The She is Loved Project: Recent Episodes
Jennifer Arnise
Welcome to the She Is Loved Podcast, where each week author, healer, and Mother wound coach Jennifer Arise curates a safe space to discuss a variety of topics such as healing our inner little girl, cultivating vulnerability, loving relationships and setting healthy boundaries.The She Is Loved Podcast is a sacred community that centers the stories of Black women and we heal TOGETHER. Part round-the-way girl, part Spiritual healer you'll always leave the episode feeling seen and heard.
For so many of us, healing isn't just about setting boundaries with other people. It's about finally stopping the habit of abandoning ourselves.
In this episode, I'm talking about something I've been actively working through in real time: learning how to let myself be seen without trying to explain, justify, or soften who I am so other people will approve.
Somewhere along the way, many of us learned that being a "good woman," a "good daughter," or a "good person" meant editing ourselves to make other people comfortable. We called it maturity. We called it love. We called it respect. But underneath all of it was self-abandonment.
Today we're questioning that programming.
We'll talk about why your younger self wasn't obsessed with being liked, how shame taught us to perform instead of simply exist, and why one of the biggest signs of healing is realizing that nobody has the power to punish you anymore.
If you've been waiting until you're more confident, more polished, or more perfect before showing up as yourself, this episode is your reminder that healing isn't about getting it right.
It's about trusting yourself enough to do it anyway.
In This Episode
- Why the need to explain yourself comes from old survival patterns
- How people-pleasing slowly becomes self-abandonment
- The difference between authenticity and performance
- Why fear of being judged keeps us stuck
- How your mother wound trained you to seek approval
- Learning to trust your own voice instead of outside validation
- What "doing it ugly" really means
- Why emotional sobriety is becoming one of the most important parts of healing
The goal isn't to convince everyone to like you.
The goal is to become the kind of woman who no longer needs their permission to be herself.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
After sharing that she had started driving Uber at 51, Jennifer expected judgment. Instead, nearly 50,000 people watched the video, and hundreds reached out with encouragement, support, and stories of their own.
In this episode, Jennifer shares what happened after the video went viral, including the support that felt unfamiliar, the stranger who created an entire video criticizing her, and the sold out Black Mother Wound live podcast event she produced while rebuilding her life.
She talks honestly about shame, starting over, trusting yourself, and learning that being seen means allowing people to support you and accepting that some people will misunderstand you. Jennifer also explains why starting again does not mean returning to the beginning. You are bringing everything you have learned, survived, and built with you.
This episode is about choosing autonomy, taking responsibility for your own life, and remembering that nobody else can build the life you want for you.
In This Episode
• The unexpected response to Jennifer sharing her first day driving Uber
• Why receiving support can feel uncomfortable when you are not used to it
• What happened when a stranger created a video criticizing Jennifer
• Refusing to let public judgment shut you down again
• Producing a sold out live podcast event while experiencing financial uncertainty
• Why starting over does not mean you are back at the beginning
• How fear of being seen caused Jennifer to abandon a successful blog years ago
• The connection between healing, autonomy, and freedom
• Why you cannot earn freedom by being obedient or becoming the “good girl”
• Learning to trust yourself when your back is against the wall
• Recognizing that no one else can save you or create your life for you
• Letting go of approval from family, strangers, religion, and social media
• Remembering that being yourself is the value you bring
Key Takeaways
Starting over is not proof that you failed. You are beginning again with more experience, information, and self-awareness than you had before.
Being visible will bring support, criticism, and opinions you did not ask for. The goal is not to avoid judgment. The goal is to stop allowing judgment to control your choices.
Autonomy means knowing that you can make a decision, change your mind, take care of yourself, and continue moving forward without needing permission.
You cannot obey your way into freedom. At some point, you have to choose yourself, even when other people do not understand or approve.
Nobody else has your ideas, your vision, or your capacity to build the life that belongs to you. Support is valuable, but your life is still your responsibility.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Let’s keep in touch!
- Grab my free mini-course
- Work with me one-on-one
- Attend my live event in Charlotte
Ask me anything about healing your mother wound and I’ll answer it on the podcast. Click here to ask.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Let’s keep in touch!
- Grab my free mini-course
- Work with me one-on-one
- Attend my live event in Charlotte
Ask me anything about healing your mother wound and I’ll answer it on the podcast. Click here to ask.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Let’s keep in touch!
- Grab my free mini-course
- Work with me one-on-one
- Attend my live event in Charlotte
Ask me anything about healing your mother wound and I’ll answer it on the podcast. Click here to ask.
Healing isn't about becoming someone new. It's about undoing who your mother taught you to be.
In this episode, Jennifer introduces a new framework for healing the Black Mother Wound by exploring why safety—not shame, fear, or pressure—is the foundation of lasting change. She explains how many Black women developed an identity built around survival, obedience, and keeping the peace instead of becoming who they truly are.
You'll learn why your inner little girl already knows who she is, how to begin listening to her instead of silencing her, and why healing requires gentleness, consistency, and community—not punishment or perfection.
If you've ever wondered, "Do I even know who I am?" this episode is the place to start.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Let’s keep in touch!
- Grab my free mini-course
- Work with me one-on-one
- Attend my live event in Charlotte
Ask me anything about healing your mother wound and I’ll answer it on the podcast. Click here to ask.
In this episode of the Black Mother Wound Podcast, Jennifer gets honest about what came up after her AC went out in the middle of a South Carolina summer. What started as a home ownership problem quickly became something much deeper: shame, self-blame, loneliness, and the pain of realizing how much she was never taught.
Jennifer unpacks the emotional weight of being a smart, capable, high-functioning Black woman who still feels like she is missing basic life lessons. Not because she is incapable, but because so much of her life was spent figuring things out alone, without the safety, patience, or loving guidance she needed.
This episode is about the steep learning curve of adulthood when you did not have an emotionally attuned mother. It is about how hard it can be to admit what you do not know when you were raised to believe you should already know. It is about the shame that comes up when life exposes a gap in your skill set, and the grief of not having a mother you can call who makes you feel safe while you figure it out.
Jennifer also talks about repeating patterns with her own son, learning how to be gentler with herself, asking for help, opening up to friends, and allowing herself to be a person having a human experience instead of somebody who has to get everything right to be loved.
This conversation is for the woman who is exhausted from always having to figure it out, who feels embarrassed by what she does not know, and who is learning that not knowing does not make her broken. It makes her human.
In this episode, Jennifer talks about:
- Why “you should already know” is such a harmful message
- The loneliness of not having a loving mother to call during hard moments
- How emotionally immature parenting creates gaps in life management
- Why being smart and capable does not mean you were properly supported
- The difference between being taught and being punished into performing
- How the mother wound affects learning, asking questions, and needing help
- Repeating parenting patterns you never wanted to repeat
- Why “doing your best” is not always enough without support, tools, and repair
- The grief of being high-functioning while still feeling developmentally unsupported
- The importance of opening up to friends instead of isolating
- Why you have to ask the “dumb” questions and get the help you need
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Today, Jennifer gets honest about a realization that hit hard: what she thought was being considerate, thoughtful, kind, and “a good person” was actually codependency.
This is a real-time processing episode about what happens when your identity has been built around service, being liked, being needed, and making sure everybody else is comfortable. Jennifer explores how Black girls are often groomed to find their value in what they can do for others, how church and culture can reinforce that programming, and how the Black mother wound can shape a lifelong pattern of self-abandonment.
Jennifer also shares how dating has become part of her healing practice, almost like exposure therapy, helping her test what happens when she chooses herself instead of automatically managing someone else’s feelings. From changing plans without over-explaining to noticing the panic that comes up when someone might be disappointed, this episode unpacks how deep the fear of being disliked can go.
This conversation is for the woman who has been praised for being good, dependable, thoughtful, loyal, and considerate, but is starting to realize that some of that “goodness” came at the cost of herself.
In this episode, Jennifer talks about:
-How codependency can hide under being considerate
-Why being seen as a good person can become a trap
-How Black girls are taught that their value is in service
-The connection between the mother wound and self-abandonment
-Using dating as a healing tool and a place to practice autonomy
-The panic that can come with disappointing people
-How codependency shows up in casual relationships, not just family
-Being groomed to manage other people’s comfort
-The fear of being disliked, judged, or misunderstood
-Realizing that the Black Mother Wound community has also become part of her healing work
-Wanting to be seen as a full person, not only as a healer, educator, or coach
-The challenge of growing beyond the box people know you in
-How changing behavior is the only way to challenge old programming
Key Takeaways
Sometimes what we call being considerate is really fear.
Sometimes “I’m just trying to be a good person” means “I need you to validate that I am worthy.”
Codependency is not only about romantic relationships or family. It can show up anywhere you abandon yourself to manage how someone else feels.
When your value has been built around service, choosing yourself can feel selfish, dangerous, or wrong.
Healing does not always sound polished. Sometimes it sounds like realizing, in real time, that you are still trying to figure out who you are.
Reflection Questions
Where in my life am I calling it consideration when it is really self-abandonment?
Who am I afraid will be disappointed if I choose myself?
What do I believe will happen if people do not see me as good?
Do I know how to feel worthy without being useful?
Where did I learn that other people’s comfort matters more than my own truth?
What part of me still believes I can be punished for choosing myself?
Am I allowing myself to be a full person, or only the version of me people are used to?
Pull Quote Options
“I thought I was being considerate, but I was codependent.”
“To be codependent, you do not have authority over yourself.”
“I have been groomed to be there for others and to make them happy.”
“Changing my behavior and changing my choices is the only way I can debunk an old thought process.”
“I want to show more of myself as a person, and not only as a healer, educator, and coach.”
“Sometimes the badge of being a good person is really self-abandonment dressed up real pretty.”
Keywords
Black mother wound, codependency, self-abandonment, Black women healing, mother wound healing, inner child healing, emotional neglect, people pleasing, being a good daughter, Black daughters, healing from mother wound, eldest daughter trauma, boundaries, autonomy, self-worth, emotional healing, Black women and codependency, parentification, relationship patterns, personal development, Black Effect Podcast Network, Jennifer Arnise.
Live Event Mention
Jennifer will be hosting her first live podcast recording and healing experience in Charlotte on July 18. The event will include live audience questions, in-person coaching, grounding practices, healing tools, community, and a recorded podcast episode. Tickets and details are available in the show notes.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Let’s keep in touch!
- Grab my free mini-course
- Work with me one-on-one
- Attend my live event in Charlotte
Ask me anything about healing your mother wound and I’ll answer it on the podcast. Click here to ask.
Have you ever looked around at the life you've built and thought, "I should be happy, but I'm exhausted?"
This week's episode was inspired by a listener who asked a heartbreaking question:
"How do I start finding compassion for myself? It was absent in my life and I have always been in survival mode."
After spending 35 years taking care of everyone else, she finds herself emotionally drained, disconnected from herself, and feeling completely alone.
In this episode, Jennifer explores why self-compassion feels so difficult for many Black women, how survival mode becomes our default setting, and why having a village starts with creating safety and compassion within yourself first. She also unpacks the connection between the Black Mother Wound, self-abandonment, white supremacy, and the generational conditioning that taught Black women to care for everyone except themselves.
💭 Reflection Questions
- Where am I withholding compassion from myself?
- What needs have I convinced myself are selfish?
- How do I talk to myself when I make mistakes?
- What would it look like to become a safe place for myself?
- If I had a village inside of me, what would it sound like?
Resources Mentioned
- Black Mother Wound Healing Guide
- RESOLVE Program Waitlist
- July 18 Live Healing Experience in Charlotte
- Instagram: @blackmotherwound
If this episode resonated with you, share it with another Black woman who is tired of carrying everything alone. You deserve compassion, too.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Let’s keep in touch!
- Grab my free mini-course
- Work with me one-on-one
- Attend my live event in Charlotte
Ask me anything about healing your mother wound and I’ll answer it on the podcast. Click here to ask.
Ep 97 – I Thought Me and My Mother Were Close
For years, Jennifer believed she and her mother had a close relationship.
They talked every day. They spent time together. They shopped together. She called her mother her best friend.
But healing has a way of making us revisit old stories and ask harder questions.
In this episode, Jennifer explores the painful difference between genuine closeness and enmeshment. She unpacks how many Black daughters confuse access, obligation, guilt, and emotional caretaking for intimacy. She shares personal stories from her relationship with her mother, reflects on celebrating her son's high school graduation, and challenges listeners to examine whether the relationship they call "close" actually allows them to be fully themselves.
If you've ever said, "Me and my mama are close," but still struggle to use your voice, make decisions without guilt, or show up authentically around her, this episode is for you.
✨ In This Episode
- Why Jennifer intentionally celebrated Vincent's high school graduation
- The importance of teaching our children they deserve to be seen and celebrated
- Why many daughters believe they are close to their mothers
- The difference between closeness and enmeshment
- How self-abandonment becomes normalized in mother-daughter relationships
- Why emotional caretaking is not intimacy
- The hidden cost of being the "good daughter"
- Questions to help you identify enmeshment in your own life
- How parentification creates one-sided relationships
- Why healing requires building a stronger relationship with yourself, not your mother
💭 Reflection Question
When you think about your relationship with your mother, are you experiencing genuine closeness—or have you been taught to mistake obligation, guilt, and emotional caretaking for love?
Because healing starts when we're willing to tell ourselves the truth. Even when it's uncomfortable. Even when it changes the story we've been holding onto for years.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Originally Aired January 20, 2026
Let’s keep in touch!
- Grab my free mini-course
- Work with me one-on-one
- Attend my live event in Charlotte
Ask me anything about healing your mother wound and I’ll answer it on the podcast. Click here to ask.
“Keeping the peace isn’t peace. It is self-erasure.”
For many people healing the mother wound, peacekeeping became a survival skill. It meant staying small, agreeable, and easy so no one else exploded. It worked when we were young, but in adulthood it begins to feel like disappearing. Oversharing often comes from the same place: giving too much in hopes of being seen or accepted, mistaking exposure for connection.
The shift begins with honest noticing. Before explaining, pleasing, or revealing too much, we pause and ask, “What am I hoping to get right now?” This small moment interrupts old survival habits and teaches our inner child that safety is not earned through performance.
With practice, boundaries take the place of peacekeeping, discernment replaces oversharing, and clarity softens guilt. Healing becomes less about controlling how others feel and more about refusing to abandon ourselves. Slowly, peace stops being something we manage for others and becomes something we build within.
In this episode, I’m answering listener questions about oversharing, keeping the peace, and identity. We talk about oversharing as a form of seeking approval, how “peacekeeping” leads to self-abandonment, and why guilt shows up when you stop managing other people’s emotions. If you’re tired of performing or pleasing just to feel accepted, this episode breaks down what choosing yourself really looks like.
Key Takeaways:
“Any oversharing is you seeking validation. It is giving something that people didn’t earn.”
“Prostitution is any exchange of who you are to get something in return.”
“Have integrity with yourself to be honest about what it is that I’m looking to get from these people and what I am afraid of.”
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived.
Support the show
Follow me on IG @jenniferarnise
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Let’s keep in touch!
- Grab my free mini-course
- Work with me one-on-one
- Attend my live event in Charlotte
Ask me anything about healing your mother wound and I’ll answer it on the podcast. Click here to ask.
This episode dives into how healing our relationships with our mothers transforms our entire lives. Jennifer shares her journey of stepping into her power via her appearance on the Breakfast Club, unpacking the feelings of being taken seriously, and how that shifts our self-perception. Imagine the tough love, raw honesty, and vulnerability of a big sis who’s done the work and is now showing you how to do the same.
In this episode:
- Jennifer’s behind-the-scenes journey to being featured on The Breakfast Club, and what it reveals about self-belief
- How being taken seriously by the world is a direct mirror of how seriously you take yourself
- The deep-rooted fear of rejection rooted in childhood, especially for Black women healing mother wounds
- The importance of asking for what you want, even if that means risking a “no”
- Why self-doubt and wanting to be “perfect” can hold you back from greatness
- How to shift your mindset from “I need more” to “I already have enough”
- The power of claiming your voice and showing up authentically, no matter the stage
- Recognizing that success is a gift that confirms your worth and encourages further healing
- Practical ways to start taking yourself more seriously today, without waiting for perfection
Timestamps:
- Introduction and Exciting News - Jennifer shares her excitement about being on the Breakfast Club. (0:02 - 0:46)
- Experience on the Breakfast Club - Discussing the experience and its impact. (0:46 - 1:40)
- Personal Reflections - Jennifer reflects on personal growth and challenges. (1:40 - 3:05)
- Journey to the Breakfast Club - How she got the opportunity. (3:34 - 4:04)
- Empowerment and Self-Belief - Encouraging listeners to believe in themselves. (4:31 - 5:00)
- Overcoming Doubts - Discussing self-doubt and overcoming it. (10:05 - 12:09)
- Importance of Healing - The role of healing in personal growth. (21:09 - 22:08)
- Closing and Gratitude - Jennifer expresses gratitude to her audience. (26:54 - 27:51)
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Let’s keep in touch!
- Grab my free mini-course
- Work with me one-on-one
Ask me anything about healing your mother wound and I’ll answer it on the podcast. Click here to ask.
In this episode of the Black Mother Wound Podcast, Jennifer answers a listener question about being no contact with an aging mother who is now using guilt to reopen the relationship. What do you do when your mother is getting older, but being close to her still harms you emotionally?
This conversation is for the Black daughter who feels torn between protecting herself and being seen as a “bad daughter.” Jennifer unpacks the shame, obligation, guilt, and emotional debt many daughters carry, especially when society keeps reminding us, “But that’s your mother.”
This episode is not about telling you whether to see her or not. It’s about helping you come back to yourself long enough to make a decision from autonomy, not fear.
Jennifer explores the difference between guilt and shame, why end-of-life guilt can feel so heavy, and how to decide what kind of access, if any, your mother gets to have. Whether that looks like no contact, a phone call, one public visit, or a limited relationship with firm boundaries, the question remains: What keeps you whole, safe, and connected to yourself?
In this episode, Jennifer talks about:
The pressure Black daughters feel to care for mothers who did not emotionally care for them.
Why “guilt” may actually be shame.
How aging and death can be used as tools of manipulation.
The importance of asking yourself if you actually want contact.
How to define access without abandoning yourself.
Why your mother being elderly does not erase the harm.
The role of your inner little girl in making this decision.
Why healing the Black mother wound is really about rebuilding the relationship with yourself.
How to practice autonomy with the person who may have made autonomy feel unsafe.
Estimated Timestamps:
00:00 Welcome, personal update, and graduation season
01:54 Pulling from listener questions
02:42 Listener question: What if my elderly mother is still emotionally harmful?
04:09 The Black daughter’s obligation and emotional debt
05:34 When care has never been reciprocal
06:45 Guilt as a tool of manipulation
07:40 Why what you call guilt may actually be shame
09:47 Autonomy and making a decision that belongs to you
10:20 The first question: Do you actually want to see her?
12:51 Death, grief, and the fear of future regret
14:43 Knowing your capacity before reopening contact
15:36 Asking yourself what you are hoping to get from contact
16:24 Healing is about your relationship with yourself
17:22 When “I’m getting old” becomes emotional labor for the daughter
18:53 Checking in with your inner little girl first
20:04 Asking your mother why she wants to see you
20:48 Using her response as clarity
22:23 Remembering you can pull access back
22:49 Practicing autonomy with the original relationship wound
24:59 Thinking through death, funerals, and what honoring yourself looks like
26:05 Staying in your body when engaging with her
26:55 Releasing responsibility for your mother’s emotions
28:20 Reflection questions to sit with
29:37 Closing thoughts and reminder to put your inner little girl first
Reflection Questions From This Episode:
What am I afraid will happen if I stay away?
