The Tightrope of Pleasure: Recent Episodes

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As the years have passed by, the things in my life that bring me satisfaction have changed. Pleasures that would often leave me satisfied at 22 have lost their novelty at 26. I have learned to appreciate the beauty in the mundane. The joys in life and the euphoria that comes from simplicity.

By observing the acts of kindness and love among friends and between my parents, it has allowed me to conceptualise a new outlook on life. We live in a digital time where we allow our devices to infiltrate all aspects of our lives including the ways in which we socialise and form relationships of whatever kind. In order to become someone that encompasses every part of my self, I had to simplify the sources in my life that bring me satisfaction and comfort.

Enjoying the company of a beautiful human in a coffee shop or appreciating the talent of creatives in cultural institutions, making dinner for friends or a lover. Walking in nature alone where time seems to stand still and admiring the beauty of the landscapes in front of me. The bliss of the moments where pure happiness and unforgettable memories are made. Realising the significance in feeling comfortable and safe to be my true self with another. It can be hard to come by.

As Valentine's Day comes and goes, understand that another person cannot make you happy or keep you satisfied. Society tells us that happiness only comes when you enter the right relationship. The hard truth is that these are unrealistic expectations based on our strong attachment to pleasure.

We have to learn to cultivate our own happiness by looking inward and showing love & compassion. You don't need another human being to make you feel whole. Be your own other half and complete yourself. Don’t temporarily fill the voids in your life. Don’t give a damn about what strangers think.

Be your own light. Leave the darkness in your past.

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I am a gentleman but I love sensuality & intimacy. Spending an evening where it feels as though you are the only two in the bar as life around you is unfolding and increasingly unimportant. Looking at him, and thinking of all of the ways to strike the match. Letting him rest his head upon my shoulder and hold my hand. Then he runs his fingers through my hair and looks into my eyes to… Steal a Kiss. These are the pleasures that embody the beauty of intimacy and romance.

When a relationship ends, don't be sad that things didn't work out. Remember the happy times to stop the self-doubt & self-judgement.

Don't view the time you spent with your last partner as a waste of time. See it as another step towards meeting the person you truly deserve. Never allow someone to change your definition of what a relationship is to you or the power to undermine your love language.

As a gay British-Indian man, I used to feel like I had to compartmentalise my sensual self and keep it hidden away. When I told my parents about my sexuality, they said that all they want for me in life is that I’m happy. I rejected the expectations from my family of the kind of relationship I should be in. I do not need to suffer the same fate as what is expected of heterosexual Indians. I am a gay man. I don't strive to get married, have children, like what was expected of my older siblings. However, I have learnt to embrace my sensual self. It is a part of me. It’s 2023 after all.

There’s no set path when you’re gay. You can be whoever you want to be. Be You.

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The journey of healing allowed me to respect myself and my boundaries. I had to commit to waking up each day and truly accepting myself. I began to live life in a way that is true to everything that embodies me.

I rejoice in the simple moments that bring me pleasure.

Going for a walk & breathing in the fresh air. Taking myself out on a date where I feel comfortable in my own company. Dancing in my living room to feel free. I can make myself happy. I can be there for me.

My parents and closest friends are in the Hall of Fame in my books. They saw me in pain through the dark stormy times last year and collectively put me back together again. They believed in me. That’s all I needed. In life, you have to cherish those that are always there and forget those that are spectators. They are the ‘friends’ in your life who will watch you fall apart and do nothing to help. It was an awakening for me to change my surroundings.

Searching for the strength in my mind, body and soul has been difficult. Loving myself and looking inward has healed my surroundings. Life seems easier. I am more positive as a consequence. Life can feel shit sometimes, but I have stayed grounded in each and every moment.

I stopped being so hard on myself.

Building permeable boundaries gradually allowed me to secure a happier life in the long run. The simple pleasures are enough.

Surrounding yourself with people that bring you peace will make life enjoyable. People make profit from you when you're not seeing your own beauty. In this world, society glorifies tearing someone down for how they look, or dress based on toxic expectations fuelled by unrealistic body types. You don't need to be smooth, toned, or tall to be beautiful. You're magnificent. Love your body & your curves.

Self-love came from healing myself of past soul-destroying situations. Nourishing & preserving the positivity in life is essential. Love your reflection in the mirror.

Life in 2023 can be lonely. It is exhausting feeling lonely because you try so hard to meet someone, but others don't appreciate the effort you put in. I forgive myself for the events in my past.

I accept myself for who I am. I don't care about what others think about it. It's my body. It's my home.

Forget Valentine's Day, love yourself, and celebrate with those that you love the most.

Photography: @zerhangelina

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