The Better Divorce Podcast: Recent Episodes
Val Hemminger
At the Better Divorce Project, we help separating families save exorbitant legal fees and soul-crushing stress by empowering them to understand what they are getting into! Avoid making your divorce lawyer rich by listening to this podcast! Val Hemminger, the founder of the Better Divorce Project, has been a divorce lawyer for more than 25 years. Over the past more than two decades, she has seen devastating things happen to families and children BECAUSE of the legal process itself. If a family was highly functional, then they wouldn’t be separating or getting divorced. At the Better Divorce Project, you are guided through the process of getting a final agreement while avoiding unnecessary expense, drama, and turmoil. Families do not belong in courtrooms. Please see more at thebetterdivorceproject.com
Hi everyone, it’s Val. I had a very interesting interview with a clergyman for 30 years and presently, a pastor who has gone through a divorce. Ken Gordon talks about the responsibility of fathers during and after divorce. He has written a book entitled “Divorced But Still Dad: Faith Principles of Understanding the Role of a Father During and After Divorce”
At the start of the interview, Ken told me that he was wearing a sweater with a big “D” on it. He explained that there seems to be a social stigma on the people going through or after a divorce. People in the community seem to be judging those who failed in their marriages. And throughout the whole process of divorce, the mental and emotional well-being of the children have been left out.
He questioned “How do we leave something alive?”. What he meant by that was how can parents prioritize their children while battling through divorce. How do they make sure that their children still have a better future?
When Ken was writing his book, he encouraged his 12-year-old daughter to write a chapter of it, specifically, for dads. When he read it, it brought tears to his eyes. He realized that he was not able to intentionally recognize the thoughts and emotions of his children. It was an enlightening experience that provides a glimpse of how your children will also feel when divorce comes to your doorstep.
For him, the biggest advice he would give to dads going through a divorce is to remember that they should be a dad no matter what. “Don’t divorce your children just because you divorced their mother”. Secondly, he advises people not to stay in a marriage just for the benefit of their children. It is futile to hide or lie so that the kids will not be hurt. They already see and sense that there is something wrong. By being true to themselves, parents are teaching their children how to be real in relationships. How to constructively handle failure and disappointment. How to be a victor and not a victim of their circumstances.
I couldn't agree more with Ken on this. What does it teach the kids if you stay in a relationship that is not healthy anymore? Do you want your kids to be living the kind of life that you no longer want? It can cause mental destruction because what we don’t heal in our lives, we pass it on to our kids for them to deal with and that can become a challenging situation for them. Basically, this is unfair to the children. Let kids be kids, as I always say. Ken’s daughter realized later on why her father did not engage in mudslinging against her mother – “My father allowed me to remain a child”.
Toward the end of the interview, he cautions about what the children see of people’s relationships post-divorce. Part of the children’s self-esteem embodies who the parents are. If they see their parents going from one relationship to another, it affects how they view themselves as well. People can also make a difference in what they say about the person they are divorcing. The demeaning words children hear about the other spouse affect how they see themselves
Here is the breakdown of this episode:
(03:35) Overcoming divorce's stigma and prioritizing children
(05:07) Divorce doesn’t care who you are
(07:22) Children's perspective in divorce
(11:20) Don’t stay married for the sake of the children
(12:47) Empowering children to navigate relationships and emotions
(14:52) Therapy's transformative power in building the children’s strong foundations
(20:06) Allowing children to be children amidst divorce
(22:47) The ripple effects of encouraging judgment in children
(24:41) The importance of individual relationships with the children through divorce
(26:02) The effect of your post-divorce relationships on the children’s self-esteem
(26:58) The impact of what you say about your spouse on your children’s identity
I really admire Ken for his conscientious efforts to let his kids be kids and himself, be their dad. During his divorce, he lived near his children. He made sure that his belongings in that house do not send a message to his children that he was doing better without them. He ensured that his kids’ bedrooms at his house had everything that the bedrooms at the other house had.
It’s so easy to get self-absorbed and be swept away by all the turmoil of divorce. It’s so easy to fight back and forget about leaving a living legacy in the children’s lives. But one thing remains true, there are ways to make divorce better.
This is Val. See you in the next episode!
Websites & Socials
- The Better Divorce Project
- YouTube
Download "The 10 Bogus Beliefs About Divorce and Separation You Should Know" - for FREE
https://www.thebetterdivorceproject.com/better-divorce-newsletter.html
About Ken Gordon
Rev. Dr. Ken J. Gordon, Jr., is the pastor of the House of Light Church in Birmingham, Alabama. He and his wife founded the church in 2018 after relocating to Alabama from the Philadelphia/South Jersey area. A certified chaplain and licensed counsel-or, Rev. Gordon graduated with a BA in international law and military affairs from The Citadel in Charleston, South Carolina. From James Dussault University Pentecostal Seminary in Columbia, South Carolina, he earned an MA in church administration, doctorate in communication, and PhD in Christian counseling.
From 2018 to 2020, Rev. and Mrs. Gordon hosted the Commitments with Ken and Leslie Show, a weekly radio show focused on helping people who are divorced or going through divorce to find hope, healing, and help. It also provided insight and inspiration to fruitful and dysfunctional relationships.
He is a highly sought-after speaker on engaged fatherhood, effective leadership, and community engagement. He is the author of numerous published articles plus the award-winning books "Divorced But Still Dad – The Faith Principles of a Father's Responsibility During and After Divorce", "The Love of a Father - Faith Principles of the Power of a Father's Love", and the Amazon Best Selling book "Bad Dogs - A Black Cadet in Dixie". He is also the author of "Pancake Dad!" and "Ice Cream Dad!", the first two of his 12-book "Engaged Dads" children's series. Read more about Rev. Gordon at www.dadsoffaith.com.
Hey, it's Val from Pathway Legal. Our mission is to help you avoid lengthy court processes whenever you can. The court should be the final frontier, the very last resort. We believe in the power of mediation and alternative dispute resolution.
But sometimes, the court is unavoidable. Like when it comes to fighting for your child's custody. In today's episode, I'll be diving deep into the nuances of child custody cases, the evidence you'll need, and the scenarios where getting custody is in the child's best interest.
We've identified seven scenarios where fighting for custody becomes a necessity. These include Parental Alienation, which includes one parent turning the child against the other, slandering the other parent, hindering parenting time, or making false reports to the authorities. Cases involving child abuse or neglect. Cases that involve domestic violence or high-conflict situations between parents.
In each of these scenarios, there's a vital piece of evidence known as the "Hear the Child Report" or "Views of the Child Report." Through professional interviews, these reports can bring to light behaviors or situations that are harmful to the child. It can be heartbreaking to hear children say things like "I wish my dad wouldn't speak so badly about my mom," or "I wish my mom wouldn't be so angry at my dad all the time." These reports can provide key insights into a parent's possible alienating behavior.
In the province of British Columbia, recording a conversation without the other party's consent is legal, as long as one person is aware of the recording. This can serve as vital evidence in cases where one parent is instilling fear or anxiety in the child against the other parent.
Now, in scenarios involving child abuse, neglect, or domestic violence, the best evidence comes from police reports or reports from child welfare authorities. They're unbiased, factual, and carry a lot of weight in court.
As the child grows older, their own preference can also become important evidence in deciding custody, which is often revealed through the "Hear the Child Report" or "Views of the Child Report."
Lastly, when the parents are in constant conflict, the custody battle might become necessary. "Missile texts" or "missile emails" full of insults can serve as strong evidence of such hostile environments.
This episode is packed with insight:
(01:37) The unusual remedy
(04:14) The seven paths to child custody
(05:18) Parental alienation and the road to custody
(09:14) The crucial evidence of parental alienation
(11:49) Going the extra mile and presenting unconventional evidence
(13:13) The power of documentary evidence in abuse cases
(15:11) Domestic violence as the grounds for custody
(17:17) Letting your child's voice be heard
(17:50) Weaponizing words such as missile emails and texts
We'll delve into these seven scenarios and the types of evidence that can support your case. It's not common for one parent to be entirely excluded from their child's life; in my 25 years of practice, I've seen only two such cases. But if you find yourself needing to fight for custody, this episode will guide you on what evidence to gather.
I hope you never have to use this information, but if you do, I trust it will empower you in fighting for your child's best interest.
This is Val. See you in the next episode!
Work With Me! About Val
Val Hemminger is based in Westshore, British Columbia, and has been a family divorce lawyer for over 25 years. She runs two different podcasts, "Be The Best Divorce Lawyer" and "The Better Divorce Project."