What am I hoping will be different this time?
Why am I engaging?
What has her pattern shown me over time?
Do I want to see her, or do I just want to stop feeling guilty?
What kind of access can I offer without abandoning myself?
What does my inner little girl need before I make this decision?
Pull Quote Options
“You’re not a bad person if you don’t want to be around someone who has been abusive to you.”
“Nothing you do will make you less worthy of love.”
“Healing your Black mother wound is not really about the relationship with your mother. It’s about the relationship you have with yourself.”
“You get to make the rule. You get to decide. Ain’t nobody else gotta like it.”
“Do not go into this trying to fix her. Go into it asking, how do I stay in my body?”
Pull Quote Options
“You’re not a bad person if you don’t want to be around someone who has been abusive to you.”
“Nothing you do will make you less worthy of love.”
“Healing your Black mother wound is not really about the relationship with your mother. It’s about the relationship you have with yourself.”
“You get to make the rule. You get to decide. Ain’t nobody else gotta like it.”
“Do not go into this trying to fix her. Go into it asking, how do I stay in my body?”
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Let’s keep in touch!
- Grab my free mini-course
- Work with me one-on-one
Ask me anything about healing your mother wound and I’ll answer it on the podcast. Click here to ask.
Episode Description
What happens when you love your mother deeply, but the relationship still hurts?
In this episode of The Black Mother Wound Podcast, Jennifer Arnise opens up a conversation that so many Black daughters struggle to name: the difference between loving your mother and being honest about what the relationship has cost you.
After a conversation at the Black Effect Podcast Festival, Jennifer reflects on how quickly we answer, “I love my mama,” when the real question is, “What is your relationship like with her?” Because love and relationship are not the same thing. You can love your mother and still feel hurt. You can honor her and still tell the truth. You can be grateful and still grieve what you did not receive.
This episode unpacks why Black women are often taught to protect their mothers, even when it means abandoning themselves. Jennifer explores loyalty, guilt, self-betrayal, emotional honesty, and the cultural pressure to keep performing love instead of experiencing real connection.
This conversation is not about choosing between love and pain. It is about giving yourself permission to hold both truths and come back home to yourself.
In This Episode, We Talk About
Why “I love my mother” does not always answer the real question.
How Black daughters are taught to confuse loyalty with connection.
Why telling the truth about your mother can feel like betrayal.
The difference between love and relationship.
How protecting your mother’s image can lead to abandoning yourself.
Why your mother does not have to agree with your lived experience for it to be valid.
How shame convinces you that being hurt makes you a bad daughter.
Why healing the mother wound is really about repairing the relationship with yourself.
Key Takeaways
You can love your mother and still be hurt by her.
You can be grateful for what she did and still grieve what you did not get.
Your lived experience does not need your mother’s approval to be true.
Love asks, “Do I care about her?”
Relationship asks, “What happens to me when I am connected to her?”
Telling the truth is not betrayal. Abandoning yourself is.
There is no debt you owe for being born, raised, fed, clothed, or protected.
Healing begins when you stop making your value dependent on your position in your mother’s life.
Reflection Questions
What do I feel before I explain it away?
Where am I performing love instead of experiencing connection?
Where do I abandon myself to keep a relationship stable?
What would change if I stopped needing my mother to agree with my truth?
Am I protecting peace, or am I protecting the image of a relationship?
Listener Invitation
If this episode brought something up for you, sit with it before you rush to explain it away. Let yourself tell the truth without judging it. You do not have to choose between loving your mother and acknowledging your pain. Two things can be true.
Mentioned In This Episode
Jennifer will be hosting Healing Our Black Mother Wound: A Live Experience on June 13th in Charlotte. The event will include a live podcast recording, audience questions, a fireside chat, healing techniques, and community connection. Ticket information will be available in the show notes.
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jenniferarnise
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Hey! Click here to send me a message to tell me how much you love the podcast or suggest an episode topic.
Join the waitlist for Resolve Live: Evolved — a real-time healing experience built to help you stop repeating the same patterns. We start December 7th. Don’t step into 2026 on the same energy from 2025. Get on the list and get ready for real change.
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"How can you continue your healing while staying connected to a mother who hurt you, just so your child can know the love of a grandmother?"
Wanting your child to have a relationship with their grandmother is natural, but when that grandmother causes you pain, it becomes complicated. Holding onto the hope that your child can get what you didn’t may feel healing, but it can put them in the middle of adult wounds they cannot handle.
True love for your child is about protecting their emotional safety. It means letting go of fantasies, setting boundaries, and creating a circle of care built on authenticity and respect. Your child doesn’t need a perfect family to feel loved. They need a parent who sees them, values them, and models what healthy love looks like.
By doing this, you break the cycle and give your child something far greater than a relationship with a grandmother. You give them a foundation of real love and self-worth.In this episode, we explore the challenge of keeping a grandmother in your child’s life, even when that relationship has hurt you. I share why holding onto the fantasy of a “perfect family” can keep old wounds open and affect your child. We also discuss setting boundaries, creating emotional safety, and letting go of guilt around “missing grandparents” to break the cycle. Tune in to learn how to protect your children, honor your healing, and redefine what family really means.
Topics Covered:
(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:00:15) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast
(00:03:51) Healing while your child maintains a relationship with grandma
(00:07:04) The fantasy of the “perfect mother
(00:10:04) Hoping your mother will change through your kids
(00:16:06) The cost of the fantasy
(00:20:15) The illusion of “cute phases” with grandparents
(00:22:25) Choosing your child’s family intentionally
(00:24:11) Don’t assign authority to harmful adults
(00:27:16) Letting go of the fantasy of a fairytale family
(00:29:13) Stop projecting your fears onto your children
(00:31:08) Kids don’t necessarily need grandparents
(00:32:00) Come late and leave early
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/blackmotherwound
Support the show
Follow me on IG @jenniferarnise
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Growing up with a mother who couldn’t see your potential or value leaves a mark you carry for years. You start believing that the version of yourself she approves of is the only “right” version, abandoning your true self just to feel loved. That early conditioning shapes your self-esteem, your choices, and how you show up in the world.
Healing from this “mother wound” is about giving yourself the love and validation you didn’t get. It’s about creating a safe space for your inner child, embracing who you really are, and building your own foundation of worth. Even if she never saw you, you can see yourself, and that’s enough to start living your life on your own terms.
In this episode of The Black Mother Wound Podcast, we explore what it means to grow up without a mother who truly sees you, and how that shapes your self-worth, choices, and sense of self. I share how re-parenting yourself and creating a safe space for your inner child can help you step into your authentic self, even when that validation wasn’t given to you. We also touch on taking the first steps toward healing, letting yourself be seen, and building the confidence to live life on your own terms.
Topics Covered:
(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:00:21) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast
(00:01:48) Announcement: Resolve Evolved Live Program
(00:03:20) Growing up unseen by your mother
(00:06:14) The inner conflict between who you are and who she wanted you to be
(00:08:16) How conditional love impacts your life choices
(00:11:06) The cracked mirrors passed down
(00:13:05) Re-parenting yourself with care
(00:18:38) Healing is not a sprint
(00:20:30) Create safety for your inner child
(00:23:34) Expand your freedom and break restrictive patterns
(00:25:25) Claiming authentic achievement based on your true self
(00:28:34) Allowing your true self to shine
Key Takeaways:
"When you grow up with a mother who cannot see your innate value, you believe that you don't deserve certain things."
"The mother wound is a generational wound."
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/blackmotherwound
Support the show
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Hey! Click here to send me a message to tell me how much you love the podcast or suggest an episode topic.
Ask me anything about healing your mother wound and I’ll answer it on the podcast. Click here to ask.
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For so many Black women, we were taught, directly or indirectly, that our safety depended on keeping the peace, reading the room, and staying small. Our mothers, often emotionally unavailable and burdened by their own unhealed wounds, became the main characters of our lives. Their moods dictated our choices. Their validation determined our worth. And even as adults, many of us continue to live stories where we play supporting roles in someone else’s narrative.
But it’s time to change the script.
Main character energy isn’t about arrogance or self-absorption, it’s about reclaiming authorship over your own story. It’s remembering that you are not a prop in someone else’s life, nor a sidekick meant to highlight another person’s shine. You are the heroine of your own journey, and that role comes with authority, autonomy, and unapologetic self-trust.
You can’t wait for permission. You can’t wait for the world to hand you the spotlight. You were born with it. So step into the center. It’s your story. It always has been.
In this episode, I’ll talk about what it truly means to step into your main-character energy, especially for those of us who grew up centering everyone but ourselves. When you’ve been conditioned to make your mother, your partner, your friends, or even your job the main character in your story, reclaiming your own spotlight can feel foreign, even wrong. But it’s time to rewrite that script. We’ll unpack how shame, guilt, and the need for approval keep you playing the sidekick in your own life, and how expression, autonomy, and community help you take your rightful place at the center.
Topics Covered:
(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:00:16) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast
(00:01:52) The Main Character Energy
(00:03:15) When your mother is the main character
(00:05:25) The cost of decentering yourself
(00:07:50) How Jennifer used to take on a “sidekick” role
(00:10:13) Defining main female character energy
(00:12:51) Letting go of shame
(00:14:04) Releasing guilt for wanting more
(00:22:41) Finding like-minded community
(00:25:11) Practicing main character energy
(00:27:02) End the Sidekick Energy
Key Takeaways:
“When we decenter ourselves and we’re not the main character in our own life story, it turns us into the victim.”
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/blackmotherwound
Support the show
Follow me on IG @jenniferarnise
Hey! Click here to send me a message to tell me how much you love the podcast or suggest an episode topic.
Ask me anything about healing your mother wound and I’ll answer it on the podcast. Click here to ask.
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Many of us started wearing masks before we even knew what that meant. We learned to be “the good girl,” “the smart one,” or “the strong one.” We tried to fit in, stay safe, and be who others wanted us to be. But somewhere along the way, we lost touch with who we really are.
Wearing a mask can make us feel protected, but it also keeps us from being seen. It’s tiring to always perform, to hide our real feelings, and to protect peace that was never truly ours.
Taking off the mask is the first step toward freedom. It means being honest about how you feel and allowing yourself to show up fully. It is choosing truth over performance and peace over perfection.
Healing begins when you stop pretending and start remembering who you are.
And who you are has always been enough.
In this episode, I get real about the survival strategy so many of us learned growing up in households where we didn’t always feel safe to be ourselves, MASKING. We’ll explore how masking shows up in your life as overgiving, perfectionism, people-pleasing, and codependency, and how it can keep you disconnected from your authentic self. You’ll learn how to spot your own patterns, understand their impact, and take steps to unmask safely. We talk about reconnecting with hidden parts of yourself, reclaiming your voice, and showing up fully without fear or performance.
“You can’t really maintain happiness, joy, or love if you’re not being your authentic self.” – Jennifer Arnise
Topics Covered:
(00:00:00) Episode snippet
(00:00:13) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast
(00:02:16) How masking begins as a survival skill
(00:05:35) The fear of being your true self
(00:06:36) The three masks: good girl, smart girl, independent girl
(00:11:07) Unmasking as a lifelong practice
(00:13:27) The emotional toll of hiding yourself
(00:16:32) Reconnecting with your inner little girl
(00:18:20) When masking becomes emotional abuse
(00:20:27) Mistaking assertiveness for authenticity
(00:21:55) The role of community in unmasking
Key Takeaways:
"You are trying to protect your future peace, but it’s at your own demise."
"Unmasking is how you come back and find her and give her a voice."
"You can’t really maintain happiness or joy or love if you’re not being your authentic self."
"Your unmasking is going to require you to throw the middle finger up at people."
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Connect on Instagram:
Support the show
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Hey! Click here to send me a message to tell me how much you love the podcast or suggest an episode topic.
Ask me anything about healing your mother wound and I’ll answer it on the podcast. Click here to ask.
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Many Black women are taught from an early age to endure pain without flinching. We’re told that strength is survival, that silence is grace, and that independence is our crown. But what if the very thing we were praised for is what’s keeping us from healing?
Every time we swallow our pain, we lose a little more of ourselves. We get so used to showing up for everyone else that we stop showing up for our own hearts. We stay busy, productive, and dependable, all while our bodies whisper that we’re running on empty.
The truth is, endurance isn’t the same as healing. Carrying pain doesn’t make us stronger, it makes us harder, more guarded, and disconnected from our softness. Healing starts when we stop glorifying struggle and begin to ask ourselves, “Why do I believe I have to hurt to prove my worth?”
In this episode, I talk about the hidden cost of having a high emotional pain tolerance and how what we often call strength is actually rooted in survival. From growing up with emotionally unavailable mothers to staying too long in relationships that drain us, I unpack how we’ve been taught to normalize pain and silence our needs. Together, we explore how to stop glorifying endurance, begin honoring our emotions, and rebuild a sense of safety within ourselves through rest, boundaries, and gentle self-compassion.
"You can be tender, you can be soft, you can be yourself and still let somebody know you’re not here to be played with." – Jennifer Arnise
Topics Covered:
(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:00:11) Welcome to the Black Mother Wound Podcast
(00:03:39) High pain tolerance is a trauma response
(00:06:05) Being “the strong one” keeps us from healing
(00:08:04) Self-abandonment starts when we silence our needs
(00:10:10) Believing love must be earned through suffering
(00:13:00) How we ignore emotional pain and call it productivity
(00:16:10) Healing starts with feeling safe
(00:18:30) Real safety begins within
(00:20:30) Honor your emotion
(00:22:40) Pay attention to your physical needs
(00:23:40) Set boundaries and ask for help
(00:25:06) Feeling pain doesn’t mean you’re weak
(00:27:00) New forms of strength: Softness, rest, and self-compassion
Key Takeaways:
"Your high tolerance for pain was created out of survival."
"You are so hard on yourself. No patience with yourself. You use pain as a motivator. You use it as something to get the job done."
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Support the show
Follow me on IG @jenniferarnise
Hey! Click here to send me a message to tell me how much you love the podcast or suggest an episode topic.
Ask me anything about healing your mother wound and I’ll answer it on the podcast. Click here to ask.
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Somewhere along the way, many of us were taught that being dependable meant never changing. We were celebrated for our steadiness, for keeping things together, for being the ones others could count on.
But no one told us that sometimes, the version of ourselves that everyone depends on is the one silently falling apart. We were praised for staying the course, even when that course was breaking our spirit. We were told that consistency made us good women, good daughters, and good mothers, even if that “goodness” demanded the quiet sacrifice of our joy.
The courage to change your mind is the courage to reclaim your life. It’s a declaration that you no longer belong to other people’s expectations. It’s the start of a new chapter where peace matters more than appearances, and authenticity weighs more than approval. Because real strength isn’t found in how long you can endure, it’s found in how boldly you can evolve.
In this episode of The Black Mother Wound Podcast, I talk about reclaiming the sacred right to shift, to outgrow, re-evaluate, and choose again without guilt or explanation. Together, we’ll unpack how early conditioning, religious expectations, and fear of punishment taught us to stay small and silent, even when our spirit was begging for something new.
“We get mad when we give our power to someone else and then they mishandle it, when the whole time, it was only ours to hold.” – Jennifer Arnise
Topics Covered:
(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:00:11) Welcome to the Black Mother Wound Podcast
(00:04:09) You have the right to change your mind
(00:07:21) The cost of losing autonomy
(00:10:20) Fear of making mistakes
(00:11:13) Redefining irresponsibility
(00:13:04) Autonomy and the mother wound connection
(00:15:19) Learning to fall gracefully
(00:17:04) Stop seeking approval
(00:18:02) Get clear on what you really want
(00:20:16) Create a safe space within
(00:22:47) What does success look like for you?
(00:24:20) Celebrate yourself
(00:25:53) Train your inner girl
(00:27:30) The power of safe community
(00:28:19) Choose what’s true to you
Key Takeaways:
“You have a right to change your mind. Every woman has a right to change their mind.”
“There’s a difference between knowing what you want and believing what you can have. Stop gaslighting yourself."
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Connect on Instagram:
Support the show
Follow me on IG @jenniferarnise
Hey! Click here to send me a message to tell me how much you love the podcast or suggest an episode topic.
Ask me anything about healing your mother wound and I’ll answer it on the podcast. Click here to ask.
How we can stay connected and work together!
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Join RESOLVE On-Demand Today
Many of us have learned to explain ourselves because, at some point, it felt like survival. As children, we wanted to avoid rejection, abandonment, or punishment, so we reached for words to soften the blow or gain approval. That habit often follows us into adulthood, where explaining becomes second nature.
But with every explanation, a quiet message slips through: Maybe I need permission to be myself. And over time, that can feel heavy, like you are carrying your life in someone else’s hands.
You don’t have to live that way. You don’t need to justify your choices, your boundaries, or your presence. Your worth is not up for debate. It was never earned through explanations, and it cannot be taken away by silence.
It is safe to pause. It is safe to say less. It is safe to remind your body, “We are okay. We are not in danger anymore.” Each time you do, you build trust with yourself. You show your inner child that she no longer has to hustle for approval.
You are free to live without apology, to stand in your truth without explanation, and to know deep in your bones that you are already enough.
In this episode of the Black Mother Wound podcast, I break down the habit of overexplaining and why it keeps you stuck in self-abandonment. We’ll explore how overexplaining ties back to fear of rejection, abandonment, and punishment, and how it strips you of your autonomy. You’ll learn four practical steps to stop overexplaining, how to set boundaries without apology, and the importance of aftercare so your nervous system feels safe as you step into your authority.
Topics Covered:
(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:00:54) Resolve on Demand course is live
(00:05:15) Stop explaining yourself
(00:08:26) Explaining yourself is a form of self-abandonment
(00:11:49) The hard truth: no one is coming to save you
(00:12:14) Explaining as manipulation and bullying
(00:14:43) Step 1: Think before you respond
(00:16:47) Step 2: Decide what is the best way to answer
(00:17:52) Step 3: Don’t volunteer extra information
(00:19:41) Step 4: Stop apologizing for your choices
(00:21:16) Aftercare: regulating your nervous system
(00:23:04) Shake out the energy
(00:25:18) Nobody is the boss of you
Key Takeaways:
"When you spend time overexplaining, you are trying to control how others perceive you."
"Get in alignment with your highest purpose, your highest joy, who you really are so you can have the life that you really want."
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experien
Support the show
Follow me on IG @jenniferarnise
Hey! Click here to send me a message to tell me how much you love the podcast or suggest an episode topic.
Ask me anything about healing your mother wound and I’ll answer it on the podcast. Click here to ask.
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Many of us grow up searching for answers in the wrong places. Childhood disconnection, particularly from a mother, leaves a deep sense of longing and confusion. We fantasize about a fix, a solution, or some external force that will make life feel safe and whole. Many turn to spirituality, astrology, or crystals. While these tools can feel comforting, they sometimes become a way to escape our present reality rather than confront it.
The problem is when we rely on them instead of taking action. We avoid setting boundaries, making choices, or handling responsibilities. Life doesn’t change, confidence stays low, and healing gets stuck.
The solution is to combine spiritual practices with practical steps. Healing happens when we stay in our bodies, trust ourselves, and make intentional choices. Spirituality can guide us, but real change comes from taking action and claiming control of our own lives.
In this episode of The Black Mother Wound Podcast, we talk about how spirituality can sometimes stall healing when it’s used to escape life instead of taking action. Learn how to pair spiritual practices with real-world steps to reclaim your power, strengthen boundaries, and become the ultimate authority in your life. True transformation comes from showing up for yourself, not waiting for a miracle.
