Friend Crush with Amber Akilla: Recent Episodes
Amber Akilla
Welcome to Friend Crush with Amber Akilla ~ I'm a Chinese Australian DJ/creative consultant/writer/millennial in crisis and this is a space where I'll discuss self discovery, dating, pop culture, current affairs and memes with my friends, with myself and with you!
i got asked about imposter syndrome recently, there's definitely some overlap with comparing yourself to others (see previous video) but i made this video as an add on/extension. let me know your thoughts as always please!!
my skin looks so bad here but i was too lazy to put a filter on so i'm keeping it 99 !!!xx
02:30 - everyone is a newbie at some point
03:28 - confidence revised
04:10 - life is a project, performance art!
05:09 - confident people won’t judge you or put you down
05:36 - lock in on your purpose
07:10 - don’t always assume competition
08:04 - understanding your projections
08:21 - make friends, connect over common experience
09:09 - recognize the unpredictability of each person’s journey
09:40 - healthy competition
09:59 - embrace your uniqueness
10:16 - what your know vs who you know
10:50 - understanding nepotism
11:55 - build your own thing instead of feeling like you need to be allowed into someone else’s project
13:28 - redefine success
14:40 - diversify your focus and interests
15:19 - legally blonde - elle woods is an icon!
18:10 - redefine purpose
follow me on IG ☆
https://instagram.com/amberakilla/
dead or alive summer 2025 playlist !!!
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1lezLPXhmrrrs1wD4GzDnI?si=108bae9312df4374
slay habit trackers ☆ free download
https://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/hot-girl-slay-habits-e-bundle
subscribe for full episodes, exclusive episodes & perks! ♡
patreon.com/amberakilla
https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/friend-crush/subscribe
https://instagram.com/friend.crush/
https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakilla
https://www.youtube.com/@amberakilla
https://twitter.com/amberakilla
https://soundcloud.com/amberakilla
https://open.spotify.com/user/amberakilla
talking through the mental blocks that can occur when we get stuck on comparing ourselves to others in a way that hinders our ability to be HOT and HAVE FUN !!!
03:33 - radical acceptance
05:11 - practicing gratitude
07:07 - set intentions
07:52 - lean into irony when being serious feels like a joke
08:37 - abundance vs delusion
09:45 - your mindset affects your decision making
11:00 - awareness + intentional action
11:28 - practice connecting with your experience of life
11:41 - you will face challenges no matter what
13:10 - rejection is protection and redirection
14:14 - nobody knows what they’re doing
15:58 - other people’s success are evidence of what is possible
18:03 - be honest with yourself about the lengths you will go
18:25 - your own story unfolds through action, not comparison
19:27 - additional thoughts
20:22 - there's more than just what you think or have been told is 'success'
21:00 - understanding your validation needs
22:28 - how my idea of success as a DJ has changed over time
follow me on IG ☆
https://instagram.com/amberakilla/
dead or alive summer 2025 playlist !!!
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1lezLPXhmrrrs1wD4GzDnI?si=108bae9312df4374
slay habit trackers ☆ free download
https://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/hot-girl-slay-habits-e-bundle
subscribe for full episodes, exclusive episodes & perks! ♡
patreon.com/amberakilla
https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/friend-crush/subscribe
https://instagram.com/friend.crush/
https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakilla
https://www.youtube.com/@amberakilla
https://twitter.com/amberakilla
https://soundcloud.com/amberakilla
https://open.spotify.com/user/amberakilla
that overwhelming "wtf" feeling
01:54 - context can differ, dyanmic/feelings are usually consistent
02:45 - its better to do something, rather than nothing
03:12 - don’t let perfect be the enemy of good
04:06 - learn to be a beginner
05:23 - what i learnt during the panini (external changes)
06:43 - noticing the negative thought pattern: “when x happens, then i can be happy”
06:48 - lean into how you feel - anything repressed/suppressed will start to infect your life
07:31 - getting sick of yourself
07:37 - what would your younger self/future self think
08:43 - follow your curiosity
11:06 - there is so much you can’t control/ certainty is an illusion
11:38 - 20% of the work for 80% of the outcomes
12:03 - saying yes to random opportunties
13:37 - find something to anchor you and organize your time around
14:37 - you can’t always predict how things will unfold
15:08 - internal transition phases
15:27 - trying is better than nothing
17:03 - the outcome and structure forms as you go
17:10 - it doesn’t have to be related - focus on enjoying
17:48 - do it because you want to - not because of what you think other people will think
18:14 - what other people think is a collateral benefit
18:35 - you can do something you enjoy and it still be difficult
19:00 - things will be hard regardless
20:24 - don’t wait for the world to change or give you permission
21:16 - the value of small steps over complete overhauls
21:46 - focus on being present
22:14 - you can’t think your way into the present moment
22:30 - cutting down on social media
25:14 - you never know what’s going to happen!!!
follow me on IG ☆
https://instagram.com/amberakilla/
dead or alive summer 2025 playlist !!!
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1lezLPXhmrrrs1wD4GzDnI?si=108bae9312df4374
slay habit trackers ☆ free download
https://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/hot-girl-slay-habits-e-bundle
subscribe for full episodes, exclusive episodes & perks! ♡
patreon.com/amberakilla
https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/friend-crush/subscribe
https://instagram.com/friend.crush/
https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakilla
https://www.youtube.com/@amberakilla
https://twitter.com/amberakilla
https://soundcloud.com/amberakilla
https://open.spotify.com/user/amberakilla
a short video with a gentle reminder that your mental/spiritual/emotional growth doesn't have to look a certain way in order to be valid. maybe your physical and mental glow up happens at the same time and it will be more effective when you are intentional about integrating the range of skills and experiences required - many of which i discuss in previous video and podcast content.
please share your thoughts and experiences in the comments!!!
love ya xx
follow me on IG ☆
https://instagram.com/amberakilla/
dead or alive summer 2025 playlist !!!
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1lezLPXhmrrrs1wD4GzDnI?si=108bae9312df4374
slay habit trackers ☆ free download
https://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/hot-girl-slay-habits-e-bundle
subscribe for full episodes, exclusive episodes & perks! ♡
patreon.com/amberakilla
https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/friend-crush/subscribe
https://instagram.com/friend.crush/
https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakilla
https://www.youtube.com/@amberakilla
https://twitter.com/amberakilla
https://soundcloud.com/amberakilla
https://open.spotify.com/user/amberakilla
don't let the haters stop you from doing ur thang
follow me on IG ☆
https://instagram.com/amberakilla/
dead or alive summer 2025 playlist !!!
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1lezLPXhmrrrs1wD4GzDnI?si=108bae9312df4374
slay habit trackers ☆ free download
https://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/hot-girl-slay-habits-e-bundle
subscribe for full episodes, exclusive episodes & perks! ♡
patreon.com/amberakilla
https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/friend-crush/subscribe
https://instagram.com/friend.crush/
https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakilla
https://www.youtube.com/@amberakilla
https://twitter.com/amberakilla
https://soundcloud.com/amberakilla
https://open.spotify.com/user/amberakilla
when being the bigger person is overrated
if you wish me bad, i wish you _____ !!!!
01:53 - 04:25 - 1. define love, acknowledge your efforts
04:25 - 05:21 - 2. what fantasy or potential did you become attached to
05:22 - 05:52 - 3. withdraw your effort
05:53 - 09:07 - 4. redirect, transmute & alchemize your energy
09:08 - 11:30 - 5. neutrality over positivity (for now)
11:31 - 14:36 - 6. be prepared & train for awkward moments
14:37 - 15:57 - 7. don’t assume you know how someone is coping, focus on yourself
15:58 - 16:35 - 8. everyone’s karma is their personality
16:36 - 17:25 - 9. have a constructive & generative mindset not a destructive one
17:26 - 18:58 - 10. being protective during initial healing
18:59 -20:54 - 11. wish them nothing
20:56 - 22:40 - 12. everything is changing all the time, transformation takes consistent effort over time
follow me on IG ☆
https://instagram.com/amberakilla/
slay habit trackers ☆ free download
https://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/hot-girl-slay-habits-e-bundle
subscribe for full episodes, exclusive episodes & perks! ♡
patreon.com/amberakilla
https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/friend-crush/subscribe
https://instagram.com/friend.crush/
https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakilla
https://www.youtube.com/@amberakilla
https://twitter.com/amberakilla
https://soundcloud.com/amberakilla
https://open.spotify.com/user/amberakilla
slay habit trackers ☆ free download
https://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/hot-girl-slay-habits-e-bundle
subscribe for full episodes, exclusive episodes & perks! ♡
patreon.com/amberakilla
https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/friend-crush/subscribe
follow me ☆
https://instagram.com/amberakilla/
https://instagram.com/friend.crush/
https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakilla
https://www.youtube.com/@amberakilla
https://twitter.com/amberakilla
https://soundcloud.com/amberakilla
https://open.spotify.com/user/amberakilla
watch this if you're looking to start or still skeptical about journalling !!!