She helps families navigate through the rough terrain of divorce with ease and grace. Her secret to success? A unique and powerful approach that prioritizes an emotionally rewarding resolution for families while keeping court as a last resort. Val is a skilled advocate who will fight for your best interests every step of the way.
Websites & Socials
- The Better Divorce Project
- YouTube
Download "The 10 Bogus Beliefs About Divorce and Separation You Should Know" - for FREE
https://www.thebetterdivorceproject.com/better-divorce-newsletter.html
Hello everyone, it’s Val. I had a wonderful conversation with a divorce coach who has a very compelling life story. Leslie Holthoff Martin is a professional writer, divorce coach, and co-parenting specialist. Leslie survived teen pregnancy at the age of 16. When she was 26 years old, she got divorced. As a single parent, she studied to earn her degree in Psychology and is currently, in the process of obtaining her Ph.D. She helps people through the divorce process and their co-parenting relationships. She has recently published a book entitled “Not Mary Not Roe: The Survival Story of a Reluctant Teen Mom”.
In our profound discussion, Leslie drew a distinction between a divorce therapist and a divorce coach. She pointed out that while the therapist reflects on past decisions and events, a divorce coach helps navigate the present, and more significantly, who you want to become post-divorce.
Leslie said being a divorce coach means being present when things get tough. In times when the client is emotionally overwhelmed, a divorce coach is there. A divorce coach will help keep emotions in check. They will also help the clients make logical decisions based on who they want to be.
"Who do I want to be when the divorce is over?" is a critical question Leslie encourages everyone to ask.We all know that divorce can get so ugly. The person's choices and actions through the divorce will impact who they are in the end. Leslie admits to losing herself amidst her own divorce, struggling to lessen the pain, only to spend a long time rediscovering her identity. This personal experience guides her conversations with clients, emphasizing that they have the power to shape their post-divorce selves.
It was quite a challenging and difficult journey for her. Part of her healing waswriting a book and publicly discussing her experience. She made the best out of a bad situation and helped others in return. Because of what she went through, she deals with her clients with compassion. She has advised them to carry themselves in a way that they will be proud of in the end.
Aside from this interesting insight, Leslie also talks about winning a divorce outside the arena of the courtroom. For her, if a couple shows up in front of a judge to fight over custody of their kids, they have already failed. A courtroom battle is only a last resort and must be avoided at all costs.
I could not agree more with Leslie on this. Sometimes, lawyers drag their clients’ families to court. As always, these lawyers lackdispute resolution training and mediation skills. Court should be the last refuge and avoided whenever possible.
Leslie also shared invaluable advice for step-parents on nurturing the bonds between the children and their biological parents.As a step-parent or parental figure, a person's role goes beyond being present in the children's lives. This duty requires fostering the children’s relationship with their parents as well.
Toward the end of our conversation, she advises her clients that mudslinging does not help a person become better in the end. It is really important to try to build a positive relationship and just start with something small. These small and kind gestures toward the “ex” go a long way. It will also create an environment in which the children can become better individuals.
Here is the breakdown of this episode:
(02:40) The difference between a divorce therapist and a divorce coach
(04:11) Embracing the journey of self-discovery after divorce
(08:17) Winning divorce outside the arena of the courtroom
(12:04) The vital role of step-parents in nurturing bonds weakened by divorce
(41:36) Small gestures in building positive relationships through the divorce
In essence, Individuals may find themselves caught up in a whirlwind of negative emotions and attempts to minimize the damage. Leslie’s experience highlights the fact that she lost herself in the process. A common pitfall that many people face during divorce.
Reclaiming oneself and finding personal fulfillment after a divorce can be a long and challenging process. However, based on her own journey, it is possible to rebuild and reshape one's identity beyond the dissolution of a marriage.
A huge thanks to Leslie for sharing her powerful journey and for her dedication to guiding others towards decisions they will be proud of. For those interested in learning more about her experiences, I recommend picking up a copy of her book “Not Mary Not Roe: The Survival Story of a Reluctant Teen Mom”.
Work With Me! About Val
Val Hemminger is based in Westshore, British Columbia, and has been a family divorce lawyer for over 25 years. She runs two different podcasts, "Be The Best Divorce Lawyer" and "The Better Divorce Project."
She helps families navigate through the rough terrain of divorce with ease and grace. Her secret to success? A unique and powerful approach that prioritizes an emotionally rewarding resolution for families while keeping court as a last resort. Val is a skilled advocate who will fight for your best interests every step of the way.
Websites & Socials
- The Better Divorce Project
- YouTube
Download "The 10 Bogus Beliefs About Divorce and Separation You Should Know" - for FREE
https://www.thebetterdivorceproject.com/better-divorce-newsletter.html
About Tracy Leslie Holthoff Martin
Leslie Holhoff Martin is a professional writer, divorce coach, and co-parenting specialist. Leslie survived teen pregnancy at the age of 16. When she was 26 years old she got divorced. As a single parent, she studied to earn her degree in Psychology. Presently, she is in the process of obtaining her Ph.D. She has used her past experiences to guide others through the divorce process and improve their co-parenting relationships. She has recently published a book entitled “Not Mary Not Roe: The Survival Story of a Reluctant Teen Mom”.
Hey there, everyone! This is Val. I have some exciting stuff to share with you in this podcast episode. Have you ever considered what it means to truly parent? And, did you know there's a lot more to it than just being there for your child's every whim and need?
Let's dive into the world of parenting, custody, and the fascinating realm of alternative dispute resolution. Picture this: You're a loving parent, facing a disagreement with your ex-partner about how to raise your children. Sounds tough, right? You might be asking yourself, "How do I resolve this without putting our children in the crossfire of a courtroom battle?"
Now, let's take a step back. What is alternative dispute resolution anyway? It's a way of resolving disputes outside the traditional courtroom. It's a process that invites creativity and personalization to find solutions that courtrooms often cannot provide. Have you ever thought about how this could impact your family?
Imagine being able to resolve disputes in a way that works best for your unique situation. Instead of engaging in an emotionally draining, adversarial court process, you'd have the freedom to come up with solutions that really work for you and your children. Sounds like a dream, doesn't it? But here's the best part - it's not just a dream. This is the reality of alternative dispute resolution, and it's why I am such a staunch advocate for it.
Let's take the case of Elsa and Elmo, two loving parents with diametrically opposed ideas on parenting. They could have ended up in a bitter court battle, but instead, they chose alternative dispute resolution. The result? They found a way to co-parent their spirited children peacefully and productively. This is the power of choosing a process that allows for flexibility, adaptability, and empathy.
Doesn't this story make you think? It shows us that being a great parent can mean many things, and it's not always about winning or losing, but about finding the best way to nurture and guide our children's development.
Now, I'm not saying getting custody of a child is an easy decision. It's not. It's often complicated and emotionally charged. And sometimes, you might need to seek custody for very real and important reasons, like if the other parent is unavailable, unable to care for the child, or if there is a high level of conflict. But remember, every situation is unique, just like Elsa and Elmo's.
And here's my point: instead of resorting to a combative approach, consider alternative dispute resolution. Not only does it often result in a less stressful process, but it also allows you to create the best possible outcome for your children. Isn't that what we all want, after all?
Here is the breakdown of this episode:
(01:52) What is the court's perspective on parental responsibilities
(04:28) The importance of mediation in conflict resolution
(05:18) The role of alternative dispute resolution
(13:02) The serious considerations of child custody
If you're dealing with a custody dispute or just want to learn more about these processes, stay tuned. We've got plenty more to discuss on this journey. And remember, parenting is an adventure, not a battle.
Stay strong, everyone! Until next time.
Much love,
Val
Work With Me! About Val
Val Hemminger is based in Westshore, British Columbia, and has been a family divorce lawyer for over 25 years. She runs two different podcasts, "Be The Best Divorce Lawyer" and "The Better Divorce Project."
She helps families navigate through the rough terrain of divorce with ease and grace. Her secret to success? A unique and powerful approach that prioritizes an emotionally rewarding resolution for families while keeping court as a last resort. Val is a skilled advocate who will fight for your best interests every step of the way.