Topics Covered:
(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:00:19) Welcome to the Black Mother Wound podcast
(00:02:52) Getting away restores your mind and soul
(00:07:19) Spirituality can actually block your healing if it’s an escape
(00:09:53) “Why doesn’t my mama love me?”
(00:14:15) 15 years deep in spirituality didn’t change my life
(00:17:24) Knowing a lot doesn’t mean your life changes
(00:20:02) Waiting for a rescue keeps you stuck
(00:22:42) Spirituality should complement self-authority
(00:25:19) Healing means staying in your body and making better choices
(00:27:17) Mother wounds heal through real relationships, not rituals
(00:28:05) You are in charge of your life
(00:29:55) There’s no power greater than your own
Key Takeaways:
"Pair spirituality with practical actions."
"There is no power greater than you in your life. There isn't any. There is nothing more powerful than the power you have over your own life."
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/blackmotherwound
Support the show
Follow me on IG @jenniferarnise
Hey! Click here to send me a message to tell me how much you love the podcast or suggest an episode topic.
Ask me anything about healing your mother wound and I’ll answer it on the podcast. Click here to ask.
How we can stay connected and work together!
1. Grab my free mini-course
2. Work with me one-on-one
In this episode, Jennifer Arnise discusses the importance of feeling safe enough to be your true self. She emphasizes that safety is crucial for establishing authority in one's life and explores how fear-based parenting can lead to relinquishing personal authority.
Jennifer encourages listeners to practice self-acceptance and authenticity, highlighting the need to reparent oneself and create internal safety. She urges individuals to unleash their true selves and establish their own power, rather than seeking validation from others.
Takeaways
- Safety is essential for personal authority.
- Fear-based parenting can undermine self-trust.
- Reparenting oneself is crucial for self-acceptance.
- You must practice being your true self.
- Hiding your true self prevents genuine connections.
- Establish your own power instead of seeking it from others.
- You are worthy and deserving of love as you are.
- Reject societal pressures to conform.
- Healing requires action and practice.
- Authenticity leads to deeper self-satisfaction.
Sound Bites
- "You do exist and you do matter."
- "Reject the club, leave the club."
- "Establish your own fucking power."
Chapters
00:00
Establishing Safety to Be Yourself
09:53
Unleashing Your True Self
15:03
The Journey to Self-Acceptance
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Join RESOLVE On-Demand at www.resolvehealingintensive.com
In this episode of the Black Mother Wound podcast, Jennifer Arnise shares her personal journey of self-discovery and the importance of centering oneself in decision-making. Through the lens of a home improvement project, she reflects on the tendency to consider external opinions over personal preferences, emphasizing the need to build an internal gaze that prioritizes self-acceptance and empowerment. The conversation also touches on the impact of upbringing and societal expectations on personal choices, ultimately encouraging listeners to embrace their individuality and make decisions that resonate with their true selves.
takeaways
It's important to prioritize your own preferences over others' opinions.
Decentering external validation is crucial for personal growth.
Building an internal gaze helps in making confident decisions.
Self-acceptance is a journey that requires practice.
You can't please everyone, so focus on what makes you happy.
Creating a personal space that reflects your identity is empowering.
Healing the mother wound involves reclaiming your authority.
Understanding who 'they' are can clarify your decision-making process.
Making choices for yourself can feel uncomfortable but is necessary.
Transformation in any area of life starts with self-awareness.
titles
Decentering External Opinions for Personal Growth
Building an Internal Gaze: The Key to Self-Acceptance
Sound Bites
"You have to build your tolerance."
"You can't make 100 theys happy."
"Stop playing in your own fucking face."
Chapters
00:00
Introduction and Setting the Scene
00:58
Personal Reflections on Decision Making
04:08
Decentering External Opinions
09:58
Building an Internal Gaze
13:55
Bathroom Transformation and Conclusion
Support the show
Follow me on IG @jenniferarnise
Hey! Click here to send me a message to tell me how much you love the podcast or suggest an episode topic.
Ask me anything about healing your mother wound and I’ll answer it on the podcast. Click here to ask.
How we can stay connected and work together!
- Join RESOLVE On-Demand at www.resolvehealingintensive.com
In this episode of the Black Mother Wound podcast, Jennifer Arnise shares a personal story about a DIY home renovation gone wrong, leading to a flood in her bathroom. Through this experience, she reflects on the importance of community, asking for help, and overcoming the belief that one must handle everything alone.
She emphasizes the growth that comes from vulnerability and the necessity of building connections with others for support. The conversation highlights the journey of healing from emotional wounds and the significance of recognizing one's worthiness of help and community.
Takeaways
Building community is essential for emotional support.
Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Mistakes can lead to unexpected blessings and growth.
Vulnerability allows for deeper connections with others.
Old beliefs about self-sufficiency can hinder personal growth.
You deserve to be supported, regardless of past mistakes.
Community can be found in unexpected places.
Learning from others can enhance personal skills and knowledge.
It's important to challenge the belief that you must do everything alone.
Healing involves reprogramming negative beliefs about self-worth.
Chapters
00:00
Introduction and Context
05:29
The Importance of Community and Asking for Help
17:28
Lessons from Mistakes and Growth
29:05
Building Connections and Overcoming Isolation
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1. Grab my free mini-course
2. Mother Wound Healing Course (On-Demand)
3. Work with me one-on-one
Today, Jennifer dives into the sneaky ways we become the villain in our own stories—through resistance, limiting beliefs, and self-sabotage—and how to step back into alignment with our higher selves.
You’ll hear personal reflections, real talk, and practical steps for recognizing resistance, counteracting it with evidence, and reclaiming your power to move forward with confidence.
👉 Special Offer:
Jennifer’s Resolve Healing Intensive is now available On Demand for just $97 (with payment plan available). Access her full healing framework right now—no waiting, no relaunches. www.ResolveHealingIntensive.com
⏱️ Episode Chapters
[00:00] Introduction: Welcome to the Black Mother Wound podcast.
[02:15] Resolve On Demand: Jennifer introduces her course for healing the Black Mother Wound. [05:30] Nesting Phase: Jennifer discusses her current life changes and priorities.
[10:45] Resistance Realization: A personal epiphany about internal resistance.
[15:00] Identifying Resistance: How to recognize and question your own resistance.
[20:30] The Role of Self-Love: Using self-love to combat limiting beliefs.
[25:45] Evidence of Success: Counteracting resistance with past achievements.
[30:00] Conclusion: Embracing change and moving forward with confidence.
✨ Takeaway:
Resistance is not your truth—it’s programming. When you observe it, challenge it with evidence, and step back into alignment with your higher self, you stop being the villain in your own story.
Support the show
Follow me on IG @jenniferarnise
Hey! Click here to send me a message to tell me how much you love the podcast or suggest an episode topic.
Ask me anything about healing your mother wound and I’ll answer it on the podcast. Click here to ask.
How we can stay connected and work together!
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Grab my free mini-course
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Work with me one-on-one
Sometimes, it feels like everything has to get done perfectly, all at once. Often, we carry the heavy belief that if everything isn’t done just right, we won’t be loved or accepted. This pressure can drain us, pushing us to say yes when we want to say no, and to ignore our own needs to keep others happy. But this cycle only leads to exhaustion and emptiness.
True healing begins when you give yourself permission to slow down and accept that it’s okay not to have everything figured out. It’s about setting boundaries and choosing what truly matters, then letting go of the rest without guilt or shame.
When you start treating yourself with kindness and patience, you build a new relationship with yourself, one rooted in self-love and grace.
Remember, healing isn’t about perfection. It’s about showing up for yourself with compassion, even on imperfect days. You deserve to feel loved and accepted, not because of what you do, but because of who you are. And when you truly believe that, your whole life begins to change.
In this episode, I reflect on how my mother wound shaped my need to control everything and take on too much. Sharing insights from a recent girls trip, I talk about learning to accept my limits, set boundaries, and stop making everything a priority. Tune in to learn how embracing your limitations can create space for true healing, self-love, and healthier relationships with yourself and others.
Topics Covered:
(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:00:10) Welcome to the Black Mother Wound podcast
(00:03:54) Feeling loved and expanding capacity for love
(00:05:02) Mother wounds shape loneliness and relationships
(00:07:46) Making emotional deposits into yourself
(00:10:21) Healing changes self-worth and presence
(00:13:00) Healing attracts healthier relationships
(00:14:05) Accept your limits
(00:16:26) Burnout from unrealistic priorities
(00:21:13) It’s okay to shift priorities and say no
(00:22:07) Reevaluate your timelines
(00:24:20) Set boundaries and say no
(00:26:03) Release resentment and regret
(00:27:12) Prioritize with self-compassion, not fear
(00:28:31) Everything can’t be a priority
Key Takeaways:
"People who try to do everything and make everything a priority generally have poor boundaries."
"If you press yourself so hard, you create stress and resentment that feels normal."
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/blackmotherwound
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Hey! Click here to send me a message to tell me how much you love the podcast or suggest an episode topic.
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Healing from a mother wound really starts with taking care of yourself first. Think about your relationship with yourself like a bank account, you’ve got to make more deposits than withdrawals. Every little thing counts: setting boundaries, saying no when you need to, or just resting when you’re tired.
Setting boundaries isn’t about being mean. It’s about protecting your energy. And it’s totally okay if some people get upset or if some relationships change. Your well-being has to come first.
Please stop abandoning yourself for others. Check in with what you really need, even if it’s something small. When you appreciate yourself and show some patience, you’re teaching your heart that it’s okay to be kind to you.
And remember, safety isn’t something you wait for from outside, it comes from within. Keep reminding yourself you’re okay, even when things feel uncertain. Life doesn’t have to happen on your schedule, and that’s perfectly fine.
Take care of you. You deserve it.
In this episode, I’m pulling back the curtain on where I really am in my healing journey and how much intention it takes to choose yourself every single day. We get into what it looks like to stop pouring into people who don’t pour back, how boundaries protect your peace, and why standing ten toes down for yourself is the real glow up. I also talk about the quiet wins, the confidence, the clarity, and the freedom that start showing up when you do the work. Tune in and let’s talk about choosing you first, trusting your voice, and making emotional deposits that actually pay off.
Topics Covered:
(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:00:21) Welcome to the Black Mother Wound podcast
(00:03:06) Make daily deposits into your own life first
(00:07:22) Boundaries are a form of self-investment
(00:08:08) Stop self-abandoning
(00:11:09) Be patient with your process
(00:12:19) Speak up
(00:16:04) Communicate with clarity and strength
(00:17:14) Assuring yourself that you are safe
(00:18:25) Accept your limitations without guilt
(00:21:00) Care less about being liked
(00:24:42) Embrace what makes you unique
(00:26:15) You don’t owe anyone anything
(00:27:21) Be more playful, relaxed, and free
(00:28:32) Make decisions without second-guessing
(00:32:15) Invest fully in your own healing
(00:33:50) Don’t delay your dividends
Key Takeaways:
"I am not taking any advice from people who don't have what I want in life."
"Accepting my limitations is a part of my healing."
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Connec
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Feeling scared doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong, it usually means you’re doing something new. And if you’re healing from a mother wound, that fear can feel even louder because you didn’t grow up feeling safe. But you don’t have to wait until you’re not afraid. You just need to know that you’ve got your own back.
That kind of safety doesn’t come from waiting for the perfect moment. It comes from showing up for yourself, little by little. It looks like being patient when fear creeps in, instead of beating yourself up.
When you keep promises to yourself, doing the thing you said you would, or just resting when your body says it’s tired, you’re rebuilding trust. You’re teaching that younger version of you that she’s no longer alone. That someone finally sees her and protects her.
Every time you show up even with shaky hands and a nervous heart, you’re proving to yourself that fear doesn’t get to call the shots anymore. You do.
So no, you don’t need to be fearless. You just need to be kind to yourself as you keep going.
In this episode, I’m getting real about where I’m at in my healing and how hard it can be to even see the woman I’m supposed to be. We talk about how fear and all those sneaky limiting beliefs keep us stuck in the same old loops, why having a safe, loving relationship with yourself is everything, and how ambition can actually be a part of your healing. Pull up, listen in, and let’s have an honest conversation about showing up for yourself, facing your fears, and stepping into your full power.
Topics Covered:
(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:00:09) Welcome to the Black Mother Wound podcast
(00:03:50) You can’t shortcut your way through healing
(00:05:08) See who you’re becoming
(00:07:18) Build safety by trusting yourself
(00:08:25) Keep showing up, even when scared
(00:13:50) Confidence comes from consistent action
(00:17:32) Dreams reconnect you to yourself
(00:19:13) Ambition will expose your fears
(00:20:52) People will rise to meet your growth
(00:23:25) You can do it scared
(00:25:29) Let your gifts be seen
(00:26:00) Be your own biggest cheerleader
(00:28:00) Take care of you
Key Takeaways:
"You cannot shortcut the lesson. You cannot fake learning the lesson, you cannot cheat the lesson, you're gonna have to get the lesson."
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
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Healing from a mother wound is not something you finish and forget. It is a daily commitment to caring for your inner child, the part of you that carries the pain, fear, and shame from your past. Even after therapy, journaling, or cutting ties, healing continues because your younger self needs ongoing love and patience.
Trusting yourself, especially if you grew up feeling unsafe, is hard but possible. Sometimes your emotions can mislead you, so it is important to also use your mind and seek trusted perspectives to understand real danger. Finding something or someone you deeply care about can help you stay grounded and protect yourself.
In the end, healing the mother wound is a lifelong journey of loving and protecting yourself one small, patient step at a time.
In this episode, I respond to some of the rawest and most vulnerable questions from listeners about healing from mother wounds. Together, we explore how family dynamics shape our inner child, why healing is a lifelong process, and how to cultivate trust and safety within ourselves. Join me for an honest, unfiltered conversation about trauma, resilience, and the courageous path toward freedom beyond past pain.
Topics Covered:
(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:00:21) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast
(00:02:13) Q1: How does your birth order reflect your mother wound?
(00:05:46) Why your healing can’t center her
(00:07:14) Q2: What else can I do to heal?
(00:10:13) Release the fantasy of being “done” with healing
(00:11:40) Q3: How do I trust myself now when I grew up in an unsafe home?
(00:12:38) When the danger was your mother
(00:19:25) Q4:How do I relax and receive love when I’m always in control?
(00:22:27) Control is a trust issue
(00:25:03) Q5: How do you heal from a mother who hypersexualized and assaulted you?
(00:29:48) Q6: How do I overcome fear telling my mother I want to leave school and start a business?
(00:36:49) Q7: Can healing happen in isolation and hyper-independence?
(00:40:11) Q8: How do you make peace with actions taken from a place of trauma?
(00:46:07) Q9: How do you deal with the shame from the consequences of bad decisions?
(00:50:31) Q10: How do you heal from a mother wound caused by a parent choosing an abuser over you?
(00:53:30) Q11: How do I mind for good feelings in the midst of emotional healing?
(01:00:24) Be good to yourself
Key Takeaways:
"Punishment does not correct behavior. It's not a sustainable way to correct behavior."
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
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Many of us carry pain from our mothers that runs deep. It’s a kind of hurt that isn’t easy to fix with quick answers or easy fixes. Healing from the Black mother wound means facing that pain head-on and learning to care for ourselves in a new way.
It starts with being kind to the little girl inside us who’s been hurt and shamed. Too often, we punish that inner child by talking to ourselves harshly or expecting perfection. But real healing is about letting her know it’s okay to make mistakes and that she’s worthy of care no matter what.
This wound can also show up in how we handle money and relationships. Sometimes, because of how our mothers treated us, we don’t trust ourselves to be in charge. Money feels scary, and trusting others feels risky. But healing means taking back that power and learning to say “no” when something doesn’t feel safe.
At the end of the day, healing this wound is about loving yourself fiercely, setting clear boundaries, and being patient with the process. It’s about freeing yourself from shame and walking boldly into your true self. You deserve that love. You owe that to yourself.
In this episode of the Black Mother Wound podcast, I answer some of the most asked questions from listeners. I share how my relationship with my mother shaped my views on money, identity, and body image. I also talk about setting healthy boundaries and healing from old wounds. Join me for honest, healing conversations about the Black mother wound and finding freedom beyond it.
Topics Covered:
(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:00:15) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast
(00:03:14) Q1: Can non-Black women relate to the Black Mother Wound?
(00:05:13) Q2: How does the Black Mother Wound affect finances? (Book Link: https://amzn.to/4luh3YE)
(00:07:42) Q3: How do we punish our inner little girl?
(00:10:45) Loving her no matter what
(00:11:41) Q4: What does our birth story reveal about the mother wound?
(00:13:02) Q5: Has your mother sabotaged your romantic relationships?
(00:16:13) You can change the access
(00:16:44) Q6: How do you develop your own identity apart from your mother?
(00:21:48) Q7: How has your mother shaped your views on body, sexuality, fertility, and parenting?
(00:24:13) What's wrong with my body?
(00:26:55) Why I feared my mother more than men
Key Takeaways:
"The number one thing you’re going to have to do in developing your own identity is disappoint her."
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
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Many of us play games with others thinking it helps us keep peace. But those games don’t heal the wounds, especially the deep ones from our mothers. Healing means something real: reclaiming your authority and being loyal to yourself above all else.
It means setting firm boundaries so no one can disrespect you or “play in your face.” Real safety starts inside, where your own care and approval come first. If you don’t protect yourself, no one else will. Loyalty to yourself can’t be only when it’s easy; it has to be unconditional.
Too many let others disrespect them just to avoid conflict, but that peace comes at a cost: your happiness and dignity. Let others be upset if they want. You have to be your own protector.
Healing your mother wound is a lifestyle of self-loyalty. It brings peace, freedom, and joy. So stop letting people play games with you. Stand up, set boundaries, and protect your peace. You deserve that. You owe that to yourself.
In this episode, I want to share with you what healing really looks like when it starts with being loyal to yourself. We’ll talk about setting strong boundaries, recognizing when you’re betraying yourself, and how to stop letting others play in your face. I’ll also share why healing your mother wound is a lifestyle and why loyalty to yourself is the foundation for real peace and ease in your life. If you’ve been playing nice at the expense of your own well-being, this episode will help you reclaim your power, one bold choice at a time.
Topics Covered:
(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:00:20) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast
(00:01:34) Living with ease is a mindset
(00:04:30) Real ease comes from loyalty to self
(00:06:27) Approval isn’t safety
(00:10:06) Be willing to be alone
(00:11:26) How about YOU showing up for yourself first?
(00:13:13) Where do I betray myself?
(00:15:27) Healing is a lifestyle
(00:16:39) You are a resource
(00:19:04) Stop tolerating relationships that make you unsafe
(00:21:01) Prostitution is a self-betrayal
(00:22:56) Protect yourself without apology.
(00:24:00) Ruffle all the feathers
Key Takeaways:
"Safety really starts with the relationship you have with yourself."
"You will betray and abandon yourself in a heartbeat for someone else, for something else, and that is because you have no sense of loyalty to yourself."
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/blackmotherwound
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Many of us grew up feeling unwanted, like our very being was too much, like our presence took up space that no one wanted to give. Sometimes, it began at home. Sometimes, it was the way our mother looked at us, spoke to us, or ignored us. And slowly, that feeling settled in. A quiet, heavy shame that followed us everywhere.
But a feeling is not a fact.
Carrying the belief that you're a burden makes life heavier. It pushes you away from connection, even when your heart aches for it. That’s why healing begins with truth. You were never too much. You were never the problem. You were a child in need of care, safety, and love. And that love begins with you.