4:36 the artist’s way, being consistent
5:45 free printables & habit trackers
5:54 the six pillars of self esteem
6:42 create a judgement free space for your thoughts
7:38 you don’t have to revisit or re-read
8:34 normalize crashing out in private
10:02 allow for new thoughts
11:25 positive scripting
12:05 re-affirm whats important to you
12:50 prepare for things to change
13:47 prepare for new challenges
14:59 being intentional with time & energy
16:22 tools required
slay habit trackers ☆ free download
https://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/hot-girl-slay-habits-e-bundle
subscribe for full episodes, exclusive episodes & perks! ♡
patreon.com/amberakilla
https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/friend-crush/subscribe
follow me ☆
https://instagram.com/amberakilla/
https://instagram.com/friend.crush/
https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakilla
https://www.youtube.com/@amberakilla
https://twitter.com/amberakilla
https://soundcloud.com/amberakilla
https://open.spotify.com/user/amberakilla
girl, you might be a VICTIM??!!!
referenced video on female bullyinghttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DL5qDFDttps
4:46 indirect, passive agression
5:45 group size
6:20 incompatibility
6:54 social isolation & the grey zone
7:12 jealousy & envy
7:32 aggression inhibitors
8:13 being hot is a threat
11:15 prevention
11:35 avoid emotional reactions
12:03 employ humour/wit
12:35 insecurity/second chances
12:53 get social skills/new friends
14:15 be true to your core values
16:05 learn to be alone
16:57 clock those one sided relationships
18:54 gatekeep vulnerability
20:32 don’t question fate
22:36 allow time to pass & the tea to spill
subscribe for full episodes, exclusive episodes & perks! ♡
patreon.com/amberakilla
https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/friend-crush/subscribe
slay habit trackers ☆ free download
https://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/hot-girl-slay-habits-e-bundle
follow me ☆
https://instagram.com/amberakilla/
https://instagram.com/friend.crush/
https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakilla
https://www.youtube.com/@amberakilla
https://twitter.com/amberakilla
https://soundcloud.com/amberakilla
https://open.spotify.com/user/amberakilla
hope this helps!!! let me know :P
- chronically online behviour
- nobody cares that much
- embrace the discomfort & cringe
- baby steps & experimental approach
- create your own metric system
- people that have reconciled with their cringe, won’t judge you
- what is your value add
- be real with yourself
- radical acceptance
- embrace evolution
subscribe for full episodes, exclusive episodes & perks! ♡
patreon.com/amberakilla
https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/friend-crush/subscribe
follow me ☆
https://instagram.com/amberakilla/
https://instagram.com/friend.crush/
https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakilla
https://www.youtube.com/@amberakilla
https://twitter.com/amberakilla
https://soundcloud.com/amberakilla
https://open.spotify.com/user/amberakilla
some additional thoughts on how to adjust your mindset to make new friends. share your thoughts and experiences with me in the comments!!!
referenced videos:
30 & feeling lonely and disconnected:https://youtu.be/d31wkPGXUd0
do what you enjoy:
https://youtu.be/M_7URMkKPR8
hot girl habits:
https://youtu.be/DszRCbx0_AE
subscribe for full episodes, exclusive episodes & perks! ♡
patreon.com/amberakilla
https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/friend-crush/subscribe
follow me ☆
https://instagram.com/amberakilla/
https://instagram.com/friend.crush/
https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakilla
https://www.youtube.com/@amberakilla
https://twitter.com/amberakilla
https://soundcloud.com/amberakilla
https://open.spotify.com/user/amberakilla
i feel like i haven't done a proper podcast episode in ages but its also not the longest break i've taken... abridged life update incoming ..! i made it to naoshima island, visited perth for the longest period since moving back to shanghai in 2022 and been reflecting on my 20s now that i'm in my 30s. thank you so so much to anyone that has supported me through all the different content creation phases i have been through in the last few years... truly unhinged and recently i have been reflecting a lot on how much this process has impacted me (for the better) - which i don't discuss in detail here but will in the future!!! LOVE YOU LOTS AND SPEAK SOON !!!! xoxox
subscribe for exclusive podcast episodes ♡
free trial available on patreon~ join the group chat!
https://patreon.com/amberakilla
https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/friend-crush/subscribe
follow me ☆
https://instagram.com/amberakilla/
https://instagram.com/friend.crush/
https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakilla
https://www.youtube.com/@amberakilla
https://twitter.com/amberakilla
https://soundcloud.com/amberakilla
https://open.spotify.com/user/amberakilla
https://www.xiaohongshu.com/user/profile/amberakilla
yesstyle code
AMBER39
what does it really take to be a “baddie”? to me, being a baddie is more than just an aesthetic, its an attitude, and one that you have to define for yourself and EXECUTE!!!!!!
- baddie defined
- personalise your approach
- success is not the absence of failure
- example
- process your emotions
- two approaches
- sense of humour
-
grey-rock
-
baddie in training
- be prepared to walk away
- define your bottom line
10.allow yourself to evolve
subscribe for exclusive podcast episodes ♡
free trial available on patreon~ join the group chat!
https://patreon.com/amberakilla
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follow me ☆
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https://www.xiaohongshu.com/user/profile/amberakilla
yesstyle code
AMBER39
don't forget to slay!!!
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follow me ☆
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yesstyle code
AMBER39
let's start speaking to the manager within!!!
- self-confrontation
- self-responsibility
- meeting other people's needs at the expense of your own
- maybe YOU need to validate you
- they aint reading all that
- make note of your blind spots
- the urge to purge is the means, NOT sending the essay text is the end
- process your anger
- true compatibility feels like peace, not war
subscribe for exclusive podcast episodes ♡
https://patreon.com/amberakilla
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follow me ☆
https://instagram.com/amberakilla/
https://instagram.com/friend.crush/
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sometimes you wanting the best for yourself and others, triggers the worst in people you actually care about........... SURPRISE!!!! it definitely surprised me...