Websites & Socials
- The Better Divorce Project
- YouTube
Download "The 10 Bogus Beliefs About Divorce and Separation You Should Know" - for FREE
https://www.thebetterdivorceproject.com/better-divorce-newsletter.html
Are you looking for personal guidance and mentoring through your divorce process? Work with me! Here are 2 ways I can help you:
- Private, 12-Month Divorce Coaching Package is a high-touch one-on-one experience. https://www.thebetterdivorceproject.com/divorce-coaching.html?_kx=
- Group program, 12-Month Divorce Coaching. https://www.thebetterdivorceproject.com/divorce-education-class.html?_kx=
Hello everyone, It’s Val. In today's episode, I'm thrilled to have the opportunity to interview Tracy Coenen, a financial fraud expert and a forensic accountant for more than 25 years. She finds money. Particularly in relation to people who are going through the separation and divorce process. She talked about the financial infidelity “red flags” including the concept of financial abuse. Tracy has a program called “the Divorce Money Guide” as an alternative for making the “money-divorce” scenario uncomplicated.
As the interview began, Tracy highlighted the significance of her role in the divorce process. She emphasized that people usually grapple with two major concerns during a divorce - the fate of their children and the future of their finances.
Tracy proceeded to define the concept of financial infidelity, explaining that it encompasses a variety of elements, from secret spending to purchasing items a spouse would not have approved. Essentially, it is dishonesty concerning how money has been spent.
It was also very enlightening when Tracy mentioned the common “red flags” that could be telltale signs of financial infidelity. In her work with individuals going through a divorce, she found that most people initially didn't realize these signs were cause for concern. This prompted her to make a “Red Flag Assessment” for people to take and evaluate if they are at risk of financial fraud in their marriage.
I mean, just think about it. What if the money is being used to control the spouse?
Although there is a lot of overlap with financial infidelity, Tracy defined that when money is used to control the spouse’s behavior, even spending recklessly from the family’s shared funds, this is already considered financial abuse.
Here is the breakdown of this episode:
(08:10) What is financial infidelity
(11:06) Financial infidelity “red flags” you should watch out for
(14:13) Super easy way to do forensic accounting of divorce money
(17:07) The things you should look for in your bank and credit card statements
(22:10) What is the difference between financial infidelity and financial abuse
(23:57) How to see the signs sooner through the red flag assessment tool
(25:32) Your alternative option to the very expensive forensic accounting
(29:11) The first step you should take before telling your spouse about divorce
As a summary of my interview with Tracy Coenen, finding out the “red flags” has been painful. But, as Tracy said, for the most part, her clients would later realize that with a number of suspicions and questions they have, they just needed to know one way or the other. If you want to learn more about discovering the red flags sooner, check her website at fraudcoach.com.
I would like to extend my gratitude to Tracy Coenen (who told me that I could be a forensic accountant) for this delightful conversation and for offering alternative ways of discovering all the assets people are entitled to and having more control over their divorce.
Much love,
Val
Work With Me! About Val
Val Hemminger is based in Westshore, British Columbia, and has been a family divorce lawyer for over 25 years. She runs two different podcasts, "Be The Best Divorce Lawyer" and "The Better Divorce Project."
She helps families navigate through the rough terrain of divorce with ease and grace. Her secret to success? A unique and powerful approach that prioritizes an emotionally rewarding resolution for families while keeping court as a last resort. Val is a skilled advocate who will fight for your best interests every step of the way.
Websites & Socials
- The Better Divorce Project
- YouTube
Download "The 10 Bogus Beliefs About Divorce and Separation You Should Know" - for FREE
https://www.thebetterdivorceproject.com/better-divorce-newsletter.html
About Tracy Coenan
Tracy Coenen has been retained for forensic accounting engagements a number of times and has served as an expert witness in both state and federal courts. As a solo practitioner for more than 20 years, she has the privilege of working directly with her clients and performing nearly all work on their financial investigations.
You can contact her directly at tracy@sequenceinc.com or visit her website at fraudcoach.com
Hey everyone, it's Val here, and today we'll be discussing the benefits of hiring an alternative dispute resolution (ADR) lawyer to handle your family law matters, and why this approach could save you time, money, and stress.
First, let's talk about what alternative dispute resolution is. ADR is an umbrella term that includes various methods to resolve disputes outside of the traditional court system. We'll be focusing on four main ADR strategies: negotiation with lawyers, mediation, mediation-arbitration, and collaborative family law.
But why should you even consider using an ADR lawyer in the first place? Let me tell you a story. When my marriage ended after 18 years, things were tense at the beginning. But instead of going through a traditional court process, we resolved our matter through negotiation with lawyers. Now, several years later, we're friendly with each other, and it's great for our kids and our entire family.
Now, I want to ask you a question. Why not keep your hard-earned resources, your family's resources for your family, your future, your children, and even your ex-spouse, rather than spending all of your resources on lawyers? ADR tends to cost less than the traditional court method. And that's just one reason to consider hiring an ADR lawyer. Do you really want to hate your ex forever? ADR can help you avoid long-lasting animosity and foster a healthier relationship post-divorce, especially if you have kids.
But what about privacy? Courts are public proceedings, and going through a separation and divorce is a highly personal thing. Do you want your personal information and intimate details out there in the public eye? ADR can help you maintain privacy and avoid your dirty laundry being aired in public.
Now, let's discuss creativity. Courts are bound by the law, and the law isn't creative. ADR lawyers can help you come up with unique solutions that make sense for your specific situation. For example, maybe one parent stays in the family home until the youngest child finishes high school, preserving everyone's finances and stability.
Another advantage of hiring an ADR lawyer is that the traditional court route can take a long time, sometimes months or even years. With ADR, you can resolve your issues more quickly and get on with living your future life. And finally, the most significant benefit of using an ADR lawyer is stress reduction. Going through traditional court is stressful for everyone involved, so why not save yourself a whole lot of stress and hire an ADR lawyer to resolve your matter?
Here is the breakdown of this episode:
(3:26) Can alternative dispute resolution lawyers help you reach a fair settlement?
(4:52) The pros and cons of lawyer negotiations in divorce proceedings
(6:03) The power of four-way meetings in divorce cases
(8:07) How can mediation help you reach a legally binding settlement?
(9:27) The benefits of involving lawyers in the process
(11:34) How collaborative family law streamlines divorce resolutions
(14:23) The financial advantages of alternative dispute resolution
(15:42) The impact of alternative dispute resolution on family dynamics
(18:16) How alternative dispute resolution helps couples navigate divorce challenges
That's it for today's episode, folks. I hope you now have a better understanding of why hiring an alternative dispute resolution lawyer for your family law matter can be a game-changer. Remember, you have options, and sometimes the best solution lies outside the courtroom. Thanks for tuning in, and I'll catch you in the next episode!
Much love,
Val
Work With Me! About Val
Val Hemminger is based in Westshore, British Columbia, and has been a family divorce lawyer for over 25 years. She runs two different podcasts, "Be The Best Divorce Lawyer" and "The Better Divorce Project."
She helps families navigate through the rough terrain of divorce with ease and grace. Her secret to success? A unique and powerful approach that prioritizes an emotionally rewarding resolution for families while keeping court as a last resort. Val is a skilled advocate who will fight for your best interests every step of the way.
Websites & Socials
- The Better Divorce Project
- YouTube
Download "The 10 Bogus Beliefs About Divorce and Separation You Should Know" - for FREE
https://www.thebetterdivorceproject.com/better-divorce-newsletter.html
Are you looking for personal guidance and mentoring through your divorce process? Work with me! Here are 2 ways I can help you:
- Private, 12-Month Divorce Coaching Package is a high-touch one-on-one experience. https://www.thebetterdivorceproject.com/divorce-coaching.html?_kx=
- Group program, 12-Month Divorce Coaching. https://www.thebetterdivorceproject.com/divorce-education-class.html?_kx=
Hey everyone, Val Hemminger here, and welcome to another episode of the podcast! Today, I'm incredibly excited to share with you my conversation with the amazing Hashondra Smith. In this episode, we dive deep into her personal journey through a tough divorce, and how she managed to emerge from it stronger and more resilient than ever. We'll be discussing the importance of honest communication, self-love, and the strategies she used to reconnect with herself and her children during this difficult time. So let's jump right in!
You know, divorce is one of those life events that can be completely overwhelming and all-consuming. But as Hashondra shared with me, it's crucial that we take a step back and focus on ourselves during these trying times. Hashondra revealed the importance of honest communication with her children and allowing them the space to work through their emotions. Can you imagine how difficult it must be to give your children the space they need, especially when you just want to make everything better for them?