You are not a burden. You are worthy of love, of rest, of joy, and of being known and welcomed. It is never too late to believe that.
In this episode, we talk about feeling like a burden and how it hurts our self-worth. Healing starts when we comfort the little child inside us who felt alone and unwanted. You’ll learn how to love yourself more and find places where you truly belong. Tune in to discover simple steps to feel safe, grow, and shine as your true self.
"Feeling like a burden is a burden. It is a weight that you carry and it makes it impossible for you to show up as your true self."– Jennifer Arnise
Topics Covered:
(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:00:11) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast
(00:03:06) Acknowledge your lived experience
(00:06:09) The shame of being a burden runs deep
(00:08:00) To my little inner girl: You matter
(00:10:05) Hyper-independence is rooted in fear of not belonging
(00:12:05) How to reset your mindset
(00:14:10) Let yourself be seen, even in small ways
(00:16:23) Nobody can abandon me
(00:18:03) Stop over-performing to earn love
(00:20:33) Your only job is to take care of yourself
(00:22:04) Reparent your inner child
(00:25:17) Not an entitlement, but a healthy self-esteem
(00:26:40) Show up for your inner child consistently
(00:27:07) You deserve all good things
Key Takeaways:
"Your only job is to take care of yourself. It is to go in and lick your wounds and soothe yourself and find the comfort that you deserve."
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/blackmotherwound
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💬 Episode Summary
Hey sis. This week’s episode is a heart-to-heart. I’m showing up a little late (your girl’s flying solo on production), and I’m letting you know we’re taking a June break from full episodes.
But this episode is the one if you’ve ever felt like you needed permission to enjoy your life. I talk about healing through joy, how play is part of reparenting, and how that self-doubt you feel isn’t truth—it’s programming.
If you've been stuck in “who am I to…?” energy, this one’s your reminder that you don’t need permission. Just go.
⏱️ Time-Stamped Chapters
[01:55] Late But Here
Why this episode dropped late and how juggling travel, RESOLVE, and podcasting is a lot—but I’m still showing up.
[02:21] June Break Ahead
Announcing the June hiatus and encouraging you to catch up on past episodes during this time.
[02:50] Go Back and Listen Again
The wisdom hits different the second time—revisit older episodes and notice what new truths show up.
[03:19] Mulch & Memorial Day
A quick life update: mulch delivery, gardening joy, and stepping into something new just for me.
[04:09] This Week’s Topic: Permission
This episode centers around giving yourself permission to do something new—something joyful and healing.
[06:36] Recognizing Internalized Voices
I name the internal voice of doubt and realize—it’s my mother’s. That programming still lingers, even during joy.
[08:21] Joy Is Part of Healing
Expression and play are not extra—they're medicine. Depression lifts when we start to express and explore joy.
[10:49] Creating New Data
Healing means gathering evidence through experience—doing things that build trust in yourself, even when it’s scary.
[12:46] Redefining Without Permission
When no one gave you the authority to be you, you’ve got to crown yourself. That’s where the grief and power collide.
[14:13] From Doubt to Knowing
The inner “I don’t know anything” voice is a lie. And we prove it wrong by doing the damn thing—again and again.
[15:36] The Grief of Becoming
Becoming yourself brings grief too—letting go of old identities that were never really yours to begin with.
[16:55] What You Never Got
Doing joyful things can feel humiliating when you’ve never had someone affirm your desires. That’s real—and it hurts.
[17:53] Feel It to Heal It
All those feelings you avoid? They surface through new experiences. That’s how healing works. It’s not optional.
[18:41] You’re Not Out of Place
Imposter syndrome isn’t about the room—it’s about old wounds. You’re not out of place. You’re just stretching.
[20:02] Community Normalizes Your Joy
Find your people. Whether it's gardening or anything else, being around folks who reflect your joy back to you matters.
[21:29] Collect Evidence That You’re Enough
Every new, joyful thing you try is proof that you’re not who they said you were. That’s how we break the cycle.
[21:59] You’re Not Alone
This healing journey can feel lonely. But I promise—you are not alone. This podcast is proof.
[22:58] Do It Just for You
Try something that feels good for you—even if it’s “frivolous.” Capitalism lied. Play is not a waste.
[23:58] Final Word & June Reminder
We’re on pause for June, but I’ll be back in July. In the meantime, take good care of yourself, with love and
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Healing from deep wounds is never easy, especially when those wounds come from our closest relationships, like the one with our mother. It’s tempting to avoid the pain or push it aside, but real healing starts when we take a brave step to look deeper at our struggles.
When we allow ourselves to feel sad, angry, or confused, we begin to understand what we need. This is when healing really starts. It is okay to feel pain and not pretend everything is fine. Taking care of the hurt child inside us is very important. This little part of us was hurt and needs love. When we give ourselves that love, we can begin to feel better.
Everyone’s healing is different, but it always begins when we stop hiding our pain and start loving ourselves. That is when we can find real peace.
In this episode, I talk about why healing can’t happen if we ignore our emotions. Many of us try to fix the outside without looking at what’s really going on inside. I share why it’s so important to express your feelings through words, art, movement, or whatever works for you. If you’ve ever felt unseen, like you’ve been carrying sadness without knowing why, this episode is for you. Let’s talk about the power of expression, creativity, and facing those big emotions head-on.
"You can only start to understand where you are and what needs to be healed in you when you decide to express in whatever way that is for you."– Jennifer Arnise
Topics Covered:
(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:00:20) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast
(00:00:42) Last chance to join the “Resolve” healing class
(00:01:44) My June summer break
(00:04:05) Express yourself creatively
(00:07:12) Face your big feelings
(00:08:03) You cannot know enough
(00:11:17) Your inner child needs love, not lessons
(00:16:22) Focus on the root
(00:20:00) Denying your inner child is a form of shaming her
(00:22:36) Come back for her
(00:24:10) Tell me podcast ideas
(00:28:27) Be good to yourself
Key Takeaways:
"The opposite of depression is not happiness, it's expression."
"Doing your inner child reparenting work is directly aligned with tapping into those emotions."
"If you're not dealing with your inner little girl's emotions, then you're not re-parenting and you're not healing."
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/blackmotherwound
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Hey! Click here to send me a message to tell me how much you love the podcast or suggest an episode topic.
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In every woman's life, there comes a point when she must confront the gap between who she had to be as a child and who she’s trying to become as an adult. Somewhere between these two selves lives a quiet tension of a little girl who carried too much and a grown woman who questions if she’s enough.
We learn how to smile through pain, overachieve through exhaustion, and show up for others while secretly wondering who will show up for us. The world praises our strength but never asks about the weight. And now, in adulthood, that strength feels like both a badge of honor and a chain because while it helped us survive, it also taught us to silence our needs, minimize our dreams, and question our worth.
The truth is, the nurturing and emotional validation that is often lacking in childhood shapes how we feel about ourselves as adults. It's that simple validation, like being told, "You're doing great," that builds confidence and self-trust. Without it, we’re left questioning ourselves even though we know how to manage a million things at once.
In this episode, we talk about the difference between showing up as a grown woman and reacting from the little girl who never felt safe. I share how the Black mother wound can confuse your sense of self, especially if you were the first-born daughter who had to grow up too fast. This is an honest conversation about identity, responsibility, and how old survival patterns can still show up in adult life.
"The older we get, the more responsibility we get but we don't get more freedoms because we're still not trustworthy." – Jennifer Arnise
Topics Covered:
(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:00:13) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast
(00:03:17) Facebook Marketplace
(00:06:28) Why get a garden?
(00:07:34) Are you a child or an adult?
(00:09:11) What is a parentified child?
(00:13:20) Made responsible but still not trustworthy
(00:16:32) The power of just one positive statement
(00:24:06) Book Recommendation: Overcoming Underearning
(00:25:22) Elevate the little girl inside of you
(00:26:55) Resolve the inner conflicts
(00:28:27) Be good to yourself
Key Takeaways:
“Write a note to that little girl… tell her how proud you are of her.”
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/blackmotherwound
Support the show
Follow me on IG @jenniferarnise
Hey! Click here to send me a message to tell me how much you love the podcast or suggest an episode topic.
Ask me anything about healing your mother wound and I’ll answer it on the podcast. Click here to ask.
How we can stay connected and work together!
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Join the RESOLVE course waitlist
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Grab my free mini-course
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Work with me one-on-one
Mother's Day can feel like a minefield when your relationship with your mother has been painful or distant. Society tells us to celebrate with flowers and praise, but what if that’s not your truth? You don’t have to pretend. You don’t have to perform. You are allowed to be honest about how you feel.
Instead of being swept up in the pressure and performance, start focusing on what’s real for you. This week, pay attention to what lifts you. Celebrate the people and the progress that remind you you’re loved, seen, and growing. Let your joy come from within, not from forced expectations.
And if sadness shows up—let it. Feel it. Care for yourself with compassion, not shame. Healing doesn’t mean you never hurt. It means you know how to care for yourself when you do.
This Mother’s Day, center yourself. You get to define what this day means to you now. And that, in itself, is powerful.
In this episode, we talk about how to care for yourself before and during Mother’s Day, especially if your relationship with your mom is painful or complicated. I share why it’s important to be honest about how I really feel, stop telling fake stories, and stay grounded in my truth. Instead of forcing happiness or pretending everything’s okay, I offer real ways to comfort yourself, feel your feelings, and find joy in your own life. This is a gentle, honest conversation to help you stay grounded during a tough time.
Topics Covered:
(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:00:12) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast
(00:04:24) Be honest about how you feel
(00:05:59) Society can confuse your real feelings
(00:07:35) Mine for good feelings
(00:09:28) You create your feelings
(00:20:31) The fantasy is your underdeveloped ego
(00:22:54) Your responsibility is to you
(00:23:42) Resolve doors are open
(00:24:50) Fireside Chat Question
Key Takeaways:
“Healing really is about taking back control of your own mind.”
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/blackmotherwound
Support the show
Follow me on IG @jenniferarnise
Hey! Click here to send me a message to tell me how much you love the podcast or suggest an episode topic.
How we can stay connected and work together!
-
Join the RESOLVE course waitlist: www.ResolveHealingIntensive.com
-
Grab my free mini-course: www.BlackMotherWoundHealing.com
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Work with me one-on-one: https://bit.ly/bmwresolve
True power comes from knowing your worth doesn’t depend on what others think. Healing starts when you let yourself try, fail, and be imperfect.
When you feel out of control, you might wait for others to approve of your decisions. This need for approval can hold you back from growing and healing. Giving yourself permission means accepting your imperfections, mistakes, and risks. It’s about trusting yourself, not waiting for approval.
You might be waiting for the “perfect” moment or the right tools, but it’s not about being fully prepared. It’s about taking the first step, even if it’s not perfect. When you show up as you are, you build trust and confidence in yourself. Stop waiting for others to say it’s okay. The most important permission you need is from yourself. That’s where healing and growth begin.
In this episode, you'll learn how to give yourself permission to take action, make mistakes, and grow without seeking approval from others. Discover how to build trust with yourself, create internal safety, and let go of the need for external validation. Tune in to learn how to stop waiting for others to grant you permission and start empowering yourself to move forward.
"You have to start giving yourself permission to do it poorly. There has to be a level of permission to make a mistake, to make a mess." – Jennifer Arnise
Topics Covered:
(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:00:19) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast
(00:02:45) Black Mother Wound was a finalist!
(00:05:17) Syndication means expansion
(00:07:33) A win that is both validating and surreal
(00:11:32) I joined the Black Effect family
(00:13:01) Finding Belonging
(00:17:19) Give yourself permission to do it poorly
(00:19:16) Start with what you have
(00:22:35) Build safety within your own life
(00:23:10) Where are you saying no to yourself?
(00:27:08) No one else can save you; it’s on you
(00:29:23) Stop worrying about what others think
(00:31:29) Be good to yourself
Key Takeaways:
"When black women heal, everybody heals."
"When you lack autonomy, you are constantly looking for permission from someone else."
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Connect on Instagram:
Support the show
Follow me on IG @jenniferarnise
Hey! Click here to send me a message to tell me how much you love the podcast or suggest an episode topic.
How we can stay connected and work together!
-
Join the RESOLVE course waitlist
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Grab my free mini-course
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Work with me one-on-one
In a world where perception is currency, we’re often more concerned with how things look than how they feel. We smile for pictures when our hearts are heavy, post about joy when we’re barely making it, and perform perfection while silently falling apart. And somehow, we’ve convinced ourselves that pretending is noble—that enduring quietly is strength.
The truth is, many of us have become so skilled at hiding our pain that we forget it’s even there. We’ve learned to function in dysfunction. To mistake high performance for healing. To believe that being needed means we’re okay.
Freedom begins when we admit we’re tired of performing—tired of holding it all together while silently falling apart. It’s not weakness to let go of the image of being the strong one; it’s worship. It’s trusting that we’re still loved when we’re not impressive, allowing God to meet us in the mess. Being honest about our needs isn’t a burden—it’s the first step toward real freedom.
In this episode, I challenge the self-righteous label of perfectionist and expose what often lies beneath it—deep feelings of unworthiness and fear of rejection. I share how trauma, especially from childhood experiences with our mothers, can shape how we show up in the world and stop us from even trying. I unpack how language reveals our pain and how healing invites us to change our behavior. If you've ever felt paralyzed by the fear of not being good enough, this one’s for you.
Topics Covered:
(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:00:19) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast
(00:01:56) Home is my paradise
(00:03:39) Stop calling yourself a perfectionist
(00:05:41) What perfectionism really says
(00:06:52) The trauma behind trying
(00:09:14) The only way through is exposure
(00:11:45) Stop hiding behind perfectionism
(00:12:51) Start messy, grow anyway
(00:14:27) Growth is scary when you don’t believe
(00:17:09) Perfectionism is abusive
(00:18:19) Re-examine your language
(00:20:00) You can’t keep rejecting the younger you
(00:22:31) Where are you harming yourself?
(00:24:45) Even high-performers feel self-doubt
(00:26:40) I can't do perfect
Key Takeaways:
"Healing is an action verb. It's about how you change your behavior."
"The only way you can prove to yourself that you are worthy is to put your shit out there and then do the reparenting work to soothe yourself in the process."
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram
Support the show
Follow me on IG @jenniferarnise
Hey! Click here to send me a message to tell me how much you love the podcast or suggest an episode topic.
How we can stay connected and work together!
-
Join the RESOLVE course waitlist: www.ResolveHealingIntensive.com
-
Grab my free mini-course: www.BlackMotherWoundHealing.com
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Work with me one-on-one: https://bit.ly/bmwresolve
In a world that values selflessness, it's easy to confuse being good to others with genuine goodness. We often pride ourselves on being helpful, but the real question is: Are we truly good people, or have we mastered self-betrayal in the name of seeking love and validation?
Self-betrayal isn’t always obvious. It’s a slow shift from what matters to us, where we compromise our values or ignore our needs in the name of kindness.
While selflessness can seem virtuous, sacrificing our well-being for others can cause us to lose touch with who we are. Setting boundaries and caring for ourselves isn't selfish—it's necessary. Only when we prioritize our own needs can we truly show up for others.
In this episode, I ask a powerful question: Are you truly a good person—or have you just mastered self-betrayal? We explore how childhood trauma and the need for our mother’s love often teach us to abandon ourselves in the name of being “good.” I break down how that shows up in adulthood, especially in friendships and relationships, and what it really means to stop trying to make difficult people love you.
Topics Covered:
(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:00:12) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast
(00:02:13) Free Mini Course
(00:03:16) About the Resolve Program
(00:05:13) Centering you, not her
(00:07:07) Are you a good person or self-betraying?
(00:10:30) Winning your mother’s approval
(00:12:49) The “Good Person” Mask
(00:15:06) Why we choose the wrong people
(00:17:49) Indebted to love
(00:21:38) Addiction to validation
(00:23:13) Boundaries with yourself first
(00:25:49) Start the awareness work
(00:27:12) Being “Good” isn’t always healthy
Key Takeaways:
"The mother wound is a spectrum, and the people that I help the most are the women who have an acute pain."
"Stop trying to make difficult people be good to you."
“Somebody can do all those things and still not be good to you.”
“Real friends are gonna tell you some shit you might not wanna hear.”
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/blackmotherwound
Support the show
Follow me on IG @jenniferarnise
Hey! Click here to send me a message to tell me how much you love the podcast or suggest an episode topic.
How we can stay connected and work together!
- Join the RESOLVE course waitlist www.ResolveHealingIntensive.com
- Grab my free mini-course www.BlackMotherWoundHealing.com
- Work with me one-on-one https://bit.ly/bmwresolve
Many women struggle with the idea of having children because they fear repeating the same mistakes their mothers made. They worry that they’ll pass on the same pain, the same unhealthy habits, or the same emotional scars. These fears are often rooted in their own experiences growing up, where they might have felt unheard, unsupported, or unloved.
However, it’s important to remember that breaking the cycle is possible. Healing starts with acknowledging these fears and choosing to do things differently. Instead of letting the past control the future, women can choose to learn from it and use it as a guide for what they want to change.
Part of breaking the cycle means understanding that parenting is not about being perfect. It’s about being present, being honest with yourself, and showing your children love and care. When you take time to heal your own wounds, you’re better prepared to help your children grow without repeating the mistakes of the past.
In this episode, I share how healing from a mother wound can transform your parenting. As a solo parent, I emphasize the importance of focusing on your relationship with yourself over perfection in your relationship with your child. I talk about parenting with transparency, vulnerability, and seeing your child as their own person. It’s about doing the inner work to parent from a place of self-awareness, not fear. Tune in for insights on breaking the cycle and creating a healthier relationship with your child.
Topics Covered:
(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:00:10) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast
(00:01:21) Vincent got a car!
(00:03:19) The freedom of parenting older kids
(00:04:28) When parenting became triggering
(00:06:07) Heal your childhood trauma
(00:07:50) Parenting isn’t about fixing your childhood
(00:09:50) Parenting isn’t one-way
(00:11:26) Be real with your kids
(00:13:10) A parent is a child’s first relationship
(00:14:04) What is human parenting?
(00:17:01) Teach boundaries with love
(00:19:10) Feeling “taken from” can trigger hidden wounds.
(00:21:08) Motherhood doesn’t come with all the answers
(00:23:17) Self-awareness leads to better parenting
(00:24:32) The real parenting goal: trust.
(00:26:00) Trust leads to responsibility
(00:27:00) Connection comes from repair
Key Takeaways:
"You will make mistakes. So if you are trying to avoid every mistake, you are already fucking your kids up even worse."
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Connect on Instagram:
Support the show
Follow me on IG @jenniferarnise
Hey! Click here to send me a message to tell me how much you love the podcast or suggest an episode topic.
How we can stay connected and work together!
1.RESOLVE Black Mother Wound Intensive waitlist
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Free Reclaiming Your Autonomy Mini-Course
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Work with me one-on-one
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Order my book on Amazon
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Who are you beyond the labels?
You’ve spent years contorting yourself to fit expectations that were never yours. Your mother’s voice still echoes. She called you irresponsible, and you wore it like a name tag. She labeled you selfish, and you shrank under the weight of guilt. You weren’t discovering yourself—you were memorizing the version of you that others created.
But those labels were never yours to keep.
Letting go means trusting yourself in a way you never have. It means unraveling every false belief you inherited. It means rejecting the notion that choosing yourself is selfish. You are not a problem to be solved—you are a person to be seen. You are not a flaw to fix—you are a truth to embrace.
Reclaiming yourself looks like wearing red lipstick, even if she called it vanity. It looks like walking away from what doesn’t honor you, even if she called it reckless. It looks like deciding that your desires, your joy, and your life are yours to define.
