Clouds, Rain, Aya: Recent Episodes
Aya
As the rain is falling, Aya rambles her thoughts on things with the purpose of making this podcast a connection with her past self and her future self. Oh look! The clouds are crying again, sit back and relax while Aya is blabbering out her mind.
Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya attempts to catch up from her 3-month hiatus away from her podcast. Honestly, it wasn't like a hiatus; instead, it's more like: (1) her not finding the time to squeeze in editing her raw recordings, (2) she cannot figure out the right timing and intentionally delaying her uploads because some are TMI which means too-much-information, and (3) she thinks it's inappropriate to publish her irrational thoughts as it may add fuel to the flames. This episode is also inspired by the famous combination of 'ketchup and fries'—only this time around, it's about Aya's unfiltered emotions, hence, catsup and cries. 2022 became the year of her traumas, overwhelming opportunities, and dreadful initiatives. Watch how Aya claims 2023 as the year where she takes a step further towards self-growth: improving her mindset more, not constantly 'perfecting' her progress and instead save a room for mistakes, and last but not the least, maintaining consistency in an unpredictable world.
Happy New Year!
Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya proceeds to flip another page from Chapter 18 to Chapter 19. Over the past year of being a pre-adult, she discovers a game-changer about life: adulting doesn't actually begin at 18th, it begins at 20th. With this, she starts her journey towards the "ghost age"—a commonly-used term for when you're not a minor anymore but you're not really an adult either. Watch how Aya introduces her new and improved mindset about BIRTHDAYS + character development from her 18 years of existence.
Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya uploads a long overdue episode about her regrets as a daughter, as a student, and ultimately—as a human. We all go through regrets, right? It just so happens that Aya undergoes a path that she did NOT expect to pursue. Something that she didn't plan and instead threatened her consistent and comfortable routine towards life as a 'normal' college student. Watch how Aya narrates her life of regrets from her early childhood up until the chaos of today.
[1 year special] Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya celebrates her 1st anniversary alongside her podcasting journey. Despite having too many lows and only a few ups, she managed to finish her 1st year of college as well as keeping herself sane for a whole year of a challenging life. This started with a concept of self-verbalizations in mind, but this podcast soon came to be the best thing that ever happened to Aya yet. Talking with herself alone in the bathroom might seem a bit weird and crazy, however those were one of THE moments where she felt true to herself regardless of vulnerability and overwhelming anxiety. A year ago Aya trembled with full of uhms, nervous laughter, and broken english, whereas to now where she could speak her mind, whatever and however she wants. This is for sure, an achievement that no one can possibly give.
I'm proud of me. :>
[Listen at your own risk...] Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, things get a little personal between Aya and her anxiety. Throughout her personal hardships and for the last 3 months, she recorded raw audios of her and her emotions. Trigger warning for those who are not comfortable with someone crying or someone ranting about his/her problems that may inflict bad memories. As this episode progresses, you can tell how Aya went from shambles to enlightenment to shambles again, and vice versa. Let's be very honest here, growth is never linear, sometimes it's ups, sometimes it's downs, and even worse..... if it's both up and down. Aya named this episode a "venting-machine" because she felt like all these rants, challenges, and mental breakdowns were all cooped up like Pepsi-cans inside her mind, and each time she vents out and lets off some steam, she also dispenses a part of her psyche.
Hemlo, it's me, Aya. A gentle reminder that this podcast is my safe space, it took me a lot of strength and bravery to upload an episode like this. However, I wouldn't want to keep it to myself alone, because maybe.... someday someone would need my words.
Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya speaks up about one of the topics that are often overlooked and ignored. Hard pills to swallow is a phrase referring to an unpleasant fact, disappointment, or humiliation that is difficult to endure or accept. It is something that you deeply believe you lack the strength to take in and acknowledge that it is, indeed, true. Watch how Aya unfolds different 'hard-pills-to-swallow' stories of her Facebook friends who helped her make this podcast here today.
[How ironic, it's summer but it's also the start of the rainy season.. which means I'll be uploading as much as I can while the rain pours! The downside of this season is that... we are currently experiencing climate change ;(( I know I shouldn't be happy with the thunderstorms because there are people who are suffering from it.. but I can't help it,, I feel calm whenever it rains T_ T ]
Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya, at last, manages to squeeze into her schedule this long overdue episode for the month of April. She's been having very little time for herself lately that the only time for her rest is either for sleep or for distracting her anxiety by watching K-dramas. Regardless, this episode talks about a specific trait of Aya—which is her, detaching from people once she enters her self-destructive mode AKA when her life hits rock bottom. Plus, she realized a seasonal anxiety that occurs whenever a situation is badly affecting her daily life e.g. every time she wake up—enough spoiling. Watch Aya spill more quick April rants and teas that happened in a span of a month.