Hashondra also discussed the incredible impact of self-love and self-appreciation on her journey. As she put it, when you disconnect from your partner and focus on yourself, you'll often discover that you can live without them – it's just a matter of figuring out how. So how did Hashondra foster that self-love and self-appreciation? Affirmations, daily self-talk, and giving herself grace. She spoke her desires and dreams into existence, even when it felt like her life was falling apart.
And what about the advice she'd give to someone going through a similar situation? Well, Hashondra believes in asking yourself tough questions and answering them honestly. Are you scared of the work it takes to start over? Or is it the fear of living without that person? It's important to be brutally honest with yourself and face your fears head-on.
Now, imagine someone who's listening right now, in the midst of their own divorce or separation, wondering how they'll ever make it through. What pearls of wisdom would Hashondra share with them? She encourages them to focus on themselves, increase their self-love, and be honest about their feelings. And if you're curious about how she managed to transform her life using these strategies, you'll definitely want to listen to our conversation.
Hashondra is not only a shining example of resilience and self-love, but she's also an incredible life coach and consultant. If you're interested in learning more about her work and how she might be able to help you through your own challenges, be sure to check her out at www.hashondra.me
Here is the breakdown of this episode:
(3:22) Can talking, listening, and gracing ourselves transform our divorce experience
(7:40) How can a long-term plan help you navigate life's challenges
(10:35) The importance of balancing goals and personal growth
(12:35) How do you find grace in life's most challenging moments
(14:19) What does life look like beyond your relationship
(15:18) How to find accountability and strength through shared experiences
(26:36) The power of disconnecting and focusing on yourself
(28:42) How honest affirmations can transform your life
So there you have it, folks! An inspiring conversation filled with valuable insights, practical advice, and a whole lot of heart. I hope you enjoyed this episode as much as I did, and I can't wait to hear what you think! Remember, sometimes the hardest moments in life can lead to the most beautiful transformations – so don't be afraid to face your fears and embrace your own journey to self-love and happiness. Until next time!
Much love,
Val
Work With Me! About Val
Val Hemminger is based in Westshore, British Columbia, and has been a family divorce lawyer for over 25 years. She runs two different podcasts, "Be The Best Divorce Lawyer" and "The Better Divorce Project."
She helps families navigate through the rough terrain of divorce with ease and grace. Her secret to success? A unique and powerful approach that prioritizes an emotionally rewarding resolution for families while keeping court as a last resort. Val is a skilled advocate who will fight for your best interests every step of the way.
Websites & Socials
- The Better Divorce Project
- YouTube
Download "The 10 Bogus Beliefs About Divorce and Separation You Should Know" - for FREE
https://www.thebetterdivorceproject.com/better-divorce-newsletter.html
Are you looking for personal guidance and mentoring through your divorce process? Work with me! Here are 2 ways I can help you:
- Private, 12-Month Divorce Coaching Package is a high-touch one-on-one experience. https://www.thebetterdivorceproject.com/divorce-coaching.html?_kx=
- Group program, 12-Month Divorce Coaching. https://www.thebetterdivorceproject.com/divorce-education-class.html?_kx=
About Hashondra
Hashondra Smith, a renowned author, speaker, and certified life coach, has made a significant impact worldwide over the past 20 years.
As the co-owner of thePinkGroup, a branding and marketing team, she first made her mark in the publishing world with her book "ATTACHED" in 2017. The book is a poignant exploration of her experiences as a teenager grappling with the emotional consequences of losing her virginity.
In 2022, she released the sequel, "unATTACHED - the Final Season," chronicling her 20-year journey to find her authentic self in the realm of romantic love. Hashondra's books, events, and music tackle uncomfortable yet relatable topics, leaving her audience with invaluable tools for life transformation.
Hashondra is also the proud owner of DONT OVER THINK ME LLC and the founder and president of the Manifest A Deliverance Foundation INC. Her ventures aim to foster personal growth and help individuals achieve their life goals, a mission close to her heart as she openly shares her struggles with overthinking.
Today we're diving into the world of divorce lawyers. Divorce can be a challenging and emotional time, and choosing the right lawyer to represent you is crucial. So grab a cup of coffee, and let's explore how to find the best divorce lawyer for your case.
First off, let's talk about why it's essential to have a good divorce lawyer in the first place. You see, the right lawyer can help you navigate the complex legal landscape, protect your rights, and ultimately achieve the best possible outcome for you and your family.
You might be wondering, "Val, where do I even begin when looking for a divorce lawyer?" Great question! Start by checking online reviews. These reviews can give you valuable insights into how a lawyer operates, and if they're a good fit for you. But remember, nobody's perfect – so one or two negative reviews shouldn't deter you. However, if you see a pattern of dissatisfaction, it's time to look elsewhere.
Now, when meeting a potential lawyer, make sure they have a clear communication plan regarding case strategy, billing practices, and how they'll communicate with you throughout the process. After all, you don't want any surprises when it comes to the cost of your divorce. Are they transparent about their fees? Do they have a clear retainer letter? These are essential questions to ask!
Here's something you might not have considered: How do you feel when you meet your divorce lawyer? This is a crucial aspect, as you'll be working closely with this person during a vulnerable time in your life. You want to ensure that you resonate with each other and feel comfortable sharing your fears, hopes, and expectations.
Now, for my friends in British Columbia, I have a list of five questions you'll want to ask a potential divorce lawyer to make sure they're the best fit for your case:
- Are they qualified to practice collaborative family law, and do they have dispute resolution, mediation, and negotiation skills training?
- What are their billing practices, including hourly rate, retainer expectations, and payment methods?
- How much experience do they have practicing family law?
- What is their plan for getting the case started and reaching a resolution?
- How do they communicate with clients, and will they go to court if necessary?
Here is the breakdown of this episode:
(2:22) Why should you check websites before hiring a lawyer
(3:53) The importance of hiring the right lawyer
(5:54) Why is it essential to check if the lawyer has a dispute resolution training
(8:01) How online reviews can help you choose the right lawyer
(9:41) How communication and transparency in billing practices play a crucial role
(12:09) The importance of hiring a skilled mediator
(17:27) Why is it crucial to hire a lawyer who is willing to go to court
Remember, folks, choosing the right divorce lawyer is crucial for a successful outcome. Keep these tips and questions in mind as you search for the best divorce lawyer for your case. That's it for today, and I hope this information helps you on your journey to finding the right legal representation.
Much love,
Val
Work With Me! About Val
Val Hemminger is based in Westshore, British Columbia, and has been a family divorce lawyer for over 25 years. She runs two different podcasts, "Be The Best Divorce Lawyer" and "The Better Divorce Project."
She helps families navigate through the rough terrain of divorce with ease and grace. Her secret to success? A unique and powerful approach that prioritizes an emotionally rewarding resolution for families while keeping court as a last resort. Val is a skilled advocate who will fight for your best interests every step of the way.
Websites & Socials
- The Better Divorce Project
- YouTube
Download "The 10 Bogus Beliefs About Divorce and Separation You Should Know" - for FREE
https://www.thebetterdivorceproject.com/better-divorce-newsletter.html
Hey everyone, It’s Val, recently I had the pleasure of interviewing Bill Miles and Kristen Noel, intuitive divorce coaches. They have a program called the “best self-intuitive divorce”. We have an insightful conversation about their journey and how they're helping people navigate through the emotional and challenging process of divorce.
In the first part of our interview, Bill and Kristen share how they met and connected over their shared experiences with divorce. They both found common ground in wanting to help others navigate through the emotional, mental, and legal hurdles of divorce. Their approach focuses on guiding people to find their best selves throughout the process.
One of the key takeaways from our conversation was the importance of intuition in the decision-making process. As Kristen mentioned, "Intuition is the most powerful tool we have." This powerful insight led them to create their 5 Shifts that will help you take charge of your divorce, reduce the burden of emotional distress, and save both time and money for yourself and your children.
So, what are these five shifts?
The first shift is about finding clarity. Kristen explains that clarity comes from knowing what you want and what you don't want in life. This helps you make more informed decisions and create the future you desire.
The second shift revolves around creating boundaries. Bill emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries in your relationships and your life. He says, "When you set boundaries, you protect your energy and yourself."
The third shift talks about learning to trust yourself. Kristen shares her experience of not trusting herself during her divorce and how that impacted her. She highlights the importance of trusting your gut instincts and making choices that align with your values.
In the fourth shift, we discuss the importance of reframing your divorce. Bill explains that by reframing your divorce as an opportunity for growth and learning, you can shift the entire experience. This mindset can help you design a better chapter in your life and model healthy relationships for your children.