-
any relationship context
-
nothing can prepare you
-
keep slaying
-
focus on the incompatibility rather than assigning blame
-
not everyone wants to slay
-
beware of selfish ass hoes
-
their behaviour is a projection
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internal focus vs external focus, growth vs scarcity mindset
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accept that you can't change them
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don't minimise your truth for other people
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sometimes your bestie is your #1 hater
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some people are delusional to the point of detriment
-
slay requires sacrifice
-
nostalgia contributes no value to your future
-
sometimes its just your threatening aura
-
your new life will cost you your old one
-
reflect and revise
-
stay vigilant
subscribe for exclusive podcast episodes ♡https://patreon.com/amberakillahttps://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/friend-crush/subscribefollow me ☆https://instagram.com/amberakilla/https://instagram.com/friend.crush/https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakillahttps://www.youtube.com/@amberakillahttps://twitter.com/amberakillahttps://soundcloud.com/amberakillahttps://open.spotify.com/user/amberakilla
slive slaugh slove slearn and slay !let me know your thoughts, feelings and lessons on friendship in the comments!!1. better to have no friends than bad friends2. define your inner and outer circle3. drifting isn’t a bad thing4. your friends are not your therapist, you are not your friends’ therapist5. your friends are your cheerleaders6. you can’t save other people from their bad decisions7. shared values over shared interests8. you don’t have to be friends with everyone9. be wary of those you connect with in a flop era10. how somone treats you is how they treat everyone11. are you taking about them more than you talk TO them?12. if its broken let it break13. slay together, don’t suffer togethersubscribe to friend crush with amber akilla! ♡https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/friend-crush/subscribefollow me ☆https://instagram.com/amberakilla/https://instagram.com/friend.crush/https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakillahttps://www.youtube.com/@amberakillahttps://twitter.com/amberakillahttps://soundcloud.com/amberakillahttps://open.spotify.com/user/amberakilla
2025 only hit me up about the situationships you've ended, not the situationships you're in please & thank you xoxo1. situationship defined2. committment from a man is not a prize3. you’re putting the vibes in jeopardy4. this is incompatibility not a challenge5. compatibility is not this hard6. take yourself seriously7. your trauma response is not your fault, but it is your responsibility8. he has no motivation to change, your pain is your motivation9. self-respect starts from within10. you’re being anti-feminist against yourself11. show yourself what committment is12. you can’t put a relationship on your resume13. it only gets worse, so get out14. knowing early is a blessing15. radically accept your delusion16. create boundaires, get a hobby, cut contact17. get real with yourself18. do it for your fellow woman19. you lack congruence between what you want and how you actsubscribe to my podcast! ♡https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/friend-crush/subscribefollow me ☆https://instagram.com/amberakilla/https://instagram.com/friend.crush/https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakillahttps://www.youtube.com/@amberakillahttps://twitter.com/amberakillahttps://soundcloud.com/amberakillahttps://open.spotify.com/user/amberakilla
some thoughts and suggestions on habits that worked for me in my darkest most flop hour... lay the foundation for your next slay, today!!!!!!downloadable / printable trackers here: https://www.friendcrush.club/shop/p/hot-girl-slay-habits-e-bundle1. 1% rule2. visualise your brain garden3. habit replacement4. gaslight into a slay5. give yourself a treat6. rewrite your inner narrative7. habit tracking8. vision boarding9. avoid skipping more than one day in a row10. set a review date11. habit stackingsubscribe to friend crush with amber akilla! ♡https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/friend-crush/subscribefollow me ☆https://instagram.com/amberakilla/https://instagram.com/friend.crush/https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakillahttps://www.youtube.com/@amberakillahttps://twitter.com/amberakillahttps://soundcloud.com/amberakillahttps://open.spotify.com/user/amberakilla
a list of practices and considerations i have used for digital distancing and to manage a healthier relationship with the internet and social media. its really use or be used, so make sure you set boundaries and protect your peace!!!subscribe to friend crush with amber akilla! ♡https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/friend-crush/subscribefollow me ☆https://instagram.com/amberakilla/https://instagram.com/friend.crush/https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakillahttps://www.youtube.com/@amberakillahttps://twitter.com/amberakillahttps://soundcloud.com/amberakillahttps://open.spotify.com/user/amberakilla
part two of my 30 things i realised before 30!!!let me know what you thought of this video and if you have any specific topic requests~~subscribe to friend crush with amber akilla ☆ https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/friend-crush/subscribefollow me ☆https://instagram.com/amberakilla/https://instagram.com/friend.crush/https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakillahttps://www.youtube.com/@amberakillahttps://twitter.com/amberakillahttps://soundcloud.com/amberakillahttps://open.spotify.com/user/amberakillanotes:16. you’ll rarely regret sitting on a purchase, but you’ll probably regret impulse buying17. when in doubt, always play the long game - conflict18. actions speak louder than words - make sure you have congruence between your own words and actions so you can vett other people19. being single and learning to be ok alone is better than being in a shitty relationship 20. you are the sum of the people you surround yourself with - choose carefully - don't care what people think of you in the pursuit of what you love, but don't let your reputation precede you.21. getting paid more doesnt mean the job itself is more intersting or fulfilling - make sure the extra money you make is spent on things/experiences/people you care about22. just because you’ve finished formal education, doesn't mean the learning has stopped - its just begun!23. the only way out is through - discomfort in growth and discipline are required - you cant buy your way into discipline or a better life24. health is wealth - push yourself but know where the line is25. familiarise yourself with rejection and failure - its not the absence of these things, its the ability to manage26. how you think and speak to or about yourself is louder than what anyone else says to you27. building anything on your own is going to take much longer than just attaching yourself to what already exists but its worth it28. consult multiple sources don't take advice from anyone you don't consider aspirational, inspirational 29. GATEKEEP your time, energy and body30. be hot & have fun
sliving my slife ☆ subscribe to friend crush with amber akilla ♡https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/friend-crush/subscribefollow me ☆https://instagram.com/amberakilla/https://instagram.com/friend.crush/https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakillahttps://www.youtube.com/@amberakillahttps://twitter.com/amberakillahttps://soundcloud.com/amberakillahttps://open.spotify.com/user/amberakilla1. an authentic life is better than a conventional one2. embrace your curiosity and your interests3. the four agreements4. learn about psychology before getting into political debates5. learn to emotionally regulate6. embrace the light and dark - after every flop comes a slay7. disagreement is ok, dismissal is not8. other people’s problem with you, is not your problem9. your new life will cost you your old one10. nothing is as certain as it seems - leave room for the unexpected11. talent is worthless without discipline12. beauty is worthless without brains13. empathy is worthless without boundaries14. when people tell you who they are, believe them or at least make a note15. connection/chemistry cannot trump compatibility and communication
hope this helps ^_^1. you are bored 1.1 get a life 1.2 find purpose 1.3 80/20 rule 1.4 exercise free will 1.5 get a hobby 1.6 enjoy your life2. you are a hater 2.1 judgement others & yourself 2.2 work with what you got 2.3 managing insecurity 2.3.1 journalling 2.3.2 personal jokes 2.3.3 #BEREAL 2.4 encourage others 2.5 redefine success 2.6 limit exposure to negativitybonus: people pleasingfinale: we’re all gonna diesubscribe to friend crush for exclusive episodes & perks! ♡https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/friend-crush/subscribefollow me ☆https://instagram.com/amberakilla/https://instagram.com/friend.crush/https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakillahttps://www.youtube.com/@amberakillahttps://twitter.com/amberakillahttps://soundcloud.com/amberakillahttps://open.spotify.com/user/amberakilla
guys my video didnt record, please forgive me. we will do better next time :~)anyways lets talk about the importance of doing what you enjoy for self empowerment and understanding. building awareness around how we feel and what we think in order to be hot and have fun yay!!subscribe to my podcast for exclusive episodes & perks! ♡https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/friend-crush/subscribefollow me ☆https://instagram.com/amberakilla/https://instagram.com/friend.crush/https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakillahttps://www.youtube.com/@amberakillahttps://twitter.com/amberakillahttps://soundcloud.com/amberakillahttps://open.spotify.com/user/amberakilla
recent thoughts on closure and the illusion that an another person can give it to you. how can we think about overwhelming emotional experiences and 'closure' in a way that allows us to move forward in healthy and productive ways that facilitate a life of being hot and having fun??subscribe to the podcast for exclusive episodes & perks! ♡https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/friend-crush/subscribefollow me ☆https://instagram.com/amberakilla/https://instagram.com/friend.crush/https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakillahttps://www.youtube.com/@amberakillahttps://twitter.com/amberakillahttps://soundcloud.com/amberakillahttps://open.spotify.com/user/amberakilla
life when you realize that conventional wisdom does kinda have value hopefully this video makes some of these habits more appealing to you if you've ever been skeptical about what it might take to help you build the foundation to being hot and having fun!! i was a hater but ... i ran out of excuses and honestly integrating these practices consistently have really changed my life in ways unhealthy overthinking and spiralling could never.any other habits that have changed your life, please leave in the comments!sending love and slay your way xxxsubscribe for exclusive episodes & perks! ♡https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/friend-crush/subscribefollow me ☆https://instagram.com/amberakilla/https://instagram.com/friend.crush/https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakillahttps://www.youtube.com/@amberakillahttps://twitter.com/amberakillahttps://soundcloud.com/amberakillahttps://open.spotify.com/user/amberakilla
In this episode, we're diving deeper into the world of haters and exploring strategies to fight back and reclaim our power. Building upon last week's discussion on the general vibe of haters (rancid), we're now delving into actionable steps to address their negativity head-on.
Is it worth fighting back against haters, or should our energy be focused elsewhere? How can we maintain our peace of mind when dealing with individuals who seem determined to misunderstand us? These are just some of the questions we'll be addressing in this empowering episode.
