Thrive Podcast w/ Randy Scobey: Recent Episodes
Making Beautiful Moments, Learning To Thrive
Watch now | Talking about being accused of depravity (a humorous look), and about social media and how I will be using it. Also, this GenX gay guy says do not fear but be aware!
This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.randyscobey.com/subscribe
Watch now | Talking about being accused of depravity (a humorous look), and about social media and how I will be using it. Also, this GenX gay guy says do not fear but be aware!
This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.randyscobey.com/subscribe
We had a lot of fun, safe fun, last night. Hope you had a wonderful New Year’s Eve as well. Here’s to us as we Thrive in 2025!
This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.randyscobey.com/subscribe
This year has been incredible as you will see in this highlight reel. Also, this year we released my first book WHY: A Memoir!! Also it was my first time at a true “Hollywood” Party, WEHO Pride, and Beverly Hills. Plus, lots of fun visiting Cozumel, Roatan, Belize City, Costa Maya, Nassau, Puerta Plata, St. Thomas, and St. Maarten! Plus loved ones and chosen family, to new friends and instant connections.
Now, let me add a caveat: Apple didn’t release their AI tools until a couple of months ago, and I was unaware that they could automatically create videos from your photo albums until a few weeks ago. This compilation of several AI-compiled videos by Apple does contain some overlap (similar photos). Also, all music is not my own and from Apple suggestions.
With all that said, I hope you enjoy the full video. It’s filled with lots of love and great energy!
This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.randyscobey.com/subscribe
This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.randyscobey.com/subscribe
This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.randyscobey.com/subscribe
In this episode we talk about WHY being mentioned in my local paper, The Sanford Herald (Florida), How Elon can kiss my dimply , Christians for Kamala Harris, and what my faith looks like today.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.randyscobey.com
Yesterday I was sitting in the hot tub messaging/texting friends and a small dragonfly flew in and perched on top of my iPhone. He would fly off and come right back off and on for several minutes. So I asked the Universe,” Universe, what are you trying to say to me?” So I messaged Martina and she said to google it, lol. So, I looked up the symbolism of the dragonfly and got:
“The Dragonfly normally lives most of its life as a nymph or an immature. It flies only for a fraction of its life. This symbolizes and exemplifies the virtue of living in the moment and living life to the fullest. By living in the moment, you are aware of who you are, where you are, what you are doing, what you want, what you don’t, and to make informed choices on a moment-to-moment basis. The eyes of the Dragonfly symbolize the uninhibited vision of the mind and the ability to see beyond the limitations of the human self. Dragonflies can be a symbol of self that comes with maturity. They can symbolize going past self-created illusions that limit our growth and ability to change.
The Dragonfly has been a symbol of happiness, new beginnings, and change for many centuries. The Dragonfly means hope, change, and love.”
Kinda perfect. And, along those lines… I have an experience to share.
An experience about how two BIG compartmentalized aspects of my life came together as one at a recent conference. I also made a deeper realization that owning both of those aspects as one, in the moment, is not something to be feared. I never hid my past religious activities or beliefs at work. They all know who I was and the person I now truly am.
I just really tried to not talk about it too long at work because “I” was still ashamed of myself. Plus, I am there to do a specific job and all that :), not share war stories.
This recent experience reaffirmed a lesson I have been learning through the memoir writing/editing/publishing process. I am one soul on one journey. I will own all of who I was and am. I will always own the moment I inhabit with the wealth of experiences that brought me to that very moment.
To Begin…
If you had told me ten years ago, I would be at a work-sponsored event where over four thousand LGBTQ+ professionals gathered in person at a Disney World, two thousand more virtually, to discuss how to increase visibility in the workplace…I would have blinked three times and said… huh? Who? Me? … nope NOpe noPE NOPE!
Yet there I was with some colleagues a few weeks ago representing our company at the biggest conference I have ever attended; the Out & Equal 2023 Workplace Summit.
And every major company was a sponsor. Well, every one of them that I like anyway. Even Cracker Barrel was there!
Along with amazing keynote speakers like Laverne Cox, Netta, Brandon Wolf, Alok, and many others, we also got to hear from O&E’s CEO, Erin Uritus. I respect Erin’s passion, vision, and leadership. During the conference, I loved going to the workshops on how to better develop corporate BRGs (business resource groups), special panels on activism and its history, amazing trans speakers, resources, panels, and representation. There were interviews with authors and a whole panel of NBC lgbtq+ reporters having a great discussion on their experience as queer reporters. During the day I enjoyed wonderful conversations with my colleagues on how, what, why, and when to do certain efforts and projects where we work.
I’ve said a lot over the past few years that now that I know better, I want to do better; I used to use my superpowers for evil and I want to use them for good.
I did at this conference, and it felt GREAT! I felt a skillset I hadn’t fully used in a decade get passionately engaged and it was electrifying.
Plus, after the day’s activity, we had SO much fun over drinks, dinner, and laughter. One night we went to the Animal Kingdom and went on the 3D screechy Avatar ride (I was the one screaming/narrating through the whole thing), swam in beautiful pools, and even floated around a lazy river at one of them. My colleagues are hilarious. Some of us adopted names: One of them is Momma, I am Auntie, another is Gampy, and yet another is Blanche! Lol
So not only was it of great benefit professionally, but I also felt included in the community in a way I never felt to this extent before. I never knew this level of professional fulfillment, as an openly gay man, could exist for me. I am glad I found this job, worked hard, and earned my way into this world; it’s a good fit.
Along with all of that, I had quite a few deep conversations with a new work friend, Michael Galluccio. He and his husband Jon made history in the United States as the first gay couple to legally adopt their children as a couple. They paved the way in New Jersey for gay couples to adopt their children jointly just like any other straight couple has been able to do without question since people began adopting children. Their historic precedent would soon spread to all fifty states and even the concept of gay parenting would become mainstream due to their courage.
The best part is I got to tease him many times a day for several days. He’s easily teasable. Our energies matched instantly.
What?! You are swimming in the pool with HIM now!?
I have permission from Michael to share this story. Below is a synopsis of a couple of conversations that I am glad we’ve had that day and beyond the pool.
The question above was from Michael’s husband on the other end of the call Michael made while standing in four feet of water. His surprise came after Michael shared with him that I used to be an ex-gay right-wing conservative advocate who supported all the people who were fighting against their efforts during their adoption fight in the late 90s.
Yeah… it happened. If I were Jon I would be surprised too.
I probably did but I don’t remember ever writing about or talking publicly (maybe in radio interviews?) about gay adoption. I am sure I did but can’t remember where or when. But I remember their case and at the time shaking my head with religious hypocritical disdain. And here we were over twenty years later laughing, swapping stories, hanging out in a big ol’ swimming pool drinking cocktails, and did I mention a lot of laughing?
Also, while Michael and his husband were lobbying for gay marriage in New Jersey, we figured out that I was the one who whipped up pastors at four different events in New Jersey to hold a protest during one of the hearings on the matter that they were at. We are still digging around to see where our past advocacy paths crossed… it’s kind of amazing.
