling during the pandemic - the realities of true loneliness
The many nuances of education choices and how choosing school is absolutely one of them
The diminished opportunities for exploring things like museums, galleries, libraries, travel, etc and whether that impacts kids’ perceptions of the homeschooling experience
Resources Mentioned:
Peter Gray - Free to Learn
Stories of Unschooling Families Community
Episode #6: The State of Flow in Learning
It is a fascinating thing to observe our children in a state of flow with their learning. Fully focused and engaged in an interest or task, a sense of time and space is lost as they dive into the deep development of an idea or skill. As adults we can get into a flow state ourselves and it’s interesting to explore the process. Join us as we discuss our observations and ponderings about flow within our families. Maybe something will resonate with you!
We Discuss:
Parents and children immersed in something together – books, games, particular interests and passions
The difference between a state of in-depth, in the moment flow, and a flow that kind of runs continuously below the surface over time
The agelessness of learning and play
The benefit of home education in offering conditions for flow
Needing time, space, freedom of choice and autonomy to come into a state of flow
What do we value in learning? Finished product? Something tangible? Evidence of learning?
How we often process what we’re learning while we’re talking about it later as it comes up naturally
Whether we are sometimes using words like “obsession” when really we’re not used to seeing kids in a state of flow, having that uninterrupted time to complete challenges, to work through things, to create.
Trusting in our children’s process
Layers of learning
Learning in a meditative, comfort state – how what kids are doing might not be fully related to what they’re learning or creating with other parts of the brain (zooming a motorcycle back and forth while writing a story in their head or contemplating things)
Looking at our own learning processes
The intention, spark, motivation or need that enables us to get on the “runway” of flow
Flow that just comes naturally from ourselves as individuals versus flow that comes from diving into something that you are supporting someone else with
Do kids sometimes need/seek out someone to engage with to get into a state of flow? A partnership? Shared flow?
The vulnerability of flow and our role as parents for creating a safe place to get into flow, of having their process respected, free of judgement
The role of movement/kinaesthetic learning in flow
How slowing down is integral to fostering the conditions for deep, authentic learning
The importance of the investment of time
The possibility of collective flow – group or societal learning something together
Whether the push for productivity actually gets in the way of deep learning
How flow is beautiful but can also be intense and challenging
Resources:
Ashley’s Discussion Room on Honey I’m Homeschooling the Kids Clubhouse (Your Home Learning Environment episode)
Unschooling as Flow – Exploring Unschooling Podcast
Living Joyfully website – Pam Laricchia
Kindness and unconditional love are things that most parents hope to have and give to their children. In fact they are valued by almost all people. What do they have to do with unschooling? Join us as we explore what kindness and unconditional love have meant for each of us and the role they might play in our unschooling families.
We were so grateful to have Sue Elvis chat with us about this topic! Sue is the author of Curious Unschoolers andRadical Unschool Love (now in its second edition). She blogs and podcasts at Stories of an Unschooling Family and can be found on Instagram at Stories of an Unschooling Family.
We Discuss:How respectful relationship is not just about outcome – it’s a loving way to interact with our children regardless
That we can be friends with our kids now, even before they are adults
The opportunity as an adult to come to a greater acceptance of ourselves even if we didn’t experience unconditional love and acceptance as children, and the work that it takes
How children have the opportunity of accepting and respecting themselves and the role that we play in that
Looking at academic goals versus relationship and connection – where they differ and do they always need to?
The internal strength and emotional intelligence that can come from experiencing kindness over time
“Stealth learning or “sneaky learning” and how those terms feel in the context of respectful relationship
How the focus is often on whether kids will learn, but really so much of the work and deschooling belongs to the parents, whether it will “work” for the adults
The common idea of “Yes, it was tough, but I survived.”
Praising our children – what do we think about it?
How kindness and unconditional love can weave into our interactions with people of all ages and the positive societal impact that can have.