Finally, the fifth shift is about investing in coaching. Bill and Kristen believe that seeking support from a divorce coach can save you time, money, and emotional pain in the long run. They explain that coaching is more proactive and future-focused than therapy, and it empowers you to make the best decisions for your life moving forward.
Here is the breakdown of this episode:
(3:11) The negative impact of conflict on children during and after divorce
(5:39) The importance of emotional grounding and intuition in navigating divorce decisions
(12:02) Embrace the opportunities for growth and new beginnings after divorce
(16:41) The multi-faceted approach to self-care: Movement, solitude, and nature
(28:34) Learn to filter through emotions and communicate with children effectively
(33:52) Turn imperfect moments into teachable moments
To sum up, my conversation with Bill Miles and Kristen Noel provides valuable insights on how to navigate the divorce process with intuition and self-awareness. If you want to learn more about their work, you can find them at bestselfintuitivedivorce.com.
I thank Bill and Kristen for joining me in this enlightening conversation and for the incredible work they're doing to help people through one of the most challenging times in their lives.
Much love,
Val
Work With Me! About Val
Val Hemminger is based in Westshore, British Columbia, and has been a family divorce lawyer for over 25 years. She runs two different podcasts, "Be The Best Divorce Lawyer" and "The Better Divorce Project."
She helps families navigate through the rough terrain of divorce with ease and grace. Her secret to success? A unique and powerful approach that prioritizes an emotionally rewarding resolution for families while keeping court as a last resort. Val is a skilled advocate who will fight for your best interests every step of the way.
Websites & Socials
- The Better Divorce Project
- YouTube
Are you looking for personal guidance and mentoring through your divorce process? Work with me! Here are 2 ways I can help you:
- Private, 12-Month Divorce Coaching Package is a high-touch one-on-one experience. https://www.thebetterdivorceproject.com/divorce-coaching.html?_kx=
- Group program, 12-Month Divorce Coaching. https://www.thebetterdivorceproject.com/divorce-education-class.html?_kx=
About Bill Miles & Kristen Noel
Kristen Noel is a mother of one and a Certified Intuitive Divorce Coach. With her passion for empowering others, she co-founded Best Self Media and currently serves as the Editor-In-Chief of Best Self Magazine. Through her work, Kristen helps individuals navigate the complexities of divorce, encouraging them to find emotional grounding and embrace new beginnings.
As a father of three, Bill Miles understands the challenges that come with divorce. He channels his experiences into his work as an Intuitive Divorce Coach, guiding clients through difficult transitions. In addition to his coaching practice, Bill is the Co-Founder of Best Self Media and the Creative Director of Best Self Magazine. His compassionate approach helps clients create a healthier future for themselves and their families.
You can contact them at hello@bestselfmedia.com or visit their website to learn more about their work www.learning.bestselfmedia.com/intuitive-divorce#divorcelawyer #separation #breakup #familylaw #divorcecoach #divorceadvice #divorce #divorcesupport #divorced
Today, we're diving into the world of property division in divorce. Are you ready to explore the fascinating differences between community property states or provinces and those without this concept? Let's get started!
First things first, let's figure out whether you're in a community property state or province, like British Columbia, or not. Why does this matter? Well, in community property jurisdictions, the law assumes that assets and debts accumulated during your relationship should be equally divided between you and your partner. But what happens when things aren't so clear-cut? Let's take a look at an interesting case involving our friends, Batman and Robin.
In this scenario, Batman and Robin have been together for a long time, with Robin taking on the financial and parenting responsibilities while Batman is busy fighting crime (and running off with Harley Quinn!). Now that they're separating, the law says Batman is entitled to half the equity in their family home. But is that fair to Robin? We'll delve into that and explore possible alternatives that could make everyone happy.
Now, when it comes to dividing property in a divorce, you'll want to hire an experienced lawyer who's well-versed in property division. Why? Because not all lawyers focus on this aspect of the process, and having a specialist on your side can make all the difference. Trust me, you'll thank me later.
Property division can get quite complex, especially when dealing with assets like cars and debts. Let's talk about a hypothetical family with two Acuras - one from 2010 and another from 2024. The newer car comes with a hefty loan, while the older one is paid off. How should this debt be divided fairly? I've got some insights and potential solutions for you.
It's essential to remember that in community property states or provinces, the idea of one party "getting everything" in a divorce is often a misconception. Most of the time, it's a matter of sharing the wealth and assets accumulated during the relationship. So, what should you include in your property division? I'll guide you through the process, ensuring you don't miss anything important.
Here is the breakdown of this episode:
(1:12) Property division in a community state/province
(5:17) Importance of hiring an experienced property division lawyer
(7:55) Is taking the new car in the property division really fair?
(10:00) Misconceptions about property division in community states
(10:44) What assets and debt to include in the property division
Join me as we navigate the ins and outs of property division in divorce. Together, we'll explore the intricacies of community property jurisdictions, discuss interesting cases, and make sure you're well-prepared for this significant life event. Are you ready to take this journey with me? Let's go!
Much love,
Val
Work With Me! About Val
Val Hemminger is based in Westshore, British Columbia, and has been a family divorce lawyer for over 25 years. She runs two different podcasts, "Be The Best Divorce Lawyer" and "The Better Divorce Project."
She helps families navigate through the rough terrain of divorce with ease and grace. Her secret to success? A unique and powerful approach that prioritizes an emotionally rewarding resolution for families while keeping court as a last resort. Val is a skilled advocate who will fight for your best interests every step of the way.
Websites & Socials
- The Better Divorce Project
- YouTube
Download "The 10 Bogus Beliefs About Divorce and Separation You Should Know" - for FREE
https://www.thebetterdivorceproject.com/better-divorce-newsletter.html
Hello there! In today’s episode, I’ll be discussing the key qualities that you should look for in a high-net-worth divorce lawyer. You might be wondering, what makes a high-net-worth divorce lawyer different from a regular divorce lawyer? The main difference is that high net worth cases often involve more complex financial and asset matters, which require specialized knowledge and experience to handle effectively. So, let’s dive into what you should look for in a lawyer who can help you navigate the complexities of a high-net-worth divorce. First and foremost, it’s crucial to find a lawyer who is not only experienced but also a good listener. You might be asking, why is listening so important? Well, a lawyer who truly listens to your concerns and priorities will be better equipped to tailor their approach to your unique situation. This will help ensure that your needs are met, and your voice is heard throughout the process. Now, let’s talk about communication. Have you ever wondered what makes a good communicator? In the context of a high-net-worth divorce lawyer, effective communication means being able to explain complex legal concepts in simple, understandable terms. This will help you stay informed and make better decisions throughout your case. Another important aspect to consider is your lawyer’s ability to manage their emotions. You might be thinking, what does managing emotions have to do with being a good lawyer? The truth is a lawyer who can remain composed and focused, even in emotionally charged situations, will be better equipped to represent you effectively and move your case forward. I also highlight some red flags to watch out for when choosing a high-net-worth divorce lawyer. You should avoid lawyers who act as puppets, simply following their clients’ desires without considering the law. A good lawyer should be able to tell you both the good news and the bad news, even if it’s not what you want to hear. Additionally, make sure your lawyer is not charging excessive legal fees just because you have a high net worth.
Here is the breakdown of this episode: (0:54) The necessity of vast experience in high-net-worth divorce representation
(7:43) Prioritizing transparent communication for successful high-net-worth divorce.
(10:08) The role of emotional stability in high net worth divorce proceedings
(13:34) The impact of teamwork and dialogue on divorce outcomes
(19:24) The value of a skilled support team in high-net-worth divorce cases
(22:16) Resolving cases through interest-based negotiation techniques
(24:13) The need for honesty from your divorce attorney
(27:20) Ensuring ethical billing practices in high-net-worth divorces
To wrap up, finding the right high-net-worth divorce lawyer can make all the difference in the outcome of your case. By focusing on the qualities we’ve discussed today – such as listening, communication, emotional management, organization, and negotiation skills – you’ll be well on your way to finding the right lawyer to help you navigate the complexities of your high-net-worth divorce.
Much love,
Val
About Val
Val Hemminger is based in Westshore, British Columbia, and has been a family divorce lawyer for over 25 years. She runs two different podcasts, "Be The Best Divorce Lawyer" and "The Better Divorce Project."