Now, this shocking phone conversation (for Michael’s husband) happened on the last day of the conference. Michael and I had some pretty deep conversations over the days so he knew my story, how I got sucked up into that world, and how I finally found my way out. I shared with him that I kept my faith but am now more of a Universalist Christian. He asked some great questions and said his mind was blown. I didn’t press him for an explanation for blowing his mind because I could see something was happening deep within him. I sensed I should let him be.
It’s been several weeks and we have had a few work meetings together and offhandedly he would insert, “That time in the pool is one of the best experiences of my life.” I was shocked and thought that was out of left field but welcomed. After the second time he said it, I texted him a day later and asked if we could set up a time to talk about it. So we did…
Michael shared that before I came along he would have thought that people like the self-loathing version of me, would never be able to or want to leave, the right-wing religious world; a world bent on fighting LGBTQ+ people on every level. Basically, in his mind, he had judged us as having no hope for us to escape our religious bigotry to grow and evolve.
He shared that our conversations opened his eyes to how vulnerable gay people can get sucked up into that world and brainwash us to the point we can’t or wouldn’t want to leave.
He said I represented a complex and very real person and not a religious caricature he didn’t even realize he had imposed on people. Michael said he realized that he was doing the same thing that right-wing haters do to their opponents: oversimplifying and looking down on his opponents with the same locked-in negative attitude.
He didn’t want to be like that anymore and was very happy we met and became friends. He also said it had ignited some thoughts on his personal faith. I don’t feel comfortable sharing that part of his story. That’s his story to tell if he ever wants to do so.
Embracing the Whole, not fearing the parts…
I live in the Orlando area (Sanford) and drove to Disney World for the conference. On the way down, briefly… much briefer over the years, I felt that familiar knot of fear in my stomach of people bringing up my past. But over time, I have learned to not push it aside. Instead, I reminded myself that my past and present are always with me, wherever I go because I embody all of it and should embrace the wholeness, not fear the parts. I made a personal commitment to authenticity when I came out in 2015 and today I am seeing the benefits of that commitment in exponential ways.
You know, using my superpowers for good and embracing my queer joy by living, loving, laughing, and swimming around with beautiful people in pools revealed something.
The journey was hard AF and still can be, but authenticity is worth the very real and sometimes hard to keep commitment. It’s worth it because authenticity is the only place where personal peace lives.
Thank you, Out & Equal
Thank you, Michael and Jon.
Thanks, Universe, for the visiting message of a beautiful dragonfly.
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Jeremy has been a good friend of mine since the stone age! His survivor story of going through the ex-gay world to now an out gay man who is also a chaplain is amazing. His courage will inspire you.
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NEW “Alive to Thrive with Randy Scobey -- Special Guest, Jacob Head (Video)” —Jacob has been a friend and inspiration for a long time. You will appreciate his candor and story. Below is the video version of the interview.
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During our weekly meeting last Monday, my publisher suggested the title "Why" and its corresponding subtitle for my book. I'm incredibly pleased with the suggestions and eagerly agreed with them immediately. Then I announced it online, and the ensuing discussions have only heightened my enthusiasm.
I like the title Why because it is open-ended and doesn’t end with a question mark. “Why” is a powerful little word that will meet the reader where they are at. It can be read as a question or a statement.
For writers, that is like word magic! :)
So far, the feedback has been incredibly optimistic about the title and subtitle. Interestingly, a handful of people who knew me in my self-loathing ex-gay days asked why it didn’t say, “Why Conversion Therapy?” or some derivation of that. The subtitle foreshadows why Why isn’t narrowed down to one topic:
I survived abuse only to live a lie before learning thrive as my true self.
Living a lie is when I lived and promoted ex-gay ideology (conversion therapy of a religious nature) for twenty-three years (twenty-one within Exodus). But I am about to turn 55 in a couple of weeks. That means 32 years of my life have nothing to do with Exodus or trying to live a lie. This memoir is not confined to the self-loathing version of me, so it wouldn’t be accurate to modify the title Why along the conversion therapy lines.
From 1968 to 1992, I went through hell. Absolute hell. I experienced every kind of abuse (i.e., emotional terrorism, physical assault, sexual assault, systemic disenfranchisement, losing friends to AIDS, etc.) long before I heard of Exodus or what an “ex-gay movement” was. This traumatic conditioning (PTSD) is what set me up to think that the lie was Truth with a capital “T” (religious ‘cause God said so!’ kind of truth). So much so that I started teaching and promoting the lie, which then spread the destruction to others. But tragedy happened in 2013 that exposed the lie for what it was, destructive and sometimes deadly abuse.
Eventually, I came out in 2015 and have been learning to thrive as my true self ever since. The book goes into all that and connects many dots that I am confident readers will identify with or at least come to a deeper understanding of how some of us ended up in the cult of ex-gay ministry and its ideology.
But in another way, my story is like any other human story. Mine might be a steroid-level WTF kind of messy, but I don’t know a soul whose journey doesn’t have some WTF kind of mess at some point. Living life tends to be full of good decisions, horrible decisions, and consequences…lots of consequences. But it is also a human story of doing better once you know better, not just to live but to make amends, seek justice, and thrive.
Add in all that drama sprinkled with a good dose of sardonic wit, and you get a memoir that I hope will inform, inspire, and positively impact the reader no matter what their “Why” was when they first opened the book.
Coming in 2023, my memoir Why — Published by IOM Inspirebytes - Author Profile
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Hello Friends!
Merry Christmas! I love the week before and after Christmas almost as much as the holiday itself. Everyone is so excited and doing their last-minute shopping, traditions, eating, and dreaming of getting their pit bull in a Christmas tutu (or is it just me?), but don’t because she would eat the glittery tutu first.
Gigi likes to chew and eat everything. I think a goat got involved in her lineage somehow. If we ever have a wildebeest problem… she’s our girl. But, I digress, ::: lifting up a mug of eggnog ::: enjoy your holiday.
I remember as a kid having great Christmas mornings with presents piled under the Christmas tree and taking a nap in the middle of all the torn wrapping paper and bows. Then, I remember piling into the car to see our extended family at Great Granny’s house. She would always greet us with a gigantic smile, hugs, and kisses and rush back to the kitchen, where she and my Great Aunt Ruby would finish cooking Christmas dinner.
She made me feel special; I always got my chocolate pie and hot dogs. When Uncle Boochie died, I was the oldest blood-male relative, so I also got to sit at the head of the table. I was nervous as all got out, thinking my Uncles (married in) hated me for it.
They didn’t. They could care less…
Eventually, with the passing of time and Sallie Mae’s (my Great Granny) promotion to a guardian angel, the holiday feasts at her house ceased. Add that to the negativity at home; we stopped celebrating Christmas. It was “just another day,” according to my stepfather, so the celebrations stopped for all holidays and even birthdays. No more piles of presents, naps in wrapping paper, no chocolate pies, but sometimes there were hot dogs because they were easy to make.