You are not who they said you were. It’s time to find out who you really are.
In this episode, I talk about reclaiming your true self after years of being told who to be. It’s time to break free from generational conditioning, release the weight of false identities, and step fully into your power. Tune in for the truth about unlearning, healing, and boldly becoming the woman you were always meant to be.
Topics Covered:
(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:00:08) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast
(00:02:26) How to vacate wonderfully
(00:04:40) I want to be myself, but I don't even know who that is
(00:06:09) How triggers shaped our personalities
(00:08:43) Mislabeling your nature as a flaw
(00:09:48) The cost of living someone else’s life
(00:11:12) The myth of being rewarded for good behavior
(00:13:38) Reestablish integrity with yourself
(00:15:53) Learning to thrive instead of just survive
(00:18:25) The power of self-belief
(00:21:13) No love compares to self-love
(00:23:49) Healing is about relationship with yourself
(00:24:24) Audit your actions & start choosing you
Key Takeaways:
"Our mother's wounds were triggered by us, and that became our personality—the ways that we triggered her."
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Connect on Instagram: https://www.instag
Support the show
Follow me on IG @jenniferarnise
Hey! Click here to send me a message to tell me how much you love the podcast or suggest an episode topic.
- Sign-up for RESOLVE Black Mother Wound Intensive waitlist
- Download my FREE Black Mother Wound Healing Guide
- Work with me one-on-one
- Watch the podcast
Healing is an action verb.
You want to heal, but you don’t want to disappoint anybody. You want change, but you don’t want to risk losing anything. You’re waiting for the right moment, the perfect circumstances—yet the truth is, the right time is now.
Healing is not passive. It is not something bestowed upon you because you waited long enough or believed hard enough. Healing requires movement, choices, and the willingness to disrupt what has always been. It is an action verb—something you do, not something you wait for.
So, what does healing look like in action? It looks like setting boundaries even when it makes others uncomfortable. It looks like therapy, rest, accountability, and unlearning. It looks like choosing yourself, not just in whispers and wishes, but in real, tangible ways. Healing is not waiting for permission. It is not seeking validation. It is deciding, today, that you are worthy of the work. Because healing is not just something that happens—it is something you do.
In this episode, I break down a hard truth: healing isn’t passive—it’s an action verb. I explore how religious beliefs have shaped our understanding of healing and challenge you to take authority over your emotional and mental well-being. Tune in for a real, no-nonsense conversation on what it takes to truly heal.
"Healing is about not abandoning yourself. It is about showing up authentically, having real self-esteem, and building real community based on who you are—not who you can be of service to." – Jennifer Arnise
Topics Covered:
(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:00:16) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast
(00:02:44) Healing is an action verb
(00:04:22) The religious influence on healing
(00:06:50) Hands-off approach to healing
(00:07:37) No real change without action
(00:09:41) Why emotional healing is harder
(00:10:42) The historical roots of emotional suppression
(00:14:19) Healing requires consistent action
(00:16:22) Why people can't implement
(00:19:16) Repair
(00:20:08) How you give your authority away
(00:22:27) The right time is now
(00:24:55) Healing is about showing up authentically
(00:25:48) No one is coming to save you
(00:27:42) Accountability is key
(00:28:47) Healing takes time
Key Takeaways:
"There's a disconnect between you creating the life you want and you staying where you are."
"The greatest changes that we wanted in our lives from a Christian perspective are largely hands-off."
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/blackmotherwound
Support the show
Follow me on IG @jenniferarnise
Hey! Click here to send me a message to tell me how much you love the podcast or suggest an episode topic.
1.RESOLVE Black Mother Wound Intensive waitlist
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Free Reclaiming Your Autonomy Mini-Course
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Many people misunderstand the mother wound, thinking it’s about blaming or resenting mothers. But it’s not about pointing fingers—it’s about recognizing the emotional gaps and patterns that have been passed down, often without intention.
The mother wound isn’t just about your relationship with your mom; it’s about how her struggles and beliefs have shaped you. If she grew up feeling unloved, overwhelmed, or pressured to be perfect, she may have unknowingly passed those feelings on to you. Not because she wanted to hurt you, but because she never had the chance to heal.
Healing doesn’t mean cutting off your mother or ignoring the good she did. It means seeing her as a person with her own struggles while also choosing to grow beyond the pain. It means making sure the cycle stops with you so that future generations don’t have to carry the same weight.
In this episode, I’m exploring a big question—does every Black woman have a mother wound? We break down what the mother wound really is, how it can exist even in seemingly healthy relationships, and why it affects some women differently than others. I also unpack the loss of autonomy, the weight of generational trauma, and the subtle ways this wound can shape your sense of selfIf you’ve ever questioned your experience, this episode brings clarity. Tune in to learn why healing isn’t just about your mother—it’s about reclaiming you.
"The mother wound is a relational wound, and it has to be healed in relation with others. If you are doing it alone, it is just scratching the surface." - Jennifer Arnise
Topics Covered:
(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:00:11) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast
(00:02:19) The hypothesis: Every Black woman has a mother wound
(00:04:03) What truly is a mother wound?
(00:06:28) A generational wound rooted in patriarchy and racism
(00:08:48) Love doesn’t erase harm
(00:10:35) You can’t heal a mother wound alone
(00:11:46) Healing requires accountability and autonomy
(00:13:09) The dehumanization of motherhood
(00:15:00) Your mother has a mother wound too
(00:16:57) Healing is necessary to break cycles
(00:18:05) The Mother Wound is a societal issue
(00:20:34) Everybody has a crack in their glass
(00:21:01) Shame is a barrier to healing
(00:25:03) Give us your feedback!
Key Takeaways:
"The mother wound is about the lack of autonomy."
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Connect on Instagram:
Support the show
Follow me on IG @jenniferarnise
Hey! Click here to send me a message to tell me how much you love the podcast or suggest an episode topic.
1.RESOLVE Black Mother Wound Intensive waitlist
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Free Reclaiming Your Autonomy Mini-Course
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Work with me one-on-one
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We all love our mothers, but is that enough?
Healing reaches a point where the next step feels uncertain. The pain has been acknowledged—so what now? For us, that question centers on reconnecting with family. Do we want that? Can we trust ourselves to decide without being ruled by emotion?
We miss our loved ones, but fractured relationships complicate things. Are we reaching out for the right reasons? Missing someone doesn’t mean they’re safe or that things have changed. Reconnection doesn’t guarantee repair.
Conflict drains us. Can we engage while protecting our boundaries?
The key is preparation. Any interaction must be intentional—not impulsive. We need a plan: pre-engagement, engagement, and post-engagement. We must be well-rested, emotionally regulated, and aware of our triggers. Setting the terms ensures we respond rather than react. This is how we trust ourselves again.
In this episode, I’m doing something special—our first coaching session on the podcast! I coach Alicia, a former Resolve student, through the challenges of reconnecting with her mother after years of no contact. We unpack the emotional weight of this decision, the role of self-trust, and why healing isn’t something you can perfect in isolation. Alicia shares how past conflicts would leave her spiraling for days, and we discuss how to break that cycle with a clear plan—pre-engagement, engagement, and post-engagement. I also share the power of curiosity over judgment, setting boundaries without justification, and shifting from a victim mindset to autonomy. Tune in as we explore how real healing comes from within—not through controlling others.
Topics Covered:
(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:00:19) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast
(00:05:53) No contact is not permanent
(00:07:01) Reconnect with the right reasons
(00:10:53) Handling conflict
(00:16:14) Why are we reconnecting?
(00:23:53) Owning your decision
(00:32:12) Your healing comes first
(00:35:03) Am I repeating old cycles?
(00:43:10) Stay emotionally disciplined
(00:46:03) Validate your feelings
(00:51:44) Set the date, face the feelings
Key Takeaways:
"If we want to heal, we have to come out of a victim mentality."
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health-care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/blackmotherwound
Support the show
Follow me on IG @jenniferarnise
Hey! Click here to send me a message to tell me how much you love the podcast or suggest an episode topic.
Belonging is something everyone needs, but what if it feels out of reach?
1.RESOLVE Black Mother Wound Intensive waitlist
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Free Reclaiming Your Autonomy Mini-Course
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Many people feel like they don’t belong, even when they’re surrounded by others. We may find ourselves in spaces where we feel like outsiders, even within the groups we are part of. The need to always be useful, to facilitate, or to stay in control can prevent us from truly experiencing connection. This feeling often comes from deep fears or a sense of not being enough, which can create a wall that makes it hard to connect with those around us.
This feeling of not fitting in often starts with early experiences of exclusion, especially when we didn’t meet the expectations of our family, culture, or society. Whether it’s growing up in a different environment or feeling like you don’t belong to a specific group, these experiences can make us feel isolated. Over time, they can build walls around us to protect our hearts from further hurt.
In this episode, I’m unpacking the hidden wounds that so many Black women carry—the ones that keep us stuck in survival mode, disconnected from ourselves, and sacrificing our own needs just to keep going. We’re talking about how unhealed pain shapes our identity, why ‘being strong’ can sometimes be a trap, and the deep work required to break free from patterns that no longer serve us. Tune in as we explore the importance of building a sense of belonging and finding a community that truly sees and supports us.
Topics Covered:
(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:00:13) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast
(00:01:07) Today is a good day!
(00:02:25) Community and Belonging
(00:08:36) Being in the world but not of the world
(00:10:11) The loneliness of never fitting in
(00:12:24) The home that held me when mine didn’t
(00:14:33) Unlearning “I am not good enough”
(00:18:29) Belonging is not fitting in
(00:23:36) “I thought i was the only one”
(00:28:09) Share and Show who you are
(00:29:19) Let people show up for you
(00:31:19) Curiosity about your own self
(00:34:51) Deprioritizing productivity
(00:37:08) Belonging is a natural state
(00:38:07) Grow in community
Key Takeaways:
"I wanted to feel like I was a part of something—not because of my usefulness or how it could get me ahead, but because it felt like home."
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/blackmotherwound
Support the show
Follow me on IG @jenniferarnise
Hey! Click here to send me a message to tell me how much you love the podcast or suggest an episode topic.
How we can stay connected and work together!
1.RESOLVE Black Mother Wound Intensive waitlist
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Free Reclaiming Your Autonomy Mini-Course
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Work with me one-on-one
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Self-esteem shapes how life is experienced, but what if it's built on someone else's perception—one that was never true?
Many grow up believing they are too much or not enough, not realizing those beliefs were never theirs to begin with. If self-worth is shaped by someone else’s limited vision, it creates an identity built on falsehood. But doubt is the first sign that the real self is still there, waiting to be reclaimed.
That doubt is a reminder that deep down, you know there’s more to you than what you were told. But breaking free from those old beliefs takes time. It means unlearning the idea that worth is something to be earned and realizing it was never missing in the first place.
Self-esteem isn’t about being perfect—it’s about seeing yourself clearly. It’s understanding that mistakes don’t define you, and flaws don’t make you unworthy. When you stop measuring yourself by impossible standards, you make space for self-acceptance.
In this episode, I talk about self-esteem, identity, and breaking free from the false beliefs we were taught growing up. I share my personal journey of healing, the struggles with self-worth, and why shifting our perspective is key to true transformation. We’ll explore how past conditioning shapes our confidence, the impact of limiting beliefs, and practical steps to redefine how we see ourselves. Tune in as we unpack the roots of self-doubt, the power of self-acceptance, and the mindset shifts needed to step into a more authentic, empowered version of ourselves.
Topics Covered:
(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:00:19) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast
(00:01:23) Clap for yourself
(00:03:35) The goal to travel more in 2025
(00:05:12) Parenting and independence
(00:07:35) Reimagine yourself
(00:09:21) Celebrating milestones & community
(00:10:23) Healing bring transformation
(00:11:03) The definition of self-esteem
(00:15:25) An accurate premise of who you are
(00:17:33) How faulty self-esteem impacts us
(00:19:35) Who did your mother teach you to be?
(00:24:52) Pay attention to your life
(00:27:07) The levels of autonomy
(00:29:01) You can only row one boat
Key Takeaways:
"A computer can be reprogrammed. That's what healing is—reprogramming."
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
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Emotions are our internal compass, guiding us through life. But many of us, especially those with a mother wound, learn early to suppress our feelings because we don’t know how to process them or feel they’re unimportant. As children, we lacked the power to act on those feelings, so we buried them instead.
The truth is, when we disconnect from our emotions, we lose our way. We rely on others to dictate how we should feel or act, but that only leads to confusion. Reconnecting with our emotions is about reclaiming our inner compass, learning to feel and understand what’s happening within us without judgment
The power to heal and live authentically lies in embracing our emotions. When we do, we can make decisions that align with who we truly are, not what others expect of us. Reclaiming your emotional truth is the first step to finding your true direction.
In this episode, we’re going to talk about the power of reconnecting with your emotions and how they play a vital role in managing your emotional health. We’ll explore healing the mother wound, dealing with emotional disconnect, and learning to listen to your internal compass so you can live a more empowered life. Join me as I share insights and practical steps to help you reclaim your emotional sovereignty, stop relying on others’ emotional GPS, and start living by your own compass.
Topics Covered:
(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:00:08) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast
(00:01:44) Growth requires change
(00:03:15) Give your 100%
(00:05:02) The emotional disconnect
(00:09:45) Your emotions are your compass
(00:11:43) Break free from others' compass
(00:15:24) Fear of emotions
(00:17:01) No quick fixes in healing
(00:21:15) Approach your emotions with curiosity
(00:23:26) Trauma is in our body
(00:26:03) Thank your inner little girl
(00:28:18) Get to the root of your emotions
Key Takeaways:
"In order to have sovereignty over your life, you need to go back and reclaim all the parts of yourself that you left behind. You must put them back together."
Here’s the link to the Emotion Wheel
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
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Creating Safety Part 2: When It Feels Like You Don’t Have Any Choices
Safety is something we all crave, but often, it’s more about perception than reality. You might feel like you're stuck in a job, a relationship, or a situation, thinking you have no other options. But the truth is, most of the time, we have more choices than we believe. The key is challenging the beliefs and truths we've accepted for too long.
When you feel powerless, it’s easy to believe there are no options. But often, the real issue is that you've stopped looking for them. Shifting your perspective to see yourself as capable and deserving opens the door to possibilities you never imagined.
In the end, safety begins with us. It starts by questioning our beliefs and choosing to see the possibilities we haven't noticed yet. We may face challenges, but the power to change and create the life we want is always in our hands. We just need to believe it.
In this episode, we will challenge limiting beliefs around safety and choice, and explore how reframing these thoughts can open up new possibilities for healing and growth. I share how breaking free from these thoughts helped me and my clients uncover new possibilities. It’s time to reframe those "facts" that hold us back and start making empowered choices.
Topics Covered:(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:00:16) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast
(00:02:10) The work behind the mic
(00:03:19) Is it true?
(00:07:08) Safety: The first level of autonomy
(00:10:17) The illusion of no options
(00:12:07) Is finding a job difficult?
(00:15:13) Understanding your worth to see your choices
(00:17:42) Pack your bag with new truths
(00:20:22) We are all replaceable
(00:21:18) Challenge what you believe is true
(00:25:30) Get to know you
(00:27:22) Stop waiting for someone to save you
(00:29:19) Nobody owes you something
(00:31:12) Check me out on YouTube
Key Takeaways:
“Building a healthy, loving relationship with yourself is about knowing who you are. It's not about beating yourself up or changing everything about yourself, but it is about awareness.”
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
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Who am I, beyond who my mother has defined me to be?
For many women, the relationship with their mother shapes how they see themselves. A mother’s role is often central to a child’s sense of safety, love, and identity. But as we grow older, it’s important to understand that, no matter how complicated our relationship with our mother may be, it doesn’t have to define us or limit who we can become.
While a mother plays an important role in our early years, our identity should not be fully shaped by her actions, approval, or opinions.
We are more than the struggles of our past or the expectations set by our families. True healing starts when we realize that our lives, our choices, and our future are not determined by the challenges we’ve had with our mothers.
Healing happens when we let go of old beliefs and accept who we are becoming. By embracing ourselves and standing firm in our truth, we free ourselves to live the life we deserve. Our journey is ours to create, and the power to change lies within us.
In this episode, I unpack how your relationship with your mother shapes your identity and how it doesn’t have to define your future. I share practical steps to break free from these patterns, cut the “energetic umbilical cord,” and release shame. You’ll learn how to embrace your autonomy, honor your healing journey, and reclaim the authentic you. This episode is all about moving beyond the past, stepping into your power, and truly living your life on your terms.
Topics Covered:(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:00:11) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast
(00:02:27) Being yourself is good enough
(00:06:57) Invest in yourself
(00:10:38) Your relationship with your mother doesn’t define you
(00:13:17) Our mother is not our source
(00:16:22) Create your own sense of self
(00:19:09) Finding yourself through bold leaps
(00:24:32) Healing and playfulness
(00:27:21) Pay attention to your life
(00:28:34) Community is a pillar of re-parenting
(00:31:41) You are safe
Healing is Being Yourself - https://youtu.be/q72ZMAj5S9o?si=Jrav1LdHIFlMVH1G
Key Takeaways:
"Don't let fear, shame, guilt, apprehension, or anxiety stop you from exploring who you are."
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
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Reclaiming your space can be difficult, especially when it feels like you’re not being seen or heard. It can be tough to feel like you matter, which makes it harder to take up space in the world. However, sometimes, reclaiming your space means making small changes that help you feel seen and heard.
Healing is a journey, and it doesn’t follow a straight line. Embrace the discomfort, as it’s often part of the process. Every small act of self-recognition helps build trust with yourself, even when things feel difficult.
To heal, you must learn to take care of yourself the way you would a child—gently and with love. Acknowledge your needs and give yourself the freedom to express who you are without judgment or fear.
Ultimately, as you make small yet meaningful changes, you are not just healing—you are reclaiming the space that is truly yours. Every step you take is a reminder that you have the power to create a life where you feel seen, heard, and valued.
In this episode, I explore the concept of showing up authentically, both visually and audibly, without abandoning ourselves in the process. As I reflect on my own journey of healing, I share how I’ve learned to embrace my uniqueness, from wearing red lipstick as an act of resistance to discovering small ways to express myself. These practices allow me to be unapologetically myself, even in a world that often demands conformity. Join me as I discuss the importance of trusting our inner selves and finding ways to recognize and honor who we truly are.
Topics Covered:(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:00:10) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast
(00:01:11) Challenging traditional ideas of professionalism
(00:03:08) “I want to be myself “
(00:04:50) Embracing your visual self
(00:09:16) Whatever comes up is meant for you
(00:11:21) Claiming my existence
(00:15:10) What would make you feel better?
(00:17:00) How can your inner child show up visually?
(00:19:31) Face triggers and fears
(00:21:47) Get used to hearing your voice
(00:23:14) The Throat Chakra
(00:25:39) See who you really are
(00:27:17) You are doing an amazing job!
Key Takeaways:
"Sometimes you just need something small you can hold on to, like turquoise eyeliner."
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
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Healing and growth take time, and it all starts with being kind to yourself. A lot of us grew up with the idea of "tough love"—thinking that beating ourselves up would lead to success. But that’s not the case. You can’t shame yourself into happiness or worthiness. True healing comes from love, not from harsh criticism.
Take small steps, and be patient with yourself. Every moment of self-care, every kind thought you have about yourself, is progress. When you make peace with where you are right now, that’s when real transformation starts. Remember, you don’t need to be hard on yourself to be strong—you’re already strong by simply being yourself.