P.s. I realized my title is "M.A.D."
:D
Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya summons her second guest! Kuya Miles, a sophomore psychology student/friend who Aya met on a few mutual organizations the same as hers. Both of these 'studyholic' psychology majors settled on one topic that is very relatable to almost all students—Burnout. It is a form of exhaustion caused by constantly feeling swamped and/or drained. It's a result of excessive and prolonged emotional, physical, and mental stress. In spite of this term being always seen at a negative light, burnout isn't always bad and kuya Miles is here to tell us otherwise and of how it can be a possibly good thing to experience even with its awful effects to our mental health. Once in our life, we experience burnout; we tell ourselves we are so tired and we can't even move a single muscle to pass our homework because we are emotionally drained and overwhelmed with requirements, with that said, sit back and let's all talk about burnout with our valuable guest for today.
[Warning: Sensitive Content] Hmm...The clouds are crying today, and so is Aya. In this episode, she faces an abrupt trauma. Abrupt meaning very sudden or unexpected; and Trauma meaning an emotional response to a distressing event where you experience an extreme series of fear, shock, and panic. This incident not only worsened Aya's anxiety but her mood shifted from one to another in a rapid state and opened a deep wound from her childhood. The episode talks ONLY about her experiences and not about what to do when trauma happens, because even she, does not know what to do after experiencing it yet again. Her segments were divided into two: 2 hours after trauma and 9 days after trauma. Watch how Aya deals with her post-traumatic stress and midnight panic attacks just as she tried to conquer her own silent battle in the midst of her finals week.
Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya explores the cavern of academic validation. As students, it is our worst nightmare to fail subjects but how about the overachievers? They are those who feel like a single mistake on a quiz will crumble them to death—which brings us to our topic for today which is the good and bad side of academic validation. While it may become a motivator for many, it can also be the worst enemy you will ever have once you are so comfortable with it, making it so that instead of you, studying hard for the purpose of learning, you are studying not to fail. Add the factor of the online setup we have today, where it feels like a sin to absent one class because you're extremely sick just for the fear of failing. "There is no harm in self-improvement, but there is harm in overworking yourself; you must learn to take time for your own well-being. Academic validation is a poisonous, unforgiving mindset that extends to the limit of your ability." (Kloza, K. et al., 2021). Watch how Aya punches herself with her own talk whereas she makes academic validation soOOO important for her as an achiever and yet she lowkey knows that she will gradually suffer from it.
PS. Are there even people who reads this description corner? hahaha XD.
Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya finally finds the time to record an episode in a brief moment inside her home—which has long been a part of why she's podcasting at her bathroom all alone. Let's be honest, a home doesn't necessarily means cozy environment immediately. Sometimes, it's one of the main causes why you grew up in a certain box/space or how you grew up perceiving life. It's even harder when you know you can't do anything about it especially you've been living at this 'home' for the past 18 years. Watch how Aya relates the idea of her own environment to her academes, her plans as an adult, and most importantly, her, suffocating from a place called home...
[Listen at your own risk...] Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya shares a glimpse of what it looks like when an extreme overthinker experiences anxiety attack every once in a while. This episode consists of three compilations of her anxiety attacks, on three different months, named after three kinds of thoughts—intrusive, latent, and un(necessary) thoughts. Anxiety attacks, also known as panic attacks are episodes of intense panic, fear, or anxiety. They usually occur unexpectedly for no apparent reason, but they can also be linked to specific triggers. During an anxiety attack, people may experience overwhelming panic, fear, loss of control, chest pain, trouble breathing and other signs of worry. Anxiety can occur during everyday life, it could be fleeting or it could persist and build. Watch how Aya shows a surface level of anxiety attacks and how it affects her on a day-to-day basis.
Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya summons her very first guest (finally! wooo). Teri, a crackhead friend that often shares the same wavelength as her, also known as Jannah the deluh suhl bish that Aya met on discord—early 2021. Now without any hesitation, she initiates a common ground topic for both of them which is: freeloading. This term is widely used for people who takes advantage of other people's generosity without giving anything in return. Hence, in an academical context they are called the 'dumbells'. All they do is move their responsibilities to another person's life and so in return, the victims of the freeloaders are burdened...enough spoiling, let's just learn from our guest, shall we?
Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya ends 2021 with a phrase: Bye, Felicia. It is a slang way of dismissing someone. Sometimes it is to express disregard or indifference to someone, as if to say, “That’s it. I’m done putting up with you. I’m so over this. Goodbye.” 2021 was not the best year, it wasn't thoroughly the ideal year to promote her growth as an individual. In fact, neither of the past two years made her feel like there was enough room for change along with the pandemic that took a toll on everyone's mental health. However, this doesn't mean that she will be stagnant during these pandemic years, the hunger for self love and mental stability is what keeps her motivated and will still be 'til 2022 comes. Let's just hope that next year, she will be more open and kind to herself. Watch how Aya, at last, leaves the past behind—not totally forgetting about it, but to acknowledge it now and to not let her past decisions affect her upcoming ones, especially this next year.
Happy New Year!
Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya approaches her past stories to gradually close it behind and leave it on her past. Often times closures aren't acknowledged and some, aren't necessary at all. But why do we, humans feel the need to close something when we know it's bound to be left unresolved not unless you sew it up on your own? Why is it that we think of closures as the answer to alleviate our pain and confusion from the past? Watch how Aya discusses the remnants of the old days that weren't closed enough because she wasn't sure; and as to why she feels it's something that ties her from moving forward.
Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya went on a mini-hiatus (that didn't really affect anyone—not even her own podcast.) HOWEVER, that doesn't mean she continued to aim for hard work all throughout her rest days. In fact, she came to a halt after realizing a couple of overwhelming things on her surrounding that may or may not have influenced her way of thinking.
The use of a semicolon ";" symbolizes a choice to keep going rather than end—consequently, continue and/or start anew without forgetting the past behind. Watch how Aya slowly unlearns one miniscule part of her mindset that she knows sooner or later she has to get rid of, but can't completely do it. It's a matter of choosing between letting other people decide when she needs to pause, or to let herself guide her own time.
Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya sneaks up another episode for the last day of November to talk about an emotion called sadness. Have you been feeling sad lately? Have you been asking yourself why is it that you feel that way? If you don't have the clear answers for those questions, tune in and watch how Aya deals with this emotion as if it is a part of her life that she desperately want to not feel—but also often times, she needs to bear with.
Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya unwillingly flips another page from the end of Chapter 17 towards the start of Chapter 18. Yes.. that's right, she will be starting from page 1 again as she uncovers a chapter that symbolizes the start of her adulthood. This episode serves as the annual tradition wherein she'll be listening to this for every year added to her age. Watch how Aya expresses her worries and thoughts about her BIRTHDAY.
Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya finally finishes her 1st term at her 1st year of college. There's still a long long way to go though haha! With the rain, cozy atmosphere, and without any internet, Aya blatantly exposed her love and hate relationship with money ever since she was a child. Watch how Aya clears up her mind by thinking about money, ka-ching!
Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya stops everything she's doing amidst her finals period—to take a small break and talk about being vulnerable. Come to think of it, she became too vulnerable to a point where REAL people were listening to her innermost-thoughts on her safe space, hence, this podcast. That's also the reason why she wanted to clear things about vulnerability in both the bad side and the good side of it. Watch how Aya slaps herself with her own words whilst giving advice to people who thinks of vulnerability in the not-so-good manner.
REMEMBER: Being vulnerable is different from being weak!
Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya presents the meaning of Impostor Syndrome and associates herself with it for the most part of her achievements in life. Impostor Syndrome is a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their skills, talents, or accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a "fraud". Alongside is a quick update that correlates to what happened last Oct 28. Watch how Aya pre-records a once-in-a-lifetime-moment where she felt for once in 17 years of her existence—that she deserve something without feeling any guilt, nor any anxiety to an award given to her.
On an unrelated note, have you counted how many "y'know" Aya have mentioned?
Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya bursts out a thought in the middle of the night. She tells her somewhat secret to her productivity which are the 3Cs namely; Consistency, Communication, and Comprehension. Sometimes it do be like that, right? Our dawn thoughts that are just too loud enough to make us insane, and so what do we about it? Of course, make it a podcast—where she spends her free time for an episode after a good 5-hour nap. Watch how Aya tolerates the croak of the early chickens at her neighborhood while completing her thoughts in the first appearance of light in the sky before sunrise.
Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya opens up the topic about Mental Health. If you notice from the title itself, it's kind of a two-meaning term that can be seen from two viewpoints however you like it to read. Does mental health matter in our society today? and is it a matter of complete ability to function for our day-to-day lives? What can we do to apply a healthy mindset to our families, peers and most importantly, to ourselves? These are just some of the few questions that she will be tackling in an hour. Watch how Aya establishes the idea of mental health to herself that will greatly benefit her and her possible audience in a time that is to come.
Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya walks along the topic between passion and practicality. Why do people tend to lean towards one side only, and does your family beliefs affect your decision too much? This is for sure a vital topic that we have always been thinking towards the chapters of our lives. Starting from her kindergarten story, watch how Aya enumerates the twists of her life between the two P's and choosing a decision that is solely based on her own... unless?
Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya relaxingly gushed out her ideas on her organizations, along with the sufferings- I mean, the responsibilities that she entered during her college life. Watch how Aya joins 5 organizations and laughs it off by saying "I can do it, of course I can." —even when clearly, future Aya will be the one who will take the after-effects. Will she enjoy the remnants of her college journey while studying psychology and handling too much orgs? or will her mind be messed up before she graduates? We'll see in the few episodes ahead...
Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya tries the optimism test as she proceeds to explore the term 'pessimistic'. Why do people generally feel both traits? Is it a good thing to be a pessimist? If so, for sure she will excel on that department. Kidding aside, watch how Aya demonstrates being an optimist in a negative way and a pessimist in a positive way. Oh, what a paradox thing to say!
Hmm...The clouds are tirelessly crying today. In this episode, Aya instigates the meaning behind the term 'consequences,' where she asks herself multiple questions like "What really is the point of consequences?" or "Why do people need to suffer consequences?" and lastly, "What's so significant about having to be responsible on your own actions?" Even so, Aya tells her experience about her growth from consequences and how we cannot avoid it at some point in our life, especially when we are prone to mistakes. Watch how Aya stumbles upon a debate organization and the thing is, the consequences are seriously risky. Would she take it? or Would she not?
Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya sheepishly admits that she still wants 2020 back—without the pandemic, of course. It was like, she's stuck in a time loop that forbids her to accept that it's almost 2022. What if, instead of this pandemic wasting almost 2 years of our lives, what if we actually went back to 2020 to reclaim the memories we would've had? Watch how Aya mutters a quick rant about the Philippines and the pandemic we have; how it messed up everyone's lives in a span of a year.
[1 month special] Hmm...The clouds are gently crying again. In this episode, Aya elaborates on 'Social Media Detox'—a conscious elimination of social media use and consumption. She has been giving way too much time and energy to other people along with their pressure and expectations for her life. Watch how Aya slowly backs out from the spotlight because of the SocMed Detox and also when she unknowingly enjoyed it as she focused on herself more than she ever did before.
Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya took her first step towards college, and guess what? It was UNUSUALLY chill and that made her remember the quote "The calm before the storm." She was caught off guard by how calm her professors were but at the same time she felt the slow-building chaos ahead waiting for her to slowly suffer as she takes her next steps, just kidding. Watch how Aya elaborates on the importance of the storm that's about to come, hence, studying again.
Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya once again hits the 50-minute-mark where she rambled about preparation and whether she was ready for her first day of school as a college student. She did NOT PREPARE for this episode but she was READY on making it. That's the art of unpredicted life. Watch how Aya munches on her words as she transitions back to normal with her jolly episodes after the heavy ones.
[Warning: Sensitive Content] Hmm...The clouds are not crying today but, Aya is. In this episode, Aya poured out her secret emotions after facing the biggest disappointment (yet) of her life. In her bathroom, without even preparing for an outline, she manages to cry-laugh an episode wherein she talks to herself once again after sobbing for almost an hour.
Hmm...The clouds are crying gently today. In this episode, Aya defined the word "Perfectionism". She explored the good and bad effects of it as well as how she experienced being a perfectionist ever since she was a kid. Watch how Aya stutters as she tells her story why perfectionism should be used a strength instead of a weakness. Above all, this episode is connected to a 'crisis' that she's about to face tomorrow. Good luck!
Hmm...The clouds are crying again. In this episode, Aya vents out her underlying anxiety towards college. She also took this opportunity to lend a message for college Aya who might see this in the future and get inspired by her own words from the past. Watch how Aya fights her urge to cry despite the turn of events at the exact time she was recording this episode.
Hmm...The clouds are crying today. In this episode, Aya starts her own podcast and she explains why this is a big commitment that she never expected she would do. Watch how Aya trembles with her full of uhms, and laughter as she starts her first podcast episode that speaks her mind out to public for the first time.