Sidenote: my stepfather is a very different person nowadays…that journey could be a whole other book. But I can say I love him with genuine affection.
Later in life, during the years believing I was “called” to celibacy, sometimes I would get invites to friends’ houses. While they were lovely and inclusive, I always felt incredibly awkward. I did try to make my own set of traditions but getting drunk while decorating a Walmart tree with dollar store ornaments only goes so far. Nevertheless, I loved my humble tree. It was adorable. It was even cute when blurred by tears.
Now, in the present, last weekend, when our little family was getting ready for a Christmas party. I was drinking a Christmas cocktail as Dan finished primping, and Autumn showed off her ugly Christmas sweater by dancing around the house to the classic Christmas music playing on all speakers. The Christmas tree in the corner was lit; Dan beautifully decorated the house. The dogs were super sweet hanging out after their evening feast, guarding me as I type this; I will admit to being flushed with emotion, seeing that the Divine had arranged for and provided a family to enjoy once again.
Today, I even make whiskey chocolate pecan pie in honor of Great Granny Sallie Mae every year. Now, it would be perfect if I could get Dan and Autumn on board with the hot dogs at the Christmas meal.
Are You Having A Tough Time This Holiday? I Understand
Many folks are alone or having a difficult holiday; I can genuinely empathize. However, if someone has a holiday where negative religious reasons knowingly/unknowingly burden them, I get it. It sucks. That would describe far too many Holidays in my life.
At one point, I started to combat the suckiness by reviving or creating traditions that genuinely made me happy.
OH yes, before Dan, Autumn, and the fur kids came along… as many hot dogs and chocolate pies as I wanted :). One year my Christmas meal was lobster mac and cheese! I loved eating every delicious bite. I had classic Christmas carols and hymns playing throughout the day, painting, writing, talking with loved ones on the phone… whatever brought peace and joy into the home.
I also stopped comparing my current situation to my childhood and what others were doing. Even in the closet, to myself and others, my authentic self was aching to be expressed. In the last few years in the stained glass closet, despite not feeling complete (yearning for my own family), I did enjoy those Bachelor Christmas festivities. I chose to be grateful, to be content regardless of circumstance.
And if I needed to allow the black hole of shoulda, woulda, coulda to suck all the life out of the room, I permitted myself to do that as long as I made a fun plan afterward. Usually, I would get involved in making the fun plan in my head, and the black hole of despair would stomp off for lack of attention.
I hope those experiencing sadness this holiday will embrace intentional gratitude and joy.
Even though my life is dreamy now, part of my heart will always be with the lonely at Christmas. So regardless of how your holidays are going, whether I know you yet or not if you need a friend on this side of the screen… Hi! Feel free to email me or private message me on Instagram or Facebook. I would love to hear from you.
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It is Christmas Eve, and my first cooking foray into non-microwavable meals is in the crockpot. It will be what we will call Anthony’s Mississippi Pot Roast! I got the recipe from my friend Anthony. When it comes to cooking, I am good at microwaving, boiling, and making ONE particular pie. So branching out into the world of the crockpot, throwing it all in, and leaving it for 8 hours is a big deal.
No, it’s not. But I am making it one because it’s fun to be self-deprecating and overly dramatic.
We have The Daughter and will celebrate Christmas with her today and tonight before she goes to her Mom’s tomorrow. Which reminds me, I have three pies to make :).
By the way, I woke up to only 30 degrees outside! That ain’t right y’all. We didn’t get the blinding snow (or any snow, so far), but this is enough to make me pull out my closed-toed shoes and try to find the one winter coat I have in the back of the closet.
It’s fun to have this little bit of real winter. It will make the fireplace incredibly cozy tonight when we open presents.
For those inclined to pray, please pray that as I commandeer the kitchen for pot roast and pies, no one gets sick. That would suck if my first pot roast food poisoned people or something. So pray for good food and that no one develops a new neurosis or has anything catch on fire/explode. « All been known to happen when I am in the kitchen…
Thanks!
So have a very Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all.
Let’s have the courage to be our beautiful selves together,
Get full access to Beyond The Stained Glass Closet at randyscobey.substack.com/subscribe
Hello Friends!
It’s been a bit quiet since my last post, huh? That has been on purpose. After feedback and talking with my publisher last month, it seemed best to beef up this one post a week instead of several, splitting my time and attention throughout the week. Plus, editing the book will take more and more energy as we progress to try to get it published next year (maybe mid-year?) I will still post on Facebook and Instagram whenever the mood hits, so join me there. I am @rrscobey on both.
This weekly newsletter and podcast will come out every Saturday!
Last Monday, I discussed with The Grand GETEL (Greatest Editor That Ever Lived). The Grand Getel said my memoir is another powerful “human” journey. As such, it transcends any particular aspect of a singular event or experience within that journey.
I have been working on integrating all the compartments of my fractured life for quite a while. As a result, I know what it is like to transcend any particular good or bad experience. However, this exercise in self-actualization took on a new depth during and after our discussion.
Writing from the “whole” of my truth, instead of being limited to the opinions and expectations of others I have built up in my head, will make the memoir more impactful, purposeful, and relatable.
While some of my journey’s plot points are like a startling roller-coasters running the whole gamut of human joys, trials, and tribulations… it’s deeply human at its core. I love reading and hearing others’ stories and look forward to presenting mine in this memoir next year.
Beyond The Stained Glass Closet is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
The Dandy Doggos, Queen Gigi the Grey, and Eli the Dramahuahua have had a rough week. Eli has gotten out of hand for the past few months with his possessiveness, aggression, and purposeful “accidents” in the house. We had a pretty big tiff Monday when he mauled my thumb again for having the nerve to put him down off my lap.
Eli can be such a complete a*e! But I love him so…
I was at a breaking point but reflected on what could be different to cause him to act out ALL the time. It didn’t take long to realize Gigi has been getting way more attention lately. Eli rules through power, and Gigi governs the humans through nonstop kisses and hugs. Recently, she has constantly been taking his toys, bumping him out of the way for attention or cuddle time, and even stealing his food when he would get distracted and walk away for a split second.
So I started walking him alone, not with Gigi, which has made an enormous difference. Also, last night we got them both toys and did not let Gigi take Eli’s toy away from him. We had to pry it out of her mouth twice (a sneaky girl!), and Gigi still thinks she needs to be the center of attention for everything. However, she got better as the week progressed while still making her displeasure of not being put first in a few situations known (huffing, stomping off). She is and always has been super duper sweet so I am sure she will adapt.
Watching Eli silly growl at and playfully toss his toy in the air was fun. Chasing Gigi when she got the zoomies with her new ball was also fun. Eli is a real curmudgeon, but I think he’s a little happier knowing he’s being intentionally singled out for attention and engaged with love.
That sounds like a life lesson… lol. At least Eli hasn’t tried to maul my thumb again this week.