Bonus: I'm inviting you to send me screenshots of people hating! If I receive enough submissions, I'll do an episode or video reacting to them. So don't hold back – share your experiences and let's turn the tables on the haters together! (Send submissions to the Friend Crush IG (@friend.crush).
Tune in now to discover effective strategies for dealing with haters and reclaiming your power in the face of negativity. Don't let the haters get you down – join the conversation and let's rise above (or go to hell) together!
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In this podcast episode, we delve into the intriguing topic of dealing with haters – those individuals who seem to go out of their way to criticize and spread negativity. But wait, this isn't your typical discussion on handling constructive criticism; we're focusing specifically on those who are just plain rude and judgmental for no apparent reason.
Ever felt like someone made their problem your problem, even when you were simply minding your own business? You're not alone. In this two-part series, we'll explore the psychology behind haters and provide practical strategies for dealing with their unwanted negativity.
Part one kicks off by dissecting the mindset of haters, distinguishing between genuine feedback and baseless criticism. We'll discuss how to maintain your peace of mind and emotional well-being when faced with unwarranted negativity, especially from individuals you neither know nor care about.
But wait, there's more! Tune in next week for part two, where we'll tackle the age-old question: Should you fight back against haters, and if so, how? Get ready for an empowering discussion on reclaiming your power and setting boundaries in the face of adversity.
If you've ever found yourself grappling with the perplexing behavior of haters, this episode is for you. Join us as we unravel the mysteries of negativity and equip you with the tools you need to rise above it. Don't let the haters get you down – tune in now and focus on being hot and having fun!
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!!! Serious Trigger Warning for SA in this Episode !!!
WATCH VIDEO EPISODE : https://youtu.be/_GydjUIgPAM
In this episode of "Girl Confessions," our guest Seven bravely shares her deeply personal journey, starting from running away from home in China to embarking on a tumultuous adventure that led her to Canada. She opens up about her experience of entering into a visa marriage, navigating the complexities of divorce, and the emotional toll it took on her.
Seven's story isn't just about romantic relationships; it's a rollercoaster ride of self-discovery, one-sided crushes, periods of celibacy, and the intricacies of platonic friendships with men. With candid honesty, she shares the highs and lows of her journey, offering insights into love, loss, and resilience.
While Seven's experiences may be unique, her story resonates with anyone who has faced challenges in relationships, struggled with self-acceptance, or embarked on a journey of self-discovery. Join us as we delve into Seven's story, exploring themes of courage, vulnerability, and the pursuit of happiness against all odds.
Grab your headphones, buckle up, and prepare for an emotionally charged episode that will leave you inspired and empowered. Tune in now to listen to Seven's extraordinary journey unfold.
let me know your thoughts on this episode!!
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In this episode, I delve into the personal journey of leaving my hometown, Perth, and the social challenges I faced during that transition. While my departure wasn't the smoothest, I navigated the change as best as I could at the time, and I've come to terms with my actions since then.
Leaving one's hometown, especially from a smaller or more isolated place like Perth, comes with its unique set of emotional and social hurdles. I share my experiences, reflections, and insights on starting fresh in a new environment, offering candid advice and perspectives for listeners who may be embarking on a similar journey.
From coping with homesickness to forging new connections and adapting to unfamiliar surroundings, I cover various aspects of the relocation experience. Whether you're contemplating a move or simply curious about the process, this episode provides valuable insights and relatable anecdotes.
Join me as I open up about the realities of leaving one's hometown and offer guidance on embracing change with resilience and grace. Don't miss out on this honest conversation – tune in now and embark on a journey of self-discovery and growth!
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WATCH VIDEO EPISODE: https://youtu.be/grzVGKHibVE
Welcome back to another episode of "Girl Confessions"! Today, we've got another juicy installment for you. Miss Lisa spills the tea on her whirlwind romance with a creative director, complete with unexpected twists and turns.
Get ready to hear all about the rollercoaster ride of lovebombing, flaky boys, and dating app adventures in Tokyo. But that's not all – buckle up as Lisa reveals the shocking revelation that the same creative director might be dating her look-alike!
From heart-pounding flings to eyebrow-raising encounters, this episode has it all. Join us as we dive deep into the complexities of modern romance and navigate the highs and lows of dating in the digital age.
So grab your favorite beverage, cozy up, and get ready for some scandalous stories. You won't want to miss this wild ride – tune in now and enjoy the latest installment of "Girl Confessions"!
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In this week's episode, we delve into the ever-relevant topic of "Full-Time vs Freelance" work arrangements. Join us as we unravel the romanticized notions surrounding freelance work and explore nuance in the pros and cons of both career paths.
With careful consideration, we navigate the myriad factors that individuals must weigh when making the leap from full-time employment to freelance. From financial stability to work-life balance and beyond, we uncover the personal implications behind this career decision.
Whether you're contemplating a career change or simply curious about the realities of different work arrangements, this episode offers insights and practical advice. Tune in as we dispel myths, attempt to offer guidance, and empower listeners to make informed decisions about their professional futures.
Don't miss out on this enlightening conversation that goes beyond the surface to explore the complexities of modern work life. Hit play and join us as we navigate the full-time vs freelance debate together!
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Welcome to Episode 93! In this week's episode, we dive deep into the intriguing topic of "Nice Guys" and "Pick-Me Girls". Join me as we explore the similarities and differences between these two personas, and dissect the confusing connection between seeking validation and genuine connection.
We'll unravel the complexities of gender expectations in modern dating and interrogate the roots of insecurity that often fuel these dynamics. Are "Nice Guys" and "Pick-Me Girls" really seeking the same thing, or are their motivations driven by different insecurities?
Tune in for an insightful discussion that challenges conventional notions of romance and self-worth. Let's unpack these behaviors together and uncover the deeper truths behind the quest for validation. Don't miss out – hit play and join the conversation!
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WATCH VIDEO EPISODE: https://youtu.be/B6HvIXEyL2c
Welcome to this week's episode of "Girl Confessions"! Join us as we dive deep into the world of relationships and self-discovery with our special guest, Sandy. In this candid conversation, Sandy shares her experiences of being a 'crazy' girlfriend, navigating toxic patterns with boys, and the unexpected benefits of having an unhinged crush.
Get ready to hear some juicy stories as Sandy reveals how she discovered her ex was cheating on her through Google and social media. From delusional crushes to heartbreak, Sandy opens up about the highs and lows of her journey and the valuable lessons she's learned along the way.
Whether you're looking for some relatable experiences or seeking inspiration to break free from toxic patterns, this episode is for you! Tune in and join us as we slay through laughter, tears, and everything in between. We hope you enjoy our conversation – buckle up for a wild ride!
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Welcome to "Go Where You're Appreciated: Finding Value and Self-Worth in the Right Places." In this episode, we delve into the pivotal question: What is our discomfort in service of? We'll explore when we should allow things to be easy instead of assuming success and happiness require suffering.
Discover how to nurture genuine appreciation and self-worth, especially when you're trying to force it from incompatible people and situations. Join us as we unpack the importance of seeking environments where you're truly valued and respected. Tune in for insights on creating a life where you can thrive and embrace challenges without prolonging unnecessary struggle. Let's embark on this journey together and learn how to go where you're appreciated.
Optimize your self-worth and happiness by understanding when to embrace ease and let go of the need for suffering. Hot & Having Fun 43VA!
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In this week's "De-Center Everything: Men, Women, Beauty, Feminism & More – Focus on Yourself for True Empowerment" episode we consider how in the process of #realizingthings, we often get caught up in binaries and believe that if one thing doesn't work for us, we must swing to the opposite extreme. This podcast is about de-centering and bringing awareness to certain frameworks, ideologies, and external validations.
Join us as we explore how creating a little distance from these limitations can unlock our true potential. We’ll discuss how to step away from societal pressures and focus on self-empowerment, self-love, and having fun. It's a process, it's a journey, and we're all in this together. Tune in to learn how to be hot, have fun, and live your best life by focusing on what truly matters – YOU!