Success should feel good, not overwhelming. Your nervous system should stay intact, and you should enjoy the journey, not beat yourself up for every imperfection.
It’s all about changing the way you see yourself and learning to celebrate your own wins. It may take time, but keep practicing. Every time you appreciate yourself, you're strengthening your self-worth, and you’ll see positive changes in both your inner and outer world. Keep going, be gentle with yourself, and remember—you are already enough.
In this episode, I’m excited to share the importance of celebrating yourself on the healing journey. As we kick off the "Jumpstarting Your Healing" series for 2025, I encourage you to embrace self-love and honor your growth. Tune in as I discuss the power of self-recognition, building self-worth, and how healing the mother wound starts with appreciating and congratulating yourself. It’s time to create a new narrative where you lead the applause for your journey.
Topics Covered:(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:00:12) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast
(00:02:11) You Can't Heal While Beating Yourself Up
(00:05:05) Success Is Being Proud of Yourself
(00:07:59) Autonomy requires recognition
(00:11:20) Appreciate yourself
(00:15:42) Celebrate one thing about yourself each day
(00:17:59) Track your wins to build confidence
(00:21:25) Start breaking cycles
(00:23:31) Practice self-kindness
(00:25:06) Stop letting others define your worth
(00:27:14) Make a list of 30 things you love about you
Key Takeaways:
"The most powerful thing you can do in your life is to have an appreciation practice."
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
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How do you reset your life and embrace your true self?
For many of us, the new year brings a sense of pressure to start over or make big changes, but for those who have faced emotional pain or life challenges, the idea of beginning again can feel overwhelming. We may doubt whether it’s even possible to start fresh or heal from the wounds we carry.
Resetting your life begins with understanding that healing is about progress, not perfection. It’s about reconnecting with yourself and listening to parts of you that have been ignored. A key step is reconnecting with your inner child—the part of you that holds your dreams and desires. By listening to this voice, you can rediscover what truly matters and find clarity on your healing journey.
Take the first step today: pause and reflect on what your inner child needs to feel seen, heard, and loved. Allow yourself to embrace this process of healing, and trust that every small step you take is a step toward rediscovering your true self. You have the power to reset your life—start now and create the future you deserve.
In this episode, I’m kicking off a new year by talking about the power of fresh starts. As we step into 2025, it’s the perfect time to reset, heal, and embrace the changes that matter most to you. I’ll share how to build trust with yourself, tap into your inner child, and take simple steps to move forward. If you’re ready to start the year with intention and clarity, this episode is for you. Let’s make 2025 a year of transformation.
Topics Covered:(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:00:22) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast
(00:01:39) A time for reset
(00:03:36) Introducing the Healing Series
(00:04:42) Plan for the new year
(00:06:00) Podcast from where I’m most me
(00:08:41) Believing in myself
(00:11:51) How to reset your life
(00:13:21) Prioritize the smallest steps to big change
(00:17:10) Re-parenting is self-mastery
(00:19:30) 3 Simple Ways to Reset Your Life for 2025
(00:21:41) Your dreams matter
(00:22:31) You’re safe now
Key Takeaways:
"I talk myself out of trusting myself. I talk myself out of believing myself."
"Building a happy and healthy relationship with yourself... this is what healing is about."
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/blackmotherwound
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How do you create a life of safety?
For many of us, especially those who have faced emotional pain or trauma, feeling safe can seem out of reach. When we’ve experienced rejection or abandonment, it can be hard to trust and feel secure, even in our own lives.
Creating safety starts with understanding that it’s not just about being physically safe—it’s about feeling calm, secure, and free to be yourself. When we don’t feel safe, we are always on alert, reacting to life instead of living it fully. This can keep us stuck in patterns that prevent us from experiencing peace and happiness.
To create safety, we need to start by recognizing that we have the power to make it happen. It takes courage to heal and face the past, but it’s possible. We also need to learn to trust ourselves and set boundaries that protect our peace.
Building safety is about loving and accepting yourself. As you heal and create a safe space within, you can live authentically and embrace life with confidence. When you feel safe, you open the door to joy, love, and true freedom. Creating safety is the first step toward living a life full of peace and purpose.
In this episode, I invite you to journey with me as we explore the essential role safety plays in the healing process. I’ll share how cultivating a sense of safety within ourselves creates the foundation for love, self-care, and transformation. We’ll discuss how a lack of safety impacts our relationships and sense of self, and how embracing safety can be the first step toward building a life rooted in love and wholeness.
Topics Covered:(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:00:08) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast
(00:03:16) Safety: The foundation of healing
(00:04:46) Safety is love
(00:06:22) Why don't we feel safe?
(00:08:45) Not safe enough
(00:10:12) How the absence of safety shapes our choices
(00:13:10) Learn to keep yourself safe
(00:16:18) Safety comes with a choice
(00:18:08) The beauty of feeling safe
(00:21:32) Feeling safe starts with taking care of you
Key Takeaways:
"When you can't experience true joy, purpose, and peace, it's because you don't feel safe enough to relax."
"Shame is no safety at all."
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/blackmotherwound
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How do you uncover your true talents and purpose?
This question speaks to a deep desire many of us share: the need to connect with who we are at our core and live a life aligned with our unique gifts.
For those of us carrying the wounds of a strained relationship with our mother can feel especially daunting. Growing up without the validation of your authentic self can leave you unsure of your direction and disconnected from your inner strengths.
Reclaiming your purpose starts with understanding yourself on a deeper level—separating who you truly are from who you were conditioned to be. It requires courage, healing, and the willingness to rediscover the passions and values that make you unique.
Uncovering your talents and purpose is a journey of self-discovery, creativity, and courage. It’s about embracing what makes you unique and stepping into the fullness of who you are, unapologetically. As we explore this path, let our curiosity guide us and trust that our purpose will unfold in alignment with our gifts.
In this episode, I answer a listener's question about uncovering their talents and purpose. We’ll explore how healing the Black mother wound can open the door to discovering your authentic self. I’ll discuss the importance of reconnecting with your inner child, embracing your innate gifts, and building a deeper relationship with yourself. Together, we’ll reflect on childhood passions, values, and the importance of distinguishing talents from vocation. Tune in for an inspiring conversation about aligning your creativity, joy, and purpose to live authentically and intentionally.
Topics Covered:(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:00:10) Welcome to The Black Mother Wound Podcast
(00:03:09) How do you uncover your true talents and purpose?
(00:07:52) Find joy in your gifts
(00:10:38) What were the things that excited you as a child?
(00:14:02) Own what brings you joy
(00:22:52) Purpose is meant to fill you first
(00:25:08) Joy leads to purpose
(00:27:15) The vision is yours to see
(00:28:24) Celebrate your progress
Key Takeaways:
"You have to be tapped into your authentic self to truly uncover your talents, purpose, and gifts."
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/blackmotherwound
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Is it too late to be happy?
We all long for a life filled with joy, peace, and fulfillment. Deep down, we believe happiness should be an enduring part of our lives, no matter the challenges we face. Yet, as the years pass, we may wonder if life’s disappointments and missed chances mean we’ve run out of time to find happiness.
The truth is, it’s never too late to be happy.
The key lies in shifting how we view our lives and ourselves. It’s about embracing where you are right now and making a conscious decision to nurture joy, even in the smallest moments. Sometimes, that means letting go of the past and forgiving yourself for mistakes.
Happiness doesn’t require a perfect life or freedom from pain. It’s about finding moments of gratitude amid the chaos, embracing who you are today, and allowing yourself to grow in new directions. Happiness is still possible—right here, right now. All it takes is believing you deserve it and giving yourself permission to try.
I will share how embracing self-appreciation and gratitude can transform your journey to happiness. I’ll discuss how finding joy in the little moments and accepting where you are in life can shift your mindset. If you’re ready to embrace happiness, I’ve got some tips to help you get started. Tune in to learn how small shifts in perspective can create big changes and how to be kind to yourself along the way.
"We can pretend to be happy, but we can't truly be happy because we have rooted our happiness in conditions outside of our control."– Jennifer Arnise
Topics Covered:
(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:02:22) Is it too late to be happy?
(00:05:30) Achieving happiness
(00:07:15) True happiness starts within
(00:09:00) Do I have a piss poor appreciation practice?
(00:10:00) “Maybe I can be happy” affirmation
(00:12:44) Reparenting: Let yourself be seen
(00:15:52) The lies of shame
(00:17:52) External approval won’t fulfill you
(00:19:40) How self-appreciation changes everything
(00:21:34) True value of happiness
Key Takeaways:
"We can pretend to be happy, but we can't truly be happy because we have rooted our happiness in conditions outside of our control."– Jennifer Arnise
"When you think you have nothing, appreciate the things you do have."– Jennifer Arnise
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based o
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EP40: You Need to Start Paying Attention to Yourself
In this episode of the Black Mother Wound Podcast, host Jennifer Arnise shares her personal insights on the importance of self-care and the concept of reparenting oneself.
Reflecting on her own experiences with rest and relaxation, Jennifer discusses the challenges of maintaining self-care routines, especially during the holidays. She emphasizes the significance of paying close attention to one's own needs and patterns to develop a healthier, more loving relationship with oneself.
Jennifer also highlights the importance of understanding and accepting one's perceived flaws and encourages listeners to approach self-care with compassion and awareness. Additionally, she announces her return to her studio and thanks her community for their continued support during her recent move.
00:00 Introduction and Catching Up
00:53 The Importance of Rest and Self-Care
02:19 Understanding Human Design and Projectors
02:47 Creating a Dedicated Space for Creativity
03:45 Re-Entry Anxiety and Self-Understanding
04:55 Building a Healthy Relationship with Yourself
05:30 Reparenting and Self-Acceptance
15:18 Practical Tips for Self-Care and Preparation
23:00 Conclusion and Community Appreciation
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In this episode of the Black Mother Wound Podcast, host Jennifer Arnese explores her struggles with procrastination, anxiety, and feelings of unworthiness—all stemming from her mother wound. She candidly shares her journey of healing, self-reprogramming, and building trust in her own abilities. Jennifer discusses the impact of childhood programming on adult behavior and the importance of acting on intuitive inspiration immediately. This unplanned, raw conversation aims to resonate with listeners facing similar struggles and offers insight into navigating self-doubt and achieving personal growth.
00:00 Introduction to the Black Mother Wound Podcast
00:40 Facing Procrastination and Anxiety
04:50 The Impact of the Mother Wound
09:45 Navigating the Gap of Unworthiness
29:12 Trusting Yourself and Overcoming Doubt
35:28 Conclusion and Next Steps
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In this heartfelt episode of the Black Mother Wound podcast, I reflect on my personal healing journey amidst a staycation celebrating my 50th birthday.
I encourage you to embrace your own paths to happiness and authenticity, despite the challenges.
The episode underscores the importance of making choices for one's own growth and wellbeing.
00:26 Personal Reflections and Birthday Celebration
02:06 The Emotional Impact of Self-Acknowledgment
05:10 Healing from the Mother Wound
08:23 Empowerment and Self-Approval
18:27 The Importance of Autonomy
26:23 Final Thoughts and Life Update
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This is a different type of episode this week. All the cake, no icing. I’m in the middle of moving and my house is a pretty much packed up. So I recorded this week on my iphone while walking around the house.
Life should be back to normal in a few weeks but I kinda like this more candid, WYSIWYG vibe. And it prompted this weeks episode. How do you accept what is?
I hope you enjoy and let me know of you like this style of video or if you want me to go back to the “studio” version.
Luh you!
Bye
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The greatest challenge in healing is not the external obstacles but the internal beliefs we hold about ourselves. Healing is often misunderstood. Many of us believe that healing is like fixing a broken leg—it’s about making something that’s damaged whole again. However, healing is not just about repairing something broken; it's about understanding and transforming the way we perceive ourselves and our experiences. It's a deeply personal journey that involves examining and changing our internal beliefs and self-talk.
Thus, healing involves more than just addressing the hurt caused by others; it also requires working on the limiting beliefs we’ve developed as a result of that hurt. Indeed, the greatest challenge in healing is not the circumstances we face but our willingness to shift the way we see and take care of ourselves. When we focus on our needs and well-being, we start to see things differently. Healing happens when we decide to change the negative thoughts we have about ourselves, allowing us to move forward and create a future that isn’t held back by old beliefs. Remember, each step taken towards understanding and transforming these internal beliefs is a step towards reclaiming our true selves.
"The first thing that will further your healing goal is prioritizing yourself. To prioritize yourself, there must be a shift in your thinking."– Jennifer Arnise
Topics Covered:
(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:01:43) Prioritizing what matters
(00:03:45) Being good to myself
(00:05:07) Healing is a change of perception
(00:07:01) What does it mean to be healed?
(00:09:04) Do less and have more
(00:11:08) Embracing the long road of healing
(00:12:29) Challenging self-limiting beliefs
(00:14:25) Changing how you see yourself
(00:18:05) It’s harder to stay where you are
(00:20:23) How would my life change for the better?
(00:22:29) Healing works best with support
Key Takeaways:
"Some things have to get done, some things can wait till later."– Jennifer Arnise
"You can have a better body, more money, more friends and not be healed."– Jennifer Arnise
"If you cannot change the way you see yourself, nothing else is gonna change."– Jennifer Arnise
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/
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In life, it’s easy to be tough and assertive when we’re defending someone else or fighting for a cause. We might stand up with confidence and take action when we see injustice or when someone we care about is being treated unfairly. But when it comes to standing up for ourselves, many of us hesitate or even back down. There’s often a sense of guilt associated with prioritizing our own needs.
However, we must learn to advocate for ourselves, speak up, and set healthy boundaries. Remember, boundaries are statements about what you want and need. They are not a conversation to negotiate or a tool to change others' behavior. Instead, they are personal guidelines for how you will respond in situations where your needs are not met. Boundaries are the lines we draw to protect ourselves from being overwhelmed, disrespected, or taken advantage of. Therefore, we must not allow others to cross these lines because when we fail to establish clear boundaries, we risk losing our sense of self.
Topics Covered:
(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:03:43) How the mother wound affects our communication
(00:05:00) Children being seen and not heard
(00:06:12) How gossip takes over women conversation
(00:08:47) Setting a boundary
(00:11:02) Understanding the four parts of boundaries
(00:13:52) How you feel is not up for negotiation
(00:15:09) Understanding how you feel
(00:16:06) Prioritizing how others affect you
(00:19:46) Stand up for yourself
(00:21:26) Don’t settle for ‘what should be’
(00:22:50) Being guilty vs feeling guilty
(00:23:57) Healing the fear of punishment
(00:25:23) The power of speaking up
Key Takeaways:
"Most people think a boundary is a conversation, something to be negotiated. It is not; it is a statement."– Jennifer Arnise
"Healing your mother wound is all about you regaining autonomy."– Jennifer Arnise
"Most people think a boundary is a conversation, something to be negotiated. It is not; it is a statement."– Jennifer Arnise
"You have the power to build a new reality of support and community around you."– Jennifer Arnise
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/blackmotherwound
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In our quest for happiness, we often look outward for validation and affection. We frequently invest so much energy in seeking approval from those around us. We want to hear loving words, experience acceptance, and feel nurtured and valued. Many of us grow up longing for the kind of love we believe should come from our mothers. We look for it in relationships, achievements, and approval from others, thinking that these will fill the void within us. But the truth is, the love and acceptance we crave don’t necessarily come from others; they must first come from within.
We must realize that self-love is not a grand or complicated concept. It’s about understanding that we deserve to feel good and be kind to ourselves. When we learn to nurture ourselves, to speak kindly to ourselves, and to prioritize our own needs, we start to build a foundation of self-acceptance that is unshakable by external circumstances. It’s not about dismissing the value of external validation but about realizing that true contentment begins with self-love. Remember, self-love means treating ourselves with the same compassion we would offer a dear friend.
Topics Covered:
(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:02:03) Gratitude for support
(00:04:41) Cycle of self-blame
(00:06:10) Why we are our own worst critics
(00:07:41) Feel at home in yourself
(00:09:32) The manipulation of love
(00:12:19) Do you like yourself?
(00:14:43) Healing needs changing
(00:16:13) Showing up flawed
(00:18:27) How acting despite flaws reflects self-love
(00:21:40) Listen to yourself
(00:22:28) Treat yourself with curiosity
(00:24:56) How lightheartedness enhances self-comfort
(00:25:58) Build healthier ways to treat yourself
Key Takeaways:
"The reason I want you to heal your mother wound is so you can feel at home in your own body, your own mind so you can belong to someone."– Jennifer Arnise
"Healing your mother wound is about changing your actions, your habits and your patterns."– Jennifer Arnise
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/blackmotherwound
Sign-up for the RESOLVE Mother Wound Healing Group Waitlist today!http://bit.ly/resolvewaitlist
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Everyone wants to have a positive, loving relationship with their mother. We all dream of a bond built on trust, kindness, and mutual respect. There is a special part of our hearts that aims to protect them, please them, and make them proud. We imagine that this deep connection will bring joy and fulfillment, and we work hard to achieve it, even when it feels challenging.
But what if, despite our best efforts, we find ourselves feeling more hurt and frustrated rather than loved and valued?
It’s important to understand that you don’t have to endure a relationship that continually causes you stress and sadness. Valuing yourself means recognizing when a relationship is harmful and making the choice to protect your own mental and emotional health. Going no contact, though a difficult decision, can sometimes be necessary to stop the cycle of pain and start healing. Choosing to prioritize your own well-being is not an easy path, but it is often the first step toward finding peace and building healthier relationships.
In this episode, I will share with you the challenges and benefits of going "no contact" with your mother, especially when the relationship is causing you stress, pain, and emotional strain. We'll explore what it means to take that step, why some people feel it's necessary, and the benefits and challenges that come with it.
Topics Covered:
(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:01:25) What does “no contact” mean?
(00:02:08) The emotional cost of protecting yourself from your mother
(00:05:25) The burden of protecting your mother’s feelings
(00:07:36) Choose yourself
(00:08:51) Clearing the voice in your head
(00:12:05) The challenges of going no contact with your mother
(00:14:58) When family ties hurt
(00:17:45) Build other relationships
(00:19:40) Learning to live on my own
(00:23:19) Rules of no contact
(00:24:44) Start setting boundaries
Key Takeaways:
"When we have to face reality, we have to bury the dream of the mother we've always wanted."– Jennifer Arnise
"Do not think that you can change your mother and make her the villain in the story when you have not taken responsibility for your own life."– Jennifer Arnise
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/blackmotherwound
Sign-up for the RESOLVE Mother Wound Healing Group Waitlist today!http://bit.ly/resolvewaitlist
Support the Show.
Join my 6-Week Mother Wound Healing Course
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Becoming your true self is a journey that involves understanding who you are and being brave enough to show it. It’s about making choices that align with your own values and not just following what others expect of you. In today’s world, many of us struggle to stay true to ourselves because we’re constantly bombarded with opinions and expectations from others. We might find ourselves trapped in roles and identities created by the expectations and influences of those around us—especially our mothers. Many people live under the shadow of their upbringing, which can be exhausting and disempowering. However, this does not have to define our lives.
Being your true self can be challenging, even though it’s who you really are inside. The pressures to fit in, fear of disapproval, self-doubt, and breaking old habits can make it tough. However, taking steps toward your true self is worth it. We must realize that living authentically brings a sense of peace and fulfillment that can’t be found by trying to meet others' expectations. It means giving ourselves permission to explore our own interests and make choices that reflect our true desires and values. It involves saying no to things that don't align with your values to prioritize your own well-being even if it means facing criticism.