Resources:Little Hearts/Gentle Parenting Resources, L.R. Knost
Stories of an Unschooling Family blog and podcast
Radical Unschool Love – Second Edition, Sue Elvis
5 Ways to be a Kinder Parent, Taking a Kinder Path blog
Shining our Light: Kindness as Mindset, Ever Learning
Kindness and unconditional love are things that most parents hope to have and give to their children. In fact they are valued by almost all people. What do they have to do with unschooling? Join us as we explore what kindness and unconditional love have meant for each of us and the role they might play in our unschooling families.
We were so grateful to have Sue Elvis chat with us about this topic! Sue is the author of Curious Unschoolers and Radical Unschool Love (now in its second edition). She blogs and podcasts at Stories of an Unschooling Family and can be found on Instagram at Stories of an Unschooling Family.
We Discuss: How attachment/connected parenting sometimes naturally leads to unschooling
What connection kindness might have with unschooling
What connection unconditional love might have with unschooling
Whether focusing on positive and practical things like kindness, unconditional love, trust and curiosity might help unschooling be better understood and considered
That it is never too late to become intentional about being kinder, more loving and more respectful with our teens and young adults; an unconditional and curious mindset can still begin with people of any age
Standing up for our children regardless of the opinions of others
Power with rather than power over
Abundance versus scarcity mindset
The deep and ongoing work of deschooling
How many people seem to have had painful experiences with parents and feel they don’t measure up
That parents generally want the best for their children and the challenges of finding what that is in the midst of all the voices
Parenting from a place of connection, respect and trust whether children are at school or home educating; parents can still follow as many unschooling principles as are possible
Resources: Radical Unschool Love – Second Edition, Sue Elvis
Stories of an Unschooling Family blog and podcast
Exploring Unschooling Podcast: Stories of an Unschooling Family with Sue Elvis
Taking a Kinder Path blog
Dr. Bill Sears
Dr. Peter Gray – Free to Learn
When things are rosy and our days seem to flow, it’s easy to feel confident and comfortable in the choice to be a home educating family. During harder times, it can feel shaky. Parents want to bring their best for their child but sometimes life circumstances make that challenging. What happens then? How do we ask for support? What does self-care look like? What growth do we notice in our children and families during and after these times? What difficulties? Join us as we shake off the “perfect home education family” image and dig into the ebbs and flows of living and learning together.
We were so grateful to have Kiki from Kiki and the Wildlings (on Instagram) join us for this conversation. You can hear and read more of Kiki’s thoughts on her own podcast and blog, Educating Wildlings.
We Discuss: The helpfulness of acknowledging and hearing others express that there are difficult times
Whether home ed parents feel additional pressure to “hold it all together” because there are already doubts from others as to whether homeschooling “works” and whether they can do it
Asking for and accepting help and support
The assumption that school is the default if a family is having a difficult time
Parenting without having extended family close by
Trusting (or not) other people to provide respectful care to our children
Finding and noticing “sites of mutual fulfilment” (a nod to Lucy Aitken-Reed for that term)
That self-care doesn’t necessarily mean we need to be away from our children, building it into our daily rhythm
That leaning into our connection with our family can be healing and comforting for all and draw us closer
Modelling to children that we have passions, interests and also needs
Types of rest and practices of self-care
Being honest with children that we are having difficult times; it normalizes vulnerability and the need for help from one another
What we notice in our children during difficult times – resilience, strength and new or uncovered skills and characteristics
How sometimes difficult times do affect children in negative ways and letting go of being able to fully control and be responsible for that
How over time we become more confident that learning will be happening regardless of circumstances
Giving our children space to really feel what they feel
Resources Mentioned: Unschooling Stanley (Instagram)
What are Sites of Mutual Fulfilment? Something Parents Need More of, That’s What –www.lulastic.co.uk
Sacred Rest: Recover Your Life, Renew Your Energy, Restore Your Sanity– Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith (includes description of the seven types of rest)
19 benefits of a good cry: the comforting case for crying (and why it’s good for us) – www.takingakinderpath.com
And as a bonus:
Self-soothing checklists: the secret to raising our mood and energy levels fast – www.takingakinderpath.com
Most families find their children are happier and healthier when the place they spend their days is a good fit for who they are. For some children, this might be a public school. However, for many others, it isn’t. What learning opportunities already exist in our communities? How can home educating parents and other interested people collaborate with community spaces to offer even more? Could society itself use some deschooling? How might this play out for different families and even people across the lifespan and socioeconomic range, to really tap into opportunities for living and learning for all? Join us as we explore some thoughts, at least scratching the surface, about the possibilities of education that happens beyond a building.