Let me know what you thought of this episode!
if you have a personal question you can send it to the @friend.crush IG page and it can be chosen to be answered in voice memo format. if you want a personalised answer via text please use this link https://direct.me/l/67j6
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This week we dip into the intriguing world of Shera Seven and the complex dynamics of 'dating for money.' From fleeting thoughts to evolving perspectives, we'll explore how my understanding of this phenomenon has evolved over time. Can clownery pay the bills? Probably not. But let's unpack the realities and nuances of 'dating for money' together. Share your thoughts and join the conversation!
if you have a personal question you can send it to the @friend.crush IG page and it can be chosen to be answered in voice memo format. if you want a personalised answer via text please use this link https://direct.me/l/67j6
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WELCOME TO SEASON SIX OF FRIEND CRUSHHHHH WOOO
Join us as we delve into the transformative concept of emotional accountability/responsibility. Ever experienced a moment where a term perfectly encapsulates a significant aspect of your life? That's precisely how I felt when I began reflecting on emotional accountability. It goes beyond mere empathy; it's about recognising the role each of us plays in our own emotional experiences without expecting others to bear our burdens in unhealthy ways, you know what I mean?
Often, it's this very aspect that hinders us from either maintaining or rekindling relationships with those who have let us down or disrespected us.
Let's unravel the layers of emotional accountability and its profound implications on our interpersonal connections.
LET ME KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS!
article referenced:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/peaceful-parenting/202007/the-emotionally-irresponsible-0
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happy valentine's day bbs!
here is a special DJ mix and Q&A episode of Friend Crush with Amber Akilla.
i've pulled questions from various Tiktok lives and answered them in between tracks that embody the 'love, lust & loathing' theme.
i had so much fun making this, i hope you enjoy!!!
previous mixes are on soundcloud~
https://on.soundcloud.com/uCwPM
soundcloud upload~
https://on.soundcloud.com/DMYKx
lana del rey - in my feelings
- are my standards too high is there even such a thing?
brent faiyaz - make luv
- my icks
newjeans - hurt
- how can you tell the difference between love bombing and genuine love?
alicia keys - girlfriend
- why do people compare themselves to their ex’s new partner
sza - blind
- dealing with someone who is confused about what they want
sugababes - hole in the head
yung lean - bliss ft. fka twigs
- any advice on how to stop gaslighting yourself, only to realize you were right?
handsome boy modeling school - the truth ft. roisin murphy ft. j-live
- what do you think of men that romanticize hyper-independent women?
kali uchis - ¿Cómo Así?
- whats the difference between forgiveness and settling?
swv - use your heart
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special treat for friend crush listeners ~ i've received a few messages like this one so i felt the wheels turning in my brain and generated this response. i definitely missed out a few things but i hope that this provides helpful perspective for anyone that relates to the situation described.
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this episode might be triggering for anyone that's convinced themselves that they like being in a situationship so listen at your own risk :)
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jealousyyyy is a disease fr - its a human experience, but one that when unmanaged can create more harm than good, mostly to yourself!!! how can we better understand and differentiate jealousy and envy we experience towards others and also when its directed towards us?
articles referenced:
https://kazmobrain.com/jealousy-definition-causes-treatment/
https://www.dictionary.com/e/jealousy-vs-envy/
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answering a listener message i received recently that prompted me to reflect on what it means to be a "high value woman" and my thoughts on this conversation that's been happening online, growth, trauma, grief and why people cheat.
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i've done an episode on this before but i feel like its recently come up a lot in conversations with people in their early-mid 20s. my quarter life crisis was so intense but i feel like i've come out the other end better than i entered it so hopefully this gives you something to look forward to if you're going through this rn!! you are not alone <3
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i think one of the best ways to develop healthier boundaries is to find activities that you care about that feel beneficial to you (keep you hot and having fun) and allow you to orient your schedule around them. it can't just be work because that's not always just for you, it needs to be a hobby! the dedication to investing time and or money to connecting with yourself is not only beneficial for you but also for how you show up in your relationships. on top of that it also provides an easy filter to see whether others are respectful of this hobby and by extension you and your time.
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we previously talked about 'what do you get out of it' and recently i've been thinking about 'what do you have to offer' two sides of the same coin kinda. when we better understand who we are and what we contribute to relationships and situations, coupled with an awareness of how we want to live (hot & having fun philosophy), this also assists in how we can make more intentional decisions, better understand and assert boundaries and distance ourselves from connections and experiences that we're not compatible with.
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self-deprecation can seem harmless at times but i feel like when taken to far it can really get in the way of your ability to grow and expand how you see yourself. wild the ways that we can be our own worst enemy! in this episode i discuss how i've come to better understand how to manage self-deprecation in ways that aren't self-destructive.
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so often in life and in love we are bamboozled by other people's validation and desire and forget to ask 'what am i getting out of this', 'how do i feel' ?? this doesn't mean we have to be entirely self-serving but it also doesn't mean we have to be entirely self-sacrificial. i implore you to take a pause and consider this if you find yourself in a mental or emotional spiral over a person or situation. oftentimes we need to recognise the ways we have allowed for clownery in order to be hot and have fun!!!
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i think its quite common for listeners of the podcast to be the 'friend group therapist' - the person that everyone goes to for advice when they're going through it. its not that you need to swing to the opposite end of the spectrum and cut people off at the slightest request for your attention but sometimes we need to consider the capacity to which you plug into other people's problems. i feel like i could talk about this topic forever but, here's a start! let me know what you think hehe
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i've been thinking about the subtle difference between being offended and being disrespected - maybe in a general sense the difference doesn't matter to that many people but i think having an understanding for myself has allowed me to determine what is worth my energy, who is worth my time and what opportunities being offended or disrespected can actually provide in having more self-awareness. in other words - don't let haters stop you from being hot and having fun hehe
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GIRL CONFESSIONSSS this episode was so fun to record, "Sarah" and I have been internet friends for some time now and we barely scratched the surface in this conversation. we cover her experiences on hinge, one of her icks, age gaps in dating, who is expected to pay on the first date, friends to lovers, growing up and dating as a woman of colour in australia and more!!! i hope you enjoyed this episode, let me know what you thought and if you want more episodes with Sarah and/or more girl confessions epsiodes in general !!!
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our first boy confessions episode for the season!! 'christopher' just turned 30 and is currently taking some time off from his tech job to rest and reflect. we discuss his dating expectations, how his views on dating and relationships have changed, whether "the spark" is a real thing, dating as a scapegoat from big life changes... and more, i hope you enjoy! let me know what you thought of this episode!
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my current thoughts, feelings and understandings around boundaries, how they differ from standards, expectations, preferences and conditions. 'boundaries' is a term that is thrown around the same way 'authentic' is but just because people throw a word around doesn't really mean they understand, let alone practice what they preach hehe
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you know i feel like so much of my 20s has been about 'what' am i doing with my life, but in the last few years i've focused more on 'how' i am experiencing life, 'am i enjoying myself?' aka am i being hot and having fun and if not, how does a life well lived feel and look like to me and how can i take intentional action towards it? how can i balance portfolio interests with personal interests at different stages and eras rather than thinking that personal fulfilment is dependent on portfolio and professional success?
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tale as old as time... you know "what's best" for someone and for some reason they're not doing what needs to be done to be better???? WHYYYYYYY
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welcome welcome back to friend crush!!! can't believe its season five!
i started this podcast during the pandemic as a creative outlet after having my original plans for 2020 cancelled, it became a way for me to process and organise my thoughts in the most cute, chaotic and critical way that i can manage.
i made it back to shanghai last year and released season four after a few months of being back. its been almost a year since i've been back and i'm so excited to be sharing the next season with you!
this episode is just a general welcome and thought dump on things i've been reflecting on recently after having recorded about half of the season before i work on the next episodes.
hope everyone has been well !! missed you !!!
lots of love,
amber
xoxo
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wow i can’t believe we’re up to the 70th episode of friend crush!!! thank you so much for tuning in, sending your feedback, sending questions and topic suggestions and sharing with your friends! i’m actually so shook and can’t that you enough! we’re going to go on a lil breaky break over the northern hemisphere summer so i can focus on other projects and prepare for the next season. wishing everyone a slay time in the meantime!!!
this week’s episode i also answer a listener question about transitioning career at age 24, tune in to hear my thoughts n feelings.
lots of love!!!!
♡ amber
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there's a difference between a broken heart and a bruised ego when it comes to breakups - friendship, work, romantic or otherwise. how we process and move on from different ailments requires different treatments!
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they broke your trust? you DO NOT break no contact. STAND UP!
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what are my thoughts on long distance relationships? is it worth the mental, emotional and financial investment? i discuss using my personal experience with long distance relationships and also reflect on where i'm at now when it comes to what i would want from a romantic commitment.