I haven’t written anything about current controversies or the ex-gay menace that still exists because I don’t have the bandwidth. And that’s ok. Life is more than one aspect of it… right?! :) So, with that in mind. Here’s an endearing, adorable despite itself photo that encapsulates the way this week went around the Dandy Ranch:
Let’s have the courage to be our beautiful selves together,
Get full access to Beyond The Stained Glass Closet by Randy Scobey at randyscobey.substack.com/subscribe
Hello friends! Merry Saturday to you.
I found a newly added feature in my Canva Pro (what I used to create the graphics here), and I love it. So you may see more fun, artistic changes on the website and a more consistent “style” in the visuals. Of course, all feedback is encouraged and appreciated. Do you like it? love it? … meh? lol.
The BTSGC Podcast Now Consists of Post Voiceovers That Are Recorded on Saturday Mornings
As is always the case when I move to a new platform, I bite off more than I can chew, and everything shakes out to what I can actually do rather quickly. Creating a whole podcast show (in the traditional sense) takes hours (for me). Add that to the bill-paying job, editing the memoir, and my side gig (content creation, social media monitoring) I don’t have enough hours with my family.
And, we can’t have that.
That said, I have found that I can easily add article voiceovers to the articles I have written in the past week. I do that on Saturday mornings and publish them to the podcast feed. The audio gets picked up by all the podcast platforms BTSGC is on. So there is fresh podcast content usually late in the day on Saturdays and definitely by Sunday. So if you want to listen to my posts, look for the Beyond The Stained Glass Closet on most major podcast platforms. The links to some of the big ones are on the homepage of this substack (scroll down a bit).
Last Week Was Tough
I never worry about being seen as an activist, leader, or whatever. I am just a guy doing his thing by following his heart and writing about it. I share like-minded goals with higher-profile people considered activists/advocates. I often have conversations with them, usually behind the scenes, to help where I can.
So last week, when I read about Sam Brinton, it was tough. I respect Sam, but they have been charged with two counts of stealing luggage. I learned the details of their survivor story last week, even though we had several long conversations a few years ago. These charges also put a negative spotlight on Sam’s survivor story. I hope Sam corrects the doubters and answers the questions Wayne Besen asked last week. I’m still a fan of Sam in the sense I will support them if they come forward and lay it all on the table. I can’t believe the heart of gold I met a few years ago won’t face these very difficult questions and circumstances and do so honestly, even though they may have made some really bad decisions.
As Nelson Mandela said, “It’s never too late to do the right thing.”
My post about Sam and another one about Milo Yiannopoulos is linked below.
Let’s have the courage to be our beautiful selves, together. Have a great weekend!
Randy
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Last Week’s Articles
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One thing I have learned almost eight years outside of the stained glass closet is that all the human frailties and hypocrisy you can find in the religious right are also found in the progressive left, secular policy activism, national advocacy groups, local neighborhood HOAs, community programs of any flavor, and … you get the drift.
Yesterday wrote a heartbreaking article about Sam Brinton. I had lengthy conversations with Sam around four years ago, but they were the one asking questions about my journey out of Exodus. I didn’t know the details of their story until the past week or so after Sam was charged with stealing some very expensive luggage.
After Wayne’s article, everything they said about themselves and their story of being a conversion therapy survivor is in question. Add that to Sam’s legal issues, and it feels like a kick in the gut.
While I cannot argue with Wayne’s questions (very good ones), I love Sam. They were one of the few activists genuinely gracious to me at the time. Sam listened to me and offered me space. Now, what they thought of me privately, no clue. But in those conversations, I could tell they were fully present and interested in what I had to say. I want nothing but the best for Sam. I hope they will be more forthcoming with the details Wayne is seeking answers for and what happened with the luggage.
It reminds me of when Wayne also busted John Paulk at a gay bar many moons ago. That was a huge kick in the gut when John and I were both still in the ex-gay world. Devastating. Now I get it and have way more compassion but back then, absolutely horrendous and difficult to process. There was a tidal wave of anger/criticism/feedback from both the church and gay activists over John’s “fall.”
I noticed I had the same feeling for Sam yesterday as I did for John way back then. They are so different, so I wondered why the kick in the gut feeling wouldn’t leave. Well, I didn’t wonder long because it became clear rather quickly.
Beyond The Stained Glass Closet is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
They both painted a picture of themselves that endeared them to their supporters, which wasn’t fully honest and deceptive in some ways. Both are highly inspirational people with high public profiles on volatile issues. John in the past within the religious right and Sam now with their advocacy efforts and position within the Biden administration. They both had power and didn’t steward it in a way that fits their public persona; they let down many people. John eventually owned all of his truth. I am hoping Sam will, too.
That’s why one of my life mantras about sharing my story is to never talk past what I actually know and believe to be true and have lived. Otherwise, it is an opinion, a perspective, not fact. Facts are facts; opinions are opinions.
Again, I want the best for Sam as justice in the stolen luggage case takes its course, and they are punished for their confessed crime. I am sure this case is a top priority for them now, but hopefully, they will come to a place to answer Wayne’s questions at a time when they are ready.
And when all of that is said, I think this is an opportunity for introspection for progay organizations and individuals to look at why we tend not to vet the inspiring leaders within our midst; similarly, as a culture, what is it about this dynamic that allows for this to happen?
Necessary introspection and cultural analysis indeed.
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I love words, so I pick up on new ways to use them in culture, politics, and media. For example, I keep hearing about “virtue signaling” and wondered how did that become the current way to describe what is essentially a public show of self-righteousness?
Dictionary: Definitions from Oxford Languages
vir·tue sig·nal·ing noun – the action or practice of publicly expressing opinions or sentiments intended to demonstrate one's good character or the moral correctness of one's position on a particular issue.
"it's noticeable how often virtue signaling consists of saying you hate things."
And in surfing around the web about this, I learned about “vice signaling.” From Wikipedia:
Financial Times editor Robert Shrimsley suggested the counterpart term "vice signaling" for people who too-loudly proclaim their right-wing bonafides:
A vice-signaller boasts about sneaking meat into a vegetarian meal. He will rush on to social media to denounce as a 'snowflake' any woman who objects to receiving rape threats, or any minority unhappy at a racist joke...Vice-signallers have understood that there is money to be made in the outrage economy by playing the villain. Perhaps, secretly, they buy their clothes at the zero-waste shop and help out at the local food bank, but cannot be caught doing so lest their image is destroyed.
I don’t believe a vice signaling bully is secretly a saint, but I get it.
I have said, responded, and often write that when it comes to exgays only doing what they do for the money, most believe it is their calling (like I did in the past). Money was an important part, but the “calling” of God was the motivation whether we had a secured salary or not. I also often say that I can count on one hand the folks I believe are ONLY being motivated by money.
Milo Yiannopoulos is one of them.
The moment Milo announced he was ex-gay and wanted to reform conversion therapy… I shook my head and thought the only thing that man cares about is becoming infamous and manipulating anyone to achieve it. And then quickly forgot about him for a year or so.
I had no idea he was working for anti-semite Hitler fan Ye, also known as the artist I formerly respected, Kanye. From The Advocate:
Yiannopoulos had been a campaign manager of sorts in the rapper’s informal presidential campaign. He was the first to sign on, and then he brought in white supremacist Nick Fuentes and others.