In this episode, I will guide you through the journey of discovering and embracing your authentic self. We’ll look at how to let go of old habits shaped by past relationships and learn about your core values, needs, and feelings to create a life that truly represents who you are.
Topics Covered:
(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:01:13) Impact of conditioned identity
(00:03:03) What makes up your identity?
(00:04:28) Living your values
(00:06:27) Understanding your needs
(00:08:06) What are your preferences?
(00:09:03) Understand your emotion
(00:11:18) The importance of authentic identity
(00:14:31) Embrace authenticity without fear
(00:17:48) The power of creating a new identity
Key Takeaways:
"Oftentimes we have selected values that we're not actually living by."– Jennifer Arnise
"Pretending to be someone that you're not, is exhausting and it turns you into a liar and a manipulator."– Jennifer Arnise
"When you reparent yourself, you become your true self. "– Jennifer Arnise
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/blackmotherwound
Support the Show.
Join my 6-Week Mother Wound Healing Course
How we can stay connected and work together!
1.Sign-up for my Mother Wound Group Healing Intensive
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“To trust oneself is the first step to truly living.” When we think about trust, we often focus on trusting others. However, one of the most important forms of trust is self-trust. Many of us struggle with self-trust, feeling uncertain about our decisions and abilities. This lack of trust often stems from our early relationships, particularly with our mothers. Growing up, seeking approval and guidance from our mothers is natural, but if this relationship is marked by control or criticism, it can leave us feeling incapable of making our own decisions.
Building self-trust starts with acknowledging our own strengths and capabilities. It involves making decisions, even small ones, and reflecting on their outcomes without excessive self-judgment. Each decision we make, successful or not, is an opportunity to learn and grow. Remember, self-trust is not an overnight transformation but a continuous journey. It takes self-compassion, practice, and consistent effort to build.
In this episode, I will explore the journey of learning to trust yourself and healing from the impact of a mother wound. I will break down why many of us struggle with trusting our own decisions and how this can deeply affect our lives.
Topics Covered:
(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:01:53) Self-trust is the cornerstone of healing
(00:03:47) How a mother’s trust shapes her child
(00:05:09) The comfort zone trap
(00:08:01) How not trusting yourself leads to self-rejection
(00:10:20) Empower yourself through small decisions
(00:13:07) Overcoming childlike fears
(00:16:04) Aligning your actions with your words
(00:18:42) Take care of yourself first
(00:23:53) The impact of shame on self-trust
Key Takeaways:
“But why would you trust yourself if you have no track record of having a solid sense of integrity with yourself?"– Jennifer Arnise
“When you start to take care of yourself, yourself starts to take care of you and that builds self-trust."– Jennifer Arnise
“Healing your mother wound is about having autonomy and that is impossible without self-trust."– Jennifer Arnise
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/blackmotherwound
Sign-up for the RESOLVE Mother Wound Healing Group Waitlist today!http://bit.ly/resolvewaitlist
Support the Show.
Join my 6-Week Mother Wound Healing Course
How we can stay connected and work together!
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Sign-up for my Mother Wound Group course waitlist - RESOLVE is going Live this week! Sign-up to get the emails to join.
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We’ve heard a lot about how mothers sacrifice everything to fulfill society's expectations of them, despite the trauma they may carry. Every mother deserves respect and honor, especially from their children. However, we cannot expect them to be perfect in every way. There will always be shortcomings or mistakes along their parenting journey. Sometimes, children will disagree with their mothers about certain things, especially as they grow up.
In our society, there's a strong belief that disagreeing with our moms is always disrespectful or rebellious. It can make us feel like we're doing something terribly wrong, even sinful, leading to guilt and self-doubt. Thus, we must realize that disagreeing with our mothers doesn't mean we don't love or respect them. It means we're learning to think for ourselves and make decisions. Healing from this mother wound means setting healthy boundaries and choosing paths that support our well-being without feeling guilty. Remember, respect goes both ways, and part of that respect is allowing space for open communication and understanding.
In this episode, I will unravel the myths surrounding disagreeing with your mother, redefine what it means to honor our mothers while honoring ourselves, and explore how to approach disagreements with integrity and courage.
Topics Covered:
(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:00:46) The myth of disagreeing with your mother
(00:02:31) Unique challenges of the black mother wound
(00:03:43) A mother’s fear of losing control
(00:05:43) To disagree is to disrespect
(00:06:46) The price of speaking truth to our mothers
(00:09:43) What does respect truly entail?
(00:12:36) How can I honestly disagree with my mother?
(00:13:52) What will happen if you do things differently?
(00:16:27) A mother’s love will encourage independence
(00:19:14) How do I get her to see me?
(00:21:15) Feeling guilty is not guilty
(00:23:34) To disagree is to set your boundary
Key Takeaways:
"You cannot heal your life without your life-changing. You're going to have to do things differently."– Jennifer Arnise
"Feeling guilty is not guilty, it's a programming that you have in your mind that when you advocate for yourself you are wrong in any way."– Jennifer Arnise
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/blackmotherwound
Sign-up for the RESOLVE Mother Wound Healing Group Waitlist today!http://bit.ly/resolvewaitlist
Support the Show.
How we can stay connected and work together!
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Sign-up for my Mother Wound Group course waitlist
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Download my FREE Black Mother Wound Healing Guide
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How do our relationships with our mother impact the way we connect with friends today?
Friends are essential pillars of support and companionship in our lives. They offer us not only camaraderie but also emotional sustenance and validation. However, our ability to form and maintain these friendships can be deeply influenced by our relationship with our mothers. When our mothers couldn't provide us with the emotional support we needed, we might unconsciously seek these from our friends instead which can lead to overcommitting in friendships, where we strive to be everything to everyone. We may fear disappointing others if we don't constantly give and sacrifice for them.
The journey of healing begins from within. Sometimes what we fail to realize is that the wounds we carry from our relationship with our mother can never be healed simply by being the best friend for others but through being a better friend for yourself. It requires acknowledging our own needs, setting healthy boundaries, and learning to prioritize our well-being without guilt or fear of disappointing others.
In this episode, I will share insights into how overcommitting in friendships can be traced back to our relationships with our mothers.
Topics Covered:
(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:02:09) Overextending in friendships
(00:03:19) Healthy relationship requires reciprocity
(00:04:46) Accustomed to lack
(00:06:05) Are you struggling with the effects of a challenging relationship with your mother? Ready for change? Go to https://jenniferarnise.systeme.io/resolvewaitlist to join Resolve, our six-week group healing program, and start your journey to healing and self-discovery.
(00:07:02) Healthy friendships start with self
(00:08:04) Recognize your true feelings
(00:11:18) The process of building better relationships
(00:13:11) Overcommitting in friendships
(00:14:31) What does friendship mean to you?
(00:15:30) Start living your life
(00:17:01) Undo self-rejection and abandonment
(00:18:41) It's your job to rescue yourself.
Key Takeaways:
"When we grow up and we get into friendship, we become obsessed with people thinking that we are all the things that our mother wasn't to us."– Jennifer Arnise
"You can only have healthy friendships when you start being a good friend to yourself."– Jennifer Arnise
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Connect on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/blackmotherwound
Support the Show.
How we can stay connected and work together!
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Sign-up for my Mother Wound Group course waitlist
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Download my FREE Black Mother Wound Healing Guide
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What does it mean to grieve the mother-daughter relationship we’ll never have?
Growing up, we all have an image of what a mother should be — nurturing, loving, and a source of unwavering support. Yet, for many, this ideal remains just that: an ideal. Instead, reality can be far from it, leaving a void that shapes our lives in profound ways. As children, we instinctively seek comfort, guidance, and affirmation from our mothers. However, when these foundational needs go unmet, it sets the stage for a journey marked by longing, introspection, and ultimately, grieving the absence of the mother we never had.
Many of us hold onto the hope that our mothers will change, but in reality, trying to get her to be different only hurts us more. It prevents us from truly healing. Grieving this loss is hard, but it’s necessary. It’s like opening a door to a new life where you can find more love and peace. This process involves acknowledging and feeling your emotions, taking care of yourself, and finding freedom in acceptance. Remember, this journey is about healing your relationship with yourself, not just with your mother.
In this episode, I will guide you on the journey of grieving the mother you'll never have and finding solace in nurturing your own unmet needs.
Topics Covered:
(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:01:54) Grief doesn't have a fixed timeline
(00:03:00) Moving past the shame response
(00:05:34) Show up for yourself
(00:07:44) Finding freedom in focusing on oneself
(00:09:20) The true role of mothers
(00:11:19) How does forgiveness play into grieving the mother that we'll never have?
(00:14:12) Accepting your mother’s limitations
(00:16:41) Build a healthy relationship with yourself
(00:19:07) Build a support system around you
(00:20:58) Hold yourself in high regard
(00:22:48) Move beyond manipulation
(00:24:30) Be easy with yourself
Key Takeaways:
“When you can grieve the mother you've never had, you can also grieve the person you've pretended to be. From there you can begin to live authentically. – Jennifer Arnise
“The grieving process is like a birthing ground for something else to come.”– Jennifer Arnise
“The hardest pill you're ever going to swallow is the acceptance that you were treated poorly, neglected, abused.”– Jennifer Arnise
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my ow
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How do you meet the needs your mother never met? There is no perfect parent, just as there is no perfect human. Some parents were unable to provide for their children materially and financially. However, there are needs that surpass those things, which we often neglect and set aside. Every person has emotional needs such as tenderness, patience, grace, understanding, and acceptance. When emotional needs are left unmet, they can significantly impact our behavior toward others and, especially, toward ourselves. Most people in this situation tend to mirror the rejection they received from others, being hard on themselves, and even neglecting the healing they truly need.
Healing from the needs your mother never met is never easy. It takes small, committed steps of self-care and self-control. It means letting go of and unlearning the habits you have become accustomed to. It involves spending time with yourself and seeking quietness to hear yourself clearly and understand your needs. It can also mean trusting yourself and being patient and appreciative of your progress. Remember, it's not your fault for what happened to you, but it's your responsibility to fix it. Stop blaming your parents, even if you have the power to, because healing cannot prosper there.
In this episode, I will guide you through the essential steps of recognizing and addressing your unmet needs.
“You're only healing if your life is changing and your life can only change when you take different actions." – Jennifer Arnise
Topics Covered:
(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
(00:02:29) The unmet emotional needs
(00:05:05) The role of quietness in nurturing unmet needs
(00:06:39) The inability to advocate for oneself
(00:08:43) Getting honest about self-treatment
(00:10:06) The habit of self-tenderness
(00:11:58) Create a habit of appreciation
(00:13:32) Healing work takes time
(00:15:07) Building self-trust through budgeting
(00:16:38) Take small actions that build up your life
(00:17:23) What does it mean to reparent yourself?
(00:20:19) Through the Battleground to Freedom
(00:22:12) Commit to yourself
(00:23:19) Healing work can be lonely
(00:24:12) The benefit of meeting your unmet needs
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Key Takeaways:
“Healing your mother wound is not about you and your mother, it's about you and you." – Jennifer Arnise
Connect with Jennifer Arnise:
Website: https://jenniferarnise.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/blackmotherwound/
Twitter: https://x.com/jenniferarnise
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/jenniferarnise
Podcast: https://jenniferarnise.com/podcast/
Email: info@jenniferarnise.com
Support the Show.
Click here to start your healing journey.LET’S CONNECT ON IG Connect with Me: Youtube
In this week's episode I talk about the biggest mistake I made during my healing journey and how healing my mother wound helped me get back on track.
If you're interested in joining my Mother Wound Healing Group Intensive you can sign up for the waitlist.
Support the show
Click here to start your healing journey.LET’S CONNECT ON IG Connect with Me: Youtube
Support the show
Click here to start your healing journey.LET’S CONNECT ON IG Connect with Me: Youtube
In this week's episode we unpack the dynamics of creating a healthy relationship with yourself. Healing your mother wound is done by reparenting your inner child. And you reparent by creating a healthy and loving relationship with yourself.
Here are some questions I answered in this episode.
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What do you mean when you say having a relationship with yourself?
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How does the relationship with your mother effect the relationship with yourself?
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How does someone know if they have a bad relationship with themselves?
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Why should someone want a healthy relationship with themselves?
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Why don’t more people focus on this relationship with self?
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What do I do to fix the relationship with myself?
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What are the first three things I need to start or stop doing to build a healthy self relationship?
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How long does it take to build a healthy self relationship?
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How does someone’s life change when they have a healthy relationship with themselves?
As always, hit me up at info@jenniferarnise@gmail.com if you have any questions.
Click the link below for my free Black Mother Wound Healing Guide. It's so fire and will help you get past some of those stubborn emotions and offer you clarity and empowerment on next steps.
Ok, bye...love you!!
Support the show
Click here to start your healing journey.LET’S CONNECT ON IG Connect with Me: Youtube
This week we focus on the work of building a healthy relationship with ourselves by developing a strong sense of self-trust. I talk all the time about how healing our mother wound has nothing to do with the relationship with our mother and everything to do with the relationship we have with ourselves.
And to put it plainly, you have fucked up, neglectful and probably pretty sucky relationship with yourself. It makes sense. There's a good chance you treat you how she treated or treats you.
In this episode we unpack why self trust is the most fundamental piece needed in building a healthy loving relationship with you.
As always, hit me up if you have any questions or need me info@jenniferarnise.com and click the link below to get my free Mother Wound Healing Guide. xoxo
Support the show
Click here to start your healing journey.LET’S CONNECT ON IG Connect with Me: Youtube
In today's episode I dig into the never ending longing we have to get our mother to admit to her wrong doing. I go over why we do, why we need to stop and what to do instead.
For more healing resources check out my store.
Support the show
Click here to start your healing journey.LET’S CONNECT ON IG Connect with Me: Youtube
Ladies, why is it so dam hard to talk about our mamas and how she treated us? I've got the answers and what you can do about it in this episode.
If you're ready to begin your healing journy, click here to download your FREE Black Mother Wound Healing Guide and join our incredible healing community.
Support the show
Click here to start your healing journey.LET’S CONNECT ON IG Connect with Me: Youtube
Click here to start your healing journey.LET’S CONNECT ON IG Connect with Me: Youtube Season Two is here! This week is the first episode of the new season. We’ve got a new podcast name but the same work! In this episode I’m talking about how life been lifin and what its like to have a mother to tell your your doing a good job and the toll it plays on your self-esteem and self-worth. Then we talk about how to refine our healing plan while setting realistic expectations when frustration sets it. Make sure you tune in as we jump start Season 2 with a BANG!
Support the show
Click here to start your healing journey.LET’S CONNECT ON IG Connect with Me: Youtube
Hey y'all! This week we're taking it easy on ourselves and I'm showing you how. I've been burning the candle at both ends and neglecting my healing and it shows. So I'm unpacking (as usual) and giving advice on how we can show up for ourselves and our purpose at the same dam time.
Here's the link to the Video Replay classes I talked about in the episode: bit.ly/MotherWoundVideos
Use this link if you're interested in having me as your coach: bit.ly/healedmoney
Jennifer Arnise is a Spiritual Coach/Mentor and Intuitive Healer, speaker and author who helps Black women heal from the painful relationship with their mother so the can love themselves fully and experience more passion, pleasure, joy and fulfillment in their lives.
Interested in working with me? bit.ly/healedmoney
IG: @iamjenniferarnise
BUSINESS INQUIRIES: info@jenniferarnise.com
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Support the show
In this episode I talk about how healing has changed my life and explain the process of using your dreams to propel your healing journey. It's a candid and free flowing talk that will hopefully give you more direction and answer some of your "Jennifer, how do I...?" questions
Jennifer Arnise is a Spiritual Coach/Mentor and Intuitive Healer, speaker and author who helps Black women heal from the painful relationship with their mother so the can love themselves fully and experience more passion, pleasure, joy and fulfillment in their lives.
Interested in working with me? Book a call for us to chat - bit.ly/healedmoney
IG: @iamjenniferarnise
BUSINESS INQUIRIES: info@jenniferarnise.com
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Support the show
In today’s episode…
→We made it through another Mother’s Day…and how to comparison and believing how things SHOULD be is leaving you stuck in your healing.
→We also hit 10,000 episode downloads! THANK YOU guys so much! We are just getting started and there’s so much more in store for this community.
→How is your mother wound showing up in your money? Your dream is languishing because you haven’t taken control of healing and you’re waiting on fate or time to make it better. But guess what sis…it ain’t gonna happen. We discuss how healing is an action verb and if your life isn’t changing, are you really healing?
→I introduced my new group coaching program for entrepreneurs who are ready to pair healing the mother wound with growing a profitable and passionate business.
Use this link to schedule a call with me and learn more - bit.ly/healedmoney
Jennifer Arnise is a Spiritual Coach/Mentor and Intuitive Healer, speaker and author who helps Black women heal from the painful relationship with their mother so the can love themselves fully and experience more passion, pleasure, joy and fulfillment in their lives.
Interested in working with me? bit.ly/healedmoney
IG: @iamjenniferarnise
BUSINESS INQUIRIES: info@jenniferarnise.com
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Support the show
GRAB MY MOTHER WOUND HEALING CLASS REPLAY BUNDLE (OVER 12 HOURS OF TEACHING AND HEALING CONTENT) - https://bit.ly/MotherWoundVideos
Jennifer Arnise is a Spiritual Coach/Mentor and Intuitive Healer, speaker and author who helps Black women heal from the painful relationship with their mother so the can love themselves fully and experience more passion, pleasure, joy and fulfillment in their lives.
MY BOOK: http://Amazon.com/dp/B07C74RBY2
Connect with Me:
Instagram | Youtube
BUSINESS INQUIRIES: info@jenniferarnise.com
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Support the show
This week I complete the 4 episode series introducing the methodology I use to help my clients heal their mother wound. Pillar four is all about joy.
GRAB MY MOTHER WOUND HEALING CLASS REPLAY BUNDLE (OVER 12 HOURS OF TEACHING AND HEALING CONTENT) - https://bit.ly/MotherWoundVideos
**Disclaimer: My audio is a little janky this week bc my mic wasn't connected properly. I apologize in advance and we'll be back to normal next week.
Jennifer Arnise is a Spiritual Coach/Mentor and Intuitive Healer, speaker and author who helps Black women heal from the painful relationship with their mother so the can love themselves fully and experience more passion, pleasure, joy and fulfillment in their lives.
MY BOOK: Fuck That Cape: http://Amazon.com/dp/B07C74RBY2
YOUTUBE CHANNEL: https://www.youtube.com/c/Jenniferarnise
IG: https://www.instagram.com/iamjenniferarnise
BUSINESS INQUIRIES: info@jenniferarnise.com
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Support the show
Do you think you take good care of yourself? You shower, brush your teeth, comb your hair and that’s it. Do you even eat breakfast? I hate using the word self-care because it’s been commodified to mean facials and manicures.
In this week's episode we explore the 3rd pillar of reparenting...SELF-CARE. The intention behind self-care that makes it powerful and potent is rooted in 1. PATIENCE 2. COMPASSION 3. ACCEPTANCE. Self-care isn’t actually what you do, it’s how you do it. Care for the self isn’t primarily rooted in external activities. It’ how you can inject everyday activities with patience, compassion and acceptance towards ourselves. And in order to do this you have to be present. You have to be aware of what your SELF is asking for at any given moment in time.
The hardest part of centering and caring for yourself is battling your thoughts and feelings of unworthiness. Who am I to be happy? Who am I to know joy? If I deserved to be cared for then my mother would’ve cared for me. The belief we carry is that if she didn't love us then we must not love ourselves and no one can love. She’s our mother and she has to be right so we keep upholding the lesson as a way of showing we are worthy of her love by not challenging that thoughts about you.