We discuss: How libraries are wonderful places, often offering more than people realize.
Community spaces are still quite centered around the school schedule and the school year
The benefit of spaces that include a few things such as a playground, sports area, library, maker space, cafe and others
The changing landscape of home education, from grass roots DIY homeschool groups to sometimes more of a ‘contracting out’
The potential difficulty with social exclusivity in homeschooling when the pool of families is too small
That sometimes there is groundwork that needs to be done in homeschool connections to community spaces. There are benefits to the community doing the inviting, but also an importance to parents being instrumental.
The loss of some overlap between new and experienced homeschool parents as a result of the pandemic as far as guiding and organizing
The misunderstanding that developed about what home education is from so many children doing virtual school at home
Supporting places such as sports and art classes and libraries to figure out what families are wanting, helping them to “deschool” what they offer and collaborating with grace and patience on both sides
The way that societal expectations of standard paths and success don’t match what works for many people and what they are actually doing.
When programs and places such as forest schools are open to hearing children’s ideas as well, great things can happen and the organizers learn oodles from the kids.
Lifespan views – looking at how we accept freedom at various life stages, particularly the senior years
Loosening our grip on how we see success on a whole lot of levels … would that change the way we think about earlier learning?
Democratic schools, self-directed learning centres and private schools and how they fit well for some families and not as well for others
The beauty of multi-age learning and interaction, and ways of making education spaces more family-informed
Flexi schooling – where it’s worked and where it hasn’t.
How sometimes it’s easier to support our child in joining an existing volunteer opportunity than to try to start a new initiative
How maybe we don't need to be so heavy with curating and setting up opportunities if kids have access to meaningful, purposeful work
The possibility of extending more funding to community and family learning
Resources Mentioned:
Dr. Peter Gray – Libraries as Centres for Self-Directed Education
Forest School Movement
Living Joyfully Podcast – Episode 321
Democratic schools
Teacher Tom
Episode #2: Unschooling A-ha Moments
When families begin an unschooling way of life, they often dig into all the resources – books, articles, blogs, podcasts, social media, in-person connections – and gather as much information as they can. Then, over time, they begin to develop awareness's of their own from actually living this life with their family. Some of this new information might be specific to their particular family, but often others can relate as well. Join us at our Virtual Kitchen Table as we share the “a-ha” moments that have come up for each of us over time and realize that many them are relevant to us all.
We discuss:
How the time we spend with children changes as they get older, but it’s not necessarily less
The realization that conversation is one of the most important learning tools
Quantity of time can be just as important as quality and, in fact, having that margin can lead to rich, quality time
The fact that you don’t have to be an expert and that learning can be a shared and enjoyable experience
Unschooling kids can and do sometimes choose structured or academic courses either by necessity, passion or learning style
The art of understanding strewing and intuition in relation to individual personalities
The way unschooling allows us to slow down, be very present and live intentionally, enabling us to live in line with the needs and interests of the people in our families
The continued relationships in families rather than something that ends at 18. It substantially changes the way parents look at the world and opens up a deeper joy of living and learning
Children realizing that adults don’t know everything and don’t have it all figured out
The benefits of making mistakes
How unschooling doesn’t mean never preparing ahead of time. Often kids get more out of an experience with some information and context
The partnership of this lifestyle and that we don’t and can’t bring everything. We are all learning all of the time. It’s a two-way street
Some kids process internally and we can’t always see what’s happening in their learning
The cyclical nature of learning, deepening each time a child revisits something. There’s always more to learn. Sometimes there’s a massive leap after a child steps back and takes some time
That our deschooling process as parents is a form of self-directed learning. We are “self-directed learning about self-directed learning.”