She helps families navigate through the rough terrain of divorce with ease and grace. Her secret to success? A unique and powerful approach that prioritizes an emotionally rewarding resolution for families while keeping court as a last resort. Val is a skilled advocate who will fight for your best interests every step of the way.
Websites & Socials
- The Better Divorce Project
- YouTube
Download "The 10 Bogus Beliefs About Divorce and Separation You Should Know" - for FREE
https://www.thebetterdivorceproject.com/better-divorce-newsletter.html
If you're considering a separation or divorce, it's essential to think beyond the financial cost. So let's explore the actual cost of litigation compared to mediation together. Litigation can cost double, triple, or even be ten times more expensive than mediation. It involves spending a lot more time in the courtroom, which can be emotionally draining. You're handing over the decision-making power to a stranger who doesn't know you or your family! It is important to understand the impact of litigation on your children. Kids are smart, and they pick up on more than we give them credit for. Going through a litigation process can be confusing and scary for them, not to mention that it takes away from the time you could spend with them. Other relationships can suffer, too, as friends and family members may not always want to hear about your legal battles. And litigation can take months, even years, to resolve, while mediation could lead to an agreement in just one day. Here is the breakdown of this episode:
(0:51) Litigation vs. mediation in divorce and separation proceedings (1:54) The financial impact of litigation and why mediation may be a better choice (3:58) The emotional toll of litigation in divorce (6:12) How the process affects your relationship with your children (9:27) Time is money: how litigation can delay your family dispute resolution (12:19) Weighing the pros and cons: making the right choice for your family's future.
Before deciding to take your separation or divorce to court, consider all these factors. Mediation may not be the right choice for everyone, but it's worth considering…The question to ponder is, what is the most important factor to you when deciding between litigation and mediation? Much love, Val
Work With Me! About Val
Val Hemminger is based in Westshore, British Columbia, and has been a family divorce lawyer for over 25 years. She runs two different podcasts, "Be The Best Divorce Lawyer" and "The Better Divorce Project."
She helps families navigate the rough terrain of divorce with ease and grace. Her secret to success? A unique and powerful approach prioritizes an emotionally rewarding resolution for families while keeping court as a last resort. Val is a skilled advocate who will fight for your best interests.
Websites & Socials
- The Better Divorce Project
- YouTube
Are you feeling a bit stuck, overwhelmed or stressed about your divorce? Don’t hesitate to reach out. I have got your back; visit: thebetterdivorceproject.com
Today I’ll talk about something that's often portrayed as a messy and contentious process - divorce. But it doesn't have to be that way. In fact, there are many ways to make the separation process amicable, even if you and your spouse are not on the best of terms.
One of the best ways to achieve an amicable divorce is to hire a lawyer who has dispute resolution training. This extra training will help your lawyer keep you out of court, negotiate a settlement, and save you money on legal fees. When you're in the process of hiring a lawyer, make sure to ask about their dispute resolution qualifications.
Another crucial aspect of achieving an amicable divorce is communication. It's important to keep communication lines open with your spouse, even if they are not receptive to it. This will help the process move forward and avoid unnecessary litigation. One way to ensure communication is to practice the BIFF method, which stands for brief, informative, friendly, and firm. This technique can be especially helpful when dealing with a high-conflict spouse.
It's also important to remember that even though your relationship with your spouse is changing, you are still a family. This mindset can help you approach the separation process with respect and care, which can lead to a more amicable outcome. Additionally, if you have children, it's essential to keep them in mind throughout the process.
Remember that your spouse is still their parent, and it's important to respect their relationship with your children. Keeping this in mind can help you approach negotiations with your spouse in a more positive and collaborative manner.
Key takeaways from the episode:
(1:22) The advantages of amicable divorce processes
(2:55) Avoiding the pitfalls of court proceedings
(6:04) The financial advantages of choosing an amicable divorce process
(7:00) The upsides of avoiding litigation in divorce
(8:59) How mediation can benefit parents and children during divorce
(13:18) How choosing mediation can help you save time during divorce proceedings
(16:20) The impact of litigation on personal life and relationships
(22:03) The advantages of choosing a collaborative divorce process
(25:36) How hiring a lawyer with mediation experience can benefit your divorce
(31:14) How the BIFF method can help reduce conflict during divorce
(36:42) The importance of hiring the right lawyer for an amicable divorce
Here is a brief list of the 10 points that I share, discuss, and reflect upon in the video:
- The importance of having an amicable divorce
- Hiring a lawyer with dispute resolution training
- Being communicative with the other party
- Remembering that you are still a family, even if it looks different than expected
- Managing your expectations
- Using the Biff method of communication (brief, informative, friendly, firm)
- Practicing respect, compassion, and care toward your ex-spouse
- Not losing sight of the fact that the other parent is half of your children
- Getting rid of a combative lawyer if necessary
- Focusing on the goal of your future self post-divorce
Much love,
Val Hemminger I hope these tips will be helpful in understanding how to achieve an amicable divorce. Remember that even if you and your spouse are not on the best of terms, it's possible to approach the separation process with respect, care, and a focus on the future. If you have any questions, feel free to reach out to me!
Work With Me! About Val
Val Hemminger is based in Westshore, British Columbia, and has been a family divorce lawyer for over 25 years. She runs two different podcasts, "Be The Best Divorce Lawyer" and "The Better Divorce Project."
She helps families navigate through the rough terrain of divorce with ease and grace. Her secret to success? A unique and powerful approach that prioritizes an emotionally rewarding resolution for families while keeping court as a last resort. Val is a skilled advocate who will fight for your best interests every step of the way.
Websites & Socials
- The Better Divorce Project
- YouTube
Download "The 10 Bogus Beliefs About Divorce and Separation You Should Know" - for FREE
https://www.thebetterdivorceproject.com/better-divorce-newsletter.html
Welcome! Today I'll be discussing the pros and cons of collaborative family law. As someone who has been practicing law for years, I've seen firsthand the benefits and potential drawbacks of this approach. So let's dive in.
Collaborative family law is a process that allows both parties to work together to reach a mutually beneficial agreement. It promotes open communication, transparency, and fairness. The key benefit of this approach is that it allows both parties to avoid court and maintain control over the outcome. This means that both parties are more likely to be satisfied with the final settlement.
It tends to be less expensive than traditional litigation. Thus, it eliminates the need for costly court proceedings, saving both parties a significant amount of money. Plus, it's generally faster, allowing both parties to move on with their lives quicker.
“Focus on the future, not on the fight!” This is the essence of collaborative family law, making it less emotionally draining than traditional litigation. By working together, both parties can avoid the adversarial nature of court proceedings and maintain a more amicable relationship.
Now that we've explored the bright side of collaborative family law, it's time to dive into the potential pitfalls. Or, as they say, every rose has its thorns - and this approach to family law is no exception.
For starters, Collaborative family law may not work for everyone. In cases where one party is unwilling to compromise or is dishonest, it may not be effective. In addition, the process can be lengthy and require a significant amount of time commitment from both parties. It also requires the involvement of multiple professionals, such as parenting experts, divorce coaches, and finance professionals, which can add to the cost.
Sometimes, parties may withdraw from the collaborative law process after investing significant resources without reaching a resolution, which can be frustrating and costly. Additionally, the process may require one party to make concessions they wouldn't have had to make in a court of law, which may not be fair.
Here are some of the key highlights from the video:
(0:42) How to navigate the process with trained lawyers (2:58) How collaborative law differs from litigation and mediation (4:18) The financial benefits of collaborative law (7:18) The collaborative law approach to achieving optimal solutions (14:01) How collaborative law lawyers achieve faster, more affordable resolutions (14:43) Dealing with dishonesty in collaborative law (16:05) The key to choosing your collaborative law partner (18:40) The importance of timing in collaborative law (24:50) Navigating collaborative law without both spouses having collaborative lawyers (25:24) Collaborative law: is it the right choice for your family?
So, before making any decisions about your family law case, I urge you to ask yourself: what are your top priorities?
By carefully considering all the pros and cons of collaborative family law, you can make an informed decision about which approach is the best fit for you and your family.
Work with Divorce Coach Val Hemminger And Build a Confident Settlement
About Val
Val Hemminger is based in Westshore, British Columbia, and has been a family divorce lawyer for over 25 years. She runs two different podcasts, "Be The Best Divorce Lawyer" and "The Better Divorce Company".
Websites & Socials
The Better Divorce Project
YouTube
Be ready for your separation and divorce process and save legal fees at the same time with this divorce to-do list.