By the end of this powerful episode you'll have a clear understanding of what Self-care really is and how you can create a powerful and life changing practice.
Jennifer Arnise is a Spiritual Coach/Mentor and Intuitive Healer, speaker and author who who helps Black women heal from the painful relationship with their mother so the can love themselves fully and experience more passion, pleasure, joy and fulfillment in their lives.
MY FREE HEALING GUIDE: Black Mother Wound Healing Guide https://bit.ly/healingguideYT
BUY MY BOOK: Fuck That Cape: The Grown Woman’s Unapologetic Guide to Putting Herself First http://Amazon.com/dp/B07C74RBY2
SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL: https://www.youtube.com/c/Jenniferarnise
LISTEN TO THE SHE IS LOVED PROJECT PODCAST: https://apple.co/34vKes2
LET’S CONNECT ON IG: https://www.instagram.com/iamjenniferarnise
BUSINESS INQUIRIES: Email me at info@jenniferarnise.com
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Support the show
In this weeks episode, I'm diving into the second of the four pillars of Reparenting. Your nervous system is "Your nervous system is your body’s command center. Originating from your brain, it controls your movements, thoughts and automatic responses to the world around you. It also controls other body systems and processes, such as digestion, breathing and sexual development (puberty)." *clevelandclinic.org
LEARN MORE HERE & HERE
When our nervous system is thrown out of whack because of consistent emotional/physical/mental neglect sends messages to your mind that you are in some form of danger and from there you nervous system practices maladaptive tools it learned in childhood.
In this episode go through how I use my five senses to calm and regulate my nervous system so I can sooth my inner child and give her new messages and let her know that she is safe and can relax and let go of old pain.
Next week we'll talk about the third pillar and begin putting the process together even more.
Jennifer Arnise is a Spiritual Coach/Mentor and Intuitive Healer, speaker and author who who helps Black women heal from the painful relationship with their mother so the can love themselves fully and experience more passion, pleasure, joy and fulfillment in their lives.
CLICK HERE TO WORK WITH ME
SUBSCRIBE TO HEALING COMMUNITY AND GET MY FREE HEALING GUIDE: Black Mother Wound Healing Guide https://bit.ly/healingguideYT
BUY MY BOOK: Fuck That Cape: The Grown Woman’s Unapologetic Guide to Putting Herself First http://Amazon.com/dp/B07C74RBY2
LET’S CONNECT ON IG: https://www.instagram.com/iamjenniferarnise
BUSINESS INQUIRIES: Email me at info@jenniferarnise.com
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/thesheislovedproject)
GRAB MY MOTHER WOUND HEALING CLASS REPLAY BUNDLE (OVER 12 HOURS OF TEACHING AND HEALING CONTENT) - https://bit.ly/MotherWoundVideosI ain't gone lie. Learning to comfort and nurture myself back to love has been one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Mainly, I didn't think I was worth it. So I felt like a fraud who was destined to feel alone and unworthy for the rest of their life. I'm so glad I was wrong. Even though healing and coming back to myself has been a journey. It's one of the single most impactful and important commitments I've EVER made. And it was a commitment I made to MYSELF.
In this week's episode I'm giving you and I some encouragement to commit to tenderness. When we're raised by an emotionally absent mother we learned to be tough and strong. But that strength became our greatest weakness. We unpack it today and walk away with some actionable tools to further our healing journey.
Jennifer Arnise is a Spiritual Coach/Mentor and Intuitive Healer, speaker and author who who helps Black women heal from the painful relationship with their mother so the can love themselves fully and experience more passion, pleasure, joy and fulfillment in their lives. JenniferArnise.com
MY FREE HEALING GUIDE: Black Mother Wound Healing Guide https://bit.ly/healingguideYT
BUY MY BOOK: Fuck That Cape: The Grown Woman’s Unapologetic Guide to Putting Herself First http://Amazon.com/dp/B07C74RBY2
SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL: https://www.youtube.com/c/Jenniferarnise
LET’S CONNECT ON IG: https://www.instagram.com/iamjenniferarnise
BUSINESS INQUIRIES: Email me at info@jenniferarnise.com
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Support the show
When you've grown up with a challenging relationship with your mother it can make dating feel like the Hunger Games. In this episode I unpack my new choices around dating and how I'm discovering the ways I've given myself away for the sake of being loved by a man.
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/thesheislovedproject)
This was my hardest episode to record thus far. Jeeeeez! I felt like I was all over the place because this was the first time I really talked at length about how my mom treated me in comparison to how she treated my younger brother. It felt good to finally give my inner child a voice to some pretty fucked up experiences she had to go through growing up. I shared because I know I'm not the only one and I'm still processing and learning how not to gas light myself and instead believe myself and center my experiences even if others won't.
I hope you find this episode valuable on your healing journey if you've gone through something similar. Love you!
MY FREE MOTHER WOUND HEALING GUIDE: https://bit.ly/healingguidep
BUY MY BOOK: Fuck That Cape: http://Amazon.com/dp/B07C74RBY2
SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL: https://www.youtube.com/c/Jenniferarnise
LISTEN TO THE SHE IS LOVED PROJECT PODCAST: https://apple.co/34vKes2
LET’S CONNECT ON IG: https://www.instagram.com/iamjenniferarnise
BUSINESS INQUIRIES: Email me at info@jenniferarnise.com
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/thesheislovedproject)
In today’s episode I talk about how being raised to be an obedient Black girl caused you to grow up into a woman who lacks autonomy and walks around parading as a strong Black woman. When you’re not allowed to mature emotionally.
Jennifer Arnise is a Spiritual Coach/Mentor and Intuitive Healer, speaker and author who who helps Black women heal from the painful relationship with their mother so the can love themselves fully and experience more passion, pleasure, joy and fulfillment in their lives.
This Podcast contains content that may be emotionally triggering. Please be kind to yourself.
MY FREE MOTHER WOUND HEALING GUIDE: https://bit.ly/healingguidep
BUY MY BOOK: Fuck That Cape: http://Amazon.com/dp/B07C74RBY2
SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL: https://www.youtube.com/c/Jenniferarnise
LET’S CONNECT ON IG: https://www.instagram.com/iamjenniferarnise
BUSINESS INQUIRIES: Email me at info@jenniferarnise.com
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911.
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/thesheislovedproject)
Being a Strong Black Woman is played out. You've been doing everything on your own because you believe that no one will be there for you. If you grew up with an emotionally, mentally or physically absent mother getting your needs met in a way that made you feel seen, heard and loved, you probably don't believe you can count on anyone. In this episode I talk about how being hyper independent is a trauma response and how you can begin healing that wound and start building supporting relationships where people can help and show up for you.
Jennifer Arnise is a Spiritual Coach/Mentor and Intuitive Healer, speaker and author who who helps Black women heal from the painful relationship with their mother so the can love themselves fully and experience more passion, pleasure, joy and fulfillment in their lives.
MY FREE MOTHER WOUND HEALING GUIDE: https://bit.ly/healingguidep
BUY MY BOOK: Fuck That Cape: http://Amazon.com/dp/B07C74RBY2
SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL: https://www.youtube.com/c/Jenniferarnise
LISTEN TO THE SHE IS LOVED PROJECT PODCAST: https://apple.co/34vKes2
LET’S CONNECT ON IG: https://www.instagram.com/iamjenniferarnise
BUSINESS INQUIRIES: Email me at info@jenniferarnise.com
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/thesheislovedproject)
Jennifer Arnise is a Spiritual Coach/Mentor and Intuitive Healer, speaker and author who who helps Black women heal from the painful relationship with their mother so the can love themselves fully and experience more passion, pleasure, joy and fulfillment in their lives.
MY FREE MOTHER WOUND HEALING GUIDE: https://bit.ly/healingguidep
BUY MY BOOK: Fuck That Cape: http://Amazon.com/dp/B07C74RBY2
SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL: https://www.youtube.com/c/Jenniferarnise
LISTEN TO THE SHE IS LOVED PROJECT PODCAST: https://apple.co/34vKes2
LET’S CONNECT ON IG: https://www.instagram.com/iamjenniferarnise
BUSINESS INQUIRIES: Email me at info@jenniferarnise.com
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/thesheislovedproject)
Attempting to drag your toxic mother across the healing finish line so that YOU can receive your trophy of peace, happiness, and the fairytale version of the relationship you want with her isn't going to happen. Your race belongs to you and you alone. The concept of healing alone is one of the many harsh realities that wounded daughters must accept. In this episode, I want to help you reframe the way you view healing - it will be difficult, at times- but trust that you ARE the woman for the job.
You might be asking yourself, why can't we heal together?
The answer is usually because of our mother's own unhealed trauma and her out-of-date methods for coping. Unless your mother is ready to heal herself, she will not be an active participant in your recovery.
Takeaways:
- The idea of holding black mothers on a pedestal is and has always been unhealthy. Healing your Black Mother Wound will make some people uncomfortable as you go against the status quo. The She Is Loved Project is here to support you.
- The fantasy of who we believe our mothers ought to keep us from healing. In this episode, I share tips for letting go of the illusion and creating a positive reality for yourself.
- All of our mothers are dealing with something, but I have found that if your mother is dealing with gender/racial-based trauma coupled with - rape, molestation, and incest, you must understand that she cannot participate in your healing until she deals with her own.
Highlights
- [00:02:03] Healing your Mother Wound has nothing to do with healing, fixing, or repairing the relationship with your mother - it's time for some tough love.
- [00:04:15] Your pain and trauma don't have to be validated by anyone to be real - this is why waiting for validation is doing you more harm than good.
- [00:07:12] Wounded daughters grow up to be emotionally immature women. I share how you deal with the bruised ego and let go of the fantasy in this episode.
- [00:08:26] Forgiveness is ideal, but we don't live in a perfect society - listen as I explain why forgiveness isn't required to begin the healing process.
- [00:09:29] Letting go of your mother is easy; letting go of the fantasy is what you struggle with.
- [00:14:43] Have you ever felt like your mother held resentment towards you? Based on my work with clients, I share what I believe is true about unspoken resentment.
MY FREE MOTHER WOUND HEALING GUIDE: https://bit.ly/healingguidep
BUY MY BOOK: Fuck That Cape: http://Amazon.com/dp/B07C74RBY2
SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL: https://www.youtube.com/c/Jenniferarnise
https://www.instagram.com/iamjenniferarnise
Email me at info@jenniferarnise.com
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911.
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/thesheislovedproject)
Let's kill the fake sht! I'm not here to romanticize healing by only talking about the beauty that takes place AFTER you've made it through the fire. I'll save that for the other coaches on the market. Healing Black Women from their mother wounds isn't about "emotional bypassing." We try to go around the tough sht to get to the good part, but that's not how healing from a mother wound works.
This year in the She Is Loved Community; we are doing the work. We're burning down the building, sifting through ashes, and finding pieces of ourselves that were buried under the foundation. Today, I'm discussing what it feels like to take healing seriously; so that you can go after what you want in 2022.
Join me for part two of Are You Hiding or Healing.
Takeaways:
- Our relationships with our mothers have caused us not to trust ourselves. Have you ever struggled with feeling unworthy or deserving? Learn how the lack of permission and authority we experienced as children prevented us from following our dreams.
- Living in pursuit of your dreams isn't about collecting validation from outside sources - we've been there and done that as daughters to toxic mothers- pursuing our dreams is about validating our right to exist as we ARE.
Highlights
- [00:01:23] Recap of part one of the Hiding or Healing conversation
- [00:03:45] Why our wounded little girls struggle to take our lives seriously - it goes deeper than our degrees and titles.
- [00:06:30] What are 3 things you must embrace for authentic healing?
- [00:07:39] Learn why following your life's purpose is about more than achievement
- [00:11:02] 3 tools that you need in your arsenal in 2022
- [00:12:00] Identifying my mother wound around feeling worthy
Jennifer Arnise is a Spiritual Coach/Mentor and Intuitive Healer, speaker and author who who helps Black women heal from the painful relationship with their mother so the can love themselves fully and experience more passion, pleasure, joy and fulfillment in their lives.
MY FREE MOTHER WOUND HEALING GUIDE: https://bit.ly/healingguidep
BUY MY BOOK: Fuck That Cape: http://Amazon.com/dp/B07C74RBY2
SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL: https://www.youtube.com/c/Jenniferarnise
LET’S CONNECT ON IG: https://www.instagram.com/iamjenniferarnise
BUSINESS INQUIRIES: Email me at info@jenniferarnise.com
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911.
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/thesheislovedproject)
Show Notes:Hiding from the truth while telling yourself that you are healing is self-destruction 101. In this episode, I take this behavior to task as I share my story of hiding, settling, and procrastination PLUS what I'm doing to move in a new direction.
This episode is for you IF:
- You've spent years devouring personal development without manifesting a damn thing.
- Fear of making a mistake keeps you from making a decision
- You struggle to take action on things YOU KNOW you desire.
In this episode, I share how to spot anxiety and fear masking as "inner work and preparation."
Takeaways: * Why healing and hiding can't share space -Join me as I share my experience with therapy and what I'm doing to show up differently. * Are you manifesting the life you desire? One way to measure your journey is to look at your results and the actions you've taken. * Change can be difficult for the wounded girl who may question her abilities - In this episode, I discuss how to safely move into action by asking yourself the right questions in a safe environment.
Highlights:
- [00:00:23] This year, I have one intention - tune in to hear what it is and how you can create actionable steps to move in your desired direction.
- [00:05:38] Before therapy, I was stuck in The Dark Night of the Soul; this is what I was hiding even while in treatment why you shouldn't do the same thing.
- [00:11:09] What do double dutch and fear aversion have in common - it turns out a lot.
- [00:23:23] There is a science to healing and manifesting - learn how to tap into it and release the fears that are holding you back.
MY FREE MOTHER WOUND HEALING GUIDE: https://bit.ly/healingguidep
BUY MY BOOK: Fuck That Cape: http://Amazon.com/dp/B07C74RBY2
https://www.youtube.com/c/Jenniferarnise
https://www.instagram.com/iamjenniferarnise
BUSINESS INQUIRIES: Email me at info@jenniferarnise.com
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911.
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/thesheislovedproject)
Struggle love is defined as a relationship in which one partner does "the absolute most" for the other without reciprocity, aka "any DAMN thing in return." Unfortunately, growing up with a toxic mother feels similar. As little girls, we bend over backward to "win" her heart while our hearts shatter.
Too many Black women live as fragmented versions of themselves; it's no wonder why we hustle for the love and validation we have been conditioned to give others. In this episode, I share why this happens and what you can do about it.
Takeaways:
- Love is a basic need that no human can be without. In toxic mother-daughter relationships, love isn't given freely; it has to be earned in most cases. The outcome is thousands of Black women endlessly hustling to prove their worth.
- Until the injured woman heals the wounds of her childhood, she will never be capable of giving or receiving love authentically - not even to herself.
- Denying your needs as a way to receive love from another person only leads to frustration and Eispair.
Highlights:
- [00:01:03] Do you feel like you're not good enough to receive love without working for it? Here's why wounded women hustle for love.
- [00:04:33] This is why trying to "earn" love will NEVER work
- [00:10:47] 3 personality traits of a wounded woman and how they show up in our careers and relationships.
- [00:21:38] How healing and doing the work shows up in your life.
- [00:25:16] This is what your inner little girl wants you to say to her.
MY FREE MOTHER WOUND HEALING GUIDE: https://bit.ly/healingguidep
BUY MY BOOK: Fuck That Cape: http://Amazon.com/dp/B07C74RBY2
SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL: https://www.youtube.com/c/Jenniferarnise
LISTEN TO THE SHE IS LOVED PROJECT PODCAST: https://apple.co/34vKes2
LET’S CONNECT ON IG: https://www.instagram.com/iamjenniferarnise
BUSINESS INQUIRIES: Email me at info@jenniferarnise.com
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911.
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/thesheislovedproject)
Do you know what happens when an emotionally unavailable woman becomes a mother?
The outcome is a daughter who is broken, defensive, and untrusting.
In the first episode, we discussed the Black Mother Wound, the impact of toxic mothers on daughters, and the first steps you can take to heal your Mother Wound. This week I get RAW as I share my story. In this episode, you will walk away with these key takeaways:
- Abuse doesn't have to be physical. Withholding affection as a form of punishment is abusive.
- Gaslighting is a form of manipulation in which the manipulator wants their victim to question their beliefs, feelings, or perceptions. Daughters of toxic mothers will often gaslight themselves as a coping method. Are you guilty of this?
- The healing journey isn't always pretty. When you acknowledge your Mother Wound and put your healing before the emotional triggers of others, you gain internal peace. I'll show you how.
Takeaways:
- [00:00:52] My story
- [00:01:33] The power of autonomy over your story
- [00:03:04] How vulnerability gives me the strength I need to heal
- [00:03:45] Identify emotionally unavailable behavior
- [00:05:31] What is survival parenting
- [00:08:52] This is why daughters are expected to excuse abusive behavior?
Jennifer Arnise is a Spiritual Coach/Mentor and Intuitive Healer, speaker and author who who helps Black women heal from the painful relationship with their mother so the can love themselves fully and experience more passion, pleasure, joy and fulfillment in their lives.
MY FREE MOTHER WOUND HEALING GUIDE: https://bit.ly/healingguidep
BUY MY BOOK: Fuck That Cape: http://Amazon.com/dp/B07C74RBY2
SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL: https://www.youtube.com/c/Jenniferarnise
LET’S CONNECT ON IG: https://www.instagram.com/iamjenniferarnise
BUSINESS INQUIRIES: info@jenniferarnise.com
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/thesheislovedproject)
Hey there and welcome to the She Is Loved Project! In our introductory episode, I'm going into detail about what a Black mother wound is, how it's effecting your life and what you need to do about it.
If you grew up feeling emotionally disconnected from your mother or had an outright toxic relationship with her, you need to listen up because we're clearing the path for healing.
Takeaways:
- No child escapes the wounds of emotionally unavailable mothers, but daughters are impacted the most- what do patriarchal norms and black culture have to do with this?
- The journey into motherhood can be terrifying for some black women- learn the common factor that toxic mothers share.
- Why well-meaning advice like "it will all be better when we get to heaven" is cruel and what to offer instead.
Highlights
[00:01:33] What is the She Is Loved Project?
[00:02:03] Why is the mother wound not talked about in the black community?
[00:03:23] My promise to the She Is Loved Podcast and community
[00:04:53] Suffering in silence
[00:07:13] The mother wound defined
[00:09:15] Understanding the plight of our mothers
[00:10:43] Acknowledging the black mother wound
[00:13:05] How the black mother wounds show up in daughter(s)
[00:14:45] How religion and culture keeps us in bondage
[00:26:35] How these wounds impact every area of our lives
GRAB MY MOTHER WOUND HEALING CLASS REPLAY BUNDLE (OVER 12 HOURS OF TEACHING AND HEALING CONTENT) - https://bit.ly/MotherWoundVideos
Jennifer Arnise is a Spiritual Coach/Mentor and Intuitive Healer, speaker and author who who helps Black women heal from the painful relationship with their mother so the can love themselves fully and experience more passion, pleasure, joy and fulfillment in their lives.
MY FREE MOTHER WOUND HEALING GUIDE: https://bit.ly/healingguidep
BUY MY BOOK: http://Amazon.com/dp/B07C74RBY2
SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL: https://www.youtube.com/c/Jenniferarnise
LET’S CONNECT ON IG: https://www.instagram.com/iamjenniferarnise
BUSINESS INQUIRIES: Email me at info@jenniferarnise.com
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
Connect with Me:
Instagram | Youtube
Support the show