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this week's episode i attempted to answer multiple questions but only managed to answer two lol
first we discuss how to start developing discipline and creating habits, how i personally managed to start being more consistent with grounding practices.
secondly we talk about whether there is a binary choice between living with family and saving money or moving out and working full time. i also want to add to this section that working full time while living at home and being able to save money is a privilege in this economy and it's not something to be ashamed of. the world we were promised growing up is not the reality we are living in anymore.
as always, let me know what you think of the episode!! also sub and comment on the youtube episode please hehe
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too often we're made to feel like love and career are incompatible but i think that's an illusion. love can come from so many sources not just romance and different chapters and relationships in your life will facilitate different kinds of love and fulfilment. there's more to life than settling down, there's more to live for than romantic love and your journey will be unique to you! stay hot and having fun!!!
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exploring an actually quite complex topic in today’s episode which i will continue to turn over in my mind. what do you do when your political values with a friend start to diverge into almost incompatible territories? on the one hand i think that its important to detach from the direction relationships can take and do your best to have empathy for others, while i also recognize that certain political views can be especially harmful to society when they go unchecked, then on top of that - to what degree are we responsible and can we control what ideas people attach to? i don’t really have an answer but i do my best to scratch at least the surface of this dynamic, prompted by messages from a listener.
let me know what you thought of this episode! i think there will be a lot more to discuss and expand on in future episodes~
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look, i go on a few tangents in this one but we're discussing betrayal trauma, sinophobia and then answering a question from a listener about how to manage expectations when working on personal creative projects versus client/ commercial projects. let me know what you thought of this episode!!!
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you know what... its ok to not have the answer sometimes!!! quick thoughts on being patient with yourself, managing anxiety and letting time to pass so that things can fall into place. believe that what you want is already yours! if you're taking action and doing your best, trust that there are forces beyond your comprehension that will bring you in contact with people and opportunities that can make it happen. easier said than done of course, but worth a reminder every now and then.
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sharing my thoughts and reflections on messages i've received about how to navigate the post-break up period and virtual/digital relationships that don't eventuate with in-person meetings. with some expected tangents and rambles hehe
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sharing my thoughts on "de-influencing" which i refer to as "mindful consumption" ~ if you've listened to previous episodes of the podcast on skincare and self-care, i've always found that knowing i can do something that's good for me at a low cost is weirdly empowering in this capitalist hellscape that we live in lol not that i think making or spending money is "bad" but i think there's a balance to be struck with everything and more empowering/sustainable perspectives to have when it comes to anything, especially our consumption. you don't need to pressure yourself to be perfect, being aware and intentional is better than being mindless and ignorant!
- buy everything on sale
- finish existing products before purchasing new products
- lifestyle first, products second
- break the trend cycle
- know what you’re working with
- do what you enjoy not what you feel you have to do
- manage the accounts your follow/ content you consume
- invest in hobbies and experiences instead of just things
- get a handle on vices/addictions
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hello angels!! i'm sharing my thoughts around video titles and subjects where people think they've wasted their life. although i understand the sentiment of these videos i think that sometimes they can be disempowering and there are other ways we can frame and understand our experience of life! sliving requires slearning - some lessons take us longer to learn than others and although there is a time and place to be competitive, its not a competition with others, its a journey and a story that we are writing for ourselves and hopefully with the people we love and care about!!!
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let's talk about how i've changed my understanding of people pleasing and what it means as well as how you building awareness around how you are treated vs how you want to be treated is important in taking action to living a slay life!!!
also i'm going to continue to try and update audio podcast bc i don't want to gatekeep and i don't want ppl to drive and get distracted with video!!! takes forever to upload video podcasts so i'll just upload audio versions and then you have option of videos on youtube too hehe
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let's talk about HEART BREAKKKK and the period between a break up and actually moving on - does your ex come back? does it matter if they do? sharing my own thoughts and feelings along with some comments i received on tiktok videos i've made on this topic.
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i said i wouldn't update podcast audio but ppl have said they still like listening on audio platforms so i'll try my best to update here too xx
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13:45 when they come back/ what you realize when they come back
18:21 importance of journalling in healing
20:33 minimum a year for someone to change
21:21 why do you wanna be w someone that needs to lose you
23:00 dating for association
26:45 they come back
27:00 you want to meet as new people
28:53 rebuilding your sense of self
30:25 when they're dating someone new and still slide in the dms lol
38:21 being on the same team
41:38 comments from tiktok
44:45 being intentionally single
1:00:00 take how people treat others into consideration
love and heartbreak embracing good and bad running from your emotions love and heartbreak are inextricably linked how do you really know someone grieving potential processing your grief building a new sense of self when they come back while dating someone new being vulnerable and learning to trust yourself lingering pain after breakups bad apologies being intentionally single and alone why do people change
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welcome backkkkk - a lil q&a for y'all ! maybe i do this once a month?? let me know what you think !
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the podcast is moving to video format!! make sure to subscribe :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧
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- 3:35 dating your best friend’s brother?
- 4:32 - releasing fear around people pleasing
- 10:02 - experience being a content creator
- 13:14 - incels vs temporary celibacy
- 21:34 - dating someone that’s still close friends with an ex
- 24:41 - making new friends in a new city
- 28:37 - trying to be friends with someone you were previously involved with
- 32:22 my thoughts on law school and tertiary education
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ranting about gaps in communication hehehe sometimes i think we overlook how important it is to become aware of the ways we share our reality and how we connect with others and build relationships. i discuss a framework/formula that i think helps to structure communication for any relationship context - friendship, romance, work - and then go on a bunch of tangents as usual. maybe social media has us living in our heads and creates the illusion that people are privy to what's going on in our noggin... when they don't lmk what u think !
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welcome to the second boy confessions episode!!! this episode provides a perspective that is so different to the previous episode, i hope you enjoy! "Ash" is in his early mid-30s living in LA - we cover his thoughts on the notorious pick up artist bible "The Game", authenticity in dating, dating apps, how his first love has affected his expectations in dating, how he has become aware of his people pleasing tendencies, understanding communication issues in relationships, deciding what kind of commitment - if at all he is looking for. SO MANY THINGS!! let me know what you think of this episode ♡
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i loved this conversation i had with actress, writer and content creator Nadine Milad - grab a snack and get comfy because we cover soo much in this episode from ghosting, authenticity online, friend break-ups, being recovering people pleasers and so much more.
let me know what you thought of this episode and if Nadine and I should do more episodes together!
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part two of the quarter life crisis discussion ~ i read some submissions from listeners on the topic and provide my perspective and thoughts. i actually think in the months since recording these episodes i care even less about age and more about being hot and having fun!!! it's natural to feel external pressures on the timeline of your life, but your life is for you to define! would love to hear your thoughts on this topic please feel free to write to meeee! xx
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part one in a series of episodes where i discuss the quarter life crisis and pre-30 panic. i’ve thought about this a lot as i get to the tail end of my 20s so i’m sharing my thoughts here with you!
books mentioned:
six pillars of self esteem https://amzn.to/3xAzl3r
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keep your expectations low, your standards high.... & don't feel like you need to reward the bare minimum!!!
slightly modifying a saying that i've carried with me through the years. how could i have held myself back like this!!?? anyways, we slive and slearn and level tf up.
books mentioned
six pillars of self esteem https://amzn.to/3xAzl3r
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so excited to share the first boy confessions episode!!! anonymously interviewing men so they can share honest reflections, opinions and experiences on masculinity, life, love, friendship, work and more.
“Timothee” - 33 is Asian-American, born and raised in Los Angeles and currently living in Shanghai working as a creative director for an international brand. in this episode we discuss the influence of women on his life, being single for five years before his current relationship as well as his advice for men and women on what to do when a guy withdraws from a relationship or connection. i ask him questions he's never been asked about infidelity and cheating and we explore how his views around traditional long term commitment have changed over time.
thank you to my guest for coming on the show, we had so much fun recording this episode and hope you enjoy it too!
apologies in advance for the noise in the recording :')
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what's the difference between a friend with benefits and a booty call? is it worth risking a friendship? do they even make sense??? lets discuss lol
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discussing the ways my understanding of friendship has changed as i've gotten older. what's the difference between an inner and outer circle? how to allow space in relationships rather than taking incompatibilities personally and how to deal with friend breakups.
i'm gonna be on youtube moreeee make sure to subscribe please :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧ https://www.youtube.com/@amberakilla
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every now and then i post something random/unhinged and someone asks me 'how do you get over being cringe?' HAHAH anyways here are some of my thoughts and reflections on how i process my insecurities and try to develop a stronger sense of self. how awareness of our insecurities can be seen as a blessing, grounding practices, exposure therapy, holding space for our contradictions and why cringing at your former self is important for self growth! there's still so much to say but i hope that this helps provide perspective!