I am regularly amazed that so many people have done little or no preparation when initially consulting with me. Initial preparation saves you and your lawyer oodles of time, thus significantly reducing the amount of your investment in legal fees. Regardless of whether or not you retain a lawyer, foundational preparation is the key to having you gain clarity for your path forward.
Because this is likely your first separation or divorce, you probably have only an inkling of an idea as to what you need to do to prepare. This list is not exhaustive, does not have to go in order, and not everything in it will apply to you, but it will give you a great start.
Preparation is key.
Much love,
Val Hemminger
Visit thebetterdivorceproject.com for stress-free and drama-free divorce resources.
#divorcelawyer #separation #breakup #familylaw #divorcecoach #divorceadvice #divorce #divorcesupport #divorced
Over the years, parents have asked me how to approach their parenting post-separation best because sometimes, they unwittingly trample over their children’s rights after the divorce. Kids will get through your separation and divorce process if you let them. I mean that you have to be diligent about not exposing your child to ongoing conflict and turmoil.
This Bill of Rights for Children of Divorced Parents is self-explanatory and gives you powerful parenting guidelines to help you navigate your co-parenting relationship.
Lois V. Nightingale created it. Nightingale puts children’s rights after divorce first and foremost in her practice as a clinical psychologist and marriage, family and child counsellor. She has kindly allowed me to reprint it with her permission. I have made some additions over the years.
So, here is the list of 30 rights of children from divorced parents; please listen in, share it with your kids, and share it with your ex and others that might find this information useful.
Much love,
Val Hemminger
Are you feeling a bit stuck, overwhelmed or stressed about your divorce? Don’t hesitate to reach out. I have got your back; visit: thebetterdivorceproject.com
Your first appointment with a divorce lawyer is more important than you think; save time and money when you come prepared with these 6 tips
Your first appointment with a divorce lawyer should be one of the first actions you take. Because you are getting divorced, you will need to know what the law says in your specific jurisdiction. Even if you do not hire a lawyer immediately, you will want to understand your rights and responsibilities. This is not the time to cheap out. Pay them for an hour of their time. That way, you can move forward armed with the knowledge you need, whether or not you hire a lawyer right away.
The better prepared you come to your first appointment with a divorce lawyer, the more productive your meeting will be.
When choosing the best family law lawyer for your matter, you will want to ensure that your lawyer specializes in family law, have lots of experience, and are good at what they do.
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The fee arrangement.
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Your basic information.
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Your financial picture.
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The reasons why
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Any personal risks?
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Documents, documents, documents!
The point is this; you want to be as prepared as possible so that your lawyer can help you as much as possible.
Do you want to learn more about how to run a successful law practice and not end up stressed and burnt out in the process? Visit my website: www.bethebestdivorcelawyer.com
If you can, separate and divorce without court do it! Why? Well, there are a lot of reasons. Think about it. In this episode, we'll dive into the details of the top 6 reasons why you should separate or divorce without going to court. Here's the list:
- Judges don’t always get it right.
- Why hand over life-changing decisions to a stranger?
- The money, oh the money it costs
- Don’t you have better things to do before getting on with your future life?
- STRESS!
- Did I mention the dirty laundry?
If you are feeling a bit stuck, overwhelmed or stressed about your divorce? Don’t hesitate to reach out. I have got your back. Visit: thebetterdivorceproject.com or email me at val@thebetterdivorcecompany.com
Much love
Val
Choosing the Best Family Divorce Lawyer for you and your changing family circumstances is more important than you think. Not all divorce lawyers are created equally.
In this episode, Val goes over the questions you can ask yourself when meeting and hiring the best family divorce lawyer for your matter.
- Ask yourself, has this lawyer inspired your confidence by “taking charge” (in a respectful way) during your initial meeting?
- Has your family law lawyer given you a clear outline of your rights and responsibilities?
- Find Out if Your Potential Lawyer is “Good” at what they do
- Ask if They are Specifically Trained in Dispute Resolution
- The Lawyer’s Billing Practices
Choosing the wrong family law lawyer can significantly impact everything related to your divorce. It can impact your finances, how long the process will take, and if you are divorcing with young children, it will impact your children and their future. Let’s just say that you cannot be careful enough.
Links & Resources
Visit thebetterdivorceproject.com for stress-free and drama-free divorce resources.
#separation #breakup #familylaw #divorcecoach #divorceadvice #divorce #divorcesupport #divorced #divorcelawyer
Can you divorce without a lawyer? Of course you can! However, most of the time, when we think about getting divorced, we are really thinking about getting a legally binding final separation agreement that answers these three questions:
- How are we dividing our assets?
- What is the parenting plan for our kids?
- What is the support obligation, if any?
In this episode, I'll go over the 4 instances when you should definitely hire a lawyer. Divorcing without a lawyer is up to you. However, I highly recommend that you do consult with a lawyer in your specific jurisdiction to understand your rights and responsibilities and to draft your final and legally binding separation agreement.
If you are feeling a bit stuck, overwhelmed or stressed about your divorce. Don’t hesitate to reach out. I have got your back, visit: thebetterdivorceproject.com
Much love,
Val
In this episode, we will discuss how to rebuild your life after a divorce. Rebuilding your life after divorce does not have to wait. You might still be in your marriage and thinking about getting divorced. You might even just be newly separated from your spouse.
So many people think that they have to wait until they are divorced or have a legally binding separation agreement before they can start rebuilding. You do not have to wait. Your new life is available to you right now. Here are my top 5 strategies for rebuilding your life after divorce, that will allow you to build a more successful and happy life.
#1 – Start a forgiveness practice Ho’oponopono
#2 - Counselling or Therapy.
A word of caution, however. Not all counsellors are created equally. Nor are all counsellors helpful in terms of helping you heal. While it is important to give your counsellor or psychologist the context of what happened, sometimes it is not useful to spend all of your time focusing on and deconstructing your past experiences.
#3 - Life coaching.
A common misconception is that life coaching is therapy from an unlicensed practitioner in disguise. In reality, life coaching is designed to help you create the life you want and deserve.
#4 - Start a spiritual practice.
For some, a spiritual practice is studying A Course in Miracles, and for others, it might be a return to the faith they were raised in. We are spiritual beings, whether you want to admit it or not. I look at it because we are all here at earth school. We came here to learn what we need to in this lifetime.
#5 -Manifesting
This is by far my absolute 100% favourite for rebuilding life after divorce. I love it so much; I saved the best for last. I combined my understanding of the work of Abraham Hicks's law of attraction and asking for lots and expansion in my life using the technique and advice of David Cameron Gikandi in his work called A Happy Pocket Full of Money.
You can discover more about the manifestation technique I created by reaching out to me.
Much love, Val
Visit thebetterdivorceproject.com for stress-free and drama-free divorce resources.
Links:
www.thebetterdivorceproject.com
Hoʻoponopono
Abraham-Hicks.com
Book: A Happy Pocket Full of Money
If I was to recommend one book and one book only, it is hands down How to Talk so Kids Will Listen & Listen so Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. It has had a profoundly positive impact on my relationship with my daughter. The strategies in the book are straightforward, simple and easy for us to learn. They also help with all kinds of relationships, not just your kids.
Some people consider this “How to” book as the ultimate parenting bible on how to effectively communicate with your child.
This book will help you navigate your conversation regarding your separation and divorce. It will also help you build upon your relationship with your child going forward. You will be more connected and prepared for future conversations not only with respect to your divorce but other challenges your child will face as they are growing up.
In this week's episode, we discover the strategies to hold that difficult conversation with your children. Let's dive deep.
If you are feeling a bit stuck, overwhelmed or stressed about your divorce? Don’t hesitate to reach out. I have got your back, visit: thebetterdivorceproject.com
Are People Happier After Divorce? - Making the Tough Decision and Your future focus
For a lot of people, getting divorced and separated is so heartbreaking that they could be happier after divorce. For most people, getting divorced is likely to be the most stressful event they experience in their lives.
Although some would say that people are not happier after divorce, I disagree wholeheartedly.
As a family law lawyer that has acted for literally thousands of people by now, I can say that I have never had a client say that they wish they could have stayed married. This is the case even for those who were completely devastated when it happened.
if you are wondering if people are happier after divorce and are in the process of making that tough decision, remember that your future may be very bright, interesting, and tons better than where you are right now.
If you are feeling a bit stuck, overwhelmed or stressed about your divorce? Don’t hesitate to reach out. I have got your back. Visit thebetterdivorceproject.com to find resources for a drama-free divorce.