How what our children are learning, what’s happening in their minds and what level they are at, is not actually our business (and how that’s likely a very controversial think to say!)
The ratio of what we bring into our children’s days to what comes up naturally
The idea that the content we bring in or encounter is often the same as various other styles of home education, but the process is different
The importance of detaching from the outcome
Resources mentioned in this conversation:
Stories of Unschooling Families Community (Founded by Sue Elvis, currently hosted by Erin, Noel and Chellie)
Free to Learn – Peter Gray
Unschooling When Charlotte Mason Also Appeals to Our Hearts – www.storiesofanunschoolingfamily.com
Many unschooling families find they develop a rhythm to their days and weeks over time. Some aspects might be natural and others more intentional, but almost always, connection and the individual needs and desires of the people in the family are the foundation. Join us at our Virtual Kitchen Table as we chat about what those rhythms look like from our experience and share ideas with each other.
We discuss:
Individual rhythms within family rhythms
How we find flexibility within the structure that some kids might like
The strength of relationship when it comes to compromise
Children developing strengths in areas such as empathy, compromise and humility
Modelling humility and authenticity by apologizing and reflecting back to our children
The fact that this way of life can be tiring at times!
Embracing their interests but not so much that we can’t let go
The ratio of what we bring into our days versus what the kids do or the natural flow of life does. How much do we strew versus let things unfold?
The art of not being attached to whether what we strew or offer is accepted
Whether there might be more strewing and introduction to things when kids are young
The way we can get into a bit and rut at times
Open time doesn’t mean undefined
The incredible focus and purpose of play
The value of a change of scenery
The realization that we don’t always know the full depth of learning that’s happening!
Resources Mentioned in this Conversation:
Rounding the Bend – (Erin’s blog post for A Day in the Life reader series at Simple Homeschool) : https://www.everlearning.ca/a-day-in-the-life-with-a-16-year-old-rounding-the-bend-to-young-adulthood/
www.simplehomeschool.net
www.livingjoyfully.ca
What to Do Instead of School – Part 1: https://livingjoyfully.ca/blog/2013/02/what-to-do-instead-of-school-part-1/
www.suepatterson.com
Stories of Unschooling Families Community (Founded by Sue Elvis, currently hosted by Erin, Noel and Chellie): Stories of Unschooling Families (mn.co)
Episode #1: What do our Unschooling Days Look Like? Part 1
Many unschooling families find they develop a rhythm to their days and weeks over time. Some aspects might be natural and others more intentional, but almost always, connection and the individual needs and desires of the people in the family are the foundation. Join us at our Virtual Kitchen Table as we chat about what those rhythms looks like from our experiences and share ideas with each other.
We discuss:
The role that conversation plays
How the details of the places we live (location, outdoor space, size and layout of house) affect the rhythm of our days
The beauty of slow living
What a day in the life of unschooling might look like
The mix of individual and collaborative time
Finding ways for each person to have the quiet time they need
Whether sit-down family meals are important if home educating families are together all day
The beauty of cooperation and negotiation within the family
Family members developing systems of encouraging each other in their plans and pursuits
Whether kids will be able to get themselves organized and function in their future lives if they have so much choice in their childhood about how to spend their time
Examining internal and external motivation
How what we value influences the way we organize our days
Recalibrating our rhythms after or during times of change
Prioritizing connection and flexibility
Resources Mentioned in this Conversation:
Rounding the Bend – (Erin’s blog post for A Day in the Life reader series at Simple Homeschool) : https://www.everlearning.ca/a-day-in-the-life-with-a-16-year-old-rounding-the-bend-to-young-adulthood/
www.simplehomeschool.net
www.livingjoyfully.ca
What to Do Instead of School – Part 1: https://livingjoyfully.ca/blog/2013/02/what-to-do-instead-of-school-part-1/
www.suepatterson.com
Stories of Unschooling Families Community (Founded by Sue Elvis, currently hosted by Erin, Noel and Chellie): Stories of Unschooling Families (mn.co)