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thank you for asking questions! this is part two of my answers ~
in this episode we cover:
- how much of yourself to give in dating, people pleasing
- being friends with an ex that hasn’t told their new partner about you
- what i’ve learnt this summer
- books i’ve read
the road less travelled https://amzn.to/3UibDCS
six pillars of self esteem https://amzn.to/3xAzl3r
mind f*ck https://amzn.to/3LpOSsD
stolen focus https://amzn.to/3eYsHxs
- what do i think about pop culture rn
- dating in this economy
- catering to yourself after catering to others
- goals in life and therapy
- culture shock moving to and returning to shanghai
- relationship status anxiety
episodes mentioned:
32 - training for a breakup
41 - therapy
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bonus episode to celebrate the first week of friend crush season four!
answering questions that were submitted to me in the last few weeks.
in this episode we cover how to discern between your thoughts and beliefs, how to discern between what you need and what you think you need against other people's expectations, dating after a first love and what to do when you realise someone you were into was future faking.
episodes mentioned: 32 - training for a breakup
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hello my sweet angels!!! i'm so happy to be back for season four of friend crush!!!
the last few months have been such a wild ride and this episode is a life update/vibe check
~ sliving, sloving, slaughing and slearning ~
thank you so much for your patience, encouragement and support!
lots of love xoxoxox
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thank you for supporting friend crush so far! i’m eternally grateful!! answering some questions asked on IG in honor of this final episode for the season. i talk about how to recognize your own toxicity, what to do when you don’t approve of a friend’s relationship, what to do when your parents don’t approve of your decisions, how to deal with confrontation and more!
if you’ve gotten anything out of friend crush you can support the next season of the podcast here!
https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=Q24CZ2E2HZPBW
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sharing my personal experiences with therapy and the approach i’ve taken. not diagnostic by any means but hopefully this can assist you in your own approach or journey!
The Six Pillars of Self Esteem by Nathaniel Branden
https://amzn.to/3D7Dmgx
The Road Less Travelled by M. Scott Peck
https://amzn.to/3DbJdkU
How To Do the Work by Dr. Nicole LePera
https://www.amazon.com/How-Do-Work-Recognize-Patterns/dp/006301209X
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kicki is a chinese born artist and influencer based in berlin. we talk about her experience growing up in germany, working as an artist and influencer, how her creative hobbies have become her career, how she balances creativity with client needs and how she met her boyfriend ♡
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first episode in what i hope can be a lil sub-series! sharing bite-sized thoughts and reflections on breakups, boundaries, i give advice for a question regarding replying on hinge and my newly coined term - the digital restraining order.
please leave a question, comment or voice message for me to share in future episodes! they don’t have to be directly related to this episode and will be referred to anonymously.
episodes referenced:
32 - training for a breakup
23 - not having standards is bad for society
38 - w/ derrick gee
28 - digital distancing
36 - breadcrumbing & orbiting
35 - you are hot and having fun !!!
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please welcome the first male guest on friend crush! derrick gee is a multi-talented and faceted creative director, artist manager and radio host amongst many other things. in this episode we talk about his journey to where he is today, his work experience as a former NTS radio host and head of brand partnerships at Mixcloud, advice for creatives and artists, his recent foray into tiktok and his relationship with his partner of 10 years!
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discussing how my approach to skincare has changed - kind of like a metaphor to how my approach to life and things have changed too!
i start with what it was like when i had 'problematic' skin, non-product related changes that i keep in mind and my general mindset to skincare now and what i've done to improve my skin in the last few years.
a reminder that your self-worth and value is not determined by whether you have "good" skin or not!!! your skin is the biggest organ in your body so its worth taking care of though!
statistics:
https://www.statista.com/statistics/254612/global-skin-care-market-size/
book:
The Six Pillars of Self Esteem by Nathaniel Branden
https://amzn.to/3D7Dmgx
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breadcrumbing and orbiting are being discussed more and more in the context of modern dating and are likened to behaviors like ghosting. what do these behaviours entail and how can we become more aware of what we’re allowing or participating in and whether its inline with what we want from relationships of any kind, not just romantic ones!
articles mentioned:
https://www.brides.com/what-is-breadcrumbing-5105353
https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a23070110/orbiting-after-breakup-dating-trend
book:
The Six Pillars of Self Esteem by Nathaniel Branden
https://amzn.to/3D7Dmgx
twitter thread:
https://twitter.com/gaialect/status/1493228285328777222
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sharing my current life mantra/philosophy that i use to ground myself during chaotic moments for you to see whether its something you want to adopt or can help you to figure out what might work for you!
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healing is not linear healing is not linear healing is not linear healing is not linear healing is not linear healing is not linear healing is not linear healing is not linear healing is not linear healing is not linear healing is not linear healing is not linear healing is not linear healing is not linear
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an introductory exploration into the history of hookup culture... is it as fun and empowering as we're made to think it is? everyone is different but there are some general trends that studies suggest, let's discuss and explore~
hook up culture wiki
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hookup_culture
ana psychology
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIh8LqU7s-o
gatekeeping in casual entanglements
https://www.tiktok.com/@amberakilla/video/7040327202994539777?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc&web_id6914680433222862337
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breakups are fucked but i think they create opportunities for us to learn more about ourselves and develop resilience if we choose to see them this way. in this episode i outline 12 different things i try to keep in mind when it comes to break-ups and any major transition periods in my life. i think the key is remembering that appreciating what’s “good”, requires experience of what’s “bad”. an incompatibility with a person or situation doesn’t determine your inherent value and what you can do to re-connect with yourself when you feel overwhelmed.
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what do we think about the west elm caleb tiktok drama? i care less about the individuals involved and more about the ‘cultural implications’ and discourse surrounding it. if you need context, give it a quick google but i’m sharing my thoughts in this week’s episode!
GQ article
https://www.gq.com/story/who-is-west-elm-caleb
twitter thread mentioned
https://twitter.com/mattruby/status/1484583381073600513
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how can we make sure that we are streamlining our approach to social media, friendships, romance and even our wardrobe so that we can prioritise quality over quantity? i read Cal Newport’s book “Deep Work” in an attempt to learn how to better manage my time but the ‘any benefit mindset’ (also referred to as the 'any benefit principle' in this episode) that he critiques in relation to our approach to social media resonated with me and felt applicable to other areas of life.
Deep Work by Cal Newport
https://amzn.to/32fjrz4
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where is the fun in romance? did it catch covid and pass away???
thinking about crushes, how people’s limits differ and how do the traditional values we were raised with indirectly affect the way we approach romance.
apologies for the background noise in some sections of this episode!!
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what’s your relationship with technology like? after noticing my own struggle to stay focused i’ve been trying to find different ways to maintain a sense of mental peace amongst information overload. how does social media impact the brain and what can we do to ensure that we can enjoy the benefits of social media while managing the downsides.
Huberman Lab Podcast - Controlling Your Dopamine for Motivation, Focus & Satisfaction
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QmOF0crdyRU
The Dangers of Porn Addiction
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X7RMGUl_zSc&t=510s
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a lil reflection on things i've learned over the last year, building off from the 2020 realizing things episode~
i talk about how ritual and new habits have helped me stay grounded (which i can't stop talking about), my experience with therapy and how i'm constantly reckoning with the fact that healing is not linear.
wishing everyone a safe and blessed holiday season!!! thank you for your support this year and i hope we can grow the friend crush community more in 2022 ily♡
Atomic Habits by James Clear
https://amzn.to/3EfP9sM
Deep Work by Cal Newport
https://amzn.to/32fjrz4
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i keep seeing people talk about this but i feel like there’s something missing from this idea… how can we shift our perspective so that we can move on from disappointment and manage our expectations?