Much love,
Val
Are People Happier After Divorce? - Making the Tough Decision and Your future focus
For a lot of people, getting divorced and separated is so heartbreaking that they could be happier after divorce. For most people, getting divorced is likely to be the most stressful event they experience in their lives.
Although some would say that people are not happier after divorce, I disagree wholeheartedly.
As a family law lawyer that has acted for literally thousands of people by now, I can say that I have never had a client say that they wish they could have stayed married. This is the case even for those who were completely devastated when it happened.
if you are wondering if people are happier after divorce and are in the process of making that tough decision, remember that your future may be very bright, interesting, and tons better than where you are right now.
If you are feeling a bit stuck, overwhelmed or stressed about your divorce? Don’t hesitate to reach out. I have got your back. Visit thebetterdivorceproject.com to find resources for a drama-free divorce.
Much love,
Val
The Difference Between Separation and Divorce
You can be separated from a spouse you are legally married to, but that is not what getting a divorce is.
A divorce is an order of the court. It is a legal document that only says one thing: you are not married anymore. Unlike a separation, when parties decide their spousal relationship is “over,” a divorce cannot simply be decided upon. A divorce has to be in the form of a court order and must be applied for by one or both parties. A divorce is a court order.
If you apply for a divorce, you must let the court know the grounds (or reasons) for your divorce.
In Canada, for example, there are three reasons for the court to grant a divorce:
- the spouses have lived separately for at least one year
- adultery
- mental and/or physical cruelty (abuse)
Although there are many cases of abuse and adultery in our country, most divorces are granted because the parties have lived separately for a year or more.
It is much harder to prove adultery or abuse. As a result, most people apply for their divorce because they are separated, even if adultery or abuse existed in their relationships.
You can start the divorce process anytime you want; you just don’t get to have the court make the order until after a year has passed.
Do you need to get divorced?
Obtaining a divorce is not mandatory.
There are many reasons why people who are formally married want to get divorced. For some people, getting a divorce is important because they no longer want to be legally tied to their former spouse. It is their way of moving on to their future. For others, they get divorced because it allows them to marry someone else.
Obtaining a court order stating that they are divorced is not a priority for everyone—some people who are separated never obtain a divorce.
If you intend to not bother with obtaining the formal order for divorce, you will want to ensure you have a separation agreement. A legally binding separation agreement will protect you from unintended consequences (such as a continued obligation regarding property division) if you stay formally married.
A word of caution regarding not getting an order for divorce:
If you wish to protect your property, you must get a binding separation agreement dealing with parenting, support, and property if you have not yet moved forward with getting a final divorce.
I have a client who has suffered significant consequences because he failed to obtain a separation agreement or a divorce. He did not want to spend any money on lawyers and did not think obtaining any legal advice was necessary when he and his wife separated. I will call him Olek. Olek is from Ukraine. He and his wife, whom I will call Nina, married in 2012 in Ukraine and immigrated to Canada. In 2013, their daughter, Nadiya, was born. Difficulties arose early on in their relationship. Nina said she hated life in Canada. She said she hated Olek and did not want to be with him anymore. Nina said she was going back to Ukraine with Nadiya and would never return. Although he was heartbroken about it, Olek consented to Nina taking their daughter Nadiya to live with her in Ukraine. At her request, Olek sent Nina their marriage certificate and the fees for her to file for a divorce in Ukraine. Olek had assumed he was either divorced or the divorce was in process. He did not think a legally binding separation agreement was necessary. He was wrong.
Olek got on with this life. He worked hard and began to enjoy some financial security. He and his brother purchased a house with one another in 2017. However, Olek never forgot his daughter and went to Ukraine to visit her on several occasions. On one of these visits, Nina suggested they get back together. Always wanting to keep his family together, Olek agreed to try and even took a 7-day romantic getaway with Nina. The reunion did not work. Olek returned to Canada as a single man. There were; however, numerous photos demonstrating the couple's romantic relationship when he was on that visit.
In the fall of 2018, three and a half years after she left Canada, Nina returned from Ukraine. Nina, still formally married to Olek, claimed an interest in his house and denied that they ever separated. She has used the photos from their romantic getaway as “proof.”
I am confident that Olek will succeed in court and prove their separation, but this still costs Olek and his brother many thousands.
This is why I say it is essential to consult with a legal representative in your jurisdiction to ensure you know your specific rights and obligations.
Separation:
Both married and unmarried spouses can separate.
To separate, all you have to do is decide that your spousal relationship is over, inform your spouse, and start behaving in a way that reflects your decision.
Whether you intend to get a divorce or not, you want to get a separation agreement (or court order) that finalizes and clarifies your legal rights and responsibilities going forward. Don’t end up like Olek.
If you are feeling a bit stuck, overwhelmed or stressed, don’t hesitate to reach out. I have got your back: val@thebetterdivorcecompany.com
Get your FREE guide: 7 essential elements for a less painful divorce: www.thebetterdivorceproject.com
The Effect of Divorce on Children
I am sure you are like most parents. You want your kids to live happy, healthy lives with financial abundance and successful relationships. So let’s get back to your question about the effects of divorce on children. This is what I always say to my clients “your kids are going to get over your separation and divorce if you LET them!”
How your kids experience the effect of your divorce is tied to you and the other parent’s behaviour.
The effect of divorce on your children will likely be positive if you co-parent peacefully with the other parent and terrible if you don’t.
After the initial separation phase, kids settle down into their new routines and life. However, when parents are at war, regardless of whether that war happens in front of the children, kids feel it and know it; your kids are being hurt by it. Research shows that ongoing conflict damages children's bodies and the development of their brains. You want to do everything possible not to kaobosh any toxicity in your co-parenting relationship.
The Effect of Divorce on Your Children will be tremendously negative if you place them in the middle of parenting disputes.
I recall a case where I was involved where the parents remained in high-conflict despite their separation. These parents are the gold standard for what NOT to do. They not only remained high-conflict with one another but embroiled their children in their ongoing dispute.
The child, Daniel, began acting out in his class with inappropriate attention-seeking misbehaviour, was unable to concentrate on his school work, and frequently sobbed in class. Despite his being in distress and his parents being well aware of it, their conflict continued unabated. They lost sight of what was important for their child and continued to damage his well-being continuously.
This is what the parenting coordinator stated in one of her reports (I have changed the names and some details to protect confidentiality): This is a high-conflict matter, and there is no improvement in the level of conflict. It is my opinion that both parties are so engrossed in conflict and “winning” (from their perspective) that there is no evidence of a positive co-parenting relationship in relation to any issue. The parties have many complaints about each other in relation to parenting – and the list continues to grow. Their children are caught in the middle of parental conflict.
The counsellor at Daniel’s school contacted me in relation to his distress. She reported his misbehaviour and added that she was concerned that Daniel was being questioned about safety at Dad’s home inappropriately. She stated that Mom advised that Daniel was not safe at Dad’s home. Daniel denied safety issues with his father. The counsellor believed Daniel was in the middle of a high-conflict parenting arrangement and noted that his responses were prefaced by “my mom says.”
When parents continue at war, kids think it is their fault. They think that if they were better or more lovable, their parents would not have to fight. Such kids have a high likelihood of mental health challenges, challenges with their academic performance, challenges with addiction, inappropriate risk-taking behaviours, and other behavioural problems.
The opposite is also true. If kids experience their separated parents working together for their best interests, it makes them feel loved and cared for. It makes them feel that the adult issues are not their fault.
I compare this to another client; I will call her Harriet. Harriet and John have two girls. They are separated, and Harriet loves her girls immensely. So does John. Both of them make it a priority that, despite their separation, they will put their girls’ interests first.
Not only do these girls see their parents discuss important decisions relating to the girls, but they also share holiday meals together, and whenever there is a school concert or sports game, the girls see their parents sitting together, cheering them on. They are still a family; it just looks way different than they expected.
The Effects of Divorce on Your Children Depends on You.
So, what do you do to lessen the effect of divorce on your kids? Always be the better person. If your ex is a high-conflict type, be like Gandhi. Be peaceful in the face of adversity. If you get that missile text or email, think, does it even need a response? Don’t scold your ex. They won’t listen anyway. Don’t bite. Don’t embroil yourself in disputes for the sake of your kids. Much love, Val
Get your FREE guide: 7 essential elements for a less painful divorce at www.thebetterdivorceproject.com