However, tensions arose between Yiannopoulos and Fuentes after Yiannopoulos said he arranged to bring Fuentes to dine with Donald Trump at Mar-a-Lago. Yiannopoulos said he did so to “make Trump’s life miserable.” Fuentes disputed the account. Then there were rumors that Yiannopoulos tried to have Fuentes fired. Yiannopoulos denied this, while Fuentes did not respond to the Beast’s request for comment.
Unfortunately, Milo is a classic stereotype of genuine exgay greed and desperation. The political and cultural access he gets and loses over and over again is what many exgay leaders dream of but will never have unless they up their “signaling” game. Anne and Andy are trying to get more consistent with doing so.
I bet they are crafting letters to fill the Milo void in Ye’s world as we speak.
I find it interesting that Milo’s rehabilitation of conversion therapy has produced absolutely nothing. It’s also interesting he hasn’t been hired as a keynote speaker for any of the current exgay conferences held around the country. Has he even attended one of their groups, programs, or counselors?
I don’t think so because they can do nothing for him in his agenda at this time.
I hope, at some point, he drops the act. Infamy is overrated and short-lived. Milo’s innate worth as a gay man is priceless. No amount of money or infamy can displace that truth. I hope someday he will have eyes to see who he really is.
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Hello Friends!
Here is the BTSGC Weekly Update!
Monday started great with a memoir editing meeting. It was a fantastic time. We were entirely in sync, and I loved it. We started digging into the content editing of the memoir, and it was challenging in some good ways. It sparks joy to see necessary information filled in, distractions removed, and what needs to be said done with clarity, oomph, and sometimes a good dose of humor. :)
I love the process they have created. It is entirely different from the process I had when I contributed to books in the past. Much more interested in my voice instead of someone else's agenda. Very cool! I am now beyond convinced I found the right publishing home.
BTSGC Community
The BTSGC posts have had one of the busiest weeks since coming to Substack in September. Empathy is a lost art and one I am trying to continue to grow in, and responding to former colleagues while standing in my truth with confidence is empowering. The posts are listed below, as usual. These posts generated great private conversations with both survivors and allies. I am very grateful. Thank you!
You are amazing. Have a beautiful day and a wonderful week.
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An old friend who used to edit a youth magazine for Focus On The Family left a comment on one of my Instagram posts about the Club Q shooter. Let’s call him Fred. I will parse it into this post's relevant subject matter (does not include his full comment) and respond to each section.
Randy, I pray you follow the truth. Even if it takes you to a place where you can't blame God, but have to blame a skewed sexual identity.
Fred, I did and am following the truth, and God is who led me out of the closet. You can follow that same truth, reality even, that a person of faith (or not) can be a happy, healthy whole LGBTQ+ individual. My days of scapegoating “being gay” as the root of all problems are over. Thank God, literally.
I am eternally grateful to the Divine, not blaming anything or anyone.
…It can be difficult to accept the truth. But in the end, it's best to accept the truth. Without truth, you are untethered.
Well… rude. I spent over 20+ years living the evangelical version of the “truth” concerning sexuality and gender. It almost killed me, it killed a friend, and it caused a lot of destruction for many, many others in myriad ways.
I am more grounded than I have ever been.
Now, Fred, you don’t know me better than I do. You are not my elder in the church or in life. No need to be condescending and make rude assumptions.
Randy, I'm 56 years old. You may not care, but I've prayed for you, Randy, more than I've prayed for any other human on earth. You have made me a better man, and so I've been compelled to share my words to the Lord more hours than for any other person.My simple prayer: That you're in right relationship with the Lord.
I am 54; why would I care or not care about your age? I think that’s an indication of your underlying feelings. Is it possible you see me as an adversary and come to this (and your other comments on Instagram) projecting that dynamic? I don’t see myself as your adversary. Just an old, possibly former, friend. Which isn’t a mean statement. It’s all ok. It’s been well over a decade since we worked together.
Back to the point…
I didn’t know I had that kind of impact on you. But what you got in the past was someone who was manifesting my voice and conclusions but full of self-loathing. I used my skills/talents for bad goals back then. If my impact was to make you believe in that toxic exgay ideology, even more, that does bring me sorrow and regret.
I apologize for that, and to your past readers, even if you do not see the need for my apology.
About the articles I wrote for your magazine, keep in mind that while the events in them were true, and my conclusions were honestly believed at the time, my context for them was wrong regarding any idea that sexuality and gender should conform to legalistic evangelical expectations.
If your prayers are honest and from the heart, keep them coming. I love honest prayers. I will take all the positive vibes I can get. If they are with a specific agenda, keep in mind that God already answered your prayers, just not in the way you hoped for.
Maybe God has brought me to you to impact you once again positively. Affirming LGBTQ+ people for who we are and who we love is ok.
I respect your heart. I love the Divine. I love who I am, my husband, our daughter, and what it means to be free as a gay man in congruence with his faith. If you want resource recommendations, feel free to comment below or send me an email or message.
Have a good day, Fred.
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Dear Friends,
I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving celebration and honored Native Americans on National Indigenous People Day yesterday.
Well, that was heart-breaking…
Last Sunday, I woke up with my phone showing messages that there had been yet another targeted attack against the LGBTQ+ community. A deranged person went and murdered five people and wounded 25 others at Club Q in Colorado Springs. I posted about it here, and my Instagram post spread far and wide. Unfortunately, there was some trolling from wildly different people on the post. I left some of it but ended up deleting a few comments.
And the private messages… oy. Let’s not go there.
I simply wanted to challenge the religious right to stop ignoring murderous hate against the LGBTQ+ community. I was glad to hear that Jim Daly did say something about the shooting. Now, if they could stop stigmatizing LGBTQ+ people with their speakers and resources… that would be even better. I know I used to work with (not for) them, so my hope was that some of my former friends would see the challenge and take it to heart.
Creative Writing
This week I also wrote two posts that were simply fun to write. The links to them are below. Most of my substack articles are serious, but I finally permitted myself to be fun. The fun moments were on my heart to write about, so I did. To my surprise, these posts were read just as much or more than the serious topics. That pleases me and is further evidence that creatives should follow their hearts. It makes for honest writing and sheds light on there is more to life than a singular arena of issues.
Memoir Update
I am so excited about a meeting Monday morning with the editing team. I feel like a kid at Christmas. I mean, the gift will be months and months of editing … well, on second thought… nope! Still a gift! I am excited and will give updates as I can. Thank you for your support. Seeing a project from the heart manifest into the world is fantastic.
As always, let’s have the courage to be ourselves together,
Recent Articles
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One of my favorite fiction authors, gave a writing prompt yesterday that I thought was hilarious and completely agree with! Turkeys are scary. I am glad turkeys get eaten; those bigger than you would expect creeps. Delicious creeps, but still creeps.
Let me explain…
This one time, I lived in rural Tennessee for about five months. It’s all I could handle concerning that town; at the time, you could put the whole town’s population into the Dallas Cowboys stadium four times. I was known about town as, “Oh yeah, that’s the queer that lives in Evelyn’s old house. He’s the only guy in town who puts AuckerNet in his hair!” But listen, don’t judge me. Aqua Net is all Walmart had on sale at the time.
Even in Shelbyville, one needs a little panache. I am sure it will catch on… It hasn’t in almost thirty years since, but I still have hope. OH, and Aqua Net is flammable. It’s the primary source of fire for the hillbilly flamethrower (don’t try it at home). I used to kill all the flies in the Stop-N-Go I worked at for a while. What else will you do at 3:30 AM while working in a Stop-n-go?
Back to the story…
I was driving down the two-lane toward Tullahoma, just north of where the sweet nectar of my people is made in Lynchburg (Jack Daniels). I was headed to a community college there for an Algebra Class. On my epic journey toward the torture known as college Algebra 1, I began to see the strangest road kill.
Chickens. One here, two there, drive a little further, one more over there, THREE in the middle of the road… I was like, WHAT the fresh kind of dead bird hell is this? Then a pterodactyl (also known as a wild turkey) came flying up off the side of the road at my car. They don’t fly, but that wingspan is the stuff of Marvel movies. It scared the snot out of me as I jerked my little blue-based red Ford Focus all over the road. Who knew creepy turkeys had wings that big? Not me. I am sure it was trying to get across the road but darted out at the wrong time. I didn’t hit it, but I nearly ran off the road, fearing that the pterodactyl would carry me to some enormous nest and eat my eyeballs first. I looked back in my rearview mirror to see this giant turkey bird traverse the blacktop. I swear it looked at me with the evil eyes of a Beelzebub. Its true nature was revealed. It was a Beelzeburkey beast!
Ok. Fine. I am overplaying that part, but it was weird, creepy even.
I kept driving, but the dead chicken count kept growing and growing. I finally caught up to a Tyson truck. They had a chicken “processing” plant near Evelyn’s house where the queer lived. The back gate door on this eighteen-wheeler full of chickens was swaying back and forth, open. The driver was unaware as these desperate chickens, on at least eight different levels of the aviary (cage), kept jumping out of the back of the truck. While playing dodgeball with live chickens hurtling at my car, I honked, honked, and finally, the truck driver started to pull over.
I did not pull over. Traumatized, I had to get to Algebra class with the fresh memories of watching dozens of chickens take a kamikaze approach to freedom and being attacked by a pterodactyl. I was cautious and aware of the not-dead Beelzeburkey “still out there” as I made my way home after barely passing another college Algebra 1 test.
So every Thanksgiving, I am reminded of that feathery nightmare. Thank you, creepy Beelzeburkeys of the world.
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“Dan!!!! Help me! I am being attacked by 70 Lbs and 9 Lbs, love bugs!” Dan poked his head out of the bathroom where he was doing his morning primping to see a pit bull (Queen Gigi the Grey) squirming like a puppy all over me while SLATHERING my face, neck, elbows, and back to the face with kisses. And to make matters even better, I had a chihuahua jumping up and down on my bladder.
Not the best thing to do to a fifty-something-old man when he is just waking up. Lol.
Both love bugs were vocalizing their love with whines, grunts, laid-back ears, and tails whipping back and forth. There was even a wet nose in my armpit at one point (eww, but cute). I just giggled, many giggles.
I embrace the giggling.
Dan smiled big and went back to primping. With a big smile, I got up to feed and give fresh water to the love bugs.
If you have to have an infestation, a love bug infestation is the best kind of infestation. It’s a wonderful way to wake up.
Have a beautiful day!
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I am 48 hours away from driving down to Miami to get on a big ‘ole boat (Virgin Voyages Valiant Lady) and go for an eight-night, nine-day cruise through the Eastern Caribbean. Dan and I will be celebrating our first anniversary (we married on 10/16/21) in style and having a lot of fun.
A lot of it.
In the past, in my single days, I stayed in my home or vacationed alone because of my false belief that I would be celibate for the rest of my life. Most of the time, it was just staying home, reading, painting, and going to New Smyrna Beach, but nothing out of the ordinary or that would cost money. The three times I remember going somewhere for my alone vacations were to London and renting a house in Naples, Florida, for two weeks after the Exodus national conference two years in a row. I stayed an extra three days in London after attending a conference there. Some friends were there simultaneously, but we weren’t there “together” even though we hung out a few times.
Growing up, I never went on vacations either, so until Dan came into my life, I didn’t know how to vacation. That sounds weird, but it’s true. I knew how to travel like a pro. I have seen many cities, countries, airports, taxis, and subways… but all were centered around working for Exodus and trying to keep up with Alan Chambers to catch our flights. He can walk faster, even in designer shoes, than most mopeds.
Dan has brought an inestimable amount of fun, love, and joy into my life. It goes beyond vacations, and we have made many good memories I never thought I would have. He is my husband. I am a better, more healthy, and more grounded man because of our being husbands. It’s nice that laughing, loving, and going on grand adventures come naturally to me. It just took too long to find out!
I am so glad God has brought us together.
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Now, we will go blaze a trail through the Eastern Caribbean, and I am so excited.
On a side note: Part of vacationing correctly is not to work or worry about working! I will post on social media throughout the trip, but regular posts/podcasts here will resume on Tuesday, 11/15. So come voyage vicariously through us to see photos and updates on social media.
Much love to you. Have a wonderful day and a beautiful two weeks!
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Oh, Stephen.
At the 4:58 mark in his weekly rant video last Friday, he states that former Exodus leaders (apparently, we are “darkened souls”) met with the SPLC and HRC back in 2015 and coined the “ruse” term to disparage what he does.
Ruse is a noun and means an action intended to deceive someone, a trick.
At least he got the year right (for our meeting), but that’s about it. There were quite a few former Exodus leaders there to talk with the SPLC and brainstorm ways to counter conversion therapy efforts. Unfortunately, not much resulted from the meeting except for some good friendships, which was well worth the effort. I loved visiting the SPLC anyway. They are such a courageous and legendary group. I toured Martin Luther King, Jr.’s home in Montgomery, Alabama. That was a definite highlight of my trip there.
Do you know who wasn’t there? Anyone having to do with the HRC. Have no clue why his conspiracy has to have more than two villains, but that’s a lie based on willful ignorance. I was volunteering for them locally, but that was nothing to do with that meeting.
Do you know what else didn’t happen there? We didn’t come up with the term “conversion therapy.” Nope. By that point, conversion therapy had already been a part of the cultural lexicon for years. It was said a lot but not “invented” at that meeting.
Plus, there’s nothing “ruse” about those two words put together to describe what he does. The truth is conversion therapy was coined during the process of a successful civil lawsuit against JONAH (Jews Offering New Alternatives for Healing).
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The New York Times reports in 2012 ← see that in 2012, it was already in the culture. We hadn’t even shut down Exodus yet.
Gay “conversion therapy,” which claims to help men overcome unwanted same-sex attractions but has been widely attacked as unscientific and harmful, is facing its first tests in the courtroom.
In New Jersey on Tuesday, four gay men who tried the therapy filed a civil suit against a prominent counseling group, charging it with deceptive practices under the state’s Consumer Fraud Act.
The former clients said they were emotionally scarred by false promises of inner transformation and humiliating techniques that included stripping naked in front of the counselor and beating effigies of their mothers. They paid thousands of dollars in fees over time, they said, only to be told that the lack of change in their sexual feelings was their own fault.
The men who sued JONAH ultimately prevailed, and “conversion therapy” quickly jumped from a straightforward legal definition to the culture at large lexicon. It did so because there is nothing abstract about the terms. Instead, they are clear-cut and irrefutable. Here are the simple-to-understand definitions of those two words:
Conversion is a noun and has two meanings listed.
“the process of changing or causing something to change from one form to another.” and “the fact of changing one's religion or beliefs or the action of persuading someone else to change theirs.”
Therapy is another noun and has two meanings listed as well.
“treatment intended to relieve or heal a disorder.” and “the treatment of mental or psychological disorders by psychological means.”
The very basis of Christianity is to convert souls from dark to light, to convert the sinner into a saint, and convert worldly behaviors into godly maturity. They want to convert carnal ways of thinking about sex to agreeing with what they believe is “God’s creative intent” for what they consider biblical sexuality.
Exgay efforts seem a textbook example of what “conversion” means in this context.
Now therapy can mean licensed professional counselors (usually Christian) seeking to heal someone’s “broken” sexuality. However, therapy isn’t limited to the professional counselor’s office. Therapy aims to heal something considered abnormal or disordered and doesn’t have to be licensed by the state. Ever heard of aroma therapy? Massage therapy? Physical therapy? Light therapy? … shopping therapy :)?
Exgay groups consider being LGBTQ+ as outside God’s intent for the natural order. In other words, a disorder. Many of them blatantly call it a disorder. These groups exist to have group meetings, retreats, and programs, create resources, and conferences to “relieve or heal” homosexuality or gender identity issues they errantly call sin and brokenness.
Exgay ministry is a clear example of conversion therapy with a pastoral approach. In other words, it is the pastoral counseling version of conversion therapy.
It’s baffling that exgay groups hate being called that. To me, it’s such a generic description and not deceiving. But Stephen’s terminal uniqueness and unwillingness to get past his bad faith arguments and cynicism indicate the bigotry he will not let be challenged in his mind. And to some extent, that is true of all exgay groups. A complete unwillingness to be challenged or truly held accountable. Always quick to jump on the false persecution bandwagon. I know; I was a leader in that world. Sometimes it is hard to fathom. I used to believe like that and defend those stigmatizing beliefs without objectivity and only with shallow talking points.
Stephen, just because you don’t like being accurately described with commonly accepted definitions doesn’t make it false or a “ruse.”
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For personal reasons, I wouldn’t say I liked the word even when I came out in 2015, but now I understand how its meaning has evolved. As a result, I completely support the people who identify as queer personally and as an integral part of the LGBTQ+ community. Thank you for Listening.
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Hello Friends!
Simplifying Artwork
As you can already see, I am simplifying the artwork for this page. After some sage advice from friends, I thought it might be good to simplify the logo and artwork for this publication and its various manifestations. I wanted to simplify it, but the art is still pretty busy. Given that my artistic bent is very busy, I am not sure I will ever be able to get to minimalist logos on my own. So, hopefully, this will still get the job done and still be pretty.
BTW, I love feedback like that. I learned that editing, while humbling, is always a good thing when coming from good people.
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About Last Week’s Posts
Wow. My posts about reclaiming my power in the locker room and Jeffrey McCall’s grift hit a nerve. So many folks read them (listed below), and the feedback was phenomenal. Thank you for reading and sending your encouragement and comments on social media. If you would like to suggest topics, don’t hesitate. Everything is fair game.
Memoir Update
We have a meeting next Wednesday to discuss the next steps in content editing and develop a plan to promote the book online. I am very excited!
Excuse Me; I Have a Massive Amount of Nothing But Fun To Do
My husband Dan and I are going on a long eight-night, nine days luxury cruise with Virgin Voyages. We are headed to the Eastern Caribbean Antilles Next Saturday. Puerta Plata, San Juan, St. Croix, and Bimini… I cannot wait. We are going to celebrate our first anniversary.
Do you know how much work and writing I plan on doing? That’s right … none! I might post something to my substack during that time, but no guarantees. We will be gone from November 5th through November 13th. So the next Weekend update will be 11/19. I will post articles like usual this upcoming week and again after the 13th.
As always, have a beautiful day and a wonderful week!
Last Week’s Articles
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I am twenty-five pounds lighter than last Christmas! This makes me very happy even though I have a bit more to lose. I can’t say I am super strict, but I have improved my food and exercised more.
One thing that dawned on me recently is that I am no longer afraid of the locker room.
If that sounds odd, it should.
One of the things I had to be “accountable” for in my exgay days was when I would go to the gym. I was not allowed to stare at, lust after, or look at other men and their… you know… attributes. As a result, I hated going to the gym locker room because I always noticed the men and their impressive “features.” Then that would be followed up with a humiliating confession to my accountability partners.
More often than not, I changed clothes in my car or at work in the restroom before going to the gym and went home in the same sweaty mess. Sometimes I would have to change in the locker room, but I did so as quickly as possible, far away from the others, and yet I always noticed someone’s swinging richard (that’s code for you know what).
This may also sound weird, and it should; I had deep anxiety about going into a locker room. I once visited a gym (same chain) in a different state. They had a tiny locker room, and I nearly had a panic attack. I almost ran out of the place.
That’s the power of taboo. To stigmatize something so normal and common only makes it more intriguing and alluring, especially when it is an innate drive that shouldn’t be divorced from everyday life.
Now that gym locker rooms aren’t taboo in my world, guess how many swinging richards I notice? Unless I am in a hurry, I notice almost all of them! :::laugh::: I am a gay man, for crying out loud. But guess what? I don’t lust after, obsess, or compare because I am confident in myself to the point that it does not affect me most of the time. And if it did, so? I can steward my sex life with my husband quite contentedly. We can appreciate God’s beauty in other men; it is fun and not evil.
In a nutshell, the locker room and many other things in life are no longer taboo. Therefore revealing the assumed temptation to sin is just silly. Now that the locker room isn’t a den of potential iniquity, I see it for what it is; an environment that could always use a little more cleaning and a place that provides a convenient way to change clothes or shower if needed.
Nothing nefarious… unless you are on certain websites… so I’ve heard ;)
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Exgay ideology abuses assumed power in this dynamic instead of simply appreciating this is a normal part of gym life. To create fear in someone over a god-given drive and appreciation creates unhealthy behavioral responses and unnecessary inner turmoil.
So, if you identify as exgay and are reading this article, go change your clothes, you sweaty mess. If you notice someone in the locker room, it’s not a sin. You will be fine.
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I have said many times that a vast majority of people in exgay/conversion therapy leadership, including myself at the time, were not in it for the money, which is true. It is an important underlying factor that did affect decisions, but we were true believers and honestly believed our jobs were the “calling of God.”
Ugh. What a waste.
That doesn’t mean there weren’t people solely in it for the money, clout, or even infamy. Michael Johnston was one of those folks. The last time I saw him in person, he admitted as such but claimed he got “truly saved” after fleeing Virginia because he was living a double life and having unprotected group sex (he is HIV+).
Since the release of Pray Away last year, I have checked in on Jeffrey McCall’s social media, maybe once or twice a week. He was the story representing current exgay leadership in the film. Since we are both in the film and both have roots in Shelbyville, Tennessee, I was curious to keep an eye on him.
To synopsize what I have learned from my sporadic online lurking, you don’t hear from him unless he is humble-bragging or asking for money. Jeffrey likes to take pictures of strangers in public and claims God told him to share his story with them. Then a day or two afterward, he will post asking for money and leave comments updating “total raised…”. He does that all the time, and it is pretty blatant money-grabbing with no apparent accountability. People donate to his “ministry” but look suspiciously like personal Paypal accounts. He will sometimes, not lately, state he is trying to raise money for “a single mom trying to feed her kids” or something like that, but his followers are directed to donate to his Paypal, and he will forward it to the mother.
I call shenanigans!
I hope it is true that he helped her and her kids, but it sure doesn’t pass the smell test (not above reproach as Christian “leaders” are supposed to conduct themselves).
One of the reasons I do not trust he is raising money to do ministry is that one of the compelling reasons he gives from time to time for raising funds is that God directed him to stop being a history professor to do ministry full time. The problem is, that’s a lie. Kathy Baldock called the school he was allegedly a professor and found that he was, at most, a TA (teacher’s assistant) to a professor.
Also, conveniently a few weeks after his DC Freedom March in the summer of 2021, he confessed to having sex with multiple men the year before. I say conveniently because of the timing. He could have confessed much sooner, but I am sure he didn’t because he didn’t want it to affect that Freedom March. ← Either I am spot on with that, or I have seen way too many contrived “confessions” while in that world.
I mean no ill-will to Jeffrey. Since our families have roots in the same small town of Shelbyville, Tennessee, we are probably cousins of some sort. That said, his grift will catch up to him as people catch on and stop buying into (literally) his lies, and his real-world activities continue to be exposed.
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Jeffrey needs to quit lying to himself and embellishing his history to stop lying to and hurting others.
In case he sees this, Jeffrey, come out. Go back to school to get whatever you need to be the professor of history you genuinely want to be. You don’t have to do this. God is bigger and more glorious than the fear-based box your world forces Him into.
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The short answer is, run! But, reality tends to be more complicated. I hope you find this video helpful or at least encouraging. You can be free; you will be free.
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PrideHappens, Still learning the Substack thingy, and nailing down a posting schedule.
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On RuPaul’s drag race, the final contestants for the season finale stand in front of Momma Ru and asked a question while she holds up a photo of them as kids, “What would you say to (insert age)-year-old you?” When they answer, it gets me every single time. Their pain, joy, innocence, hardship, and eventual success are inspiring. To know that kid in the photo went through some hell is difficult to imagine. But seeing their success and resilience as adults is encouraging.
I have, up until starting to write my memoir, always stayed as far away from that exercise as I possibly can.
The above photo is my Senior High School photo, taken 37 years ago in 1986. I was 17 at the time. By that time, I was being physically and/or emotionally abused daily. I totaled a car (rolling/flipping it three times), lived through many other traumas and hardships, plus sneaking into gay bars (fake ID), and dating being sexually assaulted by a 36-year-old. My naive, traumatized brain thought I was in love. But nowadays, we know what was happening, and the 36-year-old was a statutory rapist; our last night we spent together, I tried to stop him, but he wouldn’t. My learned helplessness kicked in, and it was horrific. I couldn’t admit this to myself until I acknowledged how it affected my sex life (deep down, FEAR and dread of sex) after coming out—still trying to process that.
Young Randy in the photo above would be thrown out of the house in February of the following year for being gay. I would be homeless and transient for the next two. I would abuse too many substances and make bad decisions at the bars at every chance I got. I would also have sex with men to get drugs or a bed to sleep in if they let me stay.
I would eventually try to numb the nightmare with religion and get caught up in the “exgay” world. I went from being a traumatized gay teen to a traumatized religious zealot. I was in the stained-glass closet but flying first class on Delta. I went from eating throw away food at a convenience store I worked at, to lobbying face-to-face with Senators, Congressional Reps, and the White House. I was part of “secret” religious-right meetings in DC, speaking all over North America and Great Britain. I would go from not knowing how to balance a checkbook and living out of my car to being the Vice President of a non-profit overseeing a staff of twenty-four (paid and volunteer) people.
Until coming out in 2015, my whole life was lived, experiencing a myriad of hate-filled efforts to try to divorce me from who I truly am… including myself. Along with my abusers, I became my worst enemy by accepting The Gospel According to Conversion Therapy. It became so engrained, I started promoting that toxic ideology to others, and becoming a pariah to the LGBTQ+ community.
At 45, I would suggest, support, and help close down that organization because of tragedy opening my eyes (among many other factors) to the truth it was all a sham. I think anyone who has lost someone they love to mental illness (suicide) will relate to the dynamic that causes within to do a gut-wrenching deep soul reckoning. The loved one’s death challenges everything you believe in. Eventually, as a result, I came out of the stained-glass closet at age forty-seven, thirty years after that first photo above.
Now, instead of being in a constant state of fear, anxiety, and self-loathing. I am at peace and deeply in love with my husband, daughter, furkids, family, and chosen family. I am surrounded by the best friends a man can have.
So, I would say to 17-year-old me, don’t let other people’s hate and your own existential fear lead and define you. However, trust that inner “knowing” and be true to your passions. You will be tempted to get the attention and admiration you are desperate for in the wrong places. Don’t be fooled by praise for a version of you that, at your core, you know is inauthentic. You have a good, passionate heart. When you find your voice, don’t let it read someone else’s script or sing someone else’s song. And once you come out, stay out. Your love for the Divine will be stronger outside the church closet. The nightmares you experience will fade, and eventually, your dreams of love and family will come true: to know and be known for your true self; you will love and be loved. So don’t let your fear of the future define your present.
You can trust in unconditional love. It does exist even though you have yet to experience it.
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Today I have the honor of sharing the incredible story of Momma Ashley Rose with you. I have no doubt you will be encouraged, inspired, and have a good time. Enjoy!
Voiceover: Ben Patrick Johnson
Graphics: Intro, Outro made with Canva Pro
Guest: Momma Ashley Rose (published with permission).
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Inaugural episode! I share about the purpose of the podcast and my coming out story. I also share about a book that literally lifted a life of burden off my shoulders.
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