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what's the difference between your hardware and software and how can you make sure both are being looked after? sharing my thoughts on different self-care practices, perspectives and approaches that have allowed for me to have a more holistic approach to well-being that address both body and mind.
disclaimer: i am not a health professional by any means, this is based on my personal experience. if you have any serious mental or physical health issues please ensure that you seek professional guidance and advice.
The Six Pillars of Self Esteem by Nathaniel Branden
https://amzn.to/3D7Dmgx *
The Road Less Travelled by M. Scott Peck
https://amzn.to/3DbJdkU *
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where do we place micro-cheating on the spectrum of infidelity? how has technology impacted the different ways that we can betray our partners? is there a single definition of micro-cheating or does it depend on the individual?
i look at what dating experts have to say and share your thoughts and perspectives!
articles mentioned:
https://www.huffpost.com/archive/au/entry/micro-cheating-what-is-it-and-does-it-count_a_23077600
https://thelatch.com.au/what-is-micro-cheating/
https://leaderchat.org/2019/02/01/the-importance-of-self-awareness-with-tasha-eurich/
thoughts from:
https://www.instagram.com/viktoriafox/
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what are the ways that we are being told to settle at our own expense? what does it really mean to have personal standards and boundaries and how can we define this for ourselves? sometimes i think when Ghandi said “be the change you wish to see in the world” this is what he meant!!!
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how does our relationship with the pursuit of physical beauty and “hotness” affect how we see ourselves and each other? i’ve always felt we are told that out problems are solved and that empowerment comes from being considered desirable, but is this really the case?
TW// assault, body image, eating disorders
content mentioned:
Ways of Seeing by John Berger
book link: https://amzn.to/3qhVzEr *
video link: https://youtu.be/m1GI8mNU5Sg
The Beauty Myth: How Images of Beauty are Used Against Women by Naomi Wolf
book link: https://amzn.to/3qgIQlz *
*affiliate link
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what does it really mean to be a “good” person and why do we struggle so much with being the villain in someone else’s story? what happens when we're not aware that we might only be motivated by a desire appear good and not to do good?
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how many topics can i touch on in 20 minutes? hehe
one of the most empowering and overwhelming realizations for me in the last few years is understanding how different parts of life and experience inform each other and how important it is to work on self-alignment and healing first instead of bypassing or running away from yourself. here's a re-intro into how i try and understand these parts so we can discuss further in later episodes!
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put those late capitalist marketing messages aside and get back to basics!
things i do to manage my mental, physical and spiritual health so i can feel grounded and centred ✨
journaling, habit tracking, sleep, digital hygiene, exercise and meditation.
Atomic Habits
https://amzn.to/3BnTwSr *
The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem
https://amzn.to/3BnTwSr *
*affiliate links
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things i've been thinking about after a year of being back in my hometown!! understanding and awareness around self-empowerment, how important awareness is and the perspective that time and distance can offer for healing.
let me know what you wanna talk about next i'm restless hehe
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hello my sweet angels, in this episode i talk about why i think reading (books) is very nice and very cool and a great way to counter-balance the negative effects of social media! plus random rambles etc etc you know how it is.
https://www.healthline.com/health/benefits-of-reading-books#takeaway
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Power_of_the_Powerless
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today’s episode is a follow up from the last on racism, here we’re focused on internalized racism and unlearning internalized racism. i share a bunch of answers i received on instagram and add some comments and thoughts of my own. i hope we can all continue to build awareness within ourselves around these issues and share what we learn with those around us.
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sooo i asked a bunch of questions on my instagram @amberakilla regarding race and talking to your friends about race, unlearning racism, internalized racism. this episode discusses people’s responses to people around them unlearning racism and how they handle these conversations with some of my personal experience and suggestions in drawing boundaries. as we become more aware about social issues, what kind of people do we want around us and how do we navigate relationships with this knowledge.
next episode will focus on internalized racism!
let me know any thoughts or questions!!!
Video Episode:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j2L2FpQ5d4E
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this episode is an overview of my journey with feminism and identity so far. these issues are so complex and unique to everyone but i feel like sharing and listening to different perspectives can be helpful when trying to develop our own understanding. i'm focusing more on stages of development more than context or content here in order to demonstrate how its important to embrace learning and discovering new things about yourself and the world around you. i think we need to be giving people more room to change and develop their ideas instead of vilifying them when they don't agree with us.
please forgive me if there's anything you feel i've missed and let me know your thoughts and your own experiences too!
video podcast:
https://youtu.be/rRCIVIAOYH8
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wishing everyone a happy new year! the best is truly yet to come after a year like 2020. i have been lucky enough to spend a lot of time reflecting and realizing things ~ here's a summary of some of what has stuck from chaos to confidence. please let me know if you've had similar or different reflections!
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i reflect on taking a month and a bit off of instagram, what prompted me to do it, did i learn anything and should you do it too?
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hello my loves! in today's episode i will give some final thoughts on friend break ups and what i've learnt.
no doubt i will think about this topic at a later date or go through some shit and have new perspectives or insights but for now, this is the vibe! how can we reflect on our experiences so we can move through the world with a little more wisdom?
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finally i got my sh*t together and am following up the first part of our friend breakup series!! in this episode i'll be exploring whether we confront or ghost people, why we might stay in an unhealthy friendship longer than we need to, whether its possible to make up after a breakup and moreeee.
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HELLO FRIENDS
sorry for falling off, i was thinking very intensely about how to follow up the previous episode on friend break ups but then i started re-realizing things about love which is such an important part of friendship that i felt should be covered! so here we are - what is the difference between practicing love and cathexis, the feeling of love and falling in love? lemme know what the vibe is ~
books mentioned
The Road Less Travelled by M Scott Peck
https://amzn.to/3EZCY48 *
All About Love by bell hooks
https://amzn.to/2YxhDQa *
*affiliate links
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this episode is part one of two or three on friendship breakups, why do we break up? what's changed in a friendship that might lead to separation?
i'll draw from my own experience and observations and refer to submissions.
let me know your thoughts and feelings in the comments~
Video Episode:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pUjI2TWwnUQ&feature=youtu.be
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today's episode features miss Elle from Sydney. she's a fashion influencer, stylist and all round creative. we discuss growing up in australia, her online journey and how sh'e found success on the internet!
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https://instagram.com/14strk
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giving a run down on how friendships have changed for me in different stages of my life, how i've developed more clarity in what i'm looking for in friendship and referring to comments that were sent in. hopefully my experience gives you some insight and helps you to reflect on your own journey ~ stay tuned for the episode on friendship breakups.
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hi friends! today's guest is Yasmin Suteja! she's a photographer, influencer and founder of Culture Machine a creative agency, modeling agency and studio based in Sydney, Australia. we talk about her personal and professional journey in the Australian creative industry, coming to terms with identifying as PoC and what Yasmin has learned along the way.
Follow Yasmin:
https://instagram.com/yasminsuteja/
https://www.instagram.com/culturemachine/
https://www.instagram.com/culturemachineagency/
https://www.instagram.com/culturemachinestudios/
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hello sweet angels! in this episode i’m just sharing my thoughts on concepts i’ve been aware of and reflecting on in the abstract but have really come into the front of the brain this year: control, crisis, consciousness and character~ who am i, who do i want to be and am i acting accordingly? join me on this thought dump!!!
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wowee this episode is a long one ~ mostly covering my own journey with 'body image' and how i now have a much more holistic approach to mental and physical health and how that in turn affects my physical appearance. i answer some questions i received and we have two new segments! 'obsession of the week' and 'content crush' stay tuned until the end of the episode for to hear about them! the more i think about this topic, the more complicated it becomes so i hope this episode provided a little bit of perspective if you're also learning how to navigate the world in your skin suit. lots of love!!!
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hi friends! in today's episode i'm giving you a lil rundown of my mental state, discussing how my views on cultural appropriation and cancel culture have developed with reference to things i've seen on the internet recently and also a short segment on my obsession of the week - sense 8.
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hi friends! in this episode i'll be talking about helping my friend reply to her ex and why it's important to simplify the way we communicate when we're feeling emotional in order to set healthy boundaries without burning bridges.
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hi hello, welcome to Friend Crush!!! get ready for cute, chaotic and critical thinking from me aka Amber Akilla ~ stay hydrated and speak soon